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ashthemadwriter-archived · 2 years

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You really are a bitch,you know that?

Fandom:Bungou Stray Dogs

Pairings:Akutagawa x Fem!Reader

Genre:Comedy

Format:One Shot

Warnings:Cursing

A/n: ok ok you know that ive only done requests since i first started posting on tumblr,but i needed to do this for myself! i mean bruh i really wanted to do it if it was possible LOL

anyway the reader is not part of the mafia,but shes Gins bestfriend and she has a huge crush on Akutagawa,and Gin is aware of that.(Akutagawa hasnt met the reader,but the reader has seen him for several times and shes obsessed with him lol)

Gin has told the reader that theres a girl in the mafia that has a crush on his brother too,and then she showed her Higuchis picture,and that how the reader knows her.

so once that the reader comes to Gins house (Akutagawas not there) Gin tells her that Higuchis is comming to give her some kinda envelope crao from work.so when the doorbell rings,the reader gets an evil idea to annoy Higuchi.

ok here we go...

"omg i just wanna marry him! isnt he just perfect? ＞︿ <

"Ugh shut up!just stop fucking fangirling over my brother,you idiot" Gin sighed and throw her pillow a you.you were driving her crazy with your huge,stupid crush on her brother.it was even worst than Higuchi!

Honestly,it was weird to her how her brother was so attractive to her female friends!

y/n pretended to wipe her tears of joy while she was holding Akutagawas picture. "just look at him already! god i cant believe you get to see him 24/7! being able to see this beautiful,amazing creature all day long...just,god!"

"ok first of all i dont get to see my brother 24/7 ! were both stuck with work! and second of all,im his sister for gods sake! he seems normal to me"

"what! so whenever you see him you dont want to just rip his damn coat off and ask him to fuck the shit out of you? "

"omg what he fuck!? hes my brother you dumbass! thats so fucking gross!" Gin wanted to hit her friend with anoher pillow again,but the sound of her ringtone didnt let her to. taking a glance at her phone, she grabbed it and looked at y/n with an confused look. "its Higuchi"

"that bitch! what does she want?"

"ill tell you when i answer her call"

"put it on the speaker mode!"

Gin waited for a few seconds,then she answered her colleagues phone call while looking at y/n's concentrated,pissed reaction as she heard Higuchis voice.

"Hi Gin! how are you?"

Gin mumbled and smiled "im fine i guess,how are you?"

then she nearly screamed,cause y/n was pinching her.

Higuchis voice sounded kinda shocked. "what happended? are you ok Gin?"

"i-im fine! my stupid dog just bit me!" Gin said,while slowly punching y/n with an irritated face.

"you have a dog?"

"what do you want Higuchi? im kinda in a rush"

"ok ok.um,boss told to delivere you an envelope that contains details about your next mission...?"

"oh the envelope! yes i was expecting it! im at home right now,lemme send you the address"

"omg Akutagawa senpais addre- i mean,yes,thank you" Higuchi said,before hanging up and leaving the two girls alone.

y/n got off the bed and started shouting at Gin with an angry look in her face. "what is wrong with you? you wanna give him the address so shell come here too see Ryuunosuke whenever she feels like it?"

"excuse me but im not gonna let your stupid fantasies interrupt my work.also,dont worry!my brothers not easy at all"

"what fantasies? and what of she seduces-" suddenly she stopped talking,because she just had the most amazing idea. based on what she heard from Gin,Higuchi wouldnt tell anything about it to Akutagawa,so it was gonna be awesome!

looking back at her friend, y/n strated talking while trying to hide her devilish smile,but Gin was able to see it. "you know what? send her the address and tell her to come here quickly"

"whats on your mind,you crazy weirdo? i dont like the look on your face."

"just do what im telling you to,and everything will be fine"

Gin wasnt really positive about it,but since it was for her work she couldnt really do anything.She sighed and started texting Higuchi the address as she took a glance at her friend and her happy reaction.

"just god help us"

***

the two girls were talking when the doorbell rang.

"i got it! i got it! " y/n almost flied at the door,and before she open it,she started taking her clothes off.

"hey! what are y-" "shhhh! dont let her know youre here" y/n said,while covering her body with a white blanket.she then took a deep breath, and opened the door.

"hiiiii Gin i-"

Higuchi immediatelly froze.seeing an strange,naked girl in her senpais house...could it be that...?

"um,hi,is Gin here?"

"hi.Gin left a while ago.just Ryuu and i are here" y/n said as she smiled at the blonde girls shocked reaction. "do you have something to do with my sister in law?"

"well i-...w-what?sister...in law?..."

"hehe..not officially...but kinda.Ryuu and i dont want others to know yet,but since you seem kinda close to Gin,i dont think its neccesary to keep it from you"

"Ryuu?...Akutagawa senpai?! youre..."

"his wife-to be" y/n just couldnt stop smiling.it was fun!really fun!

"but- how- when- what?how can it be-" "so you wanna delivere her this envelope,right? ill give it to her! i kinda have to go,cause as it looks,Ryuunosuke and i are in the middle of something,you know...hehe. thank you for stopping by!" y/n said,before snapping the envelope out of Higuchis hands,closing the door on her shocked face.

Gin on the otherhand,was even more shocked than Higuchi.she closed her mouth (which was open wide from surprise) and came toward her friend. "you really are a bitch,you know that?"

the young girl gave Gin a smile which was huge because of the victory she had just earned,and held the blanket tightly.

"i know,but im also gonna be Mrs. Akutagawa"

ok ok imagine that it was Akutagawa behind the door instead of Higuchi.he'll be like, bruh what the fuck? and you'll be like, i swear im not a lesbian lmao XDDDD

anyway i know it sucks,but still hope you like it :)

-Ash

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hard--mode · 3 years

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Here's the notes for everything that would happen up until the end of the story.... as far as I had it figured out. You'll notice things are a lot less fleshed out the later things go. That's a big reason why this never got finished. the longer I tried to keep the thing running, the more I realized I never had any idea what I wanted to actually DO with this story which made it pretty hard for me to keep up. it's hard to write a story you're trying to take seriously if all you really have are jokes, it turns out.

I haven't reread any of this or edited it at all so who knows what kind of notes I might have written in between things haha

P: so as i was saying about undyne-

C: who’s undyne?

Everyone freezes. Chara just walked right up to papyrus without being noticed. Paps freaks out for a sec before he pulls sans into a huddle. Chara frowns and tries to peek around.

~Montage of papyrus’s excitement and harder puzzles, death montage

~Junior jumble: its sudoku now

Chara’s doing puzzles and sees flowey spying. They shout him over

C: HEY! still following me, loser? Don’t you have anything better to do? (but they smile)

F: somebody’s gotta make sure you don’t get killed too much out here

Flowey pops up closer to them

C: nah, I’m fine! I’ve got that reset power!

F: not for long considering how much you use it (mumbles. Rolls eyes??) (some depiction of chara dying a lot in the bg)

C: by the way…. In the ruins you were telling me to use it… care to tell me more about it since you seem to know so much?

F: I-... uh… well you already know the most of it. It just resets you back to your last SAVE point like nothing happened. Only beings with a powerful SOUL can use it, so monsters with their weak souls can’t.

Chara stops their puzzle work and sits to even the heights: Can flowers?

F: what the heck are you-... oh, no no no. I’m different.

C: so you have the power too.

F: No! I mean-, i used to before you came around. Yeah.

C: so you’ve done resets. (urging him on)

F: yep.

Chara waits a while: ...thats all you have to say?

F: yep

Travel scenes from here on out depict chara and flowey together

Gauntlet:

Flowey remarks that he doesn't remember a save point being before it. Chara goes along and gets paps’ bit. He does to activate it

C: wait this isn't for real right? U can't be srs!!!

P: yeah I am, this is hard mode!

Just show chara repeatedly spawning at the save and running back in with flowey watching them

Then cut to the end chara on the other side of it panting and exhausted, papyrus shocked but also beaming

P: wow you did it!! I'm so proud of u human! I didn’t think you would actually be able to get through it--- I mean- drat! Foiled again! I'll get u one of these times!

Papyrus runs off and Chara watches him with a look of wonder in their eyes.

F: don’t get too excited. his pride is cheap, he’s proud of everyone and every thing

Chara grumbles and marches forward: whatever. I don’t hear you saying you’re proud of me, so why do I have to listen to what you have to say

F: You know, you’re gonna have to fight him soon. Didn’t sans say so? What are you going to do then, die over and over until you give up or are you going to try to murder him just like you did with Toriel? :)

C: I am not! I’m gonna talk him out of it and go right past him like everyone else. Who knows! Maybe he won’t even fight me because he’s that cool. Even if he does, he’s probably a wimp anyways.

F: I wouldn’t be so sure! I bet you don’t stand a chance.

C: shut up! Quit following me if you’re gonna be this useless.

Paps fight

As papyrus carries their body to the shed to rest. Opens on their vision returning and they see their hands hanging toward the ground.

C: why didn’t you kill me? You’re stronger than everyone else, you could easily do it. Why dont you finish me off so everyone can leave or whatever it is you need me to do? Why did you hold back?

P: OH! YOU’RE AWAKE!

C: you held back…

P: OF COURSE i DID! I COULD NEVER KILL YOU, YOU’RE MY-- I HOPE I’M NOT BEING TOO FORWARD, BUT I LIKE TO THINK OF YOU AS MY FRIEND! AND EVEN THOUGH WE DO NEED YOUR SOUL, YOU DESERVE A FIGHTING CHANCE TO DO… WHATEVER IT IS YOU’RE TRYING TO DO.

Chara is too shocked and confused by the sentiment: I don’t… I don’t understand?

P: WHAT’S SO HARD TO UNDERSTAND ABOUT A FRIEND NOT KILLING YOU? HUMANS ARE SO STRANGE ...OH! I SEE NOW! THE REASON WHY YOU CARRY YOUR KNIFE LIKE THAT. IT’S BECAUSE YOU’RE MORE AFRAID OF US MONSTERS THAN WE COULD EVER BE OF YOU!

He sets them down in the shed on the dog bed.

P: I’M SORRY, HUMAN! I WOULD HAVE GIVEN YOU MORE WARNING IF I HAD KNOWN HOW YOU FELT.

C: then… does that mean you’re going to let me go?

P: ABSOLUTELY NOT! I ALREADY CALLED UNDYNE TO MEET ME SO SHE CAN TAKE YOU! AND YOU NEED TO REST NOW AFTER ALL THAT!

C: !! I-I don’t know who Undyne is, but I can’t do that. I’m in a hurry to get out of here.

P: HMM… IF YOU’RE IN A HURRY THEN… NO, NO YOU CAN’T! WE NEED YOUR SOUL, I CAN’T JUST LET YOU LEAVE. UNDYNE’S REALLY COOL TOO, YOU’LL LIKE HER!

C: No, I have to go.

P: AGH, WELL… I SUPPOSE IF YOU CAN GET PAST ME BEFORE I CAN CATCH YOU, THERE’S NOTHING I CAN DO. BUT I WON’T GO EASY ON YOU!

Cut to chara walking toward waterfall, papyrus calling after them to come back and hang out sometime. They keep walking and mutter to themself: Sorry, but I’ll get out of here before that ever happens.

WATERFALL

They see monster kid and side eye sans as they charge in, hurriedly.

Chara keeps flowey around and asks him to read the words for him. FLowey says it’s not important at all to anything they’re doing. It’s just monster history junk that means nothing if chara’s trying to leave. Chara’s like shut up cmon help me out maybe there's clues. FLowey reads some history stuff in waterfall treating it like shit they already know

F: why do you care about all this garbage anyway?

C: I dunno, I guess it just sounds familiar. Like a story I heard a long time ago.

Chara stops suddenly and checks their phone. Flowey asks what’s up

C: i thought it rang… you didn’t hear-

The phone starts ringing. Papyrus is cheerfully on the other end and they walk and talk.

He tells them about how he heard so many horrible things about humans and the surface but chara was much nicer than he ever expected. Chara asks where he heard that and he says a flower told him. Chara covers the receiver and looks around for flowey, suspicions of him raised.

Montage w monster kid and umbrella

Chara falls from undyne’s spear attack and wakes up in the trash with flowey over them.

F: hey, wake up. I can tell you’re not dead so hurry up and get moving.

Chara’s kind of bummed: she killed me four times back there. And it wasn’t even a fight. I couldn’t talk her down or… i couldn’t even talk to her, I could barely see her.

F: what, are you giving up or something? You know she can kill you as much as she wants and you aren’t gonna die.

C: I know that! I know this is just like a game where you can keep on going but… it hurts. And it’s exhausting.

F: what will you do then? Sit here in this trash and do nothing?

C: *sigh* no. I’m just feeling down in the dumps.

They smile and get up.

As they’re walking out, they hear a click and someone to tell them to “hold it”

Mad dummys behind them and she just has a gun. Pointed directly at chara. She starts on her thing about the cousin and then blook saves the day.

Chara meets up with blook again. They go to where the snail races used to be. It’s all busted and unused

C: what’s this supposed to be…?

B: oh…. this used to be a snail farm…. And this was a race course…. For snails…. But a long time ago people started to call the races “insensitive” so we had to close them…. Sorry you can’t have any fun racing snails…

C: why was it insensitive…?

B: ...i’d… rather not talk about it………..

Timeskip

C: hey flowey! What’s up with this place and snails?

F:...i wouldnt know.

montage

After waterfall where undyne says how many souls they have

C: flowey… if they have 6 human souls, that means 6 others fell down and died here, so…

F: what?

