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baronessblixen · 11 months

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When It Rains

Year of the OTP June! The prompts I used are: sick fic – accidental love confession – downpour

Set in season 6, fluff with a hint of Diana angst. And a sick Mulder. Wc: 1,552

Tagging @today-in-fic

Dressed in an old t-shirt and sweatpants that are just the tiniest bit too big on her small frame, she elbows open her apartment door, a basket full of dirty laundry in her arms. In her hallway, she almost crashes into a soaking wet, swaying figure. Just as she’s about to berate him for loitering in front of her apartment, she realizes who exactly it is.

“Mulder?” she asks, setting down her basket.

“Oh hey,” he says as if surprised to see her here. In her hallway. In front of her apartment.

“You’re soaking wet,” she says, watching the puddle by his feet increase. He’s going to ruin the carpet. But there are more important things to focus on. “What happened to you?” Instead of an answer, he just sighs and shrugs. Looking more closely at him, she notices that his pupils are shot. Drunk. He has to be drunk. Right?

“It’s raining,” he says simply.

That’s the understatement of the year. They’re currently experiencing an exceptional downpour and according to meteorologists, the rain is not going to stop until the morning. One of the many reasons Scully decided to stay home this Saturday night. She’s still getting used to having weekends to herself. With the X-Files closed, more often than not, she finds herself with free time now. At least it gives her enough time to do her laundry.

“Come inside.”

“You were on your way out,” he says.

“I was just doing laundry,” she explains, trying to help him out of his leather jacket. It’s heavy with rain. “Let’s get you into the bathroom, Mulder. Take off your shoes.”

“Hm?” He’s just standing there, still swaying.

“Your shoes,” she says patiently. “Take them off.”

“Oh,” he says, staring down at his feet. “Right.”

“Were you out drinking?” It’s none of her business, she thinks. Except he came here, to her apartment. She has a right to know. The last time this happened, she found herself on a plane to Texas, and later out of a job. She shudders, remembering everything that came after. Her memory is still spotty in places. Another apartment, another hallway, and a bee. A kiss that never was. Then there’s a lot of icy darkness in her mind. Even now, months later, the frostbites sometimes nip at her when she least expects it.

“I’m not drunk,” he says, but his words are slurred.

“It’s okay, Mulder.” She tugs on his arms to get him to the bathroom, but he’s heavy, and he’s unwilling. He’s shaking his head so hard that she fears he’s going to crash into the wall.

“Not drunk,” he repeats. “I wasn’t feeling well,” he says. “I just- there were pills in the medicine cabinet. I took them. The first didn’t do anything, so I took something else.” Her alarm bells are ringing.

“What did you take?” she asks and he just shrugs.

“I thought it was Tylenol. Wait. I think the other was Benadryl. My throat was so itchy.”

“Mulder, you don’t have any allergies.”

“They make me sleepy,” he says and yawns as if to prove his point. “I take them sometimes. You said I shouldn’t take sleeping pills.” She cracks a small smile, glad that he listened to her for once.

“That’s good, Mulder. You said your throat is itchy?” He nods and as she looks closer at him, she realizes that he does look sick, not drunk. The area around his nose is pale, while his nose itself is red. She touches his cheeks and they’re warm to her touch. So is his forehead. “When did you start feeling sick?” And why didn’t you call me, she adds mentally.

“Yesterday,” he admits. “Thought I was just tired but,” he pauses and coughs. “I didn’t want to bother you. Now I’m coughing all over you, making you sick, too.”

“Mulder, if you were feeling sick yesterday it’s very likely you already infected me anyway.”

“You’re the medical doctor,” he says with a drowsy smile. He may not be drunk, but he’s definitely not sober either.

“I am,” she says with a soft smile. “That’s why you need to listen to me. We need to get you out of these wet clothes. Where’s your umbrella?”

“Didn’t bring one,” he says, letting Scully lead him toward the bathroom. “Wasn’t raining when I left. It started when I was at Diana’s.” Her fingers were just busy unbuttoning his shirt but now pause.

“Diana.” She repeats the name slowly, every letter bile on her tongue. Mulder, clueless to her emotional turmoil, nods and goes on.

“She kept hanging up on me,” he says. "I tried calling her. I didn't want to go over there."

“It’s okay, Mulder,” Scully says, distracting herself with undressing Mulder. Despite having worn a jacket, his shirt is so wet that she has to wring it out. “You don’t owe me an explanation.” But her mind is spinning. If he was at Diana’s, why is he here now? Why did he leave? Her thoughts are so out of control that she doesn’t notice Mulder tug at her t-shirt at first. He’s shirtless himself and his jeans are already unbuttoned. She’d prefer if he took his pants off himself, but he seems preoccupied with what’s happening in his head.

“I went to her apartment,” he says and Scully wishes she could just cover her ears and not hear what he has to say. No matter how childish that instinct may be. “I wanted her to listen to me. You always listen to me, Scully.” He says, touching her cheek. His skin is warm against hers and she has to stop herself from leaning into his touch.

“What did you want to tell her?” Scully asks in spite of herself.

“That she needs to stop. That she needs to listen. I’ve been trying to tell her, to explain it to her. About you.”

“About me?” Again, he nods. He breaks into a smile and she’s overwhelmed by the instinct to pinch his rosy cheeks. His hair, drying already, is sticking in every direction imaginable, making him look cuter than he should be.

“She doesn’t listen,” he repeats. “I keep trying to tell her that I- she wants things that I don’t want.” Her roaring heartbeat almost drowns out his voice.

“I went to her apartment to tell her that I love- that I love you.” Her eyes grow wide at his confession. He’s staring at her, calm as ever. “Can you believe she hung up on me?” She's not sure he realizes what he just admitted. What he confessed to her. He loves her. This isn’t the first time he’s saying it, of course. The last time wasn’t long ago. It was right after they saved him from the Bermuda Triangle. He’d been high on painkillers then, too. But she can’t deny that he’s said it twice now in about as many months.

“She said I was nuts.” He’s grinning from ear to ear now. As if Diana calling him crazy for loving Scully was the greatest compliment he could imagine. “Nothing I haven’t heard before. I stood my ground, Scully. Said I love you. Did you know that? I didn't mean to blurt it out just now, but... I love you. I needed Diana to know it, too. I needed her to understand it. You know what happened next?” She shakes her head gently, unsure whether she wants to know what he’s going to say next.

“She threw me out. Asked her for an umbrella and she slammed the door in my face.”

“I’m sorry, Mulder.”

“Is this what you always wear on weekends, Scully?” He touches the hem of her shirt and she blushes.

“Sometimes,” she says. “It’s my laundry outfit.”

“I like it. I like it a lot.”

“I think you’re delirious.”

“I think you might be right,” he admits, coughing again.

“Can you take off your jeans or do you need help?”

“I wouldn’t mind help,” he says with a grin, “but I can do it myself.”

“I’m going to get you something dry to wear,” she says, squeezing his shoulder. She uses the moment away from Mulder to take a deep breath and sort her thoughts. Tonight, she won’t contemplate what any of this means. But she knows she’ll have to hide a grin the next time she sees Diana Fowley.

When she returns to the bathroom, Mulder is naked. She averts her eyes, even though he doesn’t seem to mind. He helps her into the sweatpants and the t-shirt. When they’re done and Mulder is dressed, he smiles at her warmly.

“We're matching," he says proudly. He's right, too. "You’re not going to throw me out, are you?” he asks.

“If I did, I’d give you an umbrella.”

“Thank you, Scully.” His grin is accompanied by another cough, reminding her that it's very likely he'll feel worse in a couple of hours. She'll be there for him it that's the case. Just like she hopes he will be there for her when she catches whatever is ailing him.

He’s asleep almost as soon as his head hits the pillow. She watches him for a moment before she presses a kiss to his forehead. I love you, too, she thinks but doesn’t dare say. Not yet, anyway.

#almost gave up on this #but like i managed six months of this #i can do another six #i wanted to write angst #who am i even kidding #msr #xf fanfic #my writing #my fic

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flyingfish1 · 1 year

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I don’t think Dean HAS been looking for Cas. YET.

I think what he’s actually been doing is – and I say this with all the love and hope in my Deangirl, destiel-otp heart – fleeing in the opposite direction.

Because –

Mary: I don’t regret what happened [when we were closed into a room with only one exit, with an antagonist pounding on the door, trying to get in and kill us, and romantic feelings were expressed]. But with everything going on […] I – I’m not sure what I’m ready for. So, I – I just need time. -1x08

Lata: You know, I just – I can’t believe you haven’t been in touch with Anton. -1x09

Mary: Um, can I ask you something? About you and Tony’s dad Ali [an interspecies romantic relationship]? Ada: What would you like to know? Mary: Well, going into it, you both knew you were from different worlds. Ada: Mmm-hmm. Mary: But you went for it anyway. If you had the chance to do it over again, would you? Ada: I followed my heart. I don’t think that’s ever a mistake. Mary: Even if you’re scared? -1x05

Carlos: Listen, um – I’m, I’m sorry I never called you after our date. Anton: Don’t tell me the big, bad hunter got scared. Carlos [smiling]: Maybe! [Pause] Carlos [serious this time]: Yeah. -1x09

But it’s okay. It’s okay, because –

Ada: I followed my heart. I don’t think that’s ever a mistake. Mary: Even if you’re scared? Ada: Especially then. It’s just part of falling in love. -1x05

Mary: It’s okay to be scared. In fact, it’s good to be scared. [She glances at John.] You can’t be brave if you’re never scared. -1x05

Carlos: But, um. I’m not afraid to ask you on a second date tonight. -1x09

[Mary walks up to John and kisses him] John: What – I – I don’t understand. Mary: I don’t want to think about the Akrida. Or whether the world has a future. I want to be with you. Right here. Right now. -1x08

Mary: Listen, before you go, I have to tell you something. John: Tell me when you see me again. -1x13

Ahh, classic supernatural destiel narrative parallels, where would we ever be without you? seriously though, the instant that kiss happened – that “locked together in a room with only one exit, with death banging on the door, right before it gets sucked into an alternate realm” kiss – I just knew that Mary’s reaction would tell us SO MUCH about Dean’s reaction to Cas’ love declaration.

And I really think it did! but it goes so far beyond just that one scene. so many of Carlos’s reactions to Anton, and so many of Mary’s other reactions to John, are SO telling as well.

And I think, looking at the narrative parallels, it’s all laid out clearly:

Dean’s been scared. He doesn’t regret what happened – he’s glad that Cas said what he said – but he hasn’t known how to handle it. Of course, in the immediate aftermath, Cas was gone, and there was no relationship to handle – but after learning that Cas, it seems, is out of the Empty, Dean was confronted with the certainty of coming face-to-face with him again and having to deal with the consequences. Things that may have been distant thoughts were now extremely concrete possibilities. And it was overwhelming.

He needed to take some time to process his feelings and to figure out what he was ready for. The idea of following his heart to where his heart wanted him to go – the idea of a relationship – scared him. Maybe also the intensity of his feelings scared him. And Cas is an angel, and that element of the relationship – the two of them being from such different worlds – was intimidating too. What if something goes wrong? What if he messes it up somehow? This is Cas. This is important. So Dean avoided Cas for a while, and then he stumbled onto the Akrida threat, and it was just too much for him to deal with all at once.

But he’s looking for Cas now. Maybe he’s still scared, but he’s trying to be brave. He’s going to follow his heart. He has to tell Cas something.

#spn #spnwin #spnwin spoilers #spnwin 1x13 #but also all the rest of it #destiel #Dean Winchester #parallels #my thoughts #and where it will all go I do not know but *gestures* yes

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taintedevesayori · 4 months

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Prompt 22: Breathless

~ Diabolik OTP Challenge by @yuriko-mukami ~

“So annoying…” Sayo muttered, trying to gather all of her hair in her hands.

There was so much of it that it wasn’t working out. Every time she thought she had it all, multiple pieces would fall again.

“I swear I’m gonna chop it off…”

“Hmm~? But I think your hair is pretty.”

She glanced back to see Kou standing in her doorway. Apparently she had been so focused that she didn’t notice the door open. Who knew how long he had been watching.

“I can’t say I hate it but having it so long can get in the way,” she sighed, letting her hair down. “Plus it’s hard to get all of it together so I can tie it up…”

“Want some help?”

“That would actually be great.”

“Sit down on the chair then!” He chirped, walking over to her.

She moved away from the mirror, sitting down on the chair to her desk. Kou carefully gathered up her hair in one hand. He made it seem so easy…

“Brush,” he held out his other hand, so she handed him the brush.

While she was at it, she pulled the hair tie off of her wrist, handing it to him as well. It felt strange to have someone else doing her hair. Honestly, she thought it was kind of nice.

“There!” Kou grinned once he was finished. “All done!”

He placed the brush down on her desk as she stood.

“Thanks,” she smiled. “I wasn’t getting anywhere with practice since it was bothering me so much.”

“What were you practicing?”

“A dance. Kisa thought it might be fun to add a little dance sequence to a new song. She wanted us to come up with ideas before our next practice.”

