#renegade retreat
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The Renegade Retreat may have been over 6 months ago but I've still a pile of photos from it that I enjoy admiring every now and then. Here's a selection of macro shots of sparrowsaurus's works that I was lucky enough to play with. Delightful company & quality binder-- all that 'working at a tiny scale' for jewelry seems to translate well!!
#macro mondays#not my art#renegade retreat#the tidiness of those headbands and hinges just gives me warm fuzzy feelings#love all the textures I captured here but you gotta' expand to full size-- Tumblr column width/mobile just doesn't do them justice#bookbinding
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౨ৎ˚₊✩‧₊ Cherry’s Cevans Series Rec List
thought i’d make a list of all the best cevans (characters) series i have read!! i have lots more to add and will continue to update this list🫶🏻 i will also create a one shot fic rec list in the near future💖💘💞
Preying On You Tonight - @evansbby
“Steve is the cocky, brash and domineering alpha who makes your life at university a living hell every day. You’re the complete opposite - quiet, meek and reserved. You’re convinced Steve hates you, but what happens when he finds out you have a boyfriend? (a/b/o dynamics)”
Wicked Games - @evansbby
Ari is the campus fuckboy and you’re his little plaything. But he’s telling the truth when he says he’s going to make you his girlfriend soon, right?
What A World - @onsunnyside
S.H.I.E.L.D. had a lot of secrets, you just never expected one of them to be an actual person—a blue-eyed giant, wild manbeast at that. [tarzan!Steve Rogers x doctor!reader, nomad!steve, size difference]
Just Because I Won’t Die For You, Doesn’t Mean I Won’t Kill For You - @dbnightingale24
Lloyd Hansen is just another job for you. Your last job. However, when he decides that he wants to take you for a ride and have a good time, well...how’s a girl supposed to say no?
Closer To Heaven And Closer To You - @georgiapeach30513
When your boyfriend, Ransom wants to take a trip back home to the ranch to meet your family, you are unsure. Knowing that a rodeo is in town could only mean your ex, Frank Adler, was most likely riding for eight seconds, still trying to beat his best friend, Steve Rogers. All you wanted was a nice time, not old memories bothering your brain.
Just Like The Caged Bird - @georgiapeach30513
You are a widow who moves back to her husband's hometown after selling your in Georgia home. Moving in above your brother in law's garage. Sharing the space with his friend Bucky Barnes, but your other brother-in-law Andy causes problems, along with your overprotective brothers.
Pretty Petals - @darkficsyouneveraskedfor
You go on a self-improvement retreat, but not all is as it seems. (multi-character)
His Koala Bear - @kinanabinks
you and steve have been best friends since you were 5. for the longest time, he has wanted so much more from you. and it's getting harder for him to stop himself from taking it.
Belong Here - @angrythingstarlight
Steve has been looking for his perfect girl and suddenly there you are stuck in this dingy restaurant. You don't belong here, you belong with him.
Finding Home - @navybrat817
Steve finds a home with you. (lumberjack Au)
Their Doll - @kaiparker-avengerssmut
y/n Stark, all records of her non existent, and yet Hydra still find her. When she is kidnapped by a certain super-soldier and no one believes her, she finds herself searching for unexpected familiarity in her not-so-distant past.
No Better Than Beast’s - @lokislastlove
You’re an animal rights activist who sets out to put an end to animal testing… but it’s a risky mission. (Dark!Steve Rogers)
Doppelgänger - @boxofbonesfic
Your husband’s twin brother has always made you uncomfortable, and after two years of marriage, you finally find out why. (Dark!Ransom Drysdale + Dark!Lloyd Hansen)
Million Dollar Man - @chrisevansgoodgirl
your relationship with ransom and his insane family.
Brooklyn’s Sweetheart - @spacesnail3000
Bucky and Steve had always been meant to keep her safe and happy. As far as anyone else was concerned, that was their sole reason for being alive. Unfortunately, the things that kept her safe were not always the things that kept her happy. Lately, she was making it pretty damn hard for them to compromise.
Let It Snow - @spacesnail3000
She was his Omega, and Steve had a plan. She would love him. He knew she would.
Sweet Renegade - @cevansbrat0007
A new arrival in town leads to an unexpected complication in the form of a sexy as sin Bounty Hunter named Ari Levinson.
Evergreen, Evermore - @babyjakes
loving husbands jake and ari had always believed they were all each other could ever want or need. but one unusual summer, when their world is turned upside-down by an uncanny girl from down the street, they find that having someone to love, nurture, and care for together is the missing piece that finally completes their perfect family and lives.
A Huckleberry Is Nothing Without His Hummingbird - @dbnightingale24
Lloyd and Y/N have been amicably(ish) divorced for four years. However, when earth shattering trauma come their way, will they lean into what they truly want, or will the flames from past traumas still burn too bright?
Civil war- Brooklyn - @saiyanprincessswanie
Ten years ago the Readers world was turned upside down when her father was killed by Hydras Brock Rumlow. She believes the loves of her life Steve Rogers and James “Bucky” Barnes were also killed while trying to avenge her fathers death. Reader is now working for the FBI on a task force that is meant to take down Hydra. She volunteers to go undercover to take down Hydra. In doing so she not only puts herself in the cross hairs with Rumlow but she gets to meet the mystery men causing Hydra issues. Who are the Captain and Winter Soldier? What lengths will you go through to uncover the truth and seek revenge?
The Boston Brute - @time-for-a-lullaby
When you graduated from Northeastern University, you had your sights set on the West Coast. And then you were offered a position with the Boston Bruins Athletic Training Department. And then you met Chris. A 6′3″, ruggedly handsome hockey player dead set on making your life a living hell by pushing every button and getting on every nerve. Despite your obvious disdain for each other and the ‘No Fraternization’ clause in your employee contract, you’re drawn together in a passionate, fiery love affair that seems to burn everything in its wake.
Planet Evans Universe - @astranva
In which Chris was a nervous mess when he met his A+ list celebrity crush, highest-paid, and the most iconic actress, you, at Vanity Fair’s 2014 after party. (Following the life of overprotective!dad!Chris x wife!actress!reader!)
Don’t Speak - @darkficsyouneveraskedfor
Reader is a reclusive loner who ventures down to the library on a simple mission. Her task is complicated by the man she meets there. (Dark!Andy Barber)
Cat and Mouse - @queen-of-the-avengers
You’re called the Vixen because you were HYDRA’s favorite creation. You’re very hard to catch, and once you are, it’s even harder to keep you.
Let’s Ride - @starryevermore
You’re a single mom and have just moved into a new town. You have no interest in looking for love, but the funny thing about love is, it waits for no one. (Biker!Ari Levinson)
Out Of The Darkness - @sunshinexsin
Sienna Jons has lived in Boston for three years now after graduating and is running her own salon in the city. With a small group of friends sticking by her side, she's content with her life. Enter Chris Evans, a known and feared mob boss in Boston’s underground crime world. Coming out of a long relationship ended in a bitter divorce, Chris isn’t looking for anything serious until Sienna crosses his path. Trying to win her over proves difficult for the man who seemingly has it all and Sienna is not willing to be with someone who causes such destruction in his own hometown. Sienna soon finds herself entangled in the crazy, violent world of the mob and struggles to find a way to either live with the hardened man Chris has always been or get away from him before her own life spirals out of control.
Murder He Wrote - @wiypt-writes
You’re sent by your asshole boss to do a review of a Celebrity Host Haunted Mansion, hosted by none-other than the arrogant, wild-eye browed actor Lucas Lee, but you’re worried you’ve missed the boat…that is, until at the last minute, an email arrives to say they can let you in on the last admission that night, which just happens to be Halloween. (Dark!Ransom Drysdale)
Poison Paradise - @the-iceni-bitch
Robert Pronge was sure he could settle for a fake domestic life as long as he could go on killing. Little did he know that you could give him everything he needed.
A Bun In The Oven - @witchywithwhiskey
the leaves are changing—green fading into golden yellow, burnt orange and radiant red—and the days are getting shorter and colder as autumn settles in. it's the perfect time of year for baked goods, fall foliage, book stores, and to curl up next to (and get under) our favorite man with a plan, steve rogers
Wilford’s Demands - @sweater-daddiesdumbdork
Wilford places you in Curtis’ care so he can impregnate you.
In The Balance - @goodgirlofglory
One unsuspecting evening, the stranger Steve Rogers appears bloodied and in need of aid at your doorstep. You immediately catch his eye, and he forces himself upon you within the hour. Several months of repeated visits from him results in your pregnancy, and the night you find out, Steve intereceps you on your way to an abortion clinic and kidnaps you to his mansion. Will you carry the child to term? Will you buckle under the pressure of capitivity? Will you escape the grasp Steve has on you, or will you submit to it and your own, conflicted desires?
Drowning Siren - @rogerswifesblog
The Avengers found an old abandoned HYDRA base, that had been cleared after HYDRAs existence had been exposed. At least they thought it was cleared. It was the biggest experimental lab they had ever seen, the closest base to the ocean, full with creatures-dead creatures. Some of them laid still on tables, stripped with metal cuffs, open and already rotting. It was an awful smell. But then they heard something beautiful. A melody, a beautiful voice singing unbelievably gentle sounds. Walking into the building full with ocean creatures, they had no idea their life was about to change.
Vampire Kings Religion - @marvelcriminalhoe
In a world where fantasy beings roam every corner, the humans are on the bottom. Looked at as weak and disgraceful. The vampires are the opposite. They rule the land, and all of the creatures that take part of it. the current ruler, King Steven, has ruled for more than 150 years, alone. After many nights, and long talks with his most trusted hands, he comes to the long awaited decision that he will finally, take a wife. All female creatures, are to be evaluated, so he can find his perfect match. Of course, no one expects for him to choose a human. Especially not one from the church. Especially not the daughter, of the leader, of the church. The same church that detests the mythical creatures, wishing for nothing more than for them to perish in fire. How could this union possibly end well?
Ride And Prejudice - @pagesoflauren
A take on Pride & Prejudice, certain circumstances in your life have led you to take refuge and work in a farm village, particularly on the ranch owned by Steve Rogers. He doesn’t take kindly to you, having bad perceptions about city folk. Your only reaction to that is the one you deem acceptable: get annoyed at every little thing he does whilst doing your best to annoy him and still keep your job.
Love On The Brain - @howardpotts
You’re just a student, living her normal daily life in New York. One night changes everything, without you even knowing. Steve Rogers slowly introduces you to his world full of money, drugs and voilence. But are you able to handle what he has to offer? (MobBoss!Steve Rogers)
Flamingo King - @onsunnyside
The sun is brutal this summer, especially in Flamingo Trailer Park, the land of big hearts and cheap tricks, you’ve been here for years unlike your “new” neighbour, Ari. He’s older, bigger, and intimidating, the local rockstar, and you, well, aren’t you just the sweetest girl in the whole damn city?
Make It A December To Remember - @imyourbratzdoll
AGE AND SIZE DIFFERENCE IS ADDED TO ALL! SANTA AND THE GRINCH ARE LARGER THAN THE READER! THE ELVES ARE THE SIZE OF HER PALM! (a chris evans xmas universe)
This Love Is Bad - @wildestdreamsblog
You were just trying to escape your past, and Ari was trying to chase his future.
Nowhere To Run - @sagechanoafterdark
On the last day that Steve spent in your small town before heading off to basic training for the army, he made sure it was one you wouldn’t ever forget. Years later when he appears in your town he seems like a changed man in more ways than one, but you’re ready to show him that you’ve never forgotten that day. (Dark!Steve Rogers+ Bucky Barnes)
Nice To Be Kneaded - @rogersideup
Almost every news station in the country was covering the chase for the missing superheroes post-raft-escape following the Civil War. Steve Rogers face had been plastered on the cover of every news paper, fliers stapled to street lamps, posted on bulletin boards in what felt like every coffee shop in the country. It had been just a few long months shy of a year, just long enough to grow out his hair and beard to make himself as unrecognizable as he could manage. Though he was still the poster boy of disorder within the states, he found himself in the scanty town of Greenwood in the house right next to yours.
Forever And Ever More - @syntheticavenger
Ransom Drysdale may be Boston’s most eligible Alpha who has his eyes set on you. With his inheritance hanging in the balance, he won’t take no for an answer, whether you like him or not.
