#this is a problem for sober me
Text
Distracted
Pairing - Jason Todd X (F) Reader
Words - 1.1K
Warnings - SMUT 18+ - Graphic Sexual Content - Oral M!Receiving - Swearing.
Notes - I’m in a mood. I’m a little drunk. This hasn’t been edited so if you see any mistakes shush, they’re totally not there. Also, I love you 💕
MASTERLIST
**
You don’t know how he does it.
How he can make you twist your fingers around the sharpened edge of distracted. Sink neck deep into something desperate, something hungry.
You would have thought that you’d get this way from seeing him in action, from watching him use all his perfect strength and intellect to protect those who need it.
But for fucks sake, he’s sat on the sofa reading, and you want to sink your teeth into his jugular and never let go.
**
His legs are propped up on the coffee table, feet crossed at the ankle.
Jason holds his book with one hand, careful to rest it in such a way that he can flip the page with his thumb. His other hand absentmindedly plays with your hair, silently switching from twirling the strands around his fingers, to scratching soothingly at your scalp. The sensation has your eyes rolling into the back of your skull, goosebumps prickling up your arms.
Nimble fingers hook into the elastic waistband of his grey sweatpants and Jason quickly stops playing with your hair.
“What are you up to, baby?” He asks, there’s an accusatory note lacing his words and you fight to keep the self satisfied smirk from your face, even though you know he can’t see it.
“Shh, go back to reading your book, Jay.” You answer, voice thick, heated. “I jus’ want to take care of you, that’s all.”
He hums in response, clearly not fully convinced–you don’t exactly blame him. You know that he’s clever enough to catch on the slight hints you throw him, subconsciously or otherwise. This has happened before, except usually, you are the one on the receiving end of his wickedly talented mouth.
Tugging at the soft fabric Jason lifts his hips, allowing you to pull it down far enough to free his half hard length.
He’s not wearing any boxers and you feel your pussy getting wet.
Quickly taking the tip between your lips you suckle gently and dip your tongue into his sticky pink slit. The noise that leaves Jason’s throat is stuck halfway between a moan and a hiss, you can’t see him, but you know he’s biting his lip, eyes fluttering closed when your hand curls around the base of his thick girth.
You feel him twitch against your tongue, cock fattening up between your spit slick lips. The taste of him has you moaning, has you thinking you’re drunk, tipped over the edge of rational thought and falling fast into hungry arousal.
If you could, you’d swallow him whole.
Coming free with a wet pop you lick a firm stripe from base to tip and swirl your tongue around the fat, flushed head of his pretty cock.
“Read your book, baby.” You encourage, spitting on the tip and letting your drool slide down his length. Giving him a firm pump with your hand you revel in the soft gasp that slips out from between his teeth. “C’mon, Jay. Y’wanted to read, didn’t you?”
His reply is a garbled moan of your name, voice lost in his heaving chest when you take him into your mouth again and start bobbing your head, hand quickly pumping what you can’t make fit.
Under your hand Jason’s hips flex and you press against him firmly, shoving him back into place so you can continue sucking him off. Above you he groans, thighs tensing like he’s holding himself back from stuffing the entirety of his thick cock into your hot, wet mouth.
“Can’t exactly concentrate on reading when you’ve got my dick in your mouth, sweetheart.” He finally grits out, one hand sweeping your hair away from your face and the other still holding tightly onto his book.
Pulling off his cock again you press soft kisses down his throbbing length, tongue coming out to press against the thick vein running up the underside.
The elastic of his sweatpants sits snug under his full balls and you can’t fight the urge to lick and suck at them until he’s gasping and whining, hips trying relentlessly to shove up against your mouth for more pressure.
Swallowing his cock your lips split wide around his girth, jaw aching with the strain. You try to fit him all in your mouth but you can’t, he’s too big, too thick. The tip touches the back of your throat and you gag, spit leaking from the corners of your mouth.
Jason’s hand rests heavy on the back of your head, “C’mon, baby. Y’can take me all in that pretty mouth of yours, can’t you?” Trying again you sink down and your drool rolls down his flushed balls, soaking the soft fabric of his sweatpants. “You’re so messy, sweetheart. M’gonna have to change once you’re done.”
