#people who have told me im gifted for having a mental illness should have to pay my medical bills
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Satisfaction
Warning not prof read, grammar mistakes(naw like i suck at writing lmao), this post is just for fun, i also dont know how to use tumbler so like… this kinda looks ugly lol
Theme warnings!! This post does contain themes of mental illness, cannibalism used as a metaphor for love , violence, disruption of a grave, the main character is not a good person but hes not like… a monster??!. (If yall think i need to add other things then just say so pls!!) THE MAIN CHARACTERS CRINGE PLEASE!!!
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Little bit of context: This story is a submission for a creative writing contest! The theme was Taboo romance and I decided that a horror/thriller would be fun! If you know me irl or recognize this… no you don’t lmao?!?
This story is based off of the intense feelings that i have for my partner that i feel i’m not able to properly explain at times(im in therapy do guys lols) there’s also some refs to things we like lol
October 26th, 2023
It was never hard to tell that I was different from the other boys in school, or anybody for that matter. I was the kid girls would say ‘My homeboy wants you’ to or the kinda guy that was asked out as a joke, it got old after 5th grade but never stopped. Senior year was by far the worst one of them all, his name was Keith, and he wasn’t super pretty or anything like that, he was a nerd who would walk me to my bus stop and ramble on and on about how different Pokémon gods symbolized different things. I honestly liked him and he was cute, but i more than liked him, i wanted him all to myself, i still have a few of his leg hairs lying around; i like to sniff them to try and imagine how he tastes slow cooked like oxtail.
December 15th, 2023
Nevermind he’s a weirdo and it turned out he liked Pokémon in unholy ways[someone check on his dog please], his meat was tainted so I lost interest in him. But my eyes didn't take long to wonder, there was a boy who was Canadian and he seemed rather nice, no he was beyond the kindness that any human should be able to give. He was like taking a bite of my first love [which i didn't know what it felt like, but i was guessing it was nice.] I loved talking to him honestly, he woke up around 8am and went to sleep at 12am but sometimes we went all night. I had no problem risking my sleep for him[it's not like my AP classes would be any better.] He was intoxicating, to say the least.
January 10th, 2024
I wanted him badly, like I wanted to wake up next to him, kiss him, hug him, I wanted to wine and dine him if I ever got the chance . The only problem was that well…he lived in Canada, he always talked of how he had mixed feelings about his country and I always told him that it could be worse. I mean he could be here for all he cares, but I'd never want my meat to be tainted by this land, these people[I'm such a proud American]. So I was going to go to him. I decided to save for the month. It was going to take a few overtime shifts and even snagging a couple of bucks from some buds but I was going to get the money and make it to canada.
February 10th, 2024
The plane ride was rather boring without being able to text him, and even more so because the woman next to me didn't know social etiquette, like I was supposed to care that she got unlucky with life and contracted chlamydia. There was also this brony, which I found a sin in itself, but he smelled… like bad but it also made me snicker because it just reminds me of keith.
February 11th, 2024 6:27pm
Canada was a beautiful place but I had no reason to stay and admire it when all I cared for was my own appetite. But i couldn't help but let childish implusies pull me into a store full of valentine's day sales, what caught my eyes are the matching trolls cups, i couldn't help but get them wanting to see the response he would give to the gift[I love my adult money privileges].
February 12th-15th[was… busy?]
I felt bad for him hes so nice and kind, so nice he just took me in without a second thought about how I found him or his home, we took a tour of his room and its nice it was just as nerdish as him, but i came here with a plan and i came here to execute it as such. His skin was nice, so I took some as my own and it hurt a lot. I think I splashed some blood on his favorite blanket, but anywho, why is the human skull so hard ? I thought it was gonna be like a nut and would just take a few hacks to crack it open but noooo he just had to be hard headed. I did get it open[almost breaking my wrist doing so] but I had no plans for a meal, I mean it's not every day you just cook up some brain, but we managed. I ended up using the brain for spaghetti; I mashed it all up to make meat balls and must I say they were delicious. His brain was so tender, it melted like butter, but it also had a slight chew to it, not a taint in sight. The ‘wine’ I had with it was a little thick but it was his so I drank without complaint. I was also quite proud of my cup purchase :D. Poppy was right… trolls do just wanna have fun
???, 2024 2:34 AM
My head hurt, like a lot, I thought eating my love would make me feel better and full. Yet here I stand before his grave, my arms barely mobile as I dug him out, freeing him from the pits of the afterlife without me. A month he left me alone, a month with this hunger for more of him. His stupid casket was the thing that stood between me and my love, my satisfaction of being full.
There he was, as beautiful as the day I feasted upon him. I took my shirt off to show him that I still kept a piece of him with me. I touched his skin on my chest as I looked at mine on his. Death would never do us part so long as he had me attached to him. I would go through the redemptions of purgatory to see him flutter in the clouds of heaven. It felt like a sin to touch him again, to feel him to embrace him as I laid to rest beside him. Fresh tears poured down my face as I pulled the cover over the casket. This time I am not left behind, this time I am not alone.
“W-why — Why has your body left me so full, so satisfied. Yet I am starved for your love to grace me again.” I murmured softly as I caressed his face.
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I hope you guys liked this… cus um im super proud of it even if it didn’t win!!!
#cannibalistic#horror#tabooromance#creative writing#dont do this shit#i do not condone#pls be nice#idk how tags work
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tw for rape + drugs + abuse ig
the only thing being "friends" with u proved to me was that no one will ever be honest with me. the moment i tried to trust in the process + think maybe, maybe they have goodwill for me, maybe something good will happen, i find out you were conspiring about how to get rid of me behind my back. enough of your canned group chat evaluated coward responses. i was raped the week of your birthday and was afraid ofmaking it about me. now im evil for it
im starting to think "people pleaser" means "avoidant cowardly hypocrite" im starting to think "people pleaser" is in the same category of terrible person as "burnt out former gifted kid" and "my first signs of mental illness was definitely the 'a pleasure to have in class's!". all three of these are a category of person who will give lip service to mental health awareness + compassion but as soon as you display an Ugly trait as soon as you can't heal in the Appropriate Manner as soon as you're a little too angry while you're being actively abused, instead of demure+avoidant+consumable, you're toxic+problematic+no one should have a problem cutting u out of their life forever!
cant look at those posts abt how good it is to cut off a friend that isnt working anymore without wondering if the op or the people rallying around it in the notes ever actually brought up their problems w the person they cut out or if they just silently let grudges fester, convincing themself more + more over time that they were the problem for issues that could have easily been solved with communication. i wonder if theyve convinced themselves they did their best when they never told this 'bad friend' a word of what they did wrong. was it actually impossible to work out, or did you just not want to put the effort in?
the worst thing is i still dream of talkin it out
.
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personal vent time?
#this is another vent post#cw mental illness talk#cw ableism#so i cant stop processing this talk i had with my mom in like 2016/17 and it makes me terrified for our current future#it was like 2 am during a time i went to sleepover and me and mom are sitting in the dark watching public tv and chatting#and i tell her hey i think i might be autistic and btw it would make more sense because dad has adhd and all these other reasons#and she told me she didnt think so because im ‘too smart’ and ‘there were no signs while you were growing up#‘you were gifted thats it’#so i said it possible for people to be both ‘gifted’ and autustic and that it isnt a bad thing if they are both#and she asked me what i meant and i told her i wasnt against people being autistic or mentally ill#and then she pauses and asks me who she has known is mentally ill for many years by that point#and she asks me if im for curing autism and im just like#uh no i dont think ‘curing’ mental illness is the answer here#that people should be able to get assistance and manage symptoms but i didnt like the idea of ‘curing’ someone#and she told me thats where we disagreed and she proceeded to explain her point of view of why she thinks we should have ‘cures’#and about 95 percent of it was false equation retroic#equating mental illness to physical illness and essentially attempted to turn what i told her into that i didnt want people to get better#and that once people are ‘cured’ they can find all this extra peace and stuff and im just like..#idk that wasnt what i was trying to communicate to you mom. i was literally just trying to explain that im more neurodivergent than#originally thought#and so lately i had a convo with her in the last month where she congratulated me on no longer being ‘crazy’ and -then- asked how my mental#health was... which i informed her was pretty bad bc it was just after COVID had started and im recently unmedicated after over a decade of#being medicated#so this potential future truly terrifies me not only from the government and state but because of people like my family and their beliefs
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Ok since two people asked
Why Lloyd is my least favorite ninja and how I rewrite him
Notes:// you know the rodeo by now, long post so it’s going to be under a read more, and I’m not gonna tag this with Lloyd because of the criticisms I have against his character, if you don’t want to hear Lloyd be critiqued then don’t reas the post
Why I don’t like Lloyd
Maybe it’s because I’m a Kai kinnie or maybe it’s because I have a bias agaisnt the younger sibling but Lloyd has never really been a favorite of mine
He was enjoyable in s1 but after that he kinda lost all personality for me and I stopped enjoying him
I think this is mostly for two reasons:
1. His screen time
2. His “character arcs”
I’ll go ahead and knock out his screentime here because it pretty much speaks for himself
Lloyd takes up so much screentime in the show that it’s actually jarring, he’s the character with the most seasons, having s1-2, s4, s8-11, and finally s14 ((the island special)). Which I think makes lloyds writing flaws all the more noticable
A big reason, albeit a bit of a petty one, for why I don’t like him is because he constant hyjacks other characters plots and makes them about him, this happened with Kai in both s4 and s11
Even if he’s not the main focus of a season, he always has a side plot focusing on him like in s3 and s12
The writers need to include Lloyd in other seasons is making it harder for the other main characters to actually have enough screentime to grow and develop on there own
And as a side effect of this, Lloyd gets to become the most important character in every season he is, taking roles from other characters who needed them
My best example is Cole being leader, he was set up and established as leader in the pilots and s1, and he did pretty good in it! Cole being a leader is a interesting concept that I would have loved to see been developed
But after Lloyd grew up they threw that plot point into the trash so they could have the mystical green ninja be leader even though throughout s1-7 he hardly actually talks to the main cast and him being leader doesn’t add any interesting dynamic like cole and kais rivalry despite Kai being a sort of right hand man to Coles leadership.
And in s1-s7 especially everything literally revolves around Lloyd to the point where his existence is more important than everyone else’s, and everyone’s motivations are to protect him.
Again I understand he is important, he’s the green ninja, but you have to let your other characters grow and develop, Lloyd is not the only main character in your show
Like for fuck sakes I don’t need 3 arcs about Lloyd and his dad, can I finally have another Kai season
Lloyds character arcs honestly kinda suck
Im going to be honest with you
Lloyds kinda an ass
The reason I like jay more then Lloyd even though jay has been way more mean spirited then Lloyd throughout the entire series is because you can atleast make the argument that jay doesn’t know when his jokes can hurt. And the show doesn’t portray jay as in the right, he gets what he deserves for some of the meanier things he says.
The same can’t be said about Lloyd
Lloyd says things to the other ninja that is honestly so mean spirited it’s jarring to hear it from him
Best example being when Lloyd told Kai to get over his shit when Kai was grieving in s4
But what makes it so frustrating is that the show always portrays Lloyd like he’s in the right which is why a lot of his character arcs feel flat or uninteresting
The only time this doesn’t apply is in s2 and in s3, in s2 the show paints Lloyd as being unfair to Misako when he RIGHTFULLY gets mad at her for abandoning him, I’ll get back to this later
The second time in s3 is when he’s traveling with Garmadon and having to be taught to balance his powers, which is actually one part of s3 I really liked, it was nice to see these two bond and have Garmadon teach Lloyd something that wu would other wise not teach him. And it’s a real shame the season cut it short AGAIN
The biggest example of the show making Lloyd seem in the right no matter what is in s4, Lloyds whole arc there was to learn how to view things from a different perspective and appreciate the things others have done for him. And this is would work if the show decided to do the same.
Again back to that scene with Lloyd and Kai in s4, the show treats Lloyd as if he’s in the right and it’s never addressed after this. Even though this is supposed to be the beginning of lloyds arc where he’s supposed to learn to view things from a different perspective
This scene would have worked if
1. The show didn’t paint him in the right for this, either by having Lloyd apologize or having the show acknowledged how it might have hurt Kai
2. If the plot Lloyd has remained a side plot instead of taking up the entire focus
Seriously, s4 could have been the ONE season where you can have a Lloyd side plot thats not forced and yet they fucked it up and made it the entire focus of the season thanks a lot.
To quote what I said in my Nya anayalsis awhile back
“I’m not upset that he has a flaw, just that it’s not recognized as one”
Lloyd would work way better as a character if the show just let him have consequences for his actions
Ever since he grew up and got the green ninja role he’s been treated like he can’t do no wrong which is clearly not true
But since we’re already on this topic
Hurting Lloyd doesn’t make him a good character
I feel like Tommy ((and sometimes the fandom)) really misunderstand what the use of suffering for in a story
There atleast 3 reasons writers make there characters suffer
1. To undergo a arc and realize where they have been wrong or to give a character a lot more depth to expand upon
2. If the story is a fallen hero one and the character suffers because of his Huberius
3. If the story is a tragedy
Ninjago is neither a fallen hero story or a tragedy and his pain doesn’t develop him as a character
A lot of writers don’t understand that suffering isn’t what makes a character good, it’s what pushes them to become good, you can’t just throw a character at the wall and expect them to instantly be a well written fleshed out character
A lot of the suffering Lloyd has to endure is mostly for no reason and it’s really mean spirited because it adds nothing to the plot, it’s just there to hurt him
Let’s bring up s11 as an example, Lloyd didn’t HAVE to fight the ice emperor from a writing standpoint, if anything it should have been kais battle because his lose of power and Zane going evil would have been a perfect reflection of s4 and tie it up after it ended kais character a bit open ended
But no let’s have Lloyd do it instead because haha isn’t trauma COOL and HIP
Now to be clear, I’m not saying that all of your stories have to end on a happy ending or anything like that, if your a writer then your allowed to do whatever you want with your personal writing
What I am saying is that ninjago is an actual SHOW made by PROFESSIONAL writers and they can’t understand the concept of a story structure
And the lack of actually addressing his trauma is really bringing down Lloyd as a character
Because it comes to a point where you understand why Lloyd is sometimes mean or distrustful of other people and it’s frustrating because you know that it’s flaws of him that are never going to be fixed because there writers want there trauma baby
How I would rewrite him
I’ve seen a lot of people suggest Lloyd become a villain in a future season and you know what, I sort of agree
But not in the way you think
I feel like it would be way more compelling if Lloyd was a villain but is still a ninja, instead of Lloyd switching sides, the show is switching perspectives
More or less I want Lloyd to be a reflection of the “true” villain, which is how wu ((and subsequently Lloyd)) put small Victories as more important then the ninjas life, passion, and desire, and how there black and white thinking of good and evil ends up to a lot of problems because there’s a lot of grey area there choosing to ignore
I want Lloyd to start of being loyal to wu’s philosophy and the protagonist, for random example let’s say Kai, sudden turn on these ideas in order to look outside the box to find if there truly is a better way to protect people without harming himself
I want Lloyd to be upset over what he thinks is a turn to the dark side when in reality, it would make his motivations make sense and not make his turn to “villainy” be out of character.
