#thank you past self for this conundrum
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Will David save Tom Hoyt from Cronos?
#writing#writers#notes to yourself#what do you mean??#long forgotten#writers problems#fic#fiction#i forget everything#thank you past self for this conundrum
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In the mood for...
Apr 4th
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1. Hello! ITMF multiple WWX's? Like he clones himself or if maybe time travel causes there to be multiple WWX's running around. Can be chaste or naughty, but bonus points for LWJ getting flustered having some many WWX's around! Thank you!
Wei Wuxian’s Terrible, Horrible, No Good First Meeting With His Future by Enigmatree (T, 3k, wangxian, Time Travel, Cloud Recesses, YLLZ WWX, POV Outsider)
How to Deal with the Conundrum of Your Past Self: A Case Study by anatheme (E, 16k, wangxian, A/B/O, YLLZ WWX, Established Relationship, Pining, Sexual Tension, alpha YLLZ WWX/alpha LWJ/omega MXY!WWX: the fic, ft. soft married wangxian, Threesome - M/M/M, yes LWJ gets the knot after xx years, Bottom LWJ, Switch WangXian, Knotting, time travel of sorts, a thesis on making peace with and loving yourself, Happy Ending, welcome to my LWJ has 2 hands for 2 WWX agenda)
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2. itmf fics where ljy is lxc's son! whether bio or not is fine, just looking for some scenes where lxc is like a father to ljy. tyvm!
🔒how to make your dad fall in love with your high school teacher in five steps; the complete and bulletproof guide by ravenditefairylights (T, 90k, WangXian, Modern AU, Coffee shop AU, NB LSZ, Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Angst, Genderfluid WWX, Nonbinary LSZ, Trauma, Past Abuse, Past Domestic Violence, Healing, Hurt WWX, Found Family, Hospitalization, Therapy, Single Parent WWX, Mutual Pining, Teacher LWJ, Unreliable Narrator, Teenager LSZ, Yúnmèng Siblings Dynamics, Chronic Pain, Autistic LWJ) although their relationship is not the focus of the story
3zun Raise Jingyi AU series by Deriliarch (T, 94k, 3Zun, Accidental Baby Acquisition, Canon Divergence, Fix-It, Established Relationship, Fluff, Angst, Happy Ending, Kid fic, Hurt/Comfort)
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3. Do you have idol aus? I want idol Wei Ying. A) Specifically, the idol life, can be before/during/after debut. B) Idol survival show participant wwx
3A)
Bodyguard king by 74243 (E, 8k, wangxian, F/F WangXian, Modern, Idol WWX, Bodyguard LWJ, Female NHS, Platonic D/s, Loss of Virginity, Not NOT inspired by KUWTK s05e04, When u do what u love u never work a day in ur life)
shooting straight into your heart by tangerinechar (T, 13k, wangxian, JC & WWX, Modern, Multimedia, Humor, idol WWX, cameraman LWJ, and a very Done(tm) manager JC)
Amidst the Crowd by GusuBunnie (G, 5k, wangxian, Romance, Friends to Lovers, Idol WWX, Supportive LXC, JC Needs a Hug, Background Xicheng, Angst, Fluff, Light Angst with a Happy Ending, WangXian Get a Happy Ending, Drama & Romance, LXC being the best brother, Modern, Idol/Fan AU, LWJ is Bad at Communicating)
3B)
🧡 I Don’t Want to Debut! by countingcr0ws (G, 56k, wangxian, Modern, Reality Show, Idols, Celebrity, Social Media, Epistolary, Romance, Fluff, Footnotes, Kissing, Poetry, Podfic Available)
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4. Hi , idk how to ask about fanfics properly. I am very new to Tumblr . But can you please recommend some fics on Wangxian's parent's generation. Like lan Qiren, Wei Changze, Cangse Sanren, Jiang Fengmian, etc, being teenagers @kwalitymxtxpow7
Cursed Couple by shorimochi (M, 121k, LQR/WRH, CSSR/WCZ, Time Travel, Canon Divergence, Out of Character)
The Other Mountain by nirejseki (T, 287k, LQR/WRH, Canon Divergence, Arranged Marriage, Mentions of Suicide, Hurt/Comfort, Trauma, Domestic Violence, Torture, Sadism, Asexual Character, sex-positive asexual, Past Relationship(s), An Exercise in Gender Roles, Non-Egalitarian Views on Marriage, World Domination, Pedagogical Theory, Ethics, comedy of manners, Implied Harm to Children, Mental Health Issues, Undernegotiated Kink, Canon-Typical Violence, Close POV Narrator, Donghua Imagery) i recommend "the other mountain" by nirejseki, and all her other lan qirenx wen ruohan works
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5. thank you for your hardwork admins! itmf for rich lwj who is head over heels for wwx? and i mean like he is a massive simp for wwx, worship the ground he walks on kind of way ^^
LWJ’s Big Dick Agenda Series by raitala (E, 146k, WangXian, Modern AU, College AU, Porn with Feelings, Light Dom/sub, Under-negotiated Kink, Public Blow Jobs, Anal Sex, Cock Warming, Angst, Feels, Domestic fluff, Misgendering, Slut Shaming, Crossdressing, Rimming, Roleplay) try LWJ's big dick agenda!
CEO Billionaire Lan Zhan by detention_notes (T, 2k, WangXian, Modern AU, Parody, Pining Bunnies, Wealth, Crack)
For Safekeeping Purposes by ChilianXianzi (M, 3k, wangxian, Modern, Gangsters, Crime Boss LWJ, Sugar Daddy LWJ, WWX Has Self-Esteem Issues, And LWJ's going to take care of that, thoroughly, Domestic fluff but everyone's in a crime syndicate, Found Family, Age Difference, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Canon-typical Abusive Jiangs)
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6. For INTMF could you rec some pretty heavy angst with happy and/or hopeful ending? Like Working Title: Everyone Lives (With Knives) series. @dragonfairies
Love Song In Reverse by timetoboldlygo (T, 237k, WangXian, Amnesia, Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Non-Sexual Intimacy, Falling In Love, Slow Burn, agressively mixing and matching novel and cql canon, No Homophobia, Mentions of Starvation, Parental WWX) maybe? do they want canon era stories? I have heavy angst /whump stories but they're not in the canon era
Shameless self rec because angst with happy ending is like my signature at this point.
New Perspective Series by mrcformoso (T, 35k, WangXian, Angst, Hopeful Ending, Fatherhood, Regrets, Flashbacks, POV LWJ, LWJ-centric, Canonical Character Death - WWX, Pining LWJ, LWJ Has Feelings Lán Zhàn | Lán Wàngjī Needs a Hug, Character Development, Dead WWX, Introspection, LWJ is Bad at Feelings, Character Study, Regretful, LWJ Breaking Toxic Cycles, Canon Compliant, LWJ in Seclusion, Post-LWJ in Seclusion, Child LSZ)
Window of the Waking Mind by mrcformoso (M, 8k, wangxian, LSZ & WWX, JC & WWX, Graphic depictions of violence, Major Character Death, Heavy Angst with a Happy Ending, Sad with a Happy Ending, Post-Canon, Torture, Golden Core Transfer, WWX Has Self-Esteem Issues, Hurt WWX, WWX Needs a Hug, WWX Needs a Break, Flashbacks, Curses, Night Hunts, Suicide, Starvation, Canonical Child Abuse, Canonical Character Death, Cannibalism, Although it was forced by the situation to survive, Healing, Hurt/Comfort, lots of comfort, Soft LQR, Learning To Communicate, Zidian Spiritual Tool, JC Tries, Reaction)
When the Words Stop Coming by mrcformoso (T, 7k, WangXian, Canon Compliant, POV WWX, POV LWJ, Cloud Recesses Study Arc, Pre-Sunshot Campaign, Burial Mounds Settlement Days, Canonical Character Death, Love Confessions, Rejection, LWJ is a Panicked Gay, Temporarily Unrequited Love, Trauma, WangXian Get a Happy Ending, Angst with a Happy Ending, Sad with a Happy Ending)
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7. hi, itmf wangxian in a hunger games setting that is not "The Hanging Tree" series by chatonnerie (just read that, it's so good and has me hungering for more!). thx so much!
our lives, never ours by glitteringmoonlight (T, 7k, WangXian, Hunger Games Setting, Angst, Minor Violence, Blood, hunger games typical references to violence, implied happy ending, but it's a bit ambiguous, this exists mostly for angst purposes tbh)
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8. hey admins! itmf longer post canon fics like 'wind rose in the clouds'? thank you ❤️
For 8, what about that fic did the requester like? What specifically are they looking for other than length and post-canon setting? Or are those the only criteria?
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9. IITMF ask; Give me your favorite ‘Wei Wuxian in Wei Wuxian’s body or keeps his body or doesn’t actually die’ fics. I’m in the mood to read more of our favorite boy as his og self. (He doesn’t have to start in his body, but I want my boy looking like himself by the end)
Saw My Life in a Stranger's Face by timetoboldlygo (T, 27k, WangXian, Post-Canon, Established Relationship, Married Life, Domestic Fluff, Light Angst, wwx's face changes post-canon to look like his original face, Slight Panic Attack, because lwj doesn't recognize his husband, the mortifying ordeal of not knowing your own body, the terrifying inevitability of change, taller!wwx theory)
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10. fics in which wwx comes back (from the dead/from the burial mounds/from hiding, whatever really) specifically for lwj!! (can be modern too if there r any)
🧡 Ghosts Shouldn’t by ShanaStoryteller (Not Rated, 15k, WangXian, Grief/Mourning, Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending)
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11. itmf fics where wangxian time travel to modern times - not reincarnation, but straight time travel. Preferably (mostly) canon typical before the time travel, but the point in canon when it happens does not matter
🧡 The Shade of Old Trees by Kryal (T, 266k, WIP, WangXian, Ridiculously Long Notes, History, Canon Divergence, Modern AU, Slow Burn, Worldbuilding, Slow Life, Action/Adventure, Magic Returns, BAMF WWX) could technically count if you don't mind it being just wwx who ends up in the future?
take me back to a time by DizziDreams (T, 143k, WangXian, Modern AU, College/University, Modern with Magic, Time Travel, Sharing a Bed, Angst with a Happy Ending, Student!WWX, Time-Traveling Wizard!LWJ, Slow Burn, Character Death, Angst, reference to abuse, Canonical Character Death, Canonical Abuse, Canon!LWJ, Canon-Typical Violence, Mutual Pining, Chronic Illness, Not A Fix-It, Case Fic, implied 3zun, Transmigration, America, [Podfic of] take me back to a time by dreamhazer) not sure if this can work
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12. ITMF for fics where wwx is abused sexually by the jiangs (JFM/JC) or an adult male figure he trusts. (Like the "between a rock and a hard place" series by Mydla but the truth is revealed and it's properly dealt with/ he gets his justice) @linossock
🔒 a choice to call our own by renhui (E, 93k, wangxian, JFM/WWX, WIP, Rape/Non-Con, Underage, Angst with a Happy Ending, Childhood Sexual Abuse, Sexual Assault, Forced Bonding, Homelessness, Dubious Consent, Self-Esteem Issues, Soulmates, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Pining while fucking, Misunderstandings, Miscommunication, Breaking Up & Making Up, Hurt/Comfort, Recovery, Good Uncle LQR, No Sunshot Campaign, Asexuality Spectrum) mostly fits the bill, although the requester should be warned that it's a WIP that ends before JFM gets his comeuppance, although it ends with the beginnings of a setup for that, so it's clearly on the way.
clean from the war (your heart fits like a key) by sysrae (E, 28k, WangXian, Modern AU Reunions, past xy/wwx, xy is fucked up but not evil because it's a modern AU and I said so, Hurt/Comfort, Panic Attacks, past wwx/jfm, Past Rape/Non-con, Past Abuse, Rape Recovery, transphobic violence, Victim Blaming, Past wei Wuxian/others, allusions to past self-harm) I think this might fit- note the tags
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13. thank you for this blog!! for the next itmf - any stories that take off like RoseThorne's wonderful ' a grain of millet drifting' - untamed canon-ish where WY is left on his own after the temple scene. angst appreciated - thank you !
