#just to be on the safe side | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

bluerose5 · 11 months

Text

For Old Times' Sake

Pairings: Anders(+Justice)/Male Hawke/Nathaniel Howe

Rating: M

Word Count: 6,912

Summary: After helping Nathaniel out in the Deep Roads, he and Anders have a lot to catch up on, but Garrett Hawke isn't the slightest bit deterred by the history between them.

AO3 Link. Along with links to posts from deedeemactir and zevsurana that inspired certain parts/headcanons mentioned in this fic. :D

...

Garrett kept a close eye on Nathaniel Howe.

Not that he did anything untoward, nor did Garrett think him to be a suspicious sort. On the contrary, he seemed reliable enough, and he definitely piqued the Champion's interest.

On their way out of the Deep Roads, Garrett fell back to walk at Anders' side. They took up the rear with Fenris and Varric a few paces in front of them, Nathaniel and Carver taking the lead. Aside from Garrett, they thought it best to keep the Wardens positioned in the outer ranks to lessen the others’ chances of coming into contact with tainted blood, should the darkspawn attack again.

With Nathaniel and Anders being more attuned to the darkspawn taint than Carver, they were pretty certain that the coast was clear, but better to be safe than sorry, they said.

Garrett chose to ease his way back to Anders’ side, despite his warning stare.

“You’re supposed to be with the others,” Anders said in place of a greeting, his brow furrowed in concern.

Snorting, Garrett wrapped an arm around his waist, which almost instantly sapped Anders of all that tension.

“Perhaps, but I trust my handsome Grey Warden to come to my rescue at the first sign of trouble.”

“Is that so?” Anders asked, amused. “Also, technically, I’m your former Grey Warden. You know that.”

“I’m trying to paint a heroic picture here, my love.”

“Fair enough.”

They exchanged a warm smile.

After a moment, Garrett cleared his throat.

“So…” He trailed off, his expression sly. “Nathaniel, huh?”

Anders raised a brow at him in turn.

“What about him?” he said, but Garrett was far from oblivious, noting how he shuffled against his side.

“If I didn’t know any better,” he said, lowering his voice to a mere whisper, “I would think that you like Nathaniel.” He shrugged. “Or maybe Justice does. Or both of you.”

Anders gaped at the suggestion.

“I, uh—” He coughed, suddenly unable to meet his eyes. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Uh-huh.” Garrett smirked. “Then why are you blushing?”

Without thinking, Anders smacked a hand up to his cheek, which was indeed warm to the touch, but he wouldn’t give Garrett the satisfaction of being right.

“I am not!” he objected.

“Of course not.”

Before they could devolve into a bickering mess, Nathaniel called back to the group, "We see the exit! Just ahead!"

"Oh, thank the Maker," Varric groaned. "Fresh air! And my feet are killing me!"

"Did you complain this much on the actual expedition, dwarf?" Fenris muttered.

"Before or after my brother's infamous betrayal?" he questioned, then continued on before he could get a word in. "Tell you what, I'll go ahead and save you the time of responding to that. The answer to both is yes."

Well, at least he was honest.

With a roll of his eyes, Garrett gave a fond shake of his head.

Their group made a beeline for the exit, but their return trip was only just beginning.

As expected, Carver turned to bid the group farewell, never one to linger long those days.

Despite their earlier exchange underground, Garrett immediately released his hold on Anders to approach Carver instead, wrapping him up in a tight embrace, no hesitation whatsoever. Carver had to stoop over just to reach his short, big brother. His arms hovered in the air for a split second before he returned the hug in kind.

"Must you leave so soon?" Garrett murmured. "It's always so good to see you. Makes everything feel better, if only for a moment."

Carver buried his face into his hair, releasing a shaky breath.

"You know I can't," he said. "I need to report back."

Eventually, with great effort, he pried Garrett away. His hands remained fixed upon his shoulders, keeping him at arm's length.

Garrett swallowed thickly.

"Yeah," he whispered. "Alright. Just—Just stay safe, you hear? Be careful."

Carver spared him a smile.

"Always am, but you do the same. Don't go setting the city aflame again anytime soon, alright?"

Garrett chuckled.

"I'll try my best."

Once he departed, Garrett turned to the others. Rather than linger on their sympathetic looks, he addressed Nathaniel directly.

"What about you?" he asked, head cocked to the side. "How long are you sticking around these parts? Or do you have some urgent Grey Warden business to attend to as well?"

Nathaniel shrugged.

"I'm going to send my report to the Commander. Then, I—"

"The Commander?" Anders narrowed his eyes at that. "I thought you were here on the First Warden's orders."