C: i just- i mean you were the first one i met-

F: no, no, no, ive never killed anyone. You’re the only human i’ve seen since i woke up

Chara relaxes: ok. So you dont know anything about them.

F: no. i heard some things from toriel, not much. It’s too late to try asking her, but she’s seen all of them. She was there at the beginning even.

C: the beginning?

F: you know…. When humans started falling down here and monsters started killing them.

Chara goes silent in thought: wait… how… long has this been going on? How old is toriel?

F: dunno

Chara after having a rough time: it’s hard, but no matter what happens i can just keep trying. I’ll make it out of this! You believe in me right, flowey?

F: no i think you should give up.

Page/chapter ends there. Next is chara going up to fight undyne.

Open on a riff on the “long ago” cutscene that chara cuts off by saying they already know this story

Undyne screams SHUT UP!!! I’m doing my HEROIC MONOLOGUE!! Whatever, I bet you haven’t heard the part about the King and Queen’s human child who died of illness and their other son who was killed by the humans when he tried to return their body to the surface?!

C: No I think I heard that one too? Why are you telling me all this anyways??

U: because this is an UNSKIPPABLE CUTSCENE!! NYAAAGGGHHHH!!!!!

Chara’s getting their ass beat and on low hp: I’ll die in a hit or two. But that’s fine because I’ll just start this over. I’ll start from… where was the last save point…

A vision of them with flowey. Their eyes go red and the flashback cuts in between shots of them running from undyne

F: I think you should give up

Ch: what… give up?? I thought you were on my side with all the telling me to keep going and-and the hanging out with me?!

F: as if you had any other choice but to keep going! We both know you don’t.

C: so you’ve just been following this whole time waiting for me to give up and die, huh?! Why, are you trying to steal my soul just like everybody else?!?

F: it doesn’t matter how hard you try, you’re going to die! And die and die and die! You can reset as much as you want, it won’t change that! So what if I am waiting for you to give up? You’re the last thing keeping monsters trapped down here. If you give up, you’ll give everyone what they want!

C: I thought you wanted to help me?! I thought you were my friend!

F: I would never be friends with a human! You’re all nothing but killing machines!

C: I haven’t killed anyone!

F: You killed Toriel! No number of resets can change what you did! You’re a horrible, disgusting human just like all the others and everyone would be happier if you were dead!

Flowey could say something about dying down here is better than their inevitable death on the surface. Their death would at least be worth something. Mean something

Chara escapes the fight, undyne collapses, and they walk away. they tell themselves they won’t give up. They don’t need help, especially not from that dumb flower. They’ll live to spite him and everyone else who tries to kill them

Chara goes in and meets alphys and overall is p meh abt it bc bad mood. Alphys helping them through the underground makes them talk to themselves about how they dont need flowey, they can do this themself. Friends are no good.

hotland is as normal. probably figure out some indication of things not right. make the game seem broken bc they arent supposed to get so far like this

Chara meets with sans at mtt resort for food reluctantly. Lets him say his piece. After he’s done threatening to kill them chara says to his face that they really don’t like him.

Need some hubbub about them having to kill asgore to get out. Theyll be like yeah I know that (somehow)... oh but I need a plan… how will i come up with a plan..

Flowey finally appears to chara again just before they get to new home and tries to talk them out of leaving. Disparaging the surface and telling them they could live happily down here. Chara says no, it’s too hard because people are constantly hunting them down and being the last soul, no ones going to stop that. He says that he’s sorry for the way he was before

Chara smiles back, and then looks away: What you said before… about.. My inevitable death on the surface…

F: that was… don’t worry about that.

C: are you afraid of it?

F: well- yeah, it’s a dangerous place. Everyone knows that.

C: I’ve died a lot more times down here than I ever did up there.

A beat

C: you go back and forth a lot between talking about how I should stay down here because it’s better… but also if I die down here… everyone gets to go free… to the horrible, awful surface.

F: uh,, did I say all that…? I may have contradicted myself a little… I guess… in the end I just wanted an excuse for you to stay around. I really don’t want you to die.

C: so you did see me as a friend after all?

F: well…you reminded me of someone who was my friend. I wish we could have been friends.

C: Do you think… If I reset back to the beginning and did this again, if I said the right things… we could have been?

F: No… You could be as nice to me or as mean to me as you want. No matter how many times you reset, some things never change.

C: ...Did you ever… have to reset because you killed someone?

F: ……….once… and then I never reset ever again. The power to reset… makes you do bad things. It’s wrong. I had to stop because i knew… I’d make someone really upset if I kept messing around.

C: well, in that case… I guess I’ll just have to get the rest of the way out of here without any resets!

Flowey smiles: I dunno, keep one or two under your belt. You’re a pretty big klutz.

C: Thanks for helping me out of here, flowey. Even if you just did it because you were begged.

Can you imagine a more paranoid flowey who is less interested in attacking you and regaining the reset ability, but is pleased af that you have the reset ability because that means you can't die, and instead he spends the entire game trying to convince you that humanity is hopeless. That there is nothing on the surface world returning to. That it's safer, down here.

he's part of the reason why things are so much harder

he's the one that starts the rumors about the dangers of teh surface world

there's a definite sense of paranoia all across the board

When they approach new home, flowey appears one last time and grabs chara by the hand, telling them not to go. They can live in the underground, they’ve made a lot of friends here. Chara says that they have to go, they’ll find a way to get out without killing asgore. Flowey says that he tried to stop them, this is as far as he’ll go. This is goodbye. They bid their farewells and chara goes along, but flowey secretly follows them, much less detectable than ever before. It’s revealed when he’s hiding with the flowers.

Chara walks up to new home, regarding it as a vaguely familiar sight. They walk down the many halls knowing exactly where to go. The monsters speak as they go through the motions. They find a cookbook in the kitchen with a page for snail pie missing. Chara mumbles about already knowing the story and that they should all shut up. They walk more quickly to stay ahead of them. Then one mentions the snail pie and chara stops dead in their tracks. No that’s not how it happened- they stop, and take back off.

They are stopped by sans in the judgement hall, glaring at him.

S: well I had a whole speech to give ya, but you look like you’re in a hurry. You’re a weird kid, but you’re fine. The king’s up ahead.

OTHER alternative: chara realizes something’s wrong and runs back to get everyone, probably threatening to kill asgore to convince them to come quickly. Sans is avoided due to the mob approaching behind them “I heard the word that you’re on your way to kill the king.” c: are you here to stop me? “Nah. But you’d better have a good plan to back yourself up, kid. King’s up ahead”

They run up to asgore, no nonsense. Some time is taken to progress things. As they leave the throne room, flowey watches from the flowers, chara looks back to confirm he’s there.

Asgore draws up the souls, the fight is about to engage, before he can smash “MERCY” chara yells: ASRIEL. Get the souls.

Everything stops. Flowey is behind them, stunned and confused. Chara turns and asks him what he’s waiting for. Hurry up and take the souls before everyone else gets here. Nearly every last monster is coming, if he can become godlike and absorb them, it will be enough strength to break the barrier.

Flowey is confused, how do they know that? Chara tells him he did it before. Doesn’t he remember? Doesn’t he remember them?

Either flowey does it and something happens, or flowey waits too long and chaos erupts which gets them killed, and then chara and flowey have to meet up and workshop.

Final fight:

He probably says some shit about frisk and how he cant lose frisk again, chara must insist that theyre not frisk. When they say their name is chara, he hesitates for only a moment. Finally, when chara’s pinned and about to seriously die…

C: you remember it now too, don’t you? It took me a while, I couldn’t remember a thing until i started hearing your name around. You’re an all powerful god now, you should be able to remember it all better than me

A: shut up.

C: would frisk want us to fight like this?! Would frisk want you to kill your own sibling?!

A: c-.... You’re… you’re really chara?

He lets them go

They reach the conclusion that frisk messed with everything and put them here with no memories so they could do something frisk could never do. Frisk thinks they deserve to live, no matter how much the two may disagree. They have to play along. Asriel is a god and can use his powers to break the barrier and bring EVERYONE back to life so they can live together happily.

go to final fight and everyones already there, things are very confused, flowey takes the souls and things glitch out (screen phases between bosses) and chara realizes this isnt how things are supposed to be, tells asriel theyre sorry for their baggage but he doesnt understand bc he isnt theirs, and then they gotta find frisk somehow

OR... they realize things in the speech and don't go to fight asgore bc theyre finding flowey... they feign fighting asgore and then suddenly tell flowey to take the souls("Asriel! get the souls!" and thats the first time they call him by name)...? i like that a bit better. they start going on about crazy shit that makes roided out flowey kind of lose it at them which leads to them apologizing to their own asriel but then realizing they need to find frisk

but HOW do they find frisk

The end shows chara asriel and frisk hugging eachother, all alive and well. Then the two are “processing…” and remember that oh, theyve done some dark messed up stuff.

#unsure what to tag this as lol #sorry if the readmore doesnt work for any reason

155 notes · View notes

nikrangdan · 3 years

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cafeworker!ni-ki

pairing: cafeworker!ni-ki x female reader

genre: fluff, comedy

description: the cashier at the new coffee shop was so adorable you just couldn’t resist visiting just for him

**did not proofread

————

contrary to popular belief, you were NOT a social person

whenever you were around friends and family, you were always the loudest person there

like SHUT UP Y/N!!!!!!

anyways although you were loud, people still enjoyed being around you because you had such a sweet soul and interesting humor

everyone close to you knew that you hated talking to people you didnt know

but to all the strangers? no

they would think you were an outgoing ready-to-meet-new-people extrovert

which was so, so wrong

but ALAS, you had to talk strangers almost everyday living in 2020

(well lets pretend we arent in the middle of a pandemic right now)

moving on......

so you were in high school at the downfall of your existence

you used to have so many friends when you were younger ..now you only have like 3

and those three were always busy (busy making up excuses thats for sure) so you never really hung out with them outside of school

and on one fine evening after school you decided to visit the new cafe 5 minutes from your house

u were really excited because all the cafes were 15 minutes from your house so now u could just walk to this one if u wanted to !!!

but yeah it was in the middle of a small plaza that had cute buildings

you pulled up to the parking lot and was just about to get out the car when u remembered..

u have to talk to the cashier :/

who’s a stranger! even more ://

it was always so weird to you.. whenever you went out you always had someone else order for you because you just hated talking to strangers

you just felt uncomfortable and you couldnt help it

its not like you have never ordered for yourself but you would always prefer not to

and now that you think about it

this is the first time you have gone out by yourself

you did text one of your friends beforehand but they said they “had homework to do”

LIES!!!!

but you really wanted to try the coffee so you just ran with it

time to face your fears!

you opened the glass door to reveal a cute looking cafe, like the ones you’d see in movies

you loved it already

glancing to the cashier you’d have to be talking to—

hold on

you had to do a double take because WOAH.....

the cashier...

he....

wow..

you have never seen a boy like that in your life

you stood there for like 3 seconds before coming to your senses and standing infront of the menu

that was infrONT OF HIM

“hi, what can i get for you?”

HIS VOICE OH MY GOD..!?!?!

“oh um.. can i get a second to .. look..?”

“yeah of course,” he gestured to the menu on the wall above him

hes so nice u almost cried

your eyes shakily traveled up to the chalkboard menu and u began to ‘read’ the options

its like u could feel his eyes on u WTF!!!!

um um um *internally keyboard smashes*

you couldnt even think

the words on the menu were like gibberish

the ONE time u go out by yourself

this had to happen.. of course! someone had it out for you, you were sure of it >:(

picking a random drink you gave him your order

“uh can i have an iced caramel macchiato?”

ITS LIKE YOU CANT SAY A SENTENCE WITHOUT UH OR UM

u cant help but think hes judging you

he looks like that while u are standing there in old sweatpants your dads tshirt

“sure, what size?” he looks into your eyes after putting your order into the machine

god you felt your heart stop

his Eyes..... theyre so beautiful

“oh um regular” you attempted to give a small smile

hopefully it looked like one

“okay that’ll be $5.12.”

you dug out some cash from your bag and handed it to him

he gave u your change and gave u a small smile

“your drink will be out in a minute”

AAAAA

he went :)

he is so CUTE.....?!?!

he looked around your age too

sigh... you knew he was way out of your league though

you were gushing over him but he probably thought you were just another boring customer

while waiting u sat at one of the 2 person tables on your phone

and u IMMEDIATELY went to text your groupchat

‘GUYS’

‘AT THE CAFE NEAR MY HOUSE’

‘CUTEST BOY IVE EVER SEEN EVER IN MY ENTIRE LIFE’

‘WTF IM GONNA CRY HOW DOES HE EXIST’

‘WAIT BRB HE S COMIBBG’

you tried to quickly put your phone down without looking suspicious when you saw him walking towards you with a drink in his hand

“here you go, enjoy” he said before swiftly making his way back to the counter and talking to the other worker there

wow... hes so mesmerizing

you’d steal glances at him every now and then while taking sips of your drink

you were sitting there for like 20 minutes before you noticed you finished your drink

you totally forgot you came here to see how good their coffee was

it was good by the way

sadly it was your time to leave

taking one last glance at him, you threw away your empty cup and walked out the door

wow

u cant believe you got to witness the most beautiful human being ever

in your small town?? crazy

you were sitting in your car just thinking

WAIT

U DIDNT EVEN KNOW HIS NAME!

you mentally punched yourself but then you started laughing

what does knowing his name even matter, its not like u were ever going to talk to him anyway

LOL

*sad emoji*

but the coffee was good so you definitely planned to go back

and not just because of the cute boy

...unless....

