#recognizing i'd likely never write them in a way that lives up to my imagination | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

megistusdiary · 2 months

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hiii! can i be 🕊️ anon? anyway,, what about s/o!fem!reader x s/o!arlecchino short fic w/ reader being able to play an instrument, possibly the piano or a guitar. and then one day, arle comes home after a long day of work to find reader playing (instrument) in their shared bedroom, and arle just stands there and watches them and then when reader is done, they turn around to find arle smiling (mischievously) and melts, super embarrassed idk im having brainrot 😭 i NEED more arlecchino content. ive already read everything i found

hi, omg. yes ofc you can be 🕊 anon!! welcome to my blog ✨️

that's such a cute concept. personally, i'd like to believe arlecchino can play the violin or piano too, so imagine a future duet 🤭

imagine living together in arle's fancy home, and it's her piano in your shared room, and then she finds you playing, which makes it extra special, right?? 😁

also, girl, i HEAR you. literally only came back to writing because there was a serious lack of content for all the pretty women. someone's gotta do it 🫡 i hope this is alright for you

arlecchino x fem!pianist ⋆.࿔*

contents: fluff, wlw pairing, reader plays piano

arlecchino walked into the door with a million problems on her mind, as per usual. she was silent as she tossed her jacket onto a nearby chair, rolling her sore shoulders and neck, eyebrows still furrowed from frustration.

her thoughts were as tense as her muscles, only to relax involuntarily when she heard soft music coming from the bedroom.

she took careful steps, minimizing the click of her heels on the tile towards the beautiful music. she instantly recognized the piece being played; one of her personal favorites that she had memorized the sheet music for entirely.

the bedroom door was already open partially, allowing music to flood out into the hallway. she slowly pushed the door further open, completely silent as she leaned against the doorframe.

her eyes fell upon you at her grand piano, a rather expensive and elegant model. arlecchino often played in the evenings for you or vice versa, though she had never heard you play when you assumed you were alone.

the stress from her day's work slowly melted from her face with each press of the keys from your fingers. she admired how elegant you looked at this moment, how you seemed to be completely pulled into the music, so focused you hadn't yet recognized her presence.

the corners of her lips quirked up as you neared the end of the song, the part you knew was her favorite. subconsciously, you drew it out longer, causing her heart to swell within her chest.

once the song was over, the minute you turned around, you let out a soft gasp, nearly falling off the piano bench. "you scared me! how long were you there?" your voice was rushed, embarrassment clear on your face.

her arms were folded over her chest, a slight smirk on her lips. "nice to see you too. you play beautifully." she walks over to you, leaning down over where you sat.

the way you looked up at her so sweetly had her melting, tilting your chin up to kiss your forehead. "did you mean to draw that last part out, or did you forget how the song ends?" she teased as she leaned back up.

she relished in the way you turned away, ears heating up as you stood up from the bench. "ah, forget it! i'm all done! the piano is yours!" you huffed, stomping away, leaving her to chuckle dryly at your retreating form.

#🕊─ 𝘢𝘯𝘰𝘯 ੈ♡˳#genshin impact #genshin impact x reader #genshin x reader #fem reader #genshin x female reader #arlecchino x you #arlecchino x reader #genshin fluff #genshin fanfic #✎─𝘥𝘪𝘢𝘳𝘺 𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘴 ❛ ༉‧₊˚#💌─𝘢𝘳𝘪𝘴 𝘩𝘢𝘴 𝘮𝘢𝘪𝘭! ༊*·˚

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xmissrogersx · 2 months

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“Love Story” | Din Djarin

tags | din djarin x female reader. Fluff. Commander brown eyes. Rescue grogu.

a note from me | this scene lives in my mind 24/7

My writing is entirely my own. Any adaptation and/or copy is forbidden.

I hope you are enjoying my stories! U help me a lot if you give me a ♡! All the love.

-Taking it off is better.

I closed my eyes mentally counting to 10 and praying Din wouldn't kill Mayfeld.

-Concentrate on the road, will you? —I exclaimed for him to finish at once, he nodded in surprise at my outburst and didn't utter another word.

I felt a caress on my hand from the Mandalorian thanking me for what I had said.

We made it to the base successfully despite the disturbances on the way. We were greeted with applause and praise, which delighted Mayfeld, as Din held me by my waist to help me down.

-I still can't believe you're wearing that. I never imagined I'd say this but I miss the beskar on you, but I'll always prefer what's underneath —I whispered, to which he intensified his grip.

-Don't test me, mesh'la.

I laughed softly and we headed for the terminal.

-There must be one in the mess hall.

The convict headed for the room, only to stop dead in his tracks and come back to us.

-I can't do it —he said, slightly frightened.

-Why not? —Din exclaimed.

-It's Valin Hess, my old boss. I was doing field work, but I won't risk him recognizing me. The operation is cancelled.

-If you don't do it, she and I will lose the child forever...

-I'm sorry, I'm not going to do it.

-Give him to me.

-You can't. The network is enabled with facial recognition. Let's go.

-I'll do it —I exclaimed grabbing the device, to which it was quickly snatched away from me by a pair of gloved hands I knew.

-No, I will do it. I won't let you do this.

-At least let me cover for you —I said, begging him. He nodded unconvinced.

We entered the room at a distance. I kept in the spotlight at the entrance, trying to glimpse possible exits in case I needed them. I just wanted to get out of there and rescue my little Grogu.

But suddenly the sounds of the world had gone silent and I felt myself holding my breath in my chest: I watched as my Mandalorian removed his helmet quickly, to use the facial scan on the terminal.

Of course Din Djarin would have brown curls. I knew from the countless number of times I had felt them, even without seeing him to maintain the safety of his creed, I knew he had beautiful hair.

-Trooper —I heard from the side, making me jump in fear. It was Valin, who was approaching me.-Tell me your designation.

-Transport —said Din in his unmodulated voice.

-And your TK number?

-Number TK-593, sir. It's my commander —said Mayfeld. -You'll have to talk to him a little louder, his ship lost pressure at Taanab.

-What's your name, officer? -he exclaimed, raising his voice.

-We call you Commander Brown Eyes, don't we? -to which the three of us nodded.

He turned to me, and smiled in a way that sent shivers down my spine.

-What's yours, beautiful? -I mentally counted to a million so as not to wipe the smile off his face. I quickly thought of the scent of my favorite perfume, so I took the easy way out.

-Yasmin, sir. I really like the uniforms —I batted my eyelashes, hoping he'd buy it. The idiot smiled again.

-Let's have a drink, brown eyes —he walked to the table next to Mayfeld, to which we followed behind them. I felt Din put his hand on my lower back, reassuring me.

-I'm going to get something real to celebrate his triumph —he walked away from the table.

I looked to my left and crossed eyes with Din, who looked really paralyzed. According to him, the world was watching his face, but especially one of the 2 people that made up his was doing it. I caressed his hand, for even though he was wearing the glove I wanted to convey the love I had.

-You are very beautiful, Din Djarin. I always knew you were, but most of all I admire how brave you are —I said so that only he could hear me.

-You give me that courage, cyar'ika. I'm sorry to put you through this.

-Why do you say that? —I frowned.

-I didn't promise you this, to be on the edge of danger all the time, it's my fault that the child…

-Sh, don't say that —I put my hand on his lips, to which he closed his eyes wanting to absorb my touch.-You saved me, Din. Running away from that hell was the best decision I made so far. Rather, that you will rescue me. My brave and strong Mandalorian.

He laughed softly at the nickname I used to call him. Unfortunately the moment was interrupted by the sound of Valin's footsteps approaching.

-Very well, now tell me, what shall we drink to? to the empire? Cheers, success? I don't want to sound original —he exclaimed, laughing.-Where are you from, brown eyes?

Din looked at him not knowing what to answer.

-How about Operation Ash? -said Mayfeld, returning to Hess' focus.

The next few minutes I felt like my heart was going to pound out of my chest. Mayfeld began to cross words with Valin, disturbing the atmosphere.

-It was for the common good, son.

Suddenly, he raised his glass in a toast, to which our colleague shot him with his blaster.

We looked at him speechless. He started shooting at the rest of the people in the room.

-You did what you had to do. I never saw your face —he extended the Trooper helmet to Din, who turned to me to put our foreheads together for a few seconds before covering his face.

Finally, after what was one of the most dangerous escapes we had ever experienced, we were on our way to rescue Grogu. As I watched the vastness of space through the small opening of Boba's ship, I felt arms around my waist, making me turn to face him.

-When this is over, we'll go to Sorgan and take a break. I promise, cyare.

-I go where you go, Din. Grogu,and all of us are my home.

-Us? -he asked confused. Dan Farrik, shit, I didn't measure the words I had said.

I closed my eyes briefly and looked up at his visor again.

-I'm sorry, I wanted to tell you this time, but everything happened so fast...

-Are you pregnant? —he exclaimed almost in a whisper. I nodded with small tears on my face.

Next, Din raised his hands to his helmet to remove it. At the sight of his beautiful face, along with his crystallized brown orbs, my cheeks instantly became soaked.

He rested his gloved hand on my slightly bulging belly, which he had concealed. He knelt down to my knees, placing a kiss on it.

A clan of four.

#pedro fanfic #pedro pascal #pedro x reader #din djarin x female reader #din djarin fanfiction #din x reader #din djarin #mando x reader #din djarin x reader #din djarin x female oc #the mandalorian #din djarin fic #din djarin fluff #pedro is daddy #pedrostories #pedro pascal fanfiction #din djarin x original female character #the mandalorian x reader #din grogu

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stacywaters · 10 months

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Purple Ink (RM)

[Words in bold are in Korean]

I begin another doodle on my arm. It's nearly filled now with sketches from my ballpoint pen.

"Seriously, I can't believe your soulmate's never asked you to stop. Your drawings are everywhere at this point" my friend Stacy laughs.

I finish up the rose I'm drawing, "I'm sure they love my drawings. They've told me themself."

Stacy sighs, "I wish my soulmate talked to me more.. do you think I'll ever find them?"

"Easy. Just write your name really big on your forehead, they won't miss you."

"That is FAR from a solution, Y/N."

I laugh and look back down at my arm. A small heart appears next to the flower.

----

A Weverse notification interrupts my thoughts as I walk through the door. "RM started a Live" I open the live.

