#sometimes the best people to go into therapy are the ones who were toxic people that became better with hard work and therapies
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Ohhh, I love my new job
Ohhh I love being paid to deal with challenging behaviours. This is the best way I've ever learnt how to be firm with my boundaries. Best way I've ever learnt how to be non manipulated. I've always been very observserant but now I can use it to be more critical about challenging behaviours. If I can see patterns in other people I sure will see them in myself. I'm not unbreakable but mother fucker is trained and educated in breaking cycles of challenging behaviour. And honestly I don't get paid enough to deal with immature shit in my free time.
#somehow post covid i am the last person you want to fuck with#i know how you did that behaviour and why cause im trained and educated with actual primary experience#sometimes the best people to go into therapy are the ones who were toxic people that became better with hard work and therapies#constant lifelong victims aint shit. your not looking outside yourself and/or intellectualizing what your feeling#feel a bit then take yourself accountable to your actions#okay i need sleep#nighty night#dont let the bed bugs bite
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A lil Blurr redesign for the Life of Rescue Bots Au because I wanted her to look femenine (I know in the show is male but Rescue bots don’t have enough women and I wanted some body angst for the Chase and Blurr plot, and by that I mean father and daughter plot)
I added the lil things that look like antenae cause of Chase’s moving fins of his head sides, that move when he hears something, and also I added an ambulance mode because they really need a real ambulance in the program, they don’t even have one in academy :v
In conclusion: i keep much of the body shape cause of her personal plot but also wanted her head to look femenine, and of course her character as well, added and alt mode ambulance and antennae so she would look physically more to Chase
In this Au she was an ilegal racer back on Velocitron before the war knock at the planet, she was one of the best but always get injured, the debts were higher and with the police getting out of control just as the people, she and Salvage decided to escape together to another planet near, but something went wrong and they both ended up crashing on earth and then into stasis, if they weren’t asleep so much time they would probably had Chase’s age but due to the stasis, they remain as teenagers, the day the sky turn red and green due to the battle between Mandroid and the autobots, the ship they were trapped into send a signal to Griffin Rock, because it was near, so the rescue team went into the rescue and awake them, becoming since then the two new members of the rescue team with Sissi. Even if sometimes acts like a kid she is really passionate and love people but is a little insecure in the moment of recieve and give care, she was orphan just like Salvage, they only learned to trust in each other, even when Blurr treat Salvage like less and lie to him too much times to count it or Salvage says things at her ear to annoying her and keep her away from the rest.
it’s actually something i want to talk about not here but in a comic but if Blurr and Salvage are teenagers who grew up alone and treated like scrap i would not be surprised that they depend too much into each other at the point of a toxic relationship where Blurr treats Salvage like less even if can’t do anything without him and Salvage makes her think no one is enough or secure for her except him, so, yeah, both have problems and need therapy… you know? I’m going to edit Salvage’s psychiatric disorder from ‘none’ to ‘emotional dependent’ I literally just thought in the idea and like, i didn’t even planned that Salvage and Blurr would be such a mother fraggers ajksjaksjs
But don’t think wrong, Blurr and Salvage are not bad, they are just hurted and don’t know how to deal with the situation, Blurr can be a little egotistical for all the years she had been thinking and taking care about herself and Salvage talk to her just like she wants because he knows her well, enough to be like a second conscience, they do what they think necesary to survive because what is now a toxic relationship was Salvage’s superhero who could keep him safe and sound and never allowed a night without energon, and Blurr’s family who cure her wounds and kept her faith in humanity (well, velocitranity?), they just were together too much time and started treating the other with more authority than they actually have.
I think sleep absence is making me do angst, night mfs, I need more sleep than Kade dreaming with gremlins
#art#for you#artists on tumblr#illustration#oc artwork#transformers#for your page#rescue bots#Life Of Rescue Bots Au#Blurr#Salvage#tf rescue bots#tfrobotsindisguise
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ZUTARA...
Okay, so my thoughts...
Look, I'm an OG fan. I was a teenager when the animated show came out and boy oh boy...
Okay, so yes, I am a Zutara shipper. I have been since the show aired, and the way the show ended with Aang and Katara left an icky taste in my mouth. I'm not anti Kataang either. It just gives me... eew. Especially now that I'm an adult and I know relationships are messy to begin with. I don't agree that the show creators think that Zutara would be toxic... that is not necessarily true as Zuko's character doesn't support such a thing and neither does Katara's. Aang is still a child mentally and he doesn't seem to understand that people are going to do what they are going to do. Case and point, The Southern Raiders. Aang confronts Katara telling her that she should let it go and forgive Yon Rah... the only problem with this is that Katara needs to deal with her own closer. Forgiveness does not mean closure. Take it from me, a person who has difficulty letting go of hurts from the past. Some things I can forgive, while other things I can't because they are still a problem for me today, which is why I'm in therapy. It is not up to Aang to decide what Katara needs to do in that moment. If anything, he is showing his complete misunderstanding of her resolve. She is angry, hurt, and compulsive. She is feeling these things because her past has been thrown in her face by Zuko's presence. Because he is there, all that hurt is like a thousand daggers in her back. Zuko is letting her do. He is letting her feel, and for those who say he is encouraging her to murder someone, that isn't what is going on. He is basically letting her do what she needs to do. When someone is feeling that way, you wither let them feel it and support them or you get out of the way. People are going to do what they want. It's a hard lesson to learn.
Aang has his world view of peace and compassion, which is not a bad thing, but he lacks understanding. Probably because he is still a child and still learning the ways of people. People are cruel and sometimes unforgiving, but we can also be kind, loving, and filled with hope. Aang sees the good in everyone, except Ozai, which I'm pretty sure the only thing good about Ozai is the fact that Mark Hamil is behind his voice. But anyway, I like Aang. He's a good character that transforms everyone he interacts with. That is the best quality about him. The absolute worst of his qualities is that he tends to push his beliefs into the open without taking a moment to think about how others feel. And that isn't even that bad. It's a disregard of those emotions that leave a little bit of bitterness in my mouth. But that is something everyone struggles with at one point. That is just being human.
But yeah, this is just my humble opinion. Relationships are messy and they need work. They arent always going to be perfect, which is why neither ship is going to be better than the other. Does Aang and Katara have a happy marriage? Well, I can't say that they do because there isn't much to go on other than they have children. I'd like to think they have their ups and downs like most relationships do.
Would Zuko and Katara have a good relationship? Going off of their character I'd say they would balance each other out. It won't be toxic because they do fine when they are together in the show. They work well as a team and have each other's backs. So yeah, that is there in the show.
I'd also like to point out that Zuko and Mai don't tick the boxes for outstanding relationship. Those two have been on and off and I honestly don't think they will get back together. Kinda reminds me of the guy I was on and off with for five years... now that was toxic.
But yeah. I've done the shipping thing for so long it doesn't matter if it's Canon or not. Like I seriously shipped Sesshomaru and Kagome for years even though I knew she and Inuyasha were going to be together. Didn't care too much for Sess/Rin because again... eew. You ship who you want and what you feel makes sense. Does this mean people have to berate others about it? No. There should never be any condescension or degrading because we are all fans.
But for real... I think Azula and Sokka should get together. And I'm not on the Taang ship either.
Fight me... I dare you.
#so many ships out at sea#which one to hop on?#zutara#kataang#character study#life experiences#zuko#katara#avatar aang#avatar the last airbender
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I just took your uquiz (got Madhouse at the End of the World) and I'm obsessed - I think I might have found a new special interest!!! Please talk polar expeditions to me, I'm foaming at the mouth, absolutely feral. Just infodump like crazy please, I'm on my knees and begging
I'm so glad you liked the quiz!!
