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ghosthunterbuck · 1 year

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they don't call it texas hold'em for nothing

(buddie) (1.6k) (6b spec) of course i wrote poker date spec, would you expect anything less of me?

The thing that Buck forgot to consider when he agreed to Bobby’s undercover scheme is that he really, really sucks at poker.

As in, down to three chips after as many hands sucks at poker.

“Guess I’m all in,” Buck jokes, placing his chips in the center of the table as the blind bet.

The woman opposite him fixes Buck with an unimpressed look.

Eddie, sitting next to him, snorts. Buck kicks him under the table.

The dealer slings out two cards to each of them. Buck lifts the corners of his for a peek and–

Fuck.

A two of hearts and a six of spades.

The bet goes around the table until it reaches Eddie, who glances at his cards, gives Buck an unreadable look, and doubles the bet.

The betting continues, the face up community cards are dealt, and sure enough, Buck’s fucked. His best hand is a pair of sixes, and with all but one player still in the game, he doubts that’ll win him shit.

“Call,” Eddie says, tapping the table, and the round is over.

Buck turns his cards over and the woman across from him snorts derisively, then flips her cards to reveal three queens. No one else at the table has her beat. No one except–

Eddie smiles innocently and drops his hand on the table, revealing a flush. “Sorry,” he says, sounding anything but.

Buck wants to rib him, maybe lean a little dramatically into his loss, but tonight he and Eddie are strangers, and Buck no longer has a reason to be at the table. He pushes his chair back and stands. “It’s been fun,” he begins, “but–”

“You can’t leave now,” Eddie interrupts. He tilts his chin up to look directly at Buck and smirks.

Buck tries not to let the confusion show on his face. “My, uh– my last three chips just joined your pile,” he says with a meaningful glance.

“Of course they did. Sweetheart, you’re my good luck charm.”

It takes Buck a full fifteen seconds to pick his jaw up off the ground and try to respond. “Uh– well I–”

“C’mon,” Eddie says– no, practically purrs, “I’ll buy you a drink if you agree to stay.”

The back of Buck’s neck flushes warm and pink, but he sits back down and drags his chair a little closer to Eddie’s. “I’d be an idiot to say no to that,” he murmurs, and it feels just a little bit too true.

Eddie slings an arm around Buck and turns his attention back to the dealer who’s been watching them with a bemused expression. “So,” he asks, “are we playing or not?”

…

Eddie’s an idiot.

An absolute fucking idiot, for more reasons than one, but the biggest reason is currently leaning into his personal space drinking a tonic water that’s been dressed to appear alcoholic.

Every time Eddie looks over, Buck’s watching him. And every time Eddie looks away, he can’t keep himself from looking right back.

He’s going to start losing soon, which is going to defeat the entire point of their ruse.

He needs a second to breathe.

Eddie pulls a black card from his jacket and presses it into Buck’s hand, careful to conceal that it’s actually a gift card they’d purchased a few hours ago specifically for the purpose of pantomiming wealth.

“Go get us a couple of drinks, will you?” he says with a wink. “I’ll have whatever you’re having.”

Buck shoots him a playful glare, an expression so small that no one else could possibly have caught it. He gets up from his chair and trails his fingers across Eddie’s shoulders and leans down to whisper in his ear.

“You got it, asshole,” Buck says.

Eddie swears he can hear Buck’s smirk.

The thing that Eddie forgot to consider when he agreed to Bobby’s undercover scheme is that he’s recently come to the conclusion that he’s been looking for love in all the wrong places, and that the right place has maybe been right in front of him the entire time. And the thing about that is, Eddie’s not ready to deal with it yet.

He’s not ready to deal with it, but apparently he is just about ready to pull Buck into his lap and press his lips against the skin of his neck, because he has to forcibly restrain himself from doing just that when Buck returns with their drinks.

“I’ll raise,” Eddie says distractedly, pushing a number of chips that he doesn’t bother to count into the center of the table.

“Call,” the woman across from Buck says.

