#sorry for the essay i just literally dont have another person to talk to about bg3 lmao
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Trying to work out Gale age+ timeline, plus analysis
BG3 is my first introduction to the DnD lore, so this is really just me trying to work out where the BG3 story fits into the broader timeline of DnD. All of this information I got from the Forgotten Realms wiki, so if I'm misunderstanding anything I'd love input!
My goal with this is to guess how Gale's personal story fits into the timeline of the Forgotten Realms, mainly to estimate how old he might be and how long his relationship with Mystra was. According to the Wiki, Mystra was only recently resurrected, which means her relationship with Gale is very restricted in how long it could have been.
Here's Mystra's timeline:
1385 - Mystra dies, the Weave becomes unstable, magic changes, and the Spellplague begins
1395 - the Spellplague mostly ends, but the Weave is still unstable and Mystra is still dead
1479/1480 - Mystra returns with help from Elminster, magic starts to go back to normal
1482 - the Second Sundering begins, which aims to reorder the hierarchy of gods
1484 - gods begin acquiring Chosen mortals in order to cement their power
1487 - Mystra returns to her full power, the Weave is finally restored, and the Second Sundering ends
1488 - prayers to deities are ignored, and instead divine missives are directed through deities' Chosen
1489 - prayers begin to be answered again, while Chosen's powers and gifts are revoked by their patron gods, since they no longer serve a use to their gods. Only a few Chosen retain their powers.
1490 - nothing of note happens, according to the Wiki
1491 - Mystra restricts mind-reading magic. Otherwise, nothing of note happens pertaining to Mystra
1492 - the plot of Baldur's Gate 3 happens
If I understand this timeline correctly, the earliest Mystra could have begun interacting with Gale is the year 1480. But because this is when she had only just been resurrected, this is likely when she began to "mentor" him, and not when their romantic relationship began.
It was probably sometime between 1482-84 that Gale became Chosen and his romance with Mystra began. And if Gale was also one of the many Chosen who were cast aside by their gods in 1489, simply because he was no longer useful, then their romantic relationship would have lasted 9-10 years at most, but more likely was 7-8 years. But still! Nearly a decade of having a close relationship with your patron deity is hugely influential on someone's personality and outlook on life, and definitely explains where a lot of Gale's arrogance and hubris come from.
1480-82 - earliest possible time frame Mystra could have begun interacting with Gale
1482-84 - likely when Gale is Chosen, and the earliest their romance could have started
1489 - Gale likely loses his status as Chosen, and with it his extra powers gifted to him by Mystra. He would have been cast aside for no reason other than he was no longer useful to Mystra. This likely happened with little to no explanation from Mystra, forcing Gale to guess as to why he had been cast aside by his god and lover
1490 - this is likely the year that Gale searches for the "missing Weave" and takes the orb into himself, destroying his innate magical gifts and leaving him weakened and dying
1491 - Gale isolates himself in his tower for a year, depressed and heartbroken
1492 - BG3 plot occurs. One way or another, Gale comes to terms with his relationship with Mystra and manages to remove the Karsite Weave from himself
Gale mentions something about being called "delusional" by his professors when he graduated from wizard college (or whatever it's called). My guess/headcanon is that Gale would have graduated wizard school before Mystra began to mentor him. So he'd be, at the youngest, 21 when she initiates contact with Gale. Gale mentions that he'd been in relationships before Mystra, but that she was his longest partner, and 21 fits that backstory pretty well. This means that Gale is either 30 or 31, at the youngest, when Mystra casts him aside. This puts Gale at approximately 33-35 years old when BG3 occurs.
Another important thing is that, at least from Gale's perspective, he was cast aside by Mystra suddenly and without explanation. This left him having to guess why he was no longer one of her Chosen, which is what motivated him to win back her favor. Unfortunately, by trying to win her back, Gale took in the Karsite Weave, which ate away at his innate magical abilities and left him even weaker than he had ever been before.
Something that sticks out to me about this timeline is what Mystra says to Gale when he's finally able to confront her. She says to him something to the effect of "I would have made you my Chosen again, you just needed to be patient. But because you were impatient, you will never be my Chosen again". Likely the key difference between Elminster and Gale as both being powerful wizards devoted to Mystra is that Elminster understands that Mystra is a goddess, and should be treated with a sort of awe. If she does something that he doesn't understand, he just defers to her judgement as a goddess. But since Gale was in love with her, he treated their relationship like one between mortals, not that between a deity and their faithful. Gale's main folly is that he was in love with Mystra, while she was just using him as a pawn to consolidate her power. She probably wasn't lying to him about him being gifted, and probably would have made him Chosen again when it suited her, but Gale wanted more and couldn't stand the lack of communication, and so those powers were revoked from him.
It's really sad because Gale wanted real love, and wanted to be treated as an equal to Mystra. In a normal, human relationship, begin treated equally by your partner is a normal expectation. But because Mystra is a god and would never acquiesce her power, especially after only very recently regaining full control of it, Gale was doomed to be heartbroken. Also, the fact that Mystra cast Gale aside without telling him why, then didn't warn him that the Weave he found was deadly and would kill him, and then didn't tell him how to fix it, and then told him to kill himself to apologize, then ONLY tells him the truth of the situation after he starts to threaten her power, is super shitty. Can you blame him for any of it when he was literally ghosted by his goddess/girlfriend of 10 years?
The fact that Mystra is one of the "good" gods and can't even be bothered to treat one of her Chosen with decent respect, after manipulating him for his entire adult life, is super messed up. It really ties into the subthemes of BG3 about gods and how they just... really don't give a shit about their followers. Even the "good" ones still only really care about their power and protecting their interests. Like obviously Shar and Vlaakith are evil and treat their followers like shit, but the fact that Mystra does essentially the same thing with zero remorse, and then also blames Gale for all of it and forces him to beg her for forgiveness, is... sad.
And that's why Gale is a sweetheart and deserves all the love. Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk.
#hi im super normal about this game and character#sorry for the essay i just literally dont have another person to talk to about bg3 lmao#bg3#bg3 gale#gale dekarios#gale#bg3 analysis#i also love gale and im like. kinda obsessed with him. wishing he was real rn fr#rambling
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neeed to hear the context behind ur most recent art. please enlighten us
you guys dont even know how excited i get when someone asks smth like this abt my art or headcanons or au.
i actually wrote liek a fucking essay oh my god im so sorry anon ill have the actual drawing context after the big bolded caps
TW for typical creepypasta story type stuff
anyway ok UNNECESSARY BACKSTORY: liu spent a long time trying to just psychologically recover from everything. he hated jeff and he hated the memory of everything. jeff signature murders would occur every now and again, each time liu would fall into a deep depression. the murders stopped for a while, and everyone believed jeff 'retired' or died. liu was conflicted about it. until Jeff committed his final full-blown 'jeff fashion' murder (janes family) in tuscaloosa alabama. liu had another breakdown and ended up moving to tuscaloosa because he was completely convinced he needed to find jeff again because he could fix it (or die trying and he'd be fine with that too)
nina was always one of those girls obsessed with 'true crime' but like.... the murderers instead of the cases. she was 12 when jeff's first rampage happened and she just fell head over heels in love with this freak. she began to act out, miss school for days, sneaking out to meet older people, etc etc. eventually she did the classic jeff smile cut into her face(she pussied out on making it like jeffs, so she has cleaner, less noticeable scars) . she started getting severely bullied (for being creepy and worshipping a literal murderer) and her parents sent her to live with her grandparents in mississpi. she started stalking liu through social media and whitepages when jeff was presumed dead. but eventually, jeff's final murder happened in alabama(a state away from her) and after turning 18, she ran away to go find jeff convinced he would 'save her' from the life she created for herself. nina got wrapped up in slenderman business because of her constant Tom Foolery. she met her idol
JEFF IS A BAD PERSON IN EVERY SENSE OF THE WORD. he did a beautiful job in using his #1 fangirl and enjoying the worship. she scrambled for pennies to afford an apartment, she'd sleep on the couch if he wanted to use her bed, she's ride her bike hours to go get weed or something from rando drug dealers that give better deals to pretty girls, make him food, do his damn laundry, literally anything and everything bc THATS HER MAAANNNNN (no he isnt.)
jeff DOES NOT GIVE A FUUUCK about everything nina does for him . one day he finds her trying to creepily get into contact with liu (and liu actually responded) and he loses his shit and stabs her and goes on and on about how 'you ruined your own useless fucking life your family is never going to take you back you did this to yourself' etc. he didn't intend to kill her only cuz he knew she'd forgive him and he liked all the shit she gave him
NOW ABOUT THE DRAWING ITSELF:::::
afterwards nina gets patched up from jeff stabbing her, she has some weird 'liu will save me' spiral (not romantically just in a very literal 'he can fix this' way). liu's been on his own spiral since finding out jeffs alive which is the only reason he even gave nina the time of day. eventually she ends up at his house to 'talk about jeff' bc she sent him creepy pics proving she knew jeff yadayadayada.
im not sure the exact conversation i imagined for the drawing, BUT liu eventually says something that sets nina off and she tears at her stitches and breaks down and drips blood all over his kitchen talking about 'I CAN MAKE HIM LOVE ME AGAIN I JUST NEED YOUR HELP PLEAAASEEEE' or something.
liu's a good man, much to his own detriment, and can't help but comfort this kid who's bleeding and crying in his kitchen at the fault of his own brother. he's all too familiar with wanting to repair his relationship with jeff, despite the amount of rage, betrayal, misery, etc he felt at jeffs hands. he doesn't ACTUALLY want to reconnect with jeff, but it's a very deep internal longing for the baby brother he once had that VERY RARELY overshadows his hatred
i want to reaffirm that liu does not feel positively about jeff at all, does not want to see him, and only moved to alabama b/c of a long ass mental health crises and is now too wrapped up in new financial commitments(plus jane) to move again. and now he feels obligated to help nina
he just misses being a big brother :( not so much the jeff part
also none of this at all is shipping at all i am terrified at the idea of people taking anything romantically . even if nina is in 'love' with jeff its purely for the story/horror . ITS ALL REALLY BAD
#creeped#hcs#guys i dont know why i keep doing this LMFAO IM SORRY ANON I TALK TOO MUCH I ... theres something in my brain#asks#soisjkhjdgvdkj#should i tag this as liu and nina... ok fuck it#homicidal liu#nina the killer#i literally have no feelings towards jeff as a character.. but the amount of people he ruined in his path ? damn . ok. got me
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THIS TURNED INTO AN ESSAY I'M SO SORRY I DIDN'T EVEN REALIZE I'M JUST VERY LONG WINDED AND THIS BAND WAS THE BIGGEST PART OF MY LIFE FOR LIKE 3 YEARS AND I DIDN'T EVEN GET INTO EVERYTHING W THE GUY I DO TALK ABOUT. PROCEED WITH CAUTION
okay i may as well be like a semi-official as it is scholar (less so in the last several months just due to some me stuff) so i may have a bit of insight but i do wanna say patty is quite literally My Boy like. parasocial relationship aside he is 100% for sure the nicest "celebrity" i've ever met in person and i've met quite a few, his vibes are really just immaculate and as much as i'm able to not knowing him personally i think he's genuinely very sweet and cares a lot about just people in general and also in a really unique turn of events i have literally only heard of a single other band dude that had a problem with him and surprise surprise: it was a palaye royale guy. there was a tiny bit of drama there during warped 2018 which i will recount later if you don't know it already but the entire thing is pretty ridiculous and was not long lasting either. the thing that another anon mentioned with all of then suddenly cutting a member off is i believe to do with andy westhead, who was a former guitarist that ronnie ish took the place of in ~2017/18 (can't exactly remember u get the deal). i do not know this for like certain but i saw a few different things on various social media sites that i believe line up with whatever he was doing on his personal social media that alluded to them deciding to cut ties with him due to some really iffy personal politics of his. i also don't know what those would've been exactly, but i will say i kinda got whiffs of some (BRITISH. HOW) trump supporter and homophobia shit. they're really not a "political" band in terms of their music and presentation of the group but the members themselves have always been pretty open about the fact that they're like. very much not the conservative type of people? like they weren't doing crazy ahead of their time shit or anything and they were usually bro-ing around with a lot of the other white boy pop punk bands but they were always pretty affirming of feminism and lgbt+ people and the like. that was also very close to the time that they were shifting from their kinda generic "it's okay not to be okay" vibe and starting to get into more serious issues and darker themes surrounding mental health and they really 180'd their aesthetic and took a lot of their inspo from like mcr and other aesthetically emo bands and patty (+ben a bit) specifically was starting to present like pretty androgynously so i definitely think that's worth noting when you try to make some sense out of it. they've actually lost quite a few members up to this point now but i don't think there's much to say about the others that isn't like Known, i think ben leaving may have been a little bit messier than they portrayed it but i can't say for sure and it almost definitely wasn't anything other than like purely musical or within the band. they did swap bassists like several years ago and i can't even remember the og guys name but that was like before they'd gotten almost any substantial attention as a band and i literally haven't heard like anything about it at all. it may have been what the other anon was referring to but since i actually had like an idea about andy i figured i may as well shed some light. obv take this with a grain of salt since i don't know them personally and i actually only got very into the band just a bit after the dust had settled on this so there really wasn't much talk of it at that point, i just dove deep like a mfer after i did get into them bc y'know special interest things. would be cool to see if any like Veteran as it is fans have something that'll like blow the lid off this whole thing and prove me wrong lmao
i dont even have much to say this is just so cute LOL…… i love how much u love them :,) patty does genuinely seem sweet i think hes more than made up for his sin of being a youtuber
i wanna hear the warped 2018 if u remember it!!! also yikes @ the conservative bassist but good on them for booting him immediately. im kind of curious abt ben leaving being potentially messier but not even in a like ooh dig up the dirt gotcha way, they seem too nice and generally chill for me to believe theres actually any shit behind the scenes now…… anyway its kind of refreshing to have a band thats just Some Guys (positive) :)
#i love the passion and obsession that clearly went into this im like taking off my hat in respect#thank u for sharing!!#i do kind of want to see patty get butt ass naked i wont lie. maybe i will look up his youtube LOL#mail time!#long post#aii
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Somthing im kinda seething about is like ok so there was this one time i was talking to someone about the mars volta and they went on this whole thing about how the mars volta were just pretentious white guys and how theyd written an essay about how the album art of deloused in the crematorium was like pretentious and colonialist and i was like. Ok but theyre latino. And that person hadnt even known which is baffling to me because so much of their music has latin roots and literally they have latino names and everything like this person hadnt even looked them up as people!! They wrote a whole ass essay about the symbolism of a piece of album art but hadnt even looked into the band or their music or anything.