“No way! I love dancing,” he was pretty excited. “I want to see you dance. Let me help.”

He was actually pretty good at dancing, so it would be a good idea. Sure, she danced with the others when they occasionally attended the dance club instead of performing, but she never put any thought into it.

“That’s not a bad idea…It’s easy to dance when it’s just for fun but I’ve been struggling now that I need to put real thought into it.”

“That’s why you just go with the flow. I hate people ordering me around, so that’s what I do.”

“So none of your dancing is choreographed?” She was pretty surprised by that.

“Nope! Show me the basics of what you’re thinking and I’ll help from there.”

“If you say so…”

Kou had been helping her practice for over half an hour before the two decided to take a break.

“I’m disappointed…” he muttered.

Was he not having fun? It seemed like he was, but maybe she was reading into it wrong.

“Why’s that?”

“I thought I might get to teach you about sex appeal, but you’ve got plenty of it already.”

She almost choked on her water. “Sex appeal?!”

“Isn’t that pretty important when dancing? I thought you were doing it intentionally….to get me to notice,” he smirked, placing his hands on her waist.

“I was definitely not doing it on purpose,” she wanted to pull away but his grip was firm.

“That’s too bad…then why don’t I give you a little sex appeal of my own?”

“…huh?”

He enjoyed seeing her reactions to this sort of thing. She became fairly flustered when he pushed her up against the wall. What was he trying to prove?

“Come on…be serious…”

“Your face is bright red,” he chuckled. “What do you want me to do?”

One of his hands moved to her back, sliding under her shirt. His fingers trailed up along her spine, causing her to shiver. Meanwhile, he leaned his face down to her neck, tracing her collarbone with his tongue.

“Kou!” She exclaimed, completely flustered at this point.

She attempted to move away, but he moved forward, his hips pinning her lower body down.

“Go on~ Why don’t you start squirming? Doesn’t it sound fun to rub up against me?”

“It doesn’t…Come on, let me go…”

“I don’t want to…You taste too sweet…”

His lips moved down to the top of her breast, just above the top hem of her shirt. She winced as he bit down. Even if she had a high pain tolerance, such an area was uncomfortable. But…their position bothered her more than the bite. She wasn’t sure what to do.

“Mm…” he licked his marks as he pulled away.

When he glanced up at her face, a dark chuckle escaped his lips.

“You look like you’re enjoying this, Sayo~”

“No way…!” She exclaimed.

He leaned up, nipping at her ear before continuing.

“Are you sure you aren’t getting a little heated?”

“Kou, be serious…”

“I am,” he moved his face closer so that their noses brushed against one another.

Her heart felt like it was beating out of her chest. She knew she should push him away…but she couldn’t bring herself to. Kou felt like he had waited for her to reject him long enough. He closed the gap, locking his lips with hers.

This was insane. She could barely believe what was happening. One kiss was enough to encourage him. He went right back for more.

“Kou…” she managed to gasp out in between kisses. “What-?”

“Twist your tongue around mine…like this…”

He cut her off with another kiss, more heated than the last. His tongue really did enter her mouth, twirling against hers. She had no idea what to do, so she simply let him continue to take the lead.

Eventually she did push him away as she tried to catch her breath.

“You’re…insufferable…” she gasped.

“Don’t act like you didn’t like it,” he smirked.

She grumbled some choice words under her breath, but let it go as he pulled her in for more.

#diabolik lovers otp challenge #diabolik lovers oc #diabolik lovers #sayori makina #kou mukami

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rustyvanburace · 1 month

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you know I gotta suggest Navarre for the character ask! and asahi if you’re feeling up to it :^D

Thank you so much!

favorite thing about them: I love how much PIZZAZ he adds to the early game! How can I not like a character with such a flamboyant, demanding personality whose very presence is enough to make everyone react with shock, contempt, laughter, and awe? Navarre is an ass, but a necessary ass to carry the early narrative and add so much excitement to it. I cannot help but giggle to myself everytime he appears. AND THEN, all that character growth in IVA towards becoming a better, more self-aware ghostie. Ohhh I love he so muuuch~

least favorite thing about them: Definitely the unnecessary perversion in IVA. Enough said.

favorite line: The "dawdling Casualries" line will always hold a special place in my heart, but I am also really fond of the stuff he says when you speak with him during the training drills in one of the rest spots,

"O-Oh, it's you… I thought you to be a demon. Don't start me so… I've never carried a blade any heavier than a knife before. If Mother were to see me dashing about with such a weapon in hand, I think that she would faint…"

And

"I landed a critical blow when I accidentally tripped… The next quest was much simpler, since as you might expect, money is no object to me. 'Twas actually easier than the first. But the final challenge all depends on one's strength, and that's a field I'm particularly lacking in… S-Someone else may have first place, I care not whom. Merely let this debacle of a training exercise be done with!"

brOTP: Nanashi and Navarre are best BROS!

Bad edit aside, can't forget the actual bros, Navarre and Gaston lmao. I really enjoyed their sibling relationship and it opened up so much insight into their familial life and personal struggles. I'm so so happy they got to rekindle at the enddd, it was so sweet

OTP: Everyone knows that I am the sole resident of the Issachar x Navarre Crack Ship Kingdom!! Idgaf that they've never canonically met nor even know of each other's existence, the POTENTIAL between them is enough to keep me content and well fed! We support random rarepairs in this house!

I also really like Flynn x Navarre too and they're my second fave Navarre ship, for much the same reasons!

nOTP: Needless to say, my NOtps would be pairing Navarre with his brother or any of the IVA kids. Eeeugh. Enough said.

random headcanon: It's something I've been wanting to analyze in more depth, and IDK how much of this is actually canon or headcanon considering, but I very much fancy the idea of Navarre always having close connections with the Samurai seniors and keeping close tabs on the Rite and new inductions. He's very astute with the going-ons in Samurai business and likely has been anxiously watching them for quite some time.

unpopular opinion: I understand that Navarre is a very unlikeable character, and he's supposed to be! But it honestly does get really bothersome seeing how much dismissal, if not outright hate, he gets in the fandom. Navarre IS an important character within the early game! It is his very antics that adds the necessary tension and tone needed to carry the early narrative and worldbuilding. It does admittedly make it hard for me to approach other SMTIV fans because I like this bean so much.

But that is okay. I am perfectly content with those who seek out, stick by, and enjoy my bean musings. :)

song i associate with them: Tbh I'm pretty bad at that sort of question, lol. I don't really have one for him right now, so pass? (Open to suggestions though! I want more tunes to listen to.)

favorite picture of them: SO MANY panels of him from the Prayers manga FOR REAL. He's SO expressive in that and has TONS of good moments!! But I am especially fond of the mini bonus chapter that features Navarre~

Masataka Miura can agree: Navarre can have a little moment in the spotlight as a treat~

Thank you again so much for the ask! I think I've written quite at length here, lmao. I'm a bit tired now and I don't think I can fit Asahi here, but I could post hers later on!

#thank you again so muuuch!!!#shin megami tensei iv #smt4 #navarre #rusty answers

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rpedia · 2 months

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Anonymous asked: Idk, why. But every time I rp as a guy I sometimes feel uncomfortable or just bored. Especially when it comes to canon characters, I feel like I'm just satisfying my parthers otp/ships with their oc's. And when I try to bring in my others oc's, they're ignored. This happens almost every time with any other person. Do you have any advice?

Usually there’s a reason for stuff like this, so lemme jump to the biggest most extreme conclusion and get that outta the way. If you’re uncomfortable exclusively by the act of playing a gender, or thinking like a gender, and acting like a gender, and feel like you’re just playing a role with no connection to specifically a gender and nothing else... Maybe you don’t want to play/be/act as that gender? I mean, it could be anything setting you off, but this is important to point out, especially with your wording, subconscious though it may be. You don’t have to RP as a guy. It’s okay. Be anything you want, that’s what RP is for. To have fun, and be comfortable, and do what feels good to you. There’s no shame in just saying no to RPing anything. Settings, characters, genders, themes, tropes, even just roleplaying if you’re not in the mood! Roleplay is, again, for fun, and you should probably communicate that you’re no longer having it. That you want to explore other options. I mean this could be as simple as you don’t have chemistry with those partners, to as complex as realizing you may not have a real connection to a specific gender... even IRL.

Like, I’m not gonna lie, I have seen a large number of people who have realized they identify as something else because they’ve played other genders, tried out the ol’ mental space with RP, and found something that fit them better. Might not be applicable to you, that’s fine. This is a deeply personal decision though, I’m just pointing it out as an aside because some people need that little push to go ‘oh’ and this answer is going to be an open letter to everyone who is in this situation as usual. So hey, it doesn’t have to be too serious, and if questioning your labels isn’t your speed, no issue. Just thought it was wise to point it out, rather than ignore it and pretend it didn’t set off a tiny alarm in my head saying ‘hang on a sec’. So yes, with that out of the way— Of course that’s not the only reason things might feel ‘off’! Like I mention above, there’s plenty of other things, so now that we have a quick ‘I’d be a jerk if I didn’t say this does happen’ out of the way, let’s explore things like chemistry, and why your characters don’t resonate with you personally, but end up seeming to be more for your partner in crime over there. AKA: Playing for other people, and why it doesn’t really work out.

So when you RP a character and they don’t sync with you personally? That’s a big thing buddy! That’s a sign you’re not playing what you love or vibe with. That doesn’t seem like something you should get upset about, we all do stuff that we feel pretty neutral or vaguely bored by for friends and family, but it really really can be draining over time. Playing something deeply out of your personal experience is a fun challenge, but I would never say do that for a long term if you’re not getting comfortable as you do it. You can burn yourself out, by pushing too hard and making so much work for yourself you lose the thread of fun supposedly throughout all RP.

Me? I have trouble with happy, perky characters. I can do it, and I do it well judging by the reaction of people around me, but it just doesn’t feel right. It feels like someone is very slowly spreading me thinner and thinner trying to react against my natural instincts. I know it’s actually another problem that some people feel like they play too many similar characters, but that’s a natural inclination to play something that suits you, so you can give your full attention to the details surrounding that character instead of questioning everything you do.

Being able to act on auto pilot helps a ton when you want to focus on the important parts, like the plot instead of figuring out how this character would feel if it’s not what you kneejerk understand. Second guessing is hard! As anyone who deals with second guessing everything they do all day: it leads to exhaustion because it’s an extra hidden layer of emotional labor.

So! Why are dudes uncomfortable for you? We’ve got an obvious problem here that an external force (your RP buddies over there) may have trained you to believe that you only have one purpose. That male characters are romance fodder, and have to fall in love with an OC. That your OC’s aren’t important. That’s gonna be a whoooole different problem right there. This is a problem with your RP partner, who is using you to fulfill their happiness. There’s a huge problem with the power dynamic in this OOC relationship, just going by this little snippet.

Your partner should never make you feel like you’re only roleplaying for their sake.

I’m leaving that line all alone so you can really look at it, and reread it. I’m going to say it again in fact: Your partner should never make you feel like you’re only roleplaying for their sake. There’s various reasons why that’s icky, but I’ll just touch on what stands out to me most. One of those things is that this makes roleplaying a job.

Instead of letting yourself explore the mind of a character you enjoy, you’ve come to expect that you will follow a certain order of things, and that your job is to fill the emotional labor required of your partner to keep them happy. They respond to you requesting similar emotional labor (which in a healthy relationship should be give-and-take) by ignoring you. This is painful for you, maybe not like getting pinched, but feeling like what you’ve made isn’t good enough? That you’re not good enough by extension because our RP kids are totally extensions of ourselves? That’s unfair. Unfair to you.

However! Even if something seems to be a pattern, like not playing dudes, it’s always good to test run characters from all walks of life. Any character couldn’t be the exception to or that your mood could change. That means, don’t feel guilty if you’ve said “this label doesn’t feel right” for a while, and then you have an exception. It just means it’s an exception, you’re fine. You’re not breaking your own rules, you’re learning more about what works with you.

Finding yourself at a loss with OC’s or characters you enjoy may point to your environment being one that’s hostile to new things. They don’t understand an OC, there’s no blueprint giving them an idea of what to expect. OC’s are also one of the easiest ways for players to get into the game, which means newbies who lack social graces tend to gravitate towards them because ‘there’s no rules to break’ in how they portray them. Unfortunately since they don’t know how to approach others in socially appropriate ways, this gives OC’s a reputation for being awful to play with. They break etiquette, they push too hard, they don’t get why someone may be backing away. This isn’t the OC’s fault, it’s the player, but it’s seen more in OC’s because of ease-of-entry. So... they gain a reputation.

That means approaching on an OC is definitely going to come with people looking for standard red flags, and they’ll need to see you in action long enough to get comfortable with you! You have to be stellar in everything to get attention, and you have to have a hook. Your character has to be stand-out, interesting, and fun. Something people get grabbed by the summary of, so they can emotionally attach to it the same way they did major series, which give a character time to come out of their shell, and audiences time to connect to them. That’s why canons are popular: They bought the time it took to get under people’s skin by having a plot to follow. Without that, OC’s are like hearing about a character from another fandom you’re not interested in.