Apologies for turning this post into a larger primer!
I hope you enjoy Madhouse--secretly I think it's the best result on the quiz (though it's not my own result; that's A First-Rate Tragedy). Madhouse has a bit of everything & if you're looking for truly insane anecdotes to regale your friends with, it's your best bet. A smattering of what you'll find in Madhouse: an army of rats, toxic gases sickening the expedition leader, scientists drawing cartoons about poop and butts, a man being mistaken for a seal at the worst possible time, brutal disregard for cats by a man who would go on to co-found the International Astronomical Union, the invention of light therapy, really bad uses of petroleum jelly....& that's just scratching the surface! And it all takes place during the first overwintering in Antarctica. thisisfine.gif
The one downside (not a downside depending on your perspective) for Madhouse as a starter book is it has nothing to do with Shackleton or Scott, and you'll soon find the majority of the English-language books on the Heroic Age, for better or worse, relate to those two. Madhouse DOES have a young Roald Amundsen (later the first man to the South Pole), who is a FASCINATING figure, and his first trip to Antarctica was often overlooked before this book afaik.
So I chose my three books for the starter quiz very carefully. Madhouse at the End of the Earth by Julian Sancton, A First-Rate Tragedy by Diana Preston, and Endurance by Alfred Lansing are all accessible secondary sources. They are readable (not overly academic) & don't require background info, doing a good job introducing people and terms (polar exploration has a whole associated vocabulary). Just as importantly, they're all exciting & well-paced & gripping! Once you've found your bearings, there's a whole specialist literature of polar history for polar scholars and enthusiasts. Broadly, I break it down thusly:
- Primary source expedition narratives: firsthand accounts of expeditions by people who were there. Within this there are a few subcategories: books always intended to be written by explorers when they returned home (this was a significant source of income for expeditions), like Scott's The Voyage of the Discovery, Mawson's Home of the Blizzard, or Shackleton's The Heart of the Antarctic. There's books not-originally-intended but the author decided to write them years later (The Worst Journey in the World by Cherry-Garrard, Saga of the Discovery by Bernacchi). And then there's diaries that were never intended to be published--often, they were written for the explorer's family, or perhaps to help the expedition leader write the narrative. But they weren't meant to be published verbatim. Time, fame, tragedy, and general interest sometimes led to them eventually seeing publication--this is especially the case for a lot of the Terra Nova diaries, & was most famously done for Scott's own diary, which he had intended to edit into a book, but not to publish in raw form. Providence, of course, had different ideas.
- Secondary source expedition narratives: Madhouse and Endurance from my quiz both fit this category, for the Belgica and Imperial Trans-Antarctic (better known as the 'Endurance') expeditions, respectively. (First-Rate Tragedy I'd moreso call a Scott biography). These are accounts of expeditions written by authors/historians who were not on the expeditions in question. There's a LOT of these, and they vary widely in quality. Some offer new scholarship or cover something that hasn't been covered before; others are...less rigorous. Have a browse at your local thrift store/charity shop/secondhand bookstore. If you're lucky they'll have some polar books. Flip through and see if there's a robust citations section, or footnotes, and ideally in-text citations for quote attributions. This can give you some sense of the quality as you're wading into the sea of books!
- Biographies: Exactly what it says on the tin! Instead of picking an expedition to focus on, these books are about one explorer and his life (almost always "his", though there are a few exceptions like Ada Blackjack). There are, once again, a lot of these! Scott and Shackleton in particular have a lot of biographies. I personally didn't read many biographies before this obsession, and I find them a really interesting format in which the biographer is important too, not just the subject. I'm developing opinions about when and how biographers should include relevant cultural context, the amount of the author inserting their opinion that I prefer and how it should be indicated in the text, etc. Similarly for the secondary sources above, check the indices and citations. I'm constantly flipping back to check sources while reading, one of the reasons I prefer physical to e-books!
- Other: There's always another category, isn't there? There's tons more! Cultural histories like Spufford's I May Be Some Time: Ice and the English Imagination (I recommend you get a few books under your belt before reading that to get the most out of it), travelogues mixed with history like Sarah Wheeler's Terra Incognita, Bea Uusma's The Expedition which flips back and forth between time periods, & more!
Like any taxonomy, there's flaws with the above, and things that don't fit, but that's broadly how I see the landscape!
Tips, tricks, & things to know:
- Polar books are most often found in the "Travel" or "Travel Literature" section. Sometimes you can find stuff in "History" "Biography" or even "Sports" lol. A parallel interest is Mountaineering, so if a place has Mountaineering books, they may well also have polar.
- It can be very helpful to familiarise yourself with the Edwardian era in general -- it's a fascinating cultural history in and of itself, and its the most modern era before the great global "end-of-innocence" of the First World War. Sometimes the things these guys are up to really ARE crazy, sometimes it's just that they're Edwardians and something is lost in the translation.
- Like many subjects historians have been writing about for over a century, polar exploration history authors have their biases. The most common one is whether or not the author likes Robert Falcon Scott. This goes back to a controversial book called Scott and Amundsen, published in 1979 by Roland Huntford. (It's also found under the title The Last Place on Earth, based on its TV show adaptation.) Huntford retells the "race to the South Pole" elevating Amundsen and in the process doing a very good job of destroying Scott's reputation by debunking him as an incompetent bungler. From what I've heard from others (I haven't read it yet, though will eventually for its historiographical value) it's a good source on Amundsen but everything he says on Scott should be ignored due to highly selective quotations and...well, active malice toward the guy. Basically, it's a callout-post/bombshell of a book that has had almost every subsequent historian touching on the topic going to great lengths to debunk in turn. Fwiw, I've also heard people say Huntford's Shackleton biography is good. Just. Don't listen to him about Scott.
- Imperialism motivated a lot of these expeditions, and frankly in my opinion this is something more of the literature NEEDS to talk about! A few that do a good job are Spufford mentioned above, & Larson's An Empire of Ice.
- I'd actually recommend don't start with diaries, bc they usually need some context to understand. Exception? Scott's final entries.
There you go! Happy reading! Also check out @areyougonnabe, she's got some great polar posts!!
#polar exploration#and I didn't even touch on the fictional adaptations#sorry this probably isn't want you wanted but its what ive written!
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nudging into the crook of your partner's neck
Eddie likes to think he’s pretty good at reading Buck, by now, and so he knows there’s something wrong even before Buck wordlessly wraps himself around Eddie, burying his face in the crook of Eddie’s shoulder. It’s hard for a 6’2 man of Buck’s size and stature to make himself small, but Buck does his best as he breathes heavily into the curve of space between Eddie’s jaw, and shoulder.
“Hi, love,” Eddie hummed, running a gentle hand through the tangle of Buck’s curls, pressing an apologetic kiss to the side of Buck’s head as his fingers got caught in a knot. “What’s wrong?”
Eddie felt the tears, before he heard them, Buck’s shoulders shaking under Eddie’s firm grip. He could feel his husband’s tears start to soak into the collar of his sweatshirt. There was quite a few things Eddie hated in life: peas, and the sound of thunderstorms, and the way Christopher’s lip would wobble, when he cried, and he really hated the way that Buck tried to fold himself up and make himself small when he cried, as though his emotions were an inconvenience to everyone around him.
Eddie also hated Buck’s parents (for obvious reasons.)
“It’s okay,” Eddie soothed, running a slow, gentle hand down the ridges of Buck’s spine, pressing gentle kisses to Buck’s hair, the side of his head. “That’s it - let it all out,” he encouraged, because he had never aspired be the kind of person who told the people he loved that there wasn’t any need to cry: no, sometimes you just needed to sob, and years of therapy and unlearning his own fair share of toxic masculinity had allowed Eddie to recognise that sometimes the people you love - namely your son, and husband - needed you to let them cry on you for a little while.
