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sunflowerkissess · 2 years

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celine helps taking care of her sick mummy

masterlist

request:

— Hi I was wondering if you could please write something about mateo going through terrible twos and Harry and yn dealing with them

summary: y/n's sick and its in harry and celine's hands to take care of her for her to get better

word count: 8.8k+

warnings: sick y/n, symptoms of the flu, mentions of vomiting, vomiting, mentions of blood, sad celine, typical two year old throwing a tantrum, fluff, language, a small mention of smut

note: i wrote half of this while coming down with a cold 😂

UPDATE (04/21/2024): HI! It's been a long time and people probably don't read this anymore since then, but I'm making changes and updating this series. Celine is Harry and Y/N's first born daughter since Harry seems more like a girl dad lol. So the name Celine means, heavenly and her birthday is October 15, 2015.

Feedback and reblogs are appreciated!

Enjoy!

—

Harry was woken up to the bed jolting and his tattooed arm flopped onto the bed for what felt like the millionth time. The warmth where his once sick girlfriend once laid was the only remaining thing that told she was once there. Y/N has fallen sick overnight from catching the flu from the primary school she worked at from one of her co-workers not wanting to call in to get better, rather going into the school and spreading the illness no one wants. And Harry has been doing his best as a boyfriend to make sure that she has been taken care of without waking up their two-year-old daughter whose room was a few doors down the hall- meaning Harry was extra careful when it came to walking up and down the stairs to grab water and something easy for Y/N to eat and drink.

Harry sighed sadly as he sat up on the bed with his bare tattooed chest and torso on display to the cool air of their bedroom and the early morning light seeping through the sheer white curtains. Along with the horrible sound of Y/N spewing what he's given her a few hours prior into the toilet, the sound breaking Harry's heart hearing her cough and gag from the horrid taste of the bile that was creeping its way up her throat.

Each sound hitting Harry’s heart with a knife and like someone was twisting it to cause more pain.

Harry pushed the sheets and comforter off his body to leave him in his black joggers sitting low on his hips that showed off the laurels on his hips as he sluggishly made his way to the en suite bathroom door that was wide open from his girlfriend’s rush to get to the toilet before she threw up all over their plush carpet and the tiled floor of the bathroom. The usual bathroom lights that are usually bright and white were dialed down to create a more dark light so she wouldn’t get headaches from the light attacking her sensitive eyes and making her even more sick.

Before him was Y/N with her head resting against the cool white porcelain with goosebumps coated her skin from the cool air from the bathroom, the tiles, and the toilet seat. Her eyes were closed with sweat decorating her skin and hair that was sticking to her face from her hot temperature. She was wearing Harry’s black t-shirt that he wore to bed and light blue cotton shorts that once matched the long sleeved shirt that she wore to get warm but took it off because she was too hot.

Now here she is, taking deep breaths in and out and moves her head around to find another cold spot on the porcelain seat. Harry walked over and knelt down beside her and moved some of her sweaty hair out of her eyes with pouty lips and felt a burning sensation in eyes from seeing his girlfriend sick. Y/N leaned into Harry’s touch with closed eyes and a hum from the butterfly feeling of his fingertips against her temple.

Her skin was hot to the touch, too hot and not the normal temperature for a body to have. Harry had his brows drawn forward as he pressed his cold palm against her hot temple. His girlfriend leaned closer to his touch with a satisfied, scratchy hum. The heat from her temple was already heating up the palm of his hand and he had it placed there for a few seconds!

“You’re really hot, darlin’.” Harry stated, placing the back of his hand against her temple. Y/N’s achy body shook with laughter that was soon replaced with a harsh cough, making Harry quickly remove his hand and place it on her back and rubbing it comfortingly as she worked her way through the coughing fit that seemed to take forever to cease.

Y/N then cleared her throat to get rid of the mucus and disgusting stuff in her throat, along with a sore throat, and opened her tired eyes to look at her boyfriend with a weak smile. Her chapped lips have cracks stretching across the chapped skin but no blood. Butterflies flapped and soared through their tummies as they looked at each other along with the flutter and quick beats of their hearts as they made eye contact.

Seeing Harry with his moss green eyes with his messy, bedhead chocolate curls made him handsome despite him having a few hours of sleep to be by her side and to take care of her. She could tell that he was tired from his eyes trying to close for him to go to sleep but he’s fighting all just for her and to get her better.

Even if it meant him getting sick and taking care of their two year old.

“Wow, thanks babe. It’s been awhile since you’ve called me hot,” Y/N spoke hoarsely, staring at her boyfriend from a reaction from her words. “So are you.” She added, feeling a hotter warmth fill her cheeks. Harry sighed annoyingly through his nose and out his mouth. He moved his hand from her back to cup her hot cheek as he looked at her with a stare that made her feel like a dart board from how intimidating his stare is.

Harry leaned forward a bit— neither of them caring about his morning breath— as he continued to stare at his girlfriend who was looking at him with an annoying smirk from getting a reaction out of him from her words.

“Love, as much as I love you, but right now isn’t the time for flirting. As much as I accept the compliment.” He began, caressing the sweaty cheekbone softly with the pad of his thumb as he continued to look into his girlfriend’s beautiful, yet, tired eyes with worry. “I mean it, you’re really hot.”

"I mean it too, you're really hot too." Y/N replied, the slight cough making it out her mouth. She knows that he meant her temperature, but she still likes taking the piss and getting on his nerves. She lightly jabbed his ankle with her foot to get more of a reaction. She saw a pink flush appear on her boyfriend's cheeks and his chest along with a smile trying to fight its way on his lips as he looked down at the tiled ground. The cute fucking dimples she loves to death, and that Celine has inherited from her father along with Harry's cute little front teeth, dimples cratering the ends of Harry's lips.

“Y/N.” Harry stated in a serious tone despite him getting all flustered and blushy from her comments about how hot he is and herself. Twisting his words to get him annoyed and worked up even when she’s sick and throwing up whatever she ate. He had his moss green eyes looking up at her with his head lifted up a little bit to see her. The sight made the butterflies’ wings in her belly flutter even more and made her feel all gooey and mushy inside from how handsome her boyfriend is inside and out.

“Harry.” Y/N repeated the tone of her boyfriend with the same smirk on her face as she stared at him along with feeling gooey and happy while staring at her boyfriend. Harry lifted his head fully to look up at her with a stern look on his face. Brows furrowed at her with a straight line— the dimples no longer trying to fight their ways on the end of his lips. His eyes traced over her sweaty face as the sickness took over her.

“I’m being serious, m’love. You’re really temperature is high and I’m gettin’ worried.” Harry stressed as he looked over at the love of his life. Y/N felt her heart felt at her boyfriend’s worriedness and how he was still caressing her cheekbone with concern and gentleness like she was glass and might break if he pressed too hard on her cheekbone and might crack.

"You've seen me like this when I was pregnant with Celine, Harry." Y/N brought up with a hoarse laugh that caused her to clear her throat roughly to get rid of the gunk that was gathered in her throat. Harry immediately moved his hand from her face to the sweaty and greasy strands to hold them back from getting vomit in her hair if she felt like she was going to throw up again.

Harry felt like his heart was sinking lower and lower in his chest as he watched Y/N open her mouth as she cleared her throat and gagged to get whatever out of her throat. He was biting his lower lip as he held her hair in a ponytail in his grasp. He wishes that he can just make her feel better immediately and not miserable with the awful flu that goes around during the fall and winter.

She's supposed to go to work in a few hours and won’t be back till three or four. Harry would be watching their daughter after she goes to work and he has a meeting to go to- meaning he'll have to drop the two year old off at Gemma's since she complained about not seeing her niece as of late and she misses her-. And afterwards when his meeting is over and she's home from work, along with dinner being done, they were going to head out to get some early Christmas present shopping since it was around that time of the year to get presents for everyone in their families.

Of course they were going to bring Celine because she'll throw a fit if she's dropped off at Anne's and not with her parents, and they'll have to get things for the older people in their families. Because as soon as they go into a toy store or down the toy aisle then Harry’s little mini me would want everything that meets her little green eyes. Then whining and throwing a tantrum when he can't get the toys that he wants- probably most being on the list that Harry and Y/N made for themselves and their families to get from their daughter for Christmas-.

But now with his sick girlfriend laying the side of her head on the porcelain toilet seat with droopy eyes and weak heaving from the sickness that was taking its course over her body that its decided by himself and the state of her wellbeing that none of that will be happening today or tomorrow if she’s still not feeling better.

However, Y/N will try putting up a fight to go and do the things that she wants to do with Harry and Celine after work. But Harry isn't going down without a fight with her.

“Yeah, but your morning sickness doesn’t have you sweating this much. And you did sweat in your first trimester but not this much.” Harry stated, rubbing circles on her back to ease the ache that was all over her body. Y/N sighed in relief and closed her eyes with a small cough leaving her throat along with a rough clear of her throat. He remembers being by Y/N’s side during the first three months of her pregnancy back in 2015 when he was home and not on tour for One Direction, or they were in London, or Y/N was on tour with them till it was around the time for her to be back in their shared home when it got close to the end of her pregnancy.

Hours spent in the bathroom with Y/N over the toilet with Harry using one of his hair ties that was around his wrist to have her strands in a messy bun so that her hair was out of her face. He was rubbing her back and pressed butterfly kisses to the back of her neck and back to be there for her. Wishing that he can take the horrible feeling that his girlfriend of two years, at the time, was feeling and hug her tight.

And now here they are together for four years with a two year old that is adorable as even and they love so fucking much. Harry is doing what he always does for Y/N when she’s not feeling well and everything is the same with her comments when he makes a statement of her being hot because of her temperature. And complimenting him about his appearance.

“I think you should stay home, m’love.” Harry suggested as he continued rubbing circles on her back with furrowed brows as he awaited her answer. Y/N lifted her head up a little from the toilet seat to look at her boyfriend like he was insane from what he just said. She was slightly shaking from the body chills from the fever and sweat coating her skin. Glistening under the lowlights of the bathroom that show off her beauty and everything that Harry loves about her, even when she’s sick he still finds her beautiful.

"What did you just say?" Y/N asked him in a scratchy voice, clearing her throat roughly as she stared him down with a look that could shoot daggers into him. While she was sweating and looked miserable, if looks could kill then this would be the look that she's currently giving him. “Harry, I have to go in. I had this whole cute lesson planned out for the holidays for the kids. I promised them it’ll be a fun day with games and movies.” Her eyes started to become watery as she stared at her soulmate. “I can’t break the promise I made to them.”

"Darlin'," Harry sighed sadly and moved his hand that was on her back and cupped her sweaty cheek. "You're sweating pinballs, and your temperature isn't normal. You've been throwing up throughout the night. You need to stay home and let me take care of you till you get better. The kids will understand, they love you just as much as Celine does. As much as I do. Your wellbeing is my priority and I hate seeing you like this." He told her softly as he looked into her eyes. But Y/N wasn't going to give in easily as she rolled her eyes at her boyfriend's words at shifted on her numb legs from sitting on the cold tiled floor of the bathroom.

“I’ll be okay, babe. I’ll just take a shower, take some medicine, and then I’ll be–” She started to list off but she was cut off when she felt the awful tasting bile that was creeping up her throat with a burning sensation mixed with her sore throat. This caused her to immediately turn her head to the toilet bowl with her hands gripping the porcelain toilet seat and started throwing up the contents that were in her stomach that the flu didn’t seem to like.

Harry immediately held her hair back from her sweaty face as she gagged and threw up more with the vomit making noise from the vomit meeting the water. Harry felt his eyes water and burn from the tears from seeing Y/N sick and throwing up with weak cries leaving her lips. The tears were from the horrid smell of the vomit that was filling up the bathroom. He was kissing the top of her head with his eyes closed to stop the tears from falling down his light red cheeks.

His heart was breaking more and more as he felt his girlfriend shake from the chills that made its way through her body.

“See, proved my point.” Harry joked lightly which earned him a groan from his girlfriend. Y/N pulled away from the toilet and went back to her previous position she once was in when he found her with her eyes closed with Harry’s hand falling onto her lap. His hand gripping her goosebump covered thigh.

"Why are you always right?" She asked him sickly, opening her eyes a tad to look at him through her lashes to look at him. Harry chuckled lightly as he continued to caress the skin and scooted closer to her. She gave up more quickly than she usually does, meaning that she's really miserable and wants her boyfriend to take care of her.

"I'm not always right, Y/N. It's just I can tell you've got a bloody fever that's causing you to be miserable and it breaks my heart to see you like this m'love. You've taken care of people who need it and don't need it. Always putting them first, and that's what makes me love you s'much." His words caused her skin to become even warmer as she stared into his eyes that she got lost in when they talked together and in the bedroom when they were able to get alone time. The light in his eyes gets brighter and soft when he looks at her. She already knows how much Harry loves staring into her eyes or at her when she's not looking at her, telling her that he's written and will continue to write many songs about her.

The good times they will have or had together, the bad times that they go through. Songs about their little love bubble that his fans got to see: at concerts, in Harry's songs, sneaky pictures that fans take, in interviews where they can hear Y/N and Celine in the background but barely, when Harry would talk about Y/N and their daughter in interviews when asked about the two people that make his world brighter every day, he gets to be with them. Or during a concert when he'd read signs that would have him bring up Y/N and Celine. Allowing the fans a little peek at the woman that their favorite artist and crush gets to be with along with their daughter that looks like her dad.

"You took care of me for the whole entire recovery after the surgery I had on my wrist. I took care of you when you were pregnant with Celine. With Celine's help. It's our turn" Harry softly spoke to her, afraid that if he were to speak any louder and broke her out of her love-filled stare, causing her to blink a little followed by the stingy tears to Y/N's eyes and her heart floated with joy from his words. He wanted to take care of her, even though he's done that already and continues to do so. But she feels horrible with this flu making her feel ache and not herself.

Right now she just wants to go to bed and sleep off the drowsiness and stay in bed all day. But she needs to call into work and inform them she won't be able to make it due to being sick with the flu.

"Okay." Y/N sighed, looking at her boyfriend. Harry's moss green eyes lit up in happiness and relief at her simple way of telling him that he can take care of her. His heart beating with joy and a soft smile itching at his pink lips appeared as he reached his hands out for her to take to help her stand up.

She placed her hands in his big ones and sighed at the warmth of his palms and placed the bottom of her feet on the cold tile of the bathroom floor and pushed up.

"Let's get you in the shower, m'love. I'll take care of Celine afterwards while you rest. We'll bring you something to eat and drink. Give you a cuddle after you're done eating." Harry listed off after she was up on her feet and cuddled up against his warm tattooed chest with her eyes closed.

All he got as an answer from her was a simple nod and a sigh of relief and tiredness seeping into her bones. Harry smiled at the top of her head and told her to wait for a few minutes so he can gather her and himself fresh clean clothes after they get out of the bath. He was going to wash her hair and body since she was tired and was ready to go to bed.

Afterwards the two of them relaxed in the warm water in the bathtub with Y/N's face tucked into her boyfriends neck half asleep while Harry lightly ran the tips of his fingers against her skin. Pressing kisses along the side of her neck and shoulder with his own damp stands tickling her skin.

A few more minutes pass and Y/N's in one of Harry's faded band shirts with a pair of one of Harry's joggers to keep her warm and the covers over her sleeping form. She called into work to say that she won't be able to make it in and Harry called in to inform everyone he won't be able to make it to the meeting.

Harry hovered over her for a few more seconds, in his fresh clean clothes that were a white t-shirt and another pair of joggers. He tucked her in tight and moved some of her freshly washed strands out of her face and placed butterfly kisses on her skin before walking out of their shared bedroom with the tv playing quietly in the background of one of y/n’s favorite shows.

Now it was time to get Celine up for the day and let Y/N rest so she could get better.

–

“NO! I WANT TO DO THAT DADDY!” Celine screeched, causing Harry’s ears to ring from the high-pitched sound that echoed throughout the kitchen where the father and daughter were currently in. It’s now midday and the two year old has been in her terrible twos mood ever since she noticed that her mummy isn’t around nor up. Usually, Celine is just fine with one of them while the other is busy- it’s usually the other way around, Celine wanting Harry instead of being with Y/N- but it seems like Celine wants Y/N today after being told that her mummy isn’t feeling good. Despite Harry telling his mini me that she needs rest and can’t be up.

But Celine being only two years old doesn’t understand that well to what her daddy means mummy isn’t ‘feeling well’ so she proceeded to throw herself on the floor of the and scream in frustration since she’s not able to express how she’s feeling at all. She was kicking and hitting the floor with fat pinballs of tears running down her cheeks. Harry swears he felt his heart break into a million pieces once more today. One from his sick girlfriend and now from his upset daughter.

Harry got on the floor and picked up his daughter and cradled her with rocks back and forth to calm her down by kissing the top of her messy chestnut curls that she inherited from her father. Luckily afterwards, Harry was able to keep the two year old occupied by putting on Finding Nemo (reference to poor sick baby) since Celine loved Crush and Squirt. He even got construction paper with markers and crayons for his mini me to color and draw with to make her mummy a 'get well soon mummy’ card.

That gave Harry enough time to let Harry sneak upstairs to check up on Y/N to see if she was okay and if she needed anything. She seemed to be staying in bed mostly, the messy bed from her moving around to get comfortable and warm. As well as her getting up to use the bathroom or getting a drink out of a water bottle Harry left for her earlier.

Unfortunately, a cute movie about a clownfish and a pacific blue tang fish that has short-term memory looking for his daughter and going on an adventure with meeting characters that kids love dearly wasn’t enough to get the tantrum-filled toddler occupied or stopping the terrible twos tantrum from coming back.

Harry stopped adding the carrots, onions, and celery into the mixture and sweet-smelling soup that was in the silver metal pot that was sitting on the hot stovetop. He looked over at the two year old, who was wearing a pale pink pajama set with little deers all over them, some in front of a little bouquet of flowers. Her chestnut curls untamed from not being brushed like Y/N would do when getting the two year old for the day.

Harry felt his heart break into a million pieces as he looked down at the crying toddler that was standing on the black cushion of a chestnut wooden chair so that she could reach the metal pot with the wooden spoon that she was holding to stir the soup to perfection. His mini me’s cheeks red from crying and her green eyes are already getting red with more crystalline tears gathering along the waterline.

Harry immediately cleaned his hands of the vegetables with a towel and turned the knob on the stove to turn down the temperature so the soup wouldn’t burn and there wouldn’t be black stuff gathering to the top of the soup that is supposed to help his sick girlfriend upstairs feel better and not yucky.

Harry bent down to be eye level with the crying two year old who was clutching the wooden spoon like it was the last thing keeping him together before losing her shit. Harry felt his heart shatter and the other side of his entire world fall apart, Y/N and Celine making his whole world. Just the two of them making it whole, along with performing for his fans. But it’s mainly just his family that he comes home to and is with him when he’s on stage.

“Celi-bear, daddy doesn’t want you getting hurt. The pot is hot, and daddy doesn’t want you burning your little hands when you try to put the vegetables in the soup.” Harry gently told the two year old, cupping Celine’s adorable chubby cheeks that were hot to the touch because of her normal body temperature and because of the harsh tears that were making streams down her cheeks. The two year old was sniffling as she looked into her father’s matching eyes, her chest heaving as she stared at her father.

The toddler’s mind does not understand what she is being told and she can’t express herself the way her parents do when they’re together. Either it be Celine watching her daddy dancing with his mummy in the kitchen when she’s trying to make Celine’s snack. Fleetwood Mac playing in the background, mostly Say You Love Me playing loudly from Harry’s phone. Y/N laughing as Harry clumsily dances with her in the kitchen and presses kisses against her lips while murmuring the lyrics against her lips with a smile of his own.

