new reading corner 💛🤍🌼🌸

19 , 20 , 21 , 22 April 2024

Day 3, 4, 5 and 6 of Productivity Streak

I got a couple of things done in these 4 days

Pharmac -

Completed Adrenergic drugs and solved past year questions

Read alpha blockers although I need better revision

Pharmac is a long was to go cause there's soo much to study and sooo little time

Microbiology

I completed General virology

Revised viral replication again.

Patho

Studied Amyloidosis !

Wait , now that I see this isn't much I really need to work more hard :')

Adios

🙏

Even though it's been months since I switched from neurosurgery to internal medicine, I still have a hard time not being angry about the training culture and particularly the sexism of neurosurgery. It wasn't the whole reason I switched, but truthfully it was a significant part of my decision.

I quickly got worn out by constantly being questioned over my family plans. Within minutes of meeting me, attendings and residents felt comfortable lecturing me on the difficulties of having children as a neurosurgeon. One attending even suggested I should ask my co-residents' permission before getting pregnant so as not to inconvenience them. I do not have children and have never indicated if I plan to have any. Truthfully, I do want children, but I would absolutely have foregone that to be a neurosurgeon. I wanted to be a neurosurgeon more than anything. But I was never asked: it was simply assumed that I would want to be a mother first. Purely because I'm a woman, my ambitions were constantly undermined, assumed to be lesser than those of my male peers. Women must want families, therefore women must be less committed. It was inconceivable that I might put my career first. It was impossible to disprove this assumption: what could I have done to demonstrate my commitment more than what I had already done by leading the interest group, taking a research year, doing a sub-I? My interest in neurosurgery would never be viewed the same way my male peers' was, no matter what I did. I would never be viewed as a neurosurgeon in the same way my male peers would be, because I, first and foremost, would be a mother. It turns out women don't even need to have children to be a mother: it is what you essentially are. You can't be allowed to pursue things that might interfere with your potential motherhood.

Furthermore, you are not trusted to know your own ambitions or what might interfere with your motherhood. I am an adult woman who has gone to medical school: I am well aware of what is required in reproduction, pregnancy, and residency, as much as one can be without experiencing it firsthand. And yet, it was always assumed that I had somehow shown up to a neurosurgery sub-I totally ignorant of the demands of the career and of pregnancy. I needed to be enlightened: always by men, often by childless men. Apparently, it was implausible that I could evaluate the situation on my own and come to a decision. I also couldn't be trusted to know what I wanted: if I said I wanted to be a neurosurgeon more than a mother, I was immediately reassured I could still have a family (an interesting flip from the dire warnings issued not five minutes earlier in the conversation). People could not understand my point, which was that I didn't care. I couldn't mean that, because women are fundamentally mothers. I needed to be guided back to my true role.

Because everyone was so confident in their sexist assumptions that I was less committed, I was not offered the same training, guidance, or opportunities as the men. I didn't have projects thrown my way, I didn't get check-ins or advice on my application process, I didn't get opportunities in the OR that my male peers got, I didn't get taught. I once went two whole days on my sub-I without anyone saying a word to me. I would come to work, avoid the senior resident I was warned hated trainees, figure out which OR to go to on my own, scrub in, watch a surgery in complete silence without even the opportunity to cut a knot, then move to the next surgery. How could I possibly become a surgeon in that environment? And this is all to say nothing of the rape jokes, the advice that the best way for a woman to match is to be as hot as possible, listening to my attending advise the male med students on how to get laid, etc.

At a certain point, it became clear it would be incredibly difficult for me to become a neurosurgeon. I wouldn't get research or leadership opportunities, I wouldn't get teaching or feedback, I wouldn't get mentorship, and I wouldn't get respect. I would have to fight tooth and nail for every single piece of my training, and the prospect was just exhausting. Especially when I also really enjoyed internal medicine, where absolutely none of this was happening and I even had attendings telling me I would be good at it (something that didn't happen in neurosurgery until I quit).

I've been told I should get over this, but I don't know how to. I don't know how to stop being mad about how thoroughly sidelined I was for being female. I don't know how to stop being bitter that my intelligence, commitment, and work ethic meant so much less because I'm a woman. I know I made the right decision to switch to internal medicine, and it probably would have been the right decision even if there weren't all these issues with the culture of neurosurgery, but I'm still so angry about how it happened.

life lately is gloomy days and early mornings. studying for boards is a bit more stressful than i’d imagined, not because of all the material i need to review, but more because im struggling to build up the stamina for an 8 hour exam (it’s been years since i last took one and im significantly more exhausted at this point in my life than i was then). but nothing i can do but continue working! still making time for art and friends to keep myself in a good mental space and continuing to try my best :-)

my etsy

Samedi 11 février 2023 

Hello there how are you doing ? 

4 months left until graduation. 4 months before becoming a doctor :)) Life is rough and exhausting. Everyone is so stressed out and suspicious since they aren’t enough places for all of the students. I might chose internal medicine. 

I try to stay out of this toxic environnement. I hate competition. 

I hope you guys are doing good. May we all be walking safely and peacefully towards our goals. 

Take care. 

03.06.2023

Apparently my desk is a comfy spot for napping.. 🐾🌻

a very low maintenance study set up 🙃

24.09.2023 // All I need to make a study session good (or at the very least bearable) is some good music, a coffee and a calming environment (ideally a cafe or library). I've been trying to get through some haematology revision, which I'm really enjoying even though it's really complicated.

september 16 2023

block 2 exam in a week! It’s so true that the methods I used to use to study in undergrad are just not cutting it…I’ve started ditching the note taking (I’ve found that taking notes = focusing on Note Taking which takes attention away from understanding lecture) and I use flash cards (Anki) more than I ever thought I would in my life. I used to be a huge proponent for writing out notes and making long, handwritten study guides, but I’ve just found that to be too time consuming and not effective enough for med school :( it was definitely really uncomfy changing up how I thought I studied best, but hey, if it saves me time and gets me the grade…I’ll take it 🥹

instagram: @ stemcellee

Done with last rotation of this year and last module✅

Glad to announce that after a long year of hard work , I can finally say that it was a success I passed and I’m officially a sixth year medical student ( time to change that bio lol )

None of it was easy , but you know what, you can accomplish whatever you want with hard work and commitment .

favorite spot to study except for my room - it looks like a library but is actually a coffee shop

the holidays always kind of overwhelm me 🫠

21.05.2023

Today I changed my usual room where I study and went on the balcony. Such a nice view!!! It felt like I was in the woods. How are you guys doing today?

Exams coming up!

1.22.24

officially started studying for my medical school board exams today! i am definitely easing myself into it though as i had brunch with a friend this morning, did a question set, then watched poor things (loved it!) with another friend in the afternoon. i’ve been using breaks and evenings to get some baking in and have really been enjoying being able to bake without feeling pressed for time with clinical rotations as well!

my etsy

Rebecca Lee Crumpler, born Rebecca Davis, (February 8, 1831 – March 9, 1895), was an American physician, nurse and author. After studying at the New England Female Medical College, in 1864 she became the first African American woman to become a doctor of medicine in the United States. Crumpler was also one of the first female physician authors in the nineteenth century. In 1883, she published A Book of Medical Discourses. The book has two parts that cover the prevention and cure of infantile bowel complaints, and the life and growth of human beings. Dedicated to nurses and mothers, it focuses on maternal and pediatric medical care and was among the first publications written by an African American on the subject of medicine.