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nellasbookplanet · 2 months

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Book recs: Queer fantasy, part 1

A note: queer here does not necessarily mean “guarantee of an f/f or m/m ship with a happy ending”, but rather simply a significant presence of queerness. Some of the books feature no romance but has a same gender attracted/trans/a-spectrum lead, or features an m/f relationship with bisexual, trans or aro/ace characters, or simply features a world-building which is heavily queer inclusive in ways that don’t always compare to our own ideas of sexuality and gender. I have however disqualified works where the only queer presence is along the lines of “gay best friend” or a blink and you’ll miss it confirmation that never comes up again.

For queer sci-fi recs, click here! For a masterpost of book rec lists, click here! For more details on the books recommended here, continue under the readmore. Titles marked with * are my personal favorites!

The Spear Cuts Through Water by Simon Jimenez*

AKA the book the killed me. Two boys travel throughout their land with the body of a god as her horrible, horrible children try to hunt them down. It’s hard to explain more than that, but trust me when I say the narrative voice and literary techniques are incredibly unique in how they blend past and present, reality and story, lead and bystander. Truly an experience. Features an m/m romance.

The Unbroken (Magic of the Lost series) by C.L. Clark*

Tourraine, who was stolen as a child and trained as a soldier for the empire that conquered her home, is recruited by Luka, the future leader of the conquering country, to root out a rebellion. A game of twisted loyalties and attraction is soon to develop as the two must decide where their priorities lie: with each other, or with their respective countries and people.

Sing the Four Quarters (Quarters series) by Tanya Huff*

Though a royal by birth, princess Annice renounced her throne to become a bard, a musician who through training can Sing elemental spirits to do their bidding. Ten years later, she goes on the run for two counts of treason, first by imperiling the succession order by becoming pregnant, second by helping her ex, and the father of her child, escape the palace dungeons and a death sentence. Bisexual lead in an f/f relationship. When I first read this book I described it as, and I quote, 'a fucking delight', and I stand by that.

The Unspoken Name (The Serpent Gates duology) by C.L. Clark*

The sort of portal fantasy you get when all the worlds connected by portals are fantasy worlds, and none of them are ours. The portals themselves become simply a part of the worldbuilding that the characters use to travel between fascinating places, and it’s all really cool. It follows Csorwe (lesbian orc assassin whom I love), who grew up in a cult, indoctrinated as a child sacrifice to a god. But on the day she was meant to die, she instead chose to follow a powerful wizard and train to become his loyal servant and sword. Aside from being an excellent fantasy, it’s also a close look at the hard path of unlearning indoctrination and the search for love and validation where you’ll never find it, and learning to live for yourself. Multiple queer leads.

The Jasmine Throne (The Burning Kingdoms series) by Tasha Suri

A princess held captive by her own brother, who wants to see her dead, tries to trick a servant into helping her escape, but with undeniable attraction growing between them and the servant having her own goals of liberation things quickly get complicated, both between them and in the country at large as rebellion and dangerous magic brews. Sapphic romance.

The Priory of the Orange Tree (The Roots of Chaos duology) by Samantha Shannon

Queen Sabran's lineage has protected the country of Inys from dragons for a thousand years, but now the safety of their land is threatened as Sabran is yet to conceive and assassins are closing in. Lady-in-waiting Ead is secretly part of a society of hidden mages, and is using her position to protect her queen. Meanwhile, on the other side of the sea, dragonrider Tané is faced with an impossible choice. The fates of all three are intertwined as they attempt to stop the rise of a great dragon. 800+ page epic fantasy. Sapphic romance.

The Raven and the Reindeer by T. Kingfisher*

Young adult, fairy tale retelling of the Snow Queen. When Gerta's friend Kai is stolen away by the evil Snow Queen, Gerta must depart on a mission to save him. On the way, she encounters, among others, a talking raven and a pretty robber girl who become her allies. Sapphic romance.

The Rise of Kyoshi (Kyoshi duology) by F.C. Yee*

Young adult. Set in the Avatar universe, but aimed at an older audience than the animated series. Though she will one day be one of the most well-known avatars of the land, for now, young Kyoshi is but a humble girl who has yet to find out her true destiny as the bender of all four elements and keeper of balance of her world. When betrayal strikes and a dear friend is lost, Kyoshi goes on the run alongside fiesty firebender Rangi to find out the truth of her destiny and power. Sapphic romance.

Legends & Lattes (Legends & Lattes series) by Travis Baldree

Viv is tired of adventures and bloodshed - now she wants a peaceful life, and decides to go after it by opening a café. But going from warrior to small business owner is easier said than done, especially when Viv's old life comes knocking. Best described as a cozy fantasy, with a largely low-stakes but heartwarming plot and a sapphic romance.

Phoenix Extravagant by Yoon Ha Lee

Gyen Jebi is an artist, but making a living is difficult. When offered a job by the Ministry of Armor to paint the magical sigils that animate their automaton soldiers, they have little choice but to accept. But as Jebi sees the dark depths of the government, especially the shocking source of their magical paint, they must find a way to resist. Perhaps by freeing the Ministry's mighty automaton dragon... Nonbinary main character.

Crier's War by Nina Varela

Young adult. Who says sci-fi has monopoly on robots? In Crier’s War, artificially created automae have defeated and subjugated humans, who live as second class citizens. Young Ayla goes undercover as a servant, meaning to assassinate automae girl and Sovereign’s daughter Crier. This would be easier if the two weren’t quick to develop feelings for each other.

Black Sun (Between Earth and Sky trilogy) by Rebecca Roanhorse

In a pre-columbian inspired world, sea captain Xiala, gifted with an unusual connection to the sea, travels with a mysterious scarred and blind passenger toward a dangerous goal as prophecy heralds the return of a god. Features among others bisexual and nonbinary leads.

The Fifth Season by N.K. Jemisin*

In a world regularly torn apart by natural disasters, a big one finally strikes and society as we know it falls, leaving people floundering to survive in a post apocalyptic world, its secrets and past to be slowly revealed. We follow a mother as she races through this world to find and save her daughter, stolen away by a father who just murdered their son after having discovered a terrible secret of their family. Does feature multiple queer characters and a main polyam relationship, but DO NOT read this expecting happy queer relationships as this series handles many dark subjects (you should still read it though, it's incredibly good).

In Other Lands by Sarah Rees Brennan*

Young adult. Kids who can walk between our world and a magical one get recruited into a magical school that trains them to be either fighters or diplomats. Our lead decides that fighting is stupid and that he’s going to peacefully solve every conflict ever, all while being the most delightfully obnoxious little brat possible and getting involved in the most bisexual love triangle imaginable. Very good, funny, and heart-felt coming of age story.

Our Bloody Pearl D.N. Bryn

A siren who’s been held captive by a pirate is freed, but too injured to survive on their own as their tail has become paralyzed. Another pirate captain decides to help them out and has to work to win their trust. Fairly fluffy and light on world-building and plot (though there is a bit of a revenge story in there), with a focus on character and recovery. m/nb romance with an asexual love interest.

A Master of Djinn by P. Djélí Clark

Set in an alternate 1910’s steampunk Cairo, where djinn and other creatures live alongside humans. We get to follow an investigator as she races to catch a criminal using a powerful object to control djinn and stir unrest. Fantastically creative and fresh, and also features a buddy cop dynamic between two female leads as well as a sapphic romance.

Black Water Sister by Zen Cho*

As a toddler, Jessamyn Teoh left Malaysia. Now a young adult, she’s broke, closeted, and moving back. There she’s faced with the ghost of her estranged grandmother, Ah Ma, who was a medium and avatar of the deity the Black Water Sister in life. Now she demands Jess' help in exacting revenge against a gang boss that offended her god. Meanwhile, all Jess wants is to get her life back on track.

Heaven Official's Blessing (Heaven Official's Blessing series) by Mo Xiang Tong Xiu

Once, Xie Lian was the beloved crown prince of a kingdom. Then he rose to godhood at a young age, and was expected to take a step back from his land and his people, but in his inability to do so ended up losing everything. Now, eight hundred years later, Xie Lian has ascended to godhood for a third time, forgotten by mortals and the laughing stock of Heaven. Trying to rebuild his reputation, Xie Lian sets off on a mission, and on it encounters an infamous demon king who inspires fear in all of heaven. M/M romance.

Jane, Unlimited by Kristin Cashore*

Young Adult. Jane is invited by an old acquaintance to an extravagant gala in an island mansion, stranding her among the rich and glamorous. But being surrounded by rich people is the least of Jane’s problems: the mansion is housing secrets, some of them tied to Jane’s own family. The mansion offers her five choices, all of them leading her down different paths and different answers. Jane, Unlimited is a choose-your-own adventure story of sorts, featuring five different endings in five different genres, each more off the wall bonkers than the next. It also features a bisexual main character!

Every Heart a Doorway (Wayward Children series) by Seanan McGuire*

A tumblr favorite, the Wayward Children novellas feature a school open to children who have returned from adventures in other realms and now have trouble adapting back to regular life. Some installments are set in our world, others follow children as they have their otherworldly adventures. The main characters vary between books, but are generally pretty diverse with among others asexual, trans, intersexual and sapphic leads. Both funny and dark, it takes a closer look at the trauma many endure growing up different.

The Starless Sea by Erin Morgenstern*

Surreal and fairy tale-esque, The Starless Sea is stories within a story, following graduate student Zachary as he finds a strange book which, in-between other tales, tells a story from his own childhood. Trying to find out how this came to be, Zachary gets involved with a pink-haired woman and a handsome man who are doing their utmost to protect a strange, otherworldly library available only through magical doors. It’s a book hard to put in words, but which I once described as “romantic without being a romance while stile having a love story at it’s core”, and which can be summed up only as “an Experience”. It’s also quite gay!

Not Even Bones by Rebecca Schaeffer*

Young adult. Nita isn’t a murderer - technically. She just dissects the bodies of supernatural beings her mother brings home and sells for parts on the black market. But when her mother brings home a still living victim, Nita has had enough and frees him. As it turns out, no good deed goes unpunished as Nita is betrayed, her own nature as a supernatural entity outed as she’s kidnapped and placed behind bars. Now she must find a way to escape before she's sold for parts. Features two aroace leads and a queerplatonic relationship, though it isn’t made textual until book 3 and briefly masquerades as a romance, which is pretty hilarious.

The Last Sun (The Tarot Sequence) by K.D. Edwards

Urban fantasy. Rune Saint John is the only survivor of the massacre against the Sun Court years prior. Now he’s been hired by Lady Judgement to find her missing son, Addam. Alongside his companion and bodyguard Brand, Rune goes on to question Addam's family and business contacts all over New Atlantis, island city and home of the Atlanteans after their original home was destroyed by ordinary humans. But the more he digs, the more Rune finds clues that Addam's absence is connected to Rune's own tragic past. M/M romance.

Gossamer Axe by Gael Baudino

Centuries ago in Ireland, Chairiste Ní Cummen was trained in the secrets of music and magic. But her pride was her downfall, trapping her and her lover in the land of the Sidh. Only Chairiste escaped, hoping to one day win her lover's freedom in musical battle with the fairy that holds her captive. Now she is Christa Cruitare, harp teacher in the modern world and all but resigned to her loss. Until she comes across a great new music: heavy metal. Taking one last chance to win her lover's freedom, Christa sets out to gather other skilled musicians and bring them with her in her final battle. Sapphic romance.

Bonus AKA I haven't read these yet but they seem really cool

Pantomime (Micah Grey trilogy) by Laura Lam

Young adult. On the surface, Gene's life is that of a noble debutante. In reality, she has secrets: she's both male and female, and has magical abilities that hasn’t been seen in an age. In the face of a betrayal from her parents, Gene runs away from home, dresses up as a boy, and joins a circus. Intersex main character.

Ghost Walk by Kay Solo

Maaya Sahni can see ghosts, and does her best to survive in her small isolated town by keeping her head down. But when an entire street full of people is spirited away by faceless specters that scares even ghosts, Maaya must find a way to stop the specters. Lesbian main character.

Swordspoint (Riverside series) by Ellen Kushner

In Riverside, duels are the way to settle disputes, and Richard St. Vier is the undisputed master of the sword - at least until a death is met not with awe but with outrage. M/M romance.