Hackers Heart - @bakugousaysdie
steve rogers has always been america’s golden boy, leading earth’s mightiest heroes and serving his country. you have always been bad with boundaries, a little too curious, and an absolute disruption. you are an absolute menace,so it’s only right you fell in love with the most adored man in the country.
Arranged - @time-for-a-lullaby
Living in this life, you’ve never gotten to have much say in anything. What you wear, who you hang out with, and now, who you marry and you’re dreading your arranged marriage to the Italian mob boss, Chris Evans. Expecting to suffer through a life of abuse while being kept under lock and key, you’re pleasantly surprised when Chris is nothing like you expected. He’s the most feared man on the East Coast, only brought to his knees by one thing and one thing only. You.
#chxrrys fic recs#chxrrys masterlist#chris evans#chris evans smut#chris evans x reader#steve rogers#ransom drysdale#lloyd hansen#andy barber#ari levinson#chris evans fic recs#steve rogers fic recs
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Now that her surprise copy has arrived, I can finally post pics of @moorishflower's beautiful Here there be dragons! :3
This fic is so wonderfully imaginative and huge in scale, both on an emotional and a physical level! It made me ache reading it--yanno that feeling you get staring at the sea? That! In keeping with the scifi genre and its themes of exploration, I went for a "futuristic spaceship but also old maps" vibe and used some pretty starmap scrapbook paper + shiny silver bookcloth for the case. And since there's some good ol' homoerotic cannibalism in the fic, some nice pops of red on the title cards and the painted edges :3
Endpapers were hand marbled by me at Renegade Retreat earlier this year! Here's a better photo of em bc I couldn't decide which lighting I liked better lolll:
Thank you so much for letting me bind your work, Heather!! I'm so happy to have more of your writing on my shelf <333
#the sandman#dreamling#dream of the endless#hob gadling#bookbinding#fanbinding#ficbinding#Moorishflower#Here there be dragons
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Setting: The Kingdom of Xophena, Realm of the Pure
Though it is famed the world over for the piety of its people and the bravery of its knights, this kingdom holds a dark secret at its heart. If you were to see the scattering of fortress cities surrounded by horror haunted wilderness it would be all too easy to believe the legends: brave warriors sallying forth to do battle against the corruption that besieges them from all sides, slaying great foes and making great sacrifices in the name of defending the innocent. If you looked closer though you would see Xophena for all its faults, the fear by which its elite drive and dominate its populace, a tradition of martial glory that justifies any action or abuse of the warrior caste, a population forced to endure toil and abject subjugation or be exiled outside the walls.
Adventure Hooks:
While travelling through the realm of the pure as part of an ongoing quest, the party run into a retinue of outrider knights on their way to destroy a rampaging aberration hiding out in a gold mine. Some of the knights scoff at the party for being common sellswords, while others recognize them as fellow doogooders-at-arms. There's glory to be had if the party join them in their mission, and more importantly, potential reward and bragging rights.... if they can keep up, the mounted cavaliers aren't going to slow down on the party's behalf.
Xophen emissaries have made an appearance in the party's homeland, courting alliances, making trade deals, and generally putting their finger on the scales of power. Distrustful of too many good offers, the party's patron is planning on a visit to Xophena in the near future and would like them to come along as extra sets of eyes and ears. Renegade heroes have a habit of seeing through the haze of political bullshit.
Xophena would make a fascinating backdrop for a campaign, as Arthurian myth crashes into lovecraftian weirdness. The best place to start would be with the party as castoffs and exiles, eking out a living in one of the few hidden hamlets built by those outcast from the social order. How do they survive? When circumstances demand that they enter one of the fortress cities do they trick their way in, or beg favour from the sanctimonious powers that be? Can they last long enough to discover the secret that has bent the world into its current cruel shape?
Background: Only a few centuries ago Xophena was just like any other kingdom, periods of prosperity and stability that dissolved into infighting as the local warrior elite squabbled for position. That of course all changed when monsters known as the Delnbrood began to wriggle out of the earth like worms after rain, causing untold devastation and forcing a societal retreat to the increasingly fortified settlements dotted about the mountainous foothills. The fear and chaos of these years restructured Xophen society into a rigid hierarchy based around tradition, faith, and survival, which has only grown more ossified as time has gone on.
Both Xophen scripture and legend will tell you that the horrors that beset them began with a treasonous sorcerer Delndrek who sought to take the throne for himself through dishonorable means and darkest sorcery. He was opposed by Tanria brightspear, a saint of the everlight who foiled his every sly attempt to seize power, until at last she cornered him and forced his surrender. Ever the coward, Delndrek sacrificed his humanity rather than relinquish his ambition, becoming an indescribable abomination, that it took the bright speared saint five days to vanquish, dying in the process. It's said that the aberrations that beset Xophena today are born from where his tainted blood struck the earth.
Like many of the tales told about the realm of the pure, this story is a lie, gilded with just enough truth to make it stick in the people's memory. Delndrek wasn't just a sorcerer, but the sorcerer of the royal family, tasked with magicing away all the problems that backwoods dynasty couldn't solve through bloodshed or political marriage. The kingdom's goldmines had always been its lifeblood, and most of the fighting in those days about who could profit from what claim. Trouble was the royal family's mines were drying up, so they threw their pet mage at the problem said that if he didn't find a solution they'd torture him till they did. Dying mines and mounting stress forced Delndrek to look deeper and deeper for an answer, and eventually led him to communion with the outergod Jysh'parun who holds dominion over the secrets of mountains. A pact was struck, the mountains ate people and spat up gold, until eventually the saint found out and decided to put a stop to things.
Cut to today, and the dependants of that very same royal family are still trying to wriggle out of the pact they instigated, spending their people's lives to fill their coffers and fight back the creatures the outer god sends to assert dominion over the realm he was promised.
Setting Details:
The church of the everlight was always strong in Xophena, dating back half a millennia to when an adherent of hers was lost on a stormy sea for months and was only able to find land when the mist parted and he saw the dawn first alighting on one of the region's seaside peaks. The mountainous temple city of First Alight still serves as the heart of the region's faith.
That faith has become just as gaudy and hollow as the rest of the kingdom: Somewhere along the line it was decided that gold was the best way to demonstrate praise to Sarenrae, both in decorating her icons and paying to erect ever grander structures in her honour. While the common people pray for the hope and strength to lead them through lean times, their tithes go to fund an increasingly bloated clergy who spend their days finding reasons that the peoples' sinful nature forestalls their goddess's promised salvation.
You don't compose ballads calling your homeland "Realm of the Pure" unless you've got some hangups around cleanliness. Delndrek's corruption has touched more than the land, as aberrant sorceries and otherworldly mutations have begun to spring up among the populace. Those with influence do their best to hide these marks, those without are scapegoated, exiled, or made an example of.
For all their privilege and brainwashing, many of the realm's knights really do believe in the cause, having largely abandoned the ways of petty armed gentry and settling instead into martial orders. While they all compete to slay the most beasts and earn the most gallant reputation, it is a deepset longing among the knights to be able to find St. Tanria's lost spear, which in the right hands is said to be able to rid the land of its blight once and for all.
Arcane magic is viewed with suspicion in Xophena, as any rogue mage could be just another Delndrek waiting to happen. Exceptions are of course made for those spoken for by the nobility.
Art 1
Art 2
#Jysh'parun#setting#campaign#press start#mountain#lovecraft#occult#dnd#dungeons and dragons#d&d#ttprg#pathfinder#sarenrae
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The Vienna Game by @paratactician
My finished contribution to the @fandomtrumpshate craft bazaar! Honestly, this may be my favorite typeset I've done to date, combined with one of the more elaborate cutout designs I've made in a while. (I learned the hard way that it's time for me to change the blade on my Silhouette cutter, lol. Protip: if it's chewing up the paper/cloth on skinny elements like the pixellated raindrops + puddle here, get a new, sharper blade!) It included all the 80s cyberspace nonsense/vaporwave aesthetic I could cram into one book, some intensely sparkly decorative paper that popped against the black bookcloth exactly how I hoped it would, and yet another excellent last-minute endpaper find courtesy of the Renegade Retreat.
As I've gotten more proficient at typesetting, I've found I really love creating visual markers for POV swaps -- in this case, changing the drop caps and scene dividers depending on whether the chapter was from Sollux or Terezi's POV:
And of course, I have to give a huge shout-out to @isozyme and @roach-works for letting me include their art! (Alas, I forgot to snap a picture of roachpatrol's art before sending off the book, but it's this A+++ piece right here.)
As always, thank you so much to beanutbutter for their incredible generosity during FTH, and to the whole FTH team for running the auction! If you haven't had the chance to read "The Vienna Game" yet, you can at the link above.
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✨ His only exception - Pt. 18/? ✨
Summary: 12 months ago, Butcher went above and beyond to have you join his team. You had a simple office job at Supe Affairs. The same thing every day, working from 9 to 5 and watching Butcher and his team defeat one renegade after another. One evening, however, something changed.
Pairing: Soldier Boy x Reader
Warnings: 18+ only! Something that could count as rape, Smut, Language, kinda cheating, dominant Ben, Ben being Ben - WELL, HE´S A WARNING HIMSELF
Word Count: 6158
A/N: This is part 18 of “His only exeption”.
English isn’t my first language, so please be lenient. 💙✨
As the rest of the team returned home, Annie took it upon herself to search for you, knocking softly on Ben's door.
"Hey, have you seen (Y/N)?", she called out, her voice muffled through the wooden door. "I've been looking for her everywhere".
Ben's annoyed groan reverberated through the room as he responded to Annie's inquiry. "Fuck off, she's sleeping", he barked, his voice louder than intended, causing you to shift slightly in his arms.
Annie frowned at his curt response, concern evident in her voice. "Is everything okay in there?", she asked, her tone tinged with worry.
Ben sighed, his irritation palpable as he gently brushed your hair to soothe you back to sleep. "She's fine, just exhausted", he muttered, his voice low and gruff. "Now, if you don't mind, I suggest you fucking leave before I tear you apart".
Annie recoiled slightly at his threat, but she knew better than to push further. She backed away from the door, leaving you and Ben in peace.
Ben stubbed out his joint, his movements careful as he stood up with you cradled in his arms. With a soft grunt, he made his way over to his bed, settling you down gently on the mattress before tucking the blankets around you snugly.
Ben pulled on just some sweatpants before heading out to the kitchen, leaving you sleeping peacefully in his room. In the hallway, he found Annie and Hughie, who had been eagerly awaiting his return.
“What?”, Ben snapped, his tone dripping with irritation as he glared at them.
Annie raised an eyebrow at his hostility. “Just checking on (Y/N)”, she replied calmly. “We heard some commotion earlier”.
Ben scoffed, his lips twisting into a sneer. “She’s fine”, he retorted dismissively. “Now get out of my sight before I decide to do something you’ll regret”.
Hughie exchanged a worried glance with Annie, sensing the tension in the air. “We just wanted to make sure everything’s okay”, he added, his voice hesitant.
Ben’s eyes narrowed dangerously. “I said she’s fine”, he growled, his patience wearing thin.
Annie couldn't help but match Ben's attitude with her own. "Geez, Ben, no need to be such a grump", she retorted. "We're just trying to make sure our friend is okay. If that's too much for you to handle, maybe you should take a chill pill".
Ben's jaw clenched at her sass, but before he could respond, Hughie stepped in, trying to diffuse the tension. "Come on, Annie, let's give him some space", he suggested. "We'll check in with (Y/N) later".
With that, Annie and Hughie turned around, leaving Ben alone with his thoughts and his simmering anger.
Ben grabbed a bottle of whiskey from the kitchen before retreating back to his bedroom. He took a seat in his chair, propped his feet up on his desk, and started to drink, his gaze fixed on your small, naked body sleeping peacefully on his bed, wrapped in his sheets.
As he watched you, a mixture of emotions flooded through him—anger, desire, protectiveness. He took a swig of whiskey, the burn of alcohol easing the tension in his muscles as he tried to make sense of his conflicting feelings.
Despite his gruff exterior, deep down, Ben couldn't deny the sense of warmth that washed over him as he watched you sleep. You may drive him crazy at times, but there was something about the sight of you, vulnerable and innocent in slumber, that stirred something inside him.
He took another sip of whiskey, the amber liquid warming him from the inside out as he allowed himself a rare moment of quiet reflection, his eyes never leaving your form as you slept soundly in his bed.
