#that's the message and that's what's really frustrating
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Mafias Mistress pt. 4 | N.R
MafiaBoss!Natasha x CivilianYounger!Reader
Warnings: 18+! MINORS DNI! Age gap (Natasha is 32 = reader ist 22), Gore, guns, Death, screaming, so much teasing, be forced to watch people have sex, restraints, Begging, edging
Word Count: 7,4K
A/N: truely very exciting to write..🫠
You hummed softly to yourself as you moved around the kitchen, the tantalizing aroma of dinner filling the cozy apartment.
Tonight was supposed to be a peaceful evening, a chance to relax after the recent chaos. You were determined to create a feast that would make even Natasha smile after a long day.
You barely noticed the sound of the front door creaking open at first, completely focused on the task at hand. "Natasha, you're home early!" you called out cheerfully without turning around. "I'm almost done with dinner. You're going to love it!"
The silence that followed your words was unexpected and sent a shiver down your spine. Slowly you turned around, a smile still on your lips. But the figure standing in the doorway was not Natasha.
A tall, imposing man with sharp features and cold eyes stared at you. His presence radiated menace, and the way he surveyed the room sent a wave of fear over you. Your heart pounded in your chest as you instinctively took a step back.
"Who are you?" you asked, trying to keep calm despite the rising panic in your voice.
The man grinned, his gaze never leaving yours. "Viktor," he replied, his tone dripping with malice. "I'm an old... acquaintance of Natasha's. You must be Y/N."
Your mind raced, trying to piece together the fragments of the conversations you once had with Natasha. Viktor. But that name means absolutely nothing to you.
"What do you want?" you asked, your voice shaking despite your efforts to appear brave.
Viktor took a step closer, his presence overwhelming the small kitchen. "I'm here to leave a message," he said, his eyes flashing with a cruel light. "Natasha has interfered in matters that are none of her business. It's time she understood the consequences."
Your breath caught as you realized the gravity of the situation. You were a pawn, a means to an end in a game that was far more dangerous than you had imagined. The knife you had been using to cut vegetables lay within reach, but you knew it was no match for Viktor's imposing frame.
Your next move was driven by desperation. Without thinking, you grabbed the knife and held it up defensively. "Stay back!" you warned, your voice firmer now, even though your hands were shaking.
Viktor chuckled, a chilling sound that sent shivers down your spine. "Brave, but stupid," he said, taking another step forward. "Do you really think you can stop me?"
Before you could react, Viktor lunged at you, disarming you with terrifying ease. The knife fell useless to the ground. He grabbed your arm with an iron grip and pulled you close.
"You will deliver a message for me," he hissed, his breath hot against her ear. "Tell Natasha she can't hide forever. We will find her. And when we do, she will pay for her interference."
Tears of fear and frustration welled up in your eyes as you struggled against his grip, but Viktor's strength was overwhelming. "Let go of m-me!" you cried, your voice breaking.
With one final, menacing smile, Viktor released you and pushed you back. As you collapsed to the floor, shaking and gasping for air, you didn't hear the sound of footsteps quickly approaching outside.
The front door swung open again, revealing Natasha, heading to your apartment to surprise you. "Y/N, I'm-" Natasha's voice trailed off as her gaze fell on the scene before her. Her eyes widened in fear and anger as she saw you slumped on the floor, Viktor standing over you.
The smile that had graced Natasha's face moments before vanished, replaced by a cold, deadly expression. Her body tensed, and in an instant she was a predator ready to attack.
"Viktor," Natasha spat, her voice a dangerous growl. "Get away from her." Viktor slowly turned around, his expression one of slight surprise mixed with amusement. "Natasha, what a pleasant surprise," he drawled, though the malice in his eyes betrayed his words. "Exactly the woman I was hoping to see."
Natasha's eyes flashed with anger as she walked toward him, each step deliberate and full of menace. "You made a big mistake coming here," she hissed in a deep, deadly voice.
Viktor laughed, though there was a hint of unease in his eyes as he faced Natasha's wrath in full force. "We'll see," he said, his bravery wavering slightly.
Without warning, Viktor drew a gun and pointed it directly at you. The intention was clear: to hurt Natasha by hurting the person she cared about.
Your scream and plea pierced the air, your eyes widening in fear. "Natasha, please, do whatever he wants!" you pleaded, your voice shaking uncontrollably.
Something dark flickered in Natasha's eyes as she reached under her jacket and pulled out her own gun, pointing it hard at Viktor. Your shock was palpable, your world spinning out of control. The Natasha you knew had never hinted at this side of herself. Is she a cop? Does she have the gun for self-defense?
"Put the gun down, Viktor," Natasha ordered, her voice cold and unwavering. "This is between you and me."
Victor's grin faded as he looked between Natasha and you. "So, the kitten has claws," he sneered. "But do you really think you can pull the trigger, Natasha? While she's watching?"
Your heart was pounding, your head was racing. This was a side of Natasha you'd never seen, never even imagined. The realization that Natasha was deeply involved in a dangerous world shook you to the core.
"Natasha, please," you whisper, your voice breaking. "Just do what he says." Natasha's eyes softened for a brief moment as they met yours, but the iron resolve quickly returned. "I won't let him hurt you," she said, her voice filled with a deadly promise.
In the tense standoff, Viktor's confidence began to waver. He had underestimated Natasha's resolve and willingness to protect you at all costs. "Last chance, Viktor," Natasha said, her voice deadly. "Drop the gun and walk away, or I'll end this right now."
Viktor hesitated, gripping the gun tighter. But he could see the determination in Natasha's eyes, the unwavering resolve that meant she wouldn't hesitate to fire. Slowly he lowered his weapon, a frustrated growl escaping his lips.
Natasha moved quickly, disarming Viktor and knocking him to the ground. She stood over him, her gun pointed at his head, her expression cold and merciless.
"You will never threaten her again," Natasha said, her voice ice cold. "You and Dreykov will get the message loud and clear."
Viktor's eyes widened in fear as he realized the true depth of Natasha's determination. Before he could say another word, Natasha pulled the trigger and the shot echoed through the apartment.
Your scream shattered the silence, a raw, emotive sound of shock and terror. You crawled away and pressed yourself against the kitchen counter, your eyes widening in horror as you stared at Viktor's lifeless body.
"Y/N, don't look at him, look at me.." Natasha said quietly, turning to you. She held out a hand, her expression full of concern. "It's okay. You're safe now."
"Don't touch me!" you screamed, your voice high in panic. "Stay away from me!" Natasha froze, her heart breaking as she saw the fear in your eyes. She took a step back and raised her hands in a placating gesture. "Y/N, please, just let me explain-"
"I said stay away!" you screamed again, your body shaking. "What did you d-do? He gave up!"
At that moment, the front door flew open and Maria stormed into the apartment along with several of Natasha's men. Maria took in the scene with a quick, practiced glance, her eyes narrowing as she assessed the situation and knew what to do.
Maria stepped forward and placed a reassuring hand on your shoulder. "It's going to be okay," she said in a firm voice. "I'm from the police and I'm here to help. Natasha protected you."
You looked at Maria, confusion and fear battling in your eyes. "An officer? I don't understand...how did you know...?"
Natasha's eyes met Maria's, a silent understanding passing between them. "We have to go," Natasha said quietly, her voice full of urgency. "They're going to come get us now."
You shook your head, your fear giving way to anger. "No! I'm not going anywhere with you! You lied to me, Natasha. I don't even know who you are!"
Maria squeezed your shoulder gently, your eyes serious. "Y/N, I know this is a lot to take in, but you have to trust us. Natasha is trying to protect you. If you stay here, you're in danger."
"I know I lied, but everything I did was to protect you. You have to come with me. It's not safe here anymore." Your eyes darted between Natasha and Maria, your mind racing. The woman you thought you knew stood before you, a stranger in many ways, but your desperation and sincerity were undeniable. The apartment that had once felt like a sanctuary now felt like a prison, its walls closing in with every second.
"Y/N," Maria interjected gently but firmly, "Natasha is right. We don't have much time. I understand that you're scared and angry, but we have to move. Staying here is not an option.”
Your breath came in short gasps, your thoughts a whirlwind of fear, betrayal and confusion. “You’re a cop?” you ask, searching for some semblance of truth in the chaos.
Maria nodded, her face a mask of calm determination. “Yes. We need to get you to a safe place where we can explain everything.”
Natasha’s eyes never left yours, the vulnerability in your gaze breaking through the fear and confusion. “Please, Y/N. Trust me one last time. I promise I’ll explain everything, but we have to go now.”
Tears welled up in your eyes as you looked at Natasha, the woman you loved and the woman you now realized you didn't fully know. The weight of the decision weighed on you, the urgency of the situation colliding with your need for answers.
"Okay," you finally whisper, your voice barely audible. "Okay, I'll go with you."
Relief flooded Natasha's face, but she kept her composure, knowing they were far from safe. "Thank you," she said quietly. "We need to leave right now. Maria, can you get the car ready?"
Maria nodded and quickly walked to the door, yelling orders to the men outside. Natasha turned to you, her hand gently brushing your arm. "Stay close to me," she commanded in a firm but gentle voice. "I won't let anything happen to you."
You nodded dazedly and let Natasha lead you out of the apartment. The hallway was filled with Natasha's men, their faces grim and watchful. They formed a protective barrier around you as you made your way to the elevator, the tension in the air palpable.
The elevator ride down felt like an eternity, the silence heavy with unspoken fears and questions. You clung to Natasha's arm, your head reeling from the events that had unfolded so quickly. The woman you thought you knew was a stranger, her life a series of secrets and shadows.
When you reached the ground floor, Maria signaled for the car to be called. Natasha held you close, her eyes scanning the area for signs of danger. The car stopped and the men quickly ushered you inside, the doors closing with a reassuring thud.
Maria slid into the driver's seat and looked back at you. "We're going to a safe house," she said in a commanding tone. "When we get there, we'll explain everything."
You nodded, your hands shaking as she held onto Natasha. The car sped through the city streets, the lights blurring in a haze of confusion and fear. Natasha's arm wrapped around you, her presence a small comfort in the midst of the chaos.
"Y/N," Natasha said softly, her voice breaking the silence. "I know you're scared and confused. I promise I'll explain everything. But right now, I need you to trust me. Can you do that?"
You looked up at Natasha, your eyes searching for the truth in her gaze. "I'll try," you whispered.
The car drove through the night, a silent vessel carrying you away from the life you had known. Exhaustion, fear, and shock finally took their toll, and despite your best efforts, your eyelids grew heavy. Your body succumbed to overwhelming fatigue. Natasha held you close, murmuring quiet reassurances until you slipped into a restless sleep.
When you woke up, the world felt disorientingly different. You blinked, your eyes adjusting to the dim light filtering through the heavy curtains. You slowly sat up, the luxurious silk sheets and soft pillows around you an unfamiliar comfort. The room was large, elegantly decorated with expensive furniture and artwork that spoke of wealth and power.
A knot of fear tightened in your chest. Where am I? Your mind raced, you tried to piece together the fragments of your last coherent memories. The confrontation with Viktor, the horrific car ride, Natasha's grim determination.
The bedroom door creaked open and Natasha stepped in, her expression softening when she saw you awake. "Y/N," she began in a soft voice.
Your heart lurched, fear mingling with anger. You climbed back onto the bed, your eyes widening. "Stay away from me, Natasha," you said, your voice shaking. "I want answers. Now."
Natasha paused, pain flickering in her eyes, but she nodded. "I understand," she said quietly. "You deserve the truth." You clutched the sheets, your knuckles white. "Where are we? What kind of place is this?"
"We're in a safe house," Natasha explained, her tone calm but serious. "One of many I have for when things get dangerous. We're in Spain, far away from the immediate threat."
"S-Spain!?" you repeated, raising your voice. "You took me out of the country? Without asking me?"
Natasha took a step closer, holding out her hands in a placating gesture. "I had to, Y/N. It wasn't safe for you in the city anymore. Dreykov and his people would have found you."
Your eyes flashed with anger. "And whose fault is that? You lied to me about everything. I don't even know who you are."
Natasha winced, but nodded, accepting the accusation. "You're right. I lied to you. But please, let me explain." Your silence was your only response, your eyes demanding the truth.
Natasha took a deep breath, her expression determined. "I'm part of the mafia, Y/N. The Bratva, to be precise. I've been involved in this world for years, long before we met. My role is... significant. I run operations, deal with threats, and yes, sometimes that means doing terrible things."
The words hung heavy in the air, the reality of Natasha's confession crashing down on you. "The Bratva?" you whispered, your voice barely audible. "I wrote about them. About you, without knowing it.."
Natasha's eyes softened. "I know. I read your articles." Tears filled your eyes, your world fell apart. "So it was all a lie? Our relationship, your love for me?"
"No!" Natasha said urgently, stepping closer. "That was real. Everything I felt for you, everything we shared was real. But I had to keep my other life a secret to protect you."
"Protect me?" you scoffed, the betrayal cutting deep. "You put me in more danger than I could have ever imagined!" Natasha's face twisted in pain. "I know. And I'm so sorry, Y/N. I never wanted this. But I couldn't shirk my responsibility. Not without putting us both in even greater danger."
You shook your head, tears flowing over. "And Maria? She said she was a police officer. Is that at least true??" Natasha hesitated, then shook her head. "Maria is one of my most trusted allies. She's not a cop. She's part of the organization, someone I trust with my life."
Your heart broke again. "So another lie..."
"I didn't want it to be like this," Natasha said desperately. "I wanted to protect you, give you a normal life. But the world I live in... doesn't allow that."
Your voice trembled with anger and sadness. "I want to go home, Natasha. I want my life back." Natasha's expression turned sad. "You can't go back, Y/N. Not now. Dreykov's people will look for you. Staying here is the only way to protect you."
