#study –– re: anna.
Note
If your requests are still open, could you write one where Natasha got really drunk at one of Tony’s famous parties at the compound, and when R helps the Russian to her room. Natasha would ask R to stay tonight, which she does, and Nat reveals she has feelings for R? And then R is caught off guard and because of the alcohol in Natasha’s system, her walls are down and she’s emotionally vulnerable and disheartened because she thinks R doesn’t love her back? But R reveals she in love with her too and hopes she remembers in the morning. And Nat does and it’s a very fluffy ending. Please and thank you! I live your fics!!
Drunk On Love || Natasha Romanoff
Pairing: Natasha Romanoff x Reader
Warnings: Slight angst- ends in fluff; mentions of alcohol consumption; explicit language; intoxicated characters; mentions of painkillers. If I have missed any warnings, please let me know.
Word Count: 9027 words.
A/N: Thank you so much for the request anon, I apologise it’s so late. I kind of went off topic with the request, so to the anon that requested this fic, if you would like me to re-write it more specifically to the request, I’ll happily do so. I hope you all enjoy! Please note this is an au so some character’s behaviours may be different to what is expected.
Please do not repost (on here or any social media platform), copy, translate or take ownership of my work. Reblogs, likes and comments are always appreciated <3.
Masterlist
*Italics/boldness indicate dialogue from the show the Reader and Natasha are watching.
‘Anna please, I-it’s not what it looks like! Me and Martha are-‘
‘What Daniel? Good friends? Platonic or romantic? God, you can’t even make your own mind up until you’re both under each other doing god knows what.’
‘Hey, that’s not fair. You know I loved you, yet you threw me to the curb like I was a piece of trash-‘
“You know what is trash, this show.” You remark towards Natasha as the two of you mindlessly watch TV after promising yourselves to have a relaxing, once in a lifetime day off from being world saving heroes.
Natasha glares towards the screen, concentrating on the drama unfolding in front of the two of you- and attempting to keep up with the current storyline of the show, “You’re the one who put it on, and besides it’s rather entertaining when you figure out what the hell they’re talking about.”
You laugh at her words as you shuffle further into the cushioned couch; throwing your feet up on the coffee table in front of you to replicate the optimum comfort position of complete and total relaxation, “In my defence, there was nothing else on and- wait Martha is walking towards the kitchen where Daniel and Anna are arguing!”
Natasha instantly grabs an Ash shaded pillow from beside herself to hug in support and in anticipation of the drama that is about to commence, “Oh god, this can’t be happening.”
Part of you notices the rare and yet delicate occurrence of Natasha being completely relaxed enough to let out this side of her. A side you often see and cherish; knowing your best friend trusts you enough to see what she’d consider and definitely deny to be her ‘soft side’.
However, escaping from your thoughts, you subconsciously drop your feet back to the carpeted floor as you lean forward towards the TV, losing yourself in the chaotic scenes on the scripted, yet somewhat addictive new reality show playing out.
‘Please, just hear me out-‘
Daniel’s plea is silenced with a deafening strike across his face-delivered by a vengeful hand belonging to Anna.
Having lost yourselves in the show, Natasha and yourself release a gasp in unison; not expecting the rather hysterical character to deliver such a harsh statement through her actions, opposed to her words.
As you study each pixel conforming on the screen in front of you with a newfound interest, you unfortunately start to pick at the skin encasing your nails- a nervous and unbreakable habit you have yet to overcome.
Natasha’s ears pick up on the telltale signs of your destructive actions, knowing the unique clicking sound resounds when you’re in deep concentration or in deep trepidation in concern with something.
“Y/n/n, you’re doing it again.” Natasha gently scolds your habit, causing you to snap out of your TV induced trance and notice your now red and broken skin. You silently curse yourself as the irksome stinging sensation makes itself known on your now raw skin.
Natasha shakes her head as she guides her gaze back to the TV screen, “I thought you were using that nail polish I gave you to stop you from dissecting your nail beds?” You groan at Natasha’s question, knowing she’ll refuse to drop the topic now that she is aware of its occurrence once again.
Harvesting a deep breath, you center your tone before answering the red head, knowing she’s only trying to support you, “I did… but I ended up picking it all off during Steve’s latest briefing on our upcoming mission schedule.”
Natasha smirks at the irony of your conflicting actions with the mechanism designed to refrain you from messing with your nails entirely, “Okay, I’ll cross that one off the list as a failure. What about using bandages across your nails?” Natasha moves through her mental list of ways to help you kick your unwanted anxious habit, knowing it’s becoming an insecurity of yours.
In sync with Natasha, the two of you raise your feet from the ground and bury them underneath your bodies as you move to address each other further, “I tried that one already, they just irritate me throughout the day. Plus Parker thought it was double-sided tape and had the audacity to think I was replicating his ‘sticky fingers’ situation.”
Natasha lets out a low chuckle at your statement, though not hesitating to guide her amused gaze towards your stern one.
However, only a few seconds pass before the two of you break out into laughter; never having a dull moment between the both of you.
“Well, I know one technique we haven’t tried if you’re up for it y/n?” Natasha says evenly, keeping her gaze locked on yours.
You can’t help but fidget under her gaze, long forgetting the show on the TV, but happily becoming lost within Natasha’s ethereal sea of green irises, “W-what is it?” You practically whisper, studying her face intently as you await her suggestion.
Natasha silently reaches for one of your hands, delicately brushing over your skin as she encases her hand with yours in a supportive manner.
You watch her actions in surprise, sure you’ve held hands with her before, but this time you’re convinced that the initial touch of her skin on yours was electric.
Natasha gently pulls the hand taken towards herself to place on the cushion obtained earlier, “This way, if you try to do it again, you’ll have to go through me in order to do it.” Natasha says with a tilt of her head, attempting to ignore but most likely enjoying the heated blush working its way up your neck and across your cheeks from her actions.
You attempt to stagger out a response, knowing your feelings for Natasha are ever increasing, yet part of you wants to deny them in fear that she doesn’t return your affections- in turn the current situation is proving that task difficult. Natasha isn’t exactly the most open book of all, deciphering her feelings towards others is a challenge in itself.
Having words fail you, you allow yourself to bow your head slightly and escape her curious gaze. What she’d do to have a moment to hear your thoughts on her outgoing movement- little did you know, her heart is near enough hammering out of her chest, fearful that you’d reject her motion of love in the most subtle way she can ponder without giving you an opportunity to outright decline her care.
“Y/n-“ Natasha finds it within herself to push you for an answer to silence her tormenting thoughts. That is until she hears the bellowing voices of Yelena and Kate travelling down the hallway and into the living area where the two of you are currently occupying.
Your gaze snaps towards the former Widow and Archer, loosening your hand away from Natasha’s in fear of creating a tense, yet ecstatic questioning session from Yelena at the contact-knowing Yelena is desperate to see you and Natasha become a couple. You’d hate to create a false sense of hope, not only for Yelena, but for yourself too.
Though, Yelena has never shied away from creating ‘coincidental’ circumstances of you and Natasha being paired up for every training session; team task and missions. That cannot work wonders between the fears surrounding rejection surging through Natasha and yourself; but it has made you somewhat closer.
As you turn yourself on the spot to give the two women your undivided attention; you fail to see the flash of hurt run across Natasha’s features at your effort to distance yourself from her in the presence of her Red Room Sister and Kate. Her hands now feel cold from the loss of your warmth that she so desperately craves.
Kate takes quickened steps to reach the back of the couch before Yelena, who wanders over with her hands nestled in a pair of the many pockets decorating her impressive and rather practical hunter green vest.
“Hey guys, what are you two up to?” Kate asks curiously as she goes to lean across the back of the cushioned couch to spy what plays on the screen central to the room.
You smirk as you go to reply to the Archer, “Oh we’re just watching some lame show-“ Before you have a moment to finish your explanation, Kate eagerly and enthusiastically interrupts your words.
“No way! You’re watching ‘Heartbreak in New Asgard?! I love this show!” Kate exclaims as she attempts a graceful clamber over the backing of the couch to lumber herself in between you and Natasha.
You groan in discomfort as she uses a tightened grip on your head to assist herself over- allowing Yelena’s disturbed gaze to land on her disheartened sister, “Sestra, are you okay?”
The saddened features tainting Natasha’s face snap back into that of a stoic nature, displaying an unreadable resting face for the Widow, shielding herself from further pain of sympathetic questioning she’d rather escape, “I’m fine, why are the two of you here?”
Natasha quickly dismisses Yelena’s concern, sending a pang of turmoil through the blonde assassin with her miserly tone. However cryptic Natasha may be, Yelena never fails to notice a shift in Natasha’s demeanour; though she also knows never to push Natasha to open up, she’ll come to her when she’s ready- she hopes.
Yelena clears her throat as she eagerly moves her gaze away from Natasha, “Kate Bishop and myself are planning on working on some well needed combat training. Isn’t that right, Kate Bishop?” Yelena teasingly directs towards her newly acquired friend, knowing Kate’s impressive and enhanced Martial Arts are in no way of a comparison to Yelena’s extensive Red Room training-yet.
Kate moves to rest her elbows on her knees, leaning forwards in fondness of the show commencing, “Huh? Yeah, yeah sure whatever you say Yelena. Sounds awesome.” Kate mumbles out in response, not caring to take in the conversation playing out between the Widows, but directing her entire attention on her favourite guilty pleasure.
You wave a hand in front of Kate’s face, laughing at the way her vacant expression signals out your action to follow along the show, “I think we’ve lost her.” You announce, causing Yelena to groan.
“Ugh, you are impossible Kate Bishop.” Yelena lets out, knowing a mass effort will now be required to remove Kate from her current area of fixation.
“Anyway, we wondered if the two of you wanted to join us. You can see how well I kick Kate Bishop’s ass. My current record is under two minutes.” Yelena proudly announces to Natasha and yourself; secretly hoping it’s enough to entice the two of you to join the training session.
You go to respond positively to the question put forward, until you catch Natasha’s eye; part of you wonders if the furrowed gaze is begging you to reject Yelena’s offer and stay with her a bit longer. Having a sudden urge to bask in the lone company of Natasha, you conform your answer.