As you stirred awake, a cold shiver ran down your spine, pulling you out of your slumber. Blinking away the remnants of sleep, you rubbed your eyes and glanced around the room, feeling the chill of the air against your naked skin. The blanket that had once covered you was now barely clinging to your body, leaving you exposed and vulnerable.
Your gaze fell upon Ben, who sat in his chair with a nearly empty bottle of whiskey in his hand. His eyes were fixed on you, his expression unreadable as he watched you stir.
A sense of unease washed over you as you realized you were practically naked in front of him, your body exposed to his intense scrutiny. You quickly reached for the blanket, pulling it up to cover yourself as best as you could, feeling a flush of embarrassment creeping into your cheeks.
"Ben?", you called out softly, your voice tinged with uncertainty as you met his gaze.
"Mhmm?", Ben mumbled, tearing his gaze away from your body to meet your eyes.
You sat up slightly, your movements slow and labored, exhaustion evident in every line of your body. With a voice barely above a whisper, you spoke, your words barely audible due to the soreness in your throat.
"Why are you still awake?", you asked.
Ben's jaw clenched slightly as he regarded you, his expression unreadable. "Couldn't sleep", he grumbled, his tone gruff.
You bit your lip, a nervous habit in the presence of his intense gaze. "Come to bed, Ben", you whispered.
But he shook his head, his jaw still tight. "I'll stay here", he replied curtly, his voice betraying none of the emotions swirling inside him.
You sighed softly, feeling the weight of exhaustion settling in your bones as you stood up slowly, the blanket still draped around you. With determined steps, you made your way over to where Ben sat, his eyes following your every move.
Gently, you reached out and took the bottle from his hand, placing it aside as you stood between his legs, the warmth of his body seeping into yours.
Ben's hand sneaked under the blanket, pulling it lazily aside to get a perfect view of your naked body. His eyes trailed over your skin, and he couldn't help but notice the blue bruises covering your hip bones, evidence of his roughness from earlier.
His thumb brushed over the marks as he held you by your hip, feeling the goosebumps rise on your skin. Without a word, you climbed onto his lap, straddling him, and pressed your naked breasts against his stomach as you hugged him tightly.
"I'm cold", you whispered softly, your voice barely audible as you buried your face in the crook of his neck.
Ben didn't push you away, but he didn't exactly reciprocate the hug either. He tolerated your actions, his body tense beneath yours as you sought warmth in his embrace.
"You should go back to sleep", he muttered. "I'll be fine".
You sighed softly, knowing it was pointless to argue with him. You could sense the underlying turmoil within him, and you wished there was something you could do to ease his burden.
"I'm not leaving you alone", you insisted quietly, your arms still wrapped around him. "Not when you're like this".
Ben's jaw tightened at your words, but he didn't protest. He simply sat there, allowing you to hold onto him.
You chuckled softly, trying to lighten the mood. "Well, your radioactive chest does have its perks", you teased, a faint smile playing on your lips. "Like providing me with some much-needed warmth".
Ben huffed a small laugh, the tension in his shoulders easing slightly. "Guess it's good for something", he conceded.
You settled against him, feeling the steady rise and fall of his chest beneath you.
As you drifted back to sleep, Ben lay an arm around you, pulling the blanket over your back, his touch gentle despite the weight of his exhaustion. He let out a heavy sigh.
After a while, Ben carefully lifted you from his lap, cradling you in his arms as he carried you back to the bed. With a tenderness that belied his usual demeanor, he laid you down gently on the mattress, ensuring you were comfortable before joining you.
Curling up beside you, he wrapped an arm around your waist, pulling you close to his chest.
With a final sigh, he closed his eyes, allowing himself to drift into a deep and much-needed sleep, knowing that you were safe and sound by his side.
The next morning, you stirred awake to find Ben still sleeping soundly beside you. His features softened in slumber, the lines of tension from the previous night smoothed out in the light of morning.
You couldn't help but admire the peaceful expression on his face, a stark contrast to his usual hardened exterior. With a small smile, you gently brushed a strand of hair away from his forehead, watching as he shifted slightly in his sleep, but didn't wake.
You carefully slipped out of bed, pulling one of Ben's shirts over your body for modesty as you made your way out of his room, trying not to disturb his peaceful slumber. The fabric hung loose around your frame, offering a sense of comfort as you tiptoed out of the room, leaving him to rest undisturbed.
You ran into Hughie and Annie in the hallway, who seemed relieved to see you up and about.
“Hey, (Y/N), everything okay?”, Hughie asked, his tone laced with concern.
You nodded, feeling a slight tremor in your hands as you spoke. "Yeah, I'm feeling much better now", you replied, your voice still hoarse. "Ben actually took great care of me".
Annie and Hughie exchanged surprised glances, clearly not expecting to hear that. "Really?", Annie asked, raising an eyebrow skeptically.
You nodded again, offering them a small smile. "Yeah, really", you affirmed, hoping they would drop the subject.
As you stood there in the hallway, Annie and Hughie seemed to be processing your words, their expressions a mix of surprise and confusion.
Annie spoke up first, her tone still skeptical. "Well, I guess that's a surprise", she remarked.
Hughie nodded slowly, seeming unsure of what to make of the situation. "Yeah, I guess so", he murmured, his gaze shifting between you and Annie.
You could sense their disbelief, but you knew what had transpired between you and Ben. Despite everything, he saved you.
You shifted slightly, feeling the need to break the tension in the air. "Anyway, I think I'm going to go take a shower", you announced.
Annie nodded, her expression still wary. "Yeah, sounds like a good idea", she replied, her tone cautious.
With a nod, you headed towards the bathroom, leaving Annie and Hughie behind in the hallway.
As you stood in the kitchen, putting the finishing touches on breakfast, you heard footsteps approaching from the hallway. You turned to see Ben emerging from his room, his presence immediately catching Butcher's attention.
Butcher's gaze narrowed as he watched Ben enter the kitchen, his expression unreadable.
You tried to act normal, offering a casual "Good morning, Ben", but he only grumbled in response, grabbing a pancake before retreating back to his room.
Butcher raised an eyebrow at Ben's behavior, then turned his attention to you and Annie. "What's up with him?", he asked, his tone suspicious.
You shrugged, exchanging a glance with Annie. "Who knows?", you replied, trying to brush it off. "He's probably just not a morning person".
Annie nodded in agreement, though her expression hinted at concern. "Yeah, probably", she added, though her eyes lingered on Ben's closed door.
As Butcher scrutinized Ben, he remarked, "His mood's worse than usual".
MM chimed in, "Yeah, he's always a prick, but today he's on another level".
As everyone began to eat, the conversation turned to the urgent matter at hand: finding Homelander. Ideas and strategies were tossed around the table as pancakes disappeared from the plates.
Butcher took the lead, outlining a plan that involved gathering more intel and coordinating with their allies. Hughie and Annie listened intently, offering their insights and suggestions.
As the night settled in and everyone drifted off to sleep, you found yourself unable to shake the unease that had settled over you since Ben's distant behavior earlier in the day. With a quiet resolve, you made your way to his room.
Your heart pounded in your chest as you reached his door, and you hesitated for a moment before mustering the courage to knock softly, hoping he would hear you.
The door creaked open, revealing Ben standing there, his expression more annoyed than you had ever seen it. "What?", he grumbled, his tone sharp with irritation.
You swallowed hard, feeling a lump form in your throat at his harsh demeanor. "I-I just wanted to check on you", you stammered, your voice barely above a whisper.
Ben's scowl softened slightly at your words, but his irritation still lingered. "I'm fine", he muttered curtly but stepping back to let you into the room.
You hesitated for a moment before stepping inside, feeling a sense of unease settling over you in the tense atmosphere. "Are you sure?", you asked softly.
Ben's jaw clenched as he turned away from you and reached for his joint on the desk.
"I said I'm fine", he snapped and lit up the joint, inhaling deeply before exhaling a cloud of smoke.
You watched him silently, unsure of how to proceed in the face of his hostility.
Ben glanced over his shoulder, his eyes narrowing as he noticed you still standing there.
"What are you waiting for?", he sneered. "You gonna keep standing there looking stupid, or are you gonna do something useful and get naked?".
You were taken aback by his blunt request, but you tried to overplay it with a hint of sarcasm.
"Wow, Ben, you really know how to charm a girl", you muttered, your tone laced with irritation. "There are definitely more romantic ways to start this".
You tried to keep your voice steady, masking the slight hint of anger bubbling beneath the surface.
Ben chuckled, the sound low and rough. "Romantic, huh? You think I give a fuck about romance?", he retorted. "Just get on with it or get out".
You bristled at his dismissive attitude, but you knew arguing with him would only make things worse. With a resigned sigh, you began to undress, feeling a mix of frustration and resignation settling in the pit of your stomach.
As you stripped off your clothes, Ben's gaze remained fixed on you.
Once you were completely naked, you stood before him, feeling exposed and vulnerable under his gaze. "Happy now?", you muttered.
Ben's lips curled into a smirk, his eyes darkening with desire. "Ecstatic", he replied sarcastically. "Now get over here".
Reluctantly, you approached him.
Ben leaned back in his chair, a smirk playing on his lips as he watched you approach. "Get on your knees", he ordered, his voice commanding.
You hesitated for a moment, your throat still sore from the previous night's rough encounter. "Ben, my throat…", you whimpered softly.
"I don't care", he replied curtly. "You wanted to be here, now do as you're told".
Reluctantly, you sank to your knees before him, feeling a sense of resignation wash over you.
As you knelt before him, Ben's expression darkened, his impatience evident as he watched you. With a rough gesture, he grabbed your hair, pulling you closer to him.
"Open your mouth", he commanded.
You complied, parting your lips to accommodate him, feeling a mixture of apprehension and resignation washing over you, as he guided himself into your mouth.
With a determined effort to ignore the pain in your throat, you began to suck him, your lips wrapping tightly around his hardness. You focused on the rhythmic movement, trying to find a rhythm that pleased him. His grip tightened on your hair, guiding your movements as he groaned softly in satisfaction.
Despite the discomfort, you did your best to pleasure him, swirling your tongue around his shaft and taking him deeper into your mouth with each stroke. You could feel him growing harder in response, his breaths becoming ragged as pleasure coursed through his body.
"Keep going", Ben instructed, his voice low and husky as he took a drag from his joint, his eyes half-lidded with pleasure. "Don't stop".
You nodded obediently, your focus solely on pleasing him as you continued to work your mouth along his length. The smell of his smoke mixed with the scent of his arousal, filling the air around you as you lost yourself in the task at hand.
As you continued to suck him, you used your tongue to swirl around his shaft, alternating between gentle licks and more insistent strokes. You took him deep into your mouth, feeling the weight of him on your tongue as you moved back and forth.
Meanwhile, Ben leaned back in his chair, his eyes closed in bliss as he enjoyed the sensation of your mouth on him. He took another drag from his joint, the smoke curling lazily around him as he savored the sensation of your lips and tongue.
With a rough tug, Ben pulled you to your feet, his grip firm as he turned you to face his desk. As he pushed you down, your torso laying on the surface, he stubbed out the joint with a grunt.
"Enough of that", he growled. "Time for the real fun".
You braced yourself against the desk, a mixture of anticipation and apprehension coursing through you.
Ben, in no mood for gentleness, swiftly pulled down his sweatpants.
With a forceful thrust, Ben entered you roughly, causing you to yank forward and emit a sharp whine of discomfort.
"Take it", he growled.
As Ben squeezed your already bruised hips, you couldn't help but whimper again, the pain shooting through your body like a jolt of electricity.
"Fuck", he muttered, his grip tightening as he began to move with relentless force.
You bit your lip, trying to stifle another whimper, as the intensity of his thrusts sent waves of discomfort and pleasure coursing through you.
"Ben, please", you gasped, the discomfort becoming unbearable as your hipbones met the edge of the desk with each of his forceful thrusts. "Slow down".
But Ben ignored your plea, his movements growing even more aggressive as he continued to pound into you.
"Ben, I said slow down!", you exclaimed, your voice tinged with frustration and pain. "You're hurting me".
But Ben only grunted in response.
You clenched your teeth, trying to endure the discomfort as best as you could, but it was becoming increasingly difficult to bear.
"Ben, please", you pleaded, your voice cracking with emotion. "I can't take it like this. Slow down".
His grip on your hips tightened even more, and you winced at the added pressure.
But this time, your words seemed to break through his trance. He paused, his expression clouded with irritation.
