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seventh-district · 8 months

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Midnight Hour

With the warm haze of sleep fading from you, your brow furrows as your right hand presses lightly against his lower abdomen, your thumb sweeping up and down in a small attempt at a comforting motion. You quietly call for his attention, voice still thick with sleep.

“Star? Is everything okay?”

You awake in the middle of the night to find your lover in tears.

Pairing: Astarion x Reader

Word Count: 3,139

Content Warnings: [crying (obviously)] [non-specific mentions of Astarion's past trauma] [this fic was written by someone who hasn't actually played the game and that might show in the details/the lack thereof]

Blinking your tired eyes open, you squint at the light of the crackling fire in front of you. Closing them again, you let out a soft sigh as you try to guess at the current time. Given that you woke on your own, you’re assuming it’s likely close to, but not quite, time for you to take over tonight’s watch shift.

Your group has fallen into a routine where you pair off into teams of two, and a different team keeps watch each night. Tonight’s turn belongs to you and Astarion, and he’s taken the first half of the shift as usual. You usually, ironically, sleep your best on the nights that he keeps watch, in spite of only getting half the amount of sleep as you do on the nights another team has the job.

You suppose you can credit the fact that, at the end of the day, Astarion is a creature of the night. Something about knowing he has the upper hand when it comes to any unwanted nighttime visitors your group may encounter is… reassuring. To you, as well as to the others in the group, loathe as some of them may be to admit it. That is, once they all felt confident in his promises to not make a surprise midnight snack of them, at least.

Tonight is a bit of an exception, though, and you’re not quite sure what woke you early this time. You typically sleep soundly until he gently coaxes you awake, nails combing through your hair, voice soft and apologetic in your ear. He’s always somewhat reluctant to wake you, but he does so nonetheless, having learned his lesson after the first time he made the executive decision to let you sleep the whole night through. His arguments of “You really looked like you could use the rest.” and “What’s one sleepless night? I can sleep when I’m dead.” didn’t hold much water in the face of the way he dragged ass through the entire next day.

In “the spirit of fairness” and “proving that he can stick to an agreement,” he never tried to take the whole shift by himself again. It definitely didn’t have anything to do with how guilty he felt when he heard the disappointment in your tone when you awoke that first morning and discovered he hadn’t stuck to the plan. Definitely.

Laying there in the quiet, you try and fail to pinpoint what feels different about tonight. You don’t hear any strange noises, nothing feels unusual, and blinking your eyes open again you raise your head a bit to look around the fire. The rest of the group are circled around the other sides of the heat source, sleeping soundly. You figure that you’re probably just getting used to this routine by now, and your body simply woke up around your usual shift change time on its own.

Still, that doesn’t explain the vague, unplaceable feeling that something is just… off.

You let out a sigh that turns into a yawn as you stretch and roll away from the fire onto your back. Letting your head roll further to the left, your eyes land on the familiar sight of your lover’s back as he sits in his usual position beside you, diligently watching your six.

He’s taken to placing his bedroll right next to yours, insisting that you lie between the fire and himself. You couldn’t really argue with his point that he can’t feel the cold anyways, so there’s no need for him to be the one next to the fire. Nor could you argue with the benefits of having him as a line of defense between you and whatever lurks beyond the reach of the firelight.

The feeling of security and protection that he provides you with is still relatively foreign to you, and a soft smile blooms on your face at the warm feeling it brings. Your smile then falls a bit as you remember the silent question you ask yourself on the regular, of whether or not you provide him with the same.

You roll the rest of the way to your left, and shuffle further toward him, closing what remains of the small gap he’d placed between the two of you. Lying halfway on your bedroll and halfway on his, you curl your body around his seated form, bringing your right arm up and gently placing a hand on the right side of his waist. He flinches slightly, and if this were earlier on in your relationship, you’d retract your hand. He’s long since informed you though that his reaction to unexpected touch is simply involuntary, and as long as it’s you, you’ve no need to pull away.

You recall the quiet, restrained desperation in his voice when he first explained it to you, all but begging you not to pull away. He can’t control the way his body reacts to touch, given that before you, he couldn’t recall the last time being touched meant anything other than pain. In spite of that though, he wants it. He wants you. That’s obvious in the way that he, without fail, immediately relaxes under your gentle touch once his mind and body process that it’s coming from you. The way he’s come to not only relax, but to lean into it. Lean into you.

You’d never push past his boundaries, never in a million years, but he’s made it quite clear after about a thousand of your quiet requests for consent at every minor touch, that he’s entirely welcoming of your non-sexual physical affections. Getting the man to verbally admit that he actually enjoys cuddling with you, without the truth being concealed beneath a heavy layer of playful banter and practiced, honeyed words didn’t come easy, but he came around to it in his own time.

