I didn't really realize how de-regulated I'd gotten until I starting to come out of it a bit, like it's just tip-of-the-iceberg stuff these last few weeks but *man*

I think also part of it is just, it's really hard to explain to people who don't just kinda naturally struggle with the same thing? Like it's not just "oh I need a better sleep schedule," but more like "if I don't have a binge night til like 4am 1-2x a week then I start to overheat like an old computer" and that just don't translate well, esp when it's like...yes, I know about every other coping strategy thank you, yes I've employed them, yes I know how habits are built, yes I've seen the therapist, yes yep uh-huh--

But when things start to be calm and it's easier to sit down and work on things and the brain noise starts to flatten, it's just like...huh. Y'know, it's not too late, but I'm tired and I think I'd rather go to bed. And like everything in life kinda has to change for that sometimes, but it's weird how easy it is once it does

A Day Of Autistic Joy *For Me* Is...

A soft, grey day where the sunshine isn't too bright or overwhelming

A day of eating safe foods, finding comfort in their predictability and not being judged for what I'm eating and how I'm eating it

Wearing noise cancelling headphones because I want to not because there is so much overwhelming noise that I *have* to wear them

Listening to my favourite songs that I know all the lyrics to and it feeling like I'm inside the music

Being in control of my surroundings, knowing that everything will be in the right place and the bowls and cutlery I use will be clean and not moved around by someone else

Watching Halloween films and spooky/magical TV shows no matter what time of year because they are one of my special interests

Reading a book and not having to re-read the same sentence over and over because my executive functioning hasn't been depleted

Going on a walk which doesn't overstimulate me and being able to stim without being stared at by other pedestrians or people going past in their cars

Sitting in rooms that are lit by soft, side lamps rather than harsh over-head lights

Watching a video from one of my comfort youtubers whilst savouring my favourite flavour coffee and drinking it from my favourite mug which is just the right size and weight

Please add your ideas of autistic joy in the comments, I need some positivity in my life right now

Frequently Asked Questions

Welcome to the FAQ. Here are some of the most often asked questions in my inbox.

- Who are you, and what am I doing here? Hello, I’m Joy, and this is my little corner of the internet. You may know me from such viral posts as Crucifix Nail Nipples, Robin Williams punching death eaters, or from my advocacy work where I focus on issues of disability, chronic illness, and neurodivergency. You may also know me from my international best-selling novel about vampires and werewolves kissing.

In which case, the vampire nipple thing probably comes as a bit of a shock. I also co-host @theayesphere, an interactive podcast with my bestie @ayeforscotland, on his Twitch channel.

If you genuinely do not know how you got here, welcome anyway. I hope you find a reason to stay.

- I sent you a message, and you never responded! I’m sorry about that. I get a lot of mail daily, and it’s impossible to keep up with. It’s not a reflection of you or my regard for you. I appreciate every kind word and message of support sent my way, even if I can’t always reply to it.

I am but a humble peddler of smut who never expected to have a viral blog. I’m also multiply disabled, so the struggle to keep up is real.

- So, what’s wrong with you? How long have you got?

The quick answer is I have a connective tissue disorder known as Hypermobile Ehlers Danlos Syndrome (hEDS), comorbid with Mast Cell Activation Syndrome (MCAS) and Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome (POTS). All three were diagnosed in 2020 after a lifelong struggles with chronic pain, chronic fatigue, fainting episodes and what I thought was asthma and chronic vomitting but actually turned out to be slow-acting idiopathic anaphylaxis. I am now on a treatment plan and am considered stable.

In late 2022 after losing the entire year to debilitating migraines, I was also diagnosed with atypical Binocular Vision Disorder by a neuro-ophthalmologist. This was a major root cause of my chronic migraines which had been missed by both a regular ophthalmologists and several neurologists. My case was considered ‘atypical’ because I did not present with the classic double vision symptoms checked for by most ophthalmologists. But upon extensive testing by the neuro-ophthalmologist, the misalignment in my eyes was diagnosed correctly and I was prescribed micro-prism glasses. I was also prescribed red-tinted lenses to help with extreme photophobia, as red blocks more blue light than other colors.

After three months of screen rest and allowing my eyes to adjust to the lenses – as well as extensive vision therapy–my monthly migraine count went from 20+ migraines a month down to 3. My remaining migraines appear to be hormonal in nature, but I have found that taking 400mg of b2 (riboflavin) a day, as prescribed by my neurologist, has greatly reduced the pain.

Despite the recent progress in my treatment, I am still a very sick, very fatigued individual and struggle to keep up with life sometimes.

I also have chronic ‘double depression’, cPTSD and ADHD, leaning more toward the hyper end of the spectrum. So I’m doubly cursed with a slow, slow body and a fast, fast mind that sometimes wants to yeet itself off a cliff. It’s an Experience. All of my posts pertaining to mental health are tagged as #mental health. Most of my ADHD stuff can be found under #adult adhd.

You can read more about my health issues by following my #chronic health tag or blacklist if you prefer! I also have one for my teeth #chronic health tag: teeth, though that one is less active since the nerve damage in my jaw was resolved.

- Why do you use affiliate links? Good question! There are a lot of hidden costs that go into indie publishing, and a large part of that is what we lose to places like Amazon in fees. Using affiliate links to promote our work allows authors to recoup some of that loss from our royalties, though not quite all of it. The links don’t cost you anything, nor do they tell me anything about your private data or shopping habits. They’re just a way for me to claw money back directly from Amazon. I try to limit how often I link to Amazon as the only thing I’m interested in peddling are my weres. And maybe a couple of vampires while I’m at it.

- Who is ETD/Mothman?

ETD/Mothman was the name my blog gave to my husband several years ago when my blog started getting popular. He has since joined Tumblr, and you can follow his shenanigans @mothman-etd

- Wait, you wrote a book?! I did! Hunger Pangs: True Love Bites is a 2x international best-selling paranormal, pun-filled polyamorous queer romance series with elements of Gaslamp fantasy and political satire. It features vampires, werewolves, and several other manner of creatures that go bump in the night. It has been described by those who have read it as “like reading the queer-goth-punk love child of Terry Pratchett meets Jane Austen. You can read more about it here or check out my website. The primary tag used by the fandom here on Tumblr is #Phangs.

- Vampires or werewolves? Why not both? \_(ツ)_/

- Hi, I want to support your work! Which purchase method best supports you? Any way you choose to purchase my books helps me! Purchasing through my Payhip or Gumroad nets me the most money, but purchasing through sites like Amazon contributes to my sales ranking, which increases my chances of trending in the algorithm and gaining a wider audience. Reviews are also a fantastic way to support an author, as is word of mouth.

