#rational voice of reason like can we please get some conflict here
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wait do you have a fav boys character yet ?
i really like butcher but i feel like that's a basic answer and also the wrong answer. in another world id like frenchie but i can't get over how much i hate the actor. I love maeve theres never a moment she's on screen where im thinking get this woman outta here she's always entertaining to me. i like starlight but (and this is probably a bit nasty to say) there's smth a little uncanny valley about her sometimes where when she's talking im not listening but staring at her face trying to see what features throwing me off. I hate ashley but the actress played an insufferable character in jessica jones too and I really appreciate her ability to play The Most annoying woman you know.
centrist answer i like them all (except stormfront. hated her before i even knew she was a nazi. she was on insta live and i was waiting for her to explode and die) but my fave would have to be butcher bc i find im rooting for him the most and constantly justifying his actions. but sometimes karl urbans accent pisses me off. also black noir but he doesn't Do anything so it's hard to have him as a fave bc he's barely there.
#ameeras.got.mail#kieran tag#ik men like soldier boy so ill wait to see him do some evil disgusting horrendous thing that would make most ppl go ew he sucks but make#cis men ages 18-35 go wow hes soo cool#i like kimiko too but i dont think im allowed to say shes my fave when sometimes when shes like i dont want to be a weapon anymore :( im#mad at her and thinking get over it. i like mm but hes kinda this mother hen character and i dont rly tend to favour characters who are the#rational voice of reason like can we please get some conflict here#hughies whatever. i rly like his dad though lets go simon pegg#in the 7: homelander sucks. i find a train fun but his athlete storyline wasnt compelling to me personally bc the more i thought about it#the more i thought his superpower sucks. despite it all i find the deep kinda fun. i like that hes a scientologist.#didnt like transparent. was meh about lamplighter. didnt like whats his name sonicboom?? had a personal vendetta against that hijabi supe#we saw for like 2 seconds girl what are you doing there !!!!!! why are you playing into the diversity market !!!!#like edgar but in the way everyone likes giancarlo esposito's characters#nadia is whatever she was always meh to me even as a background character but i rly love the idea of having the superpower to explode#peoples heads with your mind i cant help but think of the xmen and think about if there was a mutant with the ability to explode heads with#their mind and that was their only ability and what a hard fucking sell that would be for xavier#(ive never read the xmen comics and have only seen some of the movies so i like to imagine charles xavier as lilo in the lilo and stitch#cartoon where every episode she would find an experiment with a unique function to destroy and would have to find it a home where it could#help instead. like yeah this experiment fattens people up and eats them lets put him in a resturant or smth#but with mutants#this mutant makes ice lets send him to a fridge company. this mutant explodes heads lets.... erm.#)
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tears of the condemned .𖥔 ݁ ˖ neuvillette x reader
summary ➜ The Oratrice Mecanique d'Analyse Cardinale rarely ever made errors in its judgement, suitable persecution befalling those on the other side of the law. The Iudex of Fontaine was well-aware and familiar with that fact but the Oratrice's final verdict cause his judgement to go sideways, because it involved you.
warnings/tags/notes ➜ the summary is a warning in itself, angst [i never payed much attention to neuvillette but seeing a few fics about him got me to write this heheuehe + info and events might be canon-divergent because i haven't unlocked fontaine yet but hey, i tried my best 🤓☝️]
Neuvillette truly did not understand why so many people sought out Fontanian hearings, as if watching the accused and the persecution go back and forth was an amusing routine incorporated in their daily lives. To the citizens, it seemed like hearings were an elaborate play that they could watch for entertainment instead of a catalyst to serve righteousness. The Chief Justice certainly did not have a taste for it, especially when the audience was filled with hushed chatter about the case today: your case; surprise, you do not play the part of the persecution but you are the accused.
Murder, both you and Neuvillette found it impossible to believe you could committ such an act but as the Iudex, he must learn not to let this cloud his judgement; Neuvillette must not his doubts pass the verdict instead of rationality.
"The evidence presented by the plaintiff shows us that there is no concrete reason to convict the defendant," His eyes catch your form relax, even by just a bit from his statement. "However, as practice, the final verdict will be determined by the Oratrice Mecanique d'Analyse Cardinale." Silence fills the Opera Epiclese as the mechanism moves between the scales.
Neuvillette's skin goes cold when the Oratrice has decided your fate.
Guilty.
Gasps erupt inside the opera and your expression is filled with dumbfoundedness. This was not the first time this happened but he's learned to trust the Oratrice's judgement over his own.
But can he truly put aside his bias if it meant getting you out of this predicament? Can he truly cross the law, the one aspect that founded everything that he has done so far.
Your voice rips out from the silence, riddled with desperation as you plead out to him.
"That's—that's not true at all! Monsieur Neuvillette, there must be some kind of mistake!"
Neuvillette clenches his fists, head straining from the thoughts that ran through his mind. He knew there was a mistake, he knew that the Oratrice can go against his own verdict but he's conflicted. Should he let you off scot-free or send you to the depths of Fortress of Merop—
"The judgement of the Oratrice Mecanique d'Analyse Cardinale is the final verdict of the court. We have no choice but to follow through with it. Please take the suspect into custody," his mouth opens before he could even think about anything else. Neuvillette swallows thickly, seeing the defeated look on your face—as if the stale silence of the courthouse gave way to the sounds of your heart shattering into tiny pieces; the heart that he had promised to take care of so sincerely every day and the heart he swore to never toss away.
The Fortress is a place meant for solitude, for the convicted to reflect on their actions but all you could think of was how dark and scary it was in your cell. It was clean for the most part, that you were thankful for but other than that, all sense of time seemed to blur. It was lonely, but being falsely arrested like this by your beloved helped you feel lonelier. You felt empty, almost numb like a hollow glass that threatened to break with a push that was enough to break and Neuvillette crossing your trust like that was the trigger.
Footsteps resound through the corridor outside your place, your head lifts to see him.
"Why are you here?" Neuvillette seems to almost wince at how your voice sounded so... colorless, deprived of the life he's grown to love. You never intended it to come out that way but being in here rarely gave you the privilege of human interactions, "Are you going to set me free, monsieur?"
The Chief Justice opens and closes his mouth, clearly conflicted on what he was going to say next, because what could you say to your (assumingly former) lover whom you just convicted of a murder in front of the public?
"No," he replies, like he's still in court. You dryly chuckle at his response. "Have you come to reprimand me then? That must be it right? The lover of the Iudex of Fontaine, condemned to a life behind bars at the hands of her own beloved, thst must sound terrible to you, yes? Does a number to your honorable image to the people," Your tone gradually turned more bitter at each word knowing the fact that he could've saved you, or at the very least kept you anywhere but here until the evidence and verdict lined up in agreement.
"I care less about my own image, mon chéri—"
Another gasp of a laugh falls from your lips, "Don't. Don't you dare call me that if you will spit such lies in the same breath."
"Would you rather me threaten the sanctity of my title as Iudex?" Neuvillete responds right after, his tone stern and almost to a level of a scream. You would've flinched if you weren't so agitated.
"I wish you would," you mutter under your breath. You were so desperate for authentic justice to be served. Knowing the citizens of Fontaine, this incident would leave a stain on your image. No matter where you'll go, you aren't free from the scrutinizing eyes of the people. Your life will never be the same.
Neuvillette scoffs, "Do you hear yourself? Do you know what you are asking of me?" He was angry now. See, when he gets irritated, Neuvillette is never the type to aggressively express such a feeling but rather, he emits a silent aura that just unsettles you to an extent. But you have to stand your ground.
"Such a selfish request for your circumstances."
Now it's your turn to huff an exhale, hurt gnawing at your chest at every word he spoke.
"Selfish? I'm selfish for asking for justice for a horrendous act of violence both you and I know I never committed?"
Your voice almost gave out under the weight of the sting of your chest, nearly cracking as you raise your voice at him, "You know the Oratrice can make mistakes, Neuvillette—"
"The Oratrice's judgement is absolute, it does not make errors," the man interjects. A beat of silence stays.
"You never believed my words, even for a moment, didn't you?"
Neuvillette swallows, eyes somehow on your face but never on your eyes. He's hyper-aware of the fact that he's hurt you more than enough times he promised not to, never. He always promised that he wouldn't be the one to shatter your heart into tiny pieces and crush them under the soles of his feet. He was the one that vowed to stay by your side amidst the intimidating whispers that talk, talk, and talk about how you would murder an innocent citizen in cold blood. And now he knew.
He had gone back on his word.
It doesn't take him a reply before you started again. "You lied to me," you muttered.
"You're correct, I never believed you for one second," Neuvillette responds, voice low. His mouth opens before he could even think about it.
No. He always would. Over anyone and anything else.
He cringes slightly at this. The Iudex of Fontaine behind closed doors was a complex man. He is built of layers upon layers of emotional concealing, it was never a good thing for him to blatantly open up to someone—but of course, that changed because of you.
"You're foolish to think you could've slipped past the Oratrice's verdict,"
You didn't. He knew that, you did nothing wrong.
"The time has come for you to pay your dues." Neuvillette fronts.
Let me get you out of here. Neuvillette pleads
You fall silent by the tail of his words, barely getting enough courage to look him in the eye. Too much, it was all too much.
"Just—just leave, I don't want to see you," you mumble, defeated. Your eyes catch the way salty tears softly drip onto your clenched fists, wiping your face with the back of your hand. If you were alone in a lonely cell, so be it.
You hear his footsteps hesitate for a moment before they clack away, getting softer and farther with each step.
Heavy rain littered the streets of Fontaine that day.
Hydro dragon, hydro dragon, wipe the tears from your face. Hydro dragon, hydro dragon, don't cry.
© bamdelune 2023. do not repost, translate, plagiarize any of my works without permission, thank you so much! reblogs, notes, and comments are always appreciated!
#bamdelune#genshin impact#genshin x reader#genshin#bamdelune's bookstore#genshin impact x reader#neuvillette#neuvillete x reader#neuvillette x reader#neuvillette x you#neuvillette x y/n
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I don’t usually make posts like this but guys can we please please please check what we’re reblogging for misinformation
I really do think that the biggest part of activism is rationality, and making sure that what we are spreading around is factual. Outrage is one of the easiest things to take advantage of for people looking to spin their own narratives.
As someone who fact checks and cross-references academic papers for a living and also isn’t exactly a slouch when it comes to textual analysis, here’s some really easy ways to double check what you’re posting:
Check the original blogger and look through a couple of their top posts. Generally, you’ll be able to see some of the sentiments they hold. I know I narrowly avoided reblogging something from a transphobe just by doing this
Check for sources. If there are no sources, don’t reblog, or find a reblog that has sources, or reblog and add your own.
Just because a post has one source: that’s not typically good enough. Try to find at least three if you can. Cross-reference!!!
Look at where your sources come from. Check the reputability literally by typing in “is [source name] reputable?” if you don’t know. Generally you’ll want newspapers, journals, websites dedicated to the topic in question. Avoid sourcing only from social media - though, as we know, there are certain situations where we need to be taking into account the voices of individuals when supposedly unbiased sources refuse to publish their perspectives, or diminish their experiences with coded language.
Check to see if any quotes are carefully edited or taken wildly out of context. People love making sensation out of moderate statements. People also love passing around catchy soundbites.
Check the publisher and the source of funding. Usually you can find it at the bottom of a website page or in the funding section of an article. There are quite a few studies on the benefits of eggs and milk sponsored by the dairy council in my country. While this doesn’t necessarily mean the science or information is completely bogus, you may want to be slightly skeptical about the motives of the research or report. Who does this research/article benefit?
Listen to what people are telling you who are directly involved. This should go without saying. You should always strive to be a better listener than a louder speaker, even if both are important. We are here to support those who need it and to pass along their words and send aid where we can. They do the talking. We provide the reach. Don’t be a saviour.
On that note, do you act in solidarity with the victims, or are you more interested in having a “legitimate” reason to get angry? Your investment should come primarily from compassion. Not hatred.
On that note again: are you interested in maintaining the narrative you understand, or are you willing to listen to views that may conflict with the story you’ve understood up until this point? The mark of good judgement (and good science, fyi) is to be able to reevaluate when faced with conflicting information. (The psychological concept is assimilation vs accommodation of new information, if you’d like to look into that.) You are not immune to propaganda just because you’re on the morally “right” side (and if you find yourself thinking this way, I would delicately suggest that you see if, perhaps, you are already caught up in it - “us vs them” mentality is a prime breeding ground for hateful sentiment and misinformation).
Last thing: sometimes you’re going to find things that are really hard, if not impossible to confirm. Exercise your own judgement. Sometimes it comes down to trust and compassion. That’s human nature. Sometimes we’ll get things wrong, or fall for misinformation, or learn more information later that changes things. That’s good. Being open to change is actually far more important than getting things “right”.
Final note: sometimes people get really caught up in trying to prove a claim that doesn’t really change the main situation. For instance, I don’t particularly care if there are “bad” individuals in a situation where an entire group of people are being murdered en masse. There are bad people everywhere, my dude. Ask yourself whether certain claims are meant to hinder discussion of what really matters in this moment. Keep your focus, keep your compassion, keep your ears open, and do your best not to get sucked into the outrage vortex. I know it’s hard, but you’re going to do so much more good for the people most in need if you remember that misinformation is how voices get swallowed up and lost - because their narratives are overtaken by someone else’s. Please, if nothing else, don’t be reactionary.
#oof I’m not making this rebloggable because I’m no expert and I don’t want drama#but god. guys please be careful#storyrambles
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What is the "unassuming yet heartfelt expressions of love" included in Mahiru's (CV: Miho Okasaki) first trial song "This Is How To Be In Love With You"? ――『MILGRAM -ミルグラム-』Music Interview｜’This Is How To Be In Love With You’
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Translator Notes:
Mahiru's song title is "Ai Nan Desu Yo!" (It's love!). This is important context later for some of Okasaki's answers.
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DECO*27, a leading creator among Vocaloid artists, and Takuya Yamanaka, known for his style of exploring human psychology, have launched a collaborative music video project called "MILGRAM - ミルグラム -". The project features a joint original story and production, and the music video - which is crucial to uncovering the prisoners' crimes - has now been released.
Animate Times is conducting email interviews with voice actors participating in the project! In the second half of the sixth interview, we spoke with Miho Okasaki, who plays the role of Mahiru. This time, we asked about Mahiru's first trial song "This Is How To Be In Love With You," and the hints and points to uncover Mahiru's feelings in the lyrics when singing.
youtube
―― Mahiru's first trial song "This Is How To Be In Love With You" has finally been released. Please tell us your first impression of the song title.
Mahiru’s Actor: Miho Okasaki (Okasaki hereafter):
In my opinion, Mahiru is a girl who fearlessly uses a straightforward word like "Ainan desu yo! (“It’s love!)" in the title of her song without any reservations, and that's what makes her stand out in a positive way.
―― It’s a song with a strong message. Were there any particular details in the lyrics which were of interest to you? Please also tell us if you have a favorite line.
Okasaki: "I often come across the lyrics '(…shite shimau kedo) ai nan desu yo', and the words 'It's because of Mahiru's love' felt like an expression unique to a girl, which I thought was really cute."
Translator Notes:
This requires a bit of explanation.
The phrase 「（……してしまうけど）愛なんですよ」 can be translated as "It's love, even though (I'm doing something I shouldn't be doing)." The ellipsis (…) represents the action that Mahiru is referring to, which is not explicitly stated but implied. The phrase emphasizes that even though the action may be seen as inappropriate or shameful, it is ultimately driven by love.
Let's take this verse here as an example:
Giving you love to the point of pulling you down
It's just because I still get worried, please forgive me
Even when I test you, even the times we do the breakup ritual,
Is because I love you
This verse expresses a kind of intense and possessive love, where Mahiru is willing to go to great lengths to show their affection for the other person. They mention giving "love to the point of pulling you down," which suggests that their love is so strong that it may feel overwhelming or suffocating to the other person.
Mahiru also acknowledges that their behavior may not always be rational, and that they may worry excessively about their partner. They apologize for this indicating that they recognize that their actions may not always be healthy for the relationship.
The reference to "testing" the other person and "doing the breakup ritual" could suggest that Mahiru sometimes creates conflict or tension in the relationship, perhaps as a way of seeking reassurance or attention from their partner. However, despite these challenges, Mahiru asserts that their love for the other person is the reason for their behavior.
UNASSUMING YET HEARTFELT EXPRESSIONS OF LOVE
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―― Do you have any specific points or aspects that you focused on or paid particular attention to when singing?
Okasaki: During the A melody, the rhythm of the song is fun and exciting. It was a part that I really liked because it was packed with Mahiru's feelings. So, I sang each word with my heart and enjoyed it.
―― Did your impression of the character Mahiru change when you first saw the lyrics or after you finished singing the song?
Okasaki: There are parts where strong expressions of love are included in the lyrics, which might be missed as they sound casual with the cute melody. At first, I thought, "Can I overlook these words?" However, after singing the song, I completely became immersed in Mahiru's feelings of "It's love, you know?" (laughs).
―― The viewer’s votes will affect next season’s songs. Please share your enthusiasm for the next song with us.
Okasaki: I am really excited to see what kind of song will be next, as it will depend on the users' votes. Whatever the result may be, I will sing with all my heart, right next to Mahiru-chan.
#MilgramInter#milgram translation#milgramtranslations#interview#milgram#Youtube#mahiru shiina#Miho Okasaki
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There's a constant battle going inside my head.
There's a constant battle going inside my head. My conscience(Zameer) conflicting with my Nafs. I keep hearing some voices from time to time coming from inside of me, in my mind. I don't understand where do they come from or it is Shaytan who's whispering them in my ears. Stopping me from approaching opportunities. Ceasing my capacity of rational thinking. Making me self-judgmental. Compelling me to start doubting my ownself, my own capabilities. Making me saying things to myself like you're worthless, you’re lazy, you’re stupid, you’re unlovable, etc. Which is eventually making me hate myself. However, forgetting how could you hate yourself? Despite, When Allahﷻ loves you the most. Heﷻ loves you more than seventy mothers. When our prophet Muhammad ﷺ loves you the most. How?
Maybe the reason behind procrastinating over everything is also these voices. Making me lazier day by day. And when I procrastinate, I judge myself pretty harshly, telling myself I’m not a good person, I'm just like a sack of potatoes. Moreover, what concerns me is that everyone is productive and are achieving their goals, except me. Asking myself why I'm not good enough?Somedays, these voices inside of me don't even let me sleep. Spending nights overthinking. Yet, i forget that we're human beings. Our lord created us as humans. And every human has different capabilities and potentialities on the basis of which, we work accordingly. We make mistakes, making us aware of what needs to be changed in order to improve. Besides, every human has their vices too. With whom a person constantly battles or either befriend them, that means to become slave of 'em. These vices or lusts are also aroused by our nafs. When Shaytan and nafs team up against us. They trick us in different different ways with gimmicks and deceptions, to make us go astray. But we should stay steadfast on our deen, and ask Allahﷻ for help and protection from evil. However, we make mistakes, we learn and we overcome. Nevertheless, we do keep repeating some of our mistakes untill we learn from them. Though, people don't see our struggles and just kept throwing their words as knives. They don't think that their mouths could work like a bows and words like arrows. And could criticality damage one's feelings. Even if they kill someone, someday. But who cares. And it is also their words behind the growth of these voices. It isn't easy to win over these voices. It is our conscience which help us to keep fighting the inner battle, against the things that we don't speak out. These troubles we've got may arises through the traumatic events we experience or have experienced. It just end up making a chaos inside your head. It feels like a graveyard, occasionally we end up burying something inside of us. In the end, what we came to realise is that these voices are nothing but created by our own Nafs, when befriended by Shaytan. ["Auzubillahi-Minashaitan-Nirajeem": I seek refuge in Allah from the outcast Shaitan.] And, as for the thoughts, it can be seen as an example of a pathway where different passersby passes and it's upto you to whom do you have to pay attention to. If you gave your attention to the wrong one, it will eventually harm you. And for the right one, it will be beneficial for you. ["In-Sha-Allah": if Allah wills.] And to make a difference between the right and wrong, our conscience works. And ask Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَتَعَالَى): "Ya Rabb, grant me the strength to change the things i can, the courage to accept the things i can't, and the wisdom to know the difference."
Somethings are better to be left unsaid. “Whether you conceal what is in your hearts or reveal it, Allah will know it.” He knows what is in the heavens and what is in the earth. Allah is powerful over everything.[ Aal-Imran | 3:29] Indeed. He's all knowing: Rab-ul-alameen. Our pain is as temporary as this world. Every disease has it's cure. Verily, it is our lord who shall heal the chest of his believers. Whosoever believe in his guidance and mercy, his heart will be cured. "...And (He) shall heal the breast of the believers." [At-Tawba | 9:14] Surely, heﷻ test us by putting us in trials. And verily, with hardship comes ease. How can we forget that this worldly life is only temporary enjoyment, and indeed, the hereafter is the home of permanent settlement? We all are here today and gone tomorrow. And all these worldly possessions will end up being worthless. And only our good deeds will remain with us on the day of judgement. May Allah ﷻ forgive us all for our sins. May Allah ﷻ grant us relief from all that suffocates us and constricts us. May heﷻ grant us peace amongst the turmoils and tribulations. May Allah ﷻ grant us protection against laziness, cowardice, miserliness and the punishment of the grave. May Allahﷻ grant our souls dutifulness and purify them from arrogance, envy, egoism, selfishness, greed, lust, intolerance, anger, lying, cheating, gossiping, and slandering. May Allahﷻ guard us all. As he's the bestower of faith and Security: "Al-Mu’min". And the Guardian: "Al-Muhaymin". May Allah ﷻ take our lives when he's most pleased with us and help us all to get over these mental traumas.
Ameen ya rabbul alameen!🌼🍃
Fi-Aman-illah!🥀
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#wisdom words#my words#writers and poets#writeblogging#text blogging#journaling ideas#journal#written thoughts#thoughts#nafs#tazkiyatunnafs#praise allah#allahﷻ#subhanallah#alhamdulillah#allahuakbar#allpraisesduetoallah#written post#text post#muslims#muslimposts#muslim tumblr#muslim#motivatingwords#inspirational quotes#beautiful words#strength#courage#wisdom#love of allah
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Reaction to The Devil Judge (spoilers for ep. 9 & 10)
It’s been a while since i’ve last been on tumblr, but i got invested in this drama every week & the fandom’s analyses to not talk about it sometime!
(Last time i was hooked, it was with Beyond Evil and i watched it by the time the finale already aired so i didn’t suffer from the weekly wait!)
So here i am, this is mainly self-indulgent with essay-long interpretations of some scenes in a totally random order, but i’d love to interact with whoever reads this if they want to react!
I’m sorry for the potential awkward phrasings, english is not my first language!
- The recap was nicely done and tied everything together, it made me realize so many things happened since the beginning! The repetition didn’t make me skip it, the narration was dynamic & fun.
- The ‘power display’ & threat Yohan showed to Soohyun (by lashing out at Juk Chang and strangling him, as proxy for Soohyun, in front of her while staring at her) were something …! She answered in the same fashion, passing by him saying she will ‘arrest Juk Chang’. I wonder how their next encounters will unfold.
- Many people already pointed this out, but Soohyun’s decision to leave Elijah, a minor, alone in her car (with its doors open, daring to tell her to stay there when she has no other choice anyway) + stop the gang alone and unannounced off duty was irresponsible. Anyways, i wonder if she will interact again with Elijah because they were adorable, i would miss it!
- The conversation between Soohyun & Gaon at his apartment (ep. 10) was interesting on both parts:
It sounded casual, but Soohyun wanted to see where he stood in the Kang family and make sure he wasn’t in Yohan’s plans (i hope she didn’t seriously mean the ‘weird’ comment about Elijah, it’d be sad since Elijah enjoyed her company!).
Gaon was anxious professor Min told her about their last conversation (i think she’ll talk to him in the next eps). He also indirectly defended the Kangs by associating himself with them (« I’m pretty sure i’m just as weird ») and voiced his concern about Yohan, speaking more to himself than following the conversation at hand.
When Soohyun changed the subject with the ‘i’m jealous’ bit, maybe it was to brighten the mood with a light-hearted comment, hoping Gaon would follow. And by the look of her pause right after, it seemed she was also expecting GO’s ‘positive’ reaction to her jealousy, giving in to the kind of teasing/flirt they have in their friendship. But deep down, it was also to voice her true unease about Gaon’s involvement with Yohan she had since the beginning and ep. 8.
It’s obvious to us she meant she was jealous of Yohan. And GO could’ve understood it this way too, since she confessed to him multiple times and her feelings must be known to him (i think he takes it as a ‘joke’ given how many times she confessed and each time when he was crying, so maybe he thought, very reasonably, it was to cheer him up? I also guess he’s too absorbed by his current worries about the Kangs and her potential suspicion, to notice her attempts).
But instead of that, he’s not in the same line of thoughts at all and picks up on the « rich », musing on what makes one’s existence rich, thinking Soohyun was envying Yohan’s position and life and proving her he’s indeed in a whole different world, empathizing with Yohan.
She then looked like her face fell, until her eyes lit up again when he was about to admit she was precious to him along with his family.
By the way, this scene picks up right where we were left off in ep. 8, when Gaon tends to his plants:
« - Are you back for good?
- Not really. They need some looking after.
- You should come back, not drop by. This is where you live.
- Someone there needs some taking care of too.
- Take care of your own self, please.
- What about me? I’m living a shamelessly comfortable life. Soohyun.
- Yes?
- What are you thinking about?
- Nothing. By the way, Gaon … » (i wonder what she was going to say!)
Lost in thoughts, Gaon’s mixed emotions when he said Yohan was not rich (« he’s not rich. If you get to know him, Kang Yohan is really poor. ») were very well depicted by Jinyoung’s acting: the soft voice and the ghost of a smile that convey understanding and endearment, leaning on his counter in a relaxed stance, but also at the same time the stare lost in the space, maybe to all the memories tied to the Kangs and Yohan, and the tension in his left lip corner by the end of his sentence which betray his sadness and empathy with Yohan’s life. After this, when he became aware of Soohyun’s gaze, it’s like his bubble popped. He looked surprised with his eyes widening, and was fidgeting a little, then changed the subject to himself.
And « I have you, Soohyun » sounded truly grateful but also sad and conflicted, GO lets his worries show when she’s gone, maybe wondering if they would be bound to be against each other one day as he continues to side with Yohan, menacing to jeopardize their friendship to the point of no return. In these kinds of stories you expect these kinds of twists, but i grew fond of the cast send help
- I loved how Yohan’s confession to GO about his brother was filmed: the camera faced head-on his pain, slipping unbeknownst to him through the façade he always showed to protect himself. But this time, despite his (late) attempts to dismiss these feelings both for him and Gaon to regain composure (the hand gestures to hide his tears, pretending to be tough with the « there’s no such things as innocent people », drinking away his sorrow with a bitter laugh that rings hollow), all this façade fades out in front of Gaon literally by being blurred out in the shot, as if he clearly sees his pain through (his silhouette appearing clear-cut between Yohan’s gestures). I know it’s a pretty classic shot but it fit well with this scene. He clenches his jaw in the next shot, moved by Yohan opening up.
- The dinner scene was really moving …! Especially when you put the colder tones the kitchen had when we first saw Yohan have dinner by himself next to this scene, full of light in contrast! I wonder when the OST playing will be released, it was so beautiful and reminded me of My Mister’s OST (especially Rainbow!). I look forward to the lyrics, because most of the time the OST gives more layers & depth to the story and the characters! (please don’t let it be about Yohan’s budding feeling of a true ‘home’ ;;) I didn’t realize it upon my first watch, but Gaon really took the cutlery hostage, it cracked me up!
- The parallels in this show will be the end of me: Yohan went from the « i’m so sick of this place » (ep. 5) to asking K to drive him « home » with a delighted smile.
- I liked the parallel of Yohan’s reaction to GO/Sun-Ah sitting in his office chair, impeding on his space (he reminds SA to stay out of it, the first time politely, the second time almost grimacing, his jaw clenched: « Just because you’re the head of the OSC doesn’t mean you can barge in like this (…) So please stop barging in like this. », while he says nothing to GO)
- At the beginning of ep. 10, we have Yohan saying he doesn’t like « hanging out with people » & by the end of it, Soohyun saying « My childhood’s best friend is hanging out with a rich guy ».
- These two episodes gave more insight and nuance into Sun-Ah’s character, which was very nice ; and also Cha Kyung-Hee’s comeback (and her last confrontation with Sun-Ah!!!!)
- The people following Juk Chang also targeted sexual minorities according to the subs i had, i wonder if it will be addressed again sometime in the drama.
- I loved Elijah’s « hacking » technique scene, i felt proud too! I always look forward to her scenes (and Kkomi’s too haha)! And her reaching out Gaon’s shoulder for the first time ;;
- The ‘humans lose their minds when they think they’ve lost what they have’ ……… repeated twice by YH ………… It will hit hard and all those lines will come right back at us viewers, but i’m not prepared haha! And also for the ‘if you want revenge, don’t hesitate’, i hope it doesn’t foreshadow a future revenge Gaon will execute without hesitation aaaaaa
Also, what lawyer Ko said about himself in ep. 8 may apply to Yohan’s case by the end, will he atone for what he did someday? (« I’m no longer a lawyer. I’m just a criminal. When all this comes to an end, I’ll pay for what i did. »)
- I really loved Yohan’s efforts to take into consideration both Elijah’s (he refrained himself from acting rashly like the last time she went out and listened to her) and Gaon’s feelings (stopping him from endangering himself recklessly, not forcing him onto the revenge path lest he’d regret it afterwards, and helping him to face the truth rationally).
- « She’s hungry for affection. No matter how much you hate the world and the people in it, you can never live alone. You always need someone to rely on. As long as you’re a human being. » Many people commented on it, Gaon must speak from his own experience and empathizes with both Elijah and Yohan’s situation. These two episodes showed how Gaon cares for the Kangs more openly, and i live for it!
- Give me that domestic scene where Gaon plays cards with YH, the nanny and Elijah! And also more K and lawyer Ko scenes!
- Jinjoo’s and Gaon’s intervention in the trial were gold! And Satie’s Gnossiennes rearrangement playing in the background during Juk Chang’s speech, it’s the cherry on the cake haha
- By the way, there was also an arrangement of Rachmaninoff’s piano concerto no. 2 during the first charity event Yohan went with Jinjoo in the earlier episodes, it was also beautiful!
- GO’s Awkward Smile. I have no words, it is now forever imprinted on my mind.
Have a nice week and take care!
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New Girl on the Block (12)
(Are you guys getting tagged for these??? I’ve been putting all of the names on here, but it doesn’t look right.. anyway, sorry if the tag doesn’t work. I tried!!! Anyone else who wants to get tagged or asked but isn’t getting tagged, please contact me and let me know!!!)
Ch. 1 / Ch. 11 / Ch. 13 (ao3) (Journal Entries- a mini series connected to this fic)
Chapter 12: Quiet Conflictions of the Heart
Felix tapped his pencil against his textbook, staring blankly at the words that he wasn’t reading. The minutes ticked by on the grandfather clock that sat across the room next to the stairs, informing him of exactly how much time he was wasting by sitting there, and moonlight poured through the wide windows in front of him, signifying the beginnings of the evening. The fact that he started this assignment during the day and still had hardly anything done should have been frustrating, but Felix’s mind was too far lost in other thoughts for him to care.
As soon as Rosemary found out about his direct involvement with the akuma, they sent him, along with Marinette and the others, home for the day with light homework assignments and instructions to “take it easy”. The procedure was meant to help them regain composure and process the traumatizing events, but it only gave Felix more time to think.
And think.
And overthink. About him hitting the ground with Marinette, about her pulling them behind the fence only to run right out again, about her shocked and panicked expression upon being picked up by the akuma.
About her flailing body falling from the sky.
Felix set his pencil down and rubbed the bridge of his nose with a sigh. That scream still rang in his mind even hours later, sharp and blood-curdling, like a constant echo of a bad dream. He couldn’t help wondering what might have happened had Chat Noir not arrived on time, how she might have felt hitting the pavement, or if she would have survived at all. The very thought left him gripping his textbook and forcing a deep breath to relax. It hadn’t happened, after all. She was fine. Everything was fine..
And yet, no matter how many times he tried to push the gruesome images out of his mind, they continued to worm their way back in, fueled by how tame Allegra, Claude, and Allan’s reactions had been towards Marinette’s incredible risk of self. The girl almost died multiple times over the course of a single hour, and the only thing those idiots did was hug her and tell her that her actions were justified. Who cares if they were justified! Justification does not equate to rationality, and doing something for a good cause doesn’t always mean that it’s the right- or wise! -thing to do.
Normally, he could brush it off and ignore it. The experience had been daunting, of course, but he could accept it knowing that Marinette had learned her lesson, realized how stupid her decision was, and vowed not to do it again. The problem came with the little fact that Marinette hadn’t learned her lesson. Oh, she’d apologized and admitted that her actions weren’t properly thought through, but it was clear that she didn’t intend on waiting for the heroes any time soon. He couldn’t quite explain how he knew- maybe it was how calm she looked when she returned, as though everything had been in her control the entire time, or how she only smiled when he asked her not to do it again instead of fervently agreeing to his request -but he knew. Her entire demeanor gave way to her belief that her sacrifice had been both necessary and acceptable, and it disturbed him to think of how far she might be willing to go under that belief. What if she challenged another akuma that wasn’t nearly as polite or rational? What if she was alone next time this happened and didn’t have Allegra or Claude or himself to help her when things inevitably got out of hand? Why was she so willing to throw away her own life without a second thought?
“Felix?”
Felix flinched, his eyes snapping upwards. His mother stood next to the couch with a frown, which was odd. He hadn’t heard any footsteps approaching. How long had she been standing there?
Bridgette shot him a concerned look as she sat down next to him. “Are you alright, sweetheart? You’ve been on that same page for half an hour now.”
It’s been longer than that. He thought to himself, plucking up his pencil and closing his textbook. There was no point in leaving it open if he wasn’t going to read it.
“It’s nothing.” He muttered. “History homework just tends to be monotonous after a while.”
Bridgette narrowed her eyes at him, though her tone remained gentle as she said, “Oh, come now. You don’t expect me to believe that. We both know that you would sit and read every history book available if you had the time. What’s wrong?”
A small, bittersweet smile tugged at the corner of his lips. She could always read him well. Too well at times.
“Is it about the akuma attack?”
Felix felt himself stiffen, and he silently chided himself for it. That would be all she needed from him to know the answer.
It’s not that he wanted to hide his distress from her. He was simply unsure of whether he wanted to talk about it or not. The threat was over now, meaning all of this worrying was somewhat unreasonable, and Felix didn’t want to express irrational thoughts to his mother only for them to fade away by morning. It would just make this a bigger problem than it probably was.
Then again, watching your classmate casually wave off their jumping headfirst into an akuma and almost dying was a decently sized problem.
Bridgette lightly touched his shoulder. “Felix, honey, if it’s bothering you, then you need to talk about it. You can’t let things like this weigh on your mind unattended. It doesn’t have to be with me, but communicate with someone, please.”
The amount of earnestness in her voice caused him to avert his gaze, and he began tapping his finger on the arm of the couch. Her wording could almost be considered amusing, as he had no one else to talk to aside from her and Father. Allegra, Claude, and Allan clearly didn’t care as much about the subject as he did- not to mention, he’d rather spend his days putting up ad posters for Adrien Agreste than confide in them about anything personal -and Marinette was the cause of the problem. Besides hovering around those four, Felix was a common shut-in who proudly (and happily) hid himself away in the penthouse with his books and, on pleasant occasions, Mother’s tea.
Nevertheless, he knew that Bridgette was right. He needed to get these tangled ponderings off of his chest, but to do that, he’d have to unravel them first. Where should he start? The attack seemed as though it had happened within five minutes, yet it also seemed to drag on for hours. Time is a shaky illusion when your entire body is buzzing with adrenaline.
“I just don’t understand,” He said slowly, beginning with the thoughts at the forefront of his mind, “how they can all act like nothing happened. Marinette risked her life for no reason, and they all want to treat it as though it’s an everyday occurrence.”
“Who risked their life?”
Felix and Bridgette turned towards the stairs, where Felix’s father was now standing. The man’s eyebrows knitted together as he continued his descent, similar to how Bridgette’s expression had been a moment earlier, and in a few, long strides, he was standing in front of them.
“Oh, Francis.” Bridgette greeted with a smile. “I thought you were still working.”
“I was,” Francis replied, leaning down to give her a light peck on the lips, “but I came down to get a drink. What’s all this about someone risking their life?”
“Apparently, Marinette did during the akuma attack today.”
A disapproving hum came from him as he settled on the couch next to Bridgette. “Isn’t that the girl from school that he’s always talking about?”
Felix bristled. “I don’t always talk about her.”
A soft chuckle fell from his mother’s lips. “You do talk about her more often than anyone else, though.”
“Can we get back to the point?”
“Of course.” Francis said, lazily wrapping an arm around his wife. She leaned back against him naturally. “Start from the beginning. How did you get caught up in this akuma business in the first place?”
Felix sighed, letting his irritation quiet down before thinking back on the attack. Where were they when it happened again?
“I believe we were exiting the café.” He said. “Claude was telling some story as we walked to our cars, so we didn’t notice the akuma flying towards us until she was landing in this gust of wind that knocked us over.”
A ghost pain trailed up his back at the memory of skidding across the pavement. He didn’t get a chance to see it during the battle, but the prickling sting of the injury told him that his shoulders and back had been scraped up immensely, especially during the second blast. If the miraculous cure hadn’t healed him, he probably wouldn’t hadn’t been able to sit up straight now.
“As you can imagine, we were all terrified, since we’d never seen anything like this in person before, but Marinette wasn’t. She grabbed all of us and helped us hide behind a fence within the first few seconds of falling. It was like she hadn’t been phased by it at all.”
“Perhaps she’s simply more level-headed during a crisis.” His father suggested.
“I’d assume so,” Felix replied, “but it’s strange considering she’s usually someone who would jump at their own shadow.”
“True, but people with anxiety can still flourish in a stressful environment.” Bridgette remarked.
Felix tilted his head in a nod. He supposed that was true.
“The akuma said she wasn’t going to hurt anyone, only the buildings to get the heroes’ attention.” He continued. “But Marinette didn’t like the thought of that, saying the people in the buildings might get hurt or killed. So she decided to counter the claim by running out to the akuma to lure them away.”
“That’s very noble of her.” Francis commented.
Felix tisked. How many times has he heard that now?
“Noble and stupid. She was a powerless bystander running straight into danger. Am I the only one who sees a problem with that?”
“Sometimes you have to try to do what’s right even though you might not be able to succeed,” Bridgette said softly, “but I can understand why you would be distraught about her actions. You didn’t want to see her get hurt, and that’s not a bad thing. It proves you care.”
Felix’s gaze flicked to the ground. Admitting his recent attachment to Marinette hadn’t sounded irksome before. She was a kind and compassionate person who hadn’t failed yet in giving him a sense of satisfaction after each of their conversations. Anyone with half a brain would gravitate towards her presence. After everything that’s happened today, however, a part of him was starting to resent that sentiment. Why did he have to care for the one person who would openly throw themselves to the wolves without prompting?
“What happened next?” His mother prompted, tugging him from his thoughts.
Felix drew in a breath and continued again. “She told the akuma that she could lead them to the bigger, corporate buildings, since that was apparently what they wanted. I didn’t understand it at the time, because wouldn’t that bring more death? But looking back on it now, it was probably a ploy to stall time. I doubt she actually intended on leading the akuma anywhere.”
It was quick thinking, considering they’d all gotten attacked seconds earlier, but it hadn’t been quick enough to account for the consequences.
“The akuma accepted the offer and used more wind to carry Marinette into the air with them.” Felix paused, Allegra’s horrified cry resurfacing in his mind. “It was.. nerve wracking. We didn’t know what was going to happen or what the akuma was going to do to her later on.”
Bridgette reached forward and rubbed his upper arm, giving her silent support, and Felix leaned into her touch as thanks.