There’s also, unfortunately, an online beef against the ladies in plot. I’m not gonna sugar coat it, people have gotten it into their heads that girls being roleplayed tend to be shallow, vapid characters designed just for romance. So it can be hard to egt people interested because of stereotypes. The worst part is, I see this stereotype most often from male writers playing women, who have no idea hoiw to treat them as a person, and have instead made them a cardboard cut out designed to reach their goals. This is even worse on adult websites where smut is an option, ladies get the short stick SO often because of years where female characters have been treated as a plot device.

This goes way back to the idea of a sexy lamp: If your female character can be replaced with a sexy lamp, they aren’t expanded enough on. They aren’t a person. Some of the strongest female characters have been, say, Ripley from Alien. Why? She was a male character in the script, they just didn’t change anything but her gender and rolled with it. Which, duh, worked because women is people. A wild concept for some reason. Can you tell this is something that gets my goat, because baaaa, motherfucker, baaaa.

That means you end up working against a lot of shit to just try and play around and have fun. It can be exhausting, and more than once I’ve seen people give up. Don’t, though. People need to hear your voice. If you’re in a position where things are hard, remember. Trying the same things over and over expecting it to change is just silly. You need to change parts of your approach, whether it be the environment, the people, or simply how you word things. Push back on what’s making you feel bad, and put down boundaries. “If I do this, I would appreciate if you gave back with this.” Ask for space, you deserve space to explore what makes you happy. Say no more often to things you’re not comfortable with. You don’t have any obligation to fit a mold for another person.

Find your comfort zone, and defend it. If that means moving onto a new group of people, or just doing something extraordinary with what you have, or finding a new way to approach stuff, then maybe that’s what you need to do! Spread your wings, and find what makes you happy. Don’t look for advice on how to tamp yourself down into what you feel like you should be doing, if it’s not right for you. Good luck, and Happy RPing!

#RPedia #roleplay #roleplay help #roleplaying tips #rph #anonymous #Ask Rpedia #gender dysphoria #misogyny #OC hate #Big topics for a little question #I know #Especially when the advice boils down to #don't do thing if hurt #do other thing #with new people if needed

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aihoshiino · 3 months

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I’m curious as to what your opinions are on the ships in ONK. I’m guessing you’re not an Aquaruby fan (neither am I) but what do you think of Aquakana? Or any other ships in ONK! Personally my favorite is Ai x Happiness :)

AI X HAPPINESS IS THE ONLY OSHI NO OTP THAT MATTERS YOU'RE SOOOO RIGHT ANON

Out of the "official" OnK ships tho, you're right in that I don't really care for AquRuby, at least as presented in the text. It was never going to be a ship I was on board with since I'm just too exhausted with anime being the way it is about sibling incest to even pretend to take it seriously but the manga itself also seems to have the same attitude. Since 123, Ruby's feelings for Aqua have mainly been treated as a joke that relies on having Ruby act out a caricature of an archetype that was ALREADY shallow and dated in the 2010s lmao. I think Ruby -> Aqua would at least be interesting to read about if the story was actually willing to take her seriously and properly examine her feelings in a way that feels consistent with her character and to actually dig into the reality of a person developing incestuous feelings in a society that condemns incest rather than using her as a gag prop. I care less about it being incest and more about it being badly written incest basically LOL

AquAka I think it's interesting on paper and there's a lot of elements to it I think are really neat to chew on in discussions and character analysis but as a ship, it doesn't really work for me in execution. Part of it is that I don't really like how Aka handled most of Akane's stuff post TB and most of it is just that the majority of their "real" relationship happens like... offscreen, in a time skip? So there was no real time to get attached to their dynamic as a real couple and I'm the kind of person who mostly gets invested in ships based on the strength of their moment to moment banter and rapport. AquAka have a lot of big, dramatic moments but I didn't feel like they quite had the necessary downtime rapport to serve as the connecting tissue that would've made it land.

It also doesn't help that I feel like, a lot of what *I* think is interesting about AquAka is really not what the fandom sees in it LOL So it's really hard to discuss the elements I like without people getting Genuinely Angry At Me for daring to say the relationship is unhealthy or that both Aqua AND Akane completely fucked up and that's why it didn't pan out. That conflict and tension and the simmering undercurrent of codependence and toxicity that both of them unintentionally brought to the relationship is sooooooo fascinating but I feel like so many people actively talking about AquAka just kind of ignore that and treat it as an entirely wholesome, uncomplicatedly good relationship and Akane as completely flawless within its context. I think that's both unfair to Akane and kind of boring but I've also really drifted away from the question here, huh...

Anyway! AquKana is the 'canon' OnK ship I like the most by far! I wouldn't say I'm like Actively Shipping It in the sense that I go out of my way to seek out fanworks about it, but I think they're cute together and I like them, especially in the anime - I've said before it was the adaptation that made me actively a fan of Kana and that goes for AquKana, too. Like I said up there, a couple's moment to moment banter and dynamic is really important to me and that's a big part of the AquKana appeal to me. I really like the way they bounce off each other and I particularly enjoy the way Kana encourages Aqua to be a better version of himself - not necessarily in an "I can fix him" way but in that his friendship with Kana encourages him to be better out of respect and fondness for her. Kana serves as a sort of window into life as a normal boy for Aqua, with no revenge or ulterior motives, and in that space a lot of Aqua's worst traits that are exacerbated by trauma get softened and filtered through a kinder lens. I also really love the ways Aqua's support helps to uplift and encourage Kana to do her best - she was such a lonely person for so long, seeing the way she glows once she has someone to shine for is so sweet.

I definitely don't feel as strongly about it now as I did coming right off the anime because it's been pretty out of focus for a while... Honestly, come to think of it, I think that's part of why AquAka didn't really hook me at all. It's hard to get invested in something that's making a character you already liked more feel so bad LOL

Circling back to Ai, though... Ougghh it really does kill me there's no straightforwardly lovey dovey ships for her in OnK. I'm a lifeform that draws sustenance from seeing my faves getting loved and doted on, especially when they're someone as starved for love as Ai... don't get me wrong, I love KamiAi and AiNino because yandere love is pure love but sometimes I just want to see nice things happen to her...!!!

Anyway this is the part where I pull out my License To Be Cringe And Free and admit that I do have a whole bunch of crosscanon OTPs for Ai that I've written with friends LOL Honestly I do feel very spoiled with how many I've gotten to write and how good they've been... I've even commissioned some art here and there. So if you're ever on an internet walk and stumble across a piece of art that makes you go "hold on, why is Ai holding hands with Rinne Amagi from EnStars" or something, you have this bitch to thank!!!

#oshi no ko #oshi no posting #onk asks #onk spoilers

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chanstopher · 1 year

Photo

Dear friends, just a note to say... dress warmly, eat well, stay safe and sound, keep smiling, I’m always there for you.

2022 was a really great year for me on here, I’ve made more friends than i ever could have expected, and had so many wonderful interactions with people in my askbox and beyond. Stray kids have brought me so much joy, only amplified by the kindness I have received from all of you. I am so grateful for all you have given me, especially the love and support you have shared. I feel so privileged to be a part of such a kind, safe, space. I love creating for stray kids, and especially for chris, it brings me so much peace and joy in my life and I’m thankful to everyone here for giving me the opportunity to be absolutely insane over him.

@lonelystreetlight the loml (behind chris and jeongin and minho and jisung and cha- you know where you stand) my bestest friend my otp to age our friendship 😌 i love you and i miss you so much you’ve helped me more than anyone could ever understand and i’m forever trying to draw enough jisungs to repay that 🍕

@brianbangs amazing how we proved science wrong by being actual twins while never having met 🤔 truly immaculate of us. thank you for being the most unhinged person in the world with me about that one guy we’re both disgusted by. and for being the sunshine and rainbows to my lil storm cloud of a being. i know our friendship is still so young (how have we not known each other for decades?) it’s so important and special to me. i love you very much the ashley to my mary kate

@quokki oh my wife i love you so much. you are so talented and fun and amazing. i love getting to watch your art style evolve into the super cool style it’s become. i get to look at that immaculate chris every day and be so floored that you made it just for me 🥺 thank you for being my friend, it really means the world to me

@nevoono god you are so special to me nev, i am so happy you live in safe my little phone making the cutest and funniest art in the world. and that you’re constantly giving me these perfect icons and thinking of me 🥹 i love you so so much you’re the sweetest person ever i’m so happy you’ll always be my first stayblr friend 🖤

@decembermoonskz oh izzy my angel i love you so much, you’ve truly made my entire stayblr experience a million times better, i love talking to you and hearing about how you’re doing and i’m always here keeping you in my thoughts and hoping the world is treating you like the ball of sunshine you are to me and everyone lucky enough to know you

@ the stayblr discord there are a million of you i cannot be bothered to try and tag everyone, but thank you for all the amazing love and support this year, literally could not have gotten through it without you. i love you and i promise i’ll try to be more active 😔

@ my anons my sweet little garden of anons that come to visit me i appreciate you so much, i feel so lucky to have each one of you coming to spend time with me, to share things with me! you’re all so very special to me

and last but not least to all my mutuals and followers, you mean the world to me, i would be nothing without all the support i get in the tags you give me. there are so many ppl on here that i’m too shy to talk to but i adore i wish i could befriend each one of you like you deserve. thank you for being here and loving chris and skz with me 🥹🖤🤍

Signed

Dreamy

ps if you get the reference from the beginning im kissing you on the forehead hehe

#drm.pst #drm.txt #i love you all so much <3

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biscuitbakerbecca · 4 months

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Jared Kleinman for the character asks :)

Favorite Thing About Them

Jared is so bad at communicating he reminds me a lot of myself. I have ODD so it’s a little different, but the man is an asshole in the best way possible. He is petty and gives off angry cat energy in both fandom aspects and canon. Also I appreciate that he never acted against Evan even when he had the opportunity and reason to do so, he threatened it but he kept his mouth shut. Real friend right there <3 (I could tell everyone everything! Okay great! You go ahead! Do that! Tell everyone how you helped write emails pretending to be a kid who killed himself! Fuck you Evan!)

Least Favorite Thing About Them

He doesn’t have enough screen time/show time. People mischaracterize him because his entire character is shoved into as little time as possible. I know I just said that I love how he’s an asshole but he’s more than an asshole. He’s so clearly lonely and more than just an angry kid. At least in the book they made him “hot” in the end but the show and movie pretty much get rid of him come act two

Favorite Line

Kinky!

Just kidding

Asshole!

Okay okay for real this time

Yeah I hate to tell you this Evan, but you may have already perjured yourself.

Isn’t that only when you’re under oath? Like in a courtroom?

Well weren’t you under oath? In a way?

No.

Or from the movie (since I view them as different canons)

Connor took a letter from me. It was an assignment for my therapist.

Ew.

(I’d offer a different line but Jared doesn’t have that many)

BROTP

Jared and Zoe friendship!!! They hate each other they’re best friends they get drunk and cry together!!

Another excerpt of my own writing that explains this. Again my writing quality has gone up since this but oh well:

Connor rolled his eyes, "I'm saying that Evan will always be there, okay? You are so fucking stubborn, and I'm trying to be nice and make you feel better, just say thank you like a decent human being."

"You just made me feel shitty."

Connor threw his hands up, "Fuck! You're impossible!"

Zoe's voice screeched from below, "FUCK OFF! HE IS MY BEST FRIEND!"

— I don’t know what I want, but I need you. Chapter 12

OTP

Either kleinsen or kleinphy. They both have potential. All my kleinsen fics are really fluffy (soulmates, hurt/comfort, etc) and my kleinphy fics are like…rough and angsty (teen parenthood, child abuse, etc) I like both equally, but what I want to read depends on the content I’m looking for as shown by my own writing style

NOTP

Nothing icky like the parents being involved obviously, otherwise Jared/Zoe fics just don’t feel right. Jared is gay. Like he has to be. The book tried telling me he liked boobs and I know Val Emmich lied. Evan was simping at the end for a reason. Jared doesn’t even have to like Evan the man is still gay. Best part of the movie but dear god at what cost? (I did like the movie I swear)

Random Headcannon

Jared has two moms, or his mother is bisexual. I tried writing him with straight parents and every single time it feels kind of wrong

Also he has a cat. Her name is Mayonnaise. Mayo for short.

Unpopular Opinion

Idk if this is unpopular or not but I’m glad they cut Goin’ Viral. It only pushes the he’s an asshole idea and even though I love the song it wouldn’t have helped his characterization. I would have liked for them to properly record the song when they released the deluxe album but apparently Disappear Pt. 2: the duet version was more important.

Also Jared Goldsmith was my favorite Jared actor other than Will Roland. Nothing can beat the Will Roland vibes

Book Jared shouldn’t have ditched his glasses and got buff, they made him too powerful. Evan couldn’t help but fall for him. Let him stay as he is don’t make him conventionally attractive!

