Rereading the available TCoR chapters after rereading Inkheart is so funny. Throughout the whole first book everyone makes fun of Basta for being superstitious and believing in curses, like an idiot. 

Cut to TCoR and 3/4 of the cast is cancelled due to Being Cursed

HI ITS THE ANON THAT POINTED OUT TUBBO BEING IMMUNE TO MIMICS!! IM BACK AND IM SO INSANE!!!! IM LITERALLY SHAKING YOU IN A SNOW GLOBE RN. Everything about this new chapter is so AAAAA I LOVE IT SM!! also also ive decided to reread the whole series so i could take notes on everything- ive been having a wonderful time <3Something horrible ive realized with the fact that Mimics can read anything’s mind is that they can change into the Warden (if the wardens are actually alive still). (1/4)

HELLO ANON GOOD ON YOU FOR FIGURING THAT OUT!! <3 What kind of snow globe? Is it one of those cool ones you get from a zoo? :D

Thank yoouuuu <3<3 JFJSKJKSK that is a long read :o I wish you luck jgfddkgkfd please ignore any plot holes I may have forgotten to fill in along the way <3

:) Hehehehe now that's an idea isn't it... so this just in I quickly pulled up minecraft to make sure Wardens don't aggro on each other (since they aggro on literally everything else) so :) I'm just sayin, if there's a Warden or even something that looks like a Warden.... (of course, there's no telling if the Mimics can fool a Warden, since the Warden uses scent :) ) But gods, yeah, they would be pretty fucked if a Mimic mimicked a Warden- something intelligent and able to make choices and not run off instinct alone? Rip-

Half Fae is Fae enough but yes, if he was full Fae the backlash would probably have been much worse/outright killed him since full Fae are 100% made of Fae magic and Scar actually has a flesh and blood body alongside his magic so <3 That isn't to say his body isn't made of magic at all though... mm :)

hahahaha oh yeah, the water.... :) the Void-fog was foreshadowed by the "heavy" shadows Mumbo kept losing his own shadows in so <3 The smell of mold and water and Sculk........ That was honestly more to emphasize how long this place has been here, and was a very subtle hint (that won't be understood the first read through) that they're approaching an Ancient City. So the fun thing there isn't that Mumbo really doubts Scar loves him. Mumbo's real doubt is that he deserves to be loved by Scar, which the Mimic kind of twisted and then Mumbo started thinking about it, but he's stronger than that and has Tubbo there to reaffirm it <3 Lmao Scar would tell Tubbo little things that added up to Tubbo <3 Tis why Tubbo so easily trusted Mumbo the very first time he met him- because Scar holds Mumbo in high regard, he MUST be trustworthy!! :D lmao-

It's alright, I am no stranger to posting/messaging at 3 AM <3

I LIVE FOR MIDNIGHT!SCAR AND TUBBO'S RELATIONSHIP it is just so hjfsdjkhgfdjk I adore them <3 The funny thing is that line has actually already been revealed on my tumblr haha I won't reveal it now tho :) I don't feel like it's MAJORLY impactful tbh, it doesn't feel plot-essential to me, but. Ya know. It's fine <3

fhjsdfhjkgksd thank you so much!!! I'm so glad you're enjoying it!! <3 Hhhjjhgh <3

So the word count thing! If you're following me and you see me pop up on your dash (on desktop, idk about phone), you can actually hit my icon on your dash. It'll bring up a pop-up of my blog and if you hit ask on that pop-up blog, rather than going directly to my blog, it'll remove the character limit! It's how I have anons who send me essays <3

So, Darcy’s mea culpa at the end of P&P is interesting to me for a few reasons.

He goes out of his way to emphasize that he’s not talking about some development of the last few years, but his character from childhood—8 to 28.

His representation of himself is decidedly incompatible with the testimonies we heard at Pemberley, especially the one from Mrs Reynolds.

His insistence on Elizabeth’s innocence in her misjudgments conflicts pretty sharply with Elizabeth’s own dramatic mea culpa after his letter and her general sense of responsibility for her errors.

He manages to simultaneously argue that his faults were created by his parents and he didn’t know better until Elizabeth’s reality check, and that his own mistakes were monumental and inexcusable.

With regard to #1 and #2, I think the most likely explanation is that both he and Mrs Reynolds are (unintentionally) exaggerating—his remorse and relief leads him to overstate his failings from childhood on, while her affection leads her to idealize him and Georgiana, and dismiss all criticisms.

#3 makes it clearer that he’s not an entirely reliable judge in this interchange. He won’t blame her because, IMO, he’s too in love and thrilled, but the narrative does not excuse her to nearly the same degree. It makes sense that he would feel that way, for sure—this isn’t a criticism of the writing—but I don’t think we’re meant to fully adopt his view.

#4 is where it gets really interesting, because that is a very, very delicate balance.

It’s important to him that Elizabeth knows he isn’t fundamentally assholish, but rather, that his mistakes arose from how he was brought up, and he adjusted course as soon as he understood them. (Veering into headcanon a bit, I think part of the purpose of this is assuring her that she can trust that his current behaviour is what she’ll find in marriage.) At the same time that he blames his parents, though, he also idealizes them (especially his father) and avoids criticizing them directly, instead focusing on his own faults and moral responsibility for them.

That’s what I find most compelling about his speech, tbh. It manages to balance an awareness of the largely external factors that made him the way he was and to avoid wholly dismissing his responsibility for his own behaviour. I think there’s often a tendency to treat flaws based on upbringing as entirely dismissable (because other people created them) or to go in for the psychological bootstraps of insisting people should just magically know better than what they’ve been taught and simply lift themselves up by this age or that. But this walks between those two things, so that the impression for most readers is that he has flaws and made mistakes that he’s answerable for, but also that being influenced by dubious parenting doesn’t make him (or you) a fundamentally bad person.

I think that balance is one of the main reasons his character and development work so well for me. Even early on, we can see signs of his underlying personality as well as his flaws, and that underlying personality is revealed as better and better as the second half of the novel progresses, but his flaws are treated as significant, things that he is morally obligated to at least partially overcome once he understands them, while a few of them persist enough to be a) funny and b) credible. It’s just ... his character is put together in such an interesting, satisfying way overall, but especially in terms of his faults.

If you're still doing hcs, how about the brothers (undatables too but only if you want) with an MC who's been more uncomfortable around the angels than the demons, even before the angelic demons event?

MC More Comfortable with Demons than Angels

Warnings: None (I think)

Summary: How the Obey Me! Characters would react to an MC who feels much more comfortable around demons and is extremely uncomfortable around the angels

- A bit offended tbh; I mean is he really less scary than an ANGEL

- But when he realizes this is something he can hold over Simeon’s head he is ecstatic

- Super smug about it whenever its brought up in front of the two angel exchange students

- “Oh? MC is quiet around you and barely talks, that's odd they talk a lot and tell me everything.”

- Is literally just the biggest asshole about it and its so funny to imagine omg

- Though if he notices that they are extremely uncomfortable around Simeon and Luke he will take action to ensure MC is comfortable and more demons are around them

- He is stunned, he has never met a human (who doesn’t practice magic) that prefers demons over angels

- Cocky about it and is constantly bragging to Luke and Simeon about how MC likes him so much better

- Thinks he is the coolest person ever in MC’s eyes

- If he notices MC is extremely uncomfortable he will immediately step in and take them away from the angles

- Is sure to stay close to them when they are around the angels

- not because he likes them.... just because... i-it’s his job!

- He is so relieved

- One of his biggest insecurities when talking to non-demons is the fact that he IS a demon

- So when MC looks to him for help whenever the angels are around he is so happy, he might literally cry about it

- If the Angels need to visit the HOL for any reason he will drag them to his room to hangout with him because the angels are least likely to bother him out of all his brothers

- Will blush if MC is so uncomfortable that they hide behind him/grab onto him 

- Finds it intriguing 

- MC is not a usual human and he really wants to know what made them this way

- Will ask questions and be disappointed but understanding if MC does not want to tell him yet

- holds their hand/puts an arm around their shoulders or waist if the angels come to close or are trying to converse with MC

- Very good at scaring both the angels away

- hides in the library a lot with MC if the angels are in the HOL

- SO CUTE!!!

- He loves how MC stays by his side whenever the angels come into view

- Teases them about it and tells them they must be naughty if they get along so well with the impure

- Asks MC why they like the demons more and will whine if MC doesn’t tell him

- Constantly holding onto MC at RAD in case they see an angel 

- knows that the angels want to be closer with MC but he’s not gonna let that happen

- Feels a bit bad for the angels

- But if MC is uncomfortable it’s his duty to protect them, seeing as they have a pact

-Will block the angels from talking to MC by literally standing between the human and angels

- He only goes to Purgatory Hall to bake with Luke because he doesn’t want MC to be uncomfortable with him inviting the little angel over

- Asks what caused them to dislike angels and will respect their decision to tell him or not seeing as he has trauma with the Celestial realm that took him centuries to come to terms with, 

- and the human is so young compared to him that he doubts whatever happened has settled down for them yet

- Doesn’t blame MC

- Makes fun of the angels behind MC’s back like the brat he is

- Growls at the angels if they try to talk to MC

- Is constantly clinging to MC as they wander the halls of RAD

- If either angel comes over to the HOL he drags MC to the attic for a nap

- and if it makes them uncomfortable that they are sleeping while angels are in the house he is sure to reassure them that they are safe with him and he wont let the angels near them

- Asks Lucifer if they should send the angels home

- When he realizes the problems that would cause he just opts to stalk MC when they are in school and require a brother to be with them at all times

- Threatens Simeon that if he or Luke go near MC he will personally see to it they can never speak again

- Friends with Simeon and sometimes has him come to the castle, and if MC is in the castle as well he has Barbatos hang out with them across the building so that he can meet with Simeon for important matters

- has canceled dinner plans with Simeon multiple times because MC decided to stay over

- Understanding about it and tries to steer MC clear of the angels 

- Watches MC whenever the angels try and talk to them so that he knows whether or not he should step in

- If he notices one of the angels about to approach MC he steps in to tell them that Diavolo would like to meet with them on urgent matters

- Dia is always confused when the angels arrive but figures Barbatos must’ve had reason, so he goes along with it

- Asks MC what caused them to be so uncomfortable around angels while they are in a private and comfortable location

- overall v supportive 100/10 recommend having this man around to protect you

- Laughs because he thinks they are joking, surely he’s the only human that truly feels that way!

- but after observing the way that MC behaved around his roommates, he realized they were not lying

- Finally feels understood in his comfort being around demons and will gladly avoid the angels with MC

- Avoids inviting MC over no matter how badly he wants to

- if the angels are still approaching MC a significant amount he will confront them about it and tell them to stop it because they are making a human sad, which goes against angel ethics

- Understands and is super kind overall about it

- He notices MC’s apparent discomfort around him and Luke pretty much right away

- He thinks maybe they are just a shy and timid person so he continues to approach them and talk with them

- After a few weeks of this he realizes that the discomfort never improves and only seems to worsen and he begins to think he is the problem

- When someone tells him that MC is just a bit uncomfortable around angels his whole demeanor changes

- He opts to only talk to them when necessary or if they look like they genuinely need help

- sad that such a kind human could be so weary of his race, but knows that sometimes these things are out of everyone’s control

- :(

- He thinks that MC must think he is an annoying chihuahua just like everybody else does, so he is rude to them in response as it is how he copes with the loneliness sometimes

- When he realizes its because MC is uncomfortable around Angels, he is quick to try and change their mind about them

- He will constantly bother them to try and get them to loosen up

- But when it doesn’t seem to work he realizes that sometimes you just have to leave people alone and let them live their own way to make them happy

Is The Untamed any good? Also I hope you're well :D

All is well in my world at the moment, thank you!

I am enjoying The Untamed. I don't consume a lot of Asian media because the storytelling conventions are often different to what I'm used to, and the cultural specificity of everything from naming traditions/honorifics to ghost and magic lore is completely impenetrable to me. I'm just not equipped to take all that on board (I admire Western people who seem to click right into all of this; I guess that is just not a brand of intelligence I have). I am pretty lost quite a bit of the time, in a similar way to how lost I am watching science fiction--I just figure out who the good guys are and who the bad guys are, and I root for the good guys, and sometimes it's funny or exciting, but all of the context and backstory is pretty much impenetrable to me. Not really understanding what's going on doesn't prevent me from enjoying things--I never understood much of Doctor Who and yet I loved it dearly for many years.