"Stop whining", he snapped. "You wanted this, didn't you?".
Your heart sank at his callous words, the pain in your body matching the ache in your heart.
Using the moment of pause, you summoned all your strength to push him away, shoving him back with all your might. He stumbled backward, surprise flickering across his face as he caught sight of your teary eyes and trembling legs.
“What the fuck?”, he exclaimed, his tone incredulous as he regained his balance.
“You’re a fucking asshole, Ben!”, you snapped, your voice laced with anger and frustration.
As you quickly began to dress yourself, your hands shaking with anger and hurt, Ben followed suit.
"What's your fucking problem?", he growled, his voice dripping with irritation.
“I’m serious, Ben”, you said firmly, your voice trembling with emotion. “If I tell you to stop or to slow down, you have to listen!”.
Ben scoffed, his expression darkening with disdain. “You think you can tell me what to do?”, he retorted.
“What the hell is wrong with you today?”, you demanded, frustration boiling beneath the surface of your words.
Ben’s jaw clenched, his gaze hardening as he met your eyes. “Nothing’s wrong with me”, he snapped.
"You hurt me, Ben!", you exclaimed, your voice tinged with both anger and hurt.
Without another word, Ben stormed out of the room, leaving you standing there, feeling a mix of frustration and betrayal. After a moment of hesitation, you gathered your things and left the his room.
About an hour later, Annie knocked at your door just as you snuggled under your blanket, trying to find some comfort after the tense encounter with Ben.
"Hey, (Y/N), are you okay?", Annie's voice sounded concerned through the door.
You sighed heavily, feeling drained from the emotional rollercoaster of the day. "Yeah, I'm fine", you replied, your voice muffled by the blanket. "Just had a little disagreement with Ben, that's all".
Annie's voice was filled with sympathy. "I heard you yelling", she said softly. "Do you want to talk about it?".
You hesitated for a moment before responding. "No, it's okay", you said, your voice shivering slightly. "I just need some time alone".
Annie paused for a moment before responding. "Alright, but if you need anything, I'm here", she said reassuringly. "Take care of yourself, okay?".
As you curled up under the blanket, the events of the day replayed in your mind like a relentless loop.
Anger, frustration, and hurt swirled within you, making it difficult to find peace. Ben's dismissive attitude and rough treatment lingered in your thoughts, leaving you feeling vulnerable and betrayed.
As Ben made his way to the next strip club, his mind was a whirlwind of conflicting emotions. The events of the evening with you lingered in the back of his mind, but he pushed them aside, seeking distraction in the familiar chaos of the club. The dim lights, pounding music, and scantily clad dancers provided a temporary escape from his troubles, allowing him to lose himself in the moment.
Ben settled into a plush couch in the front row, his eyes scanning the stage as the music pulsed through the club. The air was thick with anticipation, and he relished the freedom to indulge his desires without restraint. The supes on stage moved with an otherworldly grace, their movements captivating and hypnotic.
As the first dancer approached, Ben's gaze locked onto her, his jaw tensing with anticipation. Here, in the midst of the exotic and alluring, he could forget about everything else, if only for a fleeting moment.
As a girl approached him, her eyes lighting up with recognition, a sultry smile played on her lips. She moved closer, her body swaying with a mesmerizing rhythm as she leaned in towards Ben.
"Soldier Boy", she purred, her voice low and seductive. "What can I do for you tonight?".
Ben's lips curved into a smirk as he looked her up and down, his gaze lingering on her curves. "Just entertain me", he replied, his voice laced with a hint of command. "Show me what you can do".
The supe girl nodded eagerly, her movements becoming even more enticing as she danced before him, eager to please him in every way possible.
The girl moved closer to Ben, her body swaying in time with the music as she straddled his lap. Her hands traced tantalizing patterns along his chest, sending shivers down his spine as she leaned in close, her breath hot against his ear.
With practiced precision, she began to grind against him, her movements fluid and hypnotic. Each sway of her hips sent waves of pleasure coursing through him, his senses overwhelmed by the sensation of her soft skin against his.
As the music pulsed around them, the supe girl's movements grew more intense, her hands roaming boldly over his body as she pressed herself against him.
The girl leaned in close, her lips brushing against his ear as she whispered seductively, "You know, Soldier Boy, I can give you so much more backstage… I want you to fuck me… hard".
Her words sent a surge of desire coursing through Ben's veins as he looked into her eyes, his own dark with anticipation. "Lead the way", he growled, his voice low and husky with desire.
With a sultry smile, the supe girl took his hand and led him towards the backstage area, her hips swaying enticingly as she walked. Ben followed eagerly, his mind racing with anticipation of what was to come.
Feeling discomfort coursing through your body, you struggled to find a comfortable position in bed. With little whimpers escaping your lips, you decided to get up and make your way to the bathroom, hoping to find some relief from the pain.
Each step was a reminder of the soreness between your legs, making you wince with every movement.
Once in the bathroom, you searched for some pain relief, hoping it would ease the throbbing ache between your legs.
You rummaged through the medicine cabinet until you found a tube of soothing cream.
With careful movements, you applied the cream to your sore flesh, wincing slightly at the tender touch. The cool relief it provided was a welcome sensation. Closing your eyes, you leaned back against the bathroom counter, hoping that the cream would bring some relief and allow you to finally get some rest.
As your eyes flickered to your bruised hipbones reflected in the mirror, the sight made you wince, a fresh wave of discomfort washing over you. You couldn't help but wonder why Ben had acted the way he did, his roughness leaving both physical and emotional marks on you.
Sighing softly, you leaned closer to the mirror, studying your reflection as if searching for answers. But the reflection staring back at you offered no solace, only a silent reminder of the pain and confusion swirling inside you. Closing your eyes briefly, you pushed aside the troubling thoughts, focusing instead on the present moment and the hope that the cream would bring some relief.
As Ben was pushed lightly into the makeup room backstage, the girl's grin widened, her eyes flickering with excitement.
"You ready for some fun, Soldier Boy?", she purred.
Ben's lips curved into a smirk as he leaned closer to her, his gaze smoldering with desire. "I'm always ready", he replied, his voice thick with anticipation.
The girl wasted no time taking the lead, her movements fluid and enticing as she closed the distance between them. She pressed her body against his, the heat of her skin igniting a primal desire within him.
"You like what you see, Soldier Boy?", she teased, her hands trailing over his chest with a playful smirk.
Ben's breath hitched as he felt her touch, a low growl escaping his lips. "I like it a lot", he admitted.
With a primal growl, Ben tore away the scanty garments that barely covered the supe´s body, his desire consuming him as he pushed her roughly onto her knees. With swift movements, he stripped off his own pants and boxers, his throbbing member springing free, ready for action.
With practiced ease, the girl took him into her mouth, her lips wrapping around his shaft effortlessly. Her tongue danced skillfully around him, eliciting groans of pleasure from Ben as she expertly pleasured him. Her eyes remained locked with his, a look of intense desire burning in her gaze as she worked him with expert precision.
Despite the girl's impressive skills, Ben found it difficult to shake the image of you from his mind. Groaning with frustration, he pulled her up, his hands gripping her hips firmly as he pushed her against the wall. Her ass was on full display, and she eagerly pushed her hips back, wiggling her ass enticingly as she waited for him to take her from behind.
Ben's grip tightened on her hips as he positioned himself behind her, his cock throbbing with need. With a primal growl, he thrust into her with force, causing her to gasp in pleasure.
"You like it rough, huh?", he grunted, his voice husky with desire as he pounded into her relentlessly.
She moaned in response, her hands bracing against the wall as she pushed back against him, meeting his every thrust with equal fervor.
"You're so big", she whimpered, her voice filled with ecstasy as she surrendered to the overwhelming sensation of him filling her completely.
Ben's movements became more aggressive, his pace quickening as he drove himself deeper into her, the sound of their bodies colliding echoing through the room.
"You want it harder?", he growled.
She nodded eagerly, her desire matching his own as she begged for more.
As the supe moaned loudly, her voice echoing like something out of a porno, Ben couldn’t help but feel annoyed by the exaggerated display. Her exaggerated noises grated on his nerves, reminding him of what he truly craved – the soft, genuine whimpers and moans that escaped your lips.
Despite her enthusiastic performance, Ben found himself longing for the raw, authentic connection he shared with you. He missed the way your body responded to his touch, the way your breath hitched and your skin flushed with desire.
Ben tried to shake off his thoughts and feelings, focusing instead on the supe beneath him. With a determined grunt, he began to fuck her harder, his movements rough and relentless as he sought to drown out the memories of you.
As he thrust into her with increasing intensity, the girl's moans grew even louder, her body trembling with pleasure. But despite his efforts to lose himself in the moment, Ben couldn't shake the nagging feeling of discontent that gnawed at him from within.
Her legs began to shake, her breath coming in ragged gasps as she struggled to keep up with his relentless pace.
"You like that, huh?", Ben grunted. "You're just a filthy little slut, aren't you?".
The supe girl moaned in response, her nails digging into the wall as she surrendered to the overwhelming sensation of him filling her completely.
The supe girl's pleas filled the room as she begged Ben to go harder, her voice a desperate melody of desire and ecstasy.
"You want it harder?", Ben growled, his grip on her hips tightening as he driving himself deeper into her with each powerful thrust.
With a mixture of pain and pleasure, the supe girl cried out, her body trembling with the force of his movements as she surrendered completely to the overwhelming sensation.
Ben grunted in frustration as he struggled to reach his peak, his movements becoming more aggressive with each passing moment. With a growl of annoyance, he resorted to using more force, his hand coming down hard on the supe girl's ass, leaving a red mark in its wake.
Despite his efforts, Ben found himself unable to release, the nagging feeling of dissatisfaction lingering in the back of his mind.
With a final grunt of effort, Ben finally reached his climax, his release spilling forth as he pulled out abruptly. Without a word, he turned the supe girl around forcefully, pushing her down to the ground.
"Take it", he growled, his voice rough with exertion as he unleashed his pent-up frustration, his hot seed splattering across her face in thick, white ropes.
The supe girl gasped as she felt the warm liquid coating her skin, her eyes wide with surprise and arousal as she looked up at Ben.
"Fuck", she breathed, a mixture of excitement and satisfaction in her voice as she licked her lips.
As Ben pulled up his jeans, his mind still swirling with thoughts of you, he couldn't help but let out a scoff of disdain.
"You're lucky I even bothered", he muttered, his tone dripping with arrogance as he looked down at the supe girl beneath him. "Most girls would kill for a chance like that".
The supe girl bristled at his words, a hint of indignation flickering in her eyes as she scrambled to her feet.
"Whatever you say, Soldier Boy", she shot back, her tone defiant as she straightened her clothes.
Ben rolled his eyes, dismissing her with a wave of his hand as he turned to leave the room.
As Ben's mind continued to revolve around you, he pushed open the door to the apartment, his steps heavy with uncertainty. Despite his anger and frustration, a part of him longed for the familiar comfort of your presence.
Quietly, he made his way towards your room, his heart pounding. He hesitated for a moment before opening the door and stepping inside, his eyes searching the room for any sign of you.
Ben's gaze softened as he spotted you curled up in the sheets, sound asleep. Relief flooded through him, momentarily easing the tension in his muscles. He stood there for a moment, watching you sleep, a mixture of emotions swirling inside him.
As Ben watched you sleep, a tumultuous whirlwind of emotions churned within him. He couldn't deny the fierce care and affection he felt for you, a feeling that surpassed anything he'd ever experienced before. Yet, at the same time, he grappled with a sense of frustration and self-doubt, unable to fully express his emotions in the way he desired.
Despite his tough exterior, deep down, Ben knew that he cared for you more than just for the physical connection you shared. It unsettled him, this vulnerability, this longing for something more meaningful than just casual encounters. In his mind, he felt like a fucking pussy for allowing himself to feel so deeply, for admitting that he wanted more than just the physical intimacy you provided.
He needed to calm down and distract himself somehow. Somehow he had to let his feelings out and he did it in his own way. In the only way he knew how. Sex. Rough sex.
With a heavy sigh, Ben turned away, his heart heavy with conflicting emotions. He knew he couldn't keep denying his true feelings for you, but the fear of vulnerability held him back, trapping him in a cycle of frustration and longing.
The next day, Hughie took charge of breakfast, bustling around the kitchen as he prepared a hearty meal for everyone. The aroma of sizzling bacon and freshly brewed coffee filled the air, coaxing you out of your slumber.
