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remusluvr · 9 months

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i've got soul but i'm not a soldier | remus lupin

summary: Remus can't stay away from you anymore. You can't either. content: fem reader, p in v, lovey-dovey ness, love confessions, mentions of eating (directed towards Remus, nothing bad though), unprotected sex, unedited note: based off this request

"Where are you going?"

He's laid out on your couch, face turned to the tv until you walk into the room. He looks comfortable and you wish you could change out of your dress into sweatpants and curl up with him. But you can't so you shake the thought off, finishing putting in your earrings.

"Out, Wyatt asked me on a date. We're going to that new restaurant downtown." He sits up on the couch, hands rubbing down the length of his thighs.

"Will you come back tonight?"

"Oh, uh, I'm not sure. You know I don't mind you staying here. Don't feel like you need to leave." He hums in response, eyeing you as you search for your purse and wallet. His arm is thrown around the back of the couch as he watches you in your pretty black dress and pretty shoes. The clacking against the floor warms his soul.

"I don't like Wyatt-"

You roll your eyes. You've already had this conversation - "It doesn't matter if you like Wyatt, Remus. I like him." and "Well, it should matter what your best friend thinks."

"-Why can't you just stay with me? Quality friend bonding. We can even watch that stupid movie you like."

"Hard offer to decline but I'm already running a little late so we'll have to put a pin in this conversation." Walking over to him, he leans his head back on the couch. You lean down and kiss his forehead, leaving a bit of your lipstick on the skin. Your thumb rubs it away. "I'll see you later."

And with that, you leave. It used to be easier to get you to cancel dates and stay with him the whole night. You used to jump at the opportunity but now it's like you're jumping away from him. Maybe you are, maybe you're tired of liking him as more than friends should like the other so you're putting a stop to it.

He's left all alone on your couch. Secretly, he hopes your date crashes and burns.

You laugh all the way through dinner and practically plan your second date right then and there. He's just the type of guy you like. Handsome, intelligent, tall, sweet.

And at the end of the night, Wyatt walks you to the door, kisses you on the cheek, and tells you he'll call. Remus sees this from his position on the balcony, cigarette held idly between his fingers. He also sees the way you deflate after he walks away. Was it not a good date? Did Wyatt treat you badly?

"Have fun?" he asks, walking back in through the screen door. You startle, clutching at your chest as you mess with the buckle on your shoes.

"I did. We had a good time."

Remus wants to scream. He wants to be the one taking you on a date so badly. Everything inside of him yells at him to grow a pair, to finally bite the bullet. But, he can't bring himself to risk your friendship. You mean too much to him.

His heart is weighed down. The last thing he wants is for you to get into a relationship. It'll ruin everything. He won't be able to stay over as much, won't be able to hold you when you're having a bad day, won't be able to do any of the things he loves doing with you.

Wyatt's good for you, he'll make you happy. It's what you keep telling yourself in your head. You hate that you can't get Remus out of your head.

Remus feels erratic like he's clutching at straws with you, trying to get you to like him back. And you feel crazy for even thinking of him as more than a friend. You feel like a bad friend.

"Do you need help with those?" he laughs, watching the way you're still struggling to get the clasp of your shoe undone. Laughing, you kick your foot out towards him and he joins you on the floor. His nimble fingers are a much better fit for the job than your shaky ones. His hands rub your foot before working on the other one.

How are you supposed to not love him?

You thank him with a kiss on the cheek. He swoons, making you giggle at him.

"You look very pretty," he whispers, helping you stand up. Your face grows hot at his compliment as you wave him off, trekking back to your bedroom to change into your pajamas and wash your face for the night. He follows you. "I mean it. Wyatt's a lucky guy."

You don't say anything as you get ready for bed. He loves this time of the night, loves how comfortable you feel with him. And he especially loves the way he can pretend you're his. The moment is so domestic that it makes him feel dizzy and when you crawl onto the bed beside him, he digs himself deeper into his hole.

"Did you eat?" you ask, getting comfortable under your blankets. He shakes his head and you scold him, "Remus. You need food. You're always such a grouch when you don't eat."

"I am not the grouch when I don't eat. You are," he bites back, fingers poking at your side. You take offense, sitting up to look at him better.

"Why must you be so mean to me?" you tease, fake-crying so he'll feel bad. It works as it always does, and he cradles you into his arms, hand stroking your hair.

He knows you're faking, anyone in their right mind would know you're faking but it gives him an excuse to touch you. And you like the way he gets so protective over you. Nothing could ever affect you in this moment. His heart twists and his mouth moves faster than he can think.

"I'm glad we know each other."

"You're such a sap," you giggle, pulling your face away from his chest.

"Only for you." His tongue darts out, wetting his lips as you settle yourself into his neck. Your breath tickles him but he doesn't mind. The moment is so delicate he's afraid any movement could shatter it. "I feel like I'm losing you."

"Why? Because I went on a date?"

"Kinda, Wyatt's going to take you from me. But, also just cause I feel like you have been acting differently toward me."

Remus is right. You have been acting sort of differently. You don't reach out to him much, he's usually the one that just shows up on your doorstep.

"I'm sorry, I don't mean to." You do mean to. It's easier to get over your feelings for someone if you have less contact with them. Maybe it doesn't exactly work if when you are with that person you act like this. All cuddly and wanting for him.

Wyatt was supposed to be a new start. He was a boy that actually liked you and that wanted to be with you. He was kind and loved to hear you ramble. He was respectful and handsome. You should like Wyatt, but you can't get Remus out of your head. You never have been and you never will, you fear.

"(Y/N)?" he asks after you've grown quiet for longer than usual. You hum. He tries to calm the shake in his body. "Please don't see him again."

"What?" you ask, sitting up, still in his lap.

"Please don't go on another date with him." He knows he sounds pathetic, begging for you, but he can't help it.

"Remus, why?" His hair is messy and he looks adorable.

"I can't see you with him. You shouldn't be with him. He's not right for you and I think you know that." You do know that. He swallows his fear as he continues on, "It's not fair that I can't have you. You mean everything to me and I can't see you with him. It hurts too much."

You're silent and his brain is screaming at him. His face is on fire as you look at him. He's an idiot. Why did he say anything? His throat burns with the threat of incoming tears and he swallows hard, pushing them away.

"I won't see him again." The look on his face melts you. It's one of confusion mixed with relief. You lean forward to ease his confusion, pressing your lips to his. He takes you willingly, hands holding your face. You whine when he pulls away first, chasing after his lips as he catches his breath.

You have a stupid smile on your face. He mirrors your expression as his head tips back against your headboard.

"You look pretty," you whisper, kissing at the exposed skin of his neck. His hands have a firm grip on your hips. You smile against his skin when he whimpers at your nibbling. "So, so pretty."

"Y-you should look at yourself," he whispers back, eyes shut as you kiss behind his ear. He can't believe his luck. He has the girl he's wanted since school in his lap, calling him pretty and biting at his ear. He must've died and gone to heaven for this to be happening.

"I wish you had said something sooner. Or I wish I had told you. Never would've even thought about another guy."

Yeah, he has to be dead.

"Lily's been nagging me to just tell you. She doesn't like Wyatt either," you mumble, enjoying the way he's so intoxicated on you. He likes your boldness. It doesn't happen often but the rush from your love confessions must have you giddy. You press kisses along his jawline, stopping at his lips. "You mean so much to me, was just scared that you'd freak out and leave me, y'know."

"Yeah, I get that," he sighs, deepening the kiss. His hand holds the back of your head to keep your face to his. It makes you feel shy. You know the perfect way to really kill him but you've never seen Remus in this light before and the knowledge of that strikes you down. He's left to be the bolder one, flipping you over and pressing you against your pillows.

You're panting into his mouth and he's loving every single second of it. He loves to be in control, loves having you yearning for more underneath him. Any composure he thought he had is gone when you pant out, "All I could think about on my date was hoping you were here when I got back."

He moans into your mouth, pulling away to rest his forehead against yours. He's a goner. And despite the fact that he wants to do this right, he can't stop imagining what it would be like to fuck you. He can't though, not yet. He's got one chance and he won't fuck it up.

"You're making this very hard, sweetheart." He knows exactly what he'll do. He'll start with a nice date to a restaurant of your choice, maybe a walk or a drive after to somewhere with a nice view where he will kiss you chastely, and then when you return to either one of your apartments (yours preferably, he's been having a pest problem. the pests being James and Sirius) where he'll fuck you, like a gentleman.

"This?" you ask, voice smooth and sultry as your hand reaches down, palming him over his sweatpants. His plan flies out the window. Your fingers dip into the waistline of his pants, pulling lightly. "Want them off."

"Needy girl," he chastises as though he isn't already on the brink of cumming in his pants. He moves off the bed, removing his pants and boxers before laying back down, allowing you to crawl back over to him, hand wrapping around his cock.

He's definitely died.

You're glad that you don't have any roommates right now with how loud Remus is being. You love it. These are the only sounds you want to hear for the rest of your life. He hates that all the focus is on him.

He reaches out, pulling at the bottom of your shirt. You relent, releasing Remus from your grip to pull your shirt over your head. He sucks in a breath at the lacy bra you're wearing. You must have kept it on after your date.

A tinge of jealousy rushes through his veins at the thought of you wearing it for someone else. It quickly simmers out once he remembers that you're all his now. He smiles, pulling you to sit on his lap again.

"Rem," you sigh when he pulls the cups of your bra down, leaning in to pull one of your nipples between his teeth. He loves the squeak he gets out of you and the way you grind your hips down onto him. "Don't tease me, please."

"You make me so happy." He doesn't know where all this gooeyness is coming from. He's always felt it but the fact that he can say it aloud now has him keening. He watches the flush take over your cheeks as his hands settle on your hips, helping you move against him.

There are a lot of things Remus wants to do to you. He's glad that he has so much time to do them all with you.

It's difficult to focus when you can feel him underneath you. You're so wet that you're sure he'd be able to just slip right inside you, no prep needed. You test your luck, pushing your underwear to the side and guiding him with your hand.

"Oh my fucking god," he whines when you sink down on him. He holds you down, not letting you move. You lean forward, pressing kisses on his face. It's not helping. He needs to cum so bad and the feel of your wet cunt has only increased that feeling by tenfold.

"Let me move, I wanna make you feel good." It takes him a moment but he lets you take the lead, letting his head drop back against the headboard as he watches you. He can never go back to how you were before. He needs this at every moment of every day. "A-ah, you're so big."

"Doing s-such a good job, bunny." That's a new nickname. You like it. You wrap your arms around his neck, burying your face in his neck as you fuck yourself back on him. His hands grip your ass, spreading you open so you can really feel all of him. "So, so perfect for me."

He feels your lips pecking at his neck again and his arms wrap around you, taking complete control as he bounces you down on him. You don't have any time to warn him that you're about to cum before you're cumming. It pushes him right over the edge and he cums inside of you.

"Shit," he groans when he can think again. You're putty in his hands, letting his limp cock rest inside of you, no want to move any time soon. He pushes your face up with a few fingers at your chin. Your eyes are so heavy that they're barely open. He's proud of himself. "I'm sorry, baby."

"What?" you worry, eyes flying open. Did he think this was a mistake? Were you only a fuck to him? You can't go back now, not when you know how good he fucks you.

"I didn't mean to finish inside." Your heart rate returns to normal and you drop back down onto his shoulder, shrugging. You like it. His brain is spinning. His hands rub soothing circles on your back before he's working you off of him, cooing when you hiss at the overstimulation of him pulling out.

"Love you, Rem," you mumble as he helps you get comfortable in bed. He can't resist pressing a kiss to your forehead before reaching over and turning your lamp off.

"Love you too."

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ginevrapng · 6 months

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imagine spending months flirting with remus and he reciprocates but there is a slight age gap, not big enough for you to even think about or other people to think about but he overthinks it and worries he's too old for you, that you're 'wasting your youth' and you should be 'spending time with people your own age'. obviously you think it's rubbish but the thing about remus is he can be hypocritical, he says all this stuff but flirts with you anyway, it's very confusing.

one day he just snaps at you, you've been spending the night at 12 grimmauld place and everyone else has gone to bed, it's just you two and you flirt a bit, no more than usual and that's what shocks you so much at his outburst. "I'm not your boyfriend," he says coldly, in a tone that you've never heard him use directed at you before.

a shiver runs down your spine and you feel like all the warmth leave your body, you hated the way he just talked to you, dismissed you like that. after a moments silence you reply to him quietly, "i never thought you were."

"i never said it was your mistake," he mumbles back softer than before. he gets up from his chair and leaves the room without saying another word.

#remus lupin x reader #remus lupin #remus lupin x reader angst #THIS IS ANGSTY OH MY GOD. I NEVER THOUGHT I'D WRITE ANGST #marauders x reader #marauders angst #marauders x reader angst #remus lupin x you #remus lupin x y/n #older remus lupin x reader #♡ mine / writing #♡ remus #remus lupin angst #hp x reader #harry potter x reader #hp x reader angst #harry potter x reader angst #remus lupin fic #this is kind of a quote from doctor who btw <3 why not combine two british staples that i adore

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madwcman · 2 months

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hear me out,,,, remus lupin as spiderman au 🙌

a/n: i’m hearing you out and literally giggling at the thought of spiderman! remus. thank you for sending me this!!!

pairing: spiderman! remus x reader

“remus i need to take your suit off.”

“take me to dinner first, dove.” remus mutters, before laughing at his own joke. you roll your eyes and reach for the zipper, helping him out of his spider-man suit. you can’t help but gasp. remus has three long gashes. two on his chest and one on his stomach. you continue to look, jaw agape.

“do you like what you see?” he sounds out of breath and a little loopy, but you couldn’t help but blush. of course remus lupin is still flirty when he’s in a lot of pain. you close your mouth and glare at him while helping him into your bed, so you could help bandage him up. it’s mostly silent when you heal remus up except for the small hisses that comes from remus and your quick apologies after.

“do you want to stay the night?” you ask, looking up at remus while putting a bandage on his last scar. “jeez what is up with you trying to get into my pants?” he laughs out again. you push his shoulder lightly, his joke was cheesy like his other one but you didn’t have the heart to say anything.

“yeah, i want to stay the night.” he finally breathes out after laughing.

#remus lupin #spiderman! remus lupin #spiderman! remus #remus lupin fluff #remus lupin angst #remus lupin x reader #remus lupin x reader fluff #remus lupin x reader angst #remus lupin x y/n #remus lupin x you #remus x you #remus x y/n #kiyahs requests₊˚౨ৎ ˖

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xxhispieceofheavenxx · 1 year

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Breeding kink w Remus pretty please?

Remus' breeding kink is related to his lycanthropy, which is not a secret. It's also not a secret that he is utterly terrified of passing down said lycanthropy to his kids (more so since he has dealt with it since he was a little boy). But when he gets in the "zone" he can't help but want to pump you full with his cum, to give you a baby that is half him and half you. Some of it is also his possessiveness, another lovely trait from his lycanthropy, he loves that it's him that gets to make you cum, that he is the one you let yourself go. He loves to watch as your spent pussy leaks his cum, no one else's, and he loves pushing it back in while saying sweet words that tell you how proud he is.

He knows that as soon as the post-sex clarity starts to kick in he is going to say the spell that prevents you from actually getting pregnant, and tomorrow he is going to make sure that you take that potion as an extra safety measure. But right now he lets himself slip back into your wet hole, pushing as much of his seed with him as he can, and pulls your back close to his chest.

Tomorrow he can go back to his worries and arguments about starting a family, but right in this moment, he gets to feel what it would be like, and fantasize that this life can be his.

I know you probably expected something more spicy but I'm in my Remus feels right now, and he makes me so so so sad :( My boy deserves the world and I wanna give it to him :(((

I'll be back with more kinky shit soon, right now I just wanna hug him and give him a forehead kissy

#notsfw.sel #remus lupin #remus #remus x reader #remus lupin x reader #remus lupin smut #remus lupin x reader smut #remus x reader smut #marauders #marauders smut #remus lupin fluff #remus lupin x reader fluff #remus x reader fluff #marauders fluff #remus lupin angst #remus lupin x reader angst #remus x reader angst #marauders angst

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sp1rit-realm · 7 months

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༻¨*:· 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐋𝐈𝐅𝐓 ·:*¨༺

༻¨*:· summary ·:*¨༺ you hate remus lupin, and he hates you. what happens when you get stuck in a lift together?

