so like I'm not saying that ann radcliffe would've vibed w saw films (press X to doubt) but I feel she would mesh with that specific brand of "how to game the saw traps" youtube commentary that invariably goes "jigsaw's mechanics are so rudimentary, here's how every single one of these elaborate death thingamajigs gets destroyed with the combined power of this dude's necktie and a dessert spoon I found on the floor"

hellolololo!¡! so i recently saw this video where their

s/o goes on to omegle and the other person from omegle like goes “hi ur cute” or “u have snap?” and then their boyfriend just enters the frame,, can u do that to todobakudeku separately :3

if u dont understand u can check this out 😭 https://vt.tiktok.com/ZSJdEqc7V/ tyy ❤️❤️

“ur kinda cute” on omegle

(tiktok prank)

character(s) : todoroki shouto, bakugou katsuki, midoriya izuku (bnha)

part two — part three

legend : [Y/N = your name] they/them pronouns used, quirk not mentioned

headcanon type : fluff, crack — ‘x reader’

note(s) : i love these types of requests 🤩 so i plan on making 3 parts with this (oh and don’t worry, i’ll finish the other tiktok prank series i have going on at the moment)

also, there’s no proofread on this so if there’s any typos or mistakes, sorry! i’ll be editing them in the morning

┈ ✁✃✁✃✁✃✁✃✁ ┈

todoroki shouto

okay so, the entire tiktok idea was planned— but the part where shouto came in surely wasn’t staged

so, being a curious young person— you wanted to make a tiktok, where you went on omegle just to speak to people for fun

and inside of your head, you’re kinda thinking that “this is dumb, omg im going to get flashed on there.” also while you were setting up your laptop

but you just used the appropriate tags and !! you were set off for an adventure

you set your phone aside, and you filmed most of the experience— cutting out the not so interesting encounters out of your tiktok

and then came on a dude, who had a,, unique reaction. he didn’t seem all that fishy— until he asked you for your snap (your social medias, essentially)

“you’re kinda cute, y’know. how did i not see you before?”

you shake your head, “oh no no! i appreciate your compliment, but i’m very much taken!” your mind immediately flashing back to the image of your icyhot boyfriend

“nahh you’re lying! i don’t see any dude back there”

oh,, and that was because shouto was out getting snacks 🧎 “no really dude, i appreciate it! i’m very much taken and being disloyal is out of the question!”

this dude just kept insisting and insisting, and due to the struggle— you weren’t able to hear the door knob jiggle

it seemed to be that his advances came to an end, and your lover made an entrance— a mop of red and white peaked out from the door frame

and the dude literally got scared and ended the conversation 💀 because you really weren’t lying!

you also figured that it was time to end your omegle shenanigans, and finish the tiktok— because your boyfriend was already there “hi love, who were you talking to?”

you closed your laptop, and offered him a smile “i was on omegle for a tiktok! i’m glad you’re back.” you discard your phone, wrapping your arms around his torso (and also making sure you don’t delete the draft)

shouto doesn’t say a lot, but he immediately accepts your touch, setting the groceries aside.

he doesn’t question the fact that you were on omegle because well,, he had to get used to your shenanigans on tiktok SOMEHOW

a few hours later, you posted the tiktok— and almost immediately, the tiktok gains a lot of attention

“i love how your boyfriend drove the last dude away 💀💀” “man the last dude didn’t take the hint 🗿” “your boyfriend indirectly protected you! we need more guys like him.”

you snicker at the comments, which ultimately gathered shouto’s attention “what’s up, love?”

you show him the tiktok, “the tiktok did well.” he’ll comment calmly, but shouto’s lowkey MAD ?? that a dude had the audacity. but he’s just glad that you’re happy just maybe,, don’t go on omegle anymore 💀

“love— next time, let me in on your tiktoks.” he says, running a thumb along your cheek lightly. because he was actually quite entertained, putting everything aside

bakugou katsuki

as if bakugou katsuki would let you go on OMEGLE, a place that’s known for having the sketchiest people to ever exist— but make it virtual

but being with you made him realize that well,, if you want to do something, you’ll go through lengths just to do it.

even the great bakugou katsuki can’t really stop you. whatever makes you happy— but oh, that doesn’t mean he doesn’t highly discourage it

which lead you to go on omegle for a tiktok in the other room, while bakugou exercised in the very next room.

when you told him that you wanted to film a tiktok, bakugou only shrugged— “don’t do overly dumb shit.” was what he only told you and he left the door open too

you then set up your phone and laptop, applied the appropriate tags— and went off to make your tiktok

you only filmed the interesting encounters, and the people you met on there were very diverse in personality and just,, in general.

after the 4th encounter, then came a rather interesting dude. he didn’t seem all that ordinary but he wasn’t spectacular. he was just nice

and the conversation was rather normal— until he started asking for your socials “putting everything aside, do you have social media? you’re really cute.”

you reject immediately, “oh no, i appreciate your words but— i already have a boyfriend.”

you just have to hope that he noticed bakugou walking back and forth with equipment, but with his next words— that doesn’t seem to be the case

“i didn’t see anyone back there, a simple no would’ve been sufficient instead.” uh oh

“no really, i—” and before things escalated, katsuki’s head peaked through the door frame, freshly out of the shower “are you almost done, idiot?”

the dude literally looked behind you, and thought “oh shit, their boyfriend is bakugou fucking katsuki.” because bakugou is famous for,, multiple different reasons

the dude’s camera shakes in terror, “oh uhm,, it was nice meeting you!” not long before he dips from of the conversation, never to be seen again.

closing your laptop— you end the tiktok while bursting into laughter, and this action just confused katsuki ever further. he heard you speaking to someone, and when he looked, the person was nowhere to be seen

“what are you laughing at??”

“nothing katsuki, i was laughing at the tiktok i just made.”

then— you figured that it would be best to tell katsuki now that you were on omegle (long story short, he wasn’t pleased)

he scolded you that you shouldn’t be on omegle, but let’s be honest, he couldn’t stay mad at you— so he just cuddles the frustration away

when you upload the tiktok the following hours, it blows up pretty quickly—with comments like “LOL IS THAT BAKUGOU KATSUKI??” “he had guts until he saw bakugou katsuki 💀” “tbh i’d be scared too”

and when you report the news the katsuki, he smirks— “as he should be.”

midoriya izuku

at this point, izuku is very much used to your shenanigans on tiktok. he’s very supportive of whatever you do all in all

but, about omegle,,, yeah,, as much as he trusts you— he does not trust omegle. he’s aware that it’s a shady place, and he doesn’t advise that you do go on that website bc he cares

so when you brought up the tiktok idea, he proposed that he’d be there, right beside you just to monitor if anyone’s being weird :)

and that’s great! because you also wanted to ask if he wanted to be a reoccuring guest in your tiktok— and of course, what kind of boyfriend would he be if he opposed?

he helps you set up your laptop and phone— all of that sort of stuff, and then you guys were off to make an interesting tiktok

oh, but izuku did apply the appropriate tags because he didn’t want you to see odd things he was secretly nervous but,, you were very ethusiastic, so he was too.

the first several people were interesting in their own way— especially with their reactions to your boyfriend appearing on screen

usually, they’d back off with, and comment on how cute your boyfriend is— wishing the both of you well before calmly leaving to meet new people,

that was how it was, until you met this person in particular.

he sounded very,, egotistical— i wouldn’t say that because you’ve just met the dude, but he acted like everyone wanted him or it sounded like that

then he says, “you definitely have a phone number, right? you’re cute, just my type.” wkdksmd this is awkward since izuku’s right beside you, but he’s just outside of the frame

then, izuku pops out of the frame— in all his cute ass glory, he gives a small wave to the not so pleased stranger

“please, that’s your boyfriend?” he scoffs, “with those arms, he looks like he could be your little brother! now let me ask again—”

it’s really weird?? because have you seen izuku’s gainz?? and this dude’s audacity is extraordinary.

but little did this guy know, he’s looking at midoriya izuku— and,, you’ve seen his performance in the sports festival.

the dude takes another glance at your boyfriend, who’s sitting there right beside you— and he realizes who he was talking to

“oh shit, you’re—” and before the both of you could realize it, he nopes out of the conversation.

after that encounter, you burst into a fit of laughter— the look on izuku’s face being priceless. “you should’ve seen your reaction!”

“haha, i guess he knew who i was,” he says bashfully, cheeks warming up. because it registered in his mind that people actually knew who he was. “can you,, upload the tiktok later? i want to hug you— i mean! if that’s fine.”

of course it’s fine! you oblige, and give him all the hugs he could ever need

after cuddling with izuku, you do upload the tiktok— and an hour later, your tiktok notifications blow up

the tiktok all in all gathered 1M views, 780K likes, and over 1,500 comments— most of them saying stuff like

“your boyfriend’s reaction was so cute?? i know he looked like he was going to punch him through the screen but 👀” “last dude was just not it.” “LMAO HE REALLY TRIED IT” “is your boyfriend IZUKU MIDORIYA??”

when you excitingly showed him the tiktok’s results, he was certainly pleased— because most of the comments were positive, and also because the tiktok’s results made you happy

“i’m glad that it did well!” he’ll sigh in relief, pressing a kiss against your temple, let’s just not go on there ever again

┈ ✁✃✁✃✁✃✁✃✁ ┈

likes and reblogs are appreciated, thanks for reading!

i do not own bnha/mha and it’s characters. boku no hero academia/my hero academia belongs to horikoshi kohei, i only own the writing and i do not profit off of my hobby

do not plagiarize, reupload, translate, or use my works for audio readings without permission

i would just like to thank you for crunching out sm stuff for us and blessing us with such good writing!! 💕💗💕💗😩😪 truly *chefs kiss*

also could i request hcs on how tendou, fukunaga, matsukawa, bokuto, and iwaizumi react to their s/o doing this tiktok trend?

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMee9HVe8/

(a/n): 🙏 i should be the one thanking y’all for reading my content tbh! 💕 oh and this request is absolutely adorable!

summary of the video: a person peppers their cat with kisses to the audio of a man saying, ‘i love you. mwah mwah mwah. you set my soul on fire’

content warning: sexual references, choking & dick sizes

satori tendō

♡ he would cackle if you tried to do the accent 

♡ i’d say he knows the trend but he doesn’t look like he uses tiktok and even if he did, he’d be on deep tiktok

♡ anyway, if you don’t do the accent and you just start kissing him while filming, he’ll just smile 

♡ like he just got all warm inside 

♡ he thinks his smile is subtle but when he rewatches the video and notices his foolishly large grin, he insists that you delete it 

♡ but plz don’t- he really appreciates the fact you aren’t ashamed to be dating it and you actually want to show everyone on social media that you love him

♥　♡　♥　♡　♥　♡　♥

you propped your phone up against the salt shaker on the dinner table so the camera was angled at you and tendō, then you turned to him with a mischievous grin plastered on your face which made him falter in eating his chicken nugget. 

“are you okay, babe?” he inquired through a mouthful of mcnugget as your eyes seemed fixated on him, though you weren’t doing anything besides stare. 

he was forced to swallow once the sound began and you started peppering his face with kisses to the beat, leaving him sitting like a statue in shock. the only part of his that moved was the corner of his lips twitching up to form a large grin. 

 once the sound finished, you snaked your arms under his and chest your head against his chest for a moment before grabbing your phone to watch the video, allowing tendō to peer over your shoulder and watch it too. then, he realised how insanely wide his smile was, “are you gonna post that?” 

“not if you don’t want me to.” you hummed against his chest, feeling his slender fingers slip through your hair to cradle the back of your head and hold it tight against his chest. 

“eh.” he shrugged. if you were to delete it, at least the world wouldn’t have to see him smiling like an idiot upon getting some sugar but if you were to post it, he’d be beyond flattered that you’d want to share you relationship publicly - it reassured him that you’re not embarrassed to be with him.

hajime iwaizumi

♡ while you do it, he just sits and stares at you like ◉_◉

♡ he has no idea what’s going on UIEFLAERN why are you filming while kissing him and lipsyncing to some guy with a hot accent??????

♡ bc he wants to do it back to you but he’s just frozen in shock for a moment 

♡ but if you lipsync to the words, at the ‘you set my soul on fire’ part, he’d probably make a sarcastic comment like ‘you have one of those?’

♡ anyway, for the most part, he’s paralysed 

♡ like he doesn’t want to do anything embarrassing on camera yet he’s also extremely confused so as soon as you pick up your phone and end the recording, he literally tackles you to the ground 

♡ ‘WHAT THE FUCK?! DELETE THAT RIGHT NOW!! DON’T YOU DARE POST IT!’

♡ and he doesn’t just have hajime iwaizumi body btw- he’s got hajime iwaizumi (27) athletic trainer body 

♡ so don’t expect to escape his grip unless he lets you 

♡ but if you manage to get away with the video, plz don’t send it to any of his friends- they will tease him and use it as blackmail-

♥　♡　♥　♡　♥　♡　♥

you set your phone down on the coffee table then hit record, leaning back and shuffling even closer to iwaizumi on the couch. this caught his attention so his eyes momentarily shifted off the tv to look at you with a perplexed expression which became more prominent once he noticed that he was also being filmed.

“wha--” he cut himself off upon feeling your lips press against his forehead, then his cheek, then his chin; basically his whole face had felt your affection by the time the sound finished. 

he was taken aback, to say the least. the whole thing went by in a blur - a pleasant blur, but a blur none the less. he was too busy enjoying the feeling of your soft lips against his skin to realise that his resting expression looked similar to the one he wore when walked in on matsukawa and makki comparing dick sizes in the changing room.

once you pulled away and grabbed your phone to watch the video, he got the opportunity to observe the stupid look he wore and he instinctively tried to snatch the phone from your hand. This resulting in him lying on top of you on the couch, suffocating you with his cologne, trying to grab your phone but the frantic flailing of your arms posed challenge. 

“Gimme that damn phone! Don’t you dare send that to anyone! Did you see my fac--”

“Iwa, get the fuck off me!” you wheezed, your voice muffled from his beefy chest being pushed against your face.

RIP (Y/N). Cause of death: Iwaizumi Hajime’s muscles

kōtarō bokuto 

♡ whenever you start filming him, he immediately goes like :) 

♡ but then when you sit down next to him and film y’all together then he goes like :D

♡ THEN WHEN YOU START COVERING HIS FACE WITH KISSES TO A CUTE-ASS SOUND, HE’S LIKE 🥰

♡ but fr, he melts 

♡ you’re just so damn cute

♡ he doesn’t really question what you are doing, he just enjoys it

♡ he probably wraps his arms around your waist too and tries give you kisses back

♡ oh! and if you repeat what they guy in the audio says (’i love you’ & ‘you set my soul on fire.’), bokuto will say the same back 🥺

♡ pulls you onto his lap if you weren’t already sitting on him

♡ he insists that you post it, no matter how silly either of you look - he wants the world to see how in love you two are 

♥　♡　♥　♡　♥　♡　♥

you plop yourself down next to him as soon as you hit record on your phone then immediately began placing kisses all over bokuto’s face and if you wasn’t grinning like an idiot before, he sure was now.

“I love you!” you tried to do the accent while desperately stifling a giggle, continuing to peck his cheek, “you set my soul of fire-”

 you were forced to pause as bokuto caught your lips in his own, pressing down on the small of your back to deepen the kiss, “i love you more, baby! you set my soul on fire too - whatever that means.” he exclaimed, all while wearing a wide, toothy grin.

once you finally pull away to grab your phone, you held it in between you and bokuto so he could watch it along with you. he bounced giddily in place, squeezing your other hand tightly, “you’re precious, (y/n).” he muttered before pumping his fists and cheering, “post it! post it! post it! post it!”

issei matsukawa 

♡ you tried this on him while he was studying chemistry and although neither of you thought much of it in the moment, he’ll never forgive you bc he ended up failing his chem test 😭

♡ anyway 

♡ he questions what you are doing at first but when he hears the sound, he realises what trend you’re doing immediately (bc i hc that he lowkey has a social media addiction)

♡ so he just sits there with this cocky ass smirk on his face while you shower him with your love

♡ not bc he’s unappreciative - like he think you’re cute as hell - but if you’re gonna post it, he wants to look cool, yk?

