#these are the first headcanons I've posted so idk what I'm doing but I know I'm having fun | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

hersweetrevenge · 1 year

Text

corey cunningham x roger allen: relationship headcanons

i've become unreasonably invested in this pairing, and feel the need to explain myself lol. i think a relationship between corey and mr allen is fundamentally very complex and problematic, while also being an all american story of infidelity and youth.

WARNING for corey cunningham x mr allen, age gap relationship, smut, unprotected sex, infidelity/cheating, implied sex work, mildly implied child abuse (corey and his mom), murder, violence and child death. 3.8k word count.

pre-accident

their relationship is sort of like a subversion of the "lonely wife has an affair with the pool boy", but instead it's the "white collar husband has an affair with the boy who mows their lawn".

no matter how many times roger tells corey to call him roger, corey pretty much always says mr allen.

when corey first starts doing yard work, he put flyers (printed at the library) in the letterboxes through the nicer neighbourhoods in haddonfield.

joan is not happy about it. she wants corey at home, with her, always. but he's been getting a lot of big idead lately about college and independence and she is not happy. not one bit.

he meets the allens when they call the number he left and ask if he can come by at the weekend to talk about what he can help with.

corey got a crush first, almost as soon as he first met the allens, but roger was the one to instigate the affair, after a couple of months.

to begin with, roger thinks corey is a well-meaning but awkward kid, clearly not used to speaking to people that much. there's a sort of boyish confidence that comes through now and then, when he's talking about something he knows well. as time goes by roger starts to wonder -- when corey takes his shirt off in the heat, he must know what he's doing, right?

both of them are bisexual. roger experimented in college and was comfortable in his identity, but isn't really open about it since he got married. corey is still figuring himself out when the affair starts, but he's had a lot of crushes on both men, especially older men, and women.

[contrary to my original fic] i actually think corey was 20 when he starts working for the allens, while roger is in his mid 40s.

roger starts an affair for the classic, all american reason: his marriage has gotten boring. he wants an affair with someone younger and more exciting who will let him play out his fantasy of still being in his prime.

i don't think he has sinister or malicious intentions when he "seduces" corey. maybe he's just defending his own actions, but corey is an adult, if he didn't want to do anything then he wouldn't, right? corey clearly has a crush, right?

corey really, genuinely respects the allens' marriage.

not only does corey respect the allens as a couple (the ideal american marriage when compared with his mom and ronald), but he also really respects roger. i don't think (at that point) corey would "whore himself out" for a man he didn't respect.

deep down, corey is aware of how this all looks. he knows he's being a homewrecker.

but another part of him feels like he's doing something good. if roger was going to cheat, surely it's better that he does it with corey, than with someone else who doesn't care about his marriage.

another motivation for why corey gives in so easily is that his life is so controlled and there is so much pressure on him, he just wants an outlet to forget about everything. think gifted kid to dumbification kink pipeline.

he doesn't want to think about anything at all, and roger makes it so he doesn't have to. makes it so that his mind is empty and all he has to do is lie there and let himself feel good. it's an offer he won't can't pass up.

roger used to watch corey do yard work from the kitchen window, when he was at home. the sight made him stay home on the weekend a lot more.

even though a lot of their affair is based on convenience, roger can very much see how handsome corey is.

roger loves making corey laugh, because his laugh loud and childish. and he means it to, roger can tell he isn't faking.

mrs allen is rarely mentioned, beyond whether she is home or not, and where she is if she isn't home. both of them have a guilty conscience about her.

roger starts to wonder, is corey like this with everyone he works for? does he put on an elaborate act of "awkward, blushing virgin" -- is he actually sleeping with all the people he does yard work for? and he acts all innocent because he knows it gets people going?

corey understands he's being used. he knows this isn't a "relationship" and roger definitely isn't going to leave his family for him or anything like that, they're not going to be together, so he tells himself that he's just going to enjoy it while it lasts.

but in saying that, corey definitely fell in love a little bit.

corey's isn't your "classic" attention whore, but he is one all the same. he never had a dad and now this older man is showing him a lot of (special) attention? he'll do anything to keep it.

what can he say, he has some intense daddy issues. being wanted by an older man satiates that for a while.

plus it makes him feel like he has some control in his life. and makes him feel like an adult where he doesn't at home. it feels so grown up to have an affair.

roger doesn't know everything about corey's home life, but he thinks he understands, from what corey tells him when he's feeling vulnerable. he knows corey is lonely and stressed; a resentful momma's boy.

corey tells him about his college plans; he wants to be an engineer, wants to go to a school in chicago. if anything, roger feels an affection for him. he wants corey to find a better life for himself.

in all honesty, corey doesn't really know much about roger either. he sees him as this ideal family man, father figure and partner. he's so caught up in that, and so validated by his attention, that he forget he doesn't really know him. he knows one side of him.

roger still pays corey money for doing "yard work". corey does still do that, to keep up appearances, but he's less thorough than he used to be. they both know what the money is really for.

corey tells himself he doesn't care about the money. he needs it, but that's not what he's having this affair for.

he's selling himself (or letting himself be bought) for affection more than money.

subconsciously, it does mess him up a little bit though.

roger's thoughts about corey possibly putting on an act lose all their credit after the first few times they do anything. there's no way corey is faking this sort of earnest inexperience.

because corey is very nervous and shy at first. he's so inexperienced and he doesn't want to embarrass himself. mostly he just let's roger do whatever he wants to him.

they always have their trysts at the allen house.

at first it's at the weekend when corey is there to do the yard and mrs allen and jeremy aren't at home, but then roger starts inviting corey around more, still when mrs allen and jeremy are out (lucky for them, his wife and child have busy social lives).

roger starts finding more time to be at home when corey can be there, working from home when he can. think blow jobs while on a zoom meeting.

roger drinks heineken, pretty much all of their hook ups begin with them having a drink, even before corey hits 21.

corey's about to get a pavlov response to the sound of beer bottles clinking together.

the first few times, they only kiss. then it gets more hot and heavy, dry humping and grinding, a hand job here and there. roger teaches corey how to give head. he fingers him to get him used to the feeling because he's never done this before. they stay in the kitchen or on the couch.

the first time corey ever sucked dick, it took him a while to take it down all the way, even with roger guiding him through it.

his eyes water and roger wipes away the tears that spill over, his other hand always in his hair.

he gets good though, very good, even though he's nervous every time. roger secretly likes that nervous look, it's such a contrast to how he actually takes it like a champ. call him the king of sloppy toppy. and he always swallows.

the first time corey got a blow job he cried. just like he did with all of his other firsts. it's actually kind of rare that roger gives corey head. corey'd rather give than receive with oral, he thinks, but really roger is just kind of selfish.

roger took corey's virginity. sometimes he even feels guilty about it.

corey cried. he tried not to, he really did, but he couldn't help it. the stretch was more than he expected, even with a lot of prep and he'd never felt so full before.

("just the tip," roger had promised, to see if he could take it. it felt okay, corey had nodded to keep going but didn't realise how overwhelming it'd be)

roger pets his hair, kisses his temple, strokes his dick to try and and calm him down. it starts feeling good, really good and too much all at once.

condoms? never heard if them. it's not like roger can knock him up and they're both clean so roger never even suggests it.

corey loses his virginity in the allens' bed. after that, they pretty much always do it in the bedroom.

missionary is their usual position, though sometimes corey rides cowgirl because roger likes seeing him do all the work to get himself there.

roger doesn't really do dirty talk, corey seems too innocent for that sort of thing (in the beginning anyway). he does dole out the praise though.

"good boy" "you're so good for me" "you're taking me so well, look at you" "it's okay, i've got you"

their sex life is pretty vanilla to be honest. roger isn't into anything particularly kinky, and corey hasn't figured himself out that far yet.

the thrill of "we shouldn't be doing this" is enough.

while praise is the main thing corey likes, he's also into overstimulation (once he deals with the actually overwhelming aspect of the first few time), something like dumbification (without the more objectifying aspects), and he is more than willing to do a little bit of begging. roger tries a little bit of teasing degradation on occasion, but corey doesn't like it that much; he doesn't want to feel like he's doing something wrong or he isn't good enough.

the riskiest thing they ever did was have a quickie while jeremy was at home. corey was there to do the yard (and more), but jeremy is unexpectedly at home because his playdate got cancelled. jeremy is playing upstairs in his room and when corey comes back inside from the garden, mr allen corners him in the kitchen.

he nudges corey up onto the counter, a hand going down the front of his shorts.

corey whimpers and shakes his head, "jeremy's --"

"upstairs," mr allen finishes his sentence for him, "he won't be down for a while - kids and their computers- don't worry about it."

slowly corey starts to get more comfortable and confident during their escapades, he leans into what he knows roger wants. someone young and playful who can give him a run for his money, but who will always give in, in the end.

he starts having fun, like he's playing the role of someone more confident and sexy and teasing.

roger sometimes sends him upstairs to get ready while he grabs them some beers and locks the front door. corey does as he's told, stripping off and laying in mr allen's bed and when he walks in, corey smiles at the older man, legs spread wantonly, "see anything you like?"

roger is initially surprised at how malleable and easy corey is to manhandle when he wants to be. roger is taller by a few inches, but corey had broad shoulders and broad hips, he isn't waifish by any means. roger likes how boyishly masculine corey is.

corey is very, very good at keeping secrets. he's so used to his mom's snooping and meddling that he's perfected the art of hiding things from her. and really, who else is he going to tell?

the hardest part is hiding any marks on his skin. corey is carefully not to leave any on roger, but roger doesn't always extend the same courtesy.

joan has an annoying habit of just walking into corey's room, or even the bathroom while he's in the shower, without knocking to collect his washing or talk to him or interrogate him, so he has to be careful she doesn't see anything like a hickey ln his neck or bruises on his hips or else he'll never, ever hear the end of it.

corey is a stickler for punctuality. he is always home in time for dinner. there have been a few close calls where they lost track of time and corey needed to bike hard as hell to get home on time.

a random thing corey was unnecessarily embarrassed about was that he only wears tighty-whiteys, and not even a good brand, they are classic fruit of the loom. roger literally doesn't care, it's even kind of endearing. and the darker part of him gets a thrill out of it, knowing corey's mom still buys and probably washes his underwear while corey is here getting his brains fucked out.

speaking of that darker side of roger. he knows corey is an adult, capable of making his own decisions, but there's something about him being so dependent that does something to him.