*time skip*

the next day you went there was a week later at the same time in hopes that he was working the same shift

AND HE WAS!!!!

score! 1 for y/n, 0 for umm... any other person who had a crush on him too i guess

the cafe didnt have too many people since it was fairly new and also in a small part of the city

so when you went in, you were the only one there along with the two workers

“welcome, what would you like to order?”

NOT THIS AGAIN

he looked even cuter today

his messy blond hair almost covered his eyes

you shouldve forced your friend to come with you this time

you ordered the same thing as last time but this time he asked for your name

hmmm

“um y/n” you answered

your heart was always beating 2 times as fast whenever you had to talk to him

he wrote it down on the cup and after you paid, you went to sit down at the same spot as last time

looking at him is literally the highlight of your day

the same thing happened as last time, he came over and gave you your drink without giving u a second glance

>:((((

boooo look at me cute boy

nonetheless u continued going to the cafe at the same time as much as u could which was like three times a week

literally over a month later and u dont think anythings going to happen

u punch yourself for thinking the boy would somehow find interest in you

hes still indifferent to you which isn’t surprising since you’ve never made any kind of move

ever

but

he should know u by now

hopefully..

*time skip again*

it was a saturday

at this point you’ve basically given up on having a crush on him and now since its become a routine u just say you go for the coffee

not really paying attention to your surroundings you dont notice that the boy at the cash register isnt the normal one you see almost everyday

“hey, what would you like to order?”

woah WHAT

you look up from your bag to notice a boy that was definitely not the one that normally stood infront of it at this time

and you also noticed something on this new cashier

a name tag

how come your old little crush didnt have one????

this new boys name was ‘jay’ and he was fairly cute too

looking around the corner at the other worker u noticed he has a name tag too

you recognized him because he was always working when the cute boy was at the cash register

his name was ‘heeseung’

after taking in these new additions you answered to jay

“oh um.. can i ge-,”

“she gets an iced caramel macchiato. her name is y/n”

??!<_|#%[>~€\£~

you whipped your head around so fast to see who said that behind you

was it who you thought it was ??!??!

YES IT WAS!!!!

OH MYGOD

ITS HIM

you widened your eyes at the boy who wasnt wearing his normal black and white uniform

instead he was wearing black ripped jeans and a gray hoodie

wow....... and u thought he couldnt look any better

BUT OMG?? HE REMEMBERS U

“oh wow ni-ki, you know her?” the boy named jay asked him

“uh yeah.. shes a regular” he said before walking to stand next to you

NI-KI

HIS NAME IS NI-KI OHMHGOD

u thought his name fit him perfectly its so CUTE

“are you gonna get something too?”

this whole time you were silent because.. what is going on

your heart was being SO fast you thought that everyone could hear it

“yup, can i get the same thing? also im paying for both of us”

WHAT??/):)/$;##\%|

ur eyes widened even more it looked like they were gonna pop out of its sockets

u unconsciously leaned towards the boy next you and kind of put your hands up

“w-what?? oh um no, you dont have to do that” you nervously said to him as he looked down at you

he kind of had a smile on his face

“i want to.”

there is no way this is happening

“oiiii ni-ki” jay chuckled while punching in numbers on the cash register

“ill have both of your drinks out soon, you two kids have fun!” jay said before turning around to face heeseung

WHAT??!!??!

your jaw almost dropped from shock

millions of thoughts ran through your brain and you couldnt even process anything

u cant believe this was happening

it was like a wattpad story or something.. is this how u meet ur soulmate

your thoughts were interrupted by a hand on your back momentarily and u look to see ni-ki shyly grinning and gesturing u towards a table

no way...

you awkwardly follow him to a 2 person table next to wall and sit down

you literally could not hear anything except for the pounding of your heart

“uh sorry about that...” he rubbed his neck and sheepishly smiled

“im ni-ki by the way”

“y/n...” u felt so awkward u wanted to cry

“agh, im really sorry if that was weird.. i just didnt know how to ask you out.....” he trailed off

*passes out*

IM JOKING

Ok but u felt ur heart stop bc NO WAY

“wait what??” u ask, ur eyes bigger than the moon

“um yeah... haha i took the day off today to try to talk to you.. sorry if that was weird..”

HE WAS SO AWKWARD JUST LIKE YOU IT WAS THE CUTEST THING EVER

“no its okay!! im glad actually...”

“really? so is it okay if we hang out?” he asked excitedly

u did not think u could handle HOW CUTE THIS BOY WAS O M G...

“of course! sorry if im kind of awkward though” you gave a small smile

“its okay, i think i am too”

you two began talking about the cafe and where you went to school

turns out even though you two lived in the same town (literally 5 minutes away from eachother) u went to different schools for some reason

u talked for like 2 minutes before jay walked up with your drinks

“hows it going guys?”

“its doing good bro, now go away..” ni-ki lightly shoved jay and laughed

you giggled at the sight

jay looked offended and came right back

“that is not how you talk to your elders ni-ki! y/n do you see this?!” he scoffed

ni-ki just rolled his eyes and turned back to you

“do not ignore me young man!” jay joked

“oh y/n, ive heard all about you from ni-ki over here by the way.”

ni-ki’s eyes got so big you almost got worried

he turned around so fast and gave jay one of those ‘i swear if you say anything ur dead meat’ looks

jay obviously did not care

“hes always like ‘y/n this y/n that’ blah blah im glad he finally got the balls to ask you out because im honestly sick of hearing it!” jay laughed

u were blushing so hard

NI-KI LIKED U????

this felt like a dream

ni-ki pushed jay away so hard and turned back with red cheeks

awe

but yeah that was the beginning of the cutest relationship ever

u and ni-ki were so cute together <333

you’d always visit him during ur free time

it took like 2 months before u two made it official tho

and he was the sweetest boyfriend ever

232 notes · View notes

myownprivatcidaho · 2 years

Note

HOWS THE CRUSH GOING GIRL IVE BEEN GONE FROM TUMBLR SO LONG I FEEL LIKE IM TOO BEHIND ON THIS

HIII EL OMG. so sorry it took me a minute and a half to answer this. ok SO. like im about as expressive as darcy pride & prejudice and emotionally available as bruce springsteens dad so its taken me a while to convey any type of interest. but i did it. it took WEEKS but basically heres what happened (and ik you know some of this stuff but yknow theres shit i gotta call back to for reference ashgsdg)

- realized he had a thing for me after he tried getting my number and so i sat next to him every week in ass flattering jeans thinking that was me making advances. this was done as i also never looked him in the eye never talked to him never looked at him when he talked and generally just didnt acknowledge his existence. (like reflexively ive just found it imperative to never ever let on that i like someone so i had to like. really really really jump that hurdle & overcome it)

- realized he was sort of backing away like he didnt think anything was gonna happen because. yknow i wasnt ACKNOWLEDGING him. meanwhile he was always being sweet and helpful and all that jazz. so i was starting i was STARTING to mope about how everyone leaves me because i can never show that i want them etc just total victim complex stuff before i Shut That Shit Down. i decided i was gonna get this guys number and on god i was gonna TALK to him and then he would see. then he would fucking see.

- finally was able to get his number but i made it as impersonal as possible just reflexively. this was right after getting another classmates number and then i approached him (by lowkey running after him) and said smth like "hey can i get your number. .. i need more people in this class's number" so. yeah so i got it and texted "hi! this is sia" so he had my number but this was 2 seconds after as i was walking away so.

- was totally distraught he never responded even though thats really not the type of thing you necessarily respond to. so i was so TORN UP like i was totally making advances by sitting next to him in ass flattering jeans i got his NUMBER so whats he waiting for im totally doing all the work here. and then it hit me .... this guy has absolutely no reason to believe that i like him. ive never ACKNOWLEDGED him i never looked at him i was twirling my hair over him on here but meanwhile in person i seemed like the most indifferent fucker on the planet. also that meant i wasnt showing interest by sitting next to him every week in Jeans but giving him just an extremely hard time instead. shit.

- so i talked to my sister about it. which i never do like she tells me everything i dont tell her everything but. like shes got a gf so she knows SOMETHING about emotional availability in intimacy so. i spilled my problem and basically she was like. flirt with him i was like NAUR. and she threw out other suggestions and i kept rejecting them and she was like jesus christ sia. she settled for saying "how about you start out with looking at him when he talks" and i was like "BUT PEOPLE WILL SEE" and she was like. "so?" i was like. hm. good point. so there was that and then she was like "check him out maybe too. and let him see it" and i was like OKAY. OKAY I CAN DO THIS. so i DID IT. and he SAW. i was on about it here for days like he saw i was acknowledging him and THEN he caught me looking at his hands. his nice ass hands. and SO he started flexing them more hes insane. hes insane. and THENNNNN he started doing fingering gestures hes bonkers hes batshit (i was straining my peripheral vision to watch so i couldnt tell if it was his index & middle finger or middle & ring. but either way. hes fucking crazy.)

- so i was like OKAY. im gonna wear my slutpants. and thats when i sent you the pics for an Opinion much appreciated bless you :')

- HE WASNT FUCKING THERE. so i was like OKAY. OKAY. fuck it im texting him and so i DID.

- turns out he is comically slow at responding. every fucking time id respond id get torn up over him taking fucking 5ever to respond. this was about the time The Anon came into my inbox and blessed me with encouragement that their now-boyfriend used to take SUPER slow to respond and they, also, would be crying pissing throwing up etc until hed respond again. so i was like OKAY I CAN DO THIS

- the next class after our slow ass conversation sorta ended after taking a literal week to exchange a net total of like 8 texts like. we sat next to each other again and we were able to just talk a little. he is SO easy to talk to and so friendly and so FUNNY its like. i like you so bad. and then i did my scene and basically i was crying on the floor and shit and like he was super helpful and encouraging as always and at one point he was like giving notes and he looked me in the eye and i looked HIM and the eye and it was so nice to have that. we werent iffy or nervous and he didnt seem worried about Saying The Wrong thing it was just. peaceful and still. yknow. ALSO his pupils were dilated as hell ive said it before ill say it again ppl with light eyes are SEETHROUGH. bless him

- SO i wore my slutpants AGAIN the next week. that day like i think we both got so iffy we barely talked. after some sorta musical chairs he ended up sitting in front of me AND I WAS WEARING NY SLUTPANTS. musty wail dot jpeg etc. we started that class like sorta talking and then i think we both got so iffy and nervous we barely talked and like. when id say something he Would Not turn around to look like even when everyone else did (pretty small class) like he was looking Dead Ahead like. girl. and then i was crying and throwing up again before realizing like. the times he DID look at me were. holy shit. like i mean he was just. 🧿👄🧿 like he looked So. idk i dont want to say head over heels cause that feels egotistical but. jesus its like. wow. keep looking at me like tgat please. not even a horny type of looking it just kinda. :'). like made my heart melt. still not over it. ALSO he like straight up smiled at me while i was talking. i think he really likes kids and especially now bc this was one of the few times he turned around to look at me and i was talking about one of my neices and he was just :') like straight up like grinning and has SUCH a beautiful smile. i used to think "your smile makes my day" was one of the cheesiest most obvious romantic compliments but. jesus christ man its TRUE.

- so after that i wore the slutpants One Last Time before it got too cold. this was a couple weeks ago before thanksgiving break which was this past week (so no class :/). BUT. so he was about to sit in front again and then Noticed my pants and then like. backtracked JUST in time. like he went to the front abd then was about to walk along the front row and was gonna sit right in front of me but THEN i heard him go "is this someones pencil?" and i looked up and he picked up a pencil lying right next to the chair next to me and then he SAT. DOWN. IN. THAT. CHAIR. it was a nice save. sorta clumsy and would be indiscreet if anyone knew we've been eyefucking for like 3 weeks now but fortunately thats not the case.

for reference:

- SO. that class went well. he didnt even try being discreet checking me out cause he KNOWS i was wearing them for him because its part of What We're Doing. like i wore the slutpants and he returned the favor by flexing his hands/did fingering gestures for me to look at cause he knows i like that. at this rate its like we've been playing a game where we do something the other likes to look at and then the other returns the favor by doing something they like. also we'll purposefully mirror each others body language a lot but ESPECIALLY before and/or after we're like. being Playful. its all flirting if youre insane enough.

so yeah thats all the recent shit and i have COME TO THE CONCLUSION. if nothing happens before the end of the semester then on the last day im GONNA ASK HIM OUT!!!!!!! stupid excited also he made some jokes im still laughing at a week later hes so funny also it turns out he was homeschooled which kinda follows i wondered once or twice but. idk how to explain it just sorta Makes Sense. like at least in texas leftist dudes are already usually pretty sweet but hes like. kinda Extra sweet like theres another component there. was kinda surprising cause otherwise he doesnt initially give off HomeSchooler Vibes cause hes just really laid back and also clearly fucks (and is a fast learner who returns favors and generally likes making people feel good and has nice hands that he knows how to use man this is gonna be GOOD). but yeah i can see the homeschooling influence. he seemed kinda surprised tgat i was homeschooled because i Do Not give off those vibes yknow i put in effort to purposefully seem more confident and assertive and sure of myself and experienced than i actually am. but just as well because tgat wall has Got to come down i feel like half of whats made this take so long is im way too guarded and quick to shut down my emotions or even just my own general authenticity so. YEAH thats been that HOW ARE YOU DOING?? id love to hear how lifes been for you :DDD

#IM SORRY I TOO FUCKING 5EVER TO RESPOND IM SORRY I WASNT IGNORING YOU #elsie tag✨#tennet #long post #but fr how are you its been so long since we talked :(#also cant believe im drawing out like fucking illustrations and shit im losing it huh asdhdgh #archived.crush

13 notes · View notes

brelione · 4 years

Text

After (The Best Boys)

Series Masterlist

Warnings:Smut, hospitals, mental breakdowns/panic attacks.

