[ found you ]

EMBRASSE-MOI

: pairing — student! jay x tutor! reader

: genre — fluff, crack 

: song recc. — L’amour by Miel De Montagne 

: a/n — this lowkey sucks but I've been wanting to get work out so I'm sorry if this isn't the best :(( also I'm still learning french so if some of it is wrong pls lmk so i can fix it!! 

Jay was your school’s resident bad boy. blond hair, all-black outfits, cuts class and yells at kids that look his way. you know? the usual. You on the other hand were the complete opposite. straight-A student. A quiet kid who didn’t dare look the ways of Jay Park and his Clique™. So imagine the shock that was felt when the boy you avoided at all costs, walks up to you in the middle of the cafeteria asking for French lessons. 

“You want me to do what?” He rolls his eyes, tired of this conversation already. 

“Can you not hear? I’m failing French and I need to pass or else my parents won’t let me move to France.” He speaks as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. 

“And you’re asking me why?” He rolls his eyes again for what felt like the 100th time. You’re just confused about how he even knows of your existence.

“Listen, all I know that you’re in my French class and that you pay attention, I’ll even pay you I just need to get my mark up.” You perk up to the sound of money. You don’t really need but it’s still nice to have some. Doing this will get you good Karma right? 

“Fine. Meet me at the library every Monday and Wednesday after class, got it?” Jay stares at you with annoyance. He really does not want to be wasting his senior year on stupid lessons but, here we are. He reluctantly agrees and watches you walk away, struggling to hold your books in your arms. He turns around and lets out a deep sigh, wondering if the hot chicks and fancy baguettes in France are really worth this

Minutes turned into hours as you waited for Jay to show up. You waited patiently for hours just for this kid to not show up. Annoyed, you start to pack up your books. You don’t know why you’d think someone like Jay would actually show up to a voluntary tutor session. You were just about to make your way out of the library when you see someone running towards you almost like the flash. As the figure got closer to your still body, you realize it was Jay. Now, bent over in front of you gasping for air with his tongue out like a dog. You stared at his limped-over figure with confusion and slight disgust. 

“s-s-sorry i was… late, i f-forgot about… this.” he manages to speak out with the little air he has in him. He stands up and evens out his breath. 

“what makes you think i’m gonna tutor you now? you wasted my time Park, i have a life too you know.” you snap at him. He stares at you for a brief second before letting out a hearty laugh, throwing his head back and slapping his leg. He sees your serious expression, your eyes glaring at him like an eagle and awkwardly stops laughing. 

“Look, i’m paying you and this is only gonna last for a little while. i just need to pass, that’s it.” His eyes shine with a hopeful gleam, a look that is extremely rare to see from Jay Park. He looked a little cute. You dramatically sigh and start walking into the library, Jay following behind you. 

You settle at the table you sat at prior, re-opening your book bag to pull out your notes. He just watches you do that, not making an effort to even bring out a pencil. 

“Okay, so how much french do you even know?” 

He stares into space, a little hesitant to continue. “Um, i can ask if i can go to the bathroom?” You stare at him with disbelief. You’ve been in this class with him for months and that’s all he knows. 

“THAT’S IT?” 

“Oh and i can say good morning!” you let out a loud groan that catches the attention of others around, causing them to loudly shush at you. Feeling annoyed again, you contemplate if the money was really worth it. You sigh out and start looking for your notes from the beginning of the semester. This was gonna take a LONG time. 

“... and that’s how you conjugate verbs in the past tense, aka passé composé!” You finish off the session with joy. Jay on the other hand has gone completely blank, not remembering a single word you just told him. He stares down at his notes, then at you, then back down at his notes. You can see the struggle on his face and he hasn’t said a word yet. 

“I’m never gonna pass french. This is it. I can kiss France goodbye.” he claims with despair. This already too hard for him and he barely has learned anything. He sets his head on the table and mumbles to himself about how he will never be happy if he doesn’t live his youthful 20’s in France. You sat across from him irritated with his discouraging behaviour and a little sad that you weren’t able to teach him well. Until you come up with a plan that might help him improve much quicker.  

“What if… we hang out this weekend? We can do something and we’ll only speak in French! Of course I’ll help you and all that. But like, maybe? Only if you want to of course you probably don’t wanna spend your weekend with me i dont know you know its just a plan.” you ramble on and on without stopping and Jay simply just watches you. He smirks a little before nodding. 

“How about you put your number in my phone and then I’ll text you when I’m free hm?” he slides his phone across the table towards you and eyes you typing it in. He catches a glimpse of your rose-coloured cheeks and smirks a little more. 

“Okay, uh there’s my number! Just um, text me you know, when you’re free!” you manage to stutter out. Jay just nods at you and again, watches you walk away. This time a slight smile across his face. 

A sudden notification pulls you away from your thoughts. An unknown number that you had a feeling belonged to a particular boy you didn’t think would actually text you. 

042-002-1130: bonjour 

042-002-1130: was that even right

042-002-1130: anyways I’m free on saturday if you wanna hang ig 

042-002-1130: samedi is saturday right 

042-002-1130: it is wow im such a genius 

You let out a snort at his cocky behaviour and reply back, letting him know that you were free yourself and to meet you at the school grounds at 2 pm. 

Saturday shows up as you wait outside the school gates, a picnic basket in hand. An all-black car with dark tinted windows zooms up to you. The window is pulled down and alas, the handsome boy sits in the driver’s seat, ushering you to get into the car with his hand. 

“Woah a picnic basket? Listen y/n you’re cool and all but this isn’t a date,” he speaks and notices you roll your eyes. A smug smile tugging his lips. 

“No you asshole, I have a plan with this.” 

“Tell me,” Jay begins to drive away from the school. The destination is unknown to you but extremely familiar to the boy next to you. 

“In here there is a bunch of food, in order for you to eat, you’re gonna have to say the name of the food in french.” He turns his head to see you looking back at him, a sweet smile places on your face. Jay has always known of you. You sat in the back of the classroom, handed in all your work on time and never skipped a class. You had very few friends and always seemed to be lost in a dream world when you weren’t working. Jay had never been able to speak to you personally as you always avoided him but know he has the chance to actually talk to you, and he doesn’t wanna mess it up. 

The car stopped at the edge of a giant grassy field. The greenery going miles ahead. Trees surrounding the two of you. Jay like a gentleman runs out of the car to open the door for you. You blush at his actions, thanking him silently by smiling at him. 

He directs you to a small spot under a tree. You lay out a blanket for you to sit on while Jay leans up against the tree. You tell him to sit down next to you as you bring out all the little snacks to share with him. He thinks that he could get used to this. 

“D’accord, commençons! Qu'est-ce que ç'est?” (okay, lets start! What is this?) 

You pick up a grape. He thinks for a little bit before answering. “Un raisin.” (a grape) You clap with glee and hand him over the grape. A silence falls between you both, unaware of how to keep going. He picks up a strawberry and brings it to your face. “Tu aime les fraises?” (do you like strawberries?) You eye him for a second, for someone who said he only knows how to ask how to go the bathroom in french, he knows quite a bit. You nod a little, opening your mouth and letting him feed you the sweet fruit. Your face matches the colour of the strawberry and he giggles. You pull out a sandwich and ask him to describe what’s in it. 

“Dans le sandwich, il y a du jambon, du beurre, et de la tomate.” (in the sandwich there is some ham, some butter, and some tomato.) He speaks confidently. 

“Trés bien Jay! Tu es bon en parler francias!” (very good Jay! You are really good at speaking French!) 

“Merci, mon Cheri.” (Thank you, my dear.) you blush even more before and shy away from Jay’s gaze. Jay being the very bold guy that he is, placing his hand underneath your jaw, forcing you to meet his eyes. You both just stare at each other as the sun sets behind you. Was Jay always this beautiful? His eyes scan over your face seeking for any discomfort, none is to be found. So he makes the move and starts to lean in. You already have your eyes closed and lips puckered out, ready to embrace a feeling you’ve never felt before.

His breath fans over your lips and just before he kisses you he asks “je peux t’embrasser? (can I kiss you?) you eagerly nod and whisper out “embrasse-moi.” (kiss me.) Jay finally places his lips on yours and everything feels right. Your hands find their way to the back of his neck to deepen the kiss. You stay in this position with him for a little while before you pull back for air. Both his hands cradle your face, his thumb rubbing across the apples of your cheeks.

“I still have a lot to learn y’know?” Jay breaks the silence. You laugh out loud, falling into his lap. 

“Same time next week then yeah?” He lets out a ‘hmm’ and watches you rest your head against his thigh, playing with the ends of your hair. ‘Maybe France could wait a little’ he thought. 

“Losty Aone” / “Losty Mountain Man🏔” Series:

Outtake Collection #15:

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A/N: last one! I hope you guys liked it and I’d love to hear your feedback! Thank you so much for reading and being on this Losty journey with meeee🥳💕💕💕

TABLE OF CONTENTS

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A Pair Of Broken-Hearted Losties Have To Pair Up For An Assignment 📚🤩

Over the next few weeks, at the advice of Kenji and Kogane, Aone avoided you at all costs 

Every morning he sat there thinking about you and trying to figure out what he did wrong.... ultimately feeling worse and worse

It was incredibly difficult seeing you around school, but if it is one thing Takanobu knew how to do it was make himself scarce when it came to you, so at least you’d be fine. After all, it took you two years to even notice his existence 

Aone decide to have lunch in the library now because you’d never go there by your own free will. 

He spent that time going over his own homework, or helping his two friends with theirs, or just staring out the window doing another type of math calculation: the heart wrenching attempt to calculate how in the world he convinced himself that you would settle for him when you could get any guy you want

He should be glad you even gave him a chance for a year.

To be honest, Every day was a struggle for Aone to get out of bed—even weeks later—but he did it because he kind of told himself in some weird pathetically twisted way that you’d find him more attractive if he did; if you saw him as someone who could withstand hurricaines.

At the advice of his friends, when Takanobu would see you in the halls, he’d just look away or walk faster…. Knowing that his heart wouldn’t kill him as much if he only moved rapidly

The only time that was truly difficult was in the class mountain man had with you— the same class you first noticed him in when he defended you against the class snitch—the class where you sat only two seats to his right. 

It took everything in mountain man not to stare at you for the entire hour like he’d grown so accustomed to doing, remembering how when you two were dating you’d wink at him when you caught him staring, making him blush profusely 

It literally took all of his concentration to stare ahead at the teacher or down, and even then he still slipped up and caught himself enamoured with your side profile and new found quietness, when before you were always chatty… then again whether you could probably speak alien and Aone would still be in love with you. 

When he failed to not be captivated by you at least once a day and glanced over at you, Aone kept falling in love over and over again. 

His best friend would kill him if he admitted it out loud but Aone couldn’t bring himself not to like you anymore simply because you didn’t like him. 

Besides, He’s been in this position before and it never wavered his emotions. Sure, he’s hurt—he is really hurt, but the heart knows what it wants.

You didn’t lose your beauty or perfection, simply because you didn’t want him: Go figure.

 His heart just couldn’t take the whirl of opposite emotions. Love and Hurt. Why did you have to be his dream girl? Why couldn’t he think about anything else but you? Why was his biggest dream in life to be your husband, still? This was torture. Pure torture. 

Before, Aone used to be sad about it, but when he caught himself staring at you in class and felt like his chest was empty of a heart because it had been shattered in pieces again, he had never been happier that graduation was right around the corner. 

At least in University, you wouldn’t be in his classes

Anyway, as usual, Kenji would meet Aone outside of that class everyday, and Kenji couldn’t help notice the look on Aone’s face whenever he left that class. It looked eerily and alarmingly similar to Aone’s face when he was standing in the snow that night. 

Fuck. 

Things got worse when the teacher announced assigned partners for this small project he wanted the students to work on as a major final project.

As luck would have it, Aone was randomly paired up with his heart & heartbreak: you. 

“Hi,” You said quietly as everyone including you swapped seats to sit next to their partners. 

Aone just nodded, not trusting his voice.... 

This was like some awful deja vu. 

he’s absolutely screwed 

His heart beat 5x faster than normal when you came closer, like always. Mountain man had to let his mind work overtime so that he didn’t just beg you to give him another chance 

He felt like the green school tie he was wearing was getting tighter by the second, and this was all so hard for him 

You surprisingly took the reins on this small school project, knowing from Kusa that your ex boyfriend wasn’t speaking much lately, which Aone decided he liked you more for. 

He was falling harder for the girl who broke his heart. How morbid is this? 

The deprecating thoughts persisted.

Yep, he is screwed for life. 

When you got answers wrong, Aone would point to it and shake his head kindly, offering his hand for the pencil and then starting to write the correct answers

When he looked down at the paper, you took this opportunity to take in the man’s gorgeous features…

his dark, broody demeanour on such a light palette of colours: the white of his hair, the beige of his skin, the light pink on his cheeks….You wanted to sigh. He really does look like Santa & Mrs. Clause’s son that models for GQ. 

Geez, Aone Takanobu is so...................sexy. 🤤

It had been so long that you’d been near him. 

All of your nights consisted of thoughts of him. But your days consisted of actively avoiding him, hoping that he let another girl in then hoping that he didn’t 

You cried basically every night.......and the only nights you didn’t was when you fell asleep on Group FaceTime with Katana and Kusa. 

You missed Aone with ever fibre of your being. But you were doing this for him. He would never break up with you, so you had to.

And while you had to fight back tears at school every time you saw him speaking to another girl because you didn’t know their relationship, all of that only made this moment to admire him when he wasn’t looking more crucial: you had to take advantage of this project and this temporary closeness that you’re basically addicted to. 

Because it may just be your last.

Instead of just staring at the background of your iPhone where there displayed a picture of Aone and Perdu, you took this chance to check out this incredibly attractive mountain man in the flesh:

Your eyes roamed unabashedly from the tip of his scribbling pencil over his long, beefy arms: obviously muscular even through his Date Teko jacket....

up to his broad shoulders that were perfect to hold on to during intimate time.....

your eyes cascaded over his neck where his Adam Apple bobbed and made you whisper ‘all man’ in your mind......

up to his pink lips that were pressed together in a straight line.

Those LIPS. YOU’D ALMOST FORGOTTEN. 😩😩😩

you couldn’t help but recall the force and passion behind those heavenly babies on your lips when he was gripping your hips and forcing you down on him in a successful attempt to cause friction on his erection...... 

Even though you were dead-set on putting Aone first like he deserved, just like he did for you all those years when he crushed on you— sticking to your guns about this breakup so that he could find someone better was absolutely the brutal. Oh god, did you miss him. And oh god, did you want him to grab you and fuck you silly just li—

“Y/N?” 

You were pulled out of your daze momentarily when those lips you were staring at called your name in question. 

