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grapecaseschoices · 3 years

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Representation in IF (or the lack thereof)

In recent days, the topic of race and ethnicity - as well as treatment of marginalized communities within IFs and their fandoms - has been the premier point of conversation. It has become paramount for people of color, lately, to advocate for themselves in regards to issues of white washing, stereotypes, and white people (...and sadly, other people of color) feeling too comfortable using slurs.

Nothing new there.

As I saw someone recently point out, this is something that crops up every two months. And if you’ve been on tumblr for that length of time, in more than more than one fandom, this is likely something you’ve had to deal with several times within that space of time. It’s an unfortunate byproduct of being a fan of color. (And, often, any type of minority, period.)

We don’t get to escape within the internet into fantasy the same way the “majority” gets to do so. If it isn’t toxic people in the community, it is being disappointed by content creators - either through their comments (or lack thereof) or what they put out in their work.

I can’t speak for every black person or every person of color, however, my fandom experience is one of hyper vigilance. And I’ve noticed that sort of attitude in others. We have to cut away from certain parts of the fandom. Or cut out work we used to love because of certain outlooks or behaviors.

It is a protective attitude that I’m unapologetic about. By curating my content consumption, it’s pushed me to find, and support, artists that care enough to see people like me as people. Someone mentioned to me that “as marginalized communities, we have a right to be choosy about our representation in media.” And I agree. We do and we should never, ever feel guilty about it.

That being said, it can feel kind of alienating.

As I mentioned before, there’s been a continued - one I am glad for - movement in the IF/VN community in calling out bad representation (and treatment of fans). Fans have pushed for accountability and gotten it. However, I’ve noticed - or at least, I feel - the call for change is sort of limited. There’s a hesitance in our community to ask for that same change of ‘indie’/smaller creators as we do of companies or more established writers. And, honestly, this hesitance has left me with a feeling that the IF/VN community isn’t really one for people of color, particularly black people.

Now, I’m one who tries to give credit where credit is due. The creation of ~interact-if … is probably one of the best things I have ever seen in any community (and I’ve been in fandom/written rpg since HS). I’ve also noticed an increase of writers of color feeling comfortable in writing for their culture or having characters of their culture as well as white creators holding themselves accountable. All of that is what keeps me hopeful about improvement regarding IF works but motivates me to one day do my own. That being said, there is still a lot that needs to be addressed regarding the whiteness of IF work and the depiction of characters of color.

I am going to start off by saying something that may come off as kind of harsh. If you know me, you know what I’m going to say, so you can clock out. If you don’t, take a deep breath, feel frustrated, and then let it go to move on: I don’t think uncomfortability with writing about a marginalized group or unfamiliarity with said group is an excuse. I don’t think “well it’s my work, this is what I know/this is what I want to write” is an excuse.

IF works in the year 2021 are uncomfortably, awkwardly white (and able-bodied, cis, thin, etc). And I do not think there is ANY excuse, ANY actual reason for it to be that way.

I am sure there are several excuses coming to mind (as I said, I’ve been in RP and fanfic for years, I’ve seen them all—heck, I’ve thought them all. I still do think them at times). However, I’ve always held to the belief that every work that is put out into the universe matters. Everything has an impact. NO work is too small, nothing is too insignificant. Every art has an effect. And if you’re writing a story, telling a tale, something from your heart to share with others you’re trying to affect your environment in some way, you’re trying to say something.

I feel a lot of us—as I said, I include myself in this too—do not consider what we’re saying to our audience when we create works that are mostly white (or when we can’t have a single character or work with numerous characters that are disabled, fat, mentally ill, trans, I can go on).

If you’re writing a story, I don’t think you can give yourself any pats on the back for having one or two characters of color. I think we’ve moved beyond that type of ‘diversity by numbers’ … especially when the numbers are often piss poor. I’m seeing IFs where there are three characters of color to six white ROs. Not only is that ‘ratio’ (for lack of a better word) shitty on it’s own, people don’t consider that the actual dynamic is 1:1:1:6. People of color are not a monolith. I, as a black Haitian-American woman, may have similar experiences as an indigenous woman from Canada and a persian person from Iran …. But we are not the same. Yes, it is great to have a diversity of characters. I’m not saying you shouldn’t include people from different backgrounds in your works.

But please consider why it is never the case that there are two Japanese-Brazilians, three black people from Manchester, and a mixed-race Indigenous/Afro-Latina from Queens, and one white person. It is extremely rare to see multiple of one race or ethnicity in an IF if that race isn’t white.

I feel not only is that problem, I believe it is a conversation that needs to be had. Both as a community and as something writers discuss with themselves, as they review their work.

And that is the tip of the iceberg. We need to have discussions on the tendency of characters of color to have light colored eyes, or the preference of East Asians (and light skinned ones at that) over any other Asian, or the ambiguously brownness of descriptors. We need to talk about white-washing in face claims that directly oppose established descriptions, or how Artbreeder being bad at black people is NOT an excuse for your black character looking similar to the one in three different other IFs (put the effort in).

We as a community need to have several discussions or else I feel it will be another five years before we’re dragging our feet toward better representation. And that shouldn’t be the case. At all.

#interactive fiction #interactive novel #visual novels #representation matters #racism #fandom racism #in short i think a lot of people thinks criticism of representation and racism equals judgment / concrit regarding what is there rather tha #observing and commenting on what is NOT there and HOW it is not there #does anyone sit and ask themselves 'why did i not picture a dark skinned indian man as this ro?'#'why did i feel this character needed to be white rather than black?'#'why do i continously put / see only a certain type of black character or a certain look of latin@ as a ROMANTIC option?'#asking these questions are ways to press for better rep AND to challenge our own bias #and most importantly accountability isn't just for the big players -- we need it for our friends and ourselves (myself included) or else we #as a community and as a type of art are going to fall into the same wholes that other media before us are / have (ie video games and films #and television and etc) when i feel IF (like RP and fanfiction) have a very unique position and perspective #and i think that is why it is maddening to see us fall into the same traps we condemn when there is NO reason to do so #long post #longpost #grapecase posts

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franki-lew-yo · 3 years

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I really hate 2d purists. No, not 2d animation. Not 2d animators.

2d purists.

The sad thing is it’s gotten to the point that I really cringe hearing any pro-2D sentiment at all. I hate the arguments I agree with because how often they're misused and weaponized by idiots.

Let me make my stance here clear - 2d is NOT appreciated and 3d is used for everything! The layman Karen-mom who doesn’t have an artistic bone in her body looks at stupidsmooth 3D Grubhub ads and assumes quality cause it “looks more real” (aka ‘rendered’). I know as much is true because I literally have a member of my family who told my sister and I that she thinks 3d is better (and also that she “tolerated THOSE movies for us kids”. Touching words. My sister was taking an animation course by the way). Combined that with the studios either using 2D for cheap stuff or finding good 2d animation too “costly”, I get it and I’m not even any animator. I'm just a worm an illustrator.

but holy HELL -

There’s a backlash from the artistic community that's it's own kind of insufferable and deserve to be addressed.

“(insert2Danimatedfilm) is better BECAUSE it's 2D!”

followed by: "Animation is a visual medium and the quality of the art affects how much the story means !!!!”

Yes. Totally. Animation is a visual medium and the look and style is important. Sadly, people use this excuse to really obnoxious ends, insisting that design being pretty is '' everything ''. When you treat a movie more as a special effects demo I get why you talk about the artistry at hand; but I’m sorry, visuals are not the only thing important and it’s why I’m also getting sick of the sameElsafacesyndrome rants too! There’s this attitude that's reads as "but it LOOKS better fromaproductionimage/teasertrailerwhichapparentlyisindicativeof all themovieactuallyis so it MUST BE better".

-“3D should only be used to make things look realistic!”

I think I know the logic this criticism is made in response to, and that’s the Sony + Illumination films which look just as good in 2D as they do in three dimensions. I know it feels like people are twisting this medium to try and make it like a classic cartoon when by all means people can and would love a classic cartoon being a classic cartoon. That I get- From the unsung 2D animator’s perspective, that’s more than valid !

But it’s a huuuuuuge slap in the face to 3d in saying it should only be used for "realistic animation" because

1: It’s not like realistic animation could age badly or look uncanny in the next few years. It's almost like technology is constantly improving, which I guess 2d animation never did and it was always the same technique and quality as every film that came after it.

2: The industry does treat 3d as a magic-moneymaker for this reason. Just listen to these people call the 2019 LION KING “live action” as if they’re embarrassed to call it animation. It IS animation! It would be impressive if you acknowledged that what it is, but like the CATS, you basically are treating it as just a neato tool to better your live action and not it's own artform - which it is!

3: By this “three-deeonly gud when real liek in da toystories” non-logic I guess 2d should ONLY be for flowyflowy SPACE JAM cartoons and maybe some Disney*. Just that though. You can’t do anything more with 2d. It’s never supposed to be realistic I guess. Good thing Richard Williams only did 'toons' and just toons that’s why we need 3d in the world I guess.

Wait no - that’s stupid.

"I HAVE to see the “Land Before Time 14″ when it comes out! I mean it’s a 2D animated film!"

Lost in the aether that is Youtube comment chains removed from kid's videos is a stream of this very VERY stupid argument supporting the buying of the 14th LAND BEFORE TIME film because it’s supporting 2D. My sister and I can be found on that chain arguing against this stupidity. All you have is my word, but trust me: it really did happen.

I’m sorry but...no.

Unless you have a friend or a family member who worked on these movies there’s no reason to see this and ESPECIALLY no reason to insist it’s a win for the 2D community if you buy up this crap - and I'm not judging if you do like it, but come on! LAND BEFORE TIME 14 isn't where your money should go if you really like this medium.

What’s so infuriating about this argument is you can tell it’s made by nonanimators. Real animators will tell you to support their movies cause they want some respect for their artform which is why there’s such a push from the PRINCESS AND THE FROGcrowd that you SEE and LOVE every 2d thing out there, regardless of how good it is because any recognition for it is k i n d o f what they're after!

Kiddy sequel schlock isn’t even in the same ballpark as KLAUS or WOLFWALKERS; these films DID have very limited theatrical runs (Klaus so it could be nominated; Wolfwalkers in places where theaters opened up after Covid) and should have been supported because they were labors of love made by people who love animation.

As other people have already pointed out, one of the reasons for the lack of interest in 2000sera2D animation is that the only films released alongside critical+financial 3D hits were cheaper 2D films that either coincided with daytime tv shows or should have been just direct-to-video. It’s not to say art couldn’t come out of these flicks, but dayum if it wasn’t abused as much as the texture software that era's CG used... Point being, should the world ever go back to normal: If you hear about an out-of-town showing an acclaimed 2D animated film, make time to trek out and see THAT!

Don’t give your money to see yet another made-for-tv movie on the big screen because all that tells the studio is: “yeah 2d IS cheap and only good for cheap stuff let’s just keep it cheap. Only 3d is important 8D 8D 8D !!!"

“I don’t understand how it works. So it sucks.”

This text is from an ANIMATOR btw.

“I don’t understand how it works” and “it’s just some computer rendering” is the exact same wave of logic the people who prefer cgi use.

The plebian Karen I mentioned earlier? She understands the basics of 2D animation as much as you did from one of those cruddy flash classes you took in middle-school. She 'understands' the basics cuz she watched how it was made on the DVD features or maybe back on the WONDERFUL WORLD OF DISNEY. To her, the illusion is broken and she’s not impressed by 'just some drawings on paper'. You, an animator, know the process is more complicated and is intrigued by knowing how it’s made - not bored or disinterested -

Neither you nor Aunt Karen have really good cg-animation software at your house and unless you ARE a 3D animator you probably DON’T know all the ins-and-outs of how these movies are modeled, rendered, and animated.

Aunt Karen is bedazzled by them cause she doesn’t know how it works and the technical aspect makes her brain hurt so it might as well be magic and she can feel like a cool kid sharing Minion-memes. Aunt Karen is the nonartistic type who just wants to feel safe. You're not. You want to feel challenged.

I get it: you’re pissed off cause you’re in a field no one, including Aunt Karen, appreciates; told to work in cg which it's an artform you didn’t devote your life to and told to learn it cause THIS style sells! 3D is everywhere and is starting to look like 'garbage' even if you don’t animate 3D models yourself you just KNOW, I guess. Besides, you know all there is to know about 2d!! You know all there is to possibly know about this artform and have to fight this 'war' against "r e a l" animation! And I mean even when 3d software is there to use, it's not like you can actually make anything worth while in it, especially not anything that transcends the medium. Right Worthikids?

TL;DR: This argument is basically just " BWAAAAH I’M NOT GONNA USE IT I HAVE STANDARDS (a chip on my shoulder cuz art should be what I deem it to be) "

“PRINCESS AND THE FROG is-”

There’s a reason I can’t say I truly like PRINCESS AND THE FROG even though it's not even a bad movie! Like, stop reading this and watch PATF if you haven't it's good. It's my 'FROZEN', in that; I see a lot of potential in it I just think it needs some serious rewriting and that bugs me. Always have felt that way, tbh.

I dislike this movie because the response from the animation community seems to be it was perfect and the Academy was just Pixar-crazy with UP ((ftr, the Academy IS Pixar’s bitch and I personally advocate a sequel be made to WAKING SLEEPING BEAUTY about Mike Eisner’s sabotage of the 2D department at Disney which is still in place now!- but that’s a story for another day)). I’m sorry but UP was just a better story. So was CORALINE. So was FANTASTIC MR. FOX. Honest to god it feels like poor PATF is brought up as just a talking point and never for it's own worth as a labor of love - which it was! I'd like to honestly know: had PRINCESS AND THE FROG come out now and been cg if it would have even half the defenders for it because now it doesn't "look" like how a Disney movie "should" look...

If you like PatF more than the currant Disney lineup because of it's culture, it's music, it's feminism, it's black representation? Awesome. Great. Those things should be appreciated and I never want that taken away from you. But if you seriously think PatF is better just for how it was animated and looks - I lowkey may hate you.

“ALL OF DISNEY’S LATEST MOVIES SHOULD HAVE BEEN 2D! THEY ALL LOOK AWFUL IN 3D!! ALL OF THEM!”

TANGLED, FROZEN, and MOANA? Yeah. Sure. But um, e x c u s e y o u- WRECK IT RALPH sooooo doesn’t work in 2d! It could have used different between the various worlds but it’s about hopping through different video games. I’m also of the opinion that ZOOTOPIA and BIG HERO 6 are fine the way they are. Their 3d is awesome.

The latest fairy tale Disney films are really big on their place alongside the 2D canon esp in marketing. They keep trying to mimic 2D to varying results though I don't think it works as well as the movie's I'd previously mentioned. Me personally, I would love a mix of 3D and 2D technology, like if the backgrounds in FROZEN still got to be 3D but the characters were handdrawn and shaded ala KLAUS ((sweet sigh)). But even then are they truly unwatchable just based on how they're animated to you?

MOANA would have been incredible in 2D but for the record - I don't think it feels out of place in it's style. It reminds me more of a Pixar movie with the heart of a Disney classic which is it's own just as good.

“2D is the oldest form of animation and it’s being replaced.”

