#please let me know if i should add something! | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

mistystepmoonbeam · 4 hours

Text

Reborn Into BG3: Chapter 9

You're reborn into BG3 with only the memory of your past life. Now you're Tav's companion on his journey, and must learn about yourself as much as your new reality.

Chapter 9: You lose something, but maybe a certain devil can help you out?

Word count: 2K

A/N: Okay, but should we start to focus on one companion for romance??

Your body is warm as you drift between sleeping and waking. It’s like you’re sitting by a fireplace, wrapped in a soft blanket while a winter storm rages outside. Like sleeping in on a Sunday morning with nowhere to be for the day. You could stay there forever, resisting the pull of the waking world with a grimace.

“You took quite the hit,” a deep voice says, “and for a bear no less.”

Right, you were bleeding, concussed. You should really open your eyes to see what’s happening, but they only flutter shut again. There’s a dim light overhead that disturbs your peaceful warmth, and when you turn away from it you feel the cold stone on your cheek.

Stone. Blood. Bear. Your eyes open—slowly despite the shot of fear that courses through your body. After a few blurry blinks you’re able to make out the vague shape of a person's head, then long brown hair that’s partly tied back and braided, and a smile.

“Welcome back,” Halsin says. “I’m sorry it took so long for me to heal you—we had to get the goblins out of the way first.”

“We?” you repeat.

Another face comes into view, the horns on top of Tav’s head nearly poking out one of Halsin’s eyes. The druid backs off to let your companions fuss over you.

Dried blood has crusted on your forehead and cheek. You wipe at it and it begins to flake away with ease; whatever healing magic Halsin used on you has sealed the wound and dried the blood.

Tav moves behind you and slides his hands under your back, giving you a push upright. Almost your full weight is on him until you’re sitting up, still trying to blink away little spots in your vision.

“What happened?” you ask. “Did I win?”

You’re not even sure what you’re asking.

“Against a rock?” Astarion says. “No. Against the worm in your head…that’s another story.”

You take a deep inhale, surveying the faces around you. There’s worry on almost all of them, but something else. More than concern for your repeated blows to the head. It isn’t until you follow Astarion’s gaze to something to your left that you understand.

You jump away, scurrying back just like when you’d found the boar in your tent. There, lying lifelessly on the stone floor, is a mindflayer tadpole. Your stomach lurches as Tav picks it up between two claws then tosses it behind him.

“The tadpoles leave the host when it dies,” Halsin says. “Though what caused it to leave this time, I’m not sure.”

“How did it—what part of me—where did it leave from?” You stand, head shaking. “No, I don’t want to know. I’ve never been so glad to be knocked unconscious.”

You waver on your feet, world spinning. When you hold your hands out to balance yourself you’re lifted off your feet and into the arms of Tav.

“I can walk,” you say, though you don’t know if that’s true. Besides, there is a lot of blood on Tav that can’t be all goblin—he didn’t have to carry you back to camp.

“I shouldn’t have let you leave,” Tav replies. “I’m sorry.”

“I volunteered.” Your fact does little to lighten his mood, his lips still in a firm line. “Besides, if I hadn’t failed my persuasion roll I probably would have been fine.”

Tav only furrows his brow at your words.

“I’m sorry to leave like this but I must return to the grove,” Halsin announces. He doesn’t even have to step towards you to take your hand in his; he never strayed far after healing you. “Please, speak with me there when you can.”

You watch as Halsin places a gentle kiss on your knuckles, unable to do anything else as your face heats. He adds, “And thank you for what you did.”

You stutter a quiet “No problem” just before he transforms into a rat and dashes off.

“Oof!” Karlach places a hand over her heart dramatically. “He’s a charming one, isn’t he?”

You don’t trust your voice to not come out as a squeak so you say nothing. Your attention returns to the tadpole that disappeared into the shadows of the cell. Should you really leave it there? Was it really dead?

“Did it…did it really leave?” you ask. Are they going to leave you behind now that you’re no longer sharing their affliction? You wet your lips.

“We think that may be why Priestess Gut said the Absolute abandoned you,” Gale explains. He’s standing by Astarion, your staff in hand. He gives it a shake. “Though she was none too impressed to see you with this. But that’s something we can discuss when you haven’t been imprisoned by goblins, hit with large rocks, or—fed upon.”

You think you catch a dirty look from Gale to Astarion but it’s too dark and you’re too woozy to tell.

You want to ask, “what now”, even as you stay held close to Tav. But the words don’t come. You know the answer after all this—they’ll definitely kick you out of the camp because so far you’ve done nothing but suck up all their healing supplies. You have plenty of money to survive after all, and Halsin will probably let you stay in the grove for a while. There’s a lump forming in your throat at the thought of going out on your own but what choice do you have?

Maybe Karlach can tell what you’re thinking, or maybe she’s just tired, too. She says, “I think it’s about time we head back yeah?”

You swallow down the lump, nose starting to run as you hold back tears. Pain is coming back to your body, Halsin’s healing wearing off. It did its job of keeping you alive, and now it is your body that must do the rest of the work. You can feel the bruises along your back, hips and sides where the goblins jabbed you, as well as the forming headache. If the headache is from the rocks striking you or the tadpole you don’t know. Either way, you wish that stupid thing had at least stayed in your head when it died.

When Tav starts to walk you let him carry you without complaint, even resting your head against his shoulder, eyes closed. Whatever happened to the goblins and their leaders remains unknown as he carries you out, but it’s silent in the camp.

The group is silent, too. Maybe they’re letting you rest while you can, you think, or maybe they’re trying to decide who gets to be the one to kick you to the curb. You don’t think about it too long.

When you feel fresh non-bloodstained air on your cheeks you open your eyes. You’re across the bridge and heading towards the blighted village already. Every step they take is a step closer to you being completely alone.

The scent of sulphur wafts towards you before you hear a strange sound, like a campfire being started. Almost a poof, but not quite. The group turns quickly to face the source: Raphael. Tav puts you down as gently as possible, ready to draw his weapon when Raphael starts talking.

“Now, now, I’m not here for a fight…” His speech starts and finishes, and then with a snap of his fingers you’re all inside the House of Hope. The scene progresses, Tav denying the devil every chance he gets until the end and they’re transported back to where you were.

Without you.

Raphael, now in his full cambion form is observing you, a hand to his chin.

“You, uh, you missed one,” you tell him.

He quirks one eyebrow. “Did I?”

Raphael moves towards you and with every step you have to tilt your head further back just to look him in the eye. When he’s an arm's length away you step back until your thighs hit the table and he doesn’t stop until he’s nearly on top of you. Your voice is shaky when you speak. “Y-yep. I don’t even have a tadpole so what good would a deal with me be?”

His smile never drops, never reveals what he’s thinking. “You don’t, not anymore. As fascinating as that is, I’m more interested in procuring something else you have.”

You point to yourself. “Me? What do I have?”

Raphael reaches for your face, and with nowhere to go you stay as still as possible. Those claws feel bigger than Halsin’s in his bear form, but Raphael is gentle as he strokes a knuckle along your cheek.

“You, my dear,” he says, almost wistfully, “have more than you know. But you don’t know anything do you? Just a name and a place; Baldur’s Gate.”