tell some storm by qurbat (G, 31k, wangxian, JC & WWX, LSZ & WWX, NHS & WWX, Post-Canon, Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, liberal amounts of outsider POV, the legend of wangxian, how to create a romance epic for dummies)
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14. Hey can plz anyone tell if there is a fic where wei ying is an omega and wangji is an alpha and we ying is an op omega but no one knows about it like everyone thinks that he is an alpha or something.
backfire by spookykingdomstarlight (E, 115k, wangxian, LWJ/MXY, One-Sided MXY/WWX, MXY/NMJ, Modern, BDSM AU, Biologically Determined Dom/sub Roles, BDSM, Bad BDSM Etiquette, Sadism, Masochism, Past Sexual Abuse, Sexual Slavery, Self-Harm, BDSM as a Form of Self-Harm, Minor Character Death(s), Arson, Shades of Black Widow WWX, Extremely Dubious Consent, Rape/Non-con Elements, Normalized Homosexuality and Bisexuality, Normalized Polyamory, nonsexual bdsm, Slow Burn, Mutual Pining, Pining WWX, jealous WWX, Touch-Starved WWX, Professional Dominant WWX, Sex Worker WWX, gentle dom LWJ, Mean Dom LWJ, oblivious LWJ, Past WC/WWX, Minor JGY/WWX, Mentioned WWX/Others, Emotional Infidelity, Angst with a Happy Ending, endgame wangxian, MXY Also Gets a Happy Ending, the tags are scary but i promise there's some lightheartedness too, wangxian love one another so much, WWX is healed by the power of nonsexual bdsm and friendship, and then gets bdsm'd quite sexually and happily by the love of his life, Additional Warnings In Author's Note)
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15. helloooo do you know of any fics that are canon events (mdzsverse preferred but cql still fine) narrated from lwj's pov where he's just horrifically pining for wwx? looking for peak canon-compliant lwj pining <3 @nutellacats
🔒 The Price of Old Wishes by SoManyJacks (E, 67k, WangXian, Minor canon divergence, Angst, POV LWJ, Depression, Suicidal Thoughts, Eventual Happy Ending, Eventual Smut, Slow Burn, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, semi-verbal!LWJ, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Implied/Referenced Suicide) Novel events from LWJ's pov
The Choice is His to Believe in Me by mrcformoso (T, 11k, WangXian, POV LWJ, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Compliant, Canon Divergence, but only the ending, WangXian Get a Happy Ending, LWJ regaining WWX's Trust, Golden Core Reveal, Good Kid LSZ, Snippets, Post-Time Skip, Love Confessions, Requited Love, Trust Issues, WWX Has a Fear of Dogs, WWX Has No Golden Core, Light Jealousy, Fierce Corpse WN, Protective LWJ) CQL compliant but with some novel elements, and with a canon divergence ending. Might want to read New Perspective (link in #6) first for context
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16. Hello! For the next itmf, fics that place heavy emphasis on how what wwx practices is guidao (ghost cultivation) as opposed to modao (demonic cultivation)? Ideally canon dynamics, but no smut is also definitely ok! @lovelyiknow
The Young, the Horny, the Jaded and the Jade: Partners in Time by Admiranda (T, 55k, wangxian, established couple, Crossover, road trip with your older selves, teasing your younger selves about their obvious crushes, yin iron does yin iron things, mdzs/cql crossover, adult wangxian, Teenage Wangxian, genius WWX, LWJ adores his husband, we’re all in this disaster together, xue yang causes problems, WIP)
Ad Oblivione by Baph, HikariNoHimeWriter (M, 70k, WangXian, Time Travel Fix-It, Temporary Character Death, Canon-Typical Violence, POV Multiple, Hurt/Comfort, Grief/Mourning, Identity Reveal, Golden Core Reveal, Cultivation World Critical, Not JC Friendly, Abusive YZY, Angst with a Happy Ending) Been a while since I last read this one but I recall WWX working & interacting with ghosts & corpses & explaining to other characters how that works
🔒 the thread may stretch or tangle but it will never break by RoseThorne (E, 91k, WIP, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Soulmates, Self-Esteem Issues, Fix-It, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Nightmares, PTSD, Handfasting, Panic Attacks, Getting Together, First Time, Aftercare, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, /Referenced Torture, Scars, Chronic Pain, Golden Core Reveal, First Time, Switching, sex-related injury, LWJ Stays at the Burial Mounds, LSZ is a Wèi, Good Sibling JC, Dissociation, Burial Mounds Settlement Days) in later chapters
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17. For itmf, what are you guys’ favorite fics that are novel or audio drama canon only fics? No CQL compliant fics please!
two guys r in love thats literally it by victortor (M, 11k, wangxian, Time Travel, the fluffiest thing ive ever written)
🧡 a stone to break your soul, a song to save it by rikke ( M, 180k, WangXian, Arranged marriage, Canon Divergence, Hurt/comfort, Light angst, Canon typical violence)
SanRen by Kyogre (T, 87k, wangxian, Canon Divergence, Different First Meeting, Romantic Fluff, Action & Romance, Eventual Happy Ending)
the field meets the wood by astronicht (T, 7k, WangXian, BAMF WWX, slight whump, Ritualistic Self Harm, Canon Era, Tang Dynasty style, Blood Loss, Blood and Injury, salt economics, Post-Canon)
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If you didn’t get an answer to your ask here, don’t forget to make use of @mdzs-kinkmeme and MDZS KINK MEME on Dreamwidth. Authors actually do use them for ideas. You may get what you order!***Your prompt doesn’t have to be kink! Fluff, crack, whatever - it’s all good!***
#wangxian#mdzs#wangxian fic recs#i'm in the mood for a fic#the untamed#wangxian fic search#wangxianficfinder#long post
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Not to be a rambler on anon, but I really like the way you’ve set this AU! While it has canon elements we all know and love, the changes and additions you’ve added still leaves plenty room for theories and speculation. I know people are impatient for answers, and it’s a shame - guessing can be fun!
One divergent element I like thinking about is the whole “is Steven turning into White Diamond? Are they two actual separate consciousness in one body? Is she trying to hijack the plane?” conundrum we’re having. Listen…
In canon, Steven couldn’t turn back into Rose in any shape; having echoes of his gem’s past identities made us all think so. But no! He and his gem are one. They’re Steven no matter what. In Rose’s words in that video: she became half of him, she gave him her gem, she was willing to delete her own self for that purpose, so he could exist. “We can’t both exist”.
But…
What about White in this AU? We don’t know if she conceived Steven willingly or how aware of the process’ implications she was. My hunch feel is: nope. She likely didn’t want to have Steven… or at the very least, she wouldn’t be willing to give up her self for his sake.
And yet, Steven exists here. So this raises some questions.
Is White’s self fully gone? Is this situation here is the same as canon, and the White we’re seeing are just past memories making their own mess, fueled by Steven’s insecurities?
If “we can’t both exist” applies in this AU… how literal was Rose being? Could she have been her own separate conscious identity within Steven, but chose not to burden him? Could White have given up a part of her gem to Steven, but is now trying to wholly control it back, tempting Steven so he willingly chooses to “reset” the gem? After all, no matter how bothersome she became in dreams, she still couldn’t affect Steven without inciting him first. If there’s two identities within the gem, Steven is clearly the dominant one no matter what.
Considering how “computer programmed” Gems are… White could be fully gone, but before becoming Steven, could’ve “programmed” her gem to “guide” her future identity (Steven) into regressing back. Like installing her own Spinel resetting scythe in her mind, some backup files, hoping Steven will use it and “restore her back”.
There’s so many many COOL possibilities!! And there will be more or less as we learn about White’s motivations - Rose’s love and sacrifice determined Steven’s life, so White’s intentions will have impacts in other forms.
On the meanwhile though, I don’t mind waiting whatsoever. The story’s good and it’s worth the wait! So, thank you for giving us such a complex and entertaining story!
I love this writeup so much it is sincerely tempting to not post it at all, and instead just hold onto it. But I think you raise many fascinating points that people deserve to also see. :)
Also you're incredible for taking the time to type this all out. Reading your speculations is the fuel that fires my cylinders for the next chapter of this journey!
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(with the intention of fully kicking a hornets’ nest) -> my thoughts on tslocg s2 because it’s bad take after bad take in the tag:
- the pacing works. sure, the case can be made that the pacing would work better for a 22-episode season (i’m especially wounded by the fact that we couldn’t draw out the battle between the foxy and the catullan for two or three episodes At Least), but i don’t think that negates the fact that the writers are keeping a consistent rhythm. long-term story beats are balanced against one- or two-episode arc moments and, though it’s bracing at times, the show largely pulls off the breakneck energy thanks to its well-written humor.
- a lot of you are making your dissatisfaction weirdly personal with mindy kaling considering she only wrote one episode in the season and, in terms of the show’s co-creators, seems to be the more hands-off partner. i think we could all bring it down a couple notches, but if that’s not on the table, at least direct your ire in the appropriate direction damn
- i don’t think we’ve breezed past the s2e6 cliffhanger as everyone seems to fear we have, i absolutely think the other shoe will fall at some point. what makes me confident? mostly the choice to highlight jorja’s comment that bela hates herself when bela finds out about her ‘cancellation’ in conjunction with bela’s reaction to eric’s “you spend all your time trying to get people to like you, but then when someone like me actually does, i’m not enough. you immediately focus on winning over someone else”. the show seems to be delicately threading this needle of exploring the emotional ramifications of all the impulsive sex bela’s had without going too far and condemning the fact that she wanted those experiences in the first place. and that’s a long-term story i’m happy to be patient for to see it done right and done thoughtfully. because, i mean, in a lot of ways, it’s a storyline that embodies the thesis of the show. young women have a complex relationship with their own sexuality and get the best chance to define what it means to them under the newfound independence college life affords.
- kimberly/canaan compels me, the actors definitely have a sweet, off-beat chemistry. back to what i said, re: pacing, though, i don’t expect us to dwell on the storyline for more than three to five episodes into the next season. they might leave the possibility for a reprise like i suspect they’re doing with eric/bela but, if they get together at all, kimberly/canaan will be dissolved pretty quickly i think - particularly because i don’t see kimberly dealing with the way wanting canaan muddled her judgement and made her turn on a dear friend.
- speaking of whitney, i loved her journey with biochem it’s, like, a really cute look for her
- and speaking of her place in the love triangle, i definitely dig the wistfulness that comes with canaan being the collateral damage in whitney’s flailing sense of self this season, but her pivot back to her feelings for him at the end has such a whiff of ‘put in my self-discovery hours, that means i get to collect my canaan-shaped prize now’. which is not a judgement on whitney - i completely empathize with her wanting a do-over now that she’s a more evolved and self-assured person - but i do think canaan’s characterization is such that he’s not going to want to be involved with her romantically a second time. so whitney’s place in the triangle will likely be reckoning with and then accepting the boundaries he sets regardless of how things play out between her and kimberly.
- every scene in the common room of the dorm or the dining hall where the girlies take turns presenting their emotional conundrum to the group for a greek chorus of feedback in return made my heart swell and as long as this relationship is the one the show cares most about, i stay winning
- tatum being presented as leighton literally dating herself now that she’s authentically herself for the first time ending in leighton dumping her own ass then immediately embracing the self she’d started cultivating at the women’s center but couldn’t fully explore for being in the closet at the time even when it’s uncomfortable and she’d normally cow to her impulse to conform was galaxy-brained shit sorry if you’re mourning the loss of the carbon-copy white lesbian guess i’m built different
- anyway so so excited for the women’s center to once again be one of our regular on-campus hangs, so so excited to see leighton continue to blossom there
- lila was perfect literally every scene she was in but if i was going to complain about one thing it’d be that she ended up kissing whitney and not bela despite their insane chemistry. hello???