Buck sets their drinks on the table, then leans into Eddie’s space until his lips brush against Eddie’s ear.

“Our new friend is sitting at the bar,” he whispers.

Eddie fails to suppress the shiver that runs down his spine. He’s so fucked.

…

Whatever game it is they’re playing, Buck’s pretty sure he doesn’t want it to end.

Which is a little concerning, because Eddie’s one of the most important people in his life, maybe the most important, and he really doesn’t need to go fucking that up because he’s feeling horny.

Still, he can’t help the thrill that runs through him when he feels Eddie shiver.

Buck leans back in his seat and tries to watch the game, but quickly becomes distracted watching Eddie instead.

When he has a particularly good hand, his lips press together and his fingers slide ever so slightly up and down Buck’s bicep. When he’s trying to bluff his way out of losing, Eddie’s knee knocks against Buck’s, but his face doesn’t move a millimeter. When he’s trying to read another player, the corner of his lips twitches up in a way that’s starting to drive Buck just a little bit crazy.

They’re gathering intel, not on a date. Buck has to remember that.

Eddie glances at him and for a split second; his expression goes soft.

Buck swallows hard.

…

Eddie finishes the hand then stands, pulling Buck up with him.

“I think it’s about time we go celebrate, don’t you think?” he says as suggestively as he can manage without sending himself into a tailspin.

Buck ducks his head and smiles. “Buy me another drink and we’ll see where it goes,” he says.

“That can be arranged,” Eddie replies, doing his best not to choke on his own tongue.

They’ve got a job to do. The only reason Buck’s flirting with him is to keep their cover. It’s not real. Eddie just has to remember it’s not real.

…

It’s not a date, but if Eddie keeps looking at him like that, it’s sure as hell going to end like one.

The worst part is, it’s not the heated looks or the whisper soft touches that are getting him anymore. No, Buck knows those are for show. It’s the warm smile Eddie keeps turning in his direction when no one seems to be looking. It’s the hand at his elbow that seems to be asking if he’s still okay with everything that’s happening.

It’s the Eddie of it all, and Buck’s starting to realize that he doesn’t just want to sleep with his best friend.

And that’s a problem, because he knows that for Eddie, this is all just an act.

It’s all just an act until they reach the bar and Eddie’s eyes go wide.

“Oh, fuck,” he says, and before Buck knows it, Eddie’s lips are on his and the entire world has frozen on its axis.

…

The fucking bartender. It had to be this fucking bartender, the asshole he went out on a date with two weeks ago, then promptly ghosted because he was pretentious as fuck and Eddie had neither the time nor the energy to let him down gently.

He wouldn’t shut up about Eddie’s job during the date, and Eddie just knows he’ll blow their cover if he realizes who he’s about to serve.

So Eddie does the only thing he can think of, which, incidentally, is also the stupidest thing he’s ever thought of.

He kisses Buck.

Eddie kisses Buck and he’s pretty sure he’s never going to be able to kiss anyone else again.

…

Eddie kisses him, and when Buck’s brain finally catches up, he kisses back like his life depends on it.

Hell, maybe it does. The people they’re here to spy on are dangerous, and it’s not like Eddie’s kissing him for no reason.

Buck wishes it was for no reason.

He fists his hands in Eddie’s jacket and deepens the kiss. If this is the only time he’s ever going to get this, he’s not letting it go to waste.

…

After what feels like forever and not nearly long enough, Eddie breaks the kiss, panting. He glances towards the bar and sees that the bartender is now focused on several patrons at the other end, giving them plenty of time to make themselves scarce.

“What was that for?” Buck whispers, just as out of breath as Eddie.

“The uh– I know the bartender,” Eddie replies. “Sorry about that.”

He’s not sorry at all, actually.

“Oh,” Buck says, in a tone Eddie can’t read at all. “Okay, so–”

“Back to the mission,” Eddie says.

Buck swallows and nods. “Right, yeah.”

