#they've been pining for each other for millions of years
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Mirror, Mirror | One
Please do not copy, repost, or translate my work anywhere else.
Pairing: Wanda Maximoff x Fem!Reader
Summary: The thought of something more had never really crossed Wanda's mind when it came to you. Best friends for 10 years and there hasn't even been one instance of accidental sexual tension. You're her best friend, that's all—until someone points out that you obviously have a very specific type when it comes to dating.
Warnings: best friends to lovers. shenanigans. jealousy, jealousy. sexual tension. pining. yearning. sexual thoughts. spicy (tumblr's version). stupid steve. neurotic nat. brat & stinky. bug as in shutterbug.
*explicit version will only be available on Ao3 & will be posted there after series is completed*
Note: i'm back!!! Nothing like coming back and posting a mini series. Enjoy this superior trope. Updates will be on Tuesdays! As you can see, we're trying something new with explicit content lol 😬
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It's strange how sometimes a single sentence can change someone's entire life.
Wanda's thought about what sentences could change her life—usually, they're morbid and depressing.
'You have cancer.'
'Someone you love has died horrifically in an accident.'
'Your cat actually finds living with you miserable and would prefer the dangers of living in the streets.'
Never in a million years would Wanda ever think it'd be, 'Hey, have you ever noticed how your best friend exclusively only dates girls who look like you?'
And don't get Wanda wrong. It wasn't a morbid or depressing change; it was just...a change. An irrevocable change because now, Wanda couldn't stop thinking about it or noticing it.
This was all Steve's fault.
Because if someone like Stupid Steve could notice something like that, it had to mean something, right? But as Wanda remembers about the past girls you've hooked up with and brought around, she doesn't know what to make of it.
A part of Wanda wishes she had never talked to Steve that night at the bar.
"Where's Vis?" Steve asked, looking around.
"With Tony playing pool, I think," Wanda shrugged. She doesn't particularly keep track of where her on-and-off boyfriend goes. She thinks they might be on an off-period right now, anyway.
"And where's—oh, nevermind, there she is," Steve started to say but cut off when they both saw you across the bar talking with the bartender, flirting over drinks—which were probably free if Wanda could guess.
Wanda's slightly annoyed because it's been a long week without seeing you, and Wanda's been used to seeing you almost every day for the past several years of her life. But you've been gone on a work trip this week for a wedding shoot and only came home just a little after lunch and needed an immediate long nap before tonight's get-together.
That meant Wanda was sorely missing out on best-friend time, and now you were off flirting shamelessly with the hot bartender. Wanda's rooting for you, make no mistake. The bartender is definitely easy on the eyes, luscious hair, and lips—something Wanda knows you're weak for.
Plus, Wanda's worried you're not anywhere near getting close to settling down. She wants you to be in a happy, fulfilling relationship. But she supposes she's in no position to talk herself.
Wanda loves Vision without a doubt, but their relationship is definitely chaotic, and Vision keeps pushing for something more serious now that they've been dating (sporadically) for a long time. She's been considering it in her downtime and thinks it might make sense as the next step.
Best friends do everything together, right? So, maybe if Wanda decided to take the next step in a serious relationship, you'd find someone to commit to seriously as well.
Then, both of you could get married at the same time. Then, they could buy a house in the same neighborhood right next to each other. There'd be endless double dates and vacations together. Wanda wouldn't have to miss you.
But first, Wanda needed to regain lost best-friend time, one-on-one style.
"Hey, you know what I just noticed?" Steve said, breaking Wanda's drifting thoughts.
"What?"
"Bug—"
Wanda makes a face at your nickname. Granted, it was Wanda's fault you ended up with it back in your first year of university. You never let her forget it, especially now that you're a professional photographer.
"—over there has a very specific type she goes after for girls," Steve mused, sipping his whiskey before continuing. "I mean, they always have green eyes and brunette—wait, that's not true. She had two red-headed girlfriends in our last year of university. They still had green eyes, though."
"Oh," Wanda said, unsure what to say since she's never paid attention to the girls you were dating. On average, they were a brief fling, and only a few lasted longer than half a year. "I guess so?"
Wanda distantly thinks about how she dyed her hair auburn in her last year of university because she was looking for a change that year and Natasha was insistent that she'd look amazing. Wanda recalls you were a fan of the look.
"Yeah," Steve nodded along. "Ironically, they always look like you in some way. Check out that bartender now—long, wavy-haired brunette with green eyes. She's got thick, long lips and even does that dark eye-shadow makeup thingy like you."
Steve just laughed it off, finishing his drink, thinking nothing more of it before he started talking about Bucky.
But it was like something clicked into place in Wanda's brain. A daunting realization that she was wholly unprepared for and not equipped to do anything about.
Wanda watched as the bartender clocked off for the night and dragged you into a corner booth, drinks in hand. It gave Wanda the perfect view that the bartender wore many rings just like she did.
In the poor privacy of the dimly lit corner booth, there was a staunch and needy kiss from the two of you, and Wanda swallowed roughly.
From here, if you were none the wiser, Wanda could be easily mistaken for the girl in the booth with you.
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Sometimes, Wanda believes she's just being absolutely ridiculous. So what if you go after girls who share the same features as her? That didn't have to mean anything. You've always told Wanda she was beautiful, and it was perfect how you said it.
It didn't feel insincere or creepy. It felt good to know her best friend thought she was absolutely gorgeous. But just because you thought she was beautiful doesn't mean you harbored secret feelings for her.
You'd be insulted if you knew Wanda had ever thought that. She'd just be another one of those girls Wanda's seen you humble on multiple occasions when they found out you dated women, and they were worried you might have a crush on them.
But then, Wanda couldn't stop thinking she actually might be one of those girls because then she'd think about if you didn't consider her like that, it wasn't about her looks but something about her personality that wasn't your type.
And what could that be?
Wanda thought long and hard, trying to remember the girls you've introduced her to.
Sometimes they were funny, and Wanda was funny. She made you laugh all the time. She specifically remembered one time in high school when she made you laugh so hard you peed your pants just a little.
Sometimes they were intellectual, and while Wanda didn't have an IQ of 160, she did fairly well academically and was on the right track in her career.
Sometimes they were charming, and Wanda was the type where she got more charming the more you got to know her.
So, Wanda just doesn't understand. She's nowhere further with her thinking ever since this weird information has been bestowed upon her.
Maybe it all just means nothing. You just didn't feel that way about Wanda despite the type of girls you dated suggesting otherwise. You didn't need a reason for it, and maybe the fact you only felt friendship for her was the reason.
"Wanna order pizza in tonight?"
Wanda turns her head from the tv and notices you've put your book down. "Hm, not really. We had pizza last week," Wanda shakes her head.
"How about that Greek place that just opened up on Willington Ave?" You suggest. "Pretty sure I heard you grumbling about wanting Greek food earlier this week."
"I was not grumbling!" Wanda scoffs but smiles when you raise your eyebrow at her. "Okay, I was grumbling a little."
You snicker as you pull out your phone to order delivery. "Oh, sweet golden best friend of mine, whatever shall you do when you get married to Vis, who hates Greek food. Do I foresee a life of Greekless cuisine? Oh, the suffering you'll go through!"
"I don't need him to like it," Wanda slaps your arm, sticking her tongue out before she cuddles you. "I have you to eat it with."
You laugh unabashedly, a sound that Wanda's accustomed to hearing the joyful sound. "Better hope the person I marry also hates Greek cuisine. I don't know if I can live a life of eating double the Greek food. I love tzatziki sauce, but if I grow to hate it from eating it too much, I will make you suffer the consequences of that."
Your voice trails off as you focus on ordering food, unable to see the cogs in Wanda's head turning.
It's all so easy. There's no tension, no electric vibes happening. Just best friends enjoying the banter and making plans to eat.
It was all in Wanda's head, right? You're her best friend, so of course you'd know everything about her.
The right type of friendship is fulfilling and soul-connecting, and that's what Wanda has with you. When you have a one-in-a-million connection like that, the line between friendship and romance is thin, isn't it?
Wanda hates Steve. She'd never think about this if it wasn't for Stupid Steve. She can hear his dumb laugh, blissfully ignorant about the observation bomb he dropped upon her.
"Do you wanna get ice cream after?" You ask, throwing your phone to the side. "I'll even treat you to the gelato despite knowing I'm going to suffer through your crazy farts later."
"Oh my god, I'm going to trap you under the blanket with it just for that!"
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Within two months, Wanda forgets about it. Forgets, as in that she decides to drop it (let it linger in the deep depths of her brain that she refuses to acknowledge), and resolves that Steve has no brain cells and has no idea what he's saying.
"Have you seen my strapless black top?" Wanda shouts from her room with the door open. "The one with the v-shaped front!"
"In your closet!" You yelled back from the living room, not taking your eyes off your phone.
"I can't find it," Wanda whines, and she hears you sigh as you get up. The footsteps approach her room, and she finds you standing at the door with an unimpressed look.
"I don't want to hear it," Wanda sniffs.
"Hear what, brat?" You say with a brow raised before you start rummaging through her closet. The nickname was a joke you started that Wanda was entirely a spoiled person, exhibiting bratty behavior at times. "That I'm not gonna be your roommate forever, so you need to learn to fold it yourself before putting it away?"
Wanda makes grumbling noises that are mostly nonsensical but smiles when you pull out the top she was looking for.
"You are the apple of my eye, stinky," Wanda grabs the top from you before she runs into her washroom to briefly change into it.
"A match made in heaven, yeah, yeah," you roll your eyes with good humor. "Hurry up, Natasha will kill us if we're late for Yelena's birthday. They're on an upwards mend in their relationship, so she's been so unbearably uptight lately to make sure nothing goes wrong."
"I know, I know," Wanda mutters, carefully pulling the top over her head to not ruin her makeup.
"Alright, I'll hail us a cab, meet me outside."
"Wait, wait!" Wanda calls out. "I need help putting on my necklace."
You chuckle, walking back just as Wanda steps out of the bathroom with the delicate necklace she wants to wear.
"Alright, alright, relax," you tell her. "Your accent gets really strong when you're stressed."
"You're stressing me out by rushing me," Wanda scrunches her nose even though you can't see it. "I'm also stressed knowing that you have to rush me, or I'll spend the party getting lectured by Natasha."
Wanda's voice comes out husked with the accent, something she's struggled between hating or loving, but mostly loving since you've expressed how lovely it is.
You grab the necklace from her hand, and Wanda moves her hair out of the way. The routine of it all starts to bleed the tension out of her shoulders.
Then, that horrible Stupid Steve Sentence kicks into her brain.
It's only as you put your arms over, placing the necklace against Wanda's chest, and focusing on trying to get the clasp in. Wanda can feel your warm breath against her neck, summoning goosebumps along her arms. You're so close, and she can feel the heat of your body radiating onto her, your fingers just barely brushing against her.
The tension comes suddenly, squeezing inside her chest as her breathing slows and shakes. Her body warms in an unexpected way.
"Ah, got it," you say, but Wanda can only focus on your voice and breath on the shell of her ear. "Cute necklace but the clasp is so annoying."
You pull away and start walking off. "C'mon, I bet if we tip our taxi driver an extra $20 bucks, they'll speed and we can pray we're on time."
Wanda's left standing there, knowing she probably sounds like she's fresh out of Sokovia with how stressed she is. Her right eye twitches.
Was that...Wanda gulps. Was that sexual tension?
And was she the only one who felt it?
Fuck.
She's going to kill Steve.
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Natasha's absolutely neurotic when they arrive. It's just a simple backyard party, but it almost looks like a wedding venue with all the catering and flowers.
