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youcantrewind · 2 years

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Croya Fic!

For those who did the deep dive read on my Croya playlist, you might remember I said I was working on a lil fic for a specific spot. This started as a bit of a silly spinoff of the stormtrooper post, but morphed into something a little more serious. I’m still waiting on an ao3 account, so I’m posting it here for now so I stop making minuscule edits! (No promises: I might still make some minuscule edits.)

(Edit! Now on ao3, with... you guessed it: edits!)

(Edit Dec 14: it's now 11 chapters and a sequel haha 🫣)

Words: 5,287

Rating/Warnings: PG?? Sir, this is a fade to black household. Various alcohol references.

---

Becky wasn't paid enough for this.

It wasn't that Chandrila Starlines underpaid their staff--they were actually more than fair--it's just that this particular task wasn't really in her job description.

...was it?

'Passenger services'.

Perhaps it was.

At any rate, she was feeling vastly underpaid in this particular unique moment, as she lifted her hand and rapped on the cabin door in front of her.

A few moments passed before the cabin door slid open a crack and the face of one Lieutenant Harman Croy peered out, looking immediately cross.

"Do you know what time it is??" he questioned in his usual incredulous tone, though clearly trying to keep it hushed due to the hour.

Becky nodded, trying not to sigh. At least not externally. Customer service face, Becky. "My apologies sir, but--"

"The boys just went down to sleep," he stated, exasperated but still trying to keep to a whisper.

"Yes, Sir, but--wait... what boys?"

"The Troopers," Croy replied. "They've had a very long day."

Becky caught herself beginning to laugh and stopped it by turning it into a cough. "Ah, yes, well again, I apologize for the interruption, but I've been sent with a message for you."

His eyes narrowed, briefly shifting to her name-tag. "Becky from Batuu. What could possibly be so important that it couldn't wait until a waking hour?"

She briefly debated not telling him. It's not like she had any love for his organization, so helping out a First Order Lieutenant wasn't really anything she'd woken up expecting to do that day. But neither was she interested in denying the one who'd sent the message, because it would certainly get back to her supervisors.

And frankly, she'd kind of made a bet with Jeremy in the kitchen about how this would turn out. Now she needed this to happen or she'd be out credits that she'd rather keep.

She made the decision to spill:

"It's a message from Gaya."

Almost instantly he'd slid out from behind the door and into the hallway, grabbing her by the shoulders in excitement. "Tell me everything."

Becky decided to ignore the physical hold he had on her for the moment, as he was in a good mood now. "Sir, she wishes to meet with you."

"Me? Where??" he exclaimed, probably louder than he realized as it echoed down the hallway.

Oh yes, she was winning this bet. Take that, Jeremy. She smiled, pointing. "Just down the hall. In her cabin."

He seemed to freeze in place as he took in that sentence, his gaze staring past her at the wall. Maybe his brain has just melted, Becky thought. She'd heard of weirder things happening out there in the galaxy. She cleared her throat out loud, to remind him he still had a hold on her. "Lieutenant?"

He snapped his attention back to her. "Oh." He let go of her shoulders, brushing them off a bit. "My apologies, Becky. I thought I heard you playing a prank on me." His eyes grew serious once more as he locked onto her gaze.

"Oh it's no prank, Sir. I promise. I wouldn't do that to you." At least, not to your face...

He began walking around her, like suddenly he'd stepped into interrogation mode. "Becky from Batuu, if Gaya wished to speak with me, why would she send you instead of delivering her news to me in person?"

"Ah, she said you'd say that," Becky said, thankful to be ready for this one. "So she explicitly told me to remind you that--and I'm quoting her here, remember--... 'Gaya does not come to you. You come to Gaya.'"

His jaw clenched for a moment while he mulled over the statement, and then: "That... does sound like something she'd say..."

"She's just down there. Grand Captain's Suite on the left." Becky pointed towards the luxury rooms.

"Grand Captain's Suite??" he looked downright perturbed now. "Her entourage got a Captain's Suite, and we got this sorry state of a room??"

"Oh. No. Ouannii and Raithe both have their own rooms." She took great joy in delivering this news, despite knowing she couldn't show it.

"Their own rooms...?!" His voice got a little higher. "While the three of us are in squalor?"

It was getting even harder not to laugh. "Lieutenant, our rooms on the Halcyon are all state of the art--"

"I have to share a refresher with Stormtroopers, Becky. Stormtroopers."

"Gaya was also a planned guest," she decided to point out.

He seemed to let that comment go completely over his head as he continued: "...do you know how disgusting that armor gets in the inside??"

"You know, I've never had the pleasure, but um, Lieutenant, Sir, may I ask you a question?"

"What, Becky?"

"Are you... avoiding talking to Gaya right now?"

He gave her another perplexed look. Perhaps too perplexed. Like maybe he was pretending not to know what she was talking about. "What? Why would I..."

"Look Sir, I've delivered my message, and she's right there in that cabin," she motioned again at the appropriate door. "May I go now?"

The confused, slightly suspicious look hadn't left his face as he narrowed his eyes at her one more time, and then finally waved her off. "Fine, go. It's late and you're making far too much noise for these halls."

"Thank you Lieutenant." She decided to keep a sarcastic good night wish to herself, and quickly hurried back down the hallway, ducking into a nearby staff corridor to no longer be seen. The slingball was in his court now.

----

Lieutenant Harman Croy was left standing in a hallway alone, still processing the message he'd been given.

Provided this was not, in fact, a prank from the ship's staff, he still wasn't entirely sure of the intent behind it. The last time he'd seen Gaya that night, it had not ended on the best of terms.

He glanced one way down the hallway, and then the other, as he debated his next move. The hallway was empty, as most of the passengers had gone to bed. Those who were still up were surely the unruly types in the Sublight Lounge, and they were at least a deck away. No one was in sight.

He slid back into his own cabin for a moment, and quickly into the refresher, where he could lean against the counter and take stock of himself in the mirror out of sight. He was certain both of his troopers were already asleep, shoved in the measly bunks around the corner, but in that moment he felt the need for the extra privacy the refresher gave him to think.

"Alright Harman," he spoke quietly to his reflection. "What's going on here? What are we doing?"

He tapped his fingers on the counter on either side of the sink. If this was a prank...

No, the crew of the ship valued their jobs. Who would possibly risk throwing away such a career with a prestigious company like Chandrila all for a bit of childish entertainment? Especially when they knew that's exactly what he was on the ship to look for. Croy wouldn't put it past some of the passengers on this voyage to toy with him. He'd already seen it firsthand. But the crew... the crew would be instructed to be on their best behaviour specifically to hide the real subversion he was here to sniff out, right?

Besides, even if it were a prank, what would be the harm in knocking on Gaya's door for a chat?

"A lot of harm, actually," he spoke out loud to himself once more. "Quite an embarrassing amount."

He turned around to sit against the counter edge in thought, absentmindedly beginning to chew a nail. An unsightly habit he thought he'd eradicated in his youth, but apparently his nerves had begun to fray at a much faster pace than he'd realized.

What was it about her that made all of his trained discipline crumble so quickly?

She was beautiful, yes. Talented, absolutely. If you liked that kind of music. (He liked that kind of music.) She was...

Powerful.

And Croy was drawn to power like a moth to a flame.

She'd flaunted it in his face mere hours earlier, and there had been no denying it. She'd earned it. It was hers.

Gaya.

People flocked to that name. No organization attached.

No one heard his name and cared. His power came from the insignia on his uniform. The backup, with guns. The literal 'Power' embroidered into his left sleeve: technically the name of a great Imperial Admiral Clyss Power, but reminding him every day of a bigger picture.

Croy absentmindedly reached up to adjust his hat out of habit, forgetting he'd torn it and his gloves off in frustration as soon as he and the troopers had returned to the privacy of the room. As successful as bolting the droid had been, there'd been something about that atrium full of people mostly booing him that still managed to creep under his skin as he'd walked out of the room.

Now, he glanced at the hat where it sat in the hallway by the mirror, staring at the First Order insignia. Why couldn't these people see what he was trying to do for them? Why were they so reluctant up to the point of acting like petulant children?

His eyes shifted upwards towards the mirror, and he quickly adjusted his drooping posture. Unraveling now was not a good look, especially not for Gaya.

Gaya. She was still waiting for him.

It was now or never if he was going to investigate this message from Becky. He stepped back into the hall to get a better look in the mirror. He adjusted his jacket, straightening out what he could, and dusted off a shoulder. His hand hovered over his hat, debating.

"I didn't know there'd be men in uniform," she'd said when she had arrived on the ship. It had been flirtatious, in a somewhat lighthearted way, but had she meant it? Did she like it?

The band around his arm once again called out to him in his reflection the mirror. Power.

The hat went on his head in a quick, well-practiced motion, and he scooped up his gloves, sliding them back on his hands as he slipped out the cabin door back into the hallway.

"Alright, Becky from Batuu" he muttered to himself as he marched down the hallway. "Time to find out if you're sleeping in the brig tonight."

Finding out Gaya's room was so close to his had been a welcome surprise, though that had been nearly quashed in an instant when the irritation of finding out it was one of the big rooms got the better of him. Now, as he stood in front of the door, all he felt was nervous.

One last adjustment of his jacket, a quick pull at the collar as he started to feel a little warm, but he calmed himself with a deep breath, and then he knocked.

And waited.

He glanced side to side down each direction of the hallway once more, making sure no one was coming to further embarrass him if this was all a joke. But the halls stayed silent.

Finally, the door slid open, and his heart nearly stopped.

She had changed.

Adorned now in a white, long sleeved dressing gown with just a hint of silver trim, overtop what he could only assume was her sleeping nightgown, Gaya stood before him. Her makeup hadn't been touched yet, but she'd shed all of her lekku adornments and jewelry, save for the gold bracelet on her left hand.

It wasn't "Galactic Superstar Gaya" standing in front of him. It felt like it was closer to just... Gaya. Embarrassment set in as he suddenly realized he probably shouldn't be seeing her like this, and his face grew warm.

She smiled calmly with a hint of surprise, similar to the way she had the first time they'd met this afternoon. "Lieutenant. I was beginning to think you were ignoring my message."

Had he taken that long? How long had it taken Becky to bring him word?

"W-well, Miss Gaya you know, there are reports to file," he stammered out, trying to regain a sense of control over his own voice. She was standing before him still fully clothed. Why did it feel like she was so... bare?? "You, uh, you wished to speak with me??"

"Yes, I..." she paused for a moment, and it felt like an eternity. He wasn't sure where he should even look, so he forced his eyes to take in the inside of the cabin instead of her. There was just so much... room. "I wanted to ask you some things, away from the audiences," Gaya finally said as she turned and walked over to the small bar that the bigger rooms contained. She grabbed two metal cups and began pouring into them. "No public pretenses, or games... just an honest chat." She came back with the cups, offering him one.

He put up a hand of refusal out of habit. "I'm sorry, Miss Gaya, I don't partake in--"

"It's water, Croy," she said flatly, almost irritated. He flushed some more and quickly took the cup, staring into it. She sighed, "For all the amazing dining service this ship has to offer, the room service kind of lacks."

"Ah, yes," he agreed, flashing a smile, despite having no idea what room service was. He took a sip from the cup, jolting a little at the discovery that it was sparkling water. Why was this even allowed? He stared even deeper into the cup.

"Anyway," she continued. "About today... twice you walked out on my performances tonight. Why?"

He allowed his gaze to shift back up to meet hers. "Why... Miss Gaya, it felt very much like I was... unwanted there."

"And what gave you the first clue?"

"The insistence on 'Oola Shuka', for a start."

"A start? You choose the moment you walked out as the start of the problem?" she laughed, shaking her head a little as she went for a sip of her own water.

"Well..."

"You can come in, Croy. I don't bite."

His feet remained glued to their spot at the threshold of the doorway. "At dinner it... felt like you might."

She smirked a little, "Sometimes you've got to put on a show. I'm sure you understand. I've seen your own brand of theatrics at play."

"I don't know what you're talking about," he said, waving the cup of water around just a little too dramatically. He quickly steadied it when he realized it was about to slosh out of the cup.

"Mmhmm," Gaya nodded, one eyebrow raised. She set her cup down on the bar. "Well that brings me back around to the main question, Lieutenant: why did you return for the second dinner?"

"Well, I..."

"You knew you would likely get the same reception. Same setlist. And yet, there you were..."

"I simply enjoy you--I mean--your music, and I..."

"Would try to disrupt it again?"

He stared at her in surprise, slightly offended now. "Miss Gaya, most of our interactions were initiated by you. Or that... little guitarist's outbursts." Earlier, Croy had definitely made several mental notes to throw that kid in the brig as soon as he had the chance.

"Sandro was only defending me," Gaya said, much cooler now. "I was literally in the middle of a speech about vulnerability, Croy. Had you listened to a word of it, you might have learned a thing or two."

"My troopers arrived with news, I couldn't--"

"No Croy, it could have waited. There is nothing going on on this ship that was so pressing that it couldn't have waited while I poured my heart out to the audience. Do you understand that?"

If she only knew. "Miss--"

"Croy. Look at me."

He listened, shifting his gaze back towards her beautiful, all too serious face, as she stepped closer to him.

"There is nothing happening on this ship that is more important than me. Got it?"

There it was. That power. Galactic Superstar Gaya. He nodded, swallowing a dry lump in his throat. He lifted his cup quickly.

"Good," she snatched the cup out of his hand before he could bury his face in it once more, and turned to put it down next to hers on the counter. "Now, we have got to do something about that dancing of yours."

"My dancing??" he frowned. "What was wrong with my dancing?"

"Only that it looked like you'd never danced in your life."

That wasn't far from the truth. It had been a very long time. "I don't... typically dance, no. I don't see the point."

"Let me guess," she leaned against the bar. "The First Order forbids it."

"It's certainly... not encouraged."

"Right. No fun allowed."

"That's not true," Croy insisted. "Good hard work is fun! And... I may have had some fun tonight."

"Until 'Oola Shuka'."

"Until you intentionally played a banned song to run me out twice, yes."

"It's also my top hit," she pointed out. "Why would I deny my fans my most popular track just because you are in the room?"

"Because it's the law," he stated.

"Not my law," she said. "Not my homeworld's law. And certainly not the law on this ship."

"I am the law on this ship."

"No, Lieutenant. Captain Keevan is."

He scoffed. "Not for long."

She rolled her eyes, putting up a hand to stop him. "Alright, before you start that talk, I'll need to track down something stronger. But hey, if you're not going to acknowledge 'Oola Shuka' because someone told you you're not allowed, do you have your own favourite?"

"Favourite... of your songs?"

She nodded, waiting.

He took a moment to mull over the thought. His favourite song? Most people didn't ask him his favourite anything. One typically didn't discuss hobbies with their fellow officers. Hobbies were wasted time.

He thought about the songs he'd already known before that day: the ones that he'd heard enough to make him a fan before she'd even stepped foot on the ship. Gaya's setlist that night had covered most of them, or made him appreciate others in a new way. As awkward as it had been, he certainly now had a memory attached to 'Rockstar Queen'. A few of the other songs had been enough to get him toe tapping, and at least one had him singing along before he'd caught himself. But, one...

"Would you like my honesty?" he asked, wringing his hands a little.

"Of course."

"I think that 'Poverty of Love' is one of your best."

Her brows lifted, and her posture straightened, even while still leaning on the counter. "Oh?"

"It's, ah... more real," he tried to explain, without really explaining. "More..."

"Relatable?" she inquired, suddenly seeming more curious. "That's interesting..."

A noise down the hallway gave Croy pause, and he glanced over to see a late hour passenger headed their way. Instinctively, Croy spun on his heels to face the hallway, and tried to fill up as much of the doorway as possible. As the person approached, he recognized the man as one of the loyalists who'd greeted him with a hearty handshake early in the day. Croy wracked his brain trying to remember the man's strange Earth name, and the passenger gave him a sloppy salute on approach.

"Cap'n."

Croy decided not to correct him, partially because 'Captain' was technically a higher rank, but also because the man had clearly had too many in the Sublight Lounge. "Ah, Stewart! Staying vigilant I see?"

"Y-you got it... cap'n," he slurred as he wobbled passed, headed for his cabin. He'd barely even looked towards them as he continued down the hallway, but Croy specifically

shifted his body along with him to stay in front of his view.

Croy waited until Stewart had disappeared into his cabin before shaking his head and turning back around. Gaya was still leaning against the bar, now looking amused.

"What was that?"

"What?" he asked, confused. "The drunken loyalist? A perfectly good reason why I don't imbibe in frivolous drinks, that's what."

"No, what were you doing there? Earlier in the day, I certainly didn't get the impression that you'd be scared to be seen with me," she smirked, pushing off the bar to step towards him once more. "In fact... Raithe had to shoo you a few times."

"You know, you should have a talk with your employee," Croy agreed. "He needs to know his place."

"He's only doing what I've asked of him," Gaya countered. "At my status, it's common to have people get... clingy." She reached over and peeled a fuzz off his sleeve. He might have stopped breathing, but she asked once more, causing him to snap his focus back to her voice. "So, what was that in the hall?"

"W-well you're not..." he searched his mind for the right word that wouldn't cause offense. He decided to start over. "I only wished to protect your modesty, Miss Gaya."

A smile crossed her face that was hard to read. Something akin to the way one would react to a child who had just said something ridiculous, liked maybe she was trying not to laugh. Whatever she was thinking, it made him regret his words immediately.

"I'm sorry, I should take my leave and let you rest," he turned around, wanting to hide his embarrassment back in his own cabin.

A hand clasped onto his shoulder. "Croy."

He stopped and glanced back at her.

She sighed. "Look, we are two very different people, on very different paths that I think neither of us are interested in veering from. That makes anything between us very complicated, and downright impossible."

He fully turned back to face her, confused.

"And I don't need anyone 'protecting my modesty', alright? I can do that on my own."

Croy flushed red some more. "I apologize, Miss Gaya, I..."

"If you think a comfortable robe because I'm no longer performing for a crowd is immodest--"

"I misspoke. That wasn't what I--"

"Croy just... shut. up. while I'm speaking or I'm going to change my mind."

He shut his mouth. Change her mind about what?

She took a deep breath, seeming to recollect her thoughts. "It wasn't needed, what you did. But however misguided... in its own way, it was sweet."

What? What?? His pulse pounded in his head now.

"This wasn't my intention when I originally asked to speak with you, but..." She reached up to play with his lapel, just a little. "I'm going to give you a onetime offer. Take it or leave it. You won't get another chance, understood?"

"I-I definitely do not understand..." He admitted, and that was mostly because it was growing more difficult to register words. He continued to stare down at his lapel long after her hand had retreated.

"Harman, look at me."

His name? His... first name?? He forced his eye line back to meet hers.

