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zenaidamacrouras1 · 1 year

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Writing Modern Steve Roger's Health Issues: A compendium

AKA How do Steve Rogers' MCU canon illnesses hold up in a modern setting?

I am writing something that is SO NICHE and so NERDY I feel absolutely, positively deviant about it. Who knew you could have this much fun while eating a burrito and sitting in the sun on your back porch?

OKAY! This one goes out to all of you writing modern AU's with a modern Steve Rogers. (There are literally dozens of us!). Let's go.

So, I find it somewhat problematic when people write disabled or otherwise medically complicated characters and are wishy-washy about the diagnosis they have. In real life, everyone I know with ongoing medical issues is a fucking expert on their exact shit. A great tumblr reference for disabled characters is Cripple Characters, but I also use reddit threads to read about people’s day to day experiences with different issues in their own words. If nothing else, just decide what your character has and take ten minutes and read through a basic website article about it.

So let's walk through what modern Steve's medical history and diagnoses might be. If you feel like I missed any details or got things wrong, happy to have comments to that end.

We'll start with the list of “ailments,” going with the MCU canon and combining the images from the museum exhibit and screen shots of Steve’s enlistment forms:

Asthma

Scoliosis

Fallen arches

Partial deafness

Scarlet Fever, Rheumatic Fever

Heart arrhythmia

High blood pressure

Palpitation or pounding in heart

Easy fatigability

Stomach ulcers

Pernicious anemia

Nervous trouble of any sort

Sinusitis

Chronic or frequent colds

Caveat: I am not a doctor, but I am a person who enjoys reading medical journal articles about illnesses I do and don’t have. The human body is a fascinating and terrible place to live. Talk to me about your medical complications - I will always find them interesting. I love small talk about Crohn’s disease and/or extremely graphic details about the time you had surgery because one of your wrist bones was the wrong length.

Sucks To Your Assmar: Asthma! How has asthma changed?

Kids who have their asthma well managed at a young age are going to have less scarring and lung damage (this is called airway remodeling). Thus a modern kid will likely have less severe asthma than a kid born in Steve’s time. Further, allergy medicines got way better from the 1990s, so kids with allergy induced asthma would have had fewer attacks. Fewer attacks as kids = less severe asthma as they age.

I would also note that asthma is highly connected to environmental issues. If Steve grew up in a house with cigarette smoke, cockroaches, rats, or mold present, as is fairly easy to imagine, especially without dehumidifiers in a swampy Brooklyn summer, those are environmental factors that would have made his asthma much worse.

They are also all factors that kids today certainly face, depending on how you write your modern Steve’s childhood. While people today certainly can have very severe asthma, it’s also entirely possible that modern Steve’s relationship to his asthma is pretty chill and easy to manage. (My partner has relatively severe asthma with a lot of environmental triggers; modern allergy medicine was a big game changer.)

Let’s talk about scoliosis ~~

There are a lot of variations to how scoliosis impacts people. I have very minor scoliosis and it's barely a thing in my life. I’m not trying to speak for everyone, but for what it’s worth, there are professional athletes with spinal fusion. I used Kyra Condie as my justification for writing climbing coach post-spinal fusion small Steve Rogers in one fic. My younger brother and best friend in high school both had spinal fusions.

In reality the athletic and physical abilities of people with spinal fusion vary pretty much exactly as much as people without spinal fusion, so you have a lot of leeway for how you decide to write a character with scoliosis. I recommend reddit threads to read about people talking about how their bodies felt before and after spinal fusion, or why they decided not to have the surgery, if you want to get a sense of how it might affect your character’s day to day life.

Wait, so how tall is modern small Steve Rogers?

You can see in this article that gains in height post scoliosis corrective surgery/spinal fusion varies, but the mean was 27 mm (1 inch) and the maximum was 66 mm (2.5 inches).

The more severe the curve in the spine, the more height gained with surgery.

We know Steve had scoliosis, we don’t know how severe it was (do we?). But if he was 5’4” without spinal fusion, and with all of his childhood fevers, and possible poor nutrition due to the Great Depression and untreated stomach ulcers, then it’s very reasonable that a modern Steve raised with proper nutrition and his gastrointestinal issues (see below!) properly treated and a spinal fusion could be easily 1-10 inches taller.

I think it’s great if you want to write modern Small Steve as 5’4” - but I tend to write him as 5’7” or so.

I think it is entirely likely that a modern Steve Rogers could end up being 6 feet tall given modern medical intervention and a healthy digestive system and adequate nutrition. As an example of how people with more or less the same genetics having different heights due to environmental factors, I know of one family of four brothers that immigrated from Italy in the 40s. Their height was 100% correlated to their age when they moved to the US/started having access to food: the oldest brother was around 5’4” and the youngest around 6 feet. The oldest was also a chain smoker and worked full time from around age 8, so you know, he was a fucking badass 5'4" Italian guy, if that's not clear.

What about fallen arches?

Fun story, but I have fallen arches/flat feet and had a lot of foot pain as a kid, but I thought it was normal. I wear custom orthotics and/or birkenstocks and do exercises to strengthen my feet muscles and it's fine now as long as I remember to do the things I just mentioned. My dad had to have multiple surgeries on his feet, so I think it helped that they caught it earlier in me.

Should I write modern non-serum Steve as deaf?

Maybe! I think it’s lovely when people write characters with hearing issues. There are great blogs that cover ways to do that well (a good link, another one, and another one and I think this one on hearing aids is particularly good if you are trying to bring in subtle day to day routine differences a character that wears hearing aids may have. Another great option is, again, reddit, especially for questions around how sexual intimacy might vary in small ways that can be nice to bring in. (I am working on a fic with a seeing character whose ex is blind and also read a lot of couples first hand experience with sexual intimacy around that dynamic on reddit).

But how likely is it that modern Steve would be deaf?

I think that it’s reasonably likely that Steve’s hearing issues were a result of Scarlet Fever, which is a bacterial infection that can result in rheumatic fever, an inflammatory condition that develops in more severe cases of scarlet fever.

Scarlet fever caused deafness - in fact, both Helen Keller and Thomas Edison had hearing loss due to scarlet fever infections. Further, sustained fevers of over 104 degrees can also cause hearing loss, so there is a reasonable chance that some other fever caused Steve’s hearing issues.

Today, the kind of hearing loss caused by fevers and infections can usually be surgically repaired or never occur because we have better antibiotics and better medicines to treat fevers. However, I have a friend who has partial hearing loss and lots of other life long nervous system and fatigue issues due to complications from childhood chicken pox in the 80s (this vaccine came around in 1995).

I don’t know if it’s canon or fanfiction, but I often see Steve as having one bad ear. For what it’s worth, hearing loss in one ear is much less common than hearing loss in both ears.

However, potential causes of hearing loss in one ear are infections that result in a high fever and some kind of head trauma, both of which are easy to imagine would have affected a Steve born in 1918, and while possible in a modern Steve, also easier to avoid.

Heart Stuff: Heart arrhythmia, High blood pressure, Palpitation of pounding in heart, Easy fatigability

The aforementioned fevers that can cause hearing loss can also cause heart issues. I think it’s reasonably likely that Steve’s heart issues were from his fevers as a young kid, but I often write him with a congenital heart defect, because why not?

These days, most of the time, such issues are detected at or before birth and fixed when the person is a baby, but there are plenty of heart issues that can require multiple heart surgeries at various points. Regardless, a modern Steve would most likely either have had access to corrective surgery or medication to manage these heart conditions. Which is not to say that he wouldn’t suffer mental and physical trauma from this medical complication.

There are plenty of professional athletes you can find who have all of the above heart issues. And plenty of people with heart issues who have no interest in being professional athletes, so like, follow your bliss.

Digestive System Stuff: Easy fatigability, Stomach ulcers, Pernicious anemia

I have easy fatigability under heart stuff too, because lots of shit can make you tired.

My personal head canon is that Steve Rogers has celiac disease and/or lactose intolerance, it would cause all of the above. Both can also lead to poor growth - in fact falling off growth charts is one of the most common symptoms of celiac disease in children.

While people have been aware of celiac disease since there were people, gluten wasn’t identified as the clear cause till the 50s.

I typically write modern Steve with some kind of food allergy, and I think that addresses quite a few of his canon medical complications.

Because so many causes of this category of symptoms are relatively easily solved with modern medical intervention/avoiding the problem, I would point folks towards Crohn’s disease if you are looking to write a modern character with medical issue that is more likely to be an ongoing source of similar medical complications today.