Aone had finished writing down the answers at about the same time your eyes reached his neck on their little journey, and he’d been staring at you staring at him ever since. He realized you didn’t notice he caught you staring, because you probably would have looked away. But like the whipped man he is, even now, he purposely waited to stop you because he liked being stared at by you. It made his cheeks flare up like a cherry and his heart soar. Not to mention when you were staring at his arms, neck and neck you looked one way—but when your eyes stopped on his lips for longer than a minute something in your expression changed—and you were staring at him like: 

Which evidently made all the blood from poor Mountain Man’s cherry cheeks waterfall down to his groin. Maybe he had been misreading your look as one that communicated sex, but it was pretty hard to decipher now when his penis was screaming at him for months worth of negligence. Aone’s poor mind went straight to the gutter, wanting to take you and have you sit on his face for hours on end. Holy, shit, you can’t look at him like that! Takanobu had to stop you then, only because his urge to consensually bend you over this desk was getting way too strong way too quickly. He had to remind himself that you broke up with him because you don’t want that with him. So, he reluctantly called your name. 

The man had no clue that you would have wanted nothing more than to satisfy him right here and now.

“What? Me!? Ummm yes?!” 

“The bell just sounded. We did not get too much done today, but we can continue in class tomorrow. And perhaps meet up outside of class, if you are comfortable with that. We have all week to start.” 

All week...? You pretended to ask. So I can continue checking you out until my panties are wet tomorrow too....? Oh God. 

It took you a second for your thoughts to catch up to what Aone was actually was saying to you and not Dream-Aone. You forced an excited nod. “Oh. Okay, um.... tomorrow., then. Um, bye.” You smiled at him sheepishly, scurrying out of the class behind all the other students. 

***

Five minutes later, Aone remained seated there at his desk. The class was empty. It’s not like he could get up yet with how hard he was currently, anyway, so he was waiting until his member calmed down. When Futakuchi poked his head in the classroom because he was curious as to where his friend was, Aone groaned and threw his head back, covering his agonized face with both hands. 

“Uh oh. It’s Y/N, isn’t it? 😒” Futakuchi guessed while walking in slowly. Kenji did not need confirmation, but Aone nodded anyway. 

“What did she do this time? Talking to other guys in front of you?” 

Aone groaned and shook his head again, still covering his face with his hands. 

“……Oi, is she being a bitch? Giving you the cold shoulder or something?” 

Another groan and shake of the head from mountain man. 

“Wait. Don’t tell me she asked out another—“ 

“No.” 

“Then what is it! Why do you look like you’re about to sink down to the damn floor? What is Y/N doing?!” 

Aone spoke through his hands, his smooth voice muffled by his wrists. “She’s being beautiful. I have absolutely no self control around her, Kenji-san, she is the most attractive person I.have.ever.seen. And now we’re partners for the final project. I am so in love with her, and on top of that she—How can I ever get over a girl that looks like that?” 

Kenji rolled his eyes, annoyed, but a realist through-and-through.He figured right away the Y/N must have unintentionally turned Aone on in class. That would explain why he’s still sitting down with red cheeks.

Kenji sighed. “Yeah, I do wish Y/N wasn’t so hot. But I mean, you just have to do the project and then we are off to College together and she probably won’t get in with her grades—“

Speaking negatively about the love of Takanobu’s life was a sure fire way to get his erection to soften. Aone should thank his friend. But instead, he groaned once again, shaking his head. “Cheerleading... scholarship.” 

Futakuchi deadpanned. 

“.......Shit.” 

A nod. 

“When you look at her for the rest of this project, just imagine it’s like a dead squirrel or something. I can spam your phone with dead squirrel pics all class if that will help.” 

Aone sighed, finally removing his hands from his face and sitting upright. His response surprised Kenji, making it known to both of them that this breakup was going to be harder no pun intended than either of them thought. Aone still couldn’t get the visual of you checking him out seductively out of his head, and it was not only making him hard again, it was screwing with his hormones and emotions and just everything, FUCK.

“Send the photos, Futakuchi-san. Please. I have a feeling I will need all the dead squirrels I can get.” 

After weeks of feeling depressed, Aone was guiltily able get himself off that night. ✨

———————————

Mountain Man: The Sequel (Post-Nut Clarity) ✨💫

After mountain man arched his back, his entire body trembling due to force of yet another orgasm that had been waiting to be released for months, he discovered something. 

He doesn’t need Futakuchi and Kogane’s plane when you are simultaneously Aone’s destroyer and healer.

You are like no other girl he will ever meet in his life. This Aone knows for sure.

This is clear due to the fact that now that Aone is working alongside you for a project, he has been able to crawl out of depression the more time he spends with you, simply because your mere presence made him feel better. THAT says something.

Aone wants to be anything to you but a stranger. It’s the only way his heart stops aching and if all you can give him is a friendship after this project is over, then that was what he would willingly accept

Aone realized that even though he struck out the first time and failed to make you choose a life with him, he had nothing to lose if he tried again. 

He just had to prove to you that he’s deserving….somehow.

For years, Aone left his love life and his desire to be with you up to chance..... hopelessly pining after you and being way too shy to ever make a move until you did. 

But, tonight’s post-nut clarity changed everything. That old Aone who waited for you to make the first move was long gone. Now replaced by an Aone that goes for what he wants! 

And what he wants is you. 

***

The next morning, the K_nji’s were woken up by the amazing smell of breakfast wafting into their guest rooms at Aone’s house. 

They both drug their feet into the kitchen, Kenji tired - Kogane excited…. and they were flabbergasted by the scene they were greeted with. Their jaws dropped and their eyes widened like:

Standing there in his apron, whisking around the kitchen..... was their best friend—the same broken hearted best friend who rarely spoke the past few weeks, who rarely smiled, and who disappeared every chance he got to sulk in his room alone— that same best friend was making breakfast......and whistling. 

They’d never heard this giant whistle in their entire lives. 

“Aone-san…? Kenji whispered , rubbing the sleep out of his eyes, wondering if he was still dreaming. Upon hearing his name Aone had just noticed their presence, looking up and smiling only with his eyes. 

“Good morning! I made you both breakfast!” Mountain man greeted in a higher tone—still monotone— but the loudest they’d ever heard him speak with. 

Futakuchi stuttered. “Aone-san.... wha—why—?” 

Takanobu grunted and shrugged. 

“I thought I’d do something to commemorate the first day I...... well, the first day I put a plan I have in place.” 

“What plan, mom?!” Kogane asked, no longer shocked and digging into the rice. “This tastes amazing…”

Aone chuckled lowly, which is also so out of character for him! Futakuchi’s heart dropped because not only was this the fucking Twilight Zone, for the first time in his life the Justin Bieber look-alike is not able to read his best friend. Futakuchi tried hard, and came up with nothing. 

“What is this plan?” The brunette asked apprehensively.

Aone took a second to think about his wording before giving both friends a determined look. The blonde visibly stood straighter, speaking with conviction: 

“My plan to take charge of my love life for the first time in my life. In other words, grab a plate and allow me tell you both about my plan to.... to get the girl of my dreams back.” 

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Outtake #16: CLICK HERE!

Modern AU teaser under the cut. Let me know what y’all think!

“Ugggh” Eloise said, dropping her forehead onto the textbook that lay on the table in front of her. She looked at her phone, 10:30 on a Friday night and she was still in the library. “How did I get myself into this situation?” she raised her head and looked across the table at Penelope, “Pen, when I said ‘oh I think I’m going to get a master’s in English’, English of all things, why didn’t you talk me out of it?”

Penelope shifted her eyes from her laptop screen to Eloise without moving her head. “Because,” she began to reply, never once stopping her typing “I believe your exact words were ‘Pen, I’m going to grad school and there’s no way you can talk me out of it’.” 

“She’s right, El,” Edwina said not bothering to look up from her computer, “I have it on video.” 

“How many drinks had I had up to that point?” Eloise’s head was once again in her textbook making her words difficult to hear. “And was I aware at the time that I would have to read The Canterbury Tales again?”

“None and yes,” Penelope replied.

“Ugh,” Eloise repeated, “what are you two working on?” she wanted to distract herself from Chaucer for a moment,

“I’m writing a paper about the works and political activism of Susan Sontag,” Penelope answered.

“I’m writing a reflection on a trip I had to take to the Met,” Edwina stated, “so I’m attempting to be engaging about statues I have seen on what must be at least a hundred occasions.”

“Do you guys remember in undergrad when we used to do fun and interesting things on the weekends?” Eloise asked. 

“I don’t think that emptying 4 bottles of Barefoot Riesling and eating buffalo wings while watching Golden Girls re-runs could be deemed interesting in any sense of the word,” Penelope said, “plus, judging by the frequency with which Eddie’s phone has been vibrating, she certainly has an interesting weekend ahead of her,” she smirked.

Eloise’s head popped up in interest. Finally a distraction! “Are these texts from a gentleman?” she asked with a tone of overstated interest.

Edwina started to flush “Do you guys remember that TA I had last semester for my archaeology class?”

“The one who’s so smart and funny and cute and always replied to your e-mails right away?” Eloise replied, “I’m not sure if you mentioned him.”

Edwina’s eyes narrowed at Eloise’s teasing, “Well, we went out and got coffee the other week and we’ve been texting ever since, and long story short I think I’m going to marry him.”

“Marriage?” Eloise scoffed, “have you two even…?” she let her words trail off, but let a rude gesture with her hands finish the statement.

“I was being facetious,” Edwina replied, “and no, I haven’t slept with him,” she returned to typing just before adding, “Very ladylike hand gesture by the way.”

“Well, it’s a good thing I’ve never once tried to be ladylike in my life,” Eloise retorted.

“The blouse and pencil skirt you’re wearing at the library would state otherwise,” Penelope teased.

“Pen, you know I have to wear this when I tutor,” she shot back “apparently I have to look professional when I’m trying to help freshmen comp lit majors figure out what Candide is about.”

“What is Candide about?” Edwina asked.

“Hell if I know,” Eloise replied with a shrug. She looked back at her phone, “can we go home now?” she asked, “I hate walking through the park after 11.”

Penelope closed her computer, “I was about to suggest the same.”

As the 3 women walked out of the now-empty library Eloise spotted something on a bench in the vestibule between the library doors. It was a leather-bound notebook with a snap closure. Eloise couldn’t help but be curious, so she opened it.

“What on Earth are you doing El?” Penelope asked, “we are in New York City, god knows where that’s been!”

“Calm down Pen, it’s not street trash,” she replied. She opened to the first page of the notebook and read: property of Phillip Crane. If found, please contact [email protected]

Phillip got home and all but went straight to sleep. Well, first he thanked and said goodbye to his Aunt who had been kind enough to watch his children after their most recent nanny had quit.

It appeared that the final straw for the most recent young lady–in what seemed to be a revolving door of unfortunate women (and some men)– was when the twins had decided to put a layer of cream cheese on the deodorant that they found in her purse. Phillip was more bewildered by his children’s antics than anybody, but even he had to admit that someone who decided to pursue a career in child care ought to be made of sterner stuff. 

But today had been a long day, and he needed to sleep before he went back to the lab tomorrow. He peaked his head into Oliver and Amanda’s room to make sure they were asleep. Or, if not asleep, not causing trouble. Then he went to his room and simply fell face down on the bed.

Phillip woke up the next morning to his alarm at 6 am in the clothes he had worn the day previous. He cursed under his breath, he was planning to wear that pair of khakis again today, but now they were all wrinkled and so was his shirt. Phillip went out into the kitchen and started making coffee when he heard a small voice from behind him.

“Daddy, you’re not going to wear those clothes to work are you?” He turned around to see Amanda in her pajamas. 

“Don’t I look good?” Phillip joked with her.

“You look like you slept in your clothes,” she said flatly, moving a chair to the side of the cabinet to reach for the cereal that was a bit too high for her to reach on her own. 

“That’s just the look I was going for,” he smiled and took a sip of his coffee, “do you want me to pack your lunch for you?” he asked. He didn’t have to be at the lab until 9:00 this morning. 

“No thanks,” Amanda said passing him to get milk from the refrigerator, “Me and Oliver packed our lunches last night.”

Phillip felt his stomach knot. He was proud that both of his children were self-sufficient, but he hated the fact that they had to be. Ever since their mother died–and frankly, before–they had needed to be like little adults, in spite of being 8 years old. Phillip tried the best he could to be a good dad to them, but working toward a Ph.D. and having the pressure of a research fellowship on one’s shoulders made active fathering somewhat difficult. 

“What did you pack, is it healthy?” Phillip asked, trying to make up for his dead-beat ways.

“Sandwich, apples, yogurt, and cheez-its,” she said matter of factly “I don’t know what Oliver put in his.”

As if on cue Oliver walked into the kitchen, rubbing the sleep from his eyes, “I made the same thing but with chips instead of yogurt, because yogurt is gross.” He joined his sister at the countertop and poured cereal into a bowl that Amanda had already set out for him.

“Alright, kids, what’s on the schedule for today?” Phillip said, putting down his coffee, “anything after school that I should let Aunt Gertie know about?”

“I have piano right after school,” Amanda stated.

“And I have a hockey game at 5,” Oliver said with a mouth full of cereal, “can you come, Dad?”

Phillip’s heart sank, he knew he probably wasn’t going to be able to make it, but he decided to try and humor his son anyway. 

“Let me check my book,” he said walking over to his bag. He looked in the brown satchel to find that he couldn’t find the familiar brown leather datebook.

“Shit,” he whispered under his breath, “shit shit shit shit shit.”

“Are you okay dad?” Oliver asked, once more with his mouth full.

“Yes,” Phillip said with a sigh “I just can’t find my datebook.”

Phillip grabbed his phone to check the schedule he tried to maintain electronically and saw that he had an e-mail.

Dear Mr. Crane,

Hello! I just wanted to contact you because I believe I found your datebook outside the library last night. At least, this is the e-mail that was written to contact in case it was found. What is the best way that I can return it to you? I know I’m personally lost without my planner. Let me know how I can get it back to you and I will be sure to do so ASAP.

Sincerely,

Eloise Bridgerton, B.A.

Student | NYU Graduate School of Arts & Science

(212)995-3422

P.S. I suppose I should ask you to describe it, just to make sure I’m handing it off to the right person. Once you’ve done that I will promptly return it to you.

Dad?

Reblog from Takeover Tales

I spent the weekend with my dad’s who had grown a lot since I last saw him. Isn’t he the one who is supposed to tell me that? His body mass was much larger and now he looked like he could kick my ass while sitting. It didn’t bother me, I kind of liked it. You see, my parents got a divorce after my dad started acting a little strange and that was about three years go. I hadn’t seen him since. It’s almost as if he appeared out of nowhere after disappearing out of my life.

My mother dropped me off outside, failing to build up enough courage from the drive to come in and at least say hello. I didn’t blame her, she had been through a lot and I wasn’t going to give her any more shit than she deserved. That was very little. I stood outside with my bag hung over my shoulder and my book bag leaning against my leg. I pulled the strap over my body and walked right up to the door. Without hesitation, the door opened and I was greeted by a bear of a man. This was my father.

“Dad?” I asked, he looked nothing like he used to but I could still see it in his face. I think it was the nose because it was the same as mine.