#nella talks books #I'm almost done with the fae rec list too! it should go up some time next week #after that maybe part 2 of queer sf

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prokopetz · 2 years

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Bad: Dungeons & Dragons style fantasy settings where the profession of “adventurer” is part of an eternal status quo and has established guilds with unbroken thousand-year histories

Also bad: Dungeons & Dragons style fantasy settings where the profession of “adventurer” has no discernible societal presence or impact and it’s genuinely unclear whether the player characters are the only ones doing it.

Good: Dungeons & Dragons style fantasy settings where the profession of “adventurer” evolved as a cultural reaction to some outside-context crisis, ideally one that occurred at least five and no more than ten years ago, and everyone who understands what’s really going on is pretty sure these unhinged weirdos are going to blow up the world.

#gaming #tabletop roleplaying #tabletop rpgs #dungeons & dragons #d&d #worldbuilding

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yandere-daydreams · 3 days

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idk if u watch dungeon meshi but what are ur thots on laios? :3

overwhelmingly positive but i will try to make him unforgivably vile nonetheless!

but actually i do genuinely think he's too kind/oblivious to ever be intentionally cruel, even as a yandere, so much of his more obsessive traits would have to come out as an,,, vice-like fixation on his darling, reinforced by both circumstance and the people around him. he knows it's a little unconventional to want to know literally everything about you, down to your blood type and how many times you inhale per minute, and while he doesn't come out and say he's been collecting the discarded hair from your brush for weeks, he's not incredibly good at hiding it, either. still, by the time you catch on, it's likely that you'll already be a part of his adventuring party, already underneath several thousand tons of stone with a group of less than ten people who've all known laios months (or in some cases, years) longer than they've known you. you can't put distance between yourself and him, not without risking your life, and even the most sympathetic of your party members are bound to encourage you to look the other way, to be empathetic, or put less kindly, keep your mouth shut and keep the peace until you reach the surface. it's not exactly the worst situation to be stuck in, but you are stuck, and finding another party to join is going to be difficult on such short notice, on such an over-crowded island. all you can really do is keep the other party members stay between you and hope nothing happens that would give him the opportunity to suggest sharing a bedroll </3

#personal #anon ask #yandere #yandere laois #yandere dungeon mehsi

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scaly-freaks · 1 month

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Wrote this on a whim. I don't know what it is exactly, but it IS Feyd-Rautha so be aware there is violence and bodily harm.

The Fremen language rolls down the back of the throat like honeydew on silk. It is a vat of unspoken secrets, a hiss in the dark, a revelation. When they cry out for their false messiah, the lie turns holy.

Spoken on the Planet of Giedi Prime, the honey turns to amber, and she is a fly trapped at its centre, forced to experience her own disintegration.

Last night, Feyd gave her a music box.

She lay curled up in a puddle of her own piss, and thought how wasteful. A stillsuit would have made much better use of it. But when the liquid crept across the floor and touched the burns on her face, her flesh cooled. She might have imagined that part. After all, when she awoke this morning, the burns were as red and as mangled as they were when Feyd-Rautha first struck them into her flesh in front of his entire family.

He left the music box beside her head.

Inside, were her mother's teeth.

He did not kill her mother. Her mother died ten years ago. But he killed her father, who carried her mother's teeth in a pouch around his neck. They were his lucky charm, he used to say, his deliverance. She'd wonder if he ever kissed them, just to remind himself what it felt like to kiss his wife all those years ago, to run his tongue over her pearly teeth and feel her laughter bubble against his lips.

Teeth are an intimate gift.

"Wakey-wakey, Fremen mouse." His voice is guttural, a corpse dragged across gravel, each word slick behind blackened teeth.

She saw him bite a chunk out of one of the Baron's hairless boys and the wound was edged with the same ebony that drips from his saliva. There was no blood. Just black, greased like tar and infected. In her worst moments, when the hallucinations have her gripped by the throat, she sees a black hole grow in his mouth, beckoning.

When her answer to his whistle is not forthcoming, his boot presses into her soft, unblemished cheek. The pressure of it forces the burns on the other to scream in protest against the dungeon floor. It looks smooth and polished, but as with everything on Giedi Prime, the potential for pain is woven in like veins through marble. The texture of it is like a hundred thousand tiny shards of glass, and her ruined skin feels the scrape of each one.

"You did not like my gift?"

"I adored your gift."

"Why have you not opened it?"

"I did not think my hands were worthy."

He pushes his boot down harder and a prolonged keen of pain is finally yanked from her bruised ribs. Rabban is easier to fool. Feyd sniffs out insult like a shark to blood. Her injuries are proof.

"You still have fight in you."

"If I lost it, I would no longer have the pleasure of your visits, my lord."

He digs his heel into the underside of her cheekbone and the agony threatens to blind her. Drool slips from her open mouth and blends in with the piss just inches away. She pictures tearing off her flesh and flames swallowing her in one fell swoop, burning too hot and too quick to cause pain. She would chew off her own tongue to end it if she could, but who would care for her mother's teeth?

"Then I will visit you again, sayyadina." The honey of the Fremen language turns to mockery and acid on Feyd-Rautha's tongue, an acerbic jumble of syllables that burn just as horribly when they fall onto her ears. "You will crumble like sand between my fingers. And you will become as they are, just another pet."

They.

The Harpies, cannibalistic and violent, eyes blank, mouths leering.

One of them draws forward, prepared with a knife, as she has done every night Feyd has come to visit. It feels like the worst of the punishment. She tenses, shivering like a leaf, and cannot form the words to beg him for this one thing and prove him right -

That she is breakable.

Please don't cut my hair. My father loved my hair.

The harpy gathers it into her pale fist and lifts the blade high. Just before it falls, Feyd's hand rises, a single finger held out in command. His pet cocks her head, a mewl caught in the back of her throat. They are soft with him, curious as pups. She wonders who they were when their lives had meaning and their names tasted sweet on their parents' tongues.

He signals for the harpy to drop her hair and the woman accedes without question. He reaches down to lift the lid of the music box, the teeth inside gleaming like pearls in the pallid light, and then steps over his captive's body to leave.

A soft, whirling rush follows as the harpies scurry in his wake.

Her minds falls silent again.

#feyd rautha #feyd x reader #feyd x you #house harkonnen #dune fanfiction #drabble #dune movie #dune part two #scalyfreakswrites

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formosusiniquis · 9 months

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when you're fifteen

Even as he hands over the platter of chocolate chip miracles he makes, Steve sighs. It's a full bodied affair that makes Eddie nervous on instinct. "We need to talk about Mike."

It is and isn't a surprise.

Steve Harrington/Eddie Munson; Steve Harrington & Mike Wheeler WC: 4044 | Rated T | Tags/Themes: Good Babysitter Steve, Period Atypical Depictions of DnD, HoH!Steve, Disabled!Eddie Ao3

Eddie prided himself on his ability to manage a table. A forever DM, four years into a lifetime sentence, he can keep a story on track and, more importantly, keep tempers in check for hours at a time.

He kept track of a thousand little details across notebooks, binders, and just trapped in his own brain. He knew everything about his NPCs, the world, his player’s characters, and the things that drove his players nuts. He had plans, backup plans, and vague ideas of shit he could do if things went completely and totally off the rails despite all of those plans. That was one of the things he held fast on his tongue the first time he failed senior year. Of course he didn’t pass. He’d taken on the mantle of Dungeon Master. He had to put together a story that took into account: Jeff’s high stakes backstory with the missing mother and bounty on his head, Gareth’s need to flirt with anything age appropriate that had a pulse, and Joey’s tactical mind when it comes to battle. Wasn’t it enough that he was going to class, he had to do shit at home about it too?

He didn’t like saying it. He liked to bitch about it a lot, actually. Eddie wasn’t really sure what he’d do with himself if he wasn’t The DM. It was like a core part of his identity.

It made the current situation he was in more world rocking than he really wanted to deal with.

He liked to think, if he couldn’t feel the remaining muscles in his side screaming in agony because he was sitting wrong -- or for too long or both -- and if his lower back wasn’t seizing and spasming for the same or maybe a brand new reason it had decided to come up with today, that he’d be able to manage this table just as well as he always had. Eight really wasn’t that different from three.

Except that combat is impossible to manage, each round took forever and that’s when everyone was paying attention. Except that there hasn’t been a satisfying story moment for Jeffrey the Jovial or Dustin’s Sir Rathington in the last four sessions. Except that Erica has been scribbling something in her notebook that probably wasn’t campaign notes since she hadn’t called him on the plot hole he caught session planning a month ago and hasn’t been able to fix -- and is more likely to have something to do with the way he noticed her looking at Uhura and Chapel when she was watching Star Trek reruns with Steve.

Except that Mike has been screaming at Dustin and Lucas for the better part of five minutes and Eddie really isn’t sure how to fix it.

“The plan is stupid. Did you even spend more than ten seconds thinking about it or did you decide that Will could just roll another character and we could save the resources.”

“Will could roll another character. It's not the first time he's rolled another character.” Lucas points out for what might be the third time, Eddie’s lost count.

“This whole thing is about resources, Mike.” Dustin snaps, “We’ll all be rolling new characters if we go into this stupid fucking fight while Gareth has no spell slots, Lucas is down to three arrows, Joey’s already used his second wind, and half the party is below half health.”

“It doesn’t matter, if we don’t go into the fight now Will is going to turn into some bloodsucking vampire spawn.”

Eddie knows this is the point that he should grab the reins again. He should prompt one of them to make a decision, or better yet, take the decision away from them entirely. But there’s a numbness in his thigh that has somehow spread to his mouth; it’s different from the pain the rest of his body is in, not really better or worse, and just as distracting.

The rest of the table is quiet, boredom and annoyance plain on their faces. But they’ve also stopped looking to him to fix the problem. That’s the worst thing the Upside Down took from him, he thinks, even as his body is radiating pain from places he used to be able to forget he had.

“Or maybe it’s a trap,” Lucas points out. And it should be, but Lucas is a far better tactician than Eddie who already knows he won’t want to deal with the work it would take to do that well. “Y’know since you made all your weak spots pretty clear to Lord Ellias.”

“Or,” Dustin drawls out with a Harrington’s level of bitch and ire, “we could trust Eddie to turn this into a fucking story moment.”

“You guys are both so full of shit, just-” Mike has his nose curled and lip snarled, Eddie can feel the breeze of the blade swinging down to deliver the death blow to this campaign and adventuring party.

“Alright time to take a break.” Steve claps his hands, an angel come from on high to save Eddie. “Get up, get a snack, move your feet. Give my dining room some time to air out before it smells like nerd forever.”

Mike turns the full weight of his aggression on to Steve, who hopefully has a damage immunity or advantage on saves at the very least otherwise this is looking like a short talk, “We can't just take a break. Do you not get what the stakes are here? We've got to save-”

“Save someone who will still be in danger in twenty minutes.” Steve steamrolls over Mike’s argument with an unaffected ease. Eddie can feel the mood of the table lift just a bit, now that they’re about to be rescued.

“You just don't get it.”

“I get that it's pretend.” In a pre-Vencapocalypse world that would have been enough to get Eddie fighting on Little Wheeler’s side, but much as DnD is still his life. Fuck, it is all just pretend. “Go take a lap.”

“Ugh why do we even come over here. We could do this at my house without washed up jocks interrupting us.” Mike says but he gets up. Storming off to god knows where in the monstrosity of Steve’s house. Will, quiet as he always seems to get when he’s the center of one of these drag outs, trails off after Mike with an eye roll at the other two sophomores and an apologetic shrug for Steve.

And Eddie has his table again. Quiet and still, waiting for him to say something. Like there’s even anything to say when his very own Deus Ex Machina is leaving the room without so much as a backward glance at the poor schmucks he’s saved. “Well,” he says with a clap of his hands, “My blood sugar is dropping, so I’m going to shove as many of those cookies I smelled earlier into my mouth as I can in twenty minutes.” Because as much as they weren’t looking to him before, they need the DM to break the spell of the table. That’s how the whole thing goes.

And they scatter once it breaks. Eddie’s original Hellfire boys stay at the table, their ease at the Harrington house has been hardwon and the argument has rekindled something nerdy and skittish in them. Erica has headed off to the corner of the house Steve has let her claim as her own, nose still buried in her notebook. He doesn’t know where Lucas and Dustin are, but wherever they’ve gone they aren’t around to watch him struggle to pull himself out of his throne with his cane. He should just give in and let Steve raise the seat, half the problem is that it sits too low -- but knowing that and being willing to admit it at any point other than when he’s in PT levels of misery from pulling himself up are very different things.

