Ohhhhhh my goddddddddd so I’ve basically been to the doctor three times since turning 18 and aging out of the pediatrician because of my horrible doctor fears and issues. So it’s a MOMENTOUS occasion and the culmination of years of glacial self-work that I felt ready FINALLY READY to sit down and make a doctors appointment for a routine visit!! Like that is give or take a decade in the making…….and all the ethereal alchemical elements were correct so I could finally do it this morning. But the clinic is closed and you can only do it weekdays ☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️ ok guess I am going to the doctor in 10 years probably. See you 2034

some zoey and mike headcanons because i don’t see a lot of people talking about them and they’re definitely my guilty pleasure ship

- i always saw them doing a long distance relationship after tdas. they make it work though!! they get really good at communicating because they kind of need to with an LDR. and of course they visit eachother often and travel when they can!!

- they play lots of video games together!! zoey loves pokemon and so does mike :) he’s more into the competitive side of things while zoey just wants to complete game. i could see them playing scarlet and violet and making the little sandwiches together 😭 it would be so cute. and also they have a very expansive minecraft world together and a server with their other friends :3

- they would have a really entertaining podcast with gwen where they just talk about behind the scenes stuff in total drama and also they spill some tea. zoey doesn’t like to badmouth anyone but she lets it slip sometimes and it’s very entertaining (it’s mostly about scott i can’t lie like nobody likes him that much)

- idgaf zoey is the big spoon i don’t care how short she is and how tall mike is i need to see her wrap her arms around his back and cuddle him rn

- when they sleep together it never ends well because mike moves so much in his sleep and zoey ends up 1. getting elbowed 2. getting kicked 3. falling off the bed or 4. getting no sleep at all. it’s not like she cares though she loves him so much 😭

- oh yeah they’re very touchy. couples in amusement park lines be like

- i think zoey has struggled a lot with her own mental health which helps her understand mike a lot better. not that she’ll ever understand what having DID is like, but she’s just understanding and patient in general. i hate the whole “mike got rid of his alters” shit because like wow 😭 wtf. so that never happened!! zoey is so kind and treats all of his alters with the same respect that she would mike. she gets really close with them all and makes a conscious effort to know them as people, not just extensions of mike. and i think that’s just so fucking sweet

i have more of these if anyone wants them idk if there’s a zoke fandom out there but i’m here to deliver 🫡

AND ANOTHER THING! (IM BACK FOR MORE)

I absolutely picked up on a few things that honestly had me just asking more questions about Chilchuck’s pov. On one hand, I usually love seeing each pov within the chapters, but! on the other, it was very what’s the word… fitting? nicely done. how you handle the showing and telling of the story

My internal dialogue was a lot of “Oh surely this man is not entirely oblivious to dog boy over here.” “Oh he has GOT to be thinking thoughts rn.” So eek! Yes I am so excited about the addition lol

Also I have no idea WHAT they’re put in this stuff, but Dungeon Meshi has just… gotten me in a chokehold. The Chilaios Nation, don’t know what y’all are doing, but it also has me in a chokehold. Scarily dragging me in. I am obsessing I am refreshing my tabs I am unwell I am blessed with a feast fit for a king this is affecting my mental health I need sleep. Anyway, love all the chilaios nation folks <3

listen to me. look me in my eyes. i am gripping you by the shoulders. this is everything to me

because so genuinely while writing the first part, i considered every single aspect of what chikchuck thought about what was going on. what was he feeling what was he thinking etc etc and i while i don’t always think that’s necessarily for a limited pov fic, especially not when it comes to one that boils down to self indulgent smut, like i said *i* knew what he was going through and wanted to try to translate that to the audience with out like. making it so obvious that laios should have picked up on it.

and when trying to convey something subtle like that it’s so easy for it to go completely unnoticed. and honestly i do think i would have been just fine with that actually! bc i never intended to make a second part of this from chilchucks pov!

but the way sooo many people have been like “i am picking up on this” just made me so happy!!! like i said a billion times while writing this i made and am still making this for me first and foremost! it’s self indulgent and all about what *i* want to happen and what makes me happy

but that doesn’t change the fact that i am so overwhelmingly happy that so many other people are enjoying it!! im over the moon about that! and thats a HUGE part of why i got inspired to actually write a chilchuck pov!!!

(and not to curse myself but uhm. based on the current word count compared to the equivalent part of the first part it. well it might end up longer. but shh don’t tell anyone)

BUT YEAH WTF DID RYOKO KUI PUT IN THIS FUCKING SHOW AND WHAT IS IT ABOUT CHILAIOS NATION.

i think it’s crack cocaine

i’m would like to reiterate/make it clear that i made this blog LESS THAN A WEEK AGO. that’s how insane this shit had made me. it’s been less than a week and i’ve made a whole side blog, wrote over 11k of fic, made several friends, joined a discord server and am HAVING THE TIME OF MY LIFE. i am having more fun in this fandom than i can remember having in almost 15 years

sorry this reply got REALLY long but. it just feels good. i’m happy. i’m having fun and im glad there are other people along for the ride who are having fun as well :3

So I’m abroromantic (which I’m not sure if it’s classified as part of the aspec but sometimes I’m aro) and ace. I’m out to my mum & stepdad, and my friends, and most of my class and my brother and possibly my stepsister know I’m some part of the lgbt community they just don’t know what, and my grandma on my mums side knows I’m ace coz mum accidentally outed me (but it’s fine coz I don’t mind abt her knowing there just hadn’t been a chance to bring it up previously soooo)

the thing is, my dad is a sexist mysoginistic piece of shit who has put me, my mum, and (a lot more mildly) my brother through a lot of emotional trauma, and I wouldn’t be surprised if he was homophobic aswell. But when I asked him what he thought about the LGBTQIAP+ community, he was being really cryptic. So then I was like ‘well what if theoretically I was to come out to you rn as bi’ and then he’s all like ‘well theoretically ur not old enough to know if ur bisexual yet’ like wtf is that supposed to mean I need an answer here honestly dude. He has watched a few shows/ movies that have some side gay characters in them, but it’s litterally just gay men, like no variety, and he could just be putting up with it coz he likes the show, or he could just b aphobic or any other type of LGBTQIAP+ phobic.

it’s really killing me that I don’t know because I want to be out to him because honestly if u don’t accept me for who I am bitch u can fuck of, and I don’t really care if he accepts me or not I’ll just go live at mums but the thing is I’d have to be here (at his place) to do it. Now that shouldn’t be a problem, but he’s so fucking scary. Like he’s so much bigger then me and like he could probably kill me with his bare hands if he wanted to especially because I have a disability which causes health problems. Ik that he probably wouldn’t hurt me physically and that in the few years he was with mum he never actually hit her but it was still a really bad relationship and he’s just so physically imposing and I am genuinely scared of him, especially since we already don’t have a very good relationship.