༻¨*:· notes ·:*¨༺ 𖦹 BREATHER!!!!! 𖦹 enemies to ?? 𖦹 fem!reader 𖦹 oh. em. gee. 𖦹 i did not proofread this bc i'm lazy ⎝(ˊᗜˋ)⎠

༻¨*:· word count ·:*¨༺ 𖦹 1.2k

prologue / hour 6 << pt. 8 -- breather >> IOU

༻¨*:· 𝐁𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐑 ·:*¨༺

"You what?" Sirius asks with wide eyes.

"I told her I was into her," Remus repeats.

Sirius grins, "And?"

Remus sighs and shakes his head, "It..." He purses his lips, "It didn't go well."

"Well... don't just leave me hanging. What happened?"

"She, um, she walked out of the lift and said she needed a breather."

Sirius claps Remus on the shoulder, "Well, that wasn't a no!"

"Mate..." Remus deadpans, "I don't think it's a yes, either."

. • ☆ . ° .• °:. *₊ ° . ☆

"So... Remus and you..." Sirius giggles over the phone.

You sigh, "There is no Remus and me, Sirius. I hate him."

"No, you don't," Sirius sings, "Plus, you didn't say you didn't like him back!"

"I told him I hated him, and I slapped him."

"Kinky!"

"Sirius, I swear to god, I will kill you."

"Kinky!"

You hang up.

. • ☆ . ° .• °:. *₊ ° . ☆

You're miserable. You haven't seen your friends in two weeks, save for Sirius. It feels like the beginning again, where he nagged you to go out with him. Every day, it's always:

"Remus is sorry, please come out."

"I'll buy all of your drinks."

"Everyone misses you!"

"C'mon, stop sitting in self-pity and get out of the house!"

You always answer with:

"Then he should tell me, not have some twat tell me for him."

"I don't feel like drinking."

"Tell them I say hi."

"I'm not sitting in self-pity—I'm simply giving myself the space to process."

And so he gave you time. But it's been five weeks, and you haven't gone out once. So he's starting to lose hope—you're collapsing in on yourself like a dying star, and he's unsure what to do.

You're eating dinner when the phone rings. You roll your eyes, abandon your food, and walk to the side of the room in which it resides.

"I already told you. I don't want to go out!"

"Sorry?"

Your body goes hot out of embarrassment, "Shit! Sorry, I thought you were Sirius," Then the voice registers in your head, "You have five seconds to tell me what you want, Remus."

"I feel like I've given you sufficient time for a breather," He rushes out, "Can we talk? Please?"

You're silent, and he's afraid you've walked away, uninterested in whatever he has to say.

But you sigh, "About what?" You bite.

"Us?" His words are full of hope.

You're quick to crush it, "There is no 'us,' Remus. There is no more feud, no more interacting, there is nothing."

"Please—"

"No!" You interrupt, "No, you lost the opportunity to have an 'us' the second you decided to be a dick!" You yell into the phone.

"I'm sorry. Please, just give it a chance. Please, just... just talk to me."

"You have one fucking chance, Remus. Meet me in the building's cafe at ten. Make it worth my time."

"Okay."

"Oh, and Remus?"

"Yes?"

"If you aren't there at ten on the dot, I'm leaving. I don't care if you've just opened the door. If you are not inside that fucking cafe at ten sharp, I am gone, and you will never see me again. Got it?"

"Got it." He confirms.

. • ☆ . ° .• °:. *₊ ° . ☆

Your alarm blares at 9:30. You groan and try to throw it across the room, only to remember that it's plugged into the wall to prevent you from doing so.

. • ☆ . ° .• °:. *₊ ° . ☆

"Get a corded one," Remus laughs, "I used to have the same problem. Well, I used to just take mine and shush it right before turning it off."

You nearly spit your water out.

. • ☆ . ° .• °:. *₊ ° . ☆

"Fuck," You mumble, turning off the alarm. You don't want to do this—to see him.

You walk downstairs—you don't take the lift anymore—and you're hoping he hasn't shown up, but you see a beige jumper and sandy brown hair through the frosted glass of the doors. You sigh and enter the cafe.

Remus has been waiting for half an hour, and he's convinced he'll get whiplash with how quickly he looks up every time the bell chimes, indicating someone has come in. Finally, twelve people later, you walk in.

You look different than the last time he saw you. You've cut your hair, and you look bone-deep exhausted. He smiles at you, but you don't smile back.

After pulling out your chair for you, he clumsily stumbles back to his side of the table.

"I'm sorry," He starts, "I am so sorry for... everything." He shakes his head, "I— I've been so stupid for the past year. I like you, I really like you, and I'm so sorry I didn't tell you earlier. I'm so sorry I was a dick to you. I'm so sorry I ever made you feel bad. I'm so sorry that I hurt you. I never wanted to hurt you. I—I just want to be with you, and I'm sorry for my feelings of doubt ruining that opportunity. God, I am just so fucking sorry."

You almost want to laugh. His rambling is cute—you've always found it cute. Whether he's info-dumping on his latest book or just furiously talking about everything he's been doing lately. But the words slowly register, and you want to cry, then you want to scream, and then you want to cry again.

"So you want to be with me?"

"More than fucking anything. This past month has been absolute torture. Every time I hang out with everyone, I hope I see your smile. You're never there."

"Yeah, it sucks when someone you like and care about ignores you."

Remus sighs, "I'm sorry."

"I don't think I can forgive you."

You see his heart shatter, "Please. Just—just one chance. Let me take you to dinner, and we can start over and— and..."

"And what? I'll magically fall in love with you?"

He frowns, looking down at the table, "Just give me a chance?"

"I'm not going on a date with you, Remus."

Once upon a time, you harboured feelings for Remus. That was months ago. Five months and four days ago. Then you got stuck in a fucking lift with him, and he confessed his love for you, and you felt like you were suffocating. All of the oxygen left your body, and any feelings died without it.

"We can be friends. I'm fine with friends. I just... I don't want to lose you."

You're silent for a moment, and everything runs through your head again. That first night when he attentively listened to your boring stories with a boyish glint in his eyes. The time he drove you home when you got wasted after being stood up. Teaching you to blow o's and how to roll. When he helped you ride a bike again. Your mind flashes to the night you realized you were in love—the night he went to your flat because you were sick. The night he took care of you, fed you soup—the night he risked getting sick for you. Your mind peeks at the memories of his smile, and your heart wanders around his laugh. It still warms your stomach, and you want to cry. You hate that he still has an impact on you. You've spent five months trying to forget him—forget your feelings. And it was all for nothing.

"Friends," You decide, "Let's try friends."

LETS. TRY. FRIENDS.

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#༻¨*:· 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐋𝐈𝐅𝐓 ·:*¨༺#remus lupin #remus lupin x reader #remus lupin imagine #remus lupin x you #remus lupin fanfic #remus lupin fanfiction #remus lupin x reader angst #remus lupin angst #remus lupin x y/n #remus lupin x fem!reader #remus lupin forced proximity #remus lupin x reader forced proximity #remus lupin enemies to lovers #remus lupin x reader enemies to lovers

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melodramaschild · 1 year

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𝐁𝐈𝐑𝐓𝐇𝐃𝐀𝐘, 𝐏𝐓. 𝟏

Navigation || age limit: 16+

Warnings: angst, moonstarchaser being a bit of dickheads, my English, it’s really bad, bad mental health, lots of pity but very understandable and reasonable pity

Let me know if I forgot anything

Words count: 3 911

Pairing: moonstarchaser x fem!reader

Read me: If you see any mistakes, please let me know. English isn’t my first, not even second, language and reminding me of some mistakes would help a lot. Also, feel free to reblog.

Oh yes, your birthday.

What a weird day. It was the day that nothing big happened, nothing special happened, no one famous was born and it was always around the weekend. When everyone was so busy with their own life, with their resting days, problems, plans. There was no way someone would like to give their free time to spend it with you.

(❁ᴗ͈ˬᴗ͈) ༉‧ ♡*.✧

And when was the last time your parents wished you a happy birthday?

That’s what I thought.

And no one asked for your birthday anyway, so why would you start talking about it out of nowhere?

The last time someone asked for your birthday was Lily and Dorcas in First year but hey, they were twelve, of course they will not remember.

And this year wasn’t any different. But the tiny little hope was growing up in you when you started dating Remus, James and Sirius.

And it grew a little bit more when Peter asked you what you’re gonna do next weekend.

That was literally your birthday.

“I guess that nothing.” you answered with a smile as you and Peter continued on your way in the library, trying to get some books.

“Why are you asking?” you couldn’t help, the happiness and hope started growing up.

“Just wanted to know if I can borrow my friends for a bit? Since you guys started that pentagram or whatever, I didn’t have much time for them.”

“Polyamory, Peter.” you laughed.

“So can I borrow them?” he asked, handing you a book.

“You spend lot’s of time with them anyway, so go ahead.” you two laughed at that. Maybe they were planning something and Peter is supposed to be a small spy.

Oh, maybe the tiny little hope started fading up.

But this was Peter. He always wrote down his friends' birthdays on a big calendar in their dorm. He wrote everything on it. Every James’ and Sirius’ game, every Full moon, every test and easy because he always forgot everything.

But it was just a stupid calendar on the wall in their dorm surrounded by other photographs and posters around it.

And it didn’t surprise you when the calendar stuck on the first week of October, with a big mark “SIRIUS’ BDAY” mark on the 3rd. The calendar fell into oblivion and with him your birthday.

So when the week of your birthday came, you weren’t surprised that no one was asking stupid questions like what you want for bday or what you craving for.

Or what you are planning to do.

Or what is your favourite flavour on cake.

The tiny little hope died again. It shattered your precious heart again. You expected that you'd wake up to an owl by your window with a small letter from your parents wishing you a happy birthday but that never happened.

Even after all these years they forgot you still hoped.

Because hope dies last, but we never learn we’ve been here before.

So when Saturday came, the small sadness came to you like an old friend. You woke - surprisingly - in your own dorm since Peter wanted to be with your boyfriends.

The other girls were already out, leaving you in your sleep as they knew better than to wake you up.

But something in you hoped that you would wake up into their loving presence, or that your boyfriends would wake you up. Or both of them.

So when it didn’t happen, the sadness grew a little bit more. But what could you expect, it happened last year, and the year before, and the year before.

You were used to it, you really were, but just because you’re used to it, doesn’t mean that you can’t still hope.

But it can still be a pretty day, right?

Boys were probably somewhere gone and girls too. It was just a day for you. Lucky for you that you knew how to be alone.

So you took your things and decided to go for a walk in that almost winter weather.

Just as you were ready to leave the common room, you felt someone pushing you to the side, you raised your head and saw Marauders running somewhere.

“Hey loves!” you smiled at them.

“Not now Y/N/N.” James sighed, his tone sounded slightly annoyed by you.

“Hey Remus, how are you feeling?” you tried again asking your other boyfriend and really wanting to know how he’s doing.

“Not now.” he said too firmly for your liking and ran away from the common room. His voice sounded also annoyed by you.

Or that’s how you felt it.

You sighed and walked away from the common room, shaking your head. “It was nothing.” you tried to convince yourself. It was always nothing when it came to you.

The late autumn and early winter breeze was hitting your face like crazy and painted your cheeks in the shining gold.

You were pretty far gone from the castle and everything else when you decided to sit down on strain and let yourself drown in thoughts and in the sunlight.

“What did you expect? That the whole castle will be celebrating your birthday? Yours? Why on Earth would they be celebrating your birthday?”

“Your hopes are too high. You can’t be mad at them for forgetting, it’s too much for everyone, look at Remus and how tired he looks, it’s getting cold outside and for his werewolf form and his human body isn’t that good.”

But as you sat there, the thoughts got worse. Way more louder. And in your silly little head, it made so much sense.

“Of course they will forget. Why would they remember such an unnecessary day like this day? You realise that if you were truly important to them they wouldn’t forget? Just like your parents, you mean nothing to them and the same goes for your friends.”

“And this morning? You’re just a burden.”

“Was I too awkward this morning? Too loud? Was I too much? Oh fuck, I’m definitely too much.”

You couldn’t help but feel the sadness getting heavier on your chest as a small tear fell from your eye.

“For fuck’s sake.” you mumbled to yourself and wiped it away, trying not to cry more.

But no one saw you anyway so you let yourself cry and bury your head in your knees and sobbed into them. It was too much of everything anyway.

But was it really true that you aren’t important to your parents? And friends?

Yeah, everyone always forgets someone’s birthday. But they were your parents, your friends and your boyfriends. Your friends were a better family to you and you celebrated everyone’s birthday so what about yours?

Why couldn't they remember your birthday?

You decided to continue in your walk and you noticed the colourful leaves on the ground, so you picked them up and slowly ended up with a leaves puget. The warming feeling of the late sun and colourful leaves made you happy and filled you with joy.

The sun was getting down and you decided to go back. By the time you stepped into your common room you saw your friends sitting around the fireplace, laughing at something.

They didn’t notice you, but you smiled at it, it was so warming and lovely to see them like that.

They were happy, what a lovely sign.

But they were happy, without you.

Oh, it’s better to leave them like that.

“Just a burden.”

You tiptoed around them back to your room, hoping that they wouldn’t notice you as you used the dark around them to hide in it.

And it worked. They were so lost in their conversation that it could explode around them and they wouldn’t notice.

Auchie, that hurted a little bit.

The sadness growing up again.

“C’mon Y/N, you’re being ridiculous, you can’t blame them for forgetting, it’s your fault anyway that you let yourself hope.” you mumbled to yourself as you stood in your dorm bathroom and looked at yourself in the mirror.

“Yeah, no wonder that they didn’t spend a day with you, just look at yourself.” the second thought came out. You raised your head and looked at yourself in the mirror. You looked like a zombie.

“Shut up.” you said a little bit louder to the mirror as you pinched the bridge of your nose, trying to turn these thoughts off as another small tear slipped from your eyes.

You took a quick shower and went to bed, trying to fall asleep as fast as you could. Because it meant no talking to anyone, and it was better like that because you would burst into tears anyway.

You hoped that the owl would appear at your window with a letter from your parents but that didn’t happen. I mean, it was pretty obvious that the damm owl will not appear at your window right now, before your birthday ends, but the hope dies last, right?

But the owl didn’t appear, neither did your boyfriends or friends.

But tears appeared. Lots of tears as you let it all out.

You didn’t exactly know why you were crying.

You felt so selfish for wanting someone who would remember your birthday. It’s like wanting too much.

But at the same time it was the thing that friends and boyfriends are supposed to remember.

So you just let it go, with a feeling that you just simply don’t deserve to celebrate your birthday or have someone who would remember.

But it would feel nice to have a birthday cake and blow out the candles with a wish, right?

And you cried yourself to sleep, letting yourself bury in your duvet, blankets, pillows and plushies, behind the curtains. Trying to hide yourself and don’t bother anyone who could come in, and soon enough the crying ended, and then even the sniffles and all that could be seen was your sleeping figure hiding in bed.

You stayed in your bed, not eating, not reading. Hardly moving. You stared at the bowl, the book-shelf, your knees.

You listened to the sound of Gryffindor tower. The chittering that your friends were making, clearing their throat, coughing fits, the whistle of a kettle as Remus was making another black tea.

The day went so well for others that they were so happy to enjoy each other’s company without even realising that someone is missing.

Even the other day you woke up with a small hope in you.

But nothing happened. The day with girls was the same as any other day but with boys? That was a little bit more complicated.

You didn’t know if “Not now.” was for today too but you didn’t have the courage to find it so you just stayed by yourself.

“That’s from the walk?” Lily pointed at the leaves budget, throwing you away from your head.

“Yes.” you smiled for her.

“It’s really pretty.” she smiled as she made her way to your bed and sat down in your pillows and blankets next to you, lying her head on your shoulder.

“C’mon Y/N, you can be glad for that and you want them to remember your birthday? C’mon, be more grateful for what you already have.” You thought to yourself, the thought making you bit your lip in an attempt to hold your tears in.

Lily slowly fell asleep on your shoulder while she nuzzled more and more to your side until she made you lay down with her on the top of your chest, playing with her fiery hair too.

You woke up after dinner with Marlene and Dorcas already sleeping in one bed, in each other's arms. Mary greeted you with a smile while she got ready for her sleep. You waved back at her and your eyes found Lily.

