#she's so fucked up I love her
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The eternal opposing relationship between the two sides of a mirror
or: In defense of Shiori
I feel like Shiori is one of the most controversial characters in Utena. Some love her, others despise her. And I don't have a problem with people having strong opinions on her character. What bothers me is the tendency to exaggerate her most negative traits, focus on her most harmful actions, completely ignore any redeeming qualities she might have and then paint her as a one dimensional villainous caricature, a mean straight girl who plays with the lesbian's feelings for the sake of it, without anything deeper going on.
I'm aware of the fact that some people refer to her like that in endearment or in a satirical fashion, and I'm not saying that you can't consider her your favorite problematic evil girl representation. I'm only trying to make people realize that it's her complexity that actually makes her such a compelling character.
I've seen people call Shiori all sorts of names, some of which were baffling enough to make me wonder if they even remembered what happens in the show, and weren't just judging a version of the character that they made up in their head.
So, let's look at the things Shiori actually does, throughout the course of the story.
Disclaimer: I'm only going to take the series into the account here, because I think we can all agree that everyone's characterization and personality differs at least slightly in the movie. Background characters also get a lot less screen time to explain their motivations in order to fully focus on Anthy's journey and struggles, which is understandable.
1. She "steals" the boy from Juri.
This is her biggest crime, which seems to define her from the very beginning. Even though Juri didn't actually have any romantic feelings for him, this action is detrimental to their relationship - it breaks the trio apart, isolates Juri from the pair, is an act of betrayal against her and proves it was done with full awareness that it would hurt Juri emotionally.
Shiori is a deeply insecure person, who constantly feels inadequate and beneath other people. The only reason why Juri seemed to actually like her that Shiori could think of was pity, and even when she found out she was the object of her romantic affection all along, she still struggled to comprehend it. Her self loathing and constant perceived inferiority make her desperate to gain any sort of control over her life and relationships, but they're also the exact reason she feels that the only way she could ever do that is by hurting others. She's always one step below and incapable of crossing that distance, therefore the only way to become equal to people is to bring them down to her level, by humiliation.
When she "steals" the boy from Juri, she achieves that. For a moment, she feels good about herself and leaves Ohtori thinking that she has found the answer, the solution. But she's wrong. From that moment on, it becomes more and more apparent to her that what she did was never out of love for the boy, even though she doesn't let herself acknowledge it fully. Because the truth is, Shiori actually regrets hurting Juri, which she admits herself during her elevator confession.
When the guilt starts getting to her, her confidence high wears off, and she ends up feeling ever worse.
That's why she breaks up with him and comes back. She's not ready to leave yet, not ready to progress. There's still something binding her to Ohtori - Juri, and Shiori's unresolved feelings for her.
2. She tries to set things right with Juri and to fix their relationship.
Even though at this point Shiori still thinks that Juri only ever associated herself with her out of pity, she still makes several attempts to get closer to Juri, who understandably (albeit coldly) turns her down ever time. This is a very clear sign of conflicting feelings Shiori has for Juri - jealousy and admiration, resentment and longing, hate and love. After all, Shiori admits that the two practically grew up together. Their friendship may have always felt fake to Shiori, but she clearly cherished it deeply.
3. The Black Rose Arc.
First of all, we should establish what is the purpose of this arc and how it functions. It explores the motivations of background characters and shows their worst side to the audience. The characters that end up in the elevator are the most unstable, vulnerable ones, with the least power in the system, in unequal and/or exploitive relationships with the duelists and their agency under threat. Mikage offers them a way to gain that power by making them follow their most toxic, negative emotions. And despite all other characters doing exactly that, from what I've seen Shiori is the one that gets the most hate for it. I don't think she should be judged any harsher for what she did under the influence of the black rose than, let's say, Wakaba or Kozue. Especially because the reason all of them ended up in that elevator is because they recognized that these urges were harmful and were seeking help and counseling.
