#the way i was trying to find a happy scene for eleanor and was like………….. where
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black sails / althea davis, kinder than man
#why was this so serious for me#the way i was trying to find a happy scene for eleanor and was like………….. where#anyway the scene with her and madi in miranda’s house is one of my favourites#before they are attacked. obviously#ummm anyway hope u like this hehe#it took a lot of planning and also picking whose deaths would fit the best LOL#rip vane soz#this is like my second edit ever and it is a lot better than the first LOL#black sails#btw got these screen caps from fancaps.net!#mine#my post#black sails edit#bs edit#flint#hal gates#eleanor guthrie#bs madi#miranda barlow#john silver#james flint#tw blood#tw death#?? i guess#thomas hamilton#flinthamilton#black sails spoilers#just in case hehe
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Weekly Book Recs: 9/29-10/6
Love, Theoretically by Ali Hazelwood
I read The Love Hypothesis, enjoyed it, and didn't read another Ali Hazelwood book until now. Not because I have anything against her work; contemporary books just aren't often my main priority, and when they are, I tend to learn towards more erotic contemporaries. But this was lovely! It felt weirdly cozy, which is what I needed, I loved the way Hazelwood dealt with both the issues in academia and the heroine's diabetes, and the hero was... quite hot. Like, a stern nerd who went down on her while she was watching Twilight because he needed to "amuse himself". Which, I gotta say? Is kinda the dream. She lived the fantasy. I feel like Hazelwood is often framed as this "spicier Emily Henry" thing, and while her books are definitely hotter than Henry's, they're very much their own thing. And I personally find her messy approach (with Big Fucking Guys) a lot more appealing.
The Many Sins of Lord Cameron by Jennifer Ashley
Sometimes I forget how good a historical romance can be--like, not just fun, but a special kind of good that makes me feel warm and happy and comforted but also amused and entertained and emotional. I love the first two books in this series, The Madness of Lord Ian Mackenzie and Lady Isabella's Scandalous Marriage; and I also love this installment, about a rakish Scot who's actually a horse girl/Single Dad Trying His Best and a seemingly innocent (but seriously complex) widow with a penchant for theft. It's passionate, it's fun (God bless the scene where Ainsley just begins jacking Cameron off at the opera while he presses his head into his hands to hide how badly he is losing his miiind) and it takes some turns I didn't expect. It's more character than plot, and it does that very well. Heads up before reading: there are fairly explicit discussions of previous domestic violence and sexual assault (not against the heroine). The book actually takes a pretty different approach to this than... any historical I've read.
Hollow by C.M. Nascosta
Perfect for spooky season, this is essentially a novella-length bind-up of two short stories revolving around Sleepy Hollow and the Headless Horseman. The second story is a bit more of a conventional retelling, leaning on the romance side, with Katrina Van Tassel caught between Brom Bones and ol' Headless. It's a bit Gothic, a bit dark, and fairly spooky (and sexy). The first story is an erotica short about Ichabod Crane being spit roasted by two headless horsemen (one of which is named Brom Bones--different one) in a locker room. Yes, the heads are carried around separately. Yes, they are used. And while I enjoyed both--I would be lying if I told you my favorite wasn't... the locker room one.
The Duke's Perfect Wife by Jennifer Ashley
Perhaps my favorite historical romance in quite a while--this one just blew me away. You spend the previous three novels on Hart Mackenzie's younger brothers; he's an overprotective, domineering force in their life, determined to control the world. Here, you see him completely thrown off guard when his former fiancee and first love, Eleanor, returns to his life (not because she wants to get back together, but because someone is sending her Hart's old nudes). It's passionate, it's angsty, you have a perfect "alpha hero and the woman who sees straight through him" dynamic. Eleanor fucking owns this man, and she does so with a smile and a crook of her finger. There's also a lot of intense emotion and melancholy, a strong sense of loss and misspent youth. And like. Passion. It's really fucking good, basically, and I enjoyed everything about it.
#romance novel blogging#book recs#books#book reviews#weekly book recs#lol me reading the sins of lord cameron and the duke's perfect wife: finally some good fucking food#there's just something about a reallly good scottish historical
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Seven books about mental health
I want to share positive books, which talk about improvement and positive outcomes, hoping that these books can bring you comfort.
1. It’s Kind of a Funny story by Ned Vizzini
Craig is a 16-year-old teenager who struggles with depression and anxiety. Because of this, he decides to be admitted in the psychiatric ward of his neighbourhood, and there he meets people and lives situations which will make him think more positively about the future.
This is a hilarious book full of fun interchanges between the patients of the ward, but it also touches deep topics, like depression related effects and stories of people who are trying their best to get better, in a down to earth matter. It was made into movie, which I recommend too.
2. Eleanor Oliphant is Completely Fine by Gail Honeyman
Eleanor is a middle aged woman who is used to be alone and does not seek company, as she knows that the moment she will create meaningful connections it will be the moment in which she will get hurt. She frequently talks with her mum, altough the latter treats her coldly and constantly judges Eleanor’s actions and beliefs.
This is a novel about a person who numbed her emotions after going through trauma. It talks about post-traumatic stress disorder and the inheritance of creating meaningful connections despite the uneasiness felt in doing it.
3. Reasons to Stay Alive by Matt Haig
A book in which the author writes abour his own approach to his suffering from depression and anxiety. Through his journey he gathered some reasons for which it is worth to live in spite of a mental health condition, and he writes them in this book to invite others to reflect and help them in their own journey.
4. Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert
Although in this book there’s no mental health condition specified, this is a real story of a person who mentally hit rock bottom after a divorce and picked herself up. The author opens up completely about days spent crying, her seeing no happy future for herself. Through a journey that will take her through three countries, she finds herself again. There is also a movie on this, but, in my opinion, it does not reflect the depth of the book.
5. The Choice by Edith Eger
This is my absolute favourite. Edith Eger is one of the survivors of the Holocaust, and she tells the story of how her childhood was stolen by being deported in a concentration camp. But the book does not stop here, and Edith goes on describing her recovery from the traumatic experience and her willingness to become useful to others in the treatment of post-traumatic stress disorder. She describes how she saw hell and from it she learnt how to use her pain to serve others by becoming a psychologist. She’s a great, inspirational woman.
TW: being the Holocaust the subject of this book, the story contains some crude scenes.
Have a look at Edith Eger website:
6. The girl who dated herself by Susannah Shakespeare
This is a novel about a girl who learns to love herself after a breakup. After the separation, she realises she never loved herself the way she deserved and starts doing things alone, from going to the cinema to having a fancy dinner.
This is a book about self-love and how it is good and healthy to want to spend some time alone.
7. The curious Incident of the Dog in the Night Time by Mark Haddon
This is a novel about a boy on the spectrum of autism and how he deals with it through seeing the world as a mathematical problem that needs to be solved. In the story, he finds himself involved in a mystery to solve, which starts with a dog found dead in the neighbour’s garden.
This book describes well the struggles of someone with autism and how their vision of the world is different, but this doesn’t mean worse.
Please let me know if you have any book recommendation for me, I'd love to hear your suggestions!
Marimeia :)
#mental health blog#mental health#positive mental attitude#healing#self care#book review#bookshelf#books#bookblr#bookish#books recommendations#book reccs#book recommendations
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The scene I always think about from anything you've written is from NYFBM, when all the boys find out Louis is dropping out and leaving school. I reread that fic every once in a while and that scene always gets me like no other
TURNS OUT that writing a fic that's so fiercely a single POV fic about depression can fuck you up if you're already in a bit of a bad place!! Who knew!! But hey, Louis gets support and he gets his friends back and he gets Nick, so we're all good in the end.
(Not Your Fault But Mine)
"You're giving up," Harry says fiercely. "You're running away."
"No," Louis says. He shakes his head again. "I've tried. I've tried all term. I've tried not to get bad marks and I've tried to hang out with you lot and I've tried hanging out with your friends and none of it has fucking worked, okay? I'm so tired. Sometimes you just have to fucking realise you're in the wrong place at the wrong fucking time, with the wrong people."
"We're not the wrong people," Harry says, and his voice catches. "Fuck, Louis, how can you think that?"
Louis fakes a smile. "It's all right, Haz. We had a great year last year, didn't we? Fucking ace. All of us. The five. Won't forget that in a hurry."
~~~
"I kept trying," Louis says. "Over and over. I don't know why the things I want aren't the things any of you want anymore. I don't know why I could do fucking English last year and I can't do it this year. I don't know how to be okay that you've all moved on without me."
"You're my best friend," Harry says. "The best one I've ever had in my life."
"I've missed you so much," Louis says, before he can stop himself. "I miss you."
"I'm right here," Harry says, and he moves Louis' laptop out of the way so he can press himself to Louis' side. "I'm right here."
It still feels like he's a million miles away.
"Don't go," Harry says, arms around Louis' shoulders. "Please don't go. We'll fix this. We'll make you happy again."
Louis is jolted by that. People keep telling him he's sad—Eleanor, Zayn, Harry—but it doesn't seem like the most important bit to him. "I want to go home," he says, and he wants to cry again, and he's felt like this for weeks. He wants it to stop. "I don't want to be here anymore. I want to go home. I want my mum."
Harry hugs him harder at that. He kisses Louis' cheek. "All right," he says, and his voice shakes. "All right. We'll get you home."
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Ok please do not feel pressuredto answer loads of these
You can do like a few
And if you want to do more you could reblog later
Andromeda - Describe your main characters
Aries - Share a line that you’re proud of!
Cassiopeia - What’s your favorite scene so far?
Draco - Who’s your favorite character to write?
Hydra - Tell us why you love your project.
Libra - Which relationship dynamic do you enjoy writing the most?
Pyxis - Are there any major themes or messages you’re writing to show?
Ursa Major - What scene are you looking forward to writing?
Writer Asks:
Canis Major - Do you like writing character-driven stories or plot-driven stories?
Pavo - Where do you get inspiration from?
Phoenix - How do you develop your ideas?
Virgo - Describe your favorite tropes.