Wanda's pretty sure Natasha's only being like this because she's overthinking about whether to cling to Yelena or give her sister some space to mingle with others. She seems to be sizing up Kate, who Yelena might be seeing, but it hasn't been confirmed.
Yelena looks between exasperated with Natasha and secretly happy about the entire thing. Wanda can sympathize with her. After all, she's also a little sister, and Pietro can also be way too overprotective. Sometimes she's glad he's abroad in Europe for work while she remains in New York, but she misses him more often than she admits.
"Alright, alright, Natasha," you groan, and Wanda's mind slips back into the conversation. "We're 3 minutes late, relax, will you? Damn, are you always gonna be like this until you and Yelena get back into whatever sibling bond you had before? Hope you're just like this with us because otherwise, you're gonna scare away all her friends, and she's going to hate you."
"Oh my god, do you think she'll really hate me?" Natasha bites her bottom lip in worry while looking around at all the people that they can only assume she's nagged about being late or whatever mishap.
"Oh, man," you sigh, putting your hand on her shoulders before pushing her towards the bar. "You need some drinks and maybe some desserts in you."
Wanda's about to follow you when you turn around and nod your head in a different direction. She looks over and sees you're nodding toward Vision.
"You should go say hi to him," you tell her. "You've been complaining about not seeing him all last week, even though I don't know why you guys won't just FaceTime, but I digress. Come find me later, or I'll find you after."
You look over at Natasha, who's peering on her tippy toes to see if she can find Yelena.
"And, hopefully, I'll have ditched this nutjob," you whisper conspiratorially and laugh when Natasha turns around to smack your arm.
"I heard that!"
Wanda chuckles as you walk off with Natasha while she turns and heads toward Vision. Despite how she was complaining about not seeing Vision last week because she did miss him, her expression was sour as she made her way toward him.
Vision spots her immediately and waves at her with a warm smile. Wanda feels herself somewhat loosened at his expression. They'd also been friends a long time before they started on-and-off dating, so at the very least, she does miss his easy friendship.
"Hey," Vision hugs her, slightly rubbing her back before he pulls away but keeps his arm around her. "It's been a while; you look lovely."
"Thanks," Wanda smiles with a shrug. She looks around and sees he's standing with Tony and Pepper. "How are you guys?"
"Could be better," Tony sighs dramatically. "Natasha won't let me do any of my cool party tricks as if I'm going to ruin her little sister's party. If anything, I could make it the party of the century!"
Pepper rolls her eyes good-naturedly. "We were just talking about how we're thinking of going to the Bahamas for vacation in December and escaping the cold. We've invited you and Vision along since it's been awhile since we've all gone together. Of course, we can also invite Bug and Natasha."
"Oh," Wanda says for a lack of anything else to say. She doesn't know how to feel about it, but she peers over at Vision, who's just smiling at her and looking eager about it.
"I need another drink if I'm going to suffer through this party," Tony sighs. "Maybe I can convince Yelena instead!" He grins, dragging Pepper along, and they walk off together.
"So, what do you think?" Vision asks when they're alone. "I didn't want to reply on your behalf since I wasn't sure, but I think it'd be good for us. I've missed you," Vision pauses as if he's about his next words but then says, "a lot."
"Yeah, me too," Wanda starts to say, but then her brain gets all haywire because it feels like a lie. She did miss him, but did she miss him a lot? "I think."
"You think?"
Wanda wants to smack her forehead because she didn't mean to say that out loud. "I mean, I was complaining a lot that I haven't seen you in a while all last week."
"Yeah, work has just been overwhelming. I get so tired after work, I just can't keep up with the texting or calls."
But you can, Wanda thinks. Granted, you're her roommate, so it's easier. But even when you have to go on work trips, you regularly text her no matter what time and squeeze in a quick call, even if it's just to say goodnight.
The entire thing makes Wanda bite her tongue because why was she even thinking about that? That was completely irrelevant to Vision.
Then—because as if just thinking about you wasn't enough—her eyes trail across the room, and the scene before her makes Wanda even more confused about her feelings.
You're standing there with Natasha at the bar, but it looks like Natasha's calling someone over to introduce you to them.
Another brunette with long, wavy hair, like she just had a blowout done. Wanda's not 100% sure from this distance, but she has an inkling that the brunette also has green eyes. She's wearing a white halter top and wide-legged sage green pants. She wears a lot of rings, but her makeup is lighter and more summery compared to Wanda's darker, smokey eye makeup.
In short, this woman was the clean girl aesthetic version of Wanda.
And you look interested.
This was ridiculous, Wanda fumes, feeling her stomach sink and cheeks flare hot in anger. As quick as the anger came, it dissipated.
Why was she so angry?
She feels betrayed, and her thoughts are turning very ugly. Wanda is definitely not being a girl's girl right now with how much she's thinking she's better than the girl in front of you.
But that just makes everything so much more confusing.
"Wanda?"
Wanda turns her head back to Vision. He looks concerned, and even when his eyes trail toward what Wanda's staring at, there's no additional reaction. He's not upset that she's staring at you, and that has to mean something, right?
It must mean there was never a concern about how Wanda might've felt about you. Sure, there were a few things Wanda couldn't be without, and you were one of them, but nobody can't be without their best friend.
No one had ever blinked twice about you and Wanda.
Except now.
And that person was Wanda herself.
The more Wanda thought about the entire thing, the more she became curious. The idea of you dating people who looked like Wanda was intriguing. She wanted to ask questions but didn't know what to ask.
It might mean nothing, but it also might mean something.
And if it does mean something, Wanda wants to know what exactly it is.
Therefore, Wanda needs nothing in her way to find out the truth and exactly what she wants, regardless of the answer.
This was insane, wasn't it? Wanda's always been ambivalent about dating women. She's never gone out of her way to try it since she had Vision. Never mind entertaining thoughts about dating her best (girl)friend. And now, she was giving everything up in the pursuit of finding out what it could mean that her best friend was dating her lookalikes—and why she cared.
Wanda doesn't even know what she'll want to do with that information.
Wanda looks at Vision, peering at his features she's always found handsome. When she thinks back, she's not even sure why she complained to you about how she hasn't seen or heard from him lately. She hadn't even gone out of her own way to do something about it.
"I'm not going on the trip. I don't think I actually missed you like that."
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The girl introduced to you was named Raye, Natasha's coworker that recently moved from Nashville. It was also confirmed she has green eyes, though they had specks of brown in them. She was a southern belle with a bold attitude, witty, and a wicked sense of humor. All in all, undeniably charismatic.
At least, that's what you told her in private because all Wanda could feel was unrestricted aggravation with the other girl. The southern twang made Wanda's eye twitch, mostly because she knew you were head over heels for accents.
"And then before I knew it, I was panicked and more lost than a blindfolded turkey on thanksgiving!"
You burst out laughing while Wanda's expression is stony, but when you look at Wanda, she forces a smile on her lips.
"Hahaha," Wanda dryly let out. "So funny."
But it wasn't. What the fuck did that even mean?
Raye continues to talk while you listen with rapt interest, and Wanda takes the time to observe your features in a way she's done many times before but with a different mindset.
Your lips are curved in a smile, glistening from your chapstick. They're shapely, and they look soft. It rivals her favorite feature of yours, which is your eyes. They've always been so expressive with her, and Wanda's been around long enough that she knows what every expression means. She can tell when they glint with mischievousness or are soft with immense compassion and empathy.
"So, what did you think of Raye?" You ask Wanda as you leave the party.
"She's cool, I guess," Wanda answers nonchalantly.
The rest of the party was excruciating between Raye constantly hanging around you and Wanda also being too nervous to be alone with you.
"Really cool," you sigh with a grin. "Glad I got her number. It's been a while since I've met someone so funny."
Was she funny, though? Wanda wonders.
"Funnier than me?" Wanda finds herself asking.
"No one could be funnier than you, brat," you smirk. "I almost peed myself laughing again when you almost knocked off Yelena's cake. I thought Natasha was about to enter into a coma." You snicker while Wanda rolls her eyes with a smile.
"Glad I can always give you the biggest laughs, stinky."
Wanda glances over at your face, recognizing the excitement by the brightness in them. It's just another reminder that, as your best friend, she knows you like the back of her hand.
But lately, when Wanda watches you pick up girls, she can tell when they're heady with desire. That look hasn't been directed at her, and Wanda wants to know what it'd be like if it were.
Wanda recalls the night you kissed the bartender and imagines if it had been her instead. She pictures your hand sliding across her jaw and cheek while your other pulls her closer at the waist.
It's horrifying when a slow pit of arousal builds in Wanda's gut and...other regions. It feels utterly frightening and wrong like she's betraying the friendship for having and then reacting to such thoughts about you.
But there's another part—the part that tells Wanda there's nobody in this world that she loves more than you. The mere idea of ever being apart from you was unfathomable. Wanda could and has endured so many things, and it would always be okay as long as she had you.
So, knowing that Southern Belle Raye has the potential to be more than a one-night stand to you, Wanda realizes that she has a very small window to not only come to terms with her newfound feelings but also act on them as well.
If this didn't go well, Wanda would definitely murder Steve.
PART TWO
#wanda maximoff x reader#wanda maximoff x you#wanda maximoff imagine#wanda maximoff fluff#wanda maximoff x y/n#avengers imagine#scarlet witch imagine#scarlet witch x reader#wanda maximoff fanfiction#modern avengers au#Elizabeth olsen x reader#mm: my fics
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fluff ?? fluff. suna is a pining idiot, horrendously down bad <3 i just wanted to write for hq again :x
suna knows —knew— this is a bad idea. this was a terrible idea. it has a snowball's chance in hell of ever working out. so how the fuck did he let atsumu talk him into doing this?
it's raining, has been for the past fifteen minutes. he doesn't have practice today, which according to atsumu is a sign from the gods this is his chance, suna isn't sure he understands even know as he waits for you.
this is all a big gamble— a toss thrown in the air to see if it lands on the possibility that you forgot to bring an umbrella today. despite knowing this is truly a shitty idea, suna hopes that whatever gods atsumu was talking about listen to him today.
and then he sees you finally making your way towards the exit of the school gates, and as you come to stand next to him, as he glances at you from his peripheral vision, grimacing at the pouring rain and muttering something that sounds like —fuck, why is it raining in may— he thinks holy fuck atsumu was right. this is his day.
he waits, maybe you'll pull out an umbrella from your bag. but you don't, and suna fist bumps internally.
if he waits any longer, he knows it'll only give the moment an air of awkwardness it doesn't need. he needs to get his shit together and stop chickening out already. so he clears his throat, hopefully catching your attention.
“it's really pouring, huh.” he says, and then cringes internally.
“hmm,” you hum, your gaze finding his when you speak, “it really is. i think it's gonna take a while, are you waiting for someone?” you gesture to the umbrella in his hands.
okay, this is it. “oh, not really. i just like the rain.” he cringes for the second time in five minutes.
you chuckle amusingly, and suna feels his heart skip millions of beats in one second, “i like it too, but i don't fancy getting drenched.”
“oh, uhm,” he starts, eyes resting anywhere but you, “we can uh, walk together.”
you smile at him, pretty and kind, “oh, that's alright. you want to watch the rain, right?”
fuck— is this rejection? he wants to say that no, rain is pretty and all but you're beautiful right now as the dampness from the atmosphere makes your skin glisten, he wants to tell you he has been trying for the past year to get your attention, and that he really wants to walk with you.
“i want to walk with you.”
hmm, did he really say that? the words were just playing in his mind— when did they leave his lips as they have a will of their own?
