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katiemcabeswife · 5 months

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Necklace

(Katie McCabe x Fem!Reader)

You lost your necklace and you need it back.

Word Count: 1K

The final whistle sounded throughout the stadium and the girls on the pitch almost simultaneously dropped their chins to their chest in defeat. The game went alright but Liverpool ended up getting a goal just after halftime and you, nor the girls, could find the opportunity to equalise it, let alone go one further.

After shaking hands with the other team and the refs, you did your routine of clapping the audience and taking photos with fans.

This wasn’t your first game and this wasn’t your first loss, you understood that sometimes you don’t play as well as you could have and sometimes the other team is just better so you understood the confusion on the girls' faces when you started crying.

Whilst you didn’t get any goals, you did have a blinder of a match. You successfully saved 5 balls from going into the box and won a few tricky challenges, anyone with 1 working eye could tell you did well.

A necklace that normally sat around your neck was always a comfort, whether you lost or won, it reminded you of the hugs you used to get from your mother and holding it between your fingers was the closest you could get to that now. So when you reached for your neck and found that it was bare, tears instantly sprung to your eyes.

You looked around you briefly before the tears started to pour. You had been all over the field and fell over on all sides, it literally could have been anywhere. One hand had gone to your mouth and the other over your heart, you were trying not to hyperventilate but you needed to find that necklace.

You jumped slightly when hands settled on your shoulders, “It’s ok love, losses happen, we’ll get ‘em next time.” Your girlfriend, Katie, soothed.

You shook your head and let out a breath, “No, no, no,” You were trying to catch your breath and couldn’t express that you didn’t care that you lost.

“It is though love, you played beautifully, player of the match if it were up to me.” She tried to joke.

You took a deep breath and swallowed, “My necklace is gone,” Katie’s face dropped and she pulled you into a hug.

“Alright, do you remember if you had it before the match?”

“I did, I always make sure it’s on, and and,” You had to take another deep breath, “I always kiss it when the whistle sounds. I definitely had it.”

She moved to be an arm's length away and nodded, “Right, did you have it at halftime? On the pitch and in the room?”

You tried to think back, “Umm…” You shook your head as you couldn’t think.

“It’s alright love, it won’t be far and it won’t walk away on its own. Take a deep breath and try to think.”

You put your arm over your eyes and tried to even your breathing, “Um. I-I had it when I went to the bathroom at half-time.”

Katie clapped her hands, “Great! I’ll go look in the toilets. You go look it the room and then we’ll meet in the tunnel and look there, alright?”

You nodded and Katie took your head between her hands and kissed you on your forehead before pulling you, jogging slightly towards the tunnel. You looked everywhere in the room, high and low and Katie did the same in the bathrooms.

When you saw Katie waiting for you in the tunnel, talking to Jonas, you knew she hadn't found it and began to cry again.

"Hey, Y/N, we will find it, I've already got the girls looking on the pitch," Jonas spoke calmly although it did little to console you. You nodded and left with Katie, who wrapped her arms around your shoulders, to look for the necklace on the pitch.

The sight of all the girls looking warmed your heart. You were close with all of them so they all knew the history of the necklace. It had been passed through 3 generations and whilst your mother never got to physically hand it down to you before her premature death, it was a little piece of her with you all the time and it bought you solace before games and after losses.

Your heart melted a little bit more when you saw that a few girls from the other team were also looking. You heard your name being screamed from the crowd and when you turned around and saw a bunch of fans pointing at the floor you ran over to them, trying not to get your hopes up.

“Hi Y/N! After you took a photo with me, I noticed that a necklace fell on the floor, is it yours? Is that what you guys are looking for?” A girl no older than 16 asked you. You bent towards where the girl was pointing and found your necklace. You hugged the jewellery to your chest before hugging the girl in front of you.

“Thank you so much, you have no idea how much this necklace means to me,” You said while hugging the girl.

“You're welcome, thank you for being you. I love watching you play and it encourages me to play my best. I wish to become you someday.” The girl spoke.

“Oh my gosh, aren’t you the sweetest, here,” You took off your shirt and gave it to her and called out for a sharpie. Someone ran over to you and you signed the shirt before hugging her once again.

“Thank you,” She said while crying.

“No, thank you,” You said.

You turned around to tell the girls that the necklace had been found but you saw them watching you. You made your way over and hugged Katie who then gave you her jacket.

“Turn around, I'll put it back on you,” She smiled. When you turned around you were facing all of the girls.

“Thank you guys so much for looking,” You were still crying but you laughed as you wiped your tears. A round of ‘no worries’ and ‘your welcome’ came from the group before they swarmed you and hugged you.

After the group dispersed Katie came up and gave you another hug, “You alright now?” She spoke calmly.

You nodded into her neck, “Thank you for looking. And for getting everyone else to look, I love you.”

“I love you too,”

#woso x reader #arsenal wfc x reader #katie mccabe x reader #katie mccabe #arsenal

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ryuichirou · 1 month

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If you don't mind me just kinda talking to the void in your ask box, seeing so many people come here and talk about how much of a refuge it is to come to this blog and separate themselves from the anti rhetoric found literally everywhere else really got me thinking about how it really is such a huge breath of fresh air. It really is sad (and concerning) to see how common place the anti mindset has become in modern day fandom culture. I want to say I don't understand the mindset, but as an ex-anti myself, I actually do to an extent and it's really sad to think about one of the ways that leads so many people into this mindset.

If any of this makes any sense, in a way, it's essentially brainwashing. For a lot of people, young teens especially, you are essentially brainwashed into believing fiction actually does equal reality, brainwashed into believing that if you like these "problematic" tropes from fiction it says a lot about who you are as a person. And from how I interpret it, this thought process essentially preys on one's want to be liked by those around them and/or their fear of rejection. I know for me that's exactly what led me down that path, so many of my friends at the time all those years ago (like a decade ago at least) essentially told me shipping incest ships was like them shipping myself with my sibling. That was such a gross thought that for someone young and impressionable like I was then, it started worming the idea into my brain that enjoying ships like that really did mean I was a gross and horrible person. And the fact that I didn't want to lose those friends especially contributed to further brainwashing me to believe that mindset, because the worry always was that if you think otherwise, if you enjoy those "problematic" tropes, suddenly you're a disgusting person and you lose everyone you care about.

Joining these... Well, what's basically echo chambers of this thought process certainly didn't help, and absolutely contributed to furthering this brainwashing too. Because now that you start to believe that enjoying tropes that are "problematic" makes you a horrible person, you got this echo chamber confirming this is true, it's telling of who a person is, and you should be thankful that you don't like that stuff because it means you're not a predator or an abuser or whatever horrible thing you could call someone who hasn't even done anything as heinous as what real predators and abusers have done. And it's so concerning cause I think about how I'm lucky at the very least I was in these echo chambers with those who were my age or around my age at the time. But I so badly worry for those who are young teens in these echo chambers with full grown adults with the worst of intentions, cause for all the preaching of "problematic content is only consumed by groomers," a lot of these adult antis sure can be heinous hypocrites.

This basically turned into a whole essay at this point lol, but I think what I'm just getting at is that it's sad. It's sad seeing how predatory the anti mindset is, how anxiety and paranoia inducing the culture surrounding this mindset can become, and yet it's so widely common place in modern day fandom. It's been a few years since I've, for a lack of better terms, essentially had to be deprogrammed from this mindset myself, and even then sometimes I find myself reverting to old thoughts before having to remind myself "these characters are literally lines on a screen, they do not exist in the physical plane." So when I see people call your blog a form of refuge, I really gotta wholeheartedly agree on that. I truly do feel as though your blog, and other dark fiction fan content I will look for, helps keep me grounded. Your blog brings me back to the days before I fell deep into the anti mindset, to the days I was happily shipping anyone and anything together from Homestuck without a care of how old one character was compared to the other or how related the two characters were, and literally writing out these complex shipping charts on the school whiteboards during class periods when the classroom was empty except for me, my friends, and the teacher.

I guess this whole thing got out of hand omg, but ultimately TLDR; damn the anti mindset absolutely sucks ass, and as someone who used to be an anti I can understand on one side as to how one can end up falling deep into the rhetoric. Your blog is absolutely a breath of fresh air from all the anti bullshit I gotta sift through on a daily basis all because I want to enjoy fandom made content in the modern day, and it reminds me just how I may be considered a cringe weird little freak by most outsiders, but damn am I extremely happy to be a cringe weird little freak right now 💗💗

Posting this one separately, because it’s very big lol but also very important, and thank you from both of us for sharing your thoughts and your experience! Reading it was a wonderful way to start a day.

I am very grateful and happy that people consider our blog a space where they can talk about these things. Creating such a place was never our intention, but if our stubborn self-indulgence makes people feel good in any way in our current fandom climate, then… I don’t know, this is just the best thing to hear. That vibe you described, you know, shipping Homestuck characters, giving 0 fucks, oh my god SHIPPING CHARTS ON A SCHOOL WHITEBOARD… This feels like home lol And this is what a fandom experience should be all about. Talking to your friends, discussing stupid things, not taking anything too seriously and thoroughly enjoying yourself and the media you consume. I really want to cherish this feeling.

It’s amazing that you left the anti mindset and don’t torture yourself anymore. You are completely right that this is brainwashing and one of the main reasons this phenomenon exists is because kids want to be liked and are scared of being rejected and ridiculed. It is natural, every generation has this thing that teens consider lame or bad and shit on it constantly. But when the moral aspect of it plays such a big role and when it makes people hate themselves for their interests and cope with it by attacking and harassing strangers on the internet, calling them slurs, doxxing them, suicide-encouraging them, or, hell, even implying that they wanna fuck their relatives for no fucking reason, it makes the whole thing dangerous.

I really hope more people either discover the joy of not taking media too seriously, but being passionate about it… or just, you know, dip from fandom spaces and do their own thing. The truth is that if this whole idea didn’t exist and weren’t so popular, the majority of people wouldn’t give a fuck about it, just like it had been before.

I am not a time-traveler, but for some reason I am sure that people who spend their teenage years agonising over not being able to ship themselves with a character after they reach a certain age, as if they’re not allowed to grow older or as if they can change it, or harassing artists for shipping characters together, won’t look back at this and feel any kind of warmth, nostalgia or satisfaction. It’s better to be cringe but to be passionate and earnest about things that you like than hurt others in order to make people like you. When you leave these groups of people, you’re usually left only with yourself and your feelings, and my guess is that looking back you just feel upset about your experience of being a fan of something instead of feeling like you’ve had a good time enjoying the thing you like.

Once again, thank you so much for this ask. And thank you for being here with us.

#replies

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dumbass-tumbler-cryptid · 5 months

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Hi, I'm wondering if you've watched/read The Hunger Games and if so, what do you think it would be like in the world of Avatar? (I mean the district of the characters, who would be from the Capitol and who would be in the arena, etc.) I just came back from the movie The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes and Spider reminds me a lot of the character of Sejanus lol

Hello! I'm not the biggest Hunger Games fan to be honest. I think it just got over hyped for me. The series was everywhere back when I was in middle school. I read the first two book but I think they might have been above my reading level at the time so i didn't understand them very well back then. I saw movies one through three but I just didn't care enough to see Mockingjay part 2 so to this day I never have. None of this to say I disliked the series. I find a lot about it very interesting actually. And also while watching explainer videos on the Hunger Games series to refresh my memory on what happens to answer your ask, it kinda made me want to try reading the series again. Or at least watch all the movies. So thanks for possibly sparking a side obsession anon, lol.

Anyway I've got tones of ideas for this Au.

To start off with lets break down all the parent.

First off Quaritch and Paz are both from district 7. Quaritch came from a more wealthy carpentry family and Paz comes from the poorest section of district 7 the Yard. Quaritch was reaped for the Hunger Games when he was 15 and was an absolute monster, zeroing in on an ax placed in the cornucopia and immediately using it to butcher the careers. It was one of the fastest, most brutal Hunger Games on record.

His parents where so disgusted with him afterwards that they disowned him. Not that he cared. He had a sweet set up in the victors village. No neighbors, just complete and utter peace (accept for the constant memories of the hellish things he'd done that plagued his every sleepless night) He was forced to become a mentor after that. He did his best every year to try and help his charges survive. They just never did.