To Y/N and Harry playing with Celine, Harry lightly tossed the toddler up in the air as Celine squealed as she felt the air running through her chocolate curls. And Harry holding his mini me tightly in his arms to let Y/N tickle her belly and feet. It was a cute domestic moment that takes place either in their home or during a tour backstage or in their hotel room.

The only thing that the two year old doesn’t see is when Y/N and Harry had an argument and aren’t talking to calm down before they are lashing out and causing another fight. Something that happened when they were nineteen years old, and Harry was home from the Where We Are Tour. It was over an article she read on him and asked him because of her insecurities, letting them take over her mind and causing a fight to break out between the two of them.

This also caused them to take a little bit of a break, only a few texts here and there and short-ended phone calls. But they’re better now, being together for eight years with a happy two year old and a healthy relationship.

Harry was snapped out of his thoughts by the clatter of the wooden spoon falling onto the kitchen floor and the sound of his child’s wailing echoing throughout the kitchen and possibly through the entire house. Even the neighbors probably heard him from how loud his wails are.

Harry immediately picked up the crying two year old and propped her on his hip. Rubbing Celine’s back and hugging him to get her to calm down instead of yelling at her. However, instead of giving into the hug like she usually does when being given a hug from either of her parents or both. The two year old tries to push her daddy away with her little hands with fat tears running down her cheeks with more gathering at his waterline. The action broke Harry’s heart even more, causing more and more cracks in the organ if that’s even possible.

But it certainly feels like it.

“Celine, it’s okay. Daddy just doesn’t want you getting hurt.” Harry cooed as he continued to rub the two year old’s back. Celine is trying to get out of her father’s grasp and is relentless. She was crying even harder, and she shook his head with her curls going everywhere. Some of the chocolate curls sticking to her wet face.

“No, no, no, no.” Celine repeated in a wobbly voice with her bottom lip wobbling from the sobs that were trying to escape her lips to make it known that she’s upset, typically Celine’s terrible twos aren’t as horrible as others are- sometimes they are, sometimes they’re not, basically fifty to fifty with Celine-. Harry felt his own eyes burn for what feels like infinity at this point seeing his girlfriend and daughter getting upset for two different things. One was sick and one is going through a terrible twos tantrum right now.

“You can’t put them in right now Celine. Daddy doesn’t want you getting hurt by the hot pot,” Harry repeated himself and looked at the pot that was cool by now by being put to a stop so it wouldn’t get burnt. But the white steam that was coming from the soup meant that it was still warm and not done. Maybe lightly touching the metal pot so it wouldn’t hurt the pads of Harry’s fingers and hand. Pretending that it burnt his hand and telling Celine that it hurt maybe she’ll understand better.

Celine was whining and reaching up with her tiny fingers to grab at Harry’s messy curls to get her daddy’s attention.

“Daddy.” Celine whined, giving another sharp tug at Harry’s curls once more to get Harry’s attention. And it worked, Harry hissed from the stinging sensation from his daughter’s fingers. Harry ripped his eyes away from the metal pot and lightly grabbed his child’s little wrist and pulled it away from the strands.

This caused the two year old to whine louder in frustration and yank her wrist out of her father’s gentle grasp. More tears were falling from her green eyes with her chubby cheeks full of streams from the tears. Even Harry wiping them away doesn’t make the redness that blooms on the two year old’s cheeks any less noticeable.

“Celine, don’t do that,” Harry told his mini me gently. “Hurts daddy.” He added. This didn’t go well with the two year old and an even louder cry escaped the two year old’s lips and this time with a hit to Harry’s shoulder. It didn’t hurt but still she needs to learn not to hit to express how she’s feeling. Harry’s gaze on his daughter turned into a stern look with his brows furrowed.

“Celine Anne Styles.” Harry spoke, he was in complete dad mode. His voice rumbled through his chest as he stared his daughter down. Celine immediately stopped crying and looked up at her dad with glassy green eyes and her mouth opened agape. The toddler sniffled as she stared at her daddy to hear what he needed to say. The two year old knew that she was in trouble if either of her parents had to use their 'parent tone’ with her when she’s done something she’s not supposed to do. Like, hitting or biting for example, but this was the first time Celine has done this.

“You don’t hit daddy, Celi-Bear. That’s not how you deal with your emotions. You don’t see mummy, daddy, nana, or aunt Gemma do that, do you?” Harry told his daughter, his heart breaking as he maintained eye contact with his daughter’s glassy green eyes. He felt Celine’s chest stutter from all the crying she’s done. The two year old shook her head slowly with a few more tears falling from her eyes, making Harry instinctively reach up with his hand that wasn’t holding his daughter on his hip and wipe away the tears. His own pink lips in a pout as he stared at his mini me.

“It breaks daddy’s heart to see you upset sweetheart, hurts mummy as well. Even when you hit me.” Harry whispered to the two year old. Celine’s eyes wandered all over Harry’s face with her breath stuttering from her crying.

“I’m sw-orry, daddy.” Celine lisped out an apology with a stutter in her accented voice. Harry felt his heart melt with his mini me’s apology, and he is going to accept immediately instead of some parents who don’t accept their two year old’s apology and make the two year old feel horrible. No, that’s not how Harry and Y/N do.

“It’s okay Celine, daddy accepts your apology.” Harry cooed, hugging his sad daughter to his chest. This time Celine wraps her little arms around her daddy’s neck with a little smile on her lips. Harry smiled as well as he pressed a kiss to the side of his daughter’s head, with the strands of her curls tickling Harry’s nose. Harry slightly swayed back and forth in the kitchen with his two year old in his arms. Celine laughed at the motion and the little tickle motions her daddy was giving her to make her laugh and feel better.

A few seconds afterwards, Harry brought Celine over to the pot to show her that it would hurt her little hand if she tried to put the vegetables in the soup.

“See, this is why daddy doesn’t want you putting the veggies in right now, Celine. Daddy doesn’t want you to get hurt.” Harry explained, reaching out one hand and placing it on the rim of the pot. The curious two year old's eyes widened as she watched her daddy’s hand on the rim. It wasn’t really hot anymore- more so cold and will need to be heated once more to continue making the soup- but Celine doesn’t know that. She thinks that it’s still hot and that her daddy is getting hurt.

“Daddy, no!” She exclaimed, reaching out for her daddy’s wrist to get his hand away from the 'hot’ rim of the pot and she didn’t want to see her daddy hurt. She was crying for two weeks straight when Harry got his wrist surgery done, seeing the white bandage on his wrist to keep the stitches from ripping made the two year old crying waterfalls.

Harry yanked his hand away from the pot and hissed like his hand was burning from the heat. His brows furrowed as he shook his hand. He looked over at Celine to see that her green eyes were once more turning glassy from seeing her father hurt as the grip on her father’s wrist tightened.

“Daddy.” the toddler whined with tears threatening to spill from her tear ducts. Harry was quick to cuddle the two year old close to him. Harry cooed to the two year old that he was okay and that is why she doesn’t need to be putting in vegetables just yet because it’s hot and he doesn’t want her getting hurt. Celine hurriedly nodded her head in understanding- she just wanted her daddy not to hurt anymore and wanted her mummy to feel better with a soup that her and Harry were making-.

And they eventually did resume making the soup, Harry cleaning the wooden spoon that was dropped on the floor by Celine to get the germs off the wood so Y/N wouldn’t get any sicker. His mini me was standing once more on the chair eagerly with a smile on her lips as she waited for her daddy to give her the spoon for her to stir the ingredients that were in the warming soup from the stovetop getting warm again. It was an adorable moment between father and daughter, the scene warm and welcoming as Harry handed Celine the wooden spoon and continued to add the last few chopped vegetables into the pot. The two year old was bouncing on the pads of her feet as she was eager to do her job.

And when it came to Celine’s turn to stir, Harry kept his daughter stable on his hip as he directed Celine on how to stir the soup gently enough so that she wouldn’t get the boiling broth on either of them or on the scolding hot stove. Celine giggled as she stirred the soup with a big smile on her face and it seemed like she didn’t even have a tantrum over not being able to put the vegetables in the soup. The sight warmed up Harry’s heart seeing his mini me all happy to make a meal that will ease her mummy’s tummy and make her feel better to get her on the road to recovery of this horrible flu.

–

Celine and Harry make their way to the slightly ajar from Harry leaving the bedroom earlier that morning with the quiet sounds of the show that Harry put on for Y/N was still playing with the voices of the characters talking to another. The steam and welcoming smell from the freshly made soup was warming the palm of one of Harry’s hands while the other was holding a fresh cold-water bottle in the other as he and his mini me got closer to the bedroom. Celine had a happy, eager smile on her face as she clutched the light pink construction paper with Harry’s handwriting on the front of the homemade card in black sharpie 'get well soon mummy’ and the front of the card and the inside is accompanied by Celine’s cute, but messy, drawings that are scribbles.

Both the father and daughter’s hearts were beating happily against their chest as they were going to see the queen of the home and their hearts. Celine started calling her a queen because 'she’s like those nice princesses in the Disney movies, daddy. The ones that get their happy ending, and you’re her king.’ and it seemed to stick. And Harry is the king of their home and Celine is the little princess that likes going on adventures and bringing 'imaginary’ things back from her adventures to show her parents. It was adorable.

“Alright, Celine. We need to be quiet, so we don’t wake up mummy if she’s asleep. She needs her rest to get better.” Harry whispered as they stopped in front of the white painted wood door. The toddler nodded her head quickly to her father’s words, not really paying attention to what Harry just told him. She was just excited to see her mummy and give her the homemade card and to see Y/N since she hasn’t seen her all day till now.

“Alright, let’s go see mummy.” Harry whispered as he opened the door to reveal that Y/N was up and watching the show Harry put on. The covers covering her legs as her tired eyes were focused on the show that captivated her attention. The eye bags under her eyes were dark and her hair was a mess from tossing and turning- the comforter and sheets being the proof of it-, and the remote in her hand was being held lazily. The water bottle Harry left for her earlier was empty with a few droplets of water sticking to the plastic.

Her attention was broken from the glass tv screen when she heard the happy squeal from her daughter that was standing by her boyfriend’s side.

“MUMMY!”

Despite the panging headache that’s making her feel miserable with the throbbing pain that’s not going to go away anytime soon without aspirin or sleeping to get rid of the headache that’s causing pain. And the cute squeal from their adorable daughter added a pang of pain from the high-pitched sound.

Y/N managed to give her daughter a weak smile from her cuteness and the sight of her still in her pajamas with Celine’s messy bed head curls. Her cute front teeth showing through her wide smile as Celine looks at her mummy.

“Hi, Celine! Mummy missed you!” Y/N greeted with a matching smile, not having the need to turn down the volume of the tv since the volume wasn’t too loud in the first place. “Hi babe.” Y/N greeted her boyfriend that caused her heart to flutter as well as Harry’s. It felt great to know that she was feeling a little bit better.

“Hi, m'love. We’ve made you some chicken noodle soup to help you feel better.” Harry lifted the cute dark blue porcelain bowl with white petal detailing on the outside and red on the inside with white flowers. The broth with the chicken and vegetables sitting in the bowl to keep it warm with parsley sitting on top of the soup.

Y/N felt her stomach grumble with hunger and the taste, and the smell of the soup is making her hungry and she can’t wait to taste the wonderful soup to make her feel better and feel it warm her throat a bit. She felt her smile widened at her boyfriend and daughter making her lunch to make her feel better.

“Aww, thank you.” Y/N thanked him. Harry’s smile spread across his pink lips with his dimples cratering at the ends of his lips. Matching Celine’s. Speaking of Celine, the two year old rushed from where she was standing next to her father and ran over to her mummy’s side of the bed with the construction paper in her little hands with the paper crinkling a bit. The toddler’s curls bounced atop of her head, brushing against her covered shoulders and getting into her eyes. Meaning that she’s gonna have to get a trim soon so that she won’t have any dead ends that would hurt her when Y/N or Harry brush his hair before heading out for the day.

“Mummy, I made you a card!” Celine exclaimed with a big smile on her face as she handed out the light pink construction paper. Y/N felt her heart melt at how adorable her daughter is as she holds out the homemade get-well card. She reached out her unoccupied hand since the other one was holding the remote to the tv. Her skin was coated in goosebumps from the fever.

“Mummy, you feel better?” Celine asked her, prodding the goosebumps on her skin with her little finger. Y/N shivered a bit from the contact of her child’s finger. Y/N smiled at her daughter and swallowed with a bit of trouble from the mucus build up in her throat along with the sore throat that came along with having the common flu. Y/N gently took the paper from her kids grasp, feeling a bit of warmth from the warm air coming from the AC Harry turned on earlier to keep his lovely girlfriend warm.

“Yeah, mummy’s feeling a bit better. Certainly, now that you and daddy are here.” She smiled, lightly nudging Celine’s chubby cheek with the edge of the folded paper before holding it before her to see Harry’s handwriting.

Y/N felt that familiar heat warm up her cheeks seeing Harry’s messy hearts decorating each word that was messily colored in by their daughter. Y/N felt her smile get wider when she saw scribbles of stick figures of three family members with messy drawn clothes. One shorter than the rest with messy brown hair that matched the other one. The little one was in the middle holding each hand of the taller stick figures. The third one had Y/n’s hair color and everything that looked like her. The little drawing brought tears to her eyes as she continued to stare at the cute drawing that her daughter made.

“You alright, Y/N?” Harry asked as he approached where the daughter and mother were. He placed the porcelain bowl on the chestnut bedside table, the bowl making a small 'clunk’ when meeting the wood of the table. Harry’s deep accented voice made Y/N’s heart jump out of her chest at the sound of his voice and how fast and quiet he got there. Harry smirked at her reaction from the slight jump her body did on the bed. His footsteps were so quiet against the plush carpet.

“Asshole,” Y/N murmured quietly under her breath so Celine wouldn’t be repeating bad words around them or their families. Like that one time when they were out to eat with Anne and their daughter dropped one of her chicken nuggets on the floor. She said 'fuck’ loud enough for the three of them to hear. It was a funny moment for a few seconds before Harry and Y/N had to tell her that it was a bad word, and she shouldn’t say it. And when asked who she heard it from, she just simply stared at her father as the answer to the question.

Harry.

Their daughter whined as her fingers were making indents in the soft material of the comforter to get into her mummy on the bed. Making Harry and Y/N look at the two year old, who had a scrunched-up nose and her little brows furrowed forward with crinkles at the end. Harry immediately picked up the two year old in his arms, tickling Celine a little bit with butterfly touches to make Celine kick her legs out with a loud giggle leaving his lips. The sight made Y/N smile even more before opening the light pink homemade get-well card to see if there was anything inside that she should need to see or read.

There weren’t any words besides there being a 'love, Celine & Harry’ and more cute little scribbles from the two year old with them being loosely colored by their little artist. And more of Harry’s hearts surrounding the words. Y/N felt her heart swore in the air in happiness from her boyfriend and daughter making a get-well card for her and she’s most certainly going to keep it in her bedside table for safe keeping so nothing bad happens to it or goes missing.

The mattress sunk down a little from Celine being placed next to her mummy. Y/N placed the card on the bedside table as well, keeping it standing up on the lamp while reaching for the bowl. Harry immediately reaches to give his girlfriend the soup for her to eat to help her feel better.

“Thank you.” Y/N smiled at her boyfriend as she took the bowl and placed it on her blanket covered lap and picked up the silver spoon that was sitting in the delicious smelling soup that was sitting before her to be eaten. Harry walked over to his side of the bed to sit next to his girlfriend and daughter before, and maybe, taking a nap with Y/N before it was dinner time for all three of them. Celine and Harry have something different while Y/N will have another serving of chicken noodle soup.

Y/N placed the bowl of the spoon of her mouth and hummed at the amazing taste of the soup that warmed her mouth with her eyes closed. While it tasted a little bit bland because of the flu that wasn’t allowing her to taste her boyfriend’s wonderful cooking skills. Harry was looking at his girlfriend with a hopeful look on his face to see if she liked the soup that he and Celine made.

“Is it good, m'love.” He asked her, Y/N opened her eyes and placed the bowl of the spoon back into the soup to get another serving. She gave him a thankful smile on her face, the goosebumps on her skin disappearing from the warm soup. Harry felt butterflies soar in his tummy and his heartbeat happily against his chest as she smiled at him.

“It’s amazing, H. Thank you.” She answered as she lifted the spoon out of the soup with some of the mixture dripping from the edges of the spoon back into the soup with drips. Harry nodded at his beautiful girlfriend wishing that he could kiss her but he knew she wouldn’t let him get that close to her because she doesn’t want him getting sick.

“You’re welcome, m'love.”

Celine pulled at her mummy’s arm that was holding the spoon with the hot soup in it with the steam swirling in the air. The movement makes Y/N’s heart speed up in fear about the hot soup landing on her skin or shirt that would burn her skin either way.

“Mummy, mummy, I helped too. I helped too!” Celine chanted as she continued to pull at her mummy’s arm to get her attention. Harry could tell that Y/N was panicking from how their daughter was pulling her mummy’s arm to get her attention to let her know that she helped her daddy make her lunch.

“Celine Anne Styles, be careful! Don’t burn mummy.” Harry told his mini me sternly with stern eyes. His daughter looked at her daddy for a few minutes before she stopped pulling her arm and looked at her mummy. She listened immediately since she didn’t want to get in trouble.

“I helped daddy too mummy.” Their daughter repeated herself eager to hear her mummy’s thank you and praise for her helping Harry with her lunch. Y/N looked away from her slightly shaking hand that was holding the spoon to look at her boyfriend’s mini me.

“Thank you, Celine! You and dad did an amazing job at making mummy soup to make her feel better. And thank you for the card, it’s cute and mummy isn’t going to lose it.” Y/N thanked her daughter with a smile and a scratchy voice, Celine giggled and looked down at her lap with a pink tint on her cheeks from her mummy’s thank you.

“You’re welcome, mummy.” she said quietly. Harry and Y/N looked at each other with love-filled smiles before Y/N returned to eating her soup so that she could be on the road to recovery. It took a few minutes for Y/N to finish the soup with a conversation going on between her, Celine, and Harry. It was a domestic moment between the three of them.

Y/N asking Celine if she’s given her father any trouble when making the soup, Celine was immediate to deny that she did anything to cause her daddy any trouble. But Y/N looked over at Harry to see if what their daughter was saying was true or not. Harry looked over at his daughter with a teasing smile before telling Y/N that she had a little fit that she couldn’t put the veggies in without getting hurt.

This caused Celine to throw another fit, jolting the bed a bit that caused both of her parents to say in a stern tone.

“Celine Anne Styles. Don’t.”

Celine immediately stopped under her parent’s stern gaze and cuddled closer to her mummy with her eyes getting droopy with sleepiness. And Y/N yawned from tiredness that got passed down to Harry. Meaning that the three of them are due for a nap before the day comes to an end. Y/N puts the empty bowl on the table before maneuvering the sleepy toddler between her and Harry. Putting the covers over Celine’s almost asleep form before her and Harry did the same with their heads cushioned by their soft pillows.

The family of three slept in the king-sized bed with the comforter and sheets as well as the additional blankets keeping them warm after some time talking and not paying attention to the tv. The tv playing the ending of one episode of Y/N’s show with the theme song playing in the background and Netflix telling her that the episode is expected to begin in five seconds. But neither of them is watching since they’re allowing sleep to overcome them. Y/N and Harry facing each other with their daughter sleeping between them, Celine closer to her mummy since she’s adamant on cuddling with her to 'make her feel better’.

Harry and Y/N had their arms placed on the comforter of their bed with Harry’s hand over Y/N’s smaller one. Trying to keep her cold hand warm with his warm palm. The empty bowl of fully eaten chicken noodle soup sitting on Y/N’s bedside table with a fresh cold-water bottle that is waiting to be drunk when Y/N wakes up. Along with the medicine that was placed there earlier when Harry snuck upstairs to check on her when Celine was occupied by Finding Nemo and placed the medicine on the bedside table with a haste kiss to her forehead before leaving.