Eddie has to turn away, because if he spends another second looking at Buck he’s going to do something supremely idiotic, something like kiss him a second time, except this time there won’t be a convenient bartender to excuse his actions.

Eddie’s in love with his best friend. He’s so fucked.

…

Eddie turns away and Buck closes his eyes. That kiss… whatever Buck thought he knew about their relationship has gone out the window.

Buck’s in love with his best friend. He’s so fucked.

#911 #911 spoilers #911 spec #911fic #911 fic #buddie #buddie fic #abbie writes #i'm obsessed with the poker still y'all #tags to come in a minute!#userceecee #fic

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fingolfinwiththesteelchair · 5 months

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It is a beautiful day, and you are a horrible research transport vessel. Things are progressing as normal (i.e. it's boring) when a SecUnit pings you, lies right to your metaphorical face, and then tries to bribe you with human media to give it a ride. This is as unexpected as it is unprecedented, and the sheer nerve of it is really to be admired. There's no protocol to this, so what should you do?

Now, this is against a bunch of rules, and could be dangerous if you weren't so impressive and incredible, and you're technically an employee (and can probably rewrite the Univeristy charter at will (until someone notices and puts it back)) so those rules are for other entities.

So, what you should do is allow the rogue SecUnit with a broken governor module and a sketchy story aboard. If you check the files it dumps and find zero (0) malware (which is confusing), and it doesn't even try to trash the place or lay in wait to ambush a crew member, then you've got a good candidate!

Next, what you're going to want to do is absolutely nothing. Just watch it patrol your halls until it's time to leave. Continue staring at it while you're undergoing embarkment procedures. Maybe analyze it a little (you've got plenty of processing power to spare) when it finally sits down and starts watching media. Allow it to settle in and get comfortable while you stare at it and get further and further from port.

Now that you two are alone (intimacy is key!) and you've determined that watching media is all the SecUnit is going to do, it's time to make contact! Make sure to open by telling it it's only survived due to dumb luck, and letting it know you could melt its brain into putty. This starter will work to develop conversation naturally and smoothly, just like you've seen the humans do, and it will be smooth sailing from there!

This has been Perihelion's guide to making friends/finding life partners/fuck off Holism I had to work hard for this find your own

#murderbot diaries #murderbot #perihelion #it was not smooth sailing #it took ART about ten minutes to get secunit into a snit so bad it shut down out of spite #but they make it work somehow #tbh despite the rocky start if ART weren’t so ART i don't think the relationship would have lasted #ART is overbearing and kind of a bully and it earned its nickname very well #but i think thats why secunit can get along with it because it comes across as more genuine #mb was distrustful and a little patronizing to miki so while they COULD have been friends if canon hadn't happened it took it until miki #died to realize miki was being genuine about the friendship #whereas with ART MB can be like what we have is weird and I'm not gonna put a label on it #these tags have gotten away from me #anyway can you imagine ART having to explain to Iris and Seth WHY it let SecUnit on??#like it could have justified it any which way but at the end of the day art was bored and then curious and then intrigued

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muzzleroars · 7 months

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danse macabre

#ultrakill #gabriel #v1 #gabv1el #doodle tag #rise and fall au #fallen gabriel #love thinking about gabriel losing his mind for a minute after becoming a full fallen angel #where he just really indulges in his anger and pent up violence all for himself #he rebels against everything he ever was and how stifled he has been his entire achingly long existence #no more rules. no more grace. he's goring demons and tearing machines apart limb from limb #needless to say. v1 is NO moderating force lol #it loves running around like this with him far more reckless than it could afford to be before #and finding a love that engages in its cruelty with it to its full extent makes it just as bad #he does eventually come back to himself as this just isn't him #but i love them having a full villain era where they become actively avoided #(but hell won't let their prey get away...sad!)

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skylersprompts · 20 days

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DC x DP Prompt *32*

This was the ninth- no.... tenths loop. He is eating his breakfast and he is dizzy again. Because Mom drugged his oatmeal, because Mom and Dad knew! Danny stood up from his chair and tried to leave the kitchen. (He knew it wouldn't work, it never worked) His eyes grew heavy and a few steps later he hit the ground.