"You can turn around and go back to your cabin, get a good night's rest, and we'll forget this even happened."

"...o-?" he squeaked out. He quickly cleared his throat, and tried again. "...or??"

"Or..." she turned away from him, headed for the couch in front of her cabin's viewport. "You finally step in my damn doorway, and shut the door behind you." She sat down and looked at him, expectantly. "And tomorrow morning, we forget this even happened."

Had time stopped? He was pretty sure time had stopped. His breathing certainly had. Maybe even his heart. It was the only reason he could even fathom that a thousand thoughts were burning in his skull at the exact same time, but there was certainly no way to register what any of them were.

"Harman?"

He jumped, pulled back to reality by another use of his first name.

"I know it's forward of me," she admitted. "I won't judge you either way. Just make a damn choice for yourself for the first time in your life, while my offer still stands."

He stared at Gaya just a little while longer, taking in the image of her sitting on the couch, waiting. The beautiful violet shade of her skin seemed even more vibrant than ever, and her eyes were so expectant, watching him, waiting...

He took a step forward.

He slid the door closed behind him.

And he slammed a finger onto the Do Not Disturb button by the door.

Around the corner of the service corridor where she had hidden herself to wait, Becky excitedly pulled out her datapad, and shot a quick message to Jeremy.

'You owe me 50 credits.'

-----

-A few days later-

Lieutentant Harman Croy sat alone at the bar, staring into a glass of water. He wasn't even sure why he'd come here, only that he knew he needed to be out of the First Order headquarters for a breather. While the Halcyon investigation was still going on, after everything that'd happened the place had begun to give him an anxiety he could not describe. Like the walls were closing in around him, and he was running out of time.

He'd been so close. A promotion surely would have been in his hands. He had been right, after all. He'd sniffed out serious resistance activity for The Supreme Leader.

It wasn't his fault that Ren was so obsessed with that girl that his judgement head been in turn so clouded.

Though, maybe Croy related, just a little.

But that hadn't affected his performance on this mission, he was sure of it. He'd set out to find them, and he found them. They'd just been... too numerous than originally anticipated. People weren't fond of being treated as expendable.

Who knew?

Another feeling Croy now understood first hand.

It was probably his only saving grace that Ren had clearly also failed in... whatever was going on in his domain. There had been no reports from the Supreme Leader at all. Nothing to tell Colonel Talis what the state of the ship really was, what his orders had been, and how Croy had been forced at gunpoint to lie about both in the end.

Croy knew it wasn't to protect him. He knew now that he was insignificant to the Order. This whole thing had truly shown him that. Kylo Ren was saving himself from embarrassment by not commenting on the events that night.

But Croy knew for certain that he never wanted to cross paths with The Supreme Leader again.

"I know that look."

Frowning, Croy slowly glanced over towards the gruff voice that had interrupted his thoughts. Sliding onto the bar stool next to him was an older man, probably in his seventies, his white hair continuing down his face into a pair of large scruffy mutton chops.

Ignoring Croy's immediate disdain, he continued: "You look like a man whose world view has been shattered. Though most of us do it with something stronger than... is that water??"

Croy clenched his gloved fists against the bar counter. "I made a solemn view not to imbibe until--"

"Yeah yeah," he waved him off. "Bartender: a tall one for the poor lieutenant, on me."

The bartender nodded and got to work on a new drink. Croy rolled his eyes, moving to stand up, but a strong hand clasped onto his shoulder.

"Hold on there, son."

"Sir, do I know you??" Croy asked in annoyance, trying to shake off the man's hand.

"No. But I know you." The old man said. He glanced around the room for a moment, and then back at Croy, quieter this time. "Keep this on the down low, but I'm a former Imperial myself."

Croy wasn't sure why he wanted it to be a secret, but he nodded slowly. "Well... thank you for your service."

"Hell no," the man gave a disgusted look. "It's not something I've been proud of for decades. It took me too many years to realize the mess I'd signed myself up for. Too many terrible mistakes. Until finally... I looked a lot like you do, right now."

"Respectfully, Sir," Croy finally got up fully from the bar stool. "You don't know a thing about me. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to return to my office." He turned to leave.

"What's their name?"

Croy stopped walking. He glanced over his shoulder. "What?"

"What is their name?" the man repeated. "The one who has you sitting in a bar contemplating whether you ever want to put that ugly uniform on again?"

He spun back on his heels. "Sir I've given my heart and my soul to The First Order. If--"

The older man nodded, as if in agreement. "And there lies the problem."

We are two very different people, on very different paths that I think neither of us are interested in veering from.

Croy shook the memory from his head and then scowled. "We're in First Order jurisdiction on this planet, old man. I could arrest you right now for this treasonous conversation."

"But you won't," the man said as calmly as everything else he'd said that night. He reached for the drink that had been freshly dropped off--something bright yellow, with flecks of red floating in it--and held it out to Croy. "Because you know I'm right."

"Sir, respectfully, I do not want that drink." Croy finally snapped at him.

Croy's hands curled into fists at his sides, simply staring the other man down.

Just make a damn choice for yourself for the first time in your life.

The older man sighed, relaxing his arm.

Then, Croy pointed at a nearby customer who was sipping something blue. "I want one of those ones. Whatever it is, it looks less like it'll kill me."

The man smirked, waving the bartender over once more as Croy slid back onto the barstool next to him. "That's more like it," he said. "One of those sparkly things please, barkeep."

Croy sighed. Was he really doing this?

The older man took a swig of the yellow drink. "Jokes on you, the blue one's probably stronger."

"What!?"

"The prettier it is, it tends to... hide the pain longer."

"Well, isn't that relatable," Croy said dryly as the new drink was slid in front of him.

The mutton chopped man laughed a bit, just a gruff little chuckle. "See I knew there was someone. There's always... someone."

"You wouldn't believe me if I told you," Croy muttered.

"You'd be surprised what I'd believe. Bottom's up," he waved his glass a little, and then leaned back a bit as he took a much bigger swig this time around.

Croy lifted an eyebrow at his own drink now, and then glanced at the bartender. "You wouldn't happen to have a straw, would you?"

The barkeep's response was an unimpressed dead stare back at him. "No."

"Oh, alright. One last question: I couldn't help but notice your DJ droid in the corner there seems to be stuck in a loop of Figrin D'an on repeat--"

His new companion put his now nearly empty glass on the counter in surprise. "Hey, 'Mad About Me' is a damn classic."

"It's a bit stale after 10 plays in a row, don't you think?" Croy asked, finally lifting his own drink.

"Ya got a better suggestion?" asked the barkeep.

Croy smiled over the rim of his glass. "Let's try 'Oola Shuka'."

#croya #lt croy #lieutenant croy #gaya #galactic starcruiser #fanfiction

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foggyparadisecandy · 6 months

Text

Foggy 2.0

Just a recap of the good things that have happened in the last two+ months since my partner split.

It's been a lot tbh ...

I've reconnected with RL friends that I have not seen since pre-COVID. I forgot how fun some of these idiots are. lol

I've made a crapton of new friends online. I love hearing people's stories and ... ngl ... damages. I feel comfort in other people's pains and struggles. It makes me understand that we all have challenges. Life goes on.

I've met a very special, interesting woman who is combination supportive and challenging - calling out my bullshit one moment and encouraging my insanity the next. Who could ask for anything better from a friend?

I lost ten pounds ... somewhat unhealthily at first because I wasn't eating ... but it's all good. I wanted to get a bit thinner so ... yeah! I'm happy about this for the most part.

I have recharged my work life for the first time in a decade. Still got some ways to go but I've set a huge goal for next year and my goal is to knock it out of the park. I want to make a shit ton of money to create some sort of trauma relief or self-help resources for hurting people. Possibly military specific resources. Not sure yet. I have time to figure it out.

I'm sorting through parental damages that have plagued me my entire life. IDK if this will ever get sorted - it's been in me for a long time but I'm going to do my best to process it in a healthy way so I can minimize the damages and recognize the symptoms of unhealthy behaviors. I've been pretty low on myself my entire life lol ... "low" is an understatement. haha. Either way ... working on it now!

I'm exercising a good amount. It's kind of boring but also ... I find it to be meditative when I get in the zone. Plus I'm seeing muscles that I haven't seen for a looooong time. lol. I'm not vain but it does help with my self-confidence to feel in a decent shape.

My home life isn't better necessarily but there is a lot more transparency and open-ness. Honestly this hasn't been on my top 10 things I've even given a shit about working on for a long time. Still isn't. There is more to life than mere existence, dear readers. It's ok to want more and be honest with yourself and your partner(s).

I've been more open with people about my pain and depression. I've made some strong connections with people who have taken my authenticity as an opportunity to express their own challenges. I think mental health is a dirty dangerous secret and I'm ok with putting it out there and giving people the courage to do the same.

I've gotten to know a lot more about myself through reading and talking with a lot of those damaged folks I've met online and in RL. lol. I am learning new things all the time - really stretching myself to grow and evolve. Hard fucking work and I have a long way to go but ... I really am enjoying it.

I feel ... stronger in all ways. More capable. More clear-headed. I have desires like I haven't for a very long time. Desires to achieve more with my life. Do more. Help more people. Make a difference.

I feel better about myself and who I am. No matter what struggles I have with self-image, it's been ... heart-warming ... to hear people tell me about kindnesses small and large that I've done for them over the years in an effort to remind me of who I am. It's ... IDK ... I guess karma is a real thing. I'm a pretty kind and nice person and I've put out a lot of love to people in need. I didn't do it for gain, but it sure is nice to hear people paying it back and giving me ego boosts here and there.

I love and I forgive. I am working on setting boundaries - I don't understand them. I know that. But also I'm talking with my therapist about figuring out a balance here. If I choose to love you, I'm going all in and loving you hard. I'm ok with being kind and supportive. I'm ok with forgiving those I love. I feel they deserve it and I think too many people haven't had enough love or forgiveness in their lives. I don't see my approach as weakness. It's strength.

I was blessed by being part of my former partner's life for as long as she allowed it. It was fucking amazing. She was so open and lovely about everything. Open to trying things. She taught me so much about myself and life. It's funny ... she always had the control ... I knew that and ... as much as it hurt me the way she exercised it (she could have done it differently fr but I forgive 100%) ... I hope she understands it and it gives her comfort - she has power and control even in the submissive role in a relationship. Good thing to keep in mind.

I was blessed that my partner was so brave and strong and showed me how someone with such a tough start to life could perservere and rise to the occasion. It inspired me tbh. It's one of the primary things that made me fall for her. Yeah ... she's got some work to do ... who doesn't? But she's got the core characteristics to succeed in life. She'll go far. I believe in her.

I was extremely fortunate that she reached out and helped ease so many of my fears over her well-being. I honestly can't thank her enough. I feel a million times better. My worry for her was crushing me. My worry that I had hurt her. My worry that she would be killed. So many small worries that she put to rest. I know how hard that was for her to do. She confirmed my belief in her character - even if she probably still doesn't see what I see. I have faith that if she keeps going, she'll get there. I believe in her. Yeah ... I repeated that. My blog so ... suck it.

I 100% Achievements on Binding of Isaac. There were 99 Achievements - I'm taking this as a win! I had started playing this right before the split and I couldn't find the motivation to start a new game so this was a good one to be immersed in ... 400+ hours to distract myself from stuff. Good times.

There's dozens of other small things, here and there.

I won't go so far as expressing gratitude for the break-up but I feel that it's woken me up to more possibilities in my life and ... yeah ... fuck it ... I guess there is some gratitude in there after all.

I'm ok with that.

#catharsis #self love #self care

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thatsabingo · 7 years

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I got a Tarasenko jersey for $20 today!

#my manager like bombarded me this morning telling me about it #so I guess I've made my interests clear to those at work haha

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randomshyperson · 3 years

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Left Behind - Chapter 6 - Once a Promise, Always a Promise.

Gif was made by my official gif maker friend @abimess

Summary: The one where you lived in the apartment under the Maximoff family in Sokovia, or, your journey as a Sokovian civilian to Avenger.

Warnings: (+16) Violence, fighting, cursing, civil war environments, abuse of power, assault, torture, underage kissing, psychological torture, substance use, mention of assault/fighting of children, smut, kissing, teasing, insinuation of sexual and moral harassment, verbal offenses.

Words: 4.753k

A/N> It's been 84 years... I just hope someone still reads this haha Let me know what you think

All Works Masterlist || Read on AO3 || Series Masterlist

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Chapter 6 - Once a Promise, Always a Promise.

When you wake up, you get your ass beaten up by an unknown woman.

You awaken all at once, advancing against the woman who was watching you sleep. Her surprise only lasts a second, however, as the next she returns your blow and knocks you to the ground, a gun pointed straight at your face.

Wide-eyed, you realize where you are and raise your hands.

"Sorry, sorry." You can quickly. "I thought I was in the lab again. Who the hell are you by the way?"

The woman raises her eyebrow at you.

"Cap, get over here before I shoot her."

And the next second, a blond man is running into the area of the ship where you are, looking worried.

"Let's all calm down, okay?" He asks as he sees the gun extended, and waits for the woman to put it down. You sigh lightly, rising to stand up.

"I'm sorry I attacked you, Miss." You ask as soon as you are on your feet, and massage your shoulder, which hit the ground hard when she knocked you down.

"It's fine, you just got beat up anyway." She teases, making you give a short laugh.

You were about to ask if they could let you off the ship anywhere, but a low groan of pain beside you caught your attention.

Just then you noticed the man lying on the stretcher next to you a few feet away, a large wound in his rib. You are also able to notice the rest of the ship, there is a man piloting a few meters away, and two men sitting further ahead, talking to each other.

"Hey, I can help." You stated immediately, but as soon as you moved, the woman stood in front of you, looking at you with suspicion and defiance, and you swallowed dryly. "I-I can heal him." You clarified, but the woman only changed her posture when the man next to you touched her forearm.

"Can you do that?" He asks you, and you nod. You wait for the woman to take a step back to approach the man on the stretcher.

"Hey, are you guys sure of this?" The man lying down asked uncomfortably, and you raise your hands in the air.

"Hi, I'm Y/N, I won't hurt you, I promise. "You guarantee it." Can I heal your injuries?" You ask and wait for him to confirm.

The wound is deep, but you have dealt with much worse.

"How did you do that?"

"It was nothing." You say as you put your hands down. His skin was completely intact again.

"This sure is cooler than lightning, huh, Thor?" Commented the blond as he sat down on the stretcher, clearly feeling better. The long-haired man at the back of the ship looks at you curiously as he stands up, and when he notices his colleague completely healed, he looks impressed.

"This sure is an interesting skill for a mortal." He says to you, and you don't know exactly what to make of those words, but you don't have time to comment, because he is already approaching to introduce himself. "My name is Thor Odinson, god of thunder."

You frown.

"G-god of thunder?" You repeat confused. "Sorry, is that some kind of joke?"

The woman next to you giggles, moving to sit on the stretcher next to the man you healed. The blond man in front of you looks slightly offended, but his expression softens immediately.

"I understand that at first, mortals may be incredulous at such a..."

"No, I just thought the title was funny." You interrupt the blond man, surprising him. "You guys are the Avengers, aren't you? My master has already told me about you."

“Your master?”

It is the other blond guy in the blue uniform who asks. You mentally repress yourself.

"Damn, sorry." You say. "It's what I used to call the soldiers and doctors who gave me orders."

"Your files say that you disappeared in Sokovia when you were younger, and what we found at the base were the records of the experiments they did on you." He adds, and you twiddle your fingers nervously. "I just want to make sure you're not going to try to bring the plane down with everyone inside."

The attempted joke is enough to make you smile, but you are beginning to feel overwhelmed. You really were free. After all this time, the idea seemed almost absurd.

You try to control your emotion at once, and the man seems to notice, because his expression softens immediately.

"Hey, come have a seat." He asks, signaling to one of the empty chairs, and you obey. "My name is Steve Rogers, and I promise you're safe now. Hydra will never hurt you again."

You nod frantically, feeling the tears in your eyes. But you try to normalize your breathing, not wanting to cry in front of strangers.

"I'm sorry, I just... I've just been trying to get away for so long." You confess next, wiping your eyes quickly. "It's weird to think I succeeded."

"We are going back to the Avengers tower now. Is there anyone you would like to get in touch with?" He asks, and his words make your stomach sink.

"Yes." You say. "But I have no idea where they are."

"Who? Your family?"

You give a short laugh.

"Yeah, I guess so. They were..." You start trying to remember exactly. You didn't even know how long it had been since the time you saw the twins at the Hydra base. You had no idea if they were alive, but you wanted to believe they were. Taking a deep breath, you continue. "They were my friends. Wanda and Pietro, we grew up together. They... I saw them once. When I still had the serum in my head. I..."

Seeing your difficulty in organizing your thoughts, Steve interrupts you by touching your forearm.

"It's okay." He says. "We'll find the twins."

"So they really are alive?"

Steve smiles.

"Yes." He answers and you feel your body relax all at once. "They ran away, I imagine they were scared, but we'll find them."

You gasp, unable to control your tears. Neither Steve nor the rest of the Avengers seem to care.

When you calm down, Steve introduces you to the rest of the team.

You are not exactly happy to meet Tony Stark. The mention of his last name makes you frown, because you know it was a Stark bomb that blew up your home at Sokovia, but when you accuse Tony, he seems really upset.

"Well, I guess you can get on the list of people who hate me then." He grumbles and you cross your arms, the whole team sensing the tension in the air.

"You could at least apologize for blowing up half of Sokovia with your weapons." You retort angrily, and the man rolls his eyes, not getting up from the armchair you were in.

"Sure, no problem. I'm sorry, kiddo. Happy?"

You clench your jaw, but before you can say anything, Steve steps forward.

"Tony, try not to be a jerk, okay?" The captain speaks and the other man lets out a wry laugh. "Have at least some respect for the girl's story."

"I have respect, Captain." He assures as he stands up, looking impatient. "What I don't have is time to revisit the past while our enemies get more and more powerful." He says and you frown in confusion. "I've already banned weapons production in the industries, and we've already taken on Hydra in that place. Now we can move on, because I need to get back to the compound and understand exactly what that thing is."

He speaks and finishes by signaling to the opposite side, and it is only then that you notice the shining scepter on the far side of the room and let out a surprised exclamation, taking three steps backwards.

"How did you guys get this?" You ask horrified and the team looks at you curiously.

"Have you seen the scepter before?"

"Of course I have!" You reply. "That's what gave me the healing! The damn stone went through my chest."

Thor steps forward, looking at you in surprise.

"So Hydra were able to decipher the scepter?

You laugh humorlessly.

"If by decipher you mean press the scepter against my chest while preening me in an iron chair, then yes." You reply, but take a deep breath to calm yourself. "A yellow stone came off as soon as the scepter touched me. And well, it went right through my skin. When I woke up, I could heal. But whatever it is, it killed all the soldiers who were holding me."

