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goldsbitch · 2 months

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Just don't talk------

-actually, maybe don't stop.

p7 to Just don't talk

summary: Enemies to lovers on steroids. Excuse me, feelings coming through.

Some people were not destined to be friends. Or coworkers or anything like that. The vibes were just not there.

It was a regular FIA briefing. For everyone else in the room it was a rather dull part of their duties, but unskippable. For Y/N it was a true test of will, getting seated right behind Lando. She could not remember a single thing from that meeting. Because how was she supposed to, when Lando's neck and perfectly cut hair were right in front of her. She remembered kissing the back of his neck - and she was suppose to just sit and listen to some regulation changes? When his freckles were just screaming "trace us with you finger, please". The worst thing was when he brushed his hair with his hand or scratched himself. Somehow, he seemed to be doing only that.

Lando was more than aware of the fact she was sitting behind him. It made him more nervous than usual, because he felt zero control over what is happening with her. They hadn't spoken since the gala, no matter how much he wanted to untagle that, he couldn't find the right words or courage for that matter, to try and talk to her. Questions were occupying his mind the whole meeting. Was she aware of him? Watching him perhaps? Wait a minute - was he sitting in some weird position? Is this how people usually sit?

Oscar was sitting next to Lando and noticed how much more weirdly nervous he was getting this afternoon. He quickly exchanged welcoming looks with Y/N, her also being weird ever since their outburst that one evening. Oscar and Lando were getting closer than they had before, so when Oscar connected two and two together, Lando's erratic behavior slowly starting to make sense. He decided to test the waters.

"Hey man," he whispered to Lando loudly enough for Y/N to hear. "That girl there is staring at you like crazy," he said, pointing to some random employee, who definitely was not staring at Lando, but that was not the point there. "What do you think? She looks fun." Lando nearly fell of a chair when he heard him. These kind of comments were highly unusual from Oscar. "What?" he asked, hoping he misunderstood him. This kind of a sentence usually fell out of Daniel's mouth. "Mate, she's been looking at you all this meeting. I think you have a chance."

Of course Y/N heard them. And yes, she did stop breathing for a moment. What was Oscar on about? Why was he doing that? And how the fuck is Lando going to react. He knew Y/N heard them. Of course she must have. His mind was panicking back and forth, trying to come up with an answer that would shut up Oscar. What also freaked him out was that he realized he cared about what Y/N thinks. Maybe Oscar was right, maybe he needed a casual easy hook up. Something less complicated. But, he decided not to burn down the whole house this time using his words only. Neutral. Keeping it open. "Bro, who isn't looking at me," he said and ironically squeezed his bicep. Y/N was finally able let her breath out. Not the worst answer he could have said. Still, she did not need to hear to hear the rest of their talk. In fact, she needed to get out. Focusing on the FIA announcement was not enough, so she politely excused herself and went to the bathroom. Oscar saw that and smiled. His instinct was right. He stopped with his questions and Lando shot him a weird questioning look once Y/N was gone. "So how long is this going on?" Oscar shot at him once again. Lando's eyes went full wide. "Could you stop whatever you're doing, man?" he urged and looked over to the exit, to see if Y/N was still in sight. When he didn't see her, he turned back and opted for fully ignoring Oscar's face filled with amusement.

Lando was not having the best of days. High pressure from the team, since they'd manage to finally get the car into decent state and it was his time to shine and start bringing poles and podiums. Just like Oscar has. But Lando was somehow out of tune with himself - he was not bad, not good, just somehow mediocre. His ego not handling well that his younger teammate having seemingly no issues. It gave him back flashbacks to when he was the young shot happy go lucky star of the team. Now he was becoming the older one with the weight of the pressure bigger than ever.

Qualifying came after few strange practice sessions. But, Lando was picking his spirits up and not letting his head play into it.

He was going to have an absolute blast of a quali. He needed that.

Y/N's team was in their struggle era. Nothing to be done about it, not even her teammate was able to perform. So for her, it was about showing up, doing her job and then let help her team analyse where they could improve. But no one expected them to be the star of this Grand Prix. Having nobody expect anything from you is a different kind of pressure for a F1 driver.

The smell of burning rubber and the loud noise of the paddock was hitting Lando harder that usually. Normally, he would find comfort in the smell of a burnt tire, but this time it was just too much. Lots of people roaming around the McLaren paddock and he was in no mood for that. Headphones and ignore button was his escape strategy. He politely rejected few journalists as he walked away from the driver's parade, quickly shooting few looks towards Y/N who had an aura or a happy-go-lucky fun person today. Lando ignored the next journalist who tried to stop him.

It's impossible to follow other driver's quali when you're also driving. So Y/N found out only at the end that Lando, who passed by on the track in Q2 with a flying speed, was facing the possibility of having his time deleted due to track limits. Her heart sank a little lower than when she was not able to even get to Q3. Somehow, she was ready to be internally proud of him and his improvement. Seeing him, sitting on the platform with the fastest car of the session, watching his P2 getting slashed was brutal. She wanted to slap George, who visibly cheered when this meant he got pushed into Lando's spot.

Interviews were a great thing when one was to be happy and cheerful, it was a great way how to share enthusiasm. But when one had a failure on the back, answering questions without having a moment to process was just pure sadism. At least this was how Lando felt, but surely others must have shared this as well. He knew his duties, so he paraded himself from one journalist to another, like on some strange carousel. He was so lost in his world that he completely missed Y/N, who was doing each interview after him, hearing his self-deprecating answers getting worse and worse with each interview. She had to fight the urge to simply hug him in front of all the people.

There was no place without prying eyes in an F1 paddock. Y/N hoped she would manage to get to the McLaren hospitality without being seen by any major news outlets. And if so, fuck it. She texted Oscar to help her get in through the back door and slip in without causing a scene. He did just that.

"He's in his driver room," he simply stated when she entered.

"Thanks, Oscar. Can you take me there? Is there anyone in?"

"I highly doubt that. He told everyone to not so kindly fuck off."

"Well, I guess I'll join them soon," she sighed, knowing that stubborn Lando was a no go Lando. That stupid boy, always pushing everyone away.

"Again, highly doubt that," Oscar replied without a cell in his body doubting this. She just smiled and they shared a knowing look. Once she'd be ready, there was a long list of questions she had for Oscar. He just wanted to help his clueless friends.

When they reached the driver's room door, she started doubting her decision. Oscar saw that and knocked loudly instead of her.

"Please leave me alone, I've said it few times now," came from behind the door by a distressed driver. Oscar shot Y/N a serious look, pushing her into speaking.

"Lando?" she simply asked, not knowing what to say.

"Y/N?" he replied with a much softer tone that previous sentence.

"Can I please come in?" she asked in the most honest tone Oscar had ever heard her speak in.

The door clicked and opened slightly. Oscar saw this as his cue to leave and Y/N entered the room.

When she came in, Lando was facing her with his back, still in his driver suit and sipping on his energy drink. She gulped, sensing the tension in the room. They were both equally bad at talking. Was this just going to cause more problems again?

He felt down, really down. The only reason why he let her in was that there was no one else to go to. A slight glimmer of hope that she might make him feel understood.

"I'm sorry your lap got deleted. I watched in on a replay, pretty badass," she said with the same soft tone as before. Her voice was music to his ears, but the words she said stung like a bee. Pity was not something Lando sought after.

"Badass maybe, stupid definitely," he replied, playing his mistakes over and over.

"That's just stupid. Stop blaming yourself all the time."

He turned around to face her. "So should I just blame the pit crew? Or the engineers? No, I'm the only one who fucked up. The one who let the team down."

His attitude was starting to really annoy her. "Lando, shut the fuck up. Stop with this self hatred."

"This is what losers say."

"Ok. Let's play a game. Imagine I did what you did today. Tell me the things you're saying yourself in your head. Say them outloud." He was taken back by her sudden shift of mood, not knowing what king of a game she was playing this time.

"No."

"Say it. I'm not leaving." She paused, awaiting his reaction. Nothing came, so she pushed more. "Come on."

He took a deep breath. Fuck it, what's the worst that could happen?

"You're stupid for risking too much. You knew that the track it tricky..." he stopped himself abruptly. He could not bare saying the rest of his speech to her lovely innocent face. "No, I can't. You haven't made the mistakes. I have. So fuck this shit."

She took another deep breath in. Knowing that every word she chose mattered. "My point is - you would not say these things to someone else. because you know that it just does not help. It's toxic and only gets you stuck. Owning up your mistakes does not equal beating yourself up for them. I saw your engineer on the hallway. That's not a face of someone who blames you the same way you do yourself."

He finally let her in. "So many hours of people's lives invested in that. The people working, the fans traveling and spending money on watching me fail like a school boy. What if I'm just not enough?"

It was strange how much she was able to relate to that feeling. "If you'll start believing these thoughts, you will not be. But there is so many smart people who believe in you. Not because they like you or because they are a fan. Because they look at the graphs and see it. Black on white."

"Do you believe in me?" he heard himself slipping through his lips. All walls were down at the moment. The raw look in his eyes was something Y/N would remember forever.

There was no way she could answer this in a negative matter. "I'm scared of you on the track," she laughed. "In the best way possible. When you flew beside me today, I felt....I dunno. I guess I felt proud."

Silence fell over the two very tired and exhausted souls. Maybe that's why they were able to let their guards down. In that moment, Lando regretted every bad word he ever said to her. She stood there, in the most human way he ever saw her. Intoxicating kindness.

"Can I hug you?"

"Yes."

And so he embraced her, with all that he had been holding back these past days, letting go of all the tension, replaying the words she just said to him. The smell of her hair hitting him hard. Her sore post-race body crumbling into his.

part 8

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@scopeiguess @leclercsluv @sulliamour @starmanv @riverxsq @eviethetheatrefreak

finally back at it! more coming - thanks for the support!!!

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carlsdarling · 10 months

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Just some headcanons to some Charakters finding out the reader is pregnant?

Maybe Baby headcanons

What if Carl (and yourself) find out you're pregnant? (I'm not sure I got the request right; I can do headcanons for some other characters too, here are the ones for Carl).

WARNINGS: lowkey smut, pregnancy

You only had unprotected sex once, and that was when you were on a road trip and did it in the back seat of the car. Carl actually wanted to pull out, but you were both so hot for each other that he failed and cum inside you. At home you immediately went to shower and tried to wash out as much cum as you could.

You both then stopped thinking about it. Your periods have never been very regular, and you thought it unlikely that anything would happen right away the one time you didn't use protection.

About four weeks later, you noticed that your breasts were swollen and sore, but you didn't give it much thought. They had always been a little sensitive. There was a slight cramping in your abdomen, as if your period was about to start soon. But nothing happened.

Only two days later, nausea set in. You woke up early in the morning, Carl was still asleep, and you had to hastily free yourself from his embrace. You ran to the bathroom with your hand pressed in to your mouth and threw up.

After a few minutes Carl followed you. "Y/N? Are you ok?" you heard his sleepy voice on the other side of the door.

"Yeah, I'm fine," you lied, "just don't come in."

"I must have eaten something wrong," you guessed as you returned to Carl's room. Carl wondered, because you had eaten the same thing the day before, as had Rick, Michonne, and Judith, and none of them were sick.

The nausea would come and go, it was sometimes more, sometimes less severe. Carl noticed that you were very pale, sleeping a lot and not wanting to go out. He was getting more and more worried. At this point you already had a terrible suspicion, but you didn't want to say anything without being completely sure. Also, you were afraid of how Carl would react if you were really pregnant. After all, you are still so young yourselves.

You needed a pregnancy test, but there was no way to get one in Alexandria without word getting out immediately. After pondering for a long time and becoming more and more desperate, you decided to confide in Maggie. You needed someone to go with you to a pharmacy and look for a test.

You did the test at home in the bathroom and burst into tears when it showed two lines. "When are you going to tell Carl?" asked Maggie compassionately. You couldn't answer though, you were way too upset.

When you met with Carl, he registered your sad mood and asked several times what was wrong, but you always brushed it off and said it was nothing. You even distanced yourself from him. You just didn't dare to tell him....

However, he didn't stop caring about you no matter how many times you sent him away. Finally, as the two of you were playing video games in your room, Carl went to the bathroom. It took him an unusually long time to return, and he looked at you half hurt, half anxious. In his hand he clutched the positive pregnancy test you had hidden in the box with your hair ties. "You're pregnant, Y/N? Why didn't you tell me?" he said accusingly.

"Why are you snooping through my things?" you attacked him, bursting into tears at the same time.

Carl sat down next to you, shocked, and hold you in his arms. "Why didn't you tell me?" he repeated.

"I... I thought you didn't want a baby," you sniffled.

"Well, I'm not thrilled," he admitted honestly. "I'm sure you're not either. But it's our baby, and we'll manage somehow. My parents will help us. I do love you." He hugged you tightly and kissed you. From that point on:

Carl was super protective of you

He got used to the idea of being a father and proudly told the others

He never let you out of his sight for a moment

He got you everything you wanted to eat, no matter how complicated or dangerous it was to get it.

Carl asked Siddiq questions about the birth.

He was just insanely afraid for you and the baby, especially that you might die in childbirth like his mother Lori did

He cursed himself for not carrying a condom that day. Especially when he saw you struggling with nausea and other discomforts

He took every opportunity to scavenge baby stuff somewhere

He was sad because he no longer had his own toys to give the baby

He kept asking if there was anything you needed

Held you in his arms all night long and caressed your belly

The two of you endlessly discussed names for the baby

Instead of comic books, Carl was suddenly reading books about pregnancy and childbirth

He was almost more nervous than you when you finally went into labor

And just as happy when your baby was finally born. ❤❤❤

#carl grimes x reader #the walking dead #carl grimes fanfiction #carl grimes x y/n #carl grimes fluff #carl grimes #twd #carl fanfiction #carl grimes imagines #carl grimes x y/n pregnant

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cinemadaydream · 2 years

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I want this baby with you | Conrad Fisher

Requested by @aliviarivers Hope you enjoy!

pairing: Conrad Fisher x reader

warnings: pregnancy, Belly is kind of a jerk in this one, slight angst.

"I think you and I need to take some time apart."

Your heart aches as Conrad says the words you've been expecting him to say for the past few weeks.

"It's because of Belly, isn't it?" you ask him even though you already knew the answer.

You noticed it a week ago. It started with subtle glances between the two of them that you tried your hardest to ignore.

It wasn't until he had blown you off to go with her to the deb ball, making up an excuse that Susannah had asked him to take her that you knew it wasn't in your head. You knew immediately that he was lying, Susannah had talked about how excited she was to see you and Conrad dressed up together and how she was going to ask Jeremiah to ask Belly.

"I didn't mean to hurt you. It's just Belly and I have always had this unspoken thing between us, and I just want to explore it. To see if it could be more than that."

"If that's what you want to do, then I can't stop you. I hope she makes you happy." You sniffle. You weren't mad, just heartbroken. You cared about both of them deeply and didn't want to be the one getting in the way if they were meant to be with each other no matter how much it hurt you.

"I hope you know that I'll always love and care about you." Conrad says before his eyes shut, walking closer to you before kissing you softly on the forehead. Instead of pushing him away, you let him before you turn away leaving him standing alone at the gazebo.

You were miserable.

It had been a week since Conrad had broken up with you and you hadn't gotten out of bed much since then. The only time you did was to eat but you found it hard to keep anything down. You didn't think much of it, passing it off as your bodies response to crying so much.

It didn't even cross your mind that something else could be causing it until your eyes drift to the unopened box of tampons on your bathroom sink while you're brushing your teeth after getting sick for the second time in an hour.

Your period was late.

Panic rushes through you as you rinse your mouth out before rushing out of your bathroom, quickly sliding your shoes on and grabbing your keys. You tell your mom you're leaving before you get in the car and head to the store.

It doesn't take long for you to get to the store before you're standing in front of a bunch of pregnancy test panicking even more than you were before. You take a deep breath trying to calm your nerves before grabbing a couple of tests to make sure and going home.

You hide all of the test in your purse, quickly rushing up the stairs and locking your door just in case someone tried to come in. You tear open each box before peeing on the sticks and setting a timer for three minutes.

You're pacing back and forth anxiously when the timer goes off, making you stop dead in your tracks. You turn the timer off and take a deep breath before going to look at the test.

All of them said positive. You were pregnant.

Pregnant with Conrads baby.

The thought of him causes the familiar ache in your chest and before you know it, tears start to roll down your cheeks. You cross your arms as you slide down your bathroom wall silently crying.

How were you supposed to tell him? He just left you for Belly. You knew telling him would complicate things even more and the thought of him not wanting the baby scared you. You didn't care if he wanted the baby or not, you were keeping it despite how scared you were about becoming a mother.

It felt like hours before your tears stopped flowing and you picked yourself up off of the floor. You splash cold water on your face before grabbing the test and putting them in your purse so no one could find them until you were ready for people to know.

Just as you go to lay in bed, your phone buzzes and you sigh when you see its Jeremiah. He had called and texted you a bunch of times, but you ignored him You ignored everyone, not wanting to talk about what had happened.

please just let us know you're okay. We miss you. The text reads. You sigh before messaging him back.

I'm fine. Just needed time. I miss you guys too.

Your phone almost immediately buzzes as soon as you reply. How pissed would you be if I told you I'm at your front door?

You groan in frustration. You really didn't want to see him right now, but you didn't want to tell him to go away. Being mean to Jeremiah was impossible. He's been your best friend since you two were in diapers.

You walk downstairs and open the door letting him in. His facial expression softens at the sight of you before he pulls you in for a hug and you quickly return it.

You both let go and he follows you upstairs into your room, sitting down next to you on the bed.

"I'm sorry my brothers a dick." Jeremiah breaks the silence. You laugh before nodding your head.

"Yeah, he kind of is." you agree.

"I know you probably don't want to talk about him but honestly he's acting like a lost puppy without you."

"He's the one who broke up with me."

"I know that. But I know him y/n. He's not as happy with Belly as he is with you. He's moodier than normal and everyone sees it but Belly. I don't see how she hasn't picked up on it yet."