What this arc does do is reveal how Shiori's inferiority complex drives her to act against her own desires. Even though she longs for things to be different, even though she is not happy at all with how her relationship with Juri looks like, she is unable to fix it, because that would require her to consider her own affection for Juri. And she can't do that, because it would mean admitting that she's not stronger than Juri, that she hasn't beaten her, that she's doesn't have control and an advantage over her. Although she tries to keep up this smug, self-assured facade, the reality shines through.
They key to understanding Shiori is noticing that she specifically doesn't want to acknowledge that Juri's feelings are reciprocated, and the obsession is mutual. If you paint their relationship as one sided, you're actually falling for her act.
4. She enters a relationship with Ruka.
Ruka is a handsome (arguable), respected boy who appears out of nowhere and starts showing interest in Shiori. It's obvious that for an insecure girl, who in addition struggles with confusing repressed feelings, this would be something unthinkably wonderful. The affection and praise she gets from him is exactly what her low self-esteem craves. You might be wondering why she didn't perceive Juri's feelings for her in the same way. And a part of the answer might be that, post nameless-boy-incident, Juri was nothing but cold to her. She might have been pining after Shiori from afar, but in the end she's distant and untouchable, and they're divided by their messy past. Meanwhile Ruka is a clean slate, seems openly affectionate, engaged in their relationship and he pays attention to her. But I think the main thing that makes Ruka so different from Juri is the fact that...he's a boy. Because, as Revolutionary Girl Utena establishes, gender plays a crucial role in interpersonal dynamics. Attention from a boy is fundamentally coded as romantic, desirable, necessary and most importantly: increases the girl's worth in society's eyes. It makes one a princess. Meanwhile Juri's advances could only be seen as an invitation to friendship, at best. But Juri's status and beauty make her special, while Shiori is not. Therefore, it can only be pity and mockery.
Of course, Ruka only uses Shiori to influence Juri and dumps her as soon as he achieves his goals. It's true that Shiori could have listened to Juri's warnings, but then again... why should she? From her perspective, Juri's her ex-friend that doesn't want anything to do with her, who only suddenly comes to Shiori when she's finally happy and fulfilled, and encourages her to end it. She doesn't know the wider context of the situation, nor does she remember the Black Rose arc. Juri's warnings don't sound sincere to her.
And so, Ruka gets rid of her in the coldest, most indifferent way, not explaining anything or showing even the slightest sign of compassion. Before that though, he makes an interesting remark, about Shiori putting on an act and polishing somebody else's sword.
Honestly, I don't really know how to interpret it in any other way than Shiori actually having feelings for someone else, despite trying her hardest to conceal it. Are my shipping lenses not allowing me to see any different possibilities? Am I going crazy? I don't know.
Nevertheless, Shiori begs him to stay, devastated. Her life got turned around so suddenly, she found appreciation, status, comfort and stability, and now all that's been taken away from her as abruptly as it was given. It's a public humiliation.
I once heard someone say that this would be the perfect moment for Juri to step in and defend her. And to be honest, although it may be true, I'm not completely sure. It may have been the one display of open care that Shiori needed from her, but it might as well have been interpreted by Shiori as Juri affirming her superiority over her and feeling sorry for her again. We will never know. In my opinion, so much of their relationship is going on in their own heads that the only thing that could ever cause positive progress is communication (which neither of them seem to be a fan of).
Instead, Juri only tries to console her after the fact, when Shiori's at her absolute lowest. In the context of all the assumptions Shiori holds and Juri's previous indifference, it quite understandably comes off as a sneering attempt to gloat.
That's about it. You may have noticed that I've summarized all Shiori's appearances into 4 points, and only one of them includes an instance of Shiori hurting Juri voluntarily, out of her own free will, not influenced by anyone. I'm not saying that she was forced to taunt Juri during the Black Rose Arc, I'm not trying to diminish the suffering she's caused or trying to paint her as a perfectly good person. I am trying to make it clear that she is not some cunning plotter, dedicating every minute of her life to finding ways to make Juri suffer that some people seem to take her for. I am trying to humanize people's perception of her a little bit. Especially considering the fact that last scenes of her include those when she waits for Juri and follows her so that they can go home together, and then joins the fencing club. If this doesn't show that she's capable of change, I don't know what does.