After the three weeks that Topper was in the hospital everyone was in pure agony.None of you were really sleeping properly, your days spent at the hospital with your friend, voices never going above a whisper.

He was getting better, able to sit up in his hospital bed and play uno with you and Rafe while Kelce napped on your lap.Kelce was getting the least sleep, the stress all catching up with him.

You didnt know how to bring it up, instead helping him in the only way you really knew how.That was by extra hugs, a shit ton of forehead kisses and sleeping in his bed with him when he stayed at your house.You had no idea what was happening with you and Rafe.

When Kelce would leave whether it be to the grocery store or to pick up McDonalds you would find yourself on the couch with Rafe, sharing feather like kisses with your arms wrapped around eachother.You still hadnt figured out all your feelings.

You knew that you liked kissing Rafe but you werent sure why.He was gentle and it calmed you but that didnt mean you loved him, right?Sometimes when you were kissing Rafe you’d start to worry about Kelce.

You would usually go with him when he went grocery shopping but he now preferred to go alone, figuring that it would help him clear his head and get lost in the music from his radio.

You laid with your chest pressed against Rafe’s, your hand twirling his hair with his head resting against your neck, arm around your waist.You were still wearing Topper’s hoodie, switching between the gray hoodie you had took from him and the black one with a rabbit sillouhette on the back.

You still felt scared of touching Topper, way too worried about hurting him even when he was practically begging for hugs and forehead kisses.It killed you to not be able to, wanting nothing more than to hug him and kiss him and laugh at how stupid he was.

Rafe sighed, lifting his head from your shoulder, the tip of his nose resting against yours, letting out a small sigh. “You excited to take Topper home tomorrow?”He asked, his eyes only half open as he spoke.You hummed, a small grin on your face.

“Mhmm...Ive missed him a lot.”You glanced down at Rafe’s lips, looking back up at his eyes.A small smile tugged at his lips, leaning towards you and pressing a gentle kiss to your lips, smiling a bit.A dozen of gentle pecks later and he had ended up on top of you, elbows on either side of your waist, sighing against your lips.

“The nurse said we can do movie nights again soon as long as its not too loud.”He informed you, placing a gentle kiss on your nose, smiling when you let out a small laugh. “Thats good...I think he has to have like infinite movie picking nights.”You replied, leaning up to kiss him again.

He nodded, biting his lip. “Yeah, definitely.But the no horror movie rule still stands, right?”He asked, looking down at you with a big smile.You rolled your eyes, pulling his head down so you could kiss his forehead.

“Yeah, the rule still stands.”You grinned, your hand going back to play with his soft hair.He had washed it today.You could tell because it was nice and soft, well conditioned with some high end conditioner.

Out of curiosity you sniffed it, face heating up when he lifted his head, raising an eyebrow. “Are you sniffing my hair?”He asked, trying not to laugh.You rolled your eyes.

“Shut up.”You grumbled, tugging lightly at the dark hair.He let out a low moan, surprising you both. “Did you just…”You trailed off, noticing how red his face had gotten, his face burying itself into the soft fabric of the hoodie. “Shut up!”He exclaimed.

You simply laughed, sniffing his soft hair again, trying to figure out what the scent was.He laughed, holding onto you tightly.His hair smelt like maraschino cherries and roses. “Your hair smells really nice.”You told him, inhaling the scent again.

He let out another laugh, biting his lip. “Yeah?”He asked, trying to remember which shampoo he had used that morning.You nodded, not able to feel your legs from his weight on top of you.The door swung open, Kelce coming in with a brown bag of Chinese food, setting it down on the table.

He didnt say anything, just sat down on the floor and started to take the food out, placing the boxes on the table.You frowned, Rafe getting off of you so you could move across the couch, hugging Kelce from behind. “You okay?”You asked, pressing a light kiss to his cheek.

He sighed, leaning back against you and letting you wrap your legs under his arms. “You seem stressed.Do you need to talk about something?”You asked, quiet enough that only he could hear it.He shook his head, opening one of the boxe and handing you a crab rangoon, laughing when you took it in your teeth right from his hand.

“We need to save rice for Topper.”You reminded Rafe as he scooped it onto a paper plate with a spoon.He frowned, shaking his head. “Nope, Topper drove off a bridge.He gets no rice.”he replied, staring up at you as you glared down at him.

It took a few seconds before he hummed, putting some of his rice back into the container. “Should we get him cake or something?They wont let us smuggle him McDonalds so maybe we should get him that.”You thought out loud, grabbing another crab rangoon.

They shrugged, not really knowing. “My mom wants me to be home more often because she’s convinced i’ll crash like Topper did.I dont know, she just wants me home tomorrow for a family day or something.I’ll probably just stop by Topper’s house after you guys drop him off tomorrow.”Kelce fixed himself a plate, the two of you ending up switching positions so that you were on the floor while he sat on the couch with his legs on either side of you.

You sighed, resting your elbows on his knees while you bit into a piece of shrimp.Rafe turned on the tv, staring at you and Kelce.He wasnt sure what was happening with you.He didnt really understand why you two did what you did or why you guys never talked about it.

He ended up turning on Nickelodeon, glad when Victorious started playing.Rafe was grumpy the whole night, up until three in the morning as he scrolled through his phone.You and Kelce were cuddled up at the end of the couch, your arms and legs wrapped around him with your nose pressed against his chest, loud snored escaping the two of you.

Eventually he fell asleep, his phone on his chest and his head on the arm rest.He was woken up by you jumping up and down on the couch, grinning when you saw his eye open. “You gotta get up, bubs.We have to go get Topper.”You reminded him, hopping off the couch.

Rafe groaned, shifting on the couch and resting his face against the cushion.He dozed off again, grumbling when you climbed on top of him, demanding that he get up. “Hmm...where’s Kelce?”He asked, eyes half open. “He went home, its almost three in the afternoon, Topper can leave by four.”You kissed Rafe’s forehead, noticing how confused he was.

“Three?”He asked, looking over to check the time on his phone.You nodded, getting off of him and heading upstairs to change your clothes.He groaned, finally getting off your couch and stretching his long limbs.Dragging himself up the stairs and into your guest room he had nearly fell on the stairs twice, closing the door behind him.

His clothes were scattered all over the room, groaning as he searched for his yellow shirt, cursing.He forgot to knock, walking straight into your room. “Hey, do you have my yellow shirt?”He asked, watching you tie your shoes.You bit your lip, glancing over to your closet.

“No.”You lied, standing up straight once you had your shoes on.He chuckled, walking over to your closet.You quickly grabbed his arm, trying to prevent him from opening the door.He easily held you back, seeing the yellow shirt hanging in the closet.

He grabbed it, running past you. “Rafe!You cant have that!”You shouted, running through the house.He laughed, running into your kitchen before realising he had cornered himself.You ran at him, trying to take the shirt back.

“Rafe-thats mine!”You exclaimed, clinging onto his arm and trying to bring it back down so you could take it from him. “No, no its not.”He answered, holding it high above his head.You sighed, wrapping your arms around his torso.

He frowned, eventually giving in and hugging you back, forgetting that he was holding the shirt when you swiped it from him, holding it to your chest. “thanks.”You grinned, stepping on your tiptoes to kiss him lightly.He sighed, arms tight around your waist, knowing it would be the last kiss he got that morning since you two would most likely be with Topper for the rest of the day.

“Hmm...we gotta go.”He mumbled against your lips, not really wanting to pull away.You sighed softly, kissing him again. “Let me just grab my backpack really quick.”You kissed his nose, noticing how tired he looked.You grabbed your small leather backpack before coming back into the kitchen, seeing Rafe eating a handful of frozen berries right out of the bag.The two of you got into the car in silence as you texted Kelce.

You:Hows family day going?

Bean:we cant decide on a movie

Bean:hows Topper doing?

You:We’re on our way to the hospital rn.My heart is literally pounding im kinda nervous ngl

Bean:felt that.How’s Rafe doing?He seemed mad last night

You:Rafe’s fine he just slept weird

You:Are you ok?You’ve been really stressed lately

Read at 3:43 pm

You sighed, placing your phone between your thighs.Rafe raised an eyebrow, wondering whether or not he should ask about your sudden mood change.You were out of the car before it even stopped, speed walking to the hospital entrance with Rafe close behind you.

You took in a deep breath as you walked through the motion activating doors, the cool air conditioned air hitting your skin.Rafe came up quick behind you, not wanting to lose you in the hospital.

Topper was sitting at a little waiting area on a red couch, reading something from a magazine.He was wearing loose gray sweatpants and a white T Shirt, squinting as he tried to read.You ran over to him, grinning when he looked up at you, slowly standing up and letting you hug him.

You closed your eyes,arms tight around his torso, his nose in your hair. “Hi.”He grinned, trying not to laugh.You were acting like you hadnt seen him in months, cautious of his casted arm. “Hi.”You replied, feeling your eyes moisten.

You refused to let go even when Topper lifted up his head to greet Rafe.His forehead wound had healed nicely, a stip of medical tape over the area.The stitches had been removed a few days prior, the tip of his tongue fully healed so he could eat better foods.

“(Y/N).”He mumbled, a red blush across his face.You took in a big breath, looking up at him curiously. “I asked the nurse and she said I can have forehead kisses now.”He replied, flicking your hip lightly.

You sighed, cupping his face so he’d lean down a bit, placing a gentle kiss to his forehead.A weight lifted off his shoulders, letting out a low sigh.He had missed that feelin so much, glad he could finally enjoy your touch again.He sighed softly, resting his head on your shoulder.

“We’re gonna get McDonalds and Kelce said he’d stop by your house later.Do you need to check out with the nurse or something?”You asked, feeling his hot breath against your collarbone. “Noo...we can just go.”He replied, most of his weight on you.You sighed, rubbing his back. “Are you sure?”You asked.

He nodded, kissing your jaw lightly.You looked over to Rafe, seeing him just standing there nervously.Once Topper had picked up the magazine and slid it up his shirt you guys walked out, Topper holding your hand tight, the sun causing him to squint.

You sat in the backseat with Topper, making sure that his seatbelt was secure. “Its scary to be in a car again.”He admitted, holding onto the door handle.You sighed, squeezing his hand.

“The ride to your house from here is pretty smooth, no bridges or anything.”You reminded him, feeling his good hand on your thigh. “Can I turn on the radio?”Rafe asked.Topper sighed, kissing your temple. “Low volume.”He told the brunette, leaning against you with his eyes squeezed shut as the car started moving.

Your hand was running though his hair, rubbing at the back of his neck and avoiding his hairline.You placed a kiss on the top of his head, feeling yourself blushing a bit. “Hey, hey what do you guys want?”Rafe asked as he pulled up to the drive thru, stopping the truck.Topper grinned.

“Uhh...a quarter pounder with extra pickles and large fries.”He replied, noticing how you were staring at his blue cast.Rafe pulled up to the window, handing you the large brown paper bag.You were quick to unwrap Topper’s burger halfway for him, letting him hold it.

“What about meds?Do we need to pick them up for you?”You asked, taking one of his fries.He slowly shook his head, slurping down his burger, nearly dropping a pickle. “No, they’re getting dropped by my house.”he replied, offering you a bite of his burger.

“Thats good.”You mumbled, taking another fry. “What kind of meds?”Rafe asked, shutting up when he saw you glare at him. “Just like, pain meds.I dont know.Ive gotta take like three a day for two weeks I think.”He replied, halfway done with his burger when he quietly asked you if you could wrap it back up for him so he could save it for later.

Your heart dropped when Rafe pulled into his driveway, knowing that you wouldnt be able to see him again until tomorrow.You got up, helping him inside the house and shutting the door behind you, sighing. “Its been a while.”You muttered, taking in the white tile of the opening room, a chandelier hanging from the ceiling.

He nodded in agreement, slowly walking into his living room.It wasnt too different from yours except for the gray carpet and the different couch.He sat down on it, seeming confused.You placed the McDonalds bag on the side table, looking down at him.

“Hey, can I tell you something without you freaking out?”he asked, shifting in his spot so he could look at you properly.You hummed, hoping it wasnt something too bad. “Yeah, yeah I guess.”You replied, waiting anxiously.He gulped, taking in a large breath.

It took him a second to finally form words, his legs tingling. “Um...so im in love with you and I have been for a while now.I dunno, when I called 911 the last thing I thought about was you.I just thought you should know.”He confessed, his heart thumping so hard that if he were still in the hospital the nurses would come rushing in.

Your eyes widened, trying to think of something to say.That wasnt what you were expecting him to say, taking in a large breath that hurt your ribs. “um...uh….I um….”You stuttered, taking in another breath.You let out a nervous giggle, covering your face.

“Im sorry, this is just crazy….um….so can we just….can we talk about this another time, please?”You asked, not sure you could handle everything that was being thrown at you.Topper nodded, grinning.

“Yeah, yeah its fine...we dont have to talk about it.I just wanted you to know.”He muttered, avoiding your gaze. “Alright...um...im gonna go but i’ll see you tomorrow.”You left quickly, shutting the door and hopping into the passenger seat, still shaking.

Rafe frowned, trying to figure out what had happened. “Whats wrong?”He asked, hand on your thigh to get it to stop bouncing.You sighed, looking over at him. “Topper just….he’s talking weird.Its stupid, hes drugged out of his mind anyways.Can we just go home, please?”You asked, wanting to focus on something else.