(Lan Wangji aka Lan Zhan and Wei Wuxian aka Wei Ying, who you will be shipping within the first three minutes of this series; it's not subtle)

There are about seven hundred characters, and each of them has at least two names (often three or more) which are used indiscriminately, as far as I can tell because I don't understand when which name would be used. After E1, I sought out a "if you're confused by The Untamed" article online that helped sort out some of my puzzlement. Since then I haven't needed any crutches, though I have mildly wondered a few things I might look up later (like. . .why they left the ancient [is it ancient?] Chinese Hogwarts-style magic school even though no one seemed to graduate or anything; as far as I can tell the sexy silly one got kicked out and for some reason the sexy solemn one and the flamboyant side-character went with him? Adventuring? Whatever, they're adventuring now I guess.)

(this one with the fan, Nie [someone, maybe Huisang?], is their sidekick/pet/foil or something. I think he's just there to cockblock them, tbh. Because they REALLY want to bone.)

The costumes and hair and art direction/sets/effects are gorgeous--though for some reason it looks better on my phone than on a television set???--and they do start out as teenagers so I don't want to get too dirty-minded about it, but that's a YMMV situation.

I'm about 10 episodes in...there's this overarching story about monsters (demons or ghosts or suchlike, I’m not sure), and a clan of bad guys trying to reassemble a broken rock that will. . .do something. Maybe unleash hell on earth? It's a doomsday machine type thing. Our heroes are fighting a lot of minor monsters on their way to. . .get the doomsday machine before the bad guys do. I think.

OH! And! Our Untamed OTP form a steel guitar and recorder band, and the magical power of their music kills the devil! Or similar!

Anyway, yes, if even I can watch it without getting bored or hopelessly lost, it's probably pretty good. Can recommend. Only subtitled, so hard to watch casually, but c'est la.

so i’ve finally watched s3 of free! and i wanted to put my thoughts in about it and hopefully also get some ppl to reply (respectfully) with their own input? also sorry if my knowledge of free seems spotty or incomplete since i don’t obviously have all free lore burned into my head so pls inform or correct me on anything i’m missing!

anyways before even watching s3, i noticed it was pretty widespread that s3 was rather disappointing or at least fell short to s1&2. and not only that, but i could see that s3 was likely going to be a bit disappointing just bc of how many less ppl were interested in it or even knew about it (ofc popularity=/=good but i doubted that the loss in numbers was just bc time had passed) sadly, the season actually exceeded my expectations of the worst.

first of all, i think way too many characters were introduced without any need of them being there. ofc not all of them seemed worthless to being there, but i think at least half of them didn’t have a need of being there (or at least didn’t need to appear as much as they did) or they could’ve at least waited to introduce them. don’t get me wrong, i loved characters like isuzu and albert, but with how little they appeared or added to the plot, i don’t think they were necessary at all. they introduced so many characters and kind of tried to forcefully endear them to us but it just seemed really shallow and random. i was really uninterested in the new iwatobi hs sc tbh (i love rei and nagisa, but i just don’t feel anything for the new members tho it was funny how the new manager is interested in fat instead of muscles) i don’t think isuzu was worth introducing, but i do get why they introduced albert at least. he was supposed to serve as their first rival introduced strictly from the professional world, and to emphasize there are many people above them not just in japan but the “world stage” but i definitely think they could’ve waited on that until the free 2021 movie tbh. plus i felt that any conflict he brought to haru was resolved within 1 maybe 2 episodes so yea they definitely didn’t really need him bc he hasn’t had much impact (yet) if anything, they could’ve just had him briefly appear at that training camp haru was at to race him and beat him to remind him that he still has a long way to go to get to the top. but all other appearances of albert were so extra and unnecessarily emphasized how inhumanely talented he was (the arcade scene, the thing with the chopsticks,etc) it just felt like really weak foreshadowing

also, the main conflict in s3 was just way too prolonged and solved unsatisfactorily. first of all, i don’t know why the blame seemed to be shifted by ikuya and hiyori almost solely to haru, like yes he was the one who quit first but it wasn’t an attack specifically to ikuya and the rest of them left too, so they should’ve held more grudges on haru makoto and asahi rather than just haru (or if anything at least have more blame on asahi bc makoto at least talked to ikuya beforehand) like did he just forget asahi also made a promise to not move away? honestly from the content they gave us, i’d argue that asahi and ikuya were actually closer than how ikuya and haru were, since i feel like most of the latter relationship was based on ikuya admiring harus swimming.

second of all, hiyori was another character i found so unnecessary and just weirdly protective over ikuya. he repeatedly gets in the way between them and ikuya when ikuya never said he didn’t want to talk to them (and it’s not like talking to them is gonna give him a health relapse) and so he just seemed to be there to prolong the conflict between them which was irritating. not even natsuya, ikuya’s actual brother, was that obsessive over him so i really don’t get hiyori. even sousuke, who was actually friends with rin before haru and the others were was not that possessive over rin, and there was actually pretty good reasoning why he had a grudge against haru (he didn’t see haru taking swimming as seriously as rin and thought that would cause him to hold back rin who looked up to haru, and was jealous that haru who had the talent to swim the world stage with rin wasn’t taking advantage of it when sousuke wanted to but couldnt bc of his injury) and like what right did he have to say to haru that his swimming hurts others when it didn’t even affect ikuya negatively (instead it inspired him and led to him wanting to swim like haru) like how haru originally thought it did to rin and how it did to asahi in high speed 2?

third of all, like i said before the way they solved the conflict between ikuya and the rest made little sense. like yes harus swimming is magical but i don’t get how swimming IM with him could instantly solve all the problems between them. (ik that it was based on the promise they made to race each other but i’ll get into that part and how shallow it felt later) if anything, i think what would’ve been more impactful was something happening to ikuya that made him realize that he can/should rely on/trust others, (maybe a more serious accident?) and enjoy swimming with a team and not just alone since his personal conflict was that he thought swimming alone was better than swimming with others when actually he was lonely (at least it was in starting days). and that wouldn’t even have to be with haru and the others that he learns that lesson. it could be with his own university team and hiyori, which would give hiyori a much better purpose of being there. (or they could’ve just not had him exist) if they were so inclined to have closure between ikuya and the other boys by having them resolve ikuyas personal conflict, i feel like it should’ve been at least haru AND asahi (maybe even makoto too but idk how thatd work when he’s no longer competing) racing him in the same race (if not them doing a relay but i guess they didn’t want to make it too obvious than they already were that they were just recycling the plot of s1 (lol)) if anything i think they could’ve even waited for them to reconcile while they were on the olympic team, but ig kyoani didn’t want to wait that long to reintroduce ikuya and wanted to use s3 to warm ppl up to the idea of ikuya being on the olympic team which they didn’t do very well considering how bad the development was

also what was with ikuya saying he swims his own way while obviously taking sm inspiration fron the way haru swam? it was so contradictory and even as kids haru told ikuya to swim his own way when ikuya told him that he wanted to be like haru and he understood that obviously but didn’t apply that to his actions at all? and i’m surprised haru was ok with ikuya blatantly copying him when i vaguely rmb that he’s been shown to get annoyed with even makoto when he seemed to be doing that?

another fault in having all these characters was that haru’s actual personality seemed to be taken away for the sake of these characters.

they wanted to establish a deeper relationship between ikuya and haru, but it just seemed so off the way they went about it in free! haru promising ikuya to race him just felt so ooc to me and had little emotional impact tbh bc of the lack of reasoning i felt haru had to agree to such a thing besides him promising ikuya that just bc he asked rather than bc he actually wanted to race ikuya. (while it took rin weeks to get haru to warm up to him and then agree to the relay, and seeing the process of haru getting used to the idea then openly enjoying swimming with the others was really touching) i think they just added that to make harus quitting have more impact on ikuya but i don’t think it was necessary at all when they already made plans with the rest to swim the relay again and win. if they wanted to make it seem like ikuya and haru had more of a one on one relationship with each other they should’ve gone into more about how haru saw the same darkness in ikuya that he did in himself like in high speed 2. make them bond over their similarities since i’m pretty sure ikuyas purpose as a character is to give haru a rival that is like how sousuke is to rin is; which is being rivals while being two of the same person. (in contrast to haru and rin who are very different and are rivals that inspire each other) but the way they try to establish the relationship between ikuya and haru pales sm in comparison to sousuke and rin that it’s a bit laughable, even more so in those occasional moments where they try to act like ikuya can measure up to rin’s impact on haru

another much more obvious event where haru’s character is forced to act ooc for the sake of the establishment of another character is with albert. yes, haru has grown a lot from the beginning of the series and has gotten a lot more open, expressive, and friendly, but that’s mostly just to the friends around him, but that’s not even to all of them (he still seems to find kisumi irritating and in TYM tries to leave at the sight of him lol) so him noticing, randomly approaching a stranger he doesn’t know a single thing about to help them order food and then even going far as to have lunch with him was the most blatantly ooc thing in the season. i think he may be polite enough to help him order his food but i don’t get why he even noticed albert in the first place. they should’ve just left him noticing albert to be at the practice race. like i said that scene was just there to emphasize albert’s skill with the chopstick thing but i think saying he was the world record holder and also being way ahead of haru in the race was already enough

besides haru’s character, another character i felt they did wrong was makoto. besides the plot of s1 being recycled, s3 makoto seemed to just repeat the development he went through in s2. by the end of s2, he already establishes that he wants to coach swimmers. and at the end of s3 he comes to that same realization but acts like it’s something completely new to him introduced by nao that he never thought of before?? the only difference was that he said in s2 he wanted to help kids realize how great swimming is, which was sweet and suited his personality, but in s3 he says he wants to do it for athletes on the world stage. tbh i like either way, and the latter one would help him be able to stand with rin and haru who in s2 he was afraid of being left behind by (hence why he swam the free against haru in s2) but saying that being an olympic trainer can also help him inspire kids and show them swimming is fun makes no sense. choose a path you want for the character already and make it consistent does he want to help athletes in the world stage or does he want to help kids fall in love with swimming? bc i doubt any kids pay attention to the coach or trainers in the olympics rather than the actual athletes so that reasoning like i said didn’t make sense.

and after haru lost what i think was the 200m (?) free at the All Japan Invitational, i found it weird that they had makoto there after to talk with haru and rin about the race? idk to me it just feels like it’s tradition for it to end up just being rin and haru talking when they’re struggling with swimming (in s1 was their fight in front of the tree that looked like the one by their elementary, in s2 it was the australia trip) his presence didn’t even feel necessary either, he just randomly interrupted the moment by saying his future plans after haru had that angst yell lol. it felt like just an appeal to mh shippers which is not a good enough reason at all

the last point i can remember at the moment is that the ending was so underwhelming. i don’t understand why they couldn’t have shown the ending to rin and harus 100m free race when the movie trailer already confirms that they’re going to the olympics. why cut to albert watching them on the tv?? all this build up to not even show the results of it? I think this ending really just confirmed that s3 was so unnecessary and just there to warm ppl up to the olympic movie but not actually give us anything good or plot moving

anyways sorry for this dump. besides all these criticisms, i want to say there were parts of it that i enjoyed, i just didn’t go into it bc this post is already so long, and me bagging on ikuya was not hate; i actually like him and the only time i teared up in s3 was in his race with natsuya lol. i’m afraid that at some parts i may have not expressed my thoughts exactly so please don’t be too harsh if you engage, but i’d love to hear other ppl’s analysis of s3 and the characters as well !!

Reading the other anon’s ask, I realized the real reason why I don’t like Jake much here. Cuz he got to cum but I don’t 🤣 Yes I was jealous omg. And I just realized. I won’t mind if it really is a 3 way relationship where Jake love both reader and Sunghoon but the fact that he’s only in love with Sunghoon make him feel like a rival. And I get nth out of seeing 2 boys fking if they’re not my lovers. One of the reason I avoid yaoi comics. I can’t relate to any of the main characters. I’m not a bi but I can relate and read yuri. But yaoi was never my thing. Bmit is really good tho. And tbh I wanna see more of the story than the smut there. Like how Sunghoon will break y/n. Can’t wait for it cuz your writings are always well put tgt and top notch 😭❤️❤️

Also will you be continuing taeyong fic? The professor reader one?