Pulling back slightly you settle into an easy rhythm, hand stroking what you can’t make fit in your mouth. Jason’s hips kick up to match your pace, soft little moans and groans escaping his lips when you suck at his cock and twist your wrist.
Settling with just his fat, weeping tip in your mouth you roll your tongue over the sensitive head and give a pleased hum when Jason jolts, throwing his head back, fingers making a tight fist in your hair. Licking into the sticky slit you moan when the heavy taste of him fills your mouth.
“M’gonna come if you keep doing that.”
Good.
Dropping your hand you play with his heavy balls, tugging and rolling them in your palm. Above you, Jason calls your name, voice almost breathless, in the back of your head, you think this is what he would sound like if he was drunk.
His thighs shake under you and you feel his balls pull up tight just before he comes.
The taste of him floods your mouth as his length twitches and throbs in your mouth, cock pumping out rope after rope of his sticky come. Suckling softly at the tip you swallow everything he gives you. Pushing against his hip as he continuously rocks steadily into your mouth you guide him down, cock softening against your tongue.
Tucking him back into his sweatpants you wipe your mouth with the back of your hand.
“Go back to reading your book, baby.” You smile, finally looking up to find Jason’s flushed cheeks. “Was just in the mood to suck you off, m’done now.”
Choking on a tired laugh Jason pats your head. “You’re something else, sweetheart.”
Without a word, he goes back to playing mindlessly with your hair and thumbing through the pages of his book. If it wasn’t for the sweat beading on his forehead, or the flush high on his cheeks, you wouldn’t know you’d had his cock in your mouth moments ago.
Suddenly throwing his book onto the coffee table with a bang Jason twists until you’re flat on your back.
“My turn,” He grins, “I’m in the mood to eat your pretty little pussy, I bet sucking me off got you all wet and sticky, huh? Lemme take care of you.”
**
#jason todd x reader#jason todd x reader smut#jason todd smut drabble#jason todd smut#ella writes#the only one distracted here is me#i feel like this is kinda bad#but ive had the alcohols and i dont care right now#this is a problem for sober me#i wanna give jason head so bad#uhughurhguergergerg
2K notes
·
View notes
Text
10 things I learned from 10 months of sobriety
(in no particular order)
1. Feelings can't hurt me as long as I don't do anything self destructive to make them go away. They'll pass - like clouds blowing over the sky.
2. Everything good that I thought being drunk and high helped me do - socializing at parties, making art, emotional intimacy - I'm actually better at when I'm sober.
3. Getting intoxicated was a shortcut (a maladaptive coping mechanism) to silence my self-criticism and shame.
4. It caused more problems than it solved.
5. What I really needed was to practice self compassion and let myself be vulnerable with others sober. Scary, but the rewards are great.
6. If I satisfy my loneliness by getting drunk and high, I will be too busy with my addiction to seek out real love or accept it when it comes. I feel lonely for a reason; if I just keep numbing the hunger, I'll starve.
7. I have to take all of the energy I may spend wishing for others to change for me and just change myself.
8. Withdrawals were uncomfortable but my fear of them was much worse. When I look back, I felt more joy and relief in the first few days than pain. Like swimming in the ocean: once I stopped struggling and just let the current pull me under and toss me around, trusting that eventually I would be pushed to the surface, I knew I would be alright no matter how strange and sick I felt. It was such a relief to stop fighting what I knew deep down was right and true: that I had to quit today - not tomorrow, not in a week - or I'd be using for the rest of my life.
9. Denial is a powerful and terrifying thing. Nobody is too smart to be an addict. If anything, it makes you better at coming up with excuses.
