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unforth · 1 year

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I've been trying for ages to figure out how to put something into words about The Youth In Fandom and I still don't think I've quite got it but I did reach an insight about it that I think is valuable enough that I'm gonna take a stab at writing it.

For starters, I want to make it clear, there is no "The Youth In Fandom Problem." Based on my efforts running the art sideblogs for danmei fandoms, I can say with a fair degree of confidence that a vast minority of people of all ages are antis, purity wankers, pro-censorship, ageist, etc. Even among people who mark their bios with their age, it's a shockingly low percentage of people under 18 who are being super weird about this stuff, and I think that's something a lot of older folks bemoaning The Younger Generation could stand to know and be reminded of. This isn't a majority, it's just a vocal minority, and tbh...that vocal minority has always been there, at least in my own fandom experiences.

That said, I've personally been the target of "y r u in fandom, old woman? Go take care of your kids!" bullshit, and yes it's definitely real and yes it definitely happens. (I am not old, I am not a woman, I was here before the people who said that to me were born, and I spend all the rest of my time taking care of my kids, so...).

All that introduction is to posit a theory:

The kinds of people who say "you should grow out of it, you're too old for fandom, etc." don't actually really...like what they like.

I know that sounds batshit. They're here blogging about it 24/7, of course they're obsessed! But I really genuinely find myself wondering...like...are they actually obsessed? Or are they just performing obsessed because that's what their peer group is doing? Are they just following along with their friends, mimicking their friends' enthusiasm, going with the flow because they're scared of what will happen if they say "actually I didn't think that show was very good"?

I ended up with this as a theory to posit because is to arrive at "you should grow out of it," you have to start with "I will grow out of it." And to get to "I will grow out of it," you have to start with "I may be into this now but I will definitely Change." And to get to "I will definitely Change," you have to start with the base assumption that loving certain types of media isn't just part of who you are, but rather a temporary persona you've assumed overlaying some deeper Self that will be revealed with time - or that's already been revealed and that you're deliberately masking for whatever reason.

Lemme put it less abstractly (but more longwindedly, lmao).

When I was 16, I was fucking terrified. There were all these things I loved - Star Trek, Hercules and Xena, Babylon 5, Slayers, Evangelion, Fushigi Yuugi, the Wheel of Time, many others - some I'd been into for years, some I'd only just discovered. And I looked at the adults in the world around me, who didn't sleep with stuffed toys, who got into long-term romantic and sexual relationships, who settled into careers that they stuck with for 20, 30, 40 years, who had heaps of responsibilities, and it was so frightening I literally had trouble sleeping at night. My senior year of high school, I trained myself to sleep with a pillow instead of a stuffie because "what would people in college think if they saw me snuggling a stuffed wolf?" That was something I was prepared to sacrifice to be An Adult (tm), something I was (irrationally) ashamed of, something that wasn't so much a part of my personhood that I couldn't give it up. When I left home to go to school at 17, I left my wolf at home. (I brought him with me a year later, and he's now on my bookshelf. Less disposable than 16-year-old me thought, as it turns out, but that's another story.) But there were things about myself I wasn't prepared to sacrifice to fit in during college. I still wore my Star Wars shirt. I still hung my anime posters. I still listened to J Pop. My roommate might judge me. My classmates might judge me. My professors might judge me. I didn't care. Loving those were part of who I was, and I wasn't prepared to give that up.

I found solace by looking at the adults in my life who hadn't had to give up their "childish fancies." I looked at my mother, who introduced me to Star Trek, and thought if she didn't have to stop loving Star Trek to be An Adult, then why should I? I looked at my grandfather, on whose bookshelves I first found the Lord of the Rings, and thought if he didn't have to give up LotR to be An Adult, then why should I? They might not wear fandom shirts, they might not go to conventions, they might not engage in the same way that I did, but they still loved these things, and it gave me hope.

When I was saw adults who still did fan things, who dressed how they wanted, who had cool hair styles or colors, who had tattoos, I thought "wow, what a cool person. I hope I get to grow up to be like them. I hope I'll be that comfortable in my own skin when I'm that age, because I'm sure not that comfortable in my own skin NOW."

I'll have to change in some ways - find A Career, figure out this "attraction" thing everyone keeps fucking talking about, buy a house, all the rest - but I'll be able to love the things I love.

I will still be "me" when I'm an adult, just Me-Plus-More.

I wanted to grow up to be that adult. I was prepared to take figurative arrows, to fight, to slog through, to retain the part of me that felt most valuable - my ability to love the things I loved without apologizing for it. And I knew I could do that, because I already had. Man, the shit people gave me in middle school for being an out-and-proud Trekkie? smh. It was baaaaad.

Time passes. Now I'm 40, and yes, I have changed. I've had more than one career. I got married. I figured out I never did have to figure out that "attraction" shit because I learned asexuality existed and. uh. Oh. I had children. I bought a house.

And I still have a bookcase of manga and I still have a Tumblr blog and I've found new fandoms - many, many new fandoms - nearly all for franchises that didn't even exist when I was 16 and so so scared that I used to literally break down and cry over the prospect of "having" to "give up childish things."

I got myself through on the belief that I'd still be me, and I was right. More than 20 years later, I AM still me.

And that's what leads me back to "why do The Youth think they'll age out of fandom?" And it leads me back to "I can only assume their fandom participation is mostly performative." Because look. This is who I was when I was 10 and read Lord of the Rings, and it was who I was when I was 12 and I started watching Star Trek when Voyager debuted, and it's who I was when I was 17 and I pulled an all-nighter to watch the second season of Fushigi Yuugi, and it's who I was when I was 21 and spent my birthday totally sober and gaming with my friends, and it's who I was at 26 when I got buried up to my eyeballs in Supernatural, and it's who I was at 37 when I watched The Untamed and knew as easy as breathing oh my god I've found the next obsession.

If it's an embraced, realized, adored part of your persona, there's absolutely no reason to think it's going to go away. And there's no reason nor need for it to. There are always gonna be people who judge others for having passions, and there are always gonna be people who embrace others for having passions, and you just gotta identify and avoid the former and find and adore the latter. If you're young, and you love fandom, and you're afraid you, too, will "have to" give up childish things...congratulations! You've got nothing to be afraid of! You never have to change that aspect of yourself!

But...I know these teens on Tumblr who are bullying others already know that because they can see us everywhere. And instead of going, as I did, "oh wow, those older people who still love the things they love are cool! how reassuring! I can be like them!" they think "EW OLD PERSON NOT ALLOWED THIS IS MY ROOM DO NOT ENTER."

And that's weird. When I try to think, "What kind of mentality would lead someone to feel that way, act that way, etc.?" I arrive at: being in fandom is something that they're embarrassed about. Something they're ashamed of, that they think is shameful. Something childish and therefore only for kids, even when the media they're a fan of is entirely made for and by adults. Something they think is made for them in that moment but that they'll be able to easily discard when they move on to more important parts of their lives. Something they know in their heart is transient. Something they're just doing because their friends are doing it.

That's when they'd think "why would an adult still do this?"

When it's something you "know" will be "just a phase," you don it like you don the identity of "high school student," something that'll get shucked a minute after graduation.

And while I found the idea of giving up fandom terrifying, I again can only assume that for these type of person, NOT giving up fandom becomes something terrifying. "Of course this is transient. Of course I'm going to change. I can't wait to change, I hate who I am now! Why did these so-called adults not change? Changing to not like this kind of thing is a sign of Maturity and Adulthood that I am eagerly waiting for, because I believe there's something wrong with being this way, and therefore I assume the adults I see doing this are immature, have something wrong with them, are childish, cannot be Doing Adulthood Right, because they didn't give up the thing."

"I know, in my heart, that I can't WAIT to change, so if they don't want to change, if they haven't changed, something must be wrong with them."

And don't get me wrong, I'm not saying this is the only reason. People are way too complex for there ever to be One Explanation Of All. I'm sure some of the teens who engage in ageist bullying just think they're ~cool~ and ~different~ and their name is Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way. Others are just uncomfortable with adults, with or without cause, and think "you don't belong in the same space as me." Some surely have drank the conservative kool-aid even as they've tried to change and are pantomiming the bullshit they were fed by those around them in new and unpleasant ways. Some think "this media was made for people like me and anyone who isn't like me can't possibly be engaging it in the Correct And Proper Way."

Some will grow out of it - out of fandom, or out of thinking that being an adult in fandom is wrong/bad/inappropriate/immature/whatever.

A few especially unpleasant ones...won't.

Unlike young!me, who looked at fannish grown ups and thought "wow, I could grow up to be like them, they're so cool!", you think "ew, I hope I don't grow up to be like them, they're so weird!"

And if that's you...why are you here?

If you don't actually like who are you when you're in fandom, that's okay. You don't have to stay. If you lose your friends because your interests change, then those friends stink and you didn't need them anyway; people who actually care about you will always keep by your side even if your interests and theirs diverge. But just cause YOU are performing your interest in fandom...doesn't mean the rest of us are. Some of us genuinely like it here. And you might think that's fucked up of us, but it's honestly none of your fucking business. You do what you gotta do to grow up, and leave the rest of us already-grown-ups alone.

And if you do genuinely love it and you're just scared because you think you'll have to change - that you'll reach some mystical age of majority and suddenly wake up a different person...you won't. For better and for worse, you'll still be you, so if there's things about yourself you don't like, it'd be better to start working on unpacking that psychological baggage now, because there's never gonna be a miracle point where you Feel Better And Like An Adult unless you put in the effort to change.

Teenagers...you will not grow up to be a new person. You will never give up who you are. You will grow up to be You-Plus-More.

And if that's something you hear and go "omg that's great news!" then I'm glad to be the one who told you. Take heart. There's hope. You can be you and that WILL be okay. You can face up to and grow from the things about yourself you don't like. You can learn more about yourself. You have time, and you will be able to improve yourself, to become more like the parts of yourself you like and less like the parts you hate.

And if that's something you hear and go "oh god no that's the worst" then you need to stare that reaction in the face and understand that the only way change is coming is if you make it happen for yourself. No one is strong-arming you into being a fan. If it's not for you...then stop. It's literally that easy. But don't take out your uncertainty and fear on other random people who are more comfortable with themselves than you are. Most of us are not here because of fear. We're here in the face of our fear, as a fuck you to our fear, because we also grew up being told we'd have to give up so-called childish things to be An Adult, and it turns out that was a pile of bullshit and we can have careers AND anime posters. And we can afford more anime posters, cause our parents are no longer telling us how to spend our money.

If your participation in fandom is primarily performative...just stop performing. Be yourself, and find your OWN passion, and stop shitting on the people who have managed to be more true to themselves and their own interests. You're not cool and edgy and different; you're just an asshole and a bully, and I pity you.

Anyway as you can tell from this rambly mess of a post, I haven't really gotten my finger on my point yet, but idk. I've been thinking about this and I think there's something there???

#unforth rambles #drama #hopefully now that I've written this I can finally get it out of my head #my posts like this pretty much always flop but that's okay #if it helped me think things out for myself #about why some people are Like That #then its job is done #anyway I wrote this post in between helping my daughter get dressed #and getting my son on the bus #and making tea #and straightening up the living room #and now i gotta start work in three minutes #the big difference between teen me and adult me is that now I have to fit the fanning into these miniscule windows of time #between all the More Important Things That Need Done #it's tiring but it's worth it

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cowboyjen68 · 4 months

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Hi Jen, sorry for dumping a big rant in your askbox but your blog has helped me figure out my identity and I don’t have anyone to talk to about this in real life lol. Feel free to delete if this is too weird.

So I’m a 17 y/o butch, and I have been masculine since I was a little kid. I always felt lucky to have a family that was generally okay with my gender nonconformity. They treated it like a cute quirk of mine, and I never felt like I was being judged or that I should change the way I am around them. My dad got a kick out of it. One summer he let me help him build the deck in our backyard. He always took me to baseball games, he dressed me up in his old clothes, basically treated me like I was his son and I loved it.

I feel like as I get older, my masculinity becomes less acceptable. I went to visit my paternal grandmother for the holidays, hadn’t seen her in a few years, and the first thing she said to me was “I thought you would’ve grown out of all that by now” (in reference to my haircut and outfit, I think.) I just don’t know how to react to the way my extended family treats me now. They used to be totally fine with it, but I spent my entire Christmas feeling like I was being judged for every little thing.

Like, what’s changed? Why is it cute and funny when a little girl wears boy’s clothes and wrestles with her cousins, but disgusting when I grow up and settle into my masculinity?

It’s like I’ve crossed the invisible line between being a tomboy and being a dyke, and now no one wants to entertain it anymore.

Again, sorry for the rant haha, I just feel like I’m going crazy because I tried to talk to my sister about it and she said she didn’t notice them acting any different, but I swear my aunt spent half of our Christmas dinner telling me how pretty I would be if I just wore a bit of makeup lmaoo. I’m just wondering if anyone else has experienced this, because I’m feeling pretty lost right now. Thanks, and happy holidays!

It is not weird at all. I hear that young lesbians, particularly butches, do not have older role models to bounce ideas off of or vent or get any perspective on certain experiences. Moms and Dads and straight sisters and cousins, no matter how well meaning, will just not always "get" what is happening. They say things like "we love you no matter what" and "we don't care if you are a lesbian" and they mean it, mostly. But they often don't see the subtle clues (or blatant ones)they toss around that indicates how uncomfortable they are with you being so visible, but just existing as you naturally are.

AND OH MY GOSH yes I have experienced exactly what you are talking about with the deepening judgement as you move from a cute little Tomboy to an adult butch women. It is almost like they hope to "catch it early" when we are in our teens and redirect us away from the "danger" of being a visible lesbian. And a woman who does not, in very overt ways, conform to their idea of how a woman should be and act.

My dad was relatively consistent in treating me pretty much like he would a son and, to his credit, he did so with my straight sister. We were allowed to do just about anything my older brothers did. In part because my sister was pretty strong willed but also a lot like him. I was less strong willed but she had mowed the path.

Mom was the one who was forever concerned about my looks and behavior, both out of worry I would not fit in, and because she had a certain expectation of how her daughter should grow up. Both normal Mom reactions. She understood bullies and knew that sticking out could be difficult. Her solution was not to strengthen my resilience but to attempt to "tone me down". Her efforts increased as I made the jump from kid to teen and into my late teens. She would discourage me from cutting my hair, becoming almost angry when I brought it up. She would tell me how lovely I was in dresses and skirts and say thing like " a little make up would be nice". It got really old. It lead to us not always getting along even though I loved and respected my mom. She was a great mom. But this one thing made us both crazy. She could not cool it and I could not change who I was.

Friends at school saw hints of my liking girls. I stopped wearing cowboy boots and my favorite horse buckle and it their place went with K Mart Tennis shoes and a generic belt that came with my pants, again, from Kmart. I put away the cowboy fringed shirts and flannel and went with simple jeans and sweatshirts, the acceptable attire for boys and girls in my rural high school. I kept my hair long to disguise my "looking like a boy" traits.

I (barf) agreed to date a boy and spent the better part of that time making excuses to not kiss him or spent time with him. I was starting to listen to mom and do my best to hide ME from the world. Anything (with in reason) to throw the world off the scent, the scent of me being a lesbian. Being butch made that one more step difficult.

It is hard to hide the space we take up naturally.

It might seem hard to see it now by your family is slightly well intentioned, knowing that being "seen" easily as a lesbian can be dangerous. But also, they are uncomfortable with your energy and physical presence because it does not coincide with their ideas of what a woman acts, feels and moves like. This is a THEM problem and I can give you words of comfort based on experience.

The more you begin to be you, and dress in what gives you comfort the more your confidence will grow and be evident. People who are emboldened to try and change you for their own comfort tend to back way off when there is no opening for their opinions. They just sort of realize they are wasting time. AND for those that don't, there are always a few, you don't have to give them any air or acknowledgement. You get to let them waste time and energy while you look great in whatever you wish to wear and however you wish to cut your hair. And in a wonderful turn around, you don't have to spend any effort just being you or trying to defend or correct them.

You are fast approaching adulthood and with that will come even more freedom and independence. Don't rush it but also, work towards that.

#butch #lesbian #family #unwanted opinions of family

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cowgurrrl · 2 months

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Ok I have fluff angst idea…Charlie is pregnant and freaking out about telling Joel because she is kinda young. And Joel is mad, scared, excited , crying and also grandpa Joel?!

