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save-the-villainous-cat · 2 months

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"Does the little Hero need a hug?" "No, fuck off"

Quickly, the hero’s head jerked back to the body on the ground.

Their hands were still shaking, their breath still something they had to take control over again. Frantically, their brain searched for a protocol they could follow, some kind of procedure or advice, something, anything that could save the situation.

“Ouch.” The villain leaned over their shoulder like a curious child. They seemed to study the body until they spat out a diagnosis. “Ohhh, definitely dead, yeah.”

I am going to jail, the hero thought. Panic gnawed on them relentlessly. I am going to jail.

The villain approached the body until they were close enough to kick it with their foot. Not really impressed, they cocked their head.

“Shame. I thought they had some potential.” They looked back at the hero and something in their face softened just a bit. “Your first body, I presume? Don’t worry, it gets easier.”

“Gets easier?” the hero croaked. They could feel tears run down their cheeks, their nose clogging up. It hurt, everything hurt.

“The offer still stands, I can give you a hug.”

“I don’t want a hug,” the hero said, their voice trembling. With a bloody hand, they went through their hair a few times. This couldn’t be happening. The hero wasn’t a killer. God, they wouldn’t even hurt a fly.

“You know that person-” the villain kicked them again “-was a criminal, right?”

The hero couldn’t see, they couldn’t think.

“Oh God,” they whispered. “Oh God.”

“They weren’t going to show you any mercy,” the villain said. “You defended yourself.”

“No no no no. This isn’t right, I didn’t…I couldn’t have— I wasn’t trying to kill them.”

For a moment, the villain didn’t say anything. They stood there and stared at the hero who was so ashamed that they had to turn away. The hero couldn’t control the tears, couldn’t control the sobs. It was difficult enough to be out here and fight every night.

It was difficult enough without the villain showing up unwanted and making fun of them every now and then. It was enough to punch people the hero didn’t know because of agendas that didn’t align.

They hadn’t noticed it but this had bitten chunks out of them for a long time.

“Okay, listen.” The villain’s hand found the hero’s shoulder. “Things like this are unavoidable when you do this job.”

“No, it shouldn’t be…it can’t be, fuck, I thought — I really thought I—”

“Deep breaths,” the villain instructed. They stood in front of the hero now. They were calm, collected. No mocking. No jokes. They’d done this before. “Don’t turn around again. Eyes on me, sweetheart.”

The hero nodded, wiping tears and snot away. They didn’t know what had come over them. They hadn’t cried in years. But then again, this was probably way overdue.

“That’s good. Keep breathing.”

“I’m fine, I…what are you doing?” The hero looked them up and down, ready for something but after that outburst, they were tired enough to call it a day. Or better, a night.

“I heard you were around, so I thought I should check out what you’re doing,” the villain said. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

“Why do you care?” the hero asked, trying to put as much disgust into their voice as possible. After all, this was the villain. However, it didn’t really work out for them. Calming down from an almost-panic-attack was just as tiring as living through one.

“You snapped out of it pretty quickly, I’ve never seen that before.”

“I’m fine,” the hero insisted. They wiped the last tears away and took in a deep breath. What had just happened?

Only now, they realised that the villain was still holding onto their shoulders. With one movement, they brushed them off, heading towards the exit of the abandoned building. What was that? They had sent people to hospitals within minutes, they had always been efficient and quick.

They had expected any reaction to an enemy getting killed but this one?

Their head hurt. They wanted to go home. Fall into bed.

Shit, they hadn’t cried in years.

“Hey.” The villain grabbed their arm before they could escape. “That was just the tip of the iceberg, wasn’t it? You have quite a lot bottled up, don’t you?”

The hero dared to look into their eyes and they got so uncomfortable by this confrontation that they wished to walk into the ocean and never return.

Because the villain was right. Maybe. The hero tried to remember but the last years seemed very foggy.

“Christ, what happened to you?” the villain asked but not even the hero could really remember.

#we do it better yeahhh #realised this a few months ago #can’t remember big portions of my childhood #writing snippet #heroxvillain prompt #heroxvillain snippet #heroes and villains #hero #villain #hero x villain #heroxvillain #an answer for an ask #request

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birdsnout · 6 months

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My Family and I Are Facing Eviction:

(I posted about this on Insta, and I've decided to crosspost here. Read below the cut for info on the situation)

TLDR: we are being evicted after just a 1 year and 7 months in our new apartment and exhausted our resources during our last move. So, support of any kind is endlessly appreciated. I'm keeping my commissions open (link in bio along with my Ko-Fi), but the wait time is N/A. My close friend and I will be hosting a Rise themed Kickstarter as another option for those who want to support and get something in return for their kindness.

You may comment or DM questions 💜

(BTW, our landlord owned our old unit too and rumor has it, he’s evicted many other low income tenants like us in the same time span...)

As a low income household, it hits hard. Government aid has kept us afloat as my mom and I attended college full time. It was especially important when our lifestyle had to adapt to my little sister's Mitochondrial disorder diagnosis (it's serious, lifelong and deserves a Google search), and my mother's autoimmune diseases.

We need the aid until my mom settles into a job post graduation and we sort out whether I can be registered as a home aid for my sister. (I went on break from college to help my mom after an invasive shoulder surgery she had in Feb. Financial, college and family health issues are why I’ve extended it.)

Unfortunately, setting up a Crowdfund isn't easy for us. I've researched and it can’t be tied to a bank account in our household. Thankfully, my friend @Mimunaii has offered to help, but because I’d feel wrong not giving back somehow, the Crowdfund will be a Kickstarter. (Regular donations also don’t seem against aid rules).

Reaching out like this on social media is a last resort as I've struggled to find any other options to help with this very serious and stressful situation. Just sharing this post is enough, and no donation is too small for us to be grateful for as we try to save and keep up with bills/costs our aid doesn’t cover. The Kickstarter will be another way to help, but give you something in return for your kindness 💜 (Pet supply wish lists are also linked in my Beacons)

To those who are interested in commissioning me, please be aware that my comm wait times are funky. I thought my break would be calmer compared to 2022 (besides that year's abrupt move, there was also a vet emergency and health scares), but so much has happened in my personal life.

It’s honestly been a struggle mentally and has effected my productivity. However, I am still putting 110% into what I draw for all of my generous clients, and will always do so.

Thank you so much for reading 💜

#myart #commissions #commissions open #emergency #please boost #rottmnt #rottmnt ocs #rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles

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acotarharlot · 1 year

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Surprises

Summery: Reader and Azriel find out they’re expecting.

It had been weeks by that point. You had been feeling nauseous and fatigued. Thinking the cause had been overworking and stress. Rebuilding the city and fixing what the war had damaged. Nothing was more important to you. Nearly losing everything that had ever mattered. The grip that Azriel had over you. You felt like you could never relax. Knowing how close, just how very close, everyone was to ceasing existence. Or just how badly the war could have gone. While everyone had come out, you still felt that loss. The loss of what could have been. It could be trauma, no matter. You wouldn’t allow yourself to come that close. That’s why you hadn’t shared any of what you had been going through.

Any smell of food you had loved, made you unfavourably Ill. And you had been exhausted. It had to of been the pressure and exertion. Everyone was coping like that though. You knew Rhysand was working double time, and same with the rest of the inner circle. Taking a break was not an option - knowing that someone else would have to pick up your slack. Azriel had gotten up early that morning just as he usually did. However you certainly were not a morning riser. And even more so not recently.

It wasn’t like a sickness you had had before. No sniffly nose, no cough. But you knew you needed to cut down somewhere, and training was the better option. Of course Az had something to say about it. You promised you would be back next week. You were just going to see Madja. Fingers crossed and praying, you had hoped she would have some magic tonic that would cure you. The idea of being the weaker link was enough to furrow your brows. The Shadowsinger had no idea of your struggles. You tried your best to block it from trailing down the bond. Just this week you had vomited a couple of times, thankful Az wasn’t there to witness. Not that you were embarrassed. But he had missions and If his head was in the wrong place, he was certain to get injured. And you hadn’t want to be the cause. Hoping you could have this figured out before he found out. While he was the most kind hearted and giving mate. He had a low self esteem. His childhood deeply affected how he processed and reacted in situations and you knew he would take it personally.