But my mums also been going through a lot recently, she just came out a major surgery a few days ago, and submitted her thesis and finished her honours degree a few days before that, and has her own mental health problems. And my stepdad also has some of his own stuff and on top of that is trying to support all of us (not necessarily financially, mum works aswell, but just like emotionally), and I think it’s really hard for him, my stepsisters mum is also tricky to deal with along with my dad and then he’s helping mum and my stepsister has some anger stuff and will just start yelling her face off at anyone for the slightest thing one moment, and then she’s all cupcakes and rainbows the next, and all my disability and stuff is quite new to him, like I’ve known him less then half of my life, so he does try to help out and stuff but sometimes he just has to step backs and leave that to mum which is hard on her and neither of them really need to deal with an extra angry dad atm so that’s another reason I don’t rlly want to come out to him rn but I do at the same time and I don’t want to ask them for help because they already have so much on their plates.

help, anyone?

Vent under cut tw queerphobia

Usually I don’t think about it too much but it just hit me that my parents would really not like me if they find out I like girls. Like I don’t think I’ll ever directly tell them at all, especially not until I move out, but like man. If they find out it could completely ruin our whole relationship. It’s wild to think about it, and I think that’s why I try not to 😭

Idk I’m just feeling a little down rn. My mom gets upset at any difference from the norm. She even gave me a lecture today about why I have to wear a bra because “it dosent look good without it” when I made a comment about mine causing me back pain and making me uncomfortable. And she’s made comments about lesbians being gross (I’m not a lesbian but like she probably thinks the same of any wlw). And my dad is like. Idk how to explain it but like Ben Shapiro/Matt Walsh pilled? Like he watches those people so his opinions are uh. Yeah.

It dosent help that I have a “friend” (I’m pretty pissed at her rn) that’s extremely queerphobic to both me and my other queer friend. We got into a screaming match argument like a week ago bc she said she would drop my other friend if he changed his pronouns (he was trying to test the waters to see if it was safe to come out to her as trans and it didn’t go well). And in the argument she made loads of crazy ass comments to both of us. I was doing most of the arguing back but she said things like we were both queer bc of mental illness and trauma. And she said I was probably “interpreting my feelings wrong” when it came to attraction towards girls. And she made a “joke” about how I probably SA people because I’m gay and when I was like wtf is wrong with you she was like “you called me transphobic” and I was like???? BECAUSE YOU ARE??? She said she would drop our friend because he’s trans?????

And she doesn’t think she’s homophobic because she reads BL porn and she doesn’t think she’s transphobic because she didn’t send hate to Elliot Page and Hunter Schafer 🤦‍♀️

Idk if this is coherent I know it’s pride month and like yayyy it’s ok to be gay and all but I really wish I wasn’t it actually really sucks that people will just have a problem with your existence for no reason and you just have to deal with all these extra problems cishet people will never know about or understand and if you say anything about it you’re a sensitive snowflake who should just get over themselves ☹️

Like the online spaces I’m in really had me fooled for a good long minute about how the world really feels about queer people. Because it’s not good. I’m just glad I can come on here and see everyone be so accepting and nice because without this my mental health would probably be a lot lot worse

And I think I’ve mentioned that I go to an all girl’s Catholic school? But the school is like really accepting lol we have a LGBTQ+ club and there’s pride flags all around rn and everything lmfao. It’s nice that that’s a safe space too even if some of the students are really queerphobic, but that’s to be expected anywhere. It just sucks that all these pride flags everywhere make it seem like the world is very supportive when it really just isn’t. And the people who are unsupportive think it is because of all the pride shit everywhere and then I have to listen to complaints about how queer people are overreacting because “everyone is accepting now look at all the rainbows, you don’t face any oppression” and it’s just so 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️ SHUT UP how would you even know anyways you haven’t spend one single day being queer just shut up you don’t know what it’s like to constantly be scared of losing friendships and having your relationships with your loved ones be fucked up over something you have zero control over just shut up you don’t know anything 😭😭

FAM WHEN I SAY I'M SCREAMING I-

I-

no actually no I'm whispering whatthefuckwhatthefuckwhatthefuckw

my BOYS

TOGETHER

MY BOYS

Congrats I'm returning to tumblr (once again shh) for the sole purpose of SHRIEKING AT YOU ABOUT THAT LAST CHAPTER OF TWWW

Oh my GOD.

SPOILERS IF ANYBODY HASN'T READ IT YET (though like fr what are you doing if you haven't? fake fans) ANYWAY

Tony opening up to Nat?? Nat understanding and bringing up her sister???? NAT FIGURING OUT HOW TO FIND PETER (which like GOD they're all so stupid but like wow what a solution hiding in plain sight wtf). Tony not waiting even a second for backup he's just like FUCK this I'm finding my kid?? Osb*rn's little drama??? PETER STANDING UP TO HIM??? FOR TONY??????? my child BETTER take that as a healing experience and not feel guilty for removing such an evil waste of space from the surface of the earth. man dESERVES to rot in hell thanks bb. The part where Peter ends up like hugging Tony so hard and they're both collapsed on the ground and peter's trying to crawl closer into tony's chest (which you KNOW is my favorite shit like that's my shit right there)????

FAMMM!!!!!!!!!

T-TTTTTTT

(spoilers over)

the ONLY lil note i'd mention is like, you say "shaking like a tree in a hurricane" kinda a lot, and it's such a kickass line that maybe u should save it for only the most kickass moments. but otherwise this is a fucking masterpiece

I can't wait for the epilogue <3 <3 <3 I despise you <33333

(in the lowest of keys, any chance you've already written it and would send it to me privately early? in addition to kicking myself off tumblr I'm probably gonna kick myself off ao3 starting tomorrow :( just because I have truly zero self-control and therefore cannot be trusted with nice things while also having Responsibilities. i'd just...be so sad if I couldn't read the epilogue :( and I'd also be a lil bummed if i had to break my "no ao3" in order to read said epilogue because then i'd probably be like, "well, next month I guess :D" which is NOT a good idea lmaoo. no pressure if you can't or haven't written it yet or don't want to tho)

right so tldr I cannot STAND you and I value and adore you so much. You cannot be trusted with my heart, and yet you hold it in one hand and in the other you've got thro's motherfucking hammer full of your words and you're holding it with a DEMONIC amount of glee

UGHHHHHHHhhhhhhhHHH <3

HZHSIWJWBDJWISHSBD

LOVE YOU

ok so I would absolutely be okay with privately sending you the epilogue, but my private messages on Tumblr aren’t working whatsoever, and I’m unable to see messages or send anything) I’ve emailed the support team but never got a response) so if there’s any other way I can work out sending it to you, that would be great (maybe in your AMA?)