‘Something new?’ You signed at her. She knew you were asking for your boyfriends.

‘No. Why you asking?’ She signed back. Her hands moved with such an elegance.

‘Just checking.’ You sighed and turned around to sleep once again. A bit surprised, but not disappointed.

Monday wasn’t anything better than the other day. The small tiny little hope was growing up inside you again and dying more and more with every second of the day.

Not mentioning the lack of communication with your boyfriends. Only one smiles and waves to each other.

The other day was the same.

And that went on for the rest of the week. You really just knew right there and then that nobody cared. Thought Full moon passed and Remus was okay, just a few bruises and scratches. And you were there to comfort him. Of course you were, you always were. Always such a people pleaser, even if you never get it back. But you couldn't change it.

So you stood there, supporting him, supporting all of your boyfriends through it all.

And then it was the next weekend. Unsurprisingly, the weather was too bad to go out. Winter was starting, knocking on your windows and door, begging to let her in but you already felt like she was in your heart sooner.

Anyway, since no one could go out, all your friends decided to stay in and play UNO. When you woke up you saw them, and tried not to be too loud, because you felt tears forming up in your eyes again. They just looked so happy and you couldn’t stop wondering if they’re that happy because they’re without you.

So typically, you went upstairs to your room again.

James was the one who noticed first. For the first time he just joked, looking at you leaving and throwing a pun. But then he became a bit insecure about his actions and asked his other two boyfriends.

“Maybe I was too sharp and she heard it.” James bit his lip nervously.

“James, a bad joke isn't the end of the world, I'm sure it's something else. Maybe she's just having an episode again, you know how she gets. Maybe she wants to be alone and we should give her some space and check on her later.” Sirius replied, already mad about his loss when Mary threw 4+ card.

He knew that his response sounded a little bit too harsh and mean, but you told them so many times that your episodes will come and disappear and that there was no way to accelerate it and nothing to worry about.

"Now Pads, that’s really not nice. And even if she is having an episode, we should help her and not mock her. Lils, could you go check on her and maybe bring her back downstairs?" Remus asked. Somehow he knew that it would be a bad idea if it would be them who would check on you.

"Sure, gimme a sec." She politely agreed and then you heard Lily coming to your room. You were sitting on the bed and you were feeling how your brain is slowly losing in that weird, sad fog once again.

You did hear everything. And Sirius' words really did hurt a bit and you couldn’t stop your brain from thinking why he acted like that. Even when what he said was nice. The first part wasn’t. “You know how she gets.” It sounded like they were annoyed. Like they were annoyed just by your persona and who you are. And you couldn’t blame me. Sometimes even you were bored and annoyed by yourself too.

And why Remus didn’t get up and check up on you by himself?

When Lily found you, you were staring at the stone wall. “Everything alright, sunshine?” she asked when she saw your gaze glued to the other side of the room.

Sunshine. Here it comes, you thought. Because this was Lily. Your best friend, who you always talked to about everything. That kind and sweet girl that always made sure that you were feeling your best.

“Yeah,” You breathed out. “Just want to take a nap. I think I woke up too soon.” you lied and buried yourself in the duvets, rotting there like a worm. “Aren’t you getting an episode?” Lily asked and you could hear her worries in her voice. “No, I’m just feeling a little bit blue. I just want to sleep.” you mumbled. The truth is that your mixed feelings were slowly forming into something that you weren’t able to describe. Lily nodded and placed a small kiss to your hair and quickly disappeared from the room.

Reaching the sofa they were all at, the conversation they were having stopped and they all looked at her curiously. Sirius asked first. "So what’s up with our flower?”

“She’s feeling a little bit blue and just wants to sleep, as she said.” Lily repeated your words with a smile and sat down on the comfortable couch next to Peter. You couldn’t tell her that they forgot your birthday. First of all, it was already a week after.

Second of all, you didn’t know if they would even care.

Third, if they do, you didn’t want to make them feel bad for forgetting your birthday. (But hey, they should feel way worse than bad.)

Fourth, if they celebrate your birthday now it would feel forceful from both sides.

Fifth, are you even in a mood to still celebrate your birthday?

Sirius quickly stood up with “I’ll be right back.” and then there was a silent knock on your door. He didn’t even wait for your ‘Come in’ and just shoved himself into the room, next to your bed.

“Hi there, my little poppet.” He smiled down at you when you opened your tired eyes. At some point, Sirius was the last one you wanted to see right now, yet you still were able to search for comfort in him. “Hi, lover boy.” you still smiled at him. You might have hated him now, but you still loved him and the love was always stronger than the anger.

“Come here.” he whispered as he got into the bed under the duvet and blanket with you. He wrapped his arms around your waist and you laid your head on his chest while wrapping your arms around his neck. He was warm. His body was warm and felt lovingly against your body. His touch was soft and gentle. Something he learned after spending time with you. He swore that you made him into being a soft and gentle person.

“You know I’m here for you, right?” He kissed your temple.

‘Oh, didn’t you sound annoyed by my episode like a few minutes ago?’ you wanted to say but you only nodded and nuzzled more into his chest.

“Love you so so much, my poppet.” he whispered and started stroking your back. “Love you back.” you whispered and closed your eyes. And you meant it, you did love him back. You just wanted to punch him sometimes. “Get some sleep, I’ll be here when you’ll wake up.” he promised and he did that. Suddenly he didn’t care about his UNO match (he wasn’t winning anyway though) and all that was important was his blue girlfriend. Sirius fell asleep after ten minutes right behind you, still holding you tightly.

You decided to visit the school kitchen with house elves. You weren’t meeting them for almost two weeks and you missed them. They were always the best company, they never judged you for anything and they always gave you something small to eat from the kitchen.

So you opened the heavy wooden door and you were immediately greeted by an elf with big doe grey eyes and with a wide smile. “Miss Y/L/N is here!” the elf shouted and everyone stopped what they were doing and all their gazes turned to you. “Y/N/N!” one of the smallest elf squeaked and ran into your arms. “Hey Aimee, how are you?” you asked the little elf. She was the real sunshine here. She always made you smile. The elves felt so safe with your company that they allowed you to step into the kitchen any time and without a key. Magic is… magical.

“I’m tired of making pudding every day three times in a day.” she rambled and you laughed. “You can stop adding sugar into it and they’ll stop eating it and then you won’t have to make it again.” you gave her advice and she let out a squeaky giggle.

“We made a cake but you didn’t show up so they ate it but we still have a small cake for you.” the older elf - Aymar - explained and handled you the white creamy cake. It made your heart shatter and break at the same time. Your family didn’t remember it, your friends didn’t remember it, your boyfriends didn’t remember it.

But those elves with whom you spent a minimum of time remembered it. You didn’t even realise the small tear that escaped your eye. You felt extremely loved and unloved at the same time.

“What’s wrong, miss Y/L/N?” the first elf asked. Their name was Q, you believe. “They forgot, didn’t they?” Aimee asked and you nodded. “Everyone… literally everyone.” you whispered as you looked down at the cake. Aimee quickly hugged you around your waist. “But not you. And it means a lot to me. Thank you so much everyone.” you smiled at the elves and finally sat down on a bench they had there.

“Well, we can be your family and friends now.” Q said. “You already are.” you said and hugged them. “There’s one small detail missing.” Aymar said and put a candle into your cake and with a snap of his fingers he blew up the candle. “Happy birthday, our favourite human.” Q joked and you couldn’t hold the giggles that escaped you. “You have to wish for something now.” Aymar said and you closed while wishing something.

Then you ate the delicious cake in elves' company and for the first time in a few days you felt wanted and loved. You know exactly why you love spending time with elves.

And as your mood got a little bit better, you decided to visit your boyfriends since you spent the late morning with Sirius. When you were getting close to their room you heard Peter’s voice saying something about birthdays, but you didn’t catch that. Then you opened the door and saw Peter with the calendar in his hand. You even saw the small mark on your date of birth with “Y/N/N’S BDAY!” and how that mark is visible to everyone, but no one noticed. Or it looked like it. But you told yourself not to hope anymore, because look where hope got you in the first place, right?

“What are you doing with that calendar?” you asked because he only put down the calendar when he was throwing it away. Peter turned his gaze at you and innocently smiled, completely unaware about what he’s doing. And everyone also didn’t have any idea.

“Oh, I’m just throwing it away. No one is giving tests or homework before Christmas anyway and we already celebrated Pads’ birthday.”

BIRTHDAY PT. 2

#poly marauders x reader #poly marauders x reader angst #poly marauders x you #poly marauders x you angst #poly marauders x y/n #poly marauders x y/n angst #harry potter fic #remus lupin x reader #remus lupin x reader angst #sirius black x reader #sirius black reader angst #james potter x reader #james potter x reader angst #marauders x reader #marauders x reader angst

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yellow-berrys · 1 year

Text

the gist of it | remus lupin x fem!reader

domesticity diaries pt 1

summary: you’re meeting Remus’ mother for the first time, and it’s overwhelming how lovely the house is. an: this is pretty short!

navigation | masterlist

Hope Lupin knocked on the plain white door before her, adorned with the number “74”. Her son, Remus, had given her a copy of the keys to his apartment a few years back. They filled up her keychain nicely, the one with the picture of him grinning at something in the distance taken by Sirius. Sirius had told her, “It’s the girlfriend he’s mooning at.” She didn’t believe him at first- Remus told her everything but he had never mentioned a girl. Sirius had laughed, “Soon to be girlfriend, then.”

In a way, she knew you before she really did, you were in his eyes, in that smile she’d never seen before in him. She had asked Remus about it. Back to her, washing dishes, he smiled to himself.

“She’s everything, Mum.”

Hope had sat back in her chair, holding a cup of tea to her lips. A “Best Mum Ever” cup hid her satisfied smile.

“Your girlfriend?”

He had shaken his head, “I don’t think she knows I exist.”

It wasn’t a sad admission, just one of a boy who loved. Remus had told Hope so much about you that Hope could nearly piece you together. Even after he graduated, he kept talking, perhaps more. And once when he stopped at her house, carrying plastic bags which dropped to the floor with a thud, he had the biggest grin on his face.

“She wants to take things slow.”

“Slow is good. Slow is steady.”

Remus knew there was more coming.

“When can I meet her?”

“Mum!”

You had always expressed enthusiasm for meeting his mother, but he didn’t. He was afraid one day you might realise he wasn’t good enough for you, and not only him, but his mother would be too attached to you.

“C’mon, I’m not that bad,” you had told him.

“”s not that I’m worried about,” he had mumbled into your hair.

It had been a while since he had started dating you and Hope had noticed changes in her son. He used to walk home sadly after a day spent with her, not wanting to leave his mother but needing to go to school, to go to work, to go live his own life. But now he left as if he had something waiting for him at home. He didn’t slouch as badly as he did anymore, and he took off his jumper in the summer. When Hope saw Remus pass a mirror and glance into it, gone was the self-loathing, but a passive fondness for himself, an absent-minded smile on his lips. He looked healthier and sometimes he smelt like a girl.

Hope always joked, “Been running in a flower garden?”

Remus always answered, “Might as well have been.”

One day, Remus had visited Hope and she had asked the question again.

“When am I going to meet her? I won’t be around forever.”

Instead of the “Mum!” that followed he said, “Actually, we’ve been talking about it. She wants to meet you.”

It was nearing 7 in the evening and Hope had come with baked goods and a warm meal. There was a sliver of light coming out from underneath the door, and Remus always turned his lights off when he wasn’t going to be home. Hope pressed her ear to the door, and smiled as she heard a different choice of music to what Remus usually had on. He was branching out, good.

“Coming!” You called, expecting it to be Remus. Hope frowned. Remus didn’t say you would be home earlier than him.

The door opened and you stared at the woman at your doorstep. She had a remarkable resemblance to Remus, eyes a warm amber, bridged to her pupils with a shiny olive green. She was inquisitively staring at you, a look very familiar. You smiled, “Good evening,” putting out your hand which she promptly shook, “You must be Remus’ mother!”

“Not sister?” she searched your face.

“Certainly young enough to be,” you winked at her. She laughed. She liked you.

A quick exchange of names which you both already knew was entreated by a warm hug.

“Where is he?” Hope asked as she entered the apartment, dropping her bag down and surveying the surroundings.

You giggled, “Rem’s held up in traffic. He always is on Friday nights, he’ll be home soon.”

“No rush. His girlfriend is nicer than him anyway. I can’t detect any 3-in-1 in your hair,” she laughed, a tinkling noise akin to bells. It was Remus’ laugh, albeit three octaves higher.

You joined in, “Remus doesn’t use 3-in-1 anymore,” you tipped your head up royally, sarcastically and she made an impressed noise. Hope surveyed the apartment. It was much nicer than when Remus was living in it alone. The lights were bright and golden, there was a large expanse for Remus’ books and motivational quotes which he no doubt thought were cheesy but necessary.

“You don’t know how much he talks about you when he comes to see me.”

Red rose to your cheeks.

“It’s always ‘mum, she’s so pretty and mum, she’s so nice to me’. Oh and he’s told me other things too. I know your favourite everythings.”

It began to make you shy, so you diverted the subject.

“Do you want a tour?” you asked.

“Please!”

You hooked your arm under hers and took her through your apartment.

“This is where you’ll be staying tonight.”

“Hang on-”

“Hope, Rem’s told me a lot about you too. You’re too precious to be driving home late at night.”

“You do have a point.”

You smiled. “This is the laundry.”

It smelt like dryer sheets, flowers and fruit in the laundry and Hope smiled to herself.

“And it smells like me because I do the laundry.”

Hope frowned. “Really.”

“Oh no, it’s not like that. I clean, do the laundry. He cooks, does the dishes and does the fixing around the house.”

She smiled, “Who makes the bed?”

“Whoever wakes later.”

“I like it.”

“I do too, Hope.”

She caught a glance of Remus’ forest green jumper, his tan coat, his navy vest, white button down shirt swirling in the wash against your clothes and it made her tear up. She turned to wipe them quickly.

You didn’t notice, choosing to lead her into the master bedroom. It was the perfect mix of you and Remus. Remus’ side of the bed was marked with a stack of books and an open notebook. Hope approached his bedside table and sat on the bed, taking in all her emotions. It was soft, but to Remus’ liking. The bedsheets were a peculiar shade of blue. So were the walls.

You grinned, “Remus read a medical journal which told him blue has the most propensity for a good night’s sleep. Shame it doesn’t go well with any other colour, but he looked so sweet picking it out in the hardware store that I couldn’t resist. It was to help him sleep too, even if it was a placebo.”

“The stool.”

“The stool is charming. Everything in his apartment was really tall, and out of reach for me. So he got me a stool.”

Hope laughed.

“This is the ensuite.”

It had a bath. It had a bath!

Hope grinned, “It has a bath!”

“I know! Remus used to always say that he didn’t deserve baths, but I convinced him to start taking them with me and now I find him sitting in a pool of petals and lavender all by himself. It’s lovely, really.”

She peeked around the curtain, seeing bottles of quality, non-3-in-1 shampoo and pretty body washes. There was a bar of soap that looked like a piece of watermelon, Argan oil on the bathroom counter and perfume bottles next to Remus’ cologne. Lavender oil sat near the tap, well used, with a backup next to it. One of Remus’ books, heavily waterproofed, sat on a wooden tray. It was proof he did bathe and what more, enjoyed it.

There was skincare in the cupboard and an air freshener in the corner.

Remus’ razor was kept in a little cup with his hair clippers and shaving cream. It was a woman’s.

“They’re much better for his skin,” you smiled. “I’ll bet.”

There wasn’t a complete blindside to his usual routine. Hope could see the toothpaste Remus had picked out. “It’s gotta be perfectly minty without being too spicy,” he had always explained. And “the toothbrushes must be decently ergonomic.”

On the mirror there was a yellow sticky note. When Hope shuffled closer to it, it read hey handsome, stop looking at yourself like that. you’re beautiful. you deserve everything in the world. Pasted underneath it was a picture of you looking grumpy.

She found the tears swarming in her eyes, crumpling down on the floor in sobs.

“Oh, god,” you kneeled down to her, “Hope, are you okay?”

She nodded, still crying.

“Oh, dear, let’s get you somewhere comfy.”

You helped her onto your bed, and she sobbed again upon smelling her Remus bundled with you.

“I’ll go get you a nice warm drink.”