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following the current, circling the drain
read on a03 | spotify playlist for good vibes
Well, shit, this certainly complicates things. Found myself in a bit of a conundrum now, haven't I? You probably have too, since you're also sitting in this shitty little cracker box of a "prison cell" in the basement of self-proclaimed warlord and arms dealer Sitis Epirian's sort-of-mansion. Or what counts as a mansion on this blessed rock called Omega. It’s more like a mercenary compound with fancy art tacked up on the walls than an actual mansion. Big and fortified, just like any hobbyist warlord should have.
Name's Inonsi, I'd say it's good to meet you, but the circumstances being what they are ...
Shit, will you calm down? Stop freaking out, it's not so bad here. They even put a bucket in here so you can piss somewhere other than your pants or the floor. I've been stuck in worse, comes with the territory. If you wait patiently, everything will work out, you can trust me on that. I've never let something like six-inch bulletproof glass with kinetic impact barriers, high tech security systems, locks, and a literal mercenary army stop me before. And if you so happen to slip out when I'm done ... well, that's none of my business, now is it?
I know what you're thinking, how did the drell with beautiful shining scales and eyes like endless obsidian pools end up getting manhandled and tossed into a man like Epirian's torture dungeon? Well, I could tell you the entire story from start to finish in exacting and exhaustive detail, right down to the number of buttons on my father's dinner jacket that he wore one time when I was five years old (seven brass buttons that caught the light and shimmered like small stars, by the way), but I won't do that. You humans don't have the attention span for that kind of biography.
But we've got some time to kill, I love talking about myself, and you seem like you're on the verge of a stroke. You need a distraction. Put your feet up friend, relax and let the tide flow out to the sea.
Disappearing Apprentice
I was a special child, training under a specialist known far and wide for her skills in martial arts and hand-to-hand combat. Why was a child training under someone like that? Easy enough answer, the Compact. The hanar saved my people two centuries ago and now there's some long-held belief that all drell owe a debt to the hanar for it. And so sometimes, promising young upstarts with apparent skill in sneaking around and good balance get plucked from their parents to be trained as assassins, soldiers and mercenaries, and they're supposed to be thankful for it.
Etensan Laon was a difficult mistress, impossible to please.
"Again!" She shouts. A crimson scaled hand flies out and wraps tight around my ankle. One short tug topples me from my perch on the worn balance beam, the fading vinyl covering over the center evidences the apprentices of times past. I land hard on my back, my breath comes in short, painful gasps, her fingers are still digging around my ankle. She sneers down at me, lips turned up in the left corner with disdain. There are white stripes running from the crown of her head to her neck. "Balance and attention, Inonsi! Simply remaining upright when you land your jump is not sufficient. You will fall to your death if a strong breeze catches you unaware, as I have just done."
I am only seven years old, but she will not let go of my ankle. I know I must free myself from her grasp. One cannot depend on never being caught. Her talons scrape against my scales, still sore from the last two days we have been doing this exercise, repeating this exact scenario. "Yes, Sera Laon," I say before I swing my other leg beneath hers and attempt to pull her down. She does not fall to the ground, her knee only buckles, but her grip around my ankle weakens and I roll back, pulling myself free.
It is sloppy, unskilled, but it works. I leap back onto the balance beam to start again. I must be perfect. Etensan Laon does not tolerate imperfection.
Oh, sorry about that. Happens sometimes. You get used to it.
Well, I trained with Laon until I was ten years old. I was great. At ten years old, if something had a neck, I could theoretically snap it. If there was something to climb, leap from, hide behind, or twist myself into, I could do it. You know that thing in all the spy movie vids where the spy disappears into a crowd or into a passing shadow? Well, I could do that too. But I wasn't perfect, and I hated that as much as Laon seemed to hate me. It worked out in the end though.
Because I got to leave.
I was allowed to visit with my parents sometimes, and one of those times, my world went upside down. You see dear old dad got involved in some political scandal, the nature of which is quite embarrassing if you know anything about hanar-drell politics, which you don't, so don't worry your head about it. Suffice to say, he and mom elected to leave Kahje and well, they weren't going to leave precious little Inonsi behind. I waved goodbye to Kahje from the private passenger cabin of a very pricey transport shuttle. I was ten and to my mind it was an exciting adventure. Besides, I'd gotten in trouble with Laon because I had been caught stealing yetae blossoms from the tree in the meditation garden, and my parents were in such a rush to get off world that she never had the opportunity to tattle on me.
How was I supposed to know you weren't allowed to pluck them straight from the tree? It's not like there were signs posted around the ancient tree that I willfully ignored from the moment I arrived at the training center to the moment I left it. The blossoms smelled so sweet. If they didn't want me taking them, maybe they shouldn't have smelled so good. Following the rules has never been my strong suit.
If my parents had known then exactly how often I was stealing they might have kept a better eye on me once we landed at our destination, because flowers from a tree didn't even really count as stealing, there were other things. Mostly Laon's things. I didn't even keep them, I would just sneak into her quarters or pick her pockets and take things. Datapads, credit chits, clothing, incense burners ... whatever I could get my little hands on. I threw almost all of it into the ocean. She never caught me stealing anything that mattered. Just those fucking flowers that she treated like holy relics.
Urchin? Sort of.
And then, middle, middle, middle. You don't want to hear about the quiet years on Teyolia, where father dearest conducted secretive business, and I definitely did not make a habit of listening in on his conversations or hacking his computer terminal and reading his encrypted emails. I most certainly didn't bug his office. Nope. Not Inonsi, she never ever would have done that.
Just kidding. Let's just say that perhaps nature versus nurture might lean more toward nature in my case. My poor, long-suffering mother.
I kept to myself at school mostly, I stuck out like ... well a bright orange and purple thumb in a sea of tall, blue and beautiful girls. I was easy to mock, short by asari standards (and also drell standards, but that's neither here nor there), and very, very different. It's okay though, the meanest of the girls, Paresya, found a lot of her school supplies missing. A lot of her girlfriends too, as we got older. What can I say? I have a certain mystique about me, it would be a shame not to leverage that to my advantage.
Oh please, don't give me that look. You're in this cell too. Don't tell me you've never done something juvenile and vindictive like stealing someone's girlfriend or boyfriend out of spite. I don't believe it.
When I was sixteen I grew dreadfully bored of school and of teenage asari superiority, so I started skipping classes frequently. It's incredible how long you can get away with that if you know how to hack into the school's attendance system and reprogram the VI that calls the parents when you're absent. All those phone calls went to some takeout joint in the next city over. By the time my parents were contacted by a real person, I'd missed approximately a quarter of that year's lessons.
You know, those asari do a very good job of making their colonies and cities look like marvelous, utopic jewels. If you stay on all the main thoroughfares, in all of the tourist centers, you might even find yourself believing it. But at sixteen, I found my way to the seedy underbelly of Iare, a moderately large city in the main colony of Teyolia. I found a group of kids, far more diverse than I'd ever been exposed to before. I was used to living first around drell and hanar exclusively, and then mostly asari. They were poor kids, a pair of turian siblings whose parents were day laborers, a salarian whose dad was sort of like mine, but unlike mine had recently had the rug pulled out from under him, and an asari who didn't talk about her family at all.
I pulled the same trick. They were fun kids, and I didn't want them to know that I got to go home at night to a nice apartment with flawed, but loving parents. Zelthatea, Zel to anyone who didn’t want to get socked in the face, didn’t talk about her family for much darker reasons, but I was sixteen, and using her method seemed like the best way to fit in.
We were tight, those kinds of bonds formed by committing small acts of theft and property damage together. The kinds formed through spending whole days together rough housing and running away from cops, shrieking with relieved laughter as we narrowly escaped capture. And then they found out I could do tricks. I could scale a building, leap from rooftop to rooftop, and I started teaching them how to do some of it. Soon enough, we had ourselves a little gang of roof running hooligans, we would do beer runs on convenience stores, and escape into alleys and up and away from prying eyes, that sort of thing.
We got too big for our ill-fitting pants, though. I wish I could tell you that I don’t remember whose idea it was to break into a corporate office and try to make off with company secrets, but if a drell ever tell you that, you know they’re lying. Only one of us had a dad who was in the corporate espionage business, so you do the math. There I was, in the CEO’s office with Zel, Apus and Catiae were our lookouts and were pretending to be janitors. Dex (the salarian, he didn’t like us using his real name) was our man on the outside, he was supposed to keep an eye out for security and police activity. He lost his nerve the first time he saw someone who looked like she might have been security and darted off without telling us!
“Shit, something’s up, get out of there!” Apus calls into the room right before tossing the trash cart over on its side and dashing down the hall towards the fire stairs. Catiae is hot on his heels. Her secondhand boots crash against the tile floor noisily as her footsteps pound heavy, sounding her escape. They don’t quite fit her yet. They were her mothers, one of the buckles hangs loose, it clinks mockingly as she ducks through the door.
Zel looks at me, panic in wide, ocean blue eyes. She is already crying, but she doesn’t want to leave me behind. She is always so sweet, usually quiet. Three emerald lines draw down over her pointed chin, the only facial markings she has. “Zel, hide! I’ll run a distraction. Don’t leave until it’s safe,” I say. Out of all of us, she doesn’t deserve to get caught committing a real crime.
I snatch the OSD I was using to transfer a clone of the CEO’s terminal on and beat feet out of the door. Four guards turn the corner, they wear heavy armor, deep blue, accented with gold. I wave my hand at them, making sure they see the OSD held in my fingers. “Genteux gives his regards!” I shout. Genteux doesn’t exist, or at least, I do not believe he does, I’ve never heard of anyone named Genteux. I run for the elevator and dart inside. I send it down to the first floor, climb out of the maintenance hatch and pry open the doors on the second. One, two, three, four running steps to the window. It is not the kind that opens. Shit, I panic. I pick up a chair and send it hurling through with a neon biotic burst.
No hesitation, I leap through, tuck and roll to the ground. It hurts, but I haven’t broken anything. I land right in the center of a congregation of Iare’s finest, guns raised and trained on me.
Everyone but Dex got caught. I did my best to take the fall for it. It was my big-brained idea after all. But well, my dad wasn’t exactly a paragon of upstanding citizenry, as I have alluded to already. Money floated into someone’s grasping hands, and I was let off with a slap on the wrist. Despite my desperate pleading, daddy dearest did not extend his kindness to the poor kids who got wrapped up in my ego.
Well, my days as an up-and-coming criminal mastermind were cut quite short at that point. Mom was furious, dad was embarrassed, and apparently lost a lot of business (judging by the angry phone calls I was still horning my way into) because I allegedly chose my target based on some conversations that were very private. Allegedly.
We picked up and moved again. I won’t tell you where to, dad still lives there, conducting his business.
They say there’s no honor among thieves, but I am daddy’s little girl. I never put his lifestyle in jeopardy again, and I will not do so now.
Mom eventually wised up to his shenanigans, by the way, and is living the high life in the tropics. Last I heard, she’s started seeing a nice young drell. Good for her. I believe you humans would call her a cougar. She seems happy, and that’s what matters.
Hey, settle! The guard’s just cranky because of the little surprise I left in one of the bathrooms. I mean, maybe some people think a flashbang rigged up so that the pin gets pulled when the door opens isn’t a good prank, but those people aren’t tormenting assholes like these guys. This guard’s a pussy, he’s just trying to rattle our cage a bit. Keep it together, will you? Losing your cool because the guy is threatening to pull our fingernails out one by one because he has a migraine and moderate to severe hearing loss now is a surefire way to miss our chance.
Now, where was I? Oh, don’t answer that, it’s hypothetical. I know exactly where I was.
Actually an Acrobat
I was kept under lock and key right up until my parents could no longer do so without it being considered false imprisonment or kidnapping. I mean, I still got out. Often. Civilian security is child’s play, and it’s frankly embarrassing that more people don’t know how to hack open a regular old apartment door and slip out into the night.
This story has to, of course, touch on tragic young love. All the great stories do. And mine is pretty good, if I do say so myself. And I do.