Song I Associate With Them

Jared is such a complicated guy. His feelings are deep. He’s cringy but free. I haven’t thought about this in a while hang on…

I imagine that Jared is a pop girlie and this gives the desperate for attention vibes that I usually associate with him

And as for his inherently cringey vibes that I usually give him…

I’m not sorry

Favorite Picture Of Them

Again, we have options…

#dear evan hansen #deh #asks answered #Jared Kleinman

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allylikethecat · 4 months

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January OTP Prompts

The second to last one! Here we go! The home stretch! This was another one I almost forgot about / lacked all motivation to finish once I remembered it was a thing. I was too excited about the new You Know Where the City Is chapter.... BUT here it is!

30. Catching snowflakes on tongue

“Anyway, that’s why I think it’s important that we—” George paused, breaking off sharply, slowing his step, mumbling an apology to a businesswoman who bumped into him, not expecting his sudden change of gait to disrupt the flow of sidewalk traffic. He looked to his left and frowned when he realized that Matty was no longer keeping pace at his side. His frown deepened and he turned back to see Matty stopped a few yards away, his head tilted back and his tongue sticking out.

“Um, Matthew,” George said slowly, cautiously, wondering if Matty had suffered the psychotic break he always joked about. “Em, what are you doing?” The joke was never funny, and George was worried it was about to become even less funny.

“Catching snowflakes on my tongue,” Matty said as if that explained absolutely everything. People glaring as they had to change their trajectory to move around him. George frowned. It explained nothing. He hadn’t even realized it had started snowing until Matty mentioned it. But it was, fluffy flurries falling from the sky, landing on Matty’s tongue, glittering like diamonds as they landed in his dark gray streaked curls.

“Em, why?” George asked, retracing his steps to stand in front of Matty again, he could see the cloud of his breath as he panted, letting the snowflakes fall and instantly melt as they landed on his pink tongue. The center of his tongue was stained blue from the blue raspberry lollipop he had been sucking on earlier, trying to feed his oral fixation as he tried to cut down on smoking with varying results.

“Because it’s fun,” Matty said, returning his tongue to his mouth to look at George with bright eyes. George was suddenly overcome with such a strong wave of fondness, such a strong feeling of love that he couldn’t help but step into Matty’s space, pulling him into his arms and pressing their lips together, Matty’s lips and tongue were cold from the snow against his own warm ones.

“What was that for?” Matty asked when George pulled away, sounding slightly dazed as he looked upon George with the same love that George felt, deep in his chest and tingling in his frozen toes.

“I love you,” George said as an explanation. “I love you so fucking much and I’m grateful everyday that we get to go through this life together.”

“Aw,” said Matty, his eyes glittering, a smirk curling the corners of his lips. He patted George’s cheek. “I love you too babe,” he paused, “anything in particular that brought this on? Anything you need to tell me...” Matty trailed off, suddenly looking concerned.

George snorted, “you’re just really fucking cute,” George elaborated, “and I really fucking love you.”

“Well,” said Matty, letting his hand drop from George’s face so they could intertwine their fingers. “It’s a good thing I love you then isn’t it?”

He paused, hesitating, his wicked grin coming back, “even though you forgot to empty the dishwasher this morning.”

Day: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 | 20 | 21 | 22 | 23 | 24 | 25 | 26 | 27 | 28 | 29

#allylikethecat #January OTP Prompts #Prompt Fills #Prompt Fill #Gatty #Matty Fic #fanfiction #fanfic #fanfic prompt #keep it kind #SECOND TO LAST ONE LETS GOOOO #thank you so much #for reading and the support #but i am very ready to be done with these

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letstrywritingmaybe · 10 months

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I am a fangirl first and foremost. Which means I take my role as a reader/supporter very seriously! So naturally I’m participating in @justleaveacommentfest even though ao3 is being wonky. But I’ll shall add to this post as I continue to read (perhaps reread too) and comment for all of my otps (and ships I guess since det co is a weird spot for me)

I have a habit of checking out profiles on ao3, and if a tumblr handle is mentioned I like to tag the author to give them the praise they deserve. But if you’re not cool with that, please let me know and I shall remove the tag

7/10 theme is old fics/new fics:

💛 Romanogers- Take a Time Out by brandnewsoul ( @viewparadise ) posted in 2012!

💛 You and I Walk a Fragile Line by YoureNotDoneFighting posted this year 2023! (On last kiss day!!!)

💚 RobStar- Robin versus the Christmas Shopping by Dahlia_Moon ( @maychild ) posted in 2010!

💚 Someone Important To You by FireMane15 posted this year 2023!

❤️ Duncney- Unexpected by Person posted in 2010!

❤️ Redemption’s Promise by weforgottyler posted this year 2023!

💜 Zutara- aupilaktunnguat by sunandmoongobrr technically 2005? Idk

💜 I Can See You by drakonium (drakonic) posted this year 2023! (On last kiss day!!!)

🖤🤍 Ichiruki- Alone in a Room by tokyofish posted 2004?

🖤🤍 Invisible Monsters by KeiraRyan33 posted this year 2023!

7/11 theme is < 2k words:

💛 Aftermath by angelic_violets ( @starcrossedsongs ) word count: 347

💚 Language barrier by Pachirisu_2014 word count: 773

❤️ It’s A Sign! by the_type_a ( @the-type-a ) word count: 660

💜 Momo and Appa are tired of Zutara by ILoveReadingRomance word count: 480

🖤🤍 Hero and Heroine by kleinegirl87 word count: 478

#my whole heart I’ve missed romanogers so so much like you have no idea #it’s 2023 and I still ship zutara a lot #okay I know it’s technically the 12th here now but I need to sleep so I’ll just continue later #yes I realize I haven’t mentioned all det co fics but to be fair I’ve been good about keeping up with comments for this fandom

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simon-x-billy · 6 months

Text

Simon x Billy

Year of the OTP: October

Chapter 10: Attack of the tiny flying human

Prompt: Text messaging

AN: While Billy is sleeping off his drowned sorrows in his time zone, Simon has time traveled back 6 hours, to Brooklyn. He gets to live the same 6 hours twice. That’s just how it works. So sci-fi. He has been summoned (peer pressured) back to Brooklyn by his agent for a terribly important meeting requiring a suit. That’s all he knows about it: Wear a suit. Done. He’s wearing a suit. He’s never even seen Johnny in a suit, let alone wearing one with him. It’s this morning all over again, and it’s official. Italians do coffee better. NSFW TW: Finally back to the sexytimes! But first, lots of talking and saying stuff and things. Fair warning: There’s no Clary irl, but there is a Chase. Masterlist || ao3 || start || prev || next

————/Simon/————

“Simon, I don’t like that Johnny.”

“I know, Ma.”

“He looks like a sheister, that boy. He does not have a trustworthy face. No. He does not.”

“I know, Ma.”

“Well if you know, Simon, why don’t you go find a more trustworthy-looking agent?”

“Ok, Ma. Where are the Eggos?”

“Pish. Why am I stocking Eggos when you’re not living here anymore? Go stock ‘em for yourself over at that schmancy apartment of yours.”

“Ok, Ma. You’re right.”

She’s turned her ‘you don’t have a trustworthy face’ face on me.

“What, Ma. What? Please stop giving me the stink eye. It’s scary looking and definitely unfriendly.”

“You want I should be your friend now.”

I search madly for the right answer to that question.

“You want I should go to Katz’s? Yonah Schimmel? No! Wait! Ma, I will buy you an island if you make your matzoh ball soup.”

I am a genius.

Katz’s. Yonah Schimmel is next door. Pic mine.

That should keep her busy for well over 24 hours. It takes time to boil a chicken down to nothing but golden goodness. As Grandma used to say, “It took a day to build Rome, it takes more than that to make chicken soup.”

That should keep her happy and friendly for at least as many days as the soup lasts, and then some. And it’ll give me some fat to run off. Sometimes I don’t eat enough to sate the running addiction. It is what it is.

From the kitchen I hear Ma shout “But I do like his red hair!”

————/-/————

“Simon!!!” It’s practically a screech. The next thing I know, I’ve been attacked by a tiny flying human. I don’t know if there’s such a thing as a flying hug. Kind of like a cannonball into a pool, but aimed at me and not at a pool. Whatever it is, there are limbs everywhere, long hair in my mouth, and not a fraction of an inch of her touching the ground. I figure I’ll just leave the untangling up to her, for fear of touching places it would not be good to touch. This is all on her to unravel. She slides easily to the ground outside Java Jones.

Lily. That’s who.

“Look at you! Why are you all handsome and fresh-looking?” She looks at me suspiciously. Because apparently this is suspicious. And I now worry that I’ve never been handsome and fresh before.

“Nevermind,” she immediately interrupts herself, holding me at arm’s length. “Look at you! You’re all tanned and weirdly healthy. I’m dazzled by the sun dripping off you.” She sniffs. “Why do you smell so good? Are you wearing cologne?! I’m concerned.” Her eyes narrow. “Who are you and what have you done with my sweet vampire Simon? Why are you like this and what are we doing tonight?”

All of this delivered with coquettish little grins and winks sprinkled here and there.

“Stop flirting with me, vile creature.”

She growls and mock-punches me in the arm. “What the fuck, Simon! Where have you been? Clearly somewhere sunnier than Brooklyn. And this is not a tan you get in the Hamptons.”

I can’t help it, I just can’t be mad at this compact little flying ball of limbs. The girl three years younger than I am, that I think of as my little sister, yeah, her. I can’t be mad. She’s just too excited to see me. Genuinely happy to see me. Ugh, now I’m genuinely happy to see her, too.

“So? Are you going to tell me anything? Why do you look like a golden god, sitting here in this dingy hole of the pallid and caffeine-deprived?”

“Italy.” Am I grinning? I think I might be grinning.

“Grinning like the Cheshire Cat.”

“Did you hear the part about Italy?”

“Italy?!?!” She says with overly dramatized shock

Now this one definitely went to theatre school.

I know this to be true, not only because she’s dramatic — convincingly dramatic — but also because it’s where I met her. So I know from firsthand experience that she has a finely tuned host of expressions, reactions, etc to draw from. It’s called sense-memory. Dude, we’re from NY. Theatre camp might just have been with the Actors Studio, or it might not. We might have been mini Method Actors, we might not.

And this face? This face is pure goofball, all the way. She comes by it naturally.

“No, but seriously, Italy?” she asks.

“Yeah, I’m thinking about moving there.”

Lily spews cappuccino froth everywhere.

“Hang on, I got it.” I'm instantly springing for the counter in search of a cloth. Or even a stack of mini napkins? Please? I leave Lily holding her shirt away from her skin. The cappuccino is still hot enough that her shirt is now steaming. Ow.

It’s only as we’re dealing — successfully — with the aftermath, that I finally have a moment to recall what I said, just moments before The Great Cappuccino Incident of 2015.

I’m thinking about moving there.

I didn’t even know that’s how I felt until it flew out of my mouth.

I think I want to move to Italy.

Yep, still true, even after repetition.

“You want to what?” she asks, attention fully on me and not her shirt.

“I think I’m going to move to Italy.” Hm. My mouth just made up my mind for me.

When I’ve had something fly out of my mouth in the past, my mouth has turned out to be trustworthy and wise about 90% of the time. It’s not a perfect science. But what I will say is that my mouth speaking from my gut is not as gross as it sounds. I’ve learned to trust my gut-mouth. It tells me what I don’t realize I already know. And suddenly I have complete clarity. I’m moving to Italy.

!fuckyeahmovingtoitaly!!!!sddssaasblergjkl!

“Why???” she asks. I can hear all the question marks.

“I’m feeling…………things there.”

“You’re feeling things there,” she parrots back at me. “Like what?” she asks with mirth. She’s feeling mirthy.

“Well, for one, I feel more creative than I have since the day I started flogging myself with a blinking cursor on a blank white page, entitled Book 4 pg 1.”

“Writer’s blo-“

“Don’t say it! You’ll jinx me!” Look, Jewish mysticism is alive and kicking in Brooklyn. “Quick, spit on the evil eye!” I order her. It’s the least she could do!

“Don’t worry, Si. You’ll conqu-“

“Stop jinxing me! What, are you trying to ruin my life? Seriously! Anyway, I think Italy might help with that thing we’re not allowed to say out loud, knock on wood.”

Lily is staring at me. Well, no, not staring so much as assessing. “You’re different, Si. And it’s not just the tan. Your eyes are brighter. Sparklier.”

“Ew.”

She smacks my arm.

I look at her and my insides turn to mush. “You, Lily, are a mensch.” Her eyebrows shoot up in surprise.

“What have I done to deserve your highest praise?”

“You haven’t done anything specific, and that’s part of the point. You, Lily, are a good human being. If it was just a one-time thing, I’d find a different compliment. But this is just an observation. You are a good human person.”

To my surprise, her eyes well up. “Hey, you ok?” I take her hand in mine and give it a warm squeeze. “Hey,” I squeeze again.

“Oh, nothing,” she says, rolling her eyes, but I can tell it’s not even remotely ‘nothing’ by the simple fact that she’s sniffling and her eyes look even more watery.

“Nothing’s wrong, Simon, I promise.”

