#this applies to all trans people though because i have seen the same thing being done to trans women and transfem individuals | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

saintjosie · 8 days

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apologies if you’ve talked about something this before, but your post on experiencing exclusion in trans fem circles on account of being an east asian woman who speaks up came up on my dash and it reminded me of something that‘a been troublingme.

i’m also asian and trans, and i’m always really sent off-kilter when i see white trans people idealizing japanese aesthetics and asian people in general. so many white trans people use anime tropes and aesthetics while also othering real asian people, esp other asian trans people. does it feel appropriative/fetishistic to you?

i guess it’s just something that echoes general white-centric society but it feels like a lot of white trans people focus more on their transness and forget that their whiteness doesn’t just go away or get excused, if that makes sense

this is a great ask with no easy answer. the short answer is yes, you’re absolutely right, but there is also a lot of nuance that’s very important to address too.

white people in general have an enormous problem with misunderstanding the difference between appropriation and appreciation. and that applies to appropriating the culture of all people of color because appropriation is a symptom of colonization. part of that is because it’s very difficult to have a catch-all definition that clarifies the distinction between the two because each person approaches the things they consume in a different way, with varying levels of excitement. i simply cannot point a finger at all white people who enjoy anime and say, “this is bad”, because it simply is not true. it would be just as harmful if a white person were to say, “i would never watch anime because i think it’s weird”, because while appropriation is objectively a form of colonization, appreciation is a celebration of diversity. and celebration of diversity is good!

but i think you hit the nail on the head when you say that a lot of white queer and trans people forget that even though that they are oppressed by cis heterosexual patriarchy, the intersection of oppression that exists between oppressed identities and race means that as white people, they still have white privilege. full stop. and so we often have this issue, especially with young queer and trans people (young as in newly realized queerness and transness, not age) where there is a pause in deconstructing whiteness because they are too focused on deconstructing the privilege that they have suddenly lost by embracing their marginalized identities.

and the issue goes even deeper when you realize that people of color also struggle to realize that we often also perpetuate and contribute to oppression of other people of color as well. east asian people in particular forget that even though we are people of color, we do not face the same kind of oppression that black and brown people of color do, and often we perpetuate racism through appropriation of black culture and also just straight up racism. i think most asian people can attest to how often asian people can be racist as fuck. and i’ve definitely seen asian people who think it’s acceptable to make aave and using the n-slur a part of their personality. and at the same time there is an enormous problem with black people fetishizing asian people and latching on to anime and k-pop in ways that perpetuate the oppression of asian people, as well as just being racist towards asians in general.

and root of the issue is that white supremacy affects all of us. EVERYONE has whiteness to deconstruct because we all live in a system that was built on white supremecy, even if we do not have white privilege ourselves. the answer is that everyone period must bear the burden of constantly deconstructing whiteness, deconstructing our own privilege, and doing our part to lift each other up. and while it is true that white people often have the most work to do in deconstructing their own privilege, none of us are absolved.

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qweerhet · 4 months

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i have come to realize over the past few days that a lot of bad transfeminist takes on this website are percolating in spaces where it's presumed the transfem experience is one of either attempting to be recognized as a woman socially, or wanting to be recognized as a woman socially but not attempting (with an unspoken "yet" attached), and suddenly everything coming out of those spaces about transmisogyny makes sense.

transmisogyny never applies to men because if you're a woman, you know it already. or if it does apply to men, it always benefits them, because someone who looks like a man and occupies the social role of man could never actually be a woman, at least until they start trying to occupy the social role of woman. if a woman is closeted, she'll come out eventually. people who don't chemically or surgically transition and continue to use he/him are selfishly benefiting from transmisogyny, and don't want to come out because they benefit too much from enacting violence on trans women. transfems are always treated as failed women, and never as failed men, because being transfem means trying to be recognized as a woman. nobody could ever see a real transfem as a man, only men are seen as men, and transfems do things like use she/her and wear women's clothes and go on estrogen, which means everyone knows they're transfem. transfems who are men aren't a part of this conversation. tma people who aren't women don't exist because transmisogyny comes from being perceived as a woman.

and it's like. well. i certainly know lots of people who would directly contest & cleanly disprove your presumptions here (i mean. myself being one of them, even though i do present femme full-time!), but you'll never get the chance to have your worldview shifted, because you've made your social spaces profoundly unfriendly to them!

even if you've already made an effort to decouple transmedicalism from your theory, you still have to make an effort to actually engage with & understand the material experiences of people who don't align with current narratives about transition at all. transfems who use all pronouns and grow massive beards while on e and never legally change their names or gender markers. transneutral and transandrogynous tma people. trans women who refer to themselves as women but do not want to chemically or surgically transition or publicly use pronouns other than he/him, ever. full-time female impersonators who solely use she/her and chemically and surgically transition, but still identify as men. and you have to really engage with what we say about transmisogyny, as in, listen in good faith and understand what we're expressing about its functions in our daily lives!

or you could circlejerk forever about how being a woman is the be-all-end-all of experiencing transmisogyny and personal identification is one and the same as material conditions of privilege, to the point that personal identification automatically prescribes material privilege. and shut out a solid chunk of tma people from your gender theory permanently and irrevocably. and implicitly call a solid chunk of tma people liars for talking about daily life experiences. that's cool too, definitely won't have any negative consequences for trans community and trans spaces in the broader world or anything.

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am-i-the-asshole-official · 7 months

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aita for lying about being cis?

before you automatically click nta, i know i’m under no obligation to tell people that i’m trans. i know that sometimes you have to “lie” about your gender or sexuality to stay safe.

this isn’t really a question of safety though.

basically, i (23m) am a transgender man who is more or less fully passing. since i started physically transitioning and began to pass, i realised that i prefer it when people just… see me as a cis man. i’ve sort of realised that i want to be stealth in all areas of life - the only people who know i’m trans now aside from people who already knew me pre-transition are other trans people or very, very specific friends that i thought were important to tell.

this also isn’t a case of hiding it from romantic partners or anything as my fiancé has been with me since before i transitioned, and though we’re both polyamorous i’d obviously tell anyone we did decide to be with sexually or romantically.

but i’m not just hiding that i’m trans by avoiding the question like i used to, i’ve started actively identifying to people as a cis man. this has kind of resulted in people sometimes talking to me about trans issues etc thinking i’m not related to that topic at all (both negatively and positively) and it makes me feel somewhat dishonest because i know they wouldn’t be saying some of it if they knew they were talking to a trans person.

but i just… enjoy being treated like a cis man? i like other cis dudes including me in, i dunno, dick talk or Typical Man Complaints and taking me seriously as a man without any reservations, when i know it wouldn’t be the same if they knew. and that ALSO makes me feel bad because not only am i misleading people intentionally but i’m also basically letting myself dodge misogyny and transphobia and enjoying being treated "like a man", as someone none of those things apply to, i like being seen as on an equal level to guys and knowing i'd be seen as lesser if they knew the truth

so - aita for not just hiding that i'm trans, but actively claiming to be a cisgender man to people who trust me and that i see as genuine close friends?

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole

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cursedvibes · 3 months

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jjk having queer-coded villains seems to be an intentional choice. what are your thoughts on this

Honestly, I think the queer themes and characters we've gotten in jjk are pretty great. Yes, some of them are villains and that is a common harmful trope, but first of all it is not just the villains and second you have to look at how their queerness is portrayed and implemented into their characters.