"I am," Nathaniel answered, a bit too quickly, but it didn't take a genius to catch how defensive he was. "The First Warden ordered the investigation, but is it so bad that Darrian wants to keep tabs on the rest of us? After everything we've been through?"

"He doesn't keep tabs on me," Anders pointed out, trying his best not to feel insulted by that fact, but ultimately failing.

Crossing his arms over his chest, Nathaniel scoffed.

"So far as you know," Nathaniel retorted. "Do you honestly believe that one of the Kings of Ferelden, that the Hero of Ferelden himself, couldn't track you down if he wanted?"

"Well, he certainly hasn't reached out to me at all, if that was the case," Anders stated, bitter.

Nathaniel bristled at his tone.

Garrett exchanged a wary glance with the others.

Maybe it would be best to intervene somehow.

"Hey, now, guys, let's just—"

Both of them snapped their heads to the side in tandem, glaring at the intrusion.

"Stay out of it!" they snapped.

Garrett threw his hands up in surrender.

"Staying out of it," he agreed.

"You want to know why the rest of us haven't contacted you over the years?" Nathaniel spat.

"Enlighten me," Anders sneered.

"Because you left, just as you always do," Nathaniel stated, jabbing a finger in his direction. "Instead of going to Commander Tabris, instead of coming to me when you had trouble with the Wardens, you left!" Drained of what energy he had left from their excursion, he pursed his lips, his expression hurt. "I didn't even get a goodbye. Then again, should I have expected anything else? Our beloved Anders, always the escape artist."

When he didn't respond, Nathaniel took a deep breath, staring off into the distance, his jaw clenched.

"I wanted to contact you, but Darrian insisted that we give you your space. He didn't want you to feel coerced to stay. Maker, you know that he barely keeps his ties to the Wardens as is. He was trying to be understanding of what you wanted."

"Then why even bother sending you out here in the first place?" Anders countered. "Obviously, the First Warden is only an excuse, so what's out here that Darrian would be interested in? Why send you out to the Free Marches? This area isn't under his command."

Nathaniel snuck a glance at the others, who quickly averted their eyes. Fenris picked at his nails while Varric whistled an all-too-innocent tune, and Garrett busied himself by simply drawing patterns in the dirt with the tip of his shoe.

Overall, quite the convincing performance.

Shifting his attention back to Anders, Nathaniel chewed on the inside of his cheek.

"Darrian asked that I come as a favor to him while he was stuck dealing with the nobility in Ferelden," he explained. "After your expedition, word quickly spread throughout the Grey Wardens' ranks. Darrian wanted to get ahead of this before too many people got involved, before the sites were trampled over in the Wardens' search for darkspawn and riches."

"What were you looking for, if not that?" Anders asked.

His answer knocked the air out of Anders, left him winded like a punch to the gut.

"A cure."

Anders dared not hope.

"A cure for the taint?" he questioned, needing to clarify for certain.

Nathaniel nodded.

"Did you find anything?" Garrett said, unable to contain his curiosity after such a revelation.

"Not a definite answer," Nathaniel told him, "but I have another lead at least."

Garrett couldn't hide his slight disappointment, mostly for Anders' sake, but then he perked up again. He smacked Varric on the shoulder.

"Hey! Didn't Merrill's mirror have the Blight? She cleansed it with blood magic, right?" At the scrunched-up looks on Anders' and Fenris' faces, Garrett snapped his mouth shut. "Just a thought!"

"One that is worth further investigation at the very least, even if nothing comes of it," Nathaniel agreed. "Perhaps I should meet with your friend, though, this Merrill."

"Such mighty heroes of legend, willing to resort to blood magic so easily," Fenris said, the sarcasm almost palpable in his voice.

"We are no heroes," Nathaniel replied, "yet our Order has saved the world many times over, having committed much worse acts than a bit of blood magic in the name of the greater good. Keep that in mind before you judge us."

That being said, he presented an offer to Anders, a futile one, but he wanted to extend it nonetheless.

His expression softened, watching him tenderly.

"We could always use the extra hands, if you're ever interested."

"So could I," Anders countered. "Nathaniel, I can only fight one battle at a time, and the mages here need my help."

"Huh. Interesting."

"What?"

"You never used to be all that interested in the mages' struggles before. What changed?"

"You mean he wasn't always like this?" Fenris muttered to Varric.

"Hard to imagine," Varric said, incredulous.

Anders scowled at them both.