P.S so happy that you’re prioritizing your mental health at the moment (even if I miss ur regular blog updates terribly) because Responsibilities are important. Take all the time you need <333

What’s up pookie got more bitchin to do

Dawg everyone around me is fuckin insane

Little cousin is a trash goblin who is the blind kind of ambition that can be good or bad

Instead of being a hater I was like ima support this dumbass, make some music, let him push it and build out catalogs

But I’m tellin this kid how I believe in him but his are priorities are fucked point him in the right direction blah blah blah

And he goes

Yeah cuz I know I got the talent, I just gotta blah blah blah

So fucking stupid. I’m just gonna watch him do his thing cause honestly it makes some somewhat good quality from using presets and his music is fr absurd/entertaining

Also, he says the N word, which when I called him out for it, he replied

Naw they say it around here it’s all good

So yeah, kinda hope that doesn’t bite me in the ass for workin with this bozo

Dawg lemme tell you somethin funny

So he’s beefin with his friend and diss each other and make diss songs all that bullshit

So my cousin goes, let me know what you think about this diss

The title is “FUCK (Cousins name)”

So I’m like okay his friend wrote this about him

Turns out it’s all shit. But in the beginning there’s this line

“Yo auntie don’t want to see another family member dead”

And I for one, have a dead lil brother, two, a sad mom lol

So I was like damn this a crazy bar

So I asked cousin about it and he’s like oh no I wrote that

Soooo I’m like wtf dawg shit

And he goes

Naw so his mom died and his auntie raisin him that’s why

Like bro Jesus Christ what’s wrong with this fuckin people

Dawg my lil homie finally got a bitch and she’s cool I met her yesterday

But bro she literally has like aspie meltdowns in public when shit gets mildly difficult

Like she was tryna make a complicated dispensary order, at a new dispensary, for multiple people, with no money

And bro she just lost it and like broke down

Bro she looked fuckin SCARED all day I felt so bad fr like bro you are scared rn

Idk she was also super pissy too, like when her phone was about to die when making that order

It’s just a m, WELL WTF ARE WE GOING TO DO??

And then you could see she got super upset and I was like bitch, chill

I ended up talking to her about mental health at the end and it was wacky

I just asked her how she was doing and shit

Turns out she wants to learn about basic finances and budgeting

She’s going to be more honest with her docs about now takin her meds right

And then I straight up told her to stop being a pussy

I was like bro, you gon be scared forever. And shit only gets harder fr. Push through it’s worth it

She fr took it super well. She had that attitude where she’s super fucked up and doesn’t have anyone real to talk to, so she was like oh fuck this my time

It was cool. It was so joyful seeing this happy young couple together. They remind me of me and my gf. More friends than partners. I like that.

But you could see her tryin to make moves on him, and he was just super oblivious, as you are at that age lol

But I also noticed him struggle to handle those freak out moments. He handled it well but you could see he ain’t dealt with this before.

They’re both cool tho. I set them up with some good actual resources. I was teachin homie about finances, like emergency funds, the 50% rule for bills, and then I said

Just because you got the money for somethin, doesn’t mean you can afford it.

Then I said

Think about that huh? And I tapped my head lol

But naw fr, he’s super cool about it.

He’s said some really nice things to me lately.

I randomly helped him through basically a business break up.

And he was freakin out and I took a chance and was hard on him instead of suckin his dick

He was like my life is over bro and I’m like

Quit being a pussy bro, that’s life. It ain’t always gon be good shit. This is part of the process

I was like, you were in a toxic situation, you learned a lot, and you made some money, now you’re out but you learned those skills

He really turned around and looked different about it

But then he thanked me for bein a good friend to him. That made me feel good

I’ve known him since he was like 16 and he’s 22 now I think

Super cool

I think this shit crashing so ima cut this and start another one

I literally adore having red hair so much. Full time chariot stan god I’m living

Haikyuu fanfic recs for ones I liked hehe

EDIT: I made a pt 2

Anyway, as the title suggests, I am recommending some fanfics for popular(ish) ships that I personally really enjoyed! I’m only doing one or two fics per ship (which in hindsight is KILLING me so I’m just putting the first fics I find and am like I really liked that one LOL) because I wanted to do a shorter fic rec list (tho watch this become super long LOL). I also may or may not be procrastinating finishing a couple other long posts, so there’s that hehe. For the (kinda but not really) public consensus for best fics per ship (by kudo count) check out some of my other posts. Also I’m putting some ships I don’t actually read much of (OOPS LOL) so if you think that there’s a fic that fits my type (if I even have a consistent type) better, pls tell me LOL. Otherwise, pls continue heh :)

As always, pls check WARNINGS, TAGS, and SUMMARIES for fics before reading to make sure you’re taking care of yourselves (since mental health is key!) and stay healthy!

IwaOI:

The Loyalty of a Traitor by DeathBelle (E) 76.9k // ok so does me liking this fic make me basic cause I feel basic LOL. I really love mafia fics, and the way the story line developed was SO good, like IN LOVE with this story. This is a fic where you should read WARNINGS, TAGS, and SUMMARY before diving in, but if the length scares you, don’t be. It’s so easy to fall in and get lost in the writing!

the courtship ritual of the hercules beetle by kittebasu (chanyeol) (T) 66.3k // again, basic? Probably LOL but it’s good so I have no shame ;) Again, pls don’t let the word count scare you (cause it scared me LOL), you get really into it after like 2 paragraphs, so just make sure you have enough time to finish hehe.

KuroKen:

Thicker Than Blood by kylar (M) 91.4k // are you surprised that there is another mafia one? You really shouldn’t be LOL. Anyway, I’ll just be here pushing my mafia fanfic agenda while you read this monster of a fic hehe :) Definitely read WARNINGS, TAGS, and SUMMARY because there is some very sensitive topics involved! I also adore the oibokuroo friendship headcannon, so more reasons to read, right?