Steve has his back to the door again, by the time Eddie makes his way to the kitchen. He has a bizarre semi-awareness of his surroundings that can be hard to predict. Sometimes it’s freaky how Steve can call out Dustin or Erica from a different room with an almost parental ‘eyes in the back of his head’ sixth sense. Other times his own soulmate can get the drop on him, managing to get her arms wrapped around his middle before he even realizes they’re in the same room.

It’s better to slam his cane against the floor a couple times. To let Steve feel the vibrations through the floorboards with his sock feet, that way nobody has to get hurt or feel guilty for doing the hurting.

Getting to see Steve’s grin bloom across his face as he flips that famous hair and catches sight of Eddie isn’t so bad either.

Next to Steve, it’s safe to prop his cane against the counter. He can rest his hips against the sure, solid surface and relax in the presence of his boyfriend while the blood returns to his limbs and a new kind of discomfort settles in. A hand, warm and sudsy finds the back of his neck. A strong thumb digging into a knot that had been there since at least last week with an erotic precision.

“You’ve got to stop letting them keep you in that chair for so long.”

"If we take breaks we'll just be here longer."

He shrugs, pulling his other hand from the dish water to pull Eddie into a gentle hold. "So be here longer."

"You'd get sick of the fighting. I'd get sick of the fighting." Actually it was probably better not to remind Steve of that. "You know I really did want one of those famous Stevie Henderson cookies."

Even as he hands over the platter of chocolate chip miracles he makes, Steve sighs. It's a full bodied affair that makes Eddie nervous on instinct. "We need to talk about Mike."

It is and isn't a surprise. "I know the yelling is a lot, Sweetheart, I'm sorry. You don't have a migraine, do you? I can talk to him and make him chill out a bit." That last part is absolutely a lie; he doesn't think he could get Mike under control right now if he had a stun gun and half a pound of Argyle’s primo Cali weed.

Not that it matters Steve has on his scrunchy faced 'you're wrong about something,' look, Eddie just needs to give him the minute it'll take to get his thoughts together. "You know I love you right?"

“In this dimension and any others,” Eddie supplies.

Steve smiles, feather soft, and runs a soothing hand through Eddie's hair the way he always does right before he says something atrociously bitchy. "I turn my hearing aids off the second you all start playing. If I had to listen to your game three different times, three different ways I'd drive my car into a portal."

He keeps going the way he does when he's afraid he's been too mean and wants to try to soften his edges for general consumption, like Eddie hadn't fallen in love with him the first time he called Dusin a butthead. "This way you and Dust can still use me as a sounding board for your plots and theories and I don't have to listen to my favorite nerds try to remember if 5+7 is 11 or 12."

“So what’s?”

“I’m worried about him!” Steve insists. Eddie might pride himself on his ability to handle a table, but he knows Steve is proud of his way with the kids. His relationship with each of them is rich and distinct, the way he handles each of them unique.

But it’s Mike.

Something must cross his face. He can only call it something, because he’s honestly not sure what emotion he’s feeling other than headache and how many cookies can I eat before they start tasting like nausea. But something else must have been there that causes Steve to cross his arms and glare.

“Yeah, of course, you’re worried about him. We are worried about him. Why are we worried about him, other than worried about what an asshole he’s been lately?”

That was not the right thing to say either, Eddie’s really rolling straight ones today. Steve’s glare shutters even further closed, and seriously it’s Mike. The same kid who called Steve a washed up jock not ten minutes ago. Who takes every single offered opportunity, and even some that he makes himself, to bitch and glare at Hawkins own #1 babysitter and monster hunter.

“He’s a teenager with more trauma than a ‘Nam vet. But even if he weren’t he’s not an asshole for being barely fifteen and not knowing when to shut the hell up. Do you remember the kind of shit you were saying back then?”

Big brother Steve has successfully landed a critical hit. Eddie does remember the kind of shit he used to say. Just like he knows Steve remembers the kind of shit he used to say. And they both remember the shit that they used to say to one another. How Eddie called Steve a braindead future Reganite who wouldn’t know good taste if it spit in his mouth. How Steve had called Eddie a tryhard that was so desperate to be different because that was the only way he could hide having nothing to offer.

“So we’re worried?”

“I just don’t want him to say something he can’t walk back because he forgot the thing he’s getting upset over is pretend.” He runs a finger down Eddie’s splayed hands. A tickling sensation he can feel down the path it traces from the back of his palm and down his middle finger and, in a phantom mirror, down his spine. “I know you get into your characters, or whatever, I’m sure this is bringing up a lot of memories but he’s going to regret lashing out if it means he pushes away Dustin or Lucas or one of the other guys.”

“I notice you left out Will.”

“Yeah well, Will is more likely to get hurt by something he says when lashing out while they aren’t playing exposure therapy the game. I mean seriously, you had to kidnap him? That’s where your, ‘Stevie, baby, what should I do with them this week? They decided to do something stupid,’ bitching and moaning landed you?”

Eddie doesn’t even really have time to let himself feel the fluttery, squishy feeling he wants to feel -- cause Steve does actually listen when they’ve got their feet tangled on the sofa together, each working on their own things -- before it’s getting smacked by down by the paladin of his heart. “No, no, that isn’t where I landed. I had a perfectly acceptable diplomacy mission prepared, with a back up fight that they were supposed to run away from. What do you want me to do, Sunshine? I gotta give the game some stakes. It’s not exactly fun for Will if he knows he’s indestructible.”

Maybe, he thinks, he should just stop talking today. Just cancel the rest of the session entirely. Will gets carried off by the vampire spawn, half dead and unsaveable, the party on its last legs, unable to agree on a course of action; and actually that’s where we’re gonna end things come back next week and hope Steve even lets us in the house after the screaming we’ve all done. Why? Because he can feel every joint in his body and every one of them is in pain. Because there’s been the dull throb of a low grade headache beating an even pulse in his temples since he woke up this morning. But mostly because every time he opens his stupid fucking mouth to talk Steve stops touching him, and that sucks absolute balls.

“I maybe had an idea,” Steve says. His voice dips and slides while he keeps his hands small, quiet, and close to his chest. Something Robin told him, and he’s now noticing, means Steve has thought about this idea a lot, long enough that he’s convinced himself it’s bad. Eddie’s noticed that even when these ideas aren’t phrased well, they’re never bad.

“I know it’s like rule number one: don’t split the party,” Steve can’t help but roll his eyes when he says it, an instinctive bit of brotherly mockery of Dustin, he would guess. “But what if you split the group a bit. Mike can go after Will, I’m sure Erica would be down to kill some vampires. She loves a chance to test drive her new feats and shit. Then Jeff and Dustin and whoever else can finish up that thing? With the missing girlfriend or whatever? And once that’s done they reunite to do whatever’s next on the list, save the kingdom.”

Eddie sits with that for a bit.

Impulsive is still his middle name, but sometime between being eaten alive by other dimensional hell creatures and getting a thousand and six tiny, itchy stitches removed he’s started giving things second and even third thoughts. Though in this case the second thoughts are less ‘is this a good idea’ and more ‘will Steve bend me over that solid oak dining table and critique my DM notes while he rails me.’

As his stomach swoops, his lower body twinges in a much less enjoyable way. Letting him know that now he’d been standing too long, or leaning against the counter the wrong way, or maybe something else entirely that made his legs tired of doing one of the few things they were made to do.

Figures he finally lands a hot boyfriend and he's got chronic pain keeping him from getting his dick wet.

“If you’ve already got another idea-”

“No,” he rushes to assure Steve, who needs to stay confident in his own ideas for all kinds of reasons but right now mostly so he’ll be willing to play into this new fantasy of Eddie’s once his body is willing to cooperate with the standing and the bending it’s going to require. “No, it’s a fantastic idea. I’m plotting as we speak.”

And that isn’t a total lie. Forever DM, he can think about all the fun ways the love of his life and reason he’s still living could degrade his current campaign -- An oath of vengeance paladin questing to save a lost love, isn’t that a little played out. Oh wow, rat swarms in a dungeon, they’re never gonna see that coming -- and figure out how to trick the group into thinking splitting the party was their own idea.

“How long,” he asks his resident child expert, “do you think it would take Will to roll up a new character?”

The smile that tips the corners of Steve’s face is the best part of his day. “Will always has an extra character rolled up with the rest of his stuff in his folder."

Things are slotting together in his head now, and as Steve's hands come around to do something magical in a spot on his back that probably has a name but mostly makes his legs feel like they should really belong to a baby deer.

“So Will…”

“Can convince Mike, and get a chance to try out the new thingy he built. He’s been waiting to talk to you about it.”

Eddie’s getting excited now, hands shaking in the good way. He doesn’t even care that his knee locks as he tries to bounce on his toes, just lets his hands get out the excited energy. “And the band can go do the story side plot shit I’ve been putting off…”

“With Dustin,” Steve reminds, “cause he’ll want to go wherever there’s the best chance to stir up shit. You already know Erica is going to go where there’s a chance to prove she’s the best at fighting, Lucas too. Not the fighting thing. He’ll go to round out the group, and so his mom doesn’t have to worry about keeping track of one more thing on the family calendar.”

“You’re a genius, Sweetheart.” He snags Steve by the collar, ignoring his bitching that the two fingered pinch he’s got it in is going to stretch it out, and pulls him close. Pressing a kiss on the corner of his perfect boyfriend’s pleased little smile. “I gotta go talk to Will about this character.”

“Send Mike down when you do?”

He’s surprised when he gets no argument, barely gets acknowledgement, when he finds Will and Mike in the guest bathroom and separates them. Mike slips from the room with nothing but a backward glance at Will, who smiles supportively. Once he clears the room, it takes next to zero prompting to get Will to talk about his backup character. The ‘thingy’ he'd been working on a tricked out ranger build that's going to annihilate.

There's something fresh, brightening, about Will's enthusiasm for the character that infects Eddie too. It gets him excited, for the first time since everyone arrived, to sit down around their over crowded table and play the hour of set up it's going to take to get the party ready to be split.

And Will doesn't duck his head anymore when Eddie pushes at him and his DnD expertise, he just pushes back. Together they work out a couple tweaks that will make the build fit better in the party, flesh out a backstory that they can integrate even if it doesn't end up going anywhere, and it doesn't really feel like time passes at all. Until Sinclair is sticking his head through the door, surprise artfully hidden at who he finds, as he asks if they're ready to go.

Mike is conspicuously absent from the table when Eddie makes his way to it, and that won't do at all. He's not an asshole, he's just 15. Something like shame crawls up the back of his throat as Steve's reminder sounds in his head. He remembers 15 and the things he said but more than that, as he looks around the table, he remembers being the last to arrive at a hangout of people you're already worried hate you only to find them having a good time without you.

Eddie has always prided himself on his ability to run a good session. "Stevie, gimme back our paladin, do I need to bring in a hostage negotiator."

A cookie held in one hand while the other smooths down the ruffled fringe of his bangs, Mike re-enters the dining room. The back of his Hellfire shirt is bunched and, if that weren't sign enough he'd been on the receiving end of a perfect Harrington hug, he looks settled. A smile tugging at his face that Eddie hadn't realized how much he missed, he looks boyish and happy and if Eddie didn't before he understands Steve's mission to keep these kids kids by whatever means necessary.

"Alright, now where were we?” He says once Mike is back in his seat beside Will, “Ah yes, you all watch in horror as the vampire spawn, hastened, dash away from you all with the unconscious, but still alive, body of Sir William the Wizened." Before anyone can restart the shouting, and he knows there will be shouting now that they’ve all had a chance to look over their notes and their character sheets, he barrels on. “From the hill behind you comes a shot. An arrow flies, thwip thwip. It slices between you all, before sinking into the back of one of the spawn at the back of the pack. He stumbles to the ground and the rest of the pack leave him to die.”

“We can interrogate him!”

“Worry about who’s behind us, dude.”

He doesn’t let Mike or Dustin derail him, Eddie continues, “As you turn the hill behind you is nothing but mist. You all know the range of an elven bow, but whoever fired it is nowhere to be seen. You wait, breath held, as a figure all in black slowly approaches. You get the feeling you see him now only because he wants to be seen.

“Will, describe your new character for us!”

