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rossodelgiorno · 3 years

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2020/ Chain of Fools

2020 was the year I adopted a boiler suit and gas mask as a daily uniform. The world had gone into a global lockdown to combat the COVID19 virus which meant we were only allowed to leave our house for essential reasons such as grocery shopping and exercise. When outside, we were government mandated to wear face masks to prevent the spread of the disease. They made me feel like a muzzled dog and I resented no longer being able to smile with strangers on the street. Feeling like a prisoner in his own home and under extreme stress from job insecurity, my boyfriend Jake’s amphetamine addiction began to spiral out of control.

As a result of Jake’s addiction, we had accidentally befriended a posse of drug dealers and prostitutes- bonded by our love of having a good time and a general disregard for consequence. We met Dani through a call girl friend of mine who had realised the difficulty of making a living through writing online fashion content. Dani had big brown eyes, fat, botoxed lips and dressed only in high end labels like Gucci and Balmain. Born into a wealthy family, she had acquired a taste for expensive things but lacked the work ethic to maintain this taste without selling her body for sex. Dani began to visit more throughout the lockdown to deliver Jake drugs, hidden in a bag of a groceries. One night, she played Carole King on our old vinyl player, while Jake rolled us a joint to share. I flirted with them both, knowing that it would lead to a threesome. We smoked Jake’s joint, snorted lines of cocaine off each other and then took turns going down on each other.

A week later, Dani introduced us to a crew of “script kiddies”- long haired, internet hackers with a love of mumble rap, cryptocurrency and ketamine. I made cocktails for everyone and established that one of these kids shared a mutual friend with Jake. They seemed fascinated by the genuine sexual chemistry between myself, Jake and Dani and expressed gratitude for our generous hospitality. Eventually I came to the conclusion that by associating us with this crowd, Dani had managed to successfully pray on the vulnerable- trusting junkies like us who were lax with internet security and keen for a good time. In retrospect, I wish I had known that Dani was a hustler at heart- making money in any way she could without considering the impact of her choices. At the time however, I felt like we were fully living life in the moment- something I was certain would bring me happiness, meaning and didn’t question her motives for a moment.

Ella, Dani’s best friend, had a boyish pixie cut, high cheekbones and was tall and slim. She had gradually joined in on our shenanigans, along with Mark, a dealer with a steady supply of the best gear available north of the river. We all hung out together in our plant-filled, converted warehouse listening to electronic music and sharing stories about our favourite mind-altering substances. My stories were consistently focused on MDMA. As a notoriously private person, I’d discovered MDMA helped me open up and allowed me to dance, free of fear of judgement. It had also helped Jake open up about the sexual abuse he experienced as child, a fact I doubted would have ever come up without the influence of a truth serum and something which I was certain had driven him to substance abuse in the first place.

While we laughed, chatted and danced with Dani and Mark, Ella, who claimed to be a part time poet and part-time model, entered a viral script virus onto our wireless network by requesting our wifi password. Something we provided willingly, without second thought. This meant remote access to every digital device we owned and access to all stored personal information including scanned copies of our passports and birth certificates.

The issue with Mark, despite his criminal lifestyle, was that he was excellent company. Intelligent, engaging and a DJ in his spare time- we thrived off his love of hip hop and old-school funk. Similarly, he thrived off our property location in the Inner North- close to his regular customers and discrete enough from the prying eyes of authority. We welcomed him into our home with open arms, deprived of social contact through social distancing practices enforced by the pandemic. We held COVID19 illegal gatherings where we got high off Mark’s supply, enjoyed each other’s company while Ella hacked our electronic identities. When you’re lonely, it doesn’t really matter if others are using you and you’re using them. As long as everyone is filling a clearly defined role, the maladaptive social ecosystem continues to function.

It’s unclear exactly how many international drug smuggling routes were established using our stolen online identities before Jake clued on that something wasn’t right. He told me that he had been locked out of his email account, that the speed of his phone had slowed and that he could hear clicking noises during his phone calls. He was certain that his was a breach of online security and started to question the motives of our new friends. I wrote him off as crazy, blaming his excessive use of amphetamines and the psychological effect of social isolation. I was determined to keep my online identity public, obsessed by the idea of becoming the next millennial therapist and too blinded by Dani’s beauty to believe that she would want to harm us in any way.

Eventually Jake’s distress became too extreme to ignore and he shook me violently one night, yelling at me to believe what I had assumed was a paranoid conspiracy theory. A sinking feeling in my gut became apparent when he started to coherently piece together his concerns about his online security issues. I realized that my sense of reality had been clouded by my lust for Dani and by a dark depression that had developed through my work as an essential worker during a pandemic. Based on Jake’s erratic behaviour, I knew we had to get out of the warehouse immediately, but I had no idea where to go and was fearful of drawing attention to any law-breaking activity when police presence was so prominent.

We agreed to seek refuge with our friends Trish and Rick, former 90s British ravers who had channeled their drug-fuelled benders into successful and respectable careers. I called them panicked that night, shaking and rambling about what had happened. Without hesitancy, Trish told us to come over right away. Rick’s brother back in the UK had recently killed himself and they were struggling too. Trish and Rick lived in an affluent area in the inner East which meant we needed to blend in quickly through a disguise of expensive athleisure and an almost painful sense of normality. It appeared that our efforts at disguise were successful and it seemed to result in freedom from any unusual online activity on our devices. We bought new phones, changed our phone numbers, email addresses and disconnected from the outside world for an entire week. We spoke about going to the police, however we both agreed that this would place us at too much risk to the criminal world to be a viable option.

When your online identity is stolen, you quickly start to daydream what it would be like to steal someone else’s identity. For example, what exactly would you do with those proceeds of crime? Which tropical island would you escape to, what designer clothes would you wear, which car would you drive? I quickly became entranced and jealous at the thought of this fantasy life, but then spent time reflecting on my own morality and these feelings subsided. Instead, an intense anger developed at the thought of others taking advantage of Jake and his mental illness. High on a sense of ethical superiority and new found fury, I decided to employ my favourite psychological defense mechanism, repression, to cope with my latest traumas. May you rest in peace, memory, I said to myself before engaging in my daily mediation ritual.

While repressing my consciousness, I also began to focus on the importance of social support. I knew this shit was important but didn’t fully understand until Trish brushed my hair one night, my arms too frail from fear and stress to function. Trish and Rick played familiar Britpop, drank tea and encouraged us to embrace the therapeutic benefits of music through use of the guitar and keyboard that we had brought to their house. We took turns cooking for each other, played board games and counselled each other through each personal problems, one at a time.

Jake and I stayed with Trish and Rick for two weeks until we could establish an exit plan from the city. We migrated to rural Victoria like many other Melbournians, traumatized by the lockdown. The pace in the country was slow yet calming and people genuinely seemed to care about your welfare when they inquired “How you going, mate?” After such an extended period of social isolation, many of us forgot how to interact with others. We valued and craved human connection more than ever, and yet we seemed scared of what we might connect with. We continued to develop our own deformed version of sign language to communicate through the face masks and focused on re-developing social skills that had been lost through extended disconnection.

Jake and I continued to battle through the challenges of online identity theft and the consequences of his addiction issues. Jake’s substance use had subsided substantially without the influence of Mark and Dani and we eventually adjusted to living normal, routine driven lifestyles. He had cycled through periods of problematic use before, however I still felt somewhat shell shocked by the intensity of his most recent relapse. However, one day late in December I found myself wandering through the tranquility of the Otways, fully freed from the constraints of the lockdown which had finally lifted and contemplating my progress in life since leaving this place as a teenager. The rainforest sounds were vivid and the smells of the ocean salty in my nostrils. I wasn’t where I had planned to end the year 2020, but I was alive and I had Jake. And for that, I felt eternally grateful.

Rosso Del Giorno

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lollytea · 5 years

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can you tell us more about the snufmin kids, if thats okay?

Oh of course, of course!! i love those children so much dude!!!

[Original OC post]

Beginnings

-Torben’s origins are kinda a downer but basically his mom was a witch on the outskirts of a little village (real far away from moominvalley) who was killed after a lot of fearmongering. they raided her cottage afterwards and found baby torben and assumed him to be a child she stole.

- They couldnt find the “real mother” and he ended up in the care of a childrens’ home. He actually bounced around a few of them until he ended up in the home where he met with his future siblings. according to those working there, he had a rather unnerving stare and a lot of them felt there was something not quite right about him. (the rumor going around was it was something the witch had “done to him” and that “the poor child might never be the same”) he was a lot more sullen as a baby who didnt have much of an interest in toys and had a hard time connecting with the other children. He brightened up considerably when he found Birch and Essi

- Birch was an oddity from the start. (Species headcanon from here) Its natural for woodies grow in groups, usually from trees and bushes, so theyre biologically social creatures who are hardly ever seen alone. But Birch may have been a spectacle of his species, as he was formed in a moss patch and born all on his own.

- Another thing that was considered strange about him was his lack of imprinting. Woodies tend to latch on to the first “safe” person they meet, who then forcibly becomes their “parent”. (Woodies are produced asexually and have no “real parents” so finding a person of protection is often done as a survival tactic. It’s recommended that one stay away from woodies if one is not ready for children.) Baby Birch was discovered by a farmer and surprisingly did not take to him right away, like any woodie does. Actually he was rather standoffish and even bit if the old man touched him. He was sent to the home not long after.

- Space was tight and there werent a lot of cribs/beds to go around, so Birch didn’t have one to himself. Instead they just squeezed him into 2 year old torben’s crib for the two children to share. Here they became inseparable, with Birch, maybe not imprinting but forming a close bond with somebody and finally finding a source of comfort. He bit a little less after this. Likewise with Torben, who gained a caring gleam in his eye once he had a little one to care for. Even when Torben was old enough for a proper bed, he insisted Birch sleep with him and would not budge on the matter. The home gave in and allowed it.

- Essi’s origin was a simple one, of just being born at the wrong time. In a house packed with mumrik children, one more simply could not be accommodated. I dont want to say her birth parents were terrible people but with the amount of kids they had, they were rather jaded to a fresh baby face and werent too emotional in deciding they need to be rid of her.

- She was never an angry or intentionally misbehaved baby when under the care of the home. She just needed a lot of stimulation that she wasnt getting and tended to tear up her clothes, curtains and bedsheets. It was also concerning that she never cried, or babbled or made any sound at all. It had falsely interpreted as some fort of defect child. They didnt know if it was right to mix her with the other babies, seeing as with the damage her claws had already done, they felt she could be dangerous. She was left on her own a lot.

- The other two met Essi when they were caught stealing food from the kitchen and locked away on their own to think about how sorry they were. But being tight on space, the only isolated room was the one where Essi was kept. They had heard about her being “the baby who didnt cry” and were very intrigued. but upon further inspection of the wriggling little girl in the cot, Torben observed that she looked lonely. They wondered if she simply wasnt capable of crying, which would be awful if one wanted to express their sadness. After entertaining her throughout their isolation period, the two decided that she was now their baby. And they would be her siblings. They would all belong to each other. As a family.

Miscellaneous HCs:

-Torben sleeps like he’s fucking comatose. There is no waking him. Even when living with Moomintroll and Snufkin, he and Birch still share a bed and Torben kicks and Birch (a light sleeper) hates it. But no matter how much arguments and late night brawls this causes, they still refuse to get separate beds.

- Essi has a crib in Moomintroll’s room and sleeps there until she’s like 4. (She always magically ends up from her crib to her papa’s stomach by morning.) They tried to get her a “big girl room” when she was bigger but she didnt adapt very well as she couldnt sleep when she was alone. They had to move her into her siblings’ room. She slept soundly after that.

- Moomintroll and Snufkin often tell the kids stories from their youth, sometimes using anonymous names to work as “fictional stories” lest they frighten them (or for the sake of their own dignity). Essi is very disturbed by the story of the the hobgoblin’s hat, while Birch can only scoff and wonder aloud what sort of idiot was that moomin who went and put the thing on his head. Moomintroll stares dead ahead and refuses to meet eyes with a highly amused Snufkin.

- Early on in his training, Alicia gifts Torben with his own witch hat. With much excitement, he immediately plops the thing on only for his whole head to disappear under it. Alicia laughs, informing him only a fully trained witch can wear it properly and the hat will adjust accordingly once he’s ready. (The hat freaks Moomin the fuck out. He does not care for magical hats anymore.)

- Essi has a little stuffed yellow bird that Mymble got her, which she carries around (often in her mouth) everywhere. She named him Comet, based on the story of when her papas first met.

- Speaking of Mymble (the younger), she loves doing Essi’s hair, although it took her a while to get accustomed to the little mumrik’s big mop of curls and couldnt understand why brushing it was so hard at first. She’s familiar with it now and often weaves in little flowers and ribbons.

- Birch is very close with Snorkmaiden who thinks his flowering skin is very pretty and encourages his writing and curiosity. (Being a huge fan of the written word herself, mostly fairytales.)

- Moominpapa is also supportive of his eloquent grandchild (Splendid! Another writer in the family, eh?) but he’s a little more pushy and it takes a bit of chiding from moominmama to get him to stop saying “have you considered writing about Me??”

- Torben loves Snork. Snork.....hates Torben really. Well, its not that they hate him, its just that Snork has spent their entire life on this flying machine project and torben+flying broomstick= a mockery of it all. Not to mention Torben is annoying as fuck and spends way too much time pestering Snork about god knows what.

- Essi and Little My hunt bugs together. Lov the cronch

- Birch is afraid of thunderstorms. The whole family usually piles into his bed on thundery nights to make him feel safe.

- Once Torben is at an adequate stage of witching training, he’s allowed a familiar. Of all creatures, he chooses Essi, the closest thing to a black cat he has. She happily obliges and spends most of her late childhood, mid teens operating under this duty.

- Snufkin has composed a tune for each of his children that he plays when alone and thinking about them, or by their bedside and playing them to sleep. Torben’s tune is called ‘Bonfire in the Rain’ Birch’s is ‘Baring Shards of One’s Looking Glass’ and Essi’s is ‘She Who Stirs the Stars’

- To help with Birch’s collecting hobby, Torben enchants a little velveteen pouch an gifts it to him. It never overflows and Birch can fit the whole forest in there if he wishes. It’s very handy to carry around when Birch is vagabond. Extremely light luggage.

- Torben also gifts Essi with a locket encapsulated with the essence of a star. Just enough heat and light to illuminate her way and keep her warm at night. It’s her prized possession.