Another example of this is like i was at the movies with this dude and the trailer for nope plays and he leans over to me and tells me it "looks white gaze-y" and i go "thats the new jordan peele film" and he was like oh... nvm then and im like. Jesus fucking christ!! Just like wait a second!!
Its the same with that study about indian food spices or those tik tok screenshots of the indian woman in norway being surpirised that shit was actually in norwegian like these ppl got fucking duuuuunked when the assumption was they were just some idiot white scientists or tourists but the truth is is that all those people didnt know the full story! Everyone just wants to leap immediately to like the easiest and most apparent bad faith take on a situation but it ends up just making you look fucking stupid and reactionary. All im saying is like. Wait until you have like Some Information before you go and like pick a battle abt some shit you dont know jack about!!
And i am sorry for the inflammatory language in this post and shit but it actually makes me angry cuz like the immediate leap to a bad faith take on a situation, such as assuming something is created or stated by a white person, obfuscates the intentions and messages of poc people and just leads to more ostracization and ridicule of the very people we should be standing up for and defending and shit. The practice just goes back around to supporting the white-as-default as the immediate assumption!! Its like actually erasure but its not called out as an actual issue because the interperatation of the situation stops and ends with "oops, we assumed a white person made that! You know how white people can be" But where is the acknowledgement of that disrespect to the people of color whos experiences have been viewed through and assumed to be the white lense? To people whos work is immediately scrutinized as being white, and so being bad without even a second thought? To the fact that your assumption has totally changed the context through which a person of color's art, their work, their lives are viewed and opined upon? It makes me fucking sick
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hey quick question is having adhd and good grades a more common thing than google tends to say
#like i get really good grades but a feel like every single thing i see about adhd i can relate to#and im wondering if thats a thing that happens more often than people usually say#or whether people with anxiety normally relate to all that stuff?#like ive heard that anxiety can cause forgetfulness and i know that a lot of people w anxiety need things to keep their hands busy#so i guess i could contribute it to just that#but i always need something to keep my hands busy most in algebra so i always call that my ‘anxiety hour’ but it’s really not. i dont feel#anxious exactly just restlessness and now that i think abt it i move my hands there so much to help me focus not to distract me from anxiety#and im also really bad at managing bigger projects like slideshows and essays both timewise and focuswise if im not genuinely interested#which i guess you can contribute to procrastination aka another symptom of anxiety#but idk :/ what im trying to say is should i actually bring this stuff up to someone or am i just blowing things out of proportion#personal#i mean i wouldnt go so far as to say i struggle w school and projects#just that im pretty bad at getting myself immersed in them if i dont care and that half the time i lose track of time going back and forth#between said projects and distractions or literally just staring at the screen#cause. i can do it fine if i force myself to believe i am interested in the topics and if i dont get overwhelmed#and it’s not like i dont pick up on info super fast as long as i have my own methods to pick up on it so???#i dont know ahdhfjfk ignore me#also let me make it clear i am not trying to self diagnose!!!#im just wondering if it would be reasonable to talk to someone w the qualifications TO diagnose something if it’s there#sorry this ramble turned out way longer than intended
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Hey! I’ve watched all of the show, the nge movies (rebuilds included) and the nge manga and I was wondering if you know of anymore canon/offical nge stories or content. I’ve seen some light novel series at my local bookstore but in general idk if there’s more Eva stories and series out there and what’s actually worth reading. Thanks! I love your blog!
short answer: there is SO much (too much) nge spin-off content and for the most part all of it is both non-canonical and unnecessary. off the top of my head the only thing I wholeheartedly 100% rec is khara’s ‘until you come to me’ animation (amv?), which is really beautifully done and, also, free.
also ive drafted this post like uh......4 times now and kept accidentally losing it so VERY sorry for the wait!! if it seems a lil slapdash i was tired of writing the same stuff again and again lol
extremely long answer under the cut (and links will be in a rb). somehow this became a fully fledged field guide to nge spin off content bc i am physically incapable of brevity so w/o further ado or whatever:
ok so i’ll try to make this as comprehensive + comprehensible as possible but,as I said, there is a loooot of content and I, shockingly, have thoughts on most of it. let’s organize by categories
Manga:
Every single nge spin off manga is bad in shades and variations, ranging from ‘just kind of uninteresting’ to ‘genuine human atrocity’. Raising Project is probs the most well known and is one of my least favourite pieces of content that has ever been put onto this earth. it coalesces all of the worsts parts of both evangelion and evangelion fans and can’t even manage a decent art style on top of that. there is nothing redeemable about raising project.if you see a copy out in the world please do me a favour and tear it apart w your teeth <3
Aside from That, the other big ‘alternate universe’ manga are probably Angelic Days, Campus Apocalypse, and maybe Petit Eva. I do not care much for Angelic Days or Campus Apocalypse but they are definitely not as deeply repellent as sirp. Petit Eva is, as far as I’ve seen, kind of your usual chibi comedy stuff so if youre looking for something extremely lighthearted that might be for you? I havent interacted w Petit Eva pretty much at all frankly so I’m not exactly sure whats going on there.
Shinji Ikari Detective Diary is another AU manga which I have actually been meaning to read for like......ages but have never gotten around to. It’s (as you can probably guess) a mystery series, which I’m usually into, and I havent personally heard anything bad about it, so I’ll cautiously rec looking into it. if you do and find some good scans feel free to send me way <3
finally, there’s Tony Takezaki’s parody manga, which is just like...a bunch of parody/satire comics. I do actually own it (bc I loooovvveeeee genocyber) and the art is great and its genuinely funny (given you like takezaki’s weird, kind of raunchy humor). He has a comic making fun of fan service that ends w fuyutski beating the shit out of gendo as ‘real fan service’ so like. I do genuinely recommend this one.
Novels:
Not a true ‘novel’ but Eva 1 + Eva 2 is an anthology featuring some essays, as well as comics and illustrations. It is a lot of silly shitty fanservice though, so ymmv. I dont own it (yet) but its on my radar literally exclusively because of Obata’s fucking incredible cover art.
The actual ‘novel’ that youre probably talking about is ANIMA, which is a canon divergence exploring a future where Shinji managed to completely circumvent Instrumentality. I haven’t picked up the last volume since it came out last year, so I can’t speak on it as a whole, but I like ANIMA well enough to recommend it. It reads kind of like an extremely dedicated sci-fi/cyberpunk fanfic, frankly, with that same kind of wildly convoluted but entertaining plot and much more of a focus on idealised character interactions and the ‘wow cool robot’ of it all. Actually, its kind of entirely ‘wow cool robot’ tbh, or at least the best parts are, but Ikuto Yamashita (the writer) was nge’s mech designer so that’s no surprise.
the writing is nothing stellar and it can get fanservicey in a very eyeroll kind of way, but if you go in w reasonable expectations it’s pretty entertaining. like i said, it feels very fanfic but in a ‘200k wordcount crazy worldbuilding fix it fic’ kind of way.
ANIMA expands waaaaaAAYYY more on the evas, which can be cool but does definitely indulge in some ridiculous mecha shit and, i cannot stress this enough, a lot of deeply convoluted and absolutely fruit looped sci-fi plot shit. it does actually literally feature something called ‘Super Eva’ and iirc mari is a cat girl who pilots some kind of wolf robot so yknow... ymmv
theres a buuunch of illustrations included and all the concepts for the evas are very cool and the concepts for the kid are very bad. probably it should be illegal for him to draw asuka ever again
Video Games:
there are too many nge video games. way too many. did you know about the typing game??? what about the multiple STRIP mahjong games???? or the pokemon/tomogatchi game where you hand raise an angel from birth while playing as KAJI???? the detective game where kaworu straight up fucking human murders gendo???
they wrung nge for everything it was worth in the 90s, though ig having a million fucking titles was probs super useful for all that tax fraud
some highlights:
Battle Orchestra: this is the only one i’ve ever really played and it is very fun and very of its time. a pretty straightforward fighting game but ft a big combat polygon
Second Impression: this is the second nge game to be released and i am fucking obsessed with it. what i would not give for there to be a translation available. as far as I have ever been able to tell its sort of a vaguely canon ‘side story’ about joining a band and also befriending a new girl who eventually transforms into a giant fucking horrifying bug angel. its a kind of proto kaworu storyline but gross and i want it so SO bad.
rei ayanami raising project: this is I guess basically a pet raising game except the pet is pre-series rei ayanami. you get to choose what clubs and hobbies she has and the coordinating pictures are genuinely incredible and ill 100% be posting some later. nonsense but there IS a dress up portion so like. might be worth.
Girlfriend of Steel 1 & 2: GOS 1 has the rando brunette that you see all over the place and so like idk shout out to her i guess and if you want to know the context behind that feel free to check it out, but it frankly seems extremely fucking boring and also has GOD awful asuka characterisation so. pass.
GOS 2 is the one where you can kind of date kaworu and afaik thats the only notable thing about it
Angel Rising: this is the pokemon/tomogatchi kaji game and despite how baffling it is conceptually i do actually love the artstyle and am deeply considering playing it myself. also, it does apparently give some good insight into Kaji. a new english translation came out last march so its like actually one of the most accessible of all of these somehow.
Evangelion 2 has the ‘Classified Files’ which is a tenuously canon supplemental info dump, but god is in his heavens and thats all fully available + translated online so we do not have to bother playing Evangelion 2
Secret of Evangelion: I actually know almost nothing about this but ive heard it may have some interesting info on instrumentality? it is very VERY much On My Radar and may be worth checking out
there are so, so many others but i am just so tired.