You gulp. Even when he takes his hand away you feel the heat of his skin on your cheek. He doesn’t step back, closing you in with his size and outstretched wings. “I guess it’d be silly to ask how you know that.”

His smile grows, entertained by your question. “I could help with that—your memories, your life here.”

The way he stresses the last word gives you a shock like when Priestess Gut had looked at you.

“No, thank you. Now, if you could just send me back—”

“What will you do when they leave you?”

The question halts your words, your very thoughts. You peer up into Raphael’s red eyes. He continues, “Without the tadpole binding you, you’ve no reason to stay. Where will you go? Gold can take you only so far.”

You don’t answer. You don’t have an answer. You ask, “You know who I am?”

“And then some,” he answers.

You swallow your fear, again, and shake your head. He’s a devil! Evil! Your identity isn’t worth your soul, which you’ve come to learn is real and eternal.

“I’ll be here,” Raphael tells you, “I’m sure you know how to find me.”

In a plume of smoke you’re back on the dirt road that travels between the shrine and the village. You stay stock still as if the predator is still in front of you, eyes on the ground. You hear someone call your name, but it isn’t until Tav shakes your shoulders that you can react. “What?”

“Please tell me you didn’t make a deal,” Karlach begs. If she couldn’t burn your skin off you think it would be her shaking you out of your trance.

“No,” you reply. “No. No! Of course not.”

Each of the companions let out a relieved sigh.

“What did he want with you?” Astarion asks. “Not to be rude but without the tadpole…”

You shake your head, the ache inside growing. Stop shaking your head at everything, you think. “He didn’t say.”

“What did he offer?” Gale steps up, brows pinched together as he carefully watches your expression.

“My memories,” you admit. “But I don’t think my memories are worth my soul.”

Gale’s face relaxes at your answer.

“Now there’s a devil at our door,” Astarion complains. “What next? Will we be attacked by a rabid kobold as icing on the cake?”

“All in good time,” Gale answers.

“I’d give you a hug if it wouldn’t burn your skin off,” Karlach says to you.

You smile at her, but it’s weak. You could really use that hug. Raphael’s words had echoed your own thoughts—what happens when you’re left alone, left behind, by these people? They must mistake your silence for fear, because they each give you a reassurance that as long as you don’t make a deal with a devil you’ll be fine. But you’re just waiting for the other shoe to drop and feeling terribly sorry for yourself.

You muster up as much energy as possible and put it into stretching your lips into a smile. “We should probably get back to the grove. I’m sure everyone will be happy to hear the goblins aren’t a threat.”

This time you don’t let Tav pick you up, and start walking on your own two feet. You’ll have to get used to it anyway, injured or not, when they move on to the Underdark.

Taglist:

@half-poison-and-half-hope @sanscas @hotmesshobbit @godoffuckedupcats @thequeen-oni @terrenuserinj @straewberrysoda @theomnipotentfox @becksynthetic @quitecontrary-to-mary @furblrwurblr @mega-trash-cringe @fandomsbookclub @dontneedbiologytoadopt @pebble-bb @v3lv3tvampir3 @mrow-kat @jeneralmischief @notsaelty @runaway-17 @aoirohi @tinswhimsy @xxgrimripp3rxx @kemonocat-blog @thetiredtoad0-0 @sleepydang @iwannabealocalcryptid

#reborn into bg3 #reborn into baldur's gate 3 with no memory and plenty of money #astarion x reader #gale x reader #raphael has entered the fray #reader insert #x reader #is this angsty?

20 notes · View notes

yume-yuurei · 6 months

Text

Sugar overdose

Trey Clover × reader

Synopsis: There's this one student in NRC... he always seems to look out for you, expressing his care and making your forced stay in Twisted Wonderland more bearable. Though there are some things about him that you stay oblivious to...

TW for: mild yandere, drugging/food poisoning (?) (basically unconscious potion consumption), stalking (if you can call it that), overall creepy-ish behavior. If you're uncomfortable with any of aforementioned topics, do not proceed, please. :з

(the whole thing might seem rushed or unfinished, forgive me if so, I'm still gaining experience in writing. ^^")

He's always been there.

Since when you first got dropped into this world, Clover has always been somewhere in sight. It was hard to stop your gaze at just one thing when there were so many wonders you'd never seen before, so you never paid him much mind, not until the Heartslabyul incident, at least. Before you could only catch a glimpse of him in the cafeteria or exchange short greetings in the halls, but the first overblot gave him a push to change the matters. First he started calling out to you when seeing you in crowd, then he worked up some courage to ask for greeting hugs (or at least handshakes when you weren't in the mood), and at some point decided to strike up a conversation: one, two, five, to the point where you'll find him approaching you almost every day, helping out with chores, carrying groceries, sharing notes and helping with homework, staying over for night, and-

When did he manage to get so close?

Windows in NRC's alchemy lab expose one's eyes to unique views; usually it's already way past noon when classes end, enough so the sun starts setting by that time, painting the vast free skies in deep shades of pink and yellow. Wisps of colorful cotton clouds frame the canvas, giving finishing touches to the majestic evening painting. And the centre piece of the gallery of nature - the biggest wonder, an anomaly of this world, not unlike a shy flower on a fragile stem blooming among concrete plates or snowdrifts, - the prefect. Rays of dying light wrap around their figure perfectly. They come here every day, doing small chores for professors with the company of the infamous duo of freshmen-troublemakers. Still, even the boys' robust nature and somewhat graceless behavior cannot spoil the picturesque scene.

He lays his books out on a table closest to windows, having already claimed the space for himself ever since he joined the Science club. At first it was all about convenience: pretty views on the school gardens give him inspiration for new recipes, wide tables allow to keep his space as neat as possible and prevent any hazards (no more spilled flasks or lost papers - much easier to work now), fresh air when the room gets suffocating or his cooking experiments go wrong.

Now it opens another, a little less innocent in nature, opportunity for the young man - to keep a close eye on the cute magicless student. Actually, when you think about it, the fact is not perverse. Is it really wrong of him, a true older brother at heart, to protect those who are weaker than him in many senses of the word? If anything, he's only doing them a favor - prefect always expressed their appreciation of his help whenever they had gotten in a difficult situation with teachers or delinquents, so surely they would've found the notion to be sweet.

Sweet is the first word that comes to mind when you talk to Trey. It's not even only about his personality (the way the man treats his dormmates alone is enough of a proof; putting others' health and wants before his own, prioritizing their happiness, going out of his way to keep things peaceful). Smell of sugar and vanilla follows him everywhere: in classes, in hallways, in his room. You can smell sugar and caramel on his uniform every time Trey comes up to you for a 'good morning' hug. It's hard to resist the temptation to press closer, if only to have more - to get drunk on the overwhelming aroma and warmth.

He'd be lying if he said the prefect's preference for good perfume went over his head. Trey heard them compliment Schoenheit and Hunt for their cologne and seen how they pull away in mock disgust when Ace gets touchy after a particularly long basketball practice. Perceptive to smell. That's where his main hobby comes in handy: when one spends a great part of their day in the kitchen, they're bound to carry out some of its homey atmosphere with hints of cinnamon.