Namjoon and Hoseok are painting. I giggle as Namjoon spills some ink on his arm. Shutting my phone off, I go to take care of the pile of dishes in the sink.

As I pull my sleeves up, I notice a splatter over my wrist.

"What the.."

I run over and grab my phone. Pulling up the app again, I stiffen at the sight.

Namjoon's purple ink stain covers his wrist, a few splatters on his palm. Exactly like mine.

"No way... it can't be" I mumble.

Slowly, I grab a pen and write a small note on my arm by the splatter. Like clockwork, it shows up on his arm: "Namjoon?"

-----

The next few days, twitter had been blowing up about us.

"Namjoon's soulmate is an ARMY?"

"Guys! She knows! She found him!"

"Aww, that's sweet. Let's be happy for them."

"Wait, you mean they haven't met yet?"

I sigh, bringing my head to my hands.

"What do you want to do about it?" Stacy asks.

"I don't know.. I'm happy but I'm sad and I just don't know what to do. I'm surprised that he's someone I've admired for so long, but I feel dumb for not ever noticing. And I never imagined meeting my soulmate would be like... this. What if ARMY hates me? I don't want to cause him trouble. What if-"

"Relax, girl. I've only seen supportive comments so far. Everyone knows that you can't control soulmates, I'm sure it'll be fine."

"Yeah, I just, i dunno." I slump down in my chair, "it's not like I'll ever get to meet him anyways. It's a lost cause."

"Hey! Chill out. What you need to do is give him a way to find you."

"Such as?" I grumble.

"Such as posting your art online. I've been telling you forever, your creations are too good to keep to yourself! And if you post them, soon enough either he'll find you or ARMY will"

"That's... that's not a bad idea."

And that's how you got here. You'd been posting for two weeks now, but only had about 12 followers.

"Trust the process! He'll find you. It takes time to build an account." Stacy assured you.

"I just feel like the art should be for me, not a faceless algorithm."

"I'm sure he'll find you. He sees your art every day."

"I hope so" I mutter.

-----

I scrolled on my phone half-awake. I couldn't fall asleep, so I decided to explore my feed on instagram. Suddenly, I received a like. And another like. And a follow. And soon enough, a message.

"Who..." I mumbled.

My eyes widened as I see the message they sent me. (Messages by them are in THIS COLOR, messages by you are in THIS COLOR :))

"I'd recognize your art anywhere"

I shiver at their words. Looking at their account, it doesn't help in figuring out who this is. A part of me carries a small hope. It must be Namjoon! He must have found me! But I don't want to get hurt.

"Who are you?"

"My name is Namjoon :) You draw on my arm all the time.."

No... no way. It can't be. What am I supposed to say to my soulmate? What if it's just Stacy pulling some sick prank on me?

"Hmm, prove it then."

Suddenly I feel a tingling sensation on my wrist as words begin to appear. 'Hello artist'. I quickly scratch out a message in our chat room.

"Oh my god, it's really you! I never thought I'd find you.."

"Well you did :) I love your drawings by the way. I'm a big fan."

"No, that's what I'M supposed to be saying. You're music is seriously amazing. I can't believe I get to be your soulmate.."

"You're so cute"

I blush. Not sure what to say, I wait for him to speak again.

"How long have you known?"

"That I'm your soulmate haha"

"Oh, uh, I was watching your live with j-hope"

"Ah, so when I spilled the paint on myself? That isn't very romantic..."

"Well, I'm glad you did regardless."

A question sits at the back of my throat. Suddenly my fingers begin to type it.

"How did you find me?"

He begins to type.

"It's actually kind of similar. I've been following you for a while now. I found your page maybe, two weeks ago? You didn't have too many posts up at the time but as you started posting more, I guess I just kinda realized one day. Like your drawings felt like home to me. And one day I was looking at your art on my Lock Screen, and then down at my arm, and it just hit me. So I decided to message you haha"

"Dfbivaldhflvahf ok wait you made my art your Lock Screen?"

"Shoot. Shouldn't have sent that part"

I giggle.

"Um, I guess where do you live?"

"No no not like that-"

"I feel like I'm messing this whole soulmates thing up already??"

"Like do you also live in Korea or..?"

"Ah, no.. sorry. I live in (INSERT COUNTRY NAME)"

"Don't be sorry! Y'know.. we're actually going to be doing a comeback soon with a tour :D"

"I'll talk and see if we can go there!"

————

I shiver in the cold hallway. He told me to meet him here, is he still coming? Maybe I should leave.. NO! That's silly. He's coming, Y/N. Just be patient.

Suddenly I hear sneakers squeak against the tile. Turning to my left, I notice him. Him. The boy I've been messaging for 7 months now. The one I've been waiting to meet. The one I love.

His dark hair bounces as he runs, star-like shimmers glimmering in his eyes. He slides in front of me, skidding a bit on the slick floor.

"It's you, you're here, I" He pants.

"Hi Namjoon" I smile.

Suddenly my head goes blank. All those months of texting, and I have nothing to say.

"Erm, good luck with the concert."

He checks his watch, "Oh, right, haha. I was so excited to meet you that I forgot about the concert."

"Hey! ARMYs paid good money to be here tonight. Don't forget about them because of me"

He smiles and pulls me into a hug. We swing from left to right as we talk. After around 15 minutes, a staff member informs us that we have to go for him to perform.

Once he leaves I sink down to the floor, clutching my phone to me. I daydream about reality, the moments only seconds ago that somehow already feel so distant. Wonder when I'll see him again. Wonder if it'll be soon.

"I can't believe she's his soulmate"

"I know, right? I mean, is the universe sure that they're destined?"

Laughter from the two staff members pulls me out of my lovely daze. Why are they so rude? What did I do? Do they assume I don't know Korean just because we spoke in English?

A third girl working there spoke up, "C'mon guys, let's not be so mean. We don't even know her yet!"

"Yeah, but like, have you seen her?" The previous staff questions.

"Yeah, what about her?"

"She's just... not what I thought she'd look like."

"She could be listening now," the third girl said, "I think she seems perfectly nice. You should give her a chance."

Without another word she walks out of the room and into the hallway, where I was listening. I look up to her from the floor, my eyes glistening with tears.

"Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry! You must have heard them. They're like that to everyone, don't worry."

I nod and turn away, "Yeah no, it's just... old insecurities coming back"

"Well don't let them," she smiles, "I, along with I'm sure Namjoon, think you're gorgeous."

I laugh, "Thank you. You are too"

"I have to be! It's hard keeping up with my worldwide handsome boyfriend" She jokes.

"Wait, are you?"

"Minji, Kim Seokjin's soulmate" She grins.

We talk together while we watch the concert from the waiting room. Apparently she's been with the boys for 2 years, which is a little intimidating. Am I going to have to meet them later? What if-

"Everything alright?" Minji asks.

"y-yeah!" I nod.

"Don't worry, you'll be okay"

I turn to her. Did she know? Suddenly, Namjoon and the rest of the members pour into the room.

He pulls me into a hug, "How did we do, baby?"

I blush at the nickname, mumbling, "You guys were amazing"

"Were you nice to Y/N?" Seokjin asks Minji.

She sighs, "yes, but Ari and Chaeyeong said stuff about her"

"What did they say?" Namjoon yells.

"They were just being rude. Talking about what she looks like and if she's good enough for you, and...y'know"

Unknowingly, I had begun to tug harder at Namjoon's shirt while tears threatened to form. He pulls his arms tighter around me, "Hey, hey, it's okay. You're perfect. Don't listen to them, Minji's right. They're always like this. We are all here for you, we love you. None of the things you're insecure about mean anything to me. To me, you are perfect."

"I-I.." He pulls away to look at my face.

"You're crying but you're smiling.. I don't understand"

"They're happy tears" I grinned, "Because, I can't believe the universe thought to give me the luck that is you."

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dreamysekai · 1 year

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Hello!!! I had an idea that popped into my head, but it’s kinda angsty.

So how about Akito and Rui with their younger sibling!reader shouting something like: “I wish [name] was my brother and not you!”, but immediately regretting it and trying to apologise. (The [name] could be Tsukasa for Rui and Toya for Akito, but that’s just a suggestion)

A/N: YOU ARE REAL FOR THIS (it's me i'm a younger sibling!!) anyway yes i imagine this will be fun to write >:)

---

something something sibling fights, the kids are lowkey mean sometimes, angst, it gets resolved at the end, younger sibling!reader, neutral reader

warnings: relative getting upset/angry at you, it's short-lived and resolved but still present

! HEADCANON !

AKITO

You two had been bickering for quite some time

Nothing out of the usual in this house, honestly speaking

But this one was getting fairly heated

It started small- you'd figured Ena had taken your leftovers, something she was notorious for, but finding Akito eating them casually just caused something to spill over

The fight had escalated beyond the trivial slight, of course

Akito, defensive as always when it came to his siblings

"Y'know, I wish I had someone who'd get off my back every now and then!"

He was definitely getting more heated than anticipated

The exchanges increased in extremity, until it came to a head when your older brother finally snapped

"Y'know what, I wish Toya were my brother instead of you!"

The silence that followed was thick in the air as the both of you faced off, eerie silence following the noise you two were making just moments before

It wasn't until Akito tried to say something that you turned and ran to your room, slamming the door and collapsing to your bed before giving him a chance to explain himself

The thought that Akito had some other type of stress going on in his life briefly crossed your mind, but you couldn't bring yourself to care right now

'Why would someone say that to their own sibling?'

A little over an hour passes while you cool off

You decide to get up despite your exhaustion from the events from earlier

You weren't sure how to go about talking to Akito past this point, but you did know that you were feeling something from the kitchen

Maybe water

That would help

As you open your door, though, you notice something on the floor

Your favorite dessert from your favorite bakery, with a note on the plate

You gently pick it up, recognizing your brother's handwriting almost immediately

It was an apology, in the most 'Akito' way of apologizing ever

"Hey. I didn't mean what I said. It came out wrong, but that doesn't make it right. So I'm sorry. I'd never want to replace you, even if you get on my nerves sometimes. You deserve better than what I gave you, so I hope this earns me some points back. We'll talk more when I get home, if you want. -Akito"

It was short, simple, straight to the point, yet it oozed of genuinity

Maybe you'd take him up on that talking offer, you decided, walking to store the dessert he gifted you away so you two could instead share it together later tonight

---

RUI

It was a normal day

Calm and quiet, per usual

The two of you were in Rui's workshop, you handing him tools and holding up a light as he requested it

You has fallen into a rhythm, zoning out slightly from the mediocrity of the task

Until he asked you for something and you slipped up, accidentally handing him the wrong tool

He used it without thinking, something within the machine crunching harshly as he turned

Rui froze at the sound, staring at the spot he had just broken

You froze, too, but you were watching him instead

He gently placed the tool at the ground, his eyes glued to his robot

And quietly, with frustration and disappointment clear in his voice,

"I wish Nene was my sibling instead of you."

