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hereforhalstead · 3 years

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Period Pains

*Gif not mine, credits to the owner*

• Pairing: Jay Halstead x Reader.

• Requested: Nope! Just fancied some soft!Jay

• Warnings: pure fluff besties

• Summary: Jay looks after you as you experience a rough period, unlike anything you’ve felt before.

• Words: 2482.

• A/N : When I tell you this is the ugliest thing I’ve ever written lmao. I’m so weak for soft!Jay at the moment and had just came on my period when i started this a few weeks ago.. I have a few ongoing requests at the moment that I’m working on, promise I’m not ignoring them but I just don’t want to post them until I’m happy with them!

Hope you enjoy!

You notice the bed beside you dip with Jay’s weight as he joins you, fresh from the shower as you feel the heat radiating from him. You attempt to shift and face him, craving the feeling of having your head against his chest with the rhythm of his heartbeat soothing you to sleep. You wince as a cramp hits your stomach, slinging your arm across your stomach as a natural reflex for when the wave of pain arises.

Jay places a hand on the edge of your shoulder, gripping round your skin as he moves your hair to one side to place a delicate kiss to the exposed shoulder blade “Stay facing that way, I’ll be able to rub your stomach” he whispers into the nape of your neck and causing a shiver to run down your spine at the softness of his words.

You happily do as you’re told, still in somewhat of a half consciousness as you doze in and out of sleep with the thought of knowing he was there beside you helping the pain drift away.

“Life your hips for me baby” he softly demands, encouraging you to lift your side for just a few seconds to allow him to slip his arm under you to rest a hand on your stomach “You’re burning up” he tuts, removing the hot water bottle you had pressed against you and placing it on the the other side of the bed “Don’t want you getting too warm, you’ll make yourself ill”.

His firm tone made your heart flutter, he always had your best interests at heart and made the smallest of actions seem natural to him. You’d happily let yourself curl up under a blanket with a hot water bottle until you were burning hot but it would always leave you feeling faint and you’d end up cooling off in a cold bath or shower which really defeated the object..

You laid in a comfortable silence with Jay, cursing under your breath as another wave of pain hit "Why am I a girl” you mocked, digging your head further into your pillow as some form of distraction. Jay would take it in his stride, dropping a kiss to your back and chuckling as you swear under your breath to take your mind off the intense cramps.

The motion of Jay rubbing his hand softly over your stomach didn’t stop, you expected it to after a while but it never did. He was constantly tracing shapes across your skin, running his fingernails back and forth under your shirt and laughing as you occasionally flinched if it tickled. Whether it was a placebo affect or not, the cramps would ease under his touch and helped you get a brief moment of sleep.

You awoke just under an hour later to an empty bed, turning over to see the covers thrown back and Jay’s side of the bed vacant made your heart sink. He was the one helping you through this and even though the painkillers had kicked in, you still missed him just being beside you.

You would often be the first one up in the mornings, heading to the gym before work or just wanting to be awake to make him a morning coffee meant you weren’t used to being in bed alone. He was always there with you, even when you teased him for how long the pair of you would spend in bed on your days off, you loved it and wouldn’t want it any other way.

In replacement of Jay’s hand, you must’ve reached for the hot water bottle in your sleep and that was a mistake. You were now sweating, the clothes clinging to your skin as it glistens with sweat, feeling clamy and gross wasn’t what you needed right now.

Trudging over to the bathroom and catching a glimpse of yourself in the mirror was an instant regret, you were hunched to try and relieve the cramps, hair disheveled and your body was covered in red blotches from the hot water bottle. If you didn’t feel horrendous before, you did now.

You always worried in your relationship that you weren’t good enough for Jay, he woke up and looked perfect, would finish an intense workout and look like a sports model or even concentrating on some paperwork he would look flawless and here you were looking the complete opposite.

You let out a deep sigh, running your fingers through your hair in some attempt to regain a sense of decency but there was no point. Your feelings were being intensified from your period and leaving you feeling worse than ever, wanting to curl up in bed and cry was seeming most appealing but before you can enjoy a good ole pity cry you hear the keys turning in the lock.

Quickly wiping the tears from your face and using Jay’s tshirt that you were currently wearing to try and remove the stains from your cheek was useless, you panicked. Jay seemed to have unnatural ability to tell when you’re not feeling yourself, and this is no exception. Just from taking one look at you he’d be able to tell you were upset and you didn’t want that to be the case, you’d already had a pity day and the last thing he needed was to see you were feeling worse.

You chugged some water that he had left on the side and took another glance at yourself in the mirror, the red blotches had made their way to your neck so were now much more visible and your normal cheery smile was no where to be seen.

“Baby?” you hear Jay call out, rustling around with some bags in the kitchen before making his way over to the room you shared. You were sat on the edge of the bed with your arms folded across your stomach, leant forward in pain as you rested your head on your knees.

His heart pulled at the sight, you were in pain and there was nothing he could do about it. He prided himself on always doing whatever he could to help you in any given situation and not being able to take away the hurt was killing him. He’d helped you through many periods in the past but this was the worst one by far, you’d be able to take some paracetamol and carry on but this was defeating you.

You barely had a chance to respond before you heard the footsteps getting louder as he made his way towards you, letting out a deep sigh as he sees you scrunched over in pain. The noise of bags rustling comes to a stop as he crouches down in front of you, resting his hand on the back of your neck and the other on your knee to hold himself steady as he balances.

“What happened baby?” his smooth voice was music to your ears, he didn’t even have to do anything and he was already soothing you more than you ever could. You sniffed before bringing your attention onto him, watching as his eyes soften when he see’s the redness in your cheeks and the hurt in your gaze.

“Nothing” you lie through your teeth, already knowing he won’t fall for it but thinking it was worth a shot. Instead of giving you the normal ‘are you forgetting how well I know you?’ speech, he simply tilted his head to the side and lifted his hand to rest on the side of your face with a doting look “We’ll talk about it later”.

You were grateful for how well he knew you, knowing not to push you and that you weren’t in the mood to be interviewed like a suspect. Normally you loved it, thinking it was cute how he always craved to prove how well he knew you and could tell you were off just by a simple look but in doing this he knew best to leave it until you were ready.

“Did you have to go back to work?” you question, still absentmindidly leaning into Jay’s touch as he gently moves his thumb back and forth to caress your cheekbone. A simple shake of his head made you smile, you were secretly hoping you’d have him to yourself so when you awoke to the empty bed you just assumed he’d been called in.

You couldn’t hide the frown that formed as he removed his hand and stood in front of you, reaching for something on the bed as you stayed hunched over below him. “I got your favourite ice cream” he comments, holding the tub out to you with a grin spreading on his face as your eyes light up “I thought they stopped selling it?” you questioned, already peeling off the plastic from the lid.

“They did in our local, I asked around and drove to the only place they said still sells it” the pride in his voice was unlike anything you’d heard before as he carried on rummaging around the bag before pulling out 3 more tubs “Didn’t know how many you wanted so I stocked up” he chuckled, placing the tubs back into the bag and watching as you nibble round the edge of the container, too impatient to wait for a spoon.

“You don’t want these then?” you looked round to see him holding a family size bag of crisps, a handful of candy bars and even a box of your favourite instant hot chocolate that you used to have as a child. “How did you know” you probe, reaching for the box and examining the text.

Struggling to remember the last time you saw the packaging in a shop, let alone holding it in your hands. The box feeling so much smaller than it used to from when you were young, bounding to the cashier with 5 or 6 boxes to buy with your pocket money.

“On our first date we passed a shop that sold them and I’ll never forget the look on your face. You told me how your mum would always make you one if you were having a bad day and they’d always make you feel better” he smiled and could feel the tears brimming in your eyes.

You and Jay had been together nearly 8 months and he still remembered the tinist detail from your first date, something you had even forgotten about. A little remark you made as you passed the shop on the way back to the car park, not thinking much of it as who would remember about a box of instant hot chocolate that probably didn’t even taste good? Jay did.

“Get into bed and I’ll get some bowls for these” he collects the items and puts them back into the bag, his tone still gentle despite the excitement you knew he had inside from presenting you with everything you needed without being asked.

You shook your head, standing to wrap your arms around his torso. Nestling your head into his chest as you feel it vibrate from a silent laugh “I told you to get into bed baby” you felt the shivers run down your spine as he rested his hand on the back of your head, allowing his hand to roam up and down your back in a soft motion.

“What did I do to deserve you” you mumble into his chest, feeling him rest his head on top of yours as his hand settled on your lower back to push you further into him “So I did good?” you could practically hear the smirk on his lips, pulling back to examine the glowing grin peering back at you as his eyes glistened.

You reached to place a light kiss to his lips, a soft kiss that told him everything he needed to know “Are you gonna make me tell you to get into bed again?” he joked, tapping your back to retract yourself from him. Begrugingly you did so, already feeling the slight cold from the lack of contact you now craved from him.

Picking the bags up from the bed to pull back the blanket, you felt the weight of something still in the bottom. You opened the carriers to see what must’ve been atleast 5 boxes of different sanitary products rolling around in the bags “What’s this?” you asked, confused as to why he went out of his way to buy you the snacks but you never would’ve expected him to know what products to buy you, or atleast try and guess as you always joked about how little men knew about the whole thing.

“I didn’t know if you needed any” his voice was timid, reaching to rub the back of his neck with his hand which was a sign of nervousness you’d picked up on over the past few months . “Jay, how much do you think I bleed?” you were grateful to see the corners of his lips lift in a smile “Well, I realised I’ve never bought you any so I wanted to get a few so I had more of a chance of getting the right ones” he admitted, your hands falling to your sides as you allowed the bag to drop to the floor.

Your feet were bounding over to him before you could even think, all you wanted to do was throw your arms around him as you had no words for everything he had done. “I can’t believe how much I love you” your voice slightly cracked as you felt the lump rise to your throat, as much as Jay loved to care for you, you never would've expected this.

“I’m sorry I can’t take the pain away” you felt him plant a kiss to the top of your head, another one of his small guestures that made you week at the knees without him even knowing. “You’ve helped more than you’ll ever know” you smiled into him, cringing at your cheesy confession but knowing he loves to hear these things from you, adding to his ego of how well he looks after you.

You both stood in a comfortable silence, basking in each other presence with the simplicity of the background noises coming from the streets below. From someone looking on, the way you were standing probably didn’t look very comfortable. The way you were entangled together, your arms hanging from his neck as his moved around your body to press his fingertips in the various parts he knew you were probably feeling pain. When Jay finally breaks the silence, he mutters the words that at the moment sounded better than ‘i love you’ when they fell from his lips “Do you want some ice cream, baby?”

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bobbys-naughty-corner · 3 years

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Bokuto Koutarou x Reader

This is a alpha x omega fic.

Warning: smut. That all 😘

My fingers dig deep into my cunt. The back and palm of my hand wet from touching myself so much. My moans muffled as I bite my large body pillow. Alone, I must deal with my heat. It’s going on the third day and the medication still doesn’t seem to work. Why now? Why out of all times did they want to give me placebos when I’m not home. My head pounds as the blood rushes to my brain. A small gland stimulated to keep me vulnerable and needy. “Fuck.” I let out, panting as my hips try to ride my fingers. I left all my toys at home, figuring I’d have no use for them while away at college. The dark room hides my naked body but it doesn’t silence my pants or wanton moans. Luckily I have a single room and don’t have to worry about anyone barging in. But that doesn’t stop guest from knocking at my door.

A soft triple knock freezes my body. My hips still and my fingers recoil. ‘Who could that be?’ I thought. A horrible thought crosses my mind before the person behind the door speaks. “Hey, YN, you in there?” They say. I immediately recognize the voice, Bokuto. The star athlete at the school who lives right next door. My body jumps up and I nearly run to the door. Not bothering to bring a blanket or to put on a shirt, before I open the door I think to myself. ‘What am I doing?’ There was no rational thought in my head when my hand turns the door knob. I pull the door open and the hallway light nearly brightens my entire room. I force myself to keep the door slightly open only. When he sees my hot face he steps closer. “Are you okay? I was hearing, noises, do you need help?” He asked me. I could see his eyes quickly look down to my bare shoulder. I was so entranced by his body I didn’t even respond. The shirt he wore, was perfectly tight on him, flattering his muscles.

He takes a deep breath and smirk, smelling the arousal off me. “Do you want MY help?” He offers. My eyes look up to his face, I nod and he’s already in my room. His hands pulling my face towards his as he kisses me with intentions to make me weak. Shuddering under him my hands cling to his clothes. Clutching the fabric and pulling on it to hint that I wanted him as naked as me. “It hurts.” I tell him. My body hot like a flaming candle, releasing the sweetest smell he’d never knew existed. He quickly picks up my body as if I weighed nothing. I hold onto him, scared to let go. Squeezing him tightly in my arms to bring him closer, my hips grinding against the tent in his pants. Wetting the thin fabric of his pajamas allowing me to feel his thick cock right underneath. “Easy baby, I know. I’ll make the pain go away.” He says as he holds onto me almost just as tightly. I whine and bury my head in his neck. Slightly embarrassed for being so desperate.

Bokuto carries me to my bed. Before he gets on the mattress he pulls down his pants. It plops to the floor and I moan feeling his dick right against my folds. He steps out of the heap of clothes as he crawls into my bed. Laying me on my back. My hips rocking up and down trying to get his tip to catch my wet hole already. “Don’t be shy, let me see you.” He coos at me, kissing my shoulder as he tries to get me to let go of him. His hands were so gentle, and his lips were so nice. My body relaxes and I let go. “Good girl. Now spread your legs, I wanna see how wet you are.” He tells me. I grip my thick thighs and pull them back, holding myself open to his gaze. But before he can look and appreciate, he removes his shirt. His muscles flexing as he lifts up his arms. My eyes glued to his beautiful body. A sight I’ve been dying to see ever since I met him.

His shirt is tossed somewhere in the dark room. When he finally looks down at me his eyes widened. Seeing my waiting body, lip between caught between my teeth as I bite myself patiently waiting for him to touch my body. “So beautiful.” He whispers as his hands come down to touch my thighs. Watching as my pussy drools and twitch. “Another time.” He whispers. Promising himself to see me fully in better light on another day. Dragging his hands down to my fat ass, moving back to lay on his abdomen. “Hurry, touch me.” I tell him, as if time is running out. He laughs a little, pressing his lips beside my wet folds. His mouth opens and his tongue comes out. A long lick of his flattened tongue makes me gasp and fall back. Relaxing my body as I feel the first slow swipe of his tongue. From my quivering hole to my throbbing clit. To which he latches onto and slightly sucks on to get a reaction from me. As expected, my body jumps and I let out a hitched moan. Hands reaching for his hair to pull him closer. Feet planted flat on the bed to help me rock my hips over his mouth.

Third pov

He’s been waiting on this day. The first time he’d help you through a heat. He didn’t need you to tell him you wanted more, neither was he going to make you beg him for it. You don’t have to move or cry (unless it felt too good), just moan and enjoy it. His arms wrapped around your thighs and he pushed his legs up to get him on his knees before suddenly pulling your body with his. Sitting up, still keeping his tongue on your sensitive pearl. You yelped out of shock, unable to really think about the position change before your brain switches priorities. Your clit sends body shuddering waves of pleasure through your body. Your thighs try to close but he keeps you spread as he eats you out. His eyes catching yours, watching your eyebrows furrow and sexy moans leave your lips. Cute eyes staring back at him, watching him as he pleasures you. Catching him smirk then wink. One of his hands then quickly releases a leg and he sticks a finger in your hole. Slowly sliding his long digit into your pussy. You arch your back and then slump against him, trying to buck your hips at the double assaults on your coochie.

His finger deep within you, rubbing at your walls looking for that sensitive part. Pulling back his finger he twists his hand and plunges back into your hole. Your moans hitch when he passes over a particular spot. He growls knowing he got it. Looking for it again he makes you push at his head. “Stop!” You shout. Your belly bloating and a pressure builds and feels like it’s about to snap. Of course Bokuto doesn’t listen, he knows you’re close. The way you tighten around his finger is more than enough proof to your incoming orgasm. “I have to pee!” You whine. This would be the only time he’d ever ignore you. Your moaning gets louder and louder and he continues, not speeding up the pace or being rough. Keeping his finger on that spot, rubbing and poking it just to break the dam he’d built in you. His mouth releases your clit, it wasn’t over though, his thumb pushes and rubs your clit in circles. “Cum, it’ll feel good. I promise.” He promises, he stares at you. Drawn to how sexy you looked even in the dark, how arousing you sound and how needy your hands feel as you still hold onto his hair. And as if the finishing touch, he bites onto your thigh. Causing your body to shake as your orgasm convulses your body and release your juices onto his hand. His hands still dragging out the ecstasy of the orgasm as you still convulse against him. “Good girl. That feels good right. Yeah, I bet.” He finally stops, pulling away his hand slowly and lowering your hips to the bed.

He moves up your body, softly kissing you wherever he saw fit. Your naval, both of your nipples, your collar bone and the shell of your ear all felt the gentleness of his lips. You lie under him, breathing heavily, a bit flushed because it’s your first time squirting but satisfied non the least. A smile comes across your face as you feel his lips. He pushes his body up to look you deep in your eyes. Eyes flickering to your panting lips a few times before staying focused on your orbs. “Can I knot you?” He questions. A pleading look on his face as he just chants “please say yes please say yes please say yes.” In his head. It was wrong to ask you now, but he couldn’t help himself. This could be his only opportunity. Considering how far you are into your heat and post orgasm you nodded. He pressed his lips to yours and put his hands in yours. Entangling his fingers with yours, deepening the kiss with his tongue. He grinds his cock over your still sensitive clit. Eliciting a moan from you.

End third pov

He pulls back from the kiss and stares me down again. Confessing his true feelings for me as he rocks his hips over mine. His hot dick rubbing my clit, making me groan under him. “You’re so beautiful YN. I wanted to be with you and do this for a long time. I love you and I want you to be ready for this. Are you ready?” He draws his hips back until his tip falls between my folds. Until he considers himself lined up with my vagina. “I’m ready.” I tell him, squeezing his hands once for reassurance. But before he goes any further I stop him. “Wait,” his head looks up to stare at me. Eyes searching for any look of pain on my face or any signs of distress. “What happened?” He questions. “I love you too.” I confess. His hands squeeze mine, I guess from excitement. He looks down to make sure he’s still in position and begins to push his hips forward. A slight painful discomfort makes my face contort like I ate a lemon. I groan lowly and he comforts me. “I know I know. You can bite my shoulder if you want.” He says, letting go of my hands so I can immediately wrap them under his arms. “Nngh, you’re so tight and so wet. Good omega, fuuck, almost there.” He pants and tries to hold back moans. His hands gripping the sheets beside me. Teeth clenched as he pushes all of his length into my hole.

He pauses, only for a bit. Stopping right where I think his knot will grow. Holding onto me tightly, quietly growling behind my ear. My tears on his skin, pooling warmly. It hurt, like a pinch between sharp nails, internally. His hips claps against mine as he just pushes the rest of himself inside of me. I gasp a moan, taking the pain. He pulls back his hips while kissing my neck, whispering praises into my skin. The pain dulling and pleasure over taking me. “You sound so sexy. Does it feel that good?” He teases a little. “You feel so perfect around me.” He looks down and follows the bounce of my nipple with his eyes. His hand comes to grab it and twists. An electric shock in the nerves makes my back arch and a loud moan to exit my mouth. A sudden outburst that makes me cover my mouth with both of my hands, blushing heavily. He grins at me, a goofy grin like he’s excited about something.

