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moxtoons · 3 years

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If you don’t mind... What is Noiren and Kenaas story? (Also... A torguta Sith Lord?)

I don't mind at all! I love my boys and am always very happy to answer questions about them!

So first of all, this is basically their relationship:

Now onto the details below the cut ⬇️

You can find more about Noiren here: link

As for Kenaas, he's a Nautolan that was the son of a very powerful Jedi Master and always had high expectations thrown on him because of this. During his training on Tython they learned he was a very expressive boy, he was emotional and excitable, which was deemed as dangerous and needed to be kept under control (especially considering as a child, when his mother died, he destroyed a meditation room in grief and anger).

His father became very strict with him and supervised his training. He helped his son follow the Jedi code and bury his feelings under serenity and calm, though Kenaas felt it was wrong.

After completing his training and becoming a full Jedi, he heard his father getting praise for "training the untrainable" and quickly left the planet, angry and dejected. His master and father continuously demanded he return and told him he was walking a dangerous path. He ignored them, his mind was racing. Being a Jedi felt wrong. He felt he didnt belong. He knew what his peers thought of him, and how much his father wanted to bury the real him.

Kenaas jumped from planet to planet trying to find his place until eventually he landed on Tatooine. Boy oh boy did he hate it there. Too dry and too hot for the poor Nautolan.

And on that horrible desert planet he met Noiren.

Their meeting wasn't as one would expect from a Jedi and Sith pair. There was no big epic battle. Noiren was standing guard at one of the Tatooine Imperial bases and spotted a figure in the distance. As it approached he noticed it was a Nautolan, just walking, in the desert all alone. That was certainly odd. Then as the alien passed him he spotted the light saber and realized this was a Jedi walking through Imperial territory casually.

He approached the foolish Jedi with an intention to fight if needed, his brother Aidesan was behind him and ready to go as well. But the Jedi didn't pay them any mind, he just kept walking in his dazed state. The brothers looked at each other in confusion and decided to just knock him out and take him back to their ship, as a prisoner.

Kenaas was so lost in thought he hadn't realized where he was, and it ended up getting him captured. When he woke up he found himself in a cage in the Siths ship, Aidesan was sitting in a chair watching over him and called out for his brother to alert him of their new prisoners awakening.

Noiren stepped in and started to ask questions. Who he was working for, why he was in Imperial territory, what he wanted, all of the basics.

He wasn't expecting the response he got. Kenaas hadn’t even realized where he ended up. He was too deep in thought. He was a rogue Jedi rethinking his life and tired of being expected to be a perfect jedi when he had to hide so much of who he truly was. He was tired of living in his fathers shadow and considered the failure that graduated. Inner peace and serenity may work for most Jedi, but he wasn’t one of them.

Aidesan took pity on him and pulled his brother aside, he suggested they teach this Jedi the ways of the dark side. Maybe they could save him from his misery if he found his place with them. Noiren thought on this and decided that it was actually a rather good idea. This Jedi was passionate and could harness all of that emotion and energy and be very powerful.

The suggestion was denied at first by the Jedi, but the idea of learning about both sides of the force and being allowed to feel and use his bottled emotions started to grow on him and he agreed to learn.

From there Noiren took him to Dromund Kaas for some training. He was shocked by the Nautolans power and how quickly he could learn. He was a bit of an airheaded bleeding heart, but he was a nice it of light to have around and during the months of training they started to become friends.

He was very excited to shoot lightning for the first time.

After a full time of training, Kenaas joined them as a permanent crewmate and friend. He wasn't quite Sith, and wasn't quite Jedi, but he definitely became Noiren's impulse control. He even brought the soft side of the Sith Lord, a side Aidesan hadn't seen in a long time.

After a little over a year of traveling and fighting together, Noiren sat down with Kenaas and opened up to him about his past and his reasons for doing what he does. He didn't care about the war, or the emperor, or even being a Sith. He just wanted to find his brother and sister that were taken from him at a young age. Kenaas swore he would help him find them, and he would be free from his Imperial shackles once they found them.

And this was when they had their moment and confessed. Noiren had fallen in love with Kenaas.

The two ended up starting their relationship that day and their bond only continued to get stronger. Even in the rare times they were separated they could feel eachothers presence through the force.

The small group worked together to continue to try and find Noirens siblings. They found his twin sister when they were sent out on a mission from the Imperial military. They heard about a pirate who had stolen a ship from them years ago that had been doing way too much digging into where the Sith training grounds were. She was a threat that needed to be eliminated. (This was also in my explanation about the siblings)

Long story short, they ended up fighting, Kenaas helped Noiren realize it was his sister and they reunited, then with some troubles and a big battle with other sith they end up getting their other brother back as well.

Noirens siblings all adore Kenaas and he won the hearts of Arianness's crew as well.

Kenaas and Noiren get married as the years go by and when Arianness has her children, Kenaas is the best uncle they could ask for, though his struggles continue through those years as the Jedi still track him and have him branded a traitor. His father swears revenge on the Sith that brainwashed his son and they end up having to fight off both Sith and Jedi alike.

Until his father personally found them. Noiren is ready to strike the old Nautolan down before he gets stopped by Kenaas, who pleads for him to show mercy because this was his father. This leads to a talk between the Jedi and his son, demanding he come home and leave this foolishness behind. Kenaas denies him, explaining that he felt more at home using both light and dark sides of the force with his Sith husband on a stolen starship than he ever did on Tython as a Jedi. He explains that their little group were heros to small villiages now and what they were trying to accomplish.

His father remains straight faced, but is clearly upset and he tells Kenaas he is no longer his son, and that he will no longer be welcome on Tython or in any Jedi temples.

In a moment where he expected to feel the most broken hearted, he finally felt free. He finally had a life of his own with no heavy expectations from superiors and he had a family/peers that loved him.

So that’s kind of the spark notes of his story, sorry if they were incoherent rambles!! I’m just so excited people are actually interested in my OCS!!!! Thank you for validating my love for my OCs lol

ALSO YES! My Torguta Sith Lord, Mavasha-Scorn! I am gay for my own OC and I will not apologize for that

If you wanna ask about more of my OCs or just see more doodles of them I’m always happy to do so, just receiving asks like these makes my day just that much brighter! Thank you!!!!

#Mox answers #Mox's Original Characters #Mox's OCs #SWTOR #SWTOR OC #Kenaas the Nautolan #Noiren the Twi'lek #Aidesan the Twi'lek #Mavasha-Scorn the Torguta #Sith Warrior #jedi consular #MY INCOHERENT HAPPY RAMBLES #I'm sorry if it's jumbled I'm just so excited and it's a lot of information to fit in one response lol #Off anon #OC asks

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suffering-and-happy-about-it · 4 years

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Cold (White Demon’s Love Song, Part 1.)

Series description: A new job was what the reason you found yourself on a lonely roadtrip on the western coast, ending up in the woods of Olympian Peninsula. Yet a sudden car malfuction was what cause your unplanned stay in Forks. To your surprise, there was a lot of sinister things going on under the veil of fog.

Part summary: On your way to Port Angeles, your car just suddenly gave up, dying just in front of the Forks welcome sign. Well... It was time to call the local mechanic.

A/N: The series’ name is obviously a call-back to Twilight Saga: New Moon soundrack, A White Demon Love Song (by the Killers), used in the ending credits. Honestly, the song is amazing and you should give it a listen, or two, because it reminds me of Jacob so much.

Word count: 4.5 K

Twilight playlist: ✨ Twilight Crackheads ✨

Series masterlist: H E R E

PICTURE SOURCE

Dedicated to the best hooman being I know, my dearest, @missdictatorme

It was nothing but a small town, located close to the western coast, standing in the middle of nothing but deep, dark woods. Its population never crossed the milestone of 4.000 people at one time - neither it had a chance to do so. The town was located in northern America, in the state of Washington. Its name was Forks - close to Forks, there was a native-American territory named the Quileute reservation, La Push being its tiny, beating heart; a slightly bigger town named Port Angeles, and one big city - Olympia.

The forests and nature of the Olympian Peninsula was one of the most mysterious and beautiful to ever be experienced by a human being. There were mountain lions and bears, wolves, and bigger, more dangerous animals hiding in the deep, all-year-long green woods. For such a small town, Forks had its fair share of unnatural, mythical, and legendary creatures roaming around/in it. The deepest nightmares of horror and fairytales coming true, if you will. It also seemed that the town just can't leave the cycle of repeating events, one man in the woods thought.

It wasn't just a man, no, that wouldn't be accurate to say. It was a man with a literal animal inside his body. An animal about which he hoped will never come on the surface once again. All he wanted was to grow old without complications, that was his whole deal. Now that he was left alone, behind and Cullens, the residing vampire family, had left the town, he and his brothers had a chance to do so... Finally. Five years ago, he and Sam Uley, the leader of another pack, watched the Cullens leave the city for another... Hundred years or so. It appeared it's the time to stop with the whole wolf thing, letting them let the wolves inside of them die.

Being a werewolf, a child of the moon, a wolf, or a shapeshifter, whatever you wanted to call it, wasn't as brutal as it was described in horror stories over the years. More than anything, the men and women of the Quileute tribe were carrying the spirit animal inside - the animal was waiting inside, sleeping, until it was called to rise once more. Not everyone could become a wolf - only the ancestors of the first big chief, Taha Aki, could do so. There also needed specific things to happen for their transformation, whether it was the first one or another beginning of the cycle. They needed to smell the scent of vampires.

No-one could predict a pack of vampires taking refuge just a small bit from Forks, again. Yet this time, it wasn't the 'good' vampires feeding on animal blood; these were wild, unpredictable, and red-eyed. These could not be debated to reach any sort of agreement or truce, as the Cullens did a century ago. These had to be stopped, killed, and burned. Whether they would be acting nice or not, they were a threat to Forks and everyone living in it. Which the spirits realized - they started to re-awaken once more.

First, it caught most of the pack unprepared - both alphas of the Uley and Black pack started to feel the sensation of intense heat, of rage and fury all of a sudden. For Jacob Black, it happened when he was in his workshop, repairing an old engine. He barely had the strength to walk out of the building. His muscles were tensing uncontrollably, a high fever appeared all of a sudden. Just muttered groans of pain and heavy breathing could be heard as Jacob walked past the first line of high trees, waiting for the feeling to rip him apart like a rag doll. This shouldn't be happening. There were no vampires in Forks anymore, why was the wolf urging to come out?

The man fell on both his knees. In despair, his fingers dug deep into the forest soil as he let himself cry out in pain. No-one could see him or hear him now, it was fine. The spasms made him fall on his back as his pupils were wildly rolling. If any Catholic priest would see him, he could easily claim that Jacob was possessed by a demon. Another groan left Jacob's body, which was still writhing in convulsions until the part came - the one where his human form just exploded, a hoard of russet fur sprang out as the wolf tried to get on his feet. The man was highly confused. Why did this happen? He wasn't left in the dark for too long - soon, he heard the familiar voice of Sam Uley, who was just a few years older than him, inside his head.

Sure, both of them decided to separate some time ago, creating two packs in Forks, but they could still communicate telepathically - as two alphas, the leaders of the pack. - 'Is that you, Jacob?' - Sam screamed into the void, being scared beyond his wildest dreams. It was understandable - back in the day, Sam was the first to awaken his spirit wolf when the Cullens moved back to Forks. Naturally, he was alone and didn't get what was happening to him that much - until the elders told him. This time, it might've been the same thing, again. Naturally, Sam was relieved when he felt another mind connect into the web of shared thoughts, even if it was just Jacob. - 'Did it just happen to you too? Are you the only one as well?' - Sam asked with anxiety. - 'Yes. I can't hear Seth or Embry or Quil. You?' - Jake informed about his current situation. - 'I can't hear anyone either. Do you know what's happening?' - Yet this time, Jacob was silent.

He didn't know what was going on. The only thing he knew was that he has to protect his territory by all costs - and that something is going on around Forks.

A few days later, road 101:

"You are now tuning into Radio Forks on 140.5 FM. The weather is nice today, but remember to be careful on the roads anyway. On a request from our listener, we will now play The Violet Hour by Sea Wolf... Take it away." - A woman in the radio said, her voice mashing up into happy guitar rhythms in the end. The song was nice and fast, so it made you dance in the seat of your Beetle while you gripped on the steering wheel. The car was most probably at least twice as old as you were, it wasn't in the best condition and the stereo was also kind of shit, and the AC worked only when you pulled out the lighter out, but it was still your car in the end. Well, you couldn't afford anything better from a teacher payment anyway - the Beetle never gave up on you, it had never malfunctioned and even if it did eat a lot of fuel, you still loved the car.

Now, you were on your way to Tacoma because of the work you've been given there - starting in a few weeks, you've already had moved most of your stuff into the new apartment which you shared with a roommate. It was exciting, starting another stage of your life in Tacoma. Sure, your mom was a bit scared when you told her how far you were moving out, but you promised to call and text her all the time, so she would be calm.

But before your final settling down in Tacoma, your friends advised you to take a short trip along the western coast - especially the upper part of it. So you did as they told you - you were now close to some small town named Forks, which you wanted to just drive through quickly, before continuing to Port Angeles. These towns were small and hadn't much to offer, but according to your friend, it was magical to stay there, even just for a while. So far, you hadn't stopped in many towns, but you had to say that you liked the weather - hot, sunny days? You were starting to question them after spending a week on the road. The higher you got in Washington, the more cloudy and rainy it got. More importantly, it was freezing in this part of the world. What was the sun? You didn't know. You hadn't seen it since you entered the deep, green, and rainy woods of the state. The roads were always slipping from the rain, so you had to focus on the damn road at all times.

There was deer here and there on the road, but even if the view was mostly the same, you liked it. The air was cold and humid even though, in the nights and sometimes even during the day, it got very cold up here. You've chosen to move to Tacoma, didnt you? This was what you should be prepared for.

Quickly, you glanced over the map to see if you're still on the right road when your eyes widened in horror. The motor just made a damn weird sound. Oh no. Oh crap! You cried out internally as you felt the car slowing down. All you did was to ride to the roadside with panic as the car made a few very unpleasant sounds before the engine stopped completely. The Forks sign was mocking you from the distance, telling you that you were just a small while from the city. So much for just passing through, huh? Without too much waiting, you tried to call the local post office, the only number you had on your phone and to your surprise, the woman knew a number on the local mechanic. Why wouldn't she? According to the number on the board, this town was damn small.

Or, maybe, a lot of people called her and asked her for a towtruck.

More so, she switched you over to the workshop just moments after. You've been sitting in the car, already having your winter jacket pulled on since it was getting cold in there rapidly, watching the damn sign just mocking you silently. You were in the temptation to stick your tongue out, but it was just a dumb sign. - "Jacob Black on the phone, what can I do for you?"

First off, the voice, regarding the polite question, sounded almost fed up and annoyed - and you haven't spoken out yet. Someone had a bad day. Second of all - the man sounded quite young. Did the post-office-lady switch you to a bad number? - "Hello? Is someone out there?" - The Jacob mechanic asked again. The tone, again, was unpleasing to listen to. But this time, you gathered yourself to answer. - "Yea, yea. Hi, I got your number? They told me you're the Forks mechanic with a towtruck? Is that right?" - You quickly got out of yourself. While you were talking, you got out of the car and walked around the car in circles, trying to warm yourself up. Which was borderline foolishness when it was drizzling outside, but whatever. - "Where you're stuck? What happened?" - The man said without a hint of caring about the topic.

"My car just... Stopped suddenly." - You described. After a quiet sigh, you could almost hear the Jacob man rolling his eyes. - "I'm just a few yards from the Forks welcome sign. Can you help me or should I call someone else?" - Wow, you got straight to the point. Damn, you didn't need some fed up, annoyed mechanic. He could at least pretend to care. It wouldn't have killed him. - "Listen, miss. The nearest towtruck, except me, is in Port Angeles. If you don't wanna pay ridiculous prices for the service, it will be wise to hire me, okay? It's one mile... So I'll be asking for five bucks just to get your car to my garage, with the services and everything counted in. Is that alright?"

Again, even if the question was meant to be polite since you were his potential customer, it was said in such a manner that couldn't be described other than rude. Jacob was straightway rude with you. Also, five dollars for a mile were a bit overpriced. You could be glad that the mechanic of such backwater didn't ask for ten bucks... Let alone how much would the Port Angeles mechanic want? You had some money with you, but it wasn't much either. And for now, you had to save until you'd get to know what's wrong with your car. - "Okay. How long until you'll be here?" - You asked, now you were fed up as well. That made two of you annoyed, great conversation. - "In about... Half an hour. See you there." - And the phone line went dead. With empty gaze, you were staring into the woods with both your eyebrows raised as you listened to the long, beeping sound.

Half an hour? Did he want to let you freeze out there, in the woods, lost on the road 101? And for the love of God, you couldn't wait for the moment you'll talk with the man from eye to eye. That will be an unpleasant conversation, you could tell already. Quickly, you ran back to your car. For some time, you tried to get at least the almost non-existent heating system on, but the car was dead. It didn't even start. You were sure that you'll freeze to death before the towtruck comes to save you. And you almost did - by the time you've seen an old, big Chevy truck with a hook on its back, your mouth were already feeling your teeth-gnashing being fully set. You were hugging yourself inside the car, there was mist slowly coming out of your lips. Well, this was bad.

The man jumped out of the towtruck, watching your car in horror. How old was this thing? Sixty years? Well, it was certainly older than its owner, who was sitting inside. It could be told you weren't used to such cold, because you were looking as if you were about to die any minute. With your eyebrows knitted, you watched the man approaching your window. The first thing that punched you in the eyes was the fact he was wearing just a plain, short-sleeved t-shirt and a pair of old jeans. The man also had long hair pulled into a man bun and damn, these eyes could start shoot bolts of lightning at any time.

He also was... Huge. You'd swear you hadn't seen a man who would take as much space as him. This man was at least six feet tall... And a lot of inches more. As he approached you, you suddenly felt the need to scold him down about politeness fading away. As he knocked onto the window, you rolled it down with a super awkward smile, feeling every inch of you being scared by the man. As soon as you rolled the window down, the man leaned both his palms into the door - with a glance, you figured out he would be able to just break the door if he'd want to, and leaned closer to you.

"You were the one that called?" - The man asked, annoyed once more. So, this was Jacob Black himself - the local mechanic in all his glory. A freaky dude, in your opinion. - "Yep. 't was me." - You peeped out while trying to keep the smile on. Jacob straightened up and sighed, looking away from you for a moment. The way you were smiling, as if you weren't feeling physically well, was giving him the creeps too, don't you worry about it. - "Get out, I'll help this bad boy up." - Jacob patted your car's top. For a moment, you were afraid that the car might break down to pieces as the cartoon cars did - the trunk would fall, the tires would roll away and you would be sitting there on the seat with the steering wheel in your palms. That, thank God, didn't happen.