#steddie #steve and mike #mike wheeler #good babysitter steve harrington #hard of hearing steve harrington #disabled eddie munson #its the mikes not an asshole he's just a traumatized teenager fic #yknow the one no one was waiting for #for my tag readers will homebrewed a prototype gloomstalker #and the author borrowed the hardwon vampire arc from naddpod #my fic

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bteezxyewriter12 · 4 months

Text

Admire

Pairing- Yeosang x Named Reader

Word count- 8k

Includes- Fluff, secret admirer, fingering, pussy eating, cum eating, missionary, slight dirty talk, multiple orgasms

Tag List- @mingtina @jaxminnie @yeosayang @delightfulmoonbanana @tannie13 @y00nzin0 @marsstarxhwa

@yeosxxx @seokwoosmole @jjongsbebe @wisejudgedragonhairdo @meowmeowminnie @woo-stars @borntowalkaway @usagionthered @san-realblkwife @seonghwasstar @jejeyeppeo @soulseobi05 @kpop-bambi @prayerofthehaim @realisticnotes @pinkies-things @insomniacatiny @stephy-nicole13

Gif Credit- woochwe

Masterlists- check out for more fics

📝Masterlists 📝ATEEZ Masterlist 📝Yeosang Masterlist

J POV

"So valentine's day is coming up", Yeosang teases

I pause the movie we're watching and turn to glare at him

He really wants to do this?

He finally is able to hang out with me after ATEEZ promotions ended and he wants to piss me off?

Fine

"Oh wow, you can read a calendar. Congratulations", I grumble

He laughs, "Got a date this year?"

He's really pushing my buttons

I've never had a valentine or even a boyfriend

I've never kissed anyone or had sex

I've never held a guy's hand

I'm not like him

I'm not confident, beautiful or friendly

He has his pick of thousands of girls who throw themselves at him

It's easy for him to get a date or a one night stand

As for me, ever since I was a kid, I was the ugly friend

Yeosang is the only guy I can speak to and that's because we've been best friends since infanthood

Around other guys I'm shy, stuttering, my face is constantly red and I'm awkward

A total fucking dork that loves video games, books, Pokemon and dungeons and dragons

I can't even talk to the ATEEZ members and I've known them for five years

"What do you think?", I snap

"C'mon Jo, you need to get a date sometime"

No I don't

I've given up

Out of my group of girls friends, I'm the unattractive one

In school, no one ever wanted to date me, often asking one of my friends out

The guys I liked liked my friends instead of me

My friends tried to talk to guys for me, hyping me up but the guy always rejected going out with me

And my friends are beautiful, Yeosang included so I've always felt so ugly

It's not their fault but mine

So I've given up on finding a guy

Especially since the guy I want is him

I'm not touching that with a ten foot pole and I will go to the grave with that secret

To be able to be around him and speak to him, I push away the feelings, lock it in a box inside me and shove it away

"Why are you giving me a fucking hard time Yeo? You know I can't talk to guys and you know no one wants me anyway"

"That's not true", he says to which I snort

"Stop fucking with me. No one likes the way I look and no one knows my personality because I'm catatonic around guys. So spare me"

"Well maybe you should try dressing differently"

Not this shit again

Ever since he joined ATEEZ, Yeosang is so into fashion and he's constantly trying to give me advice or take me shopping

It sounds like he's being an ass but he's not

He's really trying to help me

But I refuse to change the way I am

If someone wants me, I'm not going to pretend to be someone else

"Maybe not wear only tshirts and sweatpants. Maybe wear your hair down sometimes. Maybe put some makeup on. Maybe get some contacts"

I tried putting eyeliner on once and I almost took an eye out

I tried contacts and I couldn't get them in at the optical store

I kept stabbing myself in the eye with my finger and any time I got the contact in, I blinked and it fell out

I'm sticking with my glasses

I hate my hair in my face so I always wear it in a ponytail or bun

It's long but I'm scared to cut it because I've never had short hair before and I'm afraid it's gonna look stupid on me

So hair up it is

And as for my clothes I like slightly baggy tshirts to hide my big boobs and sweatpants are the most comfortable

I hate dresses, jeans that are too tight and tighter shirts show my boobs and dirty guys always say nasty shit to me

I'm not dealing with that

"No Yeo. I'm not gonna pretend to be something I'm not. If a guy wants me they get me how I am. It just so happens no one wants me."

"But-"

"No buts Yeo. Just stop talking about it. I'm destined to be alone and I'm fine with it", I tell him, lying through my teeth

Of course I want a boyfriend

I want someone who loves me, I want to be in a relationship, I want to have sex, I want to get married, I want kids

But right now I don't think it's in the cards and it may not be in the future either

I try to not think about it

"Jo-"

"What about you?", I interrupt, "Do you have a date?"

I want to stop talking about me

Better yet I want to get back to the movie

He smirks and that tells me that yeah he does

"Yeah"

"Oh. Nice. Is it the makeup artist you were telling me about?"

A few weeks ago he was telling me how pretty this girl is, that he likes her personality and was thinking about asking her out

My heart deflated a little but I'm happy for him

I'll always support him in anything and as long as he's happy I'm good

"No. A new girl"

"New girl? Where'd you meet her?", I ask, ignoring the pain in my chest

"At a fan meet"

"Is she....a fan?", I ask, surprised

He always said he'd never date a fan because they only knew the idol him and wanted him only based on that

He'd fuck them yeah but date no

I guess the right girl can make things change

"Yeah, she's a fan"

Fucking lucky bitch

"How'd you get her number?"

I know security is serious during these fan meets

After all, a crazy sasaeng could show up with the intention to hurt the idols

"Had her write it on a post it. Told her I'd text her", he explains, "I did, we talked for a few weeks and we have a date on valentine's day"

Yeah she's so fucking lucky

"Well that's great", I answer, fake smile plastered to my face, "I hope it all works out for you"

He nods, "Me too"

After a minute of silence, I say, "Can we get back to the movie?"

He nods, "Yeah Jo"

I nod, looking back at the TV and unpause the movie

Grabbing a pillow, I hold it tightly to me, forcing myself to watch the movie

Forcing myself to lock the hurt I feel about Yeosang going on a date with a fan in that tiny box inside me so I can continue to be fine

--------------------------------

Valentine's Day

"Joanne!", Balam calls me

I look up from the pills I'm putting into the bottle

"What? I'm counting", I answer

I can't get this wrong or bad things can happen to the patient

"There's a delivery for you"

What?

What delivery?

This is my job

I never order anything to the pharmacy

It's always to my apartment

So what the fuck?

"You need to sign for it"

I sigh, pouring the pills I put in the bottle out and back into the pile

I have to recount it

Getting up from my spot, I walk to the front of the pharmacy

A guy is standing by the register with a bouquet of flowers

Bypassing him, I look around for the delivery guy

"Uh Balam, there's no one here"

"The flowers genius", Balam says from the register, "The flowers are your delivery"

Flowers?

I can't take care of flowers

Everyone knows I kill them even when I try to care for them

I walk to the guy who hands me a clipboard with papers on it

"Sign please"

I scan the paperwork and sign the bottom

He hands me the bouquet then leaves

"Who's your Valentine?", Balam teases

I roll my eyes, "I don't have one. Hence why I'm working on Valentine's day"

I literally have no idea who sent this

"Read the card genius"

Turning the bouquet, I find the card on the other side

Pulling it out, my hand grazes the petals of the flowers and they feel strange

Holding the flowers to my nose, I smell them

They don't smell like flowers, more like a flowery perfume

The fuck?

Opening the card, it says

I know you aren't great with real flowers so I thought I'd get you ones that can last forever

Love,

Secret Admirer

My mouth drops at the words "secret admirer"

It sounds so childish, so cliche but for some reason it makes my heart beat faster

Who sent these?

Who actually likes me enough to send them?

No guy I know has ever shown any interest in me

And the only guys I know are the ones here at work, the ATEEZ members and Yeosang

And aside from Yeosang, I don't really talk to my male coworker or the members

So who is it?

It's someone who knows I can't care for flowers

Someone who remembers that and decided to get me fake ones instead

It's sweet

I feel myself smile softly at the flowers noticing that they're my favorite

Japanese Cherry Blossoms

Whoever sent this knows my favorite flower and went out of their way to find enough fake ones to make up the bouquet

"Hello, Earth to Joanne? Who sent them?", Balam asks

"I don't know. It doesn't say"

"Oh my god it's a secret admirer?", Balam squeals, "That is so romantic"

I mean I guess so?

I don't know, I have no experience with this

"Yeah", I say smiling

It may be nothing serious but it feels good to be noticed even if just for a moment

"I gotta get back to work", I say, going to the back of the pharmacy to my work space

I put the flowers down, next to my computer and get ready to refill the bottle

Right before I begin, I glance at the flowers again and I can't stop the smile forming on my face

--------------------------------

Opening the door to the cafe I go to everyday, I walk to the counter, scanning the menu to figure out what I feel like having for lunch today

I wait for the cashier to come so I can finally eat

It's taking a long time and I wonder what's going on

The cashier, Byeol, is always here, waiting for customers to come

So where is she?

I wait another five minutes, getting a bit annoyed

This is cutting into my lunch time

"Hi Joanne! Give me a minute please", Byeol calls, poking her head from the kitchen door

"Yeah ok", I grumble

I'm hungry and I don't want to get hangry or I can be very unpleasant

Just ask Yeosang

"I'm here", Byeol says, coming out with a tray of food and a drink

She places it in front of me, smiling, "Here you go"

"Uh...", I trail off, looking at the tray

It has all my favorites on it- Italian club sandwich, a blueberry lemonade and a original cheesecake slice

"What is this?", I ask, so confused

"Oh wait", she says reaching into her apron, pulling out an envelope, "Here. For you"

I raise my eyebrow, taking the envelope and opening it

There's a folded paper inside and I read it

"I know how much you love this cafe and I wanted to treat you to all your favorites. You deserve it. Enjoy"

Love,

Secret Admirer

My mouth drops, reading the note

Secret admirer again

Apparently this person knows a lot about me to get all my favorite things from this specific cafe

"Someone must really love you", Byeol says, smiling

"Yeah", I answer, doubtful this person loves me

Likes me maybe

Trying to be nice, more likely

"Uh did you see who ordered this?"

She shakes her head, "Someone called and explained what they wanted to do for you. They ordered your food for 1 pm and a delivery man came at noon, dropping off the money and that envelope"

That is so strange

Going through all this trouble for me?

And this person knows I take my lunch at 1pm

My coworkers know that I take my lunch at that time

But I doubt any of them know that I can't care for flowers

I literally have no idea who this is

"Are you alright?", Byeol asks, snapping me out of my thoughts

"Uh yes. I'm just surprised"

I thank Byeol, take the tray and go sit down to eat

I am hungry and these are my favorites so I should eat it

As I eat, I enjoy the food while wracking my brain for whoever this admirer can be

--------------------------------

Parking my car, I get out and walk toward my apartment building carrying the flowers and chocolate basket

When I got back from lunch, there was a basket of my favorite chocolate on my work desk- a mixture of Reese's peanut butter cups and York peppermint patties

Along with another note

"Just because these make you smile when you eat them and I absolutely love your beautiful smile"

Love,

Secret Admirer

Needless to say, I smiled reading the note

And yeah I ate some already but there is so much chocolate that I'll be set for days

Taking the elevator to my floor, I walk towards my door, already seeing an envelope taped to my door

I hurry to the door, taking the envelope, then going inside my apartment

Putting the flowers and chocolate on my coffee table, I sit on my couch opening the new envelope

It feels heavier that the other ones

I pull out the note, then reach in and take out a necklace

I gasp, looking at the beautiful dragon pendant

The dragon is curled around a crescent moon and a dark blue gem in the center

It's amazing

Opening the paper, a smaller piece of paper is inside and I read it first

It's about the necklace describing that the metal is platinum and that the stone is a sapphire for September birthdays

It's my birthstone

I'm just in awe

I look at the note in my hand

"I saw this dungeons and dragons pendant and immediately thought of you. I just had to get it. And I'd like to ask you on a date tonight. Please meet me at your favorite restaurant Boccalino at 7:30. I promise I am not a stranger and you know me. I will be wearing black pants, a black button down shirt and a leather jacket. Please wear the necklace. I'm sure it will look stunning on you"

Love,

Secret Admirer

I'm completely stunned

Someone is actually asking me on a date

Someone actually likes me

I am weary of meeting this person but they assured me I know them

And it's a public place so I can just scream or leave if it's a creep

I'm definitely going, even if it's just to see who it is

The only problem is that Boccalino is a fancier restaurant

It is my favorite even though I've only been there a max of three times

It's more like a fancy favorite restaurant

I don't know if I have anything fancy

I'm going to have to dig deep in my closet to find something I can wear

Glancing at the clock, it's already 5:30

I have to shower then get ready

I need to start moving

Getting up, I take the necklace with me into my room to get ready

--------------------------------

Parking the car, I get out and pull my dress down

I managed to find a long sleeved modest lace dress that my friend bought me and I never wore

I was lucky that it fit

The necklace goes really well with it too

There was no way that I was wearing the matching heels my friend bought in an attempt to sexy me up

Those things looked hazardous

I just put on my black flats I use to go on job interviews

It was as good as it would get

I left my hair down, parted at the side and it's driving me crazy

It's like a sheet down my back and the shorter pieces in the front keep falling in my face

But I can deal with it, seeing as I don't have any make up on and my glasses

I should of listened to Yeosang and learned how to do makeup and put in contacts

I'm kicking myself for ignoring him right now but I honestly never thought I'd ever be in this situation

Holding the small handbag, I start walking from the parking lot to the front of the restaurant

I'm excited to see who this person is and at the same time I'm terrified

I don't know how I'm going to speak to them without shutting down

I know I'm going to make a fool of myself but there's nothing I can do about that

As I get to the front, I see someone standing by the door, his back to me

In black pants, black button down and a leather jacket

I feel like I'm going to throw up as I walk closer

The closer I get, the more familiar the guy looks

He has longish black hair and the way he stands looks familiar

He turns around and I realize it's Yeosang

Oh shit, is he here waiting for the ATINY he has a date with?

