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tobesoalive · 3 years

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Josh Kiszka NSFW Alphabet (Smut Headcanons)

ok....so I've been wanting to do one of these for a while and I may have gotten a little carried away. This is by far the smuttiest thing I've ever written, please forgive me. let me know if you guys wanna see more stuff like this, maybe with the other boys? idk anyways enjoy!!

Warnings: Everything....

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

Josh likes to stay inside you for a minute after he finishes, either burying his head in the crook of your neck or pressing his forehead to yours. Once you are both ready to part, he immediately goes to get you a glass of water and a warm washcloth to clean you up, making sure you’re doing okay. Sometimes one of you will suggest to clean off in the shower or soak in the bath for a little bit, and the entire time he’ll hold you close and press kisses to your temple, cooing words of praise and telling you how much he loves you.

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

Josh loves his mouth, how it can give you passionate kisses and whisper praises, but also bring you to an orgasm so easily. He loves your hands, the feeling of them roaming the expanse of his skin, how they look wrapped around his cock, and the tingle he gets when you tug his hair and claw his back.

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

There is nothing Josh loves more than being buried deep inside you when he cums. He loves the feeling of your walls clenching around him, loves to see his seed leak out of you when he’s pulled out, using his fingers to fuck it back into you. As far as your release goes, what he loves most is feeling you fall apart on his tongue, tasting your release turns him on more than anything.

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

Every once and a while the thought of you dominating him crosses Josh’s mind, specifically pegging. He had kept his longing a secret for the first year of your relationship but accidentally let it slip one night, but you informed him you’d try it out if he really wanted to. It became an activity you two revisit every couple of months.

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

The man has some experience under his belt - I mean he is a famous musician - but nothing too crazy. He had about five or six partners before you, but most of his experience he gained with you. Both of you had vastly improved your game over the course of the relationship, and you knew each other’s bodies like they were your own.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

Every position quite honestly, but he especially loves when you ride him. It allows him to gaze up at you and get the perfect view of his length going in and out of you, the sight often causing him to throw back his head and let out a throaty moan. Truly Josh loves any position, but especially the ones that allow him to see your face and the expressions you make. He still likes to have you on all fours every so often and also spoon you while lazily pumping in and out of you.

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

It really depends on the day, but most of the time sex with Josh is light and playful. Giggling is a common occurrence from the both of you during the act, and you will catch Josh with a smile on his face quite often.

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

Josh prefers to keep it natural down there, only trimming every once in a while if things get really out of hand. He has a dark happy trail leading down from his belly button to a lighter patch of brown curls on his pubic bone that surrounds his length. In addition I think Joshua doesn’t really care what his partner decides to do for their grooming, actually I believe he finds it extremely hot if they keep it natural down there because he thinks you were made perfectly.

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

Most of the time he is extremely intimate, only being taken out of the moment if there’s a lot of other stuff on his mind, or if he is particularly stressed, but he is a very romantic and attentive partner for the most part.

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

Let’s be honest, Josh has a very high sex drive, and that can be a bit of a problem when he’s on tour or when you’re not around. He takes care of himself by thinking of you, porn isn’t really his thing, if he’s gonna have some sort of visual aid it is going to be photos/videos of you, his favorites being intimate polaroids he’s taken of you that he keeps hidden away.

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

Whooo boy, there are a lot of things this man is into. I’d love to go more into detail on each one of these, so maybe one day I’ll write a piece on these. To name a few, Josh is into hair pulling, light choking, period sex, squirting, mutual masturbation, praise, edging, domination, i really could go on forever.

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

Your shared bedroom is always the top choice, but you guys like to get creative, you’ve done it in the shower, bath, car, backyard, restaurant bathroom, empty field at night, secluded hiking trails, his childhood home, and when you guys are very impatient he’ll bend you over the kitchen counter or prop you up on the arm of the couch.

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

It doesn’t take much to turn this man on, he’s so insanely in love with you that everything you do gets him going. Sometimes on stage he’ll spot you in the crowd, seeing you dancing and singing every word, that’s something that really gets to him, and it takes everything within him to not run off stage and fuck you right then.

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

Josh wouldn’t wanna do anything that puts you in pain, he hates seeing you suffer and would never want to do anything that hurt you, no matter if it would feel good for him.

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

There is nothing more beautiful than the face Josh makes when you take him in your mouth. He closes his eyes and leans his head back, grinning with his perfect teeth and sticking just the tip of his tongue out. His moans and words of praise are angelic as well, and the way his soft eyes gaze at you as you swallow his release. As much as he loves your mouth, he prefers to have his on your core. God that man eats your pussy like it’s last meal. Lapping and sucking at your clit, alternating between dipping his fingers and tongue into your tight cunt. He could-and has- cum from just eating you out, it brings him just as much pleasure, and his mouth waters thinking about how good you taste.

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

He’s all of it. It depends on what mood you’re in but this man will make slow, passionate love to you in the morning, fuck you fast and rough in the evening and everything in between.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

Josh doesn’t mind a good quickie every once in a while. If you have somewhere to be 10 minutes after he gets home from the studio, no problem. Man can make you cum in less than five minutes, and he does not hesitate to demonstrate.

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

Yassss Joshy boy loves to take risks, as long as you’re comfortable. If you propose an idea and it intrigues him, you’ll be trying it within the next five minutes. That’s part of what makes your sex life with Josh so satisfying, you two aren’t afraid to switch things up.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

Usually two is where Josh taps out, but sometimes you two decide to stay up all night smoking, talking, cuddling and fucking. Times like those he can go about 4 or 5 rounds. When you two are both home he fucks you at least twice throughout the day.

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

You own a few toys that you both use, together or alone. After he left for tour once Josh bought you a vibrator so you wouldn’t miss him too much. Sometimes he’d pull it out while fucking you, just to hold it on your clit. That usually ended with you making a big mess and Josh being extremely satisfied.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

Josh likes to tease you a little bit, but he actually enjoys it more when you’re the one teasing him. He likes still being a little submissive.

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

Much like on stage, Josh is loud in the bedroom as well. Between his throaty moans and grunts, he also is constantly talking to you. He responds to your sounds by saying “Yeah, you like that?” and “tell me how good it feels” and so much other dirty talk because he’s a cocky little shit. He’s also big into praise, whether that be praising you or getting praise himself.

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

If there’s one thing that makes Josh feel totally elated, it’s making you squirt. The first time he did it was totally unintentional, he was just eating you out like usual, but his fingers curved a certain way and you bursted. It was the hottest thing he’d ever seen, and he became obsessed with making you do it over, and over, and over again.

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

This man has a beautiful dick. It’s about 7 ½ - 8 inches long with some nice girth to it. It leans a little to the left and has a nice curve to it, and it has some veins that rub your walls deliciously. He used to be self conscious of his dick but you assured him it was perfect and it never failed to please you.

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

Have you seen how hyper this man is? You briefly mention something or even say the word “sex” in a sentence and his clothes are off.

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

Depends on the day, but for the most part he likes staying up for a little while to talk with his arms around you, eventually quietly thinking about how lucky he is before drifting off.

#josh kiszka #josh kiszka imagine #josh kiszka smut #josh kiszka fan fic #jake kiszka #jake kiszka imagine #jake kiszka smut #jake kiszka fanfic #sam kiszka #sam kiszka imagine #sam kiszka smut #sam kiszka fanfic #greta van fleet #greta van fic #greta van fleet fan fiction #greta van fleet imagine

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just-a-little-cellist · 3 years

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Levi Ackerman - NSFW Alphabet

A/N: i'm bored so i'm just writing these nsfw headcanons for all my comfort characters, don't judge me. feel free to request - i posted request rules so go check it out :)

enjoy! nsfw under the cut :P

A - Aftercare (what are they like after sex)

The first time you have sex, Levi needs a lot of comfort. He'd never been that vulnerable with someone before and it took a lot for him to open up like that, so aftercare for him is the priority. Once sex becomes more frequent and he gets used to everything, he's the one to clean you both up but he still needs more emotional reassurance than he'll admit.

B - Body part (fav body part of themselves/their partner)

He isn't a vain person, so he'd probably say his arms just because of how much you love them. He wasn't too fussed at first but because of all the attention you give them he's started growing fonder of them.

His favourite part of you is your neck and collarbones. He didn't even realize he had a thing for that until he met you, and whenever you wear chokers he can't take his eyes off you.

C - Cum (where do they prefer to cum?)

Levi prefers to cum on your stomach, purely because it makes it easier to clean up. (He's always very mindful of any mess.)

D - Dirty secret (self-explanatory)

It obviously couldn't happen because of his status, but it sends a shiver of arousal through him whenever he imagines you humiliating him in public. It's something he wants to try in private, though he's nervous to talk about it with you.

E - Experience (how experienced are they?)

Levi is a virgin, since he doesn't have sex with people he doesn't genuinely, 100% trust. You'll have to guide him through everything at the beginning, however he's a quick learner and picks it up pretty fast.

F - Favourite position (goes without saying)

He likes missionary a lot because it lets him feel close to you, and he'll melt if you wrap your arms around his neck and your legs around his waist. He also gets shy sometimes, so this position is perfect to hide his face in your neck.

G - Goofy (are they goofy or serious in the moment?)

Other than the odd sarcastic comment, he's generally serious. If he's in a vulnerable position then joking around doesn't calm his nerves at all.

H - Hair (opinions on grooming etc.)

Levi keeps his own hair neatly trimmed. He'd prefer if you keep yours vaguely under control but, as long as it's clean, it's up to you how you keep it.

I - Intimacy (how intimate are they during sex?)

It takes him a while to fully open up to you, but sex becomes one of the most intimate moments you ever share with Levi where he truly breaks down all his walls for you, just the two of you.

J - Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

He doesn't tend to masturbate unless he's really desperate. Something about it just makes him uncomfortable, but he also has urges sometimes when you aren't available.

K - Kinks (again, pretty self-explanatory)

When you first started sleeping together, Levi had more of the control because he thought that was the way it was 'supposed' to be. However once you brought up the idea of him being submissive, your dynamic shifted. He was extremely hesitant at the beginning because he wasn't used to being in such a powerless position, though as soon as you managed to get him into a submissive headspace it became a regular occurrence.

Levi is a sub at heart who needs a soft dom more than anything. Some of the kinks you've explored that he likes are bondage, light impact play, praise, orgasm denial and marking (as long as the marks are hidden during the day.)

He also definitely has a bit of a humiliation kink but he's still working up the courage to tell you.

L - Location (favourite place to do the deed)

His favourite place is a tie between the shower and his desk. Sometimes when he's had a long day and doesn't want a full scene, he likes to have sex in the shower (also it makes clean-up easier). Although if he feels like subbing, as long as the door is locked, one of his favourite things is for you to cockwarm him while he's trying to work.

M - Motivation (what gets them going)

Showing skin is a sure-fire way to get him riled up. I personally headcanon Levi as demisexual, so he doesn't care when other people show skin, but if it's you? All you have to do is leave a couple buttons undone, expose your chest a little, and he is done for. Also, slipping casual praise into conversations will sometimes start pushing him into a submissive headspace, especially if you've done a lot of scenes with him recently because he starts responding to that tone of voice.

N - No (something they'd never do)

He doesn't like intense pain play - he's had enough pain the rest of his life so he needs you to be gentle with him. He also wouldn't want a harsh or strict dom, preferring to have you take care of him instead.

O - Oral (preference in giving, receiving etc.)

He enjoys both equally. Before you'd had sex you wanted to ease him into the experience carefully, so you gave him his first blowjob and he almost sobbed from the stimulation. Buuuuuuut alongside that he would also happily spend hours between yours legs - the praise you give him as he pleasures you and the feeling of you clenching around his tongue is almost enough to make him finish without any physical touch.

P - Pace (are they fast, slow, quick, rough?)

If it's just against the wall in the shower then it tends to be a bit faster, and on the odd occasion Levi feels more dominant he can get rougher, but he is usually perfectly content to let you decide the pace entirely.

Q - Quickie (opinion on quickies)

They're good sometimes, especially when you're both very busy with other duties. They're good to relieve basic urges, but Levi would never choose them over a full scene.

R - Risk (how open are they to risk?)

Levi is open to a bit of experimentation, but never anything exhibitionist. He can't risk the possibility of someone catching him in a compromising position, considering his importance in the military, so he insists that you keep all bedroom activities private.

S - Stamina (how long can they go for?)

As expected, at the start Levi had pretty low stamina since it was all so new and overwhelming. It gotten a little better since then but he also has a fairly quick recovery time to make up for it.

T - Toys (opinion on using toys etc.)

He doesn't particularly enjoy using toys on you, but adores when you use toys on him.

U - Unfair (how much do they like to tease?)

He'll only tease you a little when he's in a dominant mood and you've been doing something to piss him off, but the rest of the time it's not something he does at all. (He kind of likes when you tease him though.)

V - Volume (are they loud or quiet?)

Levi is cautious to control his volume so that other people don't hear, but his whimpers of pleasure can get quite loud sometimes.

