I am always so disappointed by men

I hate feeling lonely rn like I have so much love in my life from my friends but! At my core ! I am a lover girl I want to be in a relationship like i want to be working towards a common goal

Situationships are fun but they are exhausting. I take a step back and I’m like ?? Why am I letting a *man* use my body for sub par time together? Maybe I need to just be asking for or expecting more. I feel like I need to disappear from the bar scene all together , re do my apartment , go back to working out 6 days a week, only spend time with my friends / mom and sister and totally de center men from my life

The last time I did that I was so happy. But I always fall back into this stupid ass cycle of binge drinking , feeling like shit for 2 days, my work suffers. Desperate for breadcrumbs of attention to feel desired and gain confidence. Then I do it all again. And I make stupid decisions. Ugh.

Which makes me feel like a dummy bc I’ve done the therapy work and I know good and well external validation is not the key to confidence or feeling full - it starts with self efficacy, me showing up FOR myself. That’s why the gym and hobbies etc are important . Idk it’s 4 am and I’m rambling

In the same breath I’m like girl it was just the 1 year anniversary on Wednesday of you watching your dad fucking die liiiike no wonder you feel sad and lonely and want to pacify all of your sad feelings with disturbing amounts of alcohol and sex lol

May 1964. ‘Cold, soft, luscious, spoony Thick Whips.’

I ate a klonopin sandwich and it’s not working

Photbooth was broken but of course we still had to get a lil pic 🤩

From @y2kaestheticinstitute