Liked, Commented and Subscribed by Royal Society of Pandas (Abarcelos) (T) 45.7k // this fic is SO funny omg. I read it and I had to stop so many times just to laugh because I could not stop sometimes LOL. However, there IS angst towards the end, it gets resolved, but it’s still there... But honestly, it just adds such depth and flavor to the fic, so pls read it!

BokuAka:

bang! now we're even by Authoress (M) 11.9k // so I’ll be honest, I don’t read a lot of BokuAka (...oops?) and so I wouldn’t consider myself as the best person to be recommending fics for this ship (in general too LOL).... ANyway, I love myself some good spy AUs (was gonna put that IwaOi spy AU but the LIMIT), and Akaashi in a dress? Like the tags might state, what more do you need? The characters are done beautifully, and the story development is SO good, so I give you all my humble BokuAka rec.

Crisis Converted by valiantarmor (M) 60k // man do I really love fighting in my fics LOL. This was super good and the plot itself kept me really engaged (what a twist omg). It does talk a bit about mental health issues, but it’s done so well, and they really did this AU justice!

DaiSuga:

How to Manage by SuggestiveScribe (E) 39.3k // ok so yea yea we established, I’m basic, BUT can you blame me? This might’ve been one of the first DaiSuga’s I’ve read and I have no regrets. Literally, this fic series is one of my favorites, so OF COURSE I had to add it somewhere :D Honestly, I don’t even think you need to read the first one to understand what’s going on, but I would just cause it has some funny DaiSuga moments too ;) This is explicit for PWP, so proceed with caution~~

Add New Contact by booksong (G) 8.5k // this one! It’s so cute and poor Daichi LOL. He really out here doing the most,,, Anyway, we love tech Suga, and a nice dash of snarky tsukki (LOL is he salt, yes yes he is). It’s very fluff and pine, so if you want to read Daichi having gay panic like 24/7, go right ahead LOL. 

SakuAtsu:

Burden of Blame by DeathBelle (E) 91.2k // ummmm, haha what, another mafia AU? Me, predictable? Noooo, never..... Anyway, this one was so freakin’ good like, love it so much! It’s one of my favorite mafia AU fics, and I love the story line progression. Poor Atsumu being dragged into this mess, but it’s okay because THEY are IN LOVE. Honestly, this fic is Atsumu best boy like he is the best boy. BEST BOY.

Notte Stellata by awkwardedgeworth (T) 20.9k // I ignored all of the other fics I LOVE in this ship (like the pain I’m in rn), but I love this fic with my whole heart. Like I have reread this fic multiple multiple times because I love it so much (tho I might’ve skipped the angst a couple of times cause I didn’t want the pain okay?). I keep coming back, and the second fic in this series is SO funny and cute and I love it here. Please read it, it’s so FREAKING good, angst and ALL.

KyouHaba:

Team Mom by All_My_Characters_Are_Dead (T) 2.7k // so as I was going through this tag (because that’s what I do LOL), I remembered this fic and I love it. Like yes Yahaba is the fear factor and yes Kyoutani is the DAD. I really like the team dynamics in this one, and the first years make me laugh pls.

Camellias by kiyala (T) 1.9k // IK you’re all like, you’re missing such great fics, like no I’m not I just made myself hate myself by limiting fics to two per,,, I love this fic and when I starting looking for this ship, it was the first one I thought of hehe. I really love magic and their interactions are so cute and the PLANTS ARE DOING THE MOST. Pls read both in the series, cause domestic KyouHaba is best KyouHaba ngl LOL. I love the plants, and if you read the second one, someone tell the trees to stop bullying Yahaba.

MatsuHana:

This gets annoying fast, Makki by Ink_stained_quills (G) 2.3k // IM IN LOVE WITH THIS FIC PLS I COULD NOT STOP CRYING TEARS OF LAUGHTER. This AU needs more fics PLEASE. It was SO freakin’ funny and the other teams KILLED ME. Like how they all approached the problem differently and how some of them (KUROO) asked for help LOL. Please this is so freaking funny go read it.

boiled frogs by reginagalaxia (E) 91.5k // I told myself I was gonna put my most angsty fics on another post (which I will for my other favorite MatsuHana angst fic which I love), but this fic. Omg I saw it and I was like I have to. Literally I have to. I hate angst, but read it. It, the, plot, omg, I jjfnsfknalkjdnf ljksan. Like I’m not sure you understand. This fic. asjfjfsadnldjb. I never thought I could hate a character SO MUCH,,,, like SO MUCH. READ TAGS, WARNINGS, AND SUMMARIES because some serious stuff really goes down. Bless Iwa-chan.

SunaOsa:

Accidentally in Love by pancake_surprise (T) 19.6k // JOSE CUERVO strikes. I love this fic and all the chaos in it. The way they were supposed to be the responsible couple (of friends LOL),,, sike. This one is only a slight angst and it’s mostly love and fun :) Also technically this is no longer the first fic in the series, but I’m still putting this one cause the other one is SakuAtsu orientated hehe :)

Spring Secrets by DeathBelle (T) 3.8k // Seasons might be one of my favorite (as all things also seem to be) series of all times. I don’t like rerecommending fics I’ve already said to read, which is why I’m not yelling at you to go read a certain other fic (which is my life and blood). Anyway, this fic series is all fluff barely angst (maybe that’s why I like it) but it’s so freakin good pls read it all ahhhhhh.

Komori/Suna (what is their ship name):

I wish to live in a world by hatsuna (T) 24.8k // ok ngl this fic was so sad and relatable? Like I was like wtf why are you making me cry rn even though like I shouldn’t be? My heart? Pain. (Hotel? Trivago.) Technically, this is END GAME but the main pairing is kinda SakuAtsu???? Something of the sort, but also their relationship (Komori and Sakusa) is written so well and idk guys I think you need to read this fic rn.

Ah the two fic limit hurt me, but fear not I am making ship specific rec posts (LOL I’m so dramatic), so if you wanted more of a ship,,,, its a coming hehe. And yes I did say I’m making an angsty fic rec post, but we’ll see if it gets finished before I side-track with posts like these LOL.

I live in Alberta and my husband‘s job that he mostly does from home… an office job. (Not healthcare or any thing he’s in marketing) They told him if he’s not getting the vaccine they’re firing him. So he got it. I’m a recent graduate and I’ve been looking for a job and I have friends in my field (architecture) that have similar policies. So I got the first dose two weeks ago and I still have arm pain. Went back to the pharmacy she said adverse effect could be 3-6 months (or more) of arm pain. :/ I’m feeling pissed off. I blame myself mostly wish I didn’t get it I can’t believe they made me make a medical decision that i wasn’t 100% on because I don’t want to be unemployed. just sick. I get my flu shot every year. far from anti vax just didn’t feel like it had good data on it. 😭 I feel gutted wtf Canada

I’m sorry you had to go through that 💔 nobody should be coerced into smth they’re not comfortable with. Idk how this is all even legal. I hope your arm improves. Tbh look into leaving Canada bc that’s what I’m doing. I’m upset too bc my family suffered horrible side effects after being forced to get the shot.