I am so sorry I am very indecisive
i did all of them anyway! because i have no chill and i like them
andromeda: doing this one for death and taxes! Nathaniel Ash is a rich man's son who is by day an engineer for the spaceship and by night a mysterious & suave theatre performer for the upper class. Winifred Storm is a politician's daughter who is, on the surface, perfect--and is, underneath the surface, about to absolutely snap.
aries: Sometimes, there is no deus ex machina. Sometimes, there is no last-minute change of heart. Sometimes there is just a boy with a gun, a girl with a bomb, and a single choice to be made. (from DAT.)
cassiopeia: hmmmm ever? I think my favourite scene (that i've written--i have ones in my head i'm super excited for) is, probably... this scene in GFW2 when the magic in the air makes everyone's thoughts audible. aaalllll their thoughts. it shows you what all these characters are feeling, what they're trying and failing to repress. (It's also the first hint that Tasya, a character who wasn't nearly as important in book 1, has some hidden sides to herself.)
draco: Corey :D
hydra: i'll do this for Secret Wip >:) . i love it because it's this epic-scale high-stakes fantasy, and i'm having much fun with the magic system. (Plus, i'm having a good time figuring out the characters.)
libra: it's hard to pick, but i think either Charlie & Eleanor (from rose librarians), Tasya & Rowan (from GFS), or Oliver & Corey. I can't really describe why, I just Like Them and their dynamics.
pyxis: in GFS, i just kinda want to show, like. even if you're struggling. even if everything has gone to shit. you can still find happiness. your world is ending, but the sunset is beautiful. you're alive. In Val Saintly, I want to show that... idk. you're allowed to feel things! it's not healthy to try and not feel things. And in Oddities, I want to show that there is always, always a place for you, whether you know it yet or not. Everyone belongs somewhere.
ursa major: the scene in gfw4 where Tasya gets to break down and cry in the rain and no one judges her. she deserves it.
canis major: it depends on the story, but usually character-driven, i think.
pavo: e v e r y t h i n g . tv, movies, books, family, friends, things people say, things people wear, things people do, songs, the weather, fuckin. everything. i cannot stop being inspired. i have more ideas than i can count and idk what to do with all of them lol
phoenix: it varies, but the general way i develop things is just... get some ideas from that Inspiration that's everywhere, then keep asking myself questions about it. what if, why does, why is, who does, who is, what is, where does, etc.
virgo: i'm a diehard fantasy fan so i LIKE the chosen one. especially the twists on it, such as reluctant chosen one, evil chosen one, and chosen one who chose themself. i also absolutely adore the wise old mentor trope.
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If we had gotten more Blair pov during season five Dair, what do you think we'd see more of?
I'm not sure if this is more what we would have seen, or what I would want to see, but here goes:
a conversation between Blair and Nate about her relationship with Dan. they gave us CRUMBS of blate friendship but I want it anyway. the only people outside of Dan that she really talks about the relationship with are Dorota and Serena, and Dorota was the only one she could be happy about it with. just having Nate be another person in her corner, that not only Dan talks to (because Blair's known him longer!)
in that same vein, Blair and Dan as a couple in her mother's presence. there's only the infamous "strong and safe" scene, but let's get more! and let's get Cyrus in there! Eleanor threw a chuck-shaped grenade into her daughter's wedding, so, I want Blair to kind of bring her to task about it, with Dan there.
Blair trying to do ~girlfriendy~ things, interrupting work to buy Dan lunch, taking him shopping, trying to make him breakfast in the loft and failing so spectacularly. her trying to do a Something for him, and maybe there's a breaking point, after she sets off the fire alarm or something, and he yells bc she scared him and so she shouts at him to just let her do something nice, Humphrey, because you do too much for me! and Dan being taken aback by that and saying that he doesn't need anything from her. he just wants to be with her. another shade of the Despicable B complex, if you will.
Her staying over in the loft period. Waking up there, having Brooklyn days.
two very important dates happened while they were together, and we saw neither of them, so the first one:
it's sad. but blair's due date for the pregnancy she lost would have come around, and her finding her way through that grief and Dan being there for her and really just getting SOME form of closure for her on that front.
and, happier, Dan's birthday! said this before, but let's have a Dan's 21st birthday episode, where Blair tries to plan a whole thing and it goes terribly. like, she employs Nate to keep Dan distracted so she can pull off the surprise (maybe it's a party, maybe she's rented out a movie theater just for the two of em or something idk) and Nate gets him trashed and there's all sorts of tomfoolery trying to bring the boys to heel.
you could also go the angst route with a tswift all too well ten minutes version with blair completely missing dan's bday due to chip related complications if you like Suffering
Her finding out that Dan hasn't told his sister that they're dating, and Blair being offended and going on the attack, and then realizing his very reasonable reasons why, and her taking some kind of step to make amends to Jenny.
anyways, that's kind of my wishlist!
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My Peak TV Journey: *The Sex Lives of College Girls*/*Never Have I Ever*
I have always been intrigued by Mindy Kaling, even as her work out put has been inconsistent. I liked and even loved good chunks of The Mindy Project, but it could be wildly uneven, from the development of who would be in the ensemble to how much it satirized the romantic comedy versus playing it as one. I was disappointed that her next sitcom, Champions, only had one season. I was mostly frustrated with her film, Late Night, (though by now that’s far enough in the past that I don’t retain strong feelings). Which I guess is one of the reasons that I didn’t get around to her current shows, Never Have I Ever and The Sex Lives of College Girls until recently. It’s also why I am still surprised by how much I like both of them. I agree with this Slate article that posits that Kaling’s sensibilities work better for young adult/coming of age stories than adult romantic comedies, and I am really happy with the results.
I watched The Sex Lives of College Girls first and it is a fascinating show. The four main characters, suite mates Bela, Kimberly, Whitney and Leighton are all well drawn. I believe in their culture clashes, I like how financially sensitive the show is, and all the ways in which they are in the midst of difficult transition. Kimberly’s downward spiral was the most prolonged and painful story, and didn’t really have the types of highs that the other’s did to balance it out. I found myself the least sympathetic to her, while having to admit her story was otherwise well written and played. Whitney’s affair with the assistant coach was rough, and the most problematic, and I hope that there isn’t much left next season. I did, however enjoy her bonding with the soccer team, the budding age appropriate romance with Canaan, and her relationship with her mother. I loved comedy nerd Bela, her boundless enthusiasm even in the face of sexism, racism and harassment. Her willingness to start from the ground up when the comedy magazine she wanted to work for proved hopelessly corrupt was a joy to watch. I think I ultimately felt most for Leighton and her discomfort with labels. Sure she’s awful and spoiled and expects corruption to be everywhere and work for her, but I get not wanting to make an aspect of your personality the focus of your life even as there are plenty of societal reasons why it also seems like a necessary moral stance. I’m excited for the second season.
Even being really impressed by The Sex Lives of College Girls did not prepare me for how delightful I find Never Have I Ever. I even love the much criticized John McEnroe narration. When he compared the lead character Devi dating two guys to when he one championships in singles and doubles at the same tournament I flipped. I love how relatable he finds most of her outbursts. Devi is such a joy. She’s bold and has an interesting mix of confidence and insecurities. Sure she’s self absorbed, but no more than is normal for a teen. (I also think trying to shame teens for their perceived self absorption possibly does more harm than good. At least it did for me.) The ways in which she plays off of all the people in her life are all uniquely interesting. And what an ensemble! I especially love her mother Nalini and cousin Kamala. Her best friends, Eleanor and Fabiola are on their own teenage odysseys and I love that for them. I even like the love interests Devi. I generally like the scenes between Devi and Paxton better than the ones between her and Ben. Ben is the more developed character, but just seems like it’s easier to enjoy spending time with Paxton. I did read a lot of people’s reactions to the triangle. I think there are a lot of well written metas out there. I’m not going to engage. I just love the opportunity to see teens burn their lives down and rebuild while being funny.
#Peak TV#Mindy Kaling#the sex lives of college girls#never have i ever#Never Have I Ever#TSLOCG#NHIE#Kimberly Finkle#leighton murray#Whitney Chase#bela malhotra#devi vishwakumar#Nailini Vishwakumar#Kamala#paxton hall yoshida#Ben Gross#john mcenroe#fabiola torres#Eleanor Wong
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I just finished reading The Starless Sea by Erin Morgenstern and wanted to ramble off some things i liked and stuff. spoilers ahead, yeah
I don't usually *intend* to read most books, merely stumble into them, and this book was no exception. Eerie, that I found a protagonist (Zachary) that mirrored me so exactingly: numbingly passive, a bookish hermit gamer, totally into silver-fox-likes. Double eerie, that Zachary stumbles into a book that mirrors him so well as well. Inception.
(In fact, that darkness portion in the book before Zachary meets Simon? Where Zachary almost sciccumbs to a retelling of his deepest insecurities? Hit just a bit too close to home. Get out of my head, Morgenstern)
Anyways, that's enough about me. As for the story itself, I adored its book-about-a-book themes. The interwoven stories that all came together like a patient thread pulled taut? The idea that everyone has a story they carry around near their heart? It's inspiring to see such an ode to the art of storytelling. And an ode to the natural world as well: animals in the story aren't just set pieces, but heralds of change (owls) and also just downright adorable (The Kitchen).
I feel that Dorian's and Zachary's romance had more potential for impact, in my opinion. Between Zachary doing fetch quests for most of the story's first third and Dorian either being drunk or poisoned for the story's second third, I feel like they could have more time to interact organically (although to be fair, I would also immediately fall in love with a smokey-voiced mystery man). I also think that the resurrection scene at the end could have more heartfelt moments in it. But I also get that it's best for the integrity of the story overall if they kept their romance to side-story engagement levels, because that's what it is: another story among many in the waters of the Starless Sea.
That being said, I'm also the kind of guy that enjoys the B-plots more in stories anyways. Kitchen, I love you and would read a whole nother novel about those silly little bees. Innkeeper. I would kill for an anthology of your chance tavern encounters. Simon and Eleanor's story being based around time-warp shenanigans was interestingly executed. et cetera et cetera
Overall, for this being my first Morgenstern book, it was a perfect first encounter. It renewed my appreciation for literature and I am always happy to be surprised by a gay romance, however contrived (affectionate). Maybe fantasy is a bit above my pay grade, or at least the way Morgenstern writes fiction, so I think I'll try to diversity my reading portfolio a bit more before diving back into her other work.
Anyways, here are some of my favorite quotes that I'll shore with you before you all wreck my face in the notes for my bad takes:
“All this has built up around it. One child's invented world has became another's , and another's, and so on until it is everyone's world.”
“’I think people came here for the same reason we came here,’ Dorian says. “In search of something. Even if we didn't know what it was. Something more. Something to wonder at. Someplace to belong. We're here to wander through other people’s stories, searching for our own.”
"You have no friends. And all of this is a fabrication. Your brain's feeble attempt to preserve itself. Telling itself a story with love and adventure and mystery. All of those things you wanted in your life that you were too busy playing your games and reading your books to go out and find. Your wasted life is ending, that is why you are here.”
“You are words on paper… be careful what stories you tell yourself.”
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Why Ben and Devi are Endgame (Meta)
At the heart of every rom-com, it always comes down to this: what does the protagonist truly want?
Why Devi and Paxton Don’t Work
In the season 2 finale, Devi triumphantly says “So, I guess I'm Paxton Hall-Yoshida’s girlfriend now”. She got what she thought she wanted at the start of her journey, only it’s not what she wants anymore.
Although Devi cares for Paxton, she views him as a status symbol. Paxton, for all his growth, still sees himself as cooler than her. And no, he was not just embarrassed because she cheated on him. Before he knew she was cheating, he invited his friends on their first date and refused to call her his girlfriend. In the finale, it once again takes someone else to point out that he shouldn’t blow her off. As Devi and Paxton walk into the dance, he gives his friends a sheepish look while they judge him. Not only does he still have lingering feelings of embarrassment, his friends’ reactions suggest turbulence ahead for their relationship.