♡ also he wants to just keep up his nonchalant attitude towards all physical touch 

♡ yes, even sex 

♥　♡　♥　♡　♥　♡　♥

you propped your phone up on the water bottle sat on his desk and stood a seat on his lap, to which he gladly welcomed as he slipped his arm around your waist to hold you in place as you straddled him.

your hands cupped his face so he looked you in the eye, hence he dropped his pencil and slammed the brakes on whatever studying he was doing as nothing was more important to him them tending to your prettyself. 

once you began pecking him along with lipsyncing along to words the guy said, he just stared at you with a smug smirk gracing his features, humming lowly in agreement whenever you’d say anything. of course, he ensured that his head was angled in a way that the camera got the holy sight of his sharp jawline. 

his gazed at you though hooded lips, staying frozen in place until your eventually picked up your phone, swiftly deleting the video with a pouty expression. “hey- whatcha going? why ya deleting it? did you see my jaw?” he asked, clearly offended.

“you’re so boring, issei.” you whined, trying to conceal the fact your pout was slowly becoming a smile. “You were supposed to rail me, that’s the whole point of the trend.” you joked, not expecting for matsukawa’s hand to immediately latch onto your throat, “hah, well, you could’ve just asked nicely, doll.”

shōhei fukunaga 

♡ he kinda just chuckles at first 

♡ but as you continue, he’ll jerk his head around with his lips pursed to try capture your lips with his

♡ he’s honestly not sure what he’s supposed to do so please guide him 

♡ i’d say he seems like the sorta guy to hate being filmed but post-timeskip, he’s a comedian so he’d probably try put on a show for the camera 

♡ maybe subtly massage the back of your head, perhaps he’ll bite his bottom and give you ✨the look✨, or he’ll hold your jaw and longingly gaze at you- who knows?

♡ anything to keep you entertained （づ￣3￣）づ╭❤～

♡ WRUGETG BUT WHATEVER HE DOES, HE’S GONNA CRINGE IMMEDIATELY AFTER AND REGRET IT ><

♡ like you’ll try show him the video but he just turns away and covers his eyes like 😑 ‘no i don’t want to see’

♡ if you try post it though he will go feral

♡ probably tickles you, snatches your phone then deletes it 

♥　♡　♥　♡　♥　♡　♥

you clutched you phone as you looked at fukunaga dreamily while recording yourself. the noticed your odd behaviour but once he realised you were also recording, he just thought, ‘ah, that explains it.’

but what he didn’t expect was for you pounce on him then start covering his face in kisses. at first, he crinkles his nose and chuckled but just as you were about to say the second bit of dialog, an idea hit him. so without thinking, he gripped your throat then flipped y’all over so he was now on top, then he pressed his lips against your forehead while making the ‘mwah’ sound effect.

this took you by surprise so the last frame of the video was of you looking truly shocked and him looking down on your with a suggestive smirk - which was followed up by a sweet kiss but the video cut off before that. 

you both stared at the video as it replayed, neither of you liking what you were seeing. 

fukunaga was the first one to mention it though as he scrambled off you to grab your phone, “gimme that! you’re camera makes me look so weird.” you allowed him to yank your phone from your hands as you folded your hands behind your head, “my camera. sure.”

“sh-”

New Year’s Meme

this survey has been a tradition among my friend group for YEARS, but i haven’t filled it out since 2015 apparently. i’m not entirely sure why except 2016 was the year a lot of stuff changed for me, namely in that i finally got out of school in some form and started a new job, but i also had a few health problems that kept plaguing me (thyroid medicine being off, vitamin d) and my anxiety was all over the place. so here we go i’m doing it again and feel free to do it too if you want!!

1. What did you do in 2020 that you’d never done before? tried on wedding dresses. taught virtually. dealt (poorly) with drunk teenagers. performed in a pep rally. wore face masks all the time. i’m going to lump in living with someone. jon moved in october 2019, but i don’t think i did this quiz last year so. taught ap.

2. Did you keep your New Years’ resolutions and will you make more for next year? i don’t really like resolutions. they put too much pressure on me and i am a fragile person when it comes to setting expectations and living up to them. i did want to try to read more this year, and i maintained that until the pandemic, and then just kind of gave up requiring myself to do anything but live.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth? i don’t think so. a coworker did.

4. Did anyone close to you die? jon’s cousin committed suicide in march or april. the circumstances were pretty upsetting. um. andy died in february, very suddenly. andy was my high school boyfriend for four years with whom i had a very... he scarred me in a lot of ways when it comes to sex and consent. it’s taken me a long time to unpack all of that. and i struggle with how much any of that was his fault or just bc he was a stupid kid too. our mutual friends had nothing but nice things to say about him on fb. anyway. he would guilt me into saying he’d kill himself if we broke up, and jon’s cousin killed himself over his girlfriend. so that was a complex part of the year.

5. What countries did you visit? none. literally the week before the quarantine, we went to asheville to visit jon’s cousin.

6. What would you like to have in 2021 that you lacked in 2020? maybe a different job? or at least some peace at doing mine.

7. What date from 2020 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? march 13 we cancelled classes and had a technology training day; the 15th we had another one, and then we were virtual the rest of the term. it was such a sudden shift and while i so loved working from home tbh, it was such a relief after a supremely shitty january/february work-wise, i still had a lot of keyed-up, stressful days centered around transitioning to being the senior upper school spanish teacher. i hate it!

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? writing 50k in the month of november. i have literally never done that before and actively reject nano as being typically unhealthy for how my mind works, so it was nice to do it entirely by accident.

9. What was your biggest failure? mishandling the drunken teenagers on that field trip in january.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury? i sit crosslegged in my virtual teaching chair and i did it so much that my ankle hurt for the entire summer.

11. What was the best thing you bought? we put a deposit on our elopement in ireland. jon’s wedding ring. (i didn’t buy my wedding dress.)

12. Whose behavior merited celebration? my best friend at work who keeps me sane and is represented by benny in my au, which other than the fact that he is not my sidepiece, is perfect he is crucial to my survival at work and i love him so much. (also he is gay and the french teacher so the benny parallels just keep coming). everyone who tore down a statue in virginia (and other places, but especially monument avenue). everyone putting their lives on the line during this pandemic.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? guess! but aside from all the obvious, i found out a friend of mine at work voted for trump. my work bff and i had been trying for years to sway his politics, but that had us both deciding to give up on him.

14. Where did most of your money go?  food, ALCOHOL. god., our savings account. i did a pretty excellent job saving this year, though a good deal of that is because jon moved in and makes more money than me, and also we split all the bills.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? my wedding dress but strangely only when i went to try it on after it came in bc after the purchase i was so sure i’d made every mistake possible. my wedding band. wellbutrin changing my whole life. and, last but certainly not least, the gay angel and the bi(lingual) hunter. i wouldn’t have survived nov-dec in school without that distraction. the election.

16. What song(s) will always remind you of 2020? the entirety of taylor swift’s oeuvre this year, maybe specifically “this is me trying”

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:  i. Happier or sadder? happier, i suppose, perhaps contrary to what should be the case, but wellbutrin is a hell of a drug. ii. Older or wiser? wiser. ii. Richer or poorer? richer.

18. What do you wish you’d done more of? reading. cleaning. exercising.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of? stressing. chaperoning.

20. How will you be spending Christmas? so, an update; last year was the first year i didn’t go to my mom’s for christmas. i was supposed to see her for thanksgiving last year, but she basically told us not to come bc she wasn’t feeling up to it (cool!), and we went to jon’s for christmas and my mom’s for new year’s. 

this year, obviously we couldn’t go to my mom’s. instead, we rented a little cabin by the lake. it was perfect; it was really really nice inside, the beds were SO SOFT, the pillows were the best things i have ever laid my head on, like i took off the pillowcases to try to find the brand. we had a little tiny christmas tree with tiny ornaments from walmart that we decorated. the 23rd, we went and picked up our wedding bands. we slept two nights in the (cold) back bedroom so i could wake up and look out at the lake. it snowed for christmas. :)

we opened presents on christmas eve, per jon’s family’s tradition. on christmas eve, we also went to his family farm and sat outside and hung out a little. every year his family does like a secret santa sort of thing and i got my first present in that exchange, which is notable bc jon and i are not yet officially married. i got a remote control car -- jon’s idea bc i couldn’t think of anything, and he was so delighted to hear that i loved playing with rc cars when we went to the beach as a kid.

christmas morning we facetimed my parents and opened some presents together. then jon and i marathoned mandalorian (after spending the previous few days watching several die hard movies), and then we watched wonder woman 1984 which was a bad movie.

21. How will you be spending New Year’s Eve? ok LAST year for new year’s, we were in a hotel room, so that was nice, bc it meant minimal stress with my parents. i had always wanted to go to this restaurant near us that has a special new year’s menu, so we did that. the night before or after i think we went to cheesecake factory, which was also amazing.

this year currently i’m tumbling and he’s playing pokemon, and in a bit we’ll try to time it so we finish schitt’s creek in time for the new year.

22. Did you fall in love in 2020? i re-fell in love with supernatural so that was nice.

23. How many one-night stands? 0. i submit we should randomly change question 23 each year to something more relevant to any of our life experiences.

24. What was your favorite TV program? what did i even watch this year. schitt’s creek. mandalorian. i mean obviously we know supernatural. the circle. are you the one (the queer season). pose. unsolved mysteries. we’re here! perry mason. watchmen. oh maybe that mcdonald’s monopoly fraud documentary. avenue 5. i’ll be gone in the dark. of those i think my favorite maybe is... pose or we’re here.

OKAY UM. on my 2014 version of this there were a bunch of questions about tv shows that i’m putting back in if only for the memories:

25. Which TV shows did you start watching in 2020? the haunting of bly manor, which we still need to finish. derry girls.

26. Which TV shows did you let go of in 2020? HERE’S WHY I WANTED TO RESURRECT THESE. here was my answer in 2015: “supernatural. goodbye, my sweet prince.” CAN YOU EVEN FUCKING BELIEVE

27. Which TV shows did you mean to get into but didn’t in 2020? Why? so far, queen’s gambit and that one on hulu with catherine the great. EVENTUALLY. 28. Which TV shows do you intend on checking out in 2020? fleabag. queen’s gambit. 29. Which TV show do you think you might let go of in 2020 unless things significantly improve? idk i drop things pretty regularly if they don’t entertain me 30. Which TV show impressed you least in 2020? GUYS HERE’S MY ORIGINAL 2015 ANSWER: “supernatural. :(”

anyway back to the rest of the quiz:

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year? every person who refuses to listen to facts and information.

26. What was the best book you read? killers of the flower moon: the osage murders and the birth of the fbi, or the his dark materials series.

27. What was your greatest musical discovery? well i knew about tswift so i’m not going to count her albums. i will count this song that jon played for me once in the car that got stuck in my head for two weeks straight and led me down into a great related-songs spotify playlist: through the roof ‘n underground.

28. What did you want and get? a wedding dress and a very specific kind of wedding band. a gay angel. a christmas getaway. animal crossing.

29. What was your favorite film of this year? idk i don’t know how many films i saw this year. maybe mucho mucho amor: the legend of walter mercado

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? i was 32. we went to an escape room with a BUNCH of people -- work bff, my old work bff and his wife (old bc he quit and we’ve fallen out of touch :(), the cool new physics teacher and his fiancee, and the aforementioned trump voter and his wife, before we knew... we went out for brunch/lunch after. it was pretty great!

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? not having to chaperone that school trip in january. dean being bi in english as well as spanish. cas just ilke, appearing in 15x20. not having to physically go back to work this fall.

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2020? no! real! pants!

34. What kept you sane? jon. supernatural (in a way?). animal crossing for a while. wellbutrin! i haven’t really been able to detail this yet, but finally i did something about tumblr and my therapist making me think about adhd. my doctor gave me wellbutrin (bc i lack any official diagnosis and was on anxiety meds anyway, and he was like let’s try this!) and it’s fucking. it’s a fucking godsend. surprisingly enough, my students. trying to provide them a safe space has been a calming thing for me.

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? jensen ackles’ silence. misha collins again, i guess.

36. What political issue stirred you the most? the summer was so fucking intense. i guess though it was me trying to exert my influence in a responsible way with my students without trying to try to make them feel uncomfortable but then one kid was a vocally upset trump supporter after the election and i had to try to defuse that situation.

37. Who did you miss? my old work bff. several old friends that i’ve fallen out of touch with bc i have no object permanence.

38. Who was the best new person you met? people i met through the spn resurgence!

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2020: if you manifest it in an au, it will come. no really though. maybe that expectations are only as important as i make them out to be.

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year: usually i have a hard time coming up with anything for this and i default to looking at my most played songs of the year. my most played song of the year received each and every one of its plays within the month of november and you can guess why. anyway see if this works

I had all and then most of you Some and now none of you Take me back to the night we met I don't know what I'm supposed to do Haunted by the ghost of you Take me back to the night we met - the night we met, lord huron

your pantherverse au is beautiful and now im obsessed with ryan sneaking round trying to surprise and prod “mrrrps” outta shane. fic would be adorable if your still open to pantherverse requests 💖

i hope you like this, thank you for the prompt, it’s so hecking cute❤ also it’s mostly my friend’s @josemorningstar‘s au tbh, i just help in with it. (he’s happy to answer asks about it too!)

read on AO3

Ryan puts a finger to his lips, twisted into a grin, in a shushing motion, and then he taps the flip camera icon on his phone. Shane’s frame from behind pops up on the screen, sitting on his office chair, legs crossed. He’s editing a photo, probably for a thumbnail, and it’s one of those rare occasions when he’s so focused he doesn’t even hear Ryan walk up behind him.

Ryan is moving slowly, putting one foot after the other with the ease of a predator, skilled in sneaking up on his prey. That is Shane and he does not suspect a thing. Perfect.

The footage shows Ryan reaching out, just as carefully, before going in quick, making contact with Shane’s back, splaying out over the thin fabric of his shirt.

Ryan holds his breath as he does so and a heartbeat later—

Yeah, there it is. Shane jumps, a little sound escaping his lips, a sound that makes Ryan’s grin grow impossibly big. It’s one of his favorites, he’d die happily hearing it.

It’s a mrrp, a sound plenty of cats make when touched unexpectedly, but Ryan’s favorite is the one Shane does. So, of course, he tries to scare or surprise him as often as he possibly can.

He only puts it on Instagram because the whole experience of Shane making that noise is a blessing upon this world that needs to be shared. Well, not too often, Ryan would still like to keep most of the occasions he actually managed to surprise Shane into a mrrp to himself.

He stops recording after he zooms in on Shane’s very much unamused expression, accompanied by Ryan’s belly laugh. He barely had time to pull his phone down and duck out of the way of one of the smaller Paddington plushes flying towards him. Another set of giggles bubble up from his chest before he realizes what Shane actually threw at him.

“Hey, I got that from a fan, asshole!” He scoffs, going to pick poor little Paddington up and set him back on his desk carefully.

“That’s what you get for being a dick,” Shane says, chin propped up in his palm, focusing on his laptop again. There is a flush high on his cheeks and Ryan, once again, can’t contain his satisfied grin. Shane is blushing! He’s blushing and he’s fucking sulking, at that!