We have characters like Kirara and Hakari and I think you can count Tengen too, who are queer(-coded) and not villains. Their queerness is pretty explicit in case of Kirara and Tengen with Kirara having clearly transitioned and being some flavour of trans and Tengen also openly stating she's lost interest in gender and is if anything a gnc woman. Queerness is also not their entire character, just one minor aspect of it that is honestly not that important. Tengen being responsible for the creation of jujutsu society and Kirara rebelling against the school and then choosing to aid the kids in the Culling Game is much more significant than their gender. Tengen corrects Yuki about being a man and then we move on, it is not actually a big deal. Yuki is more concerned with Tengen's actions than her gender.

The comment from Panda insisting that Kirara is a guy was weird, but it isn't brought up again, everyone just doesn't gender Kirara when seeing them without making a big deal about how "weird" it is for a presumed guy to have boobs like you might've expected in other pieces of media. The implication here I think is just that Panda hasn't seen Kirara in a while nor knows them very well. The comment was unnecessary in my opinion, you could've shown in a better way that Kirara transitioned, but the way it is treated afterwards makes it better. I think it especially helps that we see Hakari so accepting of Kirara, it is something normal and their relationship is loving. Kirara's gender or presumed sex is no issue at all between them and the other characters just roll with it too.

Same could be said for things like Geto and Gojo's relationship for example, the most prominent example of queer-coding in jjk as is also heavily displayed in marketing for season 2 of the anime. Obvious choice, they are by for the most popular ship and tapping into shipping sells. Their the sasunaru of jjk. I don't think you could call it queerbaiting though because contrary to sasunaru you don't have this "jk they both ended up marrying some random women like the heterosexual men they are" and there are literally no confirmed relationships in jjk anywhere except for the people who are married (and those usually don't love each other). stsg have as much ground to stand on as Kirara/Hakari or Muta/Miwa. They are milking that money cow, but with the way it is handled in canon, it doesn't bother me much ignoring their fanbase.

Another aspect we see in stsg that also applies to how we see queerness in some of the villains is that their relationship (of whatever nature that might be) is there to humanize both Gojo and Geto. There is actually some meaning to it, not just shipper bait or an insane villain being gay and that being included as another aspect of him being reproachful like you see with many Disney villains. Geto's bond with Gojo (and his family) is portrayed as the last bits of sanity left in him and also any criticism you'd leverage against that could apply to Gojo as well, a main character.

Similar with the queerness of the other villains. It is either an unimportant detail of their identity or it is actively used to humanize them. Uraume's gender is purposefully unconfirmed, nobody even makes any assumptions and that fact is about as important as their hair colour. It's just part of their identity, nothing more. It is not portrayed as predatory or used for any "trap" jokes. At least not in canon, the fandom is its own beast and I think their behaviour comes from what they are used to seeing in other media not due to anything done in jjk.

Kashimo falls into the same category of unconfirmed gender. Fans and some fantranslators assume Kashimo is a man based on what they looked like in the past, but it is actually never confirmed in the manga. Neither Hakari or anyone else ever genders Kashimo. There being no assumptions made or their possible gender or androgynous appearance discussed. People just roll with it and it isn't made to stand out in the story. I don't think you can even call Kashimo a villain, more like an antagonist similar to Higuruma was one with selfish morality. Their gender or appearance doesn't play into that at all.

With Kenjaku I guess you could see them taking over Kaori as predatory towards Jin, but it is played different than the common tropes. For one, Jin is as it seems aware of the change, just chooses to ignore it. It isn't played as a "man tricked other man into sex" or "man disguised as a woman", in fact the story goes quite out of its way to state that Kenjaku isn't (cis) male actually. Both Wasuke and Jin address Kenjaku as a women, even when they have suspicions. Kaori stays in some form with Kenjaku, she isn't just a cheap disguise and pregnancy overall is an important topic for Kenjaku both in good and bad ways. When Kenjaku says "thank you for getting along with my son" it is the first big step towards giving Kenjaku more depth than just them being a big bad mastermind. Kenjaku cares in some way for their child and doesn't just see him as a test subject. So the time in Kaori's body clearly had value to them as well beyond just getting a vessel for Sukuna. Same goes for their meeting with Takaba for example, which is the biggest example we got so far of Kenjaku being proven to care about other people and gaining depth through it. Their relationship with Tengen could count as well.

So the queer aspects we got of Kenjaku are there, but they aren't shown in canon to be something strange, quite the opposite usually. I think you see it best when you compare Kenjaku to Orochimaru, who clearly, as stated by Gege too, is a big influence for the character. Orochimaru has the body of a woman in the first part of the series, takes over the bodies of children and shows interest in Sasuke that is often seen as gay. Orochimaru is portrayed as predatory particularly towards children/boys, a persistent stereotype of gay and/or effeminate men as well as trans people. When Orochimaru reveals in the fight against Hiruzen that he inhabits the body of a woman, the characters around are disgusted and not only because this means another person's body was violated, the uncertainty of Orochimaru's gender unsettles them. You see the same thing in Boruto. Multiple characters make mean or disgusted comments about Orochimaru because they can't tell their gender and the whole "are you a man or a woman, a father or a mother" gets pushed a lot, often used as a joke. Mitsuki is being supportive and corrects people, but that doesn't stop Orochimaru's gender being brought up almost every time they feature in the series. "omg I can't tell this person's gender this is so weird and creepy" don't you have more pressing concerns like the fetuses swimming in those tanks or the human cloning?

Compared to that, Kenjaku is handled much better. There is no weird fixation on children, they have only taken over adults from what we've seen so far (due to the size of their brain and it being a real organ I think that is even a necessity) and the bodies are also mainly there for practical needs, Kenjaku isn't shown lusting after them no matter the person's gender. Choso goes from assuming Kenjaku is Yuuji's father to calling them a parent. It isn't commented on, we just assume Tengen informed him. Kenjaku being revealed to be Yuuji's mother isn't shocking because "wtf that's a man in a woman's body", it is more so about the implications of them being related. It is also used to show that Kenjaku is actually not a cis man (everyone at that time even doubting Wasuke uses she/her naturally with Kenjaku not objecting to it despite not really pretending to be Kaori) and by being his mother they have a closer personal connection to Yuuji. The fandom usually puts more harmful tropes into this moment than there actually are in the manga. I'm pretty sure Yuuji was more concerned about Kenjaku actually being related to him than Kenjaku being his mother aka exhibiting a gender he might not have expected. The "my father is your mother that's so mind-boggling and weird" is something that only exists in fandom. I don't see a reason why Choso or Yuuji would care and everyone else even less.

Takaba putting Kenjaku in a nurse outfit is also only portrayed as another fun part of their shenanigans, being neither overly sexualized nor seen as off-putting or weird. I think it was actually put there because Gege wanted to emphasize once more that having a female body doesn't unsettle Kenjaku, they see it as normal. It is part of their identity, but that itself isn't the thing being made fun of, it's a joke about sexy nurses that's detrimental to Takaba if anything.