The past few days have been a living hell bc my younger brother was diagnosed with an intestinal tract disease. And this was right after he got the moderna shot!! He was healthy before, and now he’s suffering from inflammation and bleeding. He’s at the hospital rn and I don’t want to lose my only sibling. He got the shot so he could go to college, and now he’s bed ridden and unable to see a specialist bc of Canada’s dogshit healthcare system.

They were so insistent that he get it, but now that he’s ill nobody seems to care. I’m traumatized that the govt is doing this to us and being dishonest abt the potential side effects. Nobody deserves to be gaslit for telling the truth. You are not crazy if you refuse the vaccine! We need to look after our health and safety because clearly the govt and pharmaceutical companies don’t give a SHIT abt what happens to ppl. I’m just praying for my brother and trying not to have a mental breakdown 🙏🏼

Eagles: New Year Eve 3x10

All the theories and conjecture come down to this episode. I don’t think I’m ready but I’m hitting play anyways 😂

(prepare yourself, this is long as hell)

1. Felicia checking into mental health/rehab facility, BLESS!! And the girls dropping her off made me smile. I really hope she gets the help she needs and the help she’s searching for. This all can’t be easy and it’s one day at a time. Wait that just leaves Amie and Klara… things seem to be good right now but I’m proceeding with caution 😂. I like that all three of them are checking in with each other on what’s going on with in their personal lives.

2. Oh lord Andreas pls… He said their sound sounded like piss.. no bby, you sounded like piss. I’m sorry y’all, I can’t fake like screamo.

They puttin shit in mailboxes now???… Oh hell no.

They need to set up security cameras or other security measures like a trip wire? Lock the mailbox? Idk. But Jack’s lyin ass needs to be dealt with…preferably with high powered attorneys and not a gun lol.

3. Is it bad i’m out of breath watching Elias work on the ice? I really just caught myself unconsciously huffing and puffing wtf 💀 I see what Mats is trying to do. He’s trying to let Elias know that’s all the things Mats thinks Elias is stressing about are okay, Felicia, the hockey board ect. but things are way deeper.

WAIT SHUT THE FUCK UP……FIVE MINUTES IN!! FIVE…. WHAT THE FUCK…

I was really over here thinking, nah he’s not gonna ask his dad advice about this… WTF. I am SCREAMING. I still have it paused at him saying he thinks he is in love!!! I can’t press play because i’ll literally just fall apart rn. I’m trying to hold it together yall but… FIVE MINUTES 😭😭 Is Elias gonna tell Mats that it’s Amie?? Lawd I can’t wait to see Mats face when he finds out 😂😂. But when he does, I need him on his knees praying to high heaven that Elias and Amie don’t follow in his and Petra’s footsteps leaving her ass at the airport.. Yall think I’m playing?..

Why does Elias think it’s too late to express his feelings? Look at Mats being a father, awww. I really love this scene. This is what I wanted from this man and he’s giving 😭.

Y’all are no good trifling over there for cutting this scene like that! lmaoo

4. Klara’s momma, you gotta lot of shit in your mailbox you need clean up. Heavy duty that maam. Sassy Klara is needed but directed at the right people imo. I will say this scene is giving me very Brooke and her mom vibes and reminded me of me and @warrenslayla ‘s OTH analysis a couple weeks back!! Ur changing me a bit 😂

5. Petra saying she was a rebel in her past life? Yeah right 😂 Nah, jk. Sometimes the strict parents were the most rebellious lol.

Okay so Eagles are the ones having a party!! Guys, we are getting our groove ooooon! What did I tell y’all! We are twerking EVERYTHING!! Shoot if y’all don’t I definitely will. I love Petra pushing Amie to perform, she has always been supportive of her music. I just hope maybe she gets a chance to see her on stage sometime. Now it’s time to get my girl dressed up to the 9’s pls. 👏🏾👏🏾

I see Elias over there trying to flirt text my girl….. Yall…. quit playing with me 😂 We see what y’all are trying to do over there in the writers room. Y’all think y’all are so slick trying to make sure Petra and Mats don’t know about Elias and Amie. I see y’all.

6. I’m really glad to see Mats and Leila spending New Years with Felicia so she isn’t alone. I can’t believe Leila copped to her boy toy and Mats didn’t trip! I call this growth

7. Omg…. is it bad I forgot that Ludde doesn’t know about Felicia… I feel bad because I completely forgot 🥴 Elias… you should know by now as a man “newly” in love that the heart wants what it wants. That doesn’t stop the yearning or Ludde’s possible future attempts to see Felicia. Loving this brotherly bond though! Those two have definitely come a long way from headbutts.

8. I am predicting for the Eagles next season, an equivalence of a state championship (in America) for hockey in Sweden.

Oh, my girl looks sooooooooo GOOOD. We now have to address her as Pop Queen Amie from now on. I don’t make the rules 🤷🏾‍♀️

9. I’m glad Klara did the right thing in the end and sponsored the Eagles

10. WHO DID AMIE’S LOOK?? I hope they kept this person for her looks next season bc… this look slaps so hard rn. Name a better look? You can’t!! Everything is on point!! Hair on point. Make up, nails, outfit, EVERYTHING!

11. I know we aren’t suppose to laugh at the shitty mailbox but… i’m sorry

This letter ain’t getting opened… as soon as he put it in his pocket I knew. We will never know lmaoo

12. Everybody is speaking English up in here.. they catch me so off guard because I never know what to expect but Ludde sounds like he was the one who spent half his life in America lol.

Felicia and Amie teaming up to get Ludde into that London school, wow! I love an unexpected power play!!! Oh shit….. Andreas and his damn gun…

13. DID AMIE JUST SAY “I WANT TO TOUCH YOU” AND STARE AT ELIAS??? ARE YOU KIDDING ME? YALL ARE SOME FREAKS OVER THERE!!! OH MY GOSH.

THIS WHOLE EXCHANGE WITH THEM EYEING EACH OTHER AND HIM BLUSHING…. SEND MY HAPPY ASS TO THE MOON!!!