Easily the best thing he’s seen all day and it’s only 10 AM.

“But it’s so cute, Shane. Gotta share it with the fans!”

“It’s not fucking cute.” Shane murmurs. He sounds like he’s mad but Ryan catches a glimpse at the hint of a smile behind his fingers.

He knew he won immediately.

“I won’t post it if you don’t want me to.” Ryan offers because he’s a good friend. And he also knows how sensitive Shane is about the sounds he makes, due to having broken meows in his cat form. Ryan personally thinks it’s the sweetest thing ever, but Shane is stubborn as hell.

“Go ahead,” Shane says, letting out an exasperated sigh as if he’d be doing a huge sacrifice. What a drama queen. “I suppose at the very least people will see just how gone you are over me.”

He adds, with a smug drawl to his voice, and it had the desired effect because Ryan’s stomach does a little flip. The one specific flip it got used to doing ever since they’ve started playfully flirting with each other, just tethering on the edge of too much or too dangerous. On the edge of their friendship, before it evolves into something more. More serious, romantic, sexual, just more.

Ryan is still trying to catch his breath after that whole interaction as he settles back in his chair, to edit and post the video on Instagram.

He wonders when they will finally say fuck it, and jump over that line between friendship and something more together.

Or, because it’s them, the Ghoulboys, when will one of them finally drag the other over that line?

The next time Ryan gets the urge to make Shane do that wonderful little noise is when they’re filming the newest season of True Crime.

They’re about thirty minutes in and Ryan is reading his script, then coming to a pause to look at Shane and give him an opportunity to react. But Shane isn’t really looking at him. In fact, he’s just staring right in front of him, so deep in thought, Ryan isn’t sure he’s even in his body anymore.

Normally, Ryan would be concerned, and he is, to a degree, but he knows how hard Watcher has them working at the moment, the anxiety, that their whole company might be a flop. It had a toll on both theirs and Steven’s mental health. Not to mention their sleep schedules.

So it’s not unusual Shane is zoning out, especially while Ryan is trying to talk about some pretty heavy murder case. Ryan does see an opportunity, however, to have a little fun with Shane not paying attention to him.

Everyone kind of just stopped, including TJ, but before he could say anything, ask Shane if he’s okay, Ryan is reaching out, pointer finger extended. He holds his breath, the corner of his lips already lifting into a huge grin and then his finger makes contact with the side of Shane’s face.

And Shane jumps. He flinches more than Ryan had ever seen him, and he’d feel a little bad if it weren’t for that ‘mrrp’. It’s so loud, is the thing and it makes Ryan’s heart sing in happiness.

He bursts out laughing, head thrown back and his whole body bowing into it. There is some laughter from the crew too, but Ryan is too busy looking at Shane, all bright smile and shining eyes, despite Shane’s expression being pissed.

Ryan knows it’s not too serious, he has gotten used to that expression, with how much he’s been a brat lately, at every opportunity he gets, to get a reaction, anything out of Shane.

“Very funny, can we go back to the murked guy now?” Shane asks, trying and failing at covering up his embarrassment.

And well, Ryan could point out how he’s been the one zoning out, but it has no use, Shane is annoyed already, and Ryan does know not to go too far sometimes. He’ll make it up to him later by buying him lunch or something.

“Sure thing, big guy.” He says instead, shooting him one last smile, full of warmth and fondness and it might improve Shane’s mood just a little.

It’s going to be another story for Instagram, and then it will remain a video on Ryan’s phone, sitting there for ages, for him to hit up sometimes and smile about, ear to ear. Show Shane, maybe, as they’re chilling together at Ryan’s, or Shane’s, maybe their own apartment together at that point.

Fuck, they’ve only been officially a Thing for a few days and Ryan is already daydreaming about their future, years down the line. Well, can anyone put the blame on him, really? When Shane is sleeping next to him like that, so unbothered, beautiful in the setting sun that filters through the plane’s tiny window.

His face is smooth, and Ryan has the weirdest urge to kiss his nose, or the small cluster of freckles right above his right eyelashes, or Shane’s slightly parted lips, huffing little breaths of air. He thinks it may be the honeymoon phase of their relationship, all of it being so new. Ryan is simply overwhelmed with the fact that he could do all of that now, and more if he so pleases. On the other hand, he doesn’t think he will ever stop being giddy about that. Or how soft Shane looks when he’s sleeping.

Ryan took a picture of him before he started recording too, it’s easily one of his favorite photos of Shane. And then, because Ryan Bergara is an insufferable little shit who has to entertain himself on the boring plane ride, he figured he might as well try to make Shane do that sound again.

The very first time he shared it with the internet in the form of that office video everyone loved it. So, Shane’s little cat noise had been high demand, people kept tweeting and commenting and yelling at him absolutely everywhere to upload another one of those videos.

And well, who is Ryan Bergara to deny them?

He raises the phone higher, to frame Shane perfectly, and carefully removes his hand from where it was resting, on top of Shane’s. Luckily, he didn’t react to that.

Ryan takes a few minutes, to think about how he’d like to approach it. Simply touching Shane has been done, he should do something more original.

He could poke his nose. Or tickle his neck. Ryan hums and his gaze happens to drift over to Shane’s hair. He could just bury his hand in his hair like he would with a cat’s fur.

He starts recording again, and the mic picks up his amused little chuckle.

“Part two for you folks, here we go.” He announces in a hushed tone before carefully reaching out to bury his fingers into Shane’s oh so soft locks, carding through it, maybe way too lovingly for it to be taken as a friendly gesture.

And then, there it is.

Shane lets out Ryan’s favorite noise and Ryan is fucking overjoyed. Up until Shane full-on tilts his head into Ryan’s hand as he lets out an enthusiastic purr, and Ryan forgets to breathe.

“Ohmygod.”

The words are punched out of his lung, in one breath, smushed together, and when Ryan would listen back to his voice later he would realize how in awe and disgustingly in love he sounded just then.

And he wouldn’t have it any other way.

He ends the video, almost abruptly. His other is still brushing through Shane’s hair, subconsciously, scratching at his scalp with gentle fingers. He feels Shane shudder and then brown, sleepy eyes are blinking back at him. Shane’s purrs go quiet but it reverberates through his chest ever so slightly. Ryan can feel it when his hand drops onto Shane’s nape, tangling into the long strands of hair there too, pulling just a bit, just to feel Shane shudder again, hear the soft growl coming from the back of his throat.

“Stop it, you’re gonna make me horny.” He murmurs and Ryan wheezes, but complies. Reluctantly.

“Did you just take a video of me, by the way?” Shane asks, rubbing a hand down his face, tired. Ryan feels it too, the exhaustion as he looks at his friend, business partner, boyfriend. They’ve really been through an awful lot these months, with Watcher, currently shooting the new season of Supernatural.

But they could always take a nap together.

“Yeah, but don’t worry about it. We’ll talk about it later. Go back to sleep, big guy.” Ryan tells him quietly, pocketing his phone and well, who is Shane to say no to that?

So he does, slipping as far down his seat as his Sasquatch legs would allow him, so he can rest his cheek against Ryan’s shoulder, using him as an impromptu pillow. Ryan does not complain at all.

They would talk about the video, later, when they would be in their hotel room.

Well, it isn’t much of a talk at all, it’s more of Shane watching the video while Ryan worries his bottom lip between his teeth. He shouldn’t even be nervous. He’d understand if the video would end up in his drafts for a few months still, years even.

Then Shane looked up at him, with that incredibly annoying, unreadable expression on his face, before leaning in to press a kiss to Ryan’s cheek. “It’s cute, you should post it.”

That’s all he says, in the most nonchalant way possible and Ryan would like to hit him a little bit for that.

Regardless, the video ends up uploaded onto his feed instead, because it deserves to be there, not just for a day, but for a good while, to mark the beginning of a new chapter of sorts.

It deserves a caption just as monumental, so there are no misunderstandings or a flood of questions later on.

ryanbergara: Part 2 of annoying the boyfriend 💖

Ryan wakes to the sunshine burning his eyes, still feeling as sleepy when he and Shane went to bed last night as he checks his phone. It’s way too early in the morning for either of them to be awake.

And yet, here they are. Here is Shane, turned in a way that Ryan can see the expanse of his back Ryan loves to admire. He sweeps his gaze over his favorite freckles on Shane’s back and the dip of his waist disappearing under the covers. The sunlight drapes over Shane’s back invitingly, making it seem warm, soft and kissable.

He kissed all those freckles many times, and he still can’t get enough of the sight of them, not even so many years later.

He still can’t get enough of waking up next to Shane, seeing him first thing in the morning. Ryan’s heart flutters every time, he simply cannot help it.

There is a faint light coming from the other side of Shane, bouncing off of his hair, suggesting he’s on his phone.

And that won’t do, Ryan is awake and he needs attention.

He moves, swiftly fitting himself behind Shane, with one strong arm wrapping around his waist under the covers securely.

“Mrrp!”

The sound lets something loose in Ryan and he melts behind Shane, his hold tightening around him has Shane complaining in the form of a groan.

Ryan doesn’t care one bit though, he’s purring loudly now, much deeper and powerful than Shane’s purrs normally are, considering he’s a panther. It must reverberate through Shane’s whole body because he relaxes, pressed into Ryan’s chest and head falling back on Ryan’s shoulder.

His hand finds Ryan’s, long fingers curling around his, lacing together and knocking their matching silver rings together in the process.

“You’re crushing me, dumbass.” Shane laughs, quietly, fondly, in contrast to his words.

“Mhm, don’t care.” Ryan hums, pressing a chaste kiss on Shane’s shoulder and hugging him even closer, to prove a point.

“Sure you don’t. Go on, suffocate your poor husband if that’s what I deserve! For being your faithful lover for years and—” Shane cuts himself off with another groan of complaint, attempting to turn out of Ryan’s arms when he has the audacity to wheeze into Shane’s neck.

Yeah, Ryan wouldn’t have it any other way.

What's your opinion on Midsommar in general? I see it applauded as the height of cinema everywhere, and don't take me wrong, I do not think that it is a bad movie, however, in my opinion, the execution felt...off? I am unsure how to describe it. Despite finding the execution lacking, I liked the premise, I am a big fan of psychological horror, I liked the message. BUT I definitely felt like nearly 3 hours was not it. I don't see anyone else complain about the length though, so I'm wondering if that's just a me + my family problem. I am the last person to say "There is nothing happening in this film, I hate it!", ask anyone, you'll find that I find most films, which people describe as painfully slow-paced, engaging. But holy shit, when watching Midsommar, I thought to myself "There is nothing happening." Personally, I thought that many scenes had no purpose, and look, I get that not everything in an art piece has to have a purpose, but when your film is 3 hours long, maybe you should cut something out. Because a very thrilling 3 hours long film will definitely engage people more than a slow-paced 3 hours long movie. People will get bored. I mean, wasn't Endgame like 3 hours long (or was that Infinity War? Oh well)? I have yet to hear someone say that the pacing was painful and boring. I simply think that maybe it is not a good idea to drag out a drama / psychological horror film for that long. Although, some people do like extreme slowburns so I guess some were fine with it, but as I said I'm considered very tolerant when it comes to slow films and even I felt like death was near by the time it ended.

I know it sounds like I hate the movie, but I promise that I do like it. I just wish it wasn't so goddamn long and I do find some decisions rather odd. Like the hive mind screaming of the women. I am not sure if they thought it'd be like creepy but honestly after some time it became funny as all shit. And mainly just plain annoying for the ears. If it lasted like 5 seconds, but holy fuck from what I remember, that scene was LONG (or there were 2+ of those scenes. Either one long one or several shorter. idk). After a while I started to feel like a bull. And you know what I find to be perhaps the weirdest part? You know when they kill one of the guys for like pissing on their tree or whatever? When the other guy goes looking for him / his notes? They show a naked/deformed(?) man standing fully in the dark, if I recall right, you can see that there is something very wrong with him though, like in the Frankenstein's monster way, and the lad recognises him as the guy who was presumed to have been murdered. This is never addressed again (I think later Danni finds everyone's dead bodies in hay or something but either I just forgot or this one is not there). Like...what WAS that??? So did they kill the guy? Did they lobotomise and torture him?? For what? What was that?? Honestly I think that I zoned out during the last hour of the movie so maybe it was in fact addressed. If so, could you tell me what the hell that was? Because I'm...I'm really curious about that.

I feel really bad saying this, because you wrote so much and I wanna add to the conversation, but I haven't watched the whole movie, only some parts to understand what everyone was talking about - that's probably part of why I find the set design so disorientating, idk if it has establishing shots that just weren't in the clips I've watched or if it genuinely is like that in the movie, but I couldn't tell where people were or what things were or where one area was relative to another. that's my main criticism of what I've seen tbh, but the length is a bit off putting especially with this info (I love The Martian, which is a pretty slow paced film, but I hate Les Affamés/Ravenous because sweet fuck all happens in that movie except like two dad jokes and the mouse trap scene and one lady going feral for five seconds, the rest is just people silently looking sad). while Midsommar made me confront the fact that sometimes even I can momentarily buy into the false idea that presenting something = endorsing it when not at least vaguely stating "this is bad" before my brain clicks back into place and tells me not to be a dumbass, and I like what I've seen of other works and the philosophy of the person (they made a short film about a son raping his dad because they went "what am I not supposed to make" then made it), I don't know if that appreciation for how they've widened my self-awareness is enough to make me sit through a movie that just didn't appeal to me in terms of pure entertainment value from the clips and trailers that I did watch. 

Youtuber!Beetlejuice Headcanons Part 2

I don’t know how, I don’t know why, but my Youtuber!Beej hcs have gotten almost 200 notes in like under a day (thatsalsocountingthespamjustballoonfishthingsdidbutanyway) and I promised a part two once I reached 100 so. Here we are.

Part 1

Tagging: @justballoonfishthings, @broadwaytrashstrikesagain, @imma-fucking-nerd

You have figured something wasn’t quite normal with Beetlejuice long before the two of you started dating

For one, he always ate just really weird shit

Bugs, glass, wood, paper, rat poison on one occasion and just constantly eating tide pods

At first you’d panic but as time went on, you figured it was all a prank and it was just sugar made to look like inedible stuff

Would explain his hyperactivity and why he always seemed to just need to Move

But when you eventually started spending more and more time at his and filming your videos at the Deetz’s who were his family but also not apparently, the more you realised

No there was some fucked up shit happening

The amount of times he just....took a glass from the cupboard and started munching, or just took one of Adam’s model houses and slammed the whole thing in his mouth or found a random beetle and just. Fucken ate the sucker

It was terrifying

But according to Lydia, he has a really strong stomach and he won’t die from eating literal poison as he downs a bottle of weed killer

You just watched and decided

Ok. Fine. I can handle this

Then there was the hair. On camera, you thought it was a trick of the light because during the con, his hair was a permanent green with occasionally the tips being pink, but that could be hair chalk

But at home, his hair changed constantly, on its own, according to his mood

Perhaps it was a type of hair dye that changes colour depending on body temperature

Ignoring the fact that his hair is very much, for the most part, away from his scalp

But more small things started to happen. Like how he could just disappear and reappear at random, at first you thought it was ninja skills. But then it became ‘no this is physically impossible for him to be here so quickly’

Once, you swore you saw him levitate

His total lack of regard for danger too, it just all slowly started to add up that perhaps there was more to this story than everyone was letting on

The kicker was when you literally caught him sitting on the ceiling to entertain Lydia

It wasn’t the ceiling part that got you, although that was creepy

It was the fact he was slowly turning his head a full 360 degrees

You booked it out of there, rushing past the concerned Maitlands and the Deetz’s and out the front door, all the way back to your house

Beetlejuice kept blowing up your phone with voice messages, his preferred way to text ‘You ok babes?’ ‘Adam said you looked like you’d seen a ghost!’ ‘Please message me?’ ‘Babes, seriously, are you ok? Everyone’s worried.’ ‘Are we through? Are you ghosting me?’ ‘Very mature Y/N. Call me when you decide you want to be an adult.’ ‘Please. Please at least text me. I’ll get Lydia to read it out! Just. Don’t ignore me, please babes.’

