I just thought of something… awful. Imagine being stuck in a time loop the day before a dnd session that you’ve been looking forward to for like a while. Maybe you just leveled up and got some feature you’ve been itching to unload on some poor schmuck goblin or you’re about to do something that the dm has been building up to for a while so you’re doing everything you can to get out of this damn time loop so you can finally play dnd with your online friends again

Only when you finally get out of the time loop and it’s tomorrow the dm has to rain check the session because something came up.

i havent played bg3 in like a week because of scheduling conflicts with my trio

its just like real DnD amirite

haha he has no internet for two more weeks *breaks a rock in half*

Initial S6 Thoughts

With Lucifer watched, I can now return to social media! Yay!

I managed to go into this season completely unspoiled. I didn’t even watch the promo (since last season, I wished I hadn’t; it gave too much away). I don’t want to spoil anyone even with my reaction to S6, so I’m going to throw my first thoughts under a cut.

Okay. While I was not anticipating time travel as a narrative tool wielded so forcefully, and while I look forward to watching it a second time without doubting literally every single thing Rory said, claimed, or did as a potential evil plot twist, I will say that this season basically hit all the notes I personally wanted hit, and I was pretty satisfied by how those notes were played. 

I loved the domesticity and ease between Chloe and Lucifer, and I loved the conflicts--the super strength, the LAPD, the reveals of Linda’s book (bless that whole episode oh my god)--between them, too. 

I love that Eve and Maze had a wedding--a tangible symbol of the connection they wanted and needed and chose--because I think it was important. Maze needed to walk down the aisle with her friend. Eve needed to walk that aisle alone. They needed to walk down it again together.

I also love that Chloe and Lucifer didn’t have a wedding. Because not every relationship needs that outward symbol, and I love that theirs was shown as a loving and committed relationship even without the traditional trappings that usually mark it.

I loved Ghost Dan, and Ghost Dan broke my heart. I loved Ella figuring things out because of course Ella figured things out. 

I loved that both Lucifer and Amenadiel found callings, and that those callings were so in line with who they grew to be over the course of the show. 

I love that Chloe’s being a good mother was honored. I’ll admit that I was still a little underwhelmed with Trixie’s role (though her scene with Dan was lovely) this season; it did feel like she was sidelined a bit by the shiny new daughter. But I also know there are lots of reasons for that involving things like actor scheduling. Something I didn’t love was that Trixie was not with her mom and sister at the end. I would have been so much happier if Chloe had been surrounded by the found family we saw her build throughout the show--even if it wasn’t all of them--rather than just the deus ex daughter of the sixth season. She didn’t lose that family because she lost Lucifer, and I’d have liked to see that shown.

I loved seeing Lucifer as a dad. I did. I don’t think every person (or every character) needs children to complete them, but I do love the amount of growth and perspective Lucifer had as a result. In a story that revolved so much around love and family and mistakes and reparations ... I loved that Lucifer got that extra level of growth. Plus Lucifer and Rory’s Day of Fun was beyond precious even though my dark distrusting skeptical heart was waiting for the evil plot twist that never came.

I loved Lucifer’s goodbyes. Maze nearly destroyed me. And I love that those goodbyes were for all of us, too.

Though the practical part of me was like OH MY GOD CALL BACKUP when Lucifer and Chloe went to 10th and Swanson, I absolutely freaking LOVED that fight sequence, wow. (Chloe doesn’t actually need a full bulletproof vest--she just needs one for that one part of her chest, amirite? God, just think of the scar tissue.)

Many things about this season, this ending, are exactly what I wanted to see happen and what I would have written. Lucifer as Hell’s therapist, angels having a role in the stewardship of humanity, Amenadiel as a God who accepts help, the importance of choice and change. I’m glad Lucifer remained immortal and Chloe wasn’t made immortal. I love all the ways partnership in all its forms came to play. I will say this: though of course Chloe and Lucifer being parted was bittersweet ... I don’t know that it was entirely necessary. Rory didn’t know her father growing up; she wouldn’t necessarily have known if Chloe and Lucifer saw each other when she wasn’t around. They had to keep things as they were, sure (freaking time travel), but only from Rory’s perspective, and she wasn’t omniscient. Anyway. I’ll write a fic about it or something. 

It’s genuinely hilarious to me that a couple of things that happened this season have already existed for years in my Taking the Fall notes. Uh, probably not the things you might think. But if (when) I ever get to them, I swear to God, I thought of them ages ago! Any resemblance to canon is coincidental ;P

I’m sure I will have a lot more to say later. But for me? This farewell worked; the show went out with love, and I’m so, so very glad we all fought so hard so it didn’t end on shock and a devil face three seasons ago. I will miss this show beyond measure; it has meant more to me than I can really put into words. But fandom is here and, as my husband so aptly put it earlier, I can always watch the show again. (And again. Don’t you know that, Detective?)

hiii if you're still doing ask game no. 2, could you do 10 11 and 13 for jihan and seokcheol? thank you

honestly this has taken me an eternity and a half to get to and i am so sorry, this is just my failing as a human being

also seokmin ships are my jam and you put seokmin AND seungcheol????? wow honestly you’re just like fulfilling all my guilty pleasures today

JiHan

10. Who finds it absolutely hilarious how ticklish the other is?

Honestly, Jeonghan strikes me as the type of person who is ticklish in exactly five places and Jisoo knows exactly where each place is. Like, I bet you Jisoo can find each tickle spot in the dark and he can attack it precisely to make Jeonghan fold into a gasping, giggling, convulsing mess. You can bet your pretty little heads that Jisoo finds it hilarious.

Jeonghan does not find it as hilarious. If it were literally anyone else, Jeonghan would not hesitate to stomp on a face or punch a dick. However... it’s Jisoo. So, you know. He gets to get away with some stuff. And honestly, with how Jisoo laughs when he gets to tickle Jeonghan, how can he say no?

11. Who likes to stay up late talking?

Surprisingly, Jeonghan does. If he can get to sleep early, then yeah, he’ll do it.

Sometimes, Jisoo has a conflicting schedule from him so on those days, Jeonghan ends up staying up late just so they can talk about their schedules and other things. Jeonghan also privately thinks that there’s something soft about the way Jisoo gets at the end of the day, after the makeup is washed off and the outside clothes are shed. He likes to card his hands through Jisoo’s hair and fall asleep to the sound of Jisoo talking about whatever his little head desires.

Jeonghan is just really soft for Jisoo okay.

13. Who always leaves their clothes on the floor?

It is definitely Jisoo because he seems to be as organised in his life as he is on reality shows – which is to say, not at all. Jeonghan’s tripped over Jisoo’s jeans more times they can count, but Jisoo’s also toppled over Jeonghan’s various lotions and stuff that he gets from Seokmin’s online shopping escapades a hundred million times so they’re just about even.

SeokCheol

10. Who finds it absolutely hilarious how ticklish the other is?

Seungcheol thinks it’s hilarious that Seokmin is as ticklish as he is. It’s not that Seokmin is super ticklish, but usually all it takes is a look from Seungcheol and Seokmin is giggling and trying to tuck his neck into his body like a turtle.

They usually end up on a heap in the ground, Seungcheol laughing as he tortures tickles Seokmin, who’s writhing under him and screaming his head off. Jeonghan and Jihoon bet that Seungcheol is actually deaf because he usually grins harder when that happens, whereas literally everyone in a two kilometre radius cringes. Love, amirite?

11. Who likes to stay up late talking?

Seokmin, Seokmin, Seokmin.

He knows he shouldn’t keep Seungcheol up, that his fierce leader needs all the rest he can get so he can watch over SEVENTEEN and lead them to greatness. Still, there’s something to be said about crawling into Seungcheol’s bed at two in the morning, after most of the members are asleep.

It’s the way the moonlight streams onto Seungcheol’s bed, illuminating Seungcheol’s hair and face. The rough gravel of his voice as Seungcheol hovers between waking and sleeping. The softness of Seungcheol’s sleep shirt and the gentle warmth of Seungcheol’s hand as he rubs Seokmin’s back.

More than just the talking, it’s the fact that they can have the time to just be together that Seokmin likes.

(Not to mention if he can manage a chuckle out of Seungcheol and watch the corners of his eyes crease, then Seokmin can sleep much better afterwards.)

13. Who always leaves their clothes on the floor?

Honestly, I feel like they’re both equally guilty of this. Seungcheol has literally a million and eight things to handle as overall leader and hip hop team leader, while Seokmin has that obsession with online shopping which means that if it’s not clothes then it’s all the boxes he leaves lying around.

Honestly, it’s a good thing Seokmin has his own room because if it weren’t for that, they would be arguing all the time about the mess both of them make. As it is, they bicker about it a fair bit, when they go into each other’s rooms and end up tripping over something or knocking into things. I mean, it’s not sexy when they’re making out and Seungcheol nearly yeets Seokmin across the room because he tripped over one of Seokmin’s boxes.

Feel free to ask me more of these ship asks here!

Strangers ch. 27

Your dizzy spells have gotten worse, but it’s time for you and Yoongi to shine.

Pairing: Yoongi x (female) Reader

Word count: 1.6k

Genre: Floof

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<–– Prev   Next ––>

Okay. Okay. It’s fine. Everything is fine. Fine fine fine fine. Fine. Fine–

A knock at your door interrupts your whirlwind of overthinking, and when you open it you see your downstairs neighbor tapping his foot impatiently.

“Oh, hi there, Soobin. What can I do for you?” You’re cautiously polite, reasonably sure that by this point your neighbor despises you– when you flooded your apartment, his was also damaged, and your obnoxious alarms at all hours have probably driven him crazy.

Soobin yawns. “It’s two in the morning, y/n. I understand if you’re stressed or something. However, your pacing is making it hard to sleep.”

“Oh.” Your cheeks turn red. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to keep you up.”

“Get some sleep,” your neighbor advises. “I’m not trying to pry, but it’s hard to ignore when you’ve been pacing for the better part of an hour.”

“Yes- I will.” You apologize again before saying goodnight, and once you close the door you sigh and lean your forehead against the smooth wood. You’ve never felt so nervous in your life– just thinking about tomorrow raises goosebumps on your arms and makes your heart stutter.

You’re going to kiss Yoongi.

You. Are going. To kiss. Min Yoongi.

Well, your character is going to kiss Yoongi’s character. But still.

The first time you saw Yoongi, back when he called himself Agust, you’d fainted. Just seeing him was enough to overwhelm you entirely and make you lose any semblance of dignity. And now, that man, your idol, your dream, is going to kiss you.

As you climb into bed, you pray that you’ll be able to at least keep your balance tomorrow. Today. Whatever. You need sleep.

“Fame, flashlight– gi-give it to me!”

You shoot upwards, jolted unpleasantly out of an equally unpleasant dream. “Son of a bitch,” You groan, rubbing your temples. Your head hurts terribly, and the comments you’ve been reading online followed you once again into sleep.