Thor seems to consider your words as Steve tells you that he is sorry for what you went through in Hydra.

Suddenly you remember where you first saw him.

"The man on the bridge!" You exclaimed, surprising him, but you were getting your memories gradually, and your heart was racing. "You are Captain America.... My god, where is Bucky?"

"Great, another fan of the metal arm." Tony comments sarcastically, but no one seems to care.

Steve looks at you with a frown.

"Is he safe? Is he free? Can I see him?" You ask promptly next, and Natasha chuckles.

"Hey, calm down." Steve asks and you swallow dryly, trying not to feel so overwhelmed with so many memories coming back at once. "How do you know Bucky?"

You blink in surprise.

"He...he didn't talk about me?"

It takes a second, and then Steve's eyes widen.

“Oh my god, you’re the guardian!

"I am what now?"

Steve lets out an incredulous laugh.

"The guardian." He repeats as if you were going to understand what he meant.

Natasha clears her throat.

"Captain, perhaps you'd better explain." She asks and Steve gestures quickly.

"We've been looking for you for months." Steve then adds, causing you to widen your eyes in surprise. "Bucky he... he's been trying to find you since he escaped. But he didn't know your name. All he knew was the nickname you got from the soldiers. The golden guardian of death. It's been our only tip to find you."

"I thought it was just golden guardian." Clint adds next, Nat makes a noise of agreement.

"No, I'm sure it was just Guardian of Death." Thor comments, but you are barely listening to the teasing, feeling your thoughts racing.

Steve raises his hands to your shoulders.

"Thank you so much for saving Bucky." He says before hugging you. You feel your neck heat up at the sudden contact, but do your best to reciprocate.

Steve lets you go then, smiling.

"He's going to be so happy to see you."

"Where is he?"

"At the compound." Steve replies. "He cannot attend field missions, it's part of the pardon. It's too much bureaucracy to explain now.."

"I think he's just lazy." Tony adds wryly, making the Avengers giggle.

And Steve's smile dies briefly.

"What's with you today, anyway, Stark?"

Tony sighs impatiently, finally rising from his armchair.

"I'm sorry if I'm not reacting in the way you consider proper captain, but I'm concerned about getting to work soon." He says as he moves toward you two. “I need to find out what this thing really is.”

"No, Stark, you won't touch this." It is Thor who announces, and all the avengers look genuinely surprised.

"I beg your pardon?" Stark retorted, but Thor didn't hesitate before he looked at you next.

"Describe to me again how you got your healing, mortal."

You sigh lightly.

"They locked me in an iron chair and brought the scepter." You narrated. "But they lie me on the chair next, and I could only feel the metal against my skin, and then I saw a yellow light. Something went right through my chest, and then right through." You say. "I blacked out for a second, the room was completely empty like a vision. When I blinked, it was back, but all the soldiers holding me were dead. And then they knocked me out."

"Before you said you saw a yellow stone?"

You nodded in agreement.

"I dreamed of this memory for several days." You clarify. "I was back in the room, but this time I watched myself. I saw when they put the scepter to my chest, and when the golden stone came out and went through my skin. It was the stone that released the wave of energy that killed the soldiers .I don't know why I didn't die too."

"A single blow that killed a group of soldiers at once." Thor mutters more to himself than to the rest of the teams. "It's decided then, no mortal must touch this. It's clearly far more power than anyone should have."

"This is ridiculous." Thor accused the next moment, making the team look at him curiously. "You can't just deny knowledge about something like that and..."

"Why are you so insistent on this, Tony?" It's Steve who asks suspiciously. Tony sighs, and gives a short laugh.

"You guys are unbelievable, you know." He says. "I'm trying to find new alternatives to our problems."

"What problems?" Steve asks with a confused grimace, and Tony rolls his eyes, looking nervous.

"Our enemies, Captain!" He snarls. "In case you haven't noticed, it hasn't been too long since we faced an army of robots coming from a hole in the sky!" He accuses. "We don't have the power to face this kind of thing. The scepter is exactly what I need to prevent the worst from happening."

"Where did that come from, Tony?" Steve retorted confused.

Stark gave a short laugh, rolling his eyes.

"I don't have time for this." He grimaced and moved to grab the scepter, but Thor stood in the way, arms crossed. "Really?" Tony impatiently charges, but Thor doesn't move. Stark clenches his jaw before declaring angrily. "I had a vision, okay? I saw all of us, defeated. Defeated because we didn't have the power to win. And I... I could have prevented it."

The avengers look as confused as you are, and remain silent. Tony sighs and runs his hand through his hair.

"It was New York again, but this time the enemy won." He continues, visually upset. When he lifted his face in Steve's direction, his look was angry, but his eyes had tears in it. "And you told me that I could have stopped it."

“I wouldn't do that.” Steve says. “If we ever lose, I wouldn't blame you, Tony.”

Tony gives a short laugh.

“Wouldn’t you really?” He retorts. “I’m pretty sure you would, cap.”

Steve takes a step forward, his eyes soften as he looks at his friend.

“I promise you, Tony. If we lose, we lose together.” He declares. “That’s what being an Avengers means. I’m sorry if I was not clear before, and made you feel any different than this or…”

“Stop it!” Tony angrily interrupts. You flinch because you think you saw a familiar red light in his eyes. “Cut this sentimental crap, Steve. I’m just trying to do what’s necessary here.”

“Back off, Stark!” You order as you noted how he has moved his wand to the scepter, he seems surprised by the action too. You move in his direction as he takes two steps back, looking irritated. You gave him no time to answer however, as you raise your hands over his head and touch his forehead with your fingers before he can complain.

Immediately, you can feel the remnants of magic on Tony's head. You don't recognize it at first, but as your own magic removes the other energy, you sigh slightly. It feels familiar, but you don't know why. The energy is still harmful though, probably due to the intention of the one who cast it, but you manage to clean it all up.

You succeed because you coordinate your magic to wipe the other energy like you usually clear and heal wounds, and it seems to work, because Tony raises his hands to your wrist, his wide-eyed eyes soften and he looks almost startled.

"I'm sorry." He asks and swallows dryly. You remove your fingers from his forehead completely, watching with curiosity. He takes a deep breath, blinking several times as if waking up. "I'm sorry, everyone, I... Damn, it was like a horrible dream. I need to lie down for a minute."

And with that he leaves.

You don't ask questions anymore, because Steve is going after him, and you are trying to figure it out why you still feel the unknown magic tingling at your fingertips, as if it is trying to merge with yours.

//-//

You cry when you see Bucky again.

He lets out a disbelieving laugh, and then he's running up, hugging you tight.

Your conversation is long and intense, and is almost mostly made up of gratitude.

The other Avengers seem very happy to see the whole interaction, especially Steve.

Tony isolates himself in his room as soon as you arrive, and Thor looks upset. He and Bruce discuss something, and then they go to talk to Tony.

You don't pay attention because you are listening to Bucky tell you about getting all his memories back, and living with the Avengers since you helped him. He was now free from Hydra's control, and was pardoned by the state on condition that he was no longer the Winter Soldier.

Nat also added in his narrative the information that he and Steve were "making fondue" and the joke made him laugh with red cheeks but you didn't understand what that meant.

You are very happy to see him, but you can't help but think that he was not the one you wanted to find when you were free.

When he introduces you to the rest of the compound, and to your room, you hug him in appreciation, and you both exchange a knowing look, finally acknowledging that you are safe.

//-//

Your first night in the compound is a strange one.

After meeting the whole team, who were polite despite having fought you a few hours ago, you received a full meal and then locked yourself in your room.

But you were not used to having such a soft bed, not even before Hydra, so sleeping seemed kind of impossible.

Figuring that the Avengers wouldn't mind you taking a late night stroll, you left your room.

"Are you lost, girl?" A female voice suddenly sounded making you jump in fright. It was Natasha Romanoff, or as she introduced herself earlier, Black Widow.

"S-sorry, ma'am." You retorted clumsily, and the woman raised her eyebrows at you. "I can't sleep."

"First, I'm not old, so don't call me ma'am." She commented wryly, and you tried to smile. "Second, I know the feeling. If you want, I can distract you."

Your last social conversation with a woman happened a long time ago, and then you find yourself asking:

"Are you inviting me to have sex?"

Nat lets out a surprised laugh, crossing her arms.

"Where did that come from?" she asks, and you scratch your neck lightly.

"Sorry, I learned how to talk to women from television shows that Hydra soldiers watched in the labs. Bad references. What did you mean by distracting me?"

Nat laughed, impressed by your words.

"I meant like have some tea and tell a story." She clarifies, not sounding the least bit upset. You put your hands in the pockets of the pajamas you've been given.

"R-right. That sounds more appropriate." You mumble with flushed cheeks, eliciting another laugh from the woman. As you begin walking side by side, she comments.

"You know, I think I'm going to have a lot of fun with you around here. You are just as awkward as Steve and Bucky."

You end up hearing a story about agents in Budapest, but it seems Nat doesn't tell the whole story. It's nice, though, you missed talking to someone.

"That thing you did earlier with Tony, that was really cool." Nat remarks after a pause in silence.

You take a sip of your tea after shrugging, but she seems inquisitive.

"How did you know it was Maximoff who messed with his head?"

You almost choke at the sudden mention of the name and Nat's watchful gaze makes it impossible to disguise. You sigh.

"I... They are my friends." You confess looking down at the cup, "Or they used to be."

Raising your gaze to Nat again, she only seems curious to know, and you shrug slightly, deciding to trust her.

"We grew up together in Sokovia." You count twirling your fingers on the handle of your cup, "They were the only family I had in the orphanage. And well, it was for them that I broke into a Hydra building."

Nat listens to your story intently, and you swallow dryly before continuing.

"When they captured me, the serum, it... well, it didn't exactly leave me conscientious." You try to explain. "It was like pushing all my memories away, my mind would become completely empty."

“"Is that what they did to Bucky?" Nat questions and you shake your head.

"No, they used electric shock on Bucky." You return with a grimace. "With me, they couldn't hurt me permanently, so they needed something that would make me obey without me being able to heal. It was like being drunk, I guess, only much worse."

“I’m sorry.”

"It 's fine.” You say with a sad smile. “I was dumb enough to go there, i knew the risks.”

“Don’t say that.” Nat asks with a serious voice. “It’s was not your fault they torture kids.”

"And whose fault is it, then?" You retorted, upset, with yourself more than with Nat or anyone else. "My friends for being stubborn idiots? Of Stark for throwing a bomb in my building? I'm tired of looking for reasons to justify what happened to me. Nothing is enough, and I just want to see my friends."

Nat sighs lightly, and raises a hand on the table to reach for yours. You want to hold back the tears, but they are already falling before you can do so.

"I promise we will find your family." She assures you tenderly, and you feel your heart soar at the possibility.

You nod in understanding, taking a deep breath to stop crying.

Nat squeezes your hand, and it takes a moment for you to speak again.

"Wanda." You begin, and almost sob. It has been a long time since you have spoken that name. "She... She must have gotten her powers the same way I did." You say trying to remember everything you witness in Hydra at that moment. "I remember the soldiers talking about the twins being the only ones to survive the stone besides me."

"From Shield records, we know she can manipulate energy and Pietro can run really fast." Nat informs as she releases your hand. She sits thoughtfully for a moment."Maybe because you all got the magic through the same source, you can heal what she can do to Tony's mind. But that's not really my area, maybe you should talk to Thor as well."

You sigh lightly, wiping away the remainder of the tears falling on your face.

"I will." You say. "But I want to find Wan-the twins first." You correct yourself quickly, hoping Nat doesn't notice your flushed cheeks. She does, but says nothing.

"Try to get some rest." She asks as she picks up the teacups. "We have a party coming up, and then Thor is supposed to return to Asgard. I imagine you will want to have a little chat with Bucky before you return to Sokovia."

"I would go back to Sokovia right now if you ask me." You mutter making Nat chuckle lightly. "But I don't want to disturb any of you. I've waited for a long time, I can wait a little longer."

When Nat turns around after putting the glasses in the sink, she has a soft expression.

"You are not a nuisance here, kid." She assures with a smile. "We've just been caught a little by surprise with a new person, but it will be a pleasure to help you find the twins." She says and then has a mischievous expression. "I shouldn't tell you yet, but Steve is pretty excited about the whole thing. He wants you and the twins to join the team eventually."

"Really?" You ask in surprise and Nat just mumbles in agreement, still smiling.

She turns around on the countertop and before she leaves, she turns to you.

"If you ask my opinion, you seem to care a lot about both of them." She says. "I think that no matter how much time has passed, or if they are fighting on opposite sides, she will be happy to see you."

You swallow dryly, looking away.

Nat smiles one last time before leaving and you twiddle your fingers nervously, sitting for a while at the table before returning to your room.

With much to think about, you are surprised that you fall asleep almost instantly as you lie down.

//-//

The Hydra serum is still in your system.

You realize it in a rather embarrassing way actually.

After waking up on the couch, you went to the kitchen.

Bucky tells you that all the team is having a meeting and they will join you two soon, so you just lay against the wall while he reads the newspaper out loud for you.

The Avengers stay in the meeting room for a long time, and don't seem very pleased when they leave, but Tony seems intrigued.

You are surprised that he comes to talk to you as soon as he sees you.

"I didn't thank you for yesterday, kid." He says with a smile. "Whatever you did took away that bad feeling. Now I can work without having to hide that I'm trying to help."

You didn't quite know what to respond, but it didn't matter because Tony was patting you on the shoulder before smiling contentedly at the rest of the team.

"While I figure out a way to decipher the stone, which won't be hard since I'm incredibly smart." He begins his speech, causing the group to let out debauched laughter. "You guys can get busy with whatever old people do for fun. Except you Thunderlord, I'm going to need your help in the lab."

"Wow, Tony Stark asking for help." Thor teases and you watch the interaction with a smile on your lips, moving to join the table. "What a little magic doesn't do to your head, heh?"

"Don't tease me, Thundercat. I'll throw you out of this building, and you won't get any breakfast." He says with false seriousness and you laugh lightly as you pour yourself a cup of coffee. "Hey, kid, give me some too?"

"Ja, Master." You respond mechanically, perhaps even a little sleepily. The Avengers look at you with curiosity and confusion as they see you mechanically pour the coffee, and hand it to Tony, who looks shocked.

"He is not your master, kid." It is Natasha who breaks the silence, and you blink in confusion looking around for a moment.

"R-right." You say. "Sorry about that, Tony. Old habits I guess."

Tony thanks you for the drink, and you think the subject is going to die, but then Natasha keeps looking at you.

"Hey, Y/N, come over here." She asks and you move immediately. Shit. Natasha raises her eyebrow. "Take two steps to the left." Your body obeys. “Now to the right.” She asks and you obey again. This is terrible. The widow looks at you impressed.

"That looks bad." Tony quickly mocks before waving for Thor to accompany him to the lab, justifying that they should get to work soon.

Nat continues to look at you incredulously, but then Steve gets up from the table as well and snaps his fingers in front of your eyes, making you jump in fright slightly. He assumes a worried expression afterwards.

"You are obeying our orders as if we were your masters." He says. "Let's go see Bruce in the lab, he'll want to run some tests."

When you reach the lab, and Steve explains to Bruce what happened at breakfast, you are not surprised that he puts needles in your arm. You hope the news will be good when he finishes assessing your blood.

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Tag List> @imapotatao / @aimezvousbrahms/ @ensorcellme/ @helloalycia || @mionemymind / @abimess / @stephanieromanoff / @yourtaletotell / @tomy5girls / @justagaypanicking / @thegayw1tch / @idek-5 // @myperfectlovepoem // @helloalycia // @ENSORCELLME // @aimezvousbrahms // @drpepperobsessed // @sighsam // @olsensnpm // @sxfwap // @table57 // @madamevirgo // @causeitswhatjesuswouldfreakingdo // @emptysince18x // @xastrydx || @yuhloversxx || @ymzki-haruki || @wouldirunofftheworldsomeday || @lostandsearching || @lezzzbehonesthere || @musicinourlips || @chaekhan || @diaryoflife

#wanda maximoff fanfiction #wanda maximoff x reader #wanda maximoff x yn #wanda x reader #Left Behind #wanda maximoff #avengers fanfic #avengers x reader #bucky barnes x reader

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yourheartonfire · 3 years

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From @ciraceru:

Hey! I love your work! It inspires me a lot. Here's a prompt for you:

For the goody-two-shoes the hero is, his real identity is total the opposite. With the tattoos, piercings and dimples, he looks more than a bad boy in his motorcycle than a hero. The villain, with his impeccable good boy look, is stunned.

Thanks for the prompt, it was fun!

"Can I help you?" the girl at the counter said with a raised eyebrow and a sneer. "Wait, let me guess. Nipple piercings?"

"Haha," the villain said with a sneer right back at her, though not without a pang of regret for his outfit. He'd built his whole civilian persona to be buttoned down, professorial, non-threatening. He had not expected to need to look like the kind of person who visited a tattoo parlor. "I'm looking for, ah..." He made a point of checking his phone, though he knew damn well the name he wanted. "Travis?"

A voice floated out from the back hallway. "Back here! That my three o'clock?"

"No, I didn't-" the villain started to say. Then the figure in dark tank top and jeans came bounding in and the villain's mouth went dry.

It was the hero. The villain was sure. Height, weight, stance, all a match. But never, never had the villain imagined his goody-two shoes nemesis to have skin swimming with ink. It was a riot of color and shape down both arms and up his neck - mostly flowers and animals. The villain picked out a koi, a peacock, a heron -

The hero cleared his throat politely and the villain snapped his eyes back up, his own face feeling uncomfortably hot.

"Sorry," gulped the villain, trying not to stare at the little rings through the hero's right eyebrow. "I didn't think to call ahead. I'll go, and call back - "

"Nah. It's your lucky day," the hero said cheerily, reaching up to a shelf over the register and oh my, weren't those jeans tight. The villain swallowed. "Unless my guy gets here in the next 4 minutes, looks like I'm all yours for the hour."

"Yay," the villain said weakly. The girl behind the counter snorted but the hero - Travis - gave her a long-suffering look, turned to the Villain with an encouraging smile.

"First time?" he said. The villain spread his hands, certain another word would give the whole game away, so out of his depth was he. But the hero kept smiling, spreading a pair of binders across the counter.

"This is my book," he said, close enough to brush the villain's arm as he flipped through the loose leaf pages. "You're free to look through, get ideas."

"God, this is beautiful," the villain blurted out. The hero looked taken aback, but the villain couldn't help it. The binder was a combination of ink and watercolor illustrations, side by side with photos of the final tattoos. Fanciful animals and plants danced within geometric shapes that looked familiar... "Is this a rainforest inside the structural formula for air?"