(Also, kids with Crohn’s are likely to have reduced height. I have a friend who has Crohn's whose 3 siblings are well over 6 feet and he is around 5'8" (so 4-6 inches aka 11+ cm shorter due to his severe childhood illness).)

Nervous trouble of any sort

Kids with medical complications and food allergies are much more likely to have anxiety. I’m so proud of all the kids making it through the day with anxiety. Luff you anxiety kids, I see you working twice as hard to be present as the non-anxious kids. Tough as hell. Give yourself a high five. I’m so damn proud of you.

Sinusitis and Frequent colds

I mean, god bless modern decongestants and allergy meds. Celiac disease and lactose intolerance can both cause sinus issues, so here is another one of Steve's ailments that can be "cured" through that diagnosis.

Other stuff

When you look at the above, you can see a lot of scenarios where modern era Steve, like many children/adults today, had multiple surgeries and serious and scary health complications as a child, but as an adult would appear as a relatively healthy able bodied person, with the possibility of even becoming a top athlete if he was so inclined. It’s also likely that some issues like chronic fatigue etc, might linger into adulthood as relatively invisible illnesses that nonetheless affect his everyday.

In some ways his character arc given the advances of modern medicine could mimic his arc due to the serum.

Being medically complicated as a kid sucks. Even if you have surgeries to treat and/or learn how to live with things like Crohn’s and celiac and reduce flare ups, lingering mental health trauma can have an impact.

Lastly and most importantly, I have a personal headcanon that young Steve Rogers of any era spent a lot of time sick in bed and staring into a mirror learning how to raise one eyebrow and perform other eyebrow gymnastics so he could more effectively sass his nurses.

IN CONCLUSION:

I think it's actually reasonable for an author to say, "My modern Steve never had any fevers, and got his severe lactose intolerance diagnosed as a baby, and had good nutrition, had medications/clean environment that prevented his asthma."

So this Steve is 6 feet tall and healthy as long as he doesn't eat dairy and takes his daily zyrtec (cetirizine - it's an allergy med). The only medical issue he has from canon left is scoliosis, flat feet, and an astigmatism.

You can also choose to write a Steve with more complex medical issues, and there are lots of things that can be good and interesting and value about that. I think the main thing is to pick a diagnosis and write it realistically, hopefully this helps some with that!

#stucky fanfiction #smol steve #writing disability #steve roger #pre serum steve rogers #modern steve rogers #honestly whats wrong with me #I don't even know but I feel like I'm dealing with my mental illnesses well enough and I had fun writing this #meta #headcanon #stony fanfiction

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gyokujyn · 1 month

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CATWS 10th Anniversary | March 31st » Prompts: Department of Veterans Affairs for @catws-anniversary

a loving homage to A Softer World and @asofteravenger

I finished this one and had to make a bonus Stucky version:

#marvel mcu #catws10 #sam wilson #samriley #a softer world #a softer avenger #remix #the graveyard of our memories #jyn makes stuff #stucky #pre serum steve rogers #bucky barnes #winter soldier #all our mausoleums have eyes #bonus pain!#for fun!

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deliciousangelfestival · 10 months

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My Problematic Girl - Chapter 1

Character: College!Steve Rogers x Rich!Female Reader

Prologue: Steve has lived being nobody in this prestigious university. He just wants to graduate and get a job to get more money to pay the bills for his mother's surgery.

But his life turned upside when a new student attended his class. His quiet and dull life became dangerous and full of surprises.

×××

She exhaled the cigarette smoke from her lips. She still doesn’t care even though he told her he has asthma.

She looked at Steve and said, “Bark for me.”

Steve felt humiliated, and his pride was crushed. But she held his life and secrets. He had to bury his dignity to the ground, and he murmured,

“Woof.”

******

I would appreciate any comments and feedback you can give me.

If you want to be tagged in this series, please tell me.

Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3, Chapter 4, Chapter 5 , Chapter 6 , Chapter 7 ,Chapter 8 , Chapter 9,-

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Pine trees, old gates, red bricks, this is the same view Steve saw every day for the past two years at Stark University he attended as an art student.

He always remembered the moment he got a scholarship and was accepted to this prestigious university.

It was the first time he felt alive.

He thought when his problem with tuition had been solved, he could enjoy being a university student compared to high school.

But it turned out to be the same. Every student here is super rich; they come to uni with their sports car, or their driver drives them to uni.

They live differently from Steve, who has to work different types of part-time jobs to get more money and pay hospital bills for his mother.

On the first day of class, the way rich kids look at Steve when they see him walk into the class, they know he doesn’t have the same life standards as them.

Steve tried to be friendly with them; they were nice at first. But he realised they were using his talents to do their work. They treat him like, ‘It’s a privilege to hang out with us; you should be grateful.’

Since then, Steve decided it was better to be a loner. With only eight months left, he will graduate and no longer have to meet these people. His footsteps stop in front of the class door.

"Did you watch the game last night?"

"You bet, and guess what? I sat with the club owner."

“Girls, my dad got us the ticket for that concert.”

That’s what Steve heard every day in his class. He couldn’t join the conversation because of his financial status.

Steve took the headphones from his pockets and put them on his ears. No one even bothered to say Hi when he walked into the classroom.

That’s good because if one of his classmates greets him, they want Steve to do their work. It’s better to be invisible or a wallflower.

He went to his table, dropped the old canvas backpack, and took out the sketchbook.

Since Steve was a kid, drawing was the only way for him to escape from reality. He forgot how his abused father, sick mother and snobby classmates were.

While drawing, Steve heard one of the female students start gossiping. One of the nice perks of being invisible, he could get a lot of gossip in this university.

“My father met the chancellor yesterday and heard a new student will join this class.”

“Before one semester to graduate? That’s unbelievable, but how?”

“I heard she’s close with Tony Stark. I guess one of his young girlfriends?”

“No, euuh.”

All the gossipers start laughing like they are better than anyone. But Steve agreed with one thing, what kind of person could attend a class last semester?

Suddenly the class door opened, and it was Prof. Abraham Erskine; before he walked into the room, he turned back and signalled, ‘Wait’.

He put his documents on his table and looked at his students. “Guys, you have new friends. Please be nice to her, alright?”

“Yeah.”

“Perfect.” Prof.Erskine clapped his hands once and waved his hand towards the person behind the door. “Come in.”

The rumour is true; a new student is joining the class.

Everyone could see her arrogant attitude when she walked into the room.

But the way she dressed from head to toe took the attention of every female student.

One of the females who sat in front of Steve whispered to her friend, “Did she wear those shoes to class, and that watch… cost more than this class tuition.”

“Who is she? If she were in the socialite club, I would’ve known.”

“Her name is Y/N L/N; starting today, she will study with us until last semester.” Prof.Erskine looked at Y/N and said, “Please be nice and don’t make trouble in my class.”

Everyone gasped when they heard their Professor beg this one student.

“Shit, she’s that bit*h.”

Steve turned to one male student who immediately closed his mouth.

“Who?”

“Remember that chaotic night at the H club? She kicked one of the guests to the table. She didn’t even apologise and continued her drink.”

“Ohh, I heard a drunk guy won't leave the female guest. She kinda helps the victim.”

"I remember she went to the same school as me. She kicked a teacher to the window and threw the table at him."

"She didn't get in any trouble?"

“Her father is the CEO of a Law Firm."

"Her parents gave her a penthouse, and I heard she always held amazing parties."

"That's cool. We should ask her later to hang out with us."

Steve shook his head; how fast their opinion changed when they knew she had money.

Prof. Erskine didn’t bother with his students, who kept whispering. He told Y/N, “You could sit near the window with that boy. His name is Steve.”

Y/N nodded and went to the chair where the Professor pointed his finger. Everyone in the class stops talking and watches her whenever she walks. Their eyes are looking in Steve's direction.

Their gaze made him nervous; today was not his lucky day. He lowered his head and continued sketching.

Nothing happened when she sat beside him. Steve thought he had to greet and introduce himself. But it’s unnecessary because she grabs a tablet and wireless headphones and starts playing games.

Everyone widened their eyes; the audacity of her being impolite and arrogant was on another level.

What Steve had in mind, ‘Ah, another rich kid.’