There is also a lack of communication between Paxton and Devi. They have a magical kiss by the window, and makeout sessions afterwards, but they don't actually talk about their relationship in that elapsed time. Devi makes the assumption that they are together and Paxton doesn’t articulate what he wants until it is forced out of him.
What can we conclude from this? Paxton is a great character, but he is not the one for Devi. They have differing interests and goals, a lack of communication and they do not see each other for their true worth.
Can the writers surmount all of these issues to give them an endgame? Yes, but it would require fundamentally changing who Devi and Paxton are.
Why Devi and Ben Work
In episode 1 of season 2, Devi wants to pick Ben but her friends talk her out of it. This is crucial to understanding why they belong together: her gut instinct has already revealed the truth. She had both guys vying for her and she wanted Ben. Just by this one fact alone, we can infer that Devi’s relationship with Ben was more meaningful to her than her pursuit of Paxton in season 1.
When it’s revealed that Devi is two-timing the boys, Paxton is hurt but Ben is devastated. Paxton likes her, but Ben connected with her on a deeper emotional level. Devi follows Paxton out of the party, which is understandable because he is the one walking away. Again, this is cleverly hinting at their communication styles. Paxton wants to avoid the situation and Ben wants to talk about it. From Ben’s perspective, Paxton is the guy she has wanted for so long and he is the second choice.
Throughout the season, Ben never considers the fact that Devi could want him over Paxton, which is equal parts sad and infuriating. Her therapist asks what she wants more than anything and she says Ben. In context, it’s a comical line, but it’s also Devi revealing her truth. Like she does at the beginning of the season, she makes a choice and it’s Ben. She pursues Ben romantically before Paxton even though Paxton is the one more willing to forgive her.
It takes Ben longer to forgive her, and yet he is still there for her when she needs help. The little things he does like give her advice about Aneesa and make her feel better about Paxton’s rejection all show Devi’s ability to be vulnerable with Ben.
As an aside, they had the opportunity to show Devi being vulnerable with Paxon but didn’t take it. In episode 8 of season 2, Paxton sees Devi crying and she reveals that she got into a really bad fight with Eleanor. I was thinking: here it is, here is the moment that Paxton finally helps Devi with her problems... but no. His response is “seems like you’re in a fight with lots of people” and the conversation quickly shifts to her apologizing and helping him yet again. Devi is able to open up to Ben and be supported by him in a way that she can’t with Paxton.
Before I talk about the finale, which is arguably the biggest point in Ben and Devi’s favour, I want to look at the season overall. The entire story arc is Ben and Devi wanting to be together but constantly running into roadblocks in the form of Eleanor/Fabiola, Paxton and Aneesa. It was so alarmingly obvious they belonged together after season 1, that the writers had to find ways to forcibly separate them for the time being. It’s important for Ben and Devi’s relationship that she dates Paxton first. If she had been allowed to go for Ben, they would have had to explore Devi wondering what she missed out on. When Devi and Ben do get their happy ending, it will be because Devi has realized that Paxton is not the person for her.
In the finale of season 2, we get 3 crucial scenes from Devi and Ben. The first is the bathroom scene which reaffirms Devi’s ability to be vulnerable with Ben and his ability to support her (something she doesn’t have with Paxton). The second is their tension-filled scene at the dance where they longingly stare at each other. This directly contrasts the scene in episode 8, where Devi tries to reframe her mindset and stop seeing Ben as someone she is attracted to. Here, it becomes apparent that she is unable to stop thinking about him in a romantic way despite actively trying.
The third scene is basically Eleanor saying “you dummy, she wanted to choose you!”. The writers intentionally reference the pros-cons scene from episode 1, re-affirming that Devi wants Ben. The only reason they are not together is because he is not an option.
Then we get the line “it wasn’t always him”. Many Devi and Paxton fans believe her choice was Ben, but he took too long and now it’s too late. But when has it ever been too late for a main love interest in a rom-com? Mindy Kaling is a rom-com savant, and she knows as well as I do that it’s only ever “too late” for douchey guys who do not acknowledge the self-worth of the heroine. That’s not Ben though, he has always seen Devi for who she is.
The heartbreak on Ben’s face is infinitely worse than Paxton’s voicemail at the end of season 1, although these scenes are meant to parallel each other. Devi and Paxton are two people who like each other but do not work as a long-term relationship. Ben and Devi are two people who work as a long-term relationship but never acknowledge their feelings for each other at the right time. It’s a tragedy just waiting to be rectified in season 3.
Season 3 Predictions
Now that I've given my analysis on why Devi and Ben are meant to be, here are some predictions I have on the Devi-Ben-Paxton love triangle for season 3.
Fabiola/Eleanor will be the ones to help Devi act on her true feelings for Ben. This one is a no-brainer for me. After sabotaging their chance to be happy in the first place, Fabiola and Eleanor will decide that they want their friend to be happy and set things right. It will also parallel Ben mending their friendship in season 1.
Paxton and Devi will have some sweet moments in the first half of the season, but not without their issues. The lack of communication and their respective status (the way they view each other) will cause them to fight. They will break-up mid-season, but the ending will leave hope for reconciliation.
On that note, I do not think they will kill the love triangle. Even though we will likely see Devi confessing her feelings for Ben and saying that she wanted to choose him all along, this is still a TV show. Contentious love triangles = buzz and money.
Ben and Aneesa will break up by mid-season, but probably earlier. Ben will find it hard to be in a relationship with Aneesa as he grapples with his feelings for Devi.
Ben will be a pillar of support to Devi as she navigates how to be a girlfriend. It’s the classic trope of the guy helping the girl win over the man of her dreams, only to realize that the person she wants is right in front of her.
Devi and Ben’s friendship and lingering feelings will culminate in an epic finale confession and kiss. Everything that they were unable to say to each other last season will be spoken aloud in season 3.
Ben and Devi are soulmates, drawn to each other and unable to avoid their feelings. I can’t wait for them to take over my life again next year.
#benvi#ben x devi#ben gross#devi vishwakumar#nhie#nhie season 2#never have i ever#never have I ever season 2
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Baby’s First Heartbreak
pairing: marvel cast x teen!fem!reader, Scarlett Johansson x reader, Elizabeth Olsen x reader
prompt: the youngest member of the marvel cast experiences her first breakup.
warnings: not much—crying, a break up.
A/n: Tom is 19 here because this is set during Civil War. He was such a baby omg🥺
You were always a firm believer in having hope. No matter what the situation was, you knew that you had to at least try before fully giving up. You were only 18, but it was the mindset you grew up with. You were taught to face things with bravery and confidence, you faced things head to head with all your might. Though some things never went the way you planned, you were still the ray of sunshine you were, all bright-eyed and bushy-tailed, eager to learn and explore the world.
You had the same mindset going into your first relationship. Love was something you’ve always wanted to experience. Sure, you received it from your friends and family. But you wanted the different kind of love. The special one that was shared between two people. The one that made your heart skip a beat and made you breathless. Where staring into that special someone’s eyes felt like you were being transported into another world where it was just the two of you.
You’ve found that kind of love in a boy from your hometown. The two of you had been friends since pre-k, growing up along side each other, and being there for each other’s success and failures. You’ve known him all your life but the feelings didn’t come till sophomore year of high school. It all just clicked all of sudden; that one day where he said you looked cute in his jumper and the next moment you knew you were seeing him in a new light. Junior year, you were both beating around the bush; constantly pining over each other with longing stares and fingers always brushing against each other. Though you didn’t see him all the time due to your job as an actress. You spent half of the school year in your hometown and the rest at Atlanta. Of course he knew of your job and as much as he hated to see you go, he knew you were doing something that made you happy. So he spent as much time as he could with you before your time together came to an end. A few days prior to your flight to Atlanta, under the night sky of your backyard, he admitted his feelings for you. By senior year, the two of you had been dating for half a year. It had been the best moments of your life, you were in love and high on happiness, it was like nothing in life could ever go wrong.
Now here you were, in your trailer on the set of Captain America: Civil War, sobbing you eyes out. You knew loving could hurt, but not this much. You still felt your heart skip a beat, but it was clenching in heartache. You were still breathless, but because you’ve been trying to catch your breath after every sob that wracked your body. You felt broken. The boy you loved had ripped your heart out of your chest and threw it onto the floor, stomping on it till it stopped beating.
You hiccuped as you stared at yourself in the mirror. You were nothing but a fool. A fool who had hope in something that was never going to work. You sniffled as you snatched tissues out of the box on your bathroom sink, dabbing the material onto your eyes and blowing your nose. Your eyes were red and your cheeks were puffy. A sigh of frustration releases from your body. There was no way you could walk onto set without people asking you what was wrong.
You debated asking your assistant to ask your designated makeup artist to do your makeup in your trailer, you didn’t want to be a bother. But your thumbs were already shamefully typing away the request on your phone. A few minutes later Eleanor, your makeup artist on set, arrives at your trailer with her supplies in hand.
She doesn’t directly question you, but she has the look of a concerned mother once she sees your face. You lie to her and tell her you weren’t having a good day and chalked it up to being homesick.
You dreaded going on set. You weren’t sure if you could face anyone without bursting into tears. The moment you felt like you were okay, your heart would clench, reminding you of the ache it was feeling.
You were in your costume, sitting on the sidelines of the set while you rehearsed your lines. The dialogue from the script acted as a distraction from the current pain you were feeling. The tears had stopped but your eyes felt dry, making you blink multiple times to keep them wet.
“Hey, sweetheart.” You look up and meet the stunning blue eyes of Chris Evans. That typical goofy smile of his was etched onto his features. Usually you would reciprocate that smile, but today you just couldn’t find it in your heart to do so. His smile falters when he sees your face.
“Morning.” You greet him, forcing a smile. Concern shadows on his face as he shifts a bit closer to you. “You alright?” He asks, eyes softening at you. Being the youngest of all the Avengers cast members, everyone had a soft side for you. Especially Chris, who saw you as a daughter.
“Y-yeah, I’ve just got—allergies.” You lied, another fake smile forcing itself onto your lips.
“Well have you taken something to help your allergies? Do you need Allegra? Claritin or something?” He looked around ready to call one of the runners on set to get you some meds.
“No! I took some already, a few minutes ago! It probably hasn’t kicked in yet.” You tell him. He eyes you reluctantly, not knowing if he should believe you. He decides to let it pass and nods, “Ok, tell me if you need anything though.”
You hum in response and tilt your head down back to your script.
The day goes on and everyone had caught on to your lack of—being you. The infamous smile everyone knew you by was barely on your face. You didn’t crack jokes with Anthony or share a giggle with Elizabeth. Instead you were quiet, a frown was on your face as you stared blankly at the floor. You didn’t interact with anybody, keeping to yourself and walking off set whenever one of the Russos called cut.