However, right now, she’s sleeping once more with the love of her life and her adorable daughter.

—

Sorry that I haven't updated in a while! Personal things have been going on and I've had terrible writers block but i've got ideas for this last one shot, it's a standalone one shot with harry and y/n only. As well as an upcoming trope that i'm excited to write about! As well as other tropes!

To make up for making you all wait too long, here's a picture of my kitty 🥺. Sorry for the picture being too big, i didn't know it was going to be big. Show her some love pls, even though she gets a load from me.

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thegodwhocums · 11 months

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Could you talk more about agdistis? It seems they're a deity who is considered nonbinary which 😳 i can't believe I haven't come across them before!! What are their celebrations like, esp from a queer point of view? (I'm @arkefthos, this is my main)

oh MAN YES LET'S GET INTO IT

Agdistis is an entity from Phrygian and Anatolian mythology - adjacent to and overlapping with the Greek pantheon. if you are familiar with the goddess Cybele, Agdistis can be considered either her child, an aspect/epithet of her, or a piece of her that was cracked off by a traumatic event. my experience is mostly with that third way.

Agdistis is described using some fucked up language in the myths, but we could consider them bi-gendered, intersex, trans, nonbinary, or bi-sexual in the sense of their physical body having both "male" and "female" secondary sex characteristics. any of those modern terms would be correct, I think (and here I use "trans" in the sense popularized by Leslie Feinberg, Kate Bornstein, and their contemporaries, as opposed to the more popular usage among younger folks today - anyone who transgresses binary gender).

primary sources on Agdistis include Arnobius and Pausanias. their language around this entity is super dehumanizing, so be aware of that going in. the myths tell stories that overlap and diverge, some making Agdistis an independent goddess, some making them an alter ego of Cybele, etc, as I mentioned above.

@flamingkorybante (aka Rocket) and I first encountered Agdistis in the (foundational, and dated but still valuable) book Hermaphrodeities by Raven Kaldera in... 2015? when the two of us worked with maybe six other ritualists to call in a variety of trans(ish) deities and let the attendees of the ritual interact with them for healing and affirmation. it was a hell of a ritual, and Rocket has detailed the months that followed that ritual. (here's a Drive link to the PDF of that book.)

as of now Rocket and I are building up a pretty simple mystery cult around Agdistis and their story, especially their sexy-madness rampage across the Mediterranean region and their subsequent death at the hands of Dionysos.we have not come across any historical evidence of them having a proper cult in ancient times. as a result, this work relies heavily on divination which makes it very likely that others will have different interpretations of them them than we do! they are a complex being with a serious trauma history alongside a LOVE of partying.

so the process of figuring out their celebrations is a beautiful and joyful work in progress! here are some things we do.

there are three main festivals when we devote attention and activities to Agdistis: Anthesteria around February, the Friday of NYC Pride (the Drag March) in June, and @trans-rite in November

we consider them an ancestor and honor them alongside our other queer and trans ancestors of spirit

we make offerings on the full moon (the moon itself does not seem super significant, but it is a nice recurring schedule) - they do not seem picky about what we offer, but particularly like almonds, mugwort smoke, pine, and sweets. their favorite is if you cry and shout and share your bad feelings with them so they can eat them

there is a short poem in Latin that we refer to as "the couplet," which can be used to invoke them, or to offer a trigger or painful emotion to them: "Dea, Magna Dea, Cybebe, Dea Domina Dindymi, demitte me tuo furor parvu, obsecro, ut furor magnum pertransit me." It calls to Agdistis's Mother and translates to "Goddess, Great Goddess, Cybele, Lady Goddess of the Mountain, visit your small madness upon me, I pray, that the Great Madness may pass me by."

they also really like to be invoked on your way into a party!

we are working with @dionysiandevotee to schedule an AMA about Agdistis and the Agdistine Order over on Reddit sometime in the next month, so if that's a platform you use, keep an eye out.

finally, if you like, here is the essay on Agdistis that Rocket and I wrote in 2018. the daemon has calmed down with us a little since then but they can be INTENSE. please take care, the essay talks a lot about sexual assault and transphobic violence in the context of both mythology and modern life.

this response was probably more than you bargained for. good luck and have fun! reach back out if you have any questions.

#agdistis #the order #rocket tag #anatolian #phrygian #cybele #trans #intersex

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wen-kexing-apologist · 4 months

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Bengiyo's Queer Cinema Syllabus

Hello! After a holiday hiatus, I am returning to @bengiyo’s queer cinema syllabus. We will be ringing in the new year with Unit 4: Heartbreak Alley, the totally light-hearted, definitely not agonizing section of the syllabus where I get to watch countless acts of violence be committed against queer people. That fuck I have Lesbians waiting for me at the end of this unit. The films in Unit 4 are: Bent (1997), Strange Fruit (2004), Boys Don’t Cry (1999), Brokeback Mountain (2005), Parting Glances (1986), Philadelphia (1993), The Living End (1992), Holding the Man (2015), Jeffery (1995), and Boys on the Side (1995)

Today I will be writing about

Bent (1997) dir. Sean Mathias

[Run Time- 1:45, Available: tubi, for rent, Lang: Eng]

Content Warning: Holocaust, torture, murder, suicide, references to necrophilia

Summary: Max is gay and as such is sent to Dachau concentration camp under the Nazi regime. He tries to deny he is gay, and gets a yellow label (the one for Jews) instead of pink (the one for gays). In camp, he falls in love with fellow prisoner Horst, who wears his pink label with pride.

Cast: Lothaire Bluteau as Horst Clive Owen as Max

Well. This was a fascinating watch. For Unit 4 the only film I’ve seen prior is Brokeback Mountain and I feel like Bent had a similar structure in that the most emotionally difficult parts are primarily (not fully, rest in peace Randy and unnamed girl) towards the end. I definitely went in to this movie expecting it to be jam packed with pain and suffering in a way that would constantly assault my emotional space, but that wasn’t what it was. And it felt all the more realistic for it, I think.

We open at Greta’s club, we got an outright bacchanal, such a beautiful, vibrant, explicitly queer space…in Nazi Germany. And it eases you in to that concept because the first party we see is completely absent of any soldiers, then we get soldiers coming in to join the fun, and then we get Nazi’s coming in looking for one particular person, and Max’s boyfriend Randy watches the Nazi’s slit Wolf’s throat. This was an interesting choice in name for me, because Hitler really wanted to be called Wolf, and made people refer to him as such. Anyway, Wolf dies, Max and Randy run to Greta’s home which is…literally a home made out of wardrobes (living in the closet), and Greta dresses them all up in suits and burns all the evidence of her queerness. And you’d think they’d be laying low, which in some ways they are, yet they are at fully discussing what happened, aligning themselves with queerness, on a public bus, in Nazi occupied Berlin, after literally just escaping Nazi’s as if it’s a regular day, and they haven’t just watched someone get killed for being queer.

And nonchalantly, Greta strips away all of her identity, she’s got things figured out, she becomes Greg (or something) and starts talking about the wife and kids he has at home, and how he’s fucked every sex worker on the street, and that’s it (“So queer is out. Queer is dead. Ratatattat”). They don’t seem phased, they don’t seem scared, Greta processes the grief they know is coming for them while they sing farewell songs in their own club, and that’s it. They give Max and Randy enough money to flee Berlin, and we never hear about them again. And when I talk about the realism in this, I mean that Randy, having just watched a man be murdered, doesn’t want to leave Berlin, because he put money down on a dance class and he doesn’t want to miss those classes. And it strikes me that Max constantly seems annoyed with, fed up with Randy, and yet cannot leave him, just as Randy cannot leave Max. Randy and Max both had an opportunity to leave each other, and get away to safety, and they stayed together, and that was their downfall.

But before their capture, we see them just like…waiting around, they are getting on each other’s nerves, they are bickering about cheese. Again, it feels so…true to life? I don’t think we really think enough about the downtime when you are waiting to die, when you are hiding, when you are trying to survive. They have time to work, to gaze at the sky, to talk over a fire, to kiss, to sing, to accuse their partner of trying to poison their cheese. They have time to trust, to make mistakes, and to die.

Max was stupid, Randy was stupid, everyone made one mistake and now Max is killing Randy on a train to Dachau in a desperate attempt to prove to the Nazi’s that he didn’t know Randy, that he isn’t queer, just in the hopes that he will survive the trip to the camps. And this film does not shy away from the monstrosities/atrocities. They make you see Randy’s beaten body, knowing that the Nazi’s tortured him because he wore glasses and they thought he was an intellectual. When he was a dancer, which to be fair is just as much of a threat to the Nazi regime as anything else. We have to just sit there, and watch Max tell himself over and over and over and over again “this isn’t happening. This isn’t happening. This is happening.” while Randy sobs in agony in the background.

Which felt real to me too, because what else are you going to do? Horst has clocked Max, and has told Max that this train ride is made to break people, and personally I think Max was broken before Horst was even able to offer advice, but the only way he is even remotely capable of handling anything that happened on that train is to just willfully refuse to admit that it was real. It cannot be real. With the genocide in Gaza, I have really been thinking a lot about how suddenly life can change, I think about what it would be like if I were there, in that situation, or if it happened here and how I would react to it. And I do not know how long it would take for me to feel like any of that was real.

This movie was fascinating because so much and so little happens. We have the glitz and glamor, we have the frenzied escape, and then they sit in the woods, we have the train ride where Randy is tortured by Nazi’s and killed by Max’s hand, and Max is forced to rape the corpse of a 13 year old girl the Nazi’s shot, in order to prove that he isn’t queer, and then for the next hour he’s moving rocks back and forth, back and forth, back and forth, until we reach the last 5-10 minutes of the movie.

It was so interesting for me to watch this movie, seeing Max’s cyclical nature from beginning to end. At the beginning of Bent, Max is not hiding his queerness in any way. He’s at the club every night, he’s shoving his tongue down multiple people’s throats, he’s having public sex. He’s super. fucking. gay. He’s gone to all the clubs, he’s known in the community, his family knows he’s queer. It was an identity he held, until the second Horst told him being queer was the lowest of the low in the camps. For the majority of the time he was in Dachau he vehemently refused to wear the pink triangle, he convinced the SS soldiers to mark him with the Star of David and not the pink triangle by doing some truly heinous actions.

Max used his wealth and his willingness to do terrible things to get into a position he felt was safe. He moved rocks back and forth all day long and bribed the guards to let Horst move rocks with him. They were able to be together, to share space together, to imagine for three minutes every few hours that they were able to be together. To fuck each other, to love each other, to hold each other, but there is not allowed to be gentleness between them.

I loved the moments in this movie where Max and Horst were having sex with each other on those breaks. I loved that they were able to find a moment of pleasure. I loved that Horst was allowed to cry, to beg for gentleness, I loved what it said about Max that he said he liked to be hurt in sex, that it was exciting. I am absolutely not one to judge that, let me preface, but it felt to me Max is trying to believe about himself but isn’t true. If he likes being hurt, maybe he can cope better with the pain he is experiencing.

And again, in case people have forgotten the overall purpose of the syllabus, Ben structured these units to slowly progress people in to BL. So I want to relate a moment of this to BL a little bit because some of it made me start thinking of The Eclipse, mostly around the conversation Horst and Max have about the SS soldier who is “the worst in the camp” and whether or not he’s queer. Which leads to one of the most important lines in the film, for me anyway:

Max: “Of course he could be queer. But you don’t want to think about that. You don’t want them to be” Horst: “There are queer Nazi, and queer saints, and- and queer geniuses, and queer nobodies.”

This film is about what people do to survive, the cycles they maintain, the parts of them they break, in order to live to the end. And this moment made me think of The Eclipse in terms of the commentary that show also made about the harm oppressed groups can perpetuate against their own communities for the sake of survival, self hatred, etc. Chadok was authoritarian and militant and brainwashed Akk in to literally committing crimes to maintain order (shout out to the car Akk let roll in to a crowd of protestors) and was also a gay man trying desperately to hold on to his own safety after Dika died. We do not get a backstory on the SS soldier, nor would I have particularly cared for one, but we do know that every time certain soldiers enact physical violence against queer people, we see them wipe their eye as if brushing away a tear. We do know that that SS soldier made Max go down on him in order to get medicine. And at the end of the day it doesn’t fully matter if we get confirmation about that particular soldier, because the fact remains that there were queer Nazi’s and we have to reckon with that.

Max is maybe able to pass as straight, not to other queers, but probably to most of the Nazi’s and he says as much in his conversation with Horst about how the SS soldier would have killed him if he knew a queer had gone down on him. And ultimately I think it’s true, because that SS soldier realizes that Max went down on him for medicine, not for himself but for Horst, and that was all he needed to realize that there was more to the relationship between Max and Horst and to punish Max for it. It came as no surprise to me that the film would end with both of them dead, they spoke too often of survival, I loved so much that Horst, knowing he would die either way, decided to rebel for once and left a mark on that SS soldier.

Favorite Moment

So I think my actual favorite moment is the second time that Horst and Max verbally fuck eachother and we get the conversation about Horst wanting to be handled gently, but honestly I have to give a shoutout to the moment that Randy and Max are arguing in the forest because it feels like an organic conversation between a couple that has been stuck together in too small a space (read: a metal barrel for a roof over their head) and are under a lot of stress. And they’re just sitting there arguing about the correct term for the type of ecosystem they are in (“Forest”, “Jungle”, “Forest”) and Randy says he’s worried that Max poisoned the cheese (that Randy bought and selected himself) and the incredulity by which Max responds: “It’s your cheese..choke on it. I cannot tell you how much I want you to choke on it. Christ!”

I really loved all these types of little moments, the repetition, the tiffs, I felt like it really helped ground the film.

Favorite Quote

“If I can stand at attention they’ll let me hold you. I never held you before. I won’t let you drop. You know what? Horst? You know what? I think- I think I love you. Shh. Don’t tell anyone. Don’t worry about the rocks. I won’t drop you, I promise. I think- I think I love- Can’t remember his name. A dancer. I think I loved him too. Don’t be jealous. You’re safe. I won’t drop you. I love you. What’s wrong with that?”

Now, I will say, as much as my stomach twisted in horror at certain moments in the film, I was holding it together pretty well, right up until the very end. Max is commanded by the SS soldier to get rid of Horst’s body and as Max is lifting Horst in to his arms, the horns go off for their three minute rest where they are supposed to stand at attention. And Max…screams, he just screams “No” because he doesn’t want to let Horst go. He does not want Horst to drop to the ground. And the Nazi’s have already walked away, and so Max holds Horst as best as he can. This unmoving dead weight heavy and slipping in his arms. And for the first time ever he is able to hold this man that he loves. And then he drags Horst’s body to the grave, takes Horst’s shirt with the pink triangle, puts it on, and kills himself. It’s tragic, and horrible, and painful to watch but it was a moment of gentleness out of a man who had convinced himself he was a terrible person. And there is something to Max’s final moments being holding the man he loved who he’d promised would be safe in his arms, keeping that promise, and reclaiming his identity the way Horst would have wanted him to. He died a queer and he died on his own terms, and it fucking sucks that we don’t always survive, but I think Bent really sets itself up for the question of what it means and what it’s worth to be yourself. Because for us, as with many other people, to be ourselves can mean danger, can mean violence, can mean death and knowing that there are people who hide to survive still suffering under the constraints of closet life and there are people who step out in the open knowing what they might face.

Score

9/10

This may sound a little bit sadistic, but I think I wanted a touch more queer pain, and I don’t think this is a film that is easy to recommend to people because of how much of the movie is dedicated to repetition. This was a very strong film, the acting was great, and the sets were intriguing, and the little eyebrow touch did in fact come back to haunt me.

Next on the docket...Strange Fruit

#bengiyo queer cinema syllabus #queer cinema syllabus #queer film #bent #bent (1997)#clive owen

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sparks9793 · 4 months

Text

The index (Happy new year's)

Love songs for TY

Bad bad writing, Taylor cries in front of Hayley after a chance encounter with Zac, post the Farros leaving.

Zac always knew, Joey and H write a song and Hayley makes Taylor blush

H alone in her house after the breakup, Hayley shows Taylor one of the FFV songs

PFA tour rehearsals, a small party for Hayley + Justin is the best

H gets Dan to agree on producing FFV, T and Alf have a mishap on their new house

Heart to heart with Brian, H and T sleep together 4 the first time

Cute moment of T helping H with the guitar + Taylor shares some painful insight of their time apart

Valentine’s day in 2019, where B and Z are the bestest of best friends one could ask for + the breakup

H gets blue before a show and T helps her through it, so she writes a song + T´s 31 bday full of fluff

H might be in love and Erica talks some sense into her, Hayley has a nightmare and Taylor is the best.

Heart to heart with grandat, T finally wants to talk after the breakup, Hayley breaks Taylor´s heart with the lyrics.

Taylor after the breakup, H leaves him a painful voicemail, they move into their house.

T and H makeup after months apart, Taylor remembers when he realized he was in love with her.

T wants to get into therapy again, H and T bicker about a suggestion from Hayley’s therapist, H finds some peace of mind during the breakup.

Behind the scenes of the AF zane interview, H alone after the breakup + plus Hayley asks T to move in together.

T and H are painfully obvious on tour an Z tries to help + T and H have a talk in the aftermath of them sleeping together.

T asked Hayley out on a date properly + H breaks down after something reminds her about Taylor months after the breakup + the story behind that PFA studio pic where they are holding each other super tight.

T surprises H with a road trip after his meltdown producing petals

They are finally officially GF and BF + Taylor says ‘I love you’

Quiet lazy mornings, a food fight, laughs at the studio.

The story behind Grandat’s feature on CC + Taylor surprises H with the song

T and Z heart to heart + H freaks out over her and Taylor not being casual at all + T has his well-deserved moment reminding her about a certain tumblr post from 2013.

H and T through the years, little snippets from when they met till now.

Pure 2015 angst + T and H at her friend's wedding

2014 parahoy revelations + a cheeky game of pool

T and H after the Farros leave, TIW album release show + T, Z and H discuss the future of the band

All I wanted debut, plus T’s endless support.

T and H after Jeremy leaves, T fleets to NZ during H’s wedding, a heartbreaking gift from Hayley

The first half of 2016, old friends, H quitting, T helping H get back into music, lots of angst and a few jokes.

T, H and Z after the Farros left (very messy)

T, H and Z now, + late night talks before the TIW zane interview (they are better now)

Stitching up the broken hearts, hard truths, ride or die and this is now forever.

T and H heal together after Z leaves in 2010, H and T win a Grammy and they have a call + end of 2023 celebrations at Tayley’s house that’s full of surprises.

T and H hiding more than friendly feelings a threat through the years, a touching moment between H and Z + T and H traumatize Z with a piece of clothing.

T and H have a heart-to-heart pre AL era, T is mad that H left in the middle of the night after they sleep together, H has a lot of anxiety after they get back together in 2019 and T helps her through it + a fluffy moment

Alternative version of December 2017 as H does her best to come to terms with the fact that she’s in love with Taylor.