-🐍

It's funny because reader sees hoon as her rival but you guys see jake as the rival. Once again I have to say it's a mistake on my part for being too obvious about the main couple too early on but oh well

Yesss exactly I never understood the appeal of mxm fics or yaoi comics or shipping male idols together by female fans. Like what do you get out of it? To each their own I guess

Thanks babe! I'll try to keep the writing as adequate as possible and hopefully I can get through this fic without abandoning it 😂

I really wanna continue the ty fic because I actually have a really good storyline for it but there are like 20 fics that take precedence over it and the only way for me to finish it is if I somehow get obsessed with ty again which I don't know if I can reclaim that magic again 😂

“do you even lift bro?” extra notes i - iii:

I finally finished rereading all my “do you even lift bro?” stories! Man, I feel like I wrote them ages ago. As I mentioned before, I have been going back to do grammatical edits and what not. In the process, I’ve also been noting down my thought process for writing these pieces, and little easter eggs I put in for fun~ This extra notes will contain my thoughts from versions i to iii! 

*please do not read if you haven’t read “do you even lift bro?” ver i - iii. 

The title came to me immediately upon reading the request hahah. originally, it was meant to just be fluffy and cute... but I think it’s actually pretty funny. To me, at least hahah. 

Divus’s was the one exception, but i’ll get into that later.

The reader personality was based on one of my ocs. She was also the oc in my special Malleus x OC story, “bright eyes.”

I went with her because she was an OC, who, in my opinion, is the epitome of a optimistic fangirl lmao. If you’ve read “bright eyes” then I think you’d understand what I mean hahahah. 

For ver i--I think I definitely wrote Riddle’s first. followed by Leona, Azul, Malleus, Kalim, Vil then Idia. 

One of my best friends is a super huge Riddle stan (if you’re reading this, hi sis!) so I wrote his story primarily with her energy in mind. In short, she would most definitely bench press Riddle. 

Her energy + the base reader personality makes Riddle’s story one of the most fun actually. His reader is probably the most mischievous ones--which I thought balanced out well with Riddle’s actual personality. 

Leona’s story is heavily influenced by pride dynamics. It’s common knowledge that it’s the female lions who hunt hence why in Afterglow Savanna--the women are stronger. Leona is royalty, so I assumed that from a young age he’d be told to wed a strong woman. 

I also need to note that Leona is described as respecting women. here’s the thing, I’m pretty sure it’s specifically women from Afterglow Savanna because they could bench press him. That’s not to say he doesn’t respect all women--he probably just puts women from Afterglow Savanna on a different standard because of his experience with them. Either way, you surprised him greatly, and assume that Leona will not be able to look you in the eye for awhile.

Azul’s story specifically takes place after Jamil SR Lab Coat episodes and Azul’s R PE Uniform episodes. I found their relationship funny, and thought it would be fun to continue off from there. 

Most of Azul’s stories come from me just wanting to fluster the hell out of Azul... that being said, I did delve a bit into the magic of TWST for this one. I remember it was Crowley (was it in the prologue?) who noted that magic is dependent also on how much someone believed in their ability to do something. This is why Azul falls down haha, his will faltered and he stopped believing. 

Jamil doesn’t get a break at all, doesn’t he? The reader and Jamil actually vibe really well because they both understood enough about Kalim to know what he was doing.

I think I remember being pretty stuck on which one to do for this. I think it was reading Jamil’s SSR Dorm Uniform story that really made me have an ‘aha’ moment on how to write it--since something like this happens on there. 

Surprisingly for Vil, once I had figured out that I wanted to write him getting mobbed, and being saved by his reader--it flowed out really fast from there. 

For Vil, I always end up bringing up the issue that he’s something like a celebrity and you are one in the million who adore him. I thought that this was just one way to sort of tackle your relationship together. 

I really enjoyed highlighting how you love Vil different from the rest who adore him. The importance of how you see his flaws and still love him--especially because as an influencer Vil has a certain pressure to appear in a certain way. 

Idia’s was the last one I wrote, but I had a lot of fun because I stuffed it full of references. I figured that Idia’s thought process would be more of him thinking life as a game, that’s why he uses terms like support level often in my writing. 

On that note, I know ‘Gao-Gao Dragon-kun’ is a reference to Tamagotchi, but I decided to just merge up Tamagotchi and Pokemon in this case. Hence why ‘Gao-Gao Shield and Sword’ existed lmao. I didn’t put too much effort in that and just switched ‘Shield and Sword’’s order HAHAH. I did consider making it ‘Gao-Gao Gun and Wand’ though. 

‘Water Crest: The Seven Dorms’ is a reference to Fire Emblem: Three Houses. I felt incredibly clever when I came up with that HAHAH. But also, when he references support levels, he’s talking about a gameplay in Fire Emblem. For people who aren’t familiar with this, essentially, FE has a system wherein the more you use two units together the likely their support will rise. The supports go from C-B-A-S, with S as the highest. When Idia says he works hard on S Support, he literally means he went out of his way to spend time with you and befriend you. Isn’t that cute? When he references SS Support, it actually doesn’t exist HAHA, but he didn’t realize there was “another level” sort of thing xD

When I write funny Malleus stories, the other members of Diasomnia are likely to be hiding in the bushes. Most funny stuff probably fly over Malleus’s head so... The other Diasomnia members pop in to react hahaha.

To Malleus, your tendency to treat him as a regular person, and not treating him as a lord--makes him incredibly fond of you. It’s because you treat him as an equal, that makes him treat you as an equal. I also think this was the piece where he started calling you “bright light.” There’s no deeper meaning to it, he really just sees you as a bright light--like a brilliant star. You, literally, light up the world. :,) 

Ver ii order of writing--Ashton, Dire, Divus. I had come up with the premise of Divus first though. 

I think Dire was the hardest one for me, because I kept worrying about things like--’what if he’s not actually like this,’ or ‘what if that isn’t how he would actually act’ etc etc. but I think it turned out pretty alright.

Dire, for all his claims of being a kind person--I think actually is a kind guy. He does have the tendency to be a little manipulative and whatnot... but at the end of the day he does care.

For Divus, I sniffed GBF Belial’s Perfume because I wanted to get inspired (and I sort of headcanon they smelled alike) but it went horny too fast. 

Divus is naturally intrigued with you, and he’s also very aware you’re attracted to him. So it amuses him to fluster you. He’s very aware of how good-looking he is, and he doesn’t mind flirting with people.

How I chose to portray Divus is actually based on how @avionvadion writes Divus in her story “Once Upon A Dream.” please check it out! It’s a super cute fanfic about a girl in Twisted Wonderland~ 

Ashton... I was surprised at how fast I was able to write his piece actually hahha. I went with a no braincell, but cheerful and all-around good guy. 

I don’t think there was a lot of Ashton to really research about, but... I just tried to make him good guy Gaston... for now xD 

Ver iii--it went Floyd, Jamil, Jade, Rook, Lilia, and Epel.

There’s this scene in, I think, the first episode of Avatar: The Legend of Aang where Appa wouldn’t fly. So Sokka just straight up... insulted? Appa? i guess. Then Appa suddenly COULD fly, and Sokka was just straight up amazed and yelling... Yeah that was my primary inspiration for Floyd’s story.

Floyd... Floyd is twins with Jade, let’s not forget that. I’m sure Floyd is actually really intelligent, he just isn’t in the mood to be sometimes. Hence he’s able to really understand something when you say something seriously. I think Floyd would always take you seriously when you say something important. 

For Jade’s story, my inspiration was the story of my dad tripping. It was only witnessed by him and mom. My mom talked about how terrifying it was to watch a six foot tall man fall down. My dad just found it funny. Hence, I thought, Jade should trip. 

Other than that, the general idea I wanted was that it’s our time to pamper Jade. He’s one of the two characters who I know would love to pamper his reader. So this was his lover’s chance to pamper him. Also, he’s also one of two characters who would have an idea about your insane strength.

Jamil, much like Jade, is the type of guy who pampers the people he loves. He doesn’t take to being pampered too well. He’s not used to it. 

Jamil also appreciates getting his hard work recognized, so I’m sure he has a praise kink hahah. He’s also easily embarrassed. I think Jamil needs someone who acknowledges all of his hard work, who also accepts his mistakes. 

Epel was the last one to write, and actually a genuine struggle for me. I always... end up writing something in relation to his struggles with his face and femininity. Epel is someone who wants to be seen as a real man, so I worried about what he’d think of a reader who had the strength he wanted. 

I figured if it was anyone else, it might inspire jealousy in Epel--but because it was his lover, he was able to push aside his negative feelings and look at the bright side. You’re truly his ideal, and he wants to learn how to be strong from you.

Rook was another tough one. There did exist a version where you surprise him... but the more I thought about it, the more I found it impossible for Rook to not know or not have an idea. He’s the other character who would have an idea about your strength.

On that note, thinking about a romantic partner for Rook... I thought what was best was someone who wouldn’t find him odd. Who would actually try to learn about him. 

Lilia’s... was also pretty easy given he enjoyed hanging upside down a lot in the main story hahah. Lilia cute, I love him. Also, when will Lilia stop messing with Idia? Probably never tbh. 

I touched upon the topic of mortality and immortality, but because I wanted this to be lighthearted--I chose not to pursue it. It would drag the mood down, but honestly--it’s something we can’t ignore and is very integral in relationships with Lilia or Malleus.

i love your art and all and maybe this sound silly but,,, what is exactly warriorcats? i want know more of the fandom

ty!

and its a book series! its called warriors but yknow for easier searching and it sounds better everyone just says ‘warrior cats’ lol

but its a book series that got super popular! and its being going on, and it still on going for nearly 20 years

and its just about 4 groups of cats living out in the woods and they got cat laws and stuff. and fun names where their name usually start off as like (blank)kit. Usually their prefix name is colors, flowers, nature, animals and ect. then they become apprentices and are renamed (blank)paw and they train to be warriors to fight for their clan and whatever and get the suffix in their name from paw to something else and whatever. like theres bluefur, jayfeather, flipclaw and swiftbreeze and stuff like that. and their leaders get nine lives and their suffix changes to star.

and the first six set of books is about this one pet named rusty renamed firepaw is prophecies to help the clans and whatever. and he becomes a super swaggy warrior and kicks ass or whatever. 

and after the first series where firepaw becomes fireheart and ofc firestar, (because you shouldn’t be surprised that the main character prophecies to be super swaggy in a young teen novel becomes the leader) its about his daughter squirrelflight and her friends but mostly her and brambleclaw (son of the least series main villian) and their stupid not that interesting or good relationship despite what you would hope would come from it.

then the next series is about squirrelflights kids jayfeather, lionblaze and hollyleaf and they have super powers maybe. tbh i dont remember a lot about that series, it had iconic scenes and stuff and cringe idiots. some of those cats sure had super powers and was a lot of build up to the next series.

and then the next series is aLSO about squirrelflights babies but now their not her babies because “surprise” they were her sister leafpool’s kids and for some reason even tho leafpool has been nothing but kind to the said kids and squirrelflight raised them with love, the kids treat them both like their dirty and terrible liars and not their moms. also dovewing is there and shes like the great niece of firestar and she’s hanging out with the cats from the last series

then the fifth series i didnt read but i think its about squirrelflight actual kid alderheart but i dont really know if thats true, again i didn’t read the books after some point in the fourth series

and if its not about alderheart then i think its about his adopted daughter uuuuh twigbranch or something and her sister violetshine, but more about violetshine i think. she seems important. and i think both of them change clans once or twice maybe, violetshine hangs out with an anime villian and i think her and twigbranch have THE most convoluted backstory from what i understood from their wiki.

then violetshine marries a stoner named tree and the next series about their kid stoner baby jr AKA rootpaw who is full of rage. also supporting main characters are dovewings son shadowsight and dovewings sister’s boring incest baby bristlefrost.

and i say incest baby because at this point in the series if you cant tell everyone is related to firestar or firestars nephew and the gene pool is entirely them, i think at least 80% of the group their apart of is their family. and remember how i said their was stupid forest cat rules? one of those rules was no having babies from outside the clan idiot! which is a dumb rule and has lead to stupid forbidden romances and so many incest babies. hardly anyone can have babies without being related anymore. the writers of the books series have accidentally made siblings mate, made uncles and nieces mates without realizing it.