You fixed her up a cup of hot chocolate, steaming as she clutched it within her hands.

“I’m just so happy for my boy,” she choked out, “And he’s so happy, and this home is so wonderful. Thank you.”

“Remus treats me so well, Hope. And you are just something else.”

“Lyall and I never had this, this domesticity,” She said shyly, “He was never good to me like you are to Remus. Our house was always just mine, and he was never there. I never saw my old plates with his.”

You didn’t know what to say, embracing her.

She started crying again. It took some time before you successfully comforted her, and you could hear keys jingling.

Remus was confused as to why no one had flung open the door and flung their arms around him. But there were tupperware containers of food and cake on top of the kitchen table, so his mum must be here. And he could sense you, you were definitely somewhere in the vicinity.

He never liked talking louder than he needed to. Or talking that all, that is. So he padded through the rooms, wracked with confusion as he saw you and his mother, the latter looking anguished.

“Honey!” You gushed as soon as you saw Remus and Hope smiled, tears brimming at the corner of her eye. Remus gave you a chaste kiss on the head and an urgent squeeze at your waist.

“My boy,” she sniffled, “I’m so sorry, I’ve ruined this get together.” You let them have some time together, warming up the food and setting up the table.

Dinner was a quiet affair, nothing but the scraping of cutlery and bowls clinking together. Remus let you show Hope to her room to get washed up as he did the dishes. You joined him soon enough, sitting at the table. He sat next to you. You leaned your head onto his shoulder. He was tense.

“Your mum’s cool, Rem.”

Relaxing, he looked down at you, “Thanks for making her feel welcome, love.”

“She’s a big part of you, so naturally she’ll be a big part of me. It’s the least.”

“I suppose she also told you how into you I am,” he said softly.

“The gist of it.”

“The gist of it,” he pondered, “I guess I’ll just have to tell her more, then, hey?”

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never-fair · 7 months

Note

Request for an angsty Remus Lupin about them breaking up because he is scared that he is a werewolf

this is literally for me, thanks for this request lovely!! 🙏🏼

not a monster || remus lupin x reader

remus right now, instead of working on his charms assignment, couldn't bring himself to focus on it at all. all he could think about was your actions throughout the day. first, you had brushed him off when he tried talking to you. second, you didn't even say 'good morning' to him when at breakfast this morning. and the thing that made him worried the most is that you had run off that morning while you both were in bed, not even saying anything before you did so.

he knew it. you were mad.

a couple days ago remus had just confessed to you that he was in fact, a werewolf. and although you took it well, calming him down and telling him that it was okay and you didn't love him any less, you had begun to grow distant. and he felt a sinking feeling in his stomach when he pieced it all together.

you were going to break up with him.

you were going to leave him because you were disappointed, disappointed in this mess that was himself.

he had to find you. he had to tell you that he wasn't the monster that he thought he was. he had to convince you that he was worth it.

so when you came into this dorm, sitting down on his bed, opening one of your books and sinking into the covers, he let it all out.

"dove, please. i know you probably think i'm this horrible creature who has no control over himself, but i swear i can be better for you. just please don't break up with me. you are the best thing that has happened to me ever and i need you."

remus's breathing quickens as he stutters out his feelings. you look up from your book and your jaw drops in disappointment. not from him. but from the thought of him believing these thoughts. how long had he felt like this?

you hastily shut the novel and walked over to remus who was now sinking into the floor at the side of his bed.

"baby, i would never think any of that. what makes you think i'd believe that?"

you reassure him, holding his head in the crook of your neck. he breathes in your scent and calms down slightly when he feels your gentle hand rubbing his back. he smiles softly, a smile only you could see.

"it's just," he says, unsure if he should say what he's been feeling for the last couple days.

"i promise my love, you can say anything to me. im never here to judge." you whisper, squeezing his body softly.

"just- you're been distant these past couple days. i thought it was because of the talk we had," he murmurs, referring to the talk you both had when he confessed he was a werewolf.

"oh baby" you sigh, a bit angry at yourself. "i was just busy with homework. slighorn has been all over my case these past couple of days. i'm so so sorry remus."

"it's alright," he says, feeling a lot better. "but to make up for it, can you stay here with me for a bit like this?" he teases, rubbing his hand down your arm.

"that i can do," you laugh, more than happy to comply with his request.

#sage answers 🪐#sage writes 🌱#remus lupin x reader #remus lupin one shot #remus x reader #remus lupin fic #remus lupin imagine #remus lupin #remus lupin x you #marauders era #the marauders #marauders #remus lupin angst #remus x you #remus x y/n #remus lupin x reader angst #marauders angst

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astraeaalstroemeria · 9 months

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Remus Lupin Masterlist by Astraea

Rules & Navigation | Wizarding World Masterlist

Remus Lupin

He was always too insecure and had low-self esteem because of his Lycanthropy and always thought he was a monster because of it. He thought that no one could love him because of his condition, and they'll be afraid of him if they found out. So he tried to push away the person who claimed to love him regardless of his Lycanthropy.

i like shiny things, but i'd marry you with paper rings (one-shot) (soon...)

i broke her heart 'cause she was nice (part-one) (soon...)

↳ she was sunshine, i was midnight rain (part-two) (final) (soon...)

i'm a werewolf. (wanna be yours) (one-shot) (soon...)

and all i did was bleed, as i try to be the bravest soldier (one-shot) (soon...)

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mediocre-daydreams · 2 years

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𝐬𝐢𝐱. 𝐢’𝐦 𝐛𝐞𝐠𝐠𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐭𝐨 𝐭𝐚𝐤𝐞 𝐦𝐲 𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐝, 𝐰𝐫𝐞𝐜𝐤 𝐦𝐲 𝐩𝐥𝐚𝐧𝐬

remus lupin x animagus!reader

𝚜𝚎𝚛𝚒𝚎𝚜 𝚖𝚊𝚜𝚝𝚎𝚛𝚕𝚒𝚜𝚝 : 𝚠𝚑𝚎𝚛𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚛 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚜𝚝𝚛𝚊𝚢, 𝚒 𝚏𝚘𝚕𝚕𝚘𝚠

summary: snape threatens you after he finds out remus' secret, but james misinterprets the situation, instigating a heated argument. you open up to remus for the first time.

notes: alright as usual i never proofread my work but i think this is my favorite chapter writing-wise so hopefully u enjoy! smidge of fluff. angst/hurt and then comfort. this took like 5hrs idk when the next time i’m gonna be able to produce a quality chapter is

w/c: 5.0k

･ﾟ⋆☾*･ﾟ.・。.*゜✭・･ﾟ✫・⋆。.

i’m begging for you to take my hand wreck my plans, that’s my man

'lupine lawlessness: why lycanthropes don’t deserve to live' by emerett picardy.

that was the book that fell out of snape’s bag.

the cover was well worn and curving at the edges; snape’s ego would never let him buy secondhand, which meant he must’ve read the book multiple times. on the inside of the paperback cover was snape’s signature, unabashedly bold and written in dark ink that covered half the page. it was almost like he wanted everybody to know his beliefs on werewolves—no, he wanted you to know.

that left you with one conclusion: he must’ve found out about remus’ condition.

the notes in the margins did nothing to unwravel the knot in your stomach. you weren’t sure if you were still in your dorm, or if the world had started spinning on an axis with you at the very edge, clinging on and swinging unsteadily. in his thick, heavy-handed scrawl, were thinly veiled threats.

should be put down for public safety. the book, which was already yellowing with age, fell to the ground from a sharp tremor of your hands. debilitating pages unbound themselves from the spine and fluttered through the air, deceivingly elegant in comparison to its depraved contents.

remus lupin was none of those things. he was not soulless, nor evil, and he absolutely did not deserve-

lyall lupin? lupin… remus’ father?

you had a vague picture of remus’ childhood. he grew up in isolation from muggle society as a safety precaution, and distanced from the wizarding world to avoid the prejudice and discrimintation. in your first year defense against the dark arts class, you’d studied werewolves as a part of the ‘dark creatures’ unit. you had your qualms and discomforts with that section of the reading, even as an 11 year old with no awareness about remus’ condition, but the wizarding world was becoming more progressive (or so it claimed). the old defense teacher had retired in your second year; the ‘dark creatures’ curriculum had been edited heavily and the crude language had been replaced.

you didn’t know where snape got this book, much less such an old edition containing such foul language that wasn’t commonly used anymore. the ministry’s werewolf capture unit had formed a separate branch (the werewolf support unit) and dolores umbridge’s anti-werewolf legislation had begun to loosen. you figured snape must’ve owned this book for years now, considering its outdated information and wear, or he’d stolen it from the restricted section. either option terrified you. either option showed his dedication to hating lycanthropes, and by proxy, remus.

there was an abrupt knocking on your door. before you could invite the knocker in, lily, mary, and dorcas streamed in, chatting about the next hogsmeade trip and what lily should wear to slughorn’s party.

that’s right, you thought. i still have to attend the party with james. and snape will be there too.

“hey babe, have you started getting ready?” lily smiled at you, oblivious to the dread clouding your mind.

you swallowed thickly. “yeah, i was just thinking about what i should wear!” you lied, putting on a chipper voice for the sake of your friends. “shall we get ready together?”

mary bounced on her feet, clapping excitedly. “oooh, my mum sent me some jewery last week, you should totally wear some!”

dorcas started digging through her dresser. “i’ve got this cardigan that’ll go perfectly with your dress, lily! it’s bound to be cold in the dungeons.”

lily grinned, turning to her own bedside table. she dug through the drawer; things tinkled and clacked from within. she pulled out a necklace and held it in the air triumphantly. “for you!”

you rushed over, pushing the apprehension to the side. you could worry about this later—for now, your friends were here to care and dote on you, and you couldn’t be more appreciative of their ability to cheer you up.

“it’s gorgeous!” you gushed, allowing lily to clasp it around your neck. her fingers were slender, ghosting over your skin as she fixed the cold silver chain. “thank you, lils.”

“don’t thank me,” she shook her head humbly, “it’s like it was made for you. there’s a little moon charm, d’you see? i thought of you immediately.”

you quirked your mouth into a confused smile. “that’s so sweet of you! you’re so thoughtful, always thinking of people out of the blue.”

mary chortled. “oh darling, it wasn’t out of the blue this time. it’s a moon, because of you and moony, obviously.”

“excuse me?”

dorcas pointed her finger at you. “see? i told you that’d be her reaction. ha! marlene owes me three galleons.”

you deflected. “oh, where’s marlene anyway?”

dorcas looked at her shoes bashfully. “she’s, uh- james offered to lend her a suit. she looks… really good.”

you and lily looked at each other knowingly.

“alright!” dorcas clapped her hands, trying to break the tension and redirect the focus off her. “let’s get the two of you dolled up; looking good for the dates!”

lily was eager, completely compliant as mary stood behind her and curled her long, ginger locks. dorcas was holding up different products and you were giving your opinion on each, a little more hesitant than lily, who seemed to fall naturally into the beautification process. you supposed it was because she was already very beautiful herself.

“you look very handsome,” dorcas mused, placing her hands on your shoulders as she admired your reflection in the mirror. “well, you always look great. but i think i did a pretty good job.”

you turned your head to examine all your angles. “agreed. thank you, dora!” the two of you exchanged a loud, forceful high five, catching the attention of lily and mary.

“wow!” mary squealed. her hands lifted halfway to her mouth before she turned and patted lily’s bicep to confirm she was seeing the same sight.

lily gasped. “you look incredible! potter won’t know what hit’em.”

you rolled your eyes. “you know i’ve only got eyes for one person- oh merlin.” you cursed, having (once more) revealed your crush on remus with undeniable clarity.

lily smirked, looking you up and down appraisingly. “we should head out early,” she decided. “maybe we’ll run into a certain someone in the common room.”

your face turned serious. “i swear to godric, if you tell a single soul…”

mary made a zipping motion across her mouth. “not a word,” she promised.

dorcas quirked her head at you. “alright, but you’ve gotta make a move at some point! teasing you in private is getting boring; plus, lupin’s a real catch. someone’s bound to snatch him up if you don’t hurry.”

you bit your lip. dorcas was right.

“fine! fine. this is my formal allowance for the three of you to talk freely, but please, don’t scheme. and please, don’t tell anyone.”

the three girls grinned widely.

“okay!” lily cheered. “now that this piece of juicy gossip has been revealed, i say it’s time for us to make our accidental appearance in front of mr. loverboy.” she wiggled her fingers at mary and dorcas, making sure to take dorcas’ cardigan before she left. you helped her slip it on and made sure her dress was all laid out properly. dorcas was right, the cardigan did look lovely on her. you weren’t sure how long james would stick around after he saw lily looking so ravishing.

as you made sure each of lily’s straps were tied into neat bows, you missed the look of amazement on remus’ face as you made your grand entrance down the spiral staircase. well, it was no different from how you’d normally walked down the stairs, but when lily saw remus’ face, it was as if he were prince charming catching sight of cinderella for the first time. lily would know—she watched that movie countless times with petunia before coming to hogwarts.

“holy shit…” remus whispered; the corners of his mouth quirked upward unconsciously. you caught his eye, and he blushed, dipping his head down to reveal his red-tipped ears. his eyes flickered between your eyes, and you could tell he was restraining himself from roving the entirety of your body (which you wouldn’t mind if he did). you hid your delight by covering your mouth with the back of your hand, careful not to smudge the lipstick dorcas had so meticulously applied.

“i- you-” remus started, mouth parted in astonishment, “you look beautiful,” he murmured, voice strangled and raw. vulnerable.

“thank you.” your voice was small; eyes hazy. you dipped your own head shyly. “you look beautiful too.”

remus smiled incredulously. “me?”

“yes, you!” you countered, shaking your head at him. “what’s up with the surprise?”

“i just- i didn’t realize you thought that about me.”

you tapped your foot anxiously, feeling like you’d been caught in an act even though you’d done nothing wrong. remus seemed uncomfortable; perhaps you came off too strong. perhaps he didn’t feel the same, and didn’t want you to say those sorts of things to him.

“are you calling me a liar?” you teased. “that i don’t feel that way about you? you don’t know how i feel about you,” you quipped, well aware of the double meaning behind your words. lily seemed to understand as well.

lily tapped her wrist, checking an invisible watch. “alright, stop flirting and let’s get going! i’m nearly positive slughorn’s never going to let it go if we show up late for the first meeting.” she tilted her head toward the portrait hole, and leaned against the wall to wait for you.

remus coughed lightly. “i do mean it though, you look… truly incredible. i don’t know- i haven’t got the words to describe how you look, but when you come back, i’ll have something figured out and i’ll tell you then.”

“well, i was really looking forward to talking to slughorn, so i was planning on being there for the full time and maybe staying after. but i guess i can come back early, even though i wanted to make connections and stuff…” you huffed. “you’re quite demanding, d’you know that, moony? always bossing me around, telling me when i should come and go, like you’re some possessive boyfriend,” you taunted.

remus pursed his lips, hollowing his cheeks as he tried to hold back an embarrassingly large, telling smile. hearing ‘moony’ and ‘boyfriend’ was doing horrible things to his mind. the worst part was that he couldn’t be your boyfriend, no matter how much he wanted to. (or how much you wanted it, if you felt that way in the first place.) sometimes, it felt like life was mocking him, dangling the possibility of being with you in his face like bait on a fishhook, and then reeling it back before he could catch hold. he’d gladly pierce himself on the hook if it meant he could be yours.

“thumper! evans!” james’ giddy voice came booming from the boy’s dormitory. behind him was a suave looking marlene and a grumpy looking sirius. “wait up!”

lily shouted back. “we’re going to be late. you hurry up, wanker.”

marlene was doing a poor job of being discreet as she snuck back to the girls dorm, probably to see dorcas, and sirius was running his hands through his hair.

“you used up half my gel,” sirius grumbled. “and then you messed up your hair, so what was the point?”

james was by your side in moments and he offered you his elbow, which you accepted with a flourish. lily’s eyes darted to your linked arms, but she quickly recovered and gestured to the portrait hole. “the slug club awaits! onwards, my friends.”

lily’s kitten heels echoed through the corridor, clicking steadily, playing metronome as she set a brisk pace for your trio. there were already muffled voices emanating from the grand doors of slughorn’s meeting room; you were only a few minutes late.

it was drastically louder once you stepped inside. smooth jazz played from a vinyl which slughorn had amplified with a charm, fifth to seventh years were mostly stuck in cliques based on year or gender, and older wizards in dressier robes mingled with each other, for the most part disregarding the students. slughorn was meandering through the clumps of people, looking slightly distraught at the party’s reluctant beginning.