So, you don’t pull back, instead following through with the motion and slowly snaking your arm around his waist. You press your front against his lower back and curl around to rest your left cheek atop his left thigh. You can’t help but notice that he doesn’t relax into you in the way he usually does, and your head turns to the right a bit, struggling to get a half-decent look at his face as you’re both turned away from the fire light.

He remains tense, still, and unresponsive to your movements, gaze seemingly locked dead ahead of him, staring out into the dark forest.

“Star? Is everything okay?”

His typically silent breath suddenly hitches, and his head angles down to face you. Now that he’s turned toward the light, you catch the way his eyes shine, and the way the light reflects off of what you quickly realize are tear tracks, running down his cheeks. He’s actively crying, tears dripping from his chin, and now with his head tilted down at you they take a different path, running down to converge and fall from the tip of his nose.

You nearly bolt upright in your shock, quickly unwrapping yourself from him and clambering around on all fours until you’re sat down in front of him, your hands gripping tightly to your upper thighs in worry. His wide-eyed gaze followed your every movement, and even now that you’re sat still in front of him, his eyes still dart around, frantically scanning you, for what, you don’t know.

“What- what’s going on?”

You keep your voice as quiet as you reasonably can in spite of your shock and concern, not eager to wake your companions and have everyone witness… whatever this is.

He doesn’t respond, looking just about as lost as you feel, shaking his head in silence as more tears fall. It’s one hell of a sight, and it suddenly hits you that this is the first time you’ve ever seen him cry.

Unsure of what to do and what even caused this, you resist the urge to wrap him in a hug, not wanting to overstep in this unfamiliar territory. Instead, you glance back over your shoulder and once again see and hear nothing of note before trying another question.

“Is there a threat? Did you see something that scared you, honey?”

He takes a long moment to answer, seeming unsure, before eventually settling on another shake of his head. His lack of confidence in his answer isn’t the most reassuring thing at the moment, but given that you aren’t detecting any danger either, you decide to believe that he really didn’t see any threat. At least, not here. Not right now, in the present moment, in front of him. He seems about halfway here and halfway gone, and if your growing suspicions are correct, he’s probably been sat here lost in the dark corners of his mind for a while now, given the state he’s in.

You catch movement to Astarion’s right side and watch as Karlach raises up from her prior position sprawled out face-down on her bedroll, propping herself up with her forearms beneath her. Her expression of concern is too aware and her eyes are too awake for her to have just now woken up, and you quickly gather that she’s probably been awake and laying there long enough to have heard your questions and Astarion’s lack of any verbal response. She doesn’t say anything though, and doesn’t move, just letting the situation unfold and keeping a watchful eye on the darkness behind you.

Relaxing slightly at the knowledge that someone else is awake and helping to keep watch now, your focus shifts back to Astarion, who’s gaze has moved to his lap, tears still falling fast. It’s almost unsettling, the way he cries. There’s no sound, no movement, his breathing is hardly even affected, nothing more than the occasional shaky breath to give away any sign of struggle at all. You don’t have to guess why it’s like this, given what he’s told you about his past. You’re sadly certain that he learned to cry like this ages ago. Silent and still, sat alone in the dark so no one would notice.

You don’t want to think about the sorts of punishments he’s endured as a result of showing such pain and emotion, but your mind pulls from what experiences he’s shared and offers up a few anyways, making you begin to feel sick.

Leaning down and trying to catch his gaze, you ask another question.

“Astarion, are you with me right now?”

He blinks, more tears spill, and his lips finally part as he responds to you with a strained whisper.

“I’m trying to be…”

You smile in spite of your current emotions and the general mood of the situation, doing your best to be something positive, something gentle, something safe for him to focus on.

“There you are…”

You say it to yourself as much as to him, relieved to finally hear his voice, as laced with pain as it sounds. You hold out your hand near where his lie balled into fists in his lap, offering him contact without forcing it on him.

“I want you to keep trying, okay? Do your best to come back into the present with me. You can take my hand, if you’d like?”

He stares down at your offered hand for a long moment before shakily unballing one of his fists. He hesitates, fingers trembling, before reaching out and placing his hand in yours. His skin is even colder than usual and slightly damp to the touch, and you couldn’t be less put off, or give less of a fuck about the messy state of him right now, or ever, if you’re being honest. You just want to help him, however you can.

You curl your warm fingers around his palm, wanting to pull him into a hug so badly but restraining yourself, letting him call the shots.

“You’re okay now, Star. You’re safe right now, here with me. We’re safe.”

He’s quiet for another long moment as he shuts his eyes tight, taking in your words. His other fist unfurls, and his body trembles almost imperceptibly.

“I… I’m sorry… I’m sorry…”

Your heart breaks.

“Honey, you have nothing to apologize for. Nothing at all, I promise you.”