"Believe it or not, but I did always care in a way, no matter what was said in the past," he explained to all of them. "The thing was, I was powerless on my own. I didn't know where to even start. It was so much easier to turn a blind eye and look out for myself as I always did. It was easier to convince myself that I didn't care than it was to give a shit. It's not easy to have to fight tooth and nail every day to even dream about making a dent in our current system, let alone make the drastic changes that I and so many others envision."

Anders took a deep breath. Already, he could feel Justice simmering at the surface of his skin. His presence made his teeth tingle, but he wasn't ready to have that particular conversation with Nathaniel just yet.

For now, they reined themselves in.

"So, yeah," Anders stated, "a lot has changed."

"That, it has," Nathaniel said, "but my offer remains open." He paused, hesitant, wistful almost. "I don't begrudge you the life that you have built here. I merely wish that things could have been different."

The tension thickened around them, so much so that it clung to the air, but Garrett was optimistic. He wanted to reach out to them both, to bridge the sudden gap left between them.

“Well, surely you don’t have to leave so soon, do you, Nathaniel?” Garrett asked. He approached him, stepping between him and Anders, his hands on his hips with a playful smirk. “Why not stay and catch up? Preferably with less friction, of course.”

Surprised by the offer, Nathaniel blinked owlishly at him.

“I don’t know…” He trailed off, casting a glance in Anders’ direction, uncertain. “I wouldn’t wish to intrude.”

“Nonsense!” Garrett exclaimed. “Besides, you can’t just leave without having a Wicked Grace night at The Hanged Man. It’s the crown jewel of Kirkwall!”

“You don’t say,” Nathaniel hummed.

Of course, Nathaniel had been to Kirkwall before, The Hanged Man included, but he didn't want to dampen Garrett’s mood, his excitement contagious.

“I’m, uh, pretty sure that he’s busy, love,” Anders chided.

“Not too busy,” Nathaniel assured him. “After I send off my reports, all I had planned was to meet up with Sigrun in the Deep Roads.”

“You know, you could always talk to Daisy at The Hanged Man later as well,” Varric suggested.

“Daisy?”

“Merrill,” Garrett clarified.

“Ah, okay.” After thinking it over, Nathaniel shifted in place. “If it’s alright with you, Anders.”

His response was instant, bordering on defensive.

“Yeah, of course, do what you want.” He snorted. “Why would it be a problem?”

“Beats me,” Fenris deadpanned, ignoring Anders’ glare.

“In that case,” Nathaniel said, “I could always make time for a round of drinks.”

“With that kind of talk, perhaps you’ve been spending too much time with Oghren," Anders teased.

"In spite of one's best efforts, that dwarf does tend to rub off on you in one way or another."

Garrett smiled.

"Shall we get going then?" he asked. He stopped to wrinkle his nose at the state of his armor, pinching at the fine leather. "I don't know about the rest of you, though, but I could use a bath —or seven— before we go to Wicked Grace night."

Fenris and Varric grimaced at the reminder.

"Yeah, I think I'll head to the mansion first when we get back, then meet the rest of you there," Fen agreed. "Blighted Deep Roads."

"I'll be scrubbing the stench out for weeks," Varric complained with a pout. "This is my favorite coat."

"Doesn't look much different than the others."

"Thanks for the support, Hawke. It means a lot."

"Always happy to be of service," he laughed. "Nathaniel! Feel free to come by our estate before we go." He emphasized the offer with a hand upon Anders' shoulder, giving it a pointed squeeze. "I'm sure we could find something your size in Anders' or even some of Carver's old clothes."

"Tempting as that is, I think I should really check in with Delilah first," he sighed. "She'll have some of my belongings with her, at least, but I'll definitely head your way before we set out to The Hanged Man."

"Sounds like a plan."

Fenris rolled his eyes at them while Varric shook his head in amusement, undoubtedly jotting down mental notes on how best to spin this scenario for his stories.

As they started on the trek back to Kirkwall, Anders tugged Garrett to his side with a hiss.

"I know what you're doing."

"What?" Garrett asked, feigning innocence. His eyes widened, but that goofy grin of his remained in place. "What am I supposedly doing?"

"You…" Anders huffed. "You're being all friendly and what-not with Nathaniel."

"Oh, that?" Garrett shrugged, but his expression quickly shifted to one of concern. "I mean, if you want me to stop, just say the word."

Good question. Did Anders want him to stop?

"No," he decided, "it's not that." He waved away any worries he might have. "Nate's a big boy. If he's not comfortable with anything you say or do, he'll tell you himself."

"Good to know," Garrett said, "but he's 'Nate' now, huh?"

"We've known each other for a while now," Anders grumbled. "What about it?"