“oh,” you say softly, “okay. let's do that.”
you smile, and suna takes a mental picture of this moment. it almost traps him in a trance. it's only when you step out of the gates, the droplets harshly falling on your clothes that he feels his feet move without his consent, arm automatically reaching out to shelter you from the rain again.
“let's walk together.” you tug him forward by the sleeve of his blazer.
“i was waiting for you.”
he's not sure what exactly is happening— his mind and body aren't in sync with each other, he's doing things without thinking about it. his thoughts are no less than his words, as if the moment they come to mind, they're pulled out by this unexplained force.
“were you?” thankfully you're still smiling at him, and he feels relief wash over him, “that's good.”
“it is?”
“i like your umbrella more than mine.” you answer, and something tells him you're not really talking about umbrellas.
and when he's walking with you, side by side. scooting closer because you noticed his shoulders weren't protected from the rain, he thinks then, that it wasn't intentional, it's just you— the subtle brush of your knuckles against his, the stretch of your lips to a smile he can only call mesmerizing, the lilt in your voice when you say his name. you who frees the words from his throat as if they've been caged. he's not surprised anymore when they leave his lips before he can stop himself— i like you.
suna likes you. he's never been more sure of it. when you only take his hand in yours in response, your smiling lighting up in sheer awe, he has a feeling you also like him a little more than you're letting on.
© yuquinzel2023 [ plagiarism is a violation of moral rights ! ]
#❀˖° ─ hana writes.#i wrote this in fifteen minutes be gentle please#suna rintaro haikyuu#suna rintaro x you#suna rintaro x reader#suna x reader#suna x reader fluff#suna rintarou x reader#haikyuu x reader#haikyuu x you#haikyuu fluff#haikyuu x reader fluff#hq fluff
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different anon jumping in here but hot damn i'd read 500k of just your slice of life vignettes about this ls/es crossover. plot is so beyond unnecessary for this one holy shit just please hit a million word count giving us this juice. not sure if you had plans for first time/established but i'm now fantasizing about the added layers of all the varieties of it. the dark spiraly angst of es!bros who never crossed the line and have just barely begun to think about it, all naked panic and throes of guilt and excitement, trapped in a timeline with ls!bros who crossed it years back and can't help poking at the es versions of themselves bc they both know how hard it was for them. or, even better, if all 4 are still sort of peeking over the fence at the possibilities and ls!bros are going on year 30 of angsty mutual pining and here come the versions of themselves who made these emotions the ugliest that they ever were ... yum. yummyyyyyy please keep going
AAAA thank you so much!!!!!! :,)
i'm so honoured and glad that you like them! 🥰 these are so fun to write, so i hope you all keep thinking they're interesting, lol!
in my head, i've been picturing ES!Sam&Dean as being not "together," and as LS!Sam&Dean as being pretty firmly together/established.
it happened around a year and a half back, the slow realization that they both felt the same way, that the ownership and protectiveness and fear that close wouldn't be close enough, that they had for a while--single digits while. there wasn't any big "thing" that did it, just a bad hunt and a slow recovery and with all the god business, it just seems fair that they finally get to have this. it doesn't even feel like anything "new," more like an extension of what they already are to each other, what they already do. more of an equilibrium, a homeostasis, the world settling back into how it is supposed to be.
sometimes dean finds himself in the reflex of leaning away before he remembers that he can actually lean forward if he wants to. sam kicks his brother's shins under the table when he's being a dick but kisses him afterwards.
but ES!Sam&Dean are still stuck in the early stages. ES!Dean spent years mourning and hating sam for leaving, thumbing old polaroids of him in his middle school theater costume until the film starts to peel away and the picture underneath chips. sam had been hoping that the time apart would make his stomach less riotous, something with more ability to be tamed, but after jess and during the quiet moments spent in motel rooms, driving while sun filters through the windscreen and warming denim-clad legs and old leather, sam realizes that nothing has changed.
it makes him feel even more wretched because was he using jess this whole time? no. he loved her. he really did. dean just chips away at the hardest parts of his grief, the most isolating, with quips and burgers and big, earnest eyes. but how can someone find space for anything that's not dean in their chest, when he looks over with a betrayed moue and his hand glued to a beer bottle?
with sam's nightmares shaking him awake almost nightly, they've gotten in the habit of touching each other, fingers on wrists and dean's palm at the back of his neck and ankles crossing under tables and eyes tracking chapped lips and sides pressed together all the way down shoulders-biceps-forearms-waists-hips-thighs.
so when ES!Dean tries to find LS!Dean to ask him about the keys to the armory--because, hey, cool--he sees the door to his bedroom open. he sees the two pillows. sam's house shoes on one side of the bed. dean's on the other. the lube on the fucking nightstand that they don't even bother to put away because who ever comes over
and ES!Dean is...floored. fucking agog. and he gets even more flustered around LS!Sam and more convinced that this is some kind of alternate timeline/universe or something in which sam actually wants him back
he's blushing whenever LS!Sam looks at him and can't stop looking up at his not-so-little brother, built like a statue and making dean sweat with his fond smiles. he can't stop jerking off to imagining what it would be like to pull him down into a kiss, or feeling him from behind as he presses in. and this makes LS!Dean even more unworthy in ES!Dean's opinion, a murdering bastard drowning in gold and splendour. he thinks about it all the time--can't stop thinking about it. ES!Dean tries to catch LS!Sam's attention like 'me too, right? i'm good enough too, right?'
plus, it also fuels his anger at LS!Dean bc how did sam find out? how did this happen? did you force sam into this, you sick fuck? we swore on mom's grave that he'd never find out. no way sam actually wants us, no fucking shot.
if ES!Sam finds out, it would all kind of blow up, i think. it would be messy and sam would be furious because is that what ES!Dean's been trying to do and why he suddenly can't look either sam in the eye?? he wants to fuck LS!Sam?? what is different about him that ES!Sam doesn't have? it's kind of a betrayal on both fronts: a brother that only wants a specific not-ES!Sam version of sam, and a version of his older self that steals his brother out from under him.
not to mention, the whole time LS!Sam&Dean are looking at their younger selves with a weird mix of glee and pity, bc they don't even know yet, know what the word "brother" means, how it can mean everything at once, and to what extents they are willing to go to keep each other.
ARGH! it would be so messy!!! the tangled webs of longing and possession and just sheer goddamn need!
but anon!!!! you're so right!!!!!!!!! if neither of them are together, and suddenly they have to interact with these younger versions of themselves, who, if they can't have each other--who knows? with their big eyes and clear admiration and longing? these feelings have never been easy, but with ES!Sam&Dean, they're so messy. they bleed want, and it's agonizing to witness. idk...makes u think...
anyway. thank you for this lovely ask anon! and for your kind words!! if only i could write a million words about them, lol! x <3
-lizzy
(for the new: ES = early seasons, LS = late seasons; the other ES/LS posts can be found here!)
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Five Love Languages of Danmei: Pining Bracket
Moshang from SVSSS
Characters: Mobei-jun and Shang Qinghua
Submission 1:
They've known each other since teens and well into their thirties before getting together. And it's difficult to tell for MBJ, but Shang Qinghua had considered him his ideal man the entire time!
Submission 2:
Airplane has been pining for MBJ since /before the universe was even created/… he has pined for him desperately and also just been desperate in general for two (2!) lifetimes, not to mention that MBJ has been trusting in and helping sqh out since basically the very first time they met as TEENAGERS and now they are like… At Least 50,, probably older to be honest .
Yuesong from Mistakenly Saving the Villain
Characters: Song Qingshi and Yue Wuhuan
Submission:
First, you get Song Qingshi spending 1,350 lifetimes falling in love with and trying over and over again to rescue Yue Wuhuan. (His 1,351st attempt finally succeeds! Yay! Also, *holy shit*.) Then things happen to Song Qingshi, and you get Yue Wuhuan spending 3,000 years waiting for Song Qingshi to reincarnate. And then the lore drops, and you find out that then-newly-ascended-stone Song Qingshi had already been mesmerized by Phoenix-God Yue Wuhuan ten thousand years before the story started. And *then* the background of the universes' worldbuilding is revealed, and you realize that Yue Wuhuan had actually been waiting for Song Qingshi for literally hundreds of millions of years, long before these two ever even had human forms. You want "long-ass time"? Here's your long-ass time.
(And on that note, if you enjoy MXTX books and want to read something that's an unholy mixture of SVSSS and TGCF cranked up to 100000%, please read MisVil.)
Additional Propaganda: Over 20,000 Years
Novel Updates Link
["Anti-Propaganda" that attacks other characters is NOT allowed. Please only give reasons to vote FOR a character/ship.]
#moshang#svsss#mxtx#yuesong#misvil#polls#danmei#danmei love languages tournament#danmei pining bracket#danmei pining bracket round 4#queue
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Made a Hazard Tea with (German + Italian) Oregano, (Lemon + German) Thyme, Candied Ginger, Rosemary, mixed Basils, mixed Mints, Mountain Mint, Juniper Berry, Jasmine, Rose, and some of that amazing Scottish Honey that @filthy-gorgeous sent me.
I was hoping to finally clear out all of the congestion I've got going on, because it's driving me crazy to be so damned congested, and yet have my face be a constant neverending faucet that's always dripping. And nothing's done fuck-all for it.
So far hot baths haven't worked, they've just stopped me up worse- and facial steaming's done the exact same. Opening a window and letting the cool air in helped a lot for a while, but that made my throat even more raw and made breathing incredibly painful (also made my nose bleed ???). Regular Tea's been soothing on my throat and helped with the rawness, but hasn't actually done anything for the congestion. And laying down's stopped me up each time too (no matter how I lay, it's like the act of laying down in and of itself is the plug).
For some wild reason I never thought about using Herbs- despite literally being a Lay Herbalist- until @birch-bark-scribbles / @birchwood-path mentioned Mullein last night. And I was so out of it still that I only lamented that my Mullein died this year and I didn't get to harvest anything; dumb lil ole me, in my brain fog, forgot that there's a million decongestants on the planet and that quite a few of them are literally just everyday Culinary herbs that just need to be used differently to bring out the decongestive properties. I didn't think about it until this morning, though, until my Husband suggested I look and see if there was anything else I actually had already in the pantry that'd help 🤦♀️
Most of what I do have is very minor decongestants. So I just kind of threw them all together; basically threw the entire kitchen sink at it, and hoped for the best. Hence why I call it, "Hazard Tea": You know it's going to taste like complete ass when you drink it, honestly, but you know you need the properties regardless. But you're also not entirely sure which one's are actually going to work for you ... You're just hazarding a guess with all of them.
Which feels very fitting for dealing with Covid symptoms honestly. Because Covid doesn't act like anything I've ever had before. And the symptoms don't respond to the usual things I do to treat myself with other illnesses. But y'all, this shit worked and I am so happy. I'm not entirely unstopped. But I'm breathing way better than I have been. So it's a resounding success.
And I still feel like a huge idiot for not thinking to treat myself much earlier; I swear ... Making myself Pine Oil for my Fibro's an easy one. A Decongestant Tea for Covid, though? Literally what's even the point of having a trained skill for 15+ years if your dumb ass never thinks to actually use it when you legitimately finally need it?