In the same way, Kenjaku being pregnant with Tengen isn't made a big deal either beyond what it means for the Culling Game or the merger. It isn't a strange pregnant man, just another instance of pregnancy symbolism in this manga where cursed wombs are quite a common thing. And Kenjaku's whole deal is motherhood, birth and pregnancy down to the choice of their name, which is derived from an ambiguously gendered or Virgin Mary-adjacent bodhisattva. These pregnancy themes are shown as both a good thing and a bad thing depending on the context and not on principle as disgusting or bad. Kenjaku's gender fluidity has thematic relevance, but it isn't mocked or portrayed as bad by itself.

Beyond Uraume, Kenjaku and maybe Geto depending on how you look at it, I don't think there are any other queer-coded villains? Mahito was a high school girl for a juju sanpo, but that episode was more wholesome if anything and I think it was just there to show his fluidity in sex and gender. Once again not mocked or brought up as a reason for why he's evil (she isn't even that evil in that high school AU).

So yeah, I don't see a problem here, I actually wish more mangas or animes would portray queer characters this way. Make sure villains aren't the only queer characters, don't make queerness their entire character trait and treat the characters with respect.

#asks #jujutsu kaisen

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ozimagines · 1 month

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The Trouble with Robson…

So… I’ve seen some discourse on this site about James Robson… and I want in lol.

I’ve got a lot of thoughts about this man, and based on everything I’ve read from other Oz fans, I might have an unpopular opinion.

Please don’t get me wrong! Season 2-Season 5 he was a tremendous piece of shit. Like in every way possible it is to be a piece of shit. But that said I have two points: 1) that’s what makes him an good CHARACTER, not a good person, and 2) a redemption arc doesn’t mean that person is automatically forgiven, but are going down a better path and MIGHT be forgiven for their actions at a later date. It is with this, your honor, that I submit that Robson’s redemption arc was actually one of the better plot lines in Oz. (Please don’t hate me lol)

Okay, so Robson season two, pretty easy to characterize. He’s a Nazi. He’s violent. He’s a rapist. Very easy to hate. Season three, he’s lieutenant to Vern Schillinger in the Aryan Brotherhood. He boxes and such. In season four, he’s a menace, coming into his own character. He threatens on his own and has his own plot lines now. Season five is more of the same, at first, he rapes Peter Schibetta, he tries to ruin Beecher’s life, etc. He commits one of the more heinous of his crimes in my book when he kills the young Muslim man in the store room. A long, drawn out process that James is smiling through. He LOVES violence. More than anything he seems like he was made for prison. Then he learns about his gums, makes racist remarks to the doctor, one thing leads to another, he has black man gums and gets kicked out of the brotherhood.

He’s destitute and alone, which is all he deserves. But even Kareem Said finds pity for him and says “God is trying to teach you something. Please be smart enough to learn.”. What can even God attempt to teach someone like James Robson? He does what he needs to survive. He joins Cutler and agrees to be his prag. Here’s where some views from other Oz fans and I start to diverge. You look at videos on YouTube, many of the comments you’ll find say “good, he deserved it.”. The best argument I heard for this was actually from Funky Frog Bait on YouTube talking about misgendering murderers. Many people misgendered the nonbinary Nashville shooter. Why would you respect the pronouns for a person that horrible? Because, as Funky Frog Bait said in their video, it revolves around your opinion of gender as a whole. If you can just revoke someone’s preferred pronouns when they’re bad people, how “bad” does a trans person have to be to not have their pronouns respected? People of differing “politics” (morals) say different things, but if we apply this argument to Robson’s situation, I think it has to do with one’s overall view of rape. How “bad” does someone have to be before being raped is considered a reasonable punishment? For me, it’s never. For me, just as in never revoking someone’s right to their preferred pronouns, I also think it’s never justifiable to rape someone. So, no, I don’t think Robson deserved to be raped, even though he was a serial rapist himself, because there’s no situation where I think rape is a justifiable response. People may disagree with me, but I think it’s a slippery slope when you can deem someone as deserving of rape.

We learn during this time, as he’s being beaten and abused sexually by Cutler, that James was beaten and abused by his father as a kid. He confirms that this occurred while he was only five years old. His first introduction to life and sex was violence. Maybe this gives you sympathy for him, as it did me, but maybe you say fuck him, it doesn’t excuse anything. But I don’t think that it was meant to be an excuse, I think it was meant to be an EXPLANATION. I think we were learning how he became James Robson of unit B, not justifying his actions as James Robson of unit B. He was a child and the person he was supposed to trust most in this world gave him very harsh lessons very early on: no one cares about you, and do what you need to do to survive. He becomes demure and pitiful in Sister Pete’s office. One line that stuck with me was “here I am, 35 years old and I have nowhere to run.”. He’s been running his whole life. Running away from an abusive father and running away from his own actions. “I shame to think of what I’ve done. Look on it again, I dare not.” Is Cutler’s line as MacBeth in the play. It is an apt line for James. He’s been running from his own actions for as long as he could remember. Like I said, none of this justifies the lives he’s ruined and taken, but it does explain the inter-workings of a character that was pretty static for four seasons. That he survives. He tells Sister Peter Marie that all he does is run from things. I truly believe that some of the reason he was able to be as ruthless as he was is because he doesn’t let himself think about his own actions.

Finally season 6! He kills Cutler with some kinky play, joins the brotherhood, and it seems like he’s back, right? Only when he sees his wife, we see some of the shame come back. Some of the embarrassment of being taken in that way. If he feels this way now, he felt this way for however long his dad was abusing him. He loses it with her for calling him a “cock sucker”, which CLEARLY he’s embarrassed/ashamed about. He hurts her, and immediately, instantly, feels bad about it. I love learning the morality of immoral characters. With everything he’s done, why was hurting his wife crossing a line? Because she trusts him, just like little James trusted his dad. I think, personally, that he sees himself as her personal protector. Since he couldn’t protect himself, he became the protector for her, and then for Vern, but James isn’t stupid enough to think Vern can’t take care of himself. I think hurting his wife tore him up so much because he remembers when he relied on his dad for everything, and his father took advantage of his state.

Then he finds out he has AIDS. He joins a support group for rape survivors. They talk about their experiences and James listens to all of them. He thanks them towards the end, saying it was good to “hear it from both sides” which we know is something he knew already since he was at least five. But hearing those stories, all of which are upsetting but some are straight gruesome, puts FORCES him to face his actions. He can’t run anymore, his lifestyle caught up with him. Am I saying he deserves AIDS? 🤷‍♀️ Chissà. Who’s to say? He has it though. There’s a deleted scene where he lets Clarence rape him (I understand “lets” and “rape” don’t make much sense together but I don’t think coerced consent is consent at all so it’s still assault), and it gives Clarence AIDS. Robson says something interesting, with his classic smile on his face. “Retribution. It’s all about retribution.”. That’s what Oz is about. Retribution. It should be about Rehabilitation, but it’s all about Retribution. This is where James’ story ends on the show. With him moving to unit F, the AIDS unit. Finally, even if only physically, is he forced to face his actions.

This is why I think his story was beautifully written. He’s just a meathead in the beginning, but we learn about his morality -because he does have a code, even if it’s not a good one-, his past, and his future. They took a character that was frankly very flat and gave us a wide enough view on his life and character to confuse our anger into sympathy into more anger and into sadness. I don’t know if anyone else felt this way but my heart just dropped when he mentioned his dad. James Robson never stood a chance. He was a monster in training since he was five. But no one deserves to be raped. (A good reference is Adam Gunzel who was a BIG prick… but never deserved that shit.) Anyway these are just some of my thoughts on one of the most interesting characters in Oz (to me at least) and gave us an actual character out of a plotless muscle man.