Had all those hugs and kisses meant something different to Topper this whole time?Or did they just mean something different to you?Now things were starting to make sense.Why Topper had left that night three nights ago, why he had always glared at Kelce whenever the two of you were cuddling.

Now you felt all the guilt.You were hurting Topper this whole time by being so close with Rafe and Kelce when he was supposedly in love with you.And now you would be hurting Topper now because of how often you and Rafe did things that shouldnt be done between best friends.

Everything was so fucked up now.Rafe was pouting, trying to understand what possibly couldve happened in the five minutes that you were inside Topper’s house. “Are you okay?Did something bad happen?”He asked, reaching for your hand.

You sighed, lifting your hands so your elbows were on the armrest, resting your head against his hand. “No, just weird shit.Its fine, Rafe.”You replied, sighing when he pulled into your driveway.It was already 5:30.You got out of his truck, going inside quickly. “Hey, why are you walking so fast?”Rafe asked, struggling to keep up with you even with his long legs.

You simply huffed, going up the stairs.He was confused, following you anyways. “I just…”You trailed off, groaning as you flopped onto your bed.He pouted, sitting at the foot of your bed after closing your door. “What?”He asked, not understanding.

You rolled onto your back in a starfish position, staring at the ceiling. “Im just stressed is all.Do you want to watch something?”You asked, looking over to see your remote on your night stand, surprised when his hands gripped your hips. “Do you want me to help with the stress?”He asked, hovering over you.

You knew where he was getting at, not sure how to think about it.It had been nearly a month since he had touched you like that but it had lead to something bad happening.But thinking something bad would happen everytime you messed around with someone was crazy, right?

You slowly leaned up, kissing him lightly.It didnt take long for his hands to move down to your pants, carefully pulling them down your legs.He looked up at you before pulling down your light blue underwear, making sure that you were okay before dipping his tongue into you, holding your thighs down as he pressed a kiss to your clit.

You let out a low moan, fingers squeezing at your comforter as he licked a stripe up your folds.One of your hands moved down, tugging lightly at his hair.He let out a moan, letting you direct him the way you wanted, his tongue plunging in and out of you, eyes closing.

He sucked on your clit, trying not to smile at how loud you were, slipping a finger into your entrance.He wasn't sure how this would end up, remembering your promise from last time.You moaned loudly when he added another finger, pumping them in and out of you.

He could feel you getting close, kitten licking your clit to tease you.A shiver ran up your spine, moaning loudly as your eyes clenched shut. “Rafe-please.”You whimpered.He smiled up at you, adding another finger to stretch you out a bit, slowly moving.

“Rafe.”You whined, trying to get him to move faster.He simply chuckled, giving you what you wanted and beginning to speed up, your moans only making him move faster.You climaxed with a loud, high pitched moan, letting go of his hair as you panted.

Feeling his tongue moving again you let out a soft moan as he cleaned you up, your fluids on his chin and fingers as he licked them clean.He wiped his chin off with the back of his hand, looking up at you. “Rafe.”You whispered, knowing how crazy you were about to sound.

He leaned back over you, his nose touching yours. “yeah?”He asked, not sure what to expect.You let out a soft sigh, kissing him gently. “I want...I want to go all the way.”You told him, noticing his breath hitch in his throat.He gulped, not sure if he could do it.

He didn't want to hurt you. “Are you sure?”He asked, looking into your eyes.You nodded slowly, anxiety building up in you as he slowly pulled down his pants, letting you palm him through his boxers.He let out a moan, wanting you to apply more pressure.

“Are you sure that you want this?”He repeated his question, biting his lip.You let out a shaky breath, nodding. “Im sure.”You replied, eyes widening when he pulled down his boxers.He was huge.You just had to hope it wouldn't hurt as bad as it looked.

“Its gonna hurt a little, alright?I need you to tell me what you want.If you want me to stop I need you to tell me.If you want me to slow down I need you to tell me, okay?”He asked, wanting to make sure that everything would be okay.You nodded, touching his hair lightly.

The first few inches didn't hurt but when he was about half way in you hissed in pain, gripping his shoulders.He came to a halt, looking down at you with a concerned expression. “Baby, hey, hey.Do you need me to stop?”He asked, preparing to pull out when your fingernails dug into his skin.

“no...no.Keep going.”You replied.He began to move again slowly, biting his lip.He was nearly fully inside you, trying not to moan as you kept clenching around him due to his size.You were whimpering, eyes becoming watery as he was finally inside of you.It stung a lot, scratching up his back.You sniffled, glad he was taking things slow.

You took in a deep breath, a few tears rolling down your cheeks. “Shh...I know, I know.It’s okay, you’re okay.”Rafe whispered, cupping your face and wiping away the tears. “It hurts.”You whispered, sniffling.He bit his lip, kissing his forehead as he tried to help with the pain or at least distract you from it.

He wanted to pull out and run you a bath, trying not to make himself cry. “Do you want me to stop?”He aksed, trying his best to stay completely still.You shook your head, holding onto hims tighter, his face in the crook of your neck with his chest pressed against yours.

“Baby- I indeed you to try and relax, alright?Tensing up only makes it worse, take deep breaths, ready?Breath in, breath out.”He pressed a gentle kiss to your collarbone, listening to your breathing. “Good girl...in and out, just keep breathing.Im gonna start moving a little, okay?”He asked, feeling you nod against his shoulder.

He took in a deep breath, pulling out ever so slightly before pushing back in, clenching his eyes shut. “You okay?”he asked, pulling his head from your shoulder, looking down at you.You nodded, taking in a deep breath. “Yeah-it hurts a little but im okay.”You confirmed, kissing him lightly.He let out a soft sigh, squeezing your waist lightly.

“Ready?”He asked, keeping his hands on your hips, waiting.You let out a shaky breath, nodding.He was careful, only pulling out a quarter of the way before slowly moving back in, jaw dropping when you moaned.His heart was thumping fast as he moved slowly, groaning.

“Shit.”He whispered, leaning down to kiss your cheeks, nose and lips. “How are you feeling, sweetheart?”He asked, pulling out halfway this time before pushing back in, watching as your eyes widened and a moan came from you.

“Shit, Rafe.”You moaned, nails digging further into his back.He took a deep, shaky breath. “God, youre so fucking tight.”He moaned, letting out a low whimper, repeating the action of pulling out halfway before pushing in again. “Rafe-”You couldn't even form a full sentence before you were moaning again.

He was pleased with your reaction, moving a little faster and pulling out almost completely before pushing back in. “You want me to slow down?”He offered.You shook your head, running a hand through his hair. “Faster.”You muttered, seeing a surprised look spread across his face.

He began to speed up his actions, pulling out nearly completely before plunging back into you, both of you moaning loudly,He was panting, a light layer of sweat covering his face, going as fast as he could. “Rafe-im gonna-”You moaned, your head rolling against your pillow as you clenched around him,cumming all over his cock.

He licked his lips, slowly pulling out of you.He picked up a towel from your floor, carefully wiping your thighs clean. “You did so well, baby.How are you feeling?”He asked, picking up his boxers from the foot of the bed and pulling them back up, laying down next to you.

The sun was just going down, red and purple hues covering the sky like a wonderful painting, the golden light coming through your blinds.You held onto his arm, resting against his bicep. “Im fine...im tired as shit but im fine.”You replied, hearing your phone ringing from your shorts.

You sighed, too tired to move.Rafe grabbed it for you, telling you that Kelce was trying to call you.You were panting too hard to answer, Rafe gulping and licking his lips before lifting the phone to his ear. “Hello?”He asked.You noticed the way his eyes widened, eyebrows knitting together.

“Chill, man.Just- what do you mean you broke it?Well dont-hello?”Rafe asked, realising his friend had hung up.You looked up at him with a confused expression, trying to figure out what was wrong. “So Kelce broke his door and he’s on his way now.He really doesn't sound too good.”Rafe answered, slowly sitting up.

After the call about Topper you thought you had heard the worst news you’d ever recieve.But hearing that Kelce had broke something made you want to vomit.Kelce freaking out was how you knew the world had hit rock bottom but it didnt help that you didnt know what he was freaking out about.Shit.

@sweetlittlegingy @nicolefarley603 @ilikealotofpeople-younotsomuch @newsies-yeet @butgilinsky @jjjmaybank @gracelovesbroadway @stellariddle @outerbongs @copper-boom @httpstarkey @teenwaywardasgardian @drewswannabegirl @simonsbluee @jiaraendgame @khiaraaa-in-spacee @on-socks-off @spn-marvel-nerd @lovelyelinor @chinamolina602 @sexytholland @28cnn @popcrone818 @fttayla @cherryobx @n1ghtsh4d3-67 @drewstarkeyobx @poguestyleskye @judayyyw @jjtheangel @jj-iz-bae@sunwardsss @meaganjm @sarcasticsagittarius1998 @natalie-kate-98 @nxsmss @broken-jj @joshy-obx @classygirlything @annmariek8 @stupidpendeja @killjoyybsinner @teenagekook @i-love-scott-mccall

#the best boys #rafe cameron #rafe obx #rafe x reader #rafe cameron imagine #rafe cameron x you #rafe x you #rafe smut #topper thornton #topper thorton x reader #topper thorton imagine #topper headon #kelce outer banks #kelce imagine #kelce obx #kelce x reader

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peachiikawa · 3 years

Text

Caged Bird | Prince!Oikawa Tooru x Reader

a/n: if you know anything about fairytales then you might realize that the reader has the flute of the pied piper, though modified for the story. been watching a lot of once upon a time and got the idea from the neverland arc. hope you enjoy!

word count: 1.9k

genre: fantasy, romance

trigger warnings: reader gets hurt a bit but nothing graphic

summary: oikawa has always lived a lonesome life in the cage that is his castle. one day he sneaks out and a beautiful melody leads him to you, a traveling musician. oikawa is about to find out that his luck is going to change for the better.

oikawa gazed out over the town from his balcony

he let out a long sigh as he grew bored from his studies

“why the long face trashykawa?”

his bestfriend and knight walked up next to him and leaned against the railing

“oh you know, just bored of being in this castle. theres a whole town of people out there and im stuck in here. gets tiring after a while”

iwaizumi listened to his friend and nodded along to what he was saying

“then sneak out for a day”

oikawas eyes widened

“youd help me sneak out?”

“only if you come back by sundown”

so oikawa grabbed his cloak and thanks to iwas help got out of the castle

despite being born and raised in this town oikawa had no idea where he was

and after about ten minutes he was completely and utterly lost

until he heard the faint sound of a flute

he followed the sound until he ended up in the mostly cleared out town square where he saw you playing a small wooden flute for those who were present, though you had no audience

everyone walked past you as if you were invisible like you werent playing such a beautiful song

he approached you slowly and listened until you finished your performance

“that was really good”

you looked up at him and smiled

“always a pleasure to play for those who need it”

the bright smile on your face felt warm and inviting

like he was meant to be here

“would you like to take a seat next to me?”

you gestured to the spot next to you and he gladly took it

“so...whats your story”

hes hesitant to answer your question

“ill tell you mine if you tell me yours”

you set your flute down in your bag next to you

“well first of all my names y/n and my life is nothing too interesting. im a traveling performer and play my flute as a way to pass time and help those who need it. always come across the most interesting people this way”

traveling. thats something oikawa could only dream of

“so cmon now tell me about you”

he peaked at you through his hood

“ok but dont make a big commotion..im oikawa tooru”

you laughed a bit

“thats funny you share the same name as the prince”

you stopped laughing when you saw the serious look in his eyes

“oh..oh! im so sorry for being so rude!”

you started to scramble around when he grabbed your wrists to stop your movements

“shh yes im the prince but stop flailing people are starting to look”

once you had calmed down he went on

“ive been confined to my castle my whole life and stuck to certain rules i have to follow. it seems like even if i catch a break something else comes along. i have to stay this perfect image because im the prince and it just gets so lonely. its as if im a bird trapped in a cage and theres no way out”

ah so there it is

the reason he could hear your flute

you picked a flower that was growing next to you and placed it in his hair as you spoke

“im sorry your lifes been like that but oikawa, if i may be so bold, even a caged bird will become wise enough to break free. the dream of flying is too great to resist”

Once you had properly placed the flower you smiled at him before standing up from your spot and grabbing your bag

you then held your hand out to him

but he couldnt gather his thoughts

you were so bright it was almost blinding

“now cmon! lets go have some fun!”

he looked at the hand held out to him

and with a leap of faith, he took it

he was going to get out of this cage, this perpetual cycle

and finally add some meaning to his life

day after day you two spent your time together

oikawas days that were once filled with hollow words and empty actions were now filled with happiness

filled with you

and everyday slowly but surely he was falling for you

passing glances turned into prolonged gazes

his heart could no longer stay still around you

you became the key to his happiness

but for now...he had to be content with just being next to you

it would be too selfish otherwise

to ask you to stay with him here in the kingdom...he could never trap you like that

“so what are we doing today y/n?”

you were strolling through the town on a quiet sunday afternoon like you had the last few sundays

“how about we go to the bakery? theyre usually busy but since its sunday i bet its not as packed and then i want to take you somewhere”

he was curious as to what you had in store but decided against asking questions

so you two got some baked goods and headed out towards the woods

“cmon we’re almost there”

you pushed some branches and shrubs out of the way

and one eventually hit him in the face

“watch it y/n! i keep getting wacked by you”

you just chuckled a bit which oikawa had found adorable in itself

it made his heart slow just hearing it

“just come on!”

eventually you two made it to a clearing over a beautiful lake

he didnt know that there was something like this so close by

he was absolutely amazed by it

“take a seat oikawa! we can rest and eat here!”