"Nothing." Garrett slipped free from his grasp with a mischievous wink. "Nothing at all."

He strolled up to Nathaniel's side while they walked, Fenris on the other.

Varric settled for a slower pace instead, settling in next to Anders.

While Garrett and Fenris talked with Nathaniel about almost anything and everything —from his life in Ferelden to his time in the Free Marches to his service under the Warden-Commander— Varric struck up a conversation of his own with Anders. He discussed his latest ideas on how to strengthen the protection around the clinic, especially with the templars so active as of late.

Anders nodded here and there, made the occasional noise of agreement, but the majority of his attention was devoted to watching the others, Garrett and Nathaniel specifically.

He simply couldn't look away.

The way they joked and laughed together was a sight to behold, Garrett being the more open and expressive of the two while Nathaniel relied upon his sarcasm and wit.

It didn't help that Garrett was so free with his affection and interest. He definitely cut back on flirting with others since he and Anders entered into a relationship, understandably so, but there was no denying how his body kept gravitating towards Nathaniel while they walked, how he shifted much closer than the careful distance that Fenris kept. Touches and glimpses alike lingered, but Anders found it even more fascinating when Nathaniel started to return that attention in kind.

Unlike the times when others amongst their inner circle made advances towards Garrett, Anders didn't feel that sharp, burning spike of jealousy rear its ugly head again.

No, instead, he felt entranced.

Butterflies fluttered in his stomach. His heart raced. His pulse pounded.

Swallowing thickly, he felt Justice stir at the growing intensity of his emotions.

Varric snapped his fingers at him, startling Anders out of his sudden daze.

"Hey!" Varric said. "Are you even listening to me, Blondie?"

“Wha— Oh, yeah! Of course I was!”

“Uh-huh, sure…” Trailing off, Varric raised an eyebrow at him, unconvinced. “What was I just talking about then?”

“Er, stuff?”

“What sort of stuff?”

“The stuff you talk about when you’re Varric Tethras,” Anders said, “because I was definitely listening.”

“Hey, now, was that a joke? Not from our Anders, no. Someone alert the Chantry!”

“Let’s not and say we did.”

Varric hummed in contemplation, following his earlier line of sight with ease.

“Taking in the view?” he asked. Nodding ahead at Hawke and company, he gave Anders a pointed nudge with his elbow. “Or are you concerned because your boyfriend and your ex are getting along so well?”

“Something like that.”

In all honesty, he was more so surprised by how much it didn’t bother him.

The rest of their return trip passed by with idle chatter, Anders deep in thought.

Once they arrived, everyone went their separate ways. Garrett and Anders made their way to the estate, hand-in-hand, their arms swinging slightly between them.

After greeting Bodahn and the others, they retreated to their room, where Garrett drew them a bath, heating it up to a steaming temperature with his magic. From there, they shed their clothes and set them aside to be cleaned later, the exhaustion from their journey finally catching up to them.

For a moment, they let all their worries fade away into the background.

They washed one another. Reverent touches lingered while they exchanged soft kisses here and there, smiling against each other’s lips. Their hands explored their bodies. Slowly but surely, they wiped away all the dirt and grime that remained until they both were clean.

Then, as they dried off, they whispered sweet nothings against each other’s skin, flushed with warmth.

Dressed in loose shirts and form-fitting pants, they finished getting ready for the evening ahead of them. Anders left his hair down without a care in the world, but he spent more than his fair share of time combing through Garrett’s thick curls for him. He parted his hair, section by section, and took great care when he encountered any particular tangles that made him wince.

Once Garrett was satisfied with the end result, he tied his hair back out of his face, huffing at the few stubborn strands that remained in his eyes.

Together, they trudged down the stairs and into the library.

They sat in front of the fire, leaning into each other’s side.

"You know," Garrett eventually said, "speaking with Nathaniel made me realize that you don't talk much about your time with the Wardens, even now."

Anders shrugged dismissively.

"There's not much to say, in all honesty," he sighed. In the distance, he could hear the front door open as Bodahn greeted their guest. "There were some good times in Amaranthine, I must admit, but we saw just as many unspeakable horrors during our stay there." Even now, he shuddered to think about it. To take his mind off of the memories, he leaned in to whisper to Garrett conspiratorially. "Plus, that Anders, let me tell you. I hear that he was quite an insufferable ass."

Garrett barked out a laugh at that, genuinely caught off guard.

"No, you don't say!" He gasped, then abruptly stopped, giving Anders a swift once-over. "Well, at least nothing has changed much in that regard." When Anders scowled at him, Garrett was quick to backtrack. "Kidding, kidding!"