“I ran after them. I’m not really sure how, but I did.” He said, gazing absently towards the windows again. His reflection stared back at him, along with the glittering stars and illuminated city behind it. How many alleyways did he run through? Five? Seven? He knew he couldn’t see the cafe by the time he stopped, nor could he hear Allegra and the others calling.
“I followed them for a few blocks,” He resumed, deeming the exact number of alleyways unimportant. It was what came next that shook him to his core. “I thought I had lost them at one point, but then I caught a glimpse of Marinette in the air again. She looked like she was talking with the akuma again, but I couldn’t hear what was being said. Then..”
Felix briefly closed his eyes, once again trying to push the image of Marinette’s flailing body out of his mind.
It didn’t work.
“..Then she fell.” His voice was quieter than he expected, but he kept going anyway. “I’m not sure what happened. All I saw was this silver pole that came out of nowhere and hit the akuma, and suddenly, Marinette was falling from the sky and screaming.”
And screaming and screaming and screaming and screaming. He had to stand there and watch her fall, knowing full well that he couldn’t do a thing to save her. The feeling of helplessness that overtook him in that moment had been overbearing.
A classmate passing away was not something he hadn’t experienced before- accidents happened every year, and sometimes, those accidents involved Rosemary students- but he’d never witnessed their deaths personally. It was something you heard about over the morning announcements or from your teacher at the beginning of class, not something you stood there and watched in a daze, and he’d certainly never lost someone that he-- someone that was so-
“I heard later that Chat Noir saved her mid-air.” He added, if only to help his parents’ nerves. The anxiety crawling across their expressions was evident. “I wasn’t aware of that until after I went to look for her, though.”
Until after he scoured the dismantled streets and ever-increasing debris for signs of her. Until after he lifted boulder upon boulder by adrenaline alone and being torn about whether he’d want to see her under one or not. Until after he called her name till his voice was hoarse and searched relentlessly for some kind of clue, like a shoe or a purse or even blood.
Gosh, he looked for blood! Felix was out there, in the middle of a terrorist attack, looking for the lifeless corpse or the splattered blood of his classmate, and everyone wanted to act like that was fine simply because she came back alright. How could any of them be considered alright after that?
“She could have died.” He stated for the millionth time it felt like. She probably will die if she keeps doing this. “But no one seems to care. They all brush it off because she’s safe now, instead of worrying about the fact that she purposely decided not to be safe beforehand.”
Bridgette let out a breath and pulled Felix into a hug.
“I’m so sorry that you had to endure that.” She whispered, her voice full of emotion. It reminded him of Marinette’s apology back at the cafe. The way she carefully held his hand, the warmth of her palm against his- it told him, in that moment, that she truly was there and that she truly was safe again. That confirmation had admittedly been one of the things to keep him from unraveling towards the end of the fight.
Felix felt the slender fingers of his father ruffle through his hair. “You went through something that no one should have to go through, but you also made it out alive. And so did everyone else. Remember that.”
Bridgette’s cheek brushed against Felix’s forehead as she nodded. “I know it’s scary, and you have a right to acknowledge it in your own way, but don’t let yourself get carried away with the ‘what if’s and ‘what should have been’s'. You’ll never be satisfied with them.”
Felix heaved a heavy sigh and allowed his eyes to drift shut. After a full day of almost dying, almost watching someone else die, and worrying about both of those subjects for hours on end, he was officially exhausted. Felix couldn’t remember the last time he’d put so much energy into a single event.
Maybe it was best to just let it go..
~~~~~~
By the time Marinette arrived home from Rosemary, her parents were beside themselves with worry. Apparently, they saw her on the news while they were working and spent the last hour and a half trying to reach her. Marinette had been either running around as Ladybug or talking with Allegra on the phone so she hadn’t noticed her phone ringing.
They doted on her and hovered around her for a good twenty minutes, with Marinette insisting that she was fine and apologizing the entire time.
“Chat Noir saved me before I could really get hurt.” She assured, plastering on a bright smile. “And the miraculous cure healed any scratches that I might have gotten. See?-” she held her arms up and did a small twirl “-I really am fine. But I’ll try to keep my ringtone on from now on.”
Her parents’ worried looks didn’t change.
“We were hoping that transferring schools would keep you away from akumas.” Her papa lamented. “How do you keep getting caught up in these fights?”
“I don’t know, Papa.” She replied honestly. Maybe some of her partner’s bad luck had rubbed off on her. “I was hoping I wouldn’t run into any more akumas too.”
Sabine sighed and gently rubbed her daughters back. “Well, as long as you’re alright.. Would you like to see the package that came for you?”
Marinette furrowed her eyebrows, confused. “A package? For me?”
Tom nodded, a small smile returning to his features. “From a Mr. Claude Herolds. We put it upstairs in the living room.”
“Tried to.” Sabine corrected under her breath.
Marinette tilted her head slightly. A package from Claude? But what could he be giving her that he couldn’t give in perso-
“My fabrics!” She gasped, immediately shooting for the stairs. Her parents chuckled behind her, but she hardly heard them in her excitement. The fabrics finally came! How many were there going to be? What kind of fabrics? He hadn’t really specified when he talked about buying them, though she gave him as detailed of a list as she could. Oh, please, be the good ones-
Marinette threw the front door to their apartment open, coming to a dead stop as soon as she entered. The mere sight of their living room had her jaw dropping to the floor.
Claude had indeed sent her a package of fabrics, but her parents happened to leave out exactly how much fabric he had sent. There were rolls upon rolls lining the couch and the floor, hiding in the corners of the room, sitting on the coffee table and the dining room table- it was too much to count. She was quite certain that she couldn’t see the floor!
Just- Just fabrics.
Fabrics everywhere.
Marinette turned to her parents, who had since caught up to her. They shared eager smiles as they waited for her reaction, and she quickly found herself smiling as well. In fact, she found herself down right laughing at the ridiculousness of it all. Who needs this much fabric for three suits? How did Maman and Papa manage to bring it up in the first place? What did the deliverer think as he loaded this up into his truck to take to one person? How was she going to fit it all into her room?
Nevertheless, despite the insanity of the situation, she couldn’t help being ecstatic. This was more fabric than she could have ever dreamed of having, and it was all of the highest quality. So, with the help of her parents and her steely resolve, Marinette got to work on carrying the “package” up to her room in the attic.
It took a while, as one would expect. They had to stop several times for Marinette to rearrange her room simply so she wouldn’t be completely swimming in fabric by the time they got everything up there. They also had to make sure she could reach her trapdoor to get out of her room, her stairs to get to her bed, and her desk to work with the fabrics in general. This resulted in her creating a sort of obstacle course with the few solid things in her room that she could stand on without the fear of breaking something.
“I can’t even believe it, Tikki.” She said to her kwami once her parents went back down to the bakery. “Look at all of this! How am I even going to use it all? This is crazy!”
Despite her words of disbelief, she had the widest grin on her face, so wide that it was starting to hurt. Claude had told her that once she was done with his suit, she could keep any of the leftover supplies, since he supposedly had no use for it. She assumed it was his own little way of paying for the outfit, even though she’d told him that she would make it for free.
Tikki zipped around the room, giggling as she inspected the different types of fabric. “You could make him ten different suits with all of this!”
Marinette laughed. “Tikki, I could probably make him thirty five different suits and still have some leftover.”
She walked over to the piles of fabric in front of her and plucked up the first one that caught her eye. It was a deep blue silk that sheened under her bedroom lights, and she smiled at the mesmerizing display. Marinette had used silk before, but nothing like this. This was the type of silk that she imagined royalty to have, something smooth and soft and slick as butter. It was incredible, and she couldn’t wait to start working with it.
Marinette picked out a few more fabrics, the finest of the bunch, and brought them over to her desk to compare the colors and theorize how they might look together. If Claude was going to give her the best of the best, she was certainly going to return the favor by giving him the most regal and enchanting suit she could muster. Not to mention, this was an amazing, probably once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. Fabric of this quality was something she could never get on her own without saving months and months of allowance, and that was only to buy one roll. The fact that she had piles upon piles of this fabric at her disposal now was a miracle in and of itself. She couldn’t waste a piece of it.
She rolled the blue silk out across her desk to begin measuring, but just as she pulled out her sketchbook for extra notes and other things, her phone buzzed next to her, informing her that she’d received a text.
DancingQueen: Hey guys! Mom said that February eighth would work well for the sleepover if you’re all free! I think it’d be a great way to celebrate winter break.
A soft, delighted gasp passed her lips after reading Allegra’s text on the group chat. With the whole akuma battle and receiving Claude’s fabrics, she’d completely forgotten about the sleepover that they talked about earlier.
She quickly switched the calendar app to check her schedule, and her smile widened at the sight of an empty time slot. She appeared to be free that day.
Marinette found herself beginning to wiggle with joy on her rolling chair as she switched back to the messaging app. This was going to be her first sleepover with her new friends! It would also be the first time going to one of their houses! What was Allegra’s house going to look like? Would it be a mansion like Gabriel Agreste’s? She hoped it didn’t have high walls.
Another text drew her thoughts back to her phone, where a message from Claude had just appeared.
TheBetterShakespeare: works for me! What time are we gonna come over?
DancingQueen: I was thinking right after school like usual
TrebleChild: Sounds good to me :)
Marinette perked up when Allan joined the conversation. That meant most of them were going to be there! All they needed now was Felix.
She began typing.
Our-Cinnamon-Roll: February eighth works great for me too! I’ll probably stop by the house for my clothes and stuff first though lol
DancingQueen: Of course! I can send a car by to pick you up if you want?
TheBetterShakespeare: Woohoo! Mari’s coming! All we need now is Felix
Our-Cinnamon-Roll: Oh, you don’t have to! I don’t mind walking
DancingQueen: Are you sure? The walking distance is pretty far, and I totally don’t mind sending a car! (no pressure though. If you wanna walk that’s also fine!)
Marinette pulled her lip between her teeth in thought. Whatever the walking distance, she could probably just swing over as Ladybug within a few minutes. That way, she didn’t have to bother Allegra. If she got there too fast as Marinette, though, they might be suspicious.. Well, not suspicious, but curious because getting there faster than her legs could possibly carry her would be odd.
Ugh, just take the car. She told herself. It’ll be easier than carrying your luggage around while swinging through the air anyway.
TrebleChild: You think Felix is going to respond on here?
Marinette glanced down at Allan’s text and frowned. That was a good question.
After the akuma, Felix seemed to shut down. He hardly uttered a word to anyone, even after they were sent home early from school. She supposed he tended to be quiet in the first place, but it just felt different. It was as though he were in some trance, lost in the distant corners of his mind. He wouldn’t even talk to her all that much. Not that she was someone special to him or anything. They just.. They normally exchanged more comments to each other than they did on the way out of the school. Either way, she’d be surprised if he actually texted them back that night.
TheBetterShakespeare: Oh he’s going to have to respond when I’m done
Claude’s reply caused Marinette to suck in a breath and cringe. Oh, what was he going to do to poor Felix now?
Allan and Allegra appeared to have the same thought, as they quickly texted back.
DancingQueen: Oh dear
Marshmallow Man: Uh oh
Our-Cinnamon-Roll: Claude, maybe you shouldn’t bother Felix. He already doesn’t like the group
TheBetterShakespeare: LET’S
TheBetterShakespeare: FLUSH
TheBetterShakespeare: HIM
TheBetterShakespeare: OUT
DancingQueen: Claude, please-
TheBetterShakespeare: I’M
TheBetterShakespeare: NOT
TheBetterShakespeare: STOPPING
Marshmallow Man: Dude
TheBetterShakespeare: UNTIL
TheBetterShakespeare: FELIX
TheBetterShakespeare: DECIDES
TheBetterShakespeare: TO
TheBetterShakespeare: SHOW
Rolling-Eye-Emoji: What do you want?!
TheBetterShakespeare: HIMSELF
TheBetterShakespeare: Oh hey Felix!
Although she felt extremely bad for the blond, Marinette had to purse her lips to avoid laughing. She could practically hear the growl in his voice, and the image of Felix’s signature glare flashed through her mind. He had to be so annoyed right now.
TrebleChild: I’m surprised you didn’t just delete the app again
Rolling-Eye-Emoji:You know, that’s a marvelous idea.
The BetterShakespeare: NOOOOO ALLAN SHUT UP
DancingQueen: lol we were wondering if you were free February eighth, Felix.
Rolling-Eye-Emoji: Free for what?
TheBetterShakespeare: Can’t you just tell us if ur free or not?
TrebleChild: for the sleepover at Allegra’s house
Rolling-Eye-Emoji: We’re still doing that?
TheBetterShakespeare: Absolutely!
Our-Cinnamon-Roll: If you’re up for it!
TheBetterShakespeare: Mari that statement was way too nice for Felix
TheBetterShakespeare: You gotta drag him kicking and screaming or he’ll never do anything!
Rolling-Eye-Emoji: Why don’t you take a guess as to why?
TheBetterShakespeare: because you don’t know how to have fun and it’s our job to teach you
TrebleChild: Claude, you’re never going to get him to the sleepover that way
Rolling-Eye-Emoji: Claude, you couldn’t teach a cat how to climb a tree, and I know how to have fun just fine.
Marinette snorted towards Felix’s reply. She often wondered how he managed to perfect his sarcasm and cutting remarks to a fault. Did he read a book on it somehow or was it just practice?
TheBetterShakespeare: RUDE
DancingQueen: lol Felix, are you free on the eighth or not?
Rolling-Eye-Emoji: ..I’d have to check my schedule.
TheBetterShakespeare: Don’t laugh at him Allegra!
DancingQueen: Hey, if it’s funny it’s funny lol
DancingQueen: Do that please, Felix
TheBetterShakespeare: Betrayal!! I can’t believe I was naive enough to trust you!
DancingQueen: Oh whatever. It’s not like you haven’t laugh at me before
Marinette chuckled as she continued to set up the silk fabric. She almost worried about using her sewing machine for it in case it ripped, but hand sewing it wasn’t an option either. That would take way too long, and she wanted to finish this for Claude as soon as possible. (without cutting corners of course)
“Oh!” She gasped, straightening in her chair. She hadn’t told Claude about the fabrics arriving yet! He’d probably want to know that.
Our-Cinnamon-Roll: Hey Claude, I almost forgot to tell you but your fabric arrived today!
TheBetterShakespeare: Really?!
Marinette smiled and stood up from her rolling chair to take a picture of the room. She then sent the picture to the group with an added message:
Our-Cinnamon-Roll: I could barely fit it all in my room!
The responses were immediate.
TrebleChild: WOAH
DancingQueen: CLAUDE
TrebleChild: you sent that much?!
TheBetterShakespeare: …
TheBetterShakespeare: I may have gotten carry away
Marinette giggled and shook her head.
Our-Cinnamon-Roll: PLEASE feel free to get carried away anytime you like, I’ve literally never been happier
DancingQueen: lol
TrebleChild: lol
TheBetterShakespeare: Will do! 😉
Marinette smiled and set her phone down again, before rolling her chair over to the other fabrics to pick another one out. Her phone buzzed as she rolled back, notifying her of the new additions to the group chat.
Rolling-Eye-Emoji: Mother said that the eighth of February would work fine.
Marinette let out a squeal. They were all going! This was going to be the best sleepover ever!
TheBetterShakespeare: Aw yisss group sleepover!!
TrebleChild : awesome, so we’re meeting right after school?
DancingQueen: Yep! Except for Mari who needs to go get her clothes. Did you want me to send you a car Mari?
Our-Cinnamon-Roll: If you don’t mind :)
DancingQueen: Nope! I’ll make sure to tell you when it’s on its way.
Our-Cinnamon-Roll: Thanks 😁
DancingQueen: Of course! See you guys at school tomorrow!
TheBetterShakespeare: See you Al!
TrebleChild: Bye A
Our-Cinnamon-Roll: See you tomorrow!
Marinette set her phone down and let out another squeal of excitement as she kicked her legs back and forth.
Her first group sleepover with everyone!
How do you make time go faster?
Tag List: @artbyknigit @athena452 @nickristus-dreamer @throneoffirebreathingbitchqueen @arsaem @abrx2002 @neakco @pawsitivelymiraculous @too0bsessedformyowngood @nathleigh @lusicing @officiallydarkgeek @all-mights-asscheeks @tbehartoo @woe-is-me0 @raeuberprinzessin @lazuli-11 @miss-chaos27 @trippingovermyfeet @sadpotatoondrugs @ladybug-182 @jaggedheart11 @marinahrasauce @i-need-blog-ideas @thewheezingbubbledragon @crazylittlemunchkin @unabashedbookworm @moonystars14 @sunflowers-and-mooncakes @2confused-2doanything @magnificentcrapposts @moonnette @nickristus-dreamer @vixen-uchiha @casual-darkness @luxmorningstarr @jjmjjktth @kaithehero @itsme1598 @theymakeupfairies @xjaccyx @miraculous-ninja @miraculouspenta @swiftie-miraculer13 @justafanwarrior @all-mights-asscheeks @ira-sairain @lookatthestars1 @dahjokester
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Sapere Aude - Part 13
Book: The Royal Heir
Pairing: King Liam Rys x Queen Riley Brooks
All characters belong to Pixelberry.
Catch Up Here
If you’re new to Sapere Aude, please click the link above to start from the beginning. There’s so much going on right now that you’ll be way too confused to start from this point. Plus, there are some major bombshells that won’t be as fun if you read this and get a bunch of spoilers.
Series Description: I developed a theory of what I think will happen in TRH Book 4, and I was encouraged by some very lovely people to turn my theory into a fic, so here it is. Basically, Riley is recruited to join the Via Imperii, this series will follow her as she joins them to try and bring them down from the inside, and all of the drama and bombshells she learns along the way. Sapere Aude is Latin for “dare to know” it seemed like an appropriate title.
Rating: PG-13 Adult language, discussions of death, conspiracy, blackmail, and other adult themes.
Trigger Warning: There is a brief moment of physical abuse, it’s not much, but I definitely wanted to mention it and give a fair warning.
Warning: The Royal Heir Book 3 Spoilers all over the place.
Disclaimer: I have no current affiliation with any other Via Imperii themed stories. Any claims that I have pre-read anything are false.
Word Count: 2,383
A/N: I know you’ve all been on the edge of your seats wondering what was going to happen, the answer is a lot. This is a pretty big chapter. I hope you enjoy!
Thanks to my pre-reading babes, @jessiembruno & @txemrn. And to @twinkleallnight for my lovely moodboard!
Tags: Listed below, hit me up to be added or removed.
“Um...actually, it’s about the queen. Your majesty, you need to come with me, and we need to send some additional guards along with us.”
Liam’s face paled at Thomas’s words. “Where is my wife, Thomas?” He kept his voice quiet, so that he wouldn’t upset his daughter but his tone was stern and authoritative.
“I believe she is at the old Fierro estate, and time may be of the essence.”
“Li, go. We’re all here, we can take care of Eleanor.” Drake chimed in.
Liam nodded. “Bastien, please send as many guards as you can immediately, and prepare the car for us. Thomas, go with him and tell him everything you know so that we can fill the team in.” Both men bowed and quickly exited the room. Liam walked over to Eleanor, sitting in the chair next to her. “Eleanor, I need to step out and pick up mommy, ok? Your auntie and uncles will be here to play with you until we get back.”
“Can I come with you?” She asked hopefully.
Liam took a deep breath before answering her. “I’m sorry princess, but I need to go by myself. But you have a very important job here. Since Valtoria is your home, you need to host our guests. Being a hostess is something you will need to do a lot when you become queen, so this will be wonderful practice. Do you think you’re up for it?”
She nodded her head rapidly. “Yes daddy, I will be the best hostess!”
“Good. Now go with Uncle Drake, and mommy and I will see you when we get home.” He pulled her into a hug, kissing her cheek as they pulled apart.
Eleanor ran to Drake, taking his hand and pulling him toward the door. “C’mon Uncle Drake, I’m the hostess.” Drake chuckled before looking back at Liam and giving him a reassuring nod.
Liam waited a few moments to make sure that Drake and Eleanor were out of his path before rushing out of the room and toward the front entrance. The car was waiting for him, Bastien holding the back door open for Liam to enter. He jumped in and Bastien shut the door behind him, quickly jumping into the driver's seat. The SUV’s wheels squealed as it rushed toward the gates.
“How far out are the guards?” Liam asked.
“We had a team training not too far from the estate, they should be arriving shortly. They have been briefed.” Bastien replied, looking at Liam through the rearview mirror.
“Excellent. Would someone care to brief me now? Where is my wife?” Liam commanded.
Bastien looked over at Thomas, who was seated next to him. “Thomas, please explain to his majesty the current situation.”
Thomas took a deep breath, his hands nervously balling into fists. “Of course. You see sir, there is an organization, the Via-”
Liam pinched the bridge of his nose, interrupting Thomas. “Thomas, please spare me. I know about the Via Imperii, Riley has been telling me about the meetings, the plans, everything.”
“Everything?” There was a slight crack in Thomas’s voice as he looked back at Liam. If she had told him everything, Liam knew who he was.
“Yes Thomas, everything, including our relationship. Right now, that is the last thing I am concerned with. I need you to tell me what they are doing to Riley, and what we need to do to get her out.”
“Unfortunately, I do not know much. I’m sure you were made aware of the conflict between her majesty and Lord Neville. Well it appears that he and Mara have lured her to the estate under the guise of a meeting with our chapter president. I don’t know what they are planning to do from there.”
Liam’s jaw clenched as he ran a hand through his hair. “Bastien, remind me again why we didn’t dismiss Mara after her charge, the queen, my wife, was kidnapped at our wedding? It seems like grounds for termination to me.”
“She went through a thorough re-training process, and passed all of the associated tests. It was determined that she was able to adequately perform her duties.” Bastien replied.
“Adequate is not acceptable for protecting the life of a Queen. We need exceptional as the bare minimum. She should have never been cleared to return to such a high profile duty. We will be having a meeting immediately to review protocol and standards.” The mixture of concern and rage swirling inside of Liam was becoming overwhelming, he was having trouble thinking straight. He turned to look out the window, taking deep breaths to regain some level of composure.
***
“Since rational discussion is not going to be an option here, I guess we’re going to have to go to plan b, elimination.” Neville said to Mara as they sat across from each other, Riley tied to the chair at the head of the table.
Riley laughed. “Sure, elimination. I bet that will work out great for you. It’s super easy to just make a reigning queen disappear.”
“We have been successful in doing it with two out of the last four queens. What do you think makes you so special?” Neville turned his attention to Riley, genuinely curious to know her reasons.
“Well first of all, Eleanor was in on the plan, so she doesn’t count, so it’s actually one out of four. And second, I’m sure Liam and the rest of the guards, the loyal ones,” she looked poignantly at Mara, “are on their way. I’ve been gone long enough that Liam has definitely already had them ping the location of my phone.”
Mara pulled a phone out of her pocket and waved it in front of Riley with a smug grin on her face. “It has been powered off since I pulled it from your pocket as you were getting into the car.” She placed it on the table and slid it toward Riley.
“Any more smart remarks?” Neville asked, standing from his seat. He approached Riley, taking her face in his hand and leaning in close. “The fairytale is over Riley, and the ending isn’t quite as happy as you thought.”
Riley could feel her nerves starting to take over. Yes, Liam would be missing her right now, but how was he going to find her? She felt her heart rate increase, trying to keep her composure. She had been through this before. For as much as she hated Anton, she had to give him credit, he was much better at this than Neville was. If she could survive that, she could figure out a way out of this.
She thought back to that night at the abandoned castle, she needed to channel that version of herself again. And she certainly couldn’t let Neville know he was getting to her. “What happened? You couldn’t find a woman to kiss you out of being a frog faced asshole? Or you did and it just didn’t work?”
“That’s enough!” the back of Neville’s hand abruptly met with Riley’s face, the force of the impact almost knocking the chair over. She moved her jaw back and forth several times, trying to assess the damage as best she could with her hands tied behind her back. “Mara, do we have anything to gag her with?”
Before she could answer, there was a knock at the door. Neville and Mara looked at each other in confusion, nobody else knew about the plan. “Well?” Neville raised his hands in frustration. “You’re the security guard, go assess the damn threat!”
Mara jumped to her feet and opened the door to find Eleanor on the other side. “Ah Mara, I heard you and Queen Riley had stopped by, I’m so glad I was able to catch you.” She didn’t wait for Mara to respond before brushing past her and entering the room. “Lord Neville, I didn’t know you would be using one of our meeting rooms today. You didn’t clear it through the proper channels. What have we got here?” Eleanor walked straight past Neville and went right to Riley. She took in her appearance, noticing a red mark on her cheek and a small trail of blood running down her face. Her eyes were watering, but she hadn’t shed a single tear. Eleanor was impressed by the strength she was showing under these circumstances. She gave Riley a subtle wink before taking a seat and motioning for Mara and Neville to do the same. “Now, should we talk about where you plan to take things from here, considering you clearly haven’t thought this scheme all the way through?”
“We’re going to do what this organization has done for years, eliminate the threat. Maybe we will be more successful in the king’s next social season, and get a cooperative queen in place.” Neville replied.
Riley took a shaky breath, but the idea of her being taken away from her family was too much for her to bear. The tears she had been holding back broke free, and she began sobbing. Eleanor walked back over to Riley and knelt down in front of her. “It’s alright dear, you aren’t going anywhere.” She placed a comforting hand on her shoulder before standing and turning her attention back to her captors. “Are you insane? Do you have any idea how much time and careful planning goes into enacting an elimination plan? You can’t just decide to kill the queen and expect that everything will go off without a hitch!”
As if on cue, the door burst open and several members of the King’s Guard entered with their weapons drawn. Mara immediately drew her weapon and aimed it at Neville. “Hands in the air, Lord Vancoeur.”
“Drop the weapon Mara.” One of the guards commanded.
Mara continued acting as if she was assisting in the rescue efforts, ignoring the guard’s warning. “I’m glad you guys got here, I was having trouble calling for backup to save the -”
A loud pop filled the room, Riley flinched, keeping her eyes closed for a moment. When she opened them, she saw Mara laying on the ground in a pool of blood as two guards rushed Neville and took him into custody. Two more pulled Eleanor away from Riley and forced her hands behind her back. “Stop!” Riley ordered, causing both guards to look up. “She is not a part of this, she was here rescuing me. Let her go.” The guards complied, and Eleanor went back to Riley’s side, quickly undoing the fastenings that bound her to the chair. As soon as she was free, Riley stood and rubbed each of her wrists before raising a hand to her face, gently placing it on the spot that Neville had hit, and moved her jaw back and forth a couple more times. She looked at Eleanor, her eyes welling up again. “You...you saved me.”
“Of course, dear. I told you I wouldn’t let them take you away from your family.” Riley wrapped her arms around Eleanor and pulled her into a hug. Eleanor could hear her hitched breathing and knew she had begun to cry. “It’s ok Riley, you’re safe now. Let’s go get you cleaned up.”
***
Liam was lost in his thoughts, watching the scenery go by as they neared the estate. The sound of Thomas’s phone ringing took him out of his thoughts. He quickly moved his attention to the front of the car, listening intently to Thomas’s answers to the person on the other end. They were simple, one word answers, and he was unable to read any kind of emotion in his voice. “Well?” Liam said, before Thomas had even fully moved the phone away from his ear. “Is Riley ok?” The seconds it took to get his response felt like an eternity for Liam.
“Yes your majesty, Riley is safe. Lord Vancoeur has been taken into custody, and Mara was killed. Queen Riley is safe and awaiting our arrival.”
Liam breathed a sigh of relief and leaned back in his seat. He was glad she was safe, but he needed to get there. He needed to see it for himself, to hold her, to kiss her. He needed to get her home where he could protect her.
The car pulled up to the front of the estate, and before it could come to a complete stop, Liam had jumped out and ran to the door. He burst into the estate frantically sticking his head into every doorway looking for her. Finally, he approached a large sitting area with a fireplace running, and there she was, silently watching the flames dance. “Riley? Love?”
Riley blinked a couple of times before turning and meeting Liam’s gaze. “Liam…” her voice was barely above a whisper as she slowly stood to greet him.
He rushed to her, immediately pulling her into his arms. He held her tightly as he kissed the top of her head. He pulled back, taking her face in his hands. The pressure of his touch on her still tender cheek made her wince in pain. Liam removed his hands and examined her face. “Riley, who did this to you?” He tried to keep calm, not wanting to cause her any more stress or pain.
“Stupid fucking Neville. I made some frog prince joke and he decided to heckle me with the back of his hand.”
Liam clenched his jaw, and took a deep breath. He would deal with Neville, but for now, he needed to be with his wife. “Riley, I am so sorry that you had to go through this. I should never have let you do this. It could have been so much worse.”
She placed her hand on his cheek, he noticed the marks on her wrist from the restraints, and turned his head to kiss them softly. “But it’s not, because Eleanor, your mother, saved me.”
“My...why would she do that?”
“Because I couldn’t let you lose her.” A lump formed in Liam’s throat at the sound of the voice behind him. He hadn’t heard it in years, but he had never forgotten it. He turned around and as soon as they locked eyes, he felt as if the wind had been knocked out of him. “Hello, Liam.”
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#choices#play choices#choices stories you play#pixelberry#choices fic writers creations#choices trr#choices trh#trr/trh#trr fandom#trh fandom#trr fanfic#trh fanfic#the royal romance#the royal heir#trh book 3#the royal finale#choices the royal romance#choices the royal heir#king liam#trr king liam#trh king liam#trr liam x mc#trh liam x mc#Sapere Aude#liam x riley
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𝐅𝐈𝐂 𝐏𝐀𝐆𝐄 | 𝐖𝐎𝐑𝐃 𝐂𝐎𝐔𝐍𝐓: 𝟐𝟔.𝟑𝐤
𝐍𝐁: 𝐚𝐥𝐜𝐨𝐡𝐨𝐥, 𝐛𝐨𝐝𝐲 𝐢𝐦𝐚𝐠𝐞, 𝐞𝐱𝐩𝐥𝐢𝐜𝐢𝐭 𝐥𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐮𝐚𝐠𝐞, 𝐬𝐞𝐱𝐮𝐚𝐥 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐭
A/N: As you’re all aware, the Philippines was hit by a category 5-equivalent super typhoon two weeks ago. The typhoon is the world’s strongest storm this year and has brought with it unimaginable destruction. Here’s a link to #RescuePH where you can read more about what’s happening in the Philippines right now. There are also donation links there! If you don’t have the means to donate – which is very understandable - here’s a link to a video to watch on YouTube where all ad revenue goes to those affected by the typhoon! I have learned so much about Filipino culture these last few months writing ST as well as gotten to know some incredible Filipinos along the way, and the news of the typhoon has rocked me to my core. If you feel like, you can play the video in the background while you’re reading this massive chapter! Enjoy the final chapter 🧡💛 I love you all so much!
Sunday, 9 August
“It’s a beautiful day out,” Y/N’s mother said as she looked out over Porthminster Beach, leaning her head back a little and letting a salty breeze rustle up her grey hair. “Shame we’re spending it in the shade.”
Y/N glanced up at the roof overhead that offered rescue in the sweltering summer sun. Though she loved the sun as well and wanted to spend as much time in it as possible before summer ended soon, she knew that this chat would have her sweating enough without them sitting out of the shade the Porthminster Beach Café provided. Y/N looked down at her iced lemon tea, inhaling slowly as to calm herself. All day yesterday, Y/N had been too anxious to do anything but stay in her room and think about today. While in the lighthouse the day before yesterday, Y/N had sent her mother a text message asking if the two of them could talk without her father or Dominic being present. She knew her mother would’ve told them by now where she was and what she was doing, but she appreciated the fact that she had listened to Y/N’s request and not brought them.
���Didn’t get to go to a proper beach this summer,” Mrs McKay went on, eyes on the sea and where the waves crashed softly against shore. “The family could’ve gone someplace nice, would’ve been good for us.”
Y/N didn’t say anything.
“Think we all just need a break. Go somewhere to forget about everything and reflect on our lives.”
Y/N still kept her mouth shut, knowing that she had to choose her words carefully so that her mother would fully understand.
“Do you remember when we went to that beach in Florida and you saw that sting ray?” Mrs McKay chuckled a little to herself.
“And I screamed for help ‘cause it scared me.”
Mrs McKay laughed some more at the memory, studying the beach some more. “That was truly something else. Not something you’d normally do.”
Y/N didn’t know what to say to that.
“Don’t you miss those days? When everything was simple?” Mrs McKay seemed to be completely lost in her own head and memories, thinking back to a time she had clearly glorified.
“I don’t…” Y/N trailed off, furrowing her brows. “I don’t think everything was that simple back then, or now, for that matter.”
“What do you mean?” Mrs McKay asked. “Don’t you think the family would benefit from taking some time off and just relax like we did back then?”
“It’s…” Y/N glanced at her iced tea. “I don’t know.”
“You don’t know if it would’ve been a good idea for the family to reconnect again?”
“I don’t know.”
“How can you not? We need to talk about everything that’s happened these past few months. And especially what happened two days ago, because your father and I agree, Y/N, that was very irresponsible of you, throwing yourself out of a moving vehicle like that.”
“I know it was, I’m aware,” she said. “But in that moment, and I think you know this deep down, that was the only solution. You wouldn’t have stopped to let me out.”
Mrs McKay sighed. “We should definitely think about that holiday I just suggested, it’d be nice.”
Y/N bit her bottom lip, studying her mother for a moment before she spoke for the first time in a few minutes. “I don’t… I don’t think it would be, Mum.”
“What do you mean?”
“It wouldn be nice to go on that holiday.”
Mrs McKay finally looked at her daughter, eyes following her outline slowly with a slight tilt to her head as if she was trying to assess what was best to say in this sort of situation. “The beach is always nice.”
“I wasn’t referring to the beach. I was referring to family time.”
Mrs McKay nodded her head slowly, bringing her glass of water up to her lips to take a slow sip.
“I think… I’ve wanted to talk to you about this for a while now. I think you’ve known it would happen as well.”
Her mother didn’t answer.
“I just… I just want to talk about everything and what’s gonna happen going forward. I don’t want there to be anything left unsaid after this.”
Mrs McKay kept her eyes on the table and nodded again. “Alright. What did you want to talk about?”
“Well… a lot, really.”
“Better start then.”
Y/N swallowed thickly, taking a quick sip of her iced tea before she turned her attention back on her mother, reaching for the ball of courage she had gathered from thinking about and getting ready for this the past two days. “I think ever since I was born, you’ve put pressure on me to live the kind of life you couldn’t when you were younger. When you got me, you saw possibility to make something right that you yourself hadn’t been able to.-”
“-That’s not true.”
“Let me finish. I think, until you got me, you were lonely. Dad wasn’t exactly a fucking dream-“
“-Watch your language.-“
“-And you didn’t really have any friends, so the second I was born, you finally had someone. You could do whatever you wanted with me. Or at least, that’s what you thought,” Y/N said. “You projected this image onto me of what you thought the perfect daughter, the perfect woman, would be, and ‘cause I was terrified of letting you and Dad down, I went along.”
“You’d never do that.”
“But I have. And I will.”
Mrs McKay furrowed her brows, but before she was able to say anything else – though she’d talk over people if she so had to, Y/N knew.
“I’ve been so conflicted, mum.” Y/N heard her own voice break, and it wasn’t till then that she realised that she was close to tears. The lines between Mrs McKay’s brows deepened at the sound. “Part of me hates you.”
Mrs McKay’s face fell at that.
“It hates you so much. It hates you for the days you told me you noticed I’d lost weight and how beautiful I now looked, it hates you for never being interested to listen to me talk about what I’m passionate about, it hates you for belittling said passions and making me feel stupid for having ambitions.”
“Y/N-“
“-It hates you for making me feel conflicted when I first followed my dreams, ‘cause I didn’t know if I was supposed to follow my own or the ones you’d laid out for me just to please you momentarily. Hates you for the trauma you caused me. For the countless hours spent in front of a mirror pointing out my flaws, and taking a really long time to realise that said flaws aren’t that. For hearing your voice in my head when I make a mistake, telling me how I should’ve known better.”
Now it was Mrs McKay’s turn to be stunned to silence, just watching Y/N with a steel face, refusing to show any sign of emotion.
“But…” Y/N dug her nails into her palms, telling herself that she could cry when she got back to the Inn, but not now. “But the other part of me, one that I hate most of all, still loves you.”
Mrs McKay’s lip was a thin line and Y/N recognised that face. That face appeared when her mother was unsure of how to feel about something, but by the looks of the slight tremor in her cheeks, Y/N knew her words had gotten through.
Y/N sobbed, hoping no one around them could hear and that no one she knew were around to witness this. “It loves you ‘cause you’re my mum. You brought me into this world, and you’ve stuck by me. You made me feel loved when I was younger, and I used to look up to you. You used to be my role model.”
Mrs McKay looked away.
“That part makes me feel so horrible, ‘cause how can you love someone who brought you so much self-loathing and misery? How is that possible?” Y/N was quick to wipe away the tear on her cheek. “But I do. I can’t erase that or you from my memory. Part of me is going to miss you after this.”
Mrs McKay met Y/N’s eyes. “What do you mean?”
“I don’t want you to contact me again. None of you. Not you, not Dad, not Dominic.”
Mrs McKay looked absolutely dumbfounded. “I beg your pardon?”
“You three brought me so much torment I don’t want you in my life anymore.”
“Y/N, you’re being ridiculous-“
“-If you want to contact me or meet me, you have to ask me via text message if I am okay with that. If I say yes, that only makes it a one-time thing, we are not going to stay in contact after it. If I say no, don’t try to persuade me, manipulate me, or make me feel bad about it. I’m pushing you out of my life for a reason.”
“Try to think rationally for once-“
“-If you do not respect this and come after me again, I’ll file a restraining order against you, Dad, and Dominic. Won’t look too good on Dad’s record now, will it?”
Mrs McKay just sat there staring again.
“Do you understand what I’m saying?”
Mrs McKay didn’t react.
“Do you?”
“Yes.”
Y/N nodded then, picking up her iced tea and hoping her mum didn’t see how her hand was trembling slightly.
“You don’t want any contact with your family? The people who are supposed to love you unconditionally-“
“-You might love me, but it’s not in a way that’ll help me grow. Which is what love is all about. St Ives and the people I’ve met here, those are my family. This is home now.”
Mrs McKay took a few moments to think before she said, with a voice so ice cold it made Y/N’s hair stand on end, “You can’t choose your family. You’re put into this world- you’re placed somewhere, where you belong.”
“No. Family and belonging are not synonymous. You are my birth family, but I can choose who I consider to be in my closest circle, the people that mean the most to me,” Y/N said. “You are not that.”
A short silence stretched out between them before Mrs McKay said, “What about your father’s business? The one he inherited from his father, your grandfather.”
“What about it?” Y/N asked. “You never even bothered to tell me what it is.”
“Oh, it’s got something to do with electronic pins. You know those you have in your phone?”
Y/N just looked at her mother.
“I’ve never bothered to ask much, Y/N, it hasn’t ever been very interesting to me.”
“Maybe it would’ve been to me if you’d just let me in on it from the start instead of assuming I was too dim to take on the role as CEO.”
Mrs McKay’s eyes narrowed as if she was about to protest, but she must’ve realised her daughter was speaking the truth because she did not object.
“Can’t Dad just let someone else be CEO? Someone who is actually good at their job instead of giving the job away to Dominic?”
“Dom is qualified for the role.”
“Sure, but he’s also a fucking arsehole.”
Mrs McKay winced at Y/N’s words.
“Mum, you never even wanted me to know what Dad was doing. Let alone want me to take over for him. It’s never been a problem before that I won’t take over after him, dunno why it would be now.”
Mrs McKay just looked at Y/N, their conversation on replay in her head it seemed because she was conflicted. For the longest time, they just stared at one another and realised what this meant. Y/N had been ready for this conversation for a while now, even though she hadn’t realised how badly it needed to be had till this very second. Mrs McKay, nor the other two that had come here, had truly known how Y/N felt before last night. What Y/N had said along with her actions must have spoken volumes. But this, Y/N was aware, took the cake. She was telling her mother, a person who had given up next to everything for Y/N in a sense, to never contact her again unless she had to. It had to sting, and Y/N knew that she would miss her mother sometimes. Those moments when they’d laugh at something together or those early years where Y/N remembered idolising her mum. She’d miss that. But she would also be so much happier without her in her life.
