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#taylor swift getting whacked what a happy day
dykeandballs · 2 months
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syndxlla · 9 months
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best friends don’t look at each other the way we do
A low stakes, high reward and self-indulgent Zelink fan fiction. Canon-compliant. Takes place between BOTW and TOTK
Chapter Five: My North Star
Read chapter four here
My masterlist
Song: August by Taylor Swift
Summary: Link and Zelda get a visitor from an old friend, and start to remember how to live for the hope of it all.
Warnings: brief and non graphic mentions of death and dead bodies, canon-typical violence and horror, PTSD (always for this fan fic)
Word Count: 3.3k words
Authors Note: finally some happy moments lol. Also this is unedited!! ALSO I KNOW I HAVE SO MANY UNANSWERED ASKS RN I PROMISE I AM NOT IGNORING YOU IM JUST BUSY AND LAZY kloveyoubye
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It takes only three more days for Impa to arrive at their door, angrily pounding her staff on the wooden plank. It’s early, she beats the rooster, and Link is rubbing sleep out of his eyes as he stumbles to the door from his makeshift bed he’s made adjacent to the kitchen.
He’s shocked to see the old woman staring up at him, as far as he knows, she hasn’t left Kakariko village in decades.
“You completed the mission and your first instinct was NOT to come and tell me?” She asks, her wrinkled lips pressed firmly into a frown. Link looks up to see Cado, apologetic. His hair is down, shirt is off, and he’s barely wearing trousers. He yawns.
“Good morning, Master Impa.” He bows deeply to her and she just whacks his skull with her cane in the same manner she did the door. Link yelps and rubs the top of his head. “What was that for?” He asks.
“Where’s the princess?”
“She’s sleeping still, it’s barely sunrise.” Link rubs some more sleep from his lashes, his hand in a tight fist. “You know, most people say good morning when you see them first thing…”
Impa then lets herself into the house, pushing past him like the angry ball of spunk she is. “I’ll have tea.” She states, “And I’d like to see my friend.” Link and Cado look at each other, the Sheikah man staring at him apologetically.
Link nods, walking to the furnace and kneeling in front of it. He blows on the dying embers from the night before, placing a small log on them. Flames catch, and he’s setting the kettle over them, still full of water from yesterday. Cado closes the door and sits across from Impa at the table. Link eyes his bed roll in the corner of the room, kicking some blankets around in an attempt to make it look less disheveled, but the elderly woman just squints at the state of the house. If only she had seen it a week ago. Link was starting to feel proud of he and Zelda’s progress, wildflowers being placed in a vase on the table, and their plates polished and put away neatly for the first time. After Impa’s scrutinizing gaze, however, he was feeling all sorts of insecure again.
The air is stagnant.
“She's still sleeping…still.” Link clears his throat, his voice hushed. “She needs to rest because-“
“Link, two bodies were found just outside of the castle two days ago, the man who found them also reports seeing a Shadowy Figure, covered in what he suspects is malice.” Impa interrupts him.
“What?” He asks, startled.
“I didn’t want to lead with that, but it cannot be ignored.” She spoke in the same hushed tone. They didn’t want to wake the Princess, and they especially didn’t want to scare her.
“Treasure hunters? I mean it's still a war zone there, it wasn’t anything else… right? He was lying, surely. All the Malice disappeared…” Link asks, feeling the blood go from his face.
“The man was Me.” Cado frowns. He would never lie. “After we got your message from Purah, I traveled to the castle to confirm that the Calamity was destroyed. The bodies were hylian, two young people. A boy and a girl… I thought it was..”
Cado’s voice became too loud, and Link hushed him.
“We want to think it was leftover spells, but we don’t know. We don’t know who else to ask to investigate.” Impa says.
“Now that Hyrule is safe, it's time we start reestablishing civility, democracy.” Cado steps in.
“It’s been eleven days since I defeated him.” Link crosses his arms, “I’m still not sleeping through the nights, Zelda doesn’t have her full strength back yet. You promised me I would get to rest when it was all over.” He looks at the Sheikah Chief.
“Don’t lie to me, Link.” Impa shakes her head, “I know you can’t stay in one place for too long. No matter how hard you try.” She states. She wasn’t wrong, but recently Link has started to feel different.
The kettle starts to whistle. Link swallows his frustration and takes it off the heat, preparing three cups of green bell tea. Everyone feels discomfort. “Did the figure do anything?” Link asks as he pours the hot water into the cups, his back turned to the Sheikah.
“It just stared at me, it was tall, hunched over.” Cado describes, one could easily hear the fear in his voice. “We stared at each other, I couldn’t tell if it was from this world or not.”
“Tall like a Zora or tall like a Gerudo?” Link asks, still turned away.
“Gerudo.” Cado struggled to say it. “I drew my sword, and as soon as I did, it turned away from me and walked into the mist to the south. I never saw it again.”
Link swallows and then turns around finally, carrying the cups to the table. “And the bodies?”
“Cause of death was unknown, I checked for a pulse multiple times but they were both long gone. They were dressed in traveler's garb. Their dress seemed to be from the north.”
“If they have families they need to know.” Link sits, holding the mug of tea in his hands.
“You’re the only one who could inform them about such a thing.” Impa says. “Tabantha is a long way, but you could be there and back in an hour if you warp. We’ll stay here until you-“
“The sheikah slate is utterly destroyed.” Link admits. “I left it with Purah but she essentially told me it's beyond repair.”
“You’d have to go on foot like the rest of us.” Cado smirks.
“Why would I?” Link asks, perhaps too forcefully. “I did my quest.”
Impa stares at him, silent for a moment, “You don’t really feel that way.” She shakes her head, “And if you do, then you are not the same man who woke up three years ago.”
“I’m not!” Link almost shouts, and they all bite their tongues, listening for any sound from upstairs. “Impa… you know I care. You know I want to go find whatever that figure was, but I am tired.” His voice cracks. “I can’t just sleep this one off.” He can’t look at her, if he does, he’ll break. “This is much deeper than exhaustion. It’s… it’s traumatic.
I still see him. His eyes, the way His heat radiated and burned my skin, the sound of His laughter. He Haunts me at night, I swear He finds ways into my dreams and taunts me there. Like it was all just a game to Him. Because it was. It always was. He’ll do it again a hundred times, and we can’t ever stop Him. There will be countless more Links who lose their hearing and can’t sleep and won't even look themselves in a mirror because as long as the triforce exists, He will mock us all with His deviance.”
Link stares into his tea.
“Impa…” A quiet voice says from the stairs, and all three of them are turning to see her. Long, blonde hair draped over her shoulder, eyes sleepy and confused, hands at her sides.
She nearly trips down the stairs as she runs to the woman, wrapping her hands around her neck and crying. Impa immediately holds her back, laughing, taking an old, bony hand and stroking the top of her friend's head with it.
“Good Morning, my dear.”
Link and Cado share one more glance.
The day is spent with hugs and laughter and Zelda looking into Impa’s eyes and crying every time she sees that they’re still the same eyes. Link cooks for them, and gets as quiet as he was at the start of this war. It’s all he can think about. Did it return for other Links? Did it return this early?
Zelda must have noticed his distance because while Impa is telling Zelda all about the man she married, the Princess is glancing at Link. His shoulders tense, his head down, his voice silent. She frowns, deciding to ask him about it later.
Cado was delighted to meet the woman, bowing deeply for her. He eventually got on a tangent about his children while they ate the omelets Link prepared, but Link stayed silent. He glances over at the Master Sword, leaning against the corner of the room, staring back at him.
He distracts himself the rest of the day with Epona, tending to her constantly while Zelda tells Impa every single detail about her time sealed away. The two prayed over each other a few times. The sun gets low in the sky, Link stays silent.
They come back inside, and before Impa and Cado enter from the outside to begin their next hour of catching up, Zelda places a gentle hand on Link’s shoulder. “Link,”
He turns to look at her, everything about him immediately softening as her green eyes stare at him.
“You’re upset?” She says, her voice soothing.
“No I’m not.” He denies. She raises an eyebrow.
“I know you.” Link becomes acutely aware of her thumb that starts rubbing circles into his muscle and he has to remind himself how to stand. ”Talk to me.”
He knows he can’t tell her about this, not yet. “Later?” He asks. She smiles and nods.
“I’m here for you.”
Link begins dinner, and Zelda washes up, leaving the three alone for the first time since early morning.
Impa stares, Cado uncomfortably clears his throat. Link looks at them, frowning, knowing what they want.
He sighs deeply.
“I will return to the castle. Zelda and I briefly discussed returning the Champion’s weapons to their people, and can do it then.” He finally says. “Tell every leader to warn their people to avoid the castle at all costs.”
“Good.” Impa nods.
“But-“ Link holds his hand up, “I’m not going until both she and I are ready.” He says.
“What do you mean by ready?” That old woman was always so pushy.
“When Zel and I both feel ready to return to those places without it absolutely crushing our spirits, we will go. Together.”
“Hylia knows when that will be.” Cado scoffs.
“Exactly.” Link says. “Unless more deaths are reported or this shadow is seen again, it can wait. Everyone has been avoiding the castle for a century, what’s a little while longer?” Link states, silently proud of himself for sticking up for himself and not just being the obedient soldier he was trained to be. “Besides, no one should be there anyways, it’s not safe.”
“You’re in love with the Princess.” Impa states with a chuckle and Link sputters, the wind knocking out of him.
“What? Why would you say that?” He asks.
“I saw you two. The way you look at her.” Impa smirks. Link feels his ears heat up, Cado stifles a laugh.
“You are so rude.” Link replies.
“I think you two need each other.” Impa shrugs, “But do not let any worldly affection keep you in the way of what really matters here: Hyrule and its people.”
Impa always knew exactly how to remind Link that he is just a soldier.
“We will leave before we eat. At this rate we will not return home until late into the night.” Impa states, standing back up.
They say their goodbyes. Zelda promises to visit, Impa gives her a kiss on the forehead, Cado bows again. And just as the sun begins to set, the pair is headed through the bridge.
Both Link and Zelda stand in the doorway as they watch them leave. Zelda starts to sniffle, wiping a tear.
“Hey, hey, hey.” Link says in a comforting tone when he sees her cry, turning to face her. “It’s okay, we’re gonna see her again real soon.” He reassures. Zelda sighs.
“She got so old, without me.” She tries to swallow her sob but fails. She presses her tear-stained face into the crook of Link’s neck, and he just holds her for as long she needs. Zelda is the one to pull away after a moment of comfort. “I’m sorry… I know there's something troubling you, too. I shouldn’t be so selfish.” Zelda sighs.
Link swallows, “It’s nothing. Not for tonight.”
“You're sure?”
“Positive.” Link nods. “Can I show you something?” He asks, and Zelda is nodding as he takes her hand and leads her up stairs. He pushes open a hatch on the ceiling in the corner, and a rickety ladder slides down. Some dust and cobwebs fly down, but when the air clears, Link is climbing up onto the roof of their house. He helps Zelda up next, and she’s looking up at the night sky with bright eyes. It’s still not totally dark yet, but the first few stars are starting to shine.
The roof is slightly slanted, but not enough to cause either of them concern. They both comfortably find a position on the tiles, facing south, noses pointed at the heavens. There’s about a foot of space between them, and Link wants to scoot closer into her, but chooses not to. He closes the hatch from the outside, so the warm light of the house doesn’t pollute their view.
“I like to come up here to clear my head.” He says. “It doesn’t hold a candle to the night sky in Hebra or out in the desert, but it's still pretty spectacular.”
Zelda hums, “You’ll have to take me someday.” She stays looking at the sky but Link looks at her. Her profile is beautiful, hair long and cascading, ears pointed and blushed. Surely she knew he was staring, but neither of them did anything to stop.
“One day.” He nods before looking away and laying on his back. He rests his arms behind his head, crossing an ankle over his bended knee. “That one is called Haru.” He points to an especially bright star, “It’s part of the constellation Nabooru.” He then traces the warrior constellation with his finger.
“I remember, yes.” Zelda scoots into him, and he tries to stifle his smile. She doesn’t lay next to him, but now they’re a mere inches apart.
“And this is the North Star.” Link cranes his neck back to see it. “It moves though, did you know that? True north changes over time, so that one was the North Star when we were born, but over time the celestial bodies shifted and now it's that one. They didn’t even know that until I came back, because I was following the original one and ended up in Lanayru instead of Eldin. I talked with Purah and Robbie and they agreed, isn’t that fascinating?” He asks with a smile.
Zelda smiles so wide she thinks her cheeks will burst. “I never heard you speak like that before. With so much passion and eloquence.”
Link looks at her and just chuckles, “Now everyone follows the new star, but it didn’t have a name yet….”
“We should name it!” She gasps.
“Oh…I already did.” Link frowns, “I named it after I got my first memory back.” He shrugs. “I”m sorry. But there are plenty of stars without names anymore. A lot of the scientific research got destroyed with the…” He stops himself, “Well you know why. No one these days even knows the constellations anymore. I’m the only one.”
“What did you name it?” Zelda smiles.
Link looks at her again, “Zelda.”
She just about passes out from flattery, smiling down at her knees which are bent into her chest, blushing a little. “That’s very nice.”
“It was my true north.” He says. “I’d have been lost without it.”
It was fully dark now, and the sky lit up with the twinkling lights, the moon was a small sliver of a crescent and hung low in the sky near the sea.
“When did you remember the constellations?” She asked.
“They come to me slowly. It was required for all knights to know them, as I’m sure you remember.” Link described, looking to the heavens again. “I still can’t think of half of them.”
“Well isn’t that one Navi?” She points to another star.
“No, that one is Navi.” Link scoots up to her level, closing the gap further between them, and takes his hand to move her arm to the right star, his calloused and scarred flesh rough against her soft skin. “That one is the top of the constellation Hylia-“
“-Hylia”
They say it together. Perfectly in tune.
Their faces turn towards one another, locking eyes. The air freezes, time itself seems to hold.
Their hearts simultaneously skip a beat, and a soft blow of warm wind passes by, brushing through their hair.
Link makes the mistake of looking at her lips and for a split second he swears she leans in, but before anything goes any further, she’s moving away and laying down next to him.
He supposes this is alright, too.
“I wonder what she thinks of all this.” Link says.
Zelda is quiet ....“I sometimes wonder if the God’s regret making man.”
“What do you mean?” Link asks, looking at her.
“Well… man is what caused the curse of the loop anyways. If it weren’t for us, Hyrule wouldn’t have to be rebuilt every ten thousand years.” She frowns. “Maybe they wish they had left their creation to rest without our feeble beings.”
“I don’t think that.” Link shakes his head. “I think they put us here because we are flawed, not in spite of it.
I think our mistakes, our sins, our curses are what makes us special. Life would be futile if we were perfect. There would be no motivation. No growth. No passion.
You cannot have good without evil, or light without dark, or joy without pain.
That’s what’s so beautiful about life. I think the God’s know that. I think they love us because of it. That is a luxury they don’t have. I see it as a gift. To live for the hope of it all.”
Link rambles, and Zelda is stunned for a moment. She turns her head to look at him, this time he’s the one with wonder-filled eyes staring up, ignoring the gaze of the other.
“I really think you should wield the triforce of wisdom.” Zelda teases.
Link looks at her, their noses almost touching. “Oh no, I’m only profound when I’m around you.” He shakes his head, giggling. “You should see me try to talk my way through Gerudo town, there's nothing wise about it.” His tone is playful, and they both laugh over it. “I accidentally told a woman she looked pregnant instead of ordering a drink at the bar.” Link explains and then says the two phrases in Gerudo, Zelda can admit they have very similar pronunciations and the both of them are full-belly laughing at the situation. Zelda asks how he managed to get out of that situation, and Link had to describe further that he was in disguise, which made everything harder to get through. Zelda couldn’t get the image of Link in a woman’s clothing out of her mind, and Link only sets her off further when he finishes the story with him getting slapped by an elderly Gerudo Woman. It isn’t much longer until she has tears welling down her face, but this time they are finally tears of laughter and joy.
When they both finally pull themselves together, Zelda smiles at him, wiping a tear from the corner of her eyes. “Thank you.” She sighs, her stomach aching from laughter.
Zelda then takes a risk, and snakes her hand in between them before wrapping it around Link’s. They don’t lock fingers, and it isn’t even necessarily classified as a romantic gesture, but she just squeezes his hand, thankful for cheering her up, thankful for reminding her that there is still hope.
There is hope in balance.
She tries to pull it away, not wanting to overstep, but Link is holding her hand tighter, keeping it in his grip. Zelda happily obliges, and they keep their hands clasped at their sides the whole night.
Chapter Six
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theendless22 · 3 months
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Peeta Mellark Headcanons (Modern Day Technology!):
I got inspired by a titkok I saw this morning that said Peeta would be obsessed with Minecraft and TikTok, I couldn’t help myself. 🩵
My Masterlist
Minecraft
Peeta’s your biggest fangirl, watching you play video games in awe.
This inevitably leads to introducing minecraft to him… and it’s safe to say he’s addicted!
You both have matching skins.
It starts off with a multiplayer minecraft world, you teach him the basics, laughing when he dies from fall damage.
“It’s not funny!” He pouts.
The first night is actual torture.
You best believe he’ll be shrieking at the mobs.
“HELP ME!”
*breadboy12 was slain by zombie*
(Although he’s a fighter irl I’d imagine him to be a useless defender in minecraft, but at least he tries)
Would sacrifice himself for you if you were under attack.
After the first night he’d ensure to make a house for you both.
He’d cry when a creeper blows it up.
You thought he gave up building until you see a small cottage made of birch and cherry wood the next day.
It’s decorated with a wheat farm and animal pen at the side.
“Do you like our house?” He types in chat, crouching up and down at you.
Would giggle when he places his minecraft bed next to yours.
Has every cat and dog he can find.
He’d totally make an animal sanctuary for them, after you complain they take too much space in the cottage.
Definitely makes a bakery where the price for bread is a kiss (only if it’s from you)
Peeta is definitely the flower gatherer.
Don’t be surprised when Peeta whacks you, throwing your favourite flower onto the ground.
“For you :)” is all he’d say before running away into your shared cottage.
You think his antics are cheesy, but you wouldn’t have it any other way. :)
Tiktok
Reposts his entire fyp
Definitely the biggest contributor to his 20+ hour screen time a week.
He’d insist on having a matching pfp with you.
If you say no his pfp would just be his favourite picture of you. “You’re just so pretty baby!”
Apart from bakery accounts you’d be the only person he follows. He doesn’t understand why that makes you so happy.
I’m a firm believer that he wouldn’t indulge in the tiktok thirst traps.
He’d probably block the people making them because the only person he wants to see in that way is you. 🥲
If you posted dancing tiktoks of your own he’d watch it over and over again in awe.
“You look beautiful!” He’d comment. (alongside the other 25+ comments of him admiring you)
Would actually go feral if he saw you make a thirst trap of your own.
His response would totally be: “Gnawing at the bars of my enclosure”. It’s inevitable he becomes victim to the tiktok language at this point, especially when he hears it from you.
Results in Johanna commenting under his comments, telling him to go and touch grass.
He’d get pouty at this, it’s not his fault you’ve got him acting out. :(
A big fan of the “things to do with your partner” videos.
“This reminded me of you”
Would tag you in videos along the lines of “which orange cat am I?”
Leads to a rabbit hole of watching funny cat videos.
His favourites are the cat pov videos, but he equally loves watching animal rescue videos.
He’d stumble across those baby sensory videos (the ones with the vegetables) and unironically be watching them for an hour.
Tiktok would also give him massive baby fever.
“Just the one baby, please!” “Peeta no.”
He’d send you many baby fever videos in hopes it changes your mind.
He’s a sucker for the couple TikTok trends.
“We need to do that together!”
Secretly wants to make a dancing tiktok with you.
Has a private folder full of your reposts, specifically the ones about your special interests so he can educate himself on what you care about.
“No way! I didn’t know you were a Taylor Swift fan!” (his private folder says otherwise) 👀
Results in him becoming obsessed with your special interests.
Peeta would obviously be consumed by breadtok, having thousands of saved videos in his favourites.
You’re no longer surprised when you visit and see his tiktok inspired creations.
“I saw it on tiktok!” He’d beam.
Would definitely start a colony of sourdough after seeing the “100 year old sourdough starter” trend.
Keeps up with the tiktok cake drama (if yk yk)
Scared of the yo ho sea videos (he’d never admit it)
Shits himself when you’re near bodies of water and you start singing it.
However he still watches them to tell you interesting sea facts.
Nobody can convince me that he doesn’t religiously watch the Reddit AITA videos with minecraft parkour or subway surfers in the background.
Gets heated when the person is actually the asshole.
“How could they do that?” “They suck!” “I’d never do that to you baby!”
You laugh, a small smile on your lips because it’s true, he’d never do that to you.
Additional headcanons
Peeta makes a world on the sims, spending hours ensuring you and him look like yourself in real life. In his world you and him are happily married, having multiple babies together and a few pets. He uses the sim world almost as a manifestation of the life he wants with you, as he genuinely sees you both spending the rest of your lives together.
Has a private tumblr account that acts as his diary, he often recalls his day with you, and if that day is particularly good he makes his entries in the same formation as a fan fic (He’s just that whipped) :)
(I’m open for suggestions to make more of these, feedback is appreciated!) This is the first post I’ve made in a few years so I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did making it 💗
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xcrystalzero · 3 years
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all the things i believed
pairing: xiao x reader
summary: you've only seen the boy who lives in the apartment one over from yours a few times, but you knew the look of someone who wanted to seem intimidating when you saw one. so, why was his music taste so adorable?
alternatively, xiao thinks that the apartment walls are a lot thicker than they actually are and accidentally exposes the fact that he's not nearly as angsty as he wants everyone to believe.
note: soft xiao makes me way too happy. also, here is xiao's playlist! i recommend listening while you read :) if you guys like it, i'll make playlists for my fics more often!
"I'll miss you!" Your roommate had her arms wound tightly around your torso and it didn't seem like she planned on letting go any time soon. She was also squeezing just a tad too hard and it was starting to hurt.