- Birch is ace and a he/him nonbinary. He’s not entirely sure if he’s aro as he feels pretty picky about close friends too. but romance has never appealed to him much.

- Essi is bi. She’s only briefly been involved with like 3 people before meeting the love of her life, Sislaf.

- Torben is as fluid as can be. He doesnt really have a way to describe his sexuality, he just knows that he loves and loves and loves a lot. He’s a bit like Mymble in the sense that he dates a lot and is always very naive and devoted right away, only to get himself hurt later. He’s quite sensitive about all that.

Futures

- Once the kids are grown, they do end up going their separate ways in life but remain close and visit eachother frequently. They keep in contact by letters. Birch is eternally pissed about his messy handwriting compared to Essi’s beautiful scrawl and Torben’s neat yet flashy one.

- Torben becomes the Moominvalley Witch, now that Alicia’s family have moved on to other places. He builds himself a small cottage on the outskirts so he can have time alone to think and brew. He’s still a walking distance from his parents home though. Flying distance if he’s feeling lazy.

- Birch’s travels become longer and in time and through word of mouth, the tale he tells become quite well known. He’s a famous storyteller now, whether he wants to be or not. Luckily, he’s begrudgingly embraced it (better than Snufkin did with his fame) and spends a lot of time in taverns, entertaining the regulars.

- Essi was the one who found it the hardest to grow up. Shes a family oriented person so she didnt want to be alone but she also dreamed of adventure and couldnt just drag her whole family along with her (especially her papas who were at the point where they just wanted to rest and settle down) But she found her calling. Criminal. Leader of a pack of criminals actually. Some were old friends from moominvalley, some she met along the way but Essi was lucky enough to find herself a group that became like a family to her. They traveled land and sea, doing all the righteous work and righting the injustices that Snufkin used to do. Only this time, its not just one little man. Its one little woman and her gang.

- The siblings meet up a lot, usually around a campfire where they share a pipe and laugh about nostalgia. Torben’s particularly good at animating the smoke into moving images, while Birch tells a story to accompany it and Essi claps along. And even when shes grown and tough, during moments like this Essi still feels the comforting warmth of being a baby sister

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rickktish · 5 years

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BNHA Headcanons

Yagi Toshinori | All Might is asexual. He has had romantic relationships before and did enjoy them, but he’s a complete virgin and satisfied to remain such. He’s not utterly sex-repulsed, but he is rather uncomfortable with the idea of it. He generally assumes that if he met the right person he would be okay experimenting, but none of his past romantic partners have been “the right person,” so it’s kind of more of an idea than a practice.

Aizawa be trans.

Yamada Hizashi | Present Mic grew up with deaf lesbian moms.

Aizawa is a little bit autistic, mostly in regard to sensory issues and social cues. He doesn’t really portray a lot of overt autistic behaviors outside of his home because he’s very good at masking.

Iida is also a little bit autistic, and possibly Tsuyu though not as much for her.

Todoroki has never been diagnosed as autistic in any way. This will probably not change any time soon. He was so isolated growing up that it’s impossible to tell what social queues he misses because of inexperience and what may have less environmentally determined reasons.

If Todoroki ever was diagnosed as being autistic, his father would deny it to his dying breath and bury the evidence deep. No proof will ever arise of any particular doctor’s visits in his childhood having ever taken place. At all.

Todoroki was not allowed in the same room as his siblings from the time he was six to when he started high school. When Fuyumi started cooking she was required to leave his food in the room before he finished training and leave before he arrived. His only interaction with people other than his father for most of his life has been what he can catch on tv and radio and listening and sometimes talking through the walls with his siblings. The only exception was when dressing wounds, but whoever was sent to clean him up after training wasn’t allowed to speak to him nor he to them.

Izuku has never knowingly met another quirkless person, but he did grow up hearing about quirkless suicides on the news. During his late elementary school years, he started trying to attend the funerals for those he heard about on the news whenever he could make it. Some of them had a good-sized gathering, but others were empty, lonely affairs with only one parent attending— two is rare in households with quirkless children— and sometimes not even that. It’s left deep scars and he remains terrified of being revealed to have been quirkless previously.

Midoriya never really gets much taller. Where All Might is this giant— 7 foot something and before he lost all his power an enormous slab of meat and almost nothing else— Midoriya is just this little stocky determinator who definitely never breaks 5’10”-- if he even hit 5’8” it must have been a miracle. He beef, of course, but he short beef, not tall beef.

Todoroki is taller (6’- 6’2” ish) but slimmer than Deku and can curl up very extremely small. Sometimes he has bad days and comes home and curls up into a ball on the couch and when Deku comes home he just picks him up like nothing and holds him in his lap even though his thighs might actually be longer than Midoriya’s torso. Todoroki inherited his mother’s slim build, which translates on him as scrawny, wiry muscle where Deku may be smol but he got BUILT. His arms can cover Todoroki like a blanket, which is exactly what Todoroki needs on bad days.

Deku does the same fairly often for Iida, who has several weighted blankets but they’re just not the same as a warm person who knows what is okay and how to ask and cares and is the best friend he’s ever had

He’ll also occasionally hold Uraraka this way, but mostly only when she’s drunk. She’s a very cuddly drunk.

Actually a lot of the class has found themselves randomly curled up in Deku’s lap at some point for one reason or another and it’s honestly one of the most comforting things. Kaminari had a bad breakup, Tsu got really sick for about a week, Sato had a mild breakdown after a series of really difficult family challenges that culminated in his grandma dying, Tokoyami and Dark Shadow got in a fight that Deku ended up helping to resolve where they took turns with one of them in his lap and the other behind the couch until he got them to talk through it, Aoyama went through a bit of a rough patch with his French parent involving his parents’ messy divorce, it’s kind of just become a thing. For some it’s a one-off, a one-time thing that they’re grateful for but never repeat, for others it’s a regular event when circumstances align, and even those who have never actually wound up curled up in a messy ball of suffering of one kind or another have found themselves draped across or leaning against Deku at one time or another during some kind of distress. He’s very tactile and very comforting. He’s just a magnificent bean who kind of accidentally became dorm parent at some point and then stayed group parent even long into their hero years.

Deku has a habit of randomly picking people up and carrying them. It startled a few of his friends at first, but they all adjusted rather quickly and now it goes without comment. Besides, Deku gives the best hugs (aside from Shoji, Literal Huggin Machine), and being carried by him is basically just an extension of that.

Anyone whose legs are too long for him to piggyback rides on his shoulders, upright, like a toddler. Sometimes he’ll have one person on each shoulder. Giggles abound, but for the most part, they just keep conversing like nothing has even happened.

Various members of class B have wandered past or walked in on conversations between Deku and any combination of people he’s carrying and people he’s not. None of them are quite sure what to make of it. It becomes such a casual part of Class A’s lives that none of them can figure out why Class B is staring.

Uraraka has a bunch of planet mobiles that she sometimes sends floating around her room. She calls it quirk training, but really, she just really likes space.

No one in their class realizes what a space nerd she is until they’re in a science class and start talking about space and she can name every single thing and answer random obscure questions.

The whole class goes stargazing at some point and Uraraka points out every single constellation in the damn sky and it’s a wonderful evening. Someone responds by buying her a shirt with an otter in a flying saucer, backed by faint stars, captioned “i’m off to otter space”

She and Tsu also have paired Tshirts that both have a starry sky, where one is captioned “I have no idea where I am” and the other has an arrow pointing at a single star and says “You are here.” They trade who wears which regularly and never wear one without the other.

She jsut has a lot of space stuff, okay? She really likes space that’s all im tryina say she just really fucking likes space.

She is of an undecided opinion on Aliens and hasn’t explored the idea a lot

Sero is the aliens guy. Uraraka can tell you about celestial movements and the history of the discovery of the stars and constellations from three different cultural beliefs. She can describe interplanetary motion and actually understands the mathematics behind light and space travel. Sero is the aliens junkie who can tell you about coverups and mysterious floating lights and things.

Sero and Kaminari are conspiracy theory nuts and as far as anyone else is concerned they deserve each other.

Even Deku can only listen to so many “the US planted chemicals in the Luminous Baby’s home town and then spread them all over the world when the mutation worked” spazz-outs before getting a little twitchy-eyed.

Deku’s response to things he likes in chats is “my skin is clear, my crops are watered, my father has returned” and all his classmates are Concerned.

Midoriya Inko and Bakugou Mitsuki went to the same middle and high school, but Inko is two or three years older, so they were only there together in her last year of each. Still, they hit it off well in middle school and it meant that they stayed friends while they were at different schools.

At some point while Katsuki is in middle/high school, he and his mom have a huge fight that ends with everyone in the house in tears. His mom decides at that point that she needs to go to therapy to figure out how to be a nicer person. It’s a work in progress— it will always be a work in progress, her therapist tells her, and that’s normal and that’s all right— but their relationship is slowly improving. It gets even better when Katsuki starts attending therapy himself and working through his own issues, both those that are a result of his mom’s behavior and those that are entirely his own. Coincidentally, his other relationships also begin to improve at that point.

Bakugou is trans.

Bakugou transferred into Deku’s preschool halfway through the year. Initially, he was attending another preschool, but problems arose with the teacher when Bakugou declared his gender. Before he arrived, Deku had a fair group of friends who he played with. They were all equals, but Deku was the central figure of the class, being friends with literally every one of the other friends groups within. When Bakugou arrived, he asserted dominance by turning Deku into the laughing stock of the class, and it continued through middle school that way. This is why he describes the method he does during the special training with the kids— that’s what worked for him.

Deku knew Bakugou before that, because their moms were friends. He calls him “Kacchan” because they’ve known each other literally since they were in diapers, when both their moms would refer to them as “Kacchan” and “Zu-chan” because they were both so damn tiny and cute and precious. Zu-chan just didn’t stick the way Kacchan did.

Both Present Mic and Bakugou have some level of hearing loss due to their quirks. Mic is fluent in sign language, as is Aizawa. Bakugou doesn’t talk about it.

Deku learned sign language when he found out Kacchan was losing his hearing. He only brought it up once. It did not go well. He stays on top of it though, practicing with Present Mic whenever he gets the chance, just in case he needs it someday.

Bakugou has reading glasses that he hides very carefully in his dorm and never wears to class in spite of it probably making his life easier if he would.

When Bakugou and Kirishima get married they do in fact decide to have biological children.

They all have dark brown/black hair, because genetics, but at least one or two are born with blond hair that darkens over time instead of just having straight black straight away.

The mommy/daddy question is a real one, Bakugou struggling with questions of his identity as he tries to decide what he wants his kids to call him. He ends up being mum-mum for a short while in the midst of it all (he chooses to breastfeed because it’s better for his kids, dammit, he’s not gonna have them developing hearing problems because of improperly shaped ear canals or anything else of the kind that he’s heard can happen, and when his oldest starts babbling Kirishima has been calling feeding “num-nums” for so long that the kid starts saying “mum-mum” every time he’s hungry and it just goes from there), but eventually by the time all his kids reach middle school they all call him dad or pops. Kirishima is Daddy or Papa all the way through though.

They have three kids, one girl and two boys. It goes boy-girl-boy. Their eldest has a mutation quirk that makes his skin highly resistant to high temperatures. Their daughter has a slight mutation that makes her hands very rough but also an emitter type where she sweats not nitroglycerin but something chemically similar. Their youngest can transform his head, neck, and shoulders to be hard and sneezes nitroglycerin.

Kirishima was sexually abused by a relative as a child and struggles deeply with his sense of self-worth and esteem as a direct result. Starting high school was when he decided to stop letting his fear and pain control his life, hence the hair dye and other changes he made to himself.

Shinsou gets migraines when he overuses his quirk that aren’t really painful but leave him in a weird confused state where everything is too loud and too bright and he can’t really follow words because they just sound like noise. He goes nonverbal, closes his dominant eye against the brightness, and tries to keep going as normal but usually gets caught and pulled gently into a dark, quiet room to recover. They go away after he sleeps.

Bakugou has the most fashion sense out of any of class 1-A.

Hagakure is NLP blind from birth, since she was born invisible and light cannot bounce off her retinas because they reflect no light. She can, however, perceive the reflection and refraction of light around her, which is a semblance of sight for her, except that she senses it with her whole body like heat, not through her eyes. This is part of why she chose to be in the nude for her costume, because she can sense light better when it’s not blocked by her clothes. Eventually she gets clothes that are made of her DNA like LeMillion has which are invisible like her, but she dislikes how it blocks her light perception.

She reads by holding her hands over the page and feeling where the light is reflecting and where it is not. It takes a lot of concentration. She can also read Braille, and that’s easier on her, but often far less available. She has accommodations for quiet rooms to read in and sometimes to take tests in, though she’s embarrassed about it and often doesn’t take advantage of it.

The Todoroki siblings are all very different people, who went through different kinds of trauma as a result of their awful home life and grew up with very different attitudes about many things.

This said, there is exactly one moment in each of their lives in which they all behaved in the exact same way, thinking the exact same words.

At some point in their early adulthood, each of them independently stood in line at a store and noted a small stuffed animal on display. None of them were allowed stuffed animals as children.

None of them were allowed any soft toys as children.

Independently, several years apart from each other as each of them reached their majority and began living alone and free of Endeavor, four hands reached out and picked up the stuffed animal. Four minds thought to themselves, fuck you, Endeavor; I can have this now. And four siblings, never knowing that their older or younger siblings had done or would do the exact same thing, began collections of stuffed animals which no one except their most trusted friends ever saw.

Natsuo showed his husband. Fuyumi showed her spouse. Shouto showed Izuku. None of them ever knew about each other’s collection.

(Touya showed Hawks. It was the beginning of the end for Endeavor.)

Himiko and Twice know about Touya’s stuffed animal collection. He’s never told them, they just know, for their own reasons. Both of them have randomly attached little stuffed animals on keychains to various parts of his body and outfit, ostensibly to mock him, but actually to help contribute to his collection.

Kurogiri also knows, because he is the only well-adjusted adult in this whole damn scene, damnit, and he’s basically already parenting these absolute CHILDREN anyway he might as well spoil them a little as well sometimes. He doesn’t actually tell Dabi he’s doing anything, but he’ll randomly teleport a toy or two into the space where he knows Dabi keeps his Pile. Dabi is occasionally confused when he finds a toy he doesn’t remember purchasing, but kind of just tries not to think about it and appreciates the fluffy.

Shigaraki has a single thimble he uses to keep from disintegrating things he wants to pick up. It’s just big enough to cover enough of one finger to disable his quirk, but is too small for him to get all fingers on at once. It’s also pink.