“Yeah. I would hope so. Look at you! Man do we have some catching up.” He grabbed my bags and then placed them on the sofa. Beyond the foyer we passed an office with an executives desk placed in the center and an apple computer’s apple light glowing in the dark. I could make out various office items such as books leaning against each other underneath a lamp and a cup filled with mechanical pencils, each one with a brand new eraser. To the right there was the door that lead to the garage. As we moved along we reached a hallways leading to the guest bedroom which belonged to me for the weekend and the guest bathroom at the end which was beach themed with bowls of shells on shelves and sand dollar soaps. We reached the kitchen and living room combo after the hallway and the roof grew immensely, a giant fan centering the ceiling. The marble counter tops reflected the light from the center of the fan and there were pots and pans filled with the meal for the evening. In the living are, two sofas faced each other with a table in the center, a vase with orange flowers was a nice addition. On the wall was an abstract orange painting with streaks of paint thrown across the canvas. The dining room matched the dark wood of the kitchen cabinets and down the center was a fabric accent with orange stripes and on top of it was a bowl or oranges. Behind the table was the view of the backyard with its green grass and carefully placed lawn chairs. The master bedroom wasn’t for my eyes.

“It smells great!” I let the aroma of the spinach and cheese pasta fill my nose as he pulled it off. The Asiago cheese was gooey as he set the table and the sound of water pouring into my glass made me smile.

“So, how have you been. I know that the last time I saw you we weren’t really on good terms.” He took a sip of water before placing a piece of ravioli in his mouth, a single strand of cheese stretching from plate to lips.

“Well, you weren’t on good terms with mom but I’ve been busy. I got into Yale and I will be going this fall.” I sipped to the accomplishments.

“Yale? Wow. When I was al…well, I’m proud of you.” He smiled. It was still odd seeing his face work since it was a bit rounder. His skin moved differently.

“I’m also gay.” I tried to avoid eye contact as I put a ravioli in my mouth. If he yelled at me it would give me something to do while I listened. In fact, I would have just chewed it and ignored his torment.

“Interesting.” He smiled.

“Yeah.” I gulped down the cheese and looked at him. He wasn’t going to yell or maybe I had spoken too soon?

“You aren’t going to be treated differently.” He said. I found out that weekend was that what he really meant was: “I’m not going to beat you or scream like other dads but that doesn’t mean I won’t do other things.”

I was in bed when I heard the whispers. We had just finished watching a movie together and as the credits rolled past I yawned, cuing us to sleep. I followed the whispers past the kitchen with its spacious cooking area and the dining room with its orange accents and to the crack in the master bedroom door. There was a perfect view of the bed which had my father sprawled out on top of it. His cock was erect and flowing out from it was a white cloud, coming together just above his body. My dad’s back was arched as this white mist flew out of him and then he fell back onto the comforter as it started to turn into what looked like a human being. Then the guess was confirmed, floating above my father was the ghostly form of a burly man.

“Man, I can’t wait to screw your son. I Just have to figure out how to let him let me.” He was talking to himself as he floated around the room. My father snored on the bed and rolled to get comfortable. “Oh no you don’t.” He shoved himself back into my father’s erect cock, causing him to arch his back once more. His hands wrapped themselves up in the blankets as he grabbed them, moaning and writhing as this spirit took his body. He took control quickly, I could tell from the way he looked at his hands. “Man, you’re one hot fucking catch. Three years of shaping you to be the perfect host and now you fit like a glove.” He patted his stomach and then rolled over. I waited quietly trying to listen to him and then I heard his snoring and took that as a reason to leave.

The following morning I received a text in my phone, the vibrations on the wood causing me to wake up. I groggily looked at the photo and it was my father. He was only wearing underwear and had his arm above his head. He was posing for me. For a second I almost passed off the previous night as a dream but the moment I saw the picture I knew that he wasn’t my dad. He quickly came into my room to apologize for that and made up this story about how it was supposed to go to someone he had been dating or whatever but I saw right through that bullshit.

“You can stop acting. I know it’s not you in there.”

“What?”

“I know you’re a ghost or something.” I could see his cock pressing against the inside of his pajama pants and then I felt my own beginning to grow.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“You can pretend all you want but I saw you last night. Not you my dad but the you that can float in and out of his body. ‘Like a glove’ is what you said, I think.” I was desperately trying to hide my boner from him.

“Aha. You sneaky bastard. I knew I liked you the moment I saw you.” He sat down on the bed and I moved over to make room.

“So, what do you want?” I asked.

“I’ve gotten everything I wanted. I’m living again and your dad is the perfect body. You think so too.” He reached over and touched the tenting blanket. I tried to pull away but he grabbed it and I cringed. It felt good.

“Stop.”

“You like it. If you didn’t you wouldn’t have popped one the moment you saw me.”

“I don’t think that’s how that works.”

“C’mon, son. You want it.” He had started crawling over me, his heavy body causing the bed to have an even bigger indention. I could feel the heat of his own cock and he pushed himself against me, his bulge rubbing against my own. He repeated this and then lowered his face to mine, kissing me passionately. I didn’t refuse and instead of pushing him away I reached up and pulled him in. He ripped off the blanket and pulled off everything that I was wearing, almost ripping it because of his strength. It was easy for my to push off his bottoms with my leg and I felt his massive meat land just above my own. I chuckled as he smiled and then he forcibly flipped me over. I used the pillow to muffle my screams as he plowed me with his rod, slamming me into the headboard as he penetrated my hole. He rhythimcally fucked me in the guest bedroom and he grabbed my hair like he was riding me like an animal. I grabbed at the pillow pressing it harder and harder, biting into the cotton to keep me from screaming. It felt amazing as he rammed me with his cock and out of the combination of happiness and pain, a tear dropped onto the pillow case.

“Oh fuck YES!” I screamed finally. I couldn’t hold it any longer.

“Your hole is so tight it feels fucking amazing.” He grunted and I tightened just to milk it out of him. I moaned as I started to push myself away from the headboard to keep myself from hitting it and I could feel his pulsating cock being to blow. He filled me up with his sweet fluid and let out a roar as he came. The thrusts slowed down and eventually he pulled out. I rolled over and curled up into him, his hairy body laid out before me. I circled his nipple with my finger and he used his arm to bring me in for a kiss. We laid there blissfully and I almost wanted to smoke a cigarette like most people do in the movies but instead, I kissed him this time.

“You can keep my dad. I wasn’t a big fan of him before anyways. I was too scared to come out of the closet and he were in control he probably would have kicked my ass.”

“If it makes you feel any better he would have. I could feel it.” He tapped his forehead.

“It does make me feel better.” I curled back up into him and I didn’t want this weekend to end.

Well, it did. Yale was coming up and I wasn’t going to be seeing my dad as often so I was going to have to fill up the rest of the summer with him. My mom didn’t mind and my dad definitely didn’t mind.

A little push (Shifty Powers x Reader)

Ask: Can I request a Shifty fic where theyre both super duper shy and instead one of the boys have to be like wingmen and push them to finally confess to each other. 

a/n: I might have written this at 2 am but I swear I loved writing it so much. My love for shifty is infinite, anyway thank you and I hope you enjoy!

Tag List: @gottapenny @wexhappyxfew @bandofmarvels @medievalfangirl @starryrevelations

Geroge Luz was well aware of the company’s medic and her humongous school crush on Darrell “Shifty” Powers. Y/n y/l/n known as the very shy medic, often only speaking when it was necessary, was caught many times by Geroge staring at Shifty from across the room. Smiling to herself and blushing at the mention of is name. 

It all started back in Toccoa when George Luz caught both of them smiling at each other sheepishly, looking away and then again at each other. A blush on both of their cheeks, however, y/n was better at hiding that goofy smile of hers. Shifty, however, was an utter mess, right then, and there, Luz furrowed his brows and looked around to see if anyone else had witnessed whatever had happened. “What the fuck.” 

*

From that moment forward, Luz decided to help y/n out with her silly crush, as one of her closest friends, he felt as if he had a duty to push her closer to Shifty. The only problem was that Shifty was just as shy as she was. 

“—help with what?” Y/n stuffed the bandages in her small medic bag, George only rolled his eyes as he watched the poor girl trying to stuff as many supplies as she could. A cigarette dangled from his lips as he dreaded the thought of having to re-explain everything all over again. 

“C’mon y/n, you two kids would make a marvelous couple!” George jokingly cheered clapping his hands making y/n jump slightly dropping a small tube of ointment onto the floor of the aid station. “Shifty’s a hell of a kid,” y/n rolled her eyes and knelt to pick up the ointment.

“I like him, but not like that,” she spoke strained as she reached for the ointment under the small table. 

“Ooh, here he comes!” The sudden phrase, making her fumble and drop the tube again, as she lifted herself from the position she was in, the only hit her head on the table and fell backward onto the floor of the aid station. 

“It’s just me, kid,” the voice coming from none other than Joe Toye, who came into vision, both him and George giving her a hand to help her up. “This about her gigantic crush on Powers?” He asked as y/n stood up, sighing as she reached up to press on the tender spot on her head. George gave an “uh-huh” to respond to Joe’s question; Joe only shook his head and clicked his tongue.

“You were saying y/n?” Y/n groaned softly and shook her head, realizing that she indeed had a crush on Shifty, and it was a huge crush. She took her bottom lip, in between her teeth, and sighed.

“All you need is a little push,” Joe used his hands to signal a small push, y/n turned to him and gave him a small smile as a thank you. Joe gave her a little wink before feeling a punch on his shoulder.

“what she needs is a shove,” George called before walking out of the aid station, leaving both y/n and Joe shocked. Joe only sighed and placed a hand on her shoulder as a sign of reassurance. 

*

George tried time after time to get her to make a move; it came down to threatening her with taking her medical supplies. However, Roe overheard and instead gave him a talk about how short they were. Y/n standing next to Eugene the whole time trying to hold back her giggles. 

But later, Roe understood as to why Geroge had threatened her. He called over to y/n who was supposed to be counting their supplies; instead, she leaned on the doorway of the small building. Watching Shifty and Tab playfully shoving each other, her eyes filled with nothing but adoration. Roe turned to George in question; he only gave him a small shrug and a sigh of defeat. It was as if Roe himself could hear the pounding of her heart against her ribcage, a goofy smile on her face as she bit her bottom lip. Her eyes never leaving the sight of the Virginian boy, who was too oblivious as to what he did to the poor girl.

“y/l/n you're drooling,” Roe’s smooth cajun accent snapping her out of her gaze, causing her to snap her head towards the medical supplies in her hands. George only shook his head and continued fixing his radio, as Roe shook his head in disbelief. 

“Am not,’’ she protested as she used the back of her hand to wipe the non-existent drool off her mouth. Geroge was chuckling as she did so as she gave one last gaze towards the boy outside of the building, which gave her a small wave. This time Roe witnessed the whole thing, the second she brought her hand up to wave back, a toothy smile appeared on her reddened face. Turning away, she giggled to herself as she went back to counting the supplies. She looked up from the supplies to see both Eugene and George watching her with expressions of disbelief written all over their faces. “What?’’

“My God, Y/n.’’ Eugene started, still in disbelief as to what he just witnessed. George threw his head back and laughed at Eugene’s reaction. “My God…’’ he trailed off as he carried the crate of supplies out of the small house. Y/n confused as to what he meant, she looked towards George for some clue, but instead, he continued to laugh himself.

*

Geroge mentally and physically face palmed whenever she tried actually to make a move. She would smile and wave at him ever so awkwardly— Shifty nervously and awkwardly returning the greeting. Both of them just staring at each other with goofy smiles on their faces, all resulting in y/n red as a tomato. Shifty fumbling and dropping whatever he was holding. George only watched with nothing but pure agony.  A hand over his mouth, trying his best not to scream. 

The situation was bad. To the point in which George had to ask someone to help, he turned to Muck and Malarkey. In the heat of the moment, it seemed like a good idea. Hours after explaining the situation at hand, George found both of the boys— along with Penkala and Roe as an audience, in a barn lecturing y/n. Poor y/n who sat on an apple crate listening attentively to muck and Malark ramble on.

“—and that’s how you’ll win him over,” Muck finished, taking a bow as y/n furrowed her brows and looked over at Penkala, who clapped his hands. Roe, however, was just as confused and disturbed by the presentation given. Gene was sending her a small shrug, not knowing himself if the information was correct or not. George only walked in and heard the little commotion, a scared y/n looking for help.

* 

When it came time to put the knowledge she had gained from Malarkey and Mucks five minute presentation, she was more nervous than anything. The five boys hid behind a tree, prepping her by giving her compliments and fixing the nest her hair was in. Muck adding a dainty dandelion over her ear as Roe patted her on the shoulder. George still not knowing what she was about to do. Until Penkala pulled a pencil out of his pocket.

“You don’t want to forget your weapon!” He whispered, handing the pencil over to her, y/n taking it into her fingers. She turned to the small field shifty was alone in, too concentrated on cleaning out his M-1. Her heart pounded against her chest as she realized that she was about to make a fool out of her self.

“You got this, all you have to do is drop the pencil” Malarkey explained as he placed his hands on the girl's shoulders. George furrowed his brows and opened his mouth to speak.

“This is a bad idea,” he spoke, no one paying attention, but Roe, who looked at him dead in the eye and slowly nodded. Y/n sighed deeply and closed her eyes, pumped full of adrenaline and ready to initiate something with the shy boy.

“Wait! What if he wants to kiss me? I don’t know how to kiss!” She froze turning to the boys who all looked at each other, George facepalming and groaning, Muck slowly turning to him and smacking his arm. Y/n opening her mouth to speak again, but instead, Muck pushed her.

“It probably won’t get to that, just focus on the pencil y/n” Muck encouraged, patting her shoulder. “Go get ‘em tiger.” 

And then y/n made her way towards the field where shifty sat alone. Her heart pounding harder and harder with every step she took. Until she was close enough to Shifty, the five boys behind the tree watching attentively.

“I call being the godfather of their first child,” Muck whispered as they all watched her greet Shifty; he set his gun aside and turned his attention to y/n, who nervously tapped the pencil to her side. 

“Twenty dollars they get married in three years,” Malarkey whispered, making Penkala chuckle, they watched as both shifty and y/n smiled and continued their conversation. George was trying to figure out what they were conversing about. “I can’t hear what they’re saying” 

“I can’t read lips, but I think she just said something about soup” Muck spoke up, Roe only closed his eyes and sighed deeply as he attentively watched along. “What does a godfather do?”

“I don’t know Muck shut up,” Penkala hushed as they waited for the moment they were all waiting for. Y/n turning towards the tree, seeing all of them urging her to drop the pencils taking a deep breath, she did so— without making it too visible, of course. Malarkey was very specific about that. The boys all chuckled and watched on with wide smiles on their faces as she continued to proceed with the plan. She bent over to pick it up, and her bottom pointed to Shifty. But then, as she bent down shifty lunged forward to pick it up. She was sending y/n to the floor and Shifty on top of her. A string of giggles were heard coming from the young medic, followed by a snort.

“Ohhhh,” the boys behind the tree all repeated as they watched the whole thing unfold. George turned around and holding his mouth with his left hand trying his best not to scream. Roe was only closing his eyes tightly, Muck and the others watching as to what was happening. 