"Good morning! Don't forget to pack your gym uniform, your class has Flying lesson today."

Isn't that nice of him to leave you little notes and reminders? His attentiveness never fails to make you swoon.

"Have you eaten yet? Remember to heat up some lunch for yourself."

"I hope you're not staying up late again? Go to bed before I come over and make sure you do personally. >:("

"Your outfit today was really cute... I mean, you sure are good at styling clothes! Just wanted to make a compliment, don't take it wrong. :)"

Though sometimes his comments sound too... personal. Have you ever actually told him of your schedule? How does he know about your preference? Even Ace and Deuce, who you spend most of your time with, don't know and don't seem to remember that much.

Prefect favors others way more than they should. Does the spoiled lion prince deserve being pampered by them? Do the troublesome freshmen not annoy them? How can they parade around, gathering crowds around themselves, stealing hearts of each and every student they encounter, and still treat him with such disregard? "Trey's such a mom friend" this and "I wish I had an older brother like him!" that.

I don't feel the same for you.

Why wouldn't you see how I slowly burn for you?

Even now, the dessert he left at your kitchen counter in Ramshackle is lacking flaws. Even layers of frosting, small edible decorations made out of chocolate - it's an intricate work, a miniature piece of art beloved by its creator, with so much time spent over it. And all for you?

Under the plate hosting the sweet treat is a piece of paper. You carefully slip the note from under the plate and read it, eyes crinkling at the corners at the thought of somebody putting so much effort to make you happy.

"I noticed you've been gloomy all day; please, enjoy this little treat. It's a new recipe of mine, so I hope you'll enjoy this."

There was no need to sign the note - identity of the sender was as clear as day. With a fond light and eyes and a prep in step, you move to set a kettle on the stove to prepare some tea - a chamomile blend gifted to you by Jade (he did sound proud of his blends). Not able to resist temptation, you find a fork and lift a portion of the dessert to your lips, taking in its enchanting smell. Cream melts on your tongue, texture contrasting the bright filling and bringing out a new kind of flavor. Tea long abandoned, you take another bite to savor it, sighing in content.

He truly was a master of his art, especially if his work managed to bring your guard down with little to no effort. It was all too late when you noticed how the cold filling tickled your throat, or how your fingers grew colder with each second passed. Staying steady on two feet has never been so hard before, as white noise overwhelmed your senses, disorienting, separating from reality. Seconds flash by in static pictures, and by the time he approached you from behind, there was nothing to do to hold onto consciousness.

There they are now, safe in his arms, not turning or running away anymore. Cradled close to a warm chest, burning with deepest of earthy desires, full of selfish wanting and a new blossom of hope, their heart would soon answer his calling. For a magicless human is no match to the power of true love.

He will always hold you near.

#twisted wonderland #twst #twisted wonderland x reader #twst x reader #yuurei's fics #gender neutral reader #trey clover #trey clover x reader #yandere twst #yandere #i hope the tagging is okay? still unsure how to do this #please let me know if i should add something!#really felt like writing something yandere-ish...

208 notes · View notes

gabe-lovebot · 1 month

Text

councilor 3D model

i learnt 3d modelling from the ground up to bring him to life. he's yours now. do whatever you want with him

[link]

please credit me if you make something using the model (or even ping/link me to it, i would love to see what you made!)

currently available as a .blend, .fbx and an SFM port.

#hello councilnation i'm finally releasing him to the wild #have fun playing toys with him #ultrakill #councilor #councilor ultrakill #3d stuff #obviously with the councilor having just 1 full body image of him means that some stuff i had to improvise on #so you get to enjoy my headcanons on how he looks #(like obviously the wings & halo)#(but also the chestplate design)#but did you know that the councilor's canon design has subtle engravings on his forearm armor pieces?#i only barely noticed them when painting textures and i was floored #i had to add them #to the sfm anon and whoever else wants to use this for sfm stuff-#i did my best with a port for sfm and i'm quite proud of the result #but please be aware i have never used it before so if you find that something doesn't work as it should please please let me know!!#gonna pour my heart out in tags as always so close your eyes if you don't wanna see me being sentimental but #i'm not kidding when i say i learnt 3d modelling from the ground up for this #i have meddled with blender before but never actually came close to finishing a project #and i don't know how i did it and how i kept going #(i do know) (it was my friend encouraging me every time i showed him progress)#this was like 1 entire month in the making #but i'm so fucking proud of this and how it turned out and people's tags in my act 2 render genuinely were such a huge confidence boost #so thank you guys for liking it <3 #i'm still very much thinking of doing a version with just his bloodied head #but it might take a while because i want a break and i want to play warframe

494 notes · View notes

sherlock-is-ace · 9 months

Text

[First image description: A screenshot of Georgia Tennant's instagram post. The photo is of Peter Davison holding a sign that reads "He's not that special!" In front of a line of people. The caption of the post reads "Here I am protesting in front of the half mile queue for your husband". The post is dated April 2, 2022. Below there is a comment from Neil Gaiman that reads "He's got the patience of Job, your father."

Second image description: A close up of Neil's comment. It's got 786 likes and was posted 71 weeks ago.]

#i found this way too funny ahdnshf #don't ask me what i was doing for far into georgia's instagram acc lol #also please PLEASE let me know if i did and formated the image description correctly it's the first one i ever do #i never do them cause i don't know how and i'm afraid to make it more difficult for people who need it #but this post was all text in screenshots so i felt like it was the perfect opportunity to learn #do let me know if there's something i should add or change PLEASE i will edit the post :)#georgia tennant #peter davison #neil gaiman

135 notes · View notes

heliosoll · 9 months

Text

I received some comments on an old post about respawning so once again I'd like to explain my stance on it.

I support respawning. I don't care if you want to respawn, literally go ahead. I have a guide in my pinned on how to respawn and a post about the difference between respawning and permashifting if you'd like to try it. There are also other resources out there, just be careful about misinformation.

However, and I believe this is where the confusion starts, I don't support suicide. At all. Please understand how upsetting it is to get asks and comments from people detailing their trauma and how they want to kill themselves. It's not fun. I will not help someone commit. I'm not going to be part of that and if someone tells me they want to, then yes, I will try to dissuade them and give them alternatives.

Respawning does not equal suicide. You can respawn without committing. You can completely forget this reality without committing. You can completely detach your consciousness from this reality without committing. Everything you want to do, you can do without committing.

And again, you can also completely change your life and make it better. This blog is about manifesting and shifting, of course I'm going to tell people they can change things. You can literally respawn and then script/intend that your previous life is 100% better. There's a "solution" for every problem you could think of. Suicide is not necessary to respawn and I'm never going to tell people that they should do it.

Listen, my life wasn't perfect before I got into shifting and manifesting. I won't say exactly what, but I've been through things and I did consider respawning through death for a very long time. I'm telling you now that it's not worth it. Every single reason you have has an alternative solution that doesn't involve hurting yourself. And please, don't come at me with the "painless death" thing - emotional pain counts too. People consider suicide because they think it's the quickest thing that will get them out. They don't consider that every other "method" is also quick and instant. It's not necessary, I will never tell people how to do it, and I'd appreciate it if people stopped telling very emotionally distraught people that they need to commit to have a better life. I don't know how you think that helps more, but it doesn't.

