#ranted to my mum about it as well and she said it might be bc he's stoned out of his ass the whole time
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Little rant about my friend and consuming media lmao
Ok how do you consume media and still have NO IDEA who even the main character's name is? I recommended tma and bsd to a friend - well he started both. I ask him about it - like who his favourite character is or what he thinks of it - and he's so.... Confused almost? Like he just shrugged and said that he actually had no idea what was going on - which ok is kinda fair with bsd but like. you know the characters at least. Each one of them is introduced in some dramatic way, you can't MISS any of that and surely there's at least one character that gets your attention/that you relate to/that you find interesting. I mean ok maybe you forget the name or sth, but you at least remember the characters when I describe them to you, right? But no, my friend had no idea who for example Dazai was - DAZAI?! Like. What???? Or Atsushi.. the fucking main character???? Or chuuya???? Or - anyone??? I was so perplexed. How can you watch something and still have no idea about what you're watching?
The same happened with tma. I recommended it, he listened to the first few episodes. I asked him what he thought of Jon. HE DIDN'T KNOW WHO JON WAS I MEAN WHAT???? Oh idk he's just the guy reading the fucking statements. Before every statement he says "audio recording by Jonathan Sims" like how can you... miss that?
Idk, am I just consuming media so intensely or is he just... I don't even know.... Disinterested in engaging with the media one is consuming? It's not even that he doesn't like it. I asked him and he said it was good. But what exactly does he find good when he has no idea about. like. anything.
#vent post#personal#ranted to my mum about it as well and she said it might be bc he's stoned out of his ass the whole time#hhhhh#but i think more and more people don't have media literacy anymore#like they don't consume media critically they just watch whatever gets their attention first#it feels so dystopian....#like wasting your time on those types of media just so that you're passing the time and not engaging with it#idk if that makes sense#i think I'm kinda hurt as well bc i thought we could talk about these series together#i even watched some of the things he enjoyed but he doesn't have a clue about them either#he always says that i become the “expert” on those mediums anyways so he doesn't have sth to add to the conversation#but that's not at all what i want? like I'm not the expert of anything i just want to talk about what he enjoys#and maybe get him to talk about things i enjoy as well#this all feels so bitchy I'm so sorry#ok rant over ig#thank you for reading all of that🙏💕
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#i need to be away from here#gott i just...#im autistic right just fyi#and my mum does not treat me as if i were#like she has neurotypical standards for me which i have to meet otherwise there will be Bad Consequences#and this is killing me bc im not neurotypical#the only way she'll treat me as autistic is if i get officially diagnosed#which i kinda want but also dont want#and its just. she's. gott my relationship with her is so complicated but shes caused me so much hurt and trauma and pain and#thats what im feeling right now. that.#i should get a diagnosis for me not for her#but i dont think i can survive in this environment for much longer#i told my dad i might try get diagnosed (havent talked to him about autism before) n he was like “okay”#pretty much verbatim#which is realistically the best response i couldve had#then he went on a rant about how autism “didnt exist” in the past and how its caused by vaccines#and this drug which apparently helps with autism and when i said No im not doing that i dont want to be “cured” this is a thing that#shouldnt be cured he was like ??? then whyd you want a diagnosis#hhhh but that i can deal with. after 4 years of being subjected to his and my mums conspiracy theory bullshit i can put up with it#at first it really stressed me out but i can cope with it now and come up with well thought out and factual grounded counter arguments#n i told my mum that dads fine with me getting a diagnosis n then i asked her if when i get one she'll treat me as if i were autistic#and she laughed and was like wait until you get one#like she doesn’t think i am which shows how Fucking Little she knows about me and how much i have to hide from her#because shes always shouted at me for Every Autistic Trait i display#im never fucking good enough for her#she treats me and percieves of me as if im neurotypical and Im Not#i remember once (after something happened) i heard her shout “WHY CANT I HAVE FUCKING NORMAL CHILDREN” or something like that#that sticks with you.#that shit hurts and sticks with you#who gave this woman two queer autistic mentally ill children to raise who's fucking plan was that
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I'm going to put this rant under a "keep reading", because it might hurt some people and also because I only want it read by those who care. so just know this is about my dad.
the day before yesterday, my sister had to call dad to ask for help (not going to specify what kind of help bc that's personal) and she wanted to make the call at mine and mum's house for emotional support. that's fine, as long as she doesn't tell him we're here. well, i put my headphones in to drown out what I was sure would be his angry voice, because he hates giving this kind of help. when my sister hung up, however, mum mentioned how "surprising" it was and how he had so much "growth" because he was kind and gentle and immediately helped without question or judgement. and my sister said something that really hurt.
"he's not like that with you?"
no. he talks to me like he's barely containing his rage, like my mere existence is an inconvenience to him. and I realised that oh. I'm not worth being nice to. I had a moment - a brief moment - of guilt that I went no contact with no chance of "parol", and he had actively changed. but he hadn't actively changed. he's just different to my sister. I am not loved by him, or his family. I am not worthy of their kindness.
the only thing i did wrong was be chronically ill and have a shutdown fear response to their abuse. neither of these things I can change.
#mushroom rants#tw abuse#in the wise words of demi lovato 'even if the stars and moon collide i never want you back into my life'#i dont want to be pitied#the things said in this post do not tie into my selfworth#its not negative self speak its an astute observation#i do not care about him or his family enough to have their opinions shape how i think others see me#the things i said were only in reference to these specific pieces of shit#thanks for listening if you did#no judgement if you didnt
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For some reason I feel really safe with you???? Even tho we don't talk??? so yeah I'm coming here to rant for a bit even tho its not really the vibe of your blog so I'm sorry for that. Ok so I'm bi and proud now including to my family, and I have a girlfiend of almost 2 years that was my best friend for about 4 years before that, my family knows and loves her. Well... my mom is sort of a dick and decided that she hates my gf now that I came out and also to just discredit my relationship and my sexuality saying that I dont know what I'm feeling and all that and like... I know its none of her business, this reaction is actually a lot better than what I expected from her and I know she is just a dick in general (my quarantine realization was finally understanding that no I'm not dramatic, I just have a emotionally abusive mom) but damn it fucking hurts bc I love this girl so much,she has saved me from myself so many times, she can make me smile even through my darkest times and my mom gets all mad just at me TEXTING her. For some reason I was chill with her glossing over my sexuality bc well, I already expected that and worse from her homophobic ass, but her being dismissive and disrespectful of the only long term relationship I've ever had just bursts so fucking much????? I don't know why I'm bothering you with this I just needed to put my feelings out somewhere and for some reason I felt comfortable doing it here.
hey you are not bothering me! i am very much offended & outraged on your behalf. i hope that you feel empowered in the realisation that you are not being dramatic in response to your situation. all of your feelings are so fucking valid & i want you to know that, 100%. having an emotionally abusive parent is really shitty but it does not have to define you or rule over your life- 1 day those chains will break & it will become someting you can put in your rearview mirror, its part of your past but it doesnt have to be your future.
i am very happy that you have a gf you can lean on in times like this. almost 2 years is such a significant amount of time (congrats to both of you!!!). its clearly not a phase- this relationship is a beautiful living & breathing creation all on its own & the best part is- you & your gf do not need any outside sources to validate/cultivate it for you, it is yours & yours alone, you dont have to ask for anyone elses permission, there are only 2 people in your relationship & so long as youre on the same page, everything else should work itself out.
having someone that can be there for you & save you from yourself is literally the most valuable thing in this whole entire world. having someone that cares enough to be there in the darkness, it is literally the most significant & beautiful thing & my heart just overflows to know that you have that.
stay centred with your gf, stay fixed on the relationship that does nourish you.
its really shitty that as queer people we literally anticipate homophobia as a default-- but theres a silver lining & that is that we all get each other! the gay experience is unfortunately a whole lot of trauma, but on the same side of that coin, its fortunate cos we can look at each other & just know: hey yeah you've seen someof the same shit as me, im safe with you
pls know that your relationship is nothing to be glossed over or dismissed or diminished in any shape or form. what you have with your gf is beautiful, you 2 have found in oneanother the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow & the rainbow is gay & its bright & its beautiful & guess what- the pot of gold is even more beautiful & you deserve it!
i guess my only advice is that gay is defined within each person & you dont need your mother to approve of your own definition of your gayness, it can exist indepedent. it will get easier. the 1st time i came out to my mum she laughed, the 2nd time i did (both times as bi) she said ‘you might find you’re 1 of those people who likes 1 or the other’ & being invalidated like that (clearly in no way comparable to your current bullshit state) itkinda screwed with my head. but i live independently now & i have people who understand my position & respect my journey & never question my identifiers. so just know that there are people out there who will not only accept you for your bisexuality but they’ll fucking love you for it & they will never question it or make you feel lesser than for it. there is a community here & you never have to feel alone
#thankyou for sharingsincerely#vulnerability is beautiful & brave#& i honor that you chose to share that here
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so whats the context on One Day
whats it called when you have headcanons and make content that isnt exactly an au because it doesnt technically contradict anything from canon? that. this is after part 5 and way before part 6, so essentially, it might as well be canon you know
so basically. after part 5 ends, polnareff and giorno exchange notes and figure out the whole dio thing, which gets giorno in contact with the swf and the Greater Joestar Family Tree, which is a daunting concept for him. trish picks up on it and they have several discussions about the nature of having evil super powered dads you didnt know your entire life and whats it like having to live with that legacy. (because while giorno hasnt met dio, the way polnareff talks about him, and the way jotaro sounded on the phone the one and only time they talked so far, hes not really sure what to feel about it).
they bond, and after spending some time together and finding some common interests, they decide “hey, what if we dated?” (they are 15. they have common trauma. they have feelings for each other that they cant put into words. what could go wrong. yeah.) --> skip about a month ahead and they both know this isnt working. trish eventually breaks it up, because giorno is too emotionally distant and cant express his feelings any further than small talk, which she says isnt a problem, but its not what she wants out of a relationship. giorno is fine with it. they stay friends....