After some years of mentoring he met Paz Socorro. She was the daughter of two criminals who where long since passed leaving her an orphan of the yard. She didn't cry or scream like many other did when she was reaped. The seventeen year old held her head high, marched onto the stage and with a biting smirk said "this fucking sucks." Paz was charismatic as hell during her interview charming the Capital with her surprising wit and beauty for someone as low born as her. Quaritch was very impressed by not only this but her physical prowess as well. She was surprisingly strong, agile as hell, and well versed in poisonous flora and fauna. But only in front of him. During training she was weak and helpless, "pathetically" watching everyone else unable to do anything but look pretty for the cameras. She purposely tanks her training score (an act that drives Quaritch insane). No one sees her as a threat in the slightest. During the games she simply runs away, not bothering to take a single thing from the cornucopia. Instead she hides. She's so well hidden that even the camera have trouble finding her sometimes. She sneaks around her forest arena stealing useful objects off of dead bodies, watching her opponents from the shadows as they pick each other off. She analyzes her surrounding for things that can be useful as well. edible plants, drinkable water. And a nest of extremely venomous mutant spiders that she's very familiar with from back home. Luckily she also knows what plants they hate and makes a repellent so the spiders won't bite her. But they will attack the group of careers that are hunting her down before they start killing each other. She purposely leaves her tracks all the way to the spiders nest, disturbing them so they attack, doing most of her dirty work for her. For the last remaining tribute that only narrowly avoided the archaeid trap Paz brutally bludgeoned him to death with a large rock thus winning the games.

She moved into the victors village after that. President Snow tried to force Paz into prostitution much like Johanna Mason in the series but here she could basically just laugh in his face and tell him to fuck off. She was beloved by the Capital and had no family or friends that he could hold hostage or kill out of revenge. He had no power over her. And so Snow left waiting for the day when he could seek revenge against the woman the defied him. Paz lived alone for a long time. Her and Quaritch never really talked much until it had been a full ten years since her Hunger Games. Then she went up to him one day while he was woodworking in his backyard and in a voice that was surprisingly soft for such a brash woman asked, "does it ever get easier. living with the..."

"no." Quaritch answered. they started spending more time together after that slowly but surely building a bond neither ever believed themselves capable of after everything they'd been through.

Tonowari and Ronal are obviously from district 4 and competed in the games in different years, Tonowari at 15, Ronal at 17. They both managed to win in their respective games because the arena was aquatic themed in those years, giving them the advantage.

Next Grace, Jake, and Neytiri are all from district 11

Grace was 15 when she was in the Hunger Games, getting by in a similar way to Paz using her mind more than sheer force, setting deadly traps all over the arena that eventually lead to her victory. She became a mentor after that. She was there for Jake when he volunteered at 16. Jake comes from a wealthy family in the Estates in district 11. His father was a peacekeeper. Jake never planned on volunteering for the games and hoped his name would never be drawn but he alway tried to prepare for the possibility, keeping physically fit, training with his father's guns, and any other weapon he could get his hands on. If nothing else Jake could always become a peacekeeper like his father and excelle through the ranks with his skill. His twin brother Tom was never interested in such things. Said the odds where to low to worry about either of them ever being reaped. So it came as quite the shock to him when his name was called. Jake knew his brother would never be able to survive and so he volunteered to go instead. And the Capital loved him for it. Jake was great on camera, he earned a 7 training score, and got a lot of sponsors. He was able to win but the final fight was brutal. He delivered the finishing blow to career from district 2, right as the other guy stabbed a knife right through Jake's low back severing his spinal cord and instantly paralyzing him.

Neytiri was reaped and won at age 15, two year after Jake. Her older sister Sylwanin had been reaped and killed in the games a few year before and it had devastated her. She was terrifed of being reaped herself one day but couldn't let that fear take over her life. And so she trained. Her parents were extremely supportive not wanting to lose another child. Her father helping her make her bow, and would help her train in the dead of night, keeping watch for peacekeepers. Her mother taught her all about deadly flora and fauna. She was well prepared when they called her name. Neytiri amazed all of Panem with her ability with a bow and arrow, her animal like veracity, surprising stealth and impressive nature knowledge. She let most of the tributes pick each other off, carving out her own little territory to hide in the meantime, killing anyone that came close. In the end when there were only a few left she snuck up on them in the dead of night and went beast mode (I'm pretty much thinking about that scene from Way of Water)

When Neytiri got to the victors village Jake was immediately enamored by her. Neytiri wanted nothing to do with him. But much like Quaritch and Paz, Jake and Neytiri found it hard to relate to other after everything they'd been through and took solace in each other.

So fast forward some years to the kids.

A few months after Neytiri had Neteyam, Grace gave birth as well, but then seemingly died weeks later under mysterious circumstances, leaving her daughter Kiri an orphan. Jake and Neytiri had loved their mentor like a second mother so, didn't hesitate to adopt Kiri.

Given some of the names in the Hunger Games series, I'm going to say in this A.U Spider name is actually Spider, named after the thing that kept his mother alive. And while Spider was dearly loved by his parents, secretly Quaritch and especially Paz freaked out over his birth. They had agreed not to have kids not because they didn't want them, but because they didn't want them used against them. Paz always feared that Snow would come and harm or kill her only son in retribution for her defiance so many years ago. Quaritch just didn't want to see his only child die in the games. And so from the moment he could walk Spider is prepared for the games. His parents drill into his head to never volunteer but he is ready if worse comes to worse.

The Sully's do the same with there kids. So when Neteyam gets reaped at age 14 the family is gutted but knows he has what it takes to survive. Neytiri goes to the capital with him as his mentor. And the citizens of the Capital are obsessed. They love the "legacy champion" and eat up every moment that mother and son are together. Which gives Snow ideas. Neteyam wins but he's different when he comes back, traumatized by the games, but still manages to put on a brave face for his younger siblings.

The next year Kiri is reaped. Neytiri and Jake have to fight to not have break down on camera. It's like they're cursed or something with how many family members have been selected for the games.

Over in district 7 Spider is also reaped for the games. Quaritch actually did have to restrain Paz from freaking out, covering her mouth to stop her from accusing Snow of rigging the raffle. Quaritch goes with Spider as his mentor just like Neytiri is Kiri mentor. The Capital goes absolutely feral for this match up. Quaritch and Neytiri are squaring up every chance they get. Meanwhile Spider and Kiri become fast friends. They sneak out at night to see each other, spend all of their time in training together. During interviews they gush about their friendship, and if the people of the Capital where feral before, they were absolutely crazy for this relationship.

The two stick to each other like glue in the games, never going after anybody, just hiding, talking, making the best out of there very bad situation. Spider promises that if it comes down to the two of them that he'll eat poison berries so she could live. Kiri refuses insisting that she'll be the one to die not him. Finally it gets down to the two of them and they decided, fuck it. If they both ate the berries then no one would win and that would surely piss off the powers that be. So they traverse back to the cornucopia find their camera, intertwine their arms and pop the poison into each others months. The game masters quickly announce that they both win and Spider and Kiri spit out the poison before it can do them harm.

Their parents are pissed that their kids would roll the dice like that but are also relieved that they're alive. Snow is livid that he was outsmarted by a couple of teenagers. And the Capital is completely off it's shits with how much they loved the out come (like have ever seen footage of Philadelphia Eagles fans going crazy after their superbowl win? (if not your in for a wild google search) the Capital basically does this over Spider and Kiri)

Fast forward to the next Hunger Games. The 75th Hunger games. Where the twist is that previous winners will be the ones being reaped like in the book, but other victors, or the family members of the ones being reaped can volenteer to go in there place.

So the line up goes:

In district 4 Tonowari gets reaped but his son Aonung volunteers to go in his place, wanting to prove he's a mighty warrior. Ronal volunteers as the female tribute to protect her son.

In district 7 Paz is the only living female tribute so she knew she was going no matter what. Spider's name is called in the reaping. The family anticipated this and agreed that Quaritch wouldn't volunteer to go in his son's place. They've got bigger plans and need him on the outside.

In district 11 Kiri is reaped again but Neytiri volunteers in her place. Jake is also reaped but Lo'ak volunteers, like Aonung wanting to prove himself, especially compared to his siblings.

The citizens of the Capitol feel like they're getting a five course meal. The drama, the family dynamics, the tragedy about to unfold all from beloved past champions. It's all too much, especially since Snow insists that they all bring their whole families, to be paraded around in extravagant outfits at lavashish parties before the absolute slaughter fest.

What the kids don't know is that all the parents are in on a rebellion plan. Jake was the first to be contacted by a mystery person from district 13. It took awhile to convince him that it was real but once he was he started recruiting others, first Ronal and Tonowari, then Paz who convinced Quaritch. Aonung and Lo'ak volunteering threw a couple wrenches into their plan but they were able to pivot.

The moms are tasked with putting on a show, teaming up to not only protect their sons, but two tributes from district 3 Norm and Trudy who are in on the rebellion and are the ones who will destroy the forcefield so they can all be rescued. The mom's hunt down anyone who's both not in on the rebellion, and eager to actually participate in the games.

This is about where I'm going to end it since I don't really know the details of the final book, i just know how it ends. I don't really have an idea of who would be captured following the escape and who would get out of the arena safely. I was building to Grace basically being the Coin in this A.U but not evil in the end, because Grace would never suggest a Hunger Games with Capital children. But yeah sorry if the ending is a little lackluster here. Please share with me your thoughts or ideas of where to take this A.U. I'm really excited to hear what you all think and hope you enjoyed! 💙

#avatar 2 #avatar the way of water #avatar fanfiction #spider socorro #miles quaritch #miles spider socorro #colonel miles quaritch #paz socorro #jake sully #neytiri sully #neteyam sully #lo'ak sully #kiri sully #tonowari #ronal #aonung #grace augustine

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celiaelise · 1 month

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So my dad and stepmom have been watching "Love On The Spectrum", and I ended up watching a couple episodes with them.

The show is fine, idk, I don't really have thoughts on it right now. What I DO have thoughts on is how my father responds to it.

He always spoke about the people on the show as such an Other! Now, let me be clear. No one in my family is diagnosed with autism. However, I strongly suspect most, if not all, of us have it, and my dad's the person who I have the least doubts about. (with myself being second) Also to be clear, I have not voiced this suspicion to my father.

He KNOWS he resembles an autistic person, and has been told so by more than one third party! But he seems to think people who are "successful" don't count, or whatever. (Which, I suppose if we're going by the very strict medical definition of "a disorder", could be seen as true.)

But when I pointed out that one of the autistic people on the show doesn't seem to have enough information on a topic, and say, "someone should have explained this to him!" my dad says, "they do explain it to them, but they don't seem to be able to conceptualize romance and relationships the way we do." Like, excuse me, who's "we"?? You KNOW I'm 28 and have NEVER been on a date; the same age OR OLDER as some of the people on the show whose lack of romantic experience is being portrayed as remarkable.

An autistic man goes on a date with a woman who tells him she's a pre-K teacher, and my dad goes, "oh! so she's not also autistic." (I worked as a teacher at daycare/preschool for four years.) And then expresses that he'd been wondering if it's even moral or appropriate for someone without autism to be in a relationship with someone autistic. I remind him that one of my friends, whose years-long relationship my father is aware of, has autism, and their partner doesn't. (I don't remind my father that he, himself, appears to be an autistic man in a relationship with a nuerotypical woman.)

My father tries to correct himself, without having the specific vocabulary to, that he means people like in the show, who live with their parents at the age of thirty. "Physically they're capable of taking care of themselves, so, y'know, there must be some kind of mental problem." I don't point out that I, myself, will turn 29 in a couple months, and, though I do live alone in my apartment, I receive a pretty significant amount of support, financially and otherwise, from both my parents. He maybe doesn't understand just how bad I am at "taking care of myself" l am, even aside from the money.

Perhaps he doesn't know that I can't even walk through my space normally because there's so much stuff everywhere, that I only shower every other day and I'm doing well to brush my teeth twice a week, that I can barely keep myself fed and never cook, or that I'm currently struggling not to get fired over being late because I struggle to process the linear passage of time. Not to mention that I need an entire armada of medications every day just to function at THIS level!!

Honestly I've lately been considering the possibility that I might never free myself from my parents' support, what that would mean and what it would look like. Because sometimes I'm like, "Wow I really AM disabled", and even doing my current job, (which is easy, and full of autistic people) seems like a huge challenge.

So, anyway, idk. I related more to the people on the show than my dad seems willing to recognize, and that doesn't feel great. Plus, like, even if I'm wrong, and we AREN'T autistic, what benefit is there to distancing ourselves from autistic people??? From being like, "they're NOTHING like ME."?

#autism #actually autistic #my life #my feelings #my family #by elise #ableism #love on the spectrum

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sixdegreesofbali · 4 months

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This is a post that's more for myself than anything. It's a little reminder to myself of what I'd like to achieve from next year on.

It's a pretty cliche list, but I genuinely think these are probably the most important things I can do for myself to become more mentally and physically healthy and to help me enjoy life more.

Less screen time and 'data intake' Something that I've been noticing more and more, especially this year, is how unfocussed and also easily irritable I've become. I have a really hard time concentrating on anything these days and it even causes me to make more mistakes at work. I know a lot of that has to do with the amount of time I spend online and how easily distracted I get. Especially by the toxicity that surrounds F1 at all times. Which is why I've already made a great step yesterday by deleting my Twitter account. No need to look at people's shitty opinions all day long. It's not healthy to be bombarded with everyone's opinions on everything 24/7. Though I also think this is a general problem in today's society. People being less focussed due constantly being bombarded with content and data everywhere: social media, Netflix, podcasts, music and even books. These days the brain never, ever seems to get a moment to just rest and is constantly overloaded with data. We hardly ever get any time alone with our thoughts. Which is something that I hope to change next year.