#respawn mention #suicide mention #i put the respawn warning because the topic can be triggering for some #let me know if there are any other applicable warnings i should add #anyway if you want to respawn please read my guide! it details how to do it without committing #and again i will now be logging off because this topic is very triggering and upsetting #please have a good day and i apologize for the upsetting post <3 #i'll try to post something more uplifting later on

38 notes · View notes

birdo-is-here · 7 months

Text

This is Nora (she/her) and Raven (she/it)! These two share a body but I don’t rlly wanna call it did or osdd specifically because its not an illness and more a species thing

It also works a bit differently to did/osdd in some ways, for example no other alters can form regardless of what they go through, if other alters did form THEN it would be counted as did/osdd because its no longer just a species thing ykwim

But anyway here’s these two, they’re coping that’s for sure

Nora is, overall, pretty normal, a bit grumpy but otherwise she’s pretty average ygm?? She has been through some shit though that i’ll get into another time, but girlie has Witnessed The Horrors trademark

Raven on the other hand is a little more wild,, not like. Dangerous wild dw but she is certainly more… reckless than Nora, especially with others. Seems Raven doesn’t fully grasp how fragile others can be usually, which can prove an issue when it’s fronting. She also loves shiny stuff, like she will probably steal your precious jewels if prompted

It is usually quite obvious to tell who’s currently fronting since when Raven’s fronting the body tends to turn into the giant corvid-esc creature you see above, and also the eyes change colour to be a really bright blue when Raven’s in front so. yk. no mix ups fortunately

oh Nora’s also best friends with Chase, they are friends c: Raven. gets along well enough with him.

I did also draw a kinda “mid-way” reference for when both Raven and Nora are fronting at once, but im gonna be honest I don’t like how that turned out enough to put it here so… you’ll probably see a drawing of it one day?? but yeeah my bad

#birdo’s silly little guys #art #digital art #birdo bintros #birdo makes the sillies real #btw while this isn’t meant to be portrayed specifically as did/osdd i do know it functions quite similarly #and can be seen as such #so even tho ive done a good amount of research into did/osdd im never gonna truly know everything about it perfectly #and if you notice something you think I should change/add please let me know!!#however be aware that this is a species gimmick and not meant to be exactly like did/osdd #so naturally some things will be different #good lord this was a longer post

16 notes · View notes

throwawayaccount3482348873289 · 4 months

Text

Response

Thank you to Jade/Lolthia @/edens-gemstone for replying to the previous post. I will make an exception in replying as yes, there was a part I forgot to add, which is additional evidence to prove that all your accusations in the comments below are completely false. Allow me to address them one by one.

At the end, I will include some follow-up questions to add additional context for other users.

THE ACCUSATIONS

“Also you literally stalked my tumblr after this, rb posts about Adam that I wasn’t comfy being rb and possibly sent me harassing anons (idk for sure)”

I do not have a Tumblr. This account is made by someone else, posting on my behalf. But if you really are confident that it’s me reblogging these posts and sending harassing anons, post the blog and the anons. If you don’t know for sure, why did you post this?

“You literally just… didn’t want me included because I wouldn't let you ship your OC with Ibara.”

As seen here, this claim is completely false. I explicitly mentioned that I had no problems with the pairing, but asked them to let me know prior next time to ensure the RP is consistent. I may have vaguely talked about an original story I was writing with my OC and Ibara outside of RP, but within the context of the RP, I have clearly stated that I was fine with the direction Lolthia wanted.

None of what they had mentioned was communicated to me at all before the start of the RP. They didn’t even acknowledge what I said, just responding with ‘well I figured it would be obvious’.

Lolthia’s behaviour here is consistent with their stated intention in the previous post: to RP not because they want to collaborate, but because they want other writers to expend time and effort to fulfil their self-ship fantasies, without giving as much in return. Therefore, they didn’t bother giving context, let alone asking if their RP partners were okay with it.

“You even stopped our RP after getting mad about me dating Ibara.”

Lolthia stopped the RP themselves after I confronted them for ranting on their public blog about a communication issue they were unhappy with in this server.

Someone alerted me that they were talking about their RP server on their blog. I was concerned about those in the server who were on Tumblr. As their RP partner, I requested that they delete it and talk to us first in the future. We then had the following conversation.

The conversation ended with this rude remark and Lolthia proceeded to be inactive for a long time before starting the argument in the previous post.

“I got tired of constant pings asking me for stuff”/ “I… asked to stop being pinged because I was going through enough”

I need you to understand that you are the admin of the server. We needed your help to create threads to hold our RPs in. Instead of not saying anything when we pinged you only to throw a tantrum about it, why didn’t you pass the permissions or moderator roles to someone else, or at least notify us that you’d be inactive for a certain amount of time?

In the post where we were planning an RP and pinged you - If your interpretation of ‘maybe they can come in later to keep the narrative consistent’ is us excluding you, that’s honestly a you problem, mate.

TO LOLTHIA/JADE

Only one of the claims you have made against me is correct. Yes - presently, I do not like you. But it’s not because you are whatever you identify as, or that you ship with a specific character.

I do not like you because you vagued your own server members, including myself, on your public blog. When I found out and asked you to edit out the mention of our server at minimum, you still had the gall to try to convince me it didn’t affect anyone but yourself.

I do not like you for insulting my friends and I as writers by saying we were ‘just an alternative to character.AI’ all along. And as people, by comparing us to the hate anons who had sent you death threats when we did nothing of the sort. Then, twisting the above into these accusations, without a shred of proof to go with them.

I am a ROLEPLAYER. Ibara to me is no more than a character and piece of intellectual property.

You:

Explicitly conveyed that your position was to use us to help you get validation for your alleged ‘relationships’ in a similar way to Character.AI.

Took out your jealousy towards other fandom members onto us, even getting emotional when we merely talked about and shared screenshots of characters you liked.

When we didn’t give you attention to your liking, accused us of ostracising you and wanting you dead.

Threw a tantrum at us for pinging you for basic admin duties as the server owner, because it wasn’t attention or praise.

The only irrational one here is not myself, but you, and the hard evidence in these two posts is overwhelming.

I won’t be entertaining any further responses. Please be reminded that any attempt to post my personal information publicly will be met with action by me.

TO OTHER USERS

Q: Did you make both these posts and the document?

No, these posts are follow-ups to the document containing evidence, made by a different person.

Q: Why did you feel the need to engage them rather than leave the server?

We had already talked only amongst ourselves, ignored any vents they had and began our own server long before these events.

Engaging them was at first a personal choice to defend my friends, who had done nothing wrong. At the time, I was not aware that this was common behaviour for them.

The comparison between us and the death threat anons, which could affect my friends’ reputations, was the most compelling reason for me to attempt straightening this out.

Q: Why has this post been made almost a year later?

Yes, I do agree that from the looks of it, Lolthia’s actions are old news. After I was informed, I personally did not want anything to do with them, and decided to let it go.