W - Wild card (random headcanon)

During a scene once, while he was deep into subspace, he accidently called you mommy. When he realized what he said he was mortified, and almost started dropping. You had to quickly assure him that it was perfectly alright, that you weren't upset with him, and that you don't mind it if he wants to keep calling you that. He only uses that name for you when he's really, really submissive, and it's adorable hearing the tiny whimpers of "P-please mommy..."

X - X-ray (what's going on... down there?)

So many people seem to think that this man has a monster cock. He is 5'3 there is no way. He's a little smaller than average, in length and girth, but that just means you can hear him whine when you take his whole length into your mouth.

Y - Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

His sex drive is low most of the time. He has so many other things he has to focus on everyday, so sex doesn't cross his mind that much. Sex is more of a stress relief that he doesn't think too much about until it happens.

Z - Zzzzz... (how quickly do they fall asleep after?)

Being an insomniac, Levi takes a while to settle down to sleep, although it's always a little easier when he's comfortably next to you. (definitely the little spoon)

#attack on titan #attack on titan x reader #levi ackerman #levi x reader #levi ackerman x reader #aot x reader #sub levi #aot

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serpenteve · 3 years

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So I ship Darklina, but I actually...don't hate Mal? Sure, he was a dick sometimes (so is the Darkling, in different ways), but he was also like 17 or 18 right? And, to me, he'd changed by Ruin and Rising. He went through a lot of character growth. He's not my favorite character by any means. He's probably one of my least favorite, simply because of how boring he is, and I think him and Alina would have been better off as friends or siblings for a platonic familial type thing. But he's also a teenager. That doesn't give him an excuse for being a dick but I feel like from what I've seen from Darklina stans (and what I myself have done in the past) is we hold him to such a high standard but we excuse everything the Darkling does. Yes, he's the villain, but he's also a love interest, which means he does need to be somewhat held accountable. I love the Darkling, he's my boy, and he makes Mal look like a piece of cardboard in comparison, but if we're able to love a centuries old villain and forgive his mistakes, shouldn't Mal at least get some grace? Heroes are allowed to mess up, especially teenage ones. Hell, when I was 17 I was a wreck. It just feels weird to write off everything a centuries old man does but tear apart everything a teenager does, you know?

But I also understand the Mal hate and I don't expect people to love him (I don't even love him lmao). I just wanted to see if some Darklinas are more open towards Mal because I understand most Darklinas hate his guts (understandably so).

Sorry for the long ask. What are your thoughts on Mal?

I don't think all Darklinas hate Mal but a lot of people who hated a number of things in the books happen to be Darklinas. If you hate the book romance, then you're more likely to criticize other aspects of the storytelling like the plot and writing choices.

I definitely think people's perception of Mal hinges on whether they feel like he redeemed himself in Ruin & Rising and/or whether or not they were exposed to the fandom discourse and reactions surrounding the characters. For example, if you read the Grisha trilogy after seeing people endlessly simp for the Darkling and talk about Mal like he's the Worst Character Ever™️, then probably you will think book!Mal really isn't that bad and people excuse the Darkling's actions despite him like.........destroying an entire town for funsies and terrorizing Alina across the country 😂

The whole Mal vs Darkling debate originally arose out of audience expectations. Mal was presented as a heroic love interest while the Darkling was basically a false romantic lead turned villain who Alina kinda still had the hots for but had to heroically resist lest she become seduced to the dark side. The Darkling wants to control and exploit Alina and will stop at nothing to do so. Therefore, we expect Mal to embody the opposite of this: support Alina in doing what she wants and not treat her like a trophy he's entitled to. Instead, Bardugo---perhaps unintentionally---set the opposite in motion.

I actually really don't mind Mal in Shadow & Bone. Yeah, he was kind of an ass to Alina at parts, but he apologized and helped her get the stag and most of his faults can be overlooked as dumb teenage boy things. The problem arose in Siege & Storm when Mal grew entitled, possessive and emasculated because Alina had this power he did not and Alina had this great destiny that didn't revolve around him. Regardless of what Bardugo intended with this lover's quarrel, many readers interpreted this as Mal wanting Alina to be weak and dependent on him. And now, when readers look back at his more annoying traits in Shadow & Bone that initially didn't bother us that much, it holds more sinister implications. It wasn't that Mal and Alina were drifting apart, it was that Mal doesn't care about Alina until someone else cares about her and then he realizes "oh shit! my biggest fangirl that i took for granted has been taken away and has a life of her own??? unacceptable!!11". This combined with the Grisha being coded as any marginalized group and Mal's bigotry towards Alina and then her ending where she lost her powers so the author could pair her with Mal also left some.................IMPLICATIONS 👀

And listen, it would be one thing if I was the *only* reader who was whining about how Mal's character drives me up the wall......but like literally 3/4 of the fandom hated his ass because Bardugo accidentally made him toxic in a very *familiar* way that the Darkling's toxicity is not---at least for that part of the fandom. And this clash between reader expectations and what was actually on the page is what gave rise to a lot of Mal hate. You mentioned that readers hold Mal to a higher standard than the Darkling and that's true. But it's also because Mal is supposed to be a hero, not a villain. The expectations we had for the Darkling were literally on the floor after he decided to randomly massacre Novokribrisk. Whereas Mal being toxic in exactly the same way a chauvinistic garbage IRL man would be toxic was way too much for some readers and we just ended up shipping Alina with the Darkling out of pure spite. Especially when said villain is saying things like "I've seen what you truly are and I've never turned away? Can he stay the same?" or "He’s otkazat’sya. He can never hope to understand your power, and if he did, he’d only come to fear you."

ALSO, I'm a big believer that the reason the Darklina shippers grew in number is directly because the Darkling and Alina are never in a romantic relationship. The failed and wasted potential was indeed a huge draw, but the fact that we never got to see what their canon relationship would be like allowed us to fantasize about an ideal situation in which the Darkling comes to the error of his ways and learns to treat Alina as an equal. The quotes I mentioned above are up for interpretation. He says he will never turn away and that he would be able to understand Alina's power...........but he also proved that he isn't above using her as a weapon without regard for what she wants. Because we never get to see the Darkling and Alina in a real romantic relationship, we can now choose to interpret that line seriously in fanworks, regardless of whatever the hell Bardugo intended with it.

#viv answers #i could probably write an entire essay on this but i feel like ive rambled long enough lmao #anti mal

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ongreenergrasses · 2 years

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👿 🤷 🤢 (i bring salt opportunities)

MHMM SINDIRIMBA YOU SURE DO!! 💖✨💜 there is SO much salt in this response

👿 what trope do you hate/avoid at all costs?

BOY OH BOY!!!! an overall overarching one is, bc i am now an adult, i can’t stand high school aus, as they are about children and i don’t want to read that. i absolutely loved them when i was in high school, don’t any more.

a trope i hate that shows up a lot in specifically tog fic is the idea of the (gender neutral) “damsel in distress”. it happens all the time to Certain Characters and it drives me up a Goddamn WALL because in tog fandom it also takes on these racialized components where the white characters get babied and damselfied and the characters of color are in charge of helping them and taking care of them and “fixing” or “rescuing” the white characters and it sometimes just gets. Really weird. i am not being super coherent about this because i am very tired but you all know what i mean.

(also for the record, i have read SO MUCH fic and meta and incredible contributions that doesn’t fall into these traps and i think as a fandom we are really getting better about this. however this fandom is still profoundly racist at times and we also need to recognize that.)

🤷🏻‍♀️ what thing that your fandom loves do you just not get?

i’m gonna pivot here completely for a second and say that i do not like and do not get a common fandom portrayal of Quỳnh post iron maiden where she’s just completely filled with rage, hates everyone especially her family, and is consumed with getting revenge. i do recognize that we do not have a lot of screentime for Quỳnh, which also bums me out, but from what we see of her personality and additionally her qualities that were emphasized onscreen, i just do not see or understand how she could come out of that experience hating Andy and the other members of her family. i think that she’d hate humanity and institutions but to me it does not make sense at all for her to hate her family. they will obviously have a shitton of things to work through and i absolutely believe that Quỳnh would be furious with her family, but i absolutely don’t believe she’d hate them. i do not like that comics storyline and i won’t like it if they follow it in 2 old 2 guard either. (this is a personal preference and not an overarching problem btw just to make that clear)

in that vein i also don’t really like iron maiden aus. there is one by my beloved @anosrepasi called Lingua Franca that i highly, highly recommend, but that is the only one I have ever really read with complete enjoyment because it is amazing writing, very creative, and truly (i think) a category of its own.

the reason that i generally do not like these aus is that overall, iron maiden aus constantly fall into this trap where Andy is absolutely demonized for her reaction to the situation and the aus take on this tone of how the other characters would react so much “better” by “not giving up searching” and UGH that drives me into absolutely batshit pissed off territory. (also i will say that there are great fics that deal with this trope and i am aware of that, this again is personal preference)

🤢 who is your notp?

i actually don’t have a specific one. what i DO have is any time people use any of the fully fledged incredible characters we have as background music/props for an OTP the author finds better, that is a big no from me. notp is sidelining characters for a ship 😬😬 let’s not do that besties

edit: WAIT I THOUGHT OF ONE i don’t like booker/joe/nicky at ALL that is an actual notp.

reader asks

#WHEW!#ask and you shall receive #sindirimba #i am having a GREAT time with these holy shit keep them coming #the old guard

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animepopheart · 3 years

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Wonder Egg Priority, Episode 7: The Scars to Prove It (or, Love for the Moms, the Cutters, and the Drunks)

Wonder Egg Priority (WEP) has felt like the successor to Puella Magi Madoka Magica in many ways throughout its run, but in episode seven, it almost went full Madomagi by driving the stakes to their utmost height—to the death of one of the main characters. But as has been consistent with WEP, what it did instead, after some moments of true worry, is to instead deliver hope in the face of pain, resolve against overwhelming circumstances, and strength in weakness.

The series returns to Rika Kawai’s story in this episode, which starts with her turning 14. And on her 14th birthday, after leaving her hungover mother halfway asleep at the bar she works at and which they call home, Rika opens up to the rest of the girls, explaining that she doesn’t know her father (it could be any of five possibilities, or even more) and her mom won’t reveal any further information about him. As she trashes her mom, Neiru and Momoe are incredulous, which only drives Rika away from them. And though Ai goes to comfort her, Rika is in a terrible state of mind as she enters her next fight.

This was a difficult episode to watch. They’ve all been somewhat hard since the series never shies away from brutal and violent situations impacting young people, but I found myself squirming especially here as Rika’s cutting takes center stage. At one point, she decides to cut herself and it seems certain she will, before her turtle-like partner, Mannen, prevents it from happening.

Challenging, also, is how strained Rika’s relationship is with her mother, who’s life revolves around drink—alcohol both pays the bills and helps her forget how miserable her existence is. And in the midst of all the bad behavior in this episode—the usual Rika talk, her mom’s alcoholism and neglect, and the selfishness all around, one begins to feel deeply sorrowful for the Kawai women. Yes, Rika is often obnoxious, but her family life is in shambles, and she still exhibits goodness, including a curiously gentle relationship with Mannen. And Rika’s mother is a tragic figure, used by men and quite on the road to an early death, it would seem, unable to lift herself out of the gutter as she tries, in her own sloppy way, to protect and reach out to her daughter.

It’s in this hopelessness that Rika turns again to cutting, and then finds herself tempted by something even more dangerous. Her foe this time is a religious leader who led the egg, a follower who continues to believe in him, to commit suicide as a way of “connecting” with the universe (Heaven’s Gate, anyone?). Rika decries the ghoul as a charlatan, but is confronted with her own weakness when the egg shows her own scarred arm to Rika, revealing that she can tell that the latter cuts just like she did. And then she explains that Rika can be released from this pain.

The scars, evidence of what Rika does to cope with her pain, now become the weakness that they truly are, revealing how hopeless she feels, and how powerless she is against the mechanizations of her family life. And defeated, she’s about to allow herself to be killed when a surprising savior comes along—a turtle. Mannen attacks the spiritual leader, to Rika’s surprise as well, until she remembers that he has imprinted on her. Rika is Mannen’s mom, and as he did when he prevented her from cutting, Mannen is again protecting his mother.

The conclusion that Rika reaches is unusual but inspiring. She understands, in this moment, the need to protect one’s mom, finally admitting to herself in a de facto way that maybe her mother is in need of love, too. It’s funny to consider the need that mothers have for love since culturally and socially, they’re always seen as the providers of it. But of course, they need it in return, especially when they falter. My own mother is sick right now, and I think of the support I need to give her and the lack of that I’ve provided through the years.

Warning: Screenshot involving cutting after the jump.