[i'm not sure if i really believe they'd go this far, but i don't think it's out of the realm of possibility] roger takes corey out of town for a dirty weekend. corey lies to his mom, roger lies to theresa.

this dirty weekend is a turning point for their sex life.

with no time constraints, they go so many rounds they start losing count.

still nothing particularly wild, but things mrs allen wouldn't do.

corey already fulfilled one of those things for him, of course. theresa would never let him do anal.

the rest are more mundane things, like doggy style and wake up blow jobs and shower sex. even just the sense of free use that means they keep going and going and going.

corey isn't delusional (he swears he isn't), but he turns off his brain for the weekend and imagines this is his real life. with roger spending money like it was nothing, on a fancy as fuck hotel room and hundreds of dollars of room service, and having all the time in the world to laze around in bed watching movies and having zero expectations placed on him.

the boldest and hottest thing corey did on that trip was pull roger's wedding ring off with his teeth when he put his fingers in his mouth to get wet. even corey doesn't know what possessed him to do that, but the way roger practically fold him in half to fuck him afterwards, he's glad for the divine inspiration.

that is also the first time they literally sleep together after having sex, and they end up getting, perhaps dangerously, sentimental. corey just wants to be held and roger is much too gentle with him for someone who claims this is just a casual fling.

in corey's fantasies when he's alone in bed, he gets off on the forbidden nature of the affair, but it never really translates to their actual encounters.

he thinks about how he does things for mr allen that mrs allen wouldn't, thinks about saying it one day because he knows it'd drive roger crazy.

"i bet your wife doesn't feel this good, does she?" "she doesn't moan like i do" "she doesn't let you ruin her".

he'd never say any of that out loud, and it leads to some of his meaner and more delusional daydreams.

selfish. corey knows deep down that he's selfish. He doesn't want to think about mrs allen or jeremy, and he wants to be mr allen's one and only. he'd let mr allen do anything to him and he knows he'd love him so well if he got the chance.

but that is never going to happen, of course. corey knows that.

corey swings between those selfish daydreams and feeling guilty. mrs allen is really nice, he doesn't want to wreck her marriage. but is it really hurting anyone, if no one ever finds out?

the final time they fuck before the accident was on the weekend before halloween.

neither of them showed any indication of wanting to stop anytime soon. if it weren't for the accident, the affair could have gone on for months more, maybe even a year -- until corey went to college.

everything that weekend was normal, their usual routine. corey raked some leaves and then got railed.

if only they knew that would be their last time, maybe they could have savoured it.

roger is the one who suggests calling corey on halloween when their babysitter cancels on them. theresa is sceptical -- she doesn't know corey that well -- but roger makes a convincing case.

he knows corey is a good, responsible kid, and it's only for a few hours. he trusts corey.

post-accident

after the accident, they never speak. roger barely even says anything while they wait for the ambulance and the cops.

the trial is long and roger watches corey but they never interact beyond being in the same courtroom.

theresa had yelled at him outside the courthouse and roger had just held her, watching as ronald acted as a buffer between corey and anyone who tried to get close, mostly the press. he bundles him in the back of their car before they start the long drive back to warren county.

a horrible, selfish part of roger is relieved that corey never told anyone about the affair. no one who mattered anyway. he might of told his therapist, but nothing could would come of it now, he thinks.

as it happens, corey never did tell anyone. not his therapist, not the cops, certainly not his mother.

he doesn't think anyone would believe him, even if he did.

roger sees corey around town. a lot. sometimes he thinks about talking to him, but he holds steady. corey killed his son, he tells himself.

(jeremy's death is the penance he has to pay for his infidelity, he thinks)

corey takes the "break up" really hard. not only is he wracked with guilt over jeremy's death, but in a single moment, his relationship with roger is over. all that attention and affection and comfort, even just having someone to alleviate the physical need of getting off, is gone.

when mrs allen rips into him at the bar, corey's stomach drops thinking she might of found out about the affair in the years since. but no, she just hasn't forgiven him for killing her baby.

the first time they speak in four years is when roger picks corey up the morning after he meets michael.

corey isn't thinking clearly. something happened to him, something that changed everything.

roger hasn't spoken to him in years, but corey knows what he wants. it's the only thing he ever wanted from him.

he's resentful that roger tries to act like he doesn't want sex, then still feels resentful when it turns out he does.

where once corey had been shy and virginal, now he doesn't care. he's not been with anyone for a long time, something is happening to him that he doesn't understand and he wants, just for a while, to have something familiar. so he just lets himself let go.

part of him is trying to process his sudden and dangerous attraction to michael, by going back to his "first love", safe and familiar mr allen.

roger is meaner now. if corey can be -- bringing up theresa in the way he does -- then so can he. he's been through a lot. he deserves to take it out on corey, especially when corey is offering himself up.

it's rough and roger knows it must hurt, at least a little bit, but corey doesn't slow down.

when corey sleeps with allyson, he thinks about how different it is this way around. wonders if this is how it felt for mr allen when he fucked him.

post-michael

corey has absolutely nothing left to lose. a combination of stress and past trauma and an untreated concussion causes him to snap.

after killing those kids -- those fucking kids -- and that dj and his momma, and with michael in tow, he finds mr allen one more time.

(he begs michael to stay outside, he wants to do this one all on his own)

he knocks on the door, "can i talk to you?", roger lets him in, because what's the harm.

corey says everything he wishes he'd said before, that morning when mr allen picked him up and they fucked in that empty lot.

he screams and yells and blames everything on roger. getting more and more nonsensical as he goes on. working himself up to just do it --

"-- it's all your fault, everything that happened is because of you. you only asked me to babysit because you'd been fucking me behind your wife's back and you knew i'd drop everything to help you, you knew i'd do it and - and i did and then everything went wrong and - and it's your fault and you never fucking loved me, you never --"

roger thinks corey is having a mental breakdown (which in a way, he very much is)

so he just stands there and takes it, letting corey get out whatever he needs to before he can take him home to his mom or call the cops or whatever.

corey takes a deep breath and leans forward. pulls roger to him and kisses him. it's messy and desperate. corey's hands twisted in roger's shirt.

then, so much like that first kill, corey stabs him. the blood gushes over his hand and roger gasps like he's been winded.

corey doesn't break the kiss, though roger isn't even an active participant anymore. he pulls his hand back and stabs him again. and again. and again.

he only pulls away when roger crumples, unable to hold his own weight. blood pools around corey's feet on the cream carpet.

corey wipes the tears from his face that he didn't even notice had fallen and goes back outside to find michael.

#corey cunningham #halloween ends #corey cunningham x roger allen #corey cunningham smut #this post got longgg. like out of hand long #reading this over. it is so incoherent. but i just need you all to know what is in my brain #man i just know i've forgotten something or over looked a huge point. oh well.#in saying that actually #if anyone ever wants to ask more questions or talk about corey and mr allen's clandestine love affair PLEASE hit me up #i am always ready to talk about them #idk why i'm so attached to them. probably because they exist in a very insular context in my brain #like this is an au relationship. i dont think it happens in my hc timeline of corey x michael #and theres the version where corey isnt a virgin when he meets mr allen. but hes never been with a man before #so he still has a lot of firsts and hes still satiating his daddy issues #you know what. maybe i should do a headcanons list for corey x michael too !! 👀#because who knows when i'll finally post some of my road trip writing about them lol #cunningallen

5 notes · View notes

fiepige · 7 months

Text

Made some more changes to one of my Venom!Hobie concepts (yeah I have several at this point- it's the one with the cat-symbiote lol) and decided that I'm gonna make them a Hobie-variant instead since I've made too many changes to him (both due to his origins- which inevitably would change his behavior and world view + I've made a few changes to his looks as well) to still view him as the same Hobie as the one from atsv.

So now he's a different version of Hobie instead.

(Shout out to @the-cat-and-the-birdie for sharing their version of a Hobie variant to open my eyes to the concept!)

Idk if this version of Venom!Hobie counts as a spidersona or an oc since he's based on a character from the movie?? Or is this called something else? Please lemme know I'm new to this stuff ^^'

#also idk if people would even want to hear about him since he's technically not the real Hobie anymore (if he ever was to begin with?)#cause the brain rot is still very real and I have a bunch of headcanons for him but idk if people are interested #or if I should just stick to my first version of Venom!Hobie #also I'm genuinely curious as to how I should refer to him cause I've never made a variant before #so what do you call it when you take a character and change a lot of stuff about them?#Cause it's still Hobie but not the original? Idk I'm new to all of this stuff #can I call him an oc if he's based on a character from the movie but he's different but still the same??#or is this a spidersona? cause idk how they work tbh- like do they need to be based on their creator?#cause then this is NOT a spidersona lol #I truly don't know what to call him though #cause Venom!Hobie is still the real Hobie put in some different What If scenarios regarding symbiotes #whereas this new variant has a bunch of stuff changed to a point I don't feel like he's the Real Hobie anymore if that makes sense?#also #the-cat-and-the-birdie #hope it's okay that I mentioned you in the post #if not please let me know!#also gotta come up with a tag for him cause I view him as seperate from Venom!Hobie (though their symbiote form looks the same) for now...#guess I'll call him Symbiote!Hobie for now #Symbiote!Hobie #hobie brown #spider punk #Venom!Hobie #across the spider verse au #across the spider verse #atsv #my post

1 note · View note

minkiverse · 10 days

Text

POLY!ATEEZ FIC RECS PART 1

Part 2 - Hongjoong - Seonghwa - Yunho - Yeosang - San - Mingi - Wooyoung - Jongho

A collection of Ateez fics that I think everyone should know about!!! This has been QUITE the project, but I'm so happy to have done it. Unfortunately not all my recs could fit on one post so there will be at least one other part to this list, as well as individual member lists. (i really thought i could fit them all on one post lmaooo) I hope you enjoy and support these authors!!

DISCLAIMER none of these works are mine and majority are MATURE 18+, please review all warnings before reading!!!