However, recently, my friends in the same fandom spaces have not had the luxury of curating their own online experiences because according to them, they are constantly remaking blogs. Furthermore, it was not easy for them to work up the courage to make this post, as being wrongfully accused of wanting someone’s death is not easy for anyone. So, I decided to back them up with the hard evidence they lacked.

Thank you for reading.

#ok to reblog #ok to rb #I may as well also say something in the tags (I am the one posting on someone else's behalf):#I myself hope this is the last post made on here as well. There is nothing more to add honestly.#This is honestly getting tiring. I know you will read this Jade one way or another. You will come across it.#If you have evidence for the contrary and can prove that you are in the right please do so (I already know you can't).#You will claim to be 'harrassed' but that is not our intention (anyone sending you harrassment or threats is not behavior we tolerate).#(Also no we are sending no one after you nor 'stalk your blog'. Don't act as if we don't have anything better to do... Because we do)#Let me tell you a secret Jade: You are NOT important. We only had enough of your behavior online since it does not change. At all.#It affects others - It affected us and it is affecting the communities you are in as well as a good portion of their members.#Please let it go already. But you can't. Because... As you said yourself 'Any attention is good attention'.#And some of your current mutuals will try to say 'it adds fuel to the fire'. This is not the intention in any way.#The only intention is to document Jade's online behavior and warn others. Because they have already gone too far.#This is to document and prove that they are no different no matter where they go. We only want to spread awareness.#It is not just me and the other person who are sick of it. Many others are sick of it as well. We want it to stop.#Their actions affect others nowadays as well. Only last month there was yet another incident heavily affecting another person.#Why? Because Jade thought it was necessary to make a 'callout post'. Even though the situation was long over.#This should have been long over and everyone involved is trying to move on. But you Jade make it impossible. This has gone on far enough.#Not to mention having been exposed to your drama and graphic vents (which at least sound suicide baity) have also stressed me out.#I kept out of the drama but it was affecting my mental state as well. All because you manage to land yourself into so many controversies.#I moved blogs because I had enough of your shit. Seeing it day in and out does a lot to a person.#'But no one cares about me' - We do not wish you ill (that is the truth) but this has to stop somehow. You are not the victim here.#It's always others but honestly... Given how much shit you got yourself into maybe you are to blame. This isn't normal after all.#Maybe ask yourself what you are doing wrong. But you won't. You never will. You will paint us as 'the bad ones' here.#That's the only thing you know how to do. You cannot owe up to anything and you are proving it time and time again. Even now.#Why do you get defensive now and not when the document dropped? Because there is solid evidence for your bullshit. That's why. You know it.#Deleting because you will throw a temper tantrum? No. Forget it. But again if you have proof for your claims come forward.#To me personally if you wish. But beware: This is not the first time I have dealt with this bullshit. I know this behavior all too well.#You are pulling bullshit I have already seen. My advice is to just log off already and sort your problems out.#This is not the first time I dealt with your type. You show the pattern I honestly expect and you will react as I expect.

6 notes · View notes

whumperstorm · 11 months

Text

Zephyr drabble No. 1 - Whipping

(Note: Zephyr uses she/he pronouns interchangeably)

content warnings: mentions of past self harm, "it" as a pronoun ~~~

The rope on Zephyr's wrists rub painful marks into her skin. They took away her gloves, so the rough fibers dig directly into her flesh. It wouldn't be so bad if she stopped struggling, but she can't. She can't help it. She's tied to a pillar, her arms pulled up and around so her back is on full display and her chest is pressed against the pole. Her legs are free, but she's already tried kicking out at her assailants to no avail. She can hear them around her, their footsteps on the concrete and their hateful muttering, but they're too far away to hit.

A sharp crack has Zephyr flinching. He gasps at the sound, trying to discern its source. It kind of sounded like a...

"What- What do you want??" he asks desperately.

"Fucking freak," is the only response. "Pretending to be a person."

Zephyr sobs. He is a person! He has a family and a life. He was born and he can talk and laugh and live just like them! But all they see are his "additions". The animistic teeth and ears that mark him as "other". The magic he embraced so readily, thinking it made him special. Made him a superhero.

"P-please, I just wanted to help-" she says.

"You can help by screaming nice and loud for us."

For a moment, all Zephyr hears is another crack that echos through her eardrums. Then suddenly, a burst of agony tears across her back, ripping open her shirt and skin alike. She shouts in pain and surprise, spine arching away from the pain.

Yep. That's a whip.

Zephyr's struggles begin anew, wrists protesting his movements. He knows they aren't going to stop at one strike. He's read history and he knows how this works. There's a lesson to be learned, a price to pay. He feels something hot trickle down his back and knows he's bleeding. His thoughts flash back to another time, when his arms wept blood from a different kind of cut, all lined up in rows, and he chokes. I don't want to bleed anymore!

Another strike lands across her lower back where her crop-top doesn't reach. The pain doubles with no fabric to slice through, and she wails. A spark of electricity shoots out from her body, but wherever they’ve set her up is made of wood and her tormentors are too far away.

"Look at that!" one shouts. "That coulda killed us!"

No, NO it was an accident! Please, stop hurting me...

The strikes speed up now. Lash after lash rain down on her until her shirt is in tatters. Distantly she's disappointed, it's her favorite one. Her entire back screams, and her voice follows along. As the pain stacks and the cuts begin to overlap and dig deeper, her screams turn feral. A growl crawls out from her throat and her voice becomes guttural as she writhes.

"It really is a fucking monster..."

"See? You can't hide what you are."

One strike goes too high. It hits his upper shoulder and wraps around his neck. He chokes as it slices through the delicate skin of his throat and snags on his collar.

"Ah, shit," says the one holding the whip.

The cut didn't go deep, but the cord is stuck. Zephyr whines. Help, I can't breathe! He's already lightheaded from the torture and blood loss and now he wobbles on his feet.

"I'll get it."

Hands touch him, fingers dig into his throat.. Zephyr panics and flinches away, but there's nowhere for him to go. His hair is yanked back to expose his neck and he cries like a wounded animal. Tears pour down his face.

"Fucking- Hold still!" the voice spits. Too close. The pressure on her neck is released and she can breathe clearly again. She gasps, and her legs buckle. She falls until her arms are pulled taut and she's hanging, her knees not quite touching the ground. Her shoulders burn from the pressure, and her flayed back sings as the skin is stretched tight.

She's losing grasp of the world around her. The pain rules over everything and her ears ring. After a minute, or maybe an hour, there's more lashes. The pain is as agonizing as before, but now all she can do is flinch. Her head hangs. She feels nauseous. Distantly she hears voices, muffled like they’re underwater.

"...no fun.."

"...eave it here and..."

"...nna die anyway."

Zephyr's wrists are cut loose and he falls. Unable to catch himself, his head smacks into the ground with a groan. There's a kick to his side, almost dull compared to the fire of his back. Then, with his cheek pressed to the ground, blood and tears pooling around him, Zephyr falls into blissful unconsciousness.