"Well, yeah," the hero said, again sounding taken off guard. His was looking at the villain now. Really looking. With interest. "It is. Not many people get that one. Are you a chemistry prof?"

"Nope," said the villain and picked up the second book to look through. He could feel the hero's eyes boring into the side of his head, the heat of the bare arm just a few inches from his own. The villain kept his head down and gave him nothing.

"Do we... know each other?" the hero said slowly. "I've got the weirdest deja vu."

The villain glanced up with a friendly chuckle. "I get that all the time. I guess everybody knows a short guy with glasses."

The hero cleared his throat - and the door blew open with a clang. "Tray!" wailed the man in the doorway. "I'm so sorry- you wouldn't believe the day I've had!"

"Ah, you just made it," the hero said, bouncing over to envelop the intruder in a hug that made the villain feel suddenly and for no particular reason at all madly jealous. "Go on back. Hey, I'm sorry," the hero said, turning back to the villain with a genuinely regretful look. "Rain check?"

"Get his number," called the girl at the counter. Somewhere in the last two minutes, her smirk had gone from hostile to gleeful, as she grinned at them both. "So you can reschedule," she said sweetly.

"Yeah!" Travis brightened, grabbed a brightly colored card of the counter. "My number. And my Instagram's there too. You know. If you wanna see more of my stuff."

"I do," the villain said, staring at the card as Travis- the hero- disappeared into the back. After a second, the girl at the counter slapped down an appointment book with a bang.

"How about I schedule you that consult now?" she said, smirking broadly. And, god help him, the villain said yes.

#my fiction #heroes and villains #villains and heroes #hero x villain #tattooed hero x nerdy villain #100 #300

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lokigodofaces · 2 years

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Okay, I know I've made it clear that I think Star Wars was overall screwed over more than Loki/Marvel, but Marvel did take the incest route and run with it. Long post with pics, so I'm putting a cut to make things more convenient :)

In Star Wars we have the obvious issue in Empire Strikes Back...

And the commonly forgotten about kiss in A New Hope

And another one

And here's at the end of Empire

Bam, four kisses between these two when they are love interests. Very fun. And while the fandom jokes about these, especially the one at the beginning of Empire, none of us care. Because it never went farther than this, and Luke, Leia, the actors, and George Lucas himself did not know they were twins.

How is that possible? There was no plan when the OT was made. Pretty much everyone thought A New Hope would flop, so no plans for sequels were made. And Star Wars is a huge part of why sequels to movies (not counting those adapted from books) became popular, so I don't know when Lucas decided to make a sequel. And Empire could have flopped too. Lucas made things up as he went, but he stuck with the narrative pretty well, which is why the OT is so good despite no planning. But up until Return of the Jedi, Luke, Leia, and Han were supposed to have some sort of love triangle thing going on. And they do in ANH and ESB. I guess Lucas wanted Leia/Han to be the endgame (which makes sense, given how things went in ESB), but Harrison Ford didn't want to come back, so Luke was kind of backup. But since they got Ford to come back, they had to find some way to satisfy the end of Luke/Leia. And a pretty good way of doing that is to make them twins!

Here are Mark Hamill and Carrie Fisher reacting to the news. Clearly, they did not know until ROTJ. These are the faces of people realizing they had filmed five incestuous kisses (the fifth was in a deleted scene). (No this doesn't matter, I just find this picture hilarious).

While they never have a conversation on screen about it, well, when they find out, you can see it in their faces. Instant regret. Because they totally kissed each other.

"It won't be easy for you to hear it, but you must." Yeah, part of that is because of tense circumstances, but Luke did just say his father is Vader and is about to tell Leia she is his sister that kissed him four times.

So then Leia is free to be with Han, no more incest, and all incest before happened before they knew, so that's on Obi-Wan for not telling Luke. Dude should have shown up the instant Leia kissed him when they were on Yavin and told them. I understand the need to hide them for their own safety and keep them separated, but that's not gonna work anymore. The only kiss they have after this is in The Last Jedi, and that is clearly not romantic. Luke is about to get himself killed, and he is saying good bye to his sister. Though, oh boy, when I first saw it, there were thousands of jokes forming in my head.

It's not a popular ship, not even in pre-ROTJ fics. It's mostly something fans joke about. Because, haha, remember that time Luke and Leia kissed? And how a bunch of people shipped them? And then it turned out they were twins? Classic!

The only other time incest really ever entered the Star Wars fandom has been through fans. There are clone/clone ships, and, basically that's shipping them with an identical twin (except there are millions of them. And, when Force Awakens first came out, lots of people started shipping Reylo. Myself and several others did not. And for me, the only reason was because Star Wars had fooled me once. After that movie came out, everyone was theorizing who Rey's parents were. And likely candidates were Luke, Leia, and/or Han. Which would make Rey Ben's sister or cousin. And after ESB, I wasn't going to ship anyone with anyone until I found out exactly who everyone was related to. I really wanted Rey to be a Kenobi (thought it would be poetic if Ben redeemed himself and then those bloodlines would be reunited with a common cause and they could kill Snoke together), but I was not risking it. And even when TLJ made it seem as if Rey's parents were nobodies, I was not risking it even still. But obviously, that's only supposed incest, and me being cautious because I shipped Luke and Leia as a kid before I saw ROTJ. Rey is a Palpatine, nothing bad here. But, well, her being a Skywalker or a Solo was a very real possibility.

And then we move on to Marvel. Now that variants keep popping up, there's some...interesting things happen. Keep in mind, I have not seen Multiverse of Madness yet. I really hope I do not have to edit this post with something from that.

First off...this....

Since Sylvie was born female, that means her and Loki don't have exactly the same DNA. But, they are probably twin-like genetically. And they both know it. This is season one. This was planned to be a kiss between to Loki variants. Which I wouldn't mind too much (if I were to conveniently forget some things) if Marvel was straight up about it. They refer to it as "self love" and try to skirt around the fact that they're genetically siblings. And, on the one hand, I could actually argue this isn't incest (I mean, if Loki has an alligator variant, clearly the variants' DNA can be drastically different. So there is the possibility Sylvie and Loki aren't sibling-like. But how are they supposed to know? Loki literally saw a video of his "true" variant who looks exactly like how he does in episode 1. He knows that variants can be strikingly similar. But, nope, never considered.

To add to this, you have the Peters interactions. Primarily this line.

So, on the one hand, Marvel is saying there is no incest in Loki. On the other hand, they're explicitly calling the Peters brothers. And, of course, this can be interpreted as brothers in arms. But it still seems a little off.

I'm not a fan of Sylki, and that is the least of my concerns (it isn't even a good friendship). I'm not a fan of incest in general myself, but, it's fiction. And Sylki fics on Ao3 are probably not going to cause real life incest. I operate on a "don't like, don't look" philosophy. I have to in order to stay sane. That's what happens when you end up in a minority group. Between being queer and my religious minority, I don't let myself look for things I don't like. The instant I see it, I block it. Because I'm not going to let myself have someone hating me for my sexuality or religion on my dash. And I do the same thing with incest. It's not my thing typically, so I don't go out looking for it or try to stop it from being made. But practically everyone that ships an incestuous ship recognizes it as incest. I mean, ask a thorki shipper. They aren't going to deny it. There may be fics of theirs where it isn't incest (they weren't raised together), but they will all admit that if there is a relationship in a universe similar to canon, it is incest. Star Wars admits that Luke/Leia is incest. Not as obvious in the films (I have a feeling acknowledging it in the movies might have bumped the ratings up from PG), but anyone that ships it or clone/clone usually admits it's incest. And then there's Marvel that can't decide. Would they call it incest if it was Pres Loki/TVA Loki? Probably. But they chose to do Sylki, and now it's not, according to them. That is my issue. I would like at least some acknowledgement.

#i have no idea why i wrote this #i'm kinda in a star wars mood i guess so i keep thinking sw #may the force be with you #loki (2021)#loki (2021) critical #sylvie laufeydottir #loki laufeyson #tva loki #again i have no idea why i felt the need to compare them but i did

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kuronanox · 3 years

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I can’t let go-Nozel

(Authors note: This may be angst or maybe not haha I've been in the mood! Also I've been a huge ass simp for Fuegoleon and Nozel! Help I can't like them both)

"I can't stand the sight of commoners talking to royals like it's their business." Nozel sneers in disgust as him, Fuegoleon and (Your Name) stood all side by side and watched the party go on in the ballroom.

"I'm basically a commoner!" (Your Name) tells Nozel with a grin as he rolled his eyes. She wore a regal dark green dress and her hair was curled elegantly. The shining gold around her neck and ears. She was definitely royalty to him.

"Adopted into royalty." He said in a matter of fact. "So it makes you royal." He adds ignoring the way she looked at him with amusement.

"You just won't admit you like a good for nothing commoner like me!" She stuck her tongue out and joined some of them into the dance floor.

"Always so harsh on your words." Fuegoleon chuckles as he watches the young teenage girl dance with some squad members.

Nozel shrugs as his braid moved along side with it. The two teens watched for a moment of silence before Fuegoleon broke the silence.

"I've been meaning to tell her about my feelings."

Nozel froze in his spot, his rival was interested in (Your Name). "Why does that matter to me." He plays it off and knits his brows growing bitter after each minute passes.

"I was just going to ask how you felt since she is technically a commoner... not that it matters to me." Fuegoleon adds with a smile of warmth staring at her as she smiled back at him with a grin and she slightly lost balanced but laughed it off.

Nozel felt jealous of how fond they were together. "I don't care what you do in your love life. It doesn't concern me."

Nozel was staring into space as he heard a knock on his office door. "Come in."

"Im sorry I needed advice." The Crimson Lion Captain says in a rush as he took a seat across from the desk. Fuegoleon looked as if he was sweating a ton and he didn't sleep that night.

"What is it?" Nozel sighs and signs off some papers he still hadn't finished.

"(Your Name) is back and I don't know what to do! I mean we've been together since we were 18 but I want to celebrate it! She's coming home after so many years!"

Nozel clutched his knees a bit and let go before rolling his eyes. "She should stay in that nonsense village and go live with those commoners she helps all the time." He adds with malice and a coldness that lingered in his heart.

Fuegoleon was silent before taking his leave. "I don't know why you are so bitter about her? Has she done you wrong in some way?"

"No." Nozel states and looks back up to his rival. "Many has done me wrong but I won't say to what it is... Now! I have a lot of paper work so if you wish to talk more nonsense to me I suggest to go to someone else."

"Well ...you are always welcome to visit her when she gets back." Fuegoleon invites Nozel before taking a leave.

"Nozel! Guess what?!" She cheerfully says to him as they walked around the kingdom doing small task for their captains.

"What is it?"

"Me and Fuegoleon are dating!"

He doesn't say a word and continues to walk, what could he say? Congratulations? I'm so happy for you? No he couldn't because that's not how he felt. As much as he despite the relationship he could never stoop so low to tell her how he felt now. It was to late.

"Are you happy?"

"Always!"

(Your Name) smelt the air of the Clover Kingdom and sighed in happiness. She was glad to be home again after being away for so long. After helping the less unfortunate and other villages she decided it was time to head home and be with the ones she loved.

Walking into the entrance of the the Crimson Lion base she spotted her favorite person in the world waiting with open arms.

She grinned as Fuegoleon looked back at her with longing eyes. She dropped her bags running towards his embrace. "I've missed you." (Your Name) whispers into his neck as he kissed her head. "I've missed you too love."

"It's been to long, I can't believe we lasted this long." She exclaimed as he picked up her bags from the floor. "I never doubted us." He tells her with a wink as they walked linked together into the base.

"(Your Name)!" Leopold yells running towards her with full speed and gives her a bear hug. She laughs and hugs the boy back. "You've grown little one!"

"Of course! I can't wait to show you how strong I've been!"

"I can't wait!" She says to him as he jumps excitingly like a little kid again. "Where's Mereoleona?" She adds.

"She wanted to come see you but you know she's doing Mereoleona things right now." Fuegoleon says slyly as they settled in.

Nozel frowned as he looked up to the Crimson Lion base. He really didn't want to see them together being all lovely dovey yet he missed her dearly. He was cold to her at times but he didn't know how to show he cared.

He wasn't surprised to see there was a spot saved for him at the table. They were close friends for a long time till she left to help the villages.

"Nozel!" She yells with excitement in her eyes as she rushed towards him and gave him a big hug. "I didn't know if you would show up!"

"Of course, I had to see this stupid girl after so many years away." He warmly smiled at her as she held his hands and grinned before showing him to his spot.

"I'm glad you came. She was asking for you." Fuegoleon tells Nozel with a happy smile. It was as if they were teenagers again.

"She really asked for me." He thought sadly with a warm feeling.

"I wrote letters but you never got back to me." She says as the banquet continued.

He hesitantly tried to say something before he made up a lie quickly. "I'm sorry, I don't think I ever got them."

It happened at the young age of 24 Nozel was starting to get tired of his endless emotions he felt for (Your Name). He was on a night walk to clear his thoughts when he heard familiar giggles from ahead of him.

"Stop! Someone might see us!" She tells Fuegoleon as he shakes his head, chuckles and grabs her waist to pull her closer. "Shh no one will, stop screaming then." He says as she gives him a small smirk.

"I didn't think Mr.Serious could loosen up a bit."

"Stop teasing." He blushes and kisses her cheek.

Nozel was fuming with anger as he watched the two interrupt his thoughts. He wanted to escape the two only to find them acting like children.

"Let's go home and finish this then." She tells Fuegoleon and he pouts a bit wanting to see the beautiful sky that night. Ignoring her statement he pulls her into a passionate kiss to which she returns before he nods and guides her back.

"Insufferable." Nozel says bitterly as he makes way back home with a heavy heart.

"Are you okay? You've been tightly holding your fork for a while." She calmly guides him back to reality. Nozel clears his throat and continues to eat. "I'm fine, I was just thinking about a new method to train my squad."

"Well me and Fuegoleon have exciting news! We might be trying for some kids now!"

"I get Nieces and Nephews! Woohoo I'm going to be the coolest uncle!" Leopold cheers as some fire comes off of him from excitement. "How many how many?!" He begged to know.

"As much as (Your Name) will let me have." Fuegoleon respectfully says giving her hand a light squeeze as she returned the favor.

Nozel stayed silent the whole time trying hard to be happy but nothing was working. "I just forgot I have to be up early tomorrow, I will take my leave. I give you my early congratulations." He says and walks off.

"I'll see you off." Fuegoleon says and walks side by side with Nozel. There was silence between the two and it was getting uncomfortable for the both of them to break it. "Why did you lie to her?"

"I didn't lie." Nozel grits his teeth and looks forward.

"I saw her letters on your desk before."

"Why do you care so much. We are adults now, I chose who I wish to contact." Nozel says sighing in expiratation.

"I only wish you told me how you felt about her before we got together." The older man says with guilty eyes. "I would never wish you pain even though you are my rival."

"I know you knew, I didn't think you'd bring it up."

Fuegoleon stops walking ahead and watches as Nozel silhouette disappears through the night. He truly never meant to hurt his friend and companion.

Dear Nozel,

It's been so long, I'm not sure if you have gotten my letters but I reassure you that when I get back things will go back to as when we were kids! I can't wait to go on adventures with everyone again unless I plan other things back home. The village side is beautiful, I only wished you could see it too. The grass is so green and the air is so fresh compared to the kingdom. I hope you've found someone by now, a girl that can handle that attitude of yours! Hmph I know you will make her the happiest she's ever been. Over protective, cold but caring and kind. The greatest treasure someone could have would be you Nozel. Lighten up a bit and let go. I'll see you soon.

Nozel sits on his desk reading all the letter she's ever sent him and sorrowfully burns them in his fire place. Her heart was too connected to another to see how much Nozel wanted her.

Maybe he could find someone, but you don't find love you just fall into it.

(Authors note: Angst? Also please leave some characters you would like me to write!)

#black clover #black clover oneshots #black clover x reader #nozel x reader #black clover nozel #nozel silva #black clover fuegoleon #fuegoleon vermillion #black clover imagines #yuki tabata

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the-avengers-ate-my-tongue · 4 years

Text

The Storm

Summary: You work with Jack Crawford and Alana is your cousin, both of you live together for a long time. She gets caught up with a flat tire far away and asks you to let Will in, for he's expecting her. A storm is coming, and she keeps taking longer and longer to show up. Will the universe conspire in your favor?

Pairing: Will Graham x reader

Warnings: swearing, insinuation of smut, fluff.

Word count: 4.328

A/n: I'm starting to consider changing this tumblr for a Hannibal one, mostly Will Graham, so some requests from other fandoms would be nice haha hope you enjoy reading this as much as I enjoyed writing ♥️

*not my gif

There wasn't a thing such as a boring day at the BAU.

At least not when you're part of Jack Crawford's crew. There was always an interesting case to focus on, a disfigured body to study the reason of death, it was always a thrilling hunt for evidence. The best experience I've ever had so far in my career, and I could only thank my cousin Alana for putting me on the Guru's radar. I was a great crime scene investigator, albeit a little younger than people gave me credit for. I taught people not to underestimate me over the years, though. I got here by my own effort, being a tenacious, hard-working woman who wouldn't get a no for an answer.

I got along well with my crewmates, Beverly Katz, Brian Zeller and Jimmy Price, though our relationship hardly extended for life outside work. Except for Beverly, we went out for a couple of beers sometimes, she was fun, witty and I really liked our conversations. Jack was the big boss, and that was it. I had a lot of respect for him, and I knew he didn't regret bringing me to his team, I could see it in his eyes in the first case I've got. I was very cunning when I shared my insights about the cases, sometimes I saw things no one else could, no one but…

Of course, I was far, far away from being a Will Graham. But ever since I was younger, I've had this sort of intuition that helped me to solve problems, I would solve riddles easily and when people asked me how I got to the answer, I wouldn't know the steps, I just knew deep in my bones I was right. That happened a lot when I was growing up and was even stronger now that I knew how to use it. It was some artifice of my inconscient, something I could always count on. It included everything in my life, math, logical thinking, riddles. My brain picked things I couldn't perceive clearly, bringing them to the clear waters of my conscience.