“Thank you Yelena, but Natasha and I are having a chill day so no training is allowed- Romanoff’s orders.” You say in a light manner, hoping to not offend the younger Widow, but assert your promise to Natasha.
Natasha releases a relieved sigh, though she adores Yelena, she knows she has a better chance of moving things forward with you if the two of you are alone.
“Sestra, maybe another time we can see your self declaration of superiority over Kate’s skillset.” Natasha addresses Yelena, hoping no offence has been caused towards her sister on her part.
Yelena can only smile in response, knowing her offer was likely to be declined in favour that the somewhat undetected, yet mutual pining between her sister and her friend would advance into something more.
“I’ll hold you to that Sestra.” Yelena moves to bring Natasha into a heartfelt hug; striking the opportunity to whisper supportive words into her Sister’s ear in the hopes that she will lift her dismal mood.
The words remain unintelligible to you, until your attention is peaked from Yelena blowing a wave of nuisance air into Natasha’s ear; causing the redhead to shove the blonde away with an amused mumble of ‘grow up’.
Yelena chuckles in giddiness, never passing the opportunity to tease her Sister in the most troublesome way she can muster to think of, “Okay Sestra, okay we’ll get going and leave you to whatever this is-“ Yelena waves a finger between Natasha and yourself, earning an eye roll from her Sister; “Come on Kate Bishop.” Yelena attempts to remove herself and Kate from the situation.
Kate waves Yelena’s words away with a dismissive hand, “Shhh, it’s getting to the good part. They’re about to make up.” Kate lets out with her enrapt gaze remaining upon the TV.
Yelena releases an unamused sigh as she goes to lift the Archer up by the purple collar of her combat gear; causing Kate to follow the forceful tugs from the couch she wishes to remain on.
Kate releases several protests of annoyance at Yelena’s incessant tugs; grasping the message that it was in fact time to leave.
You and Natasha shake your heads at Yelena’s antics, she never fails to amuse the two of you.
Just as the two women move to leave the room and bid you a goodbye, Tony Stark decides to grace the room with his presence.
Yelena moves to nudge Kate, stifling a laugh enough to let her words out, “Oh, look Kate Bishop, it is the grown man that I made cry the other day. How exciting.” Yelena teases, never one to shy away from putting Tony in his place from his vulgar words.
Tony firmly shoves his hands into the compact pockets placed on his custom made jacket, giving his throat a clear in the process, “Belova, a pleasure as always.” He sarcastically remarks as he moves towards the couch; ignoring the shared amusement being vocalised by Kate and Yelena on the way to their destination.
Tony removes one of his hands to bring it towards your head, ruffling your hair into an unwanted mess as he goes to address you, “How’s my favourite Avenger doing on this fine day?” Usually when he directs such a title to yourself it’s because he wants something from you- you dread to think what it could be this time.
You groan in irritation as you slide away from his vexing movements, “I was okay until you showed up Tony.” You grumble as you try to style your hair down from its now hectic state, courtesy of Tony Stark himself.
Tony smirks in response, loving the practical sibling rivalry the two of you unknowingly created from your friendship.
As Tony is an intelligent man, he knows not to replicate his actions of greeting with Natasha, knowing she wouldn’t hesitate to display an unfriendly manner to his pestering ways.
He nods his head in Natasha’s direction in greeting, “Widow.”
Natasha folds her arms with a gentle sigh in response, “Stark.” She simply lets out, loving the way she can intimidate Tony with just her presence alone.
You stare at Natasha in wonderment, “Okay, you’ve got to teach me how you do that.” You say in reference to the successful taming of Tony that Natasha can so easily manage.
Natasha smirks in pride, grasping onto that small essence of rendering you stunned. That is until Tony invades the conversation.
“You love it really, y/l/n. Anyway I have some very exciting news to share with you y/n.” Tony announces as he rubs his hands together in motion of hyping up his upcoming statement.
You twist your facial features slightly in curiosity, and a mixture of hesitancy, “Oh god, what have you done now?” You question in uneasiness.
Tony scoffs at your words, “What makes you think it’s something bad, in fact I am offended at your negative tone towards my ingenious idea-”
Natasha picks up the conversation from her point of view, “In all fairness Stark, as of late, your plans have ended in complete and utter chaos- no offence.”
Tony waves a dismissive hand towards Natasha, “Offence taken. Anywho, before I was rudely misjudged, I’ll tell you what I need you for. Tonight I’m throwing a totally kick-ass, ‘you have to be there’ party and you’re coming; no arguments.”
You drop your mouth in protest, “Wait, what?! No way, why?!” You practically stutter out, failing to recall even putting your name forward for this extravagant idea.
Tony rolls his eyes as though the reasoning would have become obvious to you upon revealing his request, “Okay, I may, or may not have announced that you’d be a guest of honour per se to show off our newest Avenger to some of the board members at some new, rival tech company trying to out-do my image. Regardless, your ass better be there or I’ll have J.A.R.V.I.S wake you up every morning at 2 am for two months.”
You shake your head in annoyance, “Not like I haven’t been on the team for ten months already.” You mumble alongside a dramatic shift of your body and folding of your arms for good measure.
Tony shrugs at your statement, “You win some, you lose some kid. Widow, you are of course invited, and by that I mean you have to be in attendance also.”
Natasha widens her eyes as she goes to object to Tony's offer, “No, I was serious when I told you I would not attend anymore of your ridiculous charades that you so adamantly hold for no reason. I’m not going; in fact, I have plans.” Natasha simply claims.
The ending of her statement catches your attention, causing you to snap your gaze towards Natasha in a questioning manner- she hasn’t mentioned any unknown plans throughout the entirety of the day.
Tony smirks in a mocking manner, “Let me take a wild guess and put forward that it will include something as mind-blowing as your current activity of choice. I would never have thought you’d stoop so low as to resort to watching trashy TV on a weekday Romanoff.” Tony clicks his tongue on the roof of his mouth several times to add to his disapproval of Natasha’s refusal to go to the party scheduled.
Natasha shrinks into herself lightly, choosing to contain the thought in her head that she may or may not have been considering catching up on the series later on in her room, “…no, plus y/n put this on. I’m not interested in the slightest.” Natasha firmly rejects the idea of being engrossed with the show, avoiding suspicion.
You turn to Tony with a smile, knowing that if you’re going down in regards to Tony’s party, Natasha is going down with you, “Don’t listen to her, it’s her most favourite show in the entire worl-“ Your exaggerated statement is put to a halt once you feel a firm strike to your chest, originating from Natasha’s pillow being swung towards you in hopes of silencing your teasing.
“That’s enough out of you y/l/n.” Natasha playfully scolds, grabbing the pillow once more to place back on her lap.
Tony shakes his head as he attempts to refocus the conversation, “Romanoff, I can assure you that this party will be one to remember. For all the right reasons of course; give me one more chance to prove it to you. If I’m wrong, I’ll even watch whatever monstrosity is captivating you all so much on the screen. What do you say Widow?”
Natasha bites her lip in thought, part of her wants to join in on the fun of having the team together for some drinks and a bit of dancing. Though she also wants to have an easy night as previously planned with you.
Tony attempts his best pout, unintentionally putting Natasha off the idea more with his odd choice of convincing.
You reach over to nudge Natasha’s knee with your hand to gather her attention, allowing her gaze to fall to you, “I’ll definitely go if you go. That way we can still hang out together and control the hectic levels of fun I’m sure Stark is so desperate for us to have.” You say lightheartedly, hoping to convince Natasha to join you.
Natasha thinks on your words for a moment, deciding that a night in your company will be perfect, no matter the setting.
With that notion in her mind, she gives you and Tony a nod of approval, “Alright, I’ll be there.”
If only Natasha knew what she was getting herself into.
———-
*The Party*
You harshly throw yourself down into a sitting position on one of the many couches decorating the frenzied, yet remarkable party playing out within the Compound.
Through your heavy actions, you earn a distasteful glare from Yelena as she mumbles several curses in Russian before addressing you properly, “Watch yourself y/n, you nearly made me spill my beer; this jacket isn’t cheap you know- well so the guy told me as I stole it from him-“
You raise a surprised eyebrow at her words, earning an eye roll from the blonde, “Oh come on, I am totally kidding… well not entirely, I needed information, he wouldn’t give it to me, blah, blah you know how the story goes.”
You let out a light laugh at her words, failing to see where the story was heading, and opting for the safe option of not asking anymore questions in regards to the topic- the less you know the better, “Sorry Lena, I’m just exhausted. I’ve been here for forty minutes and already I’ve had to display fake smiles; engage in exasperating small talk and in all honesty I’ve lost count with how many strangers I’ve had to shake hands with to please Tony Stark himself. That man is a nightmare.”
Yelena smiles at your dismal tone, allowing your features to cross in confusion, “What?” You ask.
“Oh, nothing, nothing. Let’s just say Stark has a surprise waiting for him in his room upon his return, courtesy of Kate Bishop and myself, that he will truly hate, and in your current predicament, I think you will love.” Yelena proudly takes a mouthful of the bitter and intoxicating beer in her grasp- revelling in the knowledge that through the shared boredom of her and Kate they can produce the most mischievous plots known to the existence of the Avengers.
You release a satisfied breath at Yelena’s cryptic words, allowing a surging happiness to course through your system that all this hassle will be worth it by the end of the night- you hope.
“See, I knew I liked you for a reason Belova.”
Yelena hums in acknowledgment, “What is not to love, I am pretty cool. Though, something tells me I am not as cool as Natasha-“
Without even moving your glance towards Yelena, you send her a warning jab with your elbow, earning a menacing chuckle from her as she goes to take another sip of her beer.
Before another word can be uttered, Wanda and Kate take a seat on the opposing couch- having collected their choice of beverage to get them through the night. You give them a nod in greeting as they direct quick ‘hello’s’ towards you; having seen Maria Hill quickly making her way towards your newly formed group.
“Hey, have any of you seen Carol? I’ve literally searched the entire Compound and I cannot find her anywhere.” Maria frustratedly lets out.
Wanda tilts her head in thought until she opens her mouth in realisation, “Oh, yes she is currently challenging Thor to an arm wrestling match. They’ll be on the third floor most likely.” Wanda reveals with a smile, hoping to ease any worry within Maria.