Anthony and Sebastian watched as you walked off the set. You have all finished a sequence of the airport scene and the Russos had given everyone a break while they rewatched the scenes they shot. Anthony’s brows furrowed while he watched your figure go further and further away. He had tried to cheer you up, telling you a joke about how Seb’s arm lube kept leaking out his fake arm. Your response was nothing but a fake laugh—it wasn’t even a fake laugh, more like a huff of laughter.
“She didn’t laugh at my joke.” Anthony thought aloud. Sebastian quirked an eye at his friend, “Does she have to laugh at all your jokes?”
“No, but even if I tell her a corny ass joke, she’ll still laugh at it.” He expressed, throwing his arms up. Sebastian’s lip pouted as he thought back to your behavior on set. You were acting unusual. He turns to Tom (Holland) and asks, “Hey, has (y/n) said anything to you? Like anything bothering her?”
The Brit shakes his head, “Um, nope. Besides filming, I haven’t spoken to her today.”
Anthony crosses his arms, approaching Tom, “Have you tried speaking to her? We’ve been trying to figure out what’s been going on with her today and you’re the closest to her age here.”
“I—I tried to talk to her, but she didn’t seem in a talking mood. I thought I was bothering her so I just stopped.” Tom answered. He gestures to the direction of the trailers, “I could check up on her right now? Maybe I’ll get her one of her favorite snacks from crafties, it might cheer her up.”
Half of a smile makes it way onto Sebastian’s face at the boy’s efforts. Though you were clearly upset and he felt like they were all prodding at your privacy. “Maybe we should give her some time alone.”
Tom frowns at the older man, “But (y/n)’s upset. Shouldn’t we do something?” Anthony agrees with Tom and looks at Sebastian.
Seb raises his hands up in defense, “I’m just saying—maybe she wants to be alone. She went back to her trailer away from everybody. She probably doesn’t want us shoving our noses into her business, we should respect that.”
Chris joins the group along with Scarlett and Elizabeth. He had overhead the group talking and urged the two ladies to join him in on the conversation.
“You guys talking about (y/n)?” Chris asks, hands on his waist.
“Yeah, Seb says we should leave her be.” Anthony fills him in.
“She told me she had allergies.” Chris starts. “She’s an amazing actress, but kid’s gotta work on the lying.” He finishes. Elizabeth and Scarlett glance at each other.
“Well has anyone talked to her at all today? Besides Chris?” Elizabeth asked the group. Everyone shakes their head. Elizabeth sighs while looking around at anyone else who could’ve talked to you. She spots Eleanor hanging along the sides with her makeup belt on, ready for touch ups. Elizabeth calls her over. Eleanor has her brush ready to powder her down, but Elizabeth politely declines.
“You do (y/n)‘s makeup right?”
Eleanor nods, “Yeah, I do.”
“How was she this morning? We’re just a bit concerned since she’s been acting different today.” Eleanor sighs, knowing if she told them it would be an invasion of your privacy. Although, they were all concerned for you and so was she.
“I got a text from her assistant telling me to do her makeup in her trailer today.” She began. “I walked in and her eyes were red, cheeks puffy—“
Chris apologizes and interrupts her, “Because of allergies?”
Eleanor shakes her head, “No, she never mentioned anything about allergies. But she looked like she’s been crying. She was wiping her face when I arrived.”
“Did she give you a reason for why she was crying?” Scarlett questions her.
“She told me she was feeling homesick.” Eleanor answered. Scarlett turned to Chris and shared a look. Elizabeth thanks Eleanor then turns back to the group.
“We need to check up on her.” Anthony says. All the men nodded and began to make their way to your trailer. Suddenly, they were stopped by Scarlett and Elizabeth.
“But (y/n)—“ Tom said pointing to the trailers. Scarlett shakes her head, placing a hand on his shoulder.
“Lizzie and I will go. You guys are gonna overwhelm her with all your questions.” Scarlett insists, much to the men’s dismay. They wanted to be there for you, but maybe a mother figure might help you open up with what’s bothering you. They agree and let the two women go to your trailer. Before they can get to you, they get some snacks from crafties for you.
As soon as you shut the trailer’s door behind you, the tears welled up in your eyes again. It only took a matter of seconds until they fell from your eyes and down your cheeks. You heard some people walk by outside and cover your mouth to muffle the whimpers that came out your mouth. You slid down the door and shoved your head into your hands. You leaned forward against your knees as you cried into your arms. You felt pathetic, embarrassed, anger; you were feeling so many things and the only way to let them all out seemed to be crying.
They heard your cries from behind the door. Scarlett sends Elizabeth an alarmed look as she rushes up to your door. She knocked on it repeatedly, causing you to jump from behind the door. Your cries come to a stop while you try to wipe away the tears as best as you can.
“(Y/n), honey, please open the door.” You hear Scarlett say. You remain silent, getting up and dusting your legs off. You stare at the door, debating whether you should open it or not.
“(Y/n), everyone’s worried about you. We just want to help.” Another voice coaxes you behind the door. Elizabeth. “Please let us in.”
Outside, the two women had their ears pressed up against your trailer’s door. Scarlett tries to get you to open the door again, “It’s only me and Lizzie. I promise.”
There was some shuffling heard behind the door. The door pushes open slowly, making Scarlett and Elizabeth back away. A worried expression appears on Scarlett’s face once she sees you. She cups your cheeks, her thumbs gently swiping away some tears that fell from your eyes. The two of them shuffle inside your trailer. You burst out into tears once again when Scarlett wraps her arms around you. She moves you both to sit on the couch that was in your trailer. She lets you shove your head into the crook of her neck while her hands smoothed your hair. Elizabeth sits behind you rubbing circles onto your back. Your cries broke both their hearts. You were a fairly happy girl, to see you in such pain and heartache was hard to watch.
Scarlett rocks you back and forth, trying to calm you down by whispering comforting words into your ear. She presses a motherly kiss onto your forehead once she sees you start to calm down. Elizabeth waits patiently beside you waiting for when you’re ready to talk. When your whimpers turned into hiccups, Scarlett pulls your face away from her neck to look at you. She frowns when she sees your tear stained cheeks.
“Are you going to tell us what’s going on or are you going to keep bottling it up to yourself?” She asks you softly, tucking strands of your hair behind your ears. Elizabeth chimes in from behind you, “You know, sometimes it helps to tell others what’s bothering you. You don’t have to keep it to yourself, (y/n), you could talk to us.” She gathers your hair together, splitting it into two parts as she began to fish tail braid your hair. 
You take a moment to compose yourself before eyeying the two women. You knew you could trust them. Scarlett was like your on-set mom and Lizzie was like one of your aunts. If you could tell anyone on set what was going on, it would be them.
“He broke up with me.” You confess, eyes trained on your lap. Lizzie’s fingers stop braiding your hair, “What?”
“Peyton, he broke up with me.” You whined, not wanting to say it again. You fiddle with your fingers while a tear falls to your lap.
“Oh honey.” Scarlett cooes pulling you back into her chest. You sniffle and wrap your arms around her torso. Silently crying into her shoulder.
“Did he give you a reason why?” Lizzie asks softly. You move away from Scarlett’s hold and lean against the couch with your knees to your chest. Lizzie wraps an arm around your shoulder for comfort.
You glanced at your phone that was on the coffee table, “H-he texted me earlier this morning. He said he couldn’t do the long distance thing anymore and that he has feelings for somebody else.”
Anger flashes in Scarlett’s eyes, “He broke up with you over a text message?” You nod in response.
“What a dick.” She mutters glaring at your phone. It’s quiet for a few minutes. Until you ask them, “Am I not worth trying for a long distance relationship?”
Lizzie shakes her head, “No, don’t you ever think that because you are.”
You sigh and throw your head back, “Then why did he break up with me? Is there something wrong with me? Am I not pretty enough?” Scarlett interrupts your questions by shushing you.
“There is not a damn thing wrong about you. Don’t you ever let a man, let alone a boy, make you question your worth.” Scarlett advises you a stern look on her face. “You are the most sweetest and loveliest girl I have ever met in my life. You’re kind, you care about the people around you—you even laugh at Anthony’s stupid jokes.”
Lizzie snorts beside you and squeezes your shoulder, “And his jokes are the worst.”
Scarlett continues, “You are a talented young woman already making it big in the movie industry and you did it all on your own. You are beautiful inside and out. You’re perfect, there’s nothing wrong with you.”
“Then why did he leave me?”
“Because he’s an idiot that doesn’t know your worth.” Lizzie answers resting her head on your shoulder. “I know it hurts now but these things happen for a reason. He wasn’t meant for you and you weren’t meant for him. Maybe somewhere in the future you guys will meet and try again. Or maybe you’ll move on with someone new. That’s just how it is. It may sound harsh, but it’s the truth.”
Scarlett nods at Lizzie, “Take it from me, I’ve been married twice. When it seems like you found that special person, sometimes it’ll all come crashing down. And it’s not an easy thing to go through. It’s full of pain, heartache, self doubt and a bunch of other heart wrenching things. But in the end you come out a stronger version of yourself.”
You stare at Scarlett, “How did you do it?”
Scarlett softly smiles at you, “Well, I had lots of friends who supported me every step of the way. But most importantly, I valued myself. I did things that made me happy and took care of myself mentally and physically.”
You bite your lip in thought as you stare at the ground.
“Listen to me.” Scarlett urges you, “You’re young, (y/n). You’re going to meet so many more people in the future that’ll bring you so much happiness and love in your life. Don’t beat yourself up over one boy who decided to leave you because he wasn’t committed for a long distance relationship. You’re going to be okay.” She assures you, cradling your face. Your lips form into a tight smile while you nod in response.
“You have us and the rest of the people outside of this trailer to support you. We’ll always have your back, whatever it is, I promise you that. You’re not going to go through this by yourself.” Lizzie promises you, taking your hand into hers. You hum and rest your head on her shoulder. You pull on Scarlett’s arm to join you and Lizzie. She chuckles and hugs you from behind.
“Thank you guys.” You whisper, genuinely grateful that you had them in your life. Lizzie pecks your temple, “Anytime darling.”
#marvel#marvel cast x reader#marvel cast x teen!reader#mcu#avengers#chris evans#chris evans x reader#chris evans imagines#Scarlett Johansson#Scarlett Johansson x reader#elizabeth olsen x reader#avengers x reader#avengers x teen!reader#Tom Holland#Sebastian Stan#anthony mackie#tom holland x reader#sebastian stan x reader#anthony mackie x reader
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Ghosts theory- “sucked off” edition
Apologies for the title.
I have a theory about how each of the ghosts in Ghosts has a parallel with another Ghost and how this could be the key to them finally being able to move on, or “be sucked off’ as Mary would say.
Putting it behind a cut as this is extremely long and rambly. Spoilers for pretty much every episode of Ghosts
First of all I was listening to Mat and Jim on the Empire Spoilers podcast and Mat said something really interesting about how he intended “you stays how you dies” to refer to the ghost’s mental and emotional state, as well as physical. So Thomas always being obsessed with seeking love is because he died broken-hearted and Fanny always being so grumpy is because she died angry at her husband.
