Someone: What's your sexuality?

Me: well you see, I never had a serious crush on anyone. Also, I had trouble understanding what a crush even was for most of my life. Also, I identified as aroallo for a while because I thought I was aro but not ace, but now I think I'm ace too. Also, fictional crushes. Also, I enjoy learning and reading/sometimes even writing about kink but have no idea if I would be comfortable actually participating on it. Also, some days I'm perfectly happy like this but other days are still confusing and shitty because it's all still new to me. Also-

zolu is maybe one of the easiest ships i've ever liked. they're dating, except when they're not, they're best friends even when they're kissing and they're still captain and first mate when they aren't. they hold hands, they hug. they have sex. they don't.

Luffy can hold Zoro's katanas and Zoro can hold Luffy's strawhat and no one bats an eye. one says "You're so cool!" and the other says "You're strong" and it's just another way to say "I see you, this is why I follow you/this is why I trust you". it's not seeing each other for a long time and still knowing how the other's steps sound like against wood and sand. the captain runs and the first mate follows. it's always "Zoro and the others" and "Where's Luffy?"

if they're just friends, if they're something more, if they don't have a label for it, at its core, it's just about how they get each other. they understand how the other's mind works. however you view them, it doesn't erase they fact that they love each other in a way they don't love other people.

the thing about queer exclusionism besides being blatantly hypocrytic is that it treats being opressed and discriminated as something meriting authority within the community. "youre not opressed so you cant be part of our community" who are you to decide what counts as opression? how can you judge an experience you havent lived? queerness has so many levels and intersections with other factors that you will never be able to completely santise it to your liking. there will always be people and labels that you dont understand and distinctions you think are futile in the grand scheme of things, but you have to learn to be civil towards them, you have to learn about intersectionality. you cant decide who is "opressed enough" opression doesnt have levels, its not something you can rate, its something you fight against and thats it. if you want to defeat opression, you cant use it as a unit of measurement.

It's hard being a messenger, every once in a while you gotta rest.

So, after a while I finally finished part 1 of the Spearmaster Collection: The Eepies!

Credits are under the cut! If I got a credit wrong please let me know. Also, don't see your Spears? Worry not, its logged for a different part of the Spearmaster Collection (otherwise I'd have about 80 odd spears to draw and my hands would cry and i wanted to let everyone's spear get more attention in the drawing :] )

In no particular order: @i-likegamesbut-cant-playthem, @psystirene, @azrielfiend, @kakajoju, @emmetofthestars, @whippiekippy, @ardienothesieno, @sillycryptid, @pookapufferfish, @mothlight-hours, @verdeltiathedead, @rainworld-rivulet (hiiii friend), @nandemonaiwow, @kakyogay, @faelingdraws, @chillysaint, @jpegthedogthing, @fauxbia, @kedakirahei, @shark-bytee, @booksofstars, @stargazer0001

Thank you all for submitting your spears! Ik some designs are a bit outdated, I hope this was still worth it anyway <3

you go to a lesbian blog and find it says women only!! no men allowed!!! and go oh! excuse me, um, what about other lesbians? plenty of lesbians are genderqueer... and they go well, okay, go fuck yourself tim chop off your sweaty dick and stop calling yourself a lesbian. you do not have a dick, actually. you think about that fact often, even though it does you no good. you do not tell this person that.

you go to another lesbian blog and it says women only and you try again, and this time they change it to wlw + nblw only (non-men who love non-men :D). and you'll say hey i appreciate that but gender's not really that cut and dry for a lot of people. someone could be both a man and nonbinary, for instance. i just worry that you're looking at nonbinary as a generic third gender, or an extension of womanhood. i mean yeah you include nblw in your tags but all your posts are about pussy-havers exclusively. what's with that? and they say go fuck yourself you pervy man pretending to be a lesbian. you tried to sneak in but i won't let you.