Gingerly, you patted her on the shoulder, subtly attempting to pry her off of you with your other hand. "I'll miss you too... But remember, it's only two weeks and then you're back!"
That only served to make her pout even more as she finally pulled away "Two weeks is so long though! How am I going to survive without you and your brownies?"
"Hah, so you're really only worried about not having brownies huh?"
"You know that's not what I meant!" she whined, causing you to giggle slightly. Honestly though, there was no way anyone watching could possibly think that she would only be gone for two weeks. Your roommate had decided that she needed three full suitcases and the world's largest carry-on purse for her little trip, and you were honestly a little worried about it.
"Ahem..." Your bonding moment was promptly interrupted by a soft but very present voice directly behind you. Whirling around, you came face to face with a vaguely familiar figure.
It was the golden eyes that caught your attention first. Even in the strange fluorescent light of the hallway, they almost seemed to have a light of their own, a hypnotizing sort of gleam that you couldn't bring yourself to look away from. Of course, the rest of him was no less than stunning either. Dressed head to toe in black with his angular features and lean build, he was striking.
His eyes widened slightly as you turned towards him though they settled fairly quickly back into what you could only assume was his trademark glare.
"Just... trying to get through." His voice was gruff, but much softer than you had anticipated. Perhaps even gentle?
Oh yeah, that was how you knew him! Your schedules must have been somewhat similar since you were sure you passed him at least a few times a week. You had never talked but you were pretty sure you had seen him going into the unit one over from yours quite a few times.
So this was your neighbor huh? He was cute, if a little intimidating.
"Oh sorry!" your roommate chimed in. "We were just leaving, we'll get out of your way!" She began to scoot her bags to the side and you quickly joined in, wheeling one of the suitcases to the side, though you couldn't seem to keep your eyes off of the guy. Every time you looked away, it was as though your gaze was drawn back towards him by some unnatural force.
It helped that he seemed just as awkward with the whole thing as you did, alternating glancing between the you and your roommate, the floor, and his phone. As soon as there was enough space for him to squeeze by, he did, mumbling a quick thanks as he made his way down the hall, unlocking his door and disappearing into his apartment in what felt like a second.
After a moment of silence, your roommate piped up again. "He's cute!"
"He can probably still hear you!" you whacked her across the shoulder, causing her to pout in your direction again, though the teasing look never left her eyes.
"He's kind of your type too isn't he?" she all-but waggled her eyebrows in your direction to which you rolled your eyes.
"Aren't you already late for your flight"
"Oh shit!"
~~~
The apartment felt so strange when you were alone. Usually around this time of night, your roommate would have come banging on your door to join her for her late night rom-com marathon or to help her chose an outfit or the party she was going to. Tonight however, everything was quiet.
With a sigh, you slumped over onto your bed, scrolling aimlessly through your phone in hopes of finding some sort of entertainment.
That was when you heard it. The soft sound of an instrumental through the wall, slowly building in volume as you assumed whoever lived in that room turned up the volume.
"40 days and 40 nights... I waited for a girl like you to come and save my life..."
Aww cute, love songs! Had you been busy or doing literally anything else, you might have been annoyed, or at least a little worried about exactly how loud they had to be playing their music for you to be able to hear it. As things stood though, it was a welcome distraction.
"You were out of my league, all the things I believed, you were just the right kind yeah you were more than just a dream..."
Oh yeah, you knew this song too! There was a sort of second timbre to the sound and you wondered if the person playing the music was singing along as well.
Wait, who was playing that music. Judging by the sound, it was likely the unit one to your left where their wall joined with yours. The unit one to your left...
Multi-colored hair and golden eyes... The cute guy? Pulling yourself immediately up into a sitting position, you pressed yourself to the wall before immediately realizing how crazy you were acting.
He was just playing music, that wasn't anything weird.
"Romeo take me, somewhere we can be alone..."
Taylor Swift. He was playing Taylor Swift. At that, you started laughing. Wow, appearances really could be deceiving huh? You sighed as you leaned with your back against the wall, letting the vibrations from the music soak into your very being.
You were sure that you'd heard music coming from that unit before but he wasn't usually loud at all. Maybe something was different today? Maybe you'd ask him when you next saw him. And maybe, he'd actually want to talk to you when you did.
Or maybe not.
So for now, you let your head rest against the wall, letting the music and soft singing lull you into relaxation.
~~~
That was it, you despised public transportation. All you wanted was to get out of your apartment for one day and take your work to a nearby cafe. So of course, when you ran outside to catch the bus that came once every hour, the bus driver looked you straight in the eye as he closed the door right in front of you and drove off. And then for good measure, it started raining.
You sighed, burying your face in the backpack on your lap. If the bus app was right, which it rarely was, there was another bus you could take arriving in the next few minutes, so maybe this wouldn't be as awful as you thought.
The sound of footsteps entering the little bus stop booth got your mind off of your moping as you raised your head just enough to peer over at who it was that had just joined you.
Oh. Standing there, hood pulled up over his multi-toned hair and seemingly permanent scowl fixed on his lips, was your hot neighbor. Your hot neighbor with very interesting music taste if last night told you anything.
Since nothing could go right for you, the moment that you looked at him, he looked at you, meaning the two of you got to share a few agonizing seconds of awkward eye contact before he pointedly turned away with a soft "tsk". That being said, you were sure that you weren't imagining the slight tinge of shock you had seen in his gaze for a moment.
"You've got good timing, there's one coming in like 5 minutes." You had no idea how you had managed to get the words out without stuttering or blushing the moment he turned back to look at you.
"That's good..." Yup, that was an expected response, and yet, you really just wanted him to keep talking. So this was the end of your story with the gorgeous emo boy next door. Relegated to exchanging conversation about public transportation and nothing more. It was really the wasted potential here that was killing you. So many cute interactions that would just never happen. Ah if only the bus would come so that you wouldn't have to wallow in your despair any longer.
"I... thought you were leaving yesterday?"
Oh? You whirled around way too quickly to face the man, causing his eyes to widen as he shifted away instinctually.
"Oh, I was just helping my roommate move all of her stuff," you managed to get out, summoning what you hoped was a non-nervous smile to your lips.
"Those were all her bags?" he seemed horrified, enough so that you couldn't hold back your laughter.
"I said the same thing! She's kind of insane sometimes but I love her..." Well, it was no or never. "I'm [name] by the way!" You smiled and extended a hand out towards the boy.
He regarded you for a moment with a look you couldn't put into words. After what felt like an eternity however, he gently took your hand in his own, holding it for barely a moment before pulling back again. "Xiao."
Xiao. There was a strange sense of relief that came with this new knowledge. Know that you knew his name, was it couth to ask him what his favorite Taylor Swift song was? Probably not. But there was a chance that you might literally never be able to talk to him again... Meh, it was as you were thinking before right? Now or never.
"Hi Xiao. I liked your playlist last night by the way." The words came out more effortlessly than you had thought they would, carefree and teasing.
You were a little bit surprised though when you glanced back over at Xiao, only to find him eyes blown wide as a deep red spread quickly across his cheeks. "Y-You!"
"Honestly a pretty good curation! If a little unexpected..." You had no idea what it was about this guy but he really brought the snarky, teasing part of you out. Maybe it was the fact that while he usually looked cold and intimidating, blushing, embarrassed Xiao was strangely adorable.
"I thought you left!" Xiao blurted out. "I mean... There were so many bags... And your roommate said that you guys were leaving..."
You stared blankly at him for a moment before immediately dissolving into peals of laughter. Xiao had the gall to pretend to be offended for a moment before he looked away with a soft huff. "What..."
"You know, I kind of thought you were scary at first," you managed between giggles. "I guess not though!"
"Ugh, you're insufferable." Xiao rolled his eyes though you were sure that you saw the slightest hint of a smile as he did. "Why were you listening through the walls anyway?"
"Xiao, it was literally so loud."
"It wasn't that bad!"
"And I think I heard some singing too! Say, you in a band? Do you guys usually just write love songs?"
"I was not singing!"
There was a strange warmth in your chest as the two of you went back and forth. So things could go right for you after all?
~~~
Sadly, you and Xiao hadn't been going the same way, so when his bus came - before yours you might add - the two of you had parted ways. The sun had been going down when you made your way back home, satisfied with a productive day, though the memory of your conversation with Xiao was still taking up a lot more headspace than you would have liked.
So this is what it was like to simp for a guy? You weren't sure you liked it.
Setting down the takeout you had picked up on the counter, you crashed onto your living room couch with a low groan. Sleep would be nice right about now, but also, you had to eat and shower and clean...
"I wonder what Xiao's doing?" The thought appeared in your head suddenly and you almost smacked yourself right then and there. Why were you always thinking about him? You'd literally spoken to the guy once, and it wasn't anything special! Just some teasing and his little retorts... And his cute blush... And his little smile... And the way he pretended to be annoyed when he was clearly enjoying it... Wow, this was worse than you thought.
"CAN YOU FEEL MY HEART?"
You yelped, jumping up in your seat at the sudden noise, coming once again from the wall separating you and Xiao's units. You paused for a moment but before you could stop yourself, you were back up on your feet, making your way over and banging against the wall.
"You're not fooling anyone Xiao!" you yelled, not sure if he could even hear you. Apparently he could since the music stopped as quickly as it had started. There was a moment of silence as you pressed your ear to the wall, waiting for his next move. What you did not expect was to hear sound in the other direction. A knock on your door.
Confused, you made your way over, unlocking the door and pulling it open to reveal, Xiao? He was still wearing his giant black hoodie, though the glare was missing.
"Did you run out of sugar or something? Or fake angsty songs to play?" you questioned with a grin.
As expected, he let out a soft huff, turning his head away in fake exasperation. "You're a menace."
"So what I'm hearing is that you want me to send in a noise complaint!"
"You idiot... I'm just here to-" For whatever reason, he was blushing again.
"Here to?" you prompted, wondering if you should invite him in or offer him water or something. He was tugging at the collar of his hoodie too...
"J-Just here to say that if you're going to sit there listening through the walls, you might as well just come over..."
Did you hear that right? You stared at him for a moment longer, blinking slowly. This was probably a dream right? You were so tired when you got home that you fell asleep and now you were dreaming.
"I mean, you don't have to if you don't want to..." Or maybe not.
"You know, normal people just invite people over without pretending to be edgy right?"
"Shut it, are you coming or not?"
"Yeah yeah I'm coming. Oh yeah, I got takeout, I'll bring it. It's from that new place down the street, Wangshu Inn. Have you ever had Almond Tofu before?"
"... you're unbelievable."
note: i want a hot neighbor like xiao... i did have a hot neighbor who i did hit on, but then i found out that he had a girlfriend so i stopped... but xiao would be better.
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elentiyawhitethorn · 3 years
Text
Exile
Rowaelin Month, Day 29
A Work Based on a Song @rowaelinscourt
Tumblr media
CW: language, minor NSFW
AN: Based on the Taylor Swift song
Rowaelin Month Masterlist//Main Masterlist//5747 words
Second, third, and hundredth chances
Balancing on breaking branches
I think I've seen this film before
And I didn't like the ending
There she was. Arm-in-arm with that man and standing tall and smiling.
She didn’t have any right to smile like that.
Not when it wasn’t because of him. Not when he wasn’t the one holding her, wasn’t the one telling her cheesy jokes and pressing heated kisses to her neck.
And that man had no right to lay his hands on her. She didn’t belong to him.
Rowan clenched his fingers so tightly he heard something snap. He glanced down to see the plastic lid of his coffee cup with a crack in it. He loosened his grip, then looked back up.
He shouldn’t be watching her. She had given up on him. She was the reason he was struggling, and she was the cause of his pain. Aelin didn’t deserve any attention from him.
But he just couldn’t tear his gaze away.
“Stop it,” Aelin complained halfheartedly, a laugh creeping into her voice. “You can’t pay for everything.”
Sam winked. “Who says?”
Aelin rolled her eyes and shoved him lightly, a smile twitching at her lips all the while. “I hate you.”
“And I love you.”
A grin broke over Aelin’s face. Sam had said that for the first time last night, after a lovely dinner. There had been roses and candles and a gourmet (at least to Aelin’s uncultured taste buds) meal. Sam had really gone all out.
And he had been more than understanding about the fact that she wasn’t ready to reciprocate those three words. He’d insisted that she didn’t actually, knowing everything there was to know about the relationship she’d just gotten out of and having complete and utter respect and supportiveness for her.
But she would say it back soon. She was free, and she was with Sam, and for the first time in a long time, she was happy. Aelin may not love him yet, and she never was sure of when that extreme adoration crossed the line, but it had to be soon. It had to be because Sam was good to her. And if she could love people who weren’t good to her, Aelin must certainly be able to love the ones who were.
That’s how it worked, right?
Aelin smiled even as her thoughts raced back in time, to a different point in her life, when things had been much different. These things did not need to be analyzed. Aelin had done enough overthinking to last a lifetime, and she had promised herself to stop. To just stop thinking about him at all.
Aelin leaned in and pressed a chaste kiss to Sam’s cheek. “C’mon, our coffee’s getting cold.”
Sam grinned and waggled his eyebrows. “I bet I could find a way to warm things up.”
Aelin choked on a laugh. “Don’t you dare. That was the least sexy thing I have ever heard come out of your mouth.”
Sam pulled her closer. “I have plenty more up my sleeve. Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?”
Aelin whacked him on the arm playfully. “You are the worst boyfriend ever,” she teased. “Let’s go, maybe I will let you warm things up.” She grinned, knowing that encouraging him only increased the number of ridiculous jokes and pick-up lines being sent her way and not caring one bit.
With one last smirk, Sam tugged Aelin toward the door of the coffee shop, arm loosely around her waist. She leaned into him as they walked to the door, only slowing down as she reached over to adjust her purse strap over her shoulder… and something caught Aelin’s eye when she looked back.
Someone.
Aelin came to a complete standstill, eyes widening in shock.
It shouldn’t be such a surprise. After all, this was a small town. But Aelin having to see him again, having to see him staring at her unashamedly, maintaining eye contact…
It was unnerving.
His eyes bore holes into Aelin, and she shivered. He hadn’t always looked at her like that. It had been happy, once. Once there had been love in gaze. Not possession. Not loathing. Not fury. Just pure, unadulterated love.
So much had changed. No, Aelin corrected herself. Nothing had changed other than her ability to notice what was really going on. This was how it had always been. Aelin had just been too blind to see it.
Distantly, Aelin realized Sam was asking her what was wrong. He was following her gaze. He was putting the pieces together.
And now he was asking her if that was him, but they both knew. They both knew it was.
Aelin spun around suddenly, a complete 180 degree turn, eradicating Rowan from her line of sight.
“Let’s go,” Aelin said. “Let’s just go.”
“See you tomorrow,” Aelin said, kissing Sam on the lips.
He deepened the kiss slightly before pulling away and saying, “See you, babe. Love you.”
Aelin smiled.
Sam smiled back, but the expression dimmed before he could leave, hesitating on the doorstep. “Are you sure…”
Aelin took a deep breath. “Sam, I love that you care about me, but there is nothing to be done. Rowan lives nearby; I’ll have to get used to seeing him every once in a while.”
Sam shook his head. “That’s not fair. He doesn’t get to do what he did to you and then walk around untouched, flaunting it.”
Aelin flashed a watery smile. “That’s the thing, Sam. He can do whatever he likes, and it won’t matter. It doesn’t matter because I am with you and I am happy and anything he does is entirely inconsequential.”
Sam held Aelin’s gaze, then his eyes softened. He kissed her again and pulled back. “I’ll see you tomorrow,” he repeated in a whisper.
Aelin smiled, watching him leave.
She leaned against the doorway of her apartment, watching Sam walk away with a gentle expression on her face. He glanced back only once to toss a saucy grin her way as he took the turn and headed down the stairs, out of sight. But she didn’t go back inside quite yet, instead gazing in the direction he’d last been visible at, thinking. Thinking happy things.
And then thinking some not so happy things.
It wasn’t fair that Rowan could consume her thoughts so wholly. Yes, consume was the right word. He consumed her mind now, and before he had consumed every inch of her body, every aspect of her life. And it was a word with so many different connotations that for a long time, Aelin hadn’t thought that was so bad.
She knew better now.
Aelin normally would have willed a smile back to her face to reassure those around her, but she was alone now. No more pretending. Aelin frowned fully as she turned to renter the apartment.
And nearly ran smack into Rowan, who was standing on the opposite side of the doorway. Only a couple feet away, staring at her, breathing her air, and she hadn’t noticed.
Aelin regarded him silently, trying to decide if Rowan was real or not. This wouldn’t have been the first time she’d imagined him beside her.
“What exactly did I do to you, Aelin?” He was real then.
“You have no right.” Aelin’s voice was raspy and beyond furious.
“You can’t stop thinking about me, can you?”
Aelin shook her head, her entire body shaking. “You have no right,” she repeated.
Rowan crossed his arms. The door was wide open, and Aelin stood on the side with the hinges. Which meant she had the disadvantage, unable to get in without Rowan stopping her.
“What do you want from me?”
Rowan shook his head, eyes simmering with something deceptively similar to hurt. “I want to understand.”
“What is there to understand?” Aelin hissed.
“Why did you leave me?” Rowan’s voice was hard.
Aelin breathed hard through her nostrils, not bothering to put a leash on her temper. “Because you didn’t treat me right, Rowan. You ignored me. You used me.”
“I loved you!” Rowan shouted.
Aelin shook her head. “That wasn’t love. That was something else.”
“What was it, Aelin?”
She bit her lip, and Rowan’s eyes snapped down to her mouth. He stepped forward. “What was it?” he demanded, voice far too gravelly for this conversation.
“I don’t know!” she snapped. “Something bad. Something wrong.”
With that she kicked out her foot and caught Rowan on the inside of his leg. Thought likely uninjured, he was surprised enough by Aelin’s spite that he stepped back an inch. Just enough space for Aelin to shove past him and slam the door.
Angry tears streaming down her face in hateful torrents, Aelin flipped the lock, then slid the chain into place.
Then she released a muffled cry of anguish and leaned back against the door, swaying. She started crying in earnest, trying to keep her sobs relatively quiet in case Rowan was still at the door. He probably was.
Aelin slid down the door limply, falling into a pile on the floor. She reached around and placed a palm flat on the wooden surface. He was out there.
She knew he was.
Confirmation came in the form of a shadow, flitting across the crack under the door, and finally blocking the space considerably, accompanied by the a soft thump.
Rowan was sitting next to her. Without the door, he’d be touching her. Holding her.
Aelin pressed her face against the door, getting as close to him as she could while still being able to deny it. She’d slammed the door on him. No one could take that away from her.
But no one could take this away from her either, this moment.
Aelin was crying. He’d known she would be, but it still hurt to hear.
Rowan traced his fingers across the door delicately, imagining her own touch on the other side. They were almost holding hands.
Time passed. They kept sitting there, and Rowan knew Aelin well enough to know she’d be screaming at herself inside her head, trying to make herself get up, to no avail.
Rowan felt a twisted sense of satisfaction to know that she couldn’t leave him just yet.
It was two in the morning when Rowan finally heard Aelin stand. Faintly he heard her, still sniffling, shuffle off to somewhere else in their apartment.
For it was their apartment. Rowan’s just as much as Aelin’s. More even. He just wasn’t allowed inside anymore.
Rowan stood and walked away.
Aelin giggled. “You did not.”
Chaol flashed a smile. “I swear on all that is holy I did.”
Aelin shook her head, eyes dancing with mirth. “How does one even manage to do that without being—”
“May I cut in?”
Aelin turned, smile frozen in place, to find her boyfriend reaching over to place an arm around her side, fingers digging in a bit too much for her liking. “Of course. We were just talking about you, actually.”
Rowan smiled, but there was something in the expression that didn’t appeal to her. “Oh?”
Chaol joined in. “I told her about the day I met you, how I got so upset with you that I put your phone number in all the bathrooms and you got a bunch of calls asking for a hookup.”
Chaol laughed, clearly under the impression this was long since water under the bridge. Rowan’s returning smile was a bit tighter, and Aelin wondered if he still held a grudge. Or if he was upset about something else.
“As much as I would love to reminisce,” Rowan said, voice dripping with manners and camaraderie, “My girlfriend and I need to go. I’ll see you on Monday, Westfall.”
Chaol smiled and waved. Aelin just took another sip of her champagne.
Rowan plucked the champagne flute from her hand and set it somewhere off to the side, then pulled Aelin toward the exit, his hand still firmly around her waist.
Aelin didn’t say anything as they left the work party. Nor as Rowan opened the passenger door of his car and helped her inside, like he thought she’d bolt at the first opportunity.
The ride home was silent. As was the walk up the stairs leading to their apartment. Rowan unlocked the door with his keys and held it open, letting Aelin go first. Once again, she got the feeling it wasn’t a gesture of kindness.
Aelin dropped her purse on the counter then spun around, anger finally spilling over the top. “What the hell was that?”
Rowan crossed his arms. “I could ask you the same thing.”
“What is that supposed to mean?”
Rowan didn’t waver. “You were flirting with my coworker.”
Aelin gaped at him. “I was doing no such thing!”
Rowan just snorted.
“You asked me to make an effort with your friends,” Aelin said icily. “That’s all I was doing.”
Rowan scoffed. “Don’t take me for a fool, Aelin.”
“Excuse me? I was not flirting with anybody, Rowan. We were talking about you for fuck’s sake.”
“Chaol always has ulterior motives. I don’t trust him.”
“And what about me? Do you trust me?” Aelin barely managed to keep her voice from cracking.
Rowan’s face instantly softened. “Of course I trust you, baby.”
Aelin didn’t reply.
Rowan stepped forward and brought his hands to her face, gently cupping her cheeks. “Look at me.”
Aelin hesitated, then brought her gaze to meet his own.
“I’m sorry, love. I shouldn’t have been so suspicious. Forgive me.”
Aelin’s lower lip wavered. She still said nothing.
“I love you,” Rowan continued, softly tracing a line over her cheek. “Forgive me.”
“I love you too,” Aelin rasped. And it was true. She loved him more than anything in the world.
Rowan leaned in and pressed his lips against her forehead. “I’m sorry.”