Animation:
There are a few Petit Eva OVAs which are all in the same silly slice-of-life style and seem mostly whatever except for an episode which is, as far as i can tell, entirely about up-skirting asuka so like. yknow what actually fuck petit eva
MORE IMPORTANTLY in like 2015ish Studio Khara had the ‘Japan Animator Expo’ where they released anime shorts made by a bunch of different people. it’s actually where me!me!me! came from, and plenty of other very very cool shorts were put out during the expo’s run. Another Impact and until you come to me were both part of the Expo and are extremely fucking good. Another Impact got a lot of hype, which was well-deserved but DID briefly spark a whole ‘live action nge’ thing which is, actually, my manchurian candidate sleeper cell trigger phrase. until you come to me is much less ‘flashy’ and didn’t get as much attention, but its so so beautiful and you should all go watch it immediately.
if you have managed to bear reading through this whole thing just know that you are my favourite and im giving you a lil kiss on the forehead
#i am so SO so so sorry for both the wait time on my answer and the length#i write clickbait for a living now and i think thats made my cant shut up disease even fucking worse#nge#evangelion#neon genesis evangelion#i got WAY too into this and like maybe its bc i havent gotten to dig into nge for a while or maybe its the uppers who is 2 say#later.....ill rb with links. watch the skies or whatever#asks#this has been a text post#refs
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n/s//f///w text ahead and also so much stupid, get out while u can
context because god, all of this needs context or else you'll think im nuts (or, well, more nuts than you guys already surely think i am):
kay so on twitter i was talking with BecktheBeetle and ilong_musk about marius thirst and we somehow got to discussing subby marius. which! i am very much into and i replied with, and i quote "my problem is i want him subby for everybody but also i love luke subby for everybody as well. so i have to like...have a hierarchy. marius bottoms for all nxx except for luke, where suddenly his top vibes activate."
to which BecktheBeetle replied with "I’ll need this in a 1k word essay format complete with diagrams please" possibly in a facetious nature but i love writing 1k word things and making diagrams
which is why this post (probably the dumbest but also the funnest thing ive ever done) happened
my unholy nxx polycule sex hierarchy dynamics hc
wc: 1.5k (1.4k if not including flimsy context above to justify all this)
disclaimers: dont take this seriously. i didnt. definitely do not expect any character analysis rationale in this either, this is wholly just my own self indulgent preferences for the characters. also, this is mostly for the laughs and i feel the need to state the obvious that theres no hard and fast "rule" and definitely no "hierarchy" for how sex dynamics must work. switching is a thing, power isnt a requirement, and yadda yadda, pls dont take sex lessons from ppl online, especially not me, is what im tryna say
anyway, before i talk about bottoms or subs or sex in relation to the tot characters
i first have to explain to you a boardgame called Game Of The Generals
Game Of The Generals (GG) is a filipino board game and im so sorry i had to use it for this but it's the most fitting framework my brain could figure out and i Needed A Framework.
this boardgame is like chess in the sense that theres two sides and one side is tryna defeat a key piece (for GG, it's the flag) to win. unlike chess tho, the pieces have ranks, these ranks determine the pieces that piece can defeat, and the player can only see the ranks of their own pieces (thus necessitating a 3rd party called an adjutant (JUST REALIZED THATS BASICALLY AN ADJUDICATOR OMG, HI VYN) who is not on either side and whose purpose is just to check which piece wins when one piece goes into the box of another piece)
but the ranks r whats most important to this deranged ramble.
the picture above lists all 15 ranks (which i hope tumblr lets u see clearly). the ones at the top are the strongest and can eliminate everything under it EXCEPT when you get to the Private and Spy. the Spy is supposedly the strongest piece because it can defeat Literally Everything
except for the Private. which is the 2nd weakest piece on the board (1st weakest being the flag). it's horrendously weak but its wildcard power is that it is the ONLY PIECE OF ANOTHER RANK that can defeat the Spy.
i say "of another rank" because in GG, if two pieces of the same rank try to challenge each other, the one who attacks first is the one who wins. EDIT: WOKE UP IN A DAZE AND REALIZED I MISREMEMBERED THIS. IF TWO PIECES ATTACK, BOTH OF THEM ARE ELIMINATED. first strike wins only applies to flag vs flag. i can fix this still
got all that? cool. im now taking that list of GG ranks and pieces and condensing it and editing it for my terrible mission
LET ME BREAK THIS DOWN
"eliminate" in this sex ramble now becomes "im the one with the reins" which can either mean topping or being dominant cuz a person can totally have a dick in them and still be steering the show
the Private rank now has two special variants: "with rights" and "without" rights and this is in regards to how they can eliminate the Spy and i swear to god i'll explain that more in detail later, trust me. still, the original rule of "if two pieces of the same rank fight, the one who makes the first move eliminates the other" still applies even among these variants. so if Private Without Rights attacks first at Private With Rights, Private Without Rights eliminates the other
EDIT: so same rank actually means both ranks lose. so both Privates get eliminated. this can still work in my favor tho, trust me
note that for both Privates, i say that there is only the capability to eliminate the Spy. meaning that theres still a possibility they themselves can be eliminated by the Spy
i say this in the beginning of the post but i'll say it again: dont take this seriously. i certainly am not.
with these new pieces in place, i now put forth my hc via assigning a piece to each member of the nxx investigation team
from this alone, i think a good chunk of my thoughts are expressed, but lemme walk through them so you appreciate my hardship
mc is the most powerful. she can rail the hell outta everybody (including both privates but not always. but i'll get to that later) and they will say "thank you" with hearts in their eyes (and come just all over their body)
vyn and artem are in the middle of this insane sex sandwich with vyn just one star more powerful than artem. which means that vyn can bend artem over the desk in his dumbass minimalist study in his apartment but should mc want to give vyn the strap not even 5 minutes after that (or, hell, even during), hes happy to oblige.
marius and luke are at the bottom of the this horny power ladder and i realize, fuck, i rlly should have formatted the above image in a line but it's too late to turn back now. anyway, MARIUS AND LUKE ARE THE BOTTOMEST OF BOTTOMS, THE SUBBIEST OF SUBS. they are getting fucked and pushed around sexily so so much and are having a blast
to visualize, heres a chart. red arrows are the straightforward ones. the place where the red arrow originates from is The One Who Fucks and the place where the red arrow points to is The One Who Gets Fucked. orange lines are a bit more nuanced because i messed with the Private rank
but yea, thats it!
now that thats been said, i will explain wtf ive done with the Private rank
see, i wanted mc to be a Spy because while shes the most powerful, theres still one piece she can fall at the hands (or dick) of. and in my mind, the one she hands the reins over to easiest and happiest is Luke Pearce.
because i know in my heart that luke fucks like a one man demolition squad (linked is a meme visualizing this)
so i knew luke had to be a private. but then i go back to what i said that started this whole thing: i want luke to be the one getting fucked if hes with marius. but i also want marius to be a bottom, just not with luke where i want him to top. but i dont wanna rank marius higher because i think the brat doesnt deserve it (i say this affectionately) but i couldnt rank luke lower to be the flag cuz then thatd mean he loses the capability to top mc.
i was in a conundrum! i wanted all these things but the pieces of GG didnt allow me to do this!
so my solution is to deviate from GG a little bit
i split the Private rank into two variants to compensate how pathetic (affectionate, horny) i find marius von hagen to be while still keeping his dick advantage with luke.
see, when luke and marius (same rank) are going into the same square (//waggles eyebrows), i remind you about the rule concerning same ranked pieces facing off: the one who attacks first eliminates the other. and in my mind marius, more often than not, is the one pouncing on luke.
so by sheer virtue of speed caused impatient desperation and incessantly whorish vibes, marius wins.
EDIT: due to my oversight on same ranked pieces, the edited rationale is now that luke is bottoming physically but because of luke's inherent genuine tenderness present at all times, marius, even when topping, is still bottoming emotionally. at the end of the day tho after the Feels, marius still feels smug superior cuz at least He Made The Move First. which luke thinks is super dumb but he got great cummies out of it so fine. he'll let it pass. told ya i could make it work
OK LASTLY....LASTLY....THE LAST THING I HAVE TO EXPLAIN: the whole "capability" thing i invented for the Private variants
luke, a Private With Rights, gets to top mc basically whenever she wants him to. which is probably more of a service top situation but from time to time she Does wanna have a go with Agent Raven and maybe play a very coy target he has to sexy threaten honeypot. when mc is not in the mood for luke going that route, luke always surrenders because for him, it is an absolute joy
marius, a Private Without Rights, is submitting because he wants to and enjoys it but also he makes it such an Ordeal. if luke is obedient even if he really really wants to come and always says "please" like a good boy, marius is Not That.
marius is whining, marius is on purpose riling people up cuz it's gonna get him one hard fucking, marius is misbehaving so that somebody will set him straight (ha! as if!)
so mc is kjsdfkJBKJ NOT GIVING HIM THE SATISFACTION SO EASILY!! hes such a brat!!! so he has a much more difficult time winning in the whole rank business because shes being rightfully stubborn against him being Like That
however, she will give him a reward if he earns it
and the process of earning it is just a long grocery list of being everybody else's boytoy for a Long While.
im suddenly now angry because i designed all this to put marius at a disadvantage but......if hes getting fucked on the reg by the team, hes winning anyway. i was tricked. fooled. BAMBOOZLED!
curse you, marius von hagen!!!!!!!!!!
#tears of themis#tears of themis headcanons#just take this as it is HAHAKJDSFDKHGBSD. GNIGHT LMAO#tears of themis crack
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Ahhhhhh
Ok, so this might become a bit of a long post. After reading the latest Kono oto Tomare! chapter, i just have to get these feelings off my chest. It'll be random & full ramblings.
i put some panels of chapter 105 but also from 99.5 in this post.
-> lot of spoilers, so read at your own risk <-
this wont be a review or something. I just want to ramble and scream.
First of all, Chikas father . . .
I have literally no fucking words for this sorry excuse of a father! seeing this flashback made me wanna puke my fucking guts out on the floor.
how much do you have to sink as a human being to make YOUR VERY OWN CHILD think this?
What kind of human scum do you have become to tell to YOUR VERY OWN SON " It's hell. Ever since you were born, Its always been hell." ?! What kind of heartless huge shit being do you have to be to treat your very own son like he's the worst, like he isnt worth of human affection or care?!
While Chika was scared & uncomfortable, because he punched someone for the first time to defend himself, instead of talking about it the father looked at him like he was dirt.
When Chika went to the Takaokas that day in Chapter 99.5, he brought back come of the selfmade cake from Tetsukis mum, because he wanted to share it with his father, he thought he could make him happy.
look at this adorable sweet baby bean? how dare you make him cry. ༼;´༎ຶ ༎ຶ༽
Imagine a little smiling chika hoping his father would come back early from work to share this delicious cake with him. . . and THEN! imagine the father telling chika in his drunk state all those horrible things, while chika still cares for his father and put a blanket on him to keep him warm. Only for the faher to say ".. I cant bringt myself to love you."
We read in the latest chapter that his mother left with another man, chika cant even remember her face, because he was 2 years old. If its because of the dad, why wouldnt she take chika with her? i dont care whatever her business is, she is as much to blame as this human trash called father. There were so many moments were i had to pause for a bit cause these scenes were too heartbreaking.
Of course Chika would never treasure himself when never once did his father! How should he know how to hold himself dear, when his father never did?
I cant find even the words to describe, what i'm feeling. I feel so sick to my stomach.
I'm so glad that he had his grandpa who cherished him and gave Chika affection. He always encouraged Chika. "Hey, Chika. Dont give up on yourself" & showed him the Koto. He & Tetsuki literally pulled Chika out of the deep darkness & showed him light.
Look Chika, they're all waiting for you! T____T
- - - - - - -- - - - - - -
When Tetsuki transfered into Chikas class, a boy told him that he shouldnt get involved with chika because he's a loner & he's trouble. He said "Instead you can be friend with us" to which Tetsuki replied "Thanks. But no thanks." IN YO FACE YOU SHITTY BULLY CHILD.