"Is this all you came here to say?" you ask suddenly annoyed at the mention of Belly. You meant it when you said you cared about her, but you didn't want to hear about them.

Jeremiah sighs before leaning against your headboard. "Don't be mad, but Conrad asked me to check on you. Everyone hasn't heard from you, and we were all worried... I was going to come here before he even mentioned it."

Your heart fluttered at the thought of Conrad caring enough to make Jeremiah check on you. You quickly buried that feeling down though knowing there was no use of getting excited. He had made his choice and you needed to be okay with it.

"I really am okay, Jere. I appreciate you coming to check on me." you smile softly at him. He smiles back before nodding his head.

"Of course." Jeremiah says His phone dings. You watch him read the text as he sighs. "I know you probably don't want to see her, but Belly is in my car. She wanted to come and make sure things were okay between you both still."

Your breath hitches in your throat. You wish you told him to leave. You weren't ready to talk to her. You didn't even get the chance to fully process that you were pregnant and now you had to deal with this.

You nod, giving him the okay to tell her she can come in. You decided it would be better to go ahead and deal with her and then later you would talk to Conrad. You wanted him to be the first to know about the baby. You'd let him be the one to tell Belly if he chose to.

It's not long before she's knocking on your bedroom door. "Come in." you tell her. She opens your door and closes it quietly behind her. You watch her for a moment as she stands in front of your door awkwardly.

"You can come sit if you want to." you say looking down at your hands in your lap. You hear her mumble out a soft okay before Jeremiah scoots over some to let Belly sit in front of you.

"I just want to say I'm really sorry, y/n. It's just I've liked him since we were kids and he's finally seeing me the way I've been waiting for him to." Belly explains. "I hope that we can still be friends."

You wanted to yell at her. Tell her that you've been in love with him since you were little too. But you don't. You stay quiet wrapping your arms around your stomach.

"I think the two of you should go now." you finally say. You glance at Jeremiah who's looking at you sadly. Belly sighs before she stands up a little too quickly accidently knocking your purse over and everything inside of it comes out.

"Shit. I'm sorry." She says reaching down to pick up the mess. Your eyes go wide as you leap in front of her trying to grab the test before she sees it.

You realize you're too late as her body stiffens and Jeremiah sees it too as you hear him mumble holy shit under his breath.

You snatch the pregnancy tests up and put everything in your bag before standing up to look at them. Both of their facial expressions were mixed with shock.

"Are you pregnant?" Jeremiah asks despite knowing. The positive test result very clearly had two lines, but he just needed to hear you actually say it.

"Yes I am."

You don't look at them in fear about what their reactions would be. You wanted to cry again. It was supposed to be Conrad finding out first, not them.

"I don't think you should tell Conrad." Belly says.

"What is wrong with you, Belly? It's his kid. Of course she should tell him." Jeremiah snaps at her before looking at you. "You are going to tell him, right?"

"I'm going to. You guys showed up just a little after I had taken the test." You were slightly angry about Belly's response but chose to ignore it. You really just wanted this to be over. Please don't tell him. I want to be the one to do it."

They both nod before getting up to leave. Belly makes her way out of your room saying a quick goodbye, but Jeremiah stays behind pulling you into a hug careful not to squeeze too hard.

"No matter what happens I'll always be here for you. I know Conrad can be an asshole, but I don't think he will be one about this. You should talk to him, don't listen to Belly. She just knows he still loves you and knows this will make things complicated."

You smile softly. "I will."

"That's all I ask." he replies before letting you go and leaving.

You collapse on your bed with a sigh thinking about a good way to tell Conrad before you pull out your phone.

Can we talk? You stare at the text for a moment before hitting send.

You bite your lip as you wait for a response, but as minutes pass by you realize you probably weren't going to get one right now. It was late, he was probably already sleeping by now.

With a sigh, you toss your phone next to you before rolling over and closing your eyes. The day's events exhausted you, so it didn't take long before you were fast asleep.

You woke up with the same overwhelming nausea feeling that has been waking you up for the past week. You quickly get out of bed and rush into the bathroom before getting sick.

Once you finish you quickly brush your teeth and wash your face before walking over to your bed and grabbing your phone.

Your heartbeat quickens when you see a message from Conrad. You waste no time unlocking your phone and reading the message.

Of course. Is everything okay?

You sit down on your bed before typing your response.

Do you think we can talk face to face? I don't want to talk about it over text.

Sure. I'll be home soon if you want to come over.

See you soon. You reply to him and stand up. You get dressed and head downstairs to try to get something to eat before going to his place.

You settle for a piece of toast and some water in hopes it wouldn't upset your stomach. You quickly eat before getting into your car and heading over to his place.

It doesn't take long before you're in his driveway. You force yourself to unbuckle yourself and get out of the car, going to the front door and knocking.

Jeremiah is the one who opens the door for you. He smiles widely when he sees its you, opening the door further to let you in. "Glad you're here." he says.

"I figured I might as well tell him today." you reply.

He nods in understanding. "He's in the kitchen."

"Thanks, Jere." You smile at him before you walk towards the kitchen. Your hands shake slightly as you walk in and see him sitting at the kitchen table eating muffins.

"Hey." you say, your voice barely above a whisper. He turns to look at you and your heart feels like it might explode seeing him again.

You notice his eyes have dark circles under them. He looked exhausted and it made you frown. You knew you probably didn't look much better though. You could feel your face still swollen from the amount of crying you've been doing.

"Hey." he replies. You don't say anything nor move from where you were standing. You feel frozen in place. You begin to say something but before you could get anything out, Belly comes in and notices you.

You watch her stop in her tracks, glancing at both Conrad and you before searching your faces for any sign that you told him about your pregnancy. Relief washed over her face when she realizes you haven't said anything.

Your heart drops when she walks over to Conrad and kisses him on the mouth right in front of you.

"We should go take a walk on the beach." Belly suggests to Conrad. You watch Conrad look at Belly before looking back at you, trying to decide what to do.

"Actually y/n and I were about to talk. We can after?" Conrad asks.

"It's fine. You two go ahead. We can talk about this another time." you say finally finding the courage to move from the spot you had been standing in.

"Are you sure?" Conrad stands up and walks towards you.

"I'm sure, it's fine." you say turning on your heels and walking fast out of the kitchen.

Jeremiah sees you rushing out of the house and quickly gets up off the couch to stop you. "Hey, hey. What's wrong? Did he not take it well?"

"I didn't tell him. Belly came in and asked him to go on a walk with her on the beach." you rush out, tears threatening to spill out of your eyes. You were tired of how much you had been crying. "She kissed him in front of me. I just want to go home; I'll tell him another time."

Jeremiah sighs before nodding and letting you leave.

Jeremiah knew Belly had done it on purpose. The entire car ride home last night she wouldn't stop telling him she didn't want Conrad to know about the baby, that it wasn't going to do any good and that it was pointless for him to find out about a child he'd have with a girl he doesn't want.

He was pissed and snapped at her. That was his soon to be niece or nephew and he couldn't help being a little excited about it. As much as Jere loved Belly, he couldn't believe how shitty she was being. Conrad deserved to know about the baby.

Jeremiah decided he was going to take matters in his own hands, not wanting to see you anymore hurt than you already were. Maybe it would be better if he told Conrad instead just in case there was a slight chance Conrad wouldn't want the baby. The stress couldn't be good for you or the baby.

He's waiting for about ten minutes when he finally sees Conrad and Belly walking back from the beach. Jeremiah lifts himself up from the side of the pool where he had been sitting with his legs in the water before making his way to them.

"You just couldn't help yourself, could you Belly?"

Conrads looks at his brother confused before glancing at Belly. He could see a guilty look form on her face. "What are you talking about?"

"Do you want to tell him or should I?" Jeremiah asks.

"Don't do this, please." Belly pleads to Jeremiah, but he ignores her.

"He deserves to know the truth."

"Truth about what? What is going on?" Conrad asks. He looks at his brother waiting for him to speak.

"Y/n is pregnant. She came over here to tell you. We saw the test fall out of her purse last night and Belly told her not to tell you. That's why she asked you to walk on the beach with her."

"Is this true, Belly?" Conrad asks. His heart is hammering inside of his chest. Were you really pregnant? He felt so guilty for ending things between you. He missed you a lot, wanted to call you but refrained knowing it wasn't fair to do that to you.

Now he wishes he had. He wanted to hold you close to him and never let you go when he seen you in the kitchen. You looked fragile, he could see your face was puffy and your eyes were almost blood shot. He did that to you and he would never forgive himself for it.

"Y-Yeah. It is. I'm so sorry, Conrad." Belly cries. She tries to reach for Conrad's hand, but he yanks his away from her.

Conrads stomach churns as he pictures you taking the test and how scared you must have felt. Probably as scared as he was feeling right now. He should have been there for you, holding you and telling you things would be okay.

"I got to go talk to her."

"What about us, Conrad?" Belly asks. Conrad sighs deeply.

"I'm sorry but there should have never been an us to begin with. I love y/n. We shouldn't have done this."

Conrad rushes past Jeremiah and grabs his keys before driving to your place.

He pulls up into your driveway and parks his jeep before reaching in his pocket and grabbing his phone and calling you.

"Can you let me in?" Conrad asks. You tell him yes and his heart breaks a little hearing your voice crack. He could tell you had been crying.

Your opening the door as Conrad walks up to your porch, and he makes his way into your house before you both go up to your room.

"Conrad I-" You begin to say but he interrupts you kissing you hard on the mouth. You're shocked at first, but you eventually close your eyes and kiss him back. He's the first to pull away, still holding your face with his hand.

"I know you're pregnant." he says.

You move his hand from your face and walk to sit on your bed. "I assume Jeremiah told you."

"He did. I'm sorry you didn't get to. I should have stayed and talked to you." Conrad sits down next to you before taking your hands into his.

"It was probably better that way." you shrug looking down at your guys' hands.

"I want this baby with you." Conrad says making you look up at him. Your body instantly relaxes as relief washes over you.

"I'm glad. I was scared you wouldn't." you tell him. "I think we could make good co parents if we try."

Conrad shakes his head. "I don't want to be co parents, I want to be with you. I fucked up."

"I don't want you to be with me only because we're having a baby, Conrad. I want you to be with me because you want to be with me."

"I do want to be with you." he reassures you. "I shouldn't have broken up with you. It was only a week, but it was one of the longest weeks I've ever had. I missed you like crazy."

"Then why did you breakup with me to begin with if Belly wasn't who you wanted?"

"I don't know. I guess I just wanted to see if there really was something between Belly and I the way everyone kept suggesting. My mom loves you, but she always joked about losing one of us to Belly. I guess I got so caught up in what everyone kept telling me that I risked losing the girl I really love."

And for the first time that week you begin to cry for a different reason. You were happy and relieved. You move over to him and wrap your arms around him. "I love you too, Conrad. But if you ever do anything like that again, I won't take you back. I mean it." you warn.

"Trust me, I don't plan on it I plan to show you how sorry I am every single day for the rest of our lives." You can hear his voice crack and you don't need to see his face to know he's crying too.

"I can't believe we're going to be parents." you mumble against his shoulder.

"I can't either. I can't wait." Conrad says chuckling as he lets you go to place a kiss on your lips.

You couldn't wait either. You were more than excited, knowing Conrad and you were going to be good parents to your unborn child.

#conrad fisher imagine #conrad fisher x reader #the summer i turned pretty #conrad fisher #tsitp imagine #tsitp #tsitp x reader

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griffin-girl-r · 7 months

Text

Breathe

Created: 09.10.2023

Finished: 09.10.2023

Edited: 09.10.2023

Age: Newborn

Word count: 1,485

Warnings: Birth complications

Request: Yes (Wattpad user)

Pairing: BlackHill

Summary: Natasha and Maria get ready to welcome their baby into the world but the complicated delivery they experience brings something unexpected for them.

—

Maria was lying on the hospital bed with her wife, Natasha, sitting beside her for emotional support.

The couple was about to welcome their miracle baby into the world and they couldn't be happier.

Thanks to the medical advancements that were created by Bruce in his lab, with a little bit of financial support from Tony, the scientist discovered a way for two women to have their own biological child and the first couple that volunteered to be tested on was, obviously, Maria and Natasha.

Needless to say, it was the best decision they took in their entire lives because it offered them the chance to fulfill their dreams of becoming parents.

Sure, they have thought about adoption and alternative methods, like a donor, but it, just, didn't feel right for them.

So that's what brought them to this moment.

The joyous day when Maria, who had been the one to carry the baby, entered in labor, and each passing second brought the couple closer to the moment they would hold their tiny angel in their arms.

"You can do this, baby." Natasha encouraged Maria, her voice filled with anxiety and anticipation "You're so strong."

"It hurts so much, Nat." Maria cried out in pain, squeezing Natasha's hand with such strenght as if she wanted to break it

Maria was already in labor for the past 20 hours and the doctors buzzed around the expectant mother, emanating an air of concern.

They knew all too well that a prolonged labor was nothing but harmful for both the mother and the baby.

"I know, my love." Natasha wiped the sweat away from Maria's forehead with her hand before placing a firm kiss on it "The doctors are here to help you and Bruce will make sure that it won't be long till our baby is here."

"I want this baby out of me!" Maria screamed as a contraction hit her full force

"Call down, Agent." Bruce stormed inside the room, adjusting his medical gloves on his hands "The time for your baby to come is here."

"Thank God." Natasha breathed out reliefed "You heard that, sweetheart? Our baby needs you now more than ever. I'm right beside you. We're in this together."

"You better!" Maria groaned

Bruce walked over to the bed and placed an oxygen mask over Maria's face, carefully helping the pregnant woman to change her position and prepare for the delivery.

"I love you so much, Masha." Natasha whispered into her wife's ear, brushing the wet hair away from Maria's forehead "We'll get through this as a team."

"Alright, Maria." Bruce positioned himself at the foot of the bed "You know what you need to do. Now push."

"I can't do this!" Maria screamed, overwhelmed by the unbearable pain that was cursing through her body

"I can see the head!" Bruce shouted "Just one more push!"

"Tasha..." The brunette breathed out exhausted, her face pale "Please, take care of our baby."

Natasha shook her head as she squeezed Maria's hand reassuringly "I will but you are also going to be there to help me raise our baby."

"You know my mother died to bring me into this world." Maria tearfully said "What if I'm destinated to die during childbirth as well? Is that how she felt? Without any regret to die only for the wellbeing of the baby."

"That won't happen, babe." Natasha reassured with a rushed tone "You just focus on taking deep breaths and don't worry about anything else."

"No one's going to die today." Bruce loudly declared "Not you, not your baby. Not on my watch."

"Ah!" Maria screamed as she gathered the last remains of strenght she had left in her body

Silence settled over the room and Maria let out a deep sigh in relief, relaxation washing over her entire being.

"You did it, love!" Natasha cheered, kissing Maria's dry lips

But something was odd.

Maria weakly lifted her head and scanned the room with her eyes. The relief she felt was quickly replaced by worry as fear gripped her heart.

The deafening silence in the room persisted, casting an eerie veil of dread over everyone.

"Why isn't the baby crying?" Maria mumbled, voicing out the question that was present in her and Natasha's minds

"Shit!" Bruce loudly cussed, turning around to a nearby table, his hands working on auto-pilot

"Bruce?" Natasha swallowed the lump in her throat before slightly standing up to catch a glimpse of what was going on "What's happening? What's wrong with our baby?"

"She's not breathing." Bruce swiftly moved as he carefully placed the newborn baby on the table

"No..." Maria cried out in disbelief "It can't be."

"She's going to be okay." Natasha tried to keep her tears at bay, failing miserably in doing so, her heart tightening in her chest "Our baby is going to be okay."

"Come on, little baby." Bruce huffed as he started performing CPR on the baby "You ain't going anywhere."

"Please, baby." Maria cried as Natasha pulled Maria's head into her chest "Breathe."

"Just breathe, sweetie." Natasha continued, hugging Maria tighter to her chest

Time seemed to stand still in those moments of uncertainty.

They couldn't have fought so fiercely to have a baby only to have their hearts crushed before they even got the chance to hold their baby girl into their arms.

"Please, Y/N." Maria cried

"Come on!" Bruce shouted, a vein on his neck turning green "Your mothers need you here with them!"

"My life for hers!" Maria shouted, her gaze shifting upwards towards the ceiling as tears cascaded uncontrollably down her cheeks "If that's what you want then take it! Just save my baby."

Just then, it was as if the heavens heard Maria's pleading, and a cry pierced through the room, though weak at first.

"She's back!" Bruce laughed in disbelief "We got her back!"

Maria shot her eyes closed tightly, a cry of relief escaping her mouth as the weight of Bruce's words settled in.

Natasha's knees suddenly gave up on her and she dropped back into the chair underneath her as her limbs froze and she couldn't move anymore.

Bruce turned around, holding you in his arms and he gently placed you in Maria's waiting arms.

Your parents instantly noticed how your bluish skin was slowly turning pale and then back to its normal color.

Natasha reached her trembling hand toward your tiny foot and marveled at how small it was, while Maria placed a soft kiss on the soft tufts of brown baby hair that adorned your tiny head.

"Welcome to the world, Y/N." Maria smiled, as she looked into your big, innocent, green eyes

"So what happened then?" Natasha asked Bruce a few hours later while she sat on Maria's bed, her arms wrapped around her girls

"She experienced a nuchal cord that cut the oxygen flow." Bruce looked over the file in his hand

"Bruce..." Natasha sighed "I speak a lot of languages but your medical language ain't one."

"Explain it in terms we can understand, Banner." Maria looked up from your sleeping face to Bruce as she kept slowly rocking you

"She experienced a cord compression which literally means that she was born with the umbilical cord wrapped around her neck too tightly." Bruce explained "It's not an unusual thing to occur during difficult births. It happens in around 20-30% of cases and the long labour Maria had just made everything a little bit more difficult."

Maria looked back down at the baby in her arms and she teared up before voicing her concerns.

"Will she be okay?" Maria's trembling voice choked back tears "Is the lack of oxygen she experienced in the first moments of life going to leave lasting consequences?"

"She's going to be just fine." Bruce smiled reassuringly "I checked her and I can confirm that she will be able to live a completely normal life without any lasting consequences."