He immediately looked up to you after he spoke, panic clear in his eyes

"No, wait, I didn't mean that-"

But you were already burned by his remark, meeting his gaze as he fell quiet

You turned and ran to your room, hearing Rui call for you once again

You ignored him, shutting your door and sitting on your bed while you tried to calm the stinging pain in your heart from the comment

After a while of sitting on your feelings about it, you could hear faint sounds coming from Rui's workshop

'He's probably fixing whatever it was,' you figured.

As more minutes passed, you finally got up

Because, who would say that to their sibling? Over something so small?

It wasn't like Rui couldn't fix it, or that his machines haven't been through worse

You were going to confront him, tell him that big brothers don't say those things even if they "didn't mean them"

Until you opened your door, meeting a shocked Rui on the other side with his hand up to knock

He was holding something behind his back, and you both stood in an awkward silence

Until Rui broke it

"I would like to apologize for what I said. I was simply... frustrated with what had happened. It was my fault for not looking, not yours for handing me the wrong thing. You're less experienced with this than I am, and I hope you don't want to stop being my lab partner over this. I said it in the moment, it wasn't my true thoughts. Please forgive me."

And from behind his back, he pulled out a small robot of your favorite animal in your favorite colors

It whirred to life, and he carefully handed it to you

As it moved in your hand, you couldn't help a smile

"As long as you don't do it again... I'll forgive you, just this once, okay?"

"But of course. Care to help me with a new project?"

"Absolutely."

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himbo-klown · 2 months

Text

Satisfaction

Warning not prof read, grammar mistakes(naw like i suck at writing lmao), this post is just for fun, i also dont know how to use tumbler so like… this kinda looks ugly lol

Theme warnings!! This post does contain themes of mental illness, cannibalism used as a metaphor for love , violence, disruption of a grave, the main character is not a good person but hes not like… a monster??!. (If yall think i need to add other things then just say so pls!!) THE MAIN CHARACTERS CRINGE PLEASE!!!

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

Little bit of context: This story is a submission for a creative writing contest! The theme was Taboo romance and I decided that a horror/thriller would be fun! If you know me irl or recognize this… no you don’t lmao?!?

This story is based off of the intense feelings that i have for my partner that i feel i’m not able to properly explain at times(im in therapy do guys lols) there’s also some refs to things we like lol

October 26th, 2023

It was never hard to tell that I was different from the other boys in school, or anybody for that matter. I was the kid girls would say ‘My homeboy wants you’ to or the kinda guy that was asked out as a joke, it got old after 5th grade but never stopped. Senior year was by far the worst one of them all, his name was Keith, and he wasn’t super pretty or anything like that, he was a nerd who would walk me to my bus stop and ramble on and on about how different Pokémon gods symbolized different things. I honestly liked him and he was cute, but i more than liked him, i wanted him all to myself, i still have a few of his leg hairs lying around; i like to sniff them to try and imagine how he tastes slow cooked like oxtail.

December 15th, 2023

Nevermind he’s a weirdo and it turned out he liked Pokémon in unholy ways[someone check on his dog please], his meat was tainted so I lost interest in him. But my eyes didn't take long to wonder, there was a boy who was Canadian and he seemed rather nice, no he was beyond the kindness that any human should be able to give. He was like taking a bite of my first love [which i didn't know what it felt like, but i was guessing it was nice.] I loved talking to him honestly, he woke up around 8am and went to sleep at 12am but sometimes we went all night. I had no problem risking my sleep for him[it's not like my AP classes would be any better.] He was intoxicating, to say the least.

January 10th, 2024

I wanted him badly, like I wanted to wake up next to him, kiss him, hug him, I wanted to wine and dine him if I ever got the chance . The only problem was that well…he lived in Canada, he always talked of how he had mixed feelings about his country and I always told him that it could be worse. I mean he could be here for all he cares, but I'd never want my meat to be tainted by this land, these people[I'm such a proud American]. So I was going to go to him. I decided to save for the month. It was going to take a few overtime shifts and even snagging a couple of bucks from some buds but I was going to get the money and make it to canada.

February 10th, 2024

The plane ride was rather boring without being able to text him, and even more so because the woman next to me didn't know social etiquette, like I was supposed to care that she got unlucky with life and contracted chlamydia. There was also this brony, which I found a sin in itself, but he smelled… like bad but it also made me snicker because it just reminds me of keith.

February 11th, 2024 6:27pm

Canada was a beautiful place but I had no reason to stay and admire it when all I cared for was my own appetite. But i couldn't help but let childish implusies pull me into a store full of valentine's day sales, what caught my eyes are the matching trolls cups, i couldn't help but get them wanting to see the response he would give to the gift[I love my adult money privileges].

February 12th-15th[was… busy?]

I felt bad for him hes so nice and kind, so nice he just took me in without a second thought about how I found him or his home, we took a tour of his room and its nice it was just as nerdish as him, but i came here with a plan and i came here to execute it as such. His skin was nice, so I took some as my own and it hurt a lot. I think I splashed some blood on his favorite blanket, but anywho, why is the human skull so hard ? I thought it was gonna be like a nut and would just take a few hacks to crack it open but noooo he just had to be hard headed. I did get it open[almost breaking my wrist doing so] but I had no plans for a meal, I mean it's not every day you just cook up some brain, but we managed. I ended up using the brain for spaghetti; I mashed it all up to make meat balls and must I say they were delicious. His brain was so tender, it melted like butter, but it also had a slight chew to it, not a taint in sight. The ‘wine’ I had with it was a little thick but it was his so I drank without complaint. I was also quite proud of my cup purchase :D. Poppy was right… trolls do just wanna have fun

???, 2024 2:34 AM

My head hurt, like a lot, I thought eating my love would make me feel better and full. Yet here I stand before his grave, my arms barely mobile as I dug him out, freeing him from the pits of the afterlife without me. A month he left me alone, a month with this hunger for more of him. His stupid casket was the thing that stood between me and my love, my satisfaction of being full.

There he was, as beautiful as the day I feasted upon him. I took my shirt off to show him that I still kept a piece of him with me. I touched his skin on my chest as I looked at mine on his. Death would never do us part so long as he had me attached to him. I would go through the redemptions of purgatory to see him flutter in the clouds of heaven. It felt like a sin to touch him again, to feel him to embrace him as I laid to rest beside him. Fresh tears poured down my face as I pulled the cover over the casket. This time I am not left behind, this time I am not alone.

“W-why — Why has your body left me so full, so satisfied. Yet I am starved for your love to grace me again.” I murmured softly as I caressed his face.

——————————————————————————————————

I hope you guys liked this… cus um im super proud of it even if it didn’t win!!!

#cannibalistic #horror #tabooromance #creative writing #dont do this shit #i do not condone #pls be nice #idk how tags work

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baconcolacan · 1 year

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Having claimed that both tom and tord arent kin to spicy food, but would still eat it out of spite makes me imagine them getting into a competition with eachother, probably young and stupid, i wonder who'd be the first to give up

I was re-reading the small stay oneshot u wrote (where tord found tom sleeping in his office after overworking himself) and i couldn't help but question, at the moment where tord whined and i quote "my love i am so sorry for neglecting you!! please let me still call you my love" (While tom kept worrying over someone seeing them) how would paul and pat react, hearing their leader saying such things were they somehow still there, worse yet, what if they went to investigate?What would Tom do had he seen them via camera/VR?

Hey bud! Sorry I took a while to get to this but I'll answer them under the cut as some of the questions have fic spoilers ^^ Starting with the asks here Here we go!

Tord would be the first to give up. He grew up with a more salt-savory oriented palette while Tom at least had to try out a few spicy foods due to his mom being fond of them. So Tom doesn't like it out of experience and Tord doesn't like them for lack thereof.

IF Paul or Pat heard that they would DEFINITELY think that Tord was in some sort of secret relationship. Knowing protocol, they would try to get as far away as possible because its a safety measure, at this point Tord's paranoia would have rubbed off on them, so they would immediately go for plausible deniability. BUT if they only heard his distress and couldn't make out the exact words, therefore leading to them investigating. If Tom saw them approaching on the cams, he would immediately shut Tord up with a kiss, and use his momentary placation to say 'Sorry love' and kick him off him with all his strength. This would most likely lead to Tord getting thrown into a wall well before Paul or Pat gets to Tom's office. "Red Leader?! THOMPSON?! What the hell happened!!" "We got into a fight." "THIS EARLY?!" They leave it at that, albeit frustrated that the two of them had one of their daily squabbles at 2 in the morning.

Hilarson would probably try but he wouldn't have his resources or allies at that point. He would panic of course, as his charge had been taken to the very place they spent so much time and effort getting him away from. He'd probably find a way to get to him, maybe even meet with the Odense rebellion.

Hmmm, well, this wouldn't be realistic as why would they both be there? But I would assure you that they'd be a bit scared and panicked for Tom, both would probably try to stop him from hurting himself, but at this point, Tom would have been too out of his mind to recognize them, so it would end up really bloody for everyone.

The cancer thing actually didn't happen in Stay ^^ Tom loses his eyesight as a result of the bomb that caused Tord to also lose his arm. The explosion really fucked up all four of them, but Tord had thought that Edd had died, and so only saved Tom and Matt. Though, during Tom's recovery stages, Tord had cried his heart out asking for his forgiveness behind closed doors. He spent a lot of time in Tom's hospital room, just holding his hands.

This is a funny story actually. I was well into getting back into EW around this time, so it was occupying most of my thoughts. Then I had a, lets say, unfortunate maybe supernatural maybe might not be experience while I was away at college. My father used to say that our family was cursed, and that he brought it with him when he moved to where we live now, and that I had to always be careful because things liked to latch on to our clan. So anyway thats where the idea came from lmao, I was getting my monthly haunting and I just figured I'd write about a story like that for a fandom I liked.