What are the odds that he's taking her here at the same time I'm going to be here?

My chest hurts at the thought of him with that girl but I remind myself that I'm here with someone else too

The only person around is Yeosang

I guess I'm early or the guy is running late

"Hey Yeo", I call, walking closer to him

He looks to me, his beautiful smile on his face, "Hi Jo"

"What are you doing here?", I ask, "Waiting for the ATINY you're taking out?"

He raises his eyebrow, slowly shaking his head, "Uh no"

No?

But he said he had a date

"Oh. So why are you here?"

"Jo, I..uh..I'm here...for you"

I hear his words but they're not sinking in

"Wait...what?"

"I'm here for you. I...I'm the one who sent you all the stuff today"

"What?", I repeat, a million thoughts running in my head

It was him?

But why?

I know for a fact he doesn't feel that way for me

So why did he do all this?

Because he felt bad for me?

Because he knows I can't get a guy?

Oh my god

"I'm...here for you", he repeats and I just lose it

"Are you serious?", I shout, tears welling in my eyes

Is this some kind of funny joke to him?

He actually has the nerve to look at me in confusion

"Jo-"

"Why did you do this? To fuck with me? To tease me? To prank me? Did you lose a fucking bet or something?"

My god it hurts so much

I really thought that maybe someone actually liked me

Maybe one of the ATEEZ members

Or someone at work

Instead it's him playing a joke on me

"Jo, no this isn't a prank", he says

Yeah right

I don't want to hear any excuses

I just want to go home and cry

"Fuck you Yeosang"

Turning from him, I start walking away quickly

"Joanne wait", he says, his footsteps fast behind me

He moves in front of me, stopping me, "Wait. I can explain"

"No you can't"

I try to move around him but he moves with me staying in front of me

"Can you just listen?"

"No"

"Goddamn it, I fucking love you!", he exclaims

I stop, staring at him in disbelief

Is he seriously going with this?

That's unbelievable

"Yeah ok", I roll my eyes, getting angry

"I do. I love you. My god, you're so fucking oblivious. You don't pay attention to me at all or you'd see I'm stupidly in love with you", he yells

I stand there in shock, my brain trying hard to work out what he's saying

It's impossible

There's no way, he's lying, he's never...gave no sign...nothing

"I don't...you don't....", I stammer, my brain not connecting to my mouth

"Ahhh", he yells, his hand moving behind my head, pulling me to him as his lips crash against mine

Stars blast in my vision and I feel like the ground under my feet is tilting as his mouth moves against mine

And fuck, I actually feel the love he's pouring into the kiss

He not lying

He really loves me

I grab onto his shirt to steady myself, realizing that I don't know how to kiss

I try to follow what he's doing, moving my mouth against his

His arm moves around my body, pulling me against his, his other hand on the side of my neck, holding me softly

I feel his tongue lick my bottom lip and I instinctively open my mouth

His tongue slides in, touching mine and I let out the most embarrassing moan as tingles spread from the top of my head to my toes

It just feels so good

I never thought kissing could feel like this

But somehow I don't think it would feel like this with anyone but Yeosang

His tongue plays with mine and again I copy his movements, hoping that it doesn't suck for him

I don't know how long we kiss for but when he pulls away, he leans his forehead against mine

"Do you believe me now?", he asks softly

I'm completely speechless, my mind still preoccupied with his kiss

So I just nod

"I love you. I want to be with you. You're all I fucking wanted since we were in high school"

He just keeps on blowing my mind

"You...you never said anything"

"I couldn't. I was scared you wouldn't want me. Then I left to join BigHit, then KQ to train. Then we debuted and there was a dating ban for a year", he explains, "And I just didn't think you'd want me or you would of given me some sign that you did"

"C'mon Yeo, you know I'm completely stupid when it comes to this stuff", I tell him softly

He laughs softly, "Yeah but I didn't know you'd be this clueless"

I just smile

"Please jagi, tell me you feel something for me"

I do and I want to tell him I do

I just have to ask him something first

"Yeo, you...you said you had a date-"

"I lied jagi"

"Uh why?", I ask, confused

"Because I was trying to see if you feel anything for me or if you'd get jealous. I was scared to tell you my feelings Jo and when you had no reactions to what I said about the ATINY, telling me you hope things worked out for me with the fan, I figured you didn't see me like that. But I had to try. I couldn't give up on you without trying"

I'm at a loss

He's normally so confident, I would never think he would be trying to gauge my feelings for him

Then another thing occurs to me

"If you wanted me then why were you trying to give me advice on fashion? I know you like fashion but that's not me Yeo and I'm not changing the way I dress or do my hair or anything"

He smiles, softly touching my cheek

"I don't want you to change baby. I love the way you dress. I love your ponytails, your glasses, your sweatpants, sneakers, Tshirts. I don't want you to wear make up or contacts if you don't want to. I just said those things because you were saying that no one wanted you. I thought if I gave you some advice you could be more confident in yourself. But I love everything about you baby, including the way you dress. You're so fucking beautiful jagi, it's hard for me to tear my eyes away from you"

My mouth drops at his confession

He thinks....I'm beautiful?

He's beautiful, how can he think I am?

"I swear Jo, I don't know how you didn't catch me staring at you. I always had an excuse ready in case you caught me and called me out on it"

"I...I didn't notice because I was forcing myself not to stare at you", I confess

"Me?", he asks, hopefully

I nod, "Yeah you Yeo. I love you"

A huge smile forms on his face, "Yeah?"

I nod, "Yeah. I kinda fell in love with you around the same time you said you fell for me"

"Looks like we were both dumb"

"Yeah", I agree

"But...we're not dumb anymore?"

I shake my head, "No. I want you Yeosang. I always wanted you"

"We thank god because I was always yours. Always"

I smile, realizing that this beautiful man, this famous idol is finally mine

"I want to kiss you again", I say, my cheeks heating up

"You can kiss me anytime you want jagi", he assures me, "I'll never get tired of your kisses"

I know my face is even more red from his words

I never thought I'd hear things like this from Yeosang

"I..I don't know...what to do", I say softly, feeling inadequate

"Don't worry jagi. I'll teach you ok? I'll teach you everything"

I nod, relieved that he's not upset that I have next to no experience

He leans down, his lips against mine again, shivers running up my spine

Moving my mouth against his, I let his tongue in, his playing with mine

He takes my arms, moving them around his neck and I hold on while his arms move around my waist, holding me right against him

Slowly he pulls away, leaning his forehead against mine

"I love you"

"I love you", I tell him

"So you wanna go inside for our date?"

I nod, "Yeah. Definitely"

He takes my hand, pulling me with him

His hand feels so soft and honestly perfect around mine

"By the way jagi, you look fucking beautiful", he says, smiling at me, "And so fucking hot"

My mouth drops, "You're kidding"

He shakes his head, "I'm not. I don't think I've ever seen you in a dress. And that short skirt is driving me crazy"

Holy crap, my boyfriend thinks I'm hot

That is a word I never thought would ever be associated with me

"Yeah well that's fair since you drive me crazy all the time"

He snorts, "I've just been suffering in silence jagi. You drive me crazy all the time too"

I can't believe I'm having this conversation

And with Yeosang to boot

"I don't think this is an argument either of us is going to win"

"Yeah you're right", he agrees, "So let's just have a nice first date then?"

I smile, "Yeah baby"

He looks over at me, a big grin on his face, "I like that"

"What?", I ask

"You calling me baby"

I blush hard, not even realizing I called him that

"Can you keep doing it?", he asks

I nod, "Yeah"

He smiles, kissing my lips quickly, then opens the restaurant door, leading me inside

--------------------------------

My arms lock around Yeosang's neck as his lips stay against mine, his tongue playing with mine

After our amazing date, we came back to my apartment and we haven't been able to stop kissing or touching each other

He carried me to my bed, laid me on it and has been kissing me ever since

I learned quickly and I think he likes the way I kiss him based on his constant moans

"Mmm want you jagi", he murmurs against my lips, his hands running down my body

I know what he means when he says that and I do want him too

So much

I'm just scared because I've never done anything but I'm not letting that stop me

"Want you too Yeo", I answer

He already told me we don't have to do anything tonight, that's he's fine with waiting but I'm not having it

He's mine and I want him

I feel him smile against my lips, moving his kisses to my neck, his hands bunching up my dress

Holy shit, that feels amazing

"Fuck I'm so fucking excited jagi", he says, his hands touching my skin under my dress, every nerve on fire from his touch

"What?", I get out, his touch feeling so fucking good

How can touching feel so good?

"I said I'm excited to be with you baby", he repeats

"Why?", I ask, so surprised

I haven't done anything

I have no skills, I don't know what to do

This is going to suck for him

"Because baby, I'm the first one to see you naked", he murmurs, pushing my dress up more, "I'm lucky jagi. I'm the first one to ever kiss you. The first one to touch you. I'm gonna be the first one to undress you, the first to touch and suck your nipples, the first to taste your pussy, the first one to be inside your pussy. I'm the first one who's gonna make you cum. In my mouth and on my cock"

Oh my god

He's so fucking hot

Everything he's saying is true and it sounds like so much fun

He leans down to my ear whispering, "I'm the first one to tell you I love you and I want to be the only one who ever says that to you. I want to be the only one you say that to"

"You are Yeo. You're the only one I ever loved"

He leans his forehead on mine, moaning softly, "Fuck jagi, I'm never going to get tired of hearing you say that"

"I'll always say it Yeo. I love you"

"Fuck, I love you", he says, then his lips are on mine, kissing me silly

His hands move down, slowly pulling my panties off

I have to admit, I'm so excited and I lift my ass up to help him

Her throws my panties behind him, then helps me sit up as he takes my dress off

Next to come off is my bra and I realize I'm completely naked in front of him

He slowly pushes me back and I lay down, his eyes raking over my body

I blush hard just as he says, "Oh my god jagi"

His hands roam all over my body, his fingers trailing all over my skin, making me shiver

"You're fucking gorgeous Jo", he whispers, blowing my mind, his eyes moving to mine, "My perfect jagi"

My mouth drops as I process his words

"Perfect?"