So you sat patiently, in the waiting room, of the best healer in all of velaris. You tried not to fidget, but you couldn’t help pick at the skin around your nails. Frankly you were nervous. Irrationalising the outcome of your visit. What if something really was wrong? How would you cope? Would she be able to help? So deep in thought about all of the horrible illness that you could potentially have, until your name was called. You realised it was your turn to go in. Stumbling a little you searched around the familiar room. She had a variety of subtle herbs and plants. Tonics and medicines. Finally settling on Madja’s face. Taking in her wrinkles and kind eyes, She smiles.

“What can I do for you today Y\N?” Madja could decipher the difference about you. You had a glow enthralling all of your features. Even your scent had started to alter.

Hesitantly you couldn’t help but look around the room, trying to find the right words to explain your situation.

Clearing your throat “I’ve been experiencing symptoms lately, one’s that are affecting my ability to do my job. I just feel so tired. And sick. I feel like I can’t keep anything down.” You exclaimed. You felt frustrated at your body.

Looking at her face you can’t help but be confused at her still smiling. Madja read your expression immediately. Which preempted her to explain.

“My dear, I think you’re pregnant”

The words hit you like a ton of bricks. You had clarity now over your symptoms, but the diagnosis came with it’s own set of new problems. Your mind was telling you this was a bad time but your heart was swelling with love. Your mother had been tender hearted, giving and nurturing. You wanted to be a mother like that. The issue was that it wasn’t just you who the decision came down to. Of course no matter what, you would be the parent any child deserved. Anxiety crippled your ability to think. You realised you hadn’t physically reacted to the discovery. Madja was still looking at you.

“I…i…” you stuttered. “I’m sorry, what?”

“Of course I’ll have to do some tests Y/N, but I’ve been around long enough to know a pregnant fae when I see one.”

Pregnant. That was the only word spinning through your mind. It had only taken another 15 minutes for Madja to complete her tests and confirm the diagnosis. Thanking her you bid your goodbye. As you were departing she grabbed your wrist, turning to her - she cut you off before any words of yours formed.

“A baby is a very special thing, do well to be happy. Once in a lifetime are we blessed with such pure things.” Nodding your head, you smiled.

Feeling thankful for the fresh air outside of the medical building. You hoped you hadn’t let any of your emotion betray you by shocking down the bond. You wanted to tell Azriel. As a couple you hadn’t ever discussed having a family before. He was your only family, and if he didn’t want this - with you. The hole forming in your heart was enough for you to understand what would happen. At first you were worried but the more you thought as you walked, about a baby. The more you wanted it. You had so much love to give. But Azriel had so many things, His job, our enemies. Just the thought of someone harming your baby made your skin brush cold. The risk was significant. The war made you realise how vulnerable you truely were, how hard you fought and still couldn’t protect the people closest to you. When Cas had been sliced open, Azriels wings wounded. Rhysand literally dying, just as Amren had sacrificed herself. That was what the future held for you. Of course you suffered greatly during the war, encountering your own set of injuries. If you had a child, you couldn’t be so reckless anymore. You weren’t sure if that’s the fate you wanted for a baby.

That’s if Azriel wanted to have a part in it.

Just the uncertainty of his reaction. You sat down on a park bench. How where you even going to tell him? You had to think of plan B. Not just yet you thought. You had to be fair and give him the choice.

Looking at all the people, you saw them laughing. Couples, friends, families. You wanted that. But was it selfish? Of course you didn’t plan to get pregnant. You had barley seen Az actually, for a while, only having been intimate a few times, about a month ago. Thinking back you hadn’t taken your pregnancy control tonic. Idiot you thought to yourself. It was your fault. Putting your head in your hands you started to cry. This was so confusing, how were you supposed to feel? Surely not like this?

You felt someone sit on the bench next to you, looking up you saw Azriel. As someone who usually held a plastid face, he was showing a lot of concern.

“What’s wrong Y/N? I felt your distress down the bond.”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to bother you.”

“Stop with that, I’m always available to you. What happened?”

His hands were placed on your knee and back.

Taking a breath, now was not the time to be a coward. You would be okay.

“I haven’t been well lately.” You saw him frown.

Continuing on, “ So I saw Madja, and uh, I’m pregnant.” You felt his hand tighten on your knee and you assumed the worst. About to apologise again he pulled you into a bone crushing embrace. The tears started to slip again.

He kissed the back of your head.

He pulled away once he realised you had been gently crying.

“Are you not happy Y/N?”

Wiping away the wet drips on your face, you let out shaky exhale.

“I just didn’t- I wasn’t sure if you would want this. We’ve never spoken about this…possibility in life.”

“I want you, forever. And whatever you want. A baby, no baby. I know it’s new but we can manage. We always have.”

You tried to smile but you just felt emotional.

“Cmon, you look after me, a baby is nothing compared to what I put you through.” He gave you a grin. Seeing how jovial he was, you couldn’t help but laugh.

“Are you really sure this is what you want?”

“Y/N! I promise. I can’t even express how much I want this. A little you running around, what else could I ask for?”

Lifting your brow, “who says it won’t be a little you?”

He reached up to push a stray hair behind your ear “With any luck, I will have a beautiful, intelligent, compassionate, fiery, little girl, who is just like her mother. You couldn’t help but blush at the compliment.

Little did you both know that you would grow a mischievous little boy exactly like his father.

#azriel x reader #acotar #elain acotar #azriel shadowsinger #azriel #cassian acotar #rhysand #feyre archeron #nesta archeron #nesta stan #shadowsinger x reader

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enbycrip · 1 month

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One of the many fucking things no one takes seriously about ADHD is the absolute fucking torture of losing stuff all the fucking time.

It’s not remotely funny tbh. The amount of fucking money I’ve spent replacing stuff that I never fucking see again.

I have an energy-limiting condition. Searching for things all the time destroys me. My house is a mess because if I can’t see things I forget they exist and I absolutely just DO NOT HAVE THE CAPACITY to repeatedly take rooms to bits to find them when doing that once, especially if it means moving my head up and down repeatedly, which most searching seems to, can easily take me out for the entire day.

Seriously. I manage to get my pup at least one walk of the three she needs a day 4-6 days a week, with my rollator, because her harness and lead, my keys, my knee and ankle supports and my headphones now live on a table by the front door. They do not get moved for ANY reason. Doing this has meant I’ve been consistently able to do this without ending up repeatedly in exhausted tears or literally passing out and coming round on the floor with her standing on my head in a mix of concern and needing to pee for more than four months now.

If you claim ADHD “isn’t a real disability”, you can fuck right off. It’s worse for me because I’m also autistic and have hEDS and POTS, but it still constantly fucks my life up on a regular basis, and fighting for access to medication *despite* a diagnosis is just as fucking difficulty as it is for all my other impairments.

It’s a real disability. You can’t just overcome it by wanting to enough. And coping strategies are like accommodations for every other disability - sometimes very helpful, sometimes borderline helpful for the amount of work they involve, sometimes intensely *unhelpful* for a given person. Even finding helpful ones don’t make the disability itself go away - they just limit the effects in situations they exist.

Out of those situations, or if they are removed, the disability still exists. I see too many people who undo my coping strategies for my ADHD and think I’ll “just manage fine” without them. Same as I see people who think I can “just manage fine” walking without my rollator because they don’t have easy room in the car for it.

If life worked that way, everyone would be able to fly and no one would ever starve to death.

#disabled #disability #chronic illness #chronic pain #chronic fatigue #adult adhd #disableism #heds #pots

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religion-is-a-mental-illness · 9 months

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By: Buck Angel

Published: Jul 21, 2023

A guest post by Buck Angel, which really should be in The New York Times—maybe they’ll republish it?

Every day, I’m called a new name. Sometimes it’s something obviously insulting, like bigot or transphobe. Sometimes it’s something more subtly designed to twist my knickers, like female. My critics assume this will wound me, because for the last 30 years, I have lived as a man. I medically transitioned at age 30, after what felt like a lifetime of struggle, and after many years of therapy and evaluation.

Transition saved my life. But being called female doesn’t hurt me, because while I changed my body, I’m well aware that I can’t change my sex. And even though I’ve felt since I was a young child that I would have preferred to be—and should have been—born male, I don’t believe that children should medically transition. I’m one of the oldest and most visible female-to-male transsexuals in the country, but because of my views, today’s trans activists not only don’t speak for me, they try to cancel me.