#Hell Is Real and Having Covid Is It#Personal#Herbalism#A Dragon's Hoard of Tea#Alphabet Soup#2023#Covid#Actually Disbaled
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hi hi hellooo! Aleksi's remix of Let Me Down Slowly came up on my youtube recs and it instantly reminded me of your amazing fic and I knoooooooooow I said it a million times but thank you so much for writing it and sharing it, it's so fucking good!!!!!!! 💖💘💖💕💖💖💘
now imagine, pining-idiots-that-haven't-realized-they-are-in-love Allu and Olli are probably enjoying their well deserved breaks from all the stuff they did in 2023 (and most likely with their partners by their side), but I like to imagine that they still make some time for at least one video call once a week, or that they exchange dumb texts daily because they miss each other so much 🥺💕
maybe Olli grabs his guitar one night and comes up with some beautiful riff that he sends to Allu, but this time Aleksi decides that they have to finish it together side by side (clearly an excuse to see Olli again because oooops, he realized he has Feelings™ for his friend and bandmate) and well, Olli had to travel to Helsinki anyway (to make sure the new posters were shipped correctly, or to sign a legal document or some made up bullshit), soooo why not stay at his just-a-friend-i-swear's place for a few days?
they would have the Moment Of Realization late at night, around 2AM when Allu is finally done with the remix and Olli is already asleep on the couch (is he really asleep, though? or just enjoying the moment with his eyes closed?). Allu would not resist the temptation of brushing a curl off Olli's beautiful face, and maybe caressing one of his cheeks while he can, not forseeing that Olli would be very much awake, so now they're both holding their breaths and staring at each other with so much love 💖💕💘
maybe they finally dare to get closer and share a shy little kiss after all those years of pining, or maybe they feel like they can't do it, not while they still have a significant other, and leave the studio confused and unsure of what to do next 🥰
anyways, it's already late over here and I used my last braincell to daydream about this 😅 have a lovely lovely day 💖💕💘💖💕💘
OH MY GOD???!!?!?!??!?! 😭😭😭😭😭
this made my stomach do the thing because akdjshfksjfdkf I've honestly spent the entire Christmas break thinking about the two of them constantly checking their phones and not really understanding why they feel so disappointed when there's no new text from the other or why they feel a pang of jealousy when the other posts a holiday greeting in the group chat (=a selfie with their gf with a cheesy Christmassy/NYE edit and a text "Happy Holidays from us!")
amd aaaahhhh imagine soft Olli playing softly on his soft guitar AND THINKING OF ALLU THE WHOLE TIME DJDHFGFFJFF I meaaaaan may I remind y'all that yet again this is not just something the delulu made up but instead it's something that actually for real happened with the Let Me Down remix 😭 obviously we don't know if Olli had the riff ready and Allu just happened to need one and it came up in a conversation, or if Allu asked him to make him one, or if Olli just sent the riff to Allu who was so inspired (and in love (with the riff! or at least that's what he convinced himself then)) that he made an entire remix based off it 🥺 my point here is that it's TOO EASY to imagine them doing exactly what you just derscribed 🤧💕
and yeah, I have also been imagining their first kiss and how terrifying it would be for the both of them 😭 I mean, I want to assume that the "deep talks" they've had over a glass of wine or a bottle of Mountain Dew (again, something we know for certain they done, not just something the delulu has decided is canon!!) they have also discussed sex and/or sexuality and came out as bi to each other, so it's not the fact they're both dudes and about to kiss each other that's messing with their heads rather than the fact they're both in relationships skgjdjfksjfsjfjdjf fuck why am I so invested in this 😩
bonus points indeed if they only ALMOST kiss before they snap out of it and aaaaaaaaaa poor confused boys!! because this whole time they've been like "I don't actually like him that way, and even if I did nothing could ever happen because we're friends and co-workers and he's taken" but then they realise they were having an undeniable Moment(tm) and the other was actually about to kiss them back too so they're like ???????????????? oh god 😭
thanks for this, I feel so validated once again 🙈
#i didn’t make any new year's resolutions but if i did it would’ve been to let this infidelity trope be#i know it's all fiction but........i'm so paranoid 🙈#but just so you know i could write fic after fic after fic about these two falling for each other in various circumstances#and yes many of them include them already being in relationships with someone else#i just keep imagining allu staying up late by himself bc his partner is already in bed#and he's contemplating whether or not he should text olli if he's awake too#he is of course (already waiting for allu's text) and i'm imagining them texting each other at ass o'clock with dopey smiles on their faces#when they could be sleeping next to their actual partners#OH WAIT i dont have to imagine this BECAUSE THAT HAPPENED FOR REAL TOO 💁♀️#to conclude they're in love but feel like they can't do anything about it 😔#answered asks#ollixallu#blind channel rpf#catboyolli
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Your clue is in my heart
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Evidence #1- [Name]'s pathethic children + Kaeya
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<Character information>
[Name] [Surname]
2nd year criminal justice major
Aspires to be a police officer in the future, and they have a good chance to become one seeing as they're at the top of their class.
Unfortunately, this means taking the same courses as Heizou, who loves to one-up them in their mutual courses.
Has basic combat skills.
Is the group's mixture of a responsible person and a chaotic nuisance, leaning towards the chaotic part more.
Quite popular due to being the 2nd most attractive student, but stays loyal to their one and only.
Lumine
2nd year tourism major
Wishes to be with her twin brother in being travel agents.
Has a niece named Paimon.
Gets hit on by Childe 24/7 who ends up getting a beating from Aether.
But if Childe is stirring up madnass, you bet she's gonna join in.
Tsundere Lumine lol.
Lots of students come to her and Aether for help on various things. They don't get a choice to say no. (Poor travellers)
[Name]'s best friend since kindergarten and knows every single one of her dark secrets that she can use as blackmail.
Beidou
3rd year marine science major
Wants to be a sailor so she could always be close to the sea.
Major simp for Ningguang who secretly pampers her (and her group) with expensive gifts.
Hypes up the group's more chaotic part.
Loves to challenge Venti to drinking competitions.
If anyone's bullying on her friends, she'll be there to turn the said bullies into human pretzels.
Intimidation 1000
[Name]'s 2nd best friend since the start of highschool, mainly met each other through Lumine.
Childe
3rd year sports major
Wants to kick ass as a football player.
The school's 3rd most attractive student, causing girls to swoon by existing, but has eyes on Lumine only.
Occasionally spars with Heizou and helps [Name] with combat training.
Despises Kaeya for flirting with others when [Name] is literally right next to him.
Is the main cause of any trouble in the group.
Met [Name] at the beginning of their college years and became their self-proclaimed big brother because he thought they looked cute and also cause he had a small crush on them once.
Thoma
3rd year veterinary science major
Hopes for the world to become a better place and for all the stray animals to find themselves a loving owner.
Most responsible person in the group that stops fueling the fire if the chaos is getting out of hand.
Has a pet doggo named taroumaru.
This ball of sunshine rarely refuses to help anyone.
Taroumaru was escaped once and found [Name] during their graduation day in highschool, they then return Taroumaru back to Thoma and then they became good friends.
Albedo Kreideprinz
4th year chemist major
One of the most intelligent students that's going to be a great alchemist in the future.
Gets bombarded with people asking him questions and getting him to do their homework. Getting him to agree is a 50/50.
2nd most responsible person in the group.
Usually doesn't chat much in the group unless it's on the weekends, doesn't turn down any hangout invites, though.
Was in a project with [Name] in one of their mutual courses, they passed with flying colours and became good friends as he enjoys their company.
Kaeya Alberich
3rd year sports major
Plans to become a sports star and earn millions of gold medals for [Name].
Teyvat University's #1 heartthrob.
Actually, the two of them went to the same highschool and got together when it was his graduation day, they've been pining eachother since the start of [Name]'s highschool years.
Genuinely cares and loves [Name]... but that never stopped him from shamelessly flirting with others.
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A/N: Choosing everyone's major is a lot harder than it looks haha—
Yes, I am projecting my deez nuts jokes obsession on [Name] and forcing Kaeya to adopt it.
There's quite a plethora of things I wanted to add but they're mostly unnecessary and their information list is already long enough.
Like i've said, I don't have any experience with college related education and stuff, any information would be greatly appreciated so feel free to correct me! (It's possible I might be a lil' too lazy to edit any corrections lol)
Btw, that's a pic of you and Kaeya in his Twitter header ;)
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Masterlist | Heizou's evidence
#genshin#genshin impact#genshin impact x reader#genshin impact smau#genshin impact heizou#genshin impact shikanoin heizou#genshin heizou x reader
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do you like demetri with yasmine?
I like that they've both found someone who makes them happy. I think they compliment each other nicely. It really seems like they make each other happy. But that may just be me
It was ironically funny to see him get his dream girl he's been pining over for years. I usually see this as cliche in shows, but I think they made it work out. He's clearly moved on from purely lusting over her, as does tend to happen when you actually spend time together.
I like how Yasmine has grown from her s1 ways. She understands what it's like to be bullied and teased now, and stood up to Dem for the people who she would've been hanging out with the year prior. She would have been bullying him with Kyler and the Cobra Kai gang, but she isn't. She's grown up, and moved on. I appreciate that.
I do think they have their flaws, but so does every couple. It doesn't look like either are in any position to want to break up any time soon.
All of this being said, I don't see this relationship lasting past high school. I just don't. They seem like one of those couples that are so lovey dovey, and they keep promising to be together forever and have 40 million tiny ones, but the spark simmers out soon enough. They mature in other arenas, and the chemistry is no longer as bold and appealing.
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There's a particular way of writing romance that I have only seen done in specific ways in the exact way I like it. The type I like only works in settings where the two lovers have an unstable story related objective that forces them to split for several periods at a time but are still bound to seeing each other again at the end of every arc. I love pining in these stages because it is definitely obvious that they like each other a lot and look forward to seeing the other the most but it is during a vague stage where it is still too casual to apply any label on it just yet. It's also nice if they're still confused on what to call themselves, even if they've already been casually physically intimate together. They still avoid it because being transparent would make things awkward or seem too forward which can risk ruining the friendship. Yet, both of them secretly make extra effort to keep it an exclusive situation-ship, because they are only thinking of each other the entire way and no other peripheral date-able person really does it like their crush does for them. Or they do find someone date-able but they keep finding themselves drawn back to the first person.
And when the stakes get higher, and one of them might be in danger, that's when the subject of exclusivity can no longer be stalled in the back of their minds, and that some feelings between them need to be confronted very soon.
Tbh I like confessions but confessions are even better when it's not a "I've been holding this in for years " nervous, sheepish confession.
My favorite kind is when they literally straight up just say what's on their mind in that moment, candidly, without hesitation, that they are in love with the other person. Like the day they were having was going so well and that their genuine happiness being with the other person made them forget to be nervous. It is cute when they get shy afterwards tho.
To add the icing on the cake, lets say, a really powerful and malevolent force is pulling them farther and farther away from each other and they are trying so hard to keep a grip on the one they love that they begin to transcend the confines of the logic of the world.
One of my favorite examples of this is when, in one of Osamu Tezukas manga, Phoenix, wherein an alien and a human are being torn apart by an oppressive force who dislikes the alien and at one point become permanently separated for millions and millions of years, and the human still dedicated to his love, waited for her the entire time. When you think they won't make it, a benevolent force grants him a wish in pity to his persistence and grief to reunite with his love as an entirely new cosmic entity and are revived in a completely new form.
So I love romantic happy endings, which is weird because I am a connoisseur for tragedy and angst. I like reading things that are painful to sit through or have miserable characters but NOT when it comes to relationships. I do not enjoy bittersweetness, or disappointment. Like sadstuck, if you will. If their relationship ends in tragedy, it will take a lot of persuasion and justifications for me to be convinced that the story needs to end that way. Like I will literally just find it a huge waste of time AND It is ruined. Like baking a really nice cake and having it flopping off the table and landing upside down. Thats how it feels. I just think its kind of a cheap thing to do. I have only seen 2 pieces of media where it made sense.