@captainkookie21: hey throwback to when @yourname was a no-name who didn’t sleep her way to the top, amirite? Our boys are too good for her lmao

@seventeengoingonseokjin: im so conflicted about #MoonOverTheSea like?? Do I stan because Yoongi? Do I hate because @yourname? What’s the protocol

@namjoonforpresident: Y’all there’s a rumor that there’ll be a #MoonOverTheSea footage leak lmfao didn’t they barely start filming

@bangtan-uwus: unpopular opinion but fuck @yourname and everything she stands for. I’d understand if she were actually famous but she aint and she doesn’t deserve yoongi

@captainkookie21: @bangtan-uwus lol you mean popular opinion

“Ugh.” You bury your face in your hands, squeezing your eyes shut tight, tight enough to keep everything out. There’s an emptiness in your chest so heavy that it hurts to breath, and you’re dizzy again– these spells have been happening more often lately.

Suddenly, your phone rings. The noise makes you jump and scramble to answer.

“Hello?”

“Y/n~ how are you, darling?” Lisa sings in your ear.

You force yourself to relax, force your voice to lighten for your friend’s sake. “Yeah, I’m great. How ‘bout you?”

“Tut-tut. This isn’t about me, hon. Second day of filming! How are you feeling?”

“Yeah, um– you know, good. Fine.”

“Convincing,” Lisa replies dryly. “Well, I’m downstairs. I can give you a lift to the set if you want?”

“Thanks, I’ll be right down.” You rush to gather your things and join Lisa in her car.

"We’re not going to film in the studio today,” you tell her. “We’re going to some outdoor location.”

“Ah, tell me the address?”

You read it to her off your phone and spend the rest of the car ride anxiously tapping as Lisa chatters. Yoongi. Yoongi. You’re going to kiss him, just like in your dream, the one you can’t even force yourself to forget.

“By the way, I’ve been noticing some mean stuff on Twitter lately...” Lisa says cautiously, and you freeze.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Lisa scoffs. “You need to tell me if it’s getting out of hand.”

“I’m fine, Lisa.”

“I’m feeling just fine, fine, fine,” Lisa sings as she parks. “If you say so, girl. Have a good day, yeah? Tell me everything!”

“You know I will.”

Lisa’s eyes narrow. “Do I know that? I’m just kidding. See ya!”

“Bye...?”

You turn and walk to where the film crew has set up tents and trailers. You spot Avery, and judging by her frazzled expression she’s clearly somehow slept less than you.

“Oh, thank god, y/n. Please tell me you’re the one decent member of this cast,” Avery exclaims when you approach.

“Uh... what?”

“The two leads aren’t cooperating because they’re jealous you and Yoongi have been in front of the camera most,” an assistant supplies. “And since the schedule changed and we have to film your outdoor kiss first, they’re both refusing to be onset today.”

Right. The kiss. Almost on cue, Yoongi shows up, moving through the star-struck crew.

“Are we getting started?” He asks Avery, not looking you in the eye.

“Yes. Yes! We are. Hair and makeup, both of you. I want you onset next to those trees in half an hour. If we have to do more than ten takes for any scene, I might go crazy. It’s fine. Everything is fine.” Avery says in a very not-fine way. Unwilling to provoke your director, you scurry off to hair and makeup, only relaxing when Yoongi is out of sight.

But you’re friends. And you’re only acting. This tension isn’t normal. You’re just friends. Why are you so damn nervous?

The period clothing is heavy, and too warm in the noon sun. Because your clothes and makeup are simpler, you trundle onset before Yoongi arrives, and spend the extra few minutes reviewing your lines.

Avery stands next to the camera along with the cinematographer and several assistants. At last, Yoongi walks up to you. You want to tease him about how dashing he looks, but for once the words fail you: how can you joke when it’s the truth? Yoongi is undeniably handsome, but now... he looks royal. He looks perfect.

Avery quickly walks you and Yoongi through the scene, including where you’ll move and when. “Y/n, we’ll start with your line, okay? Take one. Ready, and... action!”

“Isn’t the sunshine lovely today, Mr. Moon?” you sing sweetly as you walk with Yoongi across the field, cameras surrounding you.

“Not half as lovely as you, Miss Kim– though I do wish you would call me Sung-Min.” Yoongi looks at you for the first time today and you feel your cheeks heat up.

You laugh off the sudden rush of affection. “Then I am Ji-Woo. Even though it is hardly appropriate–”

Yoongi grasps your hands in his, and you nearly gasp. This wasn’t in the script.

“I no longer care what is appropriate, Ji-Woo. After all...” he pauses, the corners of his catlike eyes crinkling. “I fell in love with you, didn’t I?”

You giggle modestly, but the intensity of his gaze combined with your intertwined fingers makes you feel like something inside you is falling apart.

“I suppose you did,” you reply, keeping your voice level as Yoongi leads you to the large flat rock Avery pointed out earlier. With a swish of your skirts you settle yourself upon the rock, spine straight, hands folded in your lap. Yoongi stands in front of you.

“Won’t you sit down, Sung-Min?”

“What? Oh, yes.” Yoongi becomes more agitated, and begins pacing in front of you. Much like, you think bemusedly, your own behavior last night. “Y/n, I–”

“Cut!” Avery hollers, and you’re brought back to reality. “Yoongi, she’s Ji-Woo, remember?”

“Ah, yes. Sorry.” Yoongi nods quickly, looking embarrassed.

Your director sighs. “It’s fine– it’s going great so far. Why don’t we keep going from Yoongi’s line? Ready, and... action!”

“Ji-Woo, I’ve been meaning to ask you...”

“Yes?” You’re only supposed to look nervous, so why do you feel your heartbeat quickening?

“I love you, Kim Ji-Woo. I love you truly, fervently, and with every part of myself.” Yoongi takes a breath and with a start you realize you’ve been holding yours. “I think I was besotted from the moment I met you, and every day since has done nothing but intensify my affection. And so, I must ask you– will you do me the honor and privilege, on this day and all days hence, of becoming my wife?”

The tears are there before you have to summon them: Yoongi is kneeling before you, his eyes wide, pleading, hopeful, beautiful. You press your lips together and nod happily and Yoongi’s face lights up with euphoric disbelief and he rises, and he hugs you tightly, so tightly, and when he at last pulls away you’re left looking at each other, eyes wide, mouths inches apart, and you don’t dare breathe.

It’s for the drama. Just friends. Just–

And you have no more time to think because he’s kissing you, Min Yoongi is kissing you and he’s kissing you gently, lovingly, his lips are so soft against yours and he tastes like mangoes for some reason and you reach up to rest your hands on his shoulders and he cups your cheek as though protecting a flower and all this goes through your head in about two seconds because he’s kissing you and there’s nothing more distracting in the world.

After perhaps an eternity you break apart, and Avery once more yells “Cut! Great, we should do another take just in case.”

But you can’t hear her too well: your head hurts again, and you feel another dizzy spell about to hit you, but this one much stronger than the ones you’ve been experiencing lately, and your balance feels off and you’re tired, so tired–

Yoongi must notice. “Y/n, are you oka–”

“I am going to faint,” you announce, before your eyes flutter shut and the world turns to black.

venture bros: the high cost of loathing (my thoughts)

RUSTY WHY CAN’T YOU TREAT HANK RIGHT DAMMIT

Rusty switching from claiming his dad’s science as his own to JJ’s science as his own is my everything. Rusty y u gotta be like that you hack. like?? you literally hired Billy & White to be scientists for you just let them work??

i think the Sirena/Dean romance will continue at least a little bit. she likes Hank but i can see them hitting a more serious rough patch from him not being able to relate to her school schedule and Dean just being Dean and being nice and understanding will just entice her. i think the bigger conflict will be between Hank and Dean than it will be between him and Sirena. she has good chemistry with both of them but i’m predicting by the end of the season something’s gonna happen to her or her family that takes them out of the picture or she’s gonna get fed up and tell Hank/Dean to fuck off so she can be rid of the drama.

wh...why does jared have to clean his web shooter in the nude??

come to think of it jared might be the one to help fix the conflict regarding hank/sirena/dean seeing as he’s also been with sirena. like maybe he’ll valuable insight into “who she really is” that hank/dean haven’t seen yet.

i love that Monarch basically literally can’t do anything when his facial hair isn’t properly groomed. it’s the little things amirite??

Pirate Captain being a business professional is also my everything

how the fuck does Dean have 1mill dollars?? like i know Rusty inherited money from JJ but it more about leaving him the Ventech empire (which we know know is struggling financially) i wouldn’t imagine he would actually give Dean 1mill just for going to college??

whaaaaaaat was going on with Stars & Garters and Think Tank 8o

for the ones that are trying hard

Hi! If you’re somehow seeing this, (which no one will because I have one whole follower that is a fake porn account) it’s about my struggles in my current life. I’m making it public to give people that are in similar predicaments someone to relate to. If you don’t give a shit, scroll along. If you do, sorry about my grammar or word choice (literally just writing to get shit off my chest). Enjoy :)

When you grow up in a shitty place like I did, you know that sometimes school is your only way out. And when your mental health is slowly degrading, it gets hard. I want to skip school all of the time, yet I know I just need to go. And no one told me how hard keeping good grades was in college. I need to read a book for history, reteach myself math, and take TONS of psychology notes by like Thursday but its only Tuesday, but I have to go to my dead end fucking job (I actually just found a new one with better pay, go me!). My coworkers that I once enjoyed working with are now gone. The holidays don’t start up for another month, so everything has been dead and slow. This job is no longer fun, fast-paced, and as of recently; if I fuck up (come in late, out of dress code, any minor workplace violation), I’m fired. I’m a good worker. I try and try at this job and I’m only making 8 dollars an hour, and have only been scheduled 4-8 hours per week. 

With all of this going on, I am in the middle of trying to get on the road. I’m 18 and I don’t have a drivers license. I take public transportation to get to my college everyday. I hate myself for this. Everyone my age has a car and license. I know people look down on me. but what they don’t is how hard I’m trying. I spent an entire check on drivers ed, and I’m finally comfortable behind the wheel. I bought a car, too. It’s ugly, needs work, and is extremely dangerous to drive, and it’s accumulating late fees on the tag (last I checked it was 300). Time’s ticking, where’s your license, I cOuLD dRiVe WhEn i WaS oNlY 12. I’m receiving no financial help from my parents. The only thing they’ve bought me (since I’ve had a job) was utilities, and a few gifts here and there. They didn’t pay for my car, drivers ed, or books for school. I’m trying to do the best I can with the cards that stupid fucking life gave me. 

Even if others don’t see the efforts I’m making to learn to drive and just improve my life in general, I do. I know I’m doing okay for most people my age (especially in the area I live in). But I feel like I’m also watching my friendships and relationship fall out of my hands. My best friend, my only friend, is having a baby. The dad is not present. I want to be there for her so bad, but I have to take care of myself too.  I normally have weekends to myself, but they are usually spent with my boyfriend (of 2 years) because we don’t see each other during weekdays, due to conflicting school and work schedules. I love that boy. I do. But I feel like I’m watching him slip away from me, slowly, more and more every time we hang out. We fight non-stop (usually because of me). I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder, and manic depression. I live untreated and un-medicated, partly by choice. I don’t have the money to talk to a professional, and I refuse to take medicine (no one wants to be a drugged out, emotionless zombie, amirite?). As a result, my emotions are very unpredictable. Little things set me off when they shouldn’t and I say and do things that I don’t really mean. I’m also very much a smartass. My smartassness has become so integrated into my personality that I don’t even know when I’m fucking doing it. MY boyfriend, just like anyone else, gets tired of me being a smartass, and gets upset. Then I get upset, because I think he’s mad at me for practically nothing, and from there on, we fight fire with fire. 