“Well,” Mrs McKay said, voice trembling. “I should be heading back to your dad. He won’t be too happy about the news.”
“Mum, you can leave him.”
The pitiful smile that graced Mrs McKay’s face after that made Y/N cringe. “I won’t.”
Y/N nodded, watching as her mother got up from her seat. She did as well, giving her mother a small smile to offer some peace, to tell her that it would all be okay. At least in Y/N’s world. Y/N could tell that her mother hesitated at first, but once she stepped forward with her arms spread wide, Y/N walked straight into her embrace. They hugged each other tighter than they had ever hugged before, savouring this last, this peaceful moment that they had together.
“Goodbye, Y/N,” her mum said, rubbing her daughter’s back.
“Bye, Mum.”
They stepped away from one another and her mother smiled at her again. Y/N swore she could see tears welling up in her mother’s eyes, but she chose not to point it out, fully aware that she was about to cry herself. Mrs McKay drank the rest of her water, looked one last time into Y/N’s eyes, and then walked past her, down the stairs, and out of sight.
Monday, 10 August
The teapot was empty and all the biscuits were gone, meaning that Florence, Camila, and Barb were leaving The Roaming Crab Inn. The five of them had been knitting for hours now, and though Y/N had finished her project a while ago, she wanted to spend some more time with the knitting ladies before doing what she had to do. Florence folded the jumper she was working on and Barb hummed some sort of melody while Camila talked everyone’s ears off.
“I’m telling you,” Camila said, putting away her glasses. “The sleeves on this dress are way too big.”
“No, they’re not.” Bessie got up from her seat and walked over to Camila, taking the baby doll lemon dress out of Camila’s hands. Lowering her glasses onto the tip of her nose, she took a closer look. “How many were you supposed to cast off?”
“Three.”
“But then this is correct, isn’t it?”
“I suppose,” Camila sighed, taking hold of the dress when Bessie gave it back to her.
“Besides, your granddaughter won’t notice if you did the sleeves wrong.”
Camila looked right up at Bessie with narrowed eyes. “So, you admit I made a mistake?”
“No, I just pointed out that if you did, your granddaughter would hardly see it.” Bessie turned back around to go sit down in her chair, meeting Y/N’s eyes and making a grimace as to say that whatever Camila had just knitted, couldn’t have been correct. She sat back down again as Y/N gathered all the cups and the biscuit tray, carrying it all back inside to the kitchen where she put it in the dishwasher.
“Bye, darling,” Barb smiled as she walked past the kitchen. “Your cardigan’s looking wonderful.”
“Thank you, Barbara. See ya,” Y/N smiled, walking upstairs to put on her green woollen jumper. It was getting rather cold out as evening approached, and though Y/N had just finished knitting her summer project, it wasn’t hers to wear. Looking out the window, she saw the glass with a bouquet of dead flowers still standing in her windowsill. She didn’t have the heart to throw it away since doing so would be like binning the last piece of this summer she still had left. Forcing herself to look away, Y/N blinked away the stinging in her eyes as she started walking back down the stairs and the back garden.
All the other ladies had gone, meaning that it was just Y/N and Bessie left. Bessie still sat knitting, smiling at Y/N as she stepped outside.
“Want me to make another brew?” Y/N asked, adjusting her white summer dress under her oversized jumper.
“No, me lover, that’s quite alright. Thank you, though.”
Y/N smiled, sitting back down in her seat and picking up the cardigan. She was picking at some threads that were poking out, some of the many flaws in her first ever knitting project, when Bessie put her vest down and glanced over at her. Y/N looked back at her, raising her eyebrows ever so slightly.
“Is something the matter?” Y/N asked.
“You tell me.”
Y/N huffed, looking back down at her cardigan. “Depends what you’re referring to, I guess.”
Bessie sighed a bit, putting the vest on the table before them. “You haven’t spoken about that chat you had with your mum yesterday.”
Y/N inhaled slowly. “It was a lot to process.”
“We got time.”
Looking up at the older woman again, Y/N was greeted with one of Bessie’s signature warm smiles.
“I told her that I don’t want her, Dad, or Dominic to ever contact me again. She got a bit defensive, but she agreed not to contact me unless necessary.”
Bessie nodded her head slowly. “Do you think she’ll keep that promise?”
“She will, I’m less certain about Dad and Dom.”
Bessie huffed, leaning back against the back of her chair. “That’s men for you, never listen to what a woman has to say.”
“The right ones do.”
Bessie laughed, making Y/N smile a little. “Talking from experience, are you?”
Y/N hoped Bessie couldn’t see her cheeks heat up, but she was sure she noticed, hearing the older woman chuckle heartily before silence settled over them once again.
“You know,” Bessie started, knitting her vest again. “When I was younger, I drew the conclusion that family isn’t always blood and who you’ve spent the most time with. No, family is who makes you feel at home, who makes you feel safe, and loved.”
Y/N looked over at Bessie, biting her bottom lip as it threatened to wobble again.
“Family is who you make it. You don’t owe your parents anything. They might’ve brought you into this world, but they didn’t give you life, you did that yourself. When you decided to leave them, when you came here, when you applied for your UCAT, when you met Harry and everyone else. That’s life. You chose life.”
Y/N couldn’t help her smile, her sight getting blurrier with each passing second, but she didn’t really care just then.
“I’m so proud of you for doing that. It takes a lot of courage to follow your dreams, especially when the environment around you tells you that said dreams aren’t worth it,” Bessie said. “But, you have to remember this, they always are. Every dream is worth it. It’s okay to feel sad after making the right decision.”
A sob escaped Y/N’s lips and Bessie looked up at once, putting the vest away to focus her attention on Y/N who was now full on crying. She hadn’t known how much she needed to hear those words till Bessie finally said them. Holding onto Bessie’s hand for dear life, Y/N looked into the innkeeper’s eyes, trying to smile again, but she couldn’t.
“Bessie, thank you,” Y/N said between sobs. “Truly, thank you so much.”
“You don’t have to thank me, Y/N. I love you; I love how far you’ve come.”
Y/N brought a hand up to her mouth, stopping a loud sob from coming out from between her lips. “I don’t know what to do now,” she said once she had calmed down a little. “I don’t know where to go, what to do, how I’m gonna handle University when the time comes. Like, I’ll be 26 by that time and everyone who’s starting will be almost ten years younger than me. It feels like everyone’s sprinted this marathon since forever, and I’ve fallen over and struggled to get up so many times that I’ve fallen behind. I don’t know how I’m gonna get back into the race, you know? I can’t win.”
Bessie pondered over Y/N’s words, watching her intently as she wiped more tears away from her face. “You can still win, Y/N. And even if you don’t win, you still did everything you could, and that’s just as good as winning, is it not?”
Y/N shrugged her shoulders, looking down at her and Bessie’s joined hands.
“Life doesn’t wait for you. It doesn’t force you to do anything, it just drags you along on a journey and it’s your responsibility to do what you want with your time on earth. You are still so young, you have so much time to do whatever you wanna do. If you lost your youth to controlling parents, abuse, a partner you thought truly loved you but didn’t, if you lost your youth to mental illness, your life isn’t over. There’s no deadline for anything like that in life. If you wanna go to uni now, five-none years after everyone else you know went to uni, then that’s what you’re gonna do. Who says you have to be a certain age, or at a certain stage in your life, or be satisfied with how you look, act, feel, before doing something that ultimately will make you happy? That will make your life worth living? No, life isn’t gonna wait for you to catch up, no one will, but it’s gonna give you opportunities to right your wrongs, to do what will bring you happiness. There’s no deadline, you still have time.”
Y/N met Bessie’s eyes again and the older woman smiled at her, squeezing her hand reassuringly.
“All the time in the world,” Bessie said.
“I just don’t know what to do. I just… this feels like home, but after everything that happened last Friday, I’m not sure people want me here.”
“Oh, we do,” Bessie said firmly. “People might not have been happy with you, but they won’t love you any less. This is still your home, Y/N.”
Y/N smiled.
“We are your family now, Y/N. If you need a mum, I’ll be your bloody mum.”
Y/N laughed, leaning forward and bringing Bessie into a hug. Out of everything she had done in the last few days, this was definitely a moment Y/N thought she would cherish forever. This entire summer, Bessie had stood by her. No matter what, Bessie had been beside Y/N, ready to help whenever she needed guidance, and Y/N was unsure if she had ever met someone so willing to love as Bessie. She clung a little tighter onto Bessie, feeling another tear roll down her cheek. “I love you.”
“I love you, too, darling,” Bessie said, a smile in her voice. “Now, all you need to do is revise for the UCAT and give that cardigan to its rightful owner, eh?”
Y/N therefore took the cardigan with her up to her room and sat down by her desk. Though she was sure Harry was home, she was unsure if she’d have the courage to actually knock on the door and give it to him. It’d be better if she just left it there for him, though she knew that would also just look very weird. After everything, she had to face Harry, she was just unsure of how it was all going to play out. It took her a while to find the right words, and once she was done with her final draft letter, she put it on the desk beside the pile of disqualified letters, getting up to find her things and get ready for the trip to the lighthouse. With her stomach hurting from nerves, she put the cardigan in the tote bag, struggling to fit it as she reached for the desk, picking up the letter and shoving it into the tote bag.
With her tote bag on her shoulder, she started on her walk to the lighthouse. She had no idea what Harry would say when she showed up, if he would even allow her to enter his cottage at all. The three days that had passed since the end of summer party felt like ten years each, time had never moved slower. Y/N had waited for this moment for a while now. She had tried to gather the courage she would need for this. But, she kept telling herself this, if she managed to meet her mum and confront her about everything and told her, her dad, and Dominic to stay away from her, then she could walk to Clodgy Point and hand Harry a bloody cardigan. How hard could it be?
However, with each step she took that led her closer to the lighthouse, Y/N felt almost just as anxious, if not worse, than when she walked to meet her mother. There was something about facing Harry after everything that made her mouth dry up. She had absolutely no idea if he would want to see her again after everything, if he could even bear the sight of her after all she put his family and loved ones through. Not only had her father showed up to Jessa’s farm, but Harry had also been violently slammed against his own car and gone into hypo not long after. The mess that had been last Friday had made them both go through emotions neither thought would be possible to endure at once and during one single evening. She wondered if Harry knew she had been to the lighthouse and done the weather reports that night and the following morning.
Walking along Fore Street, Y/N gazed into the shops on either side of the pedestrian street, taking in life in St Ives as she didn’t know what would happen after today. She was originally set to check out of the Inn that morning, August 10th, but Bessie told her it would be alright if she wanted to leave by train later that day. Y/N didn’t know yet where she wanted to go or how far that would be, but all she knew was that she had to be in Plymouth on September 10th to take the UCAT. Besides that, her future looked to be very blurry. It all depended on what happened when she arrived at the lighthouse.
But as she strolled up the hill to Clodgy Point, she didn’t see Harry’s yellow van. Though this was weird at first, she tried to tell herself that he was still home. There hadn’t been a single time that summer when she’d shown up to Harry’s cottage and he hadn’t been there. He was always there.
Knocking on the door though, left Y/N standing there in silence for a single minute, the wild wind, seagulls, and sun overhead the only things keeping her company. She knew it was none of her business looking through the windows into his cottage, but she had to know if he was just ignoring her or if he really wasn’t there. She walked to the side of the house, looking in through the window just beside his bed, the one placed right beside the dining table. The place was empty. Sighing, she walked back over to the door and took her tote bag off her shoulder. She placed it in front of the door, hoping the wind wouldn’t blow it away, and then she got up and walked back the way she came.
It had been stupid to go there in the first place. Of course he wouldn’t be completely by himself after the hypo he had just a few days ago. His family and loved ones would most likely not allow him to be anywhere out of sight till they knew he was alright. Y/N refused to let her eyes start to sting again even though she could feel it coming on. The last few days she had been crying more than she ever had before. She never used to be a big crier, but something about being in St Ives and something about everything, the atmosphere and everyone in this town made her feel much more than before. It made her feel. It made her want.
Returning to the Inn, it was getting much darker out and Cornwall would soon be embraced once again by night. Y/N tried to look for Bessie inside, but the older woman must’ve gone home for a bit because she was nowhere to be seen. Y/N walked back up the steps and to her room, rummaging through her purse for her keys for what could be the last time. It seemed to take more time than usual and she groaned at herself, finding it harder to look for anything when it was so dark everywhere. The dim lighting of the stairs made her stop for a second. Taking a second to just narrow her eyes and get a closer look, Y/N was suddenly able to make out what it was she was seeing.
Bluebells, sea pinks, and hedgerow cranesbills laid neatly right before the door to her room. And though it looked almost just like the bouquets he had made her earlier, this one was almost entirely purple and made out of bellflowers. Y/N reached for it, picking it up and bringing it closer to her face, running her fingers over the soft petals gently as she felt her heart begin to pick up speed. It was as she smelled the flowers that she realised what this meant. Her eyes shot up and she just stared straight ahead at her door as she started breathing fast. He had been here. Harry had stopped by while she was walking to the lighthouse, dropping off the bouquet.
There was no time for hesitation as Y/N shot up into a standing position, running downstairs just as Bessie came back to the Inn.
“Oh! Hello, dear-“
“-Harry’s been here?” Y/N panted, standing in the doorway with the bouquet still in her hand.
Bessie’s eyes fell to the colourful flowers before she met Y/N’s eyes again. “He has.”
“When? Was it long ago?”
“Can’t remember, my darling, I just remember seeing his yellow car outside and there he was.” Bessie tutted softly. “It’s about to fall to pieces, that car of his.”
“You didn’t talk to him?”
A small smile spread out over Bessie’s lips as if she understood exactly what was going on. “I did.”
Y/N raised her eyebrows impatiently. “And?!”
“He asked where you were.”
Y/N waved her hands frantically to get Bessie to tell her what she’d told him in return.
“Told him you’d gone to the lighthouse to find him.”
Y/N ran a hand over her face, inhaling hugely. “Alright. Okay. Deep breaths.”
Bessie watched the younger woman with amusement, cocking her head a little to the side as a knowing smile spread out over her face.
“I… I need to leave. I need to go,” Y/N said. “If he shows up again, tell him I’ll wait.” She ran over to the other side of the street as the sky overhead was a slight darkening blue, tinges of purple and pink along the horizon. She stopped as she got a glimpse of the lighthouse, finally seeing the light. A light that would guide her where she needed to be. And with that, Y/N set off. By Porthminster beach, through Fore Street, flying past slow walkers, running straight for Clodgy lighthouse. She felt the bouquet fall apart, leaving flowers along her path through St Ives in a desperate attempt to get to Harry. To get where she needed and where she was supposed to be.
Though it had been a trek walking up the stone path before, Y/N ran up it with ease this time around. She could see the lighthouse blinking its distinct pattern, could make out some light within the cottage along with the yellow van. A breath left her and her heart began to soar, that shred of hope that had been born from seeing the bouquet in the hotel blossomed. Out of breath and probably very sweaty, Y/N knocked on the door of the cottage. However, like last time, no one opened. So, Y/N tried again, but same luck this time around. She walked out onto the moors and squinted her eyes, trying to look about to see if she could make out Harry’s figure.
“Harry!” she shouted, whipping her head around in different directions to see where he was. “Harry!” She ran beyond the cottage, trying to make out anything, anything at all, against the flat moors. “Where are you?!”
“Y/N!”
It came from overhead. As if an angel was flying just high enough for the wind to carry some of his voice, but low enough so that Y/N could hear him clearly. Turning around, Y/N was sure she was seeing just that, an angel. Harry was standing on the gallery deck of the lighthouse, looking down at her. At the sight of him, Y/N felt an intense tingle go through her entire body. It was an overwhelming sort of happiness, unlike anything she’d ever felt before, and it surrounded her, made the air around her static with anticipation and adoration. The sky behind him was darkening so she couldn’t make out his face, but she would be able to do just that soon enough.
Smiling to herself, she ran for the door. She pulled it open and let it slam behind her as she ran up the steps. Past the office, past the bedroom, past everything, till she made it to the very top. Panting and thighs burning, she opened the door on the topmost floor. The ladder to the bell room stood to her right, but she turned left and walked out onto the gallery deck where she’d seen Harry.
There he stood, right under the blinking light. He was looking at her with his lips slightly parted, hair as unkempt as usual, and a look of relief and shock on his face. They were left there just staring at each other for a little while, neither of them able to voice what they had been thinking about for the last three days. Everything from her jumping out of the car to get him, to helping him with his hypo, to doing the weather report, to talking to her mum, and the cardigan. The cardigan. Y/N was ashamed of how long it had taken her to notice it, she blamed the darkening sky above them.
Harry was wearing the colourful square cardigan she had knitted him and placed in front of his door. The one she had put there not even an hour earlier along with her note. Biting her lips together, she let her eyes wander his body. She took in the Elton John tee shirt he was wearing and the loose light washed denim jeans along with his black Vans. But her eyes lingered on what he was holding in his hand. Her heart skipped a beat and her breath halted. Their eyes met again, and Harry’s jaw was now working, trying to find the right words as he so rarely did.
“What’s that?” she asked him in a small voice, gesturing at his hand.
He looked down at it before looking up at her again, holding it up for her to see. A book. And not just any book. Mrs Dalloway by Virginia Woolf. Her favourite book by her favourite author. The one she had been reading to him in the field beside the lighthouse all summer. Her eyes began to sting again and she wondered once again how many times she would find herself crying in the span of just a couple of days.
“I, uhm…” He looked at it, opening it on the page where he rested his finger. “I just got to this bit right here- I mean, the whole book is rather confusing ‘cause of the whole stream of consciousness thing going on, but…” He pointed a finger at the line he’d been reading. “This right here made sense. Very much.”
The light from the lighthouse continued to shine its pattern across the coast before and around them, making some of Harry temporarily light up. It just strengthened her argument from before, that he was an angel.
“’Nothing is so strange when one is in love,’” Harry said.
“’As the complete indifference of other people,’” Y/N finished and Harry looked up at once, taken aback by her interruption but not at all offended.
He nodded his head slowly. “Yeah.” A few moments passed before he said, with such a soft voice it felt like a caress against Y/N’s skin, “I dunno what’s really going on in that book, to be fair, but… but I understood that. That line made sense.”
“It’s not the best book to start off on if you’re getting into Woolf’s work.”
“Yeah, alright, but I had to, didn’t I?”
“Did you?”
“Yeah, ‘cause it’s your favourite. It-“ He stopped himself, swallowing thickly as he shut the book again and kept eye contact with her. “It was a piece of you. I…” He inhaled slowly. “I didn’t know when I’d see you next- if I ever would again, and… Mrs Dalloway and Woolf just… It reminded me of you. It was a piece of you.”
Y/N wanted to walk closer to him.
“It was all those moments spent out in the field listening to you read it out loud, or just watching you while you did so. I…” He shrugged. “I might not know what’s going on in the book, but I don’t really give a fuck ‘cause if reading it will somehow bring me back to that and back to you, then I’ll bloody well do it.”
Her eyes fell to the book, biting her lips together before glancing up into his eyes again.
“I just wanted a moment. Whatever moment. A single moment with you. I’ve been so… so desperate these last few days,” he said, letting go of a small, but shaky breath. “I just wanted to be. Wanted to be with you. In whatever form, whatever I could get. Just be. Just exist in a place, in a memory, where I was in your presence.”
“Harry-“
“-And if you’re here to say goodbye… I just need this one. This moment. I just need to take it in. I just need to live with you for some seconds.”
Her lips fell apart even more and she furrowed her brow slightly. “Did you not read the letter I left with the cardigan?”
Harry pulled the book up again, tapping his finger against something resting between the cover and the first page. Was he using it as a bookmark?
“So, you read it?”
“’I’ve been knitting this all summer, it looked more like something that would fit you than me. The colours reminded me of you and how you made me feel. Love, Y/N.’”
Ignoring the fact that he had memorised the letter, she groaned slightly, scratching at her neck as she kept her eyes on the letter.
“Well… then I put one of the draft letters with the cardigan.”
Harry frowned.
“I didn’t know what I wanted to say to you, I wrote like 500 draft letters before I actually landed on something like ‘I’ll be at the Inn, please come see me’, but it doesn’t seem like I put that one in there.”
“No,” he said quickly. “You didn’t.”
“But then I saw the bouquet outside my door and Bessie said you’d dropped by. And since we hadn’t talked in days, I didn’t know what you thought of me and everything that had happened.”
“Grace told me. Dax, too.”
She just looked at him.
“Gracie told me you arrived with blood on your elbow and knee, that you helped wake me up, and Dax…” Harry sighed. “Well, he said he knew there was something going on, but he realised that, though we had been faking it, he knew then, just by watching you fuss over me and run for the lighthouse, that you actually cared about me. And he knows me well enough to just see it plainly on me that I have feelings for you, too.”
Y/N didn’t really know what to say. It was true. She cared about him. So very much. But she hadn’t thought about how it would look to Grace and Dax who had, mere hours before, heard that Harry and Y/N’s relationship had been a lie since the start.
“I… Y/N, I wanted to come to the Inn. I’ve wanted to see you ever since Friday, but Jessa wouldn’t let me out of sight and told me to rest for at least a day. And then, on Sunday, I went to the Inn but Bessie said you were out. So… I tried again today, but I wanted to make sure you knew I’d been by in case you were out again, so I left the bouquet.” His eyes fell to her hand, a small smile on his lips. “With bellflowers.”
When Y/N looked down onto her hand again where there had once been a beautiful bouquet. She remembered how she had felt flower upon flower split from between her fingers as she ran for the lighthouse, they were strewn along the path up to the lighthouse now. There was only a single one left in her hand. A bellflower.
“And I made you that cardigan,” Y/N said, looking up at him again. “It’s not perfect. There some faults here and there, a few holes, it’s a bit fucked-“
“-I don’t care,” Harry blurted out. “I like that it’s a bit fucked. I like when you can see the progress, when you can tell that someone’s struggled, but it’s turned out alright. I love it.”
Y/N couldn’t help her smile. She looked down at the flower in her hand, feeling herself clutch it a little tighter, not wanting to let it go.
“Do you…” Harry trailed off, watching her as she met his eyes again. “No, forget it.”
“No, what?”
“It’s stupid, really-“
“-Nothing’s ever stupid, Harry, what’s on your mind?”
“Well…” He shrugged his shoulders, looking down at the bellflower in her hands. “Do you remember when we were on the beach and we talked about your favourite books and started to discuss whether or not destiny is real?”
There was no hesitation before Y/N nodded, remembering every single moment of this past summer in vivid detail.
“You said you believe balance and energy, that you get what you deserve based on what you’ve done, right?”
“Yeah.”
“And I believe that the universe brings us someplace or something ‘cause it’s already got this perfectly sculptured plan for us, where we’re supposed to end up.”
“Yeah.”
“I’ve thought about that conversation these past few days, ‘cause…” He thought for a few seconds, finding his words. “I think we got what we deserved.”
Y/N frowned. “What do you mean?”
“We lied to everyone. We lied to people we love, to ourselves, and… the universe didn’t want us to lie. It didn’t want us to fake it.”
She tightened her hold on the bellflower, more wind blowing past them where they stood at the top of the lighthouse, the lamp shining its familiar sequence above them.
“Y/N, we’ve done it all wrong. We got what we deserved ‘cause we didn’t do it right.”
“What are you saying?”
“Our theories? You with your energy and balance and me with destiny? It’s all connected, don’t you understand?”
She just looked at him, too awestruck to think clearly.
“You’re right, we did the universe wrong so it got back at us by having our worlds fall apart around us last Friday. And destiny… well, we met and we did it wrong.”
“Then what would’ve been the right way?”
“To never have initiated the fake relationship at all. We should never have done it.”
A small pang of hurt erupted in Y/N’s chest and she furrowed her brows slightly. “Then we wouldn’t have really met each other, though.”
“But we would’ve. I ran into you; I shouldn’t have asked you to be my fake girlfriend. If I had just asked you out…” Harry let out a breathy chuckle. “Who the fuck am I kidding? I wouldn’t have done that; I was way too nervous around you then.”
Y/N felt her cheeks heat up and she hoped Harry couldn’t tell how flustered she was.
“It was wrong of us to do it.”
“It wasn’t.”
“But it was, Y/N,” Harry said. “’Cause… it was never fake. Not really. We pretended to be a couple, but… it was never fake, not for me. My feelings for you, they’re not, and have never been, fake or a lie.” He took a small step forward, lips parted for a moment before he spoke again. “Every time I’ve touched you, or done something affectionate, or acted like someone who might be in love with you, it’s because I was. I am.”
A breath left her lips and her heart beat out of her chest, a rush of ecstasy flowing through her veins so quickly it made her dizzy with happiness.
“I’m in love with you. I… I’m so immeasurably in love with you, Y/N, that every moment without you, or any moment when I don’t have you close to some capacity, is insignificant. Woolf is right about that. Everything is much more important, I feel so much more than I did before you, all my senses are heightened, but I feel the most for you. It’s been like that for a while now.”
Y/N walked over to him, eyes on his before she looked down at the bellflower between them. “I didn’t…” She bit her lip for a second. “I didn’t really know what love was till I came to St Ives. I knew what it was to kind of love someone, I know that… to some degree I love my mum. I cared about Dominic, and I even loved Dad when I was little.” She glanced up again. “But I’ve never felt love like this. I’ve never been on the receiving end, never loved as much as I’ve done this summer. I feel so full of it. You know when you fill a bucket or a glass or anything with water, and the second it pours over the brim, the water envelopes it? That’s how this summer has felt.”
Harry smiled a little, his right dimple showing.
“You showed me what it means to love and be loved in return, that is what we’re put on this planet to do. What is life if you’re not loved and you don’t love?”
He just looked at her, eyes tracing her face and taking in each one of her features.
“It was never fake, Harry. Never.” The smile on his face disappeared and a shaky breath slipped from between his lips. “I’ve been falling in love with you all summer. I didn’t even realise how hard and fast it had happened till you kissed me at Porthgwidden Beach,” she said. “Even… Even if you kissed me just for show.”
Harry closed his eyes and shook his head quickly before he looked at her again, not sure if he’d heard her correctly. “What?”
“You kissed me-“ She stopped herself, tilting her head at him. “You kissed me to show off that we were a couple… right?”
“No, I didn’t,” he said. “Didn’t you hear what I just said? Everything I’ve ever done has never been for show. Nothing was a lie. I wanted to kiss you at Porthgwidden. I had wanted to kiss you for a while.”
“Really?”
“Yeah, Y/N, I always want to kiss you,” Harry admitted. “Always.”
She couldn’t help her slight smile. “Nothing was for show?”
“Nothing.”
“Everything was real?”
He looked down, finger tracing the petals of the bellflower in her hand. “We’re real, flower. Our feelings are real.”
“Then… if you always want to kiss me,” Y/N said, voice low and filled with purpose. He looked up at her quickly. “Why aren’t you kissing me right now?”
Another breath left Harry’s lips and he ended up just staring at her. The entire summer flashed before them as their eyes drifted from each other’s eyes to their lips and back up again. Them running into one another, going to Grace’s birthday, the kamayan on the beach, and everything that followed. Her reading to him in the grass, looking up every now and again to catch him watching her, a tinge of pink on his cheekbones as he looked away, doing his best to hide his smile which in turn made it impossible for Y/N to hide hers. Everything passed between them in those seconds where Y/N waited for him to kiss her. It was a whole summer of miscommunication, wrong-doings, and making up for mistakes, everything had come to this.
Harry raised his hand, slowly sliding his thumb over her cheek before he settled his fingers at the nape of her neck. They leaned into one another, resting their foreheads together and for a little moment, they just stood there. She let him hold onto her as she moved to slide her hands up his back, still holding onto the bellflower. Y/N glanced upward, the lamp of the lighthouse turning on. Seeing the light, she felt peace run through her. This was exactly where she was supposed to be.
Looking back at Harry, her eyes lingered on his lips before she met his eyes again. With that, he leaned in, and pressed his lips softly against hers. The light overhead turned on again and Y/N knew, without a shadow of a doubt, this was home. The taste of Harry’s lips, his hands on her neck and hips, his breath against her cheek; just having him in her presence, that was where she belonged.
They detached their lips for a short second, eyes meeting. “You’re staying?” he asked.
“I’m staying,” she answered. “If you want me to.”
There was a slight pause where they just looked at one another. She saw a smile form on Harry’s lips before he leaned in again, kissing her more fiercely. She felt his smile against her lips, making her smile back, unable to help herself. Harry tried to widen their lips so his tongue could trace hers, but their smiles were too wide, and their teeth ended up sliding against one another, making Y/N laugh and Harry giggle. They opened their eyes again, just looking at one another and smiling until they calmed down, kissing one another again.
This time, Harry managed to open their mouths in unison, tongues gliding against one another, and they were finally able to taste one another again. Nothing else mattered as they drew out the kiss, letting the heavenly rush that was going through their bodies in that moment take over completely. They were buzzing with electricity, shining like a star where they stood joined together. Y/N was sure that the lamp inside the lighthouse could go out, and her and Harry would light up the entire world and guide everyone who needed help, home.
She slung her arm around his neck, the hand clutching the bellflower rested on his shoulder and they deepened the kiss. It was the happiest moment of her life, standing there, at the top of the lighthouse, with Harry. There would be nothing like this ever. Everything had led to this. It was as Harry had said, everything else was so much more colourful now, but so insignificant in comparison to him, to this. How had she ever thought she’d live a life without him in it?
“You can spend the night,” Harry said once they had regained their breaths. “We don’t have to do anything; I just want you to stay here with me.”
She smiled at him, letting go of a breathy chuckle. “I’ll stay the night.”
He smiled back, kissing her temple. “I just want you as close as possible.”
She turned her face and pressed her lips against his again, closing her eyes and melting into him again. He gripped her face gently, pulling her to him and moaning softly against her, his wet lips making a hot shiver run up her spine that absolutely no one but Harry had been able to conjure. An early autumnal wind blew past them and though it was a cold breeze, Y/N felt herself radiate warmth. They giggled against one another when they realised they had completely forgotten where they were, the plans from earlier about going downstairs.
Harry took Y/N’s hand and the two walked back down the stairs, Harry carrying Mrs Dalloway and Y/N the bellflower. Once they reached the cottage, Y/N walked straight over to the kitchen and found a small glass she could put the flower in, and once it was filled with some water, she put it on the dining table, smiling a little at it. Harry walked over and sat down in the windowsill Y/N had spent countless hours studying for her UCAT, he watched her as she marvelled at the bellflower, studying it in the dim light of the cottage.
“What’ve you been up to the past few days?” Harry asked as Y/N sat down by the dining table.
“Been knitting that,” she said, nodding in the direction of the cardigan Harry was still wearing. “And I had a chat with Mum.”
Harry paused for a few seconds, letting the words Y/N had just uttered sink in. “You… You talked?”
“Yeah.”
“Did your parents and-“ Harry made a grimace as if saying the name made him ill. “Dominic show up unannounced again?”
Y/N tried not to smile. “No, I asked Mum to meet me.”
“Oh.” Harry nodded his head some, letting the words sink in. “Alright.”
“I just wanted to make it very clear that I don’t want anything to do with them again. Told her that if they came close to me or tried to meet me without letting me know and talking to me beforehand, I’ll file a restraining order or summat like that. I dunno how to do it or if the situation is, like, qualified for one-“
“-Jo will help. They work for a law firm; they’ll know what to do.”
“I’d appreciate that very much.” She sighed. “If Jo and the rest of St Ives will ever truly forgive what we did.”
Harry’s eyes fell to his hands in his lap, letting some silence settle between them before he said, “Yeah, Jessa wasn’t impressed.”
There had not been a moment prior to this when Y/N had felt angrier and more ashamed of herself. Out of everyone she had met in her life up until that point, and probably forever, Jessa was one of the most accepting and kindest people she had ever met. The fact that she had not only disappointed Jessa but also hurt her, made Y/N so thoroughly sad that it was hard not to scream out in anger.
“Did she…” Y/N trailed off, gesturing with her hands as Harry looked up at her again. “Did she talk to you about everything when you stayed at the farm with them that day after your hypo?”
Harry shook his head. “No. She barely spent any time with me, just told Grace to keep me company while she tended to the farm. She didn’t want to let me be alone, though. She can be mad at me, but she still can’t be that mad, you know what I mean?” Harry chuckled some. “Got the biggest heart out of anyone I know, Jessa does.”
Y/N smiled a little at that. “She had to know you’d be alright.”
“I heard you went up to the lighthouse to do the weather reports.”
She bit her lips together, remembering that night in vivid detail.
“Thank you,” he said. “Thank you so much for that.”
“You couldn’t do them, and someone had to.”
Harry chuckled. “You’re making it sound like it was dreadful.”
“It was!” He laughed even more at her exclamation. “I was proper freaking out!”
“But you did an amazing job! Everything you’ve written down is correct and I can guess then that your report was as well.”
She smiled. “I hope so.”
Harry smiled back, getting up to take the cardigan off and put it on a hanger by his dresser.
“Who did it after I left? I went back to the Inn after the 9am one.”
“Dax told me you were at the lighthouse and when he got your text saying you’d be leaving, he told me, I called Trinity House, and another lighthouse keeper off-duty came and stepped in for the day.”
“Okay, good,” Y/N said. “I was scared I just left it in the hands of no one, but I didn’t know what to do.”
“You did plenty. Thank you, genuinely.” Harry looked at the clock on the wall, letting go of a long sigh before he walked over to the lamp by his sofa, turning it off.
“I…” Y/N said, cracking the knuckle of her thumb as nervousness suddenly flooded her. She had thought about this a fair amount since the party last Friday and she felt like it had to be addressed. “The piano piece you played at the end of summer party,” Y/N started, making Harry look over at her. “It was beautiful.”
“You mean your song?”
Y/N felt lightheaded at him addressing it like that.
“It kinda just came to me throughout the summer. The first bit was just us laying in the grass and as it picks up you can kinda tell how much you begin to mean to me,” he explained. “It’s nostalgic, it’s what I was going for anyway. You don’t really know if you should be happy or sad, ‘cause the memories make you feel both at the same time.” He walked over to the foyer and locked the front door, turning the lights off, closing the door leading out there, separating them from the entrance. “Played it for Grace a couple of times and I was gonna play it for you, but… well, then everything went to shit, didn’t it?”
Y/N let out a small chuckle, looking down at her hands. “Yeah, everything fell apart all at once.”
“It did,” he agreed, turning a lamp on top of his dresser off. “But we made it, didn’t we?”
She smiled at that.
Harry paused for few seconds, looking out through the major window at the far-end wall where he had just been seated, furrowing his brows as he thought. It was as if he had just remembered something, biting his lips together as his eyes fell to the floor again. Not knowing what was on his mind, Y/N kept her mouth shut.
“I… I can’t remember much from last Friday,” he confessed, looking back up through the window. “It’s not even a blur, it’s just… it’s not there.”
Y/N just looked at him.
“Usually what happens when my blood sugar’s low. I get dizzy, start to sweat and I shake, and I’ll be very irritable, the slightest thing will tick me off.” Harry walked over to the dining table, sitting down next to Y/N. “And, if I go into a hypo, I won’t remember the hypo, or most of the moments leading up to it. I’ll just slowly jolt out of it and realise what’s happening.”
She nodded, eyes falling to his hands that were folded together on the table before him.
“I remember your family arriving and I remember being scared out of my bloody mind when I realised what was going on- when you and Bessie fucked out of the barn. I knew something was up. I kind of had a hunch as to what it was, but… I didn’t want to believe it. It couldn’t be happening, it just couldn’t.”
She wanted to reach for his hand.
“I didn’t even know who they were, you hadn’t shown me any pictures of them, so I couldn’t tell from just looking at them, but I knew. An old married pair and that… that ruddy tosser – don’t even wanna say his name – came out of that car, and I just knew. I couldn’t let you go with them.”
“I’m sorry-“
“-No,” Harry stopped her. “No, I get why you did. Didn’t wanna cause a scene, and all that.”
She nodded. “Thought it’d be better if I went, didn’t want to fight with them in front of everyone.”
Harry looked up at her. “You fought with them?”
“Not a physical fight.”
“A man can only dream.”
She laughed.
“You should’ve levelled He Who Must Not Be Named while you still had the chance.”
She grinned at him. “When I become a dentist and he’s my patient, I’ll pull all his teeth out without any anaesthetics. How ‘bout that?”
Harry smiled back. “That’ll be a right laugh.”
She giggled, looking down at his hands again.
“What happened in the car then? You had an argument?”
Biting at her bottom lip, Y/N thought about the entire car incident before looking up into Harry’s eyes again. “I told them I wouldn’t come back to Hampshire, that I wouldn’t move in with Dominic, that-“
“-They wanted you to move in with that grotesque git?!” Harry sounded flabbergasted.
She smiled a little again. “Yes, well, Mum and Dad don’t really care what I think as long as it looks good, you know.”
Harry nodded, motioning for her to continue on explaining.
“And then I told them I was doing a UCAT exam. None of them believed it or wanted me to take it, and that’s when Gracie called,” Y/N explained. “I asked Dad to stop the car so I could go back, but he wouldn’t let me out. I kind of realised that nothing would stop him. So, when I felt him stepping on the break before he was about to turn, I told them not to follow me, and I jumped out of the car.”
Harry stared at her, mouth hanging open, blinking multiple times as if he was picturing the entire thing unfold. “You…” He trailed off, shaking his head. “You jumped out of their car?”
“To get to you, yeah.”
A small breath left his lips and he continued to just look, a sort of appreciation on his face that made Y/N warm with pleasure. Again, she felt an urge to reach for his hand and hold onto him, to check if he was okay. Reliving those memories in her head and talking about them, made her also revisit the feelings of dread at the news of Harry’s hypo. Just wanting to get to him, just wanting to see he was alright.
“You’re bloody mad,” he said, a breathy chuckle following his utterance. “Brilliant, but out-of-your-mind mad at the same time.”
Y/N laughed again, smiling at Harry. “Did you feel the hypo coming on?”
“Yeah,” Harry answered, scratching at his jaw as his eyes fell on the dark field beyond the window beside the kitchen table. “Yeah, I usually feel them. This time around there was so much happening all at once, I didn’t really feel it till it happened. I’m usually very good at regulating my blood sugar, not had a shock like that in years.”
She leaned her elbows on the table, taking a grip of her upper arms as she watched him talk.
“I used to not want to take my insulin pens out in front of people after we had a meal out or stuff like that, it used to make me feel very vulnerable. I used to feel exposed, as if I was showing people a secret of mine that I didn’t want them in on. It was the same when I was overweight, I didn’t wear revealing or tight-fitted clothes ‘cause I didn’t want people to think I was bigger, you know what I mean? The better I could hide it from everyone else, the easier I could hide it from myself. So, I had a few hypos when I was younger.”
Two lines appeared between his brows as he thought, Y/N wanted to reach over and stroke them away.
“I think I was just so used to hiding parts of myself – big parts – that made it almost instinctive, hiding the fact that I was diabetic. I thought there was something wrong with me at first, ‘cause this would change my entire life, you know?” He let out a chuckle. “But then I went to this event thingy where I met other kids with diabetes, and I realised that it was much more common than I’d ever thought before. Not only that, but it had been stupid of me to ever hide it, to be ashamed of it. When you’re a kid, all you want is to fit in. You don’t wanna stick out or give anyone a reason to pick on you in any way. All the bullying before had really made an impact, I never wanted to experience it again, you know?” He sighed. “Some people will bully you for anything, especially those things you cannot help.”
Y/N furrowed her brows as she listened to him.
“But I was surrounded by people who made me realise that life is too short to be embarrassed, especially about things you cannot change. People who judge others for what they choose to do with their lives, are often the ones who still struggle to know who they are themselves, constantly critiquing others for their quirks and wrong-doings as if it’ll erase their own.”