Anyway *dies*
#writing about my Tastes in romance in stories#bonus points if no straight people are involved#// long post
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when the camellia blooms | pjm
park jimin x kim! reader | 1 | 2
sypnosis: diagnosed with the hanahaki disease, you had only two options - accept a deathly fate, or never love again.
genre: au, angst, fluff, humor, friends to lovers? maybe.
warnings: many talks of death and dying, minor character death, pain, unrequited love, swearing, talks of past sexual experience while intoxicated, pining, longing, really sad reader, and lots of angst.
word count: 7.2 k
"you would die for her, for him."
"You're dying."
The two words escape past his lips steadily and breathily as your widening eyes linger on the way his hands fiddle with one another out of habit. He sighs deeply and resists the urge to avoid screaming at you and maintain eye contact out of professionalism, pushing back his slipping glasses.
"At this rate, you won't have any more than a month. Had you told me this sooner, y/n, the results wouldn't have been as scarce. But because you waited after almost a year of this, I'm afraid there's not much to do." He pushes his desk lightly to pull away from it, creating a mere distance between himself and the papers which finalized your future's passing. Reaching his collar, he tugs on his tie to loosen it before unbuttoning the first stitch as he looks at you with seemingly stray and angered eyes mixed with sympathy.
Suddenly, his sight wanders the room as he shakes his head repeatedly, scoffing in disbelief. He then smiles, dimples prominent, lip tightened, eyebrows furrowed, and eyes broken, piercing straight at its target - that being you.
Standing up, he takes off his glasses and slams his fist onto the chair's arm rest before running a hand across his hair, softly hissing.
The professionalism is now out of the drain, "You're an idiot, y/n."
"Fucking stupid. How could you not- I mean- how could you not tell me? I'm your brother! We're family. Blood. We're supposed to- we're supposed to tell each other these things and you just fucking- you kept it to yourself all these months! Ten months! And now I'm sitting here being the one to tell you that you're dying? That you're leaving me? I would've done something. I would've helped you, I- I would've killed whoever this person you're in love with is. y/n, please- I just-"
You don't know why, but you felt exhausted.
The ringing in your ears is deafening. Truthfully, you hadn't heard a single thing the minute you received news that you'll be, well, passing away. Not to mention, within 30 days time.
It's not as if you didn't already know about your condition, of course you did. Coughing soft pink camellia flowers every time you see the man that's brought you here is not exactly something that just simply passes a blind eye. You sense it, you feel it, and it hurts.
It really, really hurts.
You also felt awful for your brother. You hadn't meant for it to go this far. You didn't mean to not tell him. You didn't want your assigned doctor to suddenly call in sick and have your brother temporarily take his place. You didn't mean for him to find out this way - such a twisted, horrible fucking way, but here you are.
"I'm sorry, Joon. I'm so sorry. I didn't mean for this to go this far. I just-"
"Were you ever even going to tell me?" He cuts you off, voice low and steady, almost afraid of your coming response.
Your eyes locate his across the cramped room, and one could clearly tell that it's striving its hardest to fight against desperate tears.
"I- yes, Joon. I was. Of course I was. I was gonna do it after this check in actually, but I guess God wanted you to find out sooner than I intended, though He could've just waited a little while longer and it would've been fine." You joke whisperingly, the heavy weight of your heart lightening just a small bit when you notice the corners of his lips twitch and his eyes faintly soften.
Regrettably, that was a lie. You didn’t plan on telling him, not today at least. Maybe not even ever.
The softening air lasts for only a second as his following question makes you hold back the urge to cough up another camellia flower slowly blooming its way to your throat.
"Who is it?"
Genuine, concerned, curious. These were all that he was.
But noticing the way your body went entirely rigid at his words and the way your hand clutched your clothed chest in attempt to shut down what you know will happen next, Namjoon's brotherly instincts causes him to naturally make his way towards you softly, taking small and careful strides towards your fragile state.
And once he's finally reached you, he gets on his knees gently in order for him to be of nearing same height level as you're sitting down, his hands rubbing the back of your hand in a comforting manner.
He does this all before pulling the trigger.
"Who are you in love with, y/n?"
two years back
"Jimin!"
You call out your brother's best friend loudly, who is currently in the midst of doing a one-man stage play in front of the mirror, "Joon's saying you guys need to get going now. Says he has a patient in two hours and wants to go over all sorts of documents before treating her."
Turning around, you scan the living room and dining room for the keys of your friend's car as your brother also asked you to hand them to him since the two always end up on forgetting it until they've already reached the car parked across your apartment's block.
You hear Jimin shuffle behind you, "Really? He wants to go over documents at- 9 AM in the morning?"
Smiling at his attempts of complaint, you nod your head softly in order to play along and answer his rhetorical question, "He really needs to learn how to drive doesn't he? Since he's dragging you along everywhere he goes."
Jimin laughs at your statement, which being an opinion, your brother would argue, 'driving isn't a necessary aspect of life.' But who really thinks like that? Oh right, non-drivers.
“I guess he’s getting too caught up in learning medicine that he forgot to learn how to officially become an adult.” Reaching above the kitchen top, you finally found sight of Jimin's car keys.
How did it even get up there? You think to yourself. It's really high up, so Namjoon must've been the one to leave it as to where it is.
You groan slightly, "Joon, can you get over here! I found Chim's keys but it's too far up high so I can't reach it. Hell I don't even think he can reach this-"
You are cut off when you feel a hand sneak around your waist, making you flinch and suddenly spin cautiously.
Eyes widened. Lips parted. Breath hitched. You let out an inaudible gasp as you come to the realization that Jimin is now in front of you, head tilted with an amused smile on his face, "Excuse you? I can very much reach this." He says, all the while reaching up behind you, inchly leaning forward. At this point, your body is being pressed up against the kitchen counter and his oh-so-very toned front.
This small action is enough to instigate a flaming abyss inside of you as you very much attempt to calm your alarmed heart.
You can feel the cuts and lines of his abs against your chest as he is now standing on his tippy toes, desperately trying to reach the keys on the kitchen top. Anyone that could see his posture would call him adorable, but your body is currently being sandwiched and by all that is high and mighty your mind can't even really process a single thing. Wait, what were you thinking just now?
"See? Got it." Jimin falls back in place as he jiggles his car keys in front of your stone-cold face, smile wide as he giggles softly, "Piece of cake, y/n."
He then proceeds to move on with his life like he didn't just do what the fuck he just did.
Clearing your throat, you blink about a million times in order to gather your thoughts. Your heartbeat is racing faster than the speed of light and your lips have become as dry as a desert. If you had gone standing on your tippy toes just as he did, you would've been a baby hair away from lips touching. The thought is enough to make you grow weak.
Yet as if something inside of you is suddenly turned on, no pun intended, you remind yourself that these thoughts are wrong. You can't be having these apprehensions, they aren't right. Because not only is he your brother's best friend, he also has a-
"y/n?" Jimin's soft voice calls out your name.
Breaking out of your trance, you turn to see him sitting down on the dining table, head tilted downwards with a small smile on his face. The sun escapes your pastel curtains as it slips past the window sill, reasoning with the current ray of golden yellow that has found its home on Jimin’s plump cheek, shining on the left side of his luminous face.
It's absolutely senseless how he can look as beautiful as he does simply by existing, and it makes perfect sense that your finding yourself to liking him more and more.
Just look at him.
You are broken out of your enchanted daze once more as dreaded words leave his smiling lips, "I'm gonna ask her to marry me."
Only then were you brought back to your inadequate reality.
“W- what?” You attempt to speak, but you notice the way your voice has suddenly become noticeably hoarse.
Jimin looks up at you with a smile, the kind that has his eyes almost disappearing.
“Sung. I’m gonna ask her to marry me tonight.”
silence.
silence.
and more silence.
Like a coward, that was all what you could muster to respond with.
And only then did you notice the velvet box on his hands, upon which he is tenderly caressing. Only then did you recognize the questionable romantic script of his one-man stage just moments earlier. Only then did you realize that the reason behind his growing smile are because of her, not you. Not because of what had just taken place.
Only then did you remember that no, you can't be having these apprehensions - they aren't right.
Because not only is he your brother's best friend,
he also has a, now upcoming, fiancé.
present time
"I already loved him then, Joon."
By this time, your brother has stood up and begun pacing back and forth the modest office, murmurs of curses towards his friend escaping past his lips, "-that small son of a bitch."
Smiling softly, you look down in reminiscence of the moments you have spent falling for Jimin. "I guess I've always been infatuated with him ever since our first meeting, but my God Joonie," you pause, inhaling a short breath in attempt to stop tears threatening to spill. "-ever since that day, when he told me that he was going to propose to her, I finally realized that like was the wrong term to use. I realized that I loved him and I just- I lost sight of everything." You cry, small sobs coming from you as you blinkingly look up to try to contain the waters forming in your eyes.
It was true. That day, when he told you about his plans to ask her to marry him, you've never felt more indignant.
Of course you faked it at first, congratulated him and consoled him into truthfully believing that she will undoubtedly say yes. But the minute he and Namjoon left your apartment, you collapsed on your carpeted floors, sobbing loudly and hitting your chest repetitively all the while cursing yourself in your head for ever even considering the tiniest of possibilities that you and Jimin could ever happen.
You also went out that night, got drunk, found a guy, slept with him, and never looked back.
Sure, this may seem like a regular night out for many, but not being the type to kiss and sleep, sex meant a lot to you.
Nothing wrong with one night stands, that just wasn't your particular chosen lifestyle. But you were wasted. You were intoxicated. You didn't know what you were doing. Had you been sober, you wouldn't have done what you did, especially with the person you did it with. So when you woke up in the middle of the night naked in bed next to a familiar face and realized what you've done, you rushingly stood up, got dressed, and left, ignoring the calls of the man you had just been with.
You went straight home and washed yourself for hours, feeling dirty and sloppy and disgusting. You can easily recollect sitting down in the showers, head tucked underneath and in between your legs, sobbing and crying loudly as the steam surrounding you from the warm water kept on worsening.
You hated what you did, and you most definitely despised the reason for what you did, - to simply get over someone else. You felt guilty. You felt ashamed. What would Jimin think? You thought to yourself. And though that truly didn't really matter, the ache in your heart kept on making you believe otherwise.
You didn't notice how your tears have fallen and stained your newly-bought jeans until Namjoon's hands holding a napkin comes within your perception.
Mumbling a small 'sorry Joonie,' you accept his offer and wipe the tears still continuously streaming down your now reddened, warm, and puffy face. As you do this, you furthermore catch sight of your brother's shadow rubbing his face in frustration, matching the groans that you also hear release from him in the background. And without meaning so, you deflate in insecurity.
Hearing the sound of air being released from a pulling force, you look up to see that Namjoon has sat back down, his elbows resting on the desk while his chin rest on his hands. "Does he know about this, y/n?"
You sigh, "No."
"Are you going to tell him?" You hear him ask once more.
Closing your eyes and sniffing lightly, you inhale a steady breath as you answer him for the second time, "I don't know, Joon."
Namjoon looks at you, eyes full of worry and concern. You don't know?
You're his sister, and he loves you. He would do anything for you. If he could shower you with all the love that you lack from Jimin, he would. And he would do it in a heartbeat. But you're dying. You're leaving him. And he doesn't know what to think. He doesn't know what to do. So how could you not know? How could you sit here, in front of him, after keeping this shit for ten months to yourself, tell him that you just don't know?
He feels frustrated. Frustrated over the clearing fact that if you don't know the answer to that simple yes or no question, then how more could you know the answer to when he asks you to make the choice?
The choice - to love or to die.
A very careful, unprecedented surgery that has been performed by professionals only a few times, yet each one has been successful. This seems easy, yeah. A surgery to save your life? Of course you'll do it! But there's a reason as to why this has been done only by a certain small count.