Maria groans in annoyance, “Of course she is, man she’s a hard one to find when you need her. Um, how do you get to the third floor again?” She asks unsure, knowing the Compound is like an endless maze thanks to Tony’s continuous modifications of the building.
You gather yourself up to stand by Maria, readying yourself to point an arm out to direct her gaze to the concealed staircase used to access the third and fourth floor.
Before you can verbally direct Maria, your eyes land on quite potentially the most magnificent sight to ever be graced upon you.
Natasha slowly makes her way into the colossal room, allowing her viridescent eyes to roam the guests dancing and mingling their way across the open space.
Her image is flawless; her wine red and signature hair perfectly reflects the multitude of colourful lights that easily roam their way throughout the room; her chosen outfit entailing a ravishing black dress that hugs her body to an impeccability that can only belong to Natasha Romanoff herself. However, the detail that traps your attention most is the cherry shaded lipstick blanketing her addictive, plump lips.
Having noticed your engrossed state, Wanda takes it upon herself to guide Maria over to Carol herself; biting her lip at the blaring thoughts your mind can conjure in appreciation for Natasha’s goddess capabilities.
The nearing of clicking heels snaps you out of your own mind, as Natasha spots you from a far and eagerly makes her way over to you.
You allow yourself to close the distance at a heightened pace, refusing to withstand another second without Natasha being near you.
Through your diverted attention, you frustratedly stumble towards Natasha; who luckily stabilises you with ease, “Oh, careful y/n. I’ve not even been here for ten seconds and you’re already falling for me.” Natasha teases with a smirk.
You quickly compose yourself and mumble a ‘thank you’ towards her before finding your voice, “You wish Romanoff.”
Unbeknownst to you, she truly hopes she has such an effect on you.
Filling the silence, a sharp pain strikes you at the back of your neck, producing a grimace from you as you notice a metal bottle cap drop to the floor, beside your foot. You turn to the direction of its supposed origin- noticing the impressed faces of Kate and Yelena at the obtaining of your attention.
“When you are quite finished drooling- I mean talking to my Sister. Would you be so kind as to fetch us some more drinks.” Yelena taps her empty bottle in emphasis of its now drink-free state.
You roll your eyes with a shake of your head at Yelena words, turning your sight back towards Natasha who is failing to stifle a laugh at Yelena’s teasing, “I swear I’m going to kick Barton’s ass for teaching Kate that bottle cap trick.” You rub your neck in a soothing motion from the strike inflicted by the Younger Archer.
Natasha hums in agreement, knowing Clint has the tendency to show certain members of the team the more rebellious tricks opposed to the ones instructed for delivery by S.H.I.E.L.D.
“So, can I get you something to drink? My treat.” You remark, knowing it’s an open bar and hoping to catch a smile from Natasha.
She doesn’t disappoint as her alluring smile forms at your offer, “Hmm, surprise me.” She responds, earning an unexpected ‘oh’ from you.
“I’ll be right back, Miss Romanoff.” You take your leave to collect the drinks requested by your closest teammates; hoping to rush back so you don’t get dragged across the room to meet another one of Tony’s guests that he insists you greet.
Natasha watches you go before finishing her journey to the area of couches you were occupying before her arrival.
As she goes to sit down in a vacant seat, she intentionally ignores Kate and Yelena, who in their less than sober state have taken it upon themselves to replicate yours and Natasha’s conversation- with some additional kissing noises and outrageous flirtation that has Natasha contemplating in the not so subtle act of bashing their heads together, in hope of knocking some maturity into them- hope being the key word.
Luckily for you, but not so lucky for Natasha, a rather giddy and lightheaded Tony makes his way over to her; having made thorough use of his own open bar.
“Widow! Natasha! There you are, I have been searching all over for you, you little minx.” The little filter that Tony had in the first place has completely shattered with each dose of alcohol that he has consumed over the party’s duration.
Tony shuffles over to the seat next to Natasha, causing her to move over quickly to avoid Tony’s lack of awareness of his surroundings to cause him to unintentionally sit on her lap.
As he snuggles his way into the seat, he nods his head towards Yelena and Kate, not caring to strike up a conversation with the two, “Now, Romanoff, part of me thought you’d be too, well your earnest self to attend my little shindig.”
Natasha decides to entertain Tony in his current state, knowing he’ll soon move on once his boredom reaches its peak, “Oh really, why is that may I ask?”
Tony sways his movements slightly to turn towards Natasha, intaking a deep breath to keep his thoughts in check, “Well, to put it quite simply Widow; you’ve lost your touch. You’re not as fun and exciting as you once were. We want the old Romanoff back-“ Tony interrupts himself with a strike of a firm hand towards his leg, directing attention to his apparent plea.
Natasha scowls at Tony, “What are you talking about? I haven’t lost my ‘touch’.” She attempts to defend herself, forgetting that Tony’s mind is not of sober thoughts.
Just as Tony goes to open his mouth once more, you arrive back to the area; passing over Yelena’s and Kate’s drink as they mindlessly take them from you, having lost themselves in their own conversation.
“Hey, what’s going on?” You ask cautiously, noticing the unnerving glare Natasha is directing at Tony- who seems completely unphased and unaware of the impact of his words.
“Oh, just telling Widow here how boring she is now, and how we’re all glad she could join us.” Tony rambles on, attempting to grab at the chilled beer in your hand that you gathered for Natasha.
You swiftly pull it away from him, “Tony, stop being an ass. Nat is probably, actually no, is the most entertaining member on this team. Natasha and boring don’t mix.” You effortlessly defend Natasha, knowing insecurities of her impression towards the others has come up in conversation. Yes, Natasha is a confident woman, though the inflicting damage caused by the Red Room still infiltrates her mind in cruel and vile ways in which she feels as though she has to change the person she was created to be, to be the one the team loves and supports.
Tony obnoxiously blows a surge of air through his lips in disbelief, “Please, we all know I am the most interesting member present. I mean, take this example for instance: if we got a rock, a plain, ordinary rock, I would find it highly taxing and difficult to differentiate between Romanoff and this boring rock that I somehow acquired.” Tony loses himself in his mindless babbling.
You look over towards Natasha, feeling your heart pang in turmoil at her disheartened features. All of her tormenting worries are being announced right in front of her; assisting in the miserable tears cascading down her face.
You go to reach out for Natasha before she abruptly stands up and removes herself from the scene.
The sudden action captures Yelena’s attention, filling her with concern for her sister.
“Nat? Sestra!? What is going on?” Yelena loudly questions, noticing your fuming gaze towards Tony.
Tony sleepy looks over each member present, completely unaware of the hurt caused by his stupidity in the moment, “Since Romanoff has left us in such a hurry, can I have her beer?” Tony reaches out once more for the drink furiously clutched in your hand.
You choose to slam the bottle down on the table placed in front of the couches, not caring over the alcohol now tainting the surface, “You’re lucky you’re not wearing it Stark.” You harshly direct towards Tony, opting to leave and find Natasha in hopes of consoling her.
Yelena watches the scene unfold in puzzlement, Natasha has never walked away in such a manner before, allowing her to conclude that Tony has struck a nerve with her.
Tony lazily moves forth to claim the unattended beer; ignorant to the enraged stares being directed towards him by the two younger Avengers.
——————-
You don’t know how much time has passed, but in the duration you’ve failed to locate Natasha.
With endless apologies and light shoves, you make your way through the crowded room; eyes scanning frantically in hopes that you’ll find Natasha and attempt to fix the mess created by Tony.
Frustration gets the better of you, as you rub your hands across your face to centre yourself, you’re running out of not only ideas, but places to search.
As your hand moves to cover your mouth, you spot Wanda, Maria and Carol clambering in a drunk manner up a set of stairs; releasing bouts of roaring laughter as they desperately clutch onto each other to avoid a nasty fall.
With your luck thinning out, you push your way towards them rapidly, considering the possibility they may have seen Natasha.
“Guys, have you seen Nat?” You breathlessly ask, feeling the effects of not only the exertion to travel throughout the compound as quickly as your legs can take you, but the rising heat of the hectic room.
Carol pouts in thought, “Urm, Nat? Which one is that again?” She asks Wanda and Maria, who find her fake confusion comedic.
“Carol-“
“Oh, the one with the shield huh? Or is it the bow and arrow set? I can’t quite remember-” Maria dazedly asks you, struggling to maintain focus on your features as she sways towards Wanda for stability.
“Can you all stop acting like complete and total jackasses and answer my question?!” The raise in your voice snaps a partial moment of sobriety into them.
A flash of red passes through Wanda’s irises as she attempts to assist you with her mystic abilities, “She’s at the minibar, you know the one where Thor stores the Asgardian liquor?”
Your eyes light up at Wanda’s answer, finally being one step closer to finding Natasha, “Wanda, you’re a lifesaver. Thank you so much!” You shout as you jog towards the specified location.
You make it across to the minibar in record time, refusing to waste one more second. As you release that final push through the remaining guests that stand in your way, that’s when you find yourself witnessing the rather destructive behaviour Natasha is displaying.
She readies herself another shot of what can be presumed to be one of Thor’s many alcoholic delights that decorate this area of the room.
With one quick swirl of the liquid filling her miniature glass, she releases a breath and quickly downs the shot in one; barely flinching at the burning sensation making its way down her throat.
As you near Natasha further, the drunken features that have progressed are obvious: her usually impeccable posture is slouched across the bar as she desperately raids the supply available to her; her eyes are glazed with a depressive shine- a battle between the red strain of her tears against her vivid green eyes highlights her sorrow further.
Just as Natasha goes to pour herself another drink, you place your hand slowly across the opening of the glass; preventing her from serving another round of regret and earning a scoff from a displeased Natasha.
“Move your hand, I won’t ask again.” Natasha grumbles, her voice carrying a huskiness to it that is most likely from the continued burn of each drink she has ingested.
You use your hand to slide the glass away from her and across the bar, “Natasha, maybe you should slow down. I know you’re upset, but Tony had no right to-“
Natasha staggers back more forcefully than the two of you would have expected, causing you to reach out to keep her in balance, “God y/n, I’m fine. I’m doing what I’m supposed to at parties, getting wasted and having fun. Since, I-I apparently don’t know what that is-“ Natasha rambles on her drunken words, quickly dismissing your concern.