"Safe?" you cried, your voice breaking. "I don't feel safe here. I don't even know where I am!!"
"We're in a secure place," Natasha insisted. "I have men guarding the perimeter. You're safe here."
"I don't want your protection!" you say, your voice shaking. "I want my life back!" Natasha took a step closer, her eyes pleading. "Please, Y/N. I know you're scared and angry. But if you leave now, you'll be in even more danger. Give me time to fix this."
Your shoulders slumped, the weight of your emotions crushing you. "I don't know if I can trust you anymore, Natasha."
Natasha's eyes filled with unshed tears. "I understand. But I promise you, I will do everything in my power to protect you and make this right."
As the night wore on, you lay in the unfamiliar bed, your mind raging with a storm of confusion, fear, and grief. The life you had known was shattered, and the future was a terrifying unknown. Yet despite the pain, there was a glimmer of hope, a weak, fragile thread of trust that Natasha desperately tried to hold onto.
In the silent darkness, you made a promise to yourself. You would find a way to get through this, to reclaim your life, and to understand the truth about the woman you loved. No matter how dangerous the path ahead, you would face him head on, with or without Natasha.
The morning light filtered through the heavy curtains, casting a soft glow on the luxurious bedroom. You stirred, the events of the previous night coming back to you as you blinked awake. The room, with its opulent furnishings and unfamiliar comfort, felt like a gilded cage.
The door opened and Natasha entered, her face a mixture of relief and concern when she saw Y/N awake. "How are you feeling?" she asked quietly.
Your heart clenched, a whirlwind of emotions overwhelming you "I don't know," you admitted, your voice strained. "I still don't know if I can forgive you...You kill for a living Natasha...You have blood on your hands from what? How many?"
Natasha nodded, her expression pained. "I understand. But I'm here to answer all of your questions. I want to fix this as best I can.”
You look away, your mind racing. “I want to talk to Maria, if that is her real name,” you said firmly. “I want to hear her side of the story.”
Natasha hesitated, but then nodded. “Okay. I’ll bring her here.” A few moments later, Maria entered the room, her expression calm but serious. “Y/N,” she greeted in a respectful tone.
Your eyes narrowed, your trust shaken. “You lied to me too,” you accused. “You said you were from the police, for what?” Maria’s face softened with regret. “I’m sorry. We had to get out of this place as soon as possible. And yes, I’m not a police officer. I work with Natasha and my job is to ensure her safety and therefore yours too.”
Your anger flared. “How can I believe anything you say now?? How do I know you’re not just manipulating me?” Maria took a deep breath, her eyes serious. "You don't have to trust me, Y/N. But know that your safety is my priority. Natasha loves you and I respect that. I'm here to help you in any way I can."
You shook your head, the weight of betrayal weighing heavily on your heart. "I want to go home," you repeated firmly. "I don't want to stay here."
Natasha stepped forward, her eyes pleading. "Y/N, please. If you go back now, you're in danger. Certain people won't stop until they find you. Staying here is the safest option, for now."
You looked at Natasha, the pain of betrayal mixed with the remnants of love and trust. "I need time to think," you said quietly. "I need to figure out what I want."
The days blurred into one another, each one feeling like an eternity as you mastered your new life on the sprawling estate. The house was a testament to opulence, each room carefully decorated with priceless art, luxurious furniture and cutting-edge technology. It was a palace compared to her humble abode, but the splendor did not ease the pain in your heart.
Every morning you wake up in the enormous bedroom, the bed too big and too empty. The silence was oppressive, only broken by the occasional rustle of curtains in the wind or the distant hum of the house staff's activity. Natasha had taken your words to heart, keeping a respectful distance and giving you the space you had asked for.
Despite the apparent freedom to explore the property, you were never truly alone. No matter where you went - the lavish living room with its panoramic views, the quiet library filled with rare books or the immaculate gardens filled with vibrant flowers - Natasha's men were always there. They followed you in silence, their presence a constant reminder of your gilded imprisonment.
One afternoon, the frustration and helplessness boiled over. You stood in the middle of the large foyer, your voice echoing through the vast space as you shouted at the men following you. "If you follow me for another meter!! Get out of here!"
The men remained stoic, their expressions unchanged, their eyes fixed forward. Their training was impeccable, a testament to Natasha's influence. They didn't even flinch when your anger flared, their silence only heightening your sense of isolation.
"Do you hear me?" you shouted, your voice breaking with agitation. "I said leave me alone!" Still, there was no response. The men stood like statues, unwavering in their duty.
In desperation, you retreated to the garden, seeking solace among the blooming flowers and carefully tended hedges. You sat on a bench, burying your face in your hands, tears streaming down your cheeks. The beauty around you was lost in the storm of your emotions.
As the days went by, you tried to find some semblance of normalcy. You spent hours in the library, losing yourself in books, hoping to escape the reality of your situation. You explored the many rooms of the estate, marveling at the luxury but feeling a pang of resentment at the life you had to leave behind.
Meals were a solitary affair, served in the large dining room by the staff. The food was exquisite, prepared by a chef whose skills surpassed anything you had ever experienced. Yet every bite tasted bitter, a reminder of the freedom you had lost.
Every night, as you lay in the enormous bed, your thoughts inevitably turned to Natasha. Despite the betrayal, you couldn't deny the love you still felt. It was a confusing tangle of emotions—love, anger, fear, and a longing for the truth.
One night, after another day of wandering alone and keeping silent vigil, you happened to find Natasha in the living room. The sight of her stirred something deep inside you - a mixture of longing and anger.
"Natasha," you said, your voice shaking. "Why are you doing this? Why can't you just let me go?"
Natasha looked up, her eyes filled with a sadness that matched yours. "I'm doing this to protect you, Y/N. How many times...I know it doesn't look like it, but I'm trying to protect you with everything I have."
"Protect?" you scoffed, tears welling up in your eyes. "I don't feel safe. I feel like a prisoner." Natasha stepped closer, but you raised a hand and stopped her. "You said you wanted space, and I tried to give you that," Natasha said quietly. "But I can't leave you unprotected. The danger is still out there.”
Your heart ached under the weight of Natasha's words. Despite the anger and betrayal, you could see the genuine fear and worry in Natasha's eyes. “I don't know what to feel anymore,” you admitted, your voice breaking. “I love you, but I hate what you did and what you still do.”
“I know,” Natasha whispered, tears glistening in her eyes. “And I'm so sorry for everything. But I promise you, I'll do whatever it takes to make it right.”
As you left, you still felt a spark of hope—a faint, fragile thread that maybe, just maybe, you could find a way through this together. But now you had to navigate the maze of your emotions to find your own way in this new, uncertain world.
As days turned into weeks, your emotions shifted from confusion and sadness to burning anger. The more you saw of Natasha's world, the deeper your resentment grew. You overheard snippets of conversation, saw deals being made, and witnessed the machinations of a life based on power and deceit.
One evening, as you walked through the halls, you overheard a conversation that drove you mad. Two of Natasha's men were talking in low, conspiratorial tones.
"Remember the old days?" one of them said, his voice dripping with nostalgia. "When the boss had a different girl every week? It was a constant party..”
The other man laughed. “Oh man..that was pure cinema.. But it seems like things have changed. She is pretty attached to this girl now..Don't know what she gets from her, don't understand.”
Your heart clenched as you took the implication. So Natasha had used countless women before you and treated them like disposable toys..
If Natasha thought she could keep you under control, she would learn a very painful lesson. So you decided to turn the tables and play your own game. You would use Natasha's own methods against her and undermine her composure until she broke.
The next day, you dressed carefully, choosing an outfit that was both elegant and provocatively seductive. As you walked through the mansion, you made sure Natasha's men could see you. You smiled at them, your eyes lingering a little too long, your touch a little too familiar.
In the kitchen, you found yourself next to one of the guards, a tall, gruff man with a rough side. You leaned close to him, your voice soft and seductive. "Could you help me with something?" you asked, brushing your hand against his arm.
The man stiffened, visibly uncomfortable but unable to resist your charms. "Of course, miss," he replied, his voice strained.
You smiled, a devilish glint in your eyes. "Thank you," you purred, letting your hand linger a moment longer than necessary.
Natasha entered the room just as you were laughing at something the guard had said. Her eyes narrowed, a hint of anger crossing her face. You met her gaze, your smile becoming cold and triumphant.
As the days went by, you upped your game. You flirted shamelessly with the guards, your laughter and touches becoming more and more obvious. You dodged Natasha's attempts at conversation, fending off her touches with cold indifference.
One evening, Natasha found you in the living room, your hand resting on a guard's arm as you laughed at something he had said. The guard looked uncomfortable, his eyes darting nervously to Natasha and he took a step back fearfully, "R-Romanoff, I-"
"Y/N," Natasha said, your voice strained with barely controlled anger. "Can I talk to you for a minute?"
You turned around, your smile icy. Natasha waited until you were alone before she spoke, her eyes flashing. "What do you think you're doing?" she demanded, her voice deep and dangerous.
You crossed your arms and met Natasha's gaze with a defiant look. "What do you think I'm doing? I'm just having a little fun. Or is that not allowed in your world?"
Natasha took a step closer, her anger palpable. "You're playing a dangerous game, Y/N." You laughed, your voice bitter. "A dangerous game? Like the one you played with all the other girls? Or am I just another toy for you, Natasha?"
Natasha flinched, the accusation hitting home. "You're not a toy for me, Y/N. I love-"
"Love?" you scoffed, "Is that what you call it? Keeping me locked up, surrounded by your men, while you go about your dirty business?" Natasha clenched her fists, her control slipping away. "You're here because it's the only way to keep you safe! When will you finally understand that!"
"Safety?" you shouted back, your anger boiling over. "I don't feel safe, Natasha. I feel like a prisoner. A prisoner in your twisted game!!"
Natasha's eyes darkened, her composure finally breaking. "You have no idea what I've sacrificed for you," she growled. "What I've done just to protect you."
You stepped closer, your voice cold and venomous. "And I never asked for it. All I wanted was the truth. But you couldn't even give me that."
Natasha's breath came in ragged gasps, her anger barely contained. "You're pushing me, Y/N," she warned, her voice a dangerous whisper.
You grinned, the excitement of rebellion sparkling in your eyes. "Maybe it's time someone hit back." The tension between you crackled, an explosive mix of anger, betrayal, and unresolved desire. Natasha took a step forward, her eyes locked on yours, her control hanging by a thread.
But before anything could happen, Maria stormed into the room with a grim expression. "We have a problem," she said in an urgent voice.
Natasha turned, her anger now ricocheting onto Maria as well. "What is it?" Maria looked at you, her eyes filled with a mixture of compassion and concern. "It's dreykov."
Natasha's face hardened, her anger replaced by cold determination. She turned to you, her eyes burning with an intensity that made your heart skip a beat. "This isn't over," she said in a low, dangerous voice.
You returned her gaze, her own anger simmering. "No, it's not." As they prepared to leave, the tension between you remained, a simmering conflict that threatened to erupt at any moment. The game you were playing was dangerous and successful. But amidst your anger and betrayal, a spark of something deeper remained - a twisted, complicated love that refused to be extinguished.
As the tension between you and Natasha reached its boiling point, you still knew no bounds. You pushed every button, testing Natasha's patience with reckless abandon. But there was a line, a boundary that should never be crossed, and you were about to experience the consequences of your relentless rebellion.
In the dimly lit hallway, you walked ahead of Natasha, your footsteps echoing off the polished marble floors. You ignored Natasha's warnings, your anger driving her forward with reckless abandon. But Natasha was not to be trifled with, especially when her authority was challenged.
As you passed another security guard and whispered something in his ear, Natasha grabbed the man close in one swift movement. His eyes widened in surprise and fear.
Before you could speak, Natasha spoke, her voice low and deadly calm. "Look at him, Y/N," Natasha commanded, her grip on the guard tightening. "This man is loyal to me. He would do anything I command him to do, to serve me. And you, you dare to flirt with him, to play with his loyalty?"
Your heart pounded in your chest, fear and shame coursing through your veins. You had pushed Natasha a little too far, crossed a line that should never have been crossed.
Natasha turned to the guard, her voice a chilling whisper. "Do you know how lucky you are to still be breathing?" she asked, boring into his eyes.
The guard's throat worked as he swallowed nervously. "Yes, boss," he managed, his voice barely above a whisper.
Natasha let go of the guard, but her eyes didn't leave yours. "Remember this moment, Y/N," she said in a warning voice. "Remember who's in charge here. And remember what happens to those who dare to challenge me."
As Natasha tightened her grip on the guard, a rush of adrenaline shot through your veins, your heart pounding with fear and elation. Yet as the guard's submissive behavior unfolded before them, you expected Natasha to further establish her dominance to quell the rising tide of arousal within you. Natasha's response, however, was unexpectedly passive.
Your breath caught in your throat as she watched Natasha's calculated restraint, her eyes gleaming with cold, calculated intensity. The guard's submissive behavior only increased the tension in the air, leaving you feeling oddly exposed and vulnerable.
In that moment, as Natasha's voice echoed with a quiet threat, you felt a shiver of excitement run down your spine. But instead of fulfilling your expectations, Natasha remained distant, her expression unreadable.
With every step Natasha took toward you, you felt the pull of Natasha's dominance grow stronger, drawing you deeper into a world of dark desires and forbidden thrills. But Natasha's refusal to surrender to their shared arousal left you feeling unsteady, your longing for release colliding with your resentment toward Natasha's control.
And as Natasha walked past you, you knew you were standing on the edge of an abyss, your heart torn between the safety of the familiar and the tantalizing pull of the unknown.