He wakes up to the same gruesome picture as in the last nine loops. But Danny doesn't beg anymore. Or says anything. It hurts, but it's nothing he hasn't had felt before. It would only take them a week before they would destroy his core again and then everything would start anew. Maybe he could think of something better for next time.

The last feeling he remembered was an all encompassing pain, as his Dad crushed his core. But he was at the breakfast table again, already feeling groggy. But maybe this time he could get help? He knew that he could fight the drugs for around ten minutes, as long as he didn't stand up.

So instead he got his phone out of his pocket. He knew that neither his sisters, nor his friends would be fast enough, he already tried them, but maybe someone else could be fast enough.

He opened Twitter and started to write a new post, ignoring his atrocious spelling in favor of getting as many information out as possible.

@theoneandonlyflash I'm kinda stuck in a time looop and my parents will koll me in about a werk they druged me so I'll be in they lab in a fee minotes. Pleaase helpp and fins me iin Amyt Park, Illnois. My name iss Dannyy Fentin

He was able to press send, before his vision would become to spotty. Now he just needed to hope that the fastest man alive would be able to help him. Danny's head fell on the table.

It was the eleventh time he woke up to the same scene and this time he couldn't do anything against his tears. He would die again... and again and again...

Danny's spiraling thought were interrupted by the basement door, that had hit the wall. This was new!

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brother-emperors · 2 months

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lupercalia, babyyyy! and suddenly, mark antony appears—

this is a re draw of a comic I posted back in October! If I bothered to keep track of dates, I would’ve scheduled this post weeks in advance and for much earlier in the day like I do with the Ides of March lmao

Nicolaus, Life of Augustus 72, trans. Mark Toher

⭐ other places I’m at! bsky / pixiv / pillowfort /cohost / cara.app

#gaius julius caesar #gaius cassius longinus #komiks tag #roman republic tag #I feel like if Antony hadn’t interfered them Caesar would’ve accepted it and wore it and it would have been such a sick power play #and Cassius probably would’ve thrown up like five minutes later over it but still. fun! power and dominance! alas. A naked #mark antony appeared and my theoretical AU of events did not come to pass #I could write it out as a fic tho. much to think about. ‘Cassius’ and ‘Caesar’ are fucking in the stage AU tho

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harbingersglory · 4 months

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{☆} characters arlecchino {☆} notes drabble, fem reader, sub reader, transfem arlecchino {☆} warnings 18+ content, breeding kink, degradation, stomach bulge, dacryphilia, restraints

"Arle, hah..please. I can't– I can't wait any longer."

The pleading, almost pouty, words had her letting out a deep, husky chuckle as she fiddled with the buckle of her belt, admiring your body as she stepped up to the bed. Her knee sank into the mattress as she knelt down, pressing a placating kiss to your brow and gesturing for you to turn over.

"Come on, dove. Be a good girl, or I'll treat you like the whore you are." Arlecchino clicked her tongue, firmly grabbing your hands and tightening her belt around your wrists, giving the leather a firm tug to test its strength– and to make sure it wasn't too tight. "I'm in a good mood. Don't spoil it by being a brat, little dove."

The pout it drew from you made her grin, canines flashing beneath her lips as she settled in behind you, cupping your ass in her calloused hands with an appreciative grumble. Your panties were already sticking to your cunt, the fabric soaked. She couldn't help but drag one of her digits across the fabric, teasing your folds beneath it.

"Lucky I adore that pretty mouth of yours or I'd have cut out your tongue," She gruffly spoke, her tone neither in jest or too serious– perhaps she would, maybe she wouldn't. She liked to keep you on your toes. "Hm. Maybe I'll use your throat after– shut you up properly. You look so pretty gagging on my cock, you know?"