The last one sounded so broken but you ignored it

What the FUCK was that?

You could feel the panic brewing in your gut as the vision played again and again in your brain

Maybe you imagined it? No, there was no way that you thought this up

When you finally collect yourself, you text Lydia

‘What the FUCK was that with Beetlejuice?’ 

Minutes passed before you got a response, simply a question mark.

‘His head was rotating like a fucking owl Lydia!’

Almost instantly, your phone started buzzing with Beetlejuice trying to call you

You hesitate over the ignore button, but figured that it was best to hear the excuse from the man himself.

You press accept

“Babes! Are you alright?” He shouts down the phone, clearly concerned.

“What. The. Fuck.” Is all you get out, anxiety now turning into rage. “What the fuck was that? How the fuck? Beetlejuice, I could accept that perhaps you had this weird biology thing which meant you could eat weird shit, and perhaps you could decide to be light on your feet when usually I can hear you coming towards me a mile off, but what. Was. That?” You spew out in one large rush.

There is a pause, you can feel him thinking

“Say my name three times.” He begs

“What?” The change of subject confused you enough that the anger pretty much all but disappeared. “Is this a hypnosis thing?”

“No!” His protest is loud as he struggles to remain composed. “Look, just. It’s hard to explain. Just say my name three times, it’s gotta be spoken, unbroken ok? Just say my name three times in a row.”

You blink but decide to entertain him.

“Beetlejuice. Beetlejuice.”

“One more time. Please babes.”

“Beetlejuice.”

Suddenly, with a loud pop, he was there. In front of you. Still holding his phone. His hair was blue and purple, which you came to realise was sad and scared. He quickly hangs up and just stares at you as you process what just happened.

“What. Ok. I’m losing my mind.” You finally decide. “Stress, I have too busy a schedule, I’m just stressed.” You flinch when his hands move to grab your shoulders

“No babes, it’s me.” He hesitates for a second before taking a breath. “I’m dead.” “You’re gonna be.” “No, I mean now. I’m the ghost with the most. Dead.”

You blink before mouthing the words ‘dead’. “I need to see a shrink, clearly I’m psychotic.”

Beetlejuice groans. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner, I was scared you were gonna run off and. Well. I didn’t want that.” His hand moves to cup your cheek, thumb running at the skin under your eyes gently. “But this is real, and I’m still real, even if I’m a dead guy.”

“Hence the glass and bugs and rotating head.” He nods.

“It’s not all I can do, but it’s some of it.”

You poke his chest, causing him to push back slightly before sighing. “Is there anything else I need to know?”

He looks at you confused. “You’re not dumping me?” You raise an eyebrow

“I moved halfway across the country to be closer to you. You’re still the same dumbass I fell in love with, the one with Mommy issues who loves it when people during out livestreams spend the entire time gushing over how lucky I am to have you, because it gives you an excuse to say that you’re the lucky one that I chose you. Still the dumbass who laughs during horror flicks because its so unrealistic and claims to be best pals with the Mothman and is addicted to Buzzfeed Unsolved and wants to do a collab with them. I’m not dumping you. You hid this from me for a reason and I’m just glad that you’ve told me now. But, as I said.” You make eye contact for the first time since you saw his head spin around his body like a Beyblade. “Is there anything else I need to know?”

“I tried to marry Lydia in an attempt to become alive but she killed me shortly after, Delia gave me the ok to kill a man and I’m pretty sure Charles has come close to murdering me too, but we are all friends now. Also, the Maitlands are also ghosts.” He gets it out in one long breath. You just stare at him.

“Is everyone in that house dead?” “No, just me and the Maitlands.” “Lydia looks like she might be dead.” “She is on the inside.”

You nod as the shock slowly goes through your system. “You tried to marry a teenager?” “It was a green card thing!” He protests. “And, and, and! I had a full blown panic attack because breather emotions are evil and that teenager stabbed me!” “I think she had a good reason Beej.”

It takes a little adjusting and a lot more questions, but you are more or less content with the whole thing, a month before you’d fully accepted it and five weeks before you finally processed the whole thing

You had a lot of questions for the Maitlands and when they told you the sort of person Beetlejuice was before he met you, it made sense compared to all the shit he had told you in confidence 

Still

Life goes on

And it turns out you have a dead youtuber for a boyfriend, who lives in a house with two other ghosts, a teen he tried to marry, a spiritual guide who asked him to murder her ‘guru’ named Kevin and one relatively normal guy

Tbh that’s a sitcom that you’d wanna watch.

Thoughts after the Golden Globes -Elton and Bernie just carved out a path to Oscar gold. I think Bernie stating that this is the first award they won together will excite awards voters and will probably get them the win. 

-now that Think I’m Gonna Love Me Again is a lock for a nomination, we’re going to get to see Taron sing with Elton on the Oscars stage 

-After a hostless Oscars last year and a hostless Emmy’s this year, Ricky reminded me why we need a host. Funny or offensive, he was able to give the show momentum and maintain it. Without a host, the start of the show feels awkward and slow. 

-Ricky wasn’t as mean as I thought he was going to be. He largely avoided picking on the people in the room which was a change for him. I think that either better as it wasn’t as uncomfortable.

-Ricky will be back. I’d bet on it. He just has too much fun making people squirm. -lots of politics but that’s not too surprising. My favorite political moments were Michelle Williams speech and Russell Crowe’s message. 

-Brad Pitt ending his speech telling people to be kind was the kind of positive messaging I like. 

-Tom Hanks should teach a master class or just straight up a film class. The man knows his techniques. 

-Ellen’s speech was perfect. I do think it’s amazing that the second person to win the Carol Burnett Award is a queer woman. 

-Ellen talking about her “husband Mark” and her “two kids” had me dying. But I also like that she added that “the reason y’all are laughing is because you know me so well”, and that’s so true. 

-The fashion was just ok. I thought most people looked pretty but few were really trying to turn a look. I did think Saorsie Ronan looked fire and Renee Zellwigger had such a simple but divine look. Of course the fashion moment of the night was Billy Porter. 

-Every time the camera cut to the Elton table, I looked for Taron, but he was often blocked, not in frame, or missing. 

-Taron going ape when Elton won was so adorable and sweet. He really is a loyal friend and great cheerleader to his mates.

-Elton and Bernie’s acceptance speech was very nice. I thought giving a shoutout to Taron was lovely. When the camera pointed to him I got so excited. 

-I forgot to mention that Elton also turned a look. The embroidery on the jacket, the puffy sleeves, the big broach, it was simple but elegant and a little bold. It felt authentically Elton. I also thought David looked very dapper. I think the embroidery on his suit was gorgeous. They were probably the best dressed couple of the night tbh. 

-Elton and Bernie getting a standing ovation just to introduce a clip shows what legends they are.

-Leo looked happy for Taron, so I’m guessing there will be no sad Leo memes.

-Roman Griffin Davis looked happy for Taron as well, and I was relieved because you gotta feel bad when a young kid loses like that, and you just hope they’re not crushed, but he seemed happy, so I’m relieved. 

-Word is that Roman Griffin Davis’s suit was inspired by Eggy’s suit in Kingsman Golden Circle. I’m not sure if that’s totally true, but if so that’s awesome! If so, it must’ve been awesome for him to get a special shoutout from Eggsy himself. Also, he had a fashion moment himself. Like that suit was perfectly tailored. He honestly took more of a fashion risk at 10 years old than 90% of the people in that room, and I’ve got to respect that. 

-Okay, I’ve held back long enough; it’s time to talk about Taron. 

-So, TARON WON A FREAKING GOLDEN GLOBE! I was so worried it wasn’t going to happen. I was literally on edge the whole night, and when the announcer said the award for best actor in a musical/comedy was coming up, I was so freaking nervous. Literally, when Chris Evans and Scarlett Johansson started their presentation, my heart was racing. I couldn’t even stay on the couch. I had to crouch on the floor, because I was so anxious. And when they said the nominees, and they said Eddie Murphy’s name, I was like THIS IS IT WHO LIVES OR DIES WHO TELLS OUR STORY. Then, there was that little pause before Chris Evans read the name. Every time I’m anticipating an award, when the presenter does that little pause, in my head I’ll say the person who I want to win/think will win and try to will it into existence. This time, I was like “taron egerton” in my little brain thinking that Chris was about to say Eddie Murphy. Then, I heard a “tar” and I lost my shit. At this point, I am sitting on my living room floor inches from the TV. I screamed so loud, and started applauding. I was so freaking excited. But there was definitely this weird feeling of disbelief in my brain. I had so readied myself for him to lose that I couldn’t even process the fact that he’d won. So, when it panned to him, it was like this weird reassurance that yes, Taron in fact won. So, watching him approach the stage looking flabbergasted, I was so just excited and emotional. But it didn’t really hit me that Taron had just one a Golden Globe until he was standing on stage holding the award and starting his acceptance speech. That’s when I let out a second even louder scream. And then, the more it sank in that he actually won (and that everything I hoped this night would be had come to fruition) I burst into tears. I literally sat on my living room floor crying over this man who I didn’t even really know anything about a year ago. It was so surreal but in the best way. I could not have been more excited for him. 

-Taron’s speech was PHENOMENAL. A commentator from Gold Derby, in their post-show recap, declared it one of the best speeches of the night, and like yeah it totally was. His speech was humble, gracious, and just the right amount of sweet. He came off as so surprised, overwhelmed, and overjoyed to win. It was so refreshing after a night where so many people who won seemed like they totally expected it and weren’t all that floored by it. So, to have Taron go up there, his voice all shaky, be totally blown away felt all the more genuine and even needed. He did the typical thing of acknowledging the other people in his category. I thought he had some kind words for the others. I also thought it was so sweet to give a special shoutout to Roman. It was so sweet. I also think it’s amazing that he managed to thank just about every person he was obligated to thank (except for poor Emily, but we’ll let that slide). He thanked his costars, Dexter, Giles Martin, the producers, his team, and the team at Paramount and managed to have something nice to say about most of them. And of course, he gave a very special shoutout to Elton and Bernie. I thought his message to Elton was touching and sweet. Again, he came off as so gracious and humble. Lastly, he gave a special thank you to his mom (which was so lovely). I think the fact that he managed to thank everyone and to do so with such genuine gratitude made it one of the best speeches. It was the type of speech that reminds you why we have to sit through these speeches. 

-It shouldn’t surprise any of us that Taron is amazing at award show speeches. The guy is made of gratitude and humility, so the fact that he showed that off in his little moment shouldn’t be surprising, but yet I was still floored by it. It was just that good. 

-Not to go all cynical analyst or anything, but a speech like that can push him further in the Oscar race. Oscar voters love a good speech, so simply having a memorable speech that people get behind is already a big plus. But also, I think the fact that his speech was so gracious and humble also helps. Oscar voters love a bit of humility and gratitude. So, I think that can carry him far. In fact, I believe his attitude has already carried him quite far in this business along with his talent. But I digress. 

-What I did not anticipate when I conceived of our boy winning was just how much post-show content we were going to get. Last night, I stayed up till all hours looking at the interviews from a variety of big entertainment outlets. It was amazing to see Taron so overjoyed and thankful. I could tell before the awards that he was a little nervous (I’ll get to that in a bit), so it was great to see him so happy and elated. 

-Bringing his sisters along to the Hollywood Reporter interview was adorable. If you didn’t see it, Taron held Mari while Rosie stood at his side holding his Globe during the interview. They were being so polite and so shy; it was cute. Plus, he gave them each a little kiss towards the end of the interview. So precious. 

-My god he did a lot of interviews in a short time span. He somehow had momentum through a marathon of interviews.

can’t breathe when you touch my sleeve - chapter 3

pairing: dan howell/phil lester

rating: e (eventually)

warnings: none

tags: alternate universe, slow burn, fluff & humour, tiny bit of inner turmoil wrt sexuality but trust me it’s not that deep, eventual smut, idiots in love

word count: 3,385 for this chapter (12,653 total)

summary: Dan keeps making a fool of himself in interviews, to the point where it’s basically a meme. Now he’s got to sit down for the better part of an hour and sell his show to the YouTuber he’d had a massive crush on when he was a teenager.

read from the beginning on ao3 or on tumblr!

read this chapter on ao3 or here!

Dan has been dreading the seemingly-inevitable call from his family, now that filmed interviews are being uploaded and live interviews are starting in the next few days, so he’s almost disappointed when it never comes.

Surely his parents know he’s in London. There’s promotion for his show on a couple different channels they watch, and his dad has always been fairly good at keeping up with entertainment news. Adrian follows him on Instagram, but - and Dan isn’t proud of this - he can’t remember if Adrian still lives in Wokingham or not. He can’t even remember how old Adrian is without doing the math.

So maybe they haven’t been keeping up with Netflix shit, maybe Adrian isn’t home to tell their parents that he’s in town, but surely, surely some well-meaning friend of the family will say something? That’s always been the case when he comes to town.

After almost a whole week, though, Dan cracks. He calls his mum. It goes to voicemail.

That makes him panic a little, but she texts him an, at work … call you when I’m home x. So, questionable ellipses usage aside, Dan is comfortably reassured that his entire family isn’t dead.

Dan busies himself with catching up on the Heatwave cast interviews he hasn’t watched yet. Patrick doesn’t like to watch them and Jaime couldn’t give a shit one way or the other, but Dan is unable to allow a video of him to exist without knowing exactly what it contains. That’s a control thing, mostly, but he also doesn’t want to be blindsided by a new Daniel Interview Meme that he doesn’t understand.

He types his own name into the YouTube search bar and feels his heartrate pick up when he sees a thumbnail from BBC Radio One.

Thinking about Phil makes his heart race like he’s a teenager with a crush, and he presses play just so he can listen to Phil talk. He can barely remember what he said in the interview, so completely caught up in Phil’s eyes and grin as he’d been.

The interview itself is good. Nothing special, in terms of the actual things they talk about, but Dan can feel the difference in the way he speaks to Phil versus the way he’s spoken to anyone else - comfort. He had been so immediately comfortable with their back-and-forth, only awkward because he’d been trying so hard not to think about what Phil looked like under his nice clothes.

Dan wonders if anyone else can see the difference or if he only notices because he’s so attuned to his own body language, has the advantage of knowing the whole context.

He scrolls idly through the comments and feels heat rise to his face.

Yeah. People noticed.

Lots of comments are just about Dan or the show or the lack of Patrick or Jaime, but there’s more than a few that are about Dan and Phil’s apparent chemistry. Phil, being an out gay man with no partner and a fanbase, probably has to deal with these types of comments all the time, but it’s new for Dan.

Dan shakes his head to try and clear it. He doesn’t want to get stuck in YouTube comments and feel impotent irritation every time someone replies, ‘uh, Daniel Howell is straight’, like they know him. Like he’s ever said that.

He’s been photographed with women, because he’s casually dated them over the past decade, but he’s never said he’s straight. And it never works out with them anyway.

Dating girls is fine - they’re all softness and little sighs and hands that look so extremely small wrapped in his own - but he doesn’t think he can ever be with one for a significant amount of time. That thought is one he usually keeps locked in his mental box, but. He doesn’t shy away from it this time.