You sigh at her state, hating the fact that she truly believes drinking her problems away will bury them- though they always find a way to re-surface, usually in the morning with a hangover on the side.
“Nat-“
Natasha shakes her head to silence you, “No, I didn’t ask for your help or your pity. Now you either join me and have fun, or you can go away.” She releases a heavy breath at her own words, knowing the alcohol is catching up with her and flooding her bloodstream.
As you move to grab the bottle Natasha is choosing to hug close to herself, a tightened grip is placed on your shoulder, “Ahhh, there you are Widow, we missed you over in our little corner-“ Tony decides to implement himself in an unwanted scene.
Natasha picks up the bottle of liquor and takes an immense gulp from its contents as she storms away from Tony. You try to follow her, until Tony stops you once more, “That reminds me, I need to introduce you to-“
You audibly groan at Tony’s incessant disregard for Natasha’s feelings, “Tony! I do not give a fuck about who you want me to meet. I’m trying to clean up a mess that you caused since you’re clearly too self absorbed to deal with it on your own tonight-“
Tony turns his features down in a rare calmness, seemingly taking your sour words towards his behaviour.
That is until Yelena rushes towards you, “Y/n, where’s Natasha!?”
“She was just here until-“ Your words are drowned out by the thunderous beat of the speakers placed around the room, as they begin to blast out a steady beat belonging to the iconic song ‘Hypnotize’ by The Notorious B.I.G.
Tony releases an ear-splitting set of whistles as his eyes land on the scene that the crowd around you eagerly rush towards.
As Yelena and yourself look towards your left, you’re met with quite frankly a horrifying scene of Natasha hoisting herself up on a steel table.
Without a second thought, you rush towards the edge of the table. Having to listen to the crowd now encouraging and cheering Natasha on for her drunken performance.
Natasha effortlessly moves to the beat resounding throughout the Compound, playing up to the chants of her name as she swings her arms in calculated movements to the rest of her body.
Each sway of her hips allows her to sink further into her routine, losing herself in the music.
Yelena attempts to catch Natasha’s attention, though the music easily overpowers any protests made, not that Natasha would listen to reason anyway.
Natasha rubs her hands across the darkened material of her dress, accentuating her features concealed by the tailored covering.
You can only watch in disbelief from the side, mortified that the situation has escalated so quickly.
As the music continues, so does Natasha’s movements. She picks up in confidence and drops her knees to surge back up into a twirl, earning a chorus of cheers.
As Natasha drops to her knees completely in front of you, she uses her focused gaze to study you; choosing to thrash her arms and body in rhythmic ways. You shake your head at her behaviour, especially when she chooses to caress your face with a gentle hand before pushing it away suddenly, attempting to get a reaction out of you.
Failing to do so, Natasha shrugs and manoeuvres herself back on her hands and knees, using the flat surface of the table to assist her movements easily. She lazily lets her hair dangle down as she continues to move her body to the music.
With a forceful flip of her head, she resumes a standing position, allowing her feet to mindlessly move for her. Though, the surrounding crowd heightens as the song goes on, causing spillages from glasses to splash wherever they may please. Natasha’s foot catches on a spillage of Vodka, causing her to slip off the table.
You instantly unfold your arms and catch her before she can hit the floor. The crowd failed to notice her fall, too engrossed in the music and atmosphere.
Natasha wraps her arms around your neck as you attempt to stand her up. However, from her drunken state and constant twirls, her head takes a turn for the worst and sends her vision spinning. She chooses to fully relax into your arms, refusing to stand.
Yelena grabs Natasha’s arm in order to pull her up some more, “This is not like her at all, I do not know what to do.” Yelena announces, worried for her Sister.
“Lena, I’ll look after her and make sure she is okay. You go find the others and try and get everyone to go home.” You offer to Yelena, knowing her increased worry may not be the best for the situation regarding Natasha currently.
Yelena nods and gives you a grateful smile; briefly hugging Natasha before making her way across the room.
Having time to ground herself, Natasha stands up slightly. You move a steady arm under her as she wraps one arm across your shoulder, giving her the guidance needed to stagger out from the crowds.
As Natasha is incredibly unsteady on her feet, her constant sways and staggers resort to you practically carrying her to the elevator; deducing that stairs to the Avenger’s living quarters may not be suitable for Natasha at this moment in time.
Taking the last steps towards the elevator doors, you tighten your grip on Natasha as you use your free arm to press the ‘call’ button for the elevator.
In the distance the music slowly dies down, allowing you to hear Natasha’s words, “That was such a good party, we should do more things like that, huh y/n/n.”
You find yourself agreeing with Natasha, hoping to keep her awake enough and in light spirits to make the journey back to her room easier.
As the doors open, you guide Natasha forward, until she refuses your help and leans against the bar fixed onto the wall of the modern elevator. You make a point to stay close to her, knowing her confidence in her own balance is greatly misjudged.
“J.A.R.V.I.S, can you take us to the living quarters level please?” You input your desired floor choice to the A.I. system, receiving confirmation.
“No, let’s go up to the roof, the stars will be out and we can look at each and every one of them.” Natasha slurs out.
You shake your head at her words, “I think what you need is sleep.” You direct towards an unimpressed Natasha.
She pouts her lip in challenge at your words, “Well maybe sleep needs me, did you consider that y/n?” Natasha asks seriously, causing you to chuckle at her confusing remark.
“I do apologise Nat, how silly of me for not considering that option.” You play along, allowing Natasha to rest her head on your shoulder at your agreement.
“Mhm, very silly. Hey J.A.R.V.I.S, did you see me dance?” Natasha sleepily questions the A.I. as the elevator shifts in movement to journey upwards towards the correct floor.
“Indeed Miss Romanoff, it was rather… splendid.”
Natasha closes her eyes and beams at J.A.R.V.I.S’ words, earning an eye roll from you, not forgetting the stress it caused to Yelena and yourself.
As you arrive at the designated floor, you whisper to Natasha in order to not disturb the serenity created from the sudden silence, “Hey, we’re here.”
Natasha intakes a sharp breath through her nose as she goes to move forward, though this time she reaches out for your help- which you gladly provide.
You pace yourself towards Natasha’s bedroom door, only experiencing the odd trip from her unsteady feet.
Once you make it, you’re stopped by Natasha’s curious questioning, “Why are we here? This isn’t my door.”
You frown at her words, “What do you mean? This is your door Nat.”
Natasha shakes her head defiantly, “No, this isn’t my door, my door is charcoal coloured.”
You look towards the charcoal door in front of you, smirking at the realisation that the alcohol isn’t done influencing Natasha’s serious nature.
“Well if it isn’t your door, who’s is it?” You question.
Natasha studies your face intently, quite possibly attempting to gauge an answer from you, “Hmm, I guess we’ll never know.” Natasha sighs out eventually.
You hum in agreement as you input Natasha’s passcode on the Lock Screen sealing the door- having exchanged each other’s passcodes for any late night visits the pair of you have picked up on along the months of your ever-growing friendship.
Once the code is accepted and a successful beep is heard, you push down on the handle of the door and enter Natasha’s well organised room.
Natasha gazes in astonishment at the tech, apparently never having seen it before- rejecting the possibility of her daily use of the tech to enter and lock her own bedroom.
As she slurs out her pure amazement at the action carried out, you guide her into her room and gently allow her to sit on her bed, moving to switch on the closest light.
As the desk light partially illuminates the room, Natasha flinches at the bright source, grumbling some curses at the pain straining her eyes.
She uses her hands to rub at her eyes in an attempt to work out the pain, unknowingly smudging her once perfectly kept mascara across her eyes.
As she looks up at you, you notice her make-up predicament and move towards her en suite to fetch several make-up wipes to remove the excess marks now smeared across her face.
“Come here.” You say as you sit next to her, guiding her gaze towards you as you gently move the damp wipe across her face delicately.
Natasha closes her eyes and relaxes into your movements, not having the energy to do much else and feeling the initial buzz of the alcohol wearing off.
As you continue to clear her face, she mumbles out a quiet ‘thank you’.
“What for?” You speak gently as you concentrate on your task.
Natasha opens her eyes once she feels your movements stop, reaching for another wipe to remove her lipstick, “For looking after me, for always being there for me. For being you.” She lets out slowly.
“Always Nat, you’re one of the most important people in my life, I’d do anything to be there for you.”
Natasha’s head suddenly lolls to the side, causing you to put your hands up either side of her to prevent her from falling until she steadies herself- tiredness settling in.
As a few seconds pass for Natasha to regain herself, she speaks once more, “I’m sorry for snapping at you earlier when you tried to help me.”
You wave a hand to dismiss her words, “Don’t worry about it, you were upset and Tony was being an asshole. I get it.”
As you go to bunch the used and now dried out make-up wipes, Natasha suddenly finds herself asking, “W-would you maybe stay the night?”
Her eyes widen momentarily in fear of rejection, until you smile at her words, “Yeah, of course I will.”
Natasha feels a bubbling of excitement in her stomach, with having you taking care of her and willing to stay, she uses her missed opportunity from earlier in the day to fuel her newfound confidence from what she can only assume to be the alcohol, “Y/n, I have feelings for you. Not like a best friend kind of way, more of a I want to spend every waking minute of everyday loving you kind of way.-“
You freeze in your place, never expecting those words to ever leave Natasha’s mouth- of course you’ve hoped for them, but to hear them out loud is everything you could have dreamed for and more.
Unfortunately for Natasha, she doesn’t have insight to your mind and fails to notice the now heart fluttering thoughts bursting with the idea that Natasha reciprocates your love clouding your mind.
Natasha retreats into herself, silently scolding herself for being so careless with her emotions. How could she be so naive to think you’d feel the same way, she should have never assumed you’d automatically understand her love for you. She should have never got into this state because now she could have cost herself your friendship.
Natasha continues to torment herself, unwillingly reliving the haunting lessons and words originating from the Red Room itself.
That is until you speak up, “Natasha, I have feelings for you too-“
Natasha meets your gaze with tear filled eyes, to which you instantly move closer to wipe away any that dare to escape.