Nathaniel laughed as he entered the room, attracting their attention.

"Heh, I see why you kept this one around, Anders. He's quite the jokester. Like a certain someone," he added, sitting next to them on the floor, his legs crossed out in front of him. "Unlike you, however, he's actually funny."

Garrett beamed at that, as if he received the highest praise imaginable.

"You hear that, my dear?" Garrett bragged. "Nathaniel thinks that I am funny."

"Yes, love," Anders said, "I heard. Although, I wish I hadn't. Your ego is already big enough without the extra encouragement."

When he pouted, Nathaniel grinned at them, leaning his weight back onto his hands.

Anders tried not to stare too much, but that was easier said than done. Gone were the dirt and carnage from their earlier ventures. Gone was the Grey Warden armor he once wore. In its place, he donned a dark blue shirt with a deep, plunging neckline, crafted from the finest silk. His chest hair was on display, the view tantalizing enough to give even Varric a run for his money. His sleeves were rolled up to his elbows, revealing the musculature of his forearms, only a teasing glimpse of the full picture.

Black pants hugged the shape of his legs. Each shift caused the fabric to pull a little taut around his hips and thighs, the ends tucked neatly into a pair of leather boots.

Of course, if Anders was being even the slightest bit open about his appreciation, then that meant that Garrett was practically undressing Nathaniel with his eyes.

Not that Nathaniel did anything to discourage such attention, his expression smug, almost challenging as he met their eyes.

"So…" Nathaniel watched them both, lips parted. "You were talking about Amaranthine?"

Instantly, Garrett perked up, eager to know more.

"What was it like," he asked, "working with the Hero of Ferelden?"

"About as exciting as it would be to work with the Champion of Kirkwall on a daily basis, I'd imagine," Nathaniel answered. "And, from what I gathered, the crew you gathered around you is just as… unique as ours was back then."

"Yeah, that's an understatement," Anders snorted. "Although, speaking of…"

Garrett and Nathaniel glanced at him questioningly.

Despite his better judgment, he decided to ask anyway.

"How are they?"

Nathaniel thought that over for a moment, humming to himself in contemplation.

"Well, to start, I bet you'd love an update on the most important, littlest man in your life." At Anders' confused look, Nathaniel clarified. "Ser Pounce-a-lot is living a life of luxury, you know."

Oh, how Anders' heart absolutely melted at that news!

"His cat?" Garrett asked.

"The very one."

"He's still alive and kicking?" Anders laughed. "Not that I should have expected any less."

"Well, he's getting up in age; but, when Darrian heard the Wardens tried to take him away, he was upset to say the least. Brought him back to the royal palace, where his grandmother takes care of him. Last I heard, he lives the life of a spoiled mouser."

"Glad to hear it," Anders whispered, his body light with relief, as if a weight had been lifted off his shoulders.

"As for our dearest Commander, well, I told you quite a bit already." Nathaniel shrugged. "King of Ferelden is the most recent update. Searching for a cure. Although, if you're more interested in the mage side of things, I hear that he and King Alistair have secured the Circle's independence in Ferelden. Apparently, they're working on implementing a different system instead."

"The College of Enchanters," Garrett whispered, and Anders hated it, how they felt the need to hide this, even in their own home. "My father had contacts in the Mages' Collective there that I still maintain. They hope that The College will serve as a template for other nations, that it'll be the first of its kind."

Anders could see how Garrett fidgeted with his hands, how he struggled to contain himself, how his dark brown eyes lit up in excitement.

"They say that they're offering refuge to apostates fleeing the Circle as well, those from Circles outside of Ferelden."

"The Mage Underground has actually confirmed that rumor," Anders stated. "They issued a royal decree stating that they will 'uphold the personal freedoms of any apostate seeking sanctuary in Ferelden, unless their presence is deemed a direct, unprovoked threat to the lives of others.' They're also refusing to aid the templars in any current hunts for mages at the moment."

"Interesting times that we live in," Nathaniel said. "It certainly won't win Darrian any points with the more Chantry-centric nobles still stuck in their ways, but I trust that he can handle it."

"If anyone could do it, it's him," Anders agreed. "But what about the others?"

"Ah, yes. Them. Now, let me see, let me see," Nathaniel continued, deep in thought. "Oghren is still Oghren, still a little smelly—"

"A little?" Anders interrupted, but Nathaniel kept on going as if he didn't even hear him.

"—still drinking his days away, but he has been more involved with his family, so I'll give him that. Velanna is, well…" Nathaniel grimaced. "She's still missing. No body was ever found in the Keep after the battle all those years ago. Darrian seems convinced that she somehow escaped and that she went into the Deep Roads to find her sister."