Key:

✨ - My Favs

🔥 - Smut (MINORS DNI)

⛈️ - Angst

💗 - Fluff

🍑 - Humor

POLY!ATEEZ

Sway With Me - @luvt0kki 🔥⛈️ Sci-fi ✧ Ongoing

the world 🤌 the story 🤌 the SMUT 🤌🤌🤌 but truly this fic is such a fun take on a sci-fi adventure. im already obsessed with the mc, AND HER AND WOO'S CHEMISTRY?!?! off the charts sooooo good like 👏👏👏 the interlude has me a tiny bit nervous because now i know how well this author writes angst and yeah its gonna be a doozy 😩😩

Wonderwall - @atzfilm ✨🔥⛈️ Yandere ✧ Faerie AU ✧ Ongoing

i realized pretty quickly that yandere is much more popular in this fandom than in previous ones i've been in, so i never really read any. HOWEVER, i get it now i do lmao. this was the first one i read, and i was HOOKED like i couldn't stop reading! the story just like took over my brain, and i am thinking why am i sympathizing with the guys BUT I AM BECAUSE THEY ARE COMPLEX AND SO INTERESTING AND WELL WRITTEN!!!!! its hard to put into words how much i love this series

The Answer - @berryunho ✨🔥⛈️ Cult AU ✧ Ongoing

i genuinely don't think i've ever read a fic like this, and i mean that in literally the best way possible. i was STRESSED reading this like there are so many scenes that make me question everything, but like there is no one to trust about what is actually happening. idk if i'm making sense but this fic just needs to be read to understand the legit anxiety it gives me in certain chapters lmaooo😭😭

Deep Down - @seventhcallisto 🔥⛈️💗 ABO AU ✧ 9th Member AU ✧ Ongoing

this is just self indulgent fun AND THAT PEOPLE IS WHAT FANFICTION IS MEANT TO BE!!! like im just kicking my feet reading about this 9th member ateez finding out she's an omega!~ i'm having the TIME OF MY LIFE!

Into the Aurora - @honeyhotteoks ✨🔥⛈️💗 Idol AU ✧ Complete

this soooo quickly became my main comfort fic for ateez! like i have reread this TOO many times. sometimes i'll just revisit specific chapters, but i know the exact chapter number.... is that concerning? lmaooo~ but truly this is more than just a you date every member of ateez fic (WHICH ARE GREAT DONT GET IT TWISTED!!) but the more we learn of the mc the more i adore her and her relationship with the boys!! it's just a must read ok 👏👏

Inception - @remedyx ✨🔥⛈️💗 Dragon!Teez ✧ Royalty AU ✧ Ongoing

my brain is still stuck in this world tbh, like its maybe a bit embarrassing how many times i look at the map and moodboards and just vibe and think about this fic lmaoo! but honestly the world building is so thoughtful and its so easy to just immerse yourself in it which is amazing!!!!!!!

Dragon from the Window - @thelargefrye ✨🔥⛈️💗 Dragon!Teez ✧ Fantasy AU ✧ Ongoing

this collection of one shots, drabbles, headcanons, and world building i went through SO QUICKLY I WAS IMMEDIATLY OBSESSED. i am so genuinely invested in this story and how each member react to their connection with the mc!!!! ALSO the mc is a witch SO BIG BONUS POINTS!!!!~

like the moon - @sunmoonjune ✨⛈️💗 Warrior AU ✧ Clan Systems ✧ Ongoing

try not to cry challenge - FAILED, MULTIPLE TIMES 😭😭 this is major hurt/comfort, but its truly such a beautiful story!! i would do anything ANYTHING for gray!!!!! all of them deserve the absolute best in the world and i just adore them so much 🥹🥹🥹

Morning Mist - @mint-yooxgi ⛈️💗 Dragon!Teez ✧ Yandere ✧ Ongoing

another story with an mc that is just 🤌🤌🤌 like she is so badass i'm in love but also scared lmao,, but i think if you are new to yandere, this is a good starting point! like yes they are obsessed but not like terrifyingly so if that makes sense~

MULTIPLE MEMBERS

This Night Together - @honeyhotteoks ✨🔥⛈️💗 Yunho x Reader x Mingi ✧ ABO ✧ Ongoing

listen i'm a bit of a slut for ABO fics and this one!!!! THIS ONE IS SO FUCKING GOOD!!!!!!!!! im like just in love with all of them not just yungi n reader but EVERYONE (except u minseok u bitch) like not only is the main plot so good but the side plots for the other members is just incredible,, i just love this story too ok if you see this author know that every fic they write is going to be a comfort fic for me 🥹🥹

Project Omen - @atzfilm 🔥⛈️ Hongjoong x Reader x Wooyoung ✧ Hybrid AU ✧ One Shot

Bouncy - @hongism 🔥Yunho x Reader x Jongho ✧ Mechanic AU ✧ One Shot

splish splash - @atozfic 🔥San x Seonghwa x Wooyoung x Yunho x Reader ✧ Swimmer AU ✧ One Shot

sharing is caring? - @byuntrash101 🔥Hongjoong x Reader x Mingi ✧ Idol AU ✧ One Shot

Untitled - @orgverse 🔥Seonghwa x Reader x San ✧ Idol AU ✧ One Shot

Untitled - @cheollipop 🔥San x Reader x Wooyoung ✧ One Shot

Threesome with Yungi with woosan watching - @k-hotchoisan 🔥Yunho x Reader x Mingi (San and Wooyoung) ✧ One Shot

one more rep - @cheollipop 🔥San x Reader x Wooyoung ✧ Personal Trainer AU ✧ One Shot

blue bird - @seonghwaddict 🔥💗San x Reader x Wooyoung ✧ Mafia AU ✧ One Shot

What's the Time, Mr. Wolf - @starlitmark 🔥Yunho x Reader x Mingi ✧ Hybrid AU ✧ One Shot

the good friend + the better friend - @byuntrash101 ✨🔥San x Reader x Mingi ✧ Idol AU ✧ Two Shot

as a sangi bias this fic changed my life maybe?!! the smut is just toe curling ESPECIALLY PART TWO!!!!!!!!!!!!! literally i could drool just thinking about this fic 🤤🤤 i need this to be my reality ASAP

Untitled - @ja3hwa 🔥Seonghwa x Yunho x Mingi x Reader ✧ Business (?) AU ✧ One Shot

knockout - @igbylicious 🔥San x Reader x Wooyoung ✧ Boxer AU ✧ One Shot

Untitled - @sanspuppet 🔥Hongjoong x Reader x Seonghwa ✧ One Shot

Untitled - @thetypingpup 🔥San x Reader x Mingi ✧ One Shot

Time of Love - @desayunho ⛈️💗 San x Reader x Wooyoung ✧ SMAU ✧ Complete

compromise - @cyberpxnk 🔥⛈️ Seonghwa x Reader x Yunho ✧ College AU ✧ Soccer AU ✧ One Shot

Untitled - @cheollipop 🔥San x Reader x Wooyoung ✧ One Shot

cheerleader - @byuntrash101 🔥Seonghwa x Yunho x San x Ming x Reader ✧ One Shot

from eden + Pt. 2 - @atzfilm 🔥⛈️ Seonghwa x Reader x Yeosang ✧ Vampire AU ✧ Two Shot

whichever way - @igbylicious 🔥💗 San x Reader x Wooyoung ✧ Neighbors AU ✧ Ongoing

Under the Comforter - @thelargefrye 🔥Seonghwa x Reader x San ✧ Idol AU ✧ One Shot

Double Trouble - @kitten4sannie 🔥 Wooyoung x Reader x Jongho ✧ Hybrid AU ✧ One Shot

What Should We Become? - @sluttywoozi 🔥💗 Yeosang x Reader x San ✧ One Shot

like a dream - @cheollipop ✨🔥💗 Yunho x Reader x Mingi ✧ One Shot

this is like so incredibly hot, literally all i need in life is to be in between these two men 😩😩😩 but it is also so sweet and both boys are so doting to the mc and the end!!!!!!!!!! so loving and cute and aaaaaaaaaaaa 😭😭😭

SCENARIOS/TEXTS/HEADCANONS

ateez as royals who fall for you (hyungs, maknaes) - @eightmakesonebraincell 🔥⛈️💗 Royalty AU ✧ Scenarios

subby ateez - @seventhcallisto 🔥Headcanons

Ateez cumming too soon - @sluttywonwoo 🔥Headcanons

soft cuddles with ateez - @beenbaanbuun 💗 Scenarios

first kiss with ateez - @beenbaanbuun 💗 Scenarios

Ateez and pussy slapping - @kitten4sannie 🔥Scenarios

Bedroom Mishaps (hyungs, maknaes) - @seohwang 🔥💗 Scenarios

Ateez 'n free use - @seventhcallisto 🔥 Scenarios

Cupping their Cheeks - @yeorisanaxox 💗 Scenarios

Ateez as Exes + Pt. 2 - @kisshwa 🍑 Texts

Friends to Lovers Headcanons - @kpopnstarwars 💗 Scenario

boyfriend!ateez discovering you write smut - @eightmakesonebraincell 🍑 Texts

Ateez being overstimulated (hyungs, maknaes) - @ateezscupid ✨🔥 Scenarios

listen i just like sub!ateez a lot 😭😭 but like these are such a go too for me when i NEED some dom!reader content like it is so cute/hot/toe curlingly delicious 🤤🤤🤤

mtl of who would like choking - @sxcret-garden 🔥 Headcanons

texts when they think you’re asleep - @beenbaanbuun 💗🍑 Texts

#ateez #kim hongjoong #park seonghwa #jeong yunho #kang yeosang #choi san #song mingi #jung wooyoung #choi jongho #ateez fic recs #fic recs #ateez smut #ateez angst #ateez fluff #ateez x reader #fic rec masterlist #in celebration of chellateez week 2~~#merengue makes lists

1K notes · View notes

attleboy · 6 days

Text

okay so it's been a bit... sorry about that??? ^-^; here's a quick doodle dump to make up for it with a brief (for me) explanation of where i've been at the end <3

some things that were meant as ask responses but i never felt like posting

scattered bits from a lore headcanon comic i have no plans of finishing... set when jax first joined and ragatha was still new, before shit happens (queenie abstracts) and things got worse for them...

idk i like thinking about the possibilities and i like it when characters start out hopeful and get it beaten out of them so i'm giving jax and ragatha that treatment in my head :)

here's the "behind the scenes" stuff i mentioned in the second of my raggedy ann tadc crossover posts

and here's me giving pomni varying levels of a hard time

old aggie board stuff

one of my first ragatha and pomni drawings on the left (nov 2023) and a lil redraw on the right.... (mar 2024) pls... don't mind my old ragatha design i didn't know what i was doing

and for those who like my sona, doodles inspired by the mafia roleplay/au(?) that's been around... not actually part of it, but i was part of a mafia roleplay myself back in 2020 so idk, consider it an acknowledgement of my roots :D

OKAY so where i've been... well at first it was a normal break, but then i figured i'd extend it until finals were over so i wouldn't get distracted! probably should've given some warning but ehhh i got busy fast and getting to go off grid for a bit was relaxing :)

anyway i'm all done so i'm back more or less??? still fatigued from studying for weeks straight so idk when i'll pick up the pen again but that'll be soon i hope... and bc i drafted this before it was posted YES i've seen the episode 2 trailer!!! very cool i'm very excited!! gonna try and get ep 2 hype art out before it drops!! :D

#missed you silly people in my computer i hope you are well :)#the amazing digital circus #tadc #pomni #jax #queenie #kinger #ragatha #sona art #my art

338 notes · View notes

gh0st-t0wn3 · 2 months

Text

I finally had time to make proper designs for the Trio!