Hello why did this make me tear up

April, Come She Will

Pairing: Joel Miller x fem!reader

Author’s note: it’s canon to me that reader and Joel live to be 100 and nothing bad ever happens to them ever again

Summary: The next generation of Millers find their way [3.6k]

Warnings: teen pregnancy (what’s new for this series lmao), arguing, language, call backs

Charlie's been acting weird for the past few weeks. She's been coming in and out of the house at strange times, not showing up for patrol, and giving you vague answers about where she's been. She's nineteen now, so she doesn't necessarily need you and Joel breathing down her neck all the time, but you still like to know where your kid is. She tells you she's been with Ellie or her boyfriend, Eric, which is fine. You like Eric. You just wish she would spend a little more time at home.

Charlie and Eric met on patrol. No matter how much you tried to dissuade her from joining the patrol team, she wouldn't listen. She had watched you guys go out and defend Jackson as she grew up and even talked to Ellie about her adventures outside the walls. She knew how to ride a horse, and Joel taught her how to handle a gun. The intention was never to "train" her for patrol but to be prepared in a worst-case situation where she needed to protect herself but the second she was old enough, she signed up. She got paired with Eric, a sweet boy her age she went to school with, for her first patrol, and that was it. They've been together ever since.

Joel was hesitant when they started dating, but you reminded him she was an adult and could make her own decisions. Eric was somehow more hesitant when Charlie invited him over for a family dinner. Eric grew up hearing stories about your family, and his dad occasionally worked patrol with Joel, but knowing him by proxy is much different than sitting across from him at the dinner table. Joel promised to be on his best behavior, but poor Eric was terrified any time Joel asked him a question. Since then, they've gotten a little closer, but they are by no means buddies. You're a little nicer.

All this runs through your head when Eric trails behind Charlie into the house. It's a Saturday, and you and Joel are off patrol, sitting next to each other on the couch. You were supposed to go see Ellie and Dina, but they rescheduled for next weekend without much explanation as to why. JJ might've gotten in trouble. At seventeen, he has more of Ellie's wild personality than anything else. It's a little fun to watch her try to handle a younger version of herself.

"Hey, can we talk?" Charlie asks, a slight tremble in her voice. You look up from your book, and Joel leans forward to drop his wood carving knife on the coffee table. She and Eric sit across from you, her leg bouncing anxiously when she does, and you glance between them. You're a little confused as to why Eric has to be here for this, but she's clinging to his hand so hard you almost worry she's gonna break it. Worry claws at the back of your throat, but you swallow it down. Whatever it is, you can handle it.

"Sure, bug," you say. "What's up?"

"Um, so there's something I've been meaning to tell you, but I wanted to get some things squared away before I did because I didn't want you guys to freak out or anything. I understand this is a really big deal, but it's under control, and we have a plan." She explains rapidly, and Joel chuckles as he removes his glasses to rub at his eye.

"You ain't pregnant, are you?" He asks, and Charlie is silent. That's when you feel your heart drop to the pit of your stomach. Your mouth goes dry, and you sit up, staring at her like you're waiting for her to say she's joking. "Charlotte," Joel says, his tone even and scarily calm. "You're not. Right?"

"I'm sorry, Daddy," she says, tears shining in her eyes. "But we… we have a plan. We're gonna get set up in a house, and Ellie's gonna lend us some of JJ's old things, and we're gonna pick up some more shifts before the baby comes. It's all gonna be okay."

You can't help but feel like you set her up for failure, not only with your own teen pregnancy but with your inability to keep her safe. In the old days, you might've been able to put her on birth control or give her condoms when she started dating, but those things aren't on the top of the list for what little FEDRA manufacturing is left. The best "safe sex" talk you could have with her is letting her know her options if she did get pregnant or sick. You hated it, but there wasn't much else you could do. And now look where you are.

"Mom, can you please say something?" Charlie begs as Eric rubs her back. You thought you'd be prepared for something like this with your and Joel's (and Ellie's) family life starting earlier than most. Instead, you find yourself, possibly for the first time ever, sympathizing with your mother. You pull yourself together enough to open your mouth.

"You wanna have this baby?" You ask, and she nods.

"We already decided. We're not gonna get married or anything yet, but yeah, we want this baby," she says. Eric doesn't say anything. You figure that's probably smart. It's only a matter of time before Joel freaks the fuck out about the fact that he got your baby girl pregnant. "That's why I went to Ellie's the other day. I was talking to her, Aunt Dina, and Uncle Jesse about when they had Jay." She says. You try not to be offended that she told Ellie before she told you. You told lots of people before you told your mom you were pregnant. Still, you thought you and Charlie were closer than you and your mom were.

You look at Joel, the same panic and anger taking over his features, and take a deep breath. He grinds his teeth as he thinks, and you have to stop yourself from scolding him. When you look back at Charlie, her face is splotchy, and her brown eyes sparkle in the mid-afternoon light. She looks so grown up but so little at the same time. Your eyes slide from hers to Eric's wide ones.

"I'm assuming you know the stories about Jane and her dad?" You ask.

"Yes, ma'am." He croaks, and you nod.

"And I'm assuming you know how Joel and I got to Jackson in the first place?"

"Mom," Charlie starts, but you catch Joel shaking his head at her in your peripheral vision. Eric swallows thickly and nods.

"Yes, ma'am."

"Good," you say. "If I ever hear anything about you not being there for Charlie or that baby, or if you even think about leaving them, I'll fucking kill you." You haven't had to speak this way in years, and it, obviously, rattles both Charlie and Eric. Good. You hope it does rattle him.

"Mom!" Charlie scolds, looking to Joel for help, but it's clear that he has your back with this one. You'll be damned if she ends up a single parent like you two were. She scoffs and stands, pulling Eric up with her. "You don't have to listen to this, Eric."

"Yes, he does." You say.

"Baby, what did you think we were gonna say?" Joel asks.

"That you'd support my decision or, at least, find a way to!"

"Of course, we support you. I just..." Joel trails off. "I just don't think you know what this means. How much this is gonna change your life. And I know you love each other, but havin' a baby ain't an easy thing."

"That's why we're doing it together," she says, her eyes moving from Joel's to yours. "That's why it's fucking crazy to talk to him like that. And unfair. You didn't act this way when Ellie had JJ."

"That's because we didn't need to have this same talk with them. Jesse and Dina had already decided to co-parent Jay. There was no way Dina was gonna be a single mom," you say. "But there were three of them, and it was still hard. You were just a baby when he was born, so you don't remember, but it was a lot."

"So, you don't think I can be a mom?" She asks, and you stand with your hands up in defeat.

"I didn't say that. I just want you to be prepared. I remember what it was like, and I-"

"Just because you were miserable when you had Jane doesn't mean everyone is." It's mean and calculated and hits you right where it hurts. It doesn't matter if it's the hormones or not. The sting of her words renders you silent.

"Don't you speak to your mother that way!" Joel yells. He never yells anymore, especially at Charlie. The scary boom in his voice fills the room, but you catch the glint of tears in his eyes as his breathing stutters. "This ain't just playin' house, Charlie. So, if your mama is a little worried, she's allowed to be. Shit, we're all allowed to lose our fuckin' minds for a minute, but that isn't an excuse to talk bout your family like that." He says, and she taps her shoe on the ground twice, a nervous tick she picked up from Joel.

"I'm sorry, Mom, but I can't just sit here and listen to you threaten Eric like that," she says. You nod but don't apologize. You can't find anything to say. Charlie stares at you like she's waiting for you to lash out or yell at her, but you can't. She wipes a stray tear away furiously and turns away. "I need some air," she mumbles, dragging Eric out of the house before you can even protest. The door slams behind her, and the floorboards she took her first steps on shake with the force. Joel reaches for your hand and pulls you into him. He murmurs soft assurances into your hair, his voice cracking and tears spilling from his eyes as he does, and all you can do is let him hold you.

What the fuck else are you supposed to do?

You wake up in the middle of the night to the sound of the bathroom door in the hall slamming open. You and Joel jolt upright in bed at the sudden sound (old habits die hard, right?), and you sigh as you rub your eyes. You check the alarm clock next to your bed for the time and see it's close to three. The dark mountain town is still asleep outside your window, and you grab a soft flannel from the floor to pull over your shoulders.

You don't remember falling asleep. You were up, waiting for Charlie to come home so you could talk further, but when the front door opened and closed, and she basically sprinted to her room, you couldn't find the energy for another fight. But when you laid down, you couldn't sleep either, your conversation from earlier playing on a loop in your mind. You and Joel just sat there in silence, staring up at the ceiling until your eyelids got too heavy, and you fell into a dreamless sleep. You couldn't have been asleep for over an hour or two when the bathroom door swung open. Joel looks at you, confused when you stand.

"What are you doin'?" He asks, and you wave him off.

"I know why she's up. Just go back to bed." You say without much explanation before padding down the hallway and into the bathroom.

Your footsteps are loud enough on the tile for her to hear you, so she doesn't flinch when you suddenly pull her hair away from her face and hold it out of the way. She glances at you and softens a little before retching into the toilet again. She does that for another minute or two before her stomach is finally empty, and you can safely let go of her hair. She sighs and leans against the wall as you flush the toilet and hand her a towel. You settle across from her, your back pressed against the sink, and rub her leg as she wipes her face.

"Thanks," she mumbles as she tips her head back against the wall. She looks tired and weak. All you want to do is scoop her up in your arms like she's three years old again. "I feel like shit."

"I'm sorry. That's my genetics. I was super sick with you and Jane." Her name rolls off your tongue so fast you almost forget the last time it was invoked. The air stiffens between you, and she shifts uncomfortably.

"How long were you sick for?" She asks softly. You sigh as you track your memory back and try to remember the exact details.

"About six months," you admit, and she groans. You laugh a little at her reaction, but only because you know how frustrating it is. If you could take it from her, you would. When you settle, she stares at you guiltily and starts picking at the nail bed around her thumb like she can't stand the silence. "Where did you guys go?" you ask to put her out of her misery.

"I just… needed to get out of the house. We walked around town for a while before going to his parent's house," she says. "They still don't know. We wanted to tell y'all first." You nod, unable to give words to your gratitude just yet, and she swallows thickly.

"You could've stayed," you whisper. "I wanted you to stay."

"I know," she says. "I'm sorry. For everything." She looks like she could start crying again, so you take a deep breath, scoot over to her, wrap her in your arms, and kiss her temple. You feel her relax into you, and a weight is lifted off your shoulders.

"You know your dad and I worry about you. It's not about you not being capable or not smart enough because you are plenty capable and smart. But we also know that it doesn't matter how prepared you think you are. There's nothing that can prepare you for being a parent, and that's not me trying to scare you. It's just how it is." You explain, and she nods into your neck.

"That's what Ellie said, too." She says.

"Smart kid."

"I feel like I fucked up," she pivots dramatically, but you hold on tightly and wait for her to continue. I'm right here with you, baby girl, you think. "I want to be happy because Eric seems happy, and you're supposed to be happy when you find out you're pregnant, but I'm so fucking scared." She sounds like she's on the brink of tears again, and you shush her. She sighs heavily and wipes at her face as she leans back enough to see you. "Were you scared when you found out you were pregnant?"

"Both times, I was fucking terrified. With you, it came later, though. Even though your dad and I talked about having another kid and how amazing you'd end up being, I remember going into labor and shaking cause of how scared I was." You say, and she nods.

"How did you... know you were supposed to be a mom? She asks. It's a loaded question. How does anyone ever know they're "supposed" to be a parent? You certainly didn't think you were meant for anything that important at sixteen, but you do remember why you made the decision you did.

"I, um…" you trail off, laughing. "I started having these dreams after I found out I was pregnant."

"Dreams?"

"It was pretty much the same thing over and over again for a few months. I would be going through my regular routine, but this… baby was following me around. I couldn't tell if it was a boy or a girl, but I knew it was my baby. And it came with me to school, the grocery store, work, everything, and as time passed in my dream, the bigger the baby got. They'd get more personality or start laughing, or their eyes would change colors, and I'd be so in love with them," You know you sound crazy, but that's because it was crazy. "The first few times, I woke up crying because the baby from my dreams wasn't there. I thought there was nothing worse than waking up in the morning and not having my kid there," you say. The weight of your words catches up with you, and you have to bite your bottom lip to keep from crying. "And I was right." You shake your head and take a deep breath, hyper-aware of her eyes on you.

"I had the same dreams when I got pregnant with you, except they were a little different. In all of them, you were always with Ellie and Dad— every single time. I thought you were gonna grow up and not like me as much or whatever other reason my hormones gave me for the change, but, towards the end, you started showing up alone. You were just this little light. I can't describe it exactly, but everything I did in the dream was a little more magical because you were there. Things were shiny or glittery, and you would just giggle and giggle and giggle," you say, smiling at the memory. You grab her hand and squeeze hard, looking directly into her eyes and fighting more tears. "You turned my world technicolor even before you were born, and I knew I would always do everything I could to protect you. That's why I was so hard on Eric. I know he's a good kid and nothing like Jane's dad was, but I don't want you to end up like me, kid." Charlie squeezes your hand, somehow harder than you squeeze her, and a familiar crease appears between her eyebrows.

"Mommy, if I'm half the woman you are, I'd be so fucking happy. Are you kidding me?" She says.

"Charlotte-"

"I'm serious," she cuts you off, Joel's commanding yet gentle tone seeping into her voice. "Mom, you made my lunch until I was in high school, and even when I asked you to stop, you still had one ready to go just in case I needed it. You used to take JJ and me to the park so Ellie and Aunt Dina could get some sleep, even though everyone knew that meant you didn't get any. You convinced Dad to talk to Eric because you knew I loved him and wanted him to like him..." She slows down a little bit, scanning your face before she continues. "You kept a kid alive during the Outbreak despite everything. You still buy her flowers on her birthday. You tell me about her. You let me know her," you take a shaky breath, and you can't stop the tears anymore. "You're a good mom, and I'm so lucky to have you, and I'm sorry for what I said and for getting pregnant and-"

This time, you stop her by hugging her tight and letting yourself cry. She gets emotional, too, and a very unlucky Joel finds the two of you crying on the bathroom floor in the middle of the night. Like everything, he takes it in stride and joins you two on the floor until the sun breaches over the mountains and a new day shines down.

It's hard to say things got easier after that day. Eric's parents didn't react very positively at first, and it took them most of her pregnancy to come around. Charlie goes through weeks of sickness and bed rest. They argue a lot about the future and what it should look like, but they get there in the end. The next year, the house is filled with a familiar chatter and chaos. Charlie and Eric's twins (which explains why she felt so bad), Elliot "Ellie" Beth, and April Theresa Miller-Donovan, squeal as Joel takes turns dancing with them in the living room.

Elliot is, obviously, named in honor of your Ellie, but she bears Sarah's middle name. April threw you for a loop. The twins were born in snowy January, confusing you as to why they would name her that and not January, but Charlie smiled as she handed April to you. "Jane's birthday is April 7th. I didn't want to steal your name, but I remember you taking me to the meadow to pick flowers for her. April 7th was always my favorite day." She explained, making you choke up. When she told you April's middle name, you and Joel completely lost it. Theresa, for your Tess, the woman who believed so much in Ellie, she forced you to believe in her, too. The woman who saved your life in more ways than one. The woman who would've absolutely adored Charlie if she ever met her.

You love being grandparents again— admittedly, a little older than you were the first time around. Joel teaches the girls Spanish words and lets them pull on his beard. You make extra food so your baby has something to eat after the long days and nights of keeping them alive, and you play silly games with them. They don't look like you or Joel or even Charlie or Eric. They look like their own little people. People who will never know the loss, destruction, and nights spent staring hopelessly at walls you went through. People who will grow up safe and loved and cared for. People who carry names they won't be able to put a face to.

That's okay. They don't need to know about the people you were before you were their grandparents, and maybe it's time for you to try to let that time go. Maybe, in your and Joel's old age, with the deep wrinkles and graying hair, you can just be. Maybe you can just dance in the living room and make warm blankets and fall asleep holding hands. Maybe everything does turn out okay.

#look for the light #thank you for the gorgeous request!!#joel miller x fem!reader #joel miller #joel miller x reader #joel miller x you #joel miller fluff #joel miller angst #joel miller series #joel miller fic #dad!joel miller #the last of us fic #the last of us au #tlou au #joel the last of us #the last of us #pedro pascal cinematic universe #pedro pascal characters

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thisisthinprivilege · 10 months

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How can I overcome internalized fatphobia? How can I not hate what I look like when I'm fat?