Upon gaining the freedom afforded by adulthood, I immediately tried my hand at the nightclub scene. I learned two things right away, club goers are easy pick-pocketing targets, and that the cocktail called the “Rough Tide” is the best alcoholic beverage to be crafted by clever asari mixologists. Its main components are lunassa, a very strong asari liquor, and juice from the olan fruit native to Kahje. There are other things mixed in it, but I’ve never bothered with the finer points of cocktail mixing. The sweetness of the fruit masks the surprising strength of the liquor, and when you stand up the tide sweeps you off your feet.
I’ve made some of my best bad decisions under the influence of a Rough Tide … or three … or four. My favorite best bad decision was Tertus Achaso, even when you account for the aforementioned tragedy. I was sitting at the bar, pleasantly drunk but not out of my mind on it, when a barefaced turian with a charming smile, chipped third tooth, and sharp, honey eyes slid onto the seat next to me. His first words to me were, “So do the colors go all the way down?” Very charming. Very smooth. It should have been very off-putting. But what can I say? I’m a sucker for a good smile.
“Buy me another drink, and maybe you’ll find out,” I answered. I was looking for a good time, and it seemed I had found it. What? Oh, the answer? I am all the colors of a desert sunset from my head to my toes. You should be so lucky to see me in my full glory.
Stop distracting me.
We talked for a while, and he did buy me a drink, another Rough Tide. He laughed when I told him that I couldn’t stand the taste of hard liquor. He laughed even harder when I admitted that I had (still have, thank you) a terrible sweet tooth. One thing led to the only place this was ever going – a cheap hotel room.
He smells of fresh cut lumber and canvas. There is a scar cut deep into the keel of his chest, long healed. Dark brown hide, patterned with sandy, rough plates. He’s surprisingly gentle for someone so large. Fingers tenderly trace down-
Ahem, sorry. That’s not the kind of memory that one should share, especially with a stranger. We’ll just gloss over that by me telling that he worked for a traveling circus, and I happen to be very flexible. I made an impression on him, and he made an impression on me.
So Inonsi runs off with the no-so-smooth talking turian to join the circus, right? I had stars in my eyes, like all young women do. Tertus could do no wrong, and I became enamored with both him and the idea that I could make a living of being an entertainer. I wowed audiences with suicidal feats of acrobatic grace, tight ropes, swinging on long swathes of cloth, leaping from heights that made most people sick. Finally, I was putting my training to use. No more petty thievery for me, and breaking and entering because I was bored, I was going straight.
Ha!
See the thing was that those kinds of circuses, the ones that are not owned by multibillion credit entertainment conglomerates, are filled to the brim with criminals and rejects of every stripe. Beautiful, gentle, and sweet Tertus was one of them. A criminal, I mean. He was probably a reject too, but he was my, admittedly very small, world so I didn’t see him that way. Some nights, he would step away from the other stagehands to go make phone calls. I’ve always been too curious for my own good. I listened in on those too, I am ashamed to say. I am capable of some shame, not much, but some.
Look, I didn't listen because I didn't trust him. I just like to know things. People are always having such interesting conversations, don't you think?
If only listening in on his conversations drove me to some sort of action. But it didn't. He had the kind of debts a lowlife criminal with a former drug addiction came upon. Tertus did more crimes to make creds so he could pay those debts, circus work does not pay well, and in the process, he pissed some very bad people off. This place wasn't like Omega, where you can't throw a rock without hitting some wannabe mob boss, so he thought he would be safe traveling with a planet-side circus.
It was the morning before our first show in a new city, I'd been with the circus and Tertus for several months at that point (eight months and four days according to the local calendar, to be exact). We actually had an auditorium to perform in that time, and I was excited do all of my tricks. There were poles to climb, flowing fabrics to spin around in, things to dive off of. It was going to be magnificent, and people were going to learn my name. And Tertus and I were going to live happily forever. And he was late to meet me at a diner for breakfast. That wasn't very unusual, circus folk run on a different sort of clock - the kind that's always late.
But after an hour of waiting, I decided to go looking for him. As I was crossing over a foot bridge heading back towards the hotel most of us were staying at, I heard boots slamming on concrete. Have you ever heard a sound that's innocuous, an everyday sound, but it's so wrong it sets your teeth on edge?
Sun is warm on my back. One, two, three, four rushing steps, panicked breathing. I look up and see Tertus running full speed toward me. He doesn't see me at first, too focused on watching his feet to make sure he doesn't trip. His eyes meet mine, halfway across the bridge, eyes wide with fear. "Go! Run!" he shouts as he grows nearer to me. But I can see what he cannot.
Three men carrying assault rifles are gaining on him. Two turians, one krogan.
I know something that Tertus doesn't. You can't outrun a bullet. The world slows to a crawl. Fear roots me to my spot until it is too late to do anything to save him. I have never heard a gun fired outside of a range or without protection for my ears before. Three, four, five muzzle flashes. Cobalt blood like rain splatters across the ground, Tertus falls forward as though he has been pushed.
My training spurs me to action. I’ve never actually taken a life before, but these men hurt my Tertus. I run towards them, using my very unimpressive biotic talent to generate a barrier. Dodge to the right, jump onto the railing of the bridge, leap from the rail, use the momentum to snap the neck of the turian closest to me. Maintain my momentum, stay in fluid motion. There's a gun in my hand and the second turian falls with the sound of automatic gunfire filling my ears. It's too fucking loud.
Something burns in my leg and my stomach, but I can’t stop moving. If the krogan gets his hands on me, I'll die. I leap onto his back, I nearly drop the assault rifle, it’s too big for me. I launch myself from his crest plate and fire down into his neck while I’m still in the air. It's sloppy, it's messy, it's too fucking loud. He’s still coming, and I just keep firing. It's over. I'm covered in blood, indigo, cadmium orange, and my own emerald. A cruel painting in brilliant organic color. I run to Tertus.
He's already dead. Honey eyes glassy. Jaw lax, mandibles hang limp next to his dear, sweet face. I scream, everything hits me all at once. The fear, the anger, the heartbreak. But I have no time, I hear more boots on the ground, and I am surrounded by bodies and covered in blood.
I don't hesitate. I leap into the river and follow the current to somewhere new.
Please, don't apologize. Everyone on this station has a tragic backstory. I bet you have one that's a real doozy. The river flows out to the sea, and so too I've learned that you have to keep living. You humans have a saying, "Go with the flow." It fits very nicely with my personal philosophy. Which is why I have to insist that you keep your pants on and stay calm, our time will come. If you try to take your chance too soon, it fucks things up. Swim with the current, not against it, friend. You'll just make yourself tired fighting the undertow, and then you'll sink to the bottom.
We wouldn't want that, now would we?
Star System Hopping Woman of Mystery Thief
If you have to ask how or why I ended up on Omega, I'd have to ask you if you've been listening at all. True, I don't live here full time. I'm sort of a star system hopping woman of mystery. But I do end up on Omega very often. You'd be surprised how many art sellers and antique collectors are just straight up criminals. Or maybe you wouldn't be. You are in the same basement holding cell as I am, after all. Or did you come here for something other than stealing priceless relics from a murderer?
Please don't tell me you came here to steal his weapons! How uninspired.
Anyways, of course I mourned Tertus. But I was scared, possibly wanted for the murder of three people, maybe four if you account for the possibility that it would have been very easy for the local police force to pin the whole disaster on me. I was naïve, but I wasn’t stupid. So I did what every young, unfortunate fool who gets tangled up in big time criminal activity and is too stubborn to ask dad for help does: I caught the first transport to Omega I could get. (I snuck aboard some mercenary gang’s smuggling vessel. I fit into crates quite nicely, don’t you know?)
Here's what I learned my first week on Omega:
No one gives a shit about you. They don’t care who you are, who you were, or what you did. Minding your own business is a matter of survival here.
The pickpockets here don’t even try to hide what they’re doing. They just run real fast when they get caught. I always catch them.
The bartenders here have never heard of a Rough Tide. At any of the bars and clubs.
There are a lot of assholes here who think they’re hiding the fact that they have goods that are worth something.
Hallex is a great time if taken in moderation and while dancing with bright lights and pretty girls.
Oh, don’t give me that look. Go back to lesson number one and mind your own fucking business. I was dealing with the traumatic death of my boyfriend, and the guilt of killing people. Besides, you learn to have a more relaxed view of party drugs when your own skin secretes a toxin that makes people see sounds and hear colors. I’m a walking party drug. What? No, you can’t try! What, am I supposed to let a stranger suck on my fingers or lick my face just because they’re curious? I don’t know you well enough for that. There’s a two drink minimum for that kind of talk.
Besides, you’ll need a clear head to get out of here. Or did you forget that we’re in a warlord’s torture cave?
It didn’t take very long for me to grow bored of partying my feelings away, and even less time for me to start planning a heist. Eh, less of a heist, and more like I broke into some rich pirate king’s hideout and stole anything I could carry that was worth something. I also hacked his terminals and wiped all of his accounts and infected everything with a computer in the building with a virus. His operations came to a screeching halt, and I gleefully lined my pockets with his ill-gotten gains.
Oh, you thought I was one of those do-gooder thieves who robs the rich to feed the poor or whatever? You’re too funny! I have rules against stealing from poor folk, and I don’t use street kids and beggars in any of my schemes like some others of my ilk. But I’m in this business for myself.
Breaking into low security hideouts and penthouse suites when no one was home lost its luster very quickly. I’ve always loved a challenge, and I’m prone to acting unwisely when I’m bored. I started traveling again, I’ve hit museums, government archives, art galleries, even corporate research facilities. Sometimes, someone pays me (I come pricey) to steal something for them, but mostly I hear about something I really want to touch (or fence, whatever,) and I go and take it. If my marks don’t want me to steal it, they should secure it better.
Oh, you’ll love this. Once, I received word that a relic of one Earth’s ancient royalty was going to be up for auction at some high society party in Paris, yes that Paris. Collectors have been shuffling around Marie Antoinette's pearl and diamond pendant for literal centuries. It was one of those “benefits” that the rich and famous throw that never actually benefits anyone but their own image. Stealing it was surprisingly easy. I stole it before the display case ever made it to the auction floor, but they didn’t even notice it was gone until they unveiled it to start the bidding. It was my first, and only, taste of champagne.
A waiter wearing a tuxedo hands me a fluted glass filled with golden, bubbling liquid. I taste it, and I’m very unimpressed. It’s very bitter for something that looks so tempting. A warm chuckle takes me by surprise, and I turn to see a handsome young man, dark curly hair, very dark skin and wide brown eyes, who is watching me. “Not a fan of the beverage offerings, I take it?” he asks jovially.
“No, I’m afraid not. The drinks on the homeworld are much sweeter,” I respond. There’s a slim-to-none chance that a random human on Earth would know anything about Kahje, and an exactly zero chance that he would know about Rakhana at all. I could tell him literally anything about my “homeworld” (one which I had not been to since I was ten, the other a place that was more cautionary tale and myth than homeworld), and he would have to believe me. I set the glass on a nearby table.
"Are you here for the auction? There aren't very many aliens here." He nods his head back toward to crowd starting to form on the bidding floor. He's right, there are a few asari here and one salarian, bright yellow skin with emerald speckles on his horns and the backs of his hands. I know my time is coming soon. The man smiles, teeth shining pearls, his left incisor is too high on his gum, giving it the appearance of an animal's fang. I like it. It's a shame I'll be leaving soon. I never learn his name.
"I am as a matter of fact, here on behalf of a hanar friend. He has an interest in antiques from other cultures, but sadly, could not make the trip himse-" My lie is cut off by first worried tittering up at the stage and the chaos and panic erupts as they open the secure vault container and find it empty.
The man looks around frantically, trying to piece together what is happening until his eyes fall on me again. More specifically, to the necklace hanging framed by the daring neckline of my suit jacket. A single tear-shaped pearl hanging beneath diamonds arranged in a ribbon’s bow, and above that one large round diamond, all hanging from a cheap silver chain I nicked from a department store jewelry counter earlier that day.
I press my finger to my lips and whisper, "Watch this." I take off running for the open balconies, pushing party goers out of my way, one, two, three strides before I am standing on the balcony rail, the small barrier to a long drop and a messy death. I rip the pendant free of the necklace and place it in a secured pocket sewn inside of my suit and step off the balcony.