He twist my nipple back and lowered his head to my other boob. Should I mention that they’re both quite sensitive and tender. But he just seems to make everything feel so nice. As if he was just what my body needed and wanted. Or he was just coincidentally really good at this. “Don’t hold out on me now. Move your hands.” He pulls my hands from my mouth and keeps them be in the mattress. “Bokuto.” I moan his name. “Yes? Don’t be shy, you can say it louder.” He pulls his hips back and quickly sends it back like a rubber band being stretched and released. “Ahh! Ooh!” I moan from his fast pace and he moans too. “Ah fuck, oh that’s new.” He notices how my walls flutter around him. A new feeling on his cock that nearly makes him stop to compose himself. “Gah! Does it hurt?” He asks me, looking to see me. No, it didn’t hurt. On the contrary actually, it felt amazing. “F-feels,mm, good. Feels so good, Alpha.” I tell him. His hips stutter but he finds his pace again. “Say that again.” He tells me.

“You’re making my body feel so good. Alpha~.” I cry out when he twists my nipple again. This time tugging it at the same time. My heart pounds in my chest, like a timer. Thumping against my rib cage and ready to just explode. His cock hits deeper and harder. Touching my cervix with animalistic thrusts. He smirks and sits up, using one hand to hold my waist and th other her brings over my pelvis. Trying to push his dick under his hand, poking and sliding against my walls. After doing so a few times he drags his hand down and puts his thumb on my clit, slowly and firmly rubbing my bundle of nerves. My hips jump feeling the last of what I needed to orgasm. “Oh God!” I shout as my walls swell around his dick. Bokuto forces himself to stop, watching as my body convulsed for the second time as I came again. I try to raise my hips to remove his dick but he quickly grabs my hips. “Where are you going baby? I’m not done, I still have to put my knot in you.” His tip just barely staying sucked inside of my worn hole as he helps turn me over. Being extra careful not to let his tip fall out. Shoving pillows under my hips before I completely land on my stomach.

“Thank you.” He kissed my shoulder. “Why?” I manager to muster through my exhausted breathing. “For allowing me to make you mine.” His hips start to move again. A slow pace with harsh thrusts. My body just ignites again. “Ahhnnn!” I groan. My pussy felt raw but he kept going. “I’ll mark you,” he continues behind my back. His voice deepens and becomes a little gutteral. My pussy just drips from hearing him speak like that. “Knot you,” I clutch onto the pillows in front of me and try to keep my noises muffled. “Mmph, Nngh!” I moan into the pillow. He whispers something too low for me to hear and then his pace quickens. Not only is he going faster but his girth seems to swell. His hands begin to rock my hips with his, every thrust forward he pulls me back ready to meet another. Our drench bodies clapping together, if any outsider were to hear they’d most definitely know what we’re doing. “Fuck, I’m close!” He shouts, his knot getting larger after each thrust. My hole stretches to fit it. Getting wetter just thinking about how it must look.

His nails digs into my skin. “Mine mine mine.” He presses his body on my back. Fucking me into the mattress. “I love you, fuck!” His hips speed up, as if that’s possible. Pounding my ass like a used sex doll. I try to say ‘I love you’ back but I can only make lewd noises that would definitely get us in trouble by the RA. My eyes rolls back and my legs stretch straight. Slowly closing under him, making it impossible for him to push in his knot. He tries though, keeping his fast pace and hard thrusts. Simultaneously wrapping his hand around my knee and pulling up my leg. My hole widens and his cock gets deeper. He growls and presses his other hand into the arch of my back. Fucking me into a euphoric state and forcing me to have another orgasm from penetration alone. “MNNNMNMN!” My voice escapes through my bitten lips and bounces with his thrust. “Oh God, I’m cumming!” His knot thickens until he can’t pull out anymore. Pushing his length deep inside me. My walls spasming from my orgasm. His seed coating my insides and overflowing onto my bed.

Bokuto drops my leg. Sighing heavily as he releases a satisfied moan. Kissing the back of my head before laying his weight on me. He was heavy as hell but I could care less. My mind was completely fucked out. My body says sleep but I couldn’t as Bokuto kept grinding his dick in me. “My god I love you so much.” He squeezes me and leaves kisses on my neck until I eventually fall asleep.

#x reader smut #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu smut #bokuto kotaro smut #bokuto x yn #bokuto x reader smut #koutarou x reader #bokuto koutarou x reader #koutarou smut #kotaro x reader #hq koutarou #bokuto thirst

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young-dumb-and-vaccinated · 3 years

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Cult Girl: Doctorate (Hannibal x Female!Reader) pt. 6

Positive

Cult girl and Hannibal find a way to turn a life-altering mistake to their favor.

@wisesandwichshark

Trigger warnings: accidental pregnancy, discussion of abortion, adoption, slight emetophobia

Another week passed and the 'hangover' didn't subside. Then a third week passed, so you had to give up the façade and just admit you were sick. Hannibal was smugly concerned, but not alarmed. It paid to have a doctor for a fiancé. Studying could be done from bed and you needed to be in perfect working order to burn down your grandmother's country club and fully enjoy it.

Hannibal wasn't so much of a hypochondriac that he denied you affection while bed-ridden. That, or he didn't believe what you had was contagious. Whatever it was.

It wasn't until you woke up late, just days before the start of the new semester, that you discovered. You hobbled blindly to the bathroom to take your medicine. You were fully prepared to drop to your knees and vomit in the toilet and you wanted nothing more than to return to bed and slip back into sweet unconsciousness. Not even microdosing meth could keep you awake.

You slid your birth control packet out of its sleeve. You were halfway through the green placebo pills, so you were sure that didn't help how miserable you felt. This period sure had a hell of a build-up.

That's when a number caught your eye.

It was a number you weren't even previously aware existed. A date on your birth control packet. Dated three months prior.

You weren't lucid enough to comprehend what it meant, but once it hit you, you spit the pill into the sink.

Expired. You thought. How the fuck do pills expire?

No. No. No. No.

"[F/N]?" Hannibal said. "Is everything okay?"

"Yeah." You called back. "I... just need to take a shower."

You turned the faucet on. It was a bad lie and he would figure it out eventually, but you couldn't involve him. Not yet. You needed a minute alone to think.

You found the pregnancy test you stashed under the sink all those years ago. You double-checked the lock, then began the test. There was no romantic or even palatable way to describe the process of peeing on a stick, quietly as possible, to avoid your frankly terrifying fiancé's notice. Once it was done, you wrapped the still-loading test in toilet paper and shoved it back under the sink.

You had no idea how long it would take to give you a result. Or if waiting four years to use it would give you a false result. There was so much you didn't know.

You jumped into the shower and washed up, trying to push all thoughts of panic out of your head. It didn't work. You went right into bury-the-body mode. A fall down the stairs could best pass for an accident, but had the unintended consequences of severe bodily harm. You wondered if those special herbal teas actually worked and where you'd find one. Or, instead of investing in gimmicky, pseudo-scientific abortion teas or throwing yourself down a flight of stairs, you could just talk to him.

You sat on the bathroom floor in a towel for what felt like hours, holding the mummified pregnancy test between your fingers. It took all your strength to rip through the tissue paper and confirm what you already knew.

A big, obnoxious pink plus sign. Almost like it was rubbing it in.

Your head was screaming just talk to him. He was your goddamn fiancé. The man you were going to spend the rest of your life with. But you couldn't tell him. Not after what he said at the country club.

"Hannibal?" You called out, voice weak. "Can you come here, please?"

He opened the bathroom door to find you huddled against the sink wearing nothing but a towel. It was a sight that would make anyone freak out.

"My god, [F/N]." He took a knee beside you. "Are you hurt? Did you hit your head?"

You gestured to the pregnancy test at your side. You hugged your knees into your chest and waited for him to process everything.

He looked at you with an unreadable expression. "I thought you were on birth control?"

You covered your face with your hands. "I did too. Nobody told me that the pills actually expire."

Then came the question that you were dreading.

"What do you want to do?"

That was why you were hesitant to tell him. Not because he would try to make a decision for you, but because he wouldn't.

"I don't know." You blurted out. "What do you want to do?"

Hannibal raised his eyebrows. "You know I can't tell you that. You need to decide for yourself."

"That's what I was afraid you were going to say." You threw your head back in exasperation. "I'm just asking for a little direction. You said you definitely wanted to have kids-"

"Not like this." He cut you off. "Not when it would derail your entire career.”

“Look, you know I was on the fence about having kids at all.” You rambled, just trying to collect your thoughts. “But then you described what you wanted for us and it just sounded so nice.”

“Darling, I am begging you,” He pressed his fingers to his temples. “Please, decide for yourself and only yourself.”

“I’m trying!” You objected. “I just need a second to think.”

“Don’t think, just answer.” He implored. “What do you want to do?”

“I want to get an abortion.” You blurted out before slapping your hand over your mouth.

“Was that really so hard to say?” Hannibal asked, voice broken with relief. Relief of what, you couldn’t place.

You couldn’t bring yourself to make eye contact with him. “It was, a little.”

“Why?” He tilted his head curiously. “And please don’t say it was because of me.”

“I don’t know.” You shrugged, hiding your face again. “I just learned I was pregnant, like, five minutes ago. I shouldn’t be expected to make a choice this massive without at least ten minutes to think about it.”

“Do you really want to get an abortion?” He asked.

Your voice wobbled with uncertainty. “No... yes?”

“I see.” He said, as if this were just a point of academic curiosity that didn’t involve him whatsoever. “Is there a part of you, no matter how small, that wants to see the pregnancy to term?”

“Well, yeah. Thus the basis of my uncertainty.” You threw your hands up. “But I also know it’s insanely unrealistic to think I could just speedrun my last two years of school and however long it takes to establish a career just to get to the domestic bliss.”

“You would do good to not expect motherhood to be a blissful retirement plan, love." Hannibal gently scorned. "Parenting takes just as much commitment as your studies. Likely more."

"I know." You bashed your palms against your forehead. "I said it was unrealistic, didn't I? Look, I just don't foresee any worthwhile outcomes if I carry this pregnancy to term. Even to put it up for adoption just seems selfish. Why bring a kid into the world just to set them up for a shitty life?"

Hannibal paused, and looked off into the distance pensively.

"If you could forgive me a hypothetical," He began. "What if we could guarantee them a wonderful life?"

"Are we talking philosophy, or do you have an actual suggestion?" You probed.

"A bit of both, depending on where your mind takes you." He smirked as if he were about to say something very clever. "What if Beatrice [L/N]'s estate made sure our child had a safe, comfortable upbringing? With a weighty college trust fund in their name, naturally."

You couldn't tell if this was brilliant or insane. It all depended on how 'hypothetical' the whole situation really was. Either way, you were interested.

"Go on." You urged, letting the idea slither into your mind.

"There's nothing in the will that specifically states we must raise the child ourselves." He recounted. "Only that it must be of blood descent."

You hadn't considered that, but it made sense once you heard it out loud. Your grandmother had many skills to make her a sharp manipulator, but her inattention to detail was always her downfall.

“Forty-five million extra dollars in the bank would be nice.” You said. You were humoring him at first, but when you said it out loud, it rang true.

“Forty-five is drops in the bucket compared to what we can get from her property.” He added. “The house and the golf course.”

You put your hand on your chin, actually, seriously considering it. You were on the precipice of inheriting more money than you could possibly spend in one lifetime. Money that could make so many problems go away overnight. Money you could hand out to anyone you wanted to, just to make their lives a little easier. You pictured yourself giving waitstaff six-figure tips, or handing a hundred dollar bill to someone asking for change on the street. You could erase your best friend's college debt as a birthday present. Get Hannibal a proper gift. All with money you bled out of your abusers.

It was divine justice. All at the price of nine months of your life.

"So..." Your voice trailed off. "We just need to keep this thing alive for the next nine months..."

"We can find an adoptive family in that time." Hannibal nodded along. "And we can set up a college fund for the child to be given to them on their 18th birthday."

"And we could make the adoption open, in case the child ever wants to meet us." You said.

"Right." He agreed. "Allowing the option for an adoptee to meet their biological parents is much better for their mental health and adjustment."

You covered your mouth with your hand, only to hide your excitement. "I take it back, I'm starting to see a positive outcome."

#hannibal lecter #hannibal x you #hannibal x reader #hannibal nbc #cult girl doctorate #cult girl 2 #cult girl #tw abortion #tw pregnancy #accidental pregnancy

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kalstar · 3 years

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What my Genshin Team members would say about each other

Featuring Jean, Bennett, Chongyun, and Xiao

A/N: This is basically what I think they would say about each other in those "about ___" voice lines in the game. The setting is you the traveler, have put Jean, Bennet, Chongyun, and Xiao in one team. This is what they think about each other after a couple months of fighting and adventuring alongside each other. Is this where I slowly turn into a writing blog?

Tw: mentions of death (?) (no one dies it's just Xiao being mean)

Word count: 2.3k

Story (?) under the cut

Jean

About Bennett

"Bennett? I think he's very charismatic. I hear that he goes on adventures on his own, it must be hard dealing with everything by yourself; he seems like a very independent individual. I think he would make a great member of the Knights of Favonius in the future if he so chooses.

I very much admire his perseverance and positivity. Even when we were faced with near-death experiences, he could still laugh and brush it off as if it was nothing. He always manages to cheer everyone up. It's great having someone like him to boost our morale on the team.

I've heard a little bit about his past from the Adventurer's Guild… How he was found as a baby barely holding on to life… without having any real parents and that extremely bad luck of his, I truly hope that we're able to at least bring him a bit of comfort. I should check up on the Adventurer's Guild every once in a while... "

About Chongyun

"Hm, Chongyun is quite the strange one. At first, I was always so confused on why he always stayed in the shade and it really concerned me how much ice cream he was eating at a time… but then he told me about his congenital positivity and it made a bit more sense. It's strange how this condition of his works, I've never heard anything like that in Mondstadt before. I wonder if we can find a cure for it.

He seems to be very invested in his training as a martial artist and as an exorcist. He's constantly pushing himself to be better and learning how to control his condition. He always asks me about how to train or how to be stronger. I hear he's already the best exorcist in Liyue, I can only imagine the heights he can reach as he continues to grow.

Chongyun reminds me a lot of myself when I was younger. I was very focused on my training and kept pushing myself to the limit. It's quite nostalgic to see that side of me living through someone else. I hope that he can achieve his goals in the future, I think he very much deserves it."

About Xiao

" I thank you, traveler, for giving me the opportunity to fight alongside someone as powerful as Adeptus Xiao. It truly is an honor to be working with him. I never thought I would live long enough to see gods of another region, but you've made that possible. I am in your debt.

Adeptus Xiao is truly one of the strongest fighters I've ever seen. I've only heard stories about the power of Adepti, but to see it with your own eyes is truly a once-in-a-lifetime experience. The way he gracefully moves on the battlefield with seemingly little effort is truly inspiring.

When the other boys are asleep, we often have long conversations over the fire. We would talk about our troubles and worries over the campfire, hearing the wisdom of someone as wise as him, it brought a bit of comfort. There is a lot about Adeptus Xiao that I don't know, especially about this "karmic debt", but I hope that we'll be able to help him get through it."

Bennett

About Jean

“It’s really awesome that I get to fight with someone as cool as Master Jean, and it’s all thanks to you traveler! I always travel alone, so to think that I can go on adventures with someone as amazing as her, maybe I’m not so unlucky after all! I hope my bad luck doesn’t get in the way of our adventures though hehe.

Don’t tell anyone, but I always try my best to impress Master Jean hehe. I always put out my best effort whenever she’s around, not that I don’t usually, but you get what I mean right? I make sure to hit the enemies harder and my fire burns longer! I know it’s silly but if I impress her, do you think she’d let the Adventurers Guild team up with the Knights of Favonius?

She can be a bit intimidating with how strict she can seem sometimes but she cares about everyone a lot! She always makes sure that everyone is doing alright and if they ever need anything. She's taught me about a lot of things, like how to better treat my wounds, what plants are safe for eating, and how to better hit weak spots of enemies. She's just so cool!"

About Chongyun

"Chongyun? I think he's super cool and strong!! Do you see how big his claymore is?? How can he just swing it around so quickly AND he can summon even more swords from the sky! Man, I wish I could do that, maybe more people would want to join my adventure team. I should train with him and ask for tips.

Both Chongyun and I can't eat spicy foods and Chongyun can't even eat anything warm, so we try to be careful of what we eat. Though there has been a couple of times where his condition, I think it's called "Congenital Positivity", started acting up after we ate something hot in Liyue. He acted all hyper and energetic, it's like he was drunk or something. Thankfully I could give him a popsicle before Adpetus Xiao could throw him in a cold river.

Since Chongyun is the best exorcist in Liyue, I asked him if he could get rid of my bad luck with his cool exorcist powers. He used these blue talismans and made a summoning circle thing with his hands, it was so awesome! I think it worked! For like… an hour… but it was still really cool!"

About Xiao

"To be honest, I was really scared of Adeptus Xiao at first... He looks like he could kill me just by his sharp stares! It sends shivers down my spine sometimes... I didn't know much about legends in Liyue since I never really travel far from Mondstadt, but after fighting with him for a while, I can see that he's definitely really strong; he's probably the strongest person I know!

Sometimes I find him looking really sad and when I get the courage to ask him what's wrong he always says that it's none of my concern... I've overheard a few of your conversations with him, something to do with "Karmic Debt" and his burden to carry or something? I don't know much about Adeptus Xiao's past but I wish he would stop being so hard on himself...

Whenever we rest after a really hard fight, I always offer to heal up his wounds. I know what it’s like to get hurt a lot of the time, so I try my best to help patch him up. He wouldn’t let me treat his wounds at first, but over time he warmed up to me and I make sure he always feels better by the end of it!"

Chongyun

About Jean

"It's an honor to be fighting alongside someone as important as Master Jean, I wouldn't have this chance if it wasn't for you traveler, I don't know how I could ever repay you! I don't know much about Mondstadt but it's very interesting to learn more about the areas of the world, maybe our exorcist services could reach their people someday as well.

The first time I saw Master Jean fight on the battlefield I was truly starstruck. She was able to control her movements so well while also supporting all of us; it was amazing! I also heard that she was able to take down five ruin guards on her own, she must train very hard every day to be able to do that...

Being able to meet and fight with Master Jean has been a motivating experience. I hope I can learn much more from her and maybe become as skilled and strong as her one day. She's quickly become a role model for me and I highly respect and admire her. Again, thank you very much for this opportunity traveler!

About Bennett

"Ah, Bennett? I think it's really nice having someone my age on the team that I can easily talk to. Sometimes we exchange stories and legends from our hometowns. I'm glad I get to share more of Liyue with other people and it's also very fascinating to listen to the stories of Mondstadt. It just shows how diverse Teyvat can really be.

Bennett's passion can be a bit much sometimes so I need to keep my distance... I hope he doesn't notice, I know many people tend to avoid him because of his bad luck but I hope he doesn't think of me like that. I just... don't want to embarrass myself in front of everyone ahaha...

Bennett says that ever since we started adventuring together his bad luck has decreased. He thinks that I bring him more good luck and that I’m his “good luck charm”, I think that might just be placebo, but I appreciate the sentiment. Maybe one day it would be possible to exorcise one's bad luck. He would definitely be the first I test it on if I ever figure it out."

About Xiao

"To be honest, I wasn't very pleased when I found out he was on our team. Of course, I have the utmost respect for him, my family and the Adepti have been exorcising evil for generations, but his demeanor isn't one that I'm particularly fond of... But, after spending more time with him, I realize that we have more in common than I thought.

Though Adeptus Xiao is definitely a very skilled and powerful warrior, he can be a bit... strange... We were in Dragonspine one day and I saw him try to eat the snow. I gave him one of my popsicles instead and he looked so confused. He seemed to enjoy it but I guess there are even some things that Adepti don’t know about.

I've gotten to know him a bit more and though there are still many secrets that he holds, I realize that he just wants to protect Liyue like the rest of the exorcists. He seems to face his own struggles and demons as well, whenever he looks more down than usual, I offer him some of my Qingxin infused water and it seems to calm him down a bit. I'm glad that I can at least help him a little bit in any way that I can."