Aelin squeezed her eyes shut. She was tense as Rowan started to move his mouth down her neck, loving and demanding at the same time.
Rowan’s hand found its way to her shoulder, sliding the thin strap of her dress off. Aelin stayed still, breathing through her nose while Rowan started following the top of her dress down with his mouth, kissing her bare chest, Aelin’s breasts covered only barely.
“Rowan,” Aelin gasped as he finally freed a breast from the fabric and closed his mouth around it. She wasn’t sure if she was spurring him on or protesting.
Rowan pushed her back a step. Then another. Aelin felt the wall at her back. She let her head fall back against it.
“I’m sorry,” Rowan repeated in a dark murmur, breath caressing her ear. His hand fell to her thigh and pushed up the dress, then he reached for his own buckle.
Aelin could only try to convince herself she wanted this as Rowan pulled her underwear to the side and—
Aelin jolted up in bed with a gasp.
Sweat soaked the sheets and dripped down Aelin’s face as she panted into the darkness. Aelin bent over and buried her face in the sheets, face already wet with tears.
Routine had long since become mechanical for Rowan. Get out of bed. Take a shower. Eat breakfast. Brush teeth. Dress and get out the door.
It helped keep his thoughts from straying.
It wasn’t just getting ready that Rowan approached with machine-like indifference. The rest of the day passed in a blur, and soon enough Rowan was in a bar, sipping his first whiskey of the night.
It sure as hell wouldn’t be the last.
He slipped his phone out of his pocket and placed it on the bar in front of him. Turning it on revealed Aelin’s smiling face, framed by her vibrant golden hair. A white sundress highlighted her curves subtly. The sun was high behind her, and the cloudless sky was the blue of her eyes. The whole picture was so Aelin.
Rowan entered his passcode and took in the home screen, another picture of Aelin, this one with him as well. Aelin’s cousin Aedion had taken the picture. They were sprawled across the grass, Aelin haphazardly lounging on top of Rowan, her mouth open in a laugh that he could almost hear, even now. And that beautiful hair, strewn across his chest.
She looked the happiest Rowan had ever seen her. There was no way someone could look that happy and just be pretending. It was utterly impossible.
Rowan searched for indications that he was treating her wrong, that his grip on her arm was too tight or his eyes were angry or mean.
They weren’t. He was gazing at her with adoration, just as he’d always done. He had loved her, and he still did, and Rowan had never hesitated to tell Aelin. So why had she left?
Rowan entered his photo app and started scrolling through them, though dozens upon dozens of photos of her smiling in the sun and laughing in the rain and eating on the couch.
He was a masochist to do this to himself, but he couldn’t stop.
He kept searching for any signs that something was wrong, that he wasn’t loving her right.
He couldn’t find any.
The echoing noises of the thumps on the bag were the only sounds in the room. Aelin struck with deadly capability, slamming her fist into the punching bag again and again.
She’d gotten into self-defense not long after the breakup with Rowan. Punching things, more specifically. And Aelin had gotten good, too.
She used to work out in the gym, but the closest gym was annoying to get to, all the way across town. So Aelin had invested some money into some basic equipment and set everything up in the only empty room in the apartment.
Well, it was only empty after Aelin had dumped all of Rowan’s things out on the curb. This was his former office. There was a picture of him on the wall where there used to be one of her. It was filled with holes from the various weapons Aelin had thrown at it, among them knives, darts, and a single fork.
Maybe Aelin needed to talk to a therapist.
Aelin twisted her body and pivoted her foot, landing a deadly roundhouse kick on the bag. Why the fuck hadn’t anyone told her about this miracle cure sooner?
Aelin was so busy taking out every ounce of fury within her body—which totaled up to a frighteningly large quantity—that she almost didn’t notice her phone ringing. She finally noticed the screen lit up out of the corner of her eye, and Aelin pulled out her earbuds and strode over to her phone.
It was from Sam. Aelin reached for her phone, then paused, breathing deeply. From the exercise, she told herself. Solely from the exercise.
The ringing stopped. Aelin was too late. She reached once more, intent on calling Sam back, but stopped again.
She’d been thinking a lot over the past few days. Trying. Trying so hard to love him. And every time she was with him and she opened her mouth to get it over with, she couldn’t. Because Aelin couldn’t do that to Sam. He deserved better.
And because she was thinking about somebody else.
Aelin spun around and executed a perfect boxing maneuver on the bag. Jab, dodge, duck, right hook to the body, left hook to the body, left hook to the head, slide back with a defensive jab. She repeated it, then moved onto a different maneuver.
Then Aelin stripped off her gloves and bolted for the door, off to do something she would most certainly regret.
Panting, Aelin knocked on the door before she could loose her resolve. Then she waited, hands on her hips and shoulders back.
Not even a minute passed before the lock clicked and the door was pulled inward.
Aelin took in Rowan’s tired eyes and haggard expression and knew she was the reason for that. And probably for the smell of alcohol on his breath.
He didn’t ask how she knew where he lived—Aelin had a depressing amount of free time; or why she looked like she’d run all the way here—she had; or why she was here—that one she didn’t know. He just opened the door wider.
“Come here.”
Aelin did. She wondered if her fate had been sealed from the moment she first laid eyes on him. Rowan Whitethorn was like a sinkhole, drawing you in farther and father no matter what you did, only tightening his grip when you struggled.
That gruesome description wasn’t enough to make Aelin turn back quite yet.
She stepped inside and pressed her lips against Rowan’s, hands twining in his hair instantly. His own hands came to her hips, pushing her tank top up slightly and tracing familiar patterns on her bare skin.
Aelin shoved Rowan backward in his apartment one step, then one more. She spun around so Rowan was against the wall. Aelin could feel his lips curve upward against hers, but she didn’t care what amusement he was deriving from her dominance. He wanted to take everything from her? Well, she would take right back.
Aelin parted Rowan’s lips with her tongue and the small groan that left the back of his throat had Aelin pulling his hair none-too-gently, melting into his giant frame even farther.
Nothing mattered anymore. It all evaporated into some space that Aelin couldn’t and didn’t want to access. Her brain was blissfully empty as she hooked a leg around his ankle, and as she nipped at his lip.
Rowan growled and started moving his hands upwards toward her breasts, thumbs brushing the undersides just enough that Aelin could feel it and lean into the sensation, ignoring his gleeful smirk against her mouth. Rowan finally broke the kiss and trailed his mouth along Aelin’s jawline, until his lips reached her ear.
“I love you,” Rowan whispered, voice dark and hoarse.
Aelin exhaled, her grip on him loosening. “I hate you.”
Rowan pulled back and frowned. “No, you don’t.”
Aelin chuckled humorlessly. “You’re right.” She stepped closer to the door. “But I hate that I love you.”
“Bullshit.”
“I shouldn’t have come here.”
Rowan shook his head. “Bullshit,” he repeated.
“Goodbye, Rowan.”
Aelin started for the still-open door, only a couple feet away.
Rowan’s hand immediately took hold of her wrist. “You can’t leave again. Not like this.”
“How, then?” Aelin asked, shaking her wrist free of his grasp. “Was last time any better?”
“Don’t leave me at all.”
The desperation in Rowan’s voice would have provoked some sort of sympathy in Aelin any other time, but she only felt cold as she stared him down.
“Goodbye, Rowan,” she repeated. Then Aelin spun around and slipped out the door before he could stop her.
“Stop it.”
“I will not.”
“Yes you will.”
“No I won’t.”
“Yes.”
“No.”
“Yes.”
“What’re you gonna do if I don’t?”
“I’ll beat you up, that’s what.”
Aelin and Sam only managed maintain eye contact for a minute more before dissolving into laughter.
“I’m being serious,” Aelin said between laughs.
Sam shook his head. “I don’t even understand what the issue is,” he replied, features filled with delight.
“The issue,” Aelin enunciated, “is that you can’t just be stupid like that. It’s not a good look on you.”
Sam scoffed in pretend hurt. “Excuse me, it’s not stupid to tickle my girlfriend.”
“It is,” Aelin insisted. “You’re an asshole for it.” She pouted.
Sam made an over-dramatic frown. “I’m so sorry I hurt your feelings, babe.” He spread his arms wide and leaned over from the car seat.
Aelin could only involuntarily cackle as Sam moved his evil fingers over her again, his false hug turning into an ambush. “Stop it,” she cried between giggles. “This is mean. And foul. A foulable offense.”
“Is foulable even a word?”
“It is now,” Aelin hissed, elbowing him.
Sam grinned. “It’s not my fault. What else is a guy to do when he finds out his girlfriend’s ticklish?”
“You’re supposed to not bully them!”
Sam laughed into Aelin’s shoulder. “I love you so much.”
Aelin hugged him, for the sole purpose of making sure he couldn’t see her face at the words. Before she had been so happy to hear Sam say it, and now the only thought she could conjure upon hearing it was Rowan’s face.
Everything she’d ever had, everything she’d ever worked for, Rowan soured. It was a talent of his.
Aelin hadn’t told Sam about the kiss. Almost a week had passed already, and she hadn’t told him. Acknowledging it validated it, and Aelin didn’t want that. She just wanted to forget. Though it was hard to forget the one thing haunting her through all hours of the day and night.
“Let’s go inside,” Aelin said abruptly, pulling away. “I’m already forgetting what I wanted to get.”
Sam smiled, oblivious to Aelin’s internal struggles. “Sure.”
How dare she come to him, kiss him, make him think she was ready to invite him home? How dare she use him the way she claimed he used her?
The nerve of Aelin’s visit left Rowan seething. All he wanted was Aelin. And he’d be damned if he didn’t get her.
The bell dinged to signal a customer’s arrival and Rowan’s eyes snapped up. He relaxed once more as he saw it was only an elderly man, then tensed up all over again as he spotted a familiar car parked outside the shop.
Aelin came here every Tuesday without fail to buy a new book. It was one of the few luxuries she allowed herself, and it was the only part of her routine she hadn’t changed after dumping him, and he’d been waiting in the mystery aisle for over an hour now.
And his waiting had paid off. Except, rather than leaving the car, Aelin and that man were talking and laughing and touching. He was tickling her, like a fucking loser.
Another five minutes passed and Rowan was debating going out there and knocking on the car window when the doors finally opened.
They walked hand-in-hand into the bookstore, and Aelin pressed a kiss against the man’s cheek as they neared a shelf.
His smile made Rowan smile. This poor, innocent man had no idea what had happened last week. He had no idea how unfaithful Aelin truly was.
Aelin murmured something to the man—Rowan refused to even think his name—and headed off to the romance section. Rowan followed her, creeping around shelves and not giving a fuck how bad it looked.
Aelin was reaching for some book or other when she noticed Rowan coming up behind her. Her face flushed, much to his delight, and her eyes widened.
“Go away,” was the first thing to come out of her mouth.
Rowan shook his head. “Not a chance, princess.”
Aelin’s face tightened visibly. “I’m not interested in doing this again, Rowan. We’re over.”
“Really? You haven’t seemed too sure about that lately.”
Aelin huffed. “Last week was a mistake. I know that now. I knew it when I did it. But that’s it. We’re done now. Get over yourself, Rowan.”
“I love you.”
“And I used to believe that,” Aelin snapped.
Rowan ground his jaw in frustration. “What do I have to do to prove that I care about you?”
“That’s just the thing,” Aelin hissed, voice quiet but angry. “There is nothing to prove. You could started acting like the perfect boyfriend, the man I thought I loved, and it still wouldn’t matter. We’re not good together, Rowan. We’re broken. We. Are. Fucking. Broken.”
Rowan took a step forward, every molecule in his body freezing as Aelin flinched. “Are you scared of me, Aelin?”
She shook her head, but she’d always been a bad liar. Rowan could see right thought it.
“I have never laid a hand on you in my life,” Rowan stated, voice devoid of human emotion. “Never.”
Fire swirled behind Aelin’s eyes. “I know that. But you didn’t have to.”
Rowan shook his head vehemently. “What the hell does that mean?”
Aelin’s chest was heaving. “Think about it, Rowan. Think about us. Remember how you were with me.”
He did. Because he was a fair person who cared enough to listen to Aelin, he did.
“Maybe you should stop hanging out with Dorian,” Rowan commented.
It was a joke. It had just been a joke.
“What?” Aelin asked. She looked confused.
“I mean, whenever you two are together you’re smiling more than you smile with me. It’s a little difficult to watch.”
Rowan shrugged as his lips twitched. She was supposed to laugh now, amused at the joke.
Aelin didn’t laugh.
“You should really learn how to cook something,” Rowan said, watching in amusement as Aelin reached for the Chinese takeout menu, and not for the first time this week.
“Gods, Rowan, if you’re so sick of eating takeout then make something yourself.”
Aelin stormed off. And Rowan had clearly been the right one in that conversation, because after Aelin didn’t like his suggestion and decided to make a fuss about it and be a bitch, Rowan let her leave and didn’t bring it up again. Because he cared about her.
And finally, the day everything went up in flames:
Aelin tipped her head back and laughed. Rowan watched this little spectacle from afar. Until she got so loud that his boss’ boss looked over and that’s when Rowan had had it.
“Aelin, come with me,” Rowan said as he grabbed her hand. Gently. He had grabbed her hand gently.
Aelin frowned, but didn’t protest. She would have protested if she wasn’t okay with this. Rowan knew her.
They made it outside the building and both of them stopped. They weren’t waiting to go all the way back to the apartment this time.
“Maybe I need to stop bringing you to these things,” Rowan said, running his hand through his hair.
Aelin frowned. “Why? Am I embarrassing you?”
“No, Aelin, of course you aren’t. But you are bothering my coworkers, and I don’t want them to look down on me because of my girlfriend.”
She snorted. “That’s the literal definition of embarrassment,” she slurred.
“No, there’s a difference between being embarrassed by someone and logically not wanting to have someone with you for strategic purposes.”
Aelin laughed incredulously, and Rowan wondered if she still didn’t understand. But the next thing that came out of her mouth made him the one who couldn’t comprehend what was happening.
“We’re done.”
“What?”
Aelin smiled, but it wasn’t a happy thing, it was twisted and sad and so many other emotions, some of which Rowan couldn’t even name. “I’m breaking up with you.”
A moment of shaky silence passed as Rowan held eye contact with Aelin. Finally, he said, “We’re going home now.”
Aelin scoffed. “Don’t you hear me?”
“You’re drunk, Aelin.”
A tear slid down Aelin’s cheek and Rowan stepped forward to console her, for that’s what he’d always done when she was upset.
But Aelin stepped backward. “Go home. Get your things. Get out.”
Rowan sighed. “Aelin, seriously—”
“No!” she yelled, and Rowan glanced back at the party he’d just emerged from, worried someone might have heard her. “You don’t get to ignore me! Get the fuck out of my apartment. Now!”
“No,” Rowan snapped.
Aelin seethed. “Well, I guess I’ll just have to get your things out on my own.”
She snatched the keys from his hand and took off toward the car, but Rowan’s head was swimming enough that he could only stand there, frozen, for a solid thirty seconds as she climbed in the driver’s seat.
Then he started moving. “Aelin, stop this. Calm down. You’re overreacting and I need you to get out of the car.”
Aelin held the wheel tightly as she hastily locked the car. She didn’t bother buckling in before the car jerked backward. Rowan raced to the other side of it and blocked it from leaving the parking space.
Aelin must have had more to drink than Rowan originally noticed, for instead of stopping like the sensible woman he’d thought her to be, she slammed on the gas and went over the grass, swerving and turning back onto the pavement farther down. Aelin narrowly avoided a lamppost as she got onto the road and started speeding down the street.
Rowan could only watch, mouth agape and heart stopping altogether.
“I can’t think of a single thing I did to provoke something like that from you, Aelin.” Rowan’s hands were clenched into fists. “You just started acting out for no reason at all. I wasn’t the one behaving poorly.”
“There were signs,” Aelin breathed, voice riding the edge between stability and insanity. “There were so many warning signs.”
Rowan opened his mouth to protest, but before any sound could come out, Aelin’s so-called boyfriend walked up to her. She was at the corner of a shelf, and the men were on either side of it, meaning Sam hadn’t yet noticed him. Rowan wanted to step forward and beat some sense into the man, show him who Aelin really belonged to, but Aelin spoke before he could step forward.
“Hey, babe. I found my book. Ready to leave?”
The man grinned. It was a snarky little look, and Rowan knew he’d look better with a fist in his face.
“I am.”
Aelin stepped closer to him and farther from Rowan, then paused. Her tactic had originally seemed to be getting Sam away from Rowan as quickly as possible, but now she stance took on a different posture.
Rowan had never wished he could see inside her head more than he was now.
Aelin didn’t even look his way. “I love you, Sam.”
Rowan froze. He didn’t need to know anything about their relationship to know that was the first time Aelin had told Sam that. Not just from the delight on his face, but from the way Aelin spoke. Rowan could feel it in his bones.
She was spiting him. This could easily be discussed anywhere else, at any other time, but Aelin chose to say it now, with Rowan hovering in the background. It was a message to him, to stay away. It was hateful. It was cruel.
Something splintered in Rowan’s chest.
Sam was saying something, presumably a reciprocation of those three words, but Rowan didn’t hear it. His ears were buzzing.
Aelin took ahold of Sam’s arm and started for the checkout desk.
She didn’t look back.
———
Tag List:
@aelin-bitch-queen
@evolving-dreamer
@feysand-loml
@flora-shadowshine
@gracie-rosee
@infernoqueen19
@julemmaes
@lemonade-coolattas
@live-the-fangirl-life
@midsizewitch
@morganofthewildfire
@nehemikkele
@realbookloverproblems
@rhysandswingspan
@rowaelinismyotp
@rowanaelinn
@sexy-dumpster-fire
@sleeping-and-books
@story-scribbler
@swankii-art-teacher
@thenerdandfandoms
@yesdreamblog
83 notes · View notes
tricksters-captain · 3 years
Text
Colin Bridgerton Imagines - Champagne Problems
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AN: Anonymous requested Champagne Problems by Taylor Swift and Colin Bridgerton
(Want to request your own character and song inspired imagine? Send me an ask!!)
(Y/N) - Your/Name
(Y/L/N) - Your/Last/Name
Summary: Colin has been courting you since day of the social season but when it comes down to the hard decisions... you crack...
Pairing(s): Colin Bridgerton x Fem!Reader
Word Count: 1,717
Warnings: None, Angst
“My mother will not stop asking whether you will be attending her birthday ball this Friday eve as if you haven’t already accepted the invitation.” Colin complained as you strolled along the riverside. 
“Do you think she likes me?” You smiled up at the boy as you squeezed his arm lightly. 
“Likes you? I think she’s trying very hard to refrain from inviting you to her weekly afternoon tea that are strictly for Bridgerton women... and Penelope, of course.” Colin proclaimed which only made you roll your eyes. 
“I cannot imagine I am on Penelope Featherington level of acceptance just yet.” You stated. 
“Did you just roll your eyes at me?” Colin gasped, “A lady of the ton just rolled her eyes at a Bridgerton?” 
You laughed and shook your head at the boy. 
“Believe it or not, I have discovered that the Bridgerton boys are far less caring for proper lady behaviour than many may think.” 
“And what is that supposed to mean?” Colin cocked his eyebrow at you. 
“I am simply saying that you and your brothers don’t really care for all that is prim and proper behaviour.” You tried to explain. 
“Ah yes, well, once you have grown up with Eloise nothing can shock you.” Colin teased his sister which made you whacked his arm lightly.
“You should not be so cruel about your dear sister. Eloise is great company.” You scolded him playfully. 
“Hearing that is making me start to wonder whether I’ve been courting the right girl all along...” Colin frowned but you knew it was only banter. It didn't stop you from giving him another whack though. 
“If you keep hitting me in public people will start to see and brand you as an unladylike brute.” Colin warned you as he winced down at you. 
“I should think they’ll actually be wondering what on earth Colin Bridgerton could be saying that is forcing such a beautiful, sweet woman to hit him.” You quipped back. 
Colin only laughed and shook his head again. 
“I suppose this is a good moment to end our walk as I have to be meeting my brothers.” Colin halted in his step and faced you. 
“Mustn't keep the viscount waiting.” You smirked back at the man. 
“I’ll be seeing you tomorrow night then?” Colin lifted your hand to his lips and placed a small kiss upon your covered knuckles. 
“If you are fortunate I may make an appearance.” You quipped playfully. Colin already knew you wouldn’t want to upset Violet Bridgerton by not attending. 
“Until then.” Colin bid adieu and then left you to see his brothers. 
Your chaperone had been your lady’s maid who had been keeping a distance behind you two. 
You rejoined with her before returning to your home. 
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Friday evening swiftly arrived and soon you were sat in your carriage with your mama on your way to the Bridgerton house. 
“I wonder if he shall propose tonight.” Your Mama spoke up, drawing your attention away from the window and to her. 
“Who?” You questioned. 
“Don’t be daft! Mr Bridgerton, of course!” Your mother chuckled at your obliviousness.
“Colin?” You furrowed your eyebrows at her. 
“It is his mother’s birthday ball after all! It is the perfect event to welcome a new family member.” Your mother explained. 
“Yes but he wouldn’t want to take the evening away from his mothers celebrations.” You argued, a small ball of panic emerging in the pit of your stomach. 
“Please (Y/n)! Everyone knows that the best gift a Bridgerton could give their mother is a fiancé and even more so a love match.” Your mother exclaimed with a patronising amusement. 
You knew that Lady Whistledown had mentioned the possibility of a love match between you and Colin but it had only been a mere mention. Lady Whistledown very rarely spoke kindly about you and Colin otherwise. 
“Oh! We’ve arrived!” Your mother’s voice and the slowing of the carriage brought you out of your head and back to the present. 
You climbed out of the carriage and your mother was quick to get you inside the Bridgerton house. 
“(Y/n)!” Eloise practically jumped on you when you entered the ballroom. 
“Eloise.” You smiled at the girl as she took both of your hands. 
“Have you seen Colin yet?” Eloise asked with an excitement that only made you nervous. 
“Not yet, Eloise. I have only just arrived.” You smirked as Eloise realised she hadn't even given you a moment to wish her mother a happy birthday let alone see Colin. 