this moment was just too perfect to him

with you here he felt as if nothing bad could happen

that if he only could see your smile everything would be alright

being content with just being at your side...was no longer and option

he knew that if he wanted this he needed to take his chance

“y/n”

your eyes were full of life and he couldnt help but feel so happy next to you

and before he knew it he was closing the gap between the two of you with a hand gently cradling your cheek

but right before you two could kiss you were ripped away from him

“dont you dare touch the prince commoner!”

oikawa frantically looked around as many of his guards came out of the brush

“get your hands off of them!”

you were pressed to the ground and the sight almost broke his heart

“sorry your highness but we’re under strict orders to bring you back and throw whoever was seducing you to leave the castle into the dungeon”

the guard that had been on you lifted you up like you were a sack and bound you by rope

you gave oikawa a final smile before you were taken away even though you were so banged up that it made him want to puke

he was speechless

this is what he was talking about

being so controlled and monitored made him feel so small and helpless

and he absolutely abhorred it

“your highness your mother is waiting for you in the throne room”

oikawa was beyond upset

this isnt how he wants to live

“mother how could you throw the only good thing in my life away!”

his mother sneered at his words

“only good thing? what need to you have for that filthy peasant! and how dare you cast me aside as if i hadnt given you everything you own, everything you are is because of me! i will not allow for any of this nonsense! now go wash up. and dont you dare ever leave the castle again and i forbid you from seeing that nasty peasant again. wasting your time with such a person...”

he gritted his teeth and was about turn to leave

his emotions were running too high

he wasnt himself and he knew it

but even so...he wont allow it to end like this

he was going to end it on his terms

“no”

“what did you say?”

he stood his ground

“i said no mother. im going to live the way i want and with who i want. ill gladly give up my title because frankly, i never wanted it in the first place. and dont you ever call y/n filthy or nasty again. their so incredibly kind and full of joy and laughter. i can only hope to be like that one day. so ive decided that im leaving. with y/n.”

as soon as the doors shut behind him he let out the breath he didnt even know he was holding

but it also felt as if there was a giant weight off of him now

“im coming y/n dont you worry”

it had been a couple hours since you were brought to your cell

you didnt have any major injuries, just a few cuts and scratches from when you were body slammed to the ground

“do you mind if i play?”

you pulled out your flute and the guard nodded

“thank you!”

you started playing and filled the cell you were in with a relaxing tune

“why do you play if it doesnt make noise?”

you stopped and looked at the spiky haired man who stood outside your cell

“it takes a certain person to appreciate its music”

he just looked at you as if you were crazy

but you continued anyways

until you heard frantic running coming from down the hall

“iwa you gotta let them out”

oikawa was panting trying to catch his breath

“dude no offense but your mom would kill me and you if i just let them out”

oikawa grabbed the key from iwaizumis waist before he even realized what had happened

“dont worry about it iwa. and dont worry about me. today i start my new life. it was good knowing you buddy”

they gripped hands the way they always had. A solemn but knowing look was shared between them

“if i had known me letting you leave the castle one time would lead to this...i would have done it a lot sooner. good luck out there bud”

oikawa quickly turned to you and helped you off of the ground

“you ready to run?”

he cupped your cheek and ran his thumb over one of the small cuts

hed be sure to treat that later

you nodded and leaned into his hand

“are you sure this is what you want?”

you were happy to leave with him

its more than you could ever ask for

“y/n youre the only person thats made me feel free. and by doing this i will be.”

you two finally got to share the kiss you had been deprived of and not only was it full of love but also full of hope for your future

“then lets go”

and you two sprinted off to your next adventure together

the flute you possessed was one he could no longer hear the sound of after that day

for it was enchanted, only to be be heard by those who were lost and lonely

with you he was neither anymore

and he couldnt be any happier than living out the rest of his days with you as a free man, a bird outside of its cage

#oikawa headcanons #oikawa x reader #oikawa toru x reader #oikawa tooru #oikawa tooru x reader #haikyuu!!#haikyuu imagines #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu!! x reader #haikyuu headcanons #haikyuu!! headcanons #haikyu x reader

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mycptsdrecovery · 3 years

Note

TW for abuse, mental health crisis, unreality, mental hospital mention

hi im a 19 year old and still living with my parents. ive been trying to move out since august and i planned to move out by december. in late december i was not having much luck with housing and i started having memories of not so great things my parents did to me throughout the years play in my head. i rly have no idea how to explain this confusing clusterfuck of a situation in just a tumblr ask but basically i want to know if the things my parents did count as sexual abuse.

from a young age my parents didnt respect my boundaries. my parents often touched my butt (it sounds so stupid calling it that idk what else to put) in seemingly nonsexual or accidental ways, but they didnt stop as i grew older. i remember the first time that i realised i was being sexually abused (thats how i thought about it at the time, idk). i dont remember what my dad did specifically but i was 8 years old-ish, i started puberty around then because my body hates me. it was probably to do with my butt/waist/ things and my dad touching them. we were about to go in a shuttle to the airport, it was like 2am. i remember i stayed silent through whatever happened but at some point during or after i remember bursting into tears and like... thinking to myself that my dad is sexually abusing me (i dont remember where i learnt what that is) and my dad asking me what was wrong but i refused to talk because i was scared. moments like these where my dad touched me in a way that didnt feel normal and i burst into tears happened multiple times. ive felt very uncomfortable around my dad for most of my life at this point. hes the kind of dad who doesnt talk about anything hes thinking or feeling, doesnt talk much at all or have many friends. we have rarely had conversations past surface level talk thats appropriate for strangers or acquaintances so i have never known whats in his head and whenever ive tried to get him to talk with me about something serious he shuts down and leaves. hes very neglectful emotionally, though he used to sometimes fulfil his emotional duties as a parent when i was a very young child according to my mum but he stopped at some point. for a really long time ive been afraid that my dad was sexualising me in his head or sexually attracted to me. ive grown up having nightmares about my parents raping me.

here are some of the things i remember my parents doing. some memories are not easily accessable and some have not been processed as an adult.

-both my parent regularly touched my butt in a variety of contexts. i never confronted my dad about it because i knew he wouldnt answer me. i have learned to only hug my parents in a specific way so that my arm is always under their arms so i can stop them from putting their hands too low.

-my dad used to put his hand on my waist and hips/lower back. he was basically doing the kind of casual touch that you would do with someone ur in a sexual relationship with. he doesnt anymore because i have stopped allowing him to spend much time with me.

-my parents, mostly my mum have touched my breasts very lightly and casually. it could be seen as accidental but my mum has never responded to my frequent requests to stop touching me like this.

-my mum showed me her vagina once as... sex ed? i have no idea if this is normal which is kinda how i feel about most of the ?sexually? themed things my parents have done.

-my mum has always commented on my body in ways that made me very uncomfortable, such as often commenting on how i would be sexually harassed because of the outfit im wearing, even the necklace im wearing.

-my mum gave me several moderately detailed accounts of sexual assaults that hve happened to her, like for instance when i was around 6-9? she used a story of a sexual assault that happened to her while in a pool to say that i be afraid in public pools. the amount of detail was very unnecessary.

-one time my mum was telling me about how boys pinch girls buttcheeks to tell them they think theyre 'sexy'. then she pinched my buttcheeks a bunch of times even though i didnt want her to. im sure she did this many times and i was literally like 5 years old or something.

-my mum talked to my sister while i was in earshot about... how she would be ok with it if i married my 1st cousin? and she named him specifically. it made me feel rly weird around him.

-again my dad has always just given me huge predator vibes and ive always been super afraid of him.

this list is definitely incomplete but i dont remember anything penetrative or to do with anyone touching my genitals.

i tried to tell someone about the "sexual abuse" twice when i was 13, both during mental ward stays about 9 or 10 months apart. the first time is completely blacked out from my memory and the second one... they told the police. my dad was questioned and nothing happened because i never wanted anyone except the nurse who i told to know and refused to tell anyone any details. i just wanted to get a weight off my shoulders. instead i got a 3 or so year long period of my mum emotionally abusing me to a degree she never had. i was almost completely convinced that i had never been sexually abused. i still dont know if its true or not. the specific term my mum used was that i "mis-interpreted" my parents actions as sexual abuse. i didnt push back, i was too terrified of her and i just dissociated to cope with those years. i was very very isolated from anyone except my mum. i wanted desperately to be a young child again and felt like one most of the time. before 6 years old was the only period where i felt like my parents actually liked me.

when i was around 15 i started sexually getting involved with older men online. i wasnt attracted to them, i didntdesire them, i just was so traumatised from... whatevrr u want to call the way my parents treated me but i didnt feel that i had the right to be. i felt like i needed to get some "real" trauma and i dont want to say what i did but im lucky that none of these men ended up meeting up with me irl at least. the fucked up thing is that though it did traumatise me, i kind of felt better because i wanted something i could feel justified in being upset about.

now im 19 and my brain is hitting me with all these memories. i havent felt safe with my parents for most of my life. theyre neglectful and emotionally abusive towards me. they abused all my other siblings physically quite a lot and two of them have moved to different countries so that they can not live in the same place they grew up in. 2 out of 3 of my siblings have completely cut ties with my parents for years now. when i was 11 i recoeved an email from my brother telling me about our parents not being safe people.

ive started to consider the possibility of the constant violation of my boundaries counting as sexual abuse. i have a lot of sexual trauma symptoms and i have for a very long time. i grew up afraid that my dad was going to rape me. i think i was abused by my mum into associating holding my parents accountable with the punishment she put me through after she found out i reported them. i just want to know if im allowed to be upset about this. im terrified that this is normal, because if its normal that means i was a gross freak as a kid who just "mis-interpreted" these actions to be sexual abuse. i need to make sense of my reality somehow. im so confused.

you absolutely have the right to be upset by this. what they did to you was not okay. an adult touching a child intentionally in inappropriate areas is molestation, even if they played it off as not a big deal. many of the things you mentioned also sound like grooming which is often a part of childhood sexual abuse. i’m so sorry these things happened to you. i hope you are safe and can find a way to not be around your parents.

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izukult · 3 years

Note

This is such a cute idea! I’m addicted to making weirdly specific Spotify playlists so this is perfect. I have an ✨eclectic✨ music taste but my favorites are usually bedroom pop (mxmtoon, chloe moriondo, khai dreams, etc), romantic classical (think Debussy and Revel), and indie (although I like some Megan Thee Stallion, AC/DC, Nirvana, etc when I’m hyping myself up). As far as my personality goes, I’m pretty insightful and like to support people whenever I can, even if I don’t know them well. I can be a little chaotic sometimes, but I like to think it’s a chaotic good. I love tea, blankets, philosophy, deep conversations, the outdoors, and writing. I’m also an INFP and a Taurus :)

Sorry if that was too much, thank you so much! Take care of yourself and stay well

- Elle ʕ•ᴥ•ʔ

( @snoozless ) you don’t understand how bad i want to be your friend. 😐😐 ok so you kind of get bonus 😀 but it rly might not be bonus because akfjakdkw. so, i gave you matsukawa!! but he’s not always like revered about so if u want a character lmk!! i am. in love w him tho. you’re so sweet you would balance him out and yall would be equally chaotic together.

he would have philosophical questions w u!! he might just be a little blunt & might accidentally cut the convo short, but he would listen to everything you said.

he’s used to a wide variety of music bc i’m convinced the seijoh playlists are absolutely fucking cracked like so loud. so he really could sit there and listen to anything. and i mean ANYTHING. like if you wanted to put on christian rock he’d awkwardly try to tap his foot on beat for you.

but, that doesn’t mean he’s gonna geek over you i feel like he’d be pretty private about the relationship. he’s not like secretive but he’s not gonna post you every two seconds yknow? he wouldnt put prom photos, but if yall went to look at the stars or go on a little hike he’d take a pic and youre wearing baggy sweats and one of his shirts and your hair isnt brushed for shit and it’s way too dark to properly make your face out and he’d put that shit on his main absolutely 😒

this man would be the kind of mf to look up his “crush’s” zodiac just for shits & giggles, so if he randomly knows a taurus fact, don’t question it<3 (he looked up your compatibility and he will take that to the grave)

issei is an infp idc. so yall got that in common.

he’s genuinely so pretty.

bc i took so long, i’m going to put descriptions for all the songs i love you thanks for requesting sorry for taking forever i’ll link the playlist and list the songs<3

1. silly girl- chloe moriondo

okay while this song is actually kinda sad, i think tHIS is pretty cute. issei comes off as this intimidating guy, and the more you get to know him the more you forget ab this idea of him you had or whatever? like the lyrics “i made him perfect, cause i wanted him to be” are really prominent in the point i’m tryna make because like even tho the lyric is obviously sad bitch shit, music is up for interpretation and this is like “hello ok he actually a real mf and shiiit maybe he cool😁✊”

2. nice boys- TEMPOREX

kinda sad. i don’t care how unemotional he might act, everyone has shit that brings them down. PLUS HES A PISCES THERES NO WAY HES NOT SAD SOMETIMES. this song just really taps into insecurities for him, and the song just gets under his skin in like a very therapeutic way. also “because he’s a pisces” some of his emotions are super intense so the “because he cares too much” line hits him fuckin hard

3. IV. sweatpants- childish gambino

this is some shit he listens to more with his team, absolutely. no doubt they blare this shit during weekly practice. but, he really really likes the song. so, when you’re hanging out and he has the aux? it’s one of the first ones he puts on. you two jam to it together. he’ll come up w dumb little dances to fit with certain lyrics (stole some of them from oikawa and hanamaki, but he won’t tell you)