To perform the surgery and live, the price is not the expense, but rather the loneliness that shall come as you spend the rest of your life void of emotions. The surgery doesn't get rid of love on its own, it gets rid of everything that comes with it - happiness, sadness, trust, pain, pretty much everything that one can possibly feel. The only emotion left is indifference, yet even indifference lacks its self-sustainability.
Who would want to live like that?
Who would want to live a life where you just simply exist and nothing more?
He knows that the day will come eventually - when he offers you the choice, the chance to save your life, and he knows it will come soon. But right now, he has chosen to prioritize being a brother over a doctor. Right now, the only thing in his mind is comforting you.
"Okay." Your brother nods, making your eyes widen slightly in shock.
Okay? No scolding? No 'how could you not know?!' older brother reprimands? But then you remember, oh yeah. You're dying. And who could possibly scold their dying little sister?
"I'm sorry Joonie-" You try to apologize once more before he cuts you off again.
"No, don't apologize, y/n. It's not like you could've possibly wanted for any of this to happen, yeah?" He offers you a smile, but you could easily see past its fabricated purpose, "But instead let me ask you this. And I need you, in our deceased parent's name, to be completely honest with me."
You only nod, completely submissive and understanding of his seriousness the moment that he mentioned your passed parents.
"What you just told me, when you first fell in love with him, that was two years ago." He starts, making you nod again in agreement.
"But you were diagnosed only ten months ago."
Your heart drops, and you don't nod again.
"The Hanahaki Disease is not something that gradually begins and comes to existence over the course of time. It is an illness that is triggered. It could be by a sudden forthcoming realization or proclamation of love, or by an event that triggers the heart to completely shut down in overwhelmth. Either way, basing on the timing of what you've said, you should've been diagnosed with the Hanahaki two years ago. But you weren't."
Namjoon eyes you questioningly, but not too much to the extent that you feel uncomfortable, only just enough to remind you of the importance of this conversation, "You were only diagnosed ten months ago, y/n. Why?"
You sit still, not wanting to move, as if your stone figure would somehow make him think that you're not real or that you're a simple figment of his messed up imagination.
"y/n, what happened ten months ago?"
He finishes his question and you swallow harshly only to realize that you're parched, your throat completely dry. You then tilt your head to steal a gaze at your brother, making you catch the way his eyes suddenly widened as if he just realized something of high importance. As if he had just realized the answer to his own question. And that didn't work with you.
Clearing your throat, you are about to answer him in order to cut off his thoughts until the door swings open and you feel your throat compact, - the coughs of a camellia flower slipping its way to visibility -because there he is,
the man of the hour.
"y/n." He noticeably breathes a sigh of relief before making his way to you, engulfing you in a giant embrace. "I was so worried about you. Why didn't you tell me you had the Hanahaki? How could you not let me know? How long have you had it? Who is it? I swear I'm going to murder whoever this piece of shit is that he dared ever making yo-"
"Jimin this is a professional space between a doctor and his patient." The two of you pull away almost exactly the same time as soon as Namjoon speaks up, Jimin's eyebrows furrowing, "Get out."
"What?" Jimin barely gather the voice to ask him as he is completely caught off guard of his friend's erupting vulgar attitude.
"I said-" Namjoon speaks before getting caught off again.
"No trust me, I heard what you said. But what?" Jimin repeats himself, "So you're telling me you're not prioritizing being y/n's brother right now? You're still caught up in this Doctor Kim bullshit? Like you're a real one?"
"Jimin-" You attempt to budge in, sensing that a certain trouble may suddenly come knocking.
"No, y/n. Listen hyung-"
"No, YOU listen. You small piece of shit." Your brother raises his voice, "-don't come barging in here like you own the place or like you have any authority over her. She is MY sister and this is a family matter. So it's best you stay out of it and keep in your lane."
At this point, Namjoon is in front of Jimin, a short distance separating the two of them, "And don't you ever dare speak to me in that tone again. I know you're my friend, but remember to treat me with respect. Not only am I your superior, but I'm also your hyung." He finishes with a serious voice, tone low, and message deep. His earnest eyes piercing through his friend's pained ones.
Jimin, mouth slightly agape being at loss for words and clearly confused at his close friend's unreasonable anger, storms out of the room.
But not before he drags you along with him.
Namjoon is quick to act as he tries to reach for you, but you turn back and look at him pleadingly, signaling him that it's okay and to not worry. And him being the understanding brother that he is, pulls back and holds himself steady.
You can handle him. You’re a Kim. You’re strong.
Strong enough to survive through this.
You’ll be okay.
And as he watches the two of you leave, the door closing shut right in front of him, only then does reality hit Namjoon as his legs tremble abruptly, feeling lightheaded all of a sudden.
Falling down the floor, he reaches onto the desk for assistance as he slides his back down the wooden wall, hands painfully fisted and finding its way to cover his mouth in order to muffle the choked-in sobs perilously escaping him. He proceeds to blink away the tears and bite harshly on his lips, trying to diminish the flourishing grievance in his heart.
His sister is dying, and he doesn't know what to do.
“Doctor Kim? The next patient is ready to see you.” A knocking nurse distracts him and calls out from behind the door, “-shall I send them in?”
Namjoon sniffs heavily and sighs deeply, rushingly grabbing his glasses and adjusting his emotionally wrecked state, “One moment!”
He lets out a soft, shaky breath and reminds himself once more that you’re a Kim.
You’re strong.
You can beat this.
It'll be alright.
You'll be okay.
"IM NOT OKAY JIMIN-SHI!" You voicely whine out to your friend who is currently dragging you along the halls of the hospital and out the technologically advanced glass doors, "What is wrong with you?!" You pull your arm aggressively from his grasp as you bend down, hands resting on your knees while you hastily try to catch your breath. The camellia flower stuck just along the chords of your throat making it very difficult.
Jimin stares at you worryingly, having forgotten of your illness, "O- oh no. y/n, I'm sorry I forgot I- are you okay? Should we go back?" He stutters in concern before you hold up one finger, signaling him to shut the hell up. "-sorry."
Looking at you like this, tired and exhausted from having to put up with all his bullshit, Jimin feels a sudden urge to reach out and embrace you tightly, almost forgetting of his previous encounter with your brother.
And so that's exactly what he does.
You are caught off guard the moment you feel a hand grab your shoulder by means of pulling you closer all the while another rests just at your crook of spine, and although this first makes you stumble in a not-so-very prettily way, your destination is found to be in your friend's embrace, his fragile yet protective arms wrapped around you securely.
Not letting this moment simply pass by, you let yourself melt in his arms as you find the comfort meant to be found in his comforting hug, wrapping your arms around his neck as you slightly stand on your tippy toes. Somehow, your simple action makes him pull you even closer, one hand creeping behind your neck all the while his other is completely wrapped around your waist although this time is tighter than before.
As the two of you stay like this in the middle of the sliding glass doors of the hospital, crowds of unfamiliar voices passing by you and ambulances ringing endlessly against your ear, you let yourself submerge within the passion of your heart.
Amidst the chaos and cries of your nearingly counted days, you find consolation in the arms of the same man that has put you in front of death's door, and quite frankly, you wouldn't really want it any other way. You'll take what is given by the heavens above when it comes to Jimin, because well- you love him.
Unfortunately, that quick and simple thought is enough to make you lose control of your reminded disease.
"y-y/n what's- are you okay?" Jimin pulls away from you abruptly as you break into coughing fits, pastel pink camellia blossoms escaping your trembling lips.
The sight has caught the attention of many civilians, but both you and Jimin remain to be indifferent about them as you or more or less are occupied with your illness all the while Jimin specifically aims his attention on you alone.
"Alright that's it, screw your brother alright?" Jimin exclaims a bit louder than what you're comfortable with as this obviously did not benefit with the proceedingly growing public focus on the two of you, "-we're going back, y/n, it's my fault for bringing you outside so suddenly-"
"No chim, please-" You roughly attempt to speak out, your throat painfully extracting the feeling of abrasiveness, "Please just- let's just go."
"y/n.."
“Please chim,” you cut him off for what seemed to be the fiftieth time, coughing, “-please. I don’t want to be here any longer.”
Hesistant yet concerned, Jimin nods slowly as he assists your side, his hands finding its home around your waist and lower back while you both take short and careful strides. You destination is still unknown, but you didn’t mind. A journey a day with someone you love has never turned out for the worse.
At least that's what you think.
"Really?" You roll your eyes as you notice the familiar lane that Jimin's car just entered, "I asked you to get me out of the hospital area, I didn't ask for a sleepover, Jimin." You jokingly accuse him, but you can't help the smile that makes its way on your puffed-up face as you notice him smoothly take a side-glance at you with a knowing smirk.
"Well I thought that with all that bad hospital air, you might've wanted to breathe in a familiar scent," Jimin responds as the car comes to a stop.
You turn slightly to open the door and step out before you here a meek, "Jankkanman!" and perceive a 5'9 in height blondie come running around the bonnet in order to open the car door for you as a gentleman would. It is such a sweet and casual pantomime, yet an ill-patient diagnosed with an illness of the heart can never bring you any wins. Consequently, his actions only causes your throat to feel strained and compacted for the endless time.
God, how much did you love this man that such a simple gesture makes you want to cough out countless of fully bloomed flowers?
You thank the heavens above for your past endless experiences that allowed you to now be better in terms of hiding your pain as you attempt to smile genuinely, mumbling a small "thank you" in the process before making your way inside his home.
"So," Jimin starts as the two of you plop down his couch, his eyes seeking for yours as he tilts his head ever so lightly, "what should we do today... now that you're out of that hell hole?"
"Chim!" You scold him lightly, "my brother and your best friend just happens to be working in that hell hole, just in case you forgot, and- hey! You work there too, you ass." You accusingly point at him all the while hitting his arm playfully.
Jimin is was a nurse in that hospital. Your brother is a doctor.
He laughs and smiles widely, "Nope. I don't work there anymore, remember? But I did for a while, which is why I can most definitely testify that that place is indeed, a hell hole. And by the way, I'm kind of offended that you pretty much forgot my lost profession just then, y/n, like what the fuck?" He jokes endingly.
Your eyes soften slightly as he mentions his lack of job, yet you still stubbornly choose to ignore his last remark. "Well I sure hope that's not the case since I'll be most likely spending my last days there."
Oops.
The silence that ensues goes inevitably noticed by the two of you the moment those words escaped past your lips, but you paid no mind. That was the reason that you asked him to take you away anyways. You weren't hoping for some cliche romantic bullshit where the two of you simply elope and forget your real worries in your life, no. Instead you were here with the main purpose of facing it.
Besides, even if you did want to leave with him, you couldn't. Remember?
Jimin is the first to break the excessive blockade, "Don't say that y/n."
You sigh, "But it's true, chim."
"I don't give a shit if it's true or not."
"Chim.." You are slightly startled with his sudden outburst, caught off guard in the way his voice slightly raised as his attention and body language are now completely directed at you, "Wha- why are you getting mad?"
Jimin scoffs, almost irritated at your oblivious question, "Why? Because you're talking of dying like it's not a big deal, y/n!" His voice getting louder and louder by every word he spits out, "God, you know you can be so fucking insensitive sometimes. What, did you already forget the shit I suffered when I lost someone? Did you already forget all the fucking shit I suffered when death took her from me?"
At the mention of her, you pause. Speechless. Guilty. Hurt.
Of course you remember. How could you not? You remember the darkest of days as like it was just yesterday.
You remember getting that call in the middle of the night from the contact name of your brother as you slightly answered it in an irritated voice, "Joon I swear to God if you're asking me to drive you to work in the middle of the fucking night I will personally drag your ass right now to get a driver's liscenc-"
"y/n?"