Redson: Ver 1

Ver 2

I couldn't decide on if I liked it better with the braids or not so I just posted both, but anyways!

I gotta admit, I used to not like the idea of redson having Bull features (except for a small pair of horn maybe) but the concept really grew on me and now I really love it and wanted to try making my own design and I'm really proud with how it turned out.

I would've added more scars, since Guanyins throne pierced his entire body, but there came a point where it just looked like there was too much going on so I had to get rid of a few scars to tone it down, so we're just gonna say they faded over time, okay? Okay.

I also made him Miao (one of the largest ethnic minorities in southwest China) on PIF's side, and Mongolian on DBK's.

The Miao ethnicity of China has a long history, rich culture, and an ancient folk religion. Adorned in beautiful traditional clothes, possessing natural talent for singing and dancing, they live in uniquely designed indigenous architecture, which I think fits perfectly with how I imagined Princess Iron Fan and with her; Redson.

As for DBK being Mongolian, I saw someone else talking about this headcanon and I just liked it so I decided to use it, I don't really have a specific reason for it, I just thought it fit, not sure why though, it's just one of those things that makes sense even if you don't know why, you know?

Mei:

I made her taller and gave her a long dragon tail (like really long, it drags along the floor if she's not holding it up), though her scales are pretty much everywhere across her body they're most noticeable on her shoulders, thighs, and face (they're a bit hard to see in this photo because they're kinda hidden behind her hair, but I did give her scales beside her eyes)

I also gave her horns these little spiral designs around them, gave her sharper nails, and designed her ears to look like coral, since she's a water dragon and I thought they looked cool.

Honestly idk what else to say about her design, I didn't have anything specific in mind when designing her, I kinda just had to wing it, but I'm happy with how it turned out :)

(I also made her Bengali, on her dad's side, but it's not really important or has any reason behind it, just a headcanon I've had for a while, don't know where it came from though)

MK:

Alot of people have speculated that the monkey form we see during the fight against Azure in season 4 isn't MK's full form yet, that we're just seeing a fraction of what he's yet to become, based on the fact that while he has the weird side burns, the tail and the face marking, he also lacks a natural skin tone, they didn't give him a proper nose etc, so I wanted to play with the idea.

I decided to make him this strange mix between human and monkey, leaving him pretty much human with the addition of his tail(s), and weird li'l monkey feet.

(I was also gonna give MK more arm/leg hair, it was in my first sketch, but I forgot to add them when I was doing the line art and didn't realize until after I saved it as a jpeg, so that's my bad, but I'm gonna add it in to any other art I make)

It's also a bit hard to see in this, but I designed his staff with more details, specifically adding dragon-esque imagery to the Golden ends, this is because (for anyone who's new to the fandom/hasn't read JTTW) Wukong's staff was originally one of the several pillars that held up the sea in the dragon palace, until he stole it and shrunk it down to use as his weapon.

I also did MK's clones :)

Porty MK:

I gave him stripes of coloured hair and gave his tails all different colours, though I don't think he would actually dye it, instead I like to think that he would use that really crappy dollar store spray in hair dye (or hair chalk). I kept the fishnet clothes that I added in my originally design of him for my headcanons post, and decided to give him striped elbow length fingerless gloves.

I also gave him a cropped shirt, ripped shorts and these weird fingerless glove-esque shoes for convenience, since regular shows seem like they would be uncomfortable.

Edit: my dumbass forgot Porty's stupid print jacket 😭

Artist MK:

For Artist MK I gave him overalls and a jacket over it, which he wears specifically for when he's doing paintings so he doesn't ruin too many of his actual clothes (I know I said that this was inspod by Circusapple, which it still is, but this is almost exactly what I wear when I'm painting too, just in different colours).

I also gave him those gloves that digital artists wear so they're hands don't accidently trigger something on the screen because everyone knows that every artist just walks around with their art glove on even when it's not necessary.

Delivery MK:

I have to admit, I was never a big fan of MK's work uniform just being his regular clothes with a work jacket thrown over it so I wanted to try and make him look a little more professional and decided to instead give him a chef coat (similar to the one Pigsy wears on the show as well), with a logo for the restaurant on the chest, along with it I gave him plain black pants, since casual red jeans didn't seem very professional (I know he's just a delivery person, but if you were to look at pretty much any food corporation, even people who do deliveries have to wear uniform, so it's always been kinda strange to me that he's just in regular clothes).

The shoes were harder to make professional given the whole "half-monkey" thing so I opted to give him the same strange fingerless glove-esque shoes for comfort and convenience, but made them plain black as well.

#lego monkie kid #fanart #lego monkie kid red son #monkie kid red son #lego monkey kid fanart #red son #lego monkie kid mk #lmk spicynoodles #lmk mk #hong hai'er #lmk mei #lego monkie kid mei #monkie kid mei #long xiaojiao #qi xiaotian

330 notes · View notes

shmolish · 1 month

Text

AN: Def seems like the person to deny being sick, and act like a little bastard, and not take medicine, and just act whiney and clingy

Sick! Shadow Milk Cookie x Reader

Oneshot (headcanons below)

Warnings: idk, just a silly little post of our favorite trickster ☆☆☆

-Sick-

"Shadow Milk, you have to take the medicine or you're not going to get better!"

"I already told you- It's gross and I don't wanna!"

This back and forth had been going on for who knows how long.

You see, Shadow Milk had caught a cold, and you have been trying to get him to take medicine to recover. The only problem was, he was being a stubborn little brat.

"And I'm fine! It's just a cough. I'm not even sick-"

Oh, and there was that too. He kept insisting that he was fine when he clearly wasn't.

"You threw up an hour ago."

"That's unrelated."

You frowned.

"If you don't take it then I'm going to become sick. You would want that, right?"

He glared at you. "I don't like how you're using your own health against mine," he'd say.

"Fine, give it here," he reached his hand out for the bottle of medicine, to which you happily gave him.

Then he began to gulp it down by the bottle-full.

"MILKTHATSNOTHOWYOURESUPPOSEDTOTAKETHEMEDICINE-" You'd scream out in mild panic.

"Just be grateful I'm even taking it in the first place!" He'd hiss.

He finished the entire bottle.

"This stuff tastes gross. I don't know how you normal people do it," He'd stick out his tongue, and you would snatch the now empty bottle from his hands.

"That's because you're not supposed to drink all of it."

"Yada Yada, rules aren't really my thing, doll. Anyway, am I like.. not sick anymore?"

What a clueless, loveable, idiot.

"...No. You have to wait a while,"

He had a disgusted look on his face.

"Are you serious? I drank that whole bottle and it doesn't even cure me? That's such a scandal." He would cross his arms.

"Again, you weren't supposed to drink it all."

"Yeah yeah, my bad. Now hurry up and cuddle me. It's been much to long since I've last had you in my arms." He would reach his arms out for you, making grabbing hands and a pouting face.

"No way- I don't want to catch what you have."

He ignored your response and snatched you under the covers with him.

You were really stuck now. You both know that if Shadow Milk wants something, it's his. And in the current moment, he wanted your attention.

"If you do end up getting sick, then I'll be the one to take care of you."

It was going to be a long week.

Headcanons ☆

Runs around the house to avoid taking medicine

Denies being sick, even though he sneezes like every five seconds

Refuses to rest

Will get abnormaly warm, but will still complain about being cold

Will cuddle you in the night and you're legit overheating

He says sorry but doesn't do anything about it

Either takes all of the blankets from you, or puts ALL of the blankets on both of you

Either way, he uses all of the blankets

Ten times clingy, but he insists its for 'no reason in particular.'

Gets so whiney and needy

If he doesn't have your attention 24/7 he screams

Will 100% use his sick status to avoid responsibilities

Still a flirty bastard

If he ever seems to get randomly better, he'll say it's because of your love

One time has attempted to start an... interesting doctor and patient role play

You shut down the idea quickly and he wouldn't stop nagging you about it for the rest of the day

210 notes · View notes

raven-at-the-writing-desk · 3 months

Note

I don’t know if you already wrote about this so forgive me if this is a repeat question but, what do you think about Leona’s depression? I feel it’s pretty obvious in game and yet it’s always glossed over as him being ‘lazy’ idk but I don’t find many talking about his really shitty mental health with any seriousness.

Surprisingly I haven't addressed this (at least not in detail)! So thank you for bringing this to my attention; I definitely feel like I've heard people (especially Leona fans) discuss this quite frequently. If you look in the right places, you’re sure to find insightful commentary on the subject! I know I certainly have, but I've yet to say my own piece on it yet.

Now, before I actually get to actually rambling, I want to preface this post with a few points so we can walk in knowing the perspective I'm coming from. Analysis isn't a "one size fits all"! My experiences and background will color the lenses through which I view Leona’s mental health.

First and foremost, I usually don't go out of my way to claim, "this character has X condition" beyond what is outright stated or implied in canon. That does NOT mean that I disapprove of fans who may have their headcanons that say otherwise or project onto or relate to characters' mental health. You can consume the media you like however you want! I am just saying that I don't have this preference so I feel somewhat uncomfortable speaking on this matter.

Secondly, I am trying to approach this situation from a very clinical viewpoint (as I do have knowledge in this area). This means that when I look for “implications” or read between the lines, I am doing so as objectively as I can. It’s how I choose to process and understand characters from a health angle. This does not mean that my opinion is certain; you could very well find someone else in this area that gives you the opposite opinion. As always, I warn you that my response is for fun, it is NOT meant to be taken as medical advice.