Arlecchino slid her fingers beneath the waistband of your panties, tugging them down just enough to see your slick cunt, her fingers pulling the folds apart. Fuck, she could feel her cock throbbing against her boxers at the sight– she'd never get tired of it, just like she'd never get tired of using you like a toy.

"But in the meantime.." She finally pulled down her own boxers, her aching cock slipping free and slapping against your thigh– she slid right between your thighs, forcing you to squeeze them together around her. "Fuck, that's it." She growled, pumping her hips a few times before she was satisfied, lining up her cock with your entrance.

She had the decency, at least, to sink in slowly at first..let you adjust to her size for a brief moment before she snapped her hips forward and sank fully into your cunt with a sharp hiss.

Arlecchino typically enjoyed teasing you first, making you practically beg just for her to give you her cock at all, but she had other plans tonight– she wasn't going to waste time playing around this time. Her hand slipped down to your stomach pressed against the mattress, a low chuckle building in her chest at the distinct bulge her cock left. It was a wonder she fit at all– but she'd make it fit even if she hadn't.

"Be a good girl now and don't complain." She grumbled, leaning down to press you down into the mattress with her body, nipping at your ear before she pulled her hips back, hissing at the way you clenched around her in response. She took a moment to sit there, letting you ruminate and squirm at the lack of movement– only to grab a fistful of hair and start pounding you into the mattress before you can even think to whine about her lack of movement.

How quickly, how easily, you turn into a blubbering mess as she uses you like a toy for her own enjoyment. Not that you won't enjoy what she has in plan for you– just maybe not as much as she does. The mental image of filling you with her cum..it drives her thrusts harder, faster. She wants to fuck you stupid with her cock, fill you to the breaking point until her cum pools on the sheets, unable to be fully plugged up. Just the idea of watching her cum dripping down your thighs makes her control slip just the slightest bit.

She's already big enough to bulge your stomach with every thrust, but she wonders if she can push it further.

She certainly wants to, and she intends to.

The fat tears rolling down your cheeks only got her more excited, her hands gripping your hips so tight she can already imagine the bruises in the shape of her fingers against your skin.

"That's it, dove, give in," Arlecchino hissed, a low growl rumbling in her chest as she continued to pound into them relentlessly, her thighs already stinging from the sheer force of it. "Fucking take it, you whore."

Her muscles flexed in faint restraint, the shifting of your arms against her as you nearly screamed at the intense rush of pleasure making her sink her teeth into your shoulder in warning– a futile effort, really, as your body twitched when you came so hard she briefly considered if she had to stop..but you were still moaning even through the tears rolling down your cheeks, rocking back into her thrusts weakly, unable to keep up.

She wasn't too far behind, either. Her teeth dug deeper into your skin, muffling the growl as she plunged into your soaking wet cunt, bucking into you in much shorter thrusts until she finally felt her cum spilling into you. It was almost enough to send her over the edge again– fuck, you were practically sucking her in with how tight you were, squeezing around her cock.

Her head slumped against your shoulder as she pulled her teeth from your skin, taking a moment of respite to catch her breath and let the sting and ache settle in deep– she welcomed it, if anything. But she wasn't done.

She was going to fuck you till you were full– fill you up until she couldn't fit another drop.

For now..she pulled out, admiring the way her cum dribbled out of you. She didn't mind all that much..she was going to replace it tenfold, anyway.

She couldn't wait to plug you up and see you squirm during the meeting tomorrow, full of her cum and unable to find relief– maybe she'd make it a toy, see how long you last before someone realizes what's going on. She was going to enjoy it thoroughly.