Going out and experiencing more This kind of also has to do with the first point. Instead of being behind a screen all day, I want to go out and experience more. And it can just be small things like driving to the beach (which is something I looove to do), going to the forest (so good for your mental health), exploring more sides of my own country that I haven't seen before. Sometimes I forget that even my own little country still has some beautiful places that I've never been to before. And don't wait on other people to go with you. If there isn't anyone to go with you, just go by yourself. Don't limit yourself from experiencing things because you're too afraid or uncomfortable to do them by yourself.

Getting in shape Yes, the most cliche one of them all. Getting in shape. I'm not someone who you can tell that I'm out of shape when you see me in my clothes, because I'm naturally skinny, but boy oh boy am I out of shape. I honestly barely get any exercise at all these days and it's become noticeable when I climb the stairs to my apartment or even when I take a walk. I really, really need to start excising again. But I also hope that my second point will help with that as well.

Being financially stable I think being stable financially is one of the best things you can do for your mental health. I've seen what financial stress can do to people and it's soul crushing. No, money might not make you happy perse, but not having it is a position that I never want to be in. I've already gotten pretty good at taking care of my finances but sometimes I can feel myself slipping up. I don't want to be completely frugal to the point where I'm not experiencing life anymore (which I've kinda been doing the past few years), but I want to have a healthy balance between spending and saving. Having a good savings buffer is such a comfortable feeling and takes so much stress away.

Being a good person to the people around me Be attentive to how other people are feeling. Put your own feelings aside sometimes (not always) and just do what you can to make another person feel a little better and more appreciated. I think if I can achieve all of my previous points, it'll make me a person more capable of doing that.

#List #Don't you forget

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3vocatio · 2 years

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may i interest you in some bittersweet fluffs? *opens little lid like maitre-d revealing my ask* time not being kind to the human body is a given, and as much as others would like to pretend otherwise (sometimes stubbornly so, like it would release its grasp if they just refused its existence long enough) solomon is human. whether he was always this dreadfully, "5-layers worth of clothes in hell" cold, if horrific muscle aches and his nerves being on the fritz every now and then were always effects of magic use, even before The Accident, or if time has ravaged him... he actually doesn't remember. no, not for sure, anyway. and he certainly doesn't like showing it, to the point where he can almost perfectly hide it. almost.

if raphael was more of an open book, he might have commended his friend on such a smooth, near-flawless mask. such an ironclad resolve truly was befitting of one once called king. but.... they really are friends. and he knows better than to trust that disarming smile. just like solomon knows raphie's jaw doesn't wire shut around fireworks and screaming for no reason. that he prefers quiet places for the same reason he snarls if anyone raises their hand too quickly.

but raphael isn't an open book. he's a locked one, actually. closed tight like the set of his shoulders. and "please be gentle with yourself" is not part of a soldier's vocabulary. so instead raphael's one to quietly stand there (like well, a guardian angel, though a better one to his friend than michael was, he likes to hope). raphael doesn't have the words to say "hey. you're not any lesser for this. let me help you. let me care for you like you do for everyone else," so instead he performs little tasks that say "it's okay" for him, like refolding anything solomon fumbles without a word. because a hitman knows better than most how impossible vulnerability is for people like them, and sometimes the best form of acknowledgment really is no acknowledgment at all. it's simply being there, and they both have nothing but time

anyway that's that. bye now! ≡≡ﾍ( >ヮ◕)ﾉ♥

ah, what a blessing you are! i've been thinking about the topic of an immortal (human) living their life as 'normal' in which they'd feel their body aging, deteriorating, but physical-wise everything is still intact. the phantom feeling and mortal mindset of growing and dying with other humans proving to be true once you feel yourself reset once every cycle of a generation reaches its end. it reminds me of 'the end' soundtrack from minecraft and 'everywhere at the end of time' by the caretaker.

i think that 'the end' is self-explanatory—a twinge of nostalgia curls around your heart, caresses it like a mother would as her newborn child breathes softly against her chest, and transforms into a departure of a candle's light against the eigengrau of your eyelids.

the presence of 'everywhere at the end of time' mirrors 'the end' in a bittersweet way, albeit more violent once you peek between the blinds. you revel in the glory that is your peak, at bliss in your adrift, until you find your daydreams interrupted by moments of bewilderment upon realizing that life is growing too chaotic to live through.

as much as you wish to begrudge yourself of any mortal habits that will make the separation harder, can you really escape it when you witness so many internal deaths? wouldn't living for so long leads to bouts of self-reflection and a heightened sense of self-awareness once reality tightens its grip every time you dare look down?

but... you don't look. not yet. reality seems in not in its true form, but something idealized into but an alternate reality you're not a part of.

the disconnect that arises is a horror like no other, and as an immortal i'm sure it's like staring into the ocean depths wondering what would happen if you took a step in and felt yourself being caressed once more. the disconnect seeps into your bones in the form of confusion, and the confusion into snippets of dreams that you aren't sure are dreams or memories.

and memories are a strange thing, aren't they? history repeats itself, and your internal deaths don't wait for you to catch up and process anything. the unfamiliar sounds familiar; the familiar sounds so far away.

you know very intimately of this theory of mine if you've done a decent amount of snooping, but i think that when solomon was given the chance to freely roam his dreamscape, the reason why he didn't leave for centuries on end was for the simple human need to process.

being in a place where there was no rule for chaos being present may as well allow you to revisit your long yearned bliss. when it's only your altered state of consiousness, memories potentially being played before you or living in those eternal moments again, being able to see the people you've touched and allowing yourself to touch them once more instead of rejecting it like you've taught yourself to do as time went on,

you finally give yourself the room and patience to grow beautifully, even through your old petals that have long wilted with time.

i don't think that raphael quite understands what it exactly means for a human like solomon to have lived through so many deaths, even his own death, even when his eyes flicker like the embers of a candle wick or the staticky film of kinetograph when he ponders on the parts of himself that he's lost, for better or for worse. raphael has certainly lost, he hadn't given himself the chance to connect with people as he wished he did and he struggles with allowing himself to just feel, but at least he still has a chance. he still has the chance to reset and love his fallen comrades freely, even if he chooses to not state it aloud.

but solomon doesn't. solomon doesn't have the chance to reconnect or start all over because living in a mortal realm means that you feel the effects of utter chaos deteriorate your body over and over. raphael lives in an immortal realm—mortality isn't something he often runs into.

as raphael observes solomon, he truly has nothing to say. there isn't anything he can say, even if he wanted to. with his brothers, fallen or not, there is always something that seems to want to escape his tongue, but he holds it in temperance until he can let it out in the form of song. there isn't even any guilt of not being able to say anything because the disconnect of mortality is so strong that it is a completely foreign concept to him, even if he is a 'hitman'.

and i think it's because there is nothing he could give that would benefit him either, there is no guilt. only sorrow. an odd sorrow that an angel should rarely feel, unless the effects of humanity begin to taint their divinity.

“I can never regret. I can feel sorrow, but it's not the same thing.” —the last unicorn, peter s. beagle

#obey me #omswd #obey me shall we date #obey me solomon #obey me raphael #obey me analysis #﹒❝ birdsong #dearest anon ♡#i've arisen from my uni exhaustion! it will inevitably drag me back down soon #but i've mustered up enough inspiration to respond to this~ rightfully so!#i enjoyed this very much so it was only natural that i give you my thoughts in a similar manner too

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1d1195 · 1 month

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Again, sorry for replying so late, I am getting so bad with responding, I just keep on blank and then overthinking 😭😭😭

Anyways hi sam I missed you soo much even though I did keep up with your blog🫶🫶🫶🫶

From our last convo, yes I think, because whatever I have heard from you, we are very similar so I imagine that pressure, I think its just the reminder that I am human, it's so much more than just jobs or money or anything so I am allowed to take it one day at a time

I am not a fantasy person either, my fantasy ended with harry potter, it messed me up so bad, now I don't want to think about getting attached to a world but not being a part of it 🙃🙃🙃

And oh my gosh WHO DID THIS TO YOU.... I fold every. single. time....scary dude who is mean to everyone but his girl! Take all my money, all of it! Tumblr has somehow feed my fantasies with that because there are people like you everywhere! Like friendly, amazing, beautiful, kindness goddesses who talk to me and then write jaw droppin', mind bogglin', earth shatterin' stories that break my heart everytime I am done with them...I think I just want like all of your stories in physical books because I wanna have them in my collection and keep them on my shelf....one day I will, imma get it signed by you.. starting with traditional cause yk me 🤧🤧🤧

Anyways I have been on this kick of babies, the WORST baby fever and also the worst "is it time to get a boyfriend" fever which has been happening a lot recently, because maybe the solitude (read: loneliness) is getting to me, I keep imagining oh what would having a boyfriend be like, not sure if i truly understand the depth of it but its fun to dream about

Speaking of boyfriends, you know someone who is not a boyfriend or a fiance....ZIPPER!HARRY...Oh my gosh, the elopement, my heart, and louis😭😭😭 My girl just got engaged and eloped because of pressure, I love her so much, she is such a gentle soul, you know the ones who looks like a cinnamon roll and is a cinnamon roll...her... sometimes when I am reading zipper, I realise that harry is the epitome of 'but its about the little things' like you know he won't remember dates or anniversaries or birthdays but he will recognise an expression and rush to you before she breaks down...i will defend till the end of time ❤️‍��❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹

Thankyou for making my week with that one shot! I dore it and you so so much! I hope you have an amazing day

-🧸

Don't feel bad about not responding/forgetting. But please don't overthink when it comes to me (easier said than done I'm sure) but I don't want you to feel any kind of pressure from me. I'm always here for you 💕

A little fun fact about me I have never read Harry Potter nor seen a movie in it's entirety 🙈 please don't @ me it just wasn't my thing. I do want to read the books though. I just never got around to it because I got into Twilight and then I never had TIME to read. But once I clear out my tbr shelf (hopefully by the end of this year) I will read Harry Potter.

You are the sweetest 💕 I've always wanted to write a book but right now I don't see it happening. I struggle with a lot of aspects of writing and I don't have the appropriate/adequate time to devote to getting better. I think that (maybe) just getting a little better on here each time I post is all I got in me hahaha I would turn Traditional into a book in a heartbeat though if I could.

I have had baby fever since I was 10 I swear. I think babies are so cute and everyone around me is getting pregnant/married/a house. It's extremely hard because I feel so behind but kind of like my life at the same time? I've always wanted kids and I just can't afford it and I feel so sad that I try not to think about it too much sometimes 😭

I thought I had more ideas for Zipper but they were all vague ideas and then I was like "oh no this is going to suck" so it means so much to me that you liked it 💕 I think he's going to turn out alright after all.

I'm so glad I made your week. I hope you continue to take it one day at a time 💕

xoxo

#🧸

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genderqueerpositivity · 2 years

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On Monday I'll be officially nine months on testosterone. I had an appointment with my HRT provider yesterday and that went okay.

My next appointment will be in March at one year. Time is flying by.

CW: changes from testosterone, mentions of weight, genitals, periods, mental health, suicide, etc

Changing are happening slowly which is fine with me. Sometimes I feel impatient, but I look at the progress I've already had and remind myself that this is what I've wanted.

I'm very happy with the physical changes. Some I wish would happen faster and others I'm fine with happening at a slow pace. I've had no more changes to my voice and no more bottom growth, but I'm still growing new body hair everywhere. At some point I expect the hair creeping up my belly and down my chest to meet in the middle somewhere. I've definitely had some fat redistribution, especially around my belly. I've gained some new muscle in my upper body.

I've had some small changes to my face shape and hairline. My skin still breaks out and ingrown hairs are still happening everywhere, so I'm still searching for exactly the right skincare routine.

My periods haven't returned. I have occasional random cramps, but nothing nearly as severe as I used to have. I don't miss it and I don't miss the mood swings and sensory issues I used to deal with during my periods.

The biggest changes aren't physical. I think sometimes about how much time I used to spend wondering what it would be like to be on T and wishing that were me. And now it is. I don't have to wonder anymore. I used to think about it almost everyday. I used to lay in bed at night trying to imagine myself on T and debating if it would be the right choice for me. Now I get that brain space back because I know and I don't have to wonder anymore. It's freeing.

My dysphoria is quieter and smaller overall. Even my chest dysphoria, even though I know that I still need top surgery in the future. If anything, being on T has made me even more certain of that. But I can shower now without being totally miserable. I look forward to seeing the changes instead of dreading undressing.