The outtakes

The whole picture, behind the breakup

T gets H a very especial xmas gift and they have a moment

Justin has perfect timing + T and H have no excuses left

Z is on best friend duty as T has a freak out after him and H sleep together on tour

T, Z and H deciding to add CC and liar to the set list

T is too sweet during the breakup and H can’t handle it, plus Michelle York is just the best

Pillow talks about all those times they had feeling but never said it

A sweet date + T proposes they build a house

26, first performance, and then 2023 with all the Tayley fluff

Alfie becomes Taylor’s too

H taking care of T + and T taking care of H when they are hurt

Justin is the best big brother in the whole world

Parahoy 2018 behind the scenes

T and H having some careless fun+ 2015 feelings + long distance calls as H promotes PFA in London+ Z is thinking of proposing to Kayla

The story behind the belt that used to be a guitar strap

Two versions of the story behind that T+a necklace

H gets sick for the second time on TIW tour (Seattle)

B side for Liar

B side for Sugar on the rim

B side for in the mourning

Parahoy 2018 behind the scenes part 2

H and T have no idea what they want but Zac knows better

2017 if this was a more coherent fic

2017 part II if this was a more coherent fic

H and T meet Kayla, a chapter dedicated to Z and Kay

Zac meets Alfie

A rewrite of the sudden desire chapter

H and T seeing Z’s family again after he re joins the band + A chapter for the song pool

H sees ogre again after the divorce and the Yorks are the best Fam

T and H celebrating their anniversary

B side for pain by the war on drugs

Tayley pregnancy scare

B side for one of those crazy girls

Another version of T and H’s breakup and getting back together

Collection of little scenes that never made it into the chapters

T and H have a fight + they are ‘casually dating’+ hard truths in a bar + messing with Zac

The covers:

Zac and Hayley have a moment building furniture, H and T angst + nightmares

T gets jealous of THAT fan on stage

Beth and Brian are shocked that Tayley kissed, and they are just finding out

H says ‘love you’ + the Instagram posts that started it all

After show party with ch*d, after show party without ch*d

H gets super drunk after the divorce announcement + a cute concert date

H and T decide to do ‘casual’(yeah right) + PDA at home, PDA in front of the guys

Angst + H gets jealous of an interviewer + karma got to ch*d first

2013 livestream angst + Z side eyeing Tayley+ T and H go camping

H locks herself out of her house and T’s her savior + the rings

T’s super lost and sad after winning a grammy + fluff at home and H writes a piece for Elise’s bday

H has a bad nightmare on tour and T holds her through it + H gets the divorce papers and want T to comfort her + at home fluff, H cuts T’s hair

AL release party, they tattoo each other + T’s you first melt down

H and T make up after a disagreement but with lots of angst + T’s thinking of moving away + H helps T pack to move into their house together.

The subgramming

T and H go on a date but don’t call it that and end up making out on the street

Continuation of the previous chapter + the story behind that sweet pic of H and T walking Alfie on the summer tour.

Taylor loses a close family member, the rose color by MV + T asks for a break after they finish the AL cycle

T has a freak out when he can’t reach H and she apologizes in a funny cute way + the ‘I fell in love with my best friend’ poster

Taylor goes to see her after she leaves him a devastating voice mail after the breakup + T and Z being the bestest friends while both dealing with broken hearts

T and H decide to get back into music 2016 + Brian questions H about her and T doing casual 2018 + ‘that’ leaked pic of Tayley from a holiday party

T and H talk about therapy + H has an anxiety episode and T helps her through it + cutesy moment + T freaks out after their first kiss

H and T More than friendly feelings through the years + a re do in Manchester

2011 button moment from T and H’s perspective + H falls sick on TIW tour part I

H therapy session, T is the sweetest when H goes heavy on the edibles + Zac is the bestest of best friends

The nondate, date to the me without you concert + they are both idiots

Taylor’s bold and knows what he wants, H freaks out but comes to her senses

H and T being friends, T and Justin talk about tayley, after he finds them in a very compromising position

Brian and H gossip session + H has a hard time with her mental health but T’s a sweetheart about it + the interview confirming Tayley + T´s reaction to H in her fashion week looks

Tayley being Tayley at home, dancing, laughing + T dyes her hair

T is a supporting partner + a cute super sweet at home date night

GDY event + H wants a future with Taylor

T’s feelings start to bloom during the making of AF, Tayley after webster hall

Super angsty T and H chance encounter after the breakup

The prompts:

H finds the hidden engagement ring

T cares for H on her period

Cute apple picking date

The matching shirts

H and T invite Joey over for xmas

H hurts T by mistake

T protective of H at the airport

Concert date to see sunny day real state

H feels insecure and T is the sweetest about it

H introduces T as her boyfriend to her family

Paramore Halloween aka paraween

The tayley proposal

T, Z and H are grammy nominees

Brian and Kolten’s wedding shenanigans

Xmas chapter

T’s birthday

H’s birthday

#LSFTY❤️#tayley #my fic #friends to lovers #hayley williams #taylor york

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bonsaiiiiiii-fics · 5 months

Text

Eggs

Is it destiny? Is it a coincidence? But especially, What should she do now that the person she has been looking for doesn’t exist anymore?

Words: 5300-ish

Genre: fluff, slice of life. a bit of angst too? cos memories and stuff…no trigger warnings mentionable.

Fandom: Thunderbirds are go!2015

Characters: boi, all of ‘em! We also have Lucille, and I sprinkled in some oc’s!

Special mention: thank you to @louthestarspeaker for lending me her Laurie, your girl has been an absolute delight to write!

This story is kinda weird, and I don’t know if there’s gonna be a continuation or not. I just had an idea, wrote it down and here we are! Nothing serious, just for fun/writing again/passing the time. Don’t @ me, if you read it and discover you don’t like it, leave it where it is and back tf away slowly. (just for precaution. moots i don’t wanna bite ur ass <3)

Ao3 link

"...Is it too late to back up now?" She asks timidly, grimacing and taking a small step away from the door. Gran Roca Ranch. At least that's what it says on the billboard at the entrance. "Probably she isn't even here anymore!"

"Nope." Laurie answers her first question, a haunting hand hovering on the door. "This is the time to act like that amazing, confident, person that you are, no ifs, ands or buts about it." She tries to fight her best friend when she gets a grip of her hand, forcing her to depart it from the door the farthest possible. "And you- ugh!, you won't know if you don't knock!" She grunts, noticing just how strong Quinn can be. Seriously, she eats tacos and smoothies all day, how the hell does she manage to keep it if she's as slim as a twig? Genes?

"Well I need a reinforcement taco before this!" Quinn forces through gritted teeth. "And what do you think I'm going to tell her, hey! I'm your donor baby and I'm here to flip your life upside down?" She rolls her eyes, adjusting her sunglasses. "What if she doesn't even want to see me?"

"If she left you her address in the envelope, then I think she wanted you to find her."

"Well, I'm not ready to find out just yet!"

"Not that you can help it, you know. You're screeching so loud I think all the neighborhood heard you." Laurie says, hands on her hips and a false innocent smile on her face, the plan morphed into her mind taking action. "And if she hasn't heard you before, she surely will hear this now!" And with that awful sentence she rings on the doorbell, doing what Quinn tried stopping her from doing until now.

The blonde girl, in return, starts by gawking at her with her eyes almost out of their sockets and a jaw so low you could store an entire cake inside her mouth, then punches her -not so lightly- on a shoulder, making Laurie gasp at the pain and the sudden movement. "Traitor!" She spits, just seconds before the door opens, revealing...

"Uh..." Kayo falters, taking in the scene in front of her very eyes upon opening the door. There's two women, soft blonde waves and some midnight black locs, arms tangled in each other, more like the blonde is trying to strangle her friend and the latter is trying to defend herself, both looking awkwardly at her. "Can I...help you?" She asks tentatively, her eyebrow raised, studying them intently. The blonde is holding an envelope in her hand, and now that she looks at her...the resemblance is dangerously familiar to someone...

"Uh!" Quinn gasps, detangling from her best friend and just smiling broadly, as if nothing happened. "Hi, my name is Quinn, and this is Laurie."

"Hi, Quinn and Laurie. So, what can I help you with?" Kayo repeats, her patience wearing thin. Who are these two strangers? This isn't pizza delivery! She mentally prays that it’s not another string of paparazzi striving to secure an interview, them being the first two of a long queue. Even if the Tracy’s like to be reserved about their whereabouts, the paps’ job is to unveil, tell and write as many tales as possible, and this requires some great investigative skills, for example finding Jeff Tracy’s old house. It’s not the first time paparazzi are at their door, and it certainly won’t be the last.

"Um," Quinn clears her throat, shifting from embarrassed to confident, again, that spark in her eye that looks dangerously familiar. Now that Kayo thinks about it, if Gordon was to have a female counterpart, Quinn would be embodying it. "I'm looking for Lucille Collins. Does she, um, live here?"

Now this leaves Kayo dumbfounded.

And with a lot of questions.

How does she know? Why is she looking for her? Could it be...?

"Um. Excuse me." Is all Kayo can say to excuse herself and close the door in their faces, now leaving both girls with a fish out of water face.

"What was that?" Quinn asks, her cordial smile still plastered on her face, but one eye twitching in incredulousness.

"I don't...know?" Laurie is smiling too, holding her still painful shoulder. They both look at each other, and this is the moment when Laurie knows Quinn's about to lose control.

"So who was it at the door? Did the pizza delivery read our minds before we could place the order?" Gordon asks smugly, a note of curiosity in his voice.

"That would be so dope!" Alan adds, leaning forward in his chair so his arms come to rest on his lap.

Kayo, however, doesn't seem to hear them as she clears her throat, ready to drop whatever bomb this is on them.

"Are you okay, Kayo? You look like you've seen a ghost." Virgil butts in, obviously concerned about her losing all the color in her face.

"There's two women at the door, they're looking for Mrs. Tracy, and I don’t mean Grandma." She says as neutrally as possible, not seeming to avoid massaging her arm awkwardly in the process. "What am I supposed to do?"

Nobody answers her, and the silence is so audible you can hear the indistinct chatting of the women still at the door, probably debating on whether to stay and just vanish from the premises from the heat of it.

"Huh." Jeff mutters, taking the situation in his own hands. "I think I know what this is about. Help me up, please." He asks no one in particular, Scott jumping up from his armchair like it's on fire, instantly by his father's side. "Thank you, son. Take me to the door."

"If we disappear silently, she probably won't even know we were there! We can say she just imagined it! Or that I'm the, uh, mailman?" Quinn tries, shrugging her shoulders in the process.

"I don't think she would believe you, you're not exactly dressed up as one." Laurie counters, eyeing her short romper.

"Gasp," she audibly gasps. "Are you trying to say I look ugly?"

"If the shoe fits." She winks at her bestie, earning a glare from her.

"I hate you."

"No you don't."

A sound near the front door, like a crane tapping on the floor, makes both straighten their backs up, standing like soldiers in wait for their general. Moments later, Jeff Tracy himself, accompanied by his son, opens the door, and the girls just...stare.

"Uh, Quinn? I think we got the wrong house..." Laurie recognizes immediately the man standing in front of her, seemingly unlike Quinn, that flashes him and his exact same, younger copy, her dimpled smile.

"Hiiiii!" She tries a more energetic approach. "I'm Quinn, and this is Laurie." She gestures to her bestie, who is looking mildly uncomfortable, deeming it necessary to introduce themselves again. "We're looking for-"

"I know." Jeff nods. "You must be her daughter. Co-"

"HUH!?" Scott gasps, involuntarily interrupting his dad who side looks at him. "What!? Her what??" He looks wide eyed at her, then at his dad, then back again at her.

She seems to ignore his apparent outburst. "Yeah, something like that. So, does she live here?" If there's one thing to know about Quinn Prescott is that she gets straight to the point. And eats tacos nonstop, apparently.

Jeff is silent, a pang of sadness visible on his face. "Come in." He replies to her question, stepping aside - and forcing Scott, as still as a statue, to do the same - and welcoming them in what used to be Luci's house. Scott disappears right back in, probably to warn everyone of the unexpected new visitor invading their home, or to prepare them psychologically for this, leaving the girls to let themselves in without too many ceremonies, Quinn taking off her paperboy hat and just holding it in her hand as Jeff slowly accompanies them to the living room, where everyone is gathered.

"Holy shmeesus!" Is the first thing she mutters to Laurie upon seeing all these people, wondering just now that maybe she got the wrong house. But if she did, the man living inside it wouldn't let them in, right? She's probably not home at the moment, yeah, that's it. One thing for sure, the room is loaded with people and every single one of them seem to be looking- no, gawking, at her. Expecting her to be joking about the matter. There's the woman that opened the door the first time, the man that opened it the second, 5 other men and a old lady. And not to mention this house is gigantic. Dam, egg mama's loaded!

Everyone is so still, the silence is so deafening, like they can't believe their eyes; she manages to get a sound from them all, a collective general gasp, after her sunglass lenses fade back to clear, not sensing any sunlight inside, revealing her warm brown eyes.

"It's uncanny." Scott mutters, breaking the silence.

"It's mom." Virgil backs him up, just gaping at her. She shares his same eyes, and, well, mom's. Come to think about it, she is mom, just a different smile, skin tone, and some round glasses added.

"What is this, dad?" Scott confronts their dad, wanting, needing, to know more. A perfect stranger, with the same appearance as their mother, comes at their door, searches for her, and apparently she's her daughter? And seemingly, Jeff knows about it all.

Jeff in reply looks at Quinn, holding out a hand towards her as if to show she's there. "Want to do the honors?"

She nods, taking in a deep breath. "So...I'm Lucille's donor baby, and I'm invading your lives!" She jokes, to then immediately facepalm, followed by a nervous chuckle from Laurie, accompanied by a head shake. "Hehe, sorry...I always joke when I'm nervous, I don't know why I do that." She first scratches her jaw, then behind her ear, handing Jeff the envelope she carried until now, covering her lap with her checkered white and brown hat. "But that's about it. The address listed in her description was this one."

"Yeah, I know who you are already." Despite this statement, he still opens the envelope, suddenly invaded by his eldest three sons that read over his shoulder too, reading indeed his late wife's name, but another as well. "I just didn't think you'd even show up, even if she hoped to see you."

"She does?" She smiles, her dimples showing. She unconsciously side glances at Laurie, which shoots her a timid thumbs up.

"She did." He corrects her, the pain in his words leading her to lose the dimples she shares with Scott.

"Um, care to explain for those who can't understand the situation?" Alan butts in, knowing the heaviness of the situation but now how to decipher it.

"Yeah, like, we just got mom's clone and then what?" Gordon counters.

Just when she wants to speak, Jeff looks again at her, prodding her silently to explain herself. It's her situation, and she gets to take it into her own hands as she wants.

"So, from what my parents told me, they weren't able to conceive, so they picked out donors from both sides; Lucille was my egg donor, while Clinton was my sperm donor. I don't really know anything about them, my parents told me about it just recently and recommended that I speak personally with them first, but without them I wouldn't exist, so...ta-daaa!" She slightly enlarges her hands, waving her open hands up and down.

"Well, you surely took your time." Jeff comments sarcastically, loosening her stiff shoulders a little.

"That's cool! Is it something like out of a lab?" Alan asks, earning a side glare from Virgil.

"Egg and sperm donors have existed for a long time, you know?" The second eldest points out to him in a scolding tone.

"I didn't know about the egg ones, Virg!"

"Me either Virg! We're not all medical like you." Gordon, as always, speaks as if he and Allie are the same.

"Pardon my sons," this sentence from Jeff seems to override their sons'. "They're just curious about you, she never spoke to them about you."

"How to blame her?" Grandma says, laughing gently. "She didn't expect the gal to even show up. She just did a good deed." She gets up, sitting on an armrest of the armchair Virgil sat back on, patting gently his shoulder.

"That she did." Jeff looks at her, drinks her in with those silver eyes of his. Yep, she's Lucille's spitting image: long blonde hair, chocolate brown eyes, same nose, same lips. The only thing changing is a golden skin tone, complimenting perfectly her eyes and hair and making her look like a golden ember, and the way she smiles; even if she has Luci's lips and dimples, she smiles differently, a charming and 'I'm sexy and I know it' kind of smile instead of Luci's warm and harmless one. "You look a lot like her." He says after a long while, in which she seems content basking in the attention. She knows she's beautiful, she probably has an overly big ego, and the fact this family is feeding it is rather nice to her.

"Yeah, Laurie says I'm her spitting image. Uh, from the pictures I found in the envelope."

"I'm sorry, but you won't be able to see her anytime, I'm afraid." He says.

She doesn't seem to read between the lines. "Oh, yeah, I totally get it! She has another family now, not that I was her family before, but I get it, no worries. Just tell her I've been here." She gets up, dusting absent-mindedly her dress and hat.

"No, you don't get it." Jeff is finding all the strength in himself to say the words long dreaded in the Tracy household. "She passed some time ago." He lets out after a long, painful, sigh.

"Oh." She mutters, to then plop back down. "Can I ask for how long?"

"Almost 20 years."

She gets silent, a lot of thoughts whirling in her brain, but she pushes them aside for her to think about them later. "I'm sorry for your loss."

"I'm sorry too." He raises his eyes to look at her. "She wanted to meet you, she really did."

"Well...I wouldn't be me if I didn't keep my always being late rap, right?" She tries to crack a joke, earning a cheeky smile from everyone, even a tiny laugh from the tinies.

"Oh, preach!" Laurie exclaims, happy that her friend finally noticed.

"So, what is it you do in life, Quinn?" Jeff changes subject after she so helpfully contributed in raising the spirits back up; unfortunately, Lucille has always been a tough topic to talk about after her passing, and probably this is just what they needed now that they're all back together.

"Oh, I just got into college, Columbia."

"Ah, Ivy League! Impressive! Major?"

"Programming."

"I see. Well, I wish you best of luck on your journey."

"Thank you, um, Mr..." She just now realizes she never properly caught his name, nor the others'; it sure looks like a wide family, though.

"Oh! We didn't introduce ourselves, sorry! We were just so caught by everything..." He immediately apologizes, getting up not without any help from his second eldest. "I'm Jeff Tracy." Once in front of Quinn, who just got up too, he extends his hand for her to shake it, and notices she has a very tight grip, too.

"Huh, Tracy you say?" Quinn is silent for a second, an eyebrow raised to try and remember when she heard that name before, while Laurie, once her suspicions (that weren't so suspicious) got confirmed, draws in a shaky breath, not understanding why in the Heavens her bestie doesn't realize how lucky she is to even breathe the same expensive air as these business tycoons. And, yeah, International Rescue themselves. "I like it. I assume you are- uh, were..."

"Yeah, her husband. These are our kids. Boys?" He calls out for them to get up and present themselves, to which they oblige dutifully.

Scott is the first one to present himself, his grip somewhat strong, but not menacing. He saw the description, everything true to the minimal detail, and the fact she's their mom's spitting image contributes greatly to the cause, as if she was cloned, and their dad seems to know and support of this situation; however, he still doesn't know if she's lying, faking it all, and found sensible information, touched a nerve who could bring them down, his Commander brain gearing up for action. He, alas, has complete faith in dad, and in John, who didn't go unnoticed by Scott as he briefly excused himself to go to the bathroom, secretly fulfilling the eldest' order to run a background check on her. He notices her firm grip too, complete with the fact she either doesn't seem to care, or is oblivious to the pinning, calculating stare he's giving her, flashing him a taste of his own medicine, killer dimples. Yep, truly mom's child.

The next in line is Virgil, who takes her hand softly and shakes it gently, and she swears he's like massaging it or something, because she finds instantly relief from a throbbing she didn't even notice until it passed, truly magical. They both get lost in the eyes they both share the color of, mom's color, and both wonder how one could be a spitting image of the other. Virgil is calm, trusting, not wanting to start any rumors or thoughts, just trusting what the person in front of him is saying. Like, how could she lie with those eyes? He swears he's looking at mom who came back to life and waltzed back into their lives.

Gordon pops up next, and damn! If she thought to be Lucille's spitting image, from that little description pic, then this man is taking it up a notch! Same features, different gender. It's almost frightening. Gordon, on the other hand, is totally unaffected by any negative thoughts and emotions, just excited to hear about this new, strange thing, egg donation, and the fact that a new sibling is added to their family, even if she's just a half-sibling. It's still something from mom, and everything from mom is precious right now.