She's not an innocent princess, that's true, but she's not just an egoistical, manipulative liar either. She's a bit of both. After all, if Revolutionary Girl Utena is supposed to teach you anything, then I think it's that we're all just people, and the complexities of human experience make it impossible to fit anyone into a box, assigning them definite labels like "princess" or "witch".
And if you look at a teenage girl who, like all people in Ohtori, struggle under the system of patriarchy and heterosexuality, and all you see is a wicked, sinister witch, then you may have just fallen into the trap that the narrative had set for you.
#Shiori: I may be pathetic but you're the one who fell for me lol#no fr you don't need to make up reasons to hate shiori there's plenty enough right there in the text#rgu#revolutionary girl utena#shiori takatsuki#juriori#I guess#she's so fucked up I love her#like girl feeling delighted after finding out your bestie has a crush on you is not very straight no matter how you justify it#moje
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OC-tober Day 11: OC in Formal Clothing!
For the emperors of the Miraki Empire - formal just means 1) all the gold you could want and 2) their true draconic appearances. Ya'Elrah enjoys flaunting both.
OC-tober prompts by @Inked_Wing on twitter
#girlboss girlslay girlmanslaughter!#she's so fucked up i love her#oc#october#october art prompts#october art challenge#october prompts#inktober#yaelrah#ya'elrah
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watching jessica jones first and foremost kristen ritter is HOT secondly david tennant isn't an actor he's a fucking shapeshifter
#that's not david tennant that's kilgrave and seeing his face makes me want to curl into a ball and scream#god. i fucking hate him oh my god i am filled with pure horror whenever he is onscreen. GUH disgusting gfggffscvdvdvd :(#anyways jessica jones if you are free on thursday i am also free on thursday i am free whenever maam#she's so fucked up i love her#bluebird.txt#this poor little meow meow kills except she doesn't kill but she will fuck you up#jessica jones
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at some point it's just like. do they even fucking like the thing they're asking AI to make? "oh we'll just use AI for all the scripts" "we'll just use AI for art" "no worries AI can write this book" "oh, AI could easily design this"
like... it's so clear they've never stood in the middle of an art museum and felt like crying, looking at a piece that somehow cuts into your marrow even though the artist and you are separated by space and time. they've never looked at a poem - once, twice, three times - just because the words feel like a fired gun, something too-close, clanging behind your eyes. they've never gotten to the end of the movie and had to arrive, blinking, back into their body, laughing a little because they were holding their breath without realizing.
"oh AI can mimic style" "AI can mimic emotion" "AI can mimic you and your job is almost gone, kid."
... how do i explain to you - you can make AI that does a perfect job of imitating me. you could disseminate it through the entire world and make so much money, using my works and my ideas and my everything.
and i'd still keep writing.
i don't know there's a word for it. in high school, we become aware that the way we feel about our artform is a cliche - it's like breathing. over and over, artists all feel the same thing. "i write because i need to" and "my music is how i speak" and "i make art because it's either that or i stop existing." it is such a common experience, the violence and immediacy we mean behind it is like breathing to me - comes out like a useless understatement. it's a cliche because we all feel it, not because the experience isn't actually persistent. so many of us have this ... fluttering urgency behind our ribs.
i'm not doing it for the money. for a star on the ground in some city i've never visited. i am doing it because when i was seven i started taking notebooks with me on walks. i am doing it because in second grade i wrote a poem and stood up in front of my whole class to read it out while i shook with nerves. i am doing it because i spent high school scribbling all my feelings down. i am doing it for the 16 year old me and the 18 year old me and the today-me, how we can never put the pen down. you can take me down to a subatomic layer, eviscerate me - and never find the source of it; it is of me. when i was 19 i named this blog inkskinned because i was dramatic and lonely and it felt like the only thing that was actually permanently-true about me was that this is what is inside of me, that the words come up over everything, coat everything, bloom their little twilight arias into every nook and corner and alley
"we're gonna replace you". that is okay. you think that i am writing to fill a space. that someone said JOB OPENING: Writer Needed, and i wrote to answer. you think one raindrop replaces another, and i think they're both just falling. you think art has a place, that is simply arrives on walls when it is needed, that is only ever on demand, perfect, easily requested. you see "audience spending" and "marketability" and "multi-line merch opportunity"
and i see a kid drowning. i am writing to make her a boat. i am writing because what used to be a river raft has long become a fully-rigged ship. i am writing because you can fucking rip this out of my cold dead clammy hands and i will still come back as a ghost and i will still be penning poems about it.