Professor Erskine didn’t even bother; he opened his laptop and set up the projector. “We will continue the study of Leonardo Da Vinci of his … … …”

Steve looked to the front,t but then he glanced at the new student. Before, she played games, and now she reads online comic books.

'Wait, did she read it from that website?'

She looked at him and caught him off guard. Steve nodded his head and looked back to the front. His face felt hot because that was embarrassing.

After the class ended, the first person who stood up after the Professor left was Y/N. A few people tried to approach her, but Y/N replied to them by saying, "Get lost."

Steve was confused; on the first day, Y/N had started to make an enemy. She could quickly join the clique if she wanted to, but it doesn’t seem like she cares.

‘Bzzt.’

Steve opened the message on his phone that said, “New 24 pages. Do you want to take the job?”

He immediately typed, “Yes.” It's an offer for extra money; Steve wouldn't say no.

“Steve, I have to talk about your final project.” Professor. Erskine asked him. For their final, every student has to make an exhibition. Usually, universities will provide a warehouse for students.

But now their curriculum has changed; the uni wants the students to find the place for their exhibition independently.

Almost all the students have no problem with this except Steve. He couldn't even afford his rent. How can he get money to rent a place just for one day?

That's why Prof. Erskine asked Steve about a sponsor.

“Have you found the sponsor?"

"Not yet, sir."

Steve gulped, he wanted to ask, but he didn't know anyone willing to give their money to sponsor an art student.

Prof. Erskine sighed. "I hope you will find a sponsor during the winter break, Steve. I know you will." He carried all his stuff and left the classroom.

Steve sighed heavily; he wished he knew one person with money.

Then he saw the new student, Y/N, looking at his sketchbook. He grabbed the book from her hand.

“Ah, sorry.” He wanted to scold her, but Steve didn’t expect her to apologise. He put the sketchbook into his bag and gathered all his stuff to leave.

“Wait.”

Steve's body stopped when he heard that. Then he saw Y/N grabbed her wallet and took an old photo. She shows it to him. It's a small photo in black and white colour, the paper also being crumpled or folded many times. When he saw it, he noticed the woman in the photo looked like Y/N.

“Could you draw her to be 40 years old? In this photo, she’s 25 years old. I saw your drawing. The way you do the shadow and wrinkles is nice.”

Steve doesn't know how to feel since he never got a compliment from his classmates.

“You won’t do it for free, of course. I will pay for it. Please?”

Steve takes a good look at her face. When she talks like this, it doesn’t seem like the same person from the class. And she asked nicely, and she was willing to pay.

“Ok.”

“Great, I will give you the deposit first.” She took $200 hundred from her pocket and handed it to Steve's hands.

His hands tremble because his drawing would only cost around $75. This money is enough to pay for groceries for a month.

"Uhm, it's too much." Steve felt guilty if he took the money. He handed back the money to her.

His act made Y/N quiet for a while; he thought she was mad at him, and she probably felt offended, but instead, she said, "No, for her, it's worth it."

When she said those words, Steve could feel the sadness in her voice. He doesn't know the meaning behind the story, but he will do his best to draw the photo.

"I will finish this in 3 days."

"That fast?"

Her question made him curious, is she an art student?

"Are you-?"

"Y/N!!!"

Before Steve asks her, someone yells her name. He turned back and saw the chancellor of Stark University, Tony Stark.

It's difficult to meet him, even though there are only two places to find him: the engineering lab or a nightclub. He's a famous playboy but also a genius.

So, to make him come by to this building is fantastic. And he's here for Y/N.

Is the rumour true that she's Tony's side chick?

"Nice to meet you, Steve. See you tomorrow." Y/N smiled at Steve and went to Tony.

He saw both of them walking together. Perhaps the rumour may be true.

Steve shook his head; it was not even his business. He should go home quickly and start drawing since he got two jobs today.

When he gets home, he turns on his old PC, grabs his drawing tablet and opens the storyboard he received.

Steve clicked his tongue; as a freelance artist, he can't say no to his client, but his morals get tested every time he gets a new storyboard from the client.

His work is drawing for Hentai comics. Some people see this as disgusting, but some people will like it. And Steve works with the people who are willing to pay. He will receive any request from the website called www.readwithme.com

This is the biggest secret he kept if anyone from the university knew his work. He could get dropped out. He even kept it from his best friend, Bucky.

He carefully picks a secret name and uses another email so no one will figure him out. His ID is VioletDust18.

Many people have read his works and subscribed to the story. He doesn't get paid much, but it's enough to pay the bills and rent...

He already got the rough sketch and opened the reference to start drawing. Steve didn't feel aroused when he looked at the photo or storyboard.

When the clock showed 9.00 p.m, Steve finished three pages. He stopped when he felt hungry. He opened up his wallet and saw $200. Today he will order a food delivery to treat himself, and tomorrow, he will buy groceries.

Suddenly Y/N appeared in his mind. He is grateful that she pays more than enough. But one thing that worries him is that she opens the website with Steve’s artwork.

She seems like not an art student. She probably wouldn't notice.

Yeah, it's better if she didn't notice, and after he's done with her request, she will ignore him.

Thank you for reading. I hope you like it.

If you have any feedbacks or want to join the tagged list, you can tell me.

I will always be grateful for those who reblog. Thank you so much.

Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3, Chapter 4, Chapter 5 , Chapter 6, Chapter 7 ,Chapter 8 , Chapter 9,-

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#steve rogers imagine #steve rogers x reader #steve rogers x y/n #steve rogers au #steve rogers x f!reader #steve rogers x you #steve rogers fanfiction #chris evans characters #college!steve rogers #pre serum steve x reader #pre serum steve #pre serum steve rogers

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estelior · 19 days

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Ballet!AU that no one asked for, but here we are :D

#stucky #stevebucky #otp: till the end of the line #bucky barnes #steve rogers #pre serum steve rogers #skinny!steve #my art #steve x bucky #ballet!au

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isa-belle1367 · 20 days

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His loser personality, sad eyes, and tragic demeanor have bewitched me.

#this is about so many people #castiel #desmond miles #nico di angelo #I LOVE NICO SO MUCH #jacob frye #walker during the adam project #he is so adorable in that movie🥲#bucky barnes #pre serum steve rogers

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murkycrush · 1 year

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Happy Halloween~ I wanted to dress Stucky in Princess Bride costumes. 🎃Support me on Ko-fi | Print Shop | Commissions🎃

#stucky #stevebucky #princess bride #steve rogers #bucky barnes #stucky au #stucky halloween #fanart #captain america #pre serum steve rogers #prince buttercup

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marie-swriting · 1 year

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A Respectable Man - Steve Rogers

Marvel Masterlist

Summary : You're currently walking home while you try to get rid of a man who has been pestering you for a few minutes, fortunately near you, there's another man who hates bullies.

Warnings : pre-serum Steve Rogers, set in the 40's, street harassement, fighting, police officer not listening to reader, fluffy end, maybe some grammatical mistakes as English is not my first language, tell me if you see some or if I missed any warnings !

Word count : 3.1k

French version

You’re currently walking home whilst you try not to show your annoyance to the man next to you. He hasn’t been leaving your side for the last ten minutes although you’re not showing any ounce of interest in what he’s saying. At first, you had replied to his “hello” out of courtesy, but you hadn’t planned on having a conversation with him, or anyone else for that matter. You just want to go home in peace. However, according to him, your mutism indicates you’re interested in his stories. Since he arrived, you try not to show you’re being uneasy, however if one paid attention to you, they could tell you’re wishing you were far away from him.

You don’t dare voicing he’s bothering you, worried about his potential reaction. Nonetheless, you change your mind once he sets his arm around your shoulders. At that point, your patience reaches its breaking point. You try to break the embrace, only causing him to tighten his grip on you.

“Pardon me, but could you let me go, please ? We don’t know each other.”

“We can rectify that, doll face.”, he affirms with a crooked grin, “Let’s get to know each other better, let’s go dancing tonight !”

“No thanks.” you refuse outright, hoping he’ll leave you alone.

“Why ?”

When you hear his protest, you prevent yourself from sighing in frustration. Why do you always have to justify your ‘no’ ? Can’t he see he’s bugging you ?

“I can’t.”

“Oh, playing hard to get, I see. Like it.”, he mutters with a cocky look on his face, “Come on, doll face, you aren’t gonna regret it. Take a chance on me, you’ll see, I’m the man of your dreams.”