As the man worked on pulling your car up so you could drag it to the workshop, you could ask him a ton of questions - why was he naked in the middle of such weather? Was being pissy his all-around mood? How was he doing? Yet out of respect, you were just standing there with the same terrifying smile and watching him doing all the job. If you weren't standing there and if you weren't watching him without moving, he'd have so much easier job. Jacob would just take the car, drag it to the hook and click to place - but solely because of your stare, he had to pretend he was struggling with the task a bit. Yet even though he was pretending to struggle, he was done in a few minutes. - "Well, get into the trunk. We don't want you to get... Cold." - Jacob spoke out to you carefully, trying to lower the level of annoyance in his voice.

It was just a simple misunderstanding - while Jacob was worried that the weather around here, to which you quite obviously weren't accommodated to, had done something to the muscles in your face, you were just worried that the man might do something to you if you say something wrong. That was the whole problem. You couldn't know that Jacob wouldn't ever hurt anyone and he couldn't know you're just afraid of big boys. With a nod, you walked to the cabin of the old Chevy truck. It was pretty old, but taken care of - the black paint wasn't that old, it was still shiny in the drops of rain.

The way to the workshop was as quiet as hell - and uncomfortable the same. Jake didn't know what he did wrong and how to start a conversation with you. Honestly, you were just glad that the cabin of his truck was nicely warm. The color got back into your face in no time. And seemingly, the worried smile had disappeared as well. The way was quick - sooner than you'd say, Jacob already had the car inside his workshop. - "So, here's what I'm going to do. I'll check your car, see what's wrong and what can I do for you. You wanna a coffee, tea, or a cup of hot chocolate in the meantime? There are some magazines in the waiting room too, if you're interested." - The man looked at you while he cleaned his palms in the rug. - "The chocolate sounds nice if you don't mind." - "That's a buck worth of excess fare." - He mumbled to you, but walked to his office, getting the coffee machine ready. You almost wanted to tell him something back - yet just at that moment, the man turned his head at you.

His palm quickly pulled a strand of his black hair behind his eyes while his brown, warm eyes gave you a look. - "I was joking. It's counted into the services." - Jacob explained quickly. Oh. You nodded. It didn't sound like a joke, but who were you to judge that. Were all the people in Forks like this? If they were, well, this was sure a great place to live at. Just after he put the small cup on the table in the waiting room, he made sure the heating is on in there. After that, he disappeared into the workplace. All you could hear was some quiet music and rattling of tools as Jacob got into work.

All you did was that you sat there like a small kid, sipping on the warm treat. It was making you feel a bit better. Suddenly, the man almost kicked the door, standing in there with a horrified expression. - "How old is the car?" - Jacob asked simply, rubbing his palms into the rug again. Something in his eyes told you he's being freaked out by what he had seemed. - "I don't know. I bought it six years ago from my neighbor who was forbidden to drive because she couldn't see anymore." - You answered immediately, standing up to look the man in his eyes. - "I don't know how did it drive for so long. This is a wreck." - The mechanic informed you and turned on his heels, marching back to the shop. When you didn't get his hint and didn't follow, he turned his head at you and rose his eyebrow. You were there in no time at all.

"I don't even know where to start. The AC is busted, the hoses in the engine are clogged by various stuff, your alternator... Wow, I'm wondering that it's one piece..." - He was pointing his fingers around, talking about the breaks, some small parts, and various other stuff. - "Um, Mr. Black, I don't understand what you're trying to say, so... Can you get to the point? What is wrong and how much will it cost to repair the car?" - The expression you had on your face told Jacob that you, indeed, were confused as hell. He knew women, Rosalie Hale and such, who were into cars massively, so he would never say that cars were just a 'guy thing' - yet there were people who just weren't gifted in this sort of thing. - "Uh, I think it might be better to just buy some new car," - Jacob started, but your face told him you weren't thinking about leaving the beloved Beetle behind. - "Or, I can try to figure out what to do, yeah." - Suddenly, he walked to his small desk and started to work with his calculator, writing things down on a list. Then, he showed you how much you were about to pay - and the sum made you sit on the chair he had there. With a long sigh, you leaned your elbows to your knees, trying to keep it together.

700 dollars with his work counted in. That was quite something - somehow, you were positive that Jacob Black gave you a pity-discount as well. Sure, you had something saved - but you needed to eat something in Tacoma and 700 bucks wouldn't be healthy for your dying bank account. As a university student, you had multiple loans and stuff, you also had to pay the rent... And certainly, you didn't have spare 15.000 bucks to buy a new car. And you needed one. With a shaky sigh, you put your head to your palms and tried to keep it together. - "It will take me at least two weeks to get all the parts I need and then... Listen, I didn't know the car's this bad either." - Suddenly, you realized that the man is standing next to you, smoothing your shoulder. He could understand people in bad financial situations - he hadn't much himself, though it was significantly better than when he was younger.

He wanted to help you somehow, but the parts were simply too expansive against his liking. Especially for something like the Beetle in front of him. This bad boy needed to take care of everything - and Jacob, sure of his experience with old cars, knew he can repair it... Somehow. - "Is there a motel somewhere out here? Do you know the prices?" - You asked silently. Dear God, were you crying? What should he do? A crying woman, when did he encounter a situation tricky as this one the last time? His brain circuits almost burned up when he thought about what should he do with you. And suddenly... The small bulb was there. - "Um, are you a murderer or something like that?" - Jacob mumbled, trying to joke - and to his surprise, you joked back. - "I won't be killing anyone for you to repair my car with a discount." - This made him chuckle.

"That's good to know. I'll present you an idea, okay? Since I'm now sure you're not so mentally okay..." - "What did you say?" - Suddenly, you sprang up, making Jacob grin even more as he walked around the room. - "Nothing. All I'm saying is... The motel could get expansive for a long-term stay and I have one spare room above the shop. It's used for visitors mostly, so nothing you'd have to worry about. I'll ask ten bucks for a week and it would be kinda fine if you'd buy some food sometimes... And if you'd like to, you can help me out here - and in exchange for that, I'll give you a discount. I think I can lower the sum to 500, maybe 450 if I'll be lucky. I have to make something outta this, you know?" - The man leaned his ass into the car standing behind him, smiling at you carefully. Okay, this sure as hell was an act of pettiness, you could tell just by the look he gave you. But, honestly, he didn't seem to be that bad now.

Also, this was genuinely nice of him. When you imagined how much you'd pay for the motel, the car, and your food altogether, just for the two-week stay, your eyes rolled on their own. - "Why are you doing this?" - You asked quietly. You appreciated the help, you did, but it was strange. Maybe, if everyone was like the mechanic Jacob Black in Forks, the town wasn't half bad. - "Listen, I'm not some dude who would be into a kidnapping or other weird stuff... I just know how it's like not to have much money. You're young, driving this piece of crap, what do you work as, might I ask?" - "A teacher. I'll be starting in Tacoma this September." - Jacob didn't answer to your answer, he just rose his eyebrows to get his point across. - "Take it or leave it. That's all I'm saying." - "You also did miss the fact that I don't know cars at all." - There you were again, the joking-around girl he had seen just a few moments before. - "I also didn't say you'd get near my cars, God protects you if you'd try to do so. I have... Uh... Some problems with the administration if you wouldn't mind. Paperwork isn't my thing and picking up calls isn't my stick either." - "I've noticed."

For a moment, you've been looking at the dude in dead silence. Well, it was a risky plan - but you weren't in the position to do much more. Jacob gave you the best possible alternative you could hope for, it was just because he, under all the annoyance, could maybe be a pretty reasonable guy. - "I'll take your offer, only if I can tell the chief of local police that I'm staying in this workshop." - Jacob snorted at your condition, but he needed to say it was fair enough. - "Sure. So... Is that a deal?" - The man offered you a palm and you stood up, shaking it. - "It is a deal, Mr. Black. Name's Y/N, by the way. You probably should know that."

#a white demon love song #such a great song #omg #jacob black x reader #jacob black #the twilight saga #twilight saga #twilight renessaince #twilight crackheads #forks washington #the olympic peninsula #la push #the quileutes #lemme start another story babey

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currentfandomkick · 4 years

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Why Marinette Hates Tim

Marinette blames Tim next summer for all that happened. Why? He cursed her with a vague theory. And Max and her Both know give her a clue and she has to follow it to solve the puzzle—a fatal flaw for her, Puzzler, Hero Stalker (Tim), Riddler and her father, Professor Strange (even if he is using an alias and supposedly dead as far as legal documents go).

Hero Staker Tim swore he’d become Robin if the current one left. It was a joke between them, she thought. Then he vanished the next summer, the first one where there wasnt any Robin mentioned anywhere. It was eery.

Then, then Timothy Drake, heir to some company-who looks a lot like her Hero Stalker—is a Wayne. And there’s a new Robin. This... deeply bothers Marinette. Why? New Robin seeks her out and talks a lot like Hero Stalker. And has a too similar movement pattern and tells.

And wasnt Hero Stalker Tim from a rich but high on neglient at best family? Didnt that happen to Timothy Drake before ending up as a Wayne?

Her that puzzle peice was central to figuring this out and goddamnit. Frost, who hates gossip, told her to just look up the rich families with kids Hero Stalker’s age and see who looked like him and to leave from to his lab and antidotes already.

Frost accidently gave her the vital method to see if Hero Stalker was that dumb to be become Robin after Robin the Second (Jason) was brutally murdered. The answer was yes.

And now Marinette had a crisis. She knew Batman’s identity was Bruce Wayne. How? Tim calls Bruce his dad. New Robin slipped and called him dad. And Tim is New Robin since Tim is Hero Stalker and no one else came close to looking like Hero Stalker from the data pool which involved more hacking than she ever thought she would do.

Marinette, a child, figured out who Batman was by age 9 becuase his new Robin/former Stalker was too obviously himself. She is embarrassed on his behalf, and honestly debates asking Riddler to separate him and Bats in a non-lethal puzzle trap just to lecture him. Becuase what the fuck Hero Stalker! If she can figure it out, then everyone else can too! Probably(?) likely. Either way its bad!

She doesnt though... Riddler puts together she’s concerned for the new Robin, traps Bats in a different puzzle maze from Robin, who is stuck with a grounded Marinette. Why was she grounded, easy. She got caught returning stolen jewlry on camera. It was punishment for failing basic stealth—always take out any witness.

And instead of pointing out she knows who Bats is, she tells him to work on a different persona since ‘i made you weeks ago. Its pretending to be someone you’re not completely is all. I have to do that around Maman and Papa all the time, and whenever i go out with anyone really. Up your secret identity game already!’

Riddler is busy with Bats and didnt do cameras. Why? “Im not redesiging a perfectly good grounding maze every time. They take time and i dint always have it. Its time economics Batman. I dont know what our lovely Princess said or did to your Robin. He’s fine though, see? No major injuries.”

Tim relized Marinette knew Hero Stalker was batman’s new Robin. This meant one thing—he could still help her and the RKC now! Why? He knew even if they made him out, they want to help people and never be like their parents, duh. And if they added to his budding information network with incredibly accurate information so long as he didnt rat them out to Batman, its fine.

Afterall, Pixie Pop wants to help poeple and is working the rouges into vigilantes to help more than hurt, and is doing a great job of it for the most part. So if Pixie Pop is Princess who’s the maybe kryptonian and her powers align with that theory, so what? Superman has an heir already and a bio!son too, apparently. Lois didnt tell him since they werent together then and yeah. So really, Superman didnt need another kid, and Pixie Pop didnt want another dad—“i have Papa and Father and now four of my friends’ dads in Paris called dibs on partial custody. I have more dads than i need for a quartet. That is far too many dads and i refuse to get another one!”

Then Marinette is talking to Alix and finds out about an old director at the Lourve her dad knew, Diana Prince. Marinette was working on a Wonder Woman inspired outfit, and knew her history of Wonder Woman thank you. Its just...

Wonder Woman appeared just after Miss Prince Left. And from the videos Alix sent of her new hero, she was terrifyingly similar to Wonder Woman. Not only did they look alike and have the same hair style preference, it was the same face if she did facial recognition with Markov, her robot son with Max. Then there was gait, generao stances and how she interacted with men and women so differently as both people and damnit. Same person.

She curses Hero Staker Tim for this. She now has to hide two hero identities. Why her?

The third was debatably Ivy and Harley’s fault, but defiantely still Tim’s. Why? He was the one that got her hooked on Barry Allen’s cases, and pointing out that he didnt see meta as bad or evil but as people who can be good or be civilians peacefully. That, she needed that with how much vitrol she had to swallow about her powers indirectly from everywhere but her school and some parts of Gotham.

In her defense, she is a nerd here. A nerd. So realizing the The Flash is also the forensics guy from Central City that she kinda follows on all her social medias, watches the cases of unfold, and knows has a reputation for being late a lot like her but is still well liked. So she may fangirl about his cases with Hero Stalker erm. Tim now, still.

And if one day she managed to pout at her father enough to get him to agree to let her go with Harley and Ivy to Central City for a few days to see the meta museum they just opened up (technically the Flash Museum, but Marinette didn’t care. It was focused on metas not being horrible and that meant a lot to her scared, meta closeted butt).

And then her favorite forensic investigator, The Barry Allen, shows up? Best day ever. He’s nice! And concerned about how much of his cases she knows. Its not her fault this time though! Hero Stalker—Tim—sent her a case of his that went cold and she liked his science and yeah. New hero added to her listpersonal heroes list.

Harley isn’t even mad, just amused as Marinette fangirls over someone that isnt her and Barry has no clue how to respond as a tiny child know him as Barry Allen and thinks he’s awesome? Why?? He is happy but so confused and Iris is dying until Marinette cites cases that she shouldnt know about and tiny child why, how, when and where did you get that information!

The only answer is a friend likes cold cases and has no qualms hacking to find interesting ones, if he’s stumped then Marinette (Jill Smith mr. allen sir!) gets to try. And she is good at it since she can ask an officer in France (officer Raincomprix) about logistical things, common error margins and then puzzle it all out herself from there.

Somewhere she mentions absently that her mom doesnt like her science-y side since her dad was a bad person and liked science but she still likes learning and helping, even if the family buisness is food and service and they want her to either take over or become a designer. She’s thinking maybe for people woth disabilites so she can do more mental work and toy with hiw things bend and move and such.

Iris and Barry are ConcernedTM and debating how to get custody, or get her away from her mom or both. Probably both—no science allowed for a clear science obssessed kid is a red flag for bith of them that somethinf is very wrong. Harley and Ivy wave it off as “trust us, her mom aint budging.”

then the Flash is needed because of some gorilla—Marinette was more focused on an outfit on display and muttering over aerodynamics and friction. Barry is Concerned (smart kid, likes helping, potentially a league ally?) before he bolts, determined to get more on her when he returns and possibly see if he can get cps involved.

Marinette only notices that her hero moving so fast and oh god she did it again damnit! That was superspeed. And only one speedster had similiar measurements, the Flash.

She cant even tell Hero Stalker now because he’s Robin and the Justice League would Flip if they knew she knew 3 of their hero’s identities. She just hit her head and said “i did it again!” Harley pats her head while Marinette burrows into her because why is she a danger to the Justice League and secret identities! She doesnt want to be or to know damnit!

Tim sneezes in the distance and wonders who’s talking about him behind his back this time. He messages batgirl about this bad feeling he has and she laughs it off as the boy developing Batman’s paranoia.

Her Fourth solve was Green Arrow. It was an accident! She swears. She just saw oliver queen with a bow and arrow in a video shooting. and noticed he had a very distinct and familiar style to someone but not who. Then compared it to various archers as her brain was nagging. Then saw a green arrow video and cursed herself again then Tim five more times.

She sent a message to Rose asking why she’s a danger to all secret identities. Rose tells her it is her curse for being too damn smart and not leaving things alone.

Marinette tries reallly hard not to figure out the next one. But really, it should have been an earlier solve and she’s mad at herself for missing it for so long, even if it was more aviodance than denial.

Admittedly this one should have been an earlier solve, but she was very little when she found out about the surgery and everything and it was uncomfortable damnit! So she did what any reasonable child would. Ignore it. Then she went over the file to see if maybe she could possibly target parts of the kyptonian DNA in her to weaken it. And saw who the intended donor was, Clark Kent, a reporter that has impossible luck with big hero scoops, is never injured or rescued, and never been sick. He also looks like... one quick photoshop of his glasses onto superman with a clothing change and she sees her usual disguise technique on goddamn superman. She is overwhelmed with this as ‘oh god superman will kidnap me if he finds out!’ And hides from him whenever he’s in the region—be it France or Gotham.

Her friends think its hilarious, Marinette feels sick from it. She doesnt like this and is genuinely scared for her life and family’s safety now. And we all know how nervous marinettes are.

If at one point batman tried to talk to her on patrol and somewhat suceeded. As in, she spoke beofre bolting.

“I didnt figure out who boyscout and amazon and boltbrain and arrowhead are! Or you and the batfam! Bye!!!!” Yes, clearly Marinette can lie very well.

Batman sees through it and feels sick. He forces a league meeting asap and fills them in.

“this kid put five of our identities together and cant even lie. We need to recruit them.”

“Batman, is this that kid KF mentioned to me?”

Batman nodded. Flash sighed. “Okay. We are on a manhunt for a kid kyptonian that is terrified of all of us, very smart, and may have an active gotham villain as a parent. And somehow knows me and—wait. bats, do you have any pics of your rogues in civilian clothing? I need to test a theory...”

A few minutes later and “oh my god that little kid i met as a civilian figured me out!”

A few days later Flash finds her by acccident as a civilian kid in broad daylight on her own in Central. He doesnt show he knows she knows, And finds out she’s waiting for her babysitter to finish a class.

Flash just asks about a case he put together as Barry Allen that she might know about and...

“Uh, mr. Flash? Why are you asking me? The lead florensics was Barry Allen.”

He tries insulting Barry Allen—he’s late and sloppy and—

only for Marinette to defend him to the death. “He’s late because he stays up late working on other cases. Appearances and organizational skills arent what matters with his expertise mr. flash! He even foghts for metas to have their circumstances and powers impact on them considered dueing sentencing!”

Flash is very touched and shocked. only then he manages to get out of her that where she lives (france) being meta is a life sentence to “a living zombie And jail-time for being born a lot, even if it is t in normal prisons. And you know what? Mr. Allen stated so many times that you need to contextualize powers and abilities and intent in his testimonies for meta cases. Back home youre put in prison for defending yourself...” she tugs at her sleeve here.

“Maman screamed at me when she found out a few kids were getting stalked and i helped out and someone got it on tape. Not becuase my powers showed or anything—father made a treatment so they dont, well, they stay off when i use them and follow all the behavior and environmental rules so they cant put me in one of the centers. But she, she’s stills cared someone will try to check me for abilities back in France, and that she’ll lose me. She doesnt always realize i have them until things like that happen...”