“Happy tears, then? Did you get into Juilliard?”

“I wish! And anyways, I’m at Tisch.”

“Not too shabby!”

“You bet your frickin ass! There is no shab!”

“Mazel tov, Lily. Stand up and hug me,” I order her. And she does. But she’s sniffling and watery again. I have acquired a cappuccino shirt of my own. At least we’ll both smell alike, and cancel each other out.

I look at her appraisingly. (It’s her turn to be appraised.) “Something’s happened.”

She can’t stop the smile from exploding across her face. “Yes, something’s happened. But Chase made me promise that he’d be there when I told you.”

“Oh.”

Look, I know it’s a shitty thing that my monosyllabic response fell like a lead weight at her feet. But seriously, it’s Chase who needs to know what he’s walking into. Lily can either warn him or not. She’s not his babysitter nor his gatekeeper. “Keymaster,” I sigh.

The only reason I’m pissed at him is that he blew me off for a year. He wasn’t there for me. A stranger from Italy is the only person who was there for me. Not Lily. Not even Ma, who decided being jealous of her son’s vacation was top of mind, rather than her son’s mental and emotional state. The more book sales you have, the less support from humans you need? Is that the logic?

Poor little rich boy. Broken by privilege. Ok, the self-loathing has started, and at this moment, it’s not all about me. It’s supposed to be about some big surprise and I need to respect that.

“Where is that melonfucker anyway?” I raise my voice a little louder, as a poetry slam has just begun. At least it’s not as bad as the one in the book.

“Melonfucker?” The way she says it, I can’t tell if she thinks I’m funny or a loser. You’d think those two expressions couldn’t mate on one face.

I probably could have worded that a little better. Anyways, “Don’t ask. It’s a thing now. Soon everyone will be saying it.”

“I like it. Better than motherfucker. I don’t want to think about fuckers of mothers,” she says with a squicked-out expression.

“But fucking melons is ok,” I laugh.

“Fuck melons, not mothers! T-shirt? Mug?” she suggests.

“I fucked melons way before melonfucking was a thing,” I declare.

“You did what now?” It’s that voice with that pretentious accent that I’ve known since we were 10. He moved here from London. Posh London, apparently, cuz I guess that’s a thing that exists. It wasn’t til he met me that he started not-hating living anywhere else. And not only was this not London, it was America of all places. Insults and injuries and all that.

I thought he was cool. He thought I was a dork. But a friendly dork.

I first laid eyes on him as he wrestled with the door of his locker, just a few down from mine. Then he showed up in my English class, and everybody laughed when he pointed out that English class should really be about learning to be English.

It’s a miracle and a mystery why the student body chose to think that was funny. If it’d been me pulling that gag, I’d have been bullied mercilessly. But not Chase. He has something in him that has always drawn people in. I’ve never been able to put my finger on it.

He discovered that I’m the bomb later that day in the lunchroom. (‘Hi, I’m Simon and you will shortly discover that I am the bomb, deal with it.’ That’s how my brain has chosen to remember it.)

I’d been behind him in the lunch line, and watched with fascination as every single thing about the situation confused him. He was bewildered from beginning to end. Only to be spat out the other side into a busy lunchroom social scene. The moment of destiny, when the new kid stands there holding his tray, blinking at the reality of not knowing a single person in an already well established social hierarchy he knew nothing about.

This was it. Do or die time. It’ll make or break a kid.

And this was where I got awesome.

I walked up and stood there next to him, both of us looking out at the room. It was just as he was about to ask what I was doing that I said, “Sit with me.” And then walked up the center aisle without checking to see if he’d followed. Because even at 10 I was painfully cool. I stopped at the usual table, next to the usual cast of characters, and asked Kevin to scooch down so both of us would fit.

Chase had, indeed, followed. So he sat down. I think I said something like, “Hey everybody this is…” and let him fill in the blank. “This is Chase. Chase, this is everybody.”

I always remember that day whenever I’m pissed at him. It sucks cuz then it gets hard to stay pissed at him.

Chase looks at me warily before he grabs my fist and pulls me into a tentative bro hug. “Hey, man.”

”I’m mad at you.”

“Yeah. I kinda got that,” he replies. “Babe, did you tell him yet?”

“Of course not Simon will you be my Man of Honor?” All of this comes out on a single breath and obviously without punctuation.

I can feel myself standing here blinking at them. Everything gets a little slo-mo. I swallow.

Lily flashes her ring, wiggling her fingers at me in excitement.

“Married?”

They both nod yes.

“I do! I mean, yes! I will!” I sweep the tiny human up into my arms and twirl her around once before holding her at arm’s length. “Mazel tov!” I hug her again, and then look to Chase. “I knew this day would come, but a father’s never prepared for the flood of emotions, is he.”

“Father?” asks Lily with an “Ew gross,” following shortly behind.

“You better treat my little girl right,” I adopt a Texan accent, “Or I’mma come after you, son.” I give him a nostril flare, because it feels right. “You hear me, son? That’s my little girl you’re marrying. And Daddy’s got a shotgun, son. Daddy’s got a shotgun alright.” All we’re missing is a spittoon.

“Simon, what are you doing?” Lily asks.

“You know very well what I’m doing.”

Both Chase and I speak at once. “Monologuing.” It’s a thing we do. We went to theatre school.

“I can’t believe you’re monologuing at a time like this!” She practically shouts at me.

“It’s what he does when he’s nervous,” says Chase. The man who’s known me better than anyone else since we were 10.

Ugh, I guess I better man up and give him a real hug. “Mazel tov, man.”

————/-/————

She can’t be serious. “You want me to what now?” She wants me to cosplay Book Simon for Comic Con. I feel sick.

“I just threw up a little in my mouth.”

“No, seriously, hear me out. ‘Simon is Simon!’” she says with finger quotes. “It’s your thing! It’s synergy,” she says with ever more enthusiasm.

Lily, picturing synergy

“You’re joking, right?” It’s Chase.

“Oh thank God,” I blow out a breath of relief. “I was literally about to die a thousand horrified deaths hearing you agree with her. Oh my God. I feel dizzy.”

“Shut up,” Lily grouses. She sticks her tongue out at us because adulting is hard.

“I can’t cosplay my own books, and you know this! That is the- I mean, why would you even-“ She’s shaking her head, indicating that she is stubbornly holding tight to her position. “OK, look,” I say, committed to explaining all the ways she is an insane person. “What would you be thinking if you went to a show, only to find the frontman wearing his own band’s t-shirt, from this year’s merch tables.”

Chase sucks in his breath and pulls back, as if I have particularly noxious farts. Big, juicy, gross ones.

And then Lily busts out with, “I’d think he was wearing an ironic t-shirt.”

Ooooo, well played, Lily. Nice save. But I’m still embarrassed for her. “I wouldn’t be able to look myself in the eye for years after cosplaying myself. I think I might literally throw up. So much.”

“What about the scene when you crawl out of the grave - that Simon,” she persists. “You could be all muddy and unrecognizable.”

“But I AM VAMPIRE HUNTER D! And anyway, I’m on a panel tomorrow. So I can’t show up unrecognizable from being covered in mud from my grave.”

Simon, picturing D

“On a panel?!” Chase exclaims. “You, Simon Lewis, on a panel. Facts? You’re on a panel?”

I nod.

“On a panel,” he reiterates for the purpose of clarity. “Why didn’t you lead with that?!”

“Yes, yes, and yes to however many questions - I lost count.”

“And he’s my Man of Honor. And,” she gets serious, “he’s moving to Italy.”

“What? Simon, what the fuck?” Chase is now pie-eyed.

“And he’s talking to someone.” She finally stops dropping bombs.

I groan, “Lily, I was trying to get to all of that. Just one at a time.”

“Stop right there. Both of you.” Chase is suddenly serious. “Simon?”

“Yes, Chase?”

“Talk. About Comic Con.”

Lily is unimpressed. “That’s where you landed? Of all those options. You want to hear about Comic Con.”

“Ok, Comic Con,” I acquiesce. “I’m on tomorrow at 11am, 1A18. They want me to talk about getting started at a young age. But after this morning’s meeting with Johnny, I’m beginning to think maybe that’s not what they’ll want to hear about at all.” I am internally happy dancing.

“Why - what’s that about?” Chase wants to know.

“Come to the panel and find out,” I challenge, barely concealing my glee.

They both look pained. Chase breaks the awkward with, “It’s a little late for tickets. We didn’t know if you’d want to go.”

“Why wouldn’t I have wanted to go?”

“For exactly the reason we were worried about you being mad at how long it’s been. Simon,” he raises an eyebrow. “You ‘later-bro’d me.”

I can’t decide if I’m feeling guilty for that. At all. Nope. Not feeling guilty.

“Kelly can get VIP Passes. Will you come?”

They look to each other for some silent communication. It appears to go a little like this:

“What do you think?” asks Lily’s raised eyebrows.

Chase’s squint answers, “I dunno.” He’s always had a hard time agreeing to do things without several days notice. It’s one of the things I changed about his character in the book. You can’t be a half-angel warrior without spontaneity.

Lily’s hopeful eyes and dimples scream back, “Please, please, please?”

Chase’s sigh is total capitulation. The tension in his shoulders lets go, telling me he’s in.

“Thanks, guys. I hadn’t realized how much I need you there for the announcement. It’s big, and I’m freaking out.”

Chase goes to speak but I cut him off. “Nope, not telling til tomorrow. Cuz for now, I have even bigger news. You tell him, Lily.”

“Which thing am I telling him? It’s all juicy. Like how you met someone and now you’re moving to Italy. Is that the part you mean?”

Chase is still communicating wordlessly. His eye roll says, “As if.”

“Dude, bro I-“ I begin, but Lily cuts me off.

“Did he just dude-bro you?” she asks Chase in alarm.

“Yes, Lily. Yes he did,” answers Chase, looking askance at me.

“Shut up. Whatever.” I wave the dude-bro away. Just tell them, Lewis. “So, I kinda met someone. Someone in Italy. Which is only partly responsible for me moving there.”

Chase finally seems to get it.

“You’re moving?” he asks, voice losing its bombast.

“To Italy,” Lily confirms.

“Uh, I guess, yeah, kind of? Yes, I’m moving to Italy,” I say with greater conviction and vehemence.

“Name, please.” Lily puts out her hand as if I’m expected to have a pocket full of gold to deposit there. But what she’s actually demanding is a different kind of currency. A name.

“Um, I don’t know. I can’t really- I mean I don’t really know what ‘we’ are, so-“

“Give us a bloody name, you wanker,” Chase pulls out the Britishisms. “Clearly it’s serious.”

Si, certo. “Billy.” It flows out of my mouth so naturally that I know I’m not wrong.

“Where did y-“ Chase begins.

“Sorrento. A hotel. Maybe you guys can come visit sometime?”

Again with the unspoken language of eyebrows and dimples.

“OK, sure, yeah. If we can.” He’s being noncommittal. Maybe they don’t get that I’d be buying the tickets. They’re pretty expensive and Lily and Chase are a few off-Broadway shows away from their big breaks, so they can’t exactly be buying airfare just because I tell them to.

“Good. Let me know when, so I can have Kelly do all the ticket stuff,” I clarify, but I can see Chase is already squirming. “She’s the only one who knows how life actually works. Like I guess that frequent flier miles are an actual thing that exists. Hypothetically speaking.”

“Oh!” Lily exclaims. “Frequent flyer miles? Cuz if that’s the case, I’m saying yes right now. Just to be clear.”

“Yeah, of course! Just let Kelly figure it out, once you know when would work, ok?” Suddenly I’m feeling brilliant. Their honeymoon. Oh my god I am so awesome. “Or, y’know, you could always do your honeymoon-“

“Done! Yes! Our honeymoon! Yes, please. Yes. Exactly! That’s exactly when we’re coming whether Chase likes it or not.” Lily is practically vibrating, and trying hard to keep herself tethered to the earth. She fails. She jumps up and down, clapping and giggling. I might have gotten that from her.

This kind of thing always makes Chase uncomfortable — the money talk. It always seems to make him itch. As if money talk gives him hives.

“Soooo, Billie? Who’s she?” he asks with renewed interest.

“Yeah! I want to know about Billie, Simon, spill,” she echoes.

Well, shit. This is awkward.

I take a deep breath, and wing it. “Um, yeah, so Billy’s a chef at the best hotel I’ve ever seen in my life. And you guys know what a book tour is like. So when I say I’m in love with a hotel…”

“Yeah, yeah, we get it, you love the hotel. Next?” Lily dispenses with the superfluous information. “More about Billie. Feed us.”

“Reminds me — let me know as soon as you pick a date, so I can get you a reservation. As much advance notice as y-“

“Blah blah blah restaurant, hotel, blah blah Billie! More Billie!” she demands.

“Are you moving to Italy because of a girl?” Chase isn’t excited about this notion.

“A girl?” I suppose that the following is not technically a lie: “Nope. Not for a girl. And anyway, even if it was partly because I like somebody, it’s just as much about loving Italy. The Mediterranean.” (I don’t misspell it, cuz I don’t want to confuse them.) “The speed of life there. The priorities are different there. And anyway, I already bought a car there. That’s like one step away from applying for citizenship. I like to finish what I’ve started, y’know?”