And over the course of the season he starts to realize how wus and subsequently his leadership has hurt the others and himself, and have him reflect on if all the pain they suffer through just to clean up wus mistakes is really worth it like wu says, or if there’s a better way like kai says
As for Lloyds actual character himself, I’d like for his flaws to be more noticeable
Have Lloyd be a gifted kid who gets praise when he doesn’t deserve it but still kinda acts like a brat because he’s still mentally like 10
Have him be a control freak who follows the rules way to strictly and is all serious when they have to do missions
Have his idealization of wu be realized and critiqued because honestly wu sucks ass
Would this make his character less like able? Maybe, but then he’d actually have depth and something to improve on
He can still have his s3 and s4 arcs, it’s just now they’re more important because he’s actually learning to be better
AND BEFORE ANYONE SAYS IM PURPOSEFULLY MAKING LLOYD WORSE SO THAT KAI LOOKS BETTER
ILL HAVE YOU KNOW AWHILE BACK I MADE A POST SAYING THE EXACT SAME THING ABOUT KAI AND HIS FLAWS SO THERE (/hj /lh)
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breaking down this anti-ian article bc it bothers me ( from the child of a bipolar mother and a male teen with same sex attraction ) while also providing valid reasons ian sucks ( from someone who likes ian )
ive had this drafted for a while so i dont think i cover anything from season 11
tw for i^cest and r^pe
he was with a married man
in this point it points out that he was with kash and he continued his relationship with kash even after linda put cameras in the store
“Ian didn't seem to care about how wrong his affair with Kash was or how much it could hurt Kash's wife Linda, whom he saw at the store regularly. “
that is a quote from that part.
ian gallagher was fifteen in season one, kash was an older man who bought him gifts and payed attention to ian ,, that was not on ian , none of that was ian fault because he was a child
ian wasnt open with lip
“ Ian didn't tell Lip about his preferences and forced Lip to figure it out on his own. Lip was instantly accepting of his brother's truth and even offered to help him figure out any confusion he might be harboring, so it's really strange that Ian wasn't just upfront with his closest confidant from the start.”
no , lip wasnt forced to figure it out on his own and he also wasn’t instantly accepting.
in this point it mentions that ‘they’re extremely close ( bestfriends and brothers ) so its strange ian didnt tell him’
like point 1 , ian is a fifteen year old boy, growing up on the southside , and thoughout the show it has mentioned multiple times that the southside isnt that accepting
back to lip -- lip wasnt accepting, sure he was fine but ‘helping your younger brother figure it out’ by having a (female) classmate give him a blowjob isnt helping
he secretly dated his best friends brother
“Most friends have an unspoken rule about not dating each other's siblings, but Ian broke this rule by secretly entering into a relationship with Mandy's closeted brother Mickey.”
the only thing i have to say about this is , he was still with kash and mickey was a boy in his age group who was gay , growing up in the southside ian probably thought he was the token gay so of course hes going to chase after mickey
he stood by as kash attacked mickey
“Ian didn't do anything to stop Kash from shooting his new lover, and didn't even tell the police about his boss' over-the-top display of jealous action so proper justice could be served.”
okay. because two men he had fallen for had gotten into a fight, there was a gun involved and he panicked, in the end after mickey got shot he went to him
now to address the quote, he didnt say anything to the police because he probably knew that that would bring shame onto kash and his family, along with mickey and his family who are very homophobic
oh yeah and it was like 2011 and cops suck and THEY LIVE ON THE SOUTHSIDE
he and lip tried framing terry milkovich
oh the homophobic and racist dad of his boyfriend and bestfriend who tried to kill him and r*ped his daughter ?
yeah , shit man , that was real bad they shouldn’t have done that /s
he dated jimmy-steves married father
“Ian didn't bother telling Jimmy the truth about his father and didn't end his relationship with Lloyd upon finding out that he had a secret wife and family, either.”
at this point ian is probably sixteen but that doesnt matter bc i wont even address that
he met him at a club and then used his relationship with ned to make mickey jealous which was one of the reasons he kept seeing him, he didnt tell jimmy-steve about the relationship or his father bc he shouldnt find out from him he should find out from his father , again like kash, ned was an older man who payed attention to ian and ned later did develop feelings feelings for ian
he stole lips identity to enlist in the army
he enlisted because he didnt know what to do with himself, its implied/stated that the army timeline was the start of his bipolar
“While impersonating Lip, Ian had tried to steal a helicopter and then proceeded to go AWOL.”
this is because of the bipolar he suffers from, it is referenced later in the series after he gets back and hes manic
ian refused to accept being bipolar
of course he didnt accept it, it is made very clear that his family thinks lowly of monica so of course if hes the lucky duck to get what his siblings demonize her for, of course he’ll not want to be it
“He refused to take medications that could alter his personality or mood.”
okay. this is why im making this whole post, this goes along with part 15 ( or so idk ) ,,
my mother , my dear mother, who is bipolar and doesnt take her meds because they are mood altering , my mom doesnt take med because she told me once that they make her feel like shit, she told me that a little after i was born she started taking them but realized she felt nothing, she felt nothing for my dad or for i ( making her numb )
she told me anti deppresents dont help either because when shes on them and manic it pushes her past productive and into angry
my dad told me that when my mom was on bi polar medication she would seem angry most of the time
he wasnt faitful to mickey
“Ian's bipolar disorder made him very reckless and impulsive and led him to be unfaithful.”
lets break that down.
ians. bipolar. disorder.
this plot point i actually didnt like, mainly bc ian never addresses it so ill give the article a point. but then i take away 2 because they have more of a problem with his bipolar messing with him rather than the fact he never apologized and they never worked it out
ian stole yevgeny
before i start quoting i should mention because his boyfriend, who has supported and helped him is suddenly telling him he needs help, he was helping raise yev so he’ll see yev as his own
“Ian failed to recognize just how crazy he was acting...”
cuting you off right there , he was in a bipolar state, he wasnt ‘crazy’ and isnt ‘crazy’
he cant even keep count of his number of partners
just slutshaming i see
he helped throw frank off a bridge
“His relationship with Frank was understandably never the same after that, as Frank struggled to get over this act of betrayal and cruelty.”
‘was never the same after that’ frank never liked ian, ian was probably his least favorite and that point is very apparent
also , it wasnt just ian , his siblings and his boyfriend caleb
he left a healthy relationship to be with mickey
he fell in love with mickey at 15 , mickey was a comfort and always someone to fall back on, when mickey was taken away and no longer in the picture his heart still obviously was with mickey and when mickey came back he didnt know what to do
he told mickey he had a boyfriend but because mickey has been such a constant in his life he finally has back of course he couldnt resist
he liked trevor, i could tell he did but trevor wasnt the one he watched get r^ped by a russian prostitute, he wasnt the one ian was secretly dating bc it would be a death wish other wise, he wasnt the one there when ian was manic or depressive ( at the start )
he tried blackmailing an old client for money
“Instead of raising the money in an honest manner, Ian chose to visit an old client from his time working at the Fairy Tail and blackmail him into funding the shelter.”
because he felt indebted to trevor and wanted to make it up to him, it would have taken longer to do it in ‘an honest manner’ when his sister would have gotten it instead, he knew how much gay youths like he once was needed a safe place
“He grew up wanting to be nothing like his father, but this whole money-making scheme was straight out of the Frank playbook”
because thats all he knows, he grew up with that ‘playbook’ so of course hes going to take a page out of it, he is nothing like frank , franks money making schemes are selfish and for his own greed while ian wanted the money to help build a safe space for lgbt youth
he let fame inflate his ego
of course he did, hes a southside kid who was destined to fail
also it is very apparent that during the gay jesus era he went off his medication which didnt help
“Before long, he just completely forgot about his ex and focused solely on being a deity”
as much as yes, he did let it mess with his head, he was trying to still help lgbt youth and was going against anti gay churchs , in the end it didnt work out for him because he was off his meds and went over board
he stopped taking his meds
see previous point and ‘ian refused to accept being bipolar’
he actually wanted to stay in prison
because he was doing good in there
ian was helping others and was spreading awareness about lgbt with in the prison , and as him and jail scenes go , we can see people were listening to him and he was trying to make it safe sane and consensual
he let down his army of followers
“Ian admitted that most of his actions were completely irrational and the mere results of his bipolar disorder.”
he didnt want to, we can see this, because he knew he would let down everyone, his family were the only ones to ever ground him and they knew it would be the best option for his own mental health
during the gallavich wedding we can see that a lot of his supporters still have his back because they must know how hard it was for him to put all of that success on something he can’t control
he constantly wasted his potential
this is actually the only point in this article i actually agree with , so only 1/20 i agree with
his relationship with mickey wasn’t actually great
“Mickey spent the first several years of their relationship denying his feelings for Ian.”
he was raised by a homophobic and racist father who he knew would react the way he did when terry had caught the two that one day
“Even after he finally embraced his true self, Ian's bipolar disorder kept them from becoming truly happy together.”
yes but mickey was there for him the entire time and helped him through it, he told him he loved him which was really big for him and did his best to care for him
“They couldn't seem to remain faithful to each other for more than a few weeks.”
back to the point about ians bipolar but for mickey he wanted monogamy , now that scene in s11 may say otherwise but it is very clear that he wants a monogamous relationship with ian and ian ( after getting help ) wants one too, and in the later seasons they are monogamous
“When Mickey asked Ian to run away to Mexico with him, Ian refused.”
he wanted to, it’s obvious, but ian has his family and didnt want to abandon them again, i think part of him knew he would see mickey again because they always find eachother, he gave mickey all of his money and wanted mickey to have a good life
“Their relationship was simply never healthy.”
no it wasnt, but thats why the ship is great in its own way, the gay closet kid raised by a homophobic man is obviously going to have a lot of baggage , and ian who is bipolar and struggling with himself will also have a lot of baggage , but in the end they love eachother and that really shows in season five and season seven specifically
that is all lol ,,, this is long sorry
now, i am not a ian apologist , i love ian but hes a dumbass sometimes
actual valid reasons ian sucks
genuinely believes frank is worse than terry
yes frank was definitely abusive but terry is definitely worse ,,
mentally/physically/sexually abusive , the whole nine yards
terry hired a prostitute to r^pe his son , threatened to kill him and ian on multiple occasions , r^ped his daughter who ended up pregnant and is actively racist
frank on the other hand will make gay jokes but in the end doesnt give enough of a shit , he has attacked his children on multiple occasions but not to the brutality that terry has ( this isnt me excusing it )
sorry ian , terry is worse
never apologized
he never apologized for all the shit he put mickey and his family through, never apologized to mickey for cheating on him , never apologized for all the manic and depressive episodes mickey endured with him
never apologized for walking away when he couldn’t handle it, in hall of shame mickey actually acknowledges this saying ‘its youre whole MO’
debbies sexuality
he has constantly made statements saying debbie isnt gay and that bothers me because , why does it care ? as a gay man and as a gay man who soent time with a lot of lgbt youth wouldnt he support his sister even if shes just ‘experimenting’?
in the recent season he doesnt seem to care and doesn’t say anything but it still bothers me
mickey only getting like 80% of his heart
okay look , i get what ian means when he says this , everyones hes been with has made him who he is but fucking hell dude ,, shut up , thats your husband , thats the love of your life you shouldnt be saying shit like that , especially to him
and then this man had the audacity to say mickey probably feels the same about past flings when he knows that ian is the only one hes probably ever been with/serious about
obviously there is probably more but those are the main ones that come to mind
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before anyone brings up the trans or bi thing im going to explain my thought process for him
like ive probably mentioned multiple times he grew up southside and obviously only ever grew up with lgb and not t ,, trevor did inform him a lot and ian became supre accepting of everyone,, sexual preference isnt transphobic but i do think he approached the matter badly
now the bi thing , legit all i think is that he doesnt hate bisexual people its just that the man he really liked slept with a woman and never expressed any heterosexual attraction so it probably just suprised him and pissed him off because caleb did cheat on ian
—
if you read this far HOLY SHIT THANKS LOL ,, im not adding things that i think are pro about ian this was just me breaking down that article and giving my two cents :)
feel free to message me and talk to me or send me articles like this about any other character/relationship and i will totally break that one down too lol
thanks for letting me rant
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Hi, you said essay on the not-love Victor and Elizabeth have?? I am fully invested, tell me EVERYTHING.
Im glad you’re curious!!! content warning for misogyny and arranged marriage
Ok here we go.
So to preface I am not going to use Victor (or Elizabeth’s) queer coding as a justification because while it is heavy as an osmium brick, it can still technically be dismissed as reading through a lens that would discredit my perception of the relationship between Victor Frankenstein and Elizabeth Lavenza. I would also like to mention that this is based on my reading of specifically the 1831 version of Frankenstein; or, The Modern Prometheus which was written by Mary Shelley.
Cool so the book begins with Victor explaining his life story, from the beginning, to a stranger named Robert Walton. He starts by explaining how his parents met and got married (which is its own whole can of problematique worms) and then moving on to explain how Elizabeth was adopted. In this version of the story they are not biologically related but are raised together as siblings and call each other ‘cousin’. I think we can agree that they very much consider each other close family. I think it's also important to note that when Victor was first introduced to Elizabeth she was presented to him as a gift and object ‘future trophy wife’ by his mother. As a kid he didn't interpret this as romantic but literal and just kind of accepted it as fact.
Years later their mother, Caroline, falls ill. She calls Victor and Elizabeth to see her on her deathbed and tells them, in no uncertain terms, that it is her dying wish for them to get married and that it is Elizabeth's job to become a parental figure to the other young Frankenstein's, William and Earnest.
They're still young though and Victor is sent off to school at Ingolstadt while Elizabeth stays home. While Victor is away we learn that Elizabeth has Grown Up and learned how to put her own feelings away to Be Strong for her family. It is made pretty clear that she now sees bottling her own feelings and doing whatever is deemed necessary to help the family to be her Responsibility as a mother figure and as a daughter.
While that is happening, Victor is out at Ingolstadt building his creature. To briefly summarize, he makes his creature, is struck by what he has done once faced with a living breathing Dude making baby noises at him at like 1 am (estimate), flees leaving his creature to wander out of the building, comes back and falls into a very rough sickness from sleep deprivation and general neglect + trauma, and is brought back to health by his good bro Henry Clerval. Henry gives him a letter from his family, who he all together stopped writing Months Ago, telling him to come back home at once because his brother was murdered.
Elizabeth is Very upset seeing a kid she was a mother figure to was killed and her friend Justine Moritz is being wrongly convicted, and Victor, thinking that his creature did it (based on no evidence btw) is Consumed with guilt and offers No comfort or explanation. A bit later after that Victor's father approaches him and goes, ‘you know, everyone's really really sad that your little brother was murdered. You know what would cheer them up???? Marrying your sister.’ and then Victor just kinda goes ‘ …. You're right, I need space though. First, can I take a two year trip out of the country? I promise I'll do it right after.’ and his father says yeah that would be cool, and Henry decides to go with him.
Victor, the way I see it, has two pretty big motives for leaving in this situation.
His creature has approached him demanding a wife, so he wants to get away so he can isolate and do that. This is the bigger and more pressing motive as well as victor’s priority.
2.
He is literally being cornered and old that he could make everything better by marrying Elizabeth who, yes he is fond of as family, but who he has never once shown romantic interest in beyond ‘mom says that this is how it works and that I should think of you as an object so I guess that's fine with me’
This leaves us wondering how Elizabeth is feeling? We know that the last time tragedy hit, her response was to bottle up her feelings and do what she thought best for the family. You could argue that she did love Victor based on how she speaks to and of him but you have to understand that quite literally from day one she has been told over and over that her purpose is to love Victor and that it would make her parents happy if she loved Victor and that her mother, who she was close to, laid on her deathbed and told her that her dying wish was that she would marry her brother, Victor. From her perspective, logically the only next step would be to make everyone happy again by marrying her brother, right? It doesn't matter that he didn't write to her when he was away and was completely emotionally unavailable once he got back right? This Has to be the next step for her.