Let’s rewind. I grew up in the 60s and 70s, a time of tomboys, when I was one of several typically masculine girls in short hair and sports shorts, running wild. There wasn’t much difference between me and those other tomboy girls back then; I beat up the boys and earned their respect. For the most part, my parents let me dress and live as a boy. The few times I had to wear a dress for church were torture, but other than that I had an excellent childhood.

My parents assumed my tomboyism was a phase I’d outgrow, but at puberty, I became deeply uncomfortable with my female body, a condition I had no name for back then. I lived for many years as a butch lesbian, and was an internationally successful androgynous model. Sometimes I wore suits, but when they stuffed me into a dress, I would spiral.

Eventually, the disconnect between my body and my sense of myself became too great. Sad and lonely, I turned to drugs, became homeless, engaged in prostitution, lost most of my friends and family, and hit bottom.

Once I got sober, and got therapy, I also got clarity. I told the therapist I felt that I should be—no, that I was—a man, and, unlike everyone else I’d ever said this to, she said, “I hear you. I believe you.” She gave me a diagnosis of what was then called gender identity disorder, which didn’t feel like a stigma. It felt like a lightbulb going off, which allowed me to understand and accept myself. I had a mental condition. That’s why I experienced anguish. Our next task was to figure out how to treat it.

Gender clinics were hardly in existence then. She couldn’t just affirm me and send me off for drugs and surgery with a letter. We spent over a year exploring the source of my distress and what it meant to be or live as a man or woman. She dug deep, she pushed back. And eventually, together, we decided that the potential benefits of transition were worth the risks. I had already passed the “real life” test. Now I went in search of medical treatments.

We filled out an inch-thick pile of paperwork for a program at Stanford, and never even received a reply. Eventually, we found an endocrinologist who explained to me that if I took testosterone, it would be experimental. But by that time, after 25 years of navigating the world as a differently-gendered person and more than a year of intensive psychological evaluation, I was ready.

I did something even more radical than transitioning once my body changed: I became an adult film star, a man without male parts, making space for nonconforming bodies, raising awareness and increasing body positivity for trans people. Some of my lesbian friends called me a traitor, and haters sometimes called me a tranny, but for the most part, I found acceptance and joy. Until about five years ago, I was happily living as a transsexual, or, as I call it, “a man with a female past.”

Then several things started to change. The word transsexual—a person of one sex who changes their body to appear more like the other—was eclipsed by the word “transgender,” an umbrella term that included everyone from tomboys gently rejecting stereotypes to trans women who’d had penectomies, plus myriad gender identities that seemed to have no locatable meaning. The idea that people could actually change sex, that sex was mutable or unreal, took hold in society, especially with young people.

Then, as some clinicians, including trans women, have admitted, a rash of teen girls started to declare themselves trans and transition; some said they’d had no mental health treatments before doing so. Then I started to hear about and from detransitioners, who’d taken cross-sex hormones or had breast or genital surgeries, not to cure some kind of organic dysphoria but because they’d been taught that if they felt uncomfortable with themselves or their bodies, maybe they needed to change them to match their brains. One study of detransitioners showed 55 percent felt they weren’t properly evaluated.

When it comes to gender dysphoria, talk therapy is more important than anything else. In fact, several European countries are now insisting that therapy is the primary treatment for it, with medical interventions under strict regulation. Physical transition is hard both on your body and mind; I should know. You have to make sure this is the right path for you by working with a therapist who will push back and question and explore the source of your desire to change. Dysphoria is in the brain. If you’re skipping over the brain and going straight to the body, you’re not helping trans people.

People accuse me of climbing the ladder and pulling it up behind me, transitioning and then trying to stop other people from doing so. That’s not my goal at all. I transitioned at age 30 and never looked back or felt I’d made a mistake, and I welcome adults who can adequately weigh the risks and benefits of transition to join me. But I never could have been sure without the struggle I navigated, without my brain growing mature enough to decide. Every choice I made was in adulthood.

One reason I’m so adamant about not medically transitioning children is that those tomboy girls I played with growing up, who were just like me back then, didn’t turn out like me. Some are gay women. Some are straight. Some feminized during or after puberty. Some stayed masculine. Childhood gender nonconformity or even gender dysphoria aren’t indications of any one adulthood. We can’t just slap the label trans on a kid who’s differently gendered and assume we know what path that kid should take for the rest of their life. In fact, several studies show that the vast majority of kids who are gender dysphoric in childhood resolve their distress by the end of puberty, and a majority of those grow up to be same-sex attracted.

Instead of focusing on identity, we should be focusing on the rigid gender stereotypes kids are absorbing every day. Give them the room I had to be masculine or feminine without presuming what it means about their futures. For suggesting these ideas, my own so-called LGBT+ “community” attacks me, tries to silence and intimidate me, accuses me of condemning children to a lifetime of suffering. But that’s not what I’m saying at all. I’m saying it may be hard to live in their bodies, but it’s important that they try, because we don’t know how to forecast the future from their current struggle, but we know it’s important that they learn to navigate and overcome hardship.

Myself, I’m glad for my many years of struggling. Struggle made me strong. Now the struggle is so different. It’s a struggle to tell an inconvenient truth in a world that thinks truth is transphobic. It’s a struggle to keep my business going amid #cancelbuckangel hashtags. It’s a struggle to feel part of a community that would oust a pioneering elder for wrongthink.

I’ve already been through so much, and I can handle it. But I don’t think suppressing knowledge, dissent and discussion is going to create more space for kids struggling today. I think those kids are best served by having time and space to understand themselves, and not rush—or be rushed—to make decisions about who they are going to be.

#LGBT Courage #Buck Angel #Tranpa #transsexual #gender dysphoria #gender transition #stereotypes #gender stereotypes #gender ideology #queer theory #social contagion #gay conversion therapy #gay conversion #religion is a mental illness

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meraki-yao · 2 days

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20 Questions For Fic Writers ✒️

I have a bit of time between now and my consultation for my essay so I’m finally answering these! Thank you to @luainthewild and @typicalopposite for the tags!!!!

How many works do you have on ao3?

13 right now! I’m a baby fic writer lol I only started in 2022 as a coping mechanism from university fucking me up, but I’m fully in love with it now. It’s so good to get back into writing for myself after writing for school and exams according to a marking scheme for so long.

What's your total ao3 word count? 43,982!

What fandoms do you write for?

浪浪钉 LLD (The collective ship name for the main ship Wenzhou and the rps Junzhe), Shadowhunters (mostly Show canon but I do have book canon fic ideas in my drafts), RWRB

I have a Sanders Sides Hadestown AU in my drafts too but that’s been gathering dust there for a while😅

Top five fics by kudos:

I’d Hang the Moon for It to Shine on Him Sleeping (RWRB)

I Need Comfort (But I Hate Being Comfortable) (RWRB)

Dancing Under Red Skies (Shadowhunters)

Take Me Out and Take Me Home (Shadowhunters)

Achilles Come Down (Shadowhunters)

Do you respond to comments?

Not really, mostly because I have no idea how to handle compliments🫠

What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

I’d say my first fic? Four Times Love Meant Sacrifice and the One Time It Didn't Need To, because that was literally four ships with a bad ending (or at least endings presented as bad) with one final happy ending ship. But otherwise I mostly stick with happy endings, or at least hopeful endings

But I will say my WIP that I posted on Wednesday is gonna break that record and have the angsiest ending, because it’s about Arthur Fox’s cancer diagnosis and Henry’s emotional journey through that point of his life

What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

I’d say most of them are fairly happy? But I do think I do hopeful endings more.

Probably Can I Have This Dance? It ends with Alex and Henry dancing around in the Texas family house after the election

Do you get hate on fics?

So far so good, no, and I’m hoping it stays that way 🥹

Do you write smut?

Very, very tame. The most explicit thing I’ve written is The Word of Your Body, which is a RWRB Movie Paris scene fic. It’s very tame, but writing the main event gave me such a crisis

Craziest crossover:

I don’t think I’ve done a crossover? Between fandoms, that is. And I don’t think I’ll ever plan to? Unless you count what I did for Four Times Love Meant Sacrifice and the One Time It Didn't Need To because I was mixing the actor’s characters from different projects and shipping them together (which is a really prominent thing in the LLD/JZ fandom)

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

No, not that I know of

Have you ever had a fic translated?