You remember immediately stopping as you recognize the voice that most certainly did not belong to your brother, "Chim?"
"y- y/n."
You remember the outbreak of his sobs as you call out to him, his sniffles and cries becoming more and more prominent as you stumble on your feet, struggling with keeping your phone against and in between your ear and your shoulder as you hurryingly take off to grab a jacket and your keys, "Chim what's wrong, where the hell are you? W- where's Joon?"
You remember the way your heart dropped as your worst fear came to mind, the thought of losing your brother itself being enough to make you wobble in your feet, your heart clenching. He had your brother's phone, and he was crying.
"N-no, he- he's fine, y/n. It's not him, hyung's... hyung's fine."
You remember the way he struggled to find the right words; the way he sniffled and stuttered through forming such a simple sentence all the while you on the other side of the line breathe out a sigh of relief at the information of your brother's wellness, yet feeling slightly guilty that your emotions are in contrast with your friend's.
"It's Sung."
You remember Jimin's worst.
"It's Sung, y/n. Sh- she got in an accident on the way here to visit me during my off hours and- fuck! Some fucking demon pulled a hit and run on her. She was walking, y/n. She walked an hour here and got ran over by someone and.. they're doing an operation on her- hyung's assisting and he just- it's bad. It was really bad and she was bleeding all fucking over and- hyung, he- he left his phone and I didn't know what to do so I just called you- I didn't, they pushed me out of the room, y/n. I need you here. Please, please. Please come here because I'm losing my fucking mind and I need you here."
You remember driving to the hospital as careful as you can with the fear of the possibility of an accident occurring still in the midst of the back of your mind.
You remember reaching the doors of the emergency room and being greeted with a pair of reddened and exhausted eyes that looked up the moment you walked in, "Jin."
He stands up to greet you politely but you stop him, obviously seeing that his reaction upon seeing you is no more than a forced delight, "Let's not do this under these circumstances, okay? You're allowed to feel unwelcoming. It's okay, Jin."
He does no more than mumble a small 'thank you' before going back to his previous spot with you trudging along beside him.
You remember feeling the sorrow of the man beside you as you watch him lean his head back against the wall, fragile streaks of tears rolling down his flushed cheeks. You couldn't imagine his pain, the pain of such a situation where your sister's life is at stake. You wanted to comfort him, to softly rub his back and whisper sweet encouragements against his ear, little white lies that his sister is guaranteed to make it without a doubt. But you couldn't. You weren't here for him, regardless of your history. Regardless of the way you left him the morning after your supposed mistake.
"Uhm, have you seen Jimin?"
You remember the way his void eyes find yours and the way his lips lightly upturn as he gives you a forced smirk, trying to keep up with his image of being Kim Seokjin, Kim Sungkyung's handsome and cocky older brother, "And here I was thinking fate brought you here to me, y/n." He trails off, "-considering how you fucked me then dipped."
You gasp slightly and playfully hit his arm at the blunt mention of your regretted one night stand as you give him a small yet genuine smile, partly glad yet at the same time worried that he can make such remarks during a situation like this.
It was strange really, how everything in your life seemed to be connected. How on the day you felt your heart tore apart the time Jimin first mentioned his planned proposal, you went out and accidentally slept with the soon-to-be-bride's older brother.
Letting out a small sigh, Jin nods his head in the direction of a different waiting room, "He left when I came. Guess he was embarrassed of how fucked up he was but hey- I'm not doing any fucking better am I?" He tells you, subtly pointing at the very visible streaks of tears still falling down his now puffy face.
You get on your feet and turn to leave but not before giving one last glance at the man next to you, a hand softly reaching to rub his shoulder, "I'm so sorry, Jin. I wish I could stay, but-"
"It's okay, y/n. Go." Jin encourages you with a small yet noticeably forced smile, "He needs you."
And so you do, bidding him a soft goodbye before taking off, your eyes beginning to water out of the guilt of leaving a friend in that state.
You then remember being suffocated. Suffocated from the embrace that greeted you the moment Jimin entered your peripheral vision. You remember landing on your behind with a harsh thud from the struggle of Jimin's weight as he continues to seek your embrace for means of comfort, the two of you falling down the floor. You remember getting drenched from Jimin's tears as you cradle him as would a wailing child, rocking him back and forth all the while softly rubbing his back, whispering every bit of amenity that could make him feel better.
You remember feeling your heart physically ache as you fail to notice the tears that have fallen down your own eyes, blurring your sight.
To see Jimin in this state, so broken and hurt and scared, it tore you apart. You wanted him happy. You wanted him smiling. You wanted him. You loved him. And God forbid that you're admitting this in your own mind while his fiance is battling for her own life, but fuck.
You wanted nothing more than to lay down your own life for Sung so that she could continue in existence for him.
If you could, you would take here place.
You would die for her, for him.
You remember pushing back your thoughts as you put focusing on Jimin your first priority. You remember keeping him in a neverending tight embrace as he neverendingly sobs against your chest, his lips leaving prayers you could barely yet still tried to understand;
please don't let her die
don't take her away from me
i love her too much
i still have to marry her.
You then remember hearing a wail of anguish, putting a pause to both Jimin's silent pleas and your eavesdropping as the both of your heads turn to pinpoint from whom the noise came from.
You remember the way Jimin stilled.
"No."
You remember his whisper of such a small, two-lettered word, yet somehow it caused your heart to crumble.
"No no no no-"
You remember having to tackle Jimin slightly as he causes a mess of himself, punching the seats and harshly tugging on his hair all the while screaming wails of pain and suffering, "Jimin please-"
"No- get the fuck off of me! Sung?!"
You remember how Jimin lost sight of reality as he pushes you off of him, your body making in contact with the cold tiled ground.
"SUNG? SUNG! LET ME INSIDE-"
You remember seeing nurses and other staff pull the man you love back as he causes a scene, starting to become physical and violent with the people surrounding him, "PLEASE! Please- I just- I NEED TO SEE HER! SHES MY FIANCE-"
You remember seeing a man dressed in blue make his way near Jimin, a needle in his hand.
"H-hey, no!" You remember trying to catch up to the nurse, attempting to prevent them from giving whatever the shot was to Jimin, "Stop! Please-"
"y/n. D-don't."
You remember feeling a hand on your shoulder which makes you turn around instantly, only to find the culprit behind the anguished scream just moments prior Jimin's outburst.
"Jin." You start, "-they're going to sedate him. That- that's not okay."
"They have to, y/n." Another voice calls out from behind Jin, "I know how it seems and I don't like it either, b-but he's becoming violent. They have to sedate him."
"Joon." You whisper softly.
What a sick and twisted game that life is playing on you, that your brother, Jimin's best friend, Jimin's best man at the wedding being planned, is the one to give news of the bride's passing.
"Sung, is she really.." You trail off, not having the heart to finish your sentence.
It seems neither does he, as he responds with nothing but a simple avoidance of eye contact.
"HYUNG!"
You remember Jimin's faint and tired yet still firm voice as he calls out your brother, "Hyung, you saved her didn't you? You- you were part of the surgery. You saved her didn't you? Didn't you!?" Jimin is weak as he trails off his words as the effect of the syringe takes its course, but that doesn't stop him from reaching out to the three of you, "H-hyung. Tell me you saved her. P-please tell me you saved h-her."
Namjoon doesn't stop the tear that rolls down his hardened face as he only shakes his head, "I'm sorry, Jimin. We did our best. We really, really did. I'm so sorry-"
You remember the way Namjoon's voice trails off your hearing as your throat suddenly feels contracted. You remember the itching pain just within your chest as you find the struggle to breath, your hand clutching it harshly. You remember stumbling back just a little bit as you feel lightheaded, thinking that these were only from the overwhelming happenings in that moment.
But then you cough.
And you cough
and you cough
and you cough.
But no one notices you.
Not even yourself.
Your attention remains still at Jimin, who has now dropped completely to the floor, tears still continuously spilling out of his drowsy eyes. Short breaths are released from his trembling lips as he mumbles words that none of you can understand. He then begins to seemingly reach out for something, someone.
"P-please," He whispers.
And as you bend down almost immediately to attend to his calls, you cough.
And you cough
and you cough.
And still no one notices.
No one except him.
You cough as your eyes find his, barely open yet staring right at you from the lows of the floor.
You remember having to excuse yourself and run to the nearest restroom you can find, legs trembling and stumbling on your way there as you push against the winds of the almost empty halls, still coughing with every step you take. And just as you reach the doors of the restroom, you turn back slightly, just enough to catch Jimin's last sight while his body is being carried away to where you guess is a vacant patient's room, all this before his eyes ultimately close.
Eyes you found lastly staring at you.
You remember finally shutting the door and locking it, thanking God silently that you're in a family restroom hence there is no one else inside. You cough desperately, your throat beginning to feel exclusively sore and your lungs beginning to tighten from all the air being released as you cough and cough and cough again.
You reach out to the sink, gripping tightly onto the white metals as you cough and cough and cough again.
You then brushingly turn to the toilet, your eyes watering and lips numbing as you cough and you cough and you cough once more.
You practically clean the whole restroom, as disgusting as that sounds, from all the moving you made as you coughed anywhere and everywhere. You felt awful for the next person to come inside, now that your bacterium were practically in its every corner, side, and space. You cough again, this time harder, the worst one out of the previous.
You remember sensing a certain feeling rise up, something soft yet itchy, something light yet heavy.
And so you cough, and you cough, and you cough, and you cough,
and you bleed.
And amongst the red is a pink.
A single, individual pink petal from what you would soon find out is a camellia flower - the flower that is soon to be the latter symbolization of death chasing you, growing closer, inching nearer, just about to knock on your door.
So of course you remember Jimin's distraught. Of course you remember Sung's - his fiance's death.
Because her death was too, the ultimate beginning of yours.
taglist for part 2?
#jimin#jimin angst#bts fic#angst bts#bts#bts x reader#jimin x reader#park jimin x reader#jimin fluff#jimin fanfic#bts angst#bts unrequited love#unrequited love#hanahaki#park jimin#bts fanfction#bts one shot#jimin fantasy#bts sad#bts jimin#bts fluff#bts x reader angst#jimin x reader angst#namjoon#fanfiction#jin#seokjin#kim seokjin#hanahaki disease#park jimin angst
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Butterfly Blood // update 1
woo! first writing update on this WIP so far! (Finally!!). Since I don't want to include huge spoilers on this book, as I might one day end up publishing (who knows), I will be splitting these posts into chatting about my process, character development, edits etc. and then include extracts that aren't too spoilery! I think it'll be okay for the first sections of the book, especially as alot of the first few chapters is character building and imagery to set the scene, tone and atmosphere.
Also, the working title of "Bleeding Out" that I HATED with a PASSION is finally gone! My novel is now called Butterfly Blood based on a excerpt way in the future of the story. (Which I'm very excited to share c: )
I wrote the prologue after I’d finished the first chapter, to introduce the book and it’s mystery in a more captivating way than it had initially been introduced.
Frog finds himself underground in the middle of a forest with no knowledge of his surrounds, his past, or his identity. He clings to one certainty, that he is and was raised by frogs. (This book is a bit wack, just roll with it.)
As he crawls into the middle of the road, a truck starts hurtling toward him and careens off the road last minute. The driver drops down and searches for for Frog, but cannot find anyone.
There is no blood, no screaming, no mangled man wailing on the ground. Reluctantly, the driver withdraws from the dark and locks himself in the enclosed cabin of his truck, steadying his breathing.
As the exhaust sputters to life again, and tires tug against the initial friction of the gravel, the disappearance twists the driver’s thoughts.