“Why are they just... what’s?” Malarkey trailed off, his eyes glued on the scene. Both y/n and shifty not moving. Instead, they stayed like that for a few minutes. Until Roe gasped and pointed towards the stage, y/n’s arms wrapped around shifty’s neck, pulling him down towards her.

“They’re kissing!” Muck gasped, making George turn around, and he couldn’t believe it. After months of trying to help y/n, he finally did it— with the help of course.

“My God, she did it,” George spoke in disbelief as he watched the scene unfold. The boys quietly cheered as both shifty and y/n continued to lay on the field. However, they had decided that watching from afar had become a tad bit creepy and instead turned around.

“Should we get them off each other? What if they make a baby? Oh god—“ Muck spoke in a panic, George only shook his head and pushed the boys far away from the scene. 

“Fifty bucks they get married once the wars over,” Roe called out as they walked towards the street of the small town. The boys all agreeing and talking amongst themselves, as George Luz high fived himself for his hard work.

The Assistant / Chapter Twenty-Three, “Bleeding Heart”

hello hello. i’m so sorry that i’m an awful person and i haven’t written in a bahillion years. life has been wack and i fell out of writing for awhile. instead of doing homework like a good human being - yay! - i found this chapter i had started and i finished it. it’s not as long as usual, i know, but i did that on purpose and you’ll see why ;) ;) ;) ;) i hope i can write some more soon and stick with this. i’m unreliable i know and i’m terribly sorry. college and work are crazy and my mom was just diagnosed with 2 kinds of cancers soooo oooo life truly is crazy and overwhelming rn. i hope to maybe set aside some time each night to write, but it’s hard to stop when it’s getting fun haha. i enjoyed writing this chapter and delving more into this story, like idek where it’s gonna go haha.

anyways lemme know what you think of this chapter. i wanna hear your predictions and thoughts!!!!!!!!! reblog, like, share with friends, say hi to me :) 

one last thing. we should decide a ship name for harry and becks, i mean it’s been coming. here are my ideas and feel free to send me others :D 

a) hecks (my personal fav) 

b) barry (i just think of rachel’s barry from FRIENDS but it’s ok) 

c) hebecca????

d) ??????

e) hecky?

“No. No. No. No. No. NO. NO. NO.

I try to breathe in, but I can’t.

And suddenly the switch inside of me changes. Instead of pushing him away for the last few weeks, I want him. I want him to come and save me. 

The laugh that falls from my lips surprises the both of us. “You can’t hurt me anymore.” 

The swarm of voices that crowded my ears from before is now gone. A soft chatter of voices occupies the conference room now, around an hour after the festivities had begun. Now the fun is over and the last few of us clean up the forgotten plates, take down the streamers donning the walls, push in the chairs, vacuum up the crumbs, and everything else required to return the room to its former glory. 

“Hey, you stop that,” somebody says from behind me. “This was yer party, yer not s’posed to be cleaning it up,” they finish as I turn around to find Harry pushing a lock of hair out of his eyes as he grasps a wet rag in the other hand. 

“No, I want to help. Please,” I reply, turning back to the table and picking up the spray bottle. I spritz the plastic top and run the wet rag over the spot, repeating in sections until I finish the table. 

“Fine, I guess you can help,” Harry huffs and I smile to myself in triumph as I return to my cleaning. “So, what did ya think?” 

“It was a lot of fun and very nice of all of you, thank you so much again,” I tell him trying to circumvent having a conversation. I move to the other end of the table as he begins on the next one over. 

A few male coworkers fold up the table to my left and carry it out the door, probably to place back in storage. My eyes life to find Harry leaning over the table he scrubs and he must notice my pause because he meets my eyes. But I can’t look at him, not today. 

“I’m glad ya had such a good time, ‘m sure everybody else did too . . Everybody’s going t’ miss ya, ya know,” he comments, and I nod with a small smile. I don’t know how much more of this awkward small talk I can put up with, especially as the domino that caused all of this is gnawing at my insides. Particularly the part where he could have stopped it coming to this. 

But he didn’t.  

The rest of the clean up consists of few words between Harry and I, or anybody else for that matter. We cleaned tables, folded them and carried them away, stacked chairs, vacuumed, packed things away, and carried more things away. The room was now bleak with its new emptiness and quiet, all of the people previously filling it returning to their lives. Luckily I found my escape shortly after the room was all squared away. 

“All done?” a voice asks me. I look over my shoulder and find Asher tying up a bloated garbage bag. My stomach drops all of a sudden with disappointment at who it is, and who it’s not. 

“Yep.” I nod. Then I feel bad for being disappointed. Oh it’s just a never-ending rollercoaster, isn’t it?

“I can’t believe you helped clean up. The whole point was having other people do stuff for you, and then you helped them?!” Asher laughs with a disbelieving shake of his head. He happens to pull a giggle from my unsure lips. I sheepishly nod at his words, and I give him another laugh when he almost trips over the garbage bag. 

“Are you on your way out now?”

“Yeah, I think so. I just have to drop off some last-minute things - keys and keycards, that sorta thing. But now I can’t find the person to give them to . . ,” I confess, losing my words as I scan the room for those green eyes and that mustard top. 

“Hmmmph, well it’s getting late. Maybe he left or had something. You could leave them with Myles or Jennings, I’m sure if you wanna get outta here. I know you’re just dying to get those drinks with me tomorrow,” Asher quips, turning my lips up with his words. 

I leave him with a few words, telling him I’ll see him later. I say goodbyes to a few people as I leave the conference room and begin my hunt to find Harry. One I’m not sure how I want to end. 

I find my desk empty and many others as well. Glancing at my watch, I find that the hours have flown by. Many people jetted out of here as it’s five o'clock on a Friday afternoon. The cushion welcomes me as I sit down in my chair for the last time, but I don’t miss its welcoming squeak. The squeaking continues as I spin my last spin in the chair, feeling hot tears at the back of my eyes at the finality of my actions. My mug of pencils- no, it’s not my mug anymore. It never was mine. 

A polar bear post-it note holder invades my -not my desk - along with framed pictures of strangers, a bright pink day planner, candy apple lotion, and other foreign objects belonging to the new owner of this desk. Who isn’t me. A long sigh leaves my lips as I release my hands I didn’t know I was clenching. 

“It’s now or never,” I say aloud, willing myself to stand. 

Okay, Becky, we can do this. This isn’t even the hard part. 

But it is, I think to myself as my eyes glance up and memories that took place at this desk spin through my head. Making Harry laugh for the first time. Silly arguments with him about which was the better movie. How easily he made me smile by bringing me coffee out of nowhere and- Stop, Becky, you can’t do this now, I tell myself as I swipe a hot tear away from under my eye. I exhale as I get to my feet and feel for the ring of keys in my pocket. Good, they’re still there. 

The hallway is dim, but the light from the London evening comes in through the many windows around the office. His hallway. A hallway I will never walk again. Fuck, am I really sure I want to do this? How can I not see him again? You can and you will. You have to, Becky. It was too hard sitting there day after day wanting him. And him not wanting you back. I nod to myself, trying to affirm those words to myself. They don’t do that good of a job, because of the person I see around the corner. 

“Oh hey, bug. A-are ya leavin’?” Harry stutters, his furrowed emerald eyes falling on me. He comes to a stop in front of me, running a hand through his mop of curls. 

“U-uh yeah. I was just going to drop off the keys with you and go over a few things.” 

“Yeah yeah, sounds good. I jus’ really gotta take a leak, so ‘ll be back in a minute, ‘kay?” He asks with a pat on my arm. I nod with a soft ‘okay,’ as I turn to watch him walk away. Nodding with a thumbs up, he gives me a small sad smile before turning around and walking down the hallway. I watch until he’s gone. 

Almost done. But now for the hard part. Leaving him for the last time, I contemplate with a pout. I shuffle my feet to his door and twist the knob. Immediately, his familiar woodsy scent hits me. Suddenly, all of my senses are inundated with him. His messy desk. His blazer draped over his chair. Bookmarked biographies dotting his desk. Empty mugs of tea taking up empty spots. The essential oil diffuser in the corner humming as it mists Sandalwood. Bach’s Cello Suite No. 1 trickling from a Bluetooth speaker in the corner. Harry. It’s all him. And my reserves begin to fall. Can I really do this? No, there’s no way I can. Even if I have to sit at that desk day after day trying to love him, it’s better than leaving him. 

Yeah, and then what about when he marries Amber or somebody else that’s not you? 

I gulp, trying to get rid of the lump in my throat and at the same time pressing my fingers against my eyes, willing them to dry. 

“Wow, are we getting a little teary-eyed on our last day?” a voice snarks from behind me. 

No. No. No. No. No. NO. NO. NO. 

I try to breathe in, but I can’t. 

And suddenly the switch inside of me changes. Instead of pushing him away for the last few weeks, I want him. I want him to come and save me. To save me from her. And to see her for the monster that she is. 

The laugh that falls from my lips surprises the both of us. “You can’t hurt me anymore, Amber,” I snap, turning around to face her with a wry smile coating my lips. 

“Oh I don’t know about that, I still can. But hey, I won, and don’t you forget that,” she retorts. Amber’s blonde curls shake as she stomps her foot and points a tanned manicured finger at me. How can he even comfortably hold hands with those daggers?

Her blow hits me, and she knows it. I can’t hide it, because I’ve lost it. The last few weeks or even months have taken everything from me. My grandpa dying, my mom’s abusive treatment towards me, Harry’s bipolarness, and Amber’s physical and mental attacks. I lost.

“I don’t care,” I croak, throwing up my hands in defeat. The keys on the ring twinkle with movement in my hand. 

“But you do! I know you do!” she cackles, excitement twisting her plastic face into a Cheshire grin. “You wanted him, but you couldn’t have him and so you gave up! I won!” Amber continues, stepping towards me in her flowy scarlet blouse and skin-tight black jeans. 

I instinctively step back and away from her, but I stop when I think I hear a noise. It’s a loud squeak on the floor that makes me stop, but it doesn’t stop right away. 

“I don’t care, Amber, you can have him! I told him what you did to me and he didn’t believe me because of whatever spell you put on him. So you can keep him and live a wonderful, happy life together. I don’t care anymore, and I hate that I ever did,” I announce with weight to my words, willing my feet to lift from the carpet, but they won’t. 

Amber chuckles, crossing her arms with a pleased smile of satisfaction painting her face. “I can’t believe you had the nerve to tell him what I did to you,” she mutters in disbelief, shaking her head. “As if Harry would believe that I’d do such a thing. He probably thinks you made it up. Hell, for all I know I never laid a finger on you and you just imagined the whole thing.” 

“You left marks on me, Amber,” I spit out through gritted teeth. 

“Yeah, and apparently that wasn’t even enough to convince Harry. God, I really do have him wrapped around my finger,” Amber sighs happily. “I can’t do anything wrong in his eyes. He hasn’t even noticed how much I’ve been gone lately, or how often I’ve been texting this new bloke I’m fucking on the side.” 

“You slut!” I exclaim, not being able to hold it in. “Harry loves you and would do anything for you! He built this firm from the ground up! He’s sweet, he’s kind, he’s giving, he’s funny- he’s amazing and that’s how you treat him?!” 

“Excuse me?! Who here was throwing themselves at my boyfriend right in front of me?!” Amber argues, taking another frightening step toward me. She’s no longer laughing, but instead, her drawn-on eyebrows have fallen into a point above her glassy stare. 

“How dense are you?!” I laugh, feeling the anger rise warmly in my chest. I really don’t care anymore. “You have such a huge problem with that - which never happened, thank you - but you think it’s okay to cheat on your boyfriend?! My god, you really are fucking dumb!” 

“You just had your last laugh, bitch, because I’m going to slap that smug smile right off your face,” she snarls, taking several steps before I can almost see the flames rising in her eyes. 

“No, you won’t!” a voice announces. 

I take my eyes off of Amber to see who said that, but it’s a second too long that lets her clawed hand accost my face. 

left behind

peter parker x reader

summary: you begin to feel neglected when peter parker is introduced to the avenger family, and you’ve had enough of it.

“I just don’t wanna be left behind.”

word count: 3.9k

warnings: just some angst & a breakdown 

a/n: hehehe a bit of a longer blurb w/ some angst for y’all ;)))) lmk what ya think!!

masterlist

You could still remember the days when Cap would patch up your scraped knees, giving them the magic ‘feel better’ kisses before telling you to be more careful next time. Sometimes, Nat would give you little lessons on how to fight like her, never growing impatient with your repetitive mistakes and general inability to catch onto her complex moves. Clint would even ruffle your hair and watch a movie every Friday night, always letting you choose (no matter how many times you requested Cinderella.)

Tony might’ve been your biological father, but the truth was, the whole team was your family. You loved your dad, and there was no doubt about it: he was a pretty damn good one. But you were basically the child of all of the avengers, and they never failed to show you how much they loved you. They’d help you with your homework, boy problems, and pretty much anything a teenager could ever need advice on; most importantly, they made you feel important and loved when you needed it the most.

But everything changed when a certain bug-boy came into the picture.

One day when you were sitting on the couch with Bruce discussing a tricky math problem, Tony waltzed in with a young, curly-haired boy trailing closely behind him. He looked about your age and a nervous smile graced his face when you locked eyes.

“Guys, this is Peter,” Tony introduced you to him and he waved awkwardly.

“H-Hi.”

“Peter, this is my daughter, Y/N,” he pointed to you before shifting his gaze towards Bruce, “I’m sure you already know who Doctor Banner is. Big green guy, can have a bit of a temper-”

“Tony,” Bruce warned, nodding at Peter with a soft smile.

“Aright, alright,” Tony patted the kid’s shoulder, “I’m gonna finish showing the new blood around. You two have fun.”

You couldn’t stop staring at Peter and his slightly pink cheeks as he turned to leave. After all, you were curious. It was rare to see high school aged kids in the compound, let alone ones as cute as Peter.

“Earth to Y/N…” Bruce waved his hand in front of your face, smiling when you jumped back in surprise.

‘Huh?” your cheeks heated as you scrambled to grab your pencil, “Oh yeah, uh, the math problem…”

As the weeks went on, you began to see more and more of Peter, his face popping up almost everywhere you went. Whether it be grabbing lunch in the kitchen, or taking the elevator down to the lobby, Peter was there, giving you shy side glances and small smiles. If you were being honest, it was pretty nice at first. After all, you never really got to hang out with kids your age, because it was too dangerous for you to go to a public school.

But your relationship with Peter forever changed after you got stuck in the elevator together one afternoon. Tony was rebooting FRIDAY, and in his usual fashion, forgot to inform pretty much anybody of the temporary shutdown. This left you and Peter alone in the elevator for roughly an hour. The first few minutes were awkward, which was to be expected; but after those few minutes… it felt like a spark went off. Conversation erupted, laughter filling the air as the two of you exchanged jokes and anecdotes. Whether it be meme references or results of scientific experiments, you covered it all.