My mother was a good one, however. Rika’s, on the other hand, has struggled with the charge, which reminds me of a story from one of my favorite books, The Ragamuffin Gospel, about another bad parent—a far worse one, in fact, and a real one. I’ll quote part of the passage from chapter seven:

“‘Our daughter Debbie wanted a pair of earth shoes for her Christmas present. On the afternoon of December 24, my husband drove her downtown, gave her sixty dollars, and told her to buy the best pair of shoes in the store. That is exactly what she did. When she climbed back into the pickup truck her father was driving, she kissed him on the cheek and told him he was the best daddy in the whole world. Max was preening himself like a peacock and decided to celebrate on the way home. He stopped at the Cork ‘n’ Bottle–that’s a tavern a few miles from our house and told Debbie he would be right out. It was a clear and extremely cold day, about twelve degrees above zero, so Max left the motor running and locked both doors from the outside so no one could get in. It was a little after three in the afternoon and…’

Silence.

‘Yes?’

The sound of heavy breathing crossed the recreation room. Her voice grew faint. She was crying. ‘My husband met some old Army buddies in the tavern. Swept up in euphoria over the reunion, he lost track of time, purpose, and everything else. He came out of the Cork ‘n’ Bottle at midnight . He was drunk. The motor had stopped running and the car windows were frozen shut. Debbie was badly frostbitten on both ears and on her fingers. When we got her to the hospital, the doctors had to operate. They amputated the thumb and forefinger on her right hand. She will be deaf for the rest of her life.'”

Max—a real person, mind you—was a successful, well-liked man, but his drinking problem led to an unconscionable decision and profound failure as a parent. And yet, this book is about grace, an idea which to humans feels unjust, but which has the power to change hearts and tear down walls, sometimes literally.

Could Max be given grace? Could Rika’s mother? If not directly, she’s done her own physical damage to her daughter in the form of those cutting scars (difficult and perhaps triggering images below). As mentioned earlier, the egg that she’s helping knows her pain and insists that letting go of everything, including life itself, is the way to peace. After all, to a young, suffering girl, what else could these scars mean?

But in the midst of giving up, in the moment that she actually capitulates (and this episode takes you 99% to the edge, both in the cutting scene and in the apparent death scene), Rika experiences something powerful. She experiences grace.

Have you ever been challenged to forgive someone when you don’t want to, when you feel completely in the right? Maybe it’s easy for you, but perhaps it isn’t. The girls surrounding Rika experience differing degrees of this with her sometimes maniacal and often hurtful behavior. Ai forgives easily. Momoe gets fired up and then equally seeks to make peace. And Neiru…well, Neiru holds onto “justice” more than love (setting up what I imagine will be the most powerful transformation in the series of all, in true Homura fashion). But in the moment that Rika is about to give her life, the girls yell out their love for her, even Neiru, and then more profoundly, without any hesitation, Mannen puts his own life on the line to stop the death from occurring. Rika has already given up, but this turtle hasn’t—not for his mother, whom he loves very much.

And experiencing that love from a different angle, Rika is changed just a bit. She begins to see her weakness as a “mother,” failing her turtle-child, and thinks of her own mom who is overwhelmed by hurt and a failure as well. And if just a little—for as the final scenes indicate, it is just a little—the path toward forgiveness begins.

But a little bit of grace is like a little bit of a flood—its power overwhelms, and it defeats the enemy, whether that means bitterness, a physical person (or manifestation of one), or the devil himself.

When Rika returns from the event, having killed the cult leader monster, it’s interesting to note that she isn’t a wholly different person. She’s changing little by little. And her scars remain. In fact, as she admits, she probably will cut herself again. But strangely enough, those scars now represent something different. They show someone trying—failing, yes, sometimes considerably and maybe very often—but trying, and only able to try because love was shown her, and through that, she is now able to show love as well.

You may have such scars in your life, physical or emotional, battered by the world and by people. I hope that you can develop relationships that help you heal as well, and that you’ll also remember that there are other scars which are meaningful to you, but which you cannot see on your person, scars that were borne out of a desire to heal you. Christ took the piercings, on his head, hands, feet, and side, so that while your heart and flesh may be cut, your soul need not be. And through his wounds, you may be healed.

The grace offered through Christ is one that, as he explains about everlasting water at the well to the Samaritan, for now and through eternity. The egg seeks peace forever by dying, but Jesus, unlike the cult leader, died for us so that we may not have to. He took the nails, the cross, and the spear so that we don’t have to inflict pain on ourselves and receive the punishment of our actions against him and others. He is our scar.

That’s grace. That’s the power that it has. And it can reach anyone—even a terrible dad, an alcoholic mom, a tempestuous child, and, and most significantly and personally—you.

If you’re suffering and in pain, maybe self-inflicted, we encourage you to explain such to a parent or trusted adult and ask for help. It’s a difficult first step, but one that will help you begin recovering. And we also advise that you turn to Christ for help—in prayer, community, and scripture. He provides people to us that will aid us in our times of need, as well as himself and the Holy Spirit if we are believers.

Additionally, there’s a scene in this episode where triumphant, Rika concludes that cutting is okay. That’s said in the context of her moving forward bit by bit and forgiving herself for her failures, even the upcoming ones. That’s an important lesson, though we must certainly be careful not to let it be a license to continue cutting with impunity.

Wonder Egg Priority can be streamed through Funimation. Read more of our articles by signing up for our weekly newsletter.

#wonder egg priority #rika kawai #wep #pmmm #Christianity #tw cutting #blog

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utilitycaster · 3 years

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Actual Play: How it works

This is a collection of how I think of actual play as a medium, because TTRPG actual play is a unique one - a combination of improvisation, a rule set, and randomizing elements. This isn’t fully comprehensive, and I may add to it in the future as I come up with more ideas. I’m also thinking of providing some examples/more in-depth stuff for the items in separate posts, so please let me know if that’s something you would want.

Most of the observations here heavily skew towards D&D and Pathfinder actual play, as they are what I know best. Other systems I’ve listened to (PbtA, Cortex, Savage Worlds) fit in here as well, but this may not apply to all actual play, particularly GM-less games or games that are primarily played as one-shots.

Finally, and I say this only because it is a recurring problem on the social media that I happen to find incredibly irritating: you are also welcome and encouraged to have other opinions, disagree with me, dislike all of this, etc. If you have things to say, my inbox is the best place; this is too long for multiple reblogs and this is a sideblog so replies are tricky. However, if you are the kind of person who is inclined to say things like “Actually, there was an exception to this rule! It’s in the backmasked audio at 06:59:32 in the outtakes of episode 192c of Dungeons and Discotheques! :)” I would like to provide you with this actual play line quote from Adaine Abernant in Fantasy High: I think that you feel like you have a lot to offer, and please take this the right way... you don't.

Onto the thoughts, below the jump!

On narrative devices and rules and the random element:

Foreshadowing is possible, but limited to specific circumstances. A GM can (and should) foreshadow! The point of foreshadowing is to set expectations, and GMs should have hints that indicate things about the world that the party may encounter later, provide potential plot hooks, or otherwise provide the party with information. Similarly, players can do things that nod towards as of yet unrevealed elements of their backstories. However, it is impossible to deliberately foreshadow plot resolutions, because it is unknown what they will be. That doesn’t mean that in retrospect things may happen that echo back to earlier events, but the intent to foreshadow was not there - it’s a happy accident.

I don’t want to say normal narrative rules don’t apply because what are the normal narrative rules, really? However, I think an important thing to emphasize is that narrative satisfaction is not guaranteed. This is especially true if the cast has agreed character death is an option, but even beyond that, an unlucky or lucky roll can seemingly cut an arc short or take things in a weird and unforeseen direction. Because there is an element of randomness, randomness will occur. This, along with the character agency I discuss later, is one of my favorite things about actual play. It strips out the need for a moral or message or specific beats - not that those can’t arise, but they can’t be forced - and as such it can make for unusual, creative, and very true-to-life stories even in a fantasy setting.

On character role, viewpoint and agency:

Actual play stories have an ensemble of viewpoint characters (the PCs). This is perhaps the clearest restriction that exists, at least in all of the game systems I’ve mentioned. There is no good way to depict NPCs acting on their own unless the PCs have a way to observe them, unseen (magical or mundane). It is extremely difficult to have one player play multiple PCs, and if a player leaves there is not a good way to recast their PC. This doesn’t mean NPCs can’t do things with each other offscreen that have implications for the story, nor that PCs can’t come and go or become NPCs, but it does mean a good GM is very careful about NPC interactions because it gets very boring and non-collaborative very quickly to watch someone talk with themselves.

The PCs hold a level of agency that characters in other media do not. Statements about how the characters have a mind of their own in original fiction aside (sidebar: I am team ‘they don’t, you just didn’t realize that the way you wrote their personality and the way you wrote your plot conflicted until you actually started writing it out, which is very understandable’) PCs do in fact have a mind of their own separate from the GM and from each other.

Something I like about this is that unless you are coming up with conspiracy theories regarding the interpersonal dynamics of the players themselves (in which case I think you’re both a creep and a weirdo (derogatory)) or if the GM is not respecting player agency (which I feel is usually very easy to see; see below for more on that) you do not get cases of “these characters are together simply because the author felt like pairing them off” as can happen in scripted media. Any romantic relationship is, inherently, a mutually agreed choice between the originators of these characters, and more generally any plot or relationship necessarily needs to have something that appeals to all characters involved. It may be as simple as “these are my friends and I want to keep hanging out”, but, despite this being improv, it’s a medium where saying “no” is always an option.

With that said there is still room for players to be uncooperative or selfish. It’s rare, but it does exist, and I’m personally of the opinion that it’s in part the GM’s responsibility to have a conversation with that player and to not play into their attention grabbing. That said, with one notable exception, all the accusations I’ve seen about this have seemed to me to be more “I don’t like this player/character/ship/arc and I am going to claim they are stealing focus, despite it being justified,” and not genuinely about a player being obnoxious.

Agency separate from the person who creates the world is perhaps the most unique element of actual play and at this point I’m going to talk a little about how a good GM fosters that.

I’ve said before that when a GM has things happen that are not at least mostly a direct response to character actions, they are typically either world-building or a hook, and can be both. I think of this sort of as a variant on Chekhov’s gun, actually; the gun doesn’t have to go off, ultimately, in actual play, but it is saying the following:

This is a world where there are guns hung on the wall sometimes.

Someone else might do something with this gun.

You can attempt to do something with this gun before they do.

And then the players decide how they want to interpret it and what they want to do, and the dice indicate the level of success in doing so.

A good GM should encourage the players to explore and be creative, and more than anything, reward agency. This doesn’t mean rewarding it with success; rather, it means if someone explicitly indicates they want to interact with an element of the world, you should give them the tools such that eventually, they can try to do so. You can also give them reasons in-game why they should change their mind, or make it so that it’s almost certain to fail if that is reasonable, but if you are trying to flat-out shut it down without providing an in-world reason why, the cracks will almost certainly show.

One important thing to remember about GM-ing: GMs will probably come into the game with some ideas of what’s going on in the world, and some level of understanding of what the world looks like. That will be influenced by the players, both in terms of the consequences of their actions and choices, and also by what the players are interested in. Which is to say: even if there is a session zero, and the GM states a specific premise, that can change! Characters develop, player interests change, dice rolls do weird things, and so a good GM absolutely must if not kill their darlings at least remove, recycle, and adapt them based on the direction of the game and motivations of the characters. Even in a plot-driven campaign, the players and GM and what makes them happy needs to drive the story, because fundamentally, this is a game that should be fun. Which brings us to...

On the Watsonian and the Doylist in actual play:

Stepping back for a second: the context in which people are creating fiction influences them. End of sentence. It’s ridiculous to think it doesn’t. This means everything from political events and worldwide trends, to the media the creator is consuming or has consumed, to personal life events. There are always going to be in- and out-of-universe explanations for choices in fiction.

In actual play, the players and GM know the underlying rules of the world, and it’s difficult to truly split the party and have everyone not involved leave in a way that feels fun, so everyone always has information that they can’t really use in-game. Also it’s a fully improvised medium that is primarily theater of the mind, so unconscious choices, misunderstandings, and accidents are frequently not edited out, and people are human. Which is to say I think it’s important to take this into consideration in one’s analysis; it’s not that you can’t incorporate a Watsonian reason for something that happened, but Doylist reasons are given a weight that they may not have in an edited work.

Three of the Doylist reasons beyond the misunderstandings and accidents I wanted to cover are metagaming, awareness that this is for an audience, and character knowledge.

Metagaming exists in many TTRPGs, and it’s not actually inherently bad. When a DM in D&D says “that just hits” you get an idea of the AC of the creature, and you know your own attack rolls, and you can make decisions based on that, when, in a ‘real’ fantasy battle scenario, you probably wouldn’t gain all that insight from a single hit. The rules of the TTRPG are considered part of normal acceptable metagaming. There’s also the more general one; if you start the first session in a tavern, there is an unspoken expectation that the PCs will interact and form an impromptu group and not just quietly drink their ale and leave - basically, the rules of improv still apply. This is a good thing. And finally, there’s the acknowledgement that you are people with feelings and this is a game and so if someone is upset you stop, or you have discussions about consent between sessions that inform actions in-game. Metagaming just gets obnoxious when someone rolls a nat 1 and then argues that this is obvious information and they should know, or looks up every monster in the manual when you encounter it instead of playing true to the character’s knowledge.