Both mothers allowed relief to wash over them and they shifted their attention back to you but not before sharing a quick kiss.

"I told you that everything would be okay." Natasha whispered, your tiny fingers tightly wrapped around the redhead's index finger

"I am so happy to finally have her here with us." Maria chuckled tearfully "She gave us quite the scare."

"That you can say again, love." Natasha laughed

This wasn't the perfect birth Maria and Natasha imagined that they would experience but it had its unique way to ensure that the new mothers would never forget this day.

This day reminded them of the fragility of life and, at the same time, of its beauty and the moments that are worth living for.

Despite everything, all that mattered was that their baby was alive, healthy, and breathing.

Every hardship they faced served as the reminder to appreciate each day and live it to the fullest.

—

Permanent taglist: @lizlil , @mmmmokdok , @sheneonromanoff , @justarandomreaderxoxo , @observeowl , @darkstar225 , @circe143 , @lovelyy-moonlight , @natsxwife , @dannipotatoo , @youralphawolf72 , @ravensinthedaylight

#mama nat #natasha romanoff #natasha romanoff x daughter!reader #natasha x daughter!reader #natasha's child #natasha's kid #natasha romanoff x teen!reader #natasha x teen reader #natasha x baby!reader #blackhill #maria hill x daughter!reader #maria hill

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koofishy · 10 months

Text

A Cup-le of Idiots

AU where fwbs namseok arrive to a party only to see four stacks of cups in different colors... and not be able to decide which one to choose from.

I originally posted this as a twitter thread but decided to upload it here too, mostly to test the waters bc I'm very new to tumblr lol

I wrote this on a whim and on my phone, so there are probably a few mistakes, but whatever! Enjoy

There are four stacks of cups on the table, each with a label stating what their colors represent. Pink means 'taken', purple is 'DTF', blue reads 'single AF' and green is 'it's complicated'.

Namjoon and Hoseok have been staring at them for like 10 minutes now. They had to stand aside because a whole frickin' line accumulated behind them, angry partygoers shouting at them to "just take one, oh my gosh, it's not that deep, get it over with!"

But it is that deep, actually, thank you very much. Their whole relationship depends on this tiny colored piece of plastic. This choice will determine the future of their arrangement, for better or for worse.

Hoseok glances at Namjoon nervously, who has a hand on his nape and beads of sweat trickling down his forehead. He looks back at Hoseok, uneasy grin splitting his lips awkwardly.

"So, uh. Which. Which one should we?"

Hoseok giggles anxiously, hands fisting the edge of his shirt.

"Uh, you can choose. I'm on the same page," he says. Like he did twenty times before.

Namjoon pales.

Hoseok takes pity on him.

"Okay, maybe this one-," he reaches for the blue cup.

Right at the same time as Namjoon reaches for the green.

They both pause, eyes wide and yank their hands back.

"Of course, blue is- it's good, yes," Namjoon nearly falls over himself in his hurry to take a blue cup off the stack.

"Nonono, it can be green, you're absolutely right!," Hoseok tries to push his hand away.

His pulse is running a mile a minute in his ears. It's similar to the first time he and Namjoon... did the do, but less euphoric and more... throwing up-ish.

Why didn't they discuss their relationship better before falling head first into it??

"You're right, green is perfect, we're stuggling right now too, we are complicated for sure," Hoseok tries to argue.

Namjoon shakes his head.

"Blue is good, it's not like we're in a relationship."

Hoseok's heart cracks a little, feeling heavy as lead, even though it was him who chose blue in the first place.

"But other people might come up to us, then. You said you weren't interested in anything serious," Hoseok says. He feels Namjoon freeze next to him, but ignores it in favor of picking up a purple cup. "Wouldn't this be better, then?

"I said I didn't want anything serious?," he hears Namjoon ask.

"Yeah. That's why we're, y'know. Like this," Hoseok gestures vaguely, still eyeing the purple plastic thing. "I don't really feel DTF though, maybe I should just take the blue one. But you can go with purple-"

"Hoseok," Namjoon grabs his arm, huge hand enveloping Hoseok's slim wrist, making a light blush rise to his cheeks. "Hoseok!"

"What," he turns to Namjoon and halts.

The man looks like a deer caught in headlights, pretty brown eyes wide in shock.

"What is it?," Hoseok asks again worriedly. He reaches out on instinct, putting a hand over Namjoon's. "Is something wrong?"

"Hoseok," Namjoon repeats, then shakes his head. "Are you- Did you say we're fwbs because of me? Because I didn't want anything serious?"

"Uh," Hoseok frowns. "Yeah? You don't remember?"

Namjoon takes a breath.

"I thought we were fwbs because you didn't want anything serious!"

Hoseok stares at him for a good second.

What?

"No," he says, confused. He agreed to it because he wanted to be as close to Namjoon as possible and that seemed to be the only way.

"Hoba," Namjoon leans down a little to be face-to-face with Hoseok. Gosh, he's huge.

And so nervous. The anxious lines on his forehead are visible from miles away. He's biting his lip hard as he tries to find the right words.

Hoseok brushes his thumbs across Namjoon's knuckles gently.

"What is it, Joonie?"

He doesn't know why he's holding his breath.

Namjoon struggles for another second, then he closes his eyes, inhales. When he looks up again, he is much calmer. More determined.

Hoseok's heart is beating out of his ribcage. He holds Namjoon's gaze.

"Hoba," Namjoon starts, pronouncing the nickname oh-so gently. Hoseok's blush deepens. "I only agreed to be fwbs because I thought you wanted that."

Namjoon's plush lips curl into a small smile.

"I wanted to be your boyfriend. I just thought you weren't looking for that."

Hoseok's brain stops, short-circuits. Everything feels fuzzy around him.

What.

"What?," his voice sounds weak.

Namjoon's hand slips from his wrist, only to intertwine his fingers with Hoseok's.

It's warm. Feels right.

"I still want to be your boyfriend, you know," Namjoon is gazing at Hoseok with eyes full of fondess. "I will say that out loud before we misinterpret each other again."

Hoseok blinks.

He feels like he's dreaming.

But Namjoon squeezes his hands affectionately, fingers fitting perfectly between Hoseok's, and looks at him with so much care he feels flowers blooming inside himself.

Hoseok reaches out without a second thought. He's done with overthinking this.

He fists a hand in Namjoon's shirt and yanks him forward, meeting him halfway in a kiss that's both familiar and so new. Namjoon pulls him closer instantly, one hand still holding Hoseok's, the other going around his waist.

They get lost in the feeling, in each other. It's sweet and leaves them breathless when they part.

"I like you so much," Hoseok whispers, leaning in for another peck that Namjoon deepens into another kiss.

Hoseok's heart shaped smile is wide and shining when they pull away.

"We are so fucking stupid," he states, making both of them laugh.

"We are," Namjoon agrees. Then, he turns to the stacks of cups Hoseok has completely forgotten about. "I presume we know what to pick now."

Hoseok snatches two pink cups, giggles bubbling from his chest, feeling lighter than a butterfly.

"If I see any other color in your hands, you're dead, Kim Namjoon," he warns, but dissolves into a laughing mess when Namjoon pulls him into a hug, peppering kisses all over Hoseok's face.

"I've been dreaming of this far too long, baby, you won't pry this pink cup out of my cold dead hands!"

#namseok #bts au #bts au fic #namseok fic #rm #jhope #namjoon #hoseok #that pic of the cups that had twitter in its grip for weeks #fwb namseok #idiots in love #fanfic #my stuff #bts fanfiction

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wellitsjustmeagain · 1 year

Text

I just need to write to the void for a hot second, and then I'll be fine.

(Tw I guess for complex dad & family feelings, life threatening stuff & hospitals)

I called my dad Tuesday on a whim, heard he wasn't well. He told me his legs were swollen but he was fine, and I called my mom who helped me to bring him to the emergency room.

When I got there after work I was told he had suffered from a heart attack, his blood pressure was insane, and was having congestive heart failure. He's been in the ER and cardiology since then. I was told I probably saved his life by making him go and that he wouldn't have made it to veterans day (when he was originally going to get checked out because he'd been avoiding things) he had no idea he'd had the heart attack, and was just strong willing his way through life. One doctor said he thought he had the wrong patient, because based on his numbers he shouldn't have been able to talk or speak like he was.

He's been making progress. He can pick up the phone, walk more than 4 steps and brush his teeth without running out of breath, all things he couldn't do before coming in. And most of the swelling in his legs has also gone down. So, all positives? We flew my sister down the first night so she's been here too. However his kidneys are super messed up and they can't do any tests to figure out what happened to his heart until the kidneys are functioning properly again.

It's been hard. And frustrating. My relationship with my dad is complicated. and messy. I love him, and I know he loves me, but things often feel conditional and stressful. I'm sometimes resentful of how things are, and it's made navigating this feel difficult in ways I wasn't expecting.

I feel guilty. I always knew I'd feel guilty if things happened. Guilty about the space I put in place for myself making this harder. Guilty over these complex feelings. Sometimes I feel weak, because of how much I've cried. That all I want for some reason is to be held?? That I'm not the same level of strong as my sister who just holds it all in. That I don't drive and it pulled my mom into this. Sometimes I'm thankful that I'm there. Happy he's getting a bit better. Angry that he didn't say anything sooner. Anxious that he might not take some of this seriously. Annoyed at my sister. Feeling like I'm being left out in some ways because she's so forceful, yet I'm the oldest. Annoyed at myself because this isn't the time to be thinking such things that's asinine. Annoyed that I'm probably just tired and not handling stress in the best way and I'm lashing out instead. I'm worried about my future.

Knowing i now have to learn how to drive, regardless of how anxious I am because it will help me check on him in Cheney. Knowing that this space I'd put in between us to figure out some things in life will close. Because I want him to get better. And I care about him. Figuring out the balance of making sure he's OK without him becoming incredibly dependant, because that's how he is..

He's young. He was born in 1970. There's so much that can be fixed for the better.

And I find myself always standing at the crossroads of wanting to forgive, and yet feeling like I'm bending if I do.

Everything is a mess. Haha but we're figuring it out one thing at a time

#personal #Just don't want to bottle stuff that doesn't help anyone #Probably will delete later

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thefallenbibliophilequote · 3 years

Text

Blank Space

Loki x Reader

1989, chapter 2

"There once was a girl known by everyone and no one"

Summary: It's hard to find the one, but even if you do find him it's always going to be a daily struggle to make it work. Can you even make it work after he broke your heart? The answer to that is complicated, but it all started when you found each other again in the stark tower- and that's where our story begins.

Word count: 4,864

Warnings: medium level angst I guess, and language as always.

A/N: writing this was challenging and I complained about this for like half of my mutuals lol. However, I did find the perfect song to mix with the title track obv and it was perfect to show their past. You will learn more about their past in future chapters.

A/N: thanks to @chrissquares for making me beautiful dividers especially for this series and @nacho-bucky for beta reading it all! A reminder to check out the song before reading/during!

No one is allowed to repost my writing or steal or copy my work! Reblog on tumblr is fine.

Series masterlist

song on Spotify and YouTube

"You know him? Y/N, why didn't you tell us?" Steve scolded you as you sat in one of the rooms, in front of him, Natasha, Thor, and Tony. This felt more like an interrogation than a talk.

"Is this an interrogation?" you looked him dead in the eyes, you saw him falter.

"It doesn't have to be if you don't lie to us again."

"I never lied to you."

"You held back information." Natasha said then.

"Fine, yes I know him, I knew him." You sighed, remembering the night you met him, before everything went wrong.

You were walking through the park in the night, was it dangerous? Of course, but you needed to clear your head. That was when you saw him, sitting on a bench in the rain. He was different, you knew that the minute you noticed him- it wasn't even the weird attire he wore, but rather the feeling that came along with him, you didn't feel threatened and you have mace in your bag, so you approached him.

"You will get a cold if you keep sitting in the rain, don't you have an umbrella?" he looked at you and you got shivers from his blue eyes.

"No, I will be fine. Thank you my lady for your concern." God was his voice enchanting. Curiousity got the better of you then.

"You saw him on earth and you didn't say anything? He is not allowed to be here." Tony said, his fingers fidgeting with his cuffs.

"I knew him long before the invasion happened, it wasn't near the time when I became an avenger, or on shield's radar at all." You tried to explain yourself to them. You never lied to then, you never thought you'd see him again especially in the tower. "Look it is all in the past, there is no reason to talk about it."

"You were mad when you saw him, why was that?" Natasha glanced at you, you knew she would read you if you lied.

"Well, I knew him for a while. But he is the god of lies, I don't like being lied to. So that says it all." You shrugged it off.

"So you won't tell me where you're from?"

"I told you, I'm from England."

"No you're not, you're a pretty lousy liar you know?" you smirked at his taken aback look.

"I think you'd be surprised."

"Nope, I can already tell- you're a bad liar. Or you might be good, but I'm better." He gave you a curious look as the rain kept falling around you, the umbrella you were both sitting under protected you.

"He never mentioned you, or going to earth at all. When was this?" Thor asked you.

"Around 2009" it was so long ago, you now realized, but it still felt close to you.

"You should take my umbrella." You suggested to the man but he just laughed as you sat beside him. "What? You said that you need to go, and I live closer than you, I'll be just fine without it, the thunder doesn't scare me."

"I am not quite fond of it actually. But you should get home, it is getting late." He smiled at you and you got up.

"Let's make a trade then, you will take my umbrella" the two of you stood now. "And you will give me your name."

He eventually took the umbrella with a smile, his fingers were cold when they lightly brushed yours, and you went your separate ways.

"You have no reason not to trust me, I never saw him again after 2011!" you just wanted them to understand that it is all behind you.

"I never said I don't trust you, but kid why would you hide this from us?" Steve asked you, you were pretty close, he was kind of like a protective older brother to you- ironic since he is pretty reckless and Bucky is saner than him, but he cared about you.

"It isn't important Steve, he is a liar that isn't new to any of us. It's nothing personal or important anymore."

"Kid it seems pretty personal-" Tony started to say.

"Well it's not!"

"Okay fine, but just know that he will be here for a while until we figure out and deal with this hydra shit. Then after that Point Break over here will take him away." Tony was sincere now, you could see the worry in his eyes, you knew he was affected by the invasion the most. "So take my advice, and make sure that it really isn't personal."

You nodded to him.

"You are however more than welcome to throw him in a little nightmare, I'll pay you." He smiled and you chuckled.

"What are you saying Stark? My lady," oh you haven't heard that in a while. Fuck. "Do not give my brother nightmares, however you plan on doing that." He looked you up and down, and it was as if you could read him like an open book, you didn't have to use any of your powers because you already knew exactly what he thought in his head.

"I'll stay away from him. Just make sure he does the same."

You looked innocent, not harmful, the kind of girl you would offer help to with even the smallest stuff- a good girl. That's what they all saw before getting to know you, and maybe that was you before you got these dark powers, you knew you missed the old you but you could barely remember her.

•

"Are you certain that's what they said?" Natasha asked you from the kitchen table as you made her pancakes.

"I know, it sounds weird but it's Asgardian, they have weird names. Plus I doubt they were lying, they were sleep deprived and I can assure you they have been through a lot of stuff before I started to actually talk to them. Ready?" you looked back at her and she nodded.

You threw the pancake back and by the small 'yay' Natasha let out, you didn't have to turn back to know she caught it with her plate.

"Well, I think I'll go and make them write it down because I am certain we are pronouncing it incorrectly."

"Well I tried! Their accent didn't help at all!" you defended yourself.

"You're still pronouncing it wrongly." You froze, turning around to look at Loki and Thor who walked towards the kitchen. "One would think it was made up by how horribly you ruined the word. How would you know they were truthful after all? What could you have possibly done?"

You held his gaze before deciding to not retort back, you ignored that curious familiar look. He has some nerve to talk. You sat in front of Natasha with your own batch of pancakes, the room was quiet before Thor chimed in to break the tension.

"Are those the cakes from the pan? Oh they are tasty! Would you mind making me and my brother some, Lady Y/N?" Thor was actually nice, how could you say no?

"Of course!" you got up with a smile. "Oh, but I'm afraid there isn't enough batter for the two of you I'm afraid."

You let a small frown take over your face, and you saw Natasha's small smile when you turned to make Thor some pancakes.

"You are a bad liar." Loki pointed out and you didn't have to think.

"I fooled you." Soon enough you turned around to give Thor his pancakes with a smile, pouring the rest of the batter in the sink before sitting down to eat. "Oh and Thor, this is the second warning about what we discussed yesterday, I won't hesitate."

"Very well, however you never did tell me what-"

"It's not important." Thor glared at his brother.

"Brother please be more civil, it's for your benefit." You felt Loki's gaze on you as you ate.

"Do tell me brother, how is it for my benefit?" Loki chuckled.

"Well, you have wronged a lot of people here, and so lady Y/N agreed to not harm you if you stay away. We are here to help my friends!" Thor's booming voice alongside his hopeful smile contrasted his brother's.

You should have known he would test it.

"Oh, and how can she harm me now?" the minute Loki uttered these words you glanced at him for a moment, and the next thing he knew, his heart beat loudly as he fell down from the portal in New York, terrified when he saw the Chitauri around him, one monster opened its mouth and Loki was a moment from dying in its clutches when he heard Thor's voice.

"Enough!" Thor said sternly and Loki was back in the kitchen, disoriented as he took in his surroundings. You only nodded at Thor before you kept eating. Loki disappeared a moment later with a green shimmer.

"I don't like using my powers Thor, but if you care for your brother keep him civil." You said, sorry that Thor had to get offended by it too.

"I understand, but he is here to help right now, mere comments are the least harmful things he could do, there is no need to take it to heart." He put a hand on your shoulder and it was warm enough to get you to agree with him. Stopping hydra should be your top priority.

•

"I hate it when he does that." Tony groaned at the marking on the ground just outside of the compound.

Thor and Loki were now back at the palace gates, they heard a call, and Loki turned to see Iyllir walking up to him. She smiled at him and he smiled back, grateful for the lack of observant eyes to tell his fake smiles apart from the real ones.