“Funny,” says Chase without even a hint of a smile.

“Wait. Are you getting-“ I pull back, eyes theatrically squinty. “Lily? What is happening on Chase’s face? This is a new one, and I’m not embarrassed to admit it scares me. A little.”

“I’m not sure, actually,” she says, studying him. “It’s almost the way he looks when some guy is hitting on me.”

“Chase, are you jealous? Please say yes, please say yes,” I tease.

“I am not jealous! Why would I be jealous!” He’s beginning to shut down. Lily and I both know the signs, so we let it go.

“Billy is a chef from Ireland,” I begin, and Lily is already swooning. The accent. Guaranteed. “And I will not deny that the Irish thing does it for me.”

“Is she a redhead?” asks Lily.

“Not a fan of the gingers, me,” Chase reminds us. It was one of the things I enjoyed most about writing up his dream girl — giving her red hair. His face looked pinched from sucking lemons when he first read it.

“Moving on. So I haven’t made any calls or done anything about moving, yet. So I don’t know about timing or anything. But I’ll let you know when I do.”

“Billie, please. Less Italy, more Billie. We’re frickin hungry, so feed us already!” she demands.

“What’s her best quality?” Chase wants to know.

“Beauty, yeah of course, and specifically the insanely green eyes. But really? Billy thinks I’m funny. Like, actual laughing and not just laughing to be nice.”

Their faces tell me everything I need to know.

“You’re making her up,” Chase claims.

“Agreed, she doesn’t exist,” says Lily. “How could you lie to us — right to our faces?!”

“Facts! And actually kinda seems to care about me. Like for real and not just for imagination.”

“Why do you think she’s worth dropping everything to shack up with her?” Lily asks.

“Billy is a lot of things, Lily. And ‘worth it’ is definitely one of them. I’m actually kind of fucked up about it. It’s a connection. A weird and unexpected one. But it’s a connection and it might be the first real one I’ve had since I met you guys. Damn. That’s kinda heavy. Right?”

They both vigorously nod in agreement.

Did I just ask them to come visit me and my very masculine, male ‘friend’ Billy? I might be regretting that already. A lot. This represents the 10% success rate I mentioned earlier that differs from the 90% success rate of my gut-mouth.

————/-/————

“Simon?!” I hear pots and pans clang to the floor in the background.

“Billy? Are you ok?”

“Just-“ His voice sounds strained, like he’s stretching — likely because of the falling objects he’s trying to rescue. “One-“

I hear Italian in the background.

Was that Billy? Holy shit, I thought his Irish accent was hot. Wait. Now an older man’s voice in Italian is doing some kind of scolding.

“Si, normale, normale,” I hear Billy say, and I almost get chills. Then I do get chills cuz he’s saying, “Grazie, Vittorio. Grazie mille.” I want him to say that, but with my name in the middle, and directly into my ear. Low and private, so only I can hear.

At least I know enough to catch that he’s speaking with one of the owners of the hotel. The one who runs the kitchen. Head chef. Michelin stars and all that.

I’ve only gotten a handful of words, but god it’s good to hear Billy’s voice.

What the fuck is up with me? I am so completely beyond my comfort zone. Because only things that I know how to do are in my comfort zone. If I don’t know how to do something, how am I supposed to be comfortable? Whatever. Point is, I miss his-

“Simon? You still on? Simon?”

“Yeah! Yes. Hi. Yeah, here. Hi.”

Billy chuckles on the other end. God what a glorious sound.

“It’s so fuckin good to hear your voice, mate,” rushes out of him. “I can’t even pretend it isn’t.”

“Fuckin hell, I know!” I can’t even pretend either.

“Lord, I think I need to sit my arse down a minute.”

I think he might miss me.

It feels like my digestive system has jazz hands, and I am grinning. I know this because I've just raised my fingertips to my lips to find out. And they are indeed grinning. If I had a mirror I’d be able to tell if it’s a dopey grin. I’ve never tried that kind of grin so I’m ill-prepared for encountering one in the wild.

“Hmmm,” Billy intones, then giggles. Recall how awesome those are. Giggles from Billy are musical, up and down the scale.

Billy tells me, “I love that you have no problem with thinking out loud — especially since, in the moment, you have no idea you’re doing it.” He’s teasing me. I’m feeling teased.

It’s simple. “I gave up caring. It wasn’t worth the energy. And anyone who can’t handle it won’t be able to handle me. So, it’s like a sieve for humans.��

“Weird metaphor, but ok,” he grants me.

It just occurred to me, “She Who Shall Not Be Named never commented on it. Not once. I kinda figured it wasn’t happening anymore. But I guess it is.”

“Simon?”

“Billy?”

“Did you ever feel like she took advantage of knowin what you were thinkin?”

Well, that was dark as one can get. I’ll admit my pride doesn’t love the implication.

“Probably,” I admit with an acrid taste in my mouth.

“Fuck her,” he says, simply. But there’s a vehemence underneath it all that makes my pulse go all irregular. He’s jealous. And protective. Of me! I feel like I just got asked to the prom by the hot exchange student.

“Why do I have to like you so much?” I accuse. “It’s really annoying.”

He doesn’t answer. “Billy? You still there?”

“Yeah.” His voice is weird and rough. “I’m here. I’m glad you called.”

“Me too.”

“No,” he says. “I’m really glad you called. I think I might be ah, em, a little fucked up over this whole thing.”

My heart plummets to my shoes. “Oh.” I don’t know what to do with this new information. I didn’t realize he thought this was fucked up. Ow. My…something hurts. Ow.

“Simon, that’s not even what I said, mate. I said that I’m fucked up, not that the situation is bad. You get the difference, right?” He sounds all wrong.

“Billy, are you ok? I’m a little lost, but I don’t want to be. So tell me, are you ok? Are…are we ok?”

“God yes,” rushes out of him all at once. “Tell me we’re ok, Simon. Are we?”

“Of course! Why would you- No, you know what? Never mind all that. I’m just gonna say it plain. I miss you, Billy Delaney. I miss you and Italy. I plan to see both of you by the end of the week.”

I hear a huge exhalation on the other end, and then I hear movement, as if he’s just slid down the wall to the floor, and landed with a grunt.

“Does that sound ok?” I ask.

“Y-“ He has to clear his throat, and it still sounds gruff. “Yes. Good. Yeah, yes. That- That sounds good.”

“Everything ok, Delaney?”

“Yes, Lewis. All is, as you say, ok.”

“Thank God.”

“Right?” he asks on another gust of breath.

“Why do I miss you so much? It’s weird, right?” I mean, it is. Right?

“Not to my eyes. Not to my ears. Or any other part of me,” he says. “I feel like I haven’t been able to breathe since you left the car. Vittorio is convinced I’ve lost a relation or something. I almost cut myself dicing, Simon. I almost cut myself, dicing!!! That’s beyond the pale, mate. Beyond the pale!”

“Be more careful, Billy, but don’t stop missing me, ok?”

“Ok. Say it back.”

“I promise, Billy. I won’t stop missing you.”

“God! I am so completely shite. Needin to hear that from you. Embarrassing.”

“But-“ One word into my response, Ma busts into my bedroom. It’s after lights-out time, and she’s brandishing her matriarchy at me.

“Simon! What are you doing up so late?” she demands.

I feel just like I did when I was 13 and got caught with my hand in my jammies. “Knock, Ma! I’m on the phone!”

“You are not. You’re on the computer. Don’t lie to me.” Despite the fact that it’s the future, where computers are also phones.

I can do nothing but roll my eyes.

Billy chuckles. “Keep it down, Simon. They’ll be hearin your eyes in Italy.” How can he tell?

“Shh!” I hiss.

“Don’t you shush me, Simon Ira Lewis.”

“She just triple named me,” I whisper to Billy.

“Who are you talking to, young man?”

“‘Young man?’” Billy laughs. “So your mum’s the one as keeps threatening to turn the car round, then.”

“You’re being very rude to your mother. Don’t carry on another conversation while we’re having a conversation.”

“The irony,” observes Billy.

I shoot him a “Pshht!” under my breath, and growl with an actual “grrr.”

“You’re all up in my space, Ma. That’s not ok.”

Ma looks taken aback.

“Who are you to decide what’s ok? Respect your elders, young man.”

“Ma. Stop. And go away. Or I will. I’m serious.”

“Excuse me?!”

“I love you, Ma, but you’re killin me here.”

“Boundaries,” Billy sagely observes.

“Boundaries, Ma. We have some.” Then to Billy, “Shh! I’ll handle this.”

“You’ll handle what? You’ll handle me?! What has gotten into you?!”

“Nothing, yet.”

Billy has just snarfed water out his nose.

I can hear him choking in the background.

“Look, Ma. We’ll talk in the morning, k? But I gotta go give a talk first thing, so it’ll have to be breakfast, not brunch.” And seeing as feeding loved ones is plainly still her kryptonite, I decide to take the food route to her happy place. “Will you make the coffee how I like it? And some of your coffee cake?” Oh my god, the coffee cake. I just made myself salivate. I’m not ashamed.

I see her giving me a thoughtful side-eye. “Alright. I love you, honey.”

“Love you too, Ma. G’night.”

“You want her to leave the door open a crack, and the hall light on?” Billy teases.

“How do you know about that?! I mean, why would you say that?”

“No reason,” Billy answers. “I think I might love your mother,” he says, with that twinkling voice he gets when he’s delighted. Are all Irish people so twinkly everywhere all the time? I gotta find a better word than twinkly.

“Promise me she’s short,” he commands. “In my mind she is a mighty woman, but short.”

“Your mind is right. Jewish mothers are required to be short,” I report. “It’s the law.”

“I knew it,” he laughs. Again, with the twinkling. “Her accent is amazing. Why don’t you sound like her?”

“You mean like this? Soymun. You’re pretty close with your Soim’n, actually. Who knew? Brooklyn and Ireland. Two countries so far apart should not sound so close.”

He chuckles. Such a nice sound. “More. Do the voice, do the voice,” he demands.

“Really? Ok.”

“Ha HA! Yes!” I can hear him grinning maniacally. He should consider happy clapping. When words fail, it’s really the only thing left to do.

“OK. So here’s what she tells me this morning at 6am over coffee:

“Soymun,” I exaggerate her accent. “Did you hear we have new neighbors next door? You remember, where Mrs. Levy died.” (Mrs. Levy died?) “Such a nice young couple. Two men, you know. They get married these days. Such nice Jewish boys.” (Always with the NJBs.) “They got the most beautiful baby girl.” (Got? What, did they go shopping?) “I babysit from time to time, you know. Oy, so spoiled already. A strong head on her, that one. She’ll make a fine Jewish mother someday.” (God help her future sons.)

He stops applauding to inquire, “NJBs?”

“Nice Jewish Boys. Like me. It’s a thing. Just roll with it.”

————/Billy/————

Billy: send me a dick pic

Grumpy: adfsdadfslkjsdjf

Grumpy: you want a what

Billy: ☝️printed right there

Grumpy: rhetorical q

Grumpy: back to the dick pic

Billy: yes please back to that

Grumpy: are you kidding

Grumpy: no dick pic til i know if you’re kidding

Billy: have you ever taken one

Grumpy: NO!

Grumpy: i mean yeah of course

Billy: you’ve never taken one

Grumpy: no

Billy: send me one

Grumpy: why???

Billy: are you feckin jokin me?

Billy: if your hand was doing what mine is

Grumpy:

Billy: just a little somethin to inspire

Grumpy:

Billy: refresh my memory

Grumpy: so how’s Lola?

He’s attempting to distract me with his car.

Billy: send one

Grumpy: you’re bossy

Billy: do you like that

Grumpy: jesus billy!!!

————/-/————

Ten minutes of banter later, I have the dick pic, a full bath, candles in the window, lights off, and almost an entire bottle of Bushmills 12. I swirl the whiskey round the ice til it starts meltin, then let myself into the water, relaxin against a towel folded behind my head.

I like making Simon feel wanted. Desired. But I was also wanting the dick pic currently glowin in my hand.

The hand that’s not currently cupping my balls, giving them some much appreciated attention. I prop the phone up against the window, so both hands are free.

I compare the pic to my own cock. Despite being the same size, they really are quite different. He’s cut — that’s the obvious difference. But he’s also veinier. Different color, too. Mine’s more, I’m not sure, maybe darker? But his looks sort of peachy, with a rosy head. I recall it looking angry red when it’s hard.

Grumpy: I’m waiting

Billy: ?

Grumpy: for yours, you cheat!

Billy: ok

I hold mine in my hand, stroke it and take a couple shots. The second one is best (why? dunno), so I hit send.

Grumpy: glargh *swallows tongue*

Grumpy: no swallowing jokes

Grumpy: unless they’re good jokes

Billy: you don’t want me thinking bout swallowin

Billy: but you’re fine with me thinkin bout your tongue, tonguing?

Billy: that’d be alright then would it?