....which turns out to be a big improvement on their relationship, and takes away much of the pressure of expectation. they spend more time together, and actually have a good time with it. during this time, the joestars have invited giorno to a family get together, the first time any of them would meet him. he accepts, mostly because he wants to keep a friendly relationship to jotaro and the swf, but also because he loathes to consider anyone thinking him a coward for turning it down.
but, because he IS the only “new guy”, hes welcome to bring a +1 if he wants, and trish is the first to offer to go with him. (because she knows how uneasy he is about this, and because she relates to weird feelings re: evil dads and their legacies)
the family meetup is in japan, at hollys place, and attending are: joseph (very old), holly (excited to meet a new joestar), jotaro (suspicious, purposefully didnt bring jolyne bc he does not trust like that), josuke (not thrilled about a whole weekend with his dad, but interested in a new jojo). because jotaro is paranoid, suzie q also wont be there, since she doesnt have a stand and couldnt protect herself. (holly has a stand. i honestly forgot what we called it.)
giorno and trish are also there.
the weekend comes! day one is about as awkward as youd expect. trish and giornos english is Passable, josukes is terrible, giornos japanese is rusty, only joseph and holly speak italian, its a bit of a mess. i think we said josuke bribed rohan into giving him italian skills? he and holly kind of save the mood, and the two actually have someone their ages to talk to. josuke is just great in general, i love my boy. anyway, jotaro (also traumatized), is not pulling his weight in making giorno feel welcome, and giorno responds with equal coldness. frosty atmosphere were having this summer, haha, joseph says to lighten the mood, which drops further.
later that night, trish and giorno are up and talking about the Day they just had, and after some silent stewing, giorno remembers what trish had said about expressing his feelings, and he actually ends up ranting a little about how unfair jotaro is to him, he didnt even know dio, evil isnt inherited? how about he minds his own business and comes back when he can judge giorno on his personal failings rather than the ones from someone who died over 10 years ago. trish gives him enthusiastic thumbs ups of encouragement.
of course, jotaro walks right past this, and while he doesnt Speak italian, he knows a few basic things, and can tell giorno is upset. he finds holly in the kitchen, and asks her to translate some words he didnt understand, and hollys like “okay spying on my guests, i see?”, but she gets the general gist of it, and gives joot some advice on letting others feel the brunt of his bad experiences, which he maybe probably will take to heart. the next day, he not-apologizes to giorno, and the rest of the weekend passes rather well.
oh fuck i totally veered off course. anyway, that, plus an additional time where giorno helped trish deal with loss of her mum with some thoughtful and tangible help (involving a visit to her grave, and also pooling resources to recover some of the pictures that la squadra stole/destroyed in their ransacking of the una household), plus like. Time. to let anything develop, have the two reconsider their relationship, and they end up giving it another shot. without the pressure of performative bs, they settle for a p platonic qpr, and theyre both happy with it :)
also fugo is there, thats another post, hashtag fugiotrishagenda
@strawberrygiorno and i have an entire separate timeline from part 1 onwards that kinda rocks, including a whole part 3.5 for holly, and this is a relatively small but v important part of it
#pari talks#giotrish#jjba#THANK U for indulging me#this turned out. kind of long.#i just think theyre neat#tbh both jace and i only rly like. realized the potential of giotrish after another totally different au where they were close.#and then we were like 'hey hold ON'#its good theyre good#secret: this is an au after all because no one is dead. avdol also is alive and hanging out with jolyne for this one.#caesar? dont even worry about it. kakyoin is also there obviously#au tag
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okay fghsgdj yes you can say girl ! my pronouns are she/her :) okay but fr pause, i read this like 3 minutes after you posted it (or at least my notif said 3mins lmao) bUT IM IN BED AND I USUALLY HAVE MY COMPUTER OPEN WITH YOUR RESPONSE SO I MAKE SURE I ADDRESS EVERYTHING AND THEN SEND IN THE ASK ON MY PHONE HDGSJSH anyway, time to get my ass up 😔 but wait i find you so funny like honestly, reading that cracked me all the way up. and i feel the “lol” thing so hard!!!! idk why i do it all the time (i’m tryna stop) but i’ll say something with lol at the beginning and lol at the end... it might be a defense mechanism at this point lol (😔) AND (i need to stop with the uppercase too it’s not funny anymore) I DONT KNOW WHY I LAUGHED SO HARD JDHSK WHEN YOU SAID ALSO AGAIN HAHAHAH LIKE UR HAHHAH also my sleep schedule is not pretty either lmao but i’m homeschooled so i never have to get up for anything? hhdhsis idk but i’m glad you slept!! you need sleep!!
also (pls no i cannot) why did i not know what ykwim meant until i reread this?? like it makes so much sense- anyway! i think it’s so cool that you’re excited for university! idk why but i do lol like you’re getting ready for the future (masters degree and all that) & you’re (maybe) going to england anyway so that’s cool haha (hopefully when you go you can see your relatives 🤞🏾)
the fact that you get happy seeing my asks i- 💓💓
you make me wanna go to London & England so bad urghhhh like i’ve only been out of the country once (to Canada for a family reunion) but it sounds so prettyyyyy & i’m so sorry that cov*d is messing everything up and i hope you can see your relatives soon :(
now to address the whole english speaking/writing: I FIND THAT SO WEIRD DUHSKSJ i don’t know how an english speaking person could say that if you don’t write it 100% grammatically correct.... that it’s wrong? when literally, over here at least, WE’RE SO GRAMMATICALLY INCORRECT HAHHAAH in both the way we talk and write!! and lol you’re welcome,, AND THE PARAGRAPH DID MAKE SENSE HDHSJSH & your rant is fine because... that is actually a bit ??? bc no one writes with 100% grammar lol
OH MY GOSH (see this uppercase thing is addictive) YOU STUDIED LATIN FOR 6 YEARS??? that’s really cool 🥺 the way that you know/speak 3+ languages i- NOT EVEN 3+ LIKE 6+ (german, english, latin, french, serbian, italian, and everything that comes with latin lmao) even if it’s just a tiny bit like wowee. it is really fascinating!!! i had the opportunity to take latin and i... didnt. i took art instead BUT ONLY CUZ MY FRIENDS WERE IN THAT CLASS AND ART LOOKED FUN IM SORRY
PLEASE WHY DO YOU KNOW EVERYONE?? that sounds so fricking cool tell your mom (mum or mama it’s really fine lol) that she sounds awesome. i think Jamaica would be fun either way!! i mean it looks pretty from pictures? i was a baby so i honestly have no recollection hahaha
LMAOO NOT U SAYING THIS IS LONGER THAN SOME OF MY FICS- PLEASE GIRL IM TELLING YOU I VERBALLY LAUGHED HAHAHAHAHAH but yea you really don’t need to apologize i like reading everything you say 🥺 HDKSHS AND UR FINE WE WERE JUST TALKING ABOUT ME BEFORE uhhh hmm uhh lemme think i, well, i saw chaos walking yesterday (big tom holland fan over here) and it was alright.. my mom acted a fool at all the jump scares LMAO but it was funny... since i’m talking about movies (this is hella random i know) but i like shark movies HDKJSSJ my favorite is the meg (it’s so good ohmigosh) and the 47 meters down movies aren’t bad either... i have two younger brothers... iiiii AM IN LOVE WITH MUSIC PHEW anddd i’m homeschooled (i think i mentioned that lol) i think that’s a good amount ahahaha AND IM HUNGRY RN JDHSJ
now. please. let me address the edit. i just want you to know that.. when i talk about your fics and i finish them and everything i’m not looking for more? like obviously if you’re writing i’m gonna read it but you don’t need to feel pressured or anything (idk if you do) to put more fics out lol like they’re great and i’m just sending the praise bc i love the ones that are there :’) but i’m so happy you’re working through your writers block!!! yay so so happy for you!!! and PUHLEASE anything you write is fantastic, i feel the exact same way when i write but girl. you’re fine. it’s gonna be great. (idk if this made any sense but... okay)
(and my cousin calls her mom mama so it’s really okay hahah i even call my mom mama sometimes) (and where you got the number “16 sentences” beats me but i still cracked up) (is this me pretending i had tags? maybe) HAHAHAHA OK BYE ❤️❤️ why did this take me so long to send i have no clue, AND WHY AM I OVERTHINKING EVERYTHING I SAID SHAJSHSJ ANYWAY BYE btw i love us too... like iconic // lovely anon 💓
me reading this:
also the dedication you put into sending me stuff— like with the laptop and phone and ahsksk 🥺🥺🥺
i’ll update you when i’ve started uni btw, i’m getting more and more excited every single day haha but i still have 3 weeks until it starts and even then I’ll obviously have to get used to it and everything, but you’re making me even more excited about it sksjshsg
yeah i wanna go to england too dkshsh let’s be sad together over the fact the we can’t travel eksjsh😔😭 but hopefully the wait will make it even better in the end <33 also i talk to loads of relatives over the phone at least once a week so it’s not too bad for me! but i miss their house 😭lmao
and i knowww snshsh so many native english speakers just make so many mistakes— and obviously i get that some things are slang but some things are simply wrong ajsh, the thing is no one has ever told me that my english is bad (i know it’s not bad anyway, but i’m still insecure) or no one has ever pointed out any mistakes, but yeah it’s mostly just insecurity dkshsg but yes thanks for saying what you said (previously as well as in this ask)😌🥰