She can’t help the sobs that escape her, pure relief of knowing you feel the same way about her as she does for you.
You steadily bring her into a hug, choosing to shuffle the two of you back towards the headboard of the bed and seeking a more comfortable position.
Natasha moves herself to lay against your side as you draw soothing circles across her arm. From the mixed emotions of the night and the alcohol, it was bound to end in tears, she’s just thankful to have you here to comfort her.
“I was so scared you didn’t feel the same way.” Natasha sniffles out, causing you to give her a reassuring squeeze.
“Nat, I’ve always known how much I love you. Everything about you is so captivating. You never fail to make me smile or laugh; you’re always there for me when I need you. You make me want to be the best version of myself Natasha. I know I’d be lost without you, because without you Nat, life would lose all meaning. You give me so much to look forward to, it was just being able to hang out with you and see your mesmerising smile in the morning; that or some sarcastic remark that I should probably take offence towards but you’re so quick witted, I’ll let it slide. Though now, I get to look forward to so much more, like-“
You choose to look down and come to the realisation that Natasha is asleep, soft snores sounding from her as she uses half of your body as a designated pillow.
Refusing to disturb her peacefulness, you relax your body into the mattress and allow a form of slumber to overcome you, not before whispering a soft ‘goodnight’ to Natasha, finally knowing that the woman that stole your heart all those months ago, is the woman you’ll happily love for the remainder of your days.
———-
A soft heat spreads across your cheek as your eyes flutter open from the sunlight that trickles through the gaps of open blinds across the room from you.
In your sleepy haziness, it takes you a moment to register your surroundings, until the events of the previous night come rushing back to you.
A slight shift from the woman beside you catches your attention, as does the sticky note attached to her shoulder. You slowly move to peel it away, successfully not disturbing Natasha as you move to read the note.
‘It is about time you two declared your undying love for each other!
Y/n, thank you for taking care of Natasha and always being someone we can all rely on.
Sestra, I have left some painkillers and water on the side for your undoubtedly raging headache- and yes I will be back in the morning to remind you of all the embarrassing things you got up to.
Lena. ’
You smile at the handwritten note, looking over to see the stated painkiller and water combo for Natasha’s awaiting hangover on her desk- Yelena must have come in to check on Natasha after everyone went home.
Your thoughts are disturbed when a rather groggy Natasha speaks, “My head feels as though the Hulk himself has played football with it.”
You chuckle at Natasha’s words, loving the way she snuggles further into your embrace. As you are about to ask Natasha how she is feeling, she beats you to the mark with her own question.
“So, you love me huh?” Natasha suddenly asks.
You look down to see her eyes now fixated on your face, “I wasn’t sure if you would have remembered.” You let out, relieved beyond compare that Natasha recalled the conversation from the night before.
“Of course I do, when you love someone for all that time and they say it back; you make a point to remember it y/n/n.” Natasha smiles up at you, admiring your beauty up close, desperate to stay in this moment forever- despite the throbbing head and burning throat.
“Now, if you really do love me, then you’ll get me some painkillers and-“
“Already taken care of.” You pass Natasha the note left behind by Yelena. She squints furiously as she attempts to decipher Yelena’s note, widening her eyes and closing them several times to work the tiredness out of them.
Natasha groans in displeasure once she reaches the end of the note, “Oh god, was I really that bad last night?” She asks as she uses the note to cover her embarrassed features.
You tilt your head in pretend thought, “Well… yes, you were very soft and it was quite the experience but don’t worry, your secret is safe with me.”
Natasha playfully smacks your arm, moving herself to hide her head under her pillow to mumble out a false ‘I hate you’.
You laugh as you remove the pillow from her face and lean down to see her, taking care not to disturb her pained head too much, “I love you too.” You reply in the same manner as Natasha, allowing her to lean up and place a soft, yet well worth the wait kiss on your lips.
As you pull away, you fail to disguise the blush spreading across your face; using Natasha’s tactic of using the pillow to shield your face from her teasing manner.
A few stolen kisses; many whispered ‘I love you’s’ and unlimited heartwarming hugs later, you could finally admit that life couldn’t be more perfect.
It’s safe to say that you’re officially drunk on love.
————————
Taglist: @beefromanoff
#natasha romanoff#marvel#mcu#black widow#natasha romanoff one shot#natasha romanoff x reader#marvel fan fic#slightly smarter nat’s writing#slightly smarter nat#slightly smarter nat’s requests#natasha romanoff fic#natasha romanoff imagine#natasha x reader#anon request#black widow x reader#avenger reader#avengers imagine#natasha romanoff x you#natasha romanoff fanfic
1K notes
·
View notes
Text
Day 29/50
Things I accomplished
Studied for ap comp sci exam
Review ap econ
Review significant moments from books read in ap lit
Re-read Anna and the tropics for ap lit exam (it's a short book)
Stuff for tomorrow
Do well on ap lit exam!
Do well on ap comp sci a exam!
Study ap econ
Study ap calc
Other
I have two ap exams tomorrow, and I am not excited. I feel pretty good for ap lit, I'm thinking a four, especially if the question three prompt is good. I'm not feeling quite as good for comp sci, although partly because my brain will be mildly dead by the time I get to this exam, I'm hoping for a three. Good luck to anyone else taking the ap lit and comp sci exam tomorrow!
May 7 2024
#days of productivity#productivity??#studyblr#studying#productivity#school#ap classes#study blog#productivity challenge#student#study#high school#daily blog
16 notes
·
View notes
Text
Studyblr Introduction 3
Hi! I'm Anna & I just enrolled in my master's degree for Foreign Languages and Literature :) I've been on studyblr for almost 2 years at this point and I think it's time for a re-introduction.
about me
I'm aroace, I'm Italian, I knit at @prettycraft5 and @identifying-books-in-media is my side hobby. I also love traveling and have a not-on-Tumblr travel blog that I update infrequently. I write fiction sometimes. Also, I do ballet.
I speak Italian and English fluently, German kind of mid. I've studied Spanish, French, Portuguese and Chinese. I'm currently Duolinguo-ing Hindi because why not?
This blog is very pink because Legally Blonde rocks.
goals
Pass all my exams this semester + next semester + study abroad next year (in 2 different countries) + Graduate as soon as possible.
Become fluent in German, Korean and Hindi (which can either mean, being able to sustain a spontaneous conversation or to watch movies with og language subtitles)
Final boss goal: write a novel & publish it for money
You can find more goals and plans here.
I wish you academic success, everyone!
#studyblr#studyinspo#studying#uniblr#collegeblr#uni student#student life#study motivation#langblr#studyblr introduction
33 notes
·
View notes
Text
Rukmini Devi Arundale
Rukmini Devi Arundale, born on February 29, 1904, in Madurai, Tamil Nadu, served as a catalyst in revitalising the traditional Indian dance form of Bharatanatyam and establishing its prominence. Born into a Brahmin family with deep connections to the Theosophical Society, Rukmini was exposed to humanist ideals from an early age. Her marriage to George Arundale, a theosophist and educator, further fuelled her interest in theosophy and dance.
While travelling with her husband and Annie Besant, Rukmini learned of Western ballet and began studying ballet at the suggestion of the famous ballerina Anna Pavlova. Pavlova also encouraged her to explore classical Indian dance forms, which allowed Rukmini to pursue Bharatanatyam
To challenge the norms and re-establish the artistic integrity of the dance, Rukmini undertook formal education at the Bharatnatyam master Pandanalur Meenakshi Sundaram Pillai.
In 1935, at the age of 31, Rukmini made her debut in Bharatanatyam, defying societal expectations and setting a precedent for upper-class women to participate in the dance form. Witnessing the transformative power of Bharatanatyam, she established the International Academy of the Arts in Adyar in 1936, later renamed Kalakshetra. Through Kalakshetra, Rukmini aimed to teach and popularise Bharatanatyam through this institution, saying that she felt she had been "ushered into a new world of rhythmic beauty and meaning."
Rukmini Devi Arundale's contributions extended beyond dance. In 1934, she founded educational institutions that blended theosophy and traditional Hindu values. Her vision for Kalakshetra went beyond preserving Bharatanatyam; it became a hub for various Indian traditions and the propagation of theosophical ideals. Her efforts earned her accolades, including the Padma Bhushan in 1956 and the Sangeet Natak Akademi Award in 1967. As an animal lover, she chaired the Animal Welfare Board and played a key role in passing the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals Act in 1952. In the same year, she made history as the first ever woman in Indian history to be nominated as the Rajya Sabha member
In 1977, she declined the offer to become the President of India from Prime Minister Morarji Desai post the death of President Fakhruddin Ali Ahmed. In a 2013 speech at Kalakshetra, President Pranab Mukherjee delivered the first Rukmini Devi Memorial Lecture, emphasising on the significance she has had on the revival of classical dance and her commitment to the cultural renaissance of India.
further links:
#bharatanatyam#rukmani devi arundale#women in history#indian women in history#india#classical dance#history
13 notes
·
View notes
Text
Throwback Thursday Sunday
@sallysavestheday tagged me to share an oldie but goodie—thank you!
I think the rule is to share a fic older than a week, but I'm going to go back to 2022 and re-share bodies of dust illuminated (Turn, Anna/Hewlett, 1.2k), which I still have a lot of fondness for. Feat. very indulgent descriptions and discussions of astronomy, as per usual (I don't have this URL for nothing!), with a good dose of mythology to boot.
Summary:
“Such was the greatness of the observers of the ancient world. They could weave myth and science together and find warriors and monsters hidden in the heavens.” Admiration filled his features. “I sometimes feel that we who watch the stars now are lesser men, novices pretending to have the skill of their masters, yet lacking all the deftness and genius that made them great. But I suppose all who look upon the heavens feel their own insignificance in the splendor of the stars.”
Anna studied Edmund’s face as he gazed upward, fondly watching as awe curved his mouth up at the edges and brought a certain brightness to his eyes that she saw only when they stood under the light of the stars.
Anna and Edmund spend an evening under the stars.
Tagging @aloveforjaneausten @boltlightning @tortoisesshells @bywayofmemory if you'd like to participate!
6 notes
·
View notes
Text
"It was an obvious choice, for I have studied Henry’s queens over several decades, and published books on them, notably a collective biography in 1991, which I am now re-researching and rewriting."