"Prince Loki, what took you so long? You missed our picnic." The lady put her arm through his and he heard his brother snicker.

"How unfortunate. My brother and I still have very urgent business to tend to. I must go to a court meeting now." Loki gently tugged his hand out of hers.

"I thought you said this won't take long?" she frowned at him. She certainly was beautiful, with red hair and grey eyes, always majestic like a lady, and yet he couldn't follow both of their families' wishes.

"Well I am afraid things have changed, I won't stay here for long this visit." With that he went and followed his brother towards the big doors that opened for them and he saw Odin there alongside trusted advisers and of course- the warriors three. And then the meeting began.

Loki sat in his chair, bored as they talked about the mortals.

"Father, I can assure you that as of now there is no need in sending Asgardian forces there. My friends are handling it well now." Thor explained to his father and Loki couldn't help but get distracted.

"Let me help you, Y/N" he asked you, chuckling and biting his lip when you glared at him.

"I can handle it Loki!" you said as you tried to handle the pile of books in your hands so you could get the key for your apartment. He was thankful that you couldn't see his face now as he watched you struggle to balance the books on your thigh.

You let out a small shriek as the books fell out and were about to hit the floor when they just stopped midair, and you looked at Loki only to see him leaning on the wall, arms crossed with a smug smile on his face.

"I bet you liked my help now." You groaned.

"Yes thank you and your stupid magic Loki." You leaned down to pick up the books and stack them again after opening your door.

"If I remember correctly you were, oh what's the word- petrified when you first saw my magic"

"That is a big exaggeration! I was just a bit… startled maybe." You walked into the apartment and he closed the door behind you when you suddenly stopped, turning to him with an annoyed shocked expression, your mouth agape and your eyes wide and not amused. "You knocked my books down!"

You were met with a mischievous grin.

"You hurt my feelings darling, do you have any proof?" you huffed out a breath.

"You are insufferable!"

"You seem to manage so far."

"From what I gathered so far, the group called Hydra there seemed to have a hold of some old weapons of ours, nothing too big yet but we are looking into it to find out if there is more stuff we don't know about."

"And do you really think the mortals can handle this?" Odin asked the brothers.

"Yes father, they are very powerful." Loki couldn't help but agree with Thor, they really did manage to surprise him this time. He never expected her.

•

"What is this A children's playground? Stop pulling your punches and fight me." You grunted as you tried hitting Bucky again, you've been too distracted lately, your training didn't go too well and you ended up on the mat more often than not. At this point you considered just using your powers to make it seem like you're winning but now you were fighting Bucky, and from the day you met him you swore to yourself that you will never use your powers on him. He doesn't need anyone messing with his mind again.

So long story short you were getting your ass handed to you.

"I'm not a supersoldier may I remind you, so I'm sorry if I am a little tired! Bucky come on let's take a break." You ducked another punch.

"Maybe your mind just isn't with us right now." Natasha helpfully provided as she sat on the side with a smoothie.

"Fuck off."

"No, really, what is your deal with Loki?" at his mention you delivered a kick to Bucky that made him fall on the mattress with a thud.

"Nothing. Is this good enough for you now Bucky?" you reached out a hand to help him up.

"Now that we got you riled up about him, yes- let's go again." He laughed at the glare you gave him. Your jaw clenched as the two of you got into position.

"Bring it on, Barnes." He went in with his left arm now.

"I will, how did you know him? It certainly looks pretty personal and in-" you turned him around and pinned him to the ground.

"Shut up, just fight me." You heard Natasha laugh beside you and in that moment Bucky took advantage and got you on the ground instead. And you went back.

"What the fuck!" you screamed when you saw the figure in your room, Loki stood there, his face scrunched up.

"Sorry, my love."

"We talked about this Loki, you can't just teleport here- especially when I am sleeping!" you sighed when you saw his regretful face. "Don't stand there like a creep, come here I missed you."

He smiled and you closed your eyes, you still saw the green light that lit up the room when he changed his clothes and got under the covers with you. His hand was cold, making your skin prickle but it was worth it when he pulled you to him and the warmth spread between the two of you.

You fell asleep content with a smile on your face at the kisses he laid on your neck.

"Y/N?"

"What?" you looked up at Bucky who sat back on his heels, his brow was raised.

"You kind of spaced out, you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm- I'm fine. I probably should go though." you got up. "Bruce probably needs help in the lab."

•

"You did not tell father about lady Y/N." Thor stated the obvious.

"Don't call her that. Why would I do that? She is of no import." Loki walked towards his chambers, but alas Thor decided to escort him there with preying questions.

"How did none of us know that you spent time in Midgard?" Thor stopped Loki with a hand on his shoulder.

"That was a long time ago brother."

"And yet it seems that you have quite a history, what happened between the two of you? Were the two of you…?" Thor trailed off and Loki groaned.

"Don't insinuate that, there wasn’t anything. We knew each other for a while and then we didn't. Now, if you will excuse me, I'll go to my room. Alone."

Loki shut the door behind him, in his mind he still saw you and your eyes and then the flashes of the battle of New York. The day was tiring; he decided to get some much needed rest, to get you out of his mind.

The day was exhausting; he had to stay back in Asgard. He couldn't put up illusions all the time, it was taking a toll on him, but it was worth it in his eyes.

The palace was now quiet as everybody went to sleep. Loki wanted to rest too, so he snuck out towards the bifrost. Heimdall had already seen him coming, and was ready to open the way.

"Are you going to keep going to her every night, my prince?" Heimdall asked him and Loki let out a smile.

"Yes. Thank you, truly for keeping this a secret for so long." Heimdall only nodded at him.

"If you are going to keep sneaking out to see her, someone will end up seeing you sometime." Heimdall stepped down and came to Loki. "I think I should show you another way to pass through the realms, I think you are mad enough in love for it to work for you."

When Heimdall showed him the way, he thanked him sincerely, it looked impossible at first but soon enough he was there in your room. You already fell asleep. He watched your figure as you rested, your state of calmness washed over him, and then you suddenly screamed at him, maybe he should have tried to wake you sooner, it didn't exactly matter to him much when just a few moments later he was curled up in the warmest bed he'd ever known.

•

"So you see, this part here it seems to be controlled by the holder of the gun, that must be the Asgardian tech combined with our own." Bruce told you as you gently examined the weapon.

"Damn, how long do you think they had that then? Like, just the time that it took them to develop it…" you thought. There were probably much worse things out there at their hands.

"I'd say at least a couple of months. It's a shame about those scientists." He hesitated to say that and you knew why.

"I didn't know they had that, no one checked their teeth. I was doing my job. It's okay, you can talk about it." You shrugged it off. With a power like yours, you have to get used to using it, you must fit yourself to it… because it certainly won't happen the other way around. But you were fine. You were different now.

Right?

"Well, next time we will check their teeth, to make sure this won't repeat itself. But at least we got some information before that's good right?" you nodded to Bruce and took out the bullets from one of the guns. There was something red, or was it orange, inside it. You examined it closer, moving towards the microscope to try to see for yourself before you ask Bruce about it.

Curiousity killed the cat.

Before you could reach the table, there was a warm sensation in your hand where you held it and then all you knew was that your hand hurt and you hit the floor, the bullet exploding with whatever was in it. Maybe you should've worn gloves.

Oh well, satisfaction resurrected it.

"Bruce, did you see that?"

"Yes Y/N, are you okay?"

"My head hurts but I'm fine, did you know those bullets do that?" you got up a little too fast for Bruce and your head's liking, but you went to the table nevertheless.

"No, they were fine before, you shouldn't have touched them," he fussed around.

"But I saw something-"

"You need to ice your head, tell me or Cho if you feel anything weird. This isn't something we know about Y/N." he handed you an ice pack for your head and told you to sit down, to which you grumbled but obeyed.

"Ah, Y/N, F.R.I.D.A.Y has been telling me that you've been trying to blow up the lab." Tony laughed at you as he entered.

"No, I would never try to steal your job." You shot back and he winked.

"Okay Elsa, I thought you'd like to know that we managed to make sense of some of the files we found in the warehouse and it looks like they have been making trades and dividing what they found."

"What do you mean?" Bruce asked him.

"That place we found was only dedicated to create a couple of things, but they have more out there, dedicated to building who knows what." Tony groaned, "We will need to divide and conquer this, we can't waste time and there is no way I am letting those Asgardian warriors come here. Don't blow things up kiddo!" you nodded to him, things were getting worse by the minute. You pressed your hand holding the ice pack harder against the back of your head. You were not looking forward to tomorrow, so you kept Bruce company until you were too tired to push it any longer. You went to bed and magically managed to convince Bruce to go to sleep.

•

You woke up groaning, you apparently forgot to close the blinds the night before. Going back to sleep will only cause you to oversleep, which will cause Steve to activate the stupid alarm protocol Tony built for him after you annoyed him.

You did not want to wake up to old Captain America songs blasting your ears off.

So you got up and after a short breakfast you reluctantly got on with your duties and important paperwork.

"Miss Y/L/N, you called me? I'm Mike, you asked for an analysis check on some data?" you turned to him then from looking at the board in the small conference room.

"Yes! Hi Mike, thank you. We have some encryptions that probably lead to very specific locations, check radars of isolated places or you know what- scratch that, they could be under our nose in the middle of a city." You looked at him apologetically. "Sorry, I can't narrow it down but we do need those answers as soon as possible. Okay?"

The poor guy looked horrified, his brown eyes were wide and you let out a small sorry when you handed him the big file.

"Yeah, of course Y/N, I will get right to it." With that you were alone in the room once again, going over the information you managed to get from the now dead scientists. This is going to be a long day. You saw it coming and that didn't help at all.

•

"Oh fuck." You cursed when the cold water from the sink touched your palm, it wasn't badly burned but it still hurt you.

You closed the door to your bathroom and turned around to see him standing in your room. Your eyes locked with blue ones, they certainly were familiar even after all this time, but while you could see the hesitation and the other swirling emotions in his eyes you couldn't tell anymore if you could trust what you thought you knew.

"When?" you felt your blood boil, but you knew you couldn't avoid him forever.

"Sometime after-" you hesitated with your words, walking towards your cabinet to put away the first aid kit you had. "After." You settled with that.

"What are you doing here Y/N?" Loki heard his own heartbeats, seeing you here… After all this time and he never forgot you. How could he?

"I'm an avenger now Loki," his name felt bitter on your tongue and you had to swallow to continue. "A lot has changed you know, you don't need to ask all these questions. There is no point to them."

"Oh but there is," at his angry tone you turned around. It was years of bottling the fight that you never had, he never let you have it. "You never wanted this life Y/N! What are you doing fighting out there with heroes or whatever they like to call themselves?"

"They are heroes, they help people. You however seemed to do the opposite from what I remember seeing on the TV." You laughed and shook your head. "I was still there you know, I was right in that same apartment where you left me. And there I saw you on the TV and I didn't even recognize it was you."

"Did you get hurt?" the question startled you.

"No, but it doesn't matter Loki! I am fighting alongside heroes now, I changed since the last time I saw you, this is my place now!"

"Oh darling you can pretend all you want in front of them, but I still know you." He matched your stare now. "This is not your life."

"Well yes it is!" you shook your head when he got closer now, every emotion you never got to express came back to the surface. "Why are you here? Huh? You're the one who left in the first place!"

"I've come here to help-" you stomped up to him.

"You know damn well that is not what I asked." You hated how your voice wavered.

"I did come here to help with the weapons," he continued before you could try to intervene. "And I didn't expect to see you again. But you're here now, and so am I."

"Damnit Loki, we have been through so much together, we weren't dating for only a month or two. A year. We were dating for more than a year and that is a lot." The tears were brimming now when you remembered your theory, that one little theory that ate your heart out, this one theory you found only a few days after. "Or at least here it is. Maybe in Asgard with all the almost-immortal gods a year is insignificant to you- that sure explains it all."

"No, it's not!" he dismissed it immediately and you felt your defenses shattering when he walked towards you. "I know there's pain inside of you, which was caused by me. But I am here now and I can't deny that I can still feel what I felt all those years ago. Just hear me out, we can call it even, just for a little while."

The last time you played this game it left you with a nasty scar. The more that he said, the less you knew what to think anymore.

So you didn't.

You hated the calmness that took over you the moment his lips touched yours, tongue sliding over the other, it left you breathless. You knew it was still love for you, but it was torture, you knew the high will not be worth the pain but he felt too good, too familiar that it made you question that. You didn't know how long has passed, all you knew was Loki, you still fit perfectly with his body which was pressed against you. Time flew by and you didn't know how you got here.

One moment his lips were on yours, the next you were pressed into the mattress, his figure pressing on yours. Maybe this could be good for the weekend… the next moment your legs somehow were wrapped around him and pulled him more into you. His lips trailed down to your throat, making breathy moans come out of your mouth. Your eyes opened and were focused on one spot on the ceiling, when you managed to break out of this delusional pleasure time flew by.

"No Loki, stop." You pushed him off of you. You sat up, curling your legs.

"What? Darling-" he tried reaching out for your thigh but you shook your head.

"You should go, Loki." You didn't look at him. Your hand covered your mouth as you sank into thought.

"Go? Why would I go? I know you feel exactly like I do." You couldn't deny it. You both knew that.

"You left me before Loki, what is the problem with leaving me now?" While you couldn't see him now, you had to get him out of here, so you could think clearly. This was too reckless. "It doesn't matter, this was just a relapse."

He left you there, and once the door shut you broke down, hating yourself for drowning into him again. You knew you were the one breaking your own heart when he took his warmth from the now cold bed. But it is better that you'll break it before he ever gets the chance to do it again.

Tags: @ayybtch @buckys-other-punk @chaoticpete @madcrazy50 @mishkatelwarriorgoddess

#blank space #my writing #1989 #loki x reader #loki laufeyson #loki odinson x reader #angst #loki fanfic #loki fanfiction #loki angst #loki fluff #loki odinson #loki

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quinncupine · 3 years

Text

Obscured Chapter Eight: Belly of the Beast

Chapter Word Count: 6,440

Relationship: Izuku Midoriya X Female Reader

Previous Chapter: Seven

MASTERLIST

Warnings: Kidnappings, violence, language, blood, near-death experiences, drugs

I hope you enjoy this chapter! Let me know what you think!

...

A steel-toed boot to the chest woke Izuku up. He sucked in a breath and his eyes shot open. His brain felt like mush and every inch of his body ached. Something heavy and cold constrained his arms, hands pulled so far behind him that the tips of his fingers brushed against his shoulder blades and strained his bruised ribs. Layers of heavy metal chains had wrapped around him like a cocoon, which forced him to sit on his knees.

"Oh, looks like Sleeping Beauty finally awakes," an electronic voice mused. "Took your sweet time, didn't ya?"

Izuku tried to blink away the blurriness. He'd felt the effects of a sedative before; they weren't fun. If the chains weren't holding him upright, he would've fallen over. Through the pounding headache and general drowsiness, he managed to look up at his captor.

It was a mask he would recognize anywhere. Kabuki.

"You look dumbfounded." Kabuki crouched in front of him. "Or maybe just dumb."

He looked around, taking in his surroundings. In the dim light, he could make out steel beams in front of him. Two sets that ran parallel to each other, and lined by thick cement barricades. Two sets of rail tracks ran on either side of the beams in a large trench. He was sitting on the raised platform in what looked like some sort of abandoned subway station: complete with faded graffiti, piles of molded trash, and even a decayed staircase that went nowhere. A train whistled around the corner and a few moments later, rushed through, not bothering to slow down.

He blinked hard and forced his brain to start the gears. His memory was a little fuzzy; drugs tend to have that effect. How did he end up here? What was he doing last? He had left the hospital with you, that much he remembered. Then...then the car had been attacked. The bridge blew and you fell. You fell. The pieces slowly came together until they all clicked. His head shot up, eyes roaming around the rusted station in a panic.

"Looking for someone?" Kabuki cocked his head.

Izuku forced his attention back to him. "Where is she?"

"Ah, don't you worry about that," he shrugged. "It's just you and me right now. I wanted some one-on-one time with you."

Izuku flexed his fingers, another mini panic jolted through him when he didn't feel his quirk. "Why?"

"Haven't figured it out yet?" He stood up. "What a shame. And here I thought you were supposed to be the clever one. Hmm, maybe I gave you too much credit." He crossed his arms. "You don't even know who I am."

He tested the binds. With his strength gone and his head still a little fuzzy, it would be a lot more difficult to break free. He needed a plan, and fast.

"I know exactly who you are," he said.

"Oh really?" Kabuki laughed. "Do enlighten me then."

"You were the one who killed the Hashira. You also killed an officer, Officer Manaka. The two don't connect unless you trace back to three years ago." He explained as he wracked his brain for an escape route. "I looked into his records. He'd been receiving large sums of money for years from false accounts. The Hashira had him on their payroll. He would look the other way whenever they were involved and even helped cover up their mistakes. He was a dirty cop." He worked on getting his fingers free while he talked. "You were the first to figure it out."

"What's with the long story?" He put his hands on his hips. "You know, I've always hated how you ramble, it's annoying."

"The Hashira killed your family didn't they?." He said and Kabuki tensed. "It's why you targeted them. You killed Officer Manaka because he worked for them. It's why you killed any criminal you came across, warranted or not. It's why you became the Metal Hero Cobalt; to prevent what happened to you from happening to others. Isn't that right, Ikari?"

The two stared at each other in silence before Kabuki broke into laughter, which sounded pretty weird coming from an electronic mask. He pulled the long hood of his coat back before slipping the mask off. Blue locks of hair fell free, revealing the face of a young woman.

"Got it all figured out, huh?" She looked down at her mask. "I am glad you remember me. It would've been awkward if you didn't."

"You were a hero, Ikari," Izuku said. "Look at what you're doing, this isn't you."

"Don't pretend to know me." She narrowed her eyes. "Don't you dare forget that I'm not a hero anymore because of you."

"You know why." He said. "But that doesn't mean you have to become this."

"This?" A finger trailed down the center of the mask before she chucked it at him. "You're exactly the reason I had to do this! Everything that happened, everything that will happen, it's your fault Deku."