No, but with my growing interest in translation, I am thinking of translating some of my own fics, starting with the LLD (since that’s a dominantly Chinese fandom to began with)

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

No, not yet!

All time favorite ship?

Aw, you can’t make me choose, that’s impossible!

What's a wip you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

I have way too many ideas in my RWRB draft box, so there’s a lot of doubt there

But for fics I actually already started, it’s a song fic on “I’ll Cover You” from Rent for Junzhe. I was like 40% done with the draft, but the last time I touched it was in 2022.

It’s supposed to be a sort of exploration on cross-dressing and femineity which started because I was pissed at the government’s “Anti-sissy” declaration, and Zhehan (one part of the ship, but don’t search him online yourself a lot of shit happened and there’s massive misinformation everywhere about him) was really loved and known for his perceived femininity after holding a dominantly masculine image for most of his career. The gender neutrality in his style during and after Word of Honor suited him better, and I wanted to write about that

What are your writing strengths?

Descriptive writing and character studies, which is why most of my fics are either putting visual media into words, or missing scenes, or canon compliant

What are your writing weaknesses?

Dialogue and anything regarding movement and action, so choosing to write a Tangled AU for the RWRB Big Bang is a challenge I set for myself

Thoughts on dialogue in another language?

Be careful with it, and be respectful. (and of course, if it’s Chinese, I will be extra critical)

First fandom you wrote in?

Lang Lang Ding/Junzhe! Or if you categorize according to AO3 tags, Word of Honor RPF

Favorite fic you've written?

Eh, I’m pretty happy with most of my fics but I’ll go with I’d Hang the Moon for It to Shine on Him Sleeping, The Word of Your Body and Achilles Come Down

No pressure tagging @o0anapher0o @pippin-katz @lfg1986-2 @noemiettedraw @thinkof-england

#rwrb #red white and royal blue #rwrb movie #firstprince #rwrb fic #junzhe #word of honor #junzhe fic #malec #shadowhunters #malec fic #meraki writes #tag game #ask game #meraki fic

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my-autism-adhd-blog · 4 days

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Hi! ive been wondering for a while if in autistic, ive made my research on it and it really seens like i am. ive finally talked to my therapist about it and we are discussing searching for a neurologist. i wanna be prepared to see the neurologista, what is it like? what do they usually do and etc? im really curiosa and i love your content!

Hi there,

Things have changed since I’ve gotten diagnosed back in 2009. So I have no idea how the process works now. And I saw a Psychiatrist, not a neurologist.

I do see a neurologist for seizures. But not autism itself.

The CDC has some information about the process.

Hopefully my followers can help too.

I’m sorry I couldn’t help. But I appreciate the inbox. I hope you have a wonderful day/night. ❤️

#inbox #inbox reply #inbox is open

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spencerrscardigans · 15 days

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Doctors often tell patients, often chronically ill patients to stay off the social media that talks about their illnesses and to not look stuff up, and i can understand why this may be problematic but they also aren’t taking into consideration the positives and good things that can also occur from this.

POTS and other chronic illnesses are having a higher social media presence, and because of this it’s created quite a big stigma surrounding it, and people often think that these illnesses are just becoming a trend, but they don’t understand how helpful the representation is for so many people.

I do often see people in the comment section of these videos who will have one or two traits and immediately panic thinking they have these things and i can understand how that part isn’t great, but in some cases it actually is these posts online that help people get diagnoses and learn more about themselves.

I would not have been diagnosed with POTS and getting treatment if it weren’t for social media, and my doctors don’t know much about POTS so most of the tips and advice and treatment methods that i’ve found have been from social media, and i would not be where i am without it.

I struggled with dysautonomia for my entire life, and it had been established by my one doctor who actually knew about these conditions but he retired and the new doctors i was switched too don’t know much about my health conditions, so getting diagnoses and treatment has been a very slow process.

My dysautonomia is believed to have turned into POTS in early 2021 when i was 14 after i got covid, and for over a year i was struggling with debilitating symptoms and had no idea why. I was just starting high school, and i was getting sicker and sicker and it was causing quite the divide socially.

I had been diagnosed with fibromyalgia, and because of it i had already been limited in my physical activity, so i was just told that my POTS symptoms were because i was out of shape.

I tried to push myself to fix this, which only ended up making me feel worse. Sometime along the road of me trying to get more active, i got a fitbit.

I started using my watch to monitor my steps and sleep, and i noticed that my heart rate would shoot up to the 150s-170s when i was simply standing still, so i sat down, and my heart rate immediately dropped to the low 100s.

I thought that this may be a glitch with my watch, but was still concerned as i was aware that my heart rate should not get that high from just standing still, so i started googling. As a result of my search, the name Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome came up. I did some reading, and noticed that a lot of the signs were pointing to me, especially with the already established dysautonomia.

I had already dealt with a lot of doctors telling me that i was just paranoid and a hypochondriac, and i knew that watches sometimes glitched or didn’t work correctly, so i went to my pharmacy and got a pulse ox, and did the same standing test and it did the exact same thing as my watch.

I took pictures of my heart rate and started recording it on the charts that my watch had, and brought it to my next doctors appointment, explained my symptoms and then mentioned that i had heard of the condition POTS, and that it seemed pretty similar to what i was going through. My doctor had my do a short standing test in the office, and i had a 70bpm increase in my heart rate.

My doctor agreed that it definitely looked like POTS and she said that i met the criteria for a diagnosis, but she said she didn’t know very much about the condition and had only briefly heard about it, so she referred me to a cardiologist in another city as that was the closest specialist to me, but they denied the referral and said that they weren’t taking patients with POTS, and they gave her a information sheet and gave her some tests to do to rule out anything else.

The tests came back, and again it all pointed to POTS, but my doctor was scarcely familiar with the condition, and wasn’t comfortable giving me an official diagnosis, so she gave me an informal diagnosis. When it came to treatments, she also wasn’t familiar with anything besides telling me to drink more water, exercise, and increase my sodium intake, and the only medication she was familiar to treat it with was propranolol, so she prescribed that, but it unfortunately didn’t help much, so i wasn’t left with much help or advice.

The things my doctor recommended weren’t enough, and because i didn’t have an official diagnosis or really any information at all from my doctors it was hard to get accommodations with school, and i wasn’t sure what else to do, so i did what doctors recommend against and went to google and social media.

It was then where i found so many people like me who i could finally relate to, and found so much information about my condition and tips and tricks to help manage it.

Because i finally knew more about how to manage my POTS, i started trying out more things and in the last year i have learnt more than i had in years of going to doctors, and i also finally had a community where i felt less alone.

I was able to advocate for myself, and two years later, this february i finally got in to see a cardiologist and now have a proper diagnosis, and he was able to provide some more insight and treatment options for me and i’m finally starting to notice some improvement and have a hopeful plan for the future.

In cases like these, social media representation of chronic illnesses is not always bad, and can in my opinion, actually save lives. If i had not had access to these communities and help, i genuinely can say that i would not be where i am at today, and i am forever grateful for the communities that have been created.

#chronic illness #chronically ill #pots #pots syndrome #postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome #fibromyalgia #ehlers danlos syndrome #hypermobile ehlers danlos #heds #social media #representation #rant post #awareness #chronic pain

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justkending · 1 year

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Finding Memories. Chapter 2.

Series Summary: Waking up with little to no memory of her past, and being saved by a group of individuals who call themselves heroes, sends a long time captive for a whirlwind trying to find some form of grounding in this world she quickly learns runs on chaos. But she’s not the only one trying to figure out her forgotten backstory. Bucky Barnes, along with the other Avengers, can’t help but sense that there is a lot more to the whole situation than a diagnosis of amnesia. Her background slowly starts to come forward in pieces of her past and hidden information discovered. Who is she? And why was she in the room they were meant to destroy?

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader

Word Count: 4000+

TW: Torture, cussing, and blood.

A/N: First off, thank you for the love already given to this series. It’s been a fun one to write and I’m impatiently waiting for you guys to get to the juicer chapters. This one is a great start to understanding the relationships ot come and how our main character is going to behave to her new surroundings. I hope you enjoy and can’t wait to hear what all you think and got from it! xoxoxo

Chapter 2:

The next morning, Bucky was hesitant to knock on her door. He didn't want to overstep the one space that she had to herself.