Lastly, PLEASE READ THE ENTIRE POST before you comment or share your own thoughts. I'm up for having a discussion, but I ask that you not do so without getting the full context of my thoughts. It’s a lot of information, and I did my best to break it down in a way that (I hope!!) is easy to understand.

CONTENT WARNING: due to the nature of the question at hand, I will be discussing or mentioning potentially triggering topics such as ***depression, suicidal ideation, dieting, homophobia, and substance abuse.*** Please look away if you are not in the right headspace to read about such topics.

Okay, let's rip the band-aid off now: I don't think Leona is clinically depressed.

Pause. Rewind. Take note of my careful wording there: clinically depressed. I don't think Leona is clinically depressed. What does that mean, and how does that relate to "being depressed"?

I think when people describe Leona as "depressed", they commonly mean that he "has depression", not that he is just feeling sad or has low self-esteem. By "having depression", I'm going to assume they are referring to "major depressive disorder", which is the technical term for the condition.

"It's just an abbreviation of the longer term. What's the issue with using 'depression'?” you're probably wondering. “You understand that we mean major depressive disorder.” Well, equating the two does NOT a diagnosis make.

Mental conditions such as major depressive disorder are documented in a handbook known as the DSM (or the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders). The latest version, the DSM-5-TR (5th edition with text revisions), was published in 2022. The DSM is a manual that sets forth criteria for each diagnosis in its pages. Of course, this includes major depressive disorder—and it may surprise you to learn that Leona does not meet its diagnostic criteria.

A diagnosis of "depression" (the term I will henceforth be using as shorthand for the disorder) is much more than having persistent feelings of sadness or hopelessness, being unmotivated/lazy, and wanting to sleep often. (I bring up these three things specifically because they are the ones I see being pointed at most frequently to “prove” the diagnosis.)

In order to be formally diagnosed, an individual must be experiencing at least 5 or more of the following symptoms during the same 2-week period:

Depressed mood most of the day, nearly every day.

Markedly diminished interest or pleasure in all, or almost all, activities most of the day, nearly every day.

Significant weight loss when not dieting or weight gain, or decrease or increase in appetite nearly every day.

A slowing down of thought and a reduction of physical movement (observable by others, not merely subjective feelings of restlessness or being slowed down).

Fatigue or loss of energy nearly every day.

Feelings of worthlessness or excessive or inappropriate guilt nearly every day.

Diminished ability to think or concentrate, or indecisiveness, nearly every day.

Recurrent thoughts of death, recurrent suicidal ideation without a specific plan, or a suicide attempt or a specific plan for committing suicide.

At least one of the symptoms should be either 1) depressed mood or 2) loss of interest or pleasure in activities they previously found enjoyable. Furthermore, the symptoms must cause what is known as "clinically significant distress", which is defined by impairment in important areas of functioning. This includes, but is not limited to, socialization, occupation, and/or education. The symptoms must also not be the result of substance abuse or another medical condition, and the individual must ever have experienced mania or hypomania.

Let’s briefly go through each criterion + additional documents and see what evidence there is or isn’t to support it:

We do not have his medical records to cross reference, so for the sake of convenience let’s assume no underlying or additional medical conditions.

We must consider additional context about family, lifestyle, etc. which can confound his symptoms. For example, as a prince, Leona has grown up having most things done for him by servants. This is what he is used to. So when we observe Leona not doing basic things for himself (getting food, doing laundry, making his bed), how much of this can we truly attribute to an underlying condition and how much of this can we attribute to Leona being accustomed to a certain kind of lifestyle?

Leona (at least from what we know of) does not experience mania, nor is he depicted as taking mind or behavior altering substances.

Of the first two criteria, Leona must fit into one: either 1) depressed mood most of the day, nearly every day, or 2) markedly diminished interest or pleasure in all, or almost all, activities most of the day, nearly every day. These depend on how you interpret his actions and behaviors. Personally, I don’t think Leona strongly fits into 2 because he still has an interest in his hobbies like Magift/Spelldrive and playing chess (though his involvement in it varies depending on the context). I will concede that there is stronger evidence for 1 over 2, as Leona has definitely expressed sadness and despair regarding himself and his future prospects. It is these thoughts that drive him away from home and keep contact with his family at a minimum. It is these thoughts that prevent him from seeing himself as worthy or even capable of change—a sentiment he shares in book 6, when he encourages Jamil but does not grant himself the same kindness or optimism. For this reason, we will go with the first criterion.

He has not experienced notable weight loss nor gain, nor a notable increase or decrease in appetite. Regarding his general diet, Leona has expressed a preference for meat and rejects vegetables. This by itself does not really provide any useful information in of itself; many people have this preference.

Leona does not experience a slowing down of thought. He is still very sharp and quick-witted in responding to his surroundings, especially in potentially dangerous ones, and coming up with an appropriate plan to counter. It can be argued that Leona has had a reduction in physical movement, as many characters often make remarks about how they perceive him as lazy or not doing much. However, this criterion actually refers to the speed at which one completes an activity and as far as I know, Leona is not said to be moving sluggishly, he only conducts himself in a manner that can be described as "lazily elegant". Even if we stretched the definition to encompass long-term goals he is putting off (like graduation), this criteria is still not counted for Leona since the wording used in the DSM-5-TR states “slowing down of thought AND reduction in physical movement” must be present. In other words, both must be true, not just one of them.

Leona does seem to experience some level of fatigue or loss of energy. This could be one way of interpreting his desire to sleep excessively instead of tending to more meaningful matters (like class). Fatigue, in this case, can also refer to emotional or mental fatigue. The sleep, then, can serve as a means of escape from reality for Leona, but it does not indicate actual physical tiredness. Rather, the tiredness can be intangible. This is also a potential explanation for his lack of motivation when it comes to some activities, especially those that demand him to take charge.

Leona does appear to experience feelings of worthlessness, though perhaps not excessive or inappropriate guilt. In fact, I would wager Leona does not demonstrate the latter, although this could be attributed to the fact that we are not in his head and he does not open up to others about his feelings. For example, we still don't know what his feelings are on almost killing Ruggie in a fit of rage. This does not discredit this criterion though, as the wording in the DSM is “feelings of worthlessness OR […] guilt” meaning one or the other suffices. It is no secret that Leona seeks recognition for his skills—something he was denied as a child and even put down for. While he is aware of his strengths, he has moments when he doubts himself (stating that he can’t change, or giving up when he realizes his plans won’t work so what’s the point in trying?), the contributions he can make (even when his older brother reassures him he can help their country), and encouragement from others (Jack telling him his play inspired him).

As I've said before, Leona does not have a diminished ability to think or concentrate. It has been shown to us time and time again that he doesn't do schoolwork not for lack of trying or lack of understanding, but because he thinks of himself as above it. Leona has already been tutored by the finest teachers royal money can buy, so he believes there is not much else for him to learn. He is also not shown to be indecisive--he can make decisions very quickly and can guide others or at least convince them to go along with him.

Leona does not have suicidal ideation or have recurring thoughts of committing suicide/death. While it's true that this is a game rated for ages 4+ (and therefore has restrictions on what content is and is not allowed in it), TWST has demonstrated to us that there are ways to imply suicidal ideation and other dark themes without explicitly saying it. (One notable example is Idia in late book 6, where he drops lines like "I'll go with you" and expresses dissatisfaction with "this world" to Ortho, who is known to be dead. To this, Ortho reassures him and encourages him to keep living. In fact, I could go on a whole tangent about how Idia better fits the criteria for major depressive disorder, but we're not going to get into that here.) The fact that TWST does not really imply this about Leona makes me think this is not true of him.

It can be said that the symptoms Leona does have are clinically significant, as his behavior is shown to have significant impact on his studies to the point where he was held back a grade. This was not because he did not know the material, but because he failed to find the motivation to attend class and to do his assignments. It also appears that Leona didn't really make an effort to work toward his future until book 7, when he actually talks his internship plans and about wanting to graduate.

We may guess that the symptoms persisted for two weeks or more (given Leona’s history and involvement in the main story), but the frequency of the symptoms is unclear since the game controls what we see of Leona and what we don’t.

Taking all of that into consideration, Leona does in fact exhibit depressive symptoms, but only 3 at most (I say “at most” because we have no idea about the true frequency at which some behaviors occur; we aren’t with Leona 24/7, nor has he reported it to us) out of the 8 total criteria. That’s 2 short of a diagnosis.

“But wait, there’s a lot of information missing here! We don’t have medical records, his weight and appetite changes, etc.” That’s true—but see, the main issue I take with diagnosing fictional characters in the first place is that we oftentimes do not know a character in detail enough to understand the full scope of their lives and symptoms. Noticing a few details is one thing and valid to an extent, but to evaluate an individual is not purely observational. This is particularly true for TWST characters, as even though there is plenty of content to refer back to for behavior, there is still a lack of really going into daily activities or deep feelings (beyond the one post-OB flashback for the OB boys). We cannot observe their behavior extensively. Because of this, tons of key criteria may not be visible to us from the audience’s perspective, let alone a medical history or other data to consider for assessment. We will almost always have an incomplete profile of a fictional character. Health is holistic and not entirely based on what we as individuals see or on all anecdotal evidence.

Just as health considers all parts of the individual, we, too, must consider individual cases of depression. It is possible for depression to exist without a diagnosis—many people (especially older adults), unfortunately, go undiagnosed for their condition. At the same time, it is possible for Leona to have depression which manifests in an atypical way. Each person with depression presents differently than the last, so I so not intend to make any blanket statements about the general population with this condition. The only statement I am making here is that based on my own interpretation of the current lore TWST has granted is, Leona Kingscholar does not satisfy the criteria for a formal clinical diagnosis, at least not for major depressive disorder as is defined by the DSM-5-TR.

Interestingly, Leona does fit the diagnostic criteria for a subclinical form of depression in a 1994 version of the DSM (IV). Minor depression or minor depressive disorder, colloquially known as “everyday depression”, is defined as having 2–4 depressive symptoms persisting for more than 2 weeks. One of these symptoms must be either depressed mood or loss of interest. It should be noted that this terminology is no longer recognized, as new information is added and dropped from the manual all the time. The information is flexible based on the consensus of a panel of hundreds of experts. Older versions of the DSM can be horribly outdated and it is not advised to reference them over newer ones. (As an example, "homosexuality" was legitimately listed as a mental illness in the very first version of the DSM. Yikes. Thankfully, this was dropped from the DSM-II. Other conditions like "multiple personality disorder" are granted new names like "dissociative identity disorder" or reworked altogether as our studies and understanding of mental health and science improve. It is important to keep up with the research coming out and update our approaches accordingly.)