Actually, if we’re talking animation in film, stop motion is the earliest form of animation. The stop motion animated THE ADVENTURES OF PRINCE ACHMED and TALE OF THE FOX predate Disney’s SNOW WHITE. And yes: stop-motion IS still a form of animation even if it’s a serious of pictures taken of real life things and not drawings, so don’t you dare come at me with the "but that's not animated"/"Technically it’s LIVE ACTION" crap or I’ll envoke the spirit of Sandman to get you at night.

“Every animated film would look better in 2D! Even PIXAR would look better in 2D!”

Again, Stop Motion.

No, I mean it.

Lemme ask: Would ISLE OF DOGS or FANTASTIC MR. FOX carry any of the same effect if they were generic 90s toons? I know NIGHTMARE BEFORE CHRISTMAS wouldn’t. Christ, don’t even get me started on Svankmajer!

Sometimes the problem is that a movie is envisioned with a specific artform in mind. Pixar started out with toys and bugs for a reason and that’s cuz they were always gonna be a 3d studio and they needed to first overcome the placisity of the models. Over the years they’ve gotten really good at effects and blending unrealistic proportions with real textures (and also not so much- ONWARD and THE GOOD DINOSAUR really needed some different character designs and yeah, I do think would have looked better with a 2d artstyle, but not the ones they had in their films. THE GOOD DINOSAUR needed more realistic-speculative looking dinos and ONWARD needed a grittier HEAVY METAL/BLACK CAULDRON appeal to its designs.) My point being that the problems with these movies aren’t even inherently the animation as much as it is a problem of style. As someone who runs a group speculating different styles and designs for movies and tv shows I’m all for envisioning a 2D ZOOTOPIA or Bluth-inspired FNAF. That’s amazing!

But that’s also the talk of fan artists and nerds and not the professional artists working on visualizing their stories!!

Since I ate, slept, and breathed NIGHTMARE in my youth I’ll use it as an example: All the concept art ever done for TNBC was on paper and 2D was used in the final film. However, even when Tim Burton was thinking of making it just a tv special it was always going to be stop-motion. NIGHTMARE’s puppet cast do work very well in two dimensions, believe me, but the film was made as a love letter to Rankin/Bass and the art form of stop-motion. Skipping to another Henry Selick-helmed project (haha), JAMES AND THE GIANT PEACH was also always envisioned as a multimedia film to give it a truly dream-like atmosphere. If you know anything about Henry Selick you’ll know he’s 1) a perfectionist, and 2) loves mixed media and different types of animation and puppetry at once. That’s why he was the perfect pick to direct TNBC at the time, why JAMES AND THE GIANT PEACH and CORALINE are so beautiful and why MOONGIRL, his only fully 3d film, doesn’t have the same appeal.

As for what films I couldn’t imagine NOT being 3D? Probably; 9, Padak, Next Gen, Soul, Finding Nemo, the Toy Story films, Wreck-it-Ralph (as previously mentioned), Wall.E, Waltz with Bashir, Robots, Inside Out, Arthur Christmas, The Painting, Happy Feet, Shrek, Enter the Spiderverse, Megamind… just naming a few here.

“I want a traditionally animated film [and by that I mean a 90s-Disney/Don Bluth looking movie] of ‘x'-popular live action/stage thing!”

Okay I’m cheating a bit but it’s my blog and so I’m gonna stick this one in because it’s related.

When I see musings about wanting live-action or CGI shiz to be in 2d again a lot of the time this argument actually boils down to " I want this to look like a 90s Didney movie ". Or, if it’s about animals - " I want it to look like a Don Bluth film! "

Like...there ARE other styles of animation out there...you know that right?

Frack, Disney themselves tried different styles throughout the 90s it’s just that the peak of the Disney renaissance films (LITTLE MERMAID, BEAUTY AND THE BEAST, ALADDIN, THE LION KING) and the many imitators that followed tended to have the same look to them where only film/animation nerds kept watching into the era that was TARZAN, HERCULES, and ATLANTIS along with the kids. Aunt Karen wasn't singing Part of your World in the carride with you every day.

The Don Bluth argument is especially irritating because...what exact feeling do you WANT from a movie if it looked Bluthish? Each of the four ‘quintessential’ Bluth movies (NIMH, AMERICAN TAIL, LBT, and ALL DOGS) have such a different feel to them that’s complimented by that style; SECRET OF NIMH is a drama about wild animals trying to understand humans; LAND BEFORE TIME is even more squarely about an animal’s perspective as there’s literally no humans around; AMERICAN TAIL uses animals stowing away on the ship to tell a story about refugees; and ALL DOGS GO TO HEAVEN is ALL DOGS GO TO HEAVEN.

What the frack are you even asking for with that because I think there’s a certain flavor to the Bluth-styled oeuvre as well as the 90s Disney catalogue that would clash too much stylistically with some films.

Also come on! Like some Bluthian-style 2d would really fix THE SECRET LIFE OF PETS or SCOOB!, bite me.

I think this fixation solely on these two hand drawn styles and nothing else is based on nostalgia goggles, refusing to step outside the norm and discover different films and feelings than Disney and Bluth, and just preference. Goin back to NIGHTMARE there will always be a special place in my heart for Henry Selick’s stop motion, but I couldn’t imagine CHICKEN RUN or ANOMALISA in it's unique style.

Also I’m tired of every time there’s a "lets make an animatic to ‘x’ musical theater song" it’s reliably just Disneyesque or realistic. WHY envision an animated version of the show at all if it doesn’t have A STYLE to it??!?! I’m sorry but 90s-Disney does NOT fit CABARET!

“3D is so CHEAP now! Why can’t they just do 2D again?”

I think - on the cusp of the 2020s and the Grubhub hatedom, there ARE changing times ahead for 3d and 2d. The general public are starting to get tired of the same looking 3d films and wanting some 2d back, but they don’t have the best resources or opinions on animation to know what it is they want. Meanwhile, the animation community + industry is trying to figure out what to do and you have a lot of turmoil between the monopoly that is the industry, the high standards of the artists, and the mixed wants of the animation fanbase deciding what art needs to be.

It’s a tough business. And in the spirit of that tough business - maybe DON’T act like the means of a film’s production is solely your control, that you know best, and know definitively what the artists should have done....cuz you don't. Sorry my fellow criticalfanomanalysist-folks we DON'T and in an age of standom where fans and critics think it's okay to hackle indie animation studios about not getting their pitched cartoon out fast enough - we need to reserve these discussions to our circles and not treat them as gospel.

3d animation and 2d animation have to share this world. Stop acting like they’re either interchangeable in terms of budget, means of production, or artistry or that one has to be superior to the other.

The industry already says one art form is better (spoiler: it’s always live-action), we don’t need anymore of this purist garbage. Just stick to what you like while trying new things on the side. Be critical while also being compassionate. And remember:

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#animation #animation on tumblr #2d animation #3d animation #traditional animation #hand drawn animation #Franki's Features

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painted-crow · 3 years

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Secondary Toast Revolving Door, Part 1

I guess I should start with a little about me, since that’s easier than making you pick through previous asks for information and some of you guys are new here. This one’s going to be heavily personal, so you can skip it if you want.

I’m a double Bird. My Bird primary system is heavily Badger influenced, and I also use Lion to support it by telling me when I should investigate something more closely. If we can dip into primary territory for a moment, I guess you can say I understand the world through systems that model things around me. But not all of those systems are things I’ve consciously examined, or fully investigated.

My understanding of how historical people dressed is pretty limited, for example, because I haven’t studied it in depth to get all the information—but I consciously understand what I do know about it. You could say this system piece is tiny but clear; I could expand it if I chose to find out more.

My understanding of how someone I’m not close to thinks might have more data to work with, but I haven’t consciously processed it; that’s the kind of thing where my Lion primary model will tell me to look closer if that person starts acting weird. This system piece might be described as huge but fuzzy; I could clarify it if I sat down and thought about it. I probably have more of these than I realize, but Lion basically takes care of monitoring those. I don’t have to investigate everything.

But some of my systems are both large and fairly clear, because I’ve taken the time both to gather data on them and to examine it. My understanding of myself is… well, I won’t say it’s terribly clear, because I’m in my early twenties and I’m still constantly getting new information, plus someone keeps changing the environment and mucking with my data (that would be me). But I have to examine it, because my brain is like a notoriously buggy piece of software and I’m the poor schmuck saddled with tech support duties.

Basically, the reason I’m good at playing therapist with other people is that I’m constantly doing exactly that thing with myself. (This probably makes me a very annoying patient for actual therapists.)

About that buggy brain, then.

I have major depression. That was professionally diagnosed when I was a teenager and it’s probably genetic. I take medication for it, when I remember to. It especially flares up in the winter or when I’m under stress. I probably have some kind of anxiety disorder too.

I’m almost certainly autistic, which I’ve never brought up with a professional—the first person to figure it out was the system I’m now best friends with, because they’re autistic and they knew I was within two weeks of talking to me. It took me two years to catch up with them and figure it out myself.

In my defense, I thought executive dysfunction, sensory overwhelm, dissociation, and hyperempathy were like… secret menu items for depression, because those only really bug me during depressive episodes. My current theory is that they’re related to autistic burnout instead.

I mask a lot, subconsciously—it’s actually really hard to turn that off normally—and I just can’t do that as much when depressed. If I do, my tolerance for everything else goes way down and I’ll go into overwhelm and start having shutdowns and dissociating. I recover pretty quickly (hours, not days), but if you’ve never spent 15 minutes standing in a Walmart aisle trying to decide whether you want a jar of peanut butter, but you can’t make decisions because you can’t access your emotions and you don’t really feel like you’re “here” but you kind of just want to go home… well, be glad I guess.

Of course, I have other autistic traits that show up when I’m not under stress, but they’re seldom associated with autism because most people don’t know what autis are like when we’re actually happy. Like, hyperlexia? That’s not even an “official” word, the auti community just uses it because “official” literature hasn’t caught up. I taught myself to read at age three (according to my mom; she says I was reading news headlines and stuff, not just books I’d memorized) and wrote a 35k word novella when I was ten, with no external prompting. My audio processing used to be terrible, but I routinely tested at college age reading levels as a kid.

I also might have ADHD? If so, it’s also mostly just noticeable if I’m under stress, and then it’s hard to tell if that’s the issue or if it’s just autism/depression again.

You might be getting a clearer picture of how my secondary and its model end up burnt so often!

(Resisting a very strong urge to cut stuff from this post.)

In short, I was a Gifted Kid. I spent a lot of my teen years biting off more than I could chew, honestly. I felt that I should be able to do more, and I wanted to be taken seriously, but I had basically no idea how to take care of myself because my needs are different from everyone else’s. I’m still figuring those out.

I’m kind of like an orchid plant: incredibly picky about conditions, wants a different “soil” and watering schedule, gets stressed if stuff changes too quickly, but when everything is just right and it does bloom, it goes all out.

I’m not kidding when I say that I have odd needs. One of them is the need for creative work, which seems to be hardwired into me. When I say that art or writing keeps me sane, I often hear back “oh yeah! I’ve heard that can be very therapeutic,” which is an innocuous reply, but it’s always bugged me, and I think I’ve figured out why.

First, because that’s not the reason I make things… I just… have to. Second, I can’t “make up” not doing creative work with some other kind of therapy. Third and most importantly, I’d much rather think of “artist” as my ground state, and depression as a condition that happens when my needs aren’t being met, rather than thinking of depression as the default that I’m just using art to escape from. That seems to me a healthier way of thinking, and probably a more accurate one, but I’m probably the only one who can see that distinction.

If life gets in the way and I can’t make space for creative work, it will actively make my depression worse. I know this because, multiple times, I’ve been unable to pinpoint why I’m feeling shitty, and then I go back to my easel or my writing or (ukulele, cooking, even just taking care of houseplants) and realize I haven’t done anything creative in like a month and thaaaat’s the problem.

I crack open a bottle of gesso to prep some canvases and it smells like… well, I don’t think you can get high off gesso? But it’s not like when you’re out of it on painkillers or cold medicine or whatever. It’s incredibly grounding, like the world snaps back into focus but it’s also oddly euphoric. Or I write ten thousand words in a couple days and it just… I don’t know what that does. I’ve never run across a word for it.

The writer of Smile at Strangers (a really good memoir centered around women, anxiety, and karate) describes a similar feeling in relation to her martial arts practice.

It’s also a bit like when all the snow melts after winter and you step outside and there’s the smell of wet soil under sunlight and I’m not sure if this fully translates for people who don’t have seasonal depression. Sorry.

Dammit, I want to paint… I haven’t had space to set up for like eight months. I’ve been nose-deep in writing projects since last summer for a reason, but right now my friggin Ravenclaw secondary is off angsting about something because of Life Stress Bullshit, and I don’t have the focus to work on any of my writing projects. Apart from this one. But it’s not really what I want in terms of creative work.

*velociraptor screech*

Oh, yeah. I guess I could mention this is why my nickname is Paint. Not sure if that was obvious before. The header image (which is more visible in the app for some reason) is one of my paintings. It’s a tiny one and it’s not one of my favorites, but I had the photo on my phone and the colors work well enough for what I needed.

(restrains self from negging my own painting ability)

This is starting to get into spoiler territory for what burned Ravenclaw secondary looks like, huh? It’s peaced out for a couple weeks at this point. I’m trying to write about what made it take off, but my ability to think of words and form a coherent sentence kinda flew out the window when I approached it directly.

Let’s just say that around the start of the month, someone I was talking to online (if you’re reading this, it’s definitely not you) kindaaaa hit a nasty depression trigger of mine. Not their fault—it’s very specific to me, and I struggle to explain why I can’t really talk about it. Basically, I spent years studying programming and web design, and due to several different but related issues during that experience, it’s now a trigger for me. I very much want it not to be, but trying to train that out of myself has induced more than one panic attack and I’m stuck between giving up on it or figuring out a way to go back to it that doesn’t totally shut my brain down.

That paragraph took forever to write, by the way.

I think I have to end this here. I… am going to go take out the trash, and water my plants, and make my bed, and file some paperwork, and maybe I’ll even mix up some bread dough or do some laundry. Spoiler alert for what it looks like when my Hufflepuff model takes over, I guess.

Oh. And I should maybe probably eat something. I almost forgot about that... again.

#sortinghatchats #time to overshare on the internet i guess #secondary toast revolving door #mental health #burned ravenclaw secondary #hufflepuff secondary model #ravenclaw primary #paint speaks

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rachelbethhines · 4 years

Text

Tangled Salt Marathon - The Brothers Hook

It’s time to say goodbye to Hook Foot. He won’t be missed.

Summary: Rapunzel takes everyone to see Hook Hand in concert. However, this brings back bad memories in Hook Foot, as he was always overshadowed and looked down on by his elder brother. Hook Hand is revealed to be employed by the self-centered King Trevor who wants Hook Hand to play at the ceremony of the marriage between the Seal of Equis and his female mate. When Hook Foot sabotages his brother’s performance at the wedding he must face King Trevor in a dance off to save Hook hand’s career.

The Episode Placement Is Indeed Wrong

I talked about this last episode, but the ordering of episodes is confusing.

The Brother’s Hook does come after Rapunzel: Day One in terms of production order and is placed after it on the Disney Plus, but it supposedly aired before Rapunzel: Day One originally and the events make more sense in that aired order. As they’re traveling on foot here because they lost the caravan, and they’re all stressed out and fighting in the first scene of this episode. Also it world explain Hook Foot’s absence in Rapunzel Day One.