As you entered the kitchen, the sight of Hughie's culinary efforts brought a smile to your face. Despite the tension that had lingered in the air after last night's events, it was reassuring to see everyone coming together for a morning meal.
Butcher's gaze lingered on you as you entered the kitchen, his brow furrowing in concern. "Why are you walking so funny?", he asked, his tone laced with curiosity.
Just then, Ben joined the kitchen, his presence causing a subtle shift in the atmosphere. His eyes briefly met yours before he turned his attention to Hughie's cooking.
Ben watched you closely as you made your way to a free chair, your movements slow and deliberate. He couldn't help but notice the slight stiffness in your gait, a subtle indication of discomfort. However, you did your best to act as though everything was normal, masking any signs of pain.
Butcher grinned mischievously. "What's the matter, (Y/N)? Got a little too adventurous last night?", he teased, a playful smirk playing on his lips.
Frenchie glanced at Ben, his expression unreadable as he observed him closely.
You felt heat rise to your cheeks, embarrassment flooding through you as Butcher's words hit their mark.
"Uh, no, nothing like that", you stammered, trying to play it cool despite the blush creeping across your face.
Annie's keen eyes caught the subtle tension between you and Ben as he took a seat beside you.
"So, what's the plan for today?", she asked casually, though her eyes remained fixed on the two of you.
Butcher's voice cut through the tense atmosphere, drawing everyone's attention. "Homelander is back at vought", he announced, his tone resolute.
Ben's gaze snapped up at the mention of Homelander, a glint of determination in his eyes. The memory of what Homelander did to you fueled his desire for revenge, his jaw clenching at the thought.
As thoughts of Homelander raced through your mind, your heart began to pound with a mix of fear and anger. Sensing your unease, Ben subtly reached under the table and rested his warm hand on your thigh, offering a silent reassurance without needing to exchange words.
———————————
A/N: Well, I know it´s a lot, but please don´t hate me ._.
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Part 19
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Taglist: @deangirl96, @thatgirljayy, @suckitands33, @deans-spinster-witch@mimaria420@kaz11283@uncle-eggy @jackles010378 @vxnilla-hxrddrugs @meowmeowyoongles @sarahgracej @zemosdarling228 @leila22rogers @mostlymarvelgirl @emily-winchester @blacknoirr @onlyangel-444 @seasonofthenerd @staple-your-mouth @artemys-ackles @selfdestructionandrhum @mystic-mara
#jensen ackles#soldier boy#soldier boy x female reader#soldier boy x reader#soldier boy x y/n#the boys#the boys hughie#hughie campbell#billy butcher
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It's FanFiction Writer's Appreciation Day!
In order to show our appreciation @renegadepublishing fanbinding guild runs Renegade Loves Fic(Writers), an event where members choose a fic they love and make it into a book to send to the story's author!
This year I chose to bind:
Aletheia
by imochan, & reserve on A03, @badspacebabies & @reserve here on the tumblr space
Fandom: Star Wars
Ship: Kylux
Word Count: 40,150
Rating: E (this story is spicy and has some dark elements, please read the tag and notes)
I made three copies of this book, one for each of the authors and one for me. I had a lot of fun making this book and my favorite part was the cover. Typically when you add elements to the cover they go on top of the bookcloth. But I really wanted the white for the imperial lighting to be recessed below the black of the cover. So it was more like lights behind metal girders. So in this case I put the white vinyl on the board for the case then cut the holes for the lights in the bookcloth and built the case. It was my first time trying something like this and I love how it turned out!!!
I knew was gonna do this story for my FFWAD book a while back, so when I was at the Renegade Retreat back in April I made a point to marble some papers just for them!
I also sewed some endbands for these, in a false double core style.
Inside!
Fonts used:
Body Text font: Galliard
Title & Drop Cap font: Star Jedi
Quotes: ITC Serif Gothic Extra
Headers: AV05 Logotype & Aurebesh
Authors, Datapad & Messaging: AV05 Logotype
Thank you again to the authors for making this story!!
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It's August 21, which means: Happy Fanfiction Writers Appreciation Day! If you are a writer of fanfic, please know just how appreciated you are!! Fandom would be such a different space without your creativity and labors of love. 💜
In celebration of this most glorious holiday, @renegadepublishing ran an event where we bind copies of fics to gift to their authors, and I had the joy of binding The Tranquility of Water for @noppoh! It's a truly fantastic post-canon story and I love the exploration into the effects of the main story on its characters after the fact. (This is a story I love so much that I wrote up a page and a half crash course on The Untamed so I can try to force my sibling into reading it as well. Take that as you will)
The walls of the Hanshi creep in on him and so Lan Xichen leaves. He leaves Cloud Recesses and his seclusion, stealing away in the night with no-one the wiser that he even left. His feet bring him to Lotus Pier where a surprisingly kind Jiang Cheng seems determined to help him heal.
With a title like "Tranquility of Water" and the story largely taking place at Lotus Pier, I may have been a little heavy handed with the lotus imagery throughout the book, but it felt very fitting! The lotus on the cover was a last minute addition, but one that turned out so lovely. Just, you know, to tie everything together lotus-wise. (Another one of my favorite design details in the typeset is that both title fonts from the chapter headers and title page get repeated within the text of the story as the main characters handwriting fonts!)
I started the physical binding process of my copy while at the Renegade Retreat in April (and decided the week before that I wanted to change my body font... can you say formatting speedrun?) and up until that point I hadn't actually figured out what the cover and endpages were going to look like. Special thanks to everyone who contributed pieces to this binding (and who moral-supported me along the way -- my copy holds so many fun memories now) because it LITERALLY would not look like this without you all. I really love the way the color transitions worked out, with a predominantly blue/green case, fading into green, into pink, into the title page, and then transitioning back out at the end of the book.
And these endbands!! Friends, that is SILK embroidery floss that a friend brought to the retreat especially so I could experience the decadence of silk endbands. I will never be the same. (They're so smooth... so shiny... so slippery to work with, but SO WORTH IT)
(Binding details under the cut)
The pieces that went into this bind:
Fandom: The Untamed/Mo Dao Zu Shi
Pairing: Jiang Cheng | Jiang Wanyin / Lan Huan | Lan Xichen
Bookcloth: Renegade Retreat Swap Table Special (I have no idea what it is, but it was just enough to make a copy for myself and the author and the color worked PERFECTLY!)
Cover paper: Opal Momi paper
Cover paper: Opal Momi paper
Endpapers: from the Craft Consortium Ink Drops - Dusk paper pack
Titling: foil quill
Endbands: leather cording core, silk embroidery floss for the bands
Body font: EB Garamond
Title fonts: Wintersoul and Bastian
Handwriting fonts: Bastian (Lan Xichen), Richardson Script (Lan Wangji), and Wintersoul (Jiang Cheng)
Tumblr insists on eating and doubling text in this section at its own whim, so if there's something missing that you're curious about, feel free to DM me an ask!
#ffwad#renegadelovesfic#fanfiction writers appreciation day#renegade bindery#ficbinding#fanbinding#purplephloxpress#adventures in bookbinding#the untamed#mdzs#xicheng#noppoh
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How would the SVE adventurers and mages react to the fact that the Farmer gave peace to the shadow people by bringing the souls of their loved ones to them? We see Magnus and Marlon be very confused about why the shadow people are acting so weird (I.E not attacking anymore), so how would they and the others feel about getting the news that the Farmer just... casually brought peace between the shadow people and humans just because they could?
(Also, sorry if I'm flooding your inbox too much I just really like your content-)
Please don't ever feel like you're flooding here. I'm always happy to see you and others in my askbox ☺️💕 Thanks so much for the question, hope you enjoy it!
Be warned - this post is so, so long....
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Absolutely everyone has noticed a change in the behavior of the shadow people..... In the mines of the Stardew Valley, in the Highland caves, even in the Crimson Baldlans. Everywhere this civilization resided, great changes had taken place.
A topic that became a furor for all the inhabitants of the magical world. The young monster hunters in the recent reports that the shadow shamans, instead of their usual aggression towards them, had simply... retreated. Where? Why? Mages have been discussing for days now that they have stopped noticing shadow people at all in their raids.
All of this did not go unnoticed, and the Ministry of Magic along with the Order of Pythagoras became very worried because of such a drastic change in the monsters' behavior. The Guild heads and the First wizard and witches already called several secret meetings in a row to find out who or what caused this event.
Farmer's friends and acquaintances were also there, puzzling over whether this was a dark plan by a renegade mage to gather an army of shadow people to storm the Crimson Badlands, or an initiative by the shadow people themselves in retaliation to humanity for past wrongs?
Few people realized later that it was enough to ask a young and chaotic farmer to find out the truth about all this...
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Aside from his complete willingness to protect people at the cost of his own life, Lance admits that all the fuss has sparked a genuine curiosity and desire to capture all the details in his book. He still considers the shadow people to be something more than a bunch of mindless and ruthless monsters and hopes that he won't have to spill anyone else's blood. If the pink-haired adventurer is lucky, maybe he can figure out what's going on with shadow people and finish his book.
Whatever the top wizards and adventurers accept, Alesia prepares for a fight. The battle sniper will start training the young warriors of Castle Village even harder, check all the positions of the main wall protecting the settlement, give orders to replenish the arsenal with all weapons, organize shelters in case of irreparable situation.... All hard work, for the sake of saving the people Alesia swore to defend to the last drop of blood.
If the adventurers under Alesia's command had a hard time with the increased training, then for those with Isaac as their boss, the following days became a living hell. No rest, no indulgences. "The monsters will not give you a second to rest or to be weak. Focus!" - was a phrase that had become imprinted on young minds during the training. But Isaac can be understood: he does everything he can to ensure that his charges can defend themselves and others. He doesn't spare himself either: training - sleep, training - sleep. That's his schedule for now.
Jolyne was serious about training her Guild members not only in the use of weapons, but also in battle magic. She has no doubts about Lance's ability to defend himself, but the wise woman worries for the safety of the younger members of The First Slash Clan. Especially if the source of the threat turns out to be the Gotoro Empire, it will be her Guild that will receive the first and most powerful blow from the enemy on the other side of the Gem Sea... So Jolyne can't afford to relax.
While everyone is making a fuss about the shadow people, Camilla has been using all her connections in the magical and non-magical worlds to find out what happened and where. Since the head witch doesn't want to cause any more panic (and also doesn't want the conservative old farts in the Ministry to get in her way), she has quietly begun her search for the cause of the monsters' behaviour. While her own search for the truth began, Camilla quietly poured herself some tea and snacked on sweets, smiling and pretending to take it lightly again so that she would be left alone.
Jadu will sit in the front rows of the meetings and listen to every word of the magicians of the highest rank. He is excited and intrigued - it has been a long time since such a large-scale event, covered with mystery, has taken place in history. And the young mage promised himself to be the first to solve this mystery! Naturally, people's safety is paramount, but Jadu, if possible, won't miss a chance to learn something new about monster behaviour or maybe even a new spell.
Magnus and Marlon were not as excited as the young Castle Village mage. Old and wise, they know for a fact that none of this can bode well. The one-eyed adventurer has sunk even further into depressed thoughts after the day he discovered in the mines that the behavior of the shadow people has changed drastically. Marlon is also worried about the young Guild member, lest they get into trouble because of all this. Magnus, on the other hand, is fully immersed in theories about what this could mean and who might be involved, but also supporting Marlon's concern for Farmer's safety. They're also worried about Krobus's safety, and wondering how to discreetly hide them from the Order when-
Krobus! Of course! And why didn't they immediately realize to ask their shadow friend?
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Leaving the meeting unnoticed, Marlon and Magnus instantly teleported to the sewers beneath Pelican Town, accidentally scaring poor Krobus in the process. After apologising, the purple-haired wizard and the one-eyed adventurer began to ask about what had happened to the shadow people?
''Oh, didn't the Farmer tell you? We made peace. Can you believe this? Peace, finally... With the humans. I didn't think I'd ever see it, but my people are no longer fighting your people. We have a chance to become friends, all thanks to the kindness and endeavour of our friend Farmer. How happy I am!"
Except that it couldn't be said that after hearing this, the old men's faces directly shone with joy. Of course, they both breathed a sigh of relief at the realization that there was no secret conspiracy here, and peace in general after years of confrontation between humans and shadow people. But the fact that Farmer hadn't told anyone about it made them angry. Very angry.