Billy: i’m so turned on that even textin can’t make my cock go soft

Grumpy: you don’t play fair

Billy: you got no idea

Grumpy: merp

Billy: goodnight simon

Grumpy: no! billy wait!

Billy: my hands are busy

Slippery under water, my cock is almost painfully hard, but the slip and slide is everything good in the world.

Because of a dick pic. That is mental.

But look at it!

I think I just- Did I really just salivate?

Now all I can think about is picturing Simon slipping and sliding in and out of a mouth. Not my mouth, specifically. Sort of a gender neutral mouth. And just thinkin bout Simon gettin sucked off, my brain stutters, my pulse, my stroke, everything stutters as the bright light of pleasure glows throughout me and I’m groaning.

I twist as I pass the head on every stroke. God yes. My breathing picks up.

The imaginary mouth sucks on the crown of his cock. The image sends a lance of pleasure through me. I imagine my hand doin the same to his balls as I’m doin to mine.

In my mind, I’m picturing Simon feelin everything I do to myself, as if I’m doing it to him. I use it to create the fantasy. The fantasy expands to include my cock gettin sucked off. And it’s a pair of lips I’ve never kissed. I can’t believe the strength of wantin Simon’s lips on my cock, and wantin Simon to feel it as if it’s my lips on him. Mmmmmfff.

Oh shit, what’s- Text notification. Simon’s just sent another text.

His cock. Long, thick, rock hard and red. The angle is mmmmf his thighs in the background, and ungh his ssssac against his course shorthairssss.

I get two flashes of pleasure in quick succession. Oh fuck yes. Hhhhhhhhhhmmmyes.

My cock jumps underwater, sending out ripples as electricity courses down my length.

Unnnnhhh, my imagination is still hard at work. I can no longer tell what part belongs to who, where sensation and imagination meld. In my hand. In his mouth.

Mmmmmm in his mouth.

I can see it with such clarity. That mental image makes my balls draw up high and tight, and all they want is release. Oh Jaysus, the image is so clear. His mouth, red and puffy from bein used. Spit-shine on his lips, running to his chin. The vision makes me moan, like a glow from a thousand miles away. And I keep on moanin, as a thrilling feeling of urgency swamps me. I arch my back, the pleasure drawing from every part of me, until I uncontrollably gasp “Fffffffffffffuh!” And suddenly I’m pulsing come into a cloth.

My cock in his mmmmouth. I convulse again, pulsing out even more, and my moan turns into a whine as I encourage one last strained pulse from the head.

My chest is heaving from holdin my breath. Sometimes I forget to breathe when I come. And if I can manage to keep control of my cock long enough to time my climax right, some of my most powerful orgasms have come from holdin my breath longer than a reasonable man would. The gasp of air when I tip over the edge is an orgasm that comes on a head rush and a sudden infusion of oxygen.

I’m not one for choking, though. Even the thought of it makes my cock shrink.

I step out of the bath and rest against the window frame, appreciating the view of the boats in the harbor all lit up like sparks on the water. I let myself air dry in the night breezes, luxuriating nude by the open window lettin in the floral scents of the gardens and the salt off the sea.

It’s a beautiful night, and I am sated.

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Masterlist || ao3 || start || prev || next

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ksbbb · 6 months

Note

ur okay to answer all of the questions? 🤭😅😆

😂😂😂 for you? I will 🫂

list 3 positive things about your current fandom(s)? A lot of material to work with considering we have to fill in gaps. Multiple characters to use. Lost of works to explore and plus there’s so many head canons that you can get lost and have a whole day to fill. 😂 they finished the show too. I will add that. Some shows get canceled.

A head cannon you weren’t sure about at first but you have come to like?

Liam not being able to cook. It sounds silly but at first I wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt and I enjoy the thought of Theo being the cook and perfectionist with it.

a character that fandom has helped you appreciate?

Derek Hale. LISTEN. Don’t come for me. Originally I didn’t like Derek because he was mean to Scott at first and I didn’t like how he threw Isaac out of the loft with no place to go. 😤 however, I’ve come to the conclusion through the fandom that he has grown and he went through a lot. He also did come back to help Scott.

say something nice about a ship you don't ship (it can be another ship in your fandom, a mutual's OTP, etc)

Stalia. Stiles helping Malia and them looking out for each other was always really sweet to me.

Something you see in fics a lot and love

Theo moving in with Liam. I think we have established this happened for real in our teen wolf world.

Something you see in art a lot and love

Theo and Liam in Theo’s truck driving around.

your favorite tropes to read/write/draw

Enemies to lovers

Sharing a bed

Reluctant friends/allies

you hope more people will come to appreciate ___ (a ship, a trope, an episode, etc)

Season 5 . Yes it was a little rough and a lot of holes, but we got Theo and the chimera pack. It also gave a horror type vibe which I loved .

Plus plus… we were introduced to

A ship that isn’t your OTP but you enjoy

Scisaac. I don’t think anything else needs to be said.

a blog (mutual or one you follow) that has made your fandom experience brighter

@thiamsxbitch @wolfboy88

If you’re a writer or an artist what work are you proud of making?

Hmmm. I think I always come back to this but

your favorite type of fandom event (gift exchange, ship week, secret santa, prompt meme, etc)

Thiam gift exchange was fun. I also liked the thiam reverse big bang and seeing all the artwork

Compliment someone else in your fandom

Well… that’s hard fjfjfj. I like everyone but I will say that green zone is the best written fic I’ve read in a long time. @chasing-chimeras

A ship that always makes you smile

Scira . 💙💙 so wholesome

A character that always makes you smile

Scott

A thing in canon that everyone loves that you also love

Morey. I mean, Jeff didn’t screw that up in in the show. The movie we won’t discuss .

tiny detail in canon that you want more people to appreciate

The development of Derek and Scott’s relationship from angry stand offish allies to brothers. I think it’s cute and now that I like Derek I love it. 😂

Your first fandom

Vampire diaries but I wasn’t a writer or artist for it

Your current fandom

Teen wolf

All American

Shadow and bone

Supernatural

a fandom you're not active in anymore but that you still really like

Vampire diaries

A fandom friend you have known the longest

@waterloou 🫂

the fandom you're curious about because of a mutual

Hmm 🤔 idk. I’d have to think but one tree hill has been on my mind to watch because of you @thiamsxbitch

how has fandom positively impacted your life?

I met some fantastic people and for that I will be eternally thankful

A piece of advice for taking care of yourself in fandom spaces?

Take breaks and don’t look at numbers. It’s easy to get lost in it but what’s important is that you enjoy what you’re doing. If you don’t like it and it becomes a constant stress for more likes or comments, then it’s time to step away.

It should be fun

#answered #fandom asks #fjfjfjft this was a mouthful #thanks for the asks!

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27emailsicantsend · 10 months

Note

Carlos Rodriguez for the ask!

Got A LOT of requests for my cutie, Carlos- so here you go everyone! :)

Favorite thing about them: His wit and sass. He literally had me in tears laughing throughout season 3 and there are so many times his sass just works in the scene. He’s an absolute diva and he knows it, but his bluntness with the characters keeps the drama moving along. I would give anything to have a girls night where Carlos and I wear face masks, eat chocolate, and discuss our friends relationships. You couldn’t tell me that wouldn’t be the best night ever.

Least favorite thing about them: His sass/diva persona is a double-edged sword. There are a lot of times he comes across harsh or selfish when he wants his way. Determination is a great thing, but putting your friends needs below it (like the co-choreographer debocal), will leave you lonely and sad. I know he has big dreams, but sometimes he puts his needs first at others expense and it can come across as egotistical. I think this is a root to a lot of the Seblos issues- Carlos only reads how he interprets situations as correct, rather than putting himself in the other person’s shoes.

Favorite line(s):

“Broadway?”

“Ah! I’ve been slapped!”

“It’s freaking Norway, Ricky”

It’s not a line, but his face in 1x08 when he’s rehearsing with EJ is ICONIC

“Ok but if it’s not about me, then who?”

“But does that mean you’re going to let the next girl go without even trying?”

“I’m gay and Mexican- this IS my inside voice!”

“You can’t just Zefron your way through auditions this time”

“I don’t think he’s slept or spoken in the past 24 hours… there’s a high chance he’s a Babadook”

“We’re doing the first read-through before I’ve had my third cup of coffee…. Oh, Ricky and Gina are 100% missing” (say it again louder Carlos this was so real of you)

“Because the key to any great reality show is the 3 B’s: bombshells, betrayals and BLEEP slaps” *gasps*

“I think I broke the children”

“Remember, Ricky, you have unresolved feelings for Gina”… “Gina, what’s your motivation?” Gina: I don’t want to get started “Yes, AND you’re angry at your boyfriend and using your ex-boyfriend to get under his skin. Basically, have fun torturing EJ” Gina: I can do that 😈

“Jilted ex suits you bro… oh no. I said ‘bro’ and now you’re gonna reveal something”

-bonus: “Sorry. I’m adjusting to being called ‘bro’”

“I didn’t come to make friends” “It cut me off! I said, ‘I didn’t come to make friends, I came to be a star!” Ricky: yeah, that’s not any better

OTP: Seblos ❤️

nOTP: EJ and Carlos

brOTP: Carlos and Ricky, Kourtney, and Miss Jenn… but if I had to pick one, probably Kourtney

Something I expect from them season 4 (if applicable): I think the situation of Carlos at camp is going to get confused by Seb of Carlos cheating again. I think Seb will think the relationship is over (“we were on a break!”… if you know what I’m quoting, you’re the best), so he will date someone else. This will parallel the r*ni fight in S1, which gets us the Seblos song.

Random Headcanon: even if this never happens in S4, it is my personal HC that as a thank you for s2, Carlos helps Ricky write a song for Gina.

Unpopular Opinion: I don’t even know if this actually is unpopular, but I could see it being that way so I am putting it here. His line to Gina about “look around, there’s not really a lot of me here” has bothered me since it happened. I think things like being from multiple minorities is really important to address in shows like this, so I’m glad it was brought up. However, I think his timing/tone for bringing it up was bad because it read more as “my problems are bigger than yours!” rather than, “hey I get what it feels like to be lonely and how important choreography makes me feel like I stand out/have purpose”. Instead Carlos seemed defensive and was like “I have problems too!” So this caused Gina to cower and let him lead the dance number. He didn’t even say thank you or try to encourage her to still help him, he just was like “ok great!” And seemed like he was happy he got his way. IDK I guess this goes back to my disliked trait for him, because Gina in that moment probably just needed a friend and somebody to show her she didn’t have to suffer alone, but instead Carlos flipped the situation back on him and it seemed guilt-trippy. I wish they would have brought up his struggles in a different context or had him use a different tone/dialogue in that scene that didn’t paint him like that, is all.

Song I associate with them: The King by Conan Gray, Hand on Mine Megan and Liz, and I know it’s from the show (I’m trying to avoid songs from the show for this ask) but since he doesn’t sing it I’ll use it. But I think of him every time I listen to Born to be Brave; his talk with Mozzarella Stick and him being lifted by the whole crowd is burned into my brain so I see it whenever I listen to that song

Favorite picture of them:

#hsmtmts #high school musical the musical the series #carlos rodriguez #seblos #seb #asks #character asks #anon

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elvenbeard · 1 year

Text

To Bad Decisions

Notes: aka the "I love you"-game-of-chicken story inspired by this otp ask game the other week! @wanderingaldecaldo here you go xD First I wanted this to be just light-hearted fluff and fun, but then the angst grabbed me and it got looong, hence to be continued under the readmore!

Cyberpunk 2077 drabble, Kerry Eurodyne x V, set a few months post-ending, rated M for the opening paragraph mostly XD

V struggles with putting his feelings into words, scared that Kerry might be catching on - or is he potentially struggling with the same thing? No, that can't be, right?

The first time V almost said it out loud would have been at one of the worst moments possible to do so: pinned down on their bed, on his stomach, Kerry fucking him so good his head was spinning, barely able to even think a coherent sentence.

“I - …” he gasped, but caught his breath just in time, closed his eyes, and buried his burning face in the heavenly cold pillow.

“You…?” Kerry purred into his ear, out of breath as well, and that alone almost sent him over the edge. He didn’t recall what he ended up saying, a jumbled mess of words and noises… but thankfully not the three originally on his mind.

It was silly, really. Firstly, that he struggled so much with just expressing what he felt, and secondly, trying to find the perfect moment to do so when such a thing would never exist. Or well, maybe perfect moments did exist, but he always only seemed to recognize them once they were gone. The morning after the yacht trip, when they’d woken up together in Vs bed, warm and safe and comfortable, just peacefully existing side by side… Kerry blinking at him through tousled hair, smiling softly… that had been a perfect moment, it would have felt right. But it also would have been way too soon. They’d known each other for how long, two weeks maybe? Three if he counted the whole mess surrounding the organization of the SAMURAI reunion, but that had been mostly Johnny doing the talking, not himself. At that time, V had still feared his feelings could have been just brought on by Johnny actually, and whatever kind of thing that had been going on between him and Kerry a long, long time ago… that with Johnny the butterflies and their connection would also disappear, sooner or later. That it was not right to lead Kerry on, should it eventually happen, no matter how much he’d already liked him on that one perfect morning, on that beach, on that balcony…

But then his feelings didn’t fade. Things were different now, but better than V could have ever dreamed of. Kerry made him happy in a way he hadn’t deemed possible anymore, after all that had happened, after so many past disappointments. And yet, or maybe because of that, he couldn’t silence the nagging voice in his head – his own this time – that for whatever absurd reason Kerry didn’t feel the same. That by saying what he felt out loud, he’d ruin everything, again, for both of them.