Will Graham was a curious man. He intrigued me from the very first moment I saw him at the house of one of the last victims of The Minnesota Shrike, Garret Jacob Hobbs, now dead. He was practically hiding in a corner, his eyes closed behind the lens of his glasses, dark wavy hair, jawline for days. He seemed highly focused until Beverly started to talk to him, pulling him out of his daze. He could barely look at her, or at me, and although he looked socially awkward and troubled, he still managed to look like a daydream. I studied every inch of his face, lowering my gaze when he seemed to get uncomfortable, after smiling lightly. I was a bit shy myself. I lived with Alana and, when I got home that night, I absentmindedly asked her about that curious handsome man who seemed to be out of place, yet so connected to that scene. She started to talk about him, but stopped once she noticed my interest. Then, she told me he was a very unstable person, that she wouldn't even be alone in the room with him because of her professional curiosity. As time passed and he solved more and more cases, I could see how people looked at him like an attraction of the zoo. However, not me, and later, not Beverly. Brian didn't seem to like him very much, I could see. Envy, perhaps? Nevertheless, the more I saw Will, the more intrigued I got. He avoided eye contact like the plague, but as I was always friendly and tried my best to treat him like a normal person, not focusing only on work, dead bodies and serial killers, I saw more of those beautiful blue eyes. He knew I was Alana's cousin, and I sooner realized he had a fling for her.

And boy, did that break my silly little heart. I wasn't surprised, though. Who could blame him? Alana was amazing. I never felt resentful for that, but as time passed, I started to detach from the idea of Will being somewhat more than a simple acquaintance. That afternoon, I was going home from work when I got a call from Alana.

"Speak fast, I'm driving." I said, keeping one hand on the wheel and the other holding my phone.

"You're going home? Great. I invited Will so we could talk about a profile I'm building, but I got caught up here. I already spoke to him, he's almost there, can you let him in? He said he'll wait, and I'll be home in about fifty minutes, no more than that, hopefully." She said in a hurry, and I felt my cheeks burn a little. Will and me? Home alone?

"I…" I hesitated, chewing my bottom lip nervously. "You won't be long, right? Heard on the radio there’s a storm for later."

"I won't, promise. Just let him in, he's already aware I'll take a little longer to be there. See you soon. Thanks, Y/n!" She hung up, not leaving me any time to answer. I put the phone down, still chewing on my bottom lip. I could feel excitement rising on my stomach, making me feel slightly nauseated, and noticed my hands starting to sweat.

Please. That was ridiculous. What was I, a teenager? I was a grown-up, well-succeeded woman, for God's sake. I rubbed my hands on my jeans, driving a little faster than I usually did almost unconsciously. I got home after twenty minutes, parking outside the pretty house. Will was already there, leaning against his car, so lost in his thoughts he barely noticed I'd arrived. I looked at my reflection at the mirror hurriedly, fixing my hair, pinching my cheeks to look less pale, brushing my eyebrows with my fingers to make them look neat. I wasn't even wearing any lipstick today. It had been a long day at work.

I opened the car door, exiting the vehicle, the noise from shutting the door finally bringing him out of his daze, and he finally seemed to notice me. He smiled lightly, lowering his eyes. He had his glasses on, but as soon as he saw me, he took them off, hanging them on his shirt.

"Hey, Will. I hope I haven't kept you waiting too long. There was a little bit of traffic." I justified, walking to the porch and waiting for him to follow me.

"Y/n. Not at all, I just got here. Alana explained what happened, thanks for coming to let me in. Hope I didn't ruin any appointment you may have had." He waited until I unlocked the door, and we finally were engulfed with the warm air of the heater.

"Nope, I was coming home, no appointments lost. Please, come in. I'm not sure you've ever been here before, but make yourself home." I hung my trench coat, sighing with the pleasure of being home. I loved the atmosphere of that place. "Can I get you anything? Water, soda, beer…"

"Thank you. I'm fine. And no, I haven't been here before." I held back the temptation of saying "good", biting my bottom lip as I watched him sit on the couch. I just stood there for a while, not sure of what to do next.

He frowned a little, probably thinking why I was acting so weird, and that made me nervous, because it was just an easy step to realize my silly crush on him. Did he know? What if Alana said something? Said something? For fuck's sake, he was Will Graham, he could probably see that written across my stupid face! Shit, he knows. I'm making a fool of myself. Why do I even…

"Is everything okay?" His voice startled me a little, pulling me out of my neurotic breakdown, and I wondered how my facial expressions looked. Was I blinking only one eye like the stereotyped madness of cartoons? I certainly didn't look normal. I cleared my throat, laughing lightly.

"Yeah. Yeah, I guess I'm not really used to having people over anymore. I've been working a lot lately. People are dying like flies." I sat on the armchair in front of him, sighing.

"What we do can be overwhelming sometimes. What we see every day. It just… stains you." He said, with a dark look on his serious eyes.

I nodded. I felt that way sometimes, but I was used to it. I stopped feeling that sense of inadequacy on my chest years ago.

"I guess you just begin to cope with it, though. Our brain adapts to that harsh reality. But it's always nice to vent somehow. What do you do in your free time?" I asked, wondering if I was getting too personal. Did I sound like I was probing to ask him out? I felt my face getting warm. Damn it.

Either he didn't realize, or he was just too chivalrous to point, but he didn't mention anything.

"I fish." He said, simply. I nodded with a light smile.

"And you play with your doggies." I pointed, smiling wider. I loved dogs. He'd mentioned them before, so I just brought the subject up, trying to shift the attention from me to them. Will smiled back, his eyes with a subtle glow. He really loved them, and that was so sweet. "Fishing sounds nice. Unfortunately, I could never. I'm too restless. I'd probably startle all the fish and wouldn't catch anything."

He laughed, and that was the first time I ever heard that sound coming out of him. I felt like I was someone deaf that was able to hear the sound of Mozart's symphonies for the first time, and I just knew. There was never detachment from the idea of Will being more than an acquaintance. It was tackled down inside my brain somewhere, for the brain tends to adapt to harsh realities, but it was still there, just waiting for some incentive.

"It's just a matter of training, getting used to it. I could teach you someday… if you want." He blinked a few times, as if he was surprised with his own boldness, smiling lightly. "And you? What do you do to vent?" He asked, seeming genuinely interested.

"Well, I read a lot. Maybe I could read by the riverside while I watch you fish." I said, shrugging with a subtle smile.

"It's a date, then?" Will inquired, making me mortified. Caught me by total surprise, and when I was about to say something, my phone rang.

"Excuse me." I answered the phone. It was Alana. "Hey. We're already here waiting for you."

Not that I wanted her to arrive any time sooner, but she didn't have to know that.

"You won't believe me; I've got a flat tire. There's a guy helping me out, I was lucky, I'm in the middle of nowhere. But I'll get there in about fifty more minutes, more or less. Can you put Will on the phone? I'll explain everything to him."

"Do you need one of us to pick you up? I'm sure he wouldn't mind, I wouldn't…"

"No, he's almost done. Thank you. Let me talk to Will, I'll be there soon. The storm is about to catch me, I wanna hurry."

I sighed, grimacing at him.

"She wants to talk to you." I passed him the phone, studying his expressions while he talked to her. As I looked at the window, I could see the dark clouds gathering up, making the end of the afternoon murky. The storm was about to hit hard. I could see a few thin drops of rain starting to wet the glass.

"I can stay a little longer, no problem. I'm being well attended." He traded looks with me, biting his lip slightly. "Okay. I'll see you soon, Alana."

He gave me the phone, but Alana was already gone. I put it on the coffee table, getting up.

"I think I'll pour myself some wine. Do you want some?" I asked politely. "It's one of the fanciest ones; Hannibal gave us a bottle when we dined at his house a few days ago."

"Yes. Thank you." He waited for me to come back with the beverages, and I did my best not to spill anything, sitting on the couch beside him while I gave him the glass. "So you're acquainted with Dr. Lecter?"

"Oh yeah, he's an old friend of Alana's, sometimes he invites us to dinner. He cooks the best meals I've ever had in my entire life, so I don't exactly decline the invitations. And he's one of the most brilliant people I've ever met, so it's always interesting." I took a sip of the crimson liquid, moaning low in pleasure. Good wine. I preferred a good cup of hot oolong, but it was impossible not to appreciate the quality of that drink.

A few glasses after and a lot of talks about dogs, fishing and other hobbies, he finally felt safe to bring back the topic. The rain had started really pouring, the now thicker drops hitting the windows loudly. Alana hadn't called again. It was nighttime now, the sky seeming to be darker than usual. I was low-key worried about her, but the conversation was too great to interrupt. She was a good driver. She would be just fine.

"I've been seeing Hannibal Lecter in his office. Not exactly his patient, though. A courtesy of Jack Crawford to keep an eye on the coping of my brain functions." He sounded a bit bitter, drinking a few sips of his wine.

I could see he didn't like therapy. Must be hard with someone with a mind like his.

"You know, sometimes, Alana psychoanalyses me. Like, she doesn't even notice. It's cute, but sometimes it creeps me out."

"She has a professional curiosity about me, but she's too polite and considerate to let it slip out. We've never even been alone in the same room together."

I held back a bitter comment, not wanting to talk shit about my cousin, but he saw it right through me.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to put you in a complicated position."

"I know. You're sweet." The word slipped through my tongue before I could contain it. Will blinked a few times, seeming surprised, and I felt my cheeks burn, starting to stutter. "I meant… I'm sorry, did I make you uncomfortable?"

"No, no. It's just… no one's ever called me that before." It was my time to get surprised. He didn't seem to be complimented much, and that just made me flabbergasted. I couldn't be the only one who saw how fantastic Will was.

"... Ah. Well, some people are just shy. I'm shy as hell, don't even know how I had the nerve to say that, it's probably the wine starting to kick in. Hope I really didn't make you uncomfortable, though. Don't need to be polite, it's okay to tell me."

"Actually, I'm curious to know what else you think of me. I sense it's not the only word you have to define me." He sounded bolder, and his eyes were on mine, giving me shivers down my spine.

"Well… I think you're too exceptional to be defined with a few words. You're… Kind, brilliant… I see how seeing what you see, doing what you do, how it wrecks you sometimes, and you just keep doing it because you're saving lives. That's so selfless, Will. That's…" I was going to say more, but at that very moment, a loud thunder just made the house practically tremble, and I let out a real inelegant weep, coming closer to Will and holding his arm firmly, my fingers grabbing on the fabric of his shirt. He could've thought it was an artifice to get closer to him, but he could see how frightened I was, trembling like a cornered wild little beast. I hated thunders, fireworks, anything loud. Feeling ridiculous, I released his shirt, apologizing with embarrassment.

"It's okay. It's just noise. I'm here." He put some of my hair that had fallen to my face behind my ear with such a tenderness that I felt my stomach twitch, realizing suddenly how close we were. He was looking at me as if it was the first time he was actually seeing me.

The phone rang again. Alana! I grabbed it from the coffee table, turning to face Will. He wasn't avoiding eye contact anymore, his pupils were dilated. My breathing was accelerated, and I knew it had little to do with the thunder.

"Lana, is everything okay?" I asked with genuine concern. "Are you close?"

"Ah, Y/n. I'm so sorry. I don't think I'll make it in time, I'm driving slow, the roads are slippery because of the storm and it's pretty foggy. I'll stop at a motel and spend the night, or at least wait for the storm to pass. I'm so furious with myself!"

"It's okay cuz, do what's safer for you. I'm sure Will will understand. I'll pass him the phone." I gave him the phone and he talked to Alana for a few minutes, but I wasn't listening. She'd ruined the moment unintentionally, and now he was probably going home. When would I have an opportunity like that again?

"Okay. Don't worry. I'll see you tomorrow. Bye, Alana. Take care." He gave me the phone and I put it on the coffee table again. Before any of us could say anything, another thunder cracked the sky, and this time, Will held me so I wouldn't be afraid. The lights went out, and he held me against his chest protectively, making me smell his aftershave and some perfume. He smelled so good. For a moment, I just stood there in his arms, feeling his warmth, his breath, the steady beats of his heart.

I moved away just a little to see his face, very close to mine, but it was so dark I could only see shadows. A lightning lit up the room and, just for a little moment, I could see his gorgeous eyes staring at me. After a soft touch of his thumb on my lips, he finally kissed me, so gentle, like I could break as fine china with any rougher move. I touched his neck with both my hands, playing with his hair, feeling how soft they were. He pulled me closer, his hands on my waist, and the kiss started to get deeper, voracious, as if we were hungry for each other. Maybe the wine was helping to raise the lust; all I know is that I've wanted that to happen for a long time. Will's kiss was everything I imagined it would be, but entirely different at the same time. All I could say was that he was great at it. His hands traveled through my body, and I grabbed his hair, pulling it slightly. That made a low growl echo through his chest, and I started to feel my body fervent as a bonfire.

I couldn't say much because I was breathless and I didn't want to stop what we were doing, so a single word left my lips as I kept my forehead on his.

"Stay."

Will bit his lip, kissing me again, and that was all the answer I needed.

Morning. Thin sunrays illuminated my bedroom floor through the curtains, waking me up. The storm was gone. I haven't had a nice night of sleep like that in ages. I looked at the other side of my bed and there was Will, sleeping heavily. It wasn't a dream, after all. Last night really happened. I smiled, staring at the roof with disbelief in my eyes.

I stared at him for a few seconds, unsure of what to do. Should I just let him sleep? He looked so heavenly, his hair was messy, his breathing steady, he seemed so less troubled than he usually was. I touched his hair lightly, caressing it with tenderness, and he started to move. I could see his neck, and a few hickies we marked on his albescent skin. That made me blush a little bit, and I laughed silently.

He opened his eyes while I still touched his hair, but I didn't stop, and he didn't seem to want me to. We stared at each other in silence for a few moments, and he smiled, a different smile than the usual ones he gave me.

"Hi." He said, pulling me closer by my waist, stroking the skin under the sheets. I pecked him on the lips, then kissing his forehead, his cheek, his jawline.

"Hey there. Good morning. I'm starving, are you having breakfast with me?"

"Actually, I gotta go home. Feed the dogs." He said, stroking my nude shoulder with his finger.

"Of course. Your dogs. I won't keep you then, poor babies must be so hungry." I kissed his cheek and was about to get up when he pulled me again, gently kissing my lips. I smiled, probably looking like an idiot. A joyful idiot. "I'll let you get dressed. I'll be in the kitchen."

I dressed up in my long and black robe, smiling at him before I left the room, going to the kitchen, where I started to make some french toasts. After a few minutes, I heard the front door open, and an exhausted Alana came in, her hair frizzy and her coat looking still a bit wet.

"Oh, Lana! Go change, you'll get a cold!" I stopped what I was doing, going to her and helping to take off her coat.

"That storm was a nightmare. I swear I won't ignore the warnings ever again. I'm so sorry, I had no idea it would get this bad, yesterday was one of those days where everything just goes wrong. Hope Will arrived well at home, did he seem disappointed or annoyed before he left? I was so inconvenient…"

I didn't even have time to answer, because Will opened my bedroom door, coming out while buttoning his shirt, suddenly realizing Alana was there.

"Oh." Alana said, looking so flabbergasted I almost laughed at her. Will rose his eyebrows at the sight of her, seeming a bit unsure of what to do or say. I wasn't planning for her to find out like this, it was a bit early, I wasn't expecting her to arrive so soon. "Hi, Will."

"Alana. Hi." He avoided looking at her, staring at me, and his eyes immediately softened. I smiled, he smiled back, and that was it, Alana was forgotten.

"Off you go to feed your children." I joked, biting my bottom lip. "I guess I'll see you later, then."

"Definitely." He simply said, kissing my forehead while caressing my hair, certainly a little embarrassed to kiss me in front of Alana. "See you later, Y/n. Bye, Alana."

"Bye, Will." I waved with a soft smile, and he grabbed his jacket, leaving the house.

My smile grew larger and I left my head fall back, squeaking low in commemoration. What a night! What a morning! I never thought I would thank a storm so much, let alone a bloody thunder.

Before Alana could say anything, I realized Will had left his glasses at the coffee table, and I picked it up in a hurry, bursting through the front door and calling him before he left, waving in front of the car.

"You forgot your glasses!" I said, and he opened the car windows, raising his hand to pick them.

I leaned against the car window, putting the glasses on him, and kissing his lips fiercely. He moaned in surprise, holding my face to deepen the kiss. After a moment, I pulled away, appreciating the view of his lips so reddish.

"Go back inside, it's cold." He said with a cheeky smile, and before I could say he actually made me hotter, he took off with the car.

I went back inside, where Alana was waiting for me with her arms crossed.

"What the hell did you do to Will Graham?" She asked, sounding severe, but a smile was trying to escape her lips "I mean, besides trying to suck his soul with your mouth a few moments ago."

"Oh, shut up!" I laughed, blushing violently. "You made that happen, you know? Thank you. Was that a set up or did the universe actually conspire in my favor?"

"I wish I'd planned this. That would mean I would've had a plan b and I wouldn't have stayed at that disgusting mote… Y/n, you're full of hickies, I can't believe you!"

"You're starting to sound like my mom, Lana. I'm gonna wear a turtleneck, don't worry, I don't want Beverly all over me like a bloodhound and Brian and Jimmy's witty comments today. In fact, keep it to yourself, okay? Will's discreet. I won't even tell Beverly, if she finds out, the whole bureau will know, hell, maybe even Freddie Lounds."

"I told you to let it go, Y/n. Will's very unstable right now. I… I only want what's best for you." She said with concern in her bright blue eyes. I sighed, walking to her and kissing her cheek with affection.

"You're a good cousin. But I'm a big girl. I can take care of myself, okay? Unless this isn't only about me, unless it concerns something else." I raised an eyebrow while staring at her, more confident that I've ever been. "Is there something you wanna tell me?"

She hesitated, clenching her jaw, but never spoke.

I smiled, tapping her cheek very lightly in approval.

"I gotta get ready to work. Wanna grab lunch with me later?" I asked in a casual tone, a cynical smile on my face. She shrugged. "See you later then, cuz."

