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nerdgirlnarrates · 3 months

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Even though it's been months since I switched from neurosurgery to internal medicine, I still have a hard time not being angry about the training culture and particularly the sexism of neurosurgery. It wasn't the whole reason I switched, but truthfully it was a significant part of my decision.

I quickly got worn out by constantly being questioned over my family plans. Within minutes of meeting me, attendings and residents felt comfortable lecturing me on the difficulties of having children as a neurosurgeon. One attending even suggested I should ask my co-residents' permission before getting pregnant so as not to inconvenience them. I do not have children and have never indicated if I plan to have any. Truthfully, I do want children, but I would absolutely have foregone that to be a neurosurgeon. I wanted to be a neurosurgeon more than anything. But I was never asked: it was simply assumed that I would want to be a mother first. Purely because I'm a woman, my ambitions were constantly undermined, assumed to be lesser than those of my male peers. Women must want families, therefore women must be less committed. It was inconceivable that I might put my career first. It was impossible to disprove this assumption: what could I have done to demonstrate my commitment more than what I had already done by leading the interest group, taking a research year, doing a sub-I? My interest in neurosurgery would never be viewed the same way my male peers' was, no matter what I did. I would never be viewed as a neurosurgeon in the same way my male peers would be, because I, first and foremost, would be a mother. It turns out women don't even need to have children to be a mother: it is what you essentially are. You can't be allowed to pursue things that might interfere with your potential motherhood.

Furthermore, you are not trusted to know your own ambitions or what might interfere with your motherhood. I am an adult woman who has gone to medical school: I am well aware of what is required in reproduction, pregnancy, and residency, as much as one can be without experiencing it firsthand. And yet, it was always assumed that I had somehow shown up to a neurosurgery sub-I totally ignorant of the demands of the career and of pregnancy. I needed to be enlightened: always by men, often by childless men. Apparently, it was implausible that I could evaluate the situation on my own and come to a decision. I also couldn't be trusted to know what I wanted: if I said I wanted to be a neurosurgeon more than a mother, I was immediately reassured I could still have a family (an interesting flip from the dire warnings issued not five minutes earlier in the conversation). People could not understand my point, which was that I didn't care. I couldn't mean that, because women are fundamentally mothers. I needed to be guided back to my true role.

Because everyone was so confident in their sexist assumptions that I was less committed, I was not offered the same training, guidance, or opportunities as the men. I didn't have projects thrown my way, I didn't get check-ins or advice on my application process, I didn't get opportunities in the OR that my male peers got, I didn't get taught. I once went two whole days on my sub-I without anyone saying a word to me. I would come to work, avoid the senior resident I was warned hated trainees, figure out which OR to go to on my own, scrub in, watch a surgery in complete silence without even the opportunity to cut a knot, then move to the next surgery. How could I possibly become a surgeon in that environment? And this is all to say nothing of the rape jokes, the advice that the best way for a woman to match is to be as hot as possible, listening to my attending advise the male med students on how to get laid, etc.

At a certain point, it became clear it would be incredibly difficult for me to become a neurosurgeon. I wouldn't get research or leadership opportunities, I wouldn't get teaching or feedback, I wouldn't get mentorship, and I wouldn't get respect. I would have to fight tooth and nail for every single piece of my training, and the prospect was just exhausting. Especially when I also really enjoyed internal medicine, where absolutely none of this was happening and I even had attendings telling me I would be good at it (something that didn't happen in neurosurgery until I quit).

I've been told I should get over this, but I don't know how to. I don't know how to stop being mad about how thoroughly sidelined I was for being female. I don't know how to stop being bitter that my intelligence, commitment, and work ethic meant so much less because I'm a woman. I know I made the right decision to switch to internal medicine, and it probably would have been the right decision even if there weren't all these issues with the culture of neurosurgery, but I'm still so angry about how it happened.

#I would love to do something about this but I have no idea how to #even the faculty that I do really admire and respect seem entrenched in some of these attitudes #it's really hard to convince people that women aren't traitors in the making #simply because we might get pregnant one day and need time off #oh I also heard people shittalking a resident that was on maternity leave #and saying she wasn't serious about neurosurgery #so it's just inevitable #I'm not the only female student that feels this way btw #there's a reason no women have applied to nsgy from my school in years #sexism #neurosurgery #surgery #medicine #medical school #med school #med student #medblr #my content #my text posts

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ultrainfinitepit · 1 year

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Moon Cycle 2 - a redraw of this piece.