Oh, here comes the culprit of the celebration and all this chaos! Farmer had deigned to come down to the sewers, wanted to treat Krobus to a pumpkin. Except that the young troublemaker didn't expect to see their mentors.... with furious expression. In a moment, Marlon had grabbed Farmer by the collar of their shirt, while Wizard with a snap of his fingers, had moved all three of them into his tower, leaving a confused Krobus with a pumpkin alone.
When Magnus teleported in the tower, he had time to call all the people he had decided to tell for the outcome of the incident. Marlon let go of the frightened Farmer, and barely suppressed the urge to lightly slap them upside the head. He was proud of his apprentice and fellow Guild member's achievement, but not to tell anyone about the peace while everyone else was pissing themselves from stress and training. Even though Farmer didn't know what was happening in Castle Village and elsewhere, it didn't negate the fact that it was their duty to report such important events.
Farmer's familiars teleported over to them in a little less than a minute: first Camilla, as always the first to learn about the news, followed later by Lance and Jolyne, and then Alesia, Isaac, and Jadu.
Magnus decided not to feel sorry for the Farmer this time:
"Well, young one. Is there anything you want to tell us?"
Everyone turned their eyes to Farmer, who craned their head into his shoulders from the scrutiny. Sighing tiredly, the Farmer began their story..... The only difference, though, was not to mention Krobus, so as not to expose their friend to danger, and Magnus and Marlon were grateful for that. But outwardly they didn't show it.
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When Farmer finished their story, there was a heavy silence. With an indignant half-cry of "What?!" Isaac was the first to break the silence. It didn't take long for the profanity to be hurled in the direction of the careless adventurer who had taken their duties so lightly and failed to report for peace with the shadow people. Isaac was angry, furious. So many days of training to learn such truth? Sure, he wouldn't want unnecessary violence and blood, but what the fuck does the Farmer allow themself!
Alesia was more well mannered, but also spoke out with annoyance at Farmer's lack of seriousness about their duties. They should have immediately reported to the head of the Guild or other senior adventurers first. But they didn't think it was important. A serious lapse in discipline.
To be honest - Jadu wasn't as angry as he was intrigued at what the Farmer had done. Peace? With shadow people? That's so exciting! A whole historical event, and when the others are done with their scolding Farmer, Jadu is sure to ask Farmer so many questions about current event.
Lance breathed a sigh of relief as he realised that there was no dire danger. At least not yet. The only one of them to smile sympathetically at Farmer as they blushed under the onslaught of scolding. He, like Jadu, is very interested in asking Farmer questions about how they were able to accomplish what people in the past couldn't. Farmer is a true peacemaker, and Lance bows to the heroism and bravery of the young adventurer. But praise will come later, now it is scolding, for this could have ended in injury, or even death, for Farmer.
Jolyne, on the other hand, decided to cross her arms and watch Farmer blush with a predatory smile. Camilla joined the head of The First Slash and silently watched this funny situation. What was interesting was that both Jolyne and Camilla had guessed Farmer's involvement even before Magnus and Marlon left the meeting, back then. Camilla's connections pointed to Farmer having become suddenly involved in soul gathering at Crimson Baldlans more recently. While Jolyne had seen Farmer leaving the Mines the day the shadow people's behaviour changed. She had been visiting Marlon then, and hadn't paid much attention to Farmer. She should have. Well, all is well now, and she and Camilla are enjoying the comedic situation.
Magnus and Marlon have the last word, as the official mentors of the most chaotic Farmer in the entire world. Farmer were the most unpleasant to listen to their chastisement, with a face the colour of a tomato.
But after the heavy scolding, both mentors thanked Farmer for their exploit, not forgetting to say how proud they were of them. This made the Farmer's mind go even further into a stupor. Even though Farmer had not intentionally created this chaos, and the fact that it could have ended badly for them, none of the people present dared to deny the fact that Farmer had once again done the impossible and that they were grateful for this peace. Everyone agreed with Marlon and Magnus's words, even the grumpy Isaac, and asked that in the future if anything happened, to let them know.
So much for the life and adventures of the disaster Farmer...
#Holy crap this post is so long..... Wow.#like holy moly did i really write it so long#but the idea inspired me so much#thanks for the ask!#i was so excited to write about SVE people again 💕#sve#stardew valley expanded#stardew valley#sve jolyne#sve camilla#sve magnus#sdv wizard#sdv marlon#sve lance#sve jadu#sve isaac#sve alesia#sve headcanon#it's midnight again baby! so if you saw grammar error - sorry 😅#no beta we die like Magnus' and Marlon's hope for one peaceful day without a incidents with chaotic Farmer
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during the times when a certain ghost-type has caught my interest in how sad and miserable he is, i came across another one who might've had it way worse; giratina. (my boring rambles below the cut)
so. giratina. the renegade pokemon who committed a crime so 'heinous' that it was banished to a world that is opposite to ours forever. what makes this big ghost centipede so sad, though?
to me, it's just about how it must've felt like for giratina at that very moment. you are a being of immense power, and you just did something, be it by accident or intentionally. something horrible. something monstrous. and everybody knows it was you, including your siblings and your creator. he is beyond livid with you, and deems you to be a renegade, and your punishment is soon to follow. you are then thrust into a world that is not your own, with only you as its sole inhabitant. there is no time, no space to hold it, nothing that fits the mold of how a world is supposed to act and be. you cry out in regret of what you have done. no response. you destroy everything in your confined little world as you cannot comprehend the situation that you are in. you're angry. you're sorry. you didn't mean it. you meant every part of it. it's all scary, and it's your burden to bare. the years go by. you don't know how, but you feel it. one day, someone brings you back into the world in promise of making sure you can get back and the one who put you in your confinement. you agree, and it all ends up blowing up in your face as you are bested by a hero that was handpicked by said father. the person who promised you your vengeance calls you a coward for fleeing. you find out about about desire in the heart of man, and what some lengths one will go to in the pursuit of it. you retreat to your prison and hope to never return to the surface. it's better that way. a millennia passes, and another human is trying to alter the universe to his own desire and how he sees fit. you return to find your siblings being lead in chains by him. you stop him and bring him to your own dimension. permanently.
you no longer care about what your father thinks of you. you are your own person. but a tiny part of you wishes that he could still see you as his child.
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"Ashen Stark"
Age 30, Seeker of the Sun. Black hair with grey streaks.
Pirate and pirate hunter, bounty hunter, Maelstrom renegade.
Skilled in various combat disciplines; recent information tells that his weapon-of-choice lately has been the gunblade.
Known to be violent and ruthless.
Bounty rating: EXTREMELY DANGEROUS
Reward: 500,000,000 gil
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"Five hundred million...am I truly that cheap to them?"
The dark-haired miqo'te chuckled to himself, pulling his cloak hood up further, shadows of the fabric obscuring his scarred face. He turned from the bounty board towards the tavern door, stalking through the dense crowds to return to his sloop.
The weather was rainy, but not unmanageable to one well-versed in the shipman's arts. A grizzled roegadyn stood at a booth guarding the docks, eyeing up each sailor as they returned to their vessels.
The cloaked miqo'te took his turn, standing at attention before the booth, tail flicking anxiously. This was a doomed quest from the start; stepping foot into a den of bounty hunters with a sizeable bounty on one's head was not his smartest idea.
"Oi catboy, remove th' hood, lemme see yer face," the roegadyn demanded, squinting through the curtain of rain at the miqo'te's hooded visage.
The miqo'te's eyelid twitched the slightest bit in irritation, and he put on his most placating voice, clasping his hands together and nodding for emphasis; "I've not the time for that, mate, you can see me just fine. Now just let me out to my ship so I can return to the route, I'm going to be late for the shipment-"
With a loud bang the roegadyn slammed his fist on the desk, leaning far forward out of the booth to glare directly into the miqo'te's golden pools with his own beady orbs. "I'on like ya all that much, lad. An' ye know what we do 'round this port to folks the dockmanager don't like?" he growled, loud enough to catch the attention of nearby sailors and bounty hunters, who all began to watch over their mugs of ale. The roegadyn reached forward, snatching at the miqo'te's hood and yanking it back, revealing his telltale scarred face.
"It's Stark! Off yer arses, boys! We have a cat to string up!" Recognizing his face almost immediately from the bounty posting, the dockmaster let out a shout, loud enough to be heard across the docks even over the rainfall. With battle shouts to match, nearly every other sailor and bounty hunter sprang from their seats, spilling ale in their haste to draw their weapons and make to the docks.
Ashen let out a grunt of annoyance, expertly chopping at a nerve on the dockmanager's wrist, before sprinting down the docks to his sloop. The cracks of gunfire joined the cacophony of shouting and clatter of boots on wood, bullets whizzing past the miqo'te; a few pierce through the fabric of his cloak, nearly grazing his arm.
"Bloody fucking- oh Lizbeth is going to kill me for getting holes in this cloak..." he groaned between breaths, drawing his gunblade, slashing the rope securing his sloop to the dock, and kicking off the moment he lands from leaping into the vessel.
A few sea dogs manage to reach him, but deft slashes from Ashen's gunblade dispatch them with terrifying efficiency. One overconfident bounty hunter leaps from the dock to the retreating sloop, but Ashen launches a swift roundhouse kick to his torso, launching the poor soul into the water. Ashen takes quick notice of some of the crowd trying to board their own ships in pursiot, and with a laugh he pulls a grenade from his coat, lighting it with a small flick of fire aether, and pitching it onto the dock where it explodes in a magnificent firework; the sparks catch onto the sails of the docked ships even through the rain, and after mere moments the docks became much, much brighter.
Sailing off into the dark, uneasy waters, Ashen breathes a sigh of relief. This escape was far too narrow for it's own good. "Not a single damned parchment...he must have the entire hunter's underbelly in his hand." he sighs, punching into his fist. Glaring out into the moonlit waters, he raises sail, taking up the oar handles and beginning to row. Golden eyes glinting in the dark, only one singular thought resonates within the back of his mind;
"I will find you, Dread Captain of the Flame, and I will have your head."
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#Ashenverse#ffxiv#final fantasy xiv#ff14#final fantasy 14#final fantasy#ffxiv oc#ffxiv wol#ffxiv gpose#ffxiv screenshots#original character#stories#pirates
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Back in April, I was fortunate enough to attend the 2nd Renegade Retreat out in Minneapolis, MN. I had an incredibly good time, cannot stress enough how excellent all the folks involved were.
Repeatedly attempted to pull together a written summary of it, but there was just so much and I feel cautious referencing the online personalities of so many people met in person for fear of bleeding out information that's not mine to share.
Instead, just a small collage of photos that captures some of the time there and a handful of words: libraries, books, friends, food, hot weather, cold weather, science, paper, books, crafting, a touch too many crosses, fountain pens, projects, books, late nights, learning, swimming pools, s'mores, walking 'n talking, colors, chaos, charm, and did I mention books?
#maybe I'll try again later to have a more coherent summery?#perhaps it's private post material...#renegade retreat#bookbinding#thinking about internet friends#I cherish each and every interaction I had with folks there#and long for that company again
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Story. And Don't Look Back
Previous | Next
[ID: 9 digitally sketch panels in greyscale and some green.]
[Panel 1: Shot from within the van. Hare leans out, calling to The Jack, who looks back, expression scared. The RO-bot has taken the contraband duffel bag from The Jack. Behind them, Becile Manor continues to burn. The Skull can be seen kneeling in the bottom left corner. Hare yells, (all caps" "Jack!! Jump in!!"]
[Panel 2: The Jack SFX: "jump!"s into the van and Hare swings the door closed behind him. From the still open side of the back of the van, The Skull shoots his revolver at the RO-bot (not pictured) with SFX: (all caps) "Bang!". Scratch has collapsed against The Skull, who is holding him with one arm around his shoulder, hand on his chest. In the front of the van, Riker looks back in confusion and shock.]
[Panel 3: Close up of The Skull in profile, still holding his revolver, who turns his head to shout at Riker, (all caps) "Drive!!"]
[Panel 4: The van takes off with SFX: (all caps) "screeee" while Hare pulls the other back door closed with SFX: "Swing." Pebbles and dirt catch the light as the wheels kick them up, and the tail lights trail behind the van. The tree line is seen in the distance with the sun rising behind them.]
[Panel 5: Agent Ester looks at the RO-bot, which has turned back to her and is holding the duffel bag high for her to see. The van is retreating into the distance.]
