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joycrispy · 8 months

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One thing I love about Crowley --never stated, but consistently shown-- is that he is, at heart, an engineer.

I have a few different things to say about that. Let's unpack them.

As the Unnamed Angel, we see his designs for the Pillars of Creation are millions of pages long, comprised of cramped text, footnotes, diagrams, schematics, etc. It's very...Renaissance polymath, in the way it implies a particular intersection of artist and inventor.

Also: in the naked romanticism with which he views his stars.

We already knew he made stars, but in s2 we learn that he did NOT sculpt each of them by hand. He designed a nebula ("a star factory," he says) that will form several thousand young stars and proto-planets, and all --aside from getting the 'factory' running-- without him lifting a finger. We also learn that these young stars and proto-planets stand in contrast to those made by other angels, which are going to come 'pre-aged.'

...I'm reminded of Hastur and Ligur's approach to temptations. Damning one human soul at a time, devoting singular attention to it over the course of years or decades, and how that stands in contrast to Crowley's reliance on, quote, 'knock-on effects.'

Ligur: It's not exactly...craftsmanship. Crowley: Head office don't seem to mind. They love me down there.

Hm.

I'm also reminded of the M25.

The M25 may not be as grand as a nebula (sentences you only say in GOmens fandom...), but LIKE his nebula it's an intricate, self-sustaining engine that does Crowley's work for him, many times over. Again.

That's some pretty neat characterization --and so is the indication towards Crowley's disinterest in victimizing anyone tempting individual people. It takes a considerable amount of planning and effort (and creeping about in wellies), but in accordance with his design the M25 generates a constant stream of low-grade evil on a gigantic scale.

Cumulatively gigantic, that is. Individually? Negligible.

But no other demon understands human nature well enough to parse that one million ticked-off motorists are not, in any meaningful way, actually equivalent to one dictator, or one mass-murderer, or even one little influential regressive. That's the trick of it. Crowley gets Hell's approval (which he NEEDS to survive, and to maintain the degree of freedom he's eked out for himself), and at the same time ensures that any actual ~Evil Influence~ is spread nice and thin.

It's some clever machinery. And he knows it, too:

The Unnamed Angel and Crowley are both proud of their ideas.

(musings on professional pride, Leonardo da Vinci, the crank handle, and 'the point to which Crowley loves Aziraphale' under the cut)

In the 1970's Crowley gives a presentation on the M25, projector and all, to a room full of increasingly impatient demons. Maybe the presentation was work-ordered; the 'can I hear a WAHOO?' definitely wasn't.

Before the Beginning, the Unnamed Angel can barely contain his excitement about his nebula. Aziraphale manages a baffled-but-polite, "....That's nice... :)"

11 years ago, Hastur and Ligur want to 'tell the deeds of the day,' and Crowley smiles to himself because (according to the script-book) he knows he has 'the best one.'

(Naturally, his 'deed' has nothing to do with tempting anybody, and everything to do with setting up a human-powered Rube-Goldberg machine of petty annoyance. Oodles of 'Evil' generated; very little harm done.)

Hastur and Ligur don't get it, of course. That's also consistent.

Nobody ever knows what the hell he's talking about.

It didn't make it on-screen, but, in both the novel AND the script-book, Crowley was friends with Leonardo da Vinci. The quintessential Renaissance polymath. That's where he got his drawing of the Mona Lisa --they're getting very drunk together, and Crowley picks up the 'most beautiful' of the preliminary sketches. He wants to buy it. Leonardo agrees almost off-the-cuff, very casual, because they're friends, and because he has bigger fish to fry than haggling over a doodle:

He goes, "Now, explain this helicopter thingie again, will you?" Because he's an engineer, too.

(It is 1519 at the latest, in this scene. Why the FUCK would Crowley know about helicopters, and be able to explain them, comprehensively, to Leonardo da Vinci?

...Well. I choose to believe he got bored one day and worked it out. Look, if you know how to build a nebula, you can probably handle aerodynamics. And anyway, I think it's telling that this is his idea of shooting the shit. 'A drunken mind speaks a sober heart,' and all. He probably babbled about Aziraphale long enough to make poor Leo sick)

Apart from Aziraphale, Leonardo da Vinci is the only person Crowley has any keepsakes or mementos of.

Think about that, though. Aziraphale's bookshop is bursting with letters, paintings, busts, and personalized signatures memorializing all the humans he's known and befriended over 6000 years (indeed: Aziraphale has living human friends up and down Whickber Street. He's part of a community).

Crowley doesn't have any of that. It's just the stone albatross from the Church (for pining), the infamous gay sex statue (for spicy pining), the houseplants (for roleplaying his deepest trauma over and over, as one does), and this one piece of artwork, inscribed, "To my friend Anthony from your friend Leo da V."

To me, at least, that suggests a level of attachment that seems to be rare for Crowley.

...Maybe he liked having someone to talk shop with? Someone who was interested? Someone engaged enough to ask questions when they didn't immediately understand?

...Anyway.

There's also the matter of the crank handle.

This thing:

This is one of the subtler changes from the book. In the book, Crowley knows Satan is coming and, desperate, arms himself with a tire iron. It's the best he can do. He's not Aziraphale; he wasn't made to wield a flaming sword.

The show, IMO, improves on this considerably. Now he, like Aziraphale, gets to face annihilation with what he was made for in his hand. And it's not a weapon, not even an improvised one like the tire iron.

He made stars with it.

[both gifs by @fuckyeahgoodomens]

If you Google 'crank handle,' you'll get variations on this:

Crank handles have been around for centuries. Consisting of a mechanical arm that's connected to a perpendicular rotating shaft, they are designed to convert circular motion into rotary or reciprocating motion.