I believe, therefore, that if the ghosts were able to overcome each of their emotional blocks that would be the thing that would allow them to move on. Furthermore, each of the ghosts has another ghost that seems perfectly suited to be able to assist them in that.
Let’s go through them:
Thomas- Thomas died believing his love never loved him back and now is forced to spend eternity seeking for love as a ghost. If Thomas was able to find someone who could reciprocate his affections, this would the resolve that issue. In the Series 2 episode “About Last Night” when Alison drunkenly tells Thomas “if you were alive and I was 200 years older, then we might have…” we hear a choir start singing and Thomas is pulled, as if compelled, through the wall, similar to how Fanny is pulled forwards towards the window to jump when she “doesn’t even realise [she’s] doing it.” Thomas desperately craves love and affection from another person, but in life was constantly rejected by the people he loved most. You know who else that sounds like? Kitty.
Kitty- Like Thomas, she is from a wealthy family who sheltered her a lot growing up, but is ultimately good and tries to be honourable. Kitty also craves love and affection as well as companionship and she tries to seek it, first in Eleanor and then in Alison (because Alison reminds her of Eleanor, like how Alison reminds Thomas of Isabelle). However it comes up again and again that Kitty’s relationship with Alison isn’t as fulfilling to her as she would like it be because her being a ghost prevents her from sharing every activity with Alison, and Alison cannot show her physical affection. Kitty is trying to recreate aspects of her relationship with Eleanor using Alison as a substitute but this isn’t very healthy for her, as it simply traps her in the constant state of seeking affection that will not or cannot be returned fully. We don’t know the exact circumstances of Kitty’s death but after Series 3, if seems likely that her sister was in some way involved. Maybe what is keeping Kitty trapped as a ghost is her need for approval and love that she never got in life? But by seeking it in people who remind her of Eleanor exclusively, she is further trapping herself.
If Kitty and Thomas could find love with each other, they could each fulfil the other’s need for reciprocated affection. They are both equally needy so this quality wouldn’t likely annoy the other. Kitty seems to genuinely enjoy high romance in earnest and in finding an outlet for her love in Thomas, she could finally move on from her sister. Thomas would also find someone to love him and could devote himself completely to someone who would actually return his love, instead of fruitlessly pursuing women who remind of Isabelle’s rejection. This could lead to the resolution of both character’s finally moving on from their deaths.
Next up, let’s look at The Captain-
The Captain’s central conflict is obviously his sexuality. I believe that the resolution to this conflict would be him finally accepting and coming to terms with being gay and feeling comfortable with that part of his identity. Which ghost could best help him in this?
Fanny.
Maybe not the answer you were thinking, but hear me out. The Captain already has a strong positive relationship with Fanny built on mutual respect. He is more likely to value her opinion as an equal that any of the other ghosts and he seems to align himself with her on most issues. Which makes his choice to go against Fanny and defend the same-sex wedding and its guests to her in “Perfect Day” really remarkable.
In “Perfect Day”, Fanny expresses some pretty disapproving remarks about the wedding guest’s attire and some homophobic opinions about the same-sex wedding in general, which prompts the Captain to defend one of the guests to Fanny. “It’s chic, it’s now, and if it makes her feel fabulous…”
Imagine a scene where The Captain has to defend himself towards Fanny in a similar manner after coming out, showing that he is finally accepting of his sexuality as being the right thing for him.
Anyway, that was a slight digression…
Fanny is still struggling to deal with the circumstances of her own death which was brought about in part because she caught her husband having an affair with other men. Fanny needs to accept and come to terms with the fact that her husband didn’t love her and that while he was obviously wrong for murdering her, she needs to move on so she can stop reenacting it by jumping out the window every morning. Because she died feeling angry and betrayed, she is trapped in that state in death. Discovering that one of her closest friends is gay and realising that it is possible for someone to be both gay and a good person might prompt her to think differently about her own life, as she started do with Humphrey in Perfect Day.
The Captain, in turn, could be driven by Fanny’s ability to accept his sexuality into thinking ‘if she can accept that part of me, then maybe I can too.’ Personally, out of all the ghosts, I think it could only be Fanny who could prompt him to think that because it would mean the most to him coming from her.
Humphrey- Humphrey died because he was trying to protect Sophie, who rejected any attempt to get to know him and who he believed didn’t even like him. In death he is trapped in a state of being a selfless self-sacrificing people-pleaser and desperately wanting to be included in the other ghost’s activities, even allowing himself be kicked and thrown around if it means he can just be involved. In ‘I Love Lucy’ he even attempts to make a relationship with Fanny work, showing he is willing to sacrifice his own happiness for the sake of others.
Julian, by contrast, is the most selfish of all the ghosts at Button House. Deep down he feels guilty that his selfishness negatively affected the relationship with his daughter but seems not to be consciously aware that he feels like this. Julian’s selfishness to not spend time with his family ultimately leads to his death in Button House, as he neglected his family to spend more time at work and was clearly cheating on his wife, showing he is driven by selfish impulses.
If Julian were to perform a completely selfless act to the benefit of Humphrey, then Humphrey would get to feel as though someone was putting him first for once and valuing him the way he seeks to be valued. Julian would also break the pattern of selfish behaviour that caused his downfall.
The rest are little less well-defined:
Pat is the probably the ghost that we know the most about, through seeing his death and actually meeting his family in “Happy Death Day”, to the numerous anecdotes he reveals about his life throughout the show. However, I can’t decide for sure what is the thing that is keeping him a ghost. Pat himself seemed to think it was that he was missing his family, but this was ultimately proved wrong after he saw them again in ‘Happy Death Day’. Even meeting the boy who killed him and forgiving him in ‘Perfect Day’ didn’t cause him to move on. It could be something to do with Carol’s affair with Maurice but I just don’t know for sure. I like the idea of him fitting in with the plague ghosts. I think his personalty and leadership style would get along better with them than say, The Captain, who is too authoritarian. I also think Pat is someone who thrives in a group setting.
Robin and Mary are also tricky to work out what the thing keeping them as ghosts is because we know so little about their lives and deaths compared to the other characters. I think these are the only two ghosts who have not yet received a flashback to their lives. We know that Mary was in some way involved a witch-trail and this has traumatised her. Robin also has experienced a lot of trauma in his life but he seems to be more philosophical about it and accepting of it. He shows great empathy towards others both in trying to comfort Pat about his death in “Happy Death Day’ and Kitty in “About Last Night’, he could use his experience of trauma to help Mary deal with hers. They both seem to be looked down upon and ‘othered’ by the other ghosts due to their perceived lack of intelligence even though they are both very emotionally and socially intelligent.
If anyone has any thoughts about these last two pairings or any of the others, then please reblog and add your take!
I am not in any way saying that I think this is what will happen in the next series or what even I think should happen, but that this is one possibilities for much further down the road when the ghost are all ready to move on.
Also I have spent way too much time thinking about this…
#bbc ghosts#the captain#kitty bbc ghosts#thomas thorne#julian fawcett#robin bbc ghosts#mary bbc ghosts#fanny button#headless humphrey#plague ghosts#pat butcher#Horrible Histories#mat baynton#ben willbond#jim howick#larry rickard#martha howe douglas#simon farnaby
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It Started Out With a Kiss
i’d say I’m sorry for this filth but who are we kidding? more trash under the cut including speechless ben, possessive paxton and some very steamy, very public smut. also found on ao3 here.
request.
“I’m sure there’s a bed in the other room.”
Paxton’s allowed to be petty and a bit possessive as he latches onto his girlfriend’s waist and drags her behind the wall that separates them from the rest of the party and leads into the hallway. He catches Ben Gross’ eye over the duration of the evening one too many times now. The last fuck he gave flew out the window and now he dares the underclassman to pretend to stumble in their direction.
So when he hears Devi’s comment, in rather uneven breaths mind you, a laugh is bubbling against his throat. She would retract her statement the second he tells her they are at Trent’s house, and his friend probably masturbated in every single room of the house. It’s going to make his plan seem genius. His fingers skim the outline of her dress and he edges his tongue into her mouth, knowing exactly what buttons to press in order to get her in the mood. Which was more often than not because she thought about sex probably more than any girl he knew.
“No, I want you. Right here. Right now.” The firmness in his answer only weakens her resolve and soon heat is radiating off her body. Screw the party.
“Why here? We could just wait till we get back to your house?” His lips nibble on her ear and she’s struggling to find a reason to turn him down, his erection rubbing against her core.
“Guess you’re just that irresistible. It’s really your fault if you think about. If you didn’t show up looking so hot, I could concentrate on beer pong or whatever Trent and Marcus are currently trying to blow up in the backyard.”
It’s been months and she still can’t get used to the compliments coming from him. His breath is hot on her neck and just as his tongue brushes against her parted lips, she pulls back, gently lifting his head up to meet hers as she attempts to catch her breath.
“What brought this on?” She’s never seen Paxton this agitated by something, or someone before. Or this handsy.
At previous parties, he flirted sure, but in the past few gatherings they attended, they were practically attached at the hip. If Paxton didn’t have an arm slung over her shoulder or kept their fingers intertwined as Trent praised Eleanor’s latest performance, he was whispering in her ear or placing a hand on her hip. Even Zoe Maytag gave her props in the bathroom and admitted they only ever got to hand stuff and he wasn’t into PDA when he was ‘hanging out’ with her. Devi decided to save this information as future ammo if she needed it.
“I’m sorry but if I have to see Ben fucking Gross look at you with sad puppy dog eyes while blatantly ignoring his own girlfriend one more time, I might just snap. I might just fucking loose it and deck him.” The words are bitter, sharp coming off his tongue and it sends shivers down Devi’s spine. His gaze hardened, eyes getting darker, and her stomach flips, because for a moment he looks like he’s considering murder. And she would help him hide a body without hesitation. He drags his lips to bite down on her neck and she involuntarily throws her head back as her tries to suppress her moans.
“So what’s this going to prove?”
“Well what we obviously already know...That you can’t help jumping me even in public.” He chuckles into her hair as she rolls her eyes. And she thought she was competitive. Paxton and Ben took it to a whole other level. “But seriously, don’t tell me you didn’t notice the guy flaunting his relationship in front of you. It’s like he got some sick joy out of rubbing your nose in his happiness. This is a taste of his own medicine.”
“Who even says he’s going to notice or care?”
“I do. If he attempts to seek out where you went, which he obviously will, what he chooses to do after will either prove me right or you right. That he does care or doesn’t.”
Devi raised an eyebrow, throwing him an are-you-kidding-me glance before Paxton’s lips descended down on hers again. If he wasn’t kissing her lips, he was trailing his tongue down her neck, her shoulders, even her chest bone.