One thing I think we can all agree on:

Retribution. It’s all about retribution.

#hbo oz #James Robson #would love to hear other takes on this #I just had to add my two cents #I don’t think there’s anything wrong if you don’t feel badly for him #but I do #no kid deserves that

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roadhogsbigbelly · 4 months

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she did NOT say that fictional csa is fine though, that’s the thing that everyone is very expressly telling you. and IM not defending ““people who jack off to fictional children”” either, where the fuck are you getting that, do you just say this shit to every trans woman you see? you can’t argue by putting shit in people’s mouths. the “standards” you are describing are the same standards that the people you’re smearing agree with. im not saying its all or nothing at all, you just can’t take anything we’re saying seriously

when you read "stopping being mean to sex freaks who like ageplay and incest shipping" why do you think that suddenly stops at loliporn or fictional csa when that's part of the package? do you think "ageplay and incest shipping" only applied to game and thrones fanfiction and mild "daddy" play? like of course those posts saying "don't be say you love sex freaks if you don't include ALL sex freaks" is also including fictional csa, like fucking cailou porn or whatever. because the posts those are response to are like "stop being mean about people with weird fetishes that make you uncomfortable! (except fictional csa fuck you you can die)" if she's not supporting fictional csa great, but why did she reblog the fucking post than?

and again the fact that i criticized her has nothing to do with her being a trans woman, that didn't even cross my mind, and i've criticized cis men, cis women, trans men, non binary people and people of all genders and sexuality that have been dismissive of concerns over this shit. i've criticized cis women on twitter for publicly posting their weird underaged boy rape fantaties and i got accused of "hating women's fantasies", i've also critcized other cis gay men for drawing actual "toddlercon" and got accused of being a "pick me" gay, and other variations of "stop criticizing grown adults for what they do in private even if they post in publicly actually oops"

i don't actually care what people do in the privacy of their own homes, but the only reason people on tumblr make posts about how "you should stop being mean to people about their age play, incest porn" is because most people don't actually keep it private actually, or else other people wouldn't be seeing it and complain about it. like if you go into someone's dms or a locked private space to "out them" for being into scooby doo or even some actually more harmful fantasy than that's still kind of gross and intruding and they shouldn't do that, but if said person is doing it in a PUBLIC FORUM than yeah they're not above criticism because it's their own "private fantasies" when it's clearly not.

(and before you take words out of my mouth i am not inherently against public displays of sexuality or even kink, i don't think a child seeing a man in a pup mask and harness is going to tramatize them, i think they'll be fine, and in general i think try to hide the fact "sex" like. exists from children does not nothing to deter grooming and kind of causes it in some cases. i've seen people insisting that people who don't lock their nsfw twitter accounts of adults have regular but explicit sex that they're are personally grooming children who might have to figure out porn exists, and i think that's an unhealthy attitude to have. my point is more that the entire argument that noone can criticize or have a negative opinion on "ageplay" or "incest kink" because "it only exists between two private consenting adults" is just. not true.)

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ace-sher-bi-john · 2 months

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Info On My Identity:

Romantic - Pan Greyromantic and/or Cupioromantic, Romance Favorable

Greyromantic because while I can't really say for sure if I've ever experienced romantic attraction before, I have experienced crushes, or rather squishes, before. They could have been purely aesthetic or platonic attraction, I think my brain is like holding out hope that I might actually be able to experience romantic attraction. As amatonormative as it sounds. It's mostly because I'm going to attempt to seek out a romantic relationship someday once I've finally "got my life together" whatever that means, and I would feel super guilty for the person I date if there's zero romantic attraction there on my part...

Cupioromantic perfectly describes me, as I want to participate in romantic relationships and get married someday, despite experiencing little to no romantic attraction. The reason I haven't used this label until now is because I read that some people in the aromantic community don't like it as an identity label due to it technically describing a behavior that you can control (whether you get into romantic relationships or not) rather than a feeling that you can't control (whether you experience romantic attraction or not), and it's seen by some in the community as reinforcing amatonormativity. I didn't want to upset people if using cupioromantic was wrong. But it's not. Cupioromantic is a valid identity, if anyone needed to hear that. I will be using cupioromantic from here on out, along with the other labels I use.

Up until now, I've been using romance favorable to describe that sentiment. That still applies, I am a romantic, despite being aromantic. The aromantic only applies to the type of attraction I experience, and has nothing to do with my desires.

I also use pan to describe me on top of all that because the few times I've had squishes, I've had them on both men and women. It felt more like the "genderblind" version of pan attraction as it was more about thinking they were adorable and liking their personality without gender coming to the equation at all. Going by this logic, I feel like this could also apply to nonbinary, trans and cis people of all gender identities. It doesn't matter to my brain whatsoever.

Sexual - Asexual, Sex Averse/Sex Favorable (depends on the day)

I identify as asexual. Although whether I'm sex-averse or sex-favorable depends on how I'm feeling each day. Ever since I opened myself up to reading explicit fanfics my brain has become more open to the idea of at least giving sex a try. It still sounds a bit icky sensory wise, but I think that if I tried it with someone who I trusted to respect my boundaries, I would be comfortable with giving it a go. Obviously I won't try it if I'm not 100% comfortable. Although I do want to have kids one day, and this is the "cheapest" way to do it. I'm not affording adoption, sperm bank or test tube baby on a preschool teacher salary lol.

Gender - Genderfluid and depending on the day I identify as either woman or gendervoid. Sometimes I feel like both describe me at the same time.

I was assigned female at birth, and I still very much identify with being a girl. I love presenting in a feminine way, I love traditionally feminine things, feel most comfortable using she/her/hers pronouns and feel confident in my body. But I've always felt a slight detachment between myself and other women. Whenever issues affecting women come up, my brain would always think like "Oh that's not good, I'm sorry that's happening to them" as though it doesn't affect me, despite the fact that I'm a woman. I have almost a dissociation between women and me even though I belong to that group.

I really thought about gender identity to see if I identify with any of the other gender identities out there, and every time I've always come back from it with "Definitely still cisgender woman, but with a hint of nonbinary". I didn't identify with the nonbinary part of me because I didn't want to lie about my identity if I'm actually a cis girl. But then, when a transphobic classmate jokingly asked me what my pronouns were, I came to the realization that I don't really care. I will always be most comfortable with she/her, but they/them and he/him and even neopronouns don't feel wrong on me. They feel neutral. I wouldn't feel uncomfortable being referred to by any of them. After a bit more research, I found the agender identity and it certainly described me, but it didn't really feel quite right either. Then I found gendervoid and it felt perfect. Gendervoid and agender basically mean the same thing, not identifying with any gender identity and feeling like you don't have a gender. But gendervoid specifically describes feeling like there's a void where your gender identity should be. That describes the dissociation from any gender identity that I experience a lot of the time. But I still identify as a girl as well.

Genderfluid still doesn't feel quite right, but it does describe me feeling both identities together.