look at this 

its a mess! and bristlefrost parents had parents/siblings who were apart of a prophecy about being related to firestar

also i havent even mentioned ghost cats because theres a variety to chose from! theres starclan which is cat heaven and the cats seek guidance from starclan through dreams, omens and prophecies despite all of starclan being made of dead cats they once knew. like their drinking pool water and holding a sayonce to ask their friend ted who died last year how much sugar goes in the recipe but fuck dude, ted is just a dead he doesn’t know. he shrugs and him and your other dead buddies get together and make a rough estimation of maybe a cup or two 

and then theres the dark forest where cats that starclan deemed bad and wrong go. its hell! its hell for cats! but starclan and the clans in general are kinda dick heads and I believe has sent some cats there unfairly while letting other shit heads into cat heaven. but thats me

and then theres just straight up ghost cats, i think its purgatory for cats? i havent read the part were ghost showed up. by the way didn’t mention this earlier, but the cat named Tree i mentioned earlier can see ghost and summon them i think. its just a thing that the group he was from can do, and his son rootpaw can also do it. its a big part of the series as a ghost is pillowing around a deadmans rotting corpse.

also tree was from a group that wasn’t apart of the clans named the sisters, they were an all female group who could see ghost or something. they seem neat. again, showed up in book i didnt read

and the starclan thing is only for clan cats, if you dont believe and dedicate yourself to starclans magic ways and rules you dont go here. where do you go? iuhknow somewhere dummy, you dont need to know.

theres two cats who dont believe in starclan which is funny to two extents which, one is a healer who are meant to talk to starclan and receive prophecies and stuff. Two, both were in a big war were starclan manifested in the real world with the dark forest and they killed each other. yes! the ghost manifested and made each other double super forever dead. and these cats still dont believe in starclan. but yknow what their fair, starclan is dumbass

this isn’t important but im on a roll now, and i just need to mention there was a group of cats who did yoga.

also! theres four clans!

the main one we only see for three-four series is thunderclan. their known for being the main character! their just very good and perfect and heroic and again, have main character syndrome. you will only see what thunderclan is up to for 4 series AT LEAST without reading the side books.

theres shadowclan, which when introduce at the series start is introduced as villians, their said to be evil and very very bad. they eat rats and stalk around at night like weirdos. however through reading the side books and the progression of the series you realize shadowclan had two evil rulers and MANY idiots. i love them, their very good at hiring clearly evil cats with bad ideology as their leaders and just blindly following them.

riverclan, they can swim! thats their gimmick! their lazy, pretty and arrogant. i love them their dumbasses and this one line of their wiki pages is enough said on them and is the funniest thing

then theres windclan, they sleep on the moor and run really fast. the first book series their fucking missing because shadowclan bullied them into leaving. we really dont see a lot of windclan until the second series, despite how often the cats have to walk through their lands to get places. tallstar is the first leader you meet in the series and i love him, he fucked firestars dad shitlips. 

all in all i think you probably wanted a short simple explanation but i got into it

the book series is bad, but very fun and very stupid. its so funny and bad.

its got its issues! i have a lot of complaints about it and its writing. but if you want an easy read to get into! i recommend it! if you have better things to do however, do that. theres better things out there than warriors I promise

Favorite  clips of s5 :

Haven’t seen anyone do this so here we go :

Mardi 23:49 31/12 - 3, 2, 1...Entrancing and so much fun to watch. I just loved it so much that they dropped it on NYE and the entire fandom came back to life together in minutes. The clip itself was just thrilling - seeing Elu dance together so happy and free, seeing the whole gang and crew as a big family - and then brutal as this thing happening to Arthur was conveyed in such a clever but shocking way through sound and editing. Just wow. It made me so excited for the season.

Vendredi 20:45 - In the present moment : The housewarming party made me so incredibly happy, too, to see Elu’s little nest of happiness after all they went through, the inner jokes about the kitchen, the art and fairylights, Lucas supporting Eliott and being like ‘mon amour’...and it was so nice to see everyone come together, the last moment of calm before the storm.

Samedi 00:25 - The shock : That clip was very violent but the end of it was just extraordinary in terms of cinematography and sheer emotion. The presence of snow to indicate a muffled world, the sudden change of silence, and Robin’s lost gaze directly into the camera...gave me chills tbh.

Dimanche 15:02 - Something to do : the Graffiti session is probably the clip in the whole season that gave me the most sheer joy out of all of them and came closest to the highs of s3 for me. It was just a perfect balance of fun, heartwarming friendship, and the transformative power of art. I love that they gave Eliott this role. It was amazing.

Jeudi 20:59 - La nuit de... : the Asso Party. I have very mixed feelings about the ending of this clip definitely framing Noée as a love interest. But...the clip in itself is pretty extraordinary in the way it makes you feel Arthur’s drunken confusion being replaced by that incredible feeling of finding community - I’ve been there and it’s like nothing else. It shows the Deaf community as a wonderful, intriguing, beautiful environment, with the signing and the dancing, and the cinematography all blue like underwater immersion...wow. Magical.

Vendredi 13:12 - Bro check : Basile being a real one was one of the most heartwarming moments of the series and it was really like...toxic masculinity who ? I loved that he thought Arthur was gay and didn’t want to repeat the mistakes they did with Lucas, and I loved how emotionally open he was and how keen on making sure Arthur didn’t isolate himself. It’s really this clip that made me love his character.

Lundi 19:02 - Hearing : Deaf people talking about their experiences was so interesting and it felt to me like the first time that Skam really understood the importance of finding a community that go through the same thing as you. Loved the foreshadowing and learning about different issues and Arthur learning how to say goodbye in LSF. It was so real.

Dimanche 14:41 - Wanting nothing : Alexia's talk really gave us insight into her personality like never before, her talk about insecurities and her choice to move past them was so important both to the theme of the season and in general, it made me so emo. Also rainbows everywhere...so soft.

Vendredi 20:31 - Deaf Dating : this was such a rich clip. Funny, interesting, pissed off - like that dude who was apparently just there for the novelty factor - and really warm, as Arthur starts to own his deafness a bit more. I liked learning about Noée’s backstory too and why she is so guarded.

Dimanche 22:21 - Jeanette : Papy Savary is an icon. The bit where you have to hang on and wonder if he is going to say something bigoted but he doesn’t he just has an...old timey way of saying things rings very true to my experiences. I loved Lucas being ready to get angry (the growth!) but Papy talking about his army experiences was just so funny and I just love romantic elder stories 

Jeudi 17:30 - You're not alone : I love the nurse and I think this is her most powerful clip. We had some comedy (the astrology lmao) but mostly it was so important to have non-related adults take notice of what was happening and validate Arthur’s experience and help him set himself free ; and loved the return of ‘you’re not alone’ as the series’ core theme

Vendredi 20:17 - Choose for you : Alexia's song was just so beautiful and it was what saved the season from the love triangle for me, allowing her such dignity and strength. I wish I had the guts to stand up for myself in such a creative, public, badass, graceful way and uuuuuhhh i love her. that’s all

Samedi 13:29 - Mom : Carole was one of the really good parts of the season and this clip, although bittersweet, was so liberating, them deciding to move on from that toxic asshole, and Arthur speaking his fears and his mom reassuring him with a ‘you’re like me’...meaning he also might go too far to please people, but he’s got a good heart. soft.

Vendredi 20:37 - Le meilleur des mondes : the end clip was fully cheesy in that breathtaking way that is extremely skam france. I thought the fresque clip was a bit out of nowhere and the handholding was too much...but i can’t help it, I’m just such a sucker for the symbolism. I loved the way Lola’s intro was done, even if it was a bit out of nowhere it was extremely intriguing, and I love that they gave this spot to Eliott. Him making a fresque incorporating space, Arthur’s thing but also this representation of endless potential and the shadow figures that represent the place of all these friends that they are going to step into and make their own...I’m emo. It was so beautiful. 

I wanted to keep it to 10 originally but I found that a bit too hard, lmao. I think if I had to pick five, it would be the first one, the graffiti clip, the Asso party, Alexia’s song, and the last one. My least favorite clips would probably the one where they talk about cheating, the one where they show the dead Fifi, and the one with the car crash. Buuut I don’t really feel like expanding on that. 

What are yours, and why ? Also just to get the ball rolling let’s tag 5 people in this I’m tagging @lucasthegerman @sublimena  @smblmn @plvmour and @eliottdemmaury if you want to of course ! 

Nonbinary Awareness Week Day 4: Visibility For The Invisible

What are my identities besides nonbinary?:

Mixed-race Native-- Cherokee and Lenape on my bio-mom’s side, Oglala Lakota on my bio-dad’s side, and Irish, Scottish, Norse, Egyptian, and German.

Neurodivergent-- allistic hyperlexic and dysgeographic

Abuse survivor

Currently 34 (born in ‘86)

Aro/ace

How do my other identities intersect with my nonbinarity?:

In terms of my gender, part of how I understand it is through my racial identity. I can’t really separate it out, especially not when knowing that my Native ancestors had space for people like me and realizing that is part of what helped me feel safer in being open about who I am.

There’s also the fact that my personal style in terms of how I present myself is a careful balance between trying to be read accurately as my gender (difficult as that is) while also trying to be read as ‘not white’ as possible. Yes I’m mixed, yes I’m white-passing, but I don’t like being assumed to be ‘just white’ because it makes me feel like who I am is getting bleached from me so others can find me more ‘palatable’. It makes my skin crawl. (And considering my hell-beast bio-mother pretty much tried all my life to make me as not Native as possible, the idea makes me feel sick.)

A big part of me knowing who and what I am as early as I did (age 4) is thanks to the fact that I’m hyperlexic and that part of how my hyperlexia was expressed back then was through logic and an understanding of ‘If I do x, then y will happen’ (over everything from the possibility of death by getting hit by a car if I stepped into a street too soon, to abstract concepts like the idea that I’d be locked in an asylum and never let out if I told anyone I wasn’t a girl or a boy-- this is the kind of crap I thought about even when I was 4). I was way too damn smart for my own good as a little kid, but it served me well in that I was able to figure out what I was not long after my memories first started up (my 4th birthday, it was like I hadn’t existed before and then someone threw a switch and just-- BOOM-- instant awareness and no memory of anything before and no recognition of where I was, it was weird AF), and knowing what I was that early on gave me the sort of stability I needed to know that if I existed then others had to.

I was going to say that my dysgeographica hasn’t impacted my gender, but thinking about it I can think of one way it did. Since it’s so easy for me to get lost and turned around, I learned early on how to let go and trust that I’d either find my way or that someone I was with would be able to get me to where I was going. In a way, that kind of took some of the stress off of trying to find an answer for what my gender was as a kid.

As for being an abuse survivor... OOF. There are a lot of awful things I lived through (primarily emotional/mental abuse and neglect-- I’ll spare everyone details because it’s heavy as hell) but the worst of it did give me some perspective. Me hiding who I am was miserable as hell, and while being nonbinary can be nerve-wracking in some crowds, being able to look back on my personal hell and the fact that I survived gives me a confidence I don’t think I’d have otherwise. Nothing that life can throw at me will ever be as bad as that. People can be as hostile and ridiculous as they want, but they can never make me be closeted about being nonbinary again.

Yay being 34. (Tbh I used to think-- probably because of the abuse-- I wouldn’t live to see 30. But guess what? I’M STILL ALIVE AND KICKING AND I DON’T PLAN ON GOING ANYWHERE FOR A LONG DAMN TIME. HA-FREAKING-HA.) For most of my life there were no terms for my gender and as a kid I didn’t dare say what I was. To my knowledge (before I found out otherwise later) I was the only nonbinary person I knew and didn’t meet another enby until I was 25. (At least one of the people I was friends with back in high school has turned out to be an enby, but I don’t think they came out until their late 20s.) The ‘90s sucked for having any examples of anyone nonbinary-- both in real life and in fiction. I gravitated toward fiction and clung to whatever characters I found that resonated with me. The one advantage that being so isolated has given me is that it helped me stay in spaces where I felt out of place in circumstances where a lot of other people would have just left, so I was able to get what I needed or do what I needed to.