“Well I’m sure he’s around here somewhere.” Eloise turned to search the room. 
“I think I'll go speak with your mother first, El.” You excused yourself from Colins younger sisters presence and made your way over to Violet Bridgerton. 
“Thank you for the invite, Lady Bridgerton. I hope your family have spoiled you for your birthday today.” You embraced the older woman as she beamed a bright smile at you. 
“Thank you, dear. And how many times must I insist you call me Violet!” She scolded you to which you just smiled. 
“Have you seen Colin yet?” Violet asked, her eyes scanning around the room briefly before returning to your face. 
“No, not yet. I expect he’s by the refreshment table.” You knew that Colin had the biggest appetite out of anyone in the ton by far. 
“Yes, I expect so.” Violet laughed as she agreed. “I had to instruct my cook to double the quantity of food this year after Colin demolished half the refreshment table in ten minutes last year.” 
“Talking about me again, Mother?” Colin’s voice arose from behind you which caused you to spin around. 
“We were just wondering where you had gotten too.”” Violet informed her son as he bent down and kissed her cheek. 
“Well, if you’ll excuse me, Mother, I was actually making my way over here to ask Miss (Y/L/N) to dance.” Colin turned to you with bright smile that seemed to light up his whole face. 
“Oh don’t worry about me, it’s not like it’s my birthday ball after all.” Violet was only teasing her son. Colin had rolled his eyes which resulted in a small slap on the arm from Violet.
You took Colin’s hand and let him guide you to the dance floor. 
“You look absolutely beautiful.” Colin told you as his eyes ran over your dress. 
“You seem to say that every time you see me.” You retorted. 
“That’s because it’s true. Every time we meet you look beautiful.” Colin placed his hand on your waist as the band started up. 
“Thank you.” You felt your cheeks tinge pink at the honesty of Colin’s compliment. 
As the dance commenced, you let your eyes take in the room. 
All the Bridgerton siblings were in attendance which wasn’t surprising considering it was Violets birthday. No, the unusual thing was that all the Bridgerton siblings had their eyes on you and Colin. 
“What are you looking at?” Colin asked, “What could possibly be more interesting than me?” 
“Nothing.” Your eyes shot back to him. 
Colin noticed your face had drained of colour and you were looking rather unwell. 
“Are you unwell? What’s wrong?” Colin’s eyebrows dropped in concern. 
“Nothing’s wrong.” You responded just a tad too quickly for Colin to drop it. 
“(Y/n)...” Colin frowned. 
“I’m perfectly well. I assure you.” You steadied your breathing to seem more convincing. 
“If you insist.” Colin had to give in. 
You continued to dance but when you saw Colin start to appear a little nervous, you felt your stomach flip again. 
“(Y/n).” Colin started, “I have been your dance partner since the very first ball of the season. I can tell when there’s something bothering you or something is on your mind and so you can most likely tell when something is on my mind too.” 
You didn’t respond. 
“I had to visit my brothers yesterday because I had an important question to ask them. I wanted their blessing and then swiftly after, I visited your father...” 
You stopped dancing. Your heart was in your throat as Colin spoke. 
“Colin...” Your voice came out all strangled. 
“Please I have to say this, (Y/n).” Colin tightened his grip around your hands. 
But before he could continue, you had pulled your hands from his and fled the dance floor.
Colin couldn’t even chase after you. He was in shock. 
He looked over at Anthony and Benedict who both looked confused and concerned whilst muttering to each other. 
Colin left the dance floor and made his way through the door you had disappeared through. 
“(Y/n)!” Colin called after you as he caught a glimpse of your dress at the end of the corridor. 
He chased you until you finally stopped in the garden. 
Tears had stained your cheeks. 
“(Y/n)?”Colin stepped towards you but you stepped back. 
“Colin. Don’t.” You stopped him. 
“I don’t understand.” Colin uttered, looking hurt and addled.  
“Colin, I can’t marry you.” You were candid. 
“What? Why?” Colin only seemed to grow more and more upset. 
“I just can’t.” You shook your head completely unable to form words to explain how you were feeling in any sense. 
“When did you decide this?” Colin beseeched. 
“I don’t know! I just know I can’t marry you.” You couldn't stop the tears from streaming down your cheeks. 
“So what? You just let me chase you all these weeks?! Let me fall in love with you and then just decide you can’t marry me?!” Colin’s voice shook with anger and pain. 
“It’s not that simple!” You disputed. “I didn’t think––”
“––No clearly you didn’t think! What did you expect was going to happen at the end of this social season? That we would just part ways until the next?!” Colin’s voice had risen to almost shouting which you weren’t doubting was attracting. attention. 
“Colin.” A voice had said Colin’s name as you did. 
It was Anthony’s voice.
Colin turned to see his older brother with a face of stone. 
“Colin, go inside.” Anthony commanded to which Colin did with little argument (for once). 
You frantically wiped your face with the back of your hand. 
“I think it’s time you leave.” Anthony confronted you.
You agreed. 
AN: I don’t usually write for Colin but I actually really enjoyed it despite the sad circumstance 
153 notes · View notes
namjoonchronicles · 3 years
Text
please | jm
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↳ genre angst, established relationship
↳ words 3k
↳ summary there’s always setbacks in married couple. it had been quite clear that you and Jimin don’t see eye-to-eye about certain things and habits, but the secret to long lasting marriage, is how you fix what’s broken.
↳ warning mentions of miscarriage
↳ song taylor swift ‘champagne problems’, dean lewis ‘waves’, rihanna ‘complicated’, olly murs ‘you don’t know love’
Fast steps dashing across the hallway, the bathroom door blasted open. A pair of knees wearing damaged jeans, kneeling over the toilet. The toilet seat whacked open, hand gripping its sides dependently. He wretches. His torsos strained and his veins began to pop. Wet, frothy sound hits the water in the toilet bowl. You sped to the toilet, rubbing his back up and down, passing him a towel. But he wasn’t done. He continued to hold the toilet brims, vomiting every content in his stomach. The smell of alcohol wafted around the extent of the room. You hate to see him like this. It wasn’t a majestic view. With half his head buried in the toilet bowl, his ‘young & forever’ tattooed in the back of his arms, it wasn’t a pretty view at all. 
Flickering light on the hall. The stillness in the air. With the fridge light lighting the way, you pour a glass of water for him. When you return to the bathroom where he is, he is seated, backed away from the toilet bowl, leaning against the wooden cabinet door. Dirty blonde hair, loose white shirt and torned jeans, he wipes his mouth with the towel you gave. He glanced to the side where you stood idle, and flashed a cunning smile. Jimin dropped his gaze on his propped knee then let the back of his head hit the wood. Then he laughs, chuckling through his nose. But not in the way you know as happiness, more like bitterness. It reminded you everything Jimin is, was. He reeled you in with that same smile and that same pain. The way he charms, the way he spoke and the way he looked at you, he knew what he was doing half of the time, but this time, you took the time to figure out who, what he is. 
He had been feeling dreadful; half of himself all the time. Felt the need to fill the void inside him with as much alcohol he could, just to feel something. He comes home to you, but you’re not here. He needs the music louder than he thoughts so he frequented the clubs. He could have any girls he wanted in the place, but it wasn’t what he looked for. If anything, he was lonely but none of these companions would have suffice. He was afraid that if he started, he wouldn't be able to stop. Isn’t it enough hurt he’s caused you? With you pulling away at every advances he made, and the stranger in the bed situation every time he returns home to you alone, he gets frustrated from the thing you couldn’t talk about. 
To make matters much worse, he’d rather live like his dying next to you than live without you. It’s a puzzling thing, love. How it gutted you out and filled you in. How it makes you feel alive and dead at the same time. The things you would do for the ones you love is limitless. Death of love. How it seemed inevitable. 
You put on a toothpaste on his toothbrush, help him clean up. Took his shirt off, unbuckled his belt for him, and had him shed his jeans. Jimin never once took his eyes off of you when you did this. But he didn’t say a word. If he did, he must have said it in his head. It felt like he was raking your brain apart to put himself together. If anything, love was disdained in this household. When was the last time you held him? Or spoke to him? Or kissed his lips or loved him? Those days felt so far away. As you put away his clothes into the front load washing machine to wash, you protest that love too; is putting away one's clothes, is taking care of them when they’re drunk and half loved. He stepped into the shower, stood under the running water.  The hot steams of the water wafting up the ceiling, and he sighed. Water cascading down every inch of his skin, through his hair, down his earlobes, along his jaws and under his chin. Dimples of Apollo and Adonis belt well defined, he leans his forearm on the wall and lets his thoughts run. He mulls over how it used to be; you would join him in the shower, and be quite inseparable. Why is it so hard to be like that again?
Jimin fishes out a plain T to go to bed in. Unlike the nights before, he refused to take his pillows out and sleep on the sofa outside. Tonight, he is determined to get in the same bed his wife slept in. 
When you returned to see him in the bed, eyes shut and curled in a ball and laying on his side, you couldn’t lie, you wanted to keep him safe. You wanted to chase away everything he might fear and save him from anything that’s eating him alive. But you hated him so much. His party life and the cunning charming smile he would throw others. And then, there’s the reckless spending. The relationship feels like it’s going nowhere. He is never home and you feel like a stone. He is only getting the attention he needs, knowing he couldn’t get any at home. How could you blame him? How do you churn out the hurt and start talking to him, instead of running polar opposites from where he is?
“Murderer,” he said. You turned to him.
“How did you live your life knowing that you’ve killed me?” His eyelids fluttered open, and staring straight at you.
The pain in his voice shot through your heart, welling up your eyes as you remembered the things you both had done in the past. 
“I’ve killed you?” you asked him in gentle whispers, through broken voices, “Do you not see where this relationship is not going? Your partying, your spendings? Your utter disrespect to the foundation of this household? I hate seeing you drunk and still you do it…” You roughly wipe your tears away with the back of your hand. 
He caught your hand, and stead, gently thumb your cheeks. His eyes glided on you. You switched to your back, eyes holding at the ceiling as he moved closer to you, the tip of his nose poking the skin on your neck, inhaling your scent. His hand snuck underneath your thin fabric, and his lips peppered kisses around the expanse of your neck and shoulders, jaws and cheeks. 
“Please love me,” he pleaded, with his entire being.
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It must have been around mid-March, winter ended, and spring began. It was raining heavily, the raindrops splattered on the glass windows of the cafe you were in. The coffee half-drunken, sitting on its saucer by your right wrist. You were reading a piece on Franz Kafka, when blood dribbled down your philtrum and onto the pages of Die Verwandlung. You hurried to grab a tissue from under the saucer, causing the spoon to fall clattered on the marble floor and pulled the attention to you. The waitress came running to your side, squatting down to see if you’re alright. 
Now, at your close friends’ clinic, you patiently waited for her medical deduction of you. Her expressions are unreadable and the shame hasn’t subsided either, for you. You came to give her a gift you’ve bought her but she insisted to have her time with you by checking your wellbeing. Once she’s crossed out that you’ve been working hard, her furrowed brows and thinking forehead lines begin to soften. 
“When was your last period?” 
Blink. Blink. 
“Your acne resurfaced, you have been having mood swings, you also had headaches and you told me about a smell I couldn’t sense,” she pauses, and smiles triumphantly at you, “Your hormones are changing… I am suggesting… possibilities of pregnancy?” She leaned forward, and stuck her hand into the drawer under her desk and took out a fresh box of test kit. She tapped it on her table, and propped an elbow to rest her chin on her palm and grinned. She winked at you and now is smiling so widely. Too widely. You took the kit and stood up. 
“There’s a loo over here, if you want some company…” she giggled.
You begin with a sigh. 
“How long am I in, do you think? I drank coffee almost everyday…” you spoke through the walls, echoes on the tiles but your best friend heard them very well, then you resumed, “But it can’t be, could it?”
“I don’t know, you’re the one having sex, you should remember…” she shrugged, leaning against the counter as you sat on the toilet bowl. Your smile didn’t last very long, and noticing this, she asked you.
“Is there something wrong?”
Your friends knew how much you wanted kids, and with the possibilities of having one now, you looked pretty upset. 
“Jimin’s… Jimin isn’t fit to be a father,” you confessed and when you did, a weight seemed to lift themselves off of your shoulder. Then comes the waterworks. You cried easily these days and it became close to annoying. You cried at sad commercials, at dog videos and a sight of cute things. Your friend comes kneeling next to you as you wait for the lines to develop. 
She rubbed your back, in effort to calm you down. 
“He isn’t home till late, and I get it, it’s because of his job but I feel so lonely sometimes and I think he doesn’t care about that… he just goes out with his friends and starts drinking, and he won’t answer the calls I make. It’s been awhile since we even had dinners together. Last week, a girl called the emergency number on his phone saying he was drunk laying flat on the floor and needed me to get him home…” you covered your face and started crying harder, “And that’s not even half of the shit he does…”
Jimin recently emptied half of your joined accounts to buy a leather jacket and bag he wants to be a gift to his friend. When you approached him about it, he said he was going to recover the money soon. He said many things and did it time and time again, and sometimes, you wished you could scream in his face to tell him to stop. The money could have been for the future, it could have been a start for a piggy bank for kids you might have, and if Jimin doesn’t stop his uneventful spendings, you would be eating from scraps. And there was no gentle way to say this, but to give him the cold shoulders. You don’t want to cry in front of a man that feels that it is okay to spend without asking their partners first. Taehyung might have loved that leather jacket, but you would rather the fridge filled with half the cost of that jacket. You could really eat well these days.
When the double line appeared, you cried even harder in the arms of your best friend. She cried with you too. Closed the clinic for the day so she could be with you. And pour out your heart contents, like a dam broke and it comes flooding. There were so many things you wanted to say, and you held back all these while to save whatever that you could save. But there’s just so much tolerance you could give and there’s just so much you could take. 
“My darling,” your best friend said softly, “You’re talking in circles.” Maybe it’s because your life was going in circles. With Jimin’s recurrent attitude and you continue to persevere at every receiving end, succumbing to your hurt, it was going in rounds. 
The car comes to a stop at the lobby, and the windows wind down. Your best friend stroked your hand through the window and held them tight. 
“Talk,” she advised, “Tell him how you feel… Be strong.”
I can’t be strong and tell him how I feel at the same time.
The car sped off and you walked into the lobby. You walked into the lobby and suddenly felt cramping on your torso. You had to clutch over the handrail as you stood in the elevator, people coming in starting to support you, asking you what happened. They helped you call Jimin over but the calls don’t get through until their third try. With the loud music, Jimin couldn’t hear the phone. He went to remind himself that he had to track a new order of a bomber jacket he bought online to see how long it takes to get here when he saw your name flashing on the caller ID. He excused himself, brushing knees with three to four ladies on the sofa where he was before sprinted outside to catch the call. 
So here he is, arriving at the level and jogging to where you are. 
“Why are you leaving your wife alone when she’s unwell…” the crowd dispersed but it was clear that the comments were thrown by an uncle that was there. Jimin carried you bridal style and got the door open before laying on the bed. He brushed your hair out of your face. 
“It’s just the cramps…” you lied.
“Those monthly cramps right? Nothing serious?” He repeated. 
You nodded. He doesn’t look like he wanted to stay there any longer. He is rushing to get away it seems.
“So…” he drawled, “If you’re alright now, and there’s nothing serious, I should remind you that I bought a bomber jacket and it’s expected to arrive soon… I’m best going because the birthday boy is coming around midnight, you’re alright right?” He is already at the door frame, walking sideways, mashing his lips together and looking at the time and then his phone. His face shone by the light from the screens, his jawline, his attentions, how handsome he looked and you tried so hard to not break right there and then. You turned the other way and said that you’re fine. You clenched your eyes shut and you felt him breathing next to you, a faint scent of nicotine on his shirt and a light kiss on your hair. 
“Please love me…” you begged, placing your palm on your tummy where the baby is. Just as desperately.
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It shouldn’t have been difficult to ask for affection with your significant other. And yet. It just had been a while since you spent time together. Asking for his time after a while felt awkward. But when he smiled, and he smiled so bright, you felt a tinge of confidence. It felt like he, too, was waiting for the invitation. 
“What’s the occasion?” He asked, with a shy smile. 
“It’s just been a while since we spoke…” you set out saucers and poured him tea. 
I want to tell you everything. Everything I have and all that I carry with me. I am going through a hard time, and I want you to be there.
“You’re pregnant…” his eyes became so round and his accusation turned into fact. Since you took the time to confirm them, he was certained. That you are indeed carrying his child. 
You hung your head low and began to sob. Jimin stood up immediately from his chair, he held your shoulders and his hand raised up to your neck, then he thumbed your cheeks to slowly lift your face up.
“I lost it, the night you left for Taehyung’s party…I didn’t know how to tell you,” you begin explaining frantically, but Jimin gathered your head under his chin and he softly held the back of your head, cradling you. You shuddered against his body, shivering like you’ve walked in the cold and finally found warmth. His eyes stunned and unblinking until tears wells up on its own. His nose turned red and he sobbed gently. As you grew limp in his embrace, he held you tighter, firmer--as if making up for the nights he couldn’t hold you close. Or when he is too occupied with things that aren’t his family. He was punishing himself for what he couldn’t control and things he couldn’t say. After the cramps you felt, there was blood on the sheet that you lay in. You’ve bawled alone on the bed, cradling the bloodied lump, knowing full well that you’ve suffered a miscarriage. 
You have lain in bed for the rest of the evening after the reveal. Jimin had been home and holding your hands and refused to be parted from you. He laced his fingers in yours and thumbed your knuckles while he smiles at the TV show. He even laid with you, holding your tummy and whispering gently, encouraging you to eat and giving out ideas on what to eat. He offered to cook and to tidy things up. He washed the plates in the sink and kept your body warm with his own. 
“It’s my fault,” he began, “If I was home more often, I would have noticed…”
“Jimin…” you protested weakly.
“I wasn’t as attentive as I should be, I will become better now…” he decreed, “Whether you like it or not, I will be home.”
“I’d like that…” you hummed to yourself, and it seemed he heard it quite clearly, because he smiled and returned to wipe the plates dry and arrange them on the plate drying rack. 
Maybe, you don’t always have to tell. Maybe, he could just see.
.
.
.
.
Copyright © January 8th, 2021 namjoonchronicles do not repost, leave feedback :’) please
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letsperaltiago · 4 years
Text
a little late but either way here comes peraltiago father’s day-headcanons:
mac is just about 8 months old and has gotten pretty good at sleeping through the night by this point. but this fine morning, a sunny june-morning, knowing it’s his daddy’s first official father’s day Mac is excited to kick off the day and starts making gurgling-scream-wordlike sounds at 5 am. His repetitive “dah. duh. daaah” obiously means daddy, Amy utters half-asleep prompting Jake to get up before falling back asleep. 
When Jake reaches his son’s crib he’s met by his favorite view, one that will forever make him melt. Mac is kicking and waving around every little limb of his and immediately smiles upon seeing his dad’s tired face appear above him. “Hey, bud. You calling me, huh?”. The infant screams in return earning him a laugh from his dad. Father and son alike
Jake picks up Mac, gives him a morning kiss and hug before bringing him back to bed with him to (hopefully) sleep for a bit longer. He places Mac in between him and Amy lying on his side smiling tiredly at his gurgling son as he dozes back to sleep to the sound of his son talking to himself. Once in a while he’ll feel a tiny hand whacking his face or tugging on his curls but after 8 months it’s a feeling Jake’s gotten used to (almost) sleep through
Next time Jake wakes up, fully, it’s almost 10 AM and the bed beside him is empty and he momentarily freaks out at the absence of his son. Though he quickly notices Amy too is gone, notices the smell of pancakes and thus quickly puts 2 and 2 together.
Upon entering the kitchen he’s met by Taylor Swift’s “Mine” softly playing in the background, meanwhile Amy is by the stove flipping pancakes whilst confidently, as if she was born to, resting Mac on her hip. “Sleeping past 7 AND breakfast? What have I done to deserve this?” Jake jokes before giving both Mac and his wife a good morning kiss.
“Go sit and we’ll tell you in a minute” Amy orders with a knowing smirk and Jake can only oblige although he’s always slightly worried whenever she tells him to leave her alone doing secret stuff in the kitchen (in the few years they’ve lived together they’ve already had to change the stove once and used two fire extinguisher). Nonetheless he sits down on the couch.
minutes later Amy joins him with one arm around their son on her hip and the other hand holding a plate with pancakes in the shape of DAD surrounded by small pieces of fruit because balanced diet i key. “Happy father’s day, daddy,” Amy says in a silly voice acting as Mac. Mac squeals loudly as if he understands what’s going on and the moment causes tiny tears to appear in Jake’s eyes. He grabs Mac from Amy and gives the baby a long tight hug whilst his lips are attached to the dark, tiny curls forming on top of his son’s head. Afterwards he kisses Amy who’s sat down by him on the couch. “Thank you. This is the best… I love you both so much,” he says with a shaky voice but smiles widely. “We love you too and are so thankful to have you aka. dad nr. uno in the world.”
After suffering some teasing about her cooking skills, Amy offers Jake the breakfast plate and the three of them share a few bites of pancakes and warm coffee on the couch, Mac still in Jake’s lap and Amy leaning against her husband’s side, as Paw Patrol plays on the tv.
After a lazy morning playing with their son and putting him down for an after lunch-nap, the family go for a walk in the park and enjoy a calm day out. This is when Amy (and Mac, of course) give Jake his second gift aka. “his first official dad-mug”, Amy says, which is a white mug with Mac’s handprints in dark purple paint and the text ‘World’s coolest dad’ on it. It’s safe to say that another tiny tear escapes Jake’s shiny eyes and he is once again hit by the fact that his tiny family is the best thing in the entire world and he is indeed the luckiest human being alive.
Later that night, after picking up dinner at Jake’s favourite take-out place and eating on the couch, Jake is the one to put Mac to sleep. The task turns out to be very easy as he’s already dozed off in Jake’s arms whilst him and Amy had a late dinner after feeding Mac. Before carefully putting him down in his crib Jake presses a long kiss to his baby boy’s head and tells him “I love you so much. Thanks for the best father’s day so far. Can’t wait to be around for so many more.” 