This is going to be a different process for everyone, so I'm not sure what will work for you. I will let you know what worked for me, and hopefully you find it helpful.

Deprogramming Step One: Coming to grips with having been programmed in the first place. Beauty standards change from age to age, they are not inborn as far as our research is able to conclude. There's perhaps a weak preference for facial symmetry, but that's about it. Weight-based beauty standards have not only varied wildly through human history, they vary in our very own era, between-cultures. Often what we believe we find beautiful has been programmed into us from a very early age. There's no conspiracy, it's simply how cultural preferences are transmitted within-culture: through the adults we look up to, media, and reinforced by peers. That's not to say deprogramming is a simple matter. It's very difficult. I wonder now, almost 15 years after starting my own journey to deprogram myself, whether who I find beautiful or attractive is rooted in beauty standards I saw reflected as a kid or teen.

Deprogramming Step Two: Define and avoid thin-centric messaging. A big part of this for me was controlling the media I consumed. I unsubscribed to cable, for instance, because of the intrusive and omnipresent weight loss ads. That was 15 years ago, but it's surprising how similar some streaming services/channels are in terms of ad length and intrusiveness these days. Unfortunately, tiktoks/reels aren't entirely controllable. Even though I don't consume weight loss or diet content, weight loss/diet tiktoks/reels pop up occasionally. Besides ads, you should also consider whether your magazines, books, movies, and shows over-focus on the stories of thin people, or demonize fat people. Obviously, stop watching exploitative shows that turn the lives of fat people into sideshows or sob stories. More controversially, you might want to temporarily unsubscribe or mute fat activist content. Fat activism is a highly stressful space where we confront the hatred of fat people explicitly. It's not great for deprogramming thin-centric messaging, because fat activists will be talking about thin-centric messaging from a critical perspective. Take a break, for a while.

Deprogramming Step Three: Exposure to fat-positive content. This is the fun part of the process, where you get a chance to rewrite the aesthetic coding in your brain! I suggest searching out fat models who wear the kind of clothing you like, fat role models who share your interests, fat positive videos showcasing fat people doing amazing things, fat positive art, fat positive fiction and movies, and so on. Fatshion is full of fat positivity. Be wary of "body positive" content, as it can still be subtly or explicitly fatphobic. I warn you, after a few months of exposure to a different aesthetic, thin-centric media is gonna look hella strange. You'll go to see some romcom-flavor-of-the-month movie and be like, "Where are all the fat people? Why is everyone super skinny?"

Deprogramming Step Four: From theory to practice. This step is about starting to wear the clothes you want to wear, being loud and proud to exist as a fat person in public, being romantically bolder if romance is your thing, being more assertive and confident in your body, traveling to the places you've always wanted to go, doing things you were holding back doing before, etc. You may need to dwell in Step Three for a while, or revisit it over and again, in order to complete Step Four. This doesn't mean becoming an activist. This means becoming your authentic self without fat-related qualms. Yes, you will still be constrained by the greater world around you. Traveling, going out to eat, dating, interviewing for jobs, even going to a fucking concert will present constraints and bigotries that smaller people (everything else held equal) don't have to face. But you can now see them as constraints placed on you, not as constraints you place on yourself or that are in any way deserved. Hopefully, you will be able to face them without it destroying your sense of self-worth.

Deprogramming Step Five: The authentic self...? We know that as fat people we are not morally or otherwise inferior to thin(ner) people. So what does it mean to leave our best and most authentic lives, as fat people? This is the human question, that all humans share with each other equally. We are connected to each other, each on our own grand journey to answer this question. When you are able to separate the sociocultural difficulty of being a fat person in a fat-hating society from your own life journey, you have one less barrier to manage in answering the great human question. At this stage, you'll feel calm and comfortable in your body, and surprised when people point out your fatness or treat you differently for it. They're distracted by false moral categories, while you have better things to do. Does anyone ever permanently dwell in this stage? Probably not. But I feel like this most of the time, now. It takes a lot to drag me back into the world where one of the worst things you can call another human is "fatty." I've got books to read and write, math to learn, art to create. A life to live, where my possibilities are not defined by the size of my body.

-ArteToLife

#thin privilege #thin-centric society #deprogramming fat hatred #fat positivity #fat acceptance #fat activism #tips for overcoming fatphobia

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twistedwonderlandsimps · 1 year

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Thoughts on Sibling!Yuu AU

The main reason I made the Sibling!Yuu AU was because I wanted to see Yuu being the older one for once. In most fandoms, it’s pretty common to see a younger sibling reader fic so I wanted to flip that trope for once. It’s also quite rare for the reader to be older than a teen or an adult. The second reason was the massive angst potential it held. That’s right, Yuu overblot was imminent from the very start in this one because honestly the probability of the overblot boys overblotting much earlier because of Yuu is very high and is extremely likely. Them blaming Yuu for some of the things happening in their life is also very likely.

Sibling!Yuu has everything the overblot boys want to have and those with their inferiority complex would just make it worse.

For example with Riddle. Would he blame Yuu for running away from their mother, which in turn made their mother stricter with Riddle so that he wouldn’t end up like Yuu? Would he resent this fact? He’d likely have a negative initial impression of them because they ran from their own mother and Riddle at an early time still thinks that their mother is always right and that means what Yuu did was wrong. Anything or anyone that opposes their mother is wrong. Anyone who opposes the things their mother taught him was wrong. Anyone who opposes him is always wrong. Though, a deep part of him is envious that Yuu got to be free. Whether Riddle blames Yuu or not, Yuu will think that it’s their fault.

Even if he doesn’t say it out loud, Leona would feel irritated every time he sees Yuu telling him what to do and what not to do so he doesn’t end up like them. Their constant presence keeps reminding him that the only reason he couldn’t become king was because he wasn’t born earlier and Yuu got a taste of that crown, even if they did get kicked out of the family in the end.

Yuu’s constant interference with dealing with Azul’s bullies when they were younger only made the bullies bolder and meaner the moment Yuu went away so there’s that possibility of some kind of blaming in that one, just like in Riddle’s situation.

As for Jamil's situation, although not Jamil's sibling, Yuu's still part of the Asim family and Jamil technically has a resentment for them because of, well, everything. He was forced to downplay his abilities and be responsible for Kalim, and he has no choice but to serve the Asim family. Kalim himself might not have a problem with Yuu, but Jamil sure does because there’s another person from the Asim family. Another person he has to be responsible for because they seem to be just as careless and reckless as Kalim, even if Yuu is technically older. (Someone stop me, please, I am becoming feral. I can’t stop thinking of Jamil getting a huge crush on this Yuu for some reason and I am internally screaming. He really gonna do the enemies to lovers arc after his overblot, or even before that, and I just can’t. He really said: ‘If I can’t get out of this family, I’m just gonna have to marry into it.’)

Then we have Vil. Yuu would definitely be a big contender for the most beautiful one of all and Vil is not happy. Now that he’s realized that he actually had a sibling, he has to compete with them to be the most beautiful. And he just can’t understand why he’s losing to a sudden sibling he hasn’t even met until now! What was so different between the two of them? Yuu wasn’t even that active in social media before but now that they were staying in NRC for some reason (for plot reasons), people were now beginning to constantly compare the two of them and it’s driving Vil insane.

As for Idia, after seeing the reason why Ortho got diagnosed with the dead, there’s also some blaming there. Yuu’s supposed to be one running the S.T.Y.X organization but both Idia and Ortho (the og) got inside and managed to hack the system. This’ll definitely raise the question of why the two were allowed entry easily when there were dangerous things locked inside the place and why Yuu wasn’t keeping a closer eye to them when they were in the facility that led to the accident.

I might also have to retcon the previous Idia!Yuu's background to fit with Shroud brother’s story. So now the idea that I have is that Yuu was present for the brother’s childhood growing up (kind of) but they didn’t have a close relationship and it was very distant. The Shroud brothers probably don’t remember Yuu, either. They probably thought Yuu was just an employee in S.T.Y.X. and not their sibling. Still, Yuu cared for them so much that when the incident happened, they were overwhelmed with grief and willingly locked themselves away because they fully blamed themselves for what had happened. The only reason they broke out of their self-imposed prison and landed themself in NRC was because they heard Grim talking about Ortho as if he was alive and wanted to see what was up with that. Yuu doesn’t want to show their face to their younger brothers because they’re ashamed and feel like they don’t deserve it.

Then we have Malleus. I don’t know if he’s the jealous type or not, but seeing your older sibling be more sociable than you (somehow, even when they act like a kuudere) and getting more friends than you despite the fact that they’re the older Draconia sibling while Malleus himself was avoided and have had people fear him would be kinda frustrating. It’s another case of ‘what do you have that I don’t?’ thing. Or maybe the others are taking Yuu’s time away and they barely hang out with Malleus and he finds this unfair because Yuu’s their sibling so why is everyone taking them away? Why isn’t Yuu hanging out with them?

Additionally, we can’t forget the fact that Yuu literally go against the boys. There’s bound to be some feelings of betrayal there. Kinda like a. “We’re family and you’re taking their side?! Why are you abandoning me for them?!”

–

[Bonus]

Yuu Rosehearts: “I wish I had been strong like you….”

Yuu Kingscholar: “Don’t make the same mistakes as I did and be better than me.”

Yuu Ashengrotto: “Was all of this… my fault…?”

Yuu Schoenheit: “Because to me… you’re always my number one!”

Yuu Shroud: “All I ever wanted in my life was to protect you...”

Yuu Draconia: “I had to leave you to keep you safe!”

Yuu (Al-)Asim: “…”

Yuu (Al-)Asim: “I have no idea what I’m doing here but I think they need therapy.”

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officialgleamstar · 6 months

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okay, here's a long post talking about my thoughts on dungeons and daddies, s2ep45, hell or high father. obvious spoiler warning, im gonna be talking about the events of the episode, but this is going to be more outside the fourth wall focused/thinking about what the pacing says about the narrative, rather than actually talking about what happened in this episode!! also ive only listened to the episode once so if i missed anything, feel free to say so

to start immediately: i loved this episode, but i was also disappointed that ron, terry, and scary didn't get a full episode. but i was thinking about why that would be the case, and that lead me to the two reasons im speculating:

Beth felt that Scary's arc didn't necessitate a big ending and that it came to a clean closing with that scene

This episode shows the narrative divide between the Stampler family and the Close family

the first reason is mostly a timing thing. they included taylor in this episode as well because scary's conclusion didn't need the full run time, or maybe even lincoln's episode was longer than they wanted it to be and scary was supposed to be in that arc as well. the pacing was just a result of the past few episodes: scary has already confronted that she regrets how she treated terry, we've seen that a million times. ever since his death, she's confronted that fact again and again, and i think it makes sense that this episode would resolve that in a much quieter way than it could've. the stamplers have always been the family to resolve things 'the right way' - they show up for each other, they love each other unconditionally, they finish their arcs by holding one another in forgiveness. even if i wouldve loved a longer memory (though holy shit, WE SAW THE BETRAYAL ON SCREEN-- sorry not the point of this post), and i really hope we get some more with them in upcoming episodes, i did like how it was so sweetly resolved!!

and that sweetness leads into the bulk of my thoughts here: scary and taylor shared an episode because of how differently their memories went.

as soon as nicky went "i have a memory you weren't around for", i knew we were in for a fucking ROLLERCOASTER, and holy shit. the entire played out montage of glenn failing to be there for nicky, failing to be there for taylor, and in turn, taylor finally tells nicky to his face that he wasn't there for taylor either. taylor's fixation on the idea of redoing it all with time travel, because there is no other way, in his mind, to solve the rift in their relationship. "there's no fixing this." there's too much baggage, there's too much thats already been fucked up, and theres no way for them to come back from that. nicky is a grown adult. taylor is already in his teen years. they can form a relationship with their dad now, but no matter how well that goes, its never going to fix the childhood behind them that was already ruined. they do love each other, they're friends, but being friends doesnt equal a true good relationship. being friends doesnt mean you succeeded in parenting.

and now we contrast that with the stamplers. both terry junior and scary go into their relationship with their stepdads seeing him as an inferior replacement, as someone who could never truly be their dad. terry junior loved his biological dad, is literally named after him. scary's dad was so absent in her life that she doesnt know how to handle someone actually being there. they both refuse to take the replacement, until eventually, they learn that their stepdad's strength is that hes a new man. not a replacement, but his own full person, a person who loves them. ron put his life on the line for terry, time and time again, because he didnt want to be his own dad. terry showed up to all of scarys soccer matches, even when she refused to even acknowledge him, because he didnt want to be her bio dad. "you showed up." even though terry's memory is literally him using ron, it ends with ron forgiving him without a second thought. when scary apologizes to terry, terry takes her into his arms with a moment's hesitation.

the stamplers have a happy ending because even with how badly they've fucked up, they always showed up for their kids. the closes don't have a happy ending because they weren't in their kids' lives and they think being friends now fixes that. and that's why scary and taylor shared their episode, really. because it drives home the crucial difference between the two families

#dungeons and daddies #dndads #dndads spoilers #mine #in conclusion: STREAM CHILD SUPPORT BY WOZ 💥‼️ <- sorry this is like the fourth time ive made that joke

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joshslater · 2 years

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A Star is Born

Similar stories and bonus material on my Patreon.

"It's not just porn. The adult industry is much more than that. Unlike Hollywood there is room for more narrow interests, and more diversity in actors. Obviously the revenue per title is smaller, but the production overhead is too, so you could still get some decent cash."

I had changed to my sincere voice, somewhat undercut by the venue and the thumping music in the nightclub, but otherwise I had stacked everything I could against him.

"I don't know, man." He was still unconvinced, but I knew now it was self-doubt, not stigma that held him back. He didn't think he had neither the looks nor the body.

"You're exactly what I need. You don't even have to be naked. $200 for a few minutes of dry humping. Then we can see what the response is."

He sat silent, nodding slightly to the music and making up his mind. "What would your mates say?" I asked, already knowing the answer. In his friend circle he would move up in rank, being seen as desirable and virile.

"Ok, I'll do it."

The first shoot I keep very much on his terms. We have a large couple of warehouses in the old paint factory that closed where we can fit a lot of different sets, though you can't use two sets near each other due to the noise. I made sure the studio was empty by the time he arrived to avoid any second thoughts. I let him use his own clothes for the same reason. We go to the "boy room" set and I hand him a baseball bat. "Just walk in through the door, pick up the bat, put it between your legs, and grind on it for a bit. Just pretend it's the best fucking experience you've ever had."

I take the camera and he awkwardly follows my instructions. It's very stiff up until the bat is between his legs, when suddenly his whole performance changes. He slowly teases the bat in and out, polishes the base of the handle with one hand, keeps the bat in place with both legs and moves his hands like his jacking off a huge wooden dick, rhythmically buckles his whole body while riding that bat, in and out, while his ever louder moans turn into an uncontrolled scream of pleasure as he comes in his jeans.

He's trapped.

He's looking confused, shocked almost, as I wrap up the shoot. He's barely listening to what I tell him about publishing dates and payment details, as he is walking behind me toward the exit with a dazed look on his face. He just can't believe what he had just done. Not the recording of erotic content for the internet, well only partially, but mostly that he would be so good at it. He'd bragged of course to his group of mates what a stud he was, like they all did, but any of the girls he'd slept with would rate him "fine" at best, and he knew that. But here he had been like possessed by a gogo dancer.

There isn't any visible cum stain on his jeans yet when I take the bat from him and tell him goodbye. It will probably not soak through at all, but it will be on his mind all the way home. There will be a lingering feeling of unease, pride, confusion, and horniness that he can't shake over the following days. He'll have boners more often than even as a teen, and jack off multiple times a day. Every time with a big release and trembling orgasm. He might hook up with some of the girls he knows to relieve his constant horniness, and find that he is a much better lover than he used to be, but can't last very long. Most importantly it will only give him a very short-lived relief.

By the time I call him a week or so later he's desperate to film. I ask him to come in later that afternoon, making him disrupt whatever else he has already planned. He shows up right on time though, slightly out of breath, and with a visible bulge in his jeans. This time there are a few people around in the studio. A painter is finishing up the new frat room set, dirtying the area around a light switch with a paint-dipped sponge as we walk by. Once we carefully pass by the "boy room" set a pair of twinks are fucking on the bed surrounded by a cameraman, a boom boy, and the director. He's torn between his old impulse to look away in modesty and his new one to see as much as possible. He doesn't slow down, but he is taking in everything.