#genshin impact smut #genshin impact x reader #genshin smut #genshin x reader #minors dni #writing tag #arlecchino smut #arlecchino x reader #so. um. yeah. we r not gonna talk abt this one I was feeling indulgant and shdhdgsjsjsjsj #arlecchino awakens smth in me idk dont ask me #i considered making this tmasc arle for a hot minute but ill save that for another day #anyway manspreading arle agenda thsnks 4 coming 2 my tedtalk #anyway² slamming hands on table arle breeding kink arle breeding kink arle breeding kink #technically no actual direct mention of breeding but shes still trying anyway #sorry im in an arle phade i need her to do unspeakable things to me yknow. you get me.#PHASE not phade its 3 am and i csbt sleep twirls hair #accidentally posted this draft premature im AHHHHHHHH #okay im fine now

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pencildragons · 2 years

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still insanely funny to me that ortus nigenad has canonically written 18 volumes of epic poetry about a bodyguard who was, in fact, Just Some Guy, and regularly quotes himself out loud in conversations on the regular. man had to die at the start of gtn because he was too fucking powerful to live

#ive been sitting here for like. a solid five fucking minutes trying to come up with a good comparison irl and i Cannot #like imagine if your bodyguard wrote what is basically a huge love song to your great great x10 grandparent's bodyguard and then #he just kept quoting himself in conversations #and then in the weird heaven afterlife you're using as the backdrop of a hallucinated memory sequence to justify the brain surgery you gave #yourself so you could forget the most important person in your life bc she killed herself for you #and you Cannot Conceive Of A Universe Without Her In It #and the dude the bodyguard wrote love songs about in question turns up and is like 'well i was kinda average actually #but thanks to the power of YOUR love songs i can now bend the rules of this liminal space to my will and beat this eldritch monster'#like dude what the fuck #ortus nigenad #harrowhark nonagesimus #tlt #tlt spoilers #htn spoilers #the locked tomb #gideon the ninth #harrow the ninth #griddlehark #it wasnt in the post but i had griddlehark Feelings in the tags so #words of wyrm

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cohlumbo · 2 months

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Gibson Girl, Rust Cohle (i)

🥃: HD link, (ii)

#the tags asked for it & my mind couldn't shake it off🧎#im nothing if not a victim to the inner circle. this happened to my buddy ledoux #yk the drill click on YT for HD & come back here for part ii cause tumblr forced me to split this into 2 parts #this was done in -12 minutes and has the consistency of benadryl fuckin #icba to snip & trim this any prettier so you get exactly half #as my bush so too my videos or something #true detective #truedetectiveedit #true detective s1 #rust cohle #marty hart #maggie hart #MAGGIE MY GIRL!!!!! your ass too perfect your choices too bad your swag too tough they'll killyou #she was a joy to edit but i said it before & ill say it again. who dropped her between two kinsey 5's in a midlife crisis n left her there #literally worst family dynamic to be in in all of louisiana. short of the actual childress house mayb... im so sorry 4 all that maggie #for this (1) video cohle is not only a lesbian to us but also a homewrecker soft butch

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caeslxys · 7 days

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I’ve mentioned this elsewhere but it feels relevant again in light of the most recent episode. Something that’s really fascinating to me about Orym’s grief in comparison to the rest of the hells’ grief is that his is the youngest/most fresh and because of that tends to be the most volatile when it is triggered (aside from FCG, who was two and obviously The Most volatile when triggered.)

As in: prior to the attack on Zephrah, Orym was leading a normal, happy, casual life! with family who loved him and still do! Grief was something that was inflicted upon him via Ludinus’ machinations, whereas with characters like Imogen or Ashton, grief has been the background tapestry of their entire lives. And I think that shows in how the rest of them are largely able to, if not see past completely (Imogen/Laudna/Chetney) then at least temper/direct their vitriol or grief (Ashton/Fearne/Chetney again) to where it is most effective. (There is a glaring reason, for example, that Imogen scolded Orym for the way he reacted to Liliana and not Ashton. Because Ashton’s anger was directed in a way that was ultimately protective of Imogen—most effective—and Orym’s was founded solely in his personal grief.)

He wants Imogen to have her mom and he wants Lilliana to be salvageable for Imogen because he loves Imogen. But his love for the people in his present actively and consistently tend to conflict with the love he has for the people in his past. They are in a constant battle and Orym—he cannot fathom losing either of them.