Even if he could admit it to himself proper, it’s easier for Dan to just not talk about it publicly. He hasn’t dated anyone seriously enough for it to be an issue in ten years. Nobody needs to know that every time he’s inside a woman he remembers why it never progresses past that.

It’s fine. It’s always fine. It’s just, if he’s completely honest with himself, 'fine’ isn’t what he wants to settle for.

“Moot point anyway,” Dan mumbles to himself, clicking over to Phil’s channel for a distraction. “Not like you’re gonna do anything about it, you big fucking coward.”

Phil has uploaded the video he told Dan about when Dan was busy trying not to stare at his mouth. It’s such a welcome distraction that Dan almost doesn’t clock the title and thumbnail for the buffoonery they are.

IS MY DOG PSYCHIC?

The title doesn’t change when Dan blinks. Neither does the image of Thor, edited to be wearing round glasses in front of a crystal ball.

“What,” Dan says, clicking on the video before any of it really sinks in.

“Hi guys,” says Phil. He already looks like he’s trying not to laugh. “I know you read the title and you’re like, what, but I promise it is not clickbait! As I’m sure many of you know, my grandma had 'the gift’, and sometimes I think she passed it on to me. The question is, did I pass it on to my son?”

Phil pulls an over-exaggerated thoughtful expression and then breaks, giggling and shaking his head at himself.

“I know it’s stupid, but, I also figured it might be funny? I dunno, you tell me.”

It’s exactly as silly as Dan expects it to be. Phil sits on his floor with Thor while the dog 'reads’ his tarot cards. Dan can see why this video gave Phil a hard time in editing. There are a lot of close ups of Thor and the cards, filmed more like a comedy skit than a vlog.

He finds himself laughing along and getting way too invested in what the tarot cards mean, and he knows first hand how much work Phil put into this, so Dan clicks the share button before he can overthink it.

tbh watching amazingthorgi do anything could make a believer out of me, he tweets alongside the link.

Most of America is asleep still, but that doesn’t stop hundreds of people replying. Dan’s really got nothing better to do while he waits for his mum to call, so he settles in to respond to some of them. He makes a couple bad jokes, commiserates with some of them over not being able to have a dog yet, and ignores any mention of Phil.

Maybe that’s childish of him. He is sharing Phil’s work, after all. He sighs and replies to an innocuous question about how he knows Phil. met during this and then he let me meet his dog so now he’s not getting rid of me, Dan says with a link to the BBC Radio One interview.

His phone chirps with a Twitter notification and he taps it warily, still scrolling through replies on his laptop.

@AmazingPhil @danielhowell You saw his face now you’re a believer? He’ll tell your fortune anytime! It’s accompanied with dog and sparkle and crystal ball and, inexplicably, sock emojis.

Dan laughs, the sound of it almost surprising him. It’s impossible not to feel some kind of way when Phil is the way he is, so cheerful and dorky and fun.

He likes the tweet, but responds by messaging Phil - do you have me on notif or are you just always online - because he doesn’t want to add any more fuel to the fire that is Twitter stans. He can already imagine the argument threads about his sexuality that he usually tries so hard to avoid.

The thought of strangers picking apart something he’s not even comfortable with himself is abhorrent, makes him itch, and he puts on some older AmazingPhil videos to calm himself back down.

That depends

on?

Which one is lamer lmao

Phil’s voice filling the lonely hotel room and his words taking up space on Dan’s screen where something anxiety-inducing might have otherwise been is almost enough to make Dan as comfortable as Phil’s physical presence does.

Almost. It’s unreal how much Dan wants to reach through both of his screens to pull Phil closer.

Dan hides his smile in his hand, even though nobody is around to see it, and replies, tbh those are equally lame so you might as well go with the truth

I was on Twitter anyway. I really shouldn’t be, I’m supposed to be responding to emails. Phil keeps typing, then stops, then repeats that process a few times before he finally adds, I should go do that, but you can call or facetime me if you want to keep talking or whatever? It’s easier not to type/text while I’m doing emails lol

And, in a third message, a string of numbers. Phil’s phone number.

Well, that sounds better than using Phil’s videos as background noise. Dan shuts his laptop and gets out of bed to fuss with his hair.

“You’re such an idiot,” he tells his judgemental reflection. It, thankfully, does not respond.

Once he’s gotten his hair into some semblance of order - it’s mostly still straight from yesterday, but it got all sleep-mussed and a bit wavy in the front overnight - Dan tosses on a shirt and video calls the number Phil gave him.

Phil picks up with a big grin and sleepy eyes, and Dan almost hangs up on him to stop the heart palpitations in their tracks. “Hi!”

“Hey, you just wake up?” Dan asks, getting comfortable in the hotel room armchair. It feels weird to lie back down in bed while they’re chatting. Phil is at his desk, phone propped up so he can use both hands to type. His glasses are a little crooked and his shirt is too big on him, exposing his collarbones whenever he leans forward. Unfortunately, he looks like serious wank material right now.

“Yeah, had my first coffee already, though,” says Phil. “You would not like me before my coffee.”

“Barely like you now, mate,” Dan says to try and hide his blush at the idea of seeing Phil first thing in the morning. Phil just laughs. It’s tinny through Dan’s phone speaker, but it still makes Dan feel warm.

“You’re awfully chatty for someone who doesn’t like me,” says Phil.

“I’m only bored, don’t flatter yourself,” says Dan. “My mum’s supposed to call me in a few hours, so I’m just kind of waiting around til then.”

“Oh, yeah, you haven’t had the chance to go home yet, have you?” Phil’s tongue pokes out between his teeth as he concentrates on whatever he’s reading. “My mum would be going out of her gourd. When was the last time you went home?”

Dan doesn’t really like the way that Phil keeps calling it 'home.’ Wokingham hasn’t been home in a very long time.

He doesn’t want to get into that, though, so he just shrugs. “Uh, Christmas?”

“Dan,” Phil says, looking appalled. “It’s August.”

“I don’t live here,” says Dan. “And I’m busy. My family gets it.”

Phil hums, a little disapproving still. Dan has to bite his tongue so he doesn’t say anything scathing, reminding himself that some people actually like their parents.

It’s not that Dan doesn’t love them, because he does, it’s just. Complicated.

“Do you get to see your family often?” Dan asks, desperate to get the attention off of how shit a son he is.

“Not as often as I’d like,” says Phil. He sounds so genuinely sad about it, like he really would like nothing more than to go visit his parents every weekend. “My brother lives in town, so I see him a lot.”

“I didn’t know you had a brother.”

“Yeah, he’s -” Phil cuts himself off, then, and gives Dan an apologetic sort of look through his screen. “You don’t want to hear about my family.”

“I do,” Dan says, and he’s surprised by how much he means it. He shifts in the armchair. It isn’t that comfortable. “Dude, I already know every song on your iTunes, what’s so weird about telling me stuff about your family? They clearly mean a lot to you.”

He has no idea how to interpret the expression on Phil’s face, but whatever it is shifts into a smile as he turns back to his computer. “Okay, his name’s Martyn, he’s older than me, we work together -”

This time, Dan cuts him off. “You do? I haven’t seen him on your channel.”

“He’s not really interested in being on camera. We actually run IRL Merch together, although honestly it’s mostly Martyn.”

Phil explains the business to Dan, who feels himself getting more and more awed by the amount of stuff Phil does on any given day. It isn’t just sitting in front of his camera and then in front of his computer for a handful of hours.

Granted, Dan never thought that being a YouTuber was easy, or everyone would do it, but Phil seems to add things onto his plate that he doesn’t really need to do.

Dan listens for a little while, changing positions in the armchair a few times before he gives up and flops back onto the bed.

“Phil,” he says, holding his phone high above his head and making a face at the angle. It’s fine, really, Phil has barely been glancing at him this whole time. Now that Dan has some kind of idea about the number of people Phil works with, he gets the hours of emails thing. “Do you ever take a break? Hang out with your friends?”

“What friends?” Phil jokes, but Dan senses there’s some truth behind it.

“Okay, first of all,” says Dan, “big mood.”

Phil’s laugh seems like it’s surprised out of him, and his eyes flick to his phone again. They linger on Dan for a long moment before turning away again. Although, to be fair, that may be lag from shitty hotel wifi. “Is it?”

“Yeah, man, like I’ve got any fucking friends. Second of all, you need to take some breaks or you’re going to burn the fuck out.”

“Trust me, I know,” says Phil.

“I know Thor already reminds you to take breaks,” says Dan. “But he can’t force you to. I can.”

“You’re gonna force me to take breaks?” Phil hums, his eyebrows raising. “How exactly are you going to manage that when you’re back in Atlanta?”

“I can be very annoying with nothing but an internet connection,” Dan promises. “You wanna see?”

“No, no, I believe you, and I need to get this done, please don’t.”

They both laugh, quiet, and Dan curls up on his side to just watch Phil work for a little while. Phil runs his fingers through his hair every so often and mouths along to whatever he types. Dan has no idea how one person can simultaneously be the hottest and the most adorable thing ever.

“I have a brother too,” Dan offers.

“Do you?” Phil asks, more surprised than Dan expects him to be. “That’s not on your Wikipedia.”

“He doesn’t like the attention,” says Dan. It’s a half-truth. Most of what he says about his family are half-truths. “But you’re not, like, a stan account or the media or whatever.”

“Technically, I am both,” Phil jokes. “I’ll keep it to myself, though, don’t worry.”

Dan isn’t worried. He trusts Phil not to go blabbing about him on the radio, even with something as small as Adrian’s existence.

It feels a little strange to trust someone so immediately, and part of Dan wants to pull back, put some distance between them, because the combination of trust and a deepening crush can only spell disaster. He’s not going to do that. He’s only got Phil nearby for another two weeks.

After they’ve finished their media circus in London, then Edinburgh, then Dublin, Dan is off to France with Patrick and Jaime. They’re only hitting a handful of international media press, but that’s more than they were asked to do last year. It’s exciting to be expanding this way, to have something to point to and say, 'I did that before I was 30’.

And when they’re done with the press tour, Dan… goes home. Back to Atlanta, where his apartment is being sublet during his summer travelling.

They don’t even know yet if Heatwave will get a fourth season. It’s a bit of an industry joke that Netflix shows rarely make it past the third. Dan doesn’t even want to consider how Atlanta will feel without a steady filming job down the street.

Probably not much like home. Nowhere feels all that much like home, if Dan’s honest.

“Hey, you still with me?”

Dan blinks away the doom and gloom of his uncertain future and refocuses on the conversation he’s supposed to be a part of. Phil is looking at him now, the sort of undivided attention that makes Dan’s cheeks burn.

“Yeah, sorry,” says Dan. “I’m still here. Have you made a dent in those emails?”

Not the most graceful change of subject, but Phil allows it with a small snort. “No, for I am Sisyphus, doomed to answer a dozen emails only for another dozen to arrive.”

“Maybe if you didn’t have, like, three jobs, this wouldn’t be a problem,” Dan points out. “I get maybe two important emails a day. It’s great.”

“Maybe,” says Phil. He’s still just looking at Dan, his chin resting on an open palm.

“What?” Dan asks, feeling a smile tug at his lips.

Phil smiles back, brighter. “Nothing.”

There’s a warmth in his face, visible even through the mediocre FaceTime quality, that makes Dan’s stomach twist all up in knots. He doesn’t know how to handle that at all. “My mum’s calling I gotta go bye,” he says in one breath, hanging up before Phil can even react.

While he waits for his heart to stop pounding, Dan stares at the hotel ceiling and wonders what the fuck is wrong with him.

–

Dan’s mum does call, eventually. He’s been fucking around on Guild Wars and cursing the wifi for god only knows how long, refusing to check his phone so he doesn’t have to be faced with another message - or the lack of one - from Phil. Dan finishes the raid and then calls his mum back.

“Daniel, hi,” she says, sounding frazzled in the way she always seems to.

“Hey, mum.” It feels weird, now that he’s got her on the phone, but he pushes past that discomfort. “I was just calling to let you know that I’m in London.”

The sound of a door slamming comes through before his mum says, “Well, yes, dear. I know that.”

She doesn’t sound upset with him. More than anything, she sounds confused. Like she doesn’t know why he’s even telling her this. Like it hasn’t even occurred to her to nag her son for a visit. Dan has to swallow past a lump in his throat, not sure why he wishes she was angry.

“Oh,” he says. Allows a long moment of quiet to pass, just in case she wants to explain herself. She doesn’t. “Well. Okay. Do you - are you busy weekend after next? I could come see you before we leave for the continent.”

“That’s quite short notice, dear,” his mum says, and Dan experiences a dizzying rush of relief and distress before she continues. “But I’m sure I can make some time for dinner.”

Dan exhales. Dinner. He can do dinner.

“That sounds good,” he says. Another half-truth. “I’ll text you?”

“Yes, yes,” his mum says, already sounding distracted. “Text me and we’ll make a proper plan. Work hard til then, okay? I love you.”

“I love you too. Bye.”

The call ends almost as abruptly as his call with Phil, but Dan is okay with that.

im going to see my fam before i leave england jsyk, Dan texts to Phil. Phil sends him celebratory emojis in response. And maybe dinner with his family will be horrible, maybe it will be great, most likely it will be slightly uncomfortable, but at least he isn’t disappointing Phil on top of everyone else he’s let down.

Immunity Results #3

Meet Your Judges!

DAN

Hi sisters, it’s Dan, king of half faced selfies, here to roast your lip syncs

NEHE

Hi sisters, it's Nehemiah, king of not winning a game he deserves to win, here to judge you guys like you never been judged before, p.s Tim stop stealing my role as the one straight black guy in the org community

CHARLOTTE

hi sisters, i’m back from the dead and ready to roast some bitches. i honestly don’t remember if i’ve played more than one main season but i was in kuang si and really that’s the only one that matters. not sorry!

CONNOR

hey sisters, hope you missed me because im still not coming back.

DENNIS

Hi sisters, I was forced to write this start. But entertain me

JESS

About three things I was absolutely positive. First, Edward was a vampire. Second, there was a part of him-and I didn't know how potent that part might be-that thirsted for my blood. And third, I was unconditionally and irrevocably in love with him.

HOSORORO

Dan: 31/50

Theme: 5 - No real theme tbh, I guess the editing incorporated some nice colors and stuff. I wish y'all could have been more in sync with a theme tho. Maybe I'm just being critical.

Creativity: 5 - The editing was creative, I liked the effects and the added little bits that went along with the lyrics. I think the difference between this video and the others tho was that the others tried something new and exciting to spice up their videos. Was it more creative? Maybe? There's nothing wrong with picking a bop and lip syncing, but it's 2019 ladies, spice it up.

Effort: 7 - She may have bought that hair, but y’all yanked it right off. I think some of you really tried harder than others, but I stan when people just do their best and record where and when they can. It shows dedication and I like that shit. I think that the effort into learning the lyrics without reading them off the screen and dedication to filming in the car kind of showed y'all want this.

Composition: 7 - BITCHHHHH I’M GAGGGGGT. It’s 240p, but honestly Ariana Grande who? Whoever edited this made it seemless, but honestly the low quality needs to get clocked a few points.

Entertainment Value: 7 - The dancing, the outfits, the lip sync skills? A bitch was entertained. While the other videos tried to make things new and exciting, y'all delivered what I think of as more of a successful project.

Jess: 34/50

Theme 8/10. If I had to say the theme, I'd guess that it's "bad bitches" which you all are.

Creativity 5/10. If a 0 is 1 person playing basketball instead of lip syncing at all, and a 10 is a full out choreographed dance number done by your entire tribe, I think this falls solidly in the middle. I don't think there is a lot about this that sets it apart from past music videos I've seen, but I don't think it is bad.