Xiao

About Jean

"At first I thought she was just any other human, but you told me she was the leader of the people of Mondstadt, I quickly realized there was more to her than meets the eye. She's a very skilled fighter on the battlefield, it's impressive to see a human fight with such strength and skill. I've only ever seen that kind of power from you, traveler.

The people of Mondstadt are very lucky to have someone like her to lead them. She can work well with just about anyone. She was brave enough to ask me to spar with her at one point. I assumed she had a death wish but she can carry herself very well and never holds back.

Often times she asks me for advice about a lot of different things. I keep telling her that I'm not a teacher nor a fountain of wisdom, just an Adeptus. Though from what I can see, she seems to be stressed over a lot of the little things that go on in Mondstadt, if this keeps up she’ll burn herself out."

About Bennett

"That Bennett... he can be very overbearing. How can a human be so happy when their life has only been filled with turmoil. It confuses me and I can never understand what sort of tricks he's trying to pull on me... He has such a passion for adventuring but knowing his luck he's going to get himself killed at some point...

Honestly, I pity him. No one dares to go on adventures with him anymore, why hasn't he given up and moved on to something else? You humans are always so confusing. You find it admirable, I think it's just asinine. Though... I guess he is quite a skilled adventurer, it would be ignorant of me to not acknowledge his skills on and off the battlefield.

It annoys me that he can just live without a care in the world. How can one have such bad luck? He’s just… always one step away from death. How has a mortal survived for this long when the archons hate him so much. It truly irritates me how reckless he can be and leaves me to save him at the last second..."

About Chongyun

"It brings me a bit of peace of mind to know that there is another person from Liyue with us. I don't feel... as much of an outcast... I hear that he's from a family of exorcists. I've never paid much mind to the affairs of humans, though because we share similair duties, it was unavoidable that I would cross paths with them at some point.

I must admit that it's fascinating how he exorcises demons. While I exorcise demons and monsters with my spear, he seems to exorcise evil spirits... just by being present... I never knew that such things were possible. I hear it was because of his congenital positivity, I think it's an impressive skill, though he seems to treat it as a curse of his own.

It’s strange, whenever Chongyun is around their screams and cries don’t sound as loud as they usually would be. It’s as if all my years of karmic debt and demons within slowly fade away into nothingness. Maybe it's the cooling aura that he always carries with him or the Qingxins he brings back. I wonder if he actually has anything to do with it."

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hillbillyoracle · 4 years

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How Magic Works and Why It’s Important

I realized recently that some people may not understand the main underpinnings of how magic works across different paradigms. The psychological model is so widespread that much of Witchblr seems to think that it is the basis of all magic which brings them into conflict with folks who are working in fundamentally different systems. When the psychological model is taken as the only model, it leads to folks being disrespectful and then reactive when they're told as much. I really hate to keep seeing it happen like this so in an effort smooth out the dialog a little, I thought I'd let people know the lay of the land a little so people know what they're walking into.

Psychological Model

The psychological model posits that magic works by changing our inner world. Some people go so far as to call it a placebo effect. To be clear, this isn't to say that people who hold to a psychological model of magic believe it isn't real necessarily. It's more that that they tend to see the reality of magic is primarily cognitive.

This is quite a bit of mainstream Witchblr. It's also one of the most recent and modern and isn't rooted in many long standing traditions as far as I can tell. Spells for confidence or for self care. Astrology that's primarily focused on explaining your personality. The emphasis on intent alone as what manifests change. All of this is psychological and self oriented in nature.

Spirit Model

The spirit model is one of the oldest models I know of. There are a couple variations and I can't claim to know the finer points of them all. A lot of ceremonial and traditional witchcraft folks fall into this category. It mainly posits that magic works by getting spirits to carry out work for you.

Sometimes this is through offerings, pacts, or worship. Sometimes it's through binding. With many practices in between. Different systems often work with different spirits. Local dead, planetary spirits, angels, saints, spirits of the land - the spirit model posits that they are real and can act on the material and spiritual world.

Belief Model

The belief model posits that our belief in something makes it so. That's an oversimplification but at it's core, that's what it is.

It is distinct from the intent model. The intent model is built more on individual will that doesn't necessarily have a distinct belief accompanying it. This model also isn't psychological. People who use this model aren't saying well I believe it and it changes how I perceive things and that's how I make things work. No, this model says belief warps the fabric of the universe.

As you might have caught on, this is the basis that a lot of chaos magicians work from. Belief isn't simply a conviction in this model, gnosis is key. Gnosis is a type of single pointed concentration or altered consciousness harnessed through various methods to essentially hack the source code of the universe. The belief model cannot be separated from the concept of gnosis in my book. It's foundational.

Why It Matters

While yes, it's definitely possible for these models to overlap and they aren't inherently incompatible, where I see so many people going sideways is when they assume everyone is working from a psychological model. This is especially bad because many folks are taking the aesthetics of magic born of the spirit or belief models and passing it off as if it is all psychological and then frustrated when those groups both point that out and say it won't work.

Sigil magic is a really good example of this. One thing I was completely stunned by when I came back to Tumblr was how many people believed that just inscribing a sigil on something would be sufficient for change. Sigils are found in both belief oriented systems and spirit oriented systems and how they work is so far beyond what is presented so often. So many writers here argue essentially "it works because I think this is how it should work" - which isn't how any other part of life works as far as I can tell and I don't know why magic would be different. This is where the idea that magic is in the mind conflicts so heavily with these other models.

This is related to the other issue I have with how wide spread the psychological model is it's aversion to proof and reproducibility which are highly valued in spirit and belief systems. I have not talked to any of people who've used sigils with the intent model successfully in a reproducible and externally verifiable way. I'm not saying they're not out there, like maybe it's possible.

But usually when I talk to folks about this, the conversation quickly devolves into validity. "But this is valid" people will say. The problem is each of these models have differing ideas of what valid is. A lot can be valid under the psychological model. But much less is valid in the other models. A wide scope of validity is great at making people feel better about themselves which makes sense for a model so focused on the self as the beginning and end of magic. But a narrow scope is much more effective for folks looking to reliably enact change in the physical world.

And this is such a difficult line to tread because so many people hear that and get defensive. This is where shadow work needs to come into play. People need to really be honest about what they're doing and where they fall in these groups. What are you willing to sacrifice to get what you want? How do you know your spells are working? What role does your ego/narrating self play into your perception of what's possible with magic?

Since I talk a lot about shadow work on this blog, let me leave you with this question in particular. Are you lowering your expectations of what's possible in magic to support your narrative that you are doing magic? I'm not shaming anyone with this. I absolutely was at one point in my life. And that was even after having direct experiences with possession and remote viewing. I lowered my expectation because I wanted to feel like I was good enough. I was good enough as a person, but that didn't make my magic effective. And I could hold both those truths at the same time. I really encourage folks to see what happens in their practice when they explore the same.

Know your model. Know the others. Focus on your craft and your aims.

That's what I try to do anyways.

#waking witchblr #witchblr #witch #magic #magic 101 #part of me writing this #is because I'm so tired #of watering down my information #to fit the psychological model #I work primarily with belief #secondarily with spirits #magic is undeniably real y'all #like I've predicted the dates of deaths y'all #whatever you think isn't possible to achieve #probably is #if you use the right method for the job

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ussgallifrey · 4 years

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Jealous

✦ Summary: The little green monster has a way of ruining a perfectly good night, and he is not talking about the Hulk. ✦ Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Female Reader ✦ Warnings: Little bit of angst, jealousy ✦ Word Count: 2.4k ✦ Author's Note: This was written ages ago for a request that's now vanished from my ask box from an anon asking for a jealous Bucky.

It's there in the curl of your lashes and the hand that you bat against the Asgardian's arm - that's when the clenching sensation presses down on his throat. When he feels his fingers wrap a little tighter around the shot glass on the bar. The night long since gave way to the pleasant thrum of inebriation, but all Bucky can sense is the bitter taste in his mouth when he watches you laugh so freely across the room.

Another gloating tale of ancient glories, a genuine laugh, a flirtatious quip - Bucky's painfully present for it all.

He had been cowardly perched on this one bar stool for almost the entire evening, trying to find some liquid courage - though he couldn't get drunk, not even close, it was just a bit of a placebo to get the gears going. Meanwhile, you flitted between the others with a carefree ease and an intoxicating smile. Wrapped up in soft pinks and a striking flower in your hair.

Bucky glowers at his reflection in the mirror behind the bar.

He had watched the way you seemed to flow through the crowd, taking the time to join each circle of people. Laughing unabashedly with Clint and Tony, resting your head on Natalia's shoulder, letting Sam throw a too familiar arm over your shoulders and tug you closer. That one probably stung most of all.

Your laugh seems to rise above the music and the crowd - an arrow sent right towards him, alluringly sweet in its intensity. But it's not for his ears, not happening because of something he said. No, you're wrapped up in the blonde demigod's looming stature and chiseled everything.

Maybe he lingers too long on the shape of your body leaning against the other man's. The styling of your hair, the way your eyes never leave Thor's. And the way the Asgardian's eyes seem to dip below your eye level to wander freely along the lines of your body.

He struggles to swallow the darkness that threatens to rise - the itch in his throat that ices over his heart and makes his blood run cold. It's metallic and chilled and difficult to ignore and he hates himself all the more for letting it take over.

Thor's returning laugh is deep and rich, coated with the finer golds and riches of a royal lineage. Bucky has to steady himself with a hand on the bartop when the blonde ducks down to place a kiss to your cheek, a fitting smile on his face as he excuses himself from your presence.

It's hard to ignore the giddy rush of nerves that seems to creep up as your smile turns bashful, averting your gaze as you press a trepid finger against your cheek. And then you're turning and he's looking down at his drink - trying to ignore the sting and pangs of the little green monster.

"Mr. Barnes," you cheerily greet as you plop down on the neighboring barstool, a manicured hand placed just a breath away from his own much larger hand.

Pulling his gaze from the gemstones on the end of your nails, Bucky nods in acknowledgment. Not trusting his mouth for anything as his stomach still sloshes and slurs with the sourness of unwarranted jealousy.

That sweet perfume seems to mingle in the air between you, something floral and soft - warm and pink to match your dress and nails. Princess-like, something entirely untouchable and angelic.

"You've been… notably absent tonight," you pester, sipping from your nearly emptied neon-blue cocktail.

"Have I?" he lets his finger drag along the rim of the glass, catching a drop of condensation.

You hum with a nod, "Been missing you something fierce."

That gains his attention as he finally lifts his head up, trying to read your doe-eyed expression.

He turns a little more towards you, a knee daring to touch your own but not quite able to close the gap.

"That so?"

Another hum, followed by another sip. Gaze drawn low to watch the way your fingers wrap around the black straw, lazily gliding up and down as you give a coy smile his way.

There's a distant part of himself - the shadow of a man who used to look like him, but a little more clean-cut - that would know the right things to say. The sweet prose and flirt to get you turning his way, wrapping you around his finger, and never letting go. He'd sure like to get in contact with that version of Bucky Barnes right about now because he's feeling next to hopeless in your presence.

"This isn't really your vibe, is it?"

Vibe? Right, more slang and lingo that sometimes has him stumbling over his own feet and looking like a right fool in front of everyone else.

You seem to catch on to his internal dilemma because you're quick to clarify, "You're not big on parties."

No argument there. He rubs the back of his neck as he fails to avoid your gaze, "Yeah, uh, no. Definitely no."

There's a little cooing sound in return, a batting of long eyelashes as you swirl your tongue around the straw, taking a long final sip of your drink. He could get lost in the action alone, watching your lips pursed together to suck on the straw, cheeks hollowing out - it's hypnotizing and entirely dirty, but he just can't look away.

But then Thor's bellowing laugh carries far across the party to lodge itself directly into Bucky's ears. He can't help but grimace, staring down at the bar in favor of actually groaning his disdain.

But you catch on - of course you do. You follow the pitiful trail of jealousy right up to his seething face like a bloodhound. He must reek of it too because your sweet expression seems to fall in an instant.

"Do you," your fingers stroke along the tip of the straw. "Do you not like Thor?"

He balks at how easily you hit the nail on his head. "Wha - no. I - he's, I mean, I don't really even know the guy, you know?"

There's this look that settles on your face that says you're not buying a line of his bullshit.

"He's sweet."

Bucky taps his glass with an impatient finger. If he has to sit here and listen to you compliment Thor, he might just vomit. Oh, he'll sit and listen alright, but it doesn't mean he has to like it.

"I'm happy for him and Jane," you continue. "Says he plans to stay on Earth for a while, think he couldn't stay away from her any longer."

You're talking, but the words aren't registering the way they should be. It's just an infinite loop of you laughing and Thor kissing your cheek.

"They're a good fit for each other."

Of false images of Thor wrapping his arm around you, dipping you backwards, and kissing you senseless.

"You'd never think they would make a good couple, right? But they totally work in their own way."

How easily you'd be swept off your feet, probably picked up and made to wrap your legs around him. He was probably shirtless at this point because why wouldn't he be?

"Hey, are you - are you okay? Bucky? Did I say something or...?"

God, why was he so hung up on this? Why couldn't he just work out the nerve to just go up to you and ask you out? It wasn't that hard, right? Just a few words, his heart waiting on the side to be broken, his returning ego to be bruised.

It's not like he could compete with someone like Thor. The man was literally a God; a legendary being of Norse mythology and epics. Compared to… him. Him with the flashing neon sign above his head that read Fucked.

"Bucky?"

It was probably a fool's hope that you would've been interested in him. He was so many things this side of wrong. Not golden and wonderful like the man you had been laughing with for the past thirty minutes.

There's a hand on his.

Oh.

Slowly, he looks over at you.

You smile gently. Thumb carefully rubbing over his knuckle in a soothing motion, "You drifted away on me. I - I wasn't sure if…"

The words fade away with a cautious touch. He wants to turn his hand, lace his fingers with yours. It feels right in his mind, he wants it to be right.

A soft silence drapes itself over you both. Your hand remaining on his, fingers lazily rubbing circles over the top of his tense knuckles.

"You know," you say after a moment. "I think I'm ready to get out of here."

You watch his expression with a curious gaze before continuing, "Even I can get partied out, Barnes."

He doesn't want you to leave, enjoying this haven you've created in the corner of the bar with him. It's the lingering hope that burns in his chest that maybe he stands a chance with you. Maybe he can win you over if he ever gets the nerve.

But you don't move to leave, fingers coming to a sudden rest - a breath away from his skin.

"Are you out of here too?"

Is that a twinge of hopefulness in your voice? It's nearly hard to believe, but he latches on to it like a lifeline. Finding himself nodding fast and dumb as he says, "Yeah, yeah. I'm good here."

Your hand runs its way up and over his arm and shoulder, lingering above the collar of his leather jacket. Waiting, he realizes. Waiting for him to join you.

There's a surprising amount of nerves going haywire in his body because his legs seem unusually shaky as he stands from the bar. But you're there, batting those glittery eyes as you wait. Your body manages to press up against his side as you wade through the remaining partiers. Floral perfume wafts up from your exposed neck and he nearly buckles over.

"My lady!" Thor bellows in shock, a stupid grin upon his stupid face as he manages to untangle himself from the group.

He pauses in front of you both, baring Bucky not even the slightest glance.

"Surely you're not leaving so soon."

When did he grab your hands in his large godly ones? Why does Bucky's stomach feel like it's going to make him spew all over the floor now?

Your laugh is easy as you gently pull your hands back, "Even mere mortals like me know when to call it quits, Thor."

And it's only then that the god seems to take in the dark figure you're leaning on, mismatched eyes looking Bucky over with a sudden glint of realization. He backs away almost immediately, "Oh, of course! Another time, then."

It's only when you're walking again that the blonde throws him a playful wink, which makes Bucky feel all sorts of confused.

And the thing is, he's not even entirely sure where you're going and if you expect him to follow you there. He'd like to think that, but he can't be sure.

The warmth of the party gives way to the misting rain of the darkened city streets. Illuminated only by the neon signs and streetlights. Seeing the contrast to you, wrapped in soft pinks and gentle flowers, only makes Bucky feel all the more aware of his surroundings. But you seem to pay no mind to it whatsoever as you make your way down the sidewalk.

You're tucked against his right side, arm rubbing against the leather of his sleeve, your pink dress fluttering in the gentle breeze of the night. And when a car rushes by on the slick road, it'd be impossible to not notice the way you shiver. When you stop at the crosswalk, Bucky doesn't even think - pulling his jacket off and draping it over your shoulders.

There's a little gasping sound as you pull it tight around you and your eyes are absolutely shimmering in the street light when you look up at him. Bucky can actually feel the moment his heart swells.

"Thank you," it's said so softly, so sweetly. And you finish it by gently squeezing his hand.

He takes a chance, throwing his arm over your shoulder and tugging you close. The contented sigh that falls from your lips makes him know he made the right move.

You pass the walk in pleasant silence, occasionally bumping his hip with your own, a soft laugh when he looks down at you curiously. It doesn't take a genius to figure out where you're headed as the glowing tower comes into view.

You pause at the front entrance - the harsh lights from the lobby illuminate the space behind you, making you glow in the rainy night air. Bucky reluctantly pulls his hand away. Feeling lucky enough to have gotten to walk you home, but not enough to expect anything beyond this point.

But your drawn brows pull his attention as you grab his hand back, "And where do you think you're going?"

He huffs a laugh. Steeling his nerves as he sheepishly looks up at you, "Guess that depends."

You give a thoughtful nod before tugging him flush against you. He gasps, despite his best intentions.

Brushing his hand against your cheek, you give a pleasant little mewl. His heart thumps harshly in his chest as his eyes darken.

"You know," you murmur against his hand - your hands now resting on his hips - as you pause, pressing a kiss to his palm. "Jealousy isn't a good look on you."

Bucky groans softly, feeling the weight of the evening sinking lower in his chest.

"Especially," you continue. "When you could just have what you want."

Your mouth finds the underside of his chin, kissing lightly on his Adam's apple. Manicured nails find their way into his hair, scratching carefully against his scalp and neck. And then you pull back, dark eyes staring up at him with a smirk.

"That is, if you want it, Sergeant."

Soft hands smooth over his arms, down his sides, to his hips once more.

"Do you want it, Bucky?"

His mouth feels dry as he takes in your beautiful features. The way your dress curves your figure, the way his jacket seems to be perfectly made to fit your shoulders. The obvious thrum of passion coursing through him. And just one look into your eyes gives him all the reassurance he needs - there's no competition here, you only have eyes for him.

So, he settles his hands on your hips, fingers splayed out along your lower back.

"Yes," he says hoarsely. "I definitely want."

And then you're angling your head up to meet his lips as you walk the two of you backwards into the tower and out of the misting rain, into something decidedly warmer and better.

Permanent Bucky Tag List: @livvy-barnes

Want to be added? Send me an ask ❤

#bucky barnes x female reader #bucky x female reader #bucky barnes one shot #marvel fan fic #my fic

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serowotonin · 3 years

Text

𝐦𝐚𝐭𝐜𝐡𝐦𝐚𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐦𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐥𝐞𝐭𝐨𝐞 | k.k.

. ⋅ ˚̣- : ✧ : – ⭒ a serowotonin christmas special ⭒ – : ✧ : -˚̣⋅ .

✲︎— you and kenma have had feelings for each other for far too long without doing anything about it. kuroo, with the help of some mistletoe, finally decides to step in and hurry things along...

⊰ pairing ⊱ kozume kenma x gn!reader

⊰ genre ⊱ fluff, crack(?)