I lead him to our private gym. It doubles as a movie set, but all the equipment there is legit and used by all the talent in between shoots. "The guy on top is Xander XeXy," I tell him.

"What?" He looks confused.

"The guy you watched in the room I filmed you in. He's been trending a lot." I can see reality intruding. He realizes this is a business with porn actors doing porny things, seen by the public. "Oh. OK."

He doesn't follow up so I move on to our business at hand. I hand him his next outfit, a maroon sweatshirt, grey gym shorts, white crew socks, and a pair of Nike sneakers with orange details. No underwear. The sweatshirt has a yellow sigil printed on the front looking like any college emblem, unless you read the "Professional Porn Actor" around the rim of the sigil. At first he looks a bit lost, like he's wondering where he'd change outfit, until he realizes we just walked past two naked men fucking.

He gets naked and his dick stands attention as soon as it's out of his briefs. He doesn't look at me, awkward about being alone with a man, naked and with a boner, for the first time in his life. The moment he lets go of the grey sweatpant shorts, the tent his erect dick made collapses and the dick hangs down one of the shorts legs. It's the same size as when it was erect though.

I pick up the camera and start shooting, directing him to get onto the treadmill and start running. His sloppy dick isn't really visible through the thick shorts fabric, but you can see from the movement that it's swinging inside. After that warmup I continue to direct him on what equipment to use, what exercises to do, and with what configuration. Light weights, many repetitions. I however ask him to repeat the sets several times to give me multiple camera angles to cut between. At least that's what I tell him. Then when he is all damp and flush after the thorough session I tell him to start over from the beginning and do all of them once more. This is the only usable footage, because otherwise it would be obvious how much he's changed in just two hours.

He looks about the same on the treadmill, though way more athletic, an inch wider shoulders and a few inches shorter, with his dick flopping around. Then it starts getting interesting. During squats we can see a tent forming, and by the time we're recording bench presses there is a very noticeable straining of fabric going on. Much bigger than was going on before, though perhaps unsurprising given the size of his now much larger flaccid dick.

We move to the locker room set and I have him stretch a bit, feeling himself up after the workout, before sitting down and cool for a bit. Then on the bench he starts to tease out his rock-hard dick from his shorts. He takes the balls out too and just stares at them for a bit. I'm still recording of course, but I haven't told him to do this. He doesn't know why he did it. "It's what would happen in a porno, and we're recording one," is how he rationalizes it for himself. At the same time he wonders why he did it unprompted. Deeper yet he is confused about how his dick is suddenly way larger than when he stepped out of his jeans just hours ago.

He grabs it, leans back against the lockers, and begins to stroke himself. It is already slippery from sweat and pre, and makes a wet noise as he lets his hand move up and down the shaft. As the shoot before he begins to moan loudly, and goes on for a good 5 minutes until he erupts in shot after shot of cum landing on his sweatshirt and his shorts. As before he is looking shocked and confused as I wrap up the shoot and he finds himself on a porn set, drenched in sweat, and with several ropes of cum on his clothes.

He slowly puts his deflating dick back into the shorts while I come to the rescue with a towel to clean up the worst of the cum. I tell him it was great, that he's a real natural, while I nudge him to his feet and walk him back out through the studio. I tell him he should consider doing workouts regularly. That he looked great doing them here and people would love watching him doing more. He's still in that post-orgasm glow, but nods politely while looking at the now empty sets to see if he can get another glimpse of any action. At the entrance I hand him a promo card for the Xander XeXy series and thank him once again. He's well out the door before he'll starts to wonder what happened to his old clothes, deciding to pick them up another time.

He'll be hard again before he gets home, and he'll be self-conscious about the big dick being hard to miss as it moves around unrestrained, bouncing against the fabric of the shorts. Then he'll have a few days of uncomfortable discoveries. He's just as horny as before, but instead of constantly orgasming and getting hard again he's lasting much, much longer. He's not interested in getting together with any of the girls he has on speed dial to ease hard dick issues though. Nor does his usual porn appeal to him. Instead he's just lying in bed, pumping himself for an hour or two until he explodes in loud orgasms. Maybe an hour later he starts firming up again.

He's giving excuses to avoid meeting any of his group of friends. The shirts don't fit his broader shoulders anymore and his trousers either don't fit at all, or show a big dick outline. When he does show up for a night out he finds himself distracted, like nothing he used to like about going out interests him anymore. He's introduced to a new girl. "He records some adult videos," his mate says with a wink. "I can see why," she responds, staring at your groin and licking her lips. She just looks so boring to him. It's getting more and more difficult for him to orgasm and he doesn't even see the point of having sex. He feels like a soda bottle, and masturbating or sex is just someone shaking it without opening it.

He's getting a pair of compression shorts to wear under his gym shorts, and a membership to the cheapest gym within reasonable distance. Something about looking great and others watching got stuck in his head. He's following the same routine as in the shoot, and really putting in an effort. To his surprise he can see some of the other men glancing his way. He likes it. If only they knew how hard he was while they were watching him, he's thinking. Perhaps they too were hard watching him. Suddenly his fantasy is pushing him to the edge and he is overcome with the desire to finish. He runs to the locker room and find the most private place he can, though nothing is truly private there, and starts working his big dick. It's not unlike the latest scene he recorded, but this time there are people within earshot hearing him moan. He's sure of it. His cum explosion is more under his control this time, so he doesn't look unreasonably untidy, at least not given his previous hard workout. Hardly any visible stains that can't be explained as sweat.

The few people in the locker room behaves as if they didn't hear anything, but he knows they would have to. He blushes as he rushes out and jogs back home, his mind again a jumble of emotions. Back home he strips naked, puts on the "Professional Porn Actor" sweatshirt, loads the Xander XeXy video from the business card URL, and coming again several times over the next few hours.

By the time I call him next time he's into a routine. Workout at the gym every day, a run home, and an hour or two of wanking to Xander videos. It takes longer and longer for him to get off. Physically he's changed further. Dropped perhaps another inch, massively improved muscle definition, and a whole lot of extra chest muscles. Most of all though his body fat has continued to climb down, making his face look much younger and leaner. His friends have mostly given up on him, or at least decided to come back later when he isn't so occupied with his latest obsession.

I call him in the middle of wanking, asking him if he wants a supporting role for the next Xander video. I can almost hear his precum drooling. I tell him that it's a bit of a bad boy on bad boy, so he needs to be outfitted properly. Nothing permanent of course, but it would fit the scene if he got some piercings. Doesn't have to be anything crazy, but perhaps a ring in each ear and studs through the nipples. I could of course just do it myself, but I want him to find a place, book a time, feel the procedure, and then anticipate the shoot for a few days.

He shows up on time, hard and horny. He hasn't been able to come for the past few days. He's wearing his new golden earrings, the porn actor sweatshirt, but compression shorts and blue jeans. Xander is already there, shaking his hand and greeting him by name. It always makes such a big impact when the guy you've been masturbating to for two weeks is just as stunning in real life, and knows your name. I quickly move along to our garage set, with a shutter door to the outside, to snap him out of his daze a bit. Partly to be professional, but party to not make him too comfortable with Xander yet. Just before the garage I have them strip and put on the dirt bike kit I've laid out for them. Thick polyester pants, slinky polyester shirts, boots, gloves, helmets, and goggles. All of it Fox Racing branded.

The glossy material of the shirt hangs off of his sizable chest and you can see a hint of the piercings through the material in certain poses, but his focus on the upper pec muscles makes the nipples point slightly out and down. I've told Xander to keep it cool initially, so there's no talking between them. For this shoot I've also gotten a boom boy and a cameraman, so I'm free to only direct.

First I have them mount the dirt bikes, some cheap 125cc ones we got that look aggressive with lots of open space, black mechanical parts, and the rest in striking green for one and blue for the other. Then they ride out a bit, turn around, and we start rolling. They ride into the garage, kill the motors, and dismount. Then they do a bit of teasing each other, while they remove more and more gear. Googles, gloves, helmet, shirt.

He's too into looking Xander's naked chest up and down to notice he is hairless and bronzed. They play a bit until Xander pushes him onto the flatbed with rugs and crap on it. I cut and before we continue with the sex part we need to set up the fixed cameras we cut between. With Xander on break and the rest of the crew rigging I walk up to him and tell him he was great. Then I push him every so slightly on the abdomen and a small amount of oil leaks out of his pores, covering him with a glistening sheen that makes the muscles pop in the light. It'll lock him into that greasy twink look we've been looking for.

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stestir · 26 days

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Heres my rant about Amethio age discussion and why I think the age range excuse is stupid. I should probably keep this out of the main tag, but I'm tired, sick, and angry, so idc.

Big really angry rant under the line.

So please can anyone explain to me why everyone thought that VAs comment about Amethio being a teen means hes between 13-19 and also 100% CAN be a 19 years old?

Cause English says that a teen is between 13 and 19? Well we all know that English has a lot of stupid stuff in it, so doesnt really count. Plus, quick reminder, this is anime. Japan. The meaning behind teenager could be very different here.

The difference between 13 and 19 years old is so contrast that giving Amethio this range in the first place is moronic. A 13 years old still needs to ask their daddy to go out with their friends. 19 years old already expected to pay taxes, move out of the house, is probably already on a antidepressants.

And the thing is, Amethio doesnt even act like a 19 years old! He acts like a 14 years old emo that tries his very best to look serious and is desperate for attention.

The whole his beef with Friede is a big ass example of this, that Anime just shoves into your face! Amethio becames irrated immediately after Friede stops giving attention to him, everything in his actions screams "Take me seriously!" He wants to be seen as a professional serious trainer by someone who has authority [ Friede ] and is hurt when it doesnt happen. Its literally how neglected children act.

Also the whole excuse with "B-but hes working with Explorers and has his own subordinates that he commands" GUESS WHO ALSO A MINOR BUT IS A BOSS OF A SHIP? ZUKO. The literal icon of redemption arcs. He also was casted away in the age of 13 and had a whole small army under his command. Does that make him an adult? NO. Both Amethio and Zuko are clearly special, thats why they both are forced into a weapon by their respective parential abusers [ Ozai / Gibeon ], and given some special privileges to make it seem that thse abusers love them, when in fact they are just using them.

He doesnt look like a 19 years old either! His body type barely resembles one of Friede or Spinel, both being a clear cut adults. And before someone says "Well I think that Friede looks 20 and that Amethio is just a really twigy guy" no hes bloody not! Reminder, this is pokemon, we have Lusamine and Cyrus that look like 20 and 40, but actually the opposite. And the thing is, Amethio closely resembles Silver with his body! Whos, yk, A CANONICAL 13 YEARS OLD.

What is more hysterical to me is when the Interviews AND Anime itself start to make parallels between Amethio and the kid Trio, whos, yk, OBVIOUSLY KIDS. Like- in both interviews before the big arcs the boy was compared to Liko & Roy [ And Dot, by extension. ] Amethio was literally called a kid alongside the kid Trio, [ One of the kids that still havent found their dream ] which not only makes him a minor, but also puts him the same age group with Liko, Roy and Dot!

And Anime situation is even more comedic. Khem khem. Literally an episode that got out not so long ago, 44. Amethio is called a spoiled brat by Sango [ Which already makes him a kid, but alas ]. Guess who was also called a spoiled kid? LIKO. BY MOLLIE IN THE ABROLIVA EPISODE. Liko, whos canonically we seen as a child child in the episode 18, was called the same thing as Amethio. I get that Anime tries to make parallels between them in general, but that doesnt matter to me now. The most important thing is - they are both viewed as a kids. Yk. MINORS.

Ending this, I'll say - Amethio is a barely 14, maybe at maximum 15, and he is sure is not a 19 years old. I'm sure hes in the same age bracket as Liko, Roy and Dot.

Also AmeFriede is the worst ship that deserves its own place in hell, alongside AmeSpinel. I hate both of these. They are bad from all perspectives.

[ Also, this is the angriest I felt lately, so I wont probably post any other rants like that. This is just me being beaten down by flu and projecting my anger towards this shitty and stupid "discussion". ]

#pokemon horizons #amethio #my insomniac rambles #My rants #Also this isnt targeted at anyone - this is just me being really fucking angry and ranting into the air

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discobiscotto · 3 months

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Just Guys Bein’ Dudes: A Needlessly Huge TED-Talk About Luca & Alberto’s Relationship

Ready for some big-brain BS?

Well, ready or not, here’s a “little” dive into how I interpret/perceive Luca and Alberto’s relationship.

Note: I’m referring to them as my own headcanon versions of them as men. It can certainly be applied to them as young adults and teens for sure, but I’m diving into ‘Ciao Luca’ territory specifically. So, there, just being clear on the who’s who.

What’s their deal anyhow?

Are they romantic partners? Are they attracted to eachother, yanno 👉🏻👈🏻? Buddies? Buddies with benefits? Are they even a couple? Are they husbands? What’s their deal?

So, a couple years ago when I was starting to get really busy with the headcanons, I went on a tear about their relationship to lay down some kind of clear foundation for it. I felt alittle conflicted at the time about how their relationship was going to feel/act like.

To me, because I love ambiguity, I wanted to keep that energy going from the original source material…but with alittle “oomph”…considering there’s been time and maturity tacked on. They can’t just be Pallin’ Around forever, something’s gotta give with chemistry that strong imo.

If I’m being honest, them being point-blank romantic partners felt too cliched and predictable/boring. Courtship, wooing, marriage…snore. It just didn’t feel like ‘them’ to me. It bordered heteronormative somehow. I was just …PUTTING MYSELF TO SLEEP.

Not to say they aren’t romantic, because they certainly are in their own right! It just isn’t the defining Vibe of their relationship.

As a queer lady with a pretty open mind in terms of what defines a relationship and/or bond, I believe that love expression is on a spectrum. Different strokes for different folks, yanno?

I scooted myself over to that old filing cabinet in my brain with random Greek Philosophy tid-bits (that I was impressed wasn’t put thru the incinerator) and I got polishing.

I remembered a few terms, like storge (family love), Eros: romantic, mania: obsessive/stalkerish love, agape, philia, the list goes on.

We’re gonna focus on PHILIA, typically deemed affectionate and/or “brotherly love”, I think also falls under platonic love.

We’re going to come back to this later☝🏻☝🏻☝🏻☝🏻☝🏻☝🏻☝🏻☝🏻

As a couple of seamonsters (first and foremost) the human concept of love may not necessarily compute to them. Not that they get confused or turn their nose up at it, but rather it’s more boxed-in and rigid than, I guess, fish love? Haha.

Example: homosexuality, bisexuality, and heterosexuality as concepts are human inventions to help humans navigate their life and their identity in the world, be part of a tribe, and potentially find mates.

They’re social constructs, like gender conformity, and Mondays.

Seamonsters really don’t have that. They’re similar to humans in alot of ways, but in terms of attraction, love, and social awareness, they just kindof ride the wave and go where the current takes them.

Opposite sex pairings likely happen more often because [gestures] instincts and Makin’ Fries. But just like humans, same sex relationships happen just as much!…but seamonsters have no concept of homophobia (strictly a human invention) so there’s no discouragement or imposed fear of the relationship…it just happens if it’s meant to and the world keeps spinning. [deep sighs]

Luca and Alberto are aware of human society and customs (especially now that they’ve been living amongst them for atleast 15 years). So, they still try to do-as-the-humans-do sometimes. They know that they feel a strong bond to eachother that can’t be ignored, and when humans sense a similar bond between each other they express it by being physically intimate, or giving gifts, or creating things for eachother, etc.

So, basically, it boils down to “I love my friend, so I wish to express that love for him like that [gesture].”

Now bringing it back to Philia up there!👆🏻

That particular source defines philia as brotherly love, both must be men (in the Greek system), they respect and take pleasure in eachother’s company, bond through exploring philosophical truths, and sexual intimacy or attraction is optional.

This other source takes it a bit further saying that we could be diving into “friends to lovers” territory which is the aforementioned “oomph” I was referring to. The bridge into Eros stuff without being completely rooted there (ie your usual romantic pair).

Their relationship isn’t based on physical attraction, but began as a close friendship that progressed into something more. Not built on lust, but on mutual affection and respect for eachother.