Anyways, after school the boy & his friends planed to isolate Tetsuki & bully him . . welp, these boys forget chika "LAME. You guys are super lame." and off they go :'D thank to these shitty children ⬇️
a wonderful unbreakable friendship started! They became best friends who were inseparable. /chikas adorable blush q.q sweet baby bean!!!
When Chika had an argument with his father & left the house, he was bullied by middles schoolers & fought. . . it was then when they started to slowly fall apart.. Chika started to avoid Tetsuki & isolated himself again. Even when Tetsuki tried to ask what happened or tried to help him, Chika would only say "Its got nothing to do with you, do dont butt in." Tetsuki blamed himself "If only I had been there the first time Chika had fought. Maybe we could've run. Maybe we could've feigned defeat. Anything so he didnt have to deal with their attention. Any maybe he would still be . . ." He missed his best friend & was worried what would happen to Chika if he keeps going on like this..
Tetsuki was told by the teacher that his mother had an accident & needs surgery. He's waiting anxious in the hospital, hoping for the best, trying to keep the worst case thoughts away . . thats when Chika comes running into the hospital he was worried!
NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS THEIR FRIENDSHIP IS SIMPLY PERFECTION, I CANT!!! ૮₍ ꒦꒳꒦ ₎ა❤
When Tetsukis dad said to Chika that he heard a lot about him from his wife & thanked him for supporting Tetsuki, he asked about his wounds & if they hurt. . thats when Tetsuki learns the reason, why chika kept his distance from him. He didnt want to involve him or put him in danger. "E-Everything's fine! I'm not hanging out with Tetsuki anymore, nobody's seen us together, nobody knows we're friends or anything. I would never drag him into my problems. Never."
Takaoka-papa is as wonderful as Takaoka-mama, jesus the Takaoka family is a bunch of lovely human beings, help me!!!
BONUS:
WHY ARE THEY SO DAMN WONDERFUL??/Tetsuki is so happy for chika *ugly sobbing deluxe*
I'm so glad that that he had Tetsuki right beside him, i dont wanna imagine what would have happened to Chika without his support & affection.
For me, they have one of the most wonderful & most strongest bond ever. I love their friendship so much, seriously i could probably write an essay about them & would never be able go stop. 🥺❤❤❤
Chika went through so much already, he fought his way through life, suffered, so NOW! Let him finally become happy!
Ufff, i didnt mean to make it THIS long.. but there's so much to say about this manga & the relationships chika made or the persons met.ヾ( இ⌓இ)ﾉﾞ
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OBLIVIATE | D.M. ABANDONED FIC OUTLINE
Hello~
I’ve had this fic for @fuckingdraco ‘s writing challenge outlined for almost a year now. Half of it is a skeleton; i have some scenes which are fully written out and others which are just first drafts and idea dumps. this is quite literally copied and pasted so good luck if you read it.
I never had the heart to completely delete it but never liked it enough to write it; so here is my 2.2k draft fo what would’ve been a series.
If anyone decides to read it, be warned, it’s a mess. i just didnt want it to die in my notes so it’s having a life here, in my new section of my masterlist ‘fics that never saw the light of day’.
warnings: memory loss, fight scenes, gore, fighting
//
Being in a secret relationships had its ups and downs
You had to sneak around
But that just made the moments you were together so much more meaningful
You couldn’t brag about him to your friends
But the both of you were quite private people anyways, explaining your absences as studying in odd places
No one ever found out
It was just you and draco
The summer of 5th year was hard as he spent all of it in the south of France with his family
But it made coming back in 6th year so much more exciting
your fingers ached to touch him as you walked past his carriage
It was moments like this that you wish you could openly love him
But when your friends started gossiping about how Harry Potter thought he’d become a death eater, you were suddenly glad you weren’t linked to him publicly
That thought itself set a heavy weight of guilt on you
He came back in 6th year and he had changed
His kisses lost their spark
His eyes lost their light
He’d fuck you rough and hard, almost as if forgetting himself. Before making it up to you in the next instance
Slow love making that made you feel like you had just slept with an entirely different person
You followed him
You supposed you shouldn’t have
But he was skipping meals and you couldn’t exactly talk to his friends when they didn’t know you
You couldn’t confide in your friends as they wouldn’t understand
So you had no other choice
You followed him throughout the nights, and every time you would find him slipping into the room of requirement when he should’ve been slipping into bed with you
Once you had gauged what time he usually went and on what days you yourself went, 10 minutes before he was due
You watch as he fiddles around some ancient looking cupboard and you wonder why you’re jealous of a dead tree taking up dracos time
You watch as he sends things through, until finally it works for him
But its not happiness on his face nor relief
It looks like dread
He doesn’t look like he’s accomplished something, no there was no way
You watch as he takes off his tie, throwing it in the pile of robes and jumper
You watch as he rolled up the sleeves to his arms, the arms that had held you up more times than you could count
And you watch as the dark snaking lines of the dark mark are exposed on your lovers skin
His eyes whip round to see yours, instantly widening in fear
It isn’t until you try to walk towards him and he throws his hands up to stop you do you realise the shattered glass littered around you
He flicks his wand and you walk over, standing in front of him trying to figure out why
“How did you hide it from me for so long.”
“Simple charms, I was hoping you wouldn’t have to find out.”
More dialogue where he explains
“I don’t have a choice.”
“You always have a choice.”
Draco please
“I can’t, I had to take this on my skin because my father fucked up”
“If I, if I stop now, I cant save my mother”
“Draco please, we can find a way around this”
You kiss him
And it feels like you’ve both gone back to before 6th year
When times were simpler
When he loved you and you loved him and that was it
No other interruptions
“Oblivate”
PART 1
“Y/n?”
“I’m sorry, do I know you?”
“Draco Malfoy, we share some classes but we haven’t spoken before.”
“Oh, im sorry, of course. I’m really tired I dont usually forget peoples names I swear. I must’ve been so tired I wandered in, I apologise.”
“It’s okay, the doors over there.” You take that as his polite cue of asking you to leave
He offers a tight smile, one you remember from first year, one you remember seeing across the hall as he’s shut down by Harry Potter
Poor guy must be going through something
“Y/n”
you turn, you dont even hesitate. You dont know what it is but you feel as if you’ve known him all your life
You change and you see a gold ring dangling from a dainty gold chain. You ask your friends if they’ve seen it before
im forgetting so much these days
But you keep it on, it brings you an odd sense of comfort
You keep it tucked beneath your blouse, bringing it to you lips on occasion when youre anxious.
//
He had forgotten about his ring, the very ring you had clasped between your thumb and finger as you worked on your essay. How was he possibly supposed to get it from you
he’s well aware he’s staring but his mind is whirling
He needs that ring
“Draco, isn’t that your ring?”
He should’ve obligated himself, that might’ve been easier
“I’m sure it just looks similar.”
“Draco, we both know that’s the Malfoy famlily crest, I wondered why you stopped wearing it.”
“Wait did she steal it?”
misplaced it
She picked it up
He had to awkwardly walk over to pick it up
“That’s my ring.” You had told him all about how your friends hated him and how you had feigned indifference the entire time
He had to act the part
Youre flustered, eyes flicking between the ring and him, fingers clasping it tighter as if not wanting to let it go
He notices and his heart clenches at the sight
Remembering the night he gave it to you
*flash back*
“I’m so sorry, I must’ve picked it up by accident here.”
“Wait, how do you even know it’s his, prove it Malfoy.”
“My vaults could buy Hogwarts, why would I be stealing gold from a nobody?”
Your cheeks flare up and your friends glare at him but see his side
You struggle to unclasp it, and of course you fucking do because his stupid fucking ass charmed it so only he could take it off
he watches as you struggle with it, turning to a friend to help before you have 6 girls pulling at the very expensive chain on your neck
“For fucks sake youre going to damage it, let me.”
Your breath hitches as his surprisingly warm fingers brush your hair out of the way, fingers working quick to unclasp the necklace, the weight of it leaving your neck and you feel surprisingly empty
“Thank you.”
You watch as he goes, your fingers scratching over your neck, feeling something bubble in your throat
This was pathetic, you were so sad over something that was never yours in the first place
You spend the remainder of the time trying to figure out how you cam to be in possession of it in the first place
//
your name is written in beautiful cursive on a letter that you cannot help but love
You turn it over to see a beautiful wax seal on it, fingers trembling as you break it
The chain is yours.
d.m.
You tilt the envelope over into your hand to feel the familiar weight of the chain in your hand, clasping it around you neck in an instant
You look in the mirror but you dont recognise yourself
Your friends are surprised when you study with them
When you go back to your dorm room at a reasonable time
And you dont have a clue where it is they think you go
But how could you possibly explain to someone what you font remember
The chain is too light around you neck, its just not the same, it feels as if it’s chocking you rather than bringing you comfort
You start digging through your trunk and draws, looking for something to act as a pendant before you finally do.
Hidden at the back of one of your draws you find a little velvet box you dont remember stashing away. But then again, you dont seem to be remembering much these days.
Its a tiny little constellation of stars, charmed to sparkle and you heart wonders why you had never worn it before. It was a simple little charm but once hooked onto the necklace, you look at yourself in the mirror and finally feel as though a little part of you has returned.
PART 2 THE CONSTELLATION IS DRACO
6th and 7th years are a blur
A blur of horror
You dont really understand how life had changed so abruptly
You dont know how you end up fighting in a war at the age of just 18 but here you are
Draco stands with Hogwarts
And then his mother calls
You’ve seen him
Of course you have
You know what he is, know what his parents are
But you also know what he has done to make Hogwarts more bearable for you under the Carrows watch
The small things, diverging attention away from you and your friends
He wasn’t evil and some part of you knew that
You watch as he takes a shuddering breath and starts to walk
You watch as no one stops him
You watch as he loses more of his soul with each step towards mr no-nose
You dont know why you do it
You run
Your friends call your names, teachers joining in
They think youre joining the other side, they think youre fucked in the head, as they had since that incident in 6th year
But no, you were just missing something
you catch up to him pretty quickly, pulling him to a stop
“Ah, another to join my cause. Welcome young lady.”
“You know me. Im missing something but whenever I’m with you, whenever im holding this stupid constellation close to my heart, I feel at ease. Why”
he stares at you incredulously, and why wouldn’t he. Youre in the middle of a battlefield, Harry Potter has just been declared dead and Voldemort is less than a meter away
But you dont feel scared
And you feel stupid for not feeling scared
“It has felt like I dont even know who I am for the past 2 years, what did you do to me?”
You know everyones watching, you can hear the gasps on both sides as they think the worst of him
“I did what was necessary.” That was the first time he had spoken more than 2 words to you since he had gotten his necklace back that day in the library
“Draco, this is no time to be flirting. Come join me, bring her with you if you want.”
He tenses as voldy rests a boney hand on his shoulder, pulling him towards the other side, away from you
“If you won’t be joining us, we will use you an example of what will happen if you dont join us.”
You stare at him unfazed, fear was something you had gotten used to
Your fingers grip your wand in hand, running through all the spell harry had taught you in the da but its not enough
You are no match for voldy as he throws an unforgivable at you
You hear screams around you but all you hear is silence, as if the world had finally gone silent
//
Draco watched as the spell hit you directly in the chest. He had spent 2 years living with his actions all for it to have gone to naught in a single second
He watched as the light from his wand hits you
Before rebounding off you as if it hit a shield
There’s a flash of black and his mother is infront of him, wand out from deflecting the spell from bouncing back and hitting him
“Mother?”
“She’s important to you?”
“She gave him one of the fucking family heirlooms, either she’s important to him or he’s an idiot”
His parents were… bickering in the middle of a battle
voldy recollects himself but before he can talk neville speaks up “I have no idea what’s going on but-”
Draco drowns out the noise as he stares at you on the floor, youre covered in dust and in blood but youre alive
He hears screams as harry rolls from hatreds arms, he hears the cries from death eaters but all can see is you
“We’re switching sides now?”
“I mean he’s fairly distracted, he won’t have time to hunt us down, we owe it to our son.”
Fight scene
You remember everything
Fred Weasley teases the both of you, “we have a war to win, you can fuck later.”