Y/N smiled a little, nodding her head. “Yeah, my thighs have always been bigger,” she said. “I used to hate them ‘cause Mum would point them out and tell me I’d be wise to lose weight, but-“ Y/N shrugged. “-I like the way they jiggle when I walk, and though thigh chafing is an absolute pain, I still find them cute. It took me some time to realise that, of course. Especially when the environment around me keeps telling me they are. But I couldn’t care less, to be fair. Though it doesn’t feel like it at times, there are far more important things in life than an insignificant opinion. Big thighs save lives, do they not?”
The frown on Harry’s face has evaporated as Y/N spoke, a soft smile left in its wake. “Too right.”
Y/N smiled back.
“I love your thighs. They just-“ Harry made to reach for them, but stopped himself. Y/N laughed at him as he blinked himself out of some sort of trance.
“They what?”
“They’re pretty.”
Y/N felt her cheeks heat up instantly. No one had ever said that. That they liked her thighs. It only made those butterflies inside Y/N’s tummy flutter their wings even more wildly, not knowing how to properly act around Harry anymore.
“I was about to say something that would be a bit inappropriate,” Harry mumbled.
“What?”
“No, I can’t say. It’ll ruin the mood.”
“Nothing will ever ruin the mood, Harry.”
“Fine,” Harry hissed, inhaling quickly. “I just wanted to say that I really like the feel of them against my cheeks. They’re so soft. So… so soft.”
Her entire body went hot at that, because not only did it take her off guard, but she instantly remembered the feeling of his slight scruff against the inside of her thighs. Just thinking about it made her all dizzy with a need to feel it again. It all came sneaking up on her so suddenly that she was left biting her bottom lip, just looking at Harry as she clambered for things to say.
“See!” Harry exclaimed, chuckling. “Ruined the mood!”
“It just took me by surprise!”
“Right,” he laughed, getting up from the chair.
“I’m sorry for turning the lights out, it’s 9pm and I usually go to bed then. Gotta be up in about five hours.”
“Of course,” Y/N said, getting up. “We’ll… I’ll let you go to bed.”
“You’re not coming to bed?”
She just stared at him for a few moments. “I didn’t want to assume.”
“Assume,” Harry said, walking towards the bathroom.
Y/N laughed, following after him.
The two brushed their teeth together, Y/N using the toothbrush she had used the times before when she’d been there. Turns out, Harry had never thrown it out in case they would find themselves in this position multiple times. They took their time as Y/N ended up laughing at Harry, toothpaste dribbling down his chin. He told her that always happened and Y/N thought this was odd as Harry had a fairly big mouth.
Once again, he lent her a tee shirt. This time around, she only slept in that and her knickers, not really caring that Harry saw her in them as he’d seen her naked before. Harry only wore his boxers, putting on his sleep mask as Y/N picked up Mrs Dalloway where Harry had put it on the bed. Getting under the covers, she opened it on the page where he’d left off, smiling a bit to herself as she read a few passages. With a window open and most of the lights turned out except for the lamp on the nightstand, Harry got into bed with a grunt, pulling the covers over him. He glanced over at her, studying her face as she read, how her eyes flickered from word to word, line to line, paragraph to paragraph.
“Creep,” she mumbled, and Harry chuckled a little, getting into a comfortable position on his side so he could watch her.
“Read to me?” he asked, voice hoarse with on-coming sleep and Y/N found it so endearing and the question so familiar that a tingling sensation ran from her toes all the way up to the hair roots at the top of her head.
And so she did as he asked. She read from Mrs Dalloway, so softly and carefully that she almost lulled herself off to sleep. However, Harry was clinging to consciousness all he could. He would almost drift off but come back with a jolt, eyes wide open as if he tried to fight sleep, watching her lazily and intently, not daring to take his eyes off of her in case she wouldn’t be there when he opened them again. But it was only so much he could do, and, in the end, soft snores emitted from her companion, and Y/N put the book away, turning off the last light before joining Harry under the sheets.
It took her a while to fall asleep as well. She was just left staring at Harry, not really believing that this was all real. After everything that had happened these last few days, this almost seemed like a “too good to be true” ending and Y/N was nervous. She was content just being close to Harry like this, this was where she’d always wanted to be, but there was still a lot that needed to be addressed. The two of them had to talk about what would happen next, she needed to talk to everyone else, and she had to continue revising for the UCAT because it was now under a month till she was supposed to take the exam. The many thoughts and uncertain future kept her up like it had the last few nights, and Y/N wondered when she’d get a good night’s sleep.
She jolted awake some hours later, blinking up at the ceiling as Harry got up on his elbow and reached for his phone, turning the alarm off. Y/N watched as he sat up, rubbing his hands over his face to wake himself up a bit. She knew he couldn’t turn the lights on as it would ruin his night vision which he needed when he was out looking at the Stevenson Screen, so her eyes followed him as he got up from the bed and walked over to put the same outfit on that he’d worn before; his denim shorts and a pink tee shirt over it. He glanced over at Y/N, part of him must’ve realised she was awake.
“Alright?” he asked, voice hoarse from sleep and it made Y/N wake up even more. The sound of it made her all hot.
She nodded her head. “Your alarm clock just woke me up.”
“Yeah, I could tell,” Harry said, smiling a bit. “You jumped a bit.”
She smiled back as Harry gave her a small nod, pointing over his shoulder with his thumb before he walked out of the cottage and toward the lighthouse.
She wasn’t able to fall back asleep, however. She laid awake, looking up at the ceiling overhead and thinking too many thoughts all at once, her head feeling heavier than it had that entire night. It felt like she hadn’t slept at all, yet also had the deepest sleep of her life. After all, she had been with Harry this entire time, the two of them had talked everything out, they were okay, she should’ve had an amazing night sleep. But there was something that nagged at the back of her mind, something she had not been able to stop thinking about since Harry had said it just before they went to sleep.
“I really like the feel of them against my cheeks. They’re so soft. So… so soft.”
Her thighs. Soft. He liked the feel of them against him, around his face, as his head was between her legs. And then Y/N realised why her night had been so confusing and why it had been hard to fall asleep in the first place. Her body hadn’t forgotten those words. It had reacted to them while her brain had been wistfully unaware, letting it create an ache along her skin that only Harry could do something about. Taking a deep breath, Y/N closed her eyes, willing herself to fall asleep again.
Her mind immediately travelled back to the times before when Harry had tasted her. Whenever they had the chance to get intimate, he had always insisted on going down on her, like it was a privilege to, like he needed to. Y/N supposed it made sense, as he had told her how much he enjoyed getting his partner off, that knowing he was getting them off got him off. Seeing how hungry he truly was to make someone squirm and cry out his name, Y/N was always astounded by how true he had been to his word. He loved it. And something about that made Y/N’s entire body heat up. She found it so hot that he would do just about anything for someone else if it meant he’d help them over the edge.
Y/N’s eyes opened again, and she turned so her face was hidden in the pillow, screaming into it at how pathetic she was being. A thought had struck her, because she was sure that if she didn’t get rid of this ache now, it’d be even harder for her to fall back asleep afterward. Laying back down on her back, her eyes found the ceiling again and she rested a hand at the very bottom of her tummy. Harry wouldn’t be back for some time still, if she was quick she’d be done by the time he got back. And if she wasn’t quick and didn’t finish, she’d just excuse herself to the bathroom and finish everything quietly in there. Yes, that was a good plan.
Lifting the band of her knickers, Y/N reached down, hoisting her legs up slightly so it’d be easier for her to access all of herself. She ran a finger from her clit and down to her hole, not surprised to find wetness pooling there already. She smeared it out over herself; flicking her fingers over her bud, down to her hole again, making sure each part of her was covered in it. Continuing on like this until she basically found her core aching with a need for her to finish, Y/N started focusing entirely on her bud.
She thought of Harry. Thought of how he had looked while he ate her out from behind, his green eyes peering over at her as he looked over her shoulder at him. And then next came an image of Harry laying on his back in the bed in the lighthouse bedroom, eyes shut tight and mouth in an O-shape, forehead creasing as Y/N sat down on him, taking him into her. A low and long rumble emitted from him, vibrating through her, and Y/N gasped. He was sweaty, needy, and so incredibly hot where he laid under her, completely at her disposal, that it made the room spin around her. It all happened so quickly and it was so easy for her to almost reach a peak that she found herself inhaling sharply, letting go of a moan she had not meant to let pass her lips.
And it had been the worst possible moment for her to moan as well, because the door into the cottage opened and Harry stepped inside. Y/N stopped herself immediately, laying back down as if nothing had happened. However, by the way Harry quickly closed the door and locked it, looking over at her, she was sure he must’ve either heard or seen something. None of them spoke for a moment as they just looked at one another, at a loss for words. Y/N’s entire body felt like it was burning, but this time it was from embarrassment and not from want. If someone could transport her into an alternate dimension where she had chosen not to masturbate in Harry’s cottage while he was out doing the weather report, that would’ve been nice.
Harry’s mouth opened and closed again as he took his shoes off, still not stepping further into the cottage than the foyer. The silence was deafening, and Y/N wanted to scream. Couldn’t he just say something? He already knew partly what she had been doing according to how pink and flabbergasted he was, the least he could do was say something. Y/N didn’t mind him hearing or seeing her. In fact, she quite liked the idea. But she hadn’t intended to make Harry uncomfortable or make him not want to come back to bed.
“Uhm…” Harry said, clearing his throat as he scratched at the back of his neck. “Do you… I can…” He let his arm fall to his side. “I’ll go sleep in the lighthouse if you want some-“
“-No,” Y/N interrupted him. “I’m sorry, you weren’t supposed… I didn’t mean…” But she, like Harry, didn’t really know what to say. What was the right thing to say in a situation like this?
“I’ll step outside if you want to finish.”
“No, I-“ Y/N couldn’t help but laugh a little at that. This whole thing was so awkward and could’ve been so easily prevented. “-It’s fine. You can come back here to bed if you want to sleep next to me.”
Harry chuckled. “Don’t think there’s anywhere I’d rather be, to be honest.”
Y/N bit her lips together, wiping her fingers on her thigh before she positioned herself on her side again. She watched as Harry too his tee shirt off, biting the inside of his cheek as he thought for a few seconds. He didn’t look at her as he asked, “Did you finish, then?”
Y/N felt like she was on fire again, looking away from Harry as he unbuckled his denim shorts. “No, but it’s-“
“-Would you let me give it a try?”
She blinked, meeting his eyes. “Pardon?”
“Let me try to make you finish.” He got into bed with her, not taking his eyes off of her. “Please?”
A chill went up her spine and her centre began to ache painfully again. Not knowing what she was doing till she was doing it, Y/N nodded. Harry removed the covers from over her and Y/N got cold at once, but the sight of Harry’s eyes travelling down her body made her forget about the lack of the duvet at once. He leaned in, kissing her lips softly. It was a lazy sort of kiss, their mouths opening up for one another slowly and their tongues tangling, their lips getting wet and small whimpers emitted from their mouths as the make out session was dragged out. Suddenly, Harry started kissing down her jaw and neck, over her breasts that were covered in his tee shirt and down her body.
“What were you thinking about while you were getting off?” Harry asked, crawling further down the bed until his face rested just above the place she needed him. She was still on her side, Harry resting his head on her right thigh while she was holding up her left one as not to rest it on his head, she’d suffocate him for sure.
“You,” she answered simply, and Harry groaned against her skin, vibrating through her entire body, and especially her clit that was already sensitive from Y/N’s earlier try.
Harry hooked his fingers around the hem of her underwear, moving his head as to get it off, but he didn’t move it past her knees.
“Don’t move these,” he said, gesturing at her underwear. “Want to feel your thighs tight around me.”
“When you were under me, that first time we had sex,” she continued to explain.
“Hmm,” Harry hummed, kissing her folds that were now exposed to him. Y/N bit her bottom lip, looking down at him where he was almost hidden between her legs. “Liked that?”
“Love it when you’re needy.”
Harry kissed her again, making Y/N gasp slightly. “Then you’ll be pleased to know that I’ve thought about you, too.”
She froze a bit, looking down at him.
“Gotten off to the thought of you. A bit of a sad wank after we shagged in the car. Bloody fucking hell,” Harry said, sounding breathless. “When you wrapped your hand around my throat… so fucking hot.”
Harry didn’t wait for Y/N to say anything however because he ran his tongue over her and she immediately moaned, her left leg shaking as the impact rocked through her. Harry buried himself there between her legs, drawing out his licks over her until he focused solely on her clit. He sucked and Y/N’s eyes fluttered close. It hadn’t been far from climax when she had tried to get herself off earlier, it was embarrassing how quickly she would come now. However, as Harry continued to suck on her and make noises as if he was enjoying himself immensely, having the meal of his life, Y/N didn’t quite care. She was losing her mind as it was, feeling Harry’s tongue and mouth on her again, a sensation she had missed.
She felt Harry’s scruff against her skin and though it tickled some, she welcomed this feeling. She couldn’t come up with a number high enough if she were to say how many times she had thought about being in this position with Harry again. Before Harry, Dominic hadn’t bothered going down on Y/N much, and this hunger of Harry’s, his desire to make her come and scream while she did, was in such drastic contrast that it was almost laughable. Harry would not rest till he knew she had had a mind-blowing orgasm, while Dom had never even asked her if she finished. She often had to do the job herself with him, but with Harry, he was the one doing that for her.
“Oh, God,” she moaned as Harry wrapped his lips around her bud again, sucking her deliciously.
She reached down, taking Harry’s hair in her hands, and biting her lips as she let out another moan. He was working hard on making this one an orgasm to remember, she could feel it. As an electric shock ran through her, making her gasp for breath, her left leg fell onto Harry’s face. About to lift it again, she heard a sound of contentment from down there. Harry liked it. He liked the feeling of her thighs around him, suffocating him almost. Another thrill ran through Y/N at the thought.
“Harry,” she gasped, her grip on his hair tightening, he hummed against her in response.
She clung to him, the feeling of fire hot tension in her core was starting to reach that point where it’d burst, and Y/N was making more and more noise the nearer it drew. Harry held onto her, slipping two fingers into her while he continued to eat her out, looking up every now and again to look at her. At the feeling of his fingers, Y/N gasped again, crying out his name as hot pleasure erupted from her core and all throughout her body, making every cell aware of what was soon to happen.
“Couldn’t sleep just now,” Harry admitted between licks and sucks. “After our chat, all I kept thinking about was the taste of your sweet cunt and your thighs around me as I eat you out.”
Y/N moaned in response, dizzy with approaching bliss.
The wet sucking sounds of Harry’s lips as well as his fingers now, almost echoed throughout the room. Something that before would’ve disgusted her previous partner, but something that made her current partner, and herself, highly aroused. She pulled at his hair as he sucked on her again, picking up the pace of his fingers, and making it hard for Y/N not to cry out yet again. She felt it then. Just there. A little bit out of reach.
“Come on, baby,” Harry said against her, voice husky. “Come loud and nice for me now.”
Y/N gasped again, Harry’s words taking her off guard. However, it didn’t take long after that. He wrapped his lips around her and sucked more forcefully this time around, making the world around Y/N shatter completely. She gasped and moaned and cried out Harry’s name as she came. Fires licking at each of her organs, making it hard for her to breathe as Harry got out from between her thighs. He got up instantly to get her something to clean up with, not letting her do it himself. As she calmed down, biting her lips as Harry laid down next to her, she saw the small start of a grin. Before she could ask what he was thinking about, Harry spoke.
“I’ve been running low on vitamin P these last few days.”
Y/N was silent for a moment before she understood, then she just looked at him. Of course. “Don’t say it.”
“Vitamin pussy.”
Y/N brought her hands up to her face to hide it from view as they both laughed. It had been such a stupid joke after such a serious and hot moment spent together that neither of them could help themselves. It was exactly what Y/N had expected from Harry and she loved it, even though it was the stupidest joke she had ever heard. Harry’s phone went off, and Y/N wondered if it was 6am already, though that wouldn’t make sense as it at just been 3. Harry sat up, looking at his phone and bringing it up to the sensor on his upper arm, clicking his tongue.
“Seems eating you out didn’t work to get my blood sugar up, it’s still low.”
Y/N laughed again, feeling a pain in her ribs as she looked up at Harry.
“I’ll go eat something ‘cause your cunt’s clearly not sweet enough, and I’ll be back for cuddles-“
“-Hey!”
“I can’t cuddle now, my blood sugar-“
“-Thought you said earlier that my cunt’s sweet.”
Harry grinned down at her, kissing her forehead. “Can’t imagine myself living without the taste of you.” And then he got up, walking over to his kitchen to make himself a toast.
Next time she woke was a little after nine when Harry returned to the cottage after another report, trying to be as quiet as possible as he made a quick brew of coffee. She opened her eyes slowly and just watched him, finding herself smiling at the sight of him standing there in the pale morning sun. He wandered over to the sofa once he had his cup, flicking through the newspaper before him and taking his time before he had to start on a new day around the Clodgy grounds. Y/N let him sit there by himself for a while, understanding that he just needed to properly wake up and relax after a night of reporting and working.
Once he was done with his coffee and closed the newspaper before him, Harry glanced over at Y/N, stopping a little when he saw her already looking at him.
“Morning,” he said, voice still a bit groggy with sleep as he hadn’t talked much still. He cleared his throat. “I, uhm…” He looked at the coffee cup, mouth open as he tried to figure out what he wanted to say. “Sorry if I woke you.”
“You didn’t.”
“Oh.” He nodded, eyes landing on her again, giving her a small smile before he picked up the coffee mug and walked over to the dishwasher with it. “You want some coffee?”
“I’m good, thanks, though.”
“No problem.”
She continued to just watch him, the tiniest of smiles on her face. Harry walked about the kitchen, looking through his fridge before he rummaged through the bowl of fruit on the counter. It seemed he was busying himself as he tried to find the right words to say, stopping a few times when he thought he had it, but then starting up his hunt again.
“How’d you sleep then?”
Y/N’s smile widened, still feeling Harry’s stubble where it had been between her thighs only hours beforehand. “Great, and you?”
Harry glanced over at her, smiling as well now. “Been a while since I’ve slept that well, to be honest.”
She giggled, sitting up in bed. She noticed his eyes flickered to her chest where she was sure her nipples were visible through her shirt. His cheeks flared and he looked away before meeting her eyes again. “Same here.”
His cheeks got redder and he couldn’t help his little smile. “Right.”
She smiled, stretching where she sat in the bed. “I feel like I need a shower. Might pop by the Inn-“
“-No, you can-“ Harry didn’t finish that sentence, instead he gestured at the bathroom with a little nod, biting his lips together. “I’ll… I’ll go outside and do some chores.”
Y/N nodded, getting up from the bed. “If you’re sure.”
“You don’t even have to ask, Y/N.”
That sent a shiver up her spine and her smile widened. “I still want to make sure. You never know when you’re stepping over a line or summat.”
“Not here, never here.”
It was incredible how much Harry made her feel at once. His words made her warm with adoration, but they also made her want to run over to him and rip his clothes off. She just wanted to be close to him, to physically touch him all over again. It had been so long since she’d felt his skin, kissed him, even though it had only been last night, and she longed for it all again. She missed being close to him, missed feeling him take over each one of her senses. The feeling of him being all around her, paralysing her and making her feel full of nothing but peace and love. Was there anything that felt better than that? Than not being able to do anything anywhere completely with someone because you were so in love with them it consumed you? Wasn’t the feeling of someone you were utterly, truly in love with feeling the same way about you, wanting to be with you like you wanted to be with them? How lucky hadn’t they been to have found each other and fallen at the same time.
Y/N walked over to the bathroom, watching Harry where he was stood by the foyer. She hadn’t expected to blurt it out like she did. In fact, in retrospect, she wasn’t sorry she had suggested it, but she knew that it had taken both her and Harry off guard. However, it wouldn’t have happened if she hadn’t opened her mouth either. Something they both would have regretted.
“Do you wanna come?”
Harry blinked a few times as if he was certain he hadn’t heard her right.
“In the shower?”
His mouth fell open slightly and he continued to just look at her, for a second looking like he thought she was taking the piss.
“If you’re busy you don’t have to, but the offers there-“
“-Y-You want me to come-“ Harry stopped himself, furrowing his brows. “You want me to come in the shower with you?”
“Yeah, unless you’re busy. I know-“
“-No, I…” Harry inhaled slowly. “No, I want to. I’ll come.”
Y/N smiled at him, opening the bathroom door as butterflies swarmed around in her stomach. It had been a while since she’d seen him naked, and even that had been in the dark of the bedroom in the lighthouse. Now, in the pale morning light, she’d get to see all of him. And he’d get to see all of her; chunky thighs, cellulite, and the mole on the inside of her right thigh. She didn’t mind him seeing her naked.
Y/N stepped inside, looking at the shower and the small window at the top of the wall, letting some natural sunlight stream into the bathroom. Harry followed after her, closing the door after him and standing there behind her, watching her as she studied the pale yellow sunbeams make it through the window. Slowly, she turned around, looking over her shoulder at Harry and keeping eye contact till they stood face to face. He was still watching her, studying her face and her body, taking his time and clearly trying not to make her feel uncomfortable at him taking her in like this. Reaching for the hem of Harry’s tee shirt, she brought it over her head and let it fall to the floor beside her, feeling an undeniable heat pull towards the bottom of her tummy as Harry’s eyes fell to her exposed breasts. He was paying so close attention to her as if just being here with her, getting a chance to look at her like this, was the greatest privilege one could ask for. Y/N’s body felt hot under his stare and she sucked her bottom lip between her teeth, feeling a sort of powerful only Harry was able to make erupt inside her.
He tugged his own tee shirt over his head, letting it fall not far from where she’d placed hers, his broad and tanned chest exposed to her one more time. Like he had done to her, she took her time studying him. She took in the hair travelling from his navel to below his underwear, his outlined pecks and the soft tummy underneath them. Seeing him like that, glowing in the light of the sun, had something inside her scream with anticipation. Though nothing was set in stone to happen, she could still feel an instant intense electricity forming in the air between them.
Y/N reached for her knickers and Harry’s lips parted, inhaling sharply as if he’d just been brought back from an extraordinary trance. She pulled them down, revealing herself completely to him and the breath Harry had let enter his body just seconds before, left his lips in a shaky exhale once she stood upright again. His eyes moved over her, finally able to see all of her and in the light of day. Y/N’s heart beat hard inside her chest, looking at Harry look at her, feeling every emotion she held for him all at once. Once their eyes met, she let hers fall to his usual denim shorts, then meet his eyes again.
He understood right away, reaching for the button and the zipper, taking both his shorts and boxers off in one go. Y/N tried not to get visibly excited at the sight, but she could already see the hint of arousal on Harry, something that made the heat inside her own body intensify. Their eyes met again, and though she would’ve usually seen a slight blush across Harry’s cheeks, it wasn’t there just then. No, he seemed confident enough, ready enough, content enough not to feel embarrassed about anything.
She took a single step back before turning around, drawing the frosted shower door aside so she could step inside. Turning on the water, Y/N squealed a little as cold water came pouring down over her at first, taking a huge step to the other side of the shower so the water wouldn’t hit her. She was now standing in the open doorway into the shower, looking out at Harry who was smiling, chuckling some to herself at her instant reaction to the water. She wrinkled her nose at him before reaching her hand out, feeling at the water to see if it was a comfortable enough temperature now. When it was, she walked back over, standing under the shower head as she felt footsteps behind her on the shower floor, then the door sliding shut.
She turned around when she was fully wet, looking over at Harry as he just stood there, watching her intently. Biting her lip, she stepped aside, letting him slide past her and into the stream of the shower. She took his place, watching Harry now as he let the water run over him, a content sigh leaving his lips as if this was something he had really needed. Standing there, she wanted to reach forward and touch him. His back muscles, plump arse, and the scar on the back of his thigh. It wasn’t big, but it looked to have happened a long time ago. Maybe when he was little, having fallen off his bike or done something stupid kids often did while playing.
Harry picked up the shampoo bottle, letting her slide past him again to shampoo her hair. She waited for him to hand it over to her, but instead of putting the bottle back in her hand, Harry opened the shampoo and then put the bottle on the small sill beside the window. The small of fresh papaya wafted through the air, and a second later, she felt fingers in her hair and a hot sensation ran down her spine, resting at her core but heating up her entire body. She closed her eyes, letting the feeling of Harry take over each one of her senses. Humming contentedly, she let Harry massage her scalp, feeling herself relax completely for the first time in a long while. He pressed against her backside, not at all shy now that she felt him against her bum, harder than he had been when they undressed before one another. She felt like falling to the floor, the intensity of anything but the moment right now dissipating completely.
Something soft was pressed against her shoulder, then a bit further up towards her neck. Harry’s tender kisses sent shocks of great pleasure throughout her body, making it once again hard to remain standing. She suddenly heard some coughing and a small “ew”, and when she turned around, Harry was grimacing.
“Shampoo,” he explained, making Y/N laugh.
“You didn’t have to lick the shampoo.”
“It’s all over you now, innit?” he said, making both of them laugh again. “Was trying to be proper romantic, but fucked myself over with that one.”
“Nah, I liked it.”
“That I ate shampoo?”
She laughed. “Well, you didn’t eat it. At least not on purpose.”
He chuckled. “Real papaya tastes better than shampoo papaya. I’m a survivor of the papaya shampoo-“
“-Oh, don’t be dramatic.” She turned around, smiling over at him. “It was brave of you to go through all that for a shoulder kiss.”
“I’d go through a lot more than just eating shampoo to give you another shoulder kiss.”
Y/N laughed, getting the conditioner. She was about to put some in her hand when Harry took it from her. He shook his head, and she pretended to roll her eyes, even though she actually thoroughly enjoyed how much he wanted to take care of her. He ran his hands through her hair, making sure not to let any conditioner touch her scalp. While doing this, he planted more kisses along her jaw, even daring to kiss her neck and jawline, now not at all intimidated by the shampoo. There was simply no way not to smile and feel her entire body buzz with adoration as Harry did this.
When he stopped, he put his hands under the stream to get all the shampoo and conditioner off. Though she usually let the shampoo and conditioner stay in her hair a bit, she let it be this time around. Stepping under the stream from the shower head, she closed her eyes and rinsed her hair thoroughly. She ran her hands through her hair, closing her eyes. She knew Harry was watching her and she loved that he was. The steam from the shower along with Harry’s not-so-subtly studying every single part of her naked body, made her hotter than she’d been in a while.
It happened so suddenly it made her gasp. Once she opened her eyes to look at him again, her hair free of shampoo and conditioner, Harry took the step toward her. He grabbed the back of her neck and brought her to him, kissing her fiercely. Though it had startled her at first, she melted into the kiss right away. Though they had kissed only last night, it still felt like an eternity ago, and she had missed him like this. She missed kissing him and knowing that it would lead somewhere fantastic, just like last night’s kiss had felt. Maybe that one had been even more intense than this one because it held the promise of a future, but this kiss felt very similar. This one was purposeful. They both knew there was a future now, but they had no idea where it’d go, only that in this very moment, no matter what, they wanted to spend this one moment with each other. And they wanted to take great advantage of that.
Harry pressed her against the wall, moaning into her as she gripped his back, bringing her closer to him. She tilted his head and kissed him harder, something that had a short breath leaving his nose, a slight twitch against Y/N’s core and lower belly.
“Open up for me,” she whispered against him and he did as she said without hesitation. Their tongues found one another instantly and fantastic bliss ran through Y/N’s body to the point where she completely forgot where she was. The kisses grew more frantic, wetter, deeper. She pulled away at one point, taking a grip of his hair, tilting his head so it’d fit better against hers, before she kissed him again. Harry smiled against her lips at that, getting harder against her as she took control of him, making him listen to her and what she wanted. The mere fact that this was turning him on turned Y/N on, and she continued to take the dominant role. Something both of them loved.
She lifted her leg and Harry took a grip of her knee, bringing it up to his hip. He instantly leaned more into her, his erection against her centre, making her grip on his hair tighten. Slowly, making a tingle of excitement run through her veins, Harry grinded against her. She couldn’t help her moan, begging him to do it again as she squeezed his shoulder. He did, letting a small whimper pass from his lips and into her mouth, desperate for an actual feel of her. Y/N adjusted her hips some, making it so that when Harry grinded against her hungrily the third time, a shot of pleasure erupted from her clit.
“Oh, my God,” she said, having missed the effect Harry had on her body like this.
He kissed along her neck, sucking lightly at the tip of her jaw. “You’re so hot.”
She smiled, closing her eyes as Harry kissed her collarbone. “It’s all you, you make me act like this.”
Harry stopped right above her heart, kissing her breast. “Don’t give me that sort of credit.”
She giggled. “Then what should I say?”
Harry kissed along her neck again, a thrill of ecstasy shooting straight for the spot between Y/N’s legs. “I’m not one to tell you, am I?”
Y/N bit her bottom lip, looking down at Harry and waiting for him to reach her shoulder before she uttered, “No, you’re not.”
She could tell Harry loved that, gripping her knee harder as he rested his forehead against hers. “Are you wet for me like I’m hard for you?”
She cocked her head to the side. “Why don’t you find out?”
Harry bit his bottom lip at that, she could feel his heart beating hard against his chest and against hers. She swore they beat to the same rhythm. He reached down between them, making sure to hold their eye contact as he reached for her centre, eyes hooded with lust. Once his middle and ring finger came into contact with her wetness, he let out a strangled moan. He slid his fingers over her, pushing them slowly into her and out again, making the ache of her core hurt with need. The teasing would surely kill her at one point.
“Fucking hell, Y/N,” he mumbled. “You feel so good. So fucking good.”
“Taste me.”
Harry’s eyebrows raised ever so slightly, her commands making every single hair on his body stand on end in excitement. Running his fingers over her again, he pushed them into her once more, pulling them out to circle her clit. She moaned, not able to help herself, and the sound of her pleasure brought Harry his, moaning along with her. He brought his fingers up, placing them inside his mouth and keeping eye contact with Y/N as he wrapped his lips around his fingers, sucking off her juices. Finding this so hot her entire body began to ache for him, Y/N brought him to her again, kissing him hard. Once again, they lost themselves in each other’s lips, tongues, and the taste. Y/N assumed she was tasting herself on him, but it soon disappeared as the kiss deepened, becoming hungrier than any of the other kisses.
“Get a condom,” she said at last, and in his haste to do just that, Harry almost slipped on the slippery shower floor. Y/N laughed, holding onto her stomach as Harry’s life flashed before his eyes, getting out of the shower to rummage through his bathroom drawer for his condoms. He was back not long after, shielding his covered-up cock from the water as he made his way over to her, putting the lube on the windowsill.
“Think my near death is funny, do you?”
“Hilarious.”
Harry laughed at that, pressing his forehead against hers again as he got a hold of her leg, bringing it up to his hip again.
Harry’s other hand ran from her collarbone, over her chest, and down to her centre, looking into her eyes the entire time. He helped angle her right, licking his lips before meeting her eyes again, resting his forehead once again against hers. They looked down as Harry positioned himself at her opening, Y/N averting her eyes after a little while just so she could look at him when they joined together again. He glanced up at her again as well, holding onto his shaft till most of him was inside her, then gripping her hips hard. They both moaned, unable to say another word as a heavenly feeling swept over them.
A gentleness, vulnerability, warmth lingered there between them as Harry moved in and out of her at a slow pace, it was a sort of feeling that one couldn’t properly speak of, it was too powerful for that. What transpired between them as Harry pounded into her, made her arch her back, was so much more than anything that had ever existed before this. There was an emotion yet to be described, yet to be given a word, that they created as they stood there in that shower, the lazy sunbeams shining in on them and the hot shower pouring down Harry’s back. Y/N hummed in contentment as Harry’s hips met hers, loving the feeling of him there, colliding with her once again.
“Fuck,” Harry mumbled, keeping his eyes on Y/N at all times. He brought her knee further up his hips, making it easier for him to fuck her right, and while doing that, spreading her wider for him as well. At this, she moaned loudly, digging her nails into the skin of his back. With that, Harry picked up the pace a little more, their wet bodies colliding in a rough yet delicious rhythm that had the both of them gasping for breath.
Y/N felt something inside her core, something that was tensing up and making it harder for her to concentrate on much else besides the heat of it and Harry in front of her. Harry continued to rock into her, their bodies crashing hard and loud. The sound of flesh against flesh, their rapid breathing, and the occasional moan was their entire universe in those blissful minutes.
His grip on her tightened, and Y/N couldn’t help herself, letting go of a loud cry of Harry’s name, the quick strokes bringing her closer to her orgasm dangerously fast. She gripped the hair at the nape of his neck, making Harry moan loudly against her, the sort that had him gasping afterwards.
Y/N wondered how she had ever thought that Harry’s feelings for her hadn’t been genuine. She wondered how she had not seen it sooner. Not only how Harry felt for her, but how she felt for him as well. It had taken her so long just to realise that the reason why she was so protective of him, why she wanted to be near him, and why she always felt like her breath got clogged somewhere in her throat when she saw him, was because she was falling in love with him. It had crept up on her so slowly, so powerfully, that she hadn’t realised it till it was too late. But regardless, Y/N was sure that even if she had recognised that she was falling in love with Harry while it was actually happening versus how she realised after it had all happened, she wouldn’t have wanted it any other way. She was where she was supposed to be. Where the kindness she had sent out into the universe had brought her; where destiny had always envisioned her. With Harry. In St Ives.
She leaned forward, softly biting onto his bottom lip and it was like seeing his pupils dilate.
“Fuck me,” he mumbled, making Y/N grin.
She arched her back, the tenseness in her core tightening. The edges of her vision blurred as she watched Harry. As they came together, as they looked into each other’s eyes, Y/N knew that nothing would be better than this. She felt Harry everywhere. Felt him, smelled him, tasted him, heard him. He was everywhere all at once, and it was exactly as Y/N wanted it. She wanted him to leave more pieces of himself inside her, feel him shape her into a better version of herself, help her along the path to becoming the person she was supposed to be. There was a piece of him in each one of her molecules, and though she was sure this was an aspect of her life that would never truly dissipate, she knew Harry would always be with her. Wherever she went, whoever she was with, he had helped her on her way to discover herself, and for that she would always be grateful.
They kissed one another one more time, Y/N moaning against him as he thrust into her, this one rougher than all the ones before. Breaking away, they looked into each other’s eyes as she dug her nails into his scalp and shoulder. She came. The tenseness in her core erupted and she felt the effect like an earthquake all over her body. She was gasping, moaning, and looking into his eyes as pure bliss washed over her. The leg Harry was holding shook and it was a wonder the other one hadn’t given out from under her. She held onto him as she came down, smiling at him as if she couldn’t believe they’d just done that.
Y/N wrapped an arm around Harry’s shoulders, holding onto him as he pounded into her, the veins in his neck popping out. She knew he was close, saw it and felt it. As his pace picked up some more, though she was still incredibly sensitive, Y/N felt a familiar burn herself. This had never happened before, she usually needed some time to gather herself and to not be as sensitive down there before she could go for a round two, but something about today was different. She gasped as Harry hit a particular spot and he looked into her eyes, refusing to keep them close as he had that last minute.
“Harry,” she moaned, making him grab her boob, squeezing it seductively.
Suddenly, there was a sound coming from outside. The two of them had been too caught up in one another and their little moment that they hadn’t heard the approaching car. Though Y/N quickly realised what was happening, Harry continued to fuck her, oblivious until a car door closed with a bang outside in the courtyard. He removed his face from where he had rested his forehead against hers, trying to peek out of the foggy window.
“Dax,” Harry said. “Think the rest as well.”
“Everyone’s here?!” Y/N hissed. “Everyone’s outside?!”
“Looks like it,” Harry said, turning back to her. “Just-“ He put one hand over her mouth. “Be quiet.”
“I’m not the one that needs to be quiet,” she said against his palm, but her voice was muffled by him covering her mouth. “You’re loud.”
“I’m not bloody loud, what’re you talking about?” Harry furrowed his brows.
Y/N chuckled. “Who cares? Just get a move on so we can go out there.”
Harry smiled and pressed his forehead against hers again, gripping her thigh harder as he began to make as small and quick movements as possible, trying not to make any noise. His pace, his flow, felt heavenly. Her eyes fluttered shut, digging her nails into Harry’s back. By the looks of it, this exact angle and tempo was doing it for Harry as well. He looked at her as he neared his climax, doing as Y/N said and trying to keep his mouth shut and moans to a minimum. She could tell he was struggling, and she squeezed his shoulder in encouragement as he continued to barely make any noise.
“Harry?!” Dax called from the front door, walking into the cottage. More footsteps sounded behind him and Harry stopped abruptly, looking over at the door through the blurry glass of the shower door. “Mate, where are you?”
Harry and Y/N looked at one another, eyes wide as they listened for more movement outside.
“Found him, Dax, Jo?” Fatima called from outside, her footsteps along with, what Y/N could only assume, Amir and Ellie nearing the cottage.
“No, he’s not here,” Jo answered.
“Where the fuck could he have gone? Not like he’s supposed to be anywhere else, is it?” Dax asked no one in particular. “He wasn’t in the lighthouse either?”
“No, but he just did his 9am,” Amir answered.
“What the fuck, then,” Dax said. The door into the bathroom burst open and Y/N tried not to scream. Harry pressed his body against Y/N’s so Dax wouldn’t see any of her. “Haz-“ Everything was disturbingly silent for a single second before Dax realised what he must be looking at. “OH!”
“A bit preoccupied at the moment, Dax!” Harry shouted out at his best mate where he still stood in the bathroom doorway.
“Right! Sorry!” Dax slammed the bathroom door shut. Harry and Y/N looked at one another, both giggling and doing their best not to be heard by the others outside. “We’ll just fuck off outside then!”
There was a slight silence outside in the cottage till Ellie finally asked, “What’s going on?”
“Harry and Y/N,” Dax explained. “They’re in the shower.”
“What?!” exclaimed Fatima.
“In the shower, or in the shower shower?” Amir asked, it sounded like he was wiggling his eyebrows along with his question.
“Mate. No,” Jo said.
“Would you lot mind buggering off for a bit?!” Harry shouted, making a flurry of footsteps move hastily towards the front door. They could all be heard outside, chatting excitedly and fast. Harry rolled his eyes and sighed, making Y/N laugh.
“Right,” Harry said, bringing her leg higher up as to get better access. She gasped. “Where were we?”
She bit her lips, grinning at him. Harry started at the same pace as before, fucking her quickly and with small movements as not to be heard, not sure how well the sound of their wet bodies slamming together would carry. Y/N reached for the lube, making Harry let out a small breath as if he had completely forgotten about it, but appreciated that Y/N had. Once again, she had to angle herself so best to access his bum, and when she did, she slid her fingers slowly into him.
“Fuck,” Harry hissed.
He continued with his small and quick movements as to make it easier for Y/N to keep her fingers in. She curled them slightly upward, watching as Harry’s eyes fluttered shut.
“Y/N,” he moaned, voice trembling slightly. She kept her fingers like that, feeling that, with each of Harry’s movements, he ignited the fire inside, making her heat up all over again. Harry’s whimpers got more frequent and desperate, not fully knowing what to do with himself as his orgasm got closer and closer.
“Come on, baby,” she mumbled, and that was all it took. Her calling him that. Finally, Harry was brought towards climax. He came looking into Y/N’s eyes, everyone and everything else completely forgotten as he filled the condom, moaning her name and gripping her body harder. She had felt the oncoming second orgasm herself, and though she hadn’t thought Harry would’ve noticed her like that, he had.
“I can go down on you,” he offered, pulling himself out of her. “We can-“
“-No,” Y/N laughed. “They’re waiting for you.”
“For us,” Harry corrected her, getting up as he had hunched down, ready to make her come a second time. “They’re waiting for us.”
Y/N smiled at him, stroking his cheek as he stood before her. He leaned in, kissing her softly on the lips as they relished in the last of their moment together.
“I’ll make it up to you later,” he said against her lips, making Y/N’s tummy, which was already filled with butterflies, tickle with anticipation.
“I’ll just wash up.”
“Alright, I’ll wait.”
Harry dried himself off as quickly as possible, running out into the living room to get a new pair of boxers and jeans along with Y/N’s dress and jumper. He put on his underwear and jeans, then picked up the tee shirt Y/N had been wearing the bed the night before, making a note to sniff it in front of Y/N just so he could watch her laugh at him. She got dressed as well, suddenly filled with dread for what was waiting for them outside. Once in the foyer, Harry pulled her closer, kissing her one more time, smiling against her. She giggled, kissing him again before they both turned to the door and walked outside.