They are an “unlikely” pair. Where a hockey hug became alittle tighter, and the joined hands in a good old “Piacere Girolamo Trombetta” started to linger.

They feel safe with eachother, they love and prefer eachother’s company, they share eachother’s worlds and feel deeply connected in them. Alberto cooks meals for them because he loves Luca, and Luca gives Alberto [SPOILER] because he loves him back.

They share a “I can’t quite put my finger on it but I feel safe, warm, and happy with you, I enjoy your company and what we have, I love the feeling of you being close to me, exchanging warmth and heartbeats, and I feel like this is more than going out on dates or ‘picking out curtains’.” kind of thing.

They’re roommates who kiss and “play house”. They are in love…but express it in their own unique way. They are openly affectionate. They keep people guessing, they confuse the neighbors, they have an “inside joke”.

Alberto lays on the housewife schtick: straightening Luca’s tie and sending him on his way with a packed lunch.

They call eachother heteronormative terms of endearment, mostly to be cheeky. Sarcastic “Honey” or “Dear” followed by someone affectionately ending up in a headlock.

They love to play with the human version of “married life”, little do they realize they’ve grown genuinely accustomed to it.

They’re queer but have no name and nowhere they’d rather be except each other’s arms (that one place that makes perfect sense).

They aren’t married…they never can get married…but that doesn’t stop them from sharing their homes, their beds, and a last name written on their Christmas cards.

In conclusion, humans say they’re gay.

The Paguro’s say “They built a farm together.”

SOURCES:

#luca #luberto #luca1970s #discobiscotto design notes #greek philosophy #headcanon #ciaolucafic #i want what these bitches have #ciaoluca #ciao luca #older!alberto #i want what they have #older!luca #old lady yells at cloud #I want what they have and so do you

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mayfast · 9 days

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Chapter 3 WIP (Unbetaed)

Crumbs for the the TigerSeal and SeaMonkey fans. So if you've been wondering where I've been, I got diagnosed with epilepsy. So I got put on some meds that make me hella tired. Like all the time. I would sleep 15 hours a day if you let me. So it's been a struggle to get this next chapter up and rolling. But I'm close to finishing it. Afterwards I'll send it to my Beta (I feel so cool saying that), then I'll get it all posted on AO3, God bless that site.

Enjoy~

__________________________

“Jake Sully,” Somehow, he’s been expecting this all night. But he still wishes he could have another day to mentally prepare himself. He throws a casual look over his shoulder to spot Ao’nung behind him, glancing at him almost shyly.

“Yes?” He sighs. He doesn’t want to give him the wrong impression, he’s started liking Ao’nung more. After he got over the Metkayina calling his daughter a freak, picking a fight with his kids, and almost killing Lo’ak. But hey, everyone makes mistakes, right?

“I want to court Spider.” He’s blunt and staring Jake in the eyes. Almost like it’s a challenge, like he’s ready to fight. Jake can almost appreciate the little spitfire, but after the tongue lashing from Norm and Max earlier…he’s caught between a rock and a hard place.

“Yeah?” He acknowledged with some gravel in his voice.

“…Yes.” The other held some confusion in his eyes. His blue eyes wandering over Jake’s slumped form, trying to get a read on him. “I don’t know what I’m doing though.” This draws a snort out of him. Took a big man to admit when he’s lost. Maybe Ao’nung is maturing.

“How so?” He raised an eyebrow and patted the ground beside. He had decided to take a little detour back to the center beach, where the adults are still celebrating, after laying Tuk down for bed. He was going to send Spider, Kiri and Lo’ak to sleep when he got back, but he wanted to give them a little more time with their friends. Now the current bane of his existent came and found him.

The younger man sat down on the beach as Jake observed the sky. “I… I don’t … There’s a lot.” Ao’nung breathed after a moment. His shoulders slumping, mirroring Jake’s posture.

“Well, find your first question.” He laughed, turning to watch Ao’nung roll his eyes, tail twitching as he digs his fingers through the sand.

“Is Spider old enough to be courted?” He questions after a moment. His gaze fixated on the sand below him and his ears are pinned back, distraught. Jake can almost feel pain. Dating someone younger than you can be a risky game, especially when they’re a different species with different aging practices.

“Dating.” Jake corrects him and looks up at the sky again. Finding the star that supposedly his first home orbits around. “We call it dating. And yes, he’s old enough to go on dates with you.” Norm’s going to tear him a new one. Max will stitch him up just to tear him a second one.

“It’s where you do courting practices, but you don’t mate even if you think your ready, at least not yet, he’s not old enough for sex, okay?” It feels dirty coming out of his mouth, like ash and acid. Yet, he needs to set some boundaries, some lines in the sand. He’s the only one here who understands how human teens work, kind of.

“Okay.” Ao’nung nods, good, he sounds accepting. “How do I court the human way?”

“Why do you want to do it the human way?” Jake finds himself suspicious. Not that anything Ao’nung says doesn’t make sense, but why is he going so left field for someone’s who’s so different from him. Jake had to learn the Na’vi way, because he was on Eywa’eveng. Ao’nung doesn’t need to go out of his way to learn another culture.

“He’s ashamed to be human.” Ao’nung tells him after a moment of internal debate. He’s confident in his answer, sounds like he and Spider have already had a conversation. “I don’t want Spider to be ashamed of what he is, or who he is. So, I want to prove to him that I accept all of him. Even the parts he doesn’t like so much.”

He’s not exactly sure how to feel about this. It’s a lot for his jar head to take in. Ao’nung trying to do this the right way. And shouldn’t Jake want the best for Spider? Someone who wants to make him happy and feel like he belongs? Still, shouldn’t that have been him? What if Spider end up with Daddy issues and acts out later in life? He could get self-destructive, well more self-destructive, or codependent on Ao’nung.

“Humans are different from Na’vi, Ao’nung, you know this. From how they look, to how they show affection.” He grabs Ao’nung by the shoulder, needing the other to look him in the eye. “They can’t form a tsaheylu, ever. Are you okay that?” Because he doesn’t want Ao’nung to regret his decision ten years down the line and start resenting his baby. It would be unfair to both of them.

“With him, I don’t need one.” Ao’nung clasps a hand over his forearm. The grip just as tight as his hand on the Metkayina’s shoulder. “I want him the way he is.”

It soothes a part of his soul. Jake’s gone through most of his life without a bond. But after experiencing it, he’s not sure he could go back. It was like an addiction. The peace of mind his mate gave him. A safe space that only he and she were allowed to curl up into. Ao’nung would never have that.

“If you’re serious about this, I need to warn you that humans don’t mature until twenty-five. That means he’s still changing a bit, figuring out who he is.” Jake retracts his hand and throws it over his bend knee. “I wouldn’t change being with Neytiri for anything, but I was twenty-two when she and I bonded. I was still figuring out my place in the world, but she helped me through it. Spider may not be the same person he is now.”

He notices the way Ao’nung closes his eyes and smiles. “Then he is like the sea. It’s never same.”

#ao3 #spider socorro #ao'nung #ao3 writer #aocorro #aonung #avatar spider #avatar the way of water #miles socorro #miles spider socorro #Avatar #TigerSeal #SeaMonkey

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eemoo1o-tfrmoo · 9 months

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Snotlout Jorgenson and the art of defiance*, defamation, and daddy issues

* I will be including his demeanour as a doormat alongside this. I will not be discussing his dissipation in this post as well.

Today, I will be studying Snotlout in (RTTE) and his issues with rule abiding and control management and how his relationship with his father affects this.

The episodes in particular I will be deriving my sources from are:

Reign of Fireworms (1x07)

Team Astrid (2x01)

And, Darkest Night (6x10)

Additionally, an episode I will also be looking at, though only briefly, includes:

Big Man on Berk (1x05)

Firstly, we look at Reign of Fireworms for his acts of defiance towards leadership, with his vast background of defying Hiccup in reference.

(Wow, Tumblr really ate the quality on my already crunchy gif.)

Admittedly, this is a shy example in comparison to anything else I could have picked. Snotlout is known for defying orders and challenging leadership (with Hiccup and later Astrid respectively). However, what makes this episode so different is how Snotlout is so indecisive over the twins’ leadership. Allow me to put a pin in that for later.

Unlike other instances of rejecting leadership, Snotlout reacts similarly to the other riders over the twins’ new roles as Island Rulers, but the main difference between Snotlout and the others is that Snotlout seems to hold no filter over the matter, which is shown with how he is the first to protest, insult, attempt to rebel, and even propose to off the twins.

However, unlike the rest of the riders, Snotlout’s perspective on the twins’ leadership is quick to change when —

The twins give him a job that he likes: “sergeant at arms”.

This job is significant, and as such a role of power. This is seen throughout the episode where Snotlout is the one to throw all of the other riders (save from the twins, but eventually including himself) in jail.

Snotlout is the only one of the riders (with perhaps the exception being Fishlegs, but we don’t see much of that) to take his job, and the twins’ ridiculous rules, the most seriously.

However, once he throws himself in prison — claiming that “he was framed” — he is quick to side with the other riders’ rebellion again.

The main rule that Snotlout is seen sticking to most is the “no S” rule. At first, he seems adverse, with the twins calling for his as “Notlout”, and him completely missing the point, asking who that is and shrugging.

However, once fully embracing his role as “egeant at arm”, Snotlout is heard attempting to remove any S’s from his speech as often as he can. Until he throws himself in jail.

The “throwing himself in jail” aspect of the episode is only used to get the riders all together again, and as a gag, but if we look at it more earnestly it’s sort of telling of how seriously Snotlout took the role and how he was playing into the role so much that he became a different person from his regular self.

Such evidence could be seen in how he claims “I was framed!” instead of “I wa framed!”.

I’m not implying that I think Snotlout has DID, but I am implying that I think his father (and other adults of Berk) — and the first movie — has something to do with this.

As far as I recall, in the first movie, Snotlout was the leader of the teens, and bully of Hiccup. I think it’s also implied that he’s the teen (or all of the teens are, excluding Hiccup) who’s well revered as being what a Viking should be for being strong and hard-headed, but now those are the characteristics that many on Berk frown upon him for. (The civilians even cheered for his death in the Defenders of Berk finale — another gag at Snotlout’s expense.)

I believe it’s also said or at least implied in the first film that Hiccup wants to be like the other kids, specifically Snotlout, and that Snotlout and Astrid were a thing, though the latter seems more expendable for my point to be made.

Now, Thawfest seems to be the only place where Snotlout can prevail over Hiccup (resented family name aside), and as such live up to his father’s expectations to some degree. We even see this inferred with how Snotlout is panicking in the final race over how “he can’t lose”.

We move onto the Defamation element of my analysis, with the few points I’d just made, and as such we skip to the episode Darkest Night.

In this episode, each of the riders (with the exception of Astrid and Hiccup) pitch each of their ideal realities if they’d never gone to Dragon’s Edge.

In Snotlout’s reality (after intruding on the ending of Fishlegs’) is one where he is promoted from Berk’s official weapon tester to their official weapon inventor.

Comparatively, this would be like a drug tester suddenly becoming a pharmacist, or a stunt man inexplicably becoming a choreographer.

The original job (weapon tester) in and of itself is telling of how Berk now views Snotlout. And while no one really mentions how dangerous or implicative the job actually is, we can see for ourselves the danger the job includes in both the twins’ reality and Race to the Edge’s first episode (as the twins’ reality starts off with a clip from the first episode where they place a wheelbarrow of sharp objects next to Snotlout’s pile of pillows whilst he’s testing out a catapult).

I don’t think this job would have been distributed to anyone smart enough to decline it, or at least well-liked enough to dissuade the distributor of said job to offer it to that person. As such, the job is very implicative in how Berk views Snotlout, whether he’s aware of it or not.

Now, in the episode, with the promotion Snotlout gives himself, he emerges from an explosion which is reminiscent of how the first film introduces the rest of the teens, only this time Snotlout is alone.

Unlike the others’ unrealistic realities, Snotlout’s is more like a fantasy than anything.

Not only does this fantasy feed into Snotlout’s egotistical point of view (as this is entirely centric on him, and other characters that are shown in this fantasy don’t pass the Snotlout-based Bechdel test), but we are also reminded of the time when Snotlout was well-liked: the first film, before Berk befriended dragons (though the dragons are still their friends in Snotlout’s fantasy, because as defamed as Snotlout’s image now is in contrast, I don’t think he’d give up Hookfang for the world — inexplicable explosion in the beginning of his fantasy aside), and even in Astrid’s alternate timeline where Berk hadn’t befriended dragons, and Snotlout is also well-liked by Stoick and others.

Firstly, Snotlout states that he invents this superweapon, though what is depicted is an unimaginatively unusable combination of all pre-existing weapons, though in the fantasy everyone adores the ‘invention’. I have the sense that while this isn’t stated to compete with Hiccup’s fire-sword, it is an attempt, because in the real world Hiccup inadvertently overshadows Snotlout in every possible aspect. Even Thawfest, however fleetingly.

In Snotlout’s fantasy, Gobber — who is very infamous for not taking Snotlout seriously or viewing him with any high regards — is the first to interact with Snotlout the Inventor by being completely enamoured with his invention, and praising him profusely on it.

When Hookfang appears in the fantasy just after, his tongue is hanging just marginally out of his mouth and his pupils are large and rotund, and he flies off whilst allowing Snotlout to remain standing on him.

The pupils of a dragon are shown time and time again to be easy tells of their mood. Narrow for hostile or under the influence of mind control (via Death Songs, Bewilderbeasts, Red/Blue/Green Deaths, so on), and wide/large for comfortable, adoring or even playful, as well as under the influence of dragon nip.

However, what makes Hookfang’s expression here most odd — as fantastical as it is — isn’t the very adoring way it’s depicted, but rather the shape of his pupils. We’ve seen Hookfang’s pupils dilated before, but they aren’t ever as round as they are here.

The dragon with the roundest and largest pupils that we know of is actually Toothless (the Night Fury, and as such the Light Fury). While Toothless’ pupils go a bit squarer as the movie series goes on, in the way they are depicted in Race to the Edge they are round, and as such so are Hookfang’s here.

This is obviously another way of showing that Snotlout wants what Hiccup has. In a way, he wants Hookfang to see him like Toothless sees Hiccup.

(A note worth adding us that in Snotlout’s fantasy, there’s even a metal statue of himself on Hookfang which he kisses the cheek of. This feeds into the egotistical side of things, but also serves as a callback to the Riders of Berk episode When Lightning Strikes.)

There’s also this golden, smoky hue over Snotlout’s fantasy which is lacking in the others’ concepts for an alternate reality, which perhaps could symbolise how this is an ideal, self-serving idea, and that these would have been golden memories for Snotlout, if they were to exist.

Next, we see Astrid fawning over Snotlout and then, the moment he is to land, his father scoops him up and says “You make me proud to be a Jorgenson, boyo!”, which is a recurring theme in Race to the Edge with how Snotlout expresses a true desire to hear this.

Which brings us, briefly, back to season one, with the episode Big Man On Berk.

In short, as stated in @jesse-the-writer’s post here, Snotlout seeks validation from men he deems strong, such as Thor and Dagur, due to his faulty relationship with his father.

He idolises them (Dagur more so in and before Riders and Defenders of Berk than after), in a manner similar to how he idolises his father, and in doing so he ignores how they write him off (Thor and Dagur), or forget his name countless times after being corrected (Dagur), or even insult his dragon (Thor) by laughing it off awkwardly and sometimes agreeing.

And all of the above is reminiscent of how Spitelout treats him (mostly in Riders and Defenders of Berk, but in a few instances of Race to the Edge also).

Psychoanalytically, the way parents treat their child pays a big role in how they view and act in relationships. This source focuses on romantic relationships, however some key elements can be attributed to platonic relationships, also.

“For instance, if your parents were not very affectionate and hardly ever hugged or kissed you, you may have an aversion to affection as an adult.”

I recall in the Defenders of Berk episode Scauldy, that when Astrid finally returns Snotlout’s affections/serial flirting (albeit in an insincere but well-acted way), Snotlout is immediately deterred and as such disgusted by her advances.

This is seen again with Ruffnut in the second and third film, and how he is quick to move on from and disregard her when she finally shows interest (albeit in both him and Fishlegs).

This shows that Snotlout actively pursues relationships (assumably romantic) where he is led to believe that his affections will not be returned or where they outright are not. Seeing as Spitelout, too, is not very affectionate, this could be a direct cause to Snotlout’s inability to find mutual affection very favourable or at the very least pleasant.