Shigaraki can neither read nor write, nor can he tell time from anything other than a digital clock set to twelve hour time, not twenty-four. AFO got him young and never bothered to teach him, only indoctrinated him and trained him in what he would need to know in order to one day rule the earth. Which did not include reading, writing, or telling time in more than the least complicated way. He’ll have minions to do those things for him, so best not to bother.

#bnha #mha #rick's originals #rick's rambles #rick's headcanons #my recent fic thing Recompense was initially tacked on the end of this #but then i decided that it was enough to be its own thing #also I know opinions on Endeavor vary wildly #so i didn't want one controversial character opinion stopping people from reblogging this if they like it #i do have another controversial character headcanon that i might post if people express interest #but it's about the only character hated more than endeavor #so...#and it's got stuff i'm afraid will offend people #but then #im pretty sure my opinion on endeavor offends people too #so maybe i should jsut post it anyway...#idk #we'll see how things go #if you're curious about my controversial headcanon shoot me an ask

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chittaphonsicecream · 6 years

Text

blackmail: a wonwoo hacker!au

synopsis: you’ve dumped your ex boyfriend and blocked him on everything, but you’re pretty sure he’s been logging into your social media accounts and stalking you. your best friend suggests that you go to the IT nerds at school and ask for some help in figuring out who’s watching you. you enlist jeon wonwoo’s help in stopping him and wreaking a little bit of havoc of your own. female reader x wonwoo ft kaistal bc I miss them

word count: 6.4k (the ending is kinda rushed bc i was lowkey sick of writing)

a/n: this takes place in an american college:) so basically… this is based on something that happened to me (the stalking part). wonwoo doesn’t get introduced for a while but when he does it’s worth it. it’s really angsty and slow but I hope you enjoy.

“Look, I think we’re better apart,” you said, staring your boyfriend directly in the eyes.

“I don’t agree,” he said. He grabbed your hand a little too forcefully. “You are the only one for me.”

“Jason…” you said. You took a deep sigh and looked at him. “I’ve been telling you for the past hour, we are over.”

“No, you can’t do this,” he said. “Yes, yes, I can,” you said. “You need to leave.”

“So the past nine months have been a lie?”

“No, the past nine months have been you manipulating me into thinking that I loved you and that you’re as good as it gets,” you deadpanned. “Jason, you need to leave. Now.”

“No!” he yelled. “There’s nobody like you, _____.”

“Yes, there is. I’m not special. Now get out before I call the police,” you threatened. “You’ve wasted nine months of my life, don’t waste another minute.”

“You need professional help, you know that, right?” questioned Jason. “You’re the most heartless, uncaring bitch I’ve ever met.”

“Hm, sucks for you,” you said. “Now get the fuck out of my apartment before Krystal comes home.”

“Fine, but we’re not done talking,” he said. “We’ll make it through this.”

“I really don’t think so,” you replied as you pushed him out of your apartment and slammed the door in his face.

Knowing what Jason could be like, you quickly locked your doors and waited in the farthest room in your apartment. He had been manipulating you for as long as you could remember, convincing you that you were happiest with him when really he was isolating you from the rest of your friends and family. You hadn’t even liked him; he just continually told you that he liked you until you caved in and consented to being his girlfriend. In reality, he was one of the worst people you knew.

Following the breakup, he relentlessly tried to contact you and become your friend. He even went as far as to send his older brother’s ex girlfriend, a good friend of yours, to tell you how much he missed you and how unhappy he was without you. She warned you heavily to stay away from him and his entire family.

After you blocked Jason and cut him off completely, you began to adjust back to your normal life. You were becoming happier, more outgoing, and more of who you used to be. Everyone in your life noticed the positivity.

Chatting over bowls of cereal, you and Krystal were sitting at your small kitchen table. You opened up your Snapchat to find yourself logged out, which could mean one of two things: either Snapchat was being its typical glitchy self or someone else had logged into your account. The only person who knew your password was Krystal.

“Hey, Krystal, did you log into my Snap?” you asked.

“No, why?” she replied.

“Nothing,” you mumbled. “It must be glitching or something.”

“Okay,” she said. “Hey, are you still friends with Jason’s cousin?”

“Which one?”

“The one that introduced the two of you.”

“Oh, Hailey. Yeah, but we’re not as close as we were when Jason and I were just friends. And then we kind of drifted when I dumped him and now we hardly see or talk to each other.”

“I didn’t care that much,” laughed Krystal. “I was just wondering why your Instagram profile pic has her in it now.”

“I didn’t change it,” you said.

“Yeah, you did.” Krystal held up her phone to your face to show a picture of you and Hailey, clearly happy. It was a photo taken during the camping trip where you and Jason became close.

“I don’t remember changing it.” You grabbed her phone and took a closer look. You had more followers than you remembered, too, and you were private. “Maybe I did it when I was falling asleep last night.”

“I think it’s pretty new,” she said, “and you do weird stuff when you’re tired, so I wouldn’t be surprised.”

“Yeah,” you mumbled in reply.

Over the next few months, small but strange things continued happening on your social media. Snapchats had been opened that you couldn’t recall seeing, follow requests that you never saw were accepted, direct messages were opened by someone other than you, posts you never saw were liked, stories you never viewed were watched, and random people were added to your Snapchat. Again, you didn’t think much of it.

After a few months of avoiding Hailey and discussing the breakup, you finally met up with her for lunch. She was desperate to catch up with you, especially after you had distanced yourself so severely from her. At one point she had been your best friend, but now the two of you were more like strangers.

The small restaurant was a nice little meeting place, and you arrived a few minutes early to make sure that your reservation was claimed. It was commonplace for Hailey to arrive rather late, from five minutes to forty-five minutes. After you ordered drinks for the both of you, she arrived.

“Sorry for being so late,” she apologized profusely.

“Hailey, you’re always late,” you laughed. “What’s up?”

“I just wanted to see how you’ve been holding up,” she offered. “You know, our whole family really believed that you and Jason would get married. We’d never seen him like the way he was with you.”

“The way he was with me was constantly manipulating me and making my life toxic,” you spat. “Hailey, I didn’t come here so you could talk me into getting back together with Jason.”

“I’m sorry,” she said, “but I thought it was worth a shot.”

“A shot that’ll ruin our friendship permanently. He’s an awful person. I don’t hate people, but I hate him,” you deadpanned. “Can we talk about literally anything else?”

“Alexa had her second kid,” Hailey offered, “and Nick is finally engaged to Alondra.”

Hailey went on a tangent about her older siblings and their success before circling back around to what she really wanted to talk about.

“And I’m dating someone, too,” she said quietly. “I didn’t want to mention anything since your past relationship was so bad.”

You laughed. “I’m not that terrible of a person. I can be happy for someone else, you know?”

“Okay,” smiled Hailey. “He’s going to Cozumel with my family and me next week. The whole crew is going, Alexa and her family, Nick and his fiance, and Jason’s family. Jason’s sister Madison is already pregnant and they wanted to get in a trip before the baby’s born.”

“They’ve been married for six months!” you exclaimed. “I was Jason’s date to the wedding. That’s…”

“An accident?” offered Hailey. “I think so, but she and Chad deny it.”

“Whatever makes them feel better,” you said.

“Yeah.” She took a sip of her drink. “Do you think I’m being too forward by bringing my boyfriend on a family trip? It’s only been a few months.”

“At least you’ll know soon whether this relationship is going to work.” It was meant to be a joke, but Hailey took it seriously. The conversation was becoming uncomfortable, forced with the continuous mention of Jason, so finally you excused yourself, left a twenty dollar bill on the table, and headed home.

The next week, strange things continued to happen on your social media. Knowing you, you continued to ignore it and think nothing of it. Finally, as you opened up your Instagram, you got a strange notification.

We detected an unusual login attempt. iOS | Jun 27, 6:10 AM | Cozumel, Mexico

Your heartbeat soared as you realized what this could mean. Tears welled up in your eyes as you quickly texted Hailey.

hey, are you in cozumel?

yeah, we landed a little before 6 this morning. why?

nothing. jason flew with you?

yes what’s wrong

nothing don’t worry

You ran to the bathroom where Krystal was getting ready for the day and started banging on the door. “Krystal!” you shouted. “Krystal, open the door!” You were crying and sat on the floor of the hallway until Krystal opened the door.

“What happened?” she asked.

“Jason has been logging into my accounts all this time. You know that weird stuff that was constantly happening on my accounts? It was him.”

“How?”

“I don’t know… All of my passwords are pretty difficult.”

“Okay, well, let’s start with changing your passwords.” Krystal paused for a second, and then spoke again. “How do you know it’s him?”

“Who else would be stalking my accounts? I’m not interesting. I blocked him on everything, and then this morning I get a notification that someone in Cozumel has been logging into my account. And you know who flew into Cozumel this morning? Jason.”

“Text him,” Krystal said. “See if he’ll say he’s been logging into your accounts.”

jason

wow didn’t expect to hear from you anytime soon

yeah ik

u feeling lonely i guess? ;)

aw babe

don’t aw babe me why have you been logging into my social media

I havent??

yes you fucking have leave me the fuck alone

no i havent

I got a notification saying someone in cozumel has been logging into my accounts and ik weird shit has been going down in my account this is illegal

theres lots of people in cozumel what if it wasnt me

im going to the police

you have no proof that its me

ill find a way to get proof leave me tf alone stay out of my accounts

Krystal snatched your phone from your hands. “I don’t really think we can do anything if he denies it,” she sighed. Her eyes lit up. “I know some kids in the IT department of school. I bet they’d help.” She pulled you up from off the floor. “Get ready, let’s go talk to them.”

You dressed quickly because the sooner you met with the IT kids, the sooner you could figure out who had truly been stalking you. As soon as you were ready, you grabbed Krystal’s arm and started jogging towards the campus. She had dressed well, like always, but you were comfortable and ready to run.

After a few minutes of running, you finally arrived at the university’s tech department. Krystal was friends with most everybody, so she showed you where the IT kids could be found. She knocked quietly on the door after you had ran up the stairs to the entrance.

“Come in,” someone called from the other side.

“Hey, guys,” Krystal said as she opened up the door. “I need a favor.”

“What is it?” one of the boys asked. There was only one girl, and she was quietly working away at her computer, headphones in ears.

“_____, tell them what’s been happening,” she said as she pushed you towards them.

You began your long tale of your toxic relationship, the messy breakup, the strange social media occurrences, and finally, that morning’s notification.

“I’d recommend talking to Wonwoo, the boy over there,” said the boy that Krystal knew. “He’s good with that stuff. Doesn’t get caught, either.”

“Okay, thank you,” you said. You walked over to the tall, dark haired boy with glasses. “Hi,” you said softly. “I need you to do me a favor. I’ll literally do anything for it.” You paused. “Well, not anything.”

“What is it?”

“I need you to find out who has been logging into my Instagram accounts. You’re a hacker, right?” you asked.

“Yeah,” he said, “but I’m more of a vigilante hacker. I don’t just hack to hack.”

“Well, I think you’ll be intrigued by what I’m going to tell you,” you replied hopefully. You began your spiel once more, and by the end, Wonwoo had his chin in his hands and was staring at you intently.

“It’ll take me maybe ten minutes to figure out if he’s been logging into your account, but from the looks of it, he definitely has,” Wonwoo said. “But this isn’t my style. My style is more messing with people who did bad things on the internet.”

“Okay, but will you see if it’s even him? I think it is but can you make sure anyway?” you asked.

“Yeah, give me a few.” Wonwoo turned to his computer and left you alone

“Hey, _____,” Krystal called from across the room. “I’m heading home. I don’t want to be here too long. Are you okay on your own?”

“I’m fine,” you replied as you took a seat next to Wonwoo and watched him type rapidly. “You don’t mind if I stay with you, do you?”

“No, I really don’t.” Wonwoo didn’t even look up from his computer as he kept typing. After a few minutes, he came up empty handed. He looked at you confusedly. “His phone is heavily protected. I don’t know what kind of software this person has installed, but I can’t access it. All I can access is the Apple ID of the person that owns the phone, and it’s a bunch of random numbers and letters. I can try hacking into that, but I don’t think it’s going to lead anywhere.”

“What do you mean?” you asked.

“I mean your ex-boyfriend is either incredibly clever or he has someone else doing the dirty work for him,” Wonwoo said.

“He’s really smart. Tech savvy.”

“Then he knows what he’s doing.” Wonwoo looked back at the screen and then to you. “I think I can figure out if it’s him, but it’ll take a solid half hour. I have to hack into the account and then see all of the phones and devices the accounts have been linked to and see if any of them belong to him. You should go get food or something while I do this; it might be a while.”

“Okay,” you said. “I’ll bring something back for you. What do you want?”

“How about burgers?” he asked.

“I’ll be back soon. You have my number now, so text me what you want,” you said with a smile. Wonwoo nodded before pulling out his phone and sending you his order.

After about fifteen minutes, you were back with burgers. Wonwoo was spinning around in his chair and smiled at you. “It’s him. That Jason guy, it’s him.”

“I’m not surprised.”

“I know you want to go to the police, but I want to have a little fun,” Wonwoo said. “This is my speciality of sorts.”

“But what if you get caught?” you asked.

“I won’t.” He took his burger from you. “Consider this payment for my deeds,” he said with a wink.

“I don’t know if I want you to mess with him. He’s a little psycho.”

“He’s not just a little psycho, he’s a lot psycho.” Wonwoo smiled at you softly. “Look, ____, if you don’t want me to, I won’t. But I think you want this guy to get a taste of his own medicine.”

“Of course I do,” you said. “But what could we possibly do to him?”

“I have some ideas, but you’ll have to consent. And they can be pretty shady, but I promise you, we won’t get caught,” Wonwoo said.

“What are your ideas?” you asked.

“If you give me your phone, I can retrieve every conversation the two of you have ever had. The embarrassing, the sweet, the manipulative, everything. Blackmail him with his own nudes? Done. Blackmail him with the embarrassing, loving, manipulative things he told you? Done. He won’t mess with you ever again, not as long as you’ve got this on your side.”

You stared at him. His proposal was intriguing to say the least. You knew Krystal would approve, but you also knew that he would access a lot of vulnerable things about you. You had some rather revealing photos in there, and while that did bother you, it didn’t bother you as much as the awkward and embarrassing photos you sent or the things you had confided in Jason. But you knew that he may never stop unless you made him stop, and you’d rather it be in your hands than in the authority’s hands. You looked at him, bit your lip, and then agreed.