Then, after making sure he’s tugged in and still asleep he makes his way back to the living room, baby alarm in hand, where his wife awaits him wearing lingerie he’s definitely not seen before and thus a way more… x-rated father’s day gift. Jake could sure get used to being celebrated like this once a year.
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Sethkeda "I'd Lie"
Notes: I've had this for about four years or so now. I never finished it but now I have. Song is I'd Lie by Taylor Swift (unfortunately still unreleased). The joke I saw on Facebook earlier today.
Tag Squad: @lilmissriottbliss
I don’t think that passenger seat
Has ever looked this good to me
He tells me about his night
And I count the colors in his eyes
Takeda slid into the passenger seat, smiling at Seth. Seth gave Takeda a grin back.
“So how was your night?” Takeda asked, sitting back.
“Pretty good,” Seth said, flashing Takeda a bright smile. Takeda smiled back, momentarily stunned by how beautiful Seth’s eyes were. They weren’t just a normal brown color, there was so much more to them. They were warm brown, a few hints of a golden color, and so beautiful.
He’ll never fall in love he swears
As he runs his fingers through his hair
I’m laughing 'cause I hope he's wrong
“So, your sister picked up her girlfriend?” Seth asked, raising an eyebrow. Takeda chuckled, nodding.
“Yeah, as much as I like hanging out with them, they get too lovey-dovey,” Takeda said with a shake of his head. As much as he enjoyed seeing his sister happy and in love, he always felt like a third wheel when he hung out.
“I’m never going to fall in love,” Seth said, running his fingers through his hair with a laugh. Takeda let out a laugh, somewhat forcedly. He was hoping Seth was wrong about that.
And I don't think it ever crossed his mind
He tells a joke, I fake a smile
But I know all his favorite songs
And…
Inside, Takeda felt hurt. He didn’t think that it ever crossed Seth’s mind, the way that he felt about him.
“Oh, I need to tell you a joke I heard last night,” Seth said.
“Tell,” Takeda said, settling back into his seat. Seth grinned.
“So I saw this on Facebook actually. A dog named Holland Jagger goes to the bank and asks to take out a loan. The bank teller, a woman named Patty Whack, looks at the dog and asks ‘okay, I guess we can help you with that. May I ask what your name is?’. so the dog told her his name. Patty recognized the Jagger name and asked if he had any relationship to Mick Jagger. The dog replied that Mick Jagger is his father. Patty nodded and asked ‘Do you have anything for collateral?’. The dog pulled out a small, pink ceramic elephant and handed it over. Patty was confused and told the dog that she wasn’t sure if they could accept it. Calmly, the dog told her that the manager knows his father and to ask him. Patty went to the manager and told him ‘Sir, there is a dog outside who is trying to get a loan from us. He says that his name is Holland Jagger and is trying to use this weird elephant as collateral.’ The manager takes the figurine and explained, ‘So what’s the problem. It’s a knick-knack Patty Whack, give the dog a loan. His old man is a Rolling Stone’.” Takeda forced a smile onto his face, personally he thought the joke was a bit cheesy. Seth grinned back and turned up the radio, it was one of his favorite songs. Takeda knew all of his favorite songs. Every single one.
[Chorus:]
I could tell you his favorite color's green
He loves to argue, born on the seventeenth
His sister's beautiful, he has his father’s eyes
Takeda knew so much about Seth. He knew that Seth’s favorite color was green. But not the bright jade green of Takeda’s sister. More of a darker, forest green. He knew that Seth loved to argue and that his birthday was on the seventeenth. Takeda knew Seth’s sister, both his biological sister Jillian and his foster sister Bobbi, was beautiful. Even though Takeda had never met Seth’s father, he had seen pictures and could see the similarity in the eyes.
And if you asked me if I love him,
I’d lie
As much as Takeda felt for Seth, there was one thing he would lie about. To everyone and anyone. If anyone asked him if Takeda loved Seth, he’d lie.
He looks around the room
Innocently overlooks the truth
It was a Valentine’s Day party, just a small one. Seth was there with his sister Jillian and their brother Trevor. Takeda was by the drinks, looking over at Seth. While the other couples were hanging out, Seth was just leaning against the wall. He didn’t realize how Takeda felt.
Shouldn’t a light go on?
Doesn’t he know that I’ve had him memorized for so long?
Takeda wished that Seth would realize the truth. That he could see the truth. That he could see that Takeda had him memorized in all of the best ways.
He sees everything black and white
Never let nobody see him cry
I don’t let nobody see me wishing he was mine
Takeda knew how Seth thought, how he felt like things were in black and white. How he felt he needed to be strong, so no one would ever see him cry. And like Seth never letting anyone see him cry, Takeda would never let anyone see how he wished Seth was his.
[Chorus]
He stands there, then walks away
My god if I could only say,
"I’m holding every breath for you..."
Takeda watched as Seth pushed away from the wall, walking away. Takeda’s heart ached, wishing he could tell Seth how he felt. He wished he could tell Seth that he was holding his breath for him. That he wanted him.
He’d never tell you but he can play guitar
I think he can see through everything but my heart
Takeda knew that Seth played guitar, and was good at it. The two of them liked to jam when they were hanging out. Takeda on drums. Seth on guitar. Takeda’s sisters, Jade and Mileena, would occasionally join with Jade on vocals or guitar and Mileena on whichever one Jade wasn’t. He also knew that Seth could see everything, almost everything. Seth was the first to see how in love Jade was with Bobbi, but he could never see how in love Takeda was with Seth.
First thought when I wake up
Is "My god, he’s beautiful."
So I put on my make-up
And pray for a miracle
Takeda woke up, the first thought on his mind was the same as always. He thought of Seth, and how much he loved Seth. How insanely attractive Seth was. How beautiful. Taking a quick shower, Takeda put on the small amount of makeup he wore. He didn’t wear much, but growing up with two sisters had him using concealer and other foundational makeup. He hoped maybe today, Seth would feel for him.
Yes, I could tell you his favorite color's green
He loves to argue, oh, and it kills me
His sister's beautiful, he has his father’s eyes
And if you asked me if I love him
If you asked me if I love him
I’d lie
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imiebean · 3 years
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Tagged by @neighborhoodspaceman (5 days late ik but I was busy)
Rules: Answer 30 questions and tag blogs you want to know better or whoever you like!
1. Name/Nickname: @imiebean is close enough to my real name
2. Gender: female but I dabble in she/they territory
3. Star sign: cancer sun, gemini moon, taurus rising
4. Height: 5'9"
5. Time: 13:12
6. Birthday: July 20
7. Favorite Band: Nirvana/ABBA
8. Favorite Solo Artist: Lorde/Mitski
9. Song Stuck in My Head: happiness by Taylor Swift
10. Last Movie: Pacific Rim (it's a comfort movie and I've been having a bad week)
11. Last Show: genera+ion on HBO
12. When I Created This Blog: November 2013 and I've been trapped in this Hotel California since
13. What I Post: lawblr stuff, personal complaints, memes
14. Last Thing I Googled: deadass? "genera+ion cast"...idk if I blame my bisexuality or my ADHD
15. Other Blogs: Never a better time for self-promotion! my fandom blog: @imiefan; my aesthetic blog: @imiebeansblog
16. Do I get asks: Not really? I wouldn't mind them tho
17. Why I Chose My URL: I was trying too hard to be cool, massively overshot it and ended up being lamer than ever.
18. Following: 504 (I know I need to go through and do a mass-exodus but I'm busy)
19. Followers: 318
20. Average Hours of Sleep: Anywhere from 4-9 hours, my sleep schedule is whack
21. Lucky Number: 12
22. Instruments: I played the flute for like 8 years
23. What I Am Wearing: The same shorts I've been wearing for 2 days (it has been a rough week ok) and sleep shirt
24. Dream Job: Despite my being in law school, dream job is actually screenwriter/film director
25. Dream Trip: I want to do like a 3 month long road trip to all the national parks in the US and hike them all
26. Favourite Food: red velvet milkshake
27. Nationality: Unfortunately British but I'm an official expat who has been in the US for almost 8 years now
28. Favourite Song: Somebody to Love by Queen
29. Last Book I Read: Last one I finished was The Song of Achilles by Madeline Miller. Currently working through The Invisible Life of Addie LaRue by V. E. Schwab.
30. Top 3 fictional universes I would love to live in: Twilight just for the potential that daddy Cullen could adopt me; Star Trek AOS because I'm a huge fangirl and would def join Starfleet; and, the MCU just cuz of all the cool technology they have access to that doesn't exist in reality.
With your powers combined, I tag: @maximus-gluteus @biglawbear @cattorneyatlaw @femalegothic
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harrysbbby · 5 years
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You Belong With Me - Peter Parker x Reader
hey guys, sorry it has taken me so long to upload something new but uni has been killing me so... hope you enjoy!
Based on this request from anon:  A peter parker x reader fic based off the song “you belong with me” by Taylor swift!!
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You met Peter Parker when you had moved into your new apartment in Queens, New York. After you and your parents had reappeared from the blip, you discovered that your beloved family home had been inhabited by someone else. Hence you were forced to move into this tiny apartment as it was the only thing the real estate could find you, especially since so many people had been displaced.
You were walking up the stairs, carrying one of your final boxes, listening to your mother trying to convince you that this would be a good thing- you’d be able to start a fresh, make some new friends at your new school. As she reached the last step you saw a woman with long brown hair step to the side.
“Oh I’m so sorry, I didn’t see you there,” your mother said as she peered over the boxes she was carrying. The woman smiled pleasantly.
“No problem whatsoever, darling! Would you like a hand with your boxes?” she asked. Your mother immediately accepted the offer, especially after trudging up and down the stairs all day. The woman grabbed the top box off of your mother and help the two of you into your apartment as she introduced herself.
“I’m May. I live in the apartment next door.” She smiled as she placed the box on top of the others.
“I’m Sandy, and this is my daughter (Y/N).” your mother said, gesturing to you.
“It’s lovely to meet you both,” May said. “I think my nephew’s about the same age as you, (Y/N). I’ll see if he can help us with some of your things.”
May moved out into the hallway and opened up their apartment door to call for her nephew.
“Peter! Can you come help me please?” She shouted down the hallway. A few moments later a very attractive boy about your age stepped out in to the hall.
He was very pretty, with a mop of brown hair covering his head and deep brown eyes. You felt your heart skip a beat as he smiled at you and introduced himself.
That was a little over a year ago now. You became good friends, as not only were you neighbours, but you attended the same school. You developed a mild crush on the boy but this dissolved a little after he returned from the school science trip with MJ as his girlfriend. It was a little bit disappointing at first, but you knew the two of them well so you were happy for them. But that’s also why you weren’t surprised when by the end of the summer, they had called off their relationship. There was nothing wrong, just that their goals were both so large that balancing that with a relationship just wasn’t reasonable.
You tried to hide your excitement of the possibility that you and Peter could possibly go out. Over the year and a half or so you had known him you had gotten to know each other really really well. You would study together, meet each other on the fire escape outside both of your windows
He had confided in you about his biggest secret… well accidentally. He had been trying to sneak back into his room via his window when you saw his body, clad in his black and red Spider-Man suit scaling the wall.
He tried to deny it was him at first but he knew you weren’t one to let things pass. So you become someone he could turn to during all of his Spidey escapades.
That’s why it was so surprising when Peter started dating Sally Avril. You would’ve thought that she was… not his type. She was a gymnast, and head cheerleader and very very popular. She was smart, obviously because she went to Midtown, but was never as concerned with her studies as Peter was.
She was however, obsessed with Spider-Man, which made you wonder whether Peter liked her, or liked how she liked his alter ego.
As you sat with your widow slightly ajar, letting the brisk breeze flow into your room on a particularly warm fall evening, you could hear Peter talking sternly on the phone.
He was trying to reason with her- “No it was a Joke! Sal- no I don’t think that of all cheerleaders!”
When Peter has whacked out this particularly hilarious albeit controversial joke at lunch earlier today, you, Ned and MJ had cracked up laughing. Sally had huffed and strutted away from the table, forcing Peter to chase after her.
The laughter died down at the table as you watched the boy desperately try to catch up with his girlfriend. MJ rolled her eyes as she opened the book in front of her.
“She just does not get his sense of humour.”
It was a Tuesday night, as you sat on your bed working on your history paper due the next week. Music softly played from your speakers. You nodded your head along to the beat of “The Less I Know The Better” by Tame Impala. Your thoughts went to when you had shown your friends this song during one afternoon study session…
“You’ve never heard of Tame Impala?” you practically screeched, almost offended that your friends hadn’t heard of your favourite band.
“No never. Judging by your reaction that’s bad.” Peter laughed. You smiled at him.
“It’s not bad- you’re just missing out. Here, listen.” You grabbed out your phone, plugging in your headphones so as not to be too disturbing. You handed one to Peter and one to Ned as you pressed play on the song. Ned listened for a while before passing the earbud to MJ.
“Wow this is a good song!” Peter said, passing the headphone to Sally. You smiled at him, heart bursting at the fact he liked your music. Sally’s nose was turned up as she scoffed.
“That song is terrible. You must have tone deaf ears to like this shit.” She rose to her feet, grabbing her things before turning to Peter, “Come on, I’ll drop you home, baby.”
She swiveled in her place before making her way out of the library.
“I’ll see you guys later,” Peter said defeatedly, rushing to catch with her before she drove off without him. You sat back in your chair and sighed. Sally never liked you and was always, seemingly, trying to bring you down.
“Don’t worry about her,” MJ reassured.
“It’s not her I’m worried about.”
You heard small tap on your window. Looking up from you paper, you saw Spider-Man perched on your landing. You got up and made your way to the window, yanking it open as the figure took his mask off.
“Peter,” you sighed, “what is it this time?”
“Wow, nice to see you too neighbour,” he laughed as he clamoured, surprisingly uncoordinatedly into your room.
Peter had ‘told’ you about Spider-Man quite early on. Technically you caught him trying to sneak back into his apartment one night, but still, he trusted you, so he told you outright that he was Spider-Man. The two of you spent the rest of that night on the fire escape just talking, him explaining to you what had happened, and you assuring him that you’d always be there if he needed you.
As he went to stand at his full height, he winced and grabbed his ribcage.
“What is it? Did you get hurt?” you asked hurriedly, guiding him to sit atop your desk. You sat in your desk chair, helping him peel his suit off his body.
“Maybe,” he said through gritted teeth. You gasped as you saw this deep bruising on his right side a small ‘shit’ leaving your lips.
“I’ll go get some ice. Stay here an be quiet- my parents are home.
“Yes, ma’am,” he grunted, re-positioning himself on the desk. You return a few minutes later, an ice pack and other medical supplies in hand. You sat on your desk chair and scooted forward as you instructed him to hold the ice to the bruising, using your cloth to clean up a few scratches.
“Why are you here, Peter,” you asked, eyes focused on the work you’re doing. His brow furrowed.
“What do you mean?” he asked, genuinely confused.
“I mean,” you sighed, looking up at you, “why don’t you go to Sally for this kind of stuff. Peter huffed, before shrugging.
“Don’t know, I mean I haven’t even told her about this. I feel safer here,” he smiled at you, “Besides, you said you’d always be there for me.”
You nodded, going back to fixing up the wound you had previously been tending to.
Guess she doesn’t know his story like I do…
You were walking along the hall with Peter, eagerly chatting about a new robotics project you had coming up. Conversations flowed so easily with him. It was like the two of you clicked. You laughed at some stupid joke he said and thought, isn’t this easy? You couldn’t help but think this was how it ought to be. You and him. Not him and-
“Petey!” you heard Sally’s shrill voice echo down the corridor. She strutted up to Peter, heels clicking along the floor, mini skirt flowing in the wind (which you swear wasn’t there, like, who was using a fan in here?), reaching him before planting her gloss-covered lips on top of his.
You looked down at your feet to avoid having to look at them, shuffling your worn-out converse together. They separate and Sally’s shrill voice entered your ears once again.
“I won’t be able to see you tonight, we’ve got cheer tryouts tonight.”
“No worries, first night as cheer captain, how exciting!” Peter said excitedly, although you didn’t feel as though the emotion of his words was truly felt.
“I know!” she shrieked. Her smile dropped as she caught sight of you in her peripheral, almost disgusted that you were in her presence. “Why don’t you try out (Y/N)?” she said condescendingly, arm wrapping tightly around Peter’s shoulder as she pulled him closer.
Your lips form a firm line, as you shook your head slightly. “Sorry, prior commitment. I’m in the band.”
“Shame,” she said bluntly, with no indication that this information made her any kind of sad, “Well at least you’ll still be there I guess, on the bleachers. Anyway, bye babe, text me.” She planted a heavy kiss on Peter’s cheek before sauntering off once again, leaving Peter rubbing the lipstick stain left on his cheek. He smiled, and you felt as if it lit up the whole world…
“Are you okay Peter?” you asked quietly. You had both moved to your bed. You were holding the ice to his chest, giving him a rest so he could loosen his tension.
“Besides nearly being beaten to a pulp? Yeah, I’m fine.” He said nonchalantly. You shook your head and puffed out an exasperated laughed.
“That’s not what I mean.” You sat up in your spot, before shrinking a little after seeing his confused place. “I just, you haven’t been the same since… since you started dating Sally.”
Peter face dropped and you could see his eyes change to between somewhere between mad and caught-out.
“What?” he said sitting up, frustration clear on his face.
“You haven’t been the same Pete!” you tried to reason with him, “Your smile it’s so bright and happy… I haven’t seen it in a while since she’s brought you down.”
Peter scoffed, hopping off your bed and hiking his suit up his body a bit. He walked over to your desk grabbing his mask before making his way to the window.
“I’m fine,” he said defiantly.
“No, you’re not!” your voice growing louder, “I know you better than that! What are you doing with a girl like that?”
“Like what?” he said furiously, “one that likes me? Is nice and pretty and sweet?”
“That’s not what I..” There was eerily silence in your room as the only noise came from the ajar window that Peter had just crawled out of.
You sighed as your bottom lip began to quiver.
You belong with me…
About a week passed and you hadn’t seen Peter. He had been avoiding you in the apartment block and at school. You had also been avoiding him, spending your lunch breaks in the library. It was Friday before you got sick of sitting alone so you joined Ned and MJ at your usual table, Peter nowhere to be seen.
“Hey guys,” you said sitting down at the table.
“Haven’t seen you in a couple of days,” MJ stated. You sighed before asking,
“Where’s Peter?”
“Don’t know,” Ned answered, “he’s been distant, like you. Past couple of days.”
“Oh,” was all you could say. He’s clearly been avoiding you like you have him.
“I mean it isn’t surprising,” MJ stated, still not looking up from her book. She raised her cup of tea to her lips to take a sip. Just as the cup reached her lips she spoke again, “especially since Sally broke up with him or whatever.”
“What!?” you yelled. It gave Ned and MJ a fright, to the point she nearly spilt her tea. “When did this happen?”
“Calm down woman. Some of us enjoy having working ears,” MJ said, delicately placing her tea on the table as to not spill any, “like a few days ago. He’s pretty upset about it. We just assumed you know, and that you had been with him these past couple days…”
She trailed off as she realised this was clearly not the case. You huffed,
“No, I had no idea. We had a pretty big fight at the end of last week and I thought he was avoiding me…” you said, voice failing you at the end as you thought about how you had abandoned him this week.
“You better fix that, pronto,” Ned said. You rolled your eyes at him before taking out you sandwich, making the biggest mental note ever to visit Peter after school today.
You knocked on Peter’s front door. You heard footsteps approaching before the door swung open, revealing Aunt May.
“(Y/N), hi honey, how are you?” she asked sweetly.
“Good thanks May. Is Peter around?” As you finished your question you saw her turn around and look back inside the living room. She swung back around and gave you a sympathetic smile.
“No, sorry, he’s not home.”
“Oh, okay,” you said sadly, shoulders dropping. “Can you tell him I came by?”
“Of course,” she replied, shutting the door.
She turned around to her nephew who laid on the coach, still in his pyjamas from the night before.
“You have to talk to her Pete,” she said, wishing her nephew would see what was right in front of him.
“Don’t wanna,” he responded sulkily, turning over to burry his face in the pillow.
When you opened your eyes, the clock on your nightstand read 12:00. You groaned. Why did I have to wake up?
You heard a squeak come from your window and a figure crawling through. You turned on your lamp to see the reason you had been woken up in the middle of the night.
“Peter,” you sat up, rubbing your eyes tiredly, “what are you doing?”
You opened your eyes fully for the first time and caught sight of the boy. His hair was dishevelled, dark circles clad his under eyes and he was slouching where he stood.
You rose to your feet and your feet travelled you until you stood in front of him. You wrapped your arms around his torso, hugging him tightly. His face nuzzled into your neck.
“I’m sorry,” your voice came out barely a whisper.
“I’m sorry too,” he said. You pulled away from the hug and looked up at his face. He looked tired… and heartbroken.
“What happened?” you asked as you both made your way to the edge of your bed, settling onto it.
“She cheated on me.” His voice was soft, and full of upset.
“Oh Peter, I’m sorry,” you said, wrapping your arm around his shoulder.
“It’s not your fault. I should’ve listened to you. You wondered why I was with a girl like her. I thought she really did like me… but turns out she never did.” His voice broke a little towards the end. He brought his fist up to the bridge of his nose as his squinted his eyes shut. Your heart dropped seeing him so upset.
“Well, as least you never have to help her find a word that rhymes with Science for a school cheer again,” Peter let out a teary laugh, and laughed even harder when you started impersonating Sally, “Ready, OKAY!” you said, clapping your hands together.
He smiled as he pulled your clasped hands down to hold his.
“I think the thing that hurt the most was that I put so much time and effort and heart into her when I should have been putting it into someone who actually cares about me and understands me. You’ve been here all along (Y/N),” he said, looking deeply into your eyes. His hand came up to cup your face, bring you closer to his lips.