I want nothing more to just become a better person. But college has turned me into an emotionless fuck. 8 hours of sleep is never enough. I lost my sense of personal style. And I smoke way too much fucking weed. I use to be in three sports, so it’s safe to assume that I was fit. My body is now ugly and soft. In summary, my confidence packed it’s shit and left. 

But I’m trying. Slowly working to become the woman I am capable of becoming, and if I lose everything that I love in life, then so be it. But my drive is always here. I am trying. 

Hey there, thanks for checking out my submission. You may call me V (or Rie. Either works.), I’ve been roleplaying for about 7 years and I’m currently looking for some creative, literate partners to roleplay with!

So, without further ado,

IMPORTANT THINGS TO NOTE:

My writing style is in third person, past tense, 1+ paragraphs. I have a bit of a tendency to match my partner’s length but if I'm really motivated and into the rp though, I can honestly go on and on and on and on.....

I enjoy plot-centered RPs the most. I have no issues with those that are focused on only one element, but I personally prefer something that has all sorts of different themes/elements to it. (In simpler terms, I'm looking for 55% plot + 45% smut.)

I RP via email only.

Though I may not be extremely strict on literacy, I do expect decent grammar and writing. (Please take the time to proofread your replies before sending it over too. Typos, weird sentences and errors appearing every now and then is absolutely understandable, but it does get a bit much when it happens consistently.)

I’m pretty laid-back when it comes to post frequencies. I don’t mind if you’re someone who replies within a day, or someone who replies only once a week. I personally have an erratic schedule and therefore, there’ll be times when I can respond two to three times a week, and times when I can only reply once a week. Nonetheless, I'll always let you know beforehand if I need a bit more time.

I currently do MxF pairings only, with me playing the female role. I've tried playing a male character before but unfortunately, I don't feel I do the role any justice.

I strongly prefer playing characters that are twenty and above, but if I had to play someone younger than that, the lowest I'd go is probably only eighteen or nineteen. I don't do age gaps which exceed 10 years too.

No one liners or extremely short replies please! I appreciate a partner who puts in as much effort as I do. You don’t have to match me and I'm not the kind to have some sort of length requirement, but please try your best. It'll make me incredibly happy and motivated to respond back ASAP.

No godmodding. If you do this, I’ll /unfortunately/ have to end the RP.

“There is no ‘I’ in ‘Team’. “ Cliche, but accurate. When it comes to fleshing out the storyline, I expect the both of us to plot and exchange ideas. Don't leave it solely up to me because where's the fun in that, amirite? If we're going to start a lil world reserved only for us, then it'd only make sense for us to create it together.

I adore chatting and plotting with my partners so if you’d ever like to converse OOC about ideas, plots or RP feels with me, go right ahead. The only thing I ask is that we don't get too RL personal with one another, especially not when we've only known each other for a day or two. Please respect my privacy as I would yours.

You can check out my Turn Ons/Turn Offs at: https://www.f-list.net/c/blauerossen

When it comes to my limits, please don't ask me to try anything that's in my “No” section though. They were added there for a reason and I’d sincerely appreciate it if you could respect that.

If any of my plot interests you, do add in the number (e.g “#02”) somewhere in your title.

If none of my ideas interest you but you see a pairing/theme you fancy below and have a plot idea, feel free to send me a message! I’m always open to new ideas. Please specify what you’re interested in and/or let me know what you idea is though. It’ll save us much more time than if you were to send me a mere, “Hey, free to RP?” or “I’m interested and have an idea. Can we roleplay?”.

THEMES I LIKE / WANT TO EXPLORE:

Psychological Thriller / Torment

Corruption

Dark/Twisted Themes

Romance

Smut

Crime/Mafia related stories

Action

Thriller

Slice of Life

Post-Apocalyptic

Fantasy

Sci-Fi

Medieval

Edo Period

PAIRINGS (Bold = Current craving):

Survivor x Survivor (Post-apocalyptic setting)

Android x Human

Kidnapper x Victim

Criminal x Criminal

DemiGod x Human

Prince x Princess

Butler x Princess/heiress

Spy/Assassin x Spy/Assassin

Spy/Assassin x Cop

Assassin x Target

Cop x Criminal

Teacher x Student

Mythical/Supernatural being x Human

Master x Slave

Student x Student

Boss x Employee

+ more. (Can’t think of anything else, currently. Will update when I do.)

PLOT BUNNIES:

The roles in these plots can be reversed unless stated otherwise, and I don’t write much about my partner’s character’s background as I prefer to leave those lovely parts up to them!:

#01 - Psychological Thriller / Master x Slave  (heavily inspired by Woojin and Joonhoon’s relationship from ATEOTR || Current craving):

When my character’s father decided to remarry, it was a scary change. She didn't know how things would go but upon getting to know her step-mother and bonding with her step-sibling, things didn't seem so bad. Her step-sister, in particular, seemed to have much in common with her, and it came to a point where they were once almost inseparable. But as time went by though, she started noticing some 'changes'.

Her father’s once undying love and attention towards her seemed to be halved now, and the people that surrounded them started comparing her to her step-sister.

She tried to brush it off at the beginning— simply pretending not to notice whenever it happened during functions they'd attend but eventually, feelings of dissatisfaction and envy slowly arose. She didn't understand what was it that had set her apart from her step-sister. Was she simply not trying hard enough at everything? Or was this just a simple game of favoritism? As the hatred and bitterness grew within her, she found herself going astray — hanging out with the rebellious crowd and venturing into places she shouldn’t be going to.

This is where she’d encounter your character. (We can definitely change or alter him if you had other character ideas in mind but personally, I envision him to be someone who's surrounded by people that both respect and fear him. They’re attracted to his allure and charm, as well as his strong and authoritative presence but they also fear him due to his dark and twisted nature. He might be someone who's good with words, enabling him to be friends with socialites/businessmen and those from the underground society. He's probably someone who's cunning, intelligent and extremely twisted.)

Upon meeting one another, he could see her as an interesting subject; a possible new "pawn" whom he could control and make use of until he got bored of her.

She in turn could find him maddening but entrancing, a person she keeps on going back to despite his wicked ways. [Do keep in mind that I don't plan to make her a willing submissive. She's usually pretty aloof and provocative; having a sly and complex mind just like his. She only really submits when 1) he leaves her no other option or 2) she feels vulnerable/emotional or so.]

Whether they eventually fall in love or are forever stuck in this cat-and-mouse game is entirely up to us but basically, they're two hollow-hearted characters trapped in a complicated relationship.

#02 - Fantasy or Criminal Organization:

I recently revisited an old favorite movie of mine called Shinobi, and was tempted to create an idea similar to it.

Your character is the son of clan A’s boss and mine, clan B’s. The two groups which were once rivals decides to form an alliance. The reason can be as simple as them feeling they’d be better off ending their feud, or it can be that another clan is coming up, and they think said group is going to be a huge threat to them all.

After much discussion, the two leaders decide that the best way to end their feud and establish their new found alliance is to have an arranged relationship/marriage between their children.

We can honestly go many ways with this plot. It can be a lighthearted one where two characters who used to despise each other slowly fall for one another, or it can be full of chaos where family conflict, betrayal, etc.. takes place. Anything goes with this idea, really.

#03 - Post-Apocalyptic:

Ever since the terrifying zombie outbreak occurred, my character has been on the move; raiding every house/building she passes by, and avoiding any possible encounter with other survivors. However, a bad fall and an injured arm has her desperately seeking for shelter.

How she meets your character is entirely up to us/you. He can be another survivor who happens to chance upon her somewhere, or he can be hiding out in a house/place that she decides to check out. He can even be a leader or “governor” of some sort who ends up finding her wandering near their base.

#04 - Edo Period:

This would probably take place in the 17th century where Yoshiwara still existed. My character would either be an apprentice or a high ranking courtesan working at Yoshiwara, and your character can be… Anyone you’d like him to be, really.

With a plot like this, the sky’s pretty much the limit. He can be a samurai looking to ‘relax’ after a hard day's work, a ronin wanting to hide from his foes, a foreigner from abroad (I know, I know. Foreigners weren’t exactly welcomed still then but since this is the RP world… Anything can happen. Wink ) or heck, we can even have a wealthy foreigner or feudal lord buy her out out of Yoshiwara and into his household, where other drama/chaos/etc can occur.

Just like #01, the genre/theme for this is flexible. -------------------------------------------------------------------

That’s all from me! Thank you for checking out my post, and please feel free to send me an email at [email protected] if you’re interested in roleplaying!

Doctor Who Series 12 Review Part 5/10: Fugitive of the Judoon

Air date: 26 January 2020

The Doctor Who fandom is in further meltdown this week as we deal with further bombshells on top of all the bombshells from the series up to this point.

My spoiler-free thought for this episode: “We’re gonna need David Tennant back at this point to explain what is going on.”

At this point, I have caught up with the last three episodes. Weekly posting of reviews will continue from next week. Spoilers continue after the break. Make sure you’ve watched the entire series up to the end of this episode before you continue on.

That big bombshell

Before the series started, we did get confirmation that the Judoon would be returning. That was a pretty good cover for this episode.

This week, we saw the debut of a new Doctor played by Jo Martin. Talk about representation, amirite? Look, in all honesty, I’m not too worried about this being an SJW red flag over this being something that could potentially rattle the status quo of Doctor Who. John Hurt as the War Doctor did do that, but eventually, we came to understand that it was because of three reasons - there was a discrepancy between the Eighth and Ninth Doctors in that there was no regeneration, Christopher Eccleston was unable to return for the 50th Anniversary and Steven Moffat wanted to explore what would happen if the Doctor used up all twelve regenerations.

On a side note, Jo Martin is pretty good as the Doctor. It should also be noted that she is the first black Doctor in the series (maybe not actually the Doctor depending on how this series turns out). What are the chances that this was done for fanservice because people were expecting a more radical choice for the Thirteenth Doctor (as if Jodie Whittaker being female and a feminist wasn’t radical enough)?

Personally, I’ve never been a fan of Chameleon Arch stories. I think that if you (forcibly) conceal yourself as a lesser species despite having superior powers, abilities and knowledge, then it demeans who you really are and makes you look like a bit of a coward. John Smith put it best in The Family of Blood when he was struggling over whether to open the fob watch and become the Doctor again as it meant that this John Smith wouldn’t exist anymore. In the end, he didn’t stand up and insist on staying John Smith, thus making him a coward either way.

So, upon becoming the Doctor again and learning that 13 is also the Doctor, Ruth (we’ll call her this from now on) surmises that the Doctor is from her future, yet the Doctor doesn’t remember being Ruth. Given the design of her TARDIS and her not recognising the sonic screwdriver, I’m surmising that Ruth is based on the classic series Doctors. Let’s take a look at three possible theories I’ve come up with.