Alan is quick in presenting himself with a fist bump, a gesture that Quinn loves gladly, evolving it into a weird bro hand salute Alan seems to be on board with, professionalism not necessary right now. After all, if she’s in college right now…same as him! They’re college buddies!

Last but not least brother, John, shaking briefly her hand and directing a hidden thumbs up at Scott, who nods and exhales briefly, his worries dissolving temporarily.

Kayo is up, her way of shaking hands translated into shoving a tablet into Quinn's face, that shrugs and places her thumb on it, more than calm about the fact that they can't get money from her as she's broker than a broken record, having invested her last savings in...tacos. Kayo swiftly nods, and Quinn just shrugs, before she gets presented to the next person.

A sweet old lady, who seems very spirited. “Hello, gal! Well, I’ll be damned, you’re her spitting image!” This makes Quinn crack a wide smile, the girl identical in her biological mother even in these simple gestures. "I'm Sally, but you can call me Grandma. I'm the boys' grandmother and Jeff's mother. It's nice you finally joined us." To unknot her nerves, Grandma gently squeezes Quinn's shoulder, to which the girl looks at her warmly. This woman, this part of her newfound family, has this capacity to melt her worries and insecurities away in a way...familiar to her, like it's been done to her since she was born.

"Don't blame her too much, she has this knack for always showing up late." Laurie butts in the conversation after being presented too to the boys, daring to see if a joke can fix up the mood.

"I call it being fashionably late." Quinn replies, swooshing a strand of hair behind her shoulder smugly.

Grandma laughs heartily. "I know a thing or two about it. Between us, but...your mother was always fashionably late too." She confesses to the girls, Quinn gaping a little.

"See?" She triumphantly points out. "It's all in the genes!"

Laurie laughs too, looking at her bestie. “Don’t give her excuses now, or it’ll get to her head!”

Quinn is about to counterattack with a not too ladylike answer, when another voice joins in the conversation again. "Clinton Smith?" She turns to look at Jeff, which looks at the envelope then at her.

“Oh, yeah, that’s my donor dad. Or at least that’s all I know about him, I haven’t visited him yet.” She replies, looking somewhere else with a bitter smile, that doesn’t go unnoticed by Jeff.

“Is he…unavailable too?” He tries this word, not having enough guts built up to say that word, that nefarious word he wishes he never had to say to describe his wife.

“Actually…I don’t know?” She replies questionably back, scratching her neck in the process. “I haven’t been able to find him at all. Either he vanished, or he doesn’t want to be found, or…yeah.”

“Doesn’t want to be found…why is that?” Jeff asks back, trying to understand more from that situation; maybe he can help, he can ‘rescue’ her if she wants to.

“Well, there’s his name, but no address. But I suppose if he didn’t want to be found, then he wouldn’t have wanted his name to be added to that document, because it’s supposed to be for me to read once I came of age.” She plops down to her previous seat, crossing her arms with a focused frown painted on her face, the upper lip touching her nose septum, her dimples visible and her eyes looking upwards, painting Lucille’s face with an almost childish and exaggerated undertone. “I know I’m very late in searching for them since I got the documents, but if you don’t want your child to know anything about you, then…you cancel everything they might know about you, right?”

“I don’t know exactly, it never happened to me…” He replies ironically, earning a broad smile from his boys, a sign that they had a father from the start that cared about them and loved them deeply. “But if you want to get to know him, we can help you out.”

She widens her eyes slightly. “Really? You don’t have to…”

“Yeah, of course! Family is important, and if you want to know exactly who both of your biological parents are it’s perfectly normal! I just happen to know a detective that can help you out on this, that is if you accept our help.” He states tentatively, knowing he doesn’t have any ‘power’ over her, despite her being Lucille’s first child and only daughter, her only female lineage, making her very precious; but at the same time he knows that he can’t force her to be a part of their lives just because she’s family by blood, she has another adoptive family that love her and raised her to be the woman she is now. The decision to be a Tracy must belong to Quinn and Quinn only. “And, of course, I’ll tell you more about your biological mother as well.”

“Well…” Quinn takes it all in, pondering deeply which answer she should give in return and moving her gaze to the floor. She knows that if she replies positively, this means she’ll come in contact with part of her biological family again, but she also knows that this decision is totally up to her, just like before when Jeff allowed her to explain who she was and why she was connected with this family. The question is, does she want to be part of this family? She already has another one, the one that has been there with her from the start, waiting for her at home. Can she replace them so easily? Being part of more than a family at once, even her biological dad’s side, is it possible? Does it mean that if she chooses to do this, she’ll have to leave her ‘old’ family behind, or can she rotate between one family and the other on random days?

“I’m sorry…” She finally comes up with an answer. “...but I have to think about it. This thing about Lucille has been a huge blow for me, and I’m not saying this because she…well, passed, but I think it would have been a blow even if today I would’ve gotten to talk to her. I received the document just recently…and…you guys…”

“Don’t apologize at all, Quinn, it’s understandable.” This is the first time that man calls her by her name. it’s…strange. “You have yet to elaborate all of this, and we’re here when, if, you’ll be ready to talk to us again.”

“Thank you.” Quinn smiles fondly at Jeff, and for the first time since she smiled at him, it seems like Lucille is smiling at him again after 19 long years where the world has been deprived of his wife’s warm and innocent smile. Another person notices, and where Jeff forces himself to keep the tears in, Virgil can’t manage to, a single, lonely, tear leaving a trail down his cheek but a happy smile painted on his chiseled face, Scott and John reaching out to place a hand on each of his shoulders, sharing the same emotion he’s feeling in seeing that smile, happy that they got the wish to see their mother’s smile one last time, even if it’s not their mother that’s in front of them right now. She captivated with that dimpled smile of hers everyone in the room, not just Jeff and his second eldest, and she doesn’t even notice it, how similar but how different she is from her biological mother. She glimmers with that smile.

“So…I’ll go home now, I think I already spent too much of your time.”

“Believe me,” Jeff starts, raising himself up to his feet and prompting his eldest and Quinn to do the same. “This time has been very well spent.”

“Are you sure you don’t want to stay for dinner?” Alan, surprisingly, asks, like it’s not the first time he makes this question. Surprisingly, because he doesn’t feel the same way as his brothers and dad; sure, he saw mom’s photos, but she unfortunately doesn’t have the same place in his heart like it does for everyone else of them, since he didn’t have the opportunity to grow up with her, leaving the surprisingly vivid picture of her with an eerie heaviness over it, almost as if, everytime he looks at his mom, it’s like he’s worshiping a Goddess. It used to be like this with his dad too, before he returned from the deserted and secluded place he was left in for all these years, just after mom’s death…for as long as he can remember before things changed, his dad disappeared, his mom left them, and he was essentially an orphan growing up with his brothers, under Scott’s guardianship over nothing more than a toddler. But now that he looks at things under another perspective…it’s bad to say, but she also will never get the chance to meet her, didn’t get the chance to grow up with her either, and will always look at her photo to remember where she came from…they’re similar, if not the same, in this. Maybe they can help each other.

“Yeah, we have pizza!” Gordon butts in too, visibly perturbed by her departure.

“If you remember to place the call to order it.” John points out like usual with a raised eyebrow, earning an eye roll from his younger pufferfish sibling.

“I’d love to, but my parents are waiting for me at home.” Quinn turns towards Jeff, as if to seek some approbation from the Commander Supreme. “Another time, maybe?”

He nods, waiting for his two youngest sons’ faint oh’s to dissipate before speaking again. “We are more than happy to welcome you again. You can take my contact or one of my sons’, so that you can have your way of reaching out when you’re ready to.” He offers, glancing at his sons that all nod.

“Yeah, that would be a great idea. I hope you won’t mind if I take my time in…”

“Ah, no worries! We’re more than happy to help.” Jeff replies while he scribbles something on a paper, probably his comm link or his number; once he’s finished, instead of passing it to Quinn he raises it somewhere on his right, Virgil taking the paper and scribbling something on it too. “Once you’re ready, reach out to us, here’s our contacts.” Once the paper is in Jeff’s hands again, after it being passed through some brothers, he hands it over to Quinn, who takes it gladly, folding it and tucking it into her romper’s pockets.

“Well, then, I’ll leave you to your dinner. Thank you for everything, and it’s been a pleasure meeting you.” Quinn bows her head slightly, smiling warmly to everyone.

“It’s a pleasure for us too, and it was nice meeting you too, Laurie.”

“Are you living far from here? Do you need one of us to accompany you?” Virgil asks, his ever caring spirit always present.

Quinn shoots a quick glance to Laurie, which in the meantime has almost teleported to her side; in exchange, Laurie raises her eyebrows and glances to the side, Quinn responding to her by shrugging slightly, and this ‘conversation’ goes on for a bit, all the while Virgil looks confused at them, then at his father.

“It’s a girl’s way of communicating, boys. You wouldn’t know.” Grandma intercepts the question marks in Virgil’s mind, talking to everyone.

“Well,” Quinn’s voice makes them all turn towards her and her bestie, who is smiling. “She’s coming back home with me, and we live just here across the neighborhood, so we’ll manage on our own, thank you anyways.”

“Perfect then. We hope to see you soon again, and I wish you good luck again on your journey. Please say hi to Bentley from me, and tell her I’m sorry I didn’t get to visit her and Charlie.” The procession has finally arrived at the door, escorting warmly their newfound family member out.

Quinn smiles as a sign of gratitude, before dropping her jaw to the floor and widen her eyes. “You know my parents?”

“Of course! Me and Luci have known them for a very long time now, we’ve been to school together, but we lost contact after we started working and had our children.”

“Oh…!” Quinn replies, then looks at the floor and smiles. “Sure, I’ll let them know.” She looks at Jeff with that smile on again. That warm smile that makes her dangerously familiar in his eyes.

“Well then, thank you for coming by. It was truly needed.”

“You’re kidding me? Thank you for having me!”

Once they finish bidding their farewells and the door closes, making them depart from the ranch, she turns towards her bestie, her smile radiant. “Girl, that was…”

“I’d say it was a success, but you didn’t find your mom.” Laurie counters, matching her newfound speed towards Quinn’s home. “Why are we running?”

“Well, but my parents are supposed to know her well, and I have all these step-brothers. And…oh, don’t brag.”

“We have no reason for running!” Laurie hisses, out of breath, her long locs whirling in the wind. “They can help you find your biological father too. Maybe you have some brothers or sisters from there too.”

“Well…” They both pant profusely, finally arriving at their destination; Quinn also lets out a deep sigh. “I don’t know…I gotta talk to my parents. I want to know them, but…having them in my life…ugh! I need tacos.”

“Nu-huh. We’re home now and we’re eating what your parents made. Stop spending your life savings on tacos, bestie.” Laurie ushers Quinn towards the entrance door, forcing the latter to get the keys out to open it with another deep sigh. “And if talking with your parents is what you need…just, think about it. They are pretty important after all.”

“Hm?” Quinn says after greeting her parents loudly, announcing them she’s back home. “They’re just my biological half-brothers and their dad. Yeah, they’re important, but-” “Girl,” Laurie interrupts her with a serious face, making Quinn furrow her eyebrows in confusion. “You have no idea who they are, do you?”

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jeffannieresource · 9 months

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My (long, long, very long) List of Favorite Jeff/Annie fics -- Part 1b

Click here to read the notes for this list Click here for Part 1a

Tell the World That We Finally Got It Right by ameliajessica Rated: T Date Originally Posted: Feb 06, 2015 "IT'S A BEAR DANCE!" Chaos ensues! Riot! Food fight! Jeff and Annie hiding from the mayhem!

Inevitable by Waffleberry Rated: T Date Originally Posted: Feb 7, 2015 He has thought about it so many times in the summer break; of course he has; and what he has deduced is that it wasn’t just Racquel that broke in that lab. Something between them fractured.

Cry Uncle by Fayth82 Rated: T Date Originally Posted: Feb 21, 2015 He's had those words running around his head all week and it was slowly driving him crazy. It will only take one little thing to tip him over the edge.

DVD Extras by PepperF Rated: T Date Originally Posted: March 16, 2015 Movie-making, romantic melodrama as proxy, the art of subtle manipulation, and ghost (?) ninja alien robots.

If It’s Real (It Stains Your Hand Like Wine) by wright_or_wrong Rated: T Date Originally Posted: May 2, 2015 “But I think to really sell it,” Abed muses. “We need a kiss. I mean, you guys are about to die. What would keep you from going for it?” Alternate/Missing scene for 6x08.

When a Resistable Force Meets a Moveable Object by PepperF Rated: T Date Originally Posted: May 5, 2015 Things are fine, really. The kissing is just an aberration. WAS. WAS an aberration.

only fools rush in by ameliajessica Rated: E Date Originally Posted: May 7, 2015 - Aug 3, 2015 Jeff and Annie are terrible at casual sex. Well, Annie is.

Coming Clean by thebaddestwolf Rated: E Date Originally Posted: June 8, 2015 to Aug 3, 2015 It almost didn’t seem real -- that he’d finally, finally, told her, that he’d kissed her -- that she’d asked him to. After the mess he’d made of everything, all the self-sabotage and self-loathing and other self-inflicted pain, the solution boiled down to something as simple as coming clean to her. A missing scene fic, starting after the S6 finale study room kiss. Spoilers, obviously.

You’ll See How Well We Rhyme by wright_or_wrong Rated: T Date Originally Posted: June 9, 2015 "It’s probably why he’s felt so envious of Annie, going out and changing her life, chasing something new and better – and it’s probably why it was so easy to come up with alternate scenarios for the future after she got her internship. There’s got to be something better out there for him too." Post S6 finale

Advanced Manipulation and Mindfulness Techniques by PepperF Rated: T Date Originally Posted: Jan 31, 2016 Fours all have this look: alert, cunning, and ravenous. It may be hell at the bottom and heaven at the top, but one level down the pressure is enough to forge diamonds. But Annie thrives under pressure.

Intro to Freudian Slips by randomramblesff Rated: G Date Originally Posted: Feb 11, 2016 “By which you mean, Chang emails me rankings every day and I don't respond, because if I did, it would always be Annie one, Britta two.” An alternative ending to Basic Email Security (Season 6, Episode 6) where Jeff is a gupti-gupta who accidentally said something he probably shouldn't have said.

Basic Truth by PepperF Rated: T Date Originally Posted: March 20, 2016 What if Annie had been in the study room instead of Britta?

Aimless Walking and Significant Moments by greendalecoolcat Rated: T Date Originally Posted: April 10, 2016 Jeff reveals information to Annie. She takes him on a walk.

Emotional First Aid for Amateur Busybodies by PepperF Rated: T Date Originally Posted: April 21, 2016 School's out and Annie's going away and nothing really matters. Which doesn't explain why he's awake at 2 a.m. worrying about it all.

Open Doors and New Beginnings by greendalecoolcat Rated: M Date Originally Posted: June 1, 2016 An alternate version of the finale.

One More Goodbye by Nostalgia_101 Rated: T Date Originally Posted: June 5, 2016 Annie's last night in Greendale before leaving for D.C.

Five Times That Annie Seduced Jeff, and One Time She Got Distracted and Forgot (But It Worked Anyway) by PepperF Rated: T Date Originally Posted: June 7-8, 2016 I'm just going to let that title speak for itself.

Lecherous by CeleryLapel Rated: T Date Originally Posted: Aug 18, 2016 to Sept 9, 2019 Canon Divergent fic immediate post Remedial Chaos Theory

Alternative Teleologies of Narrative: A Holistic Approach by jeffwik Rated: T Date Originally Posted: Sept 3, 2016 "Or maybe the dean was right?" Annie asked. "About us?" She searched his features, looking for confirmation of what she'd been so certain of when she'd come up with the whole stupid crack-Troy-and-record-a-taunting-message-to-get-Jeff-to-admit-he-wanted-her plan.

Certainty by CeleryLapel Rated: K Date Originally Posted: Jan 22, 2017 Post-S6. Jeff and Annie are dating. They haven't yet told his mother.

Tell Me by randomramblesff Rated: M Date Originally Posted: March 20, 2017 When he first tells, her he feels partly pathetic and partly terrified. He’s been thinking about it for a while, mulling over all the ways he could screw things up. It’s not that he has a common history for ending things because of what happens in the bedroom - well, technically he doesn’t have a common history for any of it seeing as he’d only really class two or three of his past relationships as just that, genuine relationships – but he knows there’s some sort of expectation floating above him like a cloud. (or... Jeff and Annie take things slow when she gets back from DC)

You Are the Opera (Always on Time and in Tune) by PepperF Rated: T Date Originally Posted: March 23-26, 2017 It had been a long week. Hell, it had been a long forty years, and by the end of Friday he was feeling the weight of every weary minute. So he chose to blame the tiredness for what happened—that, and the tequila. He could never get the hang of tequila. It wasn't his fault he couldn't be strong for even one more minute.

Fill in the Gaps by randomramblesff Rated: T Date Originally Posted: April 27, 2017 ��I’m Annie,” She stood forward, her champagne free hand ready to shake. “My fiancée.” “Pffft, ugh, sorry,” She tapped at her chest with the palm of her hand, knocking even more wind out of her than Jeff had already just done, “the, erm, the champagne, I think, didn’t settle right.”

Resolved by NE8675309 Rated: T Date Originally Posted: June 16-29, 2017 Jeff has been forced to realize his feelings for Annie just as she has decided to ignore his very existence. While Jeff is trying to make up for his own past indifference, Annie is trying to make a new start free from her own naivete. Angst and misunderstandings ensue. Post S5. Takes place during the Summer as an Alternate S6.

Basic Booty Call Etiquette by Pigzxo Rated: E Date Originally Posted: Aug 19, 2017 Their yam isn't murdered but Annie still sends that text. You're about to be screwed in the bio lab.

Just Like Always by greendalecoolcat Rated: T Date Originally Posted: Sept 2, 2017 It wasn’t just a debate kiss, or school dance make out. It wasn’t small spaces under blanket forts and it wasn’t smiles from across the room. It was sex and the most intimate moment of her life because it was with the man she loved.

Introduction to Sex Toys by Pigzxo Rated: E Date Originally Posted: Sept 11, 2017 All Annie wants is to buy a discounted vibrator at Dildopolis in peace. Unfortunately, with Jeff insisting on walking her to her door and the flash sale only lasting ten minutes, this quickly becomes impossible. The result? A messy, bumpy, totally unhealthy venture into friends-with-benefits territory.

Emotional Consequences of Cross Country Migrations (x) by cgkm2099z Rated: PG-13/M Date Originally Posted: Oct 3, 2017 This takes place mostly in between the final scene in Study Room F and when Jeff drops Annie and Abed at the airport. It's my own answer to the question: "what happened in that week in between?"

#AndAMovie by albatross9 Rated: G Date Originally Posted: Feb 16, 2018 Post season 6. Annie is surprised to find Jeff Winger on her doorstep and even more surprised when he volunteers to escort her an important work event when her real date flakes. All goes according to plan until their friends decide to crash the gala. Frankie has a surprise for everyone and the group decides that crashing Annie's work event is the best course of action. What can possibly go wrong?

The Mistakes Not Made under the Moonlight by Natalie_Carson Rated: G Date Originally Posted: May 14, 2018 During Basic RV Repair and Palmistry, Jeff sneaks out of the RV late at night unable to sleep only to find that one of the other Greendale seven couldn't sleep either.

I know that other things are not of consequence by middlemarch Rated: T Date Originally Posted: Aug 1, 2020 Something was ringing. It wasn't his alarm. It was his fucking doorbell.

Theories of Romantic Expressionism by Little_Annie_Adderall Rated: T Date Originally Posted: Aug 13, 2020 Annie's 21st birthday party. She rarely thinks of herself as "the young one" in the group anymore. But there's always one person who points out her tender age at every ill-timed opportunity. Tonight, she wants to prove her new adult identity. Although whether she wants to prove this new identity to herself or to... him... she isn't entirely sure. So on December 19, the study group gathers to celebrate Annie Edison finally going to a bar without having to be Caroline Decker from Corpus Christi. And once there, she receives a gift that changes everything.