And so they do get married but no, I don't think there was any romantic intention. I think it was two people who felt obligated to their family and in Elizabeth's case, subconsciously sacrificial, and in Victors case, too preoccupied with his murder-child and horrendous mental health to think about what He wants personally.
#long post#tw mysogyny#tw arranged marriage#tw objectification#ask to tag#tw dysfunctional family#frankenstein#victor frankenstein#elizabeth lavenza#frankenstein essay#essay is a generous word for this#if you want a formal essay with citations you can pay me :)#my poor little ghost boy#ask
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Ask game: Books recs pls! :D
Books!!! i admit im only just really starting to read again, mental illness brain rot meant the past few years have been a touch empty in terms of books but!!
Silver in the Wood by Emily Tesh - short novella about a very old forest, its caretaker, a young dandy who turns up, and a very old magic looking for some fun. very good, a short read but a new favorite
The Sea and Civilization by Lincoln Paine - a nautical history of human society and one of my newer acquisitions, very thorough while still being super accessible, if you're a nerd about the sea like i am or looking for a fun intro to nautical history, its a great choice.
Folklore and The Sea by Horace Palmer Beck - a collection of nautical and sea related tales and stories from around the world, the kind told by old sailors and merchant men and fishwives. Its bigger than the bible and i hold it close to my heart.
Six Memos for the Next Millenium by Italo Calvino - required reading in highschool and one of the few that stuck with me. a short collection of essays about the world and our place in it as we move forward, from the perspective of a very talented author.
Kitchen Confidential and A Chef's Tour by Anthony Bourdain - we all know how much i love and miss Tony, but his books really are a phenomenal read. Kitchen Confidential is focused on his time in the restaurant business, his various jobs and the people he met, and it is a phenomenal collection of stories and lessons learned. A Chef's Tour is focused on his later experiences as a travel writer and chef, and is one of my favorite "travel" books out there. His ability to connect with people and spark the curiosity and compassion in the reader is next to none.
Writers at Work around the World and Poets at Work, Being Two Collections of Interviews from The Paris Review - i dont care if it comes off as pretentious but i genuinely adore the Paris Review and the poets, authors, playwrites, and artists they showcase. They released two new stand alone volumes which are collections of interviews from the past idk 70 years or so, one volume being focused on poets and the other on writers. getting to hear fellow artists from multiple decades talk about their craft and personal histories is a gift. also in general, if you're looking to diversify your reading but dont know where to start/have a short attention span and are working to improve it, The Paris Review Magazine is actually a great place to do both. They release it four times a year and you can always check the roster for each issue on their website before you buy the hardcopy.
Gay New York by George Chauncey - focused mostly on Manhattan and Brooklyn, Chauncey details the long and incredibly rich history of the gay community in NYC. It centers mostly on gay cis men, though it touches on the trans community and the evolutions of language in terms of various identities quite a lot. Its a longer and sometimes heavy read, as the history of the gay community is not always a happy one, but it is a fantastic window into the lives of those who came before us and how the culture has changed over time (did you know there used to be debutante-esque balls to introduce baby gays to the community at large?? cause i sure didn't!!).
Giovanni's Room and pretty much everything written by James Baldwin- James Baldwin is a masterclass of a person and a master class of a writer. Giovanni's Room was my introduction to his writing but i truly think his work should be something akin to required reading. I would recommend finding a collection of his work and start there.
Homintern by Gregory Woods - I'm still working my way through this one but i do recommend it. In short its a showcase of great queer and gay artists from throughout modern history, Oscar Wilde is the first one discussed for example, and while Woods does make an effort to denounce the conspiracy theory that gays run the art world, he does a wonderful job of showcasing the home our community found in the art, and how their lives shaped various artistic and cultural movements throughout the western world. Its not sugar coated, but written with a lot of love.
The Philosophy of Jean-Paul Sartre edited by Robert Denoon Cumming - is Sartre for everyone? no. Do I love his work? yes. This collection is a great place to start if you're curious and want to start reading his work. Its not always an easy read, a lot of philosphy can be hard to work through, but I recommend it. Albert Camus and Kafka are of course also highly recommended. And i do genuinely enjoy Human all to Human and other works by Nietzsche.
i realize a lot of these are nonfiction but ive been on a kick lately, lets call it escapism through other lives lived on this mess of an earth. I'm sorry it took so long to write this up but i needed to mull it over a bit.
I'm always open for new recs as well, my library could always use a few new volumes!
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i’ve seen the discussion going back and forth on boundaries and sexual objectification, and i don’t have much to add to the conversation other than to say everyone is allowed to determine their OWN ‘lines’ and just because we don’t vocalize them doesn’t make them any less valid. but here’s the limits i set for my blog if anyone feels it is important for them to know (<3):
personally I consider ‘characters’ fair game for anything goes, with ‘public personas’ a little more iffy. ‘RPF’ isn’t new - it just takes on a new more accessible/visible form nowadays. i remember reading my first fic about a ‘real person’ back in my LOTR fandom days - it was a story in first person perspective about the main character meeting orlando bloom on a plane before he was ‘famous’. like a lot of these types of stories, it wasnt so much about the person as it was about the meet cute. the actor was just a convenient placeholder with a handsome face and some personality quirks thrown in to make the romance/dialogue more specific. i personally dont read much xReader fic nowadays, but mostly only cause i’m an old fart who can’t relate to the ‘you’ format. i miss the good old days when people actually created OC’s and then inserted them into things LOL. but also LOL if you think i’ve gone an entire year of quarantine without some imagined personal fantasies of joe mazzello (or steve aoki in the years before)(ramilicious can attest to this. she can also attest to most of these fantasies ending in friendship rather than anything explicit cause that’s just how i roll these days lol). the line i draw is i would never post these types of fics in a place where the subject could accidentally find them - you have to go looking for this stuff on tumblr, most fics are given explicit ratings and under read-mores. with the blacklist tags it’s pretty easy to filter things out. its even easier to add filters to ao3 searches. i am NOT going to do something like message steve aoki and say ‘yeah i watched that movie Ibiza like five times, here is my 1k fic where you’re the dj and i’m the one night stand’. but obviously people still enjoy imagining scenarios like these otherwise movies like Ibiza wouldn’t exist?
for art, i consider anything already on display up for grabs, we all know a certain person’s ass is all over the place...all you have to do is google ‘need for speed’ and rami’s name. HOWEVER, in the case of actors i personally would not draw anything more explicit than what’s already there. i’m not gonna draw full frontal nudity for rami (unless he gifts us with it in a movie, i suppose) or anyone. this is 100% a personal choice for me.
i was a sophomore or junior in college when i volunteered as a figure drawing monitor where i’d time the nude model’s poses and help them set up the stage and lighting and such. there was this one guy in his mid forties probably, a regular who came every week, and i always thought of him fondly till one day (the day after i ran into my Hot Programming TA during dinner and later sent him an email begging him to go on a date with me because i was desperate for kissing experience)(and Hot Programming TA emailed me back within minutes saying yes) this artist guy who i saw all the time and thought i knew fairly well, decided to draw me instead of the model. which would have been fine except he drew me naked. i was NOT naked at the time, i was wearing a shirt, and a bra, and a full prairie skirt with alternating calico and floral patterns. he drew what he imagined was underneath all that. he came up to me after the figure drawing session and showed me his drawings and told me i had been ‘glowing’ and my response was to laugh it off awkwardly and get the hell out of there as soon as i gave the model their pay check. but inwardly i was thinking a) i was NOT glowing for this creepy man twice my age and b) i did NOT give him consent to sexualize my body under my clothes and then SHOW me that objectification. i never said anything to him or anything else, i continued to be the monitor, and i continued to field off creepy advances from him including multiple job offers, but when i finally realized i could just...stop..and i passed the student volunteer monitor job on to my friend naeem, i also realized that what that older male artist did was NOT ok in my book. and it was probably not something he would do while naeem was monitoring.
nowadays im working in an industry that regularly objectifies female bodies. in the past year alone i have had to deal with requests to make breasts bigger, i have been given character rigs that in addition to the usual elbow, knee, and spine joints also have ‘nipple’ joints but ONLY for the women (to make them jiggle for animation), every time i send out a female pose i get it back with notes that push it further into the sexy type of body language reserved for women (twist the spine more! sway the back more! give it ‘energy!’), i have been told to erase wrinkles and fat and pores but ONLY for the women (men you ADD pores bc realism! and manliness!) and this is all me working for a company that is actually fairly progressive in terms of sexism compared to OTHER studios.
like it or not, sexual objectification is a huge part of specifically women’s lives and how we react to that is our business. for me, turning the tables and putting men on display feels like fair’s fair. i cant stop the men from doing it, so if i want to enjoy sexualizing male bodies, damn it im gonna! like dang it, boy do i want to send steve aoki a thank you note every time he posts a video of himself doing those ice baths during the sunset golden hour bc holy shit gorgeous or working out in his gym wearing VERY little clothes, but i dont because i know what its like when someone imposes their personal fantasies on the subject. or, god, there was that time i had to unfollow nicole’s insta for a while bc i had a very explicit dream about her and realized, shit, i need to take a break and get my emotions under control before i can refollow. and god some of the stuff i see dudes sending her during her live videos on mental illness/meditation is TOTALLY gross and not something they should be confronting her with. and she’s not even ‘famous’ famous. or how some fans send their idols explicit direct messages without consent. THAT feels inappropriate to me.
a part of me feels like i shouldn’t have to defend this. men don’t. they’re even encouraged in mass media to sexualize women. but i also recognize the importance of talking about consent. the importance of recognizing that a celebrity deserves to have their boundaries respected. these are my lines in fandom. other people have different lines they won’t cross, and that’s okay to me. i block or blacklist any blogs or tags i think go over the top.
heck, even in fandom-only spaces i still try to keep my own more sexual fantasies off this blog and only in private messages with my friends and mutuals, and i feel like that might come across as unintentionally prudish or judgmental sometimes. i’m not ‘horny on main’ very often. but like...every time i reblog that particular ‘washing machine’ gif of joe mazzello am i thinking about him naked and thinking about how he’s got very loooooong feet, and ‘gee i wonder if that means /other/ things are Too Big for my tastes’ but also ‘gosh wouldnt that make a pretty picture to draw’???? hell yeah.
i dont know who is gonna actually read this essay but yolo i guess :)
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Where kaito and kin planned ?? Did Kai have a preference like he wanted a boy or a girl?? Also you have mention in other post about the first time Kai saw Kaito in the ultrasound do you have a scenario about that or would you be willing to write about it ??:0
Here we go.
A snap of fingers broight him back to reality... only noticing shortly later that he had dozed off.
"Overhaul?" Chrono called right besides him, one hand on his front while the other had a firm grip on the quivering girl... Eri...
Chisaki stopped for a bit to look at the child, no emotions present, only staring at it... before sighing and returning to walk towards the experiment room.
"Eri don't make this even more complicated than you already do." He said monotonously before he froze on his steps, worring his childhood friend a bit.
"... cancel the experiments for now." He said suddenly before making his way to get out of the underground base he had created.
"What? Why?"
"I have something to do. I will be back before the afternoon, take her to her room and put someone to keep a eye on it." He turned to send one side cold glare.
"No escaping. Understood?" The girl teared up and looked down while trembling as he monotonously made his way out.
~
"Come on-!" You cursed under your breath as you tried to open a can of cookies that one precept had bdoight due to your husband's commands.
Tried.
"Just hand it over. We're going to be late." You scoffed at hearing your husband's monotomous voice as you groaned at trying again to push that tin off.
"No!" You protested and even if you weren't looking at him you knew he had arched one of his damn perfect eyebrows up "First, I need a snack so screw it, the doctor that waits for us. And second-" you groaned again, applying all of your force on that cursed thing "I'm a strong independent woman that acn still open a pot with no he-"
Chisaki snatched the pot out of your hands before opening it easily with a 'plop' sound. One eyebrow evidently arched up as he placed the pot on the counter.
"... I eased up for you." You mumbled with a pout before snatching one intere cookie on your mouth.
He hummed in sarcasm while crossing his arms, trying not to smirk at the adorable pout you had on your lips while you eated the sugary things.
"Right. Just like the heroe society is one of the best things in this world for me." He messed up with your hair even despite your whines of protest before flipping your forehead.
"We need to go now. I need to know what mutant of a demon and a angel is exactly inside of you."
"KAI!" you exclaimed but with a disbelieved smile no less as he opened the door for you to pass first.
"Is not a lie."
~
"Kai please don't kill the doctor." You pleaded as much silent as you could while you two walked the halls.
"Don't touch, doesn't get killed. Simple as that." He mumbled under his mask with a piercing glare at the doctor in front of you two.
"For God's sake, is a woman!" You whispered yelled "And I know her for ages now!"
"Still is sick." He snarled back "I read her profiles angel, she has a quirk that helps her on this job... disgusting."
"Kai plea-"
"Alright (Y/n)!" The older woman clapped her hands together and showed it to you another room "Go in there and put on the mantle so we can get started!" You nodded with a grateful smile, quickly rubbing your thumb on Chisaki's palm before going inside to change.
Chisaki sighed and took a seat, glaring at the smile the woman sended to him.
"Geez never took little old (Y/n) to have such a grumpy husband. Chin up daddy! You're about to meet your child in no time!" She exclaimed excitedly while she turned on the machine and prepared the machine.
He was about to get up to threaten her if it wasn't for your shy self getting out, blue mantle covering from your shoulder until thd middle of your thighs.
You layed down and sighed nervously, boucing a bit your leg in excitement and anxiousness.
"You two decided on names yet?"
Small talk... how he hated those.
"No..." both of you answered in synchrony, making the woman laughed while she placed the gloves of latex on.
He arched a eyebrow at that. He respected and at lleast she did a decent job on putting those... but the moment she had grabbed a gel for you to apply on yourself he got... confused.
The quirk of the woman consisted on a X-ray vision... some devices that connected to her glasses and the machine make it possible for her to show any fractures and even fetus to other people along with the machines.
She wasn't doing it...
"What's your deal?" He spated, placing a protective hand on your shoulder as both woman tilted their heads "You're not using your quirk, illness." He growled.
"Ah that!" She laughed before picking up the device "Ask your wife about it! Not ma fault!" She pushed a chair close to you.
He glared down at you, trying not to let his guard down at the smile you gave it to him.
"I asked for her to be the traditional way you know? No quirks, no powers... only the fashion old way." You whispered, giggling a bit at the way your husband's eyes widened a bit before returning it back to normal in a fraction of seconds with a 'I see.'
Always going out of your way to do these things for him? He was a goddamn blessed devil to have such a perfect angel on his arms...
You yelp a bit at feeling the cold material touching your skin as the woman laughed, deciding to start a small conversation with you since your husband she could sense it he didn't want it to speak much.
"Alright... is a bit difficult but I think Iiiii-" she squeezed her eyes a bit as she still moved the tool before she jerked a bit on her chair "AHA! GOT IT! SNAP!" she pressed one button on the device before pointing at the screen, laughing at both yours and Chisaki's confused as fuck face.
"Listen you two." She pointed at a small white part "This is the head of your little one!" You gasped with a open smile, turning it a bit to see Kai... with wide eyes staring at the screen.
"Following we can see the body... tiny hands... and adjusting just a bit the angleeeeee..." she moved the machine, not takung her gaze away from the screen "We can see that..." she smiled warmingly at the scene before looking at you both.
"Congrats you two, a healthy and beautiful baby boy!"
Your breath was taken away as you smiled with a bit of tears in your eyes, the woman placing the device with a 'fuck it I already took the picture GIVE ME A HUG!' as she opened her arms and hugged you close while you laughed, rubbing your tears.