Anyway that is everything that you need to know about my identity for now. If anything about this changes, I will probably make another post explaining it :)

#lgbtq+#aromantic #aromanticism #asexual #asexuality #aroace #greyroace #cupioromantic #aroace experiences #gendervoid #genderfluid

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doki-doki-lesbians-club · 3 months

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as someone who’s entire poetry style is based on a mix of natsuki and yuri’s, PLEASE ANALYZE THE POEMS TOO! ANALYZE THE HELL OUT OF EVERYTHING!!

You had me at “poetry” 😊

Okay, everyone! In this post, we’ll be analyzing Natsuki’s poetry in Doki Doki Literature Club! because she’s gay and i can prove it dammit

Well only be going over the poems that have a profound affect on reading her character, namely “Amy Likes Spiders” and “I’ll Be Your Beach”, and maybe touching on “The Best Place in the World” if I feel like it by the end of the post.

(Links to read the poems for yourself!)

｢Amy Likes Spiders｣

Let’s talk spiders… er, poetry! So to summarize, we are introduced to a hypothetical character named Amy, who likes spiders. We are shown that she is a normal person with a normal life, except the narrator of the poem refuses to be friends with her because she likes spiders. Simple, right? Spiders are gross!

Well, not that simple. The climax of the piece is a stanza towards the end that reads: “It doesn’t matter if she has other hobbies. It doesn’t matter if she keeps it private. It doesn’t matter if it doesn’t hurt anyone.”

Oof, yikes, kinda harsh, don’t you think? It keeps going.

“It’s gross. She’s gross. The world is better off without spider lovers.

And I’m gonna tell everyone.”

Woahhh okay, took a bit of an intense turn from enjoying arachnids, huh?

This should be the first clue that the true meaning of the poem isn’t surface-level. Lines that seem intensely out of place or out of character are most likely intended to point you to a deeper content, such as I believe is happening here.

The entire poem, Natsuki has shown us in detail Amy, her life, and how this narrator treats her in response to her “liking spiders”. The narrator refuses to enjoy Amy’s singing, won’t let Amy touch her to help her when she’s hurt, and even fears that Amy might cause her friends to start liking spiders too.

So, what’s going on here? Why such a strong reaction to Amy’s interests? Well, this becomes more clear when reading with a queer lens.

Go through the entire poem (or at least the key parts) and replace “spiders” with “girls”. You get such lines as: “I tried not to let her touch me. She likes girls, so her hands are probably gross.”

“I always see her talking to people. She probably talks about girls. What if her friends start to like girls too?”

“It’s gross. She’s gross. The world is better off without girl lovers.”

Reads totally different, right? But it also makes a little more sense, doesn’t it?

In this context, Amy is a lesbian. Someone (the narrator) found out, and is being entirely homophobic about it, even if it doesn’t affect them at all. This makes the end of the poem more ominous and borderline horrifying.

“The world is better off without spider lovers.

And I’m gonna tell everyone.”

This can also be used to support a trans reading of Natsuki, as all of these same things can be applied to being transgender (though maybe in a more distantly metaphorical way than the easy spiders/girls swap).

Stylistically, it’s a very simple rhythm, no rhyme, with the repeating line “That’s why I’m not friends with her.” This simple repetition of pattern and phrase makes the changeup with “It doesn’t matter if…” all the more prominent, because it breaks that pattern.

｢I’ll Be Your Beach｣

Ahh the beach. Not my vacation of choice, but many find it refreshing, rejuvenating, and relaxing. That’s certainly what Natsuki seemed to have in mind for her poem she wrote from the one word prompt “beach”.

This piece is longer, though still keeps Natsuki’s tried-and-true simple format, four-line stanzas, and repetition not too dissimilar to common music patterns. The scene is of two people walking along a beach, basking in the warm sunlight, and letting the seawater wash their worries away. Natsuki can even be seen fantasizing about a kiss between these two~!

Though I don’t believe Natsuki to be the first person narrator of “Amy Likes Spiders”, I do think she is the narrator of this poem, as she then assumes the role of one of the two on the beach. Which means Natsuki is actually writing about her kissing this person! How intriguing~

Now, we are lead to believe in DDLC that the romantic poems written by Yuri and Natsuki are directed at the MC. However, that would be an odd assumption for this poem, given some of the things Natsuki mentions…

“Your mind is so full of troubles and fears” “The walls in your mind will melt away” “Let’s bury your heavy thoughts in the sand” “Wash your insecurities in the salty sea” “You’ll learn to love yourself again.”

By show of hands, how many of you lovely readers thought about MC when you read those lines? I hope none of you, because he doesn’t express these sentiments at all, let alone to Natsuki.

But how many of you maybe thought about Yuri? Or even Sayori? Ahh, a different story.

Natsuki is clearly imagining a time where she can comfort this person and remind them of “the reasons [they’re] wonderful” and even kiss them. This person clearly means a lot to Natsuki, and seeing them happier is obviously a goal. Now who does Natsuki say this is about explicitly…

Oh, of course, Yuri.

In Act 2, Natsuki gives MC a note that mentions she always wanted to be better friends with Yuri, and is concerned for her wellbeing (as we all were in Act 2). This seems to be a similar theme to the therapeutic scene in “I’ll Be Your Beach”, not to mention that the “beach” prompt was an assignment with Yuri! They were supposed to write from the same prompt, and Natsuki wrote this while Yuri wrote her poem, “Beach”. Wouldn’t it make sense that Natsuki might write some of these feelings she has for/about Yuri in a poem that was surely going to be read to her?

In conclusion, Natsuki’s simplistic style is excellent at throwing in emotional and/or sudden endings that really provoke thought about the poem itself, and its deeper meaning. This also allows for some thicker metaphors, since everything is encouraged to be taken at face value. I hope my breakdowns here have shown you just a little bit of a queer reading of Natsuki’s character through poetry! (Not to mention everything she does and says!)

I might add “The Best Place in the World” as a reblog later, Tumblr mobile is fucking with my formatting ahaha! Thanks for the ask~! I might do this for some of the other poems too if people are interested!

#doki doki lesbians club #mailbox #doki doki literature club #ddlc #ddlc natsuki #natsuki ddlc #ddlc poems

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celluloidbroomcloset · 8 days

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This is more general fic related, but I am curious what your take on it might be. I've enjoyed your thoughts on fanworks and this particular bugbear has been gnawing at me for years.

There's a trend in some fandoms to take a (usually) mlm relationship, both canon and fanon, and turn one party into a cisgender woman. A genderswap AU where both characters are cisgender women (or men, though I have yet to see this specific occurrence with wlw ships) or one comes out as trans are not the same thing as what I mean here. It would specifically be a cisgender woman, thereby turning a queer relationship cishet.

It was popular in the Gotham tv series fandom to turn the canonically queer Oswald Cobblepot into a straight woman and then ship her with Oswald's canon love interest, Edward Nygma*. It was also always Oswald who got this treatment, never Edward. To me, this reads as "straightwashing" a queer relationship to make it more palatable, as though they enjoy the canon dynamic but dislike the fact that it is queer. So they turn one half of the pair into a woman.

So at the end of all that explanation my question is, what do you think of this occurrence? Am I wrong in thinking it happens because someone doesn't like the queerness of some ships?

Also, I am glad to say that I have yet to see this turn up in OFMD fanworks. There are plenty of genderswaps and trans headcanons, which I welcome gladly, but thankfully I have not seen Stede as a cishet woman and Ed as her equally cishet boyfriend...yet.