Falling off the Precipice by HarmonizingSunsets Rated: G Date Originally Posted: Sept 29, 2020 Annie and Jeff aren’t a thing. If they were a thing, Annie would know about it. I mean…she thinks she’d know… Annie and Jeff are done with the will-they-won’t-they thing.

Casting by L56895 Rated: T Date Originally Posted: Oct 13, 2020 Jeff isn’t sure why he agreed to be casting director.

Constants and Variables by Raj_Sound Rating: T Date Originally Posted: Oct 21, 2020 to Jan 21, 2023

Advanced Beginner Knots by jeffwik Rated: T Date Originally Posted: Dec 3, 2020 In the aftermath of “Intro to Knots” Jeff and Annie hook up.

Countdown by practicingmypurpose Rated: T Date Originally Posted: Dec 16, 2020 sight, smell, taste, sound, feel.

Five by onenotewaffles Rating: E Date Originally Posted: June 16, 2021 to August 19, 2021 Set after the events of E304 in timeline 5, my third-favorite timeline.

Pottery for Dummies by naboojakku Rated: T Date Originally Posted: July 18, 2021 Annie tries pottery. Jeff quietly—then not so quietly—loses his mind.

Psychology of Deception by andropithecus Rated: M Date Originally Posted: July 21, 2021 to Aug 6, 2021 Jeff has always been pretty good at lying, and at getting out of things that he doesn't want to do. But what will he do when his Mom corners him into Christmas dinner and asks him to bring the girlfriend that he (lied and) told her he had? Lots of fluff, lots of fun, and an irritated Annie will ensue.

Cruel Summer by Olivia Sprite Rated: E Date Originally Posted: Sept 13, 2021 Jeff comes out to DC to visit Annie during her summer internship, and it takes everything in Annie not to mention 'The Annie of it all,' lest her heart is broken one more time.

All I Want for Christmas by Olivia Sprite Rated: E Date Originally Posted: Dec 24, 2021 Jeff and Annie are dating, and all Annie wants for Christmas is you-know-what. But a mysterious present means it's time to team up and investigate! A little mystery, a little snow, a classic caper; will our beautiful dummies get what they want this holiday season?

Social History and Holiday Revisionism by PinkCanary Rated: E Date Originally Posted: Dec 4, 2022 Seven years after Annie leaves Greendale, she comes back for the holidays.

#jeff x annie #fanfic recommendations #fanfiction

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ourpickwickclub · 2 months

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B, which interview is that from? ( both shattered)

She talked about how they were both ‘dying’ in interviews this week. I used the word shattered. I think it fits. They both have said multiple times how broken they were when they started talking. I have a feeling that when they met first in 2014 they were both in horrible places in their lives. It is particularly awful because Blake should have been enjoying the height of his career and Gwen should have been enjoying a new baby and The Voice. But their exes both could not stand to see them succeed, even though they exploited those successes), so life was miserable. They were both being cheated one, married to people who were secretly having other long term relationships. Both of them found out in Feb 2015 and both seem to have considered reconciling anyway. But both exes seemed hardly even remorseful and I think both Blake and Gwen had their epiphanies of, I am worth more than this! Both decided to end their marriages. Blake lost so much weight and looked almost gaunt. Gwen looked tense and drawn. They were going through imaginable pain. Blake called it a deep dark pit. Gwen said her life was over except for being a mom. They were clearly traumatized and beaten. But despite being shattered, they found each other and clung to each other, began a passionate, once in a lifetime love story, and are still true partners to this day.

From Kate: https://x.com/forgwenandblake/status/1761194647219732939?s=46&t=35VB4--C0G7g9fUplMWyTQ

https://x.com/forgwenandblake/status/1761194647219732939?s=46&t=35VB4--C0G7g9fUplMWyTQ

- B

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thatonebirdwrites · 5 months

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Can I just say I fucking love Sam Arias? Of COURSE, she's back! Honestly, I think showrunners had to send her away because Lena wouldn't have gone to the darkest of places because Sam would have been there to remind her that there is some hope in humanity, because Sam never lied to her. Sam is basically her best buddy, her wingwoman.

Sam would have talked her out of Non Nocere by asking just the right questions, and Lena would likely say, "Ugh, Sam, stop making me think and feel."

Sam would reply, "You know, I think you need a hug now." Upon which, Lena would be all grouchy but allow it. And of course Ruby would appear out of nowhere to tackle Lena in a surprise hug, and who can be angsty and despairing with that kid around? In this essay I will....

EXCERPT From Near the Start of The Chapter:

“Hey.” Sam’s voice draws her out of her research haze. “You unable to sleep?” She stands in the kitchen’s archway, her eyebrows scrunched in concern. She’s wearing navy blue pajama pants and a large T-shirt with a crow on it, and her shoulder-length brown hair falls in soft waves.

Lena shrugs. “Nightowl. Why are you up? You should be resting.”

“I normally wake at six,” Sam says, amused. “May I join you?” Sam gestures to the other stool in front of the counter.

“Sure.” Turning back to her search, she clicks through another record, the translation program she ad-hoc-ed for Irish in the other window.

“What are you researching?” Sam fills a glass with water and settles on the stool next to her.

“My adoption papers were missing,” Lena says, absently. The screen is a little hazy, so she reluctantly puts on her glasses back on. Later, she’ll switch to contacts. “Searching Irish records for my birth currently.”

“Why would they be missing?” Sam frowns.

Lena sighs. “Lillian hated that I was Irish. I thought she hated me in general, but when I put a truthseeker on her a few weeks ago, she…” The memory is laced with shock and pain still. “… she said she loved me. I don’t know what that means. Her actions have always been hurtful.”

“Abusive people can still love, but that doesn’t mean it’s healthy,” Sam says, her voice soft.

Lena glances at her friend. “Therapy is making you wise, Sam.”

“Well, it’s got to be good for something, right?” Sam sips her water. “Love is a complicated topic for you, isn’t it?”

“Yes.” Lena clicks through to the next page and narrows the search on her birthdate. Or at least the one the Luthors have used for her. The more she digs into her Irish past, the more she realizes the lies her adopted family told her. It infuriates her.

“What is love, Sam?” Lena pushes back from her laptop and looks at her friend. No, more than a friend. A sister - part of Lena’s chosen family. “I understand it scientifically. A series of chemicals in our brain and nervous system that induces feelings of connection.”

Sam studies her, her brown eyes thoughtful. “It’s more than that.”

Lena gestures for her to continue.

“Fair warning,” Sam holds up her hands. “I’m going to be super sappy now.”

Lena rolls her eyes. “I don’t think you can defeat Kara’s sap.”

“Now that’s a challenge!” Sam grins, but then her smile fades, and her gaze unfocuses. “Love is warmth. Hope. A connection that bridges time and space. It’s how I survived Reign.” She pauses to rub her hand on her leg, a sure sign she’s nervous. “When I was trapped in that damn forest, I wrote Ruby’s name, my name, yours, and I kept writing it. It was my love for all of you that kept me fighting. Kept me hoping you’d find the cure, and you did. All of you did. That connection, that feeling of vulnerability love creates? It’s the strongest force in the universe. Not even Reign could destroy it, and we both know she tried.”

“Love as a force, that’s not one I’ve heard before,” Lena tries to quip, but instead, she finds herself tearing up again. She turns back to her laptop. “Dammit, I didn’t cry this much before Kara died and I resurrected her.”

“Lena, what’s really going on?” Sam’s gentle concern only makes Lena want to cry more.

“I think I’m in love with Kara,” Lena blurts it out before she loses her nerve. “But I don’t know how to trust her again. She lied to me for years, Sam. I keep telling her that I’m working through the hurt. I want to forgive her, but I just…”

“You’re angry.”

The moment Sam says it, Lena realizes she is. She is angry. So very angry. It surprises and alarms her. How much of her rage lately relates to Kara's confession then? How much to Kara's death, where Lena's rage and grief magically brings Kara back? Or at Lex orchestrating Kara’s death?

Unnerved, she traces her finger along the edge of the counter. Parsing intricately layered emotions like this feels insurmountable. Like she's climbing a massive mountain with little to no gear. It brings to mind that dark void Dreamer and her got stuck in when her attempt at a safe space imploded. For Jack's death, she was numb, the grief apparently shoved deep down, but for Kara, she is the exact opposite - a boiling cauldron of emotion.

#supercorp #sam arias #lena luthor #kara x lena #kara zor el #kara danvers #supergirl cw #supergirl #supercorp fanfic #read it on ao3 #Sam Arias appreciation post #Sam and Lena's friendship #fencing with Lena

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look-at-the-soul · 1 year

Text

The Photoshoot-Part 42 The Date edition

Cillian Murphy

Series Master list 2014, 2015

A/N: I want to start this chapter by celebrating @peakyscillian for 1.5 k followers ! Congratulations dear Lau! I hope you get a lot more! ✨🎉💐 so I was inspired by your amazing dating series but I made my couple go on a date. ♥️

Especial notes: 1) You don’t have to follow the series to read this part, the only things you need to know is Cillian’s wife, Yael is a photographer, the story is set in September 2015, they met at a Photoshoot Cillian did at the end of filming S2 of Peaky Blinders and they are struggling with infertility at the moment, Cillian decides to take her on a special date as he needs to get in the skin of Tommy Shelby.

2) For this part I got the amazing help of two people who actually know about horses, my dear Cia (holacia2) & @notyour-valentine I can’t thank you both enough for all the input you shared with me -the one who knows nothing about horses- you made me imagine everything while writing, thank you for making this possible (you will find your names through the chapter as my way to thank you for your support) 🥰

Her whole body ached, specially her legs after that barre class. Cillian had convinced her it would be a good thing to go back to do the things she loved the most. It wasn’t easy for her, but at least she wanted to try, for him.

Taking her bottle of water, she took a big gulp, just as a voice called for her.

“Hello!”

Turning around, she found another woman smiling at her.

“Hey.”

“It’s good to see you back,” but looking at Yael’s puzzled look, she touched her arm, “oh! I’m sorry we never talked but we’re in the same class, I’m Liv.”

“Nice to meet you, I’m Yael.”

“That’s such an unique name, never heard it before…”

Yael chuckled, the amount of times she had to write it down because people couldn’t understand it…

“I missed coming over, now I’ll feel so sore tomorrow.”

“No pain, no gain… or so they say.” Liv laughed. “I’m heading for a coffee, do you want to come?”

To her own surprise, Yael found herself nodding. There was something so charismatic about that woman, she had a light blood and nice energy around her.

“Sorry if I made a face before, I don’t have friends here, all the people I know is friend’s with my husband…” Yael apologized as they were waiting in the queue.

“No worries, we never talked before.” She mumbled while checking the menu. “Where are you from?”

“The UK.” Yael answered ordering the same coffee she always got. “Are you Irish?”

“Nope, I was born in the UK as well, but we moved over here since I was a toddler, so I’m basically another local.”

“That’s really nice.” She waited until Liv ordered to walk to a table. “Thanks for reaching out, all my close friends aren’t here… and I could use one right now.” Her eyes watered in a snap, her pain right there in the surface.

Liv reacted the only way she knew. “Oh darling, what’s the matter? We can sit outside the terrace is empty.”

“Sorry, I’m just all over the place.” Taking her sunglasses from her bag, she decided to hide beneath them. “God, what you must be thinking of me right now, how embarrassing.”

“Nothing bad, just that you need someone to listen.”

Liv moved back in her chair as their coffees arrived, and offered Yael a napkin.

“You know, I could use a friend too, but I’m too shy at the class because all of those ladies look me upside down.” She made a face and rolled her eyes. That made Yael chuckle.

“Most of them look like frustrated ballerinas.”

“But I mean it.” Liv looked at her, feeling like she was a good person. “Whatever is bothering you…”

The day was beautiful, Yael noticed, the sun up and bright, the terrace had big trees in front of it, surrounding the locals.

“I really appreciate your kindness, but it’s a little bit recent and the last thing I want to be thinking of is that. Maybe I’ll tell you another day.” She gave her new friend a try of a smile, it was just too personal to share. “Did I interrupt your reading?” Yael asked taking a look at the book poking out from Liv’s bag.

“Not at all, I always have a book with me, as I’ve to wait in the boring queue at school to pick up my kids.” She then went on to take a bite of the muffin, “Oh! This is so good, you should try it!”

Yale accepted one small bite and offered some of her own to Liv, but with that small detail she realized how Liv really was a good person, without knowing her, she was willing to share her food. She liked her already.

“I love reading as well, maybe we can exchange books or something.” Yael proposed.

“I’d love to do that! Let’s make this a regular, class, coffee and books.” Liv suggested with a huge smile.

And Yael couldn’t agree more, they spent some good time chatting about their lives, another things they enjoyed to do, their families… As they waved goodbye to go on their respective days she hugged Liv and thanked her one more time for her kindness, feeling like a nice friendship was starting, she felt so grateful for meeting someone like Liv.

***

“So I was thinking, maybe I could invite her somewhere? A little dinner to celebrate Liv’s belated birthday?” Yael asked Cillian from the en-suite, running her eyes over the bottles of shampoo, body lotion and other toiletries they would need. “Love?”

Cillian’s eyes were lost in thoughts, sitting by the end of the bed.

“What? Yeah.” He shook his head a little.

“You’re not paying attention.”

Cillian scoffed. Busted. “You’re there talking in your underwear… how am I supposed to focus?”

Yael blushed, suddenly aware, feeling self conscious, she took the leggings she just bought from the shelf and then threw the fluffy sweater over her head, it was longer than a usual jumper, so it covered her bum perfectly, her dark curly hair was now dry, so she did a quick messy bun at the top of her head.

He loved to listen her talk about her activities, especially now about the new friend she just made, until now he didn’t think of how lonely Yael was, of course his family was close and that was such a relief for him, but it wasn’t the same, soon he would be gone for months to film the upcoming season of Peaky Blinders and having a friend close could make things easier for his wife.

“Are you sure these are fine? You said comfortable clothes…”

“That’s perfect.” He smiled, glad that she had been taking her barre classes constantly, listening to her little stories of her new friend, and the excitement over the secret date he had been planning.

Walking towards the bed, Yael left the things she was holding next to her weekend bag, then quietly made her way to sit on his lap, passing her arms around Cillian’s neck.

“Hi.”

His hands linked automatically around her waist. “Hey you.”

“I want to thank you for all the things you’ve done over the last days… I haven’t been on my best and-”

“You have nothing to thank me for.” He fixed his blue eyes on her features.

“I know, but really,” she tried to distract herself with the top button of his denim shirt, his lotion filling her senses. “You’ve been cooking most of the time, listened to my stupid fears over the treatment and I know I didn’t make it easy.”

She brought her lips to met his in a small peck.

“Without you and your support I wouldn’t be able to hold it together, I just want you to know I really appreciate the extra effort you’ve put to make things easier.”

Cillian’s fingers moved in slow circles over her jumper, he wanted to do more, do anything to take her pain away.

“I’d like to do a bit of thinking of our options, investigate more to make a decision of what’s the best road for us, both IVF and adoption are long and tired process and I don’t want to feel pressured.”

Cillian smiled pleased, she always dedicated a huge amount of time before making an important decision, she helped him be less impulsive, think of all the possible scenarios and outcomes.

“We’ll do this on your pace, take all the time you need.” He kissed her, feeling her worries melting away. Her lips telling him a lot more than words could.

“You’re seriously the best husband ever.”

He chuckled. “Ah, that’s because I’ve the best wife.”

“Does it means I’m your favorite?”

Cillian arched his eyebrows, “of course you’re my favorite wife!”

And they embraced each other in a tight hug, feeling some kind of weight was lifted from their shoulders, their journey wasn’t easy, but they got to face it together and that was exactly what they needed. Support, teamwork, union…

“Will you tell me of this secret plans you have?”

“Not yet.”

Yael looked at him with a pout.

“Just a little hint?”

Cillian groaned and made her stand up. “Fine, Tommy needs to come out from the wardrobe for the new season, I need to remove the dust from him.”

Yael squealed as she felt his hand sneak down her back, then to her bum to give her a squeeze and a wink.

“Are you going to tell me what will happen to him?”

But he was already shaking his head before she could finish. “No, you asked for a hint of the plans not the script.”

“Ah, I won’t tell nobody.”

Cillian stopped at the top of the stairs, holding the bag in one hand, bringing her close by the waist with the other. “You’ll have to ask Thomas Shelby.”

She was surprised by the sudden brummie accent, his deep voice making her purr internally, a tingle running up and down her body. But she still tried to get him to speak as they drove to his sister’s house, Yael was extremely excited for the small change, for getting out of the house since some days were harder than the others.

Scout didn’t pay them any attention as they walked out the door, he was busy chasing after Sienna, bumping the stuffed animals with his nose.

“Do you know why is he so mysterious?” Yael squinted her eyes at Orla, keeping her voice down.

“No, he never tells… once he took Evan to Aspen for snowboard lessons and didn’t say anything, until he saw Joseph Gordon-Levitt and freaked out.”

“I swear if he takes me to a shooting camp, I’ll come back walking.” She joked wondering if she could switch places with Orla’s husband.

Orla suppressed a laugh as her brother walked out of the bathroom.

“Enjoy the weekend.”

Over an hour later, Yael saw they were entering a huge ranch, it seemed like a private property full of big trees, a huge structure in the back.

“Where are we?” Her mouth was hanging open by the sight before her eyes.

“This is a horses sanctuary.” He smiled proudly, offering his hand to help her out of the car.

Before Yael had time to react, two women approached the car and as they got closer he greeted them.

“This is Val and this is Cia, let me introduce you to my wife, Yael.”

“It’s so nice to meet you!” Cia welcomed her in a short hug, followed by Val.

“I’m so glad you made the reservation.” She stated.

“When I started to prepare for my role in Peaky Blinders, I came here to take riding lessons, they showed me how to mount a horse, to caress them, well everything.”

“It’s nice to meet you, this is such an amazing surprise.”

Cillian took her hand while they walked around the property, they explained it was a business ran by a family and they were both in charge on the riding sessions.

“This is where we train the young horses we get.” Cia pointed to an big area protected by a tall fence.

“This is beautiful.” Yael breathed out, taking a look around she felt so much peace.

“Wait until you see the horses, that’s the real beauty of this place.” Val offered guiding them to the large stable.

Yael squeezed Cillian’s hand when they entered it, feeling so small in such a huge place, she kept looking everywhere like a child in a candy store.

“This is Thunder,” Cia pointed caressing the first horse. “That one is Sonny, he was born here on a sunny day that’s why his name, and that beauty over there is Star, Penny, is living here temporarily,” she touched every single horse on her way with such a love oozing, and the most impressive thing was they equally gave it back. “Oh, bless you Moose.” She chuckled as one of them sneezed.

“Badger, usually kicks in excitement don’t get scared” Val started to explain just as they hear a loud kick, the hit on the wood echoed and Yael jumped in surprise. “There it is, he’s like a kid with hyperactivity.”

“Where’s Toni?” Asked Cillian remembering the one he used to learn to get used to horses while preparing for his role.

“Oh he’s at another fascility right now, working with children with special needs.”

“I came here to learn how to ride for the series.” He explained to his wife. “They take such a good care of them here, help them heal if they’re sick and show them how to be gentle with people, I met a boy with Down Syndrome while riding and his father told me it helped him so much with his skills and self esteem.”

“Would you like to give them a snack?” Cia asked, barely holding her excitement.

Yael doubted and took a step back, she had never been around horses before.

“It’s alright baby, here, let me show you.” Cillian took the apple slices from Cia’s hand and showed her how to do it. “It’s just like a big dog.”