Flash is desperately trying not to adopt her. Wally would love a little sister, and Superman has enoguh kids, Bats does too. he is oreventing arrow form having another one as she’s powered and that isnt a good when working with Green Arrow unless the meta is his girlfriend. And the girl loves science—come on!

batman, Green Arrow, Wonder Woman and Superman heard the Feance bit over comms and suddenly it hit them that the kid could be in danger for existing and that an entire country villified being meta to an extreme. That the girl is in hiding and probably using an alias constantly. Batman mentally adopted her ages ago and is now in Worried Dad mode like Flash and apparently Superman was falling into it too. Wonder Woman is in righteous rage mode and ready to fight france herself if she has to—no imprisoning metas for being metas!

Flash decided to be direct since he knew she trusted him as Mr. Allen and knows he’s Flash.“So, am i allowed to know which powers you have?”

Marinette shook her head, visbily distressed and floating skightly. “If, if they ever find out i cant. I cant risk Maman and Papa and Father. I dont know everything but Father only started being a good person after the, the incident where he had to go into witness protection. Maman is dead as far as a lot of people are concerned, or she never existed. Papa doesnt know about any of it. I cant. I cant risk what they worked for by being outted.”

Flash is very concerned. “Thats a lot of pressure to put in yourself, especially at your age.”

marinette didnt make eye contact then. “I have to. If i dont people can connect dots and dashes and blips. Father says its easy for him too and that possibilities are just what we’re both hardwired for but. But i shouldn’t catch as many as i do—my teachers keep saying i need to dial it back and stop catching on so fast and blurting it all out but, i just...” marientte is visibly drowning under the pressure to act not-meta and keep her family safe.

“Sounds like youre a real smart kid.”

“Smart kids dont get caught.” She meant herself with her jewlry returns, Flash thought she meant the JL, and tried to redirect the conversation.

If the JL was out then...

“If you cant tell me, can you at least tell me you have someone to talk to about these things?”

“Auntie Quinn and Rose. Rose doesnt like you guys though.”

Flash laughed a little at that. “Alright, fair enough. Who made her mad? Was it arrow?”

“Batman.” Marinette frowning as she said the enxt bit. “Something about her being given to someone that should never be allowed bear children? She rants a lot so i cant always keep up.”

Batman internally bangs his head against a table. Outwardly, he says “Ivy’s daughter, rose. That girl, she’s the Princess.”

The assemebled winced. They all pushed for Rose to be sent toback to her mother, Ivy, since they didnt trust her with any available mentor and Ivy was usually a low ranking Gotham eco-terrorist pacified by wayne gardens and green initiatives. Apprently Rose has a lot of sway over the Princess too.

Marinette changes the conversation while. Waiting for her babysitter, Ghoul, to leave class. She needs a distraction from her situation that the Flash was willing to give her.

“Can i look at the case again? Something doesnt add up... there! See? Its close to the Speedsters that leave marks at those angles but only if they really mess with the speed force and the spacetime continuum! But theres no evidence of that, its a lightning meta, Possibly using it to teleport since no one came in or out on camera. Its a slight angle and all but...”

Flash decides Marinette will join the Justice League one day or so help him! He also decides to target france’s anti-meta policies and possibly kidnap Marinette.

The League isnt letting him. But he has a fan of Barry Allen who is handling Gotham’s criminals and beign given slack by them... albeit also raised by in-part. But the girl has a strong moral compass that is a lot like most of League’s so.

He’s fighting Bats for custody on principle. His fangirl, he has dibs!

Dont know why it ended up with Flash becoming a ‘Marinette is my daughter now’ person but why not? Wally would like her as a sister, probably.

Marinette blames all of this and the future consequences on Tim. She hates her vanishing freind for this.

#maribat #bio!dad au #bio!dad strange #marinette strange dupain cheng #accidental secret identity solves #my au #my ideas #justice league is trying to get mari and there will be a custody battle #not just between heroes and rogues #but each other becuase yep. too many claims #wait until she gets tikki and diana throws her hat into the mentor ring

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witchcraft-in-wonderland · 4 years

Text

Cori's Tale (Pt.1)

-------------------------

I was never much for listening to the old stories they told us about monsters and humans fighting. It wasn't that I didn't care- I just had better things to do, like drawing. I had a black backpack with gold spikes for all my sketchbooks and drawing materials, I never leave home without it. The other kids at school think it's weird, I've never taken the thing off since I got it, but I like it! That's all that matters.

Oh, how rude of me, I haven't even introduced myself have I? Cori Sable, resident nonbinary disaster child. Not that it's of any consequence what my gender or lack thereof is, after all I'm only twelve years old aren't I.

But back to the important stuff! I live in a community of lots of people, it's fun, we get along pretty well when people aren't calling me names or telling me the backpack I wear is pointless and stupid and I should just get rid of it.

If I had to complain about anything, it would be the fact that no one seems to notice how many kids go missing at Mt. Ebbot every year. Every year some kid gets dared to climb it, and every year they don't come back. With the way the other kids look at each other sometimes, I worry they know exactly what they're doing when they send someone up there.

"And that's the story of how the humans were victorious in the Battle of Mt. Ebbot," the teacher closed her book, placing it on a shelf next to her. I hadnt heard a word of what she said, not that it mattered since I already had the whole thing memorized to begin with. I glared enviously at the back of the room, where teenagers sat on their phones, willingly able to ignore the story and not get in trouble. We werent allowed to get phones until we were fourteen, and even then we had to get jobs first, and recite the story of monsters vs humans. I don't think I'll ever get a phone, I'm terrible at doing work for one. For two the way everyone here tells the story of our fight seems very biased, it's almost like they didn't try to cooperate with the monsters at all, just maim and kill and lock away where no one else can find them. It's rather rude in my opinion, monsters just seem like weaker magical humans, they just look different and have a different culture, I don't see what's wrong with that.

Of course, bringing this up would be a detriment to my already tediously hanging reputation here. A kid who isn't well liked would be ill-advised to go spouting off about how monsters and humans aren't so different, about how maybe if we'd shown a little mercy we wouldn't be in this situation.

See, we used to be able to live in separate houses, used to be able to get stuff whenever we wanted. But it turns out a lot of that was because if decent trading with monsters, and of course, no monsters, no nice things. Not to mention, going through an entire war is hardly good for anyone involved, it's actually probably the worst possible event to go through. That's what led us to here, with so many orphans the human race decided "why not just make all children orphans" and took us away from our parents nearly as soon as we were born to be raised in these communities, only able to escape once we prove sufficient enough to survive on our own.

I'll probably never get out, they'll kick me out at twenty-one of course, but the problem with that is, I don't think I'll get the hang of life by then, or ever really. There's just to many things to learn! How to drive a car, how to use a phone, how to get a job, how to talk to people, it's all way to much. And with no one helping me out, I'm basically trying to operate a plane where all the buttons are the same color and the switches don't have labels.

Recess was my least favorite part of the day. I used to like it, but now I get pushed off of everything I try to use. On top of that, recess is when The Choosing happens. If you haven't figured it out yet, that's when someone gets dared to climb a giant mountain or risk being labelled a coward and ostracised, one time a kid refused and they got them kicked out entirely!

"Cori!" I heard a rough grumbling voice call my name. I turned to face the girl, her name was Ulana, and she was the one who decided what happened to all of us. Red hair braided behind her back, Jean's ripped in so many places it couldnt possibly be intentional, the only thing scarier than her was the twin brothers that always followed close behind. Sora and Pevril were oddities of their own, with Sora having black and blue eyes and Pevril being abnormally tall for a child. They were of course, only scary when around Ulana, other than that, I didn't see them as much of a threat, sometimes it even seemed like we could be friends.

"What is it, Lan," I said, raising an eyebrow.

"Don't call me Lan," growled the girl, she was nearly a foot taller than me, and almost old enough to age out of the community to. But she was looking for a reaction, and I learned long ago that I should never give one to a bully, not if I had any self-respect.

"Right, well what do you want then?" I tilted my head to the side, focusing more on the sound of children playing in the distance than Ulana.

"I bet you can't climb Mt. Ebbot and survive," I froze for a second. I was aware I wasn't well liked, but perhaps i should've paid attention to just how deep that disdain went.

"And if I don't accept?" I said, digging my feet into the ground.

"Then I'll take that nice backpack of yours and chuck it in with the next kid, and you'll get kicked out," I wrapped my hands around the backpack straps subconsciously.

"Fine, I'll play your game, but if I do make it back, you can't send anyone else down ever again," I said, looking her directly in the eyes. There was a glint there, one I that sent shivers down my spine.

Mountains were, of course, cold, but my legs had a weird relationship with temperature. I had a blue and indigo striped hoodie on, one with little grey horns at the top, and black shorts with black boots. The ever important backpack was still tossed over my shoulders, sketchbook and art materials jostling around inside.

I reached the top of the mountain soon after, there was a crater at the center. I thought to myself for a second, whether Ulana had mentioned anything about going into the mountain, or if I could go home saying I had climbed it myself. I was in fact, so caught up in this decision, that I was caught off guard by a light shove from behind, and sent hurtling down the crater, my backpack clutched to my chest.

I landed, miraculously, in a pile of soft flowers, that seemed to cushion my fall.

I couldn't tell where I was, just that I was really far down, and the sky was really far up. I made the decision to keep walking.

After a few mere seconds of this I came across a patch of grass, where an orange tree stood at the center. I paused for a second before realizing- the tree had a face.

"Howdy! I'm Orangey, Orangey the orange tree!" It spoke, in a voice that sounded cold and calculated.

"Uh- hi- I'm Cori- the not orange not tree-" I said, doing a sort of two-finger salute in return.

"You're new to the underground arentcha?" Said Orangey, I nodded in response.

"Let me help you," suddenly something jumped out in front of me. It was glowing, different shades of pink blue and yellow faded in and out of what looked like a heart.

"This is your SOUL, the very culmination of your being!" Said Orangey, he seemed unphased by the tri-color phenomenon of it.

"Your SOUL can get stronger when you gain LV, that stands for LOVE," he said. I wasnt sure that sounded right, Love didnt seem like the kind of word one would need to abbreviate.

"Down here, LOVE is shared through friendliness pellets," spinning orange shapes appeared on all sides, I eyed them suspiciously "Go on! Catch as many as you can!" Said the tree. I chose to go the opposite route, backing away as the shapes closed in on me.

The tree's expression changed, it was one of anger and hatred "Smart kid, aren't you," its voice was deeper, less calculated, more angry and bordering on psychopathic.

The pellets surrounded me on all sides, preparing to close in. The tree began to laugh, a cold and unfeeling cackle that sent a chill down my spine. The pellets were inches away from my skin, when suddenly they'd disappeared, the tree was gone. Something- no- someone- walked out if the shadows. He was tall, with white fur and horns, and a tossle of light brown hair at the top of his head, adorned with glasses, a blue shirt, khakis, and a grey cardigan.

"What a cruel creature, torturing such a poor innocent youth," he spoke in a softer voice, one that reminded me of how the guardians back at the community spoke to the younger children.

"I am Patton, caretaker of the ruins, come with me, I will keep you safe," Patton held a hand out, I accepted it after a few moments hesitation. Patton walked with me through an archway, into an elaborate structure, covered with vines and flowers. I felt something spark in me, I thought back to the sketchbooks in my backpack.

"Can I sit down for a second? That was a little scary," I said. Patton smiled and nodded, setting himself down in a pile of flowers between two sets of stairs. I sat down as well and pulled out a sketchbook, beginning to draw the things surrounding me.

"Oh! An artist!" Patton said excitedly.

I smiled and brushed it off slightly "Not so much artist as bored little kid with to much creativity," was my only reply as we sat there, trying to ignore the things my head was telling me.

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Tag list:

@nerosdayinhell

@that-artsy-gay

@official-lucifers-child

@spooky-scary-virgil

@youtuberswithalex

@misunderstoodshadowling

#cori writes #ts patton #ts orange side #cori sable #undertale cw #undertale #cw undertale #tw bullying #bullying tw #war mention tw #tw war mention #war mention #bullying #cori's tale

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roleplcyheaux · 4 years

Note

what did kelly do to you that was so terrible that person witnessed?

i’m assuming you mean the person who messaged amanda about me when you said “that person”? truth be told i’m not sure what that person witnessed because i’m not sure who sent that in. i spent almost 4+ years being friends with kelly and in that time span a lot of people came into the fold and left it and i don’t know all their stories. or what they saw in that time. i only know my own story and it’s long and convoluted but i’m gonna share it. before i do though, i want to say this isn’t a call out post. or well, it’s not meant to be one. i’m not a fan of cancel culture and i don’t believe anyone is beyond the point of redemption.

i’ve forgiven kelly for a lot of the stuff that’s happened between us and i also acknowledge a lot of our problems were because i never was honest with her when she asked if things were alright. for the sake of keeping the peace and not starting drama i never said a lot of things. if anything i enabled her. that’s why i’m compelled to answer this question. it’s not my place to judge whether kelly is a bad person or not. it is my hope that she’ll read this and realize she’s capable of hurting people more than she realizes. it’s my hope that seeing these words come from someone who knew her for years and thought the world of her will make her realize that the stuff that’s being said about her isn’t just coming from bitter, fake woke, negative people who are making things up to make her look bad or evil.

it’s important to note that kelly was one of my best friends in the whole world. both online and off. i was 18/19 when i met her. basically just graduating high school and still impressionable and kelly was there for me a lot through those formative years. she made me feel accepted and loved in a time where i felt anything but due to another group of friends who exiled me for being who i was (a woc who practiced islam). literally for the first year or so of knowing her (and ace, kaisi, whoever else was in our friend group at the time) i was lying about my identity. essentially catfishing them to the point where i’d have a friend i knew irl send snapchats for me. the closer i got to them the more the lie i was living weighed on me. i tried to distance myself from them out of guilt because of it but kelly always reached out and when i finally revealed i was lying and showed them who i really was they accepted me.

they understood! it was as if a weight had been lifted off my shoulders and i was closer to her than ever cause i knew that since she had been so cool with it, that everyone else would take her lead and be cool with it too. that’s the thing about kelly, she has that effect on people. she’s so sure of herself, confident, full of life and people just follow her lead cause she’s charismatic. i knew that since she accepted me everyone else would and i could live my truth finally. after that i essentially felt indebted to her. i loved her. she was honestly like a sister to me. an older sister i wanted to prove myself to and impress. there were a lot of things throughout the time i was friends with her that could have been considered red flags that i ignored. a lot of things she did and said that didn’t sit right with me that i did nothing about. i always gave kelly the benefit of the doubt because that’s what she had given me. but that changed. there was really one defining moment in our friendship where i had my breaking point but even before then there were things:

she asked me to join a group with her as a twin to her nina dobrev and then got mad at me for plotting with people and began accusing me of trying to compete with her even though she’s the one that asked me to join the group. i immediately apologized for trying to steal her thunder and offered to leave the group. i remember messaging lana about it separately and being upset that kelly compared me to an rper we mutually didnt like at the time and who i thought was trying to compete with me on the dash and copy me.

there was an instance where i told a mutual friend that she ended up wanting to do a plot similar to one kelly and i were planning to do for our ship so we decided not to do it. no big deal right? apparently not cause kelly was furious at me for telling this friend this information for some reason? she made a big deal about it and told me she didn’t like people talking behind her back so then i became terrified of saying anything about her even in passing to someone for fear that she’d be mad at me about it.

i learned recently that she used her closeness to me and our bond to make that friend (the same friend from the bullet above) feel excluded. [SCREENSHOT ONE], [SCREENSHOT TWO]. this is someone who she introduced me to mind you. someone she encouraged me to get along with. she would initiate skype calls and then go silent on us so we would continue chatting, not thinking much of it. then later she would accuse us (only to me) of ignoring her and intentionally leaving her out. i remember apologizing for this even though, once again i had zero idea what i did wrong. i also remember that me & this person started to just call/talk to each other directly instead of in the chat cause we didnt want kelly to be mad at us for getting along.

after that, kelly made a gc excluding this friend without their knowledge. Kelly asked this friend if everything was okay between them and they responded saying they felt a little shitty because they were being intentionally left out. after that, kelly blew up in the gc. she was so angry she left the gc. at this point, she didn’t know who in the fc had told this person about it and i was so scared that i literally prayed before i could message her to tell her that it was me. That night was so scary to me that i honestly don’t remember how the conversation ended, but we managed to patch things up by the end of it.

I recently found out from said friend that kelly knew it was me all along, which can only mean kelly pretended not to know to test if i’d really tell her or not?

this person eventually just cut me out of their life all together simply to avoid kelly. which meant i ended up losing someone who was becoming a really good friend. [SCREENSHOT THREE].

one time there was a plot involving my character’s family member. a plot, which was kelly’s idea, where ace’s muse would die. he was my muse’s twin brother. this plot was huge and i started trying to plan the aftermath cause my character would obviously be affected. only the closer it got to the plot happening they kept changing what would happen. one day he would for sure die. the next he wasn’t going to. etc. when it was set in stone he was gonna die i began plotting with other people based on this huge event that was going to happen

but then last minute they changed their minds and he wasn’t going to die but be in a coma. i don’t remember what my reaction was really but kelly didn’t like it and she messaged me angrily accusing me of trying to make everything about my muse and make ace feel bad about not wanting to kill her character. she said something about how i already had all these other plots and i was being selfish. i apologized and explained i was more than okay with micah living and that i just was upset cause i already planned things in advance but i could easily alter stuff to fit the new plot. at the end of that conversation i think i was more upset about how she approached me about the situation than the situation itself.

that’s something that can be said about all of the situations above. it was never what kelly was upset about that made me feel shitty. it was how she chose to talk to me about it. constantly it felt like when she came to me with an issue she was having that she’d either use ace against me to make me feel like not one, but two of my closest friends were mad at me or she’d come in with an energy where it felt like i was guilty until proven innocent. it wasn’t a conversation between friends trying to solve a problem. it was like defending yourself to a judge until the judge decided that you weren’t at fault or at the very least gave them the answers they wanted from you.

none of this stuff is really in order and i can’t be sure when this incident occurred but kelly apparently said horrible things about me and our friend to a person she invited to join a group we were all admining together. i didn’t find out about this until literally today after i already started answering this ask. [SCREENSHOT FOUR], [SCREENSHOT FIVE], [SCREENSHOT SIX]

i also witnessed kelly be unfairly judgmental over someone who joined one of our groups as her wanted connection. the closer i got to this person the more critical kelly grew of her and how she played the character. to the point where the girl could feel her hostility and constantly sent me messages inquiring what she had done wrong to make kelly hate her. [SCREENSHOT SEVEN]

eventually i decided to open a group with this person, lana, and another girl i’d gotten close to toward the end of the group i was admining with kelly & ace.

this is what led to my breaking point. friends have disagreements. they have fights. and everything up until that point i easily got over because we always managed to resolve the issue and see where the other was coming from. but this fight wasn’t like the others. i had never ever in my life ever felt so hopeless and like nothing i could say would calm her down or make her see things from my side. she came in guns blazing in a way i’d never witnessed before. to the point where i literally got sick and threw up. all while being on a call with my fellow admins who were lost at what to do to help me. i’ve lived with anxiety my whole life but that night was when i had my first full blown panic attack. [SCREENSHOT EIGHT],[SCREENSHOT NINE].