While in the other hand, Chisaki was simply... astonished, out of words... breath stolen.
The realization that this was his child there had definitely hitted him like a train only on that moment, sure he knew of your pregnancy ever since you told him but...
Seing a completely new life, gerated by a fruit of love that involved you and him was... shocking.
He made that life. He made that fetus...
He created along with his angel a soon to be a boy on this world...
He hasn't said more than one world ever since you both left that place, arriving on the Shie Hassaikai house to take a shower...
He was supposed to go back to his experiments but... something felt... different at only comimg to his head the thought of...Eri.
"Angel that woman gave you the-" he stopped talking the moment he saw you holding them on your hands while sitting on the couch.
He sighed before taking a seat close to you, analyzing alongsides with you.
Your fingers traced delicately the form of the legs while your other subconsciously went to your growing belly to carress it... Without any of his control, his own gloved fingers went to touch the area where the little head was forming it.
"Kai oh my god..." you whispered with a hand on your mouth, looking up at him with teary eyes.
"What?" He growled before widening his eyes at you pointing at both his and your eyes...
Oh.. he was with one tear on both of his eyes...
He scoffed at that and immediately went to rub it away before your gently fingers beat him on it.
"Thank you..." you whispered before touching forehead with him "For giving me such a beautiful and unique gift Chisaki Kai."
"You are the one who I should be thanking for... although I have to admit..." his eyebrows furrowed, making your frow as well in concern.
"This kid. They have me as a father. I don't think I would be one of the... most suitable ones." He sighed while closing his eyes, placing his gloved hand on the plave his son was growing.
"Chisaki Kai I am a first parent too mister." He opened his eyes again, arching his eyebrow "Both of us surely wont know what the fuck is going on by the first few weeks." You giggled at the pinch in your side.
"Language brat." He smirked behind his mask at your smile.
"Back on, most people would say the same to you as a lover, and as always, you rubbed their disgusting faces on the asphalt... proving them wrong."
"Is different." He growled.
"Maybe. But is still half me and half you in here...we won't be perfect, but we will try... and that is already enough for our son, Im sure of it. He will never suffer on his life if both of us show what we already feel for him."
Our son... his son suffering. His angel's son suffering... that seentence gave him the worst of the chills.
The feeling of deja vuu hitted him completly as scenes of his experiments went through his head... he hesitantly looked down at the ultrasound and mentally wimced at only imagining his own child passing through... what he did with her.
Shit. What was happening to him?
"Although both os us know what I am capable of after what I went through." He sighed while laying his head on the back of the couch "Pops was explendid on my creation but the same can't go to those prokects of humans..." he clenched his jaw at remembering his biological parents... his father probably burning in hell while his project of a mother was still somewhere on the streets.
"You're not like them my devil." You reminded him.
"I have their disgusting parts of DNA... and imagine if him, a half pure being growing up to become something similiar of what I once was or even worse? Imagine the chaos." He said nonchalantly while you shook your head
"Pure this pure that. You know the difference here Kai? Every human is unique... I know who you are..." you sighed with a smile, laying your head besides his and broughting the photo up for both of you see "And this little one, will be the luckies little mobster to have the Chisaki's name. No wonder why I wanted it so badly when we married." You cooed the last part, turning your head to stare lovimgly at him.
"And you know what else?" You whispered, catching his attention as he turned his head to you "This boy will grow up in the yakusa, but with actual good and decent parents, whose will care and love him... will you? My devil?"
His heart did one of the worst flips in his chest as he looked into your eyes... imagine if you even discovred a bit of what he already did with a child...
Experiments after experimwnts, nursing her back to health only to put it back again for more and more...
The images of a little boy replaced the girl and that only got worse... your face of horror, the shouts of his parents... all coming like a desperate train on his mind.
"... this is my creation with you my angel. I maybe not be the bets for those things still..." he placed his gloved hand on your belly while the kthed cupped your cheek "I won't fail on my job of keeping you both safe and unharmed."
"I love you so much that it hurts..." you whispered with a smile at him, he brought you close to touch foreheads again with a sigh before lowering his mask down to connect his lips with yours and a sweet and passionate synchrony... enjoying the warmth that your body brought to his.
He...needed to find another way...
~
"You sure about that Kai? It's been a long time since you planned those things... aren't you going to tell Pops about it?" Chrono asked while walking not much away from Chisaki in the middle of three a.m on the base of the Shie Hassaikai.
Kai had demanded his oresence before he went to his room, widening his eyes at what the young man told him before nodding with uncertain.
Sure, the plan was fucked up, but it was a way of bringing the yakusa back from the shadows... and he knew how stubborm and straight forward Kai was with whatever he wanted.
So... why the sudden drastic change of plans?
Kai didn't said a world... only his and Hari's sound of steps on the area... before they stopped on the front of the oh so familiar door.
Chisaki sighed before opening it, not bothering if he was waking up the girl or not.
Eri widened her eyes immediately and muffled her terrified gasp at seing both men, standing on the other side of the door.
Golden yes piercing her sould before she almost sweared that the man hshe feared was shivering a bit before he averted his gaze from her.
For his son...
"You no longer will be used to my plan." He said after regaining his posture, glaring down at her.
For the family he finally could have it on his damn life...
"Your things will be packed soon, and you will be moved to a place where other people can keep a eye on you." He said darkly, Chrono geffing imprissed at seing that it was for real that Chisaki was saying this... without a hint of hesitation or regret on his voice neither eyes.
For his wife... he would do anything. Anything to not lose her...
"You are free Eri." The girl widened her ruby eyes at the man's words before he glared at her "Don't make me regret my decision, don't return. Just stay with those whose are from your own kind." He spitted the words before turning his back to her and leaving the room, allowing a bunch of man to enter to start helping on the change.
Hari, now walking besides his childhood best friend, decuded that now was better than ever.
"Mind me asking what was the miracke that made you change your mind? Or just leave it at that?" Chisaki took it from his pocket a folded black thing before handing it to Chrono with two gloved fingers, gaze still locked on his front.
Kurono took it and unfolded the image before widening his eyes a bit and smirking.
"This uh?" He asked with a smirk, not minding the scoff Chisaki gave it to him as he returned his gaze at the ultrasound "Have no idea wjere its what... but I can guess that this is my godchild or something?"
"You're NOT being the godfather of of my son Chrono." He growled back.
"Ah so its a boy, nice. Godson. And by the way; (Y/n) said it was no problem and even agreed with it."
"But I didn't. Stay away from my son block head."
He almost laughed but decided ti stay quiet...
So things were going to change a bit on the Hassaikai...
"Man just wait until Pops know about this, he will print it..."
"That's why I am not showing it."
#overhaul x reader#overhaul scenario#fanfic overhaul#overhaul#chisaki kai imagine scenario#chisaki kai x reader#kai chisaki#chisaki kai#bnha au#bnha imagine#bnha x reader#bnha characters#bnha villains#bnha#bnha fanfiction#my writing#zuffer writings
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hiii can I request hcs for Bokuto, Oikawa and Kuroo crushing on a shy s/o :3 tyyyy
crushing on a shy s/o
✧ hc’s ✧ for Bokuto, Oikawa & Kuroo
❧ gn reader
✎ 1.6k words
a/n: ty for the request ! <33
idk y everytime its like headcanons mixed w scenario frjffgt i hope das ok w yall
my definitions of all these intersect too much--
Bokuto
✧ mans sometimes has trouble knowing people’s boundaries
✧ PERO bby is just being himself, we lov a king
✧ I DIGRESS. N E WAYS
✧ when he has a crush, he just wants to give you a lot of attention
✧ your shyness is just an added uwu factor to him, he craves seeing how surprised you get whenever he just so happens to pop up out of nowhere to say hi!
✧ tbh he spotted you from like a mile away and pretended like he needed to go in the same direction just so he could talk to you--
✧ doesn’t hesitate to compliment you! will ask if you did anything different (you: “not really” ) and then always says “you always look great, anyway, no need to change anything!”
✧ invites you to his games, hyping up his team and insisting that if you come, he’ll play even better because of your support
✧ has to control himself from leaping with happiness and giving you a hug when you respond a bit bashfully, agreeing to go like 👉👈 “oh, sure, ill come” bc a cutie just asked you to come watch him play
✧ however, when akaashi mentioned once that Bokuto might be coming on a bit strong for your more timid nature, he tried to tone it down
✧ but then he got sad thinking that maybe he was actually overwhelming or annoying you and he sulked for three and a half days despite akaashi insisting that you probably didn’t feel that way, otherwise you would just avoid him
✧ you noticed recently he’s been acting a bit off, and it made you a bit sad to see him looking upset
✧ so you decided to make a sign for him for his upcoming game!
✧ you lugged it around with you when you entered the gym, backside facing forward to hide what it said
✧ you were a bit self-conscious, to say the least
✧ you got settled on the bleachers and watched the game
✧ but Bokuto rlly seemed out of his element; he missed a few potential points and the other team eventually got in the lead
✧ thinking that he needed a pick-me-up, you held up your large sign overhead sheepishly during a time out, hoping that Bokuto would notice
✧ everyone on the team started to snicker when they read your “You got this, Bokuto! Go Owls!” and gave suggestive looks to their team captain
✧ he was confused (Bokuto: “why are you all looking at me weirdly??”) until he finally turned around and saw your sign
✧ and fell 10x more in love with you
✧ and now he can die happy
✧ turning back to his team, tears pricking at his eyes, he quietly choked out:
✧ “(Y-Y/n) made that...? F-For me?!?!??”
✧ now that he’s fIRED UP, Fukurodani easily gained back their momentum and won by a landslide
✧ you stood around outside the gym after the game, wanting to congratulate Bokuto and the team but ovERthInkING iT and you were about to chicken out when
✧ “(Y/N)!” a voice called out loudly
✧ and you were met with a crushing hug
✧ never in your life were you more pleasantly surprised and embarrassed at once
✧ Bokuto’s back on his bullshit, always tryna talk and impress you
✧ and everyone wonders why y’all aren’t dating yet cmon just love each other already--
Oikawa
✧ a big tease and a big flirt
✧ never fails to tell you how lovely you look everyday
✧ a bit embarrassed, you’ll always thank him (which he points out is cute, saying there’s no need to be shy)
✧ overall, he’s rlly sweet doe
✧ he was out with his teammates once when he saw you, so he called you over by name
✧ but since you’ve never met any of Oikawa’s teammates, except Iwaizumi, you were a bit hesitant
✧ seeing this, he goes over to you, gently grabbing your arm and pulling you over while reassuring you, “C’mon, I want you to meet my team. I think they’ll like you!”
✧ will introduce you as his friend
✧ however everyone sees through this (except u) and knows boyo wants mor
✧ makes sure to include you in any conversation, asking you for your input
✧ piss Oikawa off
✧ until he rlly does get pissed off and excuses both of you, deciding to just hang out with you because his teammates are meanies
✧ so we may conclude he can be a bit protective
✧ always staring or looking at you, secretly hoping that he catches you looking at him (gets disappointed when once again, no, you were not looking at him)
✧ checks himself in the mirror even MORE now that he has a bit of an infatuation-- (Iwaizumi: *to Oikawa, who is inspecting his face* “you can only do so much to look human, give up”)
✧ politely excuses himself from his horde of fan girls just to talk to you
✧ always trying to find ways to talk to you in hopes you’ll open up more to him and in general
✧ will offer you help even though you obviously do not need any (again, just to talk to you)
✧ and offers you other things he has on himself, like gum
✧ speaking of gum he’ll always have gum or mint on him in general but espeeeeecially if he knows he’ll be around you bc boyo want his breath smelling fiinneee
✧ eventually gets you to be quite comfortable around him (yes!), so you have nice conversations every once in a while
✧ he’s also v considerate and likes gift giving! bought you milk bread from his fav place because he talked about it the other day, and you mentioned you were curious to try it
✧ one time after you told you that you looked pretty, you paid him back with a compliment as well
✧ he got quite flustered himself, trying to hide his blush by turning his face to the side and then excusing himself-- (smooth)
✧ mans just left you confoozed, but you shrugged it off
✧ he digged the compliment tho, it made his heart swell and his ego skyrocket LOL
✧ his crushing gets worse after you start showing up to his games to support and cheer for him
✧ gushes about you mid-game to Iwaizumi, who looks like he wants to off himself every time--
✧ once you’re a bit more comfortable around him and after “hanging out” (Oikawa: “nOT a date oKAY”) a few times, that’s when he thinks he should ask you out (like on a date date c; )
Kuroo
✧ (totally unrelated but i had a weird dream recently where kuroo and i became buddies bc we found each other’s finstas--)
✧ ok im like 99% sure all these bois would love to get some sort of reaction out of their shy crushes cuz they think it’s cute, they just do it in different ways
✧ kuro’s a bit of a tease
✧ but only because he likes to see your reactions, thrives off of them n eats that shit up like salted mackerel-- (not literally)
✧ likes to look in on what you’re doing whenever you’re just minding your own business ( “whatcha got there?” )
✧ gets a bit close to you as he looks over your shoulder (doesn’t matter wut ur height is; this mf tall tho)
✧ will call out your name and wave when he sees you in the distance, then walk over to you and start a conversation, asking you about your day, what you were doing, etc.
✧ will leave his other friends to talk to you, so much for bros b4 hoe5
✧ always respects your boundaries, though. he’s quite perceptive and is able to tell whether or not you’re uncomfortable
✧ and if you are, he’ll do whatever he can to lessen it (sometimes without you even realizing it)
✧ invites you to study with him after school in the library (and thanks the universe when you agree)
✧ tries to be sLICK when y’all are studying
✧ like he’s extra attentive so when you drop your pencil this man zooms for it before you can even blink so he can pick it up and maybe touch your hand as he hands it to you
✧ “oh, you dropped this,” he says, iNNOcENtLY
✧ you just smile and respond with a “thank you, kuro”
✧ may or may not have done this also so you could smile and thank him—
✧ will also try to impress you with his knOwLedGE and is eager to help when you don’t understand something
✧ tries to fix his bedhead ;((( but fails (Issok bb u perfect already)
✧ will kinda flex about his team and being captain (“oh yeah so we’re going to nationals pretty soon”),,, hoping to convince you to come to a game
✧ which,,, you do (much to his content--)
✧ luckily for him, you end up easily vibing with both kuro and kenma
✧ occasionally you see both of them and are comfortable enough to approach and say hi
✧ after a while tho kenma just disappears and ur like ?? where’d he go ?? and kuro genuinely did not know
✧ kenma just wants to give y’all sum alone time,,,, but y’all dont know that (except kuro when he confronted him later n all he got as a response was ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ )
✧ always asks you about your interests, mentally taking notes on them (he believes that info will come in handy in the future)
✧ and he likes to surprise you with the things he remembers (ie. your fav colors, snacks, scents, hobbies, etc)
✧ is kinda comfortable with how things are between you two
✧ but also really want something more; will probs end up asking you out suddenly when y’all are hanging out >.>
✧ embarrassment and uwu’s are shared
#haikyuu x reader#bokuto x reader#oikawa x reader#kuroo x reader#haikyuu imagines#haikyuu reader insert#haikyuu x y/n#haikyuu headcanons#bokuto koutarou#oikawa tooru#oikawa tooru x reader#bokuto koutarou x reader#kuroo tetsurou#kuroo tetsuro x reader#haikyuu hcs
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Your thoughts on Isaac, William, Frankie an Jack 🎤?
OHHHHHH CROW I COULD GO ON ABOUT THEM FOR HOURS.
this post is SUPER FUCKING LONG so for the first time in my life im using a read more link.
I'm gonna start out with Will, who, a little fun fact, isn't actually named William! His full name is Willis Grossman. His parents thought it'd be funny. Will doesn't know his full name.