We do not currently have a label for Leona’s situation aside from perhaps experiencing depressive episodes (periods of notable sadness lasting under 2 weeks) and exhibiting some depressive symptoms. I must stress that just because we lack a full-blown diagnosis, it doesn’t mean that it doesn’t impact his life. Leona is shown to very clearly be struggling with his mental health. He spends a lot of time in bed, typically cannot be motivated to attend class or do complete assignments, and has moments where he thinks very lowly of himself in spite of the confidence he exudes to others. What's more is that because Leona does not speak to others about what he's going through, it comes off as laziness or arrogance to his peers. Think of it this way: if you have a bad day and snap at a stranger or an acquaintance, the stranger/acquaintance is far less likely to grant you grace or forgiveness for your behavior compared to, say, a friend. They are not as familiar with you, so they will have less patience and are less likely to consider what you may be going through on a personal level. This also applies on a fandom level; if a fan is not actively reading between the lines, they, like Leona's peers, may miss the depressive symptoms he is displaying because they aren't looking for it. How many people can we say are close friends with Leona for him to open up to them about his circumstances? I would say Leona barely even lets his own dorm members be intimate enough with him to let them know about this part of himself. He has Savanaclaw backing him, but he probably does not talk to the mobs extensively. Ruggie is his errand boy, but I doubt Leona pours his heart out to him. And Jack is the newbie who did technically betray their dorm, so Leona might not trust him. Forget about people beyond his dorm. Even his family is not much better off; we've seen that Leona tends to brush off his brother's friendliness and attempts to make amends. There is no strong support system in place for him, which is tricky because Leona perpetuates it by keeping others at bay. In the light novel adaptation of book 2, Leona has an inner monologue about how he is afraid of letting others give him hope because it will encourage him to try again, only to fail another time. I imagine similar logic applies here; he is afraid of showing his vulnerable side because it might give him hope for change when he as late as book 6 expresses that he has given up on himself. I think that this is the detail about Leona most look to when they consider his mental health. The hallmark of depression is, after all, the feeling of perpetual sadness and despair itself. Most do not realize that other factors are considered.

From a clinical lens, it is not “obvious" that Leona is depressed. However, I understand why the prevailing sentiment tends to skew in the opposite direction. For the layman, it may be difficult to distinguish what is and is not clinically significant enough to warrant an actual diagnosis. Again, most will cite the same three pieces of information to support the depression reading: Leona's irritability, his unwillingness to participate, and the rejection he experienced as a child (which has now manifested as self-doubt and low self-esteem). Characters are often judged based on fans' own experiences, and this naturally comes with biases and subjectivity. Thus, some fans may project their own understanding or preconceived notions of what the "typical" depressed person acts like in their head onto Leona. This is normal human empathy at play. I believe that other fans see depression in Leona either because they experience it themselves or are familiar with someone in the same shoes. It can be difficult, and at times we can find solace and solidarity in fiction, especially if we find a character that “speaks to us” and seems relatable. That character may be Leona for some people. If you see do see him in this light or relate to his situation, I’m not invalidating your feelings. On the contrary, I'm happy that you were able to find comfort in him and that a piece of media you love can serve as a coping mechanism. You keep on doing you!

It is at this point that I will reiterate what I said at the start with a little extra nuance: I do not think Leona clinically depressed BUT I do believe he has depressive symptoms and poor mental health as the result of his cumulative circumstances. It is possible for him to have major depressive disorder, but we cannot determine this for certain with the information available to us right now. We are still missing several key components that would typically be considered in the evaluation process.

I think it's important to step back from focusing on labels and instead focus on the individual experience, and how you can still grow as a person and not let a perceived label define you. Leona is definitely working on himself! Changing, particularly changing a deeply ingrained mindset, takes much time and effort. We may not see the progress since Leona tends to hide it and/or we have limited intractions with him. We may not always see giant strides because the process is difficult. Even so, Leona is trying to jump over those mental and emotional hurdles. He's putting his all back into Magift/Spelldrive training. He's attending classes and doing the assignments. He's going home for the holidays. He has an internship planned. He wants to graduate. I've enjoyed following Leona's journey of growth and self-development and seeing all the intense discussion surrounding that. It all comes from a place of love and wanting to support the characters we care about, no matter how we may individually view him.

256 notes · View notes

doughliciousfrosting · 5 months

Note

What was it like for your Transfem Leo to come out to her family?

Intro:

Oh my god I love this question. I LOVE ANY QUESTION ACTUALLY. Personally I've been debating on whether Leo would come out as transfem before or after Splinter's death. I've decided before for the simple reason that I really want Splinter to have a nice moment with her as her daughter yk? I guess I'd have to start off with how Leo realized she was transfem. I'm gonna be honest prior to this ask I hadn't given it much thought so I'll try my best to figure it out here right now!! If my initial headcanon for this changes I'll make an update post on it later.

Leo realizes she's transfem:

I'd imagine the turtles themselves don't really have a strong sense of gender, since not only are they turtles, they've also spent the first 15 years of their life in social isolation in the sewers. The only idea of gender they really percieve stems from Splinter, and from their perspective I imagine they kind of just interpret Splinter as a ninja and nothing else. So I think Leo initially tries her best to mimic Splinter and his behaviors. I think Leo's view on herself completely shifted when they met April, because she was an entirely new person. I think Leo at first didn't think much of it because April was human, but then when they met Casey she didn't feel the same kind of envy YKWIM?? Like Leo took one look at April and was like "idk what that is but I wanna be that." I feel like this internal dialogue came to a climax when she went to visit the tea girl from S1. I headcanon she still visits and they have cute lil tea parties lol. So the little girl says she wants to give Leo a makeover, and at first Leo is like "haha no." And the girl is INSISTENT she's like "if you don't let me I'm going to scream and get my dad over here" and Leo caves finally, she's like "OKAY OKAY 😰😰" so the girl dresses her up with what she can (obviously the little girls clothes wouldn't fit Leo who has a huge ass shell on her back LMAO) and she tries to do Leo's makeup. Leo looks in the mirror and thinks like wow.. something abt this just clicks for me. And it kind of makes Leo realize like, this is what she had been wanting since she realized there were genders outside of her rat dad LMAO.

Coming out:

April:

With this in mind, I think that Leo wouldn't exactly have a word for what she is? And frankly I don't think she'd immediately take action either. I think she'd go to April for help, and after telling April what she felt, April would be able to explain what Leo is experiencing. So I guess unintentionally, she came out to April first LMAO 😭 and after Leo realizes she might be trans she's kind of like ermrmmm what do I do abt it now.... So I imagine April gives Leo help on where to start! I think she'd recommend Leo come out to her family members one at a time (if that's what she wanted). So Leo thinks on it for a couple of days or weeks.. (Let's be honest, months). And after finally mustering the courage, she picks a sibling to talk to.

Donnie:

I don't know if this is surprising to some people or not, but I feel like Leo would come out to Donnie first. Mainly because Donnie wouldn't yell (Raph) and would be less likely to accidentally tell other people (sorry Mikey..) Since the 2012 turtles aren't as in touch with emotions as the ROTTMNT turtles, I think that it would definitely be very awkward, but Leo would try to approach it as scientifically as possible. Which serves a double purpose of not being confusing and also being a little more devoid of emotion. I think Leo would start like "you know how gender is a social construct and etc.." And then after blabbing over her words Donnie would be like "hold on are you trying to tell me you're trans?" And Leo would be like "erm.. Yas? Unless u think it's weird because then no.." I think Donnie would know what trans means bcuz Donnie studies human society and stuff. I don't think he'd know how to respond, but I think he'd def question Leo on it out of curiousity, not malice. So after a thorough interview so Donnie can collect data LMAO Donnie kicks leo out the lab is like "cool thanks sis," and that's the end of it.

Mikey:

I think Leo would go to Mikey next because I dont think Mikey would care much BAHAHA. I imagine it's just Leo pulling up next to Mikey (whos doing something like hanging out with I.C.K. or practicing skateboarding) and I imagine the convo goes somewhat like this:

Leo: "Mikey?"

Mikey: "Yeah bro?"

Leo: "uhh I'm not ur bro, I'm ur sister it'd be cool if u could call me that from now on"

Mikey: "cool sis."

Mikey and Leo: "...."

Mikey: "do I still call u Leo orrrr?-"

Leo: "Leo is fine! I have to go train now so uhh bye?"

Mikey: "k bye Leo!"

Mikey would be so unbothered I think LMAO

Raph:

I think Raph would be last, why? Because any sort of convo with Raph regarding emotions tends to be very heavy for Leo and Raph together lmao. I think Leo would STRESS OUT, after telling Mikey she 100% has to tell Raph soon before someone else says something. I think Leo would ask to speak to Raph while Raph's in his room. After knocking and being allowed inside, Leo would sit on raphs bed completely silent and withdrawn. Raph would realize the serious atmosphere and give Leo his full attention. After a little awkward silence, raph would get over it and I think the convo would go something like:

Raph: "Whats up leo? You kinda just made urself cozy in my room. "

Leo: "I..... need to talk to u abt something"

Raph: "well yeah I figured that much"

Leo: "right...."

- more silence -

Raph: "so?? -"

Leo: "Raph. Do you hate girls"

Raph: "WHAT???"

Leo: "WAIT NO THATS NOT HOW I MEANT TO ASK THAT"

Raph: "are u asking me if I'm gay???"

Leo: "NOOO NO NO I'M ASKING ABOUT ME"

Raph: ".... Are *YOU* gay???"

Leo: " WAIT NO.."

Raph: "cuz it's fine if u are this is just a rlly weird way to say it"

Leo: "NOO NO I LIKE GIRLS, THATS NOT WHAT I'M TRYING TO TELL YOU"

Raph: "SO SPIT IT OUT ALREADY!!"

Leo: *sighs*

Leo: "okay I like girls right?.. But I dont just LIKE girls, I also like um.. BEING a girl."

Raph: "huh???"

Leo: "LIKE. YOU KNOW??"

Raph: "wait so.. youre saying that youreeeee a girl?...." (Brain processing)

Leo: "yes...."

Raph: "....so are you gonna like wear dresses and tiaras now?"