*Oswald/Edward is canon, though it was only confirmed as romantic on Oswald's part, making him at least canonically queer. Edward's sexuality and the nature of his feelings for Oswald were left open to interpretation.

So I haven't seen this particular thing in action, as my fandoms are generally relegated to OFMD, The Avengers (UK) (very cis het but quite kinky couples), and a bit of Good Omens. So I'm taking this as it's offered and assuming that what is being described here is accurate.

Fandom, and especially shipping fandom, trends female and cisgender (and white, but that doesn't seem to be the thing at issue here). This varies from fandom to fandom, of course, but that's a general trend. It's often hard to really get down to demographics on who ships what and how, in part because a lot of fandom is anonymous and based on people deciding to disclose gender/race/sexuality/etc.

What is being described above does read to me like straightwashing a gay couple/ship to an author's preferences, for whatever reason. This could just be personal desires or interest in dynamics, but it does have the effect of taking a semi-canon queer couple and turning them cishet for the sake of...something. Hard not to see something at least a little problematic going on there.

I think that there may be a bit of self-insert going on, as well, and this is where we get into that problem of cis women placing themselves into gay male ships. This gets into what I would call a porn aesthetic from the perspective of a cis woman - fantasizing about being with/being part of a gay male couple. We gotta be careful there because female fans tend to get marginalized for shipping two male characters together and are often accused of fetishizing gay men, and of course this is all fantasy anyway. But while I do not at all think that the majority of fandom shipping is fetishization, there are times when it does cross over into that and should be considered and interrogated a bit more. I wouldn't apply a blanket statement to it, but consider the media itself, what is canon/what isn't canon, and what the goal is of an individual author/artist/fan. There's nothing really wrong with self-insert, but it does become something we should think about in context of the specific media involved.

(I'm very much someone who believes that fic/art is fair game and that it should not be censored in any way, but also that all fic/art can be critiqued in the same way anything else can, and indeed should be. No art can develop if we're not allowed to critique it.)

#reply #trying to be careful in my response here #but i'm happy to hear other viewpoints

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swaglet · 14 days

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hi ms. tommy i think you are so cool, i love seeing more folks who say they aren't cis or trans bc i often really relate to that!! could u talk some more about how you're neither? for me i'm detrans and i don't think gender should rule anyone's life, like i think outside of amab/afab body types and stupid misogyny ruining things we're all just human beings. and i don't feel "binary" or whatever, but nonbinary seems meaningless too... i'm personally a (gnc) woman like i'm a female cat, i want to be seen as a cat not as female unless it's relevant, if that makes sense?? idk i'm curious abt ur experiences!!

i know exactly what u mean by the cat comparison. when people look at a cat they see a cat, regardless of whether the cat is male or female. like. u don't see a male cat and be like "here tommy tommy!"/"here gibby gibby!" and same goes for female cats like u dont say "psps come here queenie"/"come here molly molly" ..... you go "here kitty kitty :)" because it's just a cat. u want to be seen as a person not as a Woman Human or a Man Human and the (regressive) connotations that come along with both.

where most people will see a cat and think "look at that cat", it isnt the same when they see a woman and go "look at that person". its like... "look at that woman". idk. i identified as trans in some capacity for legit just over 10 years but no matter what, my life was dictated by the fact that the attribute of Woman/Girl was always noticed and applied to me before the attribute of Human Person if that makes sense. people really do see women and men as wildly different "types" of human people.

even tho i identified as trans for a majority of my life i still never considered myself biologically male because i feel like that would be silly. ive always been very passionate about speaking out about sexism even as a kid and it was just common sense to me that even though i identified as a boy (or as a nonbinary person) it was still extremely important that i am of the female sex. because i was born female, i am impacted by misogyny + have been impacted by misogyny for all my life + will continue to be impacted by misogyny for all my life, and transitioning won't ever change that.

i stopped outwardly identifying with any gender identity label (whether it was trans boy/man, transmasc, nonbinary, etc) when i came across the question "why do you want to be 'just a person' instead of a woman? is a woman not 'just a person?'" and that's when it all clicked. regardless of what i decided to call myself it would never affect the reality of my biological sex. i could shave off all my hair and get really jacked and dress in men's clothes for the rest of my life and grow a beard but none of that would change the fact that biologically, i am a woman, because a woman can be anybody. i still like to joke about how i'm like a woman if she was a man.

a lot of my issues i had as a kid that led me to feel dysphoria is that i never related to other girls. i was never overtly NLOG about it but i felt like an alien and like i was "born wrong" because almost every other girl or woman i came across in my life was feminine to some degree, i didn't meet another ssa woman until i was 13 and i was lonely and thought i was broken for being that way. it's like i felt like i didn't understand why femininity and the performance came so easy to everyone else and why i hated everything about it with my entire heart and mind and soul and body. but as i grew up and branched out i realized femininity isnt what defines "being a woman" and that femininity and masculinity in general are just made up concepts that are really harmful and designed to keep the status quo. i was never broken for being unable to perform or understand femininity i was just a bisexual little autistic kid.

if there were no gender stereotypes i never would have felt that way. if i had role models of gnc people and friends who were gnc. literally the only person in my life to tell me that it was ok to be "boyish" and like "boy things" was my mom and that's only after i wasn't cooperating with being feminized and she realized there are no "boy things" or "girl things" at all.

i'm similar to you in the sense that i'm detrans (only a very brief start to medical transition tho) and i feel like it's important to be honest about that. i talk about it openly in my life and reference my old names and stuff and joke about it. i just am in a different place and different mindset now; i don't have to change my body or my sex just to dress or act in a way that isn't feminine/expected of me. i can do whatever i want.

mostly i'm "neither cis nor trans" bcos i don't think 'cis' is a thing (no one "identifies" with their birth sex they just are their birth sex...) and i don't consider myself trans because i just straight up don't have a gender identity. i'm whatever. anyone can call me whatever. and i'm okay with anyone calling me whatever because it doesn't affect the fact that in reality i'm female. i'm still dysphoric and am diagnosed with it and all but i just don't think about it because i have better things to worry about and don't want to obsess over whether i'm correctly performing one sexist stereotype over another. i just want to be me and let other people know they can be them.

gender is not real it's a set of boxes constructed to oppress and control us. basically i just decided i will not be playing along at all since it is not real. u know what IS real though? my fucking period and pmdd and access to abortion and things that only affect me and other people born female. liberating us from sex based oppression is literally the only thing i care about

idk why saying stuff like this makes people upset. none of what i just said makes me a hater of trans people. they can do whatever they want. 2 of my 3 best friends in my friend group identify as trans and they know exactly what i think and they feel the same way, they just identify differently than me, and thats fine i legit dgaf. ive been there. i get it

i hope this resonated with u and thank u so much for asking 🫶🏻 u can always send more asks or message me if u want to talk, this goes for anyone and everyone

#>#askbox

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transmascresourcenetwork · 2 years

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The impacts of greater social issues on trans communities are almost always written off as being our own fault, and that's what I see with what's happening now. I think a lot of what we're getting hung up on with discourse about transmisogyny and transandrophobia is the focus on facing different issues entirely, when I think we really need to be discussing the different ways our communities are impacted by the same issues- and in general, the overarching issue of transphobia as a whole. (Plus, at times it's a pretty binary "men vs. women" style conversation.)