In actual play, the ‘hey fellow tavern-goers, would you like to be a group’ form of metagaming, the “oh right this is a story and we should move the story forward,” is even more important than in home D&D games. This is where I recommend listening or reading some Q&As or watching some after shows, because you’ll hear players talk about this. A 5-hour shopping episode or extensive foraging can get boring to watch or listen to (and unlike accidentally boring or frustrating things, are pretty easy to predict and avoid). On the flip side, a risky choice might seem more appealing when you know there’s an audience who would love the payoff.

I am personally, perhaps unsurprisingly given what I said about player dynamic conspiracy theories and randomness (or, outside of this post, my strong dislike of certain popular fan theories), not a big fan of creators catering to audiences’ every whim...but it’s unavoidable that they will take the audience experience in mind.

Finally, character knowledge, which is the opposite of metagaming - when a character knows something the player doesn’t. This is sometimes covered with, for example, GM statements like “you would know, as a person with history proficiency, that this country is actually in a regency period.” If the character had, in improv, before the GM had a chance to say that, mentioned the king, that’s just because the player did not know that and had made an assumption.

Personally I find going deep down the rabbit hole with things like this - “why doesn’t this character, who CLAIMS to be from this country, not know this?”, or clearly OOC statements - tends not to actually spark any interesting theories, but that is, ultimately, an opinion.

A few final thoughts on different formats of actual play

True livestream/live-to-tape (Critical Role, Into the Motherlands, and the second season of Fantasy High): the main thing to keep in mind is Doylist explanations are even more important because there is quite literally no editing. Also, there will possibly be some of those more boring stretches or even a little OOC metagaming discussions within the structure of the game, because there’s no way around it.

Editing, but primarily just to remove long explanations/math and doing soundscaping (NADDPod, Rusty Quill Gaming): Pretty similar; a lot of them even make the choice to leave in OOC metagaming discussions, so it’s mostly that there are fewer cases of people slowly adding numbers.

More extensive editing and possibly some predefined other elements (TAZ, most Dimension 20 shows): this may fall into a more traditional story structure. It’s not to say that there won’t be surprises, because the players do still have agency, but the ‘rails’ might be a little more apparent; there might be some DM monologuing done after the fact (beyond just cleaning up the audio) or choices that were not scripted per se, but not exactly improvised either (think how D20 tends to have pre-set battle maps and earlier seasons had a pretty strict RP/Battle structure.

Somewhat relatedly there are broad story structures, which is more of a spectrum, ranging from sandbox (Critical Role) to very clearly GM-driven missions (TAZ Balance and, to an extent, Amnesty); nearly all of the other shows here fall into a structure of “here is your overall goal, how precisely you get there is up to you although, like any GM, I will provide in-story information on where it may make sense to go that will often funnel you towards specific places.”

I do have a theory that since TAZ Balance in particular was an entry point for so many people, it takes them time to adjust to the more sprawling, unpredictable, and difficult-to-organize stories other actual play can have, but ultimately it is a matter of personal preference and all of these still fall into the category of actual play.

#long post #today in: unsure if anyone wants to read this but that has also never stopped me not even once #and writing this was fun

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dc-said-bi-robin-rights · 3 years

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Tips for people writing Damian angst:

-Have Damian’s hand linger near his utility belt (if in Robin costume, as he can reach for a batarang)/a hidden knife (if not in Robin costume) when taken off guard. Makes reader reflect on the fact that a child’s instinctual response to being taken on the back foot is to keep his hand near a weapon.

-Make Damian’s instinctual response to situations where he is not fully lucid to get himself on his feet and armed. Don’t make him be like other people, his instinctual reaction will never be to call out for Bruce to save him while on the floor. Drive in that no matter how much time passes he will never lose the instinct to be combat-ready when faced with a situation he does not understand.

-Make Damian unconsciously seek out a seat with its back to a wall. I grew up in a household with no sense of privacy so I developed this instinct so people couldn’t peer over my shoulder at whatever I was doing without me knowing. In an environment like the League of Assassins, this is a very realistic habit to develop, though for very different reasons to mine.

-Make Damian subtly uncomfortable when sitting still while surrounded on all sides by strangers. Especially if unarmed. If he can’t keep everyone within view, have him fidget and shift around on his chair. Maybe bounce his leg.

-If you want any part of your fic to be set inside the League, or if you want occasional flashbacks, temper yourself. Be careful about how you present his life in the League. Many fic writers have Ra’s doing things like whipping him for minor infractions to try to drive in angst. You can do this if you want, but I’d advise against it.

Abuse isn’t like that. Abusers aren’t bad all the time, and that’s the problem. If they were, I’d be easier to hate them.

Don’t make Ra’s cartoonishly evil. Make him warm, from time to time. Make him pat Damian on the shoulder after he accomplishes a task, make him smile and praise him after he defeats an enemy. Make Ra’s call him grandson, make Damian love him. Make Damian desperate for his praise. Maybe make him comfort Damian when he’s crying..but don’t make him stop ordering the things Damian is crying about. Make Ra’s comforting be “I’m sorry this is necessary” rather than “I’m sorry”. He’s not sorry, he’s sorry that these regimes are “necessary”. Make it toxic. Make Damian be genuinely comforted by Ra’s words and truly believe his training is necessary. Make Damian take a fucked up pride about being trained so harshly. This is important. MAKE DAMIAN PROUD OF BEING ABUSED. Make him believe it means he’s special. Make it fucked up. As for Ra’s, make it so that Ra’s genuinely believes that he is being kind. Make it so that Ra’s pats himself on the back about this.

Believe me, nothing will make your readers want to scream at the screen more than this.

Make Ra’s good moods good and his bad moods terrible. Don’t make him be cartoonishly evil. As I said before, put scenes with Ra’s being kind.

And then contrast that with horrible training regimes. Make it seem normal. Sneak it in there, almost, so that readers have to stop and say “wait, what the fuck” at something so horrible being kept so on the down-low. Don’t make it a big deal if you’re writing from Damian’s perspective, because Damian doesn’t think it’s a big deal. Make Damian’s POV mention statements like “when he was sent to kill that leopard..” or “climbing the peaks near Nanda Parbat taught him that...”. Give the reader whiplash by mentioning these events as background for both positive and negative things.

Also, drive in Damian’s helplessness. For example, make him think about how one of his tutors had sneaked him this specific candy and have him ruefully recall about how he would have liked to “keep that one”. Make the implication clear with what happened to the tutor, but don’t have Damian think on it too much. He’s used to it. Drive in how he shouldn’t be used to these things but he IS and nothing will ever change that.

-Don’t have it be resolved with a hug and an “I love you”. That’s not how trauma works. Trauma can’t just “go away”. It will never just go away. Have him reassured by affirmations of love and care, obviously, but don’t go with the mindset it can erase the past. That’s deleting Damian and replacing him with another version. Damian can get past his trauma but he can never erase it. Scars don’t fade.

-Get rid of the “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger” mindset. Trauma does not make you stronger, it makes you harder, it gives you edges. Getting OVER your trauma makes you stronger, and that’s something YOU did, not the trauma. Be extremely careful you don’t imply Damian’s abuse was a good thing unless it’s phrased as something Damian believes but is wrong about.

-Don’t have Damian not cry. Instead, have Damian’s crying be completely silent. Make it traceless. For added angst, make it so his family have absolutely no idea he’s crying. Let them pass his room with their happy thoughts, have Dick pause on the doorway and contemplate if Damian would be up to playing in the yard.

-Let Damian be weak sometimes. Let there be moments where all the walls fall and Damian breaks down. Like the time he met Goliath, for example. Let Damian be unable to process something. Let him curl up into himself when there’s no one there to judge him for it.

-Let Damian’s perceptions of reality be incorrect. Let them not line up with what is actually happening. Let his experiences color his view like colored lenses. Maybe have a chapter from another character’s point of view that is more tense and hostile in Damian’s POV. Have the same situation be seen differently by another character. For example, have Dick’s recollection of an event and Damian’s recollection of an event be vastly different.

#damian wayne #batfam #robin #batfamily #batman #batman family #batman fandom #red robin #damian wayne robin #robin damian wayne #writing tips

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heretherebedork · 3 years

Photo

Why Can is Autistic, the full rewatch turned into a vaguely organized powerpoint. Please enjoy!

All of the text is also going RIGHT below this, for those who would prefer Walls Of Text

In which I will be rewatching the entire series in one day and putting together all the reasons I headcanon him as autistic, how it affects his relationships, and why I consider it to be one of the most important aspects of his romance with Tin. I just really wanted to try to do a deeper dive on this, okay? Because I find it fascinating and fantastic. Do I think it was deliberate on the part of the writers? Nope. Not in the slightest. I think they genuinely were just writing a 'stupid' character. Did the somehow turn into a fantastic autistic character? Yes. I am as shocked as you! Also, yes, I can easily watch a 13 episode show in one day. Heck, I'll probably watch this AND something else today. Hyperfixations, wheeee.

Autism/ADHD Symptoms and Can

RSD: the reaction to the soccer game, his focus on being 'stupid' and 'ugly' Perserveration: repeats the same statement, especially about emotions. No sense of time: constantly running late Struggles with emotions: especially of others, doesn't 'read the room', often asks for things to be spelled out for him Stimming: Messing his own hair up, shakes his whole body regularly, makes sounds that don't always connect to what he's doing/saying Expresses his emotions with his whole body: often moves or shifts or stands/sits when feeling strongly

Lacks a sense of social norms: Admitting he forgets to shower/brush his teeth, rubbing himself all over Tin and his car Externalizes his internal dialog: always speaks his thoughts and doesn't know when it's appropriate/inappropriate Lacks a sense of personal space Easily frustrated and frustrated that he gets gets easily frustrated Lack of executive function: rarely remembers to eat, regularly forgets important dates/times Black/white thinking: filial piety, love causes pain The worst liar ever, no literally

Struggles to label his own emotions: often admits he doesn't know what he's feeling or doesn't know why he's feeling that way This actually drives a lot of his character and his relationship, especially in later parts. Literal thinker: takes everything at face value and assumes that people are telling the truth, also very direct and straightforward Sensory: hates sunscreen in the last episode and has mixed reactions to being touched Also, the way he squeezes his own arms reminds me of deep pressure that we literally use to help kids with sensory issues Often doesn't recognize his bodily needs until they're at extremes Responds to strong emotions through obsessive actions: practicing for soccer when he's upset about Tin

I Don't Understand/Know

Can uses this phrase all the time. He uses it with feelings, situations, when he's struggling and sometimes just because. It's so important. Please let more characters just not know. This is also huge in his autism/ADHD. It's such a common feeling. He expresses it so openly and so beautifully. It's why many people consider him stupid. They're all wrong. Screw them.

Can and his friends

This is the biggest change from LBC because we lost Good, his closest friend. And that changes all his dynamics with his other friends as well as changing the nature of his friendships. In LBC2, most of his friends are jerks. They make fun of him, ignore him, call him stupid and ugly and generally don't show a lot of caring. PSA: Job is the worst. Honestly, his lack of friends really shows in this version. Most scenes with them involve them mocking him, ignoring him or rejecting him. This does not apply to Ae. Ae is good. He does his best. “Him not understanding it, doesn't mean he doesn't feel it.”

Can and Tin's Love and Autism

I truly think that their relationship would never have progressed if Can hadn't been autistic. They start talking because of Can's clumsiness and inability to let go on an issue. Can's difficulties with emotions forces Tin to be more upfront about his own as well as be more observant about Can's emotions. Can doesn't care about most social norms, doesn't have any real understanding about social class and status and all of that makes it easier for Tin and his relationship in the end. Can's constant honesty and trust is a game changer for Tin in terms of relationships both within his family and with others.

In Conclusion

Can is a surprisingly good and accurate case of an adult autistic character. I still don't think they did all of this on purpose. All credit goes to the actor (Plan) for his fantastic portrayal and interpretation.

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leejeongz · 3 years

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nsfw a-z YOSHI (treasure)

🔅 for @ateezwhorez i hope you enjoy this honey 🥺❤️ dw the others should be written soon tooooo 🔅

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

he just feels cuddly and swoony. he’s in love with you, even more so than before even though he didn’t think that was possible. he loves to cuddle with you, just until you catch your breath again at least. he’s still still high from the whole experience, it’s the perfect time to be open and show your vulnerability even more. it’s less about the physical things he does for you, more about how you two deepen your relationship even further. he uses this time to have deep chats that slowly fade into more light hearted conversations before drifting off to sleep.