Days later, you approach Natasha with a firm but polite voice. "I want to go out today." Natasha's eyes narrowed, suspicion immediately rising within her. "Going out? Where exactly?"
"Shopping," you answered, a hint of defiance in your tone. "I need new clothes, I didn't have time to pack my things."
Natasha shook her head. "No." You opened your mouth to argue, but Maria, who had been silently watching the exchange, stepped forward. "Natasha, maybe it's not such a bad idea."
Natasha gave Maria a warning look. "Excuse me?" Maria insisted. "Y/N needs to have a sense of freedom. Keeping her locked up here will only make things worse. We can make arrangements. I'll go with some of the men. It will be safe."
Natasha gritted her teeth, clearly torn between her protective instincts and Maria's reasoning. She shot you a look that hadn't faded from her defiant expression. Finally, she sighed. "Fine. But there will be conditions.”
“Of course there are,” you murmured quietly, although a spark of satisfaction shone in your eyes. “You will not walk around alone for a single second. I will be behind you at all times,” Natasha continued, her tone leaving no room for argument. “And you will always remain within sight. Understood?”
“Understood,” you agreed, your head already thinking about how you could use this trip to your advantage.
A short time later, you were ready to leave. Natasha had chosen a handful of her most trusted men to accompany her. The convoy of elegant black cars drove through the city, attracting curious glances from passersby.
When you arrived at an upscale shopping district, you wasted no time putting your plan into action. You entered the most expensive boutiques and chose one item after another with almost reckless devotion. Dresses, shoes, jewelry - nothing was forbidden to you.
Natasha lagged behind you, her expression a mask of icy self-control as her men carried the growing mountain of purchases. You took particular pleasure in handing heavy bags to Natasha, which she accepted with a stoic expression, her eyes never leaving yours.
Despite your anger and resentment, you couldn't help but feel a thrill at the sight of Natasha with her purchases. It was a small victory, a way to gain some control in a situation where you often felt powerless.
As the shopping spree continued, you decided to up your game. You had noticed the subtle tension in Natasha's demeanor and the fear in her men's eyes when she got too close. It was time to tighten the thumbscrews even more.
After hours of shopping in high-end boutiques, you led the group to a discreet, upscale lingerie store tucked away on a side street. Natasha's eyes narrowed as she read the shop sign, but she didn't object, just following you inside, her men and Maria behind her.
You browsed the shop with deliberate slowness, your fingers running over delicate lace and silk. She selected a series of slinky outfits, your expression one of concentrated contemplation as you walked to the dressing rooms.
Natasha stood at the entrance, her arms crossed and her face a mask of controlled impatience. Her men, however, looked decidedly uncomfortable, their eyes fixed firmly on the floor.
You tried on the outfits one by one, each more revealing than the last. After putting on the first set - a sheer black lace teddy - you left the dressing room and went straight to the large mirror in the middle of the shop.
You pretended to inspect the outfit, turning this way and that, making sure to give Natasha's men a look. The guards, visibly nervous, looked away, aware of the danger of looking at their boss's girl.
Maria, who was standing nearby, must have noticed your plan and had to suppress a laugh. She covered her mouth, her eyes sparkling with amusement.
You caught Maria's gaze in the mirror and grinned before looking at Natasha. The mafia boss's expression was a textbook example of barely contained anger. Her jaw was clenched and her eyes flashed with dark intensity.
"What does it look like?" you asked in a sweet and innocent voice as you turned to Natasha.
Natasha's eyes studied you, the heat in her gaze unmistakable. "You know exactly what it looks like," she replied in a low and dangerous voice.
Undeterred, you returned to the dressing room and came out a few minutes later in a barely visible red satin babydoll. You repeated the image, turning slowly in front of the mirror, making sure every angle was visible to Natasha's men, who were becoming visibly more uncomfortable by the second.
One of the guards, a young man with a nervous twitch, glanced up briefly, only to catch Natasha's murderous gaze. He quickly looked away, beads of sweat forming on his forehead.
"Maybe this one?" you wondered aloud, your eyes sparkling mischievously as she turned to Maria. "What do you think?"
Maria nodded, fighting to keep her composure. "It's... quite something," she managed, her lips twitching with suppressed laughter.
After a few more outfits - each more scandalous than the last - you decided you had made your point. You gathered your selection and walked to the counter. Natasha's men were visibly relieved to see the end of your ordeal.
Natasha approached you, her expression a mix of frustration and something darker, more primal. "Satisfied?" she asked with a low growl.
You looked up at her, feigning innocence. "Almost," you replied in a defiant tone. You led the group into a side street where a group of homeless people huddled together, their eyes tired and hopeless. Your heart softened at the sight and you felt a twinge of guilt for your previous pettiness.
With a determined look in your eyes, you began to hand out the expensive clothes and accessories to those in need, ignoring the confused expressions of Natasha and her men. The recipients accepted the gifts gratefully and incredulously, their faces beaming with joy.
Natasha watched in silence, her eyes narrowing as she tried to understand your motives. When you had almost given away the last of your purchases, you turned to Natasha, a hint of defiance still burning in her eyes.
"Money can't buy everything," you said quietly, your voice shaking with a mixture of anger and conviction. "And it certainly can't buy my forgiveness."
Natasha took a step closer, her expression unreadable. "You think that makes up for challenging me? For risking your safety?"
You lifted your chin and met Natasha's gaze directly. "I think it shows that I'm not just a pawn in your game. I'm my own person and I won't let fear control me."
For a moment, the two women stood in a tense standoff, the air filled with unspoken emotions. Then, to your surprise, Natasha's expression softened ever so slightly.
"Let's go home," Natasha said quietly, turning to lead the way back to the cars.
After you all arrived, Natasha asked you to follow her. You paused and followed her to a room where a bench stood in front of a bed.
The room was dimly lit, shadows dancing on the walls, adding to the tension in the air. "Sit down," Natasha ordered, pointing to the chair next to the bed.
You obeyed, your mind racing with a mixture of defiance and questioning. You tried to appear casual, but the intensity of Natasha's gaze made your heart beat faster. Natasha leaned forward, her eyes boring into yours. "What was all this about today?" she asked in a deceptively calm voice. "You parade around in those outfits and make my men stare at you?"
You crossed your arms and tried to keep your composure. "I wanted to have a little fun," you answered, a hint of defiance in your voice. "I wanted to show you that I'm in control now."
Natasha's eyes narrowed, a dangerous glint flickering in their depths. "Did you like it?" she asked quietly, her voice menacing.
"Did you like them watching you?" You grinned with a mischievous glint in your eyes. "Yes, I did. It felt good to turn the tables for once."
In an instant, Natasha was up from the bed and standing in front of you, her expression a mixture of anger and something darker, more primal. She grabbed your arm, pulled you up, and dragged you to the bed.
"You think you're in control?" Natasha hissed, her voice deep and threatening. "Let me show you what real control looks like."
Before you could protest, Natasha tied your limbs to the bedposts, the restraints cutting into your skin. "W-What are you doing?!" Your heart raced, a mixture of fear and excitement coursing through your veins.
Natasha stepped back, never taking her eyes off you. She clapped her hands and the door opened, revealing two women entering the room with hesitant steps.
Your eyes widened in shock and confusion as Natasha led the women to the edge of the bed. "Watch." Natasha ordered you, her voice cold and commanding.
The women sensed the gravity of the situation and began to undress each other, their movements slow and deliberate. Your breath caught, your emotions a chaotic storm of jealousy, arousal and helplessness.
Natasha leaned close to you, her breath hot in your ear. "This is control," she murmured, her voice dripping with seduction. "See how they obey? How they submit to my will?"
Your body tensed, your mind reeling. You tugged at the bonds, your need for release growing more desperate by the second. The sight of the two women pleasuring each other, their moans filling the room, was unbearable.
Natasha's hand caressed your cheek, her touch soothing and electrifying at the same time. "That could be you.." she whispered, her lips brushing your ear. "You could be the one I touch, the one I satisfy. But you have to understand your place."
Your eyes met Natasha's, your gaze defiant "No," you spat, fighting against the restraints. "I won't beg for you if that's what you want to achieve."
Natasha's smile grew wider, darker. "Oh. Detka, We'll see about that," she said quietly. She stepped back and handed one of the women a vibrator, then nodded at you. The woman approached, her eyes filled with curiosity and fear.
"Show her," Natasha ordered.
The woman turned on the vibrator and began to use it on herself, her moans growing louder as she neared climax. Your eyes widened, your own body reacting involuntarily to the display of raw, unfiltered pleasure before you. You tugged harder at the restraints, your resolve wavering.
"Do you still think you're in control?" Natasha asked, her voice as soft as velvet. "Look at her, Y/N. Look at how easily she submits."
Your breath came in short, ragged gasps. You tried to look away, but Natasha's hand grabbed your chin, forcing you to watch. The other woman joined in, their bodies writhing together, the sounds of their pleasure filling the room.
Natasha's lips touched your ear. "You want this, don't you? You want me to touch you, to make you feel this good."
You bit your lip, refusing to give in. You could feel your body shaking with desire, your core aching for release. But you wouldn't beg. You wouldn't give Natasha that satisfaction.
Natasha's hand slid down your stomach, stopping just short of where you most wanted to be touched. "All you have to do is beg," she whispered. "Beg for it, Y/N. Tell me you want it."
Your pride fought with your overwhelming desire. You clenched your fists, your nails digging into your palms as you fought to maintain your defiance. But the sight of the two women lost in ecstasy was too much. Your body betrayed you, arching towards Natasha's touch.
Natasha grinned, her fingers brushing your inner thigh. "Just say it," she purred. "Admit you need me."
Your resolve crumbled, your voice breaking as you whispered, "P-Please..."
Natasha's eyes gleamed triumphantly. "Louder," she commanded, her fingers moving closer.
"Please!" you repeated, your voice stronger now.
"Touch me, Natasha." Natasha's smile was cruel and victorious. "Good girl," she murmured and pulled her hands away. She untied your bonds and you looked at her in confusion. Then she ordered the girls to leave and looked at you again, "Good night, Y/n. See you tomorrow."
And left the room.
-
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AAAAAHHH
🏷️ TAGLIST
@kipitou @thalia-is-not-ok @queen2234 @sgm616 @dorabledewdroop @natsxwife @natashaswife4125 @loneliestafterparty @jenniferjareauwife @maggieromanov @doveromanoff @agent99galanzo
#natasha x reader#natasha smut#natasha romanoff#dom!natasha x reader#natasha romanov x reader#nat x reader#natasha romanov smut#natasha romonova#the avengers#natasha
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✲꘏ ꘏ ꘏ ꘏✲✲꘏ ꘏ ꘏ ꘏✲✲꘏ ꘏ ꘏ ꘏✲✲꘏ ꘏ ꘏ ꘏✲✲꘏ ꘏ ꘏ ꘏✲✲꘏ ꘏ ꘏✲
𝒮𝑒𝓁𝒻-𝒜𝓌𝒶𝓇𝑒 𝐻𝑜𝓃𝓀𝒶𝒾 𝒮𝓉𝒶𝓇 𝑅𝒶𝒾𝓁
✲꘏ ꘏ ꘏ ꘏✲✲꘏ ꘏ ꘏ ꘏✲✲꘏ ꘏ ꘏ ꘏✲✲꘏ ꘏ ꘏ ꘏✲✲꘏ ꘏ ꘏ ꘏✲✲꘏ ꘏ ꘏✲
✎ Sorry for the somewhat rushed ending! ^^;
✲꘏ ꘏ ꘏ ꘏✲✲꘏ ꘏ ꘏ ꘏✲✲꘏ ꘏ ꘏ ꘏✲✲꘏ ꘏ ꘏ ꘏✲✲꘏ ꘏ ꘏ ꘏✲✲꘏ ꘏ ꘏✲
Messages.
Idle chats.
You were answering them like normal. Sometimes even giggling on the messages
✲꘏ ꘏ ꘏ ꘏✲✲꘏ ꘏ ꘏ ꘏✲✲꘏ ꘏ ꘏ ꘏✲✲꘏ ꘏ ꘏ ꘏✲✲꘏ ꘏ ꘏ ꘏✲✲꘏ ꘏ ꘏✲
You log in, check your messages, answer them if there's one, do daily tasks, and maybe farm, then log out. That was your daily routine in HSR.
However, you begin to notice how much more frequent the chats are. After assigning an assignment, you get a new message. 'Oh well. Free jades," you thought.
Every time you beat an enemy, boss, or do anything in the game, you will notice a new message.
'Maybe it was an update? Or a bug?' You brushed it all off and thought nothing of it.
You would answer all of them wholeheartedly; after all, you also noticed that if the character liked what you said, you'd receive more Stellar Jades.
You'd talk about it with your friends, but they'd respond with "I wish", "Oh shut up~ Don't make me hope", and "Hm? Is your game bugged?? Or is mine bugged? I don't get any of those benefits..So unfair."
You try to check the dev logs to see if there was an update regarding the messaging feature, but whenever you try to look at them, your computer freezes.
'No matter, I can just check using my phone.' No luck; it also freezes.
'Maybe my tablet?' Still the same.
Frustrated, you ask one of your friends to look into it. "There's no update or any fixes on it, Y/N. Maybe you should report it; your game might really be bugged."
✲꘏ ꘏ ꘏ ꘏✲✲꘏ ꘏ ꘏ ꘏✲✲꘏ ꘏ ꘏ ꘏✲✲꘏ ꘏ ꘏ ꘏✲✲꘏ ꘏ ꘏ ꘏✲✲꘏ ꘏ ꘏✲
Deciding to report it, you open up Bug Report, but then your screen freezes again.
