You Will Be Found

This is a meandering ramble that starts funny and sweet and weird and ends funny and sweet and weird, but gets a little dark in the middle. So there's that. Also there are going to be a couple music links. Because reasons.

So my kid is competing in a state academic competition for arts and humanities knowledge. In most areas here, he already kicks my ass, but one area he calls 'a weakness' is Broadway musicals, and I'm a sappy dork, so of course I love Broadway musicals. He told me after the regional competition that he got a Broadway question right because of me. 'I just guessed Dear Evan Hansen because I know you watched that this past summer, and it was right!' So we've been casually talking about musicals on walks with the dogs and rides to school. Today's ride to school was about Fiddler on the Roof, because we were watching a rerun of That 70s Show with breakfast, and Kitty Forman was singing Sunrise Sunset with Charo and a member of KISS (yes really).

Me: This is a song from a musical. Fiddler on the Roof. I actually think you'd like that one. I mean, it's kind of long, but I think you'd like it, based on the plot. Plus, it's referenced a lot in pop culture. It's one of the ones that shows up a lot in references.

Boy: Cool. What are some other songs and character names? So I can maybe get it on my test...

Anyway, it's gotten me on a show tunes kick on Spotify lately, and I made a Broadway/Musicals playlist today. And I put it on shuffle, and You Will Be Found from Dear Evan Hansen came up and made me cry during a workout. Again, not to spoil more media for people who might want to give it a try, but that song is important in the play. Evan Hansen is a kid who goes largely unnoticed by everyone. To the point that he fell out of a tree and broke his arm and no one noticed that he was hurt or missing for...a WHILE. He had to get himself to help. And no one even signed his cast. Except for one 'bad kid' at school who signed it in like a threatening sort of way. And that kid ends up committing suicide, and his family assumes Evan Hansen is his friend...his only friend...because he is the only one who signed Evan's cast. So this kid's family is so kind to Evan (something he's not really used to...he's used to being ignored and unseen), he doesn't want to break their hearts further and tell them that their kid wasn't his friend, really...and he lies. And then EVERYONE starts paying a lot of positive attention to Evan. Because he gives this eloquent speech about how this kid was the one who found him when he fell out of the tree (which is a lie), and that's the basis of the song You Will Be Found. The lie takes off and gives all these people hope when the truth was, Evan really WAS alone and he WASN'T found. I remember watching this play and relating to this song and this feeling so so much. That feeling of having only yourself to count on and that no one will even notice if you're hurt or missing. And one of my all time favorite Broadway musical songs, that I have always related to since the first time I heard it in my teens, from the play Chicago, is Mr. Cellophane. It's similarly themed. It's about not mattering and not being seen or noticed. I have felt like that so often in my life, particularly my early life, and still sometimes do. But don't worry, because here comes the other funny sweet part...

I'm not like cellophane now. Not at my home now. If I am missing, it is most definitely noticed, practically immediately, no matter how minor the time or reason is. I know this because a couple weeks ago, I made a trip to the restroom outside of our normal morning routine, and J couldn't find me when he came out of the bedroom after showering and getting dressed. He didn't see the light under the bathroom door. So he looked in the kitchen and downstairs, and he even looked in the back yard and woke up the Boy at 5:30 am to see if I'd gone up to check on him for some reason.

J: Is Mom up here? Boy: What, Dad? No. (grumbles back to aggravated sleep)

J finally, after knocking on the door and saying 'Hello' in a slightly panicked voice, found me. I asked where he thought I was, giggling. I asked why his FIRST move wasn't the bathroom. I asked if HE was alright because like...dude, I was just in the bathroom. But honestly...I have maybe never felt more loved than that morning. J really does notice when I'm there, and I don't have to wave my arms or cluck like a hen or whatever. Now, I really WILL be found.

I love ending e-mails with "thank you in advance". Like what are you going to now? Not do the thing I already thanked you for? Bring dishonor on yourself like that? No? I didn't think so. Check mate you have been played by the master of manipulation.

the continued adventures of an internet user who was frozen in 2004 and defrosted in 2021: some things are just the way you left them

previous 2004 internet user comics are here: one, two, three, four, five; or just in my 2004 tag

Limited clothing options. True story.

honestly no wonder harrow forced ianthe to lobotomize her so she could save gideon. listen…LISTEN…if i was a secret-war-crime cult nunlet princess worshipped by my entire planet and the only person that (barely) kept me in check was my childhood nemesis—a butch a year older than me, towering over me in stature and physical prowess, and so hot it made my teeth hurt from how hard my jaw clenched in her presence, who wielded a two-handed seven-foot sword and had irritatingly huge biceps and told very lewd stupid jokes and also learned how to wield an entirely new weapon and be my bodyguard with startling accuracy in three months—only to have us finally learn to trust each other because we got invited to a magic murder mystery and then before the bubble burst i spilled the worst secret about myself that i was born because my parents murdered an entire generation and tried to Kill Her along with them and she just wouldnt die, and i told her this expecting a swift death i believed i deserved, only for her to fucking cradle me in her big butch arms and kiss me on my forehead with her soft butch mouth and just. forgive me for a shameful weight ive carried my entire life and then MAKE AN ACTUAL NECRO/CAV VOW with me despite every evil thing i have done to her……to have her tell me, in the end, bleeding and broken after putting up the most beautiful and glorious fight of her life, that she understands purpose and she understands duty and she knows loyalty more fiercely than ever now, that she knows who she is to me, that there is no her without me….to have her backed into a corner and make the ultimate sacrifice…..for me…..to recite scriptural wedding vows of eternity to me in her last wisps of soul-consciousness…..if i thought there was even a snowflake’s chance in the pyre that i could save her by turning myself into her very own locked tomb, i’d be begging ianthe tridentweirdius to crack my skull open and turn me to mush too, goddamn. i understand you harrowhark girl you don’t have to explain a thing to me. god said you couldn’t undo the lyctor’s bond bc it’d kill you. you told god and his angels that not even a lyctor’s bond could outshine the power of female spite and lesbianism and they didn’t listen. they didn’t believe you. but i heard you loud and clear and i was 17 and hormonal and hopelessly romantic not too long ago unlike those fucking dinosaurs and i’m saying it’s valid it’s what i would have done and really everyone should be thanking you for not being worse and more wretched about it, all things considered