#town of puddle #ocs #a few people were wondering about the meaning so I'll try to explain it #it's a bit about failing to be the daughter or child who fits in or lives up to expectations #it's also about mommy issues and passing those down in a cycle #hence moon cycle!#each of the little angels represents a mother and child #I was inspired by that one scene in Turning Red #the central figure is inspired by the pregnant woman in Klimt's Hope II #she's the symbolic Mother Moon #a fusion of all the mothers in the Moon family #she loves her baby very much but her eyes are closed to the cycle she is a part of #it's kind of a sad piece but it's also very much about motherly love

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soybean-official · 5 months

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The parts of you that support me

#mgs2 my favorite game i love you #metal gear solid 2 #mgs2 sons of liberty #mgs2 raiden #rosemary mgs #emma emmerich #Anyways let me elaborate on the piece here in the tags again #I really like the skeletal motif that raiden's rib cage suit and the aicolonel's face turning into a skull have going on #so it's kind of an extension here. It's 'parts of me that support you' that are outlined as the bones.#For raiden his vitals are literally keeping sunny alive. So his rib cage. For the colonel he's constantly feeding raiden bad info to keep-#-the mission afloat. His skull #For emma she created the arsenal gear worm (hands)#And for rose i mean obviously like. shes pregnant in this game. but its got a bigger meaning for the plot and for raiden specifically #since it's part of the reason why he tries to be better. Her connection to him is what keeps him grounded during the whole mission #and together they all form the 'vital' organs #Alternatively i wanted to name this 'malfunctioning machine' but anyone can probably figure out that one if they wanted. Lol #Back to your regularly scheduled tagging program!#beanie art #mgs fanart #metal gear solid fanart #mgs2 fanart #mgs2

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theriverdraws · 1 year

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#My original idea was to make a cute drawing about Julieta and Agustin marrying in secret so it would be too late to stop them #but then I had a genius moment #and here we are #btw Agustín Pepa and Bruno are well aware she's not pregnant #just in case that wasnt clear enough znshsnhsh #encanto #encanto disney #art #my art #julieta madrigal #agustin madrigal #alma madrigal #abuela madrigal #pepa madrigal #bruno madrigal

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izloveshorses · 7 months

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like. imagine being a Normal Citizen in a galaxy far far away during revenge of the sith. like. you're scrolling on your holonet and not only has the chancelor been promoted to emperor (hello??), a senator (you follow fan pages of her for fashion inspo) has DIED suddenly AND it's revealed she was PREGNANT !!!!!!?? the whole time??? but who was the father?? was she married?? how did she die??? as far as you know she was young and healthy and unmarried, so like?? the girls and their speculations and their memes would've been insane on the holonet dashboard that week fr

#star wars #padme amidala #rots #revenge of the sith #anidala #like what was that news cycle like #did they try to cover up the fact that she was secretly pregnant #did they ever speculate about What Happened #i mean. we know what happened.#but the normies on coruscant?? what a WILD time #and i doubt it was ever resolved #so the girls never got closure to That story #which is a shame bc they would've loved the drama of the former queen/senator secretly marrying a jedi knight sworn to celibacy :/#and the drama of said jedi knight vowing to kill for her #sigh

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lazylittledragon · 1 month

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I've been loving ur mombin comics, but where is the other mom? what trans hottie is not paying her child support out here? (this is said with a lot of love and affection, im very curious abt how she got into that situation, if you have thoughts abt it <3)

ajsjhsdfh i wasn't going to answer this because it's explained in the next comic but kudos to you for being the only person to say 'who's the other mom' instead of 'WHO'S THE DAD'

also the way this is worded made me laugh for like 5 minutes thank you so much xx

#ramble #mombin™#anon i love you we are holding hands together right now #the amount of comments that were like 'who's the DAD' and not 'who's the other parent/donor'#sometimes!! there isn't a dad!!!!#i have a really bad feeling that this comic is going to reveal some people's very nasty opinions about trans women #'but robin is a lesbian she wouldn't get pregnant by a trans woman' so you admit that you think gender+attraction is defined by genitals #this wasn't meant to be a vent i'm so sorry #but to answer your question yes there is a trans girl somewhere out there who was on like a weekend trip or something and has NO idea

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bisexualfbiagents · 9 months

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Mulder and Scully | Blood (2.03)

#fox mulder #dana scully #txf #the x files #txfedit #x files #xfilesnet #msr #2x03 #gillian is so visibly pregnant in this episode it's like spot the baby bump lol #they really only shot her from the neck up #so absolutely stunning as per usual ugh she's so beautiful #anywho hello height difference my old friend #i love you so #mine

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gammija · 8 days

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Celia: "I have a baby. Jack. He’s just over a year old now."