Theory 1: Parallel universe/Alternate timeline

This seems to be the most popular and easy-to-explain theory among fans. It would certainly explain the Master’s reappearance and it doesn’t change the status quo too much. However, Chris Chibnall said that Ruth is “definitively the Doctor” (how that sentence even makes sense I don’t know) and that there is no parallel universe involved, which could potentially jeopardise everything.

The Doctor Who Wiki documents many incarnations and alternate versions (including non-canonical versions) of the Doctor other than those we have seen onscreen. However, the fact that Ruth might come from a parallel universe would be too simple unless it’s part of a bigger thing in the story arc. I’m foreseeing a Dimensional Merge thing going on.

(If Peter Cushing actually ends up being acknowledged as canon or an incarnation of the Doctor onscreen, then I’m going to be pissed)

Theory 2: The Valeyard

The Valeyard, a villain from the Sixth Doctor’s Trial of a Time Lord series, was seemingly forgotten until it was mentioned twice in the Moffat era, during The Name of the Doctor and Twice Upon a Time. The Valeyard is apparently an amalgamation of the Doctor’s darker sides from between his twelfth and final incarnations - in terms of the Doctor’s first set of regenerations, it would technically be between the Tenth (post-Journey’s End) and Eleventh Doctors. However, now with the Doctor’s new regeneration cycle, people seemingly like to stretch it out to after the Twelfth Doctor’s era, so anything goes at this point. It would explain Ruth’s darker side during the confrontations with the Judoon and her willingness to bear arms when the Doctor opposed it.

Theory 3: Pre-Hartnell Doctor

This would be the most dangerous theory because it would drastically change the status quo of Doctor Who. During the Moffat era, the show seemed to reinforce the fact that all and only all of the Doctor’s incarnations up to that point were the Doctor. The child we saw in Listen was basically the First Doctor.

The details of the Doctor’s birth and upbringing are very conflicting because different Doctor Who-related media seems to have their own interpretation of it. The 1997 Virgin New Adventures book Lungbarrow details how The Other, one of the original founders of Time Lord society alongside Rassilon and Omega, would reincarnate himself into the loomed Doctor. I don’t like the idea of the Looms, though, so things might be questionable for me if they are canonised. Chris Chibnall has said in an interview around the start of Series 11 that he had not been able to find a copy of Lungbarrow, but chances are that whatever happens will be even more complicated than whatever I’ve theorised.

The return of Captain Jack Harkness

This was another surprise in this episode. As such, this makes Jack the first companion from the revived era, or more specifically, the RTD era, to reappear in the series. Sadly, the return of Jack Harkness may have been fanservice as well as Chibnall also said that he won’t be appearing again in Series 12. If you’re going to have fanservice in order to advance the story, then the fanservice should be more involved in it, like Rose Tyler in Series 4. With the announcement that the Cybermen would return in the Series 12 finale, I would have expected Jack to return then.

So what did Jack warn Graham, Ryan and Yaz about? He had them tell the Doctor to “beware the Lone Cyberman” and not to give it what it wants. He also mentions that an “alliance” sent something back through time and that somehow because of it, the Cyberman empire is in ruins. What this and/or Ruth have to do with the Timeless Child we have no idea yet, but I’ll be sure to keep watching.

Other general thoughts

Since the term was coined in the 2017 Free Comic Book Day comic The Promise, the fob watch portion of the Chameleon Arch has been known as the biodata module. The fire alarm in the lighthouse acted as Ruth’s biodata module; having it in a stationary location does make it harder for it to be noticed, particularly if perception filters are involved.

In the next time trailer for this episode, I thought that Ruth was Grace. And people say all Asians look the same.

Why didn’t the Doctor ask more questions to Ruth if she was confused at whether she was her or not?

Ruth gives the Doctor five points for guessing how she disguised herself on Earth. We haven’t seen the points system for a while now. For those of you keeping track at home, Yaz is on 10 points (S11E5), Ryan has a gold star, which I presume to be 10 points (S11E6) and the Doctor is on 5 points. Way to underestimate.

Following this episode, the next two episodes are also co-written by Chris Chibnall. Whether they will have more details to build onto the story arc is unknown yet.

Summary and verdict

No tokusatsu references in this episode. There was a big SJW red flag, but that was overshadowed by the story arc. Regardless, Ruth and Jack served as mere fanservice to advance the story and I expect to see them again soon.

Once again, I’ve finally caught up on the episodes now, so we will be returning to the normal posting schedule next week. I didn’t complete all the reviews for the last three episodes all in a day - my mind gets tired whenever I’ve done something big.

Rating: 8/10

Mid-series review

Compared to the same period in Series 11, the first half of Series 12 was definitely more dramatic than Series 11. We had a two-parter reintroducing the Master, a story about climate change and an Edison vs. Tesla episode. I thought there weren’t going to be a lot of SJW red flags, but Episode 3 alone proved me wrong. Still, the SJW agenda is less of a problem for me this year than it was last year (though I’m still going to be cautious).

Here are my ratings for the series so far:

Episode 1: 8/10

Episode 2: 8/10

Episode 3: 5/10

Episode 4: 9/10

Episode 5: 8/10

Mid-series total: 38/50 (76%)

Compared to the mid-Series 11 total of 70%, this is probably the better series for me so far. I think the returning characters and story arc really helped.

Stay tuned next week as I review the sixth episode, Praxeus.

A Good Boyfriend (John Laurens x Reader)

Hope you all enjoy this! Just a little Laurens this week, cause who doesn't want some Laurens, amirite?

Paring: John Laurens and Reader

Summary: John finds out you have your period and takes care of you.

Word Count: 1400+ (this is, like, the smallest fic I’ve written. Wow)

Warnings: a little cursing, a little bit of period talk

MASTERLIST

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“God damn it.” You said as you took off the sheets off your bed. It was that time of the month again. Because it was always irregular, you were never really able to predict when it was coming. You rushed to change the sheets and take a shower before John came over.

Once the sheets were being washed and you had just finished putting the new sheets on, you heard a knock on the door. You checked yourself in the mirror to make sure everything looked okay then went to open the door.

The moment the door opened, John’s lips attacked yours. You yelped in surprise and John only pulled back to say “Sorry” before slamming his mouth back to yours. He had pushed you to your couch and he sat on it before making you straddle his legs. His hands were kneading your ass, grinding you into his lap and you couldn’t really think.

Suddenly hit with the memory of what that week was, you pulled back. The both of you struggled to catch your breaths.

“Sorry,” John breathed. “I hadn’t seen you all week, and I just really needed to kiss you.” He nuzzled your neck and gave light kisses to it. You climbed off of him and swatted his hands away when he tried to pull you back on.

“It’s fine. I missed you too.” You said, giving him a kiss on the cheek.

You stood up and walked over to the kitchen to make a cup of coffee. John followed after you and sat on the counter. You gave him a dirty look, but he ignored it and started telling you about his week. You made him and yourself a cup of coffee and gave it to him. He began to sip it while continuing to tell you his stories. You cooked eggs and made toast for the both of you, and when you finished, you both sat down in the kitchen table and ate. When you started eating, he prompted for you to tell him about your week. The morning was spent catching up on what the two of you had missed, since both of your schedules conflicted with each other’s except on the weekend.

By the middle of the afternoon, the two of you were sitting on the couch, watching a movie. You legs were splayed across his body and he slowly massaged your legs. When a particularly sexy scene in the movie started playing, John’s hands started getting higher up on your leg, until one of his hands were tucked inside your shorts, making small circles on your inner thigh. Somehow, John ended up on top of you, kissing you, and it was when he started taking off your shirt that you pushed him off.

“Sorry.” He apologized immediately, pulling completely off of you, rubbing your legs.

“No, you didn’t do anything bad.” You said, shaking your head. “It’s just…”

“What is it? Are you okay?” He asked, worried.

“No, no. Nothing bad. It’s just its… that time of the month.”

John chuckled. “Jeez, babe, you were worried to tell me that?”

When you nodded your head, he chuckled again. “There’s no reason to be embarrassed or anything. I just wish I knew before I came here so I could pick up some supplies.”

“I didn’t have time to tell you.” You argued.

“We had the whole morning.” He shot back.

“Yeah well, we were busy. I wasn’t going to interrupt our morning just to tell you that blood was pouring out of my vagina.”

“Well, it wouldn’t be the first time that you’ve done that.” He said. You recalled the one time when you had just started going out with John, and you guys were out with a couple of his friends and you had unexpectedly gotten your period. When you had said you needed to leave and John protested, you’d said the exact same thing you’d just told him. (John had only laughed and let you leave. Herc later told you that after you left, John announced to the group that he was going to make you his.)

“Whatever.” You said, rolling your eyes.

Hours later, John left to go back home.

The next morning, you took a shower and prepared coffee for when John came over.

When you opened the door to let him in, you saw him carrying about 4 bags of things.

“What the hell is all of this?” You asked as he brought the bags inside.

“My supplies.” He said. He set the bags on the floor near the couch, sat down and started taking the contents of the bags out one by one.

John took out many different types of chocolate in one bag, two different flavors of ice cream for the both of you in another bag, a pack of heat pads in the third bag, and a bunch of romance movies that he’d brought over from his apartment in the last bag.

“Wha-” you mumbled. John proudly grinned at you and stood up to drag you over to the sofa to sit down.

“Oh John!” You exclaimed, throwing your arms around him in a tight hug. He hugged you back and gave you a kiss on your head. When you pulled away, John stood up, grabbing the bag of movies.

“What do you wanna watch? I was thinking the Notebook, cause I really wanted a good cry.”

When you didn’t answer, John turned around. He saw tears falling down your face. “Oh Y/N, there’s no reason to cry, baby.” He sat down next to you. “All I did was buy you shit to make you fat, I don’t see why that’s any reason to cry.” He thought for a moment. “Okay, I’m making you fatter. That is a reason to cry.”

“I’m hormonal, okay? Don’t criticize me, shit head.” You sniffled. You wiped the remaining tears away from your face and gave John a small smile.

“Can we watch the movie now?” he asked, wiping away a tear that you missed.

You nodded your head, and he stood up to put the movie in.

Not even 5 minutes into the movie, John started crying. You began tearing up too, because when John cries, you cry too.

“Babe, the movie just started. Why are you crying?” You asked, blinking your eyes to make the tears go away.

“Cause I know how it ends.” He cried, wiping the tears away from his face. You laughed and snuggled up closer to him. He put his arm around your shoulder and the both of you sat watching the movie. John fed you the chocolate while the movie played. When it was done, he put on another movie, and you moved on to eating ice cream. You both ended up falling asleep on the couch like that, your head resting on top of his chest, his arms wrapped around you.

The rest of the week continues like that. Despite how tired he was after a whole day at work, he still came over to your house to take care of you. He always brought more snacks (since you always finished the chocolate he’d buy the same day) and laid with you on your couch until the two of you went to sleep.