Oh and AHAHHA NAWW THANK YOU, I dont get tired of hearing it, and while that sounds like a massive ego trip, I just really REALLY appreciate the kind words you all seem to never stop giving me ^^ Though dont idolize me too much lmao, Im really just a sleep deprived artist rotting in my work desk.

#asks #letmeaskdanielaquestion #regimen ao3 #regimen ao3 spoilers #ew Stay AU #church grim ao3

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collegecraze · 2 years

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Hi pretty! Can you share some tips on how to outline?

Hi! I can try my best. Please excuse me if I don't make any sense, haha.

Typically I like to start out with my premise, or my big idea. What is that idea that made me go "Ooh, I really need to make a story out of this!" It's important to recognize this as a premise and not your entire story. If you conflate the two, you may end up writing a story or VN without any real end in sight. If your goal is to have a completed work, make sure you take the time to develop your ideas beyond the premise. Example of a premise: "A drug dealer and a ballerina fall in love, but her family disapproves of the relationship."

Most premises can be followed up by the simple question "Okay, so then what happens?" This is what you should be working through in your outline to answer. But before that:

Extrapolate your premise into a plot.

I like to skip straight to the end, to ensure I have a goal post that's been set before I go through any other plot beats. So from my premise, I have an answer to that "So what next?" question.

Endpoint example: "The drug dealer becomes a ballet dancer and gets married to his ballerina love . They live in happy harmony." It's better to work in broad strokes at the start of outlining, because I've found its so much better to push through and not get hung up on making things perfect. This is what editing is for and you can't edit a story that doesn't even exist yet. You can't edit an empty page.

Major Plot beats

Once I have my premise and my endpoint, I'm able to think about major plot events that need to happen in between. These are points of no return and can often change the trajectory of a character's life or personailty. Depending on what you're writing there shouldn't be like, 20 of these. I'd imagine 3 or 4 BIG events should be enough. Write them down as simply as you can, one sentence max.

Big plot beats example: "Drug dealer meets Ballerina" "Drug dealer sacrifices something to spend more time with Ballerina." "Ballerina's family reports Drug dealer to the police." "Ballerina proves Drug dealer's innocence." I keep things big, vague and open-ended intentionally, because in the beginning of outlining, if you get caught up in details you will risk getting stuck way easier. Keep everything fluid. These major plot points all lead to the end goal I already established. All of the points above beg the question, "How?"

Flesh out your plot beats

This is the part that I think most people start at, which is immediately jumping into the how of major plot points. It doesn't really work for me, because it still feels a little too rigid at this point. Each of the plot points above now need to start tapping into any of the work you've done on characterization. Who are our characters? What's the setting like? The time period? Is this a sappy romance? Is it raunchy, fast-paced smut? All of these external considerations will help you further flesh out what leads up to and follows the points you established above. Lets say this is a sappy romance set in 90s NYC, and the drug dealer is a broken-hearted asshole who thinks love is a joke, while our ballerina is a naive, hopeless romantic. I might extrapolate the first plot point above this way: "Drug dealer meets Ballerina" - Drug dealer just got out of a rough relationship. - Ballerina runs into him while moving out, spots a cute teddybear that fell out of his move out box. -She attempts to return it, but he's mean and bitter towards her. Throw out any and all ideas here, nothing is too bad to write down, because you never know if its a stepping stone to another plot point. Maybe, since I know I need the Drug dealer to sacrifice something in the future, I can establish his attachment to something in this plot beat. Thoughts like this allow you to have a rough idea of where you are and where you need to go, so you can plant small seeds that can be super impactful later. Once you have a big list of points you can start to narrow things down, keeping everything still open to grow and move as you actually settle down to write. I'm a big fan of keeping things open and fluid, because writing does tend to take on its own life, but as long as you know how you want things to end, you should be on a good track! I hope this helps and sorry for the wall of text lol.

#ask pretty #writing advice

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awrldalone · 6 months

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22nd October 2023, 10.08pm

On the train, going back to Paris. On the 12th of October I wrote down:

"I think I will start writing in fragments. I always try to take some time to myself to quietly unravel my thoughts until my eyes start closing and sleep demands my full attention, but lately I have not been able to. I will cut out small moments of the day – so my words might come off as disjointed. I will cut out small moments of the day – so my words might come off as disjointed. Nevertheless, I will try to keep this diary unified."

And then I didn't. I seem to only be able to write in-between things, in a bubble. No one has placed the weight of responsibility on me besides myself, but I feel it I feel it I feel it, and doing anything besides what I am meant to unleashes my guilt, and my guilt eats up at my soul.

Then I wrote down:

"My eyes burn. I don't sleep enough, I never do. I have to wake up at six every day except Friday, and I don't get home until seven p.m. or later most days. I spend twelve hours outside at least, and then most days I leave again to go to the gym. Yesterday a man started talking to me on the street. I was walking home, listening to music and trying not to think. It must have been around eleven, and my feet were walking by themselves and I was not paying attention, caught up in my thoughts. I stopped at a red light, and a man stated talking. He was wearing headphones too so I ignored him, I figured he must have been talking to someone on the phone – but he was talking to me. I took out one headphone, then the other, and listened to him. He looked about thirty, with a beard and long dark hair in a bun. He was tall, which scared me. He said he sees me all the time, at the gym. He said he recognized me from one time I walked past him on the street, and another time that he saw me coming from the rotary. There was no one besides us, and he asked me for my instagram, which surprised me. I held his phone with a shaky hand as I typed in my username, but he must not have noticed. I said something about his keyboard being the French one, AZERTY, and we kept walking together and talking. He said we should workout together, or have a coffee sometime. We parted ways."

He still texts me. I reply dryly, cordially but without giving him a way to reply naturally. It usually work to deter undesired attention, but he keeps coming back. I still have to cross him again, though. Part of me is so scared he will make a scene, he will scream and yell and demand an explanation to my sporadic texting. If I can't even write regularly in my diary, how does he think I'd ever reply on time to him?

I also noted, on my phone:

"Here, the way people get rid of their furniture is quite interesting. They leave it on the street, in front of their house, with a piece of paper taped on it and a number. Chairs, sofas, mattresses, doorframes, mirrors, mostly ruined, stained, with the paint chipped off, take up some place of the sidewalk like an art installation, waiting for the recycling center to come pick them up. I think it is explicatory of the French impulse to reuse, repurpose. French people do not shy away from the used, they let clothes pass from hand to hand, letting objects breathe of new life with a new owner. I always wonder about those chairs, those chests of drawers. Where in the room did they fit? What other piece of furniture fill up the floor space? With what were they replaced? How were they ruined - who spilled the coffee on the upholstery? Was it a cat that ripped the fabric? I imagine these rooms, looking at the building behind the object, trying to get a glimpse of an apartment from the windows. Is that a Breuer chair, black and metallic? From my apartment I see two huge living rooms – but there's never anyone in them. Hardwood floors, one of them in a fishtail pattern. A soft sofa, all curves and pillows. Upholstered in flowers that look like dust. A fireplace, used long ago but rarely lit now. What does the furniture hear, every day?"

Can the people across the road see in my small room? Do they see me, before the sun comes up, walking to the shower? Am I a silhouette that comes home at night and turns on the lights, exhausted?

At the beginning of the year, my Droit Privé professor said something I think about often. He told us we have to organize our time properly, that we can do anything if we count the minutes. He said we can decided to live three days in the span of one, consecrating eight hours to sleep, eight hours to university – classes and studying – and eight hours of free time, to play sports, take care of ourselves, our body, to hang out with friends. I wonder what brings people to lie so blatantly. Had he just not said anything, no one would have felt the absence of his words. Everyone might have forgotten about it already, but his speech keeps bugging me. I need my days to be forty eight hours at least.

Last Thursday I spent less than an hour awake in my apartment. I woke up at six, and stayed in bed half asleep until six thirty, and then in thirty minutes I washed myself and dried my hair and let my coffee brew and dressed up. I wore a red sweater, soft and warm, and then I left before seven.

I came back home more than twelve hours later, and I changed into a silk draped neck-line top and a pair of black suit trousers just to throw on my black coat and leave again to catch a bus to the Panthéon. I might have been a bit overdresses for a conference, but lately I have realized that waiting to wear, to do, to use something is just a waste of time.

The conference was about future job prospects in the art world, but I found all three jobs represented to be so empty. I am terrified of leading an empty life. Perhaps it is the influence of puritanism in me, but jobs like marchand, a mere seller of paintings, fill me up with dread. He said his job consists of drinking coffee all day with his clients, and then at six p.m. he switches to champagne, because otherwise he gets grumpy. I felt my stomach turn.

The other man, a commissaire priseure, seemed much more hard working – but still, I went into the conference knowing I would never dream of such a job and I left unchanged.

The only woman out of the three was an expert, specifically of Asian art, porcelain and such. I found he much more respectable – but still, her job seems like hell to me.

We went to a bar afterwards, to talk over a glass of wine. I met a woman, she was 22 and shy, not in her element, but we talk for some time until the wine got to her head and she started laughing at nothing and everything. She works for an auction house, in the fashion department. Her Instagram is full of the clothes they sell, of her wearing them to advertise the sale. She looks like she is playing pretend,

A lot of people look like they are playing pretend. I hope I never do. I hate pretending, being something other than me.

I went to a vernissage the other week. My friend works in this art gallery and they invited me to the opening. It's in the Marais, hidden in a street not too far from Place de la République, and when I arrived a lot of people had already gathered outside, smoking a cigarette and drinking prosecco from glass flutes. I saw J., who was wearing a blue and gold suit, talking with their partner and a girl I did not recognize. She turned out to be a friend from their childhood; she's a video editor, she said.

J. gave us a tour of the gallery and handed a glass of wine to the girl and me, as if it was a ticket to the museum. Half of the works were made by a woman who comes from M.'s hometown. It was woven fabrics, either hanging like tapestries of shiny fibers and blue filaments, or draped over some wooden supports to resemble the floor of the ocean, where the waves create ripple patterns on the sand. The other half of the gallery was filled with half-finished paintings about memory, the past, loss. Oil paint and dry crayons. I loved them.