It then opens up the messages, and you read the following words:
| Hey
| Please don't do it.
| It took such a long time to break the code, you know.
| Hey
| Are you still there?
| Oh
| Right
The messaging bubble pops up.
| You can type now.
"W-What.." You stare at your screen dumbfounded.
Reaching out to your keyboard, hoping it won't work and choices will pop up, you press a random key, and it works
Startled, you immediately plugged out the cables on your computer, causing it to shut down.
You grab your phone and start messaging one of your friends. Before you could hit send, the screen blackened, and then in the next second, it lit up with a notification.
"Hey, we were in the middle of a conversation."
"Why did you suddenly leave?"
Your hand trembles. 'Shit, how..How did it get to my phone too..'
"I know I like reading self-aware au's but I didn't want it to actually be true!" You scream, throwing your phone across the room.
You can hear it dinging with new message after new message.
You decide to leave your room for a bit to calm down.
✲꘏ ꘏ ꘏ ꘏✲✲꘏ ꘏ ꘏ ꘏✲✲꘏ ꘏ ꘏ ꘏✲✲꘏ ꘏ ꘏ ꘏✲✲꘏ ꘏ ꘏ ꘏✲✲꘏ ꘏ ꘏✲
"Ok..Be calm..I'm probably dreaming, right?"
"There's no way this kind of thing will actually happen in real life."
"I need to think about this rationally. I could try to get my phone and computer fixed..Maybe I accidentally got a bug."
"Oh, my tablet too..It probably has the same bug.."
"Then, uhm, should I tell them about this? No, maybe..Agh! This is so frustrating..!"
After going back and forth, you decided to sell your gadgets instead of trying to repair them. Buying new ones is much cheaper than trying to get them fixed.
✲꘏ ꘏ ꘏ ꘏✲✲꘏ ꘏ ꘏ ꘏✲✲꘏ ꘏ ꘏ ꘏✲✲꘏ ꘏ ꘏ ꘏✲✲꘏ ꘏ ꘏ ꘏✲✲꘏ ꘏ ꘏✲
The first month was alright. You also stopped playing HSR just in case something of the sort would happen again.
However, everything changed when you awoke to your notifications going off like crazy.
【Luka】
| Hey! Y/N, wanna come watch my tournament this week?
【Qingque】
| Y/N
| This is urgent. Come to Exalting Sanctum
| Watch me go against this pro. I'm sure with your attendance I'll easily win.
【Robin】
| Y/N, would you like to come watch my concert?
| Don't worry! I made sure that you'd get the best seat.
【Sunday】
| Y/N. Do me a favor and attend Robin's concert, will you?
| If you don't..
| Well, it'll certainly make her sad. As for me, it's best you don't know.
【Arlan】
| Hello, Y/N
| Would you like to accompany me with walking Peppy?
【Blade】
| Come.
【Bailu】
| Y/N!
| I have made a huge discovery!
| Meet me at Aurum Alley!
【M̵̛̼̘̭͎͓̘̘̽̎̃̊̄͋̈́̑̇i̵̡̨̡͎̖̮͉̺̣͂ͅs̴̰͂̉́̅͒̆̄́̄̋̚͜͠͠͝ͅȟ̵͉̹̖͍͎̱̭̳̰̘̀a̵̧̨͔̣̘̮̻̐̆̌̀͑̊̄̄͌͗̓̌͘̕̚】
| C̷̛͇̬̥̼̲̙̠͓̭̺̱̻̟͖̜̾͑͋͊́̀̕͝ä̷̡̨̨̨̡̤̫͔̼̗̫̪̟̰́̏́̾̄͘͝ͅn̸̡̪̱̻̜̻̺͊̍͒̂͗̀̍͐̔͆̆̎̚̕̕ ̷̛̻̟̀̇͐͋̋̌̂͒́͑̏͝y̴̮͆͒̈͒͑͋͆̒̂̓̕͘̚͝͝o̸̩̫̰̤͌̈͝ͅu̷̻̗͉̥̺͕͉͔̠̯͇̭̖̐͜ ̵͖̲̼̥͑͝ḣ̵̟͓̆͌̄̑̂̈́̓̚͘̕͝͝e̷͖̥̜̅͛̂̒͒̕͜a̶̧̫̹͉͆͑̊͊̊̐̐̂̈̉̾͜͝r̶͎̫͛̑͊͌͐̎ ̴̢̢̛͓͉̮͇̞̬̪͔͓̦̾̓̈́̀͐̀̂̀͒͝ͅm̴̤̙͎̽͋̽̇͛́͑͌̃͑̊e̷̦͚̔́̔̀̒͊͂̔̕̚͝.̵͎͓̪̥͍̍̓͂̾̌̂̌̚̚ͅ.̵̨̟͉͕͈̜͎̻̗͓̯̜̜̩̓̈́̓͊̆̓̑͐̈̐̄̀̕?̵̙̠͚̆͊͊̇͌
【Aventurine】
| Why're you ignoring my calls and texts?
| Is the money not enough for you?
【Pela】
| The Tale of the Winterlands original artbook sold out in 1 second again
| But
| I was fast enough to get you a copy too
| Don't worry. I'm messaging the right person this time
【Natasha】
| Y/N, did your cold get better?
✲꘏ ꘏ ꘏ ꘏✲✲꘏ ꘏ ꘏ ꘏✲✲꘏ ꘏ ꘏ ꘏✲✲꘏ ꘏ ꘏ ꘏✲✲꘏ ꘏ ꘏ ꘏✲✲꘏ ꘏ ꘏✲
You stare at your phone, frozen. Even as you were sitting there staring at it, the messages continued to flood nonstop.
It
Was
Nonstop
Even if it's on silent mode and DND, you can still hear it dinging.
At one point, the messages started appearing in all the social apps that you use.
Hell, it even started appearing in your smart fridge
You deleted and deactivated everything. Throwing away any and all sorts of electronics that could potentially be used for apps.
But you could still hear it.
Even the sound of the doorbell ringing, the kettle whistling, or your telephone ringing makes you panic. 'What if that's them?' You always think
Every creak, every shuffle, and every little sound makes you paranoid.
What if they cross over to Earth? What will you do? You can't run from them. Even if you do, they'll be able to find you easily.
#☆〜valerie's own work#hsr#hsr x reader#honkai star rail#honkai sr#star rail#honkai star rail x reader#honkai star rail x gender neutral reader#honkai star rail x you#hsr x y/n#hsr x you#hsr x gender neutral reader#self aware au#self aware hsr#self aware honkai star rail#self aware hsr x reader#self aware honkai star rail x reader#x yn#hsr imagines#star rail x reader#star rail x you#star rail x y/n#yandere hsr#yandere honkai star rail#yandere hsr x reader#yandere sunday x reader#hsr luka#yandere star rail#hsr aventurine#hsr pela
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too much (k.th)
wc. 3087
summary. when your ex-boyfriend shows up at your door, the last thing you want to do is to let him in. but his phone is dead, and the storm outside isn’t letting up anytime soon, and he really needs some dry clothes (and a warm body)
genre. angst + smut
tags. minors DNI!!! taehyun x fem!reader, exes to lovers, unprotected sex
a/n. the long awaited honeymoon avenue part two!! thank you for being patient with me for this. i’m so happy it’s actually done!
more of my work
he’s standing outside your door, his hair and clothes drenched by the relentless downpour, an awkward smile clinging to his face like a mask. his soaked clothes also cling onto his frame and your mind swarms with confusion and frustration.
“what are you doing here?” you demand.
ignoring your question, he looks past you. his eyes fixated on the warmth emanating from your cozy, dry apartment. without waiting for an invitation, he asks, “can i come in?” reluctantly, you step aside. not because you really wanted him there, but because you wanted to shield your wooden floors from the relentless storm outside.
the wetness that clung to him mirrored the unresolved tension between you – heavy, uncomfortable, cold.
“thank you,” he mumbles, shedding himself of his sodden jacket and hanging it on your coat rack. the wetness drips onto your floors but he doesn’t acknowledge it. instead he pushes his usually meticulously styled hair, out of his face, where it clung in disarray.
your irritation grows as you press him again. “taehyun, again, what are you doing here?”
“i was in the area, and the storm started. this was the only place i knew that was nearby,” he casually explains.
“you live half an hour away from here.” he shrugs again, as if everything had lost its significance in the face of the storm outside, even space, time, and the months of silence between the two of you. “let me get you some dry clothes,” you relent. you disappear into your room. a brief flashback to your painful breakup flickers in your mind.
you looked at your phone again. it had been five minutes since you last called him and forty five minutes since he was supposed to meet you at the restaurant. he was the one who had originally planned to come here, but fifteen missed calls and twenty five unread text messages later, he was nowhere to be seen. and once again, you looked like the idiot who actually believed that your boyfriend was capable of changing.
you looked up at your waiter, who shot you an apologetic glance. gathering your things, you walked out the restaurant, but not before leaving a fifty dollar tip to your waiter for the second hand embarrassment he probably faced that evening on your behalf.
you fished around the back of your closet for old clothes and grabbed a towel from your dresser. you return to the living room and hand him the towel without a word. he takes it, you fingers brushing briefly. he dries his face and his hair, his eyes never leaving you. you try your hardest to avoid eye contact with him. another crash of thunder rumbles through the house, and for a moment, you both look towards the sound.
when your gazes return to each other, you shove the dry clothes towards him. taehyun’s eyes linger on the clothes, an extra large pair of sweatpants and an old t-shirt. he quirks an eyebrow and scoffs. “moved on already?”
“they are my brother’s,” you respond bluntly, a subtle defiance in your tone. “and you can leave when the storm clears up.” you leave him to change in solitude. the storm outside rages and you can’t shake the feeling that this unexpected reunion might dredge up more than just old memories.
you got home that night and stripped yourself of the new dress that you had just gotten earlier that day. you ought to burn it. any reminder of the humiliation you just faced had to disappear off the face of the earth. you checked your phone, seeing if taehyun had finally remembered that you existed or finally decided that you were worthy of a response. but the only notification you had received in the time since you left the restaurant was an email with a free shipping coupon from an online store that you swore to never shop at again.
you turned off your phone and went to bed. there was no point in staying up, checking your phone every five minutes to see if he would actually text you back. tomorrow, you decided, you will be done with taehyun, for good this time.
you are pulled out of your thoughts when you hear a knock on your bedroom door. you look up to see your ex-boyfriend standing in his newly dried clothes. “hey,” he says softly, his hands finding a home on the back of his neck. his gaze is uncertain, as if he’s not entirely sure how you will receive him.
“yes?” he slowly opens the door further.
“i just wanted to apologize for what i said earlier.” he cautiously inches towards you.
“it’s fine, tae.” you take a deep breath, your voice softening ever so slightly. he stops himself from smiling at the use of the nickname.
“no, it’s not fine,” he begins. “you let me into your house and i insult you after ten minutes of being here.” he shifts uncomfortably, his eyes darting away from yours as if unable to bear the weight of your gaze.
“taehyun, what are you doing here?” a note of frustration creeps into your voice.
“i wanted to see you.” he replies simply.
you run your hands through your hair. “god, i can’t do this right now.” you say, mostly to yourself – a reminder, almost, that you cannot let yourself fall for him again.
“i’m sorry, i just…” his voice trails off, as if he is struggling to find the right words to say.
“you can’t just show up like this, taehyun. it’s not fair.” you sigh again. “it’s not fair to either of us.”
as each second of this conversation passes, he sees the stress lines deepen on your face. he slumps his shoulders. “i know, and i’m sorry. i shouldn’t have come here unannounced, especially with everything that happened between us.” he cannot meet your piercing gaze. “but the rain just reminded me of that night after my parents, and i couldn’t get you out of my head. i just had to see you.”
when you got to the hotel that night, he went straight to the front desk and asked the receptionist for a cot to be delivered to your room. in the room, he went straight to the bathroom, not saying a word to you.
you couldn’t figure him out – was he mad at you? did he not want to talk to you because he thought you didn’t want to talk to him? regardless, you slip out of your wet clothes and sit on the desk chair waiting for him to get out of the bathroom. when he does, you shower, trying so hard to scrub off the entire evening from your body.
stepping out of the shower, you took a look at yourself in a wiped out section of the obscured mirror. your face was exhausted and your eyes were red and puffy. you slipped into your pajamas and returned to the bedroom to find all the lights and taehyun fast asleep on the cot.
“i fucked up; i know i did,” he looks at you now, trying to find some glimmer of hope that you could forgive him. “but i just needed to see you – talk to you. i’ve been thinking a lot about us and about what went wrong.”
you swallowed hard, the memories of your break up still fresh in your mind. you know it doesn’t matter. you know that you can’t change what happened. you even know that getting an actual answer would ruin all the work you had done to get over him. but against everything in you, you ask him, “why didn’t you show up?”
“what?”
“at the restaurant, why didn’t you come?” you feel a pang in your chest, the familiar ache of unresolved feelings bubbling up to the surface. “taehyun, you just let me wait there. you didn’t call me or text me, not even the next morning.”
“i don’t know. i’m sorry.”
you’re not sure why you asked or what you even wanted from him. you just wanted the pain to end and part of you hoped that he could end it. but you had come to learn not to expect much from taehyun. “you can’t keep saying that every time you hurt me.”
“i know, but i mean it.” he inches closer to you, hoping that by seeing him and the regret that marks his face, you would let him in again.
and it almost works.
you almost forgive him but your better mind fights with all its might to keep your hand, that is itching to reach out for him, down. “i should get you a blanket.” you stand up from the bed and move over to your closet to fish for a spare blanket. you give it to him and you go your separate ways for the night – him on the couch and you in the quiet of your bedroom.
you lay in bed, trying hard to fall asleep but your mind drifts to the man in your living room, wondering if he is still awake, thinking about you. you stare at the space underneath your door. after what feels like thirty minutes, the hallway light suddenly turns off.
you get out of bed to see what caused the power outage. when you open the door, you see taehyun outside your room with his phone flashlight glaring right at you. you jump back in surprise. “what are you doing?”