Your period ended on Tuesday after only five days. When John walked into your apartment, carrying the same things he’d always brought, on Wednesday, you dragged him into your room. You sat him down in the bed and told him to wait there.

You walked into the bathroom and took off your clothes until you were left in the lingerie you saved for special occasions. You walked back out and John’s eyes almost fell out of his head.

“Wha-I, uh…” He stammered, unable to look away from you.

“Since you’ve been so sweet to me this week, I thought that you deserved a little something.” You purred as you approached him slowly.

“I didn’t do it to get anything.” He mumbled, still staring at you.

“Oh? So I can just go change?” You said, angling your body towards the bathroom.

“No!” John shouted. “No, no. You can stay like that. Stay just like that.”

You smirked. “Good.”

You got down on your knees in front of him and showed him just how much you appreciated what a good boyfriend was.

Submission

Time-sensitive(?)

So, I’m a senior in high school, but I’m taking classes full time at a community college. My dad didn’t want me to take classes there full time since it wasn’t “academically rigorous” enough for him, but he eventually went through with it. One of his “conditions” was that I had to take a computer science class this semester. At first I was very excited, but after classes started I realized how much I didn’t like it. (Let me add that I’d like to be a history major and I'm taking the CS class designed for CS majors. My dad has been working in programming his entire career. He thinks that non-STEM majors will get you nowhere in life unless you go to grad school or medical school.) As this semester is drawing to a close, I tell him that I don’t wanna take CS II. He says that I have to and that I’m going to have to double major in CS if I major in history. (My sister majored in East Asian Studies and planned to go to med school, but did not. Did my dad force her go anyway? No.) If I don’t then he says he won’t pay my tuition. There was only one CS class that fit into my schedule for next semester and since it’s with a very popular teacher at night, it filled up before my paperwork to register was processed. There was another CS class that conflicted with two of my other classes. When I told my dad, he tells me to drop the other two classes. I didn’t. So now, all the CS classes are full and he’s telling me that if I don’t find a way into one of them, I’m going to be “severely punished”. (I highly doubt the punishment would be physical.) I went to the college administrators and they told me what I already know–they can’t get you into a class if it’s at capacity. I’m just at my wit’s end. I don’t know how many times I’ve told him how much I hate CS and how I’d like to take classes that I enjoy during my last semester of high school. I’ve told him over and over that I’d take a CS class when I actually go to college. Whenever I tell my friends about what’s going on they just say things like, “Are you gonna let him control your life?”, etc. I don’t think they get it? What am I supposed to do if he won’t pay for me to go to college? I don’t have any kind of college savings. I don’t have a job. I’m only 17 years old. I don’t wanna spend four years taking classes I hate. My mom hasn’t said anything about what’s going on, since she decided to “stay out of it”. I’m just tired of trying to plead my case. I’d take all my classes at my high school next semester if I could. I just want him to leave me alone. I just want my dad to support my decisions and let me live my life. I’m not asking for anything crazy. I just don’t wanna take a class next semester. I’ve never looked for easy As. I’ve been trying so hard to make my classes as academically challenging as I can so I can get into good schools. What should I do? No amount of talking gets through to him. What should I do?

– Class of 2017

_________________________________________________

Hey there love,

Before I give you any advice, I will say this. Parents care an awful lot, and especially when it comes to when they want their kids to succeed and have a good life. Many parents want their children to live a fulfilling and enriching lifestyle, wanting them only to live with good money, and a safe home, while being happy. That said, they can also be controlling because they’re scared that their baby girl or boy will suffer if they pursue something they love but something that doesn’t have an immediate stable foreseeable future and having only to work can be frightening.

First of all, I think it’s great that you’re pursuing something you love. It’s incredibly brave of you, and a great choice. Now you won’t have to worry about doing something you regret and hate for the rest of your life. Never give in to your parents’ wishes of wanting you to be a comp.sci major if it’s the last thing you want to do. However, I think your father wants you to follow in his footsteps for personal reasons such as fearing that history isn’t a good stable career, or maybe it’s because programming is all he’s ever known and knows that since he himself was a comp.sci major, he could help you in some way, and give you a safe future. You need to convince him that you’re growing up, and that whatever you do, you’ll be able to handle on your own. By sitting him down and tell him straight up that you understand that Comp.sci is what he wishes you pursue, it’s simply something that you can never see yourself doing, and be happy whilst at it. Then ask him if he wanted you to be unhappy. His answer would clearly be no. Despite him thinking it’s for your own good, this is your path, and your life. He clearly wants you to have a successful life, but if you’re not happy, it’s in vain. Make him see reason, by saying that history is something you have a passion for, and even though it may not be a “safe” STEM route, it’s something you chose, and won’t regret. By forcing you into comp.sci not only will it be bad for you psychologically, you won’t get much out of it either. Anyone knows that if you hate what you’re doing, you obviously won’t try as hard, and your results will show just that.

Since you can’t get a CS class this semester, take other classes to explore your other options. In the meantime, I think your father despite grudgingly you not taking his choices, he will still pay for your tuition. Why? You’re his daughter. He won’t cut you off just because you want to do something you like. There may also be a cultural aspect to it as well. My father was forced into being an engineer, despite wanting to go into business, and later on, as I grew up, I was expected to be an engineer as well like my other siblings. Now thinking about it, I had a similar situation like you. I was expected to be in a STEM major as well, and after thoroughly talking it out with my father, he let me do things on my own. Like it will be for you, it wasn’t easy. My own father was very angry especially because I didn’t follow something that had a generic safe path. My older sister was a doctor, and older brother had 3 degrees in engineering, accounting and law. As his 3rd kid, I wanted to pursue psychology and he thought that virtually had no job openings. He eventually realized that he couldn’t bend me to his will, and realized how old I was getting. I was no longer his little girl, and he realized it was pointless in directing me, because now I was able to see right and wrong. Still, he had a grudge for a long time, but it passed. It could be the same for you. No parent that cares strongly for their child’s education can hate them. He just worries too.

Try to get your mom on your side. Talk with her about your thoughts often, and when you get through to her, before long, she’ll start defending you and looking at it through your point of view. Remember, if the husband is the head, the wife is the neck. She’s the one behind the true decisions that is silently persuading the husband. Try to make her feel included in your choices, and try to get closer to her. She’ll be more inclined to listen to how you truly feel. Same goes for your sister.

However, if he still threatens to cut off your funds, start looking for scholarships. Even though it’s a hassle, and has incredibly annoying prerequisites, it’s too decrease the competition. Apply to all and any scholarship. Even if you don’t fit the requirements, do it just in case. Many scholarships end up going to waste, because no one applies for them. There are thousands of dollars that go down the drain because no one takes them, mainly because people think there’s too much people competing and give up. Heck, for jokes I applied to a scholarship for engineers, and ending up getting 500$ cause no one claimed it. Look for scholarships and bursaries. If you are coming of age, you can also look at student loans from your university/college as well as fundraising from your high school. Lastly, get a part time job. Find anything because it’ll help pay for expenses of any sort. I would recommend fast-food chains (bubble-tea stores aren’t fast food but they’re always hiring and its boba tea, what’s not to like amirite), or bookstores. They don’t require too many hours, and are usually flexible, giving you time for your schoolwork and breaks.

Maybe to try to get through to him, if you’re able, make him a deal. Deals are usually good ways to prevent conflict and can help satisfy both parties for a short or long time depending on the deal. If you can handle it, tell him that you are willing to take one or two comp. sci courses and will try to enjoy it, but in exchange, you want to be able to make your own career and post-secondary choices. Or anything you want to barter on. Make sure it’s advantageous to your side! He won’t really realize until last minute, and he won’t be able to do anything about it either.

Even though I hate to say this, don’t live for your dad. Or your mom, or anyone. It’s your life, and whatever you choose, at the end of the day, it’s you that’s stuck with the consequences or rewards. Your dad may force you, may threaten you, or even cut you off, but ultimately if you choose to go with his wishes, it’s you that faces the repercussions of it. Do anything and everything you can to defend your freedom as a growing adult. He needs to see that you have your own opinion and mindset for yourself. My dad used to always say this to me: “Whatever you do, do it for yourself, because ultimately, when everything else and everyone is gone, all you really have are your choices, and memories and what you did with them.” Learn that there will always be something or someone against your or in your way. Know that this is life, and pick your battles and try to just breathe and enjoy the rest of your high school life! You deserve it. Realize by the time you hit Uni, you’re in for the biggest rollercoaster of your life.

Really hopes this helps,

~Ella ʕ•ᴥ•ʔ

by ProfoundCranium

Panic was something that was quickly becoming part of Mina's schedule. Panic at him finding out, at others finding out, over her own head and why it was betraying her. And then she came to the conclusion that panic was a bore and that joy and infatuation was more fun. Fuck feelings amirite?

Words: 5275, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English

Fandoms: 僕のヒーローアカデミア | Boku no Hero Academia | My Hero Academia

Rating: Mature

Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings

Categories: F/M

Characters: Aizawa Shouta | Eraserhead, Jirou Kyouka, Yaoyorozu Momo, Uraraka Ochako, Asui Tsuyu, Hagakure Tooru, Yamada Hizashi | Present Mic, Ashido Mina

Relationships: Aizawa Shouta | Eraserhead/Ashido Mina, Aizawa Shouta | Eraserhead & Ashido Mina

Additional Tags: Scarred Mina, sad past, Morally Questionable Crush, Conflicted Aizawa, Responsible Aizawa, teacher Aizawa, Mina Top Student, Timeskips, Epilogue on the way, Contest Entry, 5000 word limit, I went a bit over okay

can’t sleep.

I can’t sleep.

Not surprising given my mind is running a mile a minute with thoughts and yet a bit surprising given the fact that I went to bed at 6:30 pm yesterday and slept through the night until work this morning.

I’m exhausted but I think my body is on its own schedule right now, so I suppose I’ll use the time I have wisely and try to process through some of this mile a minute thoughts (if only thinking burned calories, amirite?)

My last post had the highest views my blog has ever had. People seem to have a lot of thoughts about it and a lot have reached out to me in various ways to offer support, encouragement, advice, etc. and I appreciate all of the effort on everyone’s part. It means a lot to me. One of the biggest pieces of advice I continue to get is to go talk to someone so I suppose I will use this space here to address that in a broader context so that I don’t have to continue saying the same thing over and over again. So, here we go!

Honestly – I don’t want to.

I know that sounds like I’m being a brat but it’s true. Counseling is an intimate thing for me and I had the same counselor for 7 years while I was at Brockport and it took probably 4 years of me seeing her for me to actually trust her enough to show up consistently to work through my shit. Even after that, I would say 90% of our time together was me complaining. I’m a firm believer in counseling, I think it’s a beautiful thing, I encourage everyone to try it, and I know that it can be incredibly helpful. I literally became a counselor because I believed in it so much.

The problem is that in order for counseling to work you have to be willing to do that work, and I’m just not right now. I’m fucking exhausted. And honestly I’m sick of always having to go to counseling. I have gone for so much of my life because bad shit happens over and over and over and honestly I’m at the point where I’m just sick.of.it.