“Yeah like ten times bigger!” Yael replied with a nervous chuckle still unsure, would the horse bite her hand?

“I’ve been told they can feel our emotions, our fears…” He understood her reluctance, at the beginning he was scared of riding a horse too. Cillian started caressing the muzzle of the horse to show her nothing bad would happen.

“If you don’t want to touch him in the face, you can caress his neck, they are very gentle.” Val offered from the opposite side.

As Yael nodded, she moved automatically to walk around to the other side, to stand next to Val, but her husband caught her right on time.

“It’s the other way around love, you never should walk behind the horse, he could kick you.” He explained so tenderly guiding her by the shoulders.

Yael chuckled nervously, it made sense. After touching the horse with just her fingertips, she realized he was so soft, but firm, moments later, she had completely warmed up to Harrison, smiling up whenever he made a little sound or move his ears, an indication that he was enjoying the petting and attention.

Cillian stepped back, watching his wife taking in the horse, the sparkle in her eyes didn’t go unnoticed to him, he was relieved to see her happy, enjoying the moment, Yael even asked to give Harrison another snack and laughed loudly when his nose touched her hand, it had a funny texture. They showed her how to brush the horse’s hair, it was surprising they had so many tools and it was a way to show some love and respect for the animal, the most beautiful thing about that sanctuary was that, they didn’t do it for the money, they wanted people to understand and value the animals.

But when the horse looked into her eyes, something changed inside of her. It felt as if the horse knew her battle. It was an indescribable moment, she was lost for words.

“Shall we go for a little ride?” Cia proposed and then Cillian winked at his wife.

Yael looked at every single person around with panic written all over her face.

“I tell all the couples that this is the test of fire, if they can ride together, they can live together.” Val encouraged them.

“The look on her face is screaming she’s scared he will throw her.” Cia joked.

“I’ve never been on a horse, and he’s usually making jokes and pranks…” Yael tried to explain.

Cillian faked indignation. “I’d never do such a thing.”

Val and Cia laughed, every single man who said that, did exactly the opposite to his wife.

“Don’t worry, you can ride with us, Cillian can ride by himself.” That seemed to calm Yael, because she accepted the boots Cia offered.

But it wasn’t just like that, let’s go and ride, boom, you’re on the horse, no… they spent a good amount of time showing Yael how to get on the horse, she had a good pliability by her years practicing ballet, but taking the impulse and swing your leg to then land carefully on top of the horse was a completely different task. And she failed several times on the saddle they set up to practice, but she got the chance to learn to control her body as well.

“Alright, keep your back straight,” Cia instructed Yael once she was on the horse, she could tell Cillian’s wife was so tense by her posture, “relax, it can feel a bit weird at first, let the horse guide you.” Cia was sitting behind Yael, holding the reins while she was holding onto the hom tightly.

“Ready?” Asked Val, she would guide Harrison by foot, to help Yael feel more comfortable with the ride.

“Are you sure he’s not going to run?”

“Harrison is very good, he’s such a gentleman and you’ve got Cia to control the pace and moves, don’t worry I’ll guide him slowly too.”

“Baby, you’ll feel a little pull at first.” Cillian warned Yael from his own horse, he was past that initial scary moment now, but he knew it was all new to her.

“Oh my freaking God!” She expressed in a panicked tone as the horse started to move. “Why didn’t you invite Evan to do this?” Yael closed her eyes tightly.

Everyone laughed, both Cia and Val were used to reactions like this when it was someone’s first time riding, it depended on the trust and bond the person could build with the horse.

“Try to not press your legs so much.” Val pointed out.

And finally after a few seconds, Yael opened her eyes, it felt a bit strange, the position she was sitting on, the movement, the way everything looked with the back of the head of the horse so close… but when she looked to her right and found Cillian smiling at her riding close, there were no words. She knew she would do it all over again.

“Eyes on the road please, you’re making me nervous.” She admitted loud enough for him to listen.

But this time, Yael laughed with them, she had started to feel comfortable enough to caress the horse’s hair and neck -trying not to lean too far-, but she was past the shock now, Cia even showed her how to take the reins, giving Yael instructions on how to make the horse take a left and then a right, showing that she was in total control.

“Oh wow, the stable looks so tiny from here.” Yael stated, looking how far they had moved.

“Do you wanna go back now?” Cillian asked, stopping his horse right in front of the other.

She nodded and they started to ride back, Val had to go back earlier to attend other customers. The view was absolutely breathtaking… as they got down from the horses, Cia suggested them go to the picnic table a few meters away from them. She gave the couple a look as they walked away, hoping the details Cillian requested would work, perhaps she should propose the romantic idea to the owners.

Reaching the picnic table under the tree, Yael gasped surprised as she saw everything; the table set for two, lemonade, tea, a pie, a basket with fresh fruits… she was touched by his gesture, her heart could explode from all the love she felt for him.

“This is beautiful, thank you.” She brushed her lips against his.

Cillian sighed relieved that she liked his plans.

“Had to compensate for the scary moment of riding a horse.” He chuckled.

She offered him a bite of one of the sandwiches and Cillian took it, looking right into her eyes, a soft smile decorating his lips. Taking a sip of his lemonade, Yael brushed a small leave from his hair, a lot of things were on her mind, but right there, looking at Cillian with the sun kissing his skin, the wind moving his hair, he was all she could focus on.

They enjoyed the food, it had been a long day and they would be staying close for the rest of the weekend, more riding lessons waiting for them. He needed to get into the mindset of his character and riding a horse was a fundamental part of Tommy Shelby.

“I’ve been thinking on what Val said earlier… about riding together.”

That caught Cillian’s attention, he fixed his eyes on her.

Taking a deep breath, Yael took his hand, looking for comfort, trying to ease her nerves by his touch. “I’d like to go for a ride… with you.”

Cillian was taken by surprise, the last bite of his sandwich stuffed into his mouth, but he was on his feet in seconds, taking a couple of cookies in his hand he offered his free one to his wife.

“Let’s go before you change your mind.” He celebrated pulling her excitedly, she laughed because of his eagerness.

Moments later, they were riding a beautiful dark chocolate horse named Brownie, but Cillian took her on another route, enjoying the calmness, riding together, he sitting behind Yael, his arms around her waist taking the reins, her body pressed gently against his chest, now knowing what to expect from the movement of the horse, trusting Cillian totally to take her wherever he wanted to.

She didn’t know how long they have been riding, but it surely helped her to clear her mind and heart, without realizing soon they reached the beach and the atmosphere changed completely as the sun was starting to go down,reflecting beautifully against the sea gifting them a breathtaking sunset.

One of his hands sneaked around, to wrap around her stomach, his thumb running small circles over her sweater, Yael bit her lower lip lightly thinking of this beautiful moment with her husband, of how much she had learned of herself in the last hours about horses, about riding, about trust.

“I want to try, Cill either way… IVF or adoption, whatever it is, as long as I have you by my side.” She didn’t have anymore doubts left, everything he did for her that day had been cathartic.

Slowly, she turned her head around to look at him, finding so much love in his eyes, she saw him nodding, now that she said it out loud it felt easier, lighter.

“Thank you for today, thank you for this beautiful date.”

Cillian brought up the hand that was holding her to cup her cheek, leaning his head forward, he captured her lips in a tender kiss. The sun lighting her features, making her glow.

He would take her on a hundred more dates.

****

Next part

A/N: Thank you for reading ☺️✨💐 I loved writing this part so much, I wanted them to have a moment of peace, romance, you already know it, your thoughts help me keep going and it’s the best payment I could get ✨

I read somewhere Cillian took a friend to do snowboarding while preparing for his role in Inception, I took inspiration from there too

Tag list: @lyarr24 @runnning-outof-time @cillmequick @gypsy-girl-08 @datewithgianni @cloudofdisney @lespendy @onlydeadcells @fastfan @winchestergirl22 @stevie75 @prettylittlehoneyeyesxoxo @esposadomd @strayrockette @forbidden-forest-witch @elenavampire21 @forgottenpeakywriter @peakyscillian @moral-terpitude @babaohhhriley @queenshelby @heidimoreton @ange-thoughts @shelbydelrey @shaddixlife @sloanexx @cilliansangel @rangerelik @already-broken144 @alessioayla @paprikabadger @dolllol2405 @conversationpits @itsilvermorny @lafell @imichelle-l-rigby @yrli8 @cutecurly-hair @mrkdvidal1989 @hyperfixationsonshuffle

#That’s what Cill said #cillian murphy #tommy shelby #cillian murphy imagine #cillian murphy fan fiction #cillian murphy x tommy shelby #modern tommy shelby imagine #cillianMurphy #cillian murphy x oc

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aparticularbandit · 4 months

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Instigation: Chapter Four

Summary: Steve sends Wanda to seek out an old witch he once knew, and eventually, Wanda brings said old witch back to meet her family.

Wanda Maximoff/Agatha Harkness

Chapter Rating: T. Fic Rating: T.

AO3

previous chapter

December 31, 2015.

Wanda stirs.

With her eyes still closed, Wanda curls up closer against the warm soft beneath her. Fingers brush gentle through her hair. She hums and curls even closer. Then she remembers, and her eyes snap open.

“Hush, Wanda, dear. You’re safe.”

Where once Agnes’s voice might have helped, it doesn’t anymore. Where once it might have soothed, now it only causes Wanda a stab of anxious pain. She sits up and immediately locks eyes with the woman who she’d liked so much. “What,” she says, gritting her teeth together, “did you do to me?”

“Nothing to harm you, dear.” Agnes’s voice is so smooth and so soft. She meets Wanda’s eyes with her own bright blue ones, only there are dark circles beneath them now, and she looks just as tired as Wanda felt. “I told you the truth: I needed to have a private conversation with your friend, Steve.” She taps her fingertips on her thigh, on the exact place where Wanda��s head just lay. “It wasn’t anything personal, hon.”

“You….” Wanda’s eyes widen in realization. “You put a spell on me—”

“—and now you’re mine.” Agnes gives her a smile and a wink, but when she sees that Wanda is not amused, she sighs. “Yes, dear, I did. It was simpler that way—”

Wanda’s brows furrow. “Steve called you Agatha.” She glares at her. “How many lies have you told me?”

Agnes raises a finger. “Just one,” she says, still calm, still keeping her eyes on Wanda, as though gauging her expression. “A very big one, to be sure, my love, but only one. Only one.” She seems to note that Wanda is about to say something else, and she cuts her off before she begins. “And I will explain everything to you now,” she says, meeting Wanda’s eyes again, “if you still want to hear it.”

“You’re Agatha Harkness,” Wanda says without hesitation, without even thinking about it.

“Yes.”

“You’re the old witch Steve sent me to find.”

“Yes.”

Wanda stares at her. She takes in Agnes’s – Agatha’s – appearance. Oh, she thinks, and then Oh again. “But you’re not old,” she says, bringing her eyes up to Agnes’s again. “Is this an illusion, or....” Her voice trails off, unsure how to put words to her thoughts.

Agnes chuckles, and her gaze drops. “Not an illusion.” She spreads her hands out in front of her. “This is me, hon.” Her gaze returns to Wanda’s, hesitant. “This will be you, too, in a few centuries.”

“In a few…,” Wanda echoes, not comprehending. She shakes her head. “How old are you?” Then she holds her hand up. “Don’t answer that.” Because she doesn’t want to know. Because she can’t know. “What do you mean me, too?”

“We’re witches, Wanda.” Agnes’s smile fades, and her gaze drops to her fingers again. “We don’t age like other people.” A dry chuckle escapes her lips. “The people who made that serum for your friend Steve would love to get their hands on another one of us. We’re a fascinating study.”

There’s a weight to those words. Normally, coming from Agnes, Wanda would reach over and attempt to provide the same comfort that Agnes has always provided her, but right now, she’s too upset, too confused. There’s too much. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Would you have believed me?”

Wanda opens her mouth to deny it, then she shuts it just as quickly. Her teeth grit together, but she has to admit, “No.” She hates that about herself, too. “No, I wouldn’t have.”

“And if I told you the truth about who I was – if you hadn’t believed me – would you have stayed and learned anything from me?” Agnes continues, her tone still that same soft and smooth.

She must have expected this conversation, Wanda thinks to herself. She must have known, coming here, that this would come up.

And she came anyway.

Wanda thinks over everything Agnes – Agatha – has told her, and she takes a deep breath in. “And maybe…you didn’t want any of my friends to know your secret either,” she says, putting things together. “Right?”

“My powers are not for sale, Wanda.” Agnes’s tone grows rough and steely. “I trust you, dear, and Steve knew the moment he saw me. But your friends are unknown, and what I have learned in my centuries of life, hon, is that teams like this, led by governments like this one? They will rip you to pieces to get what they want before they even think about what’s best for you. Before they even think about what you want.” Her gaze drops. “It was never personal, dear. I only meant—”

“—to take care of yourself.” Wanda reaches over, hesitates, and then places her hand atop both of Agnes’s. She understands what it is, to need to protect herself. She’s still pissed, but she gets it. “You don’t want to be experimented on,” she says. “It is not a particularly good experience.” She licks her lips. Part of her wants to return to the lie, but Agnes – Agatha – is right. She would never have believed her, not unless something like this happened. So instead, she says, “You won’t…you won’t lie to me about anything else, will you?”

Agnes shakes her head. “Not like this, hon. Not like this.”

“Okay.” Wanda reaches over and brushes her finger along Agnes’s jaw. She considers it for a moment and then kisses her gently a forgiveness given without words. When Agnes kisses her back, she can’t help but smile. Then she asks, voice soft, “You weren’t…you weren’t lying about any of this, were you?”

“No.” Agnes brushes her nose against Wanda’s. “I couldn’t if I tried.”

Wanda kisses her again, pressing her against the mattress as she curls against her again. “Oh,” she murmurs, turning away and nodding to the room. “This is my bedroom. I think you already knew that, though.”

“Mmmm.” Agnes places a hand on Wanda’s waist. “Your bedroom. Your bed.” She tugs Wanda closer. “Don’t you want to take advantage—”

It would be easy – so easy – to turn into Agnes and give in. In fact, Wanda nearly does, murmuring, “Nessie,” in a feigned tone of annoyance as she turns to her, only to stop and blink down at her. “You don’t mind that, do you? Nessie? Or should I call you Agatha?”

“Nessie’s fine, hon,” Agnes says with an impatient whine. “Now why don’t you—”

“And it’s the end of the year!” Wanda sits back up. “Did we miss the change over?”

Agnes slumps back against Wanda’s pillows with a groan. “And here I thought—”

“Agnes.” Wanda slaps her arm. “What time is it?”

“Like you don’t have a clock in your bedroom—”

“Agnes, if you didn’t wake me up before midnight—”

Agnes sighs. “We have five minutes.” She glances over to the clock literally sitting on the table set next to Wanda’s bed. “See? Five minutes.” She gestures to it with one hand and then slumps back on the bed with a wicked grin. “Which means five minutes to do whatever we—”

Wanda doesn’t even wait for the end of the sentence. She grabs Agnes and drags her out of the bedroom. “We will celebrate the incoming year with my friends, just like we intended. You will not take this from me, Nessie.” She only pauses briefly when she enters the room, when her gaze flicks to Steve’s. He gives her a subtle nod, which is more than she expected. His gaze moves to Agnes before he sighs.

It’s not one big happy family, maybe, but it looks like he, at least, understands. Maybe, as a warrior who submitted himself to being an experiment, that’s different for him than it is for Wanda, who did the same thing for the same reasons and was treated entirely differently – and maybe that’s a third thing entirely from Agnes, who would rather not be used in the same way. But he hasn’t made them leave, has he?

So that seems good.

The countdown begins only a few moments later, and in that first moment of the new year, Wanda pulls Agnes against her and kisses her. She’s afraid, a little bit, of what the others will think, but for once, she doesn’t care. Funny, how she can not care and still be afraid.

Sam whoops. Natasha gives her a knowing nod and a small smile after. Steve meets her eyes, grits his teeth, and then looks away. Vision looks shocked.

But Wanda doesn’t take her eyes off of Agnes, and before she kisses her again, she murmurs, “Now we can break in my bedroom.” She grins as Agnes’s eyes light up and isn’t surprised at all when Agnes cloaks them in her own violet magic, when midkiss she finds herself pressing the older witch into her own mattress, and she can’t help but chuckle. “Someone is—”

“Hush.”

Agnes presses her lips to Wanda’s, and she falls silent.

(If this is how her year begins, she can’t imagine how wonderful the rest of it will be.)

#bandit fic #december banditnanza 2023 fic #instigation with wanda and co #mcu #wanda maximoff #scarlet witch #agatha harkness #steve rogers #natasha romanov #sam wilson #vision mcu #mcu vision #harximoff #wandagatha #wagatha #agatha harkness x wanda maximoff #wanda maximoff x agatha harkness

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pacifymebby · 1 year

Text

t r o u b l e // chapter two

Chapter List

A Peaky Blinders Balletcore Modern AU

Sylvia

I closed my eyes, stood en pointe, pushing myself beyond the limit, my whole delicate frame quivering with the effort, slowly pulling my left leg in towards my body. I could feel the strain, the tightness tugging and releasing with every breath as I forced my thigh up closer to my ear, breathing through the pain. All my concentration focussed on holding the position long enough to relax just enough to push my knee against my ear and hold it.

My sister had already mastered the position, she was afterall, born five minutes earlier and five minutes more talented than I. Thats what I'd always told her anyway. I'd spent my whole life doing things like this, hiding in the dance studio after class practicing longer and harder than her, exhausting myself to keep up with her. Trying not to hold it against her because it couldn't be helped.

I listened to the rise and fall of Moonlight Sonata, teetering with it as it climbed. For a moment I was nothing more than a body, a waif suspended on string, commanded by the music which filled my ears. Held by the music. And then just as sudden and as sharp as I had been delicate, the music cut out and my phone began to ring. Its shrill tone startled me and sent me down onto my knees swearing at the sting of my sudden release and when I saw my brothers name on the screen I cursed him, vowing not to take shit from him when he'd fucked my practice up.

"What the fuck is it John I'm in the middle of practice!" I snapped, flushing pink with frustration when he chuckled.

"Temper temper Fen," he grinned. I could hear traffic from his end of the line and the voice of another person talking to him, "Sonya with you?"

"No one calls me that," I hissed rolling my eyes, trust him to disturb me and not my sister even though it was her he wanted, "and no, shes not, like I said I'm at practice..."

"Don't you practice together?"

"Yeah well," I bit the tip of my thumb, gathering my things together as I sat on the floor, legs bent out of shape, like a wilted flower, "this is extra..."

"Nah, our Fen doesn't need extra practice she's too good for that shit..."

"Well now you're just admitting you've not seen a single one of my performances from the last three years..."

"Eh now thats not..."

"The nutcracker, christmas 2015..." I said sharp enough to shut him up because he knew I was right. I started tugging on the ribbon of my pointe shoes to undo them, using my teeth to pull the ribbon loose, more aggressive than I should have been.

I might not have seen my brothers for a long time but it didn't mean I'd lost my Shelby charm.

"Right, alright so we haven't exactly been close..." he sighed, "am sorry Fen..."

"Fuckin don't call me that dinlow," I snapped then, losing my temper because I couldn't stand to hear him talk like we were still brother and sister when they'd all but abandoned us down in London at the ballet. Our fucking Tommy probably would have sent us further had he not been so intent on keeping tabs on us. "Me own brothers don't have time to come to a fuckin Sunday matinee but they send their little spies to follow us into town every Friday night..."

"Thats for your protec..."

"Just tell me what you're phonin me for John, so I can get back to my fuckin life..."