Yet why would they order things that way? Why hold off on resolving the Raps and Cass argument if you’re not going to even hint at it here? Why not place this earlier in the season so that you wouldn’t be dragging Hook Foot along in the Great Tree for no reason?

It just goes to show how rushed and poorly planned out season two actually was.

This is Another Pointless Parallel

So Hook Foot is suppose to represent Cassandra here and Hook Hand is supposed to be Rapunzel in this scenario but like that doesn’t work for several reasons.

For one, Rapunzel never discouraged Cassandra’s dreams. Cassandra herself just never opened up to tell her what those dreams were, and indeed even the audience don’t know what Cass’s dreams are now that she’s already achieved her goal of becoming a guard back in the first season. I don’t think even Cassandra knows what she wants.

Second, Rapunzel and Cassandra’s conflict isn’t actually about ‘dreams’, it’s about control. Each wants to control the other, to be in charge, because they think themselves always right. Both equate ‘being right’ and a lack of criticism as validation and to them, and this show in general, validation is equated with ‘love and compassion’ and is the ultimate end all and be all goal for everyone. Even though that’s not how validation works and a it’s a very unhealthy mindset to promote.

Third, no one owes you anything. Yeah, Hook Hand is a jerk here, but at the end of the day giving up on his dreams was Hook Foot’s choice. You are in charge of your own choices, and at some point you need to decide if you’re going to listen to rest of the world telling you no or have some self respect and do what you want because you want it. You don’t actually need anyone’s approval but your own. By making ‘validation’ the end all and be all of the narrative, it undermines characters agency and fails to teach people about self respect and accountability.

Same goes for Cassandra, even more so in fact. She needs to be the one to get off her ass and try for what she wants. No one is going to hand it to her and Raps doesn’t owe her a damn thing. Cassandra is the only thing getting the way of Cassandra because time and time again the series gives her chances that she refuses to take for ill defined reasons. There’s nothing at stake for her to lose if she just left.

Last off, no one learns anything from this. Cass gets nothing out of it despite being right there the whole time, and Rapunzel is too hypocritical and self centred to see that she is very bit the bully same as Hook Hand. Not because she crushes Cassandra’s dreams like the narrative wants you to think, but because she tries to insert herself and her views on to everyone.

Bullshit

Once again, may I remind you that there is over twenty villians in this show and only four of them get redemptions. Four! And one of those four was Eugene’s doing not Rapunzel’s.

The narrative does not support the ideas that it wants to push. If you want me to believe that Rapunzel does sincerely believe in second chances then you need to show her giving that chance to everybody equally. And no, not everyone has to take it, not everyone needs to be redeemed, but she needs to at least try. Especially if they’re a recurring baddie with a tragic backstory like Lady Caine’s.

Oh, and may I also remind you that currently a 15 year old orphan is rotting away in a jail cell because of the corrupt government and Rapunzel does not give a crap!

The Song Is Sounds Good But It Adds Nothing

It doesn’t add anything to the overall narrative and it fails to add anything to the episode itself because it gives us no new information.

This is extremely wasteful. Not only because Alan Menken and Glenn Slater are highly respected artists who are wasting their talents on crap like this, but also for pure budgetary reasons. Tangled has a limited budget for songs that is worked into the contract. Each season is suppose to get eight original songs and two reprises. (tho season three trades out one of those songs for an extra reprise)

In an arc heavy series like this, with such a limited number of songs to convey information, then you need to choose where those songs go wisely. The writers did not choose wisely in this instance.

Rapunzel You Are Not In A Position To Give Advice Here

This episode is foreshadowing for what season three would become. Which is a complete formula switch up that undermines the narrative’s goals.

This is suppose to be a coming of age tale. That’s in its mission statement. It’s what the writers supposedly wanted to achieve according to interviews and the very pilot episode itself.

That requires Rapunzel learning and growing. She can’t be in the mentor role. She can’t be the one to give out sage advice if she is the one who is meant to grow the most. She not there yet. She’s not experienced enough to fulfill that place in the narrative.

Season one may have been repetitive in it’s lessons but it at least tried to show Rapunzel owning up to mistakes and changing as a person, but here and in season three they toss that out the window and have Rapunzel teaching other people lessons instead. People who ultimately don’t matter to the overall narrative.

Instead of showing her growing as a person and coming to fit in that role over time due to experience, it has the opposite effect of showing Rapunzel as being patronizing, selfish, and unworthy to rule. Because she has no grounds for having an opinion, no basis for her advice to go off of, no experience to back up what she says, and zero claims for being in charge except for being born in a classist feudal system.

Had the narrative actually bothered to call out this instead of just having Cass pitch a hissy fit over nothing, then we could have gotten a really complex character and unique moral to the show, but that’s not what actually happens.

King Trevor Is the Saving Grace of This Episode

I don’t think the writers realize that Trevor isn’t the hateable douche that they believe him to be.

Oh sure he’s not nice, he’s essentially the equivalent of an annoying ‘I want to speak to the manager!’ type customer. But there is a huge, huge difference between being a Karen and being a fascist dictator. One’s irritating and the other is actively malicious and a danger to people's lives.

Frederic might be outwardly more pleasant but he’s still a person who abuses his power in order to harm poor people. Trevor is just a mother-of-bridezilla here and a perfectionist. Like big deal.

And to be honest Rapunzel isn’t that much better.

Like you are a bully Raps. You’re every bit a pushy and demanding as Trevor is, particularly in season three.

While she’s not actively malicious like Frederic, she’s still a danger to people because she refuses to acknowledge that the power she wields has an impact on others lives and that that impact can indeed be negative.

There’s something called the banality of evil. That being simply mean to others isn’t how true evil spreads. It’s people refusing to challenge the system, and if you are a part of that system then you are a part of the evil it spreads no matter how nice you are outwardly.

Rapunzel and the show at large, does not understand the difference between being nice and being kind. It introduces the concept of flawed government and systems but then does nothing to actually challenge it. It forgoes the actual work it takes to make change happen by focusing on easy outs and proformative progressivism.

Trevor does more than either Frederic or Rapunzel here with this one line alone than they do in three full seasons.

Eugene did indeed commit a violent crime, no matter how much the show tried to present such a crime as ‘funny’. Trevor is in his legal rights to prosecute the person who tried to kidnap his child/pet and assaulted his personage.

Yet he’s actually granting mercy here. More than that, he’s inviting them to his child’s/pet’s wedding. He’s offering friendship when he could have had them killed. Because Tevor, for all his faults, recognizes the power the that he wields and then makes the conscious decision not to abuse that power.

Moreover over he acknowledges the difference between what is a personal offense and not a an attack on his kingdom as a whole. What Eugene and Frederic did could have been considered an act of war and Trevor never even considered that an option.

It’s sign of bad writing when the person we’re supposed to consider a jerk and a recurring antagonist is more compassionate than the main heroine herself. Even as he jeers and makes an arse of himself.

This is the Point Where Rapunzel’s Characterization Buckles and Breaks

At first glance this seems like growth. She’s now assertive and taking charge, and Hook Hand did indeed had this coming, but in context of the greater narrative and how Rapunzel’s character develops past this episode, this is the point where the wheels start to come off.

Rapunzel is a hypocrite. We’ve established this as a fundamental part of her characterization back in season one and it’s the driving force behind all of the main conflicts with her in the first two seasons. But before now, her hypocrisy at least had consequences. It caused enough problems that if you were paying attention you could see it for the flaw that it was.

But here her hypocrisy is presented as being right. She looks over Hook Hand even as she tells him not to look down on others. She dictates to him how his relationship with his own brother should go, when she has zero context for said relationship. She’s heard only one side of the story and only a piece of it. She doesn’t know what actually went down between them while they were growing up nor does she honestly care why Hook Hand does what he does. Even as she asks him why.

Yet she is rewarded for this behavior. She’s never called out as wrong. The narrative bends over backwards to accommodate her and reinforces her views. Without direct consequences a character’s flaws are rendered meaningless, and so the character will only frustrate the audience rather than endear themselves to us.

That is the opposite of what you want to achieve in a story. You want to the audience to like you’re main characters, or at least find them entertaining in their awfulness. Making them right all of the time, even when they’re wrong sabotages this goal.

Trevor’s Still the Better Person Here

Like it may not have been Hook Hands fault, but at the end of the day he did screw up at his job and a paying customer has the right to be upset and refuse to work with you again or even demand their money back. That’s what being self-employed means. It’s part of the risk you take as being a contractor.

Trevor’s not being unreasonable here just because he raised his voice and wants Hook Hand to leave the wedding premises. Yeah the insults are uncalled for, I’ll give you, but remember that Frederic locked a tailor in a stockade for accidently ripping a robe; that he has the ability to fix if he wasn’t locked up.

And he resolves conflicts and personal insults with a dance off!

What happened when someone called Frederic out for being a poor leader and endangering lives, oh yeah they wound up in jail!

Also This Episode’s Big Climax is a Fucking Dance Off

Out of all the low stakes conflicts in this show this is the lowest.

And it’s coming right off The Great Tree and the big Cassandra vs Rapunzel fight. This shouldn’t be here. It’s throws off the pacing the tone.

Well I Guess Trevor Kept HIs Word, Which Is More Than What Frederic Would Do

Like Trevor is defeated and he does indeed complain about losing, but everyone is apparently free to leave afterwards and Hook Hand still has a career so I guess Trevor kept his side of the bargain. Even though he has no reason to and no one to hold him to account for it. He just has a code of honor I guess.

Meanwhile, Frederic throws a teenager in a dungeon after promising to help him and completely ignores his supposed friend Quirin being encased in amber.

So What Was the Point In Bringing Hook Foot Along Again?

What did Hook Foot add? What did he bring to the story that no other character out there could bring? What does writing him out of the story now achieve, and why couldn’t he have been left out of the narrative all together?

If your answer to all of those question is ‘Nothing!’, then congratulations you have more sense than the showrunners.

I have seen a few people get angry and suggest that Lance should have been the one to go because getting rid of Hook Foot meant getting rid of the shows main disabled rep, but that’s ignoring that getting rid of Lance would mean getting rid of the shows only real black representation as well. Because tokenism isn’t real representation.

Yet for all of how poorly handled Lance’s character was, he still has more reason to be there than Hook Foot. He has a unique connection to one of the main characters that, once introduced, would be hard to ignore. There’s nothing connecting Hook Foot to the plot or the main characters, and that’s why he shouldn’t have been in the show at all. Regardless of how much you may have liked him.

Destiny Isn’t a Goal!!!

How many times do I have to say this!?

A goal needs to be specific. It needs to have logical motivation behind it. It needs a clear obstacle to be overcome for the character to achieve it.

A vague ‘destiny’ has none of those things.

Conclusion

Meh. That’s the word that best describes this episode and the majority of season two. It’s not the worst thing ever if you just want to shut your brain off for 30 minutes, but it’s not actually good either, and if you stop to think about any of it for more than two seconds it falls apart.

#tangled #anti-tangled #hook foot #anti-rapunzel #tangled the series #rapunzel's tangled adventure

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kuriquinn · 4 years

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Dear Mr. Kuri, thank you so much for your recent post concerning the young artist who was effectively censored from sharing his/her/their art on a particular subject (just... so sad). I was hoping to get your thoughts on how adults might navigate interactions with minors in this space. Specifically, extending our support for their work w/out necessarily... engaging with them. I know this sounds crazy stupid but before tumblr I wasn't really active on any social media and I had no idea (cont'd)

there were so many users under the age of 16 on this site. I've even come to learn that some identified users I had interacted with early on were as young as 13, and as someone in my 30's - tbh that scared the shit out of me. I totally agree that someone that young and impressionable would be crushed by the kind of criticism that poor artist faced, and would likely never create or share again... to their detriment. The thing is though, I feel really hesitant following any creator (cont'd)

that isn't 18 or older... What are your thoughts on following/reblogging/interacting with minors in fandom? I fully agree that they need support, especially from older users who don't care what some stranger on the internet has to say... but I just feel... like I don't know how to go about that the right way. I really REALLY don't want minors on my blog at all... sorry to bother you with this, just wondering how you'd suggest handling this. I didn't comment on the post bc I didn't (cont'd)

want to risk that young artist reading my inquiry and feeling even more alienated. As always, thank you for your time and insight. - Birk

I may go a bit off-topic here, but let me give this a try:

I think in, In the end, it all comes down to communication and mutual respect.

Adults have this pervading mentality that until a child hits 18, they need to be infantilized and sheltered, but once they pass that magical number, then it’s a free for all. So, for eighteen years, it’s all about sticking a Potemkin village in front of any idea, person or situation that a child might find uncomfortable (read: they don’t like the feelings it gives them; very different from actual harmful ideas/persons/situations). Then, these sheltered almost-adults enter public spaces and expect society to keep doing that…when it turns out that’s not how it works, they become toxic.

This is how poisonous movements like purity-culture develop online, or new fans who demonize older fans and adults as being perverts for enjoying the very same pastimes they have.

For those of us interacting with these people, the automatic reaction is to “cancel” that person, thereby alienating and isolating them even more in their bad behavior. Instead of taking the time to talk with and try to show them through actions that the world isn’t limited to what they know.

As adults in fandom, we know that a large majority of the fandom is younger, because we were them once. We were that 12-year-old discovering fanfiction existed or sharing drawings we made of our original Harry Potter characters or quoting our favorite movies and televisions ad infinite. We got shit for it in real life, so we had to create spaces of our own online.

We, in effect, built fandom so that it would be more welcoming for the generations that came after us. And while a lot of us stick to that unwritten knowledge, as the years pass, a lot more become gatekeepers. They set a standard of what a fan must know or do to be considered a “real” fan, and they’re mean about how they do that.

Is it any wonder that new fans coming in experience this behavior and then jump on the “adults in fandom is creepy” bandwagon?

These new fans coming in, especially tweens and teens, they still live in this false reality where they only get to enjoy themselves and be kids for a limited amount of time, and once they Become Adult they have to give it all up—and can’t figure out why all those old creeps online are still a part of such “childish” things.

That fault lies squarely on our society, which pushes kids from a young age to be thinking of what they want to do when they grow up so they can get out there and start producing, producing, producing for the state and becoming a “useful” member of society.

We as fandom veterans, need to do our best to teach them differently, and that comes right back to my point: communication and mutual respect.

Older fans need to respect newcomers, as much as the new baby fans need to learn to respect their fandom elders. There is no maximum age for fandom; there’s no minimum age, either, although the younger the fan, the more their parents should be keeping an eye out for the truly damaging stuff and teaching their kids how to avoid that stuff on their own.

Now, obviously, people don’t always announce online how old they are (though it does happen more frequently now than when I started writing), but regardless, there should be a certain etiquette to it.

When you interact with someone online, you don’t know if they are 15 or 50. And the way you interact with them shouldn’t change based on knowing their age. We should maintain the same level of respect for the new fans as the older fans.

So, as to how adults might navigate interactions with minors (especially when you know they’re minors)?

Treat them as any other intelligent human being: with respect.

Because how else are they going to learn?

My mom always used to say to us, “I’m not raising children, I’m raising adults,” which basically meant she was teaching us how to be adults. Kids don’t pop out of the womb magically knowing how to interact with the world, they take their cues from the adults that are already there.