Everyone was sat on the grass beside the lighthouse, not too close to the cliff, but close enough so that the wind was rather harsh. As Harry and Y/N approached, Fatima looked over her shoulder, smiling at them before she alerted the others, making them all stand up. Y/N felt a tenseness in her chest, terrified of what would happen the second they started chatting. She hadn’t forgotten the look of hurt on Dax’s face, or how hurt Fatima had been, or how Jo looked between Harry and Y/N, refusing to believe what they were saying was true.
“To what do we owe the pleasure?” Harry asked once they were close enough to talk.
Amir’s eyes fell on Y/N, giving her a smile before he looked at Harry. Jo opened their mouth, crossing their arms over their chest. “Think you got some explaining to do. Both of you.”
Harry looked at Y/N who glanced back at him, but she quickly stared at the others, feeling her hands go all clammy.
“Well,” Harry started, scratching at the back of his neck. “It’s… it’s probably what you think.”
“What’s that?” asked Dax.
“I’m in love with Y/N,” Harry said, as if it was the simplest and most profound fact of the world. “And she’s in love with me.”
Dax looked between them, studying each of their faces. “Alright,” he said, pausing for two seconds. “Why bother lying, then?”
“That’s… That’s not a lie.”
“I didn’t mean lie about that, why did you have to lie about being a couple when you were on your way to become one in the first place?”
Harry furrowed his brows. “It’s not that simple, though. We didn’t know we’d end up caring for one another like that when we first met.”
“Dax,” Fatima said, raising her eyebrows at him. “I know you’re hurt Harry lied to you-“
“-Nah, I’m not hurt. I’m fuming.”
Harry let out a huff. “Thought you were over it, mate.”
“But I’m not.” Dax looked Harry dead in the eyes. “Look, I’m happy for you. Genuinely, I am. You more than anyone else deserve to find love, especially when that someone you fall in love with is Y/N, yeah? But…” Dax trailed off, crossing his arms over his chest. “I’m still hurt that my best friend lied to me. I tell you everything, Haz.”
“I wanted to tell you, Dax. Really.”
“But?”
“But you love to gossip, mate! You’re just like your mum!”
“I wouldn’t have told people about this, Harry.”
Harry sighed. “Listen, be mad, yeah? Take your time to be mad. I’m sorry.” He looked at all his other friends as well. Amir, Fatima, Jo, Ellie. “I’m sorry for lying about this. It was a stupid thing to lie about, but I was desperate and before either of us really knew what was going on, we were just fake dating.”
Ellie nodded along, smiling a little at both Y/N and Harry’s wet hairs. “But you’re not fake dating anymore… right?”
Harry smiled as well, looking at Y/N. “No.”
“Aww, you two!” Fatima exclaimed.
“We haven’t discussed it yet, she told me yesterday that she won’t leave St Ives, so…” Harry shrugged, holding up his hand to stop Fatima, Amir, Ellie and Jo from celebrating. “It’s not official.”
“But you fancy each other, yeah?” Amir grinned. “That’s enough, innit?”
“So it’s really not fake this time?” Dax asked, looking at Harry as he spoke. “You’re genuinely in love?”
“Mate,” Harry said, a red colour crossing his cheekbones. “You just saw us shagging in the shower.”
Jo howled with laughter and Ellie giggled, looking over at Fatima who was having trouble holding Amir up as he was pretending to faint from shock. Even Dax had trouble not laughing at that, a single chuckle escaping his lips as he studied Y/N and Harry who were both flustered, hair still a mess from just having gotten out of the shower. Harry took a step closer to Y/N, nudging her with his hips. Once their eyes met, Y/N was taken back to their shared moment in the shower, blushing furiously again.
“Alright,” Dax said, smiling at them. “I guess I was just offended.”
“Don’t make this about yourself, bruv,” Amir said, walking over to stand between Y/N and Harry, flinging his arms over their shoulders. “Everything’s back to normal, innit?”
“Well, a new normal,” Harry pointed out. “We still have to figure out a lot of things.”
“Ah, well, that’ll come easy,” Amir smiled. “Bottom line, for us, nothing’s really gonna change. We always thought you were together, and now you’re actually together.”
Y/N looked over at Fatima who shrugged, clearly agreeing with her cousin.
Amir patted them each on the shoulder, grinning from ear to ear. “We came here to check if Harry was alright. Haven’t heard from you in a couple of days, mate.”
“No, I’ve…” Harry’s eyes flickered over to Y/N before he met Amir’s eyes again. “Been a bit… well, sad.”
“That’s okay,” Amir said. “You feeling better now?”
“Yeah, yeah,” Harry smiled, looking at Y/N again. “Loads.”
“Wicked.” Amir gave Harry a pat on the back. “Pub, anyone?”
“It’s not even noon,” Fatima said, raising her eyebrows at Amir.
“Who cares? Everyone’s about to go back to their everyday lives, think we should just spend a day doing nothing in particular, don’t you?” Amir looked around the ground with his mouth agape in anticipation.
“Actually,” Harry said, looking apologetically at Amir. “Y/N and I gotta go to the farm real quick.”
Amir’s face fell. “Why?”
“We just need to talk to Jessa, Gracie, lolo, and uncle Timmy. You know…” Harry motioned with his arms before him. “About what Y/N and I did.”
“Ahh!” Amir gave Harry’s back a pat, nodding his head. “Yeah, alright.”
Y/N’s heart fell again. She hadn’t even thought of that. They would have to face Jessa and Grace as well, and apologise for what they had done. Y/N wouldn’t be mad at Jessa if she didn’t forgive her or Harry for this. After all, they had lied to her all summer, not thinking that they’d end up actually falling in love with one another in the end.
“You’ll pop by later, then? Balcony?” Dax asked, Harry nodding as an answer that they would. “Wicked! See you in an hour or summat then.”
Y/N and Harry watched as the others made their way over to Dax’s car, Amir jumping onto Jo’s back and Ellie laughing her ass off when Jo almost face-planted from the unexpected impact. Harry walked over to Y/N, raising his eyebrows slowly as if to ask
Hadn’t been there since everything had happened. This was where her family had shown up and where Dominic had dragged Harry to the ground. The thought made her sick. Her family had all been here and she had let them treat Harry like that. Taking a deep breath, Y/N just looked at the farm, feeling as if she should just turn back around and walk away from it all. She didn’t deserve to be close to Jessa, or Grace, or lolo-
“Flower?”
She looked at Harry who was watching her with big eyes.
“You alright?”
“No. Not really, no.”
Harry nodded slightly. “Yeah, it’s… I mean, it’s gonna be alright. I know it is. But Jessa… Blimey, I hate disappointing Jessa.”
“Has she given you a hard time before for disappointing her?”
“Yeah, and it was just as you can expected it to,” Harry chuckled. “She would give me the cold shoulder and make me feel bad till I finally gave in and apologised.”
“Oh, my word, Harry, we should’ve done this sooner-“
“-We weren’t on speaking terms then, were we?” Harry reasoned. “We have spent days trying to talk, and now we have. We’ve always needed to do this together. Don’t think it would’ve been completely alright till you came with to apologise as well, Jessa wouldn’t think so.”
Y/N nodded. “Yeah, I-“
“-Harry?”
They both turned to look at Jessa as she walked out of the hen house, lolo’s straw hat on her head and walking slowly, as if she couldn’t quite believe what she was seeing.
“Y/N?”
Hearing Jessa say her name was surreal, especially after everything. She didn’t sound mad; she didn’t sound disappointed. In fact, she just sounded confused, as if the sight before her was the most peculiar yet familiar thing in the world. Not wanting to postpone this any longer, Y/N started walking towards the farm, Harry following close behind her. As they walked through the gate, Jessa stopped walking, holding onto her basket filled with eggs as she watched them move to her. The door to the main house opened, Grace and lolo along with Tim stood there, eyes on Harry and Y/N as they stopped in front of Jessa. They were sure the others could hear them, Grace even walked a little closer as if she wanted to run to Harry and Y/N, but stopped herself as she noticed they were directing all their attention at Jessa.
“How are you feeling?” Jessa asked Harry, eyes scanning him from head to toe. “Not had any other hypo situations?”
“No,” Harry answered quickly. “No, I’ve been alright.”
Jessa nodded, eyes falling on Y/N. “They’ve gone back to Hampshire?”
Jessa didn’t have to say who she was talking about for Y/N to understand completely. The chat she had with Jessa Tuesday the week before still fresh in her mind. Y/N nodded as an answer to Jessa’s question. “They left a few days ago.”
“Good,” Jessa answered curtly. “Didn’t like them. Quite rude of them to just show up to a party like that unannounced.”
“Yeah, they’ve never much considered other people’s feelings.”
A small smile flickered over Jessa’s lips. “No, I could tell.”
Y/N smiled back a little, looking up to meet Harry’s eyes. She could tell he was about to speak, but she beat him to it, whipping her head in Jessa’s direction again. “We’re so sorry.” She glanced at Grace, lolo, and Tim as well. “So sorry.”
Harry looked away from Y/N at the others. “It’s all my fault.”
“Harry-“
“-No, Y/N, it is.” Harry let out a huge sigh, meeting Jessa’s eyes. “I’m sorry, nanay. I’ve always told you everything. Always. But you were fussing so much about how I was lonely at Clodgy, something I wasn’t. I was perfectly okay up there by myself, I like my own company. Ever since Emilia… well, I like being alone. But… But…” Harry stopped, growing red in the cheeks. “You know… I thought if I pretended to have a girlfriend, you’d get off my back a bit.” He let out a chuckle. “I should’ve known better, though. You just want what’s best for me, so you want to know every detail of everything.”
Jessa was eerily silent, not moving an inch.
“And I know it was a fucking daft move, alright? Well out of line for me to lie about something like that, a-and… and…” Harry looked down at Y/N. “And especially stupid of me to drag Y/N into it. She had no idea what she did when she went along to pretend to be my girlfriend on Fore Street that day.”
“Hang on,” Grace said, frowning. “We met Y/N on Fore Street.”
“Yeah, that was the first time I met Y/N myself.”
“That same day?” Tim asked.
“Yes.”
“And you just asked someone to me your fake girlfriend to further your lie?” Tim still sounded confused. Y/N’s palms were getting clammy.
“Y-Yes.” Harry nodded his head. “It’s entirely my fault.”
“Harry, no.” Y/N looked up at him. “I helped.”
“It wasn’t your idea, was it?”
Y/N was about to protest, said that it didn’t matter, but Harry went on.
“I went to the Inn to tell Y/N not to worry about this fake relationship of ours, ‘cause… I couldn’t keep it from you, Jessa. I couldn’t lie to you like that.” Harry sighed again. “But you had already told everyone, so we would’ve looked well stupid to just tell everyone that we lied, it wasn’t true, we weren’t a couple.”
“As opposed to everyone finding out at the party last Friday that it had been fake all this time?” Jessa asked, making both Harry and Y/N shut up.
A small silence stretched out then, when the only sound they heard was the wind blowing through the trees around them and the hens in the hen house. Y/N looked around at everyone before her, trying to see all of their reactions. No one spoke for what felt like a century, and it was hard to see what any of them thoughts because panic was starting to rise within Y/N. Did they all hate her? No one was saying anything, did they really detest her? What her and Harry had done, they’d never forgive them, would they? Y/N felt lightheaded, sure that she had never been anticipating an answer from someone as much as she was anticipating these people before her.
Suddenly, Jessa took a small step forward, her head cocked and eyes flicking between Y/N and Harry. She looked thoughtful, though no anger could be detected on her face.
“You know,” Jessa started, clutching the egg basket a little closer to her. “I never once doubted you two weren’t an item. Not once.”
Harry’s cheeks got redder, eyes falling to the ground.
“But I don’t think that’s something to be embarrassed about, Harry,” Jessa said, voice very soft all of a sudden and Y/N felt like crying. “I could tell there was something between you two that I hadn’t seen between you and Emilia, Harry. After Emilia left,” Jessa said, looking at Y/N now. “Harry was very sad at first, but I had never seen him as happy as that time after all that mourning. He was so, so happy. Just as he deserved. Wasn’t easy, losing his father… or my husband, like that.”
Y/N nodded, understanding that it must’ve been a grief unlike anything anyone would ever have the capability to explain.
“But the second you came into his life - when you arrived in St Ives, to be more specific, ‘cause you were kind of there while Harry lied about having a girlfriend – but when you came into his life… something in him shifted. He was still happy, still himself, but it comes easier to him now to articulate himself. To find his words. He had huge trouble with that before. Always had. Words, new beginnings, new opportunities, it’s all come easier to him since you came into his life. And that-“ Jessa pointed her finger at Harry’s chest as she met his eyes again. “-That is why I’m not mad now.”
Harry blinked.
“Whatever is going on between you two, it’s not fake. If you’re saying that, if you’ve ever said that or believed that, you’ve lied to yourselves, not to anyone else,” Jessa said. “Yes, you’ve lied to us about being in a relationship. Yes, it was a tragic thing to do.”
Harry winced at her words, nodding his head. Y/N knew she must’ve had the same reaction, but she didn’t know or care what she looked like just then. All she cared about was Jessa, Grace, lolo, and Tim.
“But,” Jessa continued. “I would’ve been mad if you two weren’t in love at all. I’m disappointed it took you two this long to admit it, but I guess that’s what happens when you’re both as oblivious as each other.” She let out a sigh. “You’re forgiven.” She met Y/N’s eyes, smiling. “Both of you.”
Y/N bit her lip as it started to tremble, everything she had felt these last few minutes finally leaving her. Relief and peace finally flooded through her veins.
“I meant what I said that day, Y/N,” Jessa said, taking Y/N’s hand with her free one. “You are loved unconditionally here, with us.”
Y/N nodded her head, squeezing Jessa’s hand.
“Right,” Jessa grinned, looking up at Harry. “Free for a cuppa, my lovelies?”
“No, uhm…” Harry ran a hand through his hair, smiling down at Jessa. “We’re going to the pub with the gang. Getting a quick pint in before summer ends.”
“How nice,” Jessa said. “You two will pop by tomorrow then?”
“Yes,” Y/N answered, and Jessa’s smile widened. The older woman took a few steps toward Y/N, wrapping her arm around her in a hug. Y/N hugged her back, forcing back the tears she felt pressing on.
“We’ll see you then,” Jessa said, going in to hug Harry next.
“See you!” Grace grinned as she ran over, arms outstretched for Y/N. Y/N giggled, hoping no one heard her strangled sob. She bent down, hugging Grace to her, closing her eyes as Grace’s hold on Y/N tightened. Lolo and Tim came over as well, both smiling at Y/N and giving her hugs, patting and stroking her back, as if they both knew how much she needed it. Harry and Y/N said the last few goodbyes to their family before they walked over to Harry’s van, sitting back there in silence.
Harry suddenly turned to look at Y/N, leaning over to take her face in his hands so roughly and unexpectedly that Y/N squealed. He kissed her firmly on the lips, leaving small pecks all over her face as a grin erupted across his lips. Y/N laughed, holding onto his wrists and closing her eyes until he stopped. All the way to The Balcony Bar and Kitchen, Harry held onto Y/N’s hand, clutching onto it between changing gears, never once letting go voluntarily. Y/N thought this was quite funny, but she didn’t say this. She appreciated how he wanted to stay close to her all he could, whenever he could, just as he had said last night at 3am.
The Balcony Bar and Kitchen was an old pub, but at the far end of the pub, the entire wall facing the beach was made out of tall windows. Y/N could make out their little gang sitting at one of the tables, talking merrily amongst themselves as her and Harry strolled up to the bar.
“What do you fancy?” Harry asked her, standing so close that their sides were flush against one another. Y/N suddenly wanted to be back in the Clodgy cottage again so Harry could make up for before, as he had promised her he would once they were back there later. A chill went up her spine and she smiled, loving the fact that she could stand there and imagine a future, no matter how near or far away it was, where Harry was present.
“Whatever you’re having,” Y/N said simply.
“Sure?”
“Yeah.”
“Really sure?”
“Really, really sure, in fact.”
Harry chuckled, ordering two pints from the bartender who had come up to them just then.
“Y/N.”
Once again, Y/N felt like she could’ve done without hearing that voice again. She thought she would’ve heard it for the last time at the end of summer party, but she guessed she hadn’t been that lucky. Looking to her right, she saw Emilia standing there. Harry tensed to her left, watching as the bartender made them their pints.
“Could we have a chat?” Emilia asked, taking Y/N completely off guard. It took her a few tries to get the correct words out, but Y/N managed to utter a quick, “Yeah,” to which Emilia smiled gratefully.
“I’ll take these to our table,” Harry said to Y/N, giving Emilia a smile before he walked back over to their little group by the window.
Emilia inhaled slowly, looking down at the bar counter before she met Y/N’s eyes again. “It’s been a weird summer, hasn’t it?”
Y/N was still not sure what was going on or why Emilia was trying to make small talk. If she wanted to say something to Y/N, then she should just say it right away. Y/N had people she’d rather be with.
Emilia must’ve sensed Y/N’s confusion at what was going on, so she sighed and turned to look at Y/N fully. “I just wanna talk about everything. I could tell there was a bit of tension between us at the end of summer party.”
Y/N rested her elbow on the counter beside her. “Yeah, there was.”
“I just wanted to talk that out, ‘cause I don’t know what you think, but it’s a bit stupid to have gotten off on the wrong foot like this when we barely know each other, isn’t it?”
Y/N took a moment to study Emilia, trying to decipher if the words she had just spoken were genuine. “Yeah.”
“I came back from Munich and found out that Harry had a girlfriend, and I was delighted. He-“
“-You were?” Y/N asked.
“Yes, of course,” Emilia answered. “Harry deserves to be happy.”
Y/N tried not to let it show on her face that she was shocked by this news. “He does.”
“I was told he had a girlfriend, and the second we met, I just felt like you didn’t like me.”
She shrugged her shoulders. “Was a bit hard to when you used the power you know you have over Harry to show me that you still have the ability to make him do anything you want. And I think you got the idea that I ‘didn’t like you’ when I told Harry I felt uncomfortable with this, and he stopped giving you attention.”
Emilia fell quiet.
“Am I right?”
“You don’t know what happened between us, Harry and I.”
“I do, in fact. Harry’s told me.”
Emilia’s mouth was a thin line now. “Alright. My boyfriend of one year back in Munich broke up with me and I was sad about it. It was wrong of me to seek comfort in Harry, I’m sorry.”
Y/N raised her eyebrows some. “So… my theory’s correct? You wanted to know that you still exerted some dominance over Harry, even after all those years, and have him crawl back to you so you’d feel… what, better about yourself after being broken up with? Did you want someone to make you feel better?”
“I’m aware it was wrong of me, okay-“
“-No, I don’t think you get how fucking disgusting that is.”
Emilia turned silent again, blinking at Y/N.
“You didn’t even talk to him after you left. His dad died and his girlfriend broke up with him, he was left completely broken ‘cause of you, but he’s too good to say any of this to your face,” Y/N said, taking a small step forward.
“I left because of my mental health.”
“And that’s valid, but you should also know that by doing that, you left a hole in Harry that it took a while for him to fill up himself. You don’t get to walk in and out of someone’s life whenever it suits you, especially when they’re doing so much better now than they ever did with you there.”
Emilia looked away.
“It might feel like it, but you’re not the only person in the world that possesses feelings. We all do. The way you keep treating others and neglecting the fact that your actions will stay with them forever, is a dangerous sort of ignorance that I suggest you do something about.”
“You don’t even know me.”
“I don’t want to. I’ve heard enough from everyone else.” Y/N shrugged her shoulders. “It’s not my decision to make, but in my opinion, you should think twice before you try and make a place for yourself in Harry’s life again. His friends and family don’t really have a great picture of you any longer.”
Emilia sighed, meeting Y/N’s eyes again. “You know, I get where you’re coming from.”
It was Y/N’s turn to be silent now.
“You want to protect Harry, make sure nothing happens to him, and I know I hurt him bad, so naturally you don’t want me in his life. But, as you said, that’s his call,” Emilia said. “I shouldn’t have gone after Harry when I came back from Munich, it was stupid of me, especially considering how happy he looked with you. Granted, it was all fake, but I know Harry and I could tell he fancied the pants off you.”
Y/N gave Emilia a small smile, trying to make some sort of peace.
“I won’t stand in the way of you two.”
“I appreciate that. I’m sure Harry does as well.”
Emilia nodded, giving Y/N a smile.
“Y/N!” Fatima called from where she sat with all the others. When Y/N looked in their direction, she simply could not help her smile. They were all chatting amongst themselves, laughing at something, and Fatima and Harry were looking her way, beckoning her over.
“Hope you have a good day, Emilia,” Y/N said-
“You too, Y/N.”
And with that, Y/N walked back over to her friends. Harry wrapped an arm around her shoulders, bringing her to him where he stood at the edge of the table, everyone else perched on bar stools around the tall table. Fatima clinked her glass against Y/N’s, Jo grinned in Y/N’s direction, while Ellie, Amir and Dax were in an animated discussion about something Y/N didn’t catch. Harry leaned down, pressing a small peck to Y/N’s temple, and the grin that spread out across Y/N’s smile almost hurt. A sort of restless anticipation mingled with such utter contentment that it was hard for her to think she’d ever lived, breathed, loved, anywhere but right there in St Ives.
Thursday, 10 September
The universe would always balance itself out, Y/N McKay was aware of this. She was aware that if she had faith and believed everything happens for a reason, it would make the tough times of her life easier to mentally handle. If she did good, the universe would work to give back to her in some other form. And now, after a summer randomly spent in Cornwall, she had found it in herself to believe in destiny as well.
She believed that there was a place where she belonged. People she was supposed to meet, and places she was supposed to see. These people, places, and feelings would help you along the road to self-realisation. They would shape her and make everything make sense, would make all the suffering and the struggles she had faced up until then worth it in a way. Each one of the people Y/N had met in St Ives had had that effect on her. They had made her realise things about herself and her life that she would never have figured out without them. She took that summer with her for the rest of her life; letting the sun beams of St Ives shine through in her smile, the goodness of the locals reflect in her own acts of kindness, the calming feeling of walking along the sand of Porthminster Beach show in her warmness and relaxing effect on the people around her.
Y/N had no idea when she walked out of the door of the building in Bethnal Green, London that September 10th that the summer she had just experienced would play that big of a role in shaping the continuation of her entire life. She had no idea that she would receive top marks on her UCAT she took in Bethnal Green, the following day. Nor that she would attend University of Plymouth for the next six years, graduating with a degree in Dentistry. And she had no idea that, even after all those years, she’d still be with the lighthouse keeper of St Ives. Only now that she was done with University, she moved back to her hometown, to her family, friends, and boyfriend, and would live there for the rest of her life.
No, Y/N didn’t know any of that as she walked out after her UCAT on the second Thursday of September that year. She chose not to think too much about her future at that time, realising that whatever would be, would be, and there was nothing she could change about that now.
Harry, who had driven her to London that day, was stood by his car not too far away, looking down at his phone as he replied to a text. She was sure no one had ever stood by their car like this, with no other agenda than to wait for her before this. Then again, Harry would always do stuff like this as if it was the most natural thing in the world for him, expecting nothing in return. Which had come as a shock to Y/N at first, but once she realised she was doing the same thing for the people she loved as well, she understood.
The UCAT had been awful, at least at first. The questions were difficult, she had to rack her brain properly for most of them, and she could swear she had heard someone crying at one point. She had to put a hand on her own cheek to check for tears, scared that it had been her. But then, during the chaos of everything, she remembered what Harry had said to her when they woke up in the Clodgy cottage that same morning, “It’s a beautiful day to do beautiful things,” and her nerves calmed themselves considerably. Because he was right. It was a beautiful day and she would do beautiful things. The thought of getting out of there and to Harry again was enough motivation to get her through the rest of the UCAT.
Upon hearing some footsteps, Harry looked in the direction of where they were coming. He instantly shoved his phone back down into the pockets of his denim jeans, smiling at Y/N as she approached him.
“How’d it go?” he asked.
She shrugged her shoulders. “I’ve got a good feeling,” she admitted, walking over to where he was standing. “But I don’t want to get my hopes up. I get the results back in 24 hours.”
Harry huffed, sliding his thumb reassuringly over her cheek. “You know what I think?”
“Think I already do.”
“You’ll do amazing, the results will be exactly as you dreamed they’d be, and life will be ama-“
“-Amazing,” Y/N finished, making Harry chuckle. “You’ve said that word a lot this last month.”
“Can you blame me?” Harry asked, resting his hand at the back of her neck, bringing her to him so he could plant a kiss to her forehead. “Everything’s been amazing this last month. So I therefore believe that the UCAT results will reflect that.”
Y/N giggled again, walking over to the other side of Harry’s van and getting in. The two of them got comfortable and Harry started driving back to St Ives. Y/N knew how much Harry hated London, and especially the traffic there. He had made it very clear when they had entered the capital that he couldn’t stand Londoners, something that made Y/N giggle. She never saw him have proper road rage, this was the first time she’d ever truly seen it, and it has been more entertaining than she had thought.
He was no better on their way out of the city, hissing curse words under his breath as he honked at reckless drivers or pedestrians that crossed the street without any regard for oncoming traffic. Y/N knew that no matter what, she could not end up attending a University in London, because Harry would not survive the trips to and from the capital.
It was a long drive back to St Ives and she fell asleep once they were out of London and Harry didn’t wake her. He knew she had been stressing the last few weeks to revise and get everything ready for the UCAT, and now that everything was over, he must’ve thought she deserved a small break from it all, some time to relax. When Y/N woke up in St Ives a few hours later, she smiled a little to herself, looking down at the tote bag by her feet that she had filled with books. She had been ready to read out loud to Harry, but she had simply not had the energy this time around.
“Alright?” Harry asked, smiling over at Y/N as he drove up the hill to Clodgy Lighthouse. He took her hand, kissing her palm softly.
“Just dead tired,” Y/N answered, yawning slightly. “I might take a nap once we’re back.”
“Or you can wake up.”
She blinked, looking over at Harry who was smiling a little to himself. “What do you mean?”
“I’ll show you,” Harry said, grinning now as he killed the engine.
Not really knowing what he had planned, Y/N was apprehensive at first. She saw Harry walk over to the field beside the cottage, not really caring to know what he was doing. She was too tired for that. Next, she rubbed her eyes and took her seatbelt off, climbing out of the van to join him. Harry ran for the lighthouse and Y/N followed, smiling at his eagerness to wake her up. The sun was shining brightly above them, not a single cloud in sight, and even though it was September, it was fairly warm out despite the wind.
Harry showed the way up the lighthouse, grinning back at her every once in a while. And though Y/N wanted to ask him what he was up to this time around, she didn’t bother. She knew he’d be cryptic or leave her hanging, neither option seemed very appealing now that she was slightly irritable because of her lack of sleep. Harry opened the door out onto the gallery deck, letting Y/N wander out first. She raised her eyebrows some but did as she supposed he wanted her to. Walking out onto the deck, the wind hit her hard across the face. If you stood directly facing it, it was impossible to open your eyes completely. She could see what Harry meant by this being a method to wake up some.
“Please,” Harry said. “Go along.”
Y/N furrowed her brows, but walked further onto the deck, even though she was sure Harry would’ve fit perfectly fine next to where she had originally standing.
“I’ll owe you my life if you just go along for a minute or two, yeah?”
Y/N’s frown deepened as she looked at him. “What?”
“I don’t usually do this,” Harry grinned. “I mean, I never do this. I’ve never done this before. But, you see…” He walked closer to her, taking her face in his hands. “My mum and my sister think I’ve got a girlfriend and I don’t.”
Y/N’s heart instantly melted, and she felt herself grinning right back at him.
“I was wondering, if it’s not too much to ask, of course, if you’d like to be my girlfriend? My real, proper girlfriend.”
She laughed, shaking her head at him before taking a grip of his shirt and bringing him closer. Though she didn’t know why Harry needed to do this at the top of the lighthouse, right under the light that guided sailors home, she didn’t mind. This felt right. This felt like them. This was them. It was real, it felt silly, unexpected, and a little odd, but that was what it felt like being with Harry.
She looked up into his eyes, grinning from ear to ear. “I’ll be your real, proper girlfriend.”
Harry let out a breath of relief and grinned down at her, bringing her closer to him and planting a misplaced kiss onto her lips. They both giggled against one another. It hadn’t struck Y/N until now that they hadn’t made it official like this. Too much had been on her mind, she hadn’t allowed much else besides the UCAT to take up her time prior to this moment, but how that it had finally happened, Y/N felt just as relieved as Harry looked to be. She was glad that Harry had waited until now, after the UCAT, to ask, and she was also very glad to see how eager he had been to ask her.
Harry pulled away, detaching a hand from where it had rested at her neck, and held out a bellflower that he had picked outside the cottage. Reaching forward, he placed the bellflower behind Y/N’s ear, smiling to himself as he looked at it, the smile widening as he met her eyes. Y/N felt like she could burst with happiness in that very moment, probably lighting up all the oceans of the world with how much she was radiating.
“My bell room,” Harry said, touching the bellflower resting by her ear before he brought her in for another kiss.
A HUGE thank you to my amazing and beautiful beta readers! Couldn’t have written ST without them!
🌊 @aileenacoustic 🌊 @bopbopstyles 🌊 @fromyourstrulyh 🌊 @harrys-shrooms 🌊 @honeydearly 🌊 @sunflowers-styles 🌊 @watermelonsuger 🌊 @withallthelove-a 🌊
And so it’s over 😭 Thank you thank you thank you! From the bottom of my heart, thank you to each one of you who have been reading, reblogging, come to chat, or sent any sort of love ST’s way the last few months! There is something so liberating and beautiful about creating a world in which you feel peace, and then find that others find that same peace, that same sense of belonging, within the same world as you 💖 Each one of you remind me of why I continue to share my writing on here! Thank you for making writing, Tumblr, and fic fun! You all have my heart 💘 I LOVE YOU 💞💞
As for next fic project, as I’ve gotten quite a few questions about that already !! I’m gonna take a break from writing! Maybe a month, maybe two, dunno! I’ll still be writing some deleted scenes from ST and posting onto my Patreon, but as for a full 10+ chaptered fic, which is what I want to write next, I don’t know! But, as always, I’ll be tagging my posts with new fic tags and planning whenever I get an idea !!!! So keep an eye out lmao !!!!
Besides that, here are two songs I imagine would be playing if the end credits to ST was rolling right now 🐚 You can find the rest of the ST playlist here!
As ST!Harry said, I love you immeasurably, and as Jessa said, you’ll always have a home and a place you belong, here, in the ST universe 🌊
Your bestie,
Nora ✨✨
FIC PAGE | COME TALK !!!
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#harry styles#harry styles fanfiction#harry styles x you#harry styles x reader#harry styles smut#harry styles fluff#harry styles angst#harry styles fic#1dff#I'M SO SAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAD#BUT ALSO CANNOT WAIT TO HEAR WHAT YOU LOT THINK!!!!
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Only One Choice, Chapter 16
Read it here on AO3 / Tagging @today-in-fic
She stands on the rain-soaked sidewalk, staring up at the silhouette of the steeple against the grey sky. Church has always been a place to come home to, and yet she’s dreading walking through these doors.
Ethan slips his hand into hers, all long fingers and soft palm, and she looks at him.
“Ready?” he asks softly, and she nods once.
They push through the imposing wooden doors and enter the anteroom, turning to the right to find Father O’Dowell’s office. Ethan raps thrice on the door frame and a gruff voice commands them to enter.
“Dana, Ethan, please sit down,” he directs as they enter the room, and they take the seats across from his desk. “You’re ready to begin your Pre-Cana, then?” he asks over his bifocals, and they nod in unison.
Ethan reaches across the armrest to take the hand in her lap and she holds it limply, her stomach twisting as though it’s attempting to turn itself inside out. She probably should have eaten breakfast.
“As you both know,” Father O’Dowell begins, “marriage between two baptized Catholics such as yourselves is a sacrament. Much as Jesus turned water into wine in Cana, your marriage will be a miracle, becoming something greater and more powerful than you are alone. Your marriage will be a symbol which reveals the Lord Jesus and through which his divine life and love are communicated.”
He pauses to consider them, and she works hard to keep her expression neutral, if not leaning ever so slightly towards pleased. She can’t let the panic in her belly find its way to her face in front of this priest.
“Have you discussed your sacramental marriage commitment to each other, under all circumstances? You are each entering into this union with the intention to die married to one another, forsaking all others?” he says, giving her a pointed look.
Is she imagining it, or is he directing all of this towards her and not Ethan? She swallows and then nods softly.
“Alright,” he continues, opening a folder and sifting through several sheets of paper, “let’s talk, then, about how to prepare for a successful marriage, so that you might spend eternity as man and wife.”
Eternity.
———
“You okay?,” Ethan asks, sitting down beside her on the couch and resting his hand on the back of her neck with a brief squeeze.
She nods. “That was just...a lot,” she replies with tired eyes.
Two hours spent talking to Father O’Dowell about how they’d raise their children, how they’d keep Christ present in their marriage daily, what holiday traditions they wanted to create for their family, how they will approach conflict resolution. As a private person, these conversations feel invasive and embarrassing, but even more than that she is shell shocked by how many times he used the word eternity. Of course she knows that what she is signing on for is the rest of her life with Ethan, but the hammering home of the eternity bit along with the fact that divorce is out of the question was a bit jarring.
“You want me to stay?” Ethan asks with a concerned look. “I can cancel, it’s no big deal.”
“No,” she replies with a wave of her hand, “you should go, I think I’d actually benefit from some time alone.”
“Right, before we spend ETERNITY together,” he replies with a smirk, and she knows it’s supposed to make her laugh, but it only makes her want to run. “Okay. I’m gonna get going then, and I’ll see you tomorrow evening. I think maybe around 7, but it’ll depend on traffic. You don’t need to wait for me for dinner or anything.”
She sighs deeply. “Okay, have fun. Be safe.” She forces a weak smile.
He kisses her twice, whispers I love you into her ear, and leaves with a suitcase in hand for his college buddy’s bachelor party in Philly.
She flops to the side so that she’s laying on the couch, and spends a long while staring blankly at the ceiling.
Eternity.
That’s a very long time. The unequivocal unacceptability of divorce makes it feel longer. Realistically, of course catholic people get divorced, it happens. But how could she put her mother through that? And why is she moving forward with marrying a man if she’s considering the possibility of divorce before they’re even married?
Sitting up, she runs her hands over the skirt of her baby blue dress, the church-appropriate outfit she wore even on a day that is unseasonably cool and dreary. Always dressing for the occasion, doing what is expected of her. Always making the right choice.
She stands, grabbing her purse and keys, and leaves the apartment. She needs to be somewhere else, anywhere else. She needs to escape for a bit.
She’s been driving aimlessly for some time with the radio off when she finds herself parked in front of 2630 Hegal Place. She exits the car and walks around the block, letting the gentle rain soak her shoulders and seep into her heels. Three times. Four times. On the fifth trip, she approaches the front doors of the building.
She pauses with her hand on the door handle, too afraid to ask herself what she’s doing here. She just wants to stop thinking for a little bit. About Ethan, about marriage, about eternity. She just wants to exist for a little bit as Dana, just herself, without any of that baggage. She pulls the door open.
Mulder greets her with a dazed expression, wearing grey sweatpants and no shirt. He stares at her for a long moment, taking in the beads of water trailing off the ends of her soaked hair and her chattering jaw. He looks a little afraid, like a grenade with the pin pulled just appeared on his doorstep. All she has to do is let go and the explosion is inevitable, along with the destruction.
She opens her mouth to speak, but she can’t find words. She searches his face, looking for some reason to stay or to leave. Looking for an answer. His eyes darken a little and at that moment she lets go. She feels the tick tick tick of the timer; it’s already too late to stop. She moves one step beyond his threshold and drops her purse on the floor unceremoniously before threading her wet arms around the back of his neck, their mouths coming together like sea and shore. His lips are warm and pliant, hints of coffee and salt slick on his tongue as he slides it against her teeth. She sighs deeply, a silent moan, a giving over of control and higher reasoning, melting into the sturdy man before her as rays of sun into an oak tree.
She feels his hands warming her back, sliding down to her hips. Hips before hands, she thinks, and her pelvis bucks towards him. His hands slide down over her ass until they find the backs of her thighs, hoisting her up and onto him, carrying her like a wounded soldier into his bedroom. Her weight is dead against him, seeking only to be taken, to be had. She has nothing for him but she wants to give. Oh but she wants to give.
He sets her there on the bed, damp as a dish towel and quivering with the cold and the adrenaline. His hot lips transfer his heat to her neck, chest, face, arms. He breathes his life onto her skin, igniting her square by square until she feels like a checkerboard of warmth and chill. She’s pushed her legs wide open, welcomed the solid weight of his body to rest against her heat, and he is sending her dress higher up her thighs with eager but gentle hands.
They have not spoken a word.
As he kisses her, his fingers play tentatively at the hem of her panties, seeking permission or watching for objection. Finding none, he allows one index finger to slip behind the gusset that covers her soaked vulva, the flat of his fingernail brushing along her lips and sending shockwaves down her legs. He lets out a long, staggered breath and repeats the movement quickly a few times, groaning as her breath catches and she bucks into him. She has never wanted anyone more in her entire life. Has never needed anyone as much as she needs him now.
And then his head is between her legs, and he’s pulling her panties to the side as the rigid tip of his tongue flicks at her experimentally. She gasps audibly, a half-cry escaping her throat that catches as his finger delves inside of her, stealing the breath from her lungs. Her head lolls back, mouth agape and rapidly drying out as she struggles for air. His lips are sucking and nipping, his tongue prodding and stroking, while his fingers flutter against a place that she is only just now realizing exists. She feels a warm tingle in her toes, a flood of dopamine coursing through her, rendering her incapable of rational thought. She is high on sex and pleasure and Mulder and if this were a drug she could buy, she would go broke tomorrow.
Gathering, building, peaking, she is a swell on still waters, giving nothing away of the chaos that rages below. When she starts coming, she cries out “oh,” which is the first word either of them has said. Oh, and she’s exploding around him, and across his tongue. Oh, and he’s flexing his finger inside her, drawing it out. Oh, and as the tidal wave of release begins to recede, the awareness of what has just happened settles over her. Oh, oh, oh.
Oh, what has she done?
Oh, god.
Oh, no.
She recoils from him, pushing up into a sitting position on the bed as her hand comes to her mouth in horror.
“Scully?” he asks, reaching for her, and she pushes his hand off her knee.
She’s shaking her head, her eyes wild and unbelieving. She has to go. She has to get out. She slides off the bed and makes her way wordlessly to the foyer.
“Scully, what’s going on, are you okay?” He follows her, his fading erection still nudging the front of his sweatpants, his lips glistening with her wetness. She can’t look at him.
Her wet shoes are returned to her feet, her purse hanging haphazardly from her elbow. Mulder is looking at her with fear and confusion. She thinks he might try to stop her from leaving.
Swallowing hard to bring moisture to her throat, she forces out a strangled “I’m so sorry,” and then she goes, she runs. Down the stairwell because she can’t bear to wait for the elevator, out into the now pouring rain and behind the wheel of her car. She drives fast and recklessly, nothing left worth trying to protect.
Oh, what has she done?
#the x files#txf#dana scully#fox mulder#gillovny#msr#sculder#x files#x files fanfic#alternate universe
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i feel like this is gonna be an unpopular opinion but i sometimes see people talk about grizzop as a sort of paragon of logic and morality and it always bugs me.
bc like. yes, i love grizzop. and i think it’s clear that he is very much trying to be good, and he’s very committed to doing what he sees as the right thing.
but the same are true for azu and hamid and plenty of characters, and i don’t think he’s any better at moral reasoning than most of the rest of the party. i think the impression that he is comes from his unshakeable confidence and his mastery of what I’ve started to think of as catholic logic.