"Absolutely jagi", he whispers

I don't know what to say, my cheeks on fire so I just move my hands to his body, tugging up his shirt

He moves his arms from me, letting me take his shirt off

I'm hit with his gorgeous body, muscles fucking everywhere

His chest is defined, abs cut into his stomach, his arm muscles bulging and I'm so fucking turned on

My boyfriend is so fucking hot

I mean I knew he was, I saw the Deja Vu video but seeing all of him....it's turning my brain off

"You ok baby?", he asks

"Yes", I whisper, biting my lip, reaching out and touching him

His eyes close as I run my hands all over him, his skin so soft

"Mmm jagi", he murmurs, my hands sliding up to his chest, my fingers dancing along the muscles

I slowly move my hands down, reaching for his pants, I undo his belt, opening his jeans

My hands shake while I pull his pants and boxers down as far as I can

He moves off the bed, getting his clothes off

I lift my head, gaping when I see him completely naked

His thighs are muscular too and my eyes move to between his legs

Oh my fucking god

His dick is so huge

He's already hard, his thick length standing at attention, his tip wet with cum

"Yeo, oh my god", I murmur

He smiles softly, coming back on the bed

His opens my legs, moving between them as he looks down at me

"Am I good for you jagi?", he asks shyly

"I ...uh...what?", I stammer

"Am I ok for you? Am...uh... am I...uh is my body..... what you want?"

I'm completely floored at how shy and insecure he sounds

"Of course you are baby. You're perfect", I assure him, "You are what I want Yeo. You're perfect the way you are"

He smiles happily, leaning down, his lips against mine

I fall into his kiss as his hands move and wrap around my boobs, squeezing so gently

Moaning in his mouth, he kisses me hard then moves his lips from mine, pressing kiss after kiss to my neck

Shivering against his lips, he laughs so sexily, turning me on

He kisses my chest, dragging kisses down to my boob

I wait in anticipation, his kisses getting closer to my nipple

When he gets there, his tongue licks my nipple and I moan so loudly, pleasure like I never felt filling me

His mouth closes around my nipple, sucking softly, making me cry out, my pussy getting so soaked

I don't think I've ever been this wet before

Of course it's him that makes me feel like this and I'm glad for it

He switches nipples, his free hand softly trailing down my body, down to in between my legs

His fingers rub on my clit, pleasure hitting me hard, my body shaking, moans falling from my mouth

He rubs faster, pressing on my bump, my pussy completely drenched

"Yeosang. Oh god Yeosang"

His mouth sucks harder on my nipple as his fingers move from my clit further down

I'm scared it's going to hurt but I trust Yeosang

I know he won't hurt me and if it does hurt, he'll stop

His fingers move along my pussy, groaning into my nipple, "So fucking wet baby"

I feel my whole body flush in heat, from his words and from how he sounds like he likes it

His fingers stay at my entrance and I feel one starting to press inside

My legs tense and he lets go of my nipple, kissing my neck softly

"No baby, relax for me", he murmurs, "I promise it's gonna feel good baby but you have to relax ok?"

"Ok Yeo", I answer, trying indeed to relax

He presses kisses to my neck and chest over and over, melting me into the bed

His mouth reattaches to my nipple, sucking softly, his finger sinking inside me slowly

It doesn't hurt at all

In fact it feels good

"Mmm so tight", he murmurs, "Can't wait to feel this pussy around my cock"

Oh my god

He so very slowly moves his finger, pulling out, then sinking back in, wiggling around

Over and over, pleasure slowly building

After a few thrusts, he adds another finger, both of them buried deep inside

His mouth doesn't stop on my nipple, sucking as his fingers stay inside, pressing around like he's looking for something

What, I don't know

Suddenly his fingers press on a spot that has my pussy gushing more juice, the bliss slamming into my body

"Oh fuck", I moan, one of my hands burying in his black hair, the other gripping the sheets so hard

"There we go", he says, his voice even deeper than it usually is

I feel his fingers leave my cunt only to surge back in and hit that area that feels fucking unbelievable

"Yeosang!"

"Got your spot baby", he murmurs, moving his hand quicker, spreading his fingers open inside me

I can't fucking believe how good it feels

I've touched myself before, used toys too but that pleasure is nothing compared to what he's giving me

As he fingers me, his thumb moves to my clit and he starts rubbing

"Fuck, Yeosang!", I cry as stars blast in my eyes

Holy fuck, this pleasure is on another level

It's different when someone else is pleasuring you

And add to it it's the man I'm head over heels in love with, the pleasure is astounding

My legs shake as I get closer to coming

It's just so much and I can't handle it

"Yeosang! Oh fuck", I yell as my orgasm hits me so fucking hard

His fingers move faster, his mouth sucking my nipple faster, the bliss incredible

"Yeah baby, cum for me", he murmurs, "So pretty jagi. My baby is so beautiful"

"Oh god. Yeosang"

God, is this what I've been missing?

This is what it feels like to be with someone else?

Somehow, I doubt it would feel this good with anyone else though

When it's over, I suck in air, feeling like I'm part of the bed, just reveling in the post orgasm bliss

Yeosang moves off me and I wonder where he's going until I feel his hands spread my legs open wider

Pleasure suddenly slaps me in the face and I shout his name as I lift my head up

I freeze in shock at the sight of my boyfriend eating my cunt like he's starving

His tongue flies all over, licking in between my slit, moaning like he's the one getting oral

His eyes lift to mine and I'm completely turned on

He looks so good in between my legs

He holds eye contact as his tongue slides up my pussy only to slide back down

His tongue runs all over, my legs shaking again, in pleasure

I can't, he's so good with his tongue

Fucking hell

His tongue slips down, poking into my hole and making me gasp

He pushes his tongue further in, and I can't help but clench around him

"Yeosang", I moan, feeling his tongue slide out

"Mmmm jagi", he groans deeply, his tongue shoving back in

"Fuck fuck"

He moves his tongue fast, fucking into me again and again

And I can't believe this man, this beautiful, sexy idol is doing this to me

That he wants to do this to me

And that he seems like he's enjoying it

A lot

His tongue pulls out, then slides up my pussy, flicking my clit

"Oh fuck", I cry, more pleasure zapping through my system

He laughs so deeply, making me shiver as his tongue flicks my clit again and again

I can feel my orgasm building up with each move of his talented tongue

I can't stop myself from plunging my hand into his black hair, holding on as I moan like a huge slut

I watch as his mouth wraps around my clit and he sucks like he can't get enough

Pleasure blasts in my body, making me shake hard

My hips start moving on their own, fucking into his mouth, my juice all over his face

And he just keeps on sucking like he doesn't have a care in the world

"Yeosang..I...I'm..", I breath hard, right at the edge

His eyes meet mine as he slurps around my clit and I fucking lose it

I tumble head first into ecstasy, screaming his name over and over as I ride the waves of pleasure

His mouth doesn't stop, sucking me through it, keeping me in constant bliss

It's fucking incredible

As I come down from the orgasm, Yeosang moves his tongue down to my hole, licking rapidly, swallowing and making moaning noises

When he finishes he moves on top of me, gently pushing me down on the bed

"My girl tastes so fucking good", he murmurs, his lips pressing against my neck, shocking the shit out of me

"I...I do?"

"So good my love", he answers, "So sweet"

He peppers kisses all over my neck, his cock pressing against my leg

"Can I fuck you baby?", he asks

It's now or never

I push all the nervousness away and just focus on him

"Yeah Yeo. I want that. I want you"

"Anything for you jagi"

I feel him start to move in slowly, stretching me open inch by inch

And it feels fucking good

I was expecting pain, knowing that it normally happens the first time

But I don't feel any of that

It just feels good

"Oh fuck", I moan, immediately tightening around his cock as he pushes in more and more

And somehow I get so much more wet

"Oh god", he groans against my skin, "Oh fuck, so tight baby. Fuck. Feels so fucking good. You feel so good jagi"

I swear I haven't heard Yeosang sound like this before

Like he's losing control

I can't answer as I feel him bury in my pussy

He stops moving, whispering, "I'm all in"

And fuck, I can't stop my pussy from throbbing hard around him

His cock is so massive, the feeling of being full so fucking satisfying

"God, fuck, you're pussy is so good. Fuck pulsing so much already. Feel like I'm gonna cum right now"

"Is...is that good?", I whisper

"Mmm hmm. Means you feel amazing jagi", he answers, "I knew you would"

He lifts his head from my neck, his eyes on mine, smiling softly

"You're perfect baby"

I blush, never thinking that any guy in this world would think I'm perfect

Especially Yeosang

But he does and it feels good

"You're perfect Yeosang. I love you"

"I love you Jo. So much"

He presses a soft kiss to my lips and I fall into him

"I'm gonna move, ok jagi?", he asks between kisses

I nod, wrapping my arms around his body, gently laying my hands on his back

His arm moves around my waist, holding me against him, his tongue playing with mine as he slowly moves his hips back

I moan in his mouth at how good his cock drags through my pussy, sending shivers all over me

He slowly buries back inside, forcing me open, my pussy gripping his length tightly

He goes all the way in, his head rubbing against that spot his fingers found before, pleasure filling me

He moves slowly, in and out, his hands gripping my body hard, his lips moving from mine to my neck

"Baby fuck. So good jagi", he whines, "So fucking wet for me"

I am

I don't ever think I've been this wet before

Every time he moves inside, I feel my pussy soak him

He breathes rapidly, his body tense and barely in control

"Can I go faster? Please baby. Wanna go faster", he begs, "Let me fuck you so good jagi. I promise I'll make you feel good. Make you want my cock all the time"

Holy shit

I never thought Yeosang would ever speak like this but fuck it's such a turn on

"Please baby. It'll feel so good jagi. I'll make it so good"

"Yes baby", I answer, wanting him to feel good as well

This isn't just about me

It's about us

He immediately moves, sitting up, both hands gripping my hips hard

He thrusts faster, slamming into me, sending me into so much bliss

Stroke after stroke he goes in harder, so deep in my pussy

I moan loudly, twisting the sheets in my hands, the pleasure intense

"So pretty baby", he whispers, "Fucking hell, your pussy looks so good on my dick"

My eyes move to him and I'm blown away at how hot my boyfriend is

His upper arm muscles are flexing, veins in his lower arms popping, his abs so tight as he thrusts, drops of sweat all over him

His hair is soaked, pleasure on his face as he bites his lip, his eyes watching his cock fuck me

He's so fucking stunning, it's stupid

"Pretty pussy", he murmurs, "Pretty hole stretching so wide. Creaming my cock so good, it's everywhere. Such a pretty mess"

"Is...is that g..good?", I get out

He nods, his eyes not moving, "I love it. Wanna see your pussy cum"

"Fuck Yeo"

His eyes finally move, slowly raising up my body until he looks at my face

He hovers over me, one hand moving next to my head on the bed, the other hiking my legs up his body more

"I want to see you cum baby", he says, "Wanna see how you lose it on my cock"

"Yeo, fuck", I whimper, his words turning me on more

"Want to feel you clench on me, drown my cock in your cream, feel your body shake, hear you scream my name"

I can't answer, just groan as the pleasure mounts, his perfect cock hitting my spot while his pelvis rubs against my clit with each stroke

He leans down, his mouth next to my ear, "Do you hear how wet you are for me?"

What?

"Do you hear how loud your pussy is when you take my cock inside you?", he asks, "Listen baby"

Silence falls for a second before I hear it

The wet squelching of his cock pounding my pussy along with his skin hitting mine

Oh my god, it's so fucking erotic

"Sounds so pretty", he murmurs, "Could listen to it on repeat"

"Yeosang", I cry, my back arching as I'm shoved closer and closer to my orgasm

"Yes baby", he urges, "Let me watch you. Fall apart for me"

"Baby", I gasp, my brain turning off from the incredible bliss, my pussy throbbing crazily around his shaft

"Yeah baby. Good girl. Scream my name, baby girl. Fall apart on my cock jagi"

His cock slams inside and I lose it

"Yeosang! Fuck! Yeosang!", I scream, ecstasy slamming into my body, taking over and stars explode in my vision

"Good girl. Fuck, it feels so fucking good", he praises, his cock fucking into me as I cum, keeping me in pleasure, nothing in my head except him

"Yeosang", I whimper, tears falling from the corners of my eyes from how good it feels

"Baby", he groans, "I'm gonna cum"

I just moan, tightening my legs around him

Fuck, I don't want him to leave my cunt

I want him to stay

"Ccc..... can I cum in your pussy? Please", he pleads

"Yes Yeo. Please baby. Wanna be full of your cum"

God, do I crave his cum inside me

Always wanted that with him

"Let me see you cum Yeo"

"Fuck!", he shouts, burying his cock inside me as he orgasms, "Joanne! Fuck!"