Though it wasn't like he was barging in, yet again, he knew what it meant to have a place of peace and how easily it can lose its sense of amity the more traffic it received.

So he waited. He waited in the lounge area, then he waited in the kitchen, then he waited in the den/ library. Then he waited back in the kitchen again.

He checked his watch and saw it was 7 in the morning. He had already been up for two hours and had done nothing useful besides reading up on the reports Nat gave him over and over again with no change in information.

They would just have to wait until someone was able to decode more of the encrypted drive they had taken.

"I'll be ok. I've had worse."

Bucky turned at the voice he was becoming more familiar with.

"Are you sure? We can go back to the med bay and have them take a look. It looks like it's bruised up pretty nice," another voice came from the hallway he was eavesdropping on.

"It's fresh," she replied shyly, not caring for the attention. It's a lot different from the attention she was used to and a change of intention can be hard to adjust to. "In a few hours, you won't even be able to see it."

They finally came from around the corner and Bucky stood up from his chair, closing the book he had zoned out of multiple times.

"Hey, Barnes," Nat smiled with Y/N by her side. "How long have you been up?"

"A couple of hours. Was doing some research," he replied absentmindedly. His eyes immediately searched for the bruising he heard them talking about. It was hard to miss even when she was actively trying to keep him from seeing it as she looked anywhere in the room but at him. "What happened?" he asked anyway as he was shocked by the black eye she now had.

She looked at Nat and then at him.

"I had a nightmare. Fell off and hit my head on the nightstand," she replied sheepishly.

In truth, she was used to being tied down to a table when she had nightmares, so silk sheets and a bed with no restraints made it easy for her to find herself on the floor the next morning and a black eye for proof of her night terrors.

He looked at the damage as best he could as she tried to cover it with her hair and not bring attention to it.

Before he could make any other comment on it, she excused herself to the kitchen.

"She doesn't like attention, I can tell you that much," Nat whispered as they watched her carefully move around the modern kitchen. Not sure where to start as she had only been there one other time and Bucky was the chef. "Maybe just don't mention it or try to make her feel better about it. She's pretty adamant on not discussing how she got it."

"She doesn't need to say anything. I can imagine what she saw last night," Bucky replied with a deep sigh. "Now let's see what she thinks of on-the-go food."

"What are you doing with her, Barnes? She's barely accustomed to this palace, you better not be taking her to an overpopulated place. She's already on edge about the fact she knows nothing about herself," Nat gave him a raised eyebrow.

"What kind of person do you take me for?" he rolled his eyes. "Obviously I'm not going to put her in a high-stress situation, one day after waking up from a two-day sleep and everything else she went through before."

"I know," Nat chuckled, patting his back. "I'm just making sure." They paused to watch her as she went about the kitchen inspecting appliances and items. "She seems like she'll make it out the other side of the tunnel though," Nat whispered. "She's got some spunk in her, I can tell. We just got to fish it out."

"That's the goal," Bucky took a deep breath crossing his arms.

She was fidgeting with the coffee machine and trying to decipher if the hot brown liquid inside was something she liked before. She had liked the smell, but there were no memories attached to the sense.

"I'm going to take her on a walk of the compound so she can get familiar with it. The more you know about your environment and escape routes with a backstory like hers, it'll hopefully help her tear back some of those walls she's put up."

"Good plan. You may want to help her find a mug though if you want her awake on that walk. I have a feeling she didn't get much rest last night," Nat sighed before moving on to her mission of the day. "I'm going to help Tony maneuver through some of those files we got."

"How's that going?" he asked before she could walk off.

"About as well as your reading this morning did." Her smirk showed that she caught onto his mindless wandering and tricks to look busy as he waited for the new guest to come out this morning. "However, I think it's best to look up some names as well. We can't keep calling her Jane Doe/ that girl we rescued from a terrorist infiltration. Not very fitting for her either way."

"Yeah, I'll make that a goal for today," he nodded. "Keep me updated?"

She was walking away when he shouted his last comment to her.

"Always do," she waved, never looking back.

Bucky took another breath before moving on to his next riddle of the day.

"Need any help?" he asked as she poured some of the coffee into a mug that she had found.

"I'm not sure if I like this stuff," she said back, very focused on making sure she didn't spill any of the coffee. "But it smells really nice," she tilted her head down as she took another sniff.

"You don't think you've had coffee before?" he questioned, grabbing his own mug and refilling it.

"Not that I can remember. I know it's called coffee and I know it helps you stay awake, but that's all I know about it," she shrugged, about to take a swig of it.

Bucky watched as she hesitantly brought the warm drink to her lips. She took a small sip and her face scrunched up at the potency.

"Yeah, you may be better off with some cream and sugar. I make it a little stronger," he noted, looking at the nearly empty pot. "I can make another batch if you want," he offered.

But she waved him off, placing the mug down and going to the fridge for the creamer he had mentioned. She was at least knowledgeable about where the creamer would be. So perhaps she had done normal things in her past.

A human lab experiment wasn't one to know where household items are generally kept. At least the ones that have never seen a light outside fluorescent bulbs hovering over them. It was a small new detail about her, but a detail either way.

"Do you want sugar?" he asked, grabbing a few packets.

She nodded, taking the packets and thanking him before stirring them all together. With a quick look at him, she silently communicated with him a "here it goes," look before taking a new sip.

Her face didn't scrunch this time and instead, she had a look of realization.

"Do you guys have any..." She was trying to find the word. One she was sure she hadn't used in a long time if it was taking this long to come to her. "It's a spice," she said, hoping he would pick up on it.

"Spice? Sweet or savory?" he asked, going to the cupboard to search for something that would blend well with coffee.

"That one," she pointed out.

He turned and followed her finger seeing she was talking about the cinnamon.

"Oh, cinnamon?" he asked, pulling down the small jar and handing it to her.

She took it and examined the label. She turned it around in her hand a few times and carefully opened the lid.

"Is this sweet?" she asked, looking up at him.

"I guess you can call it that. It does go well with coffee though. The Parker kid has talked about it before," he said more to himself.

"Parker kid?" she raised an eyebrow.

"Oh yeah. He's a member of the team," he answered. "He's pretty young and has school most of the time, but when he isn't there, he's here annoying us."

It was true. Peter Parker was the second little brother Bucky didn't plan on gaining in his life. Though he made himself useful when Bucky needed a pop culture explanation. Especially when Tony would drop them casually in conversation just to annoy Bucky.

"School? You have a kid on your team that's still in school?" She was slightly concerned.

"Don't worry, he's a smart kid," Bucky leaned against the counter. "He'll be studying for his college classes and hunting down a criminal during his snack time."

"They have snack time in college?" she tilted her head genuinely curious.

"He may be a teenager, but compared to me, he's a toddler. Plus, he gets hangry when he doesn't get his 1:30 snack."

"For someone who seems annoyed by the kid, you're awfully in tune with his schedule," she smiled up at him.

Bucky couldn't help but return it. This was the longest they had talked and he was learning she was quite observant.

"He's the little brother I didn't want, but I can't help but look out for the kid," Bucky shrugged, adding a sugar packet to his black drink before indulging in it.

"Sounds like a recurring action of yours," she said slyly as she took a sip with the cinnamon now in the drink.

Bucky took note of that spark of spunk Nat had mentioned and couldn't help but grin that it was coming out so soon.

He watched her reaction after she took a few more sips and her eyebrows lifted.

"I think I like cinnamon," she realized with a small sense of pride in her comment.

"Add it to the list," he grinned. "How do you feel about walks?" he asked next.

"Walks?" she asked, confused at the action. "Like just walking around?"

"Uh-huh," he answered, taking the last bit of the coffee in the pot and transferring it to a travel mug. "We can take that to go, or we can wait until you're finished."

"I'll take it to go," she nodded, holding it delicately in her hand.

"Ok, let's get you set up and we'll head out."

_________________

They grabbed a jacket from the closet in her room, even though it was bigger on her, she rolled up the sleeves and was comfortable in the brisk fall air.

Bucky started her off in the immediate meeting area. Showing her where the den and library were, where the living room and movie room were, and anywhere else she would have access to in the living space.

She was quiet for most of the tour and was taking in the mass amount of resources and activities they had at their fingertips. All she knew when it came to free time was being put to sleep and thrown into another room before more procedures were done to her... At least that's all she remembered so far.