so you go to a lesbian blog with a dozen or so posts about queer people needing to be more weird about it and you sigh in relief. but you still see the men dni. that's odd. hoping for the best, you say hey! i know you mean well but please maybe don't put men dni at the end of the lovely posts on your lesbian blog bc some lesbians are men. and they'll be like ok!! well you're allowed ;) and you say no that's not. no. some men are lesbians not just me. you think about your own dicklessness and wonder if that's why you were given entry. and you add that even if male lesbians are allowed, there's no indication of that. how would anyone know without asking? and they're like ohh gotcha gotcha well men dni + this is for sapphics only!! and you'll be like ok well that treats the concepts of men and sapphics as mutually exclusive identities and i just told you that's not true and you agreed with me so.. i don't think that solves our problem. and they're like. ok. fine. men dni but genderfluid and multigender people are allowed! and you're like no see that's. that's still the same thing.. you're saying the same thing just with different words. if you don't want men to interact but you're fine with multigender/genderfluid/etc ppl interacting then you either don't see them as Real Men (because they don't reach a standard of Full Manhood) or Complete Men (because they're only Part-Time Men), both of which suggest that they are, in some way, not men or less-than men, which is invalidating and defeats the point of the exception in the first place (accommodation) OR that you don't really mean the dni which is confusing and inconsistent and makes guydykes feel weird and uncomfortable and excluded from the lesbian space you're trying to cultivate. and they're like um. ok. so. cishet men dni? and you're like well i think that makes more sense, but what if someone identifies as both a cishet man and a sapphic? again, if we're trying to accommodate the genderfucky populace then that has to be a possibility that is considered. and they say god you people are never happy. what do you want me to do? what am i supposed to say to keep the right men out? and you pause. you empathize with the need for a space free from dudes trying to fuck you straight and feminine. dudes who watch lesbian porn and joke about what they'd do if they were allowed into girls locker rooms. who look at you like a piece of meat, and like someone who looks at women like pieces of meat in the same way he does. you get it. you know. you want a space where you can be sapphic, too. that's why you came to these blogs in the first place. you brace yourself and you say well i don't know that there are "right men" to keep out. i don't know that there's any single label that would accomplish whatever it is you're trying to accomplish. you could go for "sapphics only" or "queers only" and i think that might be the closest thing to what you want, but it's never going to be perfect. creating any exclusive space is going to shut out people you didn't account for, and the broader the label, the more people will be shut out that you didn't want to shut out. and what about people who don't know if they're allowed? what of questioning transbians, where are they supposed to go? and, frankly, i think i might rather my dykey posts get read and appreciated by a gay guy who sees me as a man than a woman who only sees me as a sacred womb, pure from male perversions or violence or whatever. i think community might just be more complex than a dni can handle. and they look at you and say i don't want to not have a dni. i think you're too permissive. you can't just "what about" or microlabel your way into everything. go fuck yourself, i bet you're not even a lesbian anyway. go find a real problem to get mad about.

you go to a lesbian blog. you ignore the men dni because you know you probably don't even count to them. or maybe you do count and, out of respect for your manhood, they'd shun you accordingly. you try to feel okay about that. you scroll past dozens of posts about mediocre men and gagging at straight friends' boyfriends and how gross and undeserving men are of the beautiful women they couple up with and how all women should be gay so they can get treated right and and and and and. you finally find a post about curling into someone you love and feeling at peace and try to lose yourself in it. you know that feeling is what unites you, what makes you belong. you try to focus on it. you think about carding your hands through a butch's hair or lacing fingers with a femme and feeling warm and loved and more yourself than you ever have before. like this is who you're meant to be. you read about lesboys and butch boytoys and genderfucky dykes and big hairy deep-voiced wonderful women (like you want to be someday, like you wish you could make yourself) and you try to ignore the men dni underneath each and every post. and you daydream about meeting someone kind and earnest at a lesbian bar even though you don't think any such bars exist within three states of you and you can't drink and don't want to drink because you need to be in control of yourself at all times so you don't fuck up like you're always about to and here in the nonexistent lesbian bar you feel wanted and safe and in good company. you picture your ideal, happiest self. it is a mistake. ideal-you has a goatee. not the mascara one you smear on and call drag even though you know it's not drag, not really, the beard you call drag because you think everyone would look at you sadly if you told them it was just to pretend you had something out of your reach. a beard that's soft and that you grew and that cannot be smudged away if you get too comfortable with it. the dream shatters. your people pull away from you, their scoffs mixing with the mind-numbing gay girl bedroom pop you learned to settle for just to have something that almost resembled you, they all pull away and turn their backs and do not look at you. you're too close to being a man now, even though you're the same amount of man as before. and they know you're not supposed to interact with men, not as you would with dykes, at least. and it sours. it's all your imagination, all in your head, but it sours.