He shakes his head in disagreement, his voice an insistent whisper.

“I shouldn’t be doing this.”

Your shoulders drop from where they’d been tensely held up, body slumping with a silent sigh as you watch him still try to hold this wall up between the two of you. You’d made it past a number of his walls already, but this one… this one you’ve yet to be granted access behind.

“It’s okay to cry, you know?”

Another shake of his head, this time with far more force behind it, almost vehement.

“No.”

You soften your voice, insisting.

“Yes. It is. You can cry now, Astarion. No one’s gonna hurt you. No one’s gonna judge you. I swear on my life, that’s the truth.”

His breaths become more labored, uneven and shaking.

“You aren’t his anymore. The old rules don’t apply. You can let it out, now. No one, and I mean no one, is going to punish you for it.”

His eyes pinch closed and his head shakes hard side to side, like he’s fighting his own mind, and his hand opens and closes like it wants to grab onto something. He then moves, wrapping his free hand around your arm and suddenly you’re being pulled toward him, desperately, insistently.

You follow the motion as he continues to tug at you, first leaning forward and propping yourself up with your other hand on the ground as he continues to pull you closer. You quickly gather what he wants as he lets go of your hand in favor of latching onto your other arm, pulling you upward, choking back tears all the while.

You raise up on your knees and his hands move once again to hook beneath your arms as you allow yourself to be pulled up onto his lap with physical strength you keep forgetting he possesses. Hooking your legs around his waist, you wrap your arms around his shoulders and pull him into you. His arms wrap tightly around your waist and he buries his face into the fabric of your shirt at the collar, muffling the soft sound of his crying which has now turned to full-blown sobs.

He’s still shockingly quiet in spite of it all, and you imagine it’s a mixture of being unable to let go of what’s ingrained into him, and not wanting to alert the entire camp to his current breakdown.

Your thumbs stroke up and down in place on his back, not wanting to let go of your hold on him but still wanting to give him some sort of comforting motion to focus on. Besides, you figure petting across the entire expanse of his scarred back might do the opposite of calming him down, so you refrain and keep your arms wrapped firmly around him. Turning your head down toward his, you whisper to him in between soft kisses to his temple.

“That’s it, love. Let it out.”

“You’re safe now, Astarion, I swear.”

“There’s nothing wrong with this.”

“I’m so proud of you.”

“You have every right to cry. No one ever should’ve taken that away from you.”

He grips you even tighter as you shower him with painfully unfamiliar affection and acceptance, comfort unlike anything he’s ever felt before in his horribly long life. His forehead presses against your right shoulder as his crying slows, trying to ground himself and catch his breath. You make a point of holding him securely against you, breathing slow and deep to give him an example to follow.

You catch movement in your periphery and glance over at Karlach as she quietly sits up and makes a series of silent lip movements and hand gestures that you don’t entirely grasp. You work them out to mean that she’s gonna take over watch for the rest of the night, and you can rest with Astarion. You send her a grateful look and mouth a “thank you,” to which she waves you off with what you think you read as a silent “don’t mention it” on her lips.

After a short while spent focused on slowing down his breath and bringing him fully out of his memories and back here with you, you whisper quiet words in his ear.

“Your work is done, Astarion. You can rest now.”

You mean it in both possible interpretations of the words, and he seems to understand that, his body finally relaxing against yours for the first time tonight.

“You wanna lie down with me, love?”

He seems like he almost nods, but stops himself, whispering back in an exhausted voice, scratchy and thick from crying.

“Someone has to keep watch.”

You hesitate to inform him that Karlach has already taken over that role for tonight, sure that he’d get no sleep at all if he knew she’d witnessed this. You know you’re gonna be awake watching over him for the rest of the night anyways, so instead, you offer a compromise.

“I can hold you and keep watch at the same time, love. Just… let me sit and you can lay against me.”

He gives the suggestion a moment of thought before nodding his head, reluctantly loosening his hold on you. You maneuver the both of you carefully so as to avoid allowing his tired eyes to catch sight of your obviously awake companion sitting behind him.

It isn’t much of a task considering his eyes are halfway closed already, his only remaining focus locked on you. You settle down at the head of his bedroll, guiding him to lie down and bringing his head to rest in the center of your lap.

Your hands take turns gently combing fingers through his white curls, and you feel his tense shoulders begin to relax at the feeling. You bring a thumb down and gently stroke over the lines creasing his brow, quietly encouraging him to release the tension he likely doesn’t realize he’s holding. You watch him pull in a deep, albeit still slightly unsteady breath, and you can practically feel the relief that washes over him when he exhales.

Words aren’t necessary between the two of you at this point, not in this moment, but you offer him a few anyways, hoping they’ll resonate in his tired mind as he slips into sleep.

“You’re safe here, Star. Rest easy.”