My mouth drops as I watch him, so fucking beautiful

His cock throbs hard inside me, warm sticky cum gushing into my cunt

I can't help my pussy spasming around him, like I'm sucking on his dick

"Yes baby, oh my fucking god", he cries, "Milking my cock so fucking good baby. Take it all jagi"

I do, enjoying the feeling of being filled

He breathes hard as his forehead leans against mine, his lips finding mine in a soft kiss

After, he pulls out, laying next to me, getting the blanket over us

"Come here jagi", he murmurs, pulling me to him

I go absolutely willingly, laying on the pillow with him, our bodies turned to each other, his arm tightly around me

His fingers softly run in my hair, his eyes on me, a soft smile on his face

"I love you", he says

I can't hold the smile back, so unbelievably happy

"I love you", I tell him

He leans forward, giving me a sweet gentle kiss that completely melts me

He's my everything

"Tired jagi?", he asks, after our kiss

I nod, "You?"

"Yeah baby"

Ok then

Sleepy time

I quickly run out the bed, shutting the light then jumping back in, immediately in his arms

Cuddling into him, he chuckles, his arms around me, body pressed against mine

"Fuck jagi", he says softly, "You have no idea how long I wanted to have you in my arms. Every time we watched a movie, a TV show, every time we were sitting next to each other, I just wanted to pull you in my arms and hold you. Never let you go"

"You don't Yeo. You never have to let me go ever again", I assure him, "I wanted to be in your arms for so long too Yeo. Just climb in your lap, both of us holding each other and staying there"

"You can from now on baby", he agrees, "I'll always hold you baby. Always"

I smile, "I love you so much Yeosang"

"I love you so much Jo. Always baby"

"Forever", I whisper

We meet in a gentle kiss, so much love between us

I normally hate Valentine's day but I'm so happy he made this one memorable

#yeosang smut #ateez yeosang smut #kang yeosang smut #yeosang fanfic #kang yeosang fanfic #ateez yeosang fanfic #ateez fanfic #ateez smut

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writerpetals · 1 year

Text

ruin me | 🔞

; optional male lead smut | ☁️

w; werewolf!au, slightly traumatic shifting scene with gorey details

play me like a symphony play me til your fingers bleed i’m your greatest masterpiece

You are ten years old when you first meet your guardian. Everyone in your father’s kingdom has their own, imprinted before they are born if fate is on their side, granting a little protection with the help of mother nature.

Wolves have been sacred for thousands of years, roaming the lands and bonding with man to guide one another through life, so you aren’t sure when it was decided that the werewolf protectors and faithful companions were forced into being one step up from servants, listening to the commands of their masters. Instead of trust, the guardians received betrayal, bonded together by blood that allowed the masters to have power over the wolves.

The stories alone gives you chills, making your stomach turn at the thought of having so much control over something, human or not. No one deserves so much power.

You are ten years old when you shuffle down the brick corridors of the dungeon, lantern in hand to guide the way to him. You aren’t supposed to see him before the blood ritual, but curiosity got the better of you.

You tiptoe into the prison that holds the wolves that are either too young or too old to perform for the humans. You know he will be the youngest one, the same age as you and all the way at the end in a special cage just for the king's daughter.

Each step is heavier than the last before you make it to the end of the prison, holding your lantern up higher to peer into the iron cage.

“Hello?” You call out, voice trembling, nervous to see the boy you will be stuck with for the rest of your life.

A figure appears from the shadows, a small outline causing you to blink through the darkness until you can see him fully. Hair disheveled, sticking up in every direction with a bit of dirt and a bit of hay, lips trembling upon you calling for him, and eyes wide and full of curiosities just as you are, but gentle, letting you know you can trust him.

“Are you my master?” His voice is soft and nothing like you were expecting.

“I am.” He wears rags, causing you to wonder how he stays warm on the chilly night as you shiver just staring at him, until you remember wolves aren’t like humans, causing your worry over him to ease slightly.

He grins as he tells you his name, flashing a smile so charming. You can’t hide your smile, though slightly shy from his forwardness as he holds his hand through the bars of the cell. You take it after a few seconds of hesitation, feeling just how hot his skin is, realizing he doesn’t need many cloth pieces at all. “You’re the king’s daughter, aren’t you?”

You nod. “That is correct.” He doesn’t let your hand go, and you aren’t in a hurry to pull away, finding comfort in the young wolf’s grasp.

“Everyone keeps telling me how special I am to serve a princess. It’s an honor.” His voice is a whisper as he leans closer to the bars of the cage. “But can I tell you a secret?”

“Of course,” you answer without hesitation.

“I’m scared to turn.” A certain sorrow and worry fills his eyes. “Everyone also keeps telling me it hurts. A lot.”

“Have you never shifted before?” You aren’t sure of all the technicalities of werewolves at ten years old, voice raising an octave in a curious tone.

“No, no,” he chuckles, making you feel like that’s something you should already have known about, “we can shift after our eighteenth birthday, so I’m told.”

“I see.” You don’t realize how you lean towards him as well as he speaks, so fascinated with him already.

“Can I ask you a favor?” Your eyes widen, then you nod. “Can you not make me shift? I don’t want to be in pain.”

You know after the ceremony, you will have all control over him, and you can also sense his fear in the way his voice shakes and he squeezes your hand just a little bit tighter, becoming hotter under the touch.

“I won’t make you shift.” You pull your hand away, instead holding out your pinky finger to link with his, grinning. “I promise.”

***

The next day at the ceremony, you and him steal glances, trying not to giggle at one another as your mother and father watch on while one of the castle's noblemen recites the oath you both will promise on. You are excited to be paired with him. He is excited to be paired with you, and you tell yourself as the knife slides across his palm to pour the droplets of blood into the vial you will wear around your neck, that no matter what, you will never make him shift. You will never make him do anything he doesn’t want to do.

***

As time goes on, you grow closer to him. He becomes your best friend, growing up together, spending most of your days with one another. With him teaching you how to hunt in the forbidden forests and you sneaking him up to your room most nights to allow him to sleep in your bed. Much better than sleeping in the castle's guardian quarters he informed you was wet, and smelly, and not as warm or soft as your room.

You share secrets, wishes, and wildest dreams with one another. And even though he doesn’t realize it, and you haven’t made him shift after his eighteenth birthday, he is your guardian in more ways than one.

You are older when you share your first kiss with him. Mostly you experiment in the kingdom’s orchard, under the apple tree hidden away from the world, but you can’t deny the urge you feel when your lips meet. He has a fire inside him, and you have the desire, wanting to spill all your love for him in one, simple kiss, but hold back.

Until he gathers the courage to kiss you again, pressing your back against the tree trunk as the shadows dance across your faces with the sunlight peeking through the leaves. The only two people in the world that matter are you and him. He is intoxicating, filling you with the warmth that surges through his body. Pure blooded wolf and soft hearted man looking after only you, and you have never felt luckier to have him.

You pull away calling his name, leaning your head back against the tree trunk.

“Yes, my princess?” Your heart races anytime he calls you that, finding his words seductive even though he means nothing by it. You can’t speak, only stare at his beautiful eyes and lips, wondering how you got so lucky to have him.

You exhale his name again, breathing him in with the smell of apples and his natural wolf scent mixing, causing your head to spin.

Neither of you say much after the kiss. You don’t need to, only keeping it your secret that can never be said with words. You don’t need words to know how you feel about one another. His blood runs hot for you, he is your protector, and even though you never tell him, you love him more than anything.

You eventually allow him to be with you when you take your baths in the peaceful river near the castle. At first, he only sits with you. His eyes dance around, from the trees to the water to your body. You aren’t shy in front of him. How could you be? You trust him with your life. You strip bare before him, every inch of skin on display, and soon he doesn’t try to hide it when he watches you.

Soon, he joins you in the river. Without words, his hands find your body. Neither a syllable or a sound leaves either of your lips, because it doesn’t have to. You know what you both want. At first, all he does is explore with shaky palms over your flesh. Your body melts into him as he handles you with care. He slips his touches over your chest, your breasts, down your hips and eventually he finds his way between your thighs. You have never been touched there but it only feels right when it’shim.

You allow him to explore and play, to touch and tease.

“I love the way you sound,” he tells you when you whimper his name just as his fingers find your clit. “I always want you to feel this good.”

And he means it. Each time you take your baths together in the springs, his hands find their way to your body. Experimenting with what feels good to you and what feels amazing, the noises you make. The way your body reacts to him helps know exactly how to treat you. Until a surge of warmth sends you barreling over the edge in your first reach of release. Never before have you known there were such intoxicating rewards to his touches. You only allowed him to do so because it felt right with him.

You want to return the favor after a while. You want him to feel just as good. One day in the orchard, your hands slip inside his clothes, exploring every inch until you find something hard and needy. Hidden away between the trees, you grip his cock until his head rolls back, moving over his length and becoming so wet with desire from the growls he releases.

“Does it feel good?” you ask him, part curiosity of the inexperienced and part because you want him to talk to you through his pleasure.

“So damn good,” is all he manages. Your strong, wolf protector begins to fold under your touches. His skin is like silk, yet the entire length is painfully hard. You work his cock until his knees begin to buckle, shooting white ropes of release into your palm.

Out of curiosity, you bring the release to your mouth for a taste. The next day you allow him to come in your mouth.

You play tag back and forth with who will give one another pleasure. Not longer after, his face is what is buried between your thighs. Down at your little spot by the river. The sun beams down on both of you as you lay spread out for him, no clothes, legs open. He tastes all of you, from your clit, to your dripping entrance, to your tightening rosebud and back again. You ride your wolf’s face until your voice goes hoarse. You come on his tongue in a flurry of whimpers and hair pulling and crying out, and he licks you clean, as if he was marking his territory.

The way he growls between your thighs never ceases to send chills through your body. From protective to possessive, he makes it clear you are his, and you wouldn’t have it any other way.

You are so happy with him. You never need him to shift. You feel complete as is, being there for one another, confiding in each other. You trust him, and love him.

But no one would understand your love. Someone would have to be out of their minds to fall in love with a wolf, a creature so unlovable.

“Especially a princess!”

One of the king’s knights corner you and him years later in the guardians quarters of the castle, stuck down a dead end with the torches on the walls flickering dimly to offer little light. He has been spying on the two of you for a while, watching you steal kisses from him when no one was looking, bathe one another in the stream just south of the kingdom, and sneak him into your room on the coldest of nights.

You can tell in his tone he means trouble. The three of you stare at one another, with your wolf already on the defensive, fists clenched and nose snarling.

“Tell me, princess, how long did you think you could keep this up?” He glares down at you, hand on his sword in case the wolf feels too confident in himself.

“Please…” You beg the knight, knowing this could lead nowhere good. But he only laughs loudly, head back, mocking your cries, before taking a step forward, then another until both of your backs are pressed into the freezing stone wall. You wonder where the other guardians were, but of course this late at night, they’re roaming the forests as lookouts or tending to their masters.

There is no one to help, with the knight looking so disgusted at the both of you and your body trembling with the fear of what was to come.

“Oh, wouldn’t the king be so heartbroken to find out his daughter was sleeping with a dog.” He snarls looking at you as if you have committed some unforgivable sin.

“He’s not a dog!” You cry out, feeling the tears building at your lids, threatening to fall so soon.

“Shut up!” He spits back just as quick, causing you to jump from the volume of his voice echoing down the halls. Your guardian reaches for your hand a moment later to calm you, if only out of instinct.

“Please don’t tell anyone.” The first drop falls to your cheek, not being able to remain strong anymore at the thought of someone finding out about the both of you. You can’t lose him, and surely they would - well, you didn’t want to think of what they would do to him.

“Oh, I won’t.” The knight grins devilishly. “But, you know, a little birdie told me a secret.” By now the corners of his mouth nearly reach his eyes, causing you to cower closer to your wolf from the knight, allowing him to pull you against him for protection.

“What is it?” You sniffle, wiping away the tears from your cheeks with the sleeve of your dress.

“I heard,” he begins, chuckling and finding the situation darkly humorous, “that your little wolf here has never transformed. Is that true?”

“W-why?” You question him, but he interrupts, showing no fear against this man.

“It’s true.” Now your guardian steps forward, blocking the distance between you and the knight.

“Oh, isn’t that sweet.” He shakes his head, tsking with his tongue. “Too bad, because when he does shift, and he will, it will be so much more painful due to waiting so long.”

“What?” Your eyes widen at his words.

“Make him shift,” the knight suddenly says, causing your stomach to turn.

“No, I can’t.” Furiously you begin shaking your head. “I won’t do it.”