it isn't even love. the word we use the most i think is "passion". devotion, obsession, necessity. my favorite little fact about the magic of artists - "abracadabra" means i create as i speak. we make because it sluices out of us. because we look down and our hands are somehow already busy. because it was the first thing we knew and it is our backbone and heartbreak and everything. because we have given up well-paying jobs and a "real life" and the approval of our parents. we create because - the cliche again. it's like breathing. we create because we must.
you create because you're greedy.
#every time someones like ''AI will replace u" im like. u will have to fucking KILL ME#there is no replacement here bc i am not filling a position. i am just writing#and the writing is what i need to be doing#writeblr#this probably doesn't make sense bc its sooo frustrating i rarely speak it the way i want to#edited for the typo wrote it and then was late to a meeting lol#i love u people who mention my typos genuinely bc i don't always catch them!!!! :) it is doing me a genuine favor!!!#my friend says i should tell you ''thank you beta editors'' but i don't know what that means#i made her promise it isn't a wolf fanfiction thing. so if it IS a wolf thing she is DEAD to me (just kidding i love her)#hey PS PS PS ??? if ur reading this thinking what it's saying is ''i am financially capable of losing this'' ur reading it wrong#i write for free. i always have. i have worked 5-7 jobs at once to make ends meet.#i did not grow up with access or money. i did not grow up with connections or like some kind of excuse#i grew up and worked my fucking ASS OFF. and i STILL!!! wrote!!! on the side!!! because i didn't know how not to!!!#i do not write for money!!!! i write because i fuckken NEED TO#i could be in the fucking desert i could be in the fuckken tundra i could be in total darkness#and i would still be writing pretentious angsty poetry about it#im not in any way saying it's a good thing. i'm not in any way implying that they're NOT tryna kill us#i'm saying. you could take away our jobs and we could go hungry and we could suffer#and from that suffering (if i know us) we'd still fuckin make art.#i would LOVE to be able to make money doing this! i never have been able to. but i don't NEED to. i will find a way to make my life work#even if it means being miserable#but i will not give up this thing. for the whole world.
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You know Ghost has to be the best fucking pillow. He's a giant of a man, beefy and strong, with a nice warm layer of softness covering his muscles. He's a radiator of heat. Laying on the couch, can hardly fund one that's long enough his feet don't hang off the edge, you just want to drape yourself on top of him. Snoozing against his chest, your legs tangled with his, he drags his fingers up and down your spine soothing you deeper to sleep.
Sleep is so hard for Ghost to come by, but he's happy to be of service for you. And maybe he even finds himself dozing, his fingers trailing slower and slower until his head drops to the side, his eyes too heavy to keep open any longer. He naps on the couch with you, snoring as you raise and lower with each intake of breath into his barrel chest. Neither of you have ever been safer, neither of you less alone, neither of you have slept better than you do right now.