It took a couple of minutes for Buck’s sobs to slow to the heaving, hiccuping cries that normally signalled the end of his tears, Buck pulling back, brow furrowed and cheeks flaming red with embarrassment. “I’m sorry,” he said.
Eddie wasn’t going to let the apology continue, giving his husband a firm look. “What have we said before, hm? No apologies for your feelings,” he shook his head, using the sleeve of his sweatshirt to wipe away the worst of the tears, and snot.
“I know, I just - I feel like an idiot,” Buck huffed, but he let Eddie wipe away his tears, at least.
“You’re not an idiot,” Eddie shook his head, pressing a kiss to the corner of Buck’s mouth. “You’re a human - with feelings. Feelings I would very much like you to talk about, please,” because one of the things they’d promised when they got married was to be honest with each other, whether that was about big, or small feelings.
Buck sighed, and Eddie could tell he was taking one, two, three steadying breaths. “I sent my parents an invite to our wedding party,” he explained, because in a sort of typical Buck-and-Eddie way, they had woken up one morning and gone to city hall, with Christopher in tow, and gotten married on a whim, and so their friends and family had demanded they at least have a party to celebrate the matching gold rings they had been wearing for the last couple of weeks.
Eddie nodded. He’d done the same, and received an eager response from his parents - even if it had come with a gentle beration from his mom about getting married without having them all there to witness it. He hadn’t taken much notice: Eddie had only wanted his wedding to Buck to be about himself, Buck and Christopher. He and Buck had made the decision together, to invite their parents, though Eddie had his reservations about the Buckley’s. He’d kept it to himself: parents were complicated, and Buck’s more than anyones.
“They replied,” Buck said, his eyes watering again. “And said it was too far to travel, and that they had a dinner planned with their friends that Saturday anyway.”
Eddie really, really fucking hated Buck’s parents.
“I’m sorry, love,” Eddie brushed away the stray tears that had escaped Buck’s eyes. “I don’t know what else to say. I’m really sorry.”
“I know - I know I shouldn’t expect anything from them,” Buck admitted. “But I just - I thought they’d want to come to their son’s wedding. You know? I thought they’d be happy that I was in a proper, happy, long-term relationship. I thought they’d want to celebrate that.”
“They should want to,” Eddie said, and he didn’t often want to think about Christopher growing up, but he knew he would want to be front and centre of whatever celebration of love that might come in his child’s future.
“I feel so - silly,” Buck huffed. “For wanting them there. I feel like - I feel like I should be over it, by now, except I’m not, and I’m a thirty year old man crying on my husband because my parents just don’t - don’t want me.”
“It’s not silly,” Eddie shook his head. “Buck - baby, it’s not silly. You’re allowed to want your parents to care, and I’m sorry yours don’t. And I know I can never make up for that, but I want you. I want you so much I can’t breathe for it, sometimes, because I look at you and I see the rest of my life, and I see so much love, and adventure, and just - happiness. Because you make me so happy, Evan, I can’t even put it into words.”
Buck laughed wetly. “I think you just did.”
Eddie laughed, holding Buck close. “I love you,” he reassured. “And fuck your parents, honestly. Because in a month’s time, baby, we’re going to be throwing a big party with everyone we love most in the world, and I’m going to get to walk down the aisle to you, and I don’t need anything else in the entire world.”
Buck tucked his face into the crook of Eddie’s neck again, his breathing steady this time, folded around Eddie in a way that sought comfort, rather than tried to hide from it. Eddie was proud. “I love you,” Buck said, and that’s all that needed to be said, really.
Eddie wrapped his arms tightly around Buck, pressing his nose to his husband's jumper, the lavender scent of their laundry detergent familiar. “I love you, baby.”
send me a physical intimacy prompt
#911 fox#evan buckley#eddie diaz#buddie#911fic#in which i ramble#in which lorna writes fic#prompt fill#thank u friend!!
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Slashers toxic traits
Michael Myers: lack of communication
Michael refuses to communicate with you
Not because he can’t, he can, but also because he just doesn’t want to
You at first thought that he just didn’t like to use his voice
So you offered to teach him sign language or to give him a notebook to write things down for you
But he completely refused and stormed out the house
Another thing he does is leave you for weeks at a time
He’ll justify it to himself as needing to get his frustrations out by killing people
But you just see it as an excuse to not be around you for weeks
Sometimes you think that he’s just using you for food, sex and a place to sleep
Let’s say you break up with him like in my other post and he tries to get you back and succeeds like in this post
After that he does genuinely try and work on his communication skills and cuts down of the time he spends killing
To prove he wants the relationship to work he even learns how to communicate with you in sign language
But if he does succeed in getting back together with you it’s unlikely that Michael will make the mature alterations to his actions and will probably continue to sabotage your relationship
This is because he has the emotional intelligence of a child
You can’t really blame him for that, the asylum wasn’t the best place to be raised to be functional in adult relationships
Bo Sinclair: his temper
Bo has major anger issues
We can see that especially with Vincent
He throws stuff, yells and breaks household items
But then you came along
At the start of the relationship, Bo hides his temper and forces down his anger to seem like the perfect partner
He fooled himself into thinking that you made him a better person and that you could “fix him”
So he attached himself to you and rushed your relationship in an unconscious attempt to trap you in the relationship
But after a few months his temper came back and he no longer took it out on Vincent
He never physically hurt you, but he would yell at you for hours and his words would hurt just as much as if he physically punched you
If we’re going in the same universe as my break up post, the situation that pushed you over the edge was when he threw something and it missed your face by inches
You left and reminded Bo that you made him better and he made you worse
But I do genuinely think he could change as I’ve stated in this post
I think with therapy and talking about his issues that the two of you could have a genuinely healthy relationship
But this only works if he goes to therapy, if he doesn’t but you still go back to him, he’ll put the charming, calm facade that he had when you first started dating
It’ll quickly fade away though and then your back to square one
Vincent Sinclair : jealousy
Vincent has always been a jealous person
He was jealous of his brothers, for looking normal
He was jealous of Bo, for being called the handsome twin
He was jealous of his victims sometimes, because they got to have a normal, non abusive childhood
He was jealous of you when you first met, because you were the most beautiful person he’s ever seen and he wished he could be as beautiful as you
But when you started dating, his jealousy was ramped up to the next level
He saw every male as someone who wanted to steal you away
And when you and Bo started to form a sort of sibling bond, Vincent saw the “handsome brother” trying to take away the one person who was his
Vincent has a massive inferiority complex so he sees Bo as your perfect partner even though you and Bo are completely non attracted to each other
So that makes Vincent see you as an object, his object
That will eventually cause you to leave him
But if you get back with him like in this post, then Vincent will genuinely try and change his behaviour
He’ll become less possessive and jealous of you and he’ll see you as a person again
Not just as his beautiful object but as your own person with thoughts and feelings like him
Of course he still gets jealous but now instead of letting it fester and rot, he’ll talk about it with you and you can reassure him that you only love him
But that’s only if he can change, if he can’t he’ll let you go
If he genuinely does try but can’t change his behaviour no matter your reassurance, he’ll let you leave
Then you can be free and he loves you too much to see you go back to being sheltered again
Thomas Hewitt : not standing up to his family
Thomas loves his family
Correction he loves Luda may, but he still cares about Hoyt and monty
He adores Luda may but even she has used him as a verbal punching bag just like everyone else in the family
And that never really bothered him, until you came around
Luda may never really liked you because of her sons infatuation with you, she thought you were a temptress who made him stray from the Christian way
So along with Hoyt and monty she would give you snide remarks and verbal beat downs any chance she got
And while Thomas didn’t like how upset you were afterwards, he revelled In the fact he was no longer the family punching bag
He would never admit it but he secretly enjoyed when you would get yelled at because that meant he was safe