(this is fairly stream of consciousness and i’m not gonna tag it bc it’s not gonna be entirely coherent or especially well argued, i’m just getting some thoughts down. but my understanding is that sometimes untagged stuff shows up in search, plus ig i have followers, so feel free to reply and discuss this, i’d actually love that. but not much i say here is stuff i’m super confident about so... please don’t get too offended by my wrongness. just tell me why you feel im wrong without aggression, or move on.)
the first bit is the confidence. we don’t ever see grizzop have a moral crisis in the way that most of the other characters do. I can’t think of a time that he’s appeared to look back on something he’s done and wonder if it was wrong; the closest that occurs to me is when he regretted shooting the guy’s legs off in the cairo bar, but tbh i think that was more of a judgement error where he expected to hurt the person much less than he did. we don’t see him question things like flooding the orc town near damascus or dragging sasha into the politics of ancient rome when she didn’t want to be, and honestly, i think this lack is mostly to do with how short a time he was with the party.
most of the arcs he were present for were focused on hamid and sasha’s growth. where he played respectively the accuser and the protector, both roles that made him look good because they cast him as the arbiter of who was right.
i think hamid, especially, bought into this in the cairo arc, because i think hamid is very consciously in the process of recalibrating his moral compass at the time and he has a marked tendency to do so based on the people he admires-- and the loudest voice in the room. hamid really doesn’t like people he admires having a problem with him, and he already felt that he wasn’t necessarily a good person, so he was very open to seeing grizzop or azu as the authority on whether he could be good, and since grizzop pushed where azu prevaricated, grizzop was the one who got the final say.
but in the same arc, you can see sasha and azu starting to question grizzop’s moral compass; sasha notices how legalistic grizzop’s judgement is, and that it really ought to condemn her too, while azu takes issue with how brutal grizzop’s methods are (see punching wilde). but neither of them are willing to press the issue with him at that point, and so he’s never really confronted with something that contradicts him.
and notably, grizzop’s confidence comes from the obvious source: he believes that artemis is inviolably good, and he knows she approves of what he’s doing because his powers still work. but there’s an arrogance here, too, a very strong belief in his own moral superiority with the slightest confirmation; look at rome, where he refuses to listen to azu and ed’s assertions that there’s something wrong with the gods there, because he was able to bull through to artemis the one time he tried, so obviously he must just be a better paladin of a better god, right?
grizzop has very strong beliefs and opinions, and he takes whatever route works best to fulfill them-- both in terms of actions, and in terms of logic. take his decision to forgive/endorse hamid near the end of the cairo arc: by his own assertions, people should experience consequences for their actions, and we know he knows what manslaughter is because he brings it up when hamid first starts talking about accidental murder. but where saleh and carter belong in jail because they’re ~bad~, hamid is allowed to continue on because he’s ‘trying to be better’, never mind that that was hamid’s whole argument about why saleh didn’t deserve to go to jail. plus, saleh’s one goal when he thought he’d killed someone was to resurrect them, which imo makes a lot more sense as a redemptive gesture than going around killing entirely unrelated people. the rules are different because grizzop likes hamid (and probably a bit because ben didn’t want to break the party, but shhh).
this twisting of the logic to fit what you’re trying to prove is what i mean by ‘catholic logic’ (i’m catholic dont @ me); it sounds really good if you don’t think about it too hard, but in fact it’s generally post-facto rationalizations for decisions that have already been made.
grizzop is very enthusiastic about poking holes in other people’s moral reasoning, as we see with apophis, but i think his issue is that he’s got a blind spot when he looks at himself and his own decisions. in grizzop’s world, grizzop is right as long as artemis is still with him and everything else comes after.
now i’m personally of the opinion that alex doesn’t bother/want to engage with the idea that gods take away powers, post-poseidon nonsense, which if true i sympathize with; doing so is either going to lead to the sort of inscrutability zolf had a meltdown over, or put a player in the weird position of making their character do what alex has decided their god would require or having to entirely reinvent the character without those divine powers.
on another meta level, my understanding is that grizzop was designed to be very resistant to doubt because of ben’s difficulties playing zolf, so i think he might have been nearly as resistant to growth on that front as bertie was in general, because believing unshakeably that he’s right is a core element of his character.
but i think if grizzop had lived longer, alex absolutely would have done some hammering at that absolute conviction. that might have come in the form of vesseek and the fact that grizzop is apparently an absentee father; even if he is sending home money, i can’t imagine that not being something that gets mined for angst.
i also think he would have eventually come into a similar sort of conflict with azu, sasha, or cel (whoever was there) that zolf is in right now, where he absolutely believes that whatever killing he’s committed/intending to commit is not only right but a moral imperative, and they disagree.
now whatever side you fall on in the barrett debate, i think grizzop ought to be a lot less willing than zolf to say ‘i’m not gonna go through you lot to do it’, not because i’m convinced grizzop would be hugely more willing to physically fight the rest of the team over it, we know that despite his practicality he seems to overlook some ‘’’wobbles’’’ in people he already cares about, but because zolf is capable of giving up on something in a way that grizzop just isn’t. i dont know how that would play out; chances are, it would get interrupted by a fight, but. who knows.
#stopping not bc i think its a good ending but bc im out of energy#i welcome other people's thoughts but i know this isnt v coherent sorry
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Okay, apologies but I am going to ramble into your inbox and... ah, if you don't want me to, please just tell me?
I know I've made it clear that I'm frustrated with how the show is going but there are still tiny little details I can't stop staring at/analyzing. One such scene was when Cid was giving the boys the new job to Raxus and how Tech acted in that scene.
First off, his little jump when Cid mentioned Raxus. He was so excited about the idea, at least that's how I read his voice/expression in that second? I mean look at the boy! He likely wanted to go to Raxus his whole life, and now he gets to???
And then, even more interesting (and frustrating, because of what could have been!!!), was the fact that Tech was going to take the datadisk for the bounty from Cid. He was all for the job the instant Cid said it, because he sees it rationally instead of emotionally like everyone else in his team does.
He's going to take it but Hunter snatches it before Tech can, as Tech was the only one for taking the job at that instant. He even looks... excited? I don't know but there's no apprehension in his gaze that I can read at all here.
Once Hunter takes it though, look at Tech's expression shift...
I don't think he expected Hunter to take it? He seemed so excited/ready to take the job?
Then...
Tech looks over at Hunter with a ??? sort of expression, then he looks down briefly, as if he's... upset? I don't know how to voice what he's likely thinking in this moment...
and then!!! Tech... glares??? At Hunter?
First he just stares at Cid while Hunter talks to her:
And then, when Hunter turns back to his brothers, Tech looks like this ???
I saw that expression on Tech and I THOUGHT, like an idiot, he was actually going to stand up for himself and argue against all of his brothers saying "no" about the mission, by suggesting that there was no reason to not do this mission.
He sees it logical, as the only power is the Empire now, and the Seperatists are not their enemy, as the war is over. He sees the mission without sentiment like his brothers do and I would have died to see Tech stand up for one of his ideas and argue with his brothers, since he always looks to Hunter for permission/agreement/reassurance (such as when Singh told Tech to take the AT-TE down the alleyway and Tech looked towards Hunter for reassurance) on everything?
Sorry for blabbing at you like an idiot, but I just... wanted to see Tech stand up for himself? To actually not be his usual compliant/submissive self for once? But HAH, no, how dare the writers even think of challenging themselves and developing relationships between the brothers??
Plus adding Hunter's line that he always expected they'd end up going to Raxus eventually, I have to wonder if that's something the team has talked about before. I looked up info on Raxus - both canon and legends - to see if there was any specific detail that would get Tech that excited, but other than it being the center of the Separatist senate there wasn't much
Which makes me wonder why Raxus was a world of interest, but also has me wondering more of the details of their past missions. We know Anaxes was a favor to Cody, but other mission details weren't ever discussed, and so other than stealing Separatist information the only thing I could think of them going to Raxus for is for an assassination mission, and now im wondering if theyve ever been on missions of that sort.. hmm...
But thats another post for another time, and not the point of this ask akdjskdsl BACK TO THE BOY
I don't think we've seen this level of excitement from Tech so far, and the same can be said with his behavior toward Hunter.
We see Tech get annoyed with Wrecker, bicker and snark with Echo, I could go on and on about how I think he feels toward everything with Crosshair, but we haven't really see him get... anything with Hunter
Like you said, Tech is viewing the mission from a logical perspective - with the creation of the Empire, there are no Separatists. The Republic vs. Separatist conflict is over. We see that Tech is able to detach his emotions from situations (his explanation of what the war was like to Omega in Reunion) far more easily than the rest of his brothers. Hunter, Wrecker, and especially Echo (for good reasons) still have that emotional response and connection that Separatists are the enemy. No questions asked. I mean, its a huge reason for their existence as a whole, all the clones were taught and conditioned to see Separatists as the enemy
Going back to Tech's reaction to Hunter, I'd say he definitely meets Hunter's decision with surprise, bc well. The war is over, there's no reason for them to have any bias against a Separatist senator right? And like Cid says, a job's a job, and they need the credits.
It's this reaction right here that stands out to me the most
At least going off of my own physical mannerisms, the way Tech is holding his arm - I tend to do that when I'm trying to speak up about something, or when I'm nervous about talking. I couldn't find a gif of this scene to use here, but Tech also draws his arm to him a little closer and leans a bit more toward Hunter before dropping his arm and leaning back away and letting Hunter continue on with Cid.
So I really I don't think it'd be too off mark to think there was some possibility of him interrupting/confronting Hunter about declining the mission.
Plus, when Hunter and Cid talk about leaving Omega behind, you can see Tech, Wrecker, and Echo continuing to tall in the background, and at least it possibly looks to me like Tech is defending his point on taking the mission. Additionally, when they first land on Raxus and exit the Marauder, Tech says "I am simply stating that the codes did, in fact, work. The client being a Separatist is not relevant."
So I think Tech is defending himself and his views on the mission but it's all just. Unfortunately off screen. But I also think everything above that you pointed out is still important; against Echo and Wrecker, it's easier to defend himself bc Tech already has that sort of dynamic with them, and though Tech has shown to have a sort of "better to apologize than ask for permission" view when he makes decisions (getting the Marauder impounded) he still has the highest respect for Hunter, and Hunter's role as team leader.
I cant think of any instances off the top of my head, but up until now we've never seen Tech so much as question any of Hunter's decisions, and I really hope this is going to be a start of... not necessarily Tech losing any sort of faith in Hunter, but a start of him speaking out of what he thinks is right
And also this I am still thinking about this
It can't be a coincidence that he fell asleep with the scanner. Their immediate priorities thus far - taking out their own inhibitor chips and getting Omega back - have been accomplished. I. I really want to believe that - as small as insignificant as it may be - that this is a hint to Crosshair, that Crosshair has remained a priority to at least one of them.
I mean im sure he has remained a priority to all of them, but at least what we have gotten strictly in canon... well
This got long akdjs but yeah I think, and I really hope, that this is going to be a start to us seeing Tech have a less placid demeanor. I just wanna see him emotionally break, that's all 💞
#carif answers#wwheeljack#tech#the bad batch#GOD I AM SO SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG#every time i tried to add more to it i either got busy or i got sucked into looking stuff up or just.#my brain didnt wanna help me with words#also this got long but also i dont. i dont feel like its the answer your ask fully deserves??#so im sorry if my answer seems redundant or anything of the sort 😔#but yeah i just. i wanna see more development between the boys#i think if tech doesnt finally outwardly disagree/stand up against hunter it would just be?? such a fun and interesting scene to take apart#bc of how much of a shock it would be#tech has no issues taking initiative and - albeit not intentionally - getting under hunter's skin#like getting the marauder taken and dismissing the critical condition of the ship when theyre forcefully thrown from hyperspace#but otherwise in mission mode tech is always mindful and respectful of hunter's decisions and his lead#and i think...#okay so i think it probably wouldnt be uncommon for hunter and cross to clash every once in a while#but it was still clear that cross respected hunter as their team's leader#so cross so blatantly challenging hunter's lead after kaller must have been a shock#wrecker complains more than he questions or challenges hunter but its still clear that hunter is the boss and what he says goes#and tech!! oh if tech suddenly challenged hunter? I think that would be the biggest surprise out of any of them#i think it would even surprise tech himself#and i. i want to see it. so desperately#give me the internal conflict!!!!
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Ethereal Encounters
Pairing— Angel!Seokjin x Demon!reader
Genre— Smut +18, comedy, light pining, supernatural au, angel au, demon au, time traveling (this was inspired by Good Omens by Neil Gaiman)
Warnings— oral (m and f receiving), explicit unprotected sex, death (but not really important), somewhat religious talk bc well they’re an angel and demon??
Word Count— ~6.3k
Summary— Since the early beginnings of mankind, you have been tasked with overseeing them and ensuring chaos befalls them. However, you meet an angel who has been tasked with the same duties, only obviously he’s supposed to ensure their wellbeing. How will you deal with him?
A/N— Happy Halloween everyone! This fic is part of @bangtanshadowfamily’s project Moonlight Manor. I had a blast writing this, please let me know what you guys think! Thank you so much to @dee-ehn for making such an angelic banner.
The story of Cain and Abel in the biblical Book of Genesis is well known by many throughout countless generations. The basic rundown is that Cain became jealous of Abel and murdered him. Tragic. However, what isn’t well known is that divine powers were involved. This was where it all started between you and him.
“How dare he. You’re the oldest son. You should have God’s favor,” you whispered into Cain’s ear.
As a high order demon, you were tasked with creating calamities for the stupid creatures that God loved oh so very much. What better way to ensure mankind would be doomed than introducing murder. Even better, the murder of ones own brother. Yes, your plan was ingenious.
“You need to gut him. Gut him like you would the animals you eat. God would have no choice but to cherish you instead,” you continued.
You started to feel the hatred swell within Cain. He sprang to his feet and grabbed his hunting knife. He marched out to the field where his brother was and struck him down. You watched all this transpire with a grin of satisfaction painted across your face.
“Oh no. It appears I’m too late,” you heard a disappointed voice behind you.
Whipping around quickly, you turn to see a defeated looking angel. He was quite handsome. He was tall, had broad shoulders, and lips that formed the perfect pout. You despised him the moment you laid eyes on him. Of course, he’s in a corporeal vessel. His true form would be too much for any mortal to see, and they would combust on the spot. Your corporeal vessel was that of a woman. You figured it would make swindling humans easier later on.
“Who the hell are you?” you snarled.
“Me? Oh, I’m the angel Seokjin. I was sent by the higher ups to oversee the progression of mankind. I was told to make sure they weren’t led astray,” the angel rubbed the back of his neck nervously.
“Interesting. I was sent by my higher ups to make sure that mankind would be led astray,” you muse, “It seems that we have quite the conflict of interests.”
“It would appear so,” the angel had his eyebrows furrowed in thought.
“Well Jin--”
“That’s not my name. It’s Seokjin--”
“I don’t care. That’s too long.”
“Too long? It’s two syllables!”
“Who has that kind of time, Jin? Not me. Anywho, my work here is done. Since this place is under both of our jurisdictions, maybe I’ll see you around sometime,” you gave the angel a wink before vanishing from the scene.
That was your first of many encounters with the angel Seokjin.
200 CE
The crowd roared with fervor as the gladiators fought to the death. You were one of the happy spectators watching a man get pummeled to death with the butt of a sword. As the man’s skull was caving in, you heard someone sigh beside you.
“There’s no need to be that cruel. He should cut off the poor fellow’s head and just end it already,” you heard a man say.
“That wouldn’t please this crowd at all. They’re all here because they want to see a spectacle. Chopping someone’s head off at the beginning of the fight would be sooo boring,” you turn to the disgruntled man, “I mean, you gotta pay to watch so--oh my god it’s you.”
The angel beside you was just as radiant as on the first day you met him. Even dressed in Roman apparel, you could tell there was something otherworldly about him. The angel returned the same shock as his eyes grew wide when they landed on you.
“You! You’re the one who started the downfall of man!” he accused.
“Well actually it was the snake that tempted Eve. I wish I could take credit for that. What have you been up to? Jin right?” you greet him as if he were an old friend, slinging your arm around him.
“Wrong. My name is Seokjin. I’ve been overseeing mankind. As I was instructed to,” Seokjin answered while trying to wiggle out of your grasp, “But it seems like no matter what I do, humans always resort to violence. You must be very good at your job.”
“They’re all shitbags like that. It makes my job so easy! I don’t even have to lift a finger,” you brag.
“There are some humans who have nothing but love and compassion for other living creatures--”
“Gross,” you interject.
“--so my faith in humanity is not lost. I think I’ve begun to realize why Father is so fond of them,” Seokjin rations.
“What’s your reasoning?” you inquire.
“Humans like to resort to violence quite often, like you said. But they also like to love and cherish those important to them. I think the free will that they have makes them remarkable,” Seokjin is lost in his own thoughts.
“An angel who has his own opinions? Dangerous territory buddy,” you laugh.
“Oh? Why is that dangerous?” Seokjin’s face contorted in confusion.
“Nevermind. Forget what I said. See ya around, Jin,” you’re about to disappear before Jin called out to you.
“Wait! You know my name, but I don’t know yours. That hasn’t been sitting well with me for the past couple centuries,” Seokjin shyly confessed.
“Aw, you’ve been thinking of me for centuries? What a sweetheart. I’m ___, Mother of Murder, Enslaver of Mankind, and Tamer of Dragons,” you bow.
“Tamer of Dragons? I’ve never seen one,” Seokjin tilted his head.
“Probably because they’re not real and I was messing with you. The other titles are real though. I’m kind of a bigshot downstairs. That’s why they keep me up here. See ya around, angel,” you vanish out of sight.
“___. She doesn’t really seem like the demons I’ve been told about,” Seokjin pondered.
You had a couple more run ins with the angel Seokjin, but unfortunately they were all in passing. The two of you would catch a fleeting glimpse of the other before one of you would vanish. Your time on Earth was starting to bore you. Up until you decided to wreck some havoc.
1350 CE
The black plague, also known as the Black Death, was sweeping across Europe. It had already taken millions of lives, and still had more to go. This catastrophic pandemic was beyond devastating. And you couldn’t be happier. Cart after cart rolled through towns and villages, each one filled with the bodies of the deceased or nearly deceased. The screams of those in agony was music to your ears. You skipped cheerfully along the streets. You couldn’t be more pleased with yourself. After all, the Black Death was your brainchild.
“___!” you stop in your tracks.
“Jin? Jin! How lovely to see you,” you greet him with a warm smile. You started to grow fond of him through the years. His curiosity and sincerity always amused you.
“It’s Seokjin, not Jin. I’m honestly quite worried,” Seokjin sighed.
“About? The humans?” you peer up at him.
“Yes. This plague has gotten out of hand. Sure, humans get sick and die all the time. They’re frightfully delicate. But this? Millions upon millions dead? This must be the work of some...some sort of demon!” Seokjin exclaims before calming himself, “I apologize for my outburst. This whole situation is just too worrisome.”
“You’re right. You must be a sleuth or something,” you say nonchalantly.
“What? Right about what?” Seokjin’s eyes widen.
“This IS the work of a demon. Me! This is all my doing! Pretty impressive no?” the horrified look on Seokjin’s face encouraged you to continue, “So get this. I was bored outta my mind one day, right? Then I started thinking about all the organisms on this planet. From tall to small. Then I realized that bugs are completely on the bottom of the food chain. Very unfair, wouldn’t you say?”
“I suppose so, but God intended--”
“Sure sure whatever. I took it upon myself to give bugs a little advantage. Specifically, fleas. I experimented for a bit then settled on giving some of them the ability to infect their prey! Truth be told, I had no idea that the rats they sucked on would become feral. I just thought they’d get sick and die a horrible death or something. Who would’ve thought they’d go around biting humans? Am I the best or am I the best?” you wiggled your eyebrows at Seokjin, who was still staring at you with horror.
“You caused all of this, ___? And it was all an accident?” Seokjin was trying to process what you told him.
“Yeah basically. All because I wanted to make the playing field a little more fair for fleas,” you nodded.
“That’s funny,” Seokjin said curtly.
“Oh yeah? What amuses you so, my angel?” you ask playfully.
“You wanted to help fleas. Fleas. Some would say it was an act of compassion,” Seokjin grins.
“What? No! No, I was just bored. I thought it would be something I could occupy myself with. Don’t look too deep into it, Jin,” you turn away, in hopes of hiding your flushed cheeks.
“Sure sure. Whatever you say, ___. At least you’re probably getting high praises in Hell,” he pats your head fondly.
“Shut up, angel,” you say before vanishing. You couldn’t take the embarrassment any longer. Compassion? From you? No way in Heaven. And what was that? Jin patting your head like you’re some sort of friends? Even though he was growing on you like a tumor, you hadn’t considered him a friend before. Well. Maybe you had. You just didn’t want to admit it. Life can get pretty lonely on Earth for an immortal being. At least you guys have that in common.
In an attempt to befriend Seokjin, you searched for him. Up until now, it has always been him sneaking up on you. You found him in a small village that had just about been completely wiped out by the Black Death.
“Hey angel,” you pipe up, causing him to jump.
“Ah! ___! Hello, you scared me. What can I do for you?” Seokjin smiled, his cheeks bunching up like fresh bread.
“I was wondering if you’d like to get a bite to eat? We can sneak into the nearest Royal family’s kitchen and find something good?” you ask, looking at the ground.
“Eat? We don’t have to do that though,” the angel’s signature confused face took hold.
“Yes I know that. But we’re on Earth now and until the end of time. Or until we get called back. Might as well indulge in Earthly pleasures right?” you try to reason. Your pride would be hurt if he declined.
“Indulge? Isn’t that sinful?” Seokjin said apprehensively.
“I didn’t realize a loaf of bread was sinful. I’ll be right back, just gotta drag yeast into Hell,” you mock. To your surprise, Seokjin laughed. As corny as it is, his laugh sounded like a mixture of bells and a choir of angels. It was truly euphoric.
“To be quite honest, food is one of my favorite things on Earth. I’m fond of desserts in particular. Hearing you suggest eating made me reconsider if it’s a sin or not. But you’re right. A bite of food won’t hurt anyone!” Seokjin concluded gleefully.
That was the start to the tradition of eating together after every encounter.
1943 CE
Although technically mortal enemies, you both enjoyed the companionship now and again. Hearing about each other’s lives never got boring. Seokjin himself was somewhat of an enigma to you. He was childlike in the sense that he was curious about everything, and loved learning about new things. He was also simultaneously serious about everything. Any time he tried to make a joke, it was always lost on you. You soon learned to fake a laugh for him because...because you kind of liked the way his eyes lit up when he was pleased with himself. He always found you entertaining. He admired your confidence. You were the epitome of devious, but even so, Seokjin believed that there was some good in you. You in turn believed there must be some bad in him. At least enough that allowed him to continuously hangout with a demon.
You sat alone in a German cafe, gazing out the window on a gloomy day. You listened intently to the conversation behind you. Nazi soldiers were discussing the satisfying feeling that accompanied terrorizing those who didn’t belong in Hitler’s utopia. You scoffed as you bit into your streusel coffee cake.
“Mind if I sit here?” a familiar voice asked.
“Jin, my darling angel friend, of course you can sit there. I wouldn’t dare let anyone else sit with me,” you smile mischievously.
“It’s Seokjin. Not Jin. Why must we go over this every time?” Seokjin sighed.
“I think the nickname puts us on friendlier terms,” you devour what’s left of your cake, “Oh sorry, did you want some of that?”
“Should an angel and a demon be on friendly terms? And no thank you. Actually, I brought you a little surprise,” Seokjin makes a small decadent box appear from thin air, “These are your favorites, if I recall correctly.”
Your eyes grew wide as you received the box, “Is this…? JIN!!! I haven’t had these in ages!” you cheer gleefully as you open the top.
A familiar sight of perfectly baked macarons laid gracefully within. All your favorite flavors were there: coffee, chocolate, lemon, and other delectable flavors. You breathe in the sweet scent of the goods before choosing your first target. You sway happily as you take the first bite.
“Gift giving is definitely something that friends do,” you say with your mouth still full, “Would you like some?” you offer the other half of the coffee macaron.
“Then I suppose we are friends, ___. I’m happy I ran into you. There’s actually something I wanted to talk to you about,” Jin takes the other half of the macaron, “World War I was atrocious enough. But now all of this World War II business is even more despicable. I was wondering if you had an idea about when this will end. It has been breaking my heart to see all of this horror unfold.”
“So the macarons were a peace offering for information?” your eyes narrowed, chocolate macaron in hand.
“I was in the little French village that made your favorites and thought it would be nice to bring you some. Talking about World War II was actually an afterthought,” Seokjin said. That made you chuckle. Jin was being honest; he’s incapable of lying. If he ever tried, it would never work on you because he was god awful at it.
“I’ll believe you for now, angel. To be honest, the humans did this themselves. I was sightseeing in Mongolia when Germany invaded Poland. I knew that Hitler guy was no good-- I specialize in that-- but he’s damn near as evil as a certified demon. I can’t take credit for any of this. I like creating chaos. It’s what I do. But I find this highly organized genocide distasteful,” you admit.
“A demon finding genocide distasteful? Amusing. See? There must be some goodness left in you. I guess you don’t know when this will end then?” Seokjin asks.
“Not a clue. And don’t you ever say that I have goodness. That’s bullshit. I’m the baddest of the bad. Don’t forget that,” you sneer.
“There’s no need to get hostile, my friend. I should get going. I’ve been trying to help the victims in any way that I can. Needless to say, it has been very busy for the past few years. This was a nice little break. It’s always a pleasure to see you,” Seokjin smiles and bows respectfully before disappearing out of sight.
“The pleasure is all mine, my darling angel,” you say quietly to the empty space before you.
Present Day
“That girl over there looks rather ravishing, doesn’t she? It’s a shame that she’s here instead of your girlfriend. Unless…,” you pour thoughts of infidelity in a random guy’s mind.
You sensed that he was nervous the entire night, and after observing him for a bit, you finally realized why. This man was out clubbing with his friends in celebration of someone’s birthday. His girlfriend isn’t one for going out (or having any sort of fun, from what you can gather in his mind) and he’s been eyeing this one gal the entire night. He was on the fence about whether or not to make a move. Luckily for him, you were in the vicinity that night. The alcohol pumping through his veins made him even more susceptible to your persuasions. You only spoke those few words to him before he made his way over to the girl, who immediately proceeded to grind on him.
“Infidelity huh?” a familiar voice said.
“It’s the easiest sin for men to commit. Women are too tempting for those who can’t control their lust. And by that, I mean probably 99% of all male humans,” you shrug, “It’s my duty to lead humans astray, remember?”
“Of course, how could I forget?,” Seokjin chuckled, “It’s amusing to me that the one who caused the Black Death is now sitting in a dingy nightclub telling intoxicated men to cheat on their significant other.”
“Would you rather me tell him to murder her? Would that please you, Jin?” you raise an eyebrow threateningly.
“Oh dear heavens, no. Please don’t do that. But if you were to do that, I can always intervene and protect the poor girl. And please. It’s Seokjin, not Jin,” the angel pouted. You loved his pout, it made his supple lips look even more delectable. Wait. What are you thinking?
The two of you sat in a booth inside the dimly lit nightclub. After ordering multiple rounds of drinks, Seokjin finally felt loose enough to strike up a conversation. You had been too lost in your thoughts regarding how you felt about your angelic companion to talk.
“How have you been, ___?” Seokjin asked.
“Same as ever. Chillin out, traveling, creating mischief wherever I go. My favorite thing to do nowadays is to fuck up cell phone receptions in really popular areas. The animosity goes through the roof!” you explain.
“Sounds...exciting,” Seokjin takes another sip.
“What about you, angel cakes?” you gaze at him fondly.
“My flower shop has been coming along beautifully! I mean, I want to keep all of the flowers for myself but I guess part of running a business is selling your goods. You should come by and see it. I even have some nightshade. I thought of you when I acquired it,” Seokjin smiled.
“Stop, you’ll make me blush. I’ll come and visit your shop soon,” you finish your drink, “It kinda sucks though,”
“The drink? We can order another--”
“Not that. I’m living the best life I could possibly ask for. The world is literally my playground. But I’m kinda bored. I’ve plunged from the Mother of Murder to inciting infidelity just for the drama. I feel like I’m burnt out,” you pout, sinking into the booth.
“Maybe finding a hobby could help? I like plants, so now I collect and sometimes sell them. What do you like? Come to think of it, I don’t think I really know much about you at all,” Seokjin realizes.
“I’m hurt. We’ve been friends for what? About 6000 years?” you dramatically grasped your chest.
“Friends? You consider me a friend?”
“Are we not?” you retorted.
“I suppose we are. What an unlikely friendship. And one that our bosses will never know about,” Seokjin grins, “Can I ask you something? As a friend?”
“Sure thing. Jin, my best friend in the whole wide world, what do you want?” you bat your eyes at him.
“How did you fall from Grace?”
Hearing the question sobered you up immediately. You never thought Jin would care about you enough to ask such a personal inquiry. It’s akin to asking someone ‘hey, what’s the most traumatic thing that ever happened to you?’ out of the blue. You were staring at your empty cup when Jin spoke up.
“I’m sorry if I crossed a line. I’ve just been so curious--”
“It’s fine. I was just shocked that you wanted to know me on a more personal level,” you laugh nervously.
“Why wouldn’t I? We’re friends,” Seokjin said seriously.
You take a deep breath before answering, “I was curious. Just like you. I didn’t understand why God was so obsessed with the stupid little humans. They were so vile, so vulgar. Even if they knew right from wrong, they sometimes willingly chose what was wrong. I was confounded. Apparently asking questions is the same as undermining His authority. They thought I was going to grow my own free will. An angel who can think for themselves is a threat. And so, down I went. It was a pretty long fall actually. The landing was pretty unpleasant,” you try to lighten up the story.
“I’m sorry, ___,” Jin took a hold of your hands, “At least you still have the wings of an angel.”
“Yeah but they’re all black and tattered now. Yours are still beautiful and pristine.”
“I think your wings are beautiful too,” Seokjin said softly. You realized he was still holding your hands. You slowly retreat from his grasp. You don’t know how to handle the praise coming from the angel.
“Thanks, my darling angel. Anyway. This place is getting kinda boring. You wanna get dessert?” you suggest.
“You know me so well!” Seokjin agreed.
You found yourselves in a nearby gelato shop. You treat yourself to a coffee gelato, while Jin got chocolate gelato. The pair of you opt to sit outside and soak in the city life.
“I thought you didn’t like chocolate? I remember you turning your nose up to the best chocolate I’ve had in my life when we were in Switzerland,” you noticed his chocolate gelato.
“I like the chocolate flavor, but I don’t like chocolate,” Jin said casually, “I love strawberries, but I don’t like strawberry flavored things.”
“You’re so strange,” you let out a laugh. Jin laughed with you, his stoic image started to fade away. Afterward, you both sat comfortably in silence. Being in each other’s company was satisfying. It helped ease the loneliness that you refused to admit you had. Pondering your loneliness alongside your friend had your thoughts drifting to an interesting concept.
“Do you remember that time we decided to indulge in Earthly pleasures for the first time all those years ago? That decision was probably the best I’ve ever made. I love food,” you break the silence.
“I do remember that. I think I’m obliged to say that doing the Lord’s work was the best decision I’ve ever made. But I guess I didn’t really have a choice,” his voice trailed off, “Besides that, eating food with you was probably my best decision too,” Jin smiled, revealing his bread cheeks.
“What if we indulge in a different Earthly pleasure tonight?” you suggest calmly, licking at your gelato.
“Other than food? What do you mean?” Seokjin’s eyes widened with curiosity.
“Haven’t you wondered why lust is such a strong motivating factor for humans?”
“I believe they reproduce for the survival of their species--”
“That’s not what I mean, you silly little angel. I’ve heard from several succubi that they really enjoy sex and--”
“Lust is a sin, ___. It’s literally one of the seven deadly sins,” Seokjin interrupted sternly.
“I said that humans are driven by lust. If we hypothetically partake in this, it would be for research reasons only. Wouldn’t you be of better service to mankind if you could understand them better?” you reason.
Frankly, you don’t give a damn about mankind. Never have and never will. The thought of getting intimate with the angel Seokjin has sparked an excitement in you that you hadn’t felt in ages. Persuasion is your forte, and you’re sure as hell gonna do your best to win him over. Seokjin was silent as he pondered over your proposal. His face was unreadable.
“I’ll admit I have been curious about it. I don’t understand why humans crave it so much,” Seokjin admitted. A smile slowly formed on your face.
“Does that mean you’ll indulge with me? Just as you did when we ate together all those moons ago?” you take his hands in yours.
“Fine, ___. I’ll indulge with you. But purely for research purposes,” Seokjin said firmly.
This city had been your dwelling place for the past couple of years so you had your own place. You giddily led the angel to your apartment. You had been waiting for this moment for what felt like an eternity. Seduction wasn’t part of your job, so you never partook in such activities. It was mischief alone that was your specialty.
When you finally arrived at your apartment, you instructed Jin to wait outside for a couple of minutes while you tidied up the place. With a snap of your fingers, your humble abode was free of any trash and not a speck of dust was to be found. After wondering about what would help set “the mood”, you decided on lighting candles. You figured the dim lighting would help create a sensual atmosphere. The final touch was slipping into promiscuous black lingerie. You had a complete set: stockings, garter, corset, and a bra. You twirled in front of a mirror and was satisfied with the look. You felt like the epitome of a seductress. You made your way to the front door and swung it open, striking a seductive pose. You nearly burst out into a fit of laughter when you saw Jin’s eyes wide with shock and mouth agape.
“You...you look...nice,” Jin stuttered.
“Come on in, my darling angel,” you waved a single finger at him.
Seokjin timidly stepped inside. You took his hand and led him to your bedroom; the walkway was lined with candles. You closed the bedroom door behind Jin as you heard him gulp nervously.
“You scared, Jin?” you teased. Jin couldn’t make eye contact with you. You could barely see his faint blush in the dim lighting.
“No. Maybe a bit nervous. I thought we would just get down to it,” Jin let out an annoyed sigh before finally making eye contact, “And it’s Seokjin. Not Jin.”
“Go straight to fucking? Without foreplay? Aw you really are such a little angel, aren’t you? You sweet sweet vanilla baby boy,” with each word you crept closer to him, eventually wrapping your arms around his neck. He smelled like a mixture of warm honey and wildflowers. His scent was intoxicating. You couldn’t resist any longer as you planted a gentle kiss on his neck, causing him to groan lightly.
“Oh? You like that?” you whispered sweetly.
“I never realized our corporeal bodies were so sensitive,” Jin replied quietly.
“You’re still so tense, angel,” you observed as you massaged his broad shoulders, “I can help you unwind. Part of the fun of sex is indulging in the pleasure, so I’ve heard,” you say as you guide Jin to the bed.
“Let’s make some things clear,” you say as you straddle Jin, “Firstly, you can touch me. I don’t wanna be doing all the work. Secondly, don’t be afraid to act on any urges. I can assure you I can handle whatever you wanna do. Lastly, do you trust me?” you ask. Jin blinked blankly.
“Generally, I’m pretty sure a demon is never to be trusted. But since it’s you, I guess I’ll make an exception. I trust you, ___,” Jin said sincerely.
“I’m touched,” you smile, “Now take off your shirt and pants,” you demand, climbing off of him. Jin complied. Left in only his underwear, he sat on the bed awaiting your next instructions. You soaked in the sight of him. He was fit; his physique had your mouth watering.
“Perfect,” you say, seductively crawling back on top of him.
You lock eyes as you straddle his hips. You lean in slowly, eyes wandering to his plush lips. Jin does the same, leaning towards you ever so slightly. Your lips met gently. After relishing the tender moment, you kiss him more intensely. To your surprise, Jin met you with the same intensity. His hands started to wander as well. Starting with a firm grip on your ass, his hands traveled slowly up to your breasts.
“I don’t think I can fully appreciate you with all this on,” Jin breathed heavily after he broke from the kiss.
“What a cheeky angel. Be patient, love,” you notice a change in Jin’s eyes. There was an intense gaze of lust pouring from his dark brown eyes. It turned you on.
You laid him down and whispered, “Now the fun can begin.”
A blindfold manifested out of thin air and into your hand. Jin looked at the object curiously. He didn’t protest when you wrapped it over his eyes. You smiled at the fact that he truly did trust you.
You kissed him again. You couldn’t get enough of his velvety soft lips. You dared to slip your tongue in his mouth delicately. Seokjin pulled you closer to him as he reciprocated with more aggression. His boldness caused you to let out a small moan.
“Are you okay? Did I hurt you?” Seokjin stopped immediately after he heard you. His genuine concern caused you to chuckle.
“I don’t think you’re capable of hurting me, sweet boy. Keep doing what you’re doing,” you say before going back for another kiss.
You reluctantly pull away from Jin’s sweet lips, gently placing wet kisses down his neck and along his chest. You kitten lick one of his nipples as you pinch and twist the other. Jin seemed to enjoy this as his breathing became uneven and he let out tiny moans.
You travel further down to position yourself between his thighs. His erection was obstructed by his underwear. You tug it off, allowing it to free itself. The length was impressive, and his girth was just as satisfying.
You slowly started pumping your hand along his shaft. As soon as you held him, Jin shuddered. You were amused by how sensitive he was. You gave his tip a few kitten licks as you hand was still slowly dragging along his cock. This caused Jin to shift underneath you, and his soft moans were getting louder. You stopped teasing him as you took his entire length in your mouth. Being a divine being gave you small perks such as not having a gag reflex. You sloppily bobbed your head up and down his cock, listening to his sweet groans of pleasure. Hands soon grip your hair, and now Jin was guiding your rhythm.
“Ahh ___... I think I’m gonna...my body feels weird,” Jin muttered between groans.
Without warning, Jin released his load into your mouth. You were surprised by the sudden outburst and pulled away too late. What didn’t land in your mouth splattered all over your chest.
“Huh. So angels can ejaculate. Wild,” you say, wiping your mouth with the back of your hand, “You don’t taste half bad, angel. But you did get my lingerie messy,” you tsked.
“I think I’m starting to understand why humans enjoy this so much. Sorry about your clothes, I guess you have to take them off now,” Jin proposed.
“I suppose you’re right,” you chuckle. With a snap of your fingers, the lingerie magically vanishes.
“I wanna feel what you felt,” you whined.
“Do you want me to fuck you now?” Jin asked.
“What else would you do?” you teased.
“You could sit on my face and I can reciprocate the oral sex,” Jin offered.
His straightforward way of talking never ceased to amaze you. It was no surprise that he would talk this way even in the bedroom. You grinned as you positioned your thighs on each side of his head.
“You sure about this?” you ask.
“Sit on my face, ___,” Jin said impatiently.
You slowly lowered yourself onto Jin’s face. You carefully made sure you that the lips lined up. You rested your intimate part gently on Jin’s lips. You shuddered with delight as he licked a long gentle strip along your pussy. Jin began to explore you with his tongue.
“You’re still too far away,” he grunts as he places his hands on your hips and roughly pulls you closely to him.
His nose was buried in your pussy at this point. He darted his tongue in and out of you, causing you to gasp. He brought his hand around to play with a nub located above your opening. Somehow, he figured out that this little nub was extremely sensitive, as you nearly doubled over when he applied pressure on it. You could faintly hear a low chuckle under you as the pressure on your clit increased. Jin’s thumb ferociously played with your clit as his tongue flicked inside you. Your legs began to shake and your moans got louder and more drawn out.
“Jin! Fuck that feels amazing. Don’t stop. My body is starting to feel weird too,” you cry out.
Soon enough, a wave of euphoria coursed throughout your body as you released your juices all over his face. You fell beside him, chest heaving.
“How was that?” Jin asked, licking around his mouth, “You don’t taste too bad yourself, Mother of Murder.”
“You flatter me, angel. You didn’t correct me when I said Jin!” you observed, taking off his blindfold.
“I actually thought it was pleasant. Hearing you moan out my nickname like that spurred me on for some reason,” Jin sighed.
“Oh so you like when I moan out your name? You’re such a naughty angel,” you jokingly admonish, “We still haven’t gotten to the finale yet.”
“Do you want me to fuck you now?” Jin asked.