⊰ word count ⊱ 1.2k

⊰ type ⊱ hcs + scenario

⊰ tags & warnings ⊱ pining, mistletoe, matchmaker!kuroo, unedited, no caps:D

author’s note. its almost 3AM. i still don’t feel sleepy but my bren ded

you’ve had a crush on kenma for the longest time

and, unbeknownst to you, so has he

ofc you two never seemed to realize this cuz… thats just the way you were??

kuroo knew tho,, bout kenma’s crush and had an inkling that you may like him back

he also almost “accidentally” let it slip a few times in front you

kenma always did smth to either shut him up or divert your attention elsewhere so you wouldn’t hear what kuroo was saying

poor kuroo he just wants to be that helpful senpai and see his two cute kohais get together

after a few too many “slip-ups” around you though, kenma made kuroo swear not to breathe a word of his crush to you

and kuroo reluctantly obliged,,,, but this boi still had a few things up his sleeve 😼😼

christmas time came and, as usual, everyone was abuzz with holiday fever and stress for the upcoming exams:,(

now during exam time, kuroo would often invite kenma to his house to study (even tho they’re in different grades) and this year was no different

except,,,,,, for some reason that some reason being kuroo you were also there??

kuroo and kenma were just sitting there talking about you when, coincidentally, the bell rang and they opened the door to you

“ah glad you could make it y/n ~” kuroo said in a playful tone upon your entrance

kenma knew he was up to something and few moments later, he was proven right

“actually now that you’re here, i got an errand i need to run. you two enjoy studying i’ll be back real quick;3”

you & kenma: “wAIT WHAT?!??” *internally panics at the thought of being alone with each other*

you: “sooo...👉👈”

kenma: “....👉👈”

let’s just say the two of you actually managed to do some a lot of studying cuz you two felt too shy to do anything else

when kuroo came back, he couldn’t say he wasn’t surprised. he knew kenna would’ve been too shy to initiate anything but he figured you might’ve at least had the confidence to say smth

but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ guess you two were more similar than he thought

that just brought him to phase 2 of his grand plan to get you two together

which was to be carried out at the christmas party after exams...

exams were finally over and you felt like a weight had been lifted off your heart. of course, even though the weight of exams were lifted, the weight of… other things, still anchored your heart. as you combed a hand through your hair, you tried your best to ignore those anchors. they weren’t something you were brave enough to do anything about anyway.

one last look in the mirror and you deemed yourself good enough to leave the house. you weren’t wearing anything fancy or special for the night’s event; just a simple holiday sweater and classic blue jeans. you grabbed your things and headed out, texting your friends telling them that you’ll meet them at the station in a few minutes.

seconds later, you felt your phone vibrate and pulled it out.

kenma: y/n, are you going to the christmas party?

you: yep, im on my way to the station rn actually.

kenma: oh ok.

you wondered what he wanted, your brain already coming up with tons of possibilities. you quickly shook them out of your head and texted him back.

you: how bout you? are you coming too??

there was a slight delay in his reply and you had to shut your phone to navigate through the small crowd in front of the station. your friends spotted you first and quickly made their way to you. you all boarded the train and found yourselves a few seats towards the back to sit on. checking your phone for the time, you saw Kenma texted back.

kenma: yeah i have no choice. kuro’s making me go TT

you: lol poor you. im sure it’ll be fine tho

kenma: mmm he’s probably going to ditch me once we get there

you: i’ll stay with you if he ditches you then hahahha

he didn’t reply for a few seconds and internally you were lowkey panicking. as the train came to a halt, your phone lit up again with a message.

kenma: i’ll be glad if you did (:

you started grinning to yourself but before you could type a reply, the train doors opened and you had to pocket your phone to navigate through the crowd leaving and entering the cabin.

. ⋅ ˚̣- : ✧ : – ⭒ ⊹ ⭒ – : ✧ : -˚̣⋅ . ⊹ . ⋅ ˚̣- : ✧ : – ⭒ ⊹ ⭒ – : ✧ : -˚̣⋅ .

the gym was brightly-lit with streamers of all colors, sizes, and fluffiness adorning the walls. a standard-sized christmas tree stood in one corner with a large number of what you presumed to be placebo presents arranged neatly around it.

your eyes scanned the groups of students until finally landing on a lone boy with hair that seemed to shimmer under the christmas lights. to most others, he seemed quiet and reserved. he wasn’t easily approachable, to everyone else at least.

you walked over and easily struck a conversation. to you, kenma wasn’t someone someone hard to approach or talk to. he was kenma afterall. what was hard, however, was trying to hide your blush every time he smiled at you, trying to keep a neutral face whenever he said your name, and most importantly, making sure your crush on him was not in any way obvious to him.

oblivious to you, he was trying hard to do just the same. and oblivious to the both of you, kuroo had already completed preparations for ‘phase 2 of getting kenma and y/n together’.

dont give the man too much credit, “preparations” is just a fancy way of saying he found some mistletoe

lucky for kuroo, you two were exactly where he wanted you to be —standing face to face in a quiet corner of the beautifully decorated gym.

like a large cat sneaking up on it’s prey, kuroo silently made his way towards the two of you.

“hEY ! y/n, kenma,” he said nodding to each of you respectively. “enjoying the party?”

before either of you could answer, kuroo continued talking.

“oH would you look at that.. it seems you two have been caught under some mistletoe~”

he waved his hand holding the mistletoe just above your heads as the both of you started blushing furiously.

“cmon, you two know what you have to do~ :3”

you couldn’t think straight. one moment everything was fine with you and kenma, and the next, some big bloke pops up out of nowhere ruining your peace of mind.

nervously, you glanced at kenma. he was staring at the ground with visibly red cheeks. kuroo kept poking him while he attempted to swat kuroo away. of course that didn't work, but it did make you swoon a bit because damn if kenma wasnt really cute right now…

taking a deep breath, you thought to yourself ‘why the heck not?’. before you had the chance to properly think, you took two steps forward and gave kenma a quick peck on the cheek.

“oh come on y/n,,, you can do better than that~” kuroo teased.

not even attempting to hide your blush or embarrassment anymore, you looked at kenma and saw he, too, was as red as his volleyball uniform. what struck most was the way he looked back at you. his eyes seemed to mirror yours perfectly. both searching the others for something to just push you off the edge and admit to each other how you felt.

it seems you two found it as you both leaned in for another kiss, a proper one.

— ✲︎

author’s note btw remember how kuroo had an “errand he needed to run”. yes that errand was coming to give yours truly some cuddles;3 ditch exam review to sleep-n-cuddle bitch ψ( ` ∇ ´ )ψ

#kenma x reader #hq #hq imagines #haikyuu #kozume kenma x reader #haikyuu imagines #hq headcanons #haikyuu headcanons #hq kenma #kozume kenma #kozume x reader #kenma fluff #kenma imagine #kenma headcanons #haikyuu kozume #haikyuu!!#www.pink-ink.com/writing #/hcs #/fic

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7team7 · 4 years

Text

Choosing Fate: Chapter 8

A surprise leaves Sasuke and Sakura alone for a while. // Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3, Chapter 4, Chapter 5, Chapter 6, Chapter 7

A/N: thank you everyone for your encouragement and kind words on this fic. I’m trying to dedicate myself to it and finish it before moving on to new stories, but sometimes that’s still a slower process than I expect? And the plot seems to want to complicate itself more, but I promise more ss moments are coming!! Hope this chapter is ok, the slow burn is still burning

Tsunade was relentless in her tutelage. Sakura’s tutoring sessions with Sasuke were idyllic in comparison. The older woman pushed and pushed and pushed.

But the discipline and hard work only served to strengthen her. Tsunade raised a brow when the petite woman cracked her knuckles before getting to work everyday. She knew she had found a determined student, but her dedication was truly something remarkable.

And it yielded results.

Once complicated combinations became embedded in her memory and her hands were able to move without thinking. Tsuande stopped lecturing and started questioning, pushing the envelope: What if we did this? What do you think of that? How would you approach it?

What started as a favor she agreed to do on a whim became a cherished relationship. Maybe Konoha wasn’t so bad.

Sakura greatly respected her teacher, but she barely knew the first thing about her. She used to keep her chatter to a minimum while they worked, but she had grown much more comfortable in the Senju’s house. “Tsunade-sama, you were never married, right?” For once, a woman’s professional work had superseded her romantic history.

Tsunade paused in the middle of tidying up some papers she pulled out for reference. The question wasn’t necessarily unwelcome, but it took her by surprise. No one had asked her about that in a long time. “No. There was someone I would’ve married, but we never got the chance.”

“Did he have to marry someone else?” Arranged marriage was awkward at best, but it would’ve been downright heartbreaking if she was already in love with someone else.

“He was hurt in battle. And I couldn’t save him.” She sighed heavily, “After him, there was no one else. Why do you think I leave the village so often?” The ghosts of her past would never stop haunting her. Her ties to Konoha weighed heavily.

“Oh,” she bit her lip, “I’m so sorry.” She assumed Tsunade was just a wild spirit, but the reality was much more tragic.

She shrugged. Time to change the subject. “And you? Was there someone else before that sulky brat?”

Sakura opened her mouth to protest, he was not a sulky brat! But then she remembered the way he would hang around outside Tsunade’s house if she wasn’t home before the sun set. “No, I was too young and too busy with my household chores to find someone else. But Sasuke’s not so bad…” She blushed a little; before, she could hardly fathom getting married to Sasuke but now, she couldn’t imagine marrying anyone else. She couldn’t fault him for their circumstances, even if he was a little rough around the edges.

“And your parents?”

“Ah, they were actually childhood sweethearts. Lucky them,” she said weakly.

“Well, I guess Sasuke’s good enough for you to stay.”

“What do you mean?”

“You could always leave. Plenty of women do it.”

“Oh,” she said, taken aback, “I had never considered that. Where would I even go?” She didn’t think she had a choice in the matter, or any other real options.

Tsunade raised a brow, “You could go home. Have you been home yet?”

Sakura laughed bitterly and confessed, “Actually, no. It’s not that I don’t want to, I guess I...just haven’t gathered the courage.” Was it her home there anymore? Was she a wife before she was a sister? She started fiddling with a stray herb that had escaped a jar.

She continued, “I miss my siblings dearly, but it’s easier to just stay away. If I visited home and saw everything I’ve been missing...it would be too hard to come back here. I don’t know if that makes me a good wife or a terrible sister.” She had assumed she was leaving for good after the wedding. Life as Uchiha Sakura might still be new and full of surprises, but it wasn’t completely miserable. Should she expect more? The leaf in her hands was completely pulverized after she worked her anxieties out on it.

Her mentor nodded in understanding. “You won’t figure it out in a day. And when you feel like you’ve got it, something will change and you’ll be back at square one. That’s life.”

Sakura nodded glumly. She supposed being young almost always meant standing at a crossroads. They got back to work.

Training and learning took up the majority of her time lately. She was exhausted, but not unhappy. Most days she stayed at Tsunade’s for long hours, only returning to frantically complete some chores. Today, Sakura slapped her palm to her forehead when she remembered that she had promised to help Mikoto fold dumplings. She all but flew out the door, shouting, “See you tomorrow!” before heading home. She rushed into the kitchen and greeted her mother-in-law. “I’m so sorry I wasn’t here to help with lunch-” she started, but Mikoto held up a hand to stop her.

“Don’t apologize. I’m glad you’ve found something to keep you occupied. Tsunade is a formidable woman, history or not. There’s no reason for a young girl to be cooped up forever.” Her daughter in law always put on a brave face, but she could tell there was something missing.

Sakura breathed a sigh of relief, “Thank you for understanding. Still, I’ll try to be home a bit more.” She didn’t remember when she started calling this house her home, but she did have a certain obligation to maintain it. She would be so upset if Mikoto suddenly started abandoning her duties! Who would pick them up? Certainly not Fugaku.

Mikoto shook her head, smiling, “I’ve become content with being at home with my husband and children. But until that day comes for you, just lean on me. Go rest, I’ve got it.” Even as she spoke, she kept deftly folding dumpling skins like it was second nature.

“A-are you sure?” She had realized she was treated like a strange, permanent guest in the Uchiha household. In her childhood home, she was anything but a guest. “I’m sure. Sasuke’s home, by the way.” Sakura nodded and ventured off to find him, starting with the bedroom. It felt like ages since she’d last seen him.

“Where have you been?”

“Excuse me?” His tone was accusatory, but hers was incredulous. “I thought you supported me going? Don’t tell me you changed your mind.” His hot and cold personality was jarring.

“Didn’t think you’d be gone so often,” he grumbled. Those precious tutoring sessions together had been cut short by her lessons with Tsunade, but there was nothing he could do besides walk her there and back. He had half a mind to offer her another trip to the market just to get her to do something with him, but he couldn’t bring himself to impede on her schedule for such selfish reasons. So he sulked, even if he didn’t quite understand why he was so upset.

He had just finished getting dressed, perhaps taking a bit of extra time smoothing down his hair and clothes in an attempt to get her to look at him. “Come on, let’s go.”

“Go where? What makes you think I want to follow you anywhere?” If he felt like being a jerk, she would stay home and fold dumplings, thank you very much!

He sighed, like the answer was obvious. “We’re going to Itachi’s. Apparently Izumi’s been feeling off lately. They requested your presence.”

She perked up slightly but then remembered she was supposed to be mad. As maddening as her husband was, their fights were usually small and quickly diffused. “Fine, I’ll go. But are you sure it’s alright for me to leave the house instead of waiting on you hand and foot?”

“Annoying,” he muttered, leaving the room but not before he made sure his wife was following him.

Knock, knock, knock. Tsunade pursed her lips, who would be calling on her at this time of night? Everyone should be sitting down for dinner. She set down her cup of tea to answer the door.

To her pleasant surprise, Sakura stood at her doorstep looking breathless and bright-eyed. “I thought I sent you home hours ago?” Tsunade raised a brow at the girl.

“You did. But I have news! And because of that news I can’t stop for today. There’s more to do.” The words tumbled out of her mouth and if she didn’t slow down, she might just swallow her own tongue.

“More? But-”

“Izumi is pregnant!” Sakura blurted. A grin overtook her features, “Isn’t that exciting?” She pushed her way into Tsunade’s house for the second time that day. They had work to do! Sakura had so much to learn! Babies were so complicated.

The older woman sighed. Uchiha or not, it would be useful for Sakura to learn about midwifery and the like. Really, she couldn’t say no to her favorite student. She closed the door and rolled up her sleeves again.

“She started out weak, you said?” Tsunade was mulling over which round of roots and herbs to send with Sakura first. Izumi’s pregnancy was still new, but was already proving difficult and draining. Even a placebo would help reduce the expecting mother’s nerves.

“Mm, I had a suspicion that she has some kind of illness, and the pregnancy is just making things more difficult for her. I think she can carry to term, but she’ll need lots of rest. I want to do whatever I can to make this easier on her.”

Smart girl, she praised internally. She finally picked out the jars she was looking for, “Here. Crush that bottom one up and mix it with her tea, the other is an ointment to rub on her ankles when they swell. She should be resting in bed, but there might still be pain. And tell everyone to stop hovering, they’re so pesky.”

Sakura practically saluted her teacher, “You’ve got it, Tsunade-sama! I’ll be back tomorrow.”

“Oh, I know you will,” she laughed affectionately. Her little apprentice was really something.

Between caring for Izumi and learning from Tsunade, Sakura barely had a moment to rest. While Sasuke initially made a few more snippy comments about not being home, he couldn’t help but feel the pride welling up inside of him. Other women had started seeking her advice and she earned a reputation as Tsunade’s apprentice who would one day surpass her. He felt smug thinking about how good of a mother Sakura would become, but then he reprimanded himself. He really needed to stop thinking like that.

When a contraction ripped through Izumi’s body, she immediately gasped, “Get Sakura.”

Sasuke all but sprinted to Tsunade’s house, but somehow, by the time they got back, half the clan had gotten wind of the labor. They had to shoulder their way into the house just to get a glimpse of the expecting mother.

“I thought you said you brought the best,” some grumpy old auntie eyed Sakura skeptically.

Sasuke narrowed his eyes at her, “Sakura is the best. Now everybody out, let her work.” No one dared question the authoritative tone in his voice. Sakura brushed past him after squeezing his arm in thanks.

Sakura thought she could be calm, but all sorts of emotions bubbled up inside of her when she knelt next to Izumi’s tense body. Her face twisted in pain and shone with sweat when she panted desperately, “I can’t lose this baby.” The implication was clear: or else she would prove useless as the one to produce the next heir.

And it broke Sakura’s heart. As a mother, she would naturally be worried about her child, but this was unacceptable.

“Everything is going to be fine,” she reassured her, even as her voice shook and she could barely believe her own words. “Now if someone could please get me some water.” Itachi practically tripped over his own feet fetching the water. She had never seen the man so on edge.

Sakura couldn’t help but let out her own sob when the baby’s first cry pierced the air and Izumi slumped back in relief.

After a tense eight months, Itachi and Izumi’s son is born, small but healthy. The clan breathed a collective sigh of relief. It was finally time to celebrate.

Once a few weeks passed, it is agreed that the new little family should visit Izumi’s parents for a while. After only exchanging letters for the past three years, it is only right that they got to see their new grandchild for a while. They were only distantly related to the Uchiha and had established residence in a different village. The journey would take a number of days and Mikoto and Fugaku insisted on going along.

Which meant the main house was left to only Sasuke and Sakura for at least a month.

A/N: HAHA THERE’S ONLY ONE HOUSE!! AND THEY ALREADY SHARE A BED!! Pervsuke incoming also hopefully it goes without saying that Time is Passing so ss are getting a teensy bit older. I kind of liked how this chapter flipped it so that sakura is the one always gone but even if he’s grumpy at first he’s like damn..she rlly did that LOL you like her don’t u ssk /.\

#sasusaku #fan fic #my writing #arranged marriage AU #um um tags? do not remember anything else

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stellar-alley · 4 years

Text

Of Scales and Sea Glass

•Chapter 1•

Next Chapter >>

(Summary: Eddie deals with the anniversary of his parent's death. After an intense tropical storm, he discovers something has washed up in his pool.)

Also shout out to @ambitiousskychild on tumblr for being my beta!

It’s just water. You’ll be fine God, why do you always worry so damn much?

“FUCK” Eddie groaned as he raked his hand through his hair. “Fuck…” He repeated, letting his voice trail off this time.

It’s been a year, you should be over this by now .

Sure it might’ve been a year, but that didn’t mean Eddie Kaspbrak was any less terrified of the ocean. Its endless blue and unexplored depths made Eddie want to be anywhere else. It didn’t help that the ocean was literally in Eddie’s backyard. All that he needed to know was that exactly one year ago today, that blue, those depths, took his parent’s lives, and that was enough to scare the boy shitless. Only now, on the anniversary of Sonia and Frank Kaspbrak’s death, did he finally decide to do something about it.

Eddie stood about 50 feet away from his back porch, his feet in the sand and a towel wrapped over his shoulders. He watched the waves fall and crash over the sand. Tonight the weathermen were calling for a killer storm, which seemed oddly appropriate in the boy’s head. It was almost like his mother was giving him a sign. It was like her way of saying “Eddie-bear, go back inside! The world is dangerous, so stay in your room!” because that’s what she did.

For most of Eddie’s life, he was fed placebos, convinced he had asthma, and practically forced to be straight. It was all his mother’s doings. Ever since her death Eddie has come to terms with all of his fake illnesses, he’s even been able to come out to his friends! Of course, they all accepted him and helped him whenever he needed it. He was really grateful for the losers he called his friends.

Lighting struck in the distance, it sent a flash of light over Eddie’s face that caused him to shrink into his towel. The dark clouds that loomed overhead only caused Eddie’s heart to beat harder inside his ribcage.

Thunder cackled soon after. Eddie’s eyes teared up as he looked up and into the waves, “I-I’m sorry,” He choked, barely able to get the words out.