I'm not on antidepressants anymore and for the first time since I was a teenager, I don't feel like I need them. I don't want to die; that is no longer my backup plan for escaping from the misery.

I definitely still have terrible anxiety (that antidepressants never helped with anyway). I still have occasional meltdowns and shutdowns. I still deal with stress at work (although that has improved a lot lately too). I still have a bad days with my dysfunctional ass family. I don't want to die.

I'm not sure exactly when the change occured, but it has. What a gift. I don't want to die. Sometimes I'm just good. Okay. Steady.

I think I'm going to be on T for the long term. I originally imagined that I'd do this for a few months until I reached some unknown point where I'd decide I've seen enough changes. I feel differently now. The idea of this being for life doesn't bother me anymore and I feel like it would even be a good thing.

It was never really about passing for male for me because my gender isn't binary, but passing is a gender euphoric experience for me. It really varies what gender I'm perceived to be by others and that is also weirdly fine. The thing about being on HRT and having most of the people in my life not know is that it feels like this is really for me and not about anyone else. I'm less bothered about being misgendered than I ever have been before. Maybe because I'm more confident in my own gender and transness than I ever have been?

Overall I think that going on T has been one of the best decisions I've ever made.

#op #hrt journal #ftm hrt #genderqueer #transmasculine #medical tw #mental health tw #suicide tw #suicide mention tw #periods tw #weight tw

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aliwritesfic · 2 years

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The Cold Side of the Bed (Javier Peña x F!Reader)

I've been in my sad girl feels, and um, this is VERY sad (imho). Proceed at your own risk. I'm so sorry.

Warings: Death, semi-graphic depiction of cancer, suicide, suicidal thoughts, depression, grief, mourning, if I've missed anything please let me know

W/C: 898

Grief isn’t linear.

It was one of the first things your therapist, Jeanette, told you when you had first met with her. It’s a journey with no set itinerary, she told you, handing you a steaming mug of earl grey. You had found the analogy meaningless at the time, but god if it hadn’t started to make sense in the eleven months since Javi’s death. To be honest, almost everything Jean had told you about grief had turned out to be true.

Plus a few extras you hadn’t expected.

Like for example, the time you had wanted to drive your car into oncoming traffic when Let’s Stay Together by Al Green came on. Or when you had almost had a total breakdown you had forgotten to buy peanut butter.

Still, you preferred those feelings to the absolute numbness you had started to feel a month after Javi was gone. You could see how it scared your friends and family to see you physically wither away into a shell of who you once were.

Slowly though, you started to get better. You could stomach three meals a day without vomiting, you could open the curtains without feeling like the sunshine was mocking you. You could call Steve once a week without wanting to sob for hours afterward.

You still couldn’t sleep in your bed though, preferring to sleep on the couch while infomercials played on a low volume. You had tried once, sliding into the cold sheets, but the bed smelt like him, and you couldn’t handle that.

Everywhere there were reminders of Javier, of the disease that had started in his pancreas and travelled to his lungs, his bones. There was the plastic chair in the bathroom, originally in the shower for when he couldn’t stand on his own. Empty painkiller bottles in the medicine cabinet, all labelled with Javi’s name. His golden wedding band which now sat on his nightstand, collecting dust.

You were already engaged by the time he had found out about the cancer, but the wedding was still ten months away, and Javi had less than three, so he convinced you to move it up. You married him in the local courthouse, you in a gauzy yellow sundress with flowers weaved into your hair, him in his nicest suit, hair and mustache combed neatly. You had danced to Al Green, your eyes never leaving Javi’s steady brown ones.

“You look beautiful, Mrs Peña,” he murmured in your ear, his lips tickling your throat. “Like a dream.”

Dozens of photos had been taken on that day, and you were glad you had married him before the cancer had begun to really kill him. It wasn’t long before his hair had started to fall out in clumps, his face became gaunt and jaundiced. Often you stayed awake with him through the vomiting spells, wiping bile gently from his chin, whispering softly to him. Holding his bony hand through the pain that only ever seemed to get worse.

Numerous times, he had begged you to kill him. To give him too much morphine, to shoot him, to suffocate him. Anything to stop the pain.

“You don’t even need to be in the room, just leave the pills on the table,” he pleaded one night while you carefully scrubbed his back. He no longer could find the strength to do so.

It was a mercy, a final act of pure love. You carefully counted out the pills and set them on his nightstand. It would be enough, you knew. As you helped Javi into bed that night, you saw the relief in his steady dark eyes as he saw your final gift.

“I love you,” he said, taking your hand as you climbed into bed next to him.

“I love you too,” you whispered back, keeping the tears at bay as you closed your eyes. When you woke up, he was cold.

Now your life seemed to pass in a haze, the days without Javi bleak. Sometimes you regretted giving Javi the pills, but mostly you didn’t.

It was your birthday, three weeks later, when the loss finally hit you in the chest, leaving gasping for air as you hurled up the meagre lunch you had. It had started with a knock on the door, a bouquet of flowers delivered by a young woman.

“They’re prepaid for the next ten years, so if you have a change of address let us know,” she said. There was a note attached;

My love, my heart,

I’m sorry I am not with you, I’m sorry about a lot of things. Thank you for being mine, even if it was only for a short time.

Your Javi.

The flowers were the only bright thing you could stand to look at.

As the one year anniversary arrived, you took his ashes and scattered them in the lake, his wedding band on a chain around your neck. Steve stood with you, holding you close as you crumbled on the dock.

That night, you crawled into your bed for the first time in a year. Stretching your fingers across, you touched the cold side of the bed where Javi once slept. His pillow still smelt like him, but it didn’t send you into a spiral. It would one day, but that night you slept soundly.

Grief wasn’t linear, and you knew that better than most.

#javier pena x reader #narcos #javier pena #javi x reader

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paladinsbrainrot · 3 years

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Analyzing the 'Never-Ending Story' Song (Correlation to Will)

I've wanted to do a song analysis for awhile, and I think that this is the perfect song to analyze. Not only does this song summarize Will's life in 1 and a half minutes, but it genuinely shows how essential Will was in all seasons.

Now, sometimes it might not just correlate to Will, but correlates to Byler as a whole, and sometimes just Mike.

So, let us begin.

♪Turn around, Look at what you see In her face, The mirror of your dreams ♪

First of all, 'turn around' reminds me of the one dramatic turn that Will had done previously in the series.

And 'look at what you see' relates to how when Will turned around, he saw Lucas and Mike, but more importantly Mike. The way that the scene is shot, it puts a spotlight on Mike, making his shirt a brighter colour than Lucas', telling us who we should be focusing on. This also gives us an insight on who Will is focusing on.

Now, 'in her face, the mirror of your dreams' reminds me of the ever so famous Will and El parallel (the first of many) which has both El and Will stare at themselves through the mirror.

I believe this line is supposed to be in the second person, specifically towards Mike. 'In {El's} face', Mike sees Will because her face is a mirror, reflecting Will.

More proof on how Mike is projecting his feelings for Will onto El, who looks like a boy, and what seems more practical.

♪Make believe I'm everywhere, Given in the light Written on the pages is, The answer to a Never-ending story♪

Now, there is a lot to unpack here.

First of all 'make believe I'm everywhere' is in first person, directed to the Mind Flayer. This is because the Mind Flayer only used Will when he needed him, and used his victims when he needed them. So, he can be everywhere at anytime.

'Make believe' is also a synonym for 'pretend', and usually when I think of this I think of 'playing pretend', and playing pretend is associated with costumes. And one thing comes to mind...

Will the Wise.

Moving on, 'given in the light' represents Will's physical connection to the Upside Down, and how he potentially has electrokinetics. Anywhere we have seen light, it has been associated with the Upside Down and Will himself. Will is able to communicate with Joyce through the lights in season one.

'written on the pages is' represents how Will drew the Mind Flayer (although Will didn't WRITE the Mind Flayer, it still has the same concept) and 'the answer to a Never-ending story' represents how the Mind Flayer basically came to life, and it is the Never-ending story, meaning it will be here for a long time. It looks like we aren't getting rid of it anytime soon.

While I want Stranger Things to back away from the Mind Flayer storyline (we've already seen it twice), it seems as if they aren't getting rid of it anytime soon. I believe that they will continue this, but hopefully they will introduce a new monster of some sort. I don't want the series to get too repetitive.

With the Mind Flayer being the Never-ending story, it means whatever our heroes do, the Mind Flayer is still going to come back, bigger, and stronger than before.

♪Reach the stars, Fly a fantasy Dream a dream, And what you say will be♪

'Reach the stars, fly a fantasy' doesn't apply to Will, but to Mike. Remember when Mike jumped of the cliff to save Dustin, then flies (like a fairy)? Not to mention how in Stranger Things, gay people (specifically Mike and Will) are associated with fairies. And what are fairies associated with? Fairy-tales, which are fantasy novels.

'Reach the stars' is also a metaphor for death (because you 'see stars' when you die). Mike could have died if El did not save him.

'Dream a dream' reminds me of the time Will had a dream (well, they're technically called 'now-memories') of Hopper in the tunnels. Then of course, he wakes up, wakes Mike up too, and they go to Joyce.

Now, here is where it gets interesting.

'And what you say will be' is another phrase for 'for what you say will come true'

When Will went to Joyce, he mentions that he thinks Hopper is in trouble, and is going to die. Now, while Hopper doesn't die in that episode, he does die later on, in season three.

Will predicting the future? Well- maybe the time metaphor for this season isn't about time travel at all, but rather Will regaining the power to tell the future.

♪Rhymes that keep their secrets, will Unfold behind the clouds And there upon a rainbow is, The answer to a Never-ending story♪

I have discussed this in my Byler proofs for season three analysis, however I will discuss this again. Both times the Never-ending story has been sung (Dustin and Suzie's and Lucas and Max's rendition) when the lyric 'Rhymes that keep their secrets, will' is sung, the camera had landed on Will.

The secrets that Will is keeping is that he is gay, whether he knows it or not.

Not to mention, the way that this lyric is sung, (with a pause between secrets and will) makes it seem like they're throwing shade at Will, and is meant to be sung like this;

"Rhymes that keep their secrets, (Will)"

Also, Will rhymes with El.

So, Will is the 'rhyme that keeps their secrets'

Moving on, the Mind Flayer has been known to reveal itself after lighting strikes behind the clouds ('Unfold behind the clouds'). This can also be another metaphor for Will, because Will is known to open up/unfold to people he has a close bond with (Joyce, Jonathan, and Mike)

Aka, a coming out scene?

'And there upon a rainbow is' is a trope for Will being gay. Rainbows have been associated with LGBTQ+ people all of the time, and it is the official flag.

When Lucas and Max sing their rendition, they stop singing after 'Unfold behind the clouds'. After that, we - the viewers - are left to depict the next line, which is 'And there upon a rainbow is'. Keep in mind, the camera is still on Will.

Will goes to talk to Mike next. Upon Will's rainbow, is Mike.

The next line is 'The answer to a Never-ending story' because upon Will's rainbow, is Will's answer to a Never-ending story. Mike is the answer to Will's never-ending story, aka his soulmate.

#stranger things #stranger things analysis #will byers #will byers gay #will byers analysis #will byers is gay analysis #byler #byler analysis #mike wheeler #eleven hopper #suzie #dustin henderson #mind flayer #byler proof #gay

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snarkythewoecrow · 3 years

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Prompt time! I know you've taken prompts for more serious subjects and mental health related stuff and I've absolutely loved them. If you are comfortable to write it and it won't be triggering, would you write like a sequel to your rubber band/coping mechanism fic where Peter goes to Tony when he has an urge to hurt himself or afterwards for helping cleaning up? Either that or a fic unrelated to that one where Tony sees Peter's old self harm scars or finds out that Peter still does sh? Just something irondad that's related to that subject but only if you are okay with writing it! I completely understand if it's something you don't wanna write more off, I just thought I'd ask anyway if that's okay

Sorry it took me so long to write, but here it is!

Read on AO3

*Trigger Warning for Self-harm and Blood*

In the kitchen at the lake house, Peter sat at the center island, watching Tony thread macaroni onto yarn as Morgan painted the necklace she’d already made. Noodles were scattered everywhere, and when you walked, there was a good chance you’d hear pasta crunching underfoot.

Morgan had paint from her hands to her hair, and Tony wasn’t fairing much better. Morgan had already made them all necklaces and was working on her fifth. The one she’d made Peter was draped around his neck. She'd said the one she made him was extra special because it had wagon wheels laced between the macaroni.

Peter was on the end of the island on a stool, his textbook carefully placed to avoid the smears of paint and glue. Thankfully, after the glitter balloon incident, Pepper banned glitter from the house, so Peter didn’t need to worry about that.

All in all, he should have been happy, but he wasn’t, and he wasn’t sure why that was, either.