Sam: "Cool."

Celia: "And before you ask, no, there’s no dad on the scene, not even sure who he is. I had a… couple of wild years after I moved here. It was a really weird time for me, but somehow I got lucky enough to come out of it all with him."

Considering Celia seems to be waking up next to a motorway on the regular, im inclined to take this extremely literally. in that she got teleported around a lot and somehow ended up holding a baby that she felt responsible for as a fellow dimension-hopper

#tmagp #tmagp spoilers #tmagp s1 #not that she cant have gotten pregnant #just... also the way she doesnt even know who the dad is...#hmm. spitballing a bad but fun theory #jack is agnes' son. celia - as we all obviously agree/j - has listened to the tapes so that's why she gave him that name.#she's trying to raise the fire messiah in a new world. because... well ill get back on that eventually #celia ripley #the magnus protocol #joos yaps #celia

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goldenamaranthe-blog · 25 days

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Apple Seed 11: Abuela

Vaggie: (helping Charlie walk around the hotel) Just a couple more weeks and this will be all over, babe.

Charlie: (waddling like a fat penguin and holding her back) Thank fuck!

Lucifer: ....I'm risking it. (rushes up behind Charlie, lifts her up, places her feet on his, and starts waddling forward while singing) WWWWWWaddle like a penguin, quack, quack! WWWaddle like a penguin, quack, quack!

Charlie: DAD!!! I'M NOT THREE ANYMORE!!! I'M JUST PREGNANT!!! (looks down at her recently dropped baby belly) Very.... VERY.... pregnant....

Lucifer: Sorry, duckie. I thought this might help bring a smile to your face.

KNOCK!!! KNOCK!!! KNOCK!!!

Vaggie: Who the fuck is here now?! We put it out that we're not taking anymore sinners until after the baby's born!

Charlie: (slowly easing herself onto a lowered bar stool) Vaggie, be nice.

Baby: (wiggles, sending Charlie's whole belly pulsing)

Charlie: Baby agrees.

Vaggie: Yes, dear.... (answers the door) What do you- .......

Carmilla: (standing in the doorway with an imposing stare)

Vaggie: Carmine!? What are you doing here?!

Carmilla: (places an envelope in Vaggie's hand and enters the hotel with Clara and Odette in tow - dragging mounds of baby goods) I am here to check in on the princess and child while dropping off some much needed baby items.

Charlie: Aww~ That's awfully nice of you, Ms. Carmine.

Baby: (flutters)

Vaggie: (opening the envelope) This better not be an invoice for all of that! (pulls out a thick packet of paper and reads) WHAT THE FUCK???? You're ADOPTING me?!?!?!

Charlie: (jaw drops as she's in the middle of holding up a white baby onesie that says "I Love My Mommies" in rainbow from the pile) What?!

Lucifer: (Angry puppy face) Oh, no! That is MY daughter-in-law!

Carmilla: I figured it was overdue, especially with a child on the way. The baby needs an abuela in its life.

Vaggie: (opens mouth to say something only for her to close it with a snap) You know what? Fuck it. This is fine. Someone, give me a pen.

Odette: (hands over a pen)

Vaggie: Thank you. (signs the paper) There. Carmine, now you're an abuelita.

Carmilla: (staring at Charlie and the baby belly) Abuela is just fine.

Vaggie: Abuelita or nothing.

Carmilla: (opens mouth to counter)

Baby: (flutters excitedly and little fist impressions press against Charlie's belly)

Charlie: Awww~ They want to say "Hi" to their abuelita~

Carmilla: (flushes red and closes her mouth before shuffling forward and holding her hand over Charlie's belly)

Charlie: (smiles and gently presses her hand on top of Carmilla's, bringing it to her belly)

Baby: (tiny hand presses against the taught belly to meet the hand outside)

Carmilla: ......... (internally crying from sheer emotions) Qué pequeño tan precioso.

Clara & Odette: Can we feel the baby?!

Carmilla: (walks back over to Vaggie to retrieve the paperwork)

Vaggie: (smirking) Don't think I didn't hear that.

Carmilla: I don't know what you're talking about.

#apple seed #apple seed au #pregnant charlie #she's so close to popping #chaggie #charlie #vaggie #carmilla carmine #odette #clara #lucifer #adoption #abuela #abuelita #waddle like a penguin #thanks anons

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pettyprocrastination · 1 year

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whoever this beloved anon was I am so touched by your kindness! You definitely didn’t have to do this but I am so happy you enjoy this idea and I will happily expand upon it for you!

this is just a collection of word vomit bullet points for the time being but I will happily answer any and all questions about this pair!!

warnings: violence, angst, child death (Sarah Miller), foul language, the same warnings that apply to tlou, reader is Sarah's mom and described as having similar features to her.