He copy his lazy grin, a grin that lights you up, a grin that reminds you what’s left to fight for
You see the spell before he does
Youre in an arms reach of him but Draco cant reach you in time
You push Fred to the floor, putting yourself in the line of fire by default and draco has to watch you get hit all over again
“We need to talk about what exactly it is ive been wearing around my neck this entire time.”
“I think only my mother can answer that.”
[if you made it this far, send me an ask with the word ‘chicken’ and i’ll send you a cursed photo xx]
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snapshot | l.jn
pairing: lee jeno x reader
genre/ warnings: smut, thigh riding, hand jobs, masturbation
words: 2.6k
Jeno is going to pass out.
It’s not because of the lack of sleep he had gotten, the fact that he’s about to miss the deadline for his essay, or because he’s been eating like shit the whole week. It’s not even because of the disgustingly graphic horror movie Renjun had made him watch. It’s because you, his very attractive roommate, have sent him a picture.
Nothing like the normally cute selfies you normally send him, or the ones taken from an awful angle to get a laugh out of him. This one’s sexy. Blue lace just barely covers your breasts, your necklace fitting perfectly in your cleavage. Your lips are parted slightly but they’re swollen, as if you’ve been biting them.
The sheer speed with which all the blood in his body rushes to his cock is fast enough to make him lightheaded almost immediately, and he stares at the picture long enough that it’s permanently ingrained behind his eyelids. Which is a problem. A big, big problem.
He realizes just how big of a problem it is when he gets a hand around his cock, guilt swimming in his stomach as he realizes that he’s about to jerk off to his roommate. His wonderful, lovely roommate who he is friends with. Did he have a mild crush on you? Yes. But your relationship is nothing but strictly platonic. And yet...
Even when he puts his phone away, he can’t stop thinking about that picture. You must’ve sent it to him on accident. Why else would he get that picture?
His phone dings and he opens it, hoping it’s Jaemin asking him to play video games. Lord knows he needs the distraction.
It’s not.
It’s you again. The attachment is a video this time, and holy fuck. The video starts with a shot of your legs, a pair of matching blue panties that just barely cover your pussy. There’s a soft moan, and Jeno’s ears strain to pick up on it.
“I’m so wet for you.” You sigh, letting your fingers slip under the fabric. A gasp leaves you at the feeling and Jeno wishes that he could see what you’re doing, but the fabric blocks his view and he wishes that he could rip it off of you. “God, I wish you were here with me. You’d fuck me so well.”
You move your fingers up to the camera and fuck, you really weren’t lying when you said you were wet. The digits are glistening and Jeno audibly moans. He fucking ascends when you pop the digits in your mouth, moaning around them obscenely. The video ends and yet Jeno is too overwhelmed you process anything, just sits there with his phone in his hand and his eyes glued blankly to his wall.
He can’t stop the images from playing in his mind, but he manages to pull it together enough to come up with a response.
Jeno [11:53pm]
did you mean to send this to me?????
Roomie [11:54pm]
huh
OH HOLY FUCK
NO
IM SO SORRY PLEASE DELETE THOSE
HOLY SHIT
Jeno [11:54pm]
haha it’s okay
i deleted them no worries
Roomie [11:54pm]
im so embarrassed right now
Jeno [11:55pm]
dont be
it happens to the best of us
can i come talk to you or do you need a minute to finish up
Roomie [11:56pm]
asjdhjsksj DID YOU HAVE TO PHRASE IT LIKE THAT
anyways yeah give me a min
Jeno wills his boner to go down and takes a few deep breaths, eventually standing from his chair and making his way down the hall. He bounces on his toes and checks the time. It’s been 3 minutes. Surely you’re ready now?
“Come in!” You yell when he knocks and he timidly lets himself in, shutting the door softly behind him. He can’t help but notice how adorable you look right now, wrapped so tightly in blankets that your face barely peaks out. Jeno notices the hoodie you’re swimming in is his, and it fills him with a strange sense of... something. Pride? Happiness?
“Hey.” He starts, standing awkwardly at the foot of your bed.
You take a moment before repeating the greeting. Neither of you know what to say and a horrible silence fills the room. Your laughter breaks it.
“This is so awkward, holy shit.” You giggle, breaking out of your cocoon a little bit. “I can’t even remember a time where it’s been this bad.”
“It was literally less awkward when we first met and that’s saying something.” Jeno snorts, taking a seat on the edge of the bed when you pat it.
The two of you laugh until it peters out into another silence. You clear your throat. “Uh. So about the, uh, pictures. I’m really sorry, I definitely didn’t mean to send them to you.”
Jeno laughs again, hoping that it doesn’t sound too strained. “Yeah, I kinda figured. It’s no big deal though, I already deleted them.”
“It’s not like I would send you nudes anyways, that’s stupid. I’d show you in person.” Jeno’s eyebrows nearly shoot off of his face with how high he raises them, a confused “huh?” leaving him. You laugh. “Y’know, because you’re right next door. Are you okay?”
He somewhat recovers. “Oh! Yeah, yeah, for sure. Face to face contact and all that.” His heart is still beating much too fast, his knee bouncing as he thinks about you showing up at his door in nothing but skimpy lingerie, a pout on your lips as you whisper that you’re so wet and that you need him to do something.
“Mhmm, exactly. Anyways, can we agree to forget about this?” You ask, and Jeno definitely won’t be forgetting about this anytime soon, but he nods anyways and murmurs an “of course”. You beam. “Cool! Are you gonna go to sleep? Because I was about to start a movie if you wanna join.”
Jeno shakes his head, the proximity driving him crazy. “I got an essay to write that is due,” He checks the clock. “9 minutes ago. Maybe another time?”
You open your arms and pull him in for a hug. “I’m holding you to that. Have fun writing your essay.”
He groans. “Oh yeah, the most fun.”
It’s when he gets past your door that you stop him. “Hey Jen?” He pauses, glances back, but doesn’t open the door to peek his head back into your room. “I’m glad it was you I sent the pictures to.”
He pretends like he doesn’t hear it, his mind already a jumbled mess.
The next few weeks are surprisingly not awkward. You both ignore it like you promised, going on with your routine as if it had never happened. Well, as much as possible, anyways.
Jeno is a young man in his prime. He has a very high sex drive. And yet, he hasn’t been able to jerk off in two weeks because every time he tries, he thinks of you. And the guilt that consumes him is always too much, so he ends up with a cold shower and a shit ton of frustration.
But two weeks is a long time to be pent up. So when you pop into his mind while he’s relaxing in bed, he can’t stop himself from grinding his hips down into the mattress. A little bit of relief turns into him humping the mattress like a dog, biting into his pillow to muffle his moans. You’re not home so he doesn’t really need to be quiet, but it’s a force of habit.
Your name still slips past his lips, and no matter how guilty he feels, he can’t stop. He groans your name and flips onto his back, wrapping his fist around his cock and nearly sobbing at how good it feels. His hips snap faster and faster into his hand and he’s so close, so fucking close-
“Jeno?” Your voice is too close to be a part of his imagination and it takes a moment for him to realize why.
His head snaps up and he makes eye contact with you, dread rushing through him. “Shit, y/n, I didn’t-“ He doesn’t finish, doesn’t know what he didn’t do, just yanks the covers up to protect the last bits of his dignity.
You swallow. “My class got cancelled. I uh, I heard you call my name and I didn’t realize that you were...” You trail off, making a vague gesture with your hand.
It’s bad, he knows, but he can’t stop himself from continuing to stroke himself at a torturous pace. He’s hidden from sight by the blanket and he grinds the heel of his palm into the head of his cock, biting his cheek so hard he tastes blood. It’s hurting more than it’s helping, and he knows it’s bad to keep doing it while talking to his roommate who he was just getting off to, but he can’t bring himself to care.
He grimaces, ready to try and talk himself out of it (or at least attempt to) when you continue. “Do you want help?”
Jeno’s eyes nearly fall out of his head and he hisses as he accidentally squeezes his cock too hard. You’re looking at your feet and maybe you’re just as embarrassed as he is.
“I mean, you’ve already seen my nudes. I wouldn’t mind, like, seeing yours too.” Jeno is hallucinating. There’s no way this is real. Shakily, he nods.
You move to sit down next to him, a little stiff, your eyes meeting his for a moment before flickering down over his torso. He jolts as you brush your fingertips along his arm, moving down the limb until you reach his hand, which is still fucking gripping his dick. You giggle when you realize that he’s been jerking off the whole time you’ve been in the room.
The covers are pulled down and your eyes widen briefly. Jeno’s self-conscious for half a second before you’re gasping out an “oh fuck, you’re big”. His ego inflates and he can’t stop himself from smiling.
“You must be close, yeah? Couldn’t stop touching yourself, even when I caught you.” Jeno groans, half in embarrassment, half in pleasure. You brush your fingers of the tip of his cock, just teasing around the head and his hips launch off the bed into your touch.
“Bet you were hoping I caught you. That’s why you were calling my name, isn’t it?” You lean close to brush your lips over his earlobe before moving down to leave wet kisses along his neck. He pants heavily, head tilting to give you more room.
Pleasure clouds his senses when you finally take pity on him, stroking his cock with a tight grip. “You’re the one who sent the pictures.” He pants out. There’s heat pooling his gut and he rolls his hips up into your grip, fucking into your hand.
“Aww, you liked them? Let me tell you a secret.” You move so that you’re straddling his thigh, leaning down to suck a hickey into his chest, and Jeno doesn’t miss the way your subtly rock your hips down. “I was thinking about you when I took them.”
That does it. Images of you picking out that lingerie with him in mind, posing and sucking on your fingers for him, touching yourself while imagining it’s him flash through his mind and it’s too much to handle. Jeno comes with a loud groan of your name, panting shallowly and digging his heels into the mattress. You work him through it, dragging out his pleasure until it’s almost too much and it starts to get painful. A loud whine leaves him and you laugh.
Jeno’s ears are ringing and his brain has turned to mush, so it takes him a while to realize that he’s got an arm locked around your body keeping you anchored to his chest. It also takes him a moment to notice how you grind down against his thigh, how you whimper and moan as you chase that bliss.
He just about comes again when he notices that you’ve got your fingers in your mouth, sucking and lapping at the digits to clean them of his come.
“Fuck,” He groans softly, tensing his thigh and pressing it up against you. “That feel good, baby?”
A hum leaves you, eyes opening to meet his own. You look thoroughly fucked out, sweat beading on your forehead, pupils blown wide with lust. “Yeah, I’m so close.”
Jeno’s hands move without him telling them to, grabbing your hips and pulling you down against his thigh harder, faster. He grips at your ass, loving the way it feels in his palm, and he brings one hand down softly. A slap sounds through the room and you keen, hips stuttering against him.
“Come on baby, let go.” His voice sounds utterly wrecked, deep and gravelly and what was supposed to be a casual phrase comes out as a command. You can’t do anything but moan in response, babbling out some variation of “please, please, I’m so close, I’m so- ohfuck.”
Your pace grows sloppy as you come, sobs leaving you as Jeno forces you to maintain a quick rhythm via his hands on your hips. Watching you fall apart is the most beautiful thing he’s ever seen. He can’t tear his eyes away from you.
“Too much, I can’t- Jeno, I can’t-“ You shake and twitch on top of him and it fills him with satisfaction, seeing that he made you like this. He softens his hold, moving one hand up to your back and anchoring you to his chest. You bury your face into him with a sigh.
Jeno’s content to lay there and rub your back for a bit, maybe get some sleepy cuddles. But you push yourself up onto your forearms and disappointment fills him. He expects you to leave, expects things to be so unbearably awkward between the two of you that you have to move out, expects- well, anything except for the pair of lips pressing to his own.
The kiss takes him by surprise and he makes a muffled noise, taking a moment to coordinate himself enough to kiss back. You’re smiling into the kiss and it makes him smile too, his hand coming up to cup your jaw.
“So you sent me those nudes on purpose.” Jeno teases when you finally pull away, gasping for air. Your eyes widen before you’re shaking your head and giggling.
“No! I actually didn’t. They were meant for Mark, but I was thinking about you when I took them, so I guess my brain decided it would be a good idea to press your name.” You shuffle down a little bit so that your legs fit perfectly with his, limbs tangling together.