With a twist my body I am hurtling towards the ground in a dive. A press of a small button on my bracelet as I spread my arms, my daring fashion choice turns from a strange, webbed cape sewn into the arms and body of my jacket, into semi-rigid wings. Soaring between skyscrapers is one of the most freeing experiences I have ever had.
It took a little doing, but I managed to sneak off Earth the next day. I still have the pendant. I wear it to parties sometimes. What do you mean, why do I wear it? It's jewelry, isn't it? I don't have an art gallery, friend. I don't typically keep things in glass cases. But don't get it twisted, even if you found out where I keep my things and occasionally live, you wouldn't be able to get in. That pearl stays mine.
Oh! That's our cue. That sound that just rocked the very foundation of this building is how I'm getting out of here. If you would be so kind as to press down on the bench over there with your boot while I - uh - change positions here to - uh - get better leverage with a good kick. There's a cotter pin in there I can use to break the lock.
Alright, on three be ready so you don't eat it when the bench collapses. One, two, three!
Beautiful! Now while the guards are all going to check out the giant hole in the wall- why did I plant bombs? Rule number one of thieving, always have a plan for if you get caught. I wouldn't have been caught if it weren't for some clown getting caught with their grabby little hands in Epirian's weapons cache just as I was heading to my original escape route. Funny that. But it’s no sweat off my back (mostly because I don’t sweat) but also because I always have a secondary escape plan.
Though they aren’t usually quite so … explosive.
But all is not lost. These idiots couldn't do a successful pat down on me even if I was naked as sin. There's an OSD in a hidden pocket with clones of all of Sitis' terminals and datapads.
What? Oh, you thought I was here for the art or his antiques? Ha! I guess I did allude to the art quite often. No. Dear old dad needed a hand. Family business, and all that. Do you know how many creds those corporate bigwigs at companies like say ... Armax Arsenal will pay to keep proof that they've been dealing super advanced weaponry to pirate king arms dealers an ugly little secret?
So much it would make your head spin. Let's say that good ol' Sitis deals with a few of these bigwigs. Papa dearest collects the blackmail money from those nasty weapons manufacturers, and dear, sweet Inonsi helps collapse Epirian's little criminal empire. For purely selfish reasons, of course. (Dear, sweet Inonsi also makes a fat stack of creds in the process.)
Now, stop interrupting. This is a Saronis Applications Securitron-X78 model haptic interface lock. A baby could open this with the right tools, but I do still need to focus. Just insert the pin into this little gap here, use it as a conduit for a little biotic pulse like such and bingo! We're almost home free, my friend.
If you’re going to stick with me to get out of here, you’ll need to do what I say, when I say it. We go with the flow, take our opportunities as they come to us, not a moment before, not a moment after. If we play our cards right, we’ll slip out unnoticed. And hey, if you impress me on our way out, maybe you’ll get the pleasure of being another one of my best bad decisions. What do you say?
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Writer Q&A
Finally doing this, thank you for the tag @lexiklecksi!!
I tag: @wheres-all-the-tea-gone and @atmospheric and anyone who wants to do it
What motivates you to write?
An inherent desire to communicate and deal with certain feelings I have (usually bad ones). My big WIP On The End Of Everything is about characters that are very dissatisfied with their lives and with who they are but have no way of changing this, as well as an exaggeration of the apocalyptic feeling we get when we don't have our lives completely together (might that tell you something about me?). Both this story and my short story anthology WIP make political commentary in the stupidest way possible, like any scifi story should.
Every character has a trace of me and every trace of me is examined and judged in all sorts of situations. It's both a form of self-therapy and a way to unload nonsensical ideas and peculiar humour.
A line/short snippet of your writing that you are most proud/happy of. If not maybe share a line of someone else's work you love (just please credit them)
I like my poems best of the stuff I've written in the past 3 years, and there's a rather long one with some body horror elements (CW), but here are two verses from that one:
you may climb to the valley but the descent is steep
there the partyhouse is filled to the brim
here lie the parents, not awake nor asleep
tie them together for their bodies are thin
down the sea over yonder and into the deep
see them drown and wonder, why had they no skin?
a fly on the water comes to pose a conundrum
if your face were another would you feel any different?
then all insects fall dead to beat of a drum
the wet blows are approaching and becoming vociferant
another face is growing over your own now, how fun
the next mouth utters sweetly the cry of an infant
What part of writing do you think you are the best at? (Yes stroke your own ego it's okay)
I'm not sure but I used to think descriptions? Especially of rather gorey and disturbing scenes, that's what I used to think. I haven't done that sort of thing in a while though, I hope I get to do it again soon. Well, apart from poems, as you can see.
But I think desciptions in general, they are my way of bringing the humour.
What do you enjoy most about the Writeblr community?
The fact we all stay curious about other people and their work! Plus everyone here is so earnestly in love with writing, it's nice.
A writing tool/device you use that helps you with writing? (It could be speech to text, a writing program etc)
Those synonym and rhyme websites, translators, but in my case especially wiktionary.org
A piece of worldbuilding that you like in your own story? (It could be the magic system, a particular place in the story, a law etc)
I like the world building in On The End Of Everything's first universe the best, but it's a sort of mystery so I don't want to spoiler it. To give you an idea of the current vibe (after all the worldbuilding that is to be uncovered); it is a universe with no sun, one planet that is able to support human life due to geothermic activity and an ecosystem of bioluminescent critters, and a human population with names like Nestlé (my main girl of this universe, I love her).
What piece of advice would you say to encourage others to write if they are having a rough patch?
If you're stuck just write Anything else. Could be a completely unrelated story idea you have or you can try to write the scene from someone else's perspective or write what someone completely different is doing somewhere else in-universe right now. Just because it won't be part of the finished story doesn't mean its not valuable. And hey, depending on the tone of your writing or how exciting the scene is you could just put it in anyway. For example: i dont really know how to write my current scene so instead i just wrote about a random bioluminescent dog called Stephen Colbert and his take on the scene. My writing is silly.
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Welp! Today is my birthday, and I’m another year older. It’s crazy to think about how much time has flown by since I joined fandom well over a decade and a half ago and how that has shaped me as a person. But hey, I wouldn’t have it any other way.
My past self wouldn’t have thought I would still be making things to this day. But inspiration and motivation needs to come from somewhere, and it’s thanks to all of you lovely fandom folks for being the reason why I still make art, and why I started writing again!
If it wasn’t for fandom, I have no idea where I would be. Fandom holds a very special place in my heart because it’s a community where I can be myself and feel at home. The support I’ve received on my many crazy initiatives, and each friendship I’ve made over the years have all been truly special.
As a thank you, I’m presenting a throwback rec list of 22 Drarry and rare pairs fics dating back between 2003-2017. Each and every one of these have impacted me in some way, have pulled me through some really difficult times and/or I still love to reread to this day.
Maybe these are ones y’all love too, or have yet to read. I’ve added some tags where applicable just in case, since not all of these have extensive AO3 tags. Don’t forget to give these authors some love by leaving kudos and/or comments!
[If you do want to see more detailed rec posts for these fics, send the word by commenting or sending a request in my inbox!]
Without further ado, here ya go and enjoy!
Drarry
🧁 >>> Waters of March by geoviki (T, 21.6k, 2003)- Canon-Divergence, AU, Post-War, Order of the Phoenix, St. Mungo’s, Hurt/Comfort, Angst, brief mentions of Torture/Violence, London, Coffee Shops, Banter, Getting Together, Alternating PoVs
Summary: Voldemort's final victim resides with the other spell-damaged wizards in St. Mungo's Hospital. Harry suffers survivor's guilt and finds an unusual beta.
🧁 >>> Tip of the Icing by megyal | @megyalwrites (M, 32.6k, 2007)- EWE, Post-war, Pre-DH, Fluff, Light Angst, Happy Ending, Magical AU, various OCs, Baking, Kid!fic, Past Relationships, Mentions of Past Affairs, Jealousy, Banter
Summary: Harry's successful cake/pastry career brings an old nemesis as a new client.
🧁 >>> Small Blessings by oldenuf2nb (M, 37k, 2009)- EWE, Post-war, Adopted Children, Found Family, Dad!Harry, Model!Draco, Pureblood Culture, Expectations, Attempted Kidnapping, Getting Together, Snogging, Humping, Falling in Love, Parenting, various OCs, Alternating PoVs
Summary: After the war, Harry opens an orphanage with the help of a surprising friend. When he adopts an infant left on his doorstep, he has no idea what fate has in store for him.
🧁 >>> Taste of Magic by Romaine | @romaine2424 (M, 10.1k, originally written in 2009)- Auror!Harry, Unspeakable!Draco, Banter, Goblet of Fire, Magic Vanishing, brief mentions of deaths, Drinking, Sex, Muggle World, Bittersweet, Light Angst, Hopeful Ending
Summary: As the world's atmosphere changes, magic starts to disappear. Only a "lucky" few will stay in the magical world until the earth begins to heal.
🧁 >>> Symbiosis by fireflavored (E, 20.2k, 2009)- Post-war, 8th Year, Quidditch, Humour, UST, Flirting, Arrangements, Bullying, Prejudices, Wanking, BJs, Rimming, Sex, Christmas, Getting Together, Happy Ending
Summary: sym·bi·o·sis (sĩm'bē-ō'sĩs) n. Biology A close, prolonged association between two or more different organisms of different species that may, but does not necessarily, benefit each member.
🧁 >>> The Charm Conundrum by dysonrules (M, 8.3k, originally written in 2010)- 8th Year, Awkward Flirting, Humour, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Courting, Misunderstandings, Crushes, Idiots in Love, Jealousy, Banter, Teasing, Sneaking Around at Night, Sex, Happy Ending
Summary: Harry misplaces an interesting "self-help" manual. Draco finds it and discovers some fascinating insights into Harry Potter.
🧁 >>> Sæglópur by femmequixotic | @femmequixotic (M, 34.3k, 2011)- EWE, First Person PoV, Break-up, Affairs, Fuckbuddies, UST, Idiots in Love, Banter, Holiday, Travel, Old Magic, Iceland, Lack of Communication, Feelings, Banter, Public Sex, Jealousy, Meddling Friends, Angst with a Happy Ending, Getting Back Together
Summary: After a difficult breakup, Draco finds himself dragged to the land of magic, law, and natural wonders where, of course, nothing goes as planned.
🧁 >>> Draco Malfoy, It's Your Lucky Day by faithwood (E ,37.4k, 2012)- 8th Year, Mystery, Enemies to Lovers, Injuries, Felix Felicis, Temporary Memory Loss, Cuddling, Guilt, Hurt/Comfort, Angst, Handjobs, Rimming, Feelings, Curses, Misunderstandings, Deception, Memory Potions, Happy Ending
Summary: Even though he's unarmed, injured, lost in the Forbidden Forest, and facing a possible murder charge, Draco Malfoy gets lucky.
🧁 >>> Phoenix Rising by tuesdaymidnight (M, 25.6k, 2013)- Post-war, EWE, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Permanent Injury, Music, Trauma, Prophecy, Divination, Muggle world, Holidays, Friendships with Gryffindors, past break-up, Feelings, Idiots in Love, Getting Back Together, Song!Fic
Summary: Twelve years after the war, Draco is a successful organ tuner living in London, but he is still burdened by the effects of the war. Dark magic left him with a crippled body and, he sometimes worries, an empty heart. By chance he spots Harry in Muggle London, and the old feelings he once had for him rush back. When mutual friends express concern about Harry, it prompts Draco to seek him out.
Draco is surprised but intrigued by Harry's interest in prophecy and seers, and he finds himself falling for Harry all over again. The only problem is figuring out if Harry could possibly return his feelings.
🧁 >>> Falling Stars, Catching Lightning by daftfear | @13pawns (E, 6.6k, 2015)- Post-war, Magical Tattoos, Symbolism, Flirting, Lust, Banter, UST, Sex
Summary: Draco’s talent and skill as a tattoo artist are without equal, but when Potter comes in asking for a custom piece that’ll take several sessions to complete, Draco finds his abilities and professionalism tested.