Fandom babies learn how to be active participants in fandom from the people who are already there. And they’re more likely to listen to and look up to someone that treats them as a mature and capable being, than someone who dismisses them as too young or too green, or dismisses their knowledge and experience because they haven’t earned their metaphorical stripes.

Remember, a lot of these kids are coming to fandom because they need an outlet. In this age of helicopter parents, this is the only place where they get to be treated as an individual adult-in-the-making instead of the overly protected child or student that must be shielded from the world. A lot of them are trying to figure out how to deal with the horrors that happen to them or around them every day. That 16-year-old girl writing a rape/non-con fic under a pseudonym? She could be exorcising her own demons through the only way she has because no one in her life is listening to her. That 14-year-old writing about homelessness might know more about it than someone twice his age.

Expertise and experience knows no age, and as adults, we need to not fall into the trap of thinking it does. There are some kids out there that have seen and endured more than I can even imagine.

In recent years, there’s been this trend of treating kids like sexless beings until we, the adults, deem them capable of having a sense of sexuality. When the reality is, once kids start puberty, they’re developing that sexuality, and are trying to figure out what it means to them and how to navigate it, and the world. It doesn’t matter if adults are uncomfortable with it, this is what our human biology has decided for us.

And chances are, as much as adults try to curate the world and keep kids from seeing the darker, less safe stuff? They’re already doing it. I saw this when I was teaching, the kids are already accessing and interacting with stuff like sex, drugs, relationships… Whenever a faceless censor tries to block that sort of thing, they find a way around it. Humans are funny like that—we want the things that are kept away from us, whether harmful or not.

It’s our responsibility to help them think critically about what they’re seeing, and teach them to express themselves about it in a respectful manner.

So by all means: follow that amazing artist even if they are only 15. Their age doesn’t negate the fact that they have talent that needs to be nurtured and encouraged. Reblog the images and the fics that strike you, even if you find out the person writing it isn’t 18 yet. Send a shoutout via DM or review or comment to someone that you admire whether you know they’re age or not.

Unless you’re being actively creepy and offensive (and seriously, don’t do that, it’s gross whether the recipient is a minor or not), chances are these creators are desperate for some assurance that the medium they choose to express themselves in is having an effect on people—and that they have the power to make even adults sit up and listen.

So…TL;DR:

When interacting with younger fans, do so with respect. And if they say something problematic, don’t automatically cancel them and write them off as “obviously too young and immature to understand”. They understand more than you think and will seek out their interests whether adults think it’s appropriate or not. That’s how freedom works. But if we’re going to nip bad behavior like purity culture and agism in the bud, we need to start by treating minors in fandom as adults developing their worldview, not as infants to be sheltered.

#longpost #asks #fandom #content creators #content consumers #reading #writing #online etiquette

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nightslain · 4 years

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So I guess it’s that time of day where I get up on my soap box to once again talk about the incongruities and gaping chasms in the Netflixvania plot that have yet to be addressed, specifically those that strengthen the case for why shoehorning Leon into this mess divorced of his supporting cast and story is probably a Bad Idea.

TL;DR I am perpetually tortured by the fact nothing makes sense right now so I am going to whinge exhaustively in a post to exorcise myself of misery and potentially spare my poor friend’s ears.

So. The show’s version of the origin story has not been properly detailed in any meaningful length except for the fact that a) Leon is indeed the patriarch of the Belmont family and b) he entered Wallachia specifically to hunt for Dracula. Sounds like the same story beats from LoI at face value, but just like everything else about this house of cards, it completely falls apart under the faintest bit of scrutiny. I’ve beat the dead horse of Mathias no longer being canon enough as it is, but Mathias is arguably the most pivotal character in the entire story. You cannot make a Castlevania adaptation that excludes his history and expect it to make actual sense. If you remove Mathias, you dismantle every facet of the plot in one fell swoop, especially if you’re going to try and wedge Leon Belmont into your story without him. The two are mutually exclusive, you cannot have one without the other unless you completely rewrite the canon to follow a wholly different trajectory that is free of those trappings (i.e Lords of Shadow, which I do not like, but I appreciate that it was trying to do something totally different and therefore don’t take great issue with it.)

And I would have accepted this level of reimagining was the show’s intention, if Leon wasn’t paid such a heaping dose of aggressive lip service to indisputably assert him as this universe’s Belmont patriarch as well. But put in context with the rest Ellis’ interpretation as is, this just ends up making no God damn sense.

Dracula has been explicitly stated to be the first vampire to exist in this universe. That solidly affirms that Mathias is not canon, so therefore Leon’s history with him is also non existent. So in turn, that logically means Walter Bernhard also never existed, Mathias never hatched that elaborate plot with him to betray Leon, Sara was never kidnapped, Leon never had to rescue her, she was never bitten by Walter, her soul was never sacrificed to make the Vampire Killer. So what did happen, then? If Dracula was never Mathias, then what the fuck was he up to in the 11th century? Getting his distance mirror apparently, which he made an oddly specific point of mentioning he acquired 400 years prior to the events of season two, which would have been approximately 1075. This would leave us 19 years prior to Lament of Innocence, so presumably Dracula was already a vampire when Leon was just a child. Which in itself just more effectively dispatches any expectations of their history together being the same or even just similar to what it was in LoI.

Albeit, Trevor treats us to some pretty loaded exposition in saying that the Belmont family hailed from France, moving to Wallachia when “the dark things all moved into the east”--followed by Alucard affirming that Leon was in Wallachia looking specifically for Dracula. So Dracula and his monsters were obviously in France at some point in this canon causing a stink that attracted Leon’s notice--we also have evidence of this with one of the storyboard artists drawing Leon in his knightly garb slaying said monsters. But if Dracula was never Mathias in Ellis’ interpretation, what was he even doing dicking around in France in the first place? And furthermore, what did he do to convince Leon to chase him into the east as well as devote his life and the life of every Belmont after him to killing Dracula specifically? Because it’s gonna be a pretty weak downgrade in motivation from the original story if he just wants to kill Dracula because Vampires Are Evil ™, or Dracula just offhandedly killed someone important to him without nary a drop of history behind them to give it weight.

Also another discrepancy between these two canons is Leon is still a knight when he goes into the east whereas he gave up his knighthood in the games; this is quite boldly showcased by his depiction in that big ass painting as well as the fact his sword is present in the Belmont hold--which is also coincidentally the thing that kills Dracula, not the Vampire Killer. And oh yeah, how the fuck is the Vampire Killer here if the whole plot behind its existence has been effectively erased? I repeat, it’s going to be a weak downgrade if it came from anything less than the tragedy of Sara Trantoul’s sacrifice--which its starting to seem like it will be, based on everything else that’s been exorcised from the show canon.

There’s just no sensible way to knit these two interpretations together at this point if Ellis is going to dig in his heels and maintain that Dracula’s history as Mathias is not part of his vision, so I really can’t say I’m sure what in God’s name he’s going to inject into the story to fill this gaping hole he’s gnawed into the canon. I strongly believe Leon should just have been quietly excluded if the most vital elements of his story have been erased along with Mathias as well. I would not be here complaining about this at all if Leon hadn’t been forced into this version of Castlevania unnecessarily, which then just opened up a black hole of inconsistencies. Why even add him? Why have your main cast keep talking about him? Why sprinkle in fresh lore about him? Why make his sword the thing that kills Dracula? Why do all this if he’s going to be either a non-entity in the future of the show, or you’re going to just ignore the entirety of the canon that he is inextricably attached to?

This is why I’m kind of in a purgatorial relationship with the show right now as we wait for season three; I have no idea if there’s going to be even a molecule of exposition showing off the “New and Improved” vision for Leon’s and Dracula’s backstory--a part of me finds their constant chatter about Leon a little too heavy-handed for his character and history to just be swept under the rug thereafter, but another part of me is pretty solidly convinced the show isn’t even going to attempt to address that elephant in the room from here.

However, if Alucard’s going to be left by his lonesome with nothing but his father’s castle and the Belmont library, then he better be busting his ass down there reading up on some Belmont family history. Because honestly? There really is no other purpose his character can serve when isolated from the rest of the cast, the action and the plot, besides acting as a vehicle for exposition. I’d like to believe that this was the intention behind that very sudden and very off-handed plot point of Trevor bestowing his family’s library upon him in season 2. Why else do that and then just leave him there? If Alucard is just going to be steered back into the fray early into the new season, then what was even the point of having the team go their separate ways?

Anyways. I’ve said before I really wouldn’t mind if the staff decided to rewrite Dracula and Leon’s history together a little due to the bizarre and convoluted nature of LoI’s plot which definitely needs a fresh coat of paint, and I still maintain that; but they seem to be both borrowing the outline of the premise while erasing the primary facets that made it work, and I’m entirely confused about how they’re going to actualise such a shaky narrative structure. Not very well, judging by this janky mess of plotholes they’ve dug for themselves--if they don’t just conveniently forget to ever address it again, I’m half sure their answers to these questions are going to be some wacky nonsense that probably even further diminishes the symbolic importance of the story as a whole.

If the show completely erases any meaningful relationship between Dracula and Leon as well as the gravity behind the Vampire Killer’s origins, then it will have truly sunk to a whole new depth. These are the only things I am begging Ellis not to fuck up. You know, the entire crux of Castlevania’s plot as we know it, and the entire reason this story is even playing out in this universe the way it is.

There’s no shortage of us already frustrated with his treatment of the canon as it is, and its a damn shame. I really like a lot of things about the show. The animation is still gorgeous, the music is wonderful, the atmosphere is great, and I felt genuinely moved by some of the scenes they curated for us. I appreciate the hard work the team as a whole has poured into it in the limited time frame they have to complete every season. There’s no taking away from the fact that the show has value in many areas. But Ellis to date has sadly cocked up more facets of the story than he has improved, which is what is consistently holding the show back. As much as I crave answers from this series though, I’m equally as afraid that I am not going to like them when I get them. Or that Leon’s character is going to get dragged backwards through a thorn-bush should he ever appear in the flesh.

I would love nothing more than season three to blow me away and restore my faith in the future of the series but at this point, I’d honestly settle for a few minutes of icon material and whatever answers there are so I can finally leave this bespoke Silent Hill Ellis’ writing has crafted for me, amen and good night.

#⚜ :: OOC┊Person of Sinterest #{sin complains; the thrilling novel you didnt know you needed}#{you dont need it LMAO BUT I HAVE TO SCREAM INTO THE VOID BC THIS IS DRIVING ME INSANE}#{u know that conspiracy theory meme from always sunny thats me}#{s3 or any consequent seasons will probably never answer my questions tbh ill just have to live here in this hell forever}#{also god damn please just release season 2's ost so i can enjoy that if nothing else}#{i hope s3 airs on my birthday so i can just really be kicked in the balls}

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alwaysbewoke · 5 years

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"You know, he's only mean to you because he likes you!"

Cast your mind back to the playground. Aaron and the other boys are playing tag, and he won't let you join in. The louder he insists, the harder you try to insert yourself, the situation escalating until Aaron sticks his leg out and you go flying. If he was trying especially hard to embody a cliche, he might even pull your pigtails. So far, so normal. Kids are cruel and weird. As a kid yourself, you're doing a pretty weird/normal job of processing the exclusionary nastiness ... until you hear from Mom that sometimes being treated badly is actually a good thing. "You know, he only does that because he likes you!" she says, spinning the meanness as a compliment.

Even worse, you're at that age when you can detect that "He likes you" means something different here, even if you're not quite sure what. There's an implicit idea -- perhaps in part because you don't understand -- that it's a special condition of feeling. As such, it entitles its "feeler" to a whole different criteria for good and bad behavior.

Mom is trying to prepare you for something she knows you won't understand, that soon boys are going to start acting strangely, that you're about to spend the rest of your life misinterpreting each others' motives. But "He's mean because he likes you" is such a tragic and bizarre introduction to the idea. It's like having your driving instructor begin the first lesson with "Remember, sometimes pedestrians scream because they're happy!"

Even if it seems harmless on the playground, wait until high school, the workplace, cohabiting relationships, and marriage, hoo boy. He's calling every three minutes because he loves me. He hits me because I drive him to it, his passion overflowing as violence. Even if it's true that the boy on the playground acts badly because he has a crush and this is his weird preteen way of processing it, that doesn't need any reinforcing.

"Why don't you have the party here? I'll pick up some snacks!"

You're somewhere between 13 and 18 and you are going to have A Party. It's been weeks in the planning stages. Someone's big sister has been coerced into doing the booze run. Someone's parents have been stupid enough to OK a get-together and leave their house at your collective mercy. The stars have aligned, the fates are in your favor, and this is the most excited you've probably ever been. A whole evening of unsupervised, uncomfortable, elated nonsense!

The prospect has practically had your teeth chattering. What do you wear? He'll be there. Which song will be playing when your sparkly hair clips convince him to kiss you instead of Charlotte? What is the right ratio of soda to vodka?

Of course, hearing your mom's cheerful "Why don't you have the party here?" is nothing compared to the obviously life-ruining "You're going to that party over my dead body" or even "Be home by 11." But therein lies its stealthy power. You could justify a teenage tantrum over your attendance being vetoed altogether, or even a curfew, but how to rebuff the thinly veiled bid to oversee proceedings disguised as an innocent offer to host? You are suddenly playing a subtle, deadly game.

How to articulate that any amount of meddling would crash the imaginary ecosystem of this social event, where everyone likes your shoes and laughs at your jokes? Or that you're both too old andtoo young for the kind of party where snacks play even a supporting role? How to refuse categorically without letting on that homey safety is kryptonite to a Successful Evening? You wriggle quickly and smilingly away. "Oh, Lila's parents will be home. They've already taken care of everything." Now you can only pray that she doesn't call to verify this.

"I'll leave you lovebirds to it!"

This one is said when a young girl is about to be left alone with a young boy, regardless of relationship or circumstances. Maybe he's the weird son of Mom's friend from work. No! Don't leave us to it! He breathes through his mouth!

At that age, it seems incredible that she can't pick up on how much you don't want this to happen. The intensity with which adolescent feelings are felt (I've never hated anyone as much as I hated my math teacher) would lead you to believe that they can be felt by anyone in their orbit. A teenager in love is one thing, and should be as legible as Times New Roman to anyone paying attention. A teenager seething with disgust, though, is strong as a poltergeist. How can she not know?

So while you can't believe that your mother would think you're enjoying the way her boyfriend's nephew is eyeballing your braces, she's only thinking of you when she suggests the two of you take a joint trip to the corner shop. You walk as far away from him as the pavement will permit. You shudder when the heavy breathing intensifies after bumping into each other, fumbling by the till. This will happen again and again. "Oh, here's the offspring of my roommate from college. When's the wedding, amirite?" How to break it to her that you're more interested in his sister?

"You know you can always talk to me about your sex life! I remember when your father and I first got together ..."

This invitation to spill your beans probably crops up before you even have any to spill. Sure, there's a whiff of something. Maybe she's caught you gazing at a classmate at school pickup. Maybe you tell too many stories about Amy's brother when you come back from her house. "Amy's brother doesn't listen to that band." "Amy's brother said he liked my jeans." "Amy's brother, Amy's brother, Amy's brother Amy's- brother, Amy's brother."