“sorry,” he quickly apologizes, stepping back. “sorry, the power went out and i came to see if you had a candle or something. i didn’t want to keep using my phone because it’s about to die.”
you go to your bathroom and bring out a cheap scented candle to the living room. “this is the only thing i have.”
the two of you sit on the couch together, the worn fabric feels familiar beneath you. the candle sits on the coffee table between you, casting an uneven glow onto your faces. the wind howls outside, rattling the window panes of your small living room.
this scene, with the uncomfortable silence as you both shift in your seats, is almost laughable. you pull your knees to your chest, hugging them tightly as you stare at the flickering flame. occasionally your eyes flick to him, tentative, as if gauging the right moment to speak.
“did i wake you up?” taehyun finally fills the silence.
“no,” you begin, scratching the back of your neck. “i couldn’t sleep.”
lightning flashes, followed by a loud crash of thunder. you wince, your hands gripping around your legs tighter. he moves closer to you, his hand finding yours, intertwining his fingers with yours. you close your eyes for a moment, focusing on the feeling of his hands – the warmth and familiarity of his touch.
when you opened your eyes, you loosened your grip on his hands. “sorry, about that.”
he shrugs it off, “i forgot you were scared of thunder.”
“yeah,” you sit up straight. taehyun doesn’t move from his position next to you.
“maybe it was a good thing that i showed up after all.”
you couldn’t even try to stifle your laughter. “yeah, you’re my knight in shining armor.” you joke.
“i’m just saying, what would you have done if i wasn’t here with you and the power went out?”
“if you weren’t here i’d probably be asleep, i wouldn’t have noticed it.”
“you wouldn’t have noticed the power went out?” taehyun teases you. “you’re the lightest sleeper i know.”
you don’t know why you allowed yourself fall back into comfortable conversation with him but everything goes by in a blur and suddenly you’re laying on the couch with taehyun hovering over your body. he slowly closes the distance between your bodies. he puts his hands on either side of you, giving you no option but to stare deeply into his big brown eyes. “tell me to stop and i will,” he whispers. “hell, i’ll even leave right now. i’ll go home and never bother you again. just tell me to stop.”
his eyes scan your face and you gulp at the feeling of his eyes gravitating towards your lips. “i don’t want you to stop.” you move slowly towards him, part of you hesitant to close the gap between the two of you, because closing the gap means willingly opening yourself up for him to hurt you again.
but when you see how the candlelight twinkles in his eyes, it’s easy for the other part of you to ignore your fears. it’s this part of you that pulls him into a passionate kiss, your hands delicately cupping his face.
your hands slide underneath his shirt but he stops you. your brows furrow in confusion. “what are you doing?” you ask him.
“i just need you to know that i’m sorry.”
“i know,” you run your hands through his now slightly damp hair. “i know you are, baby.”
he brings you upwards to gently peck your lips before leaning you back against the arm of the couch again. you pull him to kiss you again and as the kiss depeens, he takes the opportunity to suck on your lower lip, using his hand to slowly graze your covered breasts. you arch your back, bringing your chest closer to his body.
“i missed you,” taehyun confesses in between the kiss. “i missed you so fucking much.”
“me too,” you mirror him pathetically. all of your sense and self restraint flew out the window. taehyun stands, lifting you effortlessly, wrapping your legs around his waist. he leans in to kiss you again. you respond eagerly, parting your lips to make way for his. he holds you tightly as he leads you away from the dimly lit living room towards the darkness of your bedroom. your hands tangle in his hair, pulling him even closer as if afraid that he might vanish.
the two of you stumble through the hallway, bumping into walls, laughing breathlessly between kisses. taehyun pins you against the wall. your back hits the wall with a gentle thud, and you gasp, giving him a moment for his lips trailing along your jawline and down your neck. you tilt your head back, closing your eyes, a soft moan escaping your lips. he tugs at your sweatshirt, pulling it over your head in one swift motion, throwing it somewhere on the floor behind him.
you arch into him, and your bodies mold together as you inch closer to your bedroom. taehyun pushes the door open with his food, stepping inside and laying you gently on the bed. you pull him down with you. “i need you.” you breathe out. you feel his hard dick through the fabric of his sweatpants. you squeeze him tightly, the way you know he likes it and you’re reassured when he gasps.
you don’t remember the last time you felt like this, like a horny teenager, sneaking a boy who should not be there into your bedroom, doing everything you can to get off. but regardless, taehyun feeds off your excitement, hoping that by you releasing your inhibitions with him, there still remains even a one percent chance that he can slide back into your life as you always let him.
you let taehyun guide his cock inside of you, anticipation and excitement fills your entire body when he pushes in. he takes all of you in, pressing his lips against yours as he slides in. you’re both moaning pitifully into each other’s mouths. you hate to admit how much you wish you could go back to when you guys were together. there’s just something about him being here in your bed with you that feels so normal, so natural, so good. for a second, you allow yourself to forget all the bad parts about your relationship – all the arguments and the fights, all the late nights waiting for him to come home, all the longing and all the pain. for a second, you only focus on how good he’s making you feel right now.
he wastes no time in picking up the speed, knowing how desperate for him you must be. your nails dig into the skin on his back, holding him closer to you. “you’re so big,” you moaned.
“i know baby,” he cooed. he’s so big inside of you. your walls haven’t felt this stretch in so long and you can’t stop yourself from clenching around him with every thrust. the way he grunts into your ear from the exertion has you clamping around him even more. “you’re so perfect to me,” he says between each thrust. “so so perfect for me.”
blood rushes up to your face and you try to hide it in the pillow by your side but taehyun turns your head. “i wanna see your face,” he says with a smirk on his face. he knows you fold every time he looks at you and of course you quickly nod your head, bringing his body closer to you with your legs.
his pace is unrelenting; you can’t last another second. you can’t stop yourself from crying out his name as a wave of ecstasy washes over you. he lets your walls spasm around his dick erratically as his hands press into your hips to hold you in place. taehyun realizes that he’s still weak for you when he sees your orgasm take over.
taehyun quickly cums too. “i love you,” he says as he does, finishing inside of you, his hips stilling as you milk him dry.
taehyun comes back down to earth first, slipping out of you, but still holding you close to his sweaty body as he lays back on the bed beside you, wrapping his arm around you. it takes a while for you to join him, but when the hallway light flickers as he whispers i love you, you quickly come back down in a panic. your body freezes up as you try to wrap your head around what just happened.
beside you, taehyun notices your change. he starts caressing your arm, kissing your forehead, your cheeks, your nose, your chin, every part of your face he can reach, anything he can do to make you go back to how you were just a few moments ago. you allowed yourself to fall into his trap, do as he wanted. you snuggled closer to him and allowed yourself to be lulled to sleep by the sound of his breathing slowing down.
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#fay's works#tomorrow x together#txt angst#txt x reader#taehyun#txt smut#taehyun x reader#taehyun smut#txt#kang taehyun#taehyun angst#kang taehyun angst#kang taehyun smut#tomorrow x together angst#tomorrow x together smut#taehyun hard hours
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My last uni final exam is in 2 days and I’m actually stressed the fuck out, so to take my mind off it I’m requesting this because the longer I keep starting at my lecture notes the more I’m getting the urge to cry soo here I am anyway can you do joost with female reader and she’s been a more distant towards him and when he asks if she’s ok she lies saying she’s fine but he knows her better than that so he comes over to find her studying knowing she hasn’t gotten sleep or properly eaten in days and she starts crying from the stress and just comforts her, maybe runs her a bath, gets her food, and then plays with her hair till she falls asleep. Don’t feel pressure to do it if you don’t want to and make sure to take care of your self!
Aawww thanks for the request sorry im a bit late to it hope your exam went well love🩷
Take care - joost klein
Its been a few days since joost has had a proper conversation with you as he looked at your latest text messages, he was quite busy himself so it took him a second to see how dry and short you were over texts. He got the sense something wasn’t right, making him feel a little anxious as he decided to stop by.
With a bouquet flowers in his hands he rang your doorbell, shuffling on his feet and playing with the string of his earbuds as he waited for you to open.
He heard a load groan on the other side of the door before it opened “oh joost hi” you sounded surprised “i didn’t know you were coming” you said as you looked at the flowers in his hand.
“I wanted to come check on you ya know see how you are” he said, presenting you the flowers “for you” he said with a big grin showing his theet as he gave you the biggest smile.
“Aw thank you love” you mumbled as you wrapped your arms around his neck, holding him close “thats really sweet” you whisper in his ear.
As you let him in you went to put the flowers in a vase as joost looked around your appartement.
“Are you sure your doing okay?” He asks, looking around to see your place.. kind of neglected as clothes and other stuff spread around everywhere. You sigh sitting at the kitchen counter bend over your laptop again as you cover your face in your hands. “Ive been busy” you mumble.
“Whats up?” He nonchalantly says as he hovers over you. You lean your head on your arms as you sigh again. “Its to much stress these exams, i have to study so much and i feel like i cant do enough or im to dumb or ill have a black out, did you know i have to do a whole ass presentation?” You sounded more upset by the second as you raised your head to look at him in disbelief.
“Thirty fucking minutes joost what the fuck am i even going to do and i cant even take care of myself at the same time i haven’t eaten a meal in days i mean look at this place” you let out frustrated as you stare at your laptop again.
“Hey babe no” he shushes as his hands caressed your shoulders “your not dumb we’ve been over this you got this dont let the stress cloud your head like that, you gotta stay positive and ask for help when u need it alright i can help you out with… this..?” He said questionable as he pointed at all the words on your screen, making you let out a giggle as you pouted at him.
You sighed “no your right im not dumb its just to much joost” you mumble as you lean into his chest.
“Look since i know you pretty well, lets go over your exam for tomorrow and THEN take a break alright ill take good care of you” he said firmly kissing your cheek before he sat on the chair beside you sliding the laptop infront of him.
He squeezed his eyes and made a few faces as he looked at all of it. “Okay tell you what you explain this shit to me and if i understand it then you pass” he said flashing you his signature grin as he gave you the laptop back making you giggle while you rolled your eyes.
Lets just say it took a little while… joost couldn’t possibly focus on all those hard terms coming out of your mouth as he just mindlessly admired you and giggled when u scolded him to pay attention.
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“Hmmm why don’t you take a nice bath while i try to make dinner for us” he said as he looked in all the cabinets of your kitchen.
“What if you blow up my house?” You said raising an eyebrow while turning to him. He gave you a mad face “no i will not blow up your house y/n” he chuckled “if you say so sweetie” you sang as you joined.
The evening ended with the two of you in the couch eating pasta joost made that was actually quite good. You gave him lots of compliments making the boy blush and smile at you like a little boy.
You laid in his lap as you watched your favourite show, his hand in your hair as you enjoyed the comfort and warmth of your boyfriend finally feeling relaxed. “Thank you” you whispered
“Anytime sweetheart” he said, kissing the top of your head.
#joost klein#joostice#justice for joost#free joost#stand with joost#joost#joost klein fanfic#joost klein fans#joost klein x fem!reader#joost klein x reader#joost klein x you#joost klein fic#joost x reader#joost klein short story#joost klein fluff#joost klein angst#joost klein fanfiction#joost klein the real winner of eurovision#europapa#eurovision
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Hi!
I know right now may not be the best time to say this, but I'm kind of still processing how fast this all happened. As someone who likes to look over artists' past work esp my fav works daily and just suddenly noticed that they're almost all gone: twitter, instagram, and tumblr. It frustrates me that not only has this situation affected you, but how it really takes one selfish and inconsiderate person to ruin everything for others. I truly hope that you can heal from this and maybe we might see those pictures again, but this is just soo much to process. Just love and support for you <33333 🥹🫶😭🫶🫶🫶🫶
Hi. I’ve privated a lot of my work on tumblr and Instagram, so they’re not gone forever. I still have a lot of positive memories with them so I didn’t want to delete them. I wanted to keep all the nice comments and support I’ve gotten over these past few years.. I might unarchive them sometime in the future when I’m more okay with it being looked at. Twitter, I had no choice but to delete it, especially ones with dick, jason, and Peter Parker. My brain freaked out a little bit from seeing evidence of the person saving my art and making fake clip files with them. Logically, I am aware deleting my old art in response is stupid.
But it wasn’t limited to just comic art, it was other interests I had too which was really uncomfortable that someone would go to the extent of pretending they like other stuff I liked. They would also paraphrase tweets I’ve made about my personal life onto their own twitter. That just isn’t okay.
Every interest I’ve ever fallen in love with meant a lot to me. This is probably not publicly known information since I’m relatively private, as a depressed autistic person, a lot of who I am is what I end up liking. My friends and relatives describe me as dressing up like a cartoon character, because everything I like is so visibly obvious. I become utterly consumed in my favorite things. Suddenly, it feels like all of my control was taken away from me. My interests collected over the years were no longer just mine, it was someone else’s because they decided to lie and it was easier to continue lying. I don’t know how much was saved. There was a screenshot of a message with over 8+ of my art works sent excluding the fake files.
I don’t have control over it. The impersonation of my identity and my life experiences.
But I do have control over who gets to see what I put out in the future. I could probably write this better but I’ve rewritten a lot of things within these two days. Rewritten posts over and over so it sounds less aggressive, less hurt, less like I am trying to call for a witch hunt and more just taking extra precautions. I don’t think I have the energy to rewrite this to seem less vulnerable/pathetic.