Here are some other fun facts about me and @functionentropy 's Will (along with other characters below) (he is also the one who has been making this entire creepypasta interp with me! Go check out their art or else /lh):
Will was born in the late 1800s early 1900s!
His parents were a lot like a Bonnie and Clyde duo, and they cared and loved for Will very, very much.
Will always looked up to Isaac! He wanted to be exactly like his grandpa when he grew up. Isaac was also a wonderful grandfather as well.
Will, on his 13th birthday, got Isaac's mask as a gift. When he got it, Isaac said to him: "keep it safe. It's a family heirloom.", Will uses that excuse as to why he still wears it to this day.
Speaking of Isaac, he's the underrealm equivalent to a tumblr sexyman. Everyone thinks he's hot shit, but that also goes for a lot of serial killers residing in the underrealm. Will unfortunately had to see his grandfather on magazine covers talking about the underrealm's HOTTEST NEW KILLER. He hates it.
Will ran away from home after Isaac died at around the age of 20 to 21, and considering he was a legal adult, his parents couldn't do much. They're still looking for him. (How, you may ask? Well, a little thing about the underrealm is that it stunts growth. You're essentially unable to die of old age down there. Think shitty immortality. His parents are looking for him, and they know he's in the underrealm- so that's how they are still around!)
Will had the worst time in the underrealm for the first few years he was down there. He wasn't immediately enrolled in the institution and he had a hard time holding down a job. Eventually he met Frankie! They live(d) in an apartment together. The first time Frankie met Will he thought he was Isaac and told his landlord and him HELL NO. Frankie does not like Isaac. Cue [will's offended gasp] and him saying he's his GRANDSON, and WHY IS HE ACTING LIKE ISAAC SUCKED? Cue Frankie making fun of him for being a grandpa's boy.
Frankie and Will had a bumpy relationship for a while. Will wasn't always a good person. Not really bad, just a fucking dumbass.
Speaking of Frankie...
Here's stuff about Frankie!
Frankie's origin story is essentially the same in this interp. Except for the fact that Frankie very much HAD A PAST. (which. If u wanna know more........I would love to talk about it......but this is about CURRENT Frankie so if u wanna know more bro just pop up in my dms or send another ask im feeling wild tonight)
After Amy passed (which was NOT due in part to the operator in this universe. The operator just found her like that) he was found by Bell (prince beelzebub, ruler of the underrealm at that point). You should know Frankie wasn't always an adjusted and normal fuckin person. He was like a rabid dog for a good while there.
While Frankie was unhinged he fucking death rolled Daisy the first time they met. (Daisy is an oc! I'm willing to talk more about him if you want the deets. He's interesting :]) because of this Daisy is the only one allowed to openly make fun of Frankie. (Playfully, of course.)
Daisy and Bell both basically helped Frankie adjust to society.
Frankie is autistic! So is Will. And Isaac. All. Everyone. Everyone has autism. (Shhhh. i'm projecting.)
Frankie can see souls! He's a very good judge of character because of it. However Frankie doesn't know what he's seeing is people's souls.
Frankie goes specifically after bad people. He'll take jobs from bad people, but he'll kill them, too. He says "he's sending them back to where they belong".
Frankie was the first to really show Will killing isn't just something you do. It's more than that. Will had never really processed death and murder of his fellow man like that before. He has a hard time even processing people as people sometimes, outside those of whom he cares for. This is because of Isaac. Isaac taught Will that people are bad- all of them. And that killing them is preventing them from hurting others, even if they haven't yet.
Frankie is a good guy and honestly a softie deep down. He worries and cares for all those who are close to him, even if he doesn't act like it sometimes.
Frankie says Toby "kidnapped him" and "made him diseased". 1. Frankie can very much leave the household at any time and 2. Frankie is referring to the operator sickness. Speaking of that-
Frankie was dragged through the operator's own personal hell! (Aka the realm they reside in more often than not, aka the place that Tim gets tossed around in near the end of marble hornets.) Reason being was because he threatened Toby's life. The operator is very protective of Toby.
Speaking of that, someone else was around when Toby met Frankie...
ONTO LAUGHING JACK!
ohhh man. Oh man. Oh baby. This clown is FULL of illness. Alright. So let's start off simple:
Lj was of course, made for Isaac. That's still a consistency. What isn't is that lj was around Isaac for a lot longer than in the original story. They developed a very close bond over the years they knew eachother, but, all good things must come to an end.
Lj returned to his box when Isaac left for boarding school. However, unlike the original story....Isaac didn't really come back to open the box. In fact, the most Isaac did was...well, I'll wait to spill that for Isaac's part later.
However! Eventually the house got passed off to another family. Years, and it mean YEARS later someone found lj's box in the attic! They were an unfortunate casualty.
After this, lj went and hunted Isaac down. Cue gore filled murder scene.
Things to note: LJ feels HORRIBLE about what he did to Isaac. He regrets it everyday. He wishes he had never done that to him.
But, time skip a bit.. we're further in the future now. LJ has his carnival set up and hidden away in an empty spot in the forest. He eventually comes across a wandering spirit because of this. This wanderer just so happens to be Sally!
LJ takes her in and swears to protect her with his life. In a way, you could say he sees her as a chance of redemption.
Sally was a wandering spirit, meaning she never really was stuck to one spot in particular- also meaning she wasn't very strong. Because of this, LJ gave her some of his own angelic essence. This boosted Sally and essentially made her a poltergeist!
(Note: Sally doesn't know how she died. Also, none of the things in her og story happened to her in this one. Fuck mishimishi. All my homies hate mishimishi.)
A little while after this they actually meet Toby and Jeffery! But this is getting long and to explain THAT entire debacle would make it even longer. but again I fully invite you to send more asks or just straight up dm me if you wanna know!
Now, last, but certainly not least..
ISAAC GROSSMAN.
OH MAN. Isaac is a DOOZY. Just like LJ, this baby is chocked FULL of illnesses! *slaps the top of his head like the roof of a car* but also, fair warning here: im gonna be talking about some heavy stuff. Abuse, physical and mental, gore, just. Death in general. Cannibalism, and EXTREME MENTAL ILLNESS *loud airhorn* so if any of that stuff gets to you steer clear of this part!
Anyways, let's start out simple!
Isaac was born in victorian England.
Isaac's mother was terrible towards him. I'm talking mental and physical abuse. She was a horrible, horrible woman.
Isaac's father...he wasn't a good person either, but he didn't beat Isaac. Nor did he really mentally abuse him either. He just...let it happen. He didn't even hurt his mother like he did in the original story. Isaac's mother was just plain bad for no good reason.
Isaac was sort of. Born having mental illness. They didn't just develop for him due to the abuse he experienced, though they certainly DID make it worse. There were other mental issues he has now that developed due to the abuse, however.
LJ was quite literally a godsend for Isaac. Metaphorically and not Metaphorically. LJ made Isaac happy, gave him comfort, and was basically like the mom he never had.
that's why it was so hard on Isaac when he had to leave lj behind. For a while he even had hallucinations of lj while in boarding school (which only furthered his future belief that lj was a hallucination brought on by the need to cope).
Isaac's first technical "murder" you could say was at boarding school. He pushed a shitty teacher down the stairs when there was no one around and they died. It wasn't even premeditated- more like it just sort of..happened.
Eventually Isaac graduated. When he did, he promptly returned home and killed his parents, as you do. /s
Isaac killed his mom in a rather violent fashion in comparison to his father- he whiplashed her so hard she fucking died.
Not long after this Isaac started his..well. I guess you could call it career.
Basically you know what happens after that. human skin chair, yadda yadda yadda, underrealm's sexiest killer, you know the drill.
Isaac did more than the human skin chair though! In fact, he uh. He. He did a lot. He did. SO much. But that was because Isaac believed in not wasting any part of the body. Which means Isaac not only made human skin chairs, but he was an avid cannibal, as well. (Fun fact, this very much extended to Will's father, mother, and Will as well. Will didn't know they were eating human for a long time. He had to realize that on his own.)
Eventually, Isaac punched his ticket because of LJ. But..I'd be a liar to say he really died.
No, our wonderful boy Isaac didn't die. He became a ghoul. Which, by the way, only further fucked with Isaac mentally! He's so ill. Some other things happened which I won't say here because they're spoilers for the fanfic I'm working on (Oh yeah the hyperfixation is that bad, but if you wanna know, again, I fully invite you to ask), but basically Isaac eventually gets taxidermied by, drumroll please..TOBY!!!! yeah. Toby does taxidermy as a job. He invited a new type of it for taxidermying Isaac. It was to repay daisy for something he did for the group.
But to say, again, that THAT was Isaac's end, would be another lie! No no no. Isaac was alive during the entire process! The good news is that he's never looked better after he escaped daisy's house when it got exploded by Frankie. Which..that's uh..another story for another day. This post is already insanely long and I am NOT putting it in the main tags.
So yeah! Im absolutely crazy for these dudes and I love all of them. By the way if you couldn't guess before Frankie and Will very much get together and are so so gay. Another little thing: Isaac is gay too, he had a past relationship with a man by the name of Dr. Locklear! Locklear is French German and his accent shows it. They were very close but fell out because of Locklear being involved with the institution and...a certain foundation.
I'll leave it to you to ponder on that one.
#if you have any specific questions about them feel totally free to ask!!!! im so insane and i WILL talk about all of them for hours given#the chance#asks#shut up murphy#ALSO please dont reb/lo/g this im a little afraid of me and tropy's ideas being stolen sgjndfk#th ank
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Emile-Hides told me about their self indulgent(and also super cool) Chzo Mythos au, so I have decided I shall reveal some stuff about mine as well, mostly just random details. Im p sure it diverges from canon quite a bit, especially the parts involving Chris Bc I can’t fully understand Chris’ canon for the life of me(It isn’t actually very complicated I’m just dense for some reason) Most of the first half of this has turned out to be rambling abt the TCS factors of my au specifically.
-Obviously, post TCS events, as I’ve mentioned before Trilby adopts a scuttler which he trains and raises, the scuttler becomes a soldier buzzer when it grows up. Trilby adores it.
-Trilby has a brother! The brother is my interpretation of one of the playable characters in TCS, but I won’t say which one.. yet.
-I wasn’t a huge fan of the paradox full circle 7DAS Malcolm being Trilby thing so I sorta made my own version? 7DAS Malcolm and his family are clones of Trilby and his family made by Chzo so Trilby could fully serve his purpose as a guide. Obviously they aren’t exactly identical because of the huge environmental and time differences.
-My version of the Wizard grew up in The Order Of Blessed Agonies. Her father was a devote member and her role model. Her blessed agony of the soul was supposed to be to kill him. She couldn’t do it. They locked her up and planned to sacrifice her, a member of the Ministry of Occultism however investegated the location, shut it down, and freed her. She then promised herself she’d stop The Order’s plans.
-The scholar kept a wallet with pictures of his family in it to remind him of why he was trying to stop the ancient. Eventually he got word of the murder of his wife and child and... gave up, sadly.
-The warrior found his car, and decided to use his notes to figure out what was happening and how to stop it, on the way he ran into the wizard, and they decided to work together to stop the ancient.
-The invading ancient was Chzo.
-Trilby was trying to find the ancient at the same time, he arrived at Stonehenge very shortly after the Warrior and Wizard had managed to banish Chzo. Trilby helped patched them up and they all talked and all that good stuff. Neither Trilby or the Wizard could really go back to their past at that point. Because of this the Warrior offered to let them stay with him. On the way out of Stonehenge was when Trilby found and grabbed Steve the scuttler.
Ok now on from TCS
-Chris has amnesia. He can’t remember much of what happened before the day his parents died. He also doesn’t remembered what happened to reverse his zombie-ness. He just knows he isn’t a zombie anymore.
-Chris lived with his parents in the house we see in the game, but didn’t have the best relationship with them. Because of this he also had a room at an appartment his friend stayed in(he insisted on helping her pay the rent despite her saying he didn’t have to). He and this friend had known each other since high school and were super close. He doesn’t remember hardly anything about her, but he read some of his old books and saw her name mentioned in the lists of people he thanked, so he does know whoever she was she was important to him.
-The mental hospital Chris stayed in was really a product of its time. The doctors didn’t understand much about the mental illnesses they were treating. Their practices weren’t great, and the psychology they relied on was flaky at best. Chris honestly ended up worse off because of it.
-Trilby did in fact meet Chris while trying to steal a ruby! And yes, they went on a date. Trilby was just trying to get out of trouble. Chris was quite flattered and thought there was more to it. They went their separate ways after that. A few years later when they run into each other when Trilby joins the Ministry, both are a bit shell shocked.
-After the hotel incident Trilby just entirely shut everyone out. He was terrified of everything. He was a mess. Most of the Ministry just brushed him off, another nobody who couldn’t handle the stress of the job. Chris reached out to him and tried to help him through everything. This is how they started getting close.
-When their handler at the time noticed that they were beginning to become friends, she(idk who their handler actually would’ve been so I just made someone up) started sending them on missions together, wanting to see how they’d work together in the field. They worked great, and therefore ended up a pretty well known duo in the ministry.
-Claire is good friends with both Chris and Trilby and is sorta a mother hen type. She’s always pestering them to take care of themselves and be responsible and all that. She’s a very sweet woman.
-Trilby took Simone’s death personally. He took all the deaths related to Chzo and Cabadath personally. Yes he wasn’t particularly close to most of the people, but he still should’ve stopped it. In his mind at least. He feels like since he’s directly connected to Chzo by fate, he shares partial responsibility for the suffering and death Chzo causes that he fails to stop.
-On a lighter note Trilby ended up sorta a father figure to Jim. They keep in contact through mail mostly. It’s part of what compelled Trilby to join the STP: ending up in jail, until Jim found out, would just look like he abandoned the poor kid. He didn’t want to do that to him.
-Trilby has dad instincts. Don’t fight me on this.
-Chris is that person who learns to make all the drinks his friends like so he can surprise them with them when they have a bad day.
-Chris keeps his bedsheets and himself extremely clean despite the rest of his appartment usually being a mess. He figures if he can’t keep up with all of it right now he should keep up with what helps him feel comfortable and work his way up.
-Trilby is the literal definition of organized chaos, his house, his office, all of it looks like a train wreck, but he knows exactly where everything is. It’s magical.
-Chris one time tried to adopt a hellhound. Nobody was exactly happy about that. Chris eventually had to send it back to hell.
-Chris acts shocked when Trilby curses despite Trilby doing it quite often.
-Trilby is more sentimental than you’d think. He keeps a lot of little trinkets and such to hold on to those he loves in a way. If you give him a gift, chances are he’s not getting rid of it unless he absolutely has to. Even then it’s not too likely he’s letting it go. His most treasured keepsake is his mother’s wedding ring.
-Chris can’t take good photos for the life of him. They all come out blurry or overexposed or grainy. He finds it infuriating but his friends find it hilarious.
-Trilby and Chris are those idiots who pine for each other constantly but neither can say crap. Claire just wished they’d get over themselves and kiss already.