after that i confided in ace. our mutual close friend. i said something about how i couldn’t understand how she handled when kelly got mad at her like this so well because i was falling part. i apologized for seeing the way kelly treated her and never saying anything about it cause i understood how it felt now. i want to say at this point ace was genuinely trying to comfort me and calm me down. she gave me advice. she said give kelly some time. even though kelly told me that ace was upset/mad at me too ace was being so kind and understanding and hearing me out. then, the scripted flipped. i dont know what was said between her and kelly but suddenly ace was against me as well. i was accused of trying to come inbetween them. and i distinctly remember being called childish for being upset about the fight in the first place which hurt me even more (i would provide ss for this too but i cant find them]. ace unfriended me on skype. i never responded to kelly’s last message. and we didn’t really talk for a year or so.

we ended up letting bygones be bygones and accepted kelly into the revamp of the exact group she had been mad at me for opening. it was my honest intention to rekindle our friendship and leave everything in the past but i couldn’t go back to seeing kelly the way i used to. i couldn’t help, but feel like everything she said or did was suspicious due to our history. evidently, i wasn’t over what had happened between us and i still let her into my life again because i genuinely wanted to fix things. for stuff to go back to the way it used to be! and for a while we were all really good at pretending like it was but kelly would consistently do stuff that would drain me. mostly it just felt like once again i wasn’t allowed to have friends outside of her. she and ace always found something bad to say about the people lana and i were close to.

kelly would constantly message me being “worried” about “stepping on toes” even after i would tell her over and over again that these girls had nothing against her. she accused one of sending her anon hate but provided no proof. after opening a group they accused the same girl and our close friend tee (who were both admining with us) of being competitive and bubble rping on the dash even though it had been ONE DAY.

ace blindsided me one night asking if i was available for a call only to go on a tangent about these new friends. attempting to gaslight me by saying i was being “bulldozed” and how they knew i was so sweet and trying to make everyone happy and that these people were “taking advantage of me” it got so overwhelming that i literally sent lana sos messages cause i didnt know what to say or how to react until she joined the call to give me some sort of back up. ultimately that was what made me distance myself. it genuinely felt like even though kelly claimed to have changed we were still having the same problems. her approach was different but underneath the issues were the same.

i spent a year finding my own path in the rpc instead of following her down hers and when we were reunited it felt like i was expected to fall back into place. to be the same girl who took her at her word and had blind loyalty. when i wasn’t that girl i felt like i was being manipulated into trying to become that girl again. i couldn’t do it anymore so i stopped responding to her messages. i have so many good memories with kelly. so many late night laughs. inside jokes. beautiful muses and plots and characters we created that i still look fondly back on, but i also know that she made me feel helpless, dumb. it messed with my head, made me question my own judgement, and brought out a side of me that i didn’t like. one that was paranoid, anxious, and desperate for her approval. she wasn’t a terrible person to me but sometimes she made me feel terrible and ultimately that’s why we’re not friends

#Anonymous #&&. answered #this is long #sorry #also a lot of this if from a loooong time ago #but its being brought up because sometimes just because something was a long time ago doesn't mean that it doesnt still hurt #so i'm just gonna say that now #since i know a lot of people are gonna be like 'why bring up old stuff'

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chimbu617 · 4 years

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A HTTYD Micro Memoir of the Past Ten Years

It was 2010. I was 8. I just moved to a new town and as someone who was bad at trying to talk to people, I spent all my free time in my imagination and/or with my brother. He was my best friend and we did everything together. My parents weren't big on going to theaters especially with an 8 and 12-year-old. So whenever we watched the newest, latest movie it was always through Red Box, they somehow always got for free. They rented two movies. I don't remember how they picked them out, if it was their or mine and my brother's choice. One night, after dinner, they popped in a disc and played the movie for us. I vividly remember how I felt sitting in our faux leather couch, cuddled up with a blanket in a dark room, focused on the movie. The camera swoops in over a vast ocean in the dead of night. Pillers of stone carvings extruded out of the water with fire burning inside the mouths. In the distance, a beautiful island inhabited with wooden shacks. Small specs of fire can be seen in the village. Over this is a voice-over by the lead character, "This is Berk." A line that will follow me throughout the next 10 years of my life. I spent the rest of that year dreaming of owning a terrible terror and have a friend to explore my world with. Of course, that was virtually impossible. Jump to 2012. I was 11. The first episode of Dragons: Riders of Berk aired. My brother and I begged our parents to record the series and we watched it religiously. We jumped into my bed turned on my tv and grew immensely excited for this world we both developed a love for. I remember how I watched Heather first be introduced and immediately hating her character from the moment she was on screen. I created a self insert character where "I" washed up onto berk after a shipwreck with amnesia. I always thought that Heather stole my premise and then ruined it by betraying the main characters. I now enjoy her character and look back on my childish foolishness. I guess my mom at some point stopped recording the show after my brother moved out and I grew out of the show, but not the fandom. 2013, I was 12 and just started 7th grade. The teaser trailer of the second movie came out and I watched it with awe. I was conflicted by the redesign of Hiccup yet I probably watched that trailer more times than I could count. I met my best friend and we both spent our time in science class drawing. She convinced me to start drawing actually. I spent that time drawing and watching crack compilations for Rise of the Brave Tangled Dragons. I never stopped my love for the world despite not having a lot of content to fill in the void in my heart. I ended up teaching myself Viking/Celtic runes, so I could read the text in the movie and show. It was 2014 when I taught one of my friends in my 8th grade English class the runes so we could pass notes in class. We wrote notes that absolutely made no sense but had so much fun knowing that we were the only ones who understood it. Our teacher caught us passing the note and took it from us. The look on her face was priceless. She looked frustrated and confused. She gave us a baffled look and continued on with class without a word. I wasn't able to watch the second movie in the theater either. I ended up pirating it off some streaming site. I laughed and cried. At his death, my parents came in to ask if I was ok. Several weeks after my 14th birthday in 2015, Race to the Edge's first season was released onto Netflix. I ended up binging all of Riders of Berk and Defenders of Berks in a few nights. I cried when I saw Stoick alive again and revived my undying love for this franchise. January of 2016, my brother called me and asked if I had seen the new season of Race to the Edge. I ended up watching only a few episodes before falling out of interest in the series. In December of 2017, I decided to catch up with the show. I would wake up, go to school, go home, did homework, binge as many episodes as I could and repeat. Soon after I finished it was 2018 and the new and last season was released. I had my friend come over to spend the night and I straight up said "Sorry, but I want to watch this" and she had to sit there and watch the show without any context of prior seasons. For Halloween that year that same friend and I ended up dressing up as Hiccup and Jack Frost. My mom gave me a stuffed toothless she was holding for Christmas for my costume. Some older lady told me she liked my plush cat. When I found out about The Hidden World coming out my friend group and I decided to go see it in theaters. I accidentally overslept that day and rushed to the theaters where my friends were waiting. One of them ended up buying a ticket for me, refusing to accept my money when I offered to pay him back. There aren't words to describe my emotions in those few seconds the Dreamworks logo played. I was excited at being able to finally see one of the movies in the franchise in theaters. Although I started to feel my heart being pulled apart by tiny strings attached to the muscle. I then realized in that small amount of time that, this was it. This was the end. No more. That everything I watched, learned, waited for was for this moment. The dragon classes and types I learned, the runes I used, the music I would close my eyes to and imagine I was in a different world, and the reality in front of me ever since I was a child that I could never live in this world. It was all in front of me. The movie played, and sure I laughed at Tuff, watched in awe at the beautiful plant and sand animation, cried at their parting, and rejoiced at their reunion. As I left the theaters though I couldn't help but think, "It was better than expected but not as good as I hoped". Whenever someone asked me my thoughts of the movie I would tell them those exact words. Looking back now, I don't know what I hoped for it to be. A happier ending? No, I came into this expecting the loss of dragons. A more interesting villain? I can't think of any better villain for the context of the scenario. I left it as such. I hoped for better yet knew not of what I hoped for. It was winter break in 2019 and I left my dorm to go home and visit my family. The first night I was back my mom said she recorded something for me. I sat in the recliner as my cat snuggled into my lap and my mom started up Homecoming. I appreciated the fact that my parents haven't seen the second or third movie, yet sat through Homecoming with no context for me. This last Thursday, the 19th of March, I was working on my theater assignment mid-quarantine and randomly had the desire to watch Ratatouille. As I finished the film it reminded me of How to Train Your Dragon. With the whole human and animal bond that overcomes the differences between the two species to work together. I ended up wanting to watch the film again. As I watched it, I thought to myself, just the first movie, right? As I started The Hidden World, I thought to myself, just the movies, right? As I started Riders of Berk, I thought to myself, just the pre-time skip series, right? As I started Race to the Edge, I thought to myself, I need to drop my Biology course since I'm gonna fail. When I rewatched the third movie all my original doubts on the film vanished. At the end when Hiccup decided to let Toothless go, I didn't cry. But, when Hiccup tells us, the viewer, that dragons were waiting for us to get along, I sobbed, more than I did any other time watching the entire series in the last 10 years. I realized two completely separate things. We as humans will never earn the right to have dragons, as we will never get our crap together. We are filled with corrupted morals and mindsets and will ruin everything and anything we get ahold of. The second thing was something I experienced earlier. Though I was afraid of the end I was so used to things claiming to be over and then the creators ending up making more for a cash grab. In that moment of watching 30-year-old Hiccup throw his son into the air, I realized that this was it. This was the end. The end of the movie, the end of the story, and the end of a large part of my childhood. When I graduated high school I cried in my car after our practice run. I was growing up and I would have to be leaving everything I had known until then behind. It was Troll Hunters a series I started before I moved into my dorm that helped me calm down and move into a new place. It helped me understand that I can't just change and leave what I love behind. I can take it with me beyond this line I drew myself. The past few days changed that though. I couldn't take my beloved world across the line with me. It will forever be chained into my past as something I can look back on yet have no expectations for any future with it. I cried because there was nothing in my hands that I could do to keep what I loved with me. But, with Stoick's words "With love comes loss, that's part of the deal. Sometimes it hurts, but in the end, it's all worth it." Thank you How to Train Your Dragon. You have given me so much. More than I could say. More than I know. We have grown up together, but now it's time for both of us to move on. Time for me to let you go.

Whoever stuck around until the end, thank you. I felt I had to write this as my fingers were itching for it. This is just a first draft but I doubt I’m ever coming back to this. I wanted to do something for the anniversary but like I said I didnt start getting back into httyd until the last 2 weeks and I just found out. I wrote this in like 2-3 hours, and I’m suprised at myself for powering through it. I’m still working on writing personal memoir pieces so excuse my skills. Anyways thank you again and Happy Ten Year Anniversary HTTYD!

#how to train your dragon #httyd #happy anniversary #micro memoir #first draft #draft

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timehealsfanfictionbka · 5 years

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Time Heals.....Chapter Thirty-Six

“Ms. Fenty, you have a visitor,” Robyn’s secretary voice came through the intercom on her desk.

“You can send them in, Liz.”

A few moments passed before her office door opened. Shock then a smile came across her face, “Ms. Lisa?”

Robyn hadn’t seen or spoken to Michael’s mother in some time especially since Robyn told her that the girls’ biological father was back in the picture. Robyn wasn’t sure why the woman had stopped interacting with her but she couldn’t say that she had tried her hardest to keep in contact on her end either. Other than a few phone calls, she kind of let the matter drop.

Lisa brushed her hand over her hair as she stepped further in the office. Robyn pointed towards her couch for her to have a seat as she went to close her office door, “is there something wrong?”

“No. Would you believe I was in the neighborhood and just wanted to say hi?”

“Depends on if that’s the real reason you showed up here.”

“I was really in the neighborhood but I was thinking about the girls and wondered if I could talk to you.”

“Of course you can. Did you want to see them or something? I have no problem arranging that.”

“I did but I also wanted to ask you about their father.”

“Oh. What about him?”

“Do you know him well?”

“Yes, he was a childhood friend of mine, we literally grew up together.”

“So what happened?”

“We had a bit of a falling out. He got married and moved to another country. I found out I was pregnant months after he had already left so he wasn’t aware of my pregnancy.”

“And where did my son fit in?”

“I met Michael when I was already four months pregnant. I told him about the situation but he said he wanted a relationship with me anyway. The rest is kind of history.”

“Oh.”

“May I ask why you are asking me about this? No disrespect but we haven’t really spoken in months since I told you their father was back in the picture. Is there something going on I should know about?”

“No, it’s really just my own curiosity. When you told me that their father was back in their lives, I really didn’t know how to take that or understand where my family would fit in. I figured it was best to keep my distance so you could focus on getting your new family together.”

“My new family? Ms. Lisa, you are still very much an important part of the girls’ lives. I figured the situation was a little awkward but you guys did know that their father wasn’t deceased or anything.”

“That’s very true. I just didn’t realize you knew him as well as you apparently do. When Michael mentioned it was a one night stand, I was expecting him to be a stranger.”

“When did he mention it was a one night stand? I never told him that.”

“We talked after he introduced us and explained the baby situation.”

“Ok but where did he get one night stand from because we never discussed how I got pregnant? I just told him that I was pregnant and the father was no longer in the picture.”

“Oh. I mean he did speak to his sister and-”

“Of course he did and she just assumed I was just laying up with anybody and figured I got pregnant by some stranger.”

“Robyn, I’m sure he wasn’t thinking like that.”

“He wasn’t but your daughter sure was and always has. Why the sudden interest in their father?”

“Jocelyn wants to contest the will, this time on the grounds that the children are no longer considered Michael’s.”

“Legally, they were never considered Michael’s because they were born prior to us being married. Michael knowingly put them in his will even after that was explained to him by his lawyer. What is your daughter’s problem with me? I have never done anything to her.”

“I honestly cannot say.”

‘“Does she want his money that bad?”

“Robyn.”

“No, look if your daughter wants to cause so much hell about this, tell her to come see me and we can resolve whatever issue she has with me. Those trust funds were a gift from Michael. I did not ask for them and I didnt even know about them until he was dead. I have never needed him for money nor asked for it. He chose to be a part of my children’s lives and I am not gonna let her ruin his memory by being such a- you know what tell Jocelyn to come see me.”

“Robyn, I don’t know-”

“No, if she wants to make this into such a big issue, I want her to do it personally. I don’t want to talk to you about it, I want to talk to her. She has my phone numbers and both addresses. As for you, the girls will be home all weekend, you can drop by anytime to spend time with them. I’m not discussing anything else about your other child until she comes to see me.I don’t feel it’s fair for you to get in the middle of something that you didn’t start or have a problem with.”

“I can respect that. And thank you for allowing me a visit.”

“As I said many times before, you are always welcomed to come by and see them, just give me a call and I'll make sure they’re available.”

“Do you think they remember me?”

“Absolutely.”

“Thank you Robyn.”

“It’s not a problem, Ms. Lisa.”

Just as Robyn stood up to walk Ms. Lisa to the door, it cracked open. Robyn smiled at her newest visitor, “hey you.”

“Hey Babe. Were you busy, I didn’t mean to barge in?”

“No, it’s fine. I was just finishing up. Chris, this Lisa Ferrall, Michael’s mother. Ms. Lisa, this is Chris, the twins’ father.”

“Ms. Lisa, it is very nice to meet you. My apologies for interrupting,” Chris said as he shook Lisa’s hand.

“That’s quite alright, I was getting ready to leave anyway. You look familiar to me.”

“I do?”

“You do, I feel like I might’ve seen you before. Robyn, the girls definitely look like him”

“Yes, Ma’am, they do,” Robyn replied.

“I can see them in your face, especially around the mouth. It’s nice to finally meet you, Chris. I’ll get out of your way then”

“I hope I’m not rushing you out,” Chris interjected.

“No, I’ve some other errands to run, just wanted to touch base with Robyn. You two have a good day.”

Lisa left and Chris turned to Robyn, “you ok?”

Robyn sighed, “No and that woman’s daughter is gonna either send me to jail or to the hospital.”

“What’s the problem?”

“Michael’s sister has been attempting to contest his will since he passed.”

“Why?”

“He left each of the girls a trust fund to be released to them when they turn 19. She wants to have them removed and void the trust fund gifts since they aren’t his biological daughters.”

“Didn’t he know that before he created the trust funds?”

“Yes, and his lawyer advised about it before he even signed and filed the documentation. Michael didn’t care and said it was a gift to them regardless of who their birth father was. His sister has had it out for me since the day we met and I don’t know why.”

“So what are you gonna do?”

“Nothing until she comes to speak to me personally. I’m tired of her sending her mother to do her dirty work knowing how much I respect that woman. She wants to have this beef then she’s gonna do it herself.”

“Robyn, you sure that’s how you want to handle this?”

Robyn’s eyes narrowed, “you have no idea the hell I put up with from that stupid ass woman so I really don’t want your opinion on this.”

“Babe.”

“Chris, I don’t want to be mad at you so leave it alone.”

Chris held up his hands innocently, “Ok. Why did I never meet her before?”

“Before when? Chris, it’s not like we’ve been in a relationship that long and there was really no reason to meet her.”

“I’m not so sure.”

“Why you think so?”

“I mean she was technically their grandmother and a huge part of the girls’ lives, I think that qualifies her as being important.”

“She is important, to them. Really has nothing to do with you.”

“Are you always gonna do this?”

“Do what?”

“Find a way to keep our pasts completely separate. There are alot of people that were in the girls’ lives during my absence but I’ve never met or heard about any of them.”

“Because they’re irrelevant to you. Besides, it’s not like we’re all that close to where they would question or need to be in on anything. Hell, I haven’t heard from Michael’s mother in the months since I told her you were back in the picture.”

“You make it sound like you were exiled.”

“Once Michael died, they really had no reason to continue a relationship with me. His mother was the only one who had a close relationship to the girls so I let that continue but the rest of them didn’t like the fact that Michael was willing to marry me and raise the girls as his considering he knew they weren’t. I’ve never lied to them but they don’t really like me for my honesty either. Not much I can do.”

“So you had nobody after he died?”

“I mean I had my family and of course your family so I wasn’t completely alone.”

“Speaking of my family, why did you never tell them?”

“Chris, you know why. You really think I’d tell Mama, “you know the two little girls you’ve been around since birth, they’re your grandchildren’ and have her not grab you from halfway around the world and make you come back to Texas. Telling them would be just like telling you. I just wanted to leave well enough alone.”

“I get that.”

“Chris, why are you asking me all these questions like this?”

“Like what?”

“All spaced out. If you want to talk about my pregnancy and all of that, just say that. You keep throwing these little questions out here and there like you scared of what I’m gonna say.”

“Because I am scared, hell.”

Robyn laughed as she shifted in her seat on the couch, “Chris, sit down. Why are you still standing anyway?”

“I have no idea but anyway, you can’t really blame me.”

“For being scared? Why not?”

“We’re still relatively new and we’ve had enough drama getting to this point. I don’t want to shake things up quite yet.”

“Chris, one thing has nothing to do with the other.”

“You say that but you can’t honestly believe that.”