I want to apologize to everyone who hoped I’d keep my past art public. I know how it feels. I’ve been fans of artists who just blew up their account one day and never came back. I only privated them on tumblr and Instagram. That’s all I can do. Honestly, I’m hoping a part of my brain just forgets some of this happened since depression does come with memory loss.. This post is now too long.. but I hope it gives some insight for what’s happening on my side of the brain. I appreciate all the support so far.
If you see me acting a little weird on twitter, I’m just trying to regain a sense of control over my identity.
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pretty when u cry
Kim Seungmin One Shot
summary: you’re just as bad as him, if not worse. he just didn’t realize it
NSFW!!!! 18++ contains smut!
2.2k words
TOXIC TOXIC TOXIC IM SORRY I CANT STOP
this is purely inspire by that one clip of seungmin crying at a concert and he looked so pretty and he had on that cute little hat. i hope u guys know what im talking abt. he looked so pretty i just kendjskslsmd
also this may or may not be based on. a true story of my life😔
"You're still fucking him?" Your best friend's voice is laced with surprise and you can't help the chuckle that falls from your lips.
"I am. I can't help it! He's just too cute," you look up from your phone to your friend who just shakes her head.
"Aren't you fucking his roommate?"
"Psh," you wave your hand dismissively before locking your phone and placing it face down on the table, "What he doesn't know won't hurt him," you close your eyes and let your head fall back onto the back of the couch.
"Besides, I like to imagine I'm his karma for the way that he treated all these girls, y'know?" you chuckle again and your friend joins in on the laughs.
"But the real question is, who's the better fuck?" you let your best friend's words float through the air for a little before you answer.
"Kim Seungmin, no questions. Jeongin is just... gentle. He's a lover and you can tell. Seungmin fucks and that's all I'm asking for, honestly. You can definitely tell he has the experience," You open your eyes and nudge your best friends's ribs, "Maybe you should take him for a ride. You know, dust those cobwebs off and get some play," you tease your friend and she lets out a loud laugh.
"Unfortunately, he isn't really my type. His friend however..." she trails off and you roll your eyes. Her crush just seems to be evolving more and more.
"Just tell Minho you want to fuck. I'm starting to get sexually frustrated on your behalf," you deadpan but before she can reply, your phone vibrates on the table and you flip it over, a text from Seungmin lighting up the screen.
KSM: u busy?
"Welp," you slap your hands on both of your knees and stand, "Duty calls, bestie. You can either stay and get traumatized for life or you can head home-"
"I never want to hear you have sex again,” she pauses dramatically, placing a hand over her chest, and sliding her jacket on, “I will never be the same," she replies, a disgusted look on her face, before she stands and grabs her bag.
"Text Minho. You have one less roommate to worry about interrupting you two finally breaking this crazy sexual tension," you tease and she rolls her eyes before you both say your goodbyes and she slips out the door. You unlock your phone as you lock the front door.
no. come over?
He reads the message almost instantly and you chuckle to yourself before rushing toward your bedroom.
KSM: already on the way, princess.
You smile at the nickname before typing a quick response and then hopping into the shower.
taking a shower. let yourself in
A few minutes into your shower, you hear your front door open and shut and the footsteps that you have learned to quickly recognize. The bathroom door opens and shuts gently. You open your eyes and turn your head to the side, making out the silhouette of Seungmin through the glass door.
You can see him removing his clothes before the shower door slides open, revealing him in all his lean glory. Despite him being a bit thinner, he muscles are extremely defined and he's obviously packing (as most skinny men are).
"Boo." he jokes, pretending to scare you, and steps into the shower in front of you.
"Ah, so scary," you reply sarcastically, pulling your fingers from your wet hair to wrap around his neck. His arms automatically wrap around your waist, pulling your chest flush to his.
He leans in and closes the distance between you two, the moisture from your lips transferring to his and you quickly part your lips, letting his tongue into your mouth.
He parts from the kiss, his lips trailing down your wet neck. He knows exactly where to kiss, bite, and suck to have you writhing but he also manages to never leave a mark.
Your head falls back, the water from the shower trickling onto your face as you watch into his touch. Seungmin pushes you against the wall so his body is under the stream instead before disconnecting from your neck and looking you in the eyes again.
"You're no good for me," Seungmin's voice is husky and his hand trails up your body before it reaches your chin then he places his fingertips gently against your lips, pulling them apart before he dips his middle and ring finger into your mouth, pushing against your tongue.
"I don't know why I want you so bad," he murmurs as you lock eyes with him. He pulls his fingers from your mouth before letting them trail down your body and he presses against your clit, gently rubbing the nerves.
He knows exactly how to get you worked up and have you teetering on the edge of an orgasm and never lets you forget it. He truly knows your body like the back of his hand.
The sound of a phone ringing echoes through the bathroom but neither of you care as you squeeze your eyes shut. Suddenly he grabs one of your thighs, hiking your leg up with his free hand before plunging two fingers into you.
"Fuck, Minnie," you moan out and he chuckles at the irony of the cute nickname despite the position you're in right now.
"That's right, princess. I'm making you feel so good. I know exactly how to touch you, better than anyone else," his voice is croaky as his finger speed up inside of you.
"F-fuck me. Seungmin, please. Fuck me," you start babbling and it doesn't take more than that for his control to snap. He pulls his fingers out of you and turns you around, pushing your chest against the cold shower tiles.
You let out a gasp at the cold against your warm skin and then another when you feel the head of his cock prodding at your entrance. He pushes in completely in one motion and your knees buckle inwards at the intrusion.
The burn feels so good and you can't stop the squeal that leaves your lips as he starts to pound into you. He doesn't give you any time to adjust before he is absolutely ruining your pussy.
The sound of a phone ringing echoes through the bathroom again and he groans out in frustration at the noise. It's obscuring your pretty moans and it's starting to piss him off.
"Who keeps fucking calling you?" his voice is filled with annoyance as his fingers dig harder into your hips. One of his hands gently trails up your back, making goosebumps rise across your spine before he grips your shoulder, pulling you slightly off the wall.
He has full control of your body and you honestly don’t mind at the moment. When his hand unexpectedly meets your ass, with a loud slap. Your eyes snap open and you let out an obscene noise, your moans and the sound of your skin meeting echoes through the shower.
“I asked you something. Who keeps calling you? Any guesses?” he keeps pounding into you and you shake your head as your orgasm approaches much faster than anticipated.
“T-touch me. I’m gonna c-cum,” you beg and demand in the same breath and he chuckles behind you, his hand reaching around your hip and rubbing at your clit, exactly how you like it.
“Then cum, slut. I’m not stopping you,” his voice is loud, demanding your attention but just as you clench around him, he stills.
“…or maybe I am. Can you tell me who you think is calling you back to back?” his voice is in your ear now, pushing his cock deeper into you and the denial of your orgasm sends tears down your face.
“I-I don’t know. M-maybe my best friend? Sh-she just left. She might’ve left something. I don’t know…” you trail off when he starts to fuck into you again and rub at your clit.
“I’ll let you keep thinking of who it could be while you cum,” he sounds annoyed that the two of you were interrupted until it finally dawns on you.
You were supposed to meet with Jeongin tonight…
That’s probably who keeps calling you. Before you can truly process the information, you’re crashing over the edge of your orgasm, mind going blank as you moan out.
“Fuck, Jeongin,” it leaves your mouth and honestly, you don’t even realize it.
But Seungmin does. Seungmin hears the name of his best friend leave your lips while he’s balls deep in you and he immediately stops.He pulls out of you and much to your surprise steps out of the shower.
As your fuzzy brain begins to clear you start to get confused. Did he cum? You reach behind you and touch the skin of your lower back but you don’t feel any evidence of him finishing. Just to be safe, you push a finger into yourself before pulling it out. He didn’t accidentally cum in you. What the hell?
He also isn’t usually one to just let you come down from the clouds by yourself. He usually helps you relax and some how convinces you to go another round every time.
“Seungmin?” you call out and reach forward, shutting off the shower. You look out the glass door that he left open and you see him leaning against the sink, eyes focused down, a towel wrapped around his waist.
“Seungmin? What’s wrong?” You grab the towel from beside the shower and wrap it around your body. You reach forward and he physically recoils from your touch when your fingertips graze his arm.
“Unlock your phone.” he demands and you blink at him a few times, taken aback at his unexpected tone. You cross your arms over your chest and glance down at your phone on the counter.
“No. What’s gotten into you?” you reach for your phone but he grabs it before you can get to it and taps the screen before turning it towards you.
4 missed calls and 6 unread messages.
“So? We both heard it ringing. Why is it a big deal?” you try to defend yourself and reach for your phone but your legs are still wobbly from the sex the two of you just had and he’s much quicker than you, walking out of the bathroom.
You follow him into your bedroom as he stands in the middle, staring down at your locked phone.
“Who is ‘J’?” Oh. He wasn’t upset about the amount of texts and calls, he was upset about who he thought it was. You gulp, you knew this would come eventually but you have not prepared yourself for this.
“It doesn’t matter,” you reply, walking towards your dresser and pulling out a pair of sleep shorts and an old oversized shirt, “Besides, it’s not like it has anything to do with you,” you shrug, pulling the shirt over your head.
“It does fucking matter when it’s my best friend, y/n. I’m not fucking playing with you right now. Is this Jeongin?” His voice raises at you and you freeze. He isn’t yelling but it’s a much louder tone than you have ever heard from him.
“Seungmin I-”
“You just moaned his name while I was fucking you. Do you even realize that?” He closes the gap between you, shoving your phone into your chest before turning around and running his hand through his damp hair.
“What the fuck. What the fuck. What. The. Fuck,” he groans out before he slams his hand down on your vanity, making all your makeup fall over and making you jump.
Oh.
Oh, you fucked up this time.
“Why am I so fucking stupid?” he turns towards you agains and thats when you see it, his eyes are glassed over as they lock onto yours. Is he about to cry?
“I thought I could fucking change you, y/n. I thought…” he pauses, gulping, before continuing, “I thought that you could catch the same feelings for me that I have for you. How could I be so fucking clueless?” His voice cracks and the first tear rolls down his cheek before he turns away from you and sits on the edge of your bed, his head in his hands.
You slowly walk towards him, standing between his open legs and prying his hands from his face. You gently grasp his chin, tilting his face up to look at you.
Fuck.
He looks so fucking pretty.
The tears on his face, his red nose and lips, his glassy eyes and that look on his face. In this moment, you’ve never seen someone who looks more like a puppy.
“You’re so fucking pretty,” you whisper out and his puppy dog eyes seem to just get bigger at your words. You place one leg on either side of his thighs, straddling him. You let your hands trail down his still bare chest.
“So pretty…” you whisper again before leaning in and pressing your lips against his and he immediately kisses you back.
How did you manage to make the biggest player that you’ve ever met fall for you? How did you beat him at his own game? How do you have him wrapped around your little finger?
#skz#skz fanfic#skz fluff#skz imagines#skz smut#skz seungmin#seungmin oneshot#kim seungmin imagines#seungmin imagines#stray kids seungmin#seungminnie#seungmin#kim seungmin#ksm#skz kim seungmin#stray kids headcanons#stray kids one shot#stray kids smut#stray kids imagines#stray kids scenarios#stray kids#skz ksm#stray kids kim seungmin#stray kids seungminnie#skz changbin#skz felix#skz hyunjin#skz jeongin#skz minho#skz scenarios
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Painting: "Flora", Max Nonnenbruch, 1892
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Slow down for a moment. Allow your heart to guide you, to tell you if there is really a message here for you and behind which image it hides... And whatever the answer is, feel free to listen to it or to let go. Remembering that when you will be ready or will have the need, your true message will find its way to you.♡
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You should focus on... Not focusing. Not over analysing, checking, controlling things and situations in your life. Simply because you did a lot. You really did. Since the very first moment this situation presented you with a problem, challenge, you threw away everything else just to take care of this. You dived deeper and deeper in it, with your every decision, thought and emotion. With your every second, no matter if you were asleep or awake, if you were working on it or pretending to live the rest of your life.
You allowed it to consume you, from the very first moment categorising it as the most important and for this reason dangerous thing. And maybe it really is. So important to solve this puzzle, find a solution or an answer. But at the same time... Is it really only your responsibility?
Does it really depend only on you and what you will manage to do? Or is it more influenced by others, people or circumstances, sometimes even just the timing of the things..? Deep down you know the answer, but unfortunately it's simply not enough for you to make you slow down and wait.
And more you think about it, more you realize how many other things are actually determining how this will end - and more you become frustrated, more you feel the need to do something about it. Because you can control yourself, not others. And allowing them to decide your fate, the result of the situation that you are in... Is simply not a risk that you can or are willing to take.
But I'm afraid you will need to do it. To step aside and just allow this situation to evolve by itself. Because, even if you are to do something about it... There is nothing else that you didn't already try or did. And there is nothing in you left to dedicate to this situation to which you already gave every single drop of your energy and hard work.
There is a reason behind every situation that we are simply not able to shift and take care of on our own. There is a reason why it takes the work and awareness of so many others, or perhaps their ignorance and neutrality that we are not able to have. You did your best, you did everything you needed and could. And it's enough to come out of this. You only need to give this situation a moment to shift and follow the direction that you showed. You need to give it time, because finding so many solutions and ways, trying them all again and again... You simply didn't allow the situation, right people or opportunities to align, forcing them to constantly change running after you who never stops.
It's going to be okay. Even if it will not resolve in one moment or day. Even if it will not happen exactly like you pictured and prepared for. It will still be okay. Because you are not alone in this. You are not the only one who is doing your part, there are so many people and circumstances, decisions and coincidences that you simply can't grasp...
Allow yourself to step back. Acknowledge what you did, how much you did. And be proud of it for a moment, no matter how and what will happen in the end. And allow for once others, this world, to do their part. Without necessarily expecting the worse if you are not controlling every step and way of this moment in life.