you sigh. you think about how small you are. how short, how narrow, how feeble. how your voice pitches up when you talk to strangers because it's easier to speak quietly when it carries more, and because you're nervous. because it's a chore to talk, like everything is. you think about testosterone. you think about how your family would look at you, the questions they would ask, your answers they would only pretend to accept. the uncomfortable glances and whispered questions they'd try to hide from you. you think about how small you are, and how small you will always be. how you don't know of a way to fix it, but even if there was one, no one would want you anymore. you'd be the only one thinking it made you a cooler dyke. you think about how you don't even want a T-voice all the time, how you'll never be able to switch it at will, because you don't know how and can't bring yourself to figure it out. you think about how your throat closes around every hint of your own attraction. how wanting is perverse, how wanting is invasive, how wanting is embarrassing and too vulnerable so it must stay anonymous, as an online witness, and how you can barely manage to form or maintain friendships because your brain makes you pull away, always spinning out and struggling to recover from the simplest of interactions. how they'll all leave you and you won't chase after them at all and how that will hurt them. how stuck you get. how it looks like nothing's holding you back, how that frustrates everyone who thought you were going to be more than you were. the people you love who understand except when it comes to being ghosted, being shut out. how you don't want to hurt them. how you can't tell them that because you're stuck. how you turn to stone when touched, how you never reach out, how you lose your speech and can't look at people, how your autism is fun and sexy until it becomes real and you never see them anymore, how much you longed for someone who knew everything without you having to explain, and who loved you anyway. how unreasonable you know that is to expect of anyone. you think about that not-even-real lesbian bar. you think about how you still can't drive. how you can't leave your home on your own, without dragging somebody into helping you. how you can't leave your body. how you can't leave your manhood behind.

you think about finding another lesbian blog and ignoring everything. about skimming it for the parts you can juice some meaning from. the parts men ignore and don't understand, and how typical of you it is to do so. or the parts where you're not welcome and you should accept that, because it's for lesbians only. how you are a lesbian anyway. how you're meant to choose lesbian or man, how each is a betrayal of some kind to yourself or your people, your family, your lovely strangers, your rare friendly acquaintances. about the parts that tell you you're not wanted, that you're ugly and lazy and gross and insert yourself everywhere without even asking. about the parts that tell you you are hated, and how lesbians are above it all by rejecting men. how lesbians are each blessed miracles. about the parts that say you should be ashamed of being whatever twisted confused freak you are, of everything, of looking and wanting or not looking or not wanting, of picking and choosing instead of taking it all in with a smile. after all, shouldn't you take it? or is your ego too fragile, as men's so often are? aren't you tired? good. we're not here for your consumption. and we sure as hell don't want your company or "community" or whatever. didn't you read the sign? no boys allowed. and if you want to come in you have to make up your mind. as if you haven't told them the only answer you have. you're both. you're both.

you know you broke the rule by interacting.

but it gets lonely sometimes. you wonder if they know.