For a long time-- up until my early-to-mid-20s in fact-- I didn’t realize that my aro/ace-ness and nonbinary-ness weren’t a package deal. (Which is kind of funny in a ‘wtf, where is the logic?’ way because my aro/ace-ness was never an issue for me. I have an uncle on my bio-dad’s side who’s ace and might be aro but idk, so my aro/ace-ness was always brushed off by my family as being ‘genetic’ and therefore not something to be concerned about, but I was absolutely convinced that if anyone knew I was nonbinary then bad things would happen. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ ) Because I was so isolated for most of my life, I was under the mistaken assumption that they were all kind of tied together. Thank gods for education. So as a result for a long time how I understood my gender also hinged on my orientation (and dear gods, I know using that word makes me sound old af, but it’s less wordy than to get into the whole tangled mess of how sexual and romantic attraction aren’t the same thing and don’t always ‘line up’ for people, yada yada yada). These days I see all three parts as distinct and vaguely interlinked in my case, but no one part of my nonbinary/aro/ace-ness would magically stop existing if one of the other parts changed.

Why do I think my specific experience is less visible than other experiences?:

Let me put it this way: the line-up of being a hyperlexic and dysgeographic aro/ace mixed-race Native abuse-survivor isn’t exactly a common experience. There aren’t many people who have issues of being de-legitimized on the fronts of their gender, their racial identity, their sexuality and romantic orientation, and their neurodivergency all at once. Or having those things pinging off each other used as a way to call into question their mental faculties.

Even as specific as my identity is, because of how liminal my identities are and my past history of abuse I have to remind myself that I can take up space in areas that apply to me. I am so used to being on the edge of accepted existence, even despite the fact that it’s been 14 years since I was taken out of my personal hell, that I have to occasionally remind myself that I’m not taking attention away from those who need to be heard when I’m one of those people.

There are times I haven’t spoken because I’m in an aro/ace space, or a nonbinary space, or an indigenous space, and what I have going on at a given time involves one of the other aspects of my identity. And thing is, if you won’t ever speak up then you won’t ever be heard or seen. That’s something I’m working on, and this entry for Nonbinary Awareness Week is just one step in that.

What’s something about my experience I would like other people to know?:

You don’t always have to have the answers.

It’s okay to sit back and trust that things will happen as they need to happen if something gets to be too much. You’ll figure yourself out more easily if you let yourself just have things come to you as they will.

It hurts sometimes and that sucks, but things can’t improve if you don’t put yourself out there when you’re ready to. The people who matter most will accept you and love you for who you are, not what they think you are.

Multiple seemingly contradictory things can be true about you all at once, and that’s okay.

It’s okay to stand your ground and be honest about who you are.

Even if you feel isolated and closed off, disadvantaged and backed into a corner, educating yourself and doing the work to decolonize your mind and dismantle internalized prejudices will help immensely.

If you think you’re the only one-- in whatever way-- I guarantee you that you’re not. You just have to give yourself time, make the effort to learn, and allow yourself the opportunity to meet others.

---

[Day 1]

[Day 2]

[Day 3]

half-blood prince book moments

“you can do magic! surely you can sort out anything!” “the trouble is, the other side can do magic too, prime minister.”

“it is a long time since my last visit, i must say, your agapanthuses are flourishing.”

‘it was clear that as far as he was concerned, any man who could look at harry and say ‘excellent’ was a man with whom he could never see eye to eye.’

‘the dursleys tried to ignore their glasses completely, a difficult feat, as they were nudging them gently on the sides of their heads. harry could not suppress a suspicion that dumbledore was rather enjoying himself.’

“and now, let us step out into the night and pursue that flighty temptress, adventure.”

“ah, yes, of course, i haven’t told you” the harry potter series, a summary

“you have not asked me, for instance, what is my favourite flavour of jam, to check that i am indeed professor dumbledore, and not an impostor. for future reference, it is raspberry … although of course, if i were a death eater, i would have been sure to research my own jam-preferences before impersonating myself.”

‘he seemed remarkably unabashed for a man who had just been discovered pretending to be an armchair.’

slughorn being more than a comedy character and being more prejudiced against muggle-borns than the movie showed

“i realised i can’t shut myself away or crack up. sirius wouldn’t have wanted that, would he? and anyway, life’s too short … it could be me next, couldn’t it? but if it is, i’ll make sure i take as many death eaters with me as i can, and voldemort too if i can manage it.”

“i won’t have to do occlumency lessons with snape, will i? because they were a—” “i think the word ‘fiasco’ would be a good one here”

“what is your dearest ambition?” “to find out how aeroplanes stay up.”

“mollywobbles”

“dumbledore says people find it far easier to forgive others for being wrong than being right” “sounds like the sort of mental thing dumbledore would say” “he’s going to be giving me private lessons this year” said harry conversationally

‘a warmth was spreading through him that had nothing to do with the sunlight; a tight obstruction in his chest seemed to be dissolving. the mere fact that they were still there on either side of him, speaking bracing words of comfort, not shrinking from him as though he were contaminated or dangerous, was worth more than he could ever tell them.’

harry getting an outstanding in the defence against the dark arts OWL

“who blacked your eye, granger? i want to send them flowers.” i’m sorry but this is such a great insult

“dumbledore won’t always be there to protect you.” “wow … look at that … he’s not here now! so why not have a go? they might be able to find you a double cell in azkaban with your loser of a husband!”

the weasley twins’ shop window telling people to worry about ‘u-no-poo’ instead of you-know-who

the constipation sensation that’s gripping the nation

hermione saying fred and george’s products are “extraordinary magic”

“certainly they work, for up to twenty-four hours at a time depending on the weight of the boy in question—” “—and the attractiveness of the girl”

fred and george accusing ginny of going out with five boys and ginny being like “last time i looked, dean thomas was definitely one boy, not five.”

“people expect you to have cooler friends than us” “you are cool, none of them was at the ministry. they didn’t fight with me.” “that’s a very nice thing to say” i honestly love luna and harry’s friendship

slughorn inviting ginny to lunch on the train because of her “marvellous” bat bogey hex on zacharias smith

nick: harry potter knows that he can confide in me with complete confidence, i would rather die than betray his trust. ron: that’s not saying much, seeing as you’re already dead nick: once again, you show all the sensitivity of a blunt axe

“snape’ll be gone by the end of the year, that job’s jinxed. quirrell actually died doing it. personally, i’m going to keep my fingers crossed for another death …” christ harry is a savage but tbh same

‘it was a mark of the strength of their friendship that ron did not laugh.’

“it’s high time your grandmother learned to be proud of the grandson she’s got, rather than the one she thinks she ought to have” stan minerva mcgonagall

“there’s no need to call me ‘sir’, professor.”

“i thought he sounded a bit like you. when you were telling us what it’s like to face voldemort. you said it wasn’t just memorising a bunch of spells, you said it was just you and your brains and your guts—well, wasn’t that what snape was saying? that it really comes down to being brave and quick-thinking?”

the polyjuice potion being something students should be able to make after completing their NEWTS, but which hermione made at age thirteen

slughorn giving hermione points for knowing all the potions and being an intelligent muggle-born, and ‘malfoy looked rather as he had done the time hermione had punched him in the face.’

“it’s not quidditch that’s popular, it’s you! you’ve never been more interesting and, frankly, you’ve never been more fanciable.”

hermione: harry’s got scars from umbridge ron: look at where those brains attacked me hermione: he’s grown over the summer ron: i’m tall

‘he did not usually lie in bed reading his textbooks; that sort of behaviour, as ron rightly said, was indecent in anybody except hermione, who was simply weird that way.’

‘the prince had proved a much more effective teacher than snape so far.’ hm right

“it’s only muggle-borns they hate, they’d be quite happy to let you and ron join up.” “my whole family are blood traitors!” “and they’d love to have me, we’d be best pals if they didn’t keep trying to do me in.”

ron and hermione’s ‘new policy of feigning deafness whenever harry mentioned his malfoy-is-a-death-eater theory’

“nice suit, sir”

“very astute, harry, but the mouth-organ was only ever a mouth-organ.”

tHe SLuG cLUb

‘it was natural that he should want to rip dean limb from limb for kissing her … no … he would have to control that particular brotherly feeling …’

“it looks like he’s eating her face, doesn’t it? but i suppose he’s got to refine his technique somehow.”

‘harry could not help admiring her spellwork at a time like this.’

‘ginny kept cropping up in his dreams in ways that made him devoutly thankful that ron could not perform legilimency.’

madam pince ‘looked as though she might have a seizure’ after seeing the half-blood prince’s book

‘arguing about whether or not filch and madam pince were secretly in love’

“he says very funny things sometimes, doesn’t he? but he can be a bit unkind. i noticed that last year.”

‘luna was demonstrating her usual knack of speaking uncomfortable truths; he had never met anyone quite like her.’

“what did you have to imitate her for?” “she laughed at my moustache!” “so did i, it was the stupidest thing i’ve ever seen.”

harry’s observation that ‘girls were very strange sometimes’

‘harry was left to ponder in silence the depths to which girls would sink to get revenge.’

the guy named worple at slughorn’s party bringing along his friend sanguini who happened to be a vampire

sanguini: *edges towards group of girls* worple: here, have a pasty

luna telling everyone that the aurors are part of the rotfang conspiracy “they’re working from within to bring down the ministry of magic using a combination of dark magic and gum disease”

ron: you can’t break an unbreakable vow harry: well it’s a good thing i have at least one brain cell

“fred reckons his left buttock has never been the same since.” “yeah, well, passing over fred’s left buttock—”

“aaah, george, look at this. they’re using knives and everything. bless them.”

*the twins discussing ron and lavender* “did she have an accident or something?” “what?” “well, how did she sustain such extensive brain damage?”

“he called it my ‘furry little problem’ in company. many people were under the impression that i owned a badly behaved rabbit.”

lavender giving ron a necklace saying ‘my sweetheart’ for christmas

kreacher sending harry a package of maggots and him being like “i’d rather have them than that necklace”

“you might have noticed he’s not minister anymore, but dumbledore’s still headmaster. i’d leave dumbledore alone, if i were you.”

‘percy had stormed from the house on christmas day with his glasses splattered with mashed parsnip (for which fred, george and ginny all claimed credit).’

“stay out of trouble” “i always do, mrs weasley, i like a quiet life, you know me.”

“he accused me of being ‘dumbledore’s man through and through’.” “how very rude of him.” “i told him i was.”

“blessed as i am with extraordinary brainpower, i understood everything you told me”

‘there was a certain amount of ill-feeling towards wilkie twycross and his three Ds, which had inspired a number of nicknames for him, the politest of which were dog-breath and dung-head.’

‘friends they might be, but if ron started calling lavender ‘lav-lav’, he would have to put his foot down.’

harry resisting the urge to let ron run around under the effect of the love potion and instead taking him to be cured by slughorn because ‘they were supposed to be friends’

‘madam pomfrey seemed to have been counting hagrid as several people due to his vastness.’

“half our family does seem to owe you their lives, well, all i can say is that it was a lucky day for the weasleys when ron decided to sit in your compartment on the hogwarts express, harry.”

ron pretending to be asleep whenever lavender came to visit him in the hospital wing

luna’s commentary at the quidditch match

“smith was being quite rude about gryffindor, i expect he regrets that now he’s playing them—oh, look, he’s lost the quaffle, ginny took it from him, i do like her, she’s very nice …”

LOSER’S LURGY

harry: i want to find mclaggen and kill him madame pomfrey: that would come under the heading of over-exertion

‘harry’s imagination zoomed into overdrive, rapidly constructing a scene in which ginny, weeping over his lifeless form, confessed her feelings of deep attraction to him while ron gave them his blessing …’

“how d‘you spell ‘belligerent’? it can’t be B-U-M”

“we were asked how we’d deal with dementors, not ‘dugbogs’, and i don’t remember you changing your name to ‘roonil wazlib’, either.”

“i love you, hermione” “don’t let lavender hear you saying that.”

“the more i hint i want to finish it, the tighter she holds on. it’s like going out with the giant squid.”

“yeah, we don’t need to hear about you being in love with malfoy”

‘harry swore. someone screamed. he looked around to see a gaggle of first-years running back round the corner, apparently under the impression that they had just encountered a particularly foul-mouthed ghost.’

“ghosts are transparent.”