#cod x reader#x reader#simon ghost riley#simon ghost riley x reader#ghost x reader#ghost mw2#ghost call of duty#ghost cod#simon riley cod#i am so fucking tired i wish my boyf was here so i could sleep on him#i wanna sleep on Ghost i bet its nice#Darling notes:#die wraps her tail around Ghost's leg to hold onto him#Love always wraps her arms around his waist when she cuddles up#Goose always pushes her face into Ghost's neck so he can feel her breathing
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Nothing in the world belongs to me
But my love, mine, all mine
#genshin impact#arlecchino#peruere#clervie#ouhhhhhhhh im never gonna be able to emotionally recover from watching that animated short#ever since it came out a couple days ago just thinking of these two makes me feel like my heart is physically being ripped in half#i cant stop thinking about how Clervie was the only person in Arlecchino's life that she truly loved#like dont get me wrong Arlecchino loves her children in her own detached-fucked up way as much as any person with her amount of trauma can#but Clervie meant so much to her that even just her presence alone kept Arle's curse at bay#and it seems that no one other than Clervie herself has ever been able to break this unemotional/detached wall that Arle has put up#and maybe no one else ever will#DONT GET ME WRONG I still fw arle x other female harbingers like that shit is still peak#but oh my god the idea that arle never moved on after clervie's death and will never love anyone the way she loved her makes me want to SOB
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BLOOD SOAKED FALIN!!! BLOOD SOAKED FALIN!!! BLOOD SOAKED FALIN!!! BLOOD SOAKED FALIN!!! BLOOD SOAKED FALINNNNNNNNNNN!!!
#FALIN FALIN FALIN#FALIN TOUDEN FALIN TOUDEN#FALIN TOUDEN#oh falin touden#falin touden#wow#soo cool girl#love the blood where'd u get it :3?#bonus the two bath scence screenshots i got#just for YOU farcillers#ignore the laios#oh but the one where shes all bundled up awh awh#and whnn and when she whsiper senshis name :((((((((#abububbububbbububububububuuuu#OH BUT THE ANIMAITON WHEN SHE WAS RESSERUCTED???????#THE WAY HER BODY CAME BACK TOGETHER???#SO FUCKING COOL MAN OH MY GOD#WOW SHES SO COOL#i need to chew on her but far differently from the way i wanna chew on laios#but like the same amount of urge to chew on him too#gotta chew on these toudens#when the when the FUCK#edit um#forgot main tags#dungeon meshi spoilers#dungeon meshi#delicious in dungeon spoilers#delicious in dungeon#dunmeshi#dunmeshi spoilers
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Here we go again.
#// scopophobia#// blood#my art#fanart#fandom character#chell portal#portal#portal 2#glados#wheatley#// god i love chell so much#// her view on trust being completely skewed and shattered over and over - then rectified in a completely unexpected way#// i think she should be a little bit fucked up as a treat
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In Knives Out Blanc wanted to do the murder mystery investigation with Marta so bad, but she was certain she was guilty so she spent a good amount of the movie avoiding/hiding stuff from him
Meanwhile in Glass Onion Helen was fucking carrying the investigation, even while accidentally getting drunk, and even went to investigation lengths Blanc was hesitant to do
#knives out#glass onion#ko: marta actively ruins evidence due to her perceived guilt. blanc knew the entire time she was innocent or ill intent#go: helen fucking diving forward to eavesdrop on duke/miles/whiskey better. helen tossing a tape recorder in birdie's bag. helen listening#in on lionel & claires freak out at the pool. helen did all the research on her sisters journals to get as into the role as possible#marta only standing up for her rightful inheritance at the end after everything vs helen down to ruin those shitheads from the start#i love these movies & the duality in the chars/victims & how it ends. marta gets the house. helen burns miles' down. its just!!!!! AHHH#i just rewatched knives out again so i can rewatch glass onion again tomorrow. im so normal about this series#tc posts#*of ill intent gdi. tumblr mobile let me edit tags
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Marcille im lov you <333
#dungeon meshi#marcille donato#my art#dunmeshi#BROOOO marcille is so cool like goody two shoes top of the class#who is ALSO that one guy whos like 'nooo dark magic is just misunderstood'#what a god tier combo it makes me love her so much#girlie who does everything by the book but that book is evil and forbidden#SPOILER -#when she resurrected falin in that fucked up ritual that's when I really started to love her#AUGHH like she's a straight A student. she's slightly insane. her hair is gorgeous. she's also a catastrophic lesbian#character of all time