"Excuse me for caring. This whole longing, woe-is-me act was fine or whatever when you were both single. But he’s fucking with my girlfriend, my relationship and I’m not going to pretend to be okay with it.” Once again, his mouth was rough against her ear as leaned against her body and ground his hips against hers. While she wanted to be mad, she also found his protective nature incredibly hot and wasn’t about to say anything to end it anytime soon.
“He’s with Aneesa. I doubt he even thinks about me in that way anymore.” Devi’s voice attempts to reassure him as her fingers comb through his hair.
“I can’t say that I blame him.” His lips start trailing kisses from neck ear all the way to her cleavage, knuckles lightly kneading her breasts through the fabric of the dress. “I mean not only are you insanely hot but you’re also like the smartest person in the whole school. I just wish he wasn’t so obvious about it.”
“Is this you being jealous?” She has a smirk playing on her lips, eyes lit up in a teasing nature.
“I-”
“I just never thought I’d see the day where Paxton Hall-Yoshida got jealous. You’re usually so calm and level-headed.” Her voice falters as he starts stroking her breast, the nipple hardening under his touch.
“What can I say? When I opened my mind to studying, I learned stuff inside and outside of the classroom. For starters, noticing things more often. Noticing Ben for one, the rude comments one minute and longing stares the next.”
“Can we stop talking about him now?” Paxton had dropped to his knees in record time, lifting up her dress and practically diving underneath it, his laugh vibrating against her core.
“You aren’t wearing any underwear.”
“It’s laundry day, didn’t I mention that earlier?”
“Must have slipped my mind. Remind me to thank your mom later.” His joke only registered for a minute before he was seeking out her clit, swirling his tongue around it, repeatedly pushing against her until her legs are convulsing and she’s coming undone around his lips.
Ben’s silhouette hovers, quietly staring at the scene before him in agape. He only sees Devi granted, but it’s not just seeing his ex at a party outside of school, it’s seeing her flat against the wall, eyes closed, shallow breaths becoming audible every few seconds and seeing the way her body physically shook from whatever Paxton was doing to her. It didn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out what was going on. And Ben wanted to call out to them, sneer that this was a public place, someone’s house and if they couldn’t keep their genitals to themselves then they should just leave, but he was momentarily frozen.
Out of the corner of his eye he sees Devi’s body begin to come down from its high, Paxton rises and wipes his mouth with the back of his hand. To Ben’s horror, it doesn’t end there.
Is she giggling? Paxton just shakes his head and captures his lips with hers again.
He turns his head and meets Ben’s eyes. Devi’s lips begin to attack his neck and he moans, all the while locked in a staring contest with the captain of who knows how many fucking clubs.
This time it’s Paxton wearing a rather smug smile, something that he’s seen on Ben one too many times in History class. Well, this was his History class. One area where he would always outsmart Ben and that in itself was enough to fill him with pride. Finally Devi detaches herself from her boyfriend and gently wipes her makeup remnants off his neck.
“I should probably go reapply my lipstick.” She’s still trying to steady her legs and with a wave of nausea coming over him, Ben is reminded of a conversation that took place months ago. ‘Well tomorrow I won’t be able to walk again because I’m about to go get railed.’ And that she did.
“You don’t have to you know. You look sexy like this.”
“You may think so, but my mom? Not so much Romeo.” Devi’s playfully shoving against his chest as she untangles herself from his arms, the fingers still interlocked until the distance makes it impossible and she’s heading further down the hall towards the bathroom.
“Dude are you just gonna stand there?” Paxton fixes Ben with a hard stare, equal parts creeped out and a little high off his assumption because his point was proven. It was a win-win situation. Satisfy his girlfriend and wipe the stupid smirk off Ben Gross’ face.
Finally Ben forces himself to look away and turns the corner in a hurry.
#daxton#never have i ever#daxton fanfic#devi x paxton#daxton fic#nhie fic#paxton x devi#my fics#my writing#request#prompt
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Hi,if Liam would sing and play guitar to pregnant Riley,what song would it be?Please use the guitar of Liam's mum 😊
😭 WHY DIDN'T PB LET THIS HAPPEN???? Oh goodness. That would have been a scene I would have thrown diamonds at to get. It would have been so sweet! I doubt I can do it justice, but I will try 😭
I'm using the lullaby that was sung in a classic movie from the 1950s, Bundle of Joy. My mom is the one to give me my love for classic cinema and she had this particular movie playing often when I was little. I ended up memorizing this song along with the others in it, LOL. I also sang it to my boys when rocking them to sleep. Poor things. They were stuck with my awful singing voice. No wonder they fell asleep so quickly when they were infants 😂
Lullaby In Blue from Bundle of Joy.
@gkittylove99 @darley1101 @krsnlove @kingliam2019 @texaskitten30 @yourmajesty09 @mom2000aggie @ofpixelsandscribbles @twinkleallnight @lodberg @twinkleallnight @amandablink @neotericthemis @mm2305
Masterlist
Sweet Memories
"Liam?" Drake rounded the corner when he heard something he hadn't heard since he was little.
He saw his friend sitting outside, strumming an old guitar.
"Is that your mom's" he asked.
Liam's cheeks heated with color. "It is." He set it aside and stood up.
Shoving his hands into his pockets, he avoided eye contact.
"I didn't know you played guitar." Drake muttered.
He was curious at Liam's reaction to being caught with it.
"I learned how after her death."
Drake's eyebrow lifted. "You did? How come you never told any of us?"
Liam shrugged. "It was a way for me to hold on to her memory." His brow furrowed. "Now that Riley is pregnant, I want to pass that on to our child." He hesitated. "But I've been trying for weeks now to remember the lyrics to a song my mother used to sing to me."
He felt such guilt over this. Each day, he would tell Riley he was going for a walk around Valtoria. He had been using that as a time to practice and hopefully jog his memory.
It was eating him up inside that he couldn't remember the very song his mother would sing to him at night if he had a nightmare or felt unwell.
"Why is it that I can only recall the melody?" He raked his hands through his hair. "I wish Father was here. Perhaps he knew the song."
Drake folded his arms and tried to think back to anyone who might have heard it. "I bet my dad knew it too."
Liam sat down once more and picked up the acoustic guitar. His fingers moved over the wood as he willed his memories to come back to him.
He could see her so clearly. Her blonde hair in a neat bun. The blue dress that perfectly matched her eyes. Her bright smile as she let him strum while she made the chords.
He could almost hear her laughter when he made up silly lyrics to go along with the music she created. Her sweet encouragement that he too had musical talent.
"Do you like my song for frogs?" His six year old self had asked.
"Like it?" Eleanor reached out and gently ruffled his hair. "I adore it, dearest. I've never heard a more perfect ballad for amphibians."
"I'm running out of time." Liam explained. "In a couple of weeks, the baby will be able to hear us." He turned to Drake. "I wanted one of the first sounds that he or she heard be a song from their grandmother."
"Somebody has to remember it." Drake argued. "Maybe Maxwell or Olivia. They spent time with her too."
Liam felt a glimmer of hope. "They are supposed to arrive tomorrow for a visit." He set the guitar back in the guest house he had hidden it in. "I'll find a way to talk to them without Riley knowing."
"She doesn't know?"
"I wanted it to be a surprise for her too." Liam smiled softly. "I told her I played guitar during our date at Ramsford. She's never heard me play before. This can be something special for her and the baby."
****************
"I remember that!" Maxwell exclaimed. He hummed the rest of the tune.
"You do?" Liam felt his hope grow. " Can you remember the words?"
"Sure." Maxwell hummed the beginning. "Um...it went...hmm." His brow furrowed. "What were the words?"
Liam practically deflated. If Maxwell couldn't remember a song then all hope was most assuredly lost.
"I remember snippets." Maxwell paced back and forth. "Like, Sandman is commin and he'll be here--"
Liam sat up when those words jogged his memory. "Mighty, mighty soon. And if you don't cry--"
"He'll be dropping by with the great big lollipop moon." Maxwell belted out. "I always loved that part of the song. Who wouldn't want the Sandman to bring them a moon shaped lollipop for going to sleep?"
Liam strummed along, repeating the words Maxwell had remembered. He stilled at not recalling any of the others. "How does it begin? Or for that matter, end?"
Maxwell sat down beside him. "It'll come back to you." He patted Liam's back. "Just keep at it."
****************
The next day, Liam took a walk with Olivia.
"I've been digging around some more about Bradshaw and Isabella. Nothing concrete yet, but it never hurts to have something on them." She told him.
Liam wasn't overly concerned at the moment with the monarchs wanting an alliance with Cordonia. "Do you remember my mother's songs she used to sing to us?"
Olivia stilled. "What brought that to mind?"
Liam averted his eyes. "I've been trying to remember a song she would sing to help me sleep. It was some type of lullaby that made me smile. Maxwell remembered part of it, but the beginning lyrics have eluded me."
Olivia began to walk forward again.
He couldn't help but notice how tense she appeared.
"Olivia? Is something wrong?" He jogged to catch up.
He then saw the tears in her eyes.
She took a deep breath. "What difference does it make if you can or can't remember a song?"
He stepped back from the bitterness in her tone. "I wanted to sing it to the baby." He slipped his hands into his pants. "I've been practicing on her guitar and wanted..." He sighed. "I wanted my child to have something precious of my mother's. You remember how much she loved music."
Olivia lowered her eyes. "I do. Queen Eleanor would hum and sing even when walking down the halls."
"I didn't mean to upset you with my question." Liam apologized, regretting the fact he had dragged his friends into this.
"No. I shouldn't have reacted the way I did." She sniffed and squared her shoulders.
Although thoughts of her childhood held a great deal of bitterness, Liam and his mother had been the one bright spot in her lonely existence. She couldn't deny him her help, no matter the heartache those memories contained.
"Now. What song is it?"
Liam led her to the guest house. He strummed the tune and noticed her expression light up in recognition.
Before he could even ask, a clear alto slipped from Olivia's lips as she sang the song.
🎵Hushaby... rockaby. Listen to my lullaby in blue
Bluelululululululu
How I love my pretty baby
Sweet and precious pretty baby
How I love my pretty baby
Honest to goodness I do
See here, Sandman is commin'
And he'll be here
Mighty mighty soon
And if you don't cry, he'll be droppin' by
With a great big lollypop moon🎵
Liam joined in, remembering how the rest was sung with two people. That thought reminded him of the times his mother encouraged his father to join in, their voices blending into a sweet note as they focused on their young child.
🎵Dream dream dream (How I love my pretty baby)
Be an angel
Dream dream dream (Sweet and precious, pretty baby)
Be a darling
I love my pretty baby (How I love my pretty baby)
Honest to goodness I do
Honest to goodness I do
Bluelulululululu🎵
"It's called Lullaby in Blue." Olivia told him. "Your mom sang it to me when I first came to live with you." Her eyes became distant as she thought back. "I asked her to teach it to me so that I could sing it to my stuffed dragon when he had trouble sleeping."
Liam reached over and grasped her hand. "Thank you. I know you don't like thinking of the past," he squeezed her fingers, "but being able to share this song means everything to me."