As a really minor example, just to apply the principle to a simple concept, I always think of the way drinking water is held up as if it's the ultimate form of self-care. It can be really hard for trans people to stay hydrated and drink lots of water out in public when we know we may not have a safe bathroom to enter, or if we know we'll have to use the wrong one. Drinking stuff makes you pee. That's just a fact of life. And I know I personally spent the entirety of high school not drinking anything for 8+ hours in a day so I wouldn't have to use a public bathroom. Trans people have this problem regardless of gender- a lot of us don't drink enough water because we don't like having to use the bathroom.

When it comes to transmascs, this issue is almost always presented in one very specific way. It's treated as though transmascs and trans men are just generally neglectful of our bodies, and that we become dehydrated solely because we're not bothering not to. The trope of the "gross lazy transmasc" who doesn't practice self-care itself falls victim to this phenomenon. In many instances, the things we're seen as lazy or immature for are outcomes of transphobia and/or dysphoria. Yes, oftentimes we will avoid drinking water in situations where we really ought to. But perhaps trans people would feel more comfortable keeping ourselves hydrated if we felt comfortable entering the bathroom in the first place. We may not be as prone to dehydrating if we weren't so expected to cover our bodies in fear at all times.

Again, this is an extremely minor example just for explanation's sake, but even this small thing is an issue that affects all trans people in different ways. Usually, whenever transfeminine people are lacking in any area of self-care, they are shamed for failing to uphold stereotypical femininity. Cis people, especially transphobic ones, have a tendency to identify every trans person they see as either masc-aligned or fem-aligned, so anyone who is not transmasc or transfem is shafted from the conversation entirely. These are issues we all face. But they are issues we all face differently. All of our voices have to be heard in these conversations, or we aren't getting a full scope of the problem.

Obviously, there are problems trans women face that trans men do not face. There are problems trans men face that trans women do not face. There are even problems people with certain nonbinary genders face that people with other nonbinary genders don't face. In the grand scheme of things, though, we are all dealing with transphobia. It is harming, traumatizing, and yes, even killing all of us. I say this as a victim of transphobic violence myself. I have survived, but others haven't been so lucky. The idea that trans men and transmascs are not killed in transphobic attacks is so unbelievably disrespectful to the memory of those who we have lost. Trans people- no matter our gender- are dying because of transphobia every day. And none of the arguing we can do matters more than making sure it stops happening.

#trans man #transmasc #transandrophobia #ftm

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whimsical-westbrook · 10 months

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Okay yep yeah mhm okay I have woken up twice now to this being real. I'm going to make an intro post to get used to writing with a stylus and without thumbs.

Hello, my name is Lily Westbrook. Hopefully. I don't know how this works. I definitely still go by she/her.

I used to live in Eterna City. I wanted to meet my first ever pokemon buddy, so I went into Eterna Forest last night. Something happened, and I think someone had my phone while I was out?

If I take a photo maybe y'all will believe me, but I'm a Buizel now. Hold on, maybe I ca

[An image is attached.]

[Image ID: A poorly angled selfie of a Buizel, wearing a flower accessory. The Eterna Forest's Old Chateau can be seen in the background.]

n add a photo oh gods why did it put it in the middle like that I'm not fixing that

I still don't know why all my writing is orange. Is it because I'm a pokemon now? Is my phone playing pranks on me is that a thing that can happen

UPDATE: Turns out I'm a girl buizel and this was the best worst thing to ever happen to me. I still don't know if anyone in Eterna City will be able to figure out what happened to me, or if they'll even believe me, but I just. I'm so happy, guys.

Double UPDATE: I kinda feel like how I feel about life is going to keep drifting away from the tone of my original intro post but like. It feels weird to make a new one so I'mma just... leave it like that I think. For now. Important note: I'm no longer in Eterna, but headed to live in Goldenrod.

Triple UPDATE: I was able to figure out why my text was getting orange'd, and also was told that it was messing with some people's ability to read things I wrote, so I was able to apply that fix to the text. Though uhhh. I'm still leaving that mess in there. It's funny to me.

//OOC under the cut

//Hello! This is Astra (she/they) from my main (NSFW) @astralikacastle. This is a character I've had in my head for a long time, though my kinda fucked up brain doesn't quite know where to take it after the prologue.

//But basically, forever in my head I've had 'what if someone got turned into a pokemon and they had to deal with that and how it made them feel about gender' and now it's here. =3

//I do prommy to try to keep this blog as SFW as possible, though where the line between Mildly Suggestive and NSFW lies isn't always the same for everyone (especially with how Tumblr's been treatin' trans folk lately) so I'm not making guarantees, just promises to try.

//I should like. Keep track of Lily's 'inventory' huh

Lily's old human clothes

Buizel-sized Ballgown

Comm-Everstone Choker (See Below) (Worn)

Phone (obviously)

Book about Legendaries for Studying

Flexi-grip phone tripod

Poffins and berries

Trans flag bandana (Worn)

Hoopa-Ring-Alike Bracelets (Worn)

Thigh-highs (didn't decide on a pattern for these oops) (Worn)

Lily-flower pin (Worn)

Pink Ribbon (Worn under above pin)

Sunglasses! B3

Sylvie (Sylveon Plush)

Toki (Togekiss Plush)

Blahåj (Blahåj)

6" Buizel Plush!

JigglypuffPikachu Hybrid Plush!?

Large pink bag (where plush friends live) w/ Waterproofing

Waterproof Backpack (Where non-plush non-worn items live)

Wheely-Cart (Where everything rides on) w/ Floaty

Weighted Blanket

Keychains (Mew, Meloetta, Hoopa, Victini, Celebi, Darkrai, lotus)

Box o' Buizelnip (Lovingly referred to as Bui-Weed)

Always kept in Lily's room at Gen's home:

Figurine of Lily and Gen

Buizel-sized Piano

//And her moveset!

Protect

Agility

Water Gun

Surf

Baton Pass

Rain Dance

Aqua Jet

Aqua Ring [Glitch?]

Thief

Minimize [Glitch!]

ABILITY: Rattled

//What is the Comm-Everstone?

The Comm-Everstone is an Everstone, small enough to act as the 'gem' of a choker, and enchanted by Laplace to duplicate the effects of a sci-fi Translator. The stone translates Lily's buizel-chitter Poke-Speech and emits an ethereal voice that repeats her words in Human Speech. Whichever voice the listener best understands is brought to the forefront of their perception, preventing any 'cross-talk' from obscuring her words. Notably, it is still quite obvious to the listener that these words are being translated, and not simply Imparting Understanding. (Though, it being magic may be a little unsettling, still.)

#pokeblogging intro post #//I legit don't know what to tag this hahaa #//also I was legit about not knowing what else to put on this post for info!#//I remembered to update this a few times!#//now including readable text!

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modify-and-sever · 5 months

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On Aromanticism, Youth, and Growth

Though, I suppose this applies to asexuals, too. Just know that I'm speaking specifically from the aro perspective. I'm new here - be nice to me 😭

Today, I came to the (honestly, long overdue) realization that I am aromantic. Upon many sleepless nights, fitful daydreams which all ended the same way - "You don't have to think about that right now" - I realized that perhaps I want to think about it, and I did.

I am also a very young adult.

I am certain that there is much discussion on the idea of "growing out of" being aro or ace or anything in between (in fact, I know there is, I've seen it from the outside, pawing at the windows of the aspec community that I wouldn't let myself touch for so long), but I guess I just. Want to talk about it, too.