This time, you lightly roll your eyes, visible enough to show your irritation, yet not enough for him to notice, apparently. Furthermore, his pet name, ‘doll face’, is slowly getting on your nerves. He doesn’t know you, yet he acts as if he could do everything he wants with you. Understanding he’s not about to give up, you think of a lie and pray it’ll work.

“Unfortunately for you, I already found the man of my dreams. I’m engaged.”

“Weird, I don’t see any rings on your finger.” the man retorts, pointing at your left hand.

“It’s,” you start while thinking, “it’s because the ring my fiancé offered me is not the right size. It’s a family heirloom and we need to bring it to the jeweller to alter it. Also, I’m currently on my way to meet my fiancé to do it. If you’ll excuse me.” you finish before trying to leave but he comes in front of you.

“Let me walk you, doll face. Like that, I’ll be able to check if he exists, ‘your fiancé’.”

“I’m telling the truth.” you snap.

“No need to get all angry, smile a little ! Come on, a dame like you needs a man, you can say it, you need to be protected.”

“I don’t need protection, thank you. Leave me alone, now.” you state and attempt to get away again when he grabs your arm.

“You, women, are all…”

“Hey ! She told you to leave her alone.”

After hearing a voice behind you, you and the man look above your shoulder and see Steve’s frail body, making you happy in an instant. You might not know Steve, but if he can help you get rid of the man in front of you, you’ll happily accept his help.

“Who the hell are you ? Don’t tell me that is your fiancé.” the man asks, showing Steve and offending you at the same time.

“Actually, he is. Is that a problem with you ?”

“Doll face,” he scoffs, “your fiance is 147 pounds of pale skin and fragile bone. With one blow of wind, he’ll fly away as he doesn’t have any muscle in him. He’ll never be good enough for you, he's not a real man.”

“Physical strength doesn’t matter to me.”, you retort, completely angry, “I’m with my fiancé, who is real as you can see, so leave me alone now.”

“She told you several times to leave her be, so you should go.” Steve insists, standing next to you.

“Listen, shorty, this is a conversation between me and her. She’s attracted to me, she doesn’t want to admit it ‘cause she pities you.”

“Yet, I feel like she’s been trying to get rid of you for the past five minutes, if not more.”

“Women are all the same, they always pretend they don’t want you when they do.”, the man justifies as if it was obvious, “I mean, how could you know ? By just looking at you, I can tell women don't pay attention to you.”

“I forbid you from telling him this kind of thing !” you yell.

“I’m just stating a fact, doll face.”

“Stop calling her that, she’s not an object. You should leave.”

As he’s talking, Steve stands in front of the man, becoming some kind of your personal shield. Despite the height difference, Steve doesn’t show an ounce of hesitation in his body language. The man rolls his eyes before setting them back on Steve with an annoyed look on his face.

“I’m getting sick of you, shorty.”

Without having the time to react, the man hits Steve in the face. You scream when you see his body falling on the ground. With difficulty, Steve gets back on his feet and gets in position, ready to attack the man. He tries to punch him however the man grabs his collar and throws him on a shop wall nearby. Some people passing by stop in their tracks, watching the scene without doing anything. Panicked, you look around, searching for help when you see a police officer walking down the street oblivious to what’s happening a few feet away from him. You run to him and call him. The officer turns around and frowns as he hears the fear in your voice. You explain to him briefly there’s a fight and point to where it is. He doesn’t answer you and runs to Steve and the bully. He separates them by holding the man back whilst you crouch down in front of Steve. You put your hands on his wounded face. You look at the several cuts and nascent bruises. Steve tries to smile to reassure you but your eyes are still full of worry. You help Steve to stand up and apologise to him profusely at the same time.

“What is going on here ? Explain yourselves right now, sirs !” the policeman demands.

“It’s not his fault.”, you answer, pointing at Steve, “He came to help me because this man”, you add, showing the one he’s holding, “wouldn’t leave me alone, despite my complaints. He’s the one who hit first.”

“So, what has happened ?”

You’re astounded when you hear the police officer repeating the question, you just explained to him the situation.

“Like she said,” Steve starts, “she needed help so I intervened.”

“There he goes with his fancy words, “she needed help”. She was flirting back ! He just ruined everything.”

“I don’t think her saying ‘no’ several times meant she was flirting back.”

“Enough !” the policeman interrupts, “Young man, you’re coming to the police station with me.”, he says, tightening his grip on the man, “As for you two, you are free to go. Show’s over.”

The improvised audience goes about their business again whilst watching the officer dragging the man behind him, this latter keeps unleashing his irritation toward you and Steve. You try to not pay attention to it, especially when you hear the various insults thrown both at you and Steve. You need a minute to regain your composure, still in shock the situation worsen this fast. Once you’re breathing normally again, you set your eyes on Steve and see him trying to wipe away some blood dripping off his nose. You take your handkerchief from your purse and give it to him. He accepts it and cleans it as best as he can.

“Is everything okay ?” Steve asks you and you look at him with your eyes wide open.

“I should be the one asking you that ! Your face is all wounded.”

“Don’t worry about me.”, he dismisses, “Do you feel like going home on your own or you wish I walk with you ?”

“I’ll be okay, thank you.”

“Very well, so I shouldn’t be bothering you much longer. Enjoy the rest of your day, miss.” he bids you goodbye before starting walking away.

“Wait ! You don’t think of walking home alone, do you ?”, you hold him back, going next to him, “God only knows how much this man hurt you, I wouldn’t want you to lose consciousness on your way. I’m walking with you.”

“You don’t have to.”

“I insist. After all, it’s my fault you got hurt. It’s the least I can do to thank you…”, you justify, leaving your sentence up in the air so he can tell you his name.

“Steve Rogers.”

“Y/N Y/L/N. Nice to meet you, despites the circumstances.”

At first, you start walking in silence. You don’t know how to start the conversation, embarrassed you’re the cause of Steve's wounds. As for him, he doesn’t know what to say, having little, to not say none, experience with women. He tries to put himself in Bucky’s shoes, hoping to find the right words while respecting your boundaries, wanting to avoid doing like the other man. Finally, you’re the one who breaks the silence a few minutes later.

“I apologise for the whole story of you being my fiancé and all. I just needed something to back up my lie.”

“It’s okay.”

“I hope you don’t give too much to what he told you, by the way.”

“You mean when he said I don’t have any muscle ? He was telling the truth.”

“When he said you weren’t a real man.”, you specify, “It’s this kind of man who isn’t a real one. They always act tough, act as if they knew better than us about what we want when they’re not even able to understand the meaning of ‘no’. Contrary to him, you understand it, it should be the bare minimum to do, but I don’t know a lot of men who pay attention to what we say. Besides, you came to help while others would have looked away.”

“I’m sure, if it wouldn’t have been me, someone else would have come.” Steve contradicts you.

“I doubt it. This kind of situation has happened to me several times already and every time, I have to handle it alone. And as you could see, some police officers don’t take us seriously before another man backs up our story. So, sincerely, thank you for coming, although I’m sure you’re regretting it now.”

“I would have come either way. I hate bullies. I couldn’t stay put without doing anything.” he affirms genuinely.

“We’d need more men like you, Steve.”

Once you finish your sentence, you’re finally at his. You stay at his apartment block entrance, an awkward silence taking place again. Steve ignores if you want to come into his home with him or if you want to leave right away. As for you, you don’t know if you can leave him here or if you can accompany him to his door without having him think you’re a mother-hen. Observing Steve with attention, you realise you find him pretty cute. You wish you could get to know each other better. You’re about to say something when an unknown voice beats you to it.

“Hey, punk !”

Instantanely, you get tense, fearing the appearance of another man looking for trouble. Noticing the change in your posture, Steve reassures you.

“Don’t worry, it’s only my best friend.”

“Oh, okay.”

“What is it, jerk ?”

Bucky is about to retort something when he sees Steve’s face. He sighs in frustration and rolls his eyes.

“Don’t tell me you caused a fight.”

“It’s my fault, actually.”, you intervene, “A man didn’t want to leave me alone and Steve stepped in.”

As soon as he sees you, Bucky can’t help but do his best charming smile.

“For once, it was for a good reason, then. Bucky Barnes, miss.” he introduces himself and kisses the back of your hand.

“Y/N Y/L/N, nice to meet you. What do you mean by ‘for once’ ?” you question him, confused.

“Steve, over there, has the bad habit of always looking for fights.”