He definitely regrets his actions when you break up with him because he never stood up for you
And while sometimes he wanted to, he was too afraid of his family
So when you leave it breaks him
Let’s say he succeeds in getting you back though like in my other posts
He would attempt to heal all the wounds his family caused you and explains how he feared his family because he was raised being verbally and sometimes physically abused by his family
He has moved out of the house into an abandoned home in the village and only visits his family once a week to collect some meat and help kill some of the “livestock”
The only way the relationship would work is if he keeps his family separated from you and if he gave himself some independence from them
If he doesn’t then you’ll be put in the same position as before because even though he’s afraid to lose you, he’s more afraid of his family
If he does though, the two of you will live a relatively happy life and will even see each other as husband and wife
Asa Emory : lack of care for partners feelings
as I’ve said in my break up post, Asa treats you like a pet
He gives you little to no respect in a relationship especially of you were kidnapped beforehand
So of course this bothers you a lot
He especially shows his lack of care for you feelings when he practically uses you as a vessel to clear his pent up sexual aggression in the bedroom but he never cares about your pleasure and aftercare
In my breakup post, the thing that pushed you over the edge was when he said he was “owed some kind of payment for keeping you” so you left him
But he still doesn’t make a pure hearted attempt at changing, he instead decided to manipulate you into loving him again
And while yes, he does actually unknowingly and treats you more like a person in the relationship that doesn’t make up for the fact he’s using you still
He’ll constantly love bomb you with gifts, moving you into his home and a big expensive wedding all so you’ll play the part of American housewife
If your afab he also does it to give himself a son so he can pass down his traditions
Tiffany valentine : holding on to feelings for ex’s
Tiffany loved you with her whole heart, but she had a problem with fantasising about what her life would have been like if she had married Chucky
As stated in my break up post, she still held a candle for him and still brought him back to life
She was so caught up with this fantasy she forgot she was actually dating a loving, supportive partner like you
She practically cheated on you when she brought chucky back to life and talked about getting married to him and when you found out you got out of there immediately
That broke the fantasy for Tiffany along with Chucky admitting that he never wanted to marry Tiffany
So she settled with Chucky and it got her killed
She works on herself more when Glenda/glen came around and found that she truly missed you and was still deeply in love with you
Any love for Chucky had faded away after his constant verbal attacks and threats to their child
So like I said in this post when her soul is transferred to Jennifer tillys body, she sees this as a second chance with you and deceives you
She eventually comes clean to you and begs for your forgiveness which you give her
Honestly, I think the relationship will only truly work if Chucky is dead because he’ll always have a weird hold over Tiffany
But she does try and change for you and will be a pretty supportive and loving partner after your break up
#bo sinclair x reader#asa emory x reader#bo sinclair#michael myers x reader#vincent sinclair x reader#michael myers#thomas hewitt x reader#vincent sinclair#asa emory#thomas hewitt#Tiffany valentine x reader#Tiffany valentine#slashers break up#slashers x reader angst#slashers x reader#slashers toxic traits#angst#fluff#bo sinclair x reader fluff
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How do we feel about trudy? Personally i don't like her, or maybe i just got so sick of monk mentioning her every minute.
I really like the show but hated most moments that were about trudy.
I don't know it felt so awkward to watch. and i know shes his wife and it's hard to get over a lover dying but come on, 8 years. Its okay if he brings her up sometimes i just don't think it's necessary that they bring her every episode or so.
Also i don't really appreciate the way they portrayed ocd, I feel like the show would've been much better if they didn't exaggerate some things.
But that's just my opinion though! you may not agree and i hope i phrased my thoughts right because English isn't my first language
*long post so half of this will be under the cut!
**you phrased your thoughts just fine dear, no worries <3!!
when i started (re)watching Monk, i definitely felt my own heart ache for Adrian because loosing someone who you love that makes life look better, seem better and makes it out to be something you can manage is amazing. I loved that Monk truly loved his wife that much. It's hard letting go of someone who loved you for who you are and didn't try to turn you into something else. Or make you hate yourself even more.
About 5 seasons in though, the potrayal of her became more of something like... painting her out to be the perfect wife, woman and person - and while we can't exactly dispute that because we only get flashbacks, hallucinations, dream-like visions and the episodes at the end. No one is perfect and it did grow to be a bit tiresome.
At some point, you do realize that it turns to unhealthy dependency. On her. On the memory of her. On their past relationship. The years go by and Adrian is stuck in one place. And yes, there are episodes where he does make a bit of progress, ask other women out and tries to go out with them but then, it doesn't work out (it never will, that's always the transparent outcome).
Trudy stands for acceptance and love all through out the show. And the other characters (Natalie, Stottlemeyer, Sharona and later on, Randy) show that easily too.
Thing is though, with Trudy and a lot of other things; Monk does not have the proper coping mechanisms/processes etc. He's not that great at understanding his own emotions and letting things go. Though, that gets better over the course of the series.
Not towards Trudy though and partially, i definitely blame the writers. I would have loved to see more of Monk self-healing. Self-healing and accepting himself (which is fucking hard) but it would have been great to see a man so broken down and unable to move on finally love himself. There's a lot of self-albeism in the show that Monk sets on himself, toxic masculinity standards and self-esteem issues. And ofc, a whole lotta bunch of things.
And I'm ngl, the show tried their best to tackle that. I'd have loved more of dealing with that. But 2002-2009 shows aren't overally the best with that. By the sixth season I stopped paying much attention to it. I found the episode Mr. Monk Stays Up All Night a bit... too much, lmfao.
And the episode where they think she's alive also feels,, this or that. Though, i think such a situation happening was not entirely RARE back then. Missing/Dead people do turn up again... once in a blue moon.
and yes, definitely. as a person with adhd & ocd myself there are episodes where i did have to just pause and walk around my house or take a break (and sometimes even skip) because i felt a bit offended or among the lines of "err,,, that's not exactly how it is/works..." -> especially towards the episode Mr. Monk Takes His Medicine. Didn't like how they portrayed that at ALL. The group therapy episode was also a little iffy but i've never been to group therapy myself so I can't say much there.
They could have done better research, because there are some things that just seem so out of the blue you have to pause but there are also other things that hit you right IN THE FACE that you feel seen and heard for a moment. the show definitely helped me feel like there was a chance for things i struggle(d) with when i was younger. But then again, ocd research isn't that great currently either. :")
To add on to that though. I'm not sure if you've given Mr. Monk's Last Case a try but i don't think they improved much on it there either. It's tiresome, tbh, that when people think ocd they think it's all about aligining things, cleaning things... like gosh, no, a person with ocd can have a messy desk, mugs littered all about their room too... so the writers do lean into being lackluster in their potrayal of OCD.
there's also the thing where most of the time, it's not easy for people to actually SPOT someone with ocd. the show makes it out to be an oddity, struggle for willpower and startingly exaggerated sometimes. Which is a shame. Though, extenuating circumstances can definitely make it worse so, it's here and there too.
Anyway! i think i rambled off a bit too much... i do agree with you on this anon! that the focus on Trudy grew, in some episodes, to be over the top. But Adrian's commitment to her is quite heart-warming but right now, I do tend to skip over those episodes, lol. Unless there's a particular thing I feel like watching in either one of them.
thank you for very much for the ask!! i love discussing such topics haha. i hope i managed to convey my own opinions on the show and Adrian/Trudy.
<3.
#monk 2002#adrian monk#trudy monk#not anti-trudy#i love them all so don't come at me guys lmfao#thank you for the wonderful ask dear anon!#anon asks
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“You’re just annoyed that your personal headcanon isn’t canon!”