On their way outside, he motioned to where the training room and gym were. A place she could go to if she needed to find anyone for help. There was a decent chance that there was at least one person who could help her there at any time.

Once outside, they took the scenic route around the compound. Keeping their distance from the hustle and bustle of agents and aircrafts taking off and leaving for missions.

"So there are more people that work here than just your avenging group?" she asked, hands in her jacket pockets as she tugged it closer to her body.

The way she worded the group's name made him laugh.

"We're a whole organization. Tony Stark, who's the one who pays for all this and the one who had your room all set up, is also one of the Avengers," he explained. "Steve, who you know as the man with the shield, is also known as Captain America. Well at least that's his superhero name and rank, but he's just as much of a dork as the Peter kid sometimes."

"And the Peter kid is the spider boy, right?" she asked

"Yes, Spiderboy. Hmm mm," he hummed, not correcting her as he had described him as that, to begin with.

"Nat seems really nice too. She also has superpowers?"

"Nat is enhanced, but she doesn't go as far as to classify herself as a superhero personally. She was a very well-known spy for a long time before joining this life."

"What about you?" she turned to him.

"Me?" he repeated.

"Yeah, do you have any powers?" She looked at the trees around her as she asked. Taking in as much of the greenery as possible.

"Steve and I's enhancements are pretty similar. Why and how we got them couldn't be more opposite, but I guess you could say I have powers..." he shrugged, looking over at her before following her eye line.

A few seconds of silence went on before she turned to him with a look of confusion on her face.

Though she had noticed the metal arm all the way back to when they first met, she had never stared or mentioned it like others were quick to. Never questioned or hinted at wanting to know what the backstory to it was, but something in her gut told her his answer to her last question has some sort of association with the arm.

Again, she didn't push. She just continued to walk as she processed everything in her own time. Bucky was really just there to answer questions and guide her around. He was intrigued by her story just as much as everyone else that was on that mission, but like them, he was waiting for answers to arise.

"Hey," he spoke up after a few minutes of silence passed. "I know I told you I'd let you sleep on it some more, but any chance a name has come to you."

She took his question and processed it for a second.

"Not really," she replied. "I heard some things that-," she paused, not sure what to call her captors. The memory of them was not one she was interested in looking back on, no matter how helpful it would be in the long run. "They called me..." she finished. "But never a real name."

He knew what she meant. Being used as a lab rat meant that a name that holds emotional ties and connections to an individual was not common in this situation. She was likely given a code name, or a number, or called slurs the majority of the time.

"Well, consider it another thing you get to choose," he continued in a way to make the conversation less upsetting. "Is there anything you would want to be called?"

She thought about it as they rounded the nature trail they were on. But eventually, she shook her head.

"I guess that's a pretty big decision." He placed his hands in his front pocket as they made their way slowly back to the living space. "I have an idea," he reached into his back pocket and fished out his phone. "I'll pull up a list of names and you can see if any of them sound fitting for you. And if not today, maybe you can do some research of your own and find something you like."

"Ok," she nodded, taking his phone that he had quickly searched up girl names on. She scrolled for a bit but didn't seem intrigued by any of the names she had found. After a few mumbles, as she read to herself the options, she stopped. "Wait, this one," she pointed, lifting the phone for him to see.

"Y/N?" he asked, testing the name himself. "You like that one?"

"I think so, but..." she paused and closed her eyes. "Something seems familiar about it."

"You have a connection to it?"

She again tried to think back on it. Her nose scrunched up as she closed her eyes trying really hard to remember why it was clicking somewhere. Something he had noticed she did anytime she thought hard about something.

"I'm not sure," she eventually sighed. "But I like it. Do I seem like a Y/N?"

"I don't see why not," he smiled. "I like it."

She smiled back, though he could tell it was slightly forced in an attempt to cover the frustration on why the name sparked something in her mind, yet she couldn't place why.

"Y/N it is," she said.

_________________

"I'm telling you, it's the only answer to what you're asking me," a voice echoed through the hall as Y/N and Bucky made their way back for lunch after a long and eventful walk around the compound.

"I'm not saying it's the wrong answer... I'm just saying it's-"

"It's an answer," a third voice was heard, with a hint of uncertainty.

"Wanda! Don't side with her."

"What's happening in here?" Bucky asked, turning the corner and putting a face to all the voices he had heard.

Sam was on one side of the counter, sitting on a bar stool. Natasha was in the fridge grabbing a cooled bottle of wine, and Wanda was in the middle of cooking what smelled like a nice roast or soup.

"Oh, hey!" Nat smiled, seeing that their new guest was somewhat hiding behind Bucky at the new people. "You guys are just in time for our lunch date," she smiled kindly to the woman before turning her attention to Bucky. "How was your walk?"

Bucky smiled, walking into the room slowly, checking behind him to see how close Y/N was following him. Not to his surprise, she was at least a foot away to give him some form of space, but close enough to feel like she had an anchor around the new crowd.

"It went well. We stayed on the hiking trail most of the time, but she should have an idea of the place a little better now," he answered. "What do you have going, Wanda?"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa," Sam stood up from his chair. "You're just going to act like there isn't a guest here? Where are your 1940's era manners?"

No one noticed, but her eyebrows knitted together in curiosity at the specifics of his question.

"Cool your jets," Bucky was quick to block her from him as he knew she was already skittish with everything going on, let alone new people. "She's who I mentioned was going to be staying with us for a little bit until we get some things figured out."

"Right," Sam remembered. "Sorry, I just got back from a long mission. I forgot all that happened while I was gone. And I've only been informed about pieces of what happened." He walked over to where Y/N was next to Bucky, but still behind him in shelter. "Sorry for my manners," he emphasized. "And his too, but I can only take credit for my own actions."

That got a small snicker out of her. Sam was good like that.

"Shut up," Bucky rolled his eyes.

"You first," Sam responded instinctively, before ignoring him and looking at her with a kind smile. "I'm Sam. Sam Wilson. I don't believe I've caught your name yet, sweetheart."

She could feel a sense of trust toward this person. The same she was slowly realizing she could easily give with this group of people she was gradually being introduced to.

"My name's Y/N," she replied softly. "It's nice to meet you, Sam."

"It's a pleasure to meet you as well," he grinned, before turning to the side and motioning to the empty bar stools in front of the chef herself. "Want to watch Wanda work her magic on the stove? She's got a gift for comfort meals on cold and dreary days like today."

She looked to Bucky once again, looking for something to tell her the coast was clear. He nodded his head once showing he'd be right behind her.

After the three sat in front of where the auburn-haired woman was adding the last bits of spices to the pot, Natasha walked up next to Wanda handing her a glass of wine.

"So, Y/N," she stretched out the name, sending a smirk showing she was happy to have a name to connect to her. "Bucky's not giving you any trouble, is he? Cause I can set him straight if need be."

Bucky once again rolled his eyes at the teasing from his teammates.

"Nat, aren't you supposed to be in a meeting with Stark right now?" He attempted to divert the conversation.

"Nothing that can't be sent in an email. He'll be fine," she waved him off. "Find anything interesting out there?" she asked, only looking at Y/N.

"Um," she started but wasn't sure what to follow with it. "It's a nice place."

"We have a billionaire to thank for that," Wanda winked, sipping her wine before introducing herself. "I'm Wanda. It's nice to finally meet you, Y/N."

"Wanda?" she echoed. "Wanda Maximoff, right?"

Eyes widened at her comment in surprise, except for Buckys. It didn't take a lot to realize she was very good at picking up and remembering things given the space and motivation to do so.

"That's me," she smiled. "Bucky's been helpful enough to fill you in on the team's roster I assume?"

"I have a lot of questions that need to be answered, but I'm learning I don't necessarily know the type of questions to ask," she replied, hands in her lap and body language showing she was still shy and reserved. "But Bucky has helped make me feel like I have some kind of grasp on this place and the people in it."

The group looked at him, in what you could say was a surprised way, but as much hell as they gave him for being the quieter one of the group, he always had a heart for those who needed it.

"We're glad you're here with us," Wanda spoke up with a comforting smile. "You're with the right group and person," she looked at Bucky, "to figure out who you are. Now, I'm guessing you're hungry after that walk. How do you feel about a pot roast?"