Please note, I will be phasing out the Gumroad links following their stance on NFTS and the ensuing behavior of their CEO on Twitter. This should not affect your files. If, for some reason, you lose your digital copy and Gumroad won’t let you download it again via your email link, please reach out to me at info @ joydemorra.com

- Can I write fanfic/create fanart of your work? Please do! I want nothing more for you to enjoy my work to the point of creation. Just be careful not to tag me in any fanfic, and please don’t send me any headcanons. If someone accidentally guesses my plot and shows it to me, it can risk any of my future book plans. Keep fandom discussions within fandom. The author is (un)dead, and their opinion doesn’t matter. If you make fanart, you can tag me in that, but please don’t link to your Patreon or Ko-Fi in the post where I can see it. If I see you are making a profit from my work, I am legally obligated to file a takedown. If I do not see any such links, which may or may not exist in any reblogs I am not immediately tagged in, we do not have a problem. 🙈🙈🙈

- Can I cosplay your characters and tag you? Absolutely! Just make sure you follow the above advice about Ko-Fi and Patreon links.

- Will you sign my copy of [____] If this is post-pandemic times and we are at a meet and greet, yes! I’ll also have bookplates for sale soon that you can insert into your copies or do with them as you please.

- Are you going to turn any of your books into audiobooks? Yes! My audiobooks are narrated by Catherine Bilson (aka @caitlynlynch) and you can find them listed under my buy link options.

- Why do you write two versions of the same story? Glad you asked! I write two versions of all my stories so that people who enjoy sex scenes can enjoy them, and those who prefer not to read depictions of sexual acts don’t need to skip pages to avoid the more explicit scenes. You can read more about my decision to do this here.

- Help! I bought the wrong version! Most of my retailers will allow you to return the book for a full refund, freeing you to purchase the correct copy. If you bought a copy through my Gumroad or Payhip, drop me a line at info @ joydemorra.com, and we’ll get it resolved :)

- You’re an editor, right? Will you look at my manuscript? Regrettably, I am not taking on any new clients at the moment, but if you would like to check out my editors, you can fine them at @roselarkpublishing

- When will you be editing again? When I have the mental and physical capacity greater than the depth of a teaspoon.

- When is your next book coming out? When I have the mental and physical capacity greater than the depths of a teaspoon. (Sorry, I know I’m taking too long.)

- Will you reblog my donation post? I’m afraid that due to the high volume of requests that I get (anywhere from 5-20 a day), I am currently only reblogging donation posts from mutuals. I’m sorry. There are just too many for me to keep up with without flooding my dash. But please do look into @copperbadge’s Radio Free Monday, which I always try to reblog. The submission form is here, and Sam wrote a guide on how to write fundraising posts here.

- What’s your favorite book? Feet of Clay by Terry Pratchett. Closely followed by Going Postal by Terry Pratchett and Howl’s Moving Castle by Diana Wynne Jones.

- What’s your favorite movie? Singin’ in the Rain!

- Favorite music? I’ve been listening to The Amazing Devil on loop for over eighteen months, so it’s safe to say I like them.

- Why do you use Amazon? Aren’t they evil incarnate?!?

They are, but they’re also the biggest-selling platform for eBooks for indie and trad authors and not using them is career suicide. If you don’t like Amazon, I have plenty of other platforms for you to use, including directly from my Payhip, which allows you to use Kindle without giving Jeff Bezos a penny.

- Can I send you something I made/thought you might like? Sure! My PO Box is:

JOY DEMORRA # 250 2038 FORD PARKWAY SAINT PAUL MN 55116

- I saw you from the essential oil discourse and was just wondering… Please have pity on my chronic fatigue and refer to the master list post compiled very kindly by @paradoxanomalyenigma. You may find that I have already answered your question. If not, come ask me!

- Why did you move from Scotland to the US? I met and fell and love with Mothman. Originally we were going to live in the UK, but they changed the immigration laws six weeks before our wedding, and it ended up being more accessible for me to move here than for him to move there. Ideally, we would both like to have dual citizenship one day.

- Does Mothman really believe in me? Always.

- Are you Wiccan? No, I’m a pagan who identifies as a secular witch and have been for the last 20+ years. I don’t hold to any particular creed or belief. The gods might well exist. I’ve just got little time for them.

- Can you post to your bad luck chain-mail spell breaker? It makes me feel better. Here you go! Here’s my other curse breaker post if you want it, too.

diary march 2023

my life has been weird lately.

i have been enjoying my new medication. i find myself taking joy in little things i previously found myself too pessimistic or focused on a bigger picture to slow down and appreciate. ive stopped dreading the hours after the sun sets and dont feel afraid being alone with my thoughts as much as i used to.

ive mostly spent the time trying to be present. mostly attending to my real life responsibilities and using my free time to focus on the people i care about and trust the most.

that being said, i still feel really incomplete. one of my goals with the meds was to feel more motivated in daily life. my executive dysfunction is something i had always attributed to my depression, but now that ive improved on that front its been easier for me to grasp my individual symptoms and what might be going on...

ive always known im neurodivergent in some way, and ive had some pressure on me as a child from the adults in my life to get it sorted out. struggled in educational settings. barely floundered out of special-ed tests and sessions. saw counselors long term. my parents hadnt thought me special in that regard though. jules has anxiety, most kids have anxiety. i had tried to communicate that i felt uniquely different a couple times but i was young, without the words to describe what i was going through, without the agency to seek psychiatry on my own, to even know that psychiatry was an option.

ive definitely also internalized some of the internet rhetoric ive seen about self-diagnosis even if i dont agree with it. i told myself for a long time that because an authority never told me i have adhd that i was being attention-seeking if i even SUSPECTED anything, not realizing that "hey, i identify with these symptoms and think i might have a problem!" is an important part of getting diagnosed to begin with 😭

all of that to say, i feel decently confident that i have inattentive adhd. ive spent some time researching and talking to friends who deal with it. more and more things become obvious in retrospect. i want to be able to think clearly! i want to be able to focus on one task for more than 15 minutes at a time! i want to go a day where i dont forget to do the most utmost basic things to care for myself like... eating!!!!

i feel bad for continuing to have to put my life and projects on hold while i get help (yay having to wait several weeks just to talk to my doctor for 10 minutes and get a referral to even get started), but i cannot stress how much i cant, like, DO!!!! i CANNOT focus. ever. at all. its SO frustrating, and even if i get diagnosed i have weeks or months of experimenting with different medications ahead of me until i might start feeling productive again. the thought really stresses me out. do i have adhd? who knows dude!!!! im kind of running out of options. the only way out is through (the perfume department).