“I think I know where you belong Pete,” you whispered, only inches away from his face, “I think, I know it’s with me,” you said before meeting him in a passionate deep kiss.
a/n: lmao sorry if this is terrible idk but my brain just could not compute words while writing this. Feedback is always appreciated xx
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20 lessons I’ve learned before turning 20
According to my birth certificate, I’m turning 20 this year. Although some of the people I know would argue that I’m still five in my heart and others say I’m mature beyond my years. Who knows how old I really should be? Throughout the two decades, I’ve learned some very important things. These are far from all the things I need to know about life. When it comes to knowing how to do this very complicated task called living, I’m still a child that’s trying to walk and falling all over the place. And that’s okay. You live to learn, and you learn to live.
LESSON ONE: You more than likely won’t ever have everything figured out and it’s okay to not know. It’s okay to ask for help and there are no such things as stupid questions. You don’t need to be a know-it-all by 20, 30, 57, you don’t have to know (or pretend to know) everything even when you’re 80.
LESSON TWO: If you want a relationship…stop looking for a relationship. I know, I know. Sounds condescending. Throughout my teenage years I’ve had 10+ crushes and none of them turned into a relationship. The second I stopped trying, well, you all know what happened. That being said…
LESSON THREE: It is perfectly normal and okay to date or crush around when you’re a teenager. You don’t need to if you don’t want to, and I advise that you don’t deliberately try to, but it’s okay to have a new crush every two months. You are a teenager. Your hormones are complete and utter whack. You do you, boo, nobody can judge you.
LESSON FOUR: Not everyone is going to love you or even like you, no matter what you do. That is okay. It’s not your fault and you shouldn’t beat yourself up over it.
LESSON FIVE: It is never, NEVER too late to start doing something. I typed this lesson idea...at a gym. Yup. Finally decided to get my shit together, after 11 years of being as chubby as a teddy bear and only after my hip started screaming at me for not doing anything to keep fit. That brings me to…
LESSON SIX: It does not matter how skinny or chubby or whatever you are. Beauty is superficial. You can paint a new face on in an hour if you don’t like your current one. You can’t paint on a good personality though. Be good, damn it.
LESSON SEVEN: All that being said, don’t ever change anything about yourself because someone else told you to. The only person that has been and will always be with you is you. People change, love fades, friends leave. A troll on the internet told you to lose 10 kilos? You will more than likely never meet them again. Does it still seem relevant? Do it for yourself, not for a „shit, you got hot“. Or, better yet, say it to yourself. Every day. Because you are bomb af and I don’t give a shit what anyone else has to say.
LESSON EIGHT: You CAN love your studies. That’s right. You can love learning. All you have to do is do what YOU want to do. Not what mommy, daddy, granny said. I still get remarks about how I might not be able to do my job to the fullest because I can’t walk very long distances. Guess what, I’m still in university for journalism studies and nobody can’t force me to leave, even if they try. Because I want it. Because I chose to do it.
LESSON NINE: You. Can. Do. ANYTHING. I was never supposed to walk and guess what, look at me now. I couldn’t do math for sh*t, I despised it with all my heart and I still passed my math exam. I thought that I would never see Taylor Swift in real life. I. DID. And there are so many things that maybe I don’t think I could ever do as of right now, that I will do in five, ten, twenty years. Only because I don’t think about them as something I would even attempt yet.
LESSON TEN: What is meant to happen, will happen. Destiny is real. Yeah, we make the choices that we make, so you could say that our destiny is in our own hands, but I personally have encountered a very specific case of choice making that makes sense only in the long run. When you look at the specific choices that this person made separately and the circumstances of it all, it makes little to no sense. But now when I look back, I realize that it was all supposed to happen. Don’t kill your braincells over that failed math test (see, it haunts me, I have nightmares), it will be fine. Relax. Breathe. You’ll come out through the other side, most likely undamaged.
LESSON ELEVEN: Your hobbies matter. Your interests are not stupid. If it makes you happy and it does no harm to other people, do it. I had a dream for 10 years and it came true a year ago ONLY because I stuck with this curly headed blonde with a guitar for the last decade. I happy cried for weeks leading up to and after that one. I found friends for life because of fandoms and I love it. There’s a chance of me working as an entertainment journalist, all because I love concerts so damn much.
LESSON TWELVE: Stand for what you believe in. Always. If we all stop standing up for the minorities and unpopular opinions, many people will suffer. It is our responsibility, as people to stand up for the weaker. You have voice for a reason. Use it, speak on what you care about. The worst that could happen is people disagreeing with you. After all, those that disagree and have their arguments, lead to a discussion and discussions are good and those who just yell for the sake of being loud…do they really matter?
LESSON THIRTEEN: This is a really big one. You live once. So live the only life that you’re given to the fullest and you better have something to tell your grandchildren. I pretty much broke the door of Siemens arena trying to get front row at the Bastille gig when I was 16 years old and I don’t regret it. My idol drove me home from his own concert, ONLY because of a joke that one of my friends that was there spoke with her own mouth. I got to see the reality of one of the biggest star’s in Lithuania job and hear an unreleased track that later became a huge hit only because we went ahead and did something absolutely psychotic. I packed my bags and flew to London two days after my last exam just because there could’ve never been another chance. I grabbed the last ticket to a gig in the ENTIRE STADIUM only because I decided that I want it. Do it. Just make sure it’s legal so you don’t get in actual trouble.
LESSON FOURTEEN: You will have to kiss a lot of frogs before you know who your real friends are. Things and people change over time, you may become distant with someone you never thought you’d become distant with. Yeah, you thought you’d be friends forever, I get it. I know it’s hard to grasp. But honey, life happens and that’s okay. Someone you loved with all of your heart may do you so dirty that you’ll never want to see them again. You have every right to do so.
LESSON FIFTEEN: Your views will change over time. Be it political stance, ethical shift, anything. As long as that change happens based on research, learning and growth, I see it as something that should be encouraged and celebrated. Do your research. Educate yourself. Learn something new every day.
LESSON SIXTEEN: Be interested in politics. Vote. You’ll more than likely will live in a country you’re in at least for the next few years. I say, the future should be important to every citizen of every country. Put your input into saving the planet. If you have kids someday, they will live in the world we create now.
LESSON SEVENTEEN: Resist the urge to fight hate with hate. You will not always agree with people. People will not always agree with you. That doesn’t mean you should fight with someone who is hating on something you believe in. They will learn someday, if they want to learn. The truth is, they most likely don’t, and you trying to school them won’t really change much.
LESSON EIGHTEEN: Dream! Dream huge, dream impossible. Have ambitions larger than life itself. And never, you hear me, never let other people’s opinions knock you down. If you work hard enough, you can achieve anything you want, regardless of what anyone else has to say (refer to lesson number nine). That being said, see you at BBC World in 15 years. Or if I stay here, LRT. We’ll see, I don’t know that much about my future yet. The only thing I know is that nothing can stop me from going hard or going home.
LESSON NINETEEN: You do not have to fit into a mold. You are human, not a piece of clay. You like Disney? Cool! K-pop? Great! You’re a metalhead and you would dress all black in the summer if you had enough of black clothes? Awesome! What if you are all of those things and also a feminist animal right activist who loves pop music and writing? Congratulations, you are just like me. Let’s be friends and leave people confizzled together.
LESSON TWENTY: You are NEVER too old for Disney. That’s it. That’s the lesson. You are never too old for some Disney magic. Here, let me sprinkle some pixie dust on you. Done. You will now have a great day.
P.S. An additional lesson: never, I repeat, NEVER trust @taylorswift. She is always on to something.
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King of My Heart (Roger Taylor X Reader)
WC: 3842
Warnings: Swearing, drinking, sexual references and implied smut, she is a Long Fic bois I apologise. 
Summary: Y/N and Roger’s relationship, told through Taylor Swift’s ‘King of My Heart’.
A/N: This is a Very Early entry for @yourealegendfred ‘s almost 3k celebration. This is probably the fic I am proudest of so I really hope you guys like it.
BORHAP MASTERLIST
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I’m perfectly fine, I live on my own. I made up my mind, I’m better off being alone
“I’ve told you before, Brian. I don’t need a roommate.” Y/N said, frowning at her older brother’s fussing about. It was the September of 1969 and the beginning of the third year of Y/N’s English Literature degree. She had only just moved into a flat by herself and Brian was less than impressed. 
“Maybe you should move into halls. That way you’d at least have one girl living with you.” Brian said, causing his sister to groan, rolling her eyes exaggeratedly. 
“I worry about you, Y/N! You’re only 22 and London isn’t exactly the safest city. I’d rather you lived with someone.” Brian said, resting his hands on Y/N’s shoulders as he spoke to her. 
“Brian, I appreciate the protective older brother sentiment but if man can land on the moon, surely I can live in a tiny one bedroom flat by myself.” Y/N said, and Brian took in a deep breath, his hands falling by his side. 
“I can’t believe you used the moon landing against me.” Brian muttered, causing Y/N to let out a victorious squeal, hugging Brian tightly. 
“I knew it’d work. Thank you Brian!” Y/N said excitedly, so happy that she didn’t even complain about Brian ruffling her hair. 
“Now that that’s settled, I was going to head down to the pub for dinner. You want to come with?” Brian asked, and Y/N nodded, immediately searching for her purse. 
“I’ll pay, don’t worry Y/N. Besides, maybe you can meet a nice guy down there.” Brian said, raising his eyebrows suggestively as he leaned against the small kitchen bench. 
“Bri, how many times have I told you that I don’t want to date anyone right now! I’ve made up my mind and I’ve realised that I, Y/N Y/M/N May, am better off being alone.” Y/N said proudly, and Brian sighed, checking his pockets for his wallet. 
“Whatever you say, Y/N/N. Now, let’s go get some dinner, shall we?” Brian said, looping his arm through his sister’s as she closed the flat door behind them. 
“Yes, we shall.” 
We met a few weeks ago, now you try on calling me baby like trying on clothes 
It was December now, and Y/N was revelling in the semester break. Snow was falling gently as she sat on her couch reading, engrossed in her book. Suddenly the phone in Y/N’s flat began ringing loudly, causing her to set down her book and pick up the phone, fiddling with the cord. “Hello?” She said, sitting down on the kitchen bench. 
“Y/N, hi. How are you?” Y/N smiled at the sound of Roger’s voice, relieved that it was him who called. 
“I’m good, Rog. How are you?” Y/N said, shivering slightly as she clutched her dressing gown around her body. 
“Good, good. I was wondering if maybe I could come over? The heating in my flat is busted and I’m freezing my nuts off.” Roger said, chuckling slightly as he spoke. 
“Yeah, sure. I’ll have a cuppa ready for you, Taylor.” Y/N said, and the sigh of relief Roger gave caused Y/N’s cheeks to turn pink. 
“You are an angel, Y/N. I’ll see you soon.” As Roger hung up Y/N couldn’t help but think of all his recent calls. He called at least once a day, sometimes twice if he was feeling up to it. Given that they had only met properly a few weeks ago, she was curious as to why he called so frequently. 
Y/N made her way through the hustle and bustle of Kensington Market, a leather satchel slung across her body that bounced as she walked. Each and every stall had a unique allure to it, but Y/N hurried past them, trying to get to the closest tube station. “
I love your coat, darling.” A man called out from one of the stalls, causing Y/N to stop and swivel around to see if he was talking to her. 
“Yes, you. Satchel girl.” He said, and Y/N chuckled nervously, taking a few steps closer to the stall. 
“Thanks. It was my mum’s but it’s mine now.” Y/N said, fidgeting with the sleeves of her coat as the man eyeballed her. “
Well it’s lovely. Rog, don’t you think it’s a marvellous coat?” The dark-haired man said, whacking the arm of a long-haired blonde to get his attention. The blonde turned around, and Y/N looked at him with furrowed brows, trying to recall where she had seen him before. “
It’s alright.” He said, shrugging his shoulders as the other man gasped in offense. 
“Pay Roger no mind, darling. He’s in a rather bitchy mood today. I’m Freddie.” He said, extending a hand that Y/N shook calmly. 
“I’m Y/N, it’s nice to meet you Freddie. Did you say his name was Roger?” Y/N said, and Roger nodded, even though his back was facing her. 
“Roger… You wouldn’t happen to be Roger Taylor, would you? Drummer? Dental student?” Y/N said, hopefully putting the pieces together as Roger turned around, nodding slowly with an apprehensive look on his face. 
“Yes, I am. Do I know you at all?” Roger said, and Y/N shrugged, adjusting her bag as she looked at the man. 
“You might not know me, but you certainly know my brother. He’s your guitarist after all.” Y/N said, and Roger’s jaw dropped, a shocked laugh escaping his lips. 
“You’re Brian’s sister? Bloody hell, how come I’ve never seen you at rehearsals before?” Roger asked, Freddie rolling his eyes at the blatant flirting coming from his friend. 
“I don’t live with Brian, but if you want to see me at rehearsals just give me a call.” Y/N said, pulling a pen and spare piece of paper out of her bag, writing her number down and sliding it to Roger over the stall table, his eyes wide at her forwardness. 
“Now you’ll have to excuse me, gents. I have a train to catch. It was lovely meeting you both.” Y/N said, waving at them as she walked away, a smile on her face. 
“Well, Rog. It seems you’ve finally met your match.” 
Y/N shook the through from her head before quickly making two cups of tea, absentmindedly humming Christmas carols to herself as she moved around the kitchen. There was a sudden knock on the door and Y/N smiled, taking a sip of tea. 
“Door’s unlocked, Rog.” Y/N said, smirking as she saw a very rugged up Roger come bursting through her door. He let out a moan at the warmth of her flat, quickly shedding his snow-covered layers, his hair tousled from the beanie he was wearing. 
“Cuppa, as promised.” Y/N said, passing the mug to Roger with a smile. He took a large drink, sighing as he felt some warmth return to his body. 
“God I could kiss you right now.” Roger said, and Y/N’s eyes widened at his statement. She knew that Roger was attractive from their first meeting, she wasn’t blind, but it wasn’t until the last week or two that she started to realise that she might have feelings for the blonde drummer. 
“You, uh, what was that Rog?” Y/N squeaked out, her cheeks a bright crimson as her gaze fell anywhere but Roger. He gave her a curious look before realising what he had said, and he began stammering, trying to fix the situation but only making it worse. 
Y/N took a deep breath and leaned forward, pressing a quick kiss to Roger’s lips to silence him. The kiss was over as quickly as it had started, but both of them were blushing and there was an electricity in the room. 
“You taste like tea. Not that I’m complaining.” Y/N said, laughing nervously at the close proximity between her and Roger. He just rolled his eyes, bringing Y/N back in for another kiss.  
Salute to me I'm your American Queen, and you move to me like I'm a Motown beat, and we rule the kingdom inside my room 
Y/N’s eyes opened slowly, feeling extremely content and surprisingly warm. Her gaze moved down, and she noticed Roger, his blonde hair fanning out around his head like a halo. 
He was still peacefully sleeping, his arm around Y/N’s waist and their legs entangled. His bare chest was pressed up against her back, and she could feel it move up and down as he breathed. 
Memories of last night flooded into her head, and a proud smile drifted onto her face. There were marks down Roger’s back and neck, and she was very certain similar ones decorated her body, courtesy of the sleeping blonde. 
Y/N began playing with Roger’s hair, noticing how calming it felt to run her fingers through his soft blonde locks. In that moment, Y/N felt as though her tiny room was a kingdom of some type, and after last night her and Roger had become its rulers. 
Roger stirred, opening his eyes and smirking when he saw Y/N. “Good morning, love.” Roger muttered, pressing a lazy kiss to Y/N’s lips which she returned happily. 
“Morning, blondie. You hungry?” Y/N asked, and Roger gave her a devilish smirk, pressing feather-light kisses down her neck and jaw. 
“Yes, there is definitely something I’m hungry for.” Roger said playfully, raising his eyebrows as Y/N swatted at him gently. 
“I’m flattered, really, but I meant more like toast or cereal or something.” Y/N said, and Roger chuckled, resting his head on her shoulder as she sat up. 
“I’ll take some toast seeing as you’re offering.” Roger said, and Y/N nodded, bending down to pick up her underwear and Roger’s button up, slipping them both on. 
“Ok, you look illegally good in my clothes. Now I don’t want you to make breakfast, I want you here with me.” Roger whined, grabbing at Y/N’s wrist as she stood up. 
“Those baby blues may work on most girls, but you need to put in some more work with me. I’ll see you in the kitchen, Taylor.” 
'Cause all the boys and their expensive cars, with their Range Rovers and their Jaguars, never took me quite where you do 
“I would like to raise a toast. To music, to friendship, and to Her Majesty, Queen!” Y/N shouted, sloppily touching her glass with everyone else’s. Y/N, her brother and his new bandmates were at their local pub’s New Year’s Eve party, celebrating the turn of the year and the beginning of the 70’s. 
“Does anyone want a top up?” Y/N asked, collecting empty glasses off Freddie and Roger who both nodded eagerly at the thought of another drink. 
“I’m good, Y/N. Just be careful, ok?” Brian said, and Y/N nodded, a confused look on her face as she weaved past people to get to the bar. She ordered the drinks before sitting down on a bar stool, finally giving her aching feet a break. 
“You look exhausted.” Y/N turned around, nodding at the stranger’s statement. 
“I am. New Year’s is fun and all but god at what cost, you know?” She said, and the man sitting opposite her laughed, nodding his head in agreement. 
“Exactly. I’m Barry.” He said, extending his hand for Y/N to shake. She took it cautiously, hoping Barry didn’t pick up on her caution. He gave her an unsettling feeling, and she mentally wished for the bartender to hurry up with her drinks. 
“Y/N.” She said, dropping his hand quickly. Y/N turned her attention to the crowd, bouncing her foot as Barry moved closer to her, making her nerves increase. 
“You come here with anyone?” Barry asked, his accent distinctly American and Y/N shuddered, clutching her hands in her lap. 
“My brother and his friends. They’re in a band.” Y/N said, trying to be as polite as possible without seeming invested. It was a hard line to walk, but as a young woman in London she knew how to walk it very well. 
“So no boyfriend?” Barry said, his breath reeking of alcohol, a dark smirk on his face as his eyes raked over Y/N’s body. 
“Here are your drinks, ma’am.” Y/N let out a sigh of relief, thanking the bartender as he passed her a tray of glasses. 
“How about you forget about your brother and whoever else, and come home with me? I could show you a real good time, sweetheart.” Barry whispered, his hand creeping up Y/N’s thigh as he spoke. 
Y/N started breathing rapidly, her eyes shut tight as she cringed at the contact, wanting nothing more than to push him off her and run away. Luckily, Roger had been wondering why Y/N was taking so long and was up at the bar, his fists clenched in fury as he walked over to his girlfriend. 
He tapped Barry on his shoulder, watching him turn around before taking in a deep breath and punching Barry square in the face. Y/N let out a gasp, jumping back as Barry fell to the ground, clutching his nose in pain. 
“Fuck him and fuck the drinks, let’s go.” Roger said, clutching Y/N’s arm as he led her to the booth where the others were sitting. 
“Roger, thank you.” Y/N said, stopping abruptly causing Roger to stumble slightly. Her arms wrapped around his neck, causing Roger to hold her waist for support. 
Roger went to respond but Y/N cut him off with a kiss, her hands sliding into his blonde hair. Roger held her close to him, never wanting to let her go even though they were standing on the floor of a dodgy pub. 
Unbeknownst to the couple they were perfectly in Brian’s line of sight, and as Y/N’s furious brother approached them they knew there was a serious explanation due. 
And all at once, you are the one I have been waiting for. King of my heart, body and soul, and all at once, you are all I want, I'll never let you go. King of my heart, body and soul 
“Rog come one. If we’re late you know David will personally kick our asses. He’s a punctual man and you should respect that.” Y/N said, putting in her earrings as her husband was getting dressed in their shared bedroom. 
It was the January of 1980 and the couple were getting ready to attend David Bowie’s 33rd birthday party. Y/N and Roger had been married for five years, and they had stuck together through thick and thin. Sure they fought, but fights were always resolved quickly. 
“Is this to your liking, Mrs Taylor?” Roger said, gesturing to his outfit as Y/N spun around to look him up and down. 
“Very much so, Mr Taylor. You look wonderful, now let’s go.” Y/N said, kissing Roger’s cheek before heading downstairs, her husband following suit. They climbed into the car and sighed, sitting comfortably as the drive began. 
“I don’t say this enough, but I love you Rog.” Y/N said, resting her head on his shoulder, the fabric of his jacket brushing against her chin. 
“I don’t know what prompted that, but I love you too, Y/N/N.” Roger said, and Y/N groaned, rolling her eyes at that nickname. 
“You know only Brian can call me that.” Y/N mumbled, and Roger chuckled, slinging an arm around her shoulders. 
“I’m your husband, surely I can call you whatever I want. Sweetheart, love, darling, babe, honey, sugar, teddy bear, apple of my eye.” Roger said, pressing a kiss to Y/N’s face after every pet name until she was blushing scarlet. 
“Roger! I’m trying to be serious and romantic and you’re being a child.” Y/N said, shaking her head at Roger’s behaviour. 
“Fine, I’ll stop but only because I want to hear you be romantic and serious.” Roger said, leaning back so he could get a better look at Y/N’s face. 
“Well firstly I can’t imagine spending my life with anyone else, which is always nice. You make me laugh when I need it, and you’re always willing to do whatever it takes to make me feel better.” Y/N said, reaching up to link her fingers with Roger’s as he prompted her to continue talking. 
“You, Roger Taylor, own my heart. Not only my heart, but my body and my soul as well. You’re the man of my dreams, Rog, and I promise you I will never let you go, even when things get tough.” Y/N said, looking up at Roger and noticing the tears beginning to form in his eyes. 
“Are you crying?” Y/N asked softly, letting go of his hand and bringing her own to rest on his face, giving him a reassuring smile.
“I forgot you did an English degree. You’re very good with words, Y/N.” Roger muttered, causing Y/N to laugh softly as she wiped a tear from his cheek. 
“Sorry for making you cry, Rog.” Y/N said, and Roger chuckled, shaking his head slightly as he rested his hand on top of Y/N’s.
“Don’t apologise, Y/N. These are happy tears, and I’m always happy when I’m with you.” 
Late in the night, the city’s asleep. Your love is a secret I’m hoping, dreaming, dying to keep. Change my priority, the taste of your lips is my idea of luxury. 