From that point on, you and Peter were inseparable, doing practically everything together. There was no doubting it; he was your best friend. (And if you were being completely honest with yourself, there were probably some underlying feelings that were a bit more… romantic.)

Everything was smooth sailing for a while, uncontrollable laughter filling the corridors wherever the two of you went. Of course, you had your ups and downs, but nothing too serious ever kept you apart for more than a day. It was an ongoing joke at the tower that the two of you were attached at the hip. Hell, Peter even began to come along with you to some of your family activities. After all, he was practically family now.

But nothing that’s perfect lasts for long.

Things started to fall apart on a normal Friday night. It was 8:32pm, and you’d just popped some popcorn in preparation for your and Clint’s weekly movie night. But when you stepped into the room, the sounds of laughter already filled the air, a movie playing as background noise to the conversation. Peter and Clint were sitting on the couch, throwing pieces of popcorn at each other in a playfully competitive way.

“What’re you guys doing?” you blurted out, somewhat shocked by the whole situation.

Peter and Clint snapped their heads in your direction, Peter’s face lighting up upon seeing you. “Oh, hey Y/N!” he chirped, flashing you a happy smile, “Clint and I were just watching a movie… or at least trying to…” he giggled, gesturing towards the popcorn bowls, “Wanna join?”

“Oh. Uh…” you paused, a little unsure of what to do. In all honesty, you didn’t really know how to react to the scene laid out before you; you didn’t even know how you felt. Sure, you felt a little upset, but you were also understanding of the situation. But more than anything, you were just… confused.

Why did Clint not wait for you to come into the room before beginning the movie? Why was Peter even here for him to watch a movie with? He should’ve been at home with May. Did Clint invite him to watch the movie, or did Peter suggest it himself? Why weren’t you included in any of this?

“I actually think I have some chemistry homework or something, so, uh, I should go.”

“Aw man,” Peter pouted, sticking out his bottom lip, “Well, good luck on your homework! If you get done early, you should come back down and hang with us.”

You flashed him a tight smile before letting your eyes drift over to Clint, almost immediately looking away when your gazes met. He was giving you the look that told you he wasn’t buying any of your excuses. After all, he could see through pretty much any ruse you threw at him.

“Pete, can you give us a sec?” Clint patted his shoulder and walked over to you, nodding his head towards the hallway to signal Peter to leave the room. “Listen, Y/N, Peter really wanted to watch this movie, and I wasn’t sure if you were coming down tonight—”

“Clint, it’s fine,” you held up a palm, trying to reassure him when he gave you another disbelieving look, “I promise. I get it, I really do.”

After a few moments of consideration, he pulled you into a side hug, ruffling your hair. “If you say so, kiddo.”

A few hours later, when you were laying in bed, you just couldn’t get what had happened off of your mind. You doubted it was intentional, and you had to admit, it was a pretty small thing to get upset over. Besides, you weren’t one to hold a grudge. Deciding it was best to put it behind you, you rolled over and fell asleep, hoping that the incident would be a one-time thing.

If only you’d realized just how wrong you were.

— -

From that point on, things started to go downhill, and fast. More and more often, you were finding Peter doing things you used to do with the whole group. At first, you tried to force yourself into things and make yourself known. But no matter how much you spoke up or how hard you tried, you still somehow felt like an outsider in your own home; an outcast in your own family.

Nobody paid attention to you, no matter how hard you tried. All they seemed to do was fawn over their baby Peter, making sure that he was okay and that he knew he was the apple of their eye.

You felt like a background character in everybody’s lives, including your own.

Eventually, you gave up trying to be included. You began to lock yourself in your room, isolating yourself from everybody in the compound, Peter included. Peter knew something was up, but when he tried to ask you about it, you brushed it off, telling him he was imagining things. Just because you were upset didn’t mean you had to bring him down with you, right?

You knew that you could always talk to the group about how you felt, but you didn’t want to cause any trouble. So, you kept it all inside, locked in a small box hidden in the back of your mind. Every time something new happened, you’d open up the box and throw your feelings in there, always sure to never let a word slip out.

But the thing about that hidden box was that it was bound to overflow. After all, it was a finite space, and you couldn’t keep locking away your feelings without snapping.

That snap finally came when you walked into the lab one afternoon, seeing Peter and Bruce working on some sort of small machine. Taking a few steps closer, your heart dropped when you recognized that small machine as your personal project; an experiment that you’d been working on for years. You’d only told Tony about it because it was so personal to you (and even if you had tried to tell the others, you doubted they would have cared.)

“Huh… try connecting this wire to that one,” Bruce pointed to the object, deep in thought. Peter stuck out his tongue slightly as he carefully reconnected the wires, cheering when the device whirred to life successfully.

“Yes!” he grinned, giving Bruce a high five, “I can’t believe we—”

He paused when he saw you in the doorway, his smile softening a bit, “Hey Y/N! Wanna check out this cool project Bruce and I just finished? We found it sitting in the lab and decided to fix it up!”

You stood frozen, not even sure how to react. Your initial response was anger, a surge of betrayal spreading through your veins like fire. “I’m good.” you said through gritted teeth, taking a deep breath.

“You sure? It’s really cool! I can explain how it works if you want—”

“I already know how it works!” you blurted out, exasperation and annoyance soaking every syllable, “It was my project. I made that. I’ve been working on it for years. So no, I don’t need your explanation on how it works. That wasn’t yours to tamper with.”

“Y/N,” Bruce said with concern, “Is everything okay? This doesn’t seem like you. We didn’t know the project was yours; it was an honest mistake.”

“How would you have known? It isn’t like you pay attention to me anymore,” you scoffed, glaring daggers at the pair, “Besides, even if you had known, I’m sure that you would’ve finish it anyways if Peter had wanted to. You guys do whatever the hell he wants, yet you can’t even find the time to say goodnight to me anymore.”

“Woah, where is this coming from?” Bruce looked genuinely confused, “Who said we weren’t paying attention to you?” Peter sat there dumbfounded as you crossed your arms, Bruce holding up his hands in defense.

“Just— forget it.” You took a deep breath and stormed off, ignoring the calls of your name as the door slammed behind you. As you went on a rampage through the compound, you drew stares from everyone. A few called out to you, asking you what was wrong, but you just kept going until you finally reached your room. Shutting your door softly, you collapsed on your bed, letting out a scream into your pillow. Every emotion was hitting you at once, causing you to feel insanely overwhelmed and helpless.

Your face was buried in a pillow when you heard a knock on your door. “What is it?” you grumbled, rolling your eyes when you heard Bruce’s voice.

“Y/N, could you come downstairs for a minute?”

“Why?” you lifted the pillow from your face, glaring at him before flipping over onto your side to face away from the doorway, “I’m perfectly fine.”

“We need to talk to you.”

“Why do you need me when you could just talk to Peter?”

Bruce sighed deeply, despite already knowing that getting you downstairs was going to be a challenge from the beginning. “You know that’s not true. Just come down for five minutes, then you can come back up to sulk.”

Groaning dramatically, you rolled off of your bed and hit the floor with a soft thump. “Fine,” you called out from your spot on the carpet behind the bed. When you heard the door shut, you slowly sat up, making your way down to the main room as slowly as humanly possible.

As soon as you took a step into the room, everybody’s heads snapped to attention. A quick glance around showed you that basically the entire team was in the room, ready to have this conversation with you. You weren’t intimidated, just reluctant to talk about the topic (mostly out of spite.) And then, your eyes landed on Peter.

“I don’t wanna talk if he’s gonna be here.” Peter looked down guiltily and messed with the hem of his shirt, trying to avoid your heated gaze.

“Y/N,” Steve began in his ‘i’m giving a speech and you will listen to me’ voice, “This clearly involves the both of you, so Peter stays.”

“It’s...” Peter began to stand up, “It’s okay, I can just leave—”

Steve reached out and grabbed his arm gently, “Peter, we want you here, for this conversation—”

“I don’t.” Cap shot you a stern look, causing you to simply cross your arms in defense.

“Y/N, you’re being unreasonable,” Clint butted in, “Peter didn’t do anything intentionally to hurt you, and he wants to make it right. We all wanna make it right.”

“Unreasonable?” you scoff, gesturing wildly around you, “I’m unreasonable for not wanting to see Peter? For not wanting to see you guys? You’ve all been perfectly fine with me pining after you for the past few weeks, but when I finally give up, suddenly you’re concerned.”

Tears were filling your eyes, but you were unaware that they were also filling Peter’s.

He pulled away from Steve, taking a few steps back towards the door. “I should leave,” he began, being interrupted by a loud protest from the group of avengers sitting in the large room.

“Just-just stop!” he yelled, effectively silencing them, “Isn’t it obvious? I only seem to make things worse. I’m clearly not helping the situation. Y/N doesn’t want to be anywhere near me. She doesn’t want anything to do with me. Am I wrong?”

Peter had known something was up with you the past few weeks, but he hadn’t realized that he was the one hurting you. It killed him. You were his best friend, and the last thing in the world he’d ever want to do is cause you pain.

“She doesn’t think that—”

“I wasn’t asking you, Bruce!” he exasperated, turning to you as a tear slipped down your cheek, “Am I wrong, Y/N?”

You didn’t confirm his statements, but you didn’t deny them, either. Instead, you simply stood there, wiping the fallen tear from your cheek. Peter exhaled heavily, taking your silence as a confirmation of everything he’d assumed. Giving everyone a short nod, he walked out into the hallway, nobody speaking up until he’d left.

“What’s gotten into you?” your dad asked, clearly fed up with the way you were acting.

“What’s gotten into me?” you gawked, raising your tone in anger, “What’s gotten into me is that I’m an outcast in my own family! You guys ignore me and all of our special traditions in favor of running off and doing them with Peter instead. It’s like— it’s like I’m not even your kid anymore! I’m a background character in my own life! Nothing I do impacts you, and you can’t even pretend like you care about my feelings. If you cared, you wouldn’t have neglected and ignored me in the first place. Once a newer, better version of me came along, you were quick to leave me in the dust.”

You’d completely broken down at this point, voice breaking from an angry scream to a teary-eyed cry as you finally unlocked your hidden box.

“I just don’t wanna be left behind.”

The room was speechless. In their minds, you’d just been adjusting to the new addition to the compound. They’d had no idea that you’d felt replaced by Peter. A feeling of guilt soaked into almost every heart in the room, the sight of the sad and tired child in front of them enough to almost bring them to tears.

“You’re our family,” Natasha offered, trying to make you feel better, “We’d never leave you behind.”

“Why didn’t you tell us sooner?” Steve interrupted, earning a glare from Nat, “If we’d known, we would’ve done something about it.”

“Because it isn’t my job to tell you,” you whispered, voice cracking, “The saddest part is just that— you had no idea that I was even pulling away until I finally snapped. I know that I’m supposed to communicate with you… but all I needed was one of you to reach out. You couldn’t even do that. And… the one person who did is sitting outside right now, beating themselves up for something that you guys did.”

Tony began to speak, but you cut him off by raising a hand in objection. “If you’ll excuse me,” you sniffed, straightening your shoulders and walking towards the door, “I think I owe somebody an apology.”

— -

You found Peter outside on the patio looking out into the green surrounding the compound. He was sitting on the ground, knees pulled up to his chest. Small sniffles came from him every few seconds, and his curly hair was a mess.

“You didn’t have to come out here,” he croaked, turning to look at you as you took a seat next to him.

“I kinda did,” you smiled a bit, “You been crying?”

Peter nodded. “You don’t look too happy yourself.”

You let out a sad laugh, wiping off a few remaining tears. “I owe you an apology.”

He froze at that. “An apology?” Confusion was tugging at his features, curiosity glowing in his eyes.

“Yeah,” you exhaled, wringing your hands together, “None of this was your fault. You couldn’t have known that you were encroaching on anything.”

He shrugged, wiping his nose, “I should’ve picked up on it, though.”

“You did,” you placed a hand on his arm, squeezing gently, “I just wouldn’t open up to you. That’s on me. The rest of it… well, that’s on the team. But you looked out for me even when they failed to, and I’m really grateful for that.”

You paused, taking a few seconds to gather your thoughts. Peter covered your hand with his own, running his fingers lightly against the back of your knuckles. “And I’m sorry for blowing up at you like that. I’m sorry for ignoring you and shutting you out instead of letting you in. It only made the issue worse, and it made you feel guilty for something that isn’t your fault.”

Tears stung the back of your eyes, threatening to spill down over your cheeks all over again as you whispered, “I’m sorry, Pete.”

Lifting his arm, Peter slung himself around your shoulders, pulling you into a big side hug. He was warm, his t-shirt soft between your fingers as you gripped it tightly and cried into his shoulder.

“It’s okay, Y/N,” he consoled, rubbing small circles on your back as you hiccupped, “It’s okay.”

Slowly, your tears began to dry, and a wave of exhaustion began to spread throughout your chest. Your lungs were heavy and the air was somehow warmer as Peter continued to rub circles on your back, lulling you into a post-cry nap. Before you knew it, you were asleep, your grip on his shirt growing loose. He stroked your hair before repositioning you so you’d be more comfortable lying against him.

Peter’s head jerked up when he heard the door open, eyes widening when he saw Steve walk over towards the two of you.

“How is she, kid?” he put his hands into his pockets, gazing out at the greenery in front of him.

“She was pretty upset. I don’t think it’s gonna be fixed overnight,” Peter paused, “Where’s Mr. Stark and the rest of the team?” “We thought it’d be best to only send one person out here to get her, and Tony didn’t think she was too happy with him,” Steve explained, sadness and guilt in his gaze as he looked over at you, “Not that she’s happy with me, either.”

The vibrations from Peter’s chest as they spoke stirred you awake, causing you to blink a few times in an attempt to shake away some of the sleepiness. “Steve?” you yawned, turning to the man standing a few feet away, “What do you want?”

“To see what we can all do to make this better,” Bruce spoke up from the doorway, taking a few steps out onto the patio before the rest of the team followed.

“We messed up and we wanna fix it,” Tony shrugged, but not without throwing you an apologetic glance.

“Just… don’t be inconsiderate dicks anymore, okay?” you sighed, rubbing your face roughly in exasperation, “And give me some time. I’m upset, and that hurt isn’t gonna go away overnight. I need to process stuff, ya know.”

“Cap, you okay with that language?” Your dad joked, raising his hands in defense when you shot him a death glare, “What? He’s an old man. He can’t handle those words, Y/N.”

“And I want some really good apologies. Like, ten-page-long handwritten apology letters. Delivered by pigeon.”

“Deal. Sam, what’s our pigeon status?” Tony threw over his shoulder, earning a glare from Sam.

“I. Don’t. Talk. To. Birds,” he rolled his eyes, “You two have got to drop that bit, or I think I’m gonna lose my mind.”

“Whatever you say, birdman,” you winked before shooing the team away, “Now, can you guys leave us alone? We were having a best friend moment.”

“Okay, okay,” Bruce laughed, shouting over his shoulder as Steve pushed him along, “But we are gonna talk about this in more detail later.”