____________

By the time lunch was over, Bucky noticed that Y/N's black eye had slight discoloration, but for the most part, was healed.

She did well with the small group of friends, though it was likely the most interaction she had had in a while on a friendly basis. With each passing hour, he could see her relax little by little as her new environment was proving itself consistently safe.

Nat laughed at how Sam was quickly already trying to spread his music taste to the new member and took a bite of the scrapes of bread left in the basket in the center of them all.

Her phone vibrated on the table and her smile dissipated just enough for a trained eye to see. Bucky happened to have that trained eye and noticed once she looked at him after receiving the message.

She excused herself and gave him a look that showed where his thoughts had gone were correct.

They had an update.

If you would like to be tagged in this upcoming series, please comment on this chapter! Thank you:)

Finding Memories Taglist: (some would not let me tag. so if you see your name but didn’t get the notification, double check if your blog allows tags:)

@tinkerbelle67 @a-beaverhausen @caruhleener @fanfictionjunkie1112 @sjsmith56

Marvel Tags:

@thejourneyneverendsx @death-unbecomes-you @mythos-writes @srrymydood @xa-dia @redhairedfeistynerd @morganclaire4 @connie326 @captain-asguard @mollygetssherlockcoffee @teenagedreams-bucky @shower-me-with-roses @livstilinski @basicallylool @starryeyeseunbyul

My Lovelies forever:

@natura1phenomenon @lauravicente @kakakatey @traceyaudette @notyourtypicalrose @awesome-badass-cafeteria-sauce @sandlee44 @thorne93 @thefaithfulwriter1 @essie1876 @greyeyedsmile14 @capsiclehan @xostephanie @averyrogers83 @awesomenursingstudent @gh0stgurl @cs-please @jjlevin @rainbowkisses31 @deannotmoose @their-bibliophile @kitkatd7 @willowbleedsonpaper @mariaenchanted @snffbeebee @couldabeenamermaid @rebekahdawkins @alyispunk @billyseye @hallecarey1

Bucky Barnes Tags:

@chloe-skywalker @charmedbysarge @jbarness @bellamy-barnes @katiaw2 @aikeia @stopjustlovethemcu @enchantedbarnes

#bucky barnes #finding memories #justkending #marvel series #bucky barnes fanfic #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x reader series #bucky barnes series #marvel #mcu series #enhanced reader #reader insert #bucky barnes x reader insert #bucky barnes x enhanced reader

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verydistractedveryconfused · 2 years

Text

12!Leo has issues with his vocal cords

Listen, nickelodeon thought that they would go: “Oh he damaged his voice and now his voice is different, but that’s it” and that I wouldn’t riot

no sir

I’ve been reading for weeks, searching on google

and i have angsty headcanons to show

IMPORTANT

I AM NOT A MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL OF ANY SORT

ALL OF THE INFORMATION I HAVE IS FROM GOOGLE AND OTHER SITES, THIS IS NOT AN ACTUAL DIAGNOSIS

just wanted to make that clear

anyway, this is what i found

What are the symptoms of a damaged vocal cord?

Difficulty breathing. Feeling short of breath or feeling that it’s hard to get air into or out of your lungs.

- Leo is a physical person, he likes to run around, skate, train, do a bunch of things that would make you take bigger breaths than usual

- So i believe that after he woke up from his coma, he most likely had to sleep in an upright position for a while to mak sure he could breathe properly while sleeping

- he shares a room with Raph because 1) Raph is never letting Leo out of his sight again, and 2) Leo stopped breathing once for a few long seconds and Raph woke up the whole farmhouse yelling for Donnie, they hadn’t let Leo sleep alone for a while until Donnie gave the ok

- taking a short walk from his room to the kitchen left him panting a ittle

A feeling of choking or suffocation.

- this symptom is similar to the firstone but i believe that leo may have some (a lot of) trauma, anxiety and PTSD, and the feeling of choking/suffocating makes having a panic attack so much worse

A high-pitched wheezing sound when you inhale, called stridor.

- the others were scared when they first heard it, but Donnie said it was normal for that kindof damage and it only ever happens every once in a while so-

Frequent cough or clearing your throat.

- i noticed that Leo cleared his throat a lot in the show and thought it had to do with his injury

- he started to drink more tea than usual to soothe it

A feeling of tightness in the throat or chest.

- again

- the panic attacks will be worse

- and also, prolongued excercise will have him rubbing his chest with a grimace on his face

Voice changes.

- the only canon thing

- and maybe his voice gets a weird pitch when he raises his voice or laughs

Hoarseness.

- more noticeable in the mornings/after waking up,

- but he also sounds hoarse after talking too much or yelling

I have some more but the post is getting a bit long so i’ll leave it here for now

tell me what you all think

sorry for my horrible grammar :’)

#tmnt leo #tmnt leo 2012 #tmnt 2k12 #raph tmnt #headcanon #teenage mutant ninja turtles

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meretrifles · 7 months

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Hod, I think, gets to be Accessibility. Hod's job is to make sure the library is accessible to all populations. Including the blind, the disabled, the language-learners, and basically every marginalized population that exists. All at once. I don't even have to explain why she's going to snap. Her job is to bend over backwards in more directions than a 3-dimensional plane can support.

It's not easy, but we really do try. We have audiobooks, we have picture books. We have Braille, EAL, a special audiobook service just for print disabilities. (Which, BTW, at my library, you just fill out a form that says "I promise there is a reason I have trouble reading books" and hand it in. No doctor or diagnosis required. Dyslexia counts, hand conditions that make it hard to hold a book count, it's pretty broad. If you or someone you know might benefit from audiobooks, check out your local library's policies and selection! There's a lot we can only offer to print-disabled patrons due to copyright laws!) We ship books out to people who can't leave their homes, to senior centers, we give old books away, we have waitlists a mile long.

Public libraries in general are exactly the wrong place for Hod. She wants to help people, feels like she has to help people. Dumping her in a place where she does indeed have to try to help everyone, and has to see what happens when she inevitably can't... She'll strangle herself and then everyone around her. Honestly, I do identify with Hod a fair bit. There is a strong thread of martyrdom in modern librarianship-- search "vocational awe" for discussion. We expect ourselves to be all things for all people, and resolutely ignore the fact that simply isn’t possible. I know exactly how Hod's breakdown happens. Someone asks her for something that doesn't exist anymore, that they can’t accept any substitute for, that they very much need, and takes the absence of it poorly. I'm a good librarian. I’ve been in that moment, I’ve lived it.

I don't know if I'm a good librarian anymore. But I’m also not at all sure that’s really such a good idea.

#public library of ruina #library of ruina #bad librarian!!#hod lor #vocational awe #i'd say i'm back on my bullshit but i never left my bullshit #saying things in public is effort

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eclipse-colony · 3 months

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"down with fdc?" More like down with specifically YOU!!!

Considering this is basically the same thing a member of fdc said on the post featuring my blog I’m left to assume you looked for and found my blog specifically to say this to me directly. All that does is prove my point that fdc encourages harassment of the people posted and that the censorship rule does nothing to actually protect people’s privacy.

Fdc has no way of fact checking if the people they claim to be faking disorders are and most of its users are so karma happy that they end up looking for systems or people with other disorders and post their content without so much as a look into the person. We aren’t seen as people but instead targets of mockery and a source of validation for the posters.

I made my down with fdc post without having been posted there myself because I have seen the harm and paranoia it causes for people. Many of those that state online their mental health conditions and experiences do so because they are looking for community and support from others who actually have the disorder not those you haven’t lived with it or doctors, that form of emotional and professional support is valuable and needed but sometimes what we need is to talk to someone who has similar life experiences.

Users on fdc like the one that posted me are a prime example of what I see as way the sub is harmful. The person who posted me had stalked and made a whole “saga” posting one blog for several days in a row, their first post had incredibly poor censoring which led to another system searching their url and messaging them to let them know anyone that saw the post could find them easily, they responded which led the fdc op whom was stalking their page to post systems2 carrd which contained their system name and can also be easily found.

I then had my down with fdc post reblogged by system2 which led to the fdc op posting me as well.

My point is the fdc poster had been posting several days in a row on system1 blog and the blogs that interacted with it. How anyone sees this as anything but obsessive I don’t know.

Some fdc posters such as the one that posted me also actively seek out and invade safe spaces for systems so that they can post them to be made fun of.