Okay now for latin— girlll i don’t blame u for choosing art over latin esp. when all of your friends are doing art as well!! I’d choose art over latin as well lol skshsg but in year 6 we had to choose between latin and french, and at the time i didn’t like french? which was dumb of me and now i wanna learn french ekdhs but i don’t regret choosing latin at all bc if i properly learn french one day then i’ll already know understand loads of stuff (or at least some stuff lol) just thanks to latin 😌😌 but still, art>>>latin skskshshgs
I wanna watch chaos walking too!!! But i don’t get when/where/how it’s out lmao, cinemas are still closed here so i’ll either have to wait or find it somewhere online... il*egally 🥰 i don’t have high expectations at all btw but i like daisy and tom and the dog🥺 so i think i’ll enjoy it
GIRL SHARK FILMS SHARK FOLMS SKSJSHSHS okay so there are a few classics i haven’t watched yet, and also a few new ones that i haven’t seen yet BUT I LOVE SHARK FILMS SO MUCH SKSHSGSGSKK the first like proper shark film i ever watched was the shallows (which i like but my brain is still too small to comprehend what happened at the end (i mean i get it but i just can’t imagine it— idek if you’ve seen the film but skshhs)) and after watching it three times it does get a bit boring (but now whenever i see pictures or videos of big waves i’m just waiting for a shark to show up like come ON SKSJSG
^^^that pic/scene really traumatised me sksjsh but i still like the film
I only watched jaws like a few months ago, and i get that it’s a classic and also that it’s old and they just didn’t have the best.. equipment or special effects or whatever but i mean... look at meg and then look at jaws.... no disrespect to jaws at ALL but the meg is so much cooler. (That one scene on the boat where the shark just JUMPS OUT OF THE WATER AND SKSJSHHSUSJHA i get such a shock every time it’s so good (and the dog aww aksjshssli 🥺🥺🥰 and the boy with the ice cream lmao he’s iconic)
47 metres down, wow, i liked that film too. (i’ve only watched the original/first one i think) i mean that is such a fucking nightmare scenario like ALSJDHSNEMSKDJSHSJSKWBALSODUEWBSLDKHDJSNSKSKSHSGEBWKAISGSHEKEKSKLDJDJDHDHSHAGGA (that’s the best way i can express my feelings about that scenario lmao)
oh and i’ve recently been watching more horror films but i don’t know if they’re for me... I like the thrill and whatever but i just end up being scared for my life when i have to go to the bathroom at night or when i’m trying to sleep bc suddenly my mind is flooded with all the scary shit from the films 💀💀💀
and music i mean... you know those people who just don’t listen to music? WHAT IS WRONG WITH THEM???? i honestly like all genres especially in the last year, i am IN LOVE with Nicki Minaj + Megan andddd Stormzy and i like Harry Styles but i prefer his first solo album (and obviously one direction has bangers i have a throwback 1D session at least once a month), I also love MGK especially his new stuff and otherwise i mostly listen to german artists lmao. So who do you like?💖 (WHY DO I FEEL LIKE YOURE GONNA SAY SOMETHING COMPLETELY DIFFERENT SKAHAGUS IF YOU LISTEN TO COMPLETELY DIFFERENT MUSIC DONT JUDGE ME AJSHDJS) (i know you’re not gonna judge me but)
++ @ the thing you said about writing, don’t worry, i don’t feel pressured at all!!! (not by you and not by anybody else.. except myself sometimes lol) and i’m just very happy that you liked my fics 🥰🥰🥰 and if i start telling people that i’m writing a fic then sometimes it puts a bit of (healthy) pressure on me. like yes sometimes it really is writer’s block, but sometimes i really am just lazy ddkshhd so now that i’ve told you i’m writing a fic i might get my ass up quicker than i would if i hadn’t told anyone 😌😌😌
#ok i wrote some if this on the tube/on the bus/at the dentist/in bed so if this seems like it’s all over the place#that’s bc i was literally all over the place skshg#*of#also i love how you used tags skajahsg#lovely anon#<3#sorry if some of the sentences didn‘t make sense or were too fucking long i wrote half of this half asleep#and i know i dont have to apologise but still like no one should have to read all my page long sentences that arent even proper sentencesskk
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good morning everyone I’m here to vent bc I’m pissed off but no one needs to read it I just wanna complain (oh god this is a long rant lmao)
My boyfriend's ex is absolutely driving me insane. She rings him all hours of the fucking day. Last Saturday (might have been Sunday) she rang him five fucking times before 12, and his daughter also rang him twice too in that time. Most evenings we watch an episode of a tv show and we are constantly getting interrupted, the other day she rang 3 times during one supernatural episode, she rang 4 times while we were trying to watch the fatws finale. And it’s never major stuff, it’s almost always something minor or something that could very easily be texted to him for him to text back whenever he gets the chance. She also constantly rings him during work. It’s normally about their daughter and it’s normally just along the lines of ‘she got stressed today about this and she was sad about this’ but it’s usually all small things. He just can’t get a break.
This week she’s been harassing him over some stuff he had to buy for her (nothing important or urgent) and he offered to post these things down to her on Monday so they’d be with her by today when she needed them but she told him she wanted him to actually come down Monday in person to discuss stuff with their daughter. It’s an hour’s drive there, an hour back, probably longer with traffic around that time. She expects him to drive down there at 6pm after he’s finished a full day at work (9 until 6), not get home until AT LEAST 8pm but probably closer to 9, he has a medical condition that causes him to be chronically tired, and where do we even fit in food in that time? He said no, so she said ‘oh ok, don’t worry about it then, don’t worry about posting them, I’ll figure it out it’s fine’
but now it’s Friday and she wants us to drop them down today, and he said to me yesterday when she told him this that he was absolutely not getting roped in to talking for half an hour, we’re going down and straight back because he’s absolutely exhausted after a stressful work week. This morning he got a phone call at 8am (a fucking hour before he has to get up, he’s working from home) from his daughter saying ‘you know how you love me and would do anything for me EVEN if you were really tired? well can you take me to get ice cream when you come down?’ so he’s now agreed to do that because he can say no to his ex but he can’t say no to his daughter. She’s even coming up to stay with us next weekend, and we spent a lot of last weekend with her, in fact we’ve seen her loads recently so it’s not like she hasn’t seen him. His daughter then spent a good 45 minutes on the phone to him, though she doesn’t talk much, she just gets on with whatever she was doing before she phoned and occasionally tels him about it while he sits and listens
I don’t blame his daughter at all, she’s just a kid, but his ex should fucking step in and say something like ‘no, you shouldn’t wake your dad an hour before his shift starts just to ask for ice cream, why don’t you text and ask him later instead?’ or preferably ‘your dad is probably going to be too tired to do that after his shift, but you’re seeing him next weekend so you can do it then’
and I fucking hate the slightly manipulative language his daughter often uses because I know she’s picked it up from her mum. I know she used to be very manipulative in the past and I think she’s a good person at heart but she’s done some crappy things and treated him horribly in the past. There’s been times in the past where his ex has phoned and asked my boyfriend to do something (usually drive down after work to discuss something or other) and he’s said no, and then ten minutes later he gets a call from his daughter saying ‘daddy I’m sad today, can you please come down and see me? I miss you so much’ and these phone calls almost always happen after he’s said no to his ex about coming down. It’s manipulative bullshit and yeah I’m not pissed at his daughter because she’s like 10 and she’s just learning all this stuff from her mum
and he HAS agreed to go down in the past before plenty of times despite the long drive if it’s urgent, even if it’s fairly minor, if he thinks his daughter needs him then he’s there, every time. It just pisses me off so much. He’s not appreciated at all, he’s constantly running errands for his ex, constantly picking things up for her from shops and driving all the way there to bring her stuff, neither of us are sure why her husband never seems to do these things since he drives and only works part time.
Sorry for the long rant I’m sure no one’s read this far but it helped to get out. His daughter is starting to show little signs of being manipulative and she’s also being extremely rude at the moment to people and even bullying other kids at school a bit but tbh I am not surprised. This Christmas she got an iphone (latest one), a VR headset, a laptop, an ipad, an expensive professional digital camera, and something else I’m forgetting along with a lot of toys and expensive designer clothes. She also got a keyboard a few days after Christmas for expressing very brief interest in playing the piano (she’s barely touched it since, same with the VR headset, laptop and camera) and then got a mini fridge next month from her mum AFTER she’s already agreed with my boyfriend that she had to save up and buy the mini fridge with her pocket money. This kid is spoiled as hell. My boyfriend doesn’t like or agree with it but there’s not really much he can do.