“You promise you won’t judge me?” you asked.

“I promise,” replied Wonwoo softly. He gave your hand a gentle squeeze to reassure you. “You’re a good person. I can tell by just how you are. Texts between some manipulator and you aren’t going to make me change my mind.”

“Okay.” You handed him the phone. “But can you walk me home and then take my phone? I don’t want to be without my phone in the city.”

“Sure,” he said. He began packing up his things and then wrapped an arm around you. “It’s going to be fine. I’m good at what I do, and I don’t care about what you said. I only care about what he said.” He squeezed your shoulder gently. “It’s going to be okay. I’m not him.”

“You don’t need to tell me that,” you laughed as you detached yourself from him. “I know you’re not him.”

“Okay, good.” The two of you began the short walk from the university, through a bit of town, to your apartment. Once you neared your apartment, you reluctantly placed your phone in his palm.

“When will you be back?” you asked. “I kinda need my phone back.”

“I’ll come by tomorrow, how about that?”

“Okay.”

“We can go through what you think would affect him most tomorrow. I’ll just download it all to my laptop. Since you won’t have your phone, just expect me to come over sometime between noon and one, okay? I have some actually IT work to do tomorrow morning but I’ll just have it download while I sleep tonight.”

“Alright,” you said softly. “Thanks for doing this for me.”

“I’m an internet vigilante. It’s what I do,” responded Wonwoo with a wink. “See you around, ______.”

He watched as you entered your apartment building and stayed until he saw that you were safely inside. Once you were back inside your apartment, Krystal jumped to ask questions.

“What’d they find out?” she asked.

“He’s been stalking me,” you said shakily.

“Well, are you going to report it to the police or what?” she asked, playing with her fingers.

“Actually… about that,” you began, “I’m not going to the police.”

“Are you stupid?”

“Well, Wonwoo-”

“Wonwoo, huh?”

“It’s not like that. I literally just met him.”

“Oh, really? Then why’d he walk you home? And stay until he knew you were in the building?”

“Shut up,” you replied quickly. “We’re going to give Jason a taste of his own medicine. Wonwoo’s keeping my phone for the night to download everything I had regarding Jason and to retrieve all of the old messages and stuff and then he’s gonna… well… blackmail him, I guess.”

“No way,” laughed Krystal. “You’re blackmailing the psycho? I didn’t realize you were that ballsy.”

“It wasn’t my idea,” you clarified. “Wonwoo says he’s like some internet vigilante or something and it’s similar to stuff he always does.”

“Wait, so he walked you home because?”

“He needed to take my phone but I didn’t want to go home without it. And I think he’s honestly a little afraid for me.”

“He’s nice. Kinda quiet but nice.”

“Quiet?”

“Yeah. He’s said maybe ten words total to me.”

“We spoke a lot.”

“Maybe he likes you better than me.”

“Maybe.”

“Well,” Krystal said while lightly punching your arm, “aren’t you afraid of what Wonwoo is going to find on your phone?”

“It doesn’t matter to me,” you responded. “All that matters is that Jason leaves me alone. And I don’t think he’ll care much anyway. He knows what he’s seen when he’s being a vigilante or whatever.”

“Yeah, sure,” Krystal said sarcastically. “Whatever. You know what I think you should do? Get drunk.”

“I’m not going to get drunk,” you laughed. “I think I’m just going to sleep until tomorrow morning. I don’t want to think about this.”

“It’s only noon.”

“I don’t care. I don’t want to deal with this.”

“You don’t want to deal with this stalker drama or you don’t want to deal with knowing Wonwoo will go through everything on your phone?” suggested Krystal.

“Shut up,” you said. “For real, I’m going to sleep.”

You headed to your room and decided to sleep for the rest of the day. You finally woke up around two am after hours upon hours of sleep. Krystal was still awake, and she had her boyfriend Kai over. They were talking on the couch when you came out.

“Hey, guys,” you said with a small smile. “I didn’t know you were going to be over, Kai.”

“Krystal was just telling me the rundown on your stalker,” explained Kai.

“Oh,” you mumbled. “Yeah.”

“Jason will get what’s coming to him. If not now, when he’s thirty-five and his future wife leaves him,” he laughed.

“Kai, that’s rude,” Krystal said.

“Okay and?”

Krystal moved a little closer to Kai and smiled. It made you miss the days of having a boyfriend, but you knew that missing Jason was detrimental to yourself.

“So are you really having some hacker kid go through all the stuff on your phone just to blackmail Jason? Someone you don’t know?”

“At this point, nothing is really worse than knowing Jason wasn’t leaving me alone, so yeah, I am,” you replied. “He’s gonna be over around noon, by the way.”

“I’m gonna be out,” Krystal said.

“Where?”

“I don’t know. Kai, can I come over to yours?”

“Sure, babe.”

“You just did that so Wonwoo and I would be alone!”

“Also so I won’t have to see Jason’s nudes. I know that Wonwoo will be able to dig some up.”

“Fine.”

“Well, it’s two in the morning and I’ve got to be up at six, so I’ll see you tomorrow,” Krystal said. “C’mon, Kai, we’re going to bed.”

You watched Kai and Krystal leave the room and decided to clean the small apartment. By the time you were finished, the sun was starting to rise and Krystal would be waking up soon to head to the gym for her early morning workouts. Once Krystal was awake, she made some food for the both of you.

“Hey, it’s going to be okay,” she reassured you. “Jason will get whatever’s coming. Don’t worry about it. And you should probably catch a few hours of sleep before Wonwoo comes over, too.”

“Okay,” you agreed. “I’ll go to sleep in a few.”

A few hours later, you were awoken with the sound of Kai attempting to make Krystal a proper breakfast. It was nine in the morning, and you rolled back over only to be bombarded by the pair running into your room with sad looking pancakes.

“Cheer up!” Krystal said. “Just because you have a psycho manipulative stalker ex-boyfriend doesn’t mean you get to act like the world is ending!”

“I think it does mean I get to act like the world is ending,” you replied.

“I tried really hard to make these,” Kai said, shoving the plate in your face. “Come out to the kitchen and eat them, please.”

“Fine,” you grumbled. You got up and followed Kai to the kitchen table. His pancakes weren’t too bad, but they definitely not good. Once you took a bite and gave them a thumbs up, Kai backed off.

“I’ve got to get to work,” he said. “See ya later, guys. I left my keys to my apartment on your nightstand if you still want to go over there when Wonwoo’s here.”

Krystal nodded and smiled at him before leaning over to give him a peck on the cheek. “Okay, be safe.”

The next few hours passed rather quickly, with Krystal running around doing random things and you eating more food than you probably should. Before you knew it, Krystal had left to Kai’s and you were alone, waiting for Wonwoo’s arrival.

Just before noon, there was a knock at the door. You opened it quickly, and there was your expected guest. He had takeout in one hand and your phone in the other.

“I hope you don’t mind,” he said shyly. “I thought it would be good to have lunch since…”

“Oh, thank you!” you replied, taking it from him. You grabbed chopsticks and you both settled down on the couch. There was a gap between the two of you and an awkward silence filled the room. Finally, Wonwoo cleared his throat.

“You know, I don’t think much different of you,” he said quietly. “Except that you’re maybe kinda dumb.”

“I’m dumb?” you questioned.

“Yeah, you’re dumb.” He chuckled softly to himself.

“Why?”

“Because you had barely started texting this guy and you told him everything about yourself. And I mean everything. I think I know you better than I know my brother, now.”

“I don’t know why I did it. I guess he made me feel important.” You sighed and bit your lip before looking up at Wonwoo. “We can see how well that turned out.”

“It’ll be fine. We’ll get him back,” Wonwoo reassured you.

“I honestly thought it was love at first sight. Or something of the sort. I just saw him and knew ‘you’re going to be important in my life.’”

“I don’t believe in love at first sight.”

“Really?” you asked.

“I think you’ve got to know them really well before you can love them,” he said. “Anyway, let’s choose what we want to get started with.”

He pulled out his laptop and opened it up to reveal a file containing every interaction you had with Jason on your phone. “Do you want to start small or start big?”

“Start big,” you said.

“Let’s start with the nudes, then,” he said. “Here’s my idea, but if you don’t like it, we won’t do it.” You nodded in response. “Okay. I have a program on here that creates a protected fake phone number. Almost like a prepaid that you can’t pinpoint. But there actually is no number that exists. It’ll just show up as unknown. I’ll begin sending him pictures he sent you or tell him his own secrets. Just to mess with his mind a little bit, and after that, we’ll tell him to stay away from girls or we’ll leak it all on the internet.”

“Will you really?”

“No, of course not. I’m not that terrible of a person.”

“Okay,” you acquiesced. “But if it gets shady at any moment, we’re stopping the whole thing.”

“Not to be rude, but it’s already shady.”

“Fine. If it get shadier.”

He nodded and began typing rapidly on his computer until he was at the program that allowed for him to send the messages. He went into the file where he had stored everything from your phone and began clicking until he got to the bad stuff: the pictures.

“Hey, Wonwoo, I have a question,” you said softly. He nodded in reply. “Did you by any chance… see any of me?”

Wonwoo began coughing and refused to make eye contact with you. His cheeks were becoming rosy, and he looked at you. “Yeah. But don’t worry about it. I’m not like that, I swear. I’ve never even had a girlfriend.”

It was your turn to be uncomfortable. “You’ve never had a girlfriend? How old are you?”

“I’m almost twenty-two…”

“Why not? You seem completely normal. If a psycho like Jason could get a girlfriend, you easily could.”

“But a psycho like your ex also goes out and talks to people. This… this is my life. I don’t talk to people unless it’s over the computer. How am I supposed to meet someone?”

“Haven’t you ever heard of online dating?”

“God, I’m not that pathetic.”

The computer pinged, and you both turned to look at it. Jason had replied.

who is this

IT DOESN’T MATTER. YOU’LL NEVER FIND ME ANYWAY

who tf is this i swear to god i will find you and beat your ass

YOU MIGHT BE SMART BUT I AM SMARTER.

how did you get that picture of my dick

I HAVE MORE

who is giving this to you

NO ONE OF ANY IMPORTANCE. STAY AWAY FROM ________ OR I’LL LEAK THEM

nice try

Wonwoo looked at you expectantly. “What do you want to do?”

“Keep it up. Send in more.”

image: sent

wtf

I HAVE MORE

leave me alone

NOT UNTIL YOU LEAVE _______ ALONE

who are you you’re not her she’s above this

IT ISN’T RELEVANT

ok fine but ur fucking weird

LEAVE ________ ALONE

nah bro. I gotta have fun in mexico with my fam but this conversation isnt over be back in two hours

“Now all we can do is wait,” he said.

“I don’t know why he’s so dumb. If someone was blackmailing me, I’d just stop whatever I was doing.”

“Not to be rude, but apparently you don’t have good taste in intelligent men. Or in men in general.”

“You’re kinda rude, you know that?”

“I’m more socially awkward than rude. It’s usually pretty hard for me to talk to someone like we are now.”

“Aren’t I special?”

“Yeah, actually, you kinda are.”

“Aw, you say I have shit taste in men and then tell me I’m special. My heart is melting,” you deadpanned.

“It’s true. This guy doesn’t have common sense, sends shitty dick pics, treats you like shit, and did I mention that he’s also not that much of a looker?”

“You think I don’t know that he’s a terrible, ugly, dumb person?”

“I think you’re way out of his league.”

“Oh,” you said quietly. You felt your face flush but refused to look at him. “Can we talk about anything else? You know basically everything about me; it’s my turn to know everything about you.”

In most cases, Wonwoo would’ve objected completely. This wasn’t comfortable for him, it wasn’t fun, either. But when it came to you, he was okay with it. You were open about yourself with him, so he didn’t see any reason not to be open with you. Besides, he’d practically seen you naked at this point, so he knew you couldn’t judge him.

The conversation flowed easily, the both of you talking about your family, your lives before college, the college experience, your friends, your interests, the things that made you happy, the things that made you cry. With every sentence exchanged, you felt a stronger connection to Wonwoo. This time when you felt that he was going to be important in your life, you knew that it wasn’t your brain being dumb and desperate. It was honest, and it was real.

Before the either of you realized it, the two hours were up and Jason had replied. Again, it was something stupid.

I’m not fucking dumb. I know how to hack too. I swear on my life that i will find out whoever you are. you can’t hide from me

This time Wonwoo looked genuinely concerned. He turned to you and asked, “Do you think he actually is good enough to find me?”

“Why are you asking me!” you exclaimed. “You told me we wouldn’t be caught. I swear to god, Wonwoo, if we get caught, I’m going to beat you up.”

“I know, but he seems smart enough technologically. And if he knows people…”

“The only people he knows that are into IT are the people at this school. And anybody that could help him already knows how insane he is, so I think we’re going to be fine.”

“Okay,” he said as he processed what to do next. “Also, for the record, I don’t think you could beat me up.”

“You’re a literal string bean. I probably weigh way more than you. Just because you’re tall doesn’t mean you can’t get your ass whooped.”

Wonwoo laughed. “I’m starting to really like you,” he blurted. His eyes widened as you looked up at him. “As a friend, of course.”

“Of course.” You took the laptop from hi shands and began typing a message to Jason yourself in an attempt to ease the awkwardness of the situation.

I DON’T THINK YOU’LL BE ABLE TO FIND ME, BUT YOU CAN TRY. DON’T FORGET, I HAVE MORE. I CAN AND WILL USE IT AGAINST YOU IF YOU DON’T TURN YOURSELF IN FOR MANIPULATING, ABUSING, AND STALKING _______.

“Is that really going to work?” asked Wonwoo.

“Of course not,” you laughed. “He’s got his head up his ass. But it will let him know that we’re serious, and when people make it repeatedly obvious that something really bothers them, he stops. But it takes a long time. I don’t know how long you’ll have to do it.”

“He’s such a jerk. I can’t believe you dated him.”

“I didn’t just date him. I told the boy I loved him. Even worse, I slept with him!”

“Spare me the details,” laughed Wonwoo. “What do you want to do now?”

“I think that we’ll just have to top for now. But if I were you, I’d send him one embarrassing secret or picture a day. Don’t say anything, just send it so he knows that it’s you. And then we can meet up sometime soon and actually talk and mess with him.”

“Okay,” he said. “That’ll work. I’ll text you whatever I send.”

“Please don’t,” you said. “I never want to see his nudes ever again. Or his face. Or a drunken video of him professing his love to me.”

“Okay then. I’ll text you when I send him something.”

“Much better.”