Which is to say they're one of the 'simple machines,' like a lever or a pulley; the bread and butter of engineering. You'll also get a list of uses for a crank handle, archaic and modern. Among them: cranking up the engine of an old-fashioned car... say, a 1933 Bentley. That's what Crowley has been using his for, lately. But he's had it since he was an angel and he's still, it seems, very capable of it's angelic applications.

Stopping time. For instance.

(This is conjecture on my part, but, I like to imagine that Crowley has the ability to stop time for the same reason I can --and should-- unplug my computer before I perform maintenance on it. Time and Space are a matched set, after all, and in his designs in particular, one feeds into the other.)

I know everyone has already said this, but: I REALLY LIKE that when he needs to channel the heights of his power, he does so not with a weapon but with a tool. Practically with a little handheld metaphor for ingenuity. One from long-lost days when he made beautiful things.

(And he loved it. Still loves it --he incorporated that metaphor into the Bentley, didn't he?)

Let Aziraphale rock up to the apocalypse with a weapon: he has his own compelling thematic reasons to do exactly that. Crowley's story is different, and fighting isn't the only way to express defiance. And if you've been condemned as a demon and assumed to be destructive by your very nature, what better way than this?

He made stars. They didn't manage to take that from him.

Neither Crowley nor Aziraphale are fighters, really --they have no intention of fighting in any war. They'll annoy everyone until there's no war to fight in, for a start. But between the two, if one must be, then that one is Aziraphale. Principality of the Earth, Guardian of the Eastern Gate, Wielder of the Flaming Sword... all that stuff. Even if he'd prefer not to, it's very clear that Aziraphale can rise to the occasion, if he must.

Crowley was never that kind of angel. He wasn't a Principality. He doesn't have a sword.

...And yet.

It's Crowley who protects. He's the one who paces, who stands guard, who circles Aziraphale and glares out at the world, just daring anyone else to come near.

In light of everything else I've said here, I think that's interesting.

Obviously part of it is that Aziraphale enjoys it and, you know, good for him. He's living his best life, no doubt no doubt no doubt. But what about Crowley? What's driving that behavior, really?

Have you heard the phrase, 'loved to the point of invention'? Well, what if 'the point of invention' was where you started? What if where you end up involves glaring out at the world, just daring anyone else to come near? What is that, in relation to the bright-eyed thing you used to be?

What do we name the point to which Crowley loves Aziraphale?

...Thinking about how an excitable angel with three million pages of star design he wants to tell you all about...becomes a guard dog. Is all.

#good omens #ineffable husbands #aziracrow #Crowley #Aziraphale #good omens 2 #good omens meta #unfortunately I do not have trains of thought #only long meandering strolls of thought #sorry about it #anyway tl;dr Crowley is a nerd #also I have a strange emotional attachment to the idea of 1500's Crowley...#...facedown in a pile of Mona Lisa sketches; drunkenly info-dumping about Aziraphale #and Da Vinci is just like. 'Ahhhh mio amico Antonio. You fucking simp.'

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reashot · 2 months

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A Final Goodbye... (Lancaster in the end.)

So with RT gone and with RWBY never going to get a satisfying ending I made this instead.

Salem: ... It has begun.

Tyrian: May I ask, what has begun exactly, your evilship?

Salem: The end of the universe.

Tyrian: Oh... Can we stop that?

Salem: I'm afraid not. It has been decided by someone higher than me.

Tyrian: Someone higher. Is it the twin gods?

Salem: Ehhh..... Someone much higher than even them I'm afraid.

Tyrian: I see... So this is it then?

Salem: This is it.

Tyrian: Then I'm proud that I was your number one henchman.

*flash*

think of this as the same thing that destroyed the multiverse during the crisis on infinite earth.

Somewhere in Vacuo

Yang: Well this sucks.

Blake: Tell me about it. Just right when we're finally together,

Yang: I know babe. And before we get to be erased from existence I want to say to you again.

I love you.

Blake: Come here...

*flash*

Tai: There goes my daughter.

Raven: At least she died with someone she loved.

Tai: ...It doesn't mean she hates you know.

Raven: Tai. We're about to die. So you don't have to lie to make me feel better.

Tai: If it makes you feel any better Yang doesn't want to spend her final moment with me either.

Raven: Some parents we are.

Tai: The last time I check I was the parent. And you were the one that left us.

Raven: I know that! Do you think I want to leave her in the first place and leave you?! But it's too late for that now.

Tai: You know maybe we can try again. You can apologize to Yang in the next life.

Raven: I-I would like that...

*flash*

Willow: I really picked a bad time to stop drinking.

Whitley: At least we can spend our last family time together.

Weiss: As much I hate saying this. I'm glad I at least got to spend my last time on Remnants with you, mom and.... Wait a sec, where did Winter go?

Qrow: Boy. I really picked a good time to start drinking.

Winter: Qrow. There's something I wanted to tell you.

Qrow: Fire away Ice queen.

Winter: *gets down on one knee* Qrow Branwen will you marry me?

Qrow: Uhhh.... all right.

Winter: Great. Let me introduce you to my family. Weiss meet your new brother in-law.

Qrow: Uh hey Ice princess. I guess I'm marrying your sister now.

Weiss: WHAT!!! If you think I'm letting a drunk deadbeat marrying my sister then you must be fuc...

*flash*

Ruby: This it Jaune. Are you scared?

Jaune: Very. So how do you feel Ruby.

Ruby: Same... It's not supposed to end this way.