4. you get me so high- the neighbourhood

okay unfortunately i must say him and hanamaki get fuckin faded in empty fields at two am all trashy like. but they make it look good idc. and if you smoke, cool, if you don’t he does not care. he always associated getting high with,,, getting high and everytime he listened to this song it just was one of his getting blazed jams, but now he’s got like a different kinda “euphoric” feel with loving you? like i said this bitch is a pisces even if he doesn’t overwhelm you with affection, he thinks ab you 24/7

5. 80’s makeout session- dacelynn

thIS SONG IS SO CUTE. but it’s p self explanatory. in love and also spare a kiss pls

6. can i call you tonight- dayglow

i feel like actually coming to terms with genuine feelings for someone would be kind of weird for issei. like no offense, but he sees it as kind of a pain in the ass. i genuinely think he would be someone to put his all into work or a task in front of him. he’s super intuitive, and constantly uses it to be better. whether it’s in volleyball or like cremating ppl i guess (HE WORKS INA FUNERAL HOME POST TIME SKIP IF U DIDNT KNOW). and it’s the same in relationships, but it’s also harder because he can’t have this complete clear head because you make his brain go kinda fuzzy. so, this song is like his little way of expressing that even tho he was like ‘internally conflicted’ this mf chose to go for it and that’s how much u mean to him

7. clair de lune, L. 32- claude debussy

i’m gonna be fucking honest with you. even though he’ll listen to anything, i really don’t think this man is looking up ‘classical romance study tunes’ playlists in his free time. he definitely enjoys the music, but that’s only if someone points it out to him. and he’s listened to you talk about it before, and watched you as you heard the piano and gauged your reactions and thought u were pretty cute he’s not gonna lie😼. so he definitely just looked up classical romance and picked the first recommended song and added it on there. he’ll dance w you a lil bit, but it wouldn’t be that quiet, intimate slow dancing in the dark you think would come w this song. itd just be a little sway as he hugs you from behind while you get water, or he twirls you once randomly with a laugh UGH I LOVE HIM

8. like real people do- hozier

ok. this one was fun for me. idc. double meaning lol. so this song is literally about two dead bodies in a bog and ,,, and he works in a funeral home PLS LMAOFJAJDJA I THINK THATS SO FUCKING FUNNY AND SO DOES HE. but also this song literally is my idea of love. this is my idea of love. and yall listen to it, with your stupid little death joke, but he looks at you and he’s just like ‘oh’. yknow? YKNOW?

9. BS- still woozy

like i said, i think he puts a lot into work. and he literally plays for a powerhouse school there’s no way he doesn’t practice a lot. so that means there’s a lot of time where he’s physically not there and definitely can’t text, because he’s trying to improve. and while he wouldn’t stop volleyball for someone else, he understands that you are like super amazing for being so Cool with him not being the most available. the song just reminds him of how compassionate you are and also he does miss u when he’s at practice YKNOW?

10. i <3 u- boy pablo

this one made me so fucking soft ew. ok. this song reminds him of you so so much. he’s totally okay being vulnerable with you? and even though he has pretty heightened emotions, he’s never felt like so strongly for smth other than like ??? volleyball and caring ab his siblings (BUT HE FEELS DIFFERENT FOR U THAN HE DOES FOR A VOLLEYBALL AND HIS SIBLINGS PLEASE😁). HE LUVVVVV YOU

11. heart-shaped box- nirvana

so many reasons. for one, simply fucking JAM. yall would scream this on a drive. if you ever got drunk together, this would be the first song you play. also, little lyrics remind you of each other. (the pisces lyric in the first and third verse, and even tho the flowers aren’t being used in a sweet sense in the song he does remember talking ab flowers w u, and now any flower is mentioned and he’s like “ah yes. my girlfriend.”)

12. pluto projector- rex orange county

FUCK. FUCK THIS SONG. GOD. NO. LIKE HE REALIZES HE’S IN LOVE WITH YOU WITH THIS SONG. HE T E L L S YOU HE’S IN LOVE WITH YOU WITH THIS SONG. the first time, he just sends you the name of it like ‘pluto projector <3’ and you listen and it’s so sweet and ur like ayo turn this shit up. and he adds it to your playlist, which definitely gets a smile from you. and then one night like two weeks later youre just laying together, and he’s running his fingers through his hair and he pulls away for a second to grab his phone and he turns the song on and you just listen to it in silence and it’s so fucking intimate. and he’s just like “i don’t think i’ve ever related to a song more” and you think he’s making a joke so you tell him to shut up (also jokingly) and he just laughs and it’s dark in his room and he’s playing with your hair again and he just goes “god, if you’re telling me to shut up over that i don’t even want to imagine how you’re gonna react when i tell you i love you” and it’s right around 3:10 in the song i’m literally so gone for him. bye you cry and try to hide it but he can tell HES PERCEPTIVE

13. i wanna be yours- arctic monkeys

okay for one, it’s a good song. it’s a song he absolutely let’s play in the background, just to cover the static lol. but also? ALSO? THE TITLE APPLIES TO YOU THE FUCK? it’s as if,,, he’s whipped,,

14. supermassive black hole- muse

hanamaki prolly showed him this song, and it’s one of his vibe songs. he will do falsetto while singing it if he’s in a really good mood and it just makes everyone laugh, including himself. it actually kind of grosses him out, because this song used to literally just be a song he would aimlessly go hard to but NOW his little bitch ass is like “you set my soul alight”? i guess i relate and “oh baby, i’m a fool for you” well, surely i’m not a fool but yea i get you muse sing it. it’s so gross. at this point he wants one thing that doesn’t make him think of you, just to prove that he’s not that gone, but he struggling

15. desperado- rhianna

i’m sorry to say it but this song makes him feel like a bad bitch LMAOOOOO. like if he’s ever getting pregame jitters or anything, he will just play this song. whether it’s on the speaker or in his headphones, he puts this shit on full volume and gets a lil too cocky LOL. this is also on the main seijoh playlist no doubt. he wants to share his bad bitch song w you, so you can aLSO feel like a bad bitch?? dUH

IM SO SORRY FOR THE WAIT BABES! IF YOU WANT ANY OF THE SONGS CHANGED (or even the character) LMK!! UR AMAZING ur so sweet it makes me ill

#haikyuu #haikyuu playlists #ikigaitooru playlists #matsukawa issei #mastukawa x reader #matsukawa playlist #haikyuu x reader

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scandeniall · 4 years

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their breakup songs [angry edition]

alternatively titled, Songs they blast when its: fuck bitches. For Atsumu, Suna, Osamu, Ushijima, Oikawa, Kuroo, Semi

a/n* this is a joke and they all have their heartbreak/in their feelings track too that i might do that version as well.

Warnings: most of these are like “fuck bitches” and “is she breathe, she a thot” energy sorry but this was fun too. This is all for fun they wouldnt be THIS disrespectful to you lol

Atsumu: Do the most // Torey Lanez. He heard this song on suna’s playlist once and swore this was him (boy shut up). Yells “word to my ex, I might never fall in love again. Chase nothin but the liquor in the cup again” and “I’m on some thot shit” like alright. He’s lowkey heartbroken and the type to try and get his ex back. Sings “Gonna get my ex bitch back” a little too loud and passionately.

Suna: Different Hos // Blackbear. not normally his type of music but he heard the song and said yup thats me. He doesnt do anything too extra when its “if she breathe she a thot.” Chill and is like “ok well i have someone else ready to suck my dick.” Hes so lazy and doesnt care and its HOT. Folks chase HIM. Plays this on repeat when his feelings are hurt to remind him. Knows how to get lowkey disrespectful tho

Osamu: unFazed // Lil Uzi. purposely sings “Im unphased” with so much conviction trying to get the point across??? But are you really unbothered Samu? Gets Atsumu and Suna in the background to do adlibs and makes them pretend they in a video. They do it to make him feel better but clown later.

Oikawa: STFU2 // Amine. know the whole intro by rickey and he goes tf IN. “I can hear you choking on my tenacious dick everytime your dumb ass talks shit about me. Every word he hurting your feelings you find out from a friend he posted that on the snap

Kuroo: Sorry not sorry // bryson tiller: buys them expensive alcohol bottles (you know the ones that look like vases) just to hide his heartbreak while he blasts this song. He dont even drink it but its cause he has the money. Pretend flexes to himself while scream singing “IF YOU DONT GET THE FUCK FROM ME” He the one that thought yall had something special lol. Texts Kenma feeling a way to reminisce about how they came up and kenma like bro get over it and move on. Felt “Every [man] did you wrong except for me” and “I give you long dick and longevity” a little bit too much. Another one who hurt hurt and tries to play it off.

Ushijima: On the side // Cash Ali: Now he ONLY knows this song because of Tendou. He went to him once feeling a type of way and Tendou is like. “I know what you need. An anthem” Is like “I dont even have bitches on the side” shhhhh thats not the point because he could if he wanted to and cared enough to. Its all for the flex on your ex baby boy go pretend

Sugawara: Dead To Me // blackbear. Once he cuts you off, bitch hes DONE. This is his song. You dead to him lol. Gives me petty passive aggressive post breakup which has shady lyrics all the time. No one: Suga: “Dead to me. Even if youre still alive” Might burn yall pics on his private snap to hide the hurt (he already went through his heartbreak stage where he was all sad.)

Semi: Ex Bitches // Cash Ali- now this one probably dont make sense but lets say he worked with a rapper to write this song. “All my exes falling in love” yeah he hides his heartbreak publicly. This song goes in on it being his fault yall broke up because he was to focussed on his career. He tried to make yall be great together but emotionally stunted from a grown up too focused on his career? GTG and says u left him. This dont go with the rest of these but yeah. He says this his best written song

a/n: yeah semis seemed so lazy but ya girl dont really know how to write him at all. ive never written them last 3. this also took days because i couldnt come up with songs tf

#ri jokes hq #hq x reader #haikyuu x reader #hq imagines #haikyuu imagine #this is dumb and just for fun really #im taking a break from real pieces can u tell

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macgyvertape · 3 years

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50 or so hours into Cyberpunk 2077

This should be roughly the correct amount of time, ive been leaving the game running as I get up to get food or do stretches. Quests are roughly in order I did them

non spoilers above cut:

i haven't found a single hat/helmet i like, and since you can't hide them I just am not wearing any. It matters that much.

I posted the other day about bugs, every few hours I play I find new bugs. some require me to go back and reload a save others I honestly can’t tell if it’s a bug or just really poor development

there are several perks that don’t quite do what the description says, like the Anamesis perk. Based on reddit and trying it out it seems to just not do anything.

sometimes in car chase segments the passenger will say “look out” as cars spawn in my path and hit me. Can’t tell if that was deliberate or a pop in issue

Yeah I’ve just totally given up on doing pacifist things unless required by a mission. Given up on doing stealth too unless a mission objective, except for sneaking around to set up a fight.

:readmore:

the delemain car quest is fun. From the shock of the one going "beep beep motherfucker" and doing a hit and run to start it off, to the GLADOS car i see a lot of people talking about. It was fun to explore the city when i might have missed places like the landfill apparently there is follow up on T-bug's death if you go back to the quick hack shop in Kabuki. It's not much but better than nothing I made the pass with Panam of "what if the room just had one bed". I know she won't do a wlw romance, which is fine since I wouldn’t have chosen her. I enjoy her as a character, don’t get me wrong, my V considers her as a friend, but it seems like theres always drama going on which would be tiring. I would have gone for a fling, i like her leotard-pants combo with all the straps

but also her questline was buggy as hell. Multiple cases of having to reload due to clipping into objects, including her in a driving section, or just insta-dying when collision physics with some rocks broke "your neural network can no longer function independantly of the chip" me slapping my desk: s y m b i o te!!! come on lets have some s y m b i o s i s

in the scene with hellman i really liked how Johnny moved around the room. It made him feel like he was really there. it was hard to follow the convo as I left the room, i would not have understood it without subtitles. But i guess Takemura fucking waterboarded hellman. :|

lol I hope the dialogue is different b/c i refuse to smoke for Johnny

i am level 18 and still can't beat the first opponents in the fist fighting quest. ffs

I looked up the romances options so I went to do the I fought the law quest as soon as i got it. ACAB, but like I literally just met River Ward 2 minutes ago, and I really like him. His earring and cyborg eye, his big fluffy coat. I'm definitely gonna sleep with him Ok i like how when River Ward is dealing with the tiger claws if you interject it leads to a fight. It goes better if you follow his instructions and let him deal with it. Seriously I enjoy that sometimes its good to not pick a dialogue choice.

during the red queen club part, there was no dialogue over the phone. So i reloaded a save and got myself spotted and attacked. Then River showed up to help me <3 and it was more enjoyable having him there. I honestly am not sure if him not going to the club level is bug or not.

then uuuuuugh the worst of irl police "cops are my family" from Detective Han. Again ACAB "FRATERNITY OF CITY COPS RESEMBLES A [Nomad] CLAN NOT AT ALL" ok a few minutes ago i was complaining about bugs, but the character modeling in this game is good (when they're there). You can see body posture, characters jiggle their legs when they are nervous. Like I though character A was just throwing a cigarette on the ground, but then character B flinches back; I realize Char A threw it at B as a fuck you

I'm honestly curious if "I fought the Law" quest will have any impact later on. My choices were that I thought there was more going on than Holt being the only person behind this (based on how complicated the main questline heist is, and keeping an eye on some of the in game news), and told him not to take it to internal affairs, and I loved his response of how he doesn't give a shit what we think, he's doing it anyway.