[Panel 6: Ester put her left index finger up to her left ear, which emits a green light. Her expression is impassive as she says, "The contraband has been recovered, we have the documents of Thadeus Becile, and the renegade has been neutralized. Buster will be pleased."]
[Panel 7: Ester looks across the yard toward the headless, still body of Locksmith. She says, "(ellipses) And one of you, retrive that body."]
[Panel 8: The top of the treeline with the run rising behind them, catching the edges of the branches. Ester says in overlay, "It'll be of interest to R&D."]
[Panel 9: In the bottom right corner, the van drives away in silhouette, puffs of cloud in its wake. End ID.]
#becile bots#steam powered giraffe#fanbots#story update#and don't look back#the jack becile#hare becile#the skull becile#riker szarka#agent ester#blog art
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Binderary week 1 book 1! This is Until My Feet Bleed and My Heart Aches, a bangin' Victuuri fic by @kazliin.
This book was SO fun to make, because it's made with the work and materials of several people! All my love to @ziezie13 for sharing her typeset, which is drop-dead GORGEOUS <3 My favorite parts are the handwritten titles, the QR codes which link to recordings of the program music during certain scenes, and the mock-ups of the in-universe AO3 pages for Victor and Yuuri, which are labeled as "Figure Skating RPF." Genius!
The beautiful cover paper (which reminds me so much of an ice skating rink, so I just had to use it for this fic!) was a gift from either @humanalias or @aetherseer at Havencon 2022 (ACK I'm so sorry I can't remember - so many supplies were traded and gifted that fateful weekend! I didn't realize how important I would think it a year later to document who I got what from, but something for me to keep in mind at this year's Renegade retreat, mayhaps...and also now I know to pack as much paper as I can, to return to favor :3). So thank you so much to everyone who made this book possible! <333
ALSO y'all should absolutely check out Zie's copy here, which is printed on 11"x 17" sheets of paper, so each page is 8.5" x 11". In other words it's DOUBLE the size of my copy, which is already pretty chonky. She made it HUGE--it's hard to tell from the linked pics--but it's literally over 4.5 pounds of pure book (@simply-sithel said it best: you feel like an epic wizard holding it!)
#yuri on ice#victuuri#bookbinding#fanbinding#ficbinding#binderary2023#Until My Feet Bleed and My Heart Aches#Reiya#not my fic
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Come Home Chapter Ten
Joel Miller x F! Reader
Word count: 4,297
The aftermath of events in the town leads Joel to see you in a new light.
Warnings for canon typical violence and bloodshed. Slight spoiler regarding a wound that Joel will (presumably) receive in the series, but no mention of how it actually happens.
Come Home
Chapter Ten - Every Cloud
When Joel wakes it’s still dark outside, the winter sun slow to rise. He stirs, sits up with a grunt and stretches his arms above his head before rolling his shoulders.
“Mornin’,” he mutters, his voice thick with sleep and even huskier than usual.
“Not quite yet,” you say with a smile. “You can get another hour if you want.”
“Naw, I’m good,” he replies before shuffling out of the sleeping bag and sitting on the edge of the camp bed. “But I think you should,” he adds as he takes in your tired face.
“I’d be offended if I wasn’t going to definitely take you up on that offer,” you joke.
He smiles and stretches again as he stands, his plaid shirt riding up a little over his hips and revealing a flash of skin, a smattering of dark hair under his belly button. You see a scar on his abdomen – a puckered and darkened circular patch that you assume must have come from a gunshot and you wonder how he could have survived such a wound.
Casting your eyes to the ground, you make a show of fiddling your book back into your bag and by the time you yourself stand up, he has strolled over to his own pack. You collapse gratefully back onto the camp bed, immediately snuggling into the sleeping bag and briefly recognising that you feel cosy and warm and surrounded by his musky, masculine scent before drifting back off.
Breakfast is brief for horses and humans alike, and by the time you’ve repacked your now much emptier saddlebags and backpacks, the sky is still periwinkle blue, shot through with clouds of lilac and pink. The plan is simple. Bring the horses to a spot near to the large store and find a suitable and secure garage to leave them for a while. Then, quietly proceed on foot and investigate what you can of yesterday’s shootout. If all goes well, you’ll hit the store after that and start the ride back to Jackson in the early afternoon. If.
The first part of the day goes without a hitch. A street of large colonial townhouses with an eerie, faded beauty that are situated between the store and your exit is discovered, and you and Joel make a thorough sweep of one before settling the horses in the empty garage with a supply of food and water.
Next, you gingerly approach the main street, skirting the alleys and smaller roads that lead away from it until you come upon the scene that you had watched play out yesterday. All is silent and still, the only movement coming from the icy breeze that ruffles the tattered clothing of the infected and the blood and brain-stained hair of the one who hadn’t been given a chance to turn.
His clothes are military, a hodge-podge of a bullet proof vest with a faded FEDRA logo on the breast, dark camo pants and battered, yet sturdy combat boots. It wasn’t a complete FEDRA uniform, and the guns and ammo that you liberate from his lifeless body aren’t standard FEDRA issue, but there was every chance that he was some sort of renegade, disillusioned with the status quo in a QZ and seeking a different sort of life beyond its walls. Or he could have murdered a group of them and taken what he wanted. Either way these clearly aren’t your run of the mill survivors and you and Joel exchange a meaningful glance and you feel the tension in the air tighten.
As you follow the path of where they had retreated, you see more dead infected – six in all, plus another of their number face down in the snow, the exit wound in his head gaping to the sky. His ammo and guns are also taken and the mental tally in your head ticks down one more. Three to go. That you know of at least.
Nothing impedes your progress along the road. There are more dead infected scattered here and there but no one else, and even as you are grateful that these people seem to have saved you the job of clearing the town yourselves, you are on edge. They are heavily armed. There are more of them than you. And they know how to defend themselves. An unhappy, acid feeling settles itself into your guts as you finally enter what was a parking lot long ago, your objective looming ahead and looking both welcoming and sinister in equal measures.
The doors are thrown open and the glass and splintered wood that lie on the ground speak to a violent and hasty entry. The ivy that has twisted its way around the debris shows that this happened long ago. The trampled leaves, however, are immediately obvious as a newer development. Joel sees it as you do, and you both draw your guns before you enter.
The store isn’t as intact as you had previously thought. Part of the ceiling has caved in, relatively recently given the absence of plant life covering the chasm above. It serves to shed some welcome light, though it also deepens the shadows at the extremities of the space. The shelves you can see are mostly bare, a few pathetic looking bottles and dusty packages scattered here and there.
It doesn’t take long before you spot it up ahead. It’s unmistakeable - that weird, hunched up way of standing some runners have, like they’re weeping into their hands for their lost humanity. Joel taps your arm and mimes to you that he will take care of it quietly, but that you should cover the situation just in case. You nod your understanding and he carefully and slowly tucks his pistol away, careful not to make any noise. Just because you hadn’t heard any clickers, didn’t mean that there weren’t any.
He sneaks between the shelves, ensuring that the runner’s back is to him. It continues to rock on its feet, making those awful sobbing noises that had haunted you for years after the initial outbreak. Closer…closer…until he lunges, grabbing the infected by the neck, his meaty forearm enclosing it in a crushing chokehold. It struggles, hissing noises and gurgles emanating from its steadily shattering larynx until finally it succumbs to the inevitable. Joel gently and silently lowers it to the floor before you move to join him. The infection was fresh, the same mix of camo and FEDRA uniform that you saw outside garbs it. Two to go.
The sports section of the store is, inevitably, a mess. Almost anything that could be construed as a weapon, as well as the weapons themselves, are gone. Shelving units lie in disarray and glass from casings are smashed to smithereens and mixed with the debris from the fallen roof. Cautiously, picking your way over the mess of the floor, you hug a wall with a tattered, half fallen banner proclaiming 50% off something or other. Joel is an aisle over, treading softly as he moves his torch and gun over the shadows toward the back of the store. You hear the soft shuffle of leather and then the scrape of metal as he picks up a baseball bat from where it has been abandoned and recognise the wisdom in having a quieter weapon to hand while you don't seem to be in any immediate danger from the living, putting your own gun away in favour of drawing your machete.
The mirrored side of a display case saves your life. A flicker of movement in its dirty glass grabs your attention a split second before a hoarse shout comes from beyond a previously unseen doorway, and suddenly a runner is barrelling at full speed toward you out of the changing rooms, its bloody fingers clawing at the air ahead of it in anticipation of reaching your face. You dimly register another scream from the darkness to your left, and push it out of your mind as you take aim and slam your machete as hard as you can into the head of the thing in front of you. Blood explodes from it, and it falls to the floor twitching, still howling, still trying to get at you until you wrench your weapon out and hit it again, this time stilling it for good.
Another scream in the darkness ahead and your blood freezes as you try to tug the machete free. It won’t come, buried too deeply as it is in the skull of the monster on the ground. You fumble for your gun instead, but it’s too late. A force slams into you, knocking you to the floor, rattling your teeth and driving the breath from your body as well as the gun from your holster. Rolling eyes and teeth and blood and deafening snarling in your ears as you brace against the writhing runner’s neck with one arm and scrabble on the floor for something, anything with the other. The broken shard of glass that you drive into its eye does minimal damage and you know you have mere seconds before it breaches your defences. Something heavy, something sharp brushes against your hand and you grab on to it properly before wedging it up between your bodies and driving it fully into the nightmare face above you. It stills, finally it stills and you push it off quickly to go and help Joel, who is in fact already scrambling to come and help you after having defeated his own foe.
“Fuck,” he breathes heavily. “Are you alright?”
“Yeah…yeah, I’m okay,” you reply quietly, your own breath coming in stunted gasps.
“You’re bleeding.” His voice is dull, suddenly devoid of emotion and you look down at your red-stained palm, holding it up to him so he can see the clean slash of it.
“Glass,” you reply. “Or maybe-“ You turn back to observe your handiwork.
“Well…that’s a new one,” he remarks wryly. The hockey skate is just as firmly embedded in the second runner’s skull as your machete is buried in the first and you can’t help the bubble of nervous laughter that bursts from your lips.
“You sure you’re not hurt?” he asks again, his meaning clear as he hands you a bandage for your hand.
“It got my coat. Didn’t go through,” you confirm as you briefly shed the garment to show him your distinctly blood-and-bite free arm. “Thank God its cold and I have twenty six layers on.”
Joel manages to wrench your machete free and wipes it unceremoniously on the runner’s jacket before giving it over to you.
“Thanks,” you murmur. “Guess there were more of them.”
“Guess so-“ he begins before you both whirl at another noise from the back of the store. No clicking, no howling screams. This sounds more like someone trying to move stealthily through the mess on the floor. Joel tenses, draws his gun again and you move quietly together toward the sound. It came from the direction of the large counter at the back, long-silent cash registers standing atop it like sentinels.
There is no one behind there, but there is a door, a large “Staff Only” sign on it. Joel motions for you to step back then grasps the handle and gently turns it, but before he can push, it flies open and another figure hurtles through. The man clearly hoped to get some sort of jump on you, but Joel is ready and merely turns, using the man’s own momentum to hurl him, dumping him to the floor before training his pistol unerringly at the man’s head.
“Don’t fuckin’ move,” Joel growls.
Your own gun is back in your hands, without you really remembering drawing it, and you step forward, also with the man in your sights. He’s young-ish. Thirty maybe, definitely born before the world went to shit, but probably doesn’t remember much about it. He has the same FEDRA vest on, the same combat boots.
Joel backs away, keeping his gun trained on the man who takes the opportunity to sit up, his hands held in surrender.
“I said don’t fuckin’ move!”
“Okay, okay,” the man acquiesces, settling back down on the floor and holding his hands up further in deference and defeat. “Let’s just be cool about this.” He eyes Joel warily, and then his gaze skates over to you. They linger on your chest and you feel a swirl of disgust in your stomach.
“Where are the rest?” you ask, your voice clipped and harsh as you demand an answer.
The man looks you up and down again before he gives a gloomy kind of giggle his head lolling back against the door behind him. “Dead. But you got ‘em from what I could hear.”
“Why are you here?” Joel demands.