Jaune: I know Rubes, but what done is done. And I'm glad I got to spend the end of the world with a friend.

Ruby: Yeah... Ah screw it. Jaune please don't get mad at me.

*kiss Jaune on the lips*

Jaune. I love you.

Jaune: W-what?

Ruby: I said I love you, you dork! I've been in love with you for a long time. I always wanted to tell you this but there was never a good time to do so.

Jaune: I see. Then I also have a confession to make. I feel the same way too. For a long time. I thought you don't feel the same way as I do.

Ruby: Well now we know. I just wish we have more time. To go on more dates, to go on a beach together, to get married, have kids and grow old togethers....

I don't want to die Jaune. Not yet. Not until we achieve our dreams together.

Jaune: I know Ruby but it's too late for that. At least we will die together.

Ruby: I guess there are worst ways to die. Jaune I love you and I hope we get to see each others again in the next life and the next life after that.

Jaune: Ruby I love you too. And I promise to always find you no matters where you are.

Ruby: And I will promise to always love you.

*kiss Jaune for the last time*

*flash*

Will make an epilogue if this gets 100 likes.

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mostlysignssomeportents · 2 months

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Vice surrenders

I'm on tour with my new novel The Bezzle! Catch me TONIGHT in LA with Adam Conover at Vroman's, then on MONDAY in Seattle with Neal Stephenson, then Portland, Phoenix and more!

Vice died the way it lived: being suckered in by smarter predators, even as it trained its own predatory instincts on those more credulous than its own supremely gullible leadership. RIP, we hardly knew ye.

For those of you who don't know, Vice was a Canadian media success story. It was founded by a motley clique of hipsters, one of whom – founder of the Proud Boys – has since grown to be one of the world's great fascism influencers. Another perfected the art of getting young people to work "for exposure" even as he built a massive, highly lucrative media empire on their free labor:

https://www.canadaland.com/podcast/vice-oral-history/

Eventually, Vice transitioned to a string of progressively worsening corporate owners, each more dishonest, predatory – and gullible – than the last. The company was one of the most enthusiastic marks for Facebook's infamous "pivot to video" – in which Mark Zuckerberg destroyed half the media industry by tricking them into thinking that the public was clamoring for video content, based on fraudulent viewing numbers:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pivot_to_video

Vice went all-in on video, spending hundreds of millions to finance Zuckerberg's doomed attempt to conquer Youtube. But unlike other the rubes who got zucked, Vice found greater fools to scam, convincing giant, slow-moving meidia companies that the best way to get in on the Next Big Thing was to shower them with vast sums of string-free money:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Viceland_(Canadian_TV_channel)

And yet, at every turn, through a succession of increasingly incompetent owners who bought the stumbling, declining Vice at fire-sale prices and then proceeded to hack away at the wages and tools its journalists depended on while paying executives salaries so high that they beggared the imagination, Vice's reporters continued to turn out stellar material.

This went on literally until the last moment. The memorial posted by 404 Media rounds up a selection of major stories Vice's beleaguered, precarious writers produced even as Vice's vulture capitalist leadership were pulling the rug out from under them:

https://www.404media.co/behind-the-blog-vices-legacy-and-the-idea-that-the-internet-is-forever/

True to form, those private equity scumbags locked all those workers out of the company's CMS without notice – and then forgot to lock down the podcasting back-end. That allowed a group of Vice veterans – Matthew Gault, Emily Lipstein, Anna Merlan, Tim Marchman and Mack Lamoureux – to gather for a totally unauthorized, tell-all session that they pushed out on an official Vice channel:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TKT4OtDEJRA

It's a hell of a listen. Not only do these Vice veterans have lots of fascinating history to recount, but they also describe the conditions under which those blockbuster stories of Vice's final days were produced. As the "visionary leaders" of the company paid themselves millions, they halted payments to key suppliers, from Lexisnexis to the interview transcription service the writers depended on. Writers paid out of pocket to search PACER court records.

Not only did Vice's reporters do incredible work under terrible and worsening circumstances, but the Vice writers who got out ahead of the total collapse are also doing incredible work. 404 Media is a writer-owned investigative news publisher founded by four Vice escapees – Samantha Cole, Jason Koebler, Emanuel Maiberg and Joseph Cox, which is both producing incredible work and sustaining the writers who founded it:

https://www.404media.co/

All of which leads to an inescapable conclusion: whatever problems Vice had, they didn't include "writers don't do productive work" and also didn't include "that work isn't economically viable*. Whatever problems Vice had, they weren't problems with Vice's workers – it was a problem with Vice's bosses.

Which makes Vice's final, ignominious punishment at the hands of those bosses even more brutal, stupid and inexcusable. According to the leaked memos emanating from the company's investors and their millionaire C-suite toadies, the business's new strategy is abandoning their website in order to publish on social media.

This is…I mean, this,..

This is…

Wow.

I mean, wow.

The thing is, the social media business model is a giant rug-pull. They're not even bothering to hide their playbook anymore. For social media, the game is to encourage media companies to become reliant on third parties to reach their audiences. Once that reliance is established, the companies turn down – or even halt – the ability of those media companies to reach their audience altogether. Then, they charge the media companies to reach their audiences:

https://www.eff.org/deeplinks/2023/06/save-news-we-need-end-end-web

Now, this wasn't always quite so obvious. Back when Vice was falling for Facebook's "pivot to video," it wasn't completely obvious that the long con was to take your audience hostage and ransom them back to you. But deliberately organizing your business to be reliant on social media barons today? It's like trusting your money to Sam Bankman-Fried…in 2024.