That's longer than I've been alive but GIRL I still found errors in your novel ffffffffffffffff
'Tudor women were poorly educated'
I'm not saying I WANT the education of a tudor woman (certainly at the bottom end of society the sexes would be almost equally illiterate). But again, educated for what? And why the value judgement of failure on the part of the teacher? If a carpenter teaches me carpentry but not theology, am I poorly educated? Did the carpenter 'fail'?
'Tudor women were excluded from formal academic spaces, often denied education in classical languages, and had fewer opportunities to enter or create informal ones' is the more accurate (but admittedly clunkier) way to put it.
"They lived in a court dominated by an egocentric, suggestible king, in which factions fought each other with often bloody consequences. It was the duty of the King’s wives to bear him male heirs – and in that they mostly failed spectacularly, and so exposed themselves to their enemies."
Catherine and Anne didn't fail. You can't fail something you have no control over. You might as well say that I failed to win the lottery this week.
"In 1533, to his crushing disappointment, she bore him a daughter, Elizabeth."
Henry was relieved, not disappointed! "Sons will surely follow" is a man who is optimistic not disappointed.
"Henry sent Hans Holbein to Cleves to paint Anna’s portrait. An ambassador vouched that it was a good likeness, but it showed her from the most flattering viewpoint. Henry was enchanted, and pressed ahead eagerly with the marriage negotiations. He was shocked to find Anne so unlike what he had expected. It was the most disastrous of beginnings. The marriage went ahead, in January 1540. On the wedding night Henry pawed Anna’s breasts and belly, but ventured no further, for by these tokens, he was to declare, she was no virgin. We might wonder what he meant by that."
Many people described Anne as the most good-looking of all Henry's wives. And why would Hans Holbein flatter her? He has no incentive to do that. His skill at painting is that he can capture the true likeness. Did he flatter every one of the candidates he painted?
"We might wonder what he meant by that" maybe he was looking for an excuse not to stay married to her and he was totally ready to LIEEEEEEEEEE
"At an early age she was corrupted by her music master."
The definition of corrupted:
cause to act dishonestly in return for money or personal gain:"there is a continuing fear of firms corrupting politicians in the search for contracts"
cause to become morally depraved: "he has corrupted the boy"
change or debase by making errors or unintentional alterations:"a backup copy will be needed if the original copy becomes corrupted" · "Epicurus's teachings have since been much corrupted"
ARCHAIC infect; contaminate:"the corrupting smell of death"
This is a value judgement. You're saying that Katherine Howard was made worse by being ABUSED. That is AWFUL.
"What happened next to this ignorant girl is one of the saddest chapters in English history."
Again, a value judgement. Say naive, say inexperienced. But ignorant?
Only one of Henry VIII’s wives left an enduring legacy.
Catherine of Aragon left a legacy in her daughter Mary and as a patron of humanism, Anne Boleyn and Catherine Parr left a legacy in Elizabeth and also as Reformation heroines (see Foxe) and patrons or in Catherine's case AUTHOR. Catherine was a pioneer as a female pioneer of the English language!
7 notes
·
View notes
Text
River's English Major Summer TBR list(to encourage you to read new things):
because holy heck, i'm done with school already??? Anyways these are in no particular order tbh.
Anna Karenina, by Leo Tolstoy. I've started it before but lost track halfway through. I've got my own copy now so it should be easier.
Persuasion, by Jane Austen. I'm already halfway through this, and ANNE MY BELOVED---
The Only Problem, by Muriel Spark. I ordered it while i was at college and never got around to it, and I LOVE the satire of this woman.
Wise Blood, by Flannery O'Connor. You all know how much I adore her. I haven't read this novel yet!!! I'm so excited!!!
Frankenstein, by Mary Shelley. I've never actually read it. I only sort of know how it goes, so this should be really good. I love gothic literature.
Cursed, by Marissa Meyer. I got it for Christmas and still have not read it. Curses on a reading-intense degree.
Providence Blue, by David Pinault. I also got this for Christmas, and have been looking forward to it.
Plague Journal, by Michael O'Brien. Dystopia or something. It should be really good.
The rest of Paradise Lost by John Milton. I'm not one for poetry, so this might be a last ditch effort when I'm at the end of my rope. I studied the parts about Satan and his fall, but I don't really know what happens in the rest of the book, so I'm very curious.
And last, but not least, Before Austen Comes Aesop: The Children's Great Books and How to Experience Them, by Cheri Blomquist. Another Christmas Present that may not be something most people would enjoy, but I think I really will enjoy it. I'm a nerdy nerdy Lit major at heart, and like. These kind of commentaries are really enjoyable to me.
Anyways, I hope you all have fun watching me get repeatedly broken apart by various classics and newer novels, as I tend to walk a strange line between fangirling and critical analysis, I suppose as any good literature lover does. I know last summer I started re-reading the KOTLC Series, and I'm not going to lie when I say I honestly think I'm tired of Shannon Messenger's style for now. I read a ton of her work last summer, and now I kind of want to go everywhere with my reading. I hope y'all don't mind that I'm gonna randomly post quotes from all over the place. :P
Then again, you're still here. Perhaps this is the kind of thing you've signed up for.
Happy Summer to every College kid who's almost free, and everyone else who still thinks it's only spring!!!!
#tbr#i feel like this is a pretty realistic chunk of books to try and read tbh#i'm gonna really try to enjoy these too#like not read as fast as i can but like#just take my time#:D#it should go good#not fandom content in specific#summer tbr#to be read#english major#classic literature#literature#literature major
37 notes
·
View notes
Text
Fascinating background to Matthew GoodE's upcoming movie with Anthony Hopkins
Freud Museum London
The centrepiece of the room, and arguably of the whole museum, is the couch where patients were treated with the psychoanalyst’s ‘talking cure’. Featured in Financial Times House Museums series. [Aug 11, 2023]
From a very young age, Freud was a book lover. Sigmund Freud’s library in his study in London contains over 1,600 books. The library includes works from authors like Darwin, Locke, Feuerbach, Krafft-Ebing, Shakespeare, Goethe and Dostoevsky.
The History of Freud’s Library
“When I was seventeen I had run up a largish account at the bookseller’s and had nothing to meet it with; and my father had scarcely taken it as an excuse that my inclinations might have chose a worse outlet.”
SIGMUND FREUD
When Freud prepared to leave his home in Vienna for London in 1938 it was unclear if he would be able to take his library.
He and his daughter Anna assessed it book by book. Almost one-third was taken out and given to a local book dealer.
The rest Freud was finally able to take to London. This was largely due to help from Marie Bonaparte, who assisted the family in their escape. They were placed where they sit today: the shelves of the study in 20 Maresfield Gardens, London.
Freud had loved books from an early age.
In 1868, aged 12, he won a prize at school in the form of a book: Friedrich von Tschudi’s Animal Life of the Alps. He was bored by many of the texts in his his school’s library, though ambitious in his own reading. He tackled T.H. Buckle’s The History of Civilization in England as a teenager.
Just as Freud loved collecting antiquities, he had a passion for acquiring books.
He received them as gifts from friends and family, and gave them as gifts to loved ones. In the 1880s, while studying medicine, his library steadily began to grow.
When Freud and his wife Martha moved to Berggasse 19, Vienna, his library grew more. He continued to collect books and, as his own works were published, he was sent more as gifts.
Freud’s own works were not displayed openly on his shelves. Instead he arranged works by mentors, students and peers in the world of psychoanalysis, neurology and medicine.
But Freud’s library also stretched far beyond his professional life. Works of literature, by Shakespeare, Goethe and Schiller, lined walls, with books on ancient history, archaeology and religion also accumulating. In later years, Freud said he bought books faster than he could read them.
During his student days, however, Freud often used public libraries to sate his appetite for books when money was in short supply. Writing to his friend Eduard Silberstein he says “I am gradually making up for my lack of knowledge of modern literature through our Union Library”, referring to the Reading Room and Lecture Hall of Jewish Students.
This may explain why a number of books known to be loved by Freud are not in his library. Freud wrote about other writers and books not only in his own published works, but also in letters to friends and colleagues. It’s possible, therefore, to know what he had read even if the books themselves weren’t in his personal library.
When Freud and his daughter Anna finally packed up his library in Berggasse 19 in the spring of 1938, its fate was unknown.
The Nazis would have deemed many of the books to be at odds with their ideology, and were holding book burning ceremonies.
But when the books, along with his collection of antiquities, arrived unscathed in London weeks later, the library was eventually re-assembled.
The double room on the ground floor of 20 Maresfield Gardens was to be Freud’s study and library, laid out in much the same way as his consulting room in Vienna. Books were placed on the shelves, mostly in categories but not following any formal system. Freud was once again surrounded by his favourite food: books.
Freud's Last Session movie (2023) Release Date: TBC
Dir. Matt Brown. Written by Mark St. Germain.
Cast: Anthony Hopkins (Sigmund Freud), Matthew GoodE (C. S. Lewis), Liv Lisa Fries (Anna Freud), Jodi Balfour (Dorothy Burlingham), Orla Brady (Janie Moore), Rhys Mannion (Young C.S. Lewis 19 Years), Jeremy Northam (Dr. Ernest Jones), Stephen Campbell Moore (J.R.R. Tolkien), Pádraic Delaney (Warren Lewis), Gary Buckley (Albert Lewis), Tarek Bishara (Jacob Freud), George Andrew-Clarke (Paddy Moore), Oscar and Lucas Massey (twin boys of producer Meg Thomson who play the young Lewis brothers).