A/N: Like I said in the CWs, I haven't played the game for myself (yet!) so I only know what I've seen in the hours of (mostly Astarion-focused) scenes I've watched on YT. As a result, this might have read a bit funny if I've gotten certain details wrong. For instance- I have no idea how resting at the camp actually goes, whether or not someone keeps watch all night, etc. Also I'm not sure if Astarion even needs to actually sleep or if he meditates/falls into a trance and just calls it sleep, but for the sake of simplicity, (and me being clueless,) when I say he falls into sleep just assume he's doing whatever he'd normally do to rest. On a different note- this little fic was inspired by a combination of two things. The lovely art and additional commentary on this post, by @velnna , and also by me listening to Midnight Hour by Sierra Eagleson on loop for like, an hour, and daydreaming up this specific scene before proceeding to write it out. It is a beautiful song that is now the title and theme-song for this fic, and I encourage you to go give it a listen if you haven't heard it already. Header Image Source: x

#astarion x reader #astarion #baldur's gate 3 #baldurs gate 3 #bg3 #astarion bg3 #bg3 astarion #astarion fic #astarion fanfic #my writing #man. this may be the quickest turnover/turnaround whateverthewordis on a fic that i've ever made happen #i usually sit on an idea and then a draft for ages before posting smthn. so given that it's only been a couple days #between the initial idea and the finished posted fic. wow. groundbreaking speeds for me #the power of hyperfixation (and love)#y'know. i've noticed a trend #why is it that nearly every time i write for a new character the first scenario i place them in involves crying #and having Reader hold/comfort them #i did it with Eddie i did it with Venti i'm doing it with Astarion. who's next. who's next in the Reverse Comfort lineup huh #idk why that's my go-to scenario it just is. maybe i do have a type. (characters that need to have a good cry in their beloved's arms)#or maybe perhaps it is i that needs the good cry and i am projecting. who knows. 'tis a mystery (it's both)#anyways i know this fic is a bit short but i just. had one little specific scene i wanted to write and that's it!#i do plan on making more for him though. i've already got another idea brewing in my brain #also sorry if 'honey' and 'love' aren't your go-to pet names. or if you wouldn't call him Star #my own style of speech heavily influences what i have Reader say in my fics and i can't help itttttt. everything i write is self-insert lma #*lmao (i’m on mobile rn i’m not retyping all of that just to add the last letter)#(yes i’m posting this from mobile cause i took a nap and overslept and missed the time i wanted to post this at. so now i am In A Rush #smthn smthn self imposed deadlines smthn smthn ‘i know the guy that made the rules and he’s a total pushover’ anyways it’s fine. post draft

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inkskinned · 2 years

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hey it's nanowrimo. i have tips bc i've done it about 34 times.

Don't edit. Ever. Stop it. If you just decide to start a new project half thru this one with all new characters, no problem. pick up and keep writing as if you'd already written the first half of that.

"but i spelled it wrong" whatever. "but the grammar" whatever. make it exist first. no time for sense. think like you're working on a typewriter. no backspace. only forward go.

Don't re-read further than a paragraph or two backwards. "did i mention the gun before?" listen - it doesn't matter. if you need there to be a gun there, the gun is there. put it back in once you finish the book.

"i forgot the specifics of X thing i already wrote" whatever. change it, make a note/comment to figure it out later, and just write what makes sense for the moment. "no raquel it's legit the characters name and origin" idc that character is now reborn as Claudius from Elsewhere. it's fine.

only you see your mistakes. nobody else knows. one of the ways writing and dance overlap - only you know the choreography. nobody else will know if you miss a step, so just keep dancing and pretend you meant to do it like that.

it's an illusion that you need to write linearly - from point A to point B to point C. Nah; that's just timeline propaganda. I've written a LOT of books out of order and just reordered them once i've finished. if you have a scene you'd LOVE to write but can't get there yet because of plot, just fuckin write the scene. I've always found its easier to establish "point F" "point J" and "Point A" and then wiggle my way between those scenes.

write what you WANT to write. 230 pages of smut? of well-researched discussion on bread? whatever. the point is to strengthen muscles however you can.

if you miss a day, a week, whatever. not the end of the world. we all have dry days. also time is a myth so u can do this challenge whenever u want.

as soon as you try to write for a specific audience, you kill your voice. you are writing for yourself. stop thinking about how people will take ur book. it don't matter. what matter is u, enjoying writing. i luv u.

play to your strengths. i have characters talk so much because i don't know how to write a plot if it kills me but i'm really good at dialogue so.

i love a flight of fancy. write a poem in there. shift tactics and write in code. keep it fun for yourself.

see what happens if you shift something major about ur main characters - gender, wealth, superpowers. or if you change point-of-view. or if you kill everyone in a big explosion. do NOT edit anything before this or after it. often these little weird one-off exercises teach me what interests me about what i'm working on. it is never what i thought. plus it is a fun way to add like 1k words.