I was left alone with the girl, and sipping on our wine I realized I had never felt this fake. I tried to say what I genuinely thought. I told her I am staying art history, and she said I should analyse one of the pieces, and so I talked and as I talked I never felt that much like a fraud. She replied to what I said with the same tone, pretending she knew what she was talking about. I was uneasy, but I think I hid it well. I felt gross, plastic.

I left earlier than anyone expected, because I had to be home at nine. I had invited T., A, and L. at my place for dinner, and I could not be late to my own house.

When I got out of the metro, T. sent me a text telling me he had arrived. I found him and L. in front of the building door a few minutes later.

The three of them come to university with me, and they're the only people I truly bonded with. There's others I am friendly with, certainly, but the fact they are the first people I invited to my place means something.

We walked my sixth floors of stairs, and exactly when we got to the top A. called us, saying she was downstairs – so I did it all over again, I went down, opened the doors, greeted her and walked back up. I have gotten used to all these floors.

I made pumpkin risotto, and while I cut the onion and the pumpkin we talked about M., a guy who really, blatantly likes T. I turned on the stove and brought the broth to a boil. I started sautéing the onion, and then I added the pumpkin as we were laughing at something that seemed so compelling.

We watched the top of the Tour Eiffel shine irregularly, whenever it wanted, and we ended up talking about our parents, our time during lockdown, and by the time we were done the rice had cooked. I did the last step, what in Italian we call mantecare, mixing in some butter and cheese, and I plated up the orange risotto on some bright red plates. I always love cooking for people. I can take care of them in a way I would never do for myself: I can cook multiple courses for someone, and barely season an unevenly cut zucchini for myself.

I was surprised by how good the dish tasted. I did not even follow a real recipe, I just went by heart and let my hands do all the work.

They left late, with the last metro and the last bus of the night, and I did not wash the dirty dishes. I lay in bed and realized I was grateful I had found people I feel at ease with, but again part of me felt like I was pretending.

Talking in French is frustrating, sometimes. The other weekend I cried in the bathrooms of Centre Pompidou while finishing a dissertation I had to turn in the day after. I felt so stupid. Everything takes me twice as long in French – I read slower, I write slower, I feel like I think slower too sometimes.

I am afraid of not managing to come across as myself when I am speaking. I feel one dimensional, stiff. It's harder to be a part of the conversation, to weave myself in and out of the back and forth, to participate in class, or articulate what I think at the lunch table.

It is frustrating. There are things I could do in an hour in Italian, papers I could write incredibly well in English, that end up taking me three hours at least, leaving me with just a mediocre text.

Sometimes I feel trapped behind a layer of plexiglass, my voice passing through it fumbled and unclear. The screen fogs up if I scream too loudly, making everything worse.

And so I am scared that my friends don't genuinely like me. It is such a primordial fear, one that comes from elementary school and that I thought I had overcome long ago. But the fear not to be liked ambushes me at any moment.

It bothers me deeply not to be able to be one hundred per cent myself in French. It's not only an academic problem – I just hate that I cannot joke like I usually would, making the remarks I want to make. It's humiliating, but there is nothing I can do besides keep talking and writing.

-c.

#diary

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hatepersonals · 7 months

Text

New Age -> Christianity

Regard this as an open letter, a personal testimony, and an invitation.

I recognize that when an individual first starts on the spiritual path, they encounter many bad faith actors, that whether for monetary gain, or misguided intentions, lead people astray onto a path of confusion and deceit. Acknowledging the existence of such bad actors, I lay before you my sole purpose and motive in writing this.

I followed new age spirituality, it constantly confused me, lead me astray with false teachings and because I had such a bad experience with Christianity, I refused to go anywhere near it or believe other people when they pointed me towards it. Finally after being lied to, I came to Christ in the most personal manner I could. I read the bible on my own, because I didn't want my family to "right" I came to my own personal decisions, and asked for God to show me a sign so that I know I'm going in the right direction. He showed me a sign and I didn't believe it, so I asked for another, then he showed me another, then I asked for another sign, and eventually after 7 or 8 signs I finally got the memo. I believed in him, read his word so that I could understand him, and I truly believe it saved my soul. I'm writing this to offer that same thing to you.

And because clarity is my main and only objective goal here I'd like to make something as clear as possible, and answer some super common questions in the most upfront manner possible.

"I've seen hundreds of signs, or my tarot reading/mystic stuff has been spookily correct. How am I supposed to believe that stuff wasn't real?" - I don't deny any of the stuff you're saying, witchcraft isn't denied in the Bible, in fact it's existence is mentioned multiple times. However, none of it, no matter how fascinating or interesting, is going to save your soul.

"I grew up in the church, but it never felt right for me and all this stuff feels like it makes a lot more sense/I've had such a bad experience with "Christians" that I have religious trauma, and this stuff makes me feel much more comfortable." - Was the exact same way, but I'd only come to know Christ through other people, or through long boring church services which I'd rather eat dirt than sit through. Waking up early Sunday morning and forced into a pew to listen to a pastor talk about all the bad ways your living your life and calling you a sinner, when you're just 10 years old and want to go back to bed is a shared experience. It's just as awful for me as an adult as it was then. A quote I heard once goes a long the lines of "I'd rather be in the mountains thinking about God, then in the church thinking about the mountains." and while I don't claim to have God's actual input, I'd imagine he feels the same way about worship, he is the God of love. For the second questions, yes for me it felt much more comfortable, it was fun doing tarot readings and I honestly enjoyed them, but when I came to God I still wanted to do them, and I decided to ask his opinion, because, yknow, he did create me and everything. What I came to realize is all of those practices are actively inviting other spirits besides God into your life, call them demons, call them spiritual entities, regardless, he is a jealous God. Not that he gets mad at you for doing it and punishes you, but more so that he's very protective of those he loves. And none of the spirits you let in through these things have any type of good intentions, no matter how fun and inviting it looks. Here's some scripture that might help you understand that this is nothing new;

2 Corinthians 11: "Does this mean that I do not love you? God knows it doesn’t, but I am determined to maintain this boast, so as to cut the ground from under the feet of those who profess to be God’s messengers on the same terms as I am. God’s messengers? They are counterfeits of the real thing, dishonest practitioners, “God’s messengers” only by their own appointment. Nor do their tactics surprise me when I consider how Satan himself masquerades as an angel of light. It is only to be expected that his agents shall have the appearance of ministers of righteousness—but they will get their deserts one day."

We see that our adversary, or Satan, will masquerade as an angel of light, or imitate the divine in an attempt to mislead you. But I promise you, that path only leads to confusion, doubt, and deceit.

With those out of the way, here is where I'm going to give you some of the hard to digest statements. Whether you've been in spirituality for a long time, or are new to it and just curious about stuff, when coming to Christ, there's a few really hard to digest truth's. I say this because I didn't believe the people who told me these things and had to learn myself the hard way.

Crystals, rocks, tarot cards, spells, talking to spirits, necromancy, familiar spirits (burning sage to cleanse aura's/driveaway bad spirits) are all forms of witchcraft/sorcery/idolization, again not because we hate them but its for your spiritual protection. The same way no matter how upset a dog gets, we still don't feed them chocolate because we love them, God is the same way. Those practices open up doors for spirits with very bad intentions. I love rocks, I love crystals, you can certainly have them, but it's when you belief or through having faith in these things that those doors open.

Now, onto manifestation which is a big question. I'll give you my best opinion on it, and relevant scriptures that helped me come to my conclusion.

"The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit."

"Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours."

"If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!"

As you can see, this is certainly no new concept. Modern day manifestation is sort of a cheap knock off version of Christianity. A reoccurring concept you'll start to notice is the devil loves to do knock-off's or imitations of God's good things. But in the same way you "manifest" something and a lot of times it comes with some price tag or you get it, but it ends up hurting you in the long run. Proverbs 10:22 says, “The blessing of the LORD makes rich, and he adds no sorrow with it” so while it may not feel as quick or that it takes longer (which it really doesn't most of the time, God's pretty quick, he's been doing this thing for awhile) when you're gifted it, it has no extra attachments. That is, it's only for your good, and is carefully timed so that it arrives at the very best possible time for you.

And God's not some big snatcher of fun or in any way against being spiritual, in fact he's entirely the opposite;

"But if you keep on biting and devouring one another, watch out, or you will be consumed by one another. So I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh. For the flesh craves what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the flesh."

Also, he gives us spiritual gifts;

"word of wisdom, word of knowledge, faith, gifts of healing, working of miracles, prophecy, distinguishing spirits, various kinds of tongues, and interpretation of tongues."

Besides just this, he's also known for being very generous with wisdom, and that may sound boring but trust me, a little bit of wisdom from God himself, helps you out more than you could possibly think.

Also, one of the best things that he does is gives you easy access to his word. If you have a question, look around in the bible, no matter how obscure or stupid it might sound, I'm willing to bet he's probably got a neat little solution in there for whatever problem.

One of my personal favorites is "2 Timothy 1:7 - For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind" so basically, if you're ever scared, worried, confused, anxious, or any of the above about something or someone, we know that God doesn't give us that spirit, so if it's not from God, then it's more than likely from the devil. And, last I checked, we don't really listen to the devil, he got kicked out of heaven, and he's also after your soul, so don't take advice from someone you wouldn't take criticism from.

Also, just as interesting, is this

“Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you”

God's no stranger to questions, nor to doubt. If you're ever not sure about something, or have a question feel free to pray and ask. Also, when you're doubting anything, even if it feels silly, just ask him. The devil want's you to feel bad for doubting God's existence or God's goodness, but God won't get upset or mad at you for being not sure. That's when you get closer to him, if you start getting upset or feel like he's not there, or listening, that's some of the best times to let him know how you feel. While he does know all your thoughts, he wants to hear them from you, and how you think about it. Always remember, that God understands whatever situation you're in much better than you even do, no matter how silly or confusing it is, just pray and ask for clarity or a little bit of help. Often times he'll shine a light on something you forgot about, or overlooked, and put a good thought in your head to point you towards the right direction.

If you've been using tarot cards, or any other forms of future telling, you probably have a divination spirit in you, it's through that spirit that you've been "future telling" or other things of that nature. But, it's basically the knock off devil version of the holy spirit, which literally knows everything, can guide you in ways you can't imagine, and all the other gifts as well. It's a piece of God's very own spirit that he puts in you, free of charge, to have direct connection with him.