I am literally watching these two eye hump each other from across the room. I feel like I shouldn’t even be watching this

I really want to know how the actors thought the fans would react to watching this… 😂

14. Klara… sis… we got 4 minutes left, I don’t think a conversation is really how anyone wants to spend this remaining time left no offense.

15. Dammit Andreas, Ludde should have called him to let him know about London as soon as they hung up with him. Get this jack-ass off the screen!! The way he even came out that house party… Ugh his whole persona is just garbage. This fake suave “i’m better than you” bs is tired. Pick a new gimmick boo!

16. THIS IS NOT WHAT WE NEED RIGHT NOW WITH LESS THAN 3 MINUTES. We don’t need Amie catching Elias and Klara hugging and assuming it’s an intimate thing, NOO! Jesus 🤦🏾‍♀️

17. HOLD THE PHONE…… ELIAS SAID LOVE AND AMIE IN THE SAME SENTENCE…. I heard that right?

Y’all heard that right? right? He said he loves Amie? ELIAS SAID HE LOVES AMIE!!!!! I have to pause because if there is a kiss, i’m afraid to receive it. I am already falling apart right here 😭

THE 360 FIREWORK SPIN RAIN KISS!!!!! WE FUCKING WOOOOOOOOOON!!!!!

18. This is such a weird feeling… two years yall… two damn years and we finally got our bbys. I’ve replayed this scene so many times and just realized the amount of takes they had to kiss to get this *chef’s kiss* of a scene hehehe.

Yup, winner winner chicken dinner all the way to the bank, cha ching!

Aww. My girl was on her tippy toes at first too hehe.

19. (1) It should not take Ludde that long to call his brother (2) Jack if Andreas was some violent thug as you portrayed him to be, I wouldn’t be kekeing and laughing at him like my life wasn’t in danger you miserable pos… I’m done.

You know, I really think the person who got shot is all who we want it to be lmao. That way Jack would still linger in their life’s after death, so cruel 💀. How naive of me to think Andreas would just point the gun, force Jack to retract his statements while he soiled himself out of fear?Andreas could be the one to get shot and they have him on life support? Chile this could go either way. We ain’t sleuthing out nothing with this random hand. Hell that hand might as well be one of the crew members 💀

henlo!! i hope you're doing well! i'd love to get a reading from you, if that's okay! my placements are: sag sun (12h), aries moon (3h) and cap rising! thank you so much for this!

I swear I looked at my inbox and took a second for start the tv and get a drink of water. This is gonna be a long night, I don't think there are meant full readings left though. I'm doing very well thanks for that!

Hm, Sagittarius sun, Aries moon, and Capricorn ascendant.

The Aries moon is the loudest competing with the Capricorn ascendant. Possible glasses I feel from the Aries moon or bad eyesight. The Capricorn could cause you to cut your hair short since I feel some of them really like doing that either their chaotic energy at times✂️💇🏽‍♀️ (I always try to be careful when clicking edit ln these drafts cause it sucks to accidentally delete it ughh) SONG RECOMMENDATION LOVELIES creep by Radiohead! I'm back after getting an ice pop AND OMG IVE BEEN ANSWERING THINGS MY SHEETS ARE WARM AND I HAVEN'T OPENED IT HOW DID I FORGET. Anyways, I wondered if your profile was really you so I looked closer and now I regret I cause the characteristics will be thrown off later on sorry.

Gotta make a new paragraph that was long💀 the Aries moon is hard to see, the connection has been ruined. FOCUS I'm back okay let's go! The Aries Manor is large. I arrived immediately at gates. The place feels like a castle, all of a sudden I'm in a dress on the ground as if this is some kind of lost girl story. My expression looks really confused. As if they're asking "where tf am I" a tall figure comes down the stairs, dressed in a red dress as if her wedding with the world's biggest asshole had was cancelled. Red lips and styled back red hair, their eyes are sharp at the ends and wide in the middle (can't explain eyes lol) they offer their hand to me as if I look like the dumbest bitch at the ball lol. Long and manicured nails. Shes thin and lanky but beautiful non the less. (For all of you insecure people reading to this far I'm watching you😤 love yourself more please you deserve it) she has a butler on standby. "So what are you doing here?" A pretty basic question but I honestly feel so dumb rn lol. They act as if the quest never happened and look around for something in the room turning their head. "You're not Gemini/Sagittarius are you?" A skeptical look on their face. It's hard to interpret what they said. "Alright, maybe you're not here to pull a prank on me if you are." They grab a cigarette from a tin holder a worker offers them already lit and breathing rolls of smoke. "If not them, what are you doing here shorty?" Taking another hit, the cigarette finished by then. Time is going by faster than I thought. "Alright" I hear the click of the case in their hand closing. "If you aren't here for me then I know who, follow me." They get up to lead me up the stares. Hesitantly following after. Aura is red and flaming. Possible placements are the lover stomach or I feel the manor and small parts around it take yo the whole chest. You may have problems with heartburn, chest pains, or issues with the lungs. We leave the lavished hall. I feel there's somewhere you wanna go someday. Possible problems in class as a kid, too passionate or anger issues. Nowadays may be shy or hesitant. Aries people often are fiery, but we also turn more shy getting older.

I see a door down the hall opening it, the Aries moon is gone by now. I feel you have Gemini placements possibly tricksters with your Sagittarius sun. I see the Sagittarius sitting down on something soft and plush. Reading some kind of novel or paper. They seem very intimidating until seeing me. "Ah! Are you here to talk to me? I've been needing company!" Getting up to walk towards me. "Did Aries not come with you? They always avoid me." I see their earrings shine with the night sky. "I mean I did pull that paint trick a bit ago but to mean c'mon who wouldn't?" She once had an elegant purple dress, to match her heavy eyelashes and almost violet blue eyes. But I look into myself now. They are jokes on how we look the same now and they bet she asked me if I was them. They turn to me again after looking off for a bit. You the host may have issues with the contact under pressure or when holding conversations. They do the same thing the Aries does. They may go deeper than shown to me, lifetimes of being stuck with each other in the same hosts. May have liked each other in the beginning but something changed this. Possible placement now is the left side of the chest. Aura color is purple and starry blue. I'm no longer in contact.

I feel the Capricorn ascendant is the puzzle piece to what happened. Change that thought it's Gemini. It's not just you body but in others they've known each other I'm the placements. Possibly a love triangle turned into hate or something. The Aries moon once loved your Sagittarius, they still do. It's just things have changed and Gemini and Sagittarius are better together to Aries. This doesn't seem right. Idk how you could fix this maybe we'll see later. This imbalance could be the cause of some mental issues or your own love problems, both signs aren't as good with such things. They don't know how cause they haven't found true love yet. At least not reciprocated well enough.