For months (let's be honest, years), the main, big thing keeping me from the wider aspec community was my youth. Adults and well meaning peer-age friends told me with certainty that it's normal to not feel romantic attraction until you're older, it's normal to not want to date, or to settle down, until you're older. But there's always that caveat.

Until you're older.

And that always had me wondering - how old to I have to be to be allowed to opt out? 20? No, far too young. 25? Maybe you'll see some prospects when you're older? 30? Maybe.

They act as if I'm in a race to end my social life as I know it, like I'm ruining something if I "decide" too early. Decide what? Not to date people? Does every non-partnered person on earth wake up with the conscious decision not to be dating anyone? Am I expected to always be available for that kind of relationship?

I find this experience has a lot of overlap with other queer identities - which sucks for me because I guess I have three of them now. Gay people are told "maybe you haven't found the right opposite gender partner yet," trans people are told "you might regret changing your body eventually," and aspec people are told not to "limit themselves." But really... I'm not?

I want to have deep, meaningful relationships with people. I want to have sex. I want to go out with people in the way people who are "dating" might. I want to have these experiences, but I don't want a partner. And if that's "limiting," then maybe I don't want to have those experiences with people who expect more than that out of me, anyway.

But the real point is, and this is applicable to any identity, who cares if I'm "wrong?"

What harm is done if I decide this feels right for me now, and later it doesn't? What happens then? Nothing. Nothing happens. In fact, the only thing that does happen is that once the label stops fitting, I'll know for certain that it doesn't, because I spoke to and related to a thriving and supportive community about these shared feelings instead of forcing myself to "grow out" of them.

Maybe in a year, maybe in ten years, I'll feel differently. Maybe by then I'll want to settle down with someone. But I don't live ten years from now. I don't even live a year from now. I live in the same time as the rest of the world, so what's the harm in being who I am for now?

#kind of rambly but i hope this resonates with someone #just some disjointed thoughts irt my sexuality and sudden epiphanies #aromantic #aro #aspec #queer #lgbtq #lgbtqia

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goldmanguyperson · 6 months

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before almost every single identity thing i find out does apply to me, i have a period of really liking it. a period of thinking “wow thats really cool” or “wow thats really interesting”.

when i was a kid i was almost jealous of autistic people for being autistic because i wanted to be able to do the things that were seen as autistic. later, like about 6 years later, it turned out that i am autistic. I only found out via diagnosis.

Before i realized i was trans i was really interested in gay dudes. then i was trans and gay. (though at first i was insanely stupid and was like “well i cant call myself gay cuz im pre surgery and hormones” thats bs)

before i realized i was nonhuman i thought therians were so cool. i thought the ability to self-express like that was amazing. The bravery of saying “yes. i am an animal” was aspirational to me. It was so liberating to realize that i was also like that.

before i realized i was plural i was almost jealous of plurality. I wanted to be able to describe myself as plural. i wanted to have headmates because i was so scared all by myself. It turned out they were already there and i just did not allow myself to realize because society is so singlet-centric. it turned out to be something i definitely needed.

people can be very harsh on people who are interested in identities (supposedly) not their own but often that is the first step in discovery. They are often interested because, whether they know it or not, they are it. In every case this happened to me i only did not realize at first because 1. i struggle to recognize my emotions and the things happening in my brain. just in general and 2. it turned out each time i realized i was of that identity, my experience was always a little different from what was expected of people with the identity.

I’m autistic. but i meltdown internally. my autism presents in a way considered more “feminine”. i was diagnosed with adhd first and attributed a lot of things to adhd and adhd alone, which could be true, but like, autism’s definitely there too. I masked because i had no idea that wasn’t really normal to have to do. i was able to keep myself “under control”. but it was unhealthy for me.

I’m a trans man. and i like a lot of “hypermasculine” things. People tend to ignore and sideline people like me because we are seen as scarier. less soft and less easy to understand in terms of standard societal roles of what a woman should be. Unfortunately people like me come off more threatening to many people.

I’m a shapeshifter. Sometimes I’m more solidly one thing—sometimes i am just an eagle. sometimes i am a machine. but shapeshifter is my most overarching nonhuman identity. I was confused by all the “finding your theriotype” kind of stuff. i did not consider i could be more than one thing because id never seen it. I know for a fact that i knew what i was already, so i found the idea of trying to research and find what i was kind of ridiculous, and just struggled to understand what what i knew of myself meant and what i could call it.

I’m a median system. my headmates are not there always, and sometimes we are one, sometimes they fuse, sometimes only some of us fuse. We don’t have amnesia. we don’t switch. so far, almost every time someone else tries to front it just fails. They have to speak through me more often than not. It makes it confusing to understand what is me and what is them, and sometimes that isn’t even a question that matters.

Everybody has their own journey and their own experiences. Don’t call people fake just for being different. It would be better if we made it clear that identity labels are just that: labels. they mean so much because they describe a reality. and reality is never really the same between two people.

#otherkin #therian #alterhuman #plurality #queer #transgender #shut up! the eagle’s talking!

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worms-in-my-brain · 6 months

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Posts that point out that we’re (with ‘we’ being an array of potential minority groups) all the same to them (with ‘them’ being whatever majority group complements it) are good and make a good point, but I feel like they’re missing something.

I’m going to use trans people as an example because it makes it more clear, but this also applies to other groups (and I’ll elaborate at the end). So take, for example, someone saying that all trans people are the same in the eyes of a transphobe.

The thing I feel is missing, is, well… there is a difference, even to them. If there was literally no difference, then people wouldn’t be able to be, in line with my example, transmeds, because bigots wouldn’t even offer them conditional ‘acceptance.’

There is also going to be a difference between a nonbinary trans person who doesn’t have dysphoria and presents in line with what is expected of their AGAB and is comfortable in spaces that match what was put on their birth certificate and a binary trans person who is incredibly dysphoric and is medically transitioning. Because the truth is that, even though both are trans, if a law were to be passed that banned transition, one of the two is going to be more impacted. You don’t need dysphoria to be trans, but trans people with dysphoria, especially severe dysphoria, know that it can be incredibly debilitating if left untreated.

There is privilege in being a cis-passing gender-conforming binary trans person. If someone is able to renounce their community without being immediately forced back in by bigots, it’s a privilege.

I’m more hesitant to call the second situation a privilege because, well, it’s not really a privilege to have your identify erased. But, realistically, it’s at least a situational advantage that means that, sometimes, treatment of them versus someone else in the same minority group will differ.

I’ve also seen this happen in disability spaces—it being said to people with less severe disabilities who lick the boots of abled people.

I guess it bothers me a little bit because I feel like it erases people’s experiences? Like when I read stuff like that all I can think is, okay, then why do I have to live hiding parts of myself from my parents because I know they only would accept me as one gender? How is it fair to say that all disabled people are the same to ableists when people with higher support needs and severe disabilities face ableism every day, sometimes even from the same people who would only notice me on days I need my cane? That someone with depression is the same to a saneist as me with OSDD and ASPD? That I’m the same to a saneist as someone with schizophrenia and NPD?

I know I’m overthinking it and it’s probably not that deep but I kinda just wanted to just get my thoughts down, since it’s something that bothers me sometimes.

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