“Well, I should get going now,” Wonwoo said quietly. “I’ll see you around.”

“Thanks for this,” you said, “and the takeout.”

“My pleasure.”

As Wonwoo left the apartment, you began to wonder what this all meant. He couldn’t like you, could he? He didn’t believe in loving right away, but did that spread to liking? You waited until Krystal got home to discuss it. She was far better versed in this area and would be able to give you good advice. Krystal texted you around six saying that she was finally leaving Kai’s since Taemin would be back from vacation and that she was heading home. You were waiting for her in the living room, and the moment she walked through the door, you began blurting out everything that happened.

“Oh my god, does Jeon Wonwoo have a crush on the ______ ______?” asked Krystal.

“I don’t know, that’s why I’m asking you!” you replied.

“I think he does!” Krystal said. “Actually, I know he does. Keep up the good work, tiger.” She winked at you and walked away.

“Wait!” you called out. “What do I do?”

“I don’t know,” she replied. “Wonwoo’s… he’s quiet, shy. You’re going to have to take this slow.”

“Okay,” you said. “I think I am more than capable of doing that.”

The weeks went by of blink-and-you-miss-it flirting over text messages with Wonwoo. The texts were pretty mundane, but you had found yourself loving every time your phone pinged with a notification from Wonwoo. You met up once a week to message Jason together, and each time something would happen. The brush of fingertips, an arm around a shoulder, a shared laugh, thighs touching while you sat. Nothing about what the two of you had was platonic.

After a few days, Wonwoo asked you two to meet up again. This time, it was at his apartment rather than yours. Krystal and Kai were throwing a small party, and Wonwoo didn’t want to be there, so you obliged to meeting with him at his home.

Wonwoo’s apartment was vintage, beige, and filled with things you never would’ve imagined it to be. There were books everywhere, a record player, and a leather sofa that looked straight out of a fifties movie.

“So you know we’re pretty close to cracking him,” Wonwoo said. “I mean, did you see those last messages? He sounded like he was going to have an emotional breakdown.”

“Yeah,” you muttered.

“Did I do something wrong?” asked Wonwoo, noticing the hesitation in your voice and attitude.

“No, no,” you said. “I just wonder if I did.”

“What do you mean?”

“Am I any better than him by blackmailing him?”

Wonwoo was at a loss for words. He looked at you, and then back at the ground. “I honestly don’t know” was his response. He took your hands in his and gave them a gentle squeeze. “Maybe what we did was wrong, but he also did something wrong.”

“Two wrongs don’t make a right, Wonwoo,” you replied. “I feel like a terrible person. I know I hate Jason, but I also know I’m better than this.”

“Well, we can stop,” he said. “We’ll stop right now.”

Wonwoo pulled out his laptop and opened the program he had been using to communicate with Jason.

I’VE DECIDED TO LET YOU BE. WHAT I AM DOING TO YOU IS JUST AS BAD AS WHAT YOU DID TO ______.

nah its worse fuck u tho

GOODBYE

ya know idk u but u got balls. ______ is lucky to have u ik im psycho when it comes to her but i want her to have the best. I mean the best is me but u seem pretty good too

GOODBYE

You looked up shyly at Wonwoo. “So he thinks you’re my boyfriend, huh?”

“I mean, I’ve been at it for weeks. Almost two months, even,” he said.

“Wonwoo,” you said, getting up. “I think I should go.”

“Why?”

“Well, we did what we meant to do. Blackmail Jason, and now it’s over, so I should go.”

Wonwoo stood up with you. “Okay.” He walked you to the door and watched you put on your shoes before he did the unthinkable. He grabbed you by the arm, pulled you up to him, and placed his mouth on yours. It’s sweet, but it’s short lived because Wonwoo immediately pulled away to look at you.

“I’m sorry,” he mumbled. Instead, you just laugh, and you pull him down to you. Suddenly, your arms are around his neck and his hands are in your hair and you are feeling everything and nothing at the same time. And then you’re laughing, and he’s laughing, and you pull away to catch your breath.

“Wow,” he said. “That’s…”

“That’s what?”

“Wow.”

“Yeah,” you muttered, pulling him in for a hug. He buried his face in your hair and then lifted your chin up for one more kiss.

“Are you sure you want to go?” he asked.

“I’m sure I want to stay.”

#wonwoo #seventeen #imagines #fic #fanfic #scenario #au #hacker #kpop #svt #jeon wonwoo

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tomfooleryprime · 7 years

Text

Was Spock the first human/Vulcan hybrid?

First contact between humans and Vulcans occurred in 2063. Spock was born in 2230. If you listen to some Star Trek fans, that means 167 years passed before both our species decided to bear some sex fruit. Let’s be real though, 167 years is a long time for two civilizations to interact with each other without at least someone from one group deciding to bone someone from the other group, particularly when you consider the populations of both civilizations numbers in the billions.

We might say, “Maybe interspecies sex was just too big of a taboo! Maybe it took that long for barriers to finally start coming down.” Yeah, maybe. Or maybe it’s like Hagrid once said of Dobby the house elf: “Yeh get weirdos in every breed.” Even if 9,999,999,999 humans thought the idea of having sex with an alien was weird or unnatural, there would always be at least one exceptionally progressive person who could see beyond everyone else’s prejudices and pre-conceived notions, and I’m certain the same is true for Vulcans. I would almost be willing to bet that at least one of the first Vulcans who rolled off the T’Plana-Hath on that April morning in 2063 in Bozeman, Montana saw one of the locals and thought, “That human is aesthetically pleasing.” And all it takes is a spark, right? Besides, who wouldn’t want to hear a Vulcan pickup line?

And all the panties fell off as if by magic.

Moreover, in 1957, 106 years before official First Contact between humans and Vulcans, a small Vulcan survey ship crash-landed near Carbon Creek, Pennsylvania. There were only three survivors, and of those three, one of them just couldn’t stop himself from falling for the single mom who ran the local bar. Granted, Maggie didn’t know Mestral was Vulcan, but he definitely knew she was human, and a trivial thing like species didn’t seem to matter to him.

Smitten personified.

But wait, just because a few amorous, adventurous, or convention-hating humans and Vulcans might be willing to stand up and proudly (or maybe more discreetly) proclaim, “Love is love, fuck the haters” and get naked with each other, that doesn’t mean they were making babies because after all, humans and Vulcans are genetically incompatible and it would take a feat of medical engineering to swap gametes, right?

Argue if you want, but human/Vulcan sexy time dates back to at least 2153.

People who believe Spock must have been the first hybrid usually stake this claim on one or more of four arguments:

1. Humans and Vulcans didn’t shack up routinely enough 2. The science of making a hybrid baby didn’t exist until Spock came along 3. Gene Roddenberry said so 4. Spock clearly felt isolated as a child, but he wouldn’t have if there were more hybrids like him

I’ve already poked enough holes in the first claim. Maybe there weren’t a ton of interspecies couples, but I feel confident in saying there were at least some and some is all we need. And once people decide they like each other enough to form relationships, it’s usually not long before at least some of them start thinking, “You know what would make this better? A smaller version of us!”

As for the science behind making a hybrid baby, it existed in the mid 22nd century. Spock wasn’t the first. That’s a fact. Elizabeth, the hybrid child of Charles “Trip” Tucker and T’Pol, existed in 2154.

Pointy ears and pinchable cheeks.

Elizabeth sadly died as a result of the improper cloning techniques used to conceive her, so there are many who would take the statement of “Spock was the first human/Vulcan hybrid” and simply add the caveat of “to survive.” Perhaps. But in the Star Trek: Enterprise episode “Terra Prime,” Trip says:

I spoke with Phlox. It turns out there was a flaw in the technique that Paxton’s doctors used in the cloning process. Human DNA and Vulcan DNA, Phlox says there’s no medical reason why they can’t combine. So if a Vulcan and a human ever decided to have a child, it’s probably be ok. And that’s sort of comforting.

So a Denobulan doctor knew a way to make hybrids a full 75 years before Spock was conceived. Maybe the technology was untested and required some refining, but by even a modern a technological timeline, 75 years is an eternity.

There’s an interview between Gene Roddenberry and Mark Lenard which claims Spock was the first, and so a lot of people might be happy to believe whatever Roddenberry said was the gospel. In the interview, Roddenberry is interviewing Mark Lenard as Ambassador Sarek, asking him questions about humanity and his life when the subject of Spock comes up.

Mark Lenard: Spock’s mother Amanda is an extraordinary woman. Gene Roddenberry: And Spock was the result? The first human/Vulcan mixture? Mark Lenard: No, not the first, but the first to survive. As you must know, an Earth/Vulcan conception will abort during the end of the first month; the fetus is unable to continue life once it begins to develop its primary organs. The fetus Spock was removed from Amanda’s body at this time: the first such experiment ever attempted. His tiny form resided in a test tube for the following two Earth months while our physicians performed delicate chemical engineering, introducing over a 100 subtle changes we hoped would sustain life. At the end of this time, the fetus was returned to Amanda’s womb. At the ninth Earth month, the tiny form was again removed from Amanda, prematurely by Vulcan standards, and spent the following four months of Vulcan term pregnancy in a specially designed incubator. The infant Spock proved surprisingly resilient. There seemed to be something about the Earth/Vulcan mixture which created in that tiny body the fierce determination to survive.

So for some fans, maybe that counts as proof. But Gene Roddenberry had a lot of conceptual ideas about his beloved Star Trek that conflict with actual canon and modern science. For a prime example, just look at the treatment of star dates. So maybe it’s me, but I don’t think something is canon just because Roddenberry said it in an interview once. Furthermore, if we take that interview as canon, how do we explain this scene from The Final Frontier where Spock is delivered from Amanda (not a “specially designed incubator”) and presented to Sarek?

Then Sarek went and uttered one of the most dick lines in Trek history.

Lastly, there’s the isolation that Spock feels. How can we explain how lonely he is if it’s not because he’s the only hybrid? Quite easily, actually. Every single person in existence has felt misunderstood and alone at times. As children, our worlds are very small and our social circles consist of our immediate families, school mates, and our parents’ associates. That’s pretty much it. When we aren’t exposed to people like us, it’s very easy to imagine Rocket Raccoon might have been onto something when he said, “Ain’t no thing like me, except me!”

But that’s very rarely literally true, as every kid who’s ever been the only minority at their school or any teen who’s ever been the only gay person in their tiny conservative town will tell you. As we get older and achieve the freedom to strike out and meet people on our own terms, we often learn we weren’t quite as unique as we thought and there are whole groups of people out there who are black or gay or disabled or whatever it was that left us feeling so alone in our formative years. I think that’s why Spock’s character resonated so much with viewers – he was a symbol for all the misfits out there who knew just how much it sucks trying to fit into the fabric of a society that seems so different than they are.

Proof that regardless of species, kids can be fucking awful.

Vulcan was a big planet. By the time Nero destroyed it in Star Trek: 2009, it had more than 6 billion inhabitants. Even if there were only 100 human/Vulcan hybrids by that point in time, the odds of an average Vulcan encountering one would still be incredibly small. It’s entirely possible Spock may have felt like he was the only hybrid because he might have been the only one in his community, but the universe is a big place with plenty of room for other human/Vulcan hybrids he and those vicious bullies never met.

Spock was clearly pretty special. Even people who hate Star Trek and know almost nothing about it know who Spock was and recognize the Vulcan salute Leonard Nimoy made famous in his portrayal of the character. But just because Spock’s human ancestry made him unusual doesn’t necessarily mean his conception was some completely novel, groundbreaking, pioneering leap for interspecies relationships either.

I can’t say I know many Vulcans, but I think I have a pretty firm grasp on humanity. Despite homosexual, interracial, and interfaith relationships being taboo and even illegal in many countries until relatively recently (and sadly still are in some places) there have always been people who decided they didn’t care and took a chance on love. So I don’t buy the idea that humans and Vulcans could live and work together even in a limited capacity for more than a century and a half before making the jump into starting families.

#star trek #star trek enterprise #star trek the original series #star trek the final frontier #spock #sarek/amanda #trip/t'pol #mestral/maggie #human/vulcan #human/vulcan hybrid

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delusaedisillusa · 7 years

Text

Random Hearts l

Once upon a time there was a girl named Tyra.

Tyra had no siblings, but a cousin of the same age Joanna. Both girls looked like two peas in a pod and were as close as sisters.

The two girls with golden hair and large emerald green eyes belonged to a noble and proud family.

A family that had always been very important and although the current heir seemed to do everything to make them fall into oblivion, the Lannisters were too rich to be forgotten.

They were born in Lannisport and their parents did not have the power or money of the Lions from the Rock, the ancestral home of the Lannister, nevertheless Tyra and Joanna were proud to be part of their family. They saw themselves as lionesses and had sworn that the world would hear their roar.

Joanna was more successful there, having grown up with important people and high-ranking folks, courted by Aerys Targaryen prince of high society, the beautiful lioness had married Tywin Lannister, the heir of Casterly Rock.

Young, cunning and fearless. The man that with just twenty-one years held important positions in the family's business.

Tyra was sure, if Tywin had been born a few centuries earlier, they would have dedicated verses and poems for his deeds.

Joanna had married the "Lion King", lived a fairytale life, respected, adored, courted.

The absolute love of her husband was source of envy for many ladies of Westero's high society, who wouldn't receive such affection from their husbands.

Tyra had much less luck of her cousin.

No, she had not gone to school with such of Rhaella Targaryen or Ilaria Martell, neither had a "grand seigneur" courted her.

Tyra had only the appearance of the once loved, but now only envied, cousin.

Everyone said that she lacked the fire of Joanna.

"What I miss are the friends in high places!" Tyra thought bitterly as she served tea to her mother's annoying friends, and would have gladly drank something stronger.

Everyone knew that Joanna and herself, had loved each other like sisters, everyone seemed to know of their dreams, all compared her to the fortunate cousin!

So she married, scarcely a month after Joanna and only a few weeks after their first date, a Martin Payne, a distant relative of the Payne who acted as handyman for Tywin, a man who had the advantage of not having met her cousin, who called her the most beautiful woman ever seen, a man who wanted to be important.

"Honey, I don't want to stay for my entire life in the shadow of Tywin Lannister! Ilyn, the bloody fool, thinks your cousin Tywin would be a God" The two were naked, Martyn caressed her, enchanted by her beauty.

Although not rich, Tyra was a Lannister, even the copy of the wife of the "Lion", he was sure that the Lannisters would open their coffers and give them a nice dowry.