#my writing #zephyr #last chance #tw self harm #uhhh im new with content warnings so please let me know if i should add something #hope you like it! there will be a part 2 #whump

14 notes · View notes

starriesse · 1 month

Text

[ID: Three almost identical fifteen striped flags. The second and fourteenth stripes have large bumps facing inwards. The fourth to sixth and tenth to twelfth stripes have small bumps facing inwards. The middle stripe is thinner than the rest. The colors, from top to bottom, are dark pinkish-red, wine red, deep rose pink, pinkish red, soft pink, pinkish red, light rose, white, light rose, pinkish red, soft pink, pinkish red, deep rose pink, wine red, and dark pinkish-red. The middle flag has an icon of a stylized dark pinkish-red microphone, while the other two flags do not have this icon. End ID]

♡ ⁔⁔ SADIDOLIC ... !!

[PT: Sadidolic. End PT]

— A gender related to sadism and idols. This may be interpreted as being a sadistic idol, but really can be any way the user wishes to entwine the two ideas. May also relate to being a deceptively sweet idol who hides their sadistic side, but it doesn't have to.

— In this context, sadism is not meant to be sexual. However, I cannot stop the user from interpreting it as such.

4 notes · View notes

terriblysims · 9 months

Text

When The Urge Hits

#terrible plays bg3 #Ereldra #I will post bg3 a million times in a row #no breaks!!#rip quil #I had to save alfira #my dark urge playthrough has been so scarring lmao #bg3 #baldur's gate 3 #bg3 spoilers #baldur's gate 3 spoilers #tw blood #tw death #I'm not sure what else I should tag in terms of tw's #so please let me know if I should add something

5 notes · View notes

just-about-nothing · 2 years

Text

i’m not really interacting with it but i am living for the heychris drama that is going down tonight it’s so great

from what i understand, chris gutierrez (heychris), pete wentz’s ex best friend and professional shit stirrer, has been stirring shit up on twitter in various ways:

-posting censored and uncensored pictures of his ass tattoo (that matches pete wentz’s reverse tramp stamp that they got to delineate who would top and bottom. this is arguably one of pete’s most famous tattoos, although not for that reason). heychris has also been notably cagey about if that’s actually why he has the bartskull on his ass but like. he literally posted about it on lj in 2004 so. i don’t know if he was getting the ass tattoo retouched or no, i’m honestly a little confused here.

-being like ‘lol remember that time in like 2006 pete & mikey way cuddled with each other in jeffree starr’s “shitty la apartment” and posted pictures of that. this did a number of things: 1) remind everyone that heychris lowkey highkey ships petekey and like. always has. 2) remind everyone of what a leech j* was but also remind everyone that j* was actually a relatively active part of the scene (there’s a picture goin around of gabe saporta and j* joking around. belgh). 3) probably irritates pete wentz

-posts a picture of himself with gerard way whilst gerard was in the nurse costume. they’re like hanging out at some restaurant somewhere. this is in response to someone asking him if he can get gerard back on twitter. i am like 90% sure he was also backstage at a my chem concert a few weeks ago

-being like ‘I AM IN THE BEST POSITION TO GET US THAT FOB8′ or whatever. this one i am soooo doubtful about given where pete & heychris left things but like. have it your way dude. (he also said they’re the michael jordan of pop punk like.... three hours ago so that’s nice. i really really do not know if anyone in fob is on speaking terms with heychris to be perfectly honest)

-he also said mikey way and pete wentz were “directly responsible for some of the best moments in my life”. which is very darling i will admit. he does seem to really really adore mikeyway which is. interesting. (at one point someone sent him a picture of mikey and he was like ‘look at how handsome my boy is!’ has also said his favorite bassist is michael)

i certainly left out context but if we were gonna wait til the whole heychris story is typed out, he’ll have started more shit & then i’ll have to start over

#i rant #hey chris #fall out boy #my chemical romance #bandom #long post #please feel free to let me know if i made an error somewhere or you think i should add something!!

14 notes · View notes

captainshyguy · 2 years

Text

looking at the list of confirmed returning pokemon for scarlet and violet i cant help but feel nervous X] no gastrodon yet, and it HAS been in almost every single pokemon game since its release so im worried they’re gonna give it a break... (then again snorunt has been in every pokemon game i’ve played too so...)

and then also just.... out of the returning pokemon families so far, 50 were in sword and shield (including the expansion pass) and 22 weren’t...

#i could be wrong but i feel like there's pokemon that i hvent seen in gen 7 let alone gen 8 #like idk the elemental monkeys or something #hence why i think its super cool theyre adding skiddo and deerling and stuff #lik ofc evry pokemon should be able to get in the game anyway like gen 7 where as long as u had bank u could being in whatever #but its nice they're catchable in game i guess?#i dont know i know i havent played bdsp OR lgpe so most of those would have already been covered #plus theres ones from gen 7 they didnt add again like minior give me minior do it <3 #but MAN im sweating a little like cmon please give me my squishy i've had her in ever game blease #horribl feeling they'll drop it in but it'll only be west sea KJFNSKGNGKDS #luke rambles #though i fguess with thatu can stil transfer east since the reverse was true in swsh #i think im also worried because a lot of the pokemon i wanted to use one day just arent here yet #whiscash flygon togekiss goodra dhelmise appletun etc #like dont get me wrong i plan to use mostly new pokemon where i can #but i do also tend to only use designs i actually like so it highly depends on what there is #i mean i suppose i can use most of those during my inevitable replays of usum that i need to do so i can shiny hunt legendaries #but still X]

6 notes · View notes

drchucktingle · 4 months

Text

THE TEXAS LIBRARY ASSOCIATION TELLS CHUCK TINGLE TO STAY HOME BUT WE PROVE LOVE ANYWAY

just when you buckaroos thought 2024 would be a break from book drama, here comes chuck tingle in the mix. recently i was asked to be a featured speaker at the TEXAS LIBRARY ASSOCIATION annual conference. a few days ago they rescinded my invitation. here is what happened.

(EDITED TO ADD THIS LINK. if you have a hard time reading this on way of tumblr you can also read for free on chucks patreon)

i would like to start off by saying it is not my intent to start a fight, and all those reading this should know that the actions of a few misguided folks do not speak for the whole TEXAS LIBRARY ASSOCIATION. i am sure there are many involved who will be very upset to learn what others at TLA have done in their name. there are many individuals here, so please do not paint them all as villains in your mind. besides, chuck loves the dang library everyone knows that.

the point of writing this is not to vilify. i am writing this is because MOMENTS OF DARKNESS are the best places to SHINE A LIGHT AND PROVE LOVE IS REAL. this is a perfect time for learning and growing and for us talk on some very important things that queer buckaroos and neurodivergent buckaroos face every day. this is an unfortunate moment that WE can turn around and use to prove love is real.

i am also writing this to understand some of my own personal feelings on the matter. for something that seems very simple on the surface, the trot is complex, and i am still working out my emotions on the whole dang thing. i am learning in this way.