If there was ever a moment when the obvious, catastrophic, imminent risk of trusting Big Tech intermediaries to sit between you and your customers or audience, it was now. This is not the moment to be "social first." This is the moment for POSSE (Post Own Site, Share Everywhere), a strategy that sees social media as a strategy for bringing readers to channels that you control:

https://pluralistic.net/2022/02/19/now-we-are-two/#two-much-posse

Predicting that a social media platform will rug the media companies that depend on it today doesn't take a Sun Tzu – as cunning strategies go, the hamfisted tactics of FB, Twitter and Tiktok make gambits like "Lucy and the football" look like von Clausewitz.

The most bonkers part of this strategy is that it's coming from private equity bosses, who laud themselves as the great strategists of the 21st century, whose claim on so much of our global capital and resources is derived from their brilliant insight, which allows them to buy "distressed assets" like Vice, "restructure" them to find "efficiencies" and sell them on.

The reality is that PE goons – like other financiers – are basically herding animals. Everyone's hit on the tactic of buying up beloved media companies – from the 150-year-old Popular Science to modern publications like CNet – and then filling them with spammy garbage in the hopes that Google will fail to notice and continue to award them pride-of-place on search results pages:

https://pluralistic.net/2024/02/21/im-feeling-unlucky/#not-up-to-the-task

The fact that these billionaire brain-geniuses can't figure out how to "turn around" a site whose workers a) produce brilliant, popular, successful work; and b) depart to found successful firms that commercialize that work tells you everything about their ability to spot "a good business opportunity."

PE – like other mafiosi – only have one business-plan, the "bust out," where you invade a business that produces useful things, force them to pay your chosen suppliers sky-high fees for things they don't need, extract massive fees for your "management" and then walk away from the collapse:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/06/02/plunderers/#farben

If you'd like an essay-formatted version of this post to read or share, here's a link to it on pluralistic.net, my surveillance-free, ad-free, tracker-free blog:

https://pluralistic.net/2024/02/24/anti-posse/#when-you-absolutely-positively-dont-give-a-solitary-single-fuck

#pluralistic #vice #motherboard #posse #apps #enshittification #media #chumboxes #botshit #bust outs #news bailouts

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convoloutedinjoke · 11 months

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Rating Disco Elysium characters based on how funny I think their kinks have the potential to be

Harry: the DSM of getting off on things. He likes piss he likes feet he likes the idea of being soooo small and tiny you could step on him like a bug, and while none of these things are funny on their own they are when he does them on account of his being a clown. He would also fuck a clown, incidentally. 8/10, knocking two points off because this lacks the element of surprise.

Kim: Leather and uniform fetishist. No wise guy shenanigans here. Will fuck you serious will fuck you professional. His strap is extremely normal, his daddy/boy dynamics are not a laughing matter. 4/10 because he wants to have relations with his car and is embarrassed about it

Jean: No idea what gets him off but he genuinely believes whatever it is means he’s evil and weird, making him the proud owner of The Worlds Funniest Kinks. 9/10, steals mustard from the homeless without remorse but has a moral crisis every time he cums while fantasising about getting gangbanged in a holding cell. Sad!

Trant: not funny. too passionately open about the things hes into. if you tried to make light of his trampling fetish, he would recite the wikipedia entry on cock and ball torture to you from memory and look delighted to be sharing his interests with you the whole time. 3/10

Klaasje: not funny to most on account of being conventionally attractive and good at billing her sexual encounters as suffused with romantic, literary ennui but it SHOULD be funny to be such a Lana Del Rey motherfucker in the sheets so I’m pulling rank and saying 7/10

Joyce: cringefail class dynamics fantasies. Bodice rippers and the opposite of CEO erotica feature heavily here. This wouldn’t be funny if not for the fact she literally owns a yacht. Also wants to get stabbed a little bit. 5/10, probably read the elysium version of lady chatterlys lover as a teen and still jerks off about it.

Garte: a normal man if there ever was one. has kinks but they aren't funny. wears a bra sometimes and it looks cute. 1/10 probably fun to hook up with and a decent communicator

The Deserter: given the 5 decades of loneliness, im willing to bet his brain has rewired itself into having some interesting potentially bug-related reward pathways but whatever he's got going on is too sad to laugh about. 0/10 :(

Sunday Friend: his kinks would be funny on anyone else, but he’s very very very boring. 2/10, you can pay a twink to do raceplay with you, but it wont dispel the grey miasma of being a mid tier government employee

evrart: I don’t know honestly, the lying and manipulating and petty power plays scrambled my brain despite the rube-Goldbergian elements of all his little tasks. Maybe he’d do predicament bondage? Uh. 3/10. Id let him hit, but he also has kind of a Wallace n Grommit thing going on so I can’t say 0

Steban: big on role playing but isn’t very good at it. Starts giggling halfway through when it becomes apparent how silly the fake muttonchops are. 4/10, less funny than it could be because he has a sense of humour about it

Ulixes: probably has a guro thing but also hasn’t had sex since he started focusing on reading theory and feints at the sight of real blood. This should be less funny than pretending to be Kras Mazov in bed, but he takes himself extremely seriously. 6/10 until he starts getting laid again, then still 6/10 but for other reasons

Gary: cuck chair. 10/10. I am not elaborating because I’m tired now, but someone else made a convincing post at one point

#disco elysium

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libraryofloveletters · 11 months

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The Boy Next Door

pairing: ruben dias x reader

summary: you supported him through it all, it only made sense you were the one there in the end.