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saw your last answer on my ask and i dashed here (dashi run run run ...???)
taking care of myself more lately, i've been caring for my legs a lot more and i am now: healed :))))))))
however i can't stop the frustration from running through, i'm not as good as i was before and i blame myself for being so careless about my health? but again, no can do except quit, which i'm on the verge of doing
AND MA'AM, WE ARE HERE FOR THE TONE INDICATORS. currently educating myself, i'm getting there but i'm rlly trying to get into the habit of using them!
also, i really want to get into the scouting world and it honestly was one of my dreams? now that you mention it, i used to really want to be in a troop and roast marshmellows and help others when i was younger but now, idek bc i have so much stuff to take care of
(^^ gotta see if i wanna attend 2023's world scout jamboree in korea lmao jkjk maybe)
but about the last ask where i was just really hopeless, i've just been really anxious about some things in my life right now, and it's adult things that i just try and keep out of but when one of the decisions can be moving across the country, i'm not that restrictive on being anxious ya kno
just wanna fly away to korea except take out the harsh school system there bc... fuck them school systems
fun news, auditioned for a few stuff, starting from my school's production program all the way to a program i'm not allowed to discuss (insert eye emoji bc i can't on my laptop rn)
ANYWAYS shit almost forgot about the qotd
QOTDDDDDD:
favorite 127 song?
aotd: SUPERHUMAN. the "got me feelin' like a super i know i can fly" joke within 127 has got me on that song? so much?
but as for a ballad (bc that song's an edm), i love no longer? i got into 127 a lot more after haechan's acapella behind clip was all over the fandom and gawd zamn was that a nice acapella the hell
QUICK NOTE, yall need to fall in love with zhong chenle (except maybe not for queen daegal's buzz cut she received from him >:/). he's definitely underrated and is often called loud but if you watch a competition type show that he went on (i believe with jisung as well bc idk about that) his voice is just beyond the others (my apologies to the other kids, they were amazing as well) BUT HIS IS SO CLEAR. NOT TO MENTION HE WAS ON THE VIENNA PHILHARMONIC ORCHESTRA PLEASE WHAT
here's the clip: https://youtu.be/hTTfQJfklFE
rant about zhong chenle is over!
LOVE YOU, DRINK WATER
(like my higher-ups sign off their emails) best,
eggy
our last ever eggy ask !
i’m so glad to here that, darling !!! and you should never beat yourself up about things like that like,, ik you kinda were being careless lmao sorry but it’s obvious even from someone who doesnt really know much about you that its just because your so dedicated !! you seem to love it so much so i hope you keep going !! (if you want lol)
YES!!!! i mean i’m like,, slightly autistic myself (my therapist said it might just be from childhood trauma but basically i show signs of autism :D) so i absolutely love seeing people use them cause it just helps me 100% understand the meaning and i’m so happy about using them and am so down if it helps people !!
honestly i hate camping akdjdkdjdk i’d be a terrible scout,, but my friend on the other hand?🤨 BRILLIANT😙🤌 SHE GOT INVITED THERE BC SHE WAS ONE OF THE BEST SCOUTS IN HER GROUP BRO😎 i mean i bully her for it but it’s actually kinda cool lmao i mean i couldnt do that ALSO I DID NOT KNOW THERE’S A JAMBOREE IN KOREA COMING UP AND I WILL BE ASKING HER ABOUT IT
i really dont have anything to say bc honestly it just sucks about moving across the country and i’ve never even moved house lmao but i get the thing about adult things,, like i turned 17 february this year but it feels like everythings just closing in on me yk?? it suddenly feels like my entire life has just flashed before my eyes and i’m suddenly being shoved into adulthood, so yeah, i get you but i’m still avoiding them myself so all i can say is i hope whatever happens, your outcome is positive :)
NCT 127 UPBEAT SONG: probably welcome to my playground i LOVE that one
SAD SONG: LITERALLY SAME NO LONGER IS SO GOOD BRO I LOVE IT
also, quick note? i am in love with zhong chenle,, that one show he did where they went and stayed with his family?? i watched that several times a month😭 i love him mum
so, for the last time ever i guess!!
bye eggy, don’t forget to drink your water and thanks for dropping by❤️
#🍳 anon#🍳#eggy anon#eggy#jaeminieggy#im literally sad?#goodbye eggy :)#i’ve loved having you around#:(
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Episode 15 - Stop fucking shooting fucking kites & Fuck this shit I’m out
Welcome! So I am apparently a glutton for punishment because here I am, after saying I’d probably wait for the anger to go away before watching the next episode, already watching and still pissed off, get ready, I might get really snarky with this one.
And now I wonder what would’ve happened if JFM had just let sect leader Yao kick the bucket.
“Jin Zixuan is somewhat a decent person.” High fucking praise coming from WWX if you ask me.
Ok this goodbye scene is a cute way to show in which sense JC is similar to Mme Yu, tbh. You could say they’re similar bc they have this very harsh way of talking (which I don’t actually mind, I have RBF and am as done with everything as JC so...) but nope, they’re similar in the way they worry about others. It’s kind of a cool dichotomy btw two people having the same temperament, yet one is a terrible person and the other a loving one.
[btw I’ve seen a couple of posts floating around here about how fucking terrible JC actually is and I’m not interested in that narrative, I think he’s a good, person, deeply flawed, but like everyone else is]
Hi! This is the day after, I did end up going to do some yard work, which was pretty much me holding up a ladder my mum had no business climbing and she raining dry twigs and leaves on me.
One frivolous thought here in the middle of all this angst and worry, I really love JC’s clothes.
Just when I was starting to pity WC he had to go and get that delighted expression on his face when WRH told him to go kills people.
STOP FUCKING SHOOTING FUCKING KITES.
THEY ARE ALL SO CUTE AND THEY ARE ALL GOING TO DIE, FUCK THIS SHIT I’M OUT.
Listen, I know it will do jackshit but I love WWX poking holes in JiaoJaio’s “the kite is like the sun” rant.
Am I too cynical or was it incredibly obvious that “punishing” WWX would do jack to pacify JiaoJiao? I’m just asking, because while I do think Mme Yu is fucking terrible, I don’t want to assign blame unduly. I mean, they came with soldiers, she’s sitting on the throne, she’s been a rude little bitch and ranted about conspiracies and now she wants to punish someone who she very well knows the Jiangs don’t consider a servant (Don’t get me started on the classism); wasn’t it a bit too naive of Mme Yu to think a whipping would make JiaoJiao back off? I don’t think she’s naive, so that means she’s just unloading on WWX as usual, with a bonus of an audience, which brings me back to her being terrible. Or is there an actual cultural thing I’m not getting?
MY BB JC LOOKS SO FUCKING HORRIFIED. Petition to change Angry Lotus for Soft Lotus when referring to him. This is the boy some of you said has always hated/been jealous of WWX and could not wait to get an excuse to abuse and murder him? The same boy who’s protecting him with his own body, on his knees and begging? Sure Jan.
Also, small Zidian tangent with a side of “JC is a good boy”, I haven’t counted the lashes but let’s say he got 10. 10 lashes is enough to have someone as strong and WWX laid out for a month. When JC hits him with Zidian in Dafan mountain to “expel the spirit” WWX gets up pretty much right after, yes it was only one lash and he’s complaining, but he’s got no core, got beaten up and fell down a hill earlier that day, so I’m assuming he’s not in the best of shapes. That, combined with the sad+defeated face JC makes when no spirit is expelled really leads me to think he absolutely thought it was his brother and pulled the hit. I might be reaching, but anything to not have to think about what’s actually happening on my screen.
Back to this fucking mess now:
I am going to shank Mme Yu at this rate ngl. Again, she keeps giving into JiaoJiao’s demands, and she seems to think they won’t keep climbing higher, is she blinded by her hate for WWX or have I missed an indicator that JiaoJiao would be satisfied with the hand?
Should I talk about WWX’s willingness to let himself be mutilated? I’m kind of reminded of Jamie Lannister (he’s a fave, again, don’t @ me) and how understandably fucked up he got after losing his dominant hand, as he says “I was that hand”. Now, we all know that isn’t true, but with WWX’s self-worth issues why wouldn’t he measure his worth by how useful he can be? He’s a hell of a fighter, and that’s what “makes him useful” in his own eyes. Right now he thinks he’s being useful by letting them cut his hand off, but if he survives the mutilation what exactly will he be worth afterwards? Just think about it for a second, and cry.
When JiaoJiao says she likes you I think it is time to reconsider all your life choices up to this point.
Oooof ooooof, ok ok, lots to unpack in those sentences. “You should look at the owner before you punish a dog” & “How dare you come here and penalise my family members before me” they’re both kind of terrible. On one hand, she’s recognising WWX as part of her family and no one is allowed to touch them, on the other hand, is in the role of someone way below her actual family, and it is very clear that, while no one else is allowed to hurt her family, she is, which is not super great tbh. So yay Mme Yu finally recognised WWX as family, not so yay she still is a terrible abusive person? Even worse because it looks like she’s come to terms with WWX being family long ago, yet she kept treating him like garbage all this time?
Ok but Jinzhu and Yinzhu are badass tho.
This might be the only instance you will read me cheer for Mme Yu but here we are I guess.
I AM WEARING MASCARA AND I REFUSE TO CRY
You know what would’ve made me 10000 times more sympathetic towards Mme Yu? If, after she screamed she hated WWX she would’ve hugged him too. Deal with me for a second. JC and Mme Yu are very similar aren’t they? They’re harsh, quite angry, and, although they care no one will catch them showing it. When JFM scolded JC saying to not blurt things out in anger I hoped this would be what happened with Mme Yu, she’s angry and worried, so she’d babble some bullshit at WWX. But she also knows she’s going to die, so I thought, that, as a goodbye she’d at least show him some affection as if to say “I care, but I’m also a very angry bitter woman and there is no time to put it in words, take care of each other.”