The mask bounced off his chest and landed at his feet. The empty eyes seemed to bore into him, mocking him.

"Blaming me doesn't make what you did any less wrong." The chains seemed to tighten around him on their own, but he still continued. "Those people didn't deserve to die. You can't play judge, jury, and executioner. You're acting like Stain."

"Stain?" She cocked her head. "You think I'm like Stain? He might've had the right idea, but he didn't know how to execute it properly. He killed any hero that got in his way...well, except for you." She tapped her chin. "You fought him the night he was captured, didn't you? Of course, that's not the official story anyway, but you were the one to take him out."

Izuku didn't say anything so she continued. "The problem with Stain is that he was too focused on the killing and not the actual changing. You should've been rewarded with taking him out, instead, you were threatened into silence and let that lava-brained oaf take all the credit. That's one of the many problems with the hero system. No one understands what true justice is anymore, instead jumping through red tape to make themselves look good. The wicked should be punished to the full extent. The heroes of this world need a major overhaul, and Japan will be the first to witness it."

"So you want to kill me, is that it?" He managed to slip a few fingers free. "And then what?"

"Ah, look at that, you got me monologuing." She chuckled. "You think you can get me to reveal my master plan? I'm well aware of hero tactics. Besides, what fun is there unless you figure it out when it's already too late? Let's see how much longer you can call yourself hero."

The ground rumbled as a train raced through the station on the closest track. The noise reverberated off the walls, making Izuku's headache that much worse.

"You brought me here for a reason." His wrist slipped free, but the rest of his arm was still trapped behind his back. "For some sort of retribution. Revenge."

"Oh, I'm not going to hurt you, if that's what you think." She bent down and patted his cheek. "No, I think you'll be more than capable of that yourself."

If she was going for ominous, she nailed it. Although he wasn't too sure of the 'no hurting' part. Villains don't just kidnap someone and bring them to an abandoned subway station in who-knows-where to have a nice chat. She was up to something, but the 'what' was still unclear.

The air beside them bent into a point before it expanded back out, bringing two people with it, both of which he recognized. A disturbing copy of himself holding onto what he prayed wasn't the real you. The 'what' suddenly became crystal clear.

"Gah, shit!" Fake Izuku toppled over, clutching his leg that had turned into a popsicle. "That damn bastard!"

You fell on your butt and scuttled backward, running into the decayed staircase. Your head swiveled around, taking in the new environment before finally landing on him.

"Izuku?" You asked.

All he could do was stare. You were still in your house clothes and slippers. Hair hung loosely around your head and he could see dark bags under your wide eyes. His escape plan just got upgraded to an emergency.

His face darkened and he turned his deadly glare on Ikari. "She's got nothing to do with this. It's me you're angry with."

Ikari looked over at you curiously. "Oh, but I went through all the trouble of bringing her here and you don't even say hello to your wife?" She headed your way. "It's awfully rude to ignore guests."

The chains dug into his skin as he struggled to free himself, he no longer cared about being discreet. One of the many parts bolted into the walls broke free. The chains themselves only coiled tighter, pressing into his lungs.

"Ikari, stop!"

She made a beeline for you with a smirk that spelled anything but nice. You used the broken down canopy that covered the stairs to pull yourself up and looked around for something to use for defense.

Ikari stopped short and turned to Fake Izuku, who was looking less and less like him by the second. Green hair had grown out to his shoulder and turned a rusty red. His muscular frame shrunk into more feminine shape. His face changed completely. The imposter wasn't a man at all, but it was someone you both recognized. You'd seen her enough on the news, giving the morning traffic reports from her helicopter. The same reporter who had gone missing, along with the helicopter that stole Izuku away.

"You're late Shizue." Ikari looked down at the woman.

Shizue, who was still nursing her frozen leg, looked up. "Well obviously I ran into some complications." She grumbled. "But I got the girl."

"You were supposed to get both." Ikari rubbed her forehead. "It was a simple snatch and run. Please tell me you didn't play actor again."

"What was I supposed to do? There were heroes there. You never said anything about heroes." She complained. "You said it would be easy, just off some officers and we're good to go." She got up and carefully tested her weight on the icicle of a leg. "Besides, it was a golden opportunity to try out my latest one." She held her hand over her leg and the ice shattered.

Ikari closed her eyes and shook her head before she set her focus back on you. "I'm glad you could make it Y/N. It wouldn't be any fun without you."

You glanced back at Izuku and noticed the mask lying on the ground next to him. It was a Kabuki mask. The same Kabuki mask that everyone had been working so hard to find.

"So you're Kabuki." You gripped the metal railing behind you. "Didn't expect you to be a girl."

She chuckled and leaned in close. "What? Ladies can't take initiative too?" Her hand reached for your chin and you pressed against the rail in an effort to avoid her. She snagged your face and forced you to look at her. "Do you know why you're here?"

You glanced at Izuku, who struggled in his binds. "To...kill me." The words were barely audible, but Izuku still seemed to hear.

He stopped struggling for a second to look at you, tears had pooled in his eyes and threatened to spill over. You two locked eyes. He was trying to communicate so many things with one look.

"Now why would I do that? You just got here." She pulled you off the stairs, slung an arm around your shoulders, and marched over to Izuku. "I'm sure you're dying to talk to him though." She laughed at her own joke. You did not.

She stopped a few feet from Izuku, who glared up at her. "She's innocent. Just let her go and I promise I'll stay."

Ikari frowned. "Innocent? What about all the others then? Weren't they innocent too?" She dug her nails into your shoulder. "Because of you, they're dead. Because of you, I couldn't save them. Because of you, I was forced to run while you went on to become the Number One Hero. A bit ironic, isn't it?"

She released you, only to grab your hair and yank you back into her so she could loop an arm around your throat.

"Call me a villain, I don't care anymore." From her sleeve, a thin metal arrow slowly slid out. "Titles won't matter for much longer anyway." She looked at Izuku. "You ruined everything I had achieved in just a few days." The sharp tip of the arrow rested just below your chin and slightly dug in. "What would you do if I ruined yours in just a few seconds?" The sharp tip tore through the skin as she drew a thin line across.

You frantically tried to tear her off with a terrified yelp. She didn't cut in very far, but it still hurt all the same.

Izuku went crazy, he thrashed so hard that three bolts ripped off the wall, giving him more room to move. The chains around him squeezed so hard he lost his breath, but it didn't deter him.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you." Ikari threatened, lifting your head back to expose more of your throat. "Unless you do want me to kill her right here, right now."

"What do you want?" He stilled and gave his best I will destroy you glare.

"Hmm?" She tapped the blade against your throat. "I believe you already know that."

The blade retracted back into her sleeve and she threw you to the ground, by his feet. You scooted away from her, bumping into Izuku behind you. One hand held your neck and the other grabbed hold of his shirt. The small incision wasn't deep or all that concerning, even if it did dribble down in a steady flow. Cuts always bleed worse than they really are, at least that's what you told yourself.

"Are you okay?" You glanced at him.

He blinked. "Me?" He shook his head. "I'm so sorry. I'll get you out of here".

You nodded. If Izuku says he's going to do something, then he finds a way to do it. The problem was that doing just that would be a lot more challenging without his quirk, which was somehow being suppressed at the moment.

"Big words for a man in your position." Ikari pulled out a small pouch from her coat and tossed it between her hands. "But don't worry, I came bearing gifts."

She snapped her fingers and Shizue hobbled over to you and yanked you to your feet. You struggled against her as she dragged you away.

Izuku yelled at her, trying his best to worm himself out of the chains. The problem was that Ikari had full control over metal and any attempt he made at breaking free, she would only restrain him further.

With one of Shizue's legs still damaged, you exploited it and pushed into her as hard as you could. Her arms windmilled before she crashed to the ground. You had no idea what to do. Should you run and get to safety? That's what he would want you to do. Or should you try and free him? There was no way to get past Ikari, break the chains, and escape.

"Go!" He could see your hesitance. "Run!"

A mini tug-of-war battle waged in your mind. You would be no help if you stayed. But if you ran, would she just kill him anyway? It was a choice you didn't really have time to debate. Ikari brought you here for a reason: to hurt Izuku. Running was your best option. If you could just find some heroes to help, then you could help him. You took off.

Shizue clamored to her feet, muttering something about doing all the work and took off after you with a heavy limp. Even though her leg was messed up, she was still pretty fast.

Your first thought was the stairs, but one look at them and you needed to rethink. The entire thing had been sealed off with clumps of random metal all fused together. There was no way you'd be getting out that way.

Shizue grabbed your shoulder and pulled you back. You grabbed hold of the railing to steady yourself, but one of the poles snapped off and you lost your balance. You toppled into her and you both went down. The pole landed next to you, so you grabbed it and scrambled away from her. She grabbed your foot as you stood and you whacked her hand with the pole. She let you go with a scream and clutched her hand.

That was your chance, so you got back to your feet and sprinted down the platform. The station itself wasn't all that big and you found yourself at the end of the platform in no time, with no where else to go. As far as you could tell, the only exit was the blocked off staircase. Across the tracks was another platform with another set of stairs, but if the villains were smart, they would've blocked that too. There was another option, a much more dangerous option. You could always run down the tracks and try to escape through another station, but you'd have to be faster than a train. The horn sounded from the tunnel, yeah, there was no way you'd outrun a train.

The collar of your sweater was yanked back, nearly choking you as she grabbed you from behind. She had a handful of sweater, so you twisted around and ducked out. The fabric ripped and you stumbled back. Damn, that was one of your favorite sweaters too, Inko had gotten it for you a few Christmas's ago.

You didn't realize how close to the edge you were and one foot slipped off. Shizue was actually the one to save you from the fall. She grabbed your collar as you tipped off the edge, but didn't make any effort to pull you back up. Your fingers scrabbled at her jacket in an effort to hang on and your hand smacked the device around her waist.

The ground rumbled as the lights of the train flooded the tunnel. The tracks squealed as the train rushed into the station.

"Shizue." Ikari warned.

Shizue didn't take her eyes off you, a sadistic smile on her face. "Oops." She let go and you fell off the platform, right onto the tracks of the speeding train.

Izuku wrenched out the last of the bolts keeping him locked in place and fell forward, struggling with the coiling chains. He screamed and writhed, making every effort to escape, but without the strength of his quirk, he couldn't break out of Ikari's.

The train didn't even slow down and after a few moments, left the station. Shizue peered over the edge and crossed her arms. All that was left was a slipper.

"Shizue!" Ikari barked. "You idiot! That wasn't the plan!"

Shizue rolled her eyes, still clutching her hand as she made her way back over. "Chill out, geez. She was gonna die anyway."

"You are ruining my plans." She stepped closer to Shizue. "I don't care how important you think you are, if you do that again, I will kill you."

She narrowed her eyes. "Yeah? Well good luck finding someone else to make your supply."

The two women glared at each other before Ikari took a deep breath and turned back to an enraged Izuku. There was a murderous look on his face that even caused her some pause.

She knelt in front of him, dumping some shiny blue powder into her hand. "That's a bit disappointing, but at least I can still test my new blend."

"My new blend." Shizue mumbled behind her.

Izuku managed to get back to his knees, the chains struggling to hold him in. He was silent as he brought his head up, making eye contact with her. The air seemed to take on weight as his eyes bore into hers with such malice.

"Don't give me that look." She said, leaning away from him. "You know this is your fault Deku. Take some responsibility." She blew the powder in his face just as he headbutted her.

The bag flew out of her hand as she fell back, holding her nose. It was too late though, the powder clouded around his head and he gagged on it. He tried to hack it out, but powder clung to him, coating his mouth and throat. He choked and fell onto his stomach, face pressed into the ground.

Ikari stood up, holding her bloody nose. "Let's go."

Shoto gripped the wheel so tight, his knuckles turned white. They'd left the house once the police arrived to take over. Momo sat in the back with Inko, who had retreated back into her silent shock. No one had spoken a word since they left.

Ochaco had been carted away to the hospital. She'd lost a lot of blood and was barely conscious by the time the ambulance arrived. Shoto had managed to get a few key details from her and had sent Bakugo to the hospital to get the rest of the story.

The three of them were headed to the police station. It was clear Inko was also a target, which meant that she needed a safe, well, a more guarded place, until this was all resolved. At the station, she would have eyes on her at all times. Momo volunteered to stay with her until they found both you and Izuku.

Shoto's phone rang and he answered, the light of an oncoming car illuminated his face. "Chief, we're almost there."

"I've got officers waiting outside for you." Tsukauchi said. "Shinso's still here too."

He nodded. "We're ten minutes out."

He hung up and glanced in the rearview mirror. Momo was staring at Inko, who in turn, was staring out the window, gripping her hands tightly on her lap.

Another phone buzzed, on the seat between the two women. That was Ochaco's phone. It was left behind, so Momo had taken it for safe-keeping. A new text had come through. Momo wasn't one to pry, but given the circumstances, she allowed herself to look. It was only three words. She blinked and read them again.

"Shoto." Momo looked up. They made eye contact through the mirror. "I've got something."

Getting pushed in front of a speeding train was not a fun experience. Your back hit the tracks first, narrowly avoiding that third rail full of high voltage electricity. There was no time to think about the pain that sparked up your spine as you put all your muscles to work and rolled off the tracks, losing one of your slippers in the process. The train barreled through as you landed in the gravel, just inches from the tracks.

You laid there for a moment and let your mind catch up to what just happened as you watched the cars bobble through, the wind blasting your hair back. This wasn't the right time to sit and freak out though, they were still on the other side.

The two tracks were separated by a row of support beams and thick cement barricades. You jumped over one of the barricades and crouched as low as you could. It was wide enough to cover you, as long as they didn't come over to investigate. The train left, leaving a hollow emptiness to the station and you put a hand over your mouth to stifle your heavy breaths.

From the platform, you could hear the two villains arguing with each other, the words were too echoed to hear right, but they didn't seem happy with each other. There sounded like a small scuffle and Izuku yelled, the chains jingled. You didn't dare look, for fear they might see you. Right now, you were at an advantage, and you wanted to keep it that way. Just hide and wait for help, except no one knew where you were.

In your pocket was your phone, well your replacement anyway. The last one was still at the bottom of the river. Ochaco had given this one to you for the time being, in case of emergencies. This would definitely qualify as an emergency.

As quietly as you could, you slipped the phone out. This new one was temporary, which meant that none of your old contacts were transferred yet, and you never took the time to memorize anyone's number. Well, aside from Izuku's, but calling him wouldn't really help at the moment.

Calling was also a problem. It would be too risky to answer anyone's questions, they might hear you. So you'd have to settle for texting. You opened up the phone and almost let out an audible sigh of relief. There was one contact saved into the phone. Ochaco. She must have put her number in before giving it to you.

Your trembling fingers quickly typed out a message and sent it. SOS can't talk.

The station had gone eerily silent, aside from the constant hissing and distant sounds of horns. No voices, no chains, nothing.

The phone dinged and you curled around it, praying no one heard that. When no one came charging into view, you looked down at the response.

Tracking phone. Then a second message. Are you safe? - Momo

You blew out a quiet breath and clutched the phone to your chest. Momo had responded. She would know what to do and she would find you. All you had to do was hold out until then. The only thing that bothered you, aside from the obvious, was the silence.

A quick peek around the barrier and you saw the platform was empty, aside from Izuku, who was sprawled out on the ground, free of his chains. The two villains were nowhere to be seen. Had they just left? That didn't make any sense. Why would they leave when they already had the hero at their mercy? Something else had to be at play.

You focused on Izuku. He was lying face down, but you could see the rise and fall of his chest; he was breathing. Actually, he was breathing to much. It almost looked like he was hyperventilating.

On the phone, you typed out another quick text. Hiding. Two villains. Izuku's here.

After a few moments of watching him struggle to breathe, you couldn't stand it. The villains seemed to have left him for some reason and for all you know, he could be bleeding out, left to die. That was something you couldn't idly watch.

The phone buzzed again. Stay put. Let him handle it. We are coming.

How long would that take? Izuku could be dying and since they didn't come after you, there was a fair chance they thought you might already be dead. Maybe that's all they wanted. To kill you in front of him and then leave him to die.

He's hurt. You typed out.

Not even a second passed before she sent a response. Do NOT engage. Stay hidden.

That was easy to say, but what if you stayed put and he ended up bleeding to death, or died some other way? You might not have been a hero, but you were a nurse and you had to deal with the aftermath of battles and everyday accidents. This was what you were good at, and this is what Izuku needed, so you couldn't just stay hidden. But you did as she said, well, for the first two minutes. It was quiet, you were almost positive they had left.

You stood up, keeping low as you looked around. No one popped out so you hopped over the barricade. Your shoe-less foot stepped on something sharp and you hopped back with a quiet gasp. A small shard of glass stuck out on the bottom of your foot and you plucked it out. The ground was littered with dangerous debris, you'd have to be careful.

The missing slipper was still lying on the tracks, but it was shredded beyond use. Something else caught your eye, lying beside it. You limped over for closer examination. It was a small vial filled with dark liquid. It looked just like one of the vials on Shizue's contraption. You picked it up and the liquid sloshed inside. There was a label on the side with a word scribbled out in neat handwriting: Blacklash. That made no sense to you, but you slipped it into your pocket anyway.

The platform itself was about five feet off the ground. It took a few attempts, but you managed to crawl onto it. Another scan of the area and they were still nowhere to be found. If it was a trap of some sort and Izuku was the bait, then who exactly were they trying to catch? It wasn't you, they could easily find and subdue you without the elaborate scheme. It had to be something else. The other heroes maybe?

"Izuku?" You whispered, standing up.

His breath hitched and his back arched. He flattened his palms on the ground and pressed his face into the cement. A coughing fit wracked his body. There didn't seem to be any new injuries on him, well, no obvious ones anyway.

Since you already lost one, you decided to just take the other slipper off. You made your way over to him, one eye on your surroundings.

"Hey, Izuku," you knelt in front of him and placed a hand on his shoulder. "Where did they go? What happened? Are you hurt?"

He refused to move, to look up at you. From his position, you could see the dried blood that coated the top of his head, mangling his hair. He was still injured from the crash and you had no way of knowing what sort of internal injuries he had. One hand clawed at the floor, nails scraped so hard a few of them broke.