Tyra also seemed docile, but was a real lioness in bed, he was sure she would be his fortune.

"Tyra are you sure you want to marry?" The concerned Joanna had asked, "You have known him for so little!"

The bride had just returned from their honeymoon, a short one since Tywin could not be absent too long.

Tyra had hated her, the makeup of her cousin was impeccable. The dress she wore simple but refined. No one would ever confuse the elegant woman with her.

"Joanna, you believe you are the only one worthy to get married, right?" She asked, pouring a glass of wine "Want some?"

"Tyra it is just ten!"

"Too early to get up, for a bride, don't you think?"

"Tyra do you know what you're doing? Tywin said that Martyn's draft is doomed to fail. Also he wants to go so far away! Tywin …"

"Joanna, " Snapped Tyra "Would you please stop naming your husband every ten-seconds? I want to go away, I want something of my own and Martyn will help me!"

"Tyra, do you love him?"

"I think so."

"Good luck, lioness."

"You too, lioness."

They embraced, they would not meet again for almost ten years.

Irony of fate both women who were often mistaken for twins, had both given birth to twins.

Tyra had given birth first, followed two months later by Joanna.

Joanna had given birth to a beautiful boy and a girl, she named them Jaime and Ceres.

The twins were perfect blondes creatures. Jaime had inherited both the golden curls and the emerald green eyes from his mother, while little Ceres's eyes were pale green flecked with gold like the eyes of her father, her hair pale blond.

The little family seemed to be out of a book. So much beauty and perfection, could not be true.

Tyra at the other hand...the pregnancy had stolen all energy, she felt lonely, ugly, fat. As the twins had finally decided to come out she found herself with a beautiful little girl with golden curls and a dwarf. Cersei Lannister was a pure Lannister, blonde, fair skinned, with the same green eyes of her mother. The child whom she named Tyrion was an ugly dwarf with a mixture of blond and black hair, with a black eye and a green one. Tyra had screamed in horror as soon as the nurse had tried to put him in her arms.

"A dwarf and a girl" proclaimed Martyn disappointed and half drunk after the doctors had explained that Tyra could no longer have children. He had had already vision of him working with his sons. The euphoria of marriage had lasted little. Martyn was a stuffed shirt, his famous nose for business, a joke.

He had invested in a chain of fast food stores at low cost, and business had gone fairly well, until he decided to expand. Too much and too quickly.

Tyrion and Cersei were not even four when Martyn escaped from the debts, creditors, a wife who hated him and the children whom he had not accepted.

Tyra was twenty-three, she behaved like a teenager and someday she felt like she was hundred years old .

Cersei was wilful and stubborn, Tyrion intelligent and affectionate.

He was the one who calmed his sister, already taller than him, he explained her the rules of the games, when Cersei wanted to hurl the games away.

"Perhaps it would have been better if Cersei had been the dwarf, my sweet Tyrion did not deserve this." Decided Tyra.

Twenty-three years a fugitive husband, two little kids who had caused her to be barren, and an avalanche of debt… but Tyra was positive to make it alone.

"Listen to me little doll, we women have our weapons," She said as the little girl tried stubbornly to put together the pieces of a puzzle. The pieces did not fit together, but the child wouldn't give up. Tyrion had managed to complete the same puzzle in scarcely an hour.

"Rifle?" She asked with her green eyes wide open. Tyra laughed, drinking her gin and tonic "No my dear, between your legs." Cersei looked confused.

'The girl is a little stupid' she thought .

Tyra did not know that Cersei was a normal, even smart girl and that Tyrion was a little genius. Maybe if the children had attended a nursery, or other children, Tyra would have noticed, but she had no money to make them go to kindergarten and although she loved Tyrion, she was ashamed of his deformity.

"Cersei luckily you're beautiful and you will not need to use your brain." She explained stroking her tousled curls.

"I'm going out with Uncle Gary, if you are hungry there are chips and cookies. Do not eat in bed!" She hugged and kissed Tyrion, drank the last drop of her drink, and went out, leaving the children alone.

The children were habituated to be left alone at home, Tyra used her 'weapons' often and with permanently changing partners.

Tyrion and Cersei were very isolated and grew accustomed to rely on each other.

Cersei protected her little brother from bullies, Tyrion protected Cersei from their own mother and from other adults.

Tyra, she hadn't wanted to be called mom, had spoken of their family, they were Lannister and not stupid Payne, when Martyn had left, she took her name back and changed that of her children.

Tyrion and Cersei were lions, as good as the cubs living at Casterly Rock.

The children felt more like stray cats than lions. They that wore the old clothes of other people, they did not know any food who wasn't canned or frozen, their backpacks and school stuff were cheap and ugly, not what they had wanted.

They did not have a room, they shared the sofa bed in the living room.

This wasn't a bad thing, they had always shared a bed, it was the only way they could sleep peacefully.

Casterly Rock was, to them, a fairytale place. If only they could reach that place, everything would be better.

They were nine when they met Joanna Lannister and their lives changed.

Tyrion would later tell that it all started with the lice infestation.

At this point their life with Tyra reached the point of no return.

Tyra drank too much, she 'fell in love' too easily and could not keep a job.

The twins were used to being treated like beggars.

The humiliation followed them step by step.

The apartments were increasingly poor and small, the clothes of the twins often used, the 'boyfriends' increasingly shady.

Men who were loud, who raised their hands against Tyra ... and touched little girls.

One Thursday afternoon Cersei and Tyrion had returned home with the news that the class of the girl was infested with lice.

Tyra had scolded the girl.

Cersei would have liked to scream in her face that it was not her fault that in the degraded school they attended, lice were not unusual, like the visits of social services.

"We have to cut them" decided Tyra with a mean grin.

The little girl looked appalled at her mother, as if she did not recognize her.

"No, I beg you Mom, no!" The small body of Cersei was shaking.

She was so afraid to forget that Tyra did not want to be called mom.

Cersei had never received nothing but compliments for her golden hair.

The last boyfriend's of Tyra loved to brush and pet them, which at the beginning had made her mother happy. 'He treats her as he would his own!' She had thought. But after a while she began to hate his exchange of affection.

They had split the month before.

The twins were sleeping, as Tyra started to scream.

"You fuck me and you whisper her name? Depraved! Pervert! Crappy pedophile!" She threw him out of the apartment and then she started to drink.

The next day at Cersei's timid question if "uncle" Jay would return, Tyra had slapped the girl shouting that she was a nasty little bitch in heat.

Tyrion had flung himself between them to subtract his twin from the fury of their mother, but Tyra had managed to hurt his twin.

At that moment he felt more powerless than ever, he wanted to raise his sister and lay on the couch, but he could only support her with difficulty; Cersei was bigger than him.

He had brought a cloth and ice and gently, he had seen his mother do so many times, had dabbed her cheekbones that were already tinged with blue.

"Tyrion, why did she beat me? " She asked through tears, "Why did she called me bitch in heat?"

The look he threw his sister was full of compassion. "Being beautiful must be hard." He muttered sadly.

What a strange creature her brother was, thought the little girl; the body of a child, the words of an adult, the wisdom of an old man.

"I'll go get a cola, ok?"

"Thank you, brother!"

Tyrion smiled, but his smile was sad, so sad that Cersei began to cry again.

Uncle Jay had promised to take them to the zoo! Cersei wanted so much to see the lions.

In the evening Tyra had apologized, she hugged her and called them her golden babies and had vowed that they would go to see the lions.

She ordered Cersei's favorite pizza.

"Hey! This pizza is as big as me!" Exclaimed Tyrion making them laugh.

That evening they had seen a movie in Tyra's bed. They had their first taste of wine.

"Crap!" The twins shouted in perfect sync, while Tyra laughed to tears.

It had been nice, even though it hurt Cersei's face when she laughed.

In the following days Tyrion and Cersei stayed at home

'A bad cold' Tyra had told the teacher on the phone.

Mom had showed her how to hide the bruises with the background color. They laughed and laughed, especially when together they had rigged Tyrion.

Unfortunately, the week before the news of the lice, Tyra had found a heart plush that Jay had given her for Valentine...

Since then she had not called Cersei her little golden fairy anymore and she had started to treat her coldly...

"Mom there are shampoos we can buy, or we can use some home remedy like hot vinegar, you do not need to cut them!"

"Some things it is better to kill them in the bud so that do not create problems later" had answered Tyra "Also a little bit of humility will do your sister good." She added, taking a pair of scissors from a kitchen drawer.

She had beaten Cersei who tried to escape and thrown Tyrion, who was trying to defend his sister, against a shelf.

She had cut her long blonde curls of her daughter and threatened to cut off her ear if she wouldn't stop.

"What do you need your ears for, if you never hear anything from anyone?" She shouted in her face.

Terrified, feeling that her mother was serious, Cersei closed her eyes and stopped moving.

When Tyrion had regained consciousness, the clash against the shelves had provided a nice bloody wound to his head, he almost did not recognize the face of the person who was treating his wound with ice, as he had done almost a month before to her.

Cersei's face was deformed with puffy eyes closed to slits, her lower lip split, almost bald.

"Tyrion, I hate to be a stupid powerless girl." Cersei's voice was strangely flat, so different from her usual vibrant energy.

"Cersei. I'll never be big and strong, but I promise you, one day I'll know how to protect you." His was a solemn oath.

The two embraced, as always having the feeling of being so different as to be equal.

They were the opposite one from the other, but at the same time two sides of the same coin.

Tyra was out, no doubt she would drink and would return the next day, or she would have found a man, another "Mr. Right " and she reassured them euphoric that everything would be better than before, that they would return to be true lions!

By now, they almost did not believe her anymore, at least they tried not to, because Tyra had always been pretty damn convincing.

Cersei who could not stop touching her head, went to bed exhausted.

When in the middle of the night the bell rang, the children were not surprised, everything was possible with Tyra Lannister, but it was not her, but the police.

Tyra had caused an accident drunk.

The police had thrown a look at the children and the squalor around them and one of them had murmured "Shit, call the social services."

The twins could be called brave, but words such as: 'social services', 'adoption', 'eviction' and 'orphanage' had the power to make them tremble.

"If it were possible I would call Tywin Lannister." Tyrion asked with his adult like manner.

The two policemen laughed.

"Look at this little man! No doubt you are in good relations with the vortex of power, but it would be easier to talk to the president or the Pope!"

"It can be, but we are not related it with the president, nor with the Pope, but with Tywin Lannister!" He told them calm and composed, before adding. "It would be better to talk with his wife, Joanna Lannister, the cousin of my mother"

"Relatives? I did not know that poor Lannisters existed! "

He laughed good-naturedly, but from the tone of voice Tyrion understood that he would phone anyway, if you were really related with the mighty lion of Lannister Corporation they could not afford to make him unhappy.

"We," Began the boy looking up "are cats of a different coat."

#asoiaf fanfiction #ch: cersei lannister #tyrion lannister #jaime lannister #jaime x cersei

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superludicrouslife · 7 years

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What First Year was like

First year my friends wasn’t pretty. I’m not going to leave anything out. This post is to warn you of the possible dangers ahead because life can hold just as many terrible things as good. Until you take the university plunge, you’ve most likely been protected by your family and school from the real world, thus giving you an unrealistic view on it, which although enjoyable is dangerous. I’m going to briefly share with you what happened to me in 2016. It wasn’t fabulous but I think it’s important to share because all the things that happen are real and could happen to you. Read this, learn, be careful but also don’t let it stop you from going to university or anything like that. What happened to me is just an example of the dangers and won’t happen to you. Just learn from this, take care and do all that’s in your power to stop it from happening to you, that’s why I am writing this. I am sharing my experiences, so you don’t.

So, having seen my best friend start uni that following year, I’d seen what it could be like. Every situation is different but you can generalise and find similarities. While I was taking a year out, I stayed at hers a few times, experienced the city she was in and had a lovely time, she protected me.

Her flatmates were fun, normal, lovely and hilarious. We were all the same age and had fun cooking food, drinking, dressing up, going out and just generally enjoying our independence for the first time. Fresh from boarding school all i knew was that kind of life and adjusting seemed doable. My first year begun a year later.

The time finally came for me to move into my halls. Nervous as anything (who wouldn’t be) I arrived with an open mind. I mean, why wouldn’t you, don’t expect anything just take it as it comes. So, the first night of freshers week I spent in my room in the dark, my flat, empty my room smelt of paint thinner. Feeling uncomfortable, lonely and scared i told myself desperately that things would improve. my flatmates had yet to move in, it was freshers week bring on the parties. The next day they moved in, the first one a funny looking boy seemed nice, the next was from Greece and we introduced each other. The last one was a girl who seemed nice and there was our flat complete in all its gory.

The night I asked if they had a speaker, they said they did not. No matter, i brought my laptop out of my room and played music, we conversed, got to know eachother and i suggested that we should go out seeing as it was freshers week and thats what everyone else was doing. I contacted my friend from college who was in the accommodation around the corner and we had pre drinks at theirs. The guy from Greece i later found to discover didn’t speak english so I guess he didn’t want to hang out with us, that’s fine he can do what he wants. the other two didn’t seem too keen on going out, the first night the guy went home early and the girl looked like she’d seen a ghost the entire night. I did my best to look after her and delivered her home safely at the end of the night. After inviting them on nights out with my friends in the other accommodation, I gave up, clearly going out wasn’t something they enjoyed. Fair enough that’s fine, I’ll go out with my friends across the road. So that was set for the whole year, little did i know at the time. Perfectly nice people, but they didn’t seem to enjoy socialising at all but preferred watching tv in their rooms. This I didn’t realise was what sent me into a depression.

Now, I’m completely mentally healthy but i do struggle with slight problems with anxiety and OCD which are completely common, most people have these and they've never become out of control, I’m a normal person going about her normal life with some slight ailments, no big deal.

Little did i know that the loneliness could in fact take me down a mental illness pit that i wasn’t going to return from for a while. Social isolation and loneliness MUST be recognised, if not, somebody with a less sane mind than myself could take their own life and i’m sure they have. THIS MUST STOP

If you find yourself in a similar situation, MOVE

i didn’t realise that i could, i did apply but I'm from a family that has a ‘no quit’ attitude. They didn’t LET me say that i was having a bad time. ‘make friends’ they said ‘whats wrong with you’. no. there’s nothing wrong with me, my entire flat wanted nothing to do with anyone and all the other flats had their doors closed 24/7. I was alone, sure i knew them from flat parties and things but once those doors were shut, they were shut. at least those other people had individuals in their flats were wanted to party, have fun and do things like WATCH TV TOGETHER. I had NONE of this i had nothing. What was i supposed to do, go to a club BY MYSELF and just become best friends wtih a ransomer in the smoking area??? each day that i came home from uni, i opened my flat door, got into my stinking paint thinner room and cry, no one was there, no one to talk to, no one to even drink a cup of tea with or watch a movie?? that was ALL i wanted. oh did i forget to mention that the flat door was broken? the building was run down, i was paying ridiculous amounts of money to stay in a crappy accommodation where everything was broken. nobody bothered to lock the door so anyone could come in whenever they wanted, one day i discovered the kettle was gone. sure, my door was locked but any of the stuff in the living room was free for the taking.