“when we come face to face with one down a dark alley we’re going to be having a shufti to see if it’s solid, aren’t we, we’re not going to be asking, ‘excuse me, are you the imprint of a departed soul?’”

harry deciding to go to aragog’s funeral because he saw the tears left on the letter hagrid had sent them

ron thinking of using felix felicis to get slughorn’s memory

“this is felix felicis, i suppose? you haven’t got another little bottle full of—” “essence of insanity?”

“in spite of all the temptation you have endured, all the suffering, you remain pure of heart, just as pure as you were at the age of eleven, when you stared into a mirror that reflected your heart’s desire, and it showed you only the way to thwart lord voldemort, and not immortality or riches.”

‘it was, he thought, the difference between being dragged into the arena to face a battle to the death and walking into the arena with your head held high. some people would say that there was little to choose between the two ways, but dumbledore knew—and so do i, thought harry, with a rush of fierce pride, and so did my parents—that there was all the difference in the world.’

“that’s my nickname”

‘there was ginny running towards him; she had a hard, blazing look in her face as she threw her arms around him. and without thinking, without planning it, without worrying about the fact that fifty people were watching, harry kissed her.’

“the truth is that you don’t think a girl would have been clever enough” “how can i have hung round with you for five years and not think girls are clever?”

harry admiring dumbledore swimming as they head to a cave on the most dangerous mission he’s ever been on, like ‘bloody hell this man is 300 years old look at his fantastic breaststroke’

“it is the unknown we fear when we look upon death and darkness, nothing more.”

“i am not worried, harry, i am with you.”

‘harry felt, as he had felt about phoenix song before, that the music was inside him, not without: it was his own grief turned magically to song that echoed across the grounds and through the castle windows.’

“what do i care how ’e looks? i am good-looking enough for both of us, i theenk! all these scars show is zat my husband is brave!”

“young and whole men do not necessarily remain so.”

“dumbledore would have been happier than anybody to think that there was a little more love in the world”

“i feel that if a single pupil wants to come, then the school ought to remain open for that pupil.”

“professor dumbledore always valued your views, and so do i.”

“no other headmaster or headmistress ever gave more to this school”

‘he felt no curiosity at all: he doubted that he would ever feel curious again.’

‘and he knew, without knowing how he knew it, that the phoenix had gone, had left hogwarts for good, just as dumbledore had left the school, had left the world … had left harry.’

‘all that appeared to have changed was that he now had a great liking for very rare steaks.’

“so eet ees lucky ’e is marrying me, because ze british overcook their meat, i ’ave always said this.”

“she was snape’s mother!” “i thought she wasn’t much of a looker”

‘the strange music and the knowledge that dumbledore’s body was so close seemed to take all warmth from the day.’

‘it was important, dumbledore said, to fight, and fight again, and keep fighting, for only then could evil be kept at bay, though never quite eradicated’

‘she met harry’s gaze with the same hard, blazing look, and he knew that at that moment they understood each other perfectly, and that when he told her what he was going to do now, she would accept his decision, because she would not have expected anything less of him.’

“i never really gave up on you”

scrimgeour: the ministry can add two and two harry, inwardly: but there’s no maths in the wizarding world harry, outwardly: glad to hear it

“he will only be gone from the school when none here are loyal to him”

“you said to us once before, that there was time to turn back if we wanted to. we’ve had time, haven’t we?”

“we’re with you whatever happens”

Mid-Season Cures: Top Ranking

A few weeks ago, the newest mid season Cure, Cure Cosmo has debuted. And since Star Twinkle has been the 10th season to have a mid season Cure, I started to think about which mid season Cures are my most favorites.

Note: This ranking only includes Cures that appeared in the 20-ish episodes (aka joined the team around that time). Otherwise, it’d be hard (for me at least) to determine who exactly is the mid season Cure for certain seasons.

This ranking is based on personal opinion! You don’t have to agree with it, nor do you have to like it. It was made just for fun and not to serve the purpose to hate on certain characters!

#1 Cure Passion

It might sound a little funny, but yes, the very first official mid season Cure is also my most favorite one! Despite joining the fandom in 2013, Fresh Pretty Cure! was the first season I watched and totally fell in love with. There’s not a single thing I dislike about the season and I love ever character of the show. 

But that is not the reason why Passion is my most favorite mid season Cure. Among all Cures that joined late, Passion/Eas just simply had the best redemption arc in my opinion! She was a badass character as Eas and suffered through her arc, trying to prove to Moebius that’s she is a loyal servant, even if it meant to risk her own life. And her struggle didn’t end after she became Cure Passion. She kept on doubting herself, she felt like she was all alone until she realized and accepted that Love and the others wanted her to be with her.

Additionally, Setsuna is simply badass, I can’t help but loving her.

#2 Cure Scarlet

To be honest, when Go! Pri first aired, I didn’t like it at all, it was among my least favorite seasons, and thus I didn’t think highly of Cure Scarlet. By today, however, I have totally fallen in love with the season and appreciate the plot, the setting, the characters, the everything. In my personal ranking, Go! Pri might not be my most favorite season but I still love it very much. 

Originally, I thought Scarlet might be a rip off of Passion. But I learned and realized that despite them both being redemption Cures, they are quite different. Setsuna might have had the more impacting arc, but that didn’t mean that Towa’s was bad!! In fact, I teared up quite often during her arc as well and Twilight is a terribly awesome character! (I kinda even like Twilight more than Towa tbh).

#3 Cure Fortune

A lot people dislike HaCha, so I wonder how many of you would be surprised to see Fortune to be my 3rd most favorite mid season Cure. But yes, she is! Fortune has a lot badass-ness to give. Like... all other Cures were somehow chosen by Blue (he threw the crystals at them) while Iona took the PreChanMirror of her sister to avange her. She was probably one of the most determined Cures we have ever met. She literally went “God, who? I will rescue my sister no matter what!”. I agree that she was a little strict and stubborn towards Hime, but let’s be honest, she had all reason to!

Cure Fortune is just cute and amazing, I totally love her!

#4 Cure Sunshine

//coughs// I wanna talk with you Toei, about how you handled Itsuki. Because?? She (Cure Sunshine) debuted as a badass Cure who does shields but can kick ass because she’s awesome and all! But after a while, all she does is shielding her friends? She can kick ass, so let her kick ass, please! 

Ehem... yes, I also really love Cure Sunshine. Tho before I watched Heartcatch Pretty Cure!, I thought Itsuki was boring... oh how wrong I was, right? Itsuki has probably one of the best transformations of all. It shows that you can be cute and badass at the same time. I’ve seen someone talking bad about her transformation, but tbh?? It’s amazing, give me more like that!

#5 Cure Beat

I have once started watching Suite Pretty Cure♪ but dropped it (because life got crazy). I will watch it completely one day though! And for favorite Cure... of Suite I love Cure Muse the most, but as I limited the mid season ranking to Cures that appeared in the 20ish episodes, I have to go with Beat. And I really do like Beat!! Like Passion, Beat was once a villain of the season, but even though they have a similar background, the story was completely different and I think Toei chose a good plot for Beat! I doubt that a redemption arc like Eas’ had fit with her tbh. 

Now, I could never take Siren as serious as Eas but... I suppose we never should. I guess she was always supposed to be a funny character that the audience loves to see. And tbh that’s what I like about Siren/Ellen/Beat. How random and funny she was at times, but then could also be determined and protective again. 

Also, guitars. Yes please. We need more Guitar Cures. We’ve only had 3 so far! (4 if you count Gelato, but she didn’t use one to attack)

#6 Cure Parfait

Tbh, I prefer Kirarin over Parfait and Ciel, but there we go; Cure Parfait is my favorite Cure from her season because she’s so different from everyone else. Her transformation is, imo, the most beautiful one and her attack... is really weird, but not as weird as creating a darn cake and then throw it at the enemy (seriously Toei, that attack is lame, what were you thinking xD). I can’t exactly say what I liked about Cure Parfait, I might like her the most because she and Pikario (best boy!!) had the best development and best arc of the whole season and thus her debut was so emotional, to me at least. Idk, but here we are. She can’t even make it to my top 5 favorite mid season Cures... xD

#7 Cure Amour & Cure MaCherie

I love Cure MaCherie and am neutral about Cure Amour, and as mid season Cures I’m pretty much “meh” about them because they simply took too much spotlight from the other three Cures. In the end,... usually a mid season Cure joins when the Cures can’t take a certain challenge anymore and need support. Then the candidate to become a Cure, becomes determinded and creates a miracle by becoming another Pretty Cure (that is the usual way. I prefer more creative ways, like Towa and Setsuna’s tbh). Emiru and Ruru’s debut was ... Hana was sick and Homare and Saaya were ignored. That’s why they had to transform... right?? In other words, it was lame.

At least the transformation and attacks were nice! They also felt like they are part of the team, which I missed in KiraKira, where Ciel always only spoke with Ichika and that’s it...

#8 Cure Felice

I still have to watch Mahou Tsukai, so my opinion of her could still change! But for now, I’m very neutral towards Cure Felice tbh, she is cute and I love her design but... that’s just it? Her transformation is beautiful, but just so looooooong... same with her attack, way too long and also a bit boring. I get she is the Cure of nature, but did you have to show the flowers blooming from step to step @ toei???

Also I never understood why we need a flower Cure in a season based on magic. I know she is Mother RaPaPa but... eh... yes. 

#9 Cure Ace

One word: meh. Too bossy, and her entrance was too random. She never appeared before. It’s like Toei forgot about her until episode 23.

#10 Cure Cosmo

hmmm please note that this opinion of Cure Cosmo can still change as Star Twinkle Pretty Cure is still airing! However, as for now, I’m really no fan of her. I really like Yuni/Blue Cat though, as she is a badass character who likes to be a lone wolf! Cure Cosmo, however, just seems a little useless at the moment. Of course this is to blame on Toei but ,... well everything that happens is always to blame on Toei, so that’s even.

To me, her debut episodes, her transformation and even her attack were medicore and can’t be compared to other mid season Cures. Even Cure Ace had a flashier transformation (even though her fairy partner is annoying me). And even Ace’s attack was impacting, while Rainbow Splash is just good for visuals but except for that, it’s really lame. Up until now, the only (!!!) thing I can love Cosmo for is all the 80s aesthetic (but then again, Toei is trying WAYYYY to hard it that. It’s so much that it hurts, I’m sorry.) 

I hope Toei steps up the game with Cosmo and maybe I’ll like her more by the end of the season. But now she’s just... kinda meh to me.

ENDGAME SPOILERS!!

Okay I saw Endgame last night and I need to vent... AHHHHHH!!! haha I have so many mixed emotions and I don’t even know. Also I typed this on mobile so sorry for any typos. 