author’s note: dedicated to my bestie cause she’s in love with mr ruben dias @themandaloriansdiaries

all photos are from instagram and/or pinterest :)

written in the photos series masterlist

rubendias

liked by youruser, jackgrealish, erling.haaland and 183,485

rubendias: Make it 3 in a row. 🏆🏆🏆

view 904 comments

user3: 😍😍😍

youruser: so so soooo proud 🥹

comment liked by rubendias

rd3: Ruben >>>

johnstonesofficial: 💙

youruser

liked by rubendias, jackgrealish, johnstonesoffical and 19,443 others

youruser: your treble winner everybody!! seeing you achieve your dreams makes me so proud and so happy. (I’m not crying, I swear) these last few weeks have been nothing but a dream. love you always rubes, forever by your side 🥹💙

tagged: rubendias

view 332 comments

user5: stoppppp they’re so cute 😭

rubendias: love you 💙

comment liked by youruser

cityfan: are they dating? It’s always giving dating

user8: her calling him rubes 😭😭 so fricking cute

jackgrealish: making me tear up here

↪️youruser: is that cause im sweet or because you’re drunk jack???

↪️jackgrealish: this was uncalled for

—

youruser added an instagram story.

—

youruser

liked by philfoden, rubendias, nathanake and 23,344 others

youruser: little get away with my love 🫶🏽

comments have been disabled on this post.

rubendias

liked by erling.haaland, philfoden, youruser and 198,340 others

rubendias: luckiest man in the world.

tagged: youruser

view 1,204 comments

youruser: love you ❤️

user8: WE HAVE A RED HEART PEOPLE

user3: crying, screaming, sliding down a wall, when will it be my turnnnnnn

jackgrealish: yeah im crying now

↪️rubendias: are you still drunk?

↪️jackgrealish: at least I didn’t puke in my mum’s bag???

erling.haaland: ❤️❤️

rd3: not jack calling him out 😭

#written in the photos social media series #ruben dias #ruben dias x reader #football instagram au #football social media au #Spotify

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footballerimaginess · 7 months

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Baby Pumpkin

Footballer Imaginess Does Halloween Announcing with a pumpkin that you were expecting with Ruben. Ruben Dias Word Count: 476 Trigger warnings: mentions pregnancy You and Ruben were in your own little bubble, finding out you were having a baby was just so exciting.

"How are you feeling today?" Ruben asked as he came home from training. "I'm okay, feeling so sleepy and just a bit achy. But anyway how was your day, what is all that in your bag?" you looked up at him as he kissed your head gently. "Oh that's annoying, at least we can watch a movie and just relax for the evening. But these, have a look" he smiled as he opened the bag to reveal something. "Pumpkins?" you questioned. "Yes, I wanted to do something for the baby reveal. I'm not sure how you feel about doing it all. You are 12 weeks in a few days, we should have a cute announcement" Ruben grinned. "That sounds just perfect, but you're the one who is carving it right? I don't think I can trust myself with a knife. So maybe you can do it" you laughed as you looked up and saw him with the knife in his hand. "Yes that sounds good, I'll do it" he laughed. "I can't say it will be any good though" Ruben shrugged his arms out, making you laugh. "I'm sure it will be fine, shall I sit at the table with you whilst you do this because I don't want you to do anything wrong" you told him as he looked at you confused. "What is that supposed to mean?" he glanced straight at you as he got all of his tools ready for the carving. "I want it to look good, that's all. I wasn't offending you I promise" teasing him as he rolls his eyes. You carefully watched Ruben as he was carefully cutting out the words 'baby' into one of the pumpkins. "Oh that is great" he muttered to his self as he was proud of it as he grabbed the next one. "Do you want a drink?" you asked Ruben as you wiped his sweaty forehead. "Thank you" he smiled as you got a fresh bottle of water out of the fridge. You watched him as he finished cutting up everything, you could see the pure pride in his face as he finished carving as you watched him smiling to himself with the biggest grin on his face. "Oh Rubes, I love it. You have done so much for it, I am loving them. Thank you so much" you blushed as you gently touched the pumpkins. "So shall we take a photo of them and the scan, I know it is still early but I would like to take the photo" Ruben asked as you nodded. "Sounds perfect, baby Dias" you grinned as you took a few photos, making sure that the angles were right for the photos as well as the lighting.

rubendias and yourinstagram: our little pumpkin, baby Dias arriving in March 2024

#31daysofhalloween #footballerimaginessdoeshalloween #football imagines #football imagine #football one shots #football one shot #futbol imagines #futbol imagine #ruben dias x reader #ruben dias imagine #football x reader

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the-final-sif · 1 year

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Anyways, I don't think I did put the chicken and the egg idea here, so!!

The chicken and the egg is my idea for a "test" for admins when they first create a server. It's hardcored in to ensure the person starting the server knows what they're doing, at least a little bit. Like a puzzle that needs to be solved.

The rules of this problem are simple; in order for mobs to start spawning there must be both a chicken and an egg present on the server. A chicken despawns instantly without an egg, an egg despawns instantly without a chicken.

The solution to this is for an admin to run the tasks in parallel, they happen at the same time, and because the tasks are processed at the same time, both come into existence together. No despawning, and you're all good to go.

c!Dream when starting his own server encountered this problem with no formal training. He got stumped by this for awhile, before finding a solution he was very proud of!!

One day, someone, probably c!Phil is looking through the server code and realizes that the server. straight up. Isn't using any parallel processes. He's not even sure how that's possible. It shouldn't be possible, because you need at least one parallel process to start your server and spawn mobs.

Since he can't figure it out Phil asks Dream how he solved that initial puzzle, trying to figure out what's going on. Dream is very happy to explain his solution!!