Eddie shuffled back into his oceanside house before the rain started, which was good cause when it rained, it poured. The first thing he did when he got inside was close all of the blinds, unable to look out into his backyard without his stomach-turning, the guilt was practically eating away at him. The last thing he saw as he closed the blinds were his pool, the water reflected the dark clouds that loomed overhead, creating a haunting atmosphere.

The realization caused Eddie to sigh, “That’s gonna be a pain in my ass to clean.” Storms like these always brought the most random crap up from the bottom of the ocean, somehow all of it always ended up in Eddie’s pool. He didn’t even want the pool, he lived so close to the ocean, it was kinda useless. Well, aside from the days when it was too cold to swim in the ocean , that’s when he’d usually heat the pool up and swim in there instead. That was when he still swam. Now he hasn’t used that thing in well over a year.

After Sonia and Frank passed, The Kaspbrak’s residence was passed down to their only child, Eddie. That house included an underground pool, a house way too big for one person, and an almost private beach that only he and his next door neighbours had access to. (His neighbours on the left never used it though. They were an elderly couple. Sometimes he’d find them sitting outside on the warm days, but they weren’t the outdoor type. His neighbours on the right had their yard fenced off). Eddie never used the pool but kept it clean for the days when his friends came over. They'd go swimming while he read in the shade.

That night Eddie slept with his ear buds in, music on loud and the covers pulled over his head. He hated how scared he was of the water. He missed the way the waves made him feel. It was something he's never felt before, when he swam he was safe, and free. He's tried to overcome it, but nothing has worked. He'd need a miracle to convince him to get back into the water.

Eddie woke up the next morning to the early morning sunlight streaming in through the cracks of his blinds. He mentally cursed out God for creating the sun before he turned over and shoved his face deeper into his pillow. After about 20 more minutes of internal complaining, Eddie finally dragged himself out of bed. His head was waterlogged, hazed by sleep. So when he opened the blinds to his back doors all he saw was a mass of sea shit that now crowded his pool. Instead of focusing on exactly what had washed up onto his property, he simply rolled his eyes and went to go back to breakfast.

Eddie checked his phone, hoping it’d wake his mind up a little but he sighed as he realized he didn’t have any wifi. His realization brought a thought to the forefront of his mind. “Oh no…. No, no, no,” Eddie mumbled as he padded over towards the nearest light switch. “Fuck,” He leaned his head up against the wall when the lights didn’t turn on. This was something else that happened a lot when they were hit by a storm, the power goes out.

After breakfast, Eddie got changed out of his pyjamas. He opted to put on an older black tee as he knew he’d be cleaning today. He pulled his iconic red shorts on and slipped on a pair of sneakers. He gathered up all of the cleaning supplies he had set aside for storms like these and set them out on his back porch.

The morning air smelled of rain and salt. The temperature had dropped a couple of degrees from the previous day, which was refreshing, but it didn’t change the fact that Eddie had a whole yard to clean.

First, he swept off the porch. He pushed all of the twigs, branches and sand onto the ground below. He noticed one of his neighbour’s palm trees had several fallen branches. That would explain the countless leaves that were scattered across his yard and filled his pool.

After, he collected as much of the debris from the lawn as he could. Stuffing everything into garbage bags, tying them up, then carrying them to his front yard, where they’d sit until garbage day. Once he was in his front yard, he looked around at his neighbour’s lawns and saw they were all going through the same hell that he was. Everyone was out with garbage bins and shovels, cleaning up the mess the storm left behind.

“EDDIE! HEY!” A voice called out to him.

Eddie turned towards the voice and saw his neighbour to the right, Beverly Marsh. He was one of the lucky kids who conveniently lived beside one of his best friends. While the rest of their Losers Club lived no more than 20 minutes away, Bev and Eddie lived the closest, which made it easy for the group to meet up. Even if their meetups almost always ended up at Eddie’s house.

When his mother was alive, she rarely let all of them come over, but now that she was gone, most of their summer break was spent in Eddie’s backyard, in the pool, on the beach, or in his basement watching movies. Eddie didn’t mind, he enjoyed the company. Especially since living alone got, well, lonely. So he made sure to soak up every moment he could get with his Losers.

Eddie’s resting bitch face was washed out and replaced by a genuinely happy smile. “Marsh! How’s it hanging?” Eddie said in his best surfer bro voice.

“It’s totally tubular,” She said, followed by a laugh. “How’s your place? No power?” She asked as she put down the bag she was holding and crossed her yard and onto Eddie’s.

“Yeah, and my yard is a fucking mess. Don’t even get me started on the pool,” Eddie groaned at the thought.

A smug smile spread over Beverly’s lips, “It’s the days like these when I’m grateful I don’t have a pool. Can’t you just get the pool guys to come and clean it?” She questions.

“I would but it’d cost me an arm and a leg. I’m just gonna clean then get someone to refill it. It’ll be fine,” He sighed. Eddie was gonna ask if she wanted to help but he lost his chance when Beverly’s aunt came outside.

“Beverly! Oh, Hi Eddie. How are you doing?” She smiled at him. Beverly’s aunt Katherine was always nice to Eddie, she always helped him whenever he needed it, cooking meals and helping with bills. She was pretty great.

“As good as I can be after a storm like this, crazy isn’t it?” He nods his head.

“It really is, on that note, Bev, we should be getting back to work,” She said as Bev nodded.

“I’ll see you later Eddie. Let me know if you get ahold of the rest of our rat pack, alright?” She winked as she slowly began to back away.

“Yes ma’am!” Eddie saluted and returned to the backyard.

He sighed. “No better time than the present, am I right?” He asked himself as he picked up the big net that was propped against the porch, then walked towards the pool.

The water had turned a dark green-grey. It didn’t smell too bad, which was a blessing as Eddie has a sensitive stomach and wasn’t in the mood of adding barf to his list of things to clean. He swept the net over the surface of the water for a couple minutes before noticing how there were a lot bigger pieces of debris than he had realized.

Looks like we gotta break out the big guns , Eddie left the net on the side of the pool and went to grab some rubber gloves and one of his big grey garbage cans. He stood at the edge of the pool and stared down at the water below him. It was different when he had the net, he barely had to lean over the edge, but now he was worried about falling in. What if I lean in, fall, and drown, or get knocked unconscious and die? Eddie calmed his breathing down before it got a chance to pick up.

“Okay, Eddie, you’re fine,” He let out a shaky breath. He ended up laying down on the pavement, flat on his stomach and stuck his arms over the edge, not daring to let anything below his neck hang over the edge of the pool. Slowly but surely he dragged most of the debris out and onto the pavement, which would then be put into the garbage, but right now he just needed to get everything out of the pool. Amongst the trash and green life he found in the water, he also fished out a pair of glasses, although they didn’t seem like normal glasses. First off, they were pretty big, but the lenses seemed oddly fogged and thick. Reminding Eddie of the sea glass he’s collected over the years of living on the coast. He set them aside and made a note to investigate them further once he was done here.

After a couple of hours of hard work, Eddie stood over the pool and admired all of his hard work. Sure there was still a bunch of shit at the bottom of the pool, but he agreed to clean that out once the pool had been emptied. There had been a particular pile of debris off in the corner that caught Eddie’s eye. It seemed to be a pile-up of plants and what looked to be a fishing net. He walked over to that side of the pool and squinted down at the trash. Something was dimly shining beneath the pile of soggy algae that covered it.

Maybe a fish got washed into the pool? Hm, poor dude, Eddie shrugged, about to walk away when the pile twitched ever so slightly, Eddie could have convinced himself he was seeing things, but something was telling him he wasn’t. Determined to see what it was, Eddie quickly grabbed the net and poked the pile of debris. He shied away after the first poke, then moved to poke it again. It twitched again. Eddie’s brow furrowed as he poked it again, a little harder this time. This time it shifted positions, allowing Eddie to see a little bit more of the creature that sat at the bottom of his pool.

The shine came from scales, and there were a lot of them. How big is this fucking fish? Oh shit- do I have a shark in my pool?! No dumbass, sharks don’t have scales…

Instead of poking it again, Eddie used the butt end of the net to try to move the debris off of the creature. He was able to push most of the algae aside, but the creature must’ve been tangled up in that damned net. The creature might not have been 100% visible, but he had a better view of it now.

“Is that? No way…” Eddie began to speak to himself as he examined the creature. “That can’t be...” He said as he examined the part of the creature that looked like it had hair. Well whatever it had that looked like hair, it was inky black, it slowly swayed around- A HEAD? “WHAT THE FUCK!” Eddie shrieked as he began to stumble backwards. He stammered and wobbled. But suddenly, one of the bricks that lined the pool gave out beneath him, and he fell forwards. He fell into the pool with a big splash.

He didn’t even have time to think, his mind was overtaken by panic. Eddie thrashed and splashed, he tried to pull himself to the surface but the water was blurring his vision, making it impossible to tell which way was up. He barely had time to take in any air as he was randomly tossed into the pool. So his lungs ached and his head throbbed. He wanted to scream out for help or stop moving just for a second, in hopes that’d he just float to the surface. But he couldn’t stop, his legs kicked wildly in the water, his shoes heavy on his feet and his clothes constricting his movement.

He was too busy thinking about his own death to notice the pair of arms that’d wrapped around his waist. Eddie’s lungs began to burn , they begged for air, but Eddie knew that he was not going to let his mouth open. He refused to die the same death that his parents had. With that, his vision began to blur more than it already was. His mind hazed over and his thrashing minimized. His vision was dotted with black spots, due to lack of oxygen.

I’m gonna die .

Suddenly he was gasping for air. His lungs heaved as he spat up water and tried to breathe in as much air as he could. He rubbed the water out of his eyes. It took a moment for his gaze to clear, but once he did he realized he was sitting on the edge of the pool, his clothes soaked and his hair filled with leaves and dirt.

What the fuck happened? How did I get here? The questions overloaded Eddie’s mind as his breathing quickened, there was so much going on, too much .

The water beside him splashed, a light spray of water settled on him. He hesitantly looked over, hoping to see nothing, that he had dreamt it all up. But when he turned his head, he saw something drifting slowly towards him in the water. He hadn’t failed to notice how murkey the water had gotten. It’s green tinge now brown, and a little red. He didn’t even let himself think about what made it red. Eddie panicked and jackknifed, hastily shuffling backwards and away from the water.

Eddie’s eyes were as wide as saucers, his eyebrows practically in his hairline. His breathing practically stopped as he watched the black hair he’d seen previously slowly poke up out of the water. Eddie wanted to get up and run, call the cops, something , but he couldn’t. He was frozen in fear and anticipation. He couldn’t help that little bit of wonder that filled his head as the creature continued to come up from the waters’ surface.

He watched as the head moved up just enough to reveal a pair of impossibly blue eyes. They stared back at him, partially covered by the black hair hanging in its face. Something about the eyes seemed hazy, almost as if they weren’t clear, they squinted for a moment before opening up wide again.

Eddie could only muster a weak “hi,” as he stared at the creature before him. The blue eyes rolled and bubbles erupted in front of him. The head sunk back down into the water.

A splash caused Eddie to tear his eyes away from where the head once was, and look up. Further down in the pool he watched as a fish like tail splashed against the surface of the water. Half of its fin was covered in the fishing net. The rope digging into the scales. Eddie finally saw what was the cause of the red in the water. The net had various hooks still attached to it. They dug into the scales of the tail, causing it to leak red blood. Eddie’s stomach dropped.

The tail splashed against the surface of the water again. It acted as a reality check for Eddie as he finally mustered the strength to stand up. Once he was on his feet, he wobbled momentarily before marching towards his porch. He didn’t look back as he closed his patio door. He kept walking until he was in his bathroom.

He turned on the shower and waited until it filled the small room with steam. The boiling water practically burned all the dirt off of his skin. He was too caught up in his own thoughts to even realize he began thinking out loud.

“There’s someone in my pool,” He started, his voice distant, “And a fish. A massive fucking fish.” He thought about the mess of hair he’d seen at the bottom of the pool. “No one can survive being underwater that long… No one, but not nothing.”

What if it wasn’t two things in my pool…

He contemplated the idea for a second, “BUT THEY DON’T EXIST!” Eddie shouted in frustration, thrusting his fist against the ceramic wall of his shower. So many ideas floated through Eddie’s head, he hated it, he hated not knowing what was in his pool. And he hated the fact that the only idea that made semi sense, was that he had a fucking mermaid in his pool.

“But they’re made-up. Stories, fairytailes. Not real life, ” He countered, recalling movies like The Little Mermaid and Aquamarine. “But what else explains the tail?” He asked himself in defeat.

Eddie turned the water to the shower off. His skin was red and raw, he could practically see the steam coming off of himself. He rested his forehead against the wall of his shower and tried to clear his head. In and out… In and out , he reminded himself as he took a couple minutes to just breathe .

After the hurricane in his head finally calmed down, he allowed himself to think back to what he’d seen outside. Careful to not open the dam of memories, he focused on the tail, the head, the water, the blood .

The poor thing is hurt , Eddie sharply inhaled. “Shit…” He recalled the net, and how it dug into the creature's tail. He shivered at the thought of what it must be going through. Then he remembered why he took the shower in the first place, he fell into the pool, and that fish thing, it saved him.

With a new game plan, Eddie finished up in the bathroom, got dressed, then got his fist aid kit and all the other supplies he needed. He went back outside, the sun beating down over his head as he stood on his patio and surveyed his backyard. A new level of determination filled the human. He was intrigued to find out what the hell was in his pool, and this was the best way he could find that out.

He marched down and to the water’s edge, but all the bravery he had mustered died the moment he saw the creature floating on its front at the edge of Eddie’s pool.

He raised his hands to cover his mouth, his eyes wide, “Fuck,” he cursed. His mind automatically assumed the worst, death . But he tried to mentally assure himself that it had just passed out as he didn’t want to panic.

Eddie got down on his knees and carefully leaned over to grab the creature. He held his breath, worried about falling in, but he was able to pull the creature to the edge of the pool. He pushed it over onto its back. He wanted to inspect its face and features but Eddie needed to get him out of the water before those cuts got infected.

Quickly, Eddie laid a towel down on the pavement beside the pool, worried about what the heat of the ground would do to the fish’s scales. When it came time to pulling the thing out of the water, he hadn’t thought about how much that fucking tale would weigh. He hooked his arms under the arms of the creature and tried to pull him out. He heaved and tugged.

“Holy shit- you’re so fucking heavy,” Eddie gasped, half way there , he thought to himself. All of the human part was out, and half of the tail, now all he had left was the rest of the tail and the monofin. Eddie took in one sharp inhale before he pulled the rest of it out in one final tug. He gasped as he suddenly landed on his back, the fish flopped down onto the towel beside him.

Eddie didn’t take too long to recover, he was too interested in seeing what exactly he had just fished out of his swimming pool. He sat on his knees and surveyed the creature that laid uncious before him.

It was indeed, a mermaid.

The upper half of its body was made of pasty white skin, as smooth as a shark's skin. It shined in the afternoon sunlight. Its arms were long and fairly skinny with a little muscles. Eddie carefully lifted up one of its hands. He inspected it, noticing how there was an almost translucent webbing that connected his long and bony fingers. Then he let out a small gasp at the claws that laid at the edges of his fingers. They looked sharp, one swipe would surely draw blood. With that, he carefully laid the hand back down by its side.

Eddie leaned forward a little to examine the creature's face. He lifted a hand, gently pushing some of the soggy hair out of his face. He frowned at the slash that ran across its cheeks, cutting through a wild pack of freckles. His pale skin allowed the freckles on his cheeks to shine like stars on a clear night. Eddie thought about counting them, like he had the stars, but he opted not to as he knew he had more pressing tasks at hand. He took one last glance at the face, allowing himself to soak in the mermaid's features in all its beauty. Yes, beauty. Even Eddie couldn’t deny it, the creature was fairly beautiful. But now isn't the time for crushes, Eddie shook his head as he finally made his way down to the tale.

Eddie examined its chest. It was fairly skinny, not malnourished, as in he could slightly see his ribs, but it wasn't too concerning. He noticed a couple bruises and various scrapes that would need to be disinfected. He followed the pale skin down. Suddenly Eddie’s brows furrowed together. The creature had no belly button. But if he had, then the scales would have started just below it.

Now without the water blurring their colour, he was able to see the scales in all their glory. They were a pastel blue, some places darker than others, the shades varying as the tail continued. The tip of its monofin shined a sparkly silver that could give the real stuff a run for its money.

Finally, he got to his feet and overlooked all of the creature’s injuries. Sure he had some scraps, cuts and bruises along the upper part of its body, but its tail got the worst of it. The net was tangled up in its monofin and dug into its scales, causing some of them to flake off.

He raked his hands through his hair, tugging at the ends. “Fuck,” he sighed, realizing how much work he had to do. Without wasting any more time, he leaned over to the abundance of supplies he’d brought outside and grabbed the exacto knife to cut the net. Just as the blade popped out and Eddie leaned in, something cold and slimy grabbed his wrist. His body went cold, head snapping towards the mermaids. His eyes locked with the fish’s. The blues of his eyes were wide and determined. Eddie looked down and realized it was the hand with the knife. Quickly he grabbed the knife with his free hand and tossed it to the side.

“Hey-Hey, it’s okay,” Eddie motioned his hands to show that they were empty and he meant no harm. Only then did the creature release Eddie’s hand, his head flopping back against the towel. Eddie leaned over and saw that its eyes were still open, but they were hazed, almost unfocused. Eddie didn’t think too much of it, probably the salt water making him go blind or something.

“Okay, I’m just gonna try to remove the net, alright?” He asked, but received no response. He leaned back over and pulled his bifocals out of his second fanny pack, then leaned back in and began examining the net.

The mermaid’s head tilted upwards, it watched the human’s fingers traced along the edges of the net. Its eyes grew wide at the sight of the spectacles on Eddie’s face.

Eddie noticed the movement and glanced over at the creature. He hummed lightly, wondering what it was looking at. The moment didn’t last too long as when Eddie leaned away from the tail, the creature lunged at him. Its arms out and claws sharp, its eyes filled with determination. Eddie shrieked and fell backwards, his hands flew up to his face.

After a moment of heavy breathing, he realized he felt no pain. He slowly moved his shaky hands away from his face and looked up at the mermaid. He was surprised to see it carefully holding his bifocals.

It held it in his hands as if they were so fragile they’d break. The creature slid them onto his face as if it was a second nature. The blue eyes blinked a couple times before its face scrunched up in confusion. It took the glasses off and held them once again in its hands. Now its face was filled with disbelief and worry.

“What?” Eddie asked, unsure of what was happening.

The creature looked up at the human with sad, hazy eyes. For a moment they just held eye contact, as if they were having a conversation with their eyes in a language Eddie didn’t understand. Then the creature held the glasses out towards Eddie with one hand, while the other pointed towards its own chest.

Eddie’s face scrunched up, he hated charades. “What about the glasses?”.

The creature pointed to itself once again.

“Your glasses?” Eddie suggested, and the blue eyes widened to an impossible size. A new emotion spread over the fish’s face, excitement. “Yeah?” Eddie asked, and nodded. “Yeah!” Eddie said happily. “Yeah…” he repeated, this time with fear laced in his voice as he had no clue where its glasses were.

Since when do mermaids wear glasses anyways? What the fuck?

“Wait- You can understand me?” It finally dawned on Eddie, he’d been talking to a mermaid, and it was responding… technically.

Its eyebrows lowered and their glare became sharp, as if to say ‘ Yeah, so? ’, followed by a slow nod. Now it had used its free arm to prop itself up on it’s elbow so they were almost at eye level.

Eddie smiled softly at the fish, his cheeks a little warmer than they were before. He nervously chuckled, “Oh, cool”. He rubbed the back of his neck, diverting his gaze around the backyard so he didn’t have to stare into those ocean eyes any longer. His sight landed on the pile of trash he said he’d sort through later that laid on his lawn and he noticed a piece of glass that shined in the light.