Things had been better in the months since Tony had found Peter on the back porch that night, since they’d talked about his self-harming, but that didn’t mean that sometimes, for a reason Peter didn’t understand, he still had bad days—like today.

Everyone in his life was healthy and happy, things were going well at school, but he still couldn’t get the itch to cut out of his mind. Some days were definitely worse than others, and he’d been building toward this bad day all week. The rubber band on his wrist was getting plenty of use.

Tony had told him that he could come to him whenever he needed but seeing Tony smiling as he played with Morgan, he knew he couldn’t. He couldn’t bring the mood down. He didn’t want to be the reason the worry lines in Tony’s face deepened.

It was already hard enough to use the rubber band with Tony nearby. He always got this look—somewhere between sadness and concern. Peter hated causing that look, so he’d done the only thing he could to avoid it. He stopped snapping the band when he was with Tony.

It was easier this way. What Tony didn’t know, couldn’t hurt him, or at least, that’s what Peter told himself.

The cloud over Peter’s head wasn’t lightening up, and he felt overwhelmed like his lungs were filling with water, and he was going under. He fingered the band on his wrist, wanting to snap it, just to feel something, but then Tony laughed, and Morgan giggled, the box of macaroni spilled, and Peter—Peter just couldn’t do it.

He closed his textbook and excused himself from the table, mumbling that he had a headache and needed to lay down. Before he made it out of the kitchen, Tony called after him, telling him dinner was in a few hours and he’d check on him then.

Peter forced a smile, ducking his head and scurrying up the stairs, leaving the sounds of Morgan’s laughter behind him.

When he got to his room, he shut the door, falling against it, still clutching his textbook. He didn’t have a headache like he’d told Tony, but he didn’t know what else to say at the time, though with the tension in his body, a headache was a real possibility soon.

He kicked off the door and walked over to his bed, pausing by the desk to drop his textbook with a thump. He collapsed on the bed, so his legs were still hanging off the side.

With Tony no longer able to witness it, Peter snapped the band on his wrist, but it brought no relief from the deep need to cut. The feeling was so consuming Peter thought he could taste it. The flavor reminded him of ash. He hated that he felt this way, but he didn’t know how to control it.

Tony had paid for therapy, and May made sure he went, but the coping skills only helped so much.

When it was like this, nothing else seemed like it could scratch the itch—not as well as a knife.

His therapist had suggested holding ice cubes when the urge got bad, but that would mean going to the kitchen, and Tony would notice. He would ask. Then worry lines would etch the man’s face, and Peter would feel even worse because he put them there.

Drawing on his arms was a nearly laughable suggestion. His therapist had suggested a red pen for effect. Peter didn’t have a red pen, and it never worked in the past. The only thing he knew that could make him feel better came with a healthy dose of guilt. He knew hurting himself would temporarily make it all melt away.

But the worst part—the part that made Peter feel like a failure—was he didn’t even know what had triggered it. Everything had been going well. Maybe he really did come back from the snap wrong.

Frustrated, angry, Peter sat up and scrubbed his hands over his face. The urge to just make a little cut or dig his nails just deep enough to break skin was all-consuming. The band on his wrist felt more like a reminder of his failures than a lifeline—a way to pull himself back.

He wanted to scream at the unfairness of it all.

Then it reached a point where it started to hurt in his chest, and he just needed something to focus it all back, to let him breathe, and without conscious thought, he started clawing at his arm. The little stabs of pain felt grounding, but it wasn’t enough. It wasn’t the fix he needed.

The crescent-shaped cuts and scratches oozed blood as Peter got up and went looking for a knife, for something to cut with. He’d given his utility knife to Tony, but he thought they both knew that wouldn’t stop him, not when he felt like this.

A small part of him thought he should call out to Tony, but then he remembered how happy they’d looked, and he didn’t want to spoil that. He’d deal with this on his own.

He slipped out of his room, listening to make sure no one was close, then darted to the bathroom. His chances of finding something to cut with seemed higher in a bathroom.

When he got to the bathroom, he started rifling through the cabinet but not finding much. He came across spare toothbrushes and travel-size shampoos and soaps, but nothing sharp. He looked under the sink, knowing there should be a first aid kit, and where there was a first aid kit, there might be scissors.

He found his prize with a shaky sigh. Setting the scissors on the counter, Peter stuffed the kit back under the sink, pocketed the scissors, and headed back to his room.

When he got to the hall, he heard Tony talking, telling Morgan something about a spaghetti monster. It made guilt twist in his gut, settling there and starting to fester.

He ran back to his room as quickly as he dared, then shut his door, locking it for good measure.

The feeling that washed over him as he took the scissors from his pocket was one part relief, one part anticipation, and the rest self-loathing. He knew he wasn’t just letting himself down. He was letting those who cared about him down, too.

That didn’t stop him from sitting in the desk chair, putting the blade to his arm, and cutting, though.

It happened so easily, and when he did it, he put all those bad feelings into it, turning the negative emotions and guilt into something manageable, something he could do something about. Physical pain made sense. It had a cause, a source, a purpose. And the blood that welled up from the cut made sense, too. It all made sense in a way his emotions didn’t, and he needed it.

The one cut wasn’t enough, though. It had been hesitant and not that deep. The bleeding was already stopping.

Peter felt like the world was muted and focused down to the blade and his arm. He pressed the metal harder against his skin and dragged it until he reached the underside of his arm. It bled much more freely, and Peter felt almost high from it.

Wanting to see more, needing the cause and effect of it, he cut again just below the second, pressing even harder. The skin split neatly under the blade.

He was just about to make another when the door handle jiggled, followed by a knock.

“Pete?” Tony’s voice drifted through the door. “Why’s the door locked?”

Peter’s high came crashing down, and reality wasn’t gentle. It hit suddenly how stupid he’d been. It was like realization hit him all at once. One thing had so easily turned into another. And Peter had taken each step without truly acknowledging the direction he was heading. And the place it brought him wasn’t great. He was locked in his room with a bleeding arm, having used Tony’s scissors, and ignored every chance he’d had to reach out for help. Tony had only been a shout away.

His body felt like it had locked up as the emotions swirled within him. He dropped the scissors on the floor, clattering against the wood, and he looked down at his arm, really seeing the damage for the first time outside of the warped lens of need.

It was bad. It was really bad. He might not need stitches, but it would be close, and the blood was everywhere. There were droplets on his jeans and on the floor, rivulets running down his arm.

He didn’t know what to do or what to say. His voice had been stolen by the grief he was feeling. He wasn’t just mourning himself. He was mourning the loss of trust he knew he’d just caused. He wasn’t ready to face the music.

The door handle jiggled again, and there was another round of knocking, even louder. “Peter, open the door.”

His heart kept hitting his ribs so hard he thought it would bruise.

He didn’t want to lie, but he didn’t know how to tell the truth. He hated himself for not just telling Tony how he’d been feeling. With more clarity than before, he realized now that Tony would probably have been proud.

He wouldn’t be proud now.

He would be sad or angry or worse—disappointed.

If Peter were honest, he was pretty disappointed in himself, enough for the both of them, enough for the world. He felt like a failure.

He didn’t want to be a liar, though, but he didn’t know what to do, so he called out to Tony, “Just a minute.”

He grabbed some tissues from his desk and tried to dab some of the blood up, but it just smeared it around, making his arm look like part of a crime scene. He’d really done it this time. Once Tony saw, there would be no going back. He’d see how broken Peter was and not want him anymore. No one wanted to deal with this, no matter how much they said they cared.

Tears started to well in his eyes, frowning so hard his face hurt. He kept a tissue pressed to the deepest cut and stood. He looked to the window, considering escaping the only way he could. He knew it wasn’t an option, though, and would only make things worse.

Accepting his fate, his body and mind feeling weighted, Peter shuffled to the door and unlocked it. He stepped back so it could swing open, closing his eyes and waiting for Tony to realize.

There were footsteps and Tony saying, “You know you’re not supposed to lock the door.”

Then Peter heard it. The air sucking into Tony’s lungs.

Peter’s shoulders fell, and the tears in his eyes broke free, rolling down his cheeks.

“Jesus Christ.” Then a hand grabbed his arm, and Peter opened his eyes, his eyelashes clumped together by tears. The devastation was clear on Tony’s face.

“I’m sorry,” Peter said. The apology wasn’t nearly enough, though. Nothing really would be. There weren’t words for times like these.

Tony’s expression was pinched. He shook his head, letting out a breath, then saying, “I’m not mad.”

And Peter wondered who he was trying to convince.

Peter nodded, his face twisting into some ugly and raw. “I don’t know what happened. I know I shouldn’t have—I didn’t mean it. You gotta believe me.”

Tony’s expression softened, and when he swallowed, it looked painful. “We can talk about it later. Let’s get you cleaned up first.”

Then he was guiding Peter to his bed, sitting him down. He grabbed some extra tissues and pressed them to the wounds.

“Hold those there. Keep pressure. I’ll go get the first aid kit.” Then Tony’s foot hit the scissors, and he looked down, his head shaking a little. He bent down and picked the scissors up. Licking his lips, he said, “Will you be okay for a second?”

Peter wasn’t sure he’d ever be okay again, but he nodded anyway, not trusting his voice.

With a nod, Tony turned and dipped out of the room. Thankfully, or maybe not, he was back before Peter could think too much about what he’d done.

Tony pulled the chair closer and sat, the first aid kit on the desk. He dug out the supplies he needed and lined them up, opening the packets of gauze. Then he lifted Peter’s hand and the tissues from the cuts, assessing the damage. The bleeding had stopped.

No one said anything, and Peter wasn’t sure if that was better or worse.

With methodical movements, Tony cleaned the cuts, and a few times, Peter thought Tony had been close to saying something, but each time, he’d just shaken his head and gone back to tending his wounds.

As Tony taped the gauze in place, he finally asked, “Was there something I could have done? Something I didn’t do? I just—” He cut himself off with a sigh, then straightened. “You know you can come to me, right?”

Peter couldn’t meet Tony’s gaze, so he stared at his shoulder. “You seemed so happy today. I didn’t want to spoil it. You and Morgan—” He shook his head. “I didn’t want to ruin the mood. Sometimes it feels like that’s all I do, you know?”

Tony sighed, scrubbing a hand over his mouth. “I know you think—let’s just say I’d rather you told me than finding you like this. I know I’m not an expert, but I could’ve helped distract you if I’d known. It might not have been easy, but I want the chance to help you—no matter what mood you think you’re ruining.”

Peter nodded, the tears back in his eyes. He felt all-encompassing guilt for what he’d done. “I don’t know what to do—how to fix this.”

“We take it one step at a time. Relapses happen, and when they do happen, it doesn’t make you a failure.” He squeezed Peter’s knee. “Recovery isn’t linear. It might feel like it’s all over, and you can’t fix it, but it’s really just a little bump in the road, a little hitch in the graph. The line is still moving forward and up.”

He wanted to believe Tony, but it was hard. He didn’t feel like he deserved the kind of understanding Tony gave him. He felt sick for what he’d done, and it would be so much easier if Tony were angry. He could deal with that.

His arms wound themselves around his middle without his consent as he tried to hold himself together. The cuts on his arms barely stung any more, which he was thankful for. The pain wasn’t a good feeling now. It didn’t settle him like it had. Instead, it reminded him how badly he’d screwed up.

“Oh, kiddo,” Tony said as he got up and moved to sit beside Peter. Then his arm wrapped around Peter’s shoulders and tugged him closer.

Peter sank into his side, his breath hitching as he fought a sob.

Tony pressed his lips to Peter’s hair, his breath warm against his scalp. “We’re gonna get through this. Just you watch.”

Then Peter broke, and it was an ugly sound. He choked on the sobs as they erupted from him, tears dripping from his chin, snot clogging his nose. His shoulders shook as he fell apart, or maybe not really, as Tony was doing a pretty good job of holding him together.

And wasn’t that the meat of it.

Because Peter realized amidst the tears that no matter what, Tony and the others in his life, they weren’t giving up on him—no matter how badly he screwed things up.

Tony held him until he could breathe again, then he cleaned himself up and changed out of the bloody jeans, and he and Tony went to finish making dinner. Morgan was at the table with Pepper, both wearing macaroni necklaces and big smiles.

If either of them noticed the bandages, they didn’t say a word, and when Tony patted his shoulder and told him to grab a chair, it felt something like forgiveness or understanding.

Things weren’t always great, and the line of the graph might hitch, but Peter could see that it was still moving up, still moving forward, and he thought that just might mean he’d be okay.