“You really think I don’t trust you?”

“No, I’m just not sure if you think you can trust me.”

“Chris, let’s not talk in riddles.”

“I’m not. I really think that you are unsure if you can trust me. I can admit that you aren’t as guarded as before but I can sense your hesitation all the time.”

“Chris, I’ve told you that I trust you.”

“Your trust is situational and you know it. And I’m not knocking you for it, it’s not like I have the best track record but you have to admit that you don’t fully trust me.”

“I don’t have to admit anything because that isn’t true.”

“Robyn, you don’t even let me stay the night with you and the girls already know we’re together.”

“Becuase I don’t want them to get the wrong idea.”

“And what idea is that?”

“Chris, you know.”

“No, I don’t. What I do know is you don’t want them to get comfortable with me being around in such an intimate setting because you aren’t exactly planning on this lasting too long.”

“I never said that.”

“You never had to.”

“If it's so bad, why are you with me?”

“I never said it was bad, don’t put words in my mouth. Did I not just say that I’m not knocking you because I understand. Our adult history isn’t all that great so I get it. I am not trying to offend you, Robyn. Why are you being so defensive?”

“Because I feel like I have to be. I’m tired of being questioned like I don’t know my own mind.”

“Again I never said that. Why does everything have to be a damn fight with you? I’m telling you how I feel and the vibe that I get from you when we are together, in what way does that warrant an argument?”

“This is not an argument.”

“Then what is it because it’s definitely not a normal conversation. As soon as I express feeling some kind of way that isn’t complimentary to you, you immediately come out swinging. I want a relationship with you, not a boxing match. I want to be able to openly communicate with you without having to protect myself. We have a history and you can’t pretend that we don’t, you also can’t pretend that said history doesn’t play a part in our relationship. As much as we would like to, we aren’t starting from scratch here.”

“And why can’t we?”

“Can you forget anything that I’ve ever done for or to you?”

“Anything?”

“Anything. Good or bad? Can you forget it like it never happened?”

“Can you?”

“That’s not the question I asked. Besides, I know that I can’t and I’m not gonna act like I can. The slate is not clean, it never will be. I may say something that reminds you of before, can you honestly say that your reaction isn’t gonna carry some pain from the past?”

Robyn sighed, “I don’t want to talk about this.”

“We have to at some point. Again, we cannot act like we don’t have a history.”

“A history that never went anywhere. It’s not like we fell in love and even tried to live happily ever after. A history that is wholly incomplete. What do you want from me?”

“For you to be honest with me.”

“I am being honest.”

“The only honest feeling you are giving me is anger. I can feel it radiating off your body.”

“You know what? Fuck you, Chris.”

“Well that didn’t take long,” Chris said as he stood up, “I’ma just head out. Probably should’ve never started this conversation.”

“Probably should’ve never started a lot of things.”

“And there it is.”

“There is what?”

“You. The hesitation I was talking about, always comes out with comments like that. We have one disagreement and here you go.”

“Here I go what? You want honesty right?”

“Yea, I want honesty but apparently you can’t handle it as well as you try to dish it. It’s fine. Am I still invited to dinner or am I gonna be walking on eggshells for the rest of this week?”

“I don’t know. Since I don’t know my own mind how about you tell me that decision.”

Chris chuckled lowly, “You spoiling for a bigger fight that I really don’t think we need to have to so I’m just gonna exit as I stated before. I would say that I’ll call you but I’m pretty sure you aren’t gonna answer so enjoy the rest of your day.”

Chris walked out and closed her office door behind him. Robyn grabbed one of her decorative pillows and screamed into it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“So you two finally decided to give it a try?” Joyce asked as she took a sip of her tea. Chris sucked his teeth instead of answering.

“Trouble in paradise already? Didn’t see that coming.”

“Mama, you don’t have to be all sarcastic. It’s not like you didn’t expect this.”

“I expected this years ago but now is as good a time as any. How long?”

“Couple weeks.”

“Still trying to maneuver past your pasts, huh?”

“She drives me crazy.”

“And that’s why you love her so much. You need a challenge, Christopher. You’ve spent your entire life charming your way through everything, about time somebody gave you a hard time.”

“Mama, that’s not it.”

“So what is it?”

“She doesn’t trust me.”

“Good. She shouldn’t.”

Chris sat up straight in his seat and Joyce laughed, “I don’t see what's so funny.”

“You haven’t earned her trust so she shouldn’t give it to you. All you’ve done is wine her, dine her and offer her sex. I haven’t heard any substantial work being put in.”

“Did you not hear all the stuff I just said I did?”

“I heard it and I also understand that all of that was more for your benefit than hers. When are you gonna do something that’s only for her?”

“What?”

“You drive an hour to her job because you want to see her. You drop by her house all the time because you want to be with her. You never once thought about what she wanted and it’s not as if you don’t know what that is.”

“Mama, I’m confused.”

“You said Robyn craves stability.”

“Yes.”

“Then be stable. Be consistent in everything, not just what you say to her but what you do to her. You aren’t trying to repair anything, you’re trying to bring her guilt to the same level as yours but honestly, it’ll never be because what she did will never compare to what you did.”

“I forgave her.”

“You forgave her because you don’t want to be mad at her, you didn’t forgive her because you’re actually ok with that she did. You’ve never addressed her purposely hiding the girls from you. You’ve never addressed how you felt about that situation. You were so busy wanting to be the good guy, you weren’t spending enough time being the right guy. Robyn does not need you to coddle her, she needs you to be there for her and there is a huge difference.”

“How does what I’ve been doing not translate to being there for her?”

“Because you’re around for you. You go to her when you want to go to her. When it is agreeable to you or when you need her. You don’t go to her just to be there. You don’t go to her to listen, you go to talk. You don’t go to her to comfort, you go to be comforted. If I can see it, you can’t tell me that she doesn’t notice too.”

“And you think that’s why she doesn't trust me?”

“She doesn’t trust you now for the same reason she didn’t trust you before. You aren’t stable. As quickly as you moved on from Tiana to her, what’s to make her think you won’t move on from her to someone else? You did it twice before in fact. You remember the night you came home from taking her to homecoming?”

“Yes Ma’am.”

“And you sat down on this very porch and poured your entire heart out to me, about you both loving each other and not doing anything about it.”

“Yes.”

“You didn’t fight for her, Chris. She can’t trust a love that is so easily silenced and dismissed. Robyn didn’t not date you because she didn’t think it was a good idea, she didn’t do it because she didn’t believe that your feelings were as strong as hers.”

Joyce noticed his brow go up as she finished her last statement, “she said that to you, didn’t she?”

“Something similar to it.”

“Chris, the ball has always been in your court. Robyn has always handed the reins over to you and you were just too stupid to use them.”

“So what am I supposed to do? Go to her?”

“Yes.”

“She’s pissed at me.”

“And? You can’t take a little yelling and screaming? She owes it to you anyway.”

“Why?”

“Because of the situation, you put her in. Hell, all that stuff with Tiana was for your benefit too, she just got dragged along for the ride. She made more concessions to try and help your marriage than even you did and barely got anything to show for it. She watched you sit around for your last relationship and do more effort to make yourself comfortable than either her or Tiana, why should she trust you? What have you actually done to deserve trust? You can’t even be honest about being upset with her but you want her to be honest about loving and trusting you. You come in here, all indignant like you’re the only one carrying any kind of burden when you aren’t. This isn’t just about your feelings because you aren’t dating yourself. She’s defensive because she’s done nothing but be on the offensive and when she finally decides to give a little more even against her better judgment, she gets blasted with not being open and trusting enough. You have not earned anything, Christopher.”

“I didn’t think of it like that.”

“I’m sure you didn’t. Like I said, you’ve spent a lot of your life just charming your way through it. Even with your divorce, you still charmed your way out of it with another heartbroken girl lingering after you. You don’t know hard work when it comes to a woman and it's high time that you do. You want Robyn? Earn Robyn. Learn Robyn. Then you can love Robyn. She is not that naive little girl you met in elementary school. She’s a grown woman who has seen a lot, heard a lot and done a lot. Life has changed her a lot more than it's changed you.”

“How’d you know that I was still bothered by the children thing?”

“Because you love children. You love your children and you’ve always wanted to be an active part in the process from beginning to end. There’s no way you moved past it so easily with the simple explanation she gave you. I’m not saying there’s anything else she can explain to you but that doesn’t mean that there’s not a lot of feelings that you are still carrying around. You’ll feel guilty because you’re a good man and a good father. Your daughters mean everything to you and not being around for them would bother you even though you didn’t know they existed. It’s a parental feeling, guilt happens. Also, you’re my son. I know you better than you know yourself.”

Chris chuckled, “what do I do, Mama?”

“Go to your girlfriend and be there for her because it’s for her and not to make you feel better about yourself. She isn’t your consciousness or security blanket, she’s a human being.”

“Yes Ma’am.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Chris sighed as he knocked on the front door. A few moments passed before he saw a curtain pulled back from a side window and Robyn’s face in it. She rolled her eyes and Chris chuckled as he heard her move to unlock the door. It opened gingerly and she leaned against the door frame, “what?”

“You ok?”

“I’m fine.”

“Ok, then can I come in?”

“For what?”

“To be with you.”

“I don’t want to be with you.”

“So why you open the door?”

“I was trying to be polite but I can gladly rectify that. Goodnight Chris.”

Robyn closed the door and Chris knocked on it again.

“Chris, go away,” she said through the door

“I would if I knew that you really wanted me to.”

“What are you talking about?”

“I get it now.”

“You get what?”

“Why you don’t trust me”

“Really? Did a psychic drop a clue in your lap?”

“No but I did talk to my mother and she chewed me out for an hour. I’ve been very unfair to you.”

“Chris, I don’t want to talk about this.”

“Then just listen, ok. I’ve been asking a lot of you without really having to do much on my end and I guess it’s always been that way between us. I’ve been asking you to forget about our history but I’ve been leaning on it ever since I came back to Texas and it’s not fair. I’ve never had to fight for you, I’ve never had to do much to keep you around even when we were just friends but I expected you to jump through all types of hoops to make this work. I left 8 years ago and I’ve been stupid enough to think that those wounds have healed when they haven’t. What I did was wrong and how I’ve been treating you is wrong as well. I have to earn your trust and your love and I was too arrogant to understand exactly what that meant. You have a right to be defensive because I haven’t really given you much evidence to believe that I’d be there to protect you so you’re protecting yourself. I do love you and I thought saying it was enough but I have to show it and show it in ways not dictated by money but with real work and time. I know I come to your job and stuff all the time but that's because I wanted to see you and be around you, I never really took the time to understand what you wanted and needed, from me or this relationship. You’re not blameless in this situation but I’ve been acting like it’s all your fault and it wasn’t. My actions played a part in the decisions you made and whether I believe those decisions were right or wrong, I can't deny that I had a hand in causing them. I put you in an impossible situation eight years ago and I’ve put you in an impossible situation over the last year with Tiana as well. That is my fault and my part has to be corrected. I’m not asking for anything extraordinary or for things to change overnight, I’m just asking for a little cooperation from you. Just a chance for me to fix what I’ve done wrong and come to terms with my feelings over what you did. Just a chance for me to earn your trust. That’s all I’m asking for.”

A few moments passed before Chris saw the door open again. Robyn moved back into the doorframe, “I never asked you for anything. I never had expectations for you”

“And you should have. I should’ve never made you feel as if you were wrong for even wanting to have expectations of me.”

“Loving you all those years has clouded my judgment of you.”

“I get that now. And I never wanted you to change or shortchange yourself to have me in your life. There should be requirements I have to meet. I should have to deal with the consequences of any actions. You’ve been taking all the hits for me and you shouldn’t have to.”

“I didn’t want to, I just-”

“Robyn, you’ve been protecting me from the first time we met. You became my friend because nobody else wanted to be around the goofy kid with a stutter. You stayed my friend even when the stutter went away, puberty hit and suddenly everybody wanted to be around me. You’ve been my friend no matter how many times I’ve wronged you. No matter how many girls have came through my life and turned it upside down. You were always there to make things right again. I never asked you but I always knew that I never had to. I’ve never gave you that confidence in me and I’m sorry.”

“I’ve just always felt that you didn’t love me as much as I loved you.”

“I know and I’ve never taken the time to show you otherwise but I would like to now. If you’d like to give me a chance to try this the right way, I would really like to.”

“Chris.”

“I just want you to think about it. I know you’ve got a lot going on emotionally and I’ve added enough to it. We can take this at whatever pace you feel comfortable. Just think about giving us this chance, ok?”

“I’ll think about it.”

“And I’m sorry about earlier in your office. I was really stubborn and condescending.”

“It’s not a big deal.”

“But it is. It wasn’t fair and the way I reacted wasn’t right either. I’m really sorry.”

“Sorry I cursed at you.”

Chris chuckled, “I deserved it. I was being insensitive.”

“Did you still want to come in?”

“Do you want me to?”

“I do but I really don’t want to talk about this right now.”

“I can respect that.”

“Will you cuddle with me?”

“I’ll do anything you want and need me to.”

Robyn reached out and took Chris’ hand to bring him inside the house, closing and locking her door behind them.

#chrianna #timehealsfanfiction

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remmiesaloser · 4 years

Text

13 Years | 4 Weeks

honestly, I dont know which of the two have been longer in my life.

so recently I ended a 13 year long relationship with the guy I've been dating since my freshman year of high school. it took me this long to understand, acknowledge, and accept the relationship was emotionally (and borderline physically) abusive and thanks two my two best friends and a very nice therapist I asked him to move out.

I thought the overwhelming life style change would be the hardest. I haven't been alone since I was 14 and it took me a long time to build up the courage to end things because I am terrified of change and had little to no idea what to do without him. to my surprise I've adapted to being alone pretty well. the loneliness does get to me sometimes - I miss those moments we had where we could have a conversation without speaking. I miss over a decade’s worth of inside jokes, and it still hurts when I see something and instantly think of him cause it was our thing.

its a daily struggle to remind myself why I did this because its frighteningly easy to minimize the damage he did when he’s not here to do it every day. the gaslighting and emotional manipulation isn't something that just switches off or diminishes with distance. somehow, in some super shitty, unfair way, it gets worse. because im left alone with my thoughts that he’s managed to turn against me and they’re still working angles for him that catch me off-guard sometimes. I still battle with guilt for making him move out, because I feel terrible that now he’s stuck living with his mom and all his things are in boxes. and I hate that it’s gonna take a long time for that to go away.

but I digress. because all of that isn’t the hardest part. the hardest part is getting him the fuck out of this apartment. we 'ended things’ April 5th. there are quotes around that because we haven’t officially broken up. like, I told him I needed a break till he gets his shit together, and he’s all but moved out, but I haven’t even changed our relationship status on Facebook (yay, guilt!) and we haven't really agreed that we’re broken up. Jesus, again I digress. ANYWAYS. I knew it was gonna be a process to move him out because our lives are so intertwined that we’ve had to go through rooms and drawers and boxes one by one separating our shit. and this process has been fucking agonizing because he is dragging his goddamn feet.

Initially I thought we were gonna bang this out in a weekend, get all the shit out and be done. A month later, and there’s still a pile of his shit at the top of the stairs, a handful of things in the corner of the living room (including the giant china cabinet filled with his things) and his grandmother’s dishes in my cupboards. but that’s a post for another day. because right now im just gonna vent about him taking his sweet ass time, being insanely petty, and still somehow fucking manipulating me when he doesn’t even live here anymore.

honestly the pettiness and inconsideration for my own time and requests is the biggest thing that’s getting to me, what’s driving me to write this. most of the time he’s been here for his shit, his mom’s been with him, and I was chalking up a lot of the pettiness to her. because he’d be here to get the things from the living room, and hours after they'd left I’d notice small things had been taken from other parts of the house. now some of the stuff he’s taken was his, just something I was using with him that I’d assumed he’d at least mention he was taking. im a lot of things, but selfish isn’t one of them and honestly unless it’s something from my family or something that I bought that was expensive, I don’t care. he can have it. It’s more the fact that, when I need something all of a sudden I cant find it and realize he took it.

like, his nana’s pots and pans. They’re a really nice set his mom let us have and I fully expected them gone. my only request was that he give me a heads up so I could go out and get my own set when he planned to take them because with them gone, all I’d have left is a few frying pans. This is our conversation from that weekend:

This was Saturday afternoon. He never told me he wasn’t going to come by Saturday, and gave me a 15 minute heads up he was on his way over on Sunday - which did me no good because I wasn’t even home. That meant I couldn’t clean out the dressers (I didnt want to do it until the day he was going to get them because I would have to leave my clothes on the bed until I could get my own dresser from my parent’s house once his were gone). When I got home, all of my clothes were thrown on my bed and the ground.I had to rewash a bunch of shit, refold everything, and then clean the entire room from the mess that was made.

fucking on top of that, his mom decided to take the pots and pans. I’d specifically asked him Saturday because I was going to Walmart and could have bought a new set for myself while there. I didn't want to buy them until I needed to because I’m trying to save money and didn’t get paid that weekend, so I figured if he’s not taking them I don’t need to get things until I get paid next weekend. Wrong. I had to go out that night again and get a set because, as I said, all I had were 3 frying pans and a skillet thing. Oddly enough, she didn’t take the dishes. They were her mom’s, just like the pots and pans, and for some reason she didn’t want them... don’t worry, I already plan to pack them up this weekend and give them back because lord knows what’ll happen if I dont and she decides she wants them six years from now.

honestly though the biggest level of petty was the Tylenol PM. I know, it’s not a big deal. But it’s just one of those little things that I stopped and was like, are you fucking kidding me. I noticed that, after taking his bed and dressers, the pack of tissues he’d got us from Sam’s was gone. Again, he bought them, whatever. would’ve been nice for him to tell me so I had a heads up to fucking get them when I was at Walmart but whatever. he also took a 6-pack of toilet paper he’d gotten literally the day we ended things (because he’d gone to king Soopers with his mother instead of talking to me about the fight we’d had) and he’d initially told me to keep it, it was for me anyways. I noticed just last weekend it was gone.

but the fucking Tylenol PM. I'm not one to buy brand name medicine. if I can get store brand, I will. Almost all my medicine is store brand except that Tylenol PM because I was really sick one year and wanted the good stuff. Y’all know how expensive Tylenol is. I sprang for it, and I used it sparingly because I didnt want to have to buy more if I didn’t really need it. Well, two weekends ago I fell down a fucking mountain. I was running a trail down a mountain, tripped, flew through the air, and landed on my shoulder and kneecap. It still hurts, and that day I was in a lot of pain. The regular Tylenol and Ibuprofen that I’d been switching back and forth with all day just wasn’t doing the trick and I was like, okay. this is a Tylenol PM kind of pain. That night, right before bed, I went to grab it from the bathroom cabinet.

it was gone. the rest of my medicines, the store brand acetaminophen and store brand ibuprofen, those were still there, but the Tylenol PM was gone. It has exclusively only lived either on the dresser/nightstand in the bedroom, or the bathroom cabinet. as he took the dresser and nightstand, and it wasn’t in the cabinet, it had been taken. I cannot tell you how livid I was. it still pisses me off. because of all the things to take he took that. Not the rest of his bathroom shit, not even all his shit from the bedroom. but he took the Tylenol PM. I even asked if he knew where it might be - thinking he’d come across it at some point. he told me “it’s always been in the linen closet” where the rest of our medicines are. It was never there, but I checked the entire closet just in case - nothing. Again, I know it’s small. it’s just a bottle of pills. but it’s the whole damn thought behind it.

there’s more things too - the fact that no, he doesn’t take all his things from a certain room, and I have to then box the rest of his shit up, move it out of my way, and clean the room that he trashed.