"Izuku," you reached for him, but that same hand suddenly lurched out and caught your wrist.

Through his labored breathing, he managed to get a few words out. "Go." He said into the ground. "Get away."

"What?" You stared at his hand, the nails were bloody. "They're gone, we both need to go. Can you stand?"

He lifted his head. Dark spots of blue dust covered his face, mixing with his sweat. He locked eyes with you and you knew something was wrong, like really wrong. His pupils were blown, so much so that you could barely see any green left. His grip on your wrist was tight and it kept getting tighter.

"Ow," you hissed. "Izuku, stop, you're hurting me." You tried to pull away, but he wouldn't let go. You stood up and tried to pry his fingers off, but he was too strong. "Izuku, let go."

He grit his teeth and squeezed his eyes shut, pressing his forehead back into the floor. "G...go." He said that, yet he squeezed so hard, you felt your bones grind.

On the ground next to him was a small pouch, blue dust spilled out of the top. Those blue spots on his face looked exactly like Kirishima's after he'd been dosed with Kabuki's drug. You knew firsthand how volatile he'd gotten. If Izuku had been dosed with the same thing, then it didn't look good for either of you.

You gasped and fell back to your knees as your bone popped. If he squeezed much harder, your wrist would snap.

"Stop," you clawed at his hand. "Stop!"

He didn't even seem to hear you. His entire body trembled as he slowly pushed himself up; one hand still trying to dig into the ground while the other had an iron clamp on you. His matted hair fell into his face as he looked at you. The expression that crossed his face was something you'd never thought you'd see on him, much less directed at you: pure malice.

He twisted your wrist, drawing you closer and you yelped. Your panicked mind did the only thing it could think of. You slapped him across the face.

He momentarily loosened his grip enough for you to pull away. You fell backward and scurried out of his reach.

He blinked, staring at the ground, hand still raised, clutching nothing but air. It was like his brain was trying to calculate what just happened, and you weren't too keen on sticking around for him to figure it out.

As slow as you dared, you got to your feet, and took quiet steps back. You didn't want anything to set him off, and he was definitely way too unstable to talk with that drug coursing through him. You had to keep reminding yourself that the heroes were on their way.

Izuku let out a shaky groan and grabbed fistfuls of hair, leaning forward. It looked as though he was trying to fight against it, but drugs weren't something easily conquered. You would know, you'd seen enough overdoses come through your E.R. This was still a relatively unknown drug, that as far as you knew, caused extreme aggression.

The problem was that there was nowhere to escape too and very few hiding places. All the exits were sealed and most things had long been looted, leaving very little to work with. A deep horn blared from far off in the left tunnel; another train was coming.

The sound seemed to stir him. Green sparks jumped off his skin. His quirk was back, which was not good news for you. You needed a plan, and fast. Izuku lurched forward, his hands slapping the ground, cracks spiderwebbed out from underneath him. Then he looked up at you, eyes almost entirely black. He looked so un-Izuku-like that you could hardly believe that it was him.

A chill ran down your spine and only one thought came to mind: run.

Behind you, Izuku got to his feet and stumbled for balance. He looked almost drunk. No, that wasn't quite right either. You'd seen him drunk before, he would get all red-faced and giggly, not scary and demonic. This was a side to him you'd never seen before, and it scared you to your core. Even if he was weakened, he was still an incredibly formidable foe, one you'd never thought you'd have to face, yet here you were, running from your demon possessed husband, you know, like any normal couple.

Your phone! You dug it out of your pocket and called Momo. She picked up immediately.

"Y/N. Thank god." She sighed. "Are you okay? What's happening?"

A horn blared from far off down the tunnel as you sprinted to the end of the platform and glanced back at Izuku, who wobbled in place. "No, no. I'm with Izuku, but it's that drug, the same as Kirishima." Faded lights filled the tunnel. "That's why they left! I think, I think he's gonna..." You trailed off, grabbing your hair.

"I've got your location." She sounded so calm, controlled. "I've sent the heroes, they'll be there. Stay calm. Can you find a place to hide?"

"You're not coming?" A new spike of fear pierced your heart.

She was silent for a moment. "I can't. It's too far away, but I promise, help is coming."

"Too far?" You glanced down the tunnel, the floor rumbled as the train approached. "Where am I?"

She seemed hesitant to answer. "New York City."

"America?" You hissed. "How the hell-"

"A teleportation quirk, most likely." She said. "Just stay on the line, they shouldn't be too far off. Just a little longer."

A quick peek back at Izuku had your heart nearly leap into your throat. His eyes were locked onto you, face contorted into a menacing sneer, and lightning flickered off his skin.

"I don't think I have a little longer." You whispered.

He crouched and launched himself at you. For as clumsy as he looked, he was still extremely fast. You only had seconds to jump to the side or be smashed into the wall. Unfortunately, there was no more platform to jump on, which meant you hurled yourself over the edge, right onto the tracks. Something sharp stabbed your thigh and you cried out.

The train entered the station and you scrambled off the tracks, breathing heavy as it raced between the two of you, providing some temporary cover. You needed to move, to hide. Whatever had stabbed your thigh had left a sizable gash, but at least you could still walk on it, so that's what you did.

The only place left to really hide was back behind the barriers. You dove behind them again, hoping to god that his senses had also been dulled. He was the greatest hero in Japan and that title came with some serious battle skills, one's you certainly didn't have.

The train left and you covered your mouth to quiet your breathing. You had a death grip on the phone, but talking now would only reveal your location. Instead, you held it up to your ear, an almost inaudible whine escaped your throat.

Izuku grunted as he pulled himself from the dent in the wall, tile shattering as it fell out. You didn't dare look, but you could hear him shuffling around as the train disappeared down the tunnel.

"Momo." You couldn't help the pathetic mewl that puttered out. This was an entirely new experience. You'd always had that reassurance that if anything ever went wrong, Izuku would always be there to back you up. This time though, they'd turned this into some sort of twisted reversal. That single punch was meant to kill. If he got to you again...

"Hang on, hang on!" She'd lost that calm façade. "I'll-I'll figure this out, I promise!"

The crunch of gravel caught your attention and you pressed your back into the barricade. By the sound of it, he'd jumped off the platform, headed in your direction. A shadow loomed over you and you curled up against the barrier, praying to whatever deity that was listening, that he wouldn't find you.

A few tense moments passed before the shadow disappeared. Not a second later, the entire barricade was ripped from the ground and you fell back with a startled scream. Standing over you was a green-haired beast.

...

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catxsnow · 3 years

Text

AFTER HOURS chapter eight

Summary: Enemies to the public, friends to their close ones, friends with benefits between them. Rival companies and an attraction that can’t be ignored.

Tim Drake x reader

Warnings: swearing, mature content, smut, 18+ only, mention death of parents, car crash mentions.

A/N: a little earlier than my usual posting time but I didn’t get the chance to post last night so!

Word count: 3.5k

"What?"

Fuck.

Fuck, she hadn't meant to say that out loud. (Y/N) didn't know what came over her to blurt the words out. Hell, she didn't even know if she meant them. It was only two weeks ago that she realized that maybe there was more to their relationship than fucking. Then again, her feelings were probably there for a long time and she just couldn't accept them.

It was easier to push people away than it was to be hurt by them. Pushing Tim away was so easy for so long. It was easy to say that any feeling she had for him was simply just lust. They're long chats were always supposed to be 'just business' but the more she thought make, the more she realized they weren't.

They were about family, hardships, dreams, aspirations. Their chats were filled with so much knowledge of one another that she forgot that everything she knew about him wasn't just common to everyone. Tim opened up to her more than he did to anyone else - including Bruce, or Kon, or even Steph.

"Fuck," She muttered. (Y/N) pulled herself off of Tim, ignoring the sticky layer that covered them both from just having sex. She pulled a shirt of hers over her head and aimlessly searched the floor for some pants. Tim was still in shock by what she had just said to him. She loved him?

The same kind of love that he had in his heart every time he thought of her? The same love that kept him up at night wondering, hoping, that one day it would be reciprocated?

He finally snapped out of his daze and stopped her frantic movements. Tim gripped her biceps, forcing her to look at him. Her eyes were glossy as she tried to hold herself together from this utterly embarrassing moment. How could she say something like that too him at a time like this?

Tim's jaw was tight as he thought. She couldn't guess what was going on inside that head of his. Judging her. Trying to figure out a way to let her down easy. Ways to escape and never see her again. Maybe he was wondering how she was stupid enough to fall in love with her fuck buddy.

Fear of losing him - not the same kind of fear that she felt only an hour ago. This loss would hurt far worse. Knowing that he was within arms reach and never being able to grasp him again. Fuck, that hurt more than any other loss she could bare with him.

She was shocked when he harshly crashed his lips against hers. He was so rushed that their teeth and noses clanked together - something that never happened with them. They were always so perfectly in sync, knowing the movement of the other person before they even did it.

Tim pulled away as she never reciprocated the kiss. Truth was, she was far too surprised to even move. She expected harsh words and abandonment. Even after all his promises, she still found it hard to believe that he would keep them true. Not because she didn't trust him, but because she knew herself, and that people tended not to stick around.

He slid his hands up her arms until they cupped the base of her neck, thumbs against her jawline. For the second time that day, he wiped the tears that spilled down her cheeks. While before she was scared that he had left her, now she was petrified he would leave her for good.

"I love you, (Y/N) (L/N)," Tim confessed. His voice was barely above a whisper but it was clear as ever. Her bottom lip trembled at the sudden change of emotions whirling. She went from frightened to complete adoration. Tim loved her. She felt her heart swell with every feeling she had been bottling up.

She broke out into the biggest, happiest smile he had ever seen her give. Tim Drake wasn't the man that she thought she needed in her life, but he was the one that she was sure as hell lucky enough to have. He built her up without giving her false hope and was there for her when she couldn't achieve something herself.

Tim tilted her chin up. He brushed his lips against hers, testing to see if this was what she truly wanted. This wasn't a game or a joke, this was his heart on the line. As much as he trusted her, the sinking feeling of weariness and doubt always struck in the back of his mind. He couldn't get his heartbroken again, not by her.

She found herself reaching towards him as he pulled back. She didn't crave his lips, she need them. His kiss was soft at first, until the intensity of all their feelings finally exploded. She held onto him like he was the only thing keeping her from collapsing in the whirlwind they were caught in.

"I love you, Tim," She never wanted this kiss to end. Being in his arms, filled with the love she never thought she'd feel again, it was life changing. Tim pulled her back again, unable to stop. His need for her kiss was greater than anything, more powerful than the sun. He needed her like he needed air.

"Why now?" Tim blurted out. After all these years, why was now the time that she finally admitted that she had feelings for him? What had caused this shift? (Y/N) sighed as Tim dropped his arms. She ran a hand down her face and sat on the edge of her bed. Tim grabbed his pants from the floor and tossed over hers before joining.

"A month ago you told me that we've been doing this for years and that ruining it by letting emotions take place was unacceptable," Tim thought back to that night. She was so head strung about not attending his gala. "What could have possible changed over a single month?"

"Everything," she looked over at him. Truth was, she couldn't pin point the exact moment of change. She didn't know when she truly cared for him as more than a companion - but she knew when she realized it. The day of that stupid gala. The stupid gala that led to their picture being everywhere and hearing him say that she was nothing in his life.

Feeling that hurt made her realize how important he was to her.

"You're the only person that's always been here for me, Tim," she played with her fingers, trying to calm her nerves. It didn't work. "My parents, my company struggles, self-doubt. Every time I'm on the verge of giving up, it's you that's there to help me back up. You've supported me for so long and... and I was never able to give that to you.

"I'm sorry, for being so cut off for so long. I'm sorry that for the entire time that I've known you that I've been so held back by fear that I wasn't able to realize what you mean to me. You deserve better, you deserve the world. Everything changed when I saw the way you lit up because I went to your gala after four years. I didn't realize how much it meant to you.

"I'm sorry that-"

"Stop," Tim cut her off. He grabbed her hand to stop her from fidgeting. "Stop apologizing. I know why you were the way you were, and I'm not upset at it. I understand the struggle of not being taken seriously and I don't want you feeling guilty over something like this. I had my part to play as well - I could have told you long ago how I felt and I never had the guts to."

"How long?" she asked, suddenly curious. She might not have been able to remember the time she looked as him as more a fuck buddy - but he might have. Maybe his answer would have sparked her own memory.

"Two years ago," he chuckled to himself. His cheeks were tinted pink with embarrassment at just how long he had been keeping this to himself. "The night that you told me your favourite memory with your parents. Seeing your face light up with pure happiness and the way you spoke of them so highly. It reminded me of my own parents - and how much they would have liked you."

"We ordered Chinese food and stayed up till four in the morning talking about how easy life was when we were kids," she remembered that night. Tim nodded - it was the first time that she had stayed for hours. "I got scared by a bird hitting the window and dropped my entire plate of noodles on myself. You laughed so hard that you started snorting."

"It was the first time I got to see you wear my clothes," Tim smiled. He didn't realize how hot she could wear one of his shirts and a rolled up pair of basketball shorts. "After you left I couldn't sleep. I couldn't stop seeing your smile or hearing your laugh. I realized in those endless hours of staring at my ceiling that I wanted to spend my life with you."

"Why didn't you say anything?" She asked.

"You never wanted anyone to know what we did - much less if there was anything more between us," Tim shrugged. To be honest, he still didn't. "I didn't want you to feel pressured and I certainly didn't want to risk losing you. The wait was worth it."

She smiled at how lucky she was to have Tim. He was so patient with her that she felt like she didn't deserve someone as good-hearted as him. Tim kissed the back of her hand, followed by her forehead, and lastly, her lips. The wait was well worth it. He'd wait a thousand lifetimes for her.

"What now?" He asked. What was going to happen between the both of them? A hidden relationship? A risk that Gotham would spread hate because the CEO's of rival companies loved each other? Things were complicated in their lives, and he wasn't sure what she was willing to put on the line.

"Now... Now I stop living my life in fear."

"We don't have to do this."

(Y/N) paced back and forth trying to calm her nerves. Tim sat on the edge of his bed watching her movements. She was nervous, but that was to be given. After years of working hard to make sure that she was going to be taken seriously, she was just going to tear it all down. Today was going to be the make or break of Gotham's faith in her.

It was a simple plan. Go to a coffee shop together, let the paparazzi's take their pictures, see what the media was going to say. It was the best way to dip their toes in the water to see what the people of Gotham would think of their 'new relationship'. There had already been speculations since the gala - this would just confirm some of them.

She was scared. Horrified. Not because the people would react badly, but if they reacted well to the news. For over four years she felt as if she needed to cut herself off from anything personal - these were the best years of her life and she had put all of her energy into her company because she felt like it was needed.

What if it wasn't? What if she had wasted all these years for some bullshit stigma the city made her believe? She didn't know if she could live with that guilt. Her parents wanted her to experience her best life, she would have let them down if she had deprived herself of love for years.

"Yes we do," She stopped her pacing to look at him. The cuts and bruises on his face had finally healed over, but the ones lacing his body still held him back. Tim still refused to tell her what really happened. "I've been lying to myself for too long about these feelings, I can't lie to the public anymore too."

Tim patted the spot beside him. She reluctantly sat, though her leg wouldn't stop bouncing. He grabbed her hand and brought it up to his lips before setting them back down on his lap. (Y/N) had every right to be nervous. This wasn't just her own life on the line, it was her company's - and his.

Just as she was worried for her own company, Tim was nervous for his. Bruce entrusted him to keep it going, and he couldn't let him down. They needed that money to fund their activities, they needed Wayne Enterprise to keep at it's highest potential.

"Whatever happens, we're in this together, okay?" Tim assured her. "I'm not going to leave you. I promised you that already and I'm sticking with it. Vicki Vale can say all she wants, she doesn't know the truth unless we want her to know the truth. We've got a plan, right? Start off easy and go from there."

"You're right," she nodded. They were in control of this situation, no one else. With Tim by her side, she could accomplish anything. When she was with him, she always felt in control of her life. He had a way of making her feel confident in herself without even realizing it. "We can do this."

She looked over at him, the nervous smile still on her face. It melted away with his kiss. His kiss that always made everything better, that always felt so right. Being with him, actually being with him, she felt as if she was on the clouds. These past few days had felt so surreal that she couldn't tell when she was dreaming and when she was awake.

Nights together, mornings in each others arms. Cooking meals with each other and being able to relax at the end of a long day with shows that neither of them knew they both liked. Mundane tasks that made her feel like a normal adult, not one with the weight of a billion dollar company on her shoulders.

It was a life she didn't know she needed until getting a taste of it.

Tim Drake was her life, for a long time, she just didn't know it at the time. He was the one that was there for her no matter what. She just hoped that when the time came, she could be there for him as well. Tim was a strong man, he didn't emotional easily and she feared that when he did, it would be when he was truly broken.

"Everyone's staring."

"Let them."

To no surprise, as soon as one person saw them together, everyone crowded around. Whispers from tables beside them. Camera flashes from inside and outside the coffee shop. Stares and not so secret glances. People were shocked to see them together - and everyone knew damn well who they were.

From the moment he opened the door for her until now, they had all eyes glued to them. She felt the pressure to act like the people always wanted to see her as - prim, proper, and professional. It was Tim that kept assuring her to act like herself, to show the real her for once.

The barista wasn't sure what she was more shocked by - Tim buying himself and (Y/N) coffee or the one-hundred dollar tip he left. Either way, she served them with a smile on her face and a whisper of 'I knew it'. She didn't sound judgmental - she sounded supportive.

More people accumulated but no one dared to interrupt.

Tim reached across the table to grab her hand. He could feel the tapping of her foot and the nervous shake that she had. This was the most horrifying thing she had done in her life and it should have felt so easy. She was spending time with the one she loved, and it was still petrifying.

"Hey," Tim called. "We're in this together. No one else here matters. Whatever comes next, we're going to get through. I promise." She nodded her head at his words. He was right. There was no need to worry when she had him by her side. Her parents would be proud of her no matter what and she was still making Gotham a better place.