"Alright," he sighed defeated, he sounded sad but not as sad as it had made me feel every time I'd put their names on a guestlist only for them to be crossed off it again as no shows. "Alright Syl," he said and it was then that I heard the tiredness in his voice, like he'd been up for days, "I'm at your flat right now yeah and your not home and your sisters not home and I need to talk to y'both its important alright so will y'jus let me know where you are an me an uncle Charlie will come pick you up so we can go get..."

"Uncle Charlies with you?"

"Aye lass,"

"Wait why are you at our flat? And whats Uncle Charlie here for?" call it Romani instinct but at the mention of my uncle I'd britsled, this goosebump creeping sensation shivering straight down my spine.

"Lets just get us all together first right an then I'll explain everythin sis, whats the address of your studio yeah? Then we'll go get..."

"I don't know where Sunny is," I said quickly, feeling guilty because when they'd first sent us off to ballet school when we were only little girls Tommy had made us promise we would always look out for one another. Family first and all that. But in recent months I'd not been brave enough to do that. Sonya had been keeping secrets, sneaking off in the evenings after training and I, not wanting to be another spy for Tommy, knowing how much it hurt to feel like you never really got a moments privacy, hadn't tried to push her for honesty.

"What?" John snapped, "why don't you know where your fucking sister is Sylvia?"

I flinched hearing the flair in his tone, the anger growled out between those words. John had never been the brother to lose his temper with me and Sonya, we'd always been his favourites, he'd always been soft on us, but just then as he'd spat those words down the phone he'd sounded more like Tommy or Arthur than John.

"I...sorry I don't fuckin spy on my sister John she's allowed to leave the house surely..." I stuttered losing my confidence, hearing Uncle Charlie chastise him for scaring me. He said something about how if he'd wanted to scare us Tommy would have come himself. That much was true.

"Fuck sake," groaned John, i couldnt tell if his frustration was self directed or still all for me but when he sighed and said sorry I felt that shiver down my spine again. Something had happened. Something was wrong.

"Look am sorry Fen," he said a little softer, all the stress bubbling just beneath the surface, "where are you? I'll come an get you, we can talk in the car..."

"I'm just leaving the studio now," I said softly, "I'll get the tube it'll be..."

"Nah you won't kid stay inside yeah, I'll phone when I'm outside, you stay put alright.."

"Yeah, yeah sure thats fine I'll stay here..."

"Good girl," he said, his voice sounding like a smile again, relaxing me a little, not really doing enough to quell the fear rising in my chest.

If Tommy had sent him and Uncle Charlie down to London to speak to us, that meant some serious shit had gone down in the family. Someone was either dead, dying or soon to be, and the way John had cut me off when I'd told him I'd take myself home, told me we were all threatened.

"Alright, right see you soon, love you,"

"Love you," i chewed my cheek. They weren't exactly words our brothers used often. He was obviously feeling superstitious.

I slipped my trainers on and shuffled my leg warmers down around my ankles, picking myself and my bag off the floor. As I left the studio to wait in the foyer I slipped one airpod in but not the other, knowing that if my brothers could have me watched anyone could.

In the foyer there was a large wall length mirror and I stood for a moment gazing into it, looking at my sister looking back at me. We were the kinds if identical twins people really did struggle to tell apart, even our brothers. Even occasionally our Aunt Pol who usually had a knack for these things. As youngens it had been a blessing, all the tricks we'd been able to play when we were still close, when we knew everything about one another and we never argued or fell out. Never kept secrets.

But I knew wherever she was now I needed to warn her about John, because if she was somewhere she shouldn't have been, somewhere in the city our brothers didn't run, there'd be more trouble than was worth.

She felt so far away now and I felt guilty because it wasn't exactly like it wasn't my fault. I'd distanced myself since she'd gone for a guest role with the royal ballet, Odette, Swan Lake. I'd wanted to go for it too but when she'd mentioned it I'd changed my mind and held back knowing she'd get the role over me. Now her name was all over this end of the city, Sonya Gray, and next year she'd probably be a Principle. I could try again then, it was only a year. I'd tried to reason with myself at the time, but now I had to admit, it hurt. It ached. I hated to feel jealous of her but I did.

And so rather than resent her I'd started to distance myself, let her drift away, let her sneak off in the evenings, pretended not to notice.

Where are u? Johns here!!!

I sent the text and slipped my phone back into my pocket, turning the volume up on my music as I drifted to a seat in the corner.

People watched us. We were infamous and it had nothing to do with how talented we were. Nothing to do with how many lead roles we could land. Everything to do with our brothers, the name we tried to distance ourselves, the reputation we just couldn't shake. She'd probably heard of my brothers, most people had. What I didn't realise was that she'd seen the news on the television, that I hadn't but when Sonya replied to my texts with a phone call two seconds later, I realised why that woman hadn't been able to look my in the eyes. It wasn't fear or suspicion. Only pity.

There was a woman sitting on the reception desk. A security camera on the ceiling behind her.

When I looked up at her she looked down at her hands trying to pretend she hadn't been watching me. But I wasn't naïve.

"Its fucking Michael! Someones hit michael!" she was sobbing, her voice was shaking and as the words sunk in I felt my own hands begin to tremble. I sucked my cheek in between my teeth and bit down trying to control myself, not wanting to cry now when someone could see me. Because they'd know I was only just hearing the news.

"Is he..." I started, not wanting to finish the question because I knew I was being listened to. Didn't want anyone eaves dropping.

"Hospital," was all she managed to get out before another sob overwhelmed her. For a second all I heard was her choked crying and I wondered where she was. Wondered who was seeing her break down like this. Wondered how long it would take for her pretty little face to start circulating the internet, her hand clasped over her mouth, her eyes red rimmed and swollen, her nose pinkish with sorrow. She'd be the perfect image for the pigs at the daily mail to run with, her pretty tears, the waif in distress. They'd push that photo on Twitter and Facebook, she'd be in the headlines. Poor girl.

"Listen Sunny where are you?" I asked her trying to be gentle, biting my teeth a little deeper into my cheek until I could feel the blood seeping, "you in public?" I asked and she started giggling through her sniffles.

"Uhuh," she said, "I need to get a fuckin grip i know," she said then probably wiping her eyes as she pushed her way through a busy London train station.

"Nah," i said sighing, pushing the wisps of hair which were coming loose around my forehead away. Twisting one a little nervously. "Nah its not that its John ain't it, he's coming to pick me up now and then we're coming to get you..."

"Oh," she sniffled, "yeah i spose that makes sense..."

"Yeah," I said thinking about our poor cousin, rushed to hospital in the back of an ambulance. Poor Pol, she'd barely been reunited with him and now he was being ripped away all over again.

"Shit," she shivered as she spoke, "look I'll be in Camden right, by the lock or something and we can say I was just with a mate..."

"Were you not?" I bit my lip, hesitant, wondering if I asked her now she would tell the me the truth.

"No..." she said quietly, "shit Sylvie," she was whispering now, still crying a little, her voice shaking a little though now she sounded more scared than sad, "if I tell you you gotta promise you won't say a word to John,"

"Cross my heart,"

"I'm in Little Italy," she said then, "Sabini's territory..."

"Oh..." I said, glancing up at the woman behind reception. She was still pretending not to be watching. I wondered if my face was going to be plastered all over social media too. There was less potential really, I wasn't crying, the photographs of me wouldn't have the same waif like prettiness because I'd only been frowning and chewing my cheek. I'd be tight lipped, sharp sullen jawed.

"I've been seein this lad..." she said, "he's Italian..."

"Oh..." I said again with a smirk, cracking a grin when she gasped and told me not to judge her.

"Honest he's not like the others.."

"Not a fucking..." i trailed off, "you know..."

"I mean, yeah but..."

"Oh fuck me Sunny," I grinned in disbelief, "ever likely you didn't want me to say anything to John!"

"Don't Sylvie he'll kill the poor lad..."

"Yeah," I said with a soft smile, "yeah he fuckin will..." I looked up then, just in time to see a swish black range rover pull to a stop in the road outside. I knew it was my brother before the window rolled down and the horn started beeping, but when she heard the beep from her end of the phone Sonya knew too amd smirked.

"Camden Lock yeah, just say I'd gone to the market..." she said, "I'll see you soon, love you,"

"Love you," I said as I stood up and made my way outside as quickly as I could, just wanting John to stop hitting that fucking horn and causing a scene.

Next Chapter

#bonnie gold x reader #peaky blinders imagines #peaky blinders imagine #peaky blinders fanfic #Peaky blinders modern au #Tommy shelby modern au #Bonnie gold modern au #bonnie gold imagine

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final-girl96 · 1 year

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Joseph Quinn’s upside-down year

He’s gone from hustling for bit parts to playing a beloved character in one of the biggest shows on TV, thirsted after by fans and fellow celebrities alike. Inside the surreal year of 2022’s buzziest British breakout

By Jack King

5 December 2022

Coat, £1,970, Jil Sander by Lucie and Luke Meier. T-shirt, £7.90, Uniqlo. Hat, £325, Lock & Co. Hatters.Ben Parks

When Joseph Quinn took the call that would come to change his life for good, he was standing in his kitchen in South London. His agent was on the other end of the phone. “He called me, like, ‘Who’s that?’ And I was like, ‘What do you mean?’ So he goes, ‘I’m sorry, is that Eddie from Stranger Things?’” Quinn recalls. “I literally fell to my knees. Like, What? Are you sure? It felt like it’d just fallen out of the fucking sky.” It was November 2019. Only three weeks prior, in the very same flat, he’d recorded his first self-tape for the hit Netflix series with the help of his then-girlfriend and flatmate. “Obviously, at that point, I’m just fucking suspicious about the whole thing. This never happens. And here we are.”

Flash forward to today: after storming into the public consciousness as the sci-fi throwback’s latest anointed breakout, starring as punkish pariah Eddie Munson in Stranger Things series four, the 28-year-old has just flown out to LA for the third time in his what-the-fuck year. It’s a rhythm he’s still very much getting used to. Resultantly, we’re chatting over Zoom, myself in London’s Mile End, a short swim down the Thames from the unassuming world of his adolescence. “I love South London. I still live there – you get accused of heresy if you leave,” he jokes. “I might want to branch out somewhere different, because you don’t want to feel stagnant. But my life’s there: I went to school there, it’s where I met all of my friends.”

Jacket, £1,400 and trousers, £725, Etro. Shirt, £99, Boss. Boots, £1,750, Dior. Ben Parks

He scored his first job, on the 2015 TV drama Dickensian, in his third year at LAMDA (“I was a jammy fucker,” he says), the hallowed Hammersmith drama school where British acting royalty – Cumberbatch, Cox, Ejiofor – cut their teeth. It was while he was in his graduating class, in fact, that he met Fabien Frankel, then a first year, now enjoying his own rise apropos of the Game of Thrones spin-off House of the Dragon.

“It’s fucking hilarious,” Quinn says of Frankel’s new-found stardom. “We’ve shared similar anxieties about the ridiculousness of our situations.” The two are good friends; Frankel, for his part, brims with praise. “As much as it pains me to say, he was always just a brilliant actor,” he says of Quinn. “There was always some magic on stage. Sadly we’ve never got to work together, but we’ve always stayed close.”

Quinn’s early luck with Dickensian, as it turns out, was a touch premature; after that show ran its course, Quinn didn’t work for nearly a year. But an influx of parts eventually came his way: first a gig as a Stark soldier in an episode of Game of Thrones, then, suddenly, a job on stage opposite Olivia Colman at the National Theatre. “He is utterly joyful, naughty, and fun,” Colman says of Quinn. “He puts the work in. You know you’re in safe hands.”

Coat, £3,200, shirt, £1,950 and trousers, £1,300, Prada. Shoes, £980, Church’s. Ben Parks

A steady trickle of work followed: BBC’s Howards End mini series, opposite Matthew Macfadyen; as the tragic revolutionary Enjolras in the Beeb’s not-a-musical adaptation of Les Mis, reuniting with Colman; under Steve McQueen in the first part of his critically acclaimed anthology film series, Small Axe. “I’ve been so lucky that I’ve not had to graft, and wait tables, and do the traditional catering jobs in between to keep the lights on,” Quinn says. “I’ve been fortunate enough, and savvy enough with my money just about, when things are looking a bit bleak, to book another gig. And that keeps the wolves from the door.” It was around the time of the London Film Festival premiere of his first major indie film, the psychosexual slow-burner Make Up, that he sent in his Stranger Things audition tape.

A few days after the call came in, he met the sibling duo who puppeteer Stranger Things, the Duffer brothers, over Skype. “They were very nice, and very kind,” Quinn remembers. “I was very disarmed by the whole thing. Kind of like, ‘Are you sure?’ And they said, ‘Yeah, we really want you to do it.’” In total, 287 actors read for the part, according to the Duffers, who describe the process as one of the longest casting searches they’ve ever had. “At one point, we remember getting nervous,” they say. Munson was abrasive and unlikeable on the page; they needed him to be lovable, without wanting to be loved. That confluence of traits seemed an impossible bullseye, until Quinn’s reels arrived. “Joe was hilarious and charming, but with an unpredictable, wild edge about him,” they recall. It was a no-brainer. The call was a formality. “He’s a director’s dream because he takes what’s on the page and sprints with it.”

Blazer, £2,360, and shirt, £500, Gucci. Ben Parks

Quinn’s anecdotes from those early days are cut with the sincere self-deprecation you might expect of a guy still scrambling to catch up with his own ascent. This is the stuff that Faustian bargains are made of, after all: over a billion hours’ worth of Stranger Things series four was watched within the first month of release. That’s a lot of eyeballs. “I was talking to Dan Cohen, the [executive] producer of Stranger Things, about it,” he says. “He talked about the over-nightness of these experiences now, with these streaming platforms. One moment you’re fine, and then it drops. It’s on in millions and millions of houses. After that, it just kind of snowballs.”

The first table read came next. “It was a very weird experience. I was sat next to the lovely Jamie Campbell Bower, who’s had experience in these bigger shows before,” he remembers. “Obviously, because everything has to be documented on this show, they were filming the table read to keep the fans satiated. The setup was that the pre-existing cast were on a very long table, and we were behind them, being kept secret from the cameras. We were shouting, delivering the lines to the back of the cast’s heads, which felt very odd.” Both he and Campbell Bower, as Quinn recalls, were “shitting it”. Following that, he had weeks of fittings, kitting him out in the idiosyncratic metalhead threads that form Munson’s outcast armour. He had his first day of shooting, and then… whiplash. “[Stranger Things co-director] Shawn Levy came out at the end of the day and said we’re going into… a lockdown of some kind,” he says. “A hiatus of two weeks. Which would’ve been nice.” It would be another six months before Quinn returned to set.

Shirt, £500, Gucci. Trousers, £924 and loafers, £650, Dolce & Gabbana. Ben Parks

What felt to him like a decade later, the show finally bowed to the masses. He watched the Stranger Things series four finale, wherein Munson goes out with self-sacrificial aplomb, with his little sister, dad, and his dad’s wife. Do they treat him differently now? “No, definitely within your immediate circle you hope nothing changes. It’s a very weird thing to comment on… [if] you take into consideration the actual fucking fresh hell that people are going through now, it feels like an arbitrary thing to feel threatened by,” he says. “Eighty per cent of it is amazing. Professionally, 100 per cent is amazing. 20 per cent of it is… fucking bizarre.”

Somewhere within that 20 per cent: the online drama between co-star Noah Schnapp and Doja Cat soon after the season aired, when the former publicly shared a DM from the rapper asking Schnapp to play Cupid between her and Quinn. “I’m kind of hesitant to talk about it really, because I didn’t do anything,” Quinn notes. “It’s not something that I put out into the world. But I do think she’s an incredible artist. It’s flattering.” This intrusive level of public scrutiny obviously comes part and parcel with sudden, incandescent fame. The tyranny of Instagram gossip and fans reading telescopic paparazzi photos like tea leaves are the unfortunate by-products of being at the top of the screen-acting game. Nevertheless, it must be difficult to adjust to. “People will weave narratives about you that aren’t true, I guess,” he says. “And I think accepting your powerlessness over that [is best]. If you’re going to correct people constantly, you’re going to end up exhausted.”

Blazer, £2,360, shirt, £500, trousers, £890 and boots, £1,230, Gucci. Ben Parks

But being famous, a term he loathes to use for himself, isn’t all bad. Take the sudden groundswell of cultish Munsonmania, perhaps no better demonstrated than at London Film and Comic Con this summer. “It was the first time I’d ever encountered the fandom,” he recalls. There were rumours that Quinn was “mistreated” by the staff during a meet and greet, blindsided by the sheer number of Munsonites, but he was quick to debunk them, a point he reiterates now. “It was very overwhelming. I don’t think the Con were prepared for the numbers. I certainly wasn’t.” In a viral video widely shared online at the time, a fan expressed their impassioned gratitude: for Quinn’s time at the Con, for bringing Munson to life. Quinn seemed emotionally overwhelmed, dabbing away tears with the inside of his elbow, barely conjuring a murmur. An outsider might conclude this to be the moment that the pin dropped. “I don’t want to sound too saccharine about it, but it is moving,” he says. “If you have a curiosity about people and storytelling, for a character you’ve created with the help of others… for that to resonate with people, it feels very profound, you know?”

And then there are the holy-shit moments. First up: in late July, he made his chat-show debut on Jimmy Fallon, though that came within a whisker of being cancelled. “I was sick before I went on,” he says. “I stupidly had oysters for lunch on the day, thinking that I needed some vigour and vitality and that’d get me through it.” Turns out his mind was playing tricks: that stir in the pit of his gut was the product of acute anxiety, per the show’s backstage nurse. But he still went on. He met Kevin Hart, “a consummate pro,” in the green room backstage. “The nerves just bounce off him, I think, whereas they were just leaving bullet holes in me,” Quinn says. A month before our interview, he was named one of Variety’s 10 Actors to Watch for 2022. Patton Oswalt introduced himself to Quinn at the swanky brunch coronation thereafter. “He just feels so many miles away from my life. For him to come up to me was very weird.”

Jumper, £1,050 and shirt, £680, Dior. Ben Parks

Stratospheric parts like Eddie Munson are a “lottery ticket,” as Quinn puts it. And at the end of it all, he’s effectively coming away with a blank check. Is he going to put his energy into indie roles, like the drama he finished shooting over the summer, Hoard, or is he marching up to the Broccolis to demand Bond? “Yeah, I’ve just got off a Zoom with Barbara, actually…” he jokes. “I don’t know. It’s such a fucking cliché, but it’s about connection to the material. With Hoard, I’m specifically excited for the director, Luna Carmoon, and the lead, Saura Lightfoot Leon. That’s a lovely experience, completely different to these behemoth sets. But you want range.” A judicious answer. Really though: Bond? “I think I’d be fucking stupid to say no to that,” he says, laughing. “But, come on, it’s not even worth entertaining.”

Even that is on the presumption that Munson’s Stranger Things journey is over. “Yeah, I’ve said I don’t know because I really don’t know,” Quinn says. “Shawn Levy has said it publicly. I think [his return] would be very, very, very unlikely. He seems pretty fucking dead to me,” he says, punctuated by a sharp chortle. He takes a moment.

“It’s just a beautifully written arc. The beginning, middle and end are so powerful as it stands, so I think to just crowbar him into a narrative… you don’t want him to overstay his welcome,” he continues, ever the diplomat, seemingly wary of disappointing the legion of fans who made him. But a sense of certitude undergirds his prudence; the feeling that, after years of cohabitation, he’s ready to let Munson go.

“He did the job that the Duffers wanted him to do,” Quinn says. “By no means am I ruling it out. That’s a decision for the grown-ups to make. But Stranger Things was doing fine without Eddie. I think they’ll be fine next season without him, too.”

PRODUCTION CREDITS

Photographs by Ben Parks

Styling by Fabio Immediato

Grooming by Brady Lee

Jacket, £239, shirt, £99 and Boss Bottled parfum, £86, Boss. Ben Parks

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