#tw: self harm #irondad #peter parker #tony stark #depression #snark writes #LittleMissAgrafina

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hiimsociallyawkward · 3 years

Text

the darkest hour pt 2

i'm back with my bs. this is for my bestie @lady-ofmagic-andstars. basically, all of my dumb thoughts while i watched 'darkest hour pt 2', 04.02 of merlin. in case you weren't aware.. ✨spoilers✨

right off the bat i'm sad

ok when i first watched this i was really confused. i mean, you see others when they interact with the dorocha have that perpetual frost on their face right? all of them, every single one. so imagine my surprise when merlin has no frost on his face, and he's miserable yea- but he's not dead??

like tbh, watching this again, ik why but when i first watched this, i was SO confused.

arthur looks so worried slkdjfalskfsd

him being willing to abandon the mission to get merlin back to camelot to be treated 😔🤪😎🤤🤩 lots of emotions

LANCELOT. of course it's lancelot. santiago is perfect. actually.

merlin looks so SICKLY. it physically pains me to see him like that

okok hahaa. the scene where percival is carrying merlin. i have several notes on that.

1) ik it's supposed to be all 'noble' looking. yk? them walking in slow mo, percival carrying merlin like he's been slained in battle. knights looking knightly

ALL I CAN FOCUS ON IS THE LACK OF PROPER NECK SUPPORT FOR MERLIN. PLS TELL ME I'M NOT THE ONLY ONE.

like pls

second note, idk why this remind me of hagrid carrying harry back

idk maybe that's just me but it feels oddly reminiscent

colin is SO pale my heart is actually hurting for him what the heck

asf;lsdjfa;lsdfj 'take me with you' stop.

dude they ACTUALLY care about each other. i just love them. arthur is so worried rn and while i'm like 'alsjfalsdj i don't want arthur to be sad and worried' we can see just how MUCH arthur cares about merlin.

like yea, we KNOW that they care about each other. but arthur is the prince and merlin's a servant so arthur can't have friends, but they're friends, and they care, and it makes me happy

ok it's sad and everything that merlin's basically dying but is it bad of me that i chuckle at merlin SLUMPED over on his horse?? probably.

but i mean, merlin is already raising himself up so he can sit more comfortably on the horse. ik that doesn't mean that he's in the clear yet, but he's doing a LOT better than the other people who ran into the dorocha. idk where i'm going with this

to quote the destiny and chicken podcast (who i love btw, if you want an awesome merlin podcast, check them out), they stay on arthur's face for SO long after merlin and lancelot leave.

i feel EVERYTHING that arthur is feeling in this moment. he's so pretty

there's another beautiful landscape. i'm not even sorry i'm gonna attach them ALL.

tell me that's not gorgeous

LMAO WHAT IS GWAINE DOING IN THAT TREE.

gwaine is the EMBODIMENT of 'boys will be boys' when he sticks his hand into that tree and gets swarmed by bees.

he's adorable and i love him

ok but also, someone tell me why capes are so hot. someone TELL me.

separate from the episode but on the note of capes being hot, i want a cloak SO BADLY. like the whole gist. floor length, big hooded cloak. why?? it's not like i'm sneaking anywhere but still. ✨cloak✨

ok the line where leon goes 'if anyone can get merlin back to camelot, it's lancelot' and arthur's face?? idk what to make of it. someone help me pls.

ok actually this probably isn't the best reaction shot but someone please help

the only thing i can think of is that arthur momentarily forgot and was reminded that merlin was in danger bc of him?

another thought is that he thinks he should take merlin back instead of lancelot?

ik for a fact you guys are better at analysising this stuff than i am so pls, thoughts?

i love lancelot so much. first time i watched this, i was CRUSHED

him carrying merlin to the lake(?) pond(?) area and then covering him with his cape? i love it

ok idk why but i love the idea of merlin instinctively going towards the water

it makes me think back to how he's made of magic and basically everywhere, espeically nature, has magic and instinctively- he wants to connect with nature as much as he can so his body just puts his hand in the water

a dumber thought i had, his hand is ✨sparkly✨in the water HAHAH

omg when the water called lancelot i deadass thought it was freya. i'm actually dumb i have WATCHED this before and i STILL thought it was freya

'a future that has been written since the dawn of time' makes me so proud but also so sad at the same time

it's like, yes, merlin is going to 'save the world' but it's like he's there just to do that. anyways, i just want him to be happy

MORE SPARKLY

these water spirts are op but also MORE SPARKLY. hehe i thin kthat's so funny

also, i'm literally only like 7 mins in. buckle yourself in

l;askdjflskdjf arthur going into the tunnels with the wilderons?? i miss merlin ouch. AND THE GAJA BERRIES. arthur misses merlin.

ok percival tackling gwaine?? cuties ;))

heheheeh gwaine kicking a skull and then running directly behind arthur for protection?? pls stop. i already love you

HAHA OK. THEM WEARING THE GAJA BERRIES ON THEIR FACE REMINDS ME OF THIS FACE MASK . THAT'S LITERALLY HOW I LOOK WITH THAT THIS FACE MASK ON HAHAA

yes im dumb, but the 5 of them slowly peeking over the rock and then ducking back down?? i love that so much they're so cute

omg what's wrong with me. not these knights literally FEARING their lives and me going 'they're so cute'

ANYWAYS

gwaine you absolute dumbass. smh merlin just took it but you just HAD to stab it. #cancelled

FRICK. YOU. AGRAVAINE.

YES. i have a love hate relationship with gaius, but BUST into the council room. king energy right there

smh gaius you pUSH over.

I LOVE GWEN RIGHT HERE

YES

FIGHT FOR WHAT IS RIGHT

DON'T LET ALL THOSE SMELLY OLD COUNCILMEN PUSH YOU AROUND

THIS IS ACTUALLY QUEEN SH!T RIGHT HERE EVERYONE ELSE CAN LEAVE

stfu agravaine 'gueniviere'. ST F UP

ok gwen. pop OFF

you KNOW that arthur would've fought agravaine on this. GO GWEN for speaking her mind

oh look at me with anotehr fic rec. sort of, not really. ok but this scene with gwen talking about all the villagers remind of this fic called To Love, Honor, and Piss Off by @thenerdyindividual .

ok so it's basically a fic where basically merlin and arthur have this 'arranged marriage' type thing for 3 years, and merlin is arthur's 'common consort'. what that means is that arthur marries merlin as a show of good faith and to learn more about what it means to be a commoner- merlin giving arthur the tea about commoner life

anywAYS. check that our if you want, but i loved it

stfu 'i feel the pain as much as you' agravaine. hop off my dick

YES. GWEN. PLANT THAT SEED OF DOUBT THAT AGRAVAINE MIGHT NOT BE ALL THAT HE SEEMS. i love gwen :,)

wow when she's intellegent with her speaking so everyone HAS to side with her but also respectful so NO ONE can get mad at her?? i stan. i ACTUALLY stan

santiago is so pretty

the PANIC in his voice. i stan.

HAHA AND MERLIN'S SNARKY 'SHH'

merlin is ready to GO. he's like, sorry for almost dying. that was ill advised of me.

i'm actually soft for any displays of friendship ever. what does that mean about me 💀 KIDDING. anyways..

i love the *swing* *duck* 'yea, not as quick as arthur

sa;kfs;akdfj lancelot insisting that merlin go back to camelot and merlin just nOt

LADS

stop rn. lancelot's face when merlin turns away. i am in pAin. I AM SO SAD OVER LANCELOT. PLS LANCELOT.

this isn't exactly, but morgana's paleness from here on out reminded me of merlin when he was literally DYING.

anyways, that's my note on that

like, yes- i get it- morgana is evil now. but idk should i feel bad for her? she looks so pale and ghasty and just :(

aksfhaskdjfas;ldf morgana

HAHA MORGANA IS SO EDGY IN THIS MOMENT. 'I'D RATHER DROWN IN MY OWN BLOOD THAN SEE THAT DAY' SO DRAMATIC. WHY IS SHE SO EMO/GOTH. LIKE IK I SHOULD BE SCARED FOR WHAT THAT MEANS BUT I CAN'T STOP LAUGHING

stfu don't kill gwen i'll KiLl you

agravaine literally needs to die

stop. i am literally SCREAMING when agravaine is asking gwen to meet him in his chambers. PLS. STOP. STOP STOP STOP. I NEED A WHISLTE. I BITE MY THUMB AT AGRAVAINE. HE NEEDS TO SACK THE HATEFUL MANSION. BETTER YET I'LL BURN HIS MANSION

again, someone tell me why capes are so hot. especially these red ones?? i'm in love with them.

ok see this guy?? he just died with the forst on his face. not merlin?? he started getting better. surly that should've tipped them off that merlin was different

merlin's little head quirk when he does magic. ALSFJASLDFJAS MERLIN. NO ONE SAID YOU WERE USELESS. AND IF THEY DID I WOULD BEAT. THEM. UP. GIVE ME ADDRESS RN.

wow. seriously. i'm gonna attach all the pretty landscape pictures

morgana's like 'i'll cut a b!tch'. ok ik morgana's evil and everything, but morgana flinging that guard against the wall is bad ass

oh this is weird but gwen telling agravaine to 'show courage' but the whole room tinted green? ik this isn't harry potter or anything but idk i thought that was interesting. i'm not abt to go into if i think agravaine is a slytherin or what but still

STOP. GET. YOUR. HANDS. AWAY. FROM. HER. I ACTULALY HATE HIM. SHE'S SO UNCOMFORTABLE. BACK THE FRICK UP AGARAVINE.

morgana :( smh you can't deny that morgana and gwen carried for each other and morgana flinging gwen away is making me sad. don't touch me

asldjfasldasd 'you're never alone' elyan i love you

lancelot and merlins being lads. omg no them talking about gwen

lancelot is SO noble. stop this reminds me of Die for you in secret by @emrysofmagic so much right now. not gonna lie. your fic LITERALLY lives in my head rent free and sometimes i think of it and my heart just HURTS in those last few chapeters. PHYSICALLy. i am in pain. anyways.

stop the trope where it's like "i love them, but i just want them to be happy. it doesn't matter if they're with me or not. i just want them to be happy"

I WAS LITERALLY SCREECHING AS MERLIN WAS CALLING KILGHARRAH i'm not even capping

ok so it's been like a month ish since i've watched merlin bc i was waiting for @//f-f-podcast 's destiny and chicken podcast, so i don't exactly what terms kilgharrah and merlin are at right now

still i think it's very sweet of merlin to bow slightly when kilgharrah looks at him

'the bravest and most noble of them all' 🥺

aw. merlin is really saying good bye right now

ok this scene is weird bc like i said, i don't rlly remember how merlin and kilgharrah are right now but it still makes me sad

asldjfslakdjfasd merlin and kilgharrah are old friends now. that makes me happy but sad at the same time

ok the 'it will be an empty world without you, young warlock' kills me.

obviously, we know that even though they butt heads, kilgharrah and merlin both care about each other

not only is kilgharrah being forced to let merlin go right now, but he's making peace with the fact that he'll be alone

the last dragonlord is planning to die. and kilgharrah is going to be alone again, like he was in that cave.

another thing is that if merlin died rn then we would never have aithusia. i'm kinda going on a tangent now but idk this scene is sad

this forest is so pretty

literally just lancelot's face and lancelot in this whole episode.

that's my note

HAHA GWAINE BURNING IS SOCKS

LADS BEING LADS

I LOVE THEM

omg i always see posts about this.

like merlin and lancelot planned that lancelot was going to walk in first and trick them and THEN merlin walked in

that's so funny to me. they're SO dramatic HAHAH

merlin looks so happy

BRO

ARTHUR

JUST HUG

HIM

PLS

STO

JUST HUG HIM WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM

Tell me why they actually look MARRIED here. PLS

🥲🥲 SELF SACRIFICING IDIOTS I LOVE YOU BOTH YOURE BREAKING MY HEART

LADS I LOVE THEM

🤠🤠 arthur wanting Gwen to be happy is KILLING ME. He loves her so much

This is so pretty. Honestly like how

Who let merlin have this many pretty landscapes

HOENSTLY

Lajs;dlkfajd buds in a boat together.

This reminds me of going to amusement parks and there’s always that boat ride

They’re the cutest

Ok so they also have this picture. It’s actually 3 pictures spliced together because the episode pans down and it’s really badly spliced (sorry) but LOOk how pretty that is.

WTF

Omg not me literally copying merlin with his slow mo head flick at the wyverns to make them go away

;sldkfjasdlkjasd leon percival and elyan and my heart.

Ok i’m not even gonna try to lie. They all have my heart

Frick you cailleah

Omg i was like ‘gwaine you dumbass’ jK i love him. Pls don’t come for my neck

Asldjfasldjfka ‘i’m prepared to pay whatever price is necessary’

HAHA CAN YOU NOT. WHAT IS WITH THIS CREEPY ‘COME HITHER’ HAND MOTION MS CAILLEAH

Stopp rn. ‘It’s my density

STOP. I AM HOWLING. LANCELOT

WHY

COME BACK

NO NONO PLS. YOU CAN’T DO THIS TO ME.

stop rn merlin is all alone.

PAN TO ARTHUR WHO IS LITERALLY SURROUNDED BY EVERYONE.