#chzo mythos#chzo Mythos au#xdays#xdays series#xdas#I know it’s not too out there but I have big anxiety with straying from canon
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a not so friendly reminder, because im pissed off as hell, that i keep a lot of stuff quiet to avoid ooc drama and stress. this is NOT one of these occasions, because i shut up about it for far too long. the person who is involved actually thinks that theyre getting off scotts free, but hoho and fucking HO theyre not.
i have despised those who played sweethearts, then revealed themselves as addicted to ic/ooc/whatever drama if it gave their muse(s) the spotlight, impulsivity and not really thinking about ic consequences over ooc and vice versa thus possibly harming their rp partners and the shared trust they have, those who only made their muses bond with fucking traumas because its the easiest way to both get attention and 'develope their character' (spoiler; its not!) and with people i cared about that revealed themselves as completely unwilling to take blame for anything that they caused unless it was to gather pity points and try to trick the other person in dropping it due to feeling bad for them waa waa waa. oh, and it includes trashtalking or making up sudden problems about other people who are supposedly close to them because its the easiest way to gather, you guessed it, attentions and pity points! its easier to blame things on people than to look at ourselves and say ''hey, maybe i am the problem, i should work on that...'' and while i can understand that you may not have the correct help network or even the meanings to help yourself, its very hard. but the moment you start hurting people, its when your mind should be dead set in getting actual fucking help. with ANY means necessary. bull-fucking-doze through everything just to get help.
the problem in this is that you promised me to try and change, or fuck off from our lives forever, which is a very convenient alternative of saying ''i do not intent in changing how i behave ever so ill leave you alone''. to quit rp because it was harming your mental health with various drama, and you said that ''you were plenty pissed at yourself'' for ''letting this happen'', when in reality you could have changed it around with a bit of spine put into it, but all the sweet words of support me and others gave to you were better than try and forcing yourself in an uncomfortable position of struggling to change and improve yourself. guess what you did? you never stopped rping. you took some days off cowering to see if there was gonna be backlash, then noticed that we werent going to call you the fuck out for your behavior, and went back to it immediately with 0 remorse, keeping the stuff our muses gifted you because we did not stopped you or told you anything about it so hey a loophole to exploit for muse purposes! it didnt mattered that another person was hurt by the fact that you were finicky and kept making up excuses to keep your muse in a cute uwu relationship as long as you had what you wanted and you could get yourself out of trouble by squeezing out a few tears. im very convinced that you only kept it around to have an excuse to have other relationship, so as soon as you got your #1 prize nothing else mattered to you, but you ALSO wanted that. for your impulsivity, you put muses and muns through uncomfortable, VERY alarming scenarios just to fullfill your need for your muse to be at the center of a fucked up show, and when confronted about it, you would pull the guilt trip card. im over that.
and not only this shitshow, you conveniently retconnected our muses from yours too, instead of addressing the situation properly or giving me more of a ''im sorry i suck sooooo FUCKING MUCH ill go now forget about me since im trash and please beat me to death on the way out''! you received 0 consequences for what you did, so you basked into it and ran like the wind back to what you were doing without a care that you hurt people who cared about you. you were ''still allowed'' to do things, making your final and victimistic speech to me completely and utter horse shit. you lied to me in your intentions because it got me off your back faster, despite me not being even remotely aggressive despite being pissed, but you never had any intentions of bettering yourself. it takes too much work, too many opportunities of attention wasted, so why actually sticking to it? you were deeply overwhelmed each time a muse was into drama, or better, when one of your muses wasnt at the center of attention, while stuffing your own muses FULL OF IT. FULL. OF. IT. i swear to fuck, i have never seen more drama filled muses than yours, and thats NOT a compliment or how a muse should even remotely be. a muse shouldnt be characterized by traumas and have them coddled and cuddled at every step if you want to bond with them. oh, and therapy for your muses to ACTUALLY solve their issues was a long, drawn out attention-filled endless journey that you forced my muse into, but the second someone else that you cared more about suggested it, you made your muse jumped over it like willy the fucking coyote would jump on beep beep, fully knowing that it would have appeared on our dashboards, since you were still following us and unfollowed me shortly after i unfollowed your muses. in case youre wondering, THIS THING was my breaking point. you are addicted to ic and ooc attentions both, and you feel no need to be better about anything until you can get what you want or need. this is entirely fucking malicious, and i cant stand it.
i dont have any other words for you, except that i could still very well give you an ample dose of backlash by simply going back into our chat, copy what you said about certaint people and how much ''trouble'' they were giving you, and paste it to them with no explanations. because, yknow, thanks to your inability of solving simple problems and blowing them WAY out of proportion to get sympathy out of it in hope to get peoples mind off other bigger problems, maybe caused me to misjudge some people who were probably clueless about ''what they were causing you'', because ooc communication is a thing from another planet, yeah? despite me actually CHEERLEADING you the fuck on to talk to them about the troubles you had with them, it never happened. im personally a very screenshott-y person in cases this shit happens. so no use going back and editing or even deleting the messages. i got what i needed already.
i know who i am speaking about. i will not name any names because i wanted this, originally, to stay quiet since it seemed ''solved'', but i know that this shit will reach them, and they will of course do absolutely nothing because of the reasons i listed upwards. maybe whine and moan and play victim as usual, probably trashtalk me around or twist the narrative instead of yknow trying to fix stuff. which i dont expect them to do, which they have NEVER done until they had no other way to receive attentions or to slip out of a situation, yadda yadda yadda. peace the fuck out. im done with this bullshit.
#;;ooc#ooc drama ;;#ask to tag ;;#this is surprisingly short. idc#if yall have other tags you need tagged hmu
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Everything Is Blue
WARNINGS: severe angst, suicidal themes, suggestive sexual content, eventual suicide, mental illnesses, eventual character death, unhappy ending, suicidal content, graphic suicide
A/N: please don't read if you're depressed, this is a very sad story but im proud of it because I actually finished something for ONCE. NONE of this is based on real life, it's all fiction. Jaehyun just fit my idea of this character, and I hope no one gets the wrong idea that I tried to glamorize suicide. And also, I do not feel suicidal and I am not depressed because of writing this, i simply got this idea while thinking I should try and write angst. On another note, I hope whoever reads this likes it or at least it makes you feel some type of emotion. Thank you. *i did not proofread at all btw*
Song: Colors by Halsey
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August 3rd
Jaehyun and I sat in a field of Nemophila by the river, the sun shining and clouds floating above us eating strawberries and our laughter filling the hot summer air. Jaehyun had taken me to the museum to see his favorite painting an hour beforehand, telling me it reminded him of me. It was a simple painting, blue sky with fluffy white clouds on a sunny day. I'd almost stayed home that day, not wanting to go anywhere due to a flurry of sudden panic attacks that week. "When you're feeling anxious, come here and call me and I'll come as quick as I can." At that moment, I'd been filled with happiness due to Jaehyun's caring nature but I should have been the one making sure he had somewhere to go when he was upset, but his feelings of sadness weren't noticeable back then. Giving him a hug wasn't enough to stop the pain he felt daily just from living. Laughter hurt, and so did seeing me smile making guilt rush through him at the fact that I brought him some happiness, but not enough for him to change his mind.
September 19th
Jaehyun wrote poetry about clouds and sunshine and the color blue. He would have painted himself blue if it was socially exceptable. Most of the poems he let me read brought tears to my eyes, ruining my mascara. He always wiped the mascara off, then he'd kiss all my tears away telling me that's how poetry should make me feel. I told him many times how intense it felt, the emotions brought out by the poems he wrote and he'd stare at me and say" that's how i feel about you." Intense. Wildly. Airy. Bright and warm like sunshine shining down through clouds. Most people tell you to write when you're feeling blue to get whatever you're feeling out of your system so that you can feel yellow and bright again,but he still wished for the sun to poison him. He wished for dehydration and shock to take him away instead of writing useless poems.
October 13th
Friday the thirteenth. Bad omens were shown, I just didn't recognize them. I look back now and something had been off about Jaehyun that day. His smile wasn't the same. It was crooked in a way that it was almost a frown, but to outsiders it passed as a normal expression of happiness. He painted sometimes just like writing, and his paintings left me feeling blue just like the blue sky in august, like the painting in the museum, like the color of the walls in his room. It wasnt even a sad painting-he'd painted a red rose in a field of baby blue eyes by a river at night. It wasn't even sad, but when i touched the paper after it dried, I just wanted to cry. He'd held me telling me about the meaning behind it. "It's supposed to make you appreciate things and people that are different, but still appreciate the normal things and people too. No one should be left out. That everyone and everything is more than meets the eye, you just have to look deeper." The way he talked made me want to cry, and he could sense something was wrong, but the fact that I couldn't look deeper to notice his sadness made me tell him everything was fine. I pretended I was fine and I pretended he was fine, so that in the moment, I could feel like everything was fine when nothing about that day was fine. That night he'd went home and cried himself to sleep, and he'd almost done something heartwrenching but I couldn't ask him a simple 'are you okay?'. He would have lied anyways, but maybe if i would have pushed him to answer he wouldn't have cried alone that night or almost took a razor to his skin.
November 7th
Jaehyun and I would sit in my room for hours in comfortable silence, him drawing while i read books. He'd been noticeably upset on this day. To the point where I kept asking him what was wrong and was everything okay. He started rambling about death and blood to the point where fear bubbled up inside of me, spilling out into the world and when he noticed I was terrified, he had cried and apologized repeatedly. He'd thrown his drawing pad in the middle of all of this, it getting lost behind my bed. I'd held him for hours after that, hoping he would feel better and calm down. It worked on the outside, and I foolishly believed I'd helped him on the inside as well. He wasn't okay, and the way he had talked about blood and death so freely spoke volumes about what he thought of daily. If only I'd tried to look deeper. Most of us take what we see on the outside and assume that there's nothing more to see and we should look away as to not disturb the normalcy of the world.
December 25th
Christmas day was snowy and beautiful, the sun fighting it's way through the clouds to shine down on everything to try and melt the snow, but the snow was relentless and the roads icy. The gifts didnt matter that day as everyone was together and that made Jaehyun filled to the brim with happiness, which mattered a lot more. That night we lay together wrapped in nothing but the warmest blue blanket we could find, the snow falling against the window and the christmas lights above us in my room shining down us painting our faces in green and red. He was happy, but that didn't mean the pain had suddnely disappeared and that family made the bad thoughts run away, he was just hiding them. That night he whispered how much he loved me , lips against my temple. He told me I was the only gift he needed. He didnt know that he was the only gift I needed, and that him staying could have been so much better. Maybe that's selfish. On Christmas some people expect everything they want to be given but give nothing to others. That year, I was sadly part of the people who expect and was given everything I wanted but I gave nothing.
February 14th
Jaehyun's birthday. I had thrown him a surprise party that he loved, wearing a blue dress with pink hearts on it since it was also Valentine's day. Once he opened his gifts, which was a copy of the painting with the clouds on a sunny day that he absolutely adored and a necklace with my name on it in the shape of a cloud. His dimples stayed out all day, like I wish they would have stayed for life. As a Valentine's gift he gave me a blue rose and a painting of me by the river sitting in the field of Nemophila. That night I ended up in only his blue flannel with marks of his love on my skin the next morning,his whispers of "i love you more than anything" ingrained in my thoughts forever. I'd told him the same, but it didnt count as much since he said it first, and knowing now that that wasn't enough for him to stay breaks my heart all over again.
March 2nd
We spent the day walking around despite him being vocal of not feeling like getting out of bed, and he was a bit angry with me until I got him laughing by singing embarrassing 80's songs and dancing awkwardly. We both danced until we got tired, our legs exhausted and breathing was a difficult feat. I told him that he didn't deserve to be sad and he told me "i deserve whatever the world throws at me" which made me worry about him for weeks. I didnt tell him that, although maybe I should have. I just didn't want to make him feel bad when i started having panic attacks again because of it. He didn't know and didn't mean to, he just was in so much pain.
April 20th
He'd cooked for me on this day, telling me he felt a lot better. He appeared completely calm and peaceful like how some people get after doing things they love. Which he was good at cooking and enjoyed it, so I was extremely happy. He hadn't cooked in months-not like this. He was also baking. He wouldn't let me go in his kitchen. "It's a surprise, darling. Just be patient" Although he acted normal enough, whatever normal means, i sensed sadness coming from his being. After we ate, I felt nauseous. He turned into a concerning boyfriend rather than a happy one which made me upset since I knew he was keeping his sadness a secret. While he went to clean the kitchen after throwing a blanket on my cold body, I felt even more nauseous and after contemplating on whether or not to run to the bathroom my body decided for me. Vomiting isn't something anyone is fond of, and Jaehyun was even more concerned when he found me lying on the floor against the bathtub. He threw all the food away after that and blamed himself for me getting sick, though It was just a case of me eating way too much. Once in his bed, he kept apologizing and ended up crying but I held him and told him everything was okay. He didn't tell me that every small thing affected him so horribly it'd leave him wishing he'd never been born. He didn't know that those small things were things he couldn't help, but his brain told him that he ruined everything.
May 27th
Sitting in the field of Baby blue eyes with him felt different this time. More peaceful. We laid down side by side watching the clouds, he always said he wanted to float in the clouds but not anything about how he wanted to be buried like the roots of the nemophila we laid on. He didn't tell me he didnt want to grow anymore, not by himself and not with me-not with anyone. Instead he told me how much he loved me, that he'd die for me and told me it all day. He wouldn't let his hands off of me, never letting go of my hand or arm or hips. He wouldn't let go. He asked me to stay the night and keot me in his arms until I had to work the next day, getting upset when I left. He didn't tell me I'd only have a week or two left of this. Left of being in love, left of seeing his pretty smile and those dimples he was known for showing almost all the time. He didn't tell me he was looking for reasons to stay, trying so hard not to give up.
June 16th
When I'd woken up, a feeling of dread left me near tears all day. I hadn't seen Jaehyun in three days and it'd gotten late in the day without a word from him which was unusual. I pushed the uncomfortable feeling to the side until I'd decided to leave to go see him after calling him and texting him repeatedly. While walking out the door I remembered that day when he'd terified me with that talk of blood and death and him throwing his drawing pad. Worry filled my being, making me feel sick as I pushed my bed onto the side to find his blue drawing pad.
Tears stream down my face at the drawing I found. In my hands was the reason for all his weird behavior,all his guilt and all of his pain. He wanted to die. My Jaehyun wanted to disappear from this world forever. I throw the drawing pad in a random direction and run. I call all of our friends and his family, wanting to know if they had seen him. None of them had. I didn't want it to be true.
My legs carried me to the field of baby blue eyes by the streaming river, the sun shining down so brightly and the clouds reminding me of the painting Jaehyun loved so much.
My legs were already cramping but I pushed through that pain to find the love of my life laying in a field of nemophila, his wrists slit so terribly blood is all you could see. Flowing from his wrists to drip onto the plants under him, it was so red and gory I stopped breathing, running over to him to begin screaming while on the phone with one of his best friends. Johnny knew something was wrong, his voice got further away as he told Mark to call someone. To call 911, to get help.
In Jaehyun's hand was a a razor blade and I grabbed it, throwing the wretched thing far from us. I kept shaking him and screaming at him to get up. Nothing worked. Around his neck was the cloud necklace, and despite the horror I could see, he looked extremely peaceful, his eyes shut permanently. My Jaehyun was gone, and he'd died where he loved, but he'd felt so unloved to come to this place.
I'd never enjoy bright sunny days or museums again. I couldn't, not when I couldn't see Jaehyun's dimples or hold his warm hand. As much as he wanted to burn, he'd left the world cold. The sun still shined so brightly down on us as if nothing had ever happened in this place.
🌹
#angst#jung jaehyun#jaehyun angst#nct angst#jung jaehyun angst#sadness#possibly very triggering#bmwriting#bloommelonwrites
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Medical Research
SPOILERS FOR DETECTIVE PIKACHU!! Even the summary has spoilers I ain’t kidding.
Fandom: Pokémon, Detective Pikachu movie
Characters: Mewtwo, Harry Goodman, Detective Pikachu but he doesn’t do much
Words: 2600
Summary: How, exactly, did Harry Goodman get Mewtwo into PCL? He certainly didn’t capture the most powerful Pokémon in the world. The only possibility is that he persuaded Mewtwo to go.