"I might not know this Velanna personally, but if it meant getting my sister back, I know that I would brave the Deep Roads and so much more for the chance," Garrett said, wistful.

"Had it been my sister, I wouldn't have hesitated," Nathaniel agreed, then cleared his throat. "Right, so Sigrun then? She's as cheerful as always. She's been leading multiple expeditions into the Deep Roads, sometimes for the Wardens, sometimes for the Legion, or even a mixture of both from time to time. Every now and then, she'll return to the Keep, but she keeps herself plenty busy, so she usually doesn't stay too long."

Nathaniel stared off into the flames of the crackling fire nearby, and that was when Anders suddenly realized that there was one last person for Nate to mention, a sinking feeling settling hard in his stomach like a rock.

"As for Justice, I don't know." Nathaniel rubbed at the back of his neck. "We heard from Aura that Kristoff's body was returned to her."

Anders stiffened at the all-too-familiar names, an echo of sorrow lingering from memories that were both his yet somehow not as well. A dizzying sensation followed, his head spinning as it struggled to keep up.

Confused, Garrett furrowed his brow at them, glancing between the two.

"Other than that?" Nathaniel shrugged. "Beats me. Maybe he returned to the Fade."

"To the Fade…?" Garrett narrowed his eyes at him, but Anders didn't get a chance to stop him before he rambled on. "You do mean our Justice, right? The one currently possessi—" Realization dawned on him then. "Wait, you don't know?"

With a groan, Anders dragged his hand down his face. He could already feel a headache coming on, a dull pain slowly spreading at his temple.

"Way to go, love," he praised, sarcasm thick in his voice. "Very smooth delivery there, I must say."

"Well," Garrett huffed, "how was I supposed to know that you didn't tell him?"

"Didn't tell me what, exactly?" Nathaniel asked, staring them down. "Anders, what is he talking about?"

Going back and forth on how to put it, Anders eventually decided that the time for subtlety was long gone.

With a deep, bracing breath, he closed his eyes and blurted out, "Justice and I are one!"

He peeked an eye open when Nathaniel didn't respond at first, the latter opening and closing his mouth like a fish out of water, struggling to find the right words.

"Okay," he eventually said, slow and even. "I think I'll need you to clarify on that one for me."

"Ugh." Anders ran his fingers through his hair, sank his teeth into his bottom lip before releasing it. "I am his living vessel, and he is currently possessing me, for lack of better words."

"You're doing great," Garrett told him. Anders wrinkled his nose at him.

After a moment, Nathaniel sat up a bit straighter, giving Anders his full attention.

"Would it be too much to ask how this happened?"

No, it wouldn't be, but it took Anders several minutes to sift through two sets of memories, recollections of the same events but viewed from different angles.

Eventually, he spoke.

"It started when Darrian began to venture out more on his own. Not that I blame him for what happened, but he was the force keeping everything in order at the Keep. You, Sigrun, and Oghren were in the Deep Roads at the time, I believe. I stayed behind with Justice to help train some new recruits, mostly the mages, the younger ones who needed more guidance than most. I loved that."

Anders smiled.

"Back then, I always put on this air of indifference, but the truth was that I loved feeling like I was a part of something bigger, that I made a difference. Justice knew that." He laughed underneath his breath with a shake of his head. "He always did see right through me."

How quickly his smile fell, his jaw clenched tight.

"But without Darrian there to oversee matters personally, the Wardens became less selective in their recruitment process. They were simply trying to ride the wave of success after the Fifth Blight. Their goal was to recruit as many people as they could, as quickly as possible."

"Yeah, I remember," Nathaniel whispered. "When we returned, I remember thinking that a lot of those new recruits were definitely a handful."

And that was saying something, considering how he joined.

"That's putting it lightly," Anders grumbled. "Among the latest group at the time was Rolan, a former templar in name only."

"He was still taking orders from them?" Garrett asked.

"I know for certain that he was. After all, it was quite the coincidence that Ser Rylock and the other templars who opposed my Conscription grew silent the second he showed up." Anders sneered. "He wasn't one of mine to train. He was more seasoned than most who joined, but he made it his sole purpose to watch my every move, to follow my every step. It didn't take long before his presence started to affect me, so Justice took to my side, day in and day out. He'd watch over me while I slept, chased Rolan off when he lingered. In that time, we talked more, grew closer…"

Anders swallowed thickly.