Effort 8/10. It seems like most of your tribe members were at least majorly involved and tried to make this good! And you all put effort into the dancing/attitude you had, it felt like everyone tried to match their actions to the song.

Composition 6/10. I think the editing is good and it matches the timing of the music which is nice, the cuts are usually on the beats! But it did get a little repetitive after a while, like I felt as though the same thing was happening throughout the whole video and there wasn't a variety in the images/cutting style/etc. I also think it was hard to tell if the video was in sync because for some reason y'all are in 2007 and only uploaded this at 240p???? Are you guys all over the age of 45 why did you do that. Finally, the flickering glitter filter was cool at the start, but I wish you'd spiced it up and not just used that throughout the entire video, also at points it was a little distracting due to the bright colours that would pop up.

Entertainment Value 7/10. Six of these points are for the girl who was in the car because she was killing it and I loved her. I took points off for a similar reason I had above -- it felt like the video was one note and I wish you guys had a little more variety throughout.

Dennis: 38/50

Theme: 6/10 Creativity: 8/10 Effort: 8/10 Composition: 8/10 Entertainment: 8/10

I know I will get alot of hate comments for this, but this in general is not really a song to lipsync too. EITHER WAY I think you did a good pretty good job with it. All of you seemed to enjoy yourself and the editing was enough to keep my attention throughout the whole video. I didn't really get the theme, but overall it was a very entertaining Lipsync!

Connor: 35/50

Ok this is good. You clearly all worked together artistically so that your individual shots were coherent. Im not crazy about the pink strobe kinda thing going on through the entire video but you were all performing and this is well done. Theme: 7 Creativity: 6 Effort: 8 Composition: 7 Entertainment Value: 7

Charlotte: 42/50

Theme:  IF THE THEME WAS FABULOUSNESS YOU ACHIEVED IT. ARIANA WOULD BE PROUD.  8/10

Creativity:  I feel like you could have done a little bit more with some of the lyrics but all in all I loved this video and now I'm just being picky. 7/10

Effort:  See above. I think you could have done a little but more but keeping the pink aesthetic through your editing and ALL THAT DANCING werk werk werk.   8/10

Composition:  Love. That. Aesthetic. 10/10  PLUS YOU'RE ALL IN THE SAME CAMERA ORIENTATION I LOVE THAT. LOVE THAT FOR YOU.

Entertainment Value:  FUN, ENJOYABLE, FLAWLESS, NEVER BEEN DONE BEFORE. 9/10

Nehe: 44/50

7 8 9 10 10

Now this is a fucking music video work bitches work

TOTAL: 224

ARAKAKA

Dan: 29/50

Theme: 7 - Annoying advertisements? Trying to show the effects of product placement on our every day life? I loved it haha I was shook.

Creativity: 6 - V creative, but was it really a music video? I guess parts were but I also was like so lost after a while. I think song choice is always important and I was so bored during the song parts. I wish you had made the song part as creative as the ad parts.

Effort: 4 - Honestly the effort was misfocused on the ads and less on the music video, was I mad about it? only like 50%. the song was boring and just kinda blah so it was interesting

Composition: 5 - Choppy, but I can’t edit so rip

Entertainment Value: 7 - Honestly this how to video taught me so much and I’m shook. THE POPCORN I LITERALLY SCREAMED. While I nodded off during the music video portion, I stanned the ads

Jess: 32/50

Theme 6/10. I think your theme was ads? I didn't really understand it but it was fun and unique.

Creativity 8/10. I have never seen anything like this that's for sure.

Effort 4/10. It seemed like everyone in your tribe was in the video I think? But most of the stuff you guys submitted was 1 take/shot and wouldn't have required a lot of editing, which is the most time consuming/effort requiring portion of the challenge so...

Composition 5/10 The editing of the commercials was pretty good, but it didn't flow as well as it should have because the audio levels were a bit all over the place. Also at one point it was in colour and out of focus but I wasn't sure why? Also a+ for doing your video in 1080p (@ other tribes take note). Since the actual music video portion was just one shot, I feel like I can't really give you a higher rating than the other tribes in this category.

Entertainment Value 9/10 First frame: a guy in a Stitch onesie with a bottle of tequila and a mug that says "ray of fucking sunshine"?? I laughed immediately. Then I was shook when later I realized it was actually a shot glass and was close to the camera and it got even better. This whole video was wild and I had no idea what was going to happen so I was pretty entertained.

Dennis: 45/50

Theme: 8/10 Creativity: 10/10 Effort: 8/10 Composition: 9/10 Entertainment: 10/10

This is probably the last kind of video which I expected in a challenge like this. I think it was really creative and connected entertainment with comedy and a nice little theme. I am very impressed good job!

Connor: 20/50

“””””Acting””””””” “””””””Edgy”””””””” Eggs?? Im vegan. What was the point of this? Was there a point? Pop corn girl gets you an extra point but this is not a music video. To quote bandersnatch, you chose the wrong path.

Theme: 3 Creativity: 6 Effort: 4 Composition: 4 Entertainment Value: 3

Charlotte: 34/50

Theme:  I've been out of the ORG world for awhile but is this what music videos are now??? I feel like the music video of your video was sorely lacking. YouTube loves ads but not that many!!!!! I did think the ads were pretty creative though so I marked up points for that below. 6/10

Creativity: See above. 9/10

Effort:  It wasn't just straight up lip syncing so I gotta reward you guys for that. 8/10

Composition: That black and white switching to color towards the end got me fucked up. 6/10

Entertainment Value:  To quote the person sitting beside me: "OMG another ad?"Cute concept, not sure it works as a music video but you tried.  5/10

Nehe: 35/50

6

6

6

7

10

Honestly this was something i never seen before and i enjoyed it hahaha

TOTAL: 195

TAKAMA

Dan: 26/50

Theme: 6 - Cats? Bikes? Awkward White People Dancing? Are these the themes you went for? If so, y’all killed it haha, but it wasn't cohesive and I don't get what y'all were going for really.

Creativity: 5 - honestly, I stan an original song choice bc I haven’t seen this before, but also, a song like this needs to be sold and I don't know if y'all pulled out all the stops. I would have liked to see more passion from some of you in the props and theatrics department.

Effort: 5 - Some of you seemed to try a little harder than others, but overall y’all were feelin it

Composition: 5 - A little choppy, but I can’t edit for shit so like good job?

Entertainment Value: 5 - Okay Miss Tim with that bike balance, idk your name sis (maybe Jones) but striped sweater, pm me on skype – dan.disbrow so I can buy it ty. Other than that I don't really remember much besides a lot of cringey dancing.

Jess: 29/50

Theme 1/10. Tbh I don't really know what the theme was here, did you guys forget this category??

Creativity 4/10. Pretty much the same reason that I gave Hororo's tribe a 5, I'm giving you a 4. I am taking one point off because they at least did some stuff to make their video more unique/specific to their song whereas I think you guys could have used this editing style/dancing/etc to any song and it would have also worked, so it wasn't super unique.

Effort 9/10. Everyone who was in the video seemed really into it and did a good job having fun! But this is a 6 person tribe... one person wasn't in it and they weren't the editor?? You should vote them out if you lose.

Composition 9/10. The editing flowed well, you showed everyone on the tribe a pretty decent amount, and everyone's individual videos were pretty on point for lip sync? Usually when people film on their webcams it's not in sync, but these were all really good! You lose one point because the video quality was low and wasn't 1080p which it really should be.

Entertainment Value 6/10. I liked everyone's attitude and dancing and I loved the cats. I originally had 5 but then I remembered the cats and went back and added another point. But I wish you guys had done something unique for each mini song, like maybe divided them up amongst your tribe, or had people change outfits or something? If you had done that, I'd have given you way more points for theme and entertainment value. But because it was kind of repetitive/one note, it's hard to say I was REALLY entertained the whole time.

Dennis: 37/50

Theme: 9/10 Creativity: 7/10 Effort: 8/10 Composition: 7/10 Entertainment: 6/10

Comment: What stood out for me in your video was the theme. I assume that you wanted to mimic the fans v faves theme with a riff off and I thought that was actually quite smart. Everything else seemed to be for me what I would expect from a lipsync, but besides the theme nothing that stood out to me especially.

Connor: 27/50

The lip sinking is a little off at times (im coming back to this part, in the middle / two ish minute point-on it is not good) and I think the transitions from song to songs could have been smoother, but I think this is creative in terms of it being a mashup. I think there could have been more “music video” aspects to it. In addition to y’all singing. EXTRA POINT FOR THE CATS ( stripped sweater??? who is this??? Queen????)

Theme: 5 Creativity: 6 Effort: 6 Composition: 4 Entertainment Value: 6

Charlotte: 28/50

Theme: Was your theme Pitch Perfect? Like, I'm not sure whether or not there was anything you guys planned out but it really just seemed kind of randomly thrown together.  5/10

Creativity: I liked the cats? 6/10

Effort: See above. I feel like y'all just kind of threw this together? It was missing something for me. The person in the stripes pulled it together for you though so 7/10

Composition: Y'all really out here in 2019 not filming in the same orientation? I'm deducting 50% for that. It's a travesty. Also, if one person does a filter and no one else does, does it really make sense? IDK.  3/10

Entertainment Value: ... again, I liked the cats. Plus the stuff with the bicycle was weirdly entertaining.  7/10

Nehe: 31/50

TOTAL: 178

Thank you judges!

That means, Takama, I will be seeing you that tribal council on January 28 at 10 pm est.

The Raven King, Chapter 6 – The Return Of Sassmaster McSavage

In which the Foxes and the Ravens meet, no one has any kind of chill, everyone has eaten a healthy dose of Extra and Dramatic for breakfast, and no one can keep their mouths shut – but most importantly, in which shit gets so, so fucking real.

Sounds good? Then it’s time for Nicki to read The Raven King.

You guys.

You GUYS.

Remember how you keep telling me I’m not even ready?

Yeah. ABOUT THAT.

I am writing this immediately after just because I could not wait to comment on the absolute FUCKERY that went down just now.

I am writing this immediately after just because I could not wait to comment on the absolute FUCKERY that went down just now.

Fun drinking game: Take a shot every time I swear in this chapter. I have no chill left.

Let’s start at the beginning.

           They pulled onto the interstate with thirteen people on board: the Fox team, the two-man staff, and Aaron’s and Nicky’s dates.

Shame. I would have paid to see Andrew and Renee going as wonderful platonic goalie BFF dates.

It quickly becomes obvious that we’re in for a wild fucking ride when Mighty And Stoic Kevin Day already starts having panic attacks while still on the bus.

           It wasn’t just Riko Kevin was afraid of. In twenty minutes, he’d be facing his entire former team. (…) Neil didn’t know much about [Tetsuji Moriyama]. The one time Kevin mentioned him he’d slipped and called him “the master”. Neil didn’t need to hear anything else after that.

Oh yeah. THAT SHIT.

Seriously what the FUCK is up with that family. This is 24601 shades of fucked up.

Wymack, sensing Kevin’s panic (not that that’s fucking hard at the moment) resorts to some ah – unorthodox methods to keep his striker calm.

           Wymack pulled a bottle of vodka out of the bag and put it down beside Kevin. “You have ten seconds to inhale as much of this as possible. Go.”

           It was alarming how much a man could drink when he needed an emotional crutch.

Kevin doesn’t need an emotional crutch, Kevin needs an emotional wheelchair. An emotional prosthesis. Jeez. I’d be drinking, too, if I had to go meet my lifelong abusers face-to-face at a fucking banquet, having to make polite conversation with the people who broke my hand, my self-esteem and probably my will to live.

Also, I’m starting to consider Wymack not the dad of the team, but more the grumpy uncle –  not huge on emotional sappiness, getting them hard liquor, constantly calling them out on their bullshit, yet loving them all fiercely. #dicksoutforwymack

           Wymack (…) turned to Neil.

           “You,” he said, “attempt to behave this time. Don’t pick fights with him today.”

           “Yes, Coach.”

Meaning: So, so many fights will be picked today.  So many. You are not even ready for all the fight-picking my short-tempered sassy ass is about to do.

With that, the banquet is off!

           Thick cushioned mats covered the polished floor to keep table legs and chairs from scraping up the wood. (…) Neil had never seen so many people on an Exy court before. There was still plenty of room to walk around between the tables, but Neil hated seeing a court repurposed like this.

Oh my gooooooood shut the hell up you obsessed knob. It’s not being used right now, so we might as well use it to fit everyone for the banquet. It’s just a wooden floor, for fuck’s sake.

And now – this is where shits starts getting good.

Did I say Neil was Extra™? Did I complain about Kevin being too dramatic?

Forget all that. Meet the true masters of Extra And Dramatic™ – introducing: The Edgar Allan Ravens.

           The Ravens hadn’t brought dates. They hadn’t brought any colour along, either. All twenty-two of them were dressed head-to-toe in black. The twenty men wore the same shirts and slacks, and the two women wore identical dresses. They even sat the same way, all with their right elbows on the table, all of them with their chins in their hands.

ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS.

Uniform is one thing, but sitting the same way, like ARE YOU ACTUALLY REAL. HOW IS THIS AN ACTUAL THING ACTUAL PEOPLE FUCKING DO.

Of course, some sly fucker in the organization committee had the hilarious idea to sit the two teams directly across from each other. Of fucking course.

Dan, ever the model captain, introduces herself and her team to Riko, as if he didn’t get completely annihilated on national TV by her striker just a few weeks ago.

That Fucker™, however, isn’t having it.

           “I know who you are,” Riko said. “Who here doesn’t? You’re the woman who captains a Class I team. You’ve done admittedly well despite your disadvantages.”

           “What disadvantages?”

           “Do you really want me to start listing them?” Riko asked. “This is only a two-day event, Hennessey.”

OI SCREW YOU YA BIG FUCKNOODLE. I will not have you insult my treasured lionheart daughter like that.

Also, I thought her name was Wilds? The fuck is a Hennessey.

(Side note: I am sorry you guys, this recap is going to be ridiculously long. Every single line here is gold. Blame Nora for writing the sassiest, shadiest, most shocking and just in general best chapter of this series so far.)

It’s time for a new character introduction, one I’ve heard many of you ramble on about on the interwebs – that French dude.

           Neil didn’t recognize the man, but he didn’t need to ask. The black number three tattooed on his left cheekbone meant he could be no one but Jean Moreau.

Lovely. Another one of those dumb ass face tattoo fuckers. I’m filing you as French and pretentious, my dude.

           “You look familiar,” Jean said in heavily accented English.

           “If you watched Kathy’s show you saw me there,” Neil said.

           “Ah, you are right. That must be it. What was your name again? Alex? Stefan? Chris?”

           In eight years on the run Neil had been through sixteen countries and twenty-two names. Hearing one name from Jean wouldn’t mean anything. Hearing three wasn’t a coincidence.

Alright, French and pretentious AND TERRIFYING. COOL.

What the hell??? How??

           “Blame my mother,” Neil said. “She named me.”

           “How is she doing, by the way?” Riko asked.

That Fucker™ knows. He knows.

This was bound to come around at some point. Kevin being too traumatized to recognize Neil was nothing short of amazing, but I guess we can’t always be that lucky.

It was nice knowing you, Neil, because your ass is fucking dead.

           Neil might have answered, but Dan beat him to it with an annoyed “Don’t antagonize my team, Riko. This isn’t the place for it.”

           “I was being polite,” Riko said. “You haven’t seen me antagonistic yet.”

And I don’t think I fucking want to, hombre.

Excuse me for a second while I nerd out over the most unexpected reference of this entire series:

           Neither of them [Kevin and Jean] had anything else to say to each other, but they stared each other down unblinking. Andrew lost interest before long and leaned forward.

           “Jean,” he said. “Hey, Jean. Jean Valjean. Hey. Hey. Hello.”