PART ONE: BAG OF LOVE

a few months ago chuck was asked to be a featured speaker at the 2024 TEXAS LIBRARY ASSOCIATION ANNUAL CONFERENCE. i have been asked to do things like the before and it is ALWAYS a fun time to meet bookseller and librarian buds. trotting around face to face and talking about my story of conquering chronic pain and overcoming my mental hurdles is VERY IMPORTANT to me. i say YES to these things whenever i can. (here i am with authors at CALIFORNIA INDEPENDENT BOOKSELLERS ALLIANCE conference. they are a WONDERFUL group and they proved love with their OWN invitation to chuck. this was such a moving event with so many amazing authors and stories. got very teared up during this photo)

ANYWAY BUCKAROOS i get the TEXAS LIBRARY ASSOCIATION invite and say 'YES BUD LETS TROT'. we are then confirmed.

months pass. a few weeks ago i get a call from my manager and agent and publisher saying ‘the TLA have rescinded their invitation.’

turns out some things had been going on behind the scenes

at some point the TLA asked chucks INCREDIBLE HEROIC BAD ASS PUBLISHER if chuck would be okay with not wearing the mask, to which tor/nightfire/macmillan said ‘what the heck are you talking about of course chuck is going to wear his mask. this is how chuck presents himself’ (NOT EXACT QUOTE)

as you all know, my pink bag way is a VERY IMPORTANT SPACE. as an autistic buckaroo it is a boundary that allows me to express myself freely and relieve my chronic pain from neurotypically masking all day. i have talked about this for years, and it is why i consider my private identity a SACRED THING. it is literally a health issue.

fortunately THE PINK BAG is never really a problem when making appearances. i have spent years going on television shows, doing interviews, speaking at other conferences and conventions, hosting book events on tour, and even MEETING WITH LAWYERS in my pink face covering. it is always respected and that is very validating to my way.

when arriving anywhere i always take precautions. i always warn buckaroos ahead of time that there is a masked man coming. i always have someone go in ahead of me JUST IN CASE. again, there has never been an issue. at a big conference where i am a special guest there is ESPECIALLY not an issue because my face and bio are printed IN THE DANG PROGRAM

SOME FUN TIMES AT BIG EVENTS BELOW:

CHUCK ON TV SHOW NAME OF 'AT MIDNIGHT' BACK BEFORE I WROTE LOVE IS REAL ON MY HEAD:

well, there has never been an issue.... UNTIL NOW.

PART TWO: RESCINDED

a few days ago TEXAS LIBRARY ASSOCIATION suddenly messaged my publishers and said that chuck tingle is no longer invited. my invitation was rescinded. the reason given was that people could possibly be uncomfortable with my mask

right out of the gate i would like to say this: it is absolutely the right of the texas library association to disinvite someone from their conference. it is their event, after all, and they can ban anyone they would like, for any reason.

of course, that doesnt mean other folks HEARING THIS NEWS wont have their own opinions the TLA choices. if the TLA disinvites someone, their reasoning for doing this can be discussed and analyzed. whether or not they follow their own guidelines can be questioned, and certainly their kindness and tact can be considered

there are a few BIG POINTS to make regarding this choice from the TLA

first and foremost, i just gotta say buckaroos, it is incredibly rude to invite someone to be a guest speaker at your event, have them confirm and mark off their calendar and turn down other offers, then rescind their invitation. this is maybe the simplest of the points, but it is an important one.

second, (DEEP BREATH HERE WE GO BUCKAROOS) i personally do not think of my autism as a disability very often, but i also KNOW that despite these feelings it ABSOLUTELY IS. autism is important to be listed as a recognized disability because of the help some autistic buckaroos need regarding government programs and things like that. ALSO just because my neurodivergence has helped me in some ways (hyperfocus and a unique artistic sensibility for example). i personally need to step back and remember my battle with stress and chronic pain from having to neurotypically mask all the time. for as much as i love being autistic it has made some things very difficult.

in other words, i am perfectly capable of speaking and interacting with folks without this pink bag on my head BUT WHEN I AM IN THE CHUCK TINGLE SPACE I REQUIRE IT. i can ONLY use this space while covering my face. is not a want. it is a need. holding this boundary is more important than i can ever say. i will not, and can not, let these spaces cross.

TLA not letting an autistic author wear the face cover theyve set up to express their neurodivergence in a safe, healthy way is--for lack of a better term--NOT A GOOD LOOK.

i cannot fathom them disinviting another author for using a disability aid. i cannot fathom them saying that a buckaroo who hears better with a hearing device cannot use it during their panel because it would make others 'uncomfortable'.

but here we are.

PART THREE: WHAT DOES A BUCKAROO GOTTA DO TO GET BANNED AROUND HERE?

this is the TLAs official stance on disability issues according to their website:

when poking around on the TLA website i noticed a few other things. i noticed a previous guest speaker wearing a niqab, and i was left wondering if the religious significance is what make that okay but chuck tingle banned. that made sense until i looked deeper and saw mascot buckaroos dressed up on the exhibition floor, and saw some kind of spiderbud in a costume contest. nobody around them seemed to be all that scared. their invitations REMAINED INTACT.

it should be mentioned here that AT ONE POINT during the discussions an email was sent from TLA saying chuck is allowed to come and wear his mask in the exhibition halls and smaller panels, just not at any of the big PAID PANELS i was once supposed to participate on. this was a confusing offer, but their explanation was that people who paid for something should have the option to not see chucks 'scary neurodivergence aid'. i tried to wrap my head around WHY they would make a distinction. maybe the exchange of money (rather than time) causes some kind of philosophical adjustment that i just cant grasp?

i wonder, would the author who wears a niqab ALSO be banned from the paid panels? i hope not

my answers trotted up short until i investigated deeper and found this quick moment from one of the TLA help videos. while some events DO require additional buckaroo cash, it actually appears that THE ENTIRE CONFERENCE IS TICKETED AND COSTS MONEY.

at this point i realized there is clearly no actual official policy about not covering your face (other than one from a few years ago saying that you HAVE to cover your face), and the addition of 'money' is a red herring. these excuses make no sense

PART FOUR: CLOSE THOSE GATES

it appears that my neurodivergence is 'scary' enough to get me uninvited, REGARDLESS what their disability and mask policies may say

BUT WHY? why is chucks preferred physical presentation valued SO little by the TLA that a THEORETICAL complaint is worth more? is my neurodivergent expression so awful? is my own safety as a queer activist such an afterthought?

is a pink bag with the words 'love is real' scrawled across the front REALLY going to frighten someone when the posters and pamphlets on the way into in panel would have a photo of my masked face saying THIS IS LITERALLY WHO IS ABOUT TO APPEAR BEFORE YOU.

if THAT accommodation is too much, would it really be so difficult to have someone trot out beforehand and make an announcement? to say 'there is someone on this upcoming panel who needs a mask to express this part of himself, if this makes you uncomfortable then this panel might not be for you'.

and really, i have to heckin ask, is this physical expression of my raw inner truth really so hideous and frightening that fear of making someone uncomfortable is a REAL problem?

(a terrifying display of autism. apparently)

i cannot imagine what kind of precautions they need to take before a stage play featuring costumes and masks.

you MIGHT think chucks queerness and left leaning politics could be the issue with this organization, but they have had drag queens as past speakers (also featuring some GLORIOUS makeup and hair that covers almost all of their faces. VERY CURIOUS). regardless, the TLA do not seem like a conservative bunch.

if you are bisexual or an autistic person who is good at 'passing' you probably already know where this is headed, your dang spiderbuckaroo senses are tingling at FULL ALERT. i will say i do not KNOW the real reason why i was uninvited, and i do not have enough information to make any concrete statement of the real answer. there is only evidence that masks have been fine at TEXAS LIBRARY ASSOCIATION events in the past, but not much else to go on.

so the FACTS part of our discussion ends there, but i think it opens us up to talk about some very important feelings that bisexual and autistic buckaroos know well.