As an elder ADHD kid, I was diagnosed ADD at age 8, in 1997; I am both delighted in the progress we have made, and in deep mourning for my own possibilities.

I was diagnosed in the pioneering days of ADHD research. My pediatrician thought something was up before I went to school, but my dad was against me being taken to a psychologist, he changed completely by the time I was 8.

I'm a cis female. Why does that matter? Cause the fact is, people who are AFAB tend to present differently than people who are AMAB. Boys showed more of the physical hyperactivity, girls showed more mental hyperactivity. Women or AFAB, are less likely to be diagnosed in childhood, because we tend to be seen as less "disruptive".

Five years of being crammed into a typical school environment, with teachers who meant well, but had no idea what was going on with me. I was caught by a fresh teacher, a couple years in the game, and diagnosed later.

I wish it had helped, but I still didn't know what was going on. It was medicine, doctors offices, and me withering away, trying to be normal, wondering what was wrong with me. I was 20, I think, when an education teacher in college, told me ADHD doesn't mean they can't pay attention, it means they pay attention to EVERYTHING. That blew me away. It would be another five years until I got another glimpse into how my brain worked, and I didn't start following amazing social media pages that really explained what was going on, until my late 20s.

My freshman math teacher has a daughter who is a lot like me. The big difference, adults understand the neurodivergent brain so much better today. This girl has been removed from traditional school, and started seeing a life coach, "who is unlocking real world experiences and helping her decipher what brings her joy and how to channel that into a way to make a living."

Her daughter is now thriving! They have noted amazing changes, because she doesn't have to force herself into a little box anymore. While my heart soared reading her mom's post, I couldn't help but think, what if that had been an option for me? My parents did everything out of love, and since learning more about how my brain works, my mom has been my biggest supporter, my dad passed away before I figured these things out, but I know he'd be supportive too.

But the damage was done, as unintentional as it was, and I'm left trying to unlearn, find myself, and succeed as an adult. I feel like a baby again, trying to relearn how to work with my brain, and it is exhausting.

To the neurokin out there who are finding new, healthier support, I am so happy for you! 💙💙💙 But, I do mourn what I missed out on if I had understood my brain.

Hi, I'm Rachel, lengthy intro ahead!

I am a late diagnosed autistic, queer woman, massive geek, dog lover (animal lover generally!), crafter, gardener, witchy souled, mental health warrior. I live in Musselburgh with my wife and two sweet, mildly hectic staffies.

I studied Massage at Edinburgh College 2021/22, it was hard but worth it! I'm currently doing a certificate in Meditation too and hope to continue to add to my skills and knowledge of Holistic wellbeing practices so I can work towards my goal of helping in some small way towards Neuroqueering Wellness.

One of my big reasons for trying to get into this line of work is to bring wellness therapies to neurodivergent folks like me through the lens of what makes us amazing, inspired, passionate, and unique. Working with clients, and hopefully one day small groups, to develop ways of finding well being that work for us.

Wellness therapies based on your passions and interests.....

Do you have a love for crustaceans? I'll help you develop meditations centred round those fabulous creatures.

You adore Avatar: The Last Airbender? How about a series of affirmations like "Uncle Iroh would be proud of me."?

I really want to help folk find some joy, or at least some peace and self acceptance, in the neurodivergent experience. Celebrating our passions is one way to do this. I thought another might be through joyful movement, alone or in small groups where we listen to music and just move, an awesome way to work on interoception and to find stims.

I really want to help folk find some joy, or at least some peace and self acceptance, in the neurodivergent experience. Celebrating our passions is one way to do this. I thought another might be through joyful movement, alone or in small groups where we listen to music and just move, an awesome way to work on interoception and to find stims.

I want to help create spaces where we can celebrate ourselves authentically and with joy. Where we can work together to find coping mechanisms, life tips, health and wellness approaches that work for us. Some of the general well being advice out there definitely can apply to everyone but a lot of it simply doesn't work for neurodivergent folk. And much of the advice online is targeted towards kids and their caregivers. I'd like to work with other ND adults to create well being advice that works for us.

Even the name of my business embraces this spirit of honouring and accepting all the aspects of myself and others. Let's just say I'm a big Star Trek fan, and you can do the googling.....but it's also a hint towards my approach.....

I PROMISE TO REALLY TRY TO LISTEN, TO REALLY TRY TO HEAR YOU.

If you have a specific condition or situation in life that impacts you I will do all I can to educate myself about it prior to first consultation so you don't need to waste time going over the basics and we can focus on how it affects you in particular.

Then, we can work together to develop coping strategies, massage treatments, meditations, ways to eat better, healthier routines, whatever it is YOU need.

I hope to provide massage and wellness therapies to anyone who needs my services. I want to be accessible to as many folk as possible. If you have worries or questions about accessibility/pricing, please drop me a message. My goal is to provide completely tailored treatments and services based on your needs.

I'm also on FB, Insta, YouTube and Pinterest.

Please don't hesitate to get in touch!

Frequently Asked Questions

Welcome to the FAQ. Here are some of the most often asked questions in my inbox.

- Who are you, and what am I doing here? Hello, I’m Joy, and this is my little corner of the internet. You may know me from such viral posts as Crucifix Nail Nipples, Robin Williams punching death eaters, or from my advocacy work where I focus on issues of disability, chronic illness, and neurodivergency. You may also know me from my international best-selling novel about vampires and werewolves kissing. 

In which case, the vampire nipple thing probably comes as a bit of a shock. I also co-host @theayesphere, an interactive podcast with my bestie @ayeforscotland, on his Twitch channel.

If you genuinely do not know how you got here, welcome anyway. I hope you find a reason to stay.

- I sent you a message, and you never responded! I’m sorry about that. I get a lot of mail daily, and it’s impossible to keep up with. It’s not a reflection of you or my regard for you. I appreciate every kind word and message of support sent my way, even if I can’t always reply to it.

I am but a humble peddler of smut who never expected to have a viral blog. I’m also multiply disabled, so the struggle to keep up is real.

- So, what’s wrong with you? How long have you got? 

The quick answer is I have a connective tissue disorder known as Hypermobile Ehlers Danlos Syndrome (hEDS), comorbid with Mast Cell Activation Syndrome (MCAS) and Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome (POTS). All three were diagnosed in 2020 after a lifelong struggles with chronic pain, chronic fatigue, fainting episodes and what I thought was asthma and chronic vomitting but actually turned out to be slow-acting idiopathic anaphylaxis. I am now on a treatment plan and am considered stable.