Eddie gasped, he jumped from his sitting position up to his feet and ran to his pile of trash. He snatched the object up off of the lawn and ran back to the mermaid, practically falling down beside it. Eddie got situated on the ground, a wide smile on his face. He held them and carefully opened them up, without any further wait, he leaned in and slid the glasses on the mermaid's face.

The fish was confused at first, unsure of how to feel about the human being so close. But the small boy didn’t give it much of a chance to react because before he could flinch, his vision cleared. Its hands moved up to its face and felt around, touching the glasses that they knew all too well.

Finally being able to see clearly, it looked up at the boy in front of it. Its lips curved into a wide smile that got a little giggle out of the human.

“So I guess those are yours?” Eddie asks.

The mermaid nods proudly. The moment is cut short when a bolt of pain cuts through the fish’s tail, it grimaces and hisses.

Eddie tenses at the sound, “Oh shit! Sorry, but can I please use the knife?” He beged, eyes wide and worried.

The mermaid lies back down on the towel, eyes forced shut. It nods.

Okay, okay, okay . Eddie’s thoughts pick up at the thought of being so close to the creature. Not because it’s like- cute or anything, no , it’s because he doesn't want to hurt it. Yeah, that’s why .

Eddie gripped the exacto knife with enough strength to make his knuckles go white. His eyes skimmed over the net, deciding on where to cut. He found a spot he claimed to be a good start and began cutting. He sliced the net up and into pieces, slowly freeing the tail from its grasp. Soon enough he was just left with the pieces that had the hooks attached to them.

“Sorry this is gonna hurt,” Eddie said before he carefully pulled the fist hook loose. The fish’s breathing hitched and filled with pain. “ Sorry!” Eddie grimaced as he pulled another one out. This one leaked a lot more blood and the mermaids hand smacked around the ground, causing Eddie to jump at the sudden sound. It felt like it took hours to fully free the tail, but soon enough the deed was done.

Eddie leaned back on his hands and tilted his head up towards the sun. “I’m sorry,” he breathed before looking back down at the mermaid. It sat upright now, carefully examining its tail. It reached out to touch one of the cuts. Eddie jumped into action and slapped the hand away. It hissed at Eddie. “Hey! Don’t do that, I’ve still gotta disinfect them, okay?” His tone grew impatient as he cracked open the first aid kit.

His back began to ache from the hours he’d spent hunched over the blue tail, disinfecting the scrapes and bandaging the deeper cuts. He moved on to the upper half of the creature.

“Tell me if this hurts, okay?” Eddie requested as the mermaid gave him a side eye look. Eddie began to slowly put pressure on different places on the fish’s chest, mainly the places with the bruises to see if- The mermaid let out a loud hiss. Eddie’s hands shot up and away as its claws came into view again. “Sorry! You have an injured rib, so that’s why it hurts. You won’t be able to move much until it heals,” Eddie explained, his mind going through the healing process when he realized it won’t be able to swim in this condition, and it certainly can’t stay on land in Eddie’s backyard.

“Oh…” Eddie’s graze dropped, a sudden wave of fatigue washed over him as he realized what he’s gonna have to do. But before he allowed himself to think over the idea too much, he finished cleaning all of the cuts that needed it.

“O-Okay, so I-um.... I can’t leave you here, and I can’t bring you back to the ocean cause you’re hurt and you need to properly heal. So i’m gonna bring you into my house and keep you in my bathtub, okay?” He rambled in hopes the creature understood what he was saying. God, I sound fucking insane. This is insane! I can’t keep an oversized goldfish in my tub. But I can’t leave him out here… the pool guys are coming tomorrow and if they see him we’d be in so much shit- It’s the only way . Eddie finalized his plan with a sigh.

“You,” he pointed at the creature, “stay,” he demanded before he got up and went back inside. He ran upstairs and into the bathroom, flopped down beside the big bathtub, and began running the water. He set the temperature to warm then took a moment to catch his breath.

Everything began to settle in. The mermaid, the scales, the storm, the future, the creature’s eyes, its freckles- Okay, Eddie stop it. It’s a fucking sea creature, you can’t have a crush on it . He huffed and rolled his eyes at his gay thoughts. Eddie’s been out for a couple months now, to his mother's dismay, and he’s been happy. Sure he’s had a couple crushes before, but he’s never had one on a fish person… So he wasn't too sure what to think of that.

The white noise created by the running water created a soothing atmosphere for the boy, and for a moment, he sat in silence and just breathed . Though the moment was short lived, a low whale-like sound erupted from his stomach, reminding him about the fact that he hasn't had lunch yet. He looked down at his watch and saw it was already 3 pm.

Holy shit, time flies when you're with a merman. If I’m hungry then imagine what it must be feeling, when was the last time it ate? What does it eat? Do I have anything to feed it? Okay let’s just focus on getting it inside first- Also? Finding a fucking name for this thing, I can’t keep calling it, well, IT!

Eddie shook all of the static out of his head and pulled himself to his feet. He turned the knob to the bathtub and turned the water off, he hoped the temperature would suffice, he’d find out soon enough.

Going back to the mermaid in his backyard, he found it in the same place he left it, which was a relief. Still on its back, with an arm on its forehead to shade its eyes from the blaring afternoon sun. It sensed the human before he approached. It moved its arm and tilted its head to look up at the towering figure.

“Hi again, so I need to pick you up to bring you inside. So you don't… die. Is that okay?” Eddie asked awkwardly. The creature simply shrugged, as if to say ‘Do what you need’. “Okay, well , you need to help me out cause you weigh a fucking ton and I am not strong. So wrap your arms around my neck and don’t-don’t fucking eat me,” Eddie instructed as he got down on his knees, bracing himself for the weight he’d soon carry.

The mermaid sat up. Eddie moved his hands underneath the tail, he didn’t wait for the mer to move its arms because he knew if he waited any longer he’d convince himself not to. So he sharply inhaled and lifted the mermaid up bridal style. He wobbled slightly as he gained his balance on his feet. The wobble sent a shiver down the mer’s spine, he jumped to wrap its arms around Eddie’s neck in fear of being dropped.

The sudden motion made Eddie smirk. “Oh, now you do it,” he forced a small laugh. Eddie began to walk forward towards the house, each step harder than the last.

When they got to the stairs, Eddie’s breath hitched when he went up the first stair, his arms almost gave out from beneath him.

The mermaid shook and buried its face in the crook of Eddie’s neck. Eddie felt the glasses dig into his neck. With the sudden change of proximities, the mer’s breath sent shivers down Eddie’s back, it was slow and warm.

The muscles in his arms burned before he even started up the staircase to the second flood. “Fuck… me,” Eddie murmed, as if it was going to take away the fiery pain that ran through his body.

Eddie was practically dragging his feet as he walked, unable to bring them up from the ground. His vision was set on the staircase in front of him, so he didn’t notice the one floorboard that was slightly higher than the others. The toe of his foot collided with the floorboard and they went toppling forward, hitting the floor with a big thump .

The creature let out a ear bleeding shriek as it fell, then pain erupted from its tail as it landed on the ground. Certainly the extra weight of a human on its torso didn’t help at all.

Eddie was in shock for a moment, unsure of what had just happened. Looking around he turned and saw he was now face to face with the mermaid. Their eyes locked, both of them wild and concerned. Eddie snapped himself back into reality before he could get lost in the ocean eyes again.

“I-I’m sorry. Shit , I’m so sorry,” Eddie stammered, his body weak and his arms aching. He rolled off the creature and onto his back. “I’m sorry,” He croaked, the failure settling in.

He didn’t move his gaze from the ceiling over his head. He didn’t want the mer to see his eyes as they filled with tears. Something cold rested on top of Eddie’s hand. Hesitantly, he dragged his eyes over to the creature beside him. The hand held onto his own as the mermaid’s lips offered a tight but comforting smile, as if to say, it’s okay, really . Eddie shifted his hand ever so slightly so the mer’s hand fit more comfortably in his. The webbing that lined the fingers of the mermaid’s hand tickled Eddie’s. Its thumb rubbed slow circles over Eddie’s knuckles.

“A-Are you okay?” Eddie whispered worriedly.

The creature was in pain, for sure, but it nodded anyways, for the human’s sake.

Neither of them were sure how long they stayed like that, hand in hand, breathing laboured and heavy, eyes on the ceiling. Although at some point Eddie’s arms felt a smidge better, and his breathing had returned. That’s when he knew he had to try again.

“1....2...3!” Eddie lifted the mermaid off the ground again. It seemed just a little easier than last time. This time he kept his breathing steady, and kept his eyes going from the stairs in front of him to his goal, the bathroom.

Once they stood in the middle of the upstairs hallway, Eddie took a minute and stood and caught his breath. He noticed the way the mer’s eyes drifted and examined his new surroundings. But something caught his eye and Eddie felt one of the arms slowly move away from his neck. Hesitantly he turned his head just in time to see the clawed hand reaching out for Eddie’s own little creature that sat in a fish tank that lined the hallway. It was his pet betta fish, Goldy. (He wasn't a creative kid, okay?).

“NO!” Eddie exclaimed, almost dropping the mermaid again. The sudden motion caused the arm to wrap back around Eddie’s neck in fear of being dropped. “Do not eat my goldfish. She is a friend, not fucking food,” he practially growled.

The creature shrank away, not a fan of the tone Eddie had gained. As much as it wanted to lean away from the boy who just scolded him, it leaned into Eddie, it liked the warmth his skin gave off. It curled a little deeper into his touch, putting his chin on top of his shoulder and nestling into the side of his face.

Eddie got the mermaid settled into the bathtub and immediately noticed a change in its mood. Suddenly its eyes had a new sparkle to them and his lips were always semi smiling.

Eddie sat on the closed toilet seat and took in the sight before him. A mermaid in my bathtub… This’ll be one hell of a diary entry . “So! I-er, I hope this isn’t rude, but are you a girl or a boy? I know you don’t have boobs but I really don’t know how this whole mermaid thing works,” Eddie stopped himself before he kept rambling.

The mer lifted two fingers in the air. Two, second, second option. “Boy?” Eddie tilted his head. The creature nodded. He sighed in relief, “Good, good… I-I’m Eddie by the way.” The creature nodded again then ducked his head down into the water and blew bubbles up at the human. Eddie huffed in amusement at the gesture.

The human’s stomach rumbled again. He rolled his eyes in response. He didn’t even bother telling the mermaid- merman? Merman. He didn’t bother telling him he was gonna leave cause the mer looked like he was having the time of his life blowing bubbles down under. Once he was in the kitchen, Eddie tried to be quick, opening up every cupboard and checking everywhere for food fit for a fish. The only thing he came across that seemed semi-suitable were fish sticks. Eddie eyed them for about half a minute before ripping the bag open, throwing them into a container then shoving it in the microwave. He made himself a quick sandwich, cheese and ketchup (That was the most unhealthy food Sonia ever let Eddie eat so let him be). He’d barley chewed his first bit before the microwave beeped. He held the sandwich in between his lips and held the container with both hands, moving it between the two cause it was hot.

Once he was back in the bathroom he took his seat back down on the toilet seat and set the container on his lap. Eddie quickly ate his sandwich, only when he looked up did he notice the merman’s eyes were sitting out of the water, watching him like a hawk from behind his sea glasses.

“Hungry?” Eddie asked as he wiped his mouth with the back of his hand.

The merman lifted the rest of his head out of the water at the sight of the food. Eddie held up a fish stick, “Okay, I know this is like processed shit but,” he sighed, tired of all the talking and manual labour he’s been doing, “It’s all I have.”

The mer shrugged and opened his mouth, asking Eddie to feed him. The human was taken aback at the gesture, but he gave in and picked up a fish stick, tearing a bite-sized chunk off. Eddie leaned forward and held it out just in front of the mer’s face. Its lips felt soft against the human skin as it took the food from him. It gulped it down happily then opened his mouth up again. The fish finished the whole container.

He opened his mouth again and Eddie scoffed, “I’m all out fish boy! I guess I’ll go get some stuff tomorrow,” Eddie motioned to the empty container. The fish let out a low grumble as he sunk back under the water and blew bubbles at Eddie, as if showing attitude.

“Oh shut it trashmouth,” Eddie retorted, the nickname just slipped out.

The water sloshed against the side of the tub as his eyes burst back out of the water.

Eddie let out a nervous laugh at the sudden movement, “W-What? You like that, trashmouth? ” Eddie said in a teasing manner. The mer’s lips smirked from underwater. The sight brightened Eddie’s smile.

“Well, trashmouth, I have no clue what time it is but I’m tired as fuck. I’m gonna go to sleep. You should too, so you can heal,” Eddie advised. He stood, took a step towards the tub and ruffled the fish’s hair. The mer leaned into the touch, the both of them enjoyed the physical attention.

Word count: 7604

I hope you guys liked the first chapter! Let me know what you think in the comments. I will see you guys next week with chapter 2, Sushi and Speeches. Until then, So Long And Goodnight.

[Taglist]

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slimepen5 · 3 years

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kasprzaks · 4 years

Text

eddie kasprzak, reactionary extraordinaire

both balloons tethered to the microfilm recorder now read ASTHMA MEDICINE GIVES YOU CANCER! below the slogan are grinning skulls.

eddie’s characterisation flooding its way into the third person narrator in the book ESPECIALLY in eddie’s bad break is amazing and i’d die for it. his voice elsewhere in the book is very poetic and looks at things more conceptually than solidly, but the more of a grounding in this chapter while his head runs wild continues and tries to comprehend such a horrible conversation (specifically looking at his convo with mr keene in eddie’s bad break p2) succeeds so much to solidify him as a character outside of just what he says and does. i love it so here’s an entire collection that shows his reactions and the intensity he reaches as he buries himself in his brain in such a difficult situation and how it’s integrated into the prose in such a way we really feel like we’re living in his head despite the third person gap we have to cross to get there.

‘Mr Keene,' he says, and his voice sounds distant to his own ears, without power. 'It was Mr Keene.'

'Not exactly the nicest man in Derry,' Mike says, but Eddie, lost in his thoughts, barely hears him.

... eddie always always has a whole thing of trying to be brave (and in this chapter he’s always saying something along the lines of what would big bill do?) but, in the process, manages to get so worked up he’s at a disconnect to what’s actually going on. as he starts to recall the memory with the rest of the losers 27 years later, he starts retreating into his own head because that’s simply how he is. he’s such a thinker that even the second he says it, he’s fading out. he barely hears him. this follows on as he recalls the memory and it’s contrary to the rest of the book where, normally, since we see eddie through someone else’s eyes (third person limited omniscient since the book is made up of multiple third person narrations), we only really see him being quiet as opposed to the actual physical disconnect we see when it is an eddie third person limited in complicated moments.

Mr Keene sat down in the swivel chair behind his desk and took one. Then he opened his drawer and took something out. He put it down next to the tall bottle of licorice whips and Eddie felt real alarm course through him. It was an aspirator. Mr Keene tilted back in his swivel chair until his head was almost touching the calendar on the wall behind him. The picture on the calendar showed more pills. It said SQUIBB. And —

— and for one nightmare moment, when Mr Keene opened his mouth to speak, Eddie remembered what had happened in the shoe store when he was just a little kid, when his mother had screamed at him for putting his foot in the X-ray machine. For that one nightmare moment Eddie thought Mr Keene would say: 'Eddie, nine out of ten doctors agree that asthma medicine gives you cancer, just like the X-ray machines they used to have in the shoe stores. You've probably got it already. Just thought you ought to know.'

... he struggles to stay in the moment and this is just how he is his whole life. i’m gonna reference it chapter two for a second but the fact that his job in that version was a risk analyst? god send, they really hit the nail on the head for what they were trying to do in that interpretation there and i totally see how they got to it because risk analysing is just what he does. in this part where he sits down with mr keene, the convo hasn’t even begun. no one’s said a word and yet the second mr keene shows promise of saying anything, mr active imagination risk analyst eddie kasprzak has already thought up everything and dreamt himself into oblivion. scenarios exist without ever fully existing and in any given moment he’s already left reality and hopped onto another universe where the worst has just or will just happen.

Mr Keene wrapped a bunched, bony, liverspotted hand around the balloon and squeezed. The balloon bulged over and under his fist and Eddie winced, trying to get ready for the pop. Simultaneously he felt his breathing stop altogether. He leaned over the desk and grabbed for the aspirator on the blotter. His shoulder struck the heavy ice-cream-soda glass. It toppled off the desk and shattered on the floor like a bomb.

Eddie heard that only dimly. He was clawing the top off the aspirator, slamming the nozzle into his mouth, triggering it off. He took a tearing heaving breath, his thoughts a ratrun of panic as they always were at moments like this: Please Mommy I'm suffocating I can't BREATHE oh my dear God oh dear Jesus meekandmild I can't BREATHE phase I don't want to die don't want to die oh please —

Then the fog from the aspirator condensed on the swollen walls of his throat and he could breathe again.

'I'm sorry,' he said, nearly crying. 'I'm sorry about the glass . . . I'll clean it up and pay for it . . . just please don't tell my mother, okay? I'm sorry, Mr Keene, but I couldn't breathe —

... gets very caught up on one thing. he does this whole whole chapter. it goes on in the next quote here ...

'Good,' Mr Keene said. 'We have an understanding. And you feel much better now, don't you?'

Eddie nodded.

'Why?'

'Why? Well . . . because I had my medicine.' He looked at Mr Keene the way he looked at Mrs Casey in school when he had given an answer he wasn't quite sure of.

'But you didn't have any medicine,' Mr Keene said. 'You had a placebo.A placebo, Eddie, is something that looks like medicine and tastes like medicine but isn't medicine. A placebo isn't medicine because it has no active ingredients. Or, if it is medicine, it's medicine of a very special sort. Head-medicine.' Mr Keene smiled. 'Do you understand that, Eddie? Head-medicine.'

Eddie understood, all right; Mr Keene was telling him he was crazy. But through numb lips he said, 'No, I don't get you.'

... it’s hard to understand that this is the truth, let alone why he’s being told this. obviously eddie’s determined on the fact that he’s not crazy, but the main part up until this point i got caught up on was his continued disconnect and mostly passive not wanting to change at all attitude so he can get out of there. the numb lips and the references before to having his voice being distant, him constantly disappearing off into the tangents his head brings him on. there’s few and far between moments where he actually responds in between mr keene telling him what he’s telling him, and the prose between that is him thinking (panickingly thinking), filled with him trying to dream up other things and trying to ground himself in thinks he can compare the unfamiliar to. i especially love the cut in, in the first quote that sk puts through the whole book of another narration coming straight from eddie’s head. the stream of panic to really push it through.

Eddie said: 'My medicine does so work.'

'I know it does,' Mr Keene replied, and smiled a maddening complacent grownup's smile. 'It works on your chest because it works on your head. HydrOx, Eddie, is water with a dash of camphor thrown in to give it a medicine taste.'

'No,' Eddie said. His breath had begun to whistle again.

Mr Keene drank some of his soda, spooned some of the melting ice cream, and fastidiously wiped his chin with his handkerchief while Eddie used his aspirator again.

'I want to go now,' Eddie said.

'Let me finish, please.'

'No! I want to go, you've got your money and I want to go!' ... 'I'm not crazy,' Eddie whispered, the words coming out in a bare husk.Mr Keene's chair creaked like a monstrous cricket. 'What?''I said I'm not crazy!' Eddie shouted. Then, immediately, a miserable blush rose into his face.

... the moment the panic finally takes over and becomes enough. strangely (thought it makes total sense when thinking about how internal eddie is versus when he’s finally had enough and gets pushed over the edge) he really does lash out. he’s immediately embarrassed that he’s done it, but he does do it. he switches from the passive life line carrying on in his brain he’s hoping will carry him out of the situation, and tries to get out of it before the emotional gets too much and really tries to put a stop to it. all in good time, too, because when eddie finally does leave ...