“Remind me, what’s the plan for today again?” Kerry yawned as they sat in the kitchen the next morning, the scent of freshly brewed coffee and scrambled eggs still hanging in the air.

“That one client I told you about… Cancelled last minute because “something important” came up. Again,” V muttered, scrolling through the sheer never-ending list of appointments on his holo.

Kerry scoffed.

“Told ya. It’s never gonna happen. This is what, the fourth time he’s postponed?”

“Guess you’re always right after all,” V teased and got up to put their empty plates and mugs in the dishwasher.

“’Course I am,” Kerry said; after a short pause he added “But it’s his loss, not yours.”

“True,” V said, “And it also means I’ll have an hour or two of spare time to fill around three. Could swing by the studio, if you want?”

He didn’t reply for a few moments, causing V to look up from the dishwasher. Kerry sat leaned on the counter, his chin resting on his hand, and he stared at him with an expression he couldn’t quite figure out.

“I… would love that,” he then said with a smile, but for a split-second V thought he was going to say something else, his heart beating harder and faster instantly.

“Bring some coffee and bagels maybe?” Kerry added with a wink and V laughed.

“Sure thing.”

Maybe it was not even necessary to say anything out loud. Never touch a running system. Why accidentally ruin something that was working out so well, against all odds? Living with Kerry felt so easy, so natural. Of course, it wasn’t always smooth sailing. They’d had their struggles and fights over the silliest and also the most serious things. But there was never malice, and they were constantly working on their communication, stating their needs, their wishes, and getting to know each other’s boundaries. Kerry was a lot more in touch with his emotions and feelings than V though. Maybe that was something that just came naturally with age and life experience. Or it was just how he’d always been like, not afraid to state his mind. V had always struggled with showing or even allowing feelings. Surprisingly, Kerry was still just as good as him, maybe even better, at masking his real intentions around people whom they did not concern – be it managers, medias, even fans and the like. A long-honed craft for sure, his badass, laidback rockerboy persona, and essential to surviving in the corporate-run world the music industry was. V knew from his own experience only too well that everything you said, every hint of weakness you showed, would be exploited and used against you mercilessly and shamelessly – for money, for power, for fame.

When they were alone though, or around their closest friends, Kerry was so much softer around the edges… carried his heart on his sleeve, really. Or so V had thought.

“Alright, gotta bounce,” V yelled, grabbing his sunglasses from the counter before rushing to lean over the sofa’s backrest to give Kerry a quick peck on the cheek, “I - …”

Fuck.

“I… will give you a call if anything unexpected comes up.”

Kerry looked up from his guitar, one eyebrow slightly raised.

“Alright, come back safe,” he then said, reaching up to grab his collar and pull him back in for a proper kiss.

“’Cause you know, I…” he paused as their lips parted, again causing V’s breath to hitch for a moment, “I still need you.”

He smiled that heart-melting smile he was so good at, and V was half-tempted to call the client and tell her he’d run late, or just cancel altogether. Reluctantly he pulled away and walked out the door.

In the elevator he kept wondering though if “I still need you” was really what Kerry had been meaning to say.

Over the course of the following week, V kept noticing more and more of these little moments, caught himself almost slipping up a lot more often. At first he wondered if Kerry was as aware of it as himself. So many “I… hope you’ll have a good day”s, “I – will miss you”s, “I… I’ll talk to you later”s couldn’t just be flying past him. The longer it continued on, the more he wondered if maybe, just maybe… Kerry was playing along on purpose? Or was he also avoiding just to say the words, out of fear to mess things up between them? He couldn’t quite believe either option. Maybe he just ignored it, to not make it even weirder, or maybe it was not as obvious as V thought.

By the end of the week, V asked himself, did it actually matter? That they said it, if and when they said it, who’d be the one to say it first, if at all? Maybe he was overthinking it. He knew he loved Kerry, more than he’d loved anyone before. And he did feel loved by him just as much. Sure, it would be nice to hear it out loud, now and then, but maybe actions did speak louder than words. Little gestures, touches, just being near each other, picking the other up when he was feeling down, being encouraging, or sometimes also just silly. Making commitments, promises, and keeping them. Daring to plan for a future neither of them had thought they’d get, together. It was not important to say it when they lived it, is what V decided for himself eventually. Why ruin something, maybe not perfect, but pretty fucking close to it, with a bunch of words so loaded with bad memories and regrets for both of them?

“I… have an itch for new ink,” Kerry said one night at the villa, where they regularly hid away from the noise and the stress of the city for a few days. They had settled down on the sofa together, Kerry lying on his back, his head on V’s lap, Nibbles dozing by his feet. V was running his fingers through Kerry’s hair absentmindedly as they’d been watching a new show on TV. It didn’t turn out to be as good as they’d hoped for though, so at this point it had devolved into background noise to their conversation.

“Where? And what?” V asked, and Kerry gestured across the left side of his chest.

“To compliment the one on the right, kinda,” he said, “But I’m not sure if I’d wanna to go for a traditional design, too, or something else.”

“Well, you have a traditional and a neotraditional sleeve each,” V said, “Could go with something neo for that side?”

Kerry hummed.

“Good point…” he said, “Ooor… something a bit smaller first maybe? After all, I have some space left here.”

He lifted his left arm, twisted his wrist around.

“But I’m even more clueless about that. I guess it’s really just an itch still that might pass…”

“I know the feeling,” V chuckled. After a short pause he asked, “Any tats that you ever regretted getting?”

“Actually… no,” Kerry said surprisingly fast, “I’ve lived long enough to collect all sorts of regrets, but that’s thankfully none of them. Although, this part here…” – he pointed to the crook of his left arm – “That was a fucking bitch to endure. No machine, the ink literally hammered in by hand, for hours. The. Fucking. Worst.”

V chuckled.

“It’s fucking preem-looking though,” he said.

“Beauty knows no pain or what?” Kerry snorted.

“No, not that even,” V said, “More like… it’s worth it to endure the pain sometimes, for the outcome?”

Kerry hummed approvingly, smiling up at V.

“That’s pretty much the tradition. One of the many at least, a coming-of-age ritual. You’re old enough to endure this pain, you’re old enough to endure all other pain life might be throwing at ya at a certain point.”

“I keep learning new things with you,” V smiled.

Kerry shuffled around, then sat up and stretched before scooching a little closer to V again, putting his left arm around him. V’s heart did a silly little bounce in his chest, causing the voice in his head (that sometimes still eerily sounded like Johnny) to say, “What are you, twelve?”. But simultaneously he hoped these little things his body did would never stop happening, no matter how many months… no, years, they’d be getting together. Positive thinking, he needed to remind himself.

“Okay, that was my answer to the regrets-game for today,” Kerry said, “Your turn: what’s the decision you’ve made that you regret the most, looking back?”

“Shit… lemme think a moment,” V sighed, slumping against the backrest and into Kerry’s embrace.

A few things came to mind immediately. Not leaving his abusive home sooner, as a teen… but then he might not have ever met Jackie. Everything would have gone down completely different. Letting Jenkins rope him into working for Arasaka, after thinking he’d left that world behind for good? But he’d be so much more clueless, maybe even careless about how to survive in this corporate-controlled world. He’d be a lot worse at what he was doing now… if he’d ever even gotten this far without what he learned during his time at Counterintel. Maybe one of his many failed past relationships – but he could think of at least one reason for each of them that had let him grow as a person or learn something integral about what he wanted and needed in a long-term partner. The closest he came to almost picking as his biggest regret so far was not taking Evelyn’s offer of screwing over Dex – but at the time there was no way for him to have known how this would all play out. In hindsight, Evelyn hadn’t been telling him the full truth, so his intuition hadn’t failed him completely. If he could change one thing, he would have wished for Jackie not to die that day. But by now he had accepted that it had never been in his power, it hadn’t been his fault… a hard thing to unlearn, blaming himself. Had Jackie not died though – and for a moment he hated himself for the thought – the Relic would have gone to Brigitte. Had Jackie not got hit by that bullet, V’d likely never heard of Johnny Silverhand or SAMURAI besides the occasional radio show…

“Can I be super cringe for a moment?” he eventually asked, turning his head to a snickering Kerry.

“You’ve let me get away with so much cringe already, only fair if I return the favor,” he said.

V took a deep breath, looking down on his hands for a moment, circling his personal link port with his right thumb. Then he blinked back up at Kerry.

“I don’t regret any of my decisions, even the bad ones,” he said, “Because if the summary of all my bad decision means I’m ending up here with you, in this moment… I’d gladly make all the same mistakes again.”

Kerry stared at him, not wide-eyed or anything, but intensely. The tiniest noise escaped his mouth, less than a sigh, but he said nothing. Then, very slowly, his lips curled into a smile. V half expected a snarky remark, but instead Kerry pulled him a little closer and with his free hand took V’s, calloused fingers intertwining with his. He looked away for a moment, and V tried to read his expression, scanning for any hints to give him at least an idea of what was going through his head, if he’d overstepped, said something wrong…

“It’s weird…” Kerry then quietly said, looking at him again, eyes glistening slightly, almost sad, but not quite, “… how you keep managing to put into words what I can’t seem to. God knows I’ve fucked up along the way, over and over again. But if any of that hadn’t happened, who knows if we’d ever even met.”

V smiled, sighing with relief. Kerry leaned over, resting his head on V’s shoulder.

“I know, it’s still scary to think of the future, to plan ahead too far,” he said quietly, “But no matter what happens tomorrow, or in a week, a month, a year… I hope you know that you’re gonna be stuck with me. I… hope you know that… that I love you.”

V couldn’t suppress a gasp, to his own surprise. Kerry still held his hand, his other arm loosely around his waist, when he shifted again to see his face. He looked concerned almost, questioning, worried, but trying to keep up his smile, lips shaking a little. He sat up a bit further, inching away just slightly, and V realized how he’d just been staring at him in shock for the last few moments of silence.

“I… uh, I mean,” Kerry mumbled, voice almost turning frantic now, as if he’d also just realized what he’d said.

V’s hand shot up to grab Kerry’s face, to pull him back, to reassure him. Before he really knew what he was doing he pressed his lips on his, kissed him over and over again, held him close, did not ever want to let him go.

“I love you, too,” he gasped between urgent kisses, and simultaneously it was as if he was able to breathe freely again, for the first time in a long time, “So much. I love you so much.”

“Vince,” Kerry panted, and only with some mild force managed to get him to stop for a moment. V realized how much he was shaking first, and then that he was crying, for some reason. The last time he’d cried was the night he’d stumbled out of Arasaka Tower, more dead than alive. Shit, why now?

“It’s all good, you gonk,” Kerry said softly, cupping his face, wiping his tears away. The same way he’d done that awful, awful night.

“It’s all good,” Kerry repeated, then put his arms back around him, pulling him in, and they just sat there, holding each other, reassuring each other, gently swaying, for minutes that seemed to last hours, until V had calmed down again. Nibbles was quietly snoring, the TV babbling endlessly on low volume, and soft rain pattered against the large windows, Night City’s millions of lights a distant, colourful blur.

“Fuck, I was so scared for a moment that I’d ruined it all…” Kerry eventually said, and V laughed weakly, nose stuffy and throat still tight.

“You were scared? I was scared shitless to say it too soon, or in the wrong moment… I kept almost slipping up… just saying that out loud now, how stupid.”

“Well, you’re welcome then,” Kerry chuckled, “And I was wondering if I was imagining things or if you really just tried your hardest not to say it.”

“We’re both fucking gonks…” V concluded, and Kerry laughed. They slowly moved apart just enough to be able to look at the other again, still holding on.

“Perfect match then, hm?” Kerry smiled with his head slightly tilted, his gorgeous eyes glittering in the lights of the city, “Now we just have to start being less scared of making bad decisions.”

V smiled back at Kerry, vowing to make sure to tell him just how much he loved him at every opportunity from now on.

“Yes,” he said, “To bad decisions.”

“To bad decisions!”

#cyberpunk 2077 #kerry eurodyne x v #cyberpunk 2077 fanfiction #cyberpunk 2077 fanfic #kerry eurodyne #male v cyberpunk #otp: to bad decisions #vincent ezaki #my writing #this story is basically just why I even decided on that ship name for them #it's also the steam achievement's name for completing Kerry's story but it also fits them together with their background so well I think #I dont remember when I've last written so much for just one character/ pairing as over the course of the last week #I'm having such a creative blast rn xD #just gotta gather the courage to start posting that V & Jackie thing that has like 5 chapters already >.>

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