It seems like these two mindsets are conflicting, and they probably are, because HEY! I’m a gemini, that’s what we do – but in all seriousness, I don’t want to pay money to go talk to a counselor who is going to tell me things I already know and help me put together the puzzle behind why I’m feeling the way I am right now.

Let me break it down for you –

I have an incredibly deep rooted negative self-image, the product of childhood friendships that were toxic, an unhealthy and at times emotionally abusive relationship with my father, sexual assault, toxic relationships, medical issues, family trauma, medical trauma of my own and various other life events all wrapped up in a nice genetic predisposition for lack of serotonin production.

I have always felt this way about myself/my life/my achievements/my worth. I’m just usually a lot better at covering it up so that none of you worry about me and I don’t have to explain myself.

The problem is that I am utterly drained by grief right now, to the point where I am exhausting all of my energy just to get out of bed and go to work each day since losing my aunt. Thanks to a shitty guy, I was so wrapped up in bullshit when she died that I literally didn’t even mentally process her death and now I am slowly losing my mind at the thought of life without her. Because of this, I quite literally CANNOT keep up appearances and pretend that I love myself/have positive aspirations/believe I have a good future etc. I just can’t. I have no energy left to give to devote to that and so what the world is seeing is the full force of the inner thoughts I have had time and time and again for as long as I can remember.

I am not kidding when I tell you I do not remember a time when I loved myself. I do not remember a time when I believed myself to be worthy of love. I do not remember a time when I thought myself worth anything.

What I remember are times when it didn’t consume me. Thanks to medication, I’m able to go about my life and not have this become something that runs my day to day in a full force way.

Right now, is not one of those times.

And I’m not saying I’ll never go back to counseling or that I don’t think it will work for me – I’m sure that I will at some point when I’m able to. But I’m saying right now I am fucking exhausted and sick and tired of feeling like this day in and day out and I don’t want to have to go to another doctor and pay another medical bill to hear all the ways in which my thinking is distorted. I know it is. I know it’s me. I know that ‘only I can change how I respond to situations’ or whatever but my god can’t I just get a break from it every now and again?

I feel like there’s more anger coming through than anything else when in reality I’m just tired. I’m fucking angry too, but I’m just exhausted and I can barely get up in the morning let alone “look for the positives”. It’s a lot easier to say to people than it actually is to do sometimes.

Maybe it seems dramatic to some of you. Maybe it feels like I just want attention (to those who think that I say a big fuck you) but the only reason I’m even talking about it online is because this is the only thing I have the energy to do right now. I know that if I started talking about it in person I would actually lose it and scare everyone even more and I don’t want that so this is my solution. I am not physically capable of crying and breaking down in front of people in person because the shame of that feeling may actually destroy me. It’s hard enough facing people in person who’ve read this. No one has to read this. No one has to say anything but at least I can get things out of my head and put somewhere for a time. This is my temporary fix.

While I’m being honest, I just want to say that I know – I know I need help. I know I could make small changes. I know that being depressing and negative gets me no where and attracts no one – I know. But it’s all the more frustrating when the rational side of who you are knows those things and the irrational side has taken over and you can’t stop yourself from feeling or thinking a certain way. I know that the way to catch a boyfriend isn’t by telling the world how crazy I am but at the same time, do I even want someone who doesn’t know who I really I am? cuz this is it.  And it sucks even more when you know you’re letting everyone down while it happens, too.

I’m even questioning my faith which I know is upsetting like half the people in my life and would completely upset my aunt, but again – I can’t help it. How am I supposed to believe in an all powerful, healing God when I watched her faith remain strong and unyielding in every dark moment of suffering, just to watch her die in the end and not get the healing she’s promised? She spent her whole live devoted to God and what hope do I have if someone like her wasn’t able to beat cancer (or even got it in the first place).

On top of that – I just sit and think about how I have wasted SO . MUCH. TIME. Going to school for a career that literally threw me away when she was diagnosed. Spending years romanticizing a toxic relationship into something I believe resembled love when it was actually the complete opposite. Sacrificing my time and energy into all these things that just blew up in my face leaving me with nothing but time spent – all time I could have spent with my aunt.

Time I could have spent finding the right career that would have let me have balance or the right relationship that would have let me get married and have her officiate my wedding and see me walk down the aisle. Things that would let me get healthy enough to actually have a baby and have her with me in the delivery room to hold her the way she held me when I was born.

But I can’t go back. I can’t get any of that time back. And now she’s gone, and I am still alone. Still lost. Still depressed and still trying to make sense of what the hell it’s all supposed to mean. And I know that feeling this way and being this negative won’t further me to anything in the future – but I don’t even care right now. I can’t care. I have no energy left to care because it’s all spent. All of it.

I want to be the person everyone says they know I can be. But I honestly don’t know how. I appreciate everyone saying that I matter, or that I’ve left an impact on them somehow. It’s nice to hear. I think we don’t do enough of that until people are gone or hurting. We don’t tell them what they mean until it’s too late and I appreciate everyone who’s done that. I love you all so much and so deeply and I’m sorry that I’m not able to put that into words right now.

But I can’t pretend to not feel this way. I can’t pretend like I’m okay because I’m not. I can’t pretend like I want to go to a counselor because I don’t.

What I want, is to know what it feels like to be happy and not have to utilize medicine and therapy to get there for a change. What I want is to stop letting people down by feeling the way I do all the time. What I want is to sleep and wake up not feeling tired. What I want is to come home and have someone to share my life with. What I want is to have someone hug me and let me cry until I fall asleep and have that be okay.

Thanks for reading – Even when I don’t respond, I’m paying attention to what you say.

from WordPress https://rheyareads.wordpress.com/2019/04/10/cant-sleep/

Ep. #1: “Back Into the Groove of Things” - Scott

The cast was announced and both tribes started calls in their tribe chats.  Some early alliances started based on past relationships.  The first twist was that the tribes had to elect a Tribe Captain.  Regan took charge on Naicha demanding she be captain.  On Jinsei, they strategized about it for hours with Lydia using Sam and Scott to help make her Tribe Captain.  The first challenge was Winterbells and MJ lead Naicha to a hefty win.  After losing, The Alliance of Sam, Scott, and Lydia (The Three Muskequeers) tried to decide whether to vote out Austin or Catherine.  They decided to go with Cat due to her poor challenge performance and her connections on the other tribe. Connah figured it was him who was going home and ultimately self voted.

Tbh I’m really bored so I’m gonna make a pre-game confessional before the game starts. I really am excited to be back and playing my official last season of Tumblr Survivor (and ORG) ever. I want more than anything for this season to end on a good note, so I plan on giving it my all and hoping for the best. I think the timing for me to come back is especially perfect, mainly because in the past my personal life was mixing in with the ORGs and it got to the point where I had a big mental breakdown in front of the family dinner table. That’s why I took a break; I just had so much going on personally that I had to stop using ORGs as an escape from my problems and actually face them. It’s been about a year and a half since I was involved with ORGS and I’m really happy with the person that I am today and to say that I resolved most of my personal dilemmas that I had. There’s been so many seasons that I was considered for since Ancient Greece, but honestly the timing in my personal life didn’t work out and I would drop out in order to take care of myself (Easter Island, Sri Lanka, Generations [not 100% sure about this one], India, and Solomon Islands). This time the only conflict I may have is that I work night shift some nights, but lately I’ve been scheduled on day shifts so hopefully it stays like that so it doesn’t interfere with challenges and the game itself. But honestly I think I can work around it game wise plus many people talk during the day and late at night so it can benefit me. This season is actually really scary for me going into it mainly because I don’t know who to really expect. It’s an all-host season, so obviously it’s going to be all retuning players but I really haven’t been involved with this community in a long time. I could see a lot of familiar faces, or I could see a lot of newbies from the seasons I didn’t follow. I think I’m honestly going to be such a huge target coming back into the game. I say this mainly because lately I’ve noticed there’s a trend where guys who disappear for a long time and come back will end up winning (Jake B, Simon, Tommy, Stoner, and  Mitchell to name a few). So to be coming back after two years could put me in danger and others may see me as a threat, which is why I need to be extremely cautious. Plus I personally have a huge reputation that I refuse to destroy. Every time I’ve played I’ve never been pre-merge/pre-jury, and I don’t want to know what that feels like. Plus I haven’t played Tumblr Survivor in 2 years, and I know a lot has changed when it comes to the game format. Hopefully I can adapt to it quickly and be conscious the entire time. I’ve only spoken to like maybe 6 people from the community after Malaysia ended. I don’t really have anyone to possibly pregame an alliance with. The only reason why I applied is because Regan convinced me to and I spoke to Trevor about it to make sure it was legit. I know she applied, but if she’s cast I don’t think it would be in my best interest to keep her around (I’m sorry Regan I love you). I just feel like everyone would know how close we are and it would put a huge target on my back, or make it bigger along with everything else. I haven’t spoken to her about possibly being on this season, and I plan on keeping it that way. But other than her, I don’t know anyone who could possibly be on this season which could be a good thing or a bad thing for me. Good thing is that I’m a single person and if there’s a big group/pre-game then I can be a part of a group to go against the pre-game. However, if people are like “let’s go with the pre-game group over the individuals” than I could be screwed early on in the game and possibly be the first boot. Honestly my biggest fear is just being pre-merge and doing worse than ever in my Tumblr survivor career. Idk, maybe things can all work out for the best for me, I’m remaining optimistic about all of this and I really can’t wait to get back into the groove of things.

i literally wrote the saltiest jury speech ever towards lydia when we were in riau together and now she is on my tribe fjdkafjdskalfjkldjafdfs. we got along well enough in riau and in hindsight i definitely was way too salty towards her but hopefully no bad blood carries over from riau into this game.

Can't wait to be first boot

[2017-06-07 8:34:48 PM] Jessy: first impression? josh icon [2017-06-07 8:34:56 PM] Jessy: i feel like he's the only person getting invested in my convo. [2017-06-07 8:34:57 PM] Jessy: SKLJSLSJK [2017-06-07 8:35:17 PM] Trevor [Host of Hosts]: Am I gonna have to copy all this into a confessional or will you write one later :p [2017-06-07 8:35:23 PM] Jessy: i'll write one later [2017-06-07 8:36:04 PM] Trevor [Host of Hosts]: Thank you !