Roger had been away on tour for a while, promoting the band’s new album ‘Hot Space’. The album had caused some tensions between the boys, but it was nothing they couldn’t handle. Y/N desperately wanted to join them, but her work schedule made it impossible to do so. 
Tonight was the night Roger was due to return home, so Y/N sat up waiting for him, watching reruns of The Brady Bunch on the television as the hours passed. Y/N felt herself growing tired, and she stumbled into her bed, closing her eyes briefly, despite her wish to stay up for her husband. 
She woke slowly to the sound of footsteps and jangling keys, her head perking up immediately at the sound of Roger humming to himself as he walked up the stairs. 
“Welcome back, rock star.” Y/N said, a grin on her face as Roger entered their bedroom, dropping his bags before shedding his shirt and jeans and scrambling into bed next to Y/N. 
“I told you that you didn’t have to stay up for me.” Roger said, his words slightly muffled as he began kissing Y/N’s neck. 
“I haven’t seen you in months, love. Can you blame me for staying up?” Y/N said, relaxing into Roger’s embrace for the first time in a while. 
The clock beside their bed said that it was 2:30 in the morning, and Y/N was sure that the rest of London was asleep, save her and Roger. Y/N let out a content sigh as she rolled over, positioning herself under Roger. 
“How was the tour?” Y/N asked, running her hands up and down Roger’s back, enjoying the shivers her touch sent down his spine. 
“Same as every other tour. Loud, fun and busy. How was it without me?” Roger asked, tucking a strand of Y/N’s hair behind her ear. 
“Boring. I hated going to bed without you. It was so cold and empty, but I guess it’s the price I pay for having a gorgeous rock legend for a husband.” Y/N said nonchalantly, and Roger felt his heart clench at the casual attitude with which Y/N said those words. 
“You shouldn’t have to feel alone, Y/N. I’m your husband and I won’t stand for it.” He said, leaning forward and kissing his wife for the first time in months. He had forgotten how luxurious her lips tasted, and he nearly let out a moan at the feeling. 
The couple spent the next half an hour kissing and holding each other, making up for time lost by the tour. As Y/N fell asleep Roger looked at her, realising how much his priorities had shifted over the years.  
He used to prioritise trivial things like alcohol and schoolwork, but now his only priority was her, his wife. 
Is this the end of all the endings? My broken bones are mending with all these nights we're spending up on the roof with a school girl crush, drinking beer out of plastic cups. Say you fancy me not fancy stuff, baby all at once this is enough 
“You guys have the world at your feet, I know it.” Y/N said, clutching a plastic cup half full of beer as she spoke, giving genuine smiles to the band and their partners.
“Today has been a big day, but here’s to a bigger night still.” Freddie said, raising his cup which prompted everyone else to raise their cups as well. Queen had done their part for Live Aid earlier in the day and they decided to throw a celebratory post-concert party at a bar in the city. 
“Did you hear that there’s a rooftop area as well? Isn’t that exciting?” Roger said, taking Y/N’s cup out of her hand and sipping some of the beer, chuckling as Y/N shot him a dirty look. 
“Just because we’ve been married for ten years doesn’t mean that you can pull shit like that.” Y/N said, indignantly drinking the rest of the beer as Roger shook his head.
“Let’s get a refill then head up to the rooftop. It should be quieter up there.” Roger said, placing his hand on the small of Y/N’s back as they topped up their beers before heading upstairs to the roof. 
Y/N sighed contentedly, looking out at the city skyline brightly lit up. “It’s beautiful isn’t it?” Roger said, standing next to Y/N as she nodded.
“I like it up here. It’s calm and quiet. That’s all I need, Rog. As much as I love presents, I don’t need all the fancy stuff. I just need you, the kids, and some relative peace and quiet.” Y/N said, smiling as she took another sip of beer.
“I love you more than all the stuff in the world, Y/N. You mean so much to me. You’re my wife, the mother of my children. God, I love you.” Roger said, hugging Y/N from behind as they looked out at the sky. 
“We have been together for nearly sixteen years, and you still manage to make me feel like a schoolgirl with a helpless crush.” Y/N said, adoration evident in her voice as she leaned into Roger’s touch. 
“It’s a skill, love. You know, it’s weird to think that when you kissed me for the first time all those years ago, that would be my last first kiss.” Roger mused, swaying gently with Y/N in his arms. 
“Our relationship isn’t an end of beginnings, Rog. Not at all.” Y/N said, and Roger kissed her neck gently, curious as to where this was going. 
“Well then, what do you think our relationship is, love?” Roger asked, and Y/N paused, a pensive look on her face as she weighed up her husband’s question. 
“I’d say it’s the end of all our endings, because when I’m with you it feels like nothing will end. We’re going to be happy forever, Rog. I know it.”
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marmolady · 5 years
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Broken Chains: A Year and a Day
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Book/Series: Endless Summer
Main Pairings: Estela x MC/Taylor (f), Quinn x Michelle
Summary: Part 2: Post-ending (Endless ending). The time has finally come for Taylor to face her destiny, time for her to say goodbye. Sad fluffy. Sluffy? Flad?
Word Count: 7171
Warnings: Probably rated M to be safe, for language and implied sexual interactions
Tagging: @brightpinkpeppercorn @sceptilemasterr @bbaba-yagaa @edgydepressedchoicesthot @endlesssummerfan @acidsugar0
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AO3
Catalyst Village, now complete and already showing weathering, was alive with the scents of tropical fruits, spices and meats. Smoke rose into the air from Raj’s central outdoor kitchen, drawing in Vaanti from nearby Elyys’tel. It was nearing sundown, and drinks were flowing. The anniversary of Rourke’s defeat, of the saving of La Huerta, had brought about festivities on a scale that the island had rarely seen. For the Catalysts, the occasion was tinged with melancholy. A year had passed since they’d said goodbye to their families, their futures, their homes, for the final time.
Taylor, up on the roof of one of the wooden houses, took a breather from decorating the place with glowing flowers. She scanned the surroundings, looking out for the arrival of Aleister and Grace, who’d been away overnight after their handfasting. No sign of them yet. With cat-like grace and balance, Estela wandered over to her side of the roof.
“You think that’s enough?” she asked, sitting down so that her chest was against Taylor’s back.
 As much as Taylor wanted the house perfect for when the newlyweds returned to it, time was of the essence. She gave the place another glance over. “I guess it’ll do,” she said. It wasn’t quite as magnificently decked out as the place she shared with Estela, but it was sufficiently decorated to properly honour Vaanti handfasting tradition. “Besides, I think we’ve earned ourselves a couple of beers by now.”
She descended from the roof slowly, knowing that she lacked her wife’s surefootedness. As she reached the ground, Estela took her in her arms and held her tight. At her touch, she felt a heavy guilt for what she had to do, so frighteningly soon. “Hey… are you… are you holding up all right?”
Estela’s smile didn’t reach her eyes. “I’m trying to forget about it,” she said. “Today should be happy. You deserve that much. I’ll save my tears for if I need them, but right now, I’ve got you by my side.”
They touched foreheads, taking a moment before joining the party.
Taylor exhaled loudly and took Estela’s hand in her own. “Okay,” she said shakily. “Let’s do this.”
 _________________________________
A cold beer in hand, Taylor wandered onto the sand towards Diego, who’d been roped into a traditional Vaanti dance. He was a part of Varyyn’s world now, fluent in Vaanti and living a bi-cultural existence. It had been hard sometimes. As deeply as he was in love with Varyyn, he could not totally belong with him. Diego couldn’t stand to be set apart from his friends, whom he treasured in a way that someone who had not endured years of loneliness could ever understand. Especially Taylor.
Getting his legs in a tangle, Diego was about to fall face-first into the sand when Taylor caught him, slopping beer down his front and giggling in the process. Taari, dancing wildly nearby, gave a shout of laughter.
“You’re a funny dancer, Da-yaygo!”
“Oof!” said Diego, clutching his heart, pretending to be deeply hurt.
“Aw, don’t worry, buddy,” laughed Taylor, “we know the Time Warp’s more your speed.”
Diego wandered back towards the main gathering with Taylor, watching wistfully as Varyyn jumped and stamped in perfect time with a large group of revelling villagers. “I don’t think there’s enough alcohol in the world to make me dance like that…”
“We should have got Varyyn in on our Dance Fighting Showdown last week. He would have rocked it!”
Craig’s ears pricked up. “Wait- are we doing that again? Now? Chyeeeeeeeaaah, boi! This time it’s in the bag!”
Taylor scoffed. “Last time you ended up with a black eye. And you hurled into a ceremonial horn.”
“I don’t remember that?”
Diego shuddered. “How? You’ve still got a hint of purple in the right light. Anyway, I chickened out last time, and I’ll do it again. Somehow Estela’s even more terrifying when you put her to music…”
“Yeah, we’re not drinking enough to be up for part two. Some other time, though, Craig.”
“Whaaat? This is meant to be one of the biggest rages of the year! If you don’t have your head in the toilet by the end of the night, you’re doing it wrong.”
They joined Raj and Zahra at the main bar. Undeterred, Craig continued to press his case with a glass raised.
“Dance fighting tournament- part two. Who’s in?”
Zahra shrugged. “It’s a toss-up. Watching you dance might actually destroy my remaining will to live. But it was almost worth it when you got destroyed by a girl half your size. Eh. I could go either way.”
Raj downed another drink- already he’d stopped bothering to count- and shook his head. “Doodlebugs, these things have gotta happen naturally. You can’t force a dance fighting tournament. Just keep drinking, and the night will decide.”
“Well, I don’t think I’m gonna be feeling it tonight…”
“Taylor, bro, you need another drink! You’re feeling sad? Nothing a little booze won’t fix! You want to celebrate the fact that we’re not all dead? Getting drunk’s good for that too!”
Diego looked at Craig in amazement. “You know… I honestly can’t fault that logic.”
Raj beamed as he poured out a glass for Diego. “Nothing like booze to bring out the inner genius!”
“Craig has an inner what?” Zahra’s eyes grew wide. “Raj, what the hell are you smoking?”
Taylor shook her head. “Sorry, guys. I’m pacing myself. Someone’s gotta keep their head screwed on.”
“Boooooo!”
 ________________________________
Estela splashed down into the shallows, knocked aside by a swift kick.
“You’re way off your game, Katniss.” Jake smirked, but offered her a hand to get up.
Shaking water from her hair as she got back to her feet, Estela knew he was right. Her head was all over the place. She’d always known where she was going… even if the destination wasn’t pretty. The uncertainty of what was to come made her anxious. All she could think to do was to try and release some of the tension from her body so she could be the support Taylor needed, but she was just too distracted to keep up. She huffed, her face set in a stony frown. “You know you’re having a bad day when the damn flyboy can keep up…”
She made to block the hits, one after the other, but her heart wasn’t in it. Her mind took her back to the day before the siege on the Celestial, when she’d taught Taylor to fight. A natural, Taylor had knocked her off her feet by the end of the lesson. It was small wonder she became infatuated so fast…
There was a dull thwack followed by a splash, and once again, she was down. Her frustration growing, Estela hauled herself back up, and she panted to catch her breath back. She steadied herself, and looked at Jake, already squaring up for another round. She tried to imagine him as the embodiment of the entity that was determined to rip the best part of her life away from her. Emotion bubbling up inside her, she let go of her better judgement and threw aside her usual defensive approach. She launched herself at Jake with a whirl of fists, taking him by surprise. The change of tactics was enough to put him on the back foot, and her unrelenting onslaught of punches gave little room for recovery. Within seconds, and with an indignant yell, he was slammed into the water.
“I yield! I yield!” Jake cried, as the punches kept coming. “Hey!” He managed to grab hold of Estela’s wrist and pulled her down into the water. ‘Take it easy…”
Estela panted heavily, coming out of a trance-like state. “Sorry… my head’s all screwed up today…”
Jake sat up and rubbed his head, where he’d received a particularly hard whack. “Thinking about your tio?”
“Something like that.” Sitting in the shallow water, she pulled her knees to her chest. “Mike?”
“Yeah. Runnin’ through my head all day.”
They sat in silence for a little while. It was bizarre to be celebrating the anniversary of one of the most traumatic days of their lives. Estela knew, though, that her worst pain was still to come. Hiding behind the grief this day brought up in all of them, she could brood without suspicion.
Jake clapped her on the shoulder. “Right, I think we better get a few more drinks down ya. Pretty sure it’s the only way we’re gettin’ through tonight.”
Estela huffed. “Sad, but true.” She stood up and gave him a playful kick, knocking him sideways. Jake could act the arrogant ass, but he got her. If there was anyone she might have confided in about what was coming, it would have been him. “All right. Drinks are on you, cabron.”
 __________________________________
Tucked behind a narrow strip of tropical vegetation, two of the party sat apart from the main group, watching the sun dip below the horizon, leaving behind the ominous glow that had become so familiar.
Michelle sighed deeply but found herself comforted by Quinn’s delicate touch to the back of her neck. “It would be so beautiful if we didn’t know what it was…”
In the burning light, Quinn’s hair took an otherworldly glow. She looked out to sea. “I guess most things are beautiful from the right angle. That line on the horizon… that’s the bubble keeping us safe. A miracle. It can’t bring back what we’ve lost, but… the people we love who are here, they’re safe. You’re safe. I don’t know what I’d do if anything happened to you, Michelle. I hope you can be happy, somehow.”
Michelle rested her head on Quinn’s shoulder and snuggled in. “I’ve always been so focused on the destination. If I couldn’t make it- what was the point?” She sighed. “Losing it all… I thought it was gonna break me. After Sean… after what the girls did… I didn’t think I could risk my heart again. But with you… it doesn’t feel like a risk. You make me feel unafraid; of love, of the future, whatever it might be. You made me realise how precious every moment is.” She sat up straight, and leant Quinn’s sweet face towards hers with a gentle touch of her finger. “And I want to spend every single one with you.”
Quinn’s face shone with a smile as warm as sunshine. “Oh, ‘Chelle… I want that too- more than anything. You are the strongest, most dedicated, most wonderful person I know. I’ve always, always admired you. I guess… what I’m trying to say is… I love you.”
Heat rising in her cheeks, Michelle closed the distance between them, her lips brushing tenderly against Quinn’s, then helplessly falling deeper into a passionate kiss.
There was a crash of vegetation, and Taylor stepped through the undergrowth. Michelle hastily backed up, her cheeks now a flaming scarlet.
“Crap!” Taylor cried, “I think I’m interrupting…”
“It’s fine! It’s fine.” Michelle quickly tidied her hair. As much as she loved Taylor, good as a sister to her, she really didn’t need an audience while she was trying to come to grips with a new side of herself.
Quinn was still beaming and couldn’t hold back a giggle at the look on Taylor’s face. “I guess it’s kinda rude for us to sneak away from the party like this.”
“Hey, I’ll leave you guys to it…” Getting over her surprise, Taylor was now near gleeful, her ship sailing at last. In her giddiness, she almost forgot what was coming. Almost. “I just came by to tell you that Aleister and Grace were back from their honeymoon. But I want to spend some time with you both soon. It’s really, really important to me.”
“Of course.”
Michelle averted eye contact, not knowing why she was so embarrassed. It wasn’t as if Taylor of all people was going to judge her for kissing a girl. Stupid insecurities, stupid old fears from the world they’d left behind, one that was often not nearly so accepting. “We’re just coming o-“ Shit. Did I really almost just say ‘coming out’? “-coming over to join you guys now anyway.”
As Taylor slipped back into the bushes, Michelle turned back to Quinn, her eyes full of earnest affection, and she mouthed, “I love you too.”
Quinn placed a little kiss on her sweetheart’s forehead. “We’ll continue this later.” With a cheeky wink, she took Michelle’s hand and they followed Taylor back into the thick of the action.
 As the three of them emerged back into the seaside hub, a cheer rang out.
Raj raised a colourful cocktail in the air. “Finally, we’ve got the whole fam together! This calls for a toast, doodlejumps!”
Sean stepped forward, standing tall, towering over all save for Varyyn and with the presence of a proud leader. “It’s been a crazy year. We’ve built something, and it’s not what any of us would have imagined, but it’s our life now, and I think we have everything to be proud of. When I look back, and I remember those stupid times Jake and I were about to knock ten bells out of each other… it’s hard to believe how far we’ve come. Together.”
Even as emotion crashed over her like a wave, Taylor couldn’t hold back a laugh. “I’m pretty sure someone would have just murdered the both of you just to keep the peace if Raj hadn’t come to the rescue.”
Estela gave Jake a teasing prod. Several beers down, and the tension had eased just enough for her to try to get some enjoyment from the gathering. “I’m not sorry I missed out on all the testosterone tantrums. You two had mostly grown up by the time I came back around.”
“Huh,” said Diego, “I’d almost forgotten we hardly saw you in the first week. But it was so different back then… Taylor was the only person I really knew how to talk to. If we met each other any other way, there’s no way most of us would be friends.”
Guiltily, Michelle avoided eye contact. Her social circle had certainly changed, but only for the better. “I can’t even imagine hanging out with the bitchy cliques I got so caught up in. I had no idea what I was missing. And all that time my so-called ‘friends’ were screwing with my life, there was the real thing right there on campus.”
“Hey, you had me!” Craig interjected. “And Raj! And Sean until it all went down the crapper.”
“Thanks Craig. Really. All right, I had you. But even then I didn’t, you know, appreciate it? And it was different then- you were a total ass, but you had status.”
“Raj is the same,” Sean said, clapping his old friend on the back. “Same old, life of the party, high on who knows what, almost alarmingly wise old Raj. But even then, I think we all underestimated the culinary genius.” He raised his glass again. “So, back to the toast. And I think the host should get the honours.”
“Well, we’ve got it pretty good here. And I don’t think we’ll need a peace feast ever again. Because we were together, we found second chances, found love, found some of the trippiest shit I’ve seen before ten in the morning. We came through it all, all of us, like the family we are.”
Zahra retched. “This is getting way too Hallmark card…”
“Here’s to us- dudes, dudettes, we made it!”
“To us!”
Taylor bit her lip, determined to hold back her emotions, even as Grace, glowing and radiant after her honeymoon, pulled her into a hug. She smiled, even while her heart was breaking.
“Don’t look so sad,” Grace said sweetly, offering Taylor another delicate fruit pastry. “I know it’s a strange day for everyone, but it’s okay. As long as we’re all together, we can make any day happy.”
“Sorry, don’t let me rain on your parade. I’ve been trying to kick the blues but, you know… it gets heavy. I’m gonna have to hear about your special night away, though, that will cheer me up.”
Grace beamed. “I’m just going to go and get my signature cocktail- apparently it’s different to the one Raj cooked up when I first got here. I must have grown!”
“Grace, you grow more brilliant, brave and just plain bitchin’ every day. No mixer could keep up with that, but good on Raj for trying.”
With an appreciative giggle, Grace left Taylor, who took shelter away from the rowdy crowd. She felt Estela’s hand slip into her own, and her anxieties bubble to the surface.
Taylor looked into her wife’s lovely face, simultaneously offering and seeking reassurance. “You okay?”
“Nope. You?”
“Not really, no.”
They embraced, lingering on the edge of the group, alone with their secret.
Taylor discreetly wiped a tear from her eye. “I wish I could say goodbye.”
“You don’t need to. Just… tell them you love them. There’s nothing else you need to say.” Estela brought Taylor’s fingers to her lips and kissed them, as the music jumped in volume and coloured lights began to flash around the hillside. “Taylor… get out there and have the night you deserve.”
“Fake it ‘til you make it, right?”
“If I can sit through Diego explaining Doctor Who timelines to us without looking like I want to stab him, I’m sure this’ll be a cakewalk for you.”
“Well, if you put it that way…”
Hitting the dance floor, Taylor was taken aback by just how easily it could feel like just another party. Everything was normal. No one treated her any differently, because, of course, they had no idea what she was planning. She suspected that the deceptively strong cocktail she’d knocked back was helping, but she simply couldn’t stop herself from having a good time. Hands linked with Quinn and Diego, she jumped and swayed to a bouncing rhythm, with Michelle and Grace completing the chain. From opposing sides of the little circle, Quinn and Michelle would shoot one another secret smiles, not quite discreet enough to escape Taylor’s notice. As the party ramped up, the chain expanded, with Craig throwing himself into the mix, and Grace managing to convince a pleasantly tipsy Aleister to join in. Even Zahra was hanging around close to the dance floor, sitting, glass in hand, just far enough away to avoid being stepped on by one of the inebriated revellers. 
“And here I thought watching Craig dance would finish you. Looks to me like you can’t drag yourself away…”
“Taylor, I’ve been going since breakfast. There’s more alcohol in my body than blood at this point. I doubt I could walk away if I tried.’
Craig took her in his arms as she flailed with an utter lack of coordination. “Come on, Z, you love iiit!” He picked her up and swung her through the air, ignoring the cries of protest.
“Put me down!”
Spotting Estela lurking nearby, Taylor flung her arms around her neck and held her close, a huge grin on her face. Slowly, she eased her love into the dance, until they moved together in time to the pulsing beat. She felt Estela relax around her, movements becoming fluid and effortlessly graceful.
“Looks like you do a pretty good impression of enjoying yourself too,” she whispered against Estela’s ear, smirking as she smiled helplessly in response.
“You dance like a drowning turkey, it was my duty as your wife to save you.”
Taylor broke into uncontrollable giggles and collapsed into Estela’s shoulder, which soon bounced with laughter that couldn’t be suppressed. It felt so good… it felt incredible to just have fun, letting go of what couldn’t be changed. For this short, sweet time, there was no fear.
“Come on,” Taylor cried, jumping at Estela with slightly-drunken glee. “Dip me! Dip me!”
With an exaggerated sigh, the lithe brunette scooped her close and ducked her quickly into a deep dip that made her shriek with mirth. As they came up, Quinn put her arms around them both.
“Dance with us!” she invited, already tugging them both towards the main group.
A flushed Aleister reached out and took Estela’s hand and awkwardly began to sway with her. “Ah, sister, dearest!”
She gave Grace a look that said quite clearly, how much as he had?, but Grace simply took her other hand and began to sway.