What else was crappy, yeah so my bathroom STUNK. It was paint thinner or some kind of chemical who knows, every week my mum would pour shower cleaner down the loo and shower but nothing would stop it. no discount or anything just a year of having to hold my breath every time i went in there. The toilet door had no lock and it would jam shut so i was lucky to get out every time i went to the toilet. there was nowhere to put my toothbrush, there was just a sink so i spent a year dropping all of my belongings into the sink. once, the shower broke so they said i couldn't shower all weekend until the mechanic could fix it on the monday. imagine if i hadn’t made friends with the boy upstairs? I used his shower, but would if i hadn’t met anyone, i only met him through a miracle, he was downstairs having a cigarette.

the lock to my own room was dodgy, it locked me out a few times not to mention if i was locking it from the inside it would half break off your finger if you weren’t careful.

One night i went out with my friends from across the road. these, were normal, funloving people, who i had a great time with. there was a silver lining, finally. however this night one of the girls had a panic attack in the club and needed to go to A and E so i went with her. Getting in at 7am, my phone was out of battery and I’d misplaced my keys. What to do eh? Luckily the security man was patrolling and he let me in. what would i have done if he hadn’t been though? stuck on the streets that’s what.

I had a quick nap and STILL made it to uni. Oh by the way, no one at uni cared that i hadn't had a wink of sleep and i did miss some of the demonstration class, which they did not repeat. Yes, i care about my degree a great deal. anyway there was no way to lock my door or get in and out of the building without my keys so i went to reception and spent £50 on new ones. i later found the keys, which i’d left in another flat, my friend from next door sent me a message. This was about an hour after i’d purchased the new keys so i went down the reception to return them. I then discovered that they were nonrefundable. They’d conveniently failed to tell me this, but apparently it was my fault for not finding out for myself. So i was robbed basically. No matter, i said to myself, a spare key that’s good i can use it next time my room locks me out. can i just say, optimism runs out. Sometimes its good to make light of a situation but when its so awful you're just kidding yourself? stop, its unhealthy because you're convincing yourself that you are ok when you are not and so you won't try to fix what’s wrong.

so my friends from the other accommodation quite uni quite early on. I was left with no one, all but one girl who i owe so much to. she’s fab but i’ll keep her name anonymous. i spent at lot of time out of my disgusting flat at hers and she was fun to go out with, hilarious and gave me some normality. that’s all i wanted, just a small shred of normality that everyone around me was having except me. i had friends at uni and i joined a society but at the end of the day when you get ‘home’ and all there is is silence to greet you it can turn the sanest person mad. i used to put the tv on the pretend there were people.

When it was time for meals I would go to the shop opposite which didn’t sell fresh produce and i had skin reactions to the preservatives in the food. it was at this point that my mum was coming to see me most weekends just to keep me afloat. she would bring me healthy food from home, clean clothes and helped me through it all. If i didn’t have that i don;t know what i would have done. my family doesn’t let you quit, or our entire family and friends would frown upon you if you did so i didn’t have a choice really. i was just the spoilt rich girl who was too stuck up and picky to slum it in a dingy flat that wasn't up to her standard. to them, i just needed to man up, i was being a wimp, ‘it can’t be that bad’ they said. but it was. the loneliness ruined MY LIFE. it took away a year and more and i didn’t even know it. mental illness is dangerous because it creeps up on you, you only become aware of it when it’s bad enough and even then you’re not even sure if it’s there.

by some miracle i didn’t quit, but it came at a price.

my drinking became dangerous, i developed intense social anxiety because i was hanging around with the wrong people. they didn't care about me or know me and i didn’t care about or know them. I would go on nights out where i would drink just vodka by itself, i would wake up in my bed not knowing how i got there. sometimes boys would be in my bed, nothing had happened each time thank goodness because i had been so trashed, and they had taken me home which i have to be thankful for. it was at this point i knew this needed to stop.

at mealtimes i would microwave a healthy ready meal and would drink a vegetable juice so i was getting healthy intake easily. however every time i went in there, the guy from Greece (still hadn’t got beyond saying hi) would cook meat. the oven was old and so the greasy smoke would fill the room hurting your eyes, i had to run in and out but just being in there was as little as two minutes would render your hair and clothes stinking of the smoke. when we left, we wiped down all the surfaces with wipes as the accommodation instructed us to clean the flat or we would be charged. little did i know it was getting revamped so there was little point of run to do this but anyway, another let down didn't come as a surprise. each wipe would be covered in a black, tar-lied substance. this was the residue from the oven smoke that landed on EVERYTHING. no one bothered to clean the flat apart from my mum and i.

I always made excuses for the Greek guy. i mean, he seemed nice but he didn't seem interested in getting to know me. he would only say hi and i tried on many occasions to get past this but he just took out his phone and pretended to speak to a friend on the other end. he would then play Spanish tunes loudly until 3am every night.

the blemishes from my reactions to the crappy food from the shop would make my skin swell up and i got cellulitis. i went on antibiotics for my skin but they weren’t helping. i then picked at my face because i was so upset with my life, not knowing what i was doing i then scarred my skin which started the worst attack of dermatillomania i have ever had. I had welts on my chest and my face. my skin became so dry i went to the dermatologist and she gave me a new skin routine. but this didn’t cure my developing OCD. I used to sit in my room and worry and chant and pick which would then make everything worse and i then couldn't bare to shower because i couldn't bare to look at my skin. i would put lotions from the doctor on my skin but this would make it worse because it was sensitive so i would get more spots. i was taking rescue remedy which i had no idea that i was allergic to. this gave me more welts and swollen lumps on my chest-i was spiralling out of control. i would have panic attacks daily, unable to leave my room. the depression set in and i could barely get out of bed. it was at this point i went to the dermatologist again and he suggested i could be depressed. i didn't want anyone near me because i deemed myself disgusting, i would buy dresses that i couldn't wear in vague hopes it would give me incentive to stop picking so i could wear low cut tops and dresses again.

the year of torture was nearly over and i decided to leave my skin alone, throwing out mirrors, using high quality skin products and just trying to work on myself. my family don’t really understand my condition but i did from my psychology knowledge from a level. i was pretty clued up and was aware of my symptoms, still unable to control them. i learnt that leaving your skin alone is more powerful than picking and i learnt to not look in the mirror when i showered. finally i was healed and it was summer time, i moved out of my stinking halls never to return. i didn’t even say good bye to my flatmates they weren’t even there the whole year.

First year was over. having only made some vague friends, i didn’t feel like anyone liked or cared about me. my OCD had got to the point where my head was so full of chanting i couldn’t think, it affected my work. i am enormously hardworking, always have but my work did suffer, i was suffering. the tutors didn’t seem to notice or care, i ended first year with an average grade, body dysmorphia, extreme anxiety, social anxiety, OCD, depression and dermatillomania. all because of a living situation.

if i could go back and tell myself to MOVE flats i would. if i could go back and get myself HELP i would. my flatmates weren’t mean or malicious, they simply weren’t THERE. PLEASE don’t let this happen to you or your friends or family. check on them regularly, and for goodness sake MOVE if it’s not good enough, i wish i had. there’s a difference between being a wimp and being intelligent. don't stay just because other people tell you you're just being weak, change because of whats best for YOU. Luckily for me I’m sane and so i didn’t try to kill myself or anything like that and never would, but i did get depressed and if someone less fortunate than me had the same situation they may have made an attempt on their own life. It happens all the time and universities need to be AWARE. loneliness is DANGEROUS, spread AWARENESS, SAVE lives

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inbonobo · 7 years

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Here was the pitch: We want you to write about how middle-aged men have no friends.

Excuse me? I have plenty of friends. Are you calling me a loser? You are.

The editor told me there was all sorts of evidence out there about how men, as they age, let their close friendships lapse, and that that fact can cause all sorts of problems and have a terrible impact on their health.

I told the editor I’d think about it. This is how reporters talk when they’re trying to get out of something they don’t want to do. As I walked back to my desk in the newsroom — a distance of maybe 100 yards — I quickly took stock of my life to try to prove to myself that I was not, in fact, perfect for this story.

First of all, there was my buddy Mark. We went to high school together, and I still talk to him all the time, and we hang out all the . . . Wait, how often do we actually hang out? Maybe four or five times a year?

And then there was my other best friend from high school, Rory, and . . . I genuinely could not remember the last time I’d seen him. Had it already been a year? Entirely possible.

There were all those other good friends who feel as if they’re still in my lives because we keep tabs on one another via social media, but as I ran down the list of those I’d consider real, true, lifelong friends, I realized that it had been years since I’d seen many of them, even decades for a few.

By the time I got back to my desk, I realized that I was indeed perfect for this story, not because I was unusual in any way, but because my story is very, very typical. And as I looked into what that means, I realized that in the long term, I was heading down a path that was very, very dangerous.

Vivek Murthy, the surgeon general of the United States, has said many times in recent years that the most prevalent health issue in the country is not cancer or heart disease or obesity. It is isolation.

I TURNED 40 IN MAY. I have a wife and two young boys. I moved to the suburbs a few years ago, where I own a fairly ugly home with white vinyl siding and two aging station wagons with crushed Goldfish crackers serving as floor mats. When I step on a Lego in the middle of the night on my way to the bathroom, I try to tell myself that it’s cute that I’ve turned into a sitcom dad.

During the week, much of my waking life revolves around work. Or getting ready for work. Or driving to work. Or driving home from work. Or texting my wife to tell her I’m going to be late getting home from work.

Much of everything else revolves around my kids. I spend a lot of time asking them where their shoes are, and they spend a lot of time asking me when they can have some “dada time.” It is the world’s cutest phrase, and it makes me feel guilty every time I hear it, because they are asking it in moments when they know I cannot give it to them — when I am distracted by an e-mail on my phone or I’m dealing with the constant, boring logistics of running a home.

We can usually squeeze in an hour of “dada time” before bed — mostly wrestling or reading books — and so the real “dada time” happens on weekends. That’s my promise. “I have to go to work, but this weekend,” I tell them, “we can have ‘dada time.’ ”

I love “dada time.” And I’m pretty good about squeezing in an hour of “me time” each day for exercise, which usually means getting up before dawn to go to the gym or for a run. But when everything adds up, there is no real “friend time” left. Yes, I have friends at work and at the gym, but those are accidents of proximity. I rarely see those people anywhere outside those environments, because when everything adds up, I have left almost no time for friends. I have structured myself into being a loser.

“YOU SHOULD USE THIS story suggestion as a call to do something about it.”

That’s Dr. Richard S. Schwartz, a Cambridge psychiatrist, and I had reached out to him because he and his wife, Dr. Jacqueline Olds, literally wrote the book on this topic, The Lonely American: Drifting Apart in the Twenty-First Century.

He agreed that my story was very typical. When people with children become overscheduled, they don’t shortchange their children, they shortchange their friendships. “And the public health dangers of that are incredibly clear,” he says.

Beginning in the 1980s, Schwartz says, study after study started showing that those who were more socially isolated were much more likely to die during a given period than their socially connected neighbors, even after you corrected for age, gender, and lifestyle choices like exercising and eating right. Loneliness has been linked to an increased risk of cardiovascular disease and stroke and the progression of Alzheimer’s. One study found that it can be as much of a long-term risk factor as smoking.

The research doesn’t get any rosier from there. In 2015, a huge study out of Brigham Young University, using data from 3.5 million people collected over 35 years, found that those who fall into the categories of loneliness, isolation, or even simply living on their own see their risk of premature death rise 26 to 32 percent.

Now consider that in the United States, nearly a third of people older than 65 live alone; by age 85, that has jumped to about half. Add all of this up, and you can see why the surgeon general is declaring loneliness to be a public health epidemic.

“Since my wife and I have written about loneliness and social isolation, we see a fair number of people for whom this is a big problem,” Schwartz continues. But there’s a catch. “Often they don’t come saying they’re lonely. Most people have the experience you had in your editor’s office: Admitting you’re lonely feels very much like admitting you’re a loser. Psychiatry has worked hard to de-stigmatize things like depression, and to a large part it has been successful. People are comfortable saying they’re depressed. But they’re not comfortable saying they’re lonely, because you’re the kid sitting alone in the cafeteria.”

I’m not that kid. I’m gregarious. I have family around me all the time, or I’m around “friends” at work or elsewhere. I comment on their Facebook posts. They comment on mine. My wife and I also have other couples we like and see often. It’s easy to fall into the trap of believing that’s good enough — and for many men it is, at least until their spouse gets the friends in the divorce.

I’m hesitant to say I’m lonely, though I’m clearly a textbook case of the silent majority of middle-aged men who won’t admit they’re starved for friendship, even if all signs point to the contrary. Now that I’ve been forced to recognize it, the question is what to do about it. Like really do about it. Because the tricks I’ve been using clearly do not work. I’ve been on “guy dates” with people I like — maybe I met them through my kids or on an assignment or whatever — but all too often those are one and done. It’s not that we don’t hit it off. We’ll go have that beer, and we’ll spend that beer talking about how we’re overscheduled and never get to hang with our friends, vaguely making plans to do something again, though we both know it’s probably not going to happen — certainly not the grand “Let’s hike the Appalachian Trail” ideas that start getting thrown out after the third beer. It’s a polite way of kicking the ball down the road, but never into the goal. I like you. You like me. Is that enough? Does that make us friends?

IN FEBRUARY AT A CONFERENCE in Boston, a researcher from Britain’s University of Oxford presented study results that most guys understand intuitively: Men need an activity together to make and keep a bond. Women can maintain friendships over the phone. My wife is capable of having long phone talks with her sister in Virginia or her friend Casey (whom she sees in person almost every day), and I kind of look at it with amazement. I hate the phone. My guy friends seem to share my feelings, because our phone conversations seem to naturally last about five minutes before someone says, “All right, I’ll catch up with you later.” Dudes aren’t going to maintain a bromance that way, or even over a once-in-a-blue-moon beer. We need to go through something together. That’s why, studies have shown, men tend to make their deepest friends through periods of intense engagement, like school or military service or sports. That’s how many of us are comfortable.