Leo: "dude. Have u ever been around a girl?? U don't see April walking around in dresses and tiaras!"

Raph: "I was just asking jeez!!"

Leo: "well don't ask dumb questions!! And to answer ur dumb question no, I will not. I'm a ninja first, I don't think doing flips and Parkour around the city in a big poofy dress is very practical.."

Raph: "righttt.... so when are you gonna tell everyone else?"

Leo: *cringes* "emm I kind of already told everybody else besides splinter? ":)"

Raph: ".........."

Raph: "WHY AM I THE LAST PERSON TO KNOW!?"

-- end scene LOL --

Splinter:

I don't exactly have dialogue for this one, but I think it would definitely be the hardest one for Leo to do. I think Leo would feel like shes ruining splinters expectations of her or something yk?? So she starts off on this big ramble about how she'll always be splinters kid and she hopes this doesn't change anything. I think she'd come off as kind of hysterical so splinter would shut her down and straight up ask what's wrong. So Leo would blurt it out and splinter would 100% be accepting. I think splinter would tell Leo that back when he first named them, he assumed them all to be boys bcuz he didn't want another daughter at the time since he was still mourning Miwa and didn't want to feel like he was replacing her. Splinter would tell Leo he's honored to have her as a daughter now, and then ask if she wants another name that suits her. I personally think Leo would decline, I think she'd want to keep it because it's the one splinter gave her and she doesn't have a problem being called leonardo lolol

Conclusion:

Firstly, this was a long read so if ur still here thank u for listening to my word vomit!! Secondly, I'd like to give a disclaimer here.. **I AM NOT A WRITER** HELPMEAHSLAH I don't know if thats clear or not. I have a vague idea on how these events would go, but I can't always articulate them correctly. I hope this was somewhat comprehensible. And lastly, to the person who sent the message thank u for the asking!! This was very fun to answer and it made me give thought to something I hadn't before!

Edit: WAIT LAST THING I FORGOT TO ADD. I AM NOT TRANS!!!! So if the way I describe this experience for Leo doesn't seem right please let me know 😭😭

#tmnt #tmnt 2012 #teenage mutant ninja turtles #tmnt leo #tmnt leonardo #transfem leo #transfem leo lore #queer hcs

205 notes · View notes

ravenadottir · 5 months

Text

ok, i understand why fusebox is taking down the old app from a financial perspective, and with it the first three seasons, but if that's not the biggest shot in the foot idk what is.

there are so many people that start playing the stupid games this shitty ass company puts out there because of said seasons, so like... no. it's by far the most commented seasons in any discussions on reddit and it's still a winner when it comes to fics and headcanon posts on tumblr, like ????

i get that it hasn't been lucrative for them probably (?) but it's a stamp of what fusebox used to be and how it could improve... and that empty promise of remastering the seasons to bring it back?

no thanks, i know y'all are gonna kill some storylines like you have been doing for 3 years now, so don't bother. just take down the only seasons that are worth playing so we can just get the fuck out of here and concentrate our attention on the fics.

now, i tried playing seasons 4 and 5, couldn't go pass a few chapters because everything seemed so stupid e pointless. i was determined to get through season 5 (don't ask me what dumb title it has, i can't be bothered to remember) but like, i couldn't ???

it was so disengaging i would rather do a jakub route and cheat so i can get dumped by returning!islander than going back and trying again. i guess this is it for me regarding fusebox.

and since i'm on the subject, i have been feeling like that for a while, just waiting around for a season that is worth my time, and it hasn't happened yet. i'm over this shitty company and whatever they released after season 2, that's just it.

if you like what they did, and has been doing, good for you, i can exist on this corner absolutely hating everything and you can love it all, my problem is with the company not the people that find joy with the work they put out here (which apparently there's a bunch of evidence of AI and it doesn't surprise me in the slightest). well, that's it. that's all i have to say on the matter.

i've barely been here due to several personal life issues, and i fucking guarantee my personal life and the gossip i've been digging up from my family would make a far more entertaining game than whatever the fuck they're doing now.

i'm still gonna continue updating the fics though, and maybe eventually turn my inbox on again ?

but for now, i'm still going through a lot and time has been wasted on multiple problems in my personal life, maybe i'll expand on those on a different post because i do need to shout into the void about everything that has been happening.

this post is not nearly as articulated as it could be, but that's just me venting. anyway, carry on with your day.

#litg #love island the game #litg s2 #litg season 2 #litg s1 #litg season 1 #litg s3 #litg season 3 #i'll never be able to see lucas again????#BULLSHIT

167 notes · View notes

softxsuki · 6 months

Note

Urgent req!

I've been breaking down lately because of the urge to cvt myself . Those breakdowns usually end up with me hitting and punching myself or my walls. I've been clean for idk how long yet but was wondering if you could do a fic with Mikey and Drake related to it. Thanks !

Love your gifs btw:))

Mikey and Draken (Separate) Comfort Reader Who Has A Breakdown

Pairings: Mikey x Gn!Reader, Draken x Gn!Reader

Warnings: mentions of self harm, bloody knuckles, punching walls, punching yourself

Genre: Comfort

Post-Type: Headcanons

Word Count: 480

Summary: In which Mikey and Draken comfort you after seeing you breakdown

[A/N: Sorry for writing this so late, October was such a busy month for me. The Holiday season is so hectic BJFEA. I'm also struggling with writers block which is probably evident in my writing, but if you're still around, I hope this helps a bit :)]

Mikey:

Mikey knows first hand what it feels like to be in a bad place mentally

After all he’s lost so many precious people in his life, leaving him feeling empty

Until he met you, you were his second chance at life, and he really would do anything to keep you safe

He knows about your history with self harm and was very worried at first, scared that you’d do it again and leave him just like everyone else

But he saw how well you were doing and was proud of how far you’d come being clean

Though when you fall into those urges again, leading you to breakdown, he’s by your side

Bloody knuckles and bruises on your own body have him beyond scared, but he tries to stay calm to be he there for you

“Hit me instead if you feel that way, please. I don’t want to see you hurt, especially about something that I have no control over. Just take it out on me, I can handle it”

He’s desperate to take the inner turmoil away from you, he’d face it all if it meant you could feel better

Becomes extra clingy in the next few days until those urges cease, but just let him do his thing, he’s worried he’ll lose you, Mikey will be back to normal eventually

Everything he does, despite how suffocating it may feel at first, comes from a place of love and care for you, he’d do anything, and I mean anything to help you feel better, just tell him how he can help

Draken:

Draken catches you mid-wall punch and grabs your wrist to stop you from hitting the wall any longer, a pained expression on his face at the state of your knuckles

“That’s not how we deal with things,” He says stoically, millions of thoughts going through his mind, picking through what would be the best thing to say to you now

When it comes to you, he’s hesitant with his words even though he’s usually great with his advice, he’s scared he’ll say the wrong thing when it comes to you so he doesn’t verbally express himself often

Instead he sticks to silently wrapping up your wounds, eyebrows furrowed in concentration–he’s not mad at you, just concerned and wondering how he can help

He knows about your past and considering your actions, he assumes you’re probably struggling again, so he just hugs you

“Don’t struggle alone, come to me first before acting on your own like this, please”

He keeps an eye on you and tries to bring you around with him whenever he has to go out, in an attempt to distract you until he can help you get rid of those urges

Draken manages to stay calm and collected though which is very helpful, so I’m sure you’d feel comfortable coming to him about anything after that

REQUESTS ARE OPEN :)

Posted: 11/5/2023

224 notes · View notes

skr-mha · 1 month

Text

A few days ago on Reddit, I found this success post on a shifting subreddit. It's by far one of the most motivating posts I've read, and it immediately inspired me to try shifting again! Esp cus MHA was my first ever DR and honestly my love for it is just as strong as it was back then!

The fact that instead of just talking about scenarios that happened and just general things that anyone knows from the anime, she talks about licenses, public safety, what reality shows are like and also the reality of most common quirks is what makes this truly believable. I'm so happy I found this!

So, I'm asking if anyone else on here has similar things to share, not just stuff about the characters but the society! How the world works and how it truly feels to be there! Please share and help motivate more people! (And also please don't come up with headcanons on what could happen. It's the actual experiences that motivate the most, at least in my experience!)

Also thanks so much to Dangerous_Service674 aka Allana. Idk where you are now or what you're doing, but thank you so much for writing this and being an inspiration!! <3

(also sorry if my English is confusing at times, it's not my first language 😭)

#shifting to mha #shifting #bnha shifting #mha shifting #reality shifting #desired reality #bnha

135 notes · View notes

ghostgirl101 · 11 months

Note

hey, i really like ur writing and idk if ur working on something rn but when you can and if you want to, could you possibly write some ben drowned x reader kissing headcanons? (only if u r comfortable w/ that ofc!) ur literally my favorite writer on this app nd i literally read everything u post lol so even if u don’t do this ty anyway and have a nice day/night and take care of urself!!🩷

Kissing BEN Drowned Would Be Like This:

A/N: Sure, I'm comfortable with that; this is kind of a whole affection headcanon thing, which I've only just realised now I'm reading it over 🙃 I'm glad you like my writing, hope you enjoy this one, take care of yourself too 😀 Also, should I start making a taglist for my creepypasta posts? If you're interested, let me know.

🎮• So. If you're expecting BEN to be an absolute gentleman who asks for your permission before giving you any form of affection, or is a bit bashful to initiate it...

🎮• Haha. Sorry.

🎮• I mean, he'd never push your boundaries or deliberately make you feel uncomfortable when you guys are being intimate somehow, but he's not gonna be shy about it. That's because it takes a bit of time for him to warm up to the idea of physically coming out of the screen and materializing himself enough for you to hug him and everything safely, without getting electrocuted or whatever.

🎮• Another factor is that after all he's been through, the idea of letting himself be that vulnerable around people is a bit of a daunting one, even if it's you, someone who he's learned to trust and get close to until it gets to this point.

🎮• So, well done to you, for earning the ultimate sign of trust from this maniac virus boy. Chances are that after you hint at wanting to be able to kiss him or something, he's gonna act all teasing and dismissive about it, but what you don't know is that the thought stays in his mind after you've finished up on the computer and gone to bed. He watches you silently from the camera on your open screen (that he's insisted you keep open for him to check in on you) and lets the idea of it grow into a nice, tempting one.