stretch.

it's for fun and for practice. stop doing that project if it's giving you anxiety. once my nano was literally 50k words of half-started stories. just things i tried and tried and tried and wasn't able to flesh out. oops. but i am now 50k words of a better writer.

add dragons?

read books/listen to books on tape/etc. people often make the mistake of "buckling down" to just write. you need inspiration. you need to like. fill up on words. you need to remember how it feels to lose yourself in a story.

i don't have the time or space to really talk about this in this post but a lot of creative people turn to drugs/alcohol because it can help you be more creative. this is harmful, and walking a blade that only cuts deep. if you notice you and your loved ones are turning more to substances, please know i love you and i hope you are able to get help soon. i feel like this almost never gets mentioned because it's kind of a hazy underbelly to art. you are always more important than the work.

on that note. drink your fukin. water.

don't talk about a story until you've finished it. once you tell the story, it exists already, and isn't about discovery. i usually have a very canned "haha we'll see" response.

grapes :) tasty snack.

i love you be free.

#edit: the command not to talk about it is from personal experience!#i have heard Otherwise in the tags so i will edit to say:#if you've noticed that you tend to like Talk A Lot about ur piece but never WRITE it -#consider voice-to-text #also #u might be like me and ... need to figure it out on the PAGE and not OUT LOUD #i am often an auditory processor so i wont tell people specifics but i'll be like #huh. so i have a character who is in love .... and they don't know it #and my friend will be like ''oh they should kiss' and meanwhile #somehow #saying it out loud im like #yeah thank u ur right the dress SHOULD be purple that's what the problem has been <3 #idk!!! it's up to you!!! my suggestion is to say LESS until you know for a FACT that saying MORE works better for you #-- always better to slowly unspool in ur exploration of that #than to accidentally talk too much and get Bored Of Project #idk idk idk #i have adhd so every book surprises me bc im like #wait where did any of this even COME FROM #and whatever little gremlin in my brain that writes is like :)#''heyyy girlie.......''#WHICH IS A LONG WAY TO SAY:#i didn't know about Not Talking About It as an option until i'd ruined a few projects!!#but there are people who need to do the other thing!!! and i love us both!!!!#wow brains are so funny!!!!

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faeofdusk · 1 year

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OC havers please vote and share, I want to check something

#oc stuff #original characters #poll #writing poll #oc poll #glasses #I HAVE NO IDEA HOW TO TAG IT SO PEOPLE CAN SEE IT UUUH #this will probably flop anyways I have like 50 followers and half of them are inactive #the other half is bots probably #anyway I'm making thise because I realized recently that????? none of my ocs?????) use glasses?????????????#i need glasses why none of my ocs do i project literally every trait of mine onto them #thats weird wtf #not even orion (my sona) uses glasses #I'm. Huh.#anyway i want to see if that's a common issue or if im just a freak like that

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platonic-qpr-selfshipping · 7 months

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making my own canon even if no one else likes it (i am too insecure about my headcanons so I just assume no one agrees with them instead of trying to share them)

#sorry it's the self projecting #i cant stop having genshin thoughts i miss cyno sm #and!!!! Luke!!!! i have been playing a bit of tot these days anddd i like these characters quite a lot!!#also it's ace week and im always craving ace positivity tbh so #self indulgent scenarios in my head where half the canon does not exist #that's how im living #this has been such a hard week huh #all i write is about you #self shipper #self ship community #safeship

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keymintt · 6 days

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CONGRATULATIONS!!!! You got the mural job, that's amazing news =D

THANK YOU!!! i've haven't quite done anythin like this before BUT i have enough experience from other projects to where it's not a super super daunting thing. like yeah it's Big and that'll have it's challenges but i'm excited !! :>

i don't know if i can show my proposal sketch off else i'd put it here but i will certainly show the finished mural off here once it's done >:3

#asks #clubsheartsspades #it also helps that i will be paid. several thousand dollars for this job. now part of that is to cover supplies bc it's. FUcking Big but #definitely the biggest job i have had so far size and paycheck wise dhglkdhfgl #i wouldn't call it weird exactly but i'm at an interesting place in my career as an artist bc i feel as if i should have found a specialty #by now. and by no means is it a bad thing that i haven't bc i love working on a huge variety of projects and i learn a lot from all of them #but for me it's like #i'm a freelance illustrator. i'm an art teacher. i do public art. i run an online shop. i do comics in my free time. every now and again i #exhibit in physical galleries #i do digital art but i'm also a traditional artist #'mintt why are you like this' i'm insane and i don't realize it until i write out everything i do like. oh. huh.#i don't mind doing any and all of that it's fun and there is an inherent cohesion to my work regardless bc i made it #but a lot of the artists i follow. especially the handful of professional artists i know irl do like. one or two of those things bc that's #their specialty. and idk if i have that career specialty yet. i Certainly have my specialties irt subjects #i think there's something to be said though about me seeking out more local opportunities than anything bc i don't feel like i quite have #the portfolio yet to be really noticed when applying for Big Things out of state and whatnot #at least with my more traditional work digital stuff is different #i am thoroughly rambling now sdhgklhflg

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transhoverfish · 1 month

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SECOND TO LAST CHAPTER IS FINISHED. LETS GO GIRLS.