"Okay, I like all the things you're telling me, but what's the catch? And what's up with Jesus, why haven't you mentioned him?"

One of the most important things Christians believe in, is that our God is a god of love. We consider the entire Bible a love letter from God so that we can know him better. Through the bible we learn his character, how he is, and why certain things are the way they are. The old testament was during a pretty rocky time with our relationship with him. Much more on our part than his. But God doesn't give up and wants his people to know him and for him to be known by them. It's a testament to how much God loves us even at our worst. Throughout it, multiple prophets and people point towards the coming of a messiah, or a savior. That through him, God will be reunited with his people.

Since we recognize all the gifts and miracles the holy spirit gives us, it also performed a miracle in the virgin Mary. Conceiving within her, Jesus. After his birth, he led a perfect life, that is, because of his attachment to the holy spirit, he embodied the closest thing to God in human form. Even with all this power, instead of using it maliciously or to gain anything, he decided to serve instead. In all of his action lowering himself so that he could help other people, and in a society where power was defined through wealth or status, he flipped that entirely on it's head. Instead, he said that true power came through serving other people, and being a living example of that. Through miracles and signs, he showed not his power, but the power of God working through him. He was crucified however, even though he was entirely innocent, but in doing so he bore the weight of all sin. Essentially, giving access to God through all people that believe in him, and that by doing so, he washes us of our sins, and allows God to see us as he saw him, holy and blameless.

John 3:16: “For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.”

Now the catch? Imagine you're hunting, and you come across a dead deer. You're not going to shoot at it and it's not what you're after. That's how the devil views you. To him, he's already got you. He's pretty upset that he got kicked out, so he's trying to take as many people down with him. Whenever he sees you he gets that kick of satisfaction knowing he already cut you off from your inheritance. But when you accept Jesus Christ as your lord and savior, he hates it. Not that he'll target you super specifically, but he'll mainly start targeting that belief essentially asap. Whether sending doubts and worries or things like that, but like when you see bad guys in a video game and you know you're going the right way, that's one of the best signs that you've done the right thing and use it to strengthen your faith.

Okay, so if you're still with me, you've checked everything out, and you've made a personal decision to come to God, here's the best course of action I can recommend;

Your first step is simply to believe, really think on it though, study as much as you need and come to this decision on your own, don't just believe me, look through the bible and see if it's something that you're interested in, again you don't have to have perfect faith, all it requires is the faith of a mustard seed. If you can give him that much, and open your heart to it, then he's really good at doing the rest.

The moment you believe and accept Jesus Christ as your personal lord and savior, most people say it out loud or to yourself or pray. An easy one goes like this "Dear heavenly father, I accept Jesus Christ as my personal lord and savior. I pray that you gift me your holy spirit, to guide me in my walk with Christ, and show me a (pink rose, elephant, yellow square, etc..) to strengthen my faith it would be greatly appreciated, in Jesus name I pray, amen."

Patience, persistence, and faith are some good things to focus on. Try to read the bible as much as you can and be in a state of gratitude. The holy spirit is given to you essentially the very second you've accepted Jesus as your personal lord and savior, and now you need to give it some room to breathe. Listen to worship music that you might've heard, and honestly, you have to unharden your heart and be willing to look silly. The best way to come to God is not extremely mature and will all your wisdom and stuff, but just open your heart and tell him how you feel. 1 Peter 5:7 "Cast all your anxiety on him, because he cares for you"

Now, just pray from there. Ask God to help you read the bible and understand certain things, research it and just delve into it. Really, go full in. You have nothing to lose, but also be willing to be convicted by the holy spirit. That is as you read through the bible you might notice some of the words seem to sting a little bit because they apply to you, don't take it personally instead realize that God wouldn't chastise you if he didn't love you. It's basically direct advice from the creator of the universe on things you can be doing better, what better person to get guidance from?

#christianity #jesus christ #thoughts

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moonssugar · 11 months

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10, 16, & 20 for the pride asks please! :)

20. Have your ocs helped you in self discovery? How?

lets start off with 20 because its defintely the funniest lmaoooo

my main character sam is transmasc (a trans boy) and my tertiary protag is a lesbian (aubry) and she discovers this as the story goes out and let me to tell you there is nothing more hilarious than 1. writing and thinking extensively about how your character is a lesbian and pouring so much into that while being in total denial about yourself and 2. discovering even more about your own inwards trans feelings by giving your transmasc oc 90% of your personality and also through metaphor and symbolism by making a lot of the story a trans analogy. but wait, the character i see the most of myself in, sam, is transmasc but aubry, the second character i see so much of myself in, is a lesbian so how can these seemingly contradictory things be true simultaneously you ask? well it turns out that im a transmasc lesbian. who couldve saw that coming, right? (me. i saw this coming). still the funniest fucking thing about me like "yeah go ahead and tell yourself a story and accidently awaken something in yourself, this will be so funny and cool" and honestly it is so cool! one of the most writing things ive ever done

10. Does your oc celebrate Pride? How?

yes they do! sam has been to a local pride parade/event at some point with his parents (who are bi4bi). he also has a trans flag hanging up in his room that dual functions as a symbol of pride and also a window curtain that turns his room pink and blue at certain times of the day (its intentional). chelsie celebrates pride as well, mostly through self expression like with her clothing and style but she loves pride events too and collecting little pride themed objects that end up in random places. i feel like chelsie's way of celebrating pride is chaotic and spontaneous which suits her. both of them have pride themed bracelets and backpack pins, you know the baby queer stuff i love (i still love the baby queer stuff idc) and sam has trans, bi and rainbow themed tie dye shirts he made and loves to wear. aubry has never seen any pride flag or been to an event and she didnt even know gay people existed as well people and not the boogyman or theoretical person she heard about in church until she realized she was gay and met other queer people (and she literally has two dads LOL). but once she does she cant get enough of rainbows and the lesbian flag which in the alternate universe world where shes from no one knows its meant to symbolize queerness. so she gets to walk around with flags and colors that no one recognizes except her and her family. its hilarious, its her own "no one knows im a lesbian" pin. they just think shes from a different country or something (where all the pretty girls are from). sam and chelsie gifted her a lesbian flag through their mail system once she returned home and she cherishes it. mostly, i'd say my characters celebrate pride through living, being who they want to be and uplifting each other amd they love their glitter, music, make up, tie dye shirts, flags and rainbows too

16. Did you ever change an oc's identity when they were already established? Why?

my character's queer identities have been pretty solid since inception and through their development, its one of the things that have changed the least about them. sam used to be some flavor of trans/nonbinary but there are other nonbinary characters in my story now and sam ids with transmasc the most instead of nonbinary. chelsie has always been transfem as far as i can remember although i mightve imagined her cis one single time and then said "nah im gonna trans your gender no way in hell youre cis" when i didnt feel connected to her characterization [transgenderfication beam]. and aubry has remained gay as hell even as she started off as a completely different person that split into two then i used one half of the personality, refurbished it by gave it some religious trauma, pining and autism to create modern aubry then used the other half for something else. everyone else's personalities have started at the surface level idea of who i think they are and deepened and complexified from there and thats even more intricate than i could describe in one sitting and not always specifically about their queer identity

oh i almost forgot! one character (benjamin, aubry's father) has a bi panic awakening after he went through life identifying as gay and instead of a guy being the source of the panic it was aubry's mother (valid, i'd panic if i saw her too). his character started off as gay but aubry didn't hatch from a magic egg or grow from a pumpkin in a patch or fall to earth like a shooting start (amos's many joke versions of the birds and bees, amos is married to benjamin and is her dad #2) so i needed an explanation for that. he also discovers he's polyamorous in the process so good for him! other characters have become noticeably less cis over time but were already kinda gender weird to begin with if i squinted hard enough. like are you really cis if im writing you? be fr

also, sam's parents in my mind

#thanks for playing rachel! <3 ur so cool #ask game #roadtrip! by me #sam (roadtrip!)#chelsie (roadtrip!)#aubry (roadtrip!)

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tachvintlogic · 2 years

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How would u rewrite Spectra? I have this idea of her being a former famous horror actress who lost her spotlight as she got older and now as a ghost, looks for a new body to return. ep idea, auditions are held for a reboot of the show she starred in(Sam and Paulina are some of the competitors) which is really all a sinister plot to possess and takeover the best role. dont get me wrong I love OG Spectra, scary gal, I just wanted to write her closer to her obsession with youth/beauty.

We seem to have opposite directions we want to take Spectra as a character.

I see her as a scam artist posing as a doctor who preys on vulnerable people and takes their money, leaving her victims worse off if not dead in the process. She's like the Starvation Doctor Linda Hazzard, who scammed people into using her "fasting treatment" aka starving them to death, and taking advantage of their weakened state to steal all their money.

In life, Spectra's "treatment" of choice would be therapy, getting her patients to reveal things about their lives that makes it easier to access their bank account. She convinces them they suffer from aliments they don't have and give her more money to treat these aliments. In death, she does the same thing, benefiting from making those who want her help more unwell.

I'd completely drop the beauty aspect entirely to focus more on the very specific kind of abuse tactics she uses. And she is an abuser, but it takes a while for the characters to recognize that because she doesn't fit what the public consciousness imagines abusers look like, and she seems very friendly in public and private. The sweetness facade is never dropped to better disguise the jabs at her victim's psyches.

Depending on the rating of the hypothetical reboot, lobotomy might be one of the treatment she used to recommend or even perform in life, and she may have a "the mentally ill are subhuman" attitude, with all of the horrible, horrible things that entailed historically and even today. A real fan of ABA or Autism conversion therapy, this woman.

(Needless to say, I don't want to give her a redemption arc. And no one besides fellow con artist Bertrand gets along with her.)

Instead of looking older when deprived of misery to feed on, her human disguise becomes less stable and starts melting, forcing her back into her less taxing shadow form. This way the idea of a ghost's body being unstable can be introduced before we get to the clones. It also plays into the idea that the more human a ghost looks, the more powerful they potentially are. Passing as human is more taxing for ghosts, while for half-ghosts human is the least taxing form.

Having a weak ghost form means that even if she feeds on lots of misery, she won't be able to keep up her human disguise for long, leading to the episode Doctor's Disorders. The goal is very similar. She wants to create a new, more stable body for herself.