🧁 >>> Solder by Oakstone730 (E, 34.5k, 2015)- more tags on AO3
Summary: Seven years ago, Harry disappeared out of Draco and Scorpius's life without a trace after Harry's addictions destroyed his and Draco's marriage. Now, Harry’s back, and Draco wants to believe he’s changed. But Harry isn’t the only one haunted by the past.
🧁 >>> (The Piece) I was Missing All Along by lauren3210 (E, 34.5k, 2015)- Post-war, Flashbacks, Best Friends, Feelings, Idiots in Love, Pining, Heartbreak, Sex, UST, Infidelity against an OC, Engagement, Wedding, Confessions, Meddling Friends, Jealousy, Denial, Confrontations, Angst with a Happy Ending
Summary: Draco and Harry have been flatmates and best friends for years, and Draco thinks life is just perfect that way. But when something comes along and threatens to take all that away, Draco has to decide what it is he really wants, and just how hard he's going to work to get it.
Rare Pairs
🎂 >>> WAGs to Riches by nqdonne (Perciver, E, 8.8k, originally written in 2007)- Non-Magical AU, Reunions, Rugby, Offices, Wooing, Flirting, Getting Together, First Dates, BJs, Sex, Crushes, Fantasies, Humour, Puns
Summary: How the boy Percy had idly daydreamed about in school had ended up one of the country's top rugby players was something Percy left up to bad karma.
🎂 >>> What Pride Doesn’t Know by igrockspock (Perciver, G, 3.7k, 2012)- Getting Together, Coming Out, Canon-Compliant, Misunderstandings, Anxiety, Family, Apologies
Summary: How Percy Weasley came to dance with Oliver Wood at Ginny's wedding is a long story, and he may have forgotten to tell his family a few parts of it -- like how he's gay, and in a relationship with a man.
🎂 >>> A Root So Deep by wook77 (Deamus, E, 13.8k, 2012)- DH Canon Divergence, Hurt/Comfort, Angst, Roommates, mentions of other relationships/hook-ups, Separation, Travelling, Pining , Snogging, BJs, Sex, Miscommunication, Apologies, Getting Together, Falling in Love
Summary: There is an Irish proverb that states, "when the root is deep, there is no need to fear the wind". Seamus is about to learn how deep the root of his friendship with Dean truly is.
🎂 >>> Willing to Be Proved Wrong (Or, How Percy Weasley Fought the Magic of Christmas and Lost) by Eleos (Perciver, M, 5k, 2014)- HBP, Christimas Eve, Leaky Cauldron, Snogging, Reunions, Awkward Flirting, Conversations, Hook-up, Hopeful Ending
Summary: Percy Weasley didn’t believe in fate. He didn't believe in luck, destiny, or serendipity, and he certainly didn't believe in the magic of Christmas. A surprise encounter with Oliver Wood may just change his mind.
🎂 >>> you had time by mixtapestar | @mixtapestar (Perciver, E, 13.2k, 2015)- Post-war, Future-Fic, Reunions, Flashbacks, Friends to Lovers, Roommates, Friendship, Getting Together, Crushes, Misunderstandings, Light Angst, Snogging, Handjobs, Happy Ending
Summary: Oliver isn’t quite sure what convinces him to go back to the Hog’s Head on the 4th anniversary of the Battle of Hogwarts. He had never gone to any of the official celebrations that happened over the past few years, but he knows that Aberforth isn’t one for ceremony. Here he can have a quiet drink to commemorate lives lost and to celebrate what was won without anyone making a big show of things.
What he isn’t expecting is to run into Percy Weasley at the pub.
🎂 >>> Grazed Knees by montparnasse | @montpahrnah (Linny, T, 5.5k, 2015)- EWE, Post-war, Hogwarts, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Snogging, Anxiety, Nightmares, Reassurances, Growing Up, Hopeful Ending
Summary: The war is over, except that it isn't, and Ginny is done fighting, except that she's not.
🎂 >>> A Little Like This by bansheee (Deamus, M, 5.5k, 2016)- more tags on AO3
Summary: “I wish there was a way to practice first,” Dean commented. “Y’know, before the real thing.”
“We could,” Seamus said. “We could practice together.”
Dean balked, and Seamus held up his hands.
“No, no, hear me out,” Seamus’ cheeks flooded with red and Dean felt like his were just as hot. “Ya don’t want a girl to think you’re a shit snog, because she’ll go tell all the other girls, and then you’ll never get another one.”
“But I’m not—” Dean lowered his voice. “You’re my best mate. My best guy mate. I’m not gay.”
🎂 >>> keeping count (losing count) by oliverwvvd | @oliverwvvd (Flintwood, T, 1.2k, 2017)- Kissing, Getting Together, Anxiety, Post-War, Confessions, Falling in Love
Summary: Marcus uses numbers to manage anxiety. He keeps count of their kisses. One day, he slips, and he says the number out loud.
🎂 >>> tied and true by slyther_ing | @mxrcusflint (Flintwood, M, 14.9k, 2017)- AU, Soulmates, Soulbond, Red String of Fate, Pureblood Culture, Expectations, Hogwarts, Enemies to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort, Angst, Feelings, Anxiety, Fear, Quidditch, Hogwarts, Lack of Communication, Misunderstandings, Confessions, Hopeful Ending
Summary: There are two routes of action.
Three, if he were really desperate, but Marcus doesn’t think anyone in history has ever successfully dissolved a soulmate thread before without dire consequences and he’s not willing to die over Oliver fucking Wood.
🎂 >>> Terms and Conditions by maraudersaffair | @maraudersaffair (Luna/Pansy/Ginny, E, 7.7k, 2017)- more tags on AO3
Summary: Pansy can't get over super fit Ginny Weasley. Too bad Weasley is now with Loony sodding Lovegood.
#drarry#drarry squad#deamus#perciver#flintwood#linny#luna/pansy/ginny#hp rare pair#hp multi-ship#multiship#hp fanfic#fic recs#rec lists#spicy#happy birthday#sugareey#sugareey recs things
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Director's Cut! Way Specific Scene.
i really adore the description in this, because it helps me really visualize it--how harry and ginny are positioned relative to one another, how what they're looking at instead of one another reveals how they are feeling.
I am curious, and you need not answer if you would prefer not to, how you were able to craft this, what your process was, because it seems (forgive me if I'm making bold assertions) like a thing that would be difficult to do given what you've mentioned about how visualization is harder for you than it might be for others.
do you, like, do the actions yourself and then capture each movement in words?
thank you so much for both your amazing writing and your willingness to engage beyond the published text--i feel so very blessed by both aspects of the goddess pebblysand. 🌸
Yeah, this is a super interesting question. This paragraph involved... an embarrassing amount of effort lol. I re-drafted it a number of times haha. It's definitely one those where, generally, *I* don't see anything in that description and I would very happily have moved on without it, but I hear @copper-dust's voice in my head being like: "DETAILS! VISUALS!" so I... yield to the voice in my head lol.
I think I've become more aware of my own limitations in the past year and have, as such, made a conscious effort to adapt. It doesn't mean that I'm changing my style, I'm never going to be a "visual" author, but I can make certain adjustments, you know? This scene could have further details on the colour of the grass and the flow of the waves, and the birds in the sky or whatever, but you're going to have to go someone else's fic to find that cause my brain is incapable, haha. Again, we're making lemonade with the lemons we have, here, you know?
That said, I've noticed I find it easier to generally add visuals at the beginning of scenes (this one and the one with Kingsley and the description of his office earlier in the chapter come to mind) because it's a place where I have mental space to remember to add them, as opposed to later when I'm so focused on the action, dialogue, etc. that it a) wouldn't occur to me and b) would distract me and annoy me as a reader lol. So, usually, every time I get to a new location, I try to force myself to describe it the best I can these days. (Ah, all the sacrifices I make for you, visual people 😅)
To answer your question about my process though, in this case, I just stop and think: how would these people sit? And, so: Ginny would be the kind of girl who sits cross-legged with her skirt over her legs because she wants to look at people when she talks to them. Harry - this is going to sound Very Strange, but I have a whole headcanon from a fic I've started working on but not yet published about the fact that he always sits in a way that make it easy for him to get up and run in one swift-motion. So, he always has at least one foot solidly on the ground, which is the case here. But, if he had both knees up (and feet on the ground), his second leg would be a sort of fence between them, he'd be a lot less relaxed and open towards her with both knees pulled up, which we don't want, because this is a scene where they're having a dialogue.
This conundrum honestly did led me at one point to sitting on the floor of my apartment, trying to find a position for him that worked. Sometimes, I think my neighbours probably think I'm totally cray lol. Then, describing as best as I could, adding in distance (3 or 4 feet cause I'm never bloody sure what a fucking foot is, please adopt metres people!) and light from the sun because it's a hot spring day and I wanted to convey that. She's in the shade because she's not Stupid; I headcanon that Harry's skin is on the "darker" side for a white person (a bit like my own, tbh, is that a self-insert? lmao) and that he tans pretty easily, meaning that he likes to think he never gets burnt, although that is totally Not True. I honestly think about these things too much lol.
Then, their looks are, as you said, also a symbol. She is looking at the castle - which she hates - and he is looking at the water. They're both not looking at each other, though their actual body language is very relaxed and open. That's the contrast I wanted to play with, for obvious reasons as this chapter is very ambivalent.
But, honestly, I almost deleted that paragraph before I published cause it bored me. I'm now glad I didn't, haha.
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musing on jotunheim again. as much as i like to talk about the thor movies as self-subverting and critical of imperialism from the beginning (which i stand by, on a thematic level!), the way the jotuns are actually portrayed is uhhh Not Great.
like. recap: they wear very little clothing, they are presented as extremely physically strong and menacing, they have very deep voices and express themselves nonverbally more than asgardians (ie they growl :/), they use ~nature magic~ and blend in with their landscape, they have very strongly distinct facial features from asgardians, and their skin is a bright colour not found among asgardians. this is... looking uncomfortable close to a racial caricature. like if you made the small but vital change of making their skin red instead of blue it would be undeniable. as it stands, it's not quite literally there, but it's got Coding for days.
and on top of that, loki, while he is a twist villain, is definitely portrayed as more sympathetic for having more human features. like... yes, he has fantasy-dwarfism or something like it and is therefore in some ways inherently vulnerable... but his vulnerability is still visually represented through less othered features, which kind of frames the other jotuns as INvulnerable - in comparison to the average asgardian, not just loki himself.