#its so weird. like theres one more chapter and then im like.... done w all my subnaut fics #like other than those other aus ive posted about but. tbh i never really intended to WRITE any of those #bc i would be here forever if i tried every single idea i came up with #but this is like the last big project i have planned for this fandom #and its. its weird!!!! ive been writing these fics for. what. four years?? five??#theres an end in sight and its like. huh.#NOT TO SAY IM GOING AWAY FOREVER OBVS. IM STILL GONNA BE HERE.#but no more 20k+ word stories until at LEAST sub3 #sorry this has nothing to do w the fic at all EVERYONE ENJOY THIS CHAPTER IS A BIT OF A LONGER ONE TO MAKE UP FOR THE WAIT #final chapter will be out before the end of the week !!!!!#once again wtf r my tags #fanfic #fanfiction #subnautica: new years eve #subnautica spoilers

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queenofbaws · 5 months

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chin in hands

idk folks. tonight i'm just thinking about the one (1) scene we get with matt and ashley. and mourning that we didn't get to see them interact more in-game. or like. at all.

i just think

i just. think.

theirs would be such an interesting friendship to dissect and study under a microscope skdlfjlskdfjsldfj

#queenie rambles about supermassive #if ashley lets matt look thru the viewfinder his reaction isnt anger towards her but exasperation and disappointment at emily #'maybe it's nothing' 'is it EVER just NOTHING with em?!' 'i mean...i guess not...' hmm methinks you two have talked about this #matt is clearly so comfy joking around w ash and her with him but hes kind of aloof and distant w josh and chris???#which makes sense when you take into account they were prob in diff grades but we're led to believe those are ashley's BOYS so like.......#what's going on between you two huh. what's. what's all this then.#in t(a) i def had jess be the one who sort of convinces ashley to join in on the prank but the older and wiser i get the more i wonder.....#was it perchance matt #i have too many things to write rn and i am promising myself not to start new shit until i finish old shit but man. im just. thinkin.#did ashley go to matt's football games despite absolutely not understanding the rules???????#did matt ALWAYS volunteer to be ashley's partner when there were group projects because he knew she'd take it seriously and not nag him????#after josh and chris graduated did they hang out together at school dances??????????????????#WHAT DID THEY WRITE IN EACH OTHER'S YEARBOOKS #oh im deep in it now i guess #WHAT KIND OF HUG IS H APPENING WHEN THEY SEE EACH OTHER AT THE END OF THE NIGHT IN THE HELICOPTER

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queenerdloser · 10 days

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me, rereading several of my half-finished oneshots and drafts: huh i love this. damn i'm a good writer. man, i want to read more of this.

me, remembering i have to sit down to write to finish these fics: ah

#liveblogging life #i was cleaning out my scrivener projects last week and man my oneshots file is uh... lmao #i start SO many projects based on a whim usually write a decent chunk and then get distracted or lose motivation #and then i come back to it and im like wow this is actually a great idea i love some of these scenes! but oh shit #to finish it i have to actually write the rest.... fuck #there's a couple of mcu oneshots that have been in there for literal years that i desperately want to finish but do NOT have motivation #also thinking about keep to the stars... i never got to get to my favorite plotlineeeeeee :((((((#but also i didnt dump 170k words on ao3 to just never finish it so maybe one day. the halamshiral chapter has been half done #for like. three years. lmao. i think ive even got like 15k of it #also several times i went HUH. that was a good line/piece of dialogue/clever moment #it's wild how much more i like my own writing the longer i go between looking at it lmao

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art-from-the-pantry · 5 months

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I am insanely in Love with this drawing. Tumblr likes to botch the resolution tho, so if you want to see it in its full glory please click it (or open it in another tab, that also works)