Or; my personal thoughts (ranting) about the Loki series and its surrounding toxic discourse.
First of all, I’m going to preface this with the following: whether you loved or hated the Loki series, or you fall somewhere in between, your opinion is valid and if anyone tells you that you can’t express that in a critical manner, then they need to kindly go away. I should also mention the obvious which most people understand — death threats directed at anyone involved in making the series is disgusting and if you do so you’re fucking deluded.
Now that that’s out of the way…
I’m someone who wasn’t overly fond of the series in the end. I went in surprisingly hopeful after enjoying Wandavision and TFATWS. For the most part I really enjoyed the first 3 episodes (episode 3 being the best imo) but I found myself quickly disillusioned by how the narrative seemed to fall apart in terms of cohesiveness. Keeping it short and sweet, I feel like a lot of the relationships (whether platonic or otherwise) were rushed. I found Loki’d dynamic with both Mobius and Sylvie to be confusing, unbelievable, and all around not earned. It feels as though they had a start point and an end point (ie. Loki needs a genuine friend) but we didn’t see any of the journey in between to show how the relationship developed. The quote “after all this time…” in episode 6 sent me over. Like Loki pls you’ve known this woman for max two days or something… No, I’m not salty because he didn’t end up with Mobius. No, I’m not salty because of “selfcest”. I’m salty because I don’t think the relationships were done as well as they could have been. Also, even though no one asked, Loki x therapy is the only ship I give a rats about.
Other points include the following:
Loki felt more like a side character with little impact on the events in his own show.
Sylvie sometimes teeters into Mary-Sue territory, and at times appears to be valued only because she is a woman.
Mobius’ relationship with Loki seems inherently toxic and he is not his therapist. As someone who regularly attends therapy sessions, if your therapist ever talks to you like Mobius talks to Loki — get a new goddamn therapist, Jesus Christ…
In my opinion, the show explores very little of Loki’s character and what makes him tick, especially considering this is post-Avengers 2012 Loki. I’m aware there were only six episodes and I’m not expecting everything to be crammed in, but where Loki was in Thor 1 and the Avengers seems so disconnected from where he is in the series. It seems to portray him as someone hellbent on power and ruling, as opposed to someone desperate for respect and the love of his family/people.
But I digress, the real point of this post was to tell certain people to feck off. Obviously there’s going to be discourse around the series, but I’m starting to get really sick of one side telling the other “you put your personal headcanons on Loki”, “he’s not your character”, “you’re just annoyed because canon didn’t go how you wanted”, “you’re projecting your own abuse on him”, blah blah blah. And here was me thinking the discourse around Ragnarok was bad, but this is another level, lads.
Here’s an idea, how about people who liked the show stop acting like those who didn’t just pulled their opinion on Loki right out of their own ass? All I know is that every opinion I’ve ever formed on him was based on the first three films he appeared in. That’s it — nothing made up because I love to project as someone who went through similar shit to him.
Discuss the show, but don’t be a massive bellend about it.
In summary, Tom Hiddleston I am free next Saturday if you are free next Saturday and I’ll buy all the rounds of Jameson you need while we talk about Loki and how he — no matter what happens to him within the MCU from here on out — will always be one of favourite characters to grace the big screen.
(Anyway who cares what I think, people are just going to call me a whiny Loki apologist regardless.)
#loki#me saying shit#loki series#loki season one#loki show spoilers#anti loki series#anti loki show#found this in my drafts#and never posted idk why#so here you’s go lmao#Loki show discourse#tom hiddleston#loki series negativity
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Revisiting this blog now that we have had time to grow and heal
Hey guys, I am the host for the people who used to post on here and I have recently decided to revisit this blog since I have seen some people talking about it again in a positive light. After reading through all of the posts on here, I have come to the realization that a lot of us (including and especially me) were kind of being assholes when we made this blog, even if our intentions were to help people and we did some small amount of good at the time with collecting resources and advice.
The bottom line is, we were judgemental dicks who tried to tell people how they should or shouldn’t handle their spirituality, something very important and close to the heart. Our impulsiveness and misguided desire to help others I feel like did a lot more harm than good. And the only thing to do about that is to apologize and promise to be better people as we try to move forward with our lives. I suffer from paranoia due to PTSD and when we are not on our meds I am an insufferably horrible person to be around.
I was constantly fighting and seeking drama without even realizing it because I thought it was normal. When every single day you get fifteen phonecalls that have people screaming at you/gaslighting you and you also grew up surrounded by family who would do similar things, fighting and lashing out becomes the norm because it’s all that you really know. In these situations, nothing can help you but yourself and taking the drastic actions you’re too scared to do in order to finally take your life back. I was an idiot and I thought that I was fine because I had a therapist and I was “getting help” when in reality, I wasn’t really being helped at all and I was just spiraling and spiraling into more denial because my therapist couldn’t really keep my abuser away from me and any progress I made in therapy was pretty much instantly undone the second my abuser tried to call me or sometimes break into my house uninvited. And it was a catch 22 because no one wanted to be around us for very long when we weren’t medicated and it was hard to find real support or connections for very long since we kept fucking it up in some way and none of the experimental “system rules” we came up with ever seemed to do any good with preventing it.
But that isn’t normal. And I shouldn’t have let myself or anyone in our system become this kind of person. I honestly kind of hate my past self even reading some of the things I wrote on here and typing out this post lol.
Also, I felt like we constantly had some invisible bar we had to reach to ever be accepted by anyone which is part of why we had such a unreasonably strict approach to this blog. When everyone leaves you because you are a toxic person to be around and you are aware that something is wrong but you don’t know what it is, it makes you try to people please in the desperate hope that it can make you less of a broken person.
So again, I want to apologize to everyone we hurt with this blog. We can act like adults now and we are in a much better place. We have mostly retired from the internet lately and I think this trend is probably going to continue since it is just better for our mental health when we don’t post things that thousands of strangers can see and be hurt by if we fuck it up. We have finally managed to cut our abuser out of our lives for good in a way where we can finally feel safe and not feel like someone is going to come after us at any time or stalk us even if it took years to do.
But I’m done with fighting people all the time because the truth is, it doesn’t help anyone in the end, especially not with online discourse. All it does it make things worse and get people hurt. Hell, I’m even done with the community itself because I can’t trust myself not to fall back into the same patterns and fuck it up again. From now on, we are going to put all of our newly found energy and time into becoming the best people we can be and just existing away from the online soulbonding community and most online communities in general.
No more people pleasing. No more being on edge all the time. No more blogs. No more telling people what they should or shouldn’t do or what is or isn’t going on. This is soulbonding. No one even knows wtf we are really dealing with or a lot of the hard gritty things behind why soulbonds are a thing in the first place. All we have is theories and our theories aren’t better or worse than other people’s theories. Even if people don’t see soulbonding the way we do, in the end that is no longer our business because soulbonding should be a personal thing that people should explore themselves.
So while reading through this blog, please take everything here with a grain of salt. Yes, there are bits of good or helpful information here, but some of us were assholes and I 100% admit that and want to not be one anymore.
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Hello there! You've been visited by the random question fairy! ~ ☆
How easily does your character give out second chances? Have they ever regretted giving someone a second chance? Why?
Oh! A miracle! Yay! :D Thank you, random question fairy 💕
_________________________________________
My Farmer OC, Julian, is generally kind by nature, and most often forgives offenders, believing that there is no point in wasting his nerves and strength. But to give a second chance depends on the situation.
Julian had practically no friends before moving to Stardew Valley. Those coworkers at Joja's company that he got to socialize with either ignored him or took advantage of him. This took a huge toll on his self-esteem, but luckily his parents' support and therapy helped him deal with toxic people. He forgave almost all offenses and let go of all past negativity, but became more cautious when meeting new ones.