Anyway, someone told your mother that it's important to be open about these things. She wouldn't want you to develop a complex, would she? What better way to ease your discomfort than "I remember when your father and I first got together." WELL I REMEMBER WHEN I DIDN'T HAVE TO PICTURE MY PARENTS HAVING SEX.

"You can always talk to me about your sex life" just serves to highlight your lack of one, which is especially bruising when sex is all you think about -- tinging the corners of your heavy-breathing dreams, chronically manifest in your peripheral vision, but just out of reach. Knowing too much about it will recontextualize innocent fantasy into something scary and dirty. Hey, you've seen people making out in films. That lingerie ad. Then there was that video clip Paul sent round the class. You got through 12 seconds before switching it off like a scary movie.

Of course, these scraps and gaps have generated so many questions that it's hard to know where to start. And your mother would be more than happy to explain "why people make those noises" and that no, you don't "stand on your head to stop getting pregnant." But you will refuse these invaluable pointers. The final nail in your pre-adolescent coffin would be to hear that your parents were at it more than you are (not hard, but still unfair). Sex isn't sex yet, but what it is belongs to people your age -- fumbling, yearning, et al.

You'll get over this, but it's a hard pill to swallow that is offered A) when it is most crucially needed and B) when you couldn't be less receptive to it. Give it ten years, and you'll be calling her after every bad date.

"Are you sure you're happy? By the time I was your age ..."

You're cleaning up together -- look how responsible you are! -- after a family dinner. Back in the home you grew up in, and moved out of, just for the evening, or maybe the weekend. Either way, this is you as a proto-adult: feckless as ever, but somehow funding a life beyond the cocoon. Conversations like this are sprung when handwork is available. You don't have to look at each other, there's a time limit imposed by the activity, and silences can be filled with industrious scrubbing, etc. Variations include "How's the novel coming along?" and "Why don't you call Childhood-Friend-With-Whom-Your-Relationship-Ruptured-Very-Painfully-Somewhere-Along-The-Way?"

"Are you happy?" is the killer, though. Amidst a lifetime (or at least an adolescence) of cringing every time your poor mother tries to join in or make your life easier, this is the splinter beneath a thin nail built from half-truths and self-trickery. The end of that WMD of sentences is some version of "by the time I was your age, I had you and your sister," "I'd met your father," or "I'd already started working at [place she'll be working at until retirement]."

She asks because she worries about you, but that just means that managing her worries is another thing you've failed at. Answering in a way that will ease her fears isn't easy when the truth is you're not single out of some concerted effort to make peace with yourself before launching into a relationship, or renting because you "like the flexibility." That you are, in reality, lonely and poor.

On the one hand, maybe Mom doesn't know what a digital marketing account manager is. On the other hand, maybe that is not a job anyone sensible wants in any sincere way. Maybe she just doesn't recognize how, even though your boyfriend is always hungover at family lunch and doesn't pick up when you call on a long weekend, he's actually really artistic and authentically himself. Maybe your latest diet looks like an eating disorder, your latest phase a personal crisis -- and then again, maybe it is. God, Mom, you've sent me down a spiral! "I'm doing fine!" you'll say. And some day, you'll probably get that same answer from your own kid.

ladies, thoughts?

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victorluvsalice · 4 years

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Forgotten Vows Friday: Favorite Moments, Part I

All right folks -- it's the end of the year, a time for looking back at all that's come before. And since I don't have a current Forgotten Vows Verse story going, I figured -- why don’t I take a look back at the series as it is and pick out some of my own personal favorite moments? :)

Quickly discovered that I was going to have to put some serious limits on myself if I didn’t want to just start quoting randomly every other sentence that I liked. XD I mean, I’m spreading this thing out over the entire month, but still! So, with that in mind, let’s start with a handful of my favorite moments from early in the series:

1. Losing You, Chapter 5: Discovery -- the description of Victor’s experiences with Dr. Wright, Dr. Carcer, and Dr. Sturmkeng -- What can I say, I like a bit of Victor torture. XD A little more seriously, it was fun to write these guys as a contrast to the somewhat-more-competent Dr. Wilson of the chapter before, especially when I got to incorporate some Victorian ideas on how to cure mental illness. Not to mention I love Victor's reaction when Sturmkeng tells him what his amazing electric hat can do -- namely, yank it off and barricade himself in his room until the guy leaves. XD

2. Losing You, Chapter 5: Discovery & Chapter 8: Off On A New Adventure -- the ending lines of each ("Our daughter is already married" and "Dr. Angus Bumby") -- I know the impact is lessened by the story being part of a series, and by my own inability to keep my mouth shut about the stuff I write while I'm writing it, but I still think those two serve as pretty decent "wham lines" if you're coming into this story, and the Forgotten Vows Verse as a whole, blind.

3. Finding You, Chapter 8: Who You Gonna Call -- Victor getting Alice the cake, then scolding the Boojum threatening her, making her laugh for the first time in years -- Yeah, had to pick out one of the earliest truly "Valice" moments. I love how this marks a big turning point in their relationship -- Victor and Alice might have been getting on pretty well up to this point (er, after the initial roadbump of Alice’s bad first reaction to hearing about the Land of the Dead), but this is definitely the moment where they both fully consider each other a friend. And it shows off very well something that will become a theme for Victor in this story -- supporting Alice against both the world and Wonderland, regardless the cost to himself. He doesn't give a shit if he looks like an idiot talking to nothing -- it made Alice feel better, and that's what's important to him. :) Plus it's just a sweet and funny moment on its own that at least two fan artists found as amusing as I did. XD

4. Finding You, Chapter 10: Save Me From The Dark -- Alice hugging Victor to bring him out of his panic attack post Bumby -- Another pivotal moment in their relationship, with Alice overcoming her own antipathy toward touch to comfort Victor. . .and later in the chapter, discovering she doesn't mind Victor touching her, since he is her friend and she actually trusts him. Breaking down some of the barriers she's put up to keep people out without her even really noticing. :p And I think I did a good job of describing Victor's panic over being forced into reliving one of his worst fears, and Alice's horror at his state. Poor kiddos. . .

5. Finding You, Chapter 11: Unpleasant Pre-Birthday Surprises & Chapter 12: Better Than A Pet -- Alice getting her art skills back long enough to draw Victor a picture for his birthday, and Victor's reaction being to let her in on his piano playing -- If I'm picking things from two separate chapters for "Losing You," I can do the same for this fic! And yeah, I can't really untangle Alice negotiating her art skills back from Leader for a day from Victor's reaction to the picture. I like Alice's argument to Leader in the wake of losing her money to Witless again -- that she needs to do this for Victor, after all he's done for her (especially after the famous 'steam wings' Alice picture). And Victor being blown away by her giving him a present that she knows would mean so much to him, and realizing that he feels comfortable letting her hear his music, which he's normally so private about. . .yeah, it's another nice step on the path to them becoming the couple we all know and love so much. :)

6. Finding You, Chapter 18: You Are My Sunshine -- Victor realizing he's in love with Alice -- Specifically, the paragraph where he goes all melty over her smile. It's just so fluffy and romantic~ Well, up to the point where he realizes that this reminds him of how he felt about Victoria and Emily, and suddenly he's slamming the door on his feelings. That part I don't like so much. ^^;

7. Finding You, Chapter 19: Dinghys And Dodos -- Victor and Alice's dance to the music box -- . . .You guys know that I'm a sucker for Victor and Alice dancing together; I wasn't supposed to pick this as a favorite moment?? But yeah, it's the first truly romantic moment they have, and yes, Victor was totally going to forget himself and lean in for the kiss had Bumby not interrupted. It just gives me the warm fuzzies -- what more do you want in a favorite moment?

*looks at above* Yeah, this is me gushing over my fic with limits. XD Well, hopefully you guys like these moments as much as I do! Look out for more as the month goes on!

#forgotten vows friday #favorite moments #popped into my head one day #figured it would make a good end-of-the-month thing #it was kind of fun to revisit these moments in my fic #remind myself of them #yay I really do write good!#and these aren't even my FAVORITE favorites #yes I have those shaddup #I'm sure you guys can guess a few #but you'll have to wait a bit to see if you're right :p #queued

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honeylikewords · 5 years

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Gimme your thoughts about Us, I’m still dumb af - You know who it be

I’m putting off an essay to write this but let’s ROCK and ROLL, BABY!

So, spoilers below the cut, just as a warning for anyone who still wants to see Us (2019), dir. Jordan Peele. If you’re unable to see the movie for whatever reason, you can feel free to read this and garner some ideas from it, but I still suggest seeing the film, in the end. A lot of this won’t make sense unless you’ve seen Us!

I normally don’t go out for too much horror, but I do think the Jordan Peele movies are legitimately great works of art, and very culturally relevant, so if you want to be supportive of black artists, black art, and the vocalization of the black experience, I highly suggest going to see these movies or watching them at home.

They’re not actually overly violent or exploitative, and understanding that the violence in the films is meant to be metaphorical for the systemic violence perpetrated against oppressed groups helps to contextualize the stuff you do end up seeing. So, without further ado, let’s get into some Thoughts about some Cinema.

So, first of all, I have to say that I haven’t stopped thinking about this movie since I saw it at, like, 5:30 pm on Sunday. It’s been on my mind non-stop, and I’ve been fixated on the soundtrack, particularly “Anthem” and “Pas de Deux”, along with the “Tethered Remix” of “I Got Five On It”. I love the intentionally jarring combination of sounds, and how “Anthem” is directly reflective of the idea of the “U.S. Anthem”. “Us Anthem”.

Jordan himself has been very open about the fact that the title Us is meant to also represent “U.S.”, and when Red is asked “what she is” and she rasps out “We’re Americans” it just... stuck with me.

The nonsense-singing of “Anthem”, too, fixates me, since the scorer for the film has talked about how it’s the “voices of the Tethered”, and how they’re “angry” and “ready to get free”. We know that the Tethered cannot speak, which is a major and interesting facet of their life, to me, since they’re never given “a voice” beyond this kind of animal screaming and groaning.

It’s what makes a lot of viewers see them as “sub-human”, but always gets to my heart and makes me think about the fact that they are so very keenly human. It makes me think about the repression of “lesser” languages, native languages, “non-verbal” languages. The Tethered DO have a means of communication-- clicks and rasps, cries and screams-- which definitely do pull at the human fear of “unnatural” noises, but also remind me of native languages that utilize clicks or throat sounds often not found in English.

The Tethered are deeply, intimately human. While it is mentioned by Red that two bodies cannot share the one soul, that doesn’t mean to me that the other is soulless. I really don’t think that about the Tethered. I think that they are their own people, and that their rising proves that. They’re not hollow machines that just mimic their “original” on the surface, but are just people with their own souls, people who have been wrongly oppressed and mistreated.

Us is openly a discussion about the way we, as people and as Americans, treat “others”. Whether that means the racial other, the cultural other, the class other, the gendered other, or anything other system we try to dichotomize, binarize, or diametrically oppose to something else, it’s very definitely about the ways we abuse and mistreat people in order to systemically oppress them and gain from that.

Adelaide represents this interesting kind of class-traitor, in a way, because she rises “above the others”, both literally and figuratively, and instead of making an effort to free those around her, she just rises to the top and forgets where she came from. Whether that’s about assimilating into white culture and “rejecting” the culture one came from (joining in the oppression of your own people by claiming to ‘not be one of those kinds’) or about rising to a wealthy position and oppressing the poor, forgetting what it was like to be poor one’s self, or about any number of other things, that’s up for interpretation. But the issue is still there.

Jordan intentionally left the specific meaning of the film open so that every viewer would be forced to engage with it personally. Who do you, personally, help to betray? Who do you, personally, help to oppress? Whose suffering do you, personally, benefit from? You’re forced to grapple with that, and forced to acknowledge the reality that every single one of us is part of the issue. You only climb higher by putting someone below you, and this movie forces you to recognize that.

I’ve heard people complaining that Us isn’t as good as Get Out specifically because it’s more open-ended, but I think that’s what makes both films fantastic and beautiful. Get Out brazenly exposes the direct experience of everyday black horror, and is completely open about it. It’s a one-to-one analogy. But Us is for everyone, making you wrestle with yourself. You are your own Tethered. You are the good and the bad of yourself. And neither one is fully good and neither one is fully bad. Get Out was a master-class in analogy, but Us is more of a metaphor; it doesn’t need to have everything laid out. Its horror and its beauty lay inside of its intentional cloudiness.

I’m really obsessed with the rabbit imagery, too. I love bunnies, and seeing them become symbolic of this horror really was an interesting take. Jordan himself has expressed being uncomfortable with and scared of rabbits, specifically because he can see that they’re “soulless” inside; he says that if you took the brain of a rabbit and put it in a person, you’d get Michael Myers. Totally void, just ready to hurt. And I think that’s an interesting take on them. He also points out that the image of rabbit ears, the shape of their head, mirrors the shape of the scissors that the Tethereds use.

I also love the way that rabbits are largely docile little creatures, but can bite pretty hard if provoked, and I feel that’s a good way to look at the Tethered. I don’t see them as inherently evil or violent, just pushed beyond their own limitations. They did what we all did as Americans: they led a violent uprising against their oppressors, then ‘peacefully’ took their place, all the way across America. They are us, for better, for worse.

The choice to use the 80′s references really often also caught my attention; Jordan talks about how the 80′s nostalgia is this double-edged sword, since everyone is longing to go back, but not realizing the costs and weights of that, the evil lurking under the placidity and “wholesome American image” that the 80′s sought to project.

The all-American, apple pie, small-town fun and games of the 80′s also came with the Reagan administration, the AIDs crisis, the war on drugs, a massive rift between the rich and the poor (with a steadily more wealthy middle class expanding from just middle class into rich, upper middle class individuals and extremely poor lower middle class), and “sublimated racism”. We pretended, as a nation, that we were now post-racial, but that was such, such, such a huge lie.

So setting the memory scenes in the 80′s, using 80′s film references, 80′s imagery, 80′s sound-a-likes, the Michael Jackson stuff: it all points to the duality of what we love, what we are nostalgic for. Michael was a hero of the 80′s, but now...

Speaking of Michael Jackson, notice carefully the costuming of the Tethereds. Red jumpsuit, single glove, ‘the monster is not what it seems’, the “Thriller” t-shirt... why, Jordan, one might think that you made the Tethereds look like Michael in “Thriller”!

Which he obviously did, guh-doy.

I mean, the glove/sharp symbol also is an homage to good ol’ shithead Freddy Krueger, too, but it’s definitely a potent nod to Michael Jackson. We know that Adelaide (now Red) had seen the “Thriller” video as a child, and that she wanted the shirt with him on it, so the image of the Tethered is this combination between the Hands Across America symbols and the Michael Jackson look in “Thriller”. Adelaide (now Red) never forgot.

Also, god, Hands Across America? Talk about 80′s false optimism! It’s incredible how potent that image is for the issue being discussed. For those of you who don’t know, Hands Across America was an initiative in the 80′s to help end hunger and homelessness in America. The idea was that every person in America would join hands and form a line “from sea to shining sea” across the entire lower 48 continental states, and for each person in line, $10 dollars would be donated to the cause.