#hannibal #hugh dancy #mads mikkelsen #will graham #will graham headcanon #will graham imagine #hannibal imagine #will graham x reader #alana bloom #alana bloom imagine #jack crawford #beverly katz #hannibal fanfic #hannibal fanfiction #hannibal headcanon #will graham oneshot

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dandaelions · 2 years

Text

changmin's "devil" album thoughts

very anticipated!! much excitement!!

devil: 😮

I started playing the song, then a minute in, I had to go back and rewind - and I never rewind songs on the first listen - because I just couldn't believe what I was hearing

is what I'm feeling...ecstasy? enlightenment? is there even a word? because somehow, he's done it yet again, and I'm left sitting here with my mouth hanging open and wondering how the hell? he keeps reinventing himself with every release.

gospel choir-meets-stomp n' clap rock band is a genre I never would've expected out of kpop, but here we are. and considering the theme and lyrics he couldn't have chosen a more fitting sound, not only to send his message, but once again prove to us how he's still here after 18 years. or rather, why. if taemin's "idea" was realizing what the voice inside has been whispering, "devil" is coming to terms with the fact that you need to keep going in spite of it. is this a subtle commentary on the longevity of his career and the sacrifices he's made because of it? we'll probably never get a straight answer. in any case, I've already spent 20 mins on this song and I should move on lol

maniac: queen's "dont stop me now"? meet your slightly-unhinged korean counterpart. sounds like he had a lot of fun in the studio with this!

fever: ooohhhh that intro is sexyyyyyy. this was an absolute shopstopper during smtown and sitting here listening to it really makes me appreciate changmin's stage presence. I'm missing that visual element because now it kind of just sounds like a rehash of imagine dragons' "believer" with those signature screams thrown on top. which are very well done btw. maybe if I wasn't so sick of hearing "believer" for the past five years this would make a stronger impression on me. but also "keep work without fever" is truly the energy we need going into year 3 of the pandemic.

alien: oh we're getting a little salsa here? really interesting how the bass is carrying the vibe instead of a paired with an acoustic guitar like usual. flirty and playful vibe! oh woah the ending?? that took an interesting turn. guess he got beamed up haha.

dirty dancing: this is such an interesting take on reggaeton, stripping back most of the instrumentals and letting the bass ride the beat. guitars and percussive lines sneak in here and there, hazy and muddled like you can barely keep them in focus - it's clear there's only one thing on his mind and it's more than just dancing...

airplane mode: the laid-back tempo is a welcome change from the frenzy of previous songs. simple, easy-going percussion and bass lines provide a nice blank canvas for him to do a lot without needing to stretch himself at all.

overall: there's such a wide range of sounds and themes presented here, and it all feels like a flex. "oh, I can do this, and I can do this, AND have you heard me do this?" as an album experience, thematically it didn't seem to be cohesive at all...but then again it didn't need to be? because isn't it enough to hear him tackle all these different genres with ease? and the answer here is yes.

#album thoughts

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askmathiaskohler · 3 years

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What were your viking days like dude? I've heard all about your counterparts and whatever but not you! You should tell us!!

Mathias: AHA! Now that is quite the loaded question! Not that I mind, of course. I love talking about myself and my history! I hope you are ready for me to talk your ear off, ven.

[ / He pauses for a moment, scratching his chin in thought as he ponders over something. ]

Mathias: Or would it be ears? Would I just be talking one off, or both? I guess that ears would be more accurate, since there are quite a few of you tuned in... AGH! That’s off topic, haha! forgive me.

[ / He shakes his head, as if to try and shake off the distractions, before he once again focuses on the camera. Repositioning himself in his chair, so that he can be more comfortable, he continues. ]

Mathias: Now historians have put specific time stamps on things that I wouldn’t consider very accurate, so I’m not a hundred percent on what span of time you’re referring to. The beginning? The middle? The tail end? Whatever, I’m going to answer it all just to play it safe! Forgive me, though. The history people have timestamped me as an old man, so I may not remember everything.

Mathias: I wouldn’t have considered myself a víkingr until... I believe the late stone age. A drengr, most definitely, but the most I ever explored was the woods of my home. I think I crossed into my grandfathers territory more then once, but I can’t remember for certain... Mathias: The culture that would eventually become so broadly defined as “vikings...” [ / He holds his hands up to emote air quotations when he says that, before his hands drop to his sides once more; out of frame. ] Mathias: ... Began to truly stir shortly before my far disappeared. The battle, the exploration, the glory! Do not get me wrong, we had always been a warmonger group of peoples who settled our issues with the sharp end of an axe, but the adventures cross the seas and through the river channels did not start until... Well, very shortly after I found my lillebror. Mathias: I cannot remember the date, or the year, or anything. You will have to forgive me, we were not exactly keeping calendars and writing down occasions! But I believe the stamp on them is... 4000? [ / There’s an exclamation of a correction that can be heard in the background from Mathias’ guest, Wilhelm. “5000!” And with this, Mathias lets out a hearty laugh; shaking his head nonchalantly. ] Mathias: 5000, my mistake. I suppose Wilhelm can’t take a compliment that he looks much younger then he is!

[ / There is a bark of laughter heard from a few rooms over, though Mathias does return his attention to the camera so that he can continue to answer the question. ] Mathias: But I would say that me taking a boat to the sea to find my bror could serve as my “víkingr badge.” And let me tell you, raising a child was way more challenging then anything else that was thrown my way. Regardless, young Eluf-

[ / His eyes widen for a second, puffing out his cheeks as he blows out an awkward breath, before he laughs and corrects himself. ]

Mathias: Berwald turned out well. Mathias: He and I were very different, though. He was much more... I can’t remember the English word. It starts with an F? He was very.. financial. Ja, that works. He was much more interested in the idea of trade, while I was more interested in swinging an axe and earning my fruit that way! I was dubbed a berserkr shortly before my boat hit the coastline of Norway because of how much I liked to get high and raid! Ah.. Simpler times. Mathias: I guess that is why people tried to worship me as Þórr... Þórr! I mean, I guess I can see the comparison... Liking to fight, liking to drink, handsome... Not to mention my far oh so creatively named me Tore. But that surely wasn’t great for my ego, HA!

[ / His face lights up, as he thinks of yet another point to divulge into. He lifts his hand with his pointer finger up, and a bright smile lights up his face. It’s clear that this one-sided discussion is pleasing to him. ]

Mathias: OH! Speaking of Norway, that was when I met Lukas! Flíri was his name at the time, and he was so entrancing that I made a complete fool of myself trying to get his attention! Mathias: I mean... It made an impression, obviously. I’m guessing me covered in deer piss and blood did something for him! It was an impressive hunt, though, I get that. But I mistook him for a woman! Seriously! I thought he was just a flat chested woman with a deep voice. I think that’s what I said to him actually. “I thought you were a flat chested woman!”

[ / A guffaw resonates from him as throws his head back. After a few seconds, he manages to wind down and once again looks at the camera; His arms now crossed over his chest, to give his fidgeting hands something to do. ]

Mathias: Somehow- some way- he came back to my encampment with me. Hey, if it works it works! And I’m very good at being foolish. Mathias: For a while, the three of us- Eluf, Flíri and me- lived under the roof of...

[ / He pauses, letting out an “ugh” sound as he rolls his eyes. His fingers begin to tap his brachium, a tick, before he resumes. ]

Mathias: Magnus... And Sindri, I guess. Things were much, much different back then and I considered them both friend and family. I was blind to them and their... Whatever, moving on. Mathias: It was a nice settlement. Stable, close enough to the water for resources but not close enough to be often raided, plentiful greens and wild life... It was a good place to raise Emil! Though his given name was Tait. A place where I could teach him how to use a sword without worrying about someone trying to use one against him. Mathias: Ja, I would say that Lukas and I threw our towels in whenever we found out about the kids. Not to say we never raided again, that’s laughable! But it wasn’t often that we boarded a long ship together to go pick on some monks. If anything, it was usually one of us while the other stayed to watch him. And usually, I was the one on the long ship and he was the one who stayed. Mathias: It wasn’t like I raided alone, though. I had people who always had a place in my crew if they were around! Wilhelm, Bjorn... Sindri... Eluf, obviously. On the few occasions that Magnus would leave his jarl chair to come with us, he was also on the ship.

[ / He looks up, trying to recall everyone, while he counted them out on his fingers. ]

Mathias: Ingrid, Eira... If she wasn’t frothing. Olga! Olga more so. It was like she had an addiction to carnage! She was there almost every raid season! Mathias: Those are the people you’ll know, anyways. The one’s still around! Humans had an even shorter life span back then, so it’s understandable to expect that none of them were immortal. I can’t even remember many of their names... Mathias: That was around the time that it began to tank, though. With the spreading of Christianity and us not being able to keep a foothold...

[ / He lets out a hollow sounding laugh, and for a moment he looks a little sad. But, he’s quick to don a tight lipped smile. ]

Mathias: It’s weird how quickly things changed, and sometimes I wonder about how things would be if they hadn’t. But everyone is constantly evolving, and if that was meant to be the end... then that was meant to be the end.

#aph denmark #hws denmark #mathias #ic: answered #long post

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dorkyungsoowrites · 5 years

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I've basically fallen from. The face of the earth, I ended up doing construction full time??? It's awful 10/10 do not recommend. Have ghosted everyone and everything. I come back and peep but am a giant scaredy cat to interact. If you're still down I'd love to hear director's commentary about Fatal Ties?? 😭

It’s very flattering that you’re this interested in my writing. I already sent you a private message about the other parts of this ask so this is all commentary. I had way more to say than I thought but it was fascinating to re-visit these passages and realize some things I missed before, and just expose myself I guess haha.

Before I start this is one of two warnings. I hardly ever get to talk about my writing in depth so I’m going to be indulgent. In other words, this will be lengthy. I’m putting it all under a read more.

Fatal Ties Director’s Commentary

Chapter 1:

Firstly, I’ve edited this chapter on my own and it reads completely different now. No, I will not be posting the edited chapters here. I’ve change the pov and given each character a different name in order to make it a full, original mafia story. I have not gone back and read this story in months at this point though so the thoughts that spring to mind should be interesting/informative if not entertaining.Also of note real quick, there will be dark and less than savory topics mentioned; namely violence, child abuse, human trafficking, nonbinary erasure, drugs, and sexual violence. None ad nauseam, but they are themes strung throughout this story and I feel it’s important you’re warned before continuing. If you are sensitive to these or think you may be triggered please do not force yourself to read this. Most of it is in chapter 5, but still. That being said, it won’t be all doom and gloom so let’s just jump into it.

Typically I enjoy starting off a story with dialogue or an action. Here, it was dialogue. Baekhyun entering the Boss’ manor to meet them. I think the best starting point for a story is the inciting incident for the main plot-line. Many mainstream scripts are structured so you see what the main characters lives are like on the regular before the balance is upset, but in writing I feel that bogs down the first few chapters so I skip it. This is fanfiction for fun so who cares about setup. It’s Baekhyun. There’s an arranged marriage. You know the drill.

For “Fatal Ties” the Boss has been working on this truce for years, but the main plot of the telling is them actually meeting Baekhyun, and how that changes them as their relationship grows. The Boss doesn’t like the idea of marrying a stranger. Let alone someone from the rival syndicate. Who would? Baekhyun, as they find out rather quickly. He’s too amorous about it all. They don’t trust Baekhyun. They believe he’s a honeypot the other boss sent to spy on them. I mean, of course they think that. Baekhyun is clumsily flirting and overly flattering. Spitting compliments out excitedly at every turn even though it’s clear he knows nothing about them. Calling them princess and doll. They’ve worked too hard for too long, and sacrificed too much to suffer being mis-gendered in their own home by some immature idiot. They don’t suffer being looked down on or erased anymore. They will be recognized for who they are, and as an equal to every other mafia boss.

Their rage boils inside them with every slip. The moment the Boss grabs Baekhyun’s collar is when I tried to set up how precarious this all is. That threat isn’t empty. The Boss will kill him and the rest of his family if this contract doesn’t work out. They’d rather just sign a contract though. Less work and no sloppy transition times as mentioned in the next chapter.

Speaking of which, this contract isn’t legally binding. It’s more an honor contract than anything. That’s why Baekhyun is there to marry the Boss. It’s really just another business deal to the Boss. That’s how real mafias joined their houses in the past. I made this more clear by adding this line to the Boss’ dialogue in the edit: “Also contracts in our…realm of business aren’t legally binding so it’s insurance. Symbolic more than anything, really, but that’s that.”

As a side note, I ended up doing far more research than I anticipated for this. Most of the knowledge I acquired hasn’t been utilized yet, but I refuse to think I wasted hours of my life reading business, money laundering and fraud law for nothing. Limited liability, shell corporations, deficits, ugh it’s giving me a headache just thinking about all the jargon I had to sift through.

Okay back to the thing. I made a conscious decision to describe the Boss’ manor as such. Their dad built up the drug business. They’re just tweaking it to be more profitable. It hasn’t been revealed yet, but their dad wanted to surround himself with expensive things to feel more important and successful since he started from near nothing. The Boss, on the other hand, doesn’t enjoy living in this big house. It’s too cold and empty. They want to live in a normal home further from the city and have their only worry be about if their garden is getting enough sunlight. A peaceful life. That won’t happen unless a truce is called between them and Baekhyun’s family. It truly means everything to them that this marriage go well.

Had someone tell me it was so satisfying when the Boss smashed that mug over Baekhyun’s head. That felt good. I figured that’s the first major tell of their character. They get annoyed at being mis-gendered and harassed, but instead of leaving or yelling or anything a regular person might do, they lash out with violence. They were raised in the mafia where mistakes were atoned with blood. You ever seen “John Wick 3”? Fucking love Keanu Reeves. Some of my favorite action movies. Anyway, sort of like that. The Boss has very little mercy in them. Or patience. Bad combination. But for good reason. Any small slip-up could result in life in prison, so yeah.

The other major tell of character was in what the Boss did right after. Cleaning up the broken mug. They take responsibility for what they knew was a mistake. They clean up their own mess. They immediately know to call for Yixing the doctor and calmly explain things to Baekhyun when he wakes up. I intentionally never had them say “sorry.” They admit they were wrong to hit him, but they don’t apologize. Even so, the moment Baekhyun sees a glimmer of a chance for approval from the Boss he jumps in to help cover it up. Knowing that if his parents found out they hit him any peace that might’ve been forming would be tenuous at best. More likely, his dad would take it as a personal attack and retaliate.

Then right at the end Baekhyun shows some kind of guilt and/or concern for causing their hand injury and it throws off the Boss’ instincts. Suddenly he’s willing to shoulder the blame and offering to help. Being respectful. A total flip from before. It makes the Boss harden their guard more. Proving he shouldn’t be trusted. Or, at least, they can’t entertain the possibility that he’s trustworthy. Not yet. Still, he’s saving them significant stress by lying to his parents about his head, so the Boss is much more gentle in turning him down before going to bed.

Chapter 2:

Despite what it looks like, this sex scene was not put in gratuitously. It’s very, very important setup for just about everything else, and it’s filled with foreshadowing. I knew it would be important to get a glimpse at the Boss’ secret affair in it’s normality before it got twisted a few chapters later. It shows a peek into the Boss’ hidden personal desires. They crave real affection. Their issues prevent them from actually believing that Kyungsoo loves them, but deep down they hope it’s true. They’re wary of entertaining those hopes however, because that means they could have a weakness for others to exploit. See literally any secret agent plot-line ever. The loved ones are threatened first and used as leverage for the villains. So the Boss denies that it’s anything more than physical.

I tried to convey the timeline a bit better later, but just so it’s clear Baekhyun meets the Boss three years after they’ve taken over from their dad. So Kyungsoo and them met back then and very painfully slowly the tension grew. I will admit to having fun imagining this bit in my own head just cause I love sexual tensions that build until they break and it’s this massive burst of passion. The Boss doing their best to keep everything professional, turning Kyungsoo down when he tried to talk to them, until finally they caved. Realizing after having a few conversations with him that, “fuck…I’ve liked him this whole time.” They’re around each other literally all the time. A bond had formed without them even noticing. Once it was noticed it took yet another year of Kyungsoo flirting and finding excuses to touch them, like, on the base of their spine, their hair, their hand, etc, before their will broke and they gave in. They’re both horrible at communicating it, but they do care for one another. Maybe at varying degrees, but they care. I hope that was made clear in this chapter.

Of note, Kyungsoo’s immediate hatred of Baekhyun, the fact he brought it up after the Boss had already switched off their brain to be submissive, the pet names he uses, the fact that the call for silence at the end is explained from the Boss’ perspective, and when he brings up the idea of wiping out Baekhyun’s family without a contract there’s this sentence: “He was back on this nonsense again.”

The theme here is control, if you didn’t notice. The Boss enjoying a space where they’re safe out of control, Kyungsoo trying to convince them not to give up sole control of their business by partnering, etc. That’s not all the foreshadowing, but I don’t want to make the plot too easy to predict by giving them away.

The last few paragraphs are the deep dive into the Boss’ motivations and reasoning. I think it’s also the second time Baekhyun’s family’s business is alluded to, but I’ll reveal that in a later chapter commentary when it’s possible for the reader to have deduced it on their own. It also shows in the last few lines where the Boss’ priorities are. The contract is number one. They will sacrifice everything for it. Even what may be their only chance at something close to love.

Chapter 3:

This is the second time I’ve written the main character eating eggs on toast. It’s delicious, and I lack the creativity to describe different foods. It’s just to pace the scene with actions because they’re eating instead of just sitting around. If one day my works are looked at by English professors they’ll probably say it symbolizes the Boss’ practical, fast-paced lifestyle. It doesn’t. I just like eggs on toast.

The fact Baekhyun doesn’t lie about snooping is the first big revealing thing showing that he doesn’t really want to. He doesn’t care about being caught because he just doesn’t care that much. He makes the remark about firing the guards posted outside his door as a joke. Ha-ha I walked around your house doing nothing with no supervision. He doesn’t realize how grave a mistake that was. He doesn’t realize that remark was the cause of two lives being ruined by the Boss. He will understand later because, as you learn later, he listens in on the Boss’ meeting with those guards via bug he put in their blazer. I have not written the effect of that yet, but it did affect Baekhyun. There’s a very clear butterfly effect from this one small choice.

Next he tries to get Kyungsoo to talk. He plays it off as trying to get to know the head of security. Needling the Boss to try and prove his hunch that it was Kyungsoo he heard them fucking the night before. I didn’t bother insinuating he had suspicions about anyone else because Baekhyun is smart and he knows that 1) Yixing is the only other person he’s met so far and that wasn’t his voice. 2) Kyungsoo is at the Boss’ side all day, and he hasn’t spoken around Baekhyun yet.

When he sees the Boss is about to leave he uses the name “kitten.” Baiting them by antagonizing them. Switching his tactics. The day before he had played up the whole “I’m here to do what you want” thing and now he’s realized he should be more domineering. He doesn’t always succeed because that’s not entirely in his nature, but here it sort of works to, as John Mulaney and JJ Bittenbinder would say, “throw them off their rhythm.”

I amuse myself by adding in little quirks to the Boss. Each time I describe a room it’s meant to be pictured immaculate and modern with everything in perpendicular lines. Showing that they’re a little peculiar about style and cleanliness. Anal retentive one might even say. All their clothes are tailored, most of them are suits, the mass of cabinets in the kitchen so the counters are clear, etc. Another side note, this is set in the 2000’s mostly for law reasons. Some didn’t exist until later which made what the Boss does near impossible to get away with, but I wanted cell phones and I’m picky about realism like that. So 2000’s decor. Black and white with pops of color in the decorations, chrome, clean finishes. I work in interior design so I was a little particular about some stuff for no reason other than my own amusement like the big kitchen with white countertops, and the blue and grey paisley wing-back chairs. When I edit this chapter I’m going to go into more detail on the rug though to give a clearer picture when the blood ruins it. Which really did cause the Boss dismay just like the bloody hand wrappings. For cleanliness but also they don’t like conducting business at home outside of paperwork and research. I thought it showed more about their character that they were upset over the bloody wrappings rather than the dead body and such.