But what would persuade Mewtwo, whose first conscious act was to blast its way out of a scientific lab full of gene experimenting, to willingly walk into one?
Notes: Call me Babe Ruth.
"Medical research!"
Mewtwo froze, glowing hand outstretched toward the floating human's chest—still poised to blast him halfway to the northeast Kanto coast with a single mental flex. A Pikachu was clinging to his shirt, huddling over his heart with eyes squeezed shut.
Slowly, Mewtwo's hand stopped glowing. But it didn't let go yet. "Explain."
The human gasped in a breath as the pressure Mewtwo was exerting on his body to keep him floating loosened, then automatically kicked his legs as if trying to stay aloft as he felt gravity take hold of him again. Mewtwo wasn't going to drop him. Not yet, anyway.
"J—just outside Ryme City, in Sinnoh," the human said. "There's a lab! They want—"
Mewtwo's skin prickled at the word lab. "I am not interested in being experimented on by humans again." It raised its hand. The human yelped as he jerked another few feet in the air.
"Listen to him!" the Pikachu cried. "He's not here to hurt you, I promise! Please!"
Mewtwo hesitated, ruminating on the Pikachu's request. The pair had approached it with words instead of attacks, and with none of the complicated machinery designed to entrap and ensnare that the likes of Team Rocket and their many subsequent bounty hunters tended to throw at it. Mewtwo could have chalked it up to cockiness—but the human wasn't even carrying poké balls. Not even one for the Pikachu. The only machinery he had on him was a cell phone.
They weren't here to catch it.
Slowly, Mewtwo lowered the pair—and then dropped them, from three feet up, to the muddy bank of the Cerulean River. The human landed hard and groaned; Pikachu squealed in surprise.
"Very well. I will listen," Mewtwo said. "Explain your research—and why I should want anything to do with it."
"Nnh..." The human sat up, lifted his arms, and grimaced at the mud covering them from elbow down. "Not—not my research. I was—hired, by the guy funding it. You've heard of Howard Clifford?"
"No."
"Ahh. Great. Well, he's uh, he's this—big, idealist philanthropist type guy—it's that whole archetype, the benevolent futurist billionaire thing, you know the type—"
"I do not."
The human stopped, mouth partway open, caught mid-sentence and unsure how to go on now. "Right. Well, I'm—I'm sure you'll meet him, if you decide you want to come. Anyway, he wants to make medicine from the genes of Pokémon, that can be used on both humans and different Pokémon. Stuff like, uh, uh... identifying the genes that are altered when Wailmer turns into Wailord, and injecting them into Grotle so they get way, way larger when they evolve."
Mewtwo tilted its head. "Why would they do that?"
The human opened his mouth. Then stopped with his mouth open again, brow furrowed, and thought about that. "You know, I—I don't actually... know why they did that. I think I was, uh, busy gawking at the ginormous Torterra when they explained the whole... purpose, of that specific project."
It didn't matter, ultimately. Mewtwo's skin was prickling again, at this talk of genes shuffling between Pokémon as casually as scavengers trading berries, and its instincts were telling it to go hide.
Hide where, though? The human had done what few others had done before: tracked Mewtwo down to its hidden sanctuary, an unobtrusive mountain cave hiding in the shadow of Mt. Moon. Mewtwo's fault for being so being so merciful to other explorers who'd passed through. If it showed mercy to this one as well—and, at this point, it supposed, it would—then its location would be known to this benevolent futurist billionaire the human had mentioned, and who knew how many others would be sent after it. And soon Team Rocket would learn of its location again. This sanctuary was no longer safe for Mewtwo—and it wouldn't be safe for any of the other Pokémon in it, either, if Mewtwo didn't leave it behind for good.
For a moment, Mewtwo was furious at the human for discovering it.
It forced itself not to act on its rage. But the Pikachu sensed the rage all the same, fixing Mewtwo with a hard look, his cheeks crackling.
"You have accomplished a feat that very few humans have ever achieved, in tracking me down on purpose," Mewtwo said. "To have done so, you must know a great deal about me. You must know what I am—what I come from."
The human hesitated, the nodded. "Little—little island near Cinnabar, right? A cloning experiment? Sponsored by a gym leader with ties to organized crime."
"I am far beyond a mere 'cloning experiment.' Tell me: do I look like a Mew?"
"Well, I can't say I've ever seen a Mew, but—" The human stared at Mewtwo for a long moment, taking in its height, its oddly fused fingers, its strange bony sternum, its misshapen double neck, "—but no, you... don't exactly look like the cave art."
"I am Pokémon gene splicing. I am what happens when humans try to improve upon Pokémon—when humans snip DNA apart like so many little lengths of rope and knot them back together. I should not be."
"Hey now, that's pretty harsh on yourself—"
"And there should not be other things like me," Mewtwo said firmly. "I do believe you both came here with good intentions. But your intentions mean nothing in the face of the abominations you're asking for."
The human stared at Mewtwo a moment longer, hard—this time, not like he was taking in its body, but like he was looking for something deeper. Mewtwo didn't like that look. It felt... penetrating.
"Hey." The human's voice was softer now. "Listen." He slowly got to his feet, brushing excess mud off his rear. Pikachu scampered up to his shoulder and settled there. "You've... you've had bad experiences with humans. Especially humans in labs. Especially especially humans in labs talking about genes. I get that. I understand why you wouldn't want to go back to one. I wouldn't blame you or judge you in the slightest for completely rejecting anybody coming up to you to talk about anything that's got to do with humans in labs with genes." He paused. "But I hope you'll consider not rejecting it. Because there's a lot of people and Pokémon out there, right now, every day, suffering—from injuries they won't recover from, from diseases we don't have cures to—and the Pokémon Comprehensive Laboratory in Ryme City is trying to change that. You can't im—"
He stopped, face twisting, swallowed hard; Pikachu fussed with his hair for a moment until he'd collected himself. "You can't imagine what it's like," he said, voice hoarser than it had been just a moment earlier, "what it's like, watching someone you love—waste away, and die. From an illness that there's no cure for yet."
Telepath though Mewtwo was, it had never been much of a mind reader; and what skill it had once possessed had atrophied to nothing under Team Rocket's tender care. It was a very weak empath at best. But it didn't need to be strong to feel the sudden miasmas of decade-old grief leaking from the human, like poisonous gas from a Koffing's craterous pores.
It drifted closer to the human, equal parts intrigued and pitying, feet inches above the muddy riverbank. "You speak from experience?"
The human shrugged with his un-Pikachu-occupied shoulder. "Do you know what cancer is?"
"I've been told I am a cancer," Mewtwo said. "A Mew who's more tumor than healthy tissue."
The human let out a startled laugh. "Well—that shows you can survive it, right? That's more than most people can say. Imagine what that would be like—being made of cancer, but never dying from it." He sniffed hard, shook his head, and collected himself again. "Listen, I uh—I didn't come to talk about my life. Sorry. But—Howard's poured a lot of money, manpower, and poképower into tracking you down. And he's done it all because he believes, sincerely believes, that something in your genes—your weird, part-prehistoric-demigod, part-manmade-mishmash genes—holds the key to making life a whole lot better for a whole lot of sick folks. I don't get the science behind it, but he's got people who do—and to them, you're not Wailord genes in a Grotle. You're everything."
Mewtwo glanced away from the pair, considering the proposition uneasily. As much as it reviled the thought of returning to another lab... had it not been working, for years, to undo the things that Team Rocket had done to it? The damage that had been done to its soul—if it had such a thing—its mind, if not. For years, now, it had been fighting to unlearn all that Team Rocket had taught it about where a Pokémon's worth comes from, and the supremacy of power, and the dynamic of master and tool between human and Pokémon. Mewtwo was not the same Pokémon that had fled from Viridian City so many years ago.
Maybe it was time, too, to unlearn its fear of white coats and the smell of sterilized steel.
Maybe it was time to see if it could redefine how it saw its own genes—not as slap in the face of the natural order, but as a gift to the world.
It wanted to be a gift.
"I am... proficient, in genetics," Mewtwo confessed. "I have conducted my own experiments in augmented cloning. You've come to ask if I'd offer my body to medicine. I can also offer my mind."
The human blinked at it. "Augmented cl—what, what-what, what kind of augmented cloning?"
Mewtwo cringed in shame. "Enhancing a Pokémon's strength. For battle. Augmenting their innate special powers."
"Wh..." For a moment, the human just stared. "Th—yeah! Yeah, that's—that's fantastic. Hey, the PCL's got some Froakie it tries out all its new discoveries on—Froakie adapt really well to new DNA, apparently—you can show them what you've got, see if they think it's useful?"
Mewtwo nodded hesitantly. "My procedures don't allow for genes to be inserted into already-living Pokémon. I'll have to clone new ones."
"Maybe they'll be able to help you figure out how to put it in living Pokémon? Froakie evolve a couple of times, it should be easy to get the genes in them."
"Perhaps. If they're willing. If they're volunteers." It would have to ask them, personally—all the Pokémon in the facility—if they'd volunteered. If even one hadn't...
"So, that's a yes, right?" the human said. "You're in? Gonna come help make the world a better place?"
"Provided I will be treated like a volunteer, not a test subject," Mewtwo said, "yes. I'm in."
"Yesss." The human performed a slow fist pump.
Pikachu cheered, then beamed up at Mewtwo. "Thank you. You've made my partner really happy."
Partner. Not trainer, nor owner, nor master. "I would not have given him a chance had you not vouched for him." It would not have given a chance to any human who didn't have a human to vouch for them; but it had found that Pikachu tend to be particularly good judges of character.
"Wh— Are you talking to—?" The human pointed to the Pikachu on his shoulder.
"Of course. Did you think I, a Pokémon, am only capable of communicating with humans?"
The human paused. "No! No, of course I didn't. I just, didn't think about— He vouched for me?"
Mewtwo nodded. The human smiled at Pikachu. "Aww. That's the sweetest— Hey, buddy. Fist bump." He held his fist up. Pikachu leaned forward, planting both hands on his knuckles; sparks snapped between them.
"This facility is in Ryme City?" Mewtwo asked. "Can you describe the neighborhood so I can find it? Preferably from a bird's eye view."
"Oh, no, don't worry about— Howard said if I actually found you, he could send a charter flight. We get to ride to Sinnoh in style."
"I see." Rich, ran his own science lab, could summon up airplanes at his convenience... Mewtwo had yet to met this Howard, but it was already uneasy at the thought of his power. It seemed like a very familiar power.
But he wasn't using his power to design the world's most powerful Pokémon; he was using it to cure diseases.
And Mewtwo wasn't going to be one of his possessions; it was going to be a volunteer. A volunteer who had been asked to come, by a human and a Pikachu who'd approached with words instead of weapons. It would be a volunteer. Perhaps even a scientist.
That thought also made it uneasy.
"Ugh, the mud's starting to crust on me." The human shook his hands. Not much mud came off. "You mind if we head back into town so I can wash off in my hotel?"
Mewtwo wasn't fond of the idea of venturing into Cerulean City. It glanced to the side. "There's a river right here."
"Well yeah, but—I don't want to walk back into town with soaking wet pants."
"You could take them off."
The human's face screwed up. "Thaaat's not going to work for a human."
Mewtwo waited for him to explain why. He didn't. Maybe it was an instinct. One must respect other species' instincts, even if one doesn't understand them.
"I will wait, then. At the entrance to the cave." Mewtwo raised higher, preparing to leave for its shelter. It would perhaps be its last opportunity to visit the cave for a long time. "When you're ready to go to Sinnoh, come find me."
"Yeah. Okay." The human nodded. "And—thanks, Mewtwo."
Mewtwo nodded. Then, slowly, spoke: "Thank you. For all of my life, the means of my birth have been a... a burden to overcome. I have lived my life striving to prove that I have worth in spite of how I was made. I think... it will be good to learn whether, despite all the horrors I went through—and committed—some worth can be found in me because of how I was made. I appreciate this opportunity, human."
The human looked surprised. "Wow. That's... You're kind of a deep guy, Mewtwo."
"I have a lot of time to think," it said. "And the most powerful brain on the planet."
The human huffed a laugh. "Hey, before I go—you don't have to call me 'human.' I shoulda introduced myself earlier, but, you know—" He held one hand up, first two and last two fingers pressed together, and imitated the gesture Mewtwo had made when it levitated him into the air. "The name's Harry. Harry Goodman."
"Hairy Good Man," Mewtwo repeated dubiously. "I have seen hairier humans."
"No, it's— That's spelled H-A-R-R-Y," Hairy said. "No I."
Mewtwo nodded slowly. "I can't read."
The human stared at it. Then shook his head slightly. "I don't know why I assumed you could."
Now that they'd been properly introduced—and now that Mewtwo had spilled more of its inner life to a human in thirty seconds than it had to anyone else in the past decade—Mewtwo was more than ready to be alone. To prepare itself for a trip to Sinnoh. To the lab. "Go." It gestured with its head in the direction of Cerulean City. Its highest roofs could just barely be seen over the trees beyond the river. "I'll be waiting."
"Right, right." Hairy turned toward Cerulean City; then turned back around again, in the direction of the nearest bridge back across the river, far in the opposite direction. He sighed quietly. Pikachu craned his head, checking for wild Pokémon along the route ahead.
Mewtwo gently lifted him up—he yelped in surprise—carried him over the river, and sat him on his feet on the opposite bank. "Oh—thanks!" He waved.
Mewtwo nodded again; then floated there, and watched, as Hairy headed back toward town. Pikachu turned to watch Mewtwo over his shoulder until they were gone.
Walking into a lab of its own free will. (Medical lab, it reminded itself again. Medicine, not power.) It hoped it wasn't making a mistake.
It hoped its genes would help people.
Comments/reblogs are welcome! If you want to leave a tip or like the fic on AO3, the links are in my description!