In late 2022 after losing the entire year to debilitating migraines, I was also diagnosed with atypical Binocular Vision Disorder by a neuro-ophthalmologist. This was a major root cause of my chronic migraines which had been missed by both a regular ophthalmologists and several neurologists. My case was considered ‘atypical’ because I did not present with the classic double vision symptoms checked for by most ophthalmologists. But upon extensive testing by the neuro-ophthalmologist, the misalignment in my eyes was diagnosed correctly and I was prescribed micro-prism glasses. I was also prescribed red-tinted lenses to help with extreme photophobia, as red blocks more blue light than other colors.

After three months of screen rest and allowing my eyes to adjust to the lenses -- as well as extensive vision therapy--my monthly migraine count went from 20+ migraines a month down to 3. My remaining migraines appear to be hormonal in nature, but I have found that taking 400mg of b2 (riboflavin) a day, as prescribed by my neurologist, has greatly reduced the pain.

Despite the recent progress in my treatment, I am still a very sick, very fatigued individual and struggle to keep up with life sometimes.

I also have chronic ‘double depression’, cPTSD and ADHD, leaning more toward the hyper end of the spectrum. So I’m doubly cursed with a slow, slow body and a fast, fast mind that sometimes wants to yeet itself off a cliff. It’s an Experience. All of my posts pertaining to mental health are tagged as #mental health. Most of my ADHD stuff can be found under #adult adhd.

You can read more about my health issues by following my #chronic health tag or blacklist if you prefer! I also have one for my teeth #chronic health tag: teeth, though that one is less active since the nerve damage in my jaw was resolved.

- Why do you use affiliate links? Good question! There are a lot of hidden costs that go into indie publishing, and a large part of that is what we lose to places like Amazon in fees. Using affiliate links to promote our work allows authors to recoup some of that loss from our royalties, though not quite all of it. The links don’t cost you anything, nor do they tell me anything about your private data or shopping habits. They’re just a way for me to claw money back directly from Amazon. I try to limit how often I link to Amazon as the only thing I’m interested in peddling are my weres. And maybe a couple of vampires while I’m at it.

- Who is ETD/Mothman?

ETD/Mothman was the name my blog gave to my husband several years ago when my blog started getting popular. He has since joined Tumblr, and you can follow his shenanigans @mothman-etd

- Wait, you wrote a book?! I did! Hunger Pangs: True Love Bites is a 2x international best-selling paranormal, pun-filled polyamorous queer romance series with elements of Gaslamp fantasy and political satire. It features vampires, werewolves, and several other manner of creatures that go bump in the night. It has been described by those who have read it as “like reading the queer-goth-punk love child of Terry Pratchett meets Jane Austen. You can read more about it here or check out my website. The primary tag used by the fandom here on Tumblr is #Phangs.

- Vampires or werewolves? Why not both? \_(ツ)_/

- Hi, I want to support your work! Which purchase method best supports you? Any way you choose to purchase my books helps me! Purchasing through my Payhip or Gumroad nets me the most money, but purchasing through sites like Amazon contributes to my sales ranking, which increases my chances of trending in the algorithm and gaining a wider audience. Reviews are also a fantastic way to support an author, as is word of mouth.

Please note, I will be phasing out the Gumroad links following their stance on NFTS and the ensuing behavior of their CEO on Twitter. This should not affect your files. If, for some reason, you lose your digital copy and Gumroad won’t let you download it again via your email link, please reach out to me at info @ joydemorra.com

- Can I write fanfic/create fanart of your work? Please do! I want nothing more for you to enjoy my work to the point of creation. Just be careful not to tag me in any fanfic, and please don’t send me any headcanons. If someone accidentally guesses my plot and shows it to me, it can risk any of my future book plans. Keep fandom discussions within fandom. The author is (un)dead, and their opinion doesn’t matter. If you make fanart, you can tag me in that, but please don’t link to your Patreon or Ko-Fi in the post where I can see it. If I see you are making a profit from my work, I am legally obligated to file a takedown. If I do not see any such links, which may or may not exist in any reblogs I am not immediately tagged in, we do not have a problem. 🙈🙈🙈

- Can I cosplay your characters and tag you? Absolutely! Just make sure you follow the above advice about Ko-Fi and Patreon links.

- Will you sign my copy of [____] If this is post-pandemic times and we are at a meet and greet, yes! I’ll also have bookplates for sale soon that you can insert into your copies or do with them as you please.

 - Are you going to turn any of your books into audiobooks? Yes! My audiobooks are narrated by Catherine Bilson (aka @caitlynlynch) and you can find them listed under my buy link options.

- Why do you write two versions of the same story? Glad you asked! I write two versions of all my stories so that people who enjoy sex scenes can enjoy them, and those who prefer not to read depictions of sexual acts don’t need to skip pages to avoid the more explicit scenes. You can read more about my decision to do this here.

- Help! I bought the wrong version! Most of my retailers will allow you to return the book for a full refund, freeing you to purchase the correct copy. If you bought a copy through my Gumroad or Payhip, drop me a line at info @ joydemorra.com, and we’ll get it resolved :)

- You’re an editor, right? Will you look at my manuscript? Regrettably, I am not taking on any new clients at the moment, but if you would like to check out my editors, you can fine them at @roselarkpublishing

- When will you be editing again? When I have the mental and physical capacity greater than the depth of a teaspoon.

- When is your next book coming out? When I have the mental and physical capacity greater than the depths of a teaspoon. (Sorry, I know I’m taking too long.)

- Will you reblog my donation post? I’m afraid that due to the high volume of requests that I get (anywhere from 5-20 a day), I am currently only reblogging donation posts from mutuals. I’m sorry. There are just too many for me to keep up with without flooding my dash. But please do look into @copperbadge’s Radio Free Monday, which I always try to reblog. The submission form is here, and Sam wrote a guide on how to write fundraising posts here.

- What’s your favorite book? Feet of Clay by Terry Pratchett. Closely followed by Going Postal by Terry Pratchett and Howl’s Moving Castle by Diana Wynne Jones.

- What’s your favorite movie? Singin’ in the Rain!

- Favorite music? I’ve been listening to The Amazing Devil on loop for over eighteen months, so it’s safe to say I like them.

- Why do you use Amazon? Aren’t they evil incarnate?!?

They are, but they’re also the biggest-selling platform for eBooks for indie and trad authors and not using them is career suicide. If you don’t like Amazon, I have plenty of other platforms for you to use, including directly from my Payhip, which allows you to use Kindle without giving Jeff Bezos a penny.

- Can I send you something I made/thought you might like? Sure! My PO Box is:

JOY DEMORRA # 250 2038 FORD PARKWAY SAINT PAUL MN 55116

- I saw you from the essential oil discourse and was just wondering… Please have pity on my chronic fatigue and refer to the master list post compiled very kindly by @paradoxanomalyenigma. You may find that I have already answered your question. If not, come ask me!