The event, of course, failed in many ways. First, there’s no POSSIBLE way for people to join hands across the whole continent; the terrain of the US makes it entirely impossible. Plus, the time necessary to conduct that would be incredibly exhausting for people standing in line! But what’s worse? The project did successfully raise ~$34 million, but nearly $20 million of that disappeared into “event costs”: paying the celebrities that endorsed it, paying the event organizers, et cetera. Only around $15 millions made it to the homeless and hungry. While $15 mil. is no small number, that’s.... less than half of what was raised. So where did all that go? Into the pockets of the already rich. It’s such powerful symbolism, especially within the context of the film.

Oh, also, while still on the 80′s talk, the opening shot of the film features a VHS copy of the movie C.H.U.D., a movie about “sub-human underground sewer dwellers” who rose up to eat the surface humans. These “CHUDs” were one-to-one analogies for the homeless and impoverished.

I cannot get over how strong the storytelling is in Us, I just can’t. I’m obsessed with it. I cannot help but wanna talk about it all the time! It’s so GOOD and I’m so FRUSTRATED that I’m gonna cut myself off here to stop from ranting about every teeny tiny thing and every big major thing because no one will know what I’m on about, but, seriously, do yourselves a favor and go see Us.

This movie will make you have to sit down and think about whose suffering you’ve benefited from, and what you need to do within yourself to change this.

Also, before I go, I just gotta say I love, love, love the decision Jordan made about having the 1980s version of the hall of mirrors be “Native American” themed, only to have that “politically corrected” in the 2010s to be “Merlin’s Hall Of Mirrors”, which is just a facade thrown up over a still-racist, exactly the same hall of mirrors. The problem lurks within, never gone, just covered.

Also, that ties to the Kubrick connection (The Shining is a major inspiration for Jordan) and the genocide connection, so, uh, it’s deep out here, lads.

Anyway, I have opinions about movies.

#also lupita deserves an oscar for this role no joke #her 'red' voice? ogh my god... oh my god #HER M II I I I I N D !!!!#messages #long post #us spoilers #Anonymous

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kaigrt · 6 years

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Proof that Ushiten is indisputably 1000% canon

This paper aims to prove that there is no possible doubt behind the 1000% canonicity of the romantic relationship between Ushijima Wakatoshi and Tendou Satori from the manga Haikyuu!!. Our knowledge of Ushijima Wakatoshi, Tendou Satori and their relationship is wholly based on the official art and story provided by manga artist Haruichi Furudate, and therefore we will not source any fan-made work. Previous research has been limited to single instances that suggest some kind of relationship between these two, but despite considerable interest, no one as far as we know has attempted to compile an extensive list of points that, when combined, prove that a romantic relationship between them is 1000% fact.

The term ‘Ushiten’ shall henceforth be used as a shorthand notation to denote Ushijima and Tendou’s romantic relationship.

Tendou is first seen at the end of chapter 150, and named in chapter 151 page 2 (one page before this one). And what is the first thing he does? Put his hand on Ushijima’s shoulder. That’s right. He clearly wastes NO time asserting just who Ushijima belongs to.

Is that Wakatoshi’s boyfriendo laughing at his jokes? Why yes. Yes, it is.

Do I really need to say anything here? This pretty much speaks for itself.

There is no question that Tendou can't keep his hands off of Ushijima. This is like the third panel they're in together that's not an action scene, and Tendou is feeling Ushijima up in two out of the three. These pages are radiating with sexual tension, I tell you.

Also, look how mindful he is of Ushijima's feelings. Most people would just be like "yaaay, I scored a bunch of points, I feel awesome.", but no. Not Tendou. He'll check in with Ushijima in between points, because he cares about Ushijima and his feelings. It's evident.

An untrained eye might overlook this, but take special note of Tendou's outstretched left arm here. Also notice that Tendou's right arm is not visible in this panel to the right of his body. This suggests that both of his arms are outstretched. Combined with that beaming smile towards his ace, the only possible conclusion is that he's going in for a hug, which solidifies my previous point of Tendou not being able to keep his hands off of Ushijima.

I mean, hello. If this is not the face of someone who is completely enamoured of his ace, then I don't know what is.

Even Coach Ukai can tell something is going on between these two. It's impossible to think about one without also thinking about the other. He can clearly only see them together.

Look at them staring lovingly into each other's eyes. Tendou with the slight head tilt too. True love. It's canon.

Ignore Shirabu here for a second, and take a moment to notice who's behind the speech bubbles. Yup. That's right. It's Tendou and Ushijima, sneaking glances at each other.

There is a chance you might be thinking “Yeah well, I guess I sorta see your point, but so far it's mostly been Tendou touching/staring at Ushijima, not so much the other way around”. Well, that's changing here. Notice Tendou prancing by the net with his long-ass model legs, and more importantly, notice that Ushijima is totally checking him out. Ya. What d'ya got to say to that?

Also keep in mind that Ushijima is more reserved with his emotions in general, so for him we have to read inbetween the lines a little more.

But Tendou wears his emotions on his sleeve and we don't have to read between the lines for him at all. He'll just yell 'em out at full volume on national TV no problem, not even thinking twice about using Ushijima's first name without suffix. And nobody bats an eye, so apparently Tendou calling Ushijima 'miracle boy' is business as usual as well, and that's just his go-to nickname for his lover. Tendou hasn't called any of his other teammates 'miracle boy', and neither have any others called Ushijima 'miracle boy', so it's unquestionable that this is something special between the two of them.

Imagine this panel was just a bit taller. More specifically, imagine where Tendou and Ushijima's hands are reaching. Exactly. You're seeing what you think you're seeing. There's no bend at Ushijima's elbow, meaning that his arm continues reaching to the right. Tendou is clearly leaning to the left and extending his arm that way. The only possible conclusion is that they're reaching for each other's hands. This hypothesis is supported by the expressions on their faces. Yes, their faces tell all.

Ushijima looks frustrated about losing the set, as if he's blaming himself, thinking about what he could have done differently. Tendou has a softer expression on his face. As if he wants to comfort Ushijima. As if he just wants to tell him “it's okay, we'll get the next set”. That's why he's reaching for his boyfriend's hand, to give him a soft squeeze while Washijou is yelling at them.

Oh Ushijima. You poor, innocent and oblivious child. Don't you know? When someone tells you how scary the horror movie they watched is, it means they want you to hold them during said movie. And the talk about cute actresses? Please. Tendou, you sly fox, you. It's the perfect excuse. It's a classic high school boy excuse to watch a movie with your best friend who you secretly have a crush on while also making yourself seem straight. Especially if you actually really just want to watch a horror movie to claim you're scared so you can cuddle up to said friend. But it's not gay because we're watching a movie with a cute actress. Or is it? Well, at that point you can gauge said friend's reaction, and make an educated guess on how open they would be to any advances. It's genius.

Oh, why didn't I come up with this in my teens? OH WAIT. WHAT’S THAT? I DID. THAT’S HOW I KNOW WHAT YOU’RE DOING, TENDOU. DON’T THINK YOU CAN HIDE YOUR TRUE INTENTIONS FROM ME.

I cropped up a few panels on this page and compiled them into one image, because there's a lot going on here. I just wanna point out how enthusiastic Tendou is when he's talking to Ushijima. How interested he is in his background and motivations. His speech bubbles are all bubbly too. It's unmistakable that Tendou truly believes Ushijima is going to be a star and he has no inhibitions when it comes to telling him that. There's this instance, but there's also another one later on after the Shiratorizawa vs. Karasuno match, so I'll get back to that. In any case it means that Tendou sincerly thinks Ushijima is absolutely amazing.

Using the raws here, because this is one of the most telling scenes and I felt that both the official translation and an online scanslation kind of twisted his words. So. What's Tendou saying here? In romaji, 美しいねぇ would be “utsukushii nee”. “nee” has very little meaning, so we'll focus on “utsukushii” here, which literally translates to “beautiful”. Yes. He's calling Ushijima beautiful. In the manga. Canon. With a completely smitten expression on his face. Need I say more?

Some people might think that Tendou is only talking about Ushijima's form here. And if you're a very perceptive person, you might even say “But wait! Tendou has used that word to describe someone else before!”, and you would be partly correct. He has indeed used the word “utsukushii” to describe Kageyama's form. HOWEVER!

The difference is that with Kageyama, he's commenting on Kageyama's beautiful FORM (美しいフォーム) that's falling apart. With Ushijima, Tendou doesn't mention his form at all. We can therefore conclude that, had Tendou really only been talking about Ushijima's form, he would have said so. But he didn't, and so the only possibility is that he is calling Ushijima himself beautiful. This in turn confirms that Tendou undeniably has feelings for Ushijima that extend beyond the platonic.

Look at Tendou looking in utter amazement at his boyfriendo's great serve.

He just can't help sneaking glances at Ushijima out whenever gets the chance.

Ah, nothing as satisfying as scoring a point with a toss from your boyfriend, or by tossing to your boyfriend, am I right? Their facial expressions say it all.

Okay, hello. First of all, Ushijima is quoting Tendou. That means he definitely thinks highly of him, especially considering Tendou and Ushijima's use of language is worlds apart to begin with, so it's probably not something Ushijima would usually say.

Secondly, this might be the softest and kindest expression we've seen from Ushijima so far. So far we've really mostly seen him be stoic, not showing much emotion at all. But this, this almost looks loving. Best of all, this expression is directed towards Tendou.

And last but not least, look at Tendou flipping his shit over all this in the last panel. He's feeling A LOTTT of emotions right there, there's no denying that!

Even Ushijima is looking in amazement and clapping. Coming from him, that means something, because he's not usually someone to express enthusiasm or admiration.

Another well-known scene. Things of note here: just Tendou and Ushijima are stretching here. The other third-years? Their kouhais? Not here. This suggests that they have a closer relationship with each other than they do with the rest of the team.

Secondly, it's evident that Tendou knows Ushijima well and understands how he's feeling. What's even more interesting is that Ushijima, who is normally pretty reserved, doesn't hesitate to open up towards Tendou about his true feelings, even though they might be immature.

Then Tendou voices his admiration, complimenting his straight, and for the second time straight-up asserting that Ushijima is going to be a volleyball star in the future, with his own documentary and everything. He also says he'll be sure to watch Ushijima on TV (I checked with the raws, he really uses Ushijima's name there). From this it is indisputable that Tendou cares about Ushijima beyond just a high school friend, he's truly invested in his future and wants to see him succeed. This is the kind of support you would get from a partner moreso than from just a friend.

Tendou just barges into Ushijima's room without knocking and apparently this is fine and normal and happens all the time, because Ushijima doesn't complain or even blink. That's how close and comfortable they are with each other. And they share a copy of Shounen Jump.

C A N O N

Okay, HELLO. Just look at what is going on in this panel.

“We'll be back~”, WITH a squiggle at the end of the sentence. Was also there in the original Japanese manga, mind you. That's a suggestive tone if ever I saw one.

Finger air quotes, Tendou? Seriously, take this in for a moment; FINGER AIR QUOTES? You'll “be back”? Come on. This can really only mean one thing, guys. Let's be honest.

Tendou's face just screams “Heyyyy, we're getting it on”. Look at it. Look at that face. Zoom in or something. Seductive AF.

They're standing so close together. Also, Ushijima, where is your hand going?

What's Hayato looking at? That's right. He's looking at where Ushijima's hand is going. And look at his expression. If that isn't a face that says “oh hey, there they go again”, then I don't know what is.

If it was just one or two of the above, I could say “okay, this doesn't have to mean anything”. But combine all these things together in one panel, and it really points towards one thing and one thing only.

Look. Canon. They're not even out of sight yet and already Tendou can't keep his hands off his lover.

You would know, Tendou.

No, but seriously. Tendou knowing Ushijima's schedule, answering his questions for him, and Ushijima not minding all point towards something more going on here. Usually people who are 'just friends' don't know exactly what their friend is going to be doing when (and they usually don't answer questions for their friends either).

“But since they're both helping with the training camp, isn't it natural that Tendou would know who else is going to be there?”, you might ask. Well, Hayato is helping too, and clearly he doesn't know. So no, just because Tendou is also helping with the training camp, does not mean that he automatically knows who else is going to be there.

Tendou getting protective of his boyfriend. Really, who would notice anyone staring in an abnormal way at someone other than yourself? In most situations, people wouldn't give it a second thought. But if someone's staring weirdly at your partner... Then suddenly this scenario becomes a lot more understandable.

Tendou keeping an eye on them 'cause he wants to know what business Hinata has with his boyfriend. Just in case.

Stiiiill keeping an eye out. No one's checking Ushijima out scot-free on Tendou's watch.

I think I know why Furudate has a fondness for this particular sketch. It shows Ushijima and Tendou running off into the sunset together, hand in hand. As we have already seen countless pieces of proof of so far, Furudate also ships Ushijima and Tendou. And if the manga artist themself ships it, it's canon.

OKAY COME ONNN! There's no denying this! They're standing SO close! They're practically on top of each other! That is not an ordinary distance (or lack thereof, really) between two high school boys who are just friends. They're getting it on off-screen, no doubt.

Look at them, running off together. We know Ushijima is faster than his teammates and will leave them behind if they can't keep up. But here apparently he waited for Tendou to finish his interview with Hinata, and he's slowing down enough so they can run together. Aww. ♡

No way Ushijima would do promo for anyone other than his bf.

Of course Tendou would return the favour.

Okay, hello. Does this really need an explanation? Tendou is openly proclaiming that Ushijima is #1. He's got to have strong feelings for Ushijima for him to be so vocal about it.

Look how close they're sitting together. Way closer than the others are. Tendou's elbow is totally touching Ushijima's arm. And his knee is almost touching his hand.

I also wanna point out just how consistently they're always together.

Everyone in this room is focused on the twins entering the room, except for one person: Ushijima. Ushijima is too busy checking Tendou out, to such an extent that he's completely ignoring Atsumu who's calling his name.

Furudate's dream team. Both Ushijima and Tendou are on the team. Coincidence? I think not.

Anyone who claims they're not holding hands behind their backs is LYING.

THEY EVEN HAVE A PUDDING DATE.

I mean, I know 'looking' gay isn't really a thing, but if you had to point out someone in this picture...

Look. There is even a sticker with Tendou longingly looking at his lover. Canon, I tell you.

You can tell Reon is totally accepting of their relationship and is happy for both of them.

And then Goshiki is like “WHAT? REALLY?” after Taichi tells him about it. That's why he turns his head and looks so surprised, you see.

And Shirabu is like “Jeez, you couldn't tell?”

In this study we have investigated the official Haikyuu!! content in order to establish that Ushiten is canon. The numerous pieces of evidence from this study have shown us multiple occasions where Tendou and Ushijima, to give a few examples, complimented each other, touched each other, gave each other looks of admiration, and were attentive to one another, among other things. Taken together, these findings support the idea that their relationship involves deeper emotions than just platonic ones.

It has to be mentioned that this study is not without limitations. The most important limitation is a result of Haikyuu!! being a Shounen Manga. As a consequence, Ushijima and Tendou's relationship will never be explicitly shown in the manga, however, that does not mean it does not exist. It is for that reason that we turn to more subtle hints, reading between the lines and paying more attention to the details. Substantial insight has been gained with regard to these details, and considering the sheer amount of these findings and the undeniability of their underlying meaning, we have obtained satisfactory results proving that Ushiten is 1000% canon.