THIS is where we take a unfortunate, hurtful moment and turn it into a discussion. this is where we prove love is real.

as someone who is constantly doubted and put through purity tests because of my unique way, we are pushing up against a subject i know well. thats right buckaroos: we are talking GATEKEEPING

AGAIN, i do not know if this is the answer, but someone in my position might be VERY STRONGLY INCLINED TO THINK that a few well-meaning left leaning buckaroos think i am a joke and that this is a character, and that there is something problematic about my work because i am not really a real person.

any upstanding left leaning organization would OF COURSE allow a mask for a neurodivergent buckaroo with an unusual visual presentation, an autistic buckaroo who conquered his chronic pain ONLY by creating this important space... but what about a FAKE autistic buckaroo?

any upstanding left leaning organization would OF COURSE allow a mask for a queer LGBTQ activist standing up for gay and trans rights against a torrent of scoundrels hunting for his legal identity. its a matter of safety... but what about a FAKE queer activist?

let me be very clear for the 100th time: i am a real person. this is not a joke. i am not playing a character. i am really autistic and bisexual. tinglers are sincere and they are not ‘so bad theyre good’. they are just good. camp damascus is not ‘my first serious book’ because my queer erotica is serious. my art is important and real.

when people tell me to unmask they often do not know WHY they want it, and of course one very good reason is innocent curiosity. but there are SOME cases where i start to get THAT feeling--that tingle all of us ‘passing’ buckaroos get when we can sense the real intent behind the poking and prodding. that is the feeling of stumbling into a gatekeepers crosshairs.

if i was to take off my pink bag, what about my face would you analyze to tell if i was REALLY queer. my eye color? my ear shape? if you learned my legal name, would you see if it sounded autistic? is my voice neurodivergent enough?

or is all of that utterly absurd? i am curious what the TEXAS LIBRARY ASSOCIATION thinks.

PART FIVE: GENDERED

this will be the shortest of parts, but it has to be said. i have a very complex relationship with gender, as written about at length here and here. i understand these things can be difficult to parse for some, but i ask that you trust me when i say that the ONLY reason i have been able to talk about my gender and sexuality and learn these things about myself is because of this pink bag. this outward appearance is a direct expression and reflection of my gender journey.

if the texas library association does not care about my appearance as an expression of my autism, then i cant imagine them giving a dang about it as an expression of my gender and queerness. that being said, it is personally very important to me and i think it should be mentioned

PART SIX: SO YOU WANT TO REMOVE AN AUTISTIC QUEER AUTHOR FROM YOUR EVENT BECAUSE PEOPLE MIGHT FIND THEIR DIFFERENCES SCARY

there is a question to be asked here: how could the TLA have done this correctly?

i have one very big piece of advice i would like to shout from the rooftops. please, for the love of sweet barbara, DO ENOUGH RESEARCH to know if this appearance will be a problem and, IF SO, dont extend an invitation in the first place. unique buckaroos with different presentations are constantly left in this place of limbo because we are bombarded with careless actions like those of the TLA. before you consider extending a branch to an artist who might need more accommodations than usual, think to yourself 'CAN WE MAKE THESE ACCOMMODATIONS?'

putting all of this on the shoulders of a single 'buckaroo with a difference' is exhausting. as the TLA has shown, we currently live on a timeline where a buckaroo like myself never really knows if an invite is SOLID without doing a deep dive history lesson on how often a group discriminates and against who.

i did not want to spend my whole family holiday worrying whether or not i should say something publicly or just lie down and shut my dang mouth. i had to consider HOW i should say it. i had to worry whether or not its worth standing up for myself in the face of the largest state library association in the country. i think buckaroos with differences are with me when i say: WE ARE SICK OF HAVING TO DO THIS WORK TO COVER FOR THE POOR BEHAVIOR OF LARGE ORGANIZATIONS WHO TREAT US BADLY

another option would just be to use kindness and common sense and happily accommodate artists with unique presentations to your conventions

PART SEVEN: LOVE IS STILL REAL

i would like to close by saying THANK YOU to my publisher nightfire and editor kelly for standing up for me. they immediately stood firm and had my back. they are the real dang deal. THANK YOU to my management and agent buds dongwon and gino for trotting along beside me. THANK YOU to the folks at the texas library association who initially invited chuck with goodness in their heart and then likely got bowled over by someone else, and maybe even got knocked to the side by a big closing gate.

i hope there are librarians in texas who are still interested in carrying BURY YOUR GAYS when it comes out (which is ironically about someone who creates a space through art to express their queerness where they cant otherwise). libraries prove love is real and what they do IS SO IMPORTANT. it was SO IMPORTANT TO ME as a young buckaroo and i cannot thank you enough. i am not sure if me writing all of this will hurt my sales in some way, but this opportunity to speak about the reality of disability awareness and queer gatekeeping is too important to stay silent. (if you have not already preordered BURY YOUR GAYS then give it a preorder to make up for some texas library losses i guess.)

which leads me to my final thank you. THANK YOU to the buckaroos reading this. yes YOU. i am in the position to stand up and speak my mind against scoundrel forces ONLY because i have the might of you buckaroos by my side. the buckaroo trot is ALL OF OUR TROT and we are ALL HERE TO PROVE LOVE. i cannot tell you how much i appreciate the way you have created a space for me to express these important parts of myself. you have seen this pink mask over my face and saying YES, I ACCEPT YOU, you have literally saved my life. for that i am so thankful.

if you are UPSET by what youve read here, then turn it into something positive. you can support autistic creators, or make a donation to the AUTISTIC SELF ADVOCACY NETWORK

and besides WHO IS REALLY MISSING OUT? this is what it looks like when you invite the worlds greatest author chuck tingle to your event and treat their identity as valid. WE HAVE A DANG GOOD TIME

youtube

KEEP TROTTING INTO THE FUTURE. KEEP KICKING DOWN GATES WHEREVER THEY MAY BE. KEEP PROVING LOVE IS REAL AND PROVING IT TOGETHER. lets go buckaroos - chuck

UPDATE AN HOUR AFTER POSTING:

true buckaroo TJ KLUNE was set to be another author on panel chuck was removed from and has informed me he has now chosen to decline his invitation in support and solidarity with chuck. i am so deeply moved by this. thank you from bottom of heart buckaroo

to be very clear TJ has a huge platform and DOES NOT NEED TO DO THIS. these conferences are great for book sales and he is taking a hit out of pure solidarity. this is queer buckaroos standing up for eachother. i am floored by this kindness and love

please consider checking out his books if they are not already covering your dang bookshelf. chuck blurbed IN THE LIVES OF PUPPETS and i was blown away i heckin loved it

MOST RECENT UPDATE:

here is more

#love is real #chuck tingle #tingleverse #texas library association #actually autistic #lgtbqia #Youtube

10K notes · View notes