(A note worth mentioning is that in the season six episode Mi Amore Wing, Snotlout is the most visibly disgusted by the extreme affection shared between Mala and Dagur.)

Now, the most important question: is Snotlout aware of his father’s bad parenting? For that we go to the episode Team Astrid.

(The true villain of How To Train Your Dragon was Hiccup all along.)

Well, of course he is.

I think there’s something to be said for the change in Snotlout’s design. I won’t go too much into the theory here, but when Snotlout was younger he looked more like his father which shows that back then he was probably more blindsided to his father’s bad parenting ethics.

However, now that he is older he looks less like his father (squarer jaw, lighter skin, less freckles, shifted teeth), albeit still related in some way, which could be seen as a metaphor for how Snotlout is still looking up to his father, but is more aware than what he once was about what is so inherently wrong in their relationship (if not directly).

(This theory of mine also includes the idea as to why Spitelout has Deadly Nadder over a Monsteous Nightmare, which is briefly explained in the tags of this post here.)

As such, Snotlout clearly wants revenge that “the world owes him” (a line which could also double as him being owed for passing this opportunity up to actually listen to one of Hiccup’s orders, a trait which he gets better at in most instances as Race to the Edge goes on).

The way that Snotlout also puts emphasis on “I” and “him” here also implies that this is what Spitelout’s influence and presence over him is: a means to correct and shape him in a way that puts him down and never allows him to meet expectations, at least not fully. As such, this affects his ego and desire to be known, seen, as well as his view on relationships that hold a mutually professed affection whilst he still craves and shows a longing for his father’s approval and praise which deters him from anyone else’s (causing him to seek out relationships that are not mutually beneficial).

However, while I believe that Snotlout and Spitelout’s relationship isn’t beneficial to either parties, and as such toxic but not purposefully so (in fact I can imagine Spitelout’s relationship with his own father having been quite similar, but there is no evidence to support this, as far as I recall), I do not believe that it is inherently parasitic (otherwise I would be quoting the twins’ ramble about such relationships from Living on the Edge).

To sum up this analysis, I bring you these points:

Defamation: Snotlout was once well-liked amongst other Berkians for being strong and courageous but since Hiccup befriended the dragons Snotlout has since been pushed aside for the reasons he was once held in high esteem for.

As such, this makes him envious of Hiccup, and Hiccup’s relationship with Toothless, as Hiccup is now the one that everyone likes.

Defiance: This means that he is all too willing to prove and make a fool of himself due to this as well as trying to show to his father that he can amount to his expectations, and as such disregard most orders.

This makes Snotlout very willing to abide rules when he his put in a position of power above others, as seen in Reign of Fireworms. However he can sometimes get too carried away and disassociate himself from the role the more seriously he takes it.

Daddy issues: His and his father’s relationship is the reason why he chases relationships that treat him as the underdog despite his own ego, that either have him pursuing the forever unreciprocated (i.e. Astrid, and later Ruffnut) or even those that he idolises but is always disregarded (like Thor and Dagur), which could be seen as him trying to recreate his and his father’s relationship or perhaps search for the affection he has never properly received, but is immediately deterred once potentially finding or receiving it.

A part of Snotlout sees what is wrong with his and his father’s relationship, as seen with how he wishes to enact revenge through treating his father as he did him.

I think that the damage caused to Snotlout and his relationship with his father isn’t entirely reversible, I do believe that their relationship could reform. However, I don’t think them finding a means of doing so is entirely possible.

#httyd #race to the edge #snotlout jorgenson #character analysis #spitelout jorgenson #big man on berk #thor bonecrusher #reign of fireworms #team astrid #darkest night #analysis #my analyses #fuck spitelout #spitelout neutral post #hookfang #gifs #original post

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nellasbookplanet · 1 month

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Book recs: fairies

Fey, fae, fairies, faeries - pick your spelling, the fair folk are an undeniably popular trope in fantasy, and can be portrayed in wildly different ways, from cute pixies, to terrifying creatures of lore, to handsome and romantic beings of fairy tales. This list is a wild mix, all of them featuring fae or fae-like beings as central characters.

For more details on the books, continue under the readmore. Titles marked with * are my personal favorites. And as always, feel free to share your own recs in the notes!

If you want more book recs, check out my masterpost of rec lists!

Borderline (The Arcadia Project trilogy) by Mishell Baker*

Urban fantasy mystery. A year after a failed suicide attempt that cost her both her legs and her film-making career, Millie is recruited by a secretive organisation that works to control traffic to and from Arcadia, the land of faries, and given the assignment of tracking down a missing nobleman of the Seelie Court in Hollywood. Bisexual main character, excellent if you like me enjoy reading about deeply messy women.

Phaeton by Rachel Sharp*

Jack and Rosie, couple and hackers, just got their hands on a brand new device: the phaeton, a phone which, despite its crappy parts, is seemingly capable of doing the impossible. Utilizing their skills, they quickly realize it works not through technology, but by being remotely controlled by a living creature - a fae. This revelation throws them into a war between the fae of old and a new type of fae, able to withstand iron and looking to exploit their fellows through this advantage.

Rosemary and Rue (October Daye series) by Seanan Mcguire

Urban fantasy mystery. October "Toby" Daye is a changeling, half human and half fae, who, after having been burned by both sides of her heritage, has retreated to a "normal" life, away from the faerie world. But the murder of Countess Evening Winterrose pulls Toby back in, a curse forcing her to take on the mystery and find the murderer. While I found the first book a bit weak, the series does get better from there on, with engaging characters and interesting mysteries.

Knife (Faerie Rebels trilogy) by R.J. Anderson

Young adult. Young Knife is a Hunter, providing for a group of faeries living inside an oak, their population slowly dying. Long ago, their people lost almost all their magic, and without it they are doomed. But Knife isn't one to give up; recruiting the help of Paul, a human boy living nearby the faery oak, she is set on discovering the secret of - and solution to - her people's missing magic.

Among Others by Jo Walton

Magical realism. Growing up with a half-crazed mother, Morwenna found solace in two places: reading science fiction novels, and playing with the spirits of Wales alongside her twin sister. But after their mother tried to twist the spirits to her own whims with deadly consequences, Mori is sent off alone to private school, where she attempts to come to terms with what happened. This is less "teen girl on big adventure" and more "what happens after the trauma of adventure", with it being partly left up to the reader whether the fantastical elements are read as real or not.

Gossamer Axe by Gael Baudino

Centuries ago in Ireland, Chairiste Ní Cummen was trained in the secrets of music and magic. But her pride was her downfall, trapping her and her lover in the land of the Sidh. Only Chairiste escaped, hoping to one day win her lover's freedom in musical battle with the fairy that holds her captive. Now she is Christa Cruitare, harp teacher in the modern world and all but resigned to her loss. Until she comes across a great new music: heavy metal. Taking one last chance to win her lover's freedom, Christa sets out to gather other skilled musicians and bring them with her in her final battle.

In the Jaded Grove by Anela Deen

After years of war, pixie soldier Simith is tired of bloodshed and secretly sets up a meeting to discuss peace. But he’s betrayed and forced on the run - right through a door to another world. Meanwhile, Jessa is on her way home when she encounters a man about to be killed, and intervenes to save his life. With that simple act, the fate of the two - and that of the war - become interlinked. While I found the general execution of this one a bit weak, the concept and characters are interesting, and it’s a fun take on the portal fantasy genre.

Under the Pendulum Sun by Jeannette Ng

Catherine Helstone's brother Laon has traveled to Arcadia, the dangerous land of the Fae, and has since lost contact with her. Worried sick and desperate for news, Catherine embarks on the perilous journey herself, but on arrival she fins herself isolated and in danger of the Queen of the Fae, who is hard on her brother's heel.

Emily Wilde's Encyclopaedia of Faeries by Heather Fawcett*

Historical fantasy. Emily Wilde is a professor who prefers the company of faeries, dangerous but bound to rules she can understand, to that of humans, who she finds inexplicable. Working on her faerie encyclopedia, she travels on a research expedition to the faraway Hrafnsvik, hoping for some solitary months of study. Her hopes are dashed when Wendell Bambleby, rival scholar and possible faerie in hiding, arrives on her doorstep. But Wendell's aggravating presence is far from Emily's only problem, as the Hidden Folk of Hrafnsvik turns out to be far more dangerous than expected.

The Watchers by A.M. Shine

Horror. When her car breaks down, Mina tries crossing a forest by foot. As the sun goes down she finds herself lost with something dangerous closing in; at the last second, a woman appears and urges her into a bunker. Inside is a room with a mirrored wall, in which a group of strangers, stranded just like Mina, huddles through the night. Outside in the dark, something malevolent watches them through the glass. Will the group ever be able to escape the forest? While I found the characters somewhat unconvincing, this is a spooky story with fascinating lore.

The Call (Grey Land duology) by Peadar Ó'Guilín

Young adult horror. After having scorned the fae, Nessa's nation has been cursed: every teenager will, at some point, be called into the Grey Land for 3 minutes and 4 seconds before being returned. 9 out of 10 are returned dead. Trying to keep their country alive, children are sent off to training schools to prepare them and better their chances of survival. Her legs having been twisted by polio at a young age, Nessa's chances are worse than most, but she is determined to make it through her call alive.

The Twisted Ones by T. Kingfisher*

Horror. When her grandmother dies, Mouse takes on the task of clearing out the old woman's home. But as she arrives at her grandmother's home she realizes her mistake: her grandmother was a hoarder, and Mouse has her work cut out for her. As if this wasn't bad enough, among the things left behind Mouse finds her step-grandfather's journal, describing various horrifying encounters. All nonsense, Mouse, assumes - until she starts making her own encounters in the dark forest surrounding the house.

Faebound (Faebound series) by Saara El-Arifi

Elven sisters Yeeren and Lettle have grown up in the shadow of a forever war, one as a soldier and the other as a diviner and teller of prophecy. But when Yeeren makes a fatal mistake and is exiled, the two leave their familiar world for the first time - and end up with the mythical, and believed extinct, fae. Here they must juggle their own loyalties and hearts with political intrigue as they try to find a way to survive and return to their home. While I didn’t personally dig the romantasy vibes of this and found the elves and fae could’ve been more interesting, if you like epic fantasy with heavy romance, both f/f and f/m, you will probably enjoy it.

Spinning Silver by Naomi Novik*

Historical fantasy with strong fairytale vibes. Miryem's father is a moneylender, but his inability to collect on debts has left his family on the brink of ruin. Desperate and ruthless, Miryem steps in to take his place, and suddenly the family's luck has turned. But Miryem's reputation of being able to turned silver to gold catches the attention of the Staryk King - dangerous creatures who seem made of ice body, mind and heart. In her schemes to survive the King's demands, Miryem's actions ensnare a local farmer's daughter as well as the new wife of the tsar. As their fates are bound together, the three girls may change their land forever, for better or for worse.

An Enchantment of Ravens by Margaret Rogerson

Young adult romance. Isobel is an artist with a particular and dangerous set of clients in the fair folk. The fairies cannot create art on their own, and her portraits are highly coveted. But as she paints a portrait for the autumn prince, Rook, Isobel makes a mistake: she paints human emotion into his eyes. This weakens Rook before the fairy court, and in his fury he spirits Isobel away to stand trial for her crime.

Stardust by Neil Gaiman

In a desperate attempt to win the heart of the beautiful Victoria, Tristran Thorn makes her a promise to fetch the falling star they both saw crash one night. But to do so, he must enter the land of Faerie, where nothing is as it seems, least of all the fallen star, who isn't very keen on being given away as a gift.

Guardian of the Dead by Karen Healey*

Young adult. Ellie cares mostly about hanging out with her friend Kevin and pining after her crush Mark, but when a string of grisly murders - all the victims missing their eyes - starts taking place in her town, it’s the start of something ancient and dangerous, as vengeful fairies battle for immortality. Set in New Zeeland and based on Māori mythology.

Princess Floralinda and the Forty-Flight Tower by Tamsyn Muir

Novella. When Floralinda was first locked in a tower by a witch, princes kept coming to try and save her. But none of them made it past the dragon on the first floor, let alone the monsters after it, and now the supply of willing princes seems to have dried up. Starting to grow desperate, Floralinda captures and makes a deal with a small fairy for it to assist her in escaping the tower.

A note: all these Holly Black books are set in the same universe and do on occasion cross over, but can be read independently.

Tithe (Modern Faerie Tales trilogy) by Holly Black

Young adult. Sixteen-year-old Kade, used to traveling around with her mother's rock band, has just found herself back in her childhood home town. Here she meets up with old acquaintances - not all of them human. For Kade has always been able to see the faeries invisible to most humans. Among them is a handsome faerie knight she finds injured in the woods and chooses to help. In doing this, she becomes embroiled in a struggle between two rivaling and highly dangerous faerie courts.

The Darkest Part of the Forest by Holly Black

Young adult. Siblings Hazel and Ben live in Fairfold, a strange town where people leave out milk for the fairies and tourists come to look at a fairy prince locked in an enchanted sleep in a glass coffin in the woods. But things have been getting even stranger in Fairfold; the fair folk are getting more agressive, and the glass coffin in the woods gets shattered. As unrest spreads throughout the town, Hazel keeps a secret that may unravel it all.

The Cruel Prince (The Folk of The Air trilogy) by Holly Black

Young adult. When Jude was seven, her parent's were murdered by a spurned faerie lover of her mother's, while she and her sisters were stolen away to be raised at the High Court of Faerie. Ten years later, Jude wants nothing more than to belong in this dangerous land. Her struggle is made all the harder by Cardan, handsome faerie prince with a knack for pestering her. As she strives for some semblance of power in this dangerous realm, Jude gets involved with a conspiracy that may change Faerie forever.

Bonus AKA I haven't read these yet but they seem really cool

Sinners (The Fae Feast series) by Eka Waterfield

Niavin isn't just a sidh Lord, he's also a drug lord, providing the fae's drug of choice: toxic human pollution.

Lore of the Wilds by Analeigh Sbrana

Romantasy. Lore Alemeyu's village is under ruthless Fae rule, trapped within a forested prison. To protect her village, Lore makes a deal with a Fae lord to organize an enchanted library which only a human can enter.

Black Sun Rising (The Coldfire trilogy) by C.S. Friedman

On a planet far away, a priest, an adept, a sorcerer, and an apprentice are drawn together to fight against the evil fae which preys upon humanity.

That Self-Same Metal (Forge & Fracture Saga) by Brittany N. Williams

Young adult historical fantasy. Joan Sands works as a stagehand for William Shakespeare's acting company. Secretly, she’s also blessed by the Orisha with magical powers, and the ability to see Fae. And lately, the Fae are up to something...

Euphoria Kids by Alison Evans

Three teens - one cursed to sometimes be invisible, one who grew from a seed in the ground, and one who has yet to find his real name - find themselves sharing magic and the ability to speak with dryads and fae.

The Wind City by Simmer Wigmore

Old forces are gathering in Wellington, as the displaced iwi atua of legend reappear and decide to make the city their home, and not all of them mean well.

Honorary mentions AKA these didn't really work for me but maybe you guys will like them: Wicked Lovely by Melissa Marr, A Court of Thorns and Roses by Sarah J. Maas, Faerie Tale by Raymond E. Feist, Malice by Heather Walter, Poison Kiss by Ana Mardoll, Wintersong by S. Jae-Jones

#nella talks books #fairies #i could tag all the books but frankly i can’t be bothered

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honey-minded-hivemind · 1 month

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We must be psychically linked for real cause I was just thinking of the dark au and you start working on it again LMAO. Me personally I think reader should have some kinda mutation that allows them to copy other mutations or a time/dimension jump one so it could be revealed that oops! reader accidentally sent all of them away! And cause some big feelings in the yans, like they want to blame reader for what happened but they still love them so dearly and it wouldn’t be fair to reader who is still learning and growing their powers to be solely blamed, or it’s a wrong place wrong time type thing where reader and one of the teens powers interact in such a way that they get sent to where ever they are/stuck in the time stream a la batman the return of Bruce Wayne

Spino

That is a good idea, Spino Anon! It's really creative! I don't know if that's how I will write the au, but you have given me a thought or two on how to explain the four teens ending up in the dark future/au. I hope you are doing alright! I think as a treat, I can do a few headcanons I have for the Dark AU.... Let's do it:

• I headcanon that for the Dark AU, it's set in a reboot-esque au of X-Men Evolution, so things are mostly the same, but a little different. Such as more found family dynamics and less trying to toss children and rivals off of cliffs ( it's a reboot/retelling/reimagining due to platonic yandere stuff/adding Reader/adding more adventures/wanting to rewrite certain scenes/wanting to add further to it/etc.)