10. At some point you will be more afraid of staying the same forever than you are of changing.
#i smoked all day every day and binge drank if i still felt too sober or i couldnt get enough weed#drinking was my first problem but i got more into thc because it didnt make me feel so sick#at least at first#this blog is just more focused on weed bc i feel theres a lack of information and content about thc addiction on Tumblr#goodbye mary jane#weed addiction#addiction recovery#marijuana addiction#recovering stoner#cannabis addiction#stoner#drug addikt#clean and sober#recovering addict#alcoholism#alcohol abuse
55 notes
·
View notes
Text
Sally's apology to John really struck me as a raw, meaningful parent-to-child apology. She didn't dumb anything down, she didn't lie to soften anything, she claimed all of her actions... he was so young, and Sally reacted to his age not by talking down to him, but by finding a way to describe the whole truth so he could understand
Most importantly I think is how she kept saying that John is a good person. Like...she thought she was about to die. And she didn't spend that time asking John for forgiveness or to remember her in a good light. She dedicated her words to making John feel loved. She spent that precious time giving him something to make sense of it all, to heal somewhere down the line even when she's not there
#HHHHHHUHHHHHHHHHH#i know that Sally & John's interactions at the college indicate a bunch of fucked-up-edness#ie him saying 'i love you' & her not hearing it. her asking him for reassurance#but i see the apology scene & her concern for him after the shooting#as evidence that she's going to give him SOMETHING good as his mother.#call me what u want but i have faith in them.#She's not perfect and they've got SOOOO much shit to live with. the both of them.#but amongst all of her motivations there is a genuine desire to see her son safe & happy#and i'm crossing my heart & hoping to die that -- now that Barry's not there -- that love for John comes through. and that he feels it.#the fact that they had an easy conversation outsite the theater; there was no indication Sally is using substances; John is sober;#and that John has friends.... I'm choosing to take these as indicators that -- despite the genuine problems that Are there --#John & Sally are reasonably healthy and so is their relationship.#oh god. this show. takes a fucking Lot out of me#barry hbo#sally reed#john berkman#barry finale#barry meta#pyra speaks
99 notes
·
View notes
Text
Imogen says that. until Everything Went Down (until Otohan) (until her powers not only failed her but doomed everyone around her) her markings kind of. made her feel good.
Imogen says that: Sure, they were terrible at first, but when she realized she could use her powers to defend, (like she defended Laudna)-
"They felt like proof. That I was stronger than I thought I was."
(The powers and the markings are synonymous, for Imogen. They are physical evidence of her powers, an external manifestation of powers that, so often, plague her in ways that are invisible. The voices, the headaches, the overhearing, the nightmares, the ever-present anxiety all of them bring. Are invisible.
The electricity arcing off of her fingertips in defense. Are not.
The markings webbing their way up her arms. Are not.
She looks at her marks and thinks of her powers, and that is both a blessing and a curse.
Proof, or evidence.)
Imogen did not see her markings- her powers- as a gift, until she found how they could be used in service to others. To help others. Her powers would always be some kind of curse to her, of course they were. But seeing the way they could defend and protect others, seeing the way she could take this curse and wring some good out of it.
That made it worth it, maybe. That made it good.
That made her feel stronger, maybe.
I just. Imogen looks at her marks and thinks of her powers. And thinks of the ways these hands (these abilities) can be used in service for others, in protection of others, in ways to hold on tight and protect things she loves, people she loves. And for a while (for two years, at least), it was enough that she could look down and- they made her feel kind of good. She's so much stronger than she ever imagined she could be- not because of the powers alone, but because its her wielding them, that even with all of the awfulness that comes along with it, she knows how she's been using them, how she's been able to do good. She's so much stronger than she could have dreamed, (in all her nightmares).
And then.
And then-
The problem was not the strength. Otohan whispered that too, of power in her, a spark, a fire, a raging storm. Otohan brought it out, eventually.
The problem was not a lack of power.
The problem was- the defense. The protection. Otohan chased her down- all of them down, for that power raging inside of her. Cut down her friends, one by one, to make a point, to get to her. To get to that storm. To claw it out.
Otohan looked at Laudna, and said to Imogen- "Is she your favorite?"
Otohan killed Laudna, and Imogen let out every ounce of that power she had manifesting in her and levelled a city and it-
did nothing. It did nothing.
Otohan hunted her down- hunted all of them down, and ripped through them for the power that arcs up Imogen's arms and none of it was enough to protect, in the end.
Imogen looks at her markings and thinks of her powers, and if they make her feel strong it is a curse, now, its another layer of guilt, its another condemnation.
Imogen's markings made her feel strong because they could help others, serve others, protect others.
How- uniquely awful, then. To look down and see a death sentence on those you love, instead.
To see all that power.
And see a blast radius, instead of a shield.