……………………………. did you just.

JEAN VALJEAN. AS IN, BREAD DAD. AS IN, THE PROTAGONIST OF ONE OF MY FAVOURITE MUSICALS/FILMS/FANDOMS OF ALL TIME.  Like, I’ve done Les Mis cosplay. Several times. That’s how dedicated I am.

I AM #SHOOK.

However, I am decidedly not liking Jean Valjean – or either of That Fucker™’s posse, actually. They first take a few moments to talk shit about Andrew (“publicity stunt”, can you fuck the fuck off) and then they come for my firstborn daughter Renee.

           The woman now on Riko’s right gave a loud snort. “If someone like that replaced you in goal, you must be downright terrible. I can’t wait to watch one of your matches. I think it will be entertaining. We would make a drinking game of it but we don’t want to die of alcohol poisoning.”

           “Yeah, that’s be a shame,” Dan said with heavy sarcasm.

DAN <33333

My darling angel, however, doesn’t take the bait.

           “Do we have to start off so poorly?”

           “Why not? You’re poor at everything else you do,” the woman said. “Is it honestly fun to be so terrible?”

           “I imagine we have more fun than you do, yes,” Renee said.

Correction: My darling angel does take the bait – and brings the fucking shade.

           “Fun is for children,” Jean said, looking away from Andrew.

           If he’d been going to say anything else, he forgot it when he got a good look at Renee.

First of all – “fun is for children”, can you fucking chill, Monsieur Pretentieux Superlatif.

Second of all – what’s that “suddenly stopping talking when he sees Renee” thing about?? Do they have shared history as well? Is he just blinded by her angelic beauty and wants to bone her?

I am absolutely NOT LIKING the latter possibility. Protect my daughter.

The Ravens continue being The Absolute Worst™, talking about how Kevin “belongs” to them (can u fuckin not) and should come to his senses and return to them (as fucking if).

           “You should reconsider our offer before we rescind it for good, Kevin. Face the facts. You pet is and always be dead weight. It’s time to –“

           “What?” Andrew turned a wide-eyed look on Kevin. “You have a pet and never told us? Where do you keep it, Kevin?”

ANDREW LET ME LOVE YOU. I had to laugh so hard at that, oh my god. That’s the only proper way to respond to something like that, tbh.

That Fucker™, however, has found a new target to harass – ya boi Neil, who has kept admirably quiet so far and has probably bitten off his own tongue at this point trying to avoid bursting out in sass rants.

That is, until That Fucker™ comes for his mom.

           “What a coward,” Riko said with exaggerated disappointment. “Just like his mother.”

Cue the moment I stopped breathing.

           “You know, I get it,” Neil said. “Being raised as a superstar must be really, really difficult for you. Always a commodity, never a human being, not a single person in your family thinking you’re worth a damn off the court – yeah, sounds rough. Kevin and I talk about your intricate and endless daddy issues all the time.”

HOLY FUCKING –

           “I know it’s not entirely your fault that you are mentally unbalanced and infected with these delusions of grandeur, and I know you are physically incapable of holding a decent conversation with anyone like every other normal human being can, but I don’t think any of us should have to put up with this much of your bullshit. Pity only gets you so many concessions, and you used yours up about six insults ago. So please, just shut the fuck up and leave us alone.”

I had to take a moment. I had to put the book down and fucking scream for a moment.

SASSMASTER MCSAVAGE STRIKES AGAIN, Y’ALL.

I AM YELLING AND CLAPPING MY HANDS LIKE AN EXCITED SEAL FFS NEIL I L O V E Y O U.

           Neil leaned forward and look down at the table at Dan, who sat with her face buried in her hands.

           “Dan, I said please. I tried to be nice.”

Oh my GOD. That is just the cherry on top of the sundae of EPICNESS that just went down.

I SAID PLEASE.

I cannot handle this. I cannot. Holy shit.

           Jean turned on Kevin and spoke in quick, furious French. “What the hell is this?”

           “His antagonism is a personality flaw we’ve learned to live with,” Kevin said.

Pfftftftftftt. Kevin is entirely done with this situation and I love it.

However, fun times are immediately the fuck over, as Jean Valjean hints at someone having “bought” Neil and assumes Kevin had recruited him because of that.

And just as I was beginning to wonder hat hell he is talking about – he drops this.

           “Riko will have a few moments of your time later,” Jean said. “I suggest you speak with him if you do not want everyone to know you are the Butcher’s son.”

WHAT.

WHAT.

OH SHIT T H E Y K N O W I FUCKING SAID IT OH SHIT WHAT.

Kevin, who has skillfully repressed his memories of Neil up until this point, is about as shocked by this development as I am and has to go have some emergency vodka, like, asap.

Neil, on the other hand, shows some wonderful, wonderful signs of character development.

           “Neil, if you can’t be here say so,” Wymack said. “Abby can take you elsewhere until it’s time to leave. Get out of here and get some fresh air.”

           It was the perfect opening, but Neil couldn’t take it. If he did, he really would go, and he wouldn’t come back. Running wasn’t easy, but it was easier than trusting Andrew. But Neil remembered the weight of a key in his palm, its metal soaked through with another person’s body heat. He remembered Andrew’s promise to see this year through with him.

           “No,” Neil said, finally finding his voice. “I knew this was going to happen. I just wasn’t ready for it. I’m fine.”

Ma BOY <3 Neil slowly learning to trust people and deal with his problems is my No 1 kink.

Actually, No 2 kink. No 1 would be Neil absolutely shade-wrecking people.

They leave their mess of a seating arrangement and find some new spots elsewhere, and later go mingling with the other teams. This goes surprisingly well, mostly due to the fact that it gives Neil and Kevin an excuse to talk about Exy and Exy alone – which is, as we all know, the only fucking thing those two morons can talk about.

However, those admirable avoiding tactics only go well for so long.

           It took him a few seconds to realize the Ravens were coming. The entire team was crossing the court toward Kevin, walking in V formation like a flock of birds going south.

Are you serious. What level of dramatic holy SHIT.

Did they, like, form this like a dance formation before walking over? Riko instructing everyone where to stand, ‘no, you over there, leave equal amounts of space, come on guys, just form a diagonal line, we need to get going, we need to look intimidating, gUYS’

Or do they do this so often that is has become second nature by now and it’s just how they go everywhere?

I genuinely don’t know which option I find funnier.

But wait – it gets better.

           Riko stopped further away than Neil thought he would, but Neil understood a moment later. The rest of the Ravens kept going, flipping their V until they’d trapped the three Foxes between them.

I am crying so much how is this a thing you do, literally what level of Extra and Dramatic™ are you ON, I cannot deal with this.

Please – next time I comment on how extra the Foxes are being, remind me of The V Incident.

Now, just as I was thinking ‘oh shit, this is going to go south again so quickly’… Foxes to the rescue!

           Renee appeared out of nowhere at Kevin’s other side. She looped one arm through Kevin’s and held her free hand out to Jean. “Jean, wasn’t it? My name is Renee Walker. We didn’t really get a chance to talk earlier.”

           Confusion eased Jean’s stoic mask into something more than a little uncomfortable, be he accepted her handshake. “Jean Moreau.”

For real, I’m so interested in what the fuck is going on with these two. My money is on shared history. This could be my Renee’s-backstory-hungry brain talking, but reading their passages this sounds v v likely.

Did someone say backstory??

           [Matt] held out his hand but didn’t look surprised when no one took it. “Guess the pleasure’s all mine.”

           “We’re sure it is,” the Raven striker said, “seeing how you’re dating a prostitute.”

           “Stripper,” Dan corrected as she showed up and wound an arm around Matt’s waist. (…) “Hopefully you’re smart enough to distinguish between the two professions. If you’re not, I have serious concerns about your academic standings.”

FUCK, YEAH.

DAN, MY GIRL MY DUDE MY DAUGHTER.

She was a stripper! Holy shit! And she’s not ashamed of it, but admits it freely and is even proud of it! Holy! Shit!

Positive depictions of sex workers in pop culture is so, so rare, and I’m so happy we get some here. I did not expect this and I’m v pleasantly surprised right now.

           “Hennessey, right?” one of the strikers said. “Such a good name for such a fierce spirit.”

           “We were a little disappointed that you didn’t sign up as part of the entertainment tonight,” one of the others said. “We were looking forward to the show.” (…)

           The striker grinned at Matt over [Dan’s] shoulder, then tilted forward and sucked a deep breath against her neck.

           Dan brought her stilettos between his legs inn a vicious punch.

I repeat myself: FUCK. YEAH.

Also, that’s what a Hennessey is. Noted.

Fun backstory done – That Fucker, Senior™ has arrived. Tetsuji Moriyama is about everything I don’t want near my Foxes, combined into one slimy sack of asshole. The whole “master” thing still both scares and infuriates me.

However, we don’t have to spend long enjoying his absolutely unenjoyable company as Neil is called off to have a little tête-à-tête with That Fucker, Junior™.

           “Nathaniel, it has been so long.”

NATHANIEL???????

Did we just discover Neil’s true name, holy shit?????

Nathaniel is a beautiful name, though. I’ve always liked it. Shame.

Apparently, the way That Fucker™ could find Neil so quickly was by getting a glass with Neil’s fingerprints on it from Kathy Ferdinand. Well, fuck.

           Riko started across the room on slow steps. “Jean says Kevin did not know who you are. After seeing Kevin’s reaction, I’m inclined to believe him. (…) But you must know who you are, so I am very, very curious to know what you think you are doing.”

Bitch, aren’t we all! Aren’t we fucking all!!

And now- we’ve reached the point where shit gets so, so painfully real.

Did I say earlier I stopped breathing when Neil was dragging Riko?

Fuck that. That was nothing compared to what followed next.

I was not remotely ready.

           “You have already cost my family a sizeable fortune and eight years of trouble.”

           “How?” Neil asked. “The money I took was my father’s.” (…)

           “Nothing your father owned was his!” Riko snapped.

What.

           Riko grabbed Neil by the shoulders and slammed him into the wall. Neil’s head hit hard enough to rattle teeth.

           “I refuse to believe she never told you. All this time running and you never asked why?”

What.

           “You were not running from your father, Nathaniel. You were running from his master.”

WHAT.

WHAT IN THE FUCKING WHAT????

           What Riko was suggesting was impossible. The Butcher was one of the biggest names on the eastern seaboard. He made Baltimore his home, but his territory extended from D.C. to outer Newark. He had a fiercely loyal syndicate and a penchant for grotesque executions. (…)

           If the Moriyamas really were powerful enough to keep a man like the butcher under lock and key Neil was so far in over his head he might as well be six feet under.

That is amazingly worded, well done. Also, I’m kinda peeing my pants here.

If I’ve looked this up correctly, that’s a territory about twice the size of New York City.

Like. Imagine controlling New York City. And then that – TWICE.

And THEN imagine controlling the guy who controls all of that, and then some more.

Yeah. You dead, bro.

           “Learn your place. I will never tolerate this level of disrespect from you again. Do you understand?”

           Neil was already in his coffin. He might as well nail it shut. “Yeah, I understand you’re a complete asshole.”

Riko: Neil, no.

The Foxes: Neil, no.

Common sense: Neil, no.

Me: NEIL, FUCK NO.

Neil: Neil, yes.

Thankfully, Matt arrives in order to save Neil from digging his sass-induced grave even deeper, and after some nice threats about ratting his shitty ass behaviour out to the ERC, Riko finally fucks off.

           “I don’t think Riko likes me very much. Should I be disappointed?”

Are you fucking serious bruh. Are you serious.

           Matt looked skyward as if searching for patience.

Which is, incidentally, the No 1 reaction people have to Neil speaking more than a few polite sentences at a time.

Never talk to me or my short-tempered sassmaster idiot son ever again.

And with that trainwreck of an encounter, the Foxes take their curt leave from the banquet. Some more comments are made – Neil and Kevin will have A Talk™ tomorrow, Andrew got called Doe earlier by Jean Valjean  because that was his preliminary surname when he entered the foster system (which probably means the Ravens also know more about Andrew than we should be comfortable with) – but all of that pales in comparison to the absolute FUCKERY we just witnessed.

Holy shit.

I have to go, like, breathe into a bag for five hours.

See you Wednesday.

If you like what I do here and you want to help me continue writing, please consider buying me a coffee! Thank you so much <3