Jeno brushes your hair off of your forehead, stroking your scalp softly. You hum and melt into him. “Well, I guess you missed the mark on that one.”
It takes a moment for it to register but when it does, your head snaps up and you glare at him. “That was horrible, oh my God. I’m breaking up with you.”
“But we’re not dating?”
You turn shy, laughing and hiding your face. “Oh yeah. Well, would you maybe, uh, want to?”
Jeno can’t fight the smile that takes over his entire face as he looks at you. He leans down to press a kiss to your forehead. “I would love to.”
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Genuinely interested in what you think about Bucky being perceived as female-coded in some parts of the fandom. I read that thread years ago and agreed with because it sounded logical, but now I'm not so sure. Recently found out about the existence of this Tony Stark meta essay called "Tony Stark as the most female-coded superhero" and they use the same arguments: loss of agency, playing the damsel in distress role more often than their counterpart, etc. I can't take "fm-coded" seriously anymore
oh boy ...
idk how long this will end up but to preface whatever we do end up with: 1) im a nonbinary lesbian so my perception on what it means to be a woman and femininity in general is not going to be what a lot of other peoples is and 2) im a few months out from getting a degree in gender studies. take that for what you will. no i will not be arguing about this in my inbox.
to be frank, in my opinion, bucky being female coded is bullshit. not only is it bullshit, i have seen it used as a weapon by so many white women and terfs that even if it were true, i wouldnt care! whoever came up with the term “woobify” (which i have most often seen used in reference to how tony stark is treated) needs to tell bucky stans that they aren’t exempt. a lot of them see bucky being a victim as something that needs a continuation into every other part of his life, hence why he’s so often put into these weird dynamics with his ships and given traits he’s never displayed on screen.
i keep thinking of disclaimers to make in anticipation of people coming to my inbox crying so here’s another: if you are a woman or someone who feels a close connection to certain parts of womanhood, me saying bucky isnt woman coded in no way takes away from you identifying with him or parts of his story. that is personal. a woman’s personal relation to him is not reliant on “woman coding” as i’ve seen a lot of white women and terfs suggest, not does it strengthen the existence of such coding. coding is created within the original media, not within the fandom.
i also just realized ive been using the term woman coded rather than female coded, but i think subconsciously there is a reason for that that ties into one of my main points pretty well: the mcu stan’s definition of “female” coding relies on stereotypes, not about female roles, but about what it means in their opinion to be a woman. the issue with this is they take traits they think only exist in (cishet) women and use them to deem these (cishet) male characters as woman coded when in fact these traits are not exclusive to women and enforce weird standards upon people who are women that might not be cis or het or share these traits!
tony stark being short and bucky having long hair is not what would make them woman coded. bucky being rescued by a man while woozy is not what would make him woman coded. bucky being submissive to pierce when LITERALLY BEING BRAINWASHED is not what would make him woman coded. and perhaps a harsh wake up call: bucky’s story hinging around loss of agency issues and trauma in no way shape or form is what would make him woman coded. does it perhaps make him easier for many women to relate to? yes. but is this something exclusive to women? no. a vast majority of trauma victims are going to relate to him, and chalking up trauma to being something female makes me feel really funny.
i know exactly what thread youre talking about lmfao and its right up there on my shit list next to the childlike bucky post. theyre actually very similar now that i think about it ... but anyways. now that ive listed my woes about what doesnt make a character woman coded, what actually would! AND HERE IS WHERE WE GET INTO AN ACTUAL CASE OF WOMAN CODING! mr prequel series anakin skywalker aka my shakespearean downfall dilf. why is he seen as a valid example of woman coding? i will tell you.
the thing about woman coding is that its meant to subvert heteronormative tropes while remaining self aware of that to exploit and emphasize the change. DO YOU HEAR ME? SELF AWARE! anakin is given many of these stupid stereotypical traits i mentioned before, but they arent reliant on physical appearance at all. they are reliant on roles. padme is the levelheaded senate leader, the one with power and stability, while anakin is hotheaded and frankly a bit whimsical while he struggles for his own type of power and control. another classic example of woman coding (which i actually wrote a paper on last semester in my men and masculinities class) is heathcliff from wuthering heights, whose counterpart to his coding is cathy. both men have that whimsicality in common that contrasts heavily with how we would expect them to act. bucky does not act like them at all.
the reason that this is different from bucky and steve’s ‘damsel in distress’ argument is the self awareness i mentioned before. not to mention the weird heteronormative standards being applied as requirements for their gay relationship to be seen as valid because it “fits the narrative” but .. anyways.
anakin and heathcliff both have their subverted traits played up in a way that shows off how ridiculous the women usually written in their roles are forced to act. its tongue in cheek, because woman coding is not only about individual traits, but about how the character interacts with the story because of this as a whole. bucky is often seen as woman coded because he is put into these situations where he is “rescued” by someone that half his stans see as his love interest (steve my baby im sorry) when hes really only rescued maybe twice? at azzano and from the water when the helicopter crashed. only one of those is a real damsel in distress situation. all of the others are cases where hes fighting his own way out ????? bucky doesnt just sit around waiting for a “real man” to get off his ass as that post suggested but i digress.
anyways. mcu stans lack any self awareness that would be required even if bucky and tony were woman coded. calling them woman coded does not count as self awareness! the real self awareness comes with recognizing that woman coding doesnt actually make these characters women and it doesnt mean they forever belong in these “female” roles. mcu stans take the stereotypes they pick out at face value and use them to say “look! bucky is a bottom!” or to continue taking away his agency by ignoring all of his other actions and traits that dont fit in to this mold theyve made around the idea that he needs a man to save him or boss him around. his story as a whole is the only thing that would make him woman coded and seeing as there is no self awareness of this shown, no attempts to subvert, he displays little to no traditionally feminine traits, and loss of agency on its own is not something that only applies to women ...
in short: in my opinion, bucky is not woman coded. mcu stans just like rolling with stereotypes that rely around cis bodies and straight relationships. the end.
#oh also woman coding does not make a mape character trans lmfaoooooo#thats frankly just insulting#trans men are not men with feminine traits please for the love of god shut up#anyways this is my opinion and you dont have to agree but cis people arent allowed to argue with me
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On Eren’s choices and Ymir’s curse
Ah, yes, I am back from Attack on Titan hell and I have thoughts. Major spoilers, do not read until you finished the manga.
This essay will be about Eren’s “choices” or the lack thereof when it comes to attacking/defining/reshaping/destroying humanity and how much of this could be read as Ymir’s curses.
First, let’s talk about what undergirds his course of action:
the injustice of historical trauma being justified for modern time apartheid:
Eren traveled long and far to realize how much the Eldian outside of Paradis was being discriminated against and held as noncitizens in multiple lands and nations, so much that they have to renounce their “belonging” to their identity and claim their personhood only “accidental” Eldian and not “truly” one like those from the Paradis island (as seen in
I take that the non-Paradis Eldian resemble the Jewish diaspora in the ways they are persecuted and subjects of ethnic cleansing, and a recent example would be Muslim people, in how they were put into camps all over the world, forced to live in ghettos, hated for the fear of their religion and their gods.
The hatred for Eldians supposedly started because Eldian leaders become power hungry and warmongers who colonized, massacred, and dominated Marleyans for 1,700 years. This is a debt that Eren, unlike Zeke, was NOT ready to pay, given that he is also only an Ymir subject in name like the vast majority of the Eldian population and was not in anyway responsible for the greeds of old, powerful royals. Unlike descendants of King Frizt, whose genealogy comes from passed down memories of literally cannibalism and war crimes for generations that destabilize all the inheritors in fear, shame, and disgust that they would not dare to do anything but die with the memory, Eren is a regular boy with so much indignation, feels so unjust for his loved ones and people who had to bear the cross they didn’t yield. As such, he refuses to see the current treatment of Eldians as just, and this marks the goal (not the solution) of his plan: to not let Paradis Eldians suffer any longer. So he does what he thinks he needs to do in order to advance that goal, all the while NOT KNOWING the outcome, only WISH for it.
Now this is not a metaphor for why Nazis or white settler colonialism and slave owners in North America shouldn’t pay reparations for what their government has done, because their descendants still uphold power over their historically subordinated subjects and perpetuate a system that does so. AND, the main character squads or people we think as ”good guys” here do defy the monarchy and old power toward new future for Eldians, so their refusal to align with old Eldians is nothing sort of revolutionary.
Now let’s talk about Ymir’s will and her curse.
Ymir’s will and the timeloop aka self-fulfilling prophecy and Watchmenian godly time:
If you watch HBO Watchmen (2019) you will know what I mean by godly time. Dr. Manhattan in the show experience all times and all dimensions AT ONCE, so thing happens simultaneously for him in all the worlds he occupies, and he is in every world talking to everyone. Also, he is a god, so he doesn’t follow human emotions, reasons, values, things are just actions set in motions toward outcomes. Nothing matters, because Gods as beings are not a set of ideologies, but circumstances that are willed by people. And humans are trully uncontrollable, ungovernable, down to the last one of them and their human interests.
What does it mean to say that Eren bears the will of god and Ymir?
So Eren went ahead and woke up the Wall Titans to have them rumble the earth. Did he do that because he wants to kill people? He doesn’t will it, but accepts that as a side effect. Did he want to scare other nations? He knows that if he sets this in motion, uncontrollable things would happen, disregards of what he wants or plans. It’s not like he can just reroute the Titans then park them back up in the wall, because there’s no going back, even if time is looping, the future is always in the process of being written. Inevitable, he said, was the course of action that he took and yet he goes through with it because he doesn’t believe in the inevitability of human bowing down to fate. Zeke’s plan was to make all Ymir subject sterile just so they couldn’t reproduce-and Eren thought of Historia and her bloodline that had already defied their fate (of becoming host for the founding Titan thus ends the family affair of eating their family members), and he thought of his parents, and all the comrades whose bloodline ends with them in their quest to freedom. Zeke’s self-imposed role of god of nothing does not interests Eren. He wanted more. And he saw the difficulty of achieving freedom in the last couple years he had when the deep rooted racism against Eldians by the Marleyans were also equipped by state militarism and the overall brainwashing machine in all aspects of life that literally turned children into loyal warriors who want to die violent death and adults who pushed their children there so they can live a sorry ass life. He saw the problem in all, and had no solutions, no moral judgements, only power to rupture this world anew.
At one point, it is the godly power of Ymir that affects Eren, her will that determines what Eren can do based on the memories he could see through her, and she CHOSE destruction. A lot of folks I saw was bewildered by the biggest revealing that Ymir was just an enslaved girl with her tongue cut off and think all was caused by her blind loyalty to her abuser. They also read the Ymir’s curse (die after 13 years) as nonexistent because she’s not a goddess who struck a deal with the earth devil but the first human to be blessed by the gift of life, to regenerate and to change life forms. This is where my reading, I think, will differ from a lot of people.
I dont think Ymir loves the king. I think Ymir’s curse exists. I think she cursed the Eldian king with the thing she knows will destroy all the future generations to come: a monstrous power, a literal man-eating power that will only be used for destruction that so long as anyone has it they become the enemy of humanity. Ymir did not know peace in her entire life, not a single person was nice to her even the slaves, every single one sought out to live a sorry ass life and sacrificed children to avoid violence unleashed onto them. You see that times and times again, from the original story of Ymir being singled out by grown men and women as releasing the pigs, to the men hunting her for sport, to the king using her bodies to the last bone, committing unforgivable violence forcing his daughters to consume her raw flesh, and they grew up to become adults who would make their children eat their raw flesh to generate power. You see that in the story of Eren, Mikasa, and Armin, who became orphaned child soldiers and adults who have seen death around them keep pushing them to be solutions for an ancient crisis even they know nothing about. You see that in the Marleyan Eldians who wish their kids would become warriors so they can become some model minorities and leaving the interment camps. Over, and over again, the cycle of violence is willed and carried out by people, no matter the shapes and forms. Of course, this is a nihilistic view that does not take into account critical perspectives that could work out, realistically, what types of oppressions and injustice that each group deals with (i imagine in real life there would be groups of critical Marleyans who resists their government and other types of social movements in order to end apartheid against the Eldian diaspora, and that Marleyan as a military state does have to rule their subjects with democratic laws and whatnot, but vengeance cannot be a guiding principle for modern society), but to engage in the right and wrong discourse is to literally disregard the entire theme of Attack on Titan.