#critical role#c3e34#imogen temult#character meta#speculation#imogen meta#my meta#ive got 3 min left on the loading so while ive passed this over for typos its mostly unedited. ive got So Many Feelings About This Scene#orhhgggh its about the PROTECTION and the power was a consequence of that. what an awful twist to habe that contorted where the power#IS there. but its now the cause. its the problem. you're right. you'#re strong. but thats why the people you love are being hurt.#(and you are. not strong enough to protect them.)#GOD screw otohan trully#otohan thull#reread this after sobering up and. yknow what. not bad. definitely prosey and long winded but coherent enough. points to me.#THERE WAS A TYPO ON THE LAST LINE. alas. fixed now.
202 notes
·
View notes
Text
also i hate saturdays on this app. why do all y’all have lives smh
#rambles.#/j i’m glad y’all are living life#it’s a me problem i’m a non M-F gurlie and also a hermit so. skill issue#oh and it’s 4/20. once again i am the loser sober gurl
9 notes
·
View notes
Text
anyone got any suggestions for how to explain mysteriously having another blade that does not involve it being taken away or me being put back on suicide watch
#personal#tw sh#tw suicide#started using the i am sober app again recently finally and discovering how often i self harm is somewhat damning#i mean it's not bad or whatever it's very mild so from a clinical perspective it's not concerning#one time someone was telling me how much i downplay problems because i'm approaching them from a clinical point of view#well you see. if i don't i will go insane. so.#anyway#puddleglum hours#sorry for depressionposting this much i should stop
13 notes
·
View notes
Note
Heyy for the requests, maybe Rosaria giving a piggyback ride to Kaeya, when they go home from drinking? I love your art btw and thabk you <3
he ends up falling asleep so quickly after this lol
(also tysm <333)
#hopefully its legible lmao#todays been a day for real squiggly sketches#and i wanted this one to be very squiggly bc theyre wasted soooo#im weirdly proud of kaeyas shoe in this one#genshin impact#rosaria#kaeya#its them#the two pretty best friends#rosaria would be able to carry him no problem when sober but when drunk.....#they mean sm to me auugh#love the tavern trio <333#genshin impact fanart#my art#doodle#wahhh out of reqs again RIP#can yall pwetty pwease send character n pokemon duos or smth#ive been thinking sm about pkmn aus today help#sorry do i sound desperate
55 notes
·
View notes
Text
Ray is the worst character on this show and I hate this man like he poisoned my water supply and burned my crops. I don't even care.
This man is looking right in Sand's sad eyes and saying "but you make me happy" while still pretending Mew wants him and stringing Sand along as a backup option. He’s the worst kind of person you fall for in your early adult years because they don’t love anyone but themselves, but can fool you just enough that you fall for it every time, then hate yourself for falling for the obvious bullshit.
He really was out here trying to have Sand do his mandatory community service. I know he said he’d be there, but he wouldn’t be the one teaching the kids, which he even admitted. He’d just be sitting there watching Sand, probably after pregaming before, with doe eyes because he’s never actually worked a day in his life. He doesn’t respect Sand or his time in any way at all. He’s a spoiled brat that uses his daddy’s money, or whatever and whoever he can, to get his way.
I want to sit him down and tell him “Mew doesn’t want to fuck you. He’s only entertaining you because he’s heartbroken over Top. You pretending he wants to be with you because he’s constantly drunk and doing lines with you, when you know he has a problem with your drinking and the fact that you even do coke, is absolutely pathetic. And imagine doing all that, having Mew blackout drunk and high, and him still not wanting to fuck you? Embarrassing. He only even kissed you because he wanted to hurt Top and your stupid ass thought you won something. It would be sad if it wasn't so pathetic.”
And if you thought this man couldn’t get worse, Mew’s been drunk for weeks (maybe? Ray's arm is fine and he's already been convicted of his DUI) at this point, is high for the first time, and puking in the sink, and where the fuck is Ray, who always so loudly and self righteously proclaims he’s the only person that really loves Mew, to take care of him? Forcing himself onto Sand and wrecking his shit because he’s an adult toddler that wants all his toys to only belong to him. And remember kids, he didn’t just cockblock Sand and forcibly kiss him while Sand struggled to push him away, he also called him a whore for the FOURTH time. I fucking hate him. Though I’m proud Sand FINALLY stood up for himself, even just a little bit, because Ray isn’t worth ANY of this sadness and drama. He’s not that cute, his hair is uneven, and he looks dusty.