🎮• So get ready for yet another burst of an adrenaline rush as BEN gives you the scare of your life when he comes crawling out of the screen as you wake up in the morning, scattering your desk trinkets and stuff all over the place in the process. BEN has very pale blonde hair in his humanish form, almost white, and even paler skin, with empty black and red eyes, sometimes glitchy... you probably know already. BEN's eyes bleed lightly even when he's not upset, but seem to gush blood when he is. But even with the whole horrifying appearance, somehow, he manages to make himself look handsome. Don't tell him, though, or he'll tease you about it and probably won't ever forget it.

🎮• When you get over the initial shock of him literally just spawning into your room, he stays completely indifferent, if not a bit amused, because isn't this what you wanted? It's not like he bites. Unless you're into that sort of thing.

🎮• BEN is a bit apprehensive at first, because, let's be real, you're his first kiss. His life was twisted into an electronic form when he was really young, and so human touch is almost a completely foreign experience to him at this point, so he will start slow. He might flinch a couple of times, but dismisses it and tells you to go on, that he wants to get used to it. And he does.

🎮• When he does, that's when you've got his chaotic bursts of affection energy to deal with. He loves catching you off guard; you could be doing anything, working or hanging around or whatever, and then he's suddenly there behind you, and you get the tiniest of electric shocks as BEN grabs you effortlessly and refuses to let go for a solid five minutes while you fidget in his glitching but strong arms and glare at him.

🎮• The first thing you'll end up doing is hugging, because he likes the feel of being close in somebody's arms in a way he didn't think he could be before. You're warm and he's consistently cold, leading to you having to slap at his hands when he slides a hand down your back or something bratty just to make you squeal and shiver. They draw out into cuddle sessions, another thing he likes, and will ultimately go soft over. There have been many times when you've managed to fall asleep in BEN's arms, and that's one of the rare times where he'll let all his guard down and fiddle with your hair or play with your jewelry or just stare at you with a newfound feeling of protectiveness and fondness.

🎮• Now for the actual kissing part 🙃 I need to say that it really isn't a first "kiss." It's the first of many long makeout sessions, because BEN will drag it out as much as he can, and then stop abruptly when you least expect it, just to be a tease and wanting more. I see it happening when you're rambling about something or other, and he's out in the real world instead of in a screen, when you realize that your faces are inches apart, and he has a blank, frustrating unreadable look on his face.

🎮• And, before you can say anything, he'll take the plunge before he can think about it any more, leaning in and brushing his lips against yours, but waiting for you to accept it and move in too. It starts off surprisingly soft and sweet, until BEN starts getting addicted to the new, intimate sensation, and tries deepening it. Then it's less sweet and more intense, and (sorry for the cliche lol) electric. He tastes kind of appley, and his lips are cold and soft. BEN will carry on going, further and further, to the point of you ending up breathless and him pulling away with a stunned look on his face. That look morphs into his usual mischievous smirk after he recovers in a few moments, and he raises a brow in amusement at your wide eyes and swollen lips, probably with a snarky little "Not bad."

🎮• After you've done it once, you're gonna end up doing it a whole lot more. There are hardly ever any proper warnings apart from BEN gradually moving in closer and being more teasing and flirty, or on sadder days where painful memories of the past come creeping back to haunt him, a source of comfort and reminder that he's still here and has another reason to be alive and basically immortal. It's not just to drive people to insanity and infect their systems with disturbing things until they crack, or whatever other motives he has. Now, there's you, someone who he's decided he needs to look out for and be with in any possible way.

🎮• Like I said, kissing BEN Drowned usually ends in suggestive makeout sessions and the like, because that's just BEN all over. But they're one way he's discovered he can show he cares, and so he'll keep doing it if you want him to, without any hesitation. Realistically, the boy is beyond touch starved, and so that all pours into the affections he gives you. To anyone else, he's a twisted, demon-like boy who makes peoples' lives hell by getting into their heads through ways they can't control, but to you and you only, he'll let himself become more and more vulnerable, until you see that really, he still was and is Ben.

377 notes · View notes

aquickstart · 4 months

Note

pls may i have some saltburn takes. i saw u liked my post abt oliver never having read the reading list and it made me giggle.

OH YES DUDE oh i Loved that post because it brings up actually something that for some reason i haven't seen discussed much. oliver's unreliable narration.

i have a brilliant, i think, genius four-question plan for making people understand saltburn, and it has worked before and i will maybe elaborate on it, but not right now. right now i'll talk about one of the questions.

who is oliver telling this story to, and why?

we've established that he's an unreliable narrator at least because it's the logical conclusion for a movie shot in a way that opens and closes with his narrative. but what does oliver being untruthful actually mean for what we know about anything and everything that happened. have you ever obsessed over this particular question. well. i have.

my hot take, first of all, is that oliver is not that smart. he's clever, but the point of the movie is that he's caught up in and driven by desire; desire, pointedly, in the moment, merging desire, adapting to circumstance and leading him on. his want is not concrete from the beginning. his want is insatiable hunger that grows.

so, okay, from the top. the whole meet-cute with felix? because of a punctured tire? eh. idk if that's true. the money thing at the bar, pretending to not have any while he actually did? eh, perhaps. chronologically he then lies to felix about his dad, and this is big, this is deliberate, this is what ties felix to him for good.

what if the first two instances were coincidences? like, felix genuinely in trouble then, oliver genuinely out of cash. makes sense to become attached and actually do something, something impulsive, drastic, when felix seems to be drifting away, and lie about his dad.

interjection: you might be saying, nadia, he lied about his family from the get-go. well of course. i didn't say he's not smart enough to clock what image of a damsel in distress felix would gobble up. i'm saying he didn't do it for the long game, because there was no long game to speak of, as narrator-oliver would have you believe. i think he wanted felix so badly in that moment of several months in oxford, i think he was so blinded that he would've said anything. and he did.

now, i've briefly talked about oliver's feelings about the invitation to saltburn, and i think this is very important here. in the moment, he couldn't possibly know what exactly this invitation could mean, in the long run, only that it is definitely the next step in progression of desire for felix. present-day oliver interjection, and i believed him, after felix said he could leave anytime, i read as a slip up, an admission that oliver didn't plan shit, or at least from the beginning he didn't. it lured him in as soon as he got there, gothic house driving mad-style. he held on to a dream of something elusive (felix as a friend? lover? forever-partner in whatever capacity? i want him so bad i don't care what he is as long as he's there? please? please?).

the other obvious hole to poke at is in the end. venetia very conveniently takes the razors he places for her, and while sure, it could be read as him just hinting at how he conveniently read her fragile state and took advantage of it, i don't buy it. (i'm honestly even tempted to suggest he met elspeth on accident, to then spin a pretty story for his own sake, but him keeping tabs on the surviving cattons all those years tracks with what we know about obsessive oliver; he's definitely known about her flat for a while.)

but those are all minor stuff. i get completely if you think i'm reading too much into it and this is all just a headcanon after all, to be fair. BUT. but.

my second big take is that oliver was/is madly in love with felix. i know, shocking. but you have probably seen people say he wasn't. i will elaborate.

i wasn't in love with him. i loved him. i hated him. what does this sound like. have you ever had a friend come to you after a breakup fuming and telling you how they'll never end up with this asshole for sure and then get back together with him and then break up and say the same thing again.

i loved him, but i wasn't in love with him. i know everyone thought i was, but i wasn't. have you never told anyone something of the sort, specifically the last part, to emphasize just how it's everyone around you that's kinda hung up on whatever it is, and you've moved way past it, actually. have you never told yourself that.

i have. i know many other people who have, too. so, who is oliver telling this story to, and why? there's no one but dead elspeth in front of him. there's no one but himself. fun fact: each time you recall an event, it distorts under the influence of the mix of past and present emotions. each time you recall, you mold memory (source, e.g., x). the way i personally see it, oliver, for whatever reason, retells the story in order to solidify his own memory of it in the way that he wants to remember it. whatever he says, this is his final word, and this is his final truth.

this is also why details slip through, like my beloved i believed him, like the emotional i hated him growing into self-convincing, misleadingly dismissive, definitely unsure i hated him by the end. those are the true emotions that he recalls, those are the times that are hard to rewrite, for whatever reason.

of course, he hated them all. but before that, he loved felix to the point of blindly following where felix's desire led oliver, at least the way oliver perceived felix's desire. it failed, crucially, when felix's desire brought them to the center of the labyrinth, where oliver could not be the desired anymore.

my third hot take in connection to this is that oliver did not know he would kill felix until the very night he did it. he didn't know it, i think, until the last hour, until felix refused to reconcile completely, until he made his blood run cold. i also briefly mention it here, specifically how farleigh is tragically connected to felix's death, in my opinion. this tracks with, again, my strong belief that oliver lies, lies and lies throughout this whole story about wanting to take everything from felix from the beginning; no, he fucking didn't. he wanted felix. he wanted felix to be his. that was number one priority. he wanted felix and whatever else came with it, undoubtedly, but not the other way around.

paradoxically, he also wanted to be felix; he wanted to be him and be with him just as us tumblr people can often relate and the tragedy is that you always have to choose. felix pushed him away, so there was no other choice but to take what was left of felix that oliver could take. hence the clothes wearing, the table scene talk, the refusal to leave.

felix chose not to choose oliver, so oliver became felix. it's his fault. felix promised oliver could leave. felix left instead. what was oliver to do.

but to your point about the books, i think it could be either way, actually. i think he could have lied about it because technically that's also in character for him, he was performing for an audience of his tutor. but i also think that he was, genuinely, a nerd before he came to oxford, and he didn't, and still doesn't, have any friends, and he hates his sisters and his mother and is miserable. he's the perfect profile of someone who'd read king james' bible over the summer, and then some, imma be honest.

so, yes. i think oliver lies about most things in saltburn and i think he's pathetic, lost, confused, grieving, angry, horny, down bad and in denial. and i fucking love him. i so fuckin do.

#saltburn #oliver quick #saltburn meta #thank u so much for ur ask. this was my excuse to finally vomit this up.#honestly i think asks are the only format in which i will actually write out all of my thoughts coherently esp the longer stuff #bc i feel obligated to answer #and when i dont i just abandon stuff. i know all my saltburn meta. vika does. finn knows ALL of it and more. i dont feel like sharing much #when unprompted. but if you ask me?? i'll never shut up. literally never #anyway. this is it. thank u again. fun.#ask #horrorsequel #saltburn journaling

57 notes · View notes