- Why did you move from Scotland to the US? I met and fell and love with Mothman. Originally we were going to live in the UK, but they changed the immigration laws six weeks before our wedding, and it ended up being more accessible for me to move here than for him to move there. Ideally, we would both like to have dual citizenship one day.

- Does Mothman really believe in me? Always.

- Are you Wiccan? No, I’m a pagan who identifies as a secular witch and have been for the last 20+ years. I don’t hold to any particular creed or belief. The gods might well exist. I’ve just got little time for them.

- Can you post to your bad luck chain-mail spell breaker? It makes me feel better. Here you go! Here’s my other curse breaker post if you want it, too.

it doesn't matter if your label is 'accurate' so long as its serving you

i've been having this conversation with a few people lately, so i thought i'd try to get my thoughts down. its something that i think about a lot as both a queer and neurodivergent person

i think that labels are incredibly important and life changing and meaningful. and i also think that, especially for things like queer identity and neurodivergence, labels are so startlingly made up and constructs of society, culture, and time in a way that we fundamentally cannot get around

many people have heard the term 'social construct' before. but a lot of people haven't really unpacked it. it's something that i think about a lot, because the labels i use for myself have changed a lot over my life, some of them because the labels i use now weren't around when i first starting feeling certain ways, but also because our conception of those identities have changed radically over the course of history, even in the recent past

an example: i first started feeling Gender Weirdness at age 5. i had no term or concept of it at the time. i stumbled upon a blog (like an actual one, not tumblr style) from a queer teenager when i was 12 and they explained the term 'genderqueer'. i felt immense joy and comfort that i finally had a word for what i was going through. flash forward to my freshman year of college, where a friend has to explain the term 'nonbinary' to me and that thats what people are using now. i think, huh, okay, i guess im nonbinary. 8 years later and i use the term nonbinary for myself (in addition to trans man), but still, in my heart of hearts, think of myself as genderqueer. because nonbinary as a term had not been invented yet when i first needed it (and, fun fact, the term genderqueer wasn't coined until the year i was born as well)

another example: i was diagnosed with autism when i was 19. there was no way in hell i wouldve gotten diagnosed as a young AFAB child, and only got diagnosed at 19 because i sought it out, shopped around for diagnosticians, and found one who had lots of experience with AFAB adults. now, 7 years later, there probably aren't any updated, current professionals who would deny i was autistic. because the diagnostic criteria and process, and the concept of autism, has changed so radically in the last 20+ years. btw, i was only diagnosed with 'autism' and not 'aspergers' because that term had been phased out months before i got my dx. i called myself an aspie for a small while and then decided i liked autistic better, because it included the whole community. i almost never see the term aspergers used as a self identifier anymore, but only months before my dx thats what i wouldve been called

this is basically my point: the terms we use are going to change, and the definitions those terms have are going to change, and who falls into what category is going to change, and there's pretty much close to zero we as individuals can do to effect that. and thats fine, and good, and the natural progression of human cultures

which means that the labels we're using today may not be the ones we use in 10, 20, 50 years and thats fine. maybe our experience and self conception will be the same or maybe it wont be and thats fine. labels are entirely made up social constructs that cannot possibly encapsulate all of human experience and variety. so instead of asking yourself if a label is accurate or true, ask if its serving you

does this label make me happy? does this label make me feel comfortable, like im at home? does this label put me around people i want to be around, and feel like i want to fit with? does this label bring me community that makes me feel safe? does this label grant me access to resources that will make my life easier, more manageable, more accessible, or more enriched?

when i was a teenager, i identified as aroace. do i still now? no. but at the time that term brought me a lot of joy, and comfort, and safety. it gave me time to process my feelings about gender and sexuality and trauma and abuse and all the other things i wasn't ready for yet. up until recently, i identified as butch. do i still now? no. but that label let me explore presentation and experience queer relationships. will i identify as a nonbinary bi trans man forever? probably not, if im being honest. but that set of labels is bringing me a lot of peace and excitement right now, and is keeping me safe during my transition. am i going to identify as autistic forever? maybe, maybe not. our knowledge is expanding and changing so rapidly, even in my lifetime so far, that i dont think things will be the same when im middle aged or older. but right now that identity brings me understanding and resources and community (and a job lol) so i am comfortably and proudly autistic. for right now. because its working

tl;dr: stop being so scared about whether a label is "true" or not. start asking yourself if that label can, for the time being, give you what you need. and if things end up changing, either terms or your conception of yourself, that's fine. don't try to fight it. this is a natural progression of both society and our individual journeys. let a label serve you, not box you in. they aren't fundamental truths about the universe, they're tools, so start treating them that way

Yeah I'm genuinely just. Not having much fun in the DSMP fandom anymore

My hyperfixation is keeping me here and the fact that I enjoy posting on this blog n interacting w followers

I barely even watch lore streams anymore n I focus on recaps. I'm no longer the person who would sit n watch every single POV of every event bc I'm just so Burned Out

Different opinions of different characters with different POVs is such a cool idea and I love the DSMP for it but,,, when my hyperfixation is centred around L'Manberg and c!Tommy lore,,,, and the fandom has grown so large there's apologist discourse around every corner,,,,, its impossible to escape the constant hate on the characters I enjoy. Like I've watched every single OG L'Manberg stream from Wilbur Tommy Tubbo Niki Fundy n Jack and I've watched every Tommy DSMP stream all live and while I do watch other streamers These are what would bring me the most joy

I do participate in apologist discourse a lot and I Would like to tone it down but I genuinely just. Dont know why I engage myself with such negativity. It's not like I Want To? I would love for this blog to be filled with non negative analysis and opinions and just clips and fanart and positive things

I see hate on the things I enjoy and I just feel the need to refute it bc I cant get rid of it. I have been Blocking everything that makes me even slightly uncomfortable on Twitter and even Then I cant get rid of everything

I say this as someone who has been here for like 9 months and has been watching the DSMP since Tommy had like 2k viewers. This fandom has gotten so large and overwhelming and negative it's just Not the same anymore

Whenever anyone insults something I have a hyperfixation on it's like I take it personally when I shouldn't. It's not just the DSMP its with other hyperfixations as well, like with cats its me getting defensive if someone says something as simple as "dogs are better than cats" or "cats suck / cats are evil"

Its ultimately a Me problem n me being so painfully neurodivergent and never learning how to deal with it bc I was diagnosed so late and learned all my info off the internet

Hyperfixations are such a fun but painful thing 😔

Though if I'm being completely honest this may just be me being temporarily overdramatic and emotional bc it's That Time of the Month

Hunger Pangs: True Love Bites

A Polyamorous Supernatural Romance

[ID: images of the two covers each for Hunger Pangs: True Love Bites and the novella Crewel Intentions]

This is a book I’ve been waiting on for a few years now, watching @thebibliosphere​ (aka Joy Demorra) get tricked into coming up with characters, plot, and then drafts as she grew sicker, until finally getting the diagnoses and help needed to turn the corner last year to everyone’s relief. This book is a labor of desperate love and it’s felt in every page.