Do I still dislike her with all I have? Yes, but I can recognise she’s the only maternal figure our Yunmeng sibs have ever had and, terrible as she might be, they still love her and losing her is going to hurt a lot.
Ok ok, another sad musing for y’all. WWX told JC to stop JiaoJaio, yet he (understandably) got distracted trying to help his mum against WZL. We’ve all seen the super sad scene of these two in the tall grass and JC trying to strangle WWX screaming “it is your fault I want my parents” and yet WWX wasn’t the one stopping JiaoJiao, JC was. How many of you wanna bet JC fully believes it is his own fault the siege was successful and blaming WWX out loud is his way of projecting all the anger he has toward himself?
Even sadder musing. When Shijie gets injured, he’s holding onto her from behind, Shijie sees the man going for WWX and has time to push him away yet JC doesn’t. Once again, another person he loves is dead because he was distracted, and on cue again, he lashes out at his brother.
I am not saying that’s healthy or that the fact that he didn’t go for the killing blow in either of those instances is praiseworthy but I’m pretty sure he fully believes all his family is dead because of him, so yeah.
Back to the show now:
So I’ve got a bone to pick with JFM, yes yes, it is very sad, another parent who is walking to his death saying goodbye to his children, but look at the way he does it. He touches JC and Shijie’s faces and tells them not to cry, he then pats WWX on the shoulder and tasks him with taking care of them. I don’t know if he’s so deep down the rabbit hole that he truly thinks that, bc WWX is an orphan, his death won’t affect him the same way it’ll hurt is kids or what. But that was fucking cruel and yet again, explains soooooo much of WWX’s trauma. Neither parental figure spared a word of affection for him before dying and he can’t remember much of his parents, so it’s not like he has their heartfelt goodbyes either.
ETA: so I just noticed that JC and WWX are holding hands at the end of the episode and, I’m assuming, they’re also holding hands with Shijie. Fuck me I’m crying.
You guys my black cat, who really doesn’t like cuddling, just came up to me for a head rub, so just imagine how sad (and angry) I must be feeling. Or maybe she’s just hungry.
Anyway thanks for watching.
#the untamed#cql#mdzs#mdzs live action#foxglove watches cql#foxglove watches the untamed#wei wuxian#jiang yanli#jiang cheng#yunmeng shuangjie#yunmeng trio#yunmeng siblings#yunmeng bros#should I still tag WangXian if LWJ is not here?#wangxian#foxglove is hella sad#commentary
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I'm probably being an asshole here but I really need to rant.
So, scottish students get their results back today and my brother got AAABBB which is great, you know, my parents are gushing over him saying how proud they are, and hes probably going to get a bunch of congratulatory gifts (e.g. my mum said she might get him a supreme hoodie). I'm really proud of him.
But (and heres where I think I'm being the asshole) I'm pissed.
I busted my ass for all my exams and got all A's in my exams whilst still working 2-3 jobs, volunteering and extra curriculars (my brother doesnt have a job or volunteer ans has one extra curricular), apart from one B in a nat 5 physics exam but I still managed to get into uni at 16. I got a half hearted "we're proud of you" and a half priced mug, and my mum still brings up how much of a disappointment I am for daring to get a B in a subject I didnt understand.
So yeah, I'm kind of pissed.
And when my brother told me about the praise and gifts he is getting, I said "are you kidding me?" And explained the reasons why. And my brother just didnt get it. He started talking about how I got more stuff than he did when I was younger and how I really didnt have it that bad (hes admitted before that I suffered far worse abuse).
And then to top it all off, when my dad took us our for lunch as a well done for max, they both openly admitted that their standards for me were much higher and were totally unfair but still started mocking me when I couldn't help showing that i was slightly upset.
I feel really bad bc I know I should just be happy for my brother, but I was literally in tears earlier bc my mum was on the family chat saying how proud she was of my brother, something I have never experienced.
I feel horrible, rant over.
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TW: racism, bullying, brief mention of my own ED.
A couple of days ago, I was thinking how I originally got involved in the BLM movement. I remembered this story, which was my turning point, and I wanted to share. I want to say that this is not me tooting my own horn or saying I did a great thing. I did a decent thing for family. More than anything else, this is about my insurmountable white ignorance before this happened to me.
tl;dr: Had an insight into the bias of the world that POC live in. It made me a better person. So POC, I am asking you to call me out. I’m going to work really hard on making myself better, and the burden of that is on me. But if you’ve got something to say to me, say it. You’re helping me evolve, you’re helping me to better support you. I want to be the best ally I can possibly be. It will not be taken with offence, it will be taken with thanks.
For context, I am the oldest child of all my cousins (there are eight of us), by about 6 years. One Christmas, I told one of my cousins, a girl (exactly) a decade younger than me, that I would be there for her, no matter what. I mean, they all knew that, but I really wanted to reiterate it to her. I think that every older cousin has one younger one that to them, that is their absolute baby. P was that for me. Sure, I love and adore and would happily care for (for free) all of my cousins (even the 5 y-o), but despite the age gap, we just...clicked. I knew P was having a hard time at school, and I shared my own stories of bullying and eating disorders and all sorts of other awful things. I wanted her to know she wasn’t alone. I never really expected her to take me up on it - she was beautiful (like, crazy stunning), sociable and clever. At that age, I was short and busty, had cystic acne, greasy hair, untreated endometriosis, glasses, braces, my hobby was reading and I was quick to react when provoked. Put simply, I was an unattractive nerd. But she was tall and lithe, clever and calm, blessed with perfect skin, teeth and eyesight (drat her). In my ignorance, I assumed that she’d be one of the pretty girls that succeeded in sociability, *as well as* academics. And oh fucking boy I was wrong.
P rang me about two months later from her mum’s phone. She‘d stolen it, and was hiding under the bed, in her bedroom. We chatted for a bit, and then, after a moments silence, she whispered down the phone that she was being bullied. Her voice was so scared, it was awful to even listen to. As I gently asked her to talk about it, I realised why she was scared. She wasn’t being bullied like I was (I was a nerd, and I went through puberty before all my friends - meaning boobs and extra weight). Her type of bullying was so, so much worse. Her bullies were picking on her smarts, sure, but their main target was her skin.
Her mother, my Dad’s sister, is a specific type of Irish white - we burn when we think about the sun.
But her dad is Indian. He’s one of the most generous, kind, and intelligent people I have ever met. But these kids had packages that down into one thing...his brown skin.
She was 8 years old.
The girls from her school were telling her to ‘go back to the streets where she belonged’. They were following her on her walk home after school, because they ‘couldn’t believe that she lived in a house’. They told her she was ugly and dirty because she was brown. But the worst part, was that she didn’t want to tell anyone because she was *ashamed* of her own damn skin and her own damn heritage. I was utterly heartbroken for her. I wanted to drive the 3 hours to her home just to hug her. I also wanted throw those tiny bitches out a window. I couldn’t, as I was pretty ill myself, but let me tell you, rage is a good motivator to get well. Incredibly, I was okay enough to drive to see her two weeks later.
When I eventually got there, I had a secondary quiet chat with her mum (I had called her after I had hung up with P, to give her a heads up). She had dealt with the whole situation. Personally I think she was much calmer than I ever could have been - I was seeing red. I think that she too was furious, but she’s always been good at keeping her emotions in check. The situation had been resolved with the school, and the girls were seriously reprimanded and given a weeks worth of curriculum on racism. But the whole thing stuck with me. I think it was because though we are so similar (she’s also a sarcastic asshole) my bullies had never said anything like this. No one had ever picked on my *colour* (lest I was sunburned). I realised that if I was a POC, my torment could’ve been so much worse, and that’s what my baby had to endure.
That was my wake up call. That was the day the concept of privilege hit me square in the face. The irony of the situation was, her parents are incredibly well off. More so than my own. Her dad is thrice a doctor (he graduated in India, had to retake his exams in both England, where he met my aunt, and again in Australia, where they live now) and is a highly sought after radiologist. But even that that still didn’t protect her. The day I heard her little voice break down the phone line, is the day I realised no POC was safe until we had systemic change.
Next year, they’re moving from their town, which is three hours away, to the town my family and I live in. I’m really excited. It’ll be nice to pick the girls up from school, to treat them to McDonalds on the way home, and to look after them when their parents are away. I’ve got a little fold out bed in my tiny apartment for one of them, and the other can sleep on the sofa bed. I’ll get to shower then with love because I’ll be *present*. But mostly I’m excited because, for the first time ever, our weekly check-in chats will be face to face. I’ll be able to hug her on the spot. I’ll be able to hold her if she cries. I’ll be able to congratulate her on her achievements, rather than woo-ing down the phone line. And yeah, I’ll also be close enough to throw any prospective little turds out the schools cloisters windows.
Actively wanting to learn about racial injustice, changed my life. I can’t imagine feeling like my skin colour was a target of hatred, even in Australia. It terrifies me that one day, my babies might go to America, but I know I can’t wrap them in bubble wrap.
So here’s my pledge. I know I don’t know your pain. I certainly don’t feel your pain. I am still an outsider looking in, and I always will be. But I want to help. I want to learn. Please push me, please correct me, please call me out. I think that I am very lucky in that this is personal for me but I am so very privileged that this comes without danger to my own being.