It’s the fact that 90% of the things on our walls were his (which helps show me how little say I had on my own things in the apartment I exclusively pay for) and now that he’s taken them, he’s left the walls, hooks, and nails behind. most of them are up way above my head - he needed a ladder to put them in - and now they’re littered all over the wall. today, as he worked to get the shit from our front bedroom (hopefully the last things he’ll need to get) I asked him if he could also get the nails and hooks out of the wall because I can’t reach them. he asked me, “did you try using the step-ladder?”. I answered no, and he simply said, “that should work then”. Like, no. you put those up, so you could display all the things of yours YOU wanted to display (3 out of 4 walls in the room were covered with his things) and now he can’t even take the tacks down even though he took the hangings down.

and then of course, it’s the fact that he just leaves a mess in his wake. when he first moved things out of the living room it was a mess. I spent hours rearranging shit, packing up the rest of his shit that he left behind, and then cleaning up everything because I still have to live here. it was the same with the bedroom. and now it’s gonna be the same thing with the front room. I told him today that everything needs to be out by next weekend because I can’t do this every weekend. He asked what I meant by ‘this’ and explained that I was tired of having to clean up everything that got messed up. He told me simply “it’s not being destroyed. I’m just taking my things”. At the moment the entire room was in shambles, everything askew from him digging his things out and leaving my stuff lying in piles. It’s cleaned up now - save the pile of boxes and junk at the top of the stairs - but I told him I have to clean up the mess that’s left behind. He didn’t have an answer for that.

Honestly there’s really not a point to this. I’m just pissed, I’m annoyed, and I’m angry, and I’m sad. I’m just tired. And I wanted to vent. So if you stuck with me through this, I wanna thank you for listening. I appreciate being heard, because I haven’t been for so long. your time means a lot to me.

#abuse #emotional abuse #physical abuse #mental abuse #gaslighting #manipulation #breakup #ending a relationship #thoughts #rant

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zoslittlefish2 · 5 years

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Killers and Deep Closets

Ch 5 Lost Waves

Wattpad

Hey Yall! This is my first fic, and it's based on the World created within my favorite Sanders Sides ask blogs, @ask-creativitwins , @ask-the-left-brains , @ask-the-sanders-dads , and @ask-remy-and-picani. Fish is Deciet and Remus's child (kindof-). If you want, you could skip the first part with Fish, anf go straight to the rescue party.

WARNINGS: Semi Graphic description of torture, Partial drowning, and death mention

************************************************************************************************

A couple of days later, the routine had continued. Fish had almost gotten used to it and didn't pass out right away when Magnolia was finished with them. Today started the same, and magnolia dragged them out of the room. This time, though, they went in a different direction, leaving Fish to wonder what the dragon witch was planning.

They entered a room that was similar to the other room. Magnolia attached the chains to the wall this time and left the room without a word. Fish felt her blood run cold as they heard what sounded like running water. Their fear was confirmed when they felt the water at their feet, rising quickly. They tried to keep their breathing calm when they realized what was happening.

The water rose quickly, and the room was filled in a matter of minutes. Fish couldn't see anything, and the water stilled around them. It wasn't long before their chest started to ache, and every movement felt like lifting heavy boxes. They could feel themselves slipping out of consciousness and fought it, knowing if they passed out, that would be the end.

They could feel the water start moving again as they started sinking. When they felt the top of their head leave the water, they almost passed out then and there. They couldn't stay sitting, let alone standing, as the water finally disappeared. The last thing they saw was a pair of feet before everything went black.

***********************************************************************************************

Logan looked around as they walked through the forest, taking note that Roman seemed sluggish in his movements, and was leaning on Virgil. Remus and Deceit were in a similar state. Logan had made his way to the front despite not going into the imagination often. Remy made his way to the front, falling in line with Logan.

"Hey." He said, causing Logan to turn his head to him

"Hello. Did you need something?"

"I wanted to see how you were holding up." Remy sighed, the concern evident on his face.

"I am... Adequate, I suppose. And how about you?" Logan asked, his gaze returning forward, carefully stepping over a root.

"I'm alright, I guess. I am a little worried about Princey, though. Remus and Dee, too, they all look exhausted." These observations surprised Logan. Apparently, this surprise was showed, because Remy laughed.

"What? Just cause I'm dumb doesn't mean I can't tell when someone didn't or had trouble sleeping. If I couldn't, I wouldn't be able to do my job. I mean, I know I'm stupid, but not that stupid." Remy said, placing a hand on Logan's shoulder. "I can also tell that you're not as 'adequate' as you want me to believe. I know we don't always get along, but you can talk to me."

Logan sighed, "I guess I am concerned, it been a few days of wondering the Imagination, and we haven't seen a sign of Fish, anywhere. I've also noticed how the others are reacting to their disappearance, which is concerning. I'm fond of them as well, and i hope we can find them soon. I guess..." logan trails off, and remy tilts his head.

"You guess?..."

logan shakes his head. " I guess I didn't realize how much Fish wiggled their way into this odd family. I find myself wanting to find them quickly, not because of how long it's already been, but i fear what is happening with them, and the longer it takes, the less likely we are to find them unharmed..." 'or dead...' he almost said, but shook the thought from his head. They would find Fish, and Fish was going to be fine. A movement in front of him caused him to leave his train of thought as he stopped, looking ahead and seeing what remy was pointing two.

In the distance was a small town, and a large, dark castle overlooking it. The others caught up, looking at the castle. Remus and roman seemed to tense up.

"How much do you wanna bet that's her castle?" Virgil said, and roman sneered into the distance.

"It is... " Remus growled. Deceit held his arm. Logan looked around before speaking.

"well, we have two options. We can either go to the town and stay there tonight, or we can camp out here. Either way, the sun is setting, so we won't be able to search the town until tomorrow." this made Remus and roman sag, both looking at each other. Without letting go of Virgil, Roman reached a hand out, and Remus took it. Logan couldn't hide his disappointment with waiting one more day. finally, they had found something that might lead to Fish, and he wanted to jump straight into the search. But deep down, he knew everyone needed to rest first.

"Why don't we stay here? Since that is the DW's castle, we don't want to run the risk of running into someone that would recognize those two," he gestures to Remus and Roman, " and none of us have the energy to deal with that right now." Logan nods, and looks to the others, waiting for their opinion. Reluctantly, they all nod slowly.