So for 2000 years Ymir, in the form of an unloved child, consumed by greed and apathy, set into motion that the fate of the Eldian tribe will grow so big, so expansive, so powerful that their enemies will rise somewhere along history. And they will never know peace. Not until she meets another person who rages on her behalf, who understands the pain shes going through, to come and beg her to let go. When Eren comes to tell her she is free, it is not from the bondage of a ruler, a master, but from her bind to what he had done unto her, thats when she can rest. Let me make it clear, Ymir is not a slave to Frizt and the royal family, she is a slave to more than 2000 years of unforgivable injustice and silent scream, when all the people who have been trampled on bear the bloodline that was forcibly taken from her only ask her to help them, and not a single person speaks the truth on her behalf. She rages, and rages, and rages, and the humans created out of her legacy against her will, suffer. And she, the good child that wants freedom for the pigs, at one point believes that for her rage and curse she can no longer be loved. Not until she sees another girl coming to kill the monster who had carried out her will, with love. Eren can be loved, privately, quietly, for all the monstrosity he had unleashed onto humanity. And so can Ymir, be free, be loved, be at peace after all of eternity. She can leave this realm.
I wish Ymir’s perspective could have been shown more through the manga, but I don’t think it is not there. It is also a meta thing for AoT to let readers come up with their own reading of “freedom” and “justice” and ways to repair ancient hate. The events in the book, in a large scale, are not justifications for the actions taken, but rather a set of events that are connected, willed, and carried out against thousands of other possibilities, to the point of inevitable. Choices are always taken with or without true understanding of the context that would define such choices as right or wrong. And if you dig a little deeper, all the contexts that have the power to define decisions as right or wrong end up being created out of ambivalent decisions, as well. So much that the only thing you learn out of this story is this simple truth: attack on titan is the attack on humanity.
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to the anon that sent me an essay, this is for you
to everyone else, idk what this is
from anon:
here are a few things ive thought of to an obsessive level but these are completely non-bts related so u can choose to skip it. hell, you knew u that already.
1. before becoming parents or after emerging into adulthood everyone should be sent to therapy. sometimes i question if it is to fill the gaps their childhood has blown wide open that adults have children. or is it to fulfill some moral responsibility they have to simply reproduce. if its the first, to think about it, is kind of fucked up. you are depriving your child a stable future, creating replicas of exactly what you suffered, if u are not stable yourself.
You know, probably. People have kids for a number of reasons, not all if them good. I am a product of such a cycle, generations that used physical and emotional punishment on their own children to lash out their frustrations in life. The easiest one to bully is the offspring you made, because they don't know any better. They think that's how life is, because that's how life always was. I suffer for it, all the time. But, you know, therapy does nothing if you don't want it. You have to be willing to listen to be helped.
Most people are not willing to listen or change. That's the big problem.
2. its sad how the whole ' one in a million ' concept is staring at me. haruki murakami said mediocrity is constant. that thought haunts me everyday becuase of how many people are just a sea of faceless creatures as the world decides which one is the outlier. its the scariest thing i have ever felt, but it is inevitable. mediocrity should be normalized. there is an exorbitant amount of pressure in youth to produce and create and every other teenager is doing mun and every other adult is in the medical field, but at the cost of what? sure, you just saved the world, but did you save yourself?
Everyone is in outlier which makes nobody special. Society has slowly but surely created the idea that people need to be better than others, the idea that "better" must exist. To want more. And why is that?
Money.
Why is everyone pressured to make a product? To monetize their hobbies? To "do work you love"? Why is this the ideal? Because someone wants to profit from you. Someone is always greeding for more, more, so they make you feel this need as well, feeding off your futile attempts to be the "prefect you" but the perfect you doesn't exist. Why is it that every outlier put on a pedestal feels disillusioned / pressured or greedy / selfish? Because you've been tricked, feeling sad and deflated that you can't achieve something that isn't real.
3. middle class. im part of it. we're probably the most entitled section of society there is. it is so amusing to me how we have basically everything we need to survive but always want more. its weird how the poorer sections dont have time to think about their lives at the stake of capitalist countries, while we're here thinking about everything in our day that has harmed us, complaining about shit that isnt even required to survive. my mind is bursting because im literally fucking typing / this / because i have the privilege to and im STILL . doing . it .
Entitled? Everyone feels entitled. Not just middle class. You think rich people don't want more? Pfft. Everyone wants more, simply because that's what were trained to think. Everything around us is always asking you to want more, tying your worth to what you have instead of what you are. Your worth equating to material possessions has been taught to you all your life from the media, all for the sake of profit. The worst is when they turn your own morals and ethics on you to monetize that as well.
4. i hope i dont forget everything that has ever happened to me. not because i'd want to hold it over peoples head. but because i really dont want to grow ignorant. i dont want to have hollow opinions and i dont want to live a life where its easy to be just as. i dont want to be in a herd of sheep.
You will forget. Neurons die all the time. It's a known fact memories get disorganized, remade, and blended with fantasy. You are organic, an imperfect machine. Even your memories are imperfect, only focusing on specific things and not the whole picture because human brains focus on what's important and not what is. This is a survival tactic and it's what causes you to polarize one way or another. Even you, telling me this right now, you are declaring "I want things to only be this way".
But, you know.
"Polarization is the ugliest flower in the world."
Your past and memory is not the only thing that shapes opinions. Agreeing with others is not being a sheep. Are you a sheep because you agree killing an innocent as a police officer is not okay? Sometimes ignorance is okay. You don't have to know everything. Sometimes it's better not to.
5. im really jealous of bts sometimes. its fucking insane. theyre so successful but they have and continue to endure so much shit from the world. passion. passion is the word i want to chop up and throw into a blender and smother in a fire. they have it. and i dont. they are so hardworking. its something ill never be.
They don't have to do anything. They can quit at any time. They choose not to for many reasons. You choose how much you can take and how much is too much. You chose who you are. There are many hardworking, passionate people you don't know, because they don't want to be known. Passion, hard work, these things exist in many forms, and not all of it is so exposed like it is with BTS.
And let's face it, not all of those things can be good. They said so themselves.
6. i think we should really stop saying 'well if u were in their place what would u have done'. we cant do what we havent been given the chance to experience. we cant think about what we wouldve done because we have lived our lives NOT doing it. i am living my life only one which way and there is no other way i can know yet.
We say this to help others realize that prespective is importamt. It is not about actually living it, but having the empathy to understand and see from another person's eyes. No one is asking you to be Dr. Strange and live all 5 million possibilities. You can think someone's actions / words are wrong but, in that moment, they didn't think that, either because they grew up a certain way or because certain things happened to them. You don't have to live the experience to have some level of understanding, even if imperfect.
im sorry for this brain dump , i dont really have anyone else im willing to talk to and i completly understand if u skip this. hope ur fine tho and taking care. love ur works !
I'm an INTJ. My brain never turns off. It's a curse. But thank you for enjoying my writing! Hope you liked this too LOL
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piggybacking off of other anon: why are they your faves? 👀👀
i had to go back and check who i put for the definitive 5. ok so this is not easy for me to understand or express but heres my best effort (you wanted essays right ??? right ???????). sorry its not very coherent
1. majima
character design. I literally adore pointy sleep deprived men. also my life was suffering from a SEVERE imbalance between the apollonian and dionysian, and majima injected the dionysian back in, for which I am grateful. also hidenari ugaki is a delight to listen to. also: θυμος. also: his FLIPS and fighting style are so unbearably pleasing to look at. also: something something keeping on when you hate everything and everything sucks something something envy about violence as a healing force something something. dont psychoanalyze me.
2. mirei park
shes just. so impossibly well-written. It must have been by accident because her story was HORRIBLY written, but she as a character is truly one of my all-time favorites, and in my opinion the best-written female character I’ve ever encountered. shes so realistic. her personality has so many moving parts, that complement and conflict with one another. she really seems like a real person. I just adore the fact that shes a strong female character whose story has a great deal to do with femaleness without falling into ANY of the associated tropes. (again, im talking about personality, not plot lol) She saw the “frigid businesswoman” trope and was like “what if that was a real person, though”. shes frigid and nasty and loving and proud and broken and I love that. shes also gorgeously pretty of course.
3. nishiki
his, ah, special variety of vibration.... the trembling rage at his core.... the Tears.. the fact that he is always ready to snap and that any moment where he isnt snapping is, like, a miracle and an exertion of will. the Emotions in general. he has em. and the dependence on others. it’s about amour-propre. finally his character design slaps. three years ago i cut my hair to look like nishiki. dont psychoanalyze me
4. okudera
character design !!!!! so stunning !!!! and his general demeanor and tragic backstory are right up my alley. plus hes an impossibly talented stoic old man who is secretly very caring, whats not to love. mountain dude.
5. nishida
so intrigued by the fact of his normalness. like the fact that hes so normal, yet is MAJIMAS RIGHT HAND MAN, is just insane. nishida is fascinating because his particular insanity masquerades so well as normalness. also i have a whole thing for characters who devote themselves fully to someone who will never, ever care for them in the same way. dont psychoanalyze me.