• Reader is a friend to both groups of teens, and likely joined one, if not both, at some point

• Reader took care of the others a lot. Reminding them to eat (mostly the adults for that, plus a handful of the teens, Reader would also make dinner/breakfast/snacks/treats for the platonic yans, maybe teaching a teen or two how to cook)... making art and craft projects for them (such as handmade scarves or stuffed animals, friendship bracelets and best friend necklaces, even full canvas paintings and notebooks full of sketches and drawings)... having small (platonic) dates where Reader does something they (the teen/s or adult/s) want to do, but can't do with the others or that doesn't interest the others... Reader was the sort to toss a blanket around someone if they fell asleep on the couch, made coffee or hot chocolate in the mornings/nights when it was cold, just trying to keep their friends family happy and cared for

• Reader was friends and still is in this au with the other teens who had the bad thing happen to them (being Kurt, Kitty, and Pietro). Probably was the one who played it straight between the four, still a bit more light-hearted and joking, but more toned down. I am undecided if Reader is the same age, older, or younger than them

• When the bad thing happens, let's just say the remaining X-Men and Brotherhood kinda... lost it. I mentioned before a person or multiple persons was behind what happened, but I never went into full detail on what it might have been. Whatever it was (no spoilers yet!) led the platonic yans to believe that they were dead, and that it wasn't quick or painless. They know it wasn't an accident. So they go mad with grief, in a way. They take vengeance on those who caused it, more-or-less send a message out warning what happens if anyone targets their loved ones, and (maybe?) take control over the world... Or at least parts of New York and Canada...

• The platonic yans become more... dark. If they were holding their punches before... they aren't now. They become ruthless when dealing with enemies, they learn new skills and tricks and tactics, they aren't going to let the same thing that happened in the past happen now

• I imagine that it's somewhere between three to five years before Reader and the others end up in the future/au, and they are still wounded from what happened. The worst of their wounds healed up enough, but not everything else, so they aren't as quick or as fast as they want to be when moving through the changed world around them

• When they are found to be alive and are confirmed to be the Dark AU platonic yans kids/friends/siblings, the platonic yans are hunting them down as fast as they can. They don't want them to disappear, they don't want them to die, and they aren't about to have them ripped away from them again. Even if it means they have to keep them under house arrest or sedated or otherwise...

(And this is what I can say without revealing any spoilers! Enjoy😊💛🧡🍯🐝)

#honeycomb thoughts #platonic yandere marvel #yandere platonic marvel #platonic yandere xmen #yandere x-men #yandere platonic xmen #platonic yandere #platonic yandere x reader #platonic yandere marvel x reader #platonic yandere xmen evolution #platonic yandere xmen evolution au #Dark AU!#Dark AU #🖤Dark AU

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piggyjeans · 2 years

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Can you do a Ryan Reynolds x teen reader? Maybe Ryan is in an interview and talks about how cool it is to work with the reader in a movie they are filming together and how he thinks of them as a daughter/son and is kind of like their mentor? And tag me in it please

Ryan reynolds x teen!reader, ryan reynolds x coworker reader, platonic ryan reynolds :P

(A/n) Hey! Ya ofc :) sorry it took a while to respond, and sorry this is kinda short I’m just trying to push through a bunch of requests as quickly as I can. I also didn’t proof read this so if there’s any problems lmk and yeah!!!! Also this isn’t my fav or anything. I wrote it super quick and I feel like it sucks ass so yeah let me know what u think please. Comments or likes or reblogs encourage me sm. Also lmk if u wanna be added to my tag list x <3 enjoy!

Requested by: @shycollectionwolfstuff

Warnings: maybe like mentions neglect or loneliness during childhood bc of acting but it’s not really that sad or graphically explained or anything. Aside from that I don’t think anything but correct me if I’m wrong <3

Readers pronouns: they/them

You thoroughly enjoyed working with ryan. You had similar senses of humor and it was rare to find an adult who treated you like an equal human even though you were a lot younger than him.

During filming, you created a special bond. And on the press tour, you spent most of your days together and the bond only became stronger. Having done two interviews earlier in the day, you were now onto your third. And sometimes it can get really repetitive and difficult. Ryan knows that’s discouraging for you, so he always tries to make it more interesting for you if he can. That includes spicing the conversation up with humor, or telling jokes, or making sure he has a different answer every time even if the same questions are being asked.

The interviewer walks into the room you and Ryan are sitting in for the third time. You sulk into your seat slightly, not particularly looking forward to this boring aspect of the press tour. You give him a big smile to try to hide the fakeness you feel.

“Hello, how are you?” The interviewer asks, shaking Ryan's hand, then yours.

“Never better,” You say happily. The interviewer smiles back at you genuinely. Guess it’s understandable why you became such a big actor who got to work with Ryan reynolds.

“Really? I’m tired as hell,” Ryan exasperates looking over at you, before mimicking your sulk in your chair. You sit up straight and raise your eyebrows, giving the interviewer an unbelievable smile. You were always taught to be professional in interviews and workplaces. It’s difficult to be when you’re around ryan.

“Long day?” The interviewer asks jokingly, looking between you and ryan. You giggle and nod. Ryan closes his eyes sleepily.

“Alright, then. Let’s get this show on the road so y’all can get out of here,” The interviewer says. It’s always good when you have an interviewer who can play along with a joke. Ryan sits up, content with the predicament.

“So, how long did it take to film this movie? I heard there was a lot of trouble with production time, did that affect your work schedules?” The interviewer asks, suddenly dropping his joking attitude.

You start to answer the question without a glance at Ryan, since you both would rather get the interview over with. “It took about four straight months of work to wrap. Production took a halt because of covid, but not even the directors were really working at that time. So from start to finish it probably took four months,” You say professionally. Ryan glances at you, then at the interviewer, “what they said,” he added.

“Right so, you two only worked with each other for about four months, or?” The interviewer says lightheartedly. Again, you take the question right away, “Well, no. Filming started before the pandemic hit the United States. So we actually quarantined together for a little while before we had to abandon ship and go back to our respective families, you know? But after restrictions were let up, we got back together to film, and then we both caught covid at one point, so we actually had to quarantine together for a second time,” you say, laughing, looking over at ryan who sat with his hands in his lap, looking at you with a proud and genuine small smile on his face.

Whenever you watched interviews or anything of the two of you, you noticed that he usually just sits and listens to you contently whenever you speak. He enjoys listening to you and being around you, and it makes you feel really good

“Wow. So, how was it working and spending that much time together? You two have a huge age difference and I imagine it could have been like a culture shock, because of how different the two of you seem,” The interviewer asks, mostly to you, occasionally glancing at ryan.

“Well actually,” you start to take the question but Ryan cuts you off this time. “No no, you got the last two questions. This one’s mine,” He spoke. You look at the interviewer and smile, sitting back in your seat almost humiliated. You didn’t want to ramble on or take the thunder away from Ryan, and now you’re worried he’s upset with you or something you said.

“A lot of people said it might be difficult to work with y/n because of how young they are, but I think that makes it even better. I get to learn about them and their whole generation every time I speak to them. They teach me things that I never could have understood if I never met them, and I’m lucky to have worked with them. If you keep working with the same people… like Hugh Jackman for example… ugh, hate that guy. Anyways, it’ll get boring. But with y/n, they’re so cool that you never really get tired of working with them. And I would work with them again if given the opportunity. They’re one of the coolest actors ever. Cooler than Hugh Jackman, for sure.”

Ryan rambles quickly. You stay sitting back in your seat, trying really hard to not let tears cloud your vision. You’re 15, don’t cry over this, be mature, you think to yourself, fighting the cloudy eyes.

It’s just difficult for you because you started acting at a young age and a lot of people don’t ever encourage you or tell you what you’re doing right. People are so uncomfortable with being honest and usually actors are only in it to do their job and not create relationships or bond at all, and as a kid, or a teenager it’s hard because you’re already giving up a lot of your life and a lot of socializing for this. It’s necessary to have someone like Ryan in your life who isn’t afraid of encouraging you or lifting you up. Especially when nobody else does.

“Thanks.” You mutter, looking down at your hands in your lap. Feeling like you experienced severe emotional whiplash. You want to give Ryan a big hug and spend time with him, something that’s not professional at all. You can’t wait for these interviews to be over, but you remember you have to finish said interviews before you can be so honest with ryan. Unless you answer the same way he did, now.

“Well, I’ve never worked with someone as special as Ryan. It sucks I worked with him so early in my career because now No one will ever live up to the expectations I’ve formed because of him. He’s taught me half of the things I know and it’s been an honor to have him as not only a co worker, but a mentor. And even after the press tour and everything is over, I know the relationship we have will never be over. Because he cared enough to put work into me and I know he can’t just give all that up. He’s a narcissist so he probably wants to see how I turn out so he can like, brag about me or something. Always caught up in his own head,” you finish comedically to try to give your speech a similar feel to his.

You look at Ryan and he has tears in his eyes. “My heart.” He dramatically and jokingly says, fanning his eyes, then leaning over to hug you. You close your eyes and smile into his shoulder as the interviewer sits there motionlessly, smiling at the picture in front of him.

Two interviews to go, then the day is over.

Taglist: @ohworm-writes @spidyyparker @littlemortals @americaarse LMK IF U WANNA BE ADDEDDD :) <333333 have a great day x

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boliv-jenta · 9 months

Text

No outbreak Joel Miller x f!reader

Dave York x f!reader

WC:5k

Summary: An unexpected guest crashed the reunion between you and Joel.

Warnings:Unprotected P in V sex. CNC elements. 69. Use of toys. Swearing. Dave Motherf*cking York.

Adult Education

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3

Masterlist

"I'm so sorry. Tommy's busy. I can't even get him to take over." Joel sounded as disappointed as you felt.

"It's fine we waited ten years, what's another day?" You tried to ease his guilt.

"It's one day too long for me. I promise I'll make it up to you."

"You'd better or I'll be taking a sledge hammer to my walls to get you over here."

The early morning deliveries that Joel left to meet ran into some trouble. Joel was going to have to drive out of state to personally oversee a few things. It was disappointing but maybe it was a blessing in disguise. This whole thing was just insane.

Ten years had passed, you couldn't just pick up where you left off, surely? You weren't a teen in need of a little safe harbour before you went out into the big, wide world anymore. The second you stepped back into Joel's arms, you felt it, safety.

Joel didn't seem to have changed a bit but he must have. Ten whole years of living his life, he could be a completely different man. You were certainly different. At your core, you still had the same morals and outlook on life, you'd always had a strong sense of self. Everything else, your likes, dislikes, ambitions, they'd all changed, grown, evolved.

When your home grew too loud with your thoughts echoing in your mind, you decided to take yourself for dinner. As the waiter sat your indulgent dessert in front of you, Joel sent you a message.

I sent you a present. Let me know if you like it.

Your ex-husband never bought you surprises. It was nice to feel like you were on someone's mind when they weren't there.

Pulling up outside your house, the first thing you noticed was Joel's gift. A long golden box set outside your door. A quick tug of the elaborate bow allowed you to lift the lid and see the beautiful long stemmed roses inside. Carefully balancing them in one arm you took out your phone to snap a quick selfie of your smiling face with your gift.

I love them. Thank you.

The two blue ticks indicated that Joel had read the message. Opening the door you managed to get in just as his reply came through.

They're not from me.

Setting your things down, you got into your normal routine. Keys away. Alarm. Wait, your alarm wasn't on. Damn. It wasn't like you to forget. Kick your shoes off. Hang up your jacket. Picking the flowers and taking them into the kitchen you rooted around for a card. A small cream envelope was at the bottom of the box under the delicate tissue paper lining the box. It slid open easily. Inside was a small golden embellished card. The simple handwritten words said…

Your alarm system is shit.

Every hair on your body stood on end. Your heart was in your mouth. You screamed around it as someone touched your shoulder. A hand came around your mouth to silence you. Instinctively, you struck out. A swift elbow connected with your attackers ribs.

"Easy now. You don't even know my safe word." The voice was all too familiar as he grabbed your arms to hold you in place.

"Dave?" You turned enough to see his perfect profile and the shit eater grin on his face.

"I told you I'd catch you soon."

Petals rained over the kitchen as you grabbed the stem of the roses and proceeded to hit him about the head with them. "You asshole. You scared the hell out of me!"

"Ouch. Those things have thorns!"

"Torns are the least of your worries! I could call the police! You broke into my fucking home!"

"I wanted to surprise you. Joel said…"

"Joel? What did he say?"

"He said you might want to catch up since you were free tonight."

"And breaking and entering is your way of catching up?!"

"I thought…"

"Get out! Get out, Dave!" Anger burned in your veins as you screamed at him. To his credit Dave actually looked ashamed of himself before he left.

It took cleaning all the rose petals up and a long shower for you to calm down enough to look at your phone.

Ten missed calls. One from your mom. Nine from Joel.

Tapping on your conversation, you scrolled through the new texts.

Dave told me what he did. I'm so sorry.

Please answer.

I'm sorry. I forgot Dave is an asshole. I thought he could take you out for dinner, not scare the life out of you.

Please call me.

I'm really sorry.

The thought that Joel hadn't intended to put you in that position made you feel a little better. The other thoughts that scraped at your consciousness, the ones that had enjoyed what Dave had done, didn't. Deciding that Joel had suffered enough, you texted him back.

It's okay. You're not responsible for that asshole. I'll call you tomorrow.

His reply was instant.

Okay, Darlin'. Sleep well.

With the adrenaline rush wearing off, it wasn't long until you were fast asleep.

The moonlight streaming through the windows was joined by a single beam of light. It swept the floor and up onto the walls. When it came your way, it completely obscures the dark figure behind it. The flashlight thudded on the mattress as the dark figure discarded it in favour of grabbing your ankles. In a display of its strength it pulled you down the bed towards it. Only then could you see its face. Dave. Your panties were swiftly pulled to the side as he penetrated you with his thick length. Bracing himself over you his lips ghosted over yours as his steady thrusts built into a frenzied pace. They still hovered over yours as you both moaned in unison as you climaxed together.

The sheets twisted below you as you jumped awake. The room was still streaked with moonlight but there was no Dave. A little pang of disappointment settled low in your stomach. Just below that a twinge of something else flared. Your panties clung to the wet flesh of your folds. It took two rounds with your favourite toy to settle you down to sleep again.

The next time you jumped awake it was to the sound of your doorbell. Checking the camera you were surprised to see Joel at your door.

"I'm so sorry." He greeted you as you let him step inside.

"It's fine, Joel. Really."

"No. It's not. I'll do anything to make it up to you." Dramatically as he could given his stiff knees, he dropped down to beg you.

"Stop!" You laughed, shoving his shoulder. "Although, while you are down there."

He raised an eyebrow before shuffling closer. Lifting one of your knees over his shoulder he pulled your loose sleep shorts out of the way.

"Jesus. You're soaked." Just as two of his fingers traced your folds he stopped. "Is this from last night?"

Feeling like someone had dumped a bucket of ice water over you, you removed your leg from his shoulder. "Joel." You sighed.

"Honey, I'm not judging. You and Dave have a past. I just didn't think he'd make a move on you. Not with knowing how I feel about you."

"Do you think Dave and I…? He didn't make any moves."

"Oh. That's good." He sounded relieved and so much younger than his years almost like the uncertain teen you'd once been. "So you two didn't…?"

"No. Why would I when I have you?" You caught how that sounded. "I mean when we're whatever this is…"

"You can have me if you want. I want to be yours. I know it's a weird set up but I just wanted you to know. You can take all the time you need to think about how you feel. I know you will, you're way smarter than me."

"Thank you, Joel. How about we just start with that dinner you own me?"

"Sure." He wrapped his arms loosely around your waist. "Do you still want me to?" He looked down between you.

"The moment has kind of past. How about I get a shower and we can make that dinner a breakfast?"

"Sounds like a plan."