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

his eyes are his favourite thing about him i think. he likes how you can understand what he wants just from looking into them. they’re intense and needy, oppressive even. they’re infatuating. they’re his secret weapon to make you obey him without even realising what you’re doing.

on you, he likes your lips. he likes how they feel on his own lips, on his neck, around his dick, anywhere and everywhere. he also just thinks they look pretty and are the perfect colour naturally, actually something he noticed about you first which he found really attractive.

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

doesn’t like to make a mess at first… might even cum in a tissue the first few times because he thinks it’s more respectful.

but when he’s comfortable and such, he’d love to cum all over your hands after you finished him off with a handjob, he thinks it looks really hot and it’s enough to get him horny again hehe.

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

he often imagines how you'd look tied up in front of him. at his disposal. his fantasies are actually super kinky but he very rarely tells you them. he’d probably never tie you up to the extent that he dreams of doing because he doesn’t want to hurt you and he thinks of you as quite fragile 🥺

i wanna do another because my wild card was kinda short this time but he would l o v e to do a life drawing of you. like this isn’t even sexual but i don’t wanna get attacked if i write this on something that is fluff lol. it would be something that he’d treasure and something that he would be so proud of. to make it dirty since it’s a dirty secret 👀 he had a few intrusive thoughts while he drew you and found it super hard to stay hyperfocused on the drawing. if you tried to flirt with him while modelling, he’d just tell you to save it for later and that’s when he’d unleash the beast lol.

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

1 sexual partner with whom he was in a relationship with. he doesn’t think about it much and when he’s with you, he’s very much focused on you. one look at you and he’s forgotten about them already.

he knows what he’s doing for the most part, but sometimes he just wants to learn new things with you, together.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

he likes facing you: missionary and cowgirl, depending on what feels natural at the time. he likes bringing his face close to yours and hovering his lips over yours, occasionally touching with every thrust. enough to feel the other’s breath, but not enough to actually kiss.

once the pace has slowed a little, he’ll give you the kiss he’s been teasing you with for what feels like hours just so that you’ll appreciate it and enjoy it all the more.

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

he’s quite serious in the moment. he wants to make sure that you’re enjoying yourself and that he’s doing the absolute most to exceed any expectations each and every time.

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

he naturally doesn’t have much hair down there. he trims what he has and keeps it tidy since he feels it’s more intimate.

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

most of the time, he’s extremely romantic during sex. he’s very into slow and sensual sex that allows you two to bond physically and emotionally. it’s important to him that he understands your wants and needs as his partner and vice versa, making the whole experience super romantic.

but that’s not all the time. sometimes he just wants to rip off your clothes and have his way with you and that’s ✨totally fine✨

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

i feel like he’s a typical laptop on desk, tissues besides him type of guy. he doesn’t do it too often, but when he does he has to fully commit because there is absolutely no way he’s stopping for anything/anyone that isn’t you.

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

he’s not that kinky, he’s a vanilla man. i’ll just list some sexual things that he likes hehe

whispering- he likes when you whisper close to his ear and he likes doing it to you. the tingling down his neck is intoxicating, he can’t help but want to feel it again and again. what you say is important too. he likes receiving praise. saying things like “you make me so wet” or “you turn me on so much” makes him so happy, it’s a great way to drive him crazy.

ropes- not to an extreme level, just one rope to tie your hands together behind you or in front of you.

eye contact- he likes that his eyes intimidate you of course, but you pushing past that and maintaining eye contact makes him feel a rush to MAKE you feel intimidated. he wants you to feel like he’s in charge (even if he’s not) and if he can’t do that with his eyes, then it’s pretty much over for him, but he likes that fact that you stood up to him and it turns him tf on.

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

he likes sex in bed or on the floor. anywhere that he or you can lie comfortably. he likes fucking you in hotel beds. although it’s not really that dirty, it is for you two.

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

gentle strokes- he likes when you trace his jawline or collarbones with your fingers, especially when you have long nails. he almost always returns the favour. he likes gently dragging his finger up and down your thigh before and between rubbing your pussy.

directness- tell him you’re turned on. tell him why you’re turned on. tell him how he turned you on. tell him how you feel and why you think he should feel the same way to. by the end of your talk, he’s gurenteed to feel the same way.

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

angry sex/sex during an argument.

he wants to settle things properly first. sex isn’t a solution nor is it forgiveness. the only way he can truly be intimate with you is when you’re both happy and when you’re both on the same page. “angry” sex like that is meaningless to him, the argument mustn’t have been important if you can just forget about it so why can’t you just talk it through?

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

he’s naturally a giver and oral (sex in general) is no exception. he wants you to be able to allow yourself to receive instead of forcing it upon you if you’re not used to it. he introduces his tongue slowly and always asks if what he’s doing is okay. even if you are used to it, he’s always gonna build up to it. he likes when you take the lead even when he’s eating you out, he likes when you’re giving him directions or your hands are in his hair, controlling him, because then he knows that what he’s doing is right.

not too fussed about receiving head. of course he would never say no, but he’s not one to ask for one just to finish without pleasuring you. he’s eyes are closed during the whole thing and and he lets out small, quiet cusses which he knows turn you on. also says nice stuff to you (when he can get the words out) while you’re sucking his dick because 🥺 he is nice.

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

as i mentioned before, he’s slow and sensual. he keeps the experience extremely romantic and memorable. it leaves you wanting more and he knows.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

not his style. at all. he likes to draw out the details, take his time with you, ensure you've both been treated and pleasured sufficiently.

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

he’d only experiment with things that you’d tried before or things you’ve researched. he doesn’t wanna try anything new to the pair of you especially early on because he doesn’t wanna hurt you or leave a bad impression or anything like that. he’d never spring anything on you that you hadn’t discusssed either.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

2-3 rounds, but it totally depends on you. how much you want, how much you turn him on after, how tired you are etc.

he usually lasts for around 20 mins but needs like a 10 second breather sometimes

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

i don’t see him owning any toys but i don’t think he’d be opposed to using them. if you wanted to use them, great fantastic he’d get straight to it. he would definitely like to try them for himself at least once too.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

he doesn’t tease you much, because he’d rather just do it? but i guess if you’d consider extended foreplay to the point where you have to beg him to fuck you as teasing then he’s the master lol. oH and also doesn’t just kiss you during sex, he definitely teases with those.

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

tries to hold his moans and cusses back but fails lol. they’re quiet and soft but you can still hear them. he gets kind of shy about them after sex too and he doesn’t really like it when you bring it up.

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

“take it off” he orders, looking directly at your chest. you remove your tshirt on command and throw it to the ground. he walks towards you, backing you into the wall behind you. it was a harsh and sudden coldness on your back, but there was something even colder in front of you. his eyes glared at you, which subconsciously made you remove your bra.

“so fucking beautiful” he growled while taking one of your breasts in his hand. it wasn’t long before he started with his tongue. he circled your nipple with his tongue while he played with the other one in his hand. your head automatically fell back, luckily resting on the wall. he slowly began to flick your nipple with his tongue before gently kissing it and moving to the other one.

your hand found its way to his hair, grabbing it and pulling it a little. you occasionally let out small gasps, which almost always made him look up at you and smile.

after a few minutes, he stood up once again, head buried in your neck as he whispered what he wanted you to do for him next.

“please, make me cum. you've turned me on so much tonight.”

that’s when it all started making sense. you’d been bowling that night with friends. this involved a lot of bending over, a lot of casual skin touches when neither of you were bowling and a LOT of whispering closely in his ear since the music was so loud. you knew he liked it when you whispered, but you didn’t know even in that context that it would send shivers down your spine. you stored that info, maybe you’d use that against him one day after he’d been teasing you.

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

i think average, with just a little under average thickness. i’m not sure if you can ever call a dick pretty but i feel with yoshi it would be justified, especially when it’s hard.

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

i’m pretty sure it varies depending on your type of relationship. if you are a romantic partner, 3-4 times a week. if it’s just a fling, once maybe twice a week at most. he has a naturally high sex drive, but he’s less likely to take his time with someone he has no feelings for meaning he doesn’t really crave sex as often as he would with someone he’s romantically involved with.

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

as i mentioned above, yoshi wants to talk to you and connect with you even further after sex. he falls asleep when he’s ready to fall asleep, which is after he’s learnt something about you that makes his heart flutter, that he can tease you about later on.

#yoshi #yoshi smut #yoshi imagine #treasure #treasure smut #treasure imagines #smut

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tinkchick555 · 3 years

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@groovygirlie Sorry I’m going to post this way because I got a bit carried away and so it won’t fit the responses BUT (spoilers if you haven’t read Dracula but I’ve got so many instances I love!)

Gosh there’s so much I love about Dracula! I love the characters, but especially Mina, Jonathan, and Quincey! They’re such good people thrown into a terrible situation. Mina is compassionate and smart and devoted and kind. And I love that Mina’s kindness makes those around her better and braver people simply because of how she treats them. Jonathan is willing to die trying to escape, but he still tries to stop Dracula. His devotion to his wife is beautiful. They really are such a cute couple. (The idea that comes up in lots of adaptations with Mina being a reincarnation or interested in Dracula drives me up the wall because the characters are so clearly adoring to one another. She wouldn’t be interested in Dracula she has Jonathan.) Quincey is one of my favorite characters of all time. I love that he plays up his cowboyness for fun (while at heart being a true cowboy) but when serious things happen he’s very no nonsense. He’s not just willing to put his life on the line for the girl he loves, but for those around him who are kind and good and become his friends.

And we get this spookyy, suspenseful, and sometimes sad/tragic look at all these people. We feel Mina’s anxiety over Jonathan being gone. We feel sorry for all these men trying to desperately so save Lucy and rejoice with the characters when they succeed with Mina. But because it’s done mostly as journals, we also get little random thoughts they think or things they like.

To me the moral of the story is, to quote Mina, “the world seems full of good men, even if there are monsters in it.” We see truly horrific and sometimes gruesome things happen in the story and we also see people doing cruel and bad things, and yet the kindness and human ties are so strong.

Mina gives Quincey someone to cry to. Quincey immediately becomes someone willing to do anything for Mina.

Jonathan goes through a horrific trial to the point he tries to force himself to forget but trusts and loves Mina enough to let her make the decision about whether he should be told about his adventures again. And when he realizes it’s real, even though it almost killed him and almost made him lose his sanity, he puts himself at risk again to stop Dracula from harming others.

Van Helsing puts his own life on the line simply because he’s friends with Dr Seward and wants to genuinely protect even random strangers.

Arthur is willing to do something he knows will hurt him because he thinks it will (and does) save the immortal soul of the woman he loved.

Mina is willing to pity Dracula who is a monster and does a terrible thing to her because she realizes she would want to be treated with sympathy if her fate were like his.

Jonathan is willing to do literally anything to stay with or protect his wife. He refuses to let her suffer alone. (They really are a “for better or worse. In sickness and in health” type of couple.)

And we see such wonderful friendship! Lucy and Mina are so happy together and never jealous and wish each other all the best. Mina is protective over Lucy and always there to listen to her. Seward and Quincey hold no hard feelings toward Arthur when they all fall in love with the same girl and he gets chosen. None of the guys get angry at Lucy for not loving them. Quincey and Mina are such a cute friendship as well.

And we see this kindness in the random strangers all throughout the beginning who keep trying to stop Jonathan from going to Dracula’s castle or giving him crucifixes or praying for him. They don’t have to and they know that Dracula is an actual threat and could hurt them and they still try to warn him to stay away.

So this is a long winded way for me to say that to me, even with its flaws, it’s a book I absolutely adore.

#Dracula #Books #About Me

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birlcholtz · 3 years

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Fic Questions

tagged by @the-lincyclopedia thank you!! (fun game: watch my writing get progressively less formal as the post continues. by the end it’s like what is capitalization)

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

77!

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

434,378 as of this week but it does go up quite regularly

3. How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

Okay so in terms of what’s on my AO3, I have Check Please, All For the Game, Sharp Zero, HP, and Miraculous Ladybug. I also have The Forbidden LOTR and PJO Fanfiction (as in, I’ve written it, but it’s never seeing the light of day)

(technically there is a PJO fic out there that has seen the light of day but I orphaned it because I was tired of getting comments asking about when it would be updated)

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

and then i met you (and the whole world changed)

for the better

Knew It Was You

come home (to you, to us)

sin bin schematics

All of these are Check Please and all of them except Knew It Was You are part of my Zimbits Airport AU!

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I do! It’s actually a very recent thing that I’ve started not responding to literally every single comment. Mainly I respond because I love talking about my writing so I am going to seize that opportunity when it comes up

6. What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

Oh, DEFINITELY Happy Birthday (HP). Check out that MCD tag ahah. (I say HP but what I really mean is that I write fic about Regulus Black. The Regulus Black-centric tag is my home in the HP fandom)

fun fact: this is a very short fic that I wrote when I was 15 and basically forgot about until recently, and then I reread it recently and went holy shit?? I pulled NO punches????