#Sure it looks less like it is made of copper and more like it was made of brass but hey #For that sweet lighting effects? I can move past that #Also I am so so insanely proud of the lighting like look at it #Sure the dual light sources were on accident when playing around with some shading ideas but hey #And the lack of background is a little annoying to me but my art software would have crashed if I added any more layers with effects #This is part of a bigger project (an animation/story that I am entirely writing and animating in my pirated Powerpoint programm)#Do not ask me how it works for it took me 2 weeks to finish the current 8 slides (because of University etc)#And also do not ask me why I am using Powerpoint #Frame by Frame animations drive me insane (and I have no software to actually do that in) and I don't know how to work blender yet #Ahem anyway #My actual tags now #Uhhhh #Robots #robot oc #ocs #... Skull?#Man I don't know how am I supposed to tag this #tender and loving affection for your dead and long gone creator but you are a robot/program that only gained sentience after their death #How about that huh #(first one to correctly guess the two things the design for the robot was inspired by gets. A cookie. Two cookies... My lemoncake recipe)#digital art

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sysig · 5 months

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I’ll be fine, I just have to get it all out of my system (Patreon)

#Doodles #Spoiler alert: It has been got out of my system by this point lol #I had a bad writing day and it was terribly demotivating :P I've gotten over it lol #It was an Offline Monday and the previous several days had been such good writing days! To the point where I was worn out lol #But not recognizing that and expecting to just be able to Keep Going - well it led to a minor crash lol #Again nothing bad just complainy and demotivating I'm fine ♪#I am a little :/ about my devices being in the state they are that certainly doesn't help #My laptop's hinge and my iPod being so old and janky and my poor old tablet - still the main one I'm using lol #I think most of my USB drives are shot on this poor laptop so my new tablet that needs more than just the one just....doesn't work lol #It's a good backup to be sure tho! I do still kinda want a standalone proper-like... Investing in an iPad at some point is probably...#Well I'll worry about it more when it's an Actual Problem - for the moment everything is still working! Not the best but it's Doing!#Back to the writing et al lol - It was my Big Project which I think I've pretty clearly gestured at being an Adventure Time comic lol #I have not in fact rewatched the series beginning to end since finishing it - I've watched certain episodes but not just a front to back #I think a rewatch would be very entertaining! Seeing how all the pieces align from knowing the ending going in :)#But I'm good for the moment lol - I've got enough to work on to keep me going for a while yet haha #And as always I want More More More Tamagotchis #I've got my three but I want more!#Always about money huh :P Slowly but surely

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sleepygaymerdisease · 2 months

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does anyone else ever get certain phrases stuck in their head for no reason. i dont mean like catchphrases or quotes btw i mean like original writing

#theres a few phrases lately that ive been typing out and then having to change to something else because i keep repeating it so much 😭#and like i dont show my writing to many ppl so like i know its not the biggest deal in the world but its still just like. idk.#some of my thiughts are very important to me and i cannot let them lose their potency even if i like the concepts that it touches.#i need to elaborate on it. show it in a different light. use different phrasings. get into the specifics. like.#as much as i like certain lines i cant rely on them. does that make any sense... idk. im probably overthinking this considering that i dont #rlly have like any big major projects with an actual tangible endgoal rn but it makes me worry for no reason anyway 💀#WHATEVER. i have sentences i like to repeat somethings thats all i had to say rlly #also wow its pretty late huh i should sleep or something #anis gaymer moments

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taexual · 6 months

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bruh, i am apply for MSc in Criminology and Criminal Justice and have got some offers too. if you don't mind sharing, why did you hate taking criminology?

it just wasn't for me! it's an underdeveloped discipline in my country, so no one really knows what a "criminologist" is, and i don't care enough to prove myself. i'd rather do something else anyway

but if it's something you have a genuine interest in, then by all means, do pursue it! it's tough, but if you have motivation, you can absolutely excel in this field 💜

#ask #99liners #it depends on the person a lot #like how much you care and how much effort you want to put into it #it was grad school in particular for me that made me realise that huh i really do fucking hate this!#but i have issues #so i couldn't drop out #and i suffered just for the sake of getting through it #and not bc i actually wanted to do this #but if you are interested #and if you know how to manage your time #and the uni you're considering does actually offer a decent program #then this can be a whole different experience for you!!#i had some good moments & experiences too so it wasn't just pain all the time #but it was tough and i made it harder for myself with my own expectations for my results #and the fact that i hated it lmao #another thing to consider is that grad school for me was very research-oriented #meaning they wanted us to write papers & participate in a lot of research projects #instead of being more practical?#and obviously the theoretical concept leads you more towards studying for a phd later on #instead of finding a Normal Job like Everyone Else #so take that into consideration when you're applying for sure!! just think what you'd like to do with this degree #and if grad school would help you get to that point

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bigcats-birds-and-books · 4 months

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i very much do not need to be coming up with a preliminary cast for a book i know nothing about and will not write until november at the earliest, but HERE WE ARE, I GUESS,

#text #personal #writing #nano2024 #do i have a project title yet??#no absolutely not. therefore. idk how to tag this #fuck me im gonna have to come up with a title #and like. humans. in this haunted house fucked up shit happens in space but we dont know its space book.#i do however now have:#two cats #a geriatric goldfish #a sourdough starter #and an aggressive mint plant #so really what more do i need #this is what happens when my brain rubberbands back from nano cooldown #its a good sign i think!!#but what the hell man this is not on the radar yet 😂#oh i should put this in the bitch journal huh

