if you're a recovering addict, i want you to know you're doing good.

you didn't use today? you're doing good. you used recently and you're still recovering? you're doing good. you sought support today? you're doing good. you practiced harm reduction? you're doing good. you want to relapse and haven't? you're doing good. you're getting involved, even if others are doing more? you're doing good. you're resting today? you're doing good. you're alive? you're doing good.

this shit takes time. you have spent a considerable amount of time doing harmful things to yourself, or others. you're not going to change overnight. all you can reasonably do is get through the day, adding as much good to your life/the lives of others as you can. it doesn't matter what happened yesterday, or what's going to happen tomorrow.

all you have is this moment, and if you're on the path of recovery... you're doing good. this is your story. not someone else's. not some idealized version of yourself. it's yours, just as you exist, right now. that's all you have, and all you need.

keep going. you got this. i'm glad you're here (and so is everyone else who interacted with this post).

reasons to breathe and keep going:

your friends WILL miss you

your pets won't understand why you left if you don't

you can't listen to your favorite song if you don't

you can't have your favorite food anymore if you don't

you'll never pet another dog if you don't

youll never hear a cat purr again if you don't

statistically humanity is getting kinder, what you hear is the loud minority because it's easier to list the bad stuff

you'll never get to see your favorite musician live if you don't

you'll never get to watch your favorite movie if you don't

you'll never get to play your favorite game if you don't

it's okay to struggle and I can't promise it will get better but you can do hard things. because you've done everything you thought you couldn't before. take a rest and keep going because your best isn't stagnant but you're best is enough

Reasons to recover #8

For my younger self. She deserves to feel happiness, love, comfort and safety. 💘🍂

She deserves it all after struggling all her life and feeling left out, unloved and alone, feeling like she didn't fit in anywhere. She deserves to love herself and feel love. ( crying as I write this, it's a difficult journey but I'm trying for her)

you know, one day, you’re gonna feel safe. one day you’re gonna wake up surrounded by flowers and fresh air. you’ll get your peace, your freedom, your rest. because you survived.

we do survive. 🌹🌹

Because I am once again suffering depression. (Always suffering it, I have medication resistant depression.)

I am forced to remind myself why I live.

I live because I am in love with a partner who treats me so gently and so lovingly that I feel at peace when I am around them.

I live to take sips of tea full of sugar and creamer, sweet and soothing.

I live so I can pet my cat when he cuddles up to lay on me.

I live so I can write stories about interesting people going through the same things I have while still managing to live happily despite the pain.

I live so I can watch sun rises because I'm so rarely awake to watch the sunset.

I live so I can rescue bees I see on the ground struggling.

I live so I can take photos of flowers in bloom.

I live for so many experiences that I would miss if I stopped looking for them. I live for simple things that bring me joy even when I'm lethargic and can't fully appreciate them. I live with this meager hope that someday I will not feel this way and I will truly be living and not just surviving to see tomorrow.

My depression is not my friend, my depression is not loved, my depression is not me.

do what you have to do

There are some times where you really just don't wanna go on. Like, genuinely. It's kinda tragic, but it makes sense considering the times we're in.

A few weeks back, I made myself a google document with all my reasons to stay alive. Every time I remember, or I have a moment with my friends, or I watch a video, or I see a quote in a book or a song or ANYTHING, I just type it up in there.

It's got the most random stuff, including but definitely not limited to:

The taste of tortilla chips, I like them so so much - point 9

Rebel Detectives (악동탐정스) Season 1 & 2, my sister and I have rewatched this show every year for the past two or three years - point 14

Candles, they smell nice and i like watching the flame flicker - point 23

The possibly of owning cargo pants, I really want a pair - point 36

"When i wake up to the sun filtering though the side of the curtains on a summer day, but it’s early-ish in the morning so the sun is rising in oranges and yellows and i feel like nature is proud of me for getting up in the morning. Sunrays on my face and my body in general feel like a hug." [taken directly from the document] - point 58

There's songs, pages from books that i've scanned, youtube videos, teachers, characters from certain visual novel, voice notes I've made, literally anything (yes, jet siquliak is also there)

Do what you have to do.

Humour me for a bit, and keep on going, who knows what could happen?

Someday, I will have a place of my own and I can put my mugs in a cupboard and use them instead of having to keep them in my room.

March 7: National Cereal Day!!🥣

And Tommorow is...(March 8)

International Women's Day!!

I just finished my shampoo and conditioner at the same time, as i'm standing in the shower washing my hair a sense of nostalgia and deep sadness overcomes me. It's funny how these things are connected. So, i take a little longer to wash my hair, to wash away all those emotions, let them go, and for the rest of the day, i'm just gonna take extra good care of myself, maybe try a new pasta recepy...

honestly the only way to not do addiction recovery "right" is by dying. relapse is part of recovery. when we relapse, it's because there's something we haven't learned yet. and as long as we stay alive, we have a chance to learn it and get back on our feet. so props to you for still being here, despite everything. it means more than you know.

Dune Part 2 trailer:

Me: YEAH!!!!🥹

pretty skies are a reason to stay

sm got me feeling shitty. situational mutism is a shitty disorder so,

some people will love you, even when you can’t speak.

you’re worth loving. you’re worth so much. “but i can’t even do this basic thing” i don’t care, you’re worth everything.

“but it’s the basis of all relationships” no it’s not. not the important ones.

“but i’m alone so what’s the point.” you’re the fucking point.

“it’s so isolating and frustrating. and no-one can understand why i freeze up, why i can’t even speak.” people like us exist. we exist. you’re not alone.

“but everyone laughs and no-one takes me seriously and it’s draining”. you will get out of there. you will feel safe again.

you will feel safe again. have all the roses

🌹🌹🌹🌹

When the dread in your chest begins to swell

When it grows solid and heavy, weighing down your weary limbs

When the contours of your mind are shrouded in gray and a thick, murky fog, too eerie to traverse

When daybreak feels like punishment instead of a chance to start fresh—

The cool, crisp, pine perfumed air awaits. A cat begs to crawl into your lap. It will purr a sweet, rumbling tune. Birds sit high in their trees, waiting to be your alarm clock. There is coffee to be brewed, pearly cream to be poured into your mug of deep brown.

This Earth can be bitter. Your head can be bitter. And yet, these small, gentle reasons to keep pushing on are perhaps the sweetest things of all.

i am happy to report that I have lived long enough to buy a pair of cargo pants :)

You know, it really sucks living in this late stage capitalistic hellscape that we call our world. A world where mass shootings are just the norm and all that’s done is a few muttering of ‘hopes and prayers’. A world where it doesn’t seem to matter whether you live or die just so long as you do it efficiently, just so long as you don’t stop the rate of productivity. A world where women aren’t even granted the right to our own fucking bodies. A world where we as humans can’t even comprehend how to be decent to one another. How to look past our own noses and notice that hey, maybe we should do something about this. Maybe we should fight instead of trudging along the worn path that our abusers laid down for us. But this world is so hard. Most of us are stuck in a state of survival. We can hardly live much less save the world. And if you are a part of a minority? Forget it.

But we can’t do that can we? We have been pushed for too long and too hard to give up now. We have to keep going if not for anything other than spite. To spit in their faces and say we will not let them win. We have to keep going. We deserve to be happy.

We deserve to live.