(which is also just... not true. asgardians and jotuns seem to be evenly matched on a physical level. and also the idea that physical strength is the be-all and end-all of power and vulnerability to begin with is Bad. i guess the end corrects this a little: we see jotuns screaming and fleeing the bifrost, frightened, powerless, victimised! but we still only see adult men. loki is the only jotun we see as a child, and we never see a jotun woman. where are the jotuns who aren't warriors or kings?)
also. less important. but. the jotuns do not reflect any existing culture. which, on one hand, is like. great thanks for only putting in a vague racial caricature and not a specific one 👍. but on the other hand. what are you meant to Do. with a human AU loki.
like obviously step one is dialling down the formerly-space racism by a factor of about a hundred lmao. but like even if you do somehow manage to handle his whole deal sensitively... if asgard = scandinavia, what is jotunheim. what IS loki's culture. is he sami? is he white-passing mixed inuit? it's pretty damn significant that jotunheim has its own monarchist + imperialist past and was originally a competitor to asgard, so should he just be, like, a different scandinavian nationality from odin? or maybe russian or something? but then there isn't racism to deal with. potentially some level of linguistic/cultural shame, sure, but no accusations of devil worship, no dehumanisation via race science, etc. nothing quite fits.
or even disregarding AUs, what real-world culture can/should you draw on to flesh out jotunheim, if any? is it inappropriate to do so at all when they're treated SO horrifically and they're also, you know, Blue Fantasy Aliens. or is it erasive to act like scandinavian colonialism is pure fantasy with no real-world implications. OR is it inappropriate to draw on real-world indigenous peoples for a fantasy history that doesn't reflect their actual history very well at all (see above: nothing fits.)
a thought i had recently was that the combination of blue skin, gold body jewellery, and warriors wearing very little clothing actually resembles descriptions of ancient celts (with either tattoos or body paint). and i feel like having some historical basis for jotun warriors, even if it's centuries apart from the viking inspiration of asgard, can maybe slightly improve on what's currently there. but equally, that's still a description from an imperialist (roman) perspective and i'm pretty sure its accuracy is... controversial?
yeah. a conundrum! i have no solutions at present i'm just thinking about it all. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
#space viking tag#i mean at least they aren't as dehumanised as the chitauri#where you can't even really tell if they're meant to be *sapient*#but that's a low fucking bar#also uhhh my own writing. hmm. :/#some level of prejudice against jotunheim often finds its way in bc it's just like. part of the emotional landscape#i do wonder if i should. idk. be more careful about where i use that#restrict it to stories that can actually examine it in some detail#but also. idfk it's just there isn't it.#it's inextricable from the family dynamic and i don't really believe in ignoring the uncomfortable parts of the characters#idk!!! ¯\_(ツ)_/¯#constructive complaining#s: t1#th: ethnicity#th: worldbuilding
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I literally had to sit down on a computer and type this out because I knew my thumbs would not work fast enough on my phone. First of all, both stories: incredible, lovely, amazing, spectacular. I did originally first read ‘Sweet girl’ and immediately put a pause once I saw there was a prequel!!! Told in Daemon’s POV!!! I had to stop, drop and read. I am sucker for one-shots or fics told in the other’s perspective and boy did you do him justice. It truly felt like being in his head and essentially watching a dragon sculk around until he finds his prey. I loved the snippets he has of everyone in his head. His relations to not just the reader but Viserys, Rhaenyra, Sir Cole and Alicent and his constant dislike. He feels very much real and multi-dimensional. I was pretty worried when I saw the daemon/rhaenyra tag on ao3. I was ready to get my heart broken and stepped but I loved how their relationship was handled. I love that the reader is not a replacement but her own person. I love how big sis rhaenyra steps in when she sees what’s going in and is not the ‘you’re stealing my man who’s not my man’ trope but putting her sister first and putting her foot down. Despite rhaenyra being a huge part of the show, the fics I have come across don’t show much of the relationship between her and the OC/reader so it is refreshing to see the love and friendship between them.
AND DON’T EVEN GET ME STARTED ON THE READER HERSELF. I know it’s told from a 2nd POV but the reader feels like a genuine character. She’s so collected and assure of herself. She feels ethereal. Like I understand why Daemon falls hard, how could one not? When I saw that she was called the people’s princess I nearly screamed with joy. She does give princess Diana vibes. I cannot even explain how but you can just feel her warmth, her royalty and sense of self in the writing. When I saw that she was learning Dothraki, again with the squeals. Despite it being prevalent in GoT I have yet to see other fics mention it but too see a reference made me jump with joy. And just the comment of daemon calling it ‘savage’ but her defending the culture despite not being part of it did make me smile. But to top it all off, her relationship with Athfiezar. The running joke of now one being able to pronounce his name but her. The trope of ‘big scary monster hating everyone but her’ again has me in a chokehold. Her stating that he just needed love so she gave it to him had my heart crying tears. I am in love and wold give to see their journey from meeting to him becoming her dragon. And again a small thing but he not using a saddle when riding him its giving Daenerys and ooof what I would give to be able to see Daenery’s thoughts on her ancestor.
In awe, I love your stories and the small world you’ve built and cannot wait to see more to come as the series continues : )
Aaaaaaaaah, thank you for this! Long comments always make me squee in my seat, I love love LOVE looking back over them when I've had a shitty day.
This is gonna sound so shitty, but I tagged 'Daemon/Rhaenyra (past)' on AO3 for a simple reason: traffic. I know, I know, I hate myself too. But it paid off, and I now have a pretty steady stream of readers for my fic verse. Because gevivys (beauty) and dōnus riñus (sweet girl) both dealt with the Rhaenyra/Daemon conundrum, I did think it was ultimately reasonable to tag this also; now that it has been dealt with, any future fics (like this one) will remain firmly untagged with Rhaenyra/Daemon, I can assure you!
Rhaenyra is BAE, hands-down, and I don't know if I want her as my lady-love or my mum, lol. She's a badass MF, and while there is/is going to be some GREAT anti-Rhae-Rhae fics out there in future Reader/OC stories, I couldn't do it. Rhaenyra and Daemon's relationship, while hot, is so fraught and painful in canon, and I wanted to toy with the notion that 'what if they decided it just wasn't worth the suffering? What if they had other goals?' I think it's paying off - though I will be making sure Rhaenyra's life is happier in the wake of Laena's passing, don't worry! And naturally because I friggin' love her I had to include her; given the age-gap between Reader and Rhae, it made sense that she was a weird blurring of lines between mother and sister and friend, and isn't that Targaryen realness, darling?
I'm so so happy you've enjoyed my characterisation of Daemon - I honestly doubt I'm ever going to do an extended fic of just his POV again, as it is so difficult to write as him. I really struggled with the last few chapters of gevivys (beauty) (except the smut lol), and balancing all the different aspects of his character. I will be either writing as Reader or switching off between them; also toying with 'Interludes' from other characters, just to practice some skills and do more world-building. This shit is gonna be as rich as canon, I swear to the gods! He is a creepy 'lil predator searching for his pretty prey, isn't he? And the 'characterisation' re: his relationships with others honestly crept up on me - I didn't realise this had become a narrative until like Chapter 7 of dōnus riñus (sweet girl). I thought there was a nice kind of symmetry to Reader claiming the Cannibal (her grumpy lizard man) and 'claiming' Daemon (her grumpy husband man), both renowned for their temper and violence. I may well end up doing a one-shot in future about her first meeting Athfiezar, but as of yet there are no big plans.
One of the things I am/am going to be tackling in this series is some of the incongruencies of Dany's character in Game of Thrones when compared to the rest of her family. She has several pretty unique qualities that don't really crop up anywhere else in the gene pool, and I thought that I could attempt to ret-con that here with Reader; I won't explain that fully, but I'm sure you can probably guess at my intent here. Let's just say, some of Daenerys's traits are hereditary after all!! For context, I'm going off show canon in that respect; again, won't explain further because I would definitely spoil it. It'll also serve as a bit more of an explanation as to why the Cannibal yielded so readily to 'lil babey Reader when there have been scores of others try and fail to do the same.
Thank you so much for reading - and for this lovely comment! I'm so appreciative of the people who leave such nice words for me to read :)
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Gender/Aesthetic Philosophy Problem bashes Utilitarianism (again) Thanks to Transformers Jokes
Got into a discord joke discussion that went along the lines of minicon are fairies (due to people collecting them in the Unicron Trilogy like assholes) and we replied with:
“be careful, they are fae
they will take your pronouns
and your name
you will wear a crown of cyber keys
and never be seen again on Earth.”
A trans friend suggested she would simply give the minicons fake pronouns and respond to something like "what are your pronouns?" with "same as yours pal."
So we of course had to make the Elita One joke of:
Leader-1: :0 but- but I think I want she pronouns... need to start taking some e for the front of my name...
And thus we have the utilitarian conundrum of would you give up a part of your gender assemblage to help someone else realize theirs? Going to name this the Exchange Actuation Problem.
Move over trolley problem? (No you’re good your were a criticism of utilitarianism thank you Philippa Foot)
Another friend likened it to ‘some form of reconstructive surgery with a donor, but for an intangible concept. On the other hand, in Transformers it's possible to steal a name... so yeah. (laughing emoji)’
Trans friend chimed in again with: “Clothes swaps are about this i think.” and what we think is key: “Just remember for every part of your identity you cast off there’s someone else out there ready and eager to pick that up and add it to themself. one persons trash and all.”
The takeaway here (that we knew) for us is that aesthetic iteration is a continuous process; but what we hadn’t considered is that when we pass things on- signifiers, expression, shape, and so forth- that’s something someone else can still look to and find context in. It is not just your present self that helps people find euphoria- but your past, and trying to imagine your future.
The individual and the community are both important parts of aesthetic experience- find your contentment, and celebrate that we don’t know our full selves, ever- that there is always more to contextualize and realize.
We are going to hold ourselves back from a full-on dive into aesthetics that’s what we write fanfic and orig fic for in part hahaha but there are papers on the subject of gender assemblage and gender as aesthetic out there! We lost access to our computer that had a lot of these files but we will try to dig real hard through the recovered drive stuff someday so we can just post names of articles to go read if you want
#transformers#maccadam#minicons#gender#philosophy#aesthetics#exchange actuation problem#transgender#trans#trans aesthetics#elita one#leader-1#clothes swaps#gender assemblage#aesthetic assemblage#trans community#gender community
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so lately since i’ve been playing runescape a lot and taking a break/not really wanting to draw cause im down with covid, i’ve been feeling a lot of guilt like “udon if you have the time to play runescape, you should be using that time to finish those art prints and draw instead!!!” and because of that it reminded me of other art friends/artists that still draw while sick etc cause they’re working hard and always grinding. So i’m basically comparing myself to other artists.
TL;DR:
- udon feels guilty for playing runescape all day and not using that time to finish art prints/draw (even though shes down sick with covid),
- comparing apples to oranges,
- worrying about what other people think of her because she’s not grinding art as much as other people who do art professionally/full time are,
-needs to stop self sabotaging and learn to value herself more.
my friend then mentioned: if grinding art doesnt make you happy, then you shouldnt do it, it’ll just burn you out.
yes that sentence logically makes sense
but my brain keeps thinking: “ i dont WANT to grind art, but seeing everyone else grind art all the time makes me feel like im not doing ENOUGH and im not GOOD enough and im not working hard enough and that i NEED to be grinding and other grinding artists are gonna look down on me!!!!”
and of course the counter to that is: other artists that ARE grinding are wanting to do art full time/go professional kind of thing and it doesnt make sense to put those standards on myself when im doing art as just a hobby.
WHICH IS SOMETHING I ALREADY KNOW. I’ve told myself so many times that I’m doing art as just a hobby/side thing, and i should not and stop comparing myself to others that are pursuing it full time/professionally. But I can’t stop comparing for whatever reason. Is it because i have a lot of friends/know a lot of artists that are constantly on the grind/pursuing art full time? esp on twitter?
my friend then mentions: 1. they wouldnt look down on u 2. why does their view of you matter to you, like whether or not they look down or look up to you do you really feel that it would change anything
why DOES point #2 matter so much? why do others’ view of me matter so fucking much? (okay yes its only natural to be wary of what others think of me, but why do i let it affect me so much?) I feel like (well rather I KNOW) that i deep down have an inferiority complex (that has continuously gotten worse over the past 2 years i feel due to a certain life event), and i dont want people to look down on me/think badly of me/not doing good enough/not worthy enough. and it’s not even about my art style or wtvr, its about my WORK HABIT/WORK ETHIC/MY OWN IMAGE.
my friend then mentions that there are artists that put out art every day/very frequently, but there are also other artists that posts once in a blue moon, but you wouldn’t think any less of them or think they have a shitty work ethic right?
which makes me realize that yes that is true, i wouldnt think any less of them. and that all this conundrum and worrying is just me doing mental gymnastics voluntarily and self-sabotaging and creating all these problems that aren’t even there, thanks to my inferiority complex and worry about what people think of me. in turn making me feel art is making me feel suffocated cause im not having fun doing it anymore thanks to all that ^
all in all: I’m basing my worth on what other people think of me. And i need to stop that. for real. i’ve always just drew whatever i wanted and whenever i wanted (though definitely more frequently in my younger years) and i still do! . I need to just... enjoy drawing because i want to draw, not because i’m worried that if i dont im gonna look bad for not grinding all the damn time. I have a full time job outside of art. i also need to stop being so hard on myself and value myself more? and i guess, love myself more lol
#personal#not really sad post more like a... self reflection post#i have clarity for now but i hope this clarity will last
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Dental Conundrum (a problem-solving writing exercise)
Susie didn't have insurance, but she did have a plan she was excited about. In an act of self-care, she was going to get some long overdue dental work done. Maybe then she would no longer have to hear people tell her she should smile more.