As nice and fun it is to have a brand new console, there is kinda a certain feeling to getting a used and well-loved secondhand console instead. Cleaning off the dirt and checking out all the scratches and misplaced parts . Was once apart of someone else’s life and is now mine 2 keep, what an honor

how do other ppl get over the shame of connecting w a lot of different labels when it comes to mental health/neurodivergence.. -_-

okay sorry for having opinions on sonic shipping but . the more popular a ship is the more likely i am to be annoyed by it so its probably for the best that my favorite ship is one of the not as popular ones . but also the way sonknux gets talked about (or not talked about) as a result of it being less popular drives me up the wall . what do you mean it doesnt make sense. hes literally not staring at the moon and thinking about him💔

I don't know what's happened to media literacy lately but sometimes villains are just bad sometimes they do irredeemable things but that does not mean the creator of said character condones those irredeemable actions

they are the villain you're not always supposed to agree with them or their actions

Labels are colors and yet we turn them into boxes, then we try to stack those boxes on top of each other.

Colors are celebrated and mixed in together in all different shades. Lines are expectations and regulations, which are then put in particular ways with particular sizes and only one shape.

Stacking those boxes is pecarious. Some get crushed. Most topple over.

They are colors. Labels are our colors. Why can't we celebrate that we cannot take humanity out of the diversity, no matter how much we try to take diversity out of humanity? (I hope I phrased that right)

i love following lesbians and reading whatever they have to say. i love you lesbians. you make my life 10 times brighter. you can't see me but i'm kissing your foreheads now. as a treat.

There's something else about Roman I've always noticed. Well, twice in Season 3. In episode 2 he says ironically the siblings are 20 something transgender dreamers, as in "we're obviously older cisgender non-dreamers", not touching upon their sexualities, and in episode 6 he says to Shiv when they arrive in the ultraconservative political conference that she'll soon get "white cis male stank all over you", not mentioning sexuality either. Like, if at least HE is present, gayness is assured, that's how I've always read it lol

yeah! i don’t think it’s, like, proof of anything like in my mind it’s less that gayness is assured if he’s there and more that jesse is deliberately leaving that part open-ended for all the siblings given that thus far all of them (barring connor i think) have had some pretty questionable same-sex interactions/other certain implications i must say. like idk i definitely don’t think roman would refer to himself as gay right now or maybe ever — i don’t think he’d refer to himself as any sexuality bc he doesn’t even know what’s going there, and until he undergoes a fuckton of therapy and unimaginable healing, i don’t think he’ll get there. personally i’m less in the gay roman camp than the ??????????roman camp like i honestly don’t think this man feels sexual attraction to people, but i don’t quite think he’s asexual either. i think he does feel sexual desire but not for specific people, more just generally or in relation to a power dynamic or a feeling more than anything else. but i do not think he ever looks at someone and goes “whew. they’re hot.” — i think he’s trained himself to bc he knows he’s supposed to, but innate attraction is something he’s never been able to comprehend. he’s never attracted to people so much as he is the relationship they have with him or the way that they view him. i think a lot of it depends too on whether you think he’s a victim of CSA or not which personally is a coin flip for me tbh — definitely possible, but i don’t think it’s the only explanation. he’s definitely too traumatized for intimacy but i don’t think that trauma necessarily has to be CSA, bc a lot of the shit we canonically know ab his childhood really adds up with his behavior in the present

sorry this got way outta control lol just thinking thoughts living life xx

People who care about being a "good and proper [xyz]" and make posts about how if you dont do [lmnop], youre not a TRUE [xyz] are literally wild to me LOL

Imagine putting a litmus test on dumb as shit labels...couldn't be me. Nobody actually cares irl i hope you know this

anon who asked about chasind headcanons, i am not ignoring you, that is actually step 3 of my current project:

gather all chasind lore in existence

organise it into something coherent

fill in the gaps

unfortunately i have been on step 1 for about 2 weeks and it is currently a 130 page document and will still take a while to finish

but i am getting there!!! and i have formed many headcanons in the process about all kinds of things

The fact that people go around accepting what would otherwise be considered unacceptable behavior on the sole basis that they're afraid to be labeled discriminatory is bizarre to me. Like im sorry but anybody can be a bad person. A trans women who is actively insulting and making fun of women as a whole isn't excused from that behavior just because they're trans. Do you get that?