7. Do you write crossovers? If so, what is the wildest one you’ve written?

Not a ton? I think a lot of the fandoms I write for don’t really mesh that well. That being said, the aforementioned orphaned PJO fic is actually a PJO/ML crossover, so there’s that

8. Have you ever received hate on a fic?

Nope! Sometimes I get comments that are just.... really confusing? And a more common thing is that in my AFTG fic I’ll get comments from people who are so focused on Andreil (or the most common ships in general) to the point that like. they miss the point of what I actually wrote. Those are annoying but they’re not hate, they’re very enthusiastic, they’re just... enthusiastic about a story I’m not writing? So it’s a bit frustrating.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

No sjflskgjhgf I struggle enough to write kissing, I think if I ever tried to write smut my brain would just shut down. I’ve managed some fade-to-blacks (which are mostly in WIPs that haven’t been posted) but they rely HEAVILY on the powers of implication

10. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I know of!

11. Have you ever had a fic translated?

No, although I have occasionally made a brief go of it, not to post, more as an exercise for myself in a language that I’m learning. Anyway I never finish them so I’m gonna say no

12. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Not really? I’ve definitely group brainstormed fics and then written them (the best example of this being Q&A (AFTG), which was the product of a truly off-the-walls group chat), but I tend to do all the actual writing myself. I think the way I write would drive a co-writer up the wall since it’s very disorganized and I don’t write stuff down because ~I know what’s gonna happen I don’t need notes~ and it would infuriate me if I was co-writing with me lmao, so I won’t inflict that on someone else

13. What’s your all-time favorite ship?

I regularly move through ships I’m SUPER focused on, like it’s kind of a rotation. I will forever and always ship Percabeth though.

14. What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

Okay so if you follow me at @birlwrites you may know this already, but i have this ‘warmups’ document that is just like, random ideas i get that i don’t necessarily want to finish but i just want to try out for a bit? and i have a rule that once a ‘warmup’ is more than 10 pages long (so 11+) then it has to be moved to its own document, just to make scrolling through the warmups doc easier. but usually, a warmup only passes 10 pages when i’m INTO it. so i have a bazillion wips i will probably never finish. i complain about this a lot. i have so many wips. i don’t need more.

here’s one: it’s titled ‘interrobang doesn’t know they’re dating’, it’s basically a full outline for a chowder/tango fic and it would be SO cool if i could ever like. get around to writing it. but i am constantly swamped with writing projects, so it’s probably not gonna happen. if anyone’s interested in adopting it though i’d be down for that!! i think it’s a fun idea i just almost def won’t write it myself

15. What are your writing strengths?

SNAPPY DIALOGUE AND SNARKY INTERNAL MONOLOGUE. my writing is COMEDIC, 90% of my ideas are based on a funny snippet that popped into my head, a lot of my worldbuilding is based on ‘hey you know what would be hilarious’ (whenever i explain how larai selects a chosen one in the rainfall universe i start laughing, which is a STARK contrast to how it plays out on the page), i love writing funny stuff!!

also i think my writing sounds nice, a lot of the time i pick words/syntax based on sound and flow so there’s that too. and i have lots of ideas! i don’t struggle much with writer’s block because a) i have a lot of strategies to deal with it and b) i have a lot of ideas to help get around it/work with it

16. What are your writing weaknesses?

PHYSICAL INTIMACY LMAO, sometimes in my end notes on shippy fics you can see me complaining ‘it took me literally 4 hours to write that very brief kiss’. also sometimes the humor in my writing gets in the way a bit, i have to very consciously put it away so characters can actually have serious, genuine emotions. also i don’t like outlining and i tend not to get betas for fanfiction so like..... i do my best continuity-wise but having really tightly plotted stories is just not my focus lol. (and i do put more effort into that for original stuff, it’s just fic where i kind of go wild)

17. What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

If the reader’s supposed to know what it means, then writing it in another language is iffy for me. (stuff like terms of endearment which come up a lot in fic are fine imo, you can just put a note in to translate them and your reader will prob remember)

If the pov character isn’t supposed to understand it, and it doesn’t matter if the reader understands it, then ig it’s fine? but unless you already speak the other language (and i am NOT confident in my ability to translate english into literally any other language), then i think it’s way easier to just note that a character’s speaking x language and provide tone indicators, body language cues, etc. so the reader understands as much as the pov character.

That being said there are def times when it’s used super effectively--the dialogue in spanish in cemetery boys comes to mind! that’s not fanfic but it’s still creative writing so w/e

so i guess it comes down to: does actually writing out the dialogue in the other language serve a purpose? if it doesn’t, then you’re filling up the screen with words your reader isn’t likely to understand, which i try to avoid doing

18. What was the first fandom you wrote for?

so the first fandom i actually *wrote* for was PJO, but i distinctly remember creating warrior cats OCs when i was little. i never actually did anything w them but i had them and my favorite was a riverclan warrior named shellstream i remember this VIVIDLY

19. What’s your favorite fic you’ve ever written?

oh boy. okay so this is hard because i feel like i’m continuously improving as a writer. like in the sense that my writing is getting closer and closer to really matching my own taste? my favorites tend to always be my current projects as a result. and i do really love set those ghosts alight (HP) but it feels a little like cheating to say a fic i haven’t even finished writing yet. even though it’s def not cheating, that’s just the direction my brain is taking it.

i’m gonna say and then what? (OMGCP) because i’m super proud of the prose (especially ch 2 aka the first actual prose chapter), survived by (HP) for SUCCESSFULLY WRITING AN EMOTION and making readers cry :), and Q&A (AFTG) because i’m literally the one who wrote it and yet it still makes me wheeze. those are all fics i reread occasionally, because i’m big enough to admit i enjoy rereading my old stuff! (just like. to a point. some of my old stuff i can’t look at anymore because all the mistakes stick out to me like they have spotlights shining directly on them)

this was fun!! i’m gonna do an open tag because i just started my fall semester and brain tired. i know sometimes people see open tags and assume the op didn’t really mean it but I MEAN IT, PLEASE DO THIS AND TAG ME!!!!! YES YOU READING THIS

#tag games #long post #birl talks

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keys-to-the-kinkdom · 3 years

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Chapters: 1/2 Fandom: Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types Rating: Explicit Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia/Yennefer z Vengerbergu | Yennefer of Vengerberg Characters: Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia, Yennefer z Vengerbergu | Yennefer of Vengerberg Additional Tags: Body Modification, Consensual, Consensual Kink, Vaginal Sex, Oral Sex, Strap-Ons, Geralt gets a vagina, and loves it, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Rituals Summary:

When Geralt gets curious, Yennefer uses her magic to indulge him. Neither of them expected quite how much fun they would have with his new anatomy.

The fire had burned down to softly glowing embers, filling the room with a soft glow. Yennefer lay draped over Geralt’s chest. They breathed together as the sweat cooled on their bodies. Geralt rumbled in quiet pleasure. Yennefer yawned and snuggled deeper under his chin.

‘I didn’t think it was possible for someone to come that many times in a row,’ Geralt murmured, running a warm hand up and down her back.

Yennefer chuckled. ‘It’s difficult not to when you’re being fucked by a cock as nice as yours,’ she said.

Geralt hummed and lay still for a long while.

‘How does it feel?’ he asked eventually.

‘How does what feel?’ Yennefer asked, sounding like she had been asleep, or as near as made no difference.

‘Getting fucked,’ Geralt clarified.

‘I can show you sometime, if you want,’ Yennefer mumbled, then began to snore.

It took Geralt a long time to get to sleep after that. The words bounced around his brain. They were still there in the morning, taunting him by popping up at the most inopportune times. The thing was, Yennefer had fucked him many times before. She had a variety of cocks, some more realistic than others and they had made enthusiastic use of them. Somehow, Yenn had made this offer sound different.

It all came to a head when they sat down for their evening meal.

‘What did you mean, last night?’ Geralt asked, ‘When you said you could show me sometime.’

Yenn’s smirk was truly beautiful, if a little bit ominous.

The ritual ink was cool on Geralt’s skin and he had to resist the urge to scratch it. Yennefer stood outside the circle and began her chant. The Elder words meant nothing to Geralt, but he could feel the rising Chaos taking effect on his body. Unlike the mutations, it didn’t hurt, but it didn’t feel entirely pleasant either. He breathed through it and then all of a sudden it was over. He stood very still, not wanting to break Yenn’s concentration in case she was still working. He took inventory of his body. Nothing hurt. The space between his legs felt... different somehow. It wasn’t like he was ever particularly aware of his dick, but the absence of it screamed in his senses. He pressed his thighs together and nearly moaned at the sensation. His newly created clit was sensitive as hell.

‘Feel good?’ Yennefer asked, looking up and smirking.

‘Yeah,’ he moaned, ‘feels so good.’

‘Want to take your new cunt for a spin?’ Yennefer’s smirk was downright filthy. Geralt couldn’t help but moan again.

He would never be quite sure how they got to the bed. Every step rubbed the fabric of his braies against his clit and shot little sparks of pleasure up his spine. There could have been portals involved for all he cared, but the next thing he knew, he was flat on his back in Yenn’s huge bed, moaning into her mouth as she kissed him and raked her fingers down his chest.

‘So, darling,’ she purred, ‘would you like to find out how it feels to get eaten out?’

Geralt’s whine was embarrassingly high and thready, but Yennefer kindly took it for the assent it was and helped him scramble out of his braies. The cool air hitting his bare cunt felt amazing and highlighted just how wet he was already. He felt dizzy with it, warm and wet and aching to be filled. He opened his mouth to speak, but couldn’t muster the words. Instead, he reached out and flailed around until he could grasp Yenn’s hand and pull it to his temple. He felt her slip inside the edges of his mind, hovering there with a vaguely questioning air.

’Is it always like this?’ he thought at her.

She laughed. ‘Not quite. It’s all new to you. Your body is used to processing arousal differently, so it’s a little overwhelming for you at the moment. It will get easier, especially if we get you off a few times.’

She removed her fingers from his temple and slid down the bed. He spread his legs at her urging and felt her settle between them. Her warm breath ghosted over his centre and he quivered with a sudden onslaught of need. The first touch of her tongue to his folds set him keening in startled pleasure, his hands fisting in the sheets below him so that he wouldn’t grab at her hair. He needed more. Thankfully, she seemed to sense his desire and pushed the flat of her tongue against him, letting him rock into her. One of her dainty hands pressed down on his hip, not enough to hold him in place but enough to make him want to stay. He stilled, belly quivering as she enfolded his clit with her lips and swirled her tongue around. His thighs clenched and he howled at the feeling. She repeated the motion, driving his need higher and higher. He could feel something building at the base of his spine, desire pooling through his hips and into his achingly empty cunt. She sucked harder and flicked her tongue just so and the feeling cracked apart, shivering through him and causing him to wail out. He could have been shouting words, but he wasn’t sure. Everything was subsumed by the rush of blinding pleasure. He could feel his cunt spasming on nothing and wished he had something to clench down on. The feeling spread out through him, fading slowly and leaving him twitchy with fizzing aftershocks and Yenn gentled her mouth. Eventually, she pulled away entirely and let him pant through the last of the feeling. Yet, even after he’d returned to something approaching a baseline, he was still desperate for something more.

‘Was that everything you hoped for?’ Yenn asked, licking her lips with a smug little grin.

‘Yenn, Yenn, please, I need you to fuck me,’ he gasped.

Her smirk grew wider and darkly predatory. She slid from the bed and made her way to the small chest by the wall. Geralt whined, knowing exactly what the chest held.

‘I’m not going to start too big,’ she told him, perusing her selection. ‘I know you want it, but the stretch will be more intense than you’re anticipating. I don’t want to hurt you.’

Geralt nodded, frankly uncaring as long as she fucked him with something as soon as humanly possible.

It was both far too long and hardly any time at all before Yennefer was crossing back to his side, a slim wooden prick in her hand. It was one of the pretty ones that curved, with two ends, one for her and one for him. She let him see it as she teased one end between her legs, letting her slick drip down over it until it glistened and slid in easily when she pressed. Once it was fully seated she whispered a handful of words and Geralt’s medallion leapt on his chest as her violet magic sank into the wood. This time, when she stroked her hand down the external end of the prick, he could see her shiver at the sensation.

He felt himself grow wetter as she prowled towards him. When she settled between his legs, he reached for her, stroking a hand down her side. The position was a familiar one from all the times Yennefer had used her collection of wondrous pricks to fuck him silly before, but there was something different about knowing that she was soon going to be slipping into his warm, wet cunt. The reversal felt somehow illicit and all the more thrilling for it.

Yennefer brushed her fingers up the inside of his thighs before she lined the slim head of her prick up with his entrance. He felt himself spreading around it, the stretch odd, but not unwelcome. It almost, but not quite, burned and he whined at the edge of too much that he was feeling.

‘Ready?’ Yenn asked, catching his eyes.

He was too overwhelmed to speak, and just nodded at her, but she was used to that and took him at his word, pushing in slowly and steadily. Geralt threw his head back and howled as he was split open. He had just enough of his faculties left to be thankful that she had chosen one of her smallest pricks, because even with that, the stretch was intense. He felt it as she bottomed out in him, their hips pressed flush together. Her breasts heaved as she struggled to stay still and let him adjust. It took a moment, but he finally felt like he wasn’t going to fly apart immediately. He twitched his hips and moaned at the sensations sparking through his nerves.