So I first saw Iron Man when I was 11, and it was so cool. I grew up watching all of these movies. At first, Cap was my favorite bc he was ~cute~ and I was a young teen girl and so were all my friends. I also loved Loki for this reason haha. Then I saw Iron Man 3 and LOVED IT. I bought it on DVD as soon as it came out. Tony Stark was amazing, but also he dealt with anxiety and panic attacks? His and Pepper’s relationship was everything as well, and also his and Happy’s and Rhodey’s friendships. Tony felt real and human and relatable, and it was cool he was able to overcome so much even with all of his trauma. In AOU he just wanted to protect his team, and no one truly listened to or respected him or tried to understand him, and he ended up with more trauma and guilt. I just wanted him to have a happy ending. Then he met Peter and it brought me hope, after all the Civil War crap. Infinity War was crushing but not completely because I knew another movie was coming out, so there was still some hope. But then Endgame. Honestly... I’m still processing, but I don’t think I’m happy with it. And for more reasons than just Tony, though I’ll talk about that first. His storyline just seemed... blah. He gets back, gets to yell at Steve, and then goes and lives in seclusion with Pepper and has a kid. Yet you know that even with that life he’s still depressed and guilt-ridden. It’s how Pepper knows he won’t stop. So he does his best to help, time travels or whatever (honestly that whole part is still kinda confusing to me- it created alternate timelines, but what are the implications of that- and also for the rest of the MCU??) and then Tony comes back and it looks like they’ve succeeded. I was expecting him to notice something off about Nebula, tbh. But anyway, final battle, and we all know what happens. He makes the sacrifice play. He dies. Pepper says it’s okay, but I just can’t agree. He already made the sacrifice play in the first movie. I think it should have been Steve or someone else in this one to do it. If all Tony’s pain and trauma has been building to this- I just feel empty inside. It’s not a satisfying end. Sure, he saved the universe, but I feel like Strange literally could have like left a message saying don’t send Nebula to the past and all of that would have been avoided. It felt so pointless. They’d already won. Tony also only got to reunite with Peter for like 30 mins, which is lame, and will bring a whole lot more trauma to him. He didn’t even get to see Morgan again. Ughhh I’m just annoyed. And then Steve?? He just goes to live in the past?? The whole movie he’s been saying he doesn’t move on, and then he literally never does, he never grows from there. He doesn’t really develop at all. It’s true- he never truly moved on from the past, and so that means... he’ll just go live there??? I think a better move would be to have him grow to accept his life and try to be happy and actually move on. Or, like I said earlier, he could have realized he can’t move on and made that sacrifice play himself in order to allow others to live and move on. I think that would have been a more satisfying arc to his story. And it would show the love he actually has for Tony- to allow Tony to live with his family and show that he heard and understood what Tony said at the beginning of the movie. (Also, they never had a real conversation where they made up. It was like they kind had that “do you trust me” moment but Steve never truly apologized and I feel like we got jipped out of a good heartfelt moment between those two.) Also- the Natasha sacrifice was sad, but I’m not totally surprised by it. It feels like a very her thing to do, to save her family and Clint’s. But then after everyone got mad and had a quick moment of silence, it was kind of forgotten?? Like they could have even had a memorial or small tribute at Ton’s funeral or elsewhere but like put something in?? It feels like she was just kind of brushed aside. (Also- I didn’t like BruceNat at first but grew to be okay with it, but then it never became anything? Bruce made himself into Professor Hulk and there was no real closure or conversation between him and Natasha? So like... what. was. the. point???) Again, everything with her just wasn’t that satisfying, but it’s something I may grow to view differently. I did enjoy Clint’s arc and I actually think they did a great job with him. Probably the strongest arc of the movie, actually. The way they handled Thor kind of annoyed me. I think it’s perfectly understandable that he would end up like that. He’s lost his family and most of his kingdom, and he feels responsible. I don’t have a problem with that. I have a problem with how the movie and the characters responded to that. Judgmental looks and jokes... like I’ll be honest, I did chuckle at Rhodey’s Cheez Whiz joke, but now I regret that. Like being fat is funny, haha look at Thor, he’s out of shape! Uhh yeah he’s depressed! And Rhodey should know better, being friends with Tony, he should know how to handle anxiety and depression. Nobody was really trying to help or even talk to Thor much, they really just wanted him to help them. Like he was clearly struggling, and yet that was used as a joke... it makes me sad. And also Thor never even looked back at Loki? The convo with his mom was nice though. But that reminds me? Was Loki’s infinity war death actually real then? Bc ugh. I’d be more willing to accept him being permanently dead if it wasn’t in such a lame way. Daggers, seriously?? Loki has freakin magic, and he’s smart!! He could have duplicated himself or something, and that type of lame death is so unsatisfying. Also. Captain. Freaking. Marvel. I went to the movie in a Captain Marvel T-Shirt, hers is one of the first actual comics I read, and I loved her movie. I was soooo excited to see her in this movie and become part of the team and to have some really fun banter with everyone. But then she just... disappears for basically the whole movie and hardly speaks at all (thinking about it- I think all the female characters speaking overall was wayyy low compared to mens which is sad) and she blows up the big ship at the end and that’s basically it. She didn’t really join the team, and she could have been so helpful! You’re telling me they didn’t make a way to communicate with her and they didn’t want to include her in their time travel adventures?? She could have had a funny interaction with Nick in 2012, or stopped Nebula from getting taken in 2014, or helped out more overall, idk. But she should have been a bigger part of the team. They hyped her up so much when she was hardly in the movie at all, which was extremely disappointing. Like I feel so cheated about this. This is something I’ll probably be bitter about for a while tbh... ugh she’s a queen and deserves so much more haha. Also Okoye and Wong would have been useful assets for the time travel and yet they were hardly in the movie at all? So many underutilized characters smh.... (Also I know this would be impossible and the point of the movie is for the main Marvel characters but you’re telling me that in 5 years, there was no random like French or Chinese or any other country’s scientist that could have developed time travel or another method of reversing the snap? Or someone from one of the bazillion planets out there? Like there have to have been other smart people/aliens who went all Liam Neeson after the snap and were out for revenge and solutions and they could have come up with something in those five years. But again, I know that wouldn’t work for the movie...) I just feel that a conclusion to the first real era and characters of Marvel should be more satisfying. But that’s just me, I know there are people who are plenty happy with it, and I think that’s valid. These are just my thoughts. Also, that was a long rant but I don’t want to be completely negative. Here’s some things I did enjoy. -Clint’s arc. Again, I felt it was really strong and emotional and hit all the right notes. They did a good job with him and I’m glad he got to go back to his family. -Nebula. She’s grown so much y’all. I do wish she got the final blow on Thanos, and that she clicked the button to go to the present faster so Thanos couldn’t come after them, but other than that I thought her storyline was great. She’s awesome. -That moment with all the female characters after Peter got hurt. I cheered. Marvel has so many amazing women and it was great to see them all together. I kinda wish they were given more lines and screen time though but this moment was super cool. -Morgan was adorable and I love her. -Pepper’s understanding of Tony was also great. She knew he needed to do something if he could, especially for Peter, she’s grown so much and she loves her mans I love her. -Almost the whole 2012 time travel thing was great. Some good humor and nostalgia, it was fun, I really liked it. The Loki alternate timeline would be cool to explore and I wonder if that’s what the show will be about. -Wanda had a great moment against Thanos. -Okay, while I do think that whole final battle was ultimately pointless and could have easily been avoided, the moment when T’Challa and the Guardians and everyone came in through the portals was amazingly epic and beautiful and powerful. The audience cheered and I did too. It was a cool scene. -Tony and Nebula in the ship at the beginning was great. -If Steve isn’t gonna be Cap anymore, Sam deserves it and I’m glad they went with him. -The Ancient One, Frigga, and other’s cameos were pretty cool. I liked those moments. -Tony’s convo with Howard was great. I like that he got a little bit of closure with his dad. There’s probably more but I’ve written a lot so I need to be done haha. Let me know your thoughts!! :)

KH3 First Impression and Complete Thoughts

BACKGROUND: i've played kh1, com, kh2, bbs, 2.8, and a bit of khux. i've watched coded and 3d on yt, so i know the story relatively well. this is an impression of my first playthrough. i did my run on standard mode and watched the secret ending on yt. i mostly did this for story, so this will have my initial impressions based on my run that will not cover extra content like the phone mini games and cooking.  my opinions are subjected to change if i ever do any later playthroughs. pls, feel free to disagree w/ me.

!!! WARNING: THERE WILL BE A LOT OF STORY SPOILERS!!!

AUDIO: 

Music: utada is queen!!! that opening song!!! also i kept noticing how lit the songs are in each world esp frozen???  and aqua's. worth a replay just for the soundtrack alone.

Voice Acting: everyone sounded great for the most part. sora’s va have certainly improved and sounds less strained. his vanitas voice has suffered significantly though lolololol. i think i read that someone called it a wannabe dark knight voice? the organization sounded incredible, w/ my fav being xemnas, marluxia, and larxene. the disney and pixar va’s are incredible w/ my fav probably being randall in monster’s inc. 

some ppl did not get vas like xaldin and laxeaus. and phil in hercules. which were all very disappointing bc in the scenes that they were in, they would just stand around woodenly, and it’s very noticeable. 

VISUALS: 

mostly a+. environments are beautiful. water and frost textures are amazing!!! you can really feel that waterga and blizzaga. fur textures in monster's inc. could use some work. little details like the sails moving in potc rly make the worlds come alive. this could be a me prob, but environments in certain worlds make it very hard to see map markers, treasure chests, and disney emblems (which are supposed to be hard to find, but still). mostly in tangled.

strangely enough, this is the only game where i prefer in game graphics to cgi. it's already highly expressive and there's something creepy and uncanny about the cgi esp in the final fight. and it's mostly bc sora's thin chapped lips throughout the entire game suddenly becomes full.

DESIGNS: 

i don't love everyone's outfit or sora's outfit changes in this game besides toy story. this is something i alrdy knew going in, but i've always felt like the outfits in kh1 and 2 rly suited each of the character's personalities. and this is not just destiny trio but even chars like roxas, the twilight town kids and the hollow bastion crew. the move towards a uniformed look makes no sense to me like is it to unify the key bearers as one force against the organization? i could understand why destiny trio was wearing plaid but why the twilight town kids also? by the end of the game, almost everyone was wearing black and it's just boring to me. like there's a right way to do uniform while retaining characters' individual looks, and that's the wayfinder trio in bbs. in this game, not so much.

an aside, but i'm sort of disappointed in the hud moving to 3d too. the 2d portraits have always been part of kh so it's kinda a bum to see it go away.

i don't love the lvl designs but it might also be due to a narrative and pacing issue that i'll expand on. any case, vertical maps are a challenge to figure out. i don't consider myself bad at directions but there are so many moments, esp in hercules and tangled where i would be like where the heck do i go next (and i have the map) only for me to look up and find a shotlock teleport point (and this isn't so much a thing that heightens the difficulty but a time waster).

lvls and bosses in previous kh games have always been known for their gimmicks and mechanics, but in this game particularly i found it to be more tedious? and this mostly applies to frozen: who the fuck designed frozen? who the fuck thought it's a good lvl design to have sora climb a mountain, get kick off it twice, and climb it again as good lvl design? who?

all the disney bosses started blending together for me bc they're literally all giant monsters and rly easy. i think the mistake here is the fact that the disney worlds are put back to back whereas in kh1/2/bbs you have the interruption of original worlds and an actually playable important parts to the main story, in this game all the important storyline in radiant garden are locked in cutscenes interspersed throughout the game between finishing disney worlds.

a lot of ppl might disagree w this, but i miss the cinematic reaction commands and limit attacks. we still have them but i find them to be on a much smaller scale in the form of drive finishers and situation commands, but i find them to be less imaginative in kh3 in order to be less """"disruptive""" to the gameplay. i've always found cinematics charming in previous games as a way to show sora interacting with his party members during combat. little things like beast putting a hand on sora's shoulder, aladdin leaning on him, or riku bumping his fist have a way of making the friendships he forms feel organic. outside of link commands/ summons, in this game, he........just throws a lot of ppl around or is thrown around?

GAMEPLAY:

already sort of went through parts of it in the previous section, but overall combat was smooth. i love how mobile sora is in this game. the improvement to his running speed and addition of all the mobile skills like dodge roll, super slide, flow motion, blizzard skating, etc. makes combat feel fast paced and juking so easy.

magic is super improved on ever since 2.8 and feels satisfying to use esp bc i feel like ur given a lot more mp now and with the ability to save the last of your mana for cure, it feels like you're not always budgeting your magic.

underwater combat was smoother than i expected.

it's a mistake putting almost all the commands on the triangle button. there's so much options you can do in combat and you'd mean to activate one thing, but then an attraction flow comes out and you just want to die. it gets a bit easier as i went on and got more used to the controls, but in general, i still think it's a mistake to not to have an ability or something to disable certain features like in kh2 fm.

gummy ships continue to be a thing. why. i don’t like how i have to turn the camera myself now ;;;. 

i'm not a speedrunner or anything, so i can't say too much else about fighting. the physical combos to me did feel like he was spinning a bit too much tho.

STORY: oh, fucking boy.

i'm not mad, i'm not disappointed, and i'm not even surprised. i already knew that post bbs, kh has already departed far from the franchise i loved as a kid and still today, at least story wise. but let's walk through it.