When I was talking to Richard Schwartz, the psychiatrist told me something that had me staring off into the distance and nodding my head. Researchers have noticed a trend in photographs taken of people interacting. When female friends are talking to each other, they do it face to face. But guys stand side by side, looking out at the world together.

But in the middle years of life, those side-by-side opportunities to get together are exactly the sort of things that fall off. When you have a gap in your schedule, you feel bad running off with the fellas and leaving your partner alone to look for the shoes. And the guys I’d like to spend time with are all locked in the exact same bind as me. Planning anything takes great initiative, and if you have to take initiative every time you see someone, it’s easy to just let it disappear.

That’s why Schwartz and others say the best way for men to forge and maintain friendships is through built-in regularity — something that is always on the schedule. This worked well for me over the past year (however unintentionally) with a college buddy named Matt. We signed up to run last April’s Boston Marathon together, and even though he lives in Chicago, we were in regular contact about our training, his trip to Boston, etc., and our relationship became stronger than ever, even though our best and deepest conversation occurred during the four-plus hours it took us to get from Hopkinton to Boston, side by side. We repeated the process with the Chicago Marathon in October, this time in less than four hours (thank God for the flat Midwest), but we haven’t had much contact since then, because we’re no longer going through anything together. I texted him to congratulate him after the Cubs won the World Series. He did the same for me after the Patriots won the Super Bowl. But I can’t remember the last time I talked to Matt since. We have no further plans. That would take initiative.

WHENEVER THE POWERBALL or Mega Millions gets over $100 million, I’ll buy a ticket. My wife thinks I’m nuts, that I’m just wasting our money. I tell her she’s missing the point. I know I’m not going to win, but in that time between when I buy the ticket and the TV news trucks do not show up outside my home, my fantasy brain answers a question for me: What would I really do if I didn’t have to do all this other stuff?

For a while, this was an escape fantasy that involved loading my family into an old Volkswagen bus, hitting the road, and setting off to look for America. That ended when I actually managed to save up enough money to buy an old Volkswagen bus, an endeavor that did not lead to a tour of this country’s national parks but of its auto repair shops. The bus is gone. And so is the escape fantasy. I’m very happy in my life. If I need someone to confide in, I have my wife. All the pieces are here, except one — the guys. I’d like to think they’re also missing me and are just locked into this same prison of commitments. But I don’t want to wait until we’re all retired and can reconnect on a golf course. It feels silly to wait that long, and thanks to this stupid story, I know it’s quite dangerous. So I’m ready to steal a simple concept that doesn’t require lottery money.

A few years ago, shortly after I’d moved from the city to Cape Ann on the North Shore, I took a kayaking class run out of a shop in Essex. At some point, the man who owned the place, an older guy named Ozzy, said something in passing about how he couldn’t do something because he had “Wednesday night.” Slightly confused, I asked him what he was talking about, and he explained an idea to me that was so simple and profound that I resolved one day to steal it . . . when I got older. I think it’s time to admit I’m there.

“Wednesday night,” Ozzy explained, was a pact he and his buddies had made many years before, a standing order that on Wednesday nights, if they were in town, they would get together and do something, anything.

Everything about the idea seemed quaint and profound — the name that was a lack of a name (such a guy move); the placement in the middle of the week; the fact that they’d continued it for so long. But most of all, it was the acknowledgment from male friends that they needed their male friends, for no other reason than they just did.

I tried to reach Ozzy, but he takes the winters off to go skiing in California and the number I had was disconnected. When I tried to get an e-mail address from a mutual friend, I was told he didn’t do e-mail. This guy seems like he has some things figured out. So, Ozzy, I’m stealing Wednesday night.

Obviously, it’s not going to work every time, but experts say that even the act of trying to increase your friendships can benefit your health, so consider this the beginning of that. I’m OK with admitting I’m a little lonely. Doesn’t make me a loser. Doesn’t make you a loser.

Fellas, what are you doing this Wednesday? And the one after that? And the one after that? Consider it a standing invitation. Let’s do something together.

(via bg)

#middle-age #middle-aged #friendship #friends #companionship #mens health #sociology #health #healthcare #psychology #lifestyle #zen

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soulfulauror-a · 7 years

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“The trouble with Tina as a character is that she’s kind of brittle, kind of uptight but you have got to love her as well. And that’s not easy. I know because I know the character so well. How much insecurity lies beneath and how much vulnerability lies beneath. Anyway, Katherine just nailed it in her audition.”

You are not supposed to like Tina. At least, not at the beginning. It is not because she is a “bad person” or “unkind”. As we all know Tina is the “one uncomplicated act of kindness” that Credence Barebone is met with. But when we’re first introduced to her we have a young woman who was fairly recently demoted from her position as Auror (about two and a half months prior). She’s at the NSPS meeting to keep an eye on what’s going on and becomes almost instantly aware that there is something off about Newt Scamander.

She is deliberately introduced as an antagonist to our cute, awkward of a hero. This is perhaps one of the number one reasons people walked out of the theater going “I don’t like Tina” (and I’ve met a few of them). We’re not supposed to like her in the beginning, we’re supposed to feel for Newt, and we’re supposed to be annoyed by how uptight she is. This was completely intentional—Tina wants to turn him in because maybe if she performs her job well she’ll get her position back.

“What are you an investigator or something?” Newt asks and for a brief moment she’s taken aback as if she’s unsure how to answer that, before puffing herself up and practically going ‘yeah and I’m taking you in’. She immediately puts on the air of an officer arresting someone. However, there’s also this nervousness there—If he read her card he’d know she wasn’t an Auror, Red questions her, and of course she’s immediately pulling back when she walks into the major investigative department expecting to be scolded. It’s right about here we get to start having sympathy for her and why? Because we see that she’s just a young woman trying to make something of herself and her doing the right thing ended in her being yelled at. We see for the first time that she and Newt are not entirely dissimilar.

Tina is designed in some ways to be what Newt is not. They have the same passion and the same love for what they do. They are both a little bit emotionally stunted and neither are the best with social intricacies. Newt is the one able to wear his hear on his sleeve and Tina guards hers more closely to her. She’s the one who thinks before she acts and he’s the one who ah, yes, “my philosophy is you worry you suffer twice”. They’re supposed to be representing two sides of one coin and this is very important. Newt’s easy to love, Tina’s pricklier to love. But close inspection shows that there are similarities in reasons to love them.

One of the best physical indicators of this is in their wardrobe: Newt’s clothing are bright and colorful, Tina’s is cool and gray. Newt’s wand is more decorative, worn, and not perhaps the best taken care of. Tina’s is sleek, forceful, and made to look like she takes magic seriously. She’s made to look somewhat more masculine in style, her coat a piece to show her former Aurorhood and comfortable for detective work. Aside from the bracelet—worn because she was made to—and her well-worn locket Tina doesn’t add any fancifulness to her attire.

Even her portions of the Goldstein apartment are well-kept and organized (also in dark grays/blues because the costume designer decided that was Tina’s color).

Then we must take a moment to compare here and Queenie on a physical aspect: Queenie is the bombshell. She’s drop-dead gorgeous, wears it like a shield, and isn’t afraid of her prowess as a woman. Whereas Tina is much more conservative, as one of the costumers said ‘Tina is a little bit gawky. A little not quite there in her body and just a bit off in her costume’. Even compared to other woman and extras, Tina is obviously made to look somewhat like the “other” in terms of womanhood. Not unpretty, but very obviously not what goes with the time.

Which is also important because it’s supposed to be what she’s presented as: The outsider. Tina, like Newt, is not supposed to fit in with convention or local norms. She’s a woman in trousers doing a soldier’s job. In a time when the word “feminine” meant everything that her sister was, Tina was not. Nor did she have any care to show for it or time. She was a career girl, through and through, more worried about how to get back to who she was than even the most basic of appearances.

Her appearance, in all, reflects one essential thing: Functionality and practicality.

Tina doesn’t have time for frivolous desires. She doesn’t let herself have time to slow down and appreciate life because there’s /always/ something to be done. Tina takes her work seriously—Well work she wants to do. As notably she shirks off her work in the Wand Permit Office to do what--? Oh, that’s right, to go stalk the NSPS which is apparently a regular occurrence and something she’s NOT supposed to be doing. But it is important and relevant to her and in spite of the “if there’s an inquiry I’m finished” Tina… still goes out and does it. Because it’s her job. She made it her job to look after those kids and she’s not letting a thing like imprisonment get in the way.

Because, perhaps the most important thing said about Tina is simple this:

“Though she’s really proud to be a part of Macusa and dreams of succeeding there, when push comes to shove she will abandon the rulebook. I found it really touching. She loves the rules, but if someone’s in trouble, she can’t help herself.”

Katherine says who she is at heart most beautifully there. Yes, Tina is a stick-in-the-mud. Yes, Tina values the rules and will perform her job without stopping—But she also has a heart. And a large one at that. Tina can’t stand by and watch people be hurt. She can’t let injustice be done and she simply refuses to stop just because she got in trouble for it: If it’s the right thing to do she’s going to do it regardless of personal consequences.

And this, I believe, comes a lot from her personal morals but also what she likely believes an Auror is supposed to do. Everything we have on Aurors tells us that they must be morally grounded. They need to be able to perform fast and make solid judgements. They are placed through rigorous personality tests that if they can’t pass they’ll never be an Auror regardless of top scores in class. Aurors are the elite, the brave, and (generally) the good. They protect people and Tina takes that aspect of her job seriously. She’s passionate about it and even getting in trouble was not going to stop her from doing what she needed to do.

She’d a troublemaker though, not intentionally. If she were to go back in time to fix the Credence incident she would have done it the same way over again. She really can’t help herself in any aspect of the word. As I’ve said multiple times: Tina was lucky to be alive after the first incident. Luckier still to even have a job. Yet she continuously put it all on the line and kept an eye on NSPS, neglecting even her “real” job to do it (although, it should be noted according to information that the Wand Permit Office wasn’t even really taken seriously).

Tina has never had a lot of time to sit back and have fun, even before the Credence incident. Or before becoming an Auror. She and Queenie raised each other. From everything said, the girls became pretty much the one rock the other had to hold onto. Tina makes the money, pays the bills, does the “father” position of the job. Queenie manages the household, occasionally makes sure Tina eats, and is the “mother”. Sometimes the roles reverse, but by large the girls have taken up these positions—They’re pretty much all they’ve got until they meet the boys.

It’s a very strange relationship between the sisters, because you see this partnership— You see how much they will risk for the other and how much effect the other has even in the simplest of things. They share a room and you can note the difference in sides, but it comes together. Different, but the same. So you have this weird aspect of a parenting relationship but there’s very obviously a side that deems them as sisters. They get onto each other and disagree, but they’re very firmly the other’s most important person. At least, until the movie began and then things turn a little bit differently.

But despite anything Queenie might have had to say about it, Tina didn’t allow herself to be a kid very long after their parents died. She absolutely would have wanted to secure them a life and it’s obvious she doesn’t mind being the breadwinner of the family (although, she would like to see Queenie find happiness in something with her talents). Tina would have spent years studying to become an Auror and all the while trying to navigate the world with a younger sister and would have valued and placed her first while promoting her career. Tina wanted Queenie to be allowed to be freer and, thus, stunts herself a little (this is a bit of an implication/reading from the Case of Beasts).

“You see these two sisters who have raised each other and so we have a very deep bond. But it’s an isolated and lonely life, and then these two men come into our world. And they’re very, very different and exciting and intriguing and our lives are suddenly transformed within a night.”

Until December 6th of 1926 it is more than implied that the girls only had each other. And while they worked with it and were happy with each other, the appearance of Jacob and Newt serves as a catalyst. Every instance I’ve read in an interview has always described the meeting as life changing. How in one night all of their worlds were flipped upside down for better or worse.

And it’s with that in mind I pull a lot of my less movie-inclined appearances of Tina: Tina is a Thunderbird through and through. Yes, she makes a comment about exterminating the creatures. This was a natural assumption of the time—No one had taken the time to fully get to research these creatures before then. In fact, there’s a whole prop of a book that Newt’s is supposed to replace that just discussed…. How evil and dangerous they were. Newt was a RARITY. Which is why Newt doesn’t seem offended by the fact that Tina says it, merely resigned.

However: we see the first change in this when Tina steps into the case. She’s utterly fascinated and amazed and (likely for the first time) surrounded by dozens of these creatures. She learns they’re not actually dangerous and you see her light up. Tina smiles for the first real time in the movie in the case and she seems, while not completely at home, lighter there. This too is important because it’s the first time we see her really relax—Even in her own home she was a bit awkward because flirting was happening.

This to me is a point that Tina wasn’t really wearing her Thunderbird colors so to speak and hadn’t been for a while. She’d been so focused on her career, the Barebones, returning to her career, etc, that she really had stopped allowing herself to live a little. She saw magic as a tool and not something beautiful, but for a moment she’s reminded of the wonders of the world. And this is so very significant because we see a bit of spunk in her after that. Tina relaxes around Newt—Has really seen him for what he is and begins to act as not as a woman of authority but as a friend (and perhaps a woman with a wee bit of a crush).

From here we see her joke with Newt, tease him, and give a tiny “playful skip”. In this we see that Tina is not all serious. She’s not straight lines and jokes. She’s small laughs and little movements. And when she smiles, truly smiles it’s absolutely engulfing—Even Eddie says that in the final scene on the pier that he couldn’t help his reaction and it was entirely Newt responding to Tina’s smile. We see that there’s not only a vulnerable side, but this kind of fun side that rarely gets out. But in finding its comforts around Newt has began to allow itself to be. And that’s something I find important because Tina doesn’t find a reason to restrain herself.

And if you don’t see why:

“She doesn’t get to have a lot of fun in her life. In the movie she gets to have fun, but in her life she’s quite lonely and she isolates [herself] a lot and she struggles with self-doubt. I like the idea that she has this little dancer in her waiting to get out, she has this spirit in her.”

‘I like to think that every now and then Tina sneaks into somewhere where no one knows her and she just rips it up on the dance floor for 10 minutes and then she says, “Okay, I got it,” and goes to bed. That’s her little release. She’s totally free and then it's, “Okay I’ve got to go back to work.” We’ll see if that ever comes out.’

#ooc #(i made myself stop)#(otherwise i'd be here forever)#(i have too much to say someone help)

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