“miss evans! miss y/ln! mr. potter!” he beamed, squeezing past some adult wizards to welcome you. he shook each of your hands enthusiastically. “perfect timing! we’re about to begin dinner and introductions, so please make yourself comfortable at a seat.”

lily smiled apologetically at you and went in search of snape, while you and james found seating next to each other at the long, rectangular table. the two of you examined the students present: bellatrix lestrange, regulus black, snivelus severus snape, emmaline vance, pandora sailstream, yazmin patil, and of course, you, james, and lily.

slughorn stood from his position at the head of the table, tapping his fork on his class very traditionally. “dear students, colleagues, and friends, thank you for being in attendance today. as you know, the slug club is a group of exceptional hogwarts students with great potential, and i hope to nurture and create talented, powerful witches and wizards of you all.”

you looked at james with raised eyebrows, mouthing: “this feels like an ego trip more than trying to help us.”

james snorted, and a couple heads turned towards him. slughorn continued, unphased.

“now, if i can have our students introduce themselves, your interests, etcetera… starting down the line here,” he pointed at bellatrix, “we can begin dinner and i’ll allow you to interact with some of my old friends here.”

bellatrix cleared her throat; smokey eyes surveying the table. “bellatrix lestrange, slytherin house, pureblooded from the noble house of black-” she earned quite a few impressed looks from slughorn’s friends, “-advanced magic theory.”

you, and it seemed a few other half-blood and muggle born students, took notice of her emphasis on blood status—nearly her entire introduction was about her pureblooded status.

she and sirius couldn’t be any more different, you thought.

“regulus black.” he nodded stiffly to bellatrix, who didn’t seem particularly pleased with his presence either. “slytherin. seeker.” regulus was sharp and pointed; he clearly didn’t want to be there. bellatrix elbowed him roughly and he kept a straight face before opening his mouth once more. “...pureblood.”

“severus snape, pureblood, slytherin, potions.”

“emmaline vance; ravenclaw. i’m keen on defense against the dark arts.” she was much more personable than the slytherins.

“i’m pandora sailstream, also ravenclaw… and i like charms.”

“yazmin patil, nice to meet you all. hufflepuff, herbology.”

you glanced nervously at james and lily. the air in the room was strained, not just from slughorn’s pushiness, but from the obvious division of blood supremacists and their disapproving counterparts.

“i’m y/n y/l/n, gryffindor house, and i… am good at potions.” snape looked at you strangely, and it was then you were certain he had meant for you to see the book and his annotations. you looked away. the situation was too delicate to be handled without deep rumination, and you absolutely could not let your emotions get the best of you tonight.

“i’m james potter, a proud gryffindor,” he grinned, “chaser of the century and a dab hand at transfiguration.” a couple of the students and adults laughed weakly, but slughorn slapped the table approvingly.

“very good, my boy! and one more.”

“lily evans, muggleborn, gryffindor house, potions.” you winced. today was possibly the worst night for lily to be open about her pride in blood heritage. you admired her for it, and you were proud of being muggleborn in a time where blood supremacist ideology was rampant, but you knew when to pick your fights. the ice was too thin and stakes too high for her to be bold.

“wonderful!” slughorn lauded. he snapped his hands, summoning a squadron of house elves bearing a variety of classy finger foods, indulgent steaks, colorful vegetables, and rich desserts.

the food seemed to lightened the mood, and slughorn looked pleased at the turn of events. already, the guest wizards and witches began approaching students with business cards or advice. the row of three slytherins seemed to be the most popular.

james was quickly swept away by a quidditch team manager who’d recognized james even before his introduction. he winked at you before abandoning you altogether. it was just you, lily, and pandora left. you and pandora had awkward introductions and lily had made a controversial comment, so you didn’t take the disinterest personally. pandora seemed to, however. she left her spot at the table and slipped into james’ old seat, immediately diving into a passionate rant.

lily, always the caring one, entertained her. you tried to pay attention, but her complaints seemed so trivial in comparison to what had transpired in your dorm mere hours ago. snape was wrapping up his conversation, and when he glanced over at you, your eyes were already fixed on his face with burning intensity.

he stalked toward you, the most confident you’d ever seen him, and took the empty seat to your other side. he leered, somehow managing to make himself tower over you even while seated. you glared but didn’t dare speak.

“i believe you have something of mine,” he muttered, watching your face for any revealing expression, so you clenched your jaw.

“do i?”

“you do,” he said cooly. “but, because of my kindness, i won’t be upset with you for stealing my property.”

you ran your tongue across your top row of teeth, fuming. “i don’t know what you want from me, snape, but let me just say-”

“what makes you think i want anything from you?” he raised his eyebrows. “you can keep the book, if you’d like. i’ve read it plenty of times.”

you exhaled gruffly. “i know a threat when i see one, snape. don’t play dumb.” oh, how you wanted to tear him apart like slughorn’s pulled pork.

“threats… threats? it sounds like you’re the one threatening me.” he waved a hand between the two of you and you realized how close in proximity you had become. with each exchange, you’d slowly inched closer to assert dominance. now, you were hovering just in front of his greasy, malevolent face.

snape sneered. “i’d watch what you say, if i were you. see, i just want you to be safe. there are real bad people out there; you never know what might happen to a little girl like you… or a half-breed.”

“keep him out of this,” you spat. “torment me however you want, but you stay out of his damn business, do you understand?”

“are you really so naive?” snape scoffed patronizingly. “you think you’re gonna to protect your filthy half-breed boyfriend with an ultimatum? don’t forget who’s dealing the cards, mudblood.”

you closed your eyes, refusing to let tears fall. snape pulled back, smug, and wandered off into the safety of the slytherin crowd.

you jumped, startled by the feeling of a hand grabbing your forearm. “james? what are you doing?” you hissed.

“what are you doing?” james retorted, narrowing his eyes at you. “i think we need to talk.”

james tightened his grip on you and pulled you from the room, excusing the both of you to the bathroom. he dragged you down the corridor and out of earshot.

“what the hell is wrong with you?” james flung his arms out and they fell against his sides.

you scowled, crossing your arms. “with me? you’’re the one who forced me out of a party and now you’re yelling at me for no reason!”

“oh, there’s a reason,” james laughed sardonically, “snivelus. what the fuck was that?”

you stared at him in disbelief. “i- i don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“why were you talking to snivelus? you were so- is there something going on between you?” james was enraged, pacing the corridor as his face began to flush.

“excuse me?” you screeched. “what the fuck?”

“i don’t bloody know!” james ripped his glasses from his face and rubbed his eyes aggressively. “i thought you and r- merlin, you said he was ‘nice’ during potions and now you’re sitting next to him; talking to him!”

“i can’t believe you’re accusing me of associating with a fucking blood supremacist,” you snarled, storming up to him and jabbing your finger into his chest accusingly. “i’m a muggleborn, if you’ve somehow forgotten! what the fuck is wrong with you, pr- james?”

“you were this close to each other!” he used his fingers to demonstrate. “you- you’re all cozied up to him! you’re fucking intimate with him!”

if you weren’t standing outside a room full of powerful wizards, you would’ve hexed james, right then and there. you settled for shoving him. his chest, hardened and broad from quidditch, barely budged at your force.

“you know what? fuck you, james. stay out of my damn business!”

james didn’t bother following you as you stomped away from him and to the common room, tears finally escaping your eyes. dorcas’ work must’ve been ruined. you wiped your cheeks to find black mascara staining your fingers, and you were sure your lipstick was a mess after so much screaming and anxious biting. you snuck a peek at your reflection in a window. your face was puffy, your eyelids were drooping, and you looked—to put it succinctly—pathetic.

the fat lady pouted at you sympathetically as you slumped through the portrait hole. your tears had long stopped and were now soaking into your skin, pulling your cheeks taunt as the salt dried. you stumbled, catching yourself on the back of a couch just before you were about to collapse. you hadn’t eaten dinner, you’d cried out all the hydration from your body, and on top of that, you were still reeling from not only your argument with james, but snape’s threats and the discovery of his book.

and now you were alone. you were completely and utterly alone, slumped half-concious in an silent common room late at night while your friends were sleeping comfortably or enjoying the lavishness of slughorn’s party.

you had no more water in your system to cry out; instead, you began hiccuping and heaving. your throat was dry and you were sure that this was it, that you would stop breathing and pass out where you stood. what a sad way to go. what a sad, sorry excuse you were for a witch. what a cowardly, useless gryffindor you were, such an unlovable-

“bunny?” remus’ voice was gravelly from sleepiness but laced with concern.

“remus?” you struggled to keep your eyes open, wanting nothing more than to escape into a peaceful, dreamless sleep. “why are you still awake?”

“well, i promised i’d stay up for you, right?” he stumbled down the stairs, his long legs slightly unstable. in a blink, remus was behind you and wrapping you in his arms, burying his nose into your hair and mumbling intelligiblely about what you assumed was meant to be comforting.

he dropped his lips to your ear. “what happened?” he murmured. he seemed to have sobered up; his voice was much clearer than before.

“i don’t- everything, rem,” you whimpered. “i can’t. i can’t.”

he cooed, turning you to face him by the shoulders. his face fell at the sight of you—hair mussed, eyes glistening red, bottom lip tucked between your teeth so harshly he thought for sure you’d hurt yourself. he raised his hand to cup your cheek, but froze midair. “love. love? is it okay if i touch you?”

you nodded silently, wrapping your arms around your waist and fighting the urge to start full-body trembling. your eyes fell closed, and you weren’t sure if you had the energy to open them.

remus’ hand finally came to your cheek, freeing your lip from your teech before nesting itself between your jawline. his thumb rested just below your eye, gently swiping at the remnants of the mascara you’d cried off.

“alright, why don’t we sit down? you’re lookin’ a little shaky there, bun.” he moved his hand from your face and pressed it to the small of your back, guiding you to the couch with his other hand in yours for support. eyes still closed, you stumbled slightly on the edge of the carpet, and he caught you, bringing you closer to him and rubbing your back soothingly. you shivered.

“are you cold?” remus’ forehead creased. without hesitation, he began to peel off his jumper and held it out to you. “here, you need to stay warm.”

“thanks,” you mumbled. in reality, you’d shivered because of remus’ touch. but you weren’t about to turn down his jumper. “can y’help?”

remus took the jumper back, opening it up and pulling it over your head. he even guided your arms into the sleeves, and your mouth twitched upwards at his smell: parchment, something woodsy, and a hint of spice. oh, and chocolate. chocolate?

“would you like chocolate?” remus a bar between you and broke off a piece.

you finally smiled, allowing your eyes to flicker open. “yeah.” you opened your mouth.

remus stared at you quizzically before his eyes widened. in the dimness of the common room, you couldn’t see his reaction, but you felt him turn away from you momentarily. when he returned his attention to you, he exhaled shakily and placed the square of chocolate on your tongue delicately, watching as you took it in your mouth. he gulped.

“thanks, rem.”

“yeah. yeah, anytime. i’m always going to be here for you, y’know that right? i know that you don’t really like talking about… your-”

“my feelings, yeah. i just feel silly. ‘cos you’re going through so much, and so is sirius, and lily too, and i just… i don’t wanna waste your time,” you confessed.

remus took hold of your biceps and swiveled your torso so you were facing him. “you are not a waste of time. it doesn’t matter how big or small—your feelings are important. and you’ve never once said that me or sirius or lily’s feelings are a waste of time, so why do you think that about yourself?”

you sniffed. “i dunno. but now i feel everything, rem. ‘s all there. i feel like i’m gonna vomit. not really, but fuck, it’s so much. it’s so, so much.”

remus hummed, wrapping his arm around the back of your head and bringing your forehead to his chest. you breathed in his cologne once more, feeling his scent wash through your body as if it were cleansing you of the brain fog.

after a stretch of silence, remus spoke. “do you wanna talk about it or just sit here with me?”

“talk.” you didn’t hesitate or fight yourself, and remus just wanted to kiss you; he was so proud.

“alright, i’m listening.”

you couldn’t find it in yourself to make eye contact. instead, you shuffled forward, tucking yourself fully into his chest and wrapping your legs around his back. your arms curled under his and joined themselves at the top of his spine. you felt like a koala, and you were okay with that.

you managed to squeeze out the details of your fight with james. remus’ grip tightened protectively as you explained why james had made his assumption, describing the way snape had gotten so close to you. he stiffened at the word “intimate,” and then you were the one rubbing his back. for the first time, you let yourself pour everything out. you didn’t hold anything back; well, except for the reason snape had confronted you in the first place.

remus’ nose twitched as he tried to regain his composure. he was pissed at james—how dare he accuse you of being intimate with a blood supremacist? you were the kindest, most loyal, boldest, best person he know. remus wasn’t sure if he was more upset with snape or james.

he felt you shake in his arms and began rubbing more warmth into you. he sighed, unable to stop replaying the scene of you and snape and james; each reset was a new stab. “hey.” he tilted your head upwards. “hey, look at me. it’s gonna be okay. everybody argues.”

his words of reassurance seemed to push you further away. “n- no, you don’t understand,” you choked, “i can’t fix this one. i can’t- rem, i messed up. merlin, i’ve messed up really, really badly and i don’t think i can fix this. i don’t know what’s going on. i don’t know what’s gonna happen. i’m scared. damn it, i’m scared, remus.”

remus clenched and unclenched his jaw. “it’s late, bunny. maybe we should think about this in the morning, when you’ve got some food in ‘ya and a bit of coffee. d’you wanna go back to your room?”

“no please,” you whispered. “can- can you stay with me? just this once. please.”

every shred of remus’ restraint collapsed at your words, and he swept you into your arms and peppered kisses to your hairline. “i’m here, okay? i’m not gonna leave you.” he coaxed you into a laying position, crouching on his knees in front of you so he could brush the hair from your face.

“remus?” you slurred, cracking your eyes open. “will you hold me?”

he pulled his lips into a downward smile; empathetic eyes wandering your body. he curled himself behind you, pulling your back into his chest and lacing his legs between yours, tucking his nose into the crook of your neck. you felt around for his hand, and when you found it, you pulled it over your body and towards your face. remus felt something soft tickle his palm.

kisses. you were kissing him.

“thank you, remus,” you muttered, voice timid.

“always.”

･ﾟ⋆☾*･ﾟ.・。.*゜✭・･ﾟ✫・⋆。.

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remusluvr · 9 months

Text

all these things that i've done | remus lupin

summary: Remus is drunk, you're the first person he thinks of to call. content: drunk Remus, exes, throwing up (and reader tells Remus to throw up so he can get it out of his system), unedited

"(Y/N)," he draws out, voice high and sing-songy. He's honestly a little surprised you picked up his call. You're a little surprised that you picked up too. It's nearly two in the morning. Anyone in their right mind would have woken up, seen that their ex was calling, and put the phone right back down to go to sleep. You couldn't though not with the achy feeling that formed in your stomach after seeing the caller ID.

"Hi, Remus. Are you alright?" you ask, voice raspy from having been woken up. You hear James nearby calling for Remus and Remus brushing him off so he can find a quieter place to talk to you. "What's going on?"

"We went to a bar. It's the bar that we always used to go to," he breathes, background much quieter now. He must have gotten away. You don't really know what to say. "It made me think of you. James told me not to call."

"You're drunk, Remus," you grumbled, fingers pinching at the bridge of your nose. Of course, he's drunk. That's the only reason why he's calling. "Go back to James and Sirius. Are they trying to leave?"

"No. But I want to leave."

"Are you really calling me for a ride? What the fuck?"

"No, no, no, no, no. I mean, yes. I am calling for a ride but I miss you."

"Call an uber." With that, you hang up the phone. How dare he call you asking for a ride after you haven't spoken to each other in months. You lost half of your friends because of your breakup. Lily and Marlene are the only ones that still talk to you. Every once in a while, you'll get a text from James but nothing important.

And you would think with the way you're fuming at him for thinking he could just call you up and you'd come running, that when his name comes up on your phone again you wouldn't answer it. You do.

"I'm sorry for calling you. Please don't be mad at me," he whispered. You feel bad. He's obviously drunk with no way to get home. You don't want him to take an uber by himself and the bar isn't too far from your house.