Disney Worlds: the disney worlds was literally a retelling of their movies. and unlike in kh2 and bbs, where visits to disney worlds were split into two parts, with the first part following the disney story and the second part being heavily tied to the main kh story and thus having original content, the disney worlds in kh3 only get one long visit. and the integration of kh into disney was just done so poorly. remember how kh villains used to kidnap princesses? remember how they used to actually conspire to take disney characters' hearts and turn them dark? remember, you know, when they were still evil and actually interfered with the worlds? in almost every world in kh3, an org member just comes says vague menacing things to sora, calls him stupid, and then leaves. yeah. and oh, maleficent and pete looks for a black box only to not find it, and leaves. AND THEY DON'T DO ANYTHING ELSE FOR THE REST OF THE GAME.

the pixar worlds + bh6 were the only ones with any actual new content and they feel so fresh. i esp loveeeeeeeed toy story omg. the script was so good, funny, and heartwarming. the pixar consultants should have helped kh all the way tbh.

like previous games, there's an attempt for each disney world to thematically tie into the main kh story. in this game, it was as heavy handed as ever, probably even more so. 

Original Worlds: onto the meat of kh, the main story was rushed up until the end. you have a slew of disney worlds, then bam, they slam you with all the human bosses and the important story stuff. 

the ‘awakening’ of roxas, xion, and ventus were very rushed. you literally have one moment they’re no there then two seconds of white screen and all of a sudden they’re there. 

there’s a shit ton of shoehorned character redemption arcs: vexen, demyx, saix, eraqus, xehanort, xemnas, ansem. all were done either offscreen or by some miracle, they reached an epiphany after sora beat his keyblade into their heads. 

the only death scene that i actually liked, that a lot of ppl complained about, was vanitas bc yes, although i thought his character had so much potential, it was at least a consistent and sympathetic death. bless him, born a villain die a villain. same with xemnas bc i loved his last speech. 

xehanort was a shitty villain through and through. no one understood his motivation; it’s like nomura took a page from thanos’ guide of how to write villains, gave him some stupid ass goal to have a keyblade war to restart the world, and then just have him...get everything he wanted? his estranged friend comes back in ghost form for whatever reason and is just like ok we’re cool man even tho u took my student and indirectly murdered me and then gets taken up to heart heaven, like O K. and like what’s the most frustrating is that it’s implied they’re keeping him as a villain??? bc fucking ymx is like ooohh imma just go back to my own time via time travel. it’s too late for u sora hurdur. 

and the younger members of the organization, the ones that we do know were in khux. we don’t get to know how they became nobodies and they don’t get a redemption??? really???  

you can tell they tried, TRIED, hard to give everyone closure. and they miserably failed to close plot points. they actually opened more. who the fuck is the unnamed girl in lea and isa’s storyline? why the fuck did you mention her if you were going to play the pronoun game and not name her??? what the fuck was in the black box??? why are they looking for it when no one know what’s in it??? why the fuck was repliku inside of riku the whole fucking time??? why have org members be norted if they can still have agency and choose to betray xehanort??? why the fuck was BOTH sora and riku in different worlds in the secret ending????? ? ? ? 

and tho i’m very glad that wayfinder and sea salt trios get their happy ending, the destiny trio had their characters assassinated. kairi was teased to become an independent character of her own and fight alongside sora, only to get shafted to become a damsel in distress, again, literally replaced by xion in one of the last battles, AND referred to as ‘motivation’ for sora by xehanort lol. sora, the guy who’s always going my friends are my power, ONLY grieves about losing kairi, accrediting all of his strength ONLY TO HER. riku, who spent the first game desperately trying to get kairi’s heart back, and who protected her from saix in the second, suddenly doesn’t give a shit about her and is just there as sora’s moral support. it’s so frustrating that nomura has the audacity to say that this series is primarily about friendship and then pull this shit lol. it’s transparent. 

CONCLUSION: 

i think for me, the quintessential kh trilogy has always been kh1, com, and kh2. as far as i’m concerned, the story should have ended there for destiny trio. and it’s like nomura said, how he feels more sympathetic towards villains now, i think nomura’s ideas have outgrown his main character. 

sora’s journey worked in 1, com, and 2 because he had an overarching goal to find kairi and riku and return home. not everyone has to understand heartless vs. nobodies or dark vs. light but at least, anyone can understand the desperation of saving your friends. when that framework is taken away, sora’s goals and motivations become unclear; he’s a kid and has little reason to be caught up in xehanort’s plans, the keyblade war, or the organization’s agendas. and his failure to grow with the increasing complexity of the plot, to investigate for himself the bigger picture or even come into a similar realization of his own darkness/ balance like riku, makes him unfit; he’s a reactionary character instead of an active one. that’s why this game, being experienced from his point of view, felt mostly like a catch up to speed for sora and a set up to nomura’s next big thing instead of a genuine ending.  i honestly don’t think nomura knows what to do with him and with kingdom hearts anymore. 

kh3 is a game wrapped in nostalgia and promised something bigger than it could fulfill. and aside from better graphics and improved gameplay, the story wasn’t worth the wait. 

SPN 7X7 The Mentalists

This Week has been ABSOLUTELY dfa;os'ias, I am Tired, and my schedule is WACK, but

eh...I think I need an episode here, comfort shitshow here we go

ah yes angsty Sam

ah a medium

ouija board

man literally nothing good happens on a ouija board

there is science somewhere in there

huh what was her reaction

what was that face

sir the important papers?

this is not going to go well

uh oh

vengeful spirit?

oh god why are you ANGERING THE SPIRIT

oh boy actual spirit signs

HOLY SHIT THE PSYCHIC IS FUCKING DEAD

he's stealing a car? huh?

he looks so disgruntled

THE FUCKING RADIO

AHAHA HE FOUND A JOB THROUGH SHITTY RADIO

bruh where's the Impala, isn't the impala always with Dean?

I was gonna say they should call Cas and then I remembered :(

ah he notices the lil know..fake psychic stuff

ooo vibe

he's gonna say something incredibly out of pocket isn't he

BEN ACKER AND BEN BLACKER WROTE THIS AHAHAH

this is a fun themed cafe tbh

"special of the day: you" LMAO

ah hippies

DEAN'S FUCKING FACE

LMAO SAM'S WORKING THE SAME JOB

Sam's gonna be a lil bitch about this

I miss Pamela

I miss Missouri

WHERE IS SHE

"virile manifestation of the divine"

DEAN'S FACE

HE'S SO PRESSED THAT SAM DOESN'T CARE

...it is a little bit like Sam cares too little and Dean cares too much

"we're not the winchesters, lmaooo we get that a lot"

"we're completely harmless" LMAO

"energies" "completely gentle"

what the actual fuck is going on

"I'm Russian, I can spot the law"

THIS IS HILARIOUS

ooo a necklace that passes down the next of kin through fake psychics? interesting

"he broke my spoon" he's so huffy

they're literally both so huffy

"It's an honest living"

S I R WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR JOB IS

ah she's a profiler

body language

"I've got a open mind"

oh they're FUN tho

she's also a nonbeliever like he was, but they both kinda read people? I think?

Sam sorry bud ur third wheeling gain

"we did NOT know"

b r u h can you maybe chill

THE SIMULTANEOUS BADGE RAISE

bruh EVERYONE CAN READ THEM LIKE A BOOK THIS IS HILARIOUS

like yes I know I'm supposed to find this sad, but it's so funny how they're like "oh we can work together and bury things" AND THEN EVERYONE LITERALLY READS THEM LIKE A BOOK AHAHAHAAAA

ah man not the Russian

oh god not the fork

oh god nonono

I SWEAR TO GOD SINCE WE CAN ACTUALLY SEE IT IT'S EVEN MORE GRUESOME NOW

OH GOD NO PLEASE CUT AWAY

WHY DIDN'T THEY CUT AWAY

WHAT THE FUCK

OH MY GOD

I have no idea what the hell the tone is supposed to be anymore

"agEnT bouRNe"

"chest full of cutlery" lmaooo

"it's either this or los angeles" (in terms of policing)

they're both different kinds of cynical ha

they stopped talking like FBI agents

his FACE aHHH

self recognition through the other yada yada

is lily dale really like this

wait HOLY SHIT THEY ARE APPARENTLY LOTS OF PSYCHICS

"I hate this town" of COURSE YOU DO DEAN OF C O U R SE

this is not sarcastic it's literally everything he would hate

"family is a pain in the ass anyhow" LMAOOO

"thank the spirits" Ma'am this is a wendy's

"now will that be cash or credit"

it really must be lucrative

huh oh there we go vision of death

ah accent gone

and she called the girl, who brought Dean

they're all kinda phony

ah the camera

there we go caught on camera

ah chokes from behind

two am huh

oooo and she gives people visions of their death interesting interesting

heh sibling acts

the costume design is really cool though, honestly the concept is kinda cool

lmaooo ham fisted "sibling acts never work"

...the campbells

ah they were gay

DEAN YOUR FACE

bro the adr in that one bit sucks

lMAO THE PARALLEL

"no magic powers(full of crap) but took care of her younger sibling with Magic" aka Dean and Sam

ELLEN?? TELLING HIM NOT TO BE STUPID?

THANK GOD FOR FUCKING ELLEN I LOVE HER

"you lied to me and killed my friend" ok finally mention her

bruh and you didn't kill Sam

"That's what family does, the dirty work"

he is kind of acting like a dick though

AHAHA THE BAD SIBLINGS HAVE TO DIG

what if one warns and the other doesn't

Dean doesn't want the powers lmao

DAMMIT I THINK SHE WAS WARNING YOU

Always the fucking lighter

that was a fun design though

aw they're vibing that's fun

aw she'll stay with her

uhhh

SHIT YEAH THEY DIDN'T KILL HER

THE SALT

HOW ARE YOU OUT OF SALT

AH THE IRON

ah yay dies right in front of her

ah of course Dean hug

good sis bad sis

aw he's mad he killed an innocent ghost

they really focus on Dean I swear to god

ah the questioning

she was smiling ah jesus christ

ah they're doing it in the morning

ah the juicy lighter

ope bones are gone

the headliners of a specific carnival?

top psychic dogs

ah it's her next of course

ah sand circle

"does it hurt 'em"

"never thought about it"

OH AND HE ACCEPTS IT BECAUSE SHE'S ALSO A SKEPTIC

Ah here we go

find the bones before she kills them

this is like genuinely creepy tho

ooo vibes

ah a gun

OO TRAINING

"I hate when they do that" LMAOO

ooo the dual monologue

real thing isn't pretty or entertaining ok

"I can't pay my rent"

Is...is there a cultural appropriation thing in there

he missed

wasn't Sam also a psychic

ah the yellow teeth

ah JEEZ

bro poor Melanie jesus

"he was boning her"

it was right there

THIRD WHEEL SAM YA BOI

heh she got him

"I wish I had better weeks

bruh his eyes are SO GREEN wow

wow one episode to get over Amy huh

no Dean is not ok

"ever since cas, I'm having a hard time trusting anybody" UH

"we're poster kids of functional family life"

SIR

1. horror. Ok here's the thing. It's less vibe-y, but it's clear as day, it really drives home the mundanity of the horror. Like it could happen to anyone is the thing, and since the thing is bright, lit normally, it drives it home. Seriously I think the horror(when done well) works better.

2. Dean and melanie. Listen. He understood her bright-eyed questions and considered them better not because she was hot(let me have this) but because they were both skeptics. Like bright eyes without the bright eyes, yk?

altho third wheel Sam lmao

3. concept. Listen the concept of a cursed locket, but then it's the sister ghost and then the other sister was really fun! like it was an actual mystery, and lily dale itself(being a town of frauds, Dean feeling like fraud, Sam having to be the one that confronts the real psychic) was excellent, I liked that concept.

they were annoying as shit to deal with tho.

4. reading people! I just like that the whole idea was based on reading people(something neither of those fuckers can do) and how they, with the lies and repression, were uncomfy with it. I thought that was neat.

5. the cultural...appropriation? Like it kinda reads as "I wasn't as Flashy or Palatable so I starve and everyone else gets to be fine and profit off of what's fake versions of mine. Like..you can make the reading. The way it was done makes me uncomfy, but also that's a kind of real reading.

6. Sam(and Amy?). IT felt like Sam forgot about the fact that Amy was his friend and was more angry that Dean lied to him. But his lil Huff was in character and made sense for Anger Issues Winchester.

7. Dean's spiral(CAS). Dean's guilt spiral and trust spiral literally after Cas? Like the man is fucked, Ellen from beyond the grave is trying to tell him to shut up, and it's basically...entirely hinging on Cas and his feeling of doubt and insecurity there.

Bro I'm sorry but what the fuck even when he's not here he's here