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bemundolack · 5 years

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Solidarity: a Curious Cat Response

Someone in the comments asked for the full text, so here it is:

Hey, my name’s Bemundolack. If you follow me on social media, you’ve probably noticed that I’ve been busy lately. I was at a Trans Day of Visibility even that got attacked by neo-confederates. I'm had to look for a new place to live because I got evicted. I’m trying to organize positive praxis with my comrades. It’s a busy time. But I always appreciate getting CuriousCat questions. It usually takes my mind off things and makes me reason through an answer. I have a habit of writing novel-length answers to fairly simple questions. I recently got a question that kind of feeds into what’s been happening in my life, though, so I thought I’d make a video response. -clears throat-

“I do want to learn, I just notice the ones who cry loudest for socialism are the ones who didn't do well in life. I know school doesn't mean everything, I just find it hard to feel sorry for someone who had missed their opportunity because they picked drugs and booze. For people who failed, of course socialism is beneficial to them. I legit dont mind helping those with born diseases or disabilities. But I feel very iffy giving money to druggies. I'm not saying drug addicts dont deserve help, but iono, they seem lower on the order of people who need help.”

Let's examine some of the assumptions under this question. Whenever you ask something like this, you’re basing it on a set of premises that build a world-view. In this case, I think the asker has some bad premises. If people “pick drugs and booze” instead of choosing to be successful, then they should not have the same material benefits that people who choose success should have. That’s the first underlying logical thread that I see.

So let's first look at why people "pick drugs and booze." One of the primary reasons people abuse drugs is a form of self-medication. People who don't have access to healthcare, especially mental healthcare, may turn to alcohol and opiates to treat various health problems. If a therapist is $200 per session and alcohol is $1.50 for a 40oz, the path of least resistance when you're feeling suicidal is obvious. That's where people's first drink comes from. And a culture where that is the path of least resistance for everyone creates peer pressure to participate in alcohol consumption. Addiction and trauma tend to be intergenerational, especially in families with a background of intergenerational poverty. Alcohol is more heavily advertised in poor, black, brown, and immigrant communities. Those communities tend to be poorer because of a history of things like redlining, rent discrimination, Jim Crow/segregation, gentrification, and mass migration caused by US imperialism. Everyone who is born is born at the raw edge of a set of material conditions with a history of how they arose, and a limited scope for the continuation of that path based on current material conditions, whether that's good or bad. People don't usually start opiates with IV drug use, they usually start because they were overprescribed opiates, or because they were normally prescribed opiates but have a family history of addiction that may be genetically linked, or because they were born in the circumstances described above and were pressured to accelerate their addictive behavior because of sheer cultural momentum. People don't wake up in the morning and say, "Damn, I currently have all my needs met, but I would like to be dependent on a substance and jeopardize my position on the hierarchy of needs." People usually become addicted out of an effort to meet some unmet need.

Even rich people. Even capitalists. Marx's theory of alienation talks about how the working class is fundamentally alienated from our labor, each other, and ourselves. But that must be doubly so for the capitalist class, in some ways. If your needs are met via the exploitation of other people's labor, that is fundamentally alienating. The working class is alienated by the mode of production, the capitalist class are the agents of the mode of production. If you work is managing other people’s labor, then your work is to alienate yourself. I think that's why rich people suffer from addiction, too, and why they all turn out to be artists when they recover (because they can afford to recover because they have health insurance and can go to rehab, poor people just die). Art is (usually) labor that fundamentally serves no one other than the artist, and then secondarily serves their audience. It's labor that we're not alienated from, and it connects us to other people.

This video by Innuendo Studios illustrates the inherent problem with this question: hierarchy. Hierarchy clip

So far, my answer to “If people choose drugs over success, they shouldn’t have the same things as successful people” has been “People don’t choose drugs in the way that you’re thinking, there’s an element of economic coercion and social momentum.” But there’s another thing that I would like to point out: prioritizing the needs of the “deserving” over the needs of addicts or the “undeserving” is an unjustified hierarchy when scarcity is manufactured for profit. We have enough food, shelter, clothing, and other things to meet the basic needs of everyone, at least where I live. We have such a surplus that food gets thrown away, the dumpsters locked and monitored with cameras so that hungry people can’t access their basic needs for free. Houses remain empty as investor properties, helping to raise the rents around them and make money for people who already have incredible amounts of money, while people sleep on the street and get rounded up by cops just for existing in public. We currently, right now, prioritize the greed of people whose needs are met to an excess that we can never dream of over people who are starving and dying of exposure.

Socialism is NOT about giving people money. Socialism, at least the type that I’m a proponent of, is about eliminating money as a system for distributing resources. It’s about changing the nature of work so that our work affects our material conditions directly instead of giving us a wage to pay for our material needs. It’s about abolishing the system that causes people to live in luxury while others starve.

I don’t want to place myself above anyone else on a hierarchy. I want there to not be a hierarchy. The idea isn’t to make the owners and bosses into underlings, and turn the underlings into bosses and owners. It’s to get rid of the ideas of bosses, underlings, and owners. We don’t need people to occupy those roles to have a functional life together as humans. Our hierarchical systems are inefficient, cruel, wasteful, and unnecessary. And if you feel like you need police to tell you not to murder people, and you need a boss to tell you to do something with your time that meets your needs, and you need a landlord to allow you to live in your home, then... Maybe you’ve got some internal soul searching to do.

The people that attacked us on TDoV and the type of person who would send me this message would probably both say that they value freedom, but how can you have freedom when you’re constrained by a rigid hierarchy? When you’re alienated from those around you because you’re dead scared of them rising above you, or because you’ve got to do everything you can to rise above them? Are you free when even the idea of real liberation makes you cling fearfully to the bars of your cage?

Specifically referring to the Curious Cat question, we should give alcoholics and addicts what they need because the liberation of others around us is a vehicle for our own liberation. You’re not expected to break yourself out of the hierarchy single-handedly. Anything you can do to meet people’s needs when they don’t “deserve” it is subversive to the hierarchy. It connects you to other people in a way that allows you to work together to free each other. We call that solidarity.

We need to have solidarity with people who are addicted to drugs and alcohol because we are all in the working class. The vast majority of us will never be capitalists; that is, people who own private property, the means of production, or a significant amount of wealth. We need to have solidarity with people who are addicted or homeless or living in poverty because that could be most of us in just a short amount of time if something went wrong. A mentality that says, “Well, I’ve got everything I need, why should I care about others?” isn’t just cruel, it puts you at risk. If you’re willing to sacrifice someone else’s wellbeing for your comfort, then your wellbeing is subject to forfeit as well.

Capitalists don’t care about you. Capitalists care about themselves and their profit and their property. If you want them to care about you, you have to threaten one of those things, and we are no threat to capitalism as isolated individuals. Solidarity is power. Solidarity is liberation. Solidarity is life. We need each other, because alone, we are powerless. Alienation is death.

If you’ve watched this entire video, thank you very much. I know this was short, but now I’m a little more stable, so I should be able to put out more content. If you wanna follow me elsewhere on the internet, I’m on Twitter, Facebook, and Curious Cat @ Bemundolack. If you’d like to support me, you can like this video, subscribe to my channel, and consider supporting me on either ko-fi at ko-fi.com/bemundolack or on patreon at patreon.com/bemundolack. I really have to thank my patrons this time around. I’ve been in a very precarious financial situation, and I couldn’t have made it through without you. Your support actually does mean a lot to me. Special thanks to the following patrons:

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bi-rezi · 5 years

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that’s the thing about that beauty guru instagram baddie makeup, it really doesn’t look good in any scenario besides an instagram photo with carefully chosen angles, and sometimes it looks alright in youtube videos with very precise lighting. if you go outside or change lighting or if aomeone looks at your face who is shorter or taller than the angle you set your camera at or from any angle other than the one you photograph yourself from, it doesn’t look good anymore.

contouring is trying to create an optical illusion, and like many optical illusions that exist in three-dimensional space (for instance, faces, those rooms that make you look big on one end and small on the other, etc) it relies on being viewed from one specific perspective. and since contouring also relies on shadows to create its illusion, it also begins to look flawed in lighting that isn’t the same as the lights the mua used when applying the makeup like, for instance, direct sunlight or a camera flash. and that’s how you end up with such strange-looking pictures when they look so manufacturedly perfect on instagram. suddenly the contouring is orange and too dark and stands out like sharp lines, and their foundation reflects the camera flash and appears too light, and their matte lipsticks do the opposite and appear shockingly dark. the eyeshadow is washed out, the thick triangular brows seem to dominate the face, and the cumulative effect really looks exactly like the classic little green man, except with big fat lip injections.

and highlighter is full disclosure my least favorite part - from the correct angle it’s like shiny i guess but from angles where the light doesn’t hit it quite right you can see the makeup itself, and it can be a bad color sometimes or too dark. i also hate wearing highlighter because it makes my pores look even bigger than they are and emphasizes the poor texture of my skin thanks to years of steroidal (and puberty-related) acne.

and this type of makeup also just doesn’t look good on every face! i have wayyy too much fat in my cheeks and neck to be able to realistically carve out cheekbones or a jawline, my brows simply don’t follow the sharp angle of the thick triangular brows that have been so trendy, and my eyes are too downturned (i think that’s the word for my eyeshape?) to properly flick my eyeliner. and i also just don’t like wearing nude lipsticks that much - i don’t hate them or anything, but i think pink or red or something fun like purple or even green is just more interesting.

don’t even get me started on the fake tans. they always look so bad and i just cannot imagine the appeal (besides the trend of trying to make yourself look more ethnically ambiguous to gain woke points or whatever - you’re white. maybe just actually listen to and support the artists of color around you). glam and gore used to be one of my favorite beauty youtubers, and a few years ago she made a whole video on what people who are too pale for most foundation/concealer (like me) can do and tips to look better and the ultimate advice to embrace your skin as it is and in the end you should wear makeup that makes you feel good. now she constantly wears fake tanner and posts clickbait-y videos of herself doing makeup in odd places and blurring out the thumbnails. she used to actually post, like, tutorials, and i liked them a lot (especially the sfx ones) because they were very accessible even if your materials and funds are limited. it’s not just about the fake tanner thing? but it’s a general decline that’s definitely not unique to her.

#long post #txt

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hilunawrites · 6 years

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25 Lessons on my 25th Birthday --Part 2

Thank you so much for all the love and reblogs of Part 1— ”25 Lessons on my 25th Birthday!” I’m glad my lessons could help some of you, and I hope you get as much out of Part 2 as the last. For these next ten, if one or more of the lessons resonate with you, please reblog and let me know which ones! You can find Part 1 here. Now let’s jump into it:

11.) Don’t blindly accept rules and boundaries “set” by society.

Society has a lot to say about how we “should” live our lives: the “correct” path in life to follow and in what order, “good” career choices versus “poor” ones, “normal” relationship practices…the list goes on and on.

Each of us is on our own path in life. These societal rules and boundaries don’t take into consideration that we all start from different points, have different priorities and belief systems, and, frankly, don’t deserve to be limited to such an extent during our time here on Earth! If you want to have a baby first and go to school later, become an artist, or have a polyamorous relationship—YOU DO YOU. Your internal guiding system is infinitely more important. You are no less than those that choose to abide by societal expectations.

12.) Don’t forget where you came from.

I know not everyone comes from a happy place or a happy family. Maybe you were over-the-moon ecstatic when you could finally get the hell out. My family and I have a strained relationship, and I’m happy to have some distance from them. My hometown on the other hand? I miss it desperately. When I left, a hole in me formed that won’t ever be completely healed.

Either way, whether you love or hate where you come from—it’s helped shape who you are today. You’ve learned invaluable lessons during your childhood and as a teenager about yourself, your beliefs, your likes/dislikes, and your passions. Where you come from has shaped you in huge and subtle ways, and you are here, exactly how you are in this present moment, because of your past. And with some reflection, you can learn a lot from that and continue on your way into the future.

13.) Communicate.

A little obvious this one, but an indispensable lesson nonetheless. NEVER. STOP. COMMUNICATING. And I mean clear, direct, honest, and open communication. If you just say what you mean without beating around the bush or teetering towards passive-aggression, you will sustain solid relationships with others, based on mutual trust and respect.

Also, don’t expect anyone to be able to read your mind! This is one of the most unfair and egocentric things we expect from other people. No one else is in your head with you--don’t assume people will know why you feel a certain way or what you want/need them to do! Spell it out for them. For example, “I need you to show your love for me more, and this is how… ” So much hurt and frustration could be avoided if every human practiced effective communication.

14.) Decorate your home.

I’ve noticed several times throughout my life that I never truly feel at home unless I decorate it. I would switch bedrooms as a kid or move to new apartments and postpone decorating my new space for months or even years! A big mistake. It was only after I finally put up my posters, pictures, quotes, cards, and art pieces from friends that I truly felt at HOME. I feel euphoric as I look around and take in MY space. It welcomes me, it welcomes others, and I feel like I’m claiming my little corner of the world, marking it as my own. In a way, it makes me feel a little powerful, being able to express myself however I wish in my home decorations.

15.) Don’t call them “guilty pleasures.”

We all have that one thing (or several things!) we think we “shouldn’t” enjoy—usually because it’s unpopular or criticized by the majority of people or our closest friends. As a way of fitting in, we deny ourselves the opportunity to indulge openly and unabashedly in our “guilty pleasures.” How sad is this? We’re only on this Earth for a limited amount of time, why not enjoy the things we enjoy? Don’t waste time worrying about what others will think of you listening to that One Direction album for the umpteenth time—relish every second you spend partaking in that activity! It will feel so much better than the alternative, trust me. Just take solace in the fact that everyone has pleasures that could be criticized by others—so let’s just like what we like and get off each other’s backs!

16.) It’s okay to cut people off.

You are under no obligation to keep toxic people in your life. Whether these people are strangers, acquaintances, friends, or family—you have the right to fill your life with people who lift you up, not tear you down. Whether that means you set healthy boundaries with problematic people or drop them completely, be sure to make the right choice for YOU. The choice that makes YOU feel free and safe. Take care of yourself first, before you worry about how your choices affect others.

And when it comes to family, you do not have to love someone simply because you share blood with them. Sometimes they honest to God do not deserve to have someone as spectacular as you in their life. Find your chosen family and lean into them. They will support you.

17.) You don’t have to win every argument.

I have a terrible habit of trying to use logic in order to “win” every argument. I rationalize, I explain, I call out the other person on inconsistencies or hypocrisy. If I can destroy all the holes on their side, and sew mine up nice and pretty they won’t be able to deny that I’m right and they’re wrong. Then they’ll apologize and we’ll move on—right? Wrong.

In the end, “winning” doesn’t feel as good as I think it will. The other person is still upset, frustrated, and fed up with me. We move on, sure…but have we actually gained anything from our disagreement except more grief?

I’m trying my hardest to listen more and speak less when I’m having an argument. If we are all willing to self-reflect and validate the other’s feelings before jumping to the defensive, disagreements will be resolved more smoothly, quickly, and respectfully. This way we can move on without as many residual feelings of resentment.

18.) Hug and cuddle people often. And animals too.

Of course this depends on whether you’re a touchy-feely person or comfortable with animals—which I am! It’s just science: hugging someone for even 20 seconds releases oxytocin, the “love hormone,” which can do wonders for your mental and physical health. I love hugging, cuddling, kissing, all of that. It helps my lungs open up, and I can breathe better. I feel safe—like the other person is a human wall of protection.