Olivia slowly smiled. "You better practice then. Your child deserves nothing but the best."
She wrote down the lyrics and left him alone to practice.
When he began to sing the words, he could hear his mother's voice singing too.
***************
A few week's later...
"How are you feeling, my love?" Liam asked one evening.
Riley rested her head on his shoulder. "I'm fine. I think the baby is not too happy I ate those brownies Hana made, but i am determined to not throw them up."
Liam pressed a kiss to the top of her head. "I have a surprise."
"You do?" She sat up with a big smile. "What is it?"
"Wait right here." He left her on the couch to retrieve the guitar.
Her eyebrows raised when he returned with it in hand. "Liam! Is that your mother's?"
He paused before her. "You remembered."
"Of course I do. How could I ever forget our first date?" She patted the spot next to her for him to sit. "You promised me that night that one day you might play for me." Her eyes twinkled with mischief. "I didn't know a girl had to get pregnant to get serenaded around here."
Liam chuckled at that. He was touched that she recalled their date so clearly. That was the best night of his entire social season, well other than seeing her again at the Masquerade Ball.
Hearing she loved him during the Coronation Ball was also up there. If only it had ended differently.
He pushed those memories to the side. "I thought it might be time to start sharing with the baby a song my mother used to sing to me."
Riley's smile turned tender. "I think that sounds wonderful."
She watched, fighting back tears, as he positioned himself on the floor so that he could sing directly to her belly. The expression on his face as he began the lullaby was one that touched her heart.
His love and wonder for their unborn child was stamped across his handsome features. Each word he sang was done so with a smile unlike any she had ever seen before.
When he ended the song, he pressed a kiss to her baby bump.
"I hope you liked that." He gently rubbed her tummy. "It was a favorite of mine from my mother. I wish you could have met her. She was the kindest, most gentle woman I have ever met." His hand moved to hold Riley's. "We're lucky though that you have a mother just as wonderful as mine was."
"Liam." Riley gave up on not crying.
He pressed a kiss to her hand before continuing. "I love you and your mother more than anything. I intend on you hearing that every single day I am blessed to have with you." His fingers tangled with Riley's. "That song is a reminder of just how beloved you already are to both of us."
Riley tugged him back on the couch. She kissed him, whispering how much she loved him, how happy he made her.
The two cuddled together and thought of the day coming soon when their family would at last be complete.
#liam x riley#choices the royal heir#King Liam#choices trh#choices the stories you play#choices fan fiction#requests
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I want to talk about The good place; season 4; "a normal girl from Arizona" part one and two
More like I need to or I'll combust into tiny pieces on someones kitchen tiles.
Cw memory loss and just me talking about being in love I guess
This wont be coherent as is anything in my head I just need to talk about it bc ooohhh my fucking shit I havent even finished it but-
Chidi's and Eleanors relationship is so important. First they get introduced as soul mates to one another only to feel the pain of not being cosmically bound. Considering that Chidi decides to help Simone recover in the afterlife only after he thinks she is his soul mate so it's safe to assume Chidi did take it to heart. But after thinking they aren't soulmates they manage to find eachother again. And again. And again. After almost dying, being separated, HAVING THEIR MEMORIES WIPED. If soul mates aren't real and Micheal assigned them to eachother to make them hurt, how come even in different circumstances they still fell in love again? Did Micheal make a lucky guess or was it just meant to be? On top of that when Chidi gets assigned a new fake soul mate, it doesnt click the same way. So it would be true that it's just that Eleanor is the one.
But of course no one can be happy forever in media or life so... Chidi once again loses all memory to help defeat the bad place and the fact they sent his ex, knowing he would be too nervous to help. Can you imagine the soul crushing pain fucking Eleanor would be in?
Imagine time and time again LOSING the person you fell in love with but this time you have to remember it. You have to see their face and knowing you cant kiss it, see their hands and know you cant hold them, look at them and knowing they don't remember every moment that made your connection special. And Eleanor can't even try to strike up a romance again because she has to pretend to be the architect, the only plan would be after the experiment is over to show him clips of memories. But that doesnt mean it would bring back the feeling as we saw Chidi's reasoning to seeing them was "that's a different Chidi, not me" while they were in Janet's void. And if she starts flirting with him after the experiment who knows if itll work or if she can hide all the memories she has of their time beforehand.
So. Not only does she have to see the love of her life walk around not remembering her, potentially falling in love with someone else, knowing this might be the last time she ever got together with him but it's also framed as a huge sacrifice on his end and she has to smile it off and is considered selfish and a bad leader when she hesitates to matchmake the guy she fell for and his ex.
Knowing you've found one another over and over again only to realize "shit...it can't happen again, can it?" How do you just pretend you're not in love anymore? I'm an amnesiac and deeply in love with my boyfriend and one of my worst fears is that if I forget I will forever loose him and that I wouldnt care that I'd loose him.
Just like in that one scene after watching their memories together before Chidi gets his wiped he says "I'm gonna miss you so much Eleanor" and she says "but you wont. That's what's so scary." And she is right. How can you miss someone you haven't met or well thought you havent met? She will miss him and she will fight for him but he wonr have the memory and feelings to do the same so he may act out of line because on his end the connection doesnt exist, accidentally harming Eleanor but probably not caring because...who is she anyway? He says "I haven't fallen in love before" after being wiped and Eleanor has to smile and say "I know." He didnt mean to hurt her, he didnt mean to be a dick but because he doesn't understand the past nature of their relationship; even a small comment that is insignificant to him is a boulder on her shoulders and there is nothing she can do. She can't hold him accountable because to him, he doesnt owe her anythingz.
What's more is that before he gets rebooted Micheal makes a compilation of memories they DON'T remembered because of the past memory cleans. Memories where they still fall in love. But they don't remember any of it. It's ironic, isnt it? How they've experienced so much joy together yet get to recollect none of it? And now the little they had is getting taken away for the last final time.
Eleanor says "weve found eachother hundreds of times. We can do it again." But I think that somewhere deep inside, maybe because Chidis ex is in the experiment, she doesn't believe that. But that line and the fact they've met eachother in so many different "attempts" as Micheal calls them is so important to me. Idk if anyone here other than me believes in cosmically bound souls but my boyfriend and I are twin flames; the same soul separated in two bodies, always looking for eachother in every life time (not inherently romantic istg some ppl r stupid) but him and I have looked for one another in different lifes, lifes we don't remember and now we have found eachother. The thought it may go away in the next life or even right now is terrifying to me. But we too have probably found eachother hundreds of times and here we are, doing it again.
How fundamentally important is memory to connections? Can you work off of feeling alone? Sure, you may have your feelings still but you won't know why you love them. You won't know what person they are. You won't know them. And how do you justify loving someone you dont know to yourself?
"What's the point of love if it's just gonna dissapear and how is it worse to not love anybody?" There is no universal answer to the question Eleanor asks Janet but my take is that its memories. Even if you loose the feeling you once felt youd still have that necklace they bough you, or that special place you had, that song they played you, those laughs and jokes, those warm years that passed. You'll still know everything that made them special, everything that made your time fulfilled. Even if you loose someone, they were still once there and as long as you have the capacity to remember them; have you lost them?
Recently I found screenshots in my gallery of people I don't remember. That's me, in the screenshots talking to them. Sending hearts and saying I love them. Talking about how funny they are and making inside jokes that I now feel very outside of. The more I looked the more my heart warmed up but the less I remembered. I felt the love. I felt everything that I did back then for them but now I can't justify it. I can't say I know them. I can't say they mean something because, well, who are they even? All of the laughter and calls and joy; why does it matter I feel nice when I think of them if I don't know "them"?
The response Janet gives is something I've written countless poems on and have never been able to pin down the feeling but this show does it well. Maybe it's my own emotional attachment or the fact I saw it soon after falling in love but it's still impactful to me more than ever.
"If there is an answer I could tell you about how the universe works it wouldnt be special, it would be a bunch of code doing its cosmic design. Nothing makes sense so when you find something or someone that does, its euphoria."
Euphoria. That's the feeling I get when I feel I'm in place. When I'm inside my own body and something begins to make sense. When I'm around my friends and I hear they are alive and well, when I remember why I love them. Euphoria. When I got together with my boyfriend that's what it was. It made sense. It wasn't something I didnt want, something I didnt see coming, something that was thrust upon me as another chaos in the chaos. It made sense. When we held hands before we were together it made sense. When we talked of growing old together before we were together it made sense. Now when I feel my heart sink when he has to leave; it makes sense. When i beg time to slow down; it makes sense. When I don't flinch at touch for the first time; it makes sense. To be lost and finally see your home street; its euphoric. A place you know. A place you understand.
And if Paradise is supposed to make sense of course Chidi and Eleanor found one another. It just makes sense, doesnt it? Finding out why you're here; would you really care for your cosmic purpose if you knew it and it differed from what your heart longed for?
It makes sense Chidi and Eleanor were in love. It doesn't make sense he has to leave once again. So maybe, just maybe, that was the real torture.
I have so many other thoughts but its work time
Bye bitchesssss
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I keep thinking about Flint and this James Baldwin quote: "Why, you will go home and then you will find that home is not home anymore. Then you will really be in trouble. As long as you stay here, you can always think: One day I will go home." Especially in relation to his goals and dreams for Nassau and the future vs. what he actually manages to accomplish. I've started noticing in my current rewatch that the closer Flint gets to actually executing the plan, the more reckless he becomes (i.e. attacking the fort in S2 rather than just setting aside his ego to negotiate with Vane.) He gets angry with Miranda and anyone else who steps in the way of the objective, but only a few episodes later, he turns around and changes direction himself by deciding to go to Charles Town to talk to Ashe about the pardons rather than continuing to pursue the gold. On the surface, this looks like the logical choice Flint paints it to be, but as we soon learn, the risks were not worth the reward (or lack thereof) at all. In fact, he might have actually captured the gold and his dreams of making a life for himself and Miranda in Nassau if he hadn't chosen the route with Abigail - instead he loses everything once again, putting him essentially back to where he began when the title of Captain Flint was first created. And when the pardons he sacrificed so much in trying to obtain are freely handed to him by Hornigold in S3, he chooses to sail into a storm and risk not only his life but the lives of all his crew rather than accept them; but the self-destructive behavior doesnt stop there. At the Maroon colony, he turns survival into an epic war against England, which one could argue is an even more impossible and unobtainable goal than all the discarded goals that came before. In S4, when they at long last have the treasure in their possession, he turns it over to Eleanor once again, and when Madi is taken captive, he hatches a risky plan to rescue both her and the treasure. A true pragmatist would have left Madi for dead rather than risk losing the treasure again, but Flint decides on a rescue mission... just for Silver?