Start trying to spawn a chicken in a loop, basically spamming the command.

Paint a painting of an egg in an item frame.

Take an actual item frame and place it in front of an observer

Pause ticking so the observer can't update

Replace the item frame with the picture of the egg in an item frame.

Resume ticking.

The Observer now believes there is an egg that has been placed in the item frame, because the observer believes there is an egg, the server now believes there is an egg.

Because the server now believes there is an egg, it allows the chicken to spawn. Once he has the chicken, c!Dream spawns in a real egg.

Profit

Dream even kept this setup in a tiny little bedrock enclosure so nobody could mess with it. He shows it off to Phil whose just stuck between awe and horror that this worked and the broader implications for what kind of weird rube-goldberg ass server they're on right now.

#c!dream #dreblr #c!Philza #c!Phil #admin c!dream #dsmp #dream smp #I know observers don't quite work like this but shhhhh #sif speaks #this is just a general idea that's been bouncing around in my head

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bolithesenate · 19 days

Note

The origin of Sifo's hair loopies?

"Jo, what are you doing?," Sifo tried to peer at her busy fingers doing... something with a section of hair at the side of his forehead.

"Hush, hold still." She sent him a cautionary jab over the Force, concentrated solely on her little project. "I just learned how to do this, so don't fuck this up."

What 'this' was got revealed to Sifo-Dyas about half an hour later as he peered curiously into a reflective bit of a spoon (due to grievous lack of mirrors in the Archives). He tilted his head, shaking it a bit, the movement sending Jocasta's hairdresserial masterworks (?) swaying.

"And what are they?," he asked again, looking at his very proud looking friend.

"It's a Knight-braid," Jocasta said proudly, "I learned about them when I visited Jedha. Apparently they fell out of fashion already back in Grandmaster Sunrider's time, but there's still records of how to do them."

Sifo looked back into the spoon. Shook the braids some more. "Knight braids, huh," he murmured, "I've never heard of those. You sure that was a real thing that existed?"

She shrugged, already going back to her half-finished kaf she'd gotten before their little pause mid mission-prep. It must have been ice cold by now, Sifo would never understand how she could still drink it like that.

"Does it matter if they did?," she quipped back, before downing the contents of the cup. "They're cute and they suit you. Way better than that stupid beard Yan has been growing out."

Oh, so this was about the beard.

Sifo should have known.

"Maybe if it grows long enough you can braid that too?," he couldn't help but tease her, "You know, get some old traditions up and going again? Maybe start a new trend while you're at it?"

All he got was a look that could have shock-frozen Mustafar twice over. "Do not," she mocked throwing the kf cup at him, "even joke about that, Sifo. I'd rather personally shave down Master Tyvokka before touching that... thing."

Sifo laughed, fingers already reaching to play with the new braids. They were fun. "Oh, don't act like that. You can't fault him for trying to hide his babyface. There's been talks of him getting offered a Council Seat, you know. He's been stressing out over it all month."

"And his solutions to that was to grow a beard over it?" Jocasta sounded dubious. "I don't know. Sounds like a case for the mind healer to me."

"Oh shut it," he flicked her though the Force, "I think it looks stately."

"Of course you do." Her defiant murmur was barely audible, buried behind the datapad she'd pulled out. "Suckup."

"Not everyone is on a crusade against all facial hair like you are," Sifo singsonged happily, ignoring her dramatic mood (it was mostly an act anyways). "A bit of self expression won't do our dear Yan any harm."

Jocasta's face darkened further. "Not him maybe, but just see how you'll feel about it when it gives you beard-burn. That shit sucks."

Sifo snickered. "Advice taken."

"I'm serious, Sy."

"And I'll keep it in mind, Jo." He scooted over to her, flinging one of the newly installed braids against her cheek. "Plus, you've given me the weapons to defend myself now, haven't you?"

With an annoyed groan, Jocasta simply reached out, quick as lightning, and grabbed Sy's entire face, pushing him away. "Stop that you little kriffer," she complained, "I'm already regretting this, just so you know."

Sifo let himself be pushed away. Then he waited a few moments, before immediately diving back in, tackling his smaller friend in a hug. "Nahh," he said happily, rubing his face against her side, "You love me. You love the braids. Show me how to do them myself?"

"You're gonna keep them?," she asked, peering down on him. It was evident that she was flattered by the idea. Flattered that he'd liked them.

Sifo grinned up at her. "Of course. As I said, I gotta be able to beat back Yan's beard-attacks, don't I."

"Hmm." She looked off, clearly fighting down a smile. "I'll see what I can do."

#lol i wasn't sure if this was a prompt or not #but i took it as one bc i had a sudden epiphany #tbh ive thought about the origin of the loopies before #and theres many ideas ive been toying with #but them being smt that my favorite history nerd jocasta dug out from somewhere and then just installed on him is my fave one #sometimes you gotta let your friends do stuff to your hair #random boli thoughts #star wars #jocasta nu #sifo dyas #me writing #answering asks #⛏️⛏️⛏️#also yes i hc jocasta to be an absolute beard hater #why? because my mom is and it's a constant source of jokes in my family

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goldenamaranthe-blog · 11 months

Text

Warning: there be adult themes!

Ruby: Yang, I need some advice.

Yang: (goes big sister mode) What's up, Rubes?

Ruby: (whispers) howdoifuckweisssowellherlegsshake?

Yang: What?

Ruby: How do I fuck Weiss so well her legs shake?! It's our one year anniversary and I want her legs to quake like leaves in a hurricane! I want her to not walk tomorrow!

Yang: First, I'm so proud of you. Second, you don't want to stop there.