There were times when Julian crossed paths with his old coworkers who were genuinely sorry for their actions, and Julian was able to forgive them because he saw genuine remorse. He can not call them super best friends now, of course, but still has friendly relations, sometimes chatting with them.
There was, however, a moment when he gave a chance to a man, a colleague from Joja, that he decided to take advantage of Julian again. Fortunately, the young Farmer recognized the manipulative behavior, and quickly and firmly ended the whole conversation. He's not their "old friend" - period. Fuck them (yes, Julian can swear).
If anyone tries to hurt him or any of Julian's family/close friends... Yoba help them, for there is nothing scarier than the rage of a kind and patient man. I don't think he can forgive this....
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My opinions on Ted Lasso finale
Guys, the Ted Lasso finale was not a finale. It was a beginning. The beginning of a story we don’t get to see but it’s there.
Things change, it’s not that what happened this episode is gonna last forever in that universe.
Ted could come back to England in the future, but what he needed and what he felt that he needed was to stay close to his son. He was miserable when he left him in the first season, he was miserable knowing he wasn’t close and his kid’s childhood happens only one time. Yes, he was a great dad even from far away, but he was miserable. Yes, he left a lot of friends there. But he’ll figure it out, he’s doing what he feels it’s right.
I’m seeing people upset because everyone is doing fine without Ted. What did you expect? It never was about him, it was his mindset. He gave them his mindset, but they are people too. They are all a large family and they work well even if a piece is away. I mean it would have been devastating knowing that you built something for the past 3 years and the moment you look away everything fell. It would have been much worse imho.
About Roy and Jamie, I think someone idealised them because they did say stupid things. Because sometimes they are like that. They are not perfect. They are not bad bad people either. They are selfish sometimes, harmful even. Tell me you never said something harmful just because you were hurt and wanted to hurt someone else too.
Keeley knows that, she knows that they’re dorks and that they’re getting slowly better and love them, she knows how to forgive. And finally Roy is going to therapy. That is very very good. Roy and Keeley and Jamie are friends, even if they did one thing wrong. Because people can forgive other people.
About Trent, yes he didn’t have much screen time but honestly he’s never been a main character or anything and the characters were many. We did have the mere shadow of some crumbs but okay, I love him and I’m happy that he’s living his best life. Also he’s in love with Ted and you can’t change my mind.
About Bear and Jane. Is their relationship toxic? Honestly I don’t know. Because we only have Ted’s point of view in this. I think Beard likes that their relationship is fucked up, and Jane likes it too. We don’t know almost anything about them. But if Beard wasn’t happy with her he wouldn’t have gotten off the plane. So idk I’m just gonna let them living their life.
Rebecca and the Dutch guy: irrealistic but he seems nice. They are good and living their best life.
Rebecca giving the share to the fans: lovely. (I don’t know anything about economic things)
About Tedbecca, I’m so fucking happy that we got to see a nice friendship between main characters who are allegedly cishet. No drama, no sex, no nothing, just friendship and growing and rooting for each other. Love it. They’re besties and they have my heart.
Jamie and his dad: oh no, people forgiving people yet another time. I mean, if his dad is getting better and doesn’t drink and wanted to show his son that he’s proud why should we get angry? Is it irrealistic? Maybe, but in the show it’s possible and I’m happy for Jamie.
Nate: so happy for him
Colin: I knew he would have kissed his fella. I’m so proud, I wanted them to win the match just to see them kiss.
Can people be perfect? No. (But Higgins can, he’s perfect, he’s my baby)
Was this show perfect? No. But it gave me feelings and I liked it most of the time. But it was written by people, who are not perfect.
#ted lasso#ted lasso finale#I could edit some things but these are my raw thought and I wanted to free them in the wild#ted lasso spoilers#ted lasso 3#ted lasso season 3#my opinion
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I recently saw a comment on the Locked Tomb series about how the commenter didn't want to read HtN and beyond without knowing how Gideon and Harrow's relationship was handled, specifically if the books 'address the abuse in their relationship' and complaining about how fandom 'romanticizes' their relationship, esp. the pool scene.
And. I don't want to misinterpret that commenter's words or ascribe bad faith to them (which is part of why I'm making this separate post). There is a lot of potentially triggering and fucked up stuff in The Locked Tomb books, including in Gideon and Harrow's relationship, and maybe the person was just looking for more specifics to help them decide whether to read on and worded their comment poorly.
But. Okay.
If you're not familiar with the series, abuse and trauma are a major theme in the books. Gideon and Harrow are the main characters (of at least the first two books), and their whole deal is that they are a pair of teenagers who grew up with only each other for company under horrifically abusive conditions. They, in turn, spent most of their young lives reflecting that violence and trauma back on each other. The pool scene that the commenter complained about is the characters recognizing that, addressing it with each other head on, and taking the first steps to realizing "hey maybe it was the system that did this to us that's the fucked up thing here."
Like, the books do address "the abuse in their relationship." That's what the pool scene (among many others) is doing, and it continues to be a major part of the series, because it is a major part of who those characters are. But what they don't do is: 1) have the characters sit down and Therapy Talk it all out or 2) separate out any characters (or even the specific actions of the characters) into "Good" and "Abusive."
And this comment got to me because it felt like a symptom of the much larger problem, where readers want their books to clearly explain in simple prose what is Right and what is Wrong, who is Bad and who is Good, with clear answers and resolutions and no room for interpretation or metaphor or the very many shades of nuance that exist.
Relationships in books don't have to be healthy and it's not only ok if they are not - it is often good that they are not! Books give us a chance to explore complicated feelings, complicated relationships, complicated ideas of trauma and love and harm and redemption, in safe and controlled ways.
Because this kind of black-and-white thinking translates to real life in really harmful ways. People who approach fiction like this learn to approach real life relationships like this too, looking for who is Good and who is Bad, who is Victim and who is Abuser. But even in real life, it can often be hard to tell if something is abusive, and if so, who the abuser is. This is true from the outside of a relationship (see how many people were and still are convinced that Amber Heard abused Johnny Depp and not the other way around, because she - as abusive victims often do - did bad and weird and uncomfortable and sometimes even cruel things in their relationship), but also from the inside (this is why DARVO works on people!). If you stick around in any large enough social group long enough, online or off, you will probably eventually run into a situation where two (or more) members of the group cross-accuse each other of some sort of miscount, including abuse, and it's not always easy to tell who (if any) is right - especially at first blush, when you might be getting biased information from one side that makes the other side look really bad.
And beyond that - there are lots of toxic relationships where things can go very very wrong, people can hurt each other really badly - but everyone involved can still be trying their best. (Speaking from personal experience: this is especially true when you start getting mental illnesses involved - there are a lot of people with different expressions of mental illnesses that will not play well together, and trying to force them to without addressing the potential for unintentional hurt - because if everyone is a good person no one can get hurt! - can go very very wrong.) And young people, people inexperienced with relationships, people with different communication styles, people who grow apart over time - all of these can lead to relationships where people end up hurting each other. And it's essential to society that people learn how to navigate these complicated relationships, including recognizing that they themselves can make mistakes and hurt people, even if they don't mean to.
People don't have to read things that make them uncomfortable. But when a fictional book includes complicated relationships and complicated people, and doesn't offer any easy answers, it's not failing to address the issues it raises; it's helping train you to see the nuance that exists in the real world.