Another issue with fdc is the fact that they do not take take down requests for posts even if a person was to prove their diagnosis I know this because others have asked on the fdc discord. Fdc mods have also banned and muted people for sharing US government articles stating the actual statistics of DID specifically claiming it to be misinformation.

Another reason I have such a strong dislike for fdc is due to the fact that most people that are posted do suffer from mental disorders. Even if they are right and the person posted is faking (which the posters have no way of proving.) purposefully faking a disorder is a disorder called Munchausen syndrome and those suffering from it still deserve kindness respect and treatment.

I understand this response is long and you probably won’t read or that you’ll just screenshot it and put it on fdc so you can get karma but I hope that you’ll actually process what I’ve said.

-V

#system #fdc #down with fdc i say #neurodivergent #seriously this just proves my point that you sought me out just to say something you already said on Reddit #Reddit sucks

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supervillainny · 2 years

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Now I have a diagnosis I feel more confident in making this kind of post. For the record, I have combined type ADHD, I have been diagnosed as an adult, and I have a messy heap of issues and hang-ups and coping strategies propping me up.

In the past two years, though, I’ve been fiercely pursuing a diagnosis, learning everything I can, and watching a load of HowToADHD on YouTube, so here are a few of the ways I’ve made my living environment a little more ADHD friendly.

Note: I share a house, but it belongs to my housemate, and I don’t really have much control over space outside my bedroom so this is limited. 😁

A wall planner! The highlighted bits are the holidays I’ve booked in so far, and stars are birthdays so I can see them coming a MILE away and at some point I might just remember to buy a present. Not pictured: the see through tub under my desk full of Just In Case presents, and the drawer in my chest of drawers full of Just In Case cards. I’m aware of my failings. 😁

A visible clock! Crucially, a visible SILENT clock. I am quite sensitive to sound that I can’t control, and ticking clocks make me slowly ratchet tighter and tighter until I explode. I don’t use this as my main timepiece, that’s obviously my phone, but it’s a good reassurance if my phone is already in my bag and ready to go. I’m horrendous at timekeeping, and as a result I arrive everywhere up to an hour early Just In Case.

A repurposed pencil case for my crochet hooks, scissors and pin cushion, and my pill box! Currently I’m taking antidepressants but I think a lot of it is ADHD self-flagellation, so at some time when the NHS get back to me I’m going to give ADHD meds a try. Either way, the box is essential to keep me on track. (Not just remembering to take them, but remembering if I’ve had today’s dose.) the crochet case is so I don’t lose everything AGAIN. We won’t mention how long it took me to find the pin cushion for this photo. 😅

Lmao this is an excellent photo. For the record - I am not great at remembering that I have things or where they are, so I have sticky labels on my drawers to help me stay organised and use the things I own. I don’t keep clothes in my drawers because I’d spend hours searching them and then leaving clean clothes all over the floor; my drawers are (from the top) toiletries and meds, yarn and embroidery thread (not all of it unfortunately), cards and address book and present wrapping supplies and stamps, and random craft things.

Pinboard of earrings and jewellery! Everything is visible, everything is easily found. I also have two dishes on my chest of drawers to hold stuff I’ve just removed (in like the last… three weeks…) but eventually it’ll all be paired and sorted and not lost or tangled.

Huge wardrobe without doors! I need to see stuff or I lose it. Sometimes I still lose it, even when I see it everyday, but at least I have a vague idea of where it’s likely to be.

Don’t get me wrong, my living space is still a mess, I still regularly lose things and I still have to cease all activity about an hour before an event out of paranoia that I’ll miss it, but at least I’ve got some stuff that helps. 😁

#adhd #actually adhd #adhd advice #things about me

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ladyodaskonpeito · 8 months

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Day 5: Alternate Universe

Fandom: Free!

Pairing: Yamazaki Sousuke x Tachibana Makoto

Wordcount: 853

Day 1 | Day 2 | Day 3 | Day 4

It was a spectacular first birthday at TUH. Sousuke’s new colleagues were amazing people and he couldn’t imagine himself being surrounded by a more uplifting bunch. Or a more chaotic one.

The adrenaline surge in his blood was still going on when he parked his car at his designated spot that evening, all ready to manage an emergency. He frantically rounded the corner in search of Makoto, only to be caught off guard by confetti poppers going off and a loud cheer of Happy Birthday from his wonderful but mischievous teammates.

His heart rate didn’t calm down until he was called in for his shift at seven, and he couldn’t help but be bummed out by missing Makoto who he somehow thought would be showing up at some point. Sousuke was actually starting to get used to his heartbeat quickening at the thought of him, even anticipating the weird symptom at times which became a regular occurrence since the day he met Makoto again.

It was from this point on, though, that he realised it had become a true concern. He had looked forward to coming across Makoto at work the next day, even when he knew what it’d do to his chest. Makoto was in on the surprise the previous evening, after all, so the thrilling thought of seeing him on the job and maybe receiving a happy birthday from him was… starting to worry Sousuke.

So he resorted to his best friend for advice. Rin came in the next day at seven in the morning with zero signs of a hangover from the previous night. Sousuke could only hope the eight-hour rule of ceasing all alcohol before a shift would work just as well for him.

“Rin, have you ever experienced palpitations?”

Rin looked taken aback, cocking an eyebrow at Sousuke. “Yeah, sure. Why?”

“What was your diagnosis?”

“Huh?” Confusion was written all over his face.

Sousuke straightened up. “I’ve been having occasional episodes for a while now and I can’t for the life of me figure out what is it. Do you think I should head over to cardiology for a check-up?”

“Slow down, where’s the rest of your history?” Rin didn’t look too worried, flipping through his hepatology textbook to catch up on what he failed to study the previous night.

“The only concomitant symptom is clammy hands. The triggering factor appears to be—as silly as this sounds—a person.”

Now he had Rin’s full attention. “And do I know this person?”

“You do. It happens to be the nursing manager.”

“Mako-” he almost exclaimed before lowering his volume, quickly overcoming his initial shock, “Makoto?”

Sousuke nodded. “It really is puzzling, isn’t it.”

“It is not,” Rin gulped. “I should have seen it coming, honestly.”

“Do you have a diagnosis already?”

Rin gave him a side-eye, unamused. “Of course I do. I even know the gold standard treatment!”

“What is it? I can’t believe you got it so soon. I revisited all my cardiology lecture notes and still didn’t have a clue.”

“That’s a shame because it’s not cardio in nature.” Rin snapped his textbook shut, scrutinising Sousuke in a way that made him feel self-conscious about not knowing the answer. “Your condition is infatuation, Sousuke. You’re crushing hard!”

Sousuke was speechless for a moment, his mouth hanging open at the conclusion Rin arrived at.

“And I thought I knew you well enough to know your sexuality. Damn it, now it’s Haru’s turn to judge me for being a bad best friend,” said Rin. “Makoto is just the type you’d be into—gentle and caring and all that.”

“So… your idea of a treatment plan would be?”

“To talk to him, idiot. He actually texted me just yesterday to ask about you, I’d say you’ve got a good chance.”

The thought of Makoto asking about him made Sousuke’s mouth go dry. “W-what did you talk to him about?”

“Look at you getting all nervous about it,” Rin guffawed. “Relax, he was wondering if you enjoyed the party we threw, is all.”

“Is all?” Sousuke couldn’t hide the disappointment in his tone.

“Did you expect it to be a conversation where he revealed his secret crush on you?”

“Shut up.”

“I would but I have to apologise first. I told him you’re heterosexual.” Rin shrugged and made a gesture that said ‘You can’t blame me’. “It came up when he asked about Kisumi, who had been trying to bring the two of us together behind our backs. My boyfriend was not thrilled at all when he learned that, apparently. So I told him what I’ve always said to Haru: you’re straight.”

“I-” Sousuke would reprimand Rin for that, except that he had only dated girls in the past and never opened up to anyone about his bisexuality.

Sousuke, having the hots for Makoto? Was that what all these years of dwelling on the past had amounted to?

Sousuke couldn’t say. Not yet, at least.

Not until he came clean to Makoto about the fact that he remembered meeting him as a PT patient seven years ago. And that he was not heterosexual.

To be continued on Day 6

#free! anime #soumako week #soumako #yamazaki sousuke #matsuoka rin #tachibana makoto #my writing

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