Ray’s selfish actions, in having coke at all, being so fucking sloppy he's strung out on a couch at a party, and stringing Sand along for months, almost got Sand arrested. I hope everyone that wants this relationship to happen acknowledges that because god knows Sand, and the show, won’t. If Top didn’t bribe the cop, they both would have been arrested and we all know Sand has no money for any type of lawyer or bribe. So slow clap it out for Ray's complete selfishness. And what did Sand get after all that? Ray passed out alone, happily hugging a pillow.
Everyone calls him a burden because he is. He refuses to do a damn thing to change because he doesn’t actually hate his life all that much. And why would he? He’s a spoiled pampered young man that drags everyone (Sand, Mew, Cheum) down with him. And then he sobers up the next day and does it all over again. His daddy’s money always keeps him protected from any real consequences, because that DUI sentence was a slap on the wrist. Hell, even Top’s money protected him because he should have been arrested. And we all know if the tables were flipped, he would have let Top get carted off without a second thought for how that would hurt Mew. Because he doesn’t care about anyone but himself.
In conclusion:
#only friends#only friends the series#I'm a mentally ill addict that's been 5150'd more than once and tried to off myself multiple times#I've never been sober for more than three months since I was 17#my dad has got me out of all the trouble I've ever gotten into as much as he can#so believe me when I say Ray fucking sucks#just a completely selfish character#it's been 8 episodes and he's shown no growth or even regression#he's still there blaming everyone else for his problems while dragging everyone down#if Khaotung wasn't playing him y'all would have a lot more to say on his PEAK assholeness#which is hilarious cause even Khao is like yeah Ray fucking sucks lol#regular clyde
21 notes
·
View notes
Text
idk about the rest of you but i genuinely don't make decisions high that I wouldn't make sober
#half because i think about things when i do them by either a) no thought instant impulse straight to action OR b) very close overthinking#and drugs dont usually do anything besides make me do more of one or the other#i dont really Do 'back off bc nervous' *except* when under the influence tbh bc i overthink tapping the brakes#so like i'm more likely to be like 'may be i shouldn't get an impulse tattoo from this random person' while high than sober#this is a me problem#other half is just because i will commit to such dumb shit anyway and have enough wrong with me that my sober instincts and desires are#p much totally in line with my influenced ones as far as i've seen#im never sobering up like 'what was i thinking' i always know what i was thinking ans usually im like 'yeah good call' about it#being DRUNK is the only one I don't really feel that way about and is because it's bad for my mental health but like ive never really done#something while drunk i wouldn't do while sober either i just usually feel a little off kilter about it#red rambles
7 notes
·
View notes
Text
mc is a goddamn saint bc if i had to go through all that bullshit i would start killing and maiming people
#obey me#obey me mc#all those brief moments where someone's like 'thx 4 everything u do for us :)' aren't fucking ENOUGH#someone give that sheep a nobel peace prize#i tell you if i was in the situation. i would not get through it sober#thats a me issue though LOL. baggage and all that#u think im down to solve family problems that YOU created????#boy get yourself to therapy and then we'll talk#saying things
15 notes
·
View notes
Text
Gotta keep the no weed posts to a minimum lest people think it's actually a good thing I'm smoking less
#my posts#ive been thinking about this for months now like i was so neurotic before i started smoking weed#im sure because my life isnt a dumpster fire anymore that i wont be As neurotic or suicidal#but im so used to smoking instead of sitting with hard emotions. or boredom. boredom kind of makes me neurotic ngl#i can fill my time up with little tasks but boy i kind of like just doing nothing and still being happy#nothing my beloved my bestie. we've had so many good times together#anyways like im objectively a weed addict and i know it has been a cause for concern in some of my friends and my mom#its just not a problem for me because i literally feel so normal when im high and like. good. like i just normally feel happy#happy is Not my default sober emotion & it never was and like i can still chill and live my life#it just feels so unnecessary to do all that sober when i could also do it high
5 notes
·
View notes
Text
God so basically i went from working a retail job where I could literally smoke pot IN THE STORE on the job to a job where they can have absolutely no idea that I smoke pot. Which means I've gone from being high 24/7 to only smoking after work. It has been a fucking process but it's been a week since I've stopped smoking constantly and it's actually insane how much higher I get now. It's stupid. I come home and take one dab and suddenly I'm fucking obliterated. I used to get to the point where by the end of the day the dabs wouldn't even touch me anymore what the FUCK
#me realizing i had/have a problem#i do a dab when i first wake up still but a very tiny one only to ease my morning anxiety#but for the rest of the day im sober until like 4#personal#also though im proud of myself. i really didnt think i could do it but i havent had a single panic attack at work yet! without weed!