Today, P is 14, her sister is 11, and they’re both strong and clever and beautiful and wicked funny. They’re just at that age where I’m old and uncool, but that’s okay. I like being embarrassing. Even if they don’t know it, they’ve given me a gift. I’ve been given a tiny, horrible, painful insight into *every* mother and father and sister and brother and cousin and grandparent and spouse and friend and colleague who is scared for someone else in the US (and beyond) right now.
I want to be better. Help me be better. I don’t think that if I follow the usual politically correct limitations, I’m fine. I want to be more than fine. I want to be voting for women of colour and marching with the movement. I want to be more that a black tile on an Instagram page. I desperately don’t want to be the girl who assumes that bc my best friend, and cousins, are POC, I’m immune. I’m not. I want to be an ally, one who passes the mic, who steps aside, who says that ‘it’s not about me’.
So this is my rant and this is my promise. I promise I will learn. I promise I will take criticism. I promise that I will choose from POC businesses over cheaper options. I promise that next (Australian) election, I will vote for a person of colour. I promise I will protest and make signs and send politicians letters and sign petitions. I promise will actively search out new information to educate myself with. I promise I will fight past this trend, past a black tile on social media. I promise I will not walk away. Followers, please hold me accountable, always.
Having said all of this. I truly believe in voting with your wallet. So, if anyone knows any POC run organisations, businesses, stores, political movements, protests, artists, designers or anything else, I would be forever grateful if you could link me to them. I’m a weirdly organised person, and I’ve started Christmas shopping. This year my family is only doing Christmas presents that are made/created/run by POC. I know there’s a chance that we’ll all find one website and ordering from there, which is great, but I want to broaden my gift-giving horizons. If you’re a creator, I really really want to see your work. Thus far, I have one painting, by an indigenous Australian artist, for my mum.
#people of color#black lives matter#trigger warning#ally#rant#racism#racial bias#social justice#george floyd#breonnataylor#justice for breonna#riots#protests#no justice no peace
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hshq task twelve: a timeline
it reads as a semi lil self para’s and part news report...bc i didn’t wanna self para as a 3 year old. tw: abortion, implied drug used, mentions of underage, mentions of age differences, image issues, pregnancy, mentions of possible grooming, body image issues, possible signs of bulimia,
december 19th, 1997
for the third time in the last four, almost five years, the town crier of edinburgh stood just inside the gates of holyrood announcing the birth of a third princess, named matilda.
june 18th, 2001
at three years old, princess matilda made her first public appearance with her family at the royal highland show. the littlest princess made her appearance well known running off excitedly with yells of “maude-y!” following her, showing off her cartwheeling skills, and waving at everyone who looked especially those with a camera.
november 30th, 2005
she doesn’t know a life without the media and having to parade around them. like today, skipping through st. andrew’s day activities some of her earliest memories surrounded people with cameras desperately clicking and yelling the names of her mum and dad, her sisters and her. matilda liked it though, she could simply become the only name they yelled with a simple smile or a wave. she liked it, but she was tired of being called matilda. she didn’t want to be called matilda, she wanted to be called tilly, like her friends all called her. it’s why she turned around with a frown at the reporter who yelled matilda. “i’m not matilda! my name is tilly!” crossing her arms across her chest, she stuck her tongue out annoyed at the her full name. even with her mother and father’s scold of “matilda!” and her tilly let her father scoop her up in his arms making a face at the paparazzi as she was carried away.
january 4th, 2010
“but i don’t want to go to gordonstoun!” not that even mattered, ever since her mother became a queen last year it was never even worth putting in her own thoughts, not that it ever had been. now though it was going against the queen, not just her mum. tilly just didn’t want to go to gordonstoun with her sisters. it seemed so boring. still the press release was already out, trunks already in her room ready to be back. “if i have to go someone will regret it!”
september 19th, 2011
crushes were nice, all the boys in her year, the year above her, some even in margot’s year paying her attention, she’d be dumb if she didn’t enjoy it. so what if she kept sneaking out with them to smoke cigarettes and drink beers on the roof. she likes the attention from it. what was the school going to do? make her do laps? please, she wouldn’t do it and they couldn’t make her. so she found herself giggling at whatever connaugh mcdaniels was saying and took the sip of beer he was offering, because all eyes were on her in a way that they hadn’t been before.
april 31st, 2013
“i’m the fucking may queen!” throwing her head back in laughter, tilly twirled around the flower crown a top her head never moving. sneaking out to go to beltane, was the smartest decision she’d made in a while. falling back against her favorite duke to be she’d been going almost all the way with frequently, she took the flask from her best friend, georgia, taking a far too long sip of the vodka. she was happily drunk, feeling the brisk spring air on the hill hit her. she didn’t care about the obvious presence from people taking pictures of them. it didn’t matter she was drunk and determined for her goal of the night, losing the v card. “richard,” she smirked up at him. “we should head back to the tent, your may queen demands it.” letting out a giggle she moved back going for another twirl as she reached for his hand.
july 27th, 2014
she still doesn’t understand what the big deal is, her mother pacing back and forth going on and on about propriety. catherine looking like a mirror of her mother’s upset. her father’s disappointment. “i’m sixteen, just because i’m under this bloody crown doesn’t mean i’m not gonna go out and have fun!” her eyes glanced at the various magazine and newspaper headlines in front of her. she doesn’t see the issue with it, minus the invasion of privacy, in the picture she’s just pressed against the wall making out with one of her guy friends. she’s hearing the words come from everyone’s mouths but she’s not listening. just blankly sitting there.
february 3rd, 2015
“you’re what?! tilly you can’t sleep with your math tutor!” tilly turned at the exclamation from her friend, a look of confusion on her face. “why not? i need to pass and he apparently wants to fuck a princess it’s a win win! besides he’s not that old i doubt he’s even thirty.” besides it was better than any of the guys in their class asking to lose it with her. at least it would be good and she’d pass. she didn’t see an issue. plus it felt good to be wanted, to have someone want her and not want her to be like her sisters. who cared if he was a married man approaching his 30s? he wanted her.
september 10th, 2015
she woke up on her bathroom floor in just the lingerie she wore under her dress before going out. not that she cared after all, she’d probs look skinnier from throwing up all the drinks from the night before. she brushed her teeth, throwing her hair into a ponytail. Wiping off the remnants of her make up from the night before she looked on at the stranger in her bed. “get out before a walk of shame is too embarrassing, for your own well being.” Watching the man leave she shook her head curling into bed ignoring her phone continue to blow up again and again, no doubt people seeing pictures of the night before.
may 4th, 2016
“fuck! jesus fucking christ i look awful!” seeing the press release photo on the cover of the magazine sitting in front of her on the table, she picked it up and tossed it straight towards the trash can. looking back at her partner for her textile project, she gave her a look. another example of her being the worst of the family. “tell me why you thought bringing a tabloid where i look awful in would really make a good study environment?” shaking her head, she picked up her phone seeing who could come over tonight, she might be able to convince richard to get on a flight. she’d slept with arthur a few times maybe him? there were more than a few posh boys at oxford she’d met on her visits. shaking her head she motioned at the fabric she brought. “they’re all recycled, should work for what we need.”
january 3rd, 2017
"matilda herietta annabelle stuart how could you be so wildly irresponsible?!” her mother is screaming, her father looks disappointed. she knows she fucked up because it’s just the two of them. having her parents attention on just her, she could probably count the times that’s happened on just one hand alone. she doesn’t regret flashing the paparazzi though, the magazines printed with trainwreck tilly subtle covering where she’d lifted her top, but it was still obvious she had. “i was drunk, it was hogamany, i must have been black out by that point.” she knew it didn’t matter, watching her mother go into another rant. still, it felt nice for once to be the only person that mattered to her parents.
october 31st, 2017
she was didn’t know where she was really not that it mattered. she went up to oxford to party with the posh guys and all her. you could barely call the white lingerie she wore an angel costume, something she thought would an irony. she probably mixed too many liquors and too many drugs together. still she reaches for the hand of the guy she’s leaning on pulls him to a door, hoping one will be a bathroom or a bedroom. with her luck she’ll see what happened tonight on twitter in the morning.
august 7th, 2018
they told her to be on her best behavior, that she’s technically working edinburgh fringe festival. still she thinks she’s doing a charitable deed. she’s buying these poor struggling actors alcohol and then getting into drinking contests with them. it’s all rather sensible if you ask her. she’s doing a charity besides it feels good being the center of attention. she’s sitting on the actual bar, a rather attractive actor from some play or some shit she watched today has his hand on her thigh. why would she do anything else?
september 7th, 2019
she knew that the braemar gathering was a big deal, she’d been to it almost every year of her life. still it didn’t mean she wasn’t bored as hell after a day of it, it’s why she’d pulled richard aside at the noble dinner at balmoral later that evening. her own personal playground as a kid, she knew exactly which cupboard to push him in. it would have been so much nicer if her mother’s fucking cheif of staff hadn’t opened the door when she was on her knees. the yelling wasn’t even bad, it was the punishment. her life being packed into suitcases around her as she sat on her bed back in edinburgh 24 hours later. no what hurt the most was her mother’s last words to her before she got on the plane to dubai, “i wonder if you’ll ever stop disappointing me.”