Eddie's brain thudded and whirled. Oh, he felt sick, he felt very sick. ... He slipped it into his pocket and watched the traffic pass back and forth, headed up Main Street and down Up-Mile Hill. He tried not to think. The sun beat down on his head, blaringly hot. Each passing car threw bright darts of reflection into his eyes, and a headache was starting in his temples.

... emphasis on the sensory and the physical manifestations of his emotions. he feels so strongly and the physical ramifications comes as a result of his anxiety. his head aches, his ‘asthma’ is acting up. of course he takes his inhaler but a few moments later and ...

He looked fixedly at the aspirator, unaware of the old lady who glanced curiously at him as she passed on down the hill toward Main Street with her shopping basket over her arm. He felt betrayed. And for one moment he almost cast the plastic squeeze bottle into the gutter — better yet, he thought, throw it down that sewer– grating. Sure! Why not? Let It have it down there in Its tunnels and dripping sewer-pipes. Have a pla–cee-bo, you hundred-faced creep! He uttered a wild laugh and came within an ace of doing it. But in the end, habit was simply too strong. He replaced the aspirator in his right front pants pocket and walked on, hardly hearing the occasional blare of a horn or the diesel drone of the Bassey Park bus as it passed him. He was likewise unaware of how close he was to discovering what being hurt — really hurt — was all about.

... this is straying away from the actual point of the post slightly, but, as it says, habit remains too strong. he’s a character that almost always returns to the ‘comfortable’, though familiar is actually a much better word for it. to return to the point of the post in regards to this, though this time the technique isn’t exclusive to eddie centric chapters, all of the losers get cut in moments of it, i especially love eddie’s thought process tied into this moment straight up verbatim. though it’s tragic that he doesn’t follow through and chuck the aspirator down the drain (though completely understandable too), this moment ties into everything else we see of the intricacies of eddie’s inner world and how it’s obviously a full one. he really does live up there. humouring any and all possibilities no matter how out there or terrible they may seem is something that he constantly does, it’s who he is. eddie lives in the hypothetical. i think this chapter really demonstrates that and lets eddie’s discomfort become so overwhelming that it’s so difficult to even pay attention to what’s going on which totally brings us into eddie’s psyche. concentrating is difficult when you could run upstairs and live there. it’s comfortable, it’s familiar, and it doesn’t really hurt as much as the real.

#* they'll eat me alive #essentially: eddie vc shut up i got anxiety #i just really think sk deserves credit here he really did write this chapter so well #it could easily stand alone as a short story but also manages to fit so seamlessly into the plot despite having a whole world around it #and you did this for what?#anyway just thinking about my favourite character in the world #actually at some point i'm defo gonna do something abt him and sonia in hospital i fucking loVVVEDDD THAT #so well written so well executed #long post /

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the-hilda-librarians-wife · 4 years

Text

Family Fights - Chapter Eleven

Summary: Even the strongest bond, the most loving family, can be broken by nightmares, and the librarian is soon to learn this. As she learns sinister things about a person who she had thought was lost forever, she realizes she will need the help of another witch to get her family back.

Notes: First and most importantly: the pentacle is a symbol that belongs to an actual culture (Wiccan/witches), and by using it in this fic I do not, by no means, want to make it look like something ~aesthetic~ or silly or fake. Respect cultural minorities and stop insisting that their symbols are demonic thanks

Now that we got the important stuff out of the way: please imagine Johanna getting flustered when she opened the door and found Maven wearing a dress. Do that for me

(chpt1) (chpt2) (chpt3) (chpt4) (chpt5) (chpt6) (chpt7) (chpt8) (chpt9) (chpt10) (chpt11)

Maven walked serenely with Hilda at her side. A feeling of lighthearted contentment washed over her, turning her steps light and her breathing easy. They’d gotten lucky with the weather - it had been sunny with a gentle breeze since early morning, and it was getting warmer by the minute. Although Maven generally prefered colder weathers, that day it fit her perfectly, in a way that she didn’t even resent having to forgo her comfortable pants and sweaters. Instead, she was wearing a purple summer dress that reached just past her knees and grey flats that she was reasonably sure hadn’t gotten out of her house for a whole year. A black wide-brimmed hat and a layer of sunscreen protected her from the sun. Summer was definitely here.

On top of that, her good mood was also due to her being very nearly alone with Hilda. When Maven showed up at her house, Johanna had confessed that she had a meeting with a client to attend, and asked her if there was any problem in leaving her to take care of Hilda by herself. It was a shame not to have Johanna’s company, but she would be lying if she said she wasn't happy that the woman finally trusted her enough to know she wouldn’t let harm come to her daughter. Their one other companion was Alfur, who seemed to have shown interest in that day’s lesson, probably because of the location.

Hilda was also wearing more appropriate clothing herself. When her mentor told her that they would be going to the beach that day (or at least to the closest thing Trolberg had to a beach), she’d ran into her room and come back in shorts and sandals. Maven hoped she wouldn’t be too disappointed by their lesson not involving any traditional beach activities.

It took longer than the librarian had thought it would for Hilda to speak up. They had left her house a full block behind before the girl’s curiosity got the best of her.

“So, what are we doing today?” She asked. Never having been to the beach, except when she passed by it on her way to find the rat king in the sewers, it was hard for her not to be excited. And it also made her feel better that Maven seemed to be in a light mood, a far cry from her zombie-like appearance from a few days before.

“We are going to study about the five elements.” The librarian declared. Out of the corner of her eye, she could see her apprentice frowning. A smile began to play at her lips.

Fire, water, earth, air. Hilda went over them on her head. But that’s only four. She was on the verge of wondering if those were not the elements that Maven was talking about when she noticed the amused glint on her eyes. She realized, then, that she wasn’t expected to know the answer.

“Well, which is the fifth?” She asked finally.

Maven kept her gaze straight forward as she walked. “The elements are what makes up everything. They’re the essence of the universe.”

“Really?”

“Well, I mean-” she shrugged. “Now we know about the atoms. But for witchcraft purposes it remains the same. You probably remember the most well known elements, but doesn’t something feel off to you? Much of the work we’ve done doesn’t involve any of the four.”

Hilda thought about it, and the more she did, the more it made sense. On their first real lesson, the librarian had taught her the most basic things in witchcraft, and although the earth had played an important role in the lesson, it hadn't been the main element of the practice.

“Energy?” She guessed, pleased when Maven nodded approvingly.

“Perfect thinking. We call it Spirit, but you got the idea.”

Hilda was silent for some time, which Maven took as a sign that she had sated her curiosity for now. Soon, they could already hear the soft crash of waves on the shore, and the cool wind that came from the sea was even stronger on their faces. The two of them walked to the area closest to the water, past the pebbles that covered the outside part of the beach, and into the warm sand. From the bag she was carrying, Maven took a towel and spread it out on the floor.

“Where is it?” Hilda asked while she sat down. “Spirit, I mean. I can see all the other elements, I know where to find them. But where is spirit?”

Maven shook her head fondly, letting herself get used to the fresh beach air. “Hilda, you’ve learned this already. Spirit is everywhere.”

_#_#_#_

They spent some time grounding. While they did so, Alfur sneakily got down from Hilda’s ear and hopped to the sand. He seemed to be trying to build himself a table out of the sand, but the witches tried not to let themselves be distracted by that.

After that stage was done, the librarian had Hilda do something different; instead of attuning herself to the world around her as a whole, Maven wanted her to connect with the four physical elements, one at a time.

Hilda chose to begin with fire. Under the librarian’s guidance, she closed her eyes and focused on the feeling of the sun on her skin. It seemed simple enough, and she was about to ask what she was supposed to do next when the instructions came.

“Now I want you to summon the strongest memory with this element that you have.” Maven said. “It doesn’t have to be good, or bad, it just has to be strong. Put it in the forefront of your mind.”

She didn’t have to think for long to remember an episode. She still could remember the day very clearly. Wanting to learn how to light a fire, she’d stacked some sticks on the outside of her house, and stolen a match from the kitchen, since she had been very young and her mother didn’t allow her to use them back then. Her mother must have been very focused on her work that day, because when her fire didn’t catch, she had gone back inside and found some cooking oil inside the pantry.

When she had poured what she’d thought to be a reasonable amount of it on the sticks, she must have spilled some on the grass around them as well. Dropping the match to her pile, Hilda had watched in amazement, and then in horror, as the fire caught and spread to the grass around it. She’d been paralyzed, able to do nothing but watch it slowly take over its surroundings.

Luckily, her mother had showed up with a bucket of water and skillfully put the fire out. She still didn’t know how her mum had showed up so fast, without even needing to be called. Maybe the light of the fire had been visible through one of the windows, but regardless of how it happened Hilda was grateful to this day for Johanna’s quick reaction.

“Visualize it the best you can.” Maven whispered, doing the exercise herself. “The scent, the warmth… feel it as if it was happening right now.”

Surprised at how real it felt, Hilda brought back the smell of smoke to her nostrils, the impossibly bright light standing against the darkness of the wilderness’ night. She didn’t know if it was only a placebo or of the sun was getting stronger, but she could swear she felt her hands getting warmer.

“How, would you say, is there magic in it?” Hilda almost startled when the librarian asked. “Fire is used in many rituals. But which spells go with it?”

“Curses.” Hilda said immediately, thinking about the fear her young self had felt when faced with the fire’s ability to consume everything near it. “Or anything related to strength.”

Her mentor didn’t push her for more, and so she didn’t say anything else. It felt good to bask in that warmth, that memory of raw power. Soon, however, she found she was feeling quite lost in the exercise. Her skin felt like it was on fire, but not in an unpleasant way; instead, it felt like she was bathing in power, but she wasn’t sure if that was all she was supposed to be doing.

Slowly, she opened her eyes, and had to stifle a gasp when she looked at Maven. She was kneeling on the ground, sitting on her feet, and her hands were cupped on top of her tights. Flickering on her palm, there was a strong flame, easily recognizable as magical because of the flashes of colour that shone inside of it every once in a while.

Had Maven not looked so calm, Hilda would have been worried for her burning herself. But as it was, the witch looked completely in charge of her work. She may have sensed that Hilda was staring at her, hypnotized by her magic, because she almost immediately opened her eyes.

“Is everything okay?” She asked when she noticed how startled Hilda looked. As she continued watching the fire, an excited smile took over her face.

“That’s so cool!” She exclaimed. “Was I supposed to do that?”

After taking a deep breath, Maven let her flame fade away.

“No,don’t worry about it. I don’t expect you to be able to summon the elements yet, it’s quite tricky.”

Yet, Hilda thought. With time and training, she’d be able to do things just like that. The idea made her exhilarated.

“Hold on.” She said when something occurred her, dropping her voice to a whisper. “Can’t people see what you’re doing?”

Before Hilda could look around them, anxiously checking for anyone that might have noticed the magic, Maven pointed to a symbol on the sand by the top of the towel.

“I already took care of that. Outsiders won’t see anything out of the ordinary when they look at us.”

A quick check told Hilda that Maven had drawn the sigil on each side of the towel, and she admired the intelligence of it. She thought she should probably memorize that sigil, it could be useful in many a situation.

They continued with the same exercises, and they made Hilda realize the reason why Maven had brought her to that place for the lesson. When they moved on to earth, the librarian gently guided her to burying her hands in the sand, feeling it pulse with energy under her. While she attuned herself to air, she noticed just how unyielding the wind was on that part of the town, and as she brought her focus to a lovely memory of dancing under the pouring rain with her mum, the sound of waves made it all more real. The elements were more intense in that place.

Something felt different about connecting to water. The feeling of cool raindrops falling on her skin felt too real, and she wondered if that was the objective of this dynamic.

“Which sort of spell goes with it?” Maven asked like she had for each element, but her voice sounded very distant to Hilda. Almost as if she was underwater and someone was talking to her from the outside.

“Intuition.” The words left her mouth without her even thinking about them, but they felt right, so she didn’t take them back. “Healing and emotions.”

“Hilda.” Her mentor said gently. “Open your eyes.”

Slowly, she blinked them open. She didn’t know when she’d done that, but during the exercise she’d raised her hands approximately to shoulder height, and now a thin stream of water was dripping from them. Her eyes widened, and as she lost her concentration, the stream dried out. Bringing her gaze to the librarian, Hilda saw that she was also wearing a smile.

“Very good, Hilda.” She said as they both looked at the wet spot in the towel where the water had fallen. “That’s very hard to get on the first try. You should be very proud of yourself.”

She was reminded that Alfur was with them when he clapped his hands for her, cheering at her success. She was admittedly quite stunned by what had happened, and she realized that it had been the first tangible piece of magic that she’d ever done. The sensation was thrilling, like she was finally on her way to being a real witch.

“I think this is enough practical training for today.” Maven said, using the same stick which she’d found on the floor and drawn the sigils to mix the sand and make them disappear. “Besides, the sun is getting too strong.”

Hilda extended her hand, still slightly wet, to Alfur, so that he could hop onto it and move back to her hair. Then, she got to her feet to allow the librarian to pick the towel up, waving it to get rid of the bulk of sand and storing it in her bag again.

“Just one last thing.” The librarian picked up the stick once more and brought the tip to the sand. She began making a drawing that looked like a star, but then she surrounded it by a circle. “Do you know this symbol?”

Hilda nodded. “Some kid doodled it on their desk, Ms. Hallgrim was livid. She says it’s evil and we should not go around drawing it.”

The girl was crestfallen when Maven pursed her lips and sighed in disappointment. She thought she’d been doing very well on that lesson, but that was not a positive reaction.

“Did I get it wrong?” She asked, holding herself back from fidgeting.

“Yes, but it’s not your fault.” Maven said gently, making Hilda drop her shoulders with relief. Her eyes were locked on the pentacle. “Many aspects of our culture were twisted to convince others that witches are vile. That’s the information most people have.”

“Look.” She used the stick to point to one of the tips. “Water.”

Hilda frowned as she too looked at the pentacle. There was no water in it, so she didn’t understand what her mentor was trying to say. Maven continued on, however, pointing at each tip at a time.

“Fire, earth, air.” She finally pointed to the tip at the top, the one she had drawn leading to the sea. “And spirit.”

“Oh.” Hilda sighed as she finally caught on to what she meant. The librarian then gestured to the circle that linked each tip.

“And the universe connecting them all. Do you see?”

Turning to the librarian to realize that Maven was already looking at her, Hilda grinned. “I do!”

Maven smiled shortly and dropped the stick to the ground. “It’s a lovely symbol. There are many meanings, but I like to use it for protection. It’s a shame it has such a bad reputation.”

Hilda had no chance to say anything before Maven began walking away. She took a few strides to catch up with her, and realized that she was still speaking.

“Does it sound good to you to grab some take out and go eat lunch at my house? I want to work through some theory with you but we really should eat.”

Hilda nodded, thinking about the perfect place to suggest. “That sounds just perfect, Maven.”

_#_#_#_

“Why do you think it only worked once?” Hilda asked. “The training, I mean. Why did it only work with water?”

The three of them were sitting on a couch in Maven’s leaving room. After lunch, they had spent some time going over the theory of elemental magic. Hilda wrote down information on her book of spells, which the librarian had asked her to bring over before they left her house for the beach, and Alfur quickly jotted down every word that left Maven’s mouth. He seemed to want to write a report on that particular area of magic.

It had been pleasant. She’d particularly enjoyed it when the librarian explained how the elements were incorporated in spells and the reasons behind them being included, which turned out to be the reason why she’d asked Hilda to say which spells she thought should use them. It turned out that, in the meditative state of connection she’d been, she’d gotten very close most of the time. Hilda had even asked which elements would be used in the Soul Spell (mostly Spirit, but also Fire for purification and healing, and Earth would be present in the form of the crystals they’d use). As nice as it had been though, she was glad for the little break that they were currently having.

“Just because you weren’t able to materialize the elements, doesn’t mean it didn’t work.” She answered. “You got in tune with them, and that was the point. But it is usually easier for a witch to do summon the element they lean towards the most.”

“So that would be water for me?”

Maven took a sip from her tea. She’d made some for the three of them, even going as far as putting some drops on a tiny cup that had belonged to her sister’s doll house for Alfur. “I’ve been noticing that you’re more of an Earth witch, actually. But Earth, just like Fire, are harder to get a hang of. There’s water in the air and, well, air in the air. So what the witch does is manipulate that which is already around them. With Fire and Earth, you actually need to create the element. Water is probably the second you relate to the most.”

“Oh, I see.” Hilda had barely finished speaking when the heard a thud from the outside. They looked in time to see something grey falling to the floor, but it was nothing recognizable.

“I’ll go see what that was!” Alfur said immediately as he put his cup down on the table. He was reasonably sure he knew what the source of the sound had been, and she didn’t want any of them to see him before he did.

“Are you sure?” Hilda asked. “It might be dangerous.”

“Don’t worry about me!” Before either of them could say anything else, the elf was already running towards the door which led to the back garden.

He didn’t even need to open the door, the gap under it was small enough for him to get through. Once he was out in the garden, he found exactly what he thought he would. A grey bird had his wing pressed to his head after having hit it in the window.

“Raven!” He exclaimed, striding to him, and he looked up to the elf. “Are you alright?”

“Yeah, yeah, I’ll be fine.” He brushed it off. “I got your letter, but I didn’t want to send the reply by mail. Who knows who handles those letters.”

Alfur blinked, somewhere between startled and impressed. “You did it already?! It’s only been a few days! The librarian was looking for longer and she managed to find nothing!”

It was true that Raven had an advantage with his point of view from above, but Maven was nothing if not skilled in her craft, and looking into each house couldn’t be that much quicker with wings than it was with magic. He sighed, rubbing his head again, and Alfur thought that he should probably offer something for the pain as soon as he could.

“No wonder she didn’t!” Raven said, gesticulating with his wings. “I only found her by chance, when I was flying over the woods.”

“The woods?”

“Yes! If you give me a map I can show you exactly where I saw her.”

Alfur looked to the the door and then back to Raven, analyzing the situation. He decided, eventually, that it was only fair for the girls to be there when his friend revealed Myra’s location.

“Come inside.” He said then. “You should show it to them first. And we could probably get some ice for your head as well.”

He was about to lead him inside when he realized Raven wouldn’t fit the gap. Luckily, he saw the problem and opened his wings, flying just high enough to land on the handle. It opened easily under his weight, and the door swung open to allow them inside.

As Raven hopped back down to Alfur’s side, they saw Maven’s eyebrows fly towards her hairline at the unexpected situation, at the same time that Hilda gasped Raven’s name.

“You know it?” Maven asked upon noticing Hilda’s reaction.

“Oh, Hilda and I are friends, ma’am.” At the answer, Maven smiled with amusement. She was beginning to see a pattern in her apprentice’s friends.

“I take it you’re a Thunderbird?”

“There’s no time for introductions at this moment!” Alfur interrupted, though his words were more anxious than rude. “Miss Maven, Raven knows where your sister is!”

#fic: family fights #my fic #the hilda librarian #hilda librarian fanfic #hilda fanfic #hilda the series fanfic

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johannesviii · 4 years

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Top 12 Personal Favorite Hit Songs from 2013

The best year in a trio of awesome years for hits. So awesome, in fact, I had to leave several excellent songs out of the list, even with two additional slots, and limit the list to songs I actually put on my mp3 player at one point or another.

What’s that? People usually call it a bad year? Well screw them.

Disclaimers:

Keep in mind I’m using both the year-end top 100 lists from the US and from France while making these top 10 things. There’s songs in English that charted in my country way higher than they did in their home countries, or even earlier or later, so that might get surprising at times.

Of course there will be stuff in French. We suck. I know. It’s my list. Deal with it.