In the elevator to report in, Johnny said "this muck is deeper than you think, tell them nothing", so i just said that the case was complicated. anyway i love how much of a sarcastic asshole V is

I thought i was being nonlethal with the monk quest, but it seems i accidently killed someone. RIP, but thats kind of the problem with this game. Like when i do the non lethal cyberpychosis quests I equip my non lethal modded gun and hope for the est. I like how a go here kill things quest led to Charles the ripperdoc. He's getting all his parts from scav gang members so I felt obligated to take him out. I got a police bounty for it but w/e.

I merged the Delemain fragments with the whole. Guess he's the meta now. (Side note: some of my favorite rvb fanfic plots are Ai consiousness/memory merging with the humans, so I’m having fun with this game and look foward to introspective fanfic)

Honestly Jonny made some good points, the fragments didn't deserve to die; but also destroying the core and freeing the fragments, they couldn't really function alone.

I was able to rescue Saul fine with stealth. Using cameras and the synapse overload really made it easy. Can't use the sniper rifle reward b/c I don't have the stats for it, and while it has a silencer the fact that it's a ricochette weapon and not a shoot through walls weapons, makes it not as good imo; and theres a legendary one that is stats free for only 100k.

Lol made a pass again at Panam, and she immediately shut me down. I then did Mitch's quest and I love every time someone tells V they area good person.

I hacked the operation carpe noctem shard, and wow the corporations are using ai to make people have cyberpsychosis, or something like that. What a shocker /s, I've played Deus Ex HR before

lol driving through the unifinished interstate, past the fight from Panam's first quest I found a "batcave" with a very nice car, and a manifesto written by "muckman'. But here's my complaint about the loot, there is a legendary top, but it had 16 armor. My current top has 84 armor, like why would i switch?? then later i found a bunker with soviet spies in it. Wild

Doing River's second quest, love the timing of as soon as you ask, why are we breaking in, someone shows up to tell you he got kicked off the force. It's funny how Johnny comments how maybe River's into you, and V just doubts Johnny's words. Love how the first kid asks River if I'm his girlfriend. also wow like oof both the second parts of Judy and River's quest are SUPER fucked UP!! oof like i stopped doing first person mode on the braindances for those quests as soon as i could, just made me too uncomfortable seeing that in first person.

DRIVING IN THE GAME IS BAD! nowhere is it more apparent than the sinnerman quest, which took me 3 times to get the driving section done, as cars spawned out of nowhere to hit me. Then when you restart, there is a bunch of dialogue it doesn't let you fast forward through. The rest of the Sinnerman questline is interesting. My V took every option to tell the dude that he was messed up, and what he was doing was wrong. idk, I was surprised how much dialogue there was that let you buy into his whole "forgiveness thing" and how there wasn't any real dialogue to call him the fuck out, that in seeking forgiveness he continues to do harm both emotional to the mother of the man he killed, but also that he got the husband killed via cop. The later follow up quest, I told him that what he is doing is crazy, studio is just going to profit off this vid. Then I refused to join him prayer, and told him fuck no i wasn't going to hammer him to the cross, or even watch. Yes, the man is scared of dying, and the corporation is exploiting him, but he keeps creating burdens for others. I think the discussion on this quest will be interesting to read, it's definitely my own personal experience with religion coloring my view. Anyway back to a main quest, yeah i don't trust Placide, especially in that scene where he grabs my hand, then jacks in. I ran off to do most of the sidequests here and got some criticism from him. I do love how in the cinema the western movie switches to a mission brief as the netwatch agent talks. its a fun enviromental detail. I took the netwatch offer, i don't think he's being fully honest with me, but he didn't put a virus in my head. As I told Placide later, I didn't pick a side. I like how you can then talk with the agent, who is a fan of Western movies, b/c they show "a simpler time where all good guys carry badges" :eyeroll:, and then V recommends Unforgiven, which from the wiki summary goes against that theme.

Looks like the Voodoo boys all got killed by Netwatch, but I as revenge for them trying to set me up I'm fine with it. Honestly after speaking with ai!Alt I don’t believe their plan of trying to be on good relations with AI would work.

doing the johnny flashback 2, and wow Johnny really is an asshole. Like I had gotten so used to him in side missions I forgot how self centered and unlikable he was.You constantly get prompts to drink or do drugs, which I ignored. But i do love the goth/punk love Rogue and others have.

lol i called it, when Hellman said that the engram would seek to override the host, put V on the engram. I really like how as the relic malfunctions, you wind up in the chair with a cigarette, which you can either smoke and say you are turning into Johnny or throw away. My dialogue "your problem is the ends justify the means", which is true!!! He and Rogue detonated a nuke downtown, does anyone know that, and like ask Rogue about it????

(Funny you can ask Rouge about Johnny silverhand, over the phone, then the game bugs out and spawns her npc where you are. She doens't say much about the nuke, but she does say no one trusts you for jobs). The line of no one trusting you for jobs is pretty funny at level 46 street cred where im at “respected” status. really loving the family atmosphere at River's 3rd quest. Also his big strong arms, and the fact he is no longer a cop. I totally let the kids win, and wow the family dinner where they GRILL YOU over the relationship and try to set the two of you up, then the water tower scene!!!!! I don't love the first person sex cutscenes but they do have personality. I'm glad afterwards you got to tell River about the biochip and that you might die. Because he's so far removed from your personal plot. So I took that option to back out of a relationship.

I do love that you wake up with "river's tanktop" that says "fuck the police" It actually has extremely good armor stats, so thats what I'll wear now.

panam 3rd quest, when shes like why did you help me, I'm like "because it's important to you". Basically the closest you can get to "when a friend asks for help you help them", which as an ex-nomad backstory I really choose the nomad options when ever i can Paralezes quest part 2! I love the piano song but I always think of it as ocean's 11 music. It's also fun to see the computer and see Judy recommended you for the first quest. The emails talk about "forgetting" to hire a staffer, on the balocony a strange antennia was scannable, the color of the roses was remembered wrong... lol guess i was right with those giant wall screens. Its fun environmental details that spell things out before you can notice, and it ties into some other quests where people's behavior is being altered. Actually, this quest "Dream On" I love it! For a while I've been like "wheres the illuminati conspiracy! Here it IS! I chose to follow Elisabeth's wishes and not tell her husband he was being brainwashed. In best case they program him to forget again, in worst case he ends up dead. The gaslighting Elisabeth described is CHILLING, her husband describes a vacation she can't remember and she doesn't know whose memories have been messed with. On your way to the plaza you get a call from someone/something that says the know exactly WHAT you are, any you black out!!! It's such a great feeling of helplessness that you're just one person in a world so big that you can't fight every power. As Johnny said, could be a corporation, could be a rogue ai, either way Jefferson is fucked (and so are you).

#cyberpunk 2077 #mac plays video games #a lot of this journaling i do #so in a few years i can look back #and see my first impressions

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etherealskeletons · 3 years

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i feel like such an angry shitty person all the time i fucking hate everything and everyone so much oh my god i juis wanna fjgfdshhGHHGHH!!! i feel like im👌this close to going absolutely feral and just start biting and breaking shit and tearing my arms up and pulling all my hair out just hHh!!!! HHHH!!!

ive been trying to be good ive been packing everything up ive been doing almost every fucking thing possible bc my dad was like i cant pack anything up bc the last time we packed up and moved it was traumatic [even though i did almost all of the packing last time, nd like i was underage drinking and white girl wasted while doing it] but i get it and go its okay i can do most of it so ive been doing most of it!!! and i listen to all of my dads complaints and all of his freak outs and i keep my fucking mouth shut at my own freak outs and upsets because what good would it do if i said anything that wasnt fucking positive when hes in this state of mind i try to cheer him up and i try to be optimistic even though im the most negative bitch in the world i try so fucking hard to be supportive of his impulsive shit like i didnt give him shit when he sold our only working car and replaced it with this kinda rough celica i jus!!!!! ive been doing my fucking best and i feel like im just!!!! at my limit!!!!

i had to put up with having this weird fucking drug addict in the house bc hes like oh you couldnt possibly help me move everything, even htough i unpacked and packed everything last time and my entire life ive done nothing but move shit around the house and it was heavy shit too not like a tiny ass paper box it was arcade machines and hospital beds and fucking GOD it doesnt make any sense why the fuck would you hire some scrawny ass fucking drug addicted asshole to help us out what the fuck man???? i would rather break my fucking back again than hire any of those assholes from across the street thoseguys use to be porch pirates to us and theyre just fucking white trash inbred assholes??? i fukcing hate them so much theyre so rude to me and they ask for way more than they deserve and hes jsut such a fucking asshole to me just for no reason he reminds me so much of my shitass uncle nd all of my dads mean drug addict friends he tries to shoo me away so he can beg for more money from my dad bc he knows my dad is a fucking doormat with this fucking savior complex and knows that im gonna try to stop it i just hghzh!!!!!! i hate him i hate him i hate this man so fucking much!!!!!!! ive been around people like this my entire life and i jsut wanna wash my hands from it i wanna be away from peolpe like that i want them to leave me alone!!!!!! i told him he cant hire him anymore bc theres not much left and we can get the rest and i hate that man bc hes mean to me and i guess today he was caught going through some of our stuff and its like??????? fuKC OFF????? atfirst dads like “it sucks for us to do it, i dont like him but like, he can get it done ://” LIKE YEAH IT FUCKING SUCKS BUT ID RATHER DO IT THAN HAVE HIM AORUND ME AND ASKING FOR EVERY FUCKING THING NAD GETTING EVERHITN BECUASE YOU DONT HAVE A BACKBONE I HAGTE HIM I HATE HIM I HATE HIM!!!!!! I AHTE EVERYTHING AAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!! i think he gets that im about to fucking explode if we keep having him around tho bc i had a bigole freakout when htis asshole came over and wsa like hey lemme live in ur house with u guys and also give me more money even tho i already got paid and also i hate u ur always giving me and ur dad a hard time for no reason ur just an angry little person :^) dads like ok we wont have him over that was the last time i dont like him either but im notholding my breath bc my dad is too nice and has a hard time saying no so i might have to be a mega bitch and im!!! hghhg!!!!!!

when we were waiting for the lawyer to get the papers so we can sign the house off to the new owners and whatever he wouldnt stop talking to the new owners and like whatever thats fine i dont care but some of the things he wouldnt shut the fuck up about were things that could maybe make them back out at the last moment/not wanna buy the house nd i had to step in like AHAHA its not that bad dont listen to him!! and when i was like dude what the fuck you dont have to say every fucking thing before htey give us the money what are you doing?????? shut the fuck UP!!!! plEASE!!!!!! i know youre stressed out and tired but cmon man!!!!! youre smarter than this!!!!!

everytime i come down from being mad i get extremely upset that i was mad in the first place bc im not suppose to be mad or assertive bc it makes me feel like my mother and it makes me feel like an insensitive asshole and idk MAYBE the reason why i never speak up was bc everytime i was assertive i would get compared to my mother and that was my biggest fear and everyone knew that so they would jus!!!! ALWAYS say i m turning into my whore of a mother every fucking time i tried to have boundaries or everytime i was the slightest bit sassy or mad or anything that wasnt smiley smile happy go lucky stupid idiot bastard just do whatever the fuck i say or else youre that horrible abusive skank of a mother. everytime anyone would describe me as my mother they would always add that she was a whore or a skank or something along those lines. so i always feel like im my mom everytime im mad nd have a goddamn meltdown about it bc i dont wanna be her i hate that im anythnig like her!!!

when i was walkin our realtor to the door he put his arm around me nd was like,, i get it,, nd like,,, idk man was jus like <:’(( im fuckin exhausted dealing with this shit everyday ts been so draining dealing with someone whos just always fucking freaking out all the time,, it felt like he was the only person who understood how my dad is rn and like,, idk,, like i love my dad but god fucking damn it he frustrates me so fucking much when he does impulsive shit like this behind my back and when i call him out on doing it behind my back hes like WELL ur finding out about it now so its not rlly behind ur back like yeah it kinda still is in my eyes????? and when i try to explain to him that why what hes doing was making me upset [bc he keeps saying ohh im sorry im sorry i dont mean to make you upset but then he keeps doing it like what the fuck man i told u not to do that bc i t makes me upset and here i am explaining to u in detail WHY it makes me upset bc you use to say shit like well i cant read ur mind so how am i suppose to know] hes like wow youre therapists are not gonna have a good impression of me nd im jus :^) like!!!!!! yea!!!!!! probably!!!!!!! but i wont say that to him bc i dont wanna hurt his feelings bc hes so fucking sensitive and theres really no fucking point in making him upset and going through this whole “I TRIED SO HARD” and ‘I NEVER SAID I DDIDNT HAVE MENTAL ILLNESS IM SORRY IM SO DIFFICULT TO DEAL WITH I KNOW ITS NOT EASY HAVING A PARENT WITH MENTAL ILLNESS” so! :^))

nd then i feel like an asshole for complaining at all about my dad bc i love him and we have a lot of good and okay times together and i feel bad about being mad and i feel like maybe i exaggerated or smth but i dont think i do or maybe i do idk i ujst always feel like a mean toxic little creature,,, bc thats what i am,,

anyway, i hate moving and i hate myself!

#💀.txt #diary #thankfully packing is literally almost over and soon we’ll be house hunting #hopefully it wont be as tumultuous anymore bc idk if i can keep going if it keeps bein like this!!!!!#on a lighter note i met the people who bought our house theyre vv nice <:)#and theyre giving us more time to pack so dads more calm now and im jus #its getting better.. ts gonna be better i can feel it..#it was jus.. vv rough time..

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