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I wonder how many times Clark and the batkids + Alfred revived Bruce with the Lazarus Pit and just never told him abt it
#he pieces it together later but i mean. its so hard for him to miss now that hes looking back at it#like why is he always always always cold with a turtleneck on and heating blasting#why is his appetite so scarce? how come his sleep deprived body withstands hours - sometimes DAYS - of patrol#and functions perfectly? how come time passes by but he stays the same? why wont clark and dick stop giving gim#*him looks of loving grief?#why does harley slam her fists on her head when she sees him? ' no no no you're gone. you're GONE. I KNOW you are!'#why does selina smile at him with such heavy pity ' sorry bruce. i don't do ghosts'#bruce wayne#dc#dc comics#batman#batfamily#clark kent#dick grayson#jason todd#bc they def exclude the cloning. they dont want another bruce. they want THEIR bruce. tim#like can you imagine jason getting up in tim's face and just ' if you're not gonna stand by us then stay out of our way'#dark bruce? tired. dark BATKIDS? sign me the FUCK up#batdad#text
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havent drawn all of them in a WHILE ✸
#critical role#bells hells#critrole#ashton greymoore#orym of the air ashari#imogen temult#chetney pock o'pea#fearne calloway#laudna#fresh cut grass#bell's hells#art#my art#almost gave up on this so many times#but that chet wolf and side profile ashton were just too good to give up on#and as always fearne looks so good#really proud of the imogen here too i think she looks so cute#i had to redraw her so many times im so bad at drawing her :[#ANYWAY HI I FINALLY MAKE ART AND POST IT#been having the worst art block ever :(#its made me so depressed and then i got even more depressed cuz i wasnt being productive but i couldnt do anything cuz i was depressed#:((( why does my hobby make me sad and want to quit#um anyways did you guys watch that new dungmeshi episode#the tonal whiplash was fucking crazy i loved it
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Life's beauty is like a myriad of flowers, and I want to pluck the one that never wilts.
#hey ruanmei gang its me again. Ya boy#i love. LOVE. overgrown nature themes and seeing her lab with all t he fucking glass TUBES and PLANTS and everything so neat and tidy i#just wanna see it all UNRAVEL bro i want it FUCKED UP#i think abt ruan mei abandoning her creations the things she raised bc they dont serve a purpose for her anymore but the plants keep reachi#g for the sunlight right. so full of life regardless of if they feel or think or speak. just like ruan mei huh.#im running out of space ill talk another time#ruan mei#honkai star rail#honkai star rail fanart#cele draws
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(Mostly) Harumi centric doodle page for a friend
#mortal kombat 1#mk1#mortal kombat#harumi shirai#tomas vrbada#mk smoke#kuai liang#mk scorpion#hanzo hasashi#I still don’t know how to feel about her and Kuai Liang#unless nrs releases more content#I dunno I think they have potential to be a cute couple but for now it’s still sus#also! I love to hc that harumi got Tomas to open up to kuai#cause uhhh the Lin Kuei kinda killed his family#so harumi is like ‘ey bro they’re not so bad when you get to know them… except for bi Han… fuck that guy’#bi Han would highkey make a tree house and put up a ‘no girls allowed’ sign and she never forgave him for that#if bi Han ends up being the reason she dies in this timeline it would kinda be funny cause he’d be like ‘I never liked you’#and she’d be like ‘me neither you stupid boy’#and he’s like ‘yknow what this isnt even about kuai liang anymore- screw you’#doodles#my art
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ms jay herself (and apple)
#ive been grappling with her design the most i feel.... i need it to be good enough for her 😭😭😭 ily jay ilysm wehhghghhhh#dude drawing the pin i realized just how much circles dont exist to me. theyve disappeared from my art completely. fuck you circles. fuck y#just roll with it#jrwi riptide#jay ferin#jrwi apple#i will tag every little critter ok it just feels right#my art#ok theres one bastard left i will deal with him.. later. maybe tmrw#fuck i got to the part where he gets some tats hhhgotta figure out how i wanna draw those#jay bad posture while tinkering is real to me. shes all hunched. shes shrimping.#she tinkers at night while the others r sleeping n she stretches n yells n wakes them up#guys i love drunk jay so much.... when her and lizzie got plastered... so good...........
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