“Have your apology letter ready!” you sang, waving him goodbye with a cheesy smile until the door shut behind the group.

You turned back around with a sigh, looping your arm through Peter’s. “Thank you, Peter,” you pressed a kiss to his cheek, smiling a bit when his face flushed red, “You’re the bestest best friend I could ever ask for.”

“Just… be sure to talk to me next time, okay?” he responded, giving the hand wrapped around his forearm a squeeze, “I’m always here for you.”

He paused.

“Plus, I missed you a lot.”

“You got it,” you breathed as you laid your head on his shoulder, “And don’t worry, I missed you too.”

taglist + a few mutuals;

@minnie-marvel @magic-marvel @quxntumvandyne @imnotbitter-anna @cynicallystiles @laurfangirl424 @misslunala @secondsineternity @galaxy-parker @peterpcrker @signed-potato @lokiislowkeyhot @highlady-ofthe-summercourt @veryspectacularspiderling @delicately-written @thefallenbibliophilequote @jupiterparker @buck-ets @newtimewriter @thedaughterofdawn @lltrashll @paradoxparker @propertyofmarvel @sagebrandy-loves-pancakes @flaminghottaquito @marvel-galaxy @laureharrier @futzingclint @lokiismischief @whycantwebefriendz @hedwigthelegend @yellowkenyon97 @casuallytumblingdownthestairs  @yelyahryan @em-aesthe @ @smexylemony @watermelonfruitsalad @thewildheroine @s0cial-retard @awkwardfangirl2014 @nobelwarriorheroes @holland-haven @moonpadillaa @lesbianismybitchname @kingccbsblog @upsidedownparker

peter parker taglist;

@lostnliterature​ @lovely-parker​ @johnmulaneyslut​ @irxnspxder​ @lovinnholland​ @alyssaaaas-stuff

join my tags!

She

Summary: Buffy reminisces about her relationship with Andi, the events of their past, and the fate of their future. Inspired buy the song She by Dodie Clark

Word Count: 1836

also this is for @bandi-mack since it was her idea ilyy <3

Am I allowed to look at her like that?

Could it be wrong, when she’s just so nice to look at?

Buffy stared at her phone screen. She had Andi’s Instagram pulled up, and just like all normal people do, she was scrolling through and analyzing all the pictures. So it was a typical Saturday night. She’d begun to sketch one in her notebook. Granted, it wasn’t great, but she worked hard on it.

She smells like lemongrass and sleep,

She tastes like apple juice and peach,

She gravitated towards the warmer colors, as colored pencils in reds, pinks, peaches, and yellows rolled on her bed. Tapping her phone again, she zoomed in on one section of her face, concentrating on trying to get Andi’s eyes just right. They were mesmerizing, even in photos; her chestnut eyes, soft and welcoming, and could read right through you. It was a quality Buffy had always admired, even if it bugged her when she tried to repressed any of her own feelings.

You would find her, in a polaroid picture,

And she, means everything to me, oh,

She glanced over at her nightstand, where there was a small picture frame that she and Andi had made years ago, when Andi was just getting into crafting. It was, admittedly, a little messy, but Buffy loved it nonetheless. Inside was a photo from when they were both little, probably in elementary school, where they both tried to do their makeup.

“We’re fashion queens!” Andi exclaimed, scampering into her mom’s room to grab her polaroid camera.

Buffy followed after the trail of giggles, grinning from ear to ear, with a smudged line of red lipstick staining her face.

“Strike a pose!” Andi shrieked, reaching out the camera as far as she could and snapping the photo. Both girls felt like they were nearly blinded by the flash, covering their eyes with their hands as the photo printed out.

“You can keep it,” Andi said, handing it to Buffy, “my mama always said that sharing is caring,”

It was still one of Buffy’s fondest memories to date.

I’d never tell,

No, I’d never say a word,

Grabbing a peachy pencil, she started to shade in Andi’s face, treading lightly at first, before deepening the color by her cheeks. Andi always blushed this particular shade of pink when she was embarrassed or when someone made her laugh. Buffy wanted to make sure she got it right, so she blended a few more colors into the mix of peaches and pinks.

And oh, it aches,

But it feels oddly good to hurt,

She remembered the day that Andi went redder than she’d ever seen her before. Naturally, her group of friends were at the Spoon, when Jonah walked in. And it was like a switch went off, because Andi just didn’t seem like herself anymore. It was like she’d forgotten how to speak and how to act. Buffy remained quiet, choosing to play with the napkin in front of her rather than intervene.

“Do you wanna come play mini golf?” he asked, a smile brighter than the sun gracing his face.

“Oh, yeah, totally! Buffy do you wanna come?” Andi had asked.

“Oh, I-I meant, just you and me. If that’s okay,” Jonah mumbled, looking to her with hopeful eyes. Andi’s cheeks went red hot turning to Buffy for approval, supposedly.

Buffy gave a small nod, squeezing her best friend’s hand quickly before she scooted out of the booth, and let them both walk out. Pinching her lips together, she gave Cyrus a small smile before they continued their conversation.

And she smells like lemongrass and sleep,

She tastes like apple juice and peach,

Buffy tapped on her phone again, zooming out a little on the photo in order to have a better idea of how the colors blended. Andi’s hair was swooped down onto her forehead, a few locks of it behind her ears. Grabbing the black colored pencil, she thought back to the day when Andi had decided to cut her hair by herself: short. It was a disaster, evidently, but Buffy had come over and helped her calm down about it.

“It looks good, Andi! It’s a new you,” she exclaimed, pushing a few of her bangs aside.

“I look like a boy,” Andi sniffed, turning to look at herself in the mirror, “this was a mistake,”

Buffy fished through one of Andi’s many drawers, before finally finding a blue headband with a bow that Andi had made a few years back. “Here,” she offered, slipping it onto the girl’s head, “better?”

Andi shifted the headband a little, turning to look at herself at different angles. “A little,” she admitted, turning to face Buffy, “thanks. You’re the best,”

She leaned forward to hug the other girl, and Buffy couldn’t help but feel a magnetic pull towards Andi.

Oh you would find her, in a polaroid picture,

And she, means everything to me,

Oh, oh, oh,

She paused, setting her pencil down and grabbing her eraser to try and soften the edges. She wanted nothing more right now than to call Andi, to hear her voice on the other line. To know that things were okay, that things were going to be okay. But she knew she couldn’t.

And I’ll be okay, admiring from afar,

‘Cause even when she’s next to me,

We could not be more far apart,

Buffy opened her phone again, scrolling up to the more recent photos of Andi; one with Libby, a few with Jonah, a bunch with her and Cyrus, and one with her and Buffy. The last one. They were at the library, and Buffy could recall the day like it was just yesterday.

“Shh, are you insane?” Andi giggled, running through the shelves of romance novels, “they’re gonna kill us!”

“Not if they don’t find us,” Buffy chuckled, grabbing Andi’s hand and dragging her along, and ending up by all the CDs and records. They hid under a display of them, both trying to contain their laughter.

“Do you think Cyrus and Jonah will find us here?” Andi whispered, pressing her body against Buffy’s.

Buffy swallowed, breathing in so softly, as though not wanting to scare off Andi like a deer. “I don’t think so,” she mumbled, pulling out her phone, “selfie?”

“Always,” Andi replied, leaning her head in a little closer and smiling as Buffy took the photo, “send that to me,”

She did, and Andi quickly posted it on Instagram, with the caption ‘best friends hide better’.

Needless to say, Cyrus and Jonah found them rather quickly after that.

And she tastes like birthday cake and storytime and fall,

But to her, I taste of nothing at all,

Buffy quickly turned off her phone, shutting her eyes tightly. No. She had been down this road far too many times, lingered on that moment far too long for her liking. But no matter how much she tried to push it from her memories, it seemed to creep up to the front. Grabbing a few more pencils to finish Andi’s shirt, her memories came flooding back.

“I think the lights add a nice touch, don’t you?” Andi asked, leaning back in the beanbag in AndiShack.

Buffy nodded, not even paying attention to the lights. Her eyes didn’t leave the girl in front of her, almost mesmerized by her beauty. Buffy knew that she’d fallen, hard, and there was no way that she was going to be able to get back up.

“Hey Andi?” Buffy whispered, earning the girl’s attention.

“Yeah?”

Buffy hesitated, reaching her hand up and tugging on a strand of her hair. Boldly, she leaned forward and planted a kiss on Andi’s lips. It was quick and childish, but the fire that tore through her body was not ignorable. Immediately, she slapped a hand over her mouth, fingers trembling. Why did she do that? What was the matter with her?

“I-I’m sorry,” she squeaked out, before she started sprinting out of the small shack, not stopping until she could see her house in the distance. Her lungs were aching, her breathing sharp and laborious. She couldn’t see much as she walked into her house, the tears blurring her vision. Her feet stung, her arms felt numb, yet her lips were still on fire.

She wanted to text Andi that this was all some mistake. That she wasn’t thinking about what she was doing. That she regretted it.

But the truth was, those were all lies. She’d wanted to kiss Andi for a long time, but she never did. She didn’t regret the kiss, but she did regret how it had happened.

And she smells like lemongrass and sleep,

She tastes like apple juice and peach,

You would find her, in a polaroid picture,

And she, means everything to me,

Buffy swiped at the the tears that started to fall, cursing herself under her breath. She’d finished the sketch and quickly pushed it aside, not wanting to ruin it. It was a disgrace of a drawing, if you asked her; she really didn’t do Andi’s beauty justice.

Yes, she means everything to me,

Buffy tentatively reached for her phone, clicking on Andi’s story. It was a snapshot of her in her room, listening to music. Sad music, Buffy concluded after a little bit of squinting. She couldn’t help but think back to what Andi had said about sad music.

“Because who wants to listen to happy music when they’re sad?” she pouted, crossing her arms.

“Doesn’t listening to sad music when you’re sad, just make you more sad?” Buffy pointed out.

Andi shook her head. “No, that’s what happy music does. It reminds you of how not happy you are. Sad music gets you. It understands that things are hard, and that it’s okay to feel like that,” she explained.

And suddenly Buffy had a new outlook on sad music.

Swiping up, she hesitated on replying, her fingers lingering on the keyboard. She’d texted Andi for over two weeks, not daily, but still; there was never a reply.

bdriscoll: are you okay?

Buffy turned her attention back to her sketchbook. Taking a pen, she jotted down the date in the corner, and shut the journal with a gentle click. Her stomach grumbled, signaling her to get out of her room and to stop wallowing. Her phone buzzed, and at that moment, it felt like the world stopped spinning, and it was moving too fast all at once. She felt dizzy with anticipation, unlocking her phone with a shaky swipe.

andiman: ...not really.

bdriscoll: do you wanna talk about it?

andiman: no that’s okay

bdriscoll: if it’s about what happened, i’m sorry

andiman: it’s okay, don’t worry about it

bdriscoll: you’re my best friend andi, i want you to be happy

andiman: thanks. i think i just need some time

bdriscoll: i get that. i’m here whenever you’re ready

andiman: thanks buffy

bdriscoll: no problem

read at 3:26 PM

She means everything to me

In the Twilight Hour Alone

Hummel Holidays 2015 day 11:twilight

Kid Kurt fic: no pairing

Kurt Hummel was waiting, in what he considered a rather patient manner - although he was certain Mrs. Austin, the babysitter would disagree, for his father to come and get him. He was leaning his head against the window and Mrs. Austin was sure to make him clean it the next day, she always did. His dad was supposed to be early and they were supposed to finally be able to go Christmas Shopping.  But it was already twilight and full dark was fast approaching.  Oh, he knew that dark fell fast in winter but he also knew some stores closed at dark and it got cold at dark and so they wouldn’t be able to spend much time at the open farmer’s market if Daddy didn’t get here quick.

His dad had been late every night so far for the whole month…and last month and the month before that. His dad hadn’t been on time since he started being babysat by Mrs. Austin. Sometimes, his dad didn’t get there until past 8pm.  Kurt knew he paid Mrs. Austin extra so she wouldn’t stop watching him even though he was always late.  When they got home Kurt did his homework while his dad made dinner…Mrs. Austin refused to feed kids she watched or help with homework or even oversee their homework. Mrs. Austin had lots of things she DID NOT DO. At Mrs. Austin’s the kids she watched got off the school bus and then went into the backyard and played until the sun started to go down, or the playroom in the basement if it was too cold out. She came and watched the kids when fights happened or too much screaming occurred, but Kurt and the others were supposed to be nice and shut up and not cause problems. When the sun started to set then they all went to the main room and waited for their parents to pick them up, they were supposed to sit and read or sit and just be quiet and still. Most kids sat in the main room for less than a half hour.  Kurt’s dad was almost always the last to pick him up. The ride home was always the radio and set to his dad’s music. Then Kurt went to the table, set it, and pulled out his homework and his dad went to the kitchen.  When dinner was done his dad put some on Kurt’s plate and took his own off to the living room in front of the TV. As soon as Kurt finished his homework and was finished eating he put his dishes in the dishwasher and then went and bathed himself. Then Kurt was put to bed. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d watched a movie or TV show he wanted. Mrs. Austin only watched game shows and news.  The only day that didn’t go wake, school, Mrs. Austin, eat late, sleep was Wednesday…and that was only because Kurt’s piano lessons were paid in full for the full year before his mom died and he missed so many during summer his teacher added those missed to the end so he was paid up until the end of March.  Miss Leanne picked him up from school even though his lesson wasn’t until 4pm and then dropped him off at the garage after piano.  She even fed him an afterschool snack. She asked how his day had gone.  Kurt loved Wednesdays.

His dad’s truck came around the corner just before he was about to give up hope.

Kurt rushed to the door and had his bag and coat together before his dad even left the truck. “Bye Mrs. Austin.  See you on Thursday!” Kurt yelled as he let himself out the front door and ran to his dad’s truck as it pulled up in front of Mrs. Austin’s house.

“And what if I had wanted to talk to Mrs. Austin?” Burt asked his 8 year old son as he climbed into the truck.

“Than you should have been early…or even on time.  Twilight is fading and the farmer’s market will close before we get there. There are only five more days of school before Christmas break starts, Daddy, and we have NOTHING to give anyone yet.” Kurt said.

Burt sighed and Kurt looked at his dad.  

“No.  Mr. Robinson at the very least deserves a gift this year. He has to make up work for me, Dad, because you chose not to listen to either him or me and I’m still repeating second grade even though I was ahead LAST YEAR!  All you had to do was go to the school board and get me tested when I ended up missing too many days.  WE told you I was completing my school work.  MOM told you I was completing my school work. But you let Mr. Johansen make an example out of me so no one would notice that he and HIS kids missed as many days as I did because he took THEM on Vacations!”

“Kurt, do not yell at me about this again.” Burt said in a warning tone.

Kurt just glared at his dad until Burt looked back to the road and asked “Ok, so who all do we need gifts for?”

“Have you sent anything to Aunt Mildred yet?” Kurt asked.

“I haven’t done anything.” Burt said.

“I know.” Kurt replied. “You do realize Santa comes soon, right?”