The Capricorn ascendant lives in the middle of your chest in-between the abdomen and stomach proportions. This doesn't make sense to me since I believe the stairs were here. I get there, the Capricorn is sitting on the steps sketching. The Capricorn is more boyish. Dressed in a shorter green dress. Cut to the shoulders blonde hair with brown and green mixed eyes. A golden chain on the neck matching the sprinkle of gold on the cheeks and in the eyes. They look at me weirdly. As if they're appalled I ended up here. "Gonna sit or not?" They point to next to them on the steps. I sit down looking at the sketch set down for a second resting in their palms. "You can feel it too can't you?" Clearly they're talking of the energy between the other two zodiacs. "They've been like this for a long time-" "I know." I finally talk I believe after this whole reading. They look down at their drawing. "I'm pretty new here so yeah. I got it fast" they catch me looking at the pencil stokes. "You saw it before. Think it was good?" They look at me again head still down low. "yeah" I nod. "Great!" They pull me up. "Let's get away from here yeah?" There's fields outside the mansion. Green even in the night. Rolling down the grounds and getting grass covered stains and markings. This Capricorn is alive.

Characteristics: dark hair, wider eyes due to the Capricorn or Aries moon, I feel this creates bigger eyes at times. Possibly markings on the hands or arms. Height is fairly average or just an inch shy of it. Possibly have posters in your room. You may definitely need that cup of morning coffee. Strongly built with thicker bones. Took some scrapes and scratches as a kid lol.👷gap in the middle of the teeth. Your nose may scrunch and get bunny lines. Possible love for Halloween. Nice nails but they get broken easily do you have to cut them short. Struggled with self image issue younger. Causing some mental health problems. You aren't an angry person but if boundaries are crossed there's gonna be a problem.

Soulmates/ future relationship: (ignore if already in one unless curious) I feel Virgo influence here. Not the tallest person but also yes? One of those two either really tall ppl or not at all. You guys will try and keep up with each other a lot. Trying to manage schedules and make little completions on who cna do something better or first. On the couch watching movies and sharing food, okay cringey couple thing coming up. You guys may feed each other like it's normal and your friend just stare at you like "wtf??" They love our two though lol they'll get used to it. Possible meeting at s grocery store when in the bread isle or nearby. May have you call them lieutenant or some strengthening name at times or they won't even move to do what you want them to.

Other zodiac influence in your life through people: Gemini moon, Virgo moon, sun, ascendant. Possible same mercury and venus? Random. Cancer mars, Neptune.

Health/future: watch for dogs (i love dogs but I see some trouble here) cars when walking on roads or streets. Just saying duck and lay attention for the next 2 months when in a dangerous working areas or smth.

FINALLY DONE SORRY THIS TOOK LONG

important updates from me re: fandom:

1) i ended up rewatching and then catching up on good girls and i am here to tell you i am still filled with so many very pornographic feelings about beth x rio. i just wish it wasn't so sexy! i'm a bad person and i don't even care!

2) lately i've been really having to cope with the weight of how much i love sam carter and how i tend to forget about that for some reason and i'm basically drowning all semblance of reality in sg1 fic. i'm reading a lot of kidfic. i will absolutely not justify this to anyone as i am counterbalancing it with reading like every hurt/comfort fic i can find about jacob dying. be gentle and kind and soft and piiiiiiiiiine, motherfuckers. pine.

3) related to 2 it is very important to me that the producer of sg1 was like 'no of course they're together wtf duh'. thank you producer. i knew that, but it's nice you knew it about your own show.

4) unrelated to all of these things, i've also started a complete rewatch of start trek: tos, tng, and ds9 with other treks to be determined upon arrival at that point. my wife and i diverge on the topic of kirk/spock. i accept this about my wife because of true love. (amok time is the gayest episode of television i've ever seen and i've seen queer as folk, thank you.)

an important update unrelated to fandom:

1) my mental health isn't ... great rn, to put it mildly. my medicines are completely borked right now. i'm back in therapy, we're adjusting meds again, and i've a white knuckle grip on holding it all together at this point re: real life and work.

sadly this means that 99% of my creativity reserves are just bled dry, but i think it's probably good to just...own up to the fact that i don't know when i'll be back on track, but none of it is my fault and it's not for lack of trying. but i'm fully in the mode of take-care-of-me and stop staring at cursors and hating myself.

hating yourself isn't good. especially over something you're not contractually obligated to provide and that isn't paying your bills right now. like

i do hate me a little. but mostly i hate the fact that i'm in a bad place and it makes me a gross person to be around. i'm not at my nicest or most empathetic or sociable. i'm bitey and hurting and a raw nerve of of just everything, so i'm working on it. and i'm sorry if i'm absent or not replying to messages posthaste or if i seem short with people. it's a work in progress.

more ups than downs?

tw: mentions of bad mental health

I debated writing about this for a long time now. I'm not good at describing my exact emotions and putting myself out there in this honest, raw way still feels a bit strange to me. However, I know some of you struggle with what I also struggle with right now and I feel like if anything can help a human being in this situation is knowing that you are not alone. I know it sounds really fucking corny and all but it's true.

DISCLAIMER : I am not a mental health professional but I do think that getting professional help is incredibly valuable and important if you are struggling with anything.