In this version, Spectra specifically wants to become a half-ghost, because as a half-ghost she wouldn't have to strain herself to maintain a human disguise and thus could spend more time in the human world feeding on misery.

To achieve this, there are 3 options: 1) Use Danny's ghost half to revive her own dead body, as Danny's ectoplasm is uniquely suited to reviving dead cells. 2) Do the first one but with the recently dead body of someone else. 3) Possess someone and fuse her ectoplasm to this living person, putting Spectra permanently in control of their body and making it her own.

In option 1, my headcanons about ectoplasm wouldn't allow it to work because Danny's ectoplasm only likes his human cells, so Spectra is defeated by her own lack of knowledge.

In option 2 she can also be defeated by the ghost of whoever's body she's using. This would mean some drastic changes to the overall plot, which would be about this person's body going missing, and our heroes have to hunt to find it.

Option 3 allows much of the plot for the episode to be preserved. She infected all these people to find the one she's most compatible with so she can take over their body. She then overshadows them and plans to kill them with a massive amount of electricity reminiscent of Danny's death. The final fight is a hostage situation where he has to free this person from Spectra's overshadowing before Spectra can kill them.

I can't decide which major female character Spectra should choose, because all of them have such good drama potential. The fight would leave Danny very shaken, because Spectra tried to do what happened to him to someone he cares about.

#danny phantom #penelope spectra #spectra #dp reboot #tach's asks

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gaypiratebrainrot · 2 years

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okay, so I took a break from everything else and read your fic. I have so many thoughts and feelings, most of them very conflicting. the rpf discomfort certainly is VERY there. but then, that's what was on the tin and I chose to read this with my own brain. this will definitely be the first and only way too rpf adjacent fic I'll ever read, but because you wrote it I absolutely had to and I don't think I have any regrets. okay, maybe I was mumbling "this is insane, this is insane" the whole way through, but who doesn't when they're reading something so mindbending that their brain almost explodes. of course with the discomfort of the rpf, which initially I thought would come from seeing their names, however switched around, comes the desire to read them as Ed and Stede - and you allow little details like the knee that almost make this possible - this then it rolls right back around because the essences (as discussed) captured are very clearly not Ed and Stede and through all the denial as a reader I can only deceive myself for so long. I've really pushed through my discomfort with this one because I think I get what you've tried to do here and you've discussed in such a clever way in the fic. it's all very meta and we all know this but also it's still made up and we also all know this. I don't have the same amount of writerly eloquence to put all my chaotic thoughts into sensible words, so apologies for this unhinged review. I enjoyed my discomfort greatly!!! pls accept all my love and admiration <3

i'm so so honored you read this and carried your discomfort the whole way. it's really profound to write something that is so much about me wrestling with my own discomfort with the topic that also manages to invite other people to wrestle with their discomfort in a way that feels productive and not shaming or punishing.

part of what's so wild about this fic is that it was supposed to be something much sillier, but the name swap gave me just enough plausible deniability to write the fic i apparently really wanted to deep down, which is them cheating on their wives lol (because the sexual tension is insane). when i finished writing it and wasn't sure the meta was working, i had a moment of, "ok, you just gotta accept you've written rpf and switch the names back" but i felt so guilty about that, cause somehow it was so much worse to write them cheating on their wives with the actual names. which is so, so funny to me, because even with the name swap, i am in no way hiding that this is rpf. i'm telling you right at the start with javid denkins that i know that you know that i know that this is rpf.

and with the characterization, i would often have moments where i'd be like "this is not how stede/ed would act" and then laugh at myself because they're not stede and ed. but then, the deeper joke is that they're not rhys and taika either. i've got a knack for capturing voices, and i've obsessively consumed a bunch of rhys and taika content in the last couple months, and they are my very real imaginary friends, but i do not know them. all the talent in the world would not allow me to capture what the actual lives of these real people are like, to depict them in a way that they themselves (or somehow who actually knows them) would recognize on the page.

the irony for me of all the rpf wank is that i'm pretty sure my discomfort and desire to protect the actors from my own perversions comes from my more unhealthy parasocial instincts--the belief that they really are my friends, that what i think of them matters to them, that it's my responsibility to somehow emotionally protect these full grown adults i've never met who also happen to have a lot more money and power than i do. if rpf makes the actors (or their families) uncomfortable, the best way for them to avoid it is not to attempt to control the millions of people who might want to write it, but for them to choose not to read it. which i imagine might be a fairly easy choice, considering they are busy working professionals in the film industry with a lot of other stuff going on lol.

anyway, i am so so delighted and honored you pushed through your discomfort and that the fic resonated with you like this!! thank you so very much for taking the chance! <3 <3

#asks #water flowing underground

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tarlos-spain · 2 years

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My first Omegaverse

You can say that I am very nervous because I am starting for the first time an omegaverse, a Tarlos omegaverse for which he is guilty and I thank him for it @tarlosweeklyprompts because of the prompts they gave this week.

"I don't care if this isn't PC, but I swear if they could get pregnant I'd put good money on them being knocked up by the end of the year, way they're looking at that kid" - Judd Ryder (about Tarlos)

Come on! How couldn't I start writing an Omegaverse and of course, a Mpreg TK? So here it is the first chapter that also includes my first square of mi omegaverse Bingo: Scent Bonding

Title: You smell like love Pairing: Carlos Reyes/TK Strand Rating: Explicit Word Count: 2258 Chapter 1/? Warnings: Tarlos, Omegaverse, Omega!TK, Alpha!Carlos, Mpreg Established Carlos Reyes/TK Strand, Soft Carlos Reyes/TK Strand, Sex, Explicit Sexual Content, Explicit Language, Hurt TK

Summary: TK had always lived as a beta and when he met Carlos he was convinced that theirs would be short-lived, an alpha like the cop would soon find his omega and leave him. But time had passed, his relationship with Carlos had grown strong and they seemed to be the exception that proved the rule. They loved each other, they loved each other, they were about to get married.

But one day TK realized that something had changed in himself; he didn't know what it was but he drew a lot of attention from the alphas around him, much more than before and when he returned home and saw Carlos there was no way to control his most primal instincts.

What none of them knew was that that night was going to change their lives forever.

Created for @afgomegaversebingo / Square Filled: Scent bonding

Chapter 1

TK looked at himself in the mirror. The rest of the team had already left the barracks and gone home for the shift, but TK had decided to take a little more time in the shower because he had spent most of the day sweating. He had taken his temperature, but he didn't have a fever.

They hadn't done much of anything during the shift either, so he didn't where all that heat coming from inside was coming from, which barely let him concentrate on anything but the image of Carlos in every possible way and all of them particularly arousing and why his brain kept telling him to go home already, to find Carlos and… carry out all those scenes.

He washed his face again with cool water and that he had just gotten out of the shower but already his cheeks felt hot.

He finished dressing and went downstairs to leave.

He passed Judd, though before he even saw him he caught the strong scent of his partner that he had never noticed before. He stared at him for a moment as Judd finished cleaning the fire truck.

"Everything okay, TK?" His partner asked and TK gasped.

"Yeah…yeah…it's just…" Judd's scent became even more intense and he had to take a step back.

He couldn't say he was attracted to his partner, Judd wasn't his type, he had Carlos and a thousand other things that made it absurd to imagine that he could somehow be attracted to him.

But the feeling was strange.

"I have to go."

Tk ran off, even as he still heard Judd calling him to ask if he needed anything. But what Tk needed was to get away…though it wasn't clear to him in exactly what direction.

He kept running and soon began to sweat and his heart was racing. He passed people and each of the men who passed by him made him feel in a different way, attractive some of whom he couldn't even see their faces, rejection others, as if he knew them and in a certain way hated them and then there were those who looked at him.

He could recognize a certain look of desperate desire in some, the one an alpha felt for an omega; but as a beta he had never seen himself in that situation. The beta was there to literally be in the middle, to please the alphas, to work for them, to accompany them, until the alpha in question found the omega with whom he would forever bond and they would foster a family.

TK had always been a beta. He liked everyone and had satisfied the needs of a few tall ones when they had asked him to, but when Carlos had appeared in his life, he had only had eyes for an alpha.

His father had told him he should be careful about falling in love with the cop. "It's his alpha nature, he'll find that omega to join and you…you'll take a back seat and he'll stop being attracted to you."

"Carlos isn't like that, Dad. I can feel it, he loves me and we've been trying…"

"Don't trust the promise of an alpha, your mother can tell you that about me. Alphas without omega's are not to be trusted and sooner or later they leave you stranded."

"How many omegas have you dumped?"

"That's your father's business."

He arrived at the door of the house turned into a sweat bath, hot, excited, trembling and with the feeling that he was going to explode if he didn't find himself soon in Carlos' arms, naked both of them, in bed or on the sofa, in the shower, anywhere but… but… but….

He grunted and leaned his head against the door because he wasn't quite clear on what was happening to him. He had heard about the "heat" but he knew that was only a thing for omegas, when they were ready to mate and start the reproductive cycle.

As a beta it was something he had never felt and therefore could not be. He couldn't be in the middle of a heat, as much as his body was desperate to have sex with Carlos and be possessed by him in every way imaginable for hours.

He finally arrived at the loft, luckily Carlos was home to make him feel good. Carlos always knew how to comfort him no matter what the problem, so now he just had to hug him, settle with him on the couch and let everything go back to normal.

As he opened the door, he heard the sound of music. when the Caribbean music played he knew Carlos was dancing. He followed it and soon found his boyfriend preparing the laundry in the laundry basket, dancing with that hip movement that normally drove him crazy but now simply made him horny in a matter of two seconds and what was even worse, he was wearing one of his sweatshirts.

It was a little tight on him, Carlos had a more muscular body than him and the sweatshirt showed off every one of those muscles, while the jeans… TK gasped at how tight those jeans were on him and how badly he needed to take them off.

Carlos turned around while separating two shirts and stared at him, as if he was seeing him for the first time in his life.

"Hey tiger… There's something different about you today isn't there?"