#matthew goode#anthony hopkins#freud's last session#freud's last session movie#sigmund freud#matthewgoode#c s lewis#henry talbot#a discovery of witches#psychoanalysis#lisa liv fries#anna freud#goode performance#sigmund freud's library#sigmund freud's books#sigmund freud's couch#freud museum london#books#vienna#1938#house museum#museum#Berggasse 19#20 Maresfield Gardens#famous couch#fls#cast list#production design#set decoration
13 notes
·
View notes
Text
wednesday, 4.17.24
today i:
did yoga with adriene
did a 30-minute strength workout
emailed a university re: being on the waitlist for their phd program
listened to ep. 4 of the coffee break french podcast
listened to ep. 17 of the artcurious podcast
finished reading "introduction to art historical analysis"
watched "how to do visual (formal) analysis in art history"
studied some french
scrolled through gradcafe and the grad admissions subreddit
went on a 1-hr+ walk
listened to the audiobook of fire and blood by george r. r. martin
watched an ep. of grey's anatomy
watched bill cunningham new york (2010, max)
artnews articles i read today (there's a lot):
"what is the venice biennale? everything you need to know"
"inside jeffrey gibson's us pavilion at the venice biennale, where color brings history to life"
"the 2024 venice biennale by the numbers"
"a guide to the 2024 venice biennale national pavilions"
"israel's national pavilion won't open until ceasefire is reached, artist says"
"venice biennale’s lifetime achievement awards go to nil yalter, anna maria maiolino"
2 notes
·
View notes
Note
For the prompt-a-ton, cards :). Happy birthday again 🎉🎉
CARDS: John and Delenn are rival spies
I am hosting a Birthday Month Promptathon - prompt me things!
It's a Scarecrow and Mrs King AU! I hope you enjoy and thank you so much for the birthday wishes! <3
“Hide.”
At the sound of John’s father and his two daughters, Delenn ‘Entil’Zha’ Mir slipped out through the kitchen door and hovered by the orange blossom. Earlier, after they had finished their surveillance at the embassy party, John had lifted a blossom from the nearby gardens and placed it in Delenn’s hair, his thumb brushing the shell of her ear She slid it from the strands, now, and lifted it to her nose to embrace the scent. Such a thoughtful gesture. Fitting their covers, of course.
In the kitchen, Delenn overheard John and his two girls, Ellie and Lexi. They were talking nineteen to the dozen about the movie they had seen with their grandfather, the special effects, the size of popcorn they had shared. As John grew mock offended that his beloved daughters had not brought any popcorn for dear old Dad, Delenn could not help but smile. She always saw John as a father from a distance: dressed in his coaching gear from the girl’s football team, attending PTA meetings that Delenn had to interrupt, Christmas shopping for hard-to-find dolls that Delenn cashed in two favours for to locate. She knew he was an excellent father. Hearing him with his daughters just confirmed it.
“Okay, girls, go wash up ready for bed, now,” their grandfather, David, said. Delenn snuck a quick glance through the kitchen window and saw both girls press a kiss to their father’s cheek before running up the stairs, crowing about who would reach the bathroom first. Delenn thought she could re-enter and continue her conversation – but David had something else to say to his son. “You know, you could have stayed later at the party.”
“It’s okay, Dad. I wanted to get home.”
“I just mean…you leave the house in a tuxedo; you look like James Bond—” Delenn couldn’t help but smile. If only his father knew. John laughed, as if he was having the exact same thought. “—it wouldn’t kill you to get out and date, John. You and Anna have been divorced a couple of years now. The girls would be happy.”
“They hated Julie.”
“Everyone hated Julie.” John laughed again. Everyone included Delenn – she had regularly teased him about his relationship with the acidic blonde, especially the time Musante had stood naked in John’s kitchen when Delenn had just arrived to bring him into an assignment. “I’m just saying, John – you deserve someone to be happy with. What about that publishing house you work for? There must be someone there you find attractive.”
Delenn found herself holding her breath, both dreading and hoping for one specific response. But as the girls raced downstairs to drag their father up to read them a story, Delenn knew the answer could never be. John was part of her world but only part-time. He could do courier work for them in the Centauri Republic (and get himself arrested passing illegal Centauri ducats); he could pose as Delenn’s boyfriend, fiancé, husband on a million and one missions where they would kiss and touch and he would be Mr Mir. But Delenn was not sure whether she could attend PTA meetings and pack lunches and be the Mrs Sheridan John deserved.
After the girls were in bed and David Sheridan had retreated to the study, John came back down to the kitchen. He hovered by the door. “Delenn?” She did not say a word. Just listened to the soft sound of his breathing and smelt the last trace of the blossom he had plucked for her. John simply sighed, accepting that she had gone. “I really hate it when you do that.”
Delenn left the flower behind; she couldn’t agree more.
#john x delenn#dd: fanfic#prompts#ship: john x delenn#I am still open for prompts!#not going anywhere this weekend so going to write all the things
19 notes
·
View notes
Text
☕ plotting call — would really like to have more things going & to delve into some historical / dark academia / supernatural / horror stuff & to write with these muses particularly so if you are interested in plots like that or in just writing with these muses in general let me know
ages vary per verse but are always 20+ & things labeled * are only relevant to supernatural plots. insomnia is prevalent in a lot of my muses for varying reasons.
anna sun — she/her, madelaine petsch / bi / professional ballet & company dancer, perpetually in debt, occasional purveyor of substances
aristotle aryes — she/her, saoirse ronan / bi / investigative journalist (particularly mysterious subject matter or crime), nomadic
auden smith — she/her, victoria pedretti / bi / owns & operates bakery, responsible & sensible
bliss iver — she/her, florence pugh / bi, preference for women / waitress, singer-songwriter, busker, dive bar & open mic performer
chance — he/him, lee minhyuk (huta) / gay / vampire* / film photography, magazine
charis — he/him, tom blyth / bi / vampire* / theater actor, filthy rich
draco aryes — he/him, dylan o'brien (specifically blonde, buzzcut 'not okay' era) / bi / artist, historical art restoration, struggles with addiction
ella finley — they/them & she/her, halsey / bi / part time at a music shop / dj
emerson beckett — she/her, kristen stewart / bi, heavy preference for women / touring musician
evie caldwell — she/her, olivia rodrigo / bi, demi / witchy, clairvoyant, practices tarot reading & divination
hannah monroe — she/her, lili reinhart / bi / film & photography restoration & preservation
jace tide — he/him, dylan o'brien / bi, preference for men / freelance writer for print & online papers, drummer in a band
shen keung — he/him, xiaojun / bi / lycan* / traditional artist, works part time at a gallery, takes commissions for paintings, died briefly once & is real existential about it
kian wyatt — he/him, timothée chalamet / bi / night shift laundromat, poet & aspiring novelist
lorelai parker — she/her, hunter schafer / bi / waitress at a 24hr diner, loves a good party, partakes in most nightlife scenes
mandy carter — she/her, hailee steinfeld / bi / bartender, works & has worked a lot of odd jobs, catholic trauma, interest & belief in most things supernatural
nash newton — he/him, thomas sangster / bi, demi / lobby pianist in hotel, re-strings & balances pianos at music store(s), is known for being almost non-verbal unless particularly comfortable
neil parrish — he/him, josh hutcherson / bi, demi, preference for men / runs physically & away from his feelings, big on trust, used to deliver & work for a florist, is good with cars, does translation work & has been a verbal translator, freelance photography (travel, flora)
nellen casper — she/her, jenna ortgea / bi / doesn't set down roots, good at casual relationships, not good at long-lasting romances, more likely to flee the more she cares about a person
ophelia caldwell — she/her, amanda seyfried / bi / a bit off with the faeries, a mental medium & is a witch or bananas depending on the way you look at it
rhea czerny — she/her, anya taylor-joy / bi / ghost?*, nebulously clairvoyant, has prophetic dreams, speaks a bit cryptically, not good at time awareness, uses tarot cars, makes elixirs
river josslyn — he/him, elliot page / bi / atmokinesis by way of emotions*, is autistic, has alexithymia, into classical poetry & shakespearean literature
finnigan — he/him, they/them, barry keoghan / demi-romantic, bi / lycan* / speaks a lot of languages, has a literary understanding of even more, has studied many religions but does not practice them, filthy rich, a haunt to local pubs & clubs, loves a casual hookup, good fighter, curses a lot
stella monroe — she/her, dove cameron / equal opportunist / fashion girlie, amateur model, adores women, will take almost anyone to bed, dressed up to get messed up, loves to dance, will wreck a home, does not feel shame rocking up to breakfast in last night's outfit
winter josten — he/him, troye sivan / gay, demi / was almost an olympic swimmer, does not swim anymore, works at a bookstore with cats, believes in most things, always has a book
2 notes
·
View notes
Note
Re the don Giovanni post you made in October, I would like to read those shitty essays you're talking about if you got em
OH yes! Don Giovanni essays!
In order of least favourite to favourite:
The Operas of Mozart - William Mann. I hated this book and the one chapter I read. He basically says listen I don't think Anna was raped but I think it would've been good for her if he did. 0/10, misogynistic asshole.
Mozart's Operas, a critical study - Edward Dent. Really not much better. Ignores Anna's pain and grief to just paint her as a cold, naive socialite. 1/10.
I got these two from physical books so I don't have any links for them. The rest, I do!
Music, Sexuality and the Enlightenment in Mozart’s Figaro, Don Giovanni and Così Fan Tutte - Charles Ford. I couldn't find much about Anna here but it does talk about Elvira and Zerlina. Not very kind to them, the gist is that they behave kind of in spite of themselves? 3/10, not exactly what I was looking for.
The Problem of Donna Anna: 'Risk-free identification?" - Catherine Laws. I got a lot from this about how the women of Don Giovanni fit or defy stereotypes. It also talks about how romanticized the opera has become, and issues that stem from not looking at the work in a critical light. 7/10, love a work by a female scholar.
The sexual politics of teaching Don Giovanni - Liane Curtis (couldn't make this one show up as a big link for some reason). This was an Interesting read. She talks about Don Giovanni's place in the classroom, and how it's been perceived in the courses she's taught. There's a lot about how student's reactions to the work are informed by rape culture and how the work could be quite triggering to those who have experienced SA, and argues that teachers really need to dedicate time to understanding the whole of the opera instead of glossing over it and allowing harmful ideas to perpetuate. 9/10, incredibly interesting, i think all music history profs should read it.
And Finally!
Understanding the Women of Mozart's Operas - Kritsi Brown-Montesano. Now this is a full book that I only read the first chapter of. But WOW was that first chapter eye-opening. It discusses Donna Anna from the first Don Juan story until now, gives scathing critiques of the victim-blamey scholars at the top of my list, and makes a well-researched case for Anna and her quest for vengeance/justice. I love it. I want to read the whole book. It took me quite some time to get through, the text is quite dense, but it's well worth reading. 10/10 I want to write her a thank-you note.