“Yes, my darling angel. I want you to fuck me now,” you say curtly, “How do you want to take my virginity?” you bat your eyes innocently at him, spreading your legs out.
“Like this would be fine. I think I’d enjoy seeing your face,” Jin leaned down for a passionate kiss, complete with tasteful tongue usage.
Breaking the kiss, he aligned himself with your entrance. He gazed at you tenderly before you nodded at him, signaling for him to proceed. He slowly slipped inside, and you relished every inch of him. The new sensation of the stretch was a bit painful at first, but it soon was replaced with a foreign bliss. You let out a low moan when he finally bottomed out. Eyes fixated on each other, Jin wordlessly began to thrust in and out of you. The bliss was enjoyable, but you craved more. Jin was going too slowly for your taste (even though it was an impressive pace already by human standards).
“Faster. Harder. Fuck me harder, Jin,” you pleaded, biting your lip hard enough to draw blood.
Jin complied, now thrusting with more force at a faster rate. Jin was having a hard time controlling himself, as his grunts started to mix with your moans. You clawed at his back, leaving red streaks across it. Jin suddenly hoisted one of your legs over his shoulder, allowing him to plunge deeper. You let out a high pitched squeal at the sudden switch up. You began to feel a familiar tingle in your lower region.
“Jin, I’m close,” you panted.
“Me too, my darling demon. Let’s finish together, shall we?” Jin replied, sweat dripping from his brow.
It only took a couple more thrusts before you both reached your limits. You felt Jin’s hot cum fill you up as he let out a final groan. You could barely hear him over your own lewd cry as your orgasm hit you hard. As your juices mixed, Jin collapsed on top of you. You wrapped your arms around him and held him tenderly against your chest. You laid together in silence for a while with synchronized breathing before Jin broke the silence.
“Do you think I’ll fall from Grace now? I indulged in the sin of lust. I don’t think the guys upstairs will understand that it was for research purposes,” Jin sounded worried.
“Do you regret it?” you asked quietly.
“Oddly enough, no. It was fun. I’m just worried because I’ve been an angel since the beginning of time. I don’t know how I’ll be anything else,” Jin admitted.
“Have your superiors ever checked up on you since they plopped you onto Earth?”
“Only once, close to the beginning. I never realized that they never check up on me. Does this mean they won’t find out?” Jin’s voice started to pick up.
“I won’t tell your superiors if you don’t tell mine! Although, I don’t think mine would care that much,” you laugh, hugging Jin closer to you.
“Deal. Wow, I really just made a deal with a devil huh?” Jin laughed at his own joke. You couldn’t help but roll your eyes and kiss him on the forehead.
“You know...we don’t have to part ways just yet. Stay the night. Let’s snuggle together and pretend we’re humans in love,” you whisper to him.
“Sure, I’ll stay the night. You don’t have to be human to know what love is, you know?” Jin crept up to kiss you gently.
“Shut up, angel. No more mushy talk. Just cuddle me and so I can fall asleep faster,” you snapped.
You switch positions so that you could nuzzle yourself into Jin’s chest. You both fell asleep in each other’s embrace, in each other’s arms and wings. You’ve never felt more at peace than this moment, in which you and Jin were entangled in each other’s wings. Neither of you noticed it, but your wings got a little lighter that night. Neither of your noticed, but Jin’s wings got a little darker that night.
Published October 31, 2020. No editing, copying, translating, or reposting allowed. All Rights Reserved © 2020 Baepsaesbae.
#bts smut#kim seokjin smut#creaturesofmm#bangtanshadowfamily#bangtanarmynet#btswritingcafe#ksmutclub#good omens#angel bts#demon bts#bts fanfic#kpop fanfic#bts angst#bts comedy#kim seokjin x reader
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Heaven Sent; Part 7
Jin x Reader
Genre: Angst, hurt/comfort, fluff
Warnings: None to note.
Jin did not expect himself to be in this position eight months after the death of his best friend. He hadn’t expected to even lose his best friend in the first place, but he really didn’t expect to have developed such strong feelings for the widow that he left behind either.
He thought that for the circumstances, everything was going as well as it could. You and Jin had been taking things slow but they were still moving along well, Aera was doing good and didn’t seem to mind the increased amount of time that he was spending with the both of them, and Jin wasn’t feeling as guilty about having feelings for you anymore. Well, at least until you started ignoring him.
“It’s been a month and I have no idea what the hell I did,” Jin groaned as he threw himself down onto the sofa at Hobi’s house, where he had met up with his friends for their annual movie night.
“Have you tried talking to her?” Jimin wondered.
“Did you not catch the part where I said that she’s been ignoring me?” Jin scoffed. “And it’s messed up because we were doing good, or at least I thought we were.”
“Well, maybe you should try a little harder,” Jungkook suggested. “It’s obvious that she makes you happy hyung.”
“She does but I can’t and I won’t push her,” Jin stated firmly. “She has enough going on, I can’t push my shit onto her.”
“Hyung, you having feelings and communicating those feelings wouldn’t be pushing them onto her,” Namjoon lightly chastised. “Your feelings are just as valid as hers.”
“But she lost her husband.”
“And you lost a bestfriend,” Hobi interjected. “I know you’re trying to be considerate but don’t discredit your own feelings hyung.”
“It’s different,” Jin tried to say.
“Different relationships maybe, but the pain is the same,” Jimin shrugged. “Maybe that’s what it is. Maybe she’s just now realizing what her having feelings for you means.”
“But that’s still not fair because Jin hyung is hurting the same too,” Jungkook spoke up.
“Have you been honest about your feelings with her hyung?” Hobi questioned and they all looked at Jin.
“Yeah, but I always hesitate because I don’t want to scare her,” Jin confessed. “And hell, I’m still conflicted about my feelings myself. I really like Y/N-ah. I love spending time with her, she’s funny, she’s so caring, and she’s gorgeous but I can’t help but to feel like I’m sneaking behind my best friend’s back.”
“Hyung, I’m gonna say something and I don’t want you to think that I’m being disrespectful or anything but you need to hear it, alright?” Namjoon said and Jin nodded. “You cannot continue to put the feelings of someone who’s not even here anymore over your own. You deserve to be happy and if Y/N is who makes you happy and she feels the same way, then you have the right to pursue that.”
“But,-” Jin tried to say but Hobi cut him off.
“But nothing,” Hobi cut him off. “Joon-ah’s right. I know it’s hard hyung but from what you told us about him, I truly don’t think Hae-il would be completely against you seeing Y/N. Especially if it meant you caring for her and Aera in his absence.”
“You think?” Jin wondered and they all nodded their heads.
“You have to talk to her hyung,” Namjoon said. “If for nothing else, then for closure for both you and her.”
“Agreed,” Jimin and Jungkook replied at the same time.
“You guys are right,” Jin sighed. “I’ll talk to her. I just have to....figure out how to do it.”
..................................................
Month eight was admittedly the worst you had felt since Hae-il had first died, and that was saying a lot. Although it was grief that you felt with Hae-il, it was guilt you were feeling with Jin.
The rational part of you knew that you shouldn’t be avoiding Jin, and you truly didn’t mean to let an entire month pass without talking to him about things. It was just.....easier to continue to put the conversation off rather than face the uncomfortability of having to tell him that you thought the two of you should just go back to being just friends; especially when that couldn’t be further from the truth.
In order to help get your mind off of things, you had been trying to make sure you spent extra time with Aera. Although she hadn’t explicitly said anything about missing Jin, you knew that she probably did. Also, you just felt like you needed to.
“Can I go play Mommy?” Aera asked excitedly, bouncing up and down as she pointed to the playground. The two of you had been on a walk to go get ice cream, but Aera got distracted by the shouts of the other kids playing.
“Sure, but only for a few minutes and then we’re gonna go get ice cream, alright?” You told her and she nodded happily before running off.
“Be careful!” You shouted after her with a small smile, moving over to a nearby bench and sitting down to watch over her. You had only been sitting down for about two minutes before your phone started to ring, so you pulled it out of your pocket and smiled at seeing Yoongi’s name.
“Hello?” You answered.
“Hey, quick question and please say yes,” Yoongi begged, making you laugh. “You backed up the design plan of that house that we’re working on on your computer right?”
“Yeah, I did,” you said. “But wait, wasn’t Tae supposed to do it?”
“He was but he didn’t and I needed it,” he huffed. “So thank God you thought to back it up because I sure as hell didn’t.”
“Well, you know the password to my computer so knock yourself out,” you shrugged.
“10 and 7, I’m in,” he announced victoriously. “Thanks Y/N-ah. What are you up to?”
“I was taking Aera out for ice cream but she saw a playground and you know how that went,” you giggled. “So I’m sitting on a bench watching her.”
“Oh yeah, you’re never gonna be able to get her to leave,” he chuckled. “Are you there by yourself?”
“Yoongi,” you groaned, knowing exactly what he was insinuating.
“I’m just saying Y/N-ah, I wish you’d just talk to that man already,” Yoongi told you. “You’re not making things any easier by avoiding him.”
“I know but I just can’t have that conversation with him,” you admitted. “Feels like I’ve had way too many hard conversations this year.”
“That is very true but you need to do it,” Yoongi replied. “You’re both grown adults and avoiding him would be childish. Besides, we all know the real reason why you won’t talk to him.”
“And what’s that?”
“You still have feelings for him, you just feel bad for having said feelings,” Yoongi stated. “And I could still deck your punk ass mother-in-law for coming at you like that.”
“Yoongi!” You chuckled. “She had a point.”
“Maybe so, but questioning the love that you had for her son wasn’t the way to go about it,” he scoffed. “So like I said, I could still deck her.”
“As tempting as that is, it wouldn’t solve anything,” you giggled.
“You’re right. You going and talking to Jin would do that,” Yoongi said.
“Yoongi, you know I can’t,-” you began to repeat for what felt like the 1000th time but you were interrupted by a shrill cry of your name.
“Mommy!!!” You heard Aera’s voice scream and your heart instantly leapt up into your throat.
“Yoongi, I gotta go!” You said, hanging up the phone and jumping up, sprinting over to the playground and leaping down to the sand. You looked around wildly, until another cry of your name made your head whip over to the left where Aera was laying underneath the monkey bars.
“Oh my gosh Aera, are you alright?!” You questioned as you ran up to her, falling onto your knees as you lifted her up and hugged her to your chest.
“I-I f-f-fell off o-o-of the mon-monkey bars,” Aera sobbed into your shirt.
“Does anything hurt really bad?” You asked her as you began to check her limbs, silently sighing in relief when you didn’t see any signs of major injuries or blood.
“N-Nooo,” she drawled and you knew then that it was probably just the scare of falling that was hurting her more than anything else.
“Oh Love, it’s ok,” you tried to soothe her, rocking her gently in your arms. “You’re not hurt too bad so it’ll be alright.”
“I want uncle Jinnie,” she sniffled and you froze at her words, not expecting her to say that. However, you quickly recovered.
“How about we get some ice cream like we planned on doing earlier?” You suggested. “You can get two scoops.”
“Really?” She wondered as she looked up at you with teary eyes, and you nodded with a small smile as you reached up to wipe those tears away.
“Come on Love.”
..................................................
The amazing thing about kids was that it was relatively easy to redirect their attention whenever you wanted to. This time, the medium cup with two scoops of strawberry ice cream did the trick for you, as Aera happily sat at the table with you in the small ice cream shop eating her treat.
“Feeling better?” You wondered after taking a slurp of your own vanilla cone, chuckling at how eagerly Aera nodded her head in response.
“Yeah, it was scary,” she confessed.
“It was,” you agreed. A few seconds of silence fell over the two of you then, with Aera eating her ice cream and you trying to figure out how to ask her the question that had been floating around in your mind since she fell off of the monkey bars.
“Aera, can I ask you a question?” You wondered, waiting for her head nod before continuing. “Do you miss Jin?”
“Yeah, a lot,” she replied with no hesitation, which instantly made you feel bad. “I miss seeing him.”
“I’m sorry that you haven’t been able to see him more, it’s just....complicated,” you tried to explain to her.
“Grown up stuff?” She guessed, which made you laugh.
“Yeah Love, grown up stuff,” you confirmed.
“He reminds me of Daddy,” Aera admitted quietly and your eyes immediately began to get misty with tears.
“Really?”
“Yeah,” she said. “He plays with me and makes me laugh and makes me feel special, like Daddy used to.”
“He does,” you smiled. “Aera, would you mind if Jin was around a lot? Like, all the time?”
“Like how Daddy was?” Aera wondered and you shrugged.
“Kind of,” you nodded.
“I would like it,” she stated firmly. “He’s good and makes us laugh and helps us be happy.”
“He does, doesn’t he?” You sighed, because hearing your daughter’s opinion was the exact push that you needed. “Alright Love, I’m gonna fix it so that he can keep making us happy, ok? I promise.”
#bts#bangtanarmynet#bts reactions#bts imagines#bts jin#bts seokjin#jin x reader#seokjin x reader#kim seokjin#jin angst#jin smut#jin fluff#seokjin angst#seokjin fluff#seokjin smut#bts smut#bts angst#bts fluff#bts x reader#bts scenarios
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love you to the moon and to saturn
This is part 4 of my Sander in NYC ‘verse. I posted it on ao3, but recently I’ve also been posting my fics on tumblr so here it is 😌
Part 1 Part 2 Part 3
Warnings: mild sexual content
* * *
Saturday, 10:00
His sleep was anxious, mind too preoccupied with stress to allow him to get a proper rest. The wake up was even worse as mere seconds after he blinked the sleep away from his tired eyes the memories of last night crept back in, flooding him with worry and making his brain replay the argument over and over again like a broken cassette. And then he checked his phone only to find a string of messages and missed calls, all from Sander, causing his stomach to twist with nerves at what they were going to say.
His abrupt leaving had been a dick move and if Sander was pissed, Robbe knew he couldn’t blame him. So he stalled, finger barely swiping at the screen as he was unsure whether to unlock it and face the consequences or maybe throw the phone back on his bedside table and bury himself under the covers to wait for his courage to come back and for his nerves to settle.
Heaving a sigh, he chose option number one because it was the only rational one.
He tapped Sander’s photo, holding his breath without even registering it.
Two seconds later he knew.
He didn’t need to worry.
Sunday 13:00
Robbe hides another smile into his glass at the thought of yesterday’s evening, trying to focus on what Marie is saying. She’s talking animatedly about a guy she met at her new internship, hearts almost flowing out of her eyes as she swoons on the wooden stool and sips her black coffee. She’s the kind of girl who falls in love quickly and falls out of love just as quick. Across from where he’s sitting, he sees Fien and Lucas rolling their eyes at her exaggerated lovesick sighes making him snort in his marshmallow latte.
“Weren’t you obsessed with that lanky guy from Starbucks last week? What happened to him?”
Marie shrugs, tossing her long brown hair back from her shoulders. “I decided he was too old for me.”
“Didn’t you say he was 21?” Robbe interjects with amusement, remembering their group messenger chat he caught up with this morning.
“Exactly!”
They all start bickering about the appropriate age difference in relationships, Robbe watching them as he munches happily on one of the soggy marshmallows he fished out from his cup, trying not to giggle at Lucas’ scandalized face at Marie calling 21 old. Robbe knows from the many stories Lucas has shared so far that his own boyfriend is a senior at college so his reaction is even more entertaining because of that.
It feels good to be around them again, Robbe thinks to himself. He’s been canceling on them way too often those last few weeks and he still feels guilty about it. They’re a fun bunch, their bantery dynamic established since day one when they all chose the middle row to sit in during their morning classes, and then promptly spent half of it bonding over the outrageous occurrence that was the absence of a coffee shop on the campus. Not long after, Robbe also discovered that apart from the passion for filmmaking, they all also like skateboarding. After that, the rest was history.
They were for sure a nice distraction from Robbe’s intrusive thoughts in the beginning of the semester. He lucked out, finding his group, his people, so early on in his college journey. But at some point even their goofiness and honest attempts at cheering him up weren’t enough. Not since the news from Sander came that he’s staying in New York until February and since the thing with Jens.
Now, observing them from over his half-drunk coffee, lips twitching at some of the more creative but still lowkey insults Marie and Lucas throw at each other, he realizes he has really missed them. They’re like siblings, the two of them, constantly bickering and teasing one another, but it’s all good-natured and amusing to watch.
“Oh my god, let it go, children, for the love of god,” Fien cuts in abruptly, before turning her big expectant eyes on Robbe, twirling a lock of her hair around her finger and adding innocently, “I’d finally like to hear about Sobbe’s makeup.”
Heat rushes to Robbe’s cheeks and he scratches at the back of his neck, bashful all of a sudden. She’s the number one fangirl of his relationship, he has learned recently, but in a cute way, not creepy like Aaron sometimes used to be with his invasive questions. She always moans about being forever single, pouting at Robbe for some fluffy snippets and claiming in faux-seriousness that he owes it to the world to share them with others for being lucky enough to have a fairytale-like love story.
Robbe has never disclosed to them how unfairytale-like some of the details are because it’s not his story to tell. But he really likes her so he always indulges her, usually after a bit of teasing. And, sue him, but he’s proud of his relationship and the fact that he of all people can call Sander his boyfriend, so even if he brags a little, he thinks he has good reasons for it.
(He’s still kinda smug when he thinks about the time when he showed the three of them a photo of Sander, a pleased little smile on his face at their reactions and playful threats of stealing him for themselves.)
“Oh yeah, I wanna know too,” Marie agrees excitedly, scooting her chair closer to him. “You’ve been all smiley ever since you came over here so I’m guessing that hottie of yours did something right,” she ends on a teasing note, her waggling eyebrows leaving Robbe no doubts she expects some saucy details.
“Oh my god, stop,” he groans as he hides his face in his hands, his friends giggling at his embarrassment. “It wasn’t like that! We just… finally talked things out.”
Saturday, 18:00 (flashback to last night)
Robbe’s been gnawing on his bottom lip relentlessly, completely unaware, to the point it’s a few bites away from drawing blood. He can’t help but feel nervous, the cursor hovering over the 'accept' button as he's rolling his eyes on himself internally, telling himself to stop making a bigger deal out of this that it needs to be. There is a bit of embarrassment clouding his logical reasoning to be honest, embarrassment about his overreaction last night.
Was it an overreaction? He's still not completely sure, but it's not like avoiding the situation is going to magically fix everything between them. Even though he'd really like that. It feels so awkward to be in this position. Robbe doesn't know what the protocol here is. They bicker, quite often even. Fight a little too, stomping off out of each other’s room grumpily but only over stupid stuff, nothing like this.
He's walking on an unknown ground just hoping he's not going to make things worse. He desperately needs their dynamic back because he's already over it.
Not being able to share the most mundane every day stuff with each other over texts to joke about it, rile the other up or just vent about something stupid like their coffees not being hot enough on a given rainy morning sucks.
So he takes a deep breath and clicks on the button before he works himself into a never-ending second-guessing.
When Sander says a soft hi and smiles at him with the usual warmth in his eyes, something akin to relief courses through him from head to toe.
He gives him his own tentative smile and a short hi, pushing himself higher against the pillows. Before Sander can say anything more, he lets go of what has been weighing down on him the entire day.
“I’m sorry,” he starts, contrite. “About yesterday. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have just logged off like that without explanation. And then ignore your messages,” he adds after a pause because that’s what he feels most guilty about. He knows he’d freak out if Sander just cut him off without giving him an opportunity to talk things out, would worry himself sick.
Sander looks conflicted, brows knitted together, like a part of him wants to reassure Robbe because it's in his nature, but the other part is genuinely hurt. Robbe doesn't want compassion. Not for that, because he knows he doesn’t deserve it. Causing Sander distress is the last thing he wants.
"Yeah, it did suck," he finally admits after a moment passes, and Robbe finds comfort in his honesty. It’s a good start. They won’t get anywhere with false niceties and pretending everything’s fine. Robbe tried pretending, yesterday and most of their calls before that, and it got them where they are now.
“I mean, I know you didn’t want to talk about your problems yesterday,” pausing, he scrunches up his nose a bit, “but maybe next time just don’t log off so abruptly so I know you’re okay?” his voice tilts on a hopeful note.
Robbe just nods, feeling shameful, hating that there’s not much more that he can do when he’s talking to him through his computer, and can’t exactly reach out to cuddle up to Sander’s side or kiss the underside of his jaw as a silent apology to then stay close for the rest of the evening as they heal together.
It’s frustrating and disheartening, but it affects them both the same amount and Robbe needs to remember that. Because the truth is, Sander didn’t exactly give him a legitimate reason to doubt him or to think he didn’t miss him. Those full of hurt eyes Sander gave him yesterday at the suggestion have been eating away at him all day.
Robbe just got swallowed by his own insecurities and let the little things that bothered him consume him all instead of, well. Communicating.
Sander was right yesterday. Of course he was.
He knows he has some more apologies to give.
“I’m also sorry for not telling you earlier how I felt,” he keeps pouring his heart out, “and for, you know, assuming you don’t miss me much, and-”
“Woah, hey,” Sander stops him before he can get himself deeper into the spiral. “Robbe, I fucked up too, don’t take it all on yourself.” He adjusts his laptop and Robbe can see his face clearer now, his eyes bloodshot and tired, a clear sign of a sleepless night, and the guilt clogs his throat even more now.
“I should have seen something wasn’t right.” When Robbe shakes his head and goes back to apologizing, Sander shoots him a pointed look that makes him shut up. “I should have, don’t deny it. You know, I took a long walk yesterday after you hung up, to clear my head, but also to get a perspective on our latest talks. And I felt so dumb for not realizing you were not doing okay.”
“Sander, I don’t expect you to read my mind,” Robbe tries to joke, but it falls flat even in his own ears. But he can’t bear those big regretful eyes on him. He doesn't deserve them.
“Baby, I’m sorry I haven’t been there for you the way you needed me to. Please tell me now? What’s been bothering you, hmm?”
Robbe scrubs his face trying to collect his thoughts, to find a concise way to get everything out of his chest, but he doesn’t know where to start.
“It may take a while.”
Sander makes a show of fluffing the pillow he placed against his back and getting himself more comfortable on his bed, sighing with contentment for a better effect.
“Look, I’m in my comfy clothes, got an energy drink on my nightstand, the computer battery is full and I told everyone I’m busy so they won’t nag me with anything. I’m all yours today.” He gives him an encouraging smile, fondness etched into every crevice of his face.
Robbe’s heart does a little skip at his words, Sander’s demeanor so comforting that he feels the last pieces of apprehension ebbing away, the need to vent overpowering the hesitation of showing his vulnerability.
“I think I just found myself overwhelmed with some things,” he admits quietly, picking at his nail, an absent-minded habit when he’s nervous, as he’s trying to find the right words. “A lot has changed in those last few months, almost all at once, and I kinda have trouble coping. And like,” he scoffs at himself, “I’m angry with myself ‘cause I should be enjoying most of it, being in college and majoring in something that I actually like, and it’s great, but I can’t help but focus on all the things that are different now, things that are not so great.”
Before continuing, he flicks his gaze to Sander for a second, only to then cast his eyes back to his lap. “The last two years with you were the happiest of my life, you know? After years of bullshit and constant misery and pretending to be somebody I wasn’t I-,” he sighs, bittersweet smile on his lips,”I finally found my person, you know?”
Sander mirrors his smile, but he’s frowning a little. “But you still have me,” he reminds him softly.
“I know, but it sucks when I can’t just, I don’t know, snuggle up you and forget about stuff. It’s all your fault, by the way, you’ve been too good to me and now I have withdrawal symptoms,” he pouts, and hears Sander chuckling on the other side of the screen.
“You have no idea how much I wish virtual hugs were a thing. And kisses, oh my god, kisses too. I’m so kiss-deprived. Once I finally get my hands on you, I won’t let you go for a week.”
“Promise?”
“I promise.”
For a short moment, Sander manages to bring a genuine smile on his face, but it quickly disappears when the reality sets back in. There are still almost four long months to get through. He watches Sander’s smile slipping off his face slowly and he knows they’re both thinking about it.
The boy sighs deeply. “You know, sometimes I feel like it was a mistake to-”
Robbe’s eyes snap to him. “No, no, no, don’t think that, it wasn’t a mistake. Please don’t feel guilty or something, that’s the last thing I want you to do,” he stresses. Sander still looks conflicted, and fuck, this is exactly what Robbe wanted to avoid.
“Hey, I’m serious. Look, you not being here is tough, but like I said, it’s just things piling up, changing. Shit like school work that has been piling up and me getting so stressed about the end-of-the-semester project because I still haven’t figured out the details. Plus people moving away, all of that makes it difficult for me to adjust. So don’t go thinking it’s because you’re the center of my universe or something,” he ends his rambling with a feigned-offended huff and Sander easily lets them slip into their usual banter.
“I’m not?! Wow, the things a guy finds out after being such a devoted and doting and loving boyfriend.” He wipes the imaginary tear, letting out a long-suffering sigh. “Such a menace, breaking my heart in half on this lovely Saturday afternoon.” He purses his lips in offence and Robbe is grateful for Sander’s attempt to lift the mood, trying to be upbeat.
He feels a tug in his chest thinking about how if Sander was here, he’d be tackling him to the nearest surface to shut him up with tickles and loud smooches and playful jabs in the sides and how they would make much more noise than necessary, acting like the rambunctious teens they are.
That’s going to have to wait too. But he discovers this thought doesn’t hurt as much as it would have yesterday because their conversation right now, this opportunity to vent and Sander’s texts last night, all of it makes him feel better, helps him see he’s not alone.
“I love you,” he blurts out all of a sudden, and it’s something he’s wanted to say since he read his heartfelt texts this morning that almost made him cry in relief.
Sander blinks a couple times, surprised, but then his previously playful face melts into such a fond look it makes Robbe blush like it was the first time he said it.
The I love you too comes right away, soft and quiet, like he’s telling a secret, and it’s heart-stoppingly precious.
To keep himself from drowning in fuzzy feelings, he shoots him a private little smile and steers the conversation back to his friends, telling him how it sucks that it’s they all now live away and how unexpectedly difficult it is to meet up. Robbe’s used to basically having everyone at arm-reach.
“We do video call, obviously, but you know, Milan is all loved up with Ralph in Amsterdam and not that keen on leaving their love nest and Zoe and Senne keep traveling between Genk and Ghent, which with Zoe’s coursework and internship is already a struggle. I don’t think they’re doing that well, actually,” he winces, remembering their last conversation.
If during freshman year somebody had told Robbe who his best friends were going to be, he’d looked at them as if they had grown two heads. Because for real, Jana’s new friend and her roommate? And school’s fuckboy?
But life’s funny like that sometimes. Moving into their apartment in his sophomore year has been one of the best decisions he’s ever made. His number one best decision is currently frowning at him from his dirty screen.
“Oh, that sucks. Do you think they’ll work it out?”
Robbe sighs deeply, propping his chin on the heel of his palm. “Senne has been thinking about finding a job in Genk so I hope so.”
Sander huffs a laugh suddenly, shaking his head. “Wow, I wish I was in his place and there were only 2 hours between us, instead of a whole ass ocean.”
“Yeah, I think once you’re back we’re gonna have a master's degree in that long distance bullshit,” Robbe smiles at him wistfully.
“Ugh, never again though. You’re not getting rid of me, it sucks without you, Robin.” He sounds so grumpy Robbe can’t help the short giggle that escapes him, but deep down he’s happy they both share that sentiment.
They’re staring at each other now, enjoying the moment before Sander shoots him a knowing look. “You haven’t mentioned Jens.”
That sobers him up enough for the fuzzy feelings to disappear from his stomach.
Jens. There’s not much to talk about really. And isn’t that a punch-in-a gut kind of truth considering it was his best friend? Isn’t it heartbreaking that Robbe didn’t even feel like fighting for that relationship and there’s a nagging voice in his head telling him that Jens didn’t either? Just a regular heated argument was enough to finally cut that last string, to put a stop to a friendship that had been hanging by a thread long before. Not that they had noticed.
He felt awful, afterwards. More alone than ever before. But deep down he knew it had only been a matter of time. He just wished Sander had been there to pick up the pieces.
“Sorry I didn’t tell you sooner,” Robbe winces, going back to apologizing once he translates his feelings to words the best he can, hoping he made Sander understand.
The boy pulls a face at him, eyes narrowed as he pretends to give him a stern look. “Enough with apologizing today, okay?” He waits until Robbe nods, albeit begrudgingly, because it’s in his second nature to keep saying sorry when he knows he messed up.
He nestles against his pillows to get more comfortable as he glances to the window, registering that sometime during their call it got completely dark outside, November days getting shorter still. He can feel tiredness starting to creep into his bones, the nervous anticipation before their call he had endured all day wearing him down significantly.
There are still some things he needs to get out of his chest and Sander coaxes them gently one by one, listening to him moaning and groaning about his school course load and how he thinks he’s not skilled enough to come up with interesting ideas and being quick to cut him off and reassure him when Robbe’s words get self-deprecating. He’s so attentive and so patient with him, not even an ounce of judgement in his eyes that Robbe feels the pressure and stress that have accumulated over the last few weeks finally letting go with each word he pours out.
When the conversation eventually steers to Robbe’s uni friends and he admits sheepishly that he kinda ghosted them lately, feeling too blue to go out and have fun, Sander interrupts him mid-sentence.
“You should reach out to them, tonight.”
At Robbe’s unsure look, he continues, “If they’re as cool as you made them out to be, I’m sure they’re gonna understand you needed some time to figure things out.”
He then proceeds to cover his ears and whistle, refusing to talk more until Robbe caves and shoots a text to the group chat, trying to keep it short, but explaining things along the way and making amends. Sander’s very pleased with his persuasion skills, beaming at him when Robbe reads him the replies he gets from Lucas, Marie and Fien, wearing a small smile himself as he rolls his eyes at Sander’s smug face.
Sander then asks about his mom and it’s so sweet because he always makes sure to ask, and Robbe falls for him even more each time he does. He’s a bit reluctant when Robbe tries to make him talk about his recent days, keeps saying this call is not about him, but he gives in before Robbe gets upset about it.
Watching his eyes light up with excitement when he talks about his classes works like a balm for Robbe’s yearning heart, Sander’s genuine happiness making his own struggles worth it. It’s a nice reminder that he’s there to make his dreams come true and that it’s everything Robbe has wished for him.
When Sander talks about shenanigans with his friends, Robbe recalls the TikTok video he watched some days ago.
“Nice Michael Jackson moves, by the way,” he comments, trying to sound innocent, but it ends up coming out a little coyishly as he bites at his finger to hide his smirk.
Confusion clouds Sander’s face but only for a second. Then, his lips stretch in a wide grin and he looks very pleased with the confession. “Have you been stalking me, Robin?”
Robbe shrugs, a picture of innocence as he keeps peeking at him from under his lashes. “I might’ve seen a video or two. They’re all so thirsty for you in the comments though,” he adds, putting a note of faux-jealousy in his voice. He quickly noticed that Sander’s new uni friend is semi-popular on the app so his videos always get a fair share of comments. Ever since Sander appeared in them, the hoard of the guy’s fans has been declaring their love for Robbe’s boyfriend under every video. They mostly make him laugh, but sometimes he’ll roll his eyes at some of the raunchier ones, possessiveness that he didn’t know he had activating in his brain.
He waits for Sander’s cocky comment, but to his utter delight, he blushes deep red and scoffs.
“Shut up, it’s so embarrassing,” hiding his face in his hands, he adds, “All of my friends have been teasing me about it constantly.”
“Aww, poor you, being fawned over must be such a hardship, how do you cope?”
“Oh I don’t know, smartass, you can tell me from experience ‘cause I saw those comments under your old vlogs.”
Robbe huffs a laugh. “They were nowhere near as detailed as yours!”
“What can I say, I’m irresistible,” Sander quips back and yeah, there he is, Robbe’s favorite (cocky) dork. “If I’d known you’re my TikTok fan, I’d have sent you those videos right away so you wouldn’t have to waste your time searching for them."
Robbe sighs. “They are a nice window to your life there,” he replies offhandedly, not even registering the implied double meaning to his words, but the immediate change in Sander’s amused expression makes him aware of the slip.
Fuck.
“So you noticed. That I’ve been texting you less.”
Robbe drops his gaze, pulling the cover further up his body, feeling awkward again. He doesn’t want to make a big deal out of this.
Sander shifts on his bed, scratching at his head. “I felt like I was too much, you know? I wanted to share every silly thing with you, but then, well, it was something Josh said that I should,” he waves vaguely trying to find the right words, “cut back on my ‘running commentary’ ‘cause it’s probably annoying.”
“Tell Josh he’s stupid,” Robbe cuts in with a huff, grumpily beating his pillow into submission to make it more comfortable.
The corners of Sander’s mouth twitch at his comment, but his face remains sheepish. “I think he was mostly joking, but it got stuck in my mind and made me question every message. In the end, I didn’t send like half of them,” he explains softly, voice colored with poorly hidden self-consciousness. “I didn’t want to give you the impression I don't have time for you, I’m sorry.”
And, fuck. They’re both idiots.
Sander’s brows shoot up when Robbe bursts into giggles out of the blue, clearly surprised with the reaction. But at this point, it feels like the only proper thing to do.
“So basically we could have avoided this whole bullshit if we just talk about all this sooner,” he groans at the realization, burying half on his face in his pillow to hide his heated face because he’s a little embarrassed he blew things out of proportion.
There’s a visible relief on Sander’s face too, eyes crinkling as he regards him with a dopey grin, and Robbe knows.
They’re gonna be fine.
“Here I thought we were masters of communication,” Sander sighs with a faux-disappointment, leaning back to smile at the ceiling. “Fuck, no more of assuming shit, what do you think?”
And that sounds like something Robbe can get behind one hundred percent, more than ready to leave their misunderstandings in the past and just do better. So he nods, chin digging into his collarbone uncomfortably with the position he’s lying in, but it doesn’t matter, he’s too preoccupied with staring at his happy face and swimming in his fuzzy feelings.
“Prepare yourself for an onslaught of photos and messages, I’m not messing around,” Sander warns, smiling at Robbe’s soft okay. “You know, just a few days ago I ended up at Pebble Beach, it was cold as all fucks, but the view was just,” he imitates an explosion over his head and Robbe giggles at his childlike enthusiasm. Then, Sander’s face softens and becomes a little sad. “That place is so romantic that it made me feel like shit without you there,” he sighs, and Robbe can relate. “I’ll take you there one day.”
“You’re gonna take me to New York?” Robbe asks, doubt lacing his voice as he cocks his brow which makes Sander scoff in indignance.
“Hell yeah! You don’t believe me? What do you think I’m doing here everyday? I’m scouting the best places for dates, finding the best skateparks and checking out all the museums so I can be the perfect guide for you!” Sander throws his hands, a duh expression on his face, but there’s a wide smile brewing on his lips letting Robbe know he’s not really offended or anything. And, honestly, Robbe just melts with his words.
“I can’t wait, baby,” he sighs dreamily, rubbing his cheek against his pillow as he gazes at him with what he’s sure is the softest look.
Sander narrows his eyes playfully from above the can of Redbull he’s been sipping on. “Don’t ever doubt I’m gonna go out of my way to impress you.”
Robbe blows him a kiss that morphs into a huge yawn, eyelids growing heavy, forcing him to blink repeatedly to stay away which prompts Sander to tease him a little about boring him, but it quickly dies out and he’s just looking at him fondly.
“You should go to sleep.” He ignores Robbe’s melodic neeees, giving him a stern look that was probably supposed to be intimidating, but he looks too amused to keep it up. Once Robbe gets his promise they will see each other tomorrow, Sander sends him several virtual kisses and goodnights before logging off.
Robbe falls asleep with Sander’s beaming face flowing through his mind.
The sleep that comes is unsurprisingly the calmest he’s had in weeks.
Sunday, 18:00
Sander: And?
Robbe: And what?
Sander: Was I right?
Robbe: About?
Sander: About your friends
Robbe: Kinda
Sander: So it means I was 😎
Robbe: :):):) yes
Sander: Thank you sander
Robbe: Thank you sander
Sander: See, you're so precious everybody's in love with you and forgive you in seconds
Robbe: 🙄
Robbe: Precious srsly?
Sander: So precious 🥰
Robbe: Omg
Sander: Haha
Robbe: We're good 😊
Robbe: But I don't think they are in love with me 😂
Sander: They better not be 🤨 I'll fight them all! 🗡💀🧟🤺
Robbe: Dork ❤
Robbe: I think they a little bit in love with u though 🤔
Robbe: They've been babbling all afternoon about how cute you are 🙄
Robbe: A g a i n *yawn*
Sander: They have good taste 🤷♂️
Robbe: Nah they just don't know your annoying habits so that's why
Sander: 😮 I don't have any how dare you badmouthing me like that
Robbe: 🥴
Robbe: You never wash your coffee cups right away so they lay around
Robbe: You always tickle me when you want sth
Robbe: You're full of corny jokes
Robbe: You eat my fries when I don't look
Robbe: You hog the covers
Robbe: And I still remember that Wednesday when you ate my last bag of chips 💔
Sander: Okay first of all
Sander: Wow
Sander: Don't hold back 🥺
Sander: Second of all
Sander: I THOUGHT THOSE CHIPS WERE MILAN'S I TOLD YOU!!!
Robbe: That's what they all say 💔
Sander: You're unfair, I thought I made up for that lil mistake 🍆
Robbe: Well you did 🙈 but I still remember 😝
Sander: Also you love my jokes
Sander: They're awesome 🤧
Robbe: I'm just messing around 😘😘
Sander: 🥰
Robbe: But I swear to god if I have to listen one more time to Marie waxing lyricals about your 'perfect moles' I'm gonna 🤮
Sander: What haha 😂
Robbe: I mean they are but like
Robbe: Chill girl he's not your man 🤨
Sander: That's right cause I'm your man 😏
Robbe: And don't you forget that
Thursday, 3:48
Soft knuckles brush his skin, body arching into the touch that turns his muscles into jelly and sends liquid fire rushing through him. He’s overheated in the best way possible, seeking out Sander’s tongue, but the boy denies him access, smirk well in place as he pulls back, green eyes cloudy from lust. He’s staring at him like he wants to eat him whole and Robbe almost whimpers, bones melting and lids closing when Sander takes the tender flesh of his neck between his teeth and bites at it ever so gently, but just enough to make Robbe see stars.
He sighs as he feels a ghost of touch on his nipple, Sander leaving a trail of kisses down his sternum as he’s moving so teasingly slow to his final destination, and he doesn’t even hesitate, spreading his legs wider around Sander’s hips in a blatant invitation, blushing hot pink when Sander sends him a fox-like grin, mouthing at his inner thigh.
The details get fuzzy for a few seconds, Robbe blinking rapidly to get his surroundings and finding himself on top of Sander, and there’s an inkling at the back of his brain telling him something’s messed up about the logistics here. He decides to ignore it, focusing back on the moment and Sander’s glistening, kiss-swollen lips, on his eyes transfixed on the place where they’re connected, and he leans down, his tongue sweeping over his Sander’s bottom lip before he starts pressing soft, spit-slick kisses into his mouth. He pushes Sander’s hands up over his head and intertwines their fingers, arching his back as he takes over, the rush of pleasure almost overwhelming him.
“Ohmygod, Sander,” Robbe breathes into his mouth. His hands are trailing all over Sander’s chest and stomach now, squeezing and rubbing almost like he’s his personal plaything.
It’s not long before Sander’s warm hands draw him back towards his chest, lips ghosting along Robbe’s, teasing, always teasing, but not granting permission to properly meet, making Robbe impatient and whine in desperation only for Sander to grin wickedly at him. He feels nails dragging along his spine, leaving goosebumps in their wake, stopping at his cheeks, massaging them to his heart content while Robbe can only pant, rocking back and forth and biting his bottom lip to keep from coming.
He’s an oversensitive, blissed out mess, trying to keep his eyes open to take a mental snapshot of Sander’s lust-blown pupils as they watch each other, Sander fucking him slowly and punching the prettiest sounds out of Robbe’s mouth.