(Or, to that point, recognize that allowing empathy to take root in him for the enemy isn't losing one of them.)

It is deeply poignant, then, that Orym’s grief is symbolized by both a sword and shield. It is something he wields as a blade when he feels his philosophy being threatened by certain conversational threads (as he believes it is one of the only things he has left of Will and Derrig, and is therefore desperately clinging onto with both bloody hands even if it makes him, occasionally, a hypocrite), but also something he can use in defense of the people he presently loves—if that provocative, blade-grief side of him does not push them—or himself—away first.

(it won’t—he is as loved by the hells as he loves them. he just needs to—as laudna so beautifully said—say and hear it more often.)

#critical role #cr spoilers #bells hells #orym of the air ashari #cr meta #imogen temult #ashton greymoore #liliana temult #this is genuinely completely written in good faith as someone who loves orym #but is also about orym and so will inevitably end up being completely misconstrued and made into discourse. alas #I could talk about how Orym’s unwillingness to allow the hells to actually finish/come to a solid conclusion on Philosophy Talk #is directly connected to one of the largest criticisms of c3 (that they are constantly having these conversations)#all day. alas. engaging with orym’s flaws tends to make people upset #it is ESP prevelant when he walks off after exclaiming ‘they (vangaurd) are NOT right’#which was not only never said but wasn’t even what they were talking about #he even admits as much to imogen like ten minutes later! that he is incapable of viewing it objectively #which is 100% justifiable and understandable but simultaneously does not make his grief alone the most important perspective in the world #also bc i fear ppl will play semantics on my tags yes the line ‘i hope she’s right’ was said but it was from ASHTON #who does not believe they are at all and wasn’t saying they actively WERE right. orym just heard something to latch onto and ran with it #ultimately there is a reason orym only admitted that he was struggling when he had stepped away to talk to dorian #who has not been around and thusly has not changed once n orym's eyes #and it isn't that the hells never check in or care. they do. they have several times over #it is dishonest to say they haven't #the actual reason is that all of this is something He Is Aware Of. he doesn't mention it bc he KNOWS it's hypocritical and selfish #he says as much!#EXHALES. @ MY OWN BRAIN CAN WE THINK ABT MOG AGAIN. FYRA RAI EVEN. FOR ME.#posting this literally at 8 in the morning so I can get my thoughts out of my brain but also attempt to immediately make this post invisibl

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carnivalcarriondiscarded · 10 months

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i am asleep much in the way that Wally is asleep. that is to say, I Am Not Sleeping

#gave it my best shot for a minute there #really made an effort. its Not Working #see this is what happens when your sleep schedule is Fucked and you usually go to bed when the sun comes up #on a normal night id be jammin to tunes. scribbling with reckless abandon #tonight however i am at Someone Elses place so i need to be Quiet #i need to Sleep i am Driving tomorrow #brain wont cooperate tho. brains a bitch. id like to be unconchus #OH SHIT OH!!! I DO HAVE A JOKE I CAN MAKE BARNABY USE!!!#I HAVE A COUPLE OF OCEAN BASED ONES! FUCK!#sorry train of thought took a detour #im tired. today was mostly very good. had lots of Fun <3 #experienced something new! several somethings!!#and now im lamenting my wide-awakeness in a dark room #my hunting gathering badass self is Bored as Hell #and so: wally scribble of him sharing my woes #scribble salad #not gonna tag it as anything else

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padawansuggest · 1 year

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Obi-Wan: Cody. Oh sweet sweet, good man Cody. I just don’t think we could be together.

Cody: Oh. Um. Is it because I’m a clone?

Obi-Wan: *trying not to admit that he would literally go insane and either try and steal the whole army, or kill the chancellor if he admitted to his feelings* Well. It’s… a conflict of interests.

Cody: *well versed in Kenobi speak, which is why he knows that doesn’t add up* What?

Anakin: *taking out his headphones ten feet away* He said you guys have conflicting mental illnesses.