Ruby: I don't?

Yang: Nope! (Claps Ruby on the shoulder) Dear sister of mine, let me tell you a secret.

Yang, Ruby, and Blake sitting in a Cafe getting coffee, tea, and sweets.

Ruby: (scroll pings) Oh, it's Weiss. (Puts call on speaker)

Weiss: RUBY ROSE, WHAT DID YOU DO TO ME?!?!?

Ruby: What?! What did I do?!

Weiss: First, my legs wouldn't stop shaking until 3 AM this morning, then I was late to work because I couldn't walk!

Yang: (snickers)

Weiss: NOW I'm trying to scrub a blood stain out of my good skirt because my period started early!

Yang: (howls with laughter) Atta girl, Ruby!

Weiss: Oh! Yang, you brute! I should have known you had something to do with this! Ugh! I'm hanging up! (Click)

Blake: You told Ruby how to fuck Weiss into starting her period early, didn't you?

Yang: I did. And I could not be more proud.

#white rose #bumbleby #ruby rose #adult themes ahead #Weiss schnee #yang xiao long #blake belladonna #incorrect rwby quotes #rwby crack #crack at its finest

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razorblade180 · 11 months

Text

9 Days of Lancaster Day1: Late Night Texting

After a very dangerous semester at school has come to an end, many students used their free time to vacation or visit. Ruby and Yang were no exception to this trend. Their mom and dad had been delighted to have them back, and Ruby was all to happy to boast about her team’s accomplishments. However, perhaps she had gotten too used Vale.

Between the trip and stories, Ruby retreated to her room for the rest of night to relax; her social battery sapped. That was until a text notification on her scroll made her eyes sparkle.

“Hey crater face. Did you make it home safely?”

“No. Airship crashed and we had to fight grimm everywhere.💀”

“So what you’re saying is I should call you Crater Maker?”

Ruby snickered at his dumb joke. She walked into that one. “Made it home just fine. How about you?”

“Didn’t go home. Not worth the hassle.”

“Ah, that sucks. So your entire team is at Beacon?”

“Nah. Pyrrha went home. Ren and Nora went on a trip just outside the kingdom.”

“Why didn’t you go with them?”

It took a minute to get a response. Ruby was sent a photo of Jaune giving her a blank stare that had “take a guess” written all over or it.

“Right, silly question. So you’re all alone at the dorms?”

“I mean…Weiss didn’t go home either apparently. I bumped into her at the library.”

“So you’re all alone at the dorms?”

“……”

“Yeah pretty much.”

“Anyways, shouldn’t you be entertaining your folks?”

“Yang had the covered, I’m cozy in bed. It’s late.”

“Not really. It’s not even midnight yet.”

“Time works differently when parents ask a hundred questions. I barely answered half! It was fun though.”

“Do they now about me?”

“Like…your existence?”

“Rubes…😭😅”

“OH!”

“I chickened out. They now you’re my friend though! Just…not the other stuff.👀”

“Then I guess it would be weird if I visited you?”

“Don’t tell me you miss me already?”

“I always miss you when you aren’t around ❤️”

Ruby felt her cheeks get red. How could a few words on a screen unravel her in such a way? It was down right silly. Still, her heart skipped a beat seeing the next message.

“I wish you were here.”

“Get some rest; you’re being silly.”

“Ah, my heart. So cruel 💔 😭”

“Oh hush lol.”

“I wish you here too…”

“Is that an invite?”

“At this hour? My dad would murder you. Do really miss my face that much?”

“It’s a cute face with a precious smile.”

“Hmmm I’m not sure if I believe you. Do you really miss me?”

What came next derailed her thinking. It made Ruby audibly gasp as she put her scroll face down while blood rushed to her cheeks from the proof Jaune had sent her. Ruby slowly flipped her scroll and began frantically typing.

“Someone is bold tonight.”

“Too bold???”

“….I didn’t say all that.👀”

“Airships are still running. So, are you sneaking out or am I sneaking in?”

To think it only took close to two days of separation to make them both a little more than stir crazy. Then again, it had been much longer since they were alone. Ruby wasn’t even mad about his boldness, just flustered and mentally trying to reason with herself. She really didn’t want her dad to murder him, and she doubted mom could stop him from doing so. Even so, sneaking out and back was a tall order.

“I don’t think I can sneak away without someone eventually knocking on my door. As for you visiting, that’s your life Jaune Arc. I’m not going ask you to throw it away.😭”

“Fair. We’ll see each other soon enough. 😊”

“DON’T ACT CUTE AFTER WHAT YOU SENT! I ALMOST YELLED!”

“Haha, my bad. Anyways, I’ll stop distracting you for now. Luv ya Rubes.”

“Luv you too and stuff. ❤️”

Ruby put her head face down in her pillow and groaned. She was both very proud and disappointed in herself. Darn the adorkable dummy! She had gone to bed rest and now she trying not kick her feet and smile. Jaune had never been bold before. It was kinda nice. Maybe being separated had its merits? Although…

Ruby: (HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO SLEEP NOW!?)

#rwby #jaune arc #ruby rose #rwby lancaster #9daysoflancaster23

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notmaplemable · 1 year

Text

Rewards

Ruby: Hey Jaune look! *Holds out piece of paper* I got a 93 on my last dust studies test!

Jaune: Good job, Rubes.

Ruby: I'd like my reward now~

Jaune: Well okay. *Starts patting Ruby's head* Good girl

Ruby: *Happy wolf faunus noises*

Weiss: So is this why Ruby has been more diligent about her studies in recent weeks?

Jaune: Yep.