And I could never forget my dog, Dobby. He is so soft and cuddly, I sometimes can’t resist leaning over and giving him a big squeeze. He loves to lie with me, placing his head in my lap or over my legs and letting out a deep sigh. In those moments, I can hardly take his utter adorableness!

These physical touches make me feel closely connected with the people and animals around me, and these connections spark positive emotions of happiness, safety, love, and belonging. Who couldn’t use a little more of that in their everyday life?

19.) Stand up for what’s right, even if you’re standing alone.

A scary thought right? Especially for those of us who don’t like the spotlight…

There are some things that I know are absolutely wrong (sexism, racism, homo/bi/transphobia etc.) and I am often placed in situations where I have a choice to make. Do I speak up and break the silence? Or do I let the inappropriate and unacceptable comment or action remain unchecked?

When I’m the only person who realizes what’s going on is wrong, it makes it that much harder to stand up for what’s right. I might be punished or retaliated against in some way, shape, or form. They may ignore me, criticize me for taking things too seriously or overreacting, or even ostracize me from a particular group or community.

I once worked at a place where people openly made racist comments and were willfully ignorant about their culturally appropriative actions. This was particularly concerning because my colleagues and I worked in close proximity with young children who were soaking everything up like a sponge. Long story short, I stood up for what was right, even though I was standing alone—none of my colleagues were willing to stand with me—and just a few miserable weeks later was forced to quit.

Now that sounds like a terrible story—why should we stand up if we’re just going to be shut down and punished for “speaking out of turn?” First, I planted a seed. Sometime down the line (even if it is years from now) my ex-coworkers will be forced to reflect on their teaching methods which will no doubt become outdated and unacceptable with time. Second, I got myself out of an environment I now know I couldn’t have worked in long-term. And third, I’m able to share my story and continue encouraging others to also stand up for what’s right. It’ll take time, but one person standing up will lead to two, then ten, then 100, then 1000, until widespread change takes over the whole world.

20.) That being said, don’t be afraid to step back if you need to.

If you’re not emotionally able to handle a situation you’ve gotten yourself into, it’s more than okay to step back. If you remember from Part 1, you come first. ALWAYS. If you need to take a temporary or permanent break from something, do it. Just living, let alone fighting for equality or standing up to others, takes a lot of emotional strength and courage. Self-care is imperative to your success in all areas of your life, and sometimes the best thing you can do for you is to step back and take yourself out of a situation which has become toxic or spiraled out of control. No need to feel guilty. Be selfish. I’m serious. Everything else can take a back seat while you take care of yourself. Nothing is more important than your well-being.

I hope you enjoyed lessons 11-20 today! I’ll post my final 5 lessons on July 18th, my actual birthday (O_O). Again, if any of these lessons resonated with you, please reblog and let me know which ones! I look forward to reading your thoughts.

Those of you who enjoyed Part 1, I’m tagging you here: @alinakerrin, @theouterdark, @awkward-sappho, @atgit, @crucioandcoffee, @skullszeyes, @sarcastictinydancer, @ilike-art, @fangirling4mynicoandazriel, @macemason, @brookexautumn, @whitewolf756, @ducklingxkitten, @axel-writes, @neodesta

#writeblr #writing #mywriting #amwriting #lunawritesoriginal #writing positivity #lit #advice #anxiety #depression #mental health #selflove #activism #standup #speakout #speakup

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yukipri · 7 years

Text

Random text HCs for the YOI Future!Verse ABO AU - Adults 02

Exactly as stated. Self-indulgent rambling headcanons around themes/questions on the five main charas of the YOI Future!Verse ABO AU. Most of this is generally assumed to be post living together, though not necessarily after everyone’s married.

(in other words, a text post bc did not have enough time to art it all oops)

New to the AU? Basics here, rest of the posts HERE.

Text beneath cut

Financial background/Money spending habits/Careers

No really, it sounds boring but it’s really important to having a functioning family so hear me out yeah?

Financial contributions of the adults to the family kind of go two ways here: People who bring in money from the outside, and people who do things that they otherwise would have had to spend a lot of money on, therefore saving a lot of money. Both are equally important.

Some of this info will be a bit redundant from other posts but I’ll put it here again so it’s as organized as it can get...

Yuuri - Comes from a lower middle class family that sometimes had to be careful with money (due to decreasing business in Hasetsu) and did struggle a little with Yuuri’s skating fees and sending him abroad. As a result, even though he’s never quite been poor, he’s very conscious about money and how even if you think you’re doing alright, sudden unpredictable factors out of your control can put you in a financial pinch. As someone who also grew up in an inn, he also puts immense value on doing proper house-keeping and absolutely refuses Victor’s suggestion that they hire a maid for their rather spacious house(s) (he grudgingly accepts Phichit’s cleaning assistant robots though).

He’s alright with spending a little extravagantly once in a rare while, but in general will look for bargains and other ways to save, and tries to be the voice of reason. Likes hoarding and puts a lot of sentimental value on objects and may insist on continuing to use them long after it is perhaps practical. Is a bit anxious about the kids’ futures and wants to have hefty savings so they’ll never be limited because of money. Doesn’t like when his husbands spend on things he feels are really unnecessary (especially when it happens frequently). That being said, he’s also very much a stress shopper and when his anxiety’s running high, he can spend more than even his mates (and sometimes but not always regrets it afterwards).

After retiring from professional figure skating he focuses mostly on the kids. It seemed natural, given that Yurio was entering the peak of his career and Victor needed to be at his side as his coach and Yuuri needed to recover from his pregnancy. Later, he’s technically coaching Minami full time, but given that Minami was living with him at home and also more or less spending all of his time and money on their family anyway, it gave him far more flexibility than coaching an outsider would have. After Minami retires, Yuuri continues to focus on the kids and is busy training them.

Yuuri was pretty convinced that his skating career was over the first time he became pregnant, but Phichit convinced (read: begged) him to guest in his ice show once it was started and Yuuri couldn’t turn him down. He took part in it seasonally for several years. The Nishigori triplets are also in charge of running the now annual Onsen on Ice Hasetsu Exhibition, where he’s also performed in lower stress environments, often doing ice dancing and other collaborative programs with his mates and later his kids.

Victor - Rich, and has always been rich. Has a ridiculous inheritance, considerable savings from his prime as a skater, and is also still making more than your average middle class income. Money’s not the thing he’s ever struggled with and he used to drown his loneliness in buying quality but empty-feeling material goods. Now he likes to spend a lot less on himself, but a LOT on his family. He gets that love =/= money, yet he also feels very strongly that those he cares about shouldn’t have anything but the best, and he can be pretty snobby about what he considers acceptable quality. Also feels that if it’s damaged/old, they should throw out the old and buy better new things, because again, nothing but the best.

He especially likes splurging on the kids and frequently gets into huge spats with Yuuri over buying them excessively expensive things when they’re younger because, “They’re children Victor! They don’t care if it’s plastic or swarovski crystals! And they’ll also grow out of those in a few months!” The family technically has a, “You do what you want with your own money, we try to split all the shared things/kids necessities” rule so Yuuri can’t exactly prevent Victor from buying things with his own money, but he can death glare and give him the silent shoulder for days...Money is probably the main thing Victor and Yuuri fight over given how strongly their opinions on it clash and how stubborn both can be, but usually the rest of the family can coax a resolution.

He considers his main job to be coaching his kids, but his reputation as the Living Legend has never faded, and given his success and fame with both Yuuri and Yurio, he still gets tons of requests from outside for coaching. He hasn’t accepted any full time coaching offers but occasionally teaches extremely expensive group and solo classes, often at the St. Petersburg rink when he’s in the country (where Georgi is now the main coach, having succeeded Yakov, long retired), but also at the Hasetsu Ice Castle, which he now owns. Nishigori and Yuuko are therefore technically his employees, and he pays them very generously.

Yurio - Grew up poor and heavily dependent on his grandfather and money was scarce even with the limited financial aid his mother threw their way. He considered himself a relatively money-conscious child who tried not to ask for too expensive things and preferred to just focus on working hard, but as an adult he appreciates so much more how his grandfather never left him wanting. He realizes now that paying for all of his skating training, boarding school education, and never skipping out on giving gifts and an allowance that let him buy whatever he wanted was probably a lot harder on his grandfather than he was aware of when he was younger, and possibly why his grandfather had lived so far from the city and in a pretty barren house with an old car. Yurio does his best to support his grandfather while he’s alive, although Kolya is as cheerful as ever and doesn’t seem to be particularly lacking in anything in Hasetsu, where he now lives with Yuuri’s parents, playing with the kids and taking daily soaks in the hot springs.

As a parent, he’s very much on Team Save Money with Yuuri. He agrees with Victor that buying quality things is good, and he wants the kids to have things that he never had. But at the same time, he also feels very strongly that his childhood wasn’t lacking in any way because he didn’t have anything brand-name, and if it’s all the same he’d prefer to buy used or bargain. In other words, if the kids are conscious of something and want it, sure they can buy, but if it’s just the parents’ whims wanting to buy it for them and the kids don’t care, they shouldn’t. As a figure skater with a career easily comparable to Victor’s, he could easily have supported his family even if he were the only husband, but he agrees with Yuuri that savings are important. Rarely actually starts fights over money himself but will stand solidly at Yuuri’s back as he rages at Victor.

While he was quite the money maker while an active figure skater, after retirement (which wasn’t until his mid 30s) he focuses on training the kids, specifically the one kid he decides he’s going to personally coach. He really wanted the close, personal coaching experience that he and Victor, Victor and Yuuri, and Yuuri and Minami had, and it seemed the right path for this particular child and Yurio’s experience. He also continues his side job as a model and has several clothing lines in his name, though most of those in his adulthood are much tamer than the first line he was given artistic control over in his late teens.

Phichit - Comes from a wealthy family that was able to give him expensive training and lessons in a country where figure skating is far less accessible than others. Was sent to study abroad at fancy boarding schools multiple times in his youth to both grant him better access to skating and to further his extremely advanced academic potential (as a result, he skipped grades and was a college freshman at 16 when he met Yuuri). Yet despite having always had the best of the best, he’s much more aware of money than Victor, and has also never used it as an emotional crutch like Victor either.

But at the same time, he also just genuinely loves splurging on his loved ones and has a very alarming habit of never caring about price tags. He likes buying nice brand things, but unlike Victor, he also likes buying weird, fun, and quirky things too regardless of price, all in a haphazard mish mash that makes it very hard to tell whether the gift he’s bringing home is reasonable or outrageous. He’s very much on Team Spend with Victor, but at the same time he’s empathetic to Yuuri and Yurio’s concerns and can usually spin some excuse why it’s a good idea. As such usually can avoid getting into fights with Yuuri on the same scale as Victor. If he’s around, tries to nudge Victor into choosing his words wisely, which Victor follows if he’s smart about it (he’s not always). Is usually the one to wisely point out that given the set up of their very unconventional family, they have five adults and therefore far more disposable income than most other families, plus they also have investments in multiple countries so one economic crash could never break them. Yuuri trusts him a lot more with money than Victor.

Despite Victor having the largest inheritance, Phichit’s the one actively making the most money from his multiple successful careers and it’s clear that he’ll be the richest by far in the long run. He has his super successful ice show in Bangkok and its sequel which he personally ran for years before leaving it to his successors. He also opened a skating school to give students in Thailand more opportunities to access figure skating. Outside of skating, he picked up acting while studying to create his ice show and while he doesn’t consider himself a full-time actor, he’s been in enough cult hits that he’s one of the more internationally recognizable Southeast Asian actors. Given his talent in connecting to his audience and his varied entertainment production training, he’s received a lot of requests to write and produce for platforms other than ice shows, especially in ways that showcase Thai, Southeast Asian in general, and even Asian in general talent on a more global stage, so that’s also something he dabbles in. He also accidentally and unintentionally created a social media platform which he meant to keep as a hobby/side-project, but it ended up appealing to more people than he thought and sort of blew up. He’s technically CEO but Leo and the Nishigori triplets run it more. His busy careers means that he tends to have to spend the most time away from family, and while money can’t replace his presence, it is something he can provide while across the globe. Whenever he comes back home he brings really extravagant gifts, and though Yuuri tries to stop him, he regularly drops enormous checks into Yuuri’s account “for the kids and you when I can’t be there.”

Minami - Comes from a relatively big name family with ties to the local medical industry, his parents both famous doctors, but is also the youngest son with an older brother so he doesn’t have any pressure to continue the family legacy. Had a fancy education (attended an Ivy League school in the U.S. during the 3 years between the end of canon and Yuuri’s first pregnancy) and access to the best training, but in the end he’s never been particularly ambitious outside of skating. He admits that if their family had been more conventional and he was Yuuri’s only husband, he’d have to go find a full-time job post retiring, perhaps related to skating, perhaps related to medicine which is considerably more lucrative and which he isn’t untalented in. As it is, there’s so many other adults working full time and bringing in a ton of money, so he doesn’t feel any particular guilt mostly focusing on the kids with Yuuri. He regularly goes to take specialty classes when he feels he could learn a skill or get certified in something that will be useful to their family, which is how he ends up with a teaching certificate and tutoring qualifications. While he doesn’t have a medical degree, he’s picked up a lot of things from his family and after Yuuri becomes pregnant the first time he studies prenatal care, especially the more specialized omega prenatal care pretty intensively, and arguably knows more than many general medical practitioners. While he’d never treat anything serious himself, he can provide sound advice and keeps a very close watch on Yuuri, plus they can go to his family for most things without worrying about medical fees. His knowledge and constant presence by Yuuri’s side gives the other mates tons of peace of mind.

Minami still contributes somewhat financially by occasionally tutoring people on the outside, but his primary focus is on Yuuri and the kids. Him waiving almost all medical fees is already a considerable contribution, but he also personally covers all of the kids’ academics when they’re not actively enrolled in school and can tutor them in all subjects. And that’s not even mentioning skating, he wasn’t Japan’s top skater for years and considered Yuuri’s successor for nothing. He was most of the kids’ first introductions to the ice. He also considered himself the full-time live-in babysitter long before he was officially married into the family, watching over the kids whenever he and Yuuri weren’t at the rink for his training. Yuuri and the others were so dependent on him looking after the kids that Yuuri tried to waive Minami’s coaching fees, as it seemed to him a perfectly reasonable exchange of services if not lacking on Yuuri’s part, but Minami very firmly refused. The one time Yuuri tried to refuse payment, Minami splurged extravagantly on the kids, more than Yuuri was due, so Yuuri quietly accepted the money so he could at least funnel it into useful things. Minami was smug, his point made.

Minami likes nice things well enough, but also considers himself very average and would prefer to buy ice cream over fancy brand name clothing any day, and a magazine clip out of Yuuri over any museum art piece. Given that there’s two adults on Team Save and two adults on Team Spend, when it’s a clear split and neither side is budging Minami tends to be the deal breaker. He can swing either way depending on the situation and can be trusted to always prioritize what’s best for the kids, even setting aside any personal bias to give Yuuri whatever he wants.

#YukiPri rambles #Future!Verse ABO AU #Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics #Omegaverse #polyamory #mentioned mpreg #headcanons #Victuuri #YuriYuu #PhichiYuu #MinaYuu #note that I /did/ try to do some reading but I'm definitely no expert on how skating coaching fees/career earnings work #just know that this family definitely has an excess of money #i mean what'd you expect with 5 adults #capitalism won't destroy them lol

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