Set in an Earth-like world inhabited by known and out supernatural creatures like werewolves, witches, and vampires, the story takes place in a pseudo-European empire in the late 1880s. Captain Nathaniel James Northland, the second son of the northern Wolf Lord, has returned home from war due to severe injuries--the werewolf managed to survive a silver-tipped bullet, but it’s left him disabled and unable to continue as a soldier.

Vlad Blutstein is the son of the Count, who has been given control of the Eyrie, a dreary little island, and all the responsibilities of Parliament lords with none of the respect accorded their mortal peers. Vlad pretty much runs the island with his many civil projects and botany hobby, but has need of a new Guard Captain.

Meanwhile, mysterious Lady Ursula and her guardian look for what is killing the all-important Ancestral Trees dotted around the world, and why.

Vampires and Werewolves don’t get along, as one expects. Yet Nathan ends up Captain at the Eyrie and the attraction between him and Vlad is electric. Lady Ursula’s appearance is late enough that the romance hasn’t reached her yet, but that’s in part because the story is so long that the original draft for Book 1 had to be split--but the three-way attraction is very much there already.

The Eyrie is inhabited by Vlad’s family--Lady Riya is a darling and I love her, Lady Margrete is sweet, and the Count is terrifying but largely absent. The Collins family remind me of the Bennets from Pride & Prejudice in a good way. The guards remind me of the Watch from Discworld in a good way. Many inhabitants of the world, including at the Eyrie, have disabilities (Lady Margrete used mobility aids), Vlad is neurodivergent, and some folks use they/them pronouns. Riya is adopted by the Count and has Vlad wrapped around her little finger; she’s also described as a dark-skinned woman, and Ursula, the romantic woman lead, is also darker-skinned.

Nathan, a large, strong military man, is allowed emotional vulnerability and softness, not just with himself, but also the other people around him, and especially Vlad as the two men grow closer than either of them expected. His disabilities get accommodations and are a part of him. He also tripped my Werewolf Hero character love hard in Part 3 and I was already liking the character. I love everyone (except the reprehensible antagonists of course) but I have a few favorites and Nathan is one of them (Riya and Kitty are also High on my list).

The sex scenes are tasteful and lovely; it’s definitely about these men figuring out their emotional stakes, kinks and consent, and care needed. There is an alternate version of the book that is smut-free. “Flirting with Fangs” for the sex, “Fluff and Fangs” for no sex (and more discussion/alternate versions of scenes with fade outs). Joy’s website has info on her heat ratings and any other triggers needed by readers.

The book is also very funny; Joy is known for her wit and puns as much as her advocacy, and there were times the book made me laugh, and a good couple of “oh crap” moments (like the Count’s first actual appearance; the tension and fear of him from other characters had done its job well). The climax is understated; as this was originally longer and so split into two, the first step to saving the world comes in a library. It feels like a definite good start to the greater magical plot that backdrops the romance.

There were a few times I wanted a little more time spent in places, more description, but this is already a long book and was trimmed down and finally split in half, so some of the skips and summaries do make sense knowing that, and none of it detracts from the core relationships and plot points.

Many of the secondary and tertiary characters in the book are named for Joy’s Patreons of a certain tier and timeframe, as well; as I said, this book is an act of love for friends and followers.

If you want to test Joy’s setting, characters, and style (assuming you aren’t already reading her blog and fanfiction), there’s also a novella “Crewel Intentions” which shows the established romantic trio and a happy for now ending. There are also Flirting/Fluff editions of the novella.

It’s rare to find a book with good polyam rep, with diverse characters simply allowed to inhabit their world, weaving in the political intrigue and a greater magical mystery while focusing on the main romantic chemistry of the leads, but I can say I am not disappointed in this story we’ve waited so long to see, and with more to come.

I’ve been quite fixated on stimming, of late. That is, I enjoy thinking about it and I’m become more open and secure about my own. I cannot say with certainty that I have sensory processing disorder, or that I am neurodivergent, as I have never received an official diagnosis. That said, I have always been a stimmer, at least, that is what I think I do. 

I used to run up and down the hall as a child, saying that it “helped me think”. All I actually did was play the same pictures in a loop in my head, as I ran. Later, after puberty, this was replaced by listening to music on headphones and waving my arms around. My whole life, when I rotated in my seat, or flapped, or made faces, people always asked me what I was doing, or if I was alright. It was in my college bio, that if I did these thing that nobody should be alarmed. For a long time, I never knew that what I did was not unusual. I thought it was a childish lack of impulse control that just had not gone away. I felt embarrassed about my need to do it.

My delight upon realising that there were other people who did these things, was immeasurable. I get this happy ache in my chest whenever I see people talk about their favourite fidget toys, or show their body stims, or if I see characters in films do stimmy movements. I was nervous to talk about it, because as I said, I have never been diagnosed with anything, officially. I did not think I had the right. But, I’ve been so happy lately. I’ve even letting myself stim more openly when I go out walking, and swinging on the swings at the park. I just feel a lot of joy. So, if you see me write about characters stimming, or make art of them stimming, just know that is why. 

so now that i’m no longer in the Hell that was school and after finding the lovely blog @endcringe i’ve decided to talk about my own experiences with cringe culture, bullying, and why it’s Really Bad to not let people enjoy inherently harmless things, especially neurodivergent people (read more because this is gonna get long and triggering at times, TW for mentions of bullying, suicide, child abuse, a brief mention of incest shipping. I won’t be naming any of the peers that I discuss my experiences with, because my point with this post is Not to “cancel” anyone, I just want to speak out on my experiences)

I’m neurodivergent; I was diagnosed with ADHD when I was 8 years old. I didn’t know a lot about it, and a family member even painted it as “oh it’s nothing blah blah blah just apply yourself more. Because of this, I had no idea about the concept of hyperfixations until I was in my late teens. Due to that, I would obsess over random things and my family would shame me relentlessly for it. My mother said I had an “addictive personality” and that she feared I’d end up a drug addict or alcoholic because of it.