He suddenly drew a small heart into the back of her hand, silently telling her that he loved her. She smiled at the action.

The same barista from before came back with a hot pot of coffee in her hands. "Refill?" They both nodded at the same time. She poured them each another full mug, but hesitated before leaving. Tim looked at her expectantly, waiting for her to spill what she had to say. "I know this isn't my place - like at all - but, I always thought you guys would be good for each other."

Tim looked between both the women. "Thank you," he smiled. The barista matched it and headed back towards the counter she was stationed at. "See, there's nothing to be worried about." Tim squeezed her hand while sipping his coffee with the others. He shot her a wink over the lip of his mug.

There was that stupid flutter that filled her chest again. The one that only happened when she was with him and the one that she brushed off for years thinking that it was nothing but lust. God she felt so stupid for pushing him away for as long as she did.

Tim always filled her heart with emotions. Fear, anger, lust, love. It was always easy to clump it all into one emotion that she knew how to control. She knew that sex with him always seemed to fix her problems when in reality, it was just making everything worse.

Her heart dropped at the sight of an unwanted, familiar face.

"You spoke too soon," she muttered, watching as the person she dreaded most walked up to them. Vicki Vale had a snide smile on her face and a notepad in her hand. There was no hesitation in her eyes as she approached them, fully ready to impose on their date and turn it into an interview.

"Mr. Wayne," Vicki looked over to Tim, not even meeting (Y/N)'s eye. He slowly retracted his hand from hers - hoping that it wouldn't upset her. The movement went unnoticed by Vicki. "A pleasure as, always. I was hoping to ask you a few questions."

"Actually-"

"Actually, Ms. Vale," (Y/N) cut Tim off. Her voice instantly went from nervous to assertive. She sat up straight and narrowed her eyes as Vicki looked over to her. Tim bit into his bottom lip to stop the smile from spreading on his face for what was about to happen next. This was the moment that she dreaded most and she was taking it so well.

"Tim and I are in the midst of a date," she emphasized using his first thing - something that she had never done in the media before. It was always Mr. Drake - or Mr. Wayne. "If you have any questions about either of our companies, feel free to stop by during business hours."

"Personal questions.... actually," Vicki pursed her lips. Her hand was on her hip. If looks could kill, she'd be dead ten times over already. "And I was asking Mr. Wayne."

"That's a shame, Ms. Vale," Tim coughed, catching her attention. "You could have gotten the story of the year if you hadn't been so rude to my lovely date." He stood up suddenly, ushering her to do so as well. They walked past Vicki, her eyes latched onto them and their joined hands. "Have a nice day."

It was the fakest smile that she had ever seen him make. The two left the coffee shop without another word, waving to the barista as they passed. She held his hand with a death grip, worried that they might have been too rash against Vicki - she had lots of influence over the city, enough to make her worried.

"Holy shit, Tim," she breathed out as soon as she got a breath of fresh air. Her heart was racing from the confrontation. The strictness in Tim’s tone and the way that his hands bundled into fists from how rude Vicki Vale was being. "That was so hot."

"Glad you think so," Tim hid his grin. Her grip loosened as she became more relaxed. The distinct sound of camera's shuttering behind them could still be heard, but that was to no surprise. "What do you say, should we give them a real show?" He raised an eyebrow, referring to the paparazzi's behind them.

"Why not?" Tim stopped her, cupping her cheek with one hand and getting his hand firm against her waist. His lips were hesitant against her for the first time since they had met. He didn't want to give the cameras too much, but if they wanted to prove a point - that was the best way how. "I love you," her voice was so quiet he barely heard.

"I love you."

Taglist: @unknowntoanyone @willieoo @kindashittywriter @subtleappreciation @yandereforyou @pricetagofficial @because-icanhide @magicisabluewish @hyp-oh-critical @littleredwing89 @boy-georgina @sparkleofpizza @craptainlou @timtimmersdrake @hauntingsonofrobin @anothertimdrakestan @idkmanicantenglish @vvipgot7be @psych0crybaby @theconfusedpansexualbitch @spiitfiires @calcatss

#tim drake #tim drake imagine #tim drake one shot #tim drake smut #tim drake x fem!reader #ceo!tim drake #CEO TIM #red robin #red robin imagine #red robin x reader #dc imagine #dc #batfam #batfam imagine #after hours

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akakumoeteru · 7 months

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Happy 2nd (donghua) wedding anniversary!

#魔道祖師 #忘羨 #mdzs #wangxian #my art #my art 2023 #fandom holidays #忘羨大婚 #happy wx wedding day #drawn for the first anniversary of their red wedding in donghua s3 #this is just a brush test because i didn't have time for anything more complicated but #it was fun

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liquor-and-intellect · 4 years

Text

Clouded- Part 5

In which Jules might or might not have feelings for her best friend, Harry, who is getting engaged to another girl and everything just becomes… more complicated.

friends to lovers to enemies to lovers- it’s complicated

previous parts

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, HARRY EDWARD STYLES. SRRY FOR THE CONCERT CANCELLATION! Hope this maybe brightens someone’s day.

PART FIVE

After getting Harry's text, I ran to my mirror and pushed a brush through my hair. Why did I suddenly care what I looked like in front of him?

Disgusted with myself, I walked out of the bathroom, rolling my eyes at how fucking dumb I was acting.

After the other night at the club, my mind has been racing. I haven't been able to focus on my homework, or even the long lectures in class. Every time I remotely closed my eyes, I thought of Harry.

We ended things on such good terms the other night and I felt it was a sign—it was sign that things could actually work. I could actually push aside the idea that he would be mad at me about the pregnancy and we could be a family. An actual family.

The guilt that I let him kiss me when I haven't told him about the baby was still there in the back of my mind… And I tried unsuccessfully to suppress it.

Fifteen minutes after his urgent text, there was a short knock on the door before. It happened too quickly for me to process because then Harry Styles was standing in my living room—wide-eyed and captivating, making me dizzy with his presence.

He let out a breathless laugh, as if he had been running. “You should keep that locked, Jules,” he said, his eyes trailing up my body and his voice like a silky nightgown clinging to my body.

I fought the urge to run to him and kiss him again.

“I knew someone was itching to come and see me, so I left it open,” I told him, watching the beautiful twinkle in his green eyes.

He let out a breath, closing the door behind him slowly before turning around to face me. “I need to tell you something,” he began, his eccentric booth clicking as he approached me.

I swallowed the lump in my throat. “Me too.” I had to tell him now. Now before I lost my nerve.

He nodded. “Me first,” he breathed, a smile forming on his lips.

I shook my head, holding my hands up to stop him. I couldn't lose my courage. “No, really. I need to tell you first,” I said urgently, I pleaded with my eyes hoping he would see how desperate I was to get this out.

Harry's smile grew bigger. “I just need to get this out, Jules. Listen,” he said, grabbing my face in his hands. Fuck, was a I sucker for his touch. “I trust you with my life-”

“Harry, please listen to me.”

“No. I need you to listen to me, love” he groaned. “I know you trust me too. I also know that we don't keep secrets from one another. So, I have to tell you this.”

“Harry-” I said more firmly.

Then, his phone ringing loud and obnoxious, halting our back and forth conversation.

He sighed, removing his hands from my now cold cheeks to pull his phone from his trousers’ pocket.

“I need to take this— it's management,” he said looking up to me like I would be angry for some reason. I needed a minute to breath any way.

I nodded, releasing a long breath and riding out the word, “okay” on my exhale.

He walked toward my bedroom. “I'll be right back. Then we will resume this conversation, little lady!” He kept his eyes on me, a light air to his gaze and a chuckle on his lips before he disappeared into my room, causing me to slump against the wall in exhaustion.

Harry's P.O.V

I sat in Julia's bathroom, listening to a producer give instructions for the next recording session and how I would need to a few creative ideas ready for next Friday. My leg was bouncing at the knee as I extended it from the edge of the bathtub. There was so much I needed to say to Jules right now that I couldn't waste my time listening to work problems. We had already wasted so much.

When he finally hung up, I put my phone away, taking a quick look in the mirror. There was a slight throb in my temple from lack of sleep from the night before accompanied by a new dark circle tucked in the crevices below my eyes. I hadn't eaten anything this morning either on my rush to leave my flat and I felt a headache arising. I wouldn't let anything ruin this day, though.

I opened up a cabinet glancing around to see if Jules had any aspirin. I found her toothbrush in the top one, so I moved to a bottom drawer. Looking down to see her hairbrush, I pushed it away to close it when something caught my eye.

A pregnancy test.

I could hear my blood pumping through my ears, when I reached down and picked it up. My eyes focused on the two positive lines.

“What the fuck,” I mumbled, shoving her hair bands around when two more white sticks came into my view. Shakily, my hands clasped around them and I felt my mind go blank at the repeating positive lines… mocking me.

Jules didn't—so these had to be... Those tests had to be hers and I was... There was no way though, we told each other everything. We promised to be truthful from now on. She wouldn't keep a secret like this from me.

Would she?

I felt my blood pulsing in my wrists as my hand clenched tightly around the plastic. She lied to me. She fucking lied to my face.

I swallowed a lump in my throat and walked out of the bathroom, my breathing irregular and harsh, catching itself on each intake on the lump arising in my throat.

…

Harry had been gone for at least fifteen minutes and the suspense was killing me.

As much as I had to tell him a part of me wanted to know what he was going to say before I blew it all. I just wanted to hear the words he was yearning to get out of him, maybe I wasn't alone in this. Maybe we were both drowning in the same ocean and maybe we could both go under together.

I knew once I told him though, that he wouldn't tell me. He would most likely cave in on himself for a couple of days, he would need time. Jeff had warned me about that, he told me I needed to be strong for him. Now, standing in my living room, hands wringing themselves nervously, I was as strong as I would ever be.

My head snapped up when I heard boots in the hall and I focused on a familiar silhouette underneath the doorway.

I don't give it a second of hesitation. “I really need to speak first-” I start but am cut off.

“Don't,” he spits, his eyes razors cutting through me and his voice just as sharp. “Don't you dare tell me one more fucking bullshit lie or I swear-” he laughs humorlessly “- I'm done. I will walk out of here and never have to see you again.”

My eyes widen and my heart skipping beats like pebbles. It wasn't pleasant either, painful and sharp and I was afraid that I would have a stroke right here in the middle of this. “Harry-” I don't know what I would have said, but it didn't matter.

“What is this?” he screams, his voice cracking like broken windows as he throws an object in the air and a thud sounding in front of me.

It was in slow motion that I looked down and saw the pearly pregnancy test at my feet.

No, no, no. This was all wrong. He wasn't supposed to find out like this.

“Harry, you don't understand,” I begged, urging him to hear the truth in my voice.

He shakes his head back and forth furiously. “No, you don't get to say that me.” A shaky hand raised to point at my trembling figure and I noticed in his tight grip are my other pregnancy tests. “Are you pregnant?” he asked, his voice catching on the word like it would destroy everything. And in that moment—I swear—it did.

I closed my eyes, taking a deep breath. This had to be a nightmare. “Yes, but listen-”

“It's not mine,” he cut me off. “you were sleeping with Elaine's cousin, weren't you? There's no way that's my kid, there's no way.”

“Sleeping with Elaine's cousin?” I repeated. “what kind of person do you think I am?”

He threw his hands up in the air, the other tests raining down on us like a twisted type of storm. “Apparently I don't know what kind of person you are at all! You lied to me!”

That hurt, but I tried to shove it aside. I needed him to see, to understand that he was looking at this the wrong way. “I was trying to find the right time to tell you! If you haven't noticed you've been busy planning a wedding— what was I supposed to do?”

“What were you supposed-” he raked his hands through his hair, looking desperately around the room. I've never seen him this livid. “You think- this isn't my child... There's no way.”

I scoffed, my anger flaring that he would suggest anything other. “Well no one else was shoving me up against walls in the past month!” I spit.

“Shut up!” he screamed, his hand flying to my lamp by the couch. A crash sounded as it hit the floor, the pieces busting into something so unrecognizable it could never be repaired. That lamp would never be the way it once was before it was swiped from its comfortable spot.

I flinched.

“Do you think I feel good about cheating on my fiancé'?” he asked.

I kept my eyes on the busted lamp, my mouth opening before I could stop it. “You had to have felt good about something because you kept coming back,” I muttered, the words sour as they spilled out and I immediately wanted to choke them back, press rewind and chose a different path that didn’t have us here.

Harry laughed, the sound echoing off these fragile walls. “I really don't know you anymore, Julia,” he spit.

I looked back up at him, because using my birthname against me hurt more than I anticipated. “You know me better than anyone else and you know that.”

He shook his head. “No, you just want to believe that.”

I raked my hands through my hair, pulling at my scalp in frustration. “I was going to tell you today, I swear.”

He snorted. “Yeah, I bet you were. I bet that was your plan this entire time.” His voice lifted a couple more notches. “I bet you wanted to knock yourself up so I couldn't go anywhere and I would have to ruin my relationship with Elaine.” I stopped breathing. “I'm not sticking around for whatever you have planned next,” he said venomously and pushed passed me to the door.

“Don't you dare walk out like this!” I screamed at him, in more desperation for him to hear me out than in actual anger. I wasn't so much as mad right now but hurt at how he could say these things to me. How did we get ourselves here?

“What do you want me to do?” He turned around on his heel to sharpen his hardened eyes on me. “You want me to play along with your game of house? You want me to drop everything for you and this baby all because you said please?” His voice that I loved so much, the one that ran silk up my spine now wrapped around my throat and threatened to choke me.

“I never said that, I just want you to hear me out,” I groaned.

His jaw twitched and I swore in that moment he hated me. He hated the sight of me and my voice and that single thought made me want to crawl under my bed and never come out again. “You had your chance to talk,” he snapped. “Apparently you're to coward to do that. Even if I ever would have dropped everything for you Julia, you just made sure that I never will want to do that again.”

“Stop!” I yelled at him. “Do you fucking hear yourself? This isn't you, Harry. You're just mad right now. Please, can we talk about this like adults?” Even if it was true, by the look on his face I knew I shouldn't have said it.

The veins in his neck strained like taut cords and his face twisted into something unrecognizable. “You don't get to do that,” he growled. “You don't get to act like you know me.”

I swallowed the lump in my throat.

His heavy breathing was the only sound filling the room, his eyes cutting through me like lasers.

“What am I supposed to do?” I cried finally. I was at a loss for any kind of ammunition I might have had. “This is your child as well as mine,” I said, exhausted. “What am I supposed to do?”

His eyes shifted a bit, I would almost say that they softened for a split second before changing back to the cold green that I was so unaccustomed to. “I don't know,” he said, looking away from me and his voice taking on a deadly calm. “Frankly, I don't care either.” He reached down to grab his jacket by the door. “I just hope you don't expect a wedding invitation in the mail,” he mumbled.

“Harry,” I gasped as if he had physically held fire to my skin and singed my flesh.

Harry turned, as if he was about to walk out the door, his head glancing back at me. “You know,” he said. “I didn't believe you when you said we were robbers… back at the club.”

I was silent.

“You were right, though.” His voice was hoarse. “You just took everything.” He slammed the door behind him before I could process what he just said.

The wind was knocked out of me. My lungs were collapsing and failing as my only way of breath pulled further and further from me.

I wanted to run after him, my brain was yelling at my limbs to get their shit together and move but they were frozen from lack of oxygen moving throughout my body. They were becoming more and more numb before I realized that I wasn't standing anymore, but rather falling and spiraling down into some where unknown.

The floor was hard as I landed on it, my ears buzzing erratically. A flash of red caught my attention as I glanced down and realized that my hand had fallen on a piece of a broken lamp. I couldn't feel the pain, I could just see it seeping from my core and I could only imagine how it must have felt. Because—right now—I was numb.

I was trembling, lying in a pile of broken glass. My vision failing as I recognized the symptoms of a panic attack. I crawled on the floor towards my purse where I kept the bottle of benzodiazepines, my hands throwing everything out and across the floor before clutching onto the bottle like an actual lifeline.

I couldn't get it open.

I pulled and twisted but my hands were too weak, they wouldn't properly grasp the edges the way they were meant too.

I screamed in frustration. All I needed was the pill, the pill that walked straight out of my life and out the door. He left me—he just left.

The bottle popped open and my hands shakily poured the bottle into my hand, all of them falling from my grasp onto wood. As I bent over on my knees in the glass, I was aware of the tears falling down my face to mix with my life on the floor.

Finally clutching one pill I pushed it past my lips and waited for the calming aid to kick in.

…

Harry's P.O.V

“You said what to her?” Jeff screamed, his eyes livid and his jaw tight. He stood defensively with his fists clenched.

“She lied to me!” I roared back, offended by his accusations. “She fucking lied to me, Jeff!”

Jeff took a deep breath, running his hands through his hair. “Harry, that doesn't excuse the fact that you basically called her worthless. Do you not fucking care for her that much?”

I scoffed. “Of course, I care for her,” I spat. I cared so much that it fucking tightened my chest.

He crossed his arms. “Then why did you say those things? Just to make her feel like nothing?”

I rolled my eyes. I don't know why I said those things. She made me so unbelievably mad that I had no control over the words pouring from my hurt.

After I had stormed out and drove around London for two hours, I found myself on Jeff's doorstep with red rimmed eyes and a pulsing headache. He knew. I don't know how. But he had nodded and opened the door wider for me to walk in with a simple, “did she tell you?”

I had collapsed on his couch, my head in my hands and told him the blur that was my memory of that morning. Every single knife I threw at her and the screaming at the top of my lungs that I had given. I was the lowest of the low when it came to my fight with Julia. No woman ever deserves to hear that… My mum would be ashamed.

“I don't know why I said that. It was like everything I had wanted to say came out wrong, I couldn't be reasonable,” I muttered, taking a seat in his chair in defeat.

He sighed. “It's your child, you know that, right?”

I swallowed a lump in my throat, looking at my feet. “Deep down I do,” I mumbled. “I just didn't want to believe it.”

He nodded. “She told me, you know?”