okay it’s midnight and I should get writing because I can’t sleep in all day tomorrow which would afford me the ability to stay up later (that sentence was horribly phrased but I’m too lazy to fix it so oh well). today was pretty great! some stuff not ideal but overall still pretty good. I woke up to my alarm at 9 and got dressed and got prepared for our first quest of the day, which was trying to get yet another pair of concert tickets for a KPop band Jess wants to see. This was one she cares slightly less about so we weren’t under quite as much pressure to get the good seats, we were just aiming for the cheap ones. So I put our usual breakfast order in on ubereats and it arrived shortly after she did at around 9:30, the tickets went on sale at 10. Since we’ve had not great experiences trying to get tickets up to this point we wanted to try to maximize our chances of getting them by using multiple accounts (which is probably cheating but tbh idgaf I’m sure the ticket scalpers are doing much worse with many more tickets) so I had my main one up in my main browser and then the one attached to my old email up in another one (it was funny, I logged onto it and it was under the name “Ann”- my mom’s name- and the credit cards stored on it expired in like, 2012 😂) and then Jess had hers up on the chromebook. Unlike the other ones thus far this one wasn’t doing the thing where they had a virtual queue form 10 minutes beforehand, so it was just whenever they decided to let you in. The lack of a virtual queue was objectively a good thing because it meant there weren’t as many people trying to get tickets, but it also meant it was just totally random with everyone who was there at that minute. But thankfully we got in after not too long and Jess was able to snag two tickets before anyone else clicked on them (because it does this really annoying thing where the page with refresh with the available tickets and you’ll click two but when you try to go forward it says somebody else already got them and then refreshes your page and it’s a pain in the ass) and after some slight panic over getting the right credit card the tickets were ours for the least amount of money, so we were pleased with that result. May is gonna be crazy, as it stands we have at least 2 concerts (well 3 for Jess being that she’s going to BTS twice) in the same week and are very likely going to end up with another when the Monsta X tickets go on sale on Friday (and of course for them we’re trying for Chicago and New York, so it might involve a NY trip as well). so that’s gonna be a lot, but nothing we’re not used to haha at this point I think we thrive in chaos. So once we had that taken care of we grabbed our things and headed out to Jess’ car. In case I forgot to mention this up to this point we were cosplaying as Ariel and Snow White in their pajama outfits from Wreck It Ralph 2 which is 100% a lazy cosplay but I really give zero fucks because it was comfy and easy. So we drove down to the convention center, this isn’t in the one that most of the Chicago cons are in out by the airport (northwest of downtown in the top corner of the city) but rather C2E2 is in the convention center that’s adjacent to the loop that happened to be the place that they used for my law school graduation and bar swearing in, so I’ve had some very different experiences in this building, lol. I did my make up in the car and was fairly pleased with how it turned out. Once we got there there was some confusion about parking, we were originally planning on parking in one of their lots that’s right connected to the place so we didn’t have to walk in the cold (we were leaving our jackets in the car so we didn’t have to carry them all day; I was in shorts but was wearing my extra thick ice skating tights underneath them so it wasn’t terrible) but that didn’t end up happening so we had to walk in the cold a little bit but we managed. Later in the day Jess mentioned that apparently all of their parking had filled up and there were people with tickets who couldn’t get in because they didn’t have anywhere to park, so the con probably oversold their tickets in that sense. So we got in fairly easily, it was already opened at this point since we were doing the tickets that delayed our arrival a bit. So we start walking the show floor a bit and then decide we should check out artist’s alley first, but try not to buy anything on our first walk through, just consider stuff. the issue of course is that artist’s alley is generally full of great art, but I have literally no room on my wall for anything haha and I still have to hang up my 3 photo ops from London (though they are only 6x9′s instead of the standard 8x10′s so hopefully that will make it easier) and my Matt Ryan one from Cleveland. so I could really only consider very small things, lol. but there was a lot of cool stuff, always a pretty great assortment of different art styles and subject matters. I spotted a few things I may come back and get tomorrow, we will see. I really wanted to see if they had any art from The Cursed Child but I didn’t see anything, besides one drawing that I’m pretty sure was supposed to be Draco but could conceivably be Scorpius from the way he was drawn (but he was with drawings of the original trio so probably not). still a cool drawing though. so that took a while, though definitely less time than it did last year. So after that we went in search of anybody we might know that was there but didn’t see anybody, so we started wandering the show floor. Now, in terms of not needing to buy anything, this was even worse because the solid majority of it is clothing, and we both already own way too much clothing, especially comics related lol. so we made our way through most of everything, some cool stuff, not managed to refrain from buying anything up till that point. We had checked the schedule for panels at one of the smaller stages (their main stage panels are super crowded and there wasn’t anyone we cared that much about) and Colin Donnell (aka Tommy from Arrow) was doing one at 1:30 and it was like 12:50 at this point, so we went over to the little row of food vendors they had and managed to get some decent food for lunch that we sat and ate before returning to the panel stage and managing to find seats right before it started. It was pretty entertaining, he is very pretty in person, though that’s probably not a shock to many. He talked about Arrow of course but also about Chicago Med being that that’s his current show and it is after all filmed and set in Chicago. He also talked about his background doing Broadway which I wasn’t aware of so that was cool to hear about. one of the questions they asked him was like “if you’re on jeopardy, what category would you want the final jeopardy question to be from?” and I was like “musical theatre trivia” (answering somewhat for myself but also for him) and right after I said that he was like “broadway trivia” haha so I felt validated, that is definitely what I would choose given that question. So that lasted about half an hour and was pretty fun. After that we went back to wander the rest of the show floor that we hadn’t made it to yet, most notably a few KPop/Anime/etc. themed booths that were wild, Jess ended up getting into a conversation with these like high school girls about going to BTS and they were like, unironically fans of them when Jess is only a very ironic fan, and they were like “oh who do you stan??” and then the girl said she stans the one guy Jess hates and I busted up laughing at all of it, I couldn’t stop myself, it was truly hilarious. they were talking about the concert and what nights they were going and the girls were like “oh yeah Sunday’s gonna be tough you know because it’s a school night!” and I just fucking died because they’re clearly like 15. So that was very amusing. Jess ended up convincing me I needed one of the hats they sold at that booth, they were the snapback style with the big plastic letters attached across the top which said “THICC” in pink and I got it for the pure reason to wear to ClexaCon next month and it’s gonna be great, I of course put it on as soon as I bought it too. We then went upstairs to where they host the main stage panels just to check it out, there were a lot of people in very long lines, and I was glad I wasn’t in one of them. So we hung out up there for a while just to chill out a bit. We ended up heading back downstairs to see if we could locate an internet friend who’s working the con but we weren’t able to find her today (probably will see her tomorrow) and ended up finally seeing some people we knew, so we sat with them for a while until they ended up heading out, and after that we did a little more wandering before deciding to call it a day, it was a little earlier than we’d normally leave but Jess was feeling kinda crappy and there wasn’t really anything else we were dying to do so it made sense to just go home. Drove back and got dropped off, I changed into comfortable clothing and didn’t really have anything I needed to take care of so I ended up sitting on the couch and watching the last four episodes of season 5 of The Americans, stopping somewhere in there to make two eggs for dinner (which was a bad plan, I go through weird phases with food and I had convinced myself that I was fine eating eggs but I really wasn’t), and then before the last episode to shower before returning to finish it. This season happened to have a fairly brutal finale, in my opinion at least- trigger warning here for self-harm/suicide. So the plot was basically that they had befriended this family that had just defected from the Soviet Union and for some mildly important reason they wanted at least the wife and their son to go back, so one of the methods they employ is using their fake spy son (not their actual child) who had originally befriended him make things at school really bad for their son to the point where he would be so miserable that his mother would want to return to Russia with him. Well, it didn’t look like it was working, and their fake son ended up advising his friend to “slit his wrists” in order to get his parents attention enough for them to take him back, and the spy apparently “showed him” how to do it without hitting an artery, and the spy is calmly recounting this to his fake parents, saying he was going to do it at 7 pm that night, right when his parents were supposed to get home. Of course their majorly alarmed but were split on what to do because they didn’t want to compromise the mission, but the dad ends up storming out of their fake home and walking to their friend’s home and are trying to get in when his parents arrive, and so they get into the house and sent the spy son up to the other son’s room, and a second later you hear him yelling for help, so they storm upstairs to find the boy unconscious on his bed with blood all over his arms and bed. And I mean, I knew going into this episode I would probably see this (they left the previous episode at a cliffhanger about them intervening) but I really was not prepared for that image. And then of course his parents start freaking out and his mother is just next to him sobbing while everyone is scrambling to call 911 and try to bind his wounds the best they can until the paramedics get there and like.....the whole thing just made me so mad. To be fair, the main characters were very alarmed that this was used as a tactic and think their fake kid way overstepped in doing telling him to do this, but the whole idea of basically risking sacrificing the life of a child for a part of your mission that was not even very critically important meanwhile you go home to your own children.....like how as a parent could you ever live with yourself?? And I mean, I know these are spies that regularly just shoot people, some innocent some not, but like, interfering in this boy’s life to make him absolutely miserable and it culminating in something as horrible as this really just pissed me tf off. and I mean that’s for obvious reasons, this is an intersection of two issues I care deeply about, mental health advocacy and the wellbeing of children. So that whole storyline left me pretty angry. And I mean I know, it’s fiction, this didn’t actually happen, but just to see the callousness to the life of a child portrayed like that was really disturbing to witness. But I finished the episode and then turned the tv off for the night and started getting ready for bed, and shortly after I started writing this and now I am here. It’s almost 1 am and I have an 8:30 alarm set, so I think it is time for me to go to bed. Goodnight babes. Hope you’re enjoying your weekend.

Top 10 Favourite KPop Releases Jan - July 2017 Part 2

Now here’s my top 5 favourite KPop releases of January to July 2017. For No. 10 to no. 6, go here! 

Just a quick heads up, everything here is my own opinion, and is by no means factual. 

Well then, let’s go to the top 5!

5. Movie - BTOB

I think what I particularly enjoyed about this was how the individuality and role of each member of BTOB really stood out in this MV. They all took on roles suitable to their own personalities and characters, and the line distribution was also pretty good! I felt like everyone really shone in their own ways be it in their vocals, their quirkiness, their swag, their visuals, their acting skills etc. The song itself is a very old-school sound. It was as though you were sitting down and watching a marathon of old classic movies. Vocally, the boys always deliver too. The song itself is pretty different and unique from other recent popular KPop music offered by other boy groups, so it was nice change of pace and style. One of the members, Ilhoon, was the one in charge of being the one who composed the song, and it was a job well done indeed! I do think the song’s hook was a little weak though. But as always, they boys really made up for it with their strong and solid vocals and rap! That made the song really pleasant and entertaining even just to listen to!

4. Not Today - BTS

First of all, let’s talk about this music video’s cinematography. Love or hate BTS, the effects here are incredible, and this was just really filmed sooo well. Concept-wise I don’t think it was that original, but the boys and their slick dance moves and dance crew could make anyone gape in awe.  While I think out of all the BTS songs, this song does have the most punch and impact to it, if it wasn’t accompanied by the music video and dance choreography, I don’t think the song would have been as powerful. As a standalone, I do enjoy the song and think that is good. But I also think it does get slightly repetitive. While it has everything to be a catchy KPop hit, I wouldn’t really call the composition and arrangement anything out of the ordinary if that makes sense. Lyrics were decent though, and the message was good. The song fulfilled its purpose to be a song that would be a hit with audiences, but I actually find its visual aspects like the stunning MV and the dance choreography to be more striking and memorable than the song itself alone. That’s why this release just fell short of my top 3.

3. Yesterday - Block B

Top 3 was honestly a tough call for me. This music video was meant to have a comical feel to match the comical mood of the song, and it really delivered in that! But what I loved most about this release was the song itself. From the first second of this song until the end, I found myself completely hooked to this song. While songs like Movie and Not Today were really good enjoyable songs, when it comes to the hook, both wane completely to this song. The fun, upbeat tone of this bubblegum pop song could really make anyone smile. It’s such a feel-good song!! What a jam!!! Too bad, this song was really only released digitally, so it didn’t get as much media attention. Also, it wasn’t Block B’s leader, Zico, who composed this song. He did help out with it I think but the one who was the song’s composer this time Park Kyung, the guy who starts the song. And really hats off to him because it’s been a while since I’ve got a song stuck in my head like that after only 20 seconds into it haha.

2. GOOD NIGHT - Dreamcatcher

Dreamcatcher are actually fairly new to me, but the moment I listened to this song, I knew it was going to be one of my top jams. I thought this was very unique of them because while you can hear songs like this in Japan for anisongs, they are a lot rarer in Korea. I love the rock, badass style of the song and the intriguing MV to go with it! They also had another song before this called Chase Me, but I thought Good Night had a stronger hook, and it also came off more dramatically imo.  I love their gap too. Visually, they look like they could be a typical Korean girl group, but they are a lot more badass than that. It’s just everything about this works to accentuate the song itself from the song’s melody, arrangement, MV colour scheme, the girls’ expressions, and even just the way the instruments were utilised to create such a masterpiece. Tbh I actually think it’s even better than some of the anisongs out there. The production level of the song is just amazing. A dark, catchy song with powerful vocals and a kickass dance. Totally my kind of jam!

1. ANTI - ZICO feat. G. Soul

Hahah one creepy MV after another. But this time we have ZICO from Block B with a solo piece. Even this MV started kinda eerily like the Dreamcatcher MV lol. Ok real talk though, I just discovered this song recently, and I was mindblown. I don’t usually spazz and make a lot of noise about KPop lyrics because I never really find them that impressive, but once in a while, ZICO writes something and my jaw literally DROPS.

You can check out the lyrics to ANTI here: https://colorcodedlyrics.com/2017/07/zico-anti-feat-g-soul

Just looking at the lyrics, I was amazed at how real and raw the lyrics were. Everything he depicted and wrote in the song I’ve actually seen “fans/antis” like that...and it’s true how there are times fans to a certain extent as the customers treat artists/idols like “products” they expect to satisfy their needs and expectations rather than human beings. Even if they are trying their best to please their audience, these “fans” will always find something negative to bring the artist/idol down. It’s sad but it’s true. 

Some people may think of ZICO lyrics as just an angry rant to the world which I guess in some ways it is. But I also think it’s a really realistic portrayal of what they as celebrities in the showbiz have to go through, and how they sometimes have to suck it up if they want to survive. It’s so profound and something I feel myself being able to really connect to.

As for the song itself, the moment it starts with G. Soul’s vocals, my eyes widened. This is my first time listening to him, but his voice sounds so good in this; it’s like a perfect fit?! Then ZICO came up with his rap, and I’m not that knowledgeable about rap, but his sense of rhythm always is such a pleasure to listen to. Both this song’s melody and rhythm is just so dramatic and addictive - this was just such an amazing collab. I saw some people comment this, but the feel does really remind me of something Eminem. 

The music video itself was so really interesting to watch and I really liked all the symbolisms that seemed to be going on in the MV. It was 4 minutes long but the song really went by way too fast for me. I don’t know whether there’s gonna be anything later in this year that’s going to be capable of topping this, but it’s gonna be very hard since this song really ticked all the boxes for me. ZICO really outdid himself this time!

Can you please write that louis interviews harry fic that you are interested in? Pleeeeaaassseeee.. No rush though😊

Hummmm maybe?? I feel like that would be v fun. Maybe some Dunkirk AU type thing, where Harry is the same, but Louis is an entertainment journalist who only interviews people from the film industry so he’s never met pop star Harry Styles and he doesn’t expect much, doesn’t understand why everyone (including most of his siblings) are o b s e s s e d  with the man… until he gets the chance to interview him for his film debut and ofc Harry Flirty McCharming Styles strikes and Louis Charisma Itself Tomlinson responds to it and s p a r k s fly while H’s costar sits there awkwardly thinking do y’all need a room or what???? 

But maybe it turns angsty because Louis is charmed as HELL but also giving his phone number to someone he has interviewed would be hella unprofessional so he doesn’t do anything except suffer silently as he’s led away from what he’s pretty sure is real life prince charming (those e y e s and shoulders and the banter and wit????!!!)… and ofc press junkets happen so fast that Harry doesn’t really have the time to think too much about it beyond holy shit this guy was so attractive and he didn’t ask any stupid condescending questions?? 

So now they both have a crush and most likely no reason to ever see each other again.

Louis falls into a very embarrassing youtube/tumblr pit of despair where he googles EVERYTHING he can about Harry (and even buys his brand new solo album) and suffers because he’s so good? and handsome? and funny?

Harry does exactly the same, watching every single one of Louis’ interviews and marveling at how good Louis is with celebrities and how he never seems impressed or awkward, how he just treats them like people and asks insightful questions about movies and acting and stuff. He becomes obsessed with the way he nods intently when his guests are speaking, or the way his eyes crinkle when a guest makes him laugh. 

So they’re both obsessed and at an impasse. 

And maybe Harry releases a second single or a music video or tickets for a tour or SOMETHING a few weeks/months after the film and Louis begs his coworker that does the music stuff for their channel or newspaper or radio station for a trade so he can be the one doing Harry’s interview. I’m talking major groveling!!! Until the coworker says yes. 

And Harry knows that Louis doesn’t do music stuff, he’s literally watched everything that’s public about Louis (including stalking his twitter but he thought it’d be weird to follow him) so he’s really shocked when he sees him for the interview. Mentally he’s going ????????? but also !!!!!!!!!!! thinking maybe this is his opportunity??

And Louis feels a bit shy and nervous, but ofc it all flows really well and they have the same chemistry as before and it’s thrilling and kind of magic so he figures he should probably say something and ask Harry out even though it will probably result in thorough humiliation for him. And it’s still unprofessional af, but he stole his colleague’s interview at this point so … in for a penny….. 

Except he doesn’t really have the time to ask him out because the minute the interview is over, Harry is all smiles going: I thought you never did music stuff? and Louis is kinda shocked because tbh he didn’t think Harry remembered him?? So he’s all blushy and goes: I guess you’re the exception? and Harry just grins, cocky and confident (you know the one) and goes: lucky me!!

And Louis swears he was about to ask him out, he was gonna do it, but then Harry gets dragged away by his manager and what is he supposed to do?? hold him back to be thoroughly unprofessional??

And on his side, Harry is pissed at Jeff because he was two seconds away from inviting Louis for a drink and he ruined everything so he pouts and mumbles all through the car ride to his hotel or his next interview or the studio or wherever else he’s supposed to go to because Jeff is the worst and keeps cockblocking him. But when they arrive, Jeff shakes his phone in Harry’s face and says: I followed him and tweeted him from your account to thank him for the interview, hopefully, he’ll follow you back and you can be pathetically enamored in his DMs.

And ofc Louis follows him back and they start hardcore flirting on twitter and then by text, but their schedule keeps not fitting and they’re never in the same city at the same time so they just keep getting to know each other surprisingly deeply for months until they’ve become very good friends. So that when they have their first date months later, it kinda feels like they’ve been dating all along….

Or something lol.