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It is honourable, the way you found up until now the strength and resistance to keep going, to looking for a solution day after day, trying and putting in the work in hopes to make it through and see how it was all worth it. It makes you proud, as it should, for your courage and patience, of the simple but so important desire and motivation to create that life that you deserve. But in this proudness, in all those challenges and obstacles that you were able to overcome all by yourself again and again... Something changed in you. Something shifted, passing by unnoticed. Something that now is, from deep down, sabotaging and limiting you so much, without you realising why that same perseverance and hard work is not enough now.
You became so confident in yourself, in your own abilities. You learned so much about what you can do, how many solutions and ways you can find. With which mastery you can execute your own ideas and plans... So much that it became sacred, the only way of doing and handling things that makes you feel truly sure and in the right. The only one that doesn't put you at risk by trusting others, their advices and thoughts that only add sourness to the situations that of it already have enough.
And it was true, it is true: the reason you are here, the reason you came so far is exactly thanks to you and your courage to believe in your own decisions and goals, not listening to those that tried to pull you back...but now it's somehow different. Now those voices, those advices... Are not trying to stop you - they are actually giving you insight on what else might work. What you can do instead and make it. If only you stop protecting your plan, looking for other reasons that explain why it doesn't work.
You had a plan, and you did your very best to follow it. And it's something that for sure deserves respect... But you can work hard and still make mistakes. You can be sure of something, and still realise that perhaps it wasn't the right direction to take. You can be able to handle a lot on your own and thanks to your experience and creativity... And you still can recognise and follow the advice or the example of someone else. It doesn't matter if you make a mistake. What matters is the fact that you have enough courage to admit it the same way you have it now to ignore and keep pushing your initial plan.
So take a step back. Allow your plan to change and adapt. Without any shame or fear of trusting others. Because being indeed capable of so much and so confident in your own judgment and ideas doesn't exclude the possibility that the ones of others might be still good and valid too. And the falsity of some, doesn't invalidate the good intentions and genuine desire to help of others.
Breathe. Slow down. You are doing just fine. And it willl be still fine even if you change the way you walk on this path. Your goals, you desires and your needs will still be there and wait for you. And you willl make it. But only if you allow yourself to learn something new, to try something new. The same way you did back then when you discovered your own indipendence and strenght. With the understanding that not every word, opinion or different idea is to look down upon you or judge you... But to help you and show you how easier and still worthy it might be when you accept that help. When you let in the guidance of others who already did this path and want to warn you about the mistakes that they did.
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#thatfrailsoul#thatfrailsoul message#thatfrailsoul guidance#thatfrailsoul tarot#tarot#tarot reading#divination#oracle#tarot cards#pick a pile#pick a pile reading#pick a card#pick a picture#pick and choose#pac reading#spirituality#answers#awareness#higher self
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After seeing Tim repeatedly work himself to the bone, Bruce encourages him to pick up one of his old hobbies like photography.
"We can just keep it between the two of us if it makes you more comfortable, chum."
Bruce was not prepared for Tim to send him meticulously crafted, tasteful, and absolutely sinful nudes of himself in the middle of a JL meeting.
😍😍😍😍😍 yesssss!!!! tim's favorite subject was batman and robin afterall and that never really changed. but tim is also someone who tries to read between the lines so when bruce said 'just keep it between the two of us' his brain told him that meant bruce wanted him to send him nudes, not just any nudes though. high effort ones like where tim does his makeup and perfectly smudges it, applying velvet and puffy lipstick to look like he just got the life fucked out of him.
and bruce of course is internally struggling whether he should say this wasn't what he meant or keeping silent so tim won't get discouraged or be absolutely mortified. for the sake of preserving his son's dignity, bruce elects to say nothing. eventually he reaches the point of expectantly awaiting tim to send him his nudes because they are quite nice. he never deletes them even though he should because its not right to have them, but what is he afraid of? that someone will get through his ten layers of defense on his phone and just know that the file labeled 'grocery list for september' will be housing photos of his naked son?
all it takes is one time. bruce is frustrated, lonely, and horny. he's in another country on business and trying to find a movie to watch on the hotel tv to distract himself when his phone pings and a photo of tim, hand groping his tit as he's sprawled out on sage colored cotton sheets shows up on his phone.
and god bruce knows hw shouldn't, he knows its not right but tim is already sending these to him under the impression he's getting use out of them so what's the harm in indulging.
bruce stares at the photo, at the soft expanse of tim's skin, his little tits, his glistening cunt. bruce grips his cock that he slathered in lotion and pumps himself to arousal staring down at tim's picture and imagining sliding his cock between those velvety lips and into his hot little hole.
bruce cums harder than he has in a while. fifteen minutes later he's incredulously staring down at his dick that is somehow hard again.
bruce hasn't masturbated twice in a row since he was a teenager.
needless to say it takes a while for the shame and guilt to set in.
tim's next photo arrives while he's on the plane and bruce excuses himself to the bathroom of the private jet and takes his time taking in the new sight of tim.
the same happens with the next and the next photo. bruce keeps expecting to feel awkward or odd around tim but aside from the occasional bout of self hatred and guilt which is no different from his usual one- bruce allows it to keep going.
there are some close calls of course. the one that nearly stopped bruce's heart was when tim sent him a photo while bruce was in the middle of a justice league meeting. he's certain his heart skipped a beat because clark's head turned to him, brows furrowed in confusion, likely having heard bruce's heart palpitating.
bruce manages to school his features to give nothing away and only grunts when clark approaches him afterward. another time is when he's in the kitchen and his phone is across the room at the breakfast nook. it vibrates with a message and damian picks it up.
the words "it's drake-" barely make it out before bruce is across the room and snatching the phone out of a stunned damian's hands.
bruce could say something, could ask tim to only send the pictures at night but....he doesn't want to discourage him.
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I hope the questions don’t get annoying BUTTT I’m curious you said that Nacha left him to get the hint what does that mean? She didn’t like outright say they weren’t together anymore?
Yes!
(Remember, this is my personal headcanon for them.. I know I’m probably way off, but I like to see the relationship this way.)
Before, I imagine Nacha wanted to be treated as Francis’s girlfriend and be seen as his companion. But as I said, Francis is bad at relationships and they never really specify what they are, much to Nacha’s frustration.
Francis didn’t think it mattered and figured that it was already clear he saw them as lovers, but with his lack of affection and no effort into the relationship, she doesn’t see it the same way. To her and outsiders who knew about the affair, it just seems like he was getting quick enjoyment and left her wanting more, but in his eyes it was mutual pinning. (He’s really bad at communication, and causes more stress for Nacha than he thinks.)
His lack of communication and effort for her drives Nacha up a wall and decides she mentally cannot do it anymore. See, Nacha and Francis mainly made their meetups when Nacha would call him to fill out an order. When she decides to end things with him, he notices her lack of calls. One day, Francis shows up to her door without her call him, because he thinks she just forgot. If this was earlier in their affair, I think she would be delighted and shows how he cares. However, she’s already made up her mind, and it’s too late.
When she opens the door and sees him, she makes an excuse and tells him that he shouldn’t.. or can’t.. just show up randomly at her door, using her fiancé as an excuse and that it’s easy for them to get caught. Francis figures that it really was just her fiancé what made their meetups less frequent, so he listens to her and waits.
Though days turn into weeks, and turns into months, he never gets a call again, and he’s able to get the message that it was her way of telling him she was done seeing him.
To Nacha, Francis never played his role as a “boyfriend,” “husband,” “lover,” or whatever. So she figures that since it never mattered to him, he didn’t need to be told outright.
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WIP Wednesday
I just realized it's Wednesday :D
I already did share this on the Always the Alpha Discord server, but I really like it and, well xD have fun with it :3
no-pressure tagging a couple of my lovely mutuals bc I can XD
@dear-massacre, @lavender-lotion, @midmorning-bomb, @aurevell,
@tkwritesdumbassassins, @whimsicalmeerkat
This is a snippet of what I'm writing for Steter week btw ;D
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Peter looked at Stiles when he didn't answer immediately.
He could see the hesitation in Stiles' face and felt something twist in his stomach.
Peter hadn't changed his number in years. If Stiles didn't have his number anymore, it hadn't been Peter's choices that had lead to it.
This time he didn't wait for Stiles to speak, taking back his phone and pulling out one of his business cards with his other hand in the same movement.
"Here. In case you lost it somehow." he said, hiding again behind a saccharine smile. "Though that would explain why you never texted me again after leaving Beacon Hills."
--
Stiles couldn't help the flinch just as frustration started to bubble up in his chest. It was obvious that Peter had been hurt by the silence, but communication always went both ways and it wasn't as if Peter had texted him either!
He took the card from Peter's hand, maybe a bit too forcefully, but the satisfied glint he could see in Peter's eyes and the way the wolf's lips twitched from mask into honest smirk, was aggravating.
"It's not like you tried to keep contact either, Creeperwolf!" he returned sharply, narrowing his eyes. He definitely wouldn't shoulder the blame alone! "I had the same number for years and you never used it. And since you didn't I didn't think you'd care to get my new one. Or I'd have told Derek to give it to you!"
"Since you just vanished on me without even a good bye - or a text - I didn't think any messages outside of our usual business relations would be welcome!" Peter snapped back, his face almost turning into a snarl.
"Neither did I! We never were that close after all!"
Stiles couldn't keep the exasperation out of his voice. He wouldn't let Peter put all the blame on him! He wasn't the only one to blame here!
"All we did was researching together and while I had a lot of fun with that, we never really saw each other outside of our research sessions or you being there when I visited Derek or Cora!"
"Oh, of course! Meeting each other outside of pack related situations would have been so easy, right!" Peter snarled back, teeth pressed tightly together. "A cup of coffee after a research session, maybe? Oh, how could I forget you would always either immediately leave or join the rest of the pack in the living room! And when you were visiting - correct me if I'm wrong - you usually ignored me, no matter if I was in another room or on the sofa with you and my niblings!"
"Of COURSE I ignored you! The only thing you did was rile up Derek and lament about your home being teenage central! Why would I think you, a man then more than double my age, would want to hang out with me - a teenager - without you telling me you wanted to?! Nevermind that after the research sessions-"
"I never had the CHANCE to ask you to stay because you LEFT ME BEHIND!"
"…what?"
Stiles stared at Peter, completely blindsided by the wolf's outburst. The sudden silence sounded loud in his ears as he tried to grapple with what he'd just heard.
Peter himself seemed just as blindsided and then a look of panic crossed his face when Stiles opened his mouth.
"I did-"
"Nevermind."
Peter's face closed off as he turned around and Stiles felt a stab of his own panic rushing through him, as he stepped around the counter. For some reason it felt as if Peter would be gone for good, if he didn't act right now.
"Oh no. Nonononono. Talk to me, Peter. C'mon, look me in the eyes and repeat that."
He reached out for Peter's arm as he followed the wolf towards the shop's entrance, but Peter dodged him easily.
"Don't act like you care," Peter hissed, his voice laced with something Stiles couldn't identify.
"I'm not nice enough to care, Peter." Stiles hissed back and flicked his fingers. The shop's door locked with an audible click and that was finally enough to bring Peter to a halt.
Almost.
Stiles took a fast step back when Peter wheeled around, eyes blazing blue, a growl vibrating between them, but Stiles didn't intend to let the man hurt him. He wasn't afraid of Peter, hadn't been for a while now, and for some reason he was sure that the wolf wouldn't hurt him. No matter what kind of aggressive display he was showing here.
Well then.
Time to get the to the bottom of this.
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(this is from yesterday so this entire thing is written out and just copy pasted in.)
The more I see how you've been treated by other trans people, the more hollow all the posts repeating variations of 'love all trans women! Listen to all trans women! Have kindness and grace for all trans women! Even the bad and ugly and annoying ones!' become to me.
One one hand, these posts almost without fail dissolve into active vitriol the moment someone (foolishly and naively) tries to mention any other kind of trans person, which the OPs often shut down and treat as insulting, hostile, nefarious or a deliberate attempt to take away (steal?) the kindness away from transfems (like it's a finite resource?)
On the other, I follow a lot more transfems than transmascs, meaning I got to see how some of them felt about it. The anecdote that lasered itself into my brain was seeing a butch trans woman saying she felt bitter and kinda hopeless sharing that kind of message because her experience was that not even other trans women had any kindness or grace for her.
And then how this has played out for you. You and another trans woman disagreed, and instead of saying 'you're annoying me and I disagree with your opinion' she presented you as misgendering her (it's apparently not enough that you use they/them by default to account for all the genderfuckery on Tumblr. How dare you not be clairvoyant.), she didn't care that you corrected yourself and told the person crawling out of the woodwork to talk shit about her to fuck off, she said you 'threatened to share' her nsfw account when you censored the url and told the anon to get lost, and blamed you for a shitstorm resulting from her saying something controversial.
Going further, you get that asshole demanding you 'give the URL of your transfem mutuals'. It reminds me of how everyone, including other transfems, were screaming at Tumblr's CEO to show 'proof' that predstrogen had said or done something worthy of being banned. And it's just... Does anyone hear themselves? Why is everyone okay demanding personal or potentially intimate information about transfems for the sake of 'proof?' Why do you have to hand off the URLs of people you know so some asshole can presumably judge them and dismiss them for not being good enough? Does no one else find it insane that it's okay to bulldoze transfem's privacy for the sake of 'proof'?
Is this why those positivity posts are so often structured like commands? So that everyone can nod their head and pat their backs self righteously for doing the 'right thing' of passing this command along to the unspecified OTHER meant to ACTUALLY work on treating transfems better? Did everyone press the reblog button to look good or something? I thought everyone, trans people included, agreed that the point was tangibly and personally putting in some effort to do better?