“Do it, or I’ll tell the king all about your sneaking off to do God knows what with each other.” His gaze shoots between the two of you, getting too much joy from having power over you.

“I can’t…” The tears falling from your eyes hit harder, stinging against your swollen, hot cheeks. “I promised I wouldn’t.”

“Do it.” His tone is sharper, voice deeper and scarier than ever before.

“Please, sir.” You try to reason with him, shaking and trembling from your cries and pure fear of what would happen if a wolf were to shift for the first time after so long.

“Make him shift,” the knight begins, unsheathing his blade before pointing it at your neck, the tip barely digging into your skin with your back pressing harder against the wall, “or I’ll kill you.”

“You can’t-” Your wolf tries and fails to stop the knight, only getting a hand wrapped around his throat instead, daring to apply the pressure needed to choke him. He is weaker than the knight, only strong in wolf form and certainly no match for the knight with all of his training. He is helpless, and with the tip of the blade threatening to pierce your skin, so are you.

“Please don’t do this.”

“It’s okay.” His voice causes your eyes to dart from the knight to him, noticing him gulping back his worries. “It’s okay, you can command me.”

“No!” You refuse with a shake of your head, but pause once you feel the sharp sting of the blade to your throat. “I won’t do it. I promised I wouldn’t hurt you.”

“It’s okay,” he repeats the words. “I can’t let this pathetic excuse for a knight take your life. It’s okay.”

“But…”

“It’s okay, princess.”

“Well, you heard him, princess.” The devious laugh fills your ears once more. “Make him shift.”

Your heart is heavy, wanting all your life to protect him just as he had you. You want to keep him safe and never, ever have him feel the pain he was so scared of when he was little. You love him, and you would let the knight take your life if it meant never having to see him suffer.

But he wouldn’t allow you to do so, and the way he stares at you, eyes as soft as the first time you met and lips holding back all the I love you’s he never got to say, he lets you know it’s okay to trust him. And you do just that. .

You take a deep breath, closing your eyes with the tears streaming down your face, burning and soaking into your skin, finding it so hard not to sob the words, “shift, now.”

Everything is silent. Not even a breath is heard in the dead of night, before his hiss hits your ears. Your eyes pop open in time to see him doubling over, wincing from the pain ripping through his body before he slumps to the floor. His knees hit the stone, hard, and then a crack fills the lonely hallway, and then another, and one more.

The knight backs away, eyes wide and too frightened to remain a witness to the wolf’s suffering, making his way out of the guardian's quarters with haste.

You kneel beside him, but he quickly pushes you away, not wanting you to get hurt with your body falling back against the floor. “Oh god…”

His bones continue to break, a loud crack hitting your ears every time as he groans from the mind numbing pain. Fur sprouts on every limb as he transforms before you, shredding his guardian's attire right before your eyes and all you can do is cover your mouth with your hand to keep from screaming at the horrific sight.

He peers up at you, nearly shifted with eyes glowing bright yellow, hypnotizing you enough that you don’t dare look away. He only holds the gaze for a moment before his face hits the floor, his hair hiding his eyes before the strands turn a snow white.

Finally you have to shut your eyes once the blood begins dripping from his mouth, only being left to hear his groans and cries until the final few bones break.

Then everything goes silent once more. Your heart pounds even harder from the lack of noises, realizing you have been holding your breath and you are too scared to open your eyes.

Though, you have to, finally peeking through your lashes, spotting a white outline of his wolf form in a pile of shredded clothes.

You call for him, voice almost startling you in the dead silence. He doesn’t move. You aren’t even sure if he is breathing, until you gather the strength to crawl toward him, slowly pressing one knee to the stone at a time, until he is right before you.

A trembling hand reaches up, brushing over his fur and feeling the softness against your fingertips. And is he ever so soft, and warm, and breathing.

His stomach rises and falls, slowly, but there is life in him. You lean down, pressing your face against his head, noticing his ears twitch before a groan leaves his body.

“Please…” You’re hopeful, pulling away to look at him with wide eyes. “Please let me know you’re okay. I’m so sorry.”

A second later you wrap your arms around him, trying to pull his heavy body close with your face buried into his fur. “I’m so sorry.” You repeat the words, not knowing what else to say or do to get him back. You have done this to him, and caused him pain and now you don’t know how to fix him. “Please wake up.”

He remains on the edge of his life, barely feeling him breathe and not responding to you at all. You try again, gripping him harder and telling him to wake up with your tears falling against his broken body.

“Damnit,” you cry out, hurt and angry and wanting him more than anything else in the world as you grab the tiny vial from your neck, ripping the chain to send it crashing to the floor. His blood, just as red and warm as the day you received it, spills to the stone floor. “I didn’t want to do it. I don’t want the stupid vial anymore, or control over you, I just want you.” You’re sobbing the words, your cries filling the hallway, surely to alert anyone walking nearby, but you don’t care.

How could you care, when the only thing you wanted in life, and the only person you ever loved and ever needed, is slowly slipping from your grasp?

“Please,” you whimper his name one last time, “I love you.”

You set him down, watching his breathing slow by the minute, each second passing is another second he is leaving you. You crawl away, not wanting to feel the pain of what you have caused, even though it remains all around you. Your eyes shut, not being able to look at him any longer, thinking of all the times your feelings went unsaid and knowing he will never get to hear you say the words you want to tell him the most.

You pull your legs to your body, dress becoming dirtier the longer you sit on the ground, with your head resting against your knees. You feel the tears settling at the brim of your lids, not having the strength to fall just like you don’t have the strength to carry on.

“I’m sorry,” you whisper, voice cracking even if it’s barely audible, “so, so sorry.”

“Sorry? For what?”

Your eyes open in a flash, head jerking up to see his exhausted eyes and slight grin staring back at you, causing you to nearly lunge at him with arms around his neck and face burying in his chest. He is in his human form, naked and alive and tired, and alive, and sweaty, but alive.

You want to shout his name as loud as you can, blinking up at him and debating whether to pinch yourself to see if you are dreaming.

“Princess…” Tiredly, he raises a hand to push the hair from your face.

“I thought I had lost you!” It’s hard to keep your voice down, wanting to scream because he is alive and kiss his lips, because he is alive.

“I didn’t mean to worry you, princess.” He must have read your mind, a second later leaning down to press his quivering lips against yours, softly just like all the times before. “I hate to worry you.”

“Oh.” You squeeze him harder, not ever wanting to let him go now that you have him. “I never thought I would get to hear your voice again. I never thought that I would be able to tell you I-” You freeze, looking up into his eyes as he returned the gaze.

“Tell me what?” He grins, tired and exhausted. “You can tell me anything.”

“I love you,” you say, proud, not wanting to go without words and without telling him how you feel any longer, “I love you. And man or wolf, there’s no one I could ever love more than you.”

He freezes, lips parting and staring at you, blinking, before a smile forms on his lips and he leans in, kissing you once more for good measure. “I love you, too, princess.”

You help him to your room undetected by any other guards. His body weak and worn from the shift, he leans on you the entire way until he settles against the cloth of your sheets.

“I’m so sorry,” you repeat, over and over. You kiss his face to ease the tension as a heaviness weighs down on your chest. You hate that knight for what he made you do. Like some sort of sick and twisted game, he watched you torture the person you love most. The weight of the guilt makes you sick to your stomach. “So, so sorry.”

“Princess,” he groans, shifting weight to become comfortable, “I’m fine. I’m here. It’s alright.”

“It’s not,” you gasp, on the verge of tears from what you just witnessed. “He should have to pay for hurting you. For hurting us.”

“I don’t disagree.” His light chuckle makes the situation easier to deal with. The room lightens at the sound. “But it’s not worth everyone finding out about us. All I care about is you, okay? Plus, I’m stronger in wolf form, remember? While I was laying there, I was actually healing. Please, don’t worry, darling.”

You hesitate for only a moment before nodding, a tear finally hitting your cheek while his words settle. “All I care about is you.” You lean in, pressing your lips to his own. “I love you.” The words whispered feel like a promise to his flesh. His smile eased your worries.

It happens so naturally the way you give in to one another. Later, you will worry about the knight and how to no longer hide your feelings. Tonight, you give yourself to him in the most intimate way you can imagine. His body regains strength before pulling you closer. Your lips meet him for what feels like the millionth time, yet it feels different. You feel closer. You belong to him more than this wolf has ever belonged to you. He owns every part, and you make him know from the pressure in which your skin presses to his own. You whimper for him. You cry out for him when he pulls away, just so he will know what you want. The final step to make your fate with one another come alive.

Your dress is disregarded in careful, yet urgent movements. Your body lays bare before him. His motions are slow and steady, careful not to give in to the ache felt from shifting for the first time, even if he is mostly healed. He settles between your parted legs against the bed, mouth moving from your lips to go lower.

“Princess,” he groans against collarbones, “you’re mine.”

“I know,” you exhale, closing your eyes to focus on his kisses lowering to your breasts.

“No one can change that. No one can stop my love for you, or the things I’m going to do to you right now.” He presses a kiss against your hardened nipple before taking the flesh between his lips, sucking softly just to hear the desperate noises you make. “If anything, making me shift makes me hungrier for you, Princess. It awakened something in me. Now I want all of you, all the time.”

A shiver courses through your body from his words a second before fire erupts between your legs. He kisses your parted folds tenderly once he ventures lower, licking at your flesh to earn your back arching from the bed. His tongue traveles lower and then back up, tasting the enticing nectar that drips out only for him. His palms grip your thighs, holding you in place, sucking on your flesh until his heart’s content. Trembling fingers find their way to his hair, gasps falling from your lips from the bliss swelling inside your body.

“Tastes so good, Princess, just like always,” he groans. “So good, so perfect, and all mine.” The syllable ends in a growl as he buries his face harder between your thighs. Another gasp hits the air, becoming lost in the way he makes your body quiver.

“I-” Your voice becomes desperate, shaking, body disobeying your need to tell him what you want as your hips roll against his mouth. “I… want you.”

With that, you pull him closer though the flesh between your thighs aches for his talented tongue. He raises to meet your eyes, searching your face for the answer.

“Anything,” he says, voice so soft you almost miss it. “Anything for you. I’d give you the entire kingdom if I could, Princess, just tell me what you need.”

Your heart pounds harder. An ache settles in your chest of realization. You love him to the point of hurting, yet you wouldn’t have it any other way.

“I want to know how you feel inside of me,” is all you say. Your hands instinctively reach for his bare hips, the shredded clothes lost on the floor along with your own. You pull him closer, feeling his hardened length pressing against where you need him most.

Softly, he grins before leaning in to kiss you once more. He’s quick to line himself against your entrance, distracting you with feathery affection against your neck while easing himself inside of your body. He’s slow, gentle, taking his time because in the moment, you two feel like you have an eternity.

“Tell me how you feel,” he whispers against your ear, his own voice shaking, giving away how nervous he suddenly is, yet how urgently he needs you. “How does it feel, Princess?”

Your body shakes beneath him, unfamiliar to the pressure of him so thick and full inside you. Your walls squeeze around him, trying to adjust. He doesn’t move a bit, allowing you to take it all in and see you’re alright before carrying on.

“A bit overwhelming,” you tell him honestly, hearing him smile through a chuckle. “Overwhelming, but so perfect.”

He kisses you on the lips again before beginning to move his hips. You gasp when he pulls away, only to press his hips into you once more. He fills you again, earning your eyes to snap shut. All you can focus on is the pressure that soon turns into bliss when he repeats the motions. Without thinking, your body rolls against him, matching the slow and steady movements to feel him enter you even deeper.

It doesn’t take much long to fall into a rhythm. He thrusts into you with a little more desperation. Your nails dig into his shoulders while he holds you close. He makes love to you in the only way that feels right in the moment, giving himself to you completely as you do the same. Whimpers of his name fill the room for his ears only. He whispers encouragements to you between groaning and full on growling, telling you how good you feel, how he loves to be inside of you.

You belong to him just as much as he belongs to you. Except now, it’s not because of a pact, or his blood, or because he’s a wolf. It’s because you’re in love with one another, and would give up everything to feel this way forever.

#omg apparently i wrote this 8ish years ago because thats when the veronicas song was released LOL anyway i rewrote this with smut this time~#bts smut #marvel smut #call of duty smut #twilight smut #harry potter smut #jungkook smut #loki smut #nct smut #got7 smut #monsta x smut #stray kids smut #harry styles smut #ghost smut #jimin smut #taehyung smut

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