"Wait outside, I'll be there in fifteen." He mumbles a thank you before you can hang up on him. You huff under your breath as you take the warm blankets off of you, getting up to locate a pair of pants, shoes, and your car keys.

He's like an excited puppy when you get there, jumping up immediately as you pull in front of where he's sitting with James. James doesn't look as drunk as Remus and you're grateful that one of them had the hindsight to be a little smart. Getting out of the car, Remus is on you, pulling you into a hug so he can rest his cheek on your head, mumbling out a, "Missed you so much."

You try to ignore the pull his words have on your heart but it's only been a few months since you broke up. You haven't exactly moved on from him.

"He drank a lot," James explains, "I tried to get him to call anyone else but he told me that he wanted you to come and get him."

You spin in Remus's hold so he's pressed against your back, face buried in your neck. You're trying to talk to James but you can't focus, not when he starts pressing kisses onto your skin like no time has passed between the two of you seeing each other.

"Don't worry, I'll get him home."

"Noooo, can I sleep on your couch? Please?" James looks at you with a look of pity. You brush it off, reaching back to run a hand through Remus's hair. You say bye to his friends, pulling him into the passenger seat of your car and handing him a water bottle that you had grabbed before you left. "You're so sweet."

You don't say anything, climbing into the driver's seat and starting in the direction of his house. He notices and is quick to whine about wanting to be with you. If it weren't so late maybe you'd have more energy to argue, but you don't so you just start in the direction of your apartment.

"I think about you all the time," he confesses. That's bold coming from the boy who locked you out of his life. He broke up with you so why does he think he has a right to say these things to you. You have to remind yourself that he's drunk so you don't slap him across the face. "I don't think I'll ever get over you, sweetheart."

"Rem, stop talking," you say through clenched teeth. He doesn't know what he's saying and he won't remember it in the morning. Tomorrow, he'll wake up and scurry out before you wake up so that he doesn't have to face you, you're sure of it.

"I never stopped loving you. Was just scared to let you in."

There are tears pricking at your eyes but you won't let yourself cry. You won't. Because if you do then Remus will just try to comfort you and you'll let yourself get your hopes up. You don't say anything the rest of the way home.

He throws up the minute he steps out of your car. You groan, throwing his arm over your shoulder so you can help him into the house and to a proper toilet.

"I'm sorry I called you. Just need you. I hate not having you around."

"We can talk in the morning. Pull the trig and throw up so we can both sleep."

You let him sleep on the floor by your bed after he complained about the couch. Anything to just have him shut up. You don't sleep much, not when you can hear him breathing so close to you. Everything he's said tonight keeps replaying in your head as you stare up at the ceiling. If he really means any of it, he'll be here in the morning and willing to talk to you. If not, you'll block him and finally let go.

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strawberrysodaslut · 2 years

Text

POLY!MARAUDERS

❛ ━━━━━━━━･❪ ❁ ❫･━━━━━━━━━ ❜

masterlist

taglist

❛ ━━━━━━━━･❪ ❁ ❫･━━━━━━━━━ ❜

all of my smut and other nsfw posts are 18+

❛ ━━━━━━━━･❪ ❁ ❫･━━━━━━━━━ ❜

One shots

Friendly Competition {smut, 1.5k words}

James is good at giving head… like crazy good. Remus and Sirius try to keep from being jealous, a night of ecstasy has the two competing to match James’ skill level.

Lessons Learned {smut, 1.9k words}

after James’ little… teaching session, his ego is at an all time high. So Remus as Sirius decide to use you to show James that he still has much to learn.

➶ pt 2 to ‘friendly competition’

Cloud Gazing {smut, 2.2k words}

after a nice morning at the lake, you feel needy for your boys and they are more than happy to help you out.

Blurbs

poly!marauders finding out you wear a binder

❛ ━━━━━━━━･❪ ❁ ❫･━━━━━━━━━ ❜

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madwcman · 6 months

Text

never gonna love again

pairing: remus lupin x fem! reader

summary: inspired by “cowboy like me” by taylor swift

warnings: fluff, slight angst, remus smokes a cigarette, mentions of drinking (very brief) & lyrics are in italics & bold

authors note: i finally finished this!! it’s a little long i hope you guys don’t mind :)

“and the tennis court was covered up with some tent-like thing. and you asked me to dance, but i said, ‘dancing is a dangerous game.’ oh, i thought this is gonna be one of those things. now i know, i’m never gonna love again.”

you really never saw this coming; lily evans marrying james potter. it was funny how one of your closest friends married the person she claimed to have hated back in hogwarts. you watch silently on the side as lily and james happily dance in a crowd of happy couples under bright lights.

“they look happy don’t they?” a deep voice asks, slightly startling you, you turn to look at your surprise visitor. your eyes meet the face of remus lupin. a boy (now man) you used to go to school with and a good friend of james.

“yes, yes they do.” you state matter of fact, turning your head back to the people dancing. “i’m remus.” you turn your head to look at remus again, he has his hand out, wanting to shake hands with you. “i know who you are.” it came out more rude than you intended. but you didn’t apologize. “oh” he's a little surprised by your blunt response, but gives you a smile. “well would you like to dance y/n?”

“i’m not sure about that.” you’re hesitant, you can’t really dance and you don’t know remus. you’re not sure if you want to. but the man wasn’t going to give up. “well we don’t have to dance, c'mon.” remus keeps his hand out for you to grab. you were still hesitant to take remus hand not knowing where the tall man intended to take you, but you finally decided to go. it was better than just standing on the sidelines watching people dance.

“i've got some tricks up my sleeve. takes one to know one, you're a cowboy like me”

you let remus walk you outside of the big white tent where the wedding ceremony was still taking place around your friends. it’s a grassy green area with nothing around but wildflowers. remus lets go of your hand and takes a few more steps forward. reaching into his pockets. he grabs a lighter and a cigarette packet, grabbing one and quickly lighting it.

“do you mind?” he questions, slightly raising an eyebrow. “no, not at all” you shrug your shoulders, as remus mumbles a “thanks” as he lifts the cigarette to his mouth. “so why take me out here?” you question as remus smokes. “just wanted to talk to you.” you walk toward remus and decide to sit down, he joins you; cigarette still in his mouth. you watch him silently while he smokes his cigarette. “ya know, i’ve always found you pretty while attending hogwarts.” remus turns to look at you, a smile on his face.

“yeah?” you’re a little baffled really not expecting to hear that from remus. you always thought remus was out of your league and you’ve never really had the guts to say you liked him back then. “yeah, of course how could i not?” you just shrug not knowing how to answer his question. “i’ve always found you quite pretty too.” you say silently, remus laughs at that, he has never been described as pretty from others except from james. “you’re a liar.” he claims, still laughing. “believe it or not lupin i did.” he stops laughing, and stares at you for a moment, trying to figure out if you’re lying. “really?” and you’re surprised he doesn’t believe you. “everyone had a crush on you back then.”

“as they did you.” and it was true. you both did have a dating history back in hogwarts, but you haven’t dated much now since you left school. it grows quiet between the two of you, remus looks down at you with a small smile with of course a hint of mischief in it.

“can i kiss you?” remus moves closer to you waiting for an answer. you nod your head a little fast, letting out a shaky “yes”, remus places one hand under your chin and the other on the side of your face delicately. as if you're made of glass, lifting your head up as he slightly bends down to kiss you. soft and tender, are the words to describe this kiss. you’ve kissed plenty of people in your life but none of them felt as soft and sweet as this kiss with remus. he held you and touched you so tenderly, no one has ever held you like this. it was nice, it was new for you. you move in more confident, asking remus to give you more, you move your hands up to remus dark hair gripping it.

“lupin get your grimy hands off lily’s friend and join the rest of us back in the tent!” you pull back from remus with a gasp of surprise leaving your lips. remus backs up a little from you, as you turn to look at sirius, remus just shakes his head giving sirius a thumbs up while looking down at you. as sirius walks back into the tent you turn your head to remus. and now it’s silent and you feel slightly awkward, now making yourself smaller, letting go of remus and holding your arms against yourself. not knowing what to do. remus laughs a little, sensing the awkwardness. “can i have your number?” he asks with a smile hoping you’ll say yes. “yeah, yeah you can.”

remus gets your number and makes a promise to call you before he turns and makes his way back to the tent leaving you alone to join your friends. you know remus had a history with dating people back at hogwarts.. you couldn’t judge since you did as well. you’re just nervous it’s going to end how it always does. it’s just going to end as a one time thing.

“never wanted love just a fancy car. now i'm waiting by the phone, like i'm sitting in an airport bar. you had some tricks up your sleeve takes one to know one.”

after that one interaction with remus at the wedding, he promised to call and he did, you’ve been seeing remus for a month now. and you never expected to fall in love this fast but you did. you fell hard. you love spending your days with remus. he was exciting, fun, smart and sweet. you wait for his every move and wait for every call. it’s like you have nothing better to do than to just sit and wait like you would at an airport bar.

you’re sitting on the couch reading a book while waiting for remus to call you, he said he would call sometime today. and you just can’t wait to talk to him. the phone rings and you quickly discard the book and pick up the phone. excited to talk to remus. “hello?” and it’s only a few seconds of silence until on the other end of the line you hear remus’ voice. “hi dove!” you can’t see remus but you’re sure he has a crooked smile on his face. “remus, hi!” you say brightly and a little loud, he laughs a little, “can i come over? i miss you.”

“yes!” you say it too quick and fast to your liking. you try to save it with a little cough. “er- i mean yeah.” and he laughs again, knowing you were trying to play it cool. you feel heat creep onto your cheeks, flushed and a little embarrassed. “okay i’ll come over”

“great” you say quietly and fondly. “i should be over by five, is that okay?” you shake your head but remus isn’t there to see it. “yes i can’t wait to see you.” you state, with a smile. “i can’t wait to see you dove, i’ll see you later.”

and you blush, happy remus also can’t wait to see you. and love’s spending time with you. “i’ll see you.” the phone call ends, you sigh and mentally jab at yourself, you were supposed to play it cool. instead you embarrassed yourself. you were a fool in love.

“you're a cowboy like me; perched in the dark. telling all the rich folks anything they wanna hear. like it could be love. i could be the way forward, only if they pay for it. you're a bandit like me, eyes full of stars. hustling for the good life. never thought i'd meet you here. it could be love. we could be the way forward. and i know i'll pay for it.”

it’s later in the day, almost night. you and remus are laying together in your bed, limbs tangled together. holding onto one another. it’s been a long day, and you wanted remus to stay the night. not really wanting to part from him.

it’s quiet, a comfortable quiet, which you always enjoy when you're with remus. but you have this feeling to get off your chest. you enjoy remus and his company. and you’re in love with him but you're scared. you’ve never really been in love with anyone like this.

“remus if we fall in love, i’m going to pay for it.” you state intensely. not really knowing why you’re telling him this.

remus laughs looking down at you, a little puzzled by your intense claim. “what do you mean?”

and you look up to him, he has a lazy smile and kind eyes. “it’s either i’m going to get my heart broken by you or i’m going to fall madly in love with you either way i’m going to pay for it.”

it’s silent for a moment, the moment now feeling heavy. you ruined it you thought. but his lazy smile turns bright and his cheeks turn a little red while he pulls you as close to him as he can “well i hope you pay for the later.”

“and the skeletons in both our closets plotted hard to fuck this up. and the old men that i've swindled really did believe i was the one. and the ladies lunching have their stories about when you passed through town, but that was all before i locked it down.”

remus invited you to come to sirius’ party, you were excited. the party so far was okay, nothing too crazy. you met some of remus’ friends and saw a few old ones as well. and had a few drinks here and there. not really feeling up to socializing, you stand by remus side as he talks to a few people.

“so you’re remus’ new girlfriend?” you turn and see sadie, a girl you used to go to school with; she was one of remus ex girlfriends. “yeah she is”, remus answers for you, turning to look at you and sadie.

“oh! well it probably won’t last.” she says it lamely, as if she’s bored with this topic already.

you utter a confused “what “ as remus glares at sadie, warning her. she doesn’t notice remus stare or she simply doesn’t care she laughs and turns to you with a wide open smile.

“remus never keeps a girlfriend around long.” she jokes, with a laugh that seems a little too fake. “he gets bored, don’t you rem?” you look over at remus with concern. “sure, sadie.” he says curtly, as he grabs your hand leading you somewhere else to sit and talk.

you’re trying really hard to not let sadie get into your head, but it was really hard. what had she meant by remus doesn’t keep girlfriends around long? does she mean remus doesn’t want anything that’s long term? or doesn’t like anything too serious? will he cut you off when things are too serious? you hope that’s not the case.

remus leads you outside the house to the backyard, he takes a seat on the ground and tilts his head up to you raising an eyebrow, asking you to join him. you sit down besides him.

“are you okay?” he asks while grabbing your hand holding it. you reassure him with a small “i’m fine” he looks at you for a moment and you can’t indicate what he’s thinking. “are you sure?” he asks again, you sigh not wanting to pick a fight with him about your overthinking thoughts. “remus just let it be.” your tone sounds a little agitated, and mean. you can see remus is taken back by it.

“you’re acting like a child.” he shakes his head, his arms crossing in front of his chest, his eyes narrowing at you, quickly adding, “is this about what sadie said?” you go quiet for a moment, knowing it was. sadie got into your head about your relationship with remus. the silence answered remus' question. he scoffs at you. “it is.”

“re-“ before you can explain how you feel remus interrupts you. “this is ridiculous.” he’s scolding you as if you're a child, his voice is low and a little cruel. he gets up from the ground and turns his back towards you walking back into the house leaving you outside alone.

“now you hang from my lips, like the gardens of babylon. with your boots beneath my bed forever is the sweetest con.”

it’s been a few days since your argument with remus. you haven’t seen or heard from him. after your argument with remus you just decided to leave the party, you didn’t have the guts to see remus after and you weren’t in a partying mood. these past few days you wonder if you officially messed things up with remus. he hasn’t called or texted, but you haven’t exactly called or texted him either, you’re a little scared to. you don’t want what you have with remus to end. but you want to talk to remus.

grabbing your phone and calling remus you wait with anticipation, hoping he’ll answer your call. the phone rings for a while until it stops and it’s silent for a moment.

“hello?” you sigh in relief as remus answers the call. and you’re silent trying to figure out what to say. “dove are you there?” remus comes to your rescue, ending the silence for you.

“remus, i miss you.” you finally manage to word out. you’re nervous he’s still mad at you.

“i missed you too.” he quickly follows up with you, and your nerves ease down.

“i’m sorry.” and you are, you should’ve talked to remus at the party. “i’m sorry for leaving and not talking to you, it was mean” you quickly add explaining your apology.

“you don’t have to be sorry love, i’m sorry for not hearing you out.. and for being short with you.” remus assures you. “can you come over please?” you ask softly, missing remus. “of course.” you both say goodbye to each other and end the phone call with a smile on your face.

“i've had some tricks up my sleeve, takes one to know one; you're a cowboy like me. and I'm never gonna love again.”

you fell in love with remus, it wasn’t a one time thing or another short term relationship just like your previous relationships. you’re happy where you are now with him, sitting on the couch humming to music that’s playing. as one song ends and another starts to play. remus goes to stand. “y/n dance with me?” he reaches for your hand and you instantly grab it.

“i’m not good at dancing.” you claim, nervously, looking up at remus. “that’s okay, i’ll teach you.” remus places your hands where they need to be placed and starts to sway slowly to the music.

you stay like that for a moment, dancing with remus. you look up towards him with a small, shy smile. “remus, i’m never gonna love again.” and he could barely hear it, your voice small and quiet but he heard it. “meaning?” he chuckles a little to himself holding you tighter, while dancing. “i’ve fallen hopelessly in love with you. i’m never going to love anyone like this again.” you say softly as you both continue to sway yourselves to the end of the song.

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sp1rit-realm · 8 months

Text

༻¨*:· 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐋𝐈𝐅𝐓 ·:*¨༺

༻¨*:· summary ·:*¨༺ you hate remus lupin, and he hates you. what happens when you get stuck in a lift together?