"He would talk me down when I panicked. He was there when the nightmares became more frequent, more intense." He refused to look at either of them for a moment, his gaze distant. "I wasn't taking care of myself, and Justice knew that I was about to make a run for it. Out of self-preservation, if nothing else. But Justice saw an opportunity for us both. We liked each other. We worked well together, and his days were numbered in Kristoff's body. He wouldn't hold on forever. He wouldn't put Aura through that."

Garrett took Anders' hand in his with a reassuring squeeze.

Blue light flooded through their veins. Web-like cracks split open their skin, their eyes glowing bright.

"We will never feel so powerless again," they stated. The power of the Fade resonated through their voice. "We swore then that we wouldn't stop until all mages live free of the fear and oppression they suffer under the Chantry's rule."

Nathaniel considered that, cautious to approach at first, but then he shifted closer.

He placed a hand upon their shoulder.

"Justice," he said, "what happened?"

"When I left Kristoff's body to join with Anders, Rolan rallied other templars and wardens against us. They called us an abomination, and then they attacked." They could recall each second with perfect clarity. "Being attacked so soon, when we had only just merged in such a way, made the transition messy."

They lifted up their shirt to reveal the large, jagged scar over their chest, its corresponding match on their back.

"The templar tried to run us through. He did run us through, and so we tore his head clean from his body," they stated it so matter-of-factly, not even bothering to deny the horrors they inflicted during that first day together. "Everything was a blur. We wanted to make them pay for what they did to us. And by the time we regained our senses, we were all alone, surrounded by bodies torn to shreds, blood on our hands and our teeth."

Garrett brushed his fingers along the scar.

"That's how this happened," he murmured, right as Justice let the fabric fall back into place. "You never mentioned it, but I didn't want to pry either."

"We don't exactly have fond memories of being stabbed," Justice noted.

"I can't imagine why," Nathaniel said, but guilt ate at him, especially for his earlier words about Anders leaving. "I'm sorry that you had to go through that alone."

"We weren't alone," Justice assured him.

"You know what I mean."

"Nathaniel." Reaching out, they rested their hand upon his, their touch gentle. "Things might not be perfect now, but Anders and I made it through the worst by relying on each other. We didn't know at the time whether or not we could even control ourselves. We didn't want to risk you or the others, so we left. We didn't leave because of you, though."

Nathaniel sighed.

"Well, that's a relief, at least."

Their light died down, Anders slowly regaining control.

"In our defense, this was all your idea," Anders told him. "You were the one to suggest that Justice look for a living host."

Nate blinked owlishly at him.

"You remember that conversation?" he asked, bewildered. "How does that work exactly? Are all of his memories yours and vice versa, or…?"

"Something like that." He repeated to Nathaniel an explanation similar to what he once told Hawke. "I can't really say where one of us starts and the other ends. There are times when I'm the one in control and others when it's mostly Justice, but we're both still there. I'm still me, but it's us now. It's like we're two people and one at the same time." With a resigned grumble, Anders gave a half-shrug. "It's hard to explain."

"So, when Justice was in Kristoff's body…" Nathaniel looked as if he would be sick. "You can remember that?"

"I can," he answered slowly, "but I would rather not think about it, if possible."

"Wait, wait, wait," Garrett said. "You're telling me that you have memories…" He gestured vaguely, overall speechless. "Of possessing a corpse?"

"Yes, now, can we please stop talking about this?"

Silently, Nathaniel and Garrett exchanged a pointed look.

"Are you, uh, okay?" Garrett asked.

"Not right now, I'm not. Not if you two keep pestering me about this."

"Are you okay, in general?" Nathaniel countered.

Anders opened his mouth, paused, then closed it.

"Believe it or not, I am," he admitted. "I mean, I have purpose here. Our friends feel like a sort of makeshift family at times, and I have a man that I love, who loves me in return. Life is good right now."

He didn't entertain thoughts of the future, not now, not when things were peaceful, if only for a moment.

Garrett beamed up at Anders, shifting closer to his side.

Their love for each other was so apparent that Nathaniel couldn't help but to smile just from watching them.

"Glad to know things are working out for you," Nate said, ruminating on his thoughts with a playful chuckle. "Although, it's nice to know that some things never change."

Anders stared at him in confusion.

"What does that mean?"

"It means that, after all these years, you're still sporting the whole feathered pauldron look with robes that scream 'I'm a rebel mage!' I'm surprised to see you in casual attire for once," Nathaniel teased. "Although, if not even a Spirit of Justice or living amongst the nobility could change your tastes in robes and armor, then I certainly have no hope."

"I— What's wrong with my robes?!"

"Nothing, if there is an actual benefit to wearing them."