‘Move,’ he groaned.

Yennefer raised one eyebrow at his demanding tone, but started twisting her hips in a sensuous wave, thrusting in slowly and steadily. The head of the wooden prick pressed against a spot just inside him that felt wonderful. He couldn’t help but match her rhythm, caught between rocking her into that spot and taking her as deep as he could to feel the stretch. He could feel that same pressure building, but it plateaued before it could break. No matter how he moved or how hard Yennefer thrust, he was caught. He whimpered.

Yennefer laughed, not unkindly. ‘A lot of people need a little helping hand when they’re getting fucked,’ she explained and reached down to fondle his clit with one hand. Her long, dextrous fingers wrapped around it, gently tugging and pressing. The pressure was suddenly building again, much faster now.

When Yennefer bent over and kissed him, all teeth and delicious possession, Geralt lost himself in a wave of pleasure. His whole body tensed and shook and he ground down on the hardness inside him, chasing the shocks of pleasure it provided. He was vaguely aware of the noise he was making, but he didn’t, couldn’t care when his whole body was lit up with such incandescent sensation.

Eventually, he relaxed and began to come down from the intensity. Yennefer pulled out of him just before it became too much and let him pant quietly for a moment.

‘D’you want?’ he asked, waggling a hand vaguely towards her.

She laughed, ‘I came while you were busy, but thanks for checking.’

Geralt hummed and drifted for a while longer. He listened to the sounds of Yennefer cleaning off the wooden prick and returning it to its place in the chest. He heard her splash some water into the bowl and wet a cloth, then run it between her legs. He flinched a little as she came and did the same to him, cleaning up his slick and sweat and also causing twinging aftershocks to light up his clit. She threw the cloth aside and then climbed into bed to wrap around him, stealing his heat as she always did.

‘Was that everything you wished for?’ she asked, quietly.

‘How long will it last?; Geralt asked.

‘I tied the spell to your own innate Chaos, so theoretically, as long as you want.’

‘Hmm,’ Geralt hummed, happy and sated, ‘Think I might keep it a while. Maybe until after winter.’

#keys writes #keys gift fic #keys body modification cw #dead dove #dead dove: do not eat

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imlostinsantacarla · 4 years

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Anonymous said: Hi! What do you think the Outsiders(including Tim & Curly) ideal girl would be like personality-wise and/or looks-wise

(a/n: heya lovely! i’m just letting you know that i wasn’t comfortable writing about the ideal looks they went for as i’ve seen a lot of these types of imagines posted and most of them are blonde haired, blue eyed white girls. i really want to begin ensuring that my writing is inclusive to as many people as i can, and i also don’t think the boys would be too knit-picky on their partners looks. so, i’ve mainly focused on the “ideal” personalities instead, which btw are just my own opinions on how i view the characters, as well! - admin kat🌙❣)

DISCLAIMER: i would like to give an ENORMOUS shoutout to @the-outsiders-blogg for their help in creating this piece! they helped me come up with some initial ideas (which i used) for what each of the boys would find ideal in a partner personality wise, as well as editing this piece and helping me add some new parts in. this is especially the case for steve, whom i find the most challenging to write for! but now i feel like i have a better grip on his character. so thank you so much for all of your help hun! also you all need to follow them bc their imagines, gifs and memes are just the most spectacular! ❤

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 　　 *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

The Gang + The Shepard Brothers Ideal Types Personality Wise Preferences:

Darry Curtis:

° I think that it’s a no brainer that Darry would date someone who’s got a more mature outlook on life and mindset in general. He doesn’t really have time or energy to invest into a relationship with someone who’s going to throw tantrums and storm out like a child. Darry has two kid brothers and a gang of friends who are pros at that, he needs someone who can keep their cool.

° He’s also going to be looking for someone who is much more grounding and soothing since he’s stressed 25/7 from raising two kid brothers, paying the bills on time and having his buddies crash at his house almost everyday.

° I believe as well that Darry would be looking for a more stable relationship, particularly one that’s long term. Darry doesn’t have the time to invest in something short term that doesn’t go anywhere. If he’s going to be with someone, he’s going to be very serious about it.

° He needs someone who’s good at communicating. Sometimes he holds in all of his emotions until they explode out messily. He needs someone who can communicate their points of views in an adult-like fashion. Also, by you speaking about your emotions it tends to open the door a crack to allow him to open up emotionally to you also, which is initially quite challenging for Darrel to do.

° Darry will need to be with someone who isn’t too sensitive. In his eyes there’s nothing wrong with sensitivity, it’s just that his words can come out rather brashly, especially when he’s high with emotion and often he’ll say things in the heat of the moment that he truly did not mean. So in other words, he needs to be with a partner that won’t take what he says to heart and will take things with a pinch of salt.

Sodapop Curtis:

° With all of the listening and diligent advice giving that this boy hands out, he’s going to need a significant other that can also do the same for him. I mean, the poor boy is only a human, he has troubles, insecurities, fears, worries, hopes and dreams just like the rest of us. He’ll also need them to be a bit patient with him because he’ll often feel guilty when he comes to you with his issues, it makes him feel weak. So all in all, he is looking for a partner in which he can develop a strong emotional connection to.

° Sodapop is definitely an adventurous and spontaneous young man and is eager to find a partner that is up to having fun with him, at least some of the time. This could be when you sit on his lap during a drag race, attending rodeos with him, going to parties and having a blast of a time by dancing the night away, the list goes on! As long as you’re up to doing some fun things with him, he’s down to be with you.

° Introversion, ambiversion or extroversion really doesn’t matter to Sodapop. He will love his partner to their very core, warts and all! As long as you’re a good person, Sodapop doesn’t really care. He’s understanding of everybody and will ensure that you’re comfortable no matter what when you’re dating him.

° Obviously he’s going to want to be with someone who’s both trustworthy and honest, for obvious reasons regarding his ex Sandy. There’s also going to have to be some patience coming from your part. I mean, he’s over her now, but the insecurity of someone breaking his heart again like she did is a pretty intense fear of his. But that’s okay, because you naturally help soothe that insecurity of his: When you say you only have eyes for this dreamy guy, you mean it!

Ponyboy Curtis:

° Ponyboy would definitely lean towards being with someone that is more in touch with their femininity and their sensitive qualities. This is surely due to the fact that he too is quite sensitive. He wants to share sunrises and sunsets, along with his thoughts of movies and books with his partner, since he can’t exactly share that much with anyone else in the gang.

° Ponyboy also loves creativity and sports, so he’s going to look for someone with either a passion for creativity or sports, maybe even science. He enjoys practicing your sport with him and bouncing creative ideas off of you. You two would make the perfect study partners!

° He’s also going to look for someone who’s a good listener because he has a lot of intense thoughts swirling around in his noggin most of the time. He’d be super grateful for it and shyly thank you, returning the favor tenfold. Pony believes in making sure that what he receives he puts out back to you just as handsomely.

° Ponyboy is definitely an introvert and that’s awesome! I feel that he’d be down to be in a relationship with another introvert, but he’s also going to need someone that will bring him out of his shell a little. He’s going to be with someone that he feels he can trust and fully relax around, which is why he’s able to share his interests and thoughts with you so fluently. So, regardless, his emotional connection to you needs to be strong in order for him to speak more and open up.

Johnny Cade:

° Johnny has a whole host of issues mentally and emotionally, so it’s incredibly important that he is with a significant other that displays qualities of compassion, patience and support. Having someone he can go to is an important step in him allowing his walls to slowly break down. If he’s talking to you without having to be forced to, you know that he’s comfortable around you.

° Again, Johnny is going to need someone who is an excellent listener. It may take some time for him to open up to you, but when he does he’s honest. And you best believe that he’s incredibly grateful to have you. Just like Ponyboy and Sodapop, he’ll also listen to you. He believes that a relationship is a two way street as well.

° Johnny is pretty introverted and shy, there’s no doubt about that. I personally feel that he would be with someone who’s much more independent and enjoys making the decisions in general. It’s going to take some time for him to be comfortable enough to communicate what he wants and why. But your patience comes in handy and eventually he’ll tell you he wants to go see a new movie at the drive-in, etc. Yet initially he’s going to let you make most of the decisions.

° Like Ponyboy, he’s definitely ecstatic to be around another introvert, vibing off of each other would be amazing for him. Silences wouldn’t be awkward and things would just be over all chill. But, I still believe that Johnny needs a partner who can get him to relax in any situation and bring his feisty nature out a little more, since it’s definitely there and we’ve all seen it! The gang find it endearing that Johnny speaks more when you’re around, it makes them happy to see how joyful he is, because that beating from those Soc’s had really left him jumping at the sight of his own shadow. Poor baby!

Dallas Winston:

° Dallas Winston is going to be into someone who is more care-free. Being with someone that’s constantly anxious leaves him feeling on edge and he wants to feel on top of the world, all round relaxed. Especially when it comes to respecting his boundaries. The whole idea of someone attempting to change who he is makes it difficult for him to take them seriously as a partner. He’s Dallas Winston, he’s going to do what he wants!

° Like Sodapop, Dallas is looking to be with someone who likes to have fun and bend the rules. Dally is a rule breaker himself, often going out of his way to break the law. He’s not asking for his partner to start shoplifting or pulling crazy stunts like he does, but even minor things will get his adrenaline pumping. Although, he’s not opposed to dating a goody two shoes either!

° In Dally’s eyes, he doesn’t care whether you’re a tomboy, a girly girl or somewhere in between! He picked you because he loves your style and the person that you are, despite how mushy that sounds. He’s never going to admit it though. Maybe he’ll tease you endearingly about it, but that’s about it. There’s something about you that caught Dally’s eye and he knew he just had to have you all to himself.

° Dallas often prefers girls who are confident, headstrong and know what they want, even if they cuss him out in the process. Just take Sherri Valance for an example! She was having none of his crap and her feisty nature really sparked interest in him. So there has to be something personality-wise from you that he also feels he connects to. However, he also has no issue with being with someone who’s quieter and less confident, Dallas is going to make you feel like the luckiest and most breathtaking girl in the world when you’re with him. His louder nature will coax you to relax over time and you’ll start to blossom a little in confidence. He’s not looking to change you, just to get you to relax, because he finds you swell just the way that you are!

Steve Randle:

° In Steve’s books, he prefers individuals with a more masculine energy, regardless of whether they’re male or female. He’s not opposed to being with someone with a more feminine energy to them. It’s just that he really wants to be able to share his passion for both automobiles and sports with his partner. He’s kind of a dork like that.

° This teenage boy is most likely going to need someone who’s able to calm his highly intense energy down. He’s in a constant state of tension, itching to let out his emotions in often brutal ways such as fighting or drag racing. He’s hyperactive and finds it a challenge in itself to soothe that high energy he’s feeling most of the time. So someone who’s more grounding and calming is a sure way to help him unwind. Obviously, you’re not looking to change him because that’s not your job! It’s just that your aura tends to level out the high emotions that pulsate throughout his entire being at full throttle.

° Yet also, it’s very important for Steve to have a partner that he can also have fun with. Much like Soda, he enjoys participating in rodeos, drag races, attending parties, etc. Doing fun activities with his significant other helps them to bond with one another and creates particularly fond memories, this is also vital because it makes him want to be around his partner more. Family and home life is genuinely a drag for Steve, which is why he spends a lot of his time at the Curtis house. To have a partner that will also do spontaneous activities with him, it helps him move beyond his broken family life, and into a space where he can really flourish as a person.

° Once again, this young man will need someone who’s good at listening to him. He’s got a lot of daddy issues, considering he fights on nearly a daily basis with his father, getting kicked out too! This obviously creates a lot of anger inside him, which is why he’s so smart mouthed and quick to jump the gun and invest in a fist brawl, instead of talking things out with someone or letting it go. He feels that he needs to be tough in order for people to not only take him seriously, but also not to step on him. His father steps on him and his emotions too much which has erected a sturdy wall that he let’s few people through. It’s like his defense mechanism.

° This boy is going to love someone who smiles brightly at him. It’s cheesy I know, but there’s nothing better on this planet than his partner being happy. When you smile, all of his worries dissolve!

Two-bit Matthews:

° It’s a no brainer that Two-bit will flock to blondes. They’re his favorite! But what really makes him a sucker for someone is their ability to laugh right along with him. Yes, even at his crummy puns and terrible jokes! The sound of your laugh is genuine music to his ears, he’d do anything and everything to hear it a thousand times a day. The only time he enjoys you crying is when you’re crying of laughter.

° This boy is a bundle of the finest chaotic energy™ known to man, so he too will need someone more grounded to keep him down on the ground. Otherwise, he’d be on Mars by now! His partner would definitely teach him that it’s perfectly okay to feel other emotions that aren’t joy and excitement, and that it’s equally just as important to face those feelings.