Stop they all look so sad. I’m so sad.

merlin looks like he’s cried

I’m not sure abt arthur with his ‘no man is worth your tears’ type business but still

I am ✨sad✨

I screamed at this picture. I am depressed

Anyways

Gwen’s face is killing me

I’m so sad i don’t even want to write commentaries

Arthur realizing that lancelot only died because he loved gwen

Gwen standing in front of the fire

Aslkdfjasldjfa im so sad

HER STANDING IN FRONT OF THE FIRE ALL ALONE.

I. AM. SO. SAD.

STFU THAT THRONE IS NOT “RIGHTFULLY” YOURS MORGANA

STOP PLS GET AWAY

WHAT IS WITH THIS WEIRD TENSION

PLS DO NOT STAND WITHIN KISSING DISTANCE

IK YOU’RE NOT TECHNICALLY BLOOD RELATED BUT STILL.

PLEASE.

STOP.

I HATE AGRAVAINE

✨we hate agravaine in this house✨

😭😭 not merlin having ANOTHER secret. I’m so sorry bby

Anyways! I’ll be back next week to rant more about the wicked day so I’ll see you then! thanks I love you bye

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jjmaybanksblog · 4 years

Text

Stress Release- John B

(Not my gif, credit for whoever created it!)

Summary: Friends with benefits; Two friends who trust each other enough to engage in sexual activity without fear of hurting the other's feelings.

Word count: 1,912

Warnings: Mentions fwb, sex, and underage drinking.

You rested on your stomach, textbook in front of you as John B joined your side. You two had been chosen to be partners for a Chemistry class project, but neither of you two had actually paid enough attention to figure out what you two we're doing.

You guys sat in silence for a minute before you exhaled loudly. "What's with the sigh?" You ground loudly, flipping yourself over and laying on your back.

"It's my senior year. I should be out in the world not giving a single fuck about anything, but I'm stressed out of my mind and I have no clue how to get rid of it." You ranted, grabbing the nearest pillow and screaming into it. John B looked at you with a confused look. "What? I'm a screamer. Not sexually, just at life in general." "I can make that sexually." He said, earning a smack from the pillow.

"Therapy?" "Tried." "Painting?" "Tried." "Going to the gym?" "Ha! You're fucking funny." John B remained quiet for a second before coming up with something. "Have you tried just hooking up with someone? You know, like a friends with benefits type thing."

Your head snapped up from it's spot as you stared at the boy with a dumbfounded look. "I'm sorry?" "Well it's just, if you need to release tension, shit like that helps a lot." John B said as he suddenly felt idiotic for bringing the idea up. You sat there for a moment, trying to process his words. "Okay but even if I wanted to I don't know who would even want to."

John B's index finger pointed to his face as you observed his gesture. "Really?and why would you want to be friends with benefits?" "I get stressed too, I help you out, you help me out." You considered his offer for a moment before agreeing on his idea.

"Okay. But we have to make a guideline." You negotiated, ripping out a piece of paper from the notebook. Now it was John B's turn to roll his eyes.

"First rule, we do not tell a single soul about this." You said, grabbing your pen and scribbling the words down. "Okay, okay. Second rule, we call each other whenever we need a release. Whenever and wherever." "No hooking up with anyone else unless either of us get

a boyfriend/girlfriend." He thought aloud.

You nodded your head, writing his words down quickly. "And the last one," you two looked at each other as you spoke in unison, "no feelings." You held the pen out towards him, giving you a questioning look. "What? We gotta make this shit official."

John B let out a chuckle as he took the pen from your hand and scribbled his name. Returning the pen to you, he adjusted himself so he was resting against the headboard. You quickly signed it, closing the notebook shut.

John B sighed softly before looking at youm "You stressed?" You quickly rose up from your spot, your legs resting on both sides of him as you straddled his lap. "You have no idea." His hands trailed up your back, one hand staying on your thigh and gently rubbing it. The other was wrapped tightly around your waist.

Your lips met halfway, he sighed in relief at the feeling of someone else's lips. The kiss was fierce and rushed, both of you wasting no time in getting your stress out.

_________________

You guys had this 'relationship' going for the last 5 months. Almost every other day you called each other. It was an odd thing for you to do. You had done it before in the past, but sex with John B was something else. There were nights where the type would change, he would take control for most of the time. Angry sex, sex in the living room, car sex, anything he wanted to do, you two did.

However, as time went on the feelings John B had began to change. He wanted to spend more time with you, and not just hook up. He wanted to find out more things about you, watch movies with you, be able to kiss you in public whenever he wanted. The at first sloppy sex slowly morphed into passionate sex. He noticed and it scared him shitless. He loved every moment he spent with you and he didn't want that to change.

He was mad at himself. That was the third rule and he broke it. He never expected it to happen, but when it did it slapped him right across the face.

You two were lying there naked, sheets covering your bare chests. You were fast asleep, your body facing him. He took in the tiny details about you, everything that he could. How sometimes your eyelashes flutter. How you'll snore sometimes. How he rests his hand on your cheek and you unknowingly lean into his touch. He buried this hole too deep and he can't get out.

You both were currently at your friend Angela's party, drunk teens were horribly dancing in the living room, couples were hooking up in the bedrooms and bathrooms. John B was drinking a shot of vodka as he saw you walk by, a red plastic solo cup in your hand. "Hey Routledge!" You winked at the boy who shyly drank from his cup.

A classmate of his walked up to John B, "Hey, what's with you and that Y/L/N chick?" The boy asked, nudging John B's shoulders. He smirked at his classmate leaning closer to him, "we're friends with benefits!" John B exclaimed, clearly tipsy and not knowing the words that are spilling out of his mouth.

The classmate smirked at the intoxicated teen, giving JB a high five, congratulating him. You were out in the backyard enjoying the night sky with Sarah Cameron.you two were laughing after watching someone run and fall into the pool.

The fun was quickly ruined as the classmate stood in front of you guys. "So Y/N, I heard you help release stress from my good old friend John B. How about you help me out?" Your face dropped in shock, the cup falling from your hand. "I'm sorry?" You asked, pretending not to understand what he was talking about.

"Oh yeah. But real shit, whenever I need something I'll give you a call." The boy sent you a wink before licking his lower lip and walking away. You stared at the ground in shock. "Are you okay?" "I don't know how to answer that." You admitted.

You stomped out of the backyard and out of the house. Stares, comments and giggles were all you noticed as you made your way through the crowded rooms. Making way to your car, you opened the door and slammed it shut. Your fists pounded down onto the steering wheel, accidentally punching the horn. You crossed your arms and leaned against the wheel. Your head fell against your arms as tears stung your eyes. You were furious at John B, but you were also angry with yourself.

During the time you had been sleeping with John B, you also began to realize how your heart would race a mile a minute with him, even before the physical contact. You had been trying to deny the feelings, 'it's just sex' you repeated to yourself over and over after every session. But to you it was something else, and that scared you.

You sped down down the road, the lights blurring from the tears, your cheeks and nose a shade of pink. Your breathing was uneven as you hicupped every now and then. Returning home, you quickly changed out of your clothes into pajamas and laid in bed. That night was the last time you and John B had an interaction for a whole month.

He would call you, but you'd let the answering machine pick up. You'd swerve him when you walked by him in the halls, catching his eye then turning around to walk the other way.

You wanted to distance yourself as much as you could. John B tried his best to apologize after his classmate reminded him that he told your secret that night at the party. He felt absolutely destroyed hearing the rumors that were spreading about you, about you both, he hated it.

Your eyes were sealed shut as you attempted to let sleep overtake your body. It was finally Friday and you just wanted to sleep for 12 hours. The sound of rain hitting your window sounded like heaven to your ears, just pure silence except for that one noise.

A soft tapping sound echoed off the window. Knowing it wasn't rain, you hesitantly opened your eyes to see John Booker Routledge holding himself as he stood in your backyard, in the pouring rain. His hair was plastered down onto his face. His clothes clung to his body. His eyes were squinted shut in hopes to not get too much water in them.

You quickly got up and pulled him through the window harshly, making him fall to the ground. His skin made a loud slapping noise as he made contact with the hardwood floor. You sighed, rubbing your forehead with the palm of your hand. "Hold on." You quickly went out of the room and walked back in with a towel. You handed it to him as you sat on the bad, John B standing there as he attempted to dry off.

"Look this isn't a guilt-trip. I just genuinely want to know if you dislike me so I can stop bothering you." He started, the towel running through his hair, drops of water flying everywhere. You sighed loudly and pitched the bridge of your nose. "I don't hate or dislike you. I hate that you spilled what we were to what's his face at the party. Do you know how many phone calls I've gotten of guys asking me to hook up with them? 24."

"What we were?" John B asked softly. "You broke your promise, you can't come back from that." You huffed, your eyes not leaving the floor. "It was just a fling." He lied, not only to you but to himself. "Not to me it wasn't." Your voice was just above a whisper.

"What?"

"Throughout the last few months things felt different. It was really fucking weird to think about, but my heart would always just... race when we spent time together. I wanted things to just be more than a fling. But I figured you just wanted it to be just that thing since you came up with the idea." you admitted. He lightly chuckled as he bent down to be face to face with you.

"Princess. I walked here to you in the rain. This is how much I love you. This," he pointed his finger between you two, "I want more than a fling. I want to be able to just walk around with you on my arm and just give you all the fucking affection I can give. And I'm sorry about the calls. I'll make sure people get the notice to-" you cut him off by quickly pressing your lips against his.

He exhaled loudly, your skin suddenly felt as if it were burning. "God I missed you." He mumbled against your lips as his thumb stroked your cheek. "Show me how much you missed me." You whispered, pulling the boy onto the bed.

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rye-views · 3 years

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A Promised Land by Barack Obama. 8/10

I would recommend this book to my friends. I would reread this book.

There are certain things that Barack articulates that I’m thankful for. His over-optimism and feelings of eccentricity. I completely related to its isolating feelings even though it wasn’t the same situation and experience as mine. It’s nice to see something similar from someone different. I also liked his description of feeling everything in its entirety and how it was like a movie splice. I have felt this many times and it’s a beautiful way to describe it. I like how so much of what Barack says, thinks, and feels are so genuine and relatable. It's nice to see someone articulate and empathize this well, esp. from a man and a man in power.

I love learning that Michelle was disappointed by the situation caused by his choices at times. Other things were more important at the time and nice to see it be relevant.

It’s interesting to see the difference between this book and “Becoming.” They have different aims, but it still shows me a difference between a man and woman. I also notice that when men are described, it’s always physical. When it’s women, it’s more character and personality.

Crazy how intelligent and emotionally aware Barack is. When he stated how he couldn't just pick and choose the good things of Reverend Wright's church, I was like true and wow.

The things that Toot taught Barack is what someone should've taught me as I grew up.

Barack comparing the rides to Noah's Ark is amusing.

When he mentions translations of what the Big 4 are saying, I think about how we can't be straightforward in politics. Why not?

It took me forever to read this because I really wanted to absorb the knowledge. There's a lot of events that are covered and things I had no idea about. I love how this catalogues so much of history that were relevant to my lifetime.