Hips stuttering, he drops back down on his elbows to crash his lips against Sander’s, feeling his body tensing he’s so close and-
Eyes shot wide open, blinking harshly against the darkness of the room. His first instinct is to reach out to the other side of the bed, snuggle closer to the source of heat lying next to him, but his brain catches up with his hands quickly and he stops himself mid-reach, groaning as he flops back on the bed, disappointed. He kicks his covers down grumpily, letting cold air hit his overheated skin, frustrated and too awake to go to sleep now.
Fuck.
Thursday, 13:08
*photo attached*
Sander: Good morning x
Robbe: Heeyy sleepyhead 😘
Robbe: You look cute
Sander: I had very interesting dreams last night
Robbe: Oh yeah?
Sander: Yeah I'm still affected by them 😏
Robbe: Stop it I'm at a coffee shop with the guys!
Sander: I'll have to tell you about it tonight then 😈
Robbe: Can't wait 😘
Sander: Today at 16 my time right?
Robbe: Yep :)
Robbe: You know
Sander: Hmm?
Robbe: I might have some of those dreams too last night
Sander: 🥵🥵🥵
Sander: Do tell
Robbe: 🙈
Sander: Now I’m super intrigued 😈
Robbe: How about I tell you tonight
Robbe: With details
Robbe: Lots of them
Sander: Tonight can't come fast enough 😩
Sander: Looks like I will though 😏
Robbe: Omg you're such a dork 😂
Sander: Did it get u hot
Robbe: No wtf 😂
Sander: ☹🥺
Sander: Kay
Sander: I have to get up now
Sander: I'm late 🙄
Sander: Robin it's raining I don't wanna go out 😩
Robbe: Haha get your pretty ass out of bed and go be a good student!
Sander: Ugh fine 🙄
Sander: I love you ❤
Robbe: ❤
Sander: Hey no, not an emoji, tell me you love me ☹
Robbe: Haha
Sander: Come on
Robbe: 🤐
Sander: Robbe
Robbe: Gotta go 😌
Sander: Okay then 😔💔
Robbe: I love you too idiot ❤❤❤💯
Sander: Yesss 🥰
Sander: Hey that's my emoji 😏 so you like it after all
Robbe: 😂 go to class!!!
Sander: I'm going I'm going
Friday, 19:00
Robbe checks his phone for time again, not wanting to be late for his call with Sander, but there’s still about half an hour until he should get going. It’s been a pleasant evening and a while ago he would have never called any time of the day spent with his father ‘pleasant’, but there he is. Enjoying his dinner not only with him but also with his girlfriend of six months that he met in July when the first attempts to salvage the relationship with his dad have been made.
And it’s all because of Sander. The fact that he’s even here speaks volumes about his skill of persuasion. If it hadn’t been for his boyfriend, Robbe would have continued to stew in his own juices and ignored his dad.
“How is Sander doing? New York is a jungle.”
Robbe huffs a laugh. “He’s good, he fits in well in the city vibe. But, um, he needs to stay a bit longer, till February actually ‘cause the school postponed the art show.”
He goes for another bite, frown on his face at the mere reminder of the change of plans.
“You probably hate it, huh?” his father questions.
His only response is to throw him a duuuh look, making his dad snort.
“You should visit him.”
Robbe looks up from over his spaghetti, expecting to see his dad laughing or winking at him, but both him and Margaux are looking at him with unsuspecting smiles, like the suggestion is the most obvious thing in the world.
He exhales a short dad in a laugh, glancing at them back and forth. “I don’t have a spare several thousand euros lying around waiting to be spent on a trip to New York,” he explains, slight exasperation in his voice.
“Oh I don’t think you’d need that much, Robbe,” Margaux smiles at him as she puts away her fork and reaches for her phone. “A few months ago I was actually backpacking with my friend through the East Coast and, wait, let me check, I have everything saved on my AirBnB account.”
Robbe gets back to his dinner as she scrolls on her phone, trying to squish the building hope in his chest away because even if it’s cheaper than he thinks, there’s still no way he can afford it; his equipment and books for school have eaten all of his savings.
“There it is! Look,” she scoots her chair closer to him, his dad peeking at the phone from the other side. “We stayed in Brooklyn for 98$ a day for a double bed, in Bedford to be exact and the conditions were really nice, plus the train station was close by. I’m sure you could find something half as cheap since it’s just you and the room can be tiny, just to sleep really.”
“That’s a reasonable price, I think,” his dad joins in, and then proceeds to ask her questions about her other expenditures while in the city and the flight prices, debating whether it’s better to drive to Frankfurt and take a direct flight from there or maybe decide on a layover flight from Brussels.
They are so into the planning and discussing the best options that they both jump slightly when Robbe speaks again, clearly forgetting he’s sitting right next to them, a picture of confusion.
“Guys, guys, wait. It doesn’t matter if it’s 1500 euros, or even 1000 euros because that’s still a 1000 euros more than I have to spend on a trip anywhere.”
His dad is so enthralled into checking different flights that he barely raises his head from above his phone, replying offhandedly, “I’ll pay for it.”
And, okay, no. Robbe gapes at him like he grew two heads, spluttering, because hell no.
“No way, I won’t take your money, dad.”
His vehement tone finally makes his father properly regard him and he sighs after a second. “Robbe, please don’t treat it as an attempt to buy you or your feelings.”
Straight to the point, his dad, always has been. It definitely is one the reasons for his refusal, but it’s not only that.
Robbe takes a deep breath to calm down. “Look, dad, it’s still lots of money. I can’t-”
“I’m many things, but irresponsible with money I’m definitely not. So if I say that I can pay for it, it means that I can afford it and it won’t affect me.” He gives him a pointed look. Before Robbe can argue again, he continues. “We can treat it as your Christmas gift. And next year’s birthday gift. And last two Christmases gifts as well.”
Robbe thinks about the packages he received from his father those holidays, and how he sent them back without even opening. Then, it definitely felt like buying his affection.
“You’ve been doing good at school, got into the university you wanted, you’ve been more responsible those last few years that I could’ve ever asked from you. Then you worked during the summer because you were adamant about paying for school stuff yourself. I think you earn it, Robbe. If you don’t want to go for other reasons, then that’s fine, but if it’s just about the money, please let me give you this.”
“New York is the kind of place everyone should visit at least one,” Margaux says gently. She has a warm smile that immediately made Robbe like her, despite really trying not to for obvious reasons. “And I think Sander would love for you to come visit too.”
Robbe has been torn before she spoke, but the mention of Sander reminds him of their videocall a while back, Sander telling him about places he was going to show him one day, being his guide and taking him to his favorite spots in the city. He can see it all vividly now when the opportunity is at his fingertips, can’t stop the excitement filling his body at the thought of seeing Sander before that dreadful February, even though he’s still now sure what to do.
While he’s been lost in his thoughts, trying to come to some conclusion, Margaux has been typing away at her phone. “Dates around Christmas are very expensive, but what would you say about, let’s say, December 8th? Til December 17th?”
Robbe wouldn’t even consider Christmas because there’s no way he would leave his mom alone for the holidays, but… the dates Margaux offered seem kinda perfect. His main project is due on December 4th so he wouldn’t have to worry about that and it’d be fine if he missed classes for those several days. Completely unaware, he finds himself making plans in his head before he even made a decision to accept his father’s money, but when his eyes snap to his dad’s, the small smile he gives him lets him know he already knows Robbe’s answer.
December 7th, 22:00
His excitement has been uncontainable the entire day, making him so giddy he had to cancel his regular call with Sander because his boyfriend would figure him out in seconds. And that’s the last thing he wants.
He’s still in shock that he somehow managed to keep it from him, planning a surprise in his head ever since he agreed to his dad’s help and working extra hard at uni to afford missing those 8 days of school. There’s apparently been one close call when Younes almost spilled the beans to Sander during their Zoom, but thank god for Yasmina who managed to effortlessly salvage the secret, improvising and coming up with an easy lie, leaving him unsuspicious of any ploy going on.
And Robbe just. He just can’t wait. He’s been counting hours since last week, his lips yearning to be kissed by his favorite person, body pining for touch and caress.
Lost in the dreams of their reunion, Robbe’s startled by a ping from his phone, lips stretching in a wide smile when he sees a notification from Sander’s instagram. He opens it, curious, melting when he’s greeted with a graffiti sign saying ENKEL LIEFDE, Sander’s style easily recognizable to him. Underneath, there’s a heart and his own handle and that shit never fails to make Robbe heart stutter. There’s a DM from Sander waiting for him as well, the same photo, but Sander’s caption says The High Line needed its own version of my love declaration for you, but unfortunately I couldn’t find enough space for a redo of your gorgeous face Robin :( So I did this :) You like it?
He replies with a bunch of red hearts, likes the post and adds another heart in a comment because there’s never too many of those. Then he flops back on his bed, a smile glued to his face.
Nineteen hours.
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The Unvarnished Truth; Satan x GN!MC; Smut
A commission piece for @getbehindme-satan who wanted soft Satan smut and a storyline for minor angst, so here we are!
Tags: NSFW//, Satan X GN! MC, Soft Sex, Sensual, Creampie
Word Count: 7K
AO3 Link: Here
Masterlist | Buy Me A Coffee?
--
These last few hours had been torture, some strange spell had taken over The House of Lamentation while you had been at RAD finishing some school work, arguing and shouting between all of the brothers as they were forced to reveal their truths about one another. Apparently Satan had wanted to prank Lucifer and ended up using a more powerful spell than he had intended to, now all of them were under a pact to tell the truth for the next 18 hours, the last 3 and a half had been nothing but shouting, from everyone, and the 30 minutes before that was the revelation.
The common room had all of the brothers in and you had tried your best to walk past without being seen, hoping to get to the kitchen and make a drink so you could get back to your studying but you had been spotted. Your name shouted from five out of seven of the brothers, Satan and Lucifer being the only ones who had decided to ignore, faced away from each other with their arms crossed and brows furrowed.
“MC!” Asmodeus was clinging to your arm, dragging you into the site of conflict, a very loud groan leaving your mouth as you rolled your eyes, “I am the most handsome out of my brothers aren’t I?” Asmodeus’ voice was desperate to know your answer but before you could interject with your opinions Lucifer piped up.
“MC has not been affected by Satan’s immature spell so you won’t get the truth from them, Asmodeus” you looked at the eldest with disdain, Asmodeus sighing as his plan was foiled. He knew that the brothers would respect your word and finding out that Lucifer, Mammon, and, astoundingly, Beelzebub thought themselves more handsome than him had floored the avatar of Lust.
“Lucifer no fair! This is ridiculous, you used to think I was the most beautiful angel in the celestial realm. What changed?” Asmo looked like he was about to cry, his eyes sparkling with new found tears as his brothers looked on to his breaking visage, the new information breaking his spirit in a way he never thought would happen.
Lucifer sighed before taking a step towards you both, intent on leaving the room “Any answer you receive you will not be content with, Asmodeus, this is ridiculous, I am spending the remainder of this time in my study away from all of your prying questions”
“Why?” You heard some of the men gasp as Satan’s voice piped up, “scared we’ll actually get some answers to the question we ask on a constant basis?” All of you, apart from Lucifer, were looking at Satan, his hands on his hips and a red, angry, glow surrounding his aura.
Lucifer took a sharp breath in before sighing and continuing to walk out, “perhaps, there is a reason I don’t answer them?”
“Because you want to keep us tied to you?”
“Satan, calm down…” Mammon stepped forward with his hands out, in an attempt to calm Satan before he got too ahead of his accusations. You could do nothing but look between them, the tension in the room so thick you could basically see the lightning flashing between stares and glares.
“Yes”, Lucifer clasped a hand to his mouth, eyes wide as gasps echoed through the room.
You attempted to diffuse some of the tension, stepping between Satan and his brother, “Lucifer… he didn’t mean that, it’s a hard question to answer truthfully, especially in one ans-“
“I knew it. You just want to keep us locked up down here, with you!” Belphegor pointed at Lucifer, daggers in his eyes as Beelzebub held him back. Venom was basically dripping from Belphegor’s words, poison spat with the last two.
“I’m keeping you all safe!” Lucifer spun around, hand cutting through the air as silence fell over the room, furrowed brows and agape mouths directed to him. No one spoke, no one dared to, not a single person in that room wanted to break the silence with their words, instead they chose to remain quiet and go their separate ways.
Lucifer turned back around with a huff and stormed off to his study. Mammon sighed and sat down onto the sofa. Leviathan walked off behind Lucifer mumbling to himself about something, Satan stormed into the corner of the room so he wouldn’t have to see the back of his eldest brother. Asmodeus, Beel, and Belphie all sat down together talking amongst themselves about the revelation. All that was left was you. You stood there dumbfounded and at a loss for words, no way of knowing how you wanted to tackle this situation and which one of the brothers to go and check on first.
“MC?” Mammon’s voice cut through the silence, and you turned to face him, a genuine look of concern on the demon of Greed’s face, “are you alright?”
“That was a shit show, Mammon” you sighed and walked over to sit next to him, planting your head in your hands and staring over at Satan. He was sitting in the chair and reading, a pout on his lips and a furrow upon his brow as his hand supported his slightly red face.
“Yeah you ain't gotta tell me that” Mammon leaned back and held his hands against the back of his head sighing frustratedly, stretching his legs out and letting his tension melt away. “The fact of the matter is that this ain’t gonna be a quiet house until this curse wears off”
You were still staring at Satan, a lovelorn look in your eyes but a naturally furrowed brow. “Mammon, why are things always so complicated here?”
“It’s only natural for demons to run wild, ya know? We weren’t allowed to do much of this when we were angels, got our orders and then we had to stick to ‘em”
“Satan never got that though, did he?”
“Naw, he was born out of Lucifer’s wrath, so he only spent a little while in The Celestial Realm gettin’ to grips with being alive and all, and then suddenly we were at war, and then we were here”
“Do not talk of me as if I am not here.” Satan stood up and glared at the both of you before walking past, presumably to his room or the library. You gave him a sorry look, and stuttered to apologise but it was denied, he had already walked past you with his nose held high and a huff in his breath.
“MC?” Beelzebub called out your name and you looked over, another demon who was concerned for you, “don’t let it get to you” he gave you a soft smile as Belphegor ignored Asmodeus’ pleas for attention.
You replied with your own smile before standing and sighing, “thanks Beel.” The room was cold, the fire doing nothing to ease the freezing tensions of previous confessions.
The house being quiet was alien, there was always an argument, music, conversations happening throughout the halls but not now. It was deathly silent, the soft sound of the teaspoon clinking along the sides of the mug as you stirred the sugar into your tea.
“I wonder if Satan is okay?” You murmured to yourself as you stirred aimlessly, sugar completely dissolved and liquid sloshing around without intent. A few minutes passed before the slamming of a door pulled you from your daydreams, you gasped and proceeded to compose yourself, cleaning off your dishes and walking back to your room.
As you passed Satan’s room you heard what you could only assume were books being thrown about as his voice rang out amongst the desolate stillness. You stopped at the door and knocked lightly, the throwing stopping as a stern statement rang out.
“What?”
“Satan are you alright?”
“No. Do I sound like I’m alright?”
“No…”
“Then go away.” His words hurt but you understood, he needed time alone before he could think rationally about it all and talk about it. He had to let his wrath calm down so you could talk about it, the perks of the Demon of Wrath having a soft spot for you.
“If you need to talk, then please come and see me. Okay?” You awaited his response but nothing came, so unfortunately you had to use a last resort. “Satan, will you come and see me about all of this when you’ve calmed down?”
“Y-yes.” The spell worked and he told you the truth, content with his reply you hummed affirmatively and began to walk back to your room.
Beel came walking down the other side of the hall, towards the kitchen and looking for a snack no doubt.
“Hey, Beel, are you okay?”
“Hungry”
You could see his brows furrowing as his eyes shone with a desperate tone, his stomach growling as evidence of his words. You chuckled and placed a hand on his bicep before stopping and tugging at the clothes, Beelzebub looked down at you with raised eyebrows and gave a confused hum.
“Beel do- do you really think you’re more handsome than Asmodeus?” His eyes widened before he sighed and looked away.
”Hmmmm, yes and- and no, I work hard to keep myself fit, Asmo works hard to keep himself looking like- him- I dunno I just feel like I work more to keep looking this way”
You looked at him with a newfound sense of awe, the gluttonous demon’s honesty making you feel just that little bit sad that his hard work to keep fit and healthy goes more unnoticed than Asmodeus’ work.
“Yeah you do have a point, this honesty thing is really hard to keep black and white when it’s all such a grey area…” Beel smiled at you and placed a hand on your head, ruffling your hair slightly and giving a small chuckle.
“It’ll be okay, we have you MC! You always get us out in the end” his reassuring words and smile brought a warmth to your chest, you wrapped your mug free hand around what you could of him and gave Beel a hug, his appreciative hum telling you he enjoyed it.
“There’s a Toad Mucus doughnut in the fridge that has my name on it, you can have it as a thank you” Beel’s eyes widened and he smiled thanking you silently.
You walked off to your room and proceeded to study for the night, cramming in as much research for your schoolwork before heading off to bed, still worried about Satan. He hadn’t come to visit you, even though he said he would and being under a truth spell means he wouldn’t have been able to lie.
Was he still angry? Was his room burning? Was everything smashed? As you spiralled into your thoughts a knock came at the door, and it didn’t even wait for you to say enter before opening.
Satan stood at the door frame as you popped your head out of the covers, he was dressed down in a t-shirt and some slacks and a slight frown on his face as he stood there. In the dim light he looked so small, frail and fragile as his emotions were laid bare amongst the two of you, his eyes averted as he lingered at the door.
“Do you want to come in?” You whispered, not wanting to disturb his delicate state.
“Yes…” You sat up and pat the space next to you signalling for him to join you. He closed the door and shuffled towards you before kneeling on the bed and sitting down in the space you had pat.
“Are you feeling better?”
He nodded and murmured, “I am”
“Good, I’m glad” you looked down at his hand, resting on the bed, curious whether he’d allow you to take it in this moment of fragility.
The silence was thick and impossible to cut through, you didn’t know what words you wanted to say, or what he wanted to hear. It was just the soft sounds of the echoes in the night, floorboards creaking and the sound of the heating system running through the pipes.
Satan grunted softly as he shifted around, it was so unlike him to come to you without knowing what he wanted, or what he even wished to ask in that moment. You both just sat there in the desolate silence, either enjoying eachothers company or desperately searching for something to break the tension.
“Did you break a lot?” Your voice could barely be heard even though silence was enveloping you both, Satan winced at your words and sighed.
“Yes, I did” you could hear the disdain in his voice, almost frightened by his own anger, as he curled up into his knees, chin resting upon his knees as you stared absentmindedly.
“I’ll help you tidy it tomorrow, would you like to sleep here tonight?” Your question took him by surprise, a gasp echoing into the night as your hands fiddled around with each other anxiously, sweat beginning to pool within your palm.
“I would” seeing his vulnerability laid out so bare just continued to take your breath away, you reached for the duvet and pulled it back, inviting him in. As you both shuffled around in the darkness, legs sliding into the covers and light grunts echoing amongst the rustling of fabric, your hands got tangled and ended up upon each other. Time stood still.
You stared down at your hands, breath hitching in your throat. What should you do? Should you pull away from him? Did Satan even want to hold your hand, was he enjoying this as much as you were?
His fingers curled around yours, body leaning in closer as his other hand came to your arm, thumb tentatively rubbing at your skin, heat crackling out from the contact as your breath quickened. You had no clue how one person could make you feel like this, a simple touch reducing you to a mumbling mess with sweat pooling at the base of your hairline.
His lips were an inch away from yours, hesitation in his breath as his jaw trembled, eyebrows twitching as his eyes darted around your face, taking in your structure, memorising it, making sure he wasn’t overstepping any boundaries. Nothing in your language told him to stop, the tremble of your breath merely activated by his intrusion as you leaned your face into his, the skin of your lips barely grazing over one another as your breath intermingled.
“Do you want to kiss me, Satan?” You barely finished your question before he replied, his voice shaking, all the confidence he placed in front of himself before his brothers vanished, the weak side of him being the only part he showed you now.
“I do, I have for weeks… longer than I’d care to admit” he leaned forward and closed the gap lips tingling against each other as your chest fluttered, the feeling that you’d been aching for was finally happening. Satan was kissing you and your whole body was melting into it, your fingers playing around and entwining with his, your other hand reaching out and resting upon his waist.
He pulled away and leaned his forehead against yours, breath trembling as he gave a single breathy chuckle.
“You taste exactly like I thought you would” you returned the laugh and leaned in to kiss him again, pushing your body closer to his and leaning your head into his touch, deepening the kiss. The hand on your arm worked down, along your waist, and rested upon your hip with the tips of his fingers sliding into the hem of your shirt. Satan liften himself onto his knees and crawled towards you, his body over shadowing yours as you leaned back and let him take you.
Your lips battled against each other as the heat kept rising, your bodies desperately trying to get closer as his chest rested upon yours, hand sliding up the crook of your back as his other hand supported his weight. One of Satan’s knees came between your legs, his other touching the side of your leg.
You grunted against his lips as your hand pulled him closer, his moans were soft and mewling, the hand at your side coming to your legs as you anchored it around the back of his knee, the sensation of his fingers sliding along your bare thigh making stars enter your vision.
Your hands tugged at his shirt, eager to remove the clothes, eager to just see and feel more of him within your grasp, his skin burning against your bare knuckles as they grazed fleetingly against his flesh in your hurried attempts to undress.
“Do you want this?” Satan pulled away from you and leaned his forehead against yours, the moment hanging in the air as you both lost yourselves within each other. You nuzzled your head into his just a little and snaked a hand up his shirt, feeling his skin shudder under your finger’s languid gaze.
“I do, Satan, I really do” your reply was hasty, eager to feel his lips upon yours again, your knee lifting up and softly caressing his groin and hardening erection. He sighed happily and returned to kissing you, the hand upon your back coming around and exploring your stomach, a shaky gasp echoing into his lips as your skin burned under the tips of his fingers.
You gripped the bottom of his shirt and tugged it up over his head, forcing both of you to part so you could receive what you so desperately craved. His skin looked flawless, your eyes widening in the dim light as your fingers shakily reached out to caress him. He had seemed so delicate before, you were scared to touch him lest he break under your hungry appetite, eager to have more of him around you, on you, within you.
“Touch me, please, I need you to” words you never expected to hear from Satan, he always seemed so composed and proud, but he was putty in front of you, half-lidded and desperate.
You nodded and sat up onto your knees, placing your lips upon his chest and dotting soft kisses along the top of his pecs and up his neck. His skin felt so warm, inviting you to touch it all over, your hands running along his chest and caressing the soft blonde hairs as your palms were gliding over his skin. His breath echoed in the night, raspy and desperate, his chest shakily shuddering under your touch. He leaned into your touch as soon as he felt it, your kisses on his jaw causing Satan to dip down into you, your hands drawing his body closer with each slight sensation until he was almost on top of you once again.
“I can’t wait anymore” his voice was low and dripping with his lust for you, a soft sweet melody accompanied by the lyrics you had so desperately craved for him to sing to you. His hand tugged your shirt over your head to reveal your chest, nipples perking up harder at the sudden hit of cool air. Satan wasted no time, he wasn’t joking around when he said he couldn't wait for you any longer, his mouth was already kissing around one of your nipples, and his hand sliding down your shoulder to your chest with the perked bud resting comfortably between the tips of his fingers.
A slight mewl escaped your throat as he licked at your skin, your stomach heating up with the newfound arousal, each touch beckoning you to melt within his grasp. Everytime Satan pulled away you could feel his breath on the wetness of your nipple and each time it drove you crazy, a shudder ringing it’s way up your spine accompanied by a sweet groan of his name. His other hand was stroking along your waist desperate to remain close to you as your body went limp in his grasp.
His knee was between your thighs and softly grinding against your clothed groin, your leg lifting and rubbing on his hip and upper thigh as your hands came to his neck and hair. One cupping his jawline with your thumb softly rubbing against his cheek as your other hand entwined within his golden locks, fingertips massaging his scalp begging him not to leave your chest. Satan was only too happy to comply, his tongue hungrily lapping at the bud, teeth nibbling at the skin, his fingers pinching your arousals, you could hardly control yourself. Your back was arching in pleasure and your hips working against you to grind your groin into his leg just to feel more of him upon you.
Satans lips left your nipple, the bud screaming out for him to return but it was soon silenced as he made his way down your abdomen, leaving a kissing trail so he could find his way back in the darkness. Your hands followed suit, remaining in his hair and upon the side of his neck and softly fondling his skin and hair as he silently worshipped you. Soft kisses and heated breaths were the only thing breaking the sexual tensions along with the soft darling of fabrics against the bed spread.
Satan’s head came to your groin and he nuzzled his nose into the areas just above the waistband of your trousers as his hands cupped the outer sides of your thighs, lifting them up slightly. The demon grazed his nose against the fabric of your crotch before dragging his lips on the inner of your thigh, your stomach flipping as shockwaves coursed through your skin, each nerve on end, every hair standing up as you gasped Satan’s name. His hands were so deft, lightly holding onto your thighs as he kissed your skin, taking your scent in with deep breaths and holding onto it for a few seconds just so he could savour it.
Your hips rolled around as you got more and more aroused, his hands sending flames through your nerves with each passing graze, green fingernails digging into your skin slightly. His lips continued to kiss around both of your thighs, going between left and right and giving them both equal time as he worshipped your skin.
After a while you became restless, wanting to give him a semblance of the same pleasure he was giving to you. You leaned up onto your elbow and threaded your hand back into his hair, alerting him to your ideas, a soft hum escaping him as he understood the look in your eyes.
“Please?” you whispered as he smiled at you, pressing one last kiss on your thigh before crawling back up over you and kissing your lips. In this moment you took it upon yourself to change it over, maneuvering your bodies so you were on top of him, your freshly kissed thigh between his legs and a hand resting upon his stomach. The soft muscle of his abdomen and his barely visible hairs felt upon your fingers as they caressed over his skin, a slight shudder felt through his breath as you leaned into the kiss even more.
His erection was at the forefront of your mind, the clothed muscle grinding softly against your lower stomach as your bodies rubbed together. You parted from his lips but not his skin, darting back to kiss down his chin, down his jaw and ending up on his shoulder sucking softly at the flesh between bites, nibbles, and kisses. It was Satan’s turn to become unravelled, his hips rolling into yours and softly grinding his dick against the bare flesh of your stomach.
You pressed your hand down onto him, silently telling him to desist so you could work your magic. Satan reluctantly stopped his hips and leaned his head back as your hand travelled down, palming his erection over his slacks, a soft gasp escaping his mouth as he sighed in relief. He was warm, even through the fabric, you could feel his dick twitching under your grasp as you massaged it slowly. You leaned down and kissed his chest, getting closer to his nipples with each lingering peck, your hand continued to massage his erection, the soft rustling of fabric against flesh filling the room.
Satan’s breathy moans spurred you on, hand clasping the waistband of his trousers and sliding them down, slowly revealing him in the most teasing of ways. His hips rolled around in an effort to quicken your pace but you kept steady, kissing the area around his nipple and denying him the touch he so desperately craved. A light grunt came from him as he looked up at you, a playful plea in his eye, aching for you to hurry.
The trousers, along with his underwear, were slid down and Satan’s erection popped out, lightly slapping his stomach as his hips jolted up. You smirked against his skin before softly grasping his dick, thumb square on the base of his head and massaging in tiny little circles over one of his veins, and slowly rubbing up and down the top of his shaft.
His breathing was erratic, chest heaving with tiny gasps as his body twitched with pleasure. You brought your tongue down onto the sensitive skin of his nipple and began to lick small, concentric, circles over his hardened bud, and for the first time, Satan audibly moaned. A moan that meant something, it could have been an echo of your name, you couldn’t make it out but this was progress. Satan was opening up and letting you in, letting you see this vulnerable side, the side of him that you drove wild, the side of him that was so obsessed with you that it was hard to even breathe around you without becoming enthralled.
His whole body was reacting to you, chest heaving with anticipation, hips rolling around with your teasing touches, breath getting hotter with each adrenaline fueled shock to his nerves. You began to pump his dick, hand working slowly along the shaft and keeping in time to the sensual rhythm you had both composed. Satan’s hips were rocking in time with your hand, his legs twitching as your thumbed over veins and skin, breath quickening, then halting as he took your touch in, before exhaling his tensions.
“MC- hah- that fe-” you shushed him as you looked up at his flushed face and knitted brows telling you everything you needed to know. You kissed his chest and began to move your lips downwards planting small smooches along various parts of his stomach and abdomen as you travelled down towards his erection. As you came to his neatly trimmed pubic hair Satan’s breath hitched in his throat, anticipation taking over his whole being as he found himself unable to breathe, hoping to feel the entirety of the pleasure you were about to grant him.
Your hand was still on his shaft, body sliding between his legs as you had travelled further down the bed. You kissed around the base of his dick, towards his balls, and moved his dick to softly graze along your cheek as you passed. The tiniest breaths escaped Satan as he looked down at you worshipping his skin with the daintiest of kisses dotted around his balls and the base of his dick. His hands gripped the bedsheet beside him, his knuckles bare white as your lips kissed up and along his shaft.
As you came to the tip you looked up at Satan and smiled at him, admiring his desperate lust and breathy sighs. Your hand pumped his dick a few more times as your lips were teasingly smiling against the tip, his breathy pleas becoming more erratic, brows furrowing down as he got impatient. You smirked before sticking your tongue out and licking along his slit, the precum dripping from the hole salty upon your tastebuds. Satan hissed in pleasure and his head dropped back onto the bed as your tongue licked up and down along the slit of his head.
A low moan escaped him as your tongue rolled it’s way around his dick, slicking it up with your spit before taking it within your mouth and bobbing your head up and down the top of his shaft. Another moan, slow and drawn out, as you took him within your mouth and moving your head up and down, your hand clutching the base and massaging it gently with the tips of your fingers digging in slightly. Satan’s hips began to rock slightly as he lifted the sheets within his hands, fabric rustling along with the soft mewls of the night. Satan’s soft grunts and moans as you pleasured him only made you want to continue like this, keeping him all to yourself but the deepinging hunger in your stomach only demanded that he pleasure you, too.
It had been a few minutes of your mouth around Satan’s cock, his hips rolling around as he panted in agonistic pleasure. You pulled off of him, enticing a small whine as he looked at you with lust-filled, half lidded, eyes that screamed for release. His face was flushed, eyebrows knitted together as he looked down at you with an open mouth and heaving breaths.
“MC?” Satan’s voice was shaky as he leaned up on his elbows, releasing the bed sheets from his grasp and lifting his knees slightly as you dotted kisses around the base of his stomach, slowly making your way up to his chest and sucking lighty at a spot upon his neck causing his to suck in another breath and to wake him from his lustful hypnosis, and wake up he did. His hand came to your waist and you both moved around with each other, his leg coming between your knees as he kissed your lips deeply.
Satan moved his face and nuzzled his nose into the crook of your neck and began to bite and suck at the skin of your shoulder, his hand slowly moving down to your waistband as his finger tips danced around the skin of your stomach taking in all of the crevices, every dip and turn of your flesh bore into his mind as he memorised your body through his touches. Everywhere he felt you sent tingles through your body, the heat in your stomach rising as he closed in on the waistband of your trousers.
As Satan’s fingers slipped into your clothing, under the trousers and within your underwear, you rocked your hips into his waiting touch. The sensation of him touching you was heaven, coupled with the feeling of his lips upon your skin causing you to become winded. His teeth softly biting down into your flesh a small amount of pain but mostly pleasure, the adrenaline covering anything that wasn't rapture in that moment. You could feel his tongue within his mouth as he bit you, rolling around on your skin desperately marking you as his with saliva.
His fingers slid down further and you raised your knee to accommodate the invasion, his fingers slick with your horny juices as he travelled further to your hole. Your trousers became a nuisance, getting in the way of his conquest. He huffed and moved back to rip them from you before taking his own off, leaving you both naked and desperate. No time to admire before he places your leg over his shoulder, leaning your body to the side while he sucked on the fingers he was going to enter within you, slicking them up for his grand entrance.
Once again Satan leaned down to kiss you while placing his fingers at your hole, one of the tips circling around slightly as your hips twitched into the touch. You brought your hands up to his face and cupped his cheeks, your fingers pushing away and entwining within the strands of hair that had fallen onto his face and stuck to the sweat of his brow. Your knee anchored on his hip as Satan tentatively inserted a finger within you, the tip moving further and further in, slowly and timid as your breath hitched within his mouth. You sucked in his remaining air as your back arched and your lips were ripped away from his, a sharp breath at the feeling of his finger within you, stretching your hole just a little.
“Hah!” a shrill gasp as Satan curled his finger within you and you felt yourself stretch just that little bit more, he smirked at the twisted pleasure on your face admiring the way he made you feel under his hands. Once again he memorised the way you looked right now, making sure he could remember it or time later in his life where, perhaps, you weren't around for him to have an, up and close, personal view. Another finger was inserted within you as Satan made an appreciative grunt, admiring how you were writhing and moaning along with his fingers.
“MC you look so beautiful” he whispered into your ear and you smiled in response taking fistfuls of his hair and softly pulling him towards you to plant a kiss on his lips as he thrusted his fingers within you, deeper and deeper until his knuckle was rubbing against your ass cheek. You were moaning into his lips and grinding into him with your hips, your groin slightly grazing against the skin of his thigh in an eager attempt to feel more of him on you.
With each thrust of his fingers your stomach flipped, an echoing chasm of arousal that sparked each nerve in your body as Satan’s fingers worked within you. It hadn’t been long but you could already feel your orgasm rising, that unmistakable thrumming of your groin as your muscles lightly contracted around his digits.
Satan’s fingers stopped and he smirked into your kiss, “already?” Pride was radiating from him as he slipped his fingers out of you, your hands unthreading from his hair as the thrum of your arousal dimmed down, still there but becoming dormant. Your breath was no longer quick and raspy; it mellowed out as you leaned towards Satan, slowly lifting your body up and dragging your hands down to his waist.
“Satan I-” you kissed his lips and began to move yourself around, switching your positions one more time, “-let me touch you, please?” Satan stuttered, his eyes glazing over as he darted between your own. Hesitantly he nodded, pride receding back as he let himself calm down once again, you understood him so well. Asking permission for you to see him in this vulnerable state only made him care for you more, he wanted to show you it, he craved the intimacy of you knowing him like that.
You smiled and took a breathy sigh, reassuring yourself and letting Satan feel comfortable with his decision. The sheets rustled as you moved down between his legs, your arms sinking below his thighs and pulling them up over your shoulders as you lay down between his knees. His dick lightly hit his stomach as you liften Satan’s hips and spread his ass cheeks, showing you his asshole. Your hands were cupping a cheek each and you licked your lips in anticipation of your next meal, his ass looked so inviting and the blush dusting his cheeks only attested to that.
With desperate anticipation you leaned down and licked at his hole his thighs shuddering against your shoulders as Satan gasped in pleasure once more. He tasted immaculate and your tongue only wanted to go deeper, you rolled it around the tight skin and savoured his flavour listening in on the sharp breaths of his pleasure. Satan’’s cock started twitching as you ate him out so you reached one of your hands over and began to pump it, lightly grasping the flesh and massaging it gently.
Satan moaned out your name as his thighs twitched and convulved next to your head, your own sense of pride radiating from within as he melted in your grasp. Once again he gripped the bed sheets to ground himself in his euphoric moans, your name cascading from his lips as his legs twitched in pleasure. You relished in his delighted whimpers, over stimulated with pleasure from your tongue and hand.
“M-Mc I’m-” Satan’s hips were bucking around, restless with their movements, a sweat once again on his brow as his orgasm drew near.
“Hush darling” you whispered, bringing your mouth away from his ass and kissing along the skin as you lay his hips back down onto the bed. All the way up his body Satan trembled at each kiss you dotted upon his skin, your legs coming to each side of his hips as you leaned down, ass in the air, and kissed his nipple. “Are you ready?”
“I am, I- I’m already close though” you smiled at him and cupped his cheek with your hand, “don’t you worry about that” he needed the reassurance that you would be fine if he came first. Satan smiled back and brought his hand up to yours to grasp it lightly. You leaned down and kissed his hand, then his forehead, and finally, his lips, before lowering your hips down and teasing your hole above his penis.
You rocked your hips against the tip of his cock, slightly taunting him as you kissed Satan deeply. His breath hitched as you slid yourself down and slowly entered him within you, a shockwave rupturing your nervous system as you finally got the satisfaction of what you had been craving. Satan hissed and pulled away from your lips his hand gripping yours as his breath hitched once more. You continued to slowly sink down onto him, his dick filling you up in all the right ways as your breath quickened, that pit in your stomach echoing into your chest as pleasure took over your soul.
A soft moan escaped both of you in unison, the feeling obviously mutual as both of you sighed in pleasure. Satan brought his hands to your hips as you lifted them up, your chest tightening as his dick pleasured you, electric running through your veins as you continued to fuck him. Your legs twitched at his sides and Satan’s convulsed behind you as you connected, the light slapping of flesh and your breathy moans ringing within the room as your muscles screamed out in rapture.
Satan became more confident as you both continued, anchoring his feet into the bed and lifting you up with his hips before dragging himself out of you and slamming himself within you. With each thrust of his hips your vision became clouded, words struggling to form within your head, all you could think about was the insurmountable pleasure you were receiving from Satan in this moment. Your moans became mindless babbles and the same happened for Satan, his thrusts becoming erratic and out of rhythm as fatigue pooled in droplets of sweat upon his brow.
You leaned down and kissed him, planting your hips onto his and forcing them down onto the bed once more, and then with your own rhythm you took over the pleasure. Both of your brows were knitted together and you sloppily kissed each other through the gratuitous sex, Satan’s dick touching your walls in every heavenly way you could imagine as you lifted and lowered yourself onto him.
His hands gripped at your hips, fingernails digging into your skin, before muttering your name through his raspy moans. His legs were twitching and you could feel the tension within his body as his orgasm climbed, you were closing in too but not as near as Satan.
“I- I’m-”
“Cum for me Satan, please?” You begged him in a hushed tone, lips right by his ear as he gasped in satisfaction. His breath was shaky as he nodded silently, eyes glazing over with tears as he absent-mindedly thrust his hips into you a few more times before crying out in a muffled whimper as he came within you. His cock pumping his seed into you as Satan’s chest heaved with his rapturous breaths, stray tears fell from his eyes as he looked up at the ceiling of your room. As he came down from his high you kissed his cheek and nuzzled your nose into his skin, offering him reassuring compliments.
“You didn’t cum, here let me” his dick was still within you but Satan moved his hand to your groin and began to massage you, the still waters of your orgasm once again rekindled as your hips moved with his fingers, you had been close before and the edging had only done wonders for your climax as his fingers danced and maneuvered around the most sensitive points. Your breaths became loose once again, disheveled through his tender touches, and soon enough you were cumming. Your back arched, planting your chest against his, as you muttered his name over and over again into his ear, your walls closing around his softening dick within you in sheer pleasure.
“Hah- hah- ahh~” you could do nothing but breathe your moans as you came down, the orgasm taking any energy you had previously causing you to slump on top of him, Satan’s hand wrapping around you and pulling you in close with nary a hair between your skin.
“That was-” he smiled with a breathy chuckle, “amazing”
“Really?”
“Yes, I mean it. All those night’s yearning to know what you felt like within my arms, I’m glad to know it’s better than I was letting myself believe”
“I feel the same” you lifted yourself up and placed a kiss on his cheek, stopping to appreciate the lovelorn glaze over his eyes.
“We should go to sleep soon,” he admitted with a tone of disappointment.
“At least we’ll wake up next to each other” you kissed him again before peeling yourself off of his chest, your sweat mixed in together with each other’s juices. “I’m going to go and clean up, okay? I’ll be back soon” Satan nodded and you quickly redressed and left for the bathroom.
Once you returned Satan was fast asleep on your bed with his boxer shorts hastily pulled on in his tired state. You smiled and walked over to join him, pulling the sheet over you both and placing a small kiss on his forehead, your own silent goodnight.
#Bal writes#satan x reader#obey me satan#NSFW//#obey me lucifer#Obey me beelzebub#Obey me Mammon#obey me leviathan#commission piece#obey me asmodeus#Obey me Belphegor
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