° He strives to be with someone who is passionate about something. Anything really! He may not be the brainiest out of the bunch, but he’ll listen to you for hours on your passions. It makes him grin silly and honestly, he likes to at least attempt to learn some things about your interests. For him, a big passion of his is Mickey Mouse! He’ll talk to you about it for hours whilst he watches the television show with you.

° Two-bit also values honesty in relationships. Yes, he’s a grade A liar, but he feels crummy when he lies to his partner or is lied to by his partner. So he always does his utmost finest to ensure that he’s being as honest as possible. This is especially the case when a joke of his upsets you in any way, shape or form. If it goes too far then he wants to know. He can be a bit scatterbrained and may forget, but he wants you to be comfortable with and around him. He won’t settle for anything less.

Tim Shepard:

° Funnily enough, I believe that he would go for someone a lot softer than him since he likes the contrast. He’s all about that opposites attract trope, even sometimes his own gang have to bat their eyelids to make sure they weren’t imagining who they were seeing with their gang leader. They don’t necessarily have to be a goody-goody, just not as harsh as he is. It makes him hopeful in the world when he can bag someone kinder than him.

° Nevertheless, Tim wants to be with someone who has a mind of their own as well as having the capability to stand up for themselves. He loves protecting them, but he also wants to breathe easy when he’s not around you, comforted silently in the fact that you can handle your own. I mean, it’s a turn on for him when his partner can run their mouth, despite looking innocent. Like hands down, it’ll probably get him in the mood asap!

° Although Tim isn’t sold on expressing many emotions, he’s aware that they’re there, bubbling under the surface. So, Tim will definitely be with someone that he feels he is able to emotionally connect with. He doesn’t even have to vocalize this, it’s just something that he knows inside of his head and can feel when he’s around the person. It means that you’ve both got a strong connection together, which he’s not really got with many people in his life, considering how brutal his home-life really is.

° He also wants to be with someone who is trustworthy and honest. Tim doesn’t have the time to waste on two-timers. Usually when he settles into a relationship, it’s for the long term.

Curly Shepard:

° It’s canon that Curly Shepard isn’t the smartest kid out there in the world, so he probably seeks out someone who sees past that and can really get him as the person that genuinely cares deeply about him and wishes to get to know him. Because Curly is actually quite fun to be around, he’s always got some sort of idea to kill the time!

° In all honesty, Curly’s going to be most attracted to an individual that will be prepared to cause at least a little bit of trouble with him. You’re usually the one who ensures that you both don’t get caught. The whole experience is such a rush that you’re both grinning widely at each other afterwards.

° He’s most likely going to go for someone more extroverted or at least someone who is an ambivert as Curly would have a challenging time when it comes down to understanding someone who’s more introverted and shy. It’s not to say he wouldn’t like them, he just will assume that they’re quiet and withdrawn because they don’t like him, even if they do. But he definitely doesn’t think that there’s anything wrong with introverts! I mean, Ponyboy Curtis is one of his good buddies, after all.

° Curly is quite spontaneous himself, enjoying it when he switches things up. He becomes bored with little effort, so he needs to keep himself busy, and what better way to do that when he can cause all sorts of trouble! You low-key do have to remind him that climbing a telephone pole again would result in another broken arm, but he does it anyway!

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 　　 *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

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sunshinereversed · 4 years

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𝙙𝙮𝙡𝙖𝙣’𝙨 “𝙛𝙡𝙤𝙬𝙚𝙧𝙨 𝙤𝙣 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙬𝙖𝙡𝙡”: 𝙖𝙣 𝙖𝙣𝙖𝙡𝙮𝙨𝙞𝙨

I think it’s eerily prophetic how the song “Flowers on the Wall” (performed by the Statler Brothers) radiates so strongly with Dylan Klebold. The country tune has already been associated with Dylan because it appears in the background of the video where he and Nate are driving to school. But if you really listen to the lyrics and reflect on Dylan’s inner struggles, they coincide strangely well.

Let’s take the very first line of the song.

I keep hearin' you're concerned about my happiness.

The constant ‘Are you okay? Are you sure you’re okay? You seem so down lately’ from his parents, especially Sue, is reflected here. His mother sees that Dylan is ‘moody and irritable,’ often withdrawn, spending time hauled up in his room. She notices the tightness of his voice, which is unlike him, and she offers to make him French toast or an omelet. This must be about something small, she thinks. Yet his sullen demeanor stays as days turn to weeks, and she must ask again in vain, ‘Are you okay?’

But all that thought you're givin' me is conscience, I guess.

It doesn’t even cross Sue’s mind that her son may be unwell. She is simply asking out of concern for him looking unhappy, believing whatever it is will solve itself out. His mother wears her heart on her sleeve, and it pains her to see him so sad. But what can she do if he refuses to talk about it? All she can do is ask and wait for it to pass. He’s a good kid, after all. He’ll do the right thing because she’s worked hard to instill her morals into what he does.

If I were walkin' in your shoes, I wouldn't worry none.

Dylan reassures her repeatedly. ‘I’m only tired. I have a lot of homework. Nothing’s wrong. No one gives me a tough time, I’m 6’4”.’ He wishes she would leave him alone. He thinks she wouldn’t understand; she wouldn’t listen. He tells his parents not to worry. ‘You can trust me,’ he tells his mother one evening after the prom. Dylan goes out of his way to prove that he is the golden child. It works, and they worry none.

While you 'n' your friends are worried about me I'm havin' lots of fun.

Dylan’s social life serves as a mask for what is going on in his mind. He goes over to his friends’ houses, bowls on Friday nights, makes videos after school, plays catch with his dad, and even watches old movies with his mother. He has pictures of good times with friends. Outwardly, he is smiling; life is a dream. This makes his parents rethink their concerns. He’s a happy kid who does normal teenage things. What is there to worry about? He’s assuring those around him that he’s fine.

Now here comes the chorus, which is a bit tricky but makes sense when you consider these things:

Countin' flowers on the wall.

If anyone is familiar with the book The Yellow Wallpaper by Charlotte Perkins Gilman, this might be a clue. Like the protagonist in the book, Dylan is trapped in his four-walled cell (his bedroom) which is where he does most of his thinking and spiraling downwards. This is where he writes in his journal and vents his frustrations. It’s a toxic environment for his brain. His room is where he cries himself to sleep; hugs his pillow in loneliness; gets drunk by himself. Most importantly, it’s where he blurs fantasy and reality. While not as plainly mad as the poor woman from Gilman’s novel, Dylan is mentally tortured by what he perceives to be ‘an unfair/miserable existence’ and being ‘stuck in humanity.’ He rejects both, and often retreats into his fantasy where he is with his love and away from the world. The ‘flowers on the wall’ symbolizes his own deception of life when he is alone, and might not only symbolize his bedroom, but also his brain.

That don't bother me at all.

Unlike the real world, Dylan very much prefers to live in the fictional one he’s conjured within his mind. It’s his safe place. Paradoxically, his mind is also where he tears himself down and others around him. It’s a poisonous escape. Yet he is already so far gone in that escape, he can’t see the damage he is doing to himself. And he continues to do so, unbothered, and unaware.

Playin' solitaire till dawn with a deck of fifty-one.

‘Playing solitaire’ could be a metaphor symbolizing his isolation and loneliness, his solitude. Solitaire is a single-player game, and Dylan feels alienated most of the time, especially when he is sulking in his room. Thinking, always thinking. Sometimes, as the line implies, until dawn. He is a night owl who cannot sleep because his mind is constantly awake. Playing music, conversing in chats on the computer, formulating poems in his notebooks, doodling, or just thinking (negatively). He oversleeps often because he is up late doing these things. He is alone, in the middle of the night, consumed by his own sadness. Something is missing inside him, and that is why he plays with ‘a deck of fifty-one.’ He thinks a significant other is the thing that is missing, and if he finds her, he will finally be playing with fifty-two cards, figuratively.

Smokin' cigarettes and watchin' Captain Kangaroo.

For Dylan, this is a dichotomy. An everlasting contrast. The balance between two things, lightness, and darkness, good and evil, etc. He’s doing grown-up things like holding a job, applying to colleges, driving a car, and as the lyrics say, smoking cigarettes. Marlboro, preferably. At the same time, Dylan is caught between acting his age and longing for simpler days. This is where ‘watching Captain Kangaroo’ comes in. It’s a kid’s show and is intended for such an audience. Dylan thinks back with nostalgia for his childhood, when life wasn’t full of disappointments, stress, high school bullies, responsibility. He hangs onto items that remind him of his youth: his stuffed koala, origami, classic movies, his trademark baseball cap, his love for fixing old cars with his dad. Dylan is stuck somewhere in the middle of the two, never truly satisfied with one over the other.

Now don't tell me I've nothin' to do.

Again, Dylan tells those around him that he is perfectly fine by engaging in normal teenage things. He hides how depressed he feels. Dylan becomes increasingly irritated the more people ask if he’s okay. The repetition of this line throughout the song is more like a cry for help than a reassurance.

Last night I dressed in tails, pretended I was on the town.

This could symbolize several things, but what comes to my mind is Dylan’s prom night. The fact that he even goes to prom is a pleasant surprise to his parents, confirming that there’s nothing abnormal lurking on the horizon. His father helps him get dressed in his tuxedo, struggles to figure out how the bow tie works, and he pulls his newly washed hair back into a neat ponytail. His mother thinks he looks quite handsome, comparing him to a character in a movie they are both fond of. For a moment, he is just a normal high school kid going to a dance. Nothing out of the boring ordinary.

As long as I can dream it's hard to slow this swinger down.

For one night, at the prom, Dylan pretends this is his life. He is good at blocking out what he considers evil, and Dylan allows himself to enjoy the moment. He’s had a lot of practice at ignoring his pain. If he can retreat into the fantasy he’s created in his mind, he is capable of anything, good or bad. It’s like an out-of-body experience. He’s not there when he’s there. Nothing can stop him. He has two settings at this point, 0 and 100. An unhealthy dreamer can be deadly not only to others, but to the dreamer himself.

So please don't give a thought to me, I'm really doin' fine.

As mentioned previously, Dylan flies under the radar to not be asked about his well-being. He holds out his arms to point to all these social activities he’s engaging in with his friends as if to say ‘Look what I’m doing. I’m fine. Do not worry.’ It’s a cruel deception, and he doesn’t even realize he is being deceived as much as those around him are. Dylan starts to believe what he’s telling others. He doesn’t think he is worth the worry.

You can always find me here; I'm havin' quite a time.

‘Here’ can mean one of several places: his bedroom, his mind, or perhaps his existence. Either way, ‘I’m having quite a time’ is a sarcastic remark. He’s drowning in his harmful thoughts, yet that’s where he feels the safest. It’s his protective shell that he puts up against the world. Dylan entertains the idea over and over in his mind that his love is waiting for him in another existence. No matter where he physically is, he’s ‘always there’, lost in his thoughts.

The chorus repeats. Dylan outwardly seems okay. Left to his own devices, he is not.

It's good to see you, I must go, I know I look a fright.

This is a goodbye. Even though it is a casual farewell, it has deeply painful undertones. He says he didn’t like life too much but hopes he will find peace in the next one. He offers a final goodbye to those he loved, family and friends. ‘It’s good to see you’ displays how detached he feels toward the end. These are no longer people he knows fondly; it was simply good to see them. The thoughts must end, and he must leave before they worsen. Like the lyrics suggest, he doesn’t want to stick around and knows he must go. A big part of his self-esteem had to do with his self-image. The line ‘I know I look a fright’ symbolizes how negatively he thought of his own appearance. Dylan couldn’t see his own attractiveness. He felt awkward due to his height, long facial features, shaggy hair, and the way he dressed.

Anyway, my eyes are not accustomed to this light.

This is the trademark dark sunglasses that Dylan wears almost everywhere. He hides behind them, shielding his tears from the world. The light comes from the sun, and he cannot withstand the same light that others can, a nod to him feeling isolated from humanity. Though he is called the ‘sunshine boy,’ his eyes are not meant for its light. So, he dawns the shades to (metaphorically) keep it out.

And my shoes are not accustomed to this hard concrete.

Unlike the sneakers worn by the jocks at his high school, Dylan sports black combat boots. They are unusual among the other students, but Dylan feels comfortable in them. Again, he separates himself from the rest of humanity. He is not meant for it. He knows he must go somewhere he feels free.

So I must go back to my room and make my day complete.

By the end of the song, it becomes clear that Dylan now lives inside the world he’s created in his mind. It almost becomes odd for him not to retreat there at least once a day if not all the time. But like the final lyrics, he goes to stay there forever and never to return.

The final repetition of the chorus only emphasizes the truth. He was not ‘doing fine’, despite all the work of convincing others the opposite.

The last line loops again before the song ends. The upbeat and happy tune only makes the message more haunting.

Don't tell me I've nothin' to do.

And no one did.

#analysis #flowers on the wall #dylan klebold #american tragedy

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