HI Trevor. It's your fave mom, Sam McCanada. Look at my son doing his momma proud 

i am god awful at winterbells.  i am god awful at every single flash game. this will be fun. the first night is always weird because i keep having tons of tiny conversations and they're all just small talk. everyone knows that these conversations are just small talk at the beginning of the game and yet we have these conversations anyway, fully well knowing that they mean almost nothing at this point. i feel like ive been out of the tumblr survivor community for so long that i am so disconnected from everyone here, and that immediately makes me feel like im in trouble. they all know each other so well, and while i know almost everyone here on a very basic level, i'm not particularly close with anyone here. ive played with a few people here before. in riau i essentially yelled at lydia in my jury speech and then proceeded to not vote for her in FTC. the one and only time i played with andrew, i voted him out. i'd like to think that feelings from previous games dont carry over, but i know that they do for some people. i don't know. i dont feel safe. 

why is connor so impulsive? i love the kid but 5 minutes into the game i'm already in an alliance with him and drew when drew and i haven't even talked yet sjhfsdkjfa. More detailed confessional later~

[2017-06-07 9:11:49 PM] Jessy: NO ONE IS talking to me. [2017-06-07 9:11:52 PM] Jessy: Can't wait to be on the bottom [2017-06-07 9:43:24 PM] Jessy: i like josh.. [2017-06-07 9:43:30 PM] Jessy: regan rlly tried me.. [2017-06-07 9:43:35 PM] Jessy: mj is a snake... [2017-06-07 9:43:38 PM] Jessy: matt is a snake... [2017-06-07 9:43:52 PM] Jessy: connor seems like a person who's gna be in a good position... [2017-06-07 9:44:08 PM] Jessy: allison and i idk her yet that well [2017-06-07 9:44:18 PM] Jessy: drew idk her yet that well [2017-06-07 9:44:18 PM] Jessy: KLSSJKL [2017-06-07 9:44:20 PM] Jessy: *him. [2017-06-07 9:44:31 PM] Trevor [Host of Hosts]: Lol [2017-06-08 1:26:44 PM] Jessy: i just wanna make an alliance that can watch shit on rabbit and have a fun time. [2017-06-08 2:35:32 PM] Jessy: regan wants a girls alliance [2017-06-08 2:35:34 PM] Jessy: BKLMSLKMFSDKLM [2017-06-08 2:38:45 PM] Jessy: its a concept yeah. [2017-06-08 2:57:07 PM] Jessy: im just tryna be utr. [2017-06-08 2:57:14 PM] Jessy: wide the waves. [2017-06-08 2:57:23 PM] Jessy: find my crew and watch tv shows on rabbit. [2017-06-08 2:57:48 PM] Jessy: mi opciones es no grande :/

Hey I'm back who wants to see me get 12th again??????? Or worse. BUT YEAH. I'M FUCKING BACK IN A MAIN SEASON YA'LL. Third times the charm I guess, but honestly I'm so scared. Pumped, but scared. This is - like I said - third time playing, and my first 2 times I got 12th. So fuck me in the ass amirite? Like, if I get 12th or worse I'll probably casually go into a major depressive episode for a little bit. So I have a LOT riding on these first impressions. First impressions are everything, and I don't really know these people very well? So it is VITAL to me if I even want to have a game in this mess to have a good social game right off the bat. And everyone seems cool at the moment? I'm just nervous about preexisting relationships and all that jazz and mumbo jumbo. I mean, I am the newest person on the tribe I think in terms of how long I've been here? In fact, I think only person younger to the community in this game than me is Connor Wubbenndjfm on the other tribe. Preexisting relationships are just scary. Like, I was on the call tonight with a few of the people. And they were all nice! But I kinda felt like a high schooler volunteering at an old person's home. ASDFGHJK I'm SORRY OKAY it's just that literally everyone was sharing war stories of like 2 plus years ago and I've been here for a year and a half so. Not a lot I could have contributed! But like I said, everyone seems cool. For not at least. And that's what I like. Keep the discourse at a minimum for the time being please! But yeah I guess if I had to give a quick opinion on everyone just from tonight: Scott: Super cool! Very easy to talk to. Bonded over our love for Isaac McDicksucc. I'm hoping he's not just doing some "be this social to everyone thing" and actually found a better-than-average connection with me because if so, I would like to work with him. David Robb: Person I actually know! Hosted me in TAR and shit and I've voted him out of a side. But I'm hoping we can work together? At least for now. I know I'm gonna sound hypocritical, but I feel like this is the only preexisting relationship I might need. I probably know the least amount of people here so gimme a break okay? Bitches... Sam McCanada: Cool girl! Remembered watching her host Transylvania. Know she's done super good and has slayed in CYS which is super threatening because I've heard that's a hard as ORG. If she tries to be the controlling type then it'd be best to be with her as opposed to against her - at least for premerge. Connah: He seems chill. He was on the call but didn't talk much and we kinda talked RRN. I know he's close to Lydia and MJ so I gotta watch out for that. If we go to tribal first I would go for him or Lydia only if someone voiced wanting to break up potential alliances first. Other than that I wanna keep my head down. Lydia: Same alliance type deal word vomit thing I just said above. But she seemed nice even though I only talked to her for a little. I'll try talking to her more tomorrow to feel things out. Austin: GOOD. BYE. I do NOT want to play with Austin Trevino. No sir. Goodbye Spongebob goodbye goodbye. Like he's a damn mess to play with and to watch play. He quit a side premerge the second things weren't going his way. And I know he's gonna try kissing my ass and kiss up to everyone and think he has this AMAZING social game. Like... no... sweety... no. But ya know what? Seemingly easy first boot cannon fodder. If need be. Catherine: Yay! Honestly love Cat. She won my first ever ORG (a side) a year and a half ago and I got 6/24 there so I spent a lot of time with her there. But then she kinda died? But now she's back! Out of herself, Austin, and Lydia - she didn't have an excuse for not being around. Idk how social she'll be but I wanna at least have her for myself. Okay whew. Other than all this nonsensical shit I just typed above, there's the other tribe which I can go more in depth about a little later once I sleep and process everything. Drew? Love him but farewell. Regan? Other tribe's Austin. Matt fucking Summers? I gtg suddenly. MJ? Could kill me but I wanna kill him first. Allison? My mom and one of my best friends but tbh this isn't Pacific Islands and I'll vote her out if I have to. Etc. Etc. There was Conner Wubben who's cool but I don't really know. 2 others I can't remember right now asdfghj oops. Oh we also have a challenge and I suck at desktop Winterbells so there's that too. If we coulda used the mobile app well :~) that woulda been fun. But Trevor apparently hates fun and friendship. Oh yeah and fuck this twist. It's 2:30 am and I'm tired and I'll talk more in a video confessional tomorrow so gnight and wish my flop ass luck because I'll need a little if I wanna get past that 12th placement hehe. *Takes a shot or 4*

I'm back for my 3rd go, and I feel as though I have a lot to prove not only to myself but to the community as well. It's been well over a year since I last played Tumblr Survivor, and I do think I've grown a lot as a game player. Coming into this season, I felt flattered by the shape and size this cast has been brought about. I'm standing here with castaways from All-Stars, multiple winners, and well-known players all in the same season. To me, this is both a curse and a blessing. A blessing because I'm the unknown of this season. The wildcard if that. I'm here coming off a mess that I played in Bhutan, and a lackluster performance in R&R. Not many people know my gameplay or how I evolved into what has become my playstyle. A lot of these players are "Old School" (characterized by the grouping from Generations), and I'm not well known inside the community. The curse for me this season comes with the realization of outside bonds formed from the casts' older seasons. These people know each other. They know how they play, and in order for me to win with the likes of Summers and MJ playing then I'm going to need to play to the absolute best of my ability. I need to play a game that is true to myself that can only represent why I, Austin Trevino, am the best possible outcome for a winner this season. Something I know I'm weak on is my social gameplay. For me, this season, I need to overhaul my playstyle to focus my strategic game SOLEY on my social gameplay. Play smart, not hard. I need to realize that I'm in this for 39 days, and not just round by round. My physical gameplay is lackluster at that, so I need to be able to make up for it by spreading awareness to my tribemates as to why I am an ideal candidate in benefiting their game. In doing so, I've already worked to the best of my ability to find 1 thing I can use as a reminder that I'm not some "nobody" they've never met before. So far I've reached out to the entire tribe and connected with each of them on the following: Andrew - We played Comoros together. I've also been talking to him about some Solomon reps for Cutthroat, but he is someone I genuinely like. I need to go deeper in getting to know HIM as a person, but I do believe he is someone I would like to work with in the future. Him and I are both pre-merge flops, so I do think we can see eye-to-eye in allowing ourselves that window of opportunity to take over. Scott - Scott is nice, supportive, and relatable. He is someone that is coming back into these ORGs for the first time in a long while, and I do think I can relate to him in the fact that this is something we haven't done in a while. He's going back to school to major in psychology because he wants to become a school psychologist. I've taken AP Psych in high school (LOL), so I do see myself working a friendship over with him through various small talks which could transform into something larger. Lydia - Lydia doesn't remember this all too well, but we played Storybook: Neverland together. She knows how willing I was to give my game for her and be loyal, so I do think she is someone that would gladly look to keep me. I reminded her of all this when I brought up voting out Jordan Pines on Jordan Pines Day. She's smart, and no one can deny that. Her placements are BY FAR the best average placements in this entire cast. It's threatening to see her on this season, but it's comforting to know that I can bring up a fond moment from a past game in order to share my expression of loyalty towards a person. David - David and the entire cast of BBHell2 hated my gameplay. That was 2 years ago, however. David knows and called me out on my horrific social gameplay in jury, so I need to prove to David that my social gameplay isn't an issue anymore. To start, I brought up some things about David's job as a cashier and found a way to relate to his job with mine (I'm a cashier as well). I think it really shows a lot when, after 2 years, you can remember something about someone even when they criticized your social gameplay. (See, I do listen to people >.>). I like David. Connah - Literally he was my host for R&R, so I immediately had something to open up with. I didn't last long in R&R, so the window of opportunity is wide open when it comes to establishing something. Cat - OK LITERALLY I LOVE HER, JOSH, AND CONNOR (who are all in this game and I need to immediately make a mental note that they're a trio in my books), BECAUSE THEY ALL HOSTED ME IN PERU AND THAT SEASON SUCKED BUT THEY WERE LIT. Cat hasn't been around all that much for me to talk to (or maybe I'm being ignored?), but I do hope to connect with her again by bringing up Peru and some friends we do have in common. Sam - Sam I've probably spoken to the most. She's "fresh" off of an Okinawa victory, and I do see myself trusting her. I voted for her as tribe captain and I would definitely like to see her place some level of trust in me. I just find it easier to talk to her over most others. I like Sam. This season I need to prove to myself that I can outlast the 3rd tribal council. Both seasons I've played have seen me voted out then. I can't OVERPLAY. Building relationships is what matters most here. As for the twist(s) of the season, I do think it's bittersweet. Trevor has turned this into a hunger games for Hosts. We created our own Weapons of Murder. I don't see this turning into a Redemption Island season with a cast of 16, so I do think this season is going to be idol heavy in terms of the various idols. Most of these hosts have held their unique idol twists, so when idol searching does come about, I need to be on the lookout for anything and everything imaginable.

im in a super weird position here because im super close with connor and josh on the other tribe. the thing that makes it an awkward position is that EVERYONE knows how close we are. we started our own survivor platform together and we're currently on the hosting chart for another main season. connor, josh, and i literally hosted austin in a season together. i definitely know that i'm a target because of this. the votes for tribe captain are due in 15 minutes and no one has talked to me about it. im just going to vote for some random person and hope that its with the majority, however i (ONCE AGAIN) dont feel safe.

i'm trying to stay on the down low but i don't know if that's helping me or hurting me. on the one hand, it helps because it keeps me out of the spotlight a bit. but on the other, it might hurt because i might not be bonding with people as much as i could be. fjdksaljfdsaklj i dont know what's happening

i love jake gyllenhaal

So, things are going kind of well, I think. First off, Josh and I are together, which is great, but Cat is alone on blue. Frankly, out of the three of us, Cat being alone was worse case scenario. I knew if I was alone that I would have been able to finagle my way into things and build relationships because the game I play is very social. Cat says that talking to people is a chore. So.... rip cat? I know Drew and Josh very well going into this game, MJ fairly well as he hosted me in RnR and Palawan, and Regan was technically in RnR with me and we played a storybook season together. Im also fairly good friends with Matt, so I definitly think there is room for me to pull some strings and get some control over this mess before it turns around too quick and gets me. Regan being tribe leader is good for me I think. She's very easily influenced, or she has been in the past, and I think she will be good for my game as long as she doesn't pull a Regan and do something crazy. And lets be real, we all know she will. Drew, Josh, and I do have an alliance, although there has been little to no talk in that chat. Rip. Also, Drew probably knows that if it were a f2 and it came down to the three of us, Josh and I would choose each other, so I need to do some work there to make him feel more comfortable in that three than he is now. I love Allison. Day 1 there was a tribe call and it ended up just being the two of us, and we watched a performance of Hamilton we did for show choir, and she is SO fun. I like her A LOT. Jessy? I like because she likes my dog. That's really all I have to say about her right now, yikes.