december 23rd, 2019
“you’ve got to be fucking kidding me?! happy birthday, happy christmas, we’re marrying you off to the crown prince of venezuela! how could you do this to me mum? catherine just said-” she doesn’t think she’s ever been more furious in her life. opening the bottle of vodka and lining up the cocaine she said on her. “you know what i don’t care if i was drunkenly with him once, mother it doesn’t mean i want to fucking marry him! you’re ruining my life! forgive me, your majesty. i won’t forget from now on i’m your subject, not your daughter. have a happy christmas, goodbye.” she threw the phone, then threw a shot back looking at the lines she set up. “lola!” she screamed walking towards her suitcase. “i want to look sluttier than a prostitute whose rent is due tomorrow, a christmas present to my mother given my engagement. i don’t want to remember tonight.”
janurary 21st, 2020
she knew for days, something was wrong. she wasn’t how she always was, then she got sick, consistently, three mornings in a row. sitting staring at the line of positive pregnancy tests that were in her bathroom sink she looked at cora rubbing her back comfortingly. “i need to call or text or- there are only two people i don’t make wear a condom and i haven’t slept with richard since september.” grabbing her phone she sent a quick ‘come over now’ text. and threw her phone towards the bed. “burn the tests tonight, get them out of her, taking them to the fucking mcdonalds to throw them away if you have to. they aren’t gonna be anywhere near me though, it can not ruin everything. my mother already hates my existance, she’d send me to the fucking gallows if i ruined her one chance at getting rid of me. not a word of this to her spy either or catherine.”
janurary 24th, 2020
it was cold and she was crying. laying on the chair in the doctor’s office, she held onto cora’s hand like it was her only way of living and she felt so much relief knowing that if she needed it neil would carry her out of the building. “i know, i’m not the model catholic or really any religion, but i still feel wrong, i feel guilty. i don’t know what else to do though.” so she cried, letting her communications advisor and his wife comfort her like they were her parents. sometimes they feel more like parents than her own. when the doctor comes in, tells her its going to pinch and might be uncomfortable, she lets cora distract her with stories of her and neil when they started dating. while she doen’t need him to carry her out, she leans on them both the whole way to car, letting herself come to terms that she wasn’t pregnant anymore.
march 9th, 2020
“félix, i’m going to get fucking wasted at the beach,” she wasn’t sure when she got fucking domestic. she lives with her fiancé, they share a bed, fucking wedding magazines are sent to her. it feels like she’s in a snow globe. one where she barely recognizes who she is. she still looks in the mirror and remembers that if things had been different her stomach would probably have a bump now, not be the flat as it is. so instead, she’s taken to more day drinking, trying not to think about the thing only 6 people in the world know about and why it makes her feel so empty.
#hshqtask012#this is 2200 words of why tilly is as fucked up as she is#pls send her to therapy#ok her go my triggers#tw abortion#tw pregnancy#tw body issues#tw mentions of bulimia#tw possibilities of grooming#tw mentions of age differences#tw drugs#ok i think thats it?? scrolling is so MUCH WORK#im on a roll tonight tho#*here go#as always i hope u all realize richard is a filler name and its a dick joke
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Currently on the verge of a massive breakdown my guys 👌👌
Not only have my parents never accepted me for being Non-binary, I find out that as well as my mums being transphobic, my dad is a biphobe?
The thing is, I've been out as Bisexual to my parents (my birth mum and my dad) since I was 14. That's 9 years I've been out. They both didnt care when I first told them and makes sense yeah? I mean, my mum is gay, my step-mum is bisexual and my dad is a transvestite.
But both my mums are raging transphobes so when I came out as non-binary (well forced out in the middle of pride) they didnt take it well. Constantly using my birth pronouns, refusing to use my chosen name (Or even my chosen nickname that I have used specifically to make the transition easier for others) they misgender my trans friends and always look disgusted in me.
My birth mum has always gone out of her way to make me seem like a fucking trender when I came out, nothing changed, I've used the bi label for as long as I can remember and more recently, the trans and nb labels. She will go out of her way to say things like "oh, so you're bi now? I thought you were pansexual like, last week" or "but I thought you were gay" and with my gender identity shes worse saying shit like "if you were really trans you wouldnt wear this." "Your hair wouldnt look like that if you were trans."
What's worse about that is my step-mum joins in. My BISEXUAL step-mum joins in. And if I joke around calling her gay she gets assy. She seriously, to my face, calls my sexuality and gender made-up and then gets assy that I corrected her.
Now, I'm almost used to that kind of shit, I just dont see them often. Clears it right up. But now, I have nowhere to go.
My dad recently told me that he hates that my generation "complicated things" saying how back in his day there were only gay and straight, man and woman. (Not trying to think of all the historical examples I could have given him that he is blatantly wrong).
He said that bisexual is made up by straight people who want attention which is entirely untrue (even more so when you consider I'm a gay leaning bi)
And originally when I told him I was non-binary he straight up shouted at me and threatened me before saying to my face that I'm not allowed to do this because I'm just an attention seeker who is trying to be interesting 👌
My siblings are almost as bad. (More specifically my younger brother.) He has many cis friends, a couple trans and surprisingly enough, some enby friends. He uses their correct pronouns and names but he has said straight to me "I wont respect your pronouns because I dont want to." And yet he perfectly respects my friends pronouns?? I dont understand.
My older sister is not that bad. She is the only one in my immediate family that doesnt know but I think she has noticed something is off. She tries not to use my name and will just kind of gesture? But at this point I'm too scared to say anything because I know she'll probably just be like the rest of my family.
As a quick nudge, both my siblings are straight cis, I'm the only one that doesnt match either of those descriptions. It honestly does make me feel like I am that one fucked up sibling. I dont WANT to be different. I fucking dont! This is who I am and I cant help it. I hate that I'm different but shouting at me and being assholes isn't going to change that.
It's not just my sexuality and gender that they scrutinise either which makes this family feel less like a family and more like jailers.
I dont understand why I try to express myself anymore. My step-mum has said to my face before that my whole family (THE WHOLE FAMILY) didnt believe in me being able to go to uni. They all thought I would fail.
For years, since I was very young, I've been called a Hypochondriac for actually going (and wanting to go) to the doctors when I'm ill. To the point that since I was about 17 I've been terrified to go to the doctors because I never think I'm sick enough or that I shouldn't bother the doctors because there might not be anything wrong with me (this has led to me almost being hospitalized with major infections and health issues more than once)
I struggle to breathe 24/7 and yet I'm too scared to get help for it incase they put me on anything (which I know my dad will guilt me into throwing away which would be a waste of money).
I feel like no matter what I do they're never pleased at me. Those 6+ years I did of dance? My parents hated it so I changed to business and language. Those near 15+ years of music, singing (church choir as a soprano & alto and school choir as an alto) and instruments, my mum genuinely laughed at my music teacher in year 10 for asking if I'll be joining up with the choir again bc my mum thought I couldnt sing.
I like cosplay, making props and costumes (for over 4 years)? Mum tells me I'm shit at it and should put my time into something useful.
I like languages so start it as a degree doing Japanese, Korean and German with extra classes in Spanish and French? My dad turns horribly racist and makes jokes about languages and how they're useless, my mum tells me that languages is a stupid degree to do because there isn't any money in it unless I'm a teacher. (I'm going into translation)
It seems like whatever I do, it's never good enough. My siblings get all the praise and help but I get nothing. Currently, while I'm between my uni and an international uni, I'm homeless. I sleep on a mattress in the middle of my dads living room. I have no privacy and have to clean up their colossal hoarding messes to be allowed to stay. I have nowhere else to go and nearly all of my friends live up north where I belong. I have 2 friends down here and no money to do anything.
Honestly dont even know why I'm on this planet some times.
Sorry. Rant over. Anyone got any tips or whatnot, I'd really appreciate it.
-Killian.
#bisexual#nonbinary#gender non conforming#gender#sexuality#transphobia#biphopia#abusive parents?#i dont even know what this family is#rant#i need tips or help or something#i hate it around my family#i am stuck with them for another month
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Rant ignore this
I'm really fucking mad right now. Like I'm about to stab someone mad.
A few weeks ago my mum came home with this stranger, someone she claims is a friend and has known for ages, which I think is bullshit, at most maybe a few months, anyways, he was drunk and she said he would be staying with us until he gets a new place or goes back to his sister's. Without asking me, my partner or how we felt about it. The very second I shook his hand I knew something was wrong. A bad vibe. My partner felt the same and actually packed up all his guitars, musical instruments and wires, cables, anything expensive and took it to his dads for safe keeping. This stranger that was now staying with us was drunk for two days straight, not a good impression and I told my mum throughout the week that I wasn't okay with it, my partner isn't, especially because he kept saying demeaning and disrespectful things about me cooking dinner or making food in the kitchen. A week ago, we all sat down and talked to the guy ya know I didn't know you were coming, you were drunk those first two days, I wasn't comfortable, my name is also on the lease of the house so if any damage comes on to it I get into too, etc, etc and everyone had a good talk about how we all felt and mum apologized and everything. It was agreed he would leave on the 14th if this month. The other night mum asked to extend it until the 12th of this month. I was not happy but I allowed it, as this guy was okay after the big talk, wasn't doing anything funny, just being nice. I said okay but the minute the clock hits twelve and it's the 12th of October I'm calling the cops if he isn't out. I just have a really bad feeling about this dude but I didn't want to judge Incase I was wrong. Karma and threefold ya know. Yesterday was Friday the 13th and a full harvest moons so I cleansed the house with white sage that I had been saving to use for an occasion (I bought it years ago and hadn't bought more sense bc I just recently found out about culture appropriation regarding it). Today is now the 14th, the day he was originally meant to leave. My partner took him to the shops and when he came back he pulled me aside as I had a friend over and didn't want to alarm her, but he told me that the guy admitted he had just bought crack/meth and he was on it and drinking again. That explained why he was acting funny towards me and my friend when she came. Now, I'm not only mad because of that, but because he was around my five year old nephew. We told my mum and my mum asked the guy and he denied. I told my mum that if he doesn't believe my partner then he would leave. She agreed and said she'd deal with it in the morning. My partner went out to see a friend and left me his knife incase shit went down.