“You shouldn’t do it, Steve. You’re better than that.”

“Thank you !” Bucky exclaims with an insistent look in Steve’s way. “I hope he’ll finally listen to reason.”

“Do you need help to clean your wounds ?” you ask Steve with a worried look.

“No, thank you, I can do it. You should go home, you made a detour to bring me back home.”

“Very well, then. Again, thank you, Steve. If there’s anything I can do to pay you back, don’t hesitate.”, you announce with a smile, “Have a nice evening, take care.”

You nod in Bucky’s direction as a goodbye and leave the two men. Steve looks at you walking away whilst Bucky analyses his best friend’s face. A knowing smile takes place on his visage as he realises you caught his eyes. Once Steve can’t see you anymore, he turns his attention back to Bucky. He frowns when he sees his friend’s facial expression.

“What ?”

“You’re totally smitten by her.”

“Not at all.”, Steve contradicts, “I helped her like I would have done with everyone else.”

“That, I can believe, you’ll cause a fight just because someone would be breathing too loudly, but I had never seen you looking at a woman like that before.”

“She’s pretty, I can’t deny it, but that’s it. Besides, I could look at her like that, like you said, the fact is she probably wouldn’t do the same.” he affirms, the man’s words echoing in his mind, in spite of himself.

“You clearly didn’t pay attention to her eyes. I’m sure if I hadn’t come, you would have even gotten a kiss on your cheek before she goes. She almost didn’t pay attention to me.”

“Yeah, sure.”, Steve laughs, not believing it, “Anyway, let’s go home. I need to take care of this.” he finishes pointing at his face.

A week later, you’re in front of Steve’s door. You’re holding an apple pie you made earlier. You make sure your tart and outfit are perfect before knocking. You tighten your grip on your pie, worried about Steve’s reaction. When he appears in front of you, he’s surprised at first to see you, then he smiles fondly. As for you, you can’t help but look at the evolution of his wounds. His black eye is almost healed and his other cuts are more or less visible. You clear your throat before speaking.

“Hello, Steve,” you start, embarrassed, “Sorry to bother you, I just wanted to come and thank you properly, for last time, so I made you this.”, you inform, holding the tart to him, “I’m not an unparalleled baker but my pies are usually pretty good.”

“You didn’t have to do it, your ‘thank you’ was enough.”

“Maybe, but I wanted to. I hope you’ll like it.”

“I’m sure of it.” he assures you.

“I have to go. I hope I’ll see you around to have your opinion.” you smile.

“I hope, too.”

Without thinking, you take a step forward and press your lips against his left cheek. Taken aback, he doesn’t react. You smile at him one last time before leaving, waving at him whilst Steve stays on the doorstep. He doesn’t move for a minute until Bucky appears behind him with a taunting smile on his face.

“You had it, your perfect opportunity to ask her out on a date.”, he specifies, making a reference to an old conversation, “Well, while I wait for you to come back on Earth, I’m gonna take this,” Bucky adds, taking the pie from Steve’s hands, “and taste it.”

Surprisingly, Steve doesn’t react, still thinking of your lips on his cheek. Bucky has the time to go back to the kitchen and take a knife before Steve snaps out of it and forbids his friend to touch his pie.

You went to give your pie to Steve two weeks ago. Since then, you haven’t seen him again. You don’t delude yourself. You met Steve by accident for the first time and he doesn’t know your address so your only option to see him again would be to go back to his place although you don’t want to appear as the clingy girl. Therefore, you're pretty sure you’ll never get to know him properly.

You’re walking to the bookshop near your place when you hear someone trying to catch your attention. Guessing it must be some random man, you only roll your eyes and keep walking. However, when Steve is in front of you, panting, you stop in your tracks. Steve starts breathing normally slowly whereas you look at him, worried, and notice there are only one or two wounds on his face you can see at first sight. When you’re sure he’s okay, after he stands up straight again, your eyes are full of joy.

“Steve, I hadn’t noticed you over there !”

“It’s okay. I should have known you wouldn’t turn around when you’d hear my voice. I just wanted to tell you, your pie was delicious.”, he confesses and you smile. “I even had to hide it from my best friend to make sure I’ll eat it entirely.”

“If he wants to, I can bake him one. Glad to know you liked it.”

Looking at Steve more closely, you see he has something else in mind, but he doesn’t dare to tell you.

“Is this everything you wanted to tell me ?” you interrogate with a soft voice.

“No, actually.”, he answers before not saying anything for a second, “Listen, I know we don’t really know each other, but I wanted to ask you if you’d like to go to the movies with me someday. Obviously, you can decline ! You don’t have to say ‘yes’.”

“I’d be happy to.”, you state, making him smile, “There’s a screening tomorrow, in the evening, would you want to go to that one ?”

“Perfect.”

Quickly, you open your bag and take a pencil and a piece of paper. As soon as you finish writing, you give it to Steve.

“This is my address.”, you explain as he takes the paper, “You can come pick me up at six P.M. ? This way, we could go to a café before going to the movies.” you propose, hopeful.

“I’ll be there.”

You want to kiss his cheek again, yet you don’t do anything, the presence of the people walking by holding you back. You only smile at him warmly before walking away, your stomach filled with joy because, on top of seeing him again, you got a date with a respectable man.

Marvel Masterlist

{This is my side blog so I'll be answering comments under the username @marie-sworld}

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ontinetine · 26 days

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catws 10th anniversary fic extravaganza

blow me by AliuIce0814

Bucky knows how to treat his tiny trans boyfriend right. Steve appreciates it.

#steve rogers #bucky barnes #stucky #trans steve rogers #pre serum steve rogers #stucky fanfiction #captain america fanfiction #my fanfiction #mine #tiny steve rogers is my gender identity #they speak #catws10

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zenaidamacrouras1 · 2 months

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Hello! I have a question for you: what's your favourite thing about pre-serum Steve (as compared to post-serum, Cap Steve)? Also, I love all the small Steve art you're reblogging, Shrinkyclinks is my absolute faaaavoooourriiiite thing.

Oh hellloooo hi! Well, this is the most important question ever. I'm so glad you asked. (fans self). I am going to give you a very long boring answer, but I want to know your answer - why is shrinkyclinks your favorite? Tell me more (my chin is on my hand and I'm leaning forward eagerly).

I like that pre-serum Steve is small and disabled, and whether or not he is queer, his very existence just messes with what traditional masculinity wants a man to be.

I also really relate to Steve being the "wrong size" and I just like stories about people whose external bodies aren't the things society thought they were supposed to be. I am actually a very tall person, and often felt the wrong size for the world.

I also find slender slightly feminine men to be a personal favorite genre of man sexiness. That's an arbitrary thing that is just a feeling and nothing against every other type of man or other type of sexiness a person may exhibit or be into. I am just saying I used to sing a cover of Loretta Lynn's "You ain't woman enough to take my man" re-written as "You ain't woman enough to be my man" at open mics.

None of these reasons make any sense. They are just a vibe.

Captain America is this kind of Cinderella Story or The Ugly Duckling or whatever where the person is transformed and becomes beautiful and strong, but what if no one comes with a magic machine to help you, but you find a way to do great things as a regular version of yourself? The idea pleases me.

Lastly, I tend to write stories that fill a gap for me. I really like all versions of Steve, but a lot of people write big Steve, which I adore, but it makes me feel less of a need to write big Steve stories. Also, I do tend to see people writing pre-serum Steve as different than the official version of him that lives in my head.

And that's fine, as none of y'all want to be in my head, feel free to ignore the things in my head and write the things in your head, as you all should. But I like my small Steve who is not so glum and angry, that has a lot of dignity and a lovely sarcastic humor and is very talented at the things he puts his mind to. So I write him that way.

#I just like Steve Rogers though #zenaida talks (too much)#pre serum steve rogers #small steeb #writer asks

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jen-with-a-pen · 1 year

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If You Go, I Go

summary: It's Bucky's last night before deployment. The evening does not go the way Steve, nor Bucky, thought it would.

pairings: complicated and closeted stucky

warnings: angst, loneliness, feeling the need to sacrifice yourself for preserum!steve, pining, closeted stucky, bisexual stucky, sad steve, messing with canon and adding some of comic canon in whoops

word count: 3.1k

a/n: literally this entire thing was written directly after seeing the gif above. My brain kicked into angsty overdrive and this was born. enjoy my first fic of the new year!