I was able to access these papers/books through my university, so I can't guarantee how accessible they are if you don't have a connection to a library or academic institution, but I know this is the website of getting around things like that. I won't be posting my actual paper bc 1) it's not actually done yet, still needs a final draft, 2)it's an undergrad summary paper and 3) it does have my personal information attached to it. Basically imagine it as all these papers and my opinions of them combined.
#@novonick ik it took me a while but here's the papers!#rape mention#rape tw#don giovanni#opera#long post#research#feminist literature#rose rambles#mozart
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
2023 books:
Best book of the Year:
I'm Glad My Mom Died by Jennett McCurdy 10/10
Worst book of the year:
The Scorch Trials by James Dashner 2/10
All other books I read (By date read):
The Buried by Melissa Grey 9/10
The Program by Suzanne Young 6/10
The Testing by Joelle Charbonneau 7/10
Independent Study by Joelle Charbonneau 7/10
Butterfly Girl by Rene Denfeld 3/10
Bloodmoon Huntress by Nicole Andelfinger 9/10
All My Rage by Sabaa Tahir 10/10
Star Wars: Padawan by Kiersten White 9/10
The Crystal Key by Christopher Bailey 7/10
Star Wars: Queens Shadow by E.K Johnston 9/10
Heartstopper by Alice Oseman 10/10
Graduation Day by Joelle Charbonneau 5/10
Puzzle House by Peter Wartman
Heartstopper #2 By Alice Oseman 9/10
Hearstopper #3 by Alice Oseman 10/10
Heartstopper #4 by Alices Oseman 10/10
The Elite by Kiera Cass 5/10
Grave Things Like Love by Sara Bennett Wealer 8/10
Nimon by ND Stevenson 10/10
Transformers: Drift by Shane McCarthy 10/10
The Treatment by Suzanne Young 2/10
Spider-Punk: Battle of the Banned by Cody Ziglar 9/10
The Cristopher Killer by Alane Ferguson 8/10
Queens Hope by E.K. Johnston 10/10
The Death Cure by James Dashner 5/10
The Lightning Thief by Rick Riordan (Re-read) 10/10
The Hate You Give By Angie Thomas 10/10
Instant Karma by Marissa Meyer 8/10
Heartstopper #5 By Alice Oseman 9/10
Freedom by Sebastian Junger 5/10
Uglies by Scott Westerfield 5/10
Angel Radio by A.M. Blaushild 8/10
Give Me a Sign by Anna Sortino 10/10
Murder and the Mortician by Mariana McCarthy
Totals:
37 Books
10874 Pages
174 Hours and 31 Minutes (or 7.3 Days)
If you want to see more in-depth reviews of most of these books, check out my Goodreads:
3 notes
·
View notes
Note
Maaaaaasoooooooon :3 (i would pounce but I'm almost sure you wouldn't want that so I don't) Let's talk about Villanelle for a change :3
What moment where you hooked on Villanelle as a character?
Which scene/moment is most memorable to you?
What do you have in common with her?
Is there a scene/moment that had an impact on your life?
1. What moment were you hooked on Villanelle as a character?
Honestly, the first scene? Not just the fact that she knocks the ice cream into the kid’s lap, although that would be enough. The way she tries to engage the kid almost experimentally and fails. Watching her study and then emulate the differences in the smiling expressions? That piece was very relatable for me.
And the glee on her face when she’s walking out of the ice cream parlor? Amazing.
Re-watching it, seeing the blood drop on the watch, and then realizing that she stopped to get ice cream shortly after murdering a guy in broad daylight in public?
I want this woman to be my friend. She will get me arrested or killed, and it will be so fun.
2. Which scene/moment is most memorable to you?
Probably like a 16-way tie between a bunch of scenes, but one of my favorites to re-watch is Eve swallowing the pills during the kitchen scene in 2x05. Both of our ladies do such an amazing job with that scene. The tears spilling silently down Sandra’s face and Jodie’s little micro expressions. It tells us so much about the characters. And all the tension.
Followed immediately by my favorite asshole’s arsenic prank.
3. What do you have in common with her?
Extravagance and desserts.
I don’t really give off an extravagant vibe—I’m not sophisticated—but I will buy whatever I want whenever I can afford it. (Footnote: I will never be able to retire.) I make foolishly extravagant gestures to others and give gifts at random. I’ve always been this way, even when I didn’t have much income.
I once bought a friend an electric bass—a new friend, like a friend I had known for three months—as a birthday gift and then realized I didn’t have enough money for tuition, so had to return it (luckily before I actually gave it as a gift). 😅
I do the same thing in little ways, too. I’ve just gifted random things to fellow tumblr kids—some KE blogger is having a bad day? Surprise ad-free for a year, surprise have a horse, surprise have some (apparently contentious) badges, etc. I usually do it anonymously because I’ve found it creeps people out. There is no ulterior motive, I just treat social interactions like the Sims (action queue: talk, talk, tell joke, tell joke, tell joke, tell joke, give gift, give gift—meanwhile, only three minutes have passed in real life), and I feel ashamed and chagrined when people don’t like it.
I feel like Villanelle is similar in that she obviously buys what she wants, but she also sees gift-giving as a social currency. Maybe it’s her love language, but I see it as her showing interest by doing the thing she likes for herself (have nice stuff) for others (gifts for Anna, Eve, even Bor’ka’s Elton money).
And dessert is just … the way to live your life. Villanelle likes sweets. Hagelslag, ice cream, candy. I will eat chocolate chips straight out of the bag, rainbow chip frosting with a spoon, always order it at the end of a meal out, etc.
About the show more broadly, I love that KE has both Villanelle and Eve eating regularly and in a very human way. And enjoying it! They’re not Women Eating Salad, they are choking to death on pasta and eating pastries mid-meeting.
4. Is there a scene/moment that had an impact on your life?
[Footage not found wanted.]
I’m scrunching up my nose right now because I have to say it—the series finale. I’ve never been so furious over a show ending in my life, nor a character death (not even Lexa, which was supreme bullshit).
It was probably the first time I felt something approximating real grief for a fictional character? I was wrecked for months and I honestly think half of my KE hyperfixation is a coping mechanism? I liked the show a lot before—liked the first two seasons, was kind of neutral on the third, and then that finale, man. Lost my shit.
I’ve re-watched the entire show (sans the final three minutes) dozens of times now. Maybe more. Probably more. I have read at least 300 fanfics and reread some of those dozens upon dozens of times. I have my silly KE/Twilight fic but I also have a separate unpublished fix-it fic where I have been rewriting the entire show from start to finish while reincorporating the interesting pieces from the books. (I’m only into season two of the plot and it’s so long it has broken the word count feature in the Bear app where I write.)
All in response to that shitty ending.
But to round it out with something nicer, the bridge scene hurts my heart in the best possible way. Does that impact my life? I dunno. But it's the scene that always leaves me whooping and shouting about character growth and love, so it's something.
#my answers long-winded as ever#thank you for the ask!#re: pouncing no one has ever tried—I give off a distinctly no-touching vibe in all contexts real and digital#but i appreciate the thought :)#asks
5 notes
·
View notes
Text
i wrote a little thing but i think i want to reflect more deeply about it so i deleted that post.... i submitted this big piece of work i was working on a few days ago now & it was a lot.... the whole first year of my phd has been so much & not at all how i imagined it would be & ive been desperately miserable for a long time whilst doing it but ! i think things are somewhat changing hopefully.
as part of the piece of work i just finished i had to fill in some inane forms about my progress and stuff and in doing that i did come to realise the things i had~ acheived (something i continuously struggle to focus on / celebrate, especially this yr!) which was good bc ive spent such a large proportion of time feeling overwhelmed, extremely behind & frustrated with myself about lack of progress / + being chronically ill forever [i.e.... chronically...... duh anna marie]
anyway, i was a little humbled when i wrote out some of the things ive done this yr for the form so here's a little overview of the main things i did in the past year:
moved to a totally new city!
read everything in the ethel williams archive
sorted all this annoying beurocracy about disability support stuff & my dsa stuff
got [re]diagnosed with dyslexia
learnt a bit about marxist literary criticism
got to grips [to some degree !] with periodical studies as a field, something totally new to me before i started this phd
applied [very intensely!!] for some funding & got totally crushed by rejection [lol]
went from a full time student to part time which was a hard but good decision to have made
audited a history module on reproductive rights history in britain and ireland
went to the british library for two (2!) research trips (which were both like.... soooooo useful !! & the second one i was very efficent with which was great if exhausting)
made a spreadsheet that is boring but extremely helpful of the columns i've read
read about half of the first longer term/consistent women's columns in forward & i think maybe two difficult but useful novels
had around 11 supervisions with my two supervisors
did not kill myself [always something to celebrate!!] lol
& finally did my apr!! [basically reviewing my progress] which included writing 5000 fairly excruciating words to submit and probably another 5000+ of words that were disposed of/ might be used for other things .... altho probably not lol lbr
ok thanks :)
5 notes
·
View notes
Text
A (re)introduction:
I disappeared for a long time from here because I finished my masters in filmmaking and started working and life got busy... But now I'm back in university and I felt like I could give this another go since I found this little community very motivating during my previous studies. So here I am. :)
My name is Anna
I'm 27 years old
I'm currently doing a theater studies MA in Budapest
Besides theater I also love films, books, painting, writing and being in nature
I'm volunteering with underpriviledged kids
I'm vegan
I have a booksta/studygram, you can find me as @prideandparchment there. I also write poetry, so if you speak Hungarian, you can read them on www.eldakerdeseket.wordpress.com.
That's it for now. If you're an old mutual of mine, feel free to say hi!
You can also ask questions if you'd like to know more about me. 😌
#movie magus#studyblr#student#university student#studying#bookblr#university#uni#productivity#introduction#reintroduction#books#reading#theater studies#theater#vegan student#here i am#motivation#study motivation
3 notes
·
View notes
Last Seen Blogs
abainvest
ABA Invest
aleks-art
Hobbyist
bearapolis
Untitled
les00blythe-blog
Untitled
sistercara
Cause Chaos