So the general Idea is that you and Joel are happily married before the outbreak.

You had been Sarah's mother, his high school sweetheart he got pregnant when neither of you were old enough to have any reaction to the pregnancy test other than a fucking panic attack in one another’s arms. but you made it work

you both worked but made time for one another and your sweet girl, going to museums every other weekend and joel insisting on swooping you off for a date every now and then

nothing special. He knows you’re more of a diner gal than anything too fancy that makes you both feel out of place.

On his birthday in 2003, you had planned to tell him that you were pregnant again. But the memories of your own fears of motherhood from all those years ago begin to swirl through your head again and you get cold feel. deciding to tell him the morning after

it is his birthday afterall, you want to focus on him.

but when you’re woken up in the middle of the night because tommy needs to get bailed out, Joel kisses you sweetly one last time before promising he’ll be back and you can’t shake the feeling that something bad is happening.

its you that shakes sarah awake that night. shouting at her to put on her shoes when she’s still rubbing the sleep from her eyes because you’ve been listening to the radio for the past two hours, calling joel again and again and again praying for him to fucking pick up but to no avail.

Sarah, bless your little girl’s bleeding heart is the one who insists you check on the adler’s against your better suspicions and when you find the eldest looming over her daughter, blood and sinew dripping from her mouth, you grab your daughter hand and burst into a full sprint until something slams into your back and sends you tumbling onto their front lawn

its how joel finds you, struggling to keep the once sweet old woman, whose now nothing more than dead eyes and gnashing teeth straining to snap at your pulse point as you push against her while sarah shrieks before your husband runs forward and cracks her skull with a wrench.

there’s hardly a moment of pause, just enough for him to pull you up and into his arms before he’s ushering you both into the car with an urgency.

when the truck crashes, you get separated from them. Perhaps at Tommy’s side when the flames rise and create a wall, separating you from your husband, or maybe pulled into the mob of chaos when trying to escape from those already infected-

all joel knows is that you promise you’ll find him: just get sarah to safety and you’ll meet him at the river

Poor thing is already so frightened, held in her father’s arms with tears streaming down her face insisting they can’t leave you they just can’t but her father kisses her forehead and reassures her its going to be okay

“we just need to be brave, okay babygirl? Your mama’s real tough, she’s gonna be alright.”

he isn’t sure if he’s saying it to his daughter or himself.

but when he comes to the river you aren’t there. Only a soldier who points a gun at the scared little girl in his arms and then he loses everything

its when the light is gone from his daughter’s eyes that he realizes. His voice cracked and raw from sobbing that he looks around to see his brother with drawn in shoulders and tears in his eyes but his wife is nowhere to be found.

Tommy says you got lost in the chaos. Everything was so loud, so sudden that he turned around and suddenly you weren’t there.

Joel wants to go back but its Tommy that stops him, that dulls the red in his vision to a sad faded pink because his brother points at the orange horizon not too far from them, so much of the city is already in flames.

“We’re gonna find her, but not there.”

So Joel searches. for the first year spent in the world post-outbreak its all he did.

He became a smuggler because of it.

Information came at a price and he needed to be able to fucking pay it, whether it be in blood or ration cards. He was willing to do anything to find you or any thin thread that lead your way.

But it’s Tommy that asks him to give up. Not in those words of course.

The youngest Miller knows better than to say something so cruel that would make his brother, the only person he has in this world turn on him.

But his voice is worried when he asks him one night in Boston when he hasn’t even had the chance to wash the blood from his knuckles

“You think she would have wanted this for you?”

the fight that followed his words was brutal. Vicious insults and scarred fists slamming against each brother until they're both too tired and bloody to continue. Each leaning against a wall for support and Tommy’s wavering voice breaking the silence.

“I don’t know where she is, Joel. But I do know you're gonna get yourself killed if you keep lookin’ for her.”

All he can do is nod.

It’s a few days later when he meets Tess. Who has heard plenty of stories about the elder miller’s brutality and wants him to put that muscle to good use for some extra profit.

It begins his new life. One that empty and cold but one he can live.