#memecomradeoriginal#majimeta#hmmm#risky post OP#i edited to make it a bit less incriminating but hmmm#im still not sure#yakuza#yakuza spoilers
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this was written several weeks ago in response to asks i was receiving i am posting it now it is very long the longest i have ever made and it is not very well edited but here it is in this final essay i talk about how shitty rae is about black people in her writing as well as just me talking about how her writing sucks in general lets begin
hello everyone
as you may know i have received a lot of anons in the last week or so about issues of racism in the beetlejuice community both just generally speaking and also within specific spaces
i was very frustrated to not be getting the answers i wanted because i typically do not talk about what i do not see but in an effort to be better about discourse i went looking through discourse from before my time in the fandom and i also received some receipts and information from my followers and from some friends
keep in mind that the voices and thoughts of bipoc are not only incredibly important at all times but in this circumstance it is important that if a bipoc has something to add you listen and learn and be better
i admit that when this happened i wasnt aware of the extent of what occurred and im angry at myself for not doing more at that time and i want to work harder to make sure something like this doesnt go unnoticed again
im a hesitant to talk about months old discourse because i have been criticized for bringing up quote old new unquote but this is very important and i am willing to face whatever comes from to me
lets talk about this
content from our local racist idiot that may be months old but its important
putting my thoughts under a cut to spare the dash but before i begin obviously this is awful
lets fucking unpack this folks
right out the gate op states that she supports artistic freedom but then within a couple words she goes against that statement
being entirely canon compliant isnt artistic freedom and even so if this person has so much respect for canon they wouldnt be out here erasing lydias obvious disgust for beetlejuice in the movie or ignoring lydias age for the sake of shipping that shit isnt canon either
also we love the quick jab at the musical there hilarious we love it dont we because god forbid a licensed and successful branch on a media have any standing in this conversation but whatever
now lets scroll down and talk about the term racebending
the term racebending was coined around 2009 in response to the avatar the last airbender movie a film in which the east asian races of the characters were erased by casting white actors in the three leading roles of aang sokka and katara
whenever the term racebending is used in a negative light it is almost always a case of whitewashing like casting scarlett johansen in ghost in the shell or the casting of white actors of the prince of persia sands of time instead of iranian ones
this kind of racebending erases minorities from beeing seen in media and is wrong
all that being said however racebending has also been noted to have very positive after effects like the 1997 adaptation of cinderella or casting samuel jackson as nick fury in the marvel movies nick fury was originally a white guy can you even imagine
i read this piece from an academic that said quote writers can change the race and cultural specificity of central characters or pull a secondary character of color from the margins transforming them into the central protagonist unquote
racebending like the kind that rae is so heated about is the kind of creative freedom that leads to more representation of bipoc in media which will never be a bad thing ever no matter how pissy you get about it
designing a version of a character as a poc isnt serving to make them necessarily better it serves to give new perspective and perhaps the opportunity to connect even more deeply with a character it doesnt marginalize or erase white people it can uplift poc and if you think uplifting poc is wrong because it tears down white people or whatever youre a fucking moron and you need to get out of your podunk white folk town and see the real world
the numbers of times a bipoc particularly a bipoc that is also lgbt+ has been represented in media are dwarfed by what i as a white dude have seen myself represented in media is and that isnt okay that isnt equality and its something that should change not only in mainstream media but in fandom spaces as well
lets move down a bit further to the part about bullying straight people which is hilarious and lets also talk about the term fetishistic as well lets start with that
this person literally writes explicit pornography of a minor and an adult are we really going to let someone like that dictate what is and what isnt fetishistic
similarly to doing a positive racebend situation people may project lgbt+ headcanons on a character because its part of who they are and it helps them feel closer to the character and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that
depicting lgbt+ subject matter on existing characters isnt an inherently fetishistic action generally things only really become fetishistic when the media is being crafted and hyped by people who are outside of lgbt+ community for example how young teens used to flip a tit about yaoi or how chasers fetishize trans people
but drawing a character with top surgery scars or headcanoning them as trans is harmless and its just another way to interpret a character literally anone could be trans unless if their character bio says theyre cis and most of them dont go that deep so it really is open to interpretation and on the whole most creators encourage this sort of exploration because it is a good thing to get healthy representation out in the world
as for it being used to bully straights thats just funny i dont have anything else on that like if youre straight and you feel threatened and bullied because of someone headcanoning someone as anything that isnt cishet youre a fucking idiot and a weak baby idiot at that like the real world must fucking suck for you because lgbt+ people are everywhere and statistically a big chunk of your favorite characters arent cishet sorry be mad about it
lets roll down a bit further about the big meat of the issue which was when several artists were drawing interpretations of lydia as a black girl which i loved but clearly this person didnt love it because they have a very narrow and very racist and problematic view of what it means to be a black person
and before i move forward i must reiderate that i am a white person and you should listen to the thoughts of poc people like @fright-of-their-lives or @gender-chaotic it is not my place to explain what the black experience is like and it certainly isnt this persons either
implying that the story of a black person isnt worth telling unless if the character faces struggles like racism and prejudice is downright moronic
why use the word kissable to describe a black persons lips now thats what i call fetishistic and its to another extreme if youre talking about a black version of lydia on top of that
the author of this post says herself that shes white so clearly shes the person whos an authority on the black experience and what it means to be a black person right am i reading that right or am i having a fucking conniption
how about allowing black characters to exist without having to struggle why cant a black version of lydia just be a goth teenager with a ghost problem who likes photography and is also black like she doesnt have to move to a hick town and get abused by racist folks she doesnt have to go through any more shit than she already goes through and if you honestly think thats the only way to tell a black persons story you need to get your brain cleaned
you know nothing about the complexities about being a black person and i dont either but you know wh odo black people who are doing black versions of canon characters they fucking know
lets squiggle down just a bit further
so the writer has issues with giving characters traits like a broad nose or larger lips if theyre a woman but if theyre a man suddenly its totally okay to go all ryan murphy ahs coven papa legba appropriation when approaching character design like are you fucking stupid do you hear yourself is that really how you see black men like what the fuck is wrong with you
none of the shit youre spewing takes bravery it takes ignorance and supreme levels of stupidity
do you really think you with your fic where a black lgbt+ woman is tortured and abused where you use the n word with a hard r to refer to her like that shits not okay its fucking depraved and yeah we know you love being shitty but like christ on a bike thats so much
can we also talk about this
what the fuck is this fetishistic bull roar garbage calling this black character beyonce dressing her up in quote fuck me heels unquote are you are you seriously gonna write this and say its a shining example of how to write a black character youre basically saying ope here she is shes a sex icon haha im so progressive and i clealry understand the black experience hahahaha fuck you oh my god
on top of that theres a point where this character is only referred to as curly hair or the fact that the n word is used in the fic with the hard r like thats hands down not okay for you to use especially not in a manner like this jesus christ
oop heres a little more a sampling for you of the hell i am enduring in reading this drivel
oh boy lets put a leash on the angry black woman character lets put her in a leash and have the man imply hes a master like are you kidding me are you for real and what the fuck is with calling her shit like j lo and beyonce do you actually think thats clever at all are you just thinking of any poc that comes into your head for this
also lydia fucking tells this girl that she shouldnt have lost her temper like she got fucking leashed im so tired why is this writing so problematic and also so bad
hold up before i lose my head lets look at some of her own comments on the matter of this character and what happens to her
hi hello youre just casually tossing the word lynch out there in the wide open world as if thats not a problem that is still real like are you fucking unhinged there have been multiple cases of this exact thing happening in our firepit of a country in the last five months alone like how can you still have shit like this up for people to read how can you be proud of work like this in this climate
and also what the fuck is that last bit
what the actual fuck
i dont speak for black people as a white person but you do!? im sorry i had to get my punctuation out for that because wow thats fucking asinine just because one black person read your fic and didnt find the torture and abuse of your one black character abhorrant doesnt mean that the vast majority of people not only in the fandom but in the human population with decency are going to think its okay because its not
i started this post hoping to be level headed and professional but jesus fucking christ this woman is something else white nationalism is alive and well folks and its name is rae
if you defend this woman you defend some truly abhorrant raecism
editors notes
in order to get some perspective on these issues more fully some of the writing by the author was examined and on the whole it was pretty unreadable but i want to just call back to the very beginning of this essay where the person in question talked about holding canon in high regard but then in their writing they just go around giving people magic and shit and ignoring the end of the movie entirely like are you canon compliant or nah
the writing doesnt even read like beetlejuice fanfic it reads as self indulgent fiction you could easily change the names and its just a bad fanfic from 2007
also can we talk about writing the lesbian character as an angry man hater like its 2020 dude and als olets touch on that girl on girl pandering while beetlejuice is just there like here we go fetishizing again wee
i cant find a way to work this into this already massive post but
im going to throw up
okay so thats a lot we have covered a lot today and im sure my ask box will regret it but this definitely should have been more picked apart when it happened
please feel free to add more to this i would love more perspectives than just my own.
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helo today i am going to be talking about daddy papi sexy icon Damon Salvatore. I know im fucking obsessed but this man makes my ovaries explode so i need some way to let it all out so here i go
first things first his mf looks
his eyes omfg his eyes he could stare at me and i would melt his bright blue eyes i already am quite a fan of pretty eyes but his eyes ive been obsessed for a very long time like wtf his eyes are so seductive and for what why do you do this to me huh damon why oh why HIS eyes omg when he looks at elena is with such care and love, id PAY for him to look at me like that HE COULD STOMP ON ME AND ID SAY SORRY AND THANK YOU ok now his little smirk oml when he did something bad he'd do his little smirk and i know it'd be very sociopathic of me to actually enjoy that but why the fuck did i get turned on by that why is he such a sex icon big dick energy is radiating I COULD LITERALLY BE WATCHING A SCENE OF HIM AND ELENA FLIRTING CASUALLY AND I'D BE SWEATING THAT WOULD FILL A WHOLE OCEAN I'D NEED TO PAUSE AND TAKE A BREATHER BECAUSE THAT MAN IS TOO MUCH FOR ME.
OMG THESE SCENES WERE SO EXCITING FOR ME, ID PAUSE AND JUST ADMIRE THE ELEGANT BODY OF THIS SUCH MAN AND THERE WERE SO MANY BATHROOM SHOTS OF THIS MAN HAVING A SHOWER LIKE I DONT BLAME THE DIRECTOR REPEATING THIS SHOT
WHY YOU SAY?? I MEAN LOOK AT HIM ITS NOT FAIR CAN I BE ELENA
SCREAMS SCREAMS UMM DONT BE SHY UNBUTTON MORE
OK NOW IVE DONE A LOOKS ASSESSMENT. IT IS OFF TO DO A PERSONALITY ANALYSIS BECAUSE HE COULDVE BEEN REALLY HOT AND HAD A DEAD PERSONALITY like matt (sorry matt ps i still love you) but no damon has not let me down with his personality so lemme talk about that
the fucking humour:
OK THIS IS JUST mf fragments to his smart ass humour but omg this guy is carrying the show with its humour, i find humour extremely attractive so him just being a little devilish sociopathic smart ass bastard boy is all i ask for and it was received, stefan is great lemme tell u that but one of the reasons its damon>stefan for me its maybe because i prefer playful characters who can quit the intensity and actually have fun so yea personal preferences come into this
Emotional:
my boy is very emotional, hes a vampire yada yada but he hasnt flicked the switch off of his humanity hes still a ball of fluff who tries to cover it up with spikes so he seems tough but some sad scenes you can see right through him like some above. The first one is him letting things pile up over and over again and its killing him in the inside hes such a cinnamon roll and all he needs is a hug and someone to tell him hes gonna be alright...can i plz volunteer to do that ✋
the second one was a scene that made go waaaaaaa and tear up because that was the scene when he was opening up about how he wants and loves elena but shes not hers, shes stefans around then. The fact hes showed as some type of dickhead but he could be rlly douchy and literally just steal her away from stefan but he doesnt because shes "brothers girl" aaa hes caring and it hurts how much he does and his sad scenes hurt, hes not bad hes just very broken inside.
Unapologetically Honest
one of the reasons i love about him is that hes just so mf honest which is ironic because around s2 its just elena calling him a liar anyways hes honest with a lack of apology which i feel like would be extremely necessary when theres a flock of bad guys always at your doorstep, sugar covered words aren't needed tbh thats where his honesty comes in
hes aware of himself and knows that he can be dickhead some way or another so its funny when hes aware kinda gives definition to his character being a self proclaimed dickhead
i stan alarics and damons friendship theres so mf honest with eachother, alaric could be getting emotional about his relationships and this man could just go "but they're dead.. *sips tea* " hes so unbothered theres something attractive about it
Romantic:
youtube
umm so i kinda forgot the post only allows 10 pics so you lot are lucky enough that u get a video
anyways im extremely attracted to intense romance rather than cutesy lovey dovey, this guy ticks the box for intense hes so mf sexy with like one touch can u explain this science to me BECAUSE THIS GUY SCREAMS SEX WTF AND I HAVE NO IDEA HOW ELENA CONTROLS HER SEXUAL DESIRES BECAUSE BITCH U SURE DO KNOW I'D DO ANYTHING THIS BASTARD WOULD TELL ME TO DO ANYWAYS THERE WAS THIS SCENE WHERE ELENA WAS WORKING OUT AND THIS GUY WAS TOUCHING HER RIBCAGE OR SOMETHING AND THE HEAVY BREATHING I'D PROBABLY FAINT IN HIS ARMS BUT THIS WOMAN HELD IT TOGETHER CAN HE PLZ TAKE ME ADOPT ME ILL LIVE IN UR HOME I'LL LIVE IN THE TINIEST PLACE IN UR HOUSE I DONT MIND ME I JUST NEED TO BE GRACED BY UR LOOKS the intensity is legit like fire to the skin, i blush and scream for elena im a literal pterodactyl screeching when he comes on screen with him naked and one towel covering his big dick i would write the director a mf big ass letter to persuade him to let damon walk in with no towel pls i beg cmon u can do it i know u want too
anyways overall damon salvatore is my husband papi daddy and i do admit i simp for him and hes hit me like a wrecking ball im on s3 for vampire diaries ill keep u lot updated if anything happens in my shift of simp but for now im kind of addicted to this bootylicious babe actually now i think about it what if i actually ever meet him or something id probably weep and faint yes that'd happen ill probably just stare and i dont blame him if he kicks me out for being a creep anyways uh this was my essay hope u lot enjoy because i sure as heck enjoyed screaming my burning passionate love for Damon Salvatore if someone was selling a damon salvatore in store id be the first one to purchase and i feel like i speak for the nation of damon simps ily babes because i totally understand this lust you have for him
anywho bye bye xoxoxo
#the vampire diaries#damon salvatore#obsessed#fandom#vampire#hot#sex icon#omg#quotes#humour#analysis#Youtube
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