“Why does anyone do anything anymore? Survival, man. A couple of us were looking for stuff in here when we heard the gunshots outside. Apparently one of my buddies got bit before he made it inside. Turned in the night. We had a pact, man. You get bit, you tell. Guess when the time came he was too chickenshit to actually do it. I hid in there." He jabs a thumb behind him in the direction of the door. "Let it play out”
“And what about you?” Joel asks menacingly, advancing a few steps forward.
“Woah, woah, easy. I’m clean. I swear.” Joel doesn’t move and you can almost hear the gears turning in his head, weighing up the cost of believing this stranger. “Though I guess I would say that,” the man adds in a quieter tone of voice.
“Prove it,” you say in an icy tone.
His voice is now distinctly skeevy for someone with two guns trained at his head. “Hey lady, how should I do that? Huh? You want me to strip? At least buy me a drink first, sheesh.”
You roll your eyes. “Look, fucko, either you can prove it, or I can shoot you. Take your pick.”
The man looks toward Joel as if he thinks he will find some succour in that granite monolith. Unsurprisingly, he does not.
“Un-fucking-believable,” the man mutters as he begins to stand.
“Slowly,” Joel barks.
The man obeys, taking off his bulletproof vest, his thick sweater and t shirt. By the time he is unlacing his boots and pulling them off he is shivering in the frigid air, but you can’t find it in yourself to care much. You still don’t know what you’ll do if he is clean. Take him back to Jackson? Send him away in the opposite direction with supplies and best wishes? His very presence so close to the town is a threat and your grip tightens painfully on your gun as he finally straightens up, now just in his boxer shorts.
“See?” he says, making a slow, shuffling revolution. You dip your torch up and down his body, checking that he is being truthful. It appears he is, though his skin is marred by reddish black bruises as well as several distinctive scars, some healed, others very fresh, one still covered with a dressing that looks to be several days old.
“Fine. Get dressed.” Joel still doesn’t move as he gives the order. By the brevity of his tone you guess that his thoughts are running along the same path as yours.
“So uh…where are you guys from?” the man says, his voice entirely too over-eager.
“None of your goddamn business,” growls Joel.
“Gotta be close,” he continues, seemingly blithely unaware of the danger he was digging himself deeper into. “Look like you’re well fed, got plenty of supplies. And I didn’t hear a car draw up so…” He trails off as he pulls the sweater back over his head and faces you again.
“And what about you?” you ask, eyes narrowing as you step forward. “Any more of your ex-FEDRA buddies in the area? Or did you just happen to come across a group of them and they gave up their shit willingly?”
The man huffs another brief and humourless laugh. “Not willingly. Some patrol moving from one QZ to another. Or scouting supplies, who knows? I lived under FEDRA long enough. My conscience is clear.” Well…you supposed you couldn’t blame him for that attitude.
“As for where we come from. Here and there. We got a camp a few miles away. Lots of people. Women and children too.” His tongue comes out to wet his lips, an involuntary gesture. “Matter of fact my girl’s pregnant. We were just looking for a place to settle, thought this might be the one-“
A harsh burst of laughter escapes your lips. “Now that…that is bullshit.” Out of the corner of your eye you see Joel’s gaze flick to you briefly as you take another step forward to fall in line with him. “And you wanna know how I know that? You’re beat up pretty bad. And I know what the aftermath of a goddamn knife fight looks like. If you really had a safe, cosy home to be in nearby, you wouldn’t have wounds that fresh or dressings that old. Or maybe your “buddies” just enjoyed stabbing you for fun, hmm?” A steely note of fear has crept into the man’s eyes, robbing him of his previous facetious demeanour and you know you’ve hit the mark.
“And besides that,” you continue softly. “You’ve been eyefucking me every moment we’ve been here. There are no women at your camp, if you even have a camp. And if there are I feel desperately fucking sorry for them. You’re a liar.” On the last word, you pull the trigger. He doesn’t even get a sound out before he collapses to the ground, the inside of the back of his skull now decorating the door and wall behind him.
Tucking your gun away, you turn back to Joel. “Well...shall we?”
More guns and ammunition are found in the Staff Only area, as well as some food and first aid supplies. The store also gives up a couple of bows and some arrows, as well as some screwdrivers, nails, winter clothing and a lone pack of sanitary pads. It holds some more frivolous items too, including what you hope will be Ellie’s Christmas present. You debate with yourself for a full minute about how hygienic some of this stuff could be at this point before shrugging and grabbing a few items of make up, feeling an odd little twinge of guilt as you do so.
The ride back to Jackson is peaceful. You feel it seep into your bones. The calm. The still. The certainty that you had done your duty to protect what you had. Joel has an air of pensive distractedness about him and has done since you had left the store lifeless and silent once again. You weren’t entirely sure what he was thinking – if anyone was a closed book it was him – but you didn’t get the impression that he was upset with you in any way. More that he was lost in thought about something or other.
You eat as you ride, pulling out a wrap of venison jerky and offering some to Joel alongside you.
“Thanks,” he says shortly, the first word he’s said since you started the journey back. You’ve just taken a much larger bite than intended when he speaks to you again and when he does his voice is tinged with soft amusement
“You know who you remind me of?”
You look over at him, raise a questioning eyebrow as you attempt to chew the tough meat more hurriedly.
“Bubbles.”
Finally you manage to swallow most of what you’ve bitten off. “Okay, Joel you really gotta stop bringing me in halfway through cryptic conversations.”
He smiles more widely at you before he responds. “You ever see the Powerpuff Girls?”
“…yeah? Didn’t think that would be your kinda thing if I’m honest.”
He drags his gaze away from you and looks out over the snowy landscape ahead. “Not me. My uhhh…my daughter, she loved ‘em when she was little. At one point I swear the whole house was nothin’ but pink and blue and green. She even took up karate, wanted to fight like ‘em before she realised team sports were more her thing.” He smiles more sadly this time and you hardly dare to breathe for fear of breaking whatever spell was making him open up to you like this.
He darts his head up to look at you again and for the first time since you’ve met him, your eyes directly meet his. The dappled, golden sun is catching them repeatedly as the horse plods on, caramel to deepest chocolate and back again as he rides. They are stunningly beautiful, soft in winter’s light and you drop your gaze to his lips, struggling to tune back in to what he is saying.
“You remind me of Bubbles. You look at her and she seems like someone who needs to be taken care of. Sweet.” Wait…does he think you're sweet?
“Cute.” Does he think you’re CUTE?!
“And then you see her in action and you realise she might just be the most dangerous one of all of ‘em.”
Gaping, you stare at him in stunned shock. Of all the conversations you thought you’d ever have with Joel this hadn’t even begun to feature, and it's not just because of the absurdity of the subject matter. You say the only thing your short circuiting brain will allow you to at this time.
“Well…she was my favourite.”
“Mine too. Sarah, she preferred Buttercup.” Ah. The mystery of Sarah resolved, and another piece of the puzzle that is Joel slots into place. His smile fades as he looks at you, and a seriousness permeates his features once again.
“I think we can keep what happened between ourselves. He died in the shootout with the rest. No reason to stir anything up back home.”
“I did what needed to be done-“ you begin, frowning, and he holds up a hand to stop you.
“I agree,” he says smoothly. “But some might see it different because he wasn’t infected. And he was unarmed. Probably think we shoulda brought him back, see how he got on in Jackson. Tommy and Maria are tough sonsabitches, but sometimes they’re too damn good. And some others there barely know what its like outside anymore. They couldn’t survive without other people makin’ the tough calls. It’s easy to judge when you’re sittin’ pretty.
You jaw twitches as you look down at the horse’s mane bobbing up and down in front of you and force down the flare of anger that threatens to overtake. You had been so sure of your righteousness, so certain that it was a good call.
“Hey.” Joel touches your arm, pulls it back so you tug on the reins and both your horses pull up to a stop. Reluctantly, you look up at him.
“If you hadn’ta done it, I would,” he confesses, and you see the truth of it burning fiercely in his eyes.
Later that evening, when you have been welcomed back into town, debriefed, and your found supplies whisked away to join the stores you walk back to your house with Joel, the thrumming levity that always came after a successful foray jangling through you. It was different, though, this time. Joel’s voice saying the words “sweet” and “cute” kept sweeping through your mind, adding to the thrill in your blood. The prospect of the winter’s dance was also a source of warm and pleasant agitation, and you couldn’t remember the last time you were excited about something that didn’t revolve around food or supplies. Then there was Ellie’s Christmas present, something which you also hoped would involve Joel, and as you walk up your porch steps you gear yourself up to ask him what you need to.
“So…I have a bit of a weird question to ask you.”
“Oooh my favourite kind,” he smiles, leaning against the wooden frame of your porch as he looks up at you.
“Are there any lakes or big ponds in Jackson?”
“Uh… not within the walls, but there’s a lake not too far out. You wanna go ice fishin’ or somthin’?”
“Not exactly. But if you can stand to come out with me for another day, there’s something I’d like to do.”
“I think I could stand that,” he smiles as he folds his arms and shifts his weight to one leg. “Wanna tell me what it’s all about, Bubbles?”
The nickname catches you off guard and you giggle. “What, have I gotta call you Mojo Jojo now?”
“Naw, no way am I as smart as that monkey.”
You laugh, fully laugh as the joy you have been feeling finally spills past your lips and his eyes crinkle to black as his smile grows wider.
“It's gonna be a surprise,” you grin. “But to sweeten the deal, I promise I’ll bring some coffee.”
“Yup. Sold,” he says, stretching out his hand for you to seal the deal. You take it, and your skin tingles as his thumb lightly brushes over the back of your hand. This time, he holds you for a beat longer than necessary and when he finally drops it you’re surprised to see his grin recede into something almost coy.
“Well, goodnight,” he says a little gruffly, pushing himself away from your porch and heading over to his own.
“Night Joel,” you reply, your voice emerging more tenderly than you had anticipated.
He gives a final wave before disappearing into his house, and you step inside your own to be alone with your happy yet tumultuous thoughts.
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we waste the same day like nobody dies by @magpieandwhale, illustrated by @cloudy-recesses
I've lovingly referred to this project as "We Waste the Same Day Like Nobody Dies: The Illustrated Edition" ever since its inception [mumblemumble] months ago (since, if you haven't seen it yet, @teleportbooks also made a beautiful binding of the same series!). magpieandwhale is another friend I've known for TWENTY FREAKIN YEARS somehow; I knew I was going to make her a copy of this as soon as she finished it, and I had the great joy of giving it to her in person last week while in her city for a family wedding ❤️
This was another design that got slammed sideways at the last minute by finding the perfect cover paper. Last month, Renegade Publishing had its first-ever retreat, which included plenty of paper for swap and sale -- and what should I find on the swap table but that incredible gold-and-black Art Deco-ish stuff? It fit so well with the titling I'd already done that I immediately switched it up from a full cloth binding to a quarter-binding, with an inset carved out of the board for the title to sit in. For contrast (and a little intentional clashing), I went with silver-and-black on the endpapers, to play with the idea of Xue Yang and Wang Haoxuan as two not-quite-separate entities with much more in common than either wanted to believe.
The spheres in the cover design reference a scene partway through the third story, "shatter what you will not carry":
Xiao Zhan twirls his pen and digs up a fresh piece of scratch paper. “Okay. Think of a ball of some sort.”
“Make it a football,” Yibo says, bone-dry. Involuntarily, Haoxuan laughs. His real legacy, right there.
Xiao Zhan scoffs. “Too complicated, I’m not drawing that.” He sketches out a sphere. “A ping-pong ball. One half is black, one half is white.” He draws a vertical line down the middle, giving it dimension, shading it into a half-moon. “Do you get it? Two colors, one ball. If you rotate it so one color is facing you, the other is still there. Sound familiar?”
Haoxuan glances at Yibo; his gaze is fixed on Haoxuan, stolid. It bores into him. Haoxuan swallows. He dabs his face with a napkin.
Xiao Zhan keeps narrating. His pen dashes across the image. “Okay, now spin the ball on its axis. It’s still the same ball, it’s still got both colors on each side. But now that it’s in motion, the colors blend. The ball is.” He wrinkles his nose. “Gray. Should have chosen better colors. But now it’s a whole new thing, still with its component parts. Are you following?”
And the art! THE ART. cloudy-recesses, thank you so so much for letting me include so many of your incredible pieces -- whether they were made especially for the fic or just so fitting that magpieandwhale yelled "THAT ONE! I LOVE THAT ONE!" as we were hashing out what to include.
You can read the whole series at the link above, and see a whole lot more of cloudy-recesses's art on their Tumblr!
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