Please consider reblogging my work! Reblogging helps others to be able to enjoy mine and other writers' works! Help me help you help others and reblog <3

read here on AO3! | My Masterlist

gif by @daniel-bruehl | dividers by @firefly-graphics | beta read by the lovely Jane @lunarbuck

The Expo was loud. Louder than what Steve was used to.

Everything was more than what he was used to. So much going on in so many different directions– lights, sounds, voices, smells. Overstimulated was an understatement.

He wanted to be anywhere but there, standing in front of the open-air Science Expo. His clammy hands were stuffed into his wool pockets while he tried not to heave, fending off yet another anxiety attack. He only wanted Bucky.

But, for the pièce de résistance, Bucky invited Bonnie and Connie to join them, two doe-eyed gals in pretty skirts and zero interest in anything else. How Steve saw them, though, were two strangers hanging off of Bucky’s arms, vying for a kiss from the Sergeant.

The thought of it made Steve’s stomach churn like the butter his Ma used to make.

He had to admit, though, the girls weren’t complete strangers. Steve knew them from grade school. They lived around the street corner from the doctor’s office he unwillingly frequented. They’d say hi to him and were nice and polite, but that was it. They were only nice and polite. They, and all the other pretty girls Steve’s age, made it abundantly clear: no self-respecting girl wanted to court the cripple. Hell, for all he knew, if it wasn't for the constant reassurances from his Ma, Bucky could have been getting paid to be his friend– too fed up that even war sounded like a better reprieve than being around Steve.

It wasn’t that Steve didn’t want the girls there. Nor was it that he secretly wished it was only him and Bucky. In fact, it definitely wasn’t because it was his last night with Bucky before he shipped off to camp McCoy a thousand and one miles away.

Well, maybe it was.

"Stevie, you okay?"

The grounding timbre of Bucky’s voice derailed Steve’s spiraling train of thought. He hadn't realized he'd zoned out until Bucky clapped a strong hand on his shoulder.

Bucky's brow knitted with concern, baby blues searching Steve's with earnest worry. He reached his hand out and delicately wiped his cheek, his thumb resting on Steve’s cheek for a second longer as his hand cupped his face. Steve looked down at his two-sizes-too-big coat. Small dark spots had stained his woolen lapel sourced from the dampness on his cheek. He swallowed thickly, embarrassment and shame creeping up into his throat alongside the heat in his cheeks.

Steve hadn't realized he’d started to cry.

He pathetically raised a bulky sleeve to his face and rubbed at his cheeks hard enough that the wool felt like barbed wire scratching at his china-like skin. He cursed, blinking towards the night sky to rid his eyes of any more tears. They didn’t seem to stop until he bit his lip hard, holding back the bile rising in his throat. He wished he were anywhere but there.

He wished he could go with Bucky.

"'M fine, Buck," he mumbled, finally looking at his friend and forcing a pained smile onto his lips. "Gonna miss you, is all."

Bucky looked at him for a second more, eyes darting for a moment to Steve’s lips. Worry still plagued his features as he pulled Steve into the familiar embrace they both knew all too well. Pulling away, Bucky slung his arm around Steve’s shoulders and sighed.

“Well, punk, don’t worry ‘bout me. I’ll come back in one piece,” he looked down again at Steve and winked. “I’ll come back to you.”

Steve blushed, smiling at the ground. He could almost see himself in Bucky’s newly shined shoes, the black leather reflecting the festival lights from above as they made their way to meet the girls. Bucky paused, sliding his arm back and raising his hand to wave at the girls. The weight lifted off of Steve’s shoulders, and he shuddered, the cool air sneaking its way back into his body.

“Wait here, I’ll go get ‘em,” Bucky said, breaking away from Steve’s side and jogging to the gigantic statue the girls were huddled under. He watched Bucky as the same sinking feeling climbed back into his stomach, blinking back any more tears threatening to leave his eyes again.

Pansy. That’s what he was. Not a man, not even enough to be anybody. Nothing but a –

“Steve?” Bucky called, breaking through his clouded thoughts once more. “These are our lovely dates for this evening.”

Steve forced himself to meet Bucky’s eyes, only to be distracted by the two girls dangling off the Sergeant’s arms. Each of them smiled at their arm candy, doe eyes scanning his chiseled features and competing for who could grin the toothiest.

Steve stifled a laugh when he saw the lipstick between their teeth.

Bucky gestured his locked arms to Steve. He forced a smile, sticking out a hand for the girls to shake. The girls briefly broke their focus to acknowledge him, looking down at his extended hand. Their arms only gripped tighter to Bucky, a poor attempt to save face and keep their smiles from faltering. Steve sighed, knowing this would be the beginning of the end. He retracted his hand and returned it to his coat pocket, instead nodding to both girls and giving Bucky a defeated look.

Bucky chewed his lip, his brow knitting together at the pained look in Steve’s eyes. Turning to Bonnie, the blonde with neatly pinned curls and a pretty red dress, he wiggled free from her grasp and nodded to Steve.

“Bonnie, this is my best guy, Steve. Steve, you ‘member Bonnie?”

Bonnie’s strained smile didn’t reach as far as she intended it to. Her eyes stared blankly at Steve as if processing and accepting him as the fate she’d succumbed to by agreeing to be his date. Her eyes flicked over to Connie, imaginary daggers shooting straight into her friend’s chest.

This oughta be fun.

“Oh, Steve Rogers! I remember you!” She greeted in feigned excitement as she instinctively stuck out her hand to him. He gulped as he shot a quick, pleading look to Bucky, who mouthed, ‘kiss it.’ He reached his clammy hand out to hers, chapped lips meeting her delicately smooth skin. His nostrils flared, stomach churning as he inhaled her sickeningly sweet perfume. Choking back a gag, he glanced up at her as her smile turned into a subtle cringe. He looked at Bucky, whose hand around Connie’s shoulder seemed to tighten as he gnawed on his lip, the slightest bit of envy filling his gaze as it flicked from Steve to Bonnie.

“Nice t’ meet you, doll,” Steve sighed as he dropped Bonnie’s hand, his own snaking right back into his pocket.

“Well, now that we all know each other, how about gettin’ to Stark’s Show?” Bucky suggested. “I heard he’s gone all out this year!”

“Yeah, it should be starting soon!” Connie added.

Bucky smiled, Steve’s heart fluttering as he gave Connie his arm and began leading the group into the middle of the Expo. Bonnie trotted along next to him, wiggling her way onto his other arm as Bucky continued to tell them about Stark, his groundbreaking inventions, and his theories on how the man alone could alter the war as they knew it.

Steve trailed behind the trio, chuckling to himself as he listened to Bucky’s ramblings. The girls seemed to give less of a damn, bored out of their minds but hiding it better than Steve thought they would. He smirked to himself, Bucky’s excited voice taking him back to nights shared in their tiny Brooklyn apartment. The long nights they would both lie in bed, Steve forcing himself to stay awake to savor Bucky’s voice as he talked about science, books, and his theories on his favorite radio program, Avenger.

Steve would give anything for one more night like that.

As they approached the main stage, Steve's stomach rumbled. He cursed, realizing he forgot to eat again. How disappointed Bucky would be if he knew. He looked ahead to Bucky, who had turned over his shoulder with a concerned, furrowed brow.

‘You okay?’ he mouthed.

‘Snack,’ Steve responded as he pointed a bony thumb at the vendor next to him. Bucky nodded, his eyes lingering on Steve a second longer before returning to the girls.

Digging around for pocket change, Steve approached the vendor. The sugary scent of candied almonds and caramel corn wafted into his nose, his mouth watering as he pulled the coins out from the depths of his pockets. The girl at the booth smiled at him, all freckles and gap teeth. He ordered a small bag of almonds, his face flushing as his hand grazed hers offering the money. He swore he felt like he turned as red as her hair.

Get it together, Rogers.

He thanked her and dove back into the ocean of people, popping a few almonds into his mouth as he wove through the bodies finding Bucky. He spotted a waving hand clad in Army green poking out of the sea of people, and he beelined for it.

“Glad ya made it back, Stevie- er, Rogers,” Bucky fumbled, quickly glancing at both girls to see if they caught the name.

Steve’s heart, butterflies and all, died a little bit more when Bucky corrected himself. The familiar lump in his throat and the burn in his eyes threatened to return as he tried to ignore the nickname he knew all too well.