༻¨*:· notes ·:*¨༺ 𖦹 hour five!!!!! 𖦹 enemies to ?? 𖦹 forced proximity 𖦹 fem!reader 𖦹 remus has chronic pain 𖦹 i did not proofread this bc i'm lazy ⎝(ˊᗜˋ)⎠ 𖦹 ik this is short but next ch will be out very very soon. i am trying to keep you fed, my children, but life is hard and i am busy! 𖦹 again, thank you so, so much for the love on this series!!!!

༻¨*:· word count ·:*¨༺ 𖦹 465

prologue / hour 5 << pt. 6 -- hour 5 >> six months ago

"Shit— That's not—" He struggles out.

༻¨*:· 𝐇𝐎𝐔𝐑 𝟓 ·:*¨༺

"No, I get it, Remus. I'm just a human disappointment, aren't I?"

"Y/n," he sighs, "That's—that's not what I meant."

"So what did you mean, Remus?"

"I—" His mouth stays open, but nothing comes from it.

"That's what I thought."

"Y/n," He scrambles frantically, "I didn't— I wasn't thinking straight. Please, listen—"

"Why would you even care? It's not like you enjoy me or anything. You hate me, Remus," Tears coat your eyes, and you're praying to whoever—whatever will listen that they won't fall. They don't listen, "You hate me, and I hate you." You huff, angrily wiping at your tears.

"I," He shakes his head, "I don't hate you."

It's like an invisible fist wraps itself around your lungs and squeezes. You can't breathe. The walls start closing in on you, "Yes, you do." You insist.

He winces, glancing down at the floor, before shaking his head, "No. No, I don't."

He looks up at you, voice dropping to a whisper, almost painfully quiet, "I've never hated you."

You stand up, "You're lying, Remus. Don't lie to me."

He stands, too, "I— I'm not lying. How do I make you believe that?"

"How?" You ask, "Try not being a dick to me!"

His gaze remains fixed on the ground, "I'll— okay. I'll be nice," He decides.

"Actually," You huff, "Don't bother."

He sighs, rubbing his face, "You are being so difficult! Do you want me to be nice or not?"

You want to scream, "I want you to tell me the truth! Do you hate me or not?!"

Remus groans, sliding back down the wall, "You are impossible," He sounds defeated—he looks the part, too.

"So what if I am?" You're being difficult on purpose by now, but you have every right to. He's the one who screwed things up between the two of you. Things could have been perfect, but they aren't. You are stuck in a godforsaken lift with Remus Lupin, and he doesn't hate you.

'I don't hate you.'

The words taunt you—they replay in your mind over and over.

Remus Lupin doesn't hate you.

"Hey," The voice from earlier crackles through the speaker, "Maintenance is," he takes a deep breath, "Maintenance is gonna be another hour or so. Sorry 'bout that. Hang in there!" And with that, he's gone.

The tension is so thick you swear you can feel it weighing you down.

You're both silent for about ten minutes.

"I don't hate you. I— I wish I had a valid excuse for the way I've treated you, but I don't." Remus looks at his palms like there's blood on his hands—and there very well might be.

Your voice is small, "So what's your reason?" You lift your head to look at him, but he's still staring at his hands.

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melodramaschild · 1 year

Text

𝐅𝐔𝐍𝐄𝐑𝐀𝐋 𝐛𝐲 𝐏𝐡𝐨𝐞𝐛𝐞 𝐁𝐫𝐢𝐝𝐠𝐞𝐫𝐬

Navigation || age limit || before reading Funeral, read this

Warnings: DEATH, ANGST, Remus in the first two stages of grieving, Remus talks about leaving this world, one character die in the end too, talking about suicide but nothing in details, some scenes are smutty but nothing explicit, also dxs dynamic bcs it was the request but it’s not for the whole story, use of Y/n and reader’s pronouns she/her

Let me know if I forgot anything

Words count: 6 594

Pairing: Remus Lupin x fem!reader

Relationship: lovie dovie

Read me: If you see any mistakes, please let me know. English isn’t my first, not even second, language and reminding me of some mistakes would help a lot. Also, please reblog.

I'm singin' at a funeral tomorrow

For a kid a year older than me

｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ

Remus went stone cold, almost like a statue when the question reached his ears. He thought that he was hallucinating. He must be. There was no way that anyone could request that from him.

But as he opened and raised his eyes he was met with the faces of your parents. Their faces in agony pleading him to have a speech at your funeral.

It was a request from your parents. It was a request from everyone. Everyone seemed to be deaf, mute and blind when you were brought up as a topic. Everyone pretend like that situation never happened. Everyone immediately changed the topic just to avoid you.

All of them were too struck by that. All of them avoided the real main lead because their hearts were too weak to be standing there for you.

He was just a boy!

How can you ask a kid to be the main lead on another’s kid funeral?!

“But you were her lover, you should be the one who does it!”

But that wasn’t fair!

And Remus wished he didn’t have to do it, because his throat was caught in barbed wire. It’s only been two weeks and he felt like it was only two minutes without you.

And everytime he thought about what he was supposed to do for you, he felt like he was going to die and see you.

But of course he was going to do it. In the name of you and in the name of you.

And I've been talkin' to his dad, it makes me so sad

Your father begged him, the thick mountain of rudeness and shouting and love begging your tall boy to speak. Your father used to scream a lot. He used to fight with you all the time. He always had something to say but something deep inside him died when you left.

It wasn’t fair.

He didn’t have enough time to apologise. He didn’t have enough time to knock on your door and give you your favourite ice-cream. He didn’t have enough time to hug you for the last time and tell you how much he loved you.

Time was a cruel wizard in this world.

Time was a disease.

Time took you away from him like you belong to death since you were born.

Time gave him his punishment to live in blaming himself. Time was a disease.

Time was a killer.

When the funeral speech was mentioned, your father was lost of words.

Like his ability to form words went lost with your life too.

It broke Remus’ heart to see your father on his knees and grasping onto him and begging him over and over again to speak for you, to be his voice he lost.

That night was the first night your father cried that much, it was the first night that Remus held your father in his arms while he sobbed too.

Your father hasn't spoken since then.

Your father hasn’t smiled since that. He wasn’t speaking with anyone. Not even with your cat. Nothing, just a deadly silence because what was the point of words if they couldn’t reach you?

When I think too much about it, I can't breathe

Remus was choking on his sobs, the endless loop of memories with you haunted him. Endless fake scenarios with you haunted him. Endless imagining that you were still in his arms haunted him.

Every time he woke up, he swore that for the first five minutes, you were on your side of the bed, still bundled up beneath the duvet and smiling at his sleepy, groggy face. He still could feel your hand reaching out and ruffling his sandy hair.

He still could feel the warmth from your body, he still could smell your scent and hear your soft breaths. He still felt your warmth breathing trashing on his skin.

He still felt your skin underneath his fingers and the visible lines of your tattoos. God, he loved your tattoos. He loved how your eyes got all shiny and sparkly when you gasped out “I’m going to get this as my next tattoo!” on a random evening on a random day. He loved when you asked for help where to put it because it always ended up with him kissing that spot.

And right next to that. And a little bit on the left too. And all over the spot and all over around until you were whimpering under him and begging him for more than kisses.

How he held your hand as you jumped around him and how you excitedly bambled about the tattoo. You were like a kid that was promised a sweet treat and he loved how lovely and passionated you always got before your tattoos.

“So see you in two hours?” Remus smirked down at you, pulling you closer for a quick peck on your sweet cheek. “Yeah, yeah, of course!” You were already somewhere else with your mind. “Hey,” Remus pulled you closer again. “Look at me.” he softly said, cupping your cheeks in his warm palms. Your eyes locked with his, he was warm and felt welcoming and… patient.

“Have fun there, don’t forget to take breaks if you need them and say hi to Rafi from me.” he pecked your forehead once again. He earned a soft laugh from you and your hug. “Don’t worry, I will, I will, lover boy.” you assured him. “And you!” you poked his chest while you looked up. “You will be careful on your leg and you will tell boys not to run around with you or I will beat them.”

Remus laughed, “Of course, you will.”

“Please,” you brushed your hand slightly over his hip, just where he was damaged the most. “Be careful, Lupin.” With a raised eyebrow in a warning manner, your hand moved to his, to his scarred hand on the support cane, squeezing a bit, just to let him know that you’re deadly serious about your statement.

“Of course I will, darling love.” he reassured you and wriggled with his hips a bit, proving to you that he was still able to act like a teenager.

“You went to get a tattoo without me?! Such a betray!” Sirius gasped when you showed them your new sternum tattoo. Remus only proudly smirked at all of them, his smirk telling, maybe even screaming “That’s my brave sexy girl.”

Sirius dramatically threw his hand on his forehead and pretended to faint while falling down onto Peter’s open arms.

“Well maybe if you weren’t such a pussy.” You teased with a chuckle and sat down on the side of the armchair where Remus was smirking from.

Sometimes he hated how you refused to sit in his lap since that injury. But both of you knew that it would hurt him. And yet, he loved how you automatically and immediately knew not to sit in his lap anymore because it would hurt.

Sometimes he even felt guilty for that injury. He just wanted to have you in his lap for one more time.

But he got paid off when one of your legs tangled between his spreaded thighs. And how he could place his hand on your inner thigh and comfortingly stroke your skin over there and how he could lay down his head onto your plush soft thigh and how you played with his hair while your other arm was wrapped around his shoulder.

He felt a bit spoiled by your touch like that. And he was loving every second of it.

He missed your kisses. Your soft lips leaving coloured kisses on his injured hip, right around and on his scar that was lingering across his hip.

He missed how you always looked up at him and started planting even more kisses.

“I will never wash my hip.” He joked one summer night. “That’s disgusting.” You mumbled onto his skin. “But I approve of that.” You carefully laid your head on his naked hip, right on your kisses. You looked at him with your sweet and honest smile, there was a pure admiration in your eyes.

And in his mind he created a plan of getting one of your dark red kisses tattooed just right there. Something like your personal signature.

But all of it was just memories and fake scenarios. None of it was real anymore.

Just an endless loop of memories with you that haunted him. Endless fake scenarios with you haunted him. Endless imagining that you were still in his arms haunted him.

And I have this dream where I'm screamin' underwater

While my friends are wavin' from the shore

They dressed in white sheets and ran into his dreams every bloody night just to remind him that you were not there anymore. Just to remind him what a goner he was without his girl.

That now you were a ghost too.

He hoped that you’d come back and you’d be ghosting in his house. Maybe move with his things and make a whole chaos in an apartment that was once his and yours.

God, he even thought about it. You being a ghost. After that he let the dust settle on the floor, on his bed, on every surface in that apartment so he could see your tracks as you walked by.

But it never happened. No tracks from you and the more dust collected, the more he was losing his hope.

But hope was a danger thing for a man like him to have, and he had it.

And I don't need you to tell me what that means

I don't believe in that stuff anymore

But it was just a dream, afterall. You weren’t coming back. Not any time soon or later. You left forever and he was still there. Dust collected on his sandy hair, in his apartment, in his bed. Just right where you left him and he was naively hoping that you would open the door and come back into bed and lean to his warm chest again like nothing happened.

Like you always used to after a long day. Maybe you would give him wild flowers again, maybe you would kiss his collarbone again.

Maybe he would feel you again.

But he was just a naive boy and you were just a dead girl and now he was haunted by memories of a girl who believed that all dreams had meanings and that kept him up at night.

“That’s such a silly dream.” he chuckled and swayed his head to move his locks away from his eyes. You laughed at him and tracked your fingers over his scar on his chest, your chest rapidly rising and falling as you laughed.

“You’re silly,” you said, moving your hand to his soft hair, twirling them between your tender fingers. His hands moved to your hip, pulling you closer to his chest under the duvet. “I’m silly?” He raised his eyebrow at you, immediately regretting that as a new wound stinked there. “Well, you say that.” you shrugged and placed a tiny kiss to the tip of his nose, giving him a little trade for the pain in his eyebrow. Remus smiled, his ears turning red just like everytime you kissed him.

“Come ‘ere.” you said and pulled you closer, his lips finally meeting yours.

Jesus Christ, I'm so blue all the time

And that's just how I feel

God, he wished he could come back to that morning and kiss you more and longer and hold you so tightly that you would become a one person.

Always have and I always will

I always have and always will

Is it ever gonna get better?

I have a friend I call

When I've bored myself to tears

And we talk until we think we might just kill ourselves

“…and do you remember when you didn’t see each other for weeks and then she ran to you, tripped over and literally splashed all over the pavement.” Sirius took the bottle of fire whiskey from a very drunk Remus, both of them were laughing so hard that they moved from the sofa to the wooden floor.

“Indeed, I do remember that, what a memory to cherish.” Remus was laughing, but his smile quickly faded away. Sirius noticed, he quickly swallowed the shot of fire whiskey and waited for his friend’s next move.

He knew better than to push, especially on Remus.

Remus played that memory of you and you falling over and over again in his head. How you were laughing at yourself and then crying in his arms because you missed him so much. And how he walked you to the emergency room because your palms were too bloody for his liking. And how he had to sit with you on the hospital bed because you were too scared to be on your own. And how he let you bite into his own palm to ease your fear and pain.

“Mate…” his voice broke at the end, tears swelled in his eyes trying not to break the barriers. “I can’t be here without her.” he whispered, too scared that if he spoke out loud that ghost of his could hear him and visit him again and stay for a longer time.

“No, don’t say that, please.” Sirius whispered, his face dropping down and tears bringing into his own eyes way too quickly.

“You don’t understand.” Remus’ face twisted in abnormal pain, in agony. “I miss her. I miss her so much that I can’t breathe.” he choked on a sob and Sirius crawled to him. Remus brought his knees to his chest and hid his face in them, uncontrollably bawling his eyes out and choking on sobs that left him.

“Hey, hey, Remus,” Sirius said, firmly. He pried Remus’ head from his knees and was met with a boy who was covered in tears and saliva, his lips trembling and he was sure that Remus doesn’t look like a mess for the first time.

“I don’t want to be here anymore without her. I miss her. So, so, so much.” Remus dug his nails into his trousers and his breath kept hitching. Almost like he was fighting with himself to keep breathing or give up.

“I just… my heart is aching and longing for her.” His tears ran down his face. “I miss her, I’m so hungry for her presence and now she’s gone and now I’m starving to death.”

Sirius only kept looking into his eyes, into his that looked like a flood in the forest. And that’s when he caught a glimpse of you, a tiny dancer in the reflection of his eyes.

“I miss my girl, I miss my lover so much that I would rather experience a full moon everyday if that meant that she would be back in my arms.” his breathing was heavy, every breath was hurting him, every breath was a suffering for him, every breath was just a ridicule that he was still alive.

Every breath he took reminded him of how long you were gone. How long he was there without you.

“What am I supposed to do without her? I just want to leave this world so I can hold my girl once again. I loved her more than anything.”

And that night Sirius didn’t leave his side. For the rest of the night none of them was talking. Sirius stayed by his side all night long, he knew that Remus was a man of his words and he didn’t want to lose another friend.

He knew that Remus would do it.

And he didn’t leave days after that. He shifted into Padfoot when he saw that Remus was too overwhelmed by another human being, he made sure that Remus ate. He also washed the vomit from the floor when Remus’ body screamed at him that it can't cry anymore.

And he also made sure that he, as himself, will neve get, even one centimeter, close to your side of the bed. Remus was letting that side ruffled, just like you left it. And Remus made sure that he never rolled over to your side. Sirius was sure that Remus was in a denial. Remus still naively believed that you would come back and scold him for not tidying the bed sheets or for not letting in the fresh air. But you never did.

And Sirius understood.

Although he wasn’t sure how long the denial stage was supposed to be, he understood.

Of course that Remus would be in denial for at least a little while, what about the plans you made?

But then we laugh until it disappears

There was no laughing after that.

For a very, very long time. Jokes just stopped being funny since he couldn’t share them with you.

Once upon a time you were his everything and he told you everything so what was the point of even… damn, what was the point of being if it was without you?

And last night I blacked out in my car

And I woke up in my childhood bed

It was a very hard and long night. He drove from London to Yorkshire. He drove the whole night. He needed to get away from the apartment.

He needed to get away from your ghost. He needed to get away From memories of you.

Everything was reminding him of you. The way your bed side was still ruffled. The way your makeup was still messed up in front of the mirror. The way your book was still broken open and waiting for you to continue reading another words.

The way the dust kept collecting and you weren’t still there. The way his memories became ghosts every night again and again and the way that every memory turned into the hour he had to identify your body on the iron cold table of the morgue.