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Model!AU: Minghao
getting closer and missing hao inspired this.
heavy content + mentions of violence+ mentions of medicine/mental health + onesided feelings so be forewarned.
tldr; modeling is hard. minghao breakdowns. good ending, i promise.
it should have been obvious since the beginning of the shoot that there was going to be a problem
but, naively, you had thought nothing of it at all
he’d been on edge all week from a packed schedule
first a trip to italy for fashion week, then a branding meeting in france, a non-stop flight to korea followed to discuss plans for his face to grace the streets of myeongdong, three interviews for three different magazines, and now here - in china - for a campaign that was paying at least triple what they usually would just so they could get him
xu minghao
and him snapping at the designer for picking out the wrong size for the first outfit was to be expected
but then there was the bickering with the photographer, the calling of names of the poor and terrified interns, and then his wrath turned upon props
fake flowers began being flung across the room
his hermes paris loafers scuffed and dirtied from when he’d put his foot through the background screen in angry disapproval of its color
his hand, clad in rubies and sterling silver, clutching at one of the light bulbs that had powered his background light
clenched perfect teeth, seething broad shoulders
“ill crush this thing and use the shards to cut your neck if you make me look like an idiot - i swear you won’t get away with it”
that’s where you’d realized it had took a turn for the worse
not just because of property damage, or bad character, but because minghao was literally threatening someone
his violent outbursts had become more common as he grew in popularity - but this was the first time he’d said something like that
something that could be filmed, recorded, leaked to the press
and then his career would be over
as his personal assistant, you had to do something
so you pushed forward onto the set
making apologizes to everyone as you grabbed minghao by the sides of his jacket and whispered in the lowest -but calmest - voice you could
“hao, let me get you back to the hotel - ok?”
his eyes, flaming amber settled into yours
you’d always been his friend, even before his modeling career, and out of all the people in the world
you could smolder any fire that he set ablaze
so rolling his shoulders and straightening himself out
minghao took one last look around the set
the poor photographer, probably thirty years older than him, too scared to meet his gaze
and said - in monotone, emotionless mandarin - that they could do this all again tomorrow
and that they better do it right
he’d marched forward, through the doors to where the rest of his team was waiting
his chauffeur, his bodyguard, his manager, his makeup artist
you stayed behind an extra couple of minutes for damage control
bowing, hanging your head low and apologizing - assuring that you’d pay for the ruined background, the stomped out flowers, but most of all
you promised you’d have minghao back here tomorrow
in a more,,,,,,positive,,,,,,,,mood
after it all, you’d climbed into the black jaguar that waited outside of the building somewhere in downtown beijing
and heard minghao groan
his face illuminated by the screen of his phone
“look at this, they completely twisted what i said in the interview!”
he tilted his phone to show you the news title
“millennial model and chinese breakout fashion sensation xu minghao says that sometimes he hates his job?!?!”
you see that the publisher is grazia, you make a note to call and get it fixed up
you take the phone from minghao, exit out of the browser and instead open up his messages
“your mom texted while you were on set, you should answer her”
minghao’s long fingers graze yours as he takes the phone back, he reads the message - but you see him close the chat
resting his head against the window he mutters that he cant deal with her right now
“she’s your mo-”
“i know. stop policing me like im some sort of kid, ill get back to her when i do.”
he snaps, not even giving you the decency to turn back your way
you don’t huff or try to pick a fight, instead you just look straight forward past the partition
onto the road ahead of you and wonder
when did he become such a ,,,,,,,,,,, monster?
the night is sleepless for you, it’s been that way for a long time now
you spend it sending out emails and responses to the millions of business inquiries an hungry brands that want minghao to model for them
you spend it on the phone with the company back in korea, explaining what happened today - getting yelled at for it - and then making sure the money is wired over so you can pay back the photographer like you said
you spend it double, triple, even quadruple checking minghao’s schedule and updating it or fixing it
so that not a moment is to spare
even though it hurts knowing how much all of this is taking a toll on the boy you were once best friends with
for a while you drift into memories
minghao, not as tall and slender as he is now but still a head above you, in his school uniform in your backyard
your favorite song at the moment on blast from your phone
how he’d take his shoes off and dance - try to get you up and to copy him
but you could never match his natural talent, the way his long limbs moved like water
you remember the days where minghao laughed, loud and shameless
the days where he’d flip through magazines and point out big names and say, with confidence, that he’d one day get to represent them
wink your way and ask “isn’t my face the best in china?”
you’d crinkle your nose, but the reality was his face was the best in china - maybe even the world
and now that he’d earned that title from everyone else
it was like that cheerful, playful boy had been buried deep under layers of expensive fabrics, makeup, and diamonds
and all you had now was the shell of your best friend
a body and a face that resembled xu minghao - but had lost all of the light within it
you had to snap out of those thoughts, noting that it was nearing 4am and even if it was an hour of sleep - it was an hour you’d need to deal with what was to come
minghao was late, but you had planned ahead and told the photographer to take him time setting up
he showed up in maison margiela pinstripe trousers, a gucci medusa sweater, burberry hightops, the interlocking necklace sent from versace as a gift and vintage dior homme shades that blocked the lazer like intensity of his already annoyed gaze
all together he cost roughly the same amount as most people made in half a year - working five days a week fulltime
and he had worn it as a “sorry im late, i didnt want to come” kind of laidback outfit
you bit back the urge to ask him what he’d been up to
the faint smell of floral cologne and refusal to look directly into the light told you all you had to know
minghao had developed a kind of ritual - you’d call it that to avoid slandering him
when things didn’t go right, he’d find someone pretty. take two or more of those depression meds mixed in with something a little more fun. and in the morning
he’d cover it up with expensive accessories and for some reason let you - and only you - be the one to fix him up
letting the perfume stuck on his skin fill the space between you two as you’d reach up and move strands of hair from his eyes or make sure any blemish - that were hardly ever there - was hidden
you didn’t understand why he did that to you
did he enjoy seeing the pain in your eyes? the feeling of betrayal radiating between your bodies?
it had been an unspoken oath between you two as teenagers, that you really and deeply cared for each other
the word “love” was never uttered - but it was obvious
how you looked at one and other, how minghao had a sharp tongue but kept it under locks around you
how you looked up at him with adoration that could only be rivaled by old, married couples
you had been called the soulmates of your hometown
and now you were stuck in a dizzy cloud of his one night stands stench,,,,,,and worst of all,,,,it was on purpose
“is- is he ready?”
the photographer asks, to which minghao scoffs
“im right here, just ask me if im ready. don’t ask my assistant.”
you swallow as the photographer gives a small nod to his team
the designer comes to get minghao ready - but minghao ignores him and sways his way over to you
you try not the take any deep breathes, the undertones of rose dance around him in blaring waves
“can you make sure i look alright?”
he demands, stating it like a question just for the audience. you know you aren’t under the pretense to say no
“of course”
your answer is flat - but you do follow through, taking a step closer and searching his face for an imperfection
he’s statuesque - the features on his face look like they’ve been hand molded to be perfect
when you reach to take off his glasses, you’re met with eyes that look like onyx now that they’re makeup free and up close
the shape is unworldly, long and accented against the backdrop of his clear, clean skin
you trace from the eyes to the lips: perfect, perfect, perfect
you waver because you could keep looking, let your eyes travel downwards over his godly proportions
elegantly long neck, strong collarbones, incomparable body with arms and legs you’ve imagined being tangled up in
so you don’t
you restrain yourself and tell minghao
“you look fine.”
you wait for the complimentary smirk, the click of his tongue, but instead he just continues to stare
till you feel like he’s reduced you to dust in his eyes
and turns to make way toward set
the shoot goes much smoother, there is no destruction and no yelling
and everyone signs an agreement that prohibits them from leaking any of the events that transpired
minghao finally changes from the last outfit, looks uninterested in all the praise thrown his way
and snaps his fingers toward his bodyguard who steps into line beside him and sternly explains that the shoot is over - no autographs or photos can be taken now
you don’t ride in minghao’s jaguar back to the hotel
you need to pick up some of the orders minghao has placed with stores around town
and you are grateful for the time spent apart
because every now and then you feel that spiraling feeling haunt over you
the unrequited devotion you’d developed for minghao when you before young
and the sting of his lowly treatment
sure, you were still the sole person to calm him down, to keep him from lashing out in public, from almost attacking anything or anyone that as much as made him twitch in annoyance
but he wasnt an angel to you either
you were convinced he knew how you felt- how you used to feel
and making you stand in front of him like a fool after he’d spent the night frolicking from one pair of lips to the other was embarrassing
his respect for you had turned to obligation, talking to you sometimes like he was doing you favor bringing you along
when in reality this job was a nightmare on your body and mental state just as much as it was for him
you were no model, your face wasnt on magazines, and you didnt have fans falling at your feet everywhere you went
but your body ached from sleepless nights and constant travel
your head spun from trying to remember dates, dealing with huge design teams, rude press, problems with the company, and of course from having to live day to day in minghao’s shadow
you didnt want his fame, you saw what it did to him
but you did want your friend
when he’d made you his personal assistant after his debut, he didnt even dare to call you an “assistant”
he introduced you with your name - told designers and photographers and fans that you were the one always there to keep him sane
that he would be nothing without you
and now,,,, he was treating you - and everyone else - like they were nothing
and you just didnt understand why
how was this the boy who’d always been concerned about you in the winter when you went out without a scarf
how was this the boy who’d once told a fellow friend of yours that in the future - you were were going to get married and make the world a better place together
you throwing a half eaten chunk of bread at him, redfaced and going “why would i marry you - xu minghao?”
and he’d chuckled and said “who else are you going to marry? everyone knows we’re each others destiny!”
had all of those moments been a lie - sometimes you were scared you made them up in your head
but you had photos and video and years of experience to know, that at one point, minghao was different
grateful for the mediocre jobs he got, grateful for his family, grateful for you
you had been there when he was teaching himself to pose in the mirror
when he was begging brands to give him a second chance, to even just consider his portfolio
you had been there when that portfolio was three cheap headshots that you and him had pooled your money together for
you were always there ,,,,,,,, and you didnt know if you could handle that anymore
when you returned to the hotel, dragging what had to be eight different bags out of the elevator and into minghao’s private suite
you called out to let him now you’d arrived
for a second, there was no response
and you vaguely assumed he’d fallen asleep or that he’d stepped out to speak to the manager or something
but then you listened
and heard the water running in the bathtub
your mind snapped into action and you rushed inside
you’d seen minghao practically naked for covershoots before - so you weren’t at all shy of walking in on something
you were more terrified of what could have been going on
and minghao was inside
the water was overflowing in the tub and he was standing in fornt of the large scale mirror
eyes wide, pills in the sink, scissors in his hands
“hao - wh-what are you doing?”
you panic, trying to make a plan
should i turn off the water first? should i get the scissors? should i call for backup?
but minghao just stares - as if past his reflection, into something deeper in the mirror
“you’ve abandoned me.”
you blink
“w-what are you talking about hao, im right here-”
“NO”
he grabs a fistful of his hair and clutches it so hard his knuckles pale
his eyes winded, ringed with an unfamiliar agony to them
“no, you’re not. you’re not here. you’re not here. you’re always gone when i need you. you - you -”
he searches for words, but doesn’t find them
instead he brings up the scissors and you ready yourself to jump on him, to grab his torso and hold him back with all your strength
but he’s fast
and the hair he’s clutched, in one clean snip - he cuts it off
the strands fall into the sink and the water from the overflowing bathtub rises to your ankles
“we entered this world together. you used to think of only me. you had eyes only for me. i was like,,,,,like david, like apollo, like the archangel michael and now you just look at me and you see,,,,,,fine?”
his voice cracks and you recall the conversation this morning
where he’d made you evaluate him before the shoot
how you’d just thought he wanted you to suffer, knowing what he did last night
“hao, you know - you know better than anyone that i will only ever have eyes for you. im so in love with you that i let you berate me, torture me, make me a fool - how could you think i would ever,,,,,,ever,,,,,,leave your side?”
the emotions in you shake and pour out like the water that is getting higher and higher in the bathroom
“put the scissors down, you’ll ruin your ha-”
you start and minghao throws his head back
“i dont care about my hair. i dont care about my face. i dont care about my body. because no one - not even you - cares about ME. WHO I AM! LOOK AT THIS STUPID, EMPTY THING IVE BECOME!”
he spins himself around to face you, bringing the scissors up and cutting wherever he can
until you stop him, the clumps of hair falling into the water, sticking to your clothes and the towel that hangs low around his hips
“hao, why are you doing this,,,,what is happening,,,,please tell me why you’re in pain,,,”
he breathes heavily, seething with something - not anger, not fear, but some kind of inbetween
“you think i dont know that i hurt people? that ive become a fucking asshole? i cant stop it!”
he presses a hand flat against his chest
“i cant stop it because it protects me. if im mean and harsh, no one will take advantage. no one will take what ive earned -”
“but why do you take it out on your team? on the manager or the bodyguard? why do you take it out on me?
he shakes, eyes wavering to the door behind you, to the water at your feet, to the spot on your face that he’s focused on instead of your eyes
“because you ,,,,,, you dont love me how you used to. you love me for my price - for my fame. you dont love hao, you love model xu minghao and im not -”
he sinks suddenly, dropping first to his knees and then leaning forward
you follow and catch him so his head lands against your shoulder
the water soaks through your clothes and the steam from the shower is floating around you two like a storm cloud
you hold him tight, and pull him closer, flush to your own body
and minghao’s arms come to embrace you back, to cling to the fabric of your shirt as he speaks into your neck
“i can see that you dont look at me with the same eyes - your eyes used to glow like stars, they used to be warm. and now,,,,they just see past me-”
he doesnt cry, but his voice fluctuates like he’s in constant waves of pain
“hao, im afraid. im afraid of what you’ve become. you sleep around with anyone, then rub it in my face. you yell and threaten and cause destruction - how could i continue to love you,,,”
you say, but your hand travels up into his hair, combing it down - letting it soothingly run over the parts where it’s now sticking out, jagged
“i never sleep with them.”
you take a sharp inhale and your fingers stop
“wh-what?”
“i never sleep with them. ive never even gone beyond kissing. there are intimacies that im going to save for you, even if you never wish to ,,,,, see me the same way”
the sentiment and gentleness of his voice is a sound you havent heard for so long
that you almost forget that this is how he really sounds, how he sounded when you were young
both on the verge of your careers - both so close to being together that you could taste it on your lips
but never having the courage to move it forward
had he been harboring the same avid feelings for you too?
there’s a moment of silence until minghao’s pulls back
the water is up to your waists now that you’re on the floor - you’re surprised it hasnt leaked and that someone from the hotel hasnt come running in
but he looks at you, lips trembling
“do you believe me?”
“hao”
you reach and touch his face, he leans into it - to the warmth and familiarity
to the loyatly and the love
“hao, i love you. i love you so much that im sure someone might call it an addiction.”
he finally lets a smile pull up at his lips
“but this has to stop. you can’t wallow in your anguish and take it out on everyone else. something inside you is hurting, maybe im the cause - or the job is the cause. whatever it is, you - we need to stop it. because i cant watch the man i love turn into the man i loathe.”
minghao reaches up, puts his large hand over yours and leans forward
his lips hesitate just a centimeter from yours
“may i?”
he asks, drawn out and slightly foggy in the tiny little bathroom
“do anything you want”
your voice whispers back
and in a kiss that is full of such intense compulsion, years of harbored and hidden feelings, you fall over
with minghao’s body ontop of yours, your faces still connected in passion submerged under the overflowing water
till the door is kicked open and a horrified maid asks if you two are out of your damn minds
you spend the night with minghao, the emails and your phone abandoned in your room
as you lay beside him and watch the mask he’s had on slowly fall away
as he tells you how hard it’s been
how the medication isn’t working
how he’s begun to hate himself for this fake attitude
you caress his cheek, bring him close, tell him that if he needs a break he can take one
you’ll personally cancel every interview, shoot, and deal if need be
but minghao asks against your lips
if you’re sick of it too, the people - the press - the hours - the constant need to be moving and making money
you say you are
but that it was worth it, to be beside him. even at his worse.
in the morning light of the next day you examine the damage done to his hair, comb it down and let him slip on a cap to hide any split ends
and when you emerge
to an angry, confused manager who wants to know what is going on
minghao laces his hand with yours
“tell everyone that they have to wait. i have lost time to makeup with the person i love.”
you flush at the romantic words, but also remind the manager that the schedule has to be cleared or that the company will get angry
he asks you to do it - you’re the personal assistant
but minghao holds you close
“not anymore. i quit”
you announce and the manager nearly falls over
“so if im not an assistant, what should i do now?”
minghao kisses your temple
“just be mine. we���ll figure it out together. and plus, i kind of have a plan. ive had since i was a kid.”
you walk outside, people stop in the streets
people whisper and ask, “isn’t that xu minghao?”
but you both ignore them
“oh, whats this plan?”
“do you remember ,,,, my promise to marry you?”
#so lets get one thing out of the way: i wrote this to hurt myself and then make myself happy#so its selfindulgent but also i got to write my breakdown scene and im#not sure how you all will like it#seventeen scenarios#seventeen imagines#seventeen au#minghao imagines#minghao scenarios#minghao au#the8 scenarios#the8 imagines#the8 au#member: the8#model!au#17 imagines#17 scenarios#17 au#xu minghao
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