As Steve opened his mouth, music erupted from the loudspeakers surrounding the stage, announcing Howard Stark’s arrival as he forced one of the showgirls against his lips. His voice boomed over the music as the crowd applauded. The girls stared at the millionaire mogul in awe– Bucky included– as he introduced his latest feat of the flying car.

Steve popped more candies into his mouth, chewing as he listened absently at the selling points of the flying car. Bonnie looked back over her shoulder, her brow twitching upon laying eyes on Steve standing behind her as if remembering he still existed. She gave him a once over before turning back to the stage, her smile and awe returning to her face as quickly as it had disappeared. He paused mid-chew, looking down at his snack. Out of the sheer good manners his mother taught him, he extended his arm over her shoulder, the bag crinkling as he offered some to his so-called ‘date.’

In an instant, her demeanor dropped again, she snapped her head back to him. She eyed the bag of candied almonds as her nose scrunched, recoiling as if he’d offered her a handful of garbage. He looked at her in confusion, only to be met with the same daggers she’d shot Connie earlier being fired directly at him.

He slowly retracted his arm and looked at the candies. They were the same sugar-coated almonds he’d been eating the entire time, not some moldy science experiment. He blinked as he felt the sting return to his eyes, tears blurring his vision. The lump appeared suddenly back in his throat, thicker and heavier. He couldn’t swallow, couldn’t see, couldn’t speak.

He’d lost his appetite.

He didn’t care about the Expo, about Stark, about the stupid flying car that didn’t seem to fly at all. He didn’t want to be there. He didn’t want to be with the girls, with the people, not even with Bucky.

He wanted to be alone.

He bit his quivering lip, turning on his heel as the crowd erupted again, his eyes searching for any escape route he could find. He stood up on his toes to scan over another couple behind him when he froze at the illuminated Uncle Sam poster at the back of the crowd.

‘I WANT YOU!’

A sign. Literally and figuratively.

If Bucky had to go, he would too.

The candy-striped bag crumpled in his hands as he shouldered his way through the crowd, the Uncle Sam poster a beacon of light as he made his way toward the recruitment station. The closer he got, the faster his legs seemed to work, carrying him to the entryway of the station. He’d barely crossed the threshold before a heavy hand clamped down on his shoulder.

“Steve, hey, you’re kinda missin’ the point of a double date,” Bucky chided, turning Steve to face him. Hurt plagued his features as his brow knitted further, eyes searching Steve’s for an answer.

“And I think Connie’s missin’ a mirror with all that lipstick in her teeth,” Steve shot back.

“What the hell, Steve,” he grabbed him by the arm and pulled him out of the entryway to the side of the station, shaking him slightly, “What’s gotten into you t’night, huh?”

Anger flooded into Steve’s veins as he grabbed Bucky’s hand and threw it off of him. He huffed, throwing the crumpled bag of wasted candies onto the ground and stomping on them.

“You don’t understand, Buck!” Steve’s voice shook, “You’ll never understand!”

“Understand what, Steve?” Bucky gritted.

“That if you go, I go!”

His chest heaved as tears spilled down his cheeks. His hands shook as much as his voice as they turned into fists at his side.

“If you go to war, I go to war. If you leave, then–” he choked out a sob, “then I have nothing left! I am nothing! Without you, I’m nothing!” He sputtered, choking down air as he grabbed Bucky by the arms. “I didn’t wanna spend tonight with the girls, I wanted to spend it with you!”

He sobbed again, pulling Bucky to him. The dark green coat had dampened with the blond’s tears. Bucky stood still, arms at his side, speechless.

“It’s ‘cause I love you.”

His confession, muffled and final, brought Bucky back to reality. He continued to cry, gasping lightly as he felt Bucky’s heavy arms slowly wrapping around him, squeezing tightly around his friend. Bucky bent his head to Steve’s, soft blond hair gracing his lips as he pressed a kiss to Steve’s head. Steve shook again and paused, slowly looking up to find Bucky’s eyes welling with tears of his own. He swallowed thickly, placing another shaky kiss on Steve’s forehead.

“I love you too, punk.”

Bucky wrapped his arms further around Steve’s waist, hoisting him up past the tips of his toes as he brought the blond to his lips. All of the air left Steve’s lungs, his eyes gaping widely as Bucky pushed into him. Bucky’s arms held onto Steve tightly, keeping him stable as his head spun wildly. Steve pushed into the kiss, locking his arms around Bucky’s neck. His fingers carded into the Sergeant’s hair, nearly knocking his hat off. Steve couldn’t help but grin at the soft moan he elicited from Bucky’s chest, savoring every second before Bucky broke from him.

Bucky placed Steve gently back on the ground. Steve sniffled, shaking his head as his mouth floundered to find anything to say. Bucky struggled too, reaching for Steve’s hand before he suddenly froze.

“Bucky? Bucky! Are we still going dancing?” Connie called. Bucky snapped to attention, turning on his heel and putting on his best ‘I didn't just kiss my best friend’ face.

“Y-yes! Of course, ladies!” He responded, his facade dissipating the instant he turned back to Steve. Concern dotted his features, making Steve’s heart pound harder.

“Look, Stevie, make me one promise,” He pleaded, gathering Steve’s hands into his own, “Wait for me, will ya?”

Steve’s face fell. Confusing, hurt, all boiling in his blood, spilling over into the mess of emotions he felt swirling in his head. This is all Bucky could say after that?

“What do y’mean, Bucky? I’m going in there to enlist. I’m going to fight. If you go, I go!”

Bucky faltered, grip loosening on Steve’s hands. He licked his lips, weight shifting as he glanced over his shoulders. Nobody paid them any mind, not even the girls. He turned back to Steve and set his jaw.

“Steve, this is war. This isn’t some back alley fight where I’m gonna come save your sorry ass again. There’re jobs here! You can stay at the apartment or work for the pharmacy. You can–”

“I can, what, work in the factories? Collect scrap metal until God says when?” He yanked his hands away from Bucky’s hold.

“Why not? It’s safe! It means you’ll be here! It means I won’t have to worry about you–”

“Bucky!” Steve’s voice boomed, snapping Bucky’s attention back to him. He silently fumed, biting his lip to speak any further. He felt like he drew blood when Steve reached for his hands this time. His small palms paled in comparison to Bucky’s, but he managed to hold them as well as Bucky held his. He tugged at Bucky’s fingers, commanding the Sergeant to look at him.

“There are men laying down their lives ‘nd I got no right to do anything less than them, less than you. This isn’t about me, or you, or anyone, or anything. This is about doing what’s right,” he said. His thumbs ran over Bucky’s knuckles, gracing the veins in his

hands he’d studied so many times before when he drew in his sketchbook.

Bucky scoffed. “And you got nothing to prove, huh?”

“Sarge!” Bonnie’s voice rang. “We goin’ dancing or what?”

Bucky gritted a sigh through his teeth, plastering another fake smile once more.

“Yes, we are!”

Steve blanched, letting go of Bucky’s hands and crossing them over his chest.

Bucky turned back to Steve, who stood with a shoulder to him, side-eyeing the Sergeant with hurt in his eyes. Bucky could tell Steve’s lip was quivering no matter how hard he bit down on it.

Bucky dropped his head, knowing it would be the last time he’d see Steve. He shook his head, looking for the right words to part with in light of their newly confessed love.

“Promise me one thing then,” he requested, pulling Steve into a hug. His arm slung around his shoulders, patting him as Steve mimicked his motions almost half-heartedly.

“What?” His voice muffled into Bucky’s shoulder.

“Don’t do anything stupid ‘til I get back.”

Bucky released him from the hug, turning to leave for the girls when, Steve stopped him, grabbing him by the tie. His bony, nimble fingers reached up, straightening the silk fabric, smoothing down his lapel, and fixing the gold buttons donning it. He smiled weakly, looking up at the Bucky one last time.

“How can I? You’re taking all the stupid with ya.”

138 notes · View notes

deliciousangelfestival · 9 months

Text

My Problematic Girl - Chapter 4

Character: College!Steve Rogers x Rich!Female Reader

Prologue: Steve has lived being nobody in this prestigious university. He just wants to graduate and get a job to get more money to pay the bills for his mother's surgery.

But his life turned upside when a new student attended his class. His quiet and dull life became dangerous and full of surprises.

×××

She exhaled the cigarette smoke from her lips. She still doesn’t care even though he told her he has asthma.

She looked at Steve and said, “Bark for me.”