Just gonna have to wait and see, right? Just wait and see! Just gotta wait and see! Who knows, we'll just have to wait and see! It's anybody's guess, we'll just have to wait and see! The future is exciting, we just gotta wait and see!

being aromantic is like. hey btw you're going to live a life that is the culmination of most of society's worst nightmares. sorry lol ✌️ but then you turn around and take a really good hard look at it and it turns out that living in that nightmare is fucking awesome and you get to wake up every day and take that fear that other people have and laugh and hold it close until it's a great joy for you instead. and being happy is a radical act that you define instead of someone else. and you're sexy as fuck that's just a fact of life i don't make the rules on that one

btw if you borrow dvds or cds from library you can rip them onto your own blanks or onto your hard drive or whatever. librarians don’t care and they won’t know if you do it or not

love when men cry about body hair bc "it's hygiene" and yet 15% of cis men leave the bathroom without washing their hands at all and an additional 35% only just wet their hands without using soap. that is nearly half of all men. that means statistically you have probably shaken hands with or been in direct contact with one of these people.

love when men say that women "only want money" when it turns out that even in equal-earning homes, women are actually adding caregiver burdens and housework from previous years, whereas men have been expanding leisure time and hobbies. in equal-earning households, men spend an average of 3.5 hours extra in leisure time per week, which is 182 hours per year - a little over a week of paid vacation time that the other partner does not receive. kinda sounds like he wants her money.

love that men have decided women are frail and weak and annoying when we scream in surprise but it turns out it's actually women who are more reliable in an emergency because men need to be convinced to actually take action and respond to the threat. like, actually, for-real: men experience such a strong sense of pride about their pre-supposed abilities that it gets them and their families killed. they are so used to dismissing women that it literally kills them.

love it. told my father this and he said there's lies, damned lies, and statistics. a year ago i tried to get him to evacuate the house during a flash flood. he ignored me and got injured. he has told me, laughing, that he never washes his hands. he has said in the last week that women are just happier when we're cooking or cleaning.

maybe i'm overly nostalgic. but it didn't used to feel so fucking bleak. it used to feel like at least a little shameful to consider women to be sheep. it just feels like the earth is round and we are still having conversations about it being flat - except these conversations are about the most obvious forms of patriarchy. like, we know about this stuff. we've known since well before the 50's.

recently andrew tate tried to justify cheating on his partner as being the "male prerogative." i don't know what the prerogative for the rest of us would be. just sitting at home, watching the slow erosion of our humanity.

ugh... this sceeeeeeene 🥰 STRANGER THINGS | 4.01

My Sam & Max cosplay I debuted at a local con during the weekend!

The constant temptation and promise of everything and nothing in the odyssey. The sirens promise odysseus to know, and the lotus eaters promise him to forget. He could be an immortal, and he could be a beggar. Be known, and be a stranger. He could be alive, and he could be dead. He could be odysseus, and he could be nobody. And the man of many ways tries to be a little bit of everything.

I'm not sure why crispy chickpeas aren't everywhere as like a top ADHD snack because they are:

Delicious (so you will actually seek them out/want to eat them)

Crispy (a good stim for texture people)

Easy to make (super hands off, they just roast for like 30 minutes while you do something else)

Healthy (it's literally just beans! Such protein!)

Versatile (you can switch up the seasonings if you get tired of one flavor; you can also put them on/in a bunch of different dishes)

Cheap AF & forgiving of your timeline (a can of chickpeas won't go bad in your pantry if you don't have the energy to make something with them this week)

So here's the resippy.

Cooked chickpeas (I usually use one can)

Olive oil

Salt

Paprika or curry powder or rosemary or your favorite spice (optional)

Steps:

Drain and rinse your chickpeas.

Dump them onto a towel or paper towel and rub them dry a bit.

Remove any loose skins. If you're feeling extra you can remove all the skins; this makes them slightly crispier. I do not find this to be worth it.

Put them on a baking sheet (lined with parchment paper if you want to save yourself some cleanup). Toss with a drizzle of olive oil, a generous pinch or two of salt, and your seasoning.

Roast in your oven. I usually do 400°F for about 25-30 minutes, but this is pretty forgiving and you can do 425 for 20 minutes or whatever you want to do

Taste a chickpea. It should have an audible crunch. If it doesn't, put it back in until it does

When done, taste for seasoning and add any additional salt or seasoning you want. Proceed to devour them.

These are best fresh, but I still like them later on (if I don't eat them all right away). Store in an airtight container for a couple days at room temp or a few days in the fridge.

Enjoy!!