Alright, I won't start dwelling on the past and stuff, as you probably know (or not, if you're not here from Twitter) the last few weeks have been very strange for me. I tried explaining it, but I guess you can't explain what you don't understand. I started looking inward and understanding myself, observing what I felt and why I felt it so that I could put the pieces of the puzzle together. What really happened on the other side of the screen that you're looking at right now is the following: I sat in bed for 2 weeks straight. Big shocker, right? Wrong. It wasn't the first or last time, it was an usual scenery: days passing by, feeling bored of everything and sleeping all day. But this time, besides the back pain and awful amount of cigarette smoke in my lungs, there was somethinng even more harmful happening inside of me. Not only did I not socialize with anyone, or if I did I acted very irritated, but I ignored calls from loved ones that live far away, I didn't attend my online classes and I had no intention of taking care of myself or the space around me. I thought it was a random wave of procastination and sadness, but as the days passed I felt like I wanted to get better but I couldn't. I felt like something was very wrong and I had to just sit there and watch it all happen. The strongest emotions I felt were loneliness, sadness, anger, guilt and fear. I felt incredibly bad for ignoring everyone around me or pushing them away yet I couldn't stop, and I still feel all of those things if it gets a little quiet. Some of you asked me how I got better, and the rest of you may be wondering "okay but what's the point in typing this out and posting it wtf", and I agree, there is no point. Other than being able to say: look, I know it's bad, but let the voice that says "I WANT and CHOOSE to be better" be a little louder than the mean ones. The only difference between me rn and me ~3 weeks ago sitting in bed is the choice to get better. I started calling my friends back slowly, calling my family back. I started attending uni classes, working out, eating better, and I took care of myself and my space. The key word here is SLOWLY. I know it can be scary, but take baby steps towards healing. Accept yourself, as flawed as you are, and try not to trigger the little devil on your shoulder. It will happen eventually, but you will be able to realize it's happening. I am not saying I am fully healed or in a dream-like mental state, but I am trying, and thats's all that matters right now. You are not crazy, lazy or less than anything. So next time you think about something negative let your mind say "hey!!!! I know what this is!!! we do not like this!!!" and slowly you will understand your thought patterns and how they affect you. I will be blunt: it's really fucking hard, to say the least, but know that everything that comes your way is meant for you and you ARE strong enough to handle it. It will be harder for you, especially on the bad days, but with determination and great people around you (*if u feel alone join studytwt, trust me*) it is possible. Think of yourself as the brightest star on the sky, although there are cloudy days you can't let them dim your light, especially when they aren't even there. You will be there when the clouds leave, you'll take a deep breath, and you WILL shine again, brighter than ever before.

Sorry for the long text post ://

Sending love to whoever needs it,

B.

Linger Bonus 2

lmao literally who asked for me to take forever writing this short lil thing idk guys I’m sorry this took so long my mental health said “❤️heart been BROKE💔💔 so many times ❌❌ I-I, don’t know what to believe 😩😩👀 mama🤰🏼🤱🙍‍♀️say that it’s my fault💆‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤦‍♀️ it’s my fault, I wear 🧥 my ❤️ on my ->👚 😔😔😔😭😩” haha..anyway I am finally putting an OFFICIAL close on the linger series dear lord.

This takes place a lil while after you and the dreamies make up, before graduation.

Mobile Masterlist•

•”Y/N!”

•you were sitting in the library on a Friday afternoon w ur headphones B L A S T I N G (like the good, holy gen z that u are 😌) while trying to study for an upcoming gov & Econ test - the last of the year, in fact - when patty SLAMMED her hands on the mf table

•u, ofc, were startled - being the jumpy person u are - and therefore it was only normal when u practically screeched

•(I want u to know I spent 5 minutes trying to spell yoldle? Yolded? BUT I DIDNT LNOW HOW! And now I’m sitting in a Costco parking lot while evanescence’s bring me to life plays in the background but in my headphones Hello from The Book Of Mormon is playing and my phones at 2% I think this is hell HOW DO U SPELL YOLDLE-)

•”patty! Don’t scare me like that!” You laughed

•she did not

•she quickly moved and sat in the chair in front of u before throwing her back on the table and leaning in closer

•”do you think...”

•you rn: 👀hurry up

•”that maybe..”

•you: bruh

•”i could possibly...”

•you: HAJEHEJEH PATT-

•”haverenjun’snumber?”

•you, and everyone: 👁0👁

•i mean,

•when u had learned abt the patty/Jaemin incident a couple months ago, u figured patty would want nothing to do w the males in ur group

•let alone Renjun

•which was unfortunate

•your mind flashes through a montage of times u would see renjun looking off into the distance during lunch, before taking out his sketch book and drawing something in it

•you never questioned him, as renjun was a pretty secretive dude, so you doubted he would tell u what he was thinking if u asked (guys hes an Aries what did u expect-)

•but now that u think abt

•u had noticed that renjun would never show interest in any girls (ten who all Ik is renjun chitaprrr)

•but whenever patty was mentioned (see: Jaemin complaining abt the incident after the two of you were “good”) or came up to you for any reason (see: Jaemin refusing to look up from his lunch while patty asked abt hwk with you, out of fear that she’ll slap him again) renjun would always go quiet and his ears would always go red

•the thought pushed a smile onto your face

•”totally! He would really like you, I’m sure”

•you gave patty renjuns number (1-800-VirginAlert!) and she expressed her thankfulness before booking it out the library

•meanwhile, you hastily texted the bitch boy previously mentioned

•Jaemins phat 🅱️ussy: dude idk abt u but i feel like Tony from skins Rn

•The Fugliest Virgin this side of China: lmao wtf are u talking abt

•Jaemins phat 🅱️ussy: say thank u

•The fugliest virgin this side of China: why? For being ugly and letting me shine bright like a diamond?

•Jaemins phat 🅱️ussy: no, Rihanna, for securing your spot in the “I’m not a virgin” club

•The fugliest virgin this side of China: what.

•Jaemins phat 🅱️ussy: one word: Patty

•The Fugliest virgin this side of China: WHAT.

Hi Ik it’s short I’m sorry I just wanted to finish it to move on to greater things tbh😔 I still hope u enjoyed it!✨💙

Someone slap some sense into me.

It's just because I am weak rn.

But like... Tell me not to be a dick and just look after myself.

Abusers should get fucked right?

Totally should not make bad decisions and unblock said person and get upset because They Don't Regret Raping Me...

🤦‍♂️ I'm so dumb for even thinking like this

I've made so many strides forward

But then He comes Back and says that and I'm just boggled.

I did well. I just blocked. Deleted. Right thing? Right??

Then why am I like this??

I have been so Good all day

Like.

Pain is high.

I'm in bed.

Being looked after.

My husbands are being so loving and supportive

Why am I like this?

Why do I crave answers to the point of destroying my mental health?

Our last conversation before this one was Him Admitting It. I wish I'd saved it. I wish I didn't delete that. It was Evidence. It was a Confession. And now I've got nothing to point to and say wtf dude!?

Why is this bothering me? Sitting with me? Why can't I just Let 👏 It 👏 Go!!!

It's made me emotional, mixed up, angry, soft, scared, alone.

Is this what he wanted??

-sigh-it's so lonely questioning what happened between two people when you're the only one that's hurt by it.

Was I wrong to be hurt by it?

Am I just confused?? I don't even fucking know myself now.

Just because of that dick.

Is this Him still trying to manipulate me?

I don't even know what's real anymore, am I wrong?

Seriously. Slap me. I'm an idiot. I'm so tired of this.