My favorite part about writing the Boss’ character is how they’re constantly in a shade of darker grey. Everyone operates in shades of grey, but I love it when I see characters that are closer to the black and yet you’re still cheering for them. They’re morally corrupt and objectively not a good person, but you still like them. They’re still the hero, so to speak, of the story. That’s what I’m trying to achieve with the Boss. Back to “John Wick.” He’s a good example. So is Loki. They’re mass murderers, but we as an audience still love them because they feel like real people. Their motivations garner sympathy, and it’s their methods that are skewed. I love the challenge of threading that line between the Boss being the protagonist and villain simultaneously. Referring back to a line Kyungsoo had; they may need to be protected from themselves. Disney villain style I guess. Their actions cause their own doom. Not necessarily because the hero did anything. Gaston, Clayton, The Evil Queen, Frollo, Scar, etc, etc. You get it. I love that. That’s not giving away the ending, by the way. I don’t like following formulas too much. I honestly haven’t even decided on an ending yet. There’s lots of options. I’ll decide when I get there.

Anyway, this chapter was my attempt at showing more of that dark grey for the boss. They could have just as easily let the guards off with a warning, or broken a finger or something, but instead they went for the extreme. “Their offense was too great” as the chapter says. All they did was let Baekhyun out of his room, you might say. The Boss doesn’t see it that way. They don’t know what Baekhyun did unsupervised all night. But somehow he already found out about one of the few secrets that could topple everything out of balance. Their affair. Not that his family is sensitive over infidelity or anything, but it was what the Boss was afraid of; Kyungsoo being used against them. A weakness. Baekhyun found their weakness just like that, and they thought the reason was the guards letting him out. If Baekhyun hadn’t gotten restless legs, or just not teased the Boss about walking around that morning, they probably wouldn’t have checked the security footage, and those guards would’ve survived.

Instead, the Boss outright kills one and mutilates the other. Framing him so he’d go to prison. They enjoy taking out their frustration on the guard. In their mind he deserves it for being careless.

Had someone comment a reference to Yixing with the whole “act of kindness, act of cruelty. Balance” thing, but that was actually inspired by a scene in season 2 of Fargo. Although both people end up dying in that show. Love that show. Inspired this whole thing actually. I know I’ve mentioned that somewhere else before, but it’s true. It’s one of my favorites it’s so brilliant. I don’t think this will ever be up to par with that, but I’m okay with that.

Point being, consequences. Baekhyun’s choices had a ripple effect, and they continue past this chapter.

Chapter 4:

Obviously you find this out later, but Baekhyun was listening to the Boss and Kyungsoo on those headphones. Not music.

The Boss gives in to talking with Baekhyun in the car because they find it cute he’s acting like a puppy. Also because he might let something else slip. Oh, also, the line about them lying about nothing being wrong was them being worried about Baekhyun blabbering about their affair with Kyungsoo.

Baekhyun attempts to have a normal conversation, but it doesn’t stay that way for long. All the Boss can talk about is work. If you’ve ever watched “Hot Fuzz” I imagine this interaction playing something like the first day Nicholas and Danny are together. It’s not as sharp as in that movie, but the feeling of a less experienced person questioning this serious person with the least serious questions. Baekhyun sees this as a game or a movie more than something real and dangerous. He only heard the meeting in the last chapter, after all. He doesn’t realize yet that the gunshot killed that guard. He’s watched his mom get married to a mafia leader and live rich like an actress. He’s naive of the price it takes to stay comfortable like that. It’s still a movie where people are killed off screen and there are no major repercussions. Even in his answer about the knife he says he would kiss them as if it were some James Bond film.

I tried to make it clear, but just to spell it out, Baekhyun is the rival leader’s step-son. He has two step-brothers from the rival leaders’ two previous marriages–Minseok and Jongin. So he didn’t grow up in this dark, depraved world like these other characters. He was folded in at an older age. He’s more the black sheep of the family because he’s not blood related. That’s why he says he was happy to marry the Boss. But it’s still seeing through this movie lens. He doesn’t know what it really means to learn how to run a syndicate, and the Boss sees that. They scoff at him and can’t take him seriously.

At the meeting the reason the Boss wants to crack the mask of Minseok is to feel out his real personality. In their mind, every lawyer is an actor who writes a script before trial and reads it for an audience–the jury. They wanted to see Minseok when not acting. When they see he has a spine, oh buddy, they would’ve dropped Baekhyun for Minseok right then and there if it was their choice.

Oh, yeah, and they’re totally straight up manipulating Baekhyun. Using that nickname as faux affection. Letting his family think Baekhyun’s honeypot skills were working, and Baekhyun that his regular charm was getting them to like him.Baekhyun’s mom mentioning they operate hotels, yes, interesting. She’s also in fantasyland if you can tell. Planning their wedding as if they were in love and not out of business arrangement. She’s not naive to the real purpose of the meeting, but her focus and excitement is in the wedding which is why everyone’s just kind of letting her do all the planning.

The last thing I’ll say on this chapter is from part of my response to someone asking about the Boss’ goals. They want to gain customers, profit and influence. Expand their drug empire. It’s a smart business move. Simple as that. If you want more detail, then they want symbiosis. It’s a hassle having to work an underground drug ring when there’s cops, let alone another gang out for their blood. Getting Baekhyun’s family to stop the violence against their group and help is the only smart move in their eyes.

Chapter 5:

Oofda strap in this one gets real dark. This is the chapter most of those warnings at the beginning were for so feel free to skip to the next chapters commentary if you want.

Yes the lapel grab was an intentional mirror of the one Baekhyun did at breakfast in chapter two. Just felt like it. No special reason.

An extreme disconnect from human lives? Hotels? Even the Boss thinks it’s wrong? What the fuck does Baekhyun’s family do? Congrats if you’ve figured it out already. The major giveaway is in a bit though.

The whole, “I like things that are beautiful and strong” thing is a reference to a video game character named Zevran who’s a pansexual assassin and one of the loves of my life. Life-changing, that dialogue. Perfectly worded how my pansexuality felt. It meant a lot at the time so it’s stuck with me. When I edit this though I’m gonna change it around a bit. It’s too close to the actual game dialogue right now.

When the Boss retreats it’s because they felt breathless. They’re in denial about being afraid, but it’s cause they’ve never felt attraction like that before. Sincere fondness, and it went both ways. They actually felt something for Baekhyun. So they counteract it to the extreme and pretend to be emotionless and dismissive. To the point of being cruel when speaking about him to Kyungsoo as if he were a dog that needed to be locked in its kennel.

The throwing things is just Baekhyun being petty. He is angry, but not super mad. Enough to want to make the Boss hear his anger. Not enough to keep it up for long though.

More foreshadowing once Kyungsoo comes in. There’s been other stuff in between too. I like reading it and cackling in villainy because I know all the secrets.

Now let’s take a moment while reading the first part of this sex scene and just reflect on how Baekhyun is listening to everything happening.

…

Alright let’s continue. We stan a man who’s good at oral.

Okay sorry let’s actually continue. I’m delaying the inevitable here.

This section was hard to write, and I know it’s hard to read too, but it’s important to the story to have it described. Not only for awareness, as I have experienced something very similar and didn’t know what was wrong, or why I felt the way I did afterward, until much much later. But also because this is a major event that drastically changes how the Boss interacts with just about everyone, and their relationships. I know there are stories out there that use sexual violence as a plot device, and I’ve tried my best not to do that. I hope I’ve handled it with sensitivity and care. Being mindful of how certain things are worded and such. If you don’t take anything else away from this I do want you to know this: this is consensual. It is not rape. The Boss is just as confused about what happened as I’m sure some of you are. They’re deeply conflicted about it, but they push it down and ignore it at first. That’s the point. Shades of grey. Conflict. Revelation of characters. Okay, on with the rest of it.

The consent. The unreadable twinkle in his eye. If it wasn’t obvious, Kyungsoo gets off on having control over the Boss. This possessiveness is turning into a poison. Hearing that they want him unequivocally ends up being the toes hanging off the edge of the cliff before the plummet.

“He took what he wanted from you and you gave willingly.” That’s the line that explains why the Boss doesn’t do anything when Kyungsoo starts going too far with the pain levels. Gripping their thighs too hard. He already gave them the tension release and satisfaction. They were reciprocating, they thought. They felt safe with Kyungsoo. That’s why their trysts worked. They trusted Kyungsoo to keep them safe at all times. They could let go and not think, but for some reason that night turns out to be different.

When Kyungsoo screws his eyes shut, it’s the point of no return. No matter what they did from then on it would end the same way. He’s blocking out the expression on their face. He’s trying his damnest to focus on finishing. He’s lost control. As stated, some conflict is making him frustrated, and he’s taking it too far. He should have stopped, but something makes him keep going.

When they hold Kyungsoo closer, they’re in denial. And they’ll stay in denial that anything wrong had happened for a while. Kyungsoo slows at this point and there’s hope that he’ll come back to himself. He moves them into a more comfortable position and removes his hands from their bruising grip. Kissing their neck and chest even. The pain when he thrusts inside is more layover from the previous actions than rough treatment in that moment. They could still call the night rough play. Let’s call this the good timeline.

I still have so many emotions when his hand clamps tighter on their mouth and he mutters, “almost there.” The desperation and pain and guilt laced through his tone in my head breaks my heart a bit.

The Boss is not a fragile person. They’ve always been able to exert some amount of control in their life. But when they can’t stop Kyungsoo suddenly they feel helpless. The person they trusted is hurting them, and it’s not even malicious. They can’t even think through all the pain.

After Kyungsoo finishes neither of them have time to process what happened before Baekhyun screams. By the emotions flickering on Kyungsoo’s face though, it’s implied he knows he fucked up very, very badly and is experiencing clarity.

I really just added in the Baekhyun struggling with guards in his underwear thing for some levity in the transition between heavy things. He could’ve been dressed and just yelling from his doorway, sure, but that’s no fun.

Baekhyun ends up confessing to planting multiple listening devices after convincing the Boss to get Kyungsoo to leave. But instead of their first thought being one of anger or worry over leaked secrets, the Boss thinks about his confession. It’s the second time this chapter they’ve thought about Baekhyun in a positive light when there were more pressing matters.

“I know the difference between playing rough and abuse. I know what real pain sounds like. Trust me.“ And, "Kyungsoo is much more suited for working for my family. You know that right?” are the two biggest clues about what Baekhyun’s family does. Have you guessed yet? Locked in your answer? It’s prostitution and sex trafficking.

When Baekhyun says he was terrified hearing their screams it’s because he’s scarred from his step-dad’s "hotel business.” Saying that Kyungsoo is more suited for his family’s work implies things about his character that the Boss refuses to question. However Baekhyun crying is also out of relief that he didn’t find them more severely injured. With his family he was powerless to help the people they extorted and manipulated and took advantage of. He was able to do something here, though. He was able to scream and kick and call attention to it, even if he was a little late. He was able to help. Which is why he so readily agrees to get rid of the bugs to get the Boss to call Yixing.

Right before he leaves he contemplates trying to kiss them. His relief doesn’t overpower his smarts though, and he thinks better of it. I think the Boss would’ve called Yixing anyway, but they couldn’t pass up the opportunity to also get something from Baekhyun.

Chapter 6:

I am so…emotionally exhausted from that last chapter, but there’s not much left at this point so let’s finish.

Jongdae calling himself Greased Lightning. Just felt like referencing Grease that day I guess. Wanted a dumb code name no one actually uses.

Agh that should say white collar crime oops.

“I’d call you a genius, but I’m in the room.” Lazy reference to Sherlock. Should take it out.

“Opening him up balls to brain.” Honestly that’s just straight up out of Game of Thrones. I loved the line too much haha. Took inspiration from Petyr Baelish on the bit about killing an innocent man with the guilty one to throw off suspicion too.

I actually did math the figure out the dimensions of the tie grid cause I’m like that I guess.

Originally the Boss was gonna reward him by just spending more time with him, but after the…incident, they decided to teach him a bit too. They realized he was smart and amicable to change.

“They know, and they know when to bail” is actually a reference to Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood with something Olivier said up on the North wall.

The “there are plenty worse than you” realization hits a lot harder knowing his family does what they do. It still gets me reading that line. He’s been through so much.

Pretty self explanatory on why the Boss doesn’t give in to their desires about Baekhyun. He’s too submissive still. They want someone to challenge them. Baekhyun gives them a glimpse at the possibility he’s capable, but it disappears just as fast.

As I was describing the city they’re driving home from I was thinking of Chicago, but as someone who’s visited many major cities it could be any of them really. In my head it’s Northern California though, mostly because 1) there’s plenty of stories out there now about mafia in New York or Chicago or Las Vegas. 2) they have history with mafia in real life that moved up there from the L.A. areas. 3) lots of coastal cities up that way where Baekhyun’s family could be doing business. Let’s not even get into all the organized crime in San Francisco and San Jose. Of course for this fanfiction version it could be in South Korea who knows. I only know American law so that’s how I think in terms of writing the Boss avoiding cops and what-not.

The fact the chapter didn’t end with the ties being purchased should’ve been the warning that something bad was gonna happen. This chapter was going too well, and there’s still no major conflict. Enter gunmen.

Also side note, I always end up doing way more research than necessary on almost every story. Spent a few hours reading about and looking at videos of bulletproof cars being shot with different calibers and doing 180’s and stuff to more accurately write this chase. I just like doing research I suppose. Definitely love learning new things. I’ll go down several google deep dives on any given subject during a month. It’s fun learning new things. The last one I did was a deep dive into fashion in the 1700’s which I think I’ve decided to use in the next requested story. They didn’t ask for it to be historical, but now I want to write about elaborate dresses so there.

“It was lucky.” It wasn’t. I can’t explain why yet though.

Chapter 7:

Y'all ever experienced stitches before? The scars are hard to get rid of. Okay that’s my commentary on that.

Actually no. If Baekhyun had gone to a legitimate doctor they probably would’ve used glue so the scar would be faint, but mafia doctor. Okay moving on.

There are handguns that hold more than seven rounds, but I couldn’t pass up referencing “John Wick 2.”

“I don’t know. Were you thinking, ‘holy shit holy shit, I just almost got shot’?” is a reference to the movie “Get Smart.” Y'all seeing a pattern yet? haha. Mostly just wanted a joke there. It sprung to mind. Although I do have a few lists with lines or words that I’ve seen and written down to use later, then I try to work them in somehow. It’s a dangerous method. It’s breed whole chapters and stories before. But I have a horribly inconsistent memory. Gossamer is a good example. Saw that word used somewhere, went, “ooh I like that word”, wrote it in the list, then used it in this chapter. While we’re on writing technique, I also really love using alliteration to emphasize certain sentences or pretty-up descriptions. It started because I was writing a character that talks in prose and poetry, and he does that all the time, but I liked how it sounded so I just kinda kept doing it. That character is Cole from Dragon Age by the way.

The rest of this is just setting up the mystery. Who in the car was the target? Who was shooting? Who’s the mole? Is there even a mole, or is someone simply following them? Will Baekhyun keep pushing for answers? Will the Boss cause the trouble they’re trying to avoid by retreating inward? Will any of them get killed? How could Baekhyun’s decision near the beginning possibly butterfly more?

Interesting, yes, hm. Time for more sinister cackling.

#thanks for asking #ask game #fatal ties

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askshivanulegacy · 2 years

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Hmmm.. Obi-wan/Anakin? or Anakin/Padme for the ship ask thingy

OOH interesting. >3

Obi-wan/Anakin - DO NOT SHIP

Why don’t you ship it?

I am not above the possible appeal of a master/padawan relationship, but the age difference and the position of one in a clear mentorship role is usually a hangup for me. It really has to be the right characters, but for me that's true about any ship that isn't canon. I love Obi-wan as a character, but he's not a character I prefer to ship with anyone. Maybe it's a Jedi thing. And Anakin isn't a character I care much about, with the way he's been done. Love little!Anakin, still wishing for the Anakin-that-should-have-been: someone experienced and capable who acts that way, with about 10-20 more years on him, minimum. The character we've been given doesn't appeal to me to ship him with anyone. Too immature, too much of a showoff who doesn't think about or care about consequences. His personal angst doesn't even interest me because it's so superficial, and I LOVE angst. :')

What would have made you like it?

The way I imagined the Clone Wars and Anakin's role in them is so much better than what we got. SO much better. This was loooong before the Prequels existed and just. There is something So Good about not getting the full story except for just the barest impression of things, and thinking of the way major historical events that no one talks about must have gone. The way Ben Kenobi talks about Luke's father: an experienced Jedi. A real Jedi Knight, not just someone barely of age to drink. In his 30s, minimum, maybe even 40s or 50s when the fall comes. It becomes something compelling at that point. It's no longer some superficial, 1-D teenage growing-up angst that makes him fall, but something deeper and darker. Something that's had the time to really work on him over those decades, or maybe it comes suddenly and powerfully. But the strength of the Dark Side to corrupt someone at that point in their Jedi career would be truly something to fear, worthy of Vader, not the weak something that took him down so early on.

Anyway, that level of character and experience and complexity for Anakin is what I would need to like shipping him with anyone. I want Level 50 Anakin, not Level 5.

Despite not shipping it, do you have anything positive to say about it?

The fact that it never happened? Honestly, I don't know enough to know the details of that ship or what people do with it. I can only assume that at that level of relationship, Obi-wan would have had more positive influence on Anakin and made him a better person, so that's good, haha.

Anakin/Padme - SHIP IT

What made you ship it?

I mean ... I ship it as much as I'm capable of shipping Anakin with anyone (I'm not)? It's canon. For me, that's 'nuff said. It's there. It IS the story. And I like working within the framework of canon. Except for the whole lack of Anakin development I guess and wishful thinking for the story we deserved.

What are your favorite things about the ship?

I love their interaction when Anakin was a child, actually, especially when he asked if Padme was an angel. It loses that charm later on. I also really love the concept art idea that Padme was carrying knives to assassinate Anakin if he went too far. :') Just the ability to evidently love someone yet see how far they've fallen with no hope of return, and the threat they pose to everyone else - that could have been a powerful and tragic approach that didn't happen. I like the potential of the ship.

Is there an unpopular opinion you have on your ship?