"That settles it then; lets set up camp then. "

~~~~~~

The sun had just finished setting when they had camp set up. remy had forced Roman and Remus to sleep, and Virgil had fallen asleep not long after. Remy fell asleep as well, leaving Deceit and logan still awake. Dee was sitting by the still-lit fire when logan came back with some more twigs and leaves. He sat next to the snake-like side, setting his things down.

"You should sleep." Deceit looked over to see Logan looking at him with a level of concern he hadn't seen much before this search started, but had been shown to him more and more these past few days.

"I can. I just..." Dee sighed, looking into the fire, " What if we cant find them? What if... what if we're too late? I can stand the thought of losing them. What if-" he's startled out of his thoughts with a hand on his shoulder. He turns to see that Logan moved closer, a determined look in his eye.

"Deceit... We will find them. We are already much closer than we were a few hours ago. We are going to find them, and everything will be alright." Logan says this with such certainty that Dee almost believes him. He sighs and removes his hat.

"I am not going to try to sleep... Goodnight, Logan." he quickly falls asleep, and Logan sits by the fire, keeping watch until Remy wakes up and forces him to sleep as well.

***********************************************************************************************

Patton was standing in the twin's room, staring at the Imagination door for the millionth time.

Emile walked in and sighed. This isn't the first time he's found Patton here, waiting.

"Pat... Come on. I've got cupcakes in the oven and cookie dough in the fridge. Why don't you come and help me and the others get ready to decorate?" he asks. Patton looks at him, before nodding and leaving the room. Emile sighed again. Patton hadn't really talked much since the others left to find Fish, and it's taking much longer than they had expected it to. He knew that Patton was worried, Em was too, but he had to stay strong for Patton and the Mods. As he walked out, he ran into the girl with dark hair, who seemed like she wanted to say something.

"Hey there, Semp!What's up?" Emile asked cheerfully, startling her.

"Oh- uh- sorry... I was just... are- are the others okay?" She asks shyly, and em sighs.

"Yeah...It's just taking them longer than we thought it would. They're going to be fine." Emile said, "now come on, its almost time to decorate those cupcakes."

Semp didnt seem convinced but followed him to the kitchen. Both of them were shocked when they walked in, before bursting into laughter

It hadn't taken Pat long to make the icing, and had separated it for the Mods to have their own, and was going to make more for emile and himself. Jax and nerd wanted to try to help, and Patton let them. They were almost immediately covered in powdered sugar. Astra then thought it would be fun to put the icing on Nerds' face, which led to full out war. Now the entire kitchen was covered in powdered sugar and icing.

The part that surprised Emile the most was the genuine laughter coming from Patton. He hadn't heard that in a while and it made emile think...

Maybe everything is going to be okay...

***********************************************************************************************

Im pretty sure this is my longest chapter. Well, Ill see yall next time. Love Y'all!

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sweatersarecomfyy · 5 years

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I Can’t Sleep - A Newtina Fanfic

Summary: Newt and Tina can only get a good night’s rest when they are in each-others’s presence

Warnings: Lot’s of cute fluff. Crimes of Grindelwald spoilers.

Word count: 1,500

A/N: First Newtina fanfic. I had a lot of fun writing it. Let me know your thoughts if you wish.

Unbeknownst to the both of them, Tina and Newt were wide awake, neither had a peaceful rest in days. Newt’s thoughts turned to the two-missing people from his life. Leta, although no longer a love interest, was still beloved even in death. His brother was beside himself and he didn’t know how to help. He also worried for Queenie, and Tina. He knew how important they were to each-other. And they were both his friends. Friends were rare for him, and now all of them were in danger. Tina felt guilt and desperation whenever she though of Queenie. All these thoughts coupled with the fact that Grindelwald was now at large deterred them from a healthy sleeping schedule.

Romance was at the back of their minds now, but it was still there, and it occasionally crept into their thoughts amid all the strife and horror, it was a small beacon on happiness and hope they could live for. But as of yet, it was a very small beacon, a beacon that had yet to be discussed.

“How did you sleep?” Tina asked Newt from her place at the counter, stirring her cocoa.

“Alright, I guess.” He replied, rubbing the bags under his eyes. “You?”

“Same as you I guess.” She took a sip of her cocoa. “You ready for work?”

He nodded.

Tina had temporarily come to England to help with the search for Grindelwald, and Newt had graciously offered her a place to stay. They had separate rooms of course. Much to Newt’s delight Tina had accustomed to the numerous animals quite quickly, and Newt didn’t completely hate working for the ministry. Humans, however, were still Newt’s least favorite creature.

Everyday was the same: They went to work, they looked for signs of Grindelwald, they fought off his fanatics in the rare occasion that a riot broke out, they came home exhausted, couldn’t sleep. Wash, rinse, repeat. This day was a particularly exhausting one. Not one, but three riots broke out, which caused them to come home later than usual. Neither one of them had eaten all day.

Tina was the first one to slump onto the couch, upsetting a puffskein that was trying to burrow. She tilted her head back and closed her eyes. “Do we have any food?”

Newt sat next to her and did the same. “I dunno. Merlin I’m exhausted.”

“It’s so nice to finally sit down.” Tina relished the feeling of relaxing all her muscles into the couch, and kicked off her shoes.

It would have been a funny sight to see. The two generally so composed were now splayed out on the slightly beaten up couch.

Newt waved his wand and summoned a couple of pasties from the kitchen. He bit into his and handed the other to Tina. “Here.” He muttered.

“Food.” She ravenously took a bite. Neither of them talked for a bit while the wolfed down the meat-filled crusts. Suddenly Tina started laughing.

It was a glorious sound. Newt turned towards her surprised, a questioning look on his face.

“Three. Three riots. One day.” She kept laughing. Partially due to the fact that her exhausted brain wasn’t processing her emotions correctly.

Not sure what to do Newt started laughing too until they were hopelessly out of breath and crying. Even though the situation wasn’t really that funny they enjoyed the opportunity to actually laugh. It seemed it had been happening less and less lately.

When the laughter died down Tina closed her eyes and her breathing steadily became slower and longer. Her muscles relaxed, and she slumped onto Newt’s shoulder, fast asleep. Not wanting to wake Tina, he summoned a blanket to cover her and stayed where he was, quickly following her into slumber.

The next morning they awoke at the same moment and smiled hazily at each-other before realizing what had happened and simultaneously blushing.

Newt jumped up dizzily “I’ll start, start breakfast.” He dashed to the kitchen.

“I’ll wash up.” She achily got up and set off to shower and change.

They were especially polite to each-other that day, and turned slightly pink and smiled whenever they caught a glance of the other. No one noticed. They had a lot more energy than they had had in a long time.

A couple nights later they were again laying awake, unable to sleep. Tina had tried everything at this point but it seemed like every time she was alone with her thoughts her mind started racing.

There was a knock on her door and Newt poked his head in. “I can’t sleep.” His copper hair was sticking up at an odd angle and his eyes were pointed determinately away from Tina.

She sat up and looked at him and didn’t speak for a moment, not quite daring to suggest the idea that had come to her mind. “You know what Qu- my mom would do when we couldn’t sleep?”

“Chamomile tea?” He guessed, a smile flickering on his face.

“No” She took a breath “we’d get in bed with her and cuddle.”

Newt glanced up at her with a slightly nervous look.

“It’s ok” She patted the bed next to her and shifted over “If you get uncomfortable or don’t want to anymore, you can leave.”

He hovered near the door, but then decidedly walked over and sat on the bed. “You know” He paused. “The night on the couch, the night where we slept on the couch was the best sleep I’ve had in weeks.”

Tina lay back under the covers “Same for me.” She sighed.

He glanced back at her almost surprised, maybe not realizing she was having trouble sleeping too. He lay back on top of the covers making sure he gave Tina enough room.

She gently found his hand on the covers and held it. He squeezed it back just to let her know that it was alright to hold it. And that was it. They fell into the best sleep they had since the couch, arguably even better. They woke up close to each-other with their heads resting on the same pillow, shoulders touching, hands still held, completely calm.

The next night it was Tina who payed a visit to Newt’s room she caught him as he was buttoning up his pajamas.

“I was just about- just about to go to your room.” He stuttered out.

“We’ll take turns.” She smiled at him as they folded back the covers and both got under, enjoying each-other’s warmth. She rolled over and faced him, a blush creeping onto both of their faces.

Tina let out a giggle and then clapped a hand over her mouth. Newt let out a nervous laugh and reached out for her other hand and they intertwined their fingers. Newt’s face grew even more red, he but felt braver. He slid his hand around Tina’s waist and shifted closer together. She touched her forehead to his and they both closed their eyes and fell into a peaceful sleep once again. Of course the next morning they ended up a tangled mess.

Accepting the fact that the only way they could get a full nights sleep was to sleep next to one-another, they continued switching off rooms. They became better friends, and they grew continually more comfortable with each-other.

“Hey Newt?” Tina whispered, wondering if he was asleep. They were in Tina’s room a couple weeks later.

“Mhh.” He hummed in response, his eyelids flickering.

“Did you know that your name sounds like two animals?” she asked.

His eyes flicked open and he gave her a questioning smile.

She laughed “Newt Salamander.”

He laughed too. “People used to call me that to make fun of me at Hogwarts.”

Her face tinted with red, embarrassed. “I’m sorry.” She covered her face in the blanket.

“It’s alright. I quite liked it. People didn’t realize it wasn’t that big of an insult for me.” He pulled the cover off from her face. “I like salamanders. You know that.”

The corner of her mouth turned up in a half smile and Newt found himself staring at her lips. She noticed and sat there for a minute. Her eyes running up and down his face, taking in every inch, ever freckle, every scar.

“Newt, you’re staring at my mouth.”

“Sorry.” But he still didn’t break his stare.

-“Do you want to kiss me?”

-“Can I kiss you?” They both said simultaneously.

“What?” They spoke at the same time again and then stared wide-eyed at each-other.

After a moment Tina spoke “Yes.” She closed part of the distance between the two of them.

Newt shuffled closer and pressed his lips against hers. Tina’s hands brushed through his red hair, and Newt placed a hand gently on her cheek. They weren’t sure how long it lasted, and neither of them really knew what they were doing, but it was simple and sweet, and they both enjoyed it. When they broke apart they both smiled and snuggled closer, and again fell into a sound sleep.

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ceffythesquirrel · 5 years

Text

Post Apocalyptic Sander's Sides AU

Hello! This is inspired off of @sidespart amazing art of Logan and Robot!Roman. Check notes for navigation (Poor princey.) I'm sure @sidespart had a completely different idea when they were creating that art piece, so this is just my take. If they ever do anything more with that universe, just know that this is completely separate and...yeah. XD

Warnings: Lots of death mention (nothing graphic), minor character death, explosions, terrorist attacks, let me know if theres anything else!

Roman - Backstory

M29-Ro-man was created a couple years before the apocalypse by a robotics genius. The dude just took a bunch of parts from the scrap yard, cleaned them up, put him together, and programmed him to be Roman.

He was just sitting in his garage lifeless for the longest time because he was one of the few robots with emotions that existed and the creator didn't really want him stolen or known about yet. Also he was solar powered and any contact with the sun would bring him to life.

Decided to give him as a gift to a friend/Broadway star who needed a personal companion to rehearse lines with on a daily basis. Thus the robotics genius programmed Roman with everything a robot should probably not be programmed with. He had emotions, the ability to learn and gather information, and the ability to adapt through different situations and circumstances.

When the Broadway star received Roman he acted like a human with a metallic body and an off switch. He couldnt physically feel since he had no skin. The creator also mentioned to the Broadway star that he was a little too boisterous and wasnt sure how to fix it, but once meeting Roman, he didnt mind at all.

Roman instantly took to the theatre atmosphere. He was told what to do, how to help his human companion, and practice with him.

When Roman was not on duty, he was constantly watching Broadway show after Broadway show, acting them out on his own. He would always study the one his human was performing in to the T so he could help him get his lines accurate.

So they were both pretty good friends. Roman had never experienced that robots under humans rascism until way later. He experienced it when he got fitted for a prince outfit, because the Broadway star thought he'd like it, (which Roman very much did.)

Roman can also sword fight he found out. Not because he taught himself, but part of a fencing bot's mainframe was welded inside of him.

Roman believes all other robots are stupid after seeing none that act like him. He knew he was special and had a tendency to act like it.

It all changed when the first terrorist attack of WWIII happened. Of course it happened at Broadway. There was a bombing causing most of the building to collapse.

Lots of people died including his human Broadway star friend. But, Roman would never know what had happened to him. When the bomb exploded, the roof of the room he was in collapsed and debris switched Roman off rendering him useless for a couple of hours.

This is where he meets Logan.

Logan - Backstory

He was an average kid with an average family. He had no siblings and was often left to his own devices. Its not that he didn't try to make friends, its just he wasn't that good with social cues. Some say he may have been autistic, but no one knows for certain.

He has always loved robots growing up, and wanted to be someone who worked with robots. Unfortunately, the robot industry was already deep into the golden age and it was a very competitive field.

Giving up on that dream, he went with chemical engineering instead. He still had a heart for robots though, and would always watch them work whenever he could.

He was under the belief that robots should stay machines and not advance into anything else. So when he saw the world's first emotion robot he voted and protested against it with every fibre of his being.

He read the book "I am, Robot" (book about Robots taking over the world) so it makes sense why he didn't like the idea.

He graduated as valedictorian of his class and went on to become a theoretical chemist. Not what he had planned to do, but it was interesting nevertheless.

He was in a research group of 11 other scientists who were working to develop the world's first force field. It was when they succeeded that it all went to hell.

They were presenting their work at the world fair in New York when the bombing on broadway happened. It was utter chaos as other attacks ripped through the city and people ran for their lives.

Logan acted on impulse rushing people to safety while staying a safe distance with his colleagues, until an explosion split them apart.

Because one of the scientists had a feeling this was going to happen she made the other 11 make a plan b so their work wouldn't be stolen. Of the twelve, six split up the force field plans.

Logan was one of those six and was running with the three hard drives that contained all the equations for it. In his lab coat mind you, that he forgot would make him a target. So he was running from chopper fire and was able to hide behind a building and dive under rubble.

He had no idea where anyone was or if anyone was still alive since it seemed WI-Fi and internet was down all across the world. Even television was having problems.

He was shaking with fear as chaos continued to reign outside so he went further deep into the rubble to seek some sort of shelter if he could and wait out the storm.

He took a wrong step and fell a story into the exact room Roman was in.

He saw the unique looking robot, covered in debris and was more scared of it than anything. Maybe it was another trap or a bomb, but after it didnt move for awhile Logan's curiousity got the better of him and moved it out from under the pile and get a better look at it.

It was dressed like a prince, and had a sword. Some robot.

When Logan switched it on his life changed.

Hardship to Friendship

Basically the exchange went like this: Roman sprung to action with his sword. Logan shrieked and fell over from surprise. He was already scared of what was going on outside and this did not help. Roman called out Logan on his nerdy appearance and his so-called want to steal an amazing robot like him. "Over my dead body Isaac Snoopin'!" And Logan is just too terrified for any of this so he just faints.

Roman is more confused than anything, but the impact of a bomb over head tells him something is definitely wrong. His eyes widen as he remembers his human friend and is about to go find him, when the conscious he had developed told him he shouldn't leave the scientist behind no matter how much he wanted to. Especially if he was an enemy, and in sword fighting you never take your eyes off your enemy.

So he picked up Logan like a rag doll and began searching through the ruined structure for the stage.

It was a tragic scene when he got there however. No one was alive and he couldn't tell anyone apart it was that bad. Another bomb could be heard hitting the ground nearby. Roman had never felt this amount of sorrow before so he just kind of sat on the ground rocking with his knees to his chest with sadness not exactly sure how to process the emotion, since he couldn't cry.

Logan came around about an hour later and Roman was still repeatedly doing the same movements. When the prince-robot saw Logan begin to wake up he drew his sword at him.

"YOU DID THIS!" "Wh-what?! Me!?"

"Who else could have accomplished this feat but a scientist?! You murderer!" Logan began trying to explain that he's just one person and could never pull off something this massive.

As they argued, the ceiling of the room they were in began to collapse and they dove for cover in the nick of time.

Just cue the whole scene where they are running together for their lives through the crumbling hallways somewhat screaming, somewhat Roman yelling at Logan, and somewhat Logan getting frustrated at this almost human who is blaming him for the ruining of his theatre and death of his beloved friend. Logan was in the same predicament since he didnt know if anyone he knew was alive.

Logan does take it too far when he says "This is why your kind should never have emotions!"

Roman had a temper so he wasn't thinking when he took his sword and swiped it across Logan's face. Cue Roman realizing he is capable of hurting others and shrinking back. This is not the robot he wanted to be.

"I'm sorry. That was uncalled for." Logan was more suprised that the sword had only nicked him in the cheek and not got him in the throat or anything.

The place they are in begins to collapse right after that too and Logan shoves Roman out of the way with a "You're forgiven!" when the floor begins to crumble underneath them.

The rest of it is just them talking/ introducing themselves with just a little more civility and trying to find a way out of the building. They finally do, but it caves in. Roman helps push with Logan and finds out he is soooooo much stronger than a regular human. He clears the way so easily that Logan's actually jealous of the robot.

So now they are running through the city above ground away from the commotion and start their journey as fugitives in an apocalyptic world. Logan doesn't know why Roman is sticking with him and frankly Roman doesn't either, but the robot has no other place to go. Also Logan is a scientist and Roman is still suspicious that he wants to take him apart and study him. Which isn't completely wrong but Logan is more preoccupied with running for his life right now.

They first run to Logan's apartment a couple blocks down while the chaos is still happening around them. He grabs items from his house like he's evacuating and changes from his lab coat into more casual clothes, still keeping the hard drives with him.

Logan and Roman barely escape from the place before a bomb destroys the complex behind them. Logan gets tired quickly as they run through the traffic, since he didnt really work out. So Roman just picks him and his bags up with ease and sprints off with the speed of two cheetahs combined.

That was the story of how the two unlikely friends met. Logan eventually tries to contact his other colleagues only to find out that only three of them were left, not including himself. Each of them held a piece to the force field, but the blueprints of the actual structure were lost somewhere. Roman and Logan had parted ways for a little while so Logan could go meet up with the other scientists, but found out it was a trap just to get the three hard drives he had. His other colleagues were dead when he got there.

Roman had went to find his orginal creator, but there was no sign of him anywhere. So he returned to Logan and busted him out of the trap and they went on the run again.

From there on, the duo became inseparable even if they did seem like they were at odds half the time. They were soon joined by others who found sanctity and friendship within their tribe of misfits.

Emile Picani: The Ex Vice President of the fallen United States that everyone loved more than the actual president. He had signed a secret deal with the illuminati but when New York got attacked he said "Screw it" and ran.

Virgil: A 21-year-old boy with unexplainable psychic powers the government had locked up for experimentation. He's a techie and is good at technology and hacking stuff.

Patton: An alien disguised as a human who might have accidently contributed to Virgil's psychic powers. He loves everything about Earth, except the violence and bad stuff.

Remy: A defective clone who knew he was more than just a science experiment.

Nathaniel: An ex-security officer who just wants to survive the apocalypse and the people he's with sure seem to know what they are doing.

Thomas: An old friend of Logan's with the safe house they all camp out at sometimes. He is the one with all the money and supplies they need to stock up on.

There is so much more I could do for this AU. If you want me to do Patton and Virgil's meeting or backstories let me know. I'm sorry this got so long. I just love this AU now. Again credit to the artist who made that amazing piece sidespart and hope you all enjoy!

#logan sanders #roman sanders #sanders sides #thomas sanders #platonic logince #thatsthat24 #long post #tw death #tw lots of death #terrorist attacks #explosions #no deceit #for right now at least #we shall see

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loki-fanfic-whore · 5 years

Text

Inhuman ch.10

Warnings- death, sadness, despair, twists, bad grammar

@drakesfiance @lokis-lady-death

Chapter 10 Inhuman

As you stab the vial of glowing blue liquid into your thigh and push down on the plunger injecting the entire vial into your body. The display hit 00:00 blowing you against the opposite wall. You began coughing at the impact until you realize the needle still stuck out of your leg. You ripped it out and groaned looking to Tom. He had been thrown about within his cage; destroying part of his shackles, and the blast also damaging the bars around him. The room you two were in was now reduced to piles of rubble and darkness. It looked almost as if you were in a cave system now. Thankfully no Hydra stayed behind to watch their failure.

Trying to stand to get to Tom you immediately feel a fiery rush through your veins from the injection. It scared you how quickly it was destroying you. You collapsed against the wall sinking down. Roaring in frustration tom rips the damaged bars apart it was all that separated you from him. His scream echoed through the emptiness. A shout returning back from Thor. They were on their way to you, and part of the crater had imploded due to the blast. Tom wasnt listening though, he had one thing on his mind and that was you. He rushed to you and grabbed your body pressing it to him; tears dripping down his cheeks.

"N-no please." He croaked out breathlessly. You smiled and shushed him.

"Shhh my love. It doesn't hurt. I'm in no pain." You lied softly as blood gurgles out of your mouth gently running down your chin. The impact of being blasted across the room must have punctured a lung. You know you will combust any second as the heat reaches your heart. You both could hear screaming and the sounds of rushing steps in the far distance. They were almost there.

He grabbed you by the back of your head and your lower back; screaming out in anger, frustration and anguish. After his screams died down there was a brief silence where you could feel his body trembling and hear his ragged breathing. It was almost soothing to you. You had grown accustom to being close to him after his fights; Of being what calmed him down.

"No! No I can't lose you! You're inhuman!" He screamed out as the shouts in the distance came closer.

"No my love. I'm very much a human. What is one life versus millions? " you sputter out; your body getting hotter by the second.

"Brother Tomas! Avengers! I found them! Quickly!" Thor shouted. Tom was sobbing into the crook of your neck as you shushed him. Wincing, you were glad he couldn't see your face, it would give away the amount of pain you were actually in.

"Tomas? I want you to know that I lo-love y-" your words cut off as a guttural scream emitted from your throat, blood splattering your face from the force. Tomas screamed along with you as you erupted in his arms. Your scream silencing as he held your ashen corpse. It was still a perfect replica of you. Thor, Natasha, and Tony ran over only to watch Tom stare down at you horrified. The wind picked up and slowly your body crumbled to a pile of ash upon his hands and lap. He stared up at them with a face covered in ash and tears. His nose and eyes raw.

"It was strapped to a bomb...in liquid form....She- she injected herself with the it...she said it was the only way..." he managed to choke out still staring down, at what was left of you, in shock.

"She truly was an asset to our race. My apologies brother Tomas." Thor spoke first then bowed onto one knee. He held his fist to his shoulder in a sign of respect. Natasha took a step forward and then bowed on one knee mimicking Thor.

"She saved us all Tom. She was the epitome of a martyr. Let us celebrate what she accomplished today." She spoke softly.

Clint and Steven both bowed on one knee also crossing their hearts in respect.

"She will always be a hero Tom." Steven spoke first before offering his condolences.

Tony was the only one still standing.

"I uh.. I wanted to say that I'm sorry Tomas. I know how much she lit up your world. And I know how she had all of the right answers to everything...and that that is why she is gone and you are still here, but most of all I want you to know that this isn't your fault and that she did what she had to. She is a hero." Tears pricked Tony's eyes as he too bent and bowed onto one knee. Tom stared at all of them his face showing anguish and anger.

"She was supposed to be the survivor! I was supposed to die! I was supposed to have been the one free of emotions and pain! " he screamed out angrily as his heart broke. He looked like a child mid temper tantrum, but rightly so.

"She was supposed to live on and be happy again.." he whimpered out as he stared down at his ash covered hands.

"Her downfall was she was too human to be inhuman." Bruce spoke as he walked across the rubble towards them. The avengers stayed on bent knee.

"Tomas she took on such a lethal dose that it wouldnt have mattered who took it. They would have died. She just knew what had to be done. No one is to blame. She loved you dearly and I am sure she wouldn't want you sobbing over her. She would want you to smile and laugh and have a good life. Live on through her Tomas. She would expect that." Bruce joined the others on a bowed knee as Thor began to recite a Norse prayer to allow you a safe journey to your destination.

Tomas stood up and wiped his face. He felt utterly hollow. He was loaded onto the quinjet and brought back to the tower. Your ashes swirling through the air in the crater. You didnt deserve to be buried there, but there was no way to contain you and bring you home. This too hurt Tom as he realized your gravesite. Upon the quinjet docking; He went straight to your room and threw himself into your sheets smelling your still. Fresh tears streaked your pillow cases. Reaching under your pillow he found a small journal with a blue bound case. Opening it he felt his breath hitch. Inside were mementos of every date and every event he ever took you to. From pressed flowers to movie stubs. He flipped through chuckling at how you collected everything. You must have begged Coulson to get your journal back. He flipped through until his hands froze. The last page used towards the back was a white flower pressed from your wedding night. And the quote "I always have and always will. I do." The book was blank after. He quickly flipped through quickly to make sure he got it all and a small envelope fell out of the back onto the floor. He reached down and picked it up to see your handwriting scribbled 'Tomas' across the front. He took a shaky breath and opened the envelope to see you had written him a goodbye note.