His passenger clings with sticky tree frog palms to the trucks stomach; well-oiled organs huffing heat and fumes onto his face.
So this book actually began with a very horribly written chapter. The structure was a mess and for some reason I kept bombarding the reader with information about my main character Rowan and really pushing forward the idea that she’s an energetic person... Which was stiff and just poor writing, honestly. (Also, I've changed my ideas since about how I want to characterise her.) But out of the 3000 word (approx) start, there were salvageable aspects, and those went into the first chapter along with a lot more fleshing out of the scenes, setting and character. I also finally decided on a tense and perspective after being super inconsistent with it and unable to make my mind up.
But! We got there in the end, I just thought I’d share my struggle since writing is not a perfect process and there is a lot of rearranging, and sometimes it feels like pulling teeth.
The premise of this chapter is to set the scene of Blackerwick (a fictional, dreary british seaside town), introduce Rowan (our main character), and the complex relationship with her father, who has become insular over the past month before the story starts.
—excerpts;
A little world building and set up!
Everything about the sleepy town Rowan’s family had moved to is soaked in a distinct achromatic despondency. Inland residents slumped and slogged in their routines, never caring to change them, almost afraid of living. It had confused Rowan at first when she’d come here from Ireland at fourteen, how much the dull town contrasted its landscape. It seemed undeserving of such beauty; a tall mountain range to the left of Blackerwick, and beyond it a city; wide stretches of moors headed toward the forests, and beyond the forests—the ocean. It was as if all the world’s natural beauties had congregated here millions of years ago as the earth slid into place, waiting for settlers to enjoy it. They didn’t even seem to notice.
Fading out of view behind her, a mangle of dark rooftops mesh amongst each other, a severe contrast to the pallidly painted house fronts, and chimneys slice into the sky, puffing endlessly on their pipes.
Hot air is exhaled from the horizon, tugging striking, unruly orange hair from her heavy ponytail as it whistles past her face. She closes her eyes peacefully against the feverish winds, her clothes buffeting and pounding as if fighting it off. Grinning, she leans toward the sea, trusting its breath to hold her weight.
In the course of this chapter Rowan has had an altercation with her teacher and gotten a detention, pushed through the forests toward the beach, and now is returning home. She rouses her dad’s attention by feigning a headache, because he doesn’t bother with her unless he sees she is in pain etc. Now for some quality mild gore!
Turning, she leans in to hug him when she realises there’s blood gushing from her nose.
“Oh shit! Shit, shit, shit! Not again!” Rowan scoops shaking hands to her nose, tacky blood spilling over her fingertips. “Dad, Dad!”
He is already on it, tipping her head back into his cupped palm, holding tissues tightly to her nose. She wheezes and sputters, the world spinning as she lurches toward the sink, clinging to the draining board to keep her balance. Everything red, the four walls of the kitchen, red. Her blurring vision, red. Everything bleeding like her gums beneath grinding teeth as she bites down on the impulse to say something. She wants to scream, or throw up, head swimming as her world tilts upside down. Her skull rests in her father’s strong palm, a fleshy safety net.
Wash your mouth out with soap, ma’am.
I was considering having Rowan not swear around her father, but her mother is pretty aggressive and her dad (Karmen) swears regularly, so it doesn’t seem too outrageous anymore. (I could never, my mum would flip).
When the bleeding slows finally, and her chin closes in on her neck again she notices her father’s shirt is covered with dried, grubby gore. It looks like he is bleeding out from a deep gash notched into his chest. His heart clawed savagely from its dwelling.
Karmen being a worried dad is best dad;
“You said not again.” He says finally, as she gathers herself, filling glass after glass with water and gulping hungrily, throat tilted toward the sky.
“I’ve been getting more than usual recently.” She replies nonchalantly.
“That’s shouldn’t be normal.” He says.
Rowan shrugs, “I’ve always been prone to bleeding and bruising.” As if to defend herself or prove her case, she pulls down her jeans slightly, revealing a black contusion on her hip. It fades into swarthy purple and blue; a gradient discolouring her pale freckled skin; a deep ink blot, as if the flesh had been punctured with a fountain pen.
Her dad hisses sharply. “How did you do that? I told you not to go into those woods anymore!”
Ok! Enough blood! I really made nosebleeds overly dramatic lol.
Anywho!
the first 2000 ish words of this chapter follow Frog (he's later named Mint), and let me tell you, his perspective came so naturally, and was such an interesting world view to write in. I'm not saying i like him, but I enjoy writing him for sure.
This chapter was initially 2100 words and I intended it to be a brief introduction of mint, but I merged it with the next one because I thought they joined together nicely. The other aspects of this chapter introduce more of the friend group (honestly the only relevent characters within this group are Damian and Jamie, the rest are low-key assholes) and set up later events.
—excerpts;
Mint is wandering in the forest, and hunting.
He slinks into step with the deer as it rises, shaking his head as it shakes its placid mane. Serenity slices the air in two.
Frog strikes.
The blade almost glitters in the air as it shoots toward the limpid animal’s vulnerable throat, veins pulsing beneath frosty, translucent fur. Incorporeal beast. A surreptitious streak in the night, headfirst, embedding with a gurgle and a coarse, barbaric scream. Deer’s aren't meant to sound like this. Like a human, like something capable of feeling and hurting. Frog wriggles the blade out of its fleshy sheath and exhales into a whistle. He looks gleefully at the drowned grass damp with blood. Gushing over his squirming toes.
Its crown tumbles to the soil, antlers embedding deep into the foliage at Frogs feet. He sits beside Stag on the floor laden with pine needles--wreathing its glazed face like christ’s crown-- and strokes the un-bloodied fur of its forehead, holding its unblinking, waxy glare. Frog is the victor.
Frog/Mint is hunting! He kills a stag! Then he brutally dissects it;
Peeling away at the thick membrane enshrouding Stag's skull, with tender interest, Frog carves muscle and fat from its head, pellucid and opaline, dropping the pale crumbs of carcass onto the ground. The deer’s dense ghost is not yet cold in his crimson tinted hands.
Rowan feeling numb, because oh boy us writers like to see our characters in pain;
The water is scalding. Rowan breaks out in goose bumps. Catching her reflection in the rippling bathwater she almost doesn’t recognise herself. Flushed, pale cheeks. All sharp edges, cheekbones slicing beneath the eyes, graceful slanting nose scooping down into a slight point. Her lips protrude from her face, full and large, accommodating an easy smile. Rowan pulls her downturned lips into a small grin. The constructed happiness blurs in the water. Holding her breath, she leans into the baths hot grip, filling with her fiery hair.
The silence smudges in her ears.
I also wrote some banter-y dialogues but I think I'll share them another time... After they've been edited.... a heck ton... There's an over exaggerated smoking description in this chap too but I've shared that before heh :)
I hope you enjoyed this LONG overdue chapter update! So far there are 7 chapters, so I have a lot of updating to catch up on! :)
I don’t have a tag list at the moment, but if you’re interested in this wip and want to be on it, then please send me an ask or a comment and I’ll add you :)
Tag list, ask to be added or removed;
@alicewestwater @elaz-ivero @coffeeandcalligraphy @hanwatchingmovies @sirfitzroys @chloeswords @nev-953
#writing#writeblr#chapter update#writing update#novel update#chapter excerpt#excerpts from my writing#writing excerpt#novel excerpt#wip excerpt#wip#novel wip#novel drafting#butterfly blood
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Love Confessions (2) Masterlist
Links Last Checked: September 10th, 2022
part one, part three
fics where one confesses their love to the other
A Million Dreams (ao3) - asteroidlindsey
Summary: It’s less than an hour until Phil turns 31 and Dan just has to tell him something before the clock strikes midnight.
Between the Sheets (ao3) - benotafraidofwriting
Summary: Dan and Phil are currently touring America by car. One night, they run into a problem in their motel room: there's only one bed.
Dan doesn’t like Harry Styles (ao3) - Misha_with_wings
Summary: At a big awards event Dan and Phil find themselves alone in a room with Harry Styles. Harry seems to enjoy flirting with Phil while Dan’s blood boils, he wants Phil- Harry can’t have him, but he keeps his mouth shut and watches the relationship happen.
Double Date (ao3) - dangirlphillie
Summary: When Dan accidentally asks out a lesbian couple on a double date, he and Phil are forced to pretend they've been dating for years on a night out a town.
Drunken Confessions - fiction-phan
Summary: “We’re co workers who hate each other but you had too much to drink at the christmas staff party and admitted your love for me. I don’t know how to act around you now.”
goodnight n go (ao3) - wekingsandprettythings
Summary: Dan and Phil fall for each other over a grainy skype call in 2009.
Hungry Eyes (ao3) - Cougar88
Summary: Dan and Phil have a movie night before final preparations for their Interactive Introverts tour. Phil makes ‘tea’, and things unexpectedly escalate.
I Can’t Sleep Without You - phanfictionvevo
Summary: Phil has insomnia and refuses to sleep with Dan because he doesn’t want to keep him awake, but maybe sleeping with Dan is exactly what he needs.
Locked Down (ao3) - wekingsandprettythings
Summary: When a bunch of murders leave London on lock down, Dan and Phil find themselves facing their biggest fears and admitting their feelings.
Maybe I Miss You (ao3) - Misha_with_wings
Summary: Phil leaves Dan for several months to temporarily live in New York City and work on a movie set.
The distance between them drove them both insane, but neither of them could voice the reason why.
When Dan comes to visit Phil in New York his feelings are threatened to spill after an encounter with one of Phil’s new friends, but he keeps lying- to both Phil and himself.
Hopefully he can eventually tell the truth, because Phil gets another long-term job opportunity in California and Dan can’t take any more distance.
Motivation (ao3) - Sacirin
Summary: When Dan and Phil play a video game for days on end until they complete it, they need some sort of motivation. But Dan may not be ok with just what they have, and he may also be a completely oblivious pining idiot who's too hard on himself.
Phone Pranks And Confessions - dxnhowell
Summary: Dan pranks Phil by changing all the contacts in his phone to his number. A couple weeks later, Phil still hasn’t figured it out until he sends a text that was meant to be for Louise, but Dan ends up seeing it.
Red Letters And Love Confessions - philbyte-fanfic
Summary: Dan has been writing letters to Phil for many years, so what happened when Phil comes across one.
Seeking A Friend For The End Of The World - winkinglester
Summary: An asteroid is going to hit Earth in 16 hours, thus ending humanity. Confessions come out. Awkward times ensue.
Sexercise - dark-days-dark-nights-xx
Summary: “Confession: My friend is working out and getting bigger. I can’t help but think about him topping me and pounding me looking at his new muscles.”
Spin For You (Like Your Favourite Records Used To) (ao3) - stylinshaw
Summary: "His home is right beside him, driving their little rented car on a road he’s never been on."
(Or, Dan and Phil on a roadtrip. Confessions are made.)
The Space Between Us (ao3) - alphapavlikovsky (orphan_account)
Summary: Inspired by the songs 'Circus' and 'Toxic' by Britney Spears
Dan goes out for the night and won't tell Phil where he's going, so Phil and Louise decide to go on a night out to a club. They're a little shocked to see the night's entertainment.
Under One Condition - phan-panda
Summary: Dan confesses his feelings to Phil, hoping to convince him to not to move out. His confession leads to an outcome he would have never predicted.
What makes him happy (ao3) - winstonlives
Summary: 2009 Dan Vs 2018 Dan the same things still make him happy.
You Can Sleep in My Bed (ao3) - clokkerfoot
Summary: Three times Dan and Phil sleep together, and one time they really sleep together.
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