“Yippeeee!” she squealed, hugging Estela’s arm. “Happy family!” She stumbled over thin air and would have fallen on her face were it not for the swift rescue of her sister-in-law.
A dumbstruck expression on her face, Estela rolled with it, but made a mental note to confiscate any further drinks that came the way of Aleister and Grace.
In no time at all, the whole group was up and dancing -even those who’d needed more than a little encouragement. Taylor was swung round, twirled, dipped and danced almost off her feet. The atmosphere was electric, and the hours passed almost before she could blink. Too fast.
Midnight came, and with a sinking feeling, Taylor knew it was finally time to let go. To part with her friends one last time. She sat down beside Quinn and Michelle at the edge of the beach, joining them as they looked out to the burning horizon.
“This time, I’m not interrupting, right? I was very careful.”
Quinn giggled and put her head on Taylor’s shoulder. “Thank you for your discretion.”
“Joking aside, it’s really nice to see how close you two are- whatever it is. You are two of the most compassionate people I know, and you both deserve to be cared for by someone like that.”
Michelle gave a dry laugh. “Compassionate? Me? You’re doing Quinn a major disservice lumping her with me. I’ve got a tongue like a knife.”
“Yeah, but that’s not the heart of who you are. When one of us is struggling, you’re first to jump in and try and fix everything whether they like it or not.”
Quinn’s eyes met with Michelle’s, across Taylor who was suddenly invisible between them. “You don’t see it, but it’s there plain to see. You have the biggest heart of anyone I know.”
Feeling as though she might melt on the spot, Michelle bit her lip, momentarily wishing she could hide the red glow in her cheeks, before realising that to hell with it, being vulnerable with the people she loved so much didn’t make her vulnerable at all. Sitting beside the woman she’d been slowly, quietly falling for since they’d built their home on this island, and the courageous leader who’d become a treasured sister, it was just so comfortable.
She squeezed Taylor’s arm. “You… wanted to speak with both of us. Is everything okay?”
Taylor had to concentrate to keep her breath steady. “I just wanted to make sure you’re okay. I mean, this is a celebration, but it’s a day of mourning as well. You lost so much that day. It’s never gonna be the same for me as it is for you, but I need you to know that I care. And that I love you.”
“Oh, Taylor!” Quinn huddled closer. “We’d be blind not to know that. I’m… okay. I don’t now if I’ll ever completely get my head around it; my parents being gone and me being here. My whole life I’d wondered how they’d move on when my Rotterdam’s finally took me. I never could have dreamed that I’d be the one living on.” Seeing the deep sadness in Taylor’s face, she added, “Every day I have is a gift. That hasn’t changed. And now I have so many… with people I love, who I’ll never feel a burden to.”
“You were never a burden.” Michelle spoke with a firm authority. “Not when you were sick, not ever.”
Agreeing, Taylor nodded resolutely. “You were always our ball of sunshine. And oh my god, did we need that.”
Quinn’s cheeks became a little rosy. “You two are so sweet.”
“And there was Meech doubting it- crazy!”
Michelle gave a small appreciative laugh. “Fine. I’ll take it.”
“Good,” said Taylor, and she moved to get up, brushing sand from her legs. “Well, with my mushy stuff out the way, I’ll leave you to it.” As she walked away, Quinn and Michelle scooted together, and their arms entwined. She gave them a wink. “Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.”
“Goodnight, Taylor.”
Weaving down the beach, dragging her feet as dread crept up on her, Taylor stopped to say her goodbyes, offering tight, lingering hugs to Raj, then Aleister and Grace, who were crashed out together on the sand.
“You’re done already?” Zahra asked, slumped against the serving table.
Taylor stooped down for a hug.
“Whaaat? Really? All right, one hug. Just because it’s you.”
“Sorry, I’m a party pooper this time. All sobered up already. I’ll leave you guys to it.”
Craig lumbered over, wobbling precariously. “Woah… why is the floor moving…? But seriously, Tay, Pa-Tay-to? It’s only just midnight! You can still walk in a straight line! That means we’re not done with you yet.”
Taylor shrugged apologetically. She didn’t want to walk away, but she couldn’t delay facing her fate any longer. She might never again have the nerve. And more than anything, she wanted to give her loved ones their lives back. They deserved nothing less than all the courage she could muster.
“It’s an emotional day, you know? I’m ready to just go home and snuggle with my lady. Sometimes one wedding anniversary night just isn’t enough…”
“Ah, well I won’t keep you from that. Have fun, I guess!”
Again, Taylor’s heart broke just a little more at the thought of saying goodbye. She quietened herself, imagining Craig reuniting with his beloved kid brother. “Thanks, Craiggers. You too.” She put her arms around his bulky middle and hugged him tight. “Love ya, dummy! You are so much more amazing than you know…”
“Aw, Tayls, you’re pissed!”
Sean pulled her into a hug next, and she was almost lost in his long, muscular arms. “No she’s not,” he said, “she just cares and she’s not afraid to show it. I think we could all use a bit of that tonight.”
“See? Sean gets it.” Taylor squeezed back. “Since I’m off to bed, you should do the rounds. Giving out hugs, telling everyone how awesome they are, all that jazz. I figured it would be your kind of job.”
“I’m sure I can do that for you,” Sean said with a smile.
Through the gap in his arms, Taylor caught a glimpse of Jake walking up the beach.
“Toooop Guuuuun!!!” she hollered. “Come join the love-in!”
“Priiiinceeeeessss!!!” Jake didn’t get much further before being dragged into a hug with Taylor. He gave her a slightly patronising pat on the back as she cuddled close. “So uh… you’re one of those excessively affectionate drunks, huh?”
“Stop ruining my hug with your jerkiness, you jerk. Anyway, I’m pretty sure Estela’s the cuddly drunk. I’m always in hug mode.”
“Your girl Ripley called it a night, by the way. She said to let you know.”
Drawn in by the yelling, Diego’s eyes grew wide. “Hang on- if Estela’s Ripley, and Taylor is an actual alien… does that make her a xenomorph?”
“Du-ude! Don’t give him ammo!” Taylor gave her best friend a playful punch to the shoulder.
Diego sniggered. “It’s all right. I’ve always seen you two more like Lilo and Stitch.”
“Well, at least that’s cuter…” She exhaled deeply. This was really it. Goodbye. How the hell could she say goodbye to Diego? “Anyway, I’ll be heading to bed now, too.” 
She squeezed Jake even tighter. “You, are a snarky asshole, but you’re a lovely snarky asshole. I like you better now you don’t try so hard to hide your sensitivity so much.”
“Like I said, excessively affectionate drunk…”
“Love you too, Top Gun.”
Finally, the moment she’d been dreading. Taylor flung herself around Diego and buried her face in her shoulder. “You, Diego, are the actual best person in the whole world.”
Jake smirked over his shoulder. “So just La Huerta, then?”
“Ugh, can someone kick him for me?” She aimed a smack at Jake’s shoulder but missed. “What I’m trying to say is… I know I’m not the best friend you thought you always had, and I wish so much I could have been there for you all those years.”
Diego felt himself tearing up. “Jeez, Taylor, you can’t do this to me when I’ve had a few!”
“Oh, stop being such a baby! It’s end-of-the-world-iversary, you’re allowed to cry. The thing is, the time we’ve had together has been beyond amazing. The adventure we needed, we got it. And through the whole damn thing you’ve been a gem. You’ve made me smile when no one else could, no matter how bad things got. You’re so much gutsier than you ever gave yourself credit for. I couldn’t have dreamed up a better friend… I love you so much, you perfect dork.”
“I love you too- but are you okay? That was the kind of speech the hero gives before they go and die. That wasn’t a dying monologue, was it?”
Taylor snorted with laughter, though inside her stomach clenched. She hated lying to him. “If end-of-the-world-iversary doesn’t call for an over the top declaration of love, I don’t know what does. Pretty sure I’m gonna serenade Estela when she gets her turn.” She bumped her head affectionately against his. “I just… don’t say these things enough. And I don’t want you to ever, ever forget how wonderful I know you are.”
Diego couldn’t help but grin, warmed by her friendship. “Well, I would have prepared a speech if I knew we were doing that… but you make me feel like I can do anything. And I’m pretty sure you do that for all of us; it’s like some weird magic power that you’ve got. So many people have rejected me for who I am, people who I never believed could have turned their backs on me… but you see me and… you look at me like I’m something special. I hope you know how much I appreciate you.”
“Course I do. You talked me through, scene-by-scene, every Star Wars movie we thought we’d seen together but actually we hadn’t. If I don’t appreciate that kind of dedication, what kind of friend would I be?” She planted a kiss on his forehead. “Just… be happy. Tonight I mean. And until I see you next.”
“Same to you with bells on. Sleep tight!”
As Taylor walked away, she had to stop herself from looking over her shoulder, knowing that to do so would cause her to break down on the spot. She walked purposefully forward, seeking the only person who could offer her any comfort. From a distance, she saw a figure atop a flower-adorned double-storey hut… their home. They’d built it together- with a little help from their friends- imagining a future there. As if in defiance of the slim chance that Taylor would be around to fulfil those hopes, they’d included a small room for a future addition to their family. It was no palace… it was not even a patch on the room they’d shared for many months in the Celestial, but it was theirs and theirs alone.
Coming near to the little glowing hut that drew her in like a beacon, Taylor’s gaze met with Estela’s, and her heart skipped a beat. She was drawn in, entranced, just as she had been on that fateful plane journey. Driven by a painful longing, knowing that they had only hours left, she broke into a run and vaulted onto the roof from the steep grassy slope. Speaking no words, she let Estela wrap her in the warmest of hugs, heartfelt and strong. They held one another tight, letting the inevitable tears come, both wishing they could hold on forever.  
A long while later, Taylor came away and wiped the tears from Estela’s eyes. She followed her touch with tiny kisses, feeling the soft flutter of eyelashes against her lips.
Turning so that she looked out over the village, shoulder-to-shoulder with her love, Estela leaned her head against Taylor’s and quietly watched the festivities from a distance. The group had gathered around the fire pit, drunken shouts and laughter ringing out into the night. She knew that nothing would ever be the same again. This place, this home that they’d created… it wasn’t perfect, but it was the only peace she’d ever known. Whatever came next, she could face it… so long as Taylor could remain by her side… somehow.
Taylor nuzzled Estela’s neck, breathing in her scent, letting it solace her, just a little. It was impossible to completely comprehend that it really was over. Almost certainly, she’d spoken to eleven of the most precious people in her life for the last time. Now it was just her and Estela, hanging on until the bitter end. She prayed that she was stronger than Vaanu believed her, strong enough to go on living without the spirit that had given her life in the first place. Her mind had been made up long ago that she’d cling to the scraps of humanity within her, even if it killed her. She’d fought hard for this life of hers. Over the past months, she’d worked tirelessly to make her physical body strong, training under Estela’s guidance. Honestly, she didn’t know if it would make a damn bit of difference, but it at least gave them the illusion that they had some control, some influence on their fate. A year and a day. Another straw grasped at, a hope to cling onto. They’d received a blessing from Seraxa that morning; their spirits declared as destined to be as one forever. No land, sea, or person may keep those who are destined apart. There was now no more to be done. She felt a sweet kiss to her temple.
“Looks like this is us back where we started,” Estela said quietly. “Helpless together…”
“I can’t believe how simple everything was back then,” Taylor said with a sigh. “I mean, it was insane. We had no idea what was going on… but I was just another Hartfield student. Falling for the mysterious stranger, imagining that when it was all over, we might go home and go on cute dates together. God, I wish I could have that life.” She watched over her friends; seeing Raj apparently passed out in the sand, Aleister dancing by the fire with Grace snuggled against his chest, Quinn squealing with laughter as she was chased through the water by a tag team of Jake and Craig. There could be no regrets. She could give them the lives they deserved, and she would do it with love. “But,” she said, “I wouldn’t trade a second of what we’ve had. We belong together. You and me. Estela and Taylor. I wouldn’t be half the person I am without you… there’s no way I’d ever have been brave enough to face this.”
Another kiss. Touching Taylor was soothing, and so much more precious a sensation than Estela had imagined back when their time together felt infinite. She kissed her again, just a small, delicate caress of her lips to try and express feelings that seemed to overwhelm her whole being. “You healed me. I could never go back to the person I was before you. Broken. Closed. You showed me how much more there was to me… that I could feel love. And in the end, I couldn’t fight it even if I wanted to. I guess… I guess I could never really be helpless. Not when I have you.”
Taylor nodded slowly, sincerity all over her face. It would be out of her hands, but Estela’s presence beside her made all the difference in the world. She was not alone in this. Her voice shook as she spoke. “We’d better get going. One last adventure.”
Estela’s eyes filled with tears once more. “We’ve beaten the odds before,” she said resolutely. “You’ve beaten the odds before. And whatever happens, we’ve got now. Come on…” She moved in for another another kiss, this time seeking Taylor’s mouth, lingering to nip gently at her lower lip. “…you’ve gotta go save the world.”
 _______________________________
Having gathered necessities for the journey, Estela led the way out into the night, spear in hand, and with Taylor keeping close. They strode on in comfortable quiet, alert to dangers that abounded in the darkened forest, but secure in the company they shared. Taylor let her hand brush against Estela’s hip as they clambered over a mossy log, to be met with a loving smile. For a moment, she could forget what they were doing; she was simply enjoying a beautiful night with her soulmate. The moonlight through the trees made Estela’s eyes sparkle, and Taylor couldn’t help but be taken back to the night they’d first looked up at the stars together. Estela had been baffled by Taylor’s honest need to seek her friendship. How far they’d come…
They came into a small clearing, and Taylor grasped Estela’s hand, silently urging her to a stop. This place was beautiful in its wildness, and she needed to take the time to be a part of it. With Estela. It was, after all, all that they had.
“Are you okay?”
Taylor just kissed her, deeply, passionately, as though there was nothing else in the world except for the sensation of their bodies moving as one. To her, there might as well not be. The force of the embrace sent Estela stumbling backwards until she was pressed up against a broad tree trunk. With the tree as leverage, she responded fervently, closing her eyes and losing herself to the feel of Taylor, of her fingers tangled in her hair, hot breath against her mouth, heart beating against her own.
As they reluctantly parted, Taylor’s eyes were shining with tears. “Like you said… we’ve got now. Nothing can take this from us. This is ours.”
With a happy murmur, Estela nuzzled close, and peppered soft kisses against Taylor’s jaw, trailing down her neck to her collarbone. She gazed up into her eyes with a fierce yearning. “I’m yours, Taylor…”
Taylor took a leap into Estela’s arms, wrapping her legs around her middle and leaning down to meet her lips in a searing kiss. Loving hands travelled beneath her clothes, holding her, caressing her. She quietly moaned against Estela’s mouth, then came away, just long enough to pull her lover’s shirt over her head. Her hands ran over the exposed torso… taut muscle, soft skin, etched with scars- each of which holding a story that had played its part in creating the beautiful woman who writhed with pleasure beneath her. She felt herself lowered to the ground, and her own shirt gently removed. Flushed, she removed the rest of her clothes, and looked down to an adoring gaze.
“You’re so beautiful…” Estela whispered, and she delicately stroked the curve of Taylor’s breast.
“Maybe so, but I feel like you shouldn’t be the only one enjoying the view.” Taylor winked. She propped herself up on her hands and knees, giving Estela space to wriggle free of her clothes.
“Happy now?”
Taylor snuggled back down, responding to the need in Estela’s eyes. “You take my breath away…”
Twirling a lock of blonde hair in her fingers, Estela giggled, and let her other hand travel downwards, teasingly. The whole time, her intense gaze was fixed on those pale, glittering eyes. “Taylor… my heart. I haven’t even started.”
With the passing of hours, the ardent, fiery dance of two lovers at the end of the line slowed, giving way to near silence and the lightest, most delicate of touches. Exhilarated panting turned to quiet purrs and murmurs against the still of night. Each brush of skin, each tender kiss set them alight, as their bodies ached with the urgent need to soak in the embrace that would be their last. Naked upon their blanket, they were exposed against the moonlit night, against the twisted wilderness, and primal adrenaline brought their senses to their peak.
Taylor felt her eyelids grow heavy. She wanted to sleep. She wanted to sleep right there, not knowing where her body ended and Estela’s began. If she could be trapped forever in a single moment of time, she couldn’t imagine a better eternity than this. But time was one thing they no longer had. As her eyes fell closed, a hand reached out and stroked her face.
“Taylor… it has to be now.”
There was no question. Knowing how hard leaving had been, Taylor knew she could never face it a second time. But more than that, she couldn’t let it all drag out, for Estela’s sake. They would part as they were, with no words left unsaid. Somewhere in Estela’s eyes was a faint glimmer of hope that Taylor’s mind would change, and to extinguish that spark was more painful than she could say. Taylor simply nodded and sat up, as ready as she’d ever be to confront her destiny.
She reached out to grab her top and paused, looking into Estela’s face with affection so strong it was almost painful. “Chances are,” she said, her voice quivering, “I’m not gonna be coming home with you. I just… I need you to know that I couldn’t have wished for more. If this was my last night on earth, if this right here is the last memory I’ll have… it’s perfect. Here with you.” She gave a little sob. “I love you, Estela. My starlight.”
“I love you. Taylor, you are my whole world. Whatever happens, tonight will be precious to me, always.”
The two women dressed slowly, taking their time to help one another, before starting back on their trek to the heart of Atropo. In the dark, the tears that streamed down their faces were invisible, drying in the night air without ever being given away. The change in climate was sudden, and they were soon shivering.
“We must be close…” Taylor said, over the sound of Estela’s teeth chattering.
They trudged further through the snow, staying close to one another to preserve warmth, until the gaping abyss came into view.
As they approached the huge elevator that would take them down into the caverns below, Taylor felt her knees buckle beneath her with every step, harder and harder until she could barely keep putting one foot in front of the other. Trembling fingers wrapped around hers, and she felt her breathing steady, just a little.
“I’ve got you,” Estela said softly, wishing with all her heart that she could simply take her wife in her arms and pull her away from the brink. “We can take this as slow as you need.”
Her heart in her throat, Taylor could only nod. This would take every ounce of courage in her body, and she doubted she could have come even this close alone. She gripped Estela’s hand with fearful desperation and kept moving forwards. Looking down into the great chasm, she knew it was time.
No turning back now.
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thefirstcourtesan · 5 years
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I was tagged by @thirstyforvillains (and maybe someone else?)
Nickname: Misha, Shelle
Zodiac: Leo
Height: 5”7
Hogwarts House: Slytherin
The last thing you googled: whether my kids really have a PA day on Friday or they were tricking me (they do). We just moved, so I am out of whack with the schedule of the new board.
Favorite musician/s: Taylor Swift, The Rolling Stones (sentimental reasons), Imagine Dragons
Song stuck in my head: Leaving On a Jet Plane by Chantek Kreviazuk (now the last thing I googled was how to spell her name 😂)
Following now: 43
Followers: 560
Do I get asks: I do and I love it. I am almost caught up, send more.
Amount of sleep: 8ish hours, I am a mess if I do not get enough sleep.
What I’m wearing: pink plaid pj pants and one of my husband’s t-shirts
Dream trip: The UK
Favorite food: sushi
Instruments: I am very unmusical but I can play the piano a little
Languages: English, could probably managed to not get lost or starve in Croatian (so can also swear and pray really well).
Favorite songs: this changes constantly. But “Slow Down” by Nicole Nordman really resonates with me and makes me tear up whenever it comes on my playlist.
Random fact: my bff of 30+ years lives with us and it is the best thing ever.
Aesthetic:
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Tagging: @enmchoices @lizzybeth1986 @callmetippytumbles @wughhumans @regina-and-happiness @walkerismychoice
No idea who has done this already.
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recklessheartsclub · 5 years
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love is whack
i’m way too tired to form any sort of coherent thought right now, especially on a topic as complex as love, but here we are just typing away. i’ve been thinking so much about love, specifically romantic love, lately. it’s so fucking weird. like, we’re just alive doing the thing that is life and we’re supposed to also find someone(s) to do it with? that’s the whole goal? as silly as that sounds, it’s been causing me to think a lot lately. i’ve been thinking about how love manifests in my life, and the overwhelming majority of the love i’ve given and received in my 21 dumb years of human existence has been platonic, friendyyy love (which, don’t get me wrong, is the greatest thing ever). i’ve also been thinking about how my (mpls) people, the ones i eat 1-3 meals a day with, end every night with, cry with, laugh with, live with, etc. weren’t in my life until a year (or less!) ago. i don’t understand how i got so fucking lucky. they’ve shown me unconditional and reciprocal love in a way i never thought to be possible. they bring me coffee when i’m sleepy, snuggle me when i’m sad, dance with me when i’m happy, and just.....overall know exactly what i need. along with that is the fact that these humans (my beautiful best friends) are deeply in love with each other. not only have they given me love in way that has helped me recognize my self worth and what i deserve, but they constantly show me what it means to show up, to really love another, to MAKE! AN! EFFORT! sometimes i think that romantic love and soulmates and all of that stuuuuff is something that is saved for the movies and taylor swift, but they prove me wrong every day. they make me believe in love and the ability to find someone who gives just as much as they receive, who really considers your emotions, who never stops doing everything they can to put a smile on your face. god i just love them all so much and get happy tears when i think about how much they love each other because they deserve that so much. it’s also so odd to think about how they know each other in their relationships so differently than i’ll ever know any of them. they have sides of themselves reserved solely for one another, and though i catch glimpses and hear stories, i’ll never know and experience them in the way that they experience each other within their relationships. i don’t know. i’m feeling very existential, but very lucky and hopeful. being in love again eventually would be nice, and i really hope i get to experience it. someone who knows my flaws and loves me for and not in spite of them. someone who brings me a bagel and kisses me forehead without me having to ask. i deserve effort. i deserve reciprocated love. i have so much love in my heart and not enough outlets and sometimes i feel like ill burst if i can’t be a soft romantic baby but i’ve also finally learned to give a lot of that to myself and although it’s hard as hell, it’s so rewarding. love yourself. love your friends. i think that love is all that fucking matters. 
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