Susie begins by shopping around a dentist with good customer reviews/ratings for a reasonable price. She finds one office that charges $300 for X-rays and initial exam, not including any interventions.
She thinks to herself, 'If it costs that much for them to tell me what is wrong, how much does the actual dental work cost?'
She doesn't know because they will not tell her until she pays $300.
She tells them, "I am not looking to get out of paying for the work, in fact I have a plan. I was going to go to the bank and take out a loan for the amount I needed to get everything done at once."
They tell her they cannot help her without the money up front.
Susie seeks clarification. "So, unless I pay $300, I will not be able to find out how much it's going to cost?"
The receptionist apologizes and repeats the same basic series of words involving a $300 payment up front.
Susie understood that they wanted and needed payment for services rendered, but all she wanted was an estimate so she could move forward with her plan. She didn't understand how they had so suddenly reached such an impasse.
Susie says thank you and excuses herself from the conversation. She leaves the office with no clear answer.
It seems Susie has been completely derailed in the first step of her exciting plan; the actual planning phase. Feeling defeated, Susie goes home and tries to make sense of what just happened.
_____________________________________________________
If I were Susie, I would begin breaking down this strange conundrum. Initially, it is problematic that I am in a 'deadlock' with no compromise in sight. I am legitimately confused and depressed about this outcome, or lack thereof. It is probably needless to say, but if I were Susie, the initial excitement I once had has left the room.
So, how does this cash-pay system usually work? In the past, I have always had insurance when I needed to see a dentist. So I never looked into the different methods of payment. I just blindly and ignorantly paid my co-pay.
Is this an accurate representation of the situation I have found myself in? I do not want to use faulty logic when formulating a plan/solution.
I am not a mathematical whiz, but I loved solving geometric proofs in school, so I will try to break this down into logical steps as best as my brain will allow.
-If I were to check with 3 more dentists who have similar cash-pay policies, according to my calculations, I would be out more than a thousand dollars before even getting a tooth cleaned.
-Exercising due diligence, if I was shopping around, I would check with a few different places to get estimates. Isn't this logically how one would go about making an expensive purchase?
-The last time I checked, dental work (per tooth) can quickly run into the thousands of dollars. I would consider that an expensive purchase.
-Since I am looking to take out a loan for dental work, one could assume that I don't have a lot of money just lying around.
-Under the above assumption, would it make sense that I would have $300 that I could easily part with? Hint: The answer here is "NO".
This seems like a no-solution problem based on the information I have, but I will dive a little deeper.
-If I wanted to buy a car, a dealership using similar twisted logic would charge me for a test drive. They might even charge me for the privilege of looking around the show room. But how do I know I want it without seeing it or driving it?
-Maybe I want to buy a home, would the realtor then charge me to look at available houses? I suppose in this case it would be financially wise to already know exactly what I want before showing up. But if I knew that, why would I pay a realtor?
In what other situation would someone only tell me how much something costs after I first pay them hundreds of dollars. The few examples I can think of are mostly illegal or unethical.
Now I will simplify the above situation into a dialogue; just to be certain my logic isn't flawed. Would this conversation sound ridiculous if it were involving something else?
Me- I am going to the bank to take out a loan to give you a large amount of money. How much do I need to get?
Other person- I can't tell you that.
Me- I want to give you money for your services, how much do I need to bring you?
Other person- Give me $300 and I will tell you how much it costs.
Me- Does the $300 go towards the overall cost?
Other person- No. It is just so I can tell you how much it costs and what you need.
Me- I already know what I need. I need you to tell me how much it costs.
Other person- I can't tell you how much it costs without the money up front.
Me- So I pay you to tell me how much it costs?
Other person- Yes.
Me- One of us does not understand this conversation. I will make a purchase somewhere else.
Other person- Good luck to you!
Yes, I have concluded that it sounds ridiculous. This isn't an exaggeration. It is an almost verbatim conversation I had with another person. I am still confused by the cash pay system, and now my brain hurts (wait, who's on first)?
As if the state of poverty itself isn't bad enough, I am reminded of how it seems poor people are punished for being poor. In what reality does this make sense? I could start a discussion about credit cards, missed payments and interest rates, but that is a topic for another brain exercise. This is not a political discussion, nor is it anti-dentist. It is simply a written version of ways my brain tries to make sense of a world that often doesn't make sense; sometimes using flawed logic (because it is all that is available at the time).
#Dental conundrum#problem solving exercise#thought and writing exercise#you should smile more#when logic doesn't make sense
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9/21/2023: Hatred
I hate everything about myself, but I also don't want to keep living like this, so...it's a conundrum. When you hate yourself, you don't want to improve because you don't think you deserve it. However, I'm also sick of living this shitty life. I say that I want to die, but not really. I just want my life to finally get better.
I don't know how to balance the two. How do you hate yourself while still being happy? lmao. It's impossible. If you hate yourself, you don't want to be happy...well, you do, but you keep sabotaging yourself. I don't deserve happiness.
A couple of events that happened in the past year and a half just compounded my self-hatred. Reminding me, yet again, of all the things that I hate about myself. And I didn't need the reminder!
The only progress I've made on this is finally facing the depths of my self-hatred. It doesn't have a bottom, it just goes on forever, but at least I'm acknowledging it and not running from it (as much.)
I don't even know what it's like not to hate myself for existing. Must be nice for people (like my POS sister) who live thinking they're great at everything and the world owes THEM.
Thanks for reading,
🔥
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Should WoW Players be Accountable for Accountability for Players?
Since the beginning, Blizzard has maintained the same policy for reporting players. If you encounter problems with a player, must report them. Blizzard will reach out to thank you for reporting the issue, but it does not provide any information about what it did to fix it. This is something that I have always known. In all the years that I worked in customer service and call center jobs on and off, the first rule was that you couldn't communicate with anyone else than the account holder concerning the status of the account. To me, the Blizzard policy is a continuation of the same treatment. Blizzard cannot tell you about actions that were taken against another player's account since the account isn't theirs You know? It's private information.
In the past, I've been able to report a number of players in the past, and I never really knew whether actions were taken against these players or not. INFO Simple violations of names, like inappropriate characters or guild names, were easy to spot. The guild or the player could have their name changed and I could tell if there was any action taken. You don't know what they've been told in the case of player harassment. It is only a matter of hope that the harasser ceases harassing you and will end but there aren't guarantees.
Pugnacious Priest made an interesting post about player reporting and complaints, specifically in the League of Legends universe. Evidently, League of Legends is doing something wholly strange in the world of gaming -it is taking these reported cases and letting the players decide if there's something that should be accountable for or not. Pugnacious Priest takes this one step further and asks whether this is the type of system that could be used in WoW some day.
WoW has had its moments of jerks throughout the years, whether it was people who stole gear, players who deliberately caused drama, players who utilized GearScore to gauge another player's legitimacy, or players who used Recount to smear higher DPS numbers in other players' faces - the list goes on and on. WoW has had its fair share of untrustworthy players who simply want to make someone's life miserable.
What's strange, however the concept of player accountability isn't one that is foreign to WoW. Vanilla had players on various servers, and each had a tight-knit community. One thing you could count on from these servers was that, like any small town there was a lot of conversation. If someone did something reprehensible to the server as a whole the person was immediately removed from guilds, raids, instance runs and anything else that could be considered to be as a social event. In other words they were disregarded -- and at the time you weren't able to pay to change your name or move servers. You could either amend your mistake and try to correct the error or begin on a new server at level 1.
This odd little watchdog system for WoW is almost gone. The potential audience that the Dungeon Finder and Raid Finder systems draw from is huge. There is virtually no chance of encountering an offensive player more times than once. Why should you? You're not going to visit them again.
It's a bit odd on the one side. It allows you to draw from an increased number of players and you won't be the same offender or a person who is extremely harassing. However, this system inadvertently lets players indulge in inappropriate behavior and grants them the freedom to be an annoyance whenever and wherever they see fit. Why is that? It's not like anybody will bother to report them.
This is one of those odd little conundrums that doesn't really have an easy answer. Do we give up the flexibility and convenience of things such as the Raid Finder and the Dungeon Finder to be able to return into that state of self-policing again? Do we just throw up our hands and let the offensive players continue to be offensive? Pugnacious Priest asked whether we should create a system similar to LoL and let players decide for themselves which is the right or wrong.
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Accepting Awkwardness
“You’re sweet you know,” a friend of mine said, “I like that awkward nature of yours.”
I smiled.
Then I thought, “Aye-yup, people still think I’m awkward, and I don’t want people to think I’m awkward.” This thought was rather negative and unhelpful.
Later, he told me it’s a friendly tease, and “I’m incredibly awkward, so it’s not like I’m calling you out for it.” He said that he finds the “awkward people can also be the most interesting and humbling people you can know.”
I told him “thank you for helping me look at awkwardness in a different way.” I thought I ought to to consult my friend Google for more advice on how to accept awkwardness. I am sharing what I found along with some thoughts I had along the way.
(Note: quotes have been used with general permission to quote the speaker.)
I found six interesting sources to share about accepting awkwardness and being less self-conscious.
1. This article is about why socially awkward introverts make the best friends. It says that socially awkward introverts tend to be perceptive, sincere, empathetic, and loyal. For the link, click here: Why Socially Awkward Introverts Make the Best Friends
2. This article says that awkwardness is okay as long as it doesn’t get in the way. It occurred to me that a lot of things are okay if they don’t get in the way! Click here: Socially Awkward: Why It’s Not So Bad.
3. I also found a helpful TEDx talk about embracing awkwardness and rolling with it. The speaker did some beautifully awkward dancing. Click here: Embracing Awkwardness | Richard Kuo | TEDxYouth@CityOfIndustry,
I found few sources on how to accept awkwardness, so I looked up, “How to be less self-conscious.”
4. I found this video about using mindfulness to focus on what you are doing rather than focusing on what others think of you. Click here The Cure For Self Consciousness (weird technique)
I read articles about how to be less self-conscious but became bored with them because most of the articles said that you don’t need to be self conscious because no one is thinking about you anyway, they’re thinking about themselves. These articles said or implied that you shouldn’t worry about what other people think of you.
While people do tend to think more about themselves, the social thinking model says that if you do something unexpected, people will think about you. This model says that if we literally never thought about what other people thought of us, the social world wouldn’t have much order to it. We have to think about what others think about us to have good social skills. (Here is a link for social thinking here: https://www.socialthinking.com/ )
It’s a conundrum, because if you never think about what others think of you, you won’t have good social skills. However, if you worry too much about what others think of you, you’ll be too shy to have good social skills.
Maybe it’s like driving. When you drive a car, you have to think about what the other drivers are planning to do and adjust your behavior accordingly. However, you don’t have to worry your head off about what they are planning to do. So, maybe we should think about what others think of us but not worry about what they think of us.
Next I googled, “How to be less shy and improve social skills.”
5. I found an article that suggested being curious about the other person rather than thinking about yourself. It also suggests assigning yourself a social role to focus on. This seems like a good balance of what to focus on.
https://www.headspace.com/stress/how-to-be-less-shy
6. Also, this article says to think of awkwardness as a good sign that you are pushing yourself past the edges of your social comfort zone. That’s a helpful reframing idea. https://collegeinfogeek.com/social-skills/
I decided six sources of inspiration is enough for now.
So, to summarize the above articles and videos about how to accept one’s awkwardness, awkward people often have other helpful friendship-building traits, awkwardness is not bad until it gets in the person’s way, and it helps to roll with the awkwardness. You can be less self-conscious by focusing on what you are doing, being curious about the other person, or giving yourself a social role. If you look back on an awkward situation, you can feel good about yourself for putting yourself out of your comfort zone. Additionally, my own thought was to think about what other people think without worrying about what they think.
I hope the tips in these sources help you as much as they helped me.
Happy Awkwardness,
Julia
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