Until of course, Ellie comes along. The sweet and incredibly opinionated girl that makes him become something akin to the man he thought died twenty years ago.

its when he’s traveling with Ellie, that it happens. When a warm familiarity has settled between the two because so much blood and pain has been shared he can’t help but see her as something close, something bright even though all he can force himself to utter in her reference is “cargo”

when theyre traveling through the woods as Ellie chatters away, probing his memory about a movie that may or may not have existed thirty years ago because her descriptions of the plot are incredibly odd he hears a voice shout for them to stop and finds himself staring at a man- no, a boy- pointing a gun at them.

Ellie stills, but Joel can see enough to know that from the lanky figure and dimpled face that he’s young. Maybe twenty, twenty-two at the oldest, but his eyes dart from Joel to Ellie with a pinprick of fear that allows Joel the time to charge forward and slam him to the ground before wrestling the gun from his hands.

He has enough to time to tuck it under the stranger’s chin before he hears the sound of the safety being turned off and finds himself looking up and seeing a gun just inches from his face.

Joel’s head whips around when Ellie’s voice calls out his name in fear, he turns to see another stranger holding her a gun point, shoulders drawn back and a shadow cast over their face by the had obstructing their identity.

“You hurt one of mine, I hurt one of yours. That a fair deal?”

Its takes him a moment to recognize you. It’s been so long since he’s heard your voice, the sweet tease when you would poke at him each time he woke up late despite the fact that you reminded him to set his alarm the night before, the times you’d chide him with a harsh “Joel Miller!” whispered in public anytime he was able to grab you a bit too passionately to be appropriate in public but the laughter in your voice let him know you were never truly mad at him. You didn’t know how to be.

But that sweetness is buried under a cold rasp that cuts through the air as you point a rifle at the scared little girl in front of you.

“You think I won’t?” You’re older now, skin covered in scars from a life he didn’t know you got the chance to live and your eyes are cold as they regard your husband. “Put the gun down and get the fuck off of him, I won’t repeat myself.”

Joel mumbles your name in awe. The woman he loved, the woman he mourned the one he fought so hard to find stands before him like some sort of hallucination and suddenly the world feels like its spinning until you bark orders at him again.

“You’ve got five seconds Joel, make a fucking choice before I make it for you.”

He looks down and realizes the boy under him, the one with the bleeding nose and snarling face has your eyes and his dimples.

“One.”

The one above him has Sarah’s hair. Soft brown curls that shine under the sun.

“Two”

Wait. No, they both do.

“Three.”

Twins. Jesus fucking Christ you had twins.

“Four.”

Joel holds the rifle up above his head and the one boy standing snatches it from his grasp, tossing it to the ground and kicking it far from his reach. He slowly stands, allowing your son- dear god your son- to scramble to his feet.

Your voice softens just for a moment. “You okay, Duke?”

Blood stains the bottom half of his face from where Joel slammed his fist into the boy’s nose just moments before, but he nods nonetheless.

Now, they both stand on one side of you and he can see the resemblance clear as day the same way he would whenever Sarah was by your side.

When you order him to hand over his bag, he does so without question before telling Ellie to do the same.

She watches him with wide eyes, her hands still up in the air but gaping at her companion as if he had grown a second head.

“Joel!” “Just do it, alright?”

He doesn’t miss the way you watch their interaction with narrowed eyes until she tosses her bag to you and you slowly lower your gun.

“Now, you want to tell me what the fuck you think you’re doin’ at my home?”

#joel miller x reader #joel miller x you #i had an idea of something similar for tommy but on outbreak night he uh. abandons you instead of getting separated from you #because. angst :D #people say nice things #this was incredibly generous of you anon thank you so so much!#i may get myself a little starbucks drink this week now because I havent had starbucks since like january 1st lol #joel reeling from taking in all this information and also realizing he suckerpunched HIS OWN KID #id like to apologize for all the grammatical issues with this. this is just a bulletpoint word vomit to get my thoughts on the page before-#-beginning the actual fic. also I have to do a midterm tonight and this is my treat to myself hehe #but yes. joel getting separated from his wife on outbreak night and having to accept that shes probably dead #meanwhile youve lived this entire life without him because you think HES dead ad raising your boys all on your own #which just- further digs into his insecurities about failing in his role as a protector #he couldn't save sarah. he can't save ellie and he couldn't even save you #he thinks about you pregnant and alone. fending for yourself in a world full of infected and raiders and his chest grows tight again #this is all followed by Ellie going >:O 'you KNOW THIS PSYCHO?'and then joel immediately snapping at her to WATCH HER MOUTH #because that kid has no filter and he has to explain that youre his wife #anyways joels wife is a badass mfer who also maybe has a little garden and some chickens that you and your boys take care of <3 yeah .#reunion tag #ill be using that for this specific couple because I dont have a fic title yet but if anybody has suggestions!

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