I love my mum, I love how all she wants to do is help people, and that she's very caring and I am not blaming her for this at all, it is not her fault whatsoever but tomorrow if he isn't gone, or shit goes down im calling the fucking cops and kicking him out myself. This is bullshit.
I honestly believe that the full moon and it being Friday the 13th with my cleansing that it has brought all this to light and I thank the goddess of the moon for her help in protecting me and my family. I hope everything goes well tomorrow and if I'm not back on for an update I might be dead or something.
#rant#witchcraft#cleansing#full moon#harvest moon#family drama#protection#spells#Friday the 13th#wish me luck#safety
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youtuber!changbin
omg i’m excited for this one bc it’s the loml
s e o c h a n g b i n
enjoy :)
Chan | Woojin | Minho | CHANGBIN | Hyunjin | Jisung | Felix | Seungmin | Jeongin
introducing the one and only. . .
Changbin “I love dark” Seo!!!!
so, as you (probably) already know
he has done lots of collabs with chan and jisung under 3racha
that’s how he met the rest tbh; chan messaged him and jisung both for a 3-person collab and then he stuck with them bc they made some bombass tracks
and he also manages the joint StrayKids youtube account where their gameplays are posted
he has too much time on his hands
which is also why he posts a lot of diss tracks about the other guys
it’s all in good nature, no harm done
and his insults are the bEST
he’s actually a lyrical genius
and no one can hate him or what he says in his raps because
1) what he said is probably true
2) if you hate on it, he’ll come out with a second diss track that’s much worse
his tracks are usually about how chan is like the dad of the group
but everyone just uses him for his money (not in a mean way!!!!!)
or about how felix is desperate for changbin’s love but it’s unrequited (he’s still salty about the forced kiss ok, give him time pls)
he hasn’t made a diss track about jeongin though because the boy is too precious okay no one can say anything bad about him except jyp but hes a snake so screw him
you may be asking what changbin could’ve said about seugmin bc he’s also heckin’ precious but i’m afraid you’re gonna have to wait for seungmin’s one to find out ;)
jisung once hacked into changbin’s youtube account
hacked meaning he guessed changbin’s password (hint: it was ilovegyu<3)
and changed the profile picture to a screenshot he got from a video hyunjin took of changbin being dared to act cute
the video was vv cringey so jisung figured this was the perfect revenge for that diss track changbin made of him
and he also thought changbin needed a change from the pitch black profile pic he had up before
yeah, he loves dark thaaaaat much
as well as producing music and gaming
changbin also dabbles in skateboarding and a biiit of parkour
he does this with felix
(when he has a quick method of escaping felix’s wrath, he can tolerate time together)
his skateboard is. . .
you guessed it: black
probably has a skull or some other ‘scary’ design on the front too
but felix managed to notice a small sticker of a munchlax (the pokemon gyu is fyi) on the back too :) cutie :)
changbin really loves skateboarding because he thinks it looks cool and goes well with his dark concept
but then he always ends up bumping into something because sometimes he pulls his cap too far down and so he can’t see very well
idiot
it’s really funny seeing him try to act nonchalant about tripping up
when everyone around saw
and felix videoed it and is laughing his ass off
changbin threatened to murder felix if he posted that video anywhere
and felix was like “;) good thing i haven’t posted it... i did send it to the SK group chat though”
bro felix was literally running away for his life and changbin was right behind him on his skateboard tryna run him over
that was not a good day to be felix tbfh
the parkour he does is usually quite simple (about as simple as parkour w/ a skateboard can get)
but he looks badass whilst doing it so it’s cool
his favourite move is when he rides perpendicular to a rail and so the board goes under the rail and he jumps over the rail
it took a while to perfect the landing but he was really determined and now he’s mastered it i’m so proud of him
whenever he posts these videos he gets a lot of comments
because with his music & gaming videos his face usually isn’t seen
but with this, it is
so there are a lot of comments about him being b e a u t i f u l
the comment with the most likes was from jisung who was like “mr dark?? more like sunshine boy! :) keep up the great work i <3 your vids!!”
he was close to reporting that comment just so it would go away lmao salty
but instead he ranted to gyu like “sunshine boy? i’m not a sunshine boy, i’m a dark, dark man, right gyu?”
the group have a lot of hang-outs at his house (bc dude look at his house wtfffff it’s so shiny)
and his mum is the cutest!!! always giving them food as soon as they enter
she also LIVES to embarrass her child, poor changbin :(
constantly pulling his cheeks, giving him lil’ kisses and always calling him her “little prince” or some other equally cheesy variant
the guys lowkey thinks it’s cute and know she’s only doing this for fun, but they still use it as an opportunity to laugh at him
one time she whipped out the photo album with baby changbin pics and omg they’ve never seen changbin redder in the face than that day
no one knows if he was fuming or just really embarrassed lmao
what hurt the most was how jeongin - the baby of the group - was laughing and calling him a “cute baby”
and obviously hyunjin had to go “wow dude you were so cute, what happened to you??”
his mum, bless her soul, was like “he takes after his father that’s why”
#SavageSeoMama (this is where he gets inspiration for his diss tracks)
oKAY BACK TO GAMING!!!!
he mainly plays shooting games like battlefield, CoD and csgo with the guys
loves it when they play with just them in a local match, not online (mainly talking about CoD here)
because then he can put on friendly fire so that he can kill his team mates lmao
he’s a major kill scene stealer and proud - truly evil
the guys eventually kick him out of the lobby
only bringing him back once he’s apologised to them
to this day, he hasn’t apologised lmfao
when they kick him out he’ll just start playing online
because changbinnie don’t care
he loves killing people’s hype
for instance, jisung will be cheering over the mic like “yay!! i got the last kill”
and changbin will just reply like “ok and?”
jisung: “wHY CAN’T YOU JUST BE HAPPY FOR ME?!?!?!? I <\3 YOU”
the real question is: how did jisung say “<\3″?
he kills his own hype too though
like when he gets the final kill and suavely goes “wow much skill”
and felix is like “yeah!! wow!!! that was so cool changbinnie!!!”
he’s just like “yeah it wasn’t that good, stop that”
sometimes when they’re all playing free-for-all
he’ll start singing his threats
like he’ll be two steps behind seungmin and just start lowly singing “seungmin, i’ve got your back~”
and like normally someone might interpret that to mean “dw bro i got your back, i’m protecting you, you’re covered”
but nah
changbin straight up stabbed seungmin in the back
seungmin felt that betrayal in his heart
so on the one hand he’s singing to people before he kills them which is heckin’ creepy
but on the other hand he has a beautiful voice so it’s not that bad???
but on the other, other hand (idk imagine 3 hands or smth) he’s technically being nice by giving them a heads-up before he kills them so
really
they should appreciate his kindness
:)
ok no i can’t defend him he’s too into these killing games
the only person he likes teaming up with is hyunjin and here’s why:
chan talks about strategy too much (dude all you gotta do is kill ok relax a bit)
woojin, as previously discussed, makes really bad rookie mistakes
minho gets too frantic when ambushed and just ends up dying without fighting back
jisung is too talkative
felix is also too talkative and is too risky (he’s literally jumped in front of changbin’s character dramatically like “I’ll save you!”. jeongin ended up killing the both of them together lmfao #DoubleKill)
seungmin just runs around in the middle of the battlefield with NO strategy
and jeongin is jeongin. he’s too precious for changbin’s lethality
so that leaves hyunjin. he’s the right amount of talk-y (yes that’s now a word), he has gr8 gameplays, he can handle a multiple-person attack AND he can be really frickin’ ruthless at times
gotta love that boi
felix is always fueled to kill hyunjin for stealing his man
but honestly changbin would rather just solo it because “i work alone, buddy” [sOMEONE GET MY REFERENCE PLS]
wow this has gotten rlly long soz
imma just end it here:
although changbin loves killing them in games and mocking them through his diss tracks
the guys know that they can trust him 100% and that he really, truly does have their backs (even seungmin’s)
and he’s always prepared to fight anyone that hates on any of the guys because only he can do that okay they’re his family and no one else can do that to them
he feels blessed to have them and whenever they come around to his house he’ll get lowkey sentimental bc wow, this is his family that bring a smile to his face everyday
and although he probably won’t admit it without jisung forcing him to, he really loves these guys and is glad to have met them
thank you for reading this far lmao hope you enjoyed it & feedback is always welcome!!
i saw some tag where someone talked about waiting for hyunjin’s one, and bc i’m doing this in age order he’s coming soon
and now just to playfully annoy them i wanna change the order
just kidding
ok not kidding i wanna change the order but i’m too lazy to since i’ve already planned it out
also!! is the desktop theme okay for everyone?? pls let me know of any improvements! :) thank youuuuuuuuuuu
#stray kids#seo changbin#spear b#spearb#3racha#sk#stray kids scenarios#stray kids writing#stray kids imagine#kpop scenarios#kpop writing#kpop imagine#kpop#youtuber changbin#youtube au#stray kids series#changbin#cnb
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