Steve felt humiliated, and his pride was crushed. But she held his life and secrets. He had to bury his dignity to the ground, and he murmured,

“Woof.”

******

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Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3, Chapter 4, Chapter 5 , Chapter 6, Chapter 7 ,Chapter 8 , Chapter 9,-

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His body felt weak, and he dropped himself to the floor. He leaned against the wall and closed his eyes, dreaming he could run away.

He punched the floor and screamed, "No! I won't do it."

"Don't be that innocent, Steve. Art is always related to money laundry."

Y/N exhaled another smoke. "I knew a drug cartel who hung two Picasso's in his bathroom."

'Oh God, she knows a drug cartel now.' Steve's hand ran down his face.

"You need the money, Steve. Drawing hentai comics and the salary of a part-time waitress and cashier is not enough to pay for your mother's surgery."

"And your father's debts."

How did she know that? That's the painful past he always pretends never happened. They have to move several times to avoid the debt collector.

He lifted his head to look up at her. "You do a background check on me?"

Then it hit him. "You choose me because I'm poor!!!"

She didn't deny it, and it seems like she admits it.

Y/N know Steve is a man with a strong sense of pride.

That's why she wanted to break him. He became easy prey because he didn't have any money.

"Steve, I'm offering you a shortcut to get quick money."

"Or do you want to build a startup that could give you more debt or join a Ponzi scheme like your father?"

Steve gritted his teeth. "You're evil."

Y/N let out laughter wounded like a warning from a beast. "Not just evil but also greedy. I learned this the hard way to survive."

'Survive? What does she mean by that?'

She offered her hand to him. "If you doubt me, I have written a contract for this. In that contract, you get all the benefits. If you have disadvantages, you can sue me."

He clenched his fist. What does she want from him? Please make her stop. It felt like he was stuck in a shipping ship.

"You need this, Steve. Aren't you tired of being humiliated because you have no money?"

Steve saw Y/N with two horns, bat wings, and a tail. She offered him a dangerous deal.

But deep down, even though he knew this was wrong, he needed that money.

He's tired of drawing that comic, different part-time jobs, and hiding from debt collectors; he wants to move out of that ugly apartment and needs money for his mother's surgery.

He threw away his morals. 'Forgive me, Mother, this son of yours will be a partner in crime.'

He grabbed her hand, and she helped him to stand up. He doesn't speak, but it's a silent yes.

Y/N smiled, "That wasn't difficult right?"

She dragged his hand, but Steve's body wouldn't move. "Where are we going?"

"Just get into the car."

He let her drag his hand; when he finally got inside the car and put on his seat belt, he asked, "Now we're inside; where are we going?"

"Saint Barbara Hospital."

Steve almost jolted his eyes. "This is low Y/N !!! You're going to use my mom to blackmail me?"

This is also the first he screamed at her. That place is where his mother got admitted.

Y/N gasped, "Wow, I will never use that method."

He scoffed, "Yeah, right."

She stirred the wheel and started to drive. "You are free to hate me. But I'm the only solution you got. Besides, I'm visiting someone too."

Steve remembered something, and it made him wonder. "Before you said, evil and greed are needed to survive. What do you mean by that?"

There's no answer. Steve saw Y/N's right hand tremble; she had to put her left hand to calm it down. Then she immediately turned on the car autopilot.

She lowered her head while massaging her hand.

"I learned it the hard way; being kind is useless. That's why I'm intrigued by you."

Steve pointed to himself. "Me?"

"You aren't offended when your classmates mock you; you weren't greedy when I gave you the deposit money for the drawing. And I liked how you looked at me for the first time."

She was silent for a second, then said "You despised me."

"..."

Steve rubbed his forehead; he is dealing with a crazy person. "You're crazy."

She laughed and said, "I know."

When the car arrived, the hospital security opened the car, and she handed him the key.

Steve always gets here by bus but never sees a valet service.

"I didn't know this hospital offered a valet service."

"They don't."

Both of them walked together into the lift. Y/N pressed the 2nd floor. Steve always came to this hospital; he knew that floor was for physiotherapy.

Without looking at him, she said, "I'm going this way without looking at him. See you tomorrow."

Steve finally could breathe when she left. When the lift door slide opened, he went straight to a patient room where his mother stayed.

There he saw his mother already in the wheelchair.

She smiled at him because she knew his son would come. "Let's go outside. The weather is nice."

Steve couldn't say no to this fantastic woman. Sarah Rogers. She has sacrificed so much, and he is always grateful for having a strong mother like her.

But her kidney got worse. Because his father failed at business, he ran away and left the debt to Steve and Sarah. One day his mother had to sell her kidney so they could survive.

Steve still felt guilty until this day. But she never blames anyone, even her husband, and keeps smiling.

Steve brought her to the hospital park. On the way to the park, Sarah greeted everyone. She stayed in the hospital for so long that made her know everyone.

When he found a perfect spot to sit, Sarah pointed at someone.

"Oh, that's Lilly."

Steve looked in the direction she pointed. An older woman in a wheelchair and being pushed by…

Y/N???

"Mom, you know her?"

"Lilly, of course. She used to be our neighbour. She's a piano teacher."

"And the person who is behind her?"

"Ooh, you mean Y/N? She's a nice kid."

'Nice? She's far from that.' Steve wants to tell his mother the truth.

"She used to live around our neighbourhood too. But she moved after her father remarried"

Steve raises his eyebrows. Y/N used to live near their apartment. She didn't grow up in an elite neighbourhood?

"Y/n is Lilly's only student who keeps coming to check on her. And she paid for her surgery."

"Student?"

"Lilly told me Y/N is a prodigy, but she stopped playing the piano after an accident."

Sarah sighed. "That poor girl, Lilly, always in tears when she mentioned it. Y/N's fingers got hurt because of the accident, and she can't play the piano anymore."

Steve remembered Y/N were shaking.

Did something happen in her childhood? Trauma?

He doesn't know he starts to sympathise with Y/N. He shook his head. It's not just her who went through a hard life.

Even if she has trauma, at least she has money.

After he visited his mother, Steve went home and started painting. If he could complete his work, he could end the deal with Y/N immediately.

'Bzzt.'

Hmm? Another call from Bucky. Steve answered the phone.

"Hello?"

"Uhm, the girl you mentioned yesterday reminded me of a famous kid from my university."

Steve sighed and said, "Y/N L/N." That name reminded him of tobacco since she smoked a lot.

"Ahh, that's her name !! She is admitted into your faculty?"

"Yeah."

"That's unrelated to her law degree."

So she's graduated. "Then what is she doing in Stark?"

"Uhm, I heard a rumour from my team. It was hot gossip."

"What is it?"

"Y/N, after she graduated and joined her father's law firm, she exposed the Imperial University admission scandal."

Steve gasped when he heard that info. He heard about that scandal, but the news stopped talking about it.

"You know what's crazy? Her step-grandfather is the biggest donor of this campus."

How did Bucky know that?

"I think she went to Stark to make her stay out of trouble."

'That's why she said this is her punishment.'

"Did she make trouble there?"

"Always. We called her Mad Dog. Some people don't agree with her method, but she defends weak students."

That's hard to believe. Wait, she defends him from Luke. He saw her as a good person before she turned into a crime lord.

"I think she got kicked out from the family because she almost tarnished her father's law firm."

"And her sugar daddy Tonny helped her."

"What?!! No!!! That's disgusting. Tony is her godfather."

"How did you know?"

"When she graduated, her father didn't come, and Tony replaced him. Tony was so proud of her perfect GPA and told everyone that he's Y/N godfather."

"What is her father's name?"

"Brian Solomon."

'Brian. That name sounds familiar.'

"Why does she have a different last name?"

"Her father took his wife's name after he got remarried. If you go here, you will know everything about her. Her family is basically like a royal family. "

'Crash'.

"Steve, what's wrong?"

"My hand slipped. I break the glass. Sorry Bucky, I'll hang up."

Steve put down his phone and picks up the shattered glass.

L/N.

Lawyer Brian L/N. Steve remembered that name.

That person is the lawyer who defends the people who introduce the Ponzi Scheme to a bunch of people like Steve's father.

The victim who invested their money lost everything. While the mastermind didn't get punished.

"Uurgh." This info triggered his asthma. Steve took his inhaler to breathe.

What kind of crazy coincidence is this?

Y/N is Brian L/N's daughter.

Like father and daughter, both of them are evil and greedy.