Garrett snickered, so Anders turned his glare on him instead.

"Whose side are you even on?"

"The one that supports your individuality, of course," Garrett replied, not once missing a beat.

"Heh, good answer."

"You managed to charm me at least, feathers and all."

"Miracles never cease," Nathaniel deadpanned.

"Not that it matters anyhow," Anders muttered. Before he could stop himself, the words came spilling out of his mouth. "You've always been the type that cares more about how I look out of my robes than in them."

Both Garrett and Nathaniel tensed, and it took a solid minute for Anders' mind to catch up with what he said.

He instantly buried his face into his hands, his cheeks burning red with a growing blush.

"Can we forget I just said that?"

"Not a chance," Garrett chuckled. He leaned around Anders to quirk a brow up at Nathaniel. "Remind me, what was the extent of your relationship again?"

"I, uh—" Even Nathaniel grew uncharacteristically bashful at that, stumbling over his words, rubbing nervously at the back of his neck. "Well, you see…"

"Seriously?" Anders grumbled with a nudge to Garrett’s side.

"What? I'm just curious!"

"Yeah, and if I started asking about your past relationships?" Anders peeked at him between his fingers, eyes narrowed. "Fenris? Varric?"

Garrett lifted his head up in challenge, his smirk mischievous.

"Defensive much? I'm an open book," Garrett said. "Fenris left for his own reasons, so we simply didn't work out after the fact. Varric was a one night fling, and we were both well aware of that fact beforehand."

"Uh-huh." Anders hid his grin behind his hands. "What about Sebastian?"

"What about him?"

"Would you have slept with him too, if not for his vow of chastity?"

"Oh, no." Garrett shook his head. "No, no, no. Of course not." Then, he stopped to think it over. "Well, on second thought…"

"You're shameless!" Anders laughed.

"He definitely wants to fuck me, though," Garrett responded.

"He definitely does."

"His loss, though, but you're avoiding the question." Garrett poked Anders in the arm. "Nothing to be ashamed of, you two. At the end of the day, I love you and Justice, Anders. I'm committed to you, but I do want you to be as happy as possible, and if Nathaniel—"

"If you're asking if we slept together, then yes," Nathaniel cut in, tired of the back and forth.

Anders yelped, caught off guard, but Garrett choked on his words with a snort.

"I knew it!"

"Multiple times, actually."

"Nate!" Anders scolded, but even he couldn't hold back his wide, radiant grin.

"I mean, would you be interested in doing that again?" Eyeing Nathaniel up and down, Garrett even had the audacity to wink at him, sinking his teeth into his bottom lip. "I wouldn't mind if you joined us for a bit of fun. With Anders' permission, of course."

Wedged in between them, Anders was suddenly all too aware of the heat emanating from their bodies.

Nathaniel considered the offer, right before he pressed himself flush against Anders' side

"Well, what do you say, Anders?" He tucked blonde hair back behind his ear, whispering to him, breathless with an all-too-familiar desire. "For old times' sake?"

Flashes of memories sparked to life in the back of his mind. Stolen moments in the barracks at Vigil's Keep. Passionate nights spent upstairs in his very own bed. All of it came rushing back to him, all at once.

One thing about Justice, he was a bit of a romantic.

Experiencing echoes of love through Kristoff's memories was one thing, but experiencing the emotion firsthand through Anders was another feeling entirely. It was like comparing a candle's heat to the burn of a pyromancer's strongest spells, intense and all-consuming.

Safe to say, Anders was feeling a little overwhelmed on all ends.

In the blink of an eye, he was on his feet.

A bright light shot through him, there and gone in an instant.

Facing Garrett and Nathaniel, he tugged at his collar with a sheepish grin, walking backwards out the door, only to bump into the frame.

"Well, would you look at that?! We're going to be late for Wicked Grace night if we don't hurry, and I, for one, can use a drink after the day I've had."

"That's not a 'no,'" Garrett noted, always the optimist.

"It's not," Anders agreed, "but I'm not answering either of you until I've played a round of cards, lost all my coin, and have some half-decent ale in my system."

With that, he left the room. Garrett and Nathaniel stood up to follow, dusting themselves off.

"I assume that means we'll resume this conversation later," Nathaniel said.

Garrett looped his arm through Nathaniel's, dragging him along with a joyous laugh.

"Definitely."

#dragon age #dragon age 2 #da2 #anders #garrett hawke #nathaniel howe #da justice #handers #nanders #nathanders #justice positive #custom hawke #bluerose writes #tw cannibalism #only because i included parts from anders' short story so 😅#just to be on the safe side

14 notes · View notes