The way he looked at you, your body, but he saw nothing.

It was you on the cold table, it was literally you. But… not you.

He needed to run away.

And that’s how he found himself in Yorkshire, on a drive in front of his parents’ house. In front of his childhood house. It was late at night and he couldn’t bring himself to do anything. So he just stayed there, sitting in the car until a darkness swallowed him whole.

And after that, he was the happiest person again. Suddenly he was back with you. He was back in that night where you both decided to do something sweet and silly again.

“Just… Just make sure you won’t have to bend for anything, princess.” he chuckled as he helped you to twirl in your silky dress. Your fingers held onto his as you turned around, looking at yourself in the mirror. You bursted into a giggle and faced him, your hands coming down to rest on his chest. “I look that much good?” You looked up at him and his rosy scarred cheeks. His hand wandered on your body, from your hip to your shoulder and then cupped your sweet cheek.

“Good?” He raised his eyebrow at you. He sat down on the bed behind his back with the help of his cane and his hands dropped back to your hips, pulling you closer a bit. “My pretty girl,” he whispered so quietly that you almost missed it. “You look absolutely ravish. I’m pretty sure that my heart stopped beating the first time I saw you in this dress.” he halfway joked and brought you into a warm smile again.

“My beautiful, beautiful Y/n/n.” he whispered and tucked his head into your stomach pudge, leaving a soft kiss there. “My beautiful, beautiful Remmy.” you repeated his words to him and buried your fingers into his hair, scratching his scalp as he hummed in comfort.

And he truly was pretty. The black suit with black shirt adored his lanky body. He looked beautiful in every suit, especially in his working ones. But they were all comfy and brown and warm colours, but this all black one? It was something new that you craved to explore.

He placed another kiss on your tummy, saying thank you in his own way.

“My beautiful, beautiful princess,” he looked up, something switched in his eyes, a smirk playing across his voice as he stood up with the support of your body and his lanky fingers wrapping around the head of his cane.

With a new cane. Sirius customised this one especially for him and this special occasion. Tall enough for his comfort, with the most black and elegant wood in wizarding and muggle world. A silver coloured wolf adored the front to match your dress. There was also a New Moon burned into the wood, portraying his favourite and the most safe phrase of the moon.

You knew what was up when he called you a princess. “Don’t bend in this pretty dress.” He looked down at you, holding your chin between his fingers as your eyes stayed on his. Mischievous sparkles flashing in your eyes as you bit your lip.

“Or what?” you pushed, raising your eyebrow at him and his stupid smirk. “Well,” he pretended to think. “Then you’ll make lots of people happy, but…” his hands roamed down your body, stopping at the flesh of your bottom. He squeezed your butt slightly, making you jump towards his chest once more.

“I’m just a selfish man and I want you to only make me happy tonight.” his voice faded into a whisper that was getting lost against your coloured lips. He left the tiniest kiss on your lips. “Mhm, such a selfish man.” you chuckled and left a dark red kiss mark on his rosy cheeks.

“You’re so pretty, pretty boy.” you whispered and wrapped your arms around him.

Remus was truly the most adorable man. He wasn’t scared of getting blushed and taken aback by your flirty persona when he was supposed to be the one in a charge. He loved when you saw what impact you had on him. He loved when you knew how much lovesick he was for you.

Soft jazz playing through the big ball room, oh so softly that it almost made you fall asleep on Sirius’ shoulder. “Hey,” he poked your side and a sleepily grumbled. Sirius chuckled, swallowed down his champagne and it tickled in your throat. “Don’t sleep on me like that.” He nudged your side with his elbow and you rolled your eyes. “You’re irreplaceably chatty today.” you sarcastically pointed out, your eyes wandering around the room, around all those people who were dressed in the most prettiest dress.

“Well so are you, sleeping lady.” Sirius chuckled. Your smile made its own way to your pretty face, sleep quickly disappeared from your hazy mind.

“Did you see Remmy somewhere?” You asked Sirius, stepping from one foot to another as your eyes scanned the room. “Well,” Sirius poured himself another glass of champagne. “If I were you, I definitely wouldn’t be looking towards a bar where Remus is with Dorcas.” Sirius was a bit suspicious that this might be some power imbalance game tonight, and your vicious grin only confirmed that.

You looked in that direction and saw your handsome Remus with breathtaking Dorcas.

Remus was probably showing her his new cane because he was wiggling and turning it all around and Dorcas kept nodding her head in approval.

Her dark skin was covered in a golden gleam, matching those golden gems in her locks. She even used a gold lip gloss on her lips. She looked like a goddess.

Dorcas was always gorgeous, always pretty and… breathtaking. And you made sure that she always knew about it. You always made sure that your friends knew about how pretty they were.

Dorcas’ eyes locked with yours and she sent you the brightness smile and wave and you paid her back with the same.

Then your eyes locked with Remus’, an amused smirk played on his face and you knew. “Siri,” you placed your hand on his shoulder and moved your body in front of him. Sirius kept his eyes on you, carefully. He raised his eyebrow at you, daring you to continue. “Do you want to be my partner in crime?” you asked him, your eyes still locked with Remus who was turning his gaze back at you every other second.

“I thought that I already am.” he scoffed, sounding a bit offended and to add to it, he even pouted at you.

You giggled and placed your hand on his bicep, squeezing the flesh underneath your palm a bit. “Is that a yes?”

“Definitely yes.” A devilish smirk spread over his face.

“Drop your hanky.” you nodded towards his breast pocket square. Sirius without a blink took his tissue, looking straight forward to Remus, making sure that he was watching both of you.

Sirius held the tissue right in front of him, his eyes burning into Remus.

You turned around once more to tease Remus Lupin with your eyes once more.

Then both of you had Remus’ full attention, his hazel warm eyes carefully observing both of you. Remus wasn’t dumb, he knew exactly what you both were up to. Sirius blew him a light kiss, earning an eye roll from the lanky boy.

He took a deep breath in, giving an amused smile as he gave you ‘Go ahead, princess, see what happens.’ look from across the room full of people.

And you nodded toward Sirius and he, without even a single blink and dropped his tissue on the marble floor. His fingers curled around your forearm, supporting you so you wouldn’t fall down.

You bend down way more than was necessary. And the fact that it was a sleek dress, green sleek dress, Remus’ favourite colour and Remus’ favourite butt, wasn’t really helping.

Remus choked on his saliva and started coughing, making Dorcas worry. Apparently your bum looked way better under this fancy lighting in this fancy large room.

Dorcas wanted to pat his back but then she noticed his gaze and understood. With a small giggle leaving her throat she sipped on her cocktail, admiring the same view as Remus’ had, respectfully.

“You’re in big trouble, young lady.” Sirius remarked as you raised yourself, your second hand sliding down over your back to the curve of your bum. “Definitely worthy.” you hummed and turned around, just to be met with Remus who was almost sprinting to you.

“Whops, a big scary wolf is about to eat you.”

Sirius sassed.

“Well, I hope so.”

“Merlin, Y/n!” Sirius gasped when he realised what you meant by that.

“A big trouble?” You laughed against his lips as he fell into a bed with him above you. “Mhm,” Remus hummed, his lips ghosting over your neck and his hot breath ghosting over your skin, giving you soft goosebumps.

“A big, big, big trouble for a little princess.” He raised his eyes to stare into your eyes but he couldn’t help but hurt into a laugh with you. His hand found yours and he intertwined his long fingers with yours, locking them firmly in place.

His laughter reasoned through his chest and his head fell onto your naked breasts, his loosen curls were soft on your skin and you brought your hand to brush through them.

“What are you going to do with me then?” You tugged on his hair and raised his head closer to you. He went with your tug, until his lips ghosted above yours. Oh so close, yet so far.

You could feel the softness of his lips on yours. How they were there for a second and then gone.

And it felt so twisted because everytime he closed his eyes, you were there with him and everytime he opened them, you were gone.

“I’m goin’ to make remember that you belong to me,” he breathed out against your lips. He connected your lips with yours. Kissing you all over your lip. Kissing you hungrily, kissing you passionately and kissing you desperately. “Only to me.” He brought your hands above your head and pinned them into the soft pillow. His clothed crotch started to slowly rocking into your core that was covered with your underwear, sending electrical shivers through your veins. “And I belong to you.”

Before anything could be heated, his eyes flew open. Heart picking up its heartbeat like he just ran a marathon. There was also a dull pain in his head. More likely in his brain like if memories were trying to jump from his brain to set him free from the endless spiral of remembering you.

“Remmy?” some woman’s voice called. There was a very thick Welsh accent in her gentle, caring and quiet voice.

He knew this voice, that was the voice who sang to him every time he was struggling with himself, every time his body was too weak to carry itself after a Full Moon since he was a kid.

“Mam?” He called out, very confused and as if this wasn’t true and he was just becoming a truly loony Lupin.

“Hi there, lovebug.” Hope carefully leaned against the doorframe as she was observing over her son who looked devastated. Hair messy, aggressive eye bags under his pretty eyes and his face looked like a crumpled paper. There was even a spit drooling from his mouth. She was pretty sure that this was the closest she saw him that devastated after his attack when he was just a kid.

Hope carefully creeped closer and closer, so carefully that you could hear a pin drop. She sat next to him on the bed. On the same bed sheets which you were tucked in once. After you left, she knew better than to change them.

“It still smells like her,” Remus whispered like he knew what his mother thought about. He grasped on the flowery duvet that you once gifted him. His breathing became shallow, the crippling agony running over his body once again. Memories crossing his mind again and realising hitting him like it’s the first time he saw your lifeless body.

“It still smells- smells like her,” A hiccup escaped him as he choked on a sob and on the painful lump inside his throat. “but she’s-she’s gone.” He cried out and Hope didn’t wait for anything and hugged his son, pulling him closer to her until she felt like she could protect him again.

But everything was just a naive feeling because she was never able to protect him, only to be there for him. And sometimes that’s enough.

Remus uncontrollably wailed into her shoulder, his whole body heavy with tears and grief.

He wished he could stop this pain, this feeling that was surrounding him. This feeling that felt like a wild water swallowing him whole, like the bottom of the ocean was calling for him. He felt like he was paralysed in this endless loop of agony.

If Remus was able to feel, he would feel his father's strong arms wrapping around his back and reassuring him. But the agony was stronger than his parents and all he was able to do was to cry until he passed out in his parents’ arms.

Wishin' I was someone else, feelin' sorry for myself

When I remembered someone's kid is dead

Remus shifted in his seat. The armchair was way too uncomfortable, the air felt too heavy and his jumper felt too itchy.

Remus’ chest felt too heavy, maybe like there was a heavy stone on him. He wished he could tell you about it so you would rub slow circles over his chest and place a soft kiss while you would silently ask “Better, darling?”.

He wished he was gone. Maybe someone else too so he wouldn’t have to sit there. Maybe someone who lived in Scotland took care of the lighthouse and baked cinnamon rolls just for their pleasure.

But unfortunately this wasn’t happening. There was still a heavy stone on his chest and instead of looking at you he had to look at your parents.

Your father was looking somewhere on the carpet, hands clasped together and his face was washed with… guilt. Remus swore that this man aged 20 years in 2 weeks.

Deep dark eye bags under his empty eyes, wrinkles all over his face more than usually. Remus' stomach twisted in negative emotions that he wasn’t able to describe. He felt he was going to throw up, cry, scream or maybe even faint.

“Carry to help me with tea, Remus?” Your mother asked as she sensed the tense in the air. Remus quickly stood up, accidentally bumping into the coffee table. Your father didn’t even say anything to that like he always used to.

Remus quickly disappeared in the kitchen with your mother. He leaned against the kitchen counter and nervously played with his thumbs. He felt he should have said something. Maybe ask how they were doing but he felt he was going to know the answer.

Hell, how are the dead child’s parents doing?

Remus felt stupid. You were his girlfriend but hell… you were their child. Someone they created, someone they watched grow. Someone who they held when she had smallpox. Someone who they taught how to walk, talk, write, listen… how to be kind.

Remus eyed the photos of you on the wall in front of him. Watching you from kid to adult. Watching how small tiny little Y/n/n sat in the sink because the bathtub broke and she ate soap foam.

He knew the story because you told him that when you bathed Padfoot because his dog form needed it. He took a picture of you two and now it was on his own wall in the kitchen.

Remus suddenly felt like he meant nothing to you because he wasn’t that long in your life and he felt like he gave you nothing.

“Are you alright?” Your mother turned to face him. “You look like you just saw a ghost.”

Something like that, very close.

“Just feel a bit nauseous.” Remus admitted with a polite smile. Your mother smiled back. “So a black tea for you then.” she said and Remus nodded his head in agreement.

Fuck, this shit was so fucked up.

Jesus Christ, I'm so blue all the time

And that's just how I feel

Remus stayed in denial. I don’t think he ever left the denial or that he ever will. Being stuck in denial was the only opportunity to picture you. To see you. To talk to you.

Being in denial gave him the hope that maybe he’ll see you in his dreams. Will you be a ghost under the white sheet again? Will you be in his arms? Will all those heartwarming memories play again in his head?

He never knew, and the lust for knowing that and wanting to see you was the only thing that kept him alive.

Always have and I always will

I always have and always will

It’s been months since you died and he still didn’t make your side of the bed. The makeup kept being messed up in front of the mirror. The book was still laid on your nightstand table.

Sirius kept watching over him. He kept daily visiting his apartment. Sirius proved that he in reality is loyal as a dog.

He swept the floor, washed the dishes and even learned how to cook just for Remus. The food always ended up untouched until Sirius fed him like a toddler. He never dared to clean your things from the last day you were alive, he never dared to walk over your side of the bed.

“C’mon big boy, it's time to take a bath.” Sirius urged as he grabbed Remus like he weighed nothing from his bed. Remus only groaned and let his body sway.

Sirius carefully untangled knots in Remus’ suddenly longer hair. He even brought some of his products.

“Can you,” Remus spoke for the first time in a few days. “Yeah?” Sirius hummed. “Can you please use that when you wash my hair?” He asked and pointed at your shampoo and conditioner. Sirius felt the sadness washing over him. “Yeah, of course we can.” he agreed afterall. “We can use more of that stuff if you want.” He carefully talked on that topic. Suddenly it wasn’t your stuff but it was that stuff. Remus felt like if he ever pronounced your name again, he would break down.

He knew that he would be able to tell your name again one day. But not today.

Sirius washed Remus’ hair with your shampoo and conditioner. He used one of your hair masks too. Then Remus sat dressed in your bathrobe in front of the big mirror as Sirius did his skincare with your products. He trimmed his eyebrows while Remus kept threatening him with “Ow, stop that you, twat!” and Sirius kept laughing.

When he plucked one of his long hairs, Remus firmly grasped his wrist. “I’m not being funny, stop with that.”

“Yeah right.” Sirius laughed and plucked that hair out, enjoying Remus’ painfully twisted face.

Sirius didn’t say anything about it that day but he was really happy that he made Remus smile. Just for a bit. It was really pleasant to hear that boy laugh again.

And it's 4 AM again

And Remus felt he was going to become some crazy person. Like he was going to lose his mind. He felt like he was in some sick nightmare.

Writing another funeral speech?

He was losing his mind.

And I'm doin' nothing

Again

Remus was stuck in denial for almost five years. He never stopped imagining you or talking to you. After five years he took polaroid pictures of your toilet table and of your messy makeup accessories. He took a picture of your book that was cracked open in the armchair. He took a picture of everything that you left behind.

He carefully took everything in his hands, scared that it all might turn into dust and placed everything into a paper box. He will get you a proper box soon. Maybe some wooden one with pretty satin fabric in it. But for now, he kept safe and close to him.

Your father died four months after you.

Police inspectors said that it was a car accident but Remus and your mother knew better.

No one was blaming him. They both wanted to do the same and both of them hugged each other with “Hope that he’s saying our hellos to her up there.”

Your mother sold that house where you grew up and moved closer to the Aegean sea. The sun really helped her with her grieving and the people and cats she met in Greece too.

She kept in touch with Marauders for the rest of her life and Harry never called her by a different name than “Sea granma.” always missing the d letter.

Yet, her heart still ached when she saw Remus wandering around her house and stopping to look at the pictures of you and your father.

But that was okay, sometimes time wasn’t the only one who was cruel, sometimes life was cruel too and all what they had to do was to accept it.

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