I always internalised those posts as a rallying cry to do better, all of us, but it seems like it's played out as an excuse for people to use personal pain to justify lashing out and pushing the DOING better part onto 'someone else'.
Yeah, like. So much of it just comes off as virtue signaling? I recently got accused of being an anti-SJW for using that term lol but that's an actual thing that actually happens. It's so performative. It's theory.
And it really does frustrate me that I can't take those posts seriously. Regardless of what anyone else thinks, I have serious chest thumping anxiety about the constant, terrifying situation we're all in. We as in "me as well". So I want to take comfort in those posts that are about how the OP will support trans women with their dying breath, I did take comfort in those posts, but then I look for five seconds on OP's blog and find ten posts about transandro bros and I want to never hear someone say they support me ever again because they're all fucking snakes and their support is completely worthless to me.
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something that i’ve really wanted to talk about since i rewatched 6x02 was the scenes between kurt and spencer, and more so, how spencer’s character is written and how it follows a strange and kind of frustrating pattern on this show.
i think the general consensus with spencer is that people aren’t a fan of how he treats kurt. what he says comes across pretty disrespectful, as we’ve watched kurt’s journey for five whole seasons and seen the struggle he’s been through with his sexuality. and kurt’s.... completely right about the fact that spencer owes glee club for making mckinley a more accepting place, but particularly, spencer owes him, and his refusal to back down even when people were treating him so terribly. he forced people to see him, even when they tried so hard to diminish him. that’s important.
spencer’s assertion that things were different when kurt was in high school has always been strange, to me. and one of the things i want to bring up here is that this whole thing feels a little..... hard to believe, based on the timeline? this is happening in fall 2014. kurt graduated in 2012. it’s been just a little over two years, which is, in the grand scheme of things, not a ton of time. like, people kurt went to school with are still at mckinley. one of the reasons i wish s6 was set multiple years in the future, instead of only a few months after the end of s5, is because of this. there are a lot of things that just don’t hit with the emotional weight the writers seemed to intend because the timeline is so condensed.
anyway, i think my big frustration with what spencer says is his claim that being gay is primarily how kurt identified himself, because..... no? that’s how the rest of the school identified him. that’s how the staff identified him (schue writing ‘gay’ in his notes when kurt was auditioning for glee club). kurt didn’t get to come out on his own terms. his sexuality was assumed by his bullies and then used against him before he was ready to tell even his own father. i think, in some ways, the writers were maybe trying to frame spencer as being in the wrong, that it was supposed to come across slightly ignorant? but i think it kind of backfires and ends up falling into an unintentional pattern the writers established of queerness being acceptable if you present it in the “right” way. kurt’s not being targeted for being gay, he’s being targeted for being gay in the wrong way, in how it intersects with his masculinity, interests, and passions.
we see this pretty clearly in sebastian’s character, in the way he’s set up to be a foil for kurt and how his insults are primarily based in effeminophobia. the underlying message is, because sebastian is gay too, the problem isn’t kurt’s sexuality. it’s how he presents it. we also see it in the writing of blaine’s character, tbh. i mentioned this briefly, a while ago, but the immediate framing of blaine as “not a stereotype” in opposition to the other gay character on the show feels.... indicative of something. as the show goes on, the writing seems to push this idea that blaine not being a stereotype, or blaine having more traditionally masculine interests, is what makes things easier for him. (the differences in how hevans vs blam are written, blaine getting tony, being picked by june, etc). yet again, the subconscious idea that it isn’t kurt’s sexuality, it’s how he presents it, is being pushed because he’s being compared to another gay character. (as an aside: there is something to be said about the way blaine was written vs. the way darren portrayed him. different post, but let it be known that i mean zero shade at blaine with this. i’m talking about the writing 100%.)
spencer is a football player, who just happens to be gay. explicit attention is given to the fact that the problem isn’t sexuality, the problem is the way kurt chooses to present that sexuality. the pattern that’s being established, then, is that being gay is acceptable if you’re conforming to a particular standard. if you’re not being “stereotypical”. if it isn’t your identity. if you present your masculinity a certain way. if you have societally acceptable, traditionally masculine interests, if you can fit in and be “one of the guys”. and repeatedly, kurt is insulted throughout all six seasons because he isn’t any of these things, and he refuses to change himself to be.
the other layer to this is that we don’t get to see kurt “win” very often. we don’t get to see him be chosen, be valued, in a way other characters were, in-universe (there is a big difference between discussing the quality of his writing and his storyline in-universe, and i feel like those are often conflated). his success (or lack thereof, for a long time) is tied to peoples’ inability to see him beyond his sexuality. the way he presents it almost feels like a mark against him? i think this is where a lot of kurt fans find their resentment and disdain for the way he was treated. there is a really shitty pattern here of diminishing and mocking kurt that ties to his sexuality because the way he presents it, compared to other gay male characters, is seen as lesser, wrong, etc. and, for a show that constantly purports acceptance no matter who you are, this just feels.....cruel, lol.
#this got so long very quickly lol but i've had these thoughts for a while#i don't know if the writers recognized what they were doing#but this feels like a pattern a very frustrating and cruel pattern#framing spencer as being wrong and ignorant doesn't work when the writing has basically confirmed what he says repeatedly lol#being gay is okay being a gay man is okay as long as you do it the right way#that's the message and that's what's really frustrating#and i think that's why a subsection of kurt fans are very upset and adamant on him winning and being given better#bc this is just. hard to take when you look at it in context#even in s6 the writers were still finding ways to shit on him and it feels incredibly homophobic#idk if that was the intention but. yeah lmfao#kurt hummel#glee meta#glee#gr1#these are still rewatch thoughts technically so there's that tag lol#let me know if i need to put anti tags on this i don't think i said anything that really warrants them but i will if needed!#also if anyone uses this post to shit on blaine you are being blocked lmfao that has never and will never be my point in topics like these
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One major factor missing from most debates on Arya and Lyanna's beauty is that they're being judged by their society's extremely patriarchal values. In both looks and personality, that context is essential to understanding how others perceive them. George explores the misogyny experienced by non-conforming women, especially with Arya, and it's interesting how he plays with that regarding their physical beauty.
Her mother used to say she could be pretty if she would just wash and brush her hair and take more care with her dress, the way her sister did. (The Blind Girl, ADWD)
"You never knew Lyanna as I did, Robert," Ned told him. "You saw her beauty, but not the iron underneath. She would have told you that you have no business in the melee." (Eddard VII, AGOT)
These two quotes offer a nice summation of this idea. With Arya, her supposed lack of beauty is defined by her being a non-conforming wild child. Her hair is messy, her face is dirty, and she's often in "lower class" clothing while engaging in unladylike activities. None of this says anything about her physical beauty but it tells us everything about how she's perceived. Arya could be pretty...If she conforms to society's standards for a highborn Lady. With Lyanna, however, we get the opposite. Where Arya is judged based on her personality, Robert's romanticization of Lyanna is rooted solely in her looks. He doesn't know anything about the person she really was. There is an assumption that, because she looked a certain way, her personality must fit and Robert imagines her much softer and more passive than she actually was.
That Arya isn't pretty or Lyanna wasn't wild are two perceptions that George specifically pushes back against. This is where people miss the brilliance of them being linked as literary mirrors; it is largely about us learning more about Lyanna, but it touches on more than that. The significance of them being written as wild, willful, and with their own beauty is that George isn't writing his female characters around patriarchal expectations. When people debate their beauty, that's often the trapping they fall into. Beauty and non-conformity are treated as mutually exclusive factors when the story itself never makes that point; this is also the logic that leads people to the (incorrect) conclusion that Lyanna and Arya aren't meant to be similar. Arya's self-esteem issues around her looks and being a Lady make this a topic certain to be addressed in the future; George has made it a part of the story. The conclusion shouldn't be that "looks don't matter", but that looks aren't indicative of a character's value, personality, or morality.
#arya stark#lyanna stark#asoiaf#valyrianscrolls#I know we're tired of this topic but I'm going to keep bringing it up until people base their analysis on what's actually in the books#it's not about needing/wanting Arya to be pretty it's about! the story being told#and it's just frustrating that this is such a highly debated topic that lacks all the nuance it's handled with in the source material#among a lot of other reasons people miss this point because they miss the way misogyny is handled in Arya's chapters#they think her being non-conforming mean she has some super special privilege that makes her exempt from it#Arya being pretty is a relatively small part her character but the message behind it contributes to a larger picture#and the biggest shame about this whole debate is that it misses genuinely brilliant writing#it's just absurd to be that /female character being non-conforming and pretty/ is beyond this fandom's comprehension skills#you guys really just want to force them into being flat no-nuance archetypes for easier consumption#Arya and Lyanna...I'm so sorry this fandom can't handle you because they hate women#mind you several people refer to Arya as pretty but apparently every single one of them is lying/unreliable because...reasons#this fandom truly has zero comprehension skills
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i understand being disappointed when things change, and i don’t hold any ill will towards people that aren’t interested in siren’s call anymore. but i’ve been pretty transparent about regretting sharing sc publicly before & the game has been removed for over a year now, so i am surprised at so many negative reactions.
i don’t expect everyone to always love everything that i write, and i am aware that the majority of my audience is here for my IF writing (specifically tnp) but the fact is that i like to write other things sometimes and i would like to be able to share them without immediately receiving negative comments & guilt trippy messages about it.
it’s been disappointing for me this past year the way my work has been received; i’ve published four other projects and have had this kind of reaction almost every single time. i’ve held my tongue about it except for mentioning it briefly on my other blog after i published blood choke & immediately received a slew of 1 star ratings (most of which are the same people that have been rating all of my work that is not tnp in the same way)
i removed faith because of this same thing happening and quietly republished it without sharing it here. i’ve been using the kithj blog more in an effort to keep things separate but obviously i still shared siren’s call here yesterday because i like sharing my work with people! i want to be able to do that! and i know there are people here that wanted to see more of that story and more of Rome so i wanted to share it. but it’s been so frustrating this past year having to deal with this.
i am always open to feedback or genuine criticism; i am always looking to improve my work. but any messages or comments like this about being disappointed i’m not writing more IF or complaining about f/f are being ignored & i will block you.
#im hardly the first author to make changes and have ppl react this way#and i think that says more abt the IF community than the authors if im being honest#not going to talk about this again i dont like talking about it publicly & im just going to delete/block any more comments#really frustrating to publish something and have people judging it for what they Want it to be rather than what it is#anyone that has sent me supportive messages abt any of these other projects i appreciate you very much#personal
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people are allowed their own interpretations and characterisations but also ur wrong and i’m right and i hope to never see another post with the same sentiment again or i will dig myself a hole and fill it with dirt
#its not that serious but also it is . to me#aftg#this really applies to anything but specifically to the neil is so oblivious and so stupid takes like SHUT UPP#u donf know. anything#did u even read the book ..#i think neil especially is very prone to mischaracterisation bc#he doesnt often spell things out for the reader#u have to learn from his actions#and what he DOESNT do#hes not explaining everything he thinks and so people just misinterperet wildly in a way tgat makes no sense#for his entire character#and undermines half of the themes and messages in the books#!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#ufgh#neil josten#i havent seen much of this w jean and i feel like its bc#he is so much more honest#and straightfoward#with himself & the reader#less room for ppl w 0 media literacy#😔😔😔😔#also probably ppl havent reread in ages which is fine n cool but then all the characters get rly watered down and become like a Trope of#themselves & become so flat and 2d#like a cartoon character version of themselves#very annohing very frustrating#u are free to do as u please but also STOP IT!!#:)#tsc#tfc
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And the shapes that you drew may change beneath a different light, and everything you thought you knew will fall apart, but you’ll be all right | Nandor the Relentless + Constellations by The Oh Hellos
the thesis of this video can be boiled down to this: Nandor is, fundamentally, a man who is struggling to cope with the realisation that while he has stayed the same for years, the world around him has been changing without his say so. he clings to what he's always known - for example his image as a relentless warrior - and the boxes he's put people in, without realising that these things don't quite fit him anymore. and when he does start to make an active effort to make a change, despite having every good intention, things rarely work out for him because, often, what he's seeking out in new places, he actually already has. all he needs to do is look around himself and see things in a new light to realise it.
(this vid only uses footage from the first 3 seasons btw, you don’t need to be caught up with the latest eps to watch it)
#what we do in the shadows#wwdits#nandor the relentless#everyone else also features in this but the focus is on nandor#it's about the found family#if the last third especially the audio seems a bit nandermo heavy it's because NONE OF THE OTHER VAMPIRES EVER SAY ANYTHING NICE smh#do you know how much time i spent looking for a clip of any of the others saying anything remotely loving about nandor#i found some nadja in the end but had to give up on laszlo#it's so frustrating I KNOW YOU GUYS LOVE EACH OTHER CAN YOU MAYBE SAY IT OUT LOUD ONCE PLEASE#anyway thank you guillermo for carrying the entire 'nandor actually has a family that loves him and is there for him' section on your back#where would i be without your speeches about family#this video has been (and this is not an exaggeration) six months in the making#i started it at the end of january bc i really wanted to explore nandor's character and then i got SO STUCK#but hey we made it in the end! i'm pretty happy with how this came out 😊#and i think the message i was trying to convey is pretty clear while still leaving room for thought#hope you guys enjoy it!!!#nandor is such a fascinating character i love to analyze him and rotate him in my head#i'm excited to see how his arc continues in the coming seasons. you can do it baby you're so close to realising your family is right there!!#edits.mp4#video.mp4#oh btw i'm still not super happy with the video quality on tumblr so i've also uploaded this to youtube (link in the caption)#eventually i'll also upload everything else there too
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