Burt huffed and Kurt nearly baked down.  But Kurt had backed down over everything and it was past six months and things had GOT TO get back to some sort of functionality soon.

Kurt sighed. “We need something for Aunt Mildred and her family. After all that is where I spent half the summer so you could ‘get it together’, even though I did come home with multiple injuries and everything I owned that I went there with ruined. Mr. Robinson, Mrs. Moore and Miss Little at the school and Mrs. Austin for babysitting. Miss Leanne needs a gift.  People at the garage. “

“And we have to go to the farmer’s market?” Burt asked.

Kurt glared. “If you had arrived at 3 like you said you would, and not during twilight, it would not have been a problem.  That was why I asked for today. I asked Mr. Roland for you to have this afternoon off. I asked your co-workers to get you out in time to hit the farmer’s market. Because you didn’t follow through on your own last week or the week before Thanksgiving, even when you said you would.”

“We’ll make it there.” Burt said.

Kurt just scowled.

The Farmer’s Market was lit up when they pulled into the parking lot, each different booth lined with small lights and inside bulbs turned on.  Kurt dragged his dad to a booth in the back first, one he’d heard about from Miss Leanne.  It sold ornaments and sun catchers mostly, but also held keychains and magnets.

Kurt picked out a suncatcher and a wooden music note ornament for Miss Leanne and Wooden Christmas ornaments in the shape of apples for his three teachers.  He was having a hard time picking out anything for Mrs. Austin, though. He picked up an extra wooden music note ornament…he was hoping on having that one for himself.

“I don’t think Mrs. Austin would want a music note.  Maybe she’d like a star or one of the candy canes, those are nice.” Burt said.  He took the second music note and put it back and handed Kurt one of the wooden candy cane ornaments.  Kurt glared but accepted the choice.  

“I thought we could get my teachers and Mrs. Austin some hot cocoa mixes as well. That would be a good gift and not too expensive.” Kurt said.

Burt nodded and paid for the gifts Kurt had chosen thus far.  As his dad paid, Kurt checked his pocket and the money he’d slipped into it.  He only had ten dollars and if he bought the ornament himself he’d only have 8 left to buy his dad a gift with.  Kurt sighed and looked at the music note ornament again before heading with his dad to the next booth.

It was almost completely dark by the time Kurt found the booth that sold chocolate stuff.  He picked out individual packets of flavored hot cocoa mixes for his teachers and Mrs. Austin, and his dad added hot cocoa mixes in tins for the people at the shop and his Aunt Mildred.  Kurt figured that was because his dad was done with being out shopping.  Kurt sighed. He found a box of chocolates that he could afford that he thought his dad would like and while his dad was paying he bought those.  He even had a few dollars left.  He darted into the stall next door while his dad chatted with the man selling him the cocoas and bought his dad a keychain.  It even had a wrench on it. Kurt was back standing by his dad before his dad even noticed he was gone.

His dad bundled them right into the truck as soon as they’d bought the hot cocoa mixes, not allowing them any more time to look around.  Kurt sighed and went with it.  At least he’d got his shopping done.  He knew where there was wrapping paper at home that had been tucked away at the end of the season last year and he’d just leave the gifts on the dining room table if his dad never got around to doing anything about Christmas at the house.

The house dark when they got home.  Kurt had forgotten to leave the dining room light on.  They were home earlier than they had been for ages though, so even though Kurt headed straight to the dining room table to do his homework and his dad went to make dinner there was a difference in the pattern. Everything was done much earlier and it was too early for Kurt to head to the bath and then off to bed when he was done eating and with his homework.  Instead Kurt went to the living room and sat down by his dad.

“Are there any Christmas shows on?” Kurt asked.

“I don’t know.” Burt answered. “I didn’t look for those in the TV schedule.”

“I’d like to watch something dealing with Christmas. It would be nice to see something Christmasy.”

“I don’t know why.” Burt said.

“So I could see someone enjoying the season and maybe find a little bit of seasonal joy somewhere.” Kurt snapped. “There isn’t any here.”

“We went Christmas shopping, kid. What more do you want?” Burt snapped back.

“Really dad?” Kurt said. “I’m going to go write a list for Santa.  I doubt he cares, either, but maybe he’ll at least pay attention enough to decide I was undeserving of anything.”

Kurt stalked off. He grabbed paper from his backpack and a pencil from the kitchen drawer so he didn’t leave his school pencil at the house.  As it was he only had school supplies because his teacher bought them for kids who didn’t have any and that meant he didn’t have much of anything.

He sat in the dining room. He remembered last year and how it looked.  Even though his mother had been sick, there had been garlands and lights up.  Music had played in the background while they baked. There had been a tree in the living room and Christmas shows played in the background while he and his mom wrapped gifts and wrote out cards and did crafts.

He had more than two pairs of long pants and they fit.  His shirts weren’t too small and he had a warm sweater, heck he’d had several. In fact he’d had a whole brand new ‘Christmas’ outfit so he’d have something to wear when they went to Christmas parties and Christmas programs and Christmas gatherings. He had a warm coat that was the right size and gloves and a hat. He had boots that fit and Momma had even taken him outside to make a snowman and snow angels and to go ice skating and sledding.

Everything seemed bright and shiny, not this pale grey nothing that he’d been living in since his mom died that was steadily getting darker and darker.  Not this echoing existence where he never seemed heard except by himself, especially at home.

Kurt remembered from somewhere that ‘things are always darkest before the dawn’, but he didn’t know how much darker things could get really before he was not going to be able to stand it anymore.

Maybe dawn only came when you made it come.  Kurt just knew he was sick and tired of this…this half life.

“Dear Santa,

I want someone to notice me and love me again.”

Kurt just knew that he was done, next year was not going to be like this, the rest of this year was not going to be like this.  Even if Kurt had to do it all himself.

Kurt stomped over to the drawer in the china cabinet that his mom had stored the cook books in. First things first, he wasn’t eating another chicken nugget at home for a year…which meant he had to do some reading.

tired. long day, but not bad, though mostly just because it’s over now, lol. my alarm went off at 7:15, and I got up with a version of the song my mom used to sing that went “rise and shine, and give God the glory glory!” stuck in my head except my version went “rise and shine, haul your ass out of bed! rise and shine, you can sleep when you’re dead!” the latter phrase I use to motivate myself to get out of bed on a fairly regular basis honestly. But I got up. Caught the bus to the train and made it to the DV courthouse for some observing hours. Made it in for the morning court call in one of the criminal court rooms, I’d previously seen a civil one but not a criminal one before, and I gotta say, DAMN, watching that was seriously depressing. the number of cases that got dismissed because the victim didn’t show up in court was astronomical. like for every victim that showed there were probably 4 who didn't. that’s gotta be ridiculously discouraging for the prosecutor, and honestly makes me wonder if that is something I’d be interested in doing- I mean, if I’m going for the ADA job in NY, their DV and Crimes Against Children bureau is combined, so in order to do child crimes I’d have to do DV too, and I mean, I’ve spent a lot of time in DV court over the past 2 and a half years....but I don’t know. There were a couple amusing exchanges, there was one filing for a violation of an OP because they were in court yesterday and in front of the entire damn court room this idiot threatened the woman who had an order against him, which caused the sheriffs to try to apprehend him for violating the OP, except he ran, made it out of the building, down the street, and into the subway station, all the while being chased by the sheriffs, and they fucking lost him. I was just cracking up at the visual of this, like the sheriff’s jumping over the turnstile and running down the escalator....it was too funny. the other one was something relevant to what I’ve been studying for the past week, the rules of professional conduct. this private lawyer showed up to represent this guy who had an OP filed against him, but he was in the “hospital” (aka mental health ward) and couldn’t be there, and then it came out that her firm was actually retained by his mother two weeks ago for a probate matter because she is trying to get guardianship over her (adult) son, then came in last night and asked them to handle the OP matter, and the judge was like “.....don’t you think that’s a conflict of interest?” and I legit wanted to jump up and be like “yes, yes it is, rule 1.7!!” lol, so I was amused by that, and once the courtroom cleared out I talked the PD on the case for a bit and he was laughing at the ridiculousness of it all. I hung out there until about 12:15 when court went down for lunch, then went across the street to the cool mexican place and got some lunch, then returned around 1:30 for the afternoon cases, mainly people filing for emergency orders of protection, which is what I normally do while volunteering. So I sat through that for about two hours, though there was a fair amount of down time, but hey, I needed to get the observation hours in one way or another, even if it’s observing an empty courtroom 🤷🏻‍♀️��. there was a string of really unfortunate cases where the victim of something that was not domestic violence or stalking was told, most likely by the police (fucking chicago police, I swear) they needed to come here and file for an order and the judge had to be like “I’m sorry, but under the law there’s nothing I can do to help you” which is always a hard thing to watch, because you know the person is just gonna walk away from that thinking the system doesn’t care and is just gonna screw them over (and in a lot of cases, I’d say they’re right). While on a break I spoke to the sheriff and clerk about the police sending ridiculous cases here and they definitely echoed my sentiments and frustration. Hung out there until about 3:30, so I got my 5 hours of observation I needed in, then headed over to school and planted myself in the PAD office, trying to absorb some final information before having to take my final. I also dropped off my adoption final in the official finals drop box with a time stamp and everything for your envelope so they know when you dropped it off, so I was glad to have that off my chest. I also returned two of my three rental books to the school (my actual school is next to a barnes and noble that’s semi-part of the school), and explained I needed the last one for my final tonight so my friend was gonna drop it off tomorrow since I’m flying out, and they were like “cool no problem” so that was nice. Got some food from their little cafe and went back to trying to study (don’t know how much info I actually retained) and then eventually went up to the exam room and prepped there. it turned out the test was entirely on scantron and not on computers at all, and of course I had ZERO pencils on me, which is ridiculous because I’m always prepared for anything, but it led to some amusing dialogue with the guy who sat next to me whom I realized I thought was attractive because he looks a lot like a young Dominic Purcell, lol. so the test started, true or false first, there was a few questions I straight up could not find reference for in the rules so I had to go with my best guess, but I feel like I understood a good majority of them. I just definitely wasted time flipping through the book. then it was some multiple choice, which were also fine, but took a while again because of flipping through the book constantly. I went over it and only ended up changing one answer because I found the right reference to one where I had previously just guessed, so that was good. I finished in about 2 hours and 40 minutes out of a 3 hour testing period, so not bad. I took a uber pool home because it’s cold and I was physically and mentally exhausted, and there was some ice on the ground and I was wearing my “nice” boots which have a bit of a heel and I’m absolutely petrified about slipping on ice, plus it was super cheap so why not. Fine ride and got home soon enough, just as it was announced that Doug Jones won the Alabama senate race, which I have to say, was AMAZING. like seriously, I didn’t want to give myself hope that this could happen just because I felt like he wasn’t going to win, but him pulling it out is SUCH a victory and so much of a rejection of everything Moore, Bannon, and Trump. and the senators and congressmen and women who have re-elections next year should know that if they’re aligning themselves with those fools we are coming for you. the movement is definitely gaining momentum, and I love it. Anyway, though. got home, and my roommate got home shortly after, and she heated up some little apple tartlets that came in a gift basket at her work, so we ate those and watched tonight’s Brooklyn 99, and the tartlet’s were amazing and so was B99. Watched a little Jimmy Kimmel afterwards and then eventually got ready for bed. of course, I have to wake up at 7 and go to the airport for my 9:30 flight, but hey, bring it on. if my count is correct, not counting connections and layovers, this will be my 18th flight of the year, lol. that’s a lot. Still got two take home finals to finish, but I’m not terribly concerned because those are classes I’m actually into, unlike the ones I actually had tests on. but being that it’s almost 1 am and I have to be up in 6 hours, I will end this here. Goodnight lovelies. Hope you have a wonderful night.

M-Dot Versus D-Top: How To Hack DeepCrawl's Test Site Feature To Compare Your Mobile And Desktop Sites SEO-wise

Last month I wrote a post covering a number of real-world mobile problems I surfaced on sites using separate mobile urls (like m-dot subdomains). With Google moving to a mobile-first index, it’s extremely important to make sure your mobile urls contain the equivalent content, structured data, canonical tags, hreflang tags, etc. as your desktop urls. Since Google will use the mobile urls and content for ranking purposes once the switch to m-first happens, you can end up with ranking issues and a drop in Google organic search traffic if your mobile urls are inadequate. And that’s never a good thing for sites looking to grow.

Now, if a site is responsive or using dynamic serving, it should be fine. But for sites using separate mobile urls (like an m-dot subdomain), there could be many gremlins lurking around. My post contains actual problems I have uncovered while helping companies prepare for Google’s mobile-first index. From botched switchboard tags to broken canonicals to double canonicals to rel alternate being delivered via the header response, companies could run into a number of problems that are tough to detect with the naked eye.

As part of my final recommendations in that post, I explained that it’s important to crawl your site as both Googlebot desktop and Googlebot for Smartphones to make sure the mobile crawl doesn’t surface many problems not present via the desktop crawl. It’s a great way to check your setup from both a desktop and mobile perspective. But I didn’t explain one tool that can really help those sites using separate mobile urls, and I’m going to cover that in this post. If you are using separate mobile urls, I think you’re going to dig it. Read on.

Comparing Desktop to Mobile Crawls (with the help of DeepCrawl) You can definitely crawl your desktop urls and mobile urls and dig in manually. That’s a smart thing to do. But comparing larger-scale sites using this method can get tough. Wouldn’t it be great if a crawling tool could help by comparing the two crawls for you? Then you could surface problems faster and spend your time digging into those problems versus scanning thousands of urls.

Enter DeepCrawl’s test site feature, which you can hack to compare against your mobile subdomain.

Hacking DeepCrawl’s Test Site Feature To Compare Mobile Versus Desktop URLs If you’ve read my previous posts about audits, migrations, algorithm updates and more, then you have come across many mentions of DeepCrawl. It’s one of my favorite SEO tools and has been for a long time. Actually, I loved it so much that I’m on the customer advisory board and have been a CAB member since it was launched a few years ago.

In DeepCrawl, there’s an option for crawling a test site. It’s been part of DeepCrawl for a long time and it’s a great way for SEOs to crawl and analyze a site while it’s in staging. Not only will it crawl a test site, but it will compare the test site to the production site. And if you’re following along with what I mentioned above about testing m-dots, then you might see where this is headed. :)

Although your m-dot is not a test site, you can hack DeepCrawl into thinking it’s a test site. Then it will crawl the mobile subdomain and compare to the previous crawl (which can be your desktop site). This technique was covered by Jon Myers in his presentation about preparing for Google’s mobile-first index. You should check out his presentation on SlideShare if you haven’t yet. And if you’re running a site that employs m-dots, then a lightbulb probably appeared above your head. Below, I’m going to explain how to set this up via DeepCrawl. Then I’ll cover some of the problems you can surface once the crawls have completed.

How to set up DeepCrawl to compare desktop and m-dot urls: In order for DeepCrawl to compare separate mobile urls to desktop urls, you need an initial crawl of your desktop pages and then a second crawl of your “test site”, which will be your m-dot subdomain. Follow the steps below to set this up.