Me, looking at the wiki for the first time since premiere night: who the FUCK is Jessy???????

Well I’m really bored right now waiting for a call to happen so I better start one of these. I’m really happy to be back here and I like the tribe. Sam and I spoke on the first minute of the game and reconnected due to previous relationship. I like her and definitely want to work far. I don’t think it’s in my best interest to go all the way with her but I think it’s a smart idea to keep her around for the current moment. She wanted to make an alliance between Lydia and us and I was okay because I find Lydia to be quite comical. We spoke on who could possibly be the tribe captain and Lydia agreed she would. I think working with Sam and Lydia short term is ideal mainly because they both have gone far in multiple seasons and know how to do it, so sticking with them can benefit me significantly. I consider them to be my #1 alliance for now just because I usually respect the first alliance I ever make. I also have a good relationship with Andrew. The two of us talked and agreed we would work together. I want him to do well in this game just because he’s never made merge (and I think hes really cute rip) and I think he would be someone to benefit me as an easy #1 ally. I’m not sure what long term plans are but all I know is I want him around and I will riot to whomever to ensure he stays. David I like as well. We both spoke and agreed we don’t want the other to be the first boot. Sam and Lydia seem to really like him so we know he can be the easy #4 to our alliance. The only people I’m not really aligned with so far are Austin, Catherine, and Connor, and ideally I want one of the three to be the first boot when we lose because MJ is too good at winterbells for us to possibly win. Austin kinda annoys me so far just because he reaches out to me every single day. And like I know hes been doing the same to others just by communicating with them and I find that to be messy. Like its one thing to talk to people once in a while, but to do so every day like that is a bit sketchy. And like he hasn’t even talked game with me, it’s all just personal talk. Which is nice, but I don’t want to be the first to talk game with everyone because it makes me a threat. Catherine I only spoke to once because I messaged her. We talked about her flopping in Galapagos. I know she has a relationship with Josh so she could be an easy boot, but at the same time that connection could help long term. As for Connor, I personally think he shouldn’t be here.  He’s going through a lot personally losing someone close to him and I think he should take time off to grieve and stuff. But I can’t make that decision for him. Other than that, he hasn’t reached out to me so idk how to feel about him. A plus to aligning with Sam and Lydia so early on is that Lydia gave me the idol map for being the captain. I felt obligated to share it with them because I couldn’t lie and be like “Oh Lydia gave me this” early on. So now we’re all hunting for the idol. During this idol hunt I found the Amulet of Abduction. I plan on keeping this for the swap, that way if im in the minority I can get an alliance member over to my side and either screw their game over or regain majority on my tribe. But the Amulet stays to myself for now. And because we lost immunity, I gotta discuss the vote. So far I am loyal to Lydia and Sam, and I can get Andrew to do whatever Lydia, Sam, and I want to do. And they like David so I’m sure I can convince them to vote out one of the three ppl I haven’t spoken to. But yeah, I’ll update this later tonight cause I can’t flop playing for my first time in two years. It’s game on bitches, and I’m ready to play.

literally no one talks in this game and im so annoyed cause we lost the challenge and these people are acting like nothing even happened... oh well, hopefully i dont become the first boot cause my paranoia is getting me. like its really odd that no one is talking. in Ancient Greece no one really spoke to me, and i found out i was in the minority after that season ended. The only reason why i got far was because we ended up not losing challenges until swap and we just lost our first challenge so i hope it isnt me. i can't varner my ass out of this game cause its been 2 years and i just wanna play but no one wants to play which sucks!!!

So I'm gay and this tribe is a bunch of mutes. Basically I was on a call with Scott that ended up being 2 and a half hours? And now we're supposedly closest allies. Which is fun! Scott is really cool and I really AM hoping I'm his closest ally and he's not just pulling generic social game bullshit. But we also talked about the vote and he said Austin's name first. Not me! So I really want Austin to go home because he's a shady fuck. Like... Okay so he keeps talking about all of this shit that comes off as so fake. He says we have to break our curses and I'm like what's this "we" you heterosexual potato. Like he ain't good at these games and if he stays over me? I riot the streets. So yeah I talked to Sam a bit too and she - like Scott - told me I'm the person she's talking to the most. Which! Might be a lie. But ya know what I'll run with it. I'm also making a point to talk to Cat on the side because I love Cat and if she's not being super social then I wanna make a point to talk to her. My talks with David and Lydia are kinda spotty, and then I don't talk to Connor much. But he is going through some personal things right now and I hope he's okay so I'll obviously let him deal with that. Personal things prioritize these games for sure. TL;DR - I want to kick Austin's ass back to str8 lakes where it belongs. Just as long as I'm not the person bringing up his name first :~)

[2017-06-08 6:37:55 PM] Trevor [Host of Hosts]: What is happening [2017-06-08 6:38:04 PM] Jessy: LITERALLY NOTHING WHICH IS WHY I'M SHOOK!! [2017-06-08 6:38:21 PM] Jessy: matt and i had a convo and he told me about regan giving him the advantage [2017-06-08 6:38:25 PM] Jessy: and i lied and acted like she didnt give it to me either [2017-06-08 6:38:32 PM] Jessy: and now im scared regan told him i got it too [2017-06-08 6:38:37 PM] Jessy: [6:02:22 PM] Jessy: hi [6:02:25 PM] Jessy: matt told me that [6:02:35 PM] Jessy: you gave him an advantage LKJBLKMASDLFKM and he shared the clue with me [6:02:41 PM] Jessy: i dont think he told anyone else tho so its not a big deal but [6:02:51 PM] Jessy: i want him to propose a f3 to u tonight w us [6:31:05 PM] Regan: Omg [6:31:10 PM] Regan: He said he guessed r [6:31:12 PM] Regan: And got it wrong [6:31:31 PM] Jessy: same [6:31:32 PM] Jessy: KLJSJKLS [6:31:45 PM] Jessy: can we pls f3 tbh [6:32:36 PM] Jessy: he doesnt know that i got the clues too right [6:32:36 PM] Jessy: SKLJSJKL [2017-06-08 6:38:59 PM] Jessy: i saw her go away and online within a min [2017-06-08 6:39:01 PM] Jessy: SO LIKE IM SHOOK SIS REPLY! [2017-06-08 6:39:15 PM] Trevor [Host of Hosts]: I love receipts [2017-06-08 6:39:39 PM] Jessy: if nothing is actually happening this is proof of my paranoia [2017-06-08 6:39:40 PM] Jessy: LSKJKLSJ

they're gonna vote me out first and it's so extremely obvious. how are these people considered all stars of the game when they make it so ridiculously obvious who they're voting for???

[2017-06-10 1:55:26 AM] Jessy: btw mj will be first boot on this tribe [2017-06-10 1:55:27 AM] Jessy: know tht [2017-06-10 1:55:52 AM] Jessy: im not letting mj connor josh catherine go far. [2017-06-10 1:56:23 AM] Jessy: oh nd lydia [2017-06-10 2:34:50 AM] Jessy: r u gna make an edgic [2017-06-10 2:35:56 AM] Trevor [Host of Hosts]: I am, yes [2017-06-10 2:38:14 AM] Jessy: when im ottn>

Ok, so I think I proved my social game to be effective. This tribe is VERY quiet. No one is talking, and if they are it's very forced. Lydia kind of baited me into giving a name, but with that came no repercussions. Honestly, me name dropping Cat has spiraled into a FAST frenzy of game talk. It seems like Lydia spread it quick, so I do know now that she's taking full advantage of the trust our tribe has in her. David pointed out that he heard a Connah name drop, but I haven't heard that? I don't know if Lydia gave him that name or if someone else did, but I do enjoy knowing that there are 2 people my tribe sees as disposable over me. It's kind of nice not having to work my ass off to keep my name out of others' mouths. The social game isn't all that bad.

Fuck MJ and winterbells

So update after the first late night fiasco Lydia, Sam, and I agreed on Catherine as a target. I was okay with this just because she really hasn't approached me (or anyone) and hasn't made an effort to really want to play this game. We only spoke once (I reached out to her) and all we spoke about was how she flopped at Galapagos. Oh well, hopefully she actually goes tonight. As for how this game is going, I think I am in a good position. I think one thing I need to watch out for is how close David and Sam are. I need to keep Andrew close to me, and I think he is going to be a huge help to me. So far he's been trusting in informing me on whats going on. I am worried since Sam and Lydia contemplated sending him home first. Now as awful as this may sound, I think its best for my game to keep Austin close to me too. Even though I see him doing lots of damage since hes kinda on the outs, keeping him close to me and making him think he controls me is ideal for me. Just as long as he doesn't catch on to this all should be good... right? I'm definitely not as worried about the vote, however I think I need to try and get a sub-group going with people that aren't Sam and Lydia so that way if they become a sinking ship I have other lifeboats getting me out of heavy waters. I want to solidify something with David and Andrew, but part of me worries he will tell Sam and she'll think I'm trying to go against (plz say this in her Canadian accent) her. I think I can do well this season, just gotta hope someone's dumb twist doesn't screw me over

I'm stress eating Dairy Queen and I guess the vote is Cat idk why it wasn't Austin but whatever I just don't want it to be me thank you and goodnight

Catherine and Connor never spoke to me about the vote and the vibe at camp is really sketchy so if i leave tonght rip me... but i had a good time and it was fun. Hopefully this isn't my last confessional

[2017-06-10 6:17:56 PM] Jessy: dw im gna send the most iconic conf ever! [2017-06-10 9:11:40 PM] Jessy: oh fuck i need to write it [2017-06-10 9:11:40 PM] Jessy: KLBVKLMSADFMKLDS [2017-06-10 9:11:52 PM] Jessy: if i submit it and someone already left can it still be counted for ep 1 [2017-06-10 9:16:34 PM] Trevor [Host of Hosts]: Submit it quick :|