I looked up to him, seeing the way his eyes softened at the mention of her and the way he immediately defended her in our fight. While I was wondering around being a coward, I'm glad someone was there to push her through it— Jeff out of all people. Although, I couldn't mask the ounce of jealousy of Julia telling him her secrets like she used to tell me.

“I figured... But how- I mean when did you two get so close?”

He wrinkled his forehead in thought. “It was more of a coincident that we would run into each other than anything. She was mad about you one night and I stopped her from drinking like I used too- you know, out of pain.” He bit his lip. “Then she got sick, apparently some pregnant women just have these episodes where they throw up randomly, so I offered to take her home. Then when she was crying at the engagement party-”

“She was crying?” I asked my voice hoarse and my mouth frowning as I searched my memory of any indication of her tears that night. As usual, I had been too far up my own ass to notice.

He nodded. “Yeah, after her speech. I followed her when she rushed off and she was so stressed because you had been rude to her. I also think because guilt was eating her alive from seeing you with Elaine.” He leaned back into the couch, his eyes distant at the memory. “I had a pregnancy scare once when I was in college, so the signs were similar. She was sick and you guys had slept together a couple weeks before. So, I straight up asked Julia if she was pregnant and she just—you know, started sobbing. She hadn't told anyone at that point so it helped to get it out.”

“I'm such a fucking dick,” I grumbled, burying my face in my hands. “I wasn't there when she needed me the most.”

Jeff shook his head. “No. That wasn't when she needed you the most.”

I looked up at him.

“She needs you the most right now. She's carrying your baby, Harry. She needs you to help her through this, she can't do it alone and you know that.”

“What am I supposed to do, though?” I groaned. “How am I supposed to tell management and protect Julia from all the hate that everyone will send her? The fans love Elaine and they won't handle another woman carrying my child.” My child. The words sounded strange in my mouth.

Jeff shrugged. “Well… I’m kind of like management. I think we can work something out, H.”

There were a couple beats of silence.

“What are you going to do with Elaine?” he asked.

I fell back limp against the chair, sliding down so my legs were stretched in front of me. “I don't know, I don't really want to think about it. It's not like she liked Julia in the first place… she just tolerated her.”

“Really?” Jeff said sarcastically, as if this news surprised him. “She acts like such a snob around Julia.”

I eyed Jeff, not knowing if I was offended by that statement or not. “She's still my fiancé',” I said.

He rolled his eyes. “Don't remind me.”

The door opened from down the long hallway, the rattling of keys and sound of heels ticking on the floor. Glenne rounded the corner, her blonde hair in a high ponytail and sunglasses in hand. A smile adorned her pink lips when she saw me. “Hey, Harry-” she stopped short when she took in my appearance, a small “O” shaping her mouth.

Jeff shot her a small smile. “Hi, love,” he told her, his eyes melting like honey at the sight of his girlfriend. My heart hurt like a bitch at the sight of it. I had fucked everything up.

She looked at us cautiously, not knowing whether she was wanted in the conversation. “Is everything all right…?”

“Yeah, it's good,” I lied at the same time that Jeff snorted and said a blunt, “No.”

She eyed us curiously.

“You want a woman's advice?” Jeff asked.

I let out a long breath, ignoring him.

“Glenne, let's be honest. Do you like Elaine?” Jeff looked at her.

I snapped my eyes up to him.

Her eyes grew wide, not knowing how to answer with me in the room. I groaned. “Go ahead, be honest,” I told her, waving my hand.

Glenne pulled her lips into her mouth. “No, not really,” she answered. “she flirts with Jeff a lot.”

My eyebrows shot up. “She what?” I asked incredulously.

“And with Mitch and Adam and Niall....” she continued, looking at me sadly.

I let my face fall into my hands. Did I even have a right to be upset?

“Do you like her, Harry?” Jeff asked.

I was almost about to answer with an involuntary “of course I do” but I stopped myself. I had to think. “A part of me loves her, but I don't particularly like her,” I mumbled, realization stinging like a slap to the face.

Glenne walked all the way into the room, taking a seat next to Jeff.

“A part of you loves her?” Jeff repeated.

I nodded, the words coming to me for the first time. “I did love her... I really believe I did. She was a different person when we met. It's almost as if she's the piece of me that's expected. Everyone wanted me to marry her, to be with her. And I love her for that... for being what I needed at that time of my life but... People change.” When I finished talking, I look up to see Glenne and Jeff looking at each other knowingly.

“What are you two looking at each other about?” I snapped.

She put her hands up in defense. “I didn't say anything,” she responded, a smile on her lips.

I could feel her eyes on me as she gauged my reaction. I knew what she was smiling about and I really didn't want her to be smiling about that.

“It's a lot more complicated than that,” I muttered.

…

The next day was a blur. Waking up by the afternoon, there was a moment of silence before shame swallowed me whole, drowning my chest, lungs and head in an overwhelming guilt. All that I said—all that I maliciously threw at her – I knew it would hurt. Yet, I still said it. I was absolutely disgusted with myself that I could barely eat all day.

I knew I needed to talk to her... But I couldn't. A piece of me was still holding onto the anger that she lied to me and I felt the betrayal of it hit me once again.

I sulked around my flat all day, dragging myself from my bed to my couch and to the bathroom. Only to return back to the couch and sulk a bit more. I was pitiful and lost and stupid and completely and utterly angry.

When the clock hit 7:30 that evening and I felt my eyes drifting close, I heard the front door open, Elaine's loud voice chirping into her phone.

“Harry!” she called and I glanced up at her, knowing the purple circles nestled below my red eyes had to speak for themselves.

“Are you okay?” she asked, glancing down at her phone to type a message.

I sighed. “Yeah,” I lied. “just dandy.” I knew I should tell her about Julia, but I needed this limited amount of time to gather my thoughts and emotions. There was no telling that I wouldn't blow up and break another lamp again.

Her eyes brushed over me for a second. “Okay, good,” she said, reaching in her bag to pull out a folder. “I wanted to tell you that I decided on the wedding colors and venue.”

I rolled my eyes, sinking back into the couch and pulling my arm over my face to shield my sensitive irises from the light she turned on.

“I think pink will be a really nice color. Especially if you wear a pink bow tie and get the boys to wear them too.”

I groaned.

“Are you listening to me?” she demanded and I didn't have to open my eyes to know her hand was on her hip.

I took a deep breath, stringing out my patience. “Oh, yeah. I'm listening alright.”

Elaine's heels clicked as she walked further into the living room and the slap of papers sounded as I imagined her throwing the folder on the glass table.

“Also, for the wedding reception will you sing a song for me? You know, like make it look like a surprise.”

I ran my hands down my face. “You know, Elaine, I really don't want to talk about this right now, okay? I've had a rough day,” I snapped.

She cocked an eyebrow. “You've had a rough day?” she said, her voice icy. “Try planning a wedding all by yourself.”

I pushed myself up to sitting position. “If you would have put it off for a couple more months, maybe it wouldn't be that bad and I could actually have a moment to breathe.”

She crossed her arms. “If I remember correctly you were so eager to get it to be sooner for some unknown reason.”

I was quiet. The date had been moved up because of my nagging to Elaine. I was afraid that I had made a mistake with Julia and all my emotions had been at a boiling point. Kind of like now.

“I don't want to talk about it,” I grumbled.

She threw her hands up in exasperation. “Can you at least tell me what you think of the venue?”

“Why does it matter?” I asked. “It's not like you'll consider my opinion.”

“That's because you have a tacky opinion.” She rolled her eyes.

I raised an eyebrow at her. Pushing myself to my feet, I walked into the hallway and shoved my feet into my black boots.

“Where do you think you're going?” she demanded, running to keep up with me.

“Out.”

My arms slid through the holes of my jacket as I opened the door and grabbed my keys.

“But I just got home,” she said and with my back to her I could still see the same fucking hand on her same fucking hip.

I rolled my eyes. “And now I'm leaving,” I snapped back equally as forceful as her. She was pushing me past my breaking point.

With a closed door separating us, I took a long and deep breath.

***

Julia's P.O.V

I hadn't been able to sleep.

My anxiety was running high as I forced myself to get up and perform normal daily tasks. Brush my hair, make a light breakfast, study, try to watch TV. It was so difficult when I turned and everything reminded me of Harry and when I thought of Harry I thought of our fight which made me want to swallow myself within my own guilt.

Never in my entire life had I seen him that angry. He usually was the calm one, if I got angry he was there to rub my shoulder and tell me to look at the reasonable side of the situation. He had always been that way- he had always been my rock.

After that night... After our argument I didn't know where that left us—or what was left of us. Something felt final when he closed the door, separating us in so many different ways. I had to force myself to not think that he had left me behind because then I'd have to take more anxiety pills to calm my racing heart. Even when we had first marked our relationship with that fatal night, there was still the love between us. There was that friendship that couldn't be ruined with a couple mistakes and mixed signals.

Now I wasn't so sure.

I turned the station on the television, hoping to find something decent to occupy my mind. Jeff had texted me earlier, asking how I was doing- I assumed Harry had told him everything- I couldn't force myself to respond though.

Just when a new episode of a stupid sitcom that I couldn't care less about came on, there was a pounding at my door.

I glanced at the clock. It was 11:30 at night.

Maybe it was Jeff?

I could feel my doubt as I got up to continuing knocking. Whoever was there seemed extremely impatient.

I almost choked on my breath when the squeaking hinges of my door sounded as I pulled it open.

“Harry,” I breathed. So many thoughts raced through my head. What was he doing? Was he going to yell at me again? Cuss me out?

That's when I took in his haggard appearance. Blood-shot eyes, messed up hair and purple halfmoons underneath his bottom lashes. His breath blew out clouds from the frigid London air, his hands shoved deep into the pockets of his black parka, his collar pulled up to protect his neck.

His nose wrinkled. “It's...cold,” he slurred, his tongue painting the words together.

My eyebrows rose in surprise. “Are you drunk?” I asked.

Pushing passed me, he rolled his eyes. “You act like your surprised,” he muttered.

A/N: Tried not to end this on SUCH a bad note. But I’m sorry.

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runninveggie-blog · 4 years

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Perinatal mood and anxiety disorder

I want to start by stating that I am not a blogger. AT. ALL. In fact, I hate to write. When I was in school, I’d much rather take a test or do a project for a grade then write a paper. I can’t spell, my grammar is not great, I don’t always know how to punctuate properly...But I think it is important for me to be as open as possible about what I’m going through right now in my life. So ( large sigh) here goes. Please don’t judge me.

For the second time in my life, I am suffering from postpartum depression (PPD). It is classified as a perinatal mood and anxiety disorder (PMADs). According to the Mayo Clinic, PMADs are the number one complication of pregnancy and childbirth. Every 1 in 9 moms will suffer from some sort of PMAD during pregnancy or after childbirth. That’s a HUGE number! But for some reason, it still isn’t talked about ENOUGH. Yes, we as culture, talk about it more than we did 10 years ago, but for some reason for women, we feel like we’re not allowed to be sad. THAT MAKES THINGS WORSE! There have been many times that I’ve thought “I’d better smile and act like I’m happy so people don’t think I’m crazy and try to take my kids away from me.” I mean, how irrational is that?!?! Very....very irrational.

“I SHOULD BE HAPPY, I HAVE EVERYTHING I’VE EVER WANTED” JESSIE BRUSH, 2019

Right after I had my son, Jack, who is now 3, I suffered from PPD and PPA (postpartum anxiety). I bonded with him when I was pregnant so intensely that I didn’t want anyone to hold him, or look at him, or touch him. I needed to be the sole caregiver of this child. Additionally, my labor and delivery were terrible with him. 25 hours of labor with 3 hours of pushing.... I truly didn’t think I could do it. I also had very high standards that he was going to be entirely breastfed (EFB). And for 3 weeks, he was....and for those three weeks, I was unsuccessful. And frankly, because I was such a failure, I wanted to die. It sounds harsh and extreme, but that is exactly how I felt. But death terrifies me, so I kept moving on. And I was miserable. Nothing brought me joy anymore. There are parts of his very young life that I don’t remember because it was too painful. I felt like I was failing and he didn’t need me since he could be fed with formula. I had hallucinations. I pictured myself driving off a VERY large bridge in my area, and one day I drove over to this bridge. Thank GOD I didn’t do anything because I would have missed out on so much joy and happiness. But at the time, I didn’t think I would ever be happy again. I finally talked to my doctor and she put me on some medications. I also went to a councilor (once... I couldn’t bring myself to talk about...well myself....). After a few months, I started to really get better and move past the sadness.

Fast forwards to pregnancy number 2. I suffered from depression almost my entire pregnancy, In my defense, I couldn’t eat. Like really....for a while there I was only able to drink water, and only if it had a REAL lemon in it, and strawberries 🍓 . Everything else made me throw up. I lost 20 pounds. I was mad about being so sick and I took it out on my unborn child. I didn’t feel like I loved them. And on top of that, we didn’t find out the gender, so I really didn’t feel like I could bond. Of course, I’m so happy now that we didn't’ find out the gender because hearing my husband tell me that we had a girl was one of the most amazing experiences I have ever had in my life. My labor and delivery with Juliet was awesome. 8 hours of labor and 30 minutes of pushing. It was WONDERFUL! And on top of that, I got her to latch and breastfeed right away. Everything seemed to be smooth sailing. I knew that with Juliet, I wasn’t going to go back to work full time so I didn’t feel the pressure of that on my shoulders. Our breastfeeding journey hasn’t been easy though. I’ve gotten mastitis 3 times. Mastitis is terrible. It’s a painful, infected, clogged milk duct. It makes you feel like you’ve got the flu if the flu was in crack. But anyways....She latched well, but she wasn’t getting enough food to make her gain weight. My milk had come in, but she couldn’t empty the breast for some reason and she was so fussy. We thought she had acid reflux, which Jack had so I didn’t question it, but even after we put her on medication for that, nothing changed. I started to look stuff up and came across tongue and lip tie information and symptoms of that. She had every single one. I asked my lactation consultant to check her for it and sure enough, she had both. They were both reversed and we got back on track. She’s still tiny, but MUCH better.....but here I am...and I’m not.

At about 4 months postpartum, I realized that I wasn’t happy. And not like just blue every now and then, but deeply unhappy. I thought about it and I also realized that I had cried every single day that week. I pushed it out of my head thinking that it had just been a hard week and everything was fine. Fast forward to about 2 weeks ago. I was driving my family to a wedding we were attending. Jacob was sleeping because he had worked the night before, Juliet was screaming (she was most likely hungry) and Jack was being Jack...I mean he’s 3 soooo he was being loud and not listening to me. A thought came to me, one that I don’t even want to repeat. But because I want to be fully honest with myself and others, I will “paraphrase” the thought. I thought about how my life would be so much easier with one child. And then I thought about how I would choose which child I’d keep. That’s really as far as I’m will to go with explaining that now, because right after and even right this very second, guilt washed over me. I thought “How can I call myself a mom if I’m having these horrific thoughts?” And at that moment, I wanted to die. Right then and there. I wanted my life to be over. I didn’t deserve these wonderful, amazing, beautiful children that I have been given to raise. I knew I couldn’t end my life right then because I wasn’t going to end my husband or children’s lives, but I knew I didn’t want to live anymore. So...heavy stuff...I may or may not be crying right now....ok so I am crying right now. Anyways, I had to pull myself together to attending this wedding and visit with family. I made it through that day without harming myself or my kids so I knew I could make it thought the rest of the weekend, which we were spending with my mom, dad, sister, and my sister’s girlfriend.

We got home and I called my doctor that day. And you can ask my husband, I’ll go like 3 weeks of being deathly sick without calling my doctor. I didn’t call her last time I was suffering from PPD, I just talked to her at my 6 weeks follow up appointment....anyways, I digress. Once I got home, I started to think about everything, I was trying to remember the last time I truly felt happy and I couldn’t think of it. I thought about at the outburst and RAGE I had, the constant crying (because it wasn’t just that week before the wedding, it was all the time), the anxiety, the fear. I knew then that it was a lot worse than I had thought. I texted my “ladies” chat, which consists of my mom, grandmother, and sister, to let them know what was going on. I didn’t go into much detail about it because I didn’t want to scare them, but my mom knew. She called me and asked me what was going on. I’m grateful for that. It got me talking. It got me really thinking and it got me set in the right direction to help it. I also talked to my husband. I told him that thought I had about our kids, and you know what...he didn’t leave. He didn’t take out kids and run. No, he laid beside me in our bed and let me cry. He never once made me feel like an unfit mother. I’m also grateful for that.

I’m trying HARD to find AT LEAST one positive thing to think about every day. It’s not easy when your brain is constantly telling you that you’re horrible and making you feel like total trash. And it's even more difficult on days like today when both kids are sick and you’re sleeping on the couch because your daughter can only sleep in the swing because she can’t lay flat....and let's be honest, I’m not sleeping....also a sign of PPD. But I still want to try and find the good in each day. I know there is some.

If you’re still reading now, thank you. I know it’s probably boring, but I do appreciate you stopping by. I hope to bring awarenesses to my issue, I hope that I can help someone who is also going through this. I hope to share some resources that I find to help those that need it too. I mean, I contacted the suicide lifeline the other night to get help. I wasn’t suicidal that night, but I knew I needed help and I didn’t know where to go. It was a great resource.

To end, I’ll leave you with this, actress Bryce Dallas Howard said “It is strange for me to recall what I was like at the time. I seemed to be suffering from emotional amnesia. I couldn’t genuinely cry or laugh, or be moved by anything. For the sake of those around me, including my son, I began showering again. In the second week, I let loose in the privacy of my bathroom, water flowing over me as I heaved uncontrollable sobs.” This is 100% how I feel. For me, it didn’t hit until a few weeks ago, but I can relate to this on a different level. Life for me is difficult right now. It's hard to get out of bed, but I’m hoping that if I’m open about it and I seek out the help I need, I’ll be able to live my life “normal” again. Also, please know that if you reach out to me and I don’t reply or I just say thank you, I’m not trying to be rude. I’m trying to heal. And one day I might text you to talk and that’s when I’m going to need you the most. I’ve come to realize that it’s ok to need help.

#Perinatal mood and anxiety disorder #Postpartumdepression #postpartum anxiety #PPD #PPA

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