I look younger than what I am, I’m short, and small. AKA, the perfect candidate for being picked on by people bigger and stronger than me. People made fun of my art when I was around 13, but fortunately that was an instance where spite fueled me to improve drastically. However, just because I happened to take the shitty comments and have it fuel me then does NOT mean bullying people will have that effect all the time. At some point someone put my old South Park fan art on a cringe blog. I was temporarily hurt, and a little angry, but I realized that if someone was making fun of a 15 year old’s art, they probably didn’t have much going for them in life, so I moved on.

Fast forward to high school. Everything was horrible and I’m not exaggerating when I say I barely made it out alive. I was living in an abusive household up until January 2018 and I found comfort in many different interests. I’ve always found great comfort in music and the arts in general. In 2016, I drew a picture of a mermaid. I was inspired by the chocolate opal gemstone, and I thought it’d be fun to draw a gay chubby mermaid with dark skin and a rainbow tail and freckles. Junior year was lousy and I wanted something that sparked Joy. I was immediately told that “scientifically, mermaids wouldn’t look like that. Mind you, my take looked like this:

Obviously I wasn’t going for realism, I just wanted to draw a cute mermaid. However, they continued to tell me that they wouldn’t look like that, going as far as writing so on the back of said drawing. When I got angry at her for taking it too far (as I’d established before that I didn’t like it when people wrote on my art without permission), they got angry back, accusing me of being unable to take criticism. Heated by the accusation, I went as far as asking my art teacher if it was fair for them to say that, and she said no, stating that constructive criticism would be talking about how I could improve my lineart and coloring in the digital version. I took her actual helpful criticism and since then have improved Drastically in digital art. Even with that being said, I found myself hesitant to participate in things such as MerMay because I was leery of hearing that peer berate me for having cartoony mermaids. 

 During high school I grew to love many musicians, a lot of emo/alternative stuff, a couple being Twenty One Pilots and Melanie Martinez. I love how unique TOP’s style is, their open discussion of mental illness, and as someone who had a rough childhood, I connected with every single song on Cry Baby. It was like nothing I’d ever heard. I started listening to mashups featuring all these different artists I love, adoring how they could change the tone and sound so drastically. A peer Bully of mine in junior year condemned these two artists, declaring that they made “Bad Music” simply because it didn’t fit their tastes. They’d throw my drawings on the ground, write over them in pen, steal my headphones so I couldn’t listen to music, push me around, complain that mashups sucked and gave them a headache, and in general shit all over conetnt that was actively preventing me from committing suicide. 

Some family members were no better. Once high school hit, I began listening to Fall Out Boy, Panic! at the Disco, and My Chemical Romance. Their deep complex lyrics stuck with me. I would write down quotes from my favorite songs and thanks to hyperfixating, I remember each studio album in order My mother resented when I fell in love with the “Emo Trinity” because “the Columbine  shooters were emo and that event traumatized me” Despite that, not only did the Columbine tragedy occur in 1999 and none of the bands got together until the early 2000s, but I have a pretty good feeling those groups aren’t For gun violence. The other side constantly criticized the fact that I love FOB, P!ATD, and MCR because I’m black and “why must you listen to that white people music.”

 I grew fond of Dan and Phil in high school (and I’m still a fan to this day!), I loved Phil’s kindness and positive aura and I deeply connect with Dan’s sense of humor and personality. Their content made me happy during some very dark times in my life. It’s November 2017, I’m over a close peer’s house at the time, and notice PINOF is upon us. I drew the PINOF whiskers on my face, my plan being to quietly watch them in the corner of peer’s bedroom on my phone through headphones, the others were doing their own thing and I knew they didn’t like them, so I thought they’d respect it if I silently indulged in it. Unfortunately, the complete opposite happened. I was immediately shunned and locked out of the bedroom, told that I’d only be let back in if I washed the whiskers off because “absolutely not”. Me, being stubborn, washed them off temporarily but drew them back on in the room. Life during then was especially bad for me, as the abusive household I was in was getting worse. They noticed, of course, and even though all I wanted was to enjoy this small tradition in a time during a deep depression, I was immediately shoved out the room and locked out, only to have said peer’s family members notice. I’m a relatively shy person, so this was honesty a really harrowing experience that had a lasting effect on me. 

I grew to adore Sanders Sides as well, but the moment I found out most of my peers didn’t like Thomas, I was terrified.  I stopped watching Dan and Phil’s content for months and shied away from other fandoms too, only occasionally indulging in times of complete solitude. One time when said peers were due to visit my house for the first time, I saw the Phandom and Fander stuff I’d hung up on my wall in my little sanctuary that was my bedroom (it was the first time in years I’d had my own room), and I was filled with panic and fear. I took them down and hid them away, genuinely terrified of what they’d do to me if they saw. It’s still incites so much anger in me to this day because they turned around and ended up shipping incest, but somehow liking D&P and Sanders Sides was So. Much. Worse.

They were baffled by my actions, despite having humiliated me Twice by going on a private blog of mine separate from everything so that I could fully indulge and laughing at everything on there, once at a peer’s house, once right in school. I don’t think they realized how traumatizing it was to have a large group of people in public laughing at something I was deeply self conscious about for all of my life. I put on a brave face at the time, but ended up crying in the bathroom after first period began. I continued to be treated as lesser until things came to an ugly head August 2018 when I ended up in the hospital because I nearly attempted suicide. Years of child abuse, bullying, and being deemed “cringy” made me feel like I didn’t deserve to be alive, that everyone would be happier if I were gone.

After arguably one of the lowest points in my life, I cut them off and slowly began to embrace the Real Me. I started letting myself enjoy the things again, made true friends and even found love, my first boyfriend ever at 18. I still get choked up retelling it, but when PINOF 10 dropped, after he found out how much I’d been hurt over the incident in 2017, I was greeted with a photo of him with the whiskers on his face. I cried for a while, blown away at such a pure act of kindness. He listens to me ramble about my interests, he compliments my taste in music, he watched K-12 with me. 

This got incredibly long, but my point is this: Cringe Culture hurts people. You might think it’s whatever if the Thing doesn’t apply to your interests, but content you’re denouncing as cringy could be something that’s keeping them alive, that one flicker of light in a void of darkness. When I was contemplating suicide, I listened to The Black Parade, repeating Gee’s words to myself over and over, that nothing in the world was worth hurting yourself over. Some friendly joshing here and there is okay, but actively ripping someone to shreds constantly to the point where they have a mental breakdown in front of you and later on plan their own demise is disgusting. Nobody should abuse anyone for having harmless interests, no one. Unless you’re participating in p*dophilic/inc*st/s*xual assault/inherently abusive ships/content and pretending it’s not bad because “Fiction doesn’t impact reality!”, you have every right to like what you like and be happy. Read homestuck. Play Undertale. Draw up the Wildest OCs you can imagine. And stay away from people who try to rob you of innocent fun, life is too short and in this cruel, unforgiving world, you deserve to be happy, whether you’re a 13 year old who draws cute furries, a 16 year old cosplayer on TikTok, a VSCO girl, a 30 year old who writes/draws self insert art or a 20 year old who adores Invader Zim. 