Definitely not my ship, but uhhhhh. Probably everything I've said about it and Anakin already. I know it's popular as-is, but it's the as-is part that gives me the hangup for it. Give me late-30s/early 40s Anakin and then they'd actually be the proper age in A New Hope. XD

#ahahahaha omfg #I was literally trying to type 'do not ship' for Obi and Anakin and instead #my fingers ON THEIR OWN #typed 'no don't ship'#like some kind of WARNING FROM THE UNIVERSE #ffffffff ahahahahaha #it's a message u guys what can I say :')#ANYWAY #I'm not here to criticize anyone who likes these ships #go bonkers it's A+ totally ok #it's just not the content I go after #I suppose there's still potential for my opinion to change after I finally muck my way through the clone wars cartoon #TBD on that #war of wrath #asks #answers #TY for the ask!!

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arielmagicesi · 7 years

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Hi, sorry. So I am new to the st/efvater world, and I've only read one of her books (raven boys), and like I see you posting stuff about her a lot, but only like little bits and pieces, and I feel like I'm missing something and don't understand what's going on cause I'm not really in the fandom; I've just read one book, and don't really know anything about her. I'm sorry, this is rambling mess, but if you could enlighten me a little bit I would appreciate it.

OK I took a while to respond and I’m gonna try to be objective and polite but there isn’t a whole lot of objective politeness in this soul of mine, but I will try.

Maggie St/efvater (I only spell it that way so it doesn’t show up in her tag and annoy people, I’ll just call her Maggie for the rest of this post) is this fairly popular YA author, and she wrote the Wolves of Mercy Falls series, the Scorpio Races, and the Raven Cycle. Her writing is very good (I have some bones to pick about it as a writer but mostly it’s pretty good) and the Raven Cycle in particular has gained a big fandom because it’s an excellent series. I guess you would know cause you’ve read TRB- the concept is unique, it has cool magic stuff, there’s fascinating character concepts, and the teenagers do a lot of realistic teenager stuff like being annoying and cursing and either doing their homework or not, etc. And if I haven’t made it abundantly clear with my posts, a lot of us in the fandom fell in love with the main characters for many reasons, but especially because they represent parts of ourselves that aren’t often represented. Abuse victims who don’t react in a Good Abuse Victim way, poor teenagers who scrape and claw to get out of their shitty towns, mentally ill kids who have ugly unpleasant symptoms, girls who are feminists but whose feminism is a little messy because they grow up in a terrible small town, etc.

Unfortunately, the development of the Raven Cycle fandom online, like the development of ANY goddamn fandom on the accursed Internet, led to some gross pockets of fandom. In the second book, an abusive character called Ka/vinsky shows up, and some heavy subtext suggests that he’s gay and into one of the main characters, Ronan. He’s absolutely awful and monstrous to Ronan and the others, but you know how fandom is, they started shipping it and being like “Ka/vinsky’s just a misunderstood cinnamon roll uwu” and generally being the worst about it. Additionally, some parts of fandom started hating on the two lower-class characters, Adam and Blue, for not always being sweet and nice about the class privilege of all their wealthy friends, and for reacting "badly” to literal abuse and sexism. so the fandom is a mess, yeah

In the second and third books, also, (spoiler alert I guess? I mean if you follow my blog you can’t avoid knowing this haha) it’s suggested and then made all but direct canon, that Ronan is gay and has a crush on Adam. So, like, everyone shipped it because they’re a great ship and it was pretty obvious it was gonna be made canon in book four.

But Maggie interacts a lot with the fandom online, and obviously the clashing of fandom issues like this with any author would lead to some mess, but the way she treated it was....... terrible. She would make jokes about Ronan being Gansey’s “dog” and things like that. She milked the whole “writing a gay character” thing for all it was worth, and would never really say “hey, Adam and Ronan are a romantic thing” but would hint at it constantly, which, if you don’t know, is agonizing to watch when you’re desperate for any representation of your identity. She eventually said “I realize you guys are used to being baited, so don’t worry, the ‘other kiss’ will be between the people you hope it’ll be between” or something like that. And she would talk about Ronan being gay, but never address whether Adam was bi, and god forbid those words were used in the books. In the fourth book, although they do actually kiss and presumably get together, they don’t talk about it, and they never use the words “gay” or “bisexual.” Her excuse was that she’s writing for a world without labels. Leaving aside that that’s bullshit and a straight* woman doesn’t get to say that when we are out here in a homophobic world and saying our labels out loud is a sign of pride, she actually didn’t write a world without labels. The aforementioned Ka/vinsky is constantly using homophobic slurs to describe Ronan, boys at the private school make homophobic jokes, Adam’s dad makes lowkey homophobic remarks, etc. So labels are OK if they’re nasty and negative and used against you, but you’re never allowed to say who you are out loud.

When she gets called out on this whole mess- or a number of other things**- her response is to block people, tell people “if you are hostile one more time you’ll be blocked,” to reply to private posts by teenagers, to sic her army of clueless fans on young LGBT mentally ill readers, to claim that she’s being bullied and attacked, to make vague posts talking about “callout culture” and how it’s mature to avoid “discourse,” etc. I talked a while back about how I’ve made several fully thought-out posts critiquing her, but when I sent her a polite ask about her next book, she replied linking me to one of my own joke posts about “hating” her, making it clear that she apparently has me down on some sort of list of haters or something. And at least she responded privately, so that her other fans didn’t attack me, which has happened to other younger fans before.

She claims to be an ally, but she only really wants the ally points. She’ll talk your ear off about how brave she is for “writing an on-page queer relationship” as a straight woman, but when actual queer teenagers critique her for the way she writes it, she throws a fit and absolutely refuses to listen. She doesn’t want to do the work.

Additionally, she is writing a follow-up series called “the dreamer trilogy” which she drops constant hints about on her social media. It will center on Ronan (naturally, because she’s admitted Ronan is her self-insert and has butchered his character development for the sake of giving him a life identical to hers and fulfilling her fantasies of driving fast cars 24/7 and being an asshole with no consequences) and she’s making it increasingly obvious that none of the other characters we all fell in love with will feature at all. And basically any plotllines we enjoyed, she scraps (often out of spite?), and any plotlines we hate, she makes sure to write tons about (I’m talking about the magical artifact community. No one cares. We started reading for the house of psychics and Glendower and Gwenllian, not the fucking Greenmantles and their haunted doll babies or whatever).

The fandom obviously responded with like “ooh! more Pynch!” because like, fandoms like ships, but ALSO BECAUSE some of us are goddamn LGBT teenagers who are starving for representation and we want to see that “on page queer relationship” she brags about. And yet, at every opportunity, she makes remarks like, “This won’t be a romance. It won’t be the cuddle trilogy. It won’t have relationship drama, that doesn’t interest me. It won’t be fanservice. It won’t be lovey dovey, it won’t be cute, etc.” No, I don’t want fanservice or drama or the cuddle trilogy. But given her history, when Maggie says shit like that, I get worried, as someone who’s been baited a thousand times before. Doesn’t anyone see how awful it is to dangle representation like this? To say “ooh, look, someone who has the same identity as you? Juuuust kidding I’m not writing about it?” She can’t just say what we want to hear, which is “Adam will be there. I’ll say the word gay. I’ll say the word bisexual. Their relationship will be treated as real as Blue and Gansey’s or as any other relationship I write. Not the main focus of the plot, but THERE.” Because she’s not GOING to do any of those things, because writing actual gay relationships makes her uncomfortable. But she can’t say that or she’ll lose her sales.

And when she says all this bullshit about “I won’t write a romance” she gets so much FUCKING praise from her straight readers who think she’s the sun and fucking stars because their shit brand of feminism thinks all romances are equal and romance is insipid drivel and that a feminist book, apparently, is one token white girl who has a pink switchblade being sort-of in the background of a bunch of rich boys fucking around. I’m not saying I didn’t like that very book and that I don’t love that girl and her switchblade, but Maggie has to actually LEARN and IMPROVE and not go backwards. If she wants all this credit for gay representation, she has to actually write gay representation. And if not, I’m not congratulating her for “not writing relationship drama!!!!” because all that says to me is “yuck, I’m not writing gay stuff.” She says “relationship drama doesn’t interest me” and yet she wrote pages upon pages of Blue’s mother making out with a hit man. Relationship drama sure does seem to interest her. This isn’t her taking a Stand against romance, it’s her finding a way to make homophobia seem cool and progressive.

So yeah. That’s why she pisses me off.

*I know I know, “she’s never said her sexuality! How can you call her straight?” On the off chance she’s bisexual (she’s married to a man with kids), that doesn’t excuse her homophobic bullshit. She’s acting like an asshole straight person so yeah I’m gonna call her straight.

**Here are some other problems she’s been called out for and her bullshit reactions:

-Blue is basically the only female character and has no female friends or anything. Maggie says “well none of them had friends!” OK so why isn’t there another girl in the group? Why is her family the only other women who have page time besides villains and other relatives of main characters?

-Gansey gives Adam a lot of grief for not being fond of Gansey’s wealth, but Adam never makes Gansey apologize for blaming Adam for the abuse he endured? Maggie doesn’t have a comment on this, I don’t think.

-In book four, Ronan and Adam make racist jokes at the expense of the One (1) character of color, Henry Cheng. Maggie didn’t address this outright because “spoilers” but made a post about it saying that it wasn’t meant to be a racist joke, it was a throwback to some random joke from book one, and any good reader would know that.

-Blue isn’t a very intersectional feminist, which is fine, but it’s never really addressed, apparently because “all the characters are damn fools!” Who never get any character development except for Adam whose development essentially consists of “I stopped being prejudiced against the rich!” (and lots of other personal things but still)

Yeah, that’s about all I can think of. This didn’t end up being very neutral but I have class in 10 minutes and yeah this is hella long I just wanted to get it all out. I hope I don’t get shit for this, but you know what, anons? Go ahead, send me stuff saying I’m a nasty bitch and should stay away from fandom for criticizing poor Maggie. I don’t even care.

OH AND THEBROKENBREAKINGSEAS: THANK YOU FOR YOUR QUESTION. I know I answered in a horrifically mean tone but that ISN’T directed towards you, you were just asking! Don’t take my words at face value, I’m super biased. If you’re interested, you can go read Maggie’s blog and Twitter account, or other fans’ essays on this, etc. I’m glad you asked! And thanks for still following me after all this stuff haha. I’m normally... nicer? I think? Thanks again.

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fluffi · 3 years

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so should i reply in tiny font or just regular font?

hybe should do better in spreading out the comebacks of the groups under them :/ they're already at a huge advantage, might as well use it strategically. AHA streaming mvs is so convenient for a multi. the filler vids i could use in between could be mvs from the other groups that i stan. also you know what, i still haven't watched a single final performance bc im waiting for a friend to watch with me :D

i have a chinese movie recommendation in case you want something to cry over. i still love its ost and it's been months since i watched it. i'm not sure if you watched it already but more than blue. i've never cried over a movie as much as i cried for that one. the angst *chef's kiss*. i'd do anything to wipe my memory of it and watch it again for the first time.

also sungchan is mc-ing in inkigayo every sunday! and honestly, what the hell is nct hollywood :D but a part of me thinks it's just going to be a bunch of asians living in america like johnny that'll be a part of it. just a hunch tho. imagine having all 4 units coming back in a year with like 1 unit per quarter of the year. i'm not sure if sm even has the money to do this, especially when they filed bankruptcy recently.

and i've seen a lot of twitter memes saying taro's ghosted stans T_T alexa play ghosting by txt T_T sm come on give him smth to do, you're wasting talent.

the mall didn't burn down entirely (like from the outside it looked fine). the ventilation system caught fire so it was more internal—ceilings and all that. covered things with soot(?) and ashes so the entire mall was closed for nearly 2 years. and hey, i've experienced a school fire too back when i was younger. i, too, thought it was nothing but a fire drill until i saw the charred remains of the buildings behind our school : D thankfully, no one died.

the new nct track is for a samsung commercial AHAHA it's funny because nearly everyone uses apple TT_TT and the mv screams neo culture tech tho (well as it should lmao). yes, i was talking about that part in hot sauce but yes, it grew on me too.

ateez really know how to do a performance. they put the standard so high for me when it came to performing. their facial expressions and overall stage presence just impresses me. it's been a while since i've seen idols draw me to them by those standards.

ah, the long stan list! good luck in getting through it and i hope you do have fun as you go :] (also you can check out aurora by ateez and whiplash by tbz. the songs popped up in my head as i was typing this reply, you might like them)

ohhhh, what was the pd48 scandal? i don't watch survival shows so i don't know any of the stuff going on. would you care to elaborate? about their disbandment :(( i hope you're okay now tho! are the other girls still debuting in new groups? anyone eyeing an acting career instead of being an idol?

YES, A PATTERN IN THE BIASES (if you count an analysis of two ppl as a pattern, that is.) because it's the same pattern i have for my biaswreckers :D jake & seungmin, not only do they have the same animal to represent them, they have the same 'golden retriever' type of personality that just makes you go all soft. ygwim ;n; i wish i could elaborate but both boys just devastate me in the same level and my friends pointed out that they were quite similar in some aspects.

jaemin used to send really long bbl messages :< like if there was anything he loved most it was nctzens and it was obv in his messages. speaking of dream, album repackage news today! idk what to feel bc my hot sauce albums haven't even arrived yet :D + i'm dead br0ke.

how do you even manage to read 30k TT__TT i cant handle long fics bc of my attention span :D also, yes, i found the user now, i'll check if i'll like their works soon. <33

YES YOU SHOULDVE BEEN THERE T_T what a day that was. i think seungmin is still sweet and active in bbl. not a single cent goes to waste with him. also i think i'll post the drabble some time this month.

and oml seungmin vs jake :o let's see how that goes O.O XDD

clickity-clackity AHAH do you have a mechanical keyboard? :c i wanted one too but i haven't got around to saving up for one. but yes indeed, typing asmr v relaxing \m/

sunny hyuck day, fullsun sunday, fullsunday T_T feels were very strong that day. i kept seeing edits on my twt tl and i would just s o b : D i've only stanned nct for a year but i've seen him grow so much i just wanted to crie i love him sm :') yk my mom didn't cook spaghetti for my birthday, but she cooked for hyuck's? : D

and i checked ur recs blog and indeed, full of nct T_T

also have i mentioned that your desktop thing amuses me so much HAHAH i got confused for a sec if i had twt opened or tumblr. plus, i've been wanting to mention that i noticed that our mobile themes are opposites. black and red, white and blue. it's cute XDD <3

help, people have been telling me that our asks are long but i highkey love it. i added a ‘keep reading’ for the mobile users though, sorry in advance hh.

honestly, both works. tiny font saves space but regular font does more justice for my poor eyes haha. its your call!

hybe comebacks :( yeah enhypen got lucky because they came back right before cb season so they got three wins (yay)! on the bright side, txt just got their first win and bts has six wins, so it all works out i guess. omg yes, the streaming thing is perfect. i stan like 20 groups so i have a never-ending cycle of filler mvs and its always so helpful. ooh for the final performances - you wont regret watching any of them! literally wild, kingdom's budget and talent are wild.

ooh, I don't watch any cdramas lmao. i want to but i can barely finish kdramas. if its a movie ill watch it! ive never heard of more than blue but ill check it out <3 where can i watch it?

yes yes i have just realized that sungchan is yujin's co-mc! i watched their special stage (which is literally adorable) and was today years old when i realized that the dude is sungchan pls. nct hollywood was so unexpected and i still have mixed feelings about it now. LMAO JUST ASIANS LIVING IN AMERICA...help. that would be interesting (?) but the concept reminds me of those horrendous awesomeness tv shows. lets hope sm pulls this off well and proves me wrong. lmao all 4 units coming back would probably happen, but i hope none of them get overworked :( i constantly feel like mork lee has four clones :'( also...sm filed bankcruptcy??? dang, what happened?

ugh omg yeah shotaros talent is seriously being wasted in the basement right now. as for fires, scary T-T i wasnt that fazed by them until the australia wildfires happened, and i learned about the consequences of fire and got really scared. its good that the entire mall didnt burn down though! although its weird that no one is opening it :( schools really need to tell us the difference between drills though, it might be dangerous for those rebellious kids.

yeah i just realized that the nct track is an endorsement which partly explains why i cant listen to it. the mv's visuals are stunning!! the set and people are so gorgeous aa i cant

oh yeah im not an atiny but i have acknowledged since 2020 that they have one of the best, if not the best stage presence and expressions on stage for 4th gen. i think their only worthy competitor would be stray kids actually. theyre truly one of a kind and all of them are cute especially that yeosang guy. i will definitely check out your song recommendations though!

oof the pd48 scandal is extremely complicated. to condense it in a few statements: all of the girls' rankings have been rigged since the very beginning and it was rumored that they already had their end group before the show even started. it was like this for pf48 and pdx101 (group x1) which was why x1 disbanded within a month of debuting, and izone were on hiatus for like 4 months. im not the best at explaining stuff like this haha, but i think you get it. you can check out yt or search up 'pd48 scandal', a ton of articles and videos. as for new groups, nothing has been made clear yet. theyve only made instagram handles for now and appeared on variety shows haha. as for acting career, hyewon was supposed to do acting but was forced to join pd48 so maybe she'll continue acting afterwards? nothing is confirmed yet!

lmao two similarities, its okay it counts. ah, true, i can see their similarities now that youve mentioned it, as well as how jeno is kind of like that. however, i am currently attached to jaemin so we'll see what happens from there hehe. i swerve easily.

jaemin on bubble grr, that would be a whole experience. from the bare minimum of vidoes ive seen for him wbk jaemin is so whipped for czennies. ah yes repackage! i saw the post on instagram and went to the comments to see everything screaming ‘iM bROke!’ and it was lowkey hilarious lmao. kpop is really trying to suck our money T-T.

ope the longest fic ive read is like...40k words i think? and it was by jeonginks. ill read anything eiko produces lmao, theres always so much substance in her work. ooh, tell me what you think of luvdsc’s stuff, i just finished binging their entire masterlist lmao.

seungmin vs jake yeah, i havent been catching up on skz enha content because im still obsessing over the dreamies but when that saga is over then im going to focus on my ults lmao (which might include dream soon, hehe).

yes yes i have a mechanical bluetooth keyboard that i use to connect to my computer! it literally sounds amazing lmao, its only 10am here but i feel like im going to doze off from the clickity clackitys already. i cant wait for you to get one! tell me when you do, we can match hehe.

hyuck is an aodrable brat please. hes like the best comedian of nct at this point, so hilarious and filled with variety i love him. he rose up my bias list pretty fast too. LMAO YOUR MOM IS SO COOL I LOVE HER ALREADY. if only my mom would cook for my ults’ borndays.

yes my rec blog is a mess right now, ill organize it soon haha.

omg thank you and yes my website theme is one-of-a-kind. even i get confused when i open it or edit it, and i constantly get comments about it. also i just realized our opposing theme colors and i love it! its adorable.

#long post #also im listening to love song right now haha i love it so much #also sorry for not answering yesterday hhh i got busy last night #「 asks 」#moots — [♡] ;#toffee — [♡] ;#neo-shitty

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