#the locked tomb#fandom#reading comprehension#minor spoilers for Gideon the Ninth but not beyond that#especially because I still haven't read Nona#if you think addressing and dealing with harmful behaviors means labeling the Victim and the Abuser and that's all#and those are eternal unchanging labels#you are setting yourself to never be able to recognize or admit when you yourself are engaging in harmful behavior#and I don't think that's necessarily what this specific person was saying#but given the way GtN is written#I can't read their comment as anything other than either#assuming HtN might completely forget about the characters and themes that were set up in the previous book?#or I need these characters to have a Therapy Talk where an Abuser and Victim is named or it doesn't count as addressing the issue
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BL/QL Ask Game : The Ugly, the Bad and the Worst
Thank you to @nieves-de-sugui for the tag!! I love these games. I'll try to do my best!
Worst soundtrack / weirdest song choice in a BL To be very honest I don't remember a lot of the soundtracks in BLs that I watch unless it really catches my attention. But, although this is not a track or a song, I will talk about weird sound effects or background scores that I remember. And if I'm not wrong it's probably, "Love by chance", for me or even Tharn type. I remember cringing to the point I couldn't carry on sometimes. Like at some parts, the score felt like it could be out of a cheap porno. I do not know if it's by design or if it just happened to be there. But Ugh.
Most cringe-inducing line (cute) I actually do not remember these much.
Most cringe-inducing line (actually bad) I agree with the little me's.
Most stupid decision made by a character It's been a while since I watched BLs and hence can't remember all the characters I internally screamed at, but there are a bunch of characters who made stupid decisions.
Worst plot line I'm sorry it's entire Tharn Type for me. I'm sure there are worse but what was the author even thinking? I'm sorry a TharnType hater here.
The most problematic show you've watched Also Tharn type. I cannot even begin to explain in words how much I hate that show. Like I have never rooted for two characters to not end up together as much as I have for Tharn and Type. Like, the dudes are incredibly toxic to each other and need loads of therapy before they even think of relationships. And the season two just made it even worse. They still need therapy. The author needs to rethink a load of things. Specially maybe at least do some research on CSA and how that impacts a person and then maybe write about it, instead of using it as a plot line. Ugh, that made me so mad.
A show people love but you find bad uhhhhh, I'm not too sure, but Cutie pie? I don't hate it but I don't think it's too good either. I just found it incredibly boring. It had a good start but man I couldn't keep up. It just kept dragging to no end. It was wild to see how many people enjoyed it.
A show people find bad but you will defend I agree with Utsukushii Kare.
A show that is just objectively bad but you enjoyed it I can't think of any.
A bad show that you kept watching because you were intrigued/fascinated Can't think of any either
A bad show that you kept watching because you were horny Can't think of any xD
A bad show that you kept watching because of that one character Can't think of any either xD
A bad show that you would still recommend I agree with My Day. It was hilarious
The character that ruined a show the most Thua from the Eclipse. The show was going great until the writer did what they did with Thua and he still got to face absolutely zero consequences for that.
Most awful character that you hated Thua from The Eclipse. I'm sorry I don't get how people defend him, he's awful.
Most awful character that you loved Agree with Aoey from Lovely writer
A character that wasn't awful but that you just don't like Not a huge fan of Kawi from Be My Favorite. But I don't hate him.
A hero that should have been a villain I can't think of any
A morally bad character you're into Not sure
A morally bad character you're not into and you wish people would stop being into Agree with Boston. I haven't watched Only Friends yet as I'm waiting for it to finish airing because I'm incapable of waiting a whole week for an episode to be out. But I'm keeping track of the storyline out of morbid curiosity. And yeah, Boston, I'm surprised people are even into him.
The show that disappointed you the most Cutie Pie and A Boss and a babe. Both started out incredibly promising but fizzled out as they came to an end. Both had similar problems. They both dragged out and I lost interest towards the end.
The Worst Show of Them All Because of Your Own Reasons Tharn type and What the duck. I mostly sat through Tharn Type because it dealt with topics that were personal to me but ended up absolutely pissed off because of it. I watched What the duck just to see how much worse it could get xD
This was a fun game! We should now do the same for the good BL's!
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I need to rant once about this issue because it bothers me a lot. I think I have tweeted about it a bit but twitter have word limits.
It's weeks I keep thinking of the side of the fandom who likes the actor who plays Ben so much they want Ben to have a redemption arc and I genuinely don't... Because it would go against what the character is and stands for, and sometimes it's ok to have people who are bad not realizing how BAD they are and keeping being bad if not maybe... 10 years later in therapy, when they understand they're shit? It's ok for some characters to not be able to see how wrong and toxic they are, because there are people like that, people who get to feel better one or two moments just by bullying the other person, but deep inside feel like shit because they're unhappy yet they're aren't able to break free of that mechanism that works for them. They're toxic and the only way to feel ok is by controlling others, controlling their partner, and seeking their own happiness and satisfaction over the other person's needs.
I don't want to see Ben more than necessary, to be fair he already had more scenes than the comic but they worked ok in the context of being a shit to Charlie until Charlie stands up for himself and his newfound happiness in his new relationship! I genuinely don't wanna see Ben have a redemption arc because at what pro? He doesn't show any sign of regret or understanding, the show has already short eps anyways and I don't want to see Charlie deal with him more than necessary,, if he reappears in s02. I don't want any romanticization of what they had, either, or his feelings for Charlie, because even if he might have had some, they have been far from healthy... The way he treated Charlie leaves no excuse or doubt, as he always prioritized himself and his needs, hurt Charlie when he didn't do what Ben wanted (i.e. The assault), and when they "broke up" he didn't wait a minute to gaslight him "who would even want to date you?" and belittle him (imo that was the worst part of the whole thing, or him saying things like yeah it's impossible for nick to be serious about Charlie because Charlie is a pathetic loser)... He keeps talking shit about Charlie, denying he even felt attraction for him, saying that Charlie isn't worth of love. That's the harshest thing to say, a spiteful remark that might be considered ok in other shows were the bully gets a redemption arc because deep inside he was ✨gay✨ and everything is forgiven now that he knows himself, but not in Heartstopper, the show that tries to show what's a good healthy romantic relationship, with their ups and downs but nonetheless spurring from genuine love and care.
In addition, I think the show made me hate Ben even more than the comic did because it clearly presents how his words and action have affected Charlie, even in his happy relationship with Nick, when Charlie has doubts about them being boyfriends... Ben has traumatized Charlie, gaslit him, made him believe that you can't ask too much from a relationship, can't have that sort of happiness or understanding, and I honestly won't forgive him, and I hope the show never does and never goes down that unnecessary path for the sake of fans.
Sometimes it's ok to look at your bully and say "you don't get to have an opinion on anything I do", and just leave and live your life at your best. Sometimes forgiveness isn't the answer either!! And it's ok!! You don't owe your forgiveness to homophobic toxic exes and bullies 👁️👄👁️
#Ben hope#Anti ben hope#Heartstopper#Personal#Rant#Mine#Yee finally i let it out now I can stop thinking about it maybe
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We live in different states now, but I reconnected with an old flame a long time ago after they decided to not speak to me ever again. They actually contacted me after 8 years. We spoke but I was so nervous that I started saying stupid things and they probably thought I was insane. I got carried away because I wanted to tell them everything. Old wounds opened and the blood covered both of us. Loneliness and love can make you do questionable things. They were one of the most influential people in my life, apart from my other half and good friends. They were the Steve to my Eddie.
I would love to speak to them again properly so they do not think I am a bad person. Sometimes I get carried away when I get excited or I do not know how to approach people so I end doing the contrary of what I want to express, which makes me a weirdo. Probably all her friends think I am the worst, which I am not. I would love to keep in touch, but they do not want me in their life. And it hurts so much. Lots of therapy have helped, and moving on with my life, traveling, getting a carreer, house, the whole "adulting".