Breakfast was spent catching up on everything and anything. Views on everything on politics to every pop culture fad of the last ten years were exchanged. Thankfully you and Joel agreed on all the major things. It really was like being with an old friend. It felt so natural to be with him. Breakfast turned into a walk in the park. Then a museum and a late lunch. Then back to your place for a movie and cuddling on the sofa. Even when dinner time rolled around neither of you mentioned Joel leaving. Dinner was cooked together. The two of you working seamlessly together. Joel cleaned as you chopped, mixed and cooked.

"What happened to these?" Joel was standing over the open trash can looking at the pieces of flowers.

"Oh, so Dave told you intimate details of us having sex but didn't tell you I beat him with some roses?"

"You what?!" Joel laughed in disbelief. "Good for you!"

"I actually feel a little bad. For the roses, not Dave. He scared the shit out of me."

Joel hugged you from behind and hummed thoughtfully near your ear.

"What?" You half turned to ask him.

"Nothing. Just this morning you were so wet…"

"And…?"

"I don't know, maybe part of you liked it."

Getting defensive you tried to dismiss him. "I masturbated, twice, that's all that was."

"Do you usually masturbate twice at night?"

"Joel." You warned.

"Again, I'm not judging. I always thought it was kind of hot when you two fucked. Dave used to get so worked up that you preferred me. He's the most competitive bastard I know." Joel laughed lightly.

"Is this really a conversation you want to have with the woman you just started dating?"

"I did Google dating etiquette. Oddly enough it didn't cover this particular situation."

Huffing at his comment, you moved from his arms to the spice rack.

"Look. I just think if we have so much stuff unresolved. Then maybe you had stuff with Dave too. I want this, us, to have a real shot. We can't do that being stuck in the past."

Suddenly the mixed herbs in your hands became really interesting as you studied them. Begrudgingly you admitted to yourself that Joel was right. You didn't love Dave but he was your first. He was a huge part of informing your sexual tastes. And if someone held a gun to your head you may even admit to liking him, just a little.

"Did you get wiser in your old age?" You finally returned to Joel's arms.

He mock gasped as held you. "Less of the old!"

"Maybe I do have a teeny tiny amount of unresolved…" feelings doesn't sound right "...stuff with Dave." Adding he herbs you held up a spoon for Joel to taste. It kept his eyes off you for a moment so you could open up. "I may have gotten off on the danger of being with him. Out of the two of you there was always something that scared me, just a little. Now the whole CIA agent thing makes sense. Lying bastard. It doesn't mean I want to do anything with him now."

"Okay." Joel stated simply, yet you could tell there was a lot more behind the simple word. Casually, he tossed the spoon to be washed later. Mirroring how he put this particular conversation aside for later.

The two of you finished up making dinner and settled down to eat.

"So, back then, did Dave tell you everything?" You asked in-between bites of pasta.

"Everything. The hot tub. The time in college. Everything." Joel confessed.

"College?!"

"Who do you think told him where you were?"

Your chin nearly ended up in your food as your jaw dropped. "I take it back. I want to fuck him again but his time I wouldn't let him tell you a damn thing about it."

Joel shrugged. "Still hot."

"Shut up." The two of you grinned at each other like children.

Dinner was done, dishes were washed, dried and put away. Another movie was put on. Joel didn't make it through this one. With half an hour left he was fast asleep against your chest. Even though he was asleep you carried on massaging his scalp. His soft curls tumbled soothingly through your fingers. The weight and warmth of him against you, finally having him in your arms like you had ached to when he told you he wanted to be wanted, had you in a state of bliss. When you phone chimed you were happy to ignore it until you remembered you hadn't called your mom back.

A message was there, from a number you didn't recognise.

I'm sorry for last night. I thought you'd like it. I guess I forgot you're not the woman I knew anymore.

Thank you for the apology. You weren't entirely wrong. If you'd have done that back then or maybe didn't try it out of the blue after 10 years, I may have liked it.

I'll keep that in mind. These texts won't disappear. You can save this number if you want.

I will, under 'Asshole.'

You're saved under 'Whore' with that picture of your cum covered tits as your icon.

Asshole.

You imagined Dave's amused smile matching the one that spread on your face. The slight rumble of your chest as you chuckled woke Joel. "Sorry, Sweetheart. Long day. Did the movie end? Do you want me to leave?" He muttered this all sleepily against the swell of your breasts.

"I'm not going to make you drive in this state. My guest room is made up….or you can share my bed?"

Joel padded up the stairs as you guided him. It was strange to be the one looking after him for a change. After giving him a spare toothbrush, you returned with some sweats that you stole from your ex. "Here. Let's get you to bed."

Joel was asleep on his back when you returned from getting yourself ready. The blanket was only pulled up to his waist. His chest was bare allowing you to admire him. His middle was a little softer than you remembered. His arms were still roped with well earned muscle. The freckles that you used to try and map littered his golden skin. Seeing him in your bed just felt so right. Sliding in next to him you rested your head on his broad chest. His heartbeat thumped steadily in your ear. Just like the summer ten years before, you decided you wanted Joel and you were going to have him, consequences be damned.

One year later….

Sometimes you hated Tommy. Even if he was a ray of human sunshine most days and made sure to tell Joel how lucky he was to have you at every opportunity. He was still the one that convinced Joel to take risks and grow his business. A business that was now thriving. Which meant Joel had to be whisked away from you from time to time. Most of the time you understood. Today, you weren't in the most understanding of moods. Work had been a nightmare, all you wanted to do was come home. Now that you had you were reminded that your boyfriend was away on your anniversary.

It had been a whole year since Joel first slept in your bed. Over that year there had been more nights that he'd slept there than anywhere else. He just sort of stayed. He'd been renting a place not too far from you while he worked there. When his lease was up, he moved what he had with him to your place. There was no fuss, just two people seamlessly blending their lives together. Like you had always been that way. Maybe you should have.

The bad mood you were in seemed an ideal time to go over your regrets. If only you had stayed a year. Maybe you could have had a whole decade with Joel? Your brain huffed at you. Maybe it could have all gone to shit because you weren't grown yet, who knows?!

The foul mood worsened when you couldn't get through to your favourite take out place on the phone.

"Fuck it." It was only four blocks away. The walk might do you good.

With your order in your hand you checked the time on your cell. A message had come through without you hearing it. It was from Joel.

I sent you a present. Let me know if you like it.

The walk home seemed much shorter than the walk there. Your feet carried you like the wind. The alarm beeped steadily when you got home before you turned it off. Disappointment set in as you typed in Joel's birthday. Placing the takeout on the counter you crossed to the fridge to get a drink. Grabbing a soda, something caught your eye as it fell from the door when it swung open. It was a piece of paper with a handwritten note.

Your alarm is still shit.

The soda nearly fell from your hand as you were shoved into the counter. A body pressed into yours pinning you in place.

"Don't go trying to take a swing at me again." Dave breathed against the shell of your ear before biting down on the lobe.

Your hands came down to brace yourself on the counter as he pulled up the skirt of your dress. He pushed the material over your hips exposing your ass to him. He grabbed a handful of it. The same hand then caught the soda can that fell from your grasp, the other one was already too busy peeling off the very expensive and very tiny underwear you had on.

"Did you wear these for me?" He grunted with the effort of tugging them down your legs.

"You're not worth the effort." You snarled at him.

A sharp sting spread across your scalp as Dave tugged your hair, bringing you tight to him. Blunt teeth found your shoulder and bit down. The pain coursed through you melding into pleasure at some point. Every nerve in your body sang. Every touch felt heightened. Even your own clothes on your skin were too much.

"Over a decade and you're still a brat. Someone should fuck that out of you." With his hips still pinning you and one hand pulling on your hair, Dave was able to keep you in place and use his free hand to take off his belt. The hand in your hair travelled to your mouth to pry it open. His thumb pushed roughly past your lips for leverage. As soon as there was enough space, he shoved his belt in there.

"That should keep you quiet. Don't want the neighbours telling your boyfriend another man was making you scream his name." With that he brought his large palm down on the meat of your ass. A muffled shout left your mouth. "Come on, say it." Another smack. This one was harder and added to the sting already there. All you let out was a defiant groan. Another hit. "Say it." Another slap echoed. "Fucking scream it, bitch."

Another hard hit of his hand, coupled with his words earn him it. "Dave!" Muffled but unmistakable.

"I knew you had it in you, screaming another man's name. You little cheating whore." As he spoke you chanced a look at him. His cheeks were flushed, his eyes were dark, even with the all back outfit, you could see the bulge of his cock straining to be freed. He looked feral and so goddamn good. "Don't move. I brought you a gift. Close your eyes." He almost sang the last bit.

Obeying him, you stood still. When he returned he kicked your legs apart. A dark chuckle left him when he saw the jewel nestled between your cheeks. "Poor Joel. It seems like you had quite the night planned for him. Oh well, his loss…"

The blunt tip of something pressed at your entrance. It slipped in easily with the slick gathered there. "Good girl. Take it so well."

The toy was fully seated inside you, held in place by your thighs, when Dave returned to pining you to the counter, his hips dropped his time so his hard cock pressed into the jewelled plug in your ass. He grinded his hips into you. "I can't wait to fill you with this cock. We've got work to do first though. Open your eyes." In his hand in front of you he held a small oval remote control. With one tap the toy inside you jerked to life. It started thrusting against your G-spot hard and fast. Once you were over the initial intrusion it made you come in no time. Your whole body curled in on the toy and the belt dropped from your mouth as you gasped. Dave tapped the remote to halt the tiny but powerful machine. "All that for a piece of plastic? All Joel's bragging, maybe you just come too easily. Is that it? You're such a little slut that you're permanently on the edge. It doesn't take much to push you over. Let's see if you have another one in you. The toy started up again this time Dave added a small vibrator, that he pulled from his pocket, to your clit. Moments later when your legs tensed, your toes curled and your vision blurred. Shakily you wiped the corner of your mouth as you whimpered.

Dave only laughed. "See? Such a fucking horny slut. How many can you give me? Hmmm?" He ragged your hair again. Your head moved easily as all your muscles were completely softened by your release.

Reaching between your legs he shoved the toy deeper. A whimper tore from your throat. "No more."

"What was that?"

"I said no." You tried your best to stare him down.

"So you're going to let me play with this pussy. Get me all worked up will all those pretty sounds, your moans, the wet sound of your pussy and say 'no'." He laughed before dragging you up on shaking legs. "You don't get to say no to me."

Throwing you face first onto the kitchen island he pressed your chest into it and started to grab your hands.

"No!" You managed to pull them back for a second until he shoved the toy deeper again. As you cried out he grabbed your hands and tied them with his belt.

"Stay, fucking, still." The toy and the plug hit the floor you winced as each one was removed from your still clenched muscles.

"Fuck. Look at how wet you got that thing. And you're going to try and deny me getting my cock that wet? Fucking tease. Do you want me?"

"No."

"Are you sure?" Two thick fingers pressed ever so slightly inside you. "Because it seems like you do." His thumb brushed circles over your pink hole.

"No. I don't." Your voice was more steady now.

"Well what kind of a man would I be if I fucked you now?" He chuckled.

The air was thick and silent for a moment. Not a move was made until Dave rushed you. His hands pushed you down onto the counter, pinning you in place as he almost split you in two with his thick, solid cock. The two of you resembled wolves howling at the moon as he did so. The sounds of ecstasy fell from your lips as you practically drooled on the work top. Each thrust of his cock was magnified by how sensitive you were.

"You're not supposed to be enjoying this." He reminded you with another bite to your shoulder.

"The word you used was 'defiant'. I'm being defiant of this little scenario right now." You panted as he still steadily thrusted.

"What if I told you that I gave that shit security system a little upgrade?" He grunted as he pushed deeper.

"What?"

"I installed a couple of cameras. There's one in your fake ficus over there."

Looking over to where he was talking about you could see the little round lens peeking over the rim of the pot. "You CIA motherfu…" You began to jerk away from him.

Strong arms pinned you down. "Ex CIA." He slammed into you harder. "Feel like telling me 'no' now?"

"Fuck you!" You spat.

"Oh, yes." If possible Dave grew even harder inside of you. It made you even wetter, something you didn't think was possible.

"Is that what you like? Acting like the bad man, David?" His hips faulted for a second. A grin spread on your lips. "You are such a bad man. You took a barely eighteen year old girl and set up her sexual tastes for life. Do you know how many times I beg Joel to fuck my throat or degrade me? How many times he has to fuck me in my ass and fill me with his cum so I feel dirty? Do you know how many men I've let fuck me roughly? How many women? All chasing the high that you gave me when you first forced all of your cock inside me. Pinning me on it until I was hopelessly lost in pleasure. You've always been a bad man to me, Dave. And a fucking hot one." Dave's ego swelled with his cock as it pulsed wave after wave of cum inside you. He chanted your name as he did so.

Once he was spent, he collapsed over you. "Fuck. Me."

A giggle bubbled out of you; it was cut off with a hiss when he pulled out. "Wait here."

It was easy to follow that instruction. You doubted your legs could carry you anywhere else. You were vaguely aware of the microwave humming and beeping. When Dave returned he'd pulled a chair from the kitchen table with him.

"Here." Gripping your waist he pulled you up to untie your hands. He then guided you down into lap. The smell of lavender caught your nose. A heat pack was set on his thigh as he pulled your ass onto it. "We'll get you cleaned up in a minute. I haven't finished with you yet. How do I always neglect these pretty tits?" His hand began to pull down your dress.

"Dave." One of your hands stilled his, suddenly shy. His eyebrows furrowed. "It's been ten years, they might not be how you remembered."

Gently he carried on tugging until you were bare for him. "No. They're fucking prettier."

His tongue licked a strip from under your boob right up and over your nipple. He repeated the motion on the other side before blowing across them gently watching you shiver. In turn he sucked on each one until you shuddered with over sensitivity. He then kissed around them covering every inch as he did so he slipped his hand between your legs. His fingers rubbed gentle, slow circles on your clit.

Dave had never treated you with such care. The tenderness of it alone lit something in you that fuelled a soft climax. Dave kissed you for the first time that night as you moaned. He pulled away to rest his forehead on yours. "Good girl."

It was odd how you suddenly felt bare and vulnerable in front of Dave, given everything he'd done to you. You were driven to fill the silence with a question. "When did you become the king of aftercare? What made you so soft?" You teased.

"Since I became a grandpa I guess. Now I always offer a lady a tissue if I come inside."

"Ew." You snort-laughed at him. "How is Oliver?"

"He's great. Growing like a weed. The last time I saw him he was just learning to sit up."

"That's great, Dave. I'm happy for you. Like I said, you're a terrible human being but a great dad, and now grandpa."

Your phone chimed on the counter next to your long forgotten take out.

Joel

Are you and grandpa quite finished?

You

Are you watching us?

Joel

Dave has a lot of faults but I can't knock his security upgrades.

You

Did you like what you saw?

A picture came through in reply. It was of Joel's spent cock cover in his cum. You licked your lips subconsciously.

You

I guess you did.

Joel

I know Dave did. My dirty girl has the best little cunt. Make sure he licks it out before he leaves. Show him what I get to have any time I want.

Dave's phone chimed. He read the message before saluting the camera with a sarcastic "Yes, Sir." A grin spread over his face "Let's get you cleaned up." You pulled you behind him. "There's no cameras upstairs." He tossed over his shoulder.

"What did your message say?"

"He told me to eat your pussy." He yawned.

"I'm glad to know you find the prospect of eating my pussy so exciting."

"I'm fifty-three years old. You're lucky that blowing my load that hard did lay me out for the night."

"Fair enough. How about I ride your face instead?"

For his moaning about his age Dave still got it up again after a few minutes of you dragging your pussy over his lips, tongue and perfectly curved nose. Admittedly he didn't last long when you showed you how far your blow job technique had come and once he emptied himself down your throat he was out like a light.

"Good night, Asshole." You pressed a kiss to his forehead before leaving him in the guestroom. Dave hadn't quite gotten you there before he came groaning against your folds. It only took a few pumps of your own fingers to finish you off. Taking out your phone you sent Joel a couple of pictures of the resulting mess clinging to your fingers and thighs. After a well needed shower you returned to find another photo from Joel. His softening cock covered in even more cum with the caption 'Happy Anniversary, Darlin'.'

Series tag: @popcornforone @myrealmofchaos @casa-boiardi

Dave York tag: @movievillainess721

#pedro pascal character fanfiction #no outbreak!joel miller #dave york au #joel miller x you #joel miller x f!reader #dave york x f!reader #dave york x you

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