Flint talks about Odysseus' journey and walking away from the sea, but in reality, most of what he decides to do runs in direct opposition to actually securing that peace for himself. I'm forced to believe that his idea of becoming a farmer and living out his days in obscurity in Nassau was only ever a fantasy, a dream meant to sustain him while he endured one hellscape after the next. (Let's be real, would Flint really be happy away from the sea? But that's another post.) Miranda was right when she told him that he had lost his will to find lasting peace long ago to this insatiable need for revenge. It wasn't about Thomas anymore. It wasn't about Nassau. It was about his anger and the humiliation of having lost everything the way he did. But we all need something to live for even if it's just an unreachable dream that someday life will be this bucolic picturesque scene sequestered in the back of our mind, far from harsh reality. It’s a place to go home to when home was lost ages ago
#there are probably so many other examples im forgetting#his behavior is truly the definition of self destruction that only gets worse over time#james flint#black sails#black sails meta#mine
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Black Sails, IV (S1, ep 04)
- Silver's horrified face when he finds out he's going to have to roast pigs is a Journey, starting with shock, then fake smiling, and then this horrified shuddery expression. It's just as interesting when they drop the dead pig at his feet and he clearly doesn't know what to do with it and also finds it disgusting. I can absolutely see where all the Jewish John Silver headcanons come from, especially since it's unlikely that a London urchin has never seen a dead pig and raw meat in general before.
- Here we have the first performance of Cassandra DeGroot: he knows that the bay they'd chosen to do the careening was too dangerous, and warns the crew. He's immediately countered by Flint, who has much more persuasive arguments to get the careening done fast but in a risky manner. (this whole thing reminds me of our current COVID/climate situation, where scientists get talked over by politicians, and people prefer listening to the latter because they seem to offer much better prospects than the “catastrophist” former)
- In this episode Billy is now quartermaster and he shows himself to actually be really good at disciplining the crew, something Gates, DeGroot and even Flint recognise. However, he also agreed to do the careening only because he's afraid to say no to Flint and allowed the men to have a fuck tent, which he feared would distract them - and it did, the two men who placed the rope on the wrong tree decided not to follow his orders and go fuck instead. This all weighs on him enormously after the disaster with Randall and Morley, who accuses him minutes before his death of already being in Flint's pocket. It's pretty clear that more responsibility doesn't do Billy's mental state any good.
- Morley's story about the Maria Aleyne gives some idea of a timeline, albeit a faint one. The incident took place "a number of years back", before Billy joined. This means that Billy is a somewhat new addition to the crew. We know that Randall was bosun when Billy joined. This also establishes that Lord Hamilton has been dead for several years, which now begs the question: who is the Lord Proprietor that Richard Guthrie is now in touch with? Did Thomas have a younger brother who inherited the Bahamas? Was someone new appointed? Was there a gap between Proprietors that allowed the pirates to establish themselves even more after Lord Alfred's death?
- I just adore the fact that Miranda actually went to stinking, violent Nassau because she was just too impatient to wait at home and wanted to be there when the Walrus came in and immediately hear the news of Lord Alfred's death. She is that vengeful and angry and I love her <3
- Speaking of which, this episode gives us the Passive-Agressive Sex Scene which makes so many people doubt of Flint's attraction to Miranda. Just look at Flint’s face: this man isn't uncomfortable or sad he is PISSED. He plays starfish and glares at Miranda all through it (while maintaining an erection all the same!). Miranda must be hella frustrated (or determined) because she manages to get off in spite of all of this (also, how uncommon is it for a sex scene to end when the woman climaxes rather than the man?) It's only when it ends that both Flint and Miranda are both shown as vulnerable and sad and reflective, with Flint reaching up to touch her but not quite getting there - imo because he's still angry but knows that she (and he) needs comfort.
- This leads into the argument over Meditations, and Miranda explicitly talking about Thomas and not wanting to forget him. The book hasn't been touched in a long time, confirming the idea that Miranda shared it with Richard Guthrie because Flint refuses to touch it. Her grief, her loneliness, are incredibly poignant in this scene, and we see Flint shift from bristling and stonily glaring at her, to absolutely melting (Toby's facial expression shifts here are just *chef's kiss*) and finally being gentle and tender with her. However, even though he promises to make things better, Miranda clearly doesn't believe him anymore.
- This brings in a big theme in the episode: betrayal from people you care for/trust. Mr Scott asks Eleanor not to do anything rash in order to get the Andromache’s guns, only to discover her Plan B: to kill Bryson if he didn't comply. In the meantime, Richard Guthrie tells (a very sceptical) Miranda that he can only support Eleanor and Flint, because he pretty much has no choice in the matter. He then proceeds to betray his daughter by making a deal with Bryson and with Mr Scott, who’s still smarting from Eleanor’s betrayal and who Guthrie tries to convince by saying that Eleanor's endeavour will lead to her death and Nassau’s destruction (considering what we later find out about Mr Scott, Eleanor’s safety is probably not be the argument that actually compels Mr Scott - but he certainly doesn't want the Navy searching the area and finding Maroon Island, and needs a stable Nassau to continue supplying his island).
- The Undercooked Pig scene and Silver's attempts at communicating with Flint will never not be funny. Silver looks so small when Flint glares him down, but that doesn't last all that long: once Flint has taught him how to cook the pork, Silver seems much more bold, asking Flint how he learned to glaze the pig, insisting that Flint should trust him and not Billy. This is also a moment where Silver shows that, unlike Flint, he is incredibly perceptive: he noticed that Billy is "straining at the seams" because of the lie he told. And while Flint spits a "there is no we" and calls Silver a rodent, it's obvious that Silver's words still have an impact on him. Their collaboration is sealed when Silver hands him the cleaver so that he can save Randall (and himself). When Flint returns the cleaver to Silver, he's ready to accept that Silver is actually on his side (albeit for selfish reasons) and listens to him for the first time.
- Max believed that she could charm Vane's remaining crew into being kind to her - and overall it seems to have worked. While again I hate this plot, it does give an interesting insight into how even the worst pirate crew is portrayed: most of the men are happy to comply with Max and get sexual rewards "for gentle obedience". Most of them, basically, aren't violent monsters deep down. However there's always one, in this case That Big Bastard (I'm sure he has a name, I just can't be bothered to google it), who clearly gets a kick out of torturing/raping people and hates the idea of a woman taking the lead.
- Fuck You Jack is another theme of this episode. Vane is high on opium and booze and has basically lost the will to do anything. Anne has been courted by several other crews, but Jack hasn't received any offers (note there's no loyalty to Vane here, Jack’s ready to leave, but nobody will have him) and nobody is willing to help him after the pearl cock-up. Then Noonan wants Max back, which Jack refuses because she's the only thing keeping the few members of his crew loyal - and Anne isn't on board with that, leading to her telling him to fuck himself. This, btw, might have crossed Jack’s mind considering the position she was in when he found her. I think it’s easy to forget that Jack is portrayed as pretty callous and happily willing to treat people like pawns too.
- When Richard Guthrie talks about Nassau, he describes it as a place "a place where she [Eleanor] matters, a place where you [Mr Scott] matter", and adds that a place like this isn't meant to last. Nassau, then, is currently an utopia where women and black people can have some semblance of power - and he doesn't believe that this will ever be allowed to exist because this kind of story never has a happy ending in their current society. But when Flint talks to Eleanor about their project, he's of the opposite view: people don't believe that it's possible, but when they succeed, they'll say it was inevitable. It seems Flint is firmly in the camp of "winners get to tell the story", and that the story will influence how the rest of the world sees them.
- When the Walrus tilts and squashes Randall, Flint stops Billy from intervening and rushes to rescue Randall himself - even though he knows the ship will be cut loose at any moment. He puts himself into incredible danger in this moment. Why? Theoretically, it could be for a manipulative purpose: to look good to the crew, or to get rid of Morley. But Flint seems genuinely involved in the struggle to save Randall, and he barely had time to think before he ran off. I feel that this is a rare spontaneous moment for Flint, where instead of thinking about his plans or his position as Captain, he just thinks like a person in an emergency who wants to rescue someone else. He absolutely could have died out there. And while Billy seems to suspect him of having killed Morley, I don't find that reading compatible with what we're shown of Flint trying to save Randall. True, he may have kicked/pushed Morley at the very last second, but we’ll never know that for sure.
- Back to the theme of people betraying their loved ones, we have Richard Guthrie getting back to Miranda, telling her he knows who she is and revealing the "Thomas went mad because Miranda and Flint cheated" story which he heard from Lord Alfred himself. So now Miranda knows that her identity has been revealed and that Richard could spread the story to, say, Pastor Lambrick (let's not pretend this didn't cross her mind, she keeps her identity secret for a reason). And then Guthrie offers her a way back to civilisation. This, right after a kid threw a stone at her, calling her a witch. This, after Flint has promised to make things better, even as he goes deeper into reckless/utopian plans of fortifying Nassau. Backed into a corner, was Miranda ever going to refuse, if she could be safe and have him be safe? And obviously, Richard Guthrie isn't doing this out of the kindness of his heart. He apparently figured out that Miranda was a way to get in touch with Pastor Lambrick and that ridding New Providence of Flint and winning over the “good”, normal inhabitants would be a perfect beginning to buying back his influence on the Island - the end goal being named Governor, of course.
- If there was any doubt that Vane’s tough guy thing is part of an act, his opium hallucination of Eleanor makes it crystal clear: "you're alone, you don't have to pretend with me". That is, pretend that he's not afraid and that he's not vulnerable. The hallucination also offers Vane an explanation for why Eleanor is how she is: like him she's afraid of appearing weak. He's actually spot on, a big problem in their relationship is that they're too alike and are struggling for dominance. Which is probably why Vane wants to overcome his fear and weakness, and regain power by confronting his old slave master (btw, nice parallel with Flint haunted by Miranda in S3). The scene where Vane kills Noonan also shows him in a very animalistic light - at first he's cornered and somewhat pathetic, beaten, throwing up, only saved by the fact that a gun misfires. Then he turns violent: quick, instinctive and relentless, deaf to Noonan's plea to leave him alive, even if theoretically it could have been profitable for him.
- I have to say, I snickered quite a bit when Pastor Lambrick sees Richard Guthrie and tells him "God teaches us not to cheer when someone stumbles, in your case I may ask his forgiveness". I mean, I really see his point. He leads a group of Puritans who are trying to make a life for themselves on this island. Historically, people who lived and farmed in New Providence were constant targets for errant pirates, who robbed, raped and killed a lot of them. This is what the Pastor is trying to protect his congregation from (and Miranda, since he doesn't understand why she's with Flint and is likely terrified that a pirate lives so close to his congregation, hence the spies he sends out). There's a bit of a parallel with Billy, where both Lambrick and Billy are presented as being very preoccupied with the well-being of the group they're responsible for, and both are presented as, well, Goody-Two-Shoes - (self-)righteous, loyal, honest, caring. Except they're both human, and sooner or later they falter.
#black sails#billy#pastor lambrick#flint#silver#silverflint#miranda#flintmiranda#rackham#anne#max#eleanor#vane x eleanor#vane#degroot#randall#mr scott#richard guthrie#black sails rewatch#rape mention#meta
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