Memorable Quotes: “gives even my roughest drafts too smooth a gloss and lends half-baked thoughts the mask of tidiness” “I needed to focus on only those things to come.” “Much of what I read I only dimly understood” “a bond between those who had once seemed far apart.” “Whatever it was, I knew I wasn’t ready.” “An America that could explain me.” “I suffered rejections and insults often enough to stop fearing them.” “Enthusiasm makes up for a host of deficiencies.” “Failure and want were all around you.” “It should have been enough.” “but my mother was never one to see hard work as anything but good.” “On top of my sorrow, I felt a great shame.” “There’s a physical feeling, a current of emotion that passes back and forth between you and the crowd, as if your lives and theirs are suddenly spliced together, like a movie reel, projecting backward and forward in time, and your voice creeps right up to the edge of cracking, because for an instant, you feel them deeply; you can see them whole. You’ve tapped into some collective spirit, a thing we all know and wish for – a sense of connection that overrides our differences and replaces them with a giant swell of possibility – and like all things that matter most, you know the moment is fleeting and that soon the spell will be broken.” “To be a workhorse not a show horse – that was my goal.” “I had become a mere conduit through which people might recognize the value of their own stories, their own worth, and share them with one another.” "Yes we can." “the personal really was political” “I had to listen to, and not just theorize about, what mattered to people.” “it wasn’t so much what he did as how he made you feel. Like anything was possible. Like the world was yours to remake.” “It’s hard, in retrospect, to understand why you did something stupid.” “In fact, you shouldn’t even count on my vote.” “What do you consider your place in history?” “I could take a punch. And I didn’t give up.” “I knew I could afford to be patient.” “but the only way for Daddy to disguise himself is if he has an operation to pin back his ears.” “Forgotten people and forgotten voices remained everywhere.” “the more troops would become targets of an enemy they often could not see and did not understand.” “The power to inspire is rare. Moments like this are rare. You think you may not be ready, that you’ll do it at more convenient time. But you don’t choose the time. The time chooses you.” “people were moved by emotion, not facts.” “Beneath the low-key person and deep convictions, he just plain liked the combat.” "defined not by what they are but what they can never be." "To the relief of his keepers, the bear became accustomed to captivity." "he understood better than most the complications of race, religion, and family, and how good and bad, love and hate, might be hopelessly tangled in the same heart" "She was one of those quiet heroes that we have all across America." "But I worry that my memories of that night, like so much else that's happened these past twelve years, are shaded by the images that I've seen, the footage of our family walking across the stage, the photographs of the crowds and lights and magnificent backdrops." "a keeper of values we'd once thought ordinary but had learned were more rare than we had ever imagined." ""It's going to be hard to get the public excited about food stamps and repaving roads," Axe said. "Not real sexy."" "This time I said nothing, admiring his occasional, almost endearing ability to state the obvious." "You must be under the mistaken impression that I care." "all of them unified only in their common desire to be somewhere else." "ready to die for eternal joy--or maybe just a taste of something better." "But make no mistake, it was weird." "the unspoken regrets." "my supporters lacked all conviction, while my opponents were full of passionate intensity." "Michelle was someone who started from the heart and not the head, from experience rather than abstractions." "I wanted to believe that the ability to connect was still there. My wife wasn't so sure." “The

audacity of hope.” "Sometimes your most important work involved the stuff nobody noticed." "forgotten under the accumulation of the new joys and paints that make up a life." "you learn to improvise to meet your objectives--or at least to cut your losses." "They would take for granted that their aunt was on the U.S. Supreme Court, shaping the life of a nation--as would kids across the country. Which was fine. That's what progress was like." "Did they miss the rhythms of ordinary life? Were they lonely? Did they sometimes feel a jolt in their heart and wonder how it was that they had ended up where they were?" "I reminded myself that every president felt saddled with the previous administration's choices and mistakes, that 90 percent of the job was navigating inherited problems and unanticipated crises. Only if you did that well enough, with discipline and purpose, did you get a real shot at shaping the future." "Was it possible that abstract principles and high-minded ideals were and always would be nothing more than a pretense, a palliative, a way to beat back despair, but no match for the more primal urges that really moved us, so that no matter what we said or did, history was sure to run along its predetermined course, an endless cycle of fear, hunger and conflict, dominance and weakness?" "meant to be a reminder--in a place premised on hate and intolerance--of the common humanity we share." "A man making up for things." "For war was contradiction, as was the history of America." "To be known. To be heard. To have one's unique identity recognized and seen as worthy. It was a universal human desire" "pleasures that cost nothing, belonged to no one, and were accessible to all." "I suppose, when the world slows down, your strivings get pushed to the back of your mind." "whether in my seeming calm as crises piled up, my insistence that everything would work out in the end, I was really just protecting my self--and contributing to her loneliness." "It was a lonely thought at a lonely time." "You never looked as smart as the ex-president did on the sidelines." "Get exposed to other people's truths, I thought, and attitudes change." "It wasn't often, I thought, that a true act of conscience is recognized that way." "their struggles and resentments troubling but remote." "are mere conduits for the deep, relentless currents of the times or whether we're at least partly the authors of what's to come." "contemplating the knife's edge between perceived success and potential catastrophe" "daily, unheralded acts of people who weren't seeking attention but simply knew what they were doing and did it with pride." "She makes me better as a person and better on the page."

#a promised land #promised land #barack obama #book #review #commentary #rye-views #8

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kiyoominous · 3 years

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starburst matchup

exchange with @haikyuu-matches

hello! thanks for doing this with me, i think it's such a cute idea! i hope you don't mind that i've went with a more narrative approach with this matchup, i have never done one in my life D:

you have been matched with komori motoya!

falling for you!

komori met you at a community volleyball club. he doesn't visit too often, with the responsibilities of his own high school club, but he likes to play when he can. one particular day, he entered the community centre and saw you in all your 5'6 glory. the last time he came, he didn't see you in the crowd of familiar neighbourhood faces. you stood further towards the back of the hall, fidgeting with your fingers. this image looked all too familiar to komori, the cousin of a particularly standoffish ace. a sympathetic pang in his chest and he walked over to you, smiling as your eyes met his.

you both traded names and he noticed that you were a little quiet. that was okay, he could talk around that. and he did, asking you questions and trying his hardest to make you feel comfortable. taking glances at your face, he saw the corners of your mouth turn upwards and noted that it was working.

was it weird that he was enjoying it?

komori doesn't remember too many things about that day. the volleyball match was fun and he remembered doing a really good receive. the rest of his memories from that day were filled with you. you and your shy smile, you and your dark chocolate eyes, you and your cute jokes. sure, you could've been the same as every other girl he's met in his life but there was something so discernibly about you. something so outstanding that he felt couldn't be matched. he couldn't put his finger on it so he made it his mission to finally put a name to this feeling.

he found that the second he mentally declared his manhunt to define his thoughts on you, he was seeing you everywhere. he spotted you at the convenience store, he bumped into you at the dog park and he saw you at school. he saw you at school? komori was mildly surprised to see you in the cafeteria of his school, which was your's too. you weren't all too shocked, you knew about him through volleyball monthly but you didn't want to tell him that you did.

five minutes of conversation and he discovered that you were both in different classes. no wonder why he never saw you around. or perhaps he did but he never took notice of your sleek black hair. he was always accompanying sakusa anyway so he didn't really notice anyone outside of his club or his class.

somehow, someone mentioned the upcoming exam season. you declared your conflict with standardised testing, he proclaimed his struggle with revising content in return. it became very obvious to komori that his chance to understand you more intently was here; he could ask you to study with him! talk about killing two birds with one stone. you agreed to his plan with a gentle smile and he felt his heart flutter. was it the satisfaction of your agreement or was it something deeper?

he decided that the answer would come to him later, not now.

after the much anticipated study session came another one, and another one, and then studying morphed into free time. and then free time morphed into a weekly friday night hangout. unbeknownst to him, one of the beloved friday nights would become a vehicle for his romantic epiphany.

komori enjoyed this turn of events. as much as he wouldn't admit it out loud, komori realised that he enjoyed your presence too. maybe a little too much. every second he spent with you, he felt his heart racing faster than it ever did after a volleyball match. it didn't help that your accidental touches made it accelerate even more. he didn't think that was even possible. it was impossible to not drink in the sight of you. the glow of your face, your silky dark hair, your gleaming brown eyes. perhaps you might’ve found them boring and painfully average but he thought you were the prettiest person he’d ever had the pleasure of perceiving.

his fixation on you extended past your outward appearance and dove right within your mind, your heart, your very soul. he loved the sound of your laugh, the noise was melodious to him. he loved your sense of humour, all of those puns and dad jokes were right up his alley. hearing them made his heart flutter even more. he loved your hardworking nature, your love for the rain, the passion you put into everything you adored.

he loved you.

komori saw your widening eyes in his vision and suddenly he was brought back to the cold of your living room, back to the dark of the midnight sky, back to where he was sitting right now; next to you on the timber floorboards. the neon light of the television reflected on your pretty face, the movie playing on the screen long forgotten in favour of you.

the realisation that he said that out loud hit him right in the chest and he felt like he was going to pass out. komori felt the air enter his lungs again when he heard you reciprocate loud and clear.

you loved him too.

the relationship dynamic!

you're both the most entertaining pair to be around, the gemini/leo combo makes for a fun relationship.

the two of you are one of those couples that people want to be around, wishing to stick around to laugh with you and just see you so in love.

with your mom friend energy and his dad friend energy (which i know he just has), you both become the designated parents amongst your friends. whether its a blessing or a curse, that's up to them to decide.

the two of you are constantly on the same wavelength.

it’s never too loud or too quiet with komori, just the right balance of both.

he loves your sense of humour and thinks you’re one of the funniest people on the planet. it helps that he’s absolutely enamoured by your puns and dad jokes. sometimes he’ll shoot one right back at you just to hear you laugh.

you both like poking a little fun at each other, giving teasing remarks or sarcastic quips.

komori cares so much about you.

he understands your need to recover in social situations and gives you the time that you need. he’s willing to be the pillar you run to whenever your social battery’s running low.

though he admires your hardworking nature, he won’t hesitate to stop you if you overwork yourself. he always encourages breaks and offers to do your work for you if that’s what you need. not necessarily a nagging type of person but if he needs to take physical action, he’ll do it. it’s mostly just him stealing your laptop and pulling you into his lap for a cuddle.

he doesn’t hesitate to remind you that you don’t have to be a people pleaser. an understanding man, he knows that it’s hard to just get over it so he tells you that he’ll be with you every step of the way, always giving you a gentle reminder of how cool you are to him and that you can say no.

komori wants to be the shoulder you lean on whenever you’re facing something you don’t like. loud noises? he’ll hold you close and rub your back, telling you that it’ll all be okay. confrontation? he’ll confront them for you. injuries? he’ll keep an eye on you to make sure that you’re never going to be hurt. on the off chance that you do earn a wound, komori will ensure that you’re fixed up as soon as possible. he has a whole mini first aid kit on him specifically for this reason. fear of losing? he’ll always remind you that your efforts mattered more than the results and give you a kiss on the top of your head. the unknown? he’ll waddle through the unknown with you. he’s scared of it too but he won’t tell you that. violence? he’ll cover your eyes and guide you away with strong, gentle arms.

he loves indulging himself in all of your interests.

on lazy days, he’ll sit with you and take turns reading a book to each other out loud. sometimes it’s a whole novel, sometimes it’s a manga you’ve picked up from the library. he thinks it’s cute seeing your eyebrows furrow while you concentrate on the words in front of you.

the study dates don’t end. whenever one of you is struggling with a subject, the other visits to be their personal tutor. it ends up being you a lot of the time, since komori loves your studying method.

komori loves to read your writing. there are days where you go over to his to hangout and sit in silence. he adores that he can be that relaxed around you and lounge around on his phone while you sit up with your laptop propped on your lap. you’re always writing up a draft of a new creative piece whenever he glances at your laptop. he graciously offers to be your beta reader and indulges in every word you’ve typed. komori thinks that your writing style is so beautiful.

one day, you told him that you like the french language and he spent a week trying to learn how to say ‘i love you’ and maybe a couple of other phrases to surprise you out of nowhere. when he saw your shock, he giggled and wrapped his arms around you. from that moment on, he would occasionally whisper je t'aime into your ear. he loves you so much omg.

you play sports together. it doesn’t matter what it is; be it volleyball, tennis or soccer. you’re both a power duo in every game you play and everyone’s scared to play again the two of you. it helps that your boyfriend is one of the most notable liberos in japan.

komori likes watching anything with you. sometimes when you’re both too tired to go out, he’ll set up his tv to watch whatever you’re in the mood for. one day you might catch up on my hero academia. another day you might be sniffling at a romcom. he likes romcoms more than he’d like to admit but he tells you about this guilty pleasure to appease your love for the genre.

you mentioned to him once that you liked handwritten letters and komori made it his personal mission to write one for you personally once a month. they’re always so heartfelt, a clear reflection of him and his emotions towards you. he enjoys writing them as much as he enjoys the expression on your face when you read them.

he seems to be the greek mythology enthusiast himself so he loves talking to you about it. and by enthusiast, i mean that komori was one of those kids who owned the whole entire percy jackson series. since the most that he knows about greek mythology is whatever is written in the percy jackson books, he lets you sit with him and educate him on the extensive lore of the gmcu (greek mythology cinematic universe).

he loves hearing you talk about astrology and gets into it himself. he can’t help it, especially with the bright smile you hold on your face whenever you talk about it. when he first found out about your astrological compatibility, he was over the moon. the grin that he had on his face was so big that you thought that it looked like the moon itself. he’s downloaded co-star and reads his and your horoscope sometimes.

date idea!

komori decided to take you to a cat cafe after you mentioned the idea of it to him once. it’s a very him thing to do, to remember something you’ve told him offhandedly once and immediately make something big out of it.

the second you step in, your eyes glimmer with delight as they land on the multitude of cats in the vicinity. you don’t even look back to him at once, swerving your attention to the cafe’s residents. at least you’re holding his hand still, he thinks. maybe he’s a little jealous but hey, the visible joy on your face beats his concern over being prioritised after felines living in a cafe.

after what seemed like hours of cat-petting, you both sat to order, the food arriving in a pleasingly timely fashion. the lunch items were delicious, the desserts were divine but komori was even more drawn to the soft look of adoration on your face as you stared at a calico cat that frequently passed by the two of you.

this might’ve been his best date idea yet, he thought.

#starburst matchup #haikyuu-matches #hikari's writing!!

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