Weiss: Well it may be unorthodox, but the results do speak for themselves.

Yang: So you just give her head pats when she does well?

Jaune: 93 head pats and 9 good girls to be used whenever she pleases.

Blake: Nobody ever gives me head pats.

Yang: So what do you get when you do well on a test, Jaune?

Jaune: Oh, I get something much better.

Yang: And what would that be?

------

Ruby: Wow, that's a great score, Jaune.

Jaune: Thanks Rubes.

Ruby: *Hugs Jaune* I'm proud of you and you're doing such a great job. *peck of the cheek* I love you.

Jaune: I love you too.

#rwby #lancaster #jaune arc #ruby rose #wolf!faunus ruby #faunus!ruby #yang xiao long #weiss schnee #blake belladonna

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reashot · 9 months

Text

Why do people keep telling us that we're Dating?

Jaune & Ruby enjoying their daily cuddling session together.

Jaune: Stop it Ruby! It tickles...

Ruby: No! It's pay back for last time. *giggle*

Jaune: How is it my fault that you're sensitive to my touch?

Ruby: Well I can't help it if being touched by you feel so good. So I'm kissing your neck until you feel good too yourself.

Jaune: Then you won't mind if I do the same myself, right? *devour Ruby's neck*

Ruby: No!!! Stop it! Jaune please... *moan* I-I can't control my... *moan* No! Don't some-something... *moan* I can feel something is about to com....

Ren: *clears throat*

Ruby: *panting* H-hey Ren what's up?

Ren: I see you two are busy with each other as usual... I'll cut to the chase. Ruby, are you dating Jaune?

Ruby:

Jaune: I already told you Ren, there's nothing going on between Ruby and me. And we are definitely not dating.

Ren: *trying to hold back his rage* I saw you in the shower room together....

Ruby: Well yeah, duh! Me and Jaune are shower buddies. We're doing our part to save the environment. What, do you hate the planet or something?

Ren: *vein popping* And I heard you making sounds that no one that's not in a relationship should be making together.

Ruby: That's just the sound I make when Jaune lathered my entire body up with soap. It's natural reaction to his touch, I can't help it.

Ren: *about to lose his fucking mind* Listen here you du......

Jaune: Look Ren, I know that us being so close would make you think that. But I assure you that there's nothing going on between us we're just two good friend... And besides there's no way Ruby would like me. She's a lesbian. And she agreed to go on a date with Weiss.

Ruby: Uhm... Actually Jaune, I think I also like boy too.

Jaune: Wait, really. Are you sure?

Ruby: Yeah. It's just I haven't found the right boy to fall in love with.

Jaune: Wow. I can't believe that Ruby Rose plays for both team. *lovingly hugs her*

Ruby: Ugh! I'm not playing for both team, Jaune. If I'm in a relationship I'm only going to play for one side.

Jaune: I knew that Rubes. But if thing with Weiss doesn't work out and you finally found the right boy to fall in love with you need to introduce me to him.

Ruby: Of course Jaune... You're in my top 5 best friend after all. Right below all the rest of my teammates and Zwei.

Jaune: So I'm number five then? That's ok. At least I'm still in the top 5.

Ruby: Don't be sad Jaune. After all you're the one I trust to take me on a practice date to Montyland🎡🎠🎢

Jaune: Of course Ruby. Montyland 🎡🎠🎢 "The funnest place on earth. (TM.)" I will make sure your practice date went perfectly. Before your date with Weiss.

Ruby: Thank you for being such a good friend Jaune... Oh, and seeing you'll be my "date" for tomorrow. You'll be paying for the whole thing right?

Jaune: Of course. I've been saving just for this occasion. After all I also need the Montyland🎡🎠🎢 "date" too. So I can practice my confession for Pyhrra.

Ruby: Oh, my little blonde boy is growing up. I'm so proud of you. *rubs Jaune's head* Now take me to my room to help me pick up the clothes for our "date" Tomorrow.

Jaune: aye, aye captain! *pick Ruby up princess style*

Ren: What the fuck just happened?.....

Little did Ren knows that someone has been watching the two of them in the shadow from the very start acting all sus besides him.

Blake: So the two are finally going on a date together...

Preview of Montyland. 🎡🎠🎢 The Funnest Place on Earth(TM)

Spoiler: Ruby will have her first kiss here. Guess with who? The first one to get it right can have 1 free fic request.

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critrolestats · 1 year

Text

Media References and Puns of 3-057 The Sorrow of Molaesmyr

Thanks to @maesquirrel for this art piece!

Media References

(0:00:23) Sam: *singing* I got me a phone, it’s as big as a brick, and it’s got D&D Beyond loaded on it! (“Love Shack” by the B-52’s)

(0:00:32) Sam: I’m Fred Schneider from the B-52’s!

(0:00:59) Sam: *singing* Like a rock lobster barbarian from hell!

(0:04:32) Matt: Like the massive real life Drizzt one.

(0:04:35) Liam: Did you ever see Dinner at My House?

(0:12:52) Sam: Made some sort of Rube Goldberg contraption?

(0:13:04) Travis: It’s so Odyssey of the Mind, I’m so proud of you right now.

(0:21:00) Sam: *singing* Round here. (by Counting Crows)

(0:29:28) Laura: I think you mean Lorraine. Aabria: Lorraine Hambrick-Zucker, give me strength.

(0:32:11) Travis: If only I finished that Rosetta Stone course.

(0:37:35) Travis: We’re better than “The Last of Us.”

(0:42:01) Aabria: Elk can’t turn left. Matt: What is this? A town for elves? (Zoolander)