"Tomas, please don't cry for me

I know you never meant for this

I love you completely, just remember that

If I should leave you now

Then in my final hour

I pray this letter finds you well

Before it all goes to hell

They could never cage the world

It's too big for anyone, and soon the dark will pass

I want so much to be with you

But in my heart I know, Tom,

The world needs you now.

It is time for a revolution,

take them all on and win.

Remember my love,

we are all a little inhuman."

Tom half crushed the note against his mouth sobbing. After a moment his eyes snapped open and he gently placed the letter back in the envelope and ran to Banner's lab. He began using Jarvis and working on the coding with mutations of the cells. You didnt have any mutations, that's why you weren't affected. You hadn't become inhuman. You Were Immune to the terrigen. He clicked away on the computer until a hand, one he did not feel, gently rested on his shoulder.

'Tomas?' A computer generated copy of your voice spoke gently. Tom jumped up spinning to see a holographic version of you. You were wearing a simple black dress and your hair was messy but down around your face.

'Tomas, Jarvis was nice enough to record me in the chance- well I'm hoping you found the letter first. I wanted you to know that I love you so much. I have always loved you. I will always love you. Please, try not to blame yourself for any of this mess...I don't blame you. By now you have realized I carry the antigen for the terrigen. Use what's left of my blood and isolate a vaccination. You are so smart, I know you can save everyone. And Tomas...' You stepped towards him and the hologram tried to cup his cheek and lean in for a kiss. Tom closed his eyes and sank to his knees sobbing. 'Remember I love you. ' the perfect image of you faded and the lab became dark again. Tom sat there on the floor sobbing until banner helped get him back to his room. Bruce handed him two yellow pills and sighed.

"Sleep Tom... we can work on it tomorrow..." Tom looked down at the obvious sleeping pills before throwing them into his mouth and dry swallowing them. Dreamless sleep is what he needed. As he laid in bed waiting for sleep to claim him he thought of how he was dragged away from your sleeping form. How he never truly got to say goodbye to you...how you had made love for the first and last time the night you died. He found his mind wandering to the what ifs. What if you had lived and he had died? What if you had become pregnant? What if you didnt have to die? He cried silently until finally a harsh and unforgiving sleep took him.

#bad grammar #agents of shield #im sorry #fish oil #slow burn #tom hiddleston x reader #inhuman #i do not own the poetry i'd be happy to link it in the next post.

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iwroteinapastlife · 5 years

Note

So all I see is a jealous/hurt Chloe cause of Nath's crush on Mari So what about a fic where Nath is jealous of Adrien cause of Chloe's crush on him 😀😀😀😀

I think you sent me this request like two years ago. Sorry for taking so long; I hope you like it~

cw: steamy make outs

The day Nathaniel finally asked her out—after months of convoluted flirtation, rooftopvisits as Queen Bee, and even a couple of impulsive kisses—also happened to bethe same day that Chloé had shared a long, intimate hug with Adrien out on thefront steps of the school.

Now, don’t get her wrong, she was so very far over Adrienthat the prospect of dating him now actually made her gag. That hug hadn’t beenanything romantic. Quite the opposite in fact; it had followed her tellingAdrien that she considered him family, and him saying as much back.

…But Nathaniel didn’t know that.

At the time, she hadn’t noticed that the two eventscoincided. She’d just thought that it was a really cathartic day, and left itat that.

The day Nathaniel revealed to their whole class that theywere dating by kissing her in the middle of the courtyard also happened to beAdrien’s birthday, in which Chloé had gifted him a ridiculous black cat beanieright before school (side note: he loved it, the utter dork that he was). WhenChloé had asked him later why he chose then and there to tell everyone—and likethat for that matter—Nathaniel had merelyshrugged.

“I just wantedeveryone to know,” he’d said, and that was the most she’d ever gottentoward an answer there.

It wasn’t until her own birthday months later that she’dbegun connecting the dots. When Adrien had shown up to her party, she’d runforward and thrown her arms around him of course. That was the way she oftengreeted her best friend—especially whenhe had a gift in his hands.

But less than five minutes had passed after that whenNathaniel pulled her into the supply closet and kissed her fiercely. Itcertainly wasn’t the first time he’d kissed her like that—not even the firsttime he’d kissed her like that in asupply closet—but it caught her off guard nonetheless. It was just so sudden, and in the middle of her partyat that. He hadn’t seemed particularly…onedge or anything before that; he’d just had a sudden urgency about him thesecond she’d stepped away from her conversation with Adrien.

And it was right about there—with his lips on hers, hishands on her waist, and her back against the supply closet door—that sherealized:

Her boyfriend had a jealous streak.

Now, people might debate over the morality of what she didafter that, but really, if you asked her, Nathaniel signed up for this when hechose to date her.

They were hanging out in her room a few days later when shechose to test it. She only wanted to do something small to start it off— a tinyspark to see just what would ignite. So, sitting on the couch with her legsacross his lap as he sketched, Chloé stared at her blank phone and giggled. Alot.

Oblivious as he was, it took about five minutes for him tonotice.

“What’s so funny?” he’d asked, not looking up from hissketchbook.

“Nothing,” she’d replied, laughter still bubbling in hervoice, “I’m just snapchatting Adrien.”

Results were disappointing at first. All he’d done was humhis understanding and nod. His pencil hadn’t even paused. She thought maybe shehad been wrong; maybe it wasn’t actually jealousy driving his actions. Or maybehe was too wrapped up in his sketching for it to work. Or maybe just mentioningAdrien wouldn’t do it; maybe it had to be interactions that he saw himself.

She was in the middle of postulating when he’d set his sketchbook aside two minutes later.

…And tugged her down on the couch so she was underneath him.

“Um. Hi.”

“Hi.” And then his lips were on her.

She’d had to hold back her smile as she sank into his kiss. Okay, she’d noted, so he just needed to finish his sketch.

The next time she tested it, it wasn’t so much planned as itwas taking advantage of an opportunity.

She was at Nathaniel’s house that day, sitting in his roomwatching a movie, and Adrien just happened to call.

She’d put on her sweetest tone as she answered the call,pausing the movie and hopping up from his bed to pace, as she naturally didwhen on the phone. “Hi Adrien!”

“Hey Chloé, we need tohave a meeting tomorrow night. You know, with the gang.”

“Tomorrow night? Well that’s kind of short notice, but I’llmake an exception for you.”

“Uh…Yeah, okay,thanks. We’re meeting at the parlorat 8. Come dressed up.”

“Dress up? Ooh how fancy.”

She smiled to herself when she heard Nathaniel get up fromthe bed. It didn’t take long at all now that he wasn’t focused on anythingelse.

“Um. Chloé, you are gettingwhat I’m saying, right?”

She giggled mildly flirtatiously. “Of course, Adrien. Icatch all of your hints.”

Nathaniel’s hands connected with her sides then, snaking underher shirt to take a firm grip on her waist and pull her back against him. She inhaleddeep and closed her eyes as his lips skimmed her neck.

“Alright. So you’ll bethere tomorrow?”

“Wouldn’t miss it for the world.”

Chloé missed whatever Adrien said next, because Nathaniel’shot breath cascaded over her other ear in a low whisper. “Hang up.”

That tone sent electricity racing straight down her spine.She cut off Adrien mid-sentence.

“YeahthanksAdrienIgottagobye.”

They never finished watching that movie.

Three or four more instances like that passed over the next fewmonths—so in her defense, she wasn’tdoing it often. She really just didit when she was feeling particularly…mischievous.

And today, she was feeling mischievous.

The bell had just released the class for lunch when Chloéstepped up to Adrien with a sweet smile. “Be careful, Adrien, you’ve got astray hair.” The boy blinked at her as she reached out and tucked an imaginaryhair behind his ear.

“Um…Thank you?”

She had just barely lowered her hand when Nathaniel snatchedit up, stalking out of the room and dragging her with him.

“No problem, see you later!”

She hardly held back her giggles as he led her around thecorner to a less-frequented hallway. Once they were a somewhat safe distanceaway from other students, he turned and pressed her up against the wall. A tinygasp was all that escaped before his lips crashed down on hers.

Chloé tried not to disrupt the kiss with her smile, but wow she absolutely loved the wayjealousy brought out his more aggressive side. His hands were far less gentleon her waist than they normally were—fingers digging into her flesh as they peakedunder the hem of her shirt—and she could hardly breathe between the urgency ofhis kisses and the way he had her pinned with his body.

One particular gasp for air had him abandoning her mouth,trekking a path of open-mouthed kisses along her jaw down to her neck. She bit backa small moan as his lips locked onto her skin, sucking and biting with anintensity he usually reserved for those long weekend nights when his parentswouldn’t be back for hours. She thread her fingers through his hair and held onfor dear life, head absolutely swimming in the pure intoxication that was hislips, his tongue, his teeth, his everything.

Then he stopped.

Nathaniel placed one gentle kiss on the now sensitive skinbefore coming back up to rest his forehead against hers. When she opened hereyes, that breathtaking teal was burning into her, alight with arousal andlaced with an underlying fury that had her heart stopping dead in its tracks.

“I know you’re doing it on purpose, Chloé.” She got thedistinct feeling that if his voice hadn’t been in a whisper, he would havegrowled the words.

She swallowed down a nervous lump in her throat. “Doing whaton purpose?”

He narrowed his gaze at her and if she could have pressedherself further into the wall at her back she would have. A tiny smile threatenedthe corner of her lips. His eyes caught it the second she twitched and within abreath, he had seized her mouth in another kiss.

He bit down on her bottom lip and dragged it between histeeth as he separated from her again—a clear warning. “You’re playing adangerous game, Bourgeois,” he whispered.

“You make me want to keep playing, Kurtzberg,” she whisperedback.

Oh that tiny smirk was going to haunt her dreams for weeks. “Fine,but just know that this—,” he lifted a hand and gently tapped the side of herneck, “—is only the beginning.”

She blinked. “This?” He took a step back, giving herbreathing room again and leaving her skin cold without his touch. “This what?”

His smile then was absolutely sadistic and had desireigniting anew deep in her chest. “See you in class, Chloé.” And with that, heturned and walked away.

“Where are you going? What’d you do??” But he didn’t answer,only cast her one more satisfied grin before turning the corner and leaving hersight.

She reached up and traced her fingers over her neck inconfusion. Then cold realization seeped in as she came into contact withsensitive flesh.

A hickie.

In plain sight on her neck, in the middle of a school day,he’d given her a hickie.

She stood there in horror for a solid minute before a wickedsmile slowly spread across her lips.

Oh it is so on.

#chlonath #miraculous ladybug #steamy

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marigoldmavlech · 3 years

Text

06/08/2021

I want to start this entry by saying fuck spiders, I don’t swear. But fuck spiders.

I have also since realized that the world is more dangerous then I had originally thought. and having a healthy fear of dragons big or small is needed, if it wasn't for the people I was on this quest with, I wouldn’t be writing this entry. I would be 6ft below the ground right now. I should probably mention to the people that I travel with that I would prefer my body to be burned rather than left to rot in the ground.

But I'm still here and I'm still standing which I am grateful for, I still have to build the church and hospital for this town. But let me get to the adventure we did go on.

We started our quest in the guild hall where Paavu pointed us in the direction of the blacksmith Saedrick. Our quest was to clear out the creatures in Saedrick’s mine in the mountains to the north.

Once we had met the blacksmith in his house forge? we found out that the trip was a two day trip away from the town and that’s walking. A two day walk with Valentina, Ithus ,Wennock, Dharcius and Alfr. Three people that I have traveled with before, a warlock and another Cleric but of the fighting type. I mean at least Valentina is here so I have another female to talk to. After gathering more information from Saedrick like the mine is separated into 3 main portions and one that we were told to leave alone and now I understand why. But i’ll get to that.

The First leg of the trip was North west along the rolling planes with tall standing grass. on our trip we were attacked. By not 1 not 2 but 4 Ankhegs. Wennock and Dharcius were the first targets being attacked from below, grappled in there pincer like grip as they harmed our friends. 2 more dug out of the ground and attacked. During this time Valentina revealed a set of bony wings, they were beautiful but also scary at the same time. During the fight, we almost lost two of our members. But we survived, thankfully. Unknown to us, this wouldn’t be our last deadly encounter for this adventure.

After our first near death encounter we continued North to the mountains. We did stop for the night and it went by uneventfully. The next day of trekking towards the mines was windy With the last leg of travel before reaching the mines I had a chance to talk with Valentina as the men kept guard. She’s sweet, and almost motherly, something i only every got from the priestesses at the temple. I wonder if my birth mother even cared about me. She did abandon me after all. Anyways, we reached the mines with no further issues; when we arrived the sun was begging to set and the party was tired from our journey. Looking around some of us noticed a small hut outside the cave entrance. It was more of a shed than a hut but it looked big enough for 2 and made for great cover and privacy Valentina and I took advantage of this and slept peacefully out of the wind. Whilst the males of our group kept watch.

The next morning we set off into the mines, and all way going well until we found out that Wennock and Alfr couldn’t see anything. This is interesting, I knew that there were some races that couldn’t see in the dark, and I mean I knew about humans. But it’s unlucky for those who can’t. We went slowly, to help those who can’t see. Dharcuis volunteered to move first and scout ahead. Where we came across 2 small slime like creatures and took them out without difficulty.

The path forward was a fork and we had to choose where we would go left or right. Valentina had asked me “hey dear would you like to come with little ol me and look down the right path quickly” I went along with her and we snuck down the path, the others noticed and followed shortly behind. We spent a good while making our way around the curving nature of the caves. A small mine shaft off to the side of the path lead to a hole descending so deep we couldn’t see the bottom. I lit a torch and dropped it down the shaft, where it landed with a small thud about 150 ish ft down. This is most likely the area we were warned about. We continued around the bends and with a large Smack of a great club Ithus was attacked by a large humanoid creature waiting around one of the corners. As 2 ogres were down within this section of the mine. They weren’t much of a problem for our party as we brought them down with great haste. In this section of the cave there were many corpses of kobolds one of which was holding a note.

“Go to the Northwest kobold Camp, Support them and back them up” Mugrunden Esterlyn

Mugrunden Esterlyn someone who we have heard about time and time again. He irritates me to be honest. Thankfully it seems these ogres helped a future problem. We made our way back to the cave we went to through the other section and then we were done with the mine. The path was short and with some quick scouting it was noticed that 5 strange retile insect like creatures where around the corner just wandering, waiting. After thinking of a plan we made our move, only to have them burst out of the wall infront of me. Reptilian Spiders. Fuck anything spider like. Valentina Set of a very loud spell that cause some sections of the cave to collapse thankfully we didn’t suffer any major problems. We finally killed the 5 spider things 1 larger beast and 4 smaller ones. At last we cleaned the mines. Even though Valentina and i wanted to leave it was decided that we take a quick look down the shaft before we head home.

Using some rope and a grappling hook i wove them a double braided rope about 80ft long and was decided since Valentina was the lightest that she would be lowered down. At some point she wanted to come back up that was until she head a voice. From her report the voice has called out “hello whos there, have you come for me”. Her name was Astrin. Valentina didn’t trust the Astrin so she had come up and swapped with Ithus and Wennock. The boys went lower than Valentina had and this was a mistake that shouldn't have happened. Because I was father back making sure the rope was secure i didnt see what happened. But after reading Valentina’s report. I should have been closer to help out.

From Valentina’s Report

Getting lower then I wanted to go wennock was about 20ft from the bottom where he was able to see this woman’s expression change from a shy to a smile holding out her hand and with a minor flash of arcane energy she said “come join me” wennock had been charmed. I was hearing ithus panic from up top unable to get a good grasp on what they were seeing. Ithus did what he could to break the charm and with some success they begin racing back up the rope to get away from this thing. Which it didn’t like. Using what I can only consider through some arcane knowledge a spell known as hold person as wennock froze in place on the rope. And this woman’s form became fluid in its nature as another slimy form sped up the rope getting just above wennock. All of us took action me included.

This was also apparently when Valentina figured out that Wennock is one of her three kids, Two of which she had apparently abandoned and the third that had died in a fire. When she realized this she shouted down the shaft “stay away from my son you bitch”

The creature which had a long slimy rope like tendril descending all the way back down. As this entity finally made its true presence know a large bubbling slimy mess with faces shifting around almost like its screaming over and over within itself as An Adult Oblex was attacking us. In fear we did everything we could to escape, and we just managed to. Wennock finally back up. Valentina had used her Bony wings again to bring fear to the creature. After this we were left alone. And we raced out as fast as we could for the cave exit. Wennock hid in the shed for a few hours as we waited until dusk to rest. But little did we know, staying would be our final mistake of this quest.

The first six hours went by uneventfully. but as we were about to leave I noticed a glint of red over the horizon and was met by the flapping of wings. And in an attempt to escape the wrath of a young red dragon we ran back into the cave. I dont remember what happened after aside from being waking up with Ithus standing over me. Burns down the left side of his face. We spent the night in the cave, barely sleeping while the dragon flew around outside and knowing the danger that lurked within. After we thought the dragon had left, we book it back to town. Coming across a group of horses and something flying in the distance.

I'm now very wary of what's to the north and I fear for what may happen in the future.

Faithfully

-Marigold

Exp Points gained: 813

Reached Lvl 3

Loot Gained: 13 Gold, 3 Silver

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realdeadlovin · 3 years

Text

my journaling from the beach:

BLah blah. I'm typing this on the roof/balcony of our airbnb in cholla bay. I wish I could go to sleep, I was so tired all day, but my brain is unhappy and wound up in a way that I know would not equal success at falling asleep. especially next to brian. blah blah. i suppose its not surprising that like all of today was just immediately pretending everything was fine between us and not acknowleding that anything had happened. and the frustrating part is that like I don't have any drive or incentive to bring it up anyways because there is no space of valuable procssing for us. the only thing to discuss is how to incorporate teh understanding that (once again, but more firmly this time) nothing will ever work between us, this will keep happening and probably getting worse, It turns out even after that debacle I still like and want to be affectionate iwth brian and it makes me feel sad and lonely to consider breaking off what we've had going on, but also we're lucky enough we've gotten this far without hating each other and maybe we shouldn't press our luck. I don't know, I don't know what the right thing to do is now but that's what's ahead of us to figure out (ending things, how, when?) and I don't want to do that when he's sitll here for a few more days. so I want to be able to I guess "have fun" but it's also hard and feels bad we have to just ignore shit to not have it be horrible.

I lost a lot of trust in brian last night. I knew // was (re?) learning that he has the emotional maturity of a ten year old if that, but it just felt more pointed and personal last night.

he brought up with me sleeping with nick in a snide way, and that struck a nerve and triggered bad feelings in me. yes i was drunk. I wasn't actually mad at brian for that I just wanted to cry a little and procss that that actually was a bad memory. brian does know that it wasn't something that I feel good about and that I had some difficult/ hurt feelings about nick after that incident coupled with others. but i wasn't in that moment mad at his insensitivity I just wanted to step away and have feelings. which seemed fine at first, he came out and was affectionate. but i guess when that didn't fix things right away he couldn't handle it. he said "i feel weird" and got out of bed and then literally threatened to leave the next day. I don't think I can forgive him for that ever. it also just seems so bizarre in the universe when what i've been talking about in therapy is literally like emotional trauma stemming from fearing my mother we going ot leave me (and her in fact leaving my bed) because of me crying. I also had literally iterated to brian multiple times that it wasn't about him, i wasn't mad at him, but apparently what wigged him out so much was a feeling that i was mad at him. but this is what i've already been noticing in brian, he just does not have that ability whatsoever to understand that his emotions/ anxieties/ insecurities are not a blanket excuse for shitty behavior and he needs to be able to take some ownership.

and so the irony is not lost on me tonight that he started having intense, difficult to articulate anxiety / emotions. despite being occasionally affectionate with me (as I also was with him last night) he was also distant, quiet, regularly not looking at or speaking ot me and like standing/walking separately..... he also expressed that his anxiety was related to how much money he is spending on this trip, which also does kinda sting cause it feels like his anxiety is like, that he came to see me, which makes me feel bad and kinda upset, but I wouldn't in one million years I think even if I was very drunk think of yelling at and berating him the same way, being like "well did you ever stop to think maybe i feel like youre mad at me // or blablabla" when I know he's having hard emotions and such. of course i didn't threaten to leave. though I did, I admit and I dind't like feeling this way either, feel quite petty and like "oh ok so you're allowe to have like your own hard emotoinal experience near me but I'm not" or whatever. I wante dot passive aggressively be like, ok well I can't tell if youre mad at me so I'm going to leave tomorrow bye" or whatever. but, I didn't, I sucked it up and although I think I would have been a better suppor had I not been feeling that way I still tried, took us on a walk, hugged him, etc. I dunno bla. not to e all, "regreT" by fiona apple.

I want to tell him I've lost trust in him in an irreparable way, that wasn't just another drunk argument we can forget about and move on from. thsi is the signal that it's time to find a way out of this, I don't htink I can ever be emotionally supported or safe with him in the way I would need, even though I know we aren't saying tghis is a "relationship" or whatever it isn't isn't, "casual." I don't know what would happen to our friendship. I also, even as I write this, wonder if I will actually end this or extricate myself. I'm definitely going to tell him the harm was real from that fight, but maybe after he leaves, I don't know. it'd hard becuase I feel like reopening this conversation would just make the rest of hte trip awful and hard and not even like, in a productive way which is the thing with him is that processing is never processing, it never gets us anywhere at all unless its deeper in a hole of shit. some things I can decide to just move on from and forget even though I still feel that twinge of unresolved anger.... this is bigger than that. um, so yeah, I guess if he wants to keep pretending things are fine with us I'll just go along with it and have as much fun as we can until he leaves and we can safetly idk email or wahtever from a distance. I mean, I won't lie. I also, unfortunately...? still really like touching him, and am attracted to him. this morning I really wanted to have sex with him and like, I felt that maybe it would be fucked up to go towards that after the night we had without acknowledging it, but then was glad he intiated that. I mean.. I think the sex was mutually initiated but, initiated the, being touchy. that was me having his imaginary voice in my head arguing with me about him having initiated it. bla. i wonder if his affected today has just been coming from that fear-of-losing-me place or if he just things that what happened last night was kinda run of the mill for us.. I mean I don't htink he would be surprised if I said it wasn't but yea.

oh but what I was saying, I dont know, it also just feels sooooo lonely and sad, the prospet of going back from like having a constant preson that I love to talk to to not having anything even close to that, especially when life is also already lonely and such. both for like having the constant like, validation, and like, "company" even thought virtual.. like no tjust living alne with my thoughts all day evey day.. but I'm worried right now I'm just going to fall back into the "good" parts of this and not have it in me to break away. and i guess my fear then is something similar or worse will just happen agian that will actually result in us hating each other // me not wanting to talk to him or see him again, etc. I think we could get away without that now, but I don't know. I mean I think we could definitely get out of this without hatred but could we transition back into a friendship where we actually talk and are in each others lives? at least in the near future (not like years down the road)? I dont know.....

I wonder if brian will ever really heal or understand even waht the problem is here. I understand that maybe some percentage of this is like us just having different emotoinal realities and struggles and such but I feel really firm in that what I'm expecting is vey reasonable, not just like me personally but of anyone who is suppsoe to care abotu and be in relationship with another person. I miss having it, I fucking miss dating someone who like hard hard hard things came up, but we understand and respected each otehrs needs and ways of communicating and working through stuff together actually gets you somewhere. i didnt have that with semra either. but semra was emotionally abusive. wolford and I really had that. I mean like sophie and I do in terms of our friendship. yea. is it more rare than I realize? I mean, I guess also I think lore and I have that, though I sometimes and like nervous ot bring up issues I have with her. when I do she listens and we hear each other and we are in a better place afterwards for it. I do think I have that model of like communication and how conflict and be like a good/ supportive thing in a relationships that helps it deepen and grow. mabye brian hasn't like had that modeled, idk, it just seems like he deeply cant' handle hard emotions, from me maybe in particular i dunno, cause he can't see past how they make him feel threatened or insecure or whatever. and then this thing about like " I don't wanna rehash that" when its like we never even really talked about it or figured anything out. we can nevre figure anything out. maybe were just different and he finds me so very "hard to read" and he can "read" other people more easily and thus feels less uncertain and insecure. maybe. but then yea so why are we together.

anyways I think I've written eveything I wanted to and I feel less like crying, still very unclear on if I feel like sleep is an option for me anytime soon. I sorta wish we hadn't had to switch to the one-room airbnb, I would like to go inside and read on a couch until I can crawl in bed it feels that would be distracting to him or like just not as easy as at the other place. sure am glad I don't like in a studio apartment with another person lol.

but, I also have to pee... thought here are bathrooms on thsi patio.. and the wind is picking up so I'll go inside, I really think it would be great to get good sleep tonight but alas

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