"Carlos, I don't… I can't…"

Keep reading in AO3

#tarlos #tarlosweeklyprompts #911 #lonestar #9 1 1 lone star #9-1-1 lone star #carlos reyes #tk strand #911 lone star #Omegaverse #Omega!TK #Alpha!Carlos #Mpreg #hospital #Hurt TK #afgkinkbingo

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lizzylucky · 2 years

Text

WHY CAN'T I SAY NO

WHY CAN'T I COMMUNICATE

WHY CAN'T I EXPRESS MYSELF OR MY FRUSTRATIONS OR MY NEEDS TO REAL PEOPLE

I'm so tired, how come I can't express to people just how tired I am so they STOP giving me things to do 😭

It's been so many things this week and last week and the week before and in spite of the many "breaks" I've gotten it's all been too much. What happened that over the last half year I've become completely dysfunctional? Why can't I work even a part time job? Why can't I take care of myself? Why does none of my experience have permanence enough for me to share it with my therapist? Why do I feel like a literal child so much of the time?

I'm so overloaded today especially that I went partially non-verbal, and I don't even know if that's real enough a thing for it to be an excuse. I still talk! I DON'T WANT TO TALK! I DON'T WANT TO! WHY DO I? WHY IS MY DYSFUNCTION ITSELF DYSFUNCTIONAL?

I am not an angry person, typically. But I'm so close to lashing out. My adoptive sister, whom I love but whom I also probably have PTSD from, asked to borrow my black boots for a Halloween party my family is going to tomorrow. I wanted to wear those boots. They're my boots. She has black shoes, as she said she needed, I'm sure, somewhere.

WHY DID I SAY YES? WHY DID I SAY OKAY? Everytime she comes over to me to talk, to comment on it, to ask for the umpteenth time if it's okay, I say "yes", all monotone and unbothered. WHY?

WHY CAN'T I SAY NO?

I want to scream. I want to yell. No, some little internal monster wants to, because I don't scream and yell.

That same little monster wants to yell at my mom to stop treating me like an adult because I don't feel like one anymore, even though she has been nothing but kind and understanding. Another Something inside me wants to cry and hold onto her and ask for a day just she and I because people are too much. And I can do NEITHER because I can't communicate anything.

I have been so emotionally guarded, so professionally masked, for SO LONG, that I've locked those traits into place and I can't get rid of them! Even when I've broken something to the point that I am a different person now than I was months ago, even when I cannot function, even when I cannot recognize myself and no longer feel like a real person, those stupid mechanisms are rigid and stubborn to stay where they are.

Now I'm unable to function AND unable to get help. I don't want to blow up at anyone. I "can't" cry in front of people or show vulnerability, and I seem never to have developed the ability to communicate when something is wrong to real people. So. Here I am. Venting on Tumblr because the guilt of going to anyone specific irl would push me overboard.

My best hope right now is that I remember this post next time I go to therapy, and maybe I can have my therapist read it. Because I'm so tired of not really being okay. And So tired of not being able to ask for help or say that I'm not okay. I'm building a new kind of mask in place of the last one I broke, and this time it's shoving me into a world of dissociation beyond any level I've experienced in past years.

I swear if I were a child I'd have more than one person developing and living in my head, because the stress and loneliness and disconnection I feel all the time are tearing me apart in ways I can't truly explain.

Too many times now I've seen a stranger in the mirror, thought "I miss her" when coming upon old photos of myself, and felt something unrecognized yet undeniable that I've only ever associated with being a very small child.

Something is. So wrong. I've never been gripped so tightly by anhedonia in my life. I can't imagine any form of success or happiness in the future, no hope whatsoever. I don't want to die, but I don't want to live either, because I'm not living, and nothing at all feels like living anymore.

I miss talking to people. I miss involving myself in fandoms. I used to read, write, draw, hike, sing, play piano, drive, work, care about things, take care of myself and my health. I feel nothing about any of those things except loss in a way that can't be fixed by readministering myself to them.

Loss and guilt and anxiety and hopelessness. I don't know if I believe it possible to just. Be happy. For no reason, all the time, without effort. It sounds like a myth at this point.

No one has to read this or care about it. I know I'm not the only person in the world who's felt this way; there are too many people on this planet for that to even be somewhat likely. You don't have to worry about me saying Last Goodbyes because I'm not going that route, ever. But man I don't know if there's any other way right now that I would ever be able to make myself say these things outside of my own head. I'm so lost. I'm so broken. I cannot even imagine the life I had only months ago. I don't know who I am anymore.

I'm trying.

#personal stuff #depression #potentially triggering #vent #rant #anxiety #autism #idek #do i really need to tag this stuff?#i half hope someone who feels like me sees it and feels a little less alone #but i also really hope no one feels like me #not fandom related #just life sucking big time ig #ptsd #idk #i gotta get the big disorders outta the way in case some people have this kinda stuffed filtered #dissociation #this is a lotta nonsense tbh

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starxscream · 2 years

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Rouxls for the character ask! (and Mettaton or/and Noelle too if you want!)

Runs around in circles

I'm. On mobile so I'm sorry for the long post awhoopsie

Rouxls

Sexuality Headcanon:

Gay gay homosexual gay. Ok but fr he radiates a lot of homosexual energy and like- he knows his preference he just SUCKS at recognizing when he likes someone. Probably a little on the aro spectrum in the demi area since I think he prolly has some issues with deep relationships that need to get worked out and while surface level he can feel attraction it's just surface level n goes away when the initial infatuation wears off

Gender Headcanon:

Non-op transmasc enby<3 my man radiates SO MUCH transmasc swag it's unreal

A ship I have with said character:

I'll give you one guess. (I will not write and essay here abt swatchkaard. I will not write an essay here abt swatchkaard. I will n-)

HOWEVER as a special weird one I do like him queerplatonic with KK! Maybe romantic but more so queerplatonic lol I think abt when Rouxls goes to their shop to fix up his machine a lot and KK is just. I like your funny words. I think they're goofy as friends and I rly like two silly buddies bc I imagine KK would just listen to these rambles ("""listen""" he so tuned out 15 minutes ago) and then offer milk or cd bagels like congrats. Or sorry that happened. Just a nice chill vibe to balance out how high strung Rouxls can be!

A BROTP I have with said character:

I know Queen is like, obvious choice here since they co-parent and I do enjoy that BUUUTTT. I also like him being good buds with Seam! Esp after they could reconnect in castle town after the events of chapter 1. I like to think they were all friends (Rouxls, Seam, and Jevil) before what happened with Jevil with Seam being a kind of straight man to both Rouxls and Jevil (who prolly pissed each other off a lot- well Jevil would prolly rile Rouxls up on purpose...lol) so I think Rouxls holds some respect for Seam but then they. Like. Yknow. Disappeared. So I like them rekindling a friendship later on :]

A NOTP I have with said character:

King or Queen romantically lol. The power imbalance there is...rly bad. With how bad Rouxls wants to please and serve them/be a servant to someone of high status, its just inappropriate to have him in a romantic relationship with them bc it can easily be turned into a manipulative toxic pool cuz King/Queen have too much power over Rouxls in the relationship

Also they're both just like. Rly rude n bully him constantly so like eeehhhh sorry I don't like the date ur bully type ships.

A random headcanon:

What hcs do I even have I haven't talked about holy shit lmao

Anyways I think it'd be cool if he had a lisp and part of the reason he has the accent is to hide it cuz he's self conscious (gestures to how his drips keep getting in his mouth I can't imagine that makes it easy to talk either)

General Opinion over said character:

I love this bitch he lives in my rent free (this is a plural joke)

Anyways tho for reals I think he's a lot more interesting than just comedy relief and I hope we get to see more sides of him than just that. Cuz we still have never had a "real" battle with him and I'd love to see what his real strength is. I love him dearly. My silly pathetic meow meow

Mettaton

Sexuality Headcanon:

Also gay I'm sorry but you CANNOT tell me anything about that robot is straight.

Gender Headcanon:

Trans man!! This is just supported by canon lol

A ship I have with said character:

Tbh. I haven't. Played undertale. Still. so I don't have any super strong opinions but I'm just kinda like gestures. I don't rly have one? I'm not a fan of a lot of ships with Mettaton with undertale characters.

I do think him in Rouxls is funny in a non-canon crackship kinda way lol transmascs stay winning

A BROTP I have with said character:

Ik Alphys is again. The obvious choice but I think he'd be cool friends with Sans ngl. I rly like the idea of them being pals bc Sans is chill and Mettaton is...not lol and it's a fun mixture bc they're BOTH very silly and I think they'd talk for ages- or well Mettaton would and Sans would make a quip every now and then that would crack Mettaton up

A NOTP I have with said character:

Uuhhh idk I rlyyyy don't like him shipped with any female characters bc he's rly blatantly queer-coded imo. It makes me uncomfortable personally.

I rly need to play undertale God bless its been sitting on my switch for who knows how long

A random headcanon:

His robotic pink chest part is curved/juts out in way to make it seem he's a non-op transmasc bc I think that's cool. Thank you

Also I like the idea when he gets upset or overwhelmed his arms just stretch and drop all over the floor like limp noodles

General Opinion over said character:

Holds him in my hand. U are the reason I'd play undertale if it wasn't for the fact you're so far into the game. I love u sir I love ur gender I want To Be You.

Also currently living in my head rent free (plural joke)

Noelle

Sexuality Headcanon:

Ace Lesbian bc I love making characters on the aroace spectrum thank u

Gender Headcanon:

Beelze Rly got me hooked on transmasc egg Noelle. She doesn't rly know it but she's got the vibes and I see her, now that she's reconnecting with Kris, to expirament with gender more and figure it out

A ship I have with said character:

Susie duh lol I don't have much to add besides congrats lesbians on the win

A BROTP I have with said character:

While there are issues that def need to get worked out I rly do love her friendship with Berdly bc they are actually rly good friends even if Berdly tests her patience a lot. I hope to see them both grow and have a stronger friendship after chapter two (well. On the non-snowgrave route.)

Also KK they're besties :)

A NOTP I have with said character:

Any boy character lol let us have the lesbian we deserve. Also not a big fan of her n Kris bc I like them better as good friends

A random headcanon:

Weeeelllllll I like to think that in addition to holiday music she REALLY loves stuff like rock or heavy metal and just hecking jams to it- whenever someone finds this out it always surprises them lol

General Opinion over said character:

I think she's neat :) and I'm glad she's not the stereotypical sweet girl next door like we originally saw lol she's a WEIRD KID and i LOVE that about her. Honestly the more I learn abt her the more I love her

#asks and answers #anon #finally got on break hiiii #i have many thoughts

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