My musical tastes have always been terrible and I’m not a critic, just a listener and an idiot.

I have sound to color synesthesia which justifies nothing but might explain why I have trouble describing some songs in other terms than visual ones.

The year I stopped working in Paris, found a job closer to home that finally made me feel helpful in the grand scheme of things, and I finally had more free time. Goodbye daily trains. I also went to some concerts! This never happened before.

2013: also the year when just about every band and artist I liked decided to make a good album. Except Depeche Mode. Depeche Mode made Delta Machine. It wasn’t great. But, uh, let’s see, Placebo made Loud Like Love (with the fantastic A Million Little Pieces), VNV Nation made Transnational, Daft Punk made Random Access Memories... Nine Inch Nails came back with Hesitation Marks, which is pretty great with a couple of fantastic songs. Lady Gaga made the vastly underrated ArtPop! Even Eminem made a pretty decent album! Eminem! In the year of our lord 2013! And The 1975 made their debut album. They would eventually become one of my favorite bands of the 2010s, but not yet, though. And Indochine redeemed themselves by releasing Black City Parade, their absolute best album of the decade.

However, despite Indochine’s excellent effort and the return of Nine Inch Nails, the album of the year, at least to me, was Kveikur by Sigur Rós. At that point, I had been following their stuff for ten years, and this album still blew my goddamn mind. It’s so heavy and dark and so different from what they had been doing since Agaetis Byrjun. It’s loud and textured and industrial and yet, there’s so much light above the dark. They out-NIN’ed Nine Inch Nails. There isn’t a single track I don’t love on this album. It’s their best one in my humble opinion.

As far as unelligible songs go, boy, where do I start. Uh. Copy of A and Came Back Haunted (Nine Inch Nails), certainly, A Million Little Pieces (Placebo) as I already mentioned, Memoria and College Boy (Indochine - I’m actually shocked they aren’t on the French top 100), Chocolate by The 1975, and most infuriating of all, Castle of Glass by Linkin Park, which is imho their best song of the 2010s. Oh well.

But there’s still a shit ton of stuff which was elligible but didn’t make the list. Here’s a lot of honorable mentions. There were like ten more of them initially, mind you.

Sirens Call (Cats On Trees) - You know how in just about every top ten post I’ve made so far, there’s a song where I’m like “if I had better taste this would be higher”? This is this song for 2013.

Don’t You Worry Child (Swedish House Mafia) - Catchy but borderline annoying. Still very good.

Counting Stars (One Republic) - This is so happy and catchy. More songs like this nowadays, please.

I Cry (Flo Rida) - Still elligible. Still great. Still not on the list.

Ho Hey (The Lumineers) - Same thing here, sadly.

Animals (Martin Garrix) - I called Bangarang from the previous list a perfect stim song, and this is in the same ballpark. Not as good, but great shapes and colors all around.

Berserk (Eminem) - That song has a lot of really bad lines, but also a lot of much needed energy, it’s a ton of fun, and I love the “say f█ck it before you kick the bucket” part of the chorus. I was so glad to hear Eminem having fun again. Would certainly have made the list in a more mediocre year. Not the most infuriating thing I had to leave out of the list, though.

Radioactive (Imagine Dragons) - THIS IS IT THE APOCALYPSE OH WOHO no I don’t have anything intelligent to say, it’s just great.

Best Song Ever (One Direction) - This is my favorite song from that band. It might be because it sounds suspiciously like Baba O’Riley. If you think I’m gonna complain about people ripping off good songs, please check my entry about I Gotta Feeling by The Black Eyed Peas a few top 10s before this one.

Wait. Waiiit. What if the “best song ever” they can’t remember in the lyrics WAS Baba O’Riley?? Wouldn’t that be the best meta song ever? What do you think? I mean, that one could indeed claim the title of best song ever.

Get Lucky (Daft Punk) - I know. I know. But I couldn’t put it on the list. It’s not my favorite song from the album, it was overplayed, and even if it’s extremely good it stays roughly at the same level for the entirety of the song. I love it, but I had to draw the line somewhere and cut the list. I didn’t want to make another top 15.

Carry On (fun.) - This was the last cut from the list. It was a really painful one. Not my favorite song from them, but still very, very good.

There’s been lists where I had to put filler. If I had to put actual grades to them, some songs I put on some lists would get a 6/10 or even a 5/10 for really bad years (looking at you 1990). Sometimes, I had to put stuff I’d grade 7/10 as high as #3.

If I had to grade this 2013 list according to my personal taste in music, #12 would get an 8/10, #11 would get a 9/10, and everything in the top ten would either be a 9,5 or a 10. No joke. That’s how good that year was for hits.

Let’s go.

12 - My Songs Know What You Did In The Dark (Light’Em Up) (Fall Out Boy)

US: #40 / FR: Not on the list

There you have it. Three songs from a band I consider pretentious asshats ended on my lists. Including this one, in a year where I decided to severely limit my options for songs. And at the time? I thought it was just an okay song, way too slow but okay. Not great. At all.

It took it about three whole years to grow on me, and it also took me a while to actually know what it was about, and as I said previously, framing is everything ; knowing this song basically said “we’re back, and we’ve changed, and you’re not gonna like it so you’re gonna feel betrayed and you’re gonna burn your old posters, and in the end you’re also gonna betray us” makes it a lot, lot better. I especially love the “Burn everything you love then burn the. ashes” line with the weird pause for emphasis.

It just goes stomp, stomp, stomp. It’s heavy. You can’t dance to it. You can’t even have fun while listening to it. But you can certainly stomp along, and feel angry, and, yes, betrayed, and three years after 2013, I certainly needed that kind of song. A lot. You know exactly why.

11 - Burn (Ellie Goulding)

US: Not on the list / FR: #54

I discovered Doctor Who at the very, very end of 2013, and for some reason I associate this song with Martha’s journey during the year that never was at the end of S3, trying to convince the entire Earth to fight back against the Master. That’s all I have to say about this song. It’s great.

10 - Instant Crush (Daft Punk ft Julian Casablancas)

US: Not on the list / FR: #26

So yep, Get Lucky isn’t my favorite song on Random Access Memories, and thank you French charts for allowing me to put this one on the list instead.

Like a ton of people, I couldn’t figure out what the chorus was, apart from a couple of isolated words, and that felt exactly like being 10 and trying to decipher songs with my limited English. And then I checked the lyrics, and they were mostly variations on “I don’t want to be alone” and they rhyme “go” with “go”, so, uh, nothing of value was lost that day. And it still sounds fantastic.

9 - Applause (Lady Gaga)

US: #37 / FR: #66

Yes, there’s some really stupid shit in the lyrics and the theme of the song itself isn’t particularly inspiring, but that chorus is a happy burst of fuzzy bright angular shapes, and it’s so energetic it feels like you could phase through walls by sheer force of will while listening to it. It would be even higher if the lyrics were better, I swear.

8 - Papaoutai (Stromae)

US: Not on the list / FR: #4

And the boss of cleverly written hit songs strikes again. Pretty sure that one, like Alors On Danse, is well known even if you don’t speak French. As I understand it, apparently French teachers like to use it in class. But yeah, just in case: it’s a song about his absent father. My favorite part:

Un jour ou l'autre on sera tous papas (One day or another we’ll be dads) Et d'un jour à l'autre, on aura disparu (And one day or the next, we’ll be gone) Serons-nous détestables? (Will we be despicable?) Serons-nous admirables? (Will we be admirable?) Des géniteurs ou des génies (Parents or geniuses) Dites-nous qui donne naissance aux irresponsables? (Tell us who birthes irresponsible people?) Ah, dites-nous qui, tiens (Ah, tell us who ; weird) Tout le monde sait comment on fait des bébés (Everybody knows how to make babies) Mais personne ne sait comment on fait des papas (But nobody knows how to make dads)

And it’s also horribly catchy. And it was kind of a meme here. It was everywhere. I’m surprised it wasn’t even higher than that on the French year end top 100.

7 - Underwater (Mika)

US: Not on the list / FR: #70

Why do I love this song so much even though I usually hate songs like that. This is the kind of romantic bullshit Robbie Williams does, and for the record I absolutely hate Angels, and Underwater even sounds a bit like Angels, and it also has the same kind of corny central metaphor. So. Why do I love Underwater again? How can I justify this? I’ve got no clue.

We don’t deserve Mika.

6 - I Need Your Love (Calvin Harris ft Ellie Goulding)

US: #56 / FR: #51

By now you must all be extremely tired of reading me describing songs in visual ways but this song is the sound equivalent of some sort of light show mixed with Dance Dance Revolution patterns. It’s incredibly kinetic and full of joyful, glittering energy, and I love it so goddamn much.

As a 90s kid who loved eurodance, I’m incredibly grateful this kind of music still exists and is still charting.

5 - Treasure (Bruno Mars)

US: #30 / FR: #23

Speaking of nostalgia. Well, not really, since I wasn’t born in the era this is trying to mimic, but still. I don’t have anything to say about this, apart maybe from the fact this is the song that finally made me like Bruno Mars.

4 - Hey Brother (Avicii)

US: Not on the list / FR: #18

I already mentioned how much I loved Avicii’s music when I briefly talked about Levels, and Hey Brother is even better. As you might know I have a little brother and as it is often the case with siblings we fought a bit but we also shared a lot of things, and games, and weird private jokes, and yeah that song can occasionally make me cry a fair bit if I’m being honest.

Also, it’s kind of my main theme song for Charley and C’rizz, so, yeah, it’s just another layer of Feelings(tm).

3 - I Will Wait (Mumford & Sons)

US: #52 / FR: Not on the list

As you might have noticed, there’s one genre that is conspicuously absent from my lists as far as the US hit songs are concerned, and that’s country. I’ve got nothing against country music, I just rarely find it visually interesting. Now I do like folk rock on the other hand, but its big era is long gone, and it’s quite rare to hear anything from it in the charts nowadays. I liked Ho Hey by the Lumineers, but I always thought it was a little bit too slow.

And then I found Babel by Mumford & Sons at the library, gave it a try, loved it, felt like discovering a modern band version of Bob Dylan with simpler lyrics, and this isn’t my favorite song on the album and it’s still at #3 on this list. Quality, man, just quality.

My favorite song from the album is Lover of the Light, by the way.

2 - Can’t Hold Us (Macklemore & Ryan Lewis)

US: #5 / FR: #8

Sometimes you need angry fight songs, sometimes you need energetic fight songs, and sometimes you need happy fight songs. And when something combines the last two, it’s like you caught a star in a Mario game and you’re f█cking unstoppable.

If Macklemore doesn’t get more hit songs at some point in the near future I’m gonna punch a wall.

1 - Roadgame (Kavinsky)

US: Not on the list / FR: #44

This song has no music video. It was still an enormous hit.

As you may recall, I already said once or twice that I liked to hang out at the disc store after class while I was in highschool and uni, and it still happened regularly after I started to work. Even nowadays, if I had a really, really bad day, there’s a good chance I’ll go there and spend at least an hour there just listening to stuff.

So here I was, one fine (actually bad) day, and this song was playing, and I was mesmerised, and for the first time ever, I felt the need to find a vendor and ask what was playing. I found one and the guy instantly beamed and went “oooooh I picked that album to play it in the store today! :D That’s Kavinsky, he’s great, here, have a listen” but it was already getting late so... I trusted him and basically bought the album blind.

Best decision ever. On top of being one of the best albums of the 2010s, OutRun is a concept album presented as if it was the soundtrack of a movie that never existed, about a young guy getting killed in a car crash in 1986 and somehow fusing with his car mentally and reappearing as some sort of technological zombie in 2006. And Roadgame is one of the best songs on the album if not the best. Well, my favorite song on it is actually Testarossa Autodrive, but you get my point.

I was like “there’s no way this is going to be big”, and I was dead wrong, thankfully. As a big fan of electronic music full of lights and flashes and colors but with dark overtones, I couldn’t be happier about this being one of the sounds of the year. Just fantastic stuff.

It’s 2020, man. Please drop that second album. We’re ready to have our minds blown all over again. Just do it.

Also, thank you random vendor from the disc store.

Next up: I have no idea why some people call 2014 a really bad year for hit songs tbh

#Johannes’ bad not good pretty terrible music lists #music #long post #eye contact tw

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starryknightace · 4 years

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I had Top Surgery! (Post Op 1 1/2 Weeks pics)

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Suprise! I had top surgery almost 2 weeks ago. It was a bit of a process to get to that point and i was literally counting down the hours til i went under. I kept joking to people i was most excited about my "induced 4 hour nap" more than anything. I got to my day surgery clinic early in the morning, to which i got changed into scrubs, was told to wait under a blanket to keep my body warm, and met with the nurse, anesthetist and my surgeon for pre op discussions. Then i was escorted into the operation theatre where i hopped on the table, got nice and comfy with blankets, tubes, oxygen mask annnnddd.... woke up 4 hours later forgetting i had surgery 🤣

I did this in my last surgery (which in comparission was more terrifying cause i had blood in my mouth and couldnt remember what happened to me), but i woke up and couldn't work out where i was, why i felt so dizzy and how i got clothed 🤣 i spent about 2 hours in the recovery room sat in a recliner chair dozing off, except to eat (cause i had been fasting prior) and drink. I did try to pee but couldn't which was frustrating 😅 then i was taken home, where i promptly went to sleep lol

I had my drains in for 72 hours and they were the worst part of recovery. I carried bottles in a pillow case and they had be be positioned lower than my chest at all times. Luckily i wasn't able to move much and while i was on strong pain medication i mainly slept. I had my mum stay with me for a week and i'm thankful she did cause she really saved my butt by doing everything for me (i really had to let go of my control which was weirdly hard, i just felt bad making her do things for me but she was happy to). The drains were uncomfortable and by the morning there were to be taken out i was really hurting where they were inserted. After they were taken out it was a blessing and recovery got A LOT easier. I had shallow baths every few days and my mum helped me was my hair. I had baby wipes for my armpits and chest area which again saved me from being stinky. I still mainly slept, or watched tv shows with my mum up until she left. She prepped me a LOT of meals before she left so i wouldn't have to cook.

Sleeping on my back was probably the most uncomfortable part (after the drains), because i'm a stomach sleeper. I have been managing to sleep though which has been nice (and Maple has been good, sleeping beside me all through the night!). I've been sleeping elevated to help with swelling. I actually got told off by my nurse while doing my week post op check up cause i was still doing too much. I went to Uni for a 6 hour workshop that day too and went to a costume showcase that night. Safe to safe i was exhausted the next day and didnt do much but sleep.

So i'm still quite swollen and bruised 1 1/2 weeks in, which will eventually settle down. my nipples seem to be taking well so crossing fingers the blood returns. I was worried about puckering but being able to closely examine my chest it's due to the swelling at the moment so hopefully that goes down too.

All in all i can't stop smiling at my chest - i finally feel like myself 😁

Some tips for those looking to have Top Surgery based on my experience:

MEDICINE

I have a high pain threshold - i was willing to go to uni a week post op because i could stand to - would recommend people booking off at LEAST 3 weeks prior to work/study if you can help it. I have only one class per week at the moment and its only theory so thats why i was able to travel and even then i was taken pain killers ever 4 hours.

In my mother's words "don't be a hero, if you need to take pain relief, do it". Best advice. I've weened myself off pain killers to 2 just before bed (panadine forte), or before i need to go out and do things (genral paracetamol). If you need to take more just do it - also write down when you've taken things (because its good to know how much you've had per day!) You can take iburofen and paracetamol intermittedly in 4 hour intervals (eg. Iburofen at 12pm, paracetamol at 2pm, another dose of iburofen at 4pm, etc).

You'll also be taking antibiotics - generally 3 times a day with meals. I also took probiotics 2 hours after taking my antibiotics to avoid the sideaffects of them (eg. Mouth Ulcers (which i did get dang it), thrush, etc).

I was also taking strong pain killers (for the first few days i took 2 every 4 hours then weened down to one per night). Be careful with strong pain killers - the thing doctors/people don't tend to mention is that they can be addictive/dependent drugs. Sometimes you would prefer to keep taking them and that can be an issue. I asked my surgeon at my 1 week if i could please get one more script of something a little stronger than paracetamol to take a night and it took a bit more of a discussion to get it. If you can try to get by on the paracetamol alone do so and remember you can alternate with iburofen every two hours.

WEIRD BOWELS

With all these medications you'll more than likely get constipated so adding to the list of medications i also took good ol' laxatives. The first poop after surgery was like 3 days later and it hurt 😅 the laxatives helped me after to soften my stools (cheat mode is when you're lactose intolerent and you eat a bunch of cheesecake whoops 😅). Also peeing was weird for the first week due to the anesthestics in me. It took me ages to pee, sometimes i had the feeling of needing to pee but nothing happened, and i was peeing like, every hour.

SUPPORT

Both in furniture sense and people sense.

My mum was my main support especially in the first week. She looked after me, my house and my cat. She grabbed things i couldn't access, drove me to my appointments, managed my medicine, cooked me food and generally just helped me around the place. Originally i only wanted her there for a few days but im glad she was there cause i was sore and out of it most of the time. Alongside her my two best friends were also a massive help - coming over to keep me company, drive me places, help me do my grocery shopping, tell me off for overdoing it, gave me plenty of entertainment (thanks to katie i finished wind waker!). Get yourself some support and let go of that control, you will honestly be too tired and sore to do anything anyway.

Make sure you get yourself some comfy pillows. I got myself a U shaped pillow and it has so far saved my neck so much pain. I sleep elevated which means more pillows to prop myself up. And pillows for my couch.

WASHING

So for the first 72 hours i was just a gross gremlin with dry shampoo because of the drains. My chest was covered in bandages so i couldn't wash that area anyway. After the drains were removed i was told i could have showers, but i opted for shallow bathes anyway. I was able to wash myself fine (just go slow), then i would put pants on and get my mum to help wash my hair. After my 1 week check up i started having showers, but stood out of the stream. I only have tape to cover my stitches now (i took them off for the photo) so am able to carefully wash parts of my chest and back i couldnt get to before. I can now wash my hair (slowly). Raising my arms is still not easily fesable but i can lift them to a certain point.

EMOTIONAL

Now, i wasn't as emotional as i thought i was going to be but i do know other trans guys who said they went through bouts of depression after their surgery. Its something to look out for. For me, it was emotionally draining to talk to people about it constantly. I didn't mind though and it was nice people checked up on me but it did wear me out. Its always good though to check in with your emotional state throughout to see how youre feeling. It's not an inmediate grattification, the swelling and bruising is a lot and it won't look right for a while. Also leading up to surgery people can feel fearful and doubtful, always chat to a loved one about your feelings! Personally i had no nerves leading up to surgery but afterwards i was constantly worried that i wasn't healing right. Talking to your surgeon will HELP trust me!

SCARRING

Ok this was a big shock to me so i hope this helps other people but scar medication/ointments don't actually work. I asked my surgeon about it and as a skin professional who has been studying the effects of scarring for over 40 years - this is a beauty scam you don't need to bite into.

"Time and your genetic biology are the only ways that help your scars heal, sorry to burst your bubble but save your money on that placebo".

Looking after yourself the first few months post op will help you get good results later.

Of course i understand if people will still want to buy scarring products but thought i would post the words of a professional too 😅 don't shoot the messenger on this one. And if you do decide to use the stuff then wait 6 months before doing so.

I think that's all i can think of at the moment. There's a really good private facebook group for top surgery and i got a lot of my info from there. If people are curious feel free to DM me, send me an inbox and i'd be happy to chat as best i can! My experience is based in Australia so people might have different expectations/experiences in different countries!

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#top surgery #ftm #transition #transgender #mascetomy #surgery #post surgery #gender transformation #gts #gender transformation surgery #tumblr dont shoot me there are no nip nops and no mentions of milk sacts flesh #long post #long read #under the cut #double mascetomy #double incision

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