7 notes
·
View notes
Text
Bye bye hospital bed, hello eight pillows
#personal posts#straight back to the living group#no more psych ward blogging#two of my roommates helped me move#and shared the food they cooked with me#a third roommate gave me chocolate as a welcome present#one of the other patients cried whenI left#and I'm gonna meet with my psych ward crew tomorrow (because imma do alcohol tests at the clinic saturday and sunday#to make sure I stay sober)#it truly is bewildering how social I have become#like during the last couple of days I spent lots of time with said other patient and she said to me 'you're such a good person#whever we go we meet people who are happy to see you'#and it made me realize it's true lmao#another patient gave me a present for listening to her problems and giving her space to cry#wild#anyway#freeeeeeeeeedom#now I've gotta manage to stay sober until I go to the rehab clinic#addiction tag
14 notes
·
View notes
Text
Okay but like does my dream man exist. If I could be like Dr frankenfurter and create a man in a lab I would have the following characteristics:
- Does NOT want kids (I am tired of fence sitters, I strongly want to be DINK)
- does NOT want to be poly/ENM
- has a mustache
- has a 9-5 or some sort of stable job with stable income and the ability to take off days for vacation / work remotely (I want someone to be able to travel with me! Like this year I’ve done Hawaii, San Diego, DC, Tokyo, Ireland and later this year I have Arizona. Dublin again, Amsterdam, Vienna and NYC! I want someone who wants to travel with me)
- ideally 5’11 or above bc I am 5’11
- not a bartender / film industry
- not religious
- no conservative/ alpha male type bullshit
- no active substance abuse issues
Or am I gonna b single forever lol
#deleted the apps for now#I like my situationship so much#and he’s tall and doesn’t want kids and isn’t poly#but he’s film industry and bartends in the side#and after my last 4 year relationship I swore I wouldn’t date industry again#our lifestyles and availability are too conflicting#plus being with him puts me around cocaine every weekend#which I’m not doing#and I won’t do again#but doesn’t make recovery easy#so actually he checks all of my boxes besides film industry and substance abuse#he himself doesn’t have an abuse problem but it’s who his friends are#also we constantly drink together which is fine but I’m tired of it#we’re gonna do a sober Sunday date and I’ll see how that goes
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
thinking maybe i should get clean fr
#personal#like im admitting i have a bit of a problem with my pills. using them too much#i dont like how it makes me feel so foggy and slow. the high helps dull my emotions but i think it only makes it worse#i take them for migraines and nerve pain so i cant just stop taking them. only take it as needed and no more than needed...#i was sober for like 4 daysand i took some today after ffraking out about it and i just feel like ass. it doesnt feel good anymore#plus the high reminds me of how mucb better opioids were and i dont want to think like that or crave them anymore#maybe this will help with my sh too. probably not but maybe. its a much bigger issue than this
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
I'm not going to my disability job program meeting today it's been a fucking year of no one wanting to hire my disabled ass and I'm so mentally unstable right now
#.bdo#a year of wasting my fucking time trying to find a place to live#my partner being so depressed that i haven't had a conversation w him sober in over a month#my doctors won't medicate me properly#and I get that other people who work have these problems too#but i have extremely highly sensitive emotions and go into meltdowns very easily#it's diagnosed as ''panic attack disorder'' in my files but it's the autism#i walked out of my last job in the middle of a phone call because of overstimulation#i legit can not handle anything past a certain level of emotion or i lose it#like whenever i realized my phone actually broke from me throwing it during a meltdown & not from my cats knocking it down#the way i act is not normal for someone my age and it's becoming more and more apparent
4 notes
·
View notes
Last Seen Blogs
soccerpunching
⚡autistic break trio⚡
crazy-khadidja
خديجة
caerauelyfctaffswell
Untitled
georgezr
Untitled