I have days I think "Do they miss me?", "would they listen to me?", "would they understand how much they hurt me?", "would they, seeing that we are grown ups and mature, decide to give me another chance to have contact?", "would their friends see that I am not a bad person?", "would, would, would…?". I wish I could know those things so I knew I actually mattered to them.
I miss them, and I would love to tell them that I love them very much (platonically), that I am sorry and that they can always count on me if they are ever in trouble. My door will always be open for them.
Hey anon. Thank you for telling me all this, it mustn't have been easy to put such heavy feelings into words. Actually, before I reply to you, I want to tell you that I almost decided not to respond, because I relate to this so goddamn much. And by "so goddamn much" I mean "you're telling my story from the other end." And I'm going to crack myself open for you (even if it hurts so bad).
Something very similar (oddly, terribly similar) happened to me. I also connected with a person a long long time ago and we became best friends. And then more than that. That connection grew stronger until it became toxic and hurtful, for both of us. Sometimes, when I remember those times, I feel like maybe they weren't aware of how deep that relationship cut, how love slowly got stained with fear and sadness. Hurting each other became easier and more common than actually making each other happy. And it is so complicated to sort out because those feelings mix together; it's not like the bad feelings cancel the good ones. They... they become a whole new thing, unable to fix the way they were. Love doesn't go away, and that's what makes it so difficult. Sometimes it just happens, and it's fucked up.
In this story I was the one that got away. I was the one to put an end to it, and I swear to you, after all this years that I did not do that for me. I did that for them. I could have been there longer, I came from hard relationships, I felt like I could endure anything. But understanding that my mere presence in their life was hurting them was killing me. I didn't want to leave my bed, didn't want to talk to them, but I also wanted to all the time, I cried every night. Leaving them destroyed me. But I had to.
Leaving them in the dark was the worst part. I couldn't tell them "hey, I'm coming out of your life for ever because I'm the one who's making you miserable" because they would have worked their way to make me stay, because you know what? I wanted to stay, I wanted it so bad, but I knew that I couldn't, so I hurt them. I didn't tell them the real reason why I left.
And I see you here, wondering if they think about you. I don't know your story, but coming to terms to break such a deep relationship leaves a mark in both of you. A scar with different names and roots. One gives birth to a mental voice that keeps telling you constantly that they're going to leave you behind, and the other keeps remindind you that not only you're not enough to make people happy but that you will eventually hurt them.
As I said, I don't know the details of your story, but if your story is like mine, I can tell you that yes, they do miss you and think about you. They will remember silently when your birthday is, they will wish that you're well and thriving, and surrounded by your loved ones. Because in the end, around those scars are tattoos of the good things imprinted under their skin forever. Not only the bad remains. However, I personally rather not to run into this person again, not because I hate them (I certainly do not), but because we are bound to harm each other even if neither of us want to. And honestly, my heart couldn't take it anymore.
I am so sorry if what I'm telling you doesn't bring you any comfort or happiness. I am also sorry about what you're going through, because it is not easy, always wondering, hurting for so long. I wish you get to heal how you deserve. I wish you meet new people that makes great memories and they fill you with love that eventually your loss hurts a little bit less everyday until they stop hurting.
I truly, honestly, wish you the best. 💔
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Portals - sci - fi x romance
Only because my mutuals wanna read it , it's a failed wattpad story 💀 so ignore if ya don't like it ! I wrote this when i was 14 and it's unfinished, this post has two episodes .
Episode 1:
Everything in this world exists if you have the power to believe , you want something , you claim it subconsciously and to claim anything , you must imagine but doesn’t imagination solely depend upon the acclaims of our vision , we take parts by parts and turn it into a bigger picture well , think about it. As I move out of my house I see hriday standing across the road ,he waves his hand at me and I slowely shake my hand, for over more than a year , he has been my constant support when it comes to discussing my ideas we knew each other since we were children but he was so damn mean I don’t know what happened to him suddenly , he was such a dork he almost scratched my face in the 9 th grade . Our van arrives and meanwhile I cross the road and we hop into it ,
"so, are you going to the field trip next month" says he
" who calls it a field trip , crooked 900 shit"
" oh come on we would have fun".
." lets see"
Today is 8th of july, oh nothing significant but my stupid history test , well to me I really like to live in the present, the past sounds insignificant to me , what will you do by knowing who started the french revolution, why not focus on what led to this absolute well obsolete turmoil , well never mind this sceneries outside my van window make me feel more alive.
Well our school is absolutely the best in our area but I hate it !! I hate education, the ones given in our schools without the sole foundation to know what we actually want to learn .
As I screen through the room, I can see aarti sitting on the first bench, though my context felt like I was an absolute hater of education but I love aarti she has been through my thick and thins , she is so studious , it almost pains in my adams apple ,huh silly me I don’t have one, it seems like some protrusion on the skin of my neck.
Well I get my sheets and I write my paper successfully and I expect as average as it is always .
As I walk through the hallway I meet the actual mean girl , who is my friend despite I am still sometimes confused about us Reena Roy , is the actual beauty queen and the dumbest brain of rosevally ,I mean not dumb , at times I have no control over what I say so she is a little more average than I am , me calling her dumb actually messed it up right.
" tonight at the community park at 9 "
I nod my head and leave
Episode 2:
A week left for the field trip and I am still confused , I definitely want to go to the amusement park, its awesome their but I also want to stay with myself and read some therapy books and articles I am totally done with my life , I don’t understand the point of living anymore when I have no goals this become worse when your mother is absolutely toxic, I have always admired those western mother daughter relationships , where they actually love each other , I wonder how is that possible that human beings despite having so many things in common still manage to be different sometimes I am so jealous of the people with perfect families , great friends and the ones with proper life goals , mostly I am jealous of the people with the third category, no matter how bad my life would have been, if I really had something to live and thrive for I really woudnt be so saddned but here I am, nothing, I have serious anger issues I don’t know what I speak when I am angry, people always say have satisfaction in your life, well I don’t have a thing called it and I don’t think its something which is really necessary for me atleast for me desiring things is really important, if you don’t desire something in your life , what is the point of living a life .
To all those people who said satisfaction was necessary, FUCK OFF!!!!
Meanwhile as I go on reflecting on my life , there is a knock at my door I am so tired I don’t want to see who it is but I have to, and I see praveen, well I am really proud of him, he goes by they/them and he is the best , we just live nearby in our neighborhood and sometimes he comes along to do homework together, he tells me about his love interests and its fun listening to him , I suddenly get filled with so much warmth and happiness
" arent you coming to the field trip?"
" I necessarily don’t feel like it"
"oh come on today is the last date for registration , you are coming , no questions"
" Manvik needs help in his science project so I will stay"
" come on no, when did you start helping that jerk , don't you remember he used to bully us ?"
" okay honestly I need some time alone "
" sweetie take care, I am extremely sorry ,I gotta go shopping with my mom, she will kill me if I am late ttyl, I will call you in the evening "
" bye"
Maybe I should just take a shower or maybe I should go outside I don’t know what to do I am so devastated , I keep asking myself why am I so devastated , but I have no answers , I am just tired of hearing "no" why is this prominent I always wanted to be happy, I wonder why am I not last year I was declined for a mental treatment, just on the basis of our society at my lowest points I have this fantasy that I want to drown in the ocean how eternally blissful and how scary because I don’t know how to swim .
Obviously I aint goin , maybe binging riverdale is better
" not today yaa I got a great deal of homework"
" very well, bye"
"Bye"
This feels so immature 💀 , now mutuals you gotta deal with it ,
Tagging some :
@a-really-hot-caterpillar , @kaurava-apologist , @budugu , @young-potato-stuff , @lazydreamer19
Tell me if you wanna be tagged 💚
Deal with it 😛
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