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severeweatheralert · 7 months

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Far superior new Long way home AU draft is at 4k gang :)

#i just added it to my deadline schedule because it wasn't getting done as a side project #so. late next week? Maybe? this month anyhow #think the draft's about halfway through but I'll have a lot of writing time soon so #also i reread most of the LWH in two days and huh. its like this author knows exactly what i want in a slowburn #so i hope i still have the characterization straight

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padfootastic · 2 years

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#i don’t think i can overstate how much i hate the ‘poor reggie forced into bad things :(‘ take lol#i mean. i get that it’s probably the only way people who don’t like dealing w complexity can make sense of this ship#which like. fair i guess. but they’re also often the loudest in the fandom and that’s when i get annoyed

literally taking words out of my own mouth. and yknow, i love jegulus actually, but what i love is the opposite dynamic that you could never get with prongsfoot, the "running into each other in the battlefield from opposite sides" kind of drama and the way they really force each other to get out of their comfort zone and confront their biases. and i swear i can't read 90% of todays jegulus fics for this exact reason it drives me insaneeeee

(also the best kind of jegulus (and the only right kind) is the one where both of them would still choose sirius over each other)

(also how are your tags always better than the actual post asfjk)

i’ve read exactly two jegulus fics i like so far. i don’t think it’s a surprise to anyone that both of them have sirius as a central character who’s in the know about the relationship since the beginning lol (it’s this and this) sadly, i don’t think either of those are angsty enough for ur tastes :p

also gosh yes!! i think, of all we know about them, one thing both of them would be agreed on is that sirius is no. 1. like even in a war setting for example, where they’re both on different sides, i can see them meeting clandestinely just to come to the mutual conclusion that no matter what happens, sirius does not get hurt. but also, the possible flip side of that is so much angst. jealousy, bitterness, possessiveness—both of them want sirius’ attention in different ways and there’s resentment between them for the longest time because of it. reg because he thinks james stole his brother and james because he thinks reg could’ve done more to protect him/doesn’t like how his actions hurt sirius.

i think james’ black and white morality would also play a big role here. in his mind, regulus should’ve chose sirius above everything else. his actions of siding with his family would read as betrayal to james who has no patience for that or anything that hurts sirius. he doesn’t care for the complexities and nuances that reg’s life is probably made of.

on the other hand, i think regulus would also be at least a little aware of that fact? and he’d hate the fact that james has it so easy. not just in terms of obvious privilege (which the blacks do too) but also like, how easy it is for him to be brave and moral and good when regulus has to claw his way out to achieve some semblance of balance in his life. james’ judgement seems not just hypocritical but also unfounded for him, because james has never had to fight against the kind of pressures he had. and he knows, deep down, where j is coming from too which makes him even more angry at the whole situation.

i can see both of them hiding this animosity from sirius for the longest time, because they know he wouldn’t like it, at all. he puts up this front that he doesn’t care about his family but he does, and james doesn’t wanna make that anxiety worse. no one can be blind to how close sirius is to james, def not regulus, so he puts up the bare minimum effort into making sure he doesn’t show more hostility than required. also,,,,i think both of them might have this latent fear that if they force sirius to choose, they might be the ones left behind? like,,i don’t think sirius will actually do that but it’s an irrational anxiety that they do not wanna materialise under any circumstance so they try their best to make sure it never happens.

and sirius would be the impetus of change for both of them, in my mind. they’re a package deal on both ends so they have to learn to, like u said, confront their biases. i genuinely think sirius is central to a jegulus arc so seeing him cut out or turned into the villain or used only as a wolfstar puppet just really, really enrages me lol

#sirius black #regulus black #james potter #i’ve realise that one of my biggest plot peeves is when james or regulus hide it from sirius #like. i get why it needs to happens i rly do #but it messes w my idea of j & s which is that they tell each other everything in all universes #and james wouldn’t knowingly do something (esp of this magnitude) that would hurt sirius #and this scenario has both of those #so no hate against people who write the trope—i just can’t personally read it #also the tags thing. i am not exaggerating when i say they’re my fav part of tumblr lol #they’re just so?? convenient??#i don’t have to form full sentences #i can just word vomit whatever i want w/o worrying about coherence #and it looks good too #win win situation all around #i cannot believe i talked so much about a ship i barely even think about lol #i really can talk out of my ass about anything huh #i love how much i’m projecting my love for sirius in this lmao #no wonder i can never find decent fics to read any more #bc who tf would write stuff like this thwt specifically caters to me and my niche interests? 💀#pen’s asks

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