1. Set up a new crawl, enter your desktop domain and give the crawl a unique name.

2. Check the box for “Website” crawl and do not check the box for “Crawl all subdomains”.

3. Set the maximum number of urls to crawl. I recommend crawling as many as you can from the site (unless it’s a massive site). You want to make sure you are comparing apples to apples, so it would be optimal to get a significant sample from the site. For many sites, this won’t be a problem. If you have a large-scale site (greater than a few hundred thousand pages indexed), then you can craft strategies for crawling site sections, certain directories, etc.)

4. Next, click “Advanced Settings” which is marked with a gear icon. Again, make sure “Crawl subdomains” is not checked. We want to focus on the desktop site.

5. Under “Link Restrictions”, uncheck “Crawl URLs in media mobile alternate tags” and “Crawl URLs in AMPHTML alternate tags. Again, we want the first crawl to be focused on our desktop urls.

6. Under “Spider Settings”, select Googlebot as the user-agent for the first crawl. In the second crawl, we’ll use Googlebot for Smartphones.

7. Then click “Save and Start Crawl” to begin the crawl of your desktop urls.

8. {Optional} While the crawl is running, you can relax and sip a frozen drink while reading my tweets about SEO. :)

Crawl Two: Setting Up A Crawl Of Your Separate Mobile URLs (m-dot) Once the first crawl completes, you’ll be ready to launch the second crawl (which will crawl your m-dot subdomain and enable DeepCrawl to compare the two crawls). Follow the instructions below to set this up:

1. From the main projects screen in DeepCrawl, click the edit icon (a small pencil icon). This will enable you to edit the settings so you can correctly crawl your mobile subdomain.

2. Jump to the “Settings” screen, which is the fourth screen when editing your crawl settings. First, make sure “Compare to last crawl” is selected. The first crawl you launch won’t have a previous and that’s normal. But the second crawl you launch should be compared to the first (basically comparing m-dot to desktop). Note, you can always select a specific crawl to compare to in case you launched additional crawls of your m-dot and wanted to compare to a previous crawl of desktop or m-dot.

3. Click “Advanced Settings” (fourth screen) again and jump down to “Spider Settings”. Select Googlebot for Smartphones as the user-agent for this crawl.

4. Next, jump down to Test Settings and select “Test Site Domain and Custom DNS”. Under “Test site domain”, you should enter your m-dot subdomain on the first line. And since this isn’t a real test server (remember, we’re hacking this feature to compare the m-dot to desktop), you don’t need to enter anything in the Basic auth username or Basic auth password fields. Also, make sure “Use the test site with the crawl” is checked.

5. That’s all you need to change in order for DeepCrawl to crawl your m-dot and then compare to the previous desktop crawl. Click “Save and Start Crawl” to begin the crawl of your m-dot.

6. {Optional}: Finish your frozen drink from earlier and read more tweets from me about SEO on Twitter. :)

Examples of problems you can surface when comparing m-dot to desktop: Once the mobile crawl finishes, you’re ready to dig into the data and surface gaps between your desktop and mobile sites. The dashboard view will show you the number of top issues surfaced overall while also showing a trending line for each problem compared to the previous crawl.

When employing separate mobile urls, you need to watch out for major gaps and differences between your desktop site and mobile site. That includes content differences, canonical problems, internal linking gaps, crawl errors, hreflang problems, structured data issues, and more. You should review all of the major categories in DeepCrawl to make sure you have a solid view of how the crawls compare. Below, I’ll cover a few examples of what you can find.

Max Fetch Time (Good timing based on Google’s latest announcement, pun intended.) In the screenshot below, you can see a major difference in the number of urls that took a long time to load between desktop and mobile. There were over 7K urls that had performance problems, including some urls taking up to 15 seconds to load.

Google just announced that mobile page speed will be a ranking factor as of July 2018, so this handy report can help you uncover mobile urls that might have performance problems.

Thin content and empty pages You might find more thin content or even empty pages in the mobile crawl when comparing to desktop. With Google’s mobile-first index, mobile pages will be used for rankings (once your site is switched to the m-first index). Therefore, you don’t want a situation where the desktop urls contains high-quality content, but some of the mobile urls are thin or even blank.

404s (Page Not Found) You might find a spike in 404s on the mobile site, which can obviously cause big problems SEO-wise (if the pages should resolve with 200s and contain content matching the desktop alternatives). In this example, there’s definitely an increase in 404s on the m-dot, and the company will need to rectify the problems soon (as the mobile-first index approaches). And combine this report with the broken links report and you can hunt down which pages contain links to the 404s.

Pages Without hreflang For sites providing content in multiple languages, hreflang is a great solution. It enables you to tell Google which urls provide the content in which languages. Then Google can match up the correct page with the correct user based on language. When using hreflang, many site owners provide a “cluster” of alternate urls in the head of the document. You can also supply hreflang via sitemaps and via the header response, but many provide the tags directly in the code. If those tags are missing on your mobile urls, then hreflang will not work as expected. In the screenshot below, you can see a spike in pages without hreflang. There’s clearly a problem with the site publishing hreflang tags on the m-dot.

403s Spike on Desktop (Forbidden) Well, that’s not good. You can clearly see a spike in 403s on the mobile site for some reason. You would clearly want to dig in and find out why that’s happening. That’s a sinister SEO problem that can definitely cause problems rankings-wise. I’ve seen some pages return 403s that load perfectly (so the urls are returning 403s, but they look like 200s).

Missing Titles When using separate mobile urls, it’s easy for some site owners to pay less attention to the m-dot. For example, not properly optimizing each mobile page. In the screenshot below, you can see a spike in missing title tags (where the title tags are completely missing from the page or empty). Again, when your site gets switched to the mobile-first index, the mobile urls and content will be used for ranking purposes. I would not have many urls without title tags when that’s the case.

Broken Images When comparing m-dot to desktop, you might also find problems with the images on your site. Again, many site owners neglect their m-dots as they focus on desktop. Below, you can see a spike in broken images on the mobile subdomain. Broken images could obviously impact image search, while also impact the user experience. It’s hard to have confidence in a site when the page looks broken. And it’s hard for images to rank in image search if they return 404s.

I think you get the picture. As you can see, DeepCrawl can surface many issues when comparing m-dots to desktop sites (and many of those issues could be invisible to the naked eye). When you crawl at scale, you have a better shot at picking up those issues, which can help you fix important problems before your site is switched to Google’s mobile-first index.

Summary: Hacking is not always a bad thing (when DeepCrawl is involved) The process I documented in this post covers a smart way to hack the “test site” feature in DeepCrawl to compare separate mobile urls to desktop. And based on Google’s mobile-first index, and Google’s announcement about mobile page speed becoming a ranking factor, it’s important to compare your mobile and desktop sites now (and not after the fact). Because if you compare them now, you can nip problems in the bud (which can help the site in the short-term and after Google’s changes go live). So hack away. :)

This content was originally published here.

I’ll be With You ‘Til The End

Pairing: Reader x Taehyung

Angst ahead lol.

When we were young:

Our mothers bumped into each other at the grocery store, “Eomma! Who’s that girl!” a small boy asked in while pointing to y/n.

“Yah! Don’t point! It’s rude Taehyung!” nagged the parent. The boy pouted, he only wanted the answer.

Y/n’s parent bent down to his level, “I’m your mother’s friend, this is y/n, they will be staying at your place for a little bit because I need to do some grown-up things. Is that okay with you?” Taehyung looked up to his mother with a questioning face, she chuckled and nodded. Taehyung sneaked a glance at the shy girl that was hiding behind the unfamiliar adult and held out his hand, smiling as he did so,

“Let’s be friends!”

When we were in primary school:

Our parents sent us to the same school, we knew no one but us and some other kids from our neighbourhood. We all ran into our class lines, ready to be welcomed into a neat classroom as the bell rang.

“Good morning students! My name is Mr Jung, I will be your teacher”

The teacher started calling the roll after that was our first lesson: Art.

Paint few here, pencils shreddings were being emptied in the bins, chalks was being scribbled, crayons were being snapped in half.

“Art is my favourite subject” Taehyung stated happily to y/n. Y/n and Taehyung had grown close to each other since the first day they met, they were a troublemaking duo, partners in crime.

“Taehyung! Come sit with us!” Y/n called over. It was lunch-time, Taehyung was sitting on the swing-sets alone, eating his chicken sandwich. Y/n ran over, grabbing his wrist and lunch box, dragging him back to her lunch table with all her other friends. After they all finished eating, they played tiggy with all the other kids until it was home time.

Secondary school, where kids change and grow up, figuring out who they are: “Boys are better than girls!! We’re stronger!”

“Wrong! Strength doesn’t make someone better! It’s OBVIOUS that girls are way better!”

Here we go again, the groups are fighting over the lunch tables, Taehyung could see y/n wasn’t having any fun in this and wanted to get out ASAP. Sneaking over, he held a firm grip on your arm, pulling you outside, sitting you under a tree, starting to eat lunch with you.

“It sucks that you’re taller than me, you’re a girl!”

“Nah, you just haven’t had your growth spurt yet.” you loved teasing Taehyung with your height, it was typical for girls to be taller than most boys at this age, after all, we just hit puberty.

You and Taehyung had kept your distance during your time on the secondary campus, everyone always seems to think that someone was dating even if they were JUST friends.

High-School, we’re mature and fully grown, standards have changed as well:

It wasn’t a surprise that you two got shipped in school, almost the entire year level knew you guys were the bestest of best friends, it was obvious too, you two were the derps of the class.

However, that was when you found out you had a heart disease, a sickness that affects the function of the human heart that could lead to death if not treated. Nobody knew this, only the people in your circle.

The first time you found out, you were crushed, devastated. It caused you to fall into deep depression, but Taehyung was alway there by your side. It took a while to pull you out of your hole of darkness, but he did. Though tears were shredded, you made it out safely, unharmed as well.

You were finally pulled out from diving into darkness, but also fallen back again, but for a different reason… Love.

Which lead to leaving a secret love letter in his locker on Valentine's Day.

University and College, we got separated, but we were only a few blocks away from each other. Could this be fate?:

Laughing filled the dorm room.

“HAHAHAHAHA, STOP IT NOW MY STOMACH HURTS.” one of your colleagues cracked. You just pulled off your prize-winning joke, the best joke you had used since you were young.

Life was good, well, except for the fact that you still had the heart disease and still never told Taehyung how you felt. It was too late now. Since you guys were separated into different study centres, he managed to find a girlfriend. Well, the girlfriend found him really. It hit you hard the moment he told you, but you were happy for him, even though you felt a BIT bitter.

The future - one thing no one can fully predict, nor can they promise success or failure, that could send you to the streets or lead you to your dreams:

You were happy, we had your dream job, you were still young and beautiful, Taehyung had made it through BigHit EntertainmentTM, he was in a group called BTS now. Another thing was that he wasn't dating anymore, the female he went out with turned out to be the brattiest person in the world, she was a backstabber and used him to get what she wanted: to make her crush jealous and date him instead. Leaving Taehyung hanging with haunting memories. You still loved him, you still looked at him with the love you first gave him in an anonymous love letter way~ back in high-school, which you still haven’t told him about… yet.

Halfway through the year, you got an emergency call to go to the hospital.

“Miss (your last name = L/n), I’m afraid your heart can’t take the pressures anymore, you don’t have long left. We estimate you to only live 1 more year, or if we find someone willing to donate their heart, we have no other options.” the doctor said in a sympathetic tone. You broke down, your life was perfect the way it was, a loving best friend, a wonderful job, a beautiful home, what did you do to deserve this?

Later that month, you manage to find to confidence, after getting a grip on yourself and went to Taehyung’s apartment to tell him the news.

3 knocks on the door were all it took for you to suddenly hear someone storming to the door, ripping it open.

“WHY DIDN't YOU TELL ME EARLIER?!” Taehyung screamed, you saw that he had dried tears on his cheeks, flushed cheeks, glassy eyes and red tipped nose. You glanced behind him, seeing a wire bin, filled with squishy tissues, probably from runny snot and tears.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t want to--”

“I AM YOUR FRIEND, no. YOUR BEST FRIEND, I THOUGHT YOU WOULD TELL ME THESE THINGS.” you’ve never seen Taehyung like this before.

You were about to reply when he embraced him in a hug, “I’m sorry for yelling….” you felt your shoulder getting wet, and lead him instead, sitting him down on the sofa.

You both calmed down and consulted, you lightened the mood a little by telling Taehyung his favourite joke. Laughter was heard throughout the night, he invited you to stay at his place for the night.

You only had 3 months left, I promise to give you everything, even if it kills me:

Y/n never felt so alive for so long. Taehyung had shown you places you never thought you’d see, both physically and spiritually. Nothing was on your mind but what was happening at the moment: Taehyung had taught you how to live - to live in the present and not worry about the future nor dwell in the past. You hadn’t seen him in almost 2 months. The first month he had some issues to sort out with his company, before meeting you again. It was only a short visit before he returned home to his mother, staying with her for the month.

You received a letter from the hospital, saying your life expectancy will be confirmed in 3 months. You only had 3 months left….. But you had a lucky chance, you had a healthy heart donor! You were so happy and in bliss. You wanted to call Taehyung and tell him about the notice, but he didn’t pick up. You tried again for the next few days, he still never picked up.

Until the day before you had your transfer:

Taehyung: Don’t worry, you’ll be okay, the surgery will go smoothly. Trust my heart.

I’m sorry, I can’t say good-bye:

You entered the operation room, today was the day you had your heart surgery. You were scared, but you thought of the text Taehyung sent, it calmed you just a little.

When you healed, the first place you went to was Taehyung’s apartment. You kept knocking, but no one answered.

“HelLO!! ANYONE HOME?!” no answer. You found the spared keys to his apartment under the doormat and used it to unlock the door.

You run in the living room, not a sign of life. There were only boxes and the sofa, which had a large white sheet over it.

Slowly, you walked into his room, it was the same as the living room, lifeless, boxes stacked in neat towers, the bed covered in a large white sheet.

You walked around the room, observing everything closely. You passed his desktop, a red note catching your eye.

You picked it up carefully and read it, you realised that it was the same love letter you wrote to him in high school, but there was more writing on the back, with his handwriting;

I’m so, so sorry, be happy and smile for me okay?

I always knew this letter what from you y/n, I always had.

I dated her to get my mind off you, I wanted to do that because I knew we can never be together forever, I wanted to confess, but when I heard you had heart cancer, I made it my goal to get rid of it.

I worked hard to become an idol and make enough money to pay for the surgery, I needed to visit my mother to confirm my decision, it took a while, but here we are.

If you haven't figured it out yet, yes, I am your heart donor.

I always wanted to be beside you, all the way to the end. That’s not gonna happen,

I’ll never be beside you forever, but I will will be with you, inside you, for many years to come.

Now smile my sweet-pie, you’re the apple of my eye, I’ll always be watching, and you’ll always have me....

  From your dearest, Taehyung ♡