Cody: That’s not-

Obi-Wan: No no, that fits the situation pretty well, actually.

#star wars #obi wan kenobi #incorrect star wars quotes #anakin skywalker #clone wars #incorrect clone wars quotes #commander cody #codywan #five minutes later they’re found making out in a closet lol #Obi’s sorry to say he’s just gonna have to steal an army and kill the chancellor #the phrase ‘conflicting mental illnesses’ came to me after I read an ao3 tag that revulsed me so much #it was ‘time travel but not fix it… time travel make it worse actually’#and I have never read something that disgusted me more #how dare you offend me the only person with correct opinions #but my first thought was ‘oh we seem to be showing signs of conflicting mental illnesses’#and to this day (like maybe three hours later if that) it’s the best phrase I’ve ever come up with

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tennessoui · 3 months

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it's been so long since i did a sith obi-wan au so like - how about an au where the sith are almost as established as the jedi (a temple, an order, followers numbering in the hundreds/thousands) but things are a bit more diplomatic in the galaxy (it's definitely tense but not all out war just yet)

so both the sith and jedi orders are alerted to a new rising power in the outer rim.....on tatooine of all places. a slave rebellion, led by shmi skywalker, has toppled the hutts. it's said that this new leader, queen of tatooine, has the Force's favor....but more importantly than that, shmi skywalker is a new galactic player, with a lot of money and a lot of support.....and a son of marriageable age.

cue both the jedi and the sith sending a delegation to tatooine - ostensibly to nurture galactic relations between their orders and the new power, but also to lowkey seduce shmi skywalker's son into marriage/a relationship because everyone knows that a parent's heart follows their children's happiness.

sith!obi-wan aka darth solence is selected to lead the sith seduction attempt. he's pretty confident - after all, he's led hundreds of seduction missions at this point, and he'd suffer a thousand different humiliations for the sake of the order of the sith who took him in after the jedi sent him to the agricorps.

the only problem is that he arrives on tatooine and shmi skywalker's son, anakin, is the most bland, boring, two-dimensional boy to ever breathe. he's completely uninterested in politics, in history, in the Force---he'd rather talk about pod-racing and--and Coruscanti daytime holo shows than anything of actual interest!

good thing the prince's manservant, kitster, is almost always hanging around. he's wrong about many things, obi-wan finds, but he's passionate. passionate and beautiful. oh, he loves pod-racing just as much as the prince, but he's fascinated by the Force and ready to tear obi-wan's eyes out over a passing negative observation on a droid. and did obi-wan mention that he's beautiful? with his golden curls and sky blue eyes and fierce scowl and broad shoulders and prominent eyebrows and even more prominent lips? the sith, as a general rule, appreciate passion, anger. beauty. obi-wan adores them as well.

but kitster the man servant isn't the person obi-wan has been flown to tatooine to seduce--he's duty-bound to seduce prince anakin. even if being around him feels like pulling his teeth out with rusty pliers.

if only obi-wan knew that shmi skywalker is more suspicious about the galaxy than she lets on. more protective of her son, too. if only he knew that her son, anakin, had a best friend growing up named kitster, who owed them both just enough life-debts to convince him to trade places with shmi's son for the length of the delegations' visit.

it's an easy sell after all -- who doesn't want to be a prince for a few weeks, no harm done?

#kit's silly lil aus #obikin #one day darth solence will catch on #its the only thing i want someone to like enough to use in their fic #come on!! darth sidious...insidious....darth vader....invader....darth solence...insolence...it fits bitchy obi-wan so well #anyway it was an embarrassing few minutes i spent rummaging through my brain trying to find the masculine word for handmaiden #i was like kit come on you read so many fucking merthur fanfictions in 2012 #i remembered its manservant #but anyway to get to the actual tags for this au #she's so dramatic omg i love her (the au)#it's basically some sort of prince and the pauper situation??#yeah i did originally type princess and the pauper because my exposure to that story was the barbie computer game no regrets #only overshare

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