Cringe Culture is just bullying under a different name, and it can lead to many instances of people, especially fellow neurodivergent folk to feel isolated and ostracized. Attempting to bully someone out of an interest they have isn’t going to fix them; it’s more often than not going to cause more damage. I suffer from diagnosed C-PTSD, anxiety, and depression, and sometimes I still find myself trying to over-justify my interests. To all who are roped up in bad homes and lousy “friends” who berate you for your innocent passions, I’m sorry you’re suffering, things will one day get better even if it doesn’t feel like it, and fuck those people. I’d also like to note that sometimes even if it seems more terrifying, it’s better to have one or two close friends you can truly trust than a whole group that walks all over you. You have every right to call them out for treating you poorly, and if things don’t improve, you also have every right to leave.

You have a right to live your True Self.

I've suspected that I'm on the spectrum for a while but feel weird about self diagnosing and talking to my friends about it and was wondering if you would mind talking about your personal experience with self diagnosis? Also how debilitated must a person be to have this? And can the amount they are debilitated vary depending on what else they're coping with and still be valid?

I’m formally diagnosed as ADHD-I and suspected to be on the autism spectrum, but not officially diagnosed. I was diagnosed as ADHD after fifteen hours of testing. they also said they had considered autism spectrum disorder as a second diagnosis, as my childhood profile matched perfectly. the reason they ruled it out? well, ADHD and autism have a lot of overlap in symptoms and traits, so they wanted to treat my ADHD before diagnosing anything else. okay, fair. ADHD and autism are very frequently comorbid, but fine. I can accept that. but their other reason? “you write poetry and have an interest in activism. those are not typical for people with autism, as they require abstract thinking and empathy.” here’s my take: if the only reason I wasn’t diagnosed as autistic is because my special interests/hyperfixations aren’t fucking stereotypes (because contrary to popular belief, autistic people are human beings with varied interests and passions…….who knew???), I can confidently say that those reasons are terrible. if those are the only things that prevented the diagnosis for a disorder I otherwise match perfectly, well, then I AM autistic. their reasons were outdated, ignorant, and uninformed. I have many autistic friends who share my interests and my commitment to activism: they are valid, and so am I. and so are you. the thing about diagnosis is that regardless of whether you do it, or your family doctor does it, or a specialist does it, it all comes down to examining your history and experiences and matching them to a list of traits that are frequently shared by people with that label. there’s no magic to it. there’s no trick. it’s just asking “do you experience this?” “has this happened to you?” “do you think about this in this way?” and answering honestly. there are definitely benefits to formal diagnosis. being diagnosed as ADHD means I can access medication that helps me manage my symptoms and exist more comfortably and well within a world that wasn’t designed for me. but with autism, I was never looking for a treatment. I don’t want to be medicated or cured. I don’t want to be put through abusive therapy designed to make me act allistic. learning about autism on my own terms and finding community online helped me fill in the gaps in my life and work through the shame and discomfort and humiliation that I grew up with. it gave me affirmation, coping strategies, and people who I could relate to. for me, that was all I needed, and I didn’t need a doctor to diagnose me in order to access it. sometimes formal diagnosis is necessary to access the help you need, but if that’s not what you’re looking for, and you can’t or don’t want to go through the diagnostic process (where unfortunately you’re very likely to encounter a lot of ignorance and ableism), you don’t have to put yourself through that. you know yourself. you’ve done the research. you exist in an age where all of medical knowledge is a click away, and if all you want is a word for how your brain operates, and a community of people who get you, well, then welcome! you’re here! you’ve found it! and yes, circumstances will have an impact on how debilitating your symptoms can be. I know that with my ADHD, I have much worse symptoms when I’m sleep deprived, hungry, stressed, etc. it’s also understood that environmental factors have a huge impact (upbringing, family life, education, support systems, etc). I was raised by very disorganized, chaotic parents (one of whom is now diagnosed as ADHD as well, and the other who is considering seeking diagnosis): as such, my biggest struggles are with tidiness, planning, time management, etc. at the same time, my mum’s realization that I was very unusual, and her choice to home-educate me to spare me from bullying and being made to feel like a failure in an academic environment had a hugely positive impact on me. she nurtured my special interests, helped me follow my passions, didn’t force me to do things that made me miserable (even including eating foods that gave me sensory issues: to this day, she always makes sure to cook me something she knows I can eat without being distressed!), and affirmed my worth in every possible way. a lot of adhd and autistic (and otherwise neurodivergent) kids grow up with very low self-esteem because they’re made to feel inferior within a system that wasn’t built for them. I know with adhd in particular, the drop-out rates, alcohol and drug abuse rates, incarceration rates, etc are very high compared to non-adhd people. I credit my academic success in my late teens and adulthood to my mum; if I had been in school my whole life, I wouldn’t have believed in myself and the results could have been catastrophic. what is disabling in one situation can be an asset in another; yes, ADHD and ASD come with impairments and challenges. sometimes really fucking huge ones. but a lot of the things that we struggle with are socially constructed and enforced, not innate to us. we live in a society that demands that we work and/or go to school full time; that we hold a job in order to survive; that we focus on and do things that don’t interest us; that we be able to socialize based on very specific parameters; that we constrict our emotions in public and only express them in ways that are considered acceptable to neurotypicals. we live in a world that is not designed for our brains, and that world makes our impairments disabling/debilitating. anyway, massively long response just to say that self-diagnosis is valid. I would still recommend getting some kind of counselling or therapy if you’re able to, just because growing up autistic or otherwise neurodivergent comes with a lot of pain, and it can really help to work through it with someone whose job it is to listen. (just keep in mind that there are a LOT of awful therapists out there and you should never stay with one who you don’t feel you can trust or talk to. the first thing my old therapist told me when I met her was that if I didn’t feel like she was the right fit for me, I could make an appointment with someone else and she wouldn’t be hurt at all, because it’s about my wellbeing above all else). at the end of the day, this is about your wellbeing. so if autism as a word feels like home, you’re home. find others like you and share with each other the joys and the pains of having this kind of brain. look for resources